#it was supposed to be just rimlaine at first
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diagonal-queen ¡ 1 year ago
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The Moon and the Sea
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♡ pairing: Paul Verlaine x Arthur Rimbaud
♡ synopsis: After a hard day, Verlaine finds solace in the arms of his partner.
♡ wc: 1.5k
♡ cw: Stormbringer spoilers(?), Rimlaine are extremely sad and gay
note: "i want to write a oneshot about some really beautiful but tragic gay men but i cant think of anything" i said to @small-chaos. they replied "Everybody talks about the moon and the sun but nobody admires the beauty in the relationship between the moon and the sea" and then this brainchild was born. thanks bestie <3 i would also like to shoutout @gettinshiggywithit for helping me complete this when i ran out of brain power, thank you lovely 😚😚 apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x
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The early winds of autumn were warm and gentle, relieving busy Parisians of the sticky summer humidity as the changing season set itself in motion. The sounds of evening began to die down, leaving only the rustling of brown and orange leaves in its wake. Yet, one man hadn't been privy to this particular noise, as all his windows had been closed as soon as he'd first entered the apartment the week prior. All he could hear was the crackling of fire and his own chattering teeth.
Rimbaud found himself growing colder by the minute. That night, he sat shivering on a sofa right before the fireplace, with a thick fluffy blanket wrapped around him. Despite the fact that he was also clad in several layers, a thick grey coat, a large scarf, mittens and earmuffs, he still felt like he might succumb to hypothermia any second.
He wanted nothing more than to leap into the fire itself, but he sat as still as he could and waited. Verlaine was supposed to be back soon, and when he knew that he was alright he would be able to go to their shared room and sleep (somewhat) soundly. That was what he'd planned, at least.
After hearing the sound of the door unlocking, Rimbaud bowed his head as Verlaine entered the apartment and closed the door behind him. He momentarily glanced at his partner, before doing a double take in shock.
Verlaine looked...dishevelled. He wasn't so dishevelled that a stranger may take notice and ask him about it, but for Verlaine, even a loose strand of hair was unusual. Rimbaud immediately knew something terrible must've happened.
"Paul, you...!" Rimbaud sat up, eyeing Verlaine who didn't seem to want to return his gaze. He silently walked, or rather stumbled, over towards the couch where his partner was sitting.
Rimbaud had never seen Verlaine act in such a way. Sure, he could come off as aloof from time to time, but today he didn't seem bothered to hide the fatigue he was feeling. Even his complexion seemed paler.
Verlaine then kneeled on the sofa, before his whole upper body flopped on top of Rimbaud, who let out a soft grunt at the impact. He tried to adjust his posture, but now that Verlaine was slumped on top of him he found it difficult to move.
"Are you alright?!"
"I'm..." Verlaine pushed his hat off his head, letting it fall to the ground by Rimbaud's shoes. "...I'm tired."
His umber eyes seemed unfocused, staring somewhere Rimbaud couldn't see.
"What happened to you, Paul?" The raven-haired couldn't help but feel concern bubbling inside him, and the question came off with more urgency than he'd intended it to. Not that it mattered- Verlaine never seemed to care about things like that.
Verlaine didn't answer for a moment, just letting out a breath that he seemed to have been holding in for a while. His face contorted into a slight grimace.
"...Paul?"
"...I don't want to talk about it now."
In spite of his worry, Rimbaud didn't press him further.
The room was bathed in a golden hue from the fire before the couch they were draped upon. It subconsciously gave a feeling of comfort to Rimbaud, who suddenly noticed how tranquil the atmosphere was despite the fact that he was trapped beneath Verlaine's roughed-up form. He realised that he wasn't shivering so violently now. He was still cold, of course, but Verlaine acted as a soothing source of warmth.
Rimbaud's gloomy eyes gazed down at Verlaine, whose eyes had closed by now. There was no blood on his person, of course, but his slightly dishevelled blonde hair and wrinkled clothing weren't any less cause for concern. For something or someone to have even a slight effect on a creature as powerful as Verlaine...
Rimbaud steadily moved his gloved hand and, after a moment of contemplation, placed it atop the back of Verlaine's head as gently as he could muster. Verlaine didn't react. Rimbaud let out a deep exhale, and cautiously ran a hand through his soft golden locks.
The small room the two were temporarily staying in, an apartment in an old Haussmann-style building located on the outskirts of Paris, was silent. They had become accustomed to moving around as frequently as their job required, and had never bothered to modify any of their living spaces to feel more homely. Rimbaud only cared about where Verlaine was, and Verlaine didn't see much merit in interior design. Yet, something about this place felt inherently intimate, or so Rimbaud thought.
"...Rimbaud?" Verlaine suddenly mumbled. Rimbaud cast him a glance, his face half obscured by blueish shadows while the other half glowed in the yellow light.
"Hm?"
"...I heard something in passing a few days ago," he began, almost as if he were unsure of his own words. "It was about love."
"Love?" Rimbaud creased his eyebrows, perplexed. If one were to ask him anything that Verlaine may bring up in conversation, love wouldn't have been in his first thousand guesses.
"Yes, love...I heard someone compare the concept of soulmates to the sun and the moon," Verlaine continued with a faint voice. "I don't quite understand it."
"Well..." Rimbaud's tone was slightly shaky. "You know the phrase 'opposites attract', don't you?"
Verlaine let out a small noise but Rimbaud couldn't tell whether it was affirmative or negative. Regardless, he continued.
"It means that two people who are different from each other are likely to have a better relationship. The 'sun' person would usually be more outgoing and cheery, while the 'moon' person is more introspective and quiet..." He bit his thin lip and then added, "Not unlike you, Paul."
Verlaine shifted slightly, his hand perching itself on top of Rimbaud's chest.
"Not unlike me...?"
"That's not to say that introspection and quietness are bad things," Rimbaud quickly spoke. "I just mean that...they're traits that suit you well. The 'moon' caricature as a whole suits you well, in fact."
"The moon..." Verlaine muttered to himself. "So far away from the rest of mankind...perhaps I am like the moon."
Rimbaud wanted to comfort Verlaine, to reassure him that he wasn't far away from anybody, especially not him, but the words wouldn't form on his tongue. He felt as if he should have been better at this by now; after all, it was far from the first time they'd had this type of conversation.
"If I am the moon then you're the sea." Verlaine suddenly announced, snapping Rimbaud out of his train of thought.
"The sea?" Rimbaud repeated, quietly. "...I don't understand."
"The sea is complex, full of mystery. You can never predict the force of the ocean's waves as they crash on the sand," Verlaine breathed, as if he were reading a poem. "You are deep and dark, Rimbaud. You're full of undiscovered secrets...and..."
He lifted his head up, lidded brown eyes staring straight into Rimbaud's. "We might be opposites, but I don't think you're a sun."
Rimbaud's breath hitched in surprise. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Verlaine's, whose tired gaze still burned right through him.
"Every day I survey you from afar and it feels almost like you glow when I look at you. How strange is that?"
The black-haired man couldn't tell whether or not Verlaine's question was rhetorical or not. Even if it wasn't, he probably wouldn't have been able to come up with a coherent answer. He was frozen in surprise, unable to break the tense silence between them.
Verlaine's hand moved from Rimbaud's chest to his cheek, gently cupping it while his thumb began to rub circles over his soft, pale skin. The blonde man seemed to be in some kind of fatigued haze.
"The saddest thing is how unattainable you are. But I know that if I were ever to fall..." Verlaine leaned forward, his breath tickling Rimbaud's face. "You would be there to catch me, wouldn't you?"
Then, without giving him the chance to answer, Verlaine brought his lips to Rimbaud's. His grip on Rimbaud's cheek tightened ever so slightly as he deepened the kiss, almost smiling when Rimbaud placed his hands on his back and squeezed.
"Paul-" Rimbaud tried to start when he pulled away, wanting to ask if they should be doing this or if it was really alright, but Verlaine just placed a finger to his lips.
"Shh..." the corner of Verlaine's lip turned up. Rimbaud's cheeks flushed red, and he quickly dove back into the kiss.
Aside from pulling apart for air every few seconds, the pair remained in their gentle embrace until Verlaine eventually pulled away, leaving Rimbaud breathless, and laid his head down on his chest.
"I'm tired, Arthur..." he said, before closing his eyes. Verlaine must've been exhausted- he never called Rimbaud by his first name. It made his heart skip a beat; something he hoped that Verlaine didn't notice.
With the state he was in, Verlaine probably wouldn't remember this in the morning. Rimbaud decided that unless he bought it up first, he wouldn't say a thing about it, no matter how much he wanted to.
And thus, the pair never spoke of that night again. 
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taglist~ ♡ @gettinshiggywithit, @fyodorhatr, @flower-of-darkness, @bejeweledgirl
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grymmnox ¡ 2 years ago
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weekly fic recs #29
hiiii totall forgot it was saturday whoopsies
fandom(s): bungo stray dogs, my hero academia, the owl house
ship(s): soukoku, shin soukoku, rimlaine, zenku soukoku (is that their ship name?? my memory sucks. mori n fukuzawa), kunikidazai, kunichuuzai (? kunisoukoku??? i like kunichuuzai better i think)
Oneshots
the importance of changing bandages; candy_cigarettes - bungo stray dogs
teen and up | 2.3k words | chuuya/dazai, chuuya & dazai | READ TAGS
summary:
"If they ever shared soft moments like this– Dazai humming a tune while Chuuya unwrapped his armor of bandages– Chuuya had forced himself to forget it.
Tonight felt like the first time Chuuya’s fingers were ever this gentle, especially brushing against Dazai’s bare skin; tonight felt like the first time Dazai allowed himself to be truly unwound."
or
Dazai gets drunk, and Chuuya does his best.
Anesthesia High; pickleurpickle - bungo stray dogs
teen and up | 4.1k words | chuuya/dazai, chuuya & dazai, dazai & kunikida, atsushi & dazai & kyouka
summary:
After getting his wisdom teeth removed, Atsushi and Kyouka are given the task of collecting Dazai after the surgery. Neither were expecting to find that an executive had beaten them to it.
Or, Atsushi and Kyouka watching Dazai and Chuuya interact gently with eachother for a change while coincidentally at the dentist
Morning Rolls Around; Bibliophile109 - bungo stray dogs
teen and up | 5.6k words | READ TAGS
summary:
Dazai struggles with depression—old news. But when it looks like his brain will kill him before he even gets the chance to fulfill Oda’s last request, he turns to drastic measures.
“Dazai’s memory has always been infallible; a steel trap, more machine than human, just like his ability to strategize and manipulate. Losing that certainty… is not something he takes lightly.”
Bird Bones in Spring; whatafunnythinglifeis - bungo stray dogs
teen and up | 26.7k words | chuuya/dazai, akutagawa/atsushi, ranpo & yosano, dazai & yosano, dazai & kunikida, kouyou & yosano, atsushi & ranpo, mori & yosano, dazai & mori, atsushi & kyouka, ADA & dazai | READ TAGS
summary:
In which Corruption has turned against its vessel's saving grace not once, but two times.
Chuuya struggles with Corruption and the effects of what he had done while in that state while Dazai tries to be more honest, and is encouraged to do so by those around him despite the possible consequences. Yosano gets tipsy so that she can face her problems without having a mental breakdown, and Atsushi tries to understand what's going on while trying to come to terms with the relationship that he has been developing with a certain mafioso.
Please keep the tags in mind!
June 19th, 23:59; bluemoonwisteria_fuji (wisteriafuji) - bungo stray dogs
general audiences | 2.8k words | dazai & kunikida, dazai/kunikida, ADA & dazai, dazai & mori
summary:
“Well, I suppose it’s only fitting,” Dazai muses, his voice awfully melancholic. “After all, birthday parties are reserved for those who are worth celebrating.”
“Don’t say that.” Kunikida nudges his partner. “You’re quite the handful. And yes, you’re shortening my lifespan on a daily basis. But, I have seen more than just the silly, childish side of you. I have seen a very caring and selfless man who willingly throws himself in danger’s way just to help people. And that Dazai deserves more than he’ll ever know.”
“You’re far too kind, Kunikida-kun.”
Or, the Agency decides to throw a surprise birthday party for Dazai, and Kunikida is assigned to keep him away from the office while the preparations are being made. Things go slightly awry because it’s Dazai and he just can't seem to have nice things. Or can he?
circle of praise; Oxalisalis - bungo stray dogs
teen and up | 1.8k words | ADA & atsushi, ADA & dazai
summary:
Within the agency, there is a secret, surefire way to boost low morale. Atsushi is about to experience it firsthand.
OR
Atsushi is feeling down, so the agency members work together to lift his spirits. Featuring aggressive praise, backhanded compliments, and one very embarrassed Dazai.
Silence Says More Than You Could Know; nakkacor - bungo stray dogs
teen and up | 2k words | ADA & PM, ADA & dazai, dazai & PM, atsushi & PM, ADA & atsushi, dazai & mori, atsushi & dazai | READ TAGS
summary:
“There will always be a place for you by my side, Dazai-kun.”
“There will always be a place for you in hell.”
-
Atsushi can smell feelings on everyone except Dazai, but in a time where Atsushi thought nothing could change as much as it has, it seems as if that will change too.
I miss you; Scarlet_Nin - bungo stray dogs
not rated | 3.7k words | ADA & dazai, dazai & oda, chuuya & dazai
summary:
“Why celebrate a day I am alive longer, when I want to die? Honestly, the image of some fat guy breaking into houses to leave presents is amusing. Are you Santa, Odasaku? You’ve done the same, haven’t you? Breaking into people’s houses undetected only with a small difference.”
Speaking of his own crimes is easier than speaking of Odasaku’s for reasons he can’t explain. They both know how much blood is on each other’s hands, so there is no reason to remind his friend. Wallowing in the past is wasted time, he doesn’t wish to have. Also, knowing what face Odasaku will make leaves the taste of his whiskey unsavory bitter on his tongue.
“I am.”
“Of course, that’s—wait, hang on, you are?” A single eye blinks, taken aback.
Heart to Heart; mostladylikeladythateverladied (orphan_account) - bungo stray dogs
teen and up | 1.4k words | chuuya/dazai | READ TAGS
summary:
He squeezed Dazai’s hand, then let go and moved to his injured leg. The blood was beginning to leak through the shoddy workmanship and a better wrap with some disinfectant was needed quickly. Still, Chuuya’s hands shook a little which forced him to slow down. Eventually, the bandages came loose and the bare skin beneath revealed their secret.
“...What is this?”
You Would Hold Your Cards Inside Your Chest; BloomingAlyssum - bungo stray dogs
teen and up | 1.1k words | dazai & ranpo
summary:
Ranpo and the newbie stop at a bakery on the way back from a case.
How Could I Trust Me With Anyone Else?; Magical_Bucket - bungo stray dogs
mature | 10.7k words | chuuya/dazai, ango & dazai & oda, chuuya & oda, ango & dazai, dazai & oda | READ TAGS
summary:
""But… Chuuya’s such a loyal dog, and dog's are known for their separation anxiety, right? What if Chuuya gets so unsocialized his tiny brain reverts to growling forever!" Dazai huffed and pouted at the ceiling, Ango couldn’t help but chuckle and shake his head. Oda simply sighed similarly to how a tired, disappointed parent would."
After a raid goes off the rails, Dazai jumps from a window to save Chuuya, landing them both in the hospital. This is fine, according to Dazai. What was not fine, however, was getting dragged to the hospital and separated while Chuuya's phobia mixed with his usual post corruption state existed.
Needless to say, Dazai is not happy about any of it.
close your eyes, have no fear (the monster is gone); boopiejokes - the owl house
general audiences | 2.5k words | eda & hunter, hunter & luz
summary:
Eda wasn’t all that shocked to find the post Golden Guard pressed up against the wall, gloved hands over his mouth and tears shining in his eyes in a need for comfort, even if he didn’t know it himself.
{ he’s on the run, and your momma’s here }
Completed Fics
Shayō; YunaYamiMoto - bsd/mha fusion
teen and up | 3 chapters | 21.1k words | chuuya/dazai, rimbaud/verlaine, dazai & mori, dazai & PM, chuuya & PM, hawks & miruko, aizawa & hawks, nezu & U.A. staff, all might & nezu, dazai & hirotsu, fukuzawa/mori, ADA & PM, LOV & shigaraki, akutagawa & atsushi, akutagawa & dazai | READ TAGS
summary:
The Symbol of Peace has retired and no other Hero could fill in his shoes, so the Hero-vs-Villains based society of Japan slides slowly from All Might's blinding light and takes a dip into the darkness and shadows of the night. Only to find a Demon staring back with a God of Calamity in his command and the power to make the Underworld outside of Yokohama tremble in fear.
Incomplete Fics
i'll die in his cold, cold arms; venusdahlia - bungo stray dogs
mature | 24/? chapters | 115k words | chuuya/dazai | READ TAGS
summary:
“Dazai-san, you’re staring.” Atsushi noticed, finding a spot over the railing next to Dazai. “Hm. I guess so.” He replied, not looking away from the rink. Just for a moment, the brunet’s eyes reflected the bright light from the overhead lights, a bright glow engulfing them. “It’s not that often I have the time to see you guys act so barbaric, it’s very entertaining.”
Atsushi gave the other a light shove. “Is that really what you’re here to see?”
Annoyed, Dazai moved his gaze with narrow eyes towards Atsushi. Before he could shoot back at him, a loud yell from the rink interrupted them. “THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT, YOU LOUSY PILE OF BANDAGES?!”
-
Where after losing a bet, Nakahara Chuuya, a skilled but short-tempered hockey player, is forced to train with Dazai Osamu , the most annoying figure skater he had the misfortune to meet.
The Edge of the Forest and Sea; inkygo, Volvihoney - bungo stray dogs
mature | 11/? chapters | 17.8k words | dazai/kunikida, chuuya/dazai, chuuya/dazai/kunikida, chuuya & dazai & kunikida, dazai & ranpo, atsushi & dazai, chuuya/kunikida | READ TAGS
summary:
“I’m sure your new plaything is too wrapped up in your lies to be out to get you, and you’d just pick my new lock anyways.”
“Chuu-chuu thinks so low of me!”
or After everything is resolved, Dazai is forcibly dragged to therapy by his boyfriend, Kunikida. Things are rediscovered that he would have rather kept buried.
Dazai Undercover; Bibliophile109 - bungo stray dogs
teen and up | 5/? chapters | 6k words | ADA & dazai
summary:
“I thought the new employee was recommended by the Special Abilities Department,” Kunikida says weakly.
The man waves his hand carelessly. “Yes, yes, Father knows someone there, it’s all very convenient. Say, would you happen to know when the lunch break is?”
-
Dazai puts a bit more effort into hiding his Mafia background from the ADA, and ends up pretending to be a spoiled rich kid.
a legacy of love; magicandlight - bungo stray dogs
mature | 17/? chapters | 30.5k words | chuuya/dazai | READ TAGS
summary:
He's been sick for weeks when he finally gives in and goes to a free clinic.
If it weren't for his promise to Odasaku, he wouldn't have bothered. Dazai would have just allowed whatever mysterious illness he had to kill him.
But he promised Oda he'd be better, and he hasn't done that yet.
Maybe it's cancer, he thinks. The symptoms technically fit.
(Spoiler: It's Not.)
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asachuu ¡ 1 year ago
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Alright, BSD/AO3-related “confession” time, although this shouldn’t have really become a confession.
While my works over on AO3 are occasionally quite dark, the full extent of which is entirely subjective, yet still one I could describe as such objectively, I do sometimes try to water a lot of it down out of fear I’m starting to sound “edgy for the sake of it”, as nonsensical as I personally find that description. Though I’m aware the thought process goes against what I personally believe on these matters, I still don’t want anyone to look at anything I write and assume it’s nothing but a mindless pile of brutality treated without proper seriousness and/or something to exaggerate for “no real reason”, and I often find myself worrying whether or not it’ll come off as such, even though I understand each author has their own visions and motives, me included, and not everyone will assume those correctly, nor will people ever universally agree on them, enjoy the content or even have the willingness to accept the mere existence of art that isn’t pure or sanitized, therefore one shouldn’t feel anxious over this when nobody owes any sort of explanation or justification for their creations to strangers anyway, but…let’s just say I’m still trying to get past that. Unfortunately, I suppose spending too much time around audiences who consider going into any type of ever-so-slightly darker territory in one’s works as an act only terrible, cruel individuals would do may have had its long-lasting effects…but I digress.
There was one work which was initially meant to be entirely unfiltered, “uncensored”, if I should say so, and that work was meant to be what would eventually become both A Second Chance and No Retakes, given the two are merely two varying iterations of an alternate universe I wanted to create for the ship I’m writing about. I suppose it’s the third, never spoken about version of it, and although there are four to five total versions as of today, this one in particular had almost made it through, had I not completely washed everything I were to include away just a few days before I got to writing my “first” fic. In fact, it was precisely the fully clean version which became A Second Chance; the series is essentially only different in its beginning, past and subsequently the way said past would affect what was happening, yet the more general events stayed intact, unlike No Retakes which is still not being too truthful to its original introductory disclaimer as of the last update.
Now, I felt like I had to tidy this one up, and if I am to be honest, it was mainly thanks to my only “enthusiastic” audience at the time always focusing on any sadder element of my writing and pinpointing how much it ruined the whole work, which was…a rather demotivating experience, aside from all else I could say about it. Considering this was a work I would be posting publicly with the intention of actually having others see it and associate it with this chain of accounts instead of someone’s random throwaway I could just ditch at any time, and not only that, this would also be something of great personal importance to me, I didn’t want to discard what I assumed to be my only chance at making something I could look back and be satisfied with. There is certainly far more to this story, but all that is to say, I didn’t want— and frankly couldn’t even afford— this to be dismissed as someone’s “horrible” work with such “unnecessary cruelty” in it, or however else it would have been described.
Even after a long time, after I had started publishing far more “risky” things, such as my whole Rimlaine-related series, and detached myself as much as possible from an audience which would ultimately never find any enjoyment in what I actually wished to be creating and would only serve to bring me down or make me dislike my own content, there was one thing I didn’t change my mind on, and that was feeling as though I still wouldn’t have been able to write the original concept of the ChuuArt series/fic/etc. I had in mind, even after everything I had written by that point and even after many chapters of No Retakes. In fact, I changed my mind a mere four weeks ago, which is the only reason I’m writing this.
If you’ve never heard me describe what the original consisted of, I’ll have to slightly disappoint you this time as I definitely don’t have enough confidence to actually state what it could have been, but as is probably very obvious, it wasn’t for the faint-hearted. I feel as though it’s no exaggeration if I say it was far more dark than every single Rimlaine fic I have ever written combined. I don’t believe I ever considered it “unreasonable” or any other such descriptor, not even when I was too afraid to write it, though— in truth, I sincerely believe both A Second Chance and No Retakes are extremely unrealistic and don’t represent practically anything I had been envisioning. Right now, I’ve decided to see if it’s possible for me to rework the outlines for the latter as it’s obviously very far from done and nobody apart from me would know what the original was meant to be, steering it a little bit closer to its long-lost predecessors, but even if I do manage to pull this off, the concept has been lost from the very beginning, and nothing can replicate it unless I somehow wholeheartedly try to overwrite people’s memories.
Of course, not stating it directly doesn’t mean I can’t imply it, and I will have to, just for the sake of what I’m trying to get at. The initial premise was always having Arthur survive the events of Fifteen, that much is obvious, and while there is one other version of the AU in which he survives on his own accord without any interference from the Port Mafia, the rest of them did require him to fall into the organization’s hands. Now, here is where I feel like ASC/NR completely fail at being anyhow logical, and this has hit me more than ever recently, though I’ll explain why afterwards, despite being somewhat confident that you could figure it out even without my input from here.
Naturally, there is absolutely no reason for Arthur to have been entirely safe and intact until meeting Chuuya in any iteration (…maybe aside from that one exception, but I think you’ll get what I mean more specifically), and no horrible living conditions I place him in are even remotely comparable to what I believe an organization such as the Port Mafia would do to a traitor if he were to be kept alive for any reason instead of immediately assassinated, as implied in Fifteen. I will give off somewhat plot-important spoilers here for No Retakes, so please beware, but NR tries to give some flimsy reasoning for this as I seemed to have become more and more self-aware of it while writing the initial outlines— I thought that perhaps, if Arthur regained his memories and could have potentially held some valuable information about other organizations, it would have made sense to try and keep him alive and well, and while it would have definitely been more straightforward for any PM member to just…let’s say…“standard-mafia-procedure” the information out of him, nobody would have had any reason to do that if he’d either been completely unconscious or he forgot everything again, right…? And one more “spoiler”, although it’s been slightly hinted at in the fic itself already and I heavily regret giving it such little relevance— even that much didn’t sit right with me, so he doesn’t escape entirely unscathed, but nonetheless, all of it is extremely tame, in my opinion. (Spoilers end) It feels more like a last resort to attain more realism points which simply aren’t really there, or so I believe.
The original, however, went all-out with this “realism” I so speak of, and I’ll just say that every variation of this AU has a five year gap between Fifteen and its present at the very least, but in both I’ve written about so far, Arthur isn’t particularly conscious for any of those five or more years. In that version, for one reason or another that hasn’t been properly worked on before being discarded and turned into one of the newer ideas, he’d been reluctantly kept alive, but not a soul would have given him the luxury of just leaving him be for ages until he would have most likely rotted away like in ASC, or until he’d woken up again like in NR. I believe everyone can have their own interpretation of my words here as I don’t even know how I would type this out in the first place, but essentially, at that point, Chuuya wouldn’t have simply carried him away for the sake of it or been tasked to watch over him, it’d be more of him just outright saving whatever was left of his life. I’m sure that anything one could imagine here would also lead to an obvious difference between how this AU’s Arthur would act, as opposed to both AU versions of him currently existing, yet to write all that simply felt…wrong. Not wrong because it didn’t make sense and felt like a pointless gore fest— the complete opposite, actually, but wrong as in, according to my mind and my mind only, something “too dark for AO3” or the BSD fandom as a whole. I probably would have had the tendency to overdescribe it as well instead of letting the reader make up their own mind, which would have added onto that factor, and I was too worried to even dare venturing there. Some of it certainly also had to do with fearing I wouldn’t be able to pull it off as a more amateurish writer, but it wasn’t the main driving force.
Now, anyone could sit here and tell me that my reason was complete bullshit, and I can’t believe I’ve only arrived to this conclusion myself so late. What led me to it, you may ask? Simple— Bungou Stray Dogs itself.
I’ve drafted this very post those four weeks ago when I changed my thoughts on these matters and just edited it to make it fit recent events, but at the time of writing this initially, I was only on chapter 40 of re-reading the manga, and that has been enough to convince me none of my fics, not even the original AU I had in mind, are “too edgy” for anything to do with BSD (and AO3, of course, I think that site has seen it all). Though I firmly believe no such thing even needs some kind of “justification” to be written in the first place, as for my observation, all of my harsher ideas would still be reduced to mere dust if compared to that or the light novels. There is not a single thing I could have ever written that would have gone “too far” by my own anxiety-driven standards, and even if I genuinely took that entire concept and wrote it to the full extent I’ve had in my mind, it would only be dreaming of being on par with something like Atsushi’s backstory or Q’s treatment, both of which are basically at the mere start of the manga. If not that, it would absolutely pale in comparison to the entirety of Stormbringer, for example, and if one was to put it simply, the amount of missing limbs, dead bodies, torture, on-screen and described gore in this series would make my own concepts…I want to say laughable, but it’d actually make them just a tiny bit more BSD-worthy.
Nothing I’m writing feels like BSD itself from this perspective, and I understand that I’m writing fanfiction— I’m in a space where people don’t always want to match the mood and tone of the media they’re making their own spin on, and there is not a single thing out of place if I make any of my works more toned down, peaceful and whatnot, but at the same time, there will also be nothing out of place if I don’t. Honestly, this may be somewhat clear already, but I don’t want to write works which are fully sanitized, clean and light-hearted only, and while yes, I believe a couple of those exist on my page, those aren’t meant to be the majority as that was never my goal to begin with. I didn’t even have one at first, but when I both actually tried to think of one somewhere along the way and reflected on all my old drafts and notes, the answer I got was to make the opposite of what I look for while browsing AO3 myself, ironically— as I don’t usually spend my time reading much, not even on there, I only ever read short fics that I can go through in one sitting which don’t leave me thinking about anything surrounding them and I feel as though I’ve read them from their true beginning to their true end, with the plot being only what was in the 4000 or so words I skimmed through rather than something much different, something I’ve only looked through a window into, and, simply put for what I think is my case, something far more pretentious than that, of course. Hopefully, there is no need for me to clarify I clearly do enjoy the shorter, less complex fics and am in no way trying to devalue them, they’re just not what I personally would like to write myself— I would be delighted if someday, I could feel as though I have created something which has a full, proper story in itself, and additionally, seeing as it’s BSD fanfiction, absolutely not have this story be one in which you could almost believe all the characters are regular office workers with rather mild problems in their lives. The only thing which is closest to this, yet which still fails to meet the former criteria, is probably all to do with Rimlaine that I’ve written, but that was not the initial plan, and now I’m seeing that it didn’t really have to be this way.
Not that I regret it too much, seeing as I could fix this if I truly wanted to— No Retakes was mostly born out of late regrets after I’ve fallen in love with that version of the AU and spent months wishing I had worked on it from the very beginning instead of having a thousand separate worries about it, all before I realized there were more people encouraging me to write it than people who would have insinuated I’d already written a ChuuArt AU and another “similar” one wasn’t necessary anymore. I could undoubtedly go back and show everyone one more of the originals, the one which would have rivaled every single work of mine in terms of just how dark it would have been, but I’m not sure whether it’s my ongoing WIP or general exhaustion stopping me more here, aside from the fact that I simply don’t have that much of a desire to do it when I could still try and pray to salvage said WIP a little bit and find a middle ground that doesn’t require me to start another project I will inevitably have no time to work on without getting too worn down.
Anyhow, I suppose I’ll get to looking through the outlines again, perhaps cut out some chapters on the way if I can and hope not to add more by accident. For better or for worse, while the reason should have probably been a bit different, I’m glad to be a bit less willing to censor half my works now that I’ve at least realized what media I’ve actually been using this whole time, and I’m hoping it will have some impact going forward as I really want to write what I alone want to write, not what people who don’t even care about my works want to see me create.
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yurislava ¡ 2 years ago
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lost focus and had a consensual workplace relationship
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asachuu ¡ 6 months ago
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You are a peculiar creature
On one hand you're actually funny sometimes and have responses to asks that make me giggle
and you're cooking something up with your art I think but then I remember who you ship and it's like "ohh yeah.... 😕"
And your take on Rimlaine is so???? interesting ????? I don't know how you got to that conclusion if science permits I'd climb into your head and see inside your brain- ethics aside
(I have read your entire like ten part doctorate level research paper on the ship but your points still evade me)
In conclusion I need to put you in a test tube and study you Pan style this is baffling
…and a good day to you as well, dear anon…?
Truth be told, I would not be severely opposed to being studied for science at this point, but I’m afraid that the results might be very underwhelming. Regardless, I do have to say, I shall be grateful for the compliments…and the fact you bothered to read my master thesis, your kind seems to be few and far between.
Anyway, I would have considered this amusing and moved on, but due to the fact that you do not seem as though someone shat in your cereal this morning, as opposed to several other anons stopping by in the past who are still most certainly reading this right now, I’ll throw in my two cents just because I can, and whether you feel like reading further is entirely up to you.
Really, my main point in my…doctorate, and also in general, is just the fact that in any other fandom, it’s likely that the thought of shipping two characters together who not only have a terrible relationship in their source material, but also who are based on a horrific event IRL, would be absolutely out of the question for so many moral reasons, but either the BSD fandom is extremely desensitized to these topics, or everyone’s too distracted by the potential thought of having more “doomed yaoi” out there to realize that it might not just be 100% fiction without any consequences this time. Regardless, that’s most of my argument, if I water it down.
And as for what I ship…I mean, you aren’t the first and you definitely won’t be the last to raise an eyebrow, but I usually don’t bother saying anything, mostly because basically all my textposts— even my whole essay— openly condemn the very obviously horrendous way it could be taken, and I assume that seeing that, plus seeing that I also draw a very recognizable design of Chuuya from the main BSD manga (you know, as opposed to the very recognizable design from Fifteen) and I go out of my way to explicitly clarify even more stuff in my fics about how I view it…I always just get the feeling that folks who manage to completely miss every single part of that are just here to stick my head on a pike as a recreational hobby instead of wanting to either ask me in a civil way and subsequently actually entertain my words for a moment or just block me entirely instead of harassing me and wasting their own breaths, and so far, I’ve been right each time.
Still, you haven’t come out here guns blazing, so I suppose I can just leave you with that much. I hope science enjoys my contribution, as I have not much else to offer, and I believe getting me into a test tube would be rather difficult.
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