#it was pretty hungry once it realized i wasn't trying to kill it lol

[luvevee]

Not the oddest guest but definitely a surprising one

[2309analysis]

*What if Nine was a bad guy? What if he is willing to kill?*

Well, I've been thinking on how dark the series could get if Nine wasn't held back by his feelings. What I mean by that, is his feelings towards Sonic's judgment of him. What if Nine really was angry enough to not give two shits? What would've he done? It makes me wonder if Nine would really of gone through what he started at the end on season 2. Trying to take out New Yoke.

I'm going to slim that down and kinda target Shadow on this one, because I solely believe that Nine was a little jealous of Shadow. I mean, if some random edgy guy pops in out of nowhere, basically making your new friend jump up and down about his being okay, and joining teams, while he doesn't trust you, I'd be on edge, too. Which makes me theorize that Shadow was honestly scared of how nïave Sonic was to Nine's intentions, in a way. Over their lack of communication, it wasn't clear on what Nine really was going to do, and that kinda made Shadow very nervous. In a way, scared about Sonic's reactions, and that's where the line "I'll take Sonic out there." Then the confrontation talk between them which ended horribly; l and I think it ate Shadow up more when they were fighting the Chaos Council. Making Shadow unreasonably frustrated at Sonic's behavior, but his feelings feel more towards Nine. I don't think Shadow quite knew how to theorize the idea without Nine admitting his own thoughts.

So when Nine finally admitted his own ideas; Shadow probably felt relieved. As in, "thank god, I can finally convince Sonic that we need capture or at least de-arm Nine." Hence Shadow wanting to do things his own way, and I guess because that's all Shadow is used to, and it gets things done, so, why be against it? Haha, too bad, you're teamed up with a steadfast mediator for this series, Shads'! While I understand why they had the "If things don't work- we do things my way. ... together." I think Shadow almost understood Sonic for once, get the prisms, stop Nine, and try not to hurt him. Not Show's initial thought; but he gets behind it when he sees a reason or a way for it to work. Which, is ironic, his only reason at this point was Sonic's enthusiasm. Literally, that was it.

Okay, okay, this where I finally talk about my real theory. What if Nine *killed?* Who would he have killed? Would he have done it intentionally? How would he or Sonic react? How would everyone else react? How would Shadow approach Sonic? How would anyone respond? How would Nine initially react or respond? How would Sonic feel about Nine after? All questions that are going to be naturally lingering in your heads, don't worry, mine, too. I got a few answers. Well, more than a few, as in, length-wise. (Lol)

I would honestly think it'd be Sails' and Mangey, or Sonic or Shadow themselves. I really don't think I need to explain why Nine'd go after his counterparts. Knowing how Nine would easily pick up how quick their thinking is, and quickly realizing they could rival his. As in, thinking faster, better, more efficient, blah, blah. Point made. I would think if things were different, he would lead Mangey into a trap to ultimately lower Sails' guard, because I believe that Sails' picks up on inner intentions or better at reading the room than Mangey. While that scenario could still have happened, by that point in the series, Mangey was too smart to fall for it. Regardless of how hungry or captivated he would be by shiny objects. (Headcanon that Mangey is easily captivated by shiny objects due to its sheer shine.) (protecc Mangey.) That really concludes what Nine would try to go after them. They're quite literally weapons from an intellectual standpoint. Nine probably wouldn't think much about their deaths' from a personal standpoint, because this be extra planned. So Nine would only see it as Sonic's pawns falling one by one.

Okay, now focusing on Shadow, primarily. I feel like he's a pretty unique or interesting take on Nine trying to take advantage of or on him. Which, he has done once, and I'm going to basically add onto that. I feel that Nine did fully believe he killed Shadow when Shadow was thrown under the surface. I just believe Nine finished the job by sending numerous of grim bots down there. That quickly diminishes when they never come back up again, while most still continue down, but Nine still pays no attention, knowing that Shadow's currently alone and stands no real chance. So, Nine probably forgot he was there until Sonic shows up again with everyone. I think this also were Nine snaps; and is basically like, "man, this isn't fair. Why do you think I'M the bad guy? I tried helping you for fuck's sakes!" Admittedly, I think the reason why Nine scarified so much for Sonic because he was so blinded by the fact that Sonic gave a shit about him, that he forgot to conclude if, by chance, Sonic not even be up to his plans. Which leads to the giant fight. I also think, Shadow knew this, and became even more frustrated with Sonic. He just kept his mouth shut, because he knew how much was weighing Sonic down, and he'd just be a an asshole for guilt-tripping him. Nine is also aware of this fact; which kinda makes the theory more justified about him wanting Shadow out of the picture. It was already hinted on in the series itself. Still, I doubt that was the whole point. I think after Nine possibly securing Mangey's and Sails's deaths, he'd immediately goes after Shadow. Take the risk out of the equation; make Sonic think he's hopeless, make him give up without much of a choice. Cruel, I know, but Nine'd think this 100%. At least, in this theoretical sense. (Canon, I think so too, but I won't pry on that.) How would Nine succeed with such an impossible task? Poison or something that'll satisfy the 'slow death' Nine would surely have got Shadow. Or at least weaken him to the point where he's so beat up he is on death's bed. Finally concluded the main possibles. Nine would definitely find this an extreme accomplishment. He's done it, he took Sonic's hope and crushed it; something Nine isn't exactly proud of, but if it means getting closer to what he wants... he doesn't care how he is doing it. That might hurt Sonic to the very core, but at this point, Nine's laughing at him.

I kinda wanna theorize more about if Nine would go after Sonic. It wouldn't surprise me if he could angry enough and completely lose it and just lunge at Sonic with everything he's got. Although, that's not like Nine, he's way too clever and thoughtful to let that happen. Which, is why I would think he'd try to use a manipulation tactic on one of his friends or Sonic himself. Why I choose manipulation for the killing on this one is because how pushy Prime Sonic is about his ideals. Making his steadfast commitment to not hurt Nine to Nine's advantage and cunning. Doing a what if scenario to make it easier to explain: Sonic convincing himself to give himself up to Nine. A simple tactic, but it basically gives Nine the key to completely fuck with Sonic. Absolutely mentally destroy him, and if we add all that has happened, Nine doesn't have to really do much. Just personal taunts, like how he was basically calling out Sonic when everybody showed up. Imagine how vulnerable and violent Nine would attack Sonic after all that's happened. Sonic knows he lost, Nine knows it, everyone else does, too, what else does Sonic have to lose? Nothing. Nine would definitely use that by an interior motive, if not, the last thin line of thread of sanity or will Sonic has left. I would feel like it'd honestly turn into a suicide without the intention of it. Sonic gets in the little pedestal that zaps his prism energy; and he starts to fade. Nine, by this point, would not care. He'd just continue his plans on rebuilding Grim without him. A bit remorseful about it, but the chance was thrown away. He just doesn't care anymore. While everyone is exhausted but panics over Sonic and watch him basically disappear, Nine wins. Kind of a tragic ending, but he did ultimately turn into the bad guy. How would he feel? Oh, he's more mentally fucked than the rest combined. He doesn't know how to feel; let alone react to Sonic's death. He's hilariously deluded that it was only a sacrifice for what needed to be done, but he's also scared. "What have I done?" Did he really need to die? Couldn't there have been other ways? Shouldn't have Nine figured out something else? What else was there that he could have done? Nothing. So empty anger sets in; and Nine absolutely loses it. Screaming, crying, rolling over and throwing himself on the ground. (He's alone btw) I would think he'd either move on, or go on that endless route of walking without much thought. He ends up being alone, kinda like Ellie Williams in The Last of Us part II.

Aftermath is a bit complicated to write about. Tempted to just say everything in the shatter space disappears or gets erased. It still leaves what Nine remains, nothing, but there was kinda nothing to really began with. I don't necessarily know or does it honestly matter, what happens to the prisms, or Nine himself for that matter. I'm going to leave aftermath of nothing ever getting solved, and time basically moves on. Nothing is ever concluded. Like an unfinished book near its end.

—————————————————————————————

This was actually based off of an Tumblr’s AU over Prime. It’s pretty radical, and I practically silently went crazy over it yesterday reading it, and it sparked this question. So, I decided to answer it. Mainly out of my outrageous free-time I now have. The AU’s creator: @callme-aprilroseisha04

I highly suggest you check it out, I’ll put the link! https://www.tumblr.com/callme-aprilroseisha04/746483102684266496/i-so-badly-wanna-know-whats-going-on-with-sonic It’s such a fun read! <3

[planetdemon]

I just wanted to be a swan

pairing: bang chan x reader

genre: angst, fluff, but mostly angst

warnings: low self-esteem, body hate/dislike, eating disorders, swearing, food, insecurities, arguing DONT READ IF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH IT!

wc: 2.003

note: so this scenario has been going through my head for quite a while now, and I tried writing it by myself lol. Hope it's good ;) I've also sent a request to @channienet about the same topic, so make sure to check her interpretation out as well! enjoy!

summary: Due to Chan's heavy working schedule, spending time alone was a thing you couldn't quite befriend with, especially after you've noticed some changes you have gone through. There is a to change it, but it isn't quite... let's say healthy. How will Chan react, after he finds out? Will he even care? (dude I'm shit at writing summary lol)

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Taking a bath was normally something that should be considered relaxing or calming. You've always enjoyed letting the hot water surround your body whilst taking all the dirt and negativity off that you have collected during stressful days at work.

But lately, taking a bath wasn't as enjoyable anymore as it once was. Chris has been working a lot lately, due to the kingdom stage and their nearing comeback. He has been spending more and more time at the company, working on producing new tracks for him and the kids, often staying at the dorms because they were closer to the studio than the apartment you shared. So you were left alone, by yourself.

Even though you wished he would be by your side while you were falling asleep, you couldn't be mad at him. You knew what his work meant to that boy and you would never tell him to stop doing what he loves just so you could spend some time together.

But being alone also meant that you had to kill the boredom somehow and, thanks to Felix's Brownie and Cookie recipes, you had the perfect thing to do in the meantime. Baking and eating delicious desserts.

You were just stepping out of the bathtub, grabbing the towel you had prepared, and drying yourself with it. Once your body was half-dried, you turned around to hang the towel back at the hanger, so it could dry properly.

And at that moment, you knew, you've fucked up. You couldn't avoid looking at your wet, naked body in the hot, steamy mirror near the hangers.

You always hated looking at it, but thanks to the sweets you had been eating lately, looking at yourself only made you feel sicker than it ever did.

You couldn't tear your gaze off the excess of flesh around your tummy and thighs and the stretch marks, that decored your boobs only seemed to scream "Look at me!". You slowly turned around and saw the tiger stripes creeping up your bum and the undersides of your arms.

'Fucking disgusting', that little voice in your head sneered.

'How could I let this come this far?', you thought. At this point, you were somehow happy Chris wasn't here, knowing he would be disgusted with how you've changed.

You've always felt a bit insecure by his side, knowing you could catch up with neither his attractiveness nor his muscular godlike body. But seeing yourself like this destroyed every little self-esteem you had left in your cells.

-

It has been nearly two months since 'the incident' in the bathroom and you couldn't shake that feeling of disgusts off. Not even for one second.

You only wanted to try a one-week detox diet that was blowing up all over social media, hoping you could lose a little bit of weight, so you would be back to normal. But seeing the numbers on the scale dropping so unbelievably quickly only made you realize that you could look even better than you thought you could.

You kept on following the diet and restricting everything that wasn't included, not noticing that restricting also damaged your mind.

One time, Han and Felix asked you if you wanted to have lunch with them and the others, but fear crept up you back as soon as you thought about the food they would have ordered, knowing that you would only gain weight again if you didn't follow the rules.

So you stayed home, keeping yourself isolated from your friends and most importantly, Chan.

You were lying on my bed, scrolling through Tumblr when Chris' Caller ID showed up and your phone started to ring. You sighed lowly, not wanting to talk to him.

Over the past few months, you stopped showing up at the studio, being afraid the boys would notice the changes your body went through, thanks to the diet. You were happy about it, knowing that you were losing weight, but you haven't reached my goal. You were afraid, they would judge you the way you did when you looked at yourself.

"Chris?"

"y/n? Han just told me that you weren't coming over. Are you okay? Y-" Chris's muffled voice appeared and you felt instant regret deep in your guts, knowing how much fun you guys had when you spent time together back in the days.

"Yeah, I'm okay Channie, don't worry. I just feel a little sleepy. I'll come next time. Promise" You tried your best to sound optimistic or at least not too sad, hoping Chris would believe your lie. "Okay," he mumbled, "I love you, baby girl".

-

You knew you were in big troubled the second Chris opened the fridge, seeing no food in there.

He randomly decided to stay over the weekend, saying that he missed you. You weren't ready for this, knowing that you couldn't hide the signs of the 'passion' you had developed in time.

"Why is there no food?" You fumbled with the arms of Chris sweater you were wearing while looking at the ground. "I've forgotten to go grocery shopping" You answered.

"But there is nothing in there, y/n. Nothing" He walked over and took hold of your cold hands while looking you straight in the eyes.

"Why is there no food?" Chris asked again.

"I just told you I forgot to go grocery shopping, Chan. Relax" You snapped back, getting anxious about the fact that he could notice something.

You were nearing your goal, even though you knew that you could never be satisfied with how you looked. He couldn't just come over and ruin all the progress you've made after being not here for so long. He doesn't have the right to do this.

"Don't fuck around, y/n. You always have at least some butter in your house. Where is the butter? Where is Ramen? You must have some food here!"

Your body started to shake as you heard his voice rise, keeping your gaze low, not daring to look him in the eyes right now. He was right.

You always had something at home, so you could quickly cook something when you were hungry. But you didn't saw a point in keeping food at home if you wouldn't eat it anyway. It would just rot.

"Y/n look at me" he whispered, after realizing that you were trembling. Chris gently grabbed your chin to make you look up at him. You were expecting to see anger, but the only thing you saw in his brown orbs was sadness.

You started to tear up after you noticed it, knowing that he put one and one together. You missing out on lunch with the boys, you not showing up at the studio to bring him food and spend with him there, listening to his tracks, you not having any food at home. It was obvious, but you still hoped he wouldn't notice.

Chris slowly took you in his arms, noticing how your figure felt smaller and bonier than before. It made him sick, knowing what you did to yourself. 'Why would my girl do something like this?' he thought 'how could my little princess torture herself this much?' But he couldn't find a 'because'.

In his eyes, you were the best thing that happened to him. You were the prettiest girl on earth. Warm tears were running down his pale cheeks, dropping to the floor.

He couldn't stop blaming himself for what you did. Maybe if he would have been there, he could have stopped you. Maybe if-

"Channie?" You quietly asked, looking up at his tear-stained cheeks. "Channie why are you crying? We can go to the store and grab something if you want. You don't-"

"Why have you been doing this to yourself, y/n?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why haven't you been eating"

Well, shit.

"What are you talking about, Channie?"

"Don't fucking lie to me, it's too obvious for you to do so. Why haven't you been eating?"

"I... I, I'm pressured Chan" You answered, knowing that he wouldn't believe you if you would tell him otherwise. Telling him the truth was the only option at this point, even though you didn't want to.

"Pressured?"

"Yes"

"Princess, I don't understand what you mean by that"

You shook your head and let go of him, before walking over to the couch and sitting down with a low sigh. "Maybe you shouldn't understand," I said.

"Jesus, y/n" I heard him mutter under his breath. He walked over and sat on the floor, in front of you, looking at you with a scared expression.

"Please tell me what's in that pretty little head of yours. I can see that you have lost weight, but I don't understand why. I mean, you are the prettiest human I have ever seen in my whole life, why would you do something like that?"

"Why do you even care? It's not like you here anyway" you simply said, grabbing your phone, trying to ignore him.

After he noticed your intentions, he quickly took your phone out of your hands, placing it on the coffee table behind him.

"Hey! Give me my phone back, you dump a-"

"Fucking stop it, y/n. Stop ignoring me. I care for you because I love you! You are my everything and I know I haven't been home lately, but at least I tried making time for you and inviting you to the studio", he said, "but you never came! Don't act like it's only my fault we haven't seen each other."

You looked at him with wide eyes, shaking your head. He was right, it was also your fault. And you hated the fact that he was right. "I-"

"Please y/n, please stop turning away from me and closing up. I-I know it's not easy to open up, but I'm here for you. I'll always be."

"Well, I... I couldn't, no, I can't feel happy when I look like this, Channie. I mean, look at you, look at your perfect body and your perfect personality and your perfect everything! I don't fit in. I don't fit in, because I am the ugly duck surrounded by beautiful swans. I just... wanted to be a beautiful swan, Channie."

That's it. You've made it. You've told him what was going through your mind all the time.

He slowly pulled you off the couch, into his lap. He could feel your seat humps against his thighs, how bony and strong they were. Chris shook his head in disbelieve, another wave of sadness crushing over him.

"You are perfect, baby girl. You are perfect in every single way. You always were the most beautiful swan I have ever seen in my entire life. I love everything about you, y/n. I love how your thighs wiggle whenever you run towards me when we meet, I love how curves look in that dress I brought you a year ago, I love how your stretch marks are decorating your body like silverish paint. I don't want you to change for me, because you are perfect the way you are. Jesus, even Hyunjin said you are even prettier than himself, and that means a lot. Please don't hurt yourself like this, princess. You are destroying yourself"

He took hold of your hands and kissed your palm.

"I promise I'll stop working so much, so I can spend more time with my beautiful girlfriend, but please... stop hurting yourself" he whispered, searching for any signs of discomfort in your eyes. But you just set in his lap and listened to him.

"Hyunjin thinks I'm prettier than him?" you asked awkwardly.

Chris chuckled and nodded "Is this the only thing that got stuck in your pretty little head?" He asked.

You smiled a bit, leaning your forehead against his while closing your eyes. "I'll try to get better, Chris" you whispered.

It wouldn't be an easy journey going back to 'normal. Once the hole is there, digging is difficult. But it is possible, especially if someones helping you.

[cynicalrecoverysociety]

Daily Dispatch: January Edition

I got you all a gift. Do you know what it is? A brand new month!

Let's recap January a bit. I was supposed to get back on track this month and to a certain extent I did. But I also didn't and I think it's important to be honest with yourself about the goals you set and your progress on them over time.

Goal 1: No eating after 9pm. After realizing that night time binging was a habit again I set this goal mid month. I did break it once or twice, one time while I was sick and I was eating/sleeping at weird times and once just a few nights ago, I drank and didn't eat much dinner and I ate the rest of my dinner a bit late. That feels awesome actually. The no eating after 9 is not a goal due to weird dirty rules or fasting goals. It's so that way I don't do my favorite thing which is about 9:30 start winding down for the night and head to the couch with tons of food and eat mindlessly until I'm overfull and in pain. And then continue to eat as much as I can possibly hold until I go to bed. So the times I didn't meet the goal still served me because it still was not really a binge. Big win for me, February has the same goal.

Goal 2: No eating out. I did eat out a few times but they were mostly when I was sick. I think this goal needs some tinkering because it's not like I'm against getting food out for a date or something special. I just am tired of wasting money on fast food we don't even like that much because we are hungry and lazy. But all in all we ate at home almost every day and made great progress. By the end of December it was so stressful we gave up and had takeout quite a bit. This month it was just a few times. My food addiction used to really fixate on restaurant food and I would get debilitating cravings. I felt like Big Mom with a hunger pang. I have not gotten this in a while and that's progress. I'm not sure how I'm going to word this one but I'll probably keep this goal and just know I'm my heart that if it's a date and not a quick drive through McDonald's then I'm good.

Goal 3: Water. Nailed it every day. I never stopped drinking enough water even in my worst times because I'm just thirsty now lol

SeCrEt GoAlS: pretty good. Time for the big reveal: the goals were 10+ minutes yoga and plank every day. I did that every day except the ones I was sick. I'm really happy about this one. But it feels crushingly inadequate to do so little. I feel like a failure for trying really hard to do a tiny bit when everyone on here is killing it at the gym and being super active all day and I'm like. I had 10 minutes where I wasn't sitting on my ass good job. Thus proving that comparison is the root of all displeasure. If I was in a vacuum of course I know that 10 minutes of unchallenging yoga is infinitely better than nothing. Doing it every day is the hardest part. I started with nothing and now I do this. It's progress. I have to stop comparing myself but I don't know how. Even yesterday I saw a picture of a girl in over the knee socks and I was just overcome with envy and sadness. I will never look as cute as her in over the knee socks no matter how much I like them. Comparison robs me of my self confidence. Not really sure how to tackle this one but I'll try.

In conclusion: I made some progress in my habits this month. I am still comparing a lot and it is very bad for me. I had no weight loss but I am still in recovery and just the fact that I had only one or two binges is a big improvement from December which was an almost nightly binge. I will continue to force myself to slowly change my daily habits rather than give into the urge to "radically change my life" for like 5 days then fail. Changing your life is hard. I am up for the challenge.

Healthy Eating Ratio: 24/31 (77%)

Plank Time: 34 seconds