#it was sth like that but i'm not entirely sure anymore

[innitmarvellous]

Wait, is that the radio theater thing he was on together with some famous (and rather snooty) actors that Paul mentioned in a HIGNFY episode? :O

[ame-to-ame]

there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them

[ravenkinnie]

top league moments according to me (definitely forgot most of them it's an old game)

1 every time they removed an extra map, essentially rendering the game to one whole map. when I tell people it's one map they look at me like IM crazy. sims 2 had more maps than league

2 some events were flops but some lines are peak, star guardian and the bilgewater one. even the ruination flop deserves some recognition because, while the event flopped, the book it spawned was, in fact, good so it cancels out

3 2018 KDA worlds performance where people were complaining that it feels like spent all their money on seraphine and couldn't finish rendering everybody else - shout out to the YouTube comment that said sth like "kaisas face... she's really got different DNA" it makes me laugh every time I remember. shout out to villain music video tho im willing to believe they JUST got out of that debt and went right back in because of how insane all the textures are in it

4 when jason spisak got cancelled for liking jilco tweets and then riot said he can't talk about them anymore cause it only causes problems. and then he dated a jinx cosplayer??? a lot of questions that will be left unanswered here

5 I know this is a new moment but the part of 'still here' cinematic with kindred - BANGER but particularly the part where tryndamere is looking at the lamb and the lamb transforms into ashe, literally felt my blood pump faster

6 this entire toy line WHO approved these faces I just want to talk

7 the entire unlocked line is amazing tho and I say this as someone who's been a comics fan for years and has to witness my faves being butchered into the ugliest action figures known to man constantly

8 seraphines launch.... just everything about it, from the vtubing to the rumors that the guy who made her based her on his ex

9 the fact that the lore is just a jumbo mix of different canons across the whole decade and they KEEP merging them so now arcane is on main canon despite not fitting any previous canon for both cities. also zaun somehow sunk into the ocean but its also above water level partially but still lower than piltover and I'm just not sure that's how oceans work. also part of noxian government is just a being called the faceless and they never specify who that is or what they do but I assume we will find out when they make a show about it in like 2030

10 this tweet

bonus shout out to kaisa for serving levels of cunt hostile to human life in POP/STARS, she's my fave KDA member and she gets the ugliest fucking models and the ugliest fucking backgrounds, i have to support her

[merlinfromberlin]

Theoretically, if I ever were to consider writing a TF One Shattered Glass retelling/continuation, I would definitely base it off of Animal Farm.

A few more details/ideas below the cut bc of TF1 spoilers.

Also, it's been a while since I've last read Animal Farm so I'm sorry in case I got any names wrong/am a bit wonky on the plot. I don't have my copy with me right now, so I can't look any of it up.

Characters

Quintessons = Humans Sentinel = The Farmer Orion = Napoleon D-16 = Snowball Elita-1 = The third pig (?) Various miners = the other animals

First Half of the Movie

The first part of the movie would largely stay the same except that Orion is not as naive or nice. Instead, he's clearly power hungry, he saves Jazz not bc he cares about his co-worker/friend dying but bc Jazz will be in his debt, he's looking for the Matrix not bc he wants to help the miners but bc it will make him more powerful and maybe even allow him to overpower Sentinel.

I think I'd even keep D's darker moments - he can still want to kill Sentinel, but I don't think he'd try to kill Starscream anymore. Mostly bc the High Guard's motto has changed to sth like "Together We Are Strong" (no, that's not a quote from Reinhardt in Overwatch - you are imagining things). Not yet sure if it's him or Orion executing Sentinel.

Pretty sure I would have them abandon Bee (who is slightly more bitter and jaded than in the movie) in Sublevel 50, though. Maybe it's even B-127 who wants to go back bc he is afraid of the things (punishments) that may be awaiting him in the outside world and they just let him, Orion maybe even convinces him that it's better to stay safe down there. This way, he has one less competitor for power. Then they move on and never think about it again. D might remember him later, once he's Megatron and banished and go back to get him bc he realises that that was very fucked up. But tbh. as much as it hurts my heart to treat my blorbo like that, I think it would be the best statement for the story if B just vanished from the story and we never get to see him again. Because this time they (Orion) are not out to actually improve stuff. They just want to change who's in power.

Rest of the plot till they return to Iacon stays largely the same for now.

Some more plot points:

The uprising of the miners/Orion leading them into battle? That's the Great Battle between Animals and Humans.

Sentinel's execution? That's the animals banishing the humans from the farm.

Orion receiving the Matrix ? That's the pigs taking control of the political system of the farm bc they are "best suited" to it. All seems to be fine and dainty for a bit. :) (Not yet sure how Orion would receive the Matrix. Not yet sure if he actually even gets it. If he does, it's not almost sentient like it is in the movie where it only bonds with good leaders. Instead it is just a pure power-up. Instead of Megatron, Orion gets the transformation/power-up scene.)

All the miners receiving T-Cogs? First Liberation of the Animals. All Animals Are Equal.

Optimus banishing Megatron (would happen later than in the movie - only after the first functionist rules have been introduced)? That's Napoleon banishing Snowball. We don't see Megatron (or the High Guard) again for the rest of the story.

Some more:

Not yet entirely sure what I would replace the windmill with. Maybe some sort energon refectory/distribution system.

The everchanging/vanishing rules on the farm? Some animals are more equal than others? That's OP and his governement slowly introducing more and more functionist rules.

It ends, rather suddenly, when one day one of the miners realises that oh damn, OP is barely distinguishable from Sentinel. Except instead of cogless miners we now have Functionism.

Maybe there is another racing scene with two new miners (Hot Rod, anyone?) And someone, maybe Jazz or a random NPC we met in the first chapters/during the first racing scene is like: Huh, when did we start needing miners again?

And that's it.

Maybe, if I'm weak, there'd be an epilogue/additional oneshot where we get to see B-127, Megatron & co. again and learn what happened to them. But at the same time, I think that would dramatically weaken the story. + It would be depressing af bc they are not in a good place.

[theprogrockbstheorist]

Hello!

I know that in this blog, you mainly analyse the prog music and don't care much about some things in the prog world that aren't music-related. However, I wanna know your opinion on this...

Why is prog rock such a male-dominated genre?

Even though most people say that rock music in general is male-dominated, this statement isn't that true anymore. Because female rock musicians are becoming more. Yet, when you look at the world of prog rock, there are only and only male musicians. And also, back in the 70s, the fans of this music were mostly young men as well.

Why do you think this has happened?

If one day, a prog rock band gets formed with all members being women or even a band that its members are all genderqueer or sth like that, will they get the attention that they deserve and be noticed just as much as the all-men bands? Or do you think that'll start an era in the world of prog where critics don't care about the music itself anymore and just talk about sexism??

This is a great question, and while I do primarily focus on the music and the artists themselves, one cannot overlook the cultural factors at play in progressive rock.

It's very difficult to explain why progressive rock in particular is such a male-dominated genre. Firstly, one would have to investigate if there really are fewer female and/or genderqueer prog musicians than in other subgenres of rock, or if that's simply public perception due to being perceived as having a largely male fanbase. As for why prog appears to have a largely male fanbase, that's an equally difficult question. Are there really more male prog fans than female and/or genderqueer prog fans, or are they simply more vocal about it, and more likely to go to concerts?

From what I'm aware of, there haven't been any large studies on fans of progressive rock and their demographics, so that's more or less impossible to answer whether there are actually fewer female and/or genderqueer prog fans and musicians, or if it's just public perception. However, the fact that prog fans and musicians are largely assumed to be male is an interesting occurrence in and of itself, and that may be rooted in sexism.

The reason why it may be rooted in sexism is that prog typically strays from your typical pop song topics of love and emotions, and so it is assumed that women must not be interested in that. This builds this culture that assumes women aren't going to be present at progressive rock concerts or on online forums, because why would they be interested? This could ironically drive away female or genderqueer fans that might otherwise be interested in the genre.

As for the issue of female musicians, there are a few from the 1970s! Annie Halsem of Renaissance, and Tal Wilkenfield, who played bass with Jeff Beck, are the first two that come to mind, however, there are many more that often do get overlooked, perhaps because of the assumption that there aren't any women in prog. I, for one, am an aspiring female prog musician myself, so I've actually thought about this quite a bit, and I'm not quite sure how the prog community would react if a major band was formed consisting of entirely female and/or genderqueer members. I'd imagine that many older prog fans would have a hard time calling them prog, instead calling them "art-rock" or "prog-adjacent", unless they were playing stuff that sounds like it came out of 1972. However, I'd like to be optimistic and hope that the focus would be on their music rather than on their gender(s).

Honestly, this is a topic that I'd like to do some more research into, as well as looking into related topics such as queer representation in prog or BIPOC representation in prog, so thank you for bringing it up!

[writerracha]

OKAY GONNA START SCREAMING

I think wish you back, like volcano, contains a deeper meaning besides missing a lover. THE ENTIRE SONG IS A EUPHEMISM FOR WANTING YOUR OLD/CHILDHOOD SELF BACK SHSHDJDJEK TELL ME IM WRONG

firstly, the chorus. "you were my story" is his younger self, his past self, which is why it's his story - it's his life. he gathers those memories and looks at the photographs of him when he was younger, and cherishes them because he can't go back. he's reminiscing about the past, the good times that he once had, when he had no worries and was happy.

the first verse is even more obvious: maybe he's going through something, or in the process of growing up, he slowly lost the sense of carefreeness and happiness he once had. and it makes him think back to those times when he still had those feelings. he wonders if he'll lose that memory, too. "put your small hands together" is an even more obvious hint that he was a kid then. "in the days when every moment was beautiful and splendid" is EXACTLY the feeling you have as a child where you're not consumed by worries and anxiety. "you were the main character in the movie called me" JUST CONFIRMS IT. because ONLY HIS PAST SELF CAN BE THE MAIN CHARACTER OF HIS MOVIE AHSJEKKEKE

and he says that even if he travels around the world, fill his mind with other thoughts, he can't outrun it, because this feeling is inside of him. he can't escape it.

he wishes his old self back. he's tired of "sitting in a room all day long and turning off the light". he doesn't feel okay, but he knows that he can't go back to the past. you can't rewind time, and even though maybe his past self made a promise to himself to not be defeated, it falls forfeit when he had to say goodbye to his past self as he grew up.

and even though he knows this, he's still holding out for a chance that one day, he can be as happy and carefree as his past self was again. he looks at the picture of his younger self and himself right now, and he wants to be able to see himself smile so brightly again in the mirror. he doesn't want to feel this way anymore. so he holds out hope, and waits.

IDK IT COULD BE A SONG ABOUT A LOVER THAT GOT AWAY OR STH,, but idk the lyrics are kinda way too ambiguous for me to think that way, especially the parts about the main character of his movie ajsjsnsm

OKAY BUT ALSO IF WISH YOU BACK IS ABOUT HIS PAST SELF CLOSE COULD BE ABOUT HIS FUTURE SELF AHSJJSKWKS OK ILL STOP

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE AND I ADORE YOU FOR THIS. I CANT TELL YOU YOU ARE WRONG!!!!!

I absolutely love this analysis. Because I truly believe Jisung is very good at self exploration and introspection HOW CAN HE NOT BE. This man overthinks everything I'm pretty sure about it and his medium is song writing. SO DEFINITELY!!!!!!!! That makes so much sense I don't even know what to tell you except stand up and CLAP

i think all of his songs have double, triple, multiple meaning, it's the beauty of his story telling, he writes about so many things so you can apply it to what speaks to u. that's also just good narrative skills in my opinion. if your story is too obvious it can be good but for me somethng that is open to interpretation is even better, and ji does that so perfectly he understands that i think. or if he doesn't he's just a genius WHICH IS ALSO TRUE

like definitely a past self. his past self. but also his other selves?? all the people he could have been?? and sometimes you change but you want to get that person back??? "the photo engraved in my heart"... i also love how he's able to portray that when we miss someone (or ourselves) it is triggered by things in our day, it doesn't happen in the same manner. it's about being haunted by something but also "you're on my mind MORE TODAY" like. some days you wake up and you're inhabited by something. and that speaks to it SO MUCH. and THE WAY HE SINGS THAT DESPAIR AND FEELING HIS VOICE SENDS ME EVERY GODDAMN TIME THERE'S SO MUCH IN IT AOISFHASF

i also love that he talks about missing something and that it hurts and that we accept this hurt because missing someone also means we care, we love, we are human. and that's so beautiful. THE HUMANITY IN HIS SONGS

I mean I can imagine how someone like Ji could miss previous days... it must be a tough life sometimes, going back to being "carefree" or being "no one"... I get that. That makes me emotional because it's not that he doesn't like his life now, missing our younger self is not about hating our life now, it's just about nostalgia and that's so ok. ANYWAY WOW I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS FOR SO LONG IMMA STOP NOW but thank you for sharing that. truly. i appreciate it so so much, thank you for trusting me with your thoughts

LOTS OF LOVE

(CLOSE NEXT?????)

[astrolavas]

Here's an ask for you to talk about any Hunter thing you want to talk about

THIS IS A PERFECT ASK THANK U LMAO i'm gonna use it up now..

been thinking abt all the instances where hunter's shown almost crying but never actually lets himself cry

just. growing up in the emperor's oven and being raised by belos and, in general, going through everything that he went through, he HAD to learn how to completely hide and mask his negative emotions. and it's not sth u can just.. UNLEARN at once.

showing vulnerability in the emperor's coven...... was definitely not sth you could just do, and definitely not a good idea. like, especially in belos' presence, hunter had to learn how to school his emotions and very carefully choose how he presented himself, for his own safety.

and even the coven members themselves; i can't imagine most scouts would react positively if any saw him cry. or even if USUALLY someone crying wouldn't be such a big deal, hunter definitely wouldn't have let himself do that. growing up powerless, he already had to struggle with being seen as less just for not having magic and he had to work twice as hard to be even a little respected. and, as we see in asias, he still isn't treated seriously by most covenheads; part of it COULD be his age but his lack of magic definitely played a big role in how he's perceived as well. in his situation he just.. couldn't afford to let himself appear as vulnerable, at all; even if others had that luxury. he'd rather mask that with anger than show sadness.

just, he was always kept to an impossibly high standard by belos and by his own need to be as helpful as he could, making himself appear as perfectly capable, a-okay, confident and just doing GREAT. which.... we all know he usually isn't doing as well as he likes to pretend he is.

but even if he didn't try to appear as such anymore and wanted to fully open up, after years of having to endure lots and lots of stuff, he just... most likely got used to a lot of it as well. after YEARS of the same bad things happening to you, you just become numb to some of it. dealing with belos, being the golden guard, working at the emperor's coven, having no support or friends, and every other thing he had to go through everyday throughout his entire life; after dealing with so much stuff for so long, you have to cope with it somehow.

numbness/being more resistant to certain things happening and just generally.. having a hard time acknowledging that you're not doing okay, not crying easily, not wanting ppl to pity you, the tendency to avoid confronting your feelings....... all of that can be seen as hunter's trauma response as well as a self-defense mechanism. and now that he's NOT in the emperor's coven anymore, even though he technically SHOULD be able to open up as he realizes he's safe around his friends, it's not gonna come easily to him.

because deep down he feels a LOT, many things constantly, but he's learnt how to deal with that in his own ways and he's been living in this state of having to act like nothing's wrong for Years; so those small moments in which he willingly opens up.. are a lot for him for sure

i can say with full certainty that he DID cry after hollow mind, once he got to hexside and let himself feel everything he felt and process everything he found out. he COULD because he ran away, hid, and was safely stored away from everyone's prying eyes. he cried it all out and THEN he could buuuury all those negative emotions deep down and pretend everything's fine once again, and appear totally "fine" (not fooling anyone though) when he stumbled across gus.

nevertheless, there were SO many moments in which his eyes teared up and he definitely wanted to cry, but he didn't. he's locked all those sad feelings away and it just makes me wonder whether the dam is eventually going to break, and once it all accumulates, once something becomes his last straw and EVERYTHING he's kept hidden for so long finally spills out of him, and the tears come again but this time don't get stopped in time. this would be a BIG moment for him; a sad one but also.. quite cathartic, in a way.

just............ thinking, y'know

[mittensmorgul]

As a European who has been fine with their Samsung for over 4 years now: Why do most Americans keep buying the highly expensive iPhones? I mean I know it to be a status symbol, but there's gotta be sth else right?

i honestly can't speak for anyone but myself, and I'm sure people have a million reasons, but let me clear up one huge misconception here: the iphone and the samsung phone are literally the exact same cost here. so this whole notion that iphones are just super expensive compared to android phones (at least comparing current gen phones available in the US) is just flat wrong.

I used to have a samsung phone, too! like four phones ago lol. I switched to the iphone 6 when it was the current model for one reason: I used to use an ipod. ALL my music was (and still is) on itunes. I don't mean I buy music on itunes, I mean I sat there and ripped over a thousand cd's to itunes. It took like a week. I didn't want to do that again just to have access to my own music on my phone when my old ipod broke and they just weren't being made anymore because everyone just put their music on their phones. And samsung didn't offer an easy way to transfer my entire itunes library to it. They still don't.

So I grudgingly switched to iphone. When that phone died, I got an 8, and when my 8 died this past spring, I got a 12. But I was SERIOUSLY considering getting the Samsung phone instead at that time (again, it was the exact same price as the iphone and perfectly comparable in every other way). Still, it was the music library that was my final sticking point, and I got the iphone.

I mean at a point you're invested in things that make the phone functional for you. Having paid for apps and stuff that would essentially be worthless on an android and have to be re-purchased from the google store... well, it just becomes an annoyance to switch, and phone manufacturers count on that. (yes, even Samsung)

There's other contributing factors, too. I mean, i know android has apps that do things comparable to apple's facetime, but when everyone else in the family has iphones it's just easier to communicate on the shared platform, you know? That's less of an issue in the era of zoom calls but it's still a sticking point for some who are just used to their long-standing tech versus "learning something new." (lol I'm looking at my mom here... we're all just shocked she learned how to use facetime at all. and since I haven't been able to actually see her in person in 2 1/2 years because of this stupid plague, it's nice to actually be able to see her on my phone once in a while...)

it's not a status symbol, more like the status quo in a lot of circles. Like I doubt I'd ever be able to get my mom to switch, just because she doesn't care enough to bother to learn new tech. but for me, for whom it was always really a matter of "i want my music with me without having to pay again to listen to it, or pay for spotify which pretty much every musician will tell you is killing the music industry" (but that's a rant for another post) it's the grudging acceptance that i should probably invest some time in finding an alternative for music that I can live with versus continuing to use apple products going forward.

But the way most cell phone plans work in the US is also set up to lock you into a contract with your provider by using the financing plan of your phone purchase to keep you stuck there for x number of months. I happened to get a REALLY good deal on the cost of the phones, but only if I financed them for 30 months. If I try to pay off the account sooner (which I wanted to do at the time of purchase) or switch to a new carrier before my contract is up, I will have to pay the entire cost of the phones, not the extremely deep discount cost I'm getting by paying the monthly financing. so instead of the $400 I'll pay total for each phone over the course of the contract, I'll have to pay about $900 per phone plus the penalty cancellation fees for each phone (which I think is $300 per phone, because again, we have three phones on our family plan). I just can't afford to be hit with that fee all at once and then immediately also buy ANOTHER new phone while these three phones still function. So like... kudos to people who can afford that sort of pointless protest, but apple will not be hurt by that lil bit of performance art, you know? It's the high tech and very expensive equivalent of "boycotting" starbucks by buying a coffee using the name "merry christmas" to force the starbucks employee to say merry christmas to you. Or protest-buying Lil Nas X sneakers just to burn them or whatever. It's fucking stupid.

One way or the other, Apple already got my money here. There's enough e-waste in the world that I'm not gonna just throw this perfectly functioning device in the trash on some moral statement against the company that made it. I will, however, loudly complain about Apple's draconian morality crusade, and as a customer that likely carries more weight than the same complaints issued by people not even directly affected by those terrible policies.

[ndtransaspeccultureis]

heyy sorry to bother you but I'm struggling with sth and I wanted to share it with someone.

I think I'm neurodivergent. I identify with both adhd and autism symptoms and a lot of nd experiences

but I haven't told anyone because I'm scared they will not believe me (so I have kind of told all the things to myself beforehand)

I also don't want to be a burden to my family who will have to pay for the diagnosis medication ect

and what if it turns out I'm just lazy?! and I've wasted everyone's time and money?!

sorry for the lateish reply, im not always the best with words. anon you dont need to tell anyone, not if you arent ready and especially not if you think the people you would tell would hurt you for it, physically or emotionally. as for not being a burden, you arent a burden, even if youre entirely reliant on other people for the rest of your life you arent a burden, not on society and not on them, not if they truly care about you. and on worrying that youre just lazy, i was professionally diagnosed with adhd and am as sure as one can reasonably be that im autistic and i still feel like that sometimes, its normal, regardless of diagnosis status, but the important thing to remember is that if you really were lazy you wouldnt be so distressed by your inability to function the same, itd be a choice you made, not something youre bothered by, and if you remind yourself of this enough you wont even think about it anymore, im not quite there yet but the same has worked for other things and thats just the way brains work. but at the end of the day, all i can promise you is this, no matter what decisions you make, its going to be hard, but it will get better, i swear.

[sayruq]

LOL Why do Dany stans & Arya stans think Sansa stans are the most toxic part of the fandom, or everyone hates us etc? Dany stans have such notoriety that even people who aren't in Got/Asoiaf fandom know them, they are like "ugh dany stans are at it again" when they see their moots getting attacked. IDR who it was but one of those podcaster/youtuber big names referred to them as Emilia Clarke pic brigade or sth 😂 b/c of how their mentions were flooded with Dany stans. (And for what? As always for discussing her canon actions, and saying they foreshadow her bombing KL. It's not just us now anymore btw, general fandom and most bnfs jumped on the bandwagon, they all agree she'll burn kl, tho they insist on being an idiot about it with thier "ooh she'll do it accidentally, then she'll regret so much that she'll give her life fighting against others" dumb take.) And as for Arya stans, b/c of their vitriolic "criticism" of Sansa they also gained a notoriety. During this year's Asoiaf march madness on twitter, people who never met them before were shocked how hateful they were towards Sansa. Google "Arya Stark and the Bad Fan", there is an old article from 2014. The Bad Fan is for referring to fans of morally gray/immoral male characters like Walter White, how their fans constantly justify their actions and attack the characters that stand in the way of their fave, and critics who criticize the characters. OP argues that Arya has attracted same kind of fans, but in her case since she doesn't have a wife for her fans to target, Sansa fulfills that role for them. And ofc just to prove OP wrong, Arya stans reacted exactly expected 🤦‍♀️😂 The notes on that post are hilarious. (Asoiafuni reblogged it at first, then they chickened out b/c of Arya stans raising hell and deleted it. And they are shocked to be called bad fans, smh. They behaved exactly what the article says how these sort of fans behave.)

And in a fandom like this WE are the problem, really? I've never seen anyone complaining about Sansa stans like that. Only antis. (and r/freefolk ofc but I'm happy to be hated by those incels) But then again according to them making canon!Dany edits, writing metas on Dany's descent is toxic. I'm sure they see us saying Sansa will be QiTN as Arya hate too, the epitome of toxic behavior. It's weird to see they aren't just delusional about the books and fictional characters, but about real life situations too.

honestly i think they say it because they think we care or it hurts our feelings to learn that the fandom doesn’t like us. it’s so funny to me because how do you interact with the sansa fandom and think the got/asoiaf fandom matters to us? we operate like sansa is from an entirely different property.

still you’re not wrong.

[stray-tori]

TPN Vol 8 - Chapter 62-65 First Thoughts

note: some of the content here might be redundant with standalone posts. I sometimes add in thoughts when I get them later.

when geezer's thoughts said "thats not it" it reminded me of his attack in vol 7 where he said "that's not true", and I was honestly expecting for Lucas that it would be "you need to shut up" and im kind of disappointed that it wasn't bc that would have been so emotional jesus christ

also, that his name is blurred out.... I have a hard time believing its just meta, so do you think he's actually forgotten his name or sth? i feel like you could have easily just not have him say his name then like whats the point of putting it there just to blur it aside from trolling your readers i guess

and your anime-onlies who know his name but have agreed not to name-drop so it's just suffering now pff-

.

it's a hunting ground for nobles, huh? how do you know? Aren't the nobles also in charge of the farms? So they... follow the promise by doing production but then ALSO...... give children to a hunting ground? (but I guess only humans can break the promise so IHDKJKDS OKAY THEN-)

Like there's the two options here:

it's a SECRET hunting ground - the children there are escapees + probably the stolen children Sonju has mentioned he hears about. But demons PROBABLY can't steal from the highest farms right and we've heard that the children in the mass production farms can't even TALK, much less be fun to hunt (now, of course, the validity of Sonju's claims is starkly questioned by geezer-senpai's existence to begin with; so it might just be unreliable exposition).

it's a "secret" hunting ground - escapees are captured and more children are given to the hunting ground by the farms. This could be to appease the demon nobles who "want to hunt humans", so they don't cause problems for the power system the farm nobles have build up. And the "stealing children" is just a cover up for the public (would make sense with the IMMENSE security farms have AND would lign up with what Sonju said not being the entire truth)

IF option 2) is the case, it would imply that not EVERY child shipped out would be gupna'd on the spot (and instead delivered to a hunting ground) - I have accepted it as the procedure but actually, we've only confirmed it with Conny. the only other case we could have - Norman - wasn't seen being gupna'd.

But what doesn't make sense to me is that: the nobles want their highest grade meat, right?

So two options again: 1) there's 2 groups of nobles - ones that just eat them gupna'd and one that wants to hunt them (GP) - OR 2) there is only one group, the latter.

That would be easy to think about but is probably not the case. not every gourmet wants to kill it himself.

And while I think it'd be more reasonable for the farms to be in on it, I think it causes an inconsistency: If escapees get captured by GP, it'd have to be in secret because there's no way the nobles would let up on their meal, right? UNLESS every high quality meat ends up in GP and GP is just what is referred to as the "tifari ceremony" by grandma Sarah. I'm not sure if that is the case though, especially because "the 3 can be shipped out as scheduled" but Emma's birthday hasn't happened yet so she'd not be there normally by now.

IT COULD BE completely off of the farm nobles, but I just have a hard time believing they'd never notice the hunting grounds NOR notice any BIG DEMON, yknow, swooping over the fence and stealing a CHILD. IDK haha- it seems like it'd be a lot smarter to just give them food voluntarily to avoid possible chaos.

But maybe not the highest grade and that's why they're also always on the lookout for escapees - which I STILL THINK aren't common enough to warrant keeping an eye on the ENTIRE territory and which demons are regenerated a lot BUT HEY THAT'S JUST ME. So they are appeased by the government (essentially) but they also keep highest grade escapees on their own terms.

or maybe I'm wrong and escapees really ARE common enough to fill an entire hunting ground. But if that is the case, it DEFINITELY is behind the farm nobles' back (unless they're all part of it).

SO MANY UNLESSES HELP. my brain is melting.

.

it's sus! It's also quite sus because the promise is to "not hunt each other anymore" BUT humans are the only ones who can break it? It seems so in favor of the demons, but the HUMANS had the UPPER HAND- so what gives? Maybe the promise is something inherently tied to demons, so without them it couldn't exist at all and that's their "upper hand" in the deal?

.

these goddamn adults man

[andcontemplation]

I saw your pic of Winona and Helena and I was wondering if you could do a short ficlet of maybe young Joyce discussing her fling/friendzone/love with Hop with her older sister cause hell she's desperate about it

Like the sister could ask her out, give advice, tease her about it, they could talk about each other's experiences or Joyce could even ask her for advice cause she's afraid to fuck things up if it gets physical

I'm not a writer so I'm leaving all my ideas here, I'd love if you wrote this but don't worry if you're too busy or sth

Dear Anon -- I don’t normally take many fic requests because I’m such a slow writer, but this one just sprouted fully formed from my brain the moment I read your ask! It still took me a few days to get after since life got busy for me. It also turned out to be about 1400+ words so I’ve pasted below under the cut. I’ll be uploading it to Ao3 soon too when I get a chance :) I’d be happy to dedicate it to you if you feel comfortable dm-ing me your username on Ao3. Thank you for sending it along!

"Hey, you! What's wrong?"

Joyce nearly jumped out of her skin at the disembodied voice that called out from the empty bedroom -- or at least, the bedroom she thought was empty. She turned on a dime, clutching for her heart. Joyce might’ve been sixteen going on seventeen, but she was far too young for a heart attack.

"Jesus!" She gasped at the familiar figure sitting at the edge of the bed. "I didn't know you were home."

"Ma didn't tell you I was coming home for Thanksgiving?" Stella stopped unpacking the small duffle at her feet and raised an eyebrow at her sister.

Joyce sighed and leaned against the doorframe.

"Ma's not even here! She went to Chicago this morning with her new beau."

"Color me surprised," Stella deadpanned, throwing the pair of socks down on the bed in disgust. "Which one? Tom?"

Joyce shook her head.

"Randy. Tom was married."

Stella rolled her eyes and reached for another handful of clothes.

"Of course he was," she snapped. "How does she keep falling for that same old line?"

Joyce only shrugged and toed the door jamb, waiting for her sister to invite her into her room.

They hadn't seen much of each other since Stella ran off at sixteen to live with her boyfriend in Philadelphia, almost two years previous, and as the months and then the years passed by, Joyce felt more and more distant from the sister she grew up with. It was beginning to feel like eons had passed since they would spend all their days together, playing dolls and dress-up in that exact bedroom, performing plays for the neighborhood kids in the backyard or riding their bikes downtown to go try on perfume and makeup at the five and dime.

Joyce was still a little miffed at Stella for running off and leaving her behind with their mother and not taking Joyce with her when she left. It didn't seem fair that she had to stay when she was the baby -- the baby with the most responsibility -- the one who ended up making sure Ma didn't go completely off the rails, dependent on the bottle again or running off with a third husband. The resentment Joyce still carried always made her forget just how much she missed having her big sister around and how much she still needed her.

Stella looked up from her duffle bag and saw Joyce standing there, looking at her with big, red-rimmed eyes.

"Sorry Ma skipped town. I'm glad you're home," Joyce said, meaning it.

Stella's frown melted, and she dropped the clothes in a heap, patting the bed beside her.

"I am too. Now tell me what's wrong."

Joyce sighed deeply.

"Nothing. It's stupid."

"Boys?" Stella asked with a knowing grin.

Joyce sighed again, and her eyes fluttered up to the ceiling, embarrassed at the degree of stupidity she was feeling that very moment. She willed herself not to cry over him.

Stella pushed Joyce's bangs out of her eyes and off her cheeks, where they stuck to pale skin, and gave her little sister a look. But instead of imbibing confidence, it just made Joyce want to cry more.

She made a face and sucked in a breath before letting it all out.

"Karen and I saw Hop behind the bleachers with one of the cheerleaders today at lunch."

Stella's eyebrows shot up.

"Oh. Which cheerleader?"

"Chrissy Carpenter. That bottle blonde bubble-headed... bimbo!"

Joyce glared out the window and across the street at the edge of Hopper's front lawn, the only piece of his house she could see from that angle.

Stella choked back a giggle when she noticed how intensely Joyce was staring.

"Woah. That's some serious alliteration."

"Yeah, well," Joyce grumbled and shrugged. "I'm upset."

Stella went back to emptying out the rest of her bag, but not before throwing her sister a loving look.

"I can see that. But I thought you and Jimmy were just friends?"  

"We are!" Joyce finally dragged her eyes off his house and pouted at Stella before trailing off. "It's just that…"

"Oh come on," Stella said and ruffled Joyce's bangs. "You know you can tell me!"

There was another eye roll from Joyce.

"I just thought that something had changed between us this year. Maybe... Oh, I don't know anymore."

Then she clammed up.

Stella walked over to the window, took out a pack of Slims, and lit one up before opening the window a crack.

"Know what? Spit it out, sis!"

Joyce couldn't look at her older, prettier, more elegant sister, sitting there smoking at the windowsill like some french model who could have any man she wanted -- wrapped around her little finger. Joyce wished she could only look so mod and in charge.

Instead, she felt pathetic for pining after the boy across the street.

"Well," she started, flopping back on the bed, finding it easier to confess without having to worry about seeing the look of judgment cross Stella's face. "He'd been acting weird since we went camping this last summer. Then I realized by the second week of September that he was over here almost every night. At first, he said he needed help with his schoolwork because he really wanted to graduate, and since we're in all the same classes, it made sense, right? But by October, he was coming over for the dumbest reasons, and then I started to think he was gonna ask me to the homecoming dance. Like, I was so sure he was gonna do it. A few times, actually. But it was like he chickened out or something."

Stella held up a hand to pause Joyce there, even though Joyce couldn't see it.

"Waitaminute. Didn't you say on our last phone call that Lonnie Byers asked you out that night?"

"Yep, and what a date that was." Joyce rolled her head to the side and looked at her sister with a scowl.

Stella smirked, tapping the end of the cigarette out over the eaves.

"I warned you about him."

"Yeah yeah, I know: 'Lonnie Byers is scum.' But I'm pretty sure we're talking about Hop here?"

"Pardonne Moi! Please... continue."

"So, he seemed a bit distant after homecoming, but he'd still come over to study sometimes, and I'd catch him staring at me. It almost looked like he wanted to kiss me or something. And one day during gym, he told me I looked pretty when I knew for a fact I was a sweaty, frizzy mess. I guess it got in my head because I started to think, well maybe I want him to kiss me. And maybe I like him too? I was gonna tell him this weekend. I had it all planned out. But then he runs off and swaps spit with Chrissy, and now here I am, crying over a dumb boy. Stupid, stupid me."

Stella put the last bit of the cigarette out and moved back to the bed, pushing Joyce's legs out of the way.

"Not stupid," she said. "Just young and in love."

Joyce sat up on her elbows, nose turned up in protest.

"Gross. I am not!"

"You are." Stella chuckled.

Joyce frowned as she slowly realized her sister was right and succumbed to her lovesick fate.

"I am, aren't I?"

"'Fraid so, my dear."

"Cripes -- this sucks!”

"Oh, don't worry." Stella smiled. "I know just the thing to fix a broken heart! Ma might not be around but we can still have fun. What’s say we stay up late, paint our nails, eat our way through an entire tub of ice cream and I can give you some pointers for when you find yourself a real man. You'll be over that silly Hopper boy in no time."

"But what if I don't want to be over him?" Joyce whined, feeling sick for even thinking it let alone admitting it out loud. He was her best friend, since before they could walk, and those feelings had remained strictly platonic but lately, she couldn't imagine being without him, let alone sharing him with anyone else. Especially bottle blonde bubble-headed bimbos.

Stella held her hand out to Joyce and helped her sit up.

"Trust me, sis. It's for the best. Boys like Jim and Lonnie will ruin you for life. You belong with someone sweet and kind, who won't rush you before you're ready…"

Joyce scoffed.

"Boys like that don't exist!"

"Sure, they do!" Stella nodded. Then she had an idea. "Say -- isn't there a Sadie Hawkins soon?"

"Yeah, the Snowball," Joyce said, cluing in, trying not to look too excited. "You think I should ask Hop?"

"No!" Stella sighed. "I'm saying you should ask a nice boy to go with you."

"A what?"

"Think of the nicest, and well... let’s say the nerdiest guy in your class, and ask him to the Snowball. Not Lonnie or Hop! No more bad boys who play ping-pong with your heart."

"No, no way!" Joyce shook her head and dove headfirst into the pillows. "I am not asking Bob the Brain!"

Stella threw her hands up in the air.

"Fine, be miserable and alone forever then. See if I care!"

"Fine!" Joyce shouted, muffled by the pillows before dissolving into a fit of giggles as her sister beat her over the head with another frilly embroidered pillow.

"I'm glad you're home," Joyce said when she caught her breath.

"Me too, sis," Stella said. "Me too."

[clumsyclifford]

i sincerely apologise for taking so long to answer this but i'm just so tired all the time that i simply don't have the energy to be a communicating human being anymore.. how've you been?

ooh how niice i'm very jealous now i want such a long break from uni too 🙈

dreidel actually sounds very fun though i have follow up question what decides who wins it? like do you have to get everybody else's coins(/m&ms) or is it decided by sth else?

also i hope you enjoyed your donuts!

oh that's so cool!! is the oil burning connected to the candles on the menorah too? (i'm not entirely sure if that's the correct term and i'm very sorry if it's not) bc aren't there 8? wait okay i think i remember there being an uneven number of candles but question still stands anyway bc i also think hanukkah goes on for 8 days right? very unsure but still guessing that's all connected especially since you called it the miracle of hanukkah

another question bc this is really endlessly fascinating to me and i love you very much for explaining: is hanukkah your favourite jewish holiday/tradition? if not what is? i mean if you even have a fav -fiancee

bro it’s all good take care of yourself i am just vibing. doing okay! not getting as much sleep as i (1) should be or (2) would like to be but i’m......gonna work on it. lmao

well if you run out of m&ms/whatever you’re playing with, like in your own pile, because you haven’t spun enough gimels/heys and keep having to put more of your own in without taking any out, then you run out, and then you’re out of the game. whoever is the last in the game wins! and yeah i think they end up with everyone else’s m&ms like by virtue of everyone putting their m&ms all in the pot and then the winner taking the pot.............yeah. best way to understand the rules is to play honestly but i hope that’s a bit clear

menorah is the right word!! if you want to be REALLY accurate and jewish you could say hanukkiah/chanukiah/however you want to spell it, but that’s really not necessary, the words are interchangeable at this point. anyway yes the oil burning IS related for the reason you said! so hanukkah is eight nights (jewish holidays start and end at sundown), and the reason for that is because when the jews back in the day found the oil in the destroyed temple, there was only enough to burn for one night. despite this, when they lit it, the oil burned for eight days and nights, and that’s what we call the miracle of hanukkah and is the reason we celebrate for eight days and nights! 

and you’re right, a hanukkiah has nine candles - eight regular candles, one for each night, and then the shamash, the lighter candle, which is used to light the other candles. each night you add a candle, so the first night has one candle + the shamash, second night has two + shamash, so on. so the eighth (final) night of hanukkah would look like this (and the candle that the hand is holding is the shamash, which goes in the middle on a traditional hanukkiah. sometimes the shamash is on the end of the hanukkiah, and typically it’s slightly elevated so you know That’s The Shamash, as u can see in the bottom picture)

and as to my favorite holiday: hanukkah is up there!! i mean it’s nice because it’s a long holiday and we get lots of nice presents and the food is good and also ofc it’s really nice to get school off. mm...........yom kippur has strangely really grown on me, which is a really boring adult thing to say, but i actually really enjoy having a day where i get to apologize to those i’ve hurt and make amends for any damage i’ve done, and the fast isn’t actually too hard for me anymore. and i like doing it now because it makes me feel like i’m connected with my family when i’m at college. i think honestly that being at college has given me a new appreciation for a lot of jewish holidays and traditions.....like, it’s kind of on me now to celebrate a lot of them or else they won’t get celebrated. bc it’s just me.

 also though, i am absolutely and entirely blanking on every jewish holiday, so i’m gonna google some, one sec. hmm okay having done that i maintain that hanukkah and yom kippur are my favorites fkjdsmlkj i don’t think i could have possibly chosen more different holidays. OH!! honorable mention to shavuot, i have no idea when it is and honestly i’m not sure what it celebrates but it’s traditional to eat dairy and i love eating dairy so there you go

[bugbreach-art]

You got some cryptic vibes and I like that. Spooky and intimidating sometimes but also very nice and chill other times. Honestly I was scared at first when speaking with you because your art level intimidated me, after some time I'm not spooked anymore.

I like your YouTube videos and directs too and hearing your voice was great, you sound very friendly once one hears your voice.

I'd like to read/hear more about your ocs, but I'm not sure about which one ask about. Tbh I know nothing about warframe but I wanna know more about it and about your ocs of it.

INTIMIDATING! That was the word i was looking for!

Yeah. That is - I know that (especially in the past) I could be very aggressive. sth to do with trauma and depression, but i’m much more chill now, so i hope that in general i will not come across like that AS MUCH anymore :’D

I have never had anyone describe my voice as friendly, but that is very interesting ovo i shall use that power for my cult plans.

And last but not least. OCs. Well. If you ever know any specifics, i am here to answer and overshare lol

And the Warframe OCs - don’t worry. I’ve been playing Warframe for ages now and still don’t know shit about fuck. I just know that my favs are problematic, and by throwing my entire being into their lore i can shamefully ignore the actual plot of the game <3

[interstellarbookofflowers]

the future of this blog

this is something that i want to and i probably need to discuss. it sounds a bit menacing, but no worries, it's mostly abt my own personal development and the way i want to use this space to grow and to help others grow as well.

i already changed my layout and pfp a while ago (who remembers all the horrid layouts and my really bad url from before deserves a veteran discount honestly), since i felt like i needed the change.

i'm also thinking abt changing my url. now let me just say im emotionally attached to this url, it's a part of me, it's something that represented me for a really long time. but not anymore. it's connected to standards that were put on me (both by myself and by other people) and ngl it can be a bit pressuring. and i've changed, too. when i feel ready to tackle this i will of course let you know, but just so you're aware, this is on my mind and it's probably going to happen sometime in the future.

at this moment i'm trying to revive my blog and i'm thinking abt the content i would like to have here. don't worry though, i will be probably staying in the community, it is like a second home to me, but i'm reflecting on all the things that made me feel pressured to continue the blog and how do i untangle myself from that and what kind of things do i want to do here.

one thing is sure though. this is not going to become sth like a personal blog anytime soon. 16 yo me was more than okay sharing some things, but im not 16 anymore and it just feels wrong putting myself out there like thAT. not that i don't like bitching abt how shit my life is, but no. lets keep that for my close friends.

the ultimate goal for me is of course to keep posting study related things, shitty photos and random reflections included. one thing which is definitely staying with me is the need to show the reality of a student's life. me studying isn't rosy and cute and what not. it's a hot fucking mess okay. the thing is, people look for aesthetic™ to console themselves and try to run away from the reality of things. which is of course really fucking wrong and i might actually write an entire post abt this someday bc it makes me frustrated. so y'all i was never for a cute rosy aesthetic and i will never be. my aesthetic is a mess. and my aesthetic is me. it's mine and i love it and it's real.

i will be focusing a lot on mental health related issues, might talk about societal issues and politics bc i'm that person (i have a lot of opinions, deal with it) and i might be memeing bc i'm an actual living meme (whoever knows me knows i am a brat)

another thing is, i have a studygram with the @ iactuallystudyalot. this is a sore topic okay, i made it during a time when everything was really hard for me in hopes to continue posting and maybe feel better abt myself. it didn't go well aka i'm on a huge fucking hiatus there. i'm not using it at this moment and i'm honestly thinking of deleting it. the only thing that keeps me from doing so is the fact that i loved doing insta lives. i've never done any on my personal one bc i was like "ok no that might be weird", but ive done a few on my studygram and it was so much fun. except now i don't have an audience. so what's going to happen is - either i decide to delete it, or get an audience just for casual insta lives and study with me lives.

and at last, i want to say that my blog is always a safe space for everyone. whoever you are, you are valid, accepted and i care about you. unless you're a maniacal psychopatic murderer trying to kill my entire family. but that's probably not the case, so. yeah. i love everyone.

that's it! one more thing maybe, if you feel a certain way abt my insta, tell me bc i might have not opened it for ages, but im still confused as to where i want that to go (either way studygram communities are toxic af so if you tell me to try n join some, don't)

this is an informative post okay, it's not a means to suggest n tell me what you want to see on my blog. bc as much as i love all of you and your opinions and feedbacks and i appreciate them, the era of someone telling me to do shit i'm not feeling deep in my heart is over and i'm figuring out a lot of things now and one of them is that i want to do my own thing without anyone telling me what i should be doing.

ok i'm done now.

special thanks to @afinalsme for making me a tumblr account and generally being the bestest and studyblr-ing with me, ilysm

[xayneyierz]

I just feel so. so. so. sad but pls don't read and get triggered I'm emotional and hormones are raging

I realise we all hate bullies when we become self-aware (mercy, or not, to those who don’t) but when you realise you’ve been that way yourself one way or another when you were young or even now either consciously or unconsciously, it makes you wonder if you could have done it differently and could you have.

So I’ll start with what sparked this crazy self-reflection. Came home late had nothing to do while waiting for my hair to dry and I went to flipboard. The first thing I saw was a headline that went something like this: “Vulnerable dad tortured and made to eat his own testicle before he died”.

I mean. WTF right. This sounds like something from a fked up video game or some war crime shit.

So I read it. Not sure if it’s fake cuz after I did I couldn’t bear to read more about it and somehow I just believe that there are people who are perfectly capable of this and have the gall to plead not guilty. And it wasn’t even like that guy did anything. At least from what I read.

And then I stumbled across this article about a youtube account that posts videos of the parents pranking their kids. Just that the pranks go way beyond what those “just for laughs, gags” do. Again I only watched a sort of reaction video where the guy spliced some of the worst moments. Basically the parents would pretend one of the kids did something bad by deliberately setting them up, and then angrily confront them in like typical angry hollering and cursing parent way.

For one, any parent that curses at their child deserves hell. I don’t need to explain it.

And then the child is seen to repeatedly deny it and then burst out crying. Or in other videos they would see the older kids physically rough housing with the younger one. And according to the reaction video guy it’s mostly the same boy being targeted. Anyway i couldn’t bear to watch any more of the videos to confirm wtv. Just those scenes were enough. Apparently they’re all taken down the channel cuz they lost custody of that child and he’s now with his biological mom or sth but yknow thank heavens. But I’m sure if I search hard enough there will be reuploads and reaction videos and whatnot.

But ok and today plus yesterday I was reading koe no katachi and I watched the movie today. Basically about a boy who bullied a deaf girl and then got bullied himself when everyone else then saw him as a bully even though everyone else were just passive or even minor active bullies.

Ok so this just made me so mad and made me think so hard. To be honest with myself, and I have been for a while now, I have bullied people before. My brothers mainly. And not the kind of sibling bullying and occasional physical fights. I mean they never got out of hand especially with my parents there even though I remember this particularly bad one between my bros but my parents were always there to mediate.

The one I remember and feel guilt and regret about is when I made my brother play with my friends and I when we were in after school care and I would have him chase us and we would pretend he had mad cow disease cuz he was known to have a bad temper then.

It was fun then. I felt like we were playing together. I didn’t think anything was wrong. Then he didn’t want to do it anymore. I can’t remember what happened but when I thought about this incident a decade later I realised what it was and how he might have felt. But then I simply did not feel that way. Waa it ignorance? Was it plain neglect? Or was it that I was not taught to feel for others? Or think about other people’s feelings? Or maybe not taught, but I simply did not have the empathy in me. I don’t know.

But one thing my parents did that I hope I won’t if I ever do procreate was cane me for supposed lack of responsibility over my brothers. Things they thought I should do, roles they thought I should assume because I was the oldest. Things my brothers did I was accountable for because I should have stopped them. I should have known better.

Well I didn’t. And I didn’t want that responsibility. I didn’t ask to be born first.

I actually think this is a reason I shy from responsibilities and leadership roles.

Even if my teachers think I’m responsible ha.ha.

Then in primary school I said stuff that were rather mean to two guys. I didn’t think before I talked and they sounded fine in my head but when it came out it was just all wrong. For one guy I just didn’t read the situation well and blabbed something insensitive. The other guy I was trying to say something encouraging and seem like I looked up to him but when it came out it just became mean and demeaning. My friends who were with me immediately told me that it was bad when we were out the classroom and when I looked back I realised how bad it sounded and how far off it was from what I meant. But who cares what I meant if I don’t bring it across. I thought about apologising and explaining myself but I never got the guts to so I still feel the guilt now and if the guy remembers he’ll think I’m a stuck up bitch for the rest of his life.

What I’m trying to say is, every time I read news or watch videos of bullying I always wish hell upon the bully. Especially when they’re just so exceptionally mean. But when I take a step back, like koe no katachi, what if the kid really has no idea? Taking a look at myself, I don’t consider myself a bully but I did actually bully people. My parents aren’t bad parents. I didn’t intend it. But I did bully people. And sometimes all we see is the terrible terrible consequence of bullying. And for some reason kids can be really really mean and unforgiving. We blame society, we blame their parents, we wish hell on them but what if they truly had no idea? No one told them? No one taught them?

Of course for kids who deliberately bully and know it’s wrong and shit really should go to hell especially if they never learn.

But koe no katachi is really special in the sense that we see that this boy really had no idea? In his childish mind he just saw things in black and white. It didn’t dawn on him till he became bullied. Until empathy was forced on him.

I’m not trying to sugarcoat the problem of bullying though, I’m just trying to see this from every possible side. Especially since I personally relate to this. All the episodes I recalled are my cringe moments. Moments I regret, I wish I could change. But if I were honest, I don’t think I could. Because when I was young we all knew bullying was bad. But the actual definition was iffy and you may think it’s ok but others may not. You may be able to take it but some other person may not.

I had a friend who would call me by my surname and I started calling her by hers after a while as payback but for some reason I added a “stupid” in front of it.

I thought it was ok cuz I didn’t mean it in its literal sense and I thought I was being affectionate. Until mutual friends told me it wasn’t very nice and I stopped.

I don’t think I was a very nice person. I probably am not one now. But I’ll only have my verdict once I gain more insight in the future and future me can analyse my current self like current self does with my past self.

We always have moments we want to change. If I had known - but I didn’t. If I could have phrased myself better - but my brain just chose to fart that day.

I’m just so angry cuz of this ignorance. The pain it causes people. And the pain it causes me now, knowing I caused pain in others.

Maybe the parents of those kids really thought they were just harmless pranks. Maybe they believe that it’s part of childhood to be deliberately induced to tears on a regular basis for laughs. Or be wrestled to tears and tell your parents you hate them for making you feel like this for a joke.

Ok sorry I really can’t sympathise with the parents I’m just so angry. The worst thing is that they probably get their positive reinforcement from the comments of people worldwide whom I hope never have children.

People just suck don’t they?

Contemplation about mankind just makes me so angry and sad I should have never started.

Any sane person who saw those clips of the boy crying would think it’s wrong. They tell him to take a joke. That he’s the only one in the household who can’t take a joke. Well if my parents screamed at me daily for something I never did until I cried or made my siblings beat me up for cheap laughs on youtube and then tell me while looking into my tearful eyes that it’s just a prank, I would never trust them again. And then some.

Call me sensitive or a prude or someone who can’t take a joke but even the Halloween prank where parents pretend or even actually finish their child’s candy and wait to see their child cry is just terrible imo.

Why would you want to see your kid cry?

Why would you want your kid to doubt your words?

Especially at that age when they think you’re absolute. That you’re the perfect being. Well of course you aren’t but why are you deliberately trying to show them that lying for the sake of laughs is ok. Especially at the age where they think that their candy, something that they can call their own, is probably their entire world. Even if you think they’re replaceable and cheap. I mean I know how it feels because I’ve been through that. When I look back I realise how insignificant it is. How replaceable candy is or anything else is. That it’s nothing to cry over. But then it meant the world. The kids might not remember it. But what if they do. What if they take away a lesson that you didn’t mean to teach. Maybe they’ll do it in school next time. Take away their classmates’ lunch because their parents did so and said it was a prank.

Ok slippery slope maybe but is it really?

Idk where this post is going anymore but I was just so overwhelmed. So sad. So angry.

I hate that I actually did those things. I wish I was more self-aware at an earlier age. But unlike koe no katachi I don’t have the guts to make it right. They probably don’t even remember but even if they do should i purposely bring it up and cause them more pain?

Thinking about this just brought me to justice. Is an eye for an eye really the best way to go? Every time I get overwhelmed and angry about a crime or a terrible incident a human being did to another human being, or even living thing, I would wish the same thing happened to them. Or worse.

But then a terrible thought came to me. And it just made me cry because those people have a family too. Those people have people that love them too. And if those people have truly felt remorse, punishing them will probably not ease their guilt (can you truly pay for your crimes? As if you’re buying something, can you really be free after?). The victim and their family may feel better (but will they really? Of course there’s the whole other purpose of preventing further incidents if punishment makes them learn or just makes it impossible for them to do it again) But what about the ‘criminal’s’ family…what about them? What about the hurt to them? Who’s going to take responsibility? The criminal? Who’s going to make them feel better? Do they deserve it?

I just…why can’t everyone be aware. Be more aware. Why can’t I be more aware. When will I stop hurting people unintentionally. Will I do it in the future because I fail to think ahead? To think about other people in that moment in time.

This is why I need to avoid such topics.

Why am I so emotional I think my period is coming.

Nothing good is gonna come from me being sad. And there’s nothing to cure ignorance in the world even with the Internet.

Sometimes I wish I can unread things.

Undo things.

But no matter how many times I do it. I know it’ll be the same. Because the decisions I made is just how my brain works. It’s just how I am. And I can’t change who I was in the past without losing who I am. Not that anyone can change the past. What I mean is that harping on the past won’t help. Learning from it is good but just harping is useless. And all I can do is live with the guilt and make myself better. Maybe when I get the guts I can set things straight but why dredge up old and painful memories? It’s not like it will lessen your guilt. Live with it it’s your punishment.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t apologize for what they did wrong though I mean I shouldn’t need to keep putting disclaimers if you actually understand what I’m trying to say.

Sigh.

Why did I do this. Idk I don’t think there’s enough beauty in this world to counter the ugliness.

Like the strange concept of if there’s good there has to be evil or vice versa.

What if there are no poles? Is it really that bad?

Why should people suffer so others can enjoy happiness.

If happiness cannot exist without suffering cuz there always has to be a counterbalance then…

I’m going into communism and total dictatorship haha and we all know how that turns out.

Sigh ok time to stop rant over.