#it was nowhere so i had to do it myself 😁🫡

[wishchip106]

uhh something something “The Look of Love” 😿

might as well rip my heart out while you’re at it 🤨😒 i can’t handle these guys 😭😭

[unknowable-known]

(Officially your second ask ever heh)

(Also I might swear and write some things in caps, but I’m not angry just going crazy okok? 🫡)

“let whatever plot lines unfold!”

You see… this is why I think I don’t get it (or maybe, as you mentioned to your first anon, I’m making an effort to no understand cause I’m “coping”)

Any plot line means even the undesired ones (yeah, yeah, desires, good or bad are concepts, your true self if neutral and unaffected bla bla bla). Let’s be honest here, no matter how enlightened you are, NO ONE want tragedies. I don’t mean like “oh I don’t want to be ugly. Oh I don’t want to be poor” I’m talking about actual serious stuff.

Abuse, r*pe, murder, torture, physical pain and so on.

It’s very nice and peaceful all this talk of “hey, calm down, is not real anyway. Your physical body is not real, emotions are made up concept. Relax 🧘”

But it’s seriously fucked up to keep this mindset when you’re going through one of the things I mentioned.

“Oh but you’re not supposed to disregard your feelings”

Honestly… then what’s the damn point of all this?

Can’t change things around because it’s all an illusion so there’s nothing happening at all, but has to let the so called plot lines unfold (aka HAPPEN) because… ???

Can’t let yourself be affected by circumstances cause they’re not real and good or bad are made up concepts, but can’t disregard feelings. So basically… Yeah, you still get to feel miserable.

Know yourself, but be aware that the mind and the “you” you think you are won’t ever comprehend what “ ” actually is.

Fuck it if the “ ” is neutral, unaffected and unchangeable. I’M (the limited me, cause oh well you are already “ ”, right?) STILL LIVES IN A GODDAMN ILLUSION THAT DO IN FACT AFFECTS ME AND THAT’S APPARENTLY UNCHANGEABLE, AND I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE: Wanting to change = Being aware that something is missing, therefore, this something will alway be missing = eternal loop & seeking.

Future doesn’t existe neither past, but the present still shows up with seeming past things, like a giant snowball only getting bigger.

It seems so redundant to me and it makes me drained cause you guys (do you even ‘exist’ by this logic? Am I just talking to myself then?) talk about it and live life like it’s so damn easy, but I can’t seem to see what you guys see.

Again, who cares if the great, unaffected, infinite self is “there” chilling if I (as in the infinite self) can’t simply shut off all of the limited and non existent world that is unfolding right in front of me? If I’m already self, but perceived in a limited existent creature then what’s the point of knowing self?

I think I saw these words being said multiple times: “Then all of this is simply about moving on and experiencing undesired circumstances, but just being in peace with it” and all of “you” answered “I can’t see why you see that way or when we ever implied that”. But honestly, I mean with all my heart, I can’t see how is NOT like that.

Right now, is the limited “me” talking and as long as I am perceiving myself as limited, I always will be, but if I try not to I’ll still be perceiving myself as limited (again, the paradox/looping).

In my head there are only two “methods” to finally understand all this fully:

experience a illusory death of the illusory body

Hit my head and lose all the damn memory. Anything could ‘unfold’ and I wouldn’t have the pre concepts I had before. I could live a totally different ‘life’ without even knowing that there was a so called different one before.

It's nice being cheeky. I appreciate you 😁🫶🏻

Some experiences can be awful yes, and nobody is invalidating that in any way. "Letting go" isn't actually letting go, it's noticing what remains aside any experience.

Manage any experience you have in a healthy way. Seek support wherever you can and wherever relevant. You, self, that, infinite radiance is going nowhere. "Manage" the plot line in a way that's comfortable for you.

In the meantime you can still "increase" your "sensitivity" there are opportunities for you to understand yourSELF in any context. It's this simple.

In fact, really painful situations can serve as great contrast to actuality...

I know there is much pain and suffering(seemingly), and managing this is not cope...

ALL experiences are valid, they're just not substantial/actuality...

There is no purpose to any of this. Infinite means completely open ended. But again, this does not invalidate any experience...manage this experience however you deem fit.

In the midst of pain, I closed tumblr, and stuck with being_is_it on twitter. Just a suggestion and not a method. He's truly an all-star, and very helpful & streamlined in overwhelming experiences.

We love you🫶🏻

[from-izzy]

Your moots as TBZ ships???

hi anon! thank you for sending this in! 💖 sorry it took a while (i think this took more than a fortnight i'm so sorry 😭) because i had to think about it!! i'm doing ones that i talk to frequently or once in a while! to all my moots that i haven't/barely talked to, hmu! (i'm sorry that i'm too shy 😭)

welcome to another episode of '😭-izzy-doesn't-know-how-to-explain-things-and-she's-very-sorry-about-it'

@cloverdaisies - juric

so! you know how juyeon adores eric and juyeon is (arguably) eric's favourite hyung? 😊 they do everything together and is so comfortable around each other despite their age gap? 🥹 well, i mean clo and i are the same age but since around 2022, clo has always just been a writer to me. then out of nowhere, in the spur of the moment and a sudden hit of confidence i told myself "omg! 👀 what if...i just text cloverdaisies, say my greetings, thanks then disappear? if she doesn't respond then alright, at least i said whatever i had to say." yeah...it went well! very well! i love clo! 🤍 so much! 🤍🤍 and i hope she knows that!

@heemingyu - nyusun

ok so...we're just a tiny bit chaotic? 🤷🏻‍♀️ just a tiny bit 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ i think we hide it quite well in group chats (...that's a lie) but when we're on dms...oh yeah...the world really isn't ready for us when we meet 🤭 like sunwoo who adores new and annoys him all the time, i admit that i do it to sana too. but at the same time, like new who is always teasing sunwoo and being crackheads together, that's sana to me 😁 it's just...yeah...i feel like for the sake of world peace, we probably shouldn't meet? and sana should most definitely should not drive 🚗 (just like what new said in his bubble!)

@justalildumpling - sunric

my response to this: so roode 😭 just absolutely roode 😭😭 the audacity to even--but this is saur chaotic sibling energy 🤣 i get what you mean now when you say that we're more like sunwoo and eric rather than an old married couple like jaemin and jeno fr 😮 but also j! aussie aussie aussie! i finally have another friend from aussie that i can annoy if i do come to you (or you come to me...but i don't think j likes me that much though so...) 😟 life is...sad...and i get bullied by j all the time...sigh...☹️

@littleroaes - ppangcob

hmmm...i'll be honest with you, i'm not too sure how to explain this 😭 but! i think we just radiate this kind of energy! 😊 we are both very shy at first and dora is the same as well (in a good way! i will always protect you! 🫂 especially from sana, i promise!) ppangcob is the shy duo of tbz but at the same time, very comfy around each other and others when you get to know them well 🤗 just from our dms and interactions, dora is so silly and funny like girl! thanks for being my first mutual! 💕

@sungbeam - sunkyu

there ain't a lot of words but I'M SO SORRY FOR THE MOMENTARY PAIN AND CONFUSION THAT I PUT YOU THROUGH UMMMM 😭😭 but i am still going to hide (after this, let me say my words first) 🫡 just like sunwoo who auditioned for the company because he saw changmin...that's it! ok bye! i'm leaving! see you!! 😁

@winterchimez - kevcob

...do i need to explain this though? 🤔 but ok i guess i'll do it. so, like i mentioned, i think we're a different kind of soulmate dynamic where you get bullied and teased 😁 and i'm the one that teases you 😁😁 (ily i swear) kind of like kevcob as well 💕 but remember that time when we texted and we sent the same idea and question at the same time?? 🤗 like huh?? no one that i know irl does the things that i do?? this dynamic is so new to me...but i'm so ready for it 🥹 also, what are you waiting for? the stars have spoken? ⭐ book a flight ✈️ to where i am please and thank yew!

@wuahae - bbangju

ok so hear me out 😭 i don't really know how to explain this one either but! just the times when i would cry in vc 🥹 also ask help or something and cat would be like "yes, i have the solution." 🥹 but i'm also just reminded of that time in the concert when younghoon was reading his speech and crying but juyeon was like "it's okay, take your time" 🫂 i just have a feeling cat would do that tbh. we haven't talked much recently but i love you and i hope life is treating you well, cat! 💖

@zzoguri - cobric

me is the crying, emotional mess 😭😭 and moni is the parent that is intently listening to the child, putting in reassuring comments 💬 and trying to calm me down, chipping in their own experiences 🗨️ and telling me that they understand 🫂 moni has always been like that since day 1. i guess it really is true that we're not really strangers 🥹 sorry that we haven't talked much! i do miss you and i hope you're doing well!