#it was the oart about how Akutagawas heart sinks the first time Dazai hits him

[bungouchronicles]

Imagine living in the slums your whole childhood, watching your friends, your family starve and die on the regular. One day you lose everything to some lowlife criminals, but there comes a man dressed in black who tells you that he can give you a reason to live, inviting you into the port mafia. He wraps his coat around you and for a moment you feel hope for the first time in your life.

Then he hits you. You never expected the mafia to be a loving place but it still makes your heart sink into your stomach.

But you still want him to be kind to you, you still want him to like you because he gave you purpose. So you do everything you possibly can to reach that goal of acknowledgement. You bring yourself to the brink of death just to please him.

But he still leaves.

And he finds someone else, someone who is in every way less than you. He gives him purpose and he's kind to him. This new apprentice has done nothing deserving of this and still, he gets everything you could've ever wanted, and he doesn't even realize it. He still complains about his past wounds.

You'll kill him, you have to. You must prove to that man no longer dressed in black that you've become strong, stronger than his new apprentice can ever be.

That is your purpose.