#it was the 90s like 2 seconds ago and I think this dude is hot? i think thats badass

[earlycuntsets]

you'll have to forgive me. this is history to me

gerard: frankie's mouth was all over my hair. that was like really gross but at the same time it's still kinda hot. yknow what I mean?

audience: 🦗

link

edit: @vriska-serketboard brought up that it also sounds like "frankie's mouth was all over my hand" honestly I can hear both.

show recorded by spaceyraygun 12/18/2002 trocadero theater philadelphia pa

[bitch-out]

OKAY i know you didn’t ask for a full length fic but... i couldnt help myself. here it is: 

Four times Alex saw signs that the world was changing to become more accepting of people like him, and the one time he actually realized it.

1. TV SHOW

After finishing practice for the night, the band walked into Julie’s house. Luke immediately walked into the kitchen, wanting to see what meal her dad was whipping up. His obsession with watching lifers eat was starting to get a little concerning. Reggie followed after him, wanting to hang out with Julie’s dad. That was also a little concerning.

Julie plopped down on the couch next to her little brother, Carlos, who was watching a TV show that she didn’t recognize. Alex hopped over the couch and took a seat next to her, looking at the screen intently.

“What is he watching?” Alex asked, reclining into the couch.

Julie shrugged in response. “I’m not sure…”

Carlos looked over to her with a questioning expression. “Huh?” Oh crap. She needed to stop talking to the boys while other people were around. It made her look absolutely bonkers.  

“…what you’re watching! I’m not sure what you’re watching.” She said quickly, trying to avoid any awkwardness. “What is it?”

He seemed to buy it, letting her weirdness go. “Oh, I’m watching this new show. I forget what it’s called. It’s about this girl who accidentally gets musical superpowers after getting stuck by lightning.”

“Cool,” she answered, settling into the couch. She and Alex watched for a few minutes before looking at each other in confusion. They had absolutely no idea what was going on in the show. They looked at the screen as the main character sighed dramatically, slamming her door while running out of her house. “I’m lost. What’s happening? Why is she so mad?” Julie asked.

Carlos rolled his eyes. “She’s in a fight with her dads right now because they won’t let her go to this big party. Now shhh! It’s getting juicy!”

Luke’s eyes went wide as the scene switched to the main characters dads, who were sharing a tender moment while discussing their child. Two dads? On television? Without it being played off as a joke? He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the screen.

Julie looked at him inquisitively, noticing his surprised expression. She raised an eyebrow.

“I see.” A soft smile settled on his face. “Cool.” He bit his lip and leaned back.

“Cool.” She agreed. She almost said something, but then decided it would be better for her to wait for him to tell her.

2. PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION

“People watching in 2020 is way better than people watching in the 90’s.” Reggie stated as they walked through downtown LA. They were killing time while Julie was at school. They passed a man in a superhero costume who was taking pictures with tourists.

“I know right?” Luke agreed. “I love looking over people’s shoulder and watching what they’re doing on those… high tech cellphone things.”

“Smartphones,” Alex offered.

“Smartphones, right.”

Reggie ran over to a middle aged guy in a suit sitting on a bench who was looking intently at his phone. “Look at this guy! He’s looking at an article called ‘How to tell if you have foot fungus’.” He wrinkled his nose. “Gross. You might wanna get that checked out, buddy,” patting his shoulder, his hand passing right through.

Luke looked around for someone else to observe. “Okay see the one over there in the blue striped shirt eating a chili dog?” He pointed over to his left to a man walking away from a hot dog stand.  

The man went to take a bite out of his chili dog but dripped it all down the front of his shirt. “Oooooh…. Missed his mouth on that one,” Luke said, cringing.

“That’s nasty,” Alex chimed in.

A guy who looked to be around their age speed walked past them, looking down. He brushed his shaggy blonde hair out of his face as he grinned down at his phone. He was obviously walking with a purpose.

“This guy is hustling! Cmon!” Reggie grinned, jogging after him. Luke and Alex ran over to catch up, all three of them following in pursuit. They all looked over his shoulder to read his text messages. He was texting someone he had named “babe <3” in his contacts.

Can’t wait to see u, his text read, im right around the corner

Reggie whistled. “His girlfriend’s probably a complete hottie if he’s that excited to see her-”

As they turned the corner, the blonde stranger they were following put his phone away as he caught sight of someone. He broke into a run and bear hugged the person, wrapping his arms around them and lifting them off the ground. As he pulled away, it was revealed that the person he was hugging was a brunette guy around the same age as them.

The brunette murmured something, his lips quirking into a smirk. The blonde teen let out a laugh, then pulled him into a kiss.

Alex nearly gasped in surprise, looking around to notice that… not a singular person was looking over. Everyone was just going about their day as normal. No glares, no sneers, not even a scoff.

It felt like the breath was sucked out of his lungs. Was this… normal? The couple broke apart and joined hands, continuing down the street. Alex couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. No one had even batted an eyelash at the public display of affection.

To him, it hadn’t been that long ago since 1995. When even looking at someone for too long would get you called a slur. When his own father would call him a-

“Alex? You good?” He was broken out of his thoughts by Luke looking over at him concernedly.

Alex opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by someone else.

“There you guys are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

They turned around in tandem to see Julie standing there, her eyes sparkling. And they continued with their day, moment forgotten.

3. MUSIC

Alex found himself once again alone with Julie, hanging out with her in her room. He was the only member of the band she would let hang out with her in here, which filled him with an odd sort of pride.

They were currently listening to one of her Spotify playlists. Julie was doing homework on her bed and Alex was tapping his drumsticks on his knee, following the beat of the song they were listening to. He was getting into the groove of the song “This song has a good beat!” he exclaimed. “What is this?”

She grinned at him. “It’s called ‘Girls like Girls’ by Hayley Kiyoko!” She stood up on her bed, dropping her homework and singing into an imaginary microphone as the chorus hit. She belted at the top of her lungs, “Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new~” She laughed as she flopped back onto her bed.

He gaped at her, surprised that she was treating it with such nonchalance. In the 90’s, this would have been music you listened to at 2 am when your parents were asleep. “Is this a… popular song?” he asked.

“Yeah, I mean it’s from like 2015 so it’s basically ancient but it’s still pretty popular.” She turned back to her homework and picked up her pen. “I think the music video has like over 100 million hits on YouTube or something like that.”

His jaw dropped even further “100 million?”

The timer on her phone went off. The words BAND PRACTICE blared across the screen with the chime of her ringtone. “I’ll show it to you later! But we have to go to rehearsal right now.”

He shook his head and followed her out of the room.

4. COVINGTON

As both his friends were pulled away by girls saucily dancing in feathered blue outfits, Alex stood awkwardly like a fish out of water. Covington slid up to him with a sly smirk on his face. “Come now. You can’t be the only one not dancing.”

“No, I… I know.” Alex sputtered. “I’m just…” Not into dancing with girls? No, he couldn’t just say that. He didn’t want to cause a scene. He pointed over his shoulder. “I’m looking for Willie,” he finished lamely.

Covington seemed to read him like an open book. He smiled and gestured with open palms. “Dante! Fuego!” Two handsome men slid up to either side of him. “Meet Alex.” The linked arms with him.

Alex looked at them, surprised. How did he know? Is this like a theater thing? Or… “You’re welcome,” Covington smirked, ducking down. Is this normal here…?

His thoughts were cut off as he was lifted up over Covington’s head and pulled into a fast-paced dance.

5. PRIDE

“Slow down Willie!” Alex shouted, running after his brunette friend as he skated through lifers and tore down the street.

Willie laughed and hopped off his board, picking it up off the ground. He waited for Alex to catch up with him “Relax, we’re almost here…”

Alex was too busy catching his breath to realize they were in the middle of a giant crowd. Lifers walked through them every few seconds like it was nothing “Wh-What is this?” Alex asked, looking around. Everyone was wearing colorful clothing and most were wearing some kind of glitter.

The skater laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the street. “We’re skating the floats, dude.” He pointed at the bright floats that were parading down the street.

Was this some kind of festival or something? Alex wondered. “Why is everything so… colorful?”

Willie looked at him like he was missing something obvious. “It’s June. Pride month.” Alex didn’t know what that was. He looked around, trying to figure it out. “You’ve never seen a pride parade before?” Willie questioned. Then, he realized. “Right. Right, you’re a 90’s ghost. I keep forgetting about that.” He slapped his forehead.

Then, he realized what this was. Alex turned to his right and saw two women kissing. A couple of guys his age were holding hands right next to him. Signs as far as the eye could see read ‘here and queer’ and ‘all you need is love’ and ‘love is love’ and countless other sayings. His breath stuttered in his chest “This is…”

“I know. Pretty cool, right?” Willie asked, sounding pretty nonchalant. He was scouting out the floats, focused on his task.

“And this is all for…” Alex hesitated, “For gay people?”

“All LGBTQ+ people, technically, but yeah dude.” Willie clarified. He grinned, his eyes set on a float just down the road. He found the perfect route.

“So it really is different now, huh?” Alex asked, his voice cracking slightly. Willie looked back in alarm, not realizing how much this was impacting the drummer beside him. A tear rolled down his cheek, but his smile could not be bigger. Alex continued, “Like I had hoped it was, and there’s been some signs, but this is…” He covered his mouth to hide a sob.

Willie walked over to his side, dropping his skateboard and taking his hand gently. “Yeah, Alex. It’s different. Better. Not perfect, but... a lot better.” He squeezed his hand.

“It’s amazing.” Alex said, wiping the tears from his eyes with his sleeve and grinning. He let out a laugh as a drag queen passed by and waved at the crowd, blowing kisses.

The skater couldn’t take his eyes off of Alex. He was absolutely glowing, basking in the atmosphere of the parade. “You know what? Let’s forget the skating.” Willie decided, taking his skateboard from the side of the street and tucking it in an alley.

“Huh?” Alex was confused. Willie wanted to... not go skating?

“It’s time to get your pride on, Alex.”

Together, they spent the rest of the day exploring every area of pride, ducking through crowds and sneaking onto floats. There was even one point where they ran through a huge glitter cannon, getting absolutely covered in glitter.

After it was all done, Willie teleported back to Julie’s house with him to drop him off.

“That was the most fun I’ve ever had.” Alex admitted, his smile seemed to be permanently glued to his face.

“Me too. I’ve been to tons of pride parades, but none of them were as fun as this one.” Willie admitted.

“Really? What was different about this one? Was it the glitter cannon? It was probably the glitter cannon-”

“It was you, Alex.” The skater said quietly, brushing a couple stray pieces of glitter off of the taller boy’s cheek.

“Oh,” Alex breathed, looking down at Willie. His heart was racing a mile a minute. He hadn’t realized they were standing so close together.

Willie hesitated for a moment. Was this the moment? He didn’t want to rush Alex. He was probably overwhelmed enough after experiencing his first pride. He smiled up at the blonde and patted him on the shoulder. “Goodnight, Alex.” He stepped away and turned to leave.

He was just about to teleport when he heard “Wait!”

Willie turned around Alex kissed him.

He stiffened at first, surprised. Before he could respond, Alex pulled away and looked at him in panic.

“I’m so sorry, I thought-”

Willie grabbed him by the lapels and dragged him down, kissing him heatedly. Alex responded with enthusiasm, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“ABOUT TIME!” someone hollered from behind him.

They broke away to see Luke and Reggie beaming. They both ran over and hugged them both in a group hug. “We thought you two would never figure it out.” Luke said, causing Reggie to laugh. 

“Happy pride, Alex”. Willie murmured, squished up against his side. And Alex couldn’t have been happier.

[discotreque]

LwD 2.05: An Embarrassment of Dooplers

So I was a little nervous about this one! I hadn’t heard any spoiler-spoilers, but screeners have been out for weeks now, and I’d heard a bunch of individual, vague, non-spoilery hints about (1) big character moments, on the scale of a mid-season finale even though the show’s not taking a mid-season break; and (2) an ending that would make me cry.

I guess I imagined something relatively serious and dramatic, like “No Small Parts”? This show makes me cackle with laughter and giggle with nerdy glee and “d’awww!” at heartwarming friendships every week, but it’s only ever made me cry once—and then I was impressed that they were going to get there from the wacky hijinks we saw in the brief teaser.

The lack of a cold open made me apprehensive too—in my experience, that’s typically a sign that there’s so much plot in the rest of the episode that they need that extra scene—but after ~21.5 minutes of aforementioned hijinks, I was having so much fun that I’d completely forgotten about the alleged tear-jerker at the end…

…and they were not the tears I was expecting.

I didn’t think I’d be smiling and crying!!!! That was wholesome as SHIT!!!!!

I almost can’t believe they earned that—but they totally did.

After a Mariner–Tendi episode and a Boimler–Rutherford episode, we’re back to the “usual” Season 1 pairings… except the relationships between these characters have changed since Season 1. Mariner still feels thwacked in the abandonment issues by Boimler bailing for the Titan, and Rutherford’s having a tiny little existential crisis about losing an entire year of his life.

Both of which are extremely understandable and very heavy situations—and both of those situations get resolved because everyone in them is vulnerable with each other and honest about their feelings—AND that honesty and vulnerability brings both pairs of friends closer together. Are you kidding me?? I would watch SEVENTY seasons of that shit. Put it in my veins.

Onto the notes:

So basically Dooplers are Tribbles, but for cringe comedy instead of slapstick? Ohhhhh boy.

Look at Ransom the diplomat, tossing his own fork on the floor! I like that he’s actually a pretty competent Starfleet officer, despite also being a completely ridiculous person.

Wait a second, is that—OH HOLY SHIT, THE DOOPLERS ARE VOICED BY RICHARD KIND.

It makes sense that B. Boimler would find William annoying—who likes seeing their own flaws reflected back at them? And who could be a better reflection of one’s flaws than one’s literal duplicate?—but most interesting to me is that it implies on some level, Bradward knows the stick up his butt is a flaw. (Does William?)

Why does the Cerritos model have working phasers?!?!

I’m loving hot pink as the currently en-vogue colour for “dangerous sci-fi energy” in animation (cf. almost every previous episode of this show; Into the Spider-Verse; other stuff I can’t remember right now). As a former child of the 80’s, I’m living for it… but as a former teenager of the 90’s, I can’t help but wonder if it’s going to age as poorly as the harsh neon green of The Matrix, every Borg appearance on Voyager, and like 80% of the websites I made in high school…

SKANTS! SKANTS! SKANTS!

That fake-out joke with the fly-by over the Cerritos model was in the season trailer weeks ago, and I was so enthralled by that handsome lady that the sticker coming into frame still got me good 😂😂😂

BECKY Mariner????? omg yes

Some top-quality Boimler screams in this one. Poor Jack Quaid must drink gallons of throat-coat tea when he records.

One of the great things about Star Trek to me is that you never know what you’re going to get from any random episode. A murder mystery? A road trip? A spooky thriller? A cheesy romance? Broad comedy? Body horror? Didactic political screeds shrouded in tissue-thin science-fiction metaphors? Brain and brain, what is brain??? And after this many years of watching, you’d think I’d be hard to surprise. But if I ever told you I thought I’d see a Blues Brothers–style car chase through a frickin’ shopping mall on an episode of Star Trek, I would have been straight-up lying to you. I loved it, it worked for me, my jaw was on the floor and I was clapping with joy—but I’m definitely comfortable calling this one “unexpected.”

It’s CAPTAIN SHELBY!!! And an ancient babydyke crush rose from the depths of my childhood subconscious… (Also I think her Number One is based on the original makeup—eventually deemed too complicated—for Saru? Now that’s a deep cut.)

In 20th-century Trek, you almost never got to see what was going on inside a starship from the outside. Even after they switched from physical models (where it was next to impossible on a single episode’s budget) to CGI (which was still in its infancy, still not exactly cheap, and still broadcast in SD anyway), it was a rare thrill to see any meaningful interior details in an exterior shot. Disco’s modern VFX have given us some tasty, tasty treats in that department, but nothing quite as sublime as all the pink Doopler light glittering through the Cerritos’s windows.

Mariner says she’ll take her contact Malvus down with her, and threatens that they’ll end up “in the same cell.” Malvus is a Mizarian, a species introduced in TNG’s “Allegiance,” in which Captain Picard is held in a mysterious prison with one. I think I see what you did there, McMahan?

Bartender… so hot… lesbian circuits… overloading…

The Tendi and Rutherford C-story was, well, a C-story within a 22-minute episode, so there wasn’t much to it, but the one scene that mattered actually mattered a lot. I’m ambivalent on whether they should end up romantically involved—I’d prefer they don’t, but they’ll be one of the cutest couples in Trek history if they do—and as long as they keep that pure, sweet friendship between them at the heart of whatever else happens, I’m on board.

Carol Freeman was already one of my favourite captains before this season, and she’s been steadily moving up the list. The quiet throughline about her ambition to be on a better ship has been fascinating so far, and it’s starting to actually make me feel a little conflicted: I’m of course rooting for Captain Freeman to recognize her worth, make Starfleet recognize her worth, and become the ass-kicking captain of a hero ship that she’s clearly ready to be—but that almost surely means she’d be kicking ass off-screen, because LwD isn’t about those kind of adventures, and I’d be devastated not to have Dawnn Lewis on the show every week. So I’m kind of on the edge of my seat about this one!

I had so many favourite jokes this week I put them in a separate list:

“Even the replicated water on the Titan tasted better” is a low-key brilliant dunk on people who can’t shut the fuck up about the cooler places they used to live.

“Ooooh, they have a Quark’s now! That used to just be an empty lot where teens would make mistakes!” ← That’s literally me every time I go back to where I grew up. I felt so Seen™ I almost hid under a blanket.

“I would never go down the stairs!” (evil grin) (goes up the stairs)

The “well, shit” expressions from Mariner and Boimler as their crashed car sank right into the water… which started to bubble innocuously… and then the bottles of Data bubble-bath popped up, paying off a joke I thought had already been paid off—that was the one that woke up my poor cat this week. Just exquisite timing.

“YOUR PAGH IS WEAK, AND IT DISGUSTS ME!” “I don’t even know what that is, but I don’t like your tone!”

“Okona’s in there? He’s not even Starfleet! This is outrageous!” made me shout “NO!” at the screen like I was scolding my cat for scratching furniture. (She did not wake up that time.)

Best background joke: the neon sign at the dive bar advertising FREE SHOTS & BEERS. (Get it? Because they’re on a Federation starbase? Where nobody uses money?)

And of course Quark merchandised DS9.

This wasn’t just a standout episode of Lower Decks, this was a brilliant episode of Star Trek, period. The Dooplers, though extremely silly, are nevertheless also a clever sci-fi metaphor for real and relatable personal/interpersonal issues, and an effective plot catalyst for meaningful character growth from all four of our ensigns and the captain.

The jokes were hilarious, the action was kinetic, the A-, B-, and C-plots linked up thematically, the visuals were consistently and thoroughly gorgeous, the character beats—between Mariner and Boimler, Tendi and Rutherford, Mariner and Capt. Freeman—were all genuine, heartfelt and wholesome, and the references to other Trek canon were both deep and deeply affectionate.

Only 15 episodes in, and this series knows exactly what it is, exactly what it wants to do, and knows that it can knock our socks off doing it. Mike McMahan has said in recent interviews that the back half of S2 (and the apparently almost-fully-written S3) is a straight line uphill in quality from here—which surprised me at first, because McMahan seems like a pretty chill dude who doesn’t normally brag about his own work like that.

But then the Prophets sent me a vision of my space dad Ben Sisko, who reminded me of the words of 1930’s baseball player Dizzy Dean:

“If you can do it, it ain’t bragging.”

[Thanks to cygnus-x1.net for the screenshots this week—I was too lazy to do my own.]

[captain-aralias]

Fic’s finished - here’s some trivia!

Includes: 

References to 90s RomComs

Writerly ephemera

Baz’s wardrobe / Simon’s wardrobe

A deleted scene

90s RomComs

In the prompt, Liz mentioned Four Weddings and a Funeral and My Best Friend’s Wedding. (And The Proposal, which honestly I’ve never seen, even though now I’m thinking I should.) I didn’t really go with the vibes because I wanted to do a break up, but I put at least one reference to these films in every chapter. For fun. 

He was the love of my life. My North, my South, my East and West. (Chapter 1) 

It also, horrifyingly, sounds a lot like that awful song Daphne made us listen to earlier. I can’t laugh, and I can’t sing. (Chapter 2)

The whole ‘forgot the rings’ thing is reference enough

I like him dressed for weddings. (Chapter 3)

He crosses his arms. Pretends to be unmoved, even when half the bar joins in (I tipped Shepard off) (he thought the plan was brilliant) even the lobsters. They’re waving their claws in the air. (Chapter 4 - the only reference to My Best Friend’s Wedding)

“The boy’s a liar,” someone barks from behind me. “Tyrannus Pitch has been dead sixty years and good riddance.” (Chapter 5) 

“Simon,” I say. “I do.” (Chapter 5) 

Writerly Ephemera  

Amy had this lovely idea a few months ago: Find bits of yourself that you gave to your fiction (memories and places and phrases and things into our stories).

Usually, there’s hardly any of my life in my fic, but I stole a few bits and pieces for this fic: 

My father got re-married when I was at university. I like his wife, but I barely knew her then - I just knew, she’s the woman my dad left my mum for! He asked me to choose a reading and I had literally no idea what to pick. Retrospectively, I should have said no, you choose, but anyway. I chose a bit of Jeeves & Wooster where Bertie talks about wanting to get married for some reason - both my aunts loved it, the married couple were completely bemused. No idea what I was on about. 

Also, their recessional music was Whitney Houston. The theme from The Bodyguard. I’d originally written this as the Spice Girls, since Daphne would have grown up in the 90s, but then I thought of the end of Chapter 2 joke, and I was like - going to troll my father from this gay fanfiction, I guess. 

It was really hot when I was writing Chapter 3. That’s why it’s very hot in this chapter.  

Simon and Baz choose not to get married at the end of this fic - not yet anyway. In part, because I didn’t want to re-do Golden Years, in part because that’s the end of Four Weddings, and in part because I feel a bit like I’ve written Baz in this fic. I thought I liked weddings, until I thought about it properly ... (N.B. I think actual Baz totally wants to marry Simon, btw, and Simon longs for an official family. But I had to get to my ending, so here we are.) 

Baz’s wardrobe

You can still buy a very similar McQueen blazer if you like. Which I like even more. It’s completely not my vibe - unlike the Harry Styles Gucci below, which definitely is – and it’s a thousand pounds, but several times during this fic, I thought... I mean, maybe?

There’s no reference for the burgundy suit - I just wanted it. 

Simon’s wardrobe

He’s wearing the Leaver’s Ball outfit at Jamie & Beth’s wedding, followed by a suit that has no reference, but is based - in my mind - on one from RooBadley’s Use Your Words 

I consulted Roo about Simon’s wardrobe for this fic - for one summer wedding, one winter wedding. They gave me these: 

I really liked this second suit for Simon - so much that when I remembered Simon was the best man in Chapter 5 and should probably be wearing some sort of matching outfit with Shepard, I was like... to hell with it. He’s wearing this!!!

I switched the green for undyed linen. Roo and I also had this conversation, which I wanted to use in the fic but never managed to fit in.

aralias i'm just reading in the gentleman's gazette that it's actually OK for linen to be creased

RooBadley

I would very much love for this to be a fact that Lady Ruth reassures Simon with and Simon then repeats to Baz his one bit of fashion knowledge

aralias "the really pronounced characteristic wrinkles of linen are a sign of a sophisticated casual style, actually, Baz"

RooBadley Baz: Shall I spell those wrinkles out for you, Snow? Simon: Actually, creasing is fine and acceptable when wearing linen, Baz. Though'd you'd have known that. ~smirk~

aralias i like the way this dude has rolled up the trousers too - it's not a safari, it's hipster

Deleted scene:

After the success (I think) of the end of chapter 1, I started to think ‘maybe every chapter will end with some texting!!!’ 

I started writing this conversation for the end of chapter 2 before I’d finished it - almost unheard of - but then I decided I hated it. Very info-dumpy. I kept the homo-positive joke, as you can see, even though I’m not sure it deserves to be kept. 😂

“HOLY MORGANA. penny just told me.”

“I know. She called me as well. It’s some sort of visa thing, I think. And she thinks it will be helpful in negotiating back all the children he’s bartered away, if she can tell people she’s his wife and has a claim on them.”

“it was more romantic when penny told me about it. shepard asked me to be his best man.”

“Oh dear. Are he and Bunce going to fight over you?”

“obviously not. penny’s a woman.”

“So? I’m going to be Fiona’s Best Man. Or Man of Honour – whatever the term is.”

“yeah, but that’s different.”

“How? Choose your words carefully, Snow.”

“I mean, because fiona doesn’t have any other friends & her sister is dead (sorry). who the fuck would she pick if not you? penny asked her sister.”

“Oh. I thought you meant because I was gay. And like to wear flowers.”

“wtf. no. i’m not homophobic. i’m LITERALLY homo … positive. (is that a thing?)”

“I think you can just say gay.”

“i’m not gay, tho”

“Right. Well, this is awkward.”

“why?”

“baz? you know i don’t know what i am. and you know it doesn’t matter, because the only person I want to be with is YOU. even tho you’re a touchy bastard.”

“man of honour suits you. you should go with that.”

“Best man doesn’t suit *you* at all.”

“fuck off.”

“are you going to come to penny’s wedding?”

“Yes. Even now I know you’re helping organise it. Do you want to come to Fiona’s?”

“fuck no. she tried to kill me. unless you want me to. i’ll go if you want me to. i’ll even buy her a gift”

“I would like you to be there.”

“all right. send me the invite.”

that’s all, folks!

Four Funereal Weddings and an American Stag Do

[wiypt-writes]

Riding High

Ch17: Welcome to Miami

 Chapter Summary: Frank, Fliss and the Circle Of Truth take a Road Trip….

 Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. SMUT (NSFW) No under 18s!!! 

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Fliss Gallagher and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Riding High Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 16

 June 2018

“How’s Fliss?” Gregg asked as Frank leaned back in his chair, hand curled round his bottle of beer.

Frank looked at his friend and took a deep breath “She says she’s ok. I think it’s the waiting that’s the worst. Knowing the board’s been held is one thing, not knowing the outcome….” “I know it’s hard and easy for me to say this but…well, even if he gets out he won’t be allowed anywhere near her. As I explained to her likely hood is he’ll be tagged and on a curfew and movements restricted to the state of Mass.” Gregg took a sip of his drink “And if it isn’t done automatically, through the appeal process I can file for further restrictions as well around him contacting her in any way, shape or form…but I’d be surprised if that isn’t a condition.”

“I know.” Frank said, “And she gets that…I think it’s more anger about the whole thing now you know?” “It sucks.” Gregg nodded “He spent so long abusing her and he’s still managing to do it in a way through all this.” Frank raised his eyebrows and took a drink of his beer, nodding to Jake and Simon as they approached their table.

 “I know I don’t need to ask but…” Frank started but Gregg raised a hand. 

“You’re right, you don’t.” he understood immediately that Frank was asking him to keep quiet, and he nodded as their two friends arrived at the table. After the greetings they all settled down reaching for a beer from the bucket that sat in the middle of them all, the conversation easy. Frank was happy to see the boys, he hadn’t in a few weeks so he’d grabbed the opportunity for a few beers happily, Fliss and Mary practically shoving him out of the door as they had some girly night in planned with Roberta consisting of popcorn, pizza, facemasks and a Marvel DVD, Fliss and Roberta assuring him whole heartedly they were watching it because it was a good film and not merely to perve on Chris Hemsworth or Evans or whoever the hell the Chris was in this particular one.

Whatever, sweetheart.

 “So…” Simon said, looking around the table “Are we still on for a weekend somewhere? 22nd to 24th June?”

 They all made noises, and Frank nodded. “Schedules cleared, baby sitter lined up…we just need to decide where we’re going.”

 “Well, I got something to suggest to y’all…” Jake grinned “Greg already knows about this, but basically, the Company we’re doing the promotional work for has offered us up to 10 each for the Miami Rocks Concert which runs that weekend....so if you’re interested.”

 “Rock music?” Simon looked at him, and Jake shook his head.

“Not just rock.” he said, leaning forward “It’s a combination of tribute acts and the real deal…and there’s different stages each with a different genre, and the main stage which contains the big acts.” “Ok, I’m interested…” Frank leaned forward.

 “So the Friday night is a rewind to the 70s, 80s and 90s… headlined by none other than Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Mr Will Smith himself…” Frank let out a snort and looked at Simon who had started bopping in his seat, clicking his fingers.

 “That finishes about midnight and then Saturday is the big one. You got 5 Seconds of Summer, George Ezra and Liam Gallagher from Oasis headlining that night.” Jake continued “The other stages rage from all sorts. Mo-Town, Indie, Chart, Reggae…and then there’s a party after which continues until early hours, run by Hot Dub Time Machine.”

“Shut the front door!” Simon snorted “Hot Dub?”

Jake nodded.

“Dude I saw him one New Year’s Eve in New York a few years ago.” Simon said “He was brilliant!”

Frank sat and listened as his friends started to discuss the concert in more detail. He had to admit, it sounded like a pretty good idea, and just the distraction Fliss could do with.

 “Hate to be the voice of logic…” Simon said. “But if it’s only like three weeks off, wont’ we have trouble getting hotel rooms?”

“Fuck that, I’ll sleep on the back of the truck.” Frank said, causing the rest of them to laugh. “No need Frankie-boi, I got a client who works for the Hyatt Group man.” Jake shook his head “Three rooms already reserved out in the Regency, about 10 minutes’ walk if that from Bayfront Park where the concert is…just in case you fancied it. $100 a room for 2 nights, including a late checkout on the Sunday coz, well, we’re gonna need it.”

 “Three?” Frank frowned.

 “You and Fliss, Simon and Bonnie, and Me and Greg…” “What about Zara and Lisa?” he frowned “I thought this was a couple’s thing, not a boys weekend away…” 

“Well it was going to be…” Greg shrugged “But Zara’s away with the kids that weekend, decided to go back to California as her sister is being taken in for a C-section, and of course she has to be there…”

“And it’s Lisa’s idea of hell…” Jake supplied.

 “So why don’t we re-arrange?” Simon asked.

“Fuck that!” Jake snorted “I’m got a child and fiancée free pass for the weekend.” “Amen brother!” Gregg hi-fived him.

 “But you two can bring your girls, no problem…they’re cool” Jake gestured between Frank and Simon with his beer bottle. “Thanks for your permission…” Frank raised an eyebrow. 

****

Naturally, Fliss was over the moon with the promise of a music festival, especially when she looked up the acts that were on. So, when the Friday in question rolled around, after dropping Mary at school, with strict instructions she was to behave herself as Frank WOULD be checking, they set off in Fliss’ jeep, Frank driving as she lounged in the passenger seat, eyes hidden by her aviators, hair pulled into a loose side pony tail as they made the four hour down the coast and across state to Florida, stopping half way for some food at a roadside diner.

Simon and Bonnie weren’t due to arrive until just gone 5 ish, Bonnie having to finish the morning’s classes before she could leave, whilst Jake and Greg were here having come down the night before, so when they had checked in they decided to freshen up and go for a walk, Fliss eager to hit Lincoln Road Mall. They spent a few hours just walking and looking in the shops, eventually finding a Pandora one which Fliss headed into wanting a new charm for her bracelet as a memory of the weekend. She paced the shop eventually settling for a silver palm tree with a small diamond in the middle of the trunk and Frank batted her hand down when she went to pay, instead producing his card. The usual argument about who was paying ensued, which eventually Frank won by telling Fliss that he wanted to be the one that filled that bracelet for her, and she relented, smiling softly. Frank didn’t miss the relieved look on the shop assistant’s face as she finally waved the out of the store.

They met Jake and Greg in a bar not far from the hotel, and they were joined by Bonnie and Simon for a drink before the two girls announced they were heading off to get changed and ready for the evening.  Frank left it until about 20 minutes before he needed to be ready and headed up to their room, pulling on one of his infamous hideous Hawaiian shirts which he had brought especially. Fliss looked at him, shaking her head with a fond smile on her face as he innocently asked her what the problem was. She laughed and told him nothing at all, before she gave him a kiss and they headed down to meet the others.

 The walk down to the Park took them 10 minutes. Fliss was walking slightly ahead with Bonnie, her braid swinging down her back, gently brushing against the yellow off the shoulder top she was wearing. Her bottom half was dressed in denim shorts, a pair of pink converse boots on her feet. She’d certainly embraced the Festival Vibe, opting for bright colours in honour of the fact they were heading back musically a few decades. They arrived and joined the queue to exchange their tickets for wrists bands which took them about 15 minutes, and then they joined the lines to get through the main gates. That didn’t take long at all and once they were through they followed the crowd before Greg stopped, and looked around.

 “We get split up…” “We all got phones!” Jake snorted “What are you, 50?”

 “Sorry, force of habit with the kids…” Greg let out a groan as everyone laughed.

 “So the main stage is that way…” Jake said, pointing to his left “Right at the back. DJ stage is there, and the other stages are dotted about…anyone got any preference on where we go?” “Other than Will Smith I really wanna to go the 80s stage!” Fliss grinned and Bonnie Hi-Fived her.

 “Yeah we got some Duran Duran to dance to.” she agreed. “And Erasure.”

“And Wham.” “And Culture Club….” “Yeah, we get the picture…” Simon rolled his eyes.

 “Oh and I want to see the Queen and AC/DC tributes.” Fliss finished.

 “Anything else?” Frank looked at her.

“Beer.”

“Well we need tokens.” Jake said, “No cash at the bar, tokens only so…the tent is over there…”

 They all set off, Fliss and Bonnie hanging behind chatting away, but it wasn’t long before their chatter died down and Frank turned to see that, actually, it hadn’t died down, they’d disappeared. “Where the hell are the girls?”  Simon asked, looking round as he realised they were missing.

 “Knowing Fliss in some tent getting her face painted…” Frank paused, turning on the spot before he spotted them. Fliss was stood as Bonnie was sat on a stool, having some sort of Festival glitter painted around her temple and eye socket. “Yup, there you go…” Simon followed his gaze and snorted. “Fucking hell…what are they, 8?” “Leave ‘em be.” Frank said fondly “Come on, let’s go get the drinks sorted.”

 He waved at Fliss, before pointing to where they were going and she gave him a thumbs up to show she understood, before Bonnie stood up and she sat down. Frank smiled at her face as it lit up and he headed off after Simon.

 By the time they had gotten the tokens and ordered beers for them all, the girls still hadn’t joined them, and it didn’t take long to realise why. They were both in a tent which contained 2 electronic dance mats, right in the middle of a very energetic dance off.

 “It’s like having a pair of kids…” Simon mumbled the boys stood by the entrance to the tent whilst Frank simply grinned. As they watched Bonnie made a mistake, the mat flashed red, and then another one, before Fliss made one too. The two girls’ foot work was ridiculously fast as the song gathered pace and finally the routine ended. Fliss grinned and hi-fived Bonnie as their scores flashed up, Fliss winning by 60 points.

 “Yesss!” she punched the air as Bonnie shook her head and the man handed them both some really tacky bright pink beaded necklaces for taking part. 

“Re-match…” Bonnie said, looking at Fliss as they both dropped the necklaces over their heads. 

“Maybe later, I’m fucked now…” Fliss said, bending over, hands on her knees as she drew her breath “I need a drink!”

 She turned and saw the boys in the doorway, Frank raised an eyebrow and held up the beer and she grinned. 

“I knew I bought you for something.” He rolled his eyes and then Greg suggested they head off to the first stage for the start of the 80s Tribute acts. They only intended to stay for a short while but Fliss begged Frank to stay longer, and was backed up by Bonnie as the Duran-Duran band came on. Fliss told Frank if he wanted to go and meet up later he could, but truth be told he didn’t want to. This was as much a weekend for him and her as it was for him and his friends, so with that in mind Simon and Frank both decided to stay with the girls and that they would find the others later.

 And Frank was glad of his decision, as about 20 minutes later, when Hungry Like the Wolf started to play, Fliss was bouncing around like a lunatic. He knew it was one of her favourite songs, and seeing her cutting loose was making him a little horny if truth be told. He moved up behind her and grabbed her hips, swaying with her in time to the music as he dropped a kiss to her shoulder, gently singing along as she danced in front of him, occasionally brushing up against the front of his shorts, which was doing nothing to help his current situation.

 “Someone’s definitely on the hunt down…” she teased, pushing her ass back into his crotch whilst she turned her head to face him as the song morphed into Rio. He grinned and gave her a kiss.

 “Not hunting, I already got you.” “Hmm, yeah you did…” she murmured against his lips.

 The continued dancing with one another, Simon and Bonnie doing the same before the 4 of them all decided they were ready for another drink. As fate would have it, they found Greg and Jake already at the bar. They muscled their way in, grabbed another beer and then all turned to head towards one of the tall, standing tables which were dotted around not far from the bar. Frank waited for Fliss as she had ordered a bottle of water too, and the guy serving had forgotten it. When he came back, apologising, Fliss waved him off and thanked him as Frank picked the bottle up and stuck it in his pocket. He reached for Fliss’ hand, and they were making their way over to their friends when suddenly he felt Fliss yell out and she stopped dead. He turned to face her, seeing someone had bumped into her and her beer had spilt all down her top.

 “Hey, come on man…” Frank looked at the guy as Fliss pulled her hand out of his to wipe at her top “Be careful huh…” But the man wasn’t looking at him, his eyes were fixed completely on Fliss. “Yes, wouldn’t want an accident now would we, Felicity?” At the sound of her full name Frank instantly knew this had to be someone to do with her ex-husband and he reached out for Fliss as he saw her stiffen and slowly she raised her head to look at the man, her eyes widening and she swallowed.

 “Richard.” she spoke softly. 

“Fancy seeing you here. Must be nice to be free to do what you want.” “Yeah, well, making up for lost time. I didn’t exactly get a lot of chance to have fun when your brother was beating the shit out of me.” Her chin raised a little defiantly and Frank felt a surge of pride as she stood up for herself, the anger evident on her face.

 “You’re a fucking liar…” Richard said and Frank immediately stepped in.

 “Ok that’s enough…” he spoke sternly, glaring at the man “We’re not here for any trouble, we’re just out for a good time with friends, and I’d like to keep it that way. So, if you don’t mind, we’re done here.” he turned to Fliss and slid his arm round her waist, making to steer her away.

 “You need to be careful.” Richard spoke to Frank’s retreating back. “Now she’s got her claws into you, you’re done…first sign of trouble she’ll be accusing you of all sorts.”

 Frank sighed, he’d tried to be reasonable, but the anger felt like it was bubbling from his feet and he whirled round, placing himself in between the man and Fliss. “Listen, asshole, why don’t you just fuck off?” his tone was laced with venom. “Your brother is a nasty, wife beating piece of shit.”

 At that Richard stepped forward, drawing himself to full height, still a good 3 inches shorter than Frank. His fists balled as he clenched his hands at his side, his mouth curled up into a snarl.

 “She’s a liar.”  Richard pointed at Fliss, before his attention turned back to Frank. “She lied and because of her, John’s life and career is ruined…” “His life? Ruined?” Frank barked out a laugh “Your brother got nothing more than he deserved, and so will you if you don’t get the fuck outta my face.”

 “Frank…” Fliss pleaded with him, pulling on his arm and desperately looking around for help before this descended into a fight. Thankfully, she caught Jake’s eye who hit Greg on the shoulder, who in turn tapped Simon, and the three of them plus Bonnie hastily started to jog over.

 “If he was that bad why has he been considered for parole?” Richard shrugged “An appeal his lawyer is convinced he’ll win…” Richard said, taking a step back as the other men approached. “And that’s all because they finally saw through her lies…” Frank made an angry noise but Greg pushed himself in between the two men, patting Frank on the chest.

 “Come on buddy…” he said. “Whatever it is, leave it…” Jake went to grab Frank’s arm, but he jerked it out of his grip.

 “I’ll tell you this…” Frank pointed at Richard “If he gets out, you can tell him from me, he stays the fuck away from my girl, and the rest of my family, you got that? Or I’ll put him in a hospital, see how he likes it.”

 “Big man making all the threats huh?” “It ain’t a threat, it’s a god-damned promise.” Frank snarled. Richard gave a snort of a laugh before he allowed his wife to steer him away, shooting one last contemptuous glance at both him and Fliss.

 “What the fuck?” Simon turned to Frank, who completely ignored him and moved to where Fliss was stood, her arms wrapped cross her front, hugging herself, Bonnie gently talking to her.

 “You ok?” he asked her gently and she gave a nod as he took her in his arms, hugging her tightly, hand falling to the back of her head.

 Greg gave Frank a questioning look, which Frank answered with two words “His brother.” “Who’s brother?” Jake pressed, “What just happened? I’m so confused.” “To be fair that doesn’t take much…” Frank heard Greg say which earned him a “Fuck you” in response, and the two men began to bicker as Fliss stepped back from his arms. Frank looked down at her, taking her face in his hands.  “You good?”

“Yeah…” she nodded “You shouldn’t have risen to him.” “Probably not.” he shrugged “But I’m not having that piece of shit or anyone associated with him trash mouthing you.”

 “My hero…” she rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face told him he wasn’t in too much trouble. He gave a snort of a laugh and dropped a kiss to her head. “Can we go back to the dancing now please? And I need another beer, that ass hole spilt mine.” “Is it time for tequila yet?” Bonnie asked, offering Fliss a drink of her beer. Fliss took a sip, shaking her head

“I swore after last time I would never drink that shit again.”

“But that was a lie, right?” Bonnie looked at her as she passed her pint back over. 

“Yup, a very big lie…” Fliss agreed, causing the rest of the group to laugh. 

So they did their tequila. Several shots of to be intact and spent the rest of the night wandering stage to stage, lapping up the atmosphere. Frank kept a close eye on his girl who seemed none the worse for her encounter as she danced the night away with him and Bonnie, the 2 of them disappearing at one point for a walk around the various stalls that were around the outside, coming back with a packet of interlocking glow sticks which they proceeded to activate and make head wear out of. 

 Will Smith took to the stage at about 10 pm and Frank was beside himself with laughter as Fliss reverted to some kind of school kid. She seemed to know every single word to every goddamned song he had, and when it came to Men In Black she launched expertly into the dance routine that half the crowd were doing, in time to the video showing behind the stage.  Simon and Jake tried to copy her before they both gave up and when she finished she turned around and Frank raised his beer to her and she bowed, as they all laughed. Deciding that they didn’t want to stay for the after party, considering they knew it was going to be a really late one the next evening, instead they agreed to head down to the beach. They managed to find a guy who was walking round with a cool box selling beer and they bought 2 bottles each, for twice the price they should be but, whatever…

 When in Miami…

 As they walked across the sand, Frank looped his arm round Fliss’ shoulder whilst they weaved themselves through the various mini-parties which seemed to be going on as people were set up all over with small fires, beer, drinks and music playing. Frank had a sneaking suspicion half of them were probably intending on sleeping there too. Eventually they found a clear spot and flopped down onto the sand, under the illumination of one of the boardwalk lights and then Simon stood up, heading over to a group of teenagers sat a bit to their right.

“What’s he doing?” Greg asked. 

“I think he’s reverse bootlegging.” Jake said and Frank gave a snort of laughter.

“What?” Fliss frowned, “What’s that?” “Instead of selling alcohol to underage kids he’s buying it off them, look.” Frank said, nodding to him. Fliss watched as Simon slipped one of the kids a twenty and took the bottle of vodka he was offering to them, raising it up as he walked back.

 “What the fuck man?” Greg snorted “That’s…”

“Shameful.” Jake nodded before he chuckled, shaking his head. “I love it.” With a grin Simon dropped down next to Bonnie, standing the bottle of vodka up in the middle of the circle they seemed to have made as Fliss sat between Frank’s legs, leaning back against his chest. His spare hand ran up and down the outside of her thigh softly as they all sat chatting about the evening, comparing their best bits and what they were looking forward to tomorrow evening. Eventually, someone, Frank wasn’t sure who, decided that they should play Never Have I Ever, and Fliss eagerly agreed, jumping in with the first question.

 “Ok, never have I ever driven a boat…” Fliss smirked.

“What, that’s a crap one!” Frank snorted “Everyone here’s probably driven one…including you.”

“Nope…”

 “Bullshit!” he snorted “On our first date, and several times since…”

 “I sailed it Frankie, I didn’t drive it…”

 He paused for a moment and then looked up as everyone in the circle grinned.

 “She’s right man…” Simon conceded “I sailed mine too…” “And me…”

“And me…”

 “Oh fuck you!” Frank spluttered as they all laughed at him. Fliss handed him the bottle, which he took from her with a glare taking a mouthful. Fucking hell, he could tell it was cheap as it burnt like paint stripper as he swallowed, wincing. 

That was basically the way the game went. Each trying to deliberately catch everyone else out. Simon caught Jake spectacularly, forcing him to reveal a tale about how he got locked out of a hotel room, naked on the balcony and climbed down 2 storeys to go and get a spare key from reception, Simon repeatedly got Bonnie on a number of occasions before Frank caught Fliss out with the tale of how she had once called her University Lecturer “Daddy.” by mistake. 

“Ok, Never have I ever…”  Fliss paused, before a wicked grin spread on her face and she looked at Frank “Called anyone else’s name during sex.”

“Oh God…” Frank heard Bonnie mumble from where she was sat, but before he could even open his mouth to call Fliss an ass hole, he saw Greg reaching for the bottle.

“No WAY!” Fliss spluttered, looking at Greg “What? When!”

 “I was about 21…” Greg said, scrunching up his face. “I was in bed with a girl and, well, I called her mom’s name.” The entire group fell silent before Jake, Frank and Simon all let out a roar of laughter, and Fliss snorted, grinning from ear to ear.

 “That’s…impressive.” Frank nodded as Greg put the bottle down and Fliss picked it up and handed it to Frank. Everyone turned their attention to him as he narrowed his eyes and grabbed it from her.

 “Spill.” Simon pointed at him.

 “I err, well…look, it…” Frank stuttered over his words “I was…look we don’t need to discuss this…” he said, knocking back the vodka and avoiding Bonnie’s eyes, shaking his head “I plead the 5th.” There were various groans around the group but when they realised Frank wasn’t going to budge Greg shrugged, calling him a pussy, and picked the next category.

 “Never have I ever kissed someone of the same sex.” he said, with a raised eyebrow. Both Fliss and Bonnie moved for the bottle at the same time, and the boys all cheered.

“Was it each other?” Simon grinned “Please tell me it was…” “Ok,no…that…” Frank began to protest, hiccupping slightly.  “That would be weird…”

“No it wasn’t each other.” Bonnie grinned at Simon “I was 17, playing spin the bottle and had to kiss this girl called Eva…” “And that’s it?” Simon asked.

“Yeah…” she nodded, taking a drink from the bottle before she passed it to Fliss.

 “Spill…” Frank instructed her, his hand on her hip where she was still nestled in between his legs.

 “I was 19…and, yeah, well, I experimented” she shrugged. “A few times…” 

“Wait, there was…” Frank looked at her as she turned her head to grin at him “You did more than kiss?”

 “For me to know and you to find out Sailor…” she winked. Well fuck me!

 Another 15 minutes or go they’d exhausted the bottle of vodka and decided to call it a night. Bonnie was faring the worst out of them all, her and Simon walking a little behind everyone as he kept his arm round her to keep her steady. Frank noticed Fliss was remarkably with it considering what they’d drunk, but then for such a small person she did have quite a high tolerance, and she’d drunk a hell of a lot of water as well.

 At the hotel they bid everyone goodnight and headed up to their room where Fliss decided she needed to shower to get rid of all the glitter and sand and sweat from dancing. Frank was inclined to agree so let her go first, swapping over after 10 minutes or so with an exchange of a soft kiss in the bathroom doorway. By the time Frank got out of the shower Fliss was sat cross legged on the large bed dressed in a camisole and boy-shorts set which was white with multi-coloured polka dots on it. It was the set he had bought her for Valentine’s Day, along with a set of baby-pink lace underwear. He loved seeing her in lace, but there was something about the lounge sets like the one she was wearing now that gave her an innocence, made her look so comfy and so settled that he adored seeing her wearing them around the house and to bed…even if they didn’t stay on long.

 She grinned up at him as he smiled, crossing to drop a kiss on her head.

 “You raid the minibar?” he asked, nodding to the packet of chips she had ripped open.

 “Yeah.” she shrugged “Figured fuck it, why not?” “Well…”he crossed the room and opened the fridge which was under the TV unit “In for a penny…” he pulled two beers out, popped the tops and passed her one.

 “Don’t you think we’ve had enough?”

“Can you see straight?”

 “Yeah…”

“Then no.” he said and she laughed, taking it from him.

 “You’re a bad man Frank Adler.” “I try.” he quipped. She shook her head, smiling before she reached for her phone which had just gone off. Frank whipped the towel from around his waist and stepped into a clean pair of boxers before he roughly dried his hair.

 “Bonnie says her and Simon are hitting the beach during the day tomorrow…do you fancy it?” “Sure.” he nodded, dropping to the bed, laying down on his side, propping himself up on his elbow as he reached for a Dorito.

 “At least I think that’s what this message says. ‘Going to the Bitch…’ I mean that’s gotta be beach huh?” 

Frank snorted as Fliss scrunched up the empty chip bag and tossed it across the room where it settled just besides the bin. They both looked at it for a second before Fliss shrugged. ”She was trashed.”

 “I’m not surprised.” Fliss said, moving to toss her phone onto the night table before she too settled on her side, facing Frank, elbow on the pillow “Simon was deliberately asking questions in that game where he knew she’d have to drink…” “Oh and you weren’t…” he looked at Fliss who shrugged, grinning cheekily “Never have I ever called anyone else’s name during sex, I mean seriously! She was right there!”

 “I know, which is what made it so funny.” “Funny is not the word I would use…” “Oh whatever, and as if Greg has done that too!” she said, chuckling as she also settled on her side “He’s a dark horse…” “So are you…” he looked at her taking a long drink of his beer. “In fact….I think you need to tell me more about these lesbian encounters you experienced whilst experimenting aged 19."  

 "They weren't proper lesbian encounters, I was teasing you...." 

 "I don't care, make em up." He said and she let out a laugh.

 "If I do will it get me something nice?" she grinned.

 "Something very, very nice."  He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

 Fliss grinned and then launched into a clearly made up bullshit story about some girl called Candy and Frank completely zoned out. He was simply too caught up concentrating on the childish, teasing expression on her face as she spoke. Her eyes were shining in the dim light of the room as she talked and grinned in the same manner she had been doing all night. Not even the encounter with that asshole’s brother has dampened her spirit. She was just enjoying herself, freely. And so was he. She said she couldn't remember the last festival or concert she had been to, and Frank had admitted the same. It had to have been easily 10 years ago. It felt good to be recapturing that part of their lives they had both given up (albeit for very different reasons) and making new memories together that he knew would last a lifetime. 

 A lifetime...huh, how about that?

 He zoned back in just in time to hear Fliss' very risqué story telling, and dropped his head with a sight that was half laugh, half groan at her filthy tale.

 "...and her thighs were so strong, it was ridiculous, my ears were squashed so hard, I felt like my head was in a vice. Still, I managed to-"

 "Ok..." he said, taking her beer off her and setting it down on his nightstand along with his, before he leaned over Fliss, caging her with his arms "I'm getting kinda jealous...and a bit turned on...it’s very confusing.

 “You asked…” she muttered as his face dropped her hers.

“Yeah, I did…” his lips brushed against hers “And I promised you something nice…” “Very,very nice…” Fliss said, her hands sliding up his arms to his shoulder.

 “Well, I’m a man of my word…” he grinned, lips pressing to hers harder this time in a soft, deep kiss which he pulled away from and ran his nose against hers. “Turn over…”

 “What?” she looked at him, her eyes widening slightly.

“You trust me?”

“Of course I do…” “Then turn over…”

 She took a deep breath, and looked at him and he looked straight back, fully understanding what she was thinking. He’d never asked her to do that before. “Lissy, I promise I’m not gonna hurt you.” “I know you’re not…” she shook her head, before she bit her lip and he moved back so she could turn over onto her stomach. With gently finger tips he brushed her hair off her shoulders, sweeping it to one side gently dropping soft kisses down her neck as his hands traced down to her hips. He gently grasped her top and she moved to allow him to slide it up and over.

 The sheets on the bed rustled slightly as he moved downwards, pressing his lips to the small of her back, watching her reaction carefully as he saw her fingers clutching softly at the pillow. He continued his affections, lips and hands exploring every part of the soft skin on her back until he was fully led over her, thighs bracketing hers, his mouth gently sucking at that spot behind her ear that drove her wild. And right on cue she let out a low groan and he felt his groin twitch at the noise. Fliss could feel his hardness against her back and as his teeth gently grazed her ear she felt her spine arch slightly.

 He moved away, and his hand gently slid to grasp at the hem of her shorts, and she tilted her hips up slightly so he could pull them down, hurriedly departing with his own boxers before he resumed his previous position.

 “You good?” he asked her softly and she nodded in response. 

With gentle hands he reached down between her legs to finding her hot and wet for him already. At his touch she arched her back again. Frank let out a grin and moved slightly so he could part her thighs with his knee. Repositioning himself, he led flat, his arms sliding up hers so he could lace his fingers with hers, palms resting on the backs of her hands and he gently pushed into her, the pair of them giving a groan at the feeling and tightness of this angle. He gently thrust, his chest sliding up over her back, and she moved ever so slightly with him, her head tilted back slightly and she turned her face towards his where he caught her mouth in a slow, sloppy kiss. Frank continued his languid, deep movements, listening to the quickening of her breath and eventually he felt her hips beginning to rise in slow circles, her whimpers increasing.

 He gently knelt up, and pulled her hips so she was perched on her knees, pushing into her slowly, deeply, letting her get used to the position that they’d never tried before because Frank knew it wasn’t one she had good memories of but right now, her body was relaxed and she was giving him everything. His hand reached up and he traced down her spine before he leaned over and placed another soft kiss on her neck before he moved and grasped at her hips again, his pace gently quickening, a low moan escaping his mouth as Fliss pushed back onto him, wordlessly telling him she wanted more. He thrust forwards again and again, pulling her back onto him at the same time, his eyes focussed on where they were joined, the sight of him sliding in and out of her made him moan with desire.

“Don’t stop…” he heard her half pant, half whisper and he picked up the pace ever so slightly, leaning over to gently nip at the back of her neck, causing her to shudder, a deep growl rumbled in his chest as her walls briefly squeezed around him.

“Fuck, baby…” he groaned as her hands clutched at the bed sheets whilst he buried himself deep inside of her stilling for a moment.

“Frankie…” she whined and squirmed as she turned to look at him over her shoulder. Once glance at his clenched jaw and she knew he was trying to fight back his high as he picked up his previous movements, just a little bit faster. She was close, quietly moaning his name as she dropped her head back down, forehead against the pillows, her spine arching as he continued to thrust.

Frank groaned again “Come on sweetheart...” his voice deeper like it always was when he was in the throes of desire, “let go for me.” He rolled his hips forwards, five or six more times before she was done.

“Fuck, Frank, I…” she let out a broken cry as her core spasmed again and again and her entire body trembled as a loud lament spilled from her lips. He was done himself, and with a groan of her name his relief washed over him with an intensity he couldn’t even begin to describe.

Fliss collapsed forward and Frank tumbled with her, his chest onto her back, his weight crushing her in the best way possible for a second ot two before he rolled onto his side. Reaching out, his hand gently across her bare back as Fliss face, which was pressed into the pillow turned to face him.

He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss, brushing her hair off her face.

“Okay…” she mumbled, nodding at him “I’ll concede. That was very, very nice…”

******* “You behaving?” Frank asked Mary as he and Fliss lay in bed the next morning, the phone held at arms-length so they could both see her.

“Yeah, of course…” Mary rolled her eyes “Bill took me to the yard last night and Joanne helped me tack Monty up and then Bill walked round the field with us so the dogs could have a run and it was awesome!”

“When I get back we’ll do the full trail ride.” Fliss smiled at her “Takes a good hour, we can go one evening before it gets dark.”

“Cool!” Mary grinned, bending down and then suddenly Fred’s bemused face filled the screen. Frank snorted as he was instructed to say hi to Fred, which he did, before the cat settled down on Mary’s lap and she continued to chat to him about what she had done the night before…which was basically staying up until gone midnight with Bill watching Harry Potter in the movie room.

Eventually they got her to pass the phone over to Verity, who assured Frank she was no trouble, and then they cut the call and decided to get up and head down for breakfast to meet everyone.

The day was spent lazily on the beach. Fliss hardly moved at all, simply soaking up the sun as Frank and Simon continuously brought her and Bonnie a supply of drinks as the man remained by the bar at the top of the sand.

“I gotta ask…”Bonnie said, turning to look at Fliss “And tell me to shut up if I’m outta line but yesterday, that guy Frank looked like he wanted to kill…who was he? Simon says he’s never seen Frank that angry…” “Oh, err…” Fliss rubbed her head “It was my ex-husbands brother, he was being an ass hole.” “Oh.” Bonnie frowned “I take it you don’t get along…nasty break up?” “You could say that…” Fliss said, taking a sip of her drink, tapping the straw lightly on her lips. “John…my ex…he er…he used to beat me. Badly. He’s actually in prison, well, for how long we don’t know as he had his parole hearing about 4 weeks ago so..” “Oh shit…” Bonnie dropped her gaze “Sorry, I didn’t…” “It’s ok.” Fliss said, waving off the usual apologies that came when she told someone about her past.

There was a moment of silence before Bonnie sat up and looked at Fliss.

“Wanna go for a dip?”

Fliss glanced at her, then down to the ocean and grinned, nodding.

Yelling to the boys to watch their stuff they headed down to the waves, Fliss happily diving straight in, simply allowing herself to float. She was calm, relaxed, and couldn’t remember a time she’d ever felt so happy before.

Eventually, it hit 5pm and Fliss was hungry. So they decided to pack up, grab a bite from the bar and then go change ready for the evening. Fliss had to smile as she saw Frank and the rest of the boys stood at a table by the beach bar all clutching pints and laughing. He was dressed in a pink shirt, black shorts with a baseball cap on the wrong way, glasses shielding his eyes.

“I never realised what an overgrown Frat Boy I’m dating.” Fliss mumbled to Bonnie who snorted as they made their way up the wooden boardwalk, beach bags in their hand.

 “Hey pretty girl.” Frank smiled as Fliss slid under his arm, reaching for his pint. With a roll of his eyes he watched as she took a huge drink. “You know if you want one I’ll get you one…” “Tastes better when it’s someone else’s.” Fliss shrugged.

 “Yeah, why is that?” Bonnie asked.

 “Because it’s stolen.” Simon looked at her “Well known fact, forbidden fruit just tastes better.”

Fliss went again for Frank’s drink and he jerked it out of her reach “Piss off, look, here…” he said, reaching into his pocket and handing her his wallet “Go to the bar.” She grinned and dropped a kiss to his lips, turning away, Bonnie following.

 “Dude you’re so whipped.” Jake snorted at him.

 “Yeah, I don’t much care.” Frank shrugged, burping slightly as he looked at Fliss, taking in her appearance. Her hair was falling around her face and down her back in a mass of long, messy salt and sand tangled waves and she was wearing a pink crochet slip over her black bikini. He would happily admit he was well under her spell and that she could whip him all she fucking wanted to. 

They grabbed a bite to eat, headed back, changed and made their way to the park for their second night of music. It went much the same as the night before, Bonnie and Fliss taking off on their own adventures, and Frank keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of John’s fucker of a brother, but he didn’t see him.

 By the time Liam Gallagher came onto the stage, Fliss was drunk. And so was he. But it didn’t stop her from going wild. Once again she knew every single word to every single song and when he launched into Rock and Roll Star she started pogoing like a person possessed. Mind you, so was everyone else on the dance floor in front of the stage, so Frank joined in. He quite liked this song and, well, if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em…

 He ended the set with Live Forever, Frank’s favourite song that he had done and Fliss sighed happily.

“He’s sooo good!” she said, “Why does he have to go?”

“Because his set has finished.” “But why?” “Because it has!” Frank laughed “He’s been on for almost an hour and it’s 1 am!”

“Hey, Liss, don’t worry…” Bonnie hiccupped “Hot Dub starts in 20…just enough time for a drink…” “Yes…” Fliss agreed, pointing at her. “But I think I need some water too.”

“Pussy…” Frank looked at her and she narrowed his eyes at him.

“I’ll carry on drinking beer if you want, but you’ll be clearing up my puke later.” He snorted and held his hands up, palms out “Water it is.” Hot Dub Time Machine was surreal. He was on for about an hour and took them through a load of the best party songs from the 60s right through to the present day. One minute Frank was doing the Twist and Shout with Fliss, and the next they were all in a circle air-guitaring to Immigrant Song by Led Zep.

 By the time they left the park it was almost half 2 in the morning and Fliss decided that she didn’t want to walk and insisted Frank give her a piggy back. He rolled his eyes but crouched down and she took a jump onto his back as he carried her the 10 minutes or so back to the hotel, Simon groaning at him as Bonnie kept complaining he wouldn’t carry her.

 “You’re showing me up, dude!” he glared at Frank who simply shrugged as Fliss smirked.

 “I like riding him.” She hiccupped, as everyone burst into laughter and Frank shook his head as she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

 “You’re a fucking nightmare” he sniggered and she shrugged.

 *****

 The next morning everyone was feeling the effects of a heavy weekend, and Frank was pleased that they had the late check out option. Eventually, after dragging themselves out of bed they managed to shower, pack up and head down to check out. There was another argument about who was paying for the room, this time Fliss winning as she put her foot down telling him he was paying for New York and that she really wanted to pay for this. She’d told Frank before about John never letting her have any financial control over anything and Frank knew that it meant a lot to her so he relented, and instead bought them brunch before they set off home.

 They got back in time for a roast dinner, and then they headed back to the annex to watch a film, Fliss crashing out halfway through. She left them to it and headed to bed and was flat out by the time Frank made his way upstairs.

 “I can’t believe you got the day off!” She moaned at him over breakfast on the Monday morning.

 “I can’t believe you didn’t” he shot back

“I can’t…clients and stuff.” She pouted, biting into her toast before she groaned again. “I’m too old for partying all weekend…I can’t hack it anymore.” Frank snorted and took a sip of his coffee before Fliss grinned at him. “Can we go again next year?”

 Frank laughed “The Circle Of Truth have already decided it’s going to be an annual thing from now on.” he said, standing up and with a kiss to her head he moved to the stairs yelling for Mary to get a wiggle on. She came down the stairs, Fred and Thor following before she ate her cereal and then Frank bustled her out of the door to drop her off for the last Monday of the school term. 

Wednesday lunchtime, however, their happy little bubble burst.

 Frank was actually in the sales part of the shop, discussing the benefits of different types of engines with a customer, having been asked to give some advice. He spotted Fliss’ jeep pulling up and as soon as she climbed out and turned towards him, he could tell from her face what was going on.

 “Excuse me for just one second.” He politely told the customer, and glancing at his boss he jerked his head towards Fliss. His boss, a nice enough guy called Andy, knew vaguely what was going on and nodded in understanding as Frank stepped outside.

 “Baby?” he asked tentatively as Fliss stopped in front of him.

“He did it.” she whispered softly, stepping into his arm, pressing her face into his chest.  “He made parole. They let the fucker out.”

**** Chapter 18

[william-dumbass-poindexter]

Frog Headcanons

I wrote this about 2 years ago and decided to finally post it

Putting it under a keep reading because it might get long

Chowder

He’s from the bay area, right? he has what I like to call Fog Vision. because anyone who’s ever been to the bay knows it gets foggy. he can navigate his way through it without bumping into anything. Fog. Vision

(these are like disgustingly stereotypical Californian headcanons but i’m from california leave me alone)

he got a job his junior year of high school and proceeded to blow his entire first paycheck on in n out

he doesn’t really like their fries, but he thinks their burgers are the Best Thing Ever

the east coast’s lack of in n out is Cruel to him

Contrary to popular belief, his favorite animal is a cheetah, and not a shark (i will not provide further info)

he took a creative writing class with nursey sophomore year, and actually kinda liked it

loves lemonade

on the same note, can eat a lemon without like.. dying ig. like his face doesnt even move he just eats the lemon

every time he does it nursey cries

tried to bake with bitty one time but he got too excited and cracked an egg in his hand... is now banned from baking with bitty

laughs in the face of people who think california is all sunshine and surfer dudes. A large part of northern california is wannabe hicks and conservatives. They Have No Idea

he and farmer have weekly movie night dates where they watch 90s/early 2000s romcoms

sometimes nursey and dex are there

Nursey

he’s probably at least 8% iced coffee by now

will only drink hot coffee if absolutely neccessary

he also drinks a lot of water?? gotta Stay Hydrated

wore blue contacts once in high school and his dad screamed (i hc nursey as having 2 dads)

has been a number behind ransom on the samwell’s most beautiful list for two years (ransom’s gone now... and nursey’s gonna snatch his throne)

can actually cook but it’s only either 4th of July Barbeque food or ‘I saw this once on chopped’ food

swears he’s a cat person but has only ever had dogs 

his favorite dog was the puppy that his dads got him when he was a freshman in high school. a pit bull/german shepard mix that they rescued. her name was gray (even though she was blond)

surprisingly really close with last years seniors (lardo, ransom, holster) cried a lot at their graduation

shares a love of sitcoms with holster. they watch brooklyn nine nine every week and text each other about it (they do the same with the good place)

huge harry potter nerd. read all the books. went as harry for halloween at least three times as a kid. is a hufflepuff

calls dex ‘weasley’ at least once a week

went through a phase where all he wanted was olive garden breadsticks. he doesn’t even like olive garden

Dex

drank an entire gallon of iced tea one summer (regretted it instantly)

gets sunburnt under fluorescent lights

has an emergency first aid kit in his backpack that he put together himself

it has a bottle of aloe vera, band aids, neosporin, and ibuprofen

swears by ibuprofen. someone could get stabbed and he’s be like ‘but did u try ibuprofen’

wont ever let them know, but he loves romcom movie night. even if he and nursey arent there that often, he loves when they are

him and bitty talked about opening a bakery one time

covered in freckles. head to toe freckles from the second the first sun of spring shines on samwell

huge dumbass. he's handy, he's book smart, he's a fucking dumbass. truly.

plays minecraft. no I will not elaborate

[plush-anon]

SCOOB! Stream of Consciousness Review

Here we are folks - I finally review the originally cinematic, fully CGI animated Scooby Doo Movie (one year later... I did not queue this as I thought I had last June - damn you, Tumblr. I’m not changing much here, so enjoy as it was intended).

Created by a team who have professed their affection for this mystery team and their meddling dog too, will this be a lush experience fit to satisfy any Hanna-Barbera fan? Or will it be a hot garbage cash-grab, littered with Easter eggs and references that do nothing to hide a meatless mess of outdated memes and shallow character development?

LET’S

FIND

OUT

Below this cut is my entire stream-of-consciousness review on the SCOOB! Movie, as experienced. SPOILER warning here - I’m digging into everything, no plot points spared. 

Here we go~

And we start off with a decent shot of the California coastline (looks like the kids backstory is front and center), some 90s hip-hop synthwave song about California, and OH SWEET JESUS THESE MODELS LOOK TERRIBLE

Ahem

Yeah, this is a problem right off the bat - some of these people in the opening shots look remarkably unfinished - think three shades above “Rapsittie Kids: Believe in Santa” level - and the animation on them is less than stellar. 

On the plus side, we do see a fantastic variety of ages, sizes, and races - there’s a brief blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Sikh man on roller skates playing a sitar - but when the designs look rushed in the opening shots, it’s not a fantastic sign. At least they’re brief, but it’s hard to see if this is a lower level of the film’s style due to rushed animation, or if they didn’t care to polish it up as much, given that it’s maybe a 30 second scene. 

Still, kudos to actually going for variety in the crowd shots. Minus kudos to making most of the clothes look like Play-doh draped over a Barbie doll. I’m not even kidding on that one, the clothes are super basic and barely have any sign of texture or creasing or even fabric/cut variety. Almost reminds me of the first Toy Story movie’s design for human clothes, yeesh. 

----

Ahh, our first introduction to Scooby Doo at a Greek gyro food stand. That’s foreshadowing right there folks! 😉

Sadly, he is really weirdly animated in his run sequence - he looks out of proportion as he’s running on his hind legs, and the human animation has really bad consistency - some background characters are really janky, while others actually move really nicely. The characters we immediately focus on seem to be pretty smooth at least, but that’s still very strange.

On a side note: Ruby and Spears Sub Sandwich shop. Nice 😁

----

They are reaaaally pushing the super over-the-top dramatic music for a bike cop chasing a dog that stole gyro meat

Why

It’s not even interesting chase music, just generic super-hyped-up chase music

----

And now we finally get to see a young Shaggy, standing next to a tie-dye food stand called Casey’s Confections that… sells meat. Hm. Guess WB hasn’t learned after all these years 🙄

Unfortunately, I’m not a huge fan of the kid they got to play him, Iain Armitage. He’s not a bad voice actor by any means, but he just doesn’t sound right for Shaggy. I know that as a kid he’d be much less likely to have a cracking/squeaky voice, but he sounds… it’s hard to pin down a word, but - precocious? Darling? Either way it doesn’t quite match, especially given how Shaggy sounds when he grows up via Will Forte. Just… no connection there. 

I tie it down to the particular vocal twangs and nuances the gang usually has. I’ll touch base on that note later I think, once we hit the teenage versions of the gang, but for now I’m just not feeling it. 

----

On the one hand, I empathize deeply with Shaggy and his Spotify’s unsettling ability to pinpoint his insecurities with song choices, and also deeply enjoy that one small gesture where his fingers kind of shake & tighten around his phone while he takes a deep breath to calm himself- it’s a very nice, subtle sign of frustration

On the other hand we just passed two guys with no nipples and an unerring likeness to a Ken doll in those Barbie movies, so I’m distracted by that now

(between this and Fred’s no-nipples in Happy Halloween SD!, is WB just terrified of giving men nipples in animated movies now? what gives?)

Also distracted by the thrifty lesbians who bought those two shirts that come together to make a heart in the middle, on the store’s 2 for 1 day

happy pride y’all!

---

Finally got context for the two sand piles!

Very, very sad context, but still! Progress!

Basically Shaggy’s practicing talking to people in order to learn how to make friends, since he either has no idea how, or has never had a friend before. So he’s trying to learn the right way to do it since his own attempts have failed

And him talking to these sand piles not only counts as practice, but he’s using them so that his mom thinks he’s spending time with friends like he told her

Ow :)

---

So ketchup leather is apparently a thing that exists

I’m learning so much today!

---

Given that Shaggy has no friends at this stage, but he’s still called Shaggy, I’m kind of wondering if that was a mean nickname that everyone called him, but he was just grateful for the interaction/pretended it was from friends, so he kept it 🤔

Actually, take it back, his mother is calling him that. Family nickname, maybe…?

----

Shaggy has Blue Falcon (classic) and Dynomutt funko pops

noice

---

Oof, you can reaaaaally hear the age in Frank Welker’s Scooby voice. Can we get Scott Innes back? He sounds almost identical to his performance 20+ years ago :/

Also talking waaaay too much - even SDMI Scooby wasn’t this wordy, and he NEVER shut the hell up 

----

Okay wait

So Shaggy met Scooby on Halloween day - then met the rest of the gang hours later?

Huh. And here I was thinking it would have been a few weeks minimum 

Although I have to say there is a lot here to work with, if it paces out how I think it does

Shaggy meets Scooby. Bare hours later, he buys him a collar (instead of his mom? weird) and asks him to stay with him, despite not really knowing him. Then, only a couple hours after that, he finally makes some friends… but only when Scooby is with him. 

Given that it looks like the gang are all around the same age in the same neighborhood, there’s a solid chance that they’ve taken classes together at the same school. If none of them met/knew/made friends with Shaggy then, but only did so AFTER Scooby came into the picture, that might lead to the argument we know about later when they split up; afterwards, S&SD go to the bowling alley, then get abducted by the Blue Falcon, plot continues. This could make it seem like they were only friends with him at the start because he had a dog. 

And the brief scene earlier with the music device shows that he tries to tamp down on his anger/doesn’t really address it - could lead to something more later 

hmmmm 🤔

---

Wait what

These two kid bullies just came out of nowhere, stole Shaggy’s candy… and then started on about how Halloween is only a marketing ploy to get companies to rot your teeth and go to the dentist more, before throwing the bag through a window and telling the two that ‘your blood sugar will thank us for it!’

Are - are these the brainwashed children of a Karen? Is that what I’m seeing?

I mean we could have had a Red Herring cameo, but apparently informing children about candy conspiracy theories is more important :/

----

Daphne: It’s Halloween - no one should go home without their candy

FD&V: *none of them have candy/candy bags*

???????

(Wouldn’t it make more sense if the bullies had stolen their candy too? What the hey man)

----

I do find it neat that we actually get to SEE the wires the ‘ghost’ uses to fly in full effect - that’s actually pretty cool, and not really something we get to see up close in older Scooby shows. Most of those just have the bad guy randomly flying about, and the wires revealed after the fact 

---

Actually, given how FD&V react to this ghost almost immediately… have they already been solving mysteries? It seems like it, given how smoothly they move together to capture him

That’s kind of odd in kids. Like, even in PNSD they weren’t perfectly in-sync on stuff

This then leads to the gang solving mysteries together… in spite of the fact that all Shag and Scoob did was hide in the wardrobe that had the stolen goods, while FD&V captured the dude 

Granted, they do ask Shag and Scoob if they wanna join in and say yes, but that seems like an strange jump after what could have been a one-time deal

I just find that a touch odd - esp when they could have had a five minute scene or so of them wandering around the house, touching on some old SDWAY traits. Heck, show that they’re SCARED in some way, and don’t immediately move to tackle what looks like a murderous spirit at age 8-9 or so. Even just showing the kids learning about each other would be enough, but what do I know. I’ve only watched Scooby Doo everything since I was 4 🙄

---

Ahhhh, and now for the updated rendition of the theme song

Where they’re all still kids doing everything the teenage gang did in the theme song

It doesn’t look as good as the OG, though - kind of like a computer game simulating the SDWAY intro using the PNSD kids in CGI. It’s honestly strange to see, and a little jarring - especially when we then transition to the older teenage gang right in the middle

Like, we don’t get to see you guys age through the song as you’re chased by/catch different monsters? That could have been pretty neat honestly - shows how long they’ve been doing this

Tho I gotta admit, seeing the Spooky Space Kook with his OG sound effects is pretty awesome, brief as it waoH MY GOD FRED WHY ARE YOU HAVING A ROMANTIC BEACHSIDE DATE WITH THE MYSTERY MACHINE 

THAT WASN’T IN THE ORIGINAL AND NO ONE ELSE GETS A CHARACTER INSIGHT SHOT LIKE THIS

WHY

----

Huh, looks like Ruby & Spears gave up their subway sandwich shop for a coffee shop

That apparently the gang goes to in order to eat malt shop food

okay?

----

Ah, and here’s where we finally look at the voice acting of the older teenage gang. Buckle up folks, cause I gotta lot to say

We’ll start with Fred, bc honestly? I think Efron actually fits him pretty dang well. He’s got a different cadence from Welker, true, but as far as an update goes? I think he’s a solid fit. Very much in line with the all-American kid that Fred’s kind of been slated as for the past 50 years or so, but updated more for the modern perspective. I call it solid (and possibly a replacement for whenever Welker decides to retire). 

Next? Oof. Velma is, IMHO, the weakest casting. Velma, no matter her voice actress, has ALWAYS had some form of nasal twang to her voice - that’s part of what makes her Velma to begin with, and helps her stand out. Nicole Jaffe, Pat Stevens, BJ Ward, Christina Lange (PNSD), Mindy Cohn, Kate Micucci, Linda Cardellini -heck, even Haley Kiyoko from ‘The Mystery Begins’ and Sarah Gilman from the ‘Daphne and Velma’ movie understood this! They all had that nasal twang to their voice - differing between actresses, of course, but still recognizable as Velma. Gina Rodriguez though? Honestly, it just sounds like she’s acting it straight. Not bad acting at all, by any means - she just doesn’t sound like Velma, and doesn’t seem to be trying to. (Honestly wondering if she was only hired bc she voices Carmen Sandiego in the reboot cartoon for the lolz fun reference! type connection) 

Daphne is sort of similar in voices, but hers is more of a pitch her voice hits - Heather North, Mary Kay Bergman, and Grey Delisle Griffin all have that pitch they hit naturally when speaking. Amanda Seyfried? Does not - in fact, her voice is actually deeper than I was expecting - but it’s not quite as big a difference as it is for Velma. It fits her character type okay, and she does well with it overall.  

And finally, the most controversial one: Will Forte’s Shaggy. 

I’ll go ahead and say this: he’s not Scott Menville levels of bad Shaggy voice acting. If I were to place him on a list, I’d probably put him around Billy West level - kind of sounds similar via vocal tics (voice cracking, likes and zoinks, etc), but his own voice just overtakes the impression he’s seeking to hit. When I hear him speak, I don’t really hear Shaggy; I just hear Will Forte trying to do an impression of Shaggy. 

In comparison: when Scott Innes took over for Shaggy, it was like Casey Kasem’s, just a touch more of a twang to his voice and just a dash over-the-top - but it was still Shaggy, and you didn’t doubt that for a minute.

Same thing for Lillard, but maybe moreso - he was pretty much the most perfect casting for a live-action Shaggy there could be at the time Scooby Doo (2002) was made. Him taking over for Kasem from there made perfect sense: he was honestly the best cast Mystery Inc member of the live-actions, and a lot more recognizable to the general public as Shaggy than Scott Innes was. He could also do different emotions with Shaggy that not a lot of the other voice actors had the chance to do (mainly bc script), so for future stuff they have that flexibility, if they wanted to play around a little more. 

With any luck Forte will get better over the course of the movie, but honestly the casting could have been so much better with Matt Lillard and Kate Micucci. 

----

Shaggy Rogers, evading taxes since 2020

----

siMON COWELL??!? 

WHAT THE

WHY?!?!?

ALSO HIS CHARACTER DESIGN STYLE IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM THE REST OF THE GANG WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON?!!?

IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SD CELEBRITY CAMEO

LIKE

IF YOU WERE GOING TO DO A CAMEO FROM AMERICAN IDOL WHY NOT RYAN SEACREST 

HE TOOK OVER FOR CASEY KASEM ON THE AMERICAN TOP 40 WOULDN’T THAT MAKE MORE SENSE

aaauuuggghhh

---

Also he’s there as a potential investor in Mystery Inc as a detective agency

A music industry professional… is interested in funding a detective agency.

Like… did he miss out on Josie & the Pussycats? Is that why he’s here?

----

Wait a minute

Oh noooooo

I know why he’s here

I remember this spoiler

Shit

-----

And once again, here is your reminder to tell Simon Cowell a great big fcuk you

Only this time it’s for making Shaggy and Scooby feel worthless and saying that friendship is worthless and cannot be counted on for anything worthwhile

Simon Cowell: Professional Dickhead

---

Welp, at least this gives a solid reason why they leave: Simon Cowell was being a professional dickhead, and the gang didn’t really say anything against him or interrupt him on his whole ‘Shag and Scoob are worthless spiel’

Or, well... Daphne stepped up some, but more to say ‘they’re our friends!’ rather than ‘that’s entirely wrong, our friends aren’t worthless!’ Better than nothing, but yeesh

----

Ahhh, Takamoto Bowling - the emptiest bowling alley in the evenings this side of Coolsville 

(no seriously, the past few times my dad has taken my sister and me bowling pre-pandemic, no matter the day or time? it’s ALWAYS got more than 6 lanes of people there, what the heck)

Also Scooby wears three bowling shoes, which honestly makes more sense than I thought it would - that pup goes spinning and sliding every which way on a normal floor, bowling alley floors would be like ten times worse

----

here’s a nice little detail - when Scooby sees one of the bowling pins peek out with red eyes and he yells that to Shaggy, Shaggy actually squints and walks closer to see if it actually does have eyes

aww

----

Huh, okay 

Panicked Will Forte Shaggy actually sounds more like a good Shaggy voice than normal talking Will Forte Shaggy

I can dig it

---

Still kind of underwhelmed by the Shag and Scoob disguise scene - wouldn’t it make more sense to have them like, dish up hot sauce or something on a plate that nonsensically makes the robots overheat before they discover their ruse?

Idk, maybe they’re off their game after Simon ‘Dickhead’ Cowell

---

Carlton Way - must be named after Fred’s only other voice actor, Carlton Stevens of PNSD

Also Hanna’s Barber Shop is next to Barbera’s Pizza! Cute.

And… Pitstop’s Pink Perfume ad. Wait, who is that? *assorted googling noises*

...ahhh, Penelope Pitstop from Wacky Races! Who, according to Wikipedia, was revealed to have Greek ancestry in the 2016 Wacky Raceland comic book, having been born on the island of Aegina

Now I’m wondering if we’ll see her in this too, given Cerberus...

----

Honestly kind of fascinating to see the gang with a police radio in their van

Also fascinating to see that only main characters are allowed clothing variety and texture/creases/folds

---

it’s actually really sweet to see Fred, upon hearing that Shag and Scoob are likely in danger, immediately makes a 90 degree turn in traffic

---

It looks like they changes Dee Dee’s name a hair - now it’s Dee Dee Skyes, instead of Sykes

It works well for the Falcon aesthetic, so that’s cool

----

Shaggy, after Dee Dee tells them that Dastardly’s trying to kill them: Scoob, someone thinks we’re important enough to *mimes slitting throat*!

Scooby: It’s nice to be wanted.

Excellent! This movie has captured Shag and Scoob’s blasé attitude towards death! Now we’re onto a solid Scooby film :D

Dee Dee: Hmm, I hear that!

And they even have a friend to share in their attitude! Splendid!

----

Christ, I can work photoshop better than Blue Falcon can, and I don’t even know how to use photoshop

I will give major kudos on his costume tho - it maintains the important elements of the OG Falcon, while still updating it with more bird-related aesthetic, like the feathered appearance of parts of his costume, the split cape resembling the tail feathers, and the talon gauntlets & boots. neat!

---

Yooo, Dynomutt, I thought secret identities were still a thing with Superheroes, what the hey are you doing giving it out to a duo you literally just picked up behind a bowling alley

Ngl, I’m kinda hoping we get some scenes where Dynomutt messes up a little like in the OG cartoon - this one feels really serious, which is kind of strange

---

Okay now I want to see older!Blue Falcon come in for a cameo

Mainly bc I’m getting the feeling that this one is a major dumbass, and not in the fun and friendly himbo kind of way 😑

---

Wait, THAT’S our first look at Dastardly? That’s a bit abrupt, isn’t it?

Also his ship must be pumping thousands of gallons of toxins into the air, that smoke cloud looks hideous. Forget logging into his mom’s Netflix account like the trailer said, EPA should probably be hunting him for sport with a laser cannon, jesus fcuking christ

---

Honestly kinda want a plane you can pilot like a motorbike now

---

Welp, it looks like we have a fun, mustache-twirly, puns-aplenty, loves-to-be-bad kind of villain on our hands folks! This is gonna be FUN AS HECK

---

Eurgh, this scene - the super-stiff-but-stretched-out ‘yeeurgh’ faces really squick me for some reason, but I can’t really pinpoint why

---

I have decided I highly dislike the Brian Blue Falcon, or Brian Falcon for short, and would like to see Dastardly tie him to some railroad tracks

---

North St for Heather North, and… wait… Funland Carnival? Like where Charlie the Robot hung out?

Apparently that’s in Romania.

A very yellow-greenfilter Romania at that.

 Like, I’ve seen blue washes on movies trying to portray evening in the middle of the day so they don’t actually have to shoot at night, but yellow? That’s normally used for deserts and hot days and uhhh 

NOT for evenings in a country with landscape like THIS

odd

(I mean I guess they got the mountains and trees right, but still. Yellow filters make a place look arid, which Romania is Not, to my knowledge)

----

Dude, Brian Falcon is such an idiot even Shaggy and Scooby, commonly portrayed as the idiots of Mystery Inc, look at him like he’s a moron.

(They are Not Amused.)

Also Brian Falcon is an absolute coward. That’s new. Even Shaggy and Scooby face off against the robots directly in a Whack-a-Mole game and destroy some. Dude, get your head in the fcuking game already, yikes

--

Woah, Laff-a-Lympics, Wacky Races, Hex Girls, The Banana Splits, Penelope Pitstop, Space Stars, Posse Impossible, and Hong Kong Phooey easter eggs in one shot

Geezus

--- 

Another nice moment: when cornered by Dastardly, Shaggy moves to stand in front of Scooby to protect him

---

Dastardly (to Shaggy): I don’t care about YOU. You’re not REMOTELY important!

*proceeds to shoot Shaggy THROUGH the ceiling and up into the highest car on a Ferris Wheel where Brian Falcon is hiding like a man baby*

Welp, so much for a fun and zany villain. Time for this Plush Anon to kill a bitch *cocks shotgun*

I will, too - kudos to the animators for hurting me so badly with the face Shaggy made right before being shot because

OW

---

Ehehehhehe, yess, the infamous ‘Dick’ scene

Dastardly: No, I’m a DICK. With a D!

You sure are, you sack of dildos with a D!

This scene had to be put in on purpose - if this had been released in theaters, I just know the adults would be dying in laughter 🤣🤣🤣

----

Shaggy: Brian, do something! 

Brian Falcon: Like what?

Shaggy: Like, drop some F-Bombs!

love it 😂

---

Is it like movie law now, that if there’s an action scene with a Ferris Wheel in the background, it has to fall off and roll down a mild incline like a wheel? Because it kinda feels like it

---

Aha! Dastardly said his drats! Perfection.

Now to shoot him through a ceiling to make them matter even more :D

---

OOF. 

Well that hurt. 

Poor Shaggy - basically internalizing now that he’s the worthless one and weak link of the group now that Scooby is considered more important

---

Holy fcuk I’m crying

Shaggy just broke Brian Falcon down to his deepest insecurities without even trying while talking to him

He even used the words ‘imposter syndrome’ 

Shaggy hon, you’re the best

----

Oh hey, Fred, Daphne, and Velma! It’s been a while since we saw you guys again, what are you doing?

Arguing about the metric system and realizing that Shaggy and Scooby reminding them to eat periodically helped them keep a clearer head...

And using the word ‘hangry’.

But then looking through a ridiculously cute photo album of the two and a video the gang took together (the video is honestly really heckin’ cute, 10000/10 would recommend)...

And then getting pulled over so Fred can have a brief ‘oo-la-la’ montage about the pretty blonde cop who honest-to-gods looks like a Barbie doll.

Where Daphne then describes how ugly Dastardly is...

Right before the petite blonde cop who’s maybe like 5’7” at best rips off her outfit to reveal it was Dick Dastardly this entire time, all 7ish feet of him.

And then kidnaps them all along with the Mystery Machine while he makes terribly fun dorky puns

…

...SO BACK TO SCOOBY AND SHAGGY...

---

...where Scooby is making kissy faces in the mirror while wearing his Blue Falcon uniform

Hrm, that’s not really better is it

We actually see Shaggy reading (OG) Blue Falcon’s autobiography, and making hurt but snide comments about Scooby’s ego

Which are actually pretty clever tbh

-----

Cooooooongratulations, Fred Jones! You are now officially a full-on himbo!

----

Alas, poor Daphne. While your knowledge of the tropes of your show might have served you well in other places, this was to be a theatrical release once upon a time, and so such knowledge falls to ruin.

----

You know, I just realized - we’re never really told HOW the Cerberus skulls work, both in how each skull can be used to find the others,  and, presumably, in releasing Cerberus itself. We’re given a brief glance-over of Scooby’s ancestry (and I mean REALLY damn brief), and a quick mention that these are supposed to be Cerberus’ skulls being stolen, but… that’s it. Nothing else is given. 

Now, I read the first few chapters of my SCOOB! Junior Novelization, and it actually went into further detail about the skulls themselves and what Dastardly’s initial plan was early in the book - open the gates of Hades and obtain the seas of treasure therein. It acted as an introduction both to the climatic endgame we’ll face at the end of the movie, and to Dastardly, who uses the same disguise trick he used as the Barbie cop when he stole the first one in South America. 

(They actually DID plan to use this as Dastardly’s intro, but cut this… 3 minute scene for time. Yeah. See below video for the details - honestly think they should have kept it in. Saves time later and definitely more show than tell, compared to what we got)

I feel like that would be a better introduction to him than the one we got - hell, it would have fit in quite neatly after the revamped theme song montage. They could have the scene with Dastardly finding/stealing the first skull as an introduction (as above), then have him answer a call or something. Exposit openly “You found the key! Excellent! Now where are we going next?” 

THEN cut to the diner/coffee shop scene we had earlier. We still wouldn’t know exactly what the key was/entailed off the bat, and they could still have FD&V find out on their own - maybe by hacking the little robot instead? IDK.

---

The final skull is on Messick Mountain.

Cute.

On a side note, I do love how Dastardly’s ship interior looks - very dieselpunk

---

Velma just hacked into Dynomutt… somehow, and I finally get my wacky Dynomutt shenanigans!  Hazoo!

...sadly that was really dang brief. Realistic, yes, but still too brief. 

---

Eyyyy, we finally get the whys of why Scooby is needed! … really dang fast. 

Also Fred says Jinkies. 

----

Hey, Muttley popped up! In a shrine… to his demise… that we find out he reached when Dastardly pushed him forward into the Underworld to steal the treasure of Alexander the Great in a portal he rigged up… only for both of them to find out it was a one-way deal unless they used the key to be able to come back. The key, of course, being Scooby Doo, descendent of Peritas, Alexander’s dog. 

Eh, workable enough-ish. It’s interesting to see that Dastardly, despite how much he disliked Muttley in the older cartoons, still cares about him to a certain extent. 

---

Pfff, Fred’s a poor man’s Hemsworth XD

---

Sweet, we’re in ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth’ now!

---

Um

O W W W

You guys really had to do the ‘me or them’ thing with Shaggy and Scooby… and tHeN hAvE sCoObY cHoOsE tHe FaLcONs?!? Just because they said he was important as “the key” and gave him a spandex costume.

Over at least 7 years of friendship. 

Booooooooooooo

---

actually no I’m Not Done Yet

This whole scene is a mess.

Like

Shaggy’s turn was really dang fast… but I can still see how he gets to it. It’s at least a day between Scooby being chosen as a pseudo-sidekick and the island arrival, during which Shaggy’s talk with the main adult (who has taken up the mantle of his favorite superhero) essentially confirms his feelings of worthlessness and leaves him to stew for HOURS on end (on top of another adult, Dastardly, who also calls him “not even REMOTELY important” at the carnival before freaKING SHOOTING HIM THROUGH THE CEILING NO I AM NOT OVER THIS). Tie that to a teenager who also believes his only friends have come to think he’s meaningless baggage, and suddenly his entire support system is vanishing underneath him to one of his former idols without ANY sign of hesitation from Scooby’s part (with the exception of the collar scene, but I don’t think that that means the same to Scooby, given how quickly he bounces back)

Scooby tho… hrm. It could be that he’s clinging to the good feelings Brian Falcon inspires in him (by choosing him as the next possible Dynomutt), as a way to overpower how FD&V hurt him, while also building on how he came to love the duo because SHAGGY loved them so much. But the movie doesn’t frame that up… at all?? At least compared to Shaggy. 

Idk, maybe I’m missing something, but this scene is a mess through and through

Boooooo

----

Scooby: *tries to leap into Brian Falcon’s arms like he did with Shaggy but falls*

Brian: Uh, what are you doing?

Scooby: Rhaggy never missed. 

Damn straight he didn’t

---

oh hey, it’s Captain Caveman

I was wondering when we’d see him.

---

AAAUUGGHH

It’s that blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene from the trailers I sobbed over - the one with Shaggy holding Scooby’s collar

Fun fact it actuALLY FADES INTO THE FLASHBACK

THAT WAS NOT A TRAILER THING THAT’S ACTUALLY HERE IN THE MOVIE

OW

---

Oh No

Fred is here, alone, after that whole scene with Dastardly saying he had a use for Fred

...while that’s likely Dastardly in a Fred suit (that sounds creepy just typing it), I’m still going to enjoy this brief but absolutely lovely hug Shaggy and Fred share...

(seriously tho, look at this, it’s a genuinely close, squish-your-lungs-out kind of hug, I love it)

...as well as Shaggy, who's still hurt from his fight with Scooby, immediately gearing up to go help him after hearing Dastardly’s trying to kidnap him.

----

Brian Falcon and Scooby Doo now have to take on Captain Caveman in gladiatorial combat in order to claim the final skull of Cerberus

I love cartoons sometimes

----

Captain Caveman just put the smackdown on Brian Falcon and punched him into the ground up to his CHEST

Then smacked him so far into a wall he cracked the stone around him!

GodDAMN is this satisfying 😆 altho minor question here: how did he gain the rank of Captain? Do cavepeople have a naval force?

---

He just whirled Scooby around his head, then spun him so fast his costume broke off

I may have to look into some Captain Caveman stuff now, that’s fantastic

---

Shaggy and Fred - sorry, “Fred” -  just smashed through to the colosseum in the Mystery Machine

And Dynomutt just fired missiles at Captain Caveman to smash him into an Amigara-shaped hole of himself

I REALLY love cartoons sometimes

---

Oh No

Just as Shaggy starts trying to apologize, “Fred” kicks him in the back, rips off his disguise to normal Dastardly self, and kidnaps Scooby atop the skull, before revealing he destroyed the Falcon Fury jet

New tagline for this movie? Shaggy Rogers and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day

...at least the rest of the gang is back together?

---

Brian Falcon: *Immediately tries to blame Shaggy for inadvertently leading Dastardly to them, while storming up to get in his face*

Fred: *upon realizing BrianF is blaming Shaggy for everything, without a SINGLE moment’s hesitation, immediately leaps in to defend Shaggy and physically push back Brian Falcon several feet*

We stan one Himbo, theydies and gentlethem

Also?

Velma (sneering): What kind of hero blames other people for his problems? *Walks over to comfort Shaggy with Daphne, while Shaggy looks dumbfounded they’re defending him bc he also blames himself for Scooby’s kidnapping*

This. This right here, is the kind of Mystery gang content I wanna see.

I don’t care how the rest of this movie goes now, this scene right here is ambrosia to the Scooby fan’s soul, and therefore makes this entire movie worth it, outdated memes, lingo, and all

---

Cackling rn - Fred and Brian Falcon are in a point-off a la the Spiderman meme 😂

or, more specifically, the post-credits sequence of Spiderverse where they’re arguing about who started pointing first

It gets better when Velma and Daphne try to pull each other off of their pushing fight, and Velma grumbles “Toxic Masculinity” I’m crying

---

WOAH

More super Shaggy stuff here (apart from being flung through a building roof without a scratch) - he pushes apart both groups effortless, and even knocks them back several feet

If we estimate Dynomutt as… we’ll say 450 since he’s made of metal, Falcon at 220, Dee Dee at 160, that’s about 830 lbs on one side

Then Fred, Daphne and Velma on the other (hmm, 180, 150, 130?) would be around 460 lbs

Dang boi

---

Oh honey no, it’s not your fault

But dang if he didn’t get a good message from it, one I’ve done my best to transcribe here:

“I was afraid that... things were gonna change. And they did change. But like, that’s okay! People can grow. But it doesn’t mean that we’re growing apart. Because the one thing that will never change is that Scooby Doo is my best friend! Ten years ago, a little boy made a promise to a stray puppy that he’d never leave him no matter what. And I’m gonna keep that promise! Now it’s time we stopped that mustachioed menace from opening the gates to the {underworld} and letting loose that fearsome {Cerberus}. So what do you say we get out {of here}, and go get my always-snacking, never-lacking, often-napping dog back? Who’s with me?”

Honestly not a bad message for kids. Things will change, people will change, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends. (Obvs real life exceptions apply, but that’s not a bad note honestly)

...shame that that conclusion comes right the FUCK outta nowhere

Like

How, exactly, did he come to this conclusion? WHEN? What inspired him to realize this, what was the impetus for this specific line of thought, that it’s okay for friends to change?

It kinda feels like this should have been either the happy ending speech given after they’ve saved the world, or one at the start of the third act, like if Shaggy arrives when Scooby thinks he’s chased him away and ruined everything, and Shaggy & the gang still save him. And Scooby asks him why he did that - when Scooby tried to change himself to fit what Brian Falcon wanted, instead of treasuring the friend he still had, or maybe why Shaggy reacted the way he did. THEN Shaggy gives the speech we hear, a la:

“I yelled at you because… like, because I was scared. I was scared that... things were gonna change. And they did change. But like, that’s okay! People can grow. But it doesn’t mean that we’re growing apart. Because the one thing that will never change is that YOU’RE my best friend! Ten years ago, a little boy made a promise to a stray puppy that he’d never leave him no matter what. And I mean to keep it!” 

At least that would make a little more sense to me. Again, not a bad speech, but a little rearranging would help to really hit home. 

---

Okay, now we’re back with Dastardly in Greece, and suddenly the background people all look MILES better than the ones at the start of the movie. Did they just forget to polish the first two minutes of film, what the heck?

Also, Dastardly’s ship is literally the entire length of the Greek ruins presented o_O

---

HOLY SHIT THE SKULLS TURNED BACK TIME AND MADE THE RUINS INTO AN ENTIRELY RESTORED PALACE WITH THE GATES OF THE UNDERWORLD BEFORE THEM

They’re also colored a very atmospheric neon arrangement that’s surprisingly quite tasteful ^.^

----

The Mystery Machine can fly now!!! eeheeheeeheeheeheeheeee

----

And so we finally see Cerberus, a massive, towering figure with sharp teeth and pffffffhahahhahaa why are all three heads wearing Spartan helmets

To its credit, they’re also wearing basic body armor, wrist guards, tail spikes, etc, but the helmets are killing me 🤣 who thought to stick that onto the dog? Did Hades forget to remove the armor after winning the Gods’ Pet Costume Contest, or was it like that horse in the ATV costume - it felt safer so it didn’t let anyone take it off?

Or was this a precaution against Herakles coming back? These are questions - hilarious, hilarious questions 😁

---

Awww. Scooby immediately runs to the battered Mystery Machine to rip the doors open for the gang!

And… wait. THIS is where that wonderful hug was in the trailers? I thought that was at the end of the movie when everyone was safe!

This now does not bode well. But we’ll worry about that later. Time to enjoy this gorgeous wonderful hug of the entire gang, and Shag and Scoob apologizing to each other for fighting 🥰

Yet another scene to make the rest of this movie worth the rest

(halfway wanna frame this shit and put it on the wall, it’s that lovely)

----

Fantastic! Dastardly is now in Hell, where I’ve been wishing him this entire movie! :D

And dang… he actually apologizes to what he believes is a dead Muttley. Who is, naturally, snickering at all of this. The two bicker predictably, but eventually hug and make up, too happy to see each other to resort to old habits. Honestly a nice little scene, all-in-all. 

---

Back to the gang and they’re doing the glowy eyes in the dark bit! I actually haven’t seen that in a Scooby movie forever, it’s neat.

Also Fred is now going full Liam Neeson over his van, war paint and all, using the tire cover as a shield and… holy shit. 

HOLY SHIT

THE ASCOT IS BAAAnnnnnd it’s gone. Boy, that was… short. 

Fred just ran full-tilt at Cerberus, screaming like a mad man, before getting flicked away by its big toe, and losing the ascot and makeshift shield. It punched so hard his facepaint came off

It was fun while it lasted y’all

---

Heyyy, Shag and Scoob just came up with the plan, and it’s actually solid! I’m so proud, and so is the rest of the gang! Also willingly going to distract Cerberus while the rest figure out how to close the gate and stuff Cerberus back in

I love my boys 😊

---

Annnnd there goes Brian Falcon like the coward he is

To… call his dad? And admit he isn’t a hero.

Only for Dynomutt to point out Shaggy and Scooby are taking him on and are terrified. 

This then cuts to Shaggy and Scooby running around in a chariot and gladiator wear, running back and forth a la the door gag from Cerberus to the OG SDWAY theme

I think I love this movie

(although they’re hinting at Dynomutt being resentful of OG Blue Falcon essentially abandoning him to his incompetent son, and I really wish it had been touched upon more

that’s actually rather heartbreaking, when you stop to think about it, and there’s a lot that could be done with an additional two minutes of screentime) 

---

Huh, another good message for kids: it’s okay to fail and be scared, so long as you keep going and try to do what’s right.

Two good messages for kids in one movie. Not too shabby, on the whole. 

---

Brian Falcon just flew in and punched the three-headed dog, then jumped into its mouth as it tried to eat Scooby, resisted the MASSIVE JAW STRENGTH, and got them out of there safe and sound

Finally, something heroic!

-- 

I was wondering where Dastardly and Muttley got off to - apparently they’re off to take a money bath.

Aight

---

Shag and Scoob have now convinced the Rotten Robots to turn into bowling balls to knock Cerberus off their feet a la the classic marbles pratfall back into the underworld

That is a sentence I just wrote

----

OH FCUK NO

NO

ABSOLUTELY NOT NO

YOU ARE TELLING US THAT AFTER ALL OF THIS - ALL OF THIS - ONE OF THEM HAS TO STAY IN THE UNDERWORLD TO LOCK THE GATE

THAT OCTOBER LEAKER WAS RIGHT WHAT THE HELL

LITERALLY SO

I mean i know its a kids film specifically Scooby Doo so happy ending but what the literal FUCK

---

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGHHH

SHAGGY NOOOO

“Buddy, back when we were kids, you saved me. Now, it’s my turn.”

and he dOES THIS WHILE HOLDING SCOOBY’S HEAD TENDERLY IN HIS HANDS

AND WHEN EVERYTHING REVERTS IT’S JUST RUBBLE AND RUIN AND SCOOBY’S LEFT SOBBING OPENLY AT NOTHING

AND THE GANG ALL COME TO CLING AT HIM AND CRY OVER THEIR FRIEND WHO THOUGHT HE WAS WORTHLESS MOST OF THE MOVIE AND THOUGH THAT THE GANG THOUGHT THE SAME ABOUT HIM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH

---

WELP, TIME TO COPE WITH INAPPROPRIATE HUMOR

Shaggy: I yelled at my dog, got him kidnapped, and ended up helping the bad guy to open the gates to Hell. Guess I’ll die. 

Dee Dee: Well actually, this is more Dastardly’s fault because -

Shaggy, yelling as he slams his hand against the lock: GUESS I’LL DIE!!!

----

Ah, so the writers wrote themselves into a corner, and the only way out was a Deus Ex Machina (at least, I think I’m using that term correctly…) 

Because to get Shaggy back, a giant statue of Alexander the Great and Peritas appears out of nowhere - literally, since it definitely wasn’t there before - with an inscription Scooby has to read to get Shaggy back.

This would have been a lot more effective if we’d seen it when Dastardly arrived in Greece - maybe even as the marker for where the gate to the Underworld was. Have Alexander facing one way, and Peritas facing the other. You open the gate on Alexander’s side, and come home on Peritas’ side. Having this unfold into the gate gives it more purpose than “magically appears right the fcuk outta nowehere” and you could have a pun with the “backdoor” escape. Everybody wins!

And if that’s too good for ya, how about a brief lingering shot by it at some point as Dastardly flies into Greece, behind where the gate materializes, or directly across from it on the plaza? Maybe have one of the gang kick it after Shaggy leaves, and say ‘This is all your fault! Why would you make something like this?’

It’d still be a magical contrivance, but at least it would make some fcuking SENSE.

(Granted it DID lead to this hilariously ominous shot, so maybe I shouldn’t complain:)

---

Velma: I finally figured out what you guys are! You’re the heart of Mystery Inc.

Me: YEAH BABY! *flips over table* I’VE BEEN SAYING THAT SHIT FOR YEARS AND NOW, I’M FCUKING VALIDATED AT LAAAAAAAAST!

----

Shaggy: *rips off Dastardly’s face to reveal…*

ALL: SIMON COWELL??!?

Me, choking on food: I’m sorry WHAT?!?!?

Velma: *takes off mask again to reveal*

ALL: DICK DASTARDLY?!?

Dastardly: Drat! No one ever goes for the double unmasking. 

So I was right all along - Simon Cowell truly was a Dick this entire time.

-----

And so we close on the gang unveiling a Mystery Machine paint job on their official detective agency building, Brian Falcon living the good life as the DJ at their party, the Falcon team gifting a sleek new Mystery Machine to the gang (which honestly looks pretty unique - it’s not the classic, but it is something new that isn’t awful, so kudos there), and the gang on their way to another mystery.

So, at the end of the day is this a good Scooby movie? 

Meh? *waves hand in meh motion* But it definitely had its moments. 

This Scooby film is flawed as heck, no doubt about it - the plot has a MAJOR problem with telling instead of showing, some parts feeling out of order or WAY too short, and of course the deus ex machina ending. I honestly would have loved some more time for their first mystery as kids, where we actually got more character moments/bonding from Fred, Daphne, and Velma as they solved it the more traditional route, as well as not framing FD&V as super duper mystery solvers right off the bat??? 

The stuff with Blue Falcon isn’t AWFUL, per se, but it is ridiculously satisfying to see him get smacked around. Captain Caveman was honestly one of the funniest bits in the movie, same with Dynomutt. 

As far as the character stuff? It all felt fairly natural, progression-wise. Shag and Scoob don’t have this big break-up with the gang - they’re hurt by the literal Dickhead’s comments the gang don’t speak up against, and go to blow off some steam together. Shag and Scoob don’t have this giant blow-up argument - it builds over the film into a hurt spat they both recognize they overreacted to almost immediately. The gang (FDV) go looking for them almost as soon as they leave, and, upon hearing they’re in danger, turn and head towards them to save them, realizing how important the two are to Mystery Inc along the way. They defend each other, help each other, have some of the Best Dang Animated Mystery Inc hugs I ever did see - THIS feels more like the Gang I’ve been waiting for forever to come back to DTV (and in a rough sense, did). While I do wish we’d gotten more screen time of FD&V, what we got wasn’t too bad. 

Weirdly enough, at the end of the day, I’ve actually grown more accustomed to Forte’s Shaggy - it feels like it fits this different style a touch more than I originally thought, and holy hell if I didn’t come close to tears at that ending gate scene, he knocked that one out of the park.  Velma still doesn’t feel much like Velma, but I did get used to it by the end. I kept cracking up at Efron’s Fred, and no complaints on Seyfried’s Daphne.

Jason Isaacs as Dick Dastardly absolutely killed it. Blue Falcon Crew was okay (excepting Mark “The Racist” Wahlburg - it was just him talking, no real effort. You could recognize Wahlburg right off the bat, acting as a goofy douche) and freaking Captain Caveman was awesome. Apparently they combined both Billy West and Don Messick’s recordings for Muttley (awesome!!!), so this may very well be Don Messick’s final role in a Scooby Doo film. 

It got off to a rough start, but ended well enough. The animation was solid, the writing has some unexpectedly clever and funny moments sprinkled throughout, with some pretty fun action sequences on the side. Watching this, I really do believe that the people working on it love Scooby Doo and all things Hanna-Barbera… at least in their own way. 

I ended up buying this instead of just renting it ($5 more, why not) and I am honestly glad I did so. Despite its flaws, it has some great moments with the gang as friends, and I have been Craving That Shit for DECADES

And if these writers/directors ever did another Scooby film? I think I’d be up for giving them a chance - at least so long as we got some more absolutely BEAUTIFUL hugs with the gang

I hope you enjoyed this stream-of-consciousness reaction to SCOOB! (2020)... a whole ass year LATER, admittedly (I didn’t switch my Save Post to Queue, curse my hubris), but hopefully y’all’ve been entertained. Good night everybody!

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Riding High Ch 17: Welcome To Miami

Chapter Summary: Frank, Fliss and the Circle Of Truth take a Road Trip….

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. SMUT (NSFW) No under 18s!!!

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

A/N: As always, gotta thank @icanfeelastormbrewing for her help and suggestions with this!

Chapter Song:   Live Forever by Oasis

Series Masterlist  // Main Masterlist 

Maybe you're the same as me, we see things they'll never see, you and I are gonna live forever

June 2018

“How’s Fliss?” Gregg asked as Frank leaned back in his chair, hand curled round his bottle of beer. 

Frank looked at his friend and took a deep breath “She says she’s ok. I think it’s the waiting that’s the worst. Knowing the board’s been held is one thing, not knowing the outcome….” “I know it’s hard and easy for me to say this but…well, even if he gets out he won’t be allowed anywhere near her. As I explained to her likely hood is he’ll be tagged and on a curfew and movements restricted to the state of Mass.” Gregg took a sip of his drink “And if it isn’t done automatically, through the appeal process I can file for further restrictions as well around him contacting her in any way, shape or form…but I’d be surprised if that isn’t a condition.”

“I know.” Frank said, “And she gets that…I think it’s more anger about the whole thing now you know?” “It sucks.” Gregg nodded “He spent so long abusing her and he’s still managing to do it in a way through all this.” Frank raised his eyebrows and took a drink of his beer, nodding to Jake and Simon as they approached their table.

“I know I don’t need to ask but…” Frank started but Gregg raised a hand.

“You’re right, you don’t.” he said, understanding immediately that Frank was asking him to keep quiet, and he nodded as their two friends arrived at the table. After the greetings they all settled down reaching for a beer from the bucket that sat in the middle of them all, the conversation easy. Frank was happy to see the boys, he hadn’t in a few weeks so he’d grabbed the opportunity for a few beers happily, Fliss and Mary practically shoving him out of the door as they had some girly night in planned with Roberta consisting of popcorn, pizza, facemasks and a Marvel DVD, Fliss and Roberta assuring him whole heartedly they were watching it because it was a good film and not merely to perve on Chris Hemsworth or Evans or whoever the hell the Chris was in this particular one.

Whatever, sweetheart.

“So…” Simon said, looking around the table “Are we still on for a weekend somewhere? 22nd to 24th June?”

They all made noises, and Frank nodded. “Schedules cleared, baby sitter lined up…we just need to decide where we’re going.”

“Well, I got something to suggest to y’all…” Jake grinned “Greg already knows about this, but basically, the Company we’re doing the promotional work for has offered us up to 10 each for the Miami Rocks Concert which runs that weekend....so if you’re interested.”

“Rock music?” Simon looked at him, and Jake shook his head. 

“Not just rock.” he said, leaning forward “It’s a combination of tribute acts and the real deal…and there’s different stages each with a different genre, and the main stage which contains the big acts.” “Ok, I’m interested…” Frank leaned forward.

“So the Friday night is a rewind to the 70s, 80s and 90s… headlined by none other than Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince, Mr Will Smith himself…” Frank let out a snort and looked at Simon who had started bopping in his seat, clicking his fingers.

“That finishes about midnight and then Saturday is the big one. You got 5 Seconds of Summer, George Ezra and Liam Gallagher from Oasis headlining that night.” Jake continued “The other stages rage from all sorts. Mo-Town, Indie, Chart, Reggae…and then there’s a party after which continues until early hours, run by Hot Dub Time Machine.”

“Shut the front door!” Simon snorted “Hot Dub?”

Jake nodded.

“Dude I saw him one New Year’s Eve in New York a few years ago.” Simon said “He was brilliant!”

Frank sat and listened as his friends started to discuss the concert in more detail. He had to admit, it sounded like a pretty good idea, and just the distraction Fliss could do with.

“Hate to be the voice of logic…” Simon said. “But if it’s only like three weeks off, wont’ we have trouble getting hotel rooms?”

“Fuck that, I’ll sleep on the back of the truck.” Frank said, causing the rest of them to laugh. “No need Frankie-boi, I work for the Hyatt Group man.” Jake shook his head “Three rooms already reserved out in the Regency, about 10 minutes’ walk if that from Bayfront Park where the concert is…just in case you fancied it. $100 a room for 2 nights, including a late checkout on the Sunday coz, well, we’re gonna need it.”

“Three?” Frank frowned.

“You and Fliss, Simon and Bonnie, and Me and Greg…” “What about Zara and Lisa?” he frowned “I thought this was a couple’s thing, not a boys weekend away…”

“Well it was going to be…” Greg shrugged “But Zara’s away with the kids that weekend, decided to go back to California as her sister is being taken in for a C-section, and of course she has to be there…”

“And it’s Lisa’s idea of hell…” Jake supplied.

“So why don’t we re-arrange?” Simon asked.

“Fuck that!” Jake snorted “I’m got a child and fiancée free pass for the weekend.” “Amen brother!” Gregg hi-fived him.

“But you two can bring your girls, no problem…they’re cool” Jake gestured between Frank and Simon with his beer bottle. “Thanks for your permission…” Frank raised an eyebrow.

****

Naturally, Fliss was over the moon with the promise of a music festival, especially when she looked up the acts that were on. So, when the Friday in question rolled around, after dropping Mary at school, with strict instructions she was to behave herself as Frank WOULD be checking, they set off in Fliss’ jeep, Frank driving as she lounged in the passenger seat, eyes hidden by her aviators, hair pulled into a loose side pony tail as they made the four hour down the coast and across state to Florida, stopping half way for some food at a roadside diner.

Given that Simon and Bonnie weren’t due to arrive until just gone 5 ish, Bonnie having to finish the morning’s classes before she could leave and that Jake and Greg were here having come down the night before, when they had checked in they decided to freshen up and go for a walk, Fliss eager to hit Lincoln Road Mall. They spent a few hours just walking and looking in the shops, eventually finding a Pandora one which Fliss headed into wanting a new charm for her bracelet as a memory of the weekend. She paced the shop eventually settling for a silver palm tree with a small diamond in the middle of the trunk and Frank batted her hand down when she went to pay, instead producing his card. The usual argument about who was paying ensued, which eventually Frank won by telling Fliss that he wanted to be the one that filled that bracelet for her, and she relented, smiling softly. Frank didn’t miss the relieved look on the shop assistant’s face as she finally waved the out of the store.

They met Jake and Greg in a bar not far from the hotel, and they were joined by Bonnie and Simon for a drink before the two girls announced they were heading off to get changed and ready for the evening.  Frank left it until about 20 minutes before he needed to be ready and headed up to their room, pulling on one of his infamous hideous Hawaiian shirts which he had brought especially. Fliss looked at him, shaking her head with a fond smile on her face as he innocently asked her what the problem was. She laughed and told him nothing at all, before she gave him a kiss and they headed down to meet the others.

The walk down to the Park took them 10 minutes. Fliss was walking slightly ahead with Bonnie, her braid swinging down her back, gently brushing against the yellow off the shoulder top she was wearing. Her bottom half was dressed in denim shorts, a pair of pink converse boots on her feet. She’d certainly embraced the Festival Vibe, opting for bright colours in honour of the fact they were heading back musically a few decades. They arrived and joined the queue to exchange their tickets for wrists bands which took them about 15 minutes, and then they joined the lines to get through the main gates. That didn’t take long at all and once they were through they followed the crowd before Greg stopped, and looked around.

“We get split up…” “We all got phones!” Jake snorted “What are you, 50?”

“Sorry, force of habit with the kids…” Greg let out a groan as everyone laughed.

“So the main stage is that way…” Jake said, pointing to his left “Right at the back. DJ stage is there, and the other stages are dotted about…anyone got any preference on where we go?” “Other than Will Smith I really wanna to go the 80s stage!” Fliss grinned and Bonnie Hi-Fived her.

“Yeah we got some Duran Duran to dance to.” she agreed. “And Erasure.”

“And Wham.” “And Culture Club….” “Yeah, we get the picture…” Simon rolled his eyes.

“Oh and I want to see the Queen and AC/DC tributes.” Fliss finished.

“Anything else?” Frank looked at her.

“Beer.” she nodded “We need beer.”

“Well we need tokens.” Jake said, “No cash at the bar, tokens only so…the tent is over there…”

They all set off, Fliss and Bonnie hanging behind chatting away, but it wasn’t long before their chatter died down and Frank turned to see that, actually, it hadn’t died down, they’d disappeared. “Where the hell are the girls?”  Simon asked, looking round as he realised they were missing.

“Knowing Fliss in some tent getting her face painted…” Frank paused, turning on the spot before he spotted them. Fliss was stood as Bonnie was sat on a stool, having some sort of Festival glitter painted around her temple and eye socket. “Yup, there you go…” Simon followed his gaze and snorted. “Fucking hell…what are they, 8?” “Leave ‘em be.” Frank said fondly “Come on, let’s go get the drinks sorted.”

He waved at Fliss, before pointing to where they were going and she gave him a thumbs up to show she understood, before Bonnie stood up and she sat down. Frank smiled at her face as it lit up and he headed off after Simon.

By the time they had gotten the tokens and ordered beers for them all, the girls still hadn’t joined them, and it didn’t take long to realise why. They were both in a tent which contained 2 electronic dance mats, right in the middle of a very energetic dance off.

“It’s like having a pair of kids…” Simon mumbled the boys stood by the entrance to the tent whilst Frank simply grinned. As they watched Bonnie made a mistake, the mat flashed red, and then another one, before Fliss made one too. The two girls’ foot work was ridiculously fast as the song gathered pace and finally the routine ended. Fliss grinned and hi-fived Bonnie as their scores flashed up, Fliss winning by 60 points.

“Yesss!” she grinned punching the air as Bonnie shook her head and the man handed them both some really tacky bright pink beaded necklaces for taking part.

“Re-match…” Bonnie said, looking at Fliss as they both dropped the necklaces over their heads.

“Maybe later, I’m fucked now…” Fliss said, bending over, hands on her knees as she drew her breath “I need a drink!”

She turned and saw the boys in the doorway, Frank raised an eyebrow and held up the beer and she grinned.

“I knew I bought you for something.” He rolled his eyes and then Greg suggested they head off to the first stage for the start of the 80s Tribute acts. They only intended to stay for a short while but Fliss begged Frank to stay longer, and was backed up by Bonnie as the Duran-Duran band came on. Fliss told Frank if he wanted to go and meet up later he could, but truth be told he didn’t want to. This was as much a weekend for him and her as it was for him and his friends, so with that in mind Simon and Frank both decided to stay with the girls and that they would find the others later.

And Frank was glad of his decision, as about 20 minutes later, when Hungry Like the Wolf started to play, Fliss was bouncing around like a lunatic. He knew it was one of her favourite songs, and seeing her cutting loose was making him a little horny if truth be told. He moved up behind her and grabbed her hips, swaying with her in time to the music as he dropped a kiss to her shoulder, gently singing along as she danced in front of him, occasionally brushing up against the front of his shorts, which was doing nothing to help his current situation.

“Someone’s definitely on the hunt down…” she teased, pushing her ass back into his crotch whilst she turned her head to face him as the song morphed into Rio. He grinned and gave her a kiss.

“Not hunting, I already got you.” “Hmm, yeah you did…” she murmured against his lips.

The continued dancing with one another, Simon and Bonnie doing the same before the 4 of them all decided they were ready for another drink. As fate would have it, they found Greg and Jake already at the bar. They muscled their way in, grabbed another beer and then all turned to head towards one of the tall, standing tables which were dotted around not far from the bar. Frank waited for Fliss as she had ordered a bottle of water too, and the guy serving had forgotten it. When he came back, apologising, Fliss waved him off and thanked him as Frank picked the bottle up and stuck it in his pocket. He reached for Fliss’ hand, and they were making their way over to their friends when suddenly he felt Fliss yell out and she stopped dead. He turned to face her, seeing someone had bumped into her and her beer had spilt all down her top.

“Hey, come on man…” Frank looked at the guy as Fliss pulled her hand out of his to wipe at her top “Be careful huh…” But the man wasn’t looking at him, his eyes were fixed completely on Fliss. “Yes, wouldn’t want an accident now would we, Felicity?” At the sound of her full name Frank instantly knew this had to be someone to do with her ex-husband and he reached out for Fliss as he saw her stiffen and slowly she raised her head to look at the man, her eyes widening and she swallowed.

“Richard.” she spoke softly.

“Fancy seeing you here. Must be nice to be free to do what you want.” “Yeah, well, making up for lost time I suppose…” she said, “I didn’t exactly get a lot of chance to have fun when your brother was beating the shit out of me.”

Her chin raised a little defiantly and Frank felt a surge of pride as she stood up for herself, the anger evident on her face.

“You’re a fucking liar…” Richard said and Frank immediately stepped in.

“Ok that’s enough…” he said sternly, looking at the man “We’re not here for any trouble, we’re just out for a good time with friends, and I’d like to keep it that way. So, if you don’t mind, we’re done here.” he turned to Fliss and slid his arm round her waist, making to steer her away.

“You need to be careful.” Richard spoke to Frank’s retreating back. “Now she’s got her claws into you, you’re done…first sign of trouble she’ll be accusing you of all sorts.”

Frank sighed, he’d tried to be reasonable, but the anger felt like it was bubbling from his feet and he whirled round, placing himself in between the man and Fliss. “Listen, asshole, why don’t you just fuck off?” he spoke, tone laced with venom. “Your brother is a nasty, wife beating, rapist piece of shit.”

At that Richard stepped forward, drawing himself to full height, still a good 3 inches shorter than Frank. His fists balled as he clenched his hands at his side, his mouth curled up into a snarl.

“She’s a liar.”  Richard pointed at Fliss, before his attention turned back to Frank. “She lied and because of her, John’s life and career is ruined…” “His life? Ruined?” Frank barked out a laugh “Your brother got nothing more than he deserved, and so will you if you don’t get the fuck outta my face.”

“Frank…” Fliss pleaded with him, pulling on his arm and desperately looking around for help before this descended into a fight. Thankfully, she caught Jake’s eye who hit Greg on the shoulder, who in turn tapped Simon, and the three of them plus Bonnie hastily started to jog over.

“If he was that bad why has he been considered for parole?” Richard shrugged “An appeal his lawyer is convinced he’ll win…” Richard said, taking a step back as the other men approached. “And that’s all because they finally saw through her lies…” Frank made an angry noise but Greg pushed himself in between the two men, patting Frank on the chest.

“Come on buddy…” he said. “Whatever it is, leave it…” Jake went to grab Frank’s arm, but he jerked it out of his grip.

“I’ll tell you this…” Frank said, pointing at Richard “If he gets out, you can tell him from me, he stays the fuck away from my girl, and the rest of my family, you got that? Or I’ll put him in a hospital, see how he likes it.”

“Big man making all the threats huh?” “It ain’t a threat, it’s a god-damned promise.” Frank snarled. Richard gave a snort of a laugh before he allowed his wife to steer him away, shooting one last contemptuous glance at both him and Fliss.

“What the fuck?” Simon turned to Frank, who completely ignored him and moved to where Fliss was stood, her arms wrapped cross her front, hugging herself, Bonnie gently talking to her.

“You ok?” he asked her gently and she gave a nod as he took her in his arms, hugging her tightly, hand falling to the back of her head.

Gregg gave Frank a questioning look, which Frank answered with two words “His brother.” Gregg’s mouth fell open and he gave a nod of understanding.

“Who’s brother?” Jake pressed, “What just happened? I’m so confused.” “To be fair that doesn’t take much…” Frank heard Gregg say which earned him a “Fuck you” in response, and the two men began to bicker as Fliss stepped back from his arms. Frank looked down at her, taking her face in his hands.  “You good?” 

“Yeah…” she nodded “You shouldn’t have risen to him.” “Probably not.” he shrugged “But I’m not having that piece of shit or anyone associated with him trash mouthing you.”

“My hero…” she rolled her eyes, but the smile on her face told him he wasn’t in too much trouble. He gave a snort of a laugh and dropped a kiss to her head. “Can we go back to the dancing now please? And I need another beer, that ass hole spilt mine.” “Is it time for tequila yet?” Bonnie asked, offering Fliss a drink of her beer. Fliss took a sip, shaking her head 

“I swore after last time I would never drink that shit again.”

“But that was a lie, right?” Bonnie looked at her as she passed her pint back over.

“Yup, a very big lie…” Fliss agreed, causing the rest of the group to laugh.

So they did their tequila. Several shots of to be intact and spent the rest of the night wandering stage to stage, lapping up the atmosphere. Frank kept a close eye on his girl who seemed none the worse for her encounter as she danced the night away with him and Bonnie, the 2 of them disappearing at one point for a walk around the various stalls that were around the outside, coming back with a packet of interlocking glow sticks which they proceeded to activate and make head wear out of.  

Will Smith took to the stage at about 10 pm and Frank was beside himself with laughter as Fliss reverted to some kind of school kid. She seemed to know every single word to every goddamned song he had, and when it came to Men In Black she launched expertly into the dance routine that half the crowd were doing, in time to the video showing behind the stage.  Simon and Jake tried to copy her before they both gave up and when she finished she turned around and Frank raised his beer to her and she bowed, as they all laughed. Deciding that they didn’t want to stay for the after party, considering they knew it was going to be a really late one the next evening, instead they agreed to head down to the beach. They managed to find a guy who was walking round with a cool box selling beer and they bought 2 bottles each, for twice the price they should be but, whatever…

When in Miami…

As they walked across the sand, Frank looped his arm round Fliss’ shoulder whilst they weaved themselves through the various mini-parties which seemed to be going on as people were set up all over with small fires, beer, drinks and music playing. Frank had a sneaking suspicion half of them were probably intending on sleeping there too. Eventually they found a clear spot and flopped down onto the sand, under the illumination of one of the boardwalk lights and then Simon stood up, heading over to a group of teenagers sat a bit to their right.

“What’s he doing?” Greg asked.

“I think he’s reverse bootlegging.” Jake said and Frank gave a snort of laughter.

“What?” Fliss frowned, “What’s that?” “Instead of selling alcohol to underage kids he’s buying it off them, look.” Frank said, nodding to him. Fliss watched as Simon slipped one of the kids a twenty and took the bottle of vodka he was offering to them, raising it up as he walked back.

“What the fuck man?” Greg snorted “That’s…”

“Shameful.” Jake nodded before he chuckled, shaking his head. “I love it.” With a grin Simon dropped down next to Bonnie, standing the bottle of vodka up in the middle of the circle they seemed to have made as Fliss sat between Frank’s legs, leaning back against his chest. His spare hand ran up and down the outside of her thigh softly as they all sat chatting about the evening, comparing their best bits and what they were looking forward to tomorrow evening. Eventually, someone, Frank wasn’t sure who, decided that they should play Never Have I Ever, and Fliss eagerly agreed, jumping in with the first question.

“Ok, never have I ever driven a boat…” Fliss smirked.

“What, that’s a crap one!” Frank snorted “Everyone here’s probably driven one…including you.”

“Nope…”

“Bullshit!” he snorted “On our first date, and several times since…”

“I sailed it Frankie, I didn’t drive it…”

He paused for a moment and then looked up as everyone in the circle grinned.

“She’s right man…” Simon conceded “I sailed mine too…” “And me…”

“And me…”

“Oh fuck you!” Frank spluttered as they all laughed at him. Fliss handed him the bottle, which he took from her with a glare taking a mouthful. Fucking hell, he could tell it was cheap as it burnt like paint stripper as he swallowed, wincing.

That was basically the way the game went. Each trying to deliberately catch everyone else out. Simon caught Jake spectacularly, forcing him to reveal a tale about how he got locked out of a hotel room, naked on the balcony and climbed down 2 storeys to go and get a spare key from reception, Simon repeatedly got Bonnie on a number of occasions before Frank caught Fliss out with the tale of how she had once called her University Lecturer “Daddy.” by mistake.

“Ok, Never have I ever…”  Fliss paused, before a wicked grin spread on her face and she looked at Frank “Called anyone else’s name during sex.”

“Oh God…” Frank heard Bonnie mumble from where she was sat, but before he could even open his mouth to call Fliss an ass hole, he saw Greg reaching for the bottle.

“No WAY!” Fliss spluttered, looking at Greg “What? When!”

“I was about 21…” Greg said, scrunching up his face. “I was in bed with a girl and, well, I called her mom’s name.” The entire group fell silent before Jake, Frank and Simon all let out a roar of laughter, and Fliss snorted, grinning from ear to ear.

“That’s…impressive.” Frank nodded as Greg put the bottle down and Fliss picked it up and handed it to Frank. Everyone turned their attention to him as he narrowed his eyes and grabbed it from her.

“Spill.” Simon pointed at him.

“I err, well…look, it…” Frank stuttered over his words “I was…look we don’t need to discuss this…” he said, knocking back the vodka and avoiding Bonnie’s eyes, shaking his head “I plead the 5th.” There were various groans around the group but when they realised Frank wasn’t going to budge Greg shrugged, calling him a pussy, and picked the next category.

“Never have I ever kissed someone of the same sex.” he said, with a raised eyebrow. Both Fliss and Bonnie moved for the bottle at the same time, and the boys all cheered. 

“Was it each other?” Simon grinned “Please tell me it was…” “Ok,no…that…” Frank began to protest, hiccupping slightly.  “That would be weird…”

“No it wasn’t each other.” Bonnie grinned at Simon “I was 17, playing spin the bottle and had to kiss this girl called Eva…” “And that’s it?” Simon asked. 

“Yeah…” she nodded, taking a drink from the bottle before she passed it to Fliss.

“Spill…” Frank instructed her, his hand on her hip where she was still nestled in between his legs.

“I was 19…and, yeah, well, I experimented” she shrugged. “A few times…”

“Wait, there was…” Frank looked at her as she turned her head to grin at him “You did more than kiss?”

“For me to know and you to find out Sailor…” she winked. Well fuck me!

Another 15 minutes or go they’d exhausted the bottle of vodka and decided to call it a night. Bonnie was faring the worst out of them all, her and Simon walking a little behind everyone as he kept his arm round her to keep her steady. Frank noticed Fliss was remarkably with it considering what they’d drunk, but then for such a small person she did have quite a high tolerance, and she’d drunk a hell of a lot of water as well.

At the hotel they bid everyone goodnight and headed up to their room where Fliss decided she needed to shower to get rid of all the glitter and sand and sweat from dancing. Frank was inclined to agree so let her go first, swapping over after 10 minutes or so with an exchange of a soft kiss in the bathroom doorway. By the time Frank got out of the shower Fliss was sat cross legged on the large bed dressed in a camisole and boy-shorts set which was white with multi-coloured polka dots on it. It was the set he had bought her for Valentine’s Day, along with a set of baby-pink lace underwear. He loved seeing her in lace, but there was something about the lounge sets like the one she was wearing now that gave her an innocence, made her look so comfy and so settled that he adored seeing her wearing them around the house and to bed…even if they didn’t stay on long.

She grinned up at him as he smiled, crossing to drop a kiss on her head.

“You raid the minibar?” he asked, nodding to the packet of chips she had ripped open.

“Yeah.” she shrugged “Figured fuck it, why not?” “Well…”he crossed the room and opened the fridge which was under the TV unit “In for a penny…” he pulled two beers out, popped the tops and passed her one.

“Don’t you think we’ve had enough?”

“Can you see straight?”

“Yeah…”

“Then no.” he said and she laughed, taking it from him.

“You’re a bad man Frank Adler.” “I try.” he quipped. She shook her head, smiling before she reached for her phone which had just gone off. Frank whipped the towel from around his waist and stepped into a clean pair of boxers before he roughly dried his hair.

“Bonnie says her and Simon are hitting the beach during the day tomorrow…do you fancy it?” “Sure.” he nodded, dropping to the bed, laying down on his side, propping himself up on his elbow as he reached for a Dorito.

“At least I think that’s what this message says. ‘Going to the Bitch…’ I mean that’s gotta be beach huh?”

Frank snorted as Fliss scrunched up the empty chip bag and tossed it across the room where it settled just besides the bin. They both looked at it for a second before Fliss shrugged. ”She was trashed.”

“I’m not surprised.” Fliss said, moving to toss her phone onto the night table before she too settled on her side, facing Frank, elbow on the pillow “Simon was deliberately asking questions in that game where he knew she’d have to drink…” “Oh and you weren’t…” he looked at Fliss who shrugged, grinning cheekily “Never have I ever called anyone else’s name during sex, I mean seriously! She was right there!”

“I know, which is what made it so funny.” “Funny is not the word I would use…” “Oh whatever, and as if Greg has done that too!” she said, chuckling as she also settled on her side “He’s a dark horse…” “So are you…” he looked at her taking a long drink of his beer. “In fact….I think you need to tell me more about these lesbian encounters you experienced whilst experimenting aged 19."  

"They weren't proper lesbian encounters, I was teasing you...."

"I don't care, make em up." He said and she let out a laugh.

"If I do will it get me something nice?" she grinned.

"Something very, very nice."  He raised an eyebrow suggestively.

Fliss grinned and then launched into a clearly made up bullshit story about some girl called Candy and Frank completely zoned out. He was simply too caught up concentrating on the childish, teasing expression on her face as she spoke. Her eyes were shining in the dim light of the room as she talked and grinned in the same manner she had been doing all night. Not even the encounter with that asshole’s brother has dampened her spirit. She was just enjoying herself, freely. And so was he. She said she couldn't remember the last festival or concert she had been to, and Frank had admitted the same. It had to have been easily 10 years ago. It felt good to be recapturing that part of their lives they had both given up (albeit for very different reasons) and making new memories together that he knew would last a lifetime.

A lifetime...huh, how about that?

He zoned back in just in time to hear Fliss' very risqué story telling, and dropped his head with a sight that was half laugh, half groan at her filthy tale.

"...and her thighs were so strong, it was ridiculous, my ears were squashed so hard, I felt like my head was in a vice. Still, I managed to-"

"Ok..." he said, taking her beer off her and setting it down on his nightstand along with his, before he leaned over Fliss, caging her with his arms "I'm getting kinda jealous...and a bit turned on...it’s kinda confusing.

“You asked…” she muttered as his face dropped her hers.

“Yeah, I did…” he said softly, his lips brushing against hers “And I promised you something nice…” “Very,very nice…” Fliss said, her hands sliding up his arms to his shoulder.

“Well, I’m a man of my word…” he grinned, lips pressing to hers harder this time in a soft, deep kiss which he pulled away from and ran his nose against hers.

“Turn over…”

“What?” she looked at him, her eyes widening slightly.

“You trust me?”

“Of course I do…” “Then turn over…”

She took a deep breath, and looked at him and he looked straight back, fully understanding what she was thinking. He’d never asked her to do that before. “Lissy, I promise I’m not gonna hurt you.” “I know you’re not…” she said, shaking her head, before she bit her lip and he moved back so she could turn over onto her stomach. With gently finger tips he brushed her hair off her shoulders, sweeping it to one side gently dropping soft kisses down her neck as his hands traced down to her hips. He gently grasped her top and she moved to allow him to slide it up and over.

The sheets on the bed rustled slightly as he moved downwards, pressing his lips to the small of her back, watching her reaction carefully as he saw her fingers clutching softly at the pillow. He continued his affections, lips and hands exploring every part of the soft skin on her back until he was fully led over her, thighs bracketing hers, his mouth gently sucking at that spot behind her ear that drove her wild. And right on cue she let out a low groan and he felt his groin twitch at the noise. Fliss could feel his hardness against her back and as his teeth gently grazed her ear she felt her spine arch slightly.

He moved away, and his hand gently slid to grasp at the hem of her shorts, and she tilted her hips up slightly so he could pull them down, hurriedly departing with his own boxers before he resumed his previous position.

“You good?” he asked her softly and she nodded in response.

With gentle hands he reached down between her legs to finding her hot and wet for him already. At his touch she arched her back again. Frank let out a grin and moved slightly so he could part her thighs with his knee. Repositioning himself, he led flat, his arms sliding up hers so he could lace his fingers with hers, palms resting on the backs of her hands and he gently pushed into her, the pair of them giving a groan at the feeling and tightness of this angle. He gently thrust, his chest sliding up over her back, and she moved ever so slightly with him, her head tilted back slightly and she turned her face towards his where he caught her mouth in a slow, sloppy kiss. Frank continued his languid, deep movements, listening to the quickening of her breath and eventually he felt her hips beginning to rise in slow circles, her whimpers increasing.

He gently knelt up, and pulled her hips so she was perched on her knees, pushing into her slowly, deeply, letting her get used to the position that they’d never tried before because Frank knew it wasn’t one she had good memories of but right now, her body was relaxed and she was giving him everything. His hand reached up and he traced down her spine before he leaned over and placed another soft kiss on her neck before he moved and grasped at her hips again, his pace gently quickening, a low moan escaping his mouth as Fliss pushed back onto him, wordlessly telling him she wanted more. He thrust forwards again and again, pulling her back onto him at the same time, his eyes focussed on where they were joined, the sight of him sliding in and out of her made him moan with desire.

“Don’t stop…” he heard her half pant, half whisper and he picked up the pace ever so slightly, leaning over to gently nip at the back of her neck, causing her to shudder, a deep growl rumbled in his chest as her walls briefly squeezed around him.

“Fuck, baby…” he groaned as her hands clutched at the bed sheets whilst he buried himself deep inside of her stilling for a moment.

“Frankie…” she whined and squirmed as she turned to look at him over her shoulder. Once glance at his clenched jaw and she knew he was trying to fight back his high as he picked up his previous movements, just a little bit faster. She was close, quietly moaning his name as she dropped her head back down, forehead against the pillows, her spine arching as he continued to thrust.

Frank groaned again “Come on sweetheart...” his voice deeper like it always was when he was in the throes of desire, “let go for me.” He rolled his hips forwards, five or six more times before she was done.

“Fuck, Frank, I…” she let out a broken cry as her core spasmed again and again and her entire body trembled as a loud lament spilled from her lips. He was done himself, and with a groan of her name his relief washed over him with an intensity he couldn’t even begin to describe.

Fliss collapsed forward and Frank tumbled with her, his chest onto her back, his weight crushing her in the best way possible for a second ot two before he rolled onto his side. Reaching out, his hand gently across her bare back as Fliss face, which was pressed into the pillow turned to face him.

He leaned over and gave her a soft kiss, brushing her hair off her face.

“OK…” she mumbled, nodding at him “I’ll concede. That was very, very nice…”

******* “You behaving?” Frank asked Mary as he and Fliss lay in bed the next morning, the phone held at arms-length so they could both see her.

“Yeah, of course…” Mary rolled her eyes “Bill took me to the yard last night and Joanne helped me tack Monty up and then Bill walked round the field with us so the dogs could have a run and it was awesome!”

“When I get back we’ll do the full trail ride.” Fliss smiled at her “Takes a good hour, we can go one evening before it gets dark.”

“Cool!” Mary grinned, bending down and then suddenly Fred’s bemused face filled the screen. Frank snorted as he was instructed to say hi to Fred, which he did, before the cat settled down on Mary’s lap and she continued to chat to him about what she had done the night before…which was basically staying up until gone midnight with Bill watching Harry Potter in the movie room.

Eventually they got her to pass the phone over to Verity, who assured Frank she was no trouble, and then they cut the call and decided to get up and head down for breakfast to meet everyone.

The day was spent lazily on the beach. Fliss hardly moved at all, simply soaking up the sun as Frank and Simon continuously brought her and Bonnie a supply of drinks as the man remained by the bar at the top of the sand.

“I gotta ask…”Bonnie said, turning to look at Fliss “And tell me to shut up if I’m outta line but yesterday, that guy Frank looked like he wanted to kill…who was he? Simon says he’s never seen Frank that angry…” “Oh, err…” Fliss rubbed her head “It was my ex-husbands brother, he was being an ass hole.” “Oh.” Bonnie frowned “I take it you don’t get along…nasty break up?” “You could say that…” Fliss said, taking a sip of her drink, tapping the straw lightly on her lips. “John…my ex…he er…he used to beat me. Badly. He’s actually in prison, well, for how long we don’t know as he had his parole hearing about 4 weeks ago so..” “Oh shit…” Bonnie dropped her gaze “Sorry, I didn’t…” “It’s ok.” Fliss said, waving off the usual apologies that came when she told someone about her past.

There was a moment of silence before Bonnie sat up and looked at Fliss.

“Wanna go for a dip?”

Fliss glanced at her, then down to the ocean and grinned, nodding.

Yelling to the boys to watch their stuff they headed down to the waves, Fliss happily diving straight in, simply allowing herself to float. She was calm, relaxed, and couldn’t remember a time she’d ever felt so happy before.

Eventually, it hit 5pm and Fliss was hungry. So they decided to pack up, grab a bite from the bar and then go change ready for the evening. Fliss had to smile as she saw Frank and the rest of the boys stood at a table by the beach bar all clutching pints and laughing. He was dressed in a pink shirt, black shorts with a baseball cap on the wrong way, glasses shielding his eyes.

“I never realised what an overgrown Frat Boy I’m dating.” Fliss mumbled to Bonnie who snorted as they made their way up the wooden boardwalk, beach bags in their hand.

“Hey pretty girl.” Frank smiled as Fliss slid under his arm, reaching for his pint. With a roll of his eyes he watched as she took a huge drink. “You know if you want one I’ll get you one…” “Tastes better when it’s someone else’s…” Fliss shrugged.

“Yeah, why is that?” Bonnie asked.

“Because it’s stolen.” Simon looked at her “Well known fact, forbidden fruit just tastes better.”

Fliss went again for Frank’s drink and he jerked it out of her reach “Piss off, look, here…” he said, reaching into his pocket and handing her his wallet “Go to the bar…” She grinned and dropped a kiss to his lips, turning away, Bonnie following.

“Dude you’re so whipped.” Jake snorted at him.

“Yeah, I don’t much care.” Frank shrugged, burping slightly as he looked at Fliss, taking in her appearance. Her hair was falling around her face and down her back in a mass of long, messy salt and sand tangled waves and she was wearing a pink crochet slip over her black bikini. He would happily admit he was well under her spell and that she could whip him all she fucking wanted to.

They grabbed a bite to eat, headed back, changed and made their way to the park for their second night of music. It went much the same as the night before, Bonnie and Fliss taking off on their own adventures, and Frank keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of John’s fucker of a brother, but he didn’t see him.

By the time Liam Gallagher came onto the stage, Fliss was drunk. And so was he. But it didn’t stop her from going wild. Once again she knew every single word to every single song and when he launched into Rock and Roll Star she started pogoing like a person possessed. Mind you, so was everyone else on the dance floor in front of the stage, so Frank joined in. He quite liked this song and, well, if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em…

He ended the set with Live Forever, Frank’s favourite song that he had done and Fliss sighed happily.

“He’s sooo good!” she said, “Why does he have to go?”

“Because his set has finished.”

“But why?” “Because it has!” Frank laughed “He’s been on for almost an hour and it’s 1 am!”

“Hey, Liss, don’t worry…” Bonnie hiccupped “Hot Dub starts in 20…just enough time for a drink…” “Yes…” Fliss agreed, pointing at her. “But I think I need some water too.”

“Pussy…” Frank looked at her and she narrowed his eyes at him.

“I’ll carry on drinking beer if you want, but you’ll be clearing up my puke later…” He snorted and held his hands up, palms out “Water it is…” Hot Dub Time Machine was surreal. He was on for about an hour and took them through a load of the best party songs from the 60s right through to the present day. One minute Frank was doing the Twist and Shout with Fliss, and the next they were all in a circle air-guitaring to Immigrant Song by Led Zep.

By the time they left the park it was almost half 2 in the morning and Fliss decided that she didn’t want to walk and insisted Frank give her a piggy back. He rolled his eyes but crouched down and she took a jump onto his back as he carried her the 10 minutes or so back to the hotel, Simon groaning at him as Bonnie kept complaining he wouldn’t carry her.

“You’re showing me up, dude!” he glared at Frank who simply shrugged as Fliss smirked.

“I like riding him…” she hiccupped, as everyone burst into laughter and Frank shook his head as she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“You’re a fucking nightmare” he sniggered and she shrugged.

*****

The next morning everyone was feeling the effects of a heavy weekend, and Frank was pleased that they had the late check out option. Eventually, after dragging themselves out of bed they managed to shower, pack up and head down to check out. There was another argument about who was paying for the room, this time Fliss winning as she put her foot down telling him he was paying for New York and that she really wanted to pay for this. She’d told Frank before about John never letting her have any financial control over anything and Frank knew that it meant a lot to her so he relented, and instead bought them brunch before they set off home.

They got back in time for a roast dinner, and then they headed back to the annex to watch a film, Fliss crashing out halfway through. She left them to it and headed to bed and was flat out by the time Frank made his way upstairs.

“I can’t believe you got the day off!” she moaned at him over breakfast on the Monday morning.

“I can’t believe you didn’t” he shot back

“I can’t…clients and stuff.” she pouted, biting into her toast before she groaned again. “I’m too old for partying all weekend…I can’t hack it anymore.” Frank snorted and took a sip of his coffee before Fliss grinned at him. “Can we go again next year?”

Frank laughed “The Circle Of Truth have already decided it’s going to be an annual thing from now on.” he said, standing up and with a kiss to her head he moved to the stairs yelling for Mary to get a wiggle on. She came down the stairs, Fred and Thor following before she ate her cereal and then Frank bustled her out of the door to drop her off for the last Monday of the school term.

Wednesday lunchtime, however, their happy little bubble burst.

Frank was actually in the sales part of the shop, discussing the benefits of different types of engines with a customer, having been asked to give some advice. He spotted Fliss’ jeep pulling up and as soon as she climbed out and turned towards him, he could tell from her face what was going on.

“Excuse me for just one second…” he politely told the customer, and glancing at his boss he jerked his head towards Fliss. His boss, a nice enough guy called Andy, knew vaguely what was going on and nodded in understanding as Frank stepped outside.

“Baby?” he asked tentatively as Fliss stopped in front of him.

“He did it….” she said softly, stepping into his arm, pressing her face into his chest.  “He made parole. They let the fucker out.”

[aw-eather]

Heather Watches SG1 s7ep17&18: Heroes pt1 and pt2

 Watched 23/06/2020

Well here we go friends. I’m torturing myself for the sake of making y’all laugh and also because I have a LOT of feelings about this two parter and NONE of them are good. I can’t be the only one so lets see who else agrees with me! 

This is about to get long and very swear word heavy so avert your eyes if you aren’t into that <3 Just letting you know I use some VERY strong language this post. I’m Australian so the word isn’t uncommon for us to use and we use it as a term of endearment in some parts too but I just wanted y’all to know. 

This turned into the biggest one I’ve ever done too with 362 dot points... read if you dare

Well here we go

I’m probably gonna cry a lot

I love Saul Rubinek. 

I adore him in Warehouse 13

Artie Neilson is like the dad I didn’t have

but fuck me if I don’t hate Emmet

This WHOLE two parter is pointless and just serves to kill of a character that didn’t need to die 

Anyway getting into that a little early on

Fuck the defence department. 

You haven’t spoken to Space Dad of Texas

The most unorthodox

JFC this ass hole

I’m calling him AssHole for the rest of the episodes

Of course they don’t want them here, he’s a dick 

Hammond’s little smile

This whole episode feels sombre and sad

and we’re three minutes into the two parter

this whole thing is about to fall to shit

credits

i’m not even excited for the credits

because I’m hurting

last time I watched this I’d started crying the second it started so I’m doing much better this time 

I love watching them go up the ramp  to the gate

its nice

end credits

NO ONE ASKED YOU SAUL

that was a bomb

but NO ONE ASKED YOU 

And Teryl Rothery as Dr. Janet Fraiser

FUCK OFF

He doesn’t have time

He’s busy

Lol coughed on his hand and went to shake Saul’s hand

dead

memos... as if Jack’s ever read one of those

Sam is so awkward

I love her so much

It is nothing short of extraodinary 

she is nothing short of extraordinary and we know this

but again

NOT ONE ASKED YOU ASSHOLE

and grand empress of scifi

grand empress of my heart 

goof ball

the list goes on

god she’s so awkward’

but so adorable 

Thats fine

please annoy Daniel 

What was it like to be dead ffs

TRANSCENDED? DID YOU PAY ANY ATTENTION???

What else is he supposed to say?! He DIED he doesn’t REMEMBER ANYTHING

Daniel’s right

Its fascinating 

LOL DANIEL YOU STUPID IDIOT THATS HILARIOUS

I love Daniel when he’s pissing off people i hate

Bill <3 

Personal microwave oven... nice

And its only taken you 7 years

so glad you did though

Odd that he was on fire

but we never see that happen any other times

“He does this all the time” poor Siler

Sam looks so happy when talking technobable and about her doohickeys. 

I adore her

And honestly all that shits fascinating 

still 32 minutes left... 

honestly if it weren’t for me talking about Janets death, I’d never watch these again. 

They are genuinely some of the worst episodes of SG1

I said what I said

“Sure. Its really cool. Steam comes out of it and everything”

She’s gonna kill someone

WALTER

Thats right

FUCK OFF SAUL

DOESN’T MEAN THERE WASN’T ANY GOA’ULD HERE RECENTLY

I love that they take odds

but this scene is only here to set up the character that is the reason Janet dies

because Janet shouldn’t have been off base

but we’re not going to talk about that are we? 

The episode would have played out the same if this man had died

Anyone can die in war

Doesn’t matter if they’re a parent etc

but nah

we gotta - 

sorry I’ll stop

SHE’S SO HOT 

JACK YOU IDIOT

As if he read the memo

THERE SHOULD BE A CAKE

Obviously he can’t tell you much because he was DEAD

OMG TEAL’C

HE’S NOT SAYING A WORD

BECAUSE HE FUCKING HATES THIS GUY MORE THAN I DO

SAUL SHUT UP

LITERALLY NO ONE CARES 

GO HOME

“Dr Jackson is going to die when he sees this”

“What again?”

my dude you have NO idea

This is what happens when you go poking around

you get ambushed

because it was all a fucking set up

no explination of WHO set them up tho... it was just a set up

what

a

joke

wooooooow

they took it out with a WALL

NOT THIS FUCKING ARSE HOLE

KINSEY JUST PISS OFF 

WE DON’T LIKE YOU

WE DON’T WANT YOU

GO SUCK A ROTTEN TOMATO

EVEN SAUL IS BORED OF YOU

AND HE’S THE MOST BORING MAN I’VE EVER MET

leave Jack alone

YES JACK

Its not slander if its TRUE YOU WANKER

NO YOU HAVE NOT

PAST AND PRESENT YOU ASS

JFC

Who cares what the president wants

I am 90% sure Jack just called Kinsey a limp dick and I’ve never been prouder? 

“deep and unyielding love for you, sir” SHUT UP JACK YOU GOOSE 

Well Mr Bregman can such a toe

Fancy arguing with Space Dad from Texas

OH FUCK OFF SAUL

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

NO ONE CARES

HAMMOND IS RIGHT

PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE IF YOU’RE THERE

PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET HURT

YOU HAVE NO RIGT TO BE THERE

Sam joking around with Teal’c is so sweet

I love them and their friendship so much

Gah!

OF COURSE THERE IS A CHANCE THINGS WILL GO WRONG YOU NARCACISTIC FUCK

ITS LIKE TO GO MORE WRONG WITH YOU THERE

I’M SORRY I’M YELLING SO MUCH I JUST HATE HIM WITH MY ENTIRE BODY.

Well is he wrong? 

Because you’re an absolute arse, thats why it doesn’t matter

Shots of your ass serve us all well O’Neill

“How do you feel about Colonel O’Neill”

She wishes to kiss him, sir. 

And potentially much more but we shall no discuss that here

He is amazing

Time outside of work... what are you insinuating

Good cover

Like family

First and foremost her superior officer

Secondly your LOVER

because I pretend Pete doesn’t exist right now

OH THIS SCENE

Actually that was pretty cute Daniel

And you’re right it is fascinating

At some action? 

So you can be a dick and use peoples death as entertainment? 

Fuck me 

His job is the inscriptions

seriously fuck this guy

I love how Sam’s face goes from he’s right its boring to aww Daniel, he didn’t :O

I love their friendship

But it nearly could have cause people like oh, I don’t know, YOUR BOYFRIEND, SAMANTHA, stalk people

shouldn’t have stayed as long as you did

if y’all hadn’t stayed

this wouldn’t have happened

Janet my love 

I’m crying

wow Jack has been hurt a fuck tonne

he didn’t give permission

Saul is an ass

I’m literally fighting tears right now

I fucking love her so much 

You never know what to expect but you do such a good job sweetie 

I’m so proud of you

The more she talks the more proud of her I am

and the more of a loss it truly is that she goes

because she’s fucking incredible and she has so much heart 

her little laugh fucking STOP

My heart is literally breaking 

AND DR FRAISER

STOP

THEY WOULDN’T HAVE JUST WALKED INTO AN AMBUSH LIKE THAT ON ANY OLD DAY

WHY NOW

WHO WROTE THIS FUCKING SHIT

FUCK OFF SAUL

THIS IS RIDICULOUS

HER GIGGLE STOP I LOVE HER 

SHE DESERVED MORE

DO NOT GO

JANET NO STAY

BABY

and we end there to go to part two

this episode felt weird

it feels like is a drama inside a drama does that make sense? 

It kinda feels like 200

like it feels fake and like its about to cut to a shot of them sitting around a table, flabergasted and with their heads in their hands

So Robert C. Cooper wrote it

I just wanna talk buddy... just wanna talk

THEY AIRED THIS FUCKER THE DAY BEFORE VALENTIES DAY?!?! WTF SYFY?!

Alright starting episode 2

SAUL FUCK OFF YOU CAN’T BE THERE

JANET BABY DON’T GOOOOOOO

I AM CRYING

I have my pillow pet who is named Janet

She was a gag gift about 7 years ago and I was watching SG1 at the time

but also she just looked like a Janet

She’s become a staple in my life and I love her 

Anyway she always gets me through these episodes

credits

still not into it right now

should have skipped them this episode tbh

end credits

Ordered chocolate cake

it arrived

i’m happy with this choice

I don’t give a fuck about them deciding what happens in the fucking video

Good answer Daniel

I could also watch Major Carter’s head talk all day

They didn’t stand a fucking chance out there

They ran into that situation totally unprepared

which they would never have done normally

this whole two parter is fucking bull shit

and then they pit Jack and Janet against each other... like who are we gonna be more upset to lose in this moment

Fuck Jack

baby noooo

I can’t take this episode ffs

Lol Walter being cute

Get out of there

You cunt

get that fucking camera off 

fuck this guy

no Sam

fuck off 

leave her alone

punch him in the face

oh Sam honey I’m so sorry

she lost her best friend

FUCK OF SAUL

JESUS 

HER BEST FRIEND JUST DIED 

SHE’S IN PAIN

YOU DO NOT GET TO DICTATE WHETHER PEOPLE GET FILMED WHEN SHE’S CLEARLY IN PAIN

I’LL TURN YOU OFF YOU FUCKING ARSE HOLE FUCK YOU

don’t sit there all upset like your day has been ruined

And now we have them making us think Jack died so that we worry about him the entire episode instead of Janet

because who cares about her right?

FUCKING WOOLSEY

I literally just screamed

i hate him

this episode can’t get any FUCKING WORSE

I also question the decision. 

No offence Space Dad of Texas

but it doens’t make sense that you chose to do what you did

I’m sorry but it doesn’t 

FUCK OOOOOOFFFF WOOOSLEY

Hammond visiting Carter <3 

Ah Barrett

So Woolsey is a corrupt piece of shit

Whoda thunk it

I’m crying again

Poor Hammond

Poor Sam

Talking at the memorial man

OH GOOD MORE WOOLSEY

BECAUSE THIS EPISODE ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH...

Fuck him

And the truth is that you’re a dick, moving on

Daniel has a point... and I hate saying that but he has a point

I love Sam

Daniel doesn’t give a fuck

Go Daniel I’m proud of you

OH NOT SAUL AND THE F U C K I N G CAMERA

NO PISS OFF

This is cruel

to make us see her death

to show us her literal dead body was too fucking much

I’m sorry but this would have been just as powerful if Simons had died

Hes a good kid

but this would have had the same impact

I’m sick of this man

I’m sick of this shit

OH MY GOD GO THE FUCK AWAY YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Which is why you bastards should not have been in the fucking field

It was of a man dying

end of

Yeah but what they do every single day doesn’t mean show us JANETS DEATH

Sharing it with the world won’t make him feel any better about one of his best friends getting show you mole

Good, Woolsey again

suck my dick

So this guy put money values on peoples heads

and he got command of Atlantis? 

Yeah fuck him I’m not watching s5 of Atlantis

to be fair $27 million is a lot of money

but its still peopls lives

fuck off you smarmy git

I would love to see him tossed out on his arse

He can do that

fuck off you don’t get to say in whether or not you’re there or have a right to be there

you’re invading on peoples privacy

you’re an ass

The Tape

Fuck the N.I.D

I actually feel really bad for Daniel

fuck you Bregman

so excited to see people’s deaths

I had to pause for a moment

because I just saw Janet die

and its cruel

We didn’t have to see her death

knowing it happened was bad enough 

physically seeing her dead is like salt in the wound

Janet deserved so much more than this

hope you’re happy bregman

sam visiting Jack

hurts because i love the cute moment

but it hurts

because we shuoldn’t have had to lose janet for this

Cassie... my heart is broken

the way he looks at her when she starts crying and the hug  like he has been there with her so many times 

its all so sweet 

and they’re so in love but they can’t have each other

its rude 

Poor Simon... 

Poor Sam

watching her cry is so hard

and Teal’c 

guys i’m not sure i can finsih this

ok sorry I’m back

Gotta pick up Cassie

Cassie 100% lived with Sam right? 

Oh Teal’c... i love you so, so much you sweet angel

and the little hug.. their friendship is beautiful

I’m so sick of Bregman at this point

and them being in the room where Daniel died, where Jack chose to get his symbiote, where they saved Cassie and Sam and countless others, where they helped Teal’c

Janet was so strong, so wise

oh Daniel... I’m sorry 

It does but others don’t need to see it Daniel

Oh fuck I’ll be back after the memorial

its such a beautiful memorial

and Im glad they chose Sam to talk 

I’m gonna say some more in my final notes

its hard right now with the tears

I still think you’re an absolute arse, Saul

This was kinda sweet actually

oh they named the baby Janet

i’m never gonna stop crying 

Oh Jack

he’s so unimpressed

what a stupid way to end it

sorry but that was shit

Final thoughts

i genuinely hate these episodes. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever watch them again. Even with another watch through.. they’re not as well written or directed as other episodes, they’re unbelievable in the cannon of the show and breaks their own rules, not to mention the sheer heartbreak

Bregman is one of the most unlikeable characters in the show. If Simmons had of been alive he could have been in the episode too just to add to the trifecta of cunts!

Cassie should have been at the memorial

they make you think Jack is dead so we won’t worry about janet to what? make it more of a shock? because it doesn’t work. It should never have been designed to make us feel relief at Janet’s death because it wasn’t Jack! It doesn’t do her justice. 

Janet Fraiser was a smart woman with a massive heart. She was brave and strong and she cared for everyone even when they were arseholes. She had a bit of fun with SG1 sometimes too. She was an incredible Dr, mother and friend.  Janet was tiny but tough. Something that i aim for. I’m 5ft2 so basically the same as Janet and believe it or not i’ve had people question my ability to be a good teacher because noone will take me seriously. Janet always made me feel like people would take me seriously and that even though I’m small, I can do big things. She encouraged me to be a good person with a heart of gold. Her death hits really hard for that reason. but also because she was an incredible character who deserved more than what she was given. Hardly any screen time and then murdered to make some sort of point that didn’t need making??? Not to mention she’s mentioned twice in the next three seasons and when she “comes back” in Ripple Effect she spends almost no time with Sam which makes exactly 0 sense. 

Someone recently said they heard she was killed because the writers didn’t know how much more time they had and wanted to wrap some stuff up? Lets not forget that they made the end of this season a huge cliff hanger... but I’m still not sure what we could wrap up with her death? She had a fucking child!

Any way I won’t be watching this again. I’m sorry this isn’t much fun but hopefully you’ve got a giggle out of me swearing at the idiots 

I love you all for reading this and supporting me posts, they’re usually pretty fun to make honestly!

[incorrect-oldstar-quotes]

never a dull moment

Stars: Thelma Todd, Mabel Normand, Minta Durfee, Edna Purviance

Summary: The girls go for a fast food run and make the ride half the fun.

Words: 1,374

Notes: Requested by @spinningtop397 (thank you again)! Based on one of my all-time favorite vines [x].

🐸☕🐸☕🐸☕🐸☕🐸☕

It was a Friday night and they had everything they needed: Netflix, soft blankets, snacks, and hot beverages. But there was one thing they were missing, and that was the food. It was 11 PM and most sit-down places were closed, but that was just fine because they were comfortable in Mabel and Minta’s room. Then again, it was also too late to order delivery, and none of them wanted to eat ramen again.

They sat and brainstormed ideas and then Thelma spoke up. Rather, she sat up way too fast and scared the others a little bit. “Hey, how about In-n-Out?”

Edna broke the silence with a laugh. “For a second, I thought you just found a killer seafood deal.”

“Actually, I don’t think I’ve had In-n-Out yet,” she commented. That was when everyone remembered that Thelma got to California like 2 months ago and hadn’t really eaten much local yet. “But if I had found a good seafood deal, you would’ve seen a way different reaction.”

Mabel stood up and stretched. “My vote’s on In-n-Out too. Anyone else got an idea?”

Minta and Edna shook their heads no in tandem and began to stand up as well. Edna had no problems getting up from her chair on the floor, but Minta needed some help getting off her bed. She’d been laying down for almost an hour and had gotten a bit too comfortable. “Hey? Uhhhh,” she muttered with a laugh.

“We gotcha,” Thelma said cheerfully as she and Mabel helped her onto the floor. “So who’s driving?”

Edna and Mabel pulled a nose-goes on them, and Thelma caught on before Minta could follow. “I wasn’t looking!” she whined, but there was no energy behind it. They slipped on their shoes, pajamas be damned, and headed to Minta’s car.

Minta’s family was never super rich but they had just enough to pass down her mom’s fifteen-year-old Corolla when she went to college. It was well-kept and just enough to help her get around when it was time to leave campus. Mabel called shotgun, while Edna and Thelma took the back seats.

Thelma opened the passenger seat door and almost sat down until she felt a lump on her seat. “Oh hey- Kermit?”

“Just pass him up here,” Minta said, a little quickly like she was shy about it.

“What are you doing with a Kermit doll in your car?” Thelma asked, suppressing a laugh. 

“It’s a project for my teaching methods class. The professor assigned us all Muppets characters. We have to give some kind of a teaching lecture in character.”

“I’ve been helping a little, but her Kermit is better than mine.”

“Cute,” Edna commented quietly.

“Anyway, I’m the DJ this time. Any music requests? If not, I’m breaking out the 90s.”

Edna and Thelma shared a couple glances. “I’m fine with whatever,” Edna answered. “Hit us with your best.”

“Okay, you got it.” She shuffled the playlist and the first thing she got was “Burn” by Usher, which made the whole car start laughing. Everyone except Thelma, of course.

“What’s so funny?”

Mabel turned around to get a good look at her. “You know who Chico is, right?”

“Is he the stout dude that wears that green hat everywhere? Isn’t he like a super senior or something?”

Mabel nodded. “Yep, that’s the one. He plays this song at every single one of his parties. It’s like 10 years old at this point and he plays it like it’s still the number 1 radio hit.”

Thelma hummed. “He’s an odd little fella but he seems pretty cool. Why’s he been here so long again?”

“He went to study in France one year. Nobody ever sees him in class but he’s actually pretty smart. He’s almost always in the top of his class.”

Edna leaned forward, actually intrigued by the conversation. “Wait, I thought that was Groucho who was the smart one.”

“Well, they’re all different degrees of smart but they just present it differently. Everything just comes easy to Chico, which is why he’s always at the top but you never see him in class. Harpo doesn’t really like to brag about it. Groucho is the bookworm and numbers guy, and Zeppo is good at speaking and writing.”

Thelma laughed. “How do you know so much about the Marx brothers?”

“I’m cool with them all. I’m in Model UN with Zeppo but I knew the others before I knew him. Everybody knows them. If you know one, you know them all. When you’re here long enough, Thelma, you’ll figure them out too.”

By the time they’d finished talking about the brothers, the first song was over and they’d changed to “What’s Up” by the 4 Non-Blondes. Mabel began to sing along and copy the singer’s style, which gave Thelma a great idea.

“Hey, Mabel!” she almost shouted, but not loud enough to distract Minta from driving. “You still have that Kermit doll up there, right?”

“Yeah, he’s right here.” She held him up over her shoulder and started waving at them in the back seat.

“Great. Do you know ‘I Don’t Mind’ by Usher?”

Mabel opened her phone and scrolled through her library. “Actually, yeah, I got it right here.”

“I have a great idea for a meme. Play that one next and sing it in your Kermit voice. I’ll record.”

Thelma was already giddy with laughter as she thought about what was coming up. The current song began to fade and she opened her camera.

“Ready?” Mabel asked, to which she got a thumbs-up.

Thelma chuckled then cheered, “Oooooh, this is my jam!”

This is for the A

Mabel propped the doll up and began to sing, “Shawty, I don’t. MIIIIIIIIND.” Her impression was perfect and it almost made Thelma drop her phone laughing within seconds of hearing it. Edna joined in and eventually Minta did as well, when she was safely turning into the In-n-Out parking lot. 

“Hi, welcome to In-n-Out, order when you’re ready,” the worker at the speaker said on cue. Minta thanked her kindly and then turned to the still-giggly car. The music was turned down but the laughter was still as loud as ever.

“Okay, Giggles McGee, relax for like 2 minutes. What does everyone want?” While Thelma, still teary-eyed from laughter, looked over the menu, the others took turns calling theirs out to the speaker. Once everyone’s orders were in place, they pulled up to the first window.

Mabel nearly crushed Minta to get to the window. She stretched her arms as far as she could and stuck the Kermit out the window.

“Yeah and uhhhhhh do you mind if we get extra ketchup?” she asked in the Kermit voice.

“MABEL NO,” Edna shouted. 

The girl working at the cash register seemed to be living her best life. “Is that a Kermit?”

“Yes, ma’am!” Mabel answered. The other girls hid their faces in embarrassment. “We’re just out getting some eats, listening to some tuuunes, fun night tonight.”

“Okay, that sounds lovely. If you pull up to the next window, they’ll have your order right there.”

“Thank you!” The car sat in idle silence during the exchange, but all Hell broke loose as soon as they pulled away from the window.

“Why do I go anywhere with you?” Minta whined, once again with no heat behind it, but they weren’t too sure about that. Edna and Thelma wheezed laughing in the back seat.

Mabel held the door up again to face her. “Because you love us and we’re just trying to help you get a good grade on that project, like good friends do.”

But apparently word had gotten up to the second window about the special guest in their car. The guy at the second window was already anticipating it.

“I heard you have a Kermit,” he laughed.

Almost on instinct, Mabel turned the radio up again. She’d put Kermit down for a moment, but he was up again when the beat hit.

This is for the A

“Shawty, I don’t.” 

“MIIIIIIIIND.” The other girls decided it was easier to join in than try to argue with her on it. But this is why they love Mabel. She knows just how to make everyone smile.

[palettes-and-prompts]

100 First Meetings (Dialogue Prompts)

1) "Were you the one in the bathroom a second ago trying different lines in the mirror to work up the courage to ask that barista out?" 2) "Wow, you're cute." 3) "You come here often?" "This is a morgue." 4) "You! What the hell are you doing in here? We're closed!" 5) "Ahhhh! I hate my fucking life!!!" "Mood." 6) "You have magic?!" 7) "You don't look like you'll last a day here." 8) "You should leave before your date gets back from the bathroom, I saw them in here the other day popping the question to two different people." 9) "They never told me they had a younger brother/sister." 10) "Who's the twink?" 11) "I gotta ask, are you mad about something or is your face just /like that?/" 12) "You're my new roommate?" 13) "You're not married are you?" 14) "Hey, you're not dead are you? Cause I'm on probation and I can't afford to be involved in a fucking murder or something." 15) "So you're the one causing all this trouble." 16) "I need you to pretend we're dating so this dude will leave me alone." 17) "Honey, there you are I've been looking all over for you! Pretend you're with me so this person will go away." 18) "So you're the loud moaner from upstairs, huh, never knew you'd be so cute." 19) "You're not the pizza guy." 20) "You know, when I said I wish the love of my life would just fall out of the sky this isn't exactly what I had in mind." 21) "Any particular reason you're putting peanut butter in my kid's hair?" 22) "You made me dinner?" 23) "You've got the wrong room, but feel free to stay naked." 24) "You must be the motherfucker who broke my windshield!" 25) "Hi, you are very naked." 26) "You their new toy?" 27) "How'd you like to make fifty bucks?" 28) "I know I'm going to regret asking but who are you?" 29) "You got any friends?" "No." "Well you do now, come sit with us!" 30) "Cute face, I'd love to sit on it sometime." 31) "Where'd you find this dork?" 32) "Uh, there any particular reason you're screaming at two thirty-six in the morning? 33) "Out of curiosity, do you think you could lift a dead body?" 34) "If you don't let go of this bag of chips I swear to god I'll bring you to your knees in the middle of this fucking WinnDixie." 35) "WHO THE FUCK ATE THE LAST OF THE FUCKIN DORITOS, I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL-oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know we had a guest. If I'd known we had a guest I would've cleaned." 36) "Are you the vegan cannibal? Because I have so many questions." 37) "Ooh, hello Mommy/Daddy. Fuck, did I just say that out loud?" 38) "Am I dead? Are you an angel? Am I in heaven?" "Actually you're in a taco bell, you tried to do a kick flip on your skateboard in the parking lot and hit your head on the side of the dumpster." 39) "You brought a fucking guest to our SECRET BASE?! I'll deal with you later. Hi, hello, it's very nice to meet you please make yourself at home!" 40) "So, you gay or what?" 41) "No, sorry, we don't want any girl scout cookies." 42) "Holy shit, you just saved my fucking life!" 43) "Hey, honey, it's just me. You were in a really bad accident so don't try moving around too much, okay? How are you feeling?" "You called me honey. Do I know you?" 44) "Jesus, your face is about as red as your hair." 45) "Run along little ballerina, you wouldn't want to be caught hanging around the bad kids, would you?" 46) "No, I'm not the stripper, but I can be if you'd like." 47) "You ready to cut open some bodies?" 48) "Get in if you want to live." 49) "What are you looking at, short stack? Mind your own business." 50) "Your headphones aren't plugged in properly so I can hear everything you're listening to. I was going to tell you earlier but then you started watching the weirdest porn I've ever seen and I didn't want to embarrass you, but I'm about to leave so I figured I'd tell you before someone else sits around you." 51) "I don't know what they've told you but we don't need another member, go home." 52) "Hey, stop right there, you can't steal that! That's illegal!" 53) "Who's the nerd?" 54) "You look like the kind of person who wears days of the week underwear." 55) "So, how many pitchers of margaritas are you allowed to sell me?" 56) "My head fucking kills, I shouldn't have drank last night. Hey, wait, why do you and I have matching rings on our fingers?!" 57) "Congratulations, idiot! You just ruined a six month plan and now we have to start all over!" 58) "That is the ugliest shirt I've ever seen, where can I get one just like it?" 59) "I know you make straight A's, but I'm still not sure if you're really smart or dumb but really lucky. Because I've seen someone ask you what the square root of pi is and you answer with 'I don't know, I guess it depends on the flavor.'" 60) "Who the fuck let you in?" 61) "Hey, I'll give you twenty bucks if you take a photo with me to make my ex jealous." 62) "So, you eat ass or what?" 63) "You a cop?" "No." "Too bad, you would have looked good in a uniform." 64) "With a face like that I'll be whoever you want me to be." 65) "Hey, you have eyes, do you think this outfit makes me look fat? You can be honest, I can handle it." 66) "I'm just looking for a nice person to settle down with who'll fuck me hard and tell me they love me when they cum on my face, like, I feel like that's not too fucking much to ask for, you know? Anyway, I'll have a diet coke and the chicken salad, please." 67) "I swear to god, this is not what it looks like." 68) "First of all, don't you fucking come in here and try and start a fight with my best friend while you're looking straight goofy as hell in those fucking Walmart shorts and those thrift store crocs." 69) "HEY! YOU ACROSS THE STREET! YOUR DOG IS SO FUCKING CUTE AND I WOULD FUCKING DIE FOR THEM!" 70) "Anyone who says they don't like musicals is either lying to themselves, has never watched one, or is a heartless android sent by the government to blend into society and collect information about us." 71) "Asking someone out is easy, watch this. Hi, I think you're cute and if you're not seeing anyone do you want to go out sometime?" 72) "Hey, I saw you crying earlier when you stepped on a bug. Do you need me to, like, call someone for you?" 73) "I can't tell if you're really high and just hungry or if you're buying 28 family bags of shredded cheese at three am because you just love cheese. Either way you should probably also buy some laxatives or lactaid while you're already here." 74) "When I told you to make a power point about something you're passionate about for our first class meeting I didn't mean make a power point on 'How to Give Great Head' and I absolutely didn't tell you to include pictures." 75) "Are you wearing that tacky ass outfit because you genuinely like it or because you're a Leo and crave the attention?" 76) "Did you really just buy the last chocolate chocolate chip muffin? You are now dead to me." 77) "The fuck are you looking at loser?" 78) "Dude, books are just like subtitles without the movie." 79) "Hey, in your tinder bio is says your friends call you Badger Slammin' Sam and I literally only swiped right just to find out why." 80) "Are you hitting on me? Am I being punked? Are you a hooker? Did my dumbass friend put you up to this?" 81) "Hey, I need you to settle something for me and my friend. Which is the right way to pronounce carrot?" 82) "Do you believe in love at first sight, what about disgust at first glance?" 83) "Look, I'm not saying that MCR's last album changed my life, but I'm absolutely saying that." 84) "Can you move out of my way, I have to clean puke off the floor before I'm allowed to use my lunch break to cry in my car." 85) "Hi, I believe this very drunk person is your roommate, they told me this is the address. I caught them in my backyard playing with my dog again." 86) "I know you're probably not allowed to do this, but I kind of need to borrow an iguana." 87) "Hey, I saw you drop your sandwich in the parking lot earlier and start crying and I felt bad for not saying anything earlier, but I went to the sandwich shop and luckily the dude remembered your oddly specific order so I got you another one. I hope you get to feeling better." 88) "No, we don't sell 'that crazy kush' here, you can try Target." 89) "I was just calling because you sent me a picture text three weeks ago by accident with the caption 'When they let you deliver the digiorno after you clap them cheeks.' and I was just wondering if you could explain what that means because it's been keeping me up at night ever since you sent it." 90) "Hey, I just overheard you talking with your friends about how you put mustard, ketchup, and ranch on your macaroni and cheese and I just wanted to come over here and personally ask you which circle of hell you crawled up from." 91) "What the fuck is a diet water?" 92) "You guys here for the orgy?" 93) "Was that your scream? Why did it sound like a banshee?" 94) "I saw you pour two five hour energy shots into a cup of coffee earlier and then proceed to mix it with monster and red bull and like, dude I know this isn't really my place or whatever but I think you should probably go to the hospital. Like, I think you're gonna die." 95) "Your profile said you're a vegan but my profile says 'Only contact if you eat ass' and you contacted me, so what's the truth here?" 96) "Call me adorable one more time and I'll knock your teeth down your fucking throat." 97) "Move, I have to go fail my Stats test before I can go home and cry into a bag of hot cheetos while I rewatch The Office." 98) "I'm sorry, did you just order a fifty piece mcnugget for here, for yourself?" 99) "So, how do you feel about lizards?" 100) "Question, are you a top or a bottom, because you're giving off major power bottom energy but I'm not one hundred percent sure."

[zghostreviews]

Hellsing Ultimate (2012)

Well, I’m finally back with another review guys! It’s been a while! Back at it with another Hellsing review, but this time with the adaption that follows much closer to the manga.

As summarized in the review of the original, Hellsing is a british occult organization that specializes with the extermination of feral/rogue vampires that cause trouble for people. The story follows 3 protagonists, Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, the head of the Hellsing organization and master of Alucard, Seras Victoria, who is a newly made vampire that was turned by Alucard, and Alucard the vampire made to exterminate those that stand in his and his master’s way.

I watched this anime 2-3 years after it came out, and rewatched it all again via Toonami on [Adult Swim]. I became much more obsessed than I was before with Hellsing after this.

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The show overall is honestly 9/10. Would be a 10/10 if they had an anime opening, specifically the one they used in the 2001 adaption.

The episodes are all an hour long at most for all 10 episodes, and surprisingly at kept all of my attention, despite my attention literally being that of a goldfish’s, as seen by the fact that I started watching One Piece 7-8+ years ago and am just now getting to episode 302.

---------------------------

Music: 8/10 It was pretty epic and really set the tone, still wish the anime had an opening tho.

------------------------------

Story: 8/10 This storyline was pretty cool, had me on the edge of my seat, kinda wish that they didn’t force in comedic moments, imo it felt kinda tryhard and displaced most of the time. Also wish that I didn’t have to watch Seras being molested as “comedic” tones by some zombie-like people and by that creepy looking vamp guy a minute before Alucard actually decided to do something. I know that the author of Hellsing was a hentai artist in the 90s, but cmon.....you didn’t have to show all that, I don’t even think the 2001 did any of the molesty shit even to THAT extent. These scenes lasted for like 20 to 30 seconds while the 2001 molest scenes were not even close to that long. With how long that scene was my grandparents could’ve walked during any of those seconds and I would have the worst time trying to explain that shit while also running the risk of being kicked out or being called homophobic slurs every single day of my life until I was old enough to leave. Anyways I also didn’t like Pip either, dude was a fucking creep, plus he was the protag in one of the author’s 90s hentai series so.... :\\ 

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Characters: Overall 8/10

Integra: 10/10 I am gay and I like a woman that can easily dominate me with just her voice alone. Am I considered a milf hunter if I have a streak of thinking that older anti hero/evil women are hot? ‘cause I think that Integra even at 52 years of age can get it ngl.

Seras: 8/10 She cute but can easily kill with no problem if she goes completely ape shit. ngl I kinda liked feral Seras tho, something in me definitely awakened at the sight of her and Integra.

Alucard:5/10 I was really annoyed that the series gave him the most screen time tbh. He’s kind of an asshole and overrated imo, tho this could be just because I’m not straight so I don’t see the appeal that others had in him whatsoever.

Walter: 7/10 ngl it hurted when he went to the n*zi side near the end of the series and then he fucking died. He was the real mvp and also a wise old guy.

Pip: 1/10 Didn’t like him whatsoever, didn’t find him funny whatsoever. He was just a plot device anyways and was also used for dumb het romance for Seras to have motivation to go ape shit and yeet Zorin’s face out of existence.

Can’t rate the Millenium characters since this would be a Stroheim from Jojo situation where you like them but at the same time they’re willingly a n*zi so.....

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Dub or Sub???

Dub for sure with this one as well, just like the 2001 adaption. As said in the 2001 review, the voices just fit MUCH better here unlike the Japanese VAs.

----------------------

Ending: imo it was pretty good. It made since that Integra didn’t end up having an heir, not only because of the sheer lesbian energy she radiates, but because it would seem somewhat OOC for her to do that. It makes total since that Integra would just let the Hellsing oraganization die with her. Don’t know how the manga ended tho since I still have to read it.

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Anyways, that’s all for now! Peace!

[wundrlss]

1-92

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? my girl? duh

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? not yet 🙄

3. Have you taken someones virginity? yup a couple people

4. Is trust a big issue for you? eh, depends on the person/my mental state

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? YES

6. What are you excited for? making my girl my wife

7. What happened tonight? I cried and drove home

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? No, there's a fine art to it

9. Is confidence cute? yeah

10. What is the last beverage you had? Dr.Pepper

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Aaron, My Big Brother (he's my freaking bestie) & My little Brother

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? yeah

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? watch Smackdown

14. What are you going to spend money on next? coffee in the morning

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? it's uhhhhh complicated... but someday I hope.

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? I mean probably, but like in a good way ya know.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? My Mom, Jordan, My therapist, My Big Brother

18. The last time you felt broken? I dunno I've got pretty tough skin now. but not gonna lie ya bitch cried on the way home bc I miss my girl and other daughter.

19. Have you had sex today? nope can't remember the last time honestly I was probably drunk🤡

20. Are you starting to realize anything? that a bitch is tired

21. Are you in a good mood? I'm sad as shit so whatever

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? yes

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? kinda?

24. What do you want right this second? @jeunemaman-xo u and a nap

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? nothing unless it was the dumbass. but if I kissed someone else you bet your ass I'm in trouble😂😂

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? yup my pride shines through and through baby

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? I definitely have 12/10 would NOT recommend

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? My girl and her scratch tickets

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? yes🥺🥺💔💔

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? I mean probably not but then again I'm more like a 500 chance type of gal because I suck

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? no I don't hate anyone. I seriously dislike some but hate none.

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? yup she better

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? LMAO I can kill a 24 pack in like 12hrs

34. Listening to? Lucy by Still Woozy

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? yes

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? her house

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? yeah

38. Who did you last call? my grandparents

39. Who was the last person you danced with? kk

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? because I love the absolute shit out of her.

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? oh god I can't remember

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? hugged my dad for the first time in a long time.

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? plenty of times I'm so funny

44. Do you tan in the nude? depends on availability

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? take it back? if you mean like rewind so it could happen over and over again... yes

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? uh kinda? I dunno a bitch didn't sleep

47. Who was the last person to call you? my girl to ask me to come pick her up two blocks away 😂😅

48. Do you sing in the shower? yup

49. Do you dance in the car? oh absolutely ask storm😅

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? yes

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? I'm more of a behind the camera person. but like my boudoir shoot a yearish ago

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? I like them

53. Is Christmas stressful? No I'm a Christmas queen.

54. Ever eat a pierogi? yes I don't like them lol

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? uh something in the berry family? or cherries or nectarines or peaches holy shit plums *chefs kiss*

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? neurosurgeon, anesthesiologist, OB, princess?

57. Do you believe in ghosts? yes

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? all the time, my past lives to tryna teach me shit and I believe that.

59. Take a vitamin daily? LMAO, no dude I cant even stay on my psych meds

60. Wear slippers? do birks count?

61. Wear a bath robe? Occasionally

62. What do you wear to bed? T-shirt, or Jammies

63. First concert? Dixie Chicks or Avril Lavigne

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target

65. Nike or Adidas? Nike

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? I like both but I'd rather have sunflower seeds

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? hmmmm

69. Ever take dance lessons? yes

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? my wife gonna be a hottest trophy wife I swear. 🥵🥵🥵 but honestly she can do or be whatever she wants to be. she's my queen 🔒

71. Can you curl your tongue? yup

72. Ever won a spelling bee? yup

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? yup

74. What is your favorite book? Go Ask Alice

75. Do you study better with or without music? I don't study but if I did, without because I'm too easily distracted.... mini concert

76. Regularly burn incense? yes, sage and Palo Santos sticks to clean my crystals and my tools

77. Ever been in love? yes a time or two

78. Who would you like to see in concert? I just wanna rave ma😩😩

79. What was the last concert you saw? I went to Thunderdome in Feb⚡️😎

80. Hot tea or cold tea? Hot tea

81. Tea or coffee? Tea honestly

82. Favorite type of cookie? gingerbread or snickerdoodle

83. Can you swim well? yes I was on swim team

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? yes

85. Are you patient? not really but I can be if I have to.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Ask my wife

87. Ever won a contest? not really

88. Ever have plastic surgery? not yet

89. Which are better black or green olives? black

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? I don't care

91. Best room for a fireplace? All

92. Do you want to get married Yes, someday. ya know what they say 3rd tries a charm

[pretzel-emoji-anon]

From this ask game

1. There really is no meaning

2. My mom doesn’t let me post pics online :/ but if I know you really well or we know each other irl i can dm you one

3. I don’t have any tattoos yet but I wish 😔

4. I cried just now because of a sad song but the cry only lasted like 3 seconds because I didn’t want to get a headache

5. My ears used to be pierced, not anymore

6. Fall Out Boy’s my favorite band

7. Turn off: Being an asshole

8. Top 5 numbers: 1 2 3 4 5

9. Tattoos I want; I have a whole list! Ask me about them!

10. ~t~u~r~n~~o~n~s: Uhhhh who knows. Dm me

11. 13 - 16 age range

12. Ideal date: Making food together, then going to a cemetery for a picnic. Then, once it gets dark, going into the woods and walking around together. Then going home and making a blanket fort and cuddling until we fall asleep

13. Life Goal: Publish a book before I’m 50, live till I’m 26

14. I want a nose piercing really bad but it’d probably hurt

15. Polyamorous,,,,,,,,, in relationships™️

16. Fav movie: Heathers (1988) but there’s also probably another movie I’m not thinking of that I like more

17. I got to cat-sit my ex neighbor’s boyfriend’s mother’s cat for several months when I was younger

18. Phobia: Lizards, snakes when they aren’t moving, heights, being judged, and probably a handful of other things

19. Middle name: It’s 5 letters and has a dark orange vibe

20. 5’3” (but 5’6” in my tallest pair of heels)

21. Duh, yeah I’m a ~v~i~r~g~i~n, I’m a babey

22. Shoe size: 8.5 women’s US

23. I’m Omnisexual, but I just call myself queer

24. Only drugs I do are caffeine, Zyrtec during allergy season, whatever my doctor tells me to take when I’m sick, and ibuprofen/Tylenol when I’m sick 👈😎👈

25. I miss lots of people, at the minute, my friend Erie who I haven’t talked to since before the pandemic

26. I regret practically everything I do

27. Mikey Way is attractive

28. Marshmallow-Cherry from a local shop downtown is my favorite ice cream (technically Its gelato but whatever)

29. I’m insecure about everything but the first things that come to mind are my appearances, my talents, and my interests

30. Last text: “It’s fine 😂”

31. Nope and I don’t plan to until I am legally if age ��� minors can get arrested for taking ~n~u~d~e~s 🙃

32. I don’t think I’ve ever painted my room

33. I’ve never kissed anyone ;—;

34. Nope, i always sleep clothed because I’m insecure about my body

35. Yeah, I dance in front of my mirror practically every day since I’m too embarassed to do it in front of human people

36. Yeah, I think I’ve had crushes before but like romantic attraction is so weird

37. I have not been dumped yet 🙃

38. Nope, I’ve never stolen money, only a single gummy bear from Publix when I was like 4 (plus piracy but I could go off on why piracy isn’t as bad as stealing—)

39. Do friends of my parents count? When I was too young to be left alone I’d have to go with my mom when she dropped off my dad and his friends at bars occasionally

40. I don’t think so. I’ve been in fights, but I’ve never used my fists specifically

41. Nope, I’ve never really had a reason to sneak out plus I’m too scared anyway

42. I think ? It’s complicated

43. Not yet,

44. I’ve never made out with anyone ;—;

45. Yeah? I don’t really get this question

46. Yeah but only to do stuff like ride a bicycle outside

47. Nah most of my neighbors are adults and I’m not really into that

48. Yeah, but when I say “ditch school” I mean my brother picked me up 20 minutes early to get ready for Halloween

49. Platonically

50. Not to my knowledge

51. Yes, several times

52. Yeah

53. Many times

54. I don’t know

55. Yeah

56. Nah, I live in Florida,

57. When I was little. Also I do cosplay now

58. Maybeee

59. All the time bro

60. Only when I was sick

61. Too young :/

62. Nah, Florida doesn’t get earthquakes

63. I can’t remember, probably though. Florida has a lot of snakes.

64. I don’t drive but my mother has

65. Nah

66. Nope

67. Nope but I’m anxious about it

68. All the time

69. Yeah but nothing serious

70. I’ve attempted but I have no strength in my body and it is not easy

71. I’m always lost, dude

72. Yep! I drove to Cali a few (?) summers ago

73. Yeah

74. All the time

75. Embarrassingly yes (it’s only embarrassing because my singing voice is god awful)

76. Yo all the time yeah

77. Thankfully not

78. I’m babey so no

79. No ;-;

80. Yes

81. ;-;

82. Nope

83. Probably

84. Doesn’t get cold enough in Florida

85. No?????? I got in trouble for wearing leggings, nudity would get me expelled!

86. Nope

87. No but I’ve stood

88. Yeah? I’ve been brushing my teeth since I was three ( to my memory)

89. YeAh

90. No

91. No but I’ve jumped into a pool with all my clothes on :) I don’t like swimsuits and there’s no way in hell I’d skinny dip

92. Nope because no one thinks I’m hot

93. Not yet

94. I find slightly blurry pictures of inanimate objects funny

95. Yep

96. No and I don’t intend on ever

97. Nope

98. All the time

99. Nothing seems real, dude

100. I have a secret blog

[eldritchsurveys]

873.

5k Survey I

1. Who are you? >> I’m Mordred. 2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? >> I’m sensory-defensive and post-traumatic, I'm part of a multiple system, and I’m a fictional character.    3. When you aren’t filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing? >> Taking way shorter surveys. When I’m not taking surveys at all, I’m posting on tumblr or pillowfort, reading, playing video games, researching video game lore, watching a movie or show, or trying to manage my hellbrain (which is a whole separate task in itself). 4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn’t like at the time). >> I do my best not to think about school, the last bit of which was 15 years ago anyway. 5. What is your biggest goal for this year? >> I don’t make goals like that.

6. Where do you want to be in 5 years? >> It’s inconceivable to me to plan ahead that far. Even to think ahead that far seems silly and pointless to my very present-focused (and past-haunted) mind.

7. What stage of life are you in right now? >> Adulthood. Just the general “adulthood” between hectic young adulthood and transitional middle age. 8. Are you more child-like or childish? >> I’m not child-like or childish. I simply understand that the division between “childhood” and “adulthood” isn’t nearly as cut-and-dried as society has organised it for the sake of legality and social interaction, and I also understand that the desire to escape childhood and “childish things” is a conceit of the young, who wish to be seen as grown and independent creatures (which is part of development! it makes perfect sense). By the time you get to your thirties, it really stops mattering. You know you’re an adult. You know that being an adult means you have the freedom to do whatever you want (as far as leisure and play and stuff like that goes, I mean), which means you can sit in your pjs watching cartoons and eating sugar cereal if you like, and no parent can chide you for it, and your peers can fuck off if they don’t like it. (The “adult” part of doing that is knowing to stop after one and a half bowls of said cereal, lmao. It’s all a balance, innit?)

9. What is the last thing you said out loud? >> I don’t remember. 10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now? >> I don’t think there’s any song that can capture that. Or, maybe there is, but I don’t know about it. 11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes? >> No. I’ve been interested, but frankly, I can’t afford anything like that. 12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same? >> There is no set trajectory, like that. Life has high points and low points, and the majority of it is really spent somewhere in the middle. It’s just that we focus on the high points and the low points most often (and when the low points are particularly low, they often end up defining our entire existence, even when we’re in the middle or even at high points).   13. Does time really heal all wounds? >> It’s not time that does it. Time just always happens to pass while the healing is being done, so we figure it’s the most common denominator. It takes work to heal, not just passively sitting around waiting for it to happen. 14. How do you handle a rainy day? >> I bring an umbrella, if I have to go out. Usually I don’t, so I just... do what I would do normally? 15. Which is worse…losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights? >> Obviously losing your luggage... 16. How is your relationship with your parents? Will you miss them when they are gone? >> We have no relationship. There will be nothing to miss. 17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? >> Yeah. Especially since I’m prone to hypervigilance. 18. What is the truest thing that you know? >> The truest thing that I know is that I don’t know shit, and neither does anyone else. We’re all just elaborately guessing about shit, and interpreting reality the best way we can. Which is great, really. The fact that we keep trying to understand shit is cool. Just... “the map is not the territory” kind of applies to a lot of the stuff we think we know. ...Or not, right? After all, what do I know? :p 19. What did you want to be when you grew up? >> I just wanted to be free. 20. Have you ever been given a second chance? >> Probably. 21. Are you more of a giver or a taker? >> I’m a fair amount of both, being, you know, a person. 22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart/mind? >> I make my decisions the best way I know how. Whatever that means. 23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? >> Menstrual cramps. 24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? >> Yeah, right, like I’m going to be able to rank that. 25. Who have you hugged today? >> No one. 26. Who has done something today to show they care about you? >> --- 27. Do you have a lot to learn? >> Of course. I don’t necessarily have to learn all of it, but it sure is out there. 28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would they be? >> I don’t think that would be of any benefit to me. As much as I balk at taking those long uphill journeys to skillfulness, I feel like those journeys are beneficial and aid one’s growth. I’d rather not just snap my fingers and have a djinni grant me abilities like that. 29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel? >> How what other people do and say makes me feel. 30. What are the key ingredients to having a good relationship? >> Meh. 31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die? >> I don’t have a list like this. 32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing? >> I think I would rather die than be incarcerated. So I’d take the death penalty if I could avoid a life imprisonment sentence... 33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause? >> Not particularly. 34. What does each decade make you think of? The 1920’s: Prohibition. Wait, was that the 20s or the 30s? 30’s: World War II. 40’s: The rest of WWII. 50’s: I just think of... all the propaganda images from that era. You know, all the... domestic Whiteness... also, weird foods like meat aspic. 60’s: Hippies and Woodstock. 70’s: The Vietnam War (and the protests). 80’s: Hair metal. 90’s: Grunge and weird television/movies. 2000 : Well, I was an adult for most of this decade, and more or less aware of the world, so I don’t have a succinct “concept” of the aughts the way I have for decades that I didn’t live through, that I only have historical knowledge of. 2010’s: ^

35. Which decade do you feel the most special connection to and why? >> I feel an emotional connection to the spirit of the nineties. I don’t feel like trying to organise my words to explain why, I feel like that would take a lot of energy right now and I still have fifteen questions to go. 36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song? >> I don’t have one particular favourite. 37. What country do you live in and who is the leader of that country? >> United States. Donald Trump is president, weirdly enough. If you could say any sentence to the current leader of your country what would it be? >> I’d rather not, thanks. 38. What’s your favorite TV channel to watch in the middle of the night? >> I don’t watch television in the middle of the night... 39. What Disney villain are you the most like and why? >> That’s a great question, but the thing about Disney villains is that I don’t relate to them as much as I just love watching them do what they do. Like, my favourite is Judge Frollo, but I don’t think it’s because I have anything in common with him. Or, hell, maybe I would burn down an entire city because I don’t know how to handle the fact that I really want to bone this superbly hot chick. (My actual favourite villain is Catholic Guilt.) 40. Have you ever been a girl scout/boy scout? >> Briefly. 41. If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat? >> I would rather fly. I feel like boat travel would take a particularly long time and I’m not into that. 42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night? >> Oh, you know. Science. (I’m not Google.) 43. What does your name mean? >> I’m not sure anyone really knows what “Mordred” means. 44. Would you rather explore the depths of the ocean or outer space? >> Outer space. 45. What is the first word that comes to mind when you see the word: Air: Astrology. Meat: Beef. Different: Strokes. Pink: Panther. Deserve: Entitlement. White: Power, unfortunately. Been reading about too many fucking Nazis lately. Elvis: Pelvis. Magic: Mountain. Heart: Head. Clash: Punk. Pulp: Fiction.

46. If you could meet any person in the world who is dead who would you want it to be? >> I don’t care about this. 47. What if you could meet anyone who is alive? >> I still don’t care. 48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday? >> Of course not. I did watch Event Horizon every day for like a month, but I was in the psych ward at the time. What the fuck else would I have done anyway? 49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do? >> What do I bring to do?! That’s definitely the least of my concerns with a hypothetical like this. I can’t fucking survive in an elevator for a week, dude. 50. Have you ever saved someone’s life or had your life saved? >> Doubtful.

[purplesurveys]

693

Does your family have any Christmas traditions? We go to mass on Christmas Eve evening and open presents at midnight. We also go to a certain relative’s house to have monito-monita and occasionally family who have moved abroad will come back to visit; and in the last few years we’ve also been going to my mom’s brother’s place because they also throw a Christmas party. Have you been to Mount Rushmore? No. How many of the United States have you been to? Zero. Where's your ideal vacation spot? Somewhere not too flashy or tourist-y and with a lot of culture and cuisine and things to learn, like Morocco. What meal can you absolutely not stand? Sinigang.

Would you rather live in Idaho, Siberia, or the Australian outback? Siberia. I think I’d find the scenery and the cold weather soothing. The remoteness of the outback would make me go insane in a few days, and I don’t know much about Idaho to want to live there. What's the weather outside like? It’s midnight so it’s a bit colder than how blistering the heat is during the day. It’s not January levels of cold anymore, but I’m still content. Do you (over)use emoticons? Nah I’m a little frugal with them these days. I’ve observed that people will find you too nice and thus find it easier to step all over you if you use too many emojis or emoticons, so over the years I’ve really cut down on them lol. Easier to establish myself as ~alpha that way. Do you get paranoid that someone's looking at your through your window? Yeah absolutely, even if my room is on the second floor. That’s why I like having my blinds pulled all the way down. Do you sleep with the door open, kinda open, or completely closed? Completely closed. What color would you dye your hair if you HAD to? Dark green. What phrase/word do you tend to use a lot? “Yeah dude” when with friends. Right now I’m also using ‘sis’ or ‘ma’am’ a lot when referring to anyone, lol. What grade did you get on your last major test? We were able to take a few exams but we never got the results back because the quarantine threw our academic schedule way off. What color was your Gameboy Color? I didn’t have my own because I never played video games myself, but my cousin had a purple Gameboy Advance and I just used to watch him play all the time. How many piercings do you have? Two. Surprisingly they’ve never closed up considering I haven’t hung earrings in them in more than a decade. Mountains, oceans, or forests? Right now, oceans. Both the schools I’ve attended are technically forests, and my city is already mountainous. A break from both and a trip to the beach would be perfect right now. Have you colored in a coloring book since age 10? I’ve enjoyed coloring books since I was 5, I think. If that’s what you mean. How many times have you moved/changed houses? Three. My parents lived in an apartment for some time, then they moved to my dad’s family in Tondo so that my paternal grandma can take care of me, then when I was 2 we transferred to our current city but this time to move in with my mom’s family, so my maternal grandma could take care of me, then a decade later we moved to our present house, just a village away. When was the last time you "de-haired" your hairbrush? I use a comb, which doesn’t have to be ~dehaired. Blistering cold or boiling hot weather? COLD. Fuckkkkkk the heat. I hate sweating, I hate feeling sticky, and I hate how bright the sun is and how uncomfortable it makes me. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. I did have my headphones phase as a teenager though. What was the last movie you saw in theatres? Knives Out. Hated every minute of it, but I did it for Gab.

Do you have any friends that are from out of country? There were people I was friends with before they migrated, with promises of keeping touch yadda yadda – but the distance has ultimately made the friendships dissipate. This was me with people like Raegan, Chrissy, Aubrey, Andi, Angel, etc. who all moved to either the US or Canada. No one’s fault, shit really just be like that sometimes. Do you want Obama to serve a second term in 2012? I think he did, right? What's your lucky number? Does it ever grant any luck? I don’t believe in luck but my go-to number is 4, just because. Not really. Do you take showers so hot, your skin turns pink? Mmmm no not really. I can handle hot showers/baths but nothing that changes my skin color. How old were you when you got chicken pox? I...‘ve never had it yet :( I think of this at least once a week, lmao. Are you afraid that you'll get swine flu? 2009 passed and I didn’t so. Are any of your great grandparents still alive? I think so? We don’t talk about famlly a lot but I think I’ve heard my dad talk about his grandma. Alex Trebek or Bob Barker? Alex Trebek for sure. Wii, Playstation 3, or XBOX 360? These are all virtually vintage now but I’ll always have a connection with the Wii. What's your sexual orientation? No clue most days, but I say demisexual when I’m asked so that I don’t get the confused looks if I do say that I don’t identify as anything. How tall are you? A little over five feet. Who/what are you obsessed with currently? Videos from BuzzFeed Tasty. But I only watch the stuff with Andrew, Andrew and Steven (for Worth It), Rie, Niki, and Alvin. The others haven’t really won me over just yet. Have you had any snow days this year? We don’t have those at all. Do you need to clip your nails? Not right now, no. Could you go for a dip in the jacuzzi right now? I’ll pass. What's your favorite TV show? Friends for the laughs, Breaking Bad for more serious content. How much do you weigh? I haven’t checked but I’m consistently in the 90-99 lbs range. Have you ever consumed alcohol? Do you still/are you going to? I mean yeah. My first sip was almost four years ago. I definitely still am drinking to this day lol. What color are your eyes? Dark brown. Do you have full or thinner lips? They’re a bit full when closed but when I smile, my upper lip thins up. Which of the Pirates of the Carribean's was your favorite? I was never into the series. Is Johnny Depp really the hottest man alive? No. Do you have Windows 7? No I don’t. Brownies or cake? Right now I could go for brownies. My mom looooooooves cakes so we always have a box in the fridge, so I’m a little tired of them by now. What did you get for your last birthday? My mom treated me to lunch at a Japanese place and in the evening Angela took me out for Yabu and a date in Timezone. Where's your significant other? She’s at home reading, but she’s also on the line with me right now. Do you press the delete key or the backspace key to get rid of a mistake? Well the backspace key is called delete in Mac keyboards so I dunno how to answer this. How much blankets do you sleep under? Just one. You don’t need more than that in this weather.