#it was slow and when it did load itd say like

[lavenderlavlavatorye]

i js came out of physics its almost as traumatizing as last last last weeks exam

[tumblunni]

AAAAGH internet

Cmon maaaaan give me a breaaaaak

Im STILL wasting loads of money on mobile internet cos this is TWICE ive called them and they said theyd send a repairman and ive waited abd then no repairman and i call them and they say "nope no record of booking a repairman here"

This is now my THIRD ATTEMPT and its been a week and im officially 100% broke thanks to this

And i barely even have any mobile internet left and i dont have any more money to buy more until the 25th aaaaagh! I KNEW it was bad to do something for my birthday, i knew i should have just stayed at home like a sad sack and saved the money just in case...

AUUUUUGHHHHH

And now i just found out i dont have anyone giving me a lift to the Integrated Autism Team meeting on wednesday and i cant afford a taxi and itd be SO STRESSFUL on the bus because its like three buses to a place ive never been before and then a mile long walk thru twists and turns to find this place and GAHH i wouldnt eveb have taxi money in case i get lost AND my mobile data will probably be gone by then so i cant even use goog maps...

And ive asked to borrow money from my friends SO MANY TIMES LATELY so i'd feel so awful doing it again! And i havent even paid back the last 15 bucks a friend gave me for that stupid situation where i got lost at 2am and needed a taxi home.

aAAAAAAGH

But on the 25th i get my Big Main Monthly Payment and hopefully all this shit will be sorted by then so i wont have any more Huge Spending Out Of Nowhere Moments and i can just finally pay everyone back! Like man i cant even give u guys fanart as thanks cos no internet means i can only badly photograph stuff on my phone and i cant give you a Big Cool Coloured Version

But aaaaagh at least i accomplished a one thing today i guess?? I talked to the Scary New Support Workers and they turned out to be Really Nice Actually. A team called FORT which stands for something something THERAPY probably maybe. There were two of them and they were Super Cool Young Doods named Bryony and Evan. And it was stressful having to talk in big detail about my childhood abuse AGAIN and my ptsd AGAIN to new people who needed to ask EVEN MORE invasive questions. But they were just SO nice about it! They straight up actually asked my gender pronouns and were supportive when i explained it to them and just aaaaaa *sigh of relief so huge i straight up melt into atoms and blow away on the wind*

I like.. Actually got to talk to them about how it added a huge extra level of stress at park road that people were really inconsiderate and quite prying about my LGBTness ans such. And how absolutely great it is to meet some medical professionals who care about being welcoming to diverse patients! Like i absolutely understand people not understanding my gender, i mean i am a minority within a minority after all. But god its so refreshing to just be able to..like..explain it rather than defend it? I dont have to "prove" it exists?? Constantly with different people every day?? And be told that its too difficult for them to remember?? Just getting basic levels of consideration was so great and i feel so much more able to trust them.

Also Bryony had really cool style like the sort of "librarian chic" i always aim for. And she was the main support worker while Evan was her assistant so i didnt talk to him much, but he's a Cool Gamer Dude and we had a fun small chat about how the Ps4 is a terrible beast machine that chugs along with train noises that almost block out the game XD and he was wearing a cool vault tec company logo thing and is excited about the new fallout, so yay! Neither of them play pokemon but they listened to me babble about how the new game lets you give pikachu LITTLE HAIRCUTS and Bryony was like "wow technology has come so far" and i think i actually got her a little interested in getting back into the series, haha? Anyway it was just nice to end a stressful conversation about illness and trauma with a few gaming babbles, lol.

Still have a huge stress headache tho and i wish this wasnt so early in the morning cos now its kinda left me exhausted before the day's even begun. But i feel proud that i was able to do the stressful THIRD TIME CALLING THE DAMN INTERNET GUYS right after this other stressful thing! Tho i did manage to handle it but i think maybe it was too much at once and thats why the big headache. Hope these pain meds kick in soon! I need to finally have my late breakfast cos maybe having them on an empty stomach is why theyre so slow? I aint know science!

So umm yeah that went mostly okay and im hopeful that these new support workers will be good because they said theyre focused more on extracurricular activities like classes and voluntary work and social groups to meet other people with similar mental illness. They left me a few leaflets to look through so hopefully i can understand it all a bit more then? But i feel proud of myself cos it wasnt too long ago that i was too scared to have meetings with anyone inside my own living room, and now ive done it a grand total of twice! And also spoken to annoying tech support on the most stressful phone conversation three wholee times! Just..please dont make it four ok...

Ok now bunni go lie down again. Instead of making breakfast. Because seriously this day has already felt too long and its only been two hours...