#it was just so different from anything id ever encountered in the genre | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

etceteraon · 3 years

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losing heart | hjs

pairing: gamer!jisung x female reader

genre: f2l, fluff, romance, angst

warnings: slight language

word count: 10.2k

summary: after meeting and starting to date your close online friend of a few months, you start to realize that maybe you might have been better off staying online.

a/n: this is my first fic and I really hope it's enjoyable, I worked really hard on it and hope it meets any expectations. I also wanted to thank

@softbbyg0rl

for being so kind as to help me proofread this and actually help me expand upon it, I'm really thankful for their help and this probably wouldn't be half of what it is without them helping me out. I am indebted to them /j. I also had another friend help me read over this and I promised them a jeongin x reader in return, so expect that in the near future!

Video games had never been an issue for you before. You enjoyed them yourself normally, occupying yourself with various titles and genres of video games. Growing up you were known as the nerdy kid, finding interest in things that the other kids deemed ‘weird’. Really it was just that they were closed minded and couldn’t accept anything that was different or new. Anime and video games were entertaining, it didn't matter to you what other people thought about it. It was something that had helped you bond with some of your family members, and had helped you make a few friends over the years, one of them being your current boyfriend, Han Jisung.

The two of you had met online in a game you both enjoyed, Genshin Impact. Normally conversation in this game wasn’t much, just asking what the other needed and helping the other out with it. Things like domains, bosses, etc. After that was all said and done, you said your goodbyes and left, more than likely never encountering the other player ever again. When you and Jisung had met in the game however, things had gone much differently. It was only after about an hour of grinding domains that he had asked for your Discord, the two of you chatting on there for a few weeks before you both mustered up the courage to voice call. A few weeks after that, it was video calls. Only a couple months later, you two were very close friends, playing games and hanging out whenever you both had free time.

How quickly you two had clicked was a mystery to the both of you, but even your online friends were surprised at how fast you had let Han Jisung into your circle. Normally you were very particular about who you spoke to, let alone on a daily basis. Whenever you first met someone you usually spent the first few weeks getting a read on their personality and getting to know them before even thinking about actually getting close to them. It seemed Jisung had just rubbed off on you so quickly you hadn’t had a chance to actually go through your usual process.

When Jisung had suddenly brought up the idea of meeting in person just six months after first meeting each other online, it came as a shock to you, not expecting him to be the one to suggest it since you had learned he was actually an introvert despite his online persona. You had both learned that you lived relatively close to each other, having discussed where you lived previously. It was still about a two hour trip from your house though. Jisung of course had suggested he be the one to travel, but you didn’t want to cause him any more anxiety than he already had and told him you’d be more than willing to do the traveling.

A week was all it had taken for you to get on a bus and travel from your hometown to his. Jisung was texting you the entire ride there, clearly nervous with how many questions he was asking, probably wondering to himself if he should just call it all off. Your other online friends had gotten quite jealous since you hadn’t even met them yet, but you had to remind them just how much further away they were compared to him. They couldn’t argue with that. The two hour ride hadn’t felt long, your legs relieved to be standing upright as you exited the bus, holding your bag close as you looked around nervously. You had never done something like this before, and you honestly hadn’t even realized just how nervous you were up until now.

Scanning the busy sidewalk, you squinted, nibbling on your bottom lip as you struggled to focus, your heart slamming against your chest. Having to wear masks didn’t make things any easier, only being able to see the top half of people's faces really limited your ability to recognize someone you had only ever seen over the phone. After a few minutes, you had begun to wonder if Jisung had up and ditched you. Scrambling for your phone, you nearly dropped it, hissing as you unlocked it and looked over your messages with Jisung. He had said he was on his way to the bus stop a half an hour ago. It couldn’t take him that long could it?

About to call him, you walked over to the bench and sat yourself down, pressing the dial button and placing the phone up to your ear, looking around sheepishly, silently wondering if you were going to be ghosted and have to take another two hour drive home. Faintly you could hear the sound of a phone ringing, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion, you turned your attention to the source, seeing a rather short male with bleach blonde hair running towards the bus stop with a motorcycle helmet in hand. It was only moments before the male wearing all black actually reached the stop, looking around, locking eyes with you for a moment before pulling out his phone that was ringing and taking less than a second to look at the caller ID before answering.

“Y/n? I just got here- Where are you?” He questioned, nearly making you scoff into your phone’s receiver as you stood up, looking directly at him and cocking an eyebrow.

“Right in front of you.”

The slow turn and the look of realization was more than comical. Jisung’s eyes widening and then scrunching as he smiled under his mask. Hanging up the phone he slowly walked over, rubbing the back of his neck as he cleared his throat, shaking slightly with anxiety. “I uh, I’m sorry for getting here late. I kind of ran into an issue and had to do some last minute problem solving.” He explained, earning a head tilt from you. “What kind of problem?” You asked, wanting him to elaborate.

A quiet chuckle left his lips as he held up the motorcycle helmet he was holding, motioning back towards a bike that was parked on the side of the road. “I only had one. So I had to go and buy another.” You were sure your expression had matched Jisung’s from just moments before, in shock as you realized the motorcycle was his. If he was slow at realizing you were right in front of him, you were slow in realizing something much more obvious. “You never told me you drive a motorcycle…” You trailed off, Jisung nodding slowly in agreement.

“Ride a motorcycle but yeah. It never really came up and I’m not one of those people who constantly brags about riding one. It’s just a mode of transportation and happens to be cheaper than a car.” He shrugged, and honestly, you couldn’t argue with his reasoning. Clearing your throat, you shrugged your bag further up onto your shoulder, shifting your weight back and forth on your feet. “Well, I’m here. Now what?”

Jisung paused for a moment, seemingly processing your words before motioning towards his bike once more. “I figured we could go back to my place. I figured I’d order food since I’m not the best cook as you know. Almost burnt down my apartment on multiple occasions. My roommate is there, but he’s really chill. You’ve heard him every now and then on call or on mic. He normally keeps to himself, but I already told him about you coming and he doesn’t mind.” He stopped, thinking about whether or not that was everything he was wanting to say. “...Yeah. Unless you don’t feel comfortable with that of course. We can always go somewhere public and just hang out like that.” He offered, clearly not wanting to make you do anything you didn’t want to do.

“No, that sounds great.” You assured him, seeing his eyes scrunch as he smiled again, nodding happily. “Okay cool, let me just-” He stepped forward, getting alarmingly close and leaning forward. It felt as if your heart had stopped beating and the world was moving in slow motion around you. But before you could let your mind wander too far, Jisung placed the helmet he had been holding on your head, knocking you right out of your trance. “-ouch…” You mumbled, Jisung leaning back just slightly to look you in the eyes.

“Sorry, it’s kind of heavy, but it’ll keep your head intact.” He joked quietly, making sure everything was tight, locked and secure before stepping back and flipping the shield to cover your face, smirking slightly as he smacked the top of the helmet. “You good in there?”

Rolling your eyes, you flipped the shield back up to glare at him, smacking his arm as he laughed. “So you’re an ass in person too?” Jisung clicked his tongue before snapping his fingers and shooting finger guns at you. “You know it.” You were internally cringing, but before you could even think about teasing him for it, he was walking over to his bike and you had no choice but to follow, trailing behind him like a lost puppy.

You watched as he got on his bike, pulling his helmet on with ease and starting the engine, the loud sound making you flinch. If Jisung noticed this he didn’t comment on it, simply looking over at you and moving his head to the side, signaling for you to get on the bike. You had never rode one before, so this was a nerve wracking situation. What happened if you fell off? What if you got into an accident? Your mom had always told you just how dangerous motorcycles were. What if this was a bad idea?

Suddenly, Jisung was off of his bike and his hands were on your waist, lifting you up and onto the motorcycle, flipping your face shield back down before getting back on himself. He kicked the stand up so he was now balancing the bike himself. Looking back at you, he raised his voice so you could hear him over the sound of the motor. “I’d suggest you put your arms around me unless you wanna fall off.” Mean, but you knew he was just trying to tease you. You didn’t waste any time to wrap your arms securely around his waist, your head resting against his back. You swear you could feel him laugh as he flipped his face shield down, but you didn’t have any time to really think about it before he was off, riding down the streets of Incheon with you clinging to him for dear life.

The ride to his apartment felt like forever when in reality it only took a few minutes. Your grip on him hadn’t loosened in the slightest, far too afraid of falling from the motorcycle. Even after he had parked and turned off the engine, you were still sticking to him, an audible laugh leaving his lips as he took off his helmet. “You plan on letting go anytime soon?” He teased, you only shaking your head in response. He snickered before carefully prying your hands off of his waist, getting off of the bike and helping you off before taking your helmet and tilting his head slightly, noting your expression. “Was it that bad? I tried to be a little less reckless than normal.” His tone was joking, but you could tell he was genuinely concerned he had scared you.

“N-No it wasn’t that bad, just not used to it.” You assured him, stumbling slightly as you tried to take a step forward, his arms quickly reaching forward and holding you so you didn’t fall. “Jeez, we’re lucky you don’t have very far to walk.” Again with the teasing. You weren’t surprised by it though, Jisung had always been like that when you two talked. You scoffed, hanging on to his arm as you steadied yourself. “Shut up Ji. Where’s your place?” You questioned, Jisung smirking before leading you towards the building, letting you hang on to his arm without much thought. He didn’t seem bothered by it in the slightest despite having told you that physical contact made him nervous. You wondered what had changed. Carefully leading you inside and through the building, the both of you made it to his apartment, you finally letting go of him as he pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. If his roommate was home you weren’t sure why the door was locked, but you didn’t bother to question it as the door opened and Jisung motioned inside. “Ladies first.”

“When have you ever considered me a lady?” You joked, stepping into the apartment and looking around curiously, Jisung scoffing at your question as he shut the door behind the both of you. “Since always. You are one are you not?”

Shrugging, you didn’t answer his question, tugging at the straps on your bag as you walked further into the apartment. For some reason the decor didn’t really feel like it matched Jisung. After all, he had this whole e-boy/rocker look going on and you had fully expected the apartment to be messy and unorganized, but it was the complete opposite. It was clean, spotless even, and it made you wonder if he had cleaned simply because he knew you were coming to visit. Turning to look over your shoulder, Jisung smiled sheepishly, fiddling with a zipper on his leather jacket. “My roommate helped clean everything up. It doesn’t usually look like this.” He admitted, making you laugh and shake your head. “I figured as much.”

As if on cue, another male stepped out of a room in the hall, locking eyes with you and giving you a questioning look before noticing Jisung standing beside you, putting two and two together as a smile started to form on his face. “Oh, you must be Y/n-ssi.” He stated matter-of-factly, making his way down the hall towards the both of you and holding out his hand to you in greeting. You gingerly grasped his hand, smiling softly as he began to introduce himself while shaking your hand. “I’m Yang Jeongin, 01’ liner.”

Your eyes lit up at the realization that you were both the same age, “L/n Y/n, also 01’ liner.” You stated, watching as he relaxed a little realizing that he no longer needed to be so formal with you. The two of you let go of each other's hands, “Ah, well it’s nice to meet you Y/n. Jisung hyung has talked about you a lot.”

Raising an eyebrow, you glanced back at Jisung who smiled and shrugged as if to say he didn’t know what Jeongin was referring to. “I hope it was only good things.” You returned your attention to the male in front of you, watching as he chuckled and quickly nodded his head in agreement with your words. “Only good things. He’s always going on about how much he enjoys your company and how pr-”

“Yang Jeongin- '' Jisung cut him off suddenly, the younger male’s eyes widening before a mischievous smile crossed his face. The two males exchanged various expressions, you watching in confusion as they had a silent conversation with their faces. After a few moments, you cleared your throat, feeling awkward just standing between the two as they acted as if you weren’t right there. Snapping out of it, Jisung looked at you, quickly putting on a smile as he placed a hand on the small of your back, leading you towards the hall. “How about we hang out in my room, hm?”

“Wha- but I thought-” You trailed off, Jeongin following behind the two of you. “Seriously Jisung hyung? I thought we were all gonna hang out-” He mumbled, Jisung shaking his head as he practically pushed you into his room, stepping inside and shutting the door on Jeongin before the younger could hold it open. Locking it, Jisung turned to you, noticing your quizzical expression. He chuckled nervously, placing his hands in his pockets as he averted his gaze. “I just thought it might be better to hang out alone for a little while.” He stated, though his words sounded off, like he was only partly telling the truth.

You decided not to pry however, glancing at the door behind him. “What about Jeongin? He seemed upset.” Jisung shook his head, moving away from the door and closer to you. “He’ll be fine. He’s only being like that since we don’t normally have people over. After we hang out on our own for a while and go back out there he’ll forget about it.” He sounded so sure of himself that you had no reason not to believe him, nodding slowly as Jisung bit down on his bottom lip, seemingly debating something in his head.

“What’s up Ji?” You questioned, said male letting out a breathy laugh, not at all surprised that you had noticed something was going on in his head. “I uh- well I didn’t want to make it weird or anything but… I was wondering if I could give you a hug?” He sounded like he was nervous, and that suspicion was confirmed when you noticed how he was refusing to look at you, shifting back and forth on his feet. You found this cute, giggling quietly as you looked him over. You had just been practically glued to him while he was taking you back to his place on his motorcycle and now he was all shy and nervous because he wanted a hug?

Wordlessly, you crossed the remaining space between the two of you, wrapping your arms around his waist and looking up at him. Jisung tensed up slightly at your touch, remaining still for a moment before wrapping his arms around you, holding you close and resting his head on top of yours. “I made that weird didn’t I?” Snickering, you nodded, still keeping your hold on him but closing your eyes. “Just a little, but it’s fine. You make everything weird.”

An offended sound left his lips, earning a laugh from you as he pouted. “I do not make everything weird.” He mumbled, watching as you slowly pulled away and sat down on his bed, glancing around the room to actually take everything in. The decor in his room definitely made more sense, anime posters and figurines, manga, various instruments, LED lights adorning the ceiling, his gaming setup. It was all very Han Jisung. A light blush adorned Jisung’s cheeks as he cleared his throat and sat down beside you, nibbling the inside of his cheek. “Sailor Moon huh?” You teased, watching as his ears turned red with embarrassment.

“You’re gonna make me take all of this down right now I swear.” He huffed, eyeing you as you took your bag off and set it on the floor before falling back onto his bed, looking up at the ceiling and kicking your feet. “I think it’s cute. I like Sailor Moon too, she’s pretty.” You admitted, meeting his gaze to show that you were being honest.

“I mean, what’s not to like about her? She’s funny, sweet, caring, cute- plus she has a cute cat and super powers. Not only that but her outfit when she transforms is adorable. I’d wear that if I could.” You trailed off, watching as Jisung’s expression changed. You couldn’t read what it was, but there was a slight sparkle in his eyes as you spoke about his favorite anime character. “What are you thinking about?” You pondered, Jisung smiling as he snapped out of his trance, laying down beside you. “I just didn’t expect you to like Sailor Moon too. We never talked about that before so I didn’t even know you liked anime.” You considered his words before realizing that he was right, nodding slowly.

“I do. I watch it every now and then when I have time, but I grew up watching it. Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, Naruto, the essentials.” The two of you talked about anime and your other interests besides gaming for a while, simply laying on Jisung’s bed as you both relaxed and spent time together, getting to know each other a little more. It was almost comical how easily you two got comfortable with each other despite having never met in person up until then. You both stayed there for about an hour before Jisung had brought up his music, asking you if you wanted to hear what he had been working on. Of course you obliged, sitting up as he grabbed his guitar and made his way back over, playing a few songs for you after getting over his initial nervousness to sing in front of you.

You praised him for how good he was at singing and playing the guitar, also mentioning just how thoughtful and beautiful his lyrics were. He turned bright red at your compliments, shaking his head as he put his guitar back, holding out his hand to you as he came back over, asking if you wanted to go out into the living room and watch some TV and order some food. Of course you agreed and took his hand, getting up and following him out of his room and into the living room where Jeongin was sitting, his eyes moving from the TV to the both of you. “Oh, are you finally gonna come out here and hang out?” You could tell he was upset, but not enough to cause his voice to sound angry.

Jisung simply nodded at his roommate, going over to the couch and scooting him over before sitting down himself and patting the empty spot beside him for you to sit. You made your way over to the two males, slowly sitting down as you looked at what Jeongin had been watching, some YouTuber playing a game you had never seen before. Looked like both of the boys were gamers, which made sense. Jisung took the remote from Jeongin, switching it from YouTube to Netflix and clicking his account before handing you the remote. “You can watch whatever you want.” He told you, pulling out his phone so he could order food, Jeongin looking over his shoulder as he mumbled to the older male what he felt like eating. You laughed quietly, shaking your head before returning your focus to the TV.

You picked out an animated movie you hadn’t seen in a while, reaching forward and setting the TV remote down on the small table situated in front of the couch. Leaning back you noticed Jisung’s eyes glued to the TV, confused at his expression until Jeongin also looked up. “Ah, Jisung hyung watches this all the time. I think I’ve seen it at least twenty times.” He mumbled, your eyes widening as you leaned forward to grab the remote. “I can pick something else if you both have already seen this-” Jisung quickly reached forward, shaking his head as he took the remote and set it back down.

“No, it’s fine. If you want to watch it, we can watch it.” There was something different about his voice, but you couldn’t quite place what. Nodding, you went back to your previous sitting position, Jisung mumbling something you didn’t catch before handing you his phone. “What do you feel like eating?”

The three of you debated over what to eat for a while, mainly because you would suggest something, they would agree and you would go right back to asking them if they were really okay with what you had picked and then you were back to square one. Eventually you actually managed to decide on something, Jisung ordering for all three of you and then focusing on the movie. The three of you sat in silence, enjoying each other’s company. It was about halfway through the movie that the food arrived, Jeongin getting up before Jisung could, opening the door and thanking the delivery person before bringing the food in and shutting the door behind him. He quickly sorted out the food in the kitchen before bringing it all over, handing both you and Jisung yours before sitting down and starting to eat his own, not even bothering to wait or thank Jisung.

Giggling, you quietly thanked Jisung who shrugged it off, saying it wasn’t a big deal as he began to eat. The rest of the night was spent pretty much the same, the three of you watching various movies before Jeongin decided to retire for the night, saying goodnight to both you and Jisung before shutting himself in his room, leaving you and Jisung alone in the living room. Once the movie you were watching was over, Jisung cleared his throat, causing you to look over at him, feeling a little tired, but not trying to show it. Of course, it seemed like Jisung knew even with you trying to hide it, a soft smile on his lips as he slowly stood up. “You can sleep in my bed. I’ll take the couch.” Always the gentleman.

You opened your mouth to argue but he shook his head before you could, “I’m not letting you take the couch. So either you take the bed, or I end up on the floor. If you sleep on the couch I’m sleeping on the floor, so either way I’m not sleeping in my bed. Would you rather me sleep on the couch or the floor?” He didn’t give you much choice, but you knew he wasn’t bluffing. Groaning, you lifted yourself off the couch, ignoring his cheeky laugh as he led you back to his room, turning on the light and showing you where everything was in case you needed it. He then reminded you that he’d be on the couch in the event you needed him for anything, saying goodnight and giving you another hug before leaving his room and shutting the door to give you some privacy.

Everything felt like a daydream up until that point, a sigh leaving your lips now that you were alone in his bedroom. You locked the door so you could change into your nightclothes. After you had done so, you moved to unlock the door, your attention grabbed by an out of place manga just after. You walked over, picking it up and moving to put it back in its place, only for pages to fall out of it, your eyes widening when you thought you had accidentally ruined something of his, only to notice when going to pick them up that they were song lyrics and different ideas for songs. You felt like you were invading his privacy, quickly trying to stuff the pages back into the manga before your eyes fell upon your name. Furrowing your eyebrows, you couldn’t help but look over the page, eyes widening.

There was a knock on the bedroom door and before you could react Jisung was already in the room. “Sorry I forgot that I need to get my clothes-” He stopped once he caught sight of you, clearly in shock with how he simply stood there. You smiled sheepishly, placing the paper you held back into the manga and closing it. “I didn’t mean to look through it. I was going to put it up because I saw that it wasn’t where it was supposed to be and then a bunch of pages fell out.” You tried to explain, Jisung finally moved to take the manga from you, setting it back down on his desk before looking you in the eyes.

“You read it didn’t you?” His voice was calm, but you could tell by how quickly his eyes were scanning your face that he was anxious to hear your answer. Nodding, you bit down on your bottom lip, unsure of what to say or do. Jisung sighed, taking a step back and running a hand through his bleached locks, “God- I didn’t want you to find that… I meant to tell you, like actually tell you. I wanted to send you that song once I had finished it.” He mumbled, his admission making your cheeks heat up a little. So you weren’t reading too much into everything.

Reaching forward, you pulled Jisung into a hug, clearly surprising him as he squeaked in surprise. “Wh-” Before he could even finish his question, you interjected. “I like you too Ji.” It was simple, it was to the point, it was the truth. You felt Jisung tense in your grip before relaxing completely only seconds later, pulling you closer to him as he let out a breathy chuckle. “So, I don’t need to send you that song?” He questioned, looking down at you as you smiled. “I’d still love to hear it.” Smiling, Jisung leaned down, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I think I’ll finally be able to finish it now.”

That was how everything had started, and that was what got you here. Laying in your shared bed staring up at the ceiling as the subtle sound of clicking and the drag of a computer mouse filled the room. You weren’t sure how long you had been laying here, but it had been a while. Slowly, you turned your body to the side, seeing your boyfriend's back turned towards you, facing his monitors, headphones over his ears. You weren’t sure when was the last time the two of you had actually spent any time together. In between work and his constant gaming addiction, it seemed you were always left to occupy yourself. When you got back from your job, he was usually asleep, so you’d climb into bed with him and sleep yourself. Almost every time when you would get up, he’d either be gone or sitting at his desk and playing video games. That was when your dislike for video games began.

Today was no different it seemed, a quiet sigh leaving your lips as you reached over to your nightstand, picking up your phone and checking the time. It was late. Though you could have guessed that by how dark the room was, the LEDs on the ceiling the only thing illuminating the room. They had been Jisung’s idea, but you hadn’t objected since you figured it would be both of your living space and he ought to have some things of his own as well. You felt a sinking in your chest as you came to the realization that your fear was more than likely true. You had gone off to work that morning hoping, praying that Jisung would at least remember your birthday. But it seemed he hadn’t, far too engrossed in his video games to even notice you were awake.

Gulping, you pulled yourself off of the mattress, deciding you weren’t going to make a big scene. You left the bedroom in silence, going out to the small living room of the apartment and sitting yourself down on the couch in front of the TV. You could feel tears pricking at your eyes, but you wouldn’t let them fall. Reaching forward, you turned on the TV, figuring a distraction would help keep all of your emotions at bay. That or it would drown out the sound of you crying once you finally broke, knowing it was only a matter of time before that actually became reality. You didn’t even bother to actually pay attention to what you had put on the screen, merely turning up the volume as you pulled your knees up to your chest, lowering your head so you could no longer see.

You weren’t sure where things had gone wrong. Really, nothing had. You and Jisung had been very happy from the beginning, and you had no issues up until you both actually decided to move in together. You thought that living together would have actually made it easier on the both of you, not having to manage your work/life load as much. Trying to date while living two hours away from each other and having jobs on top of that made things harder, but now that you two were actually living in the same apartment, it felt like you actually spent less time with each other. Odd how that worked.

In the moment, you were tempted to just grab your things and leave, overwhelmed with the amount of emotions you were feeling. Anger, sadness, betrayal, loneliness… it was all just piling on. It probably didn’t help that you never expressed how you were feeling, pretending everything was just fine when you knew it wasn’t. You were just never one to create a problem, opting to just suffer than make anyone else uncomfortable or feel bad. The sound of someone knocking on the door had forced any tears that were about to fall back into your tear ducts. You knew Jisung couldn’t hear with his headphones on, so you begrudgingly picked yourself off of the sofa, sulking over to the door and prying it open, looking out with a dead expression up until your eyes met ones you hadn’t seen in months.

“Chan?” You breathed, unable to believe he was actually standing in front of your apartment. When you had moved in with Jisung, you had moved to Incheon in order to not make it hard on him. This had caused you to leave your family and friends behind, including your friend since middle school, Bang Chan. He always had impeccable timing. Beaming, Chan held out a box that held a cake in it, a present in his other hand as he tilted his head sweetly, his curls falling just slightly. “Happy birthday Y/n! Surprised you didn’t I?” He chuckled slightly, watching as you took a step back, a hand over your mouth as you tried to contain yourself.

It seemed to be just enough to send you over the edge however, tears spilling from your eyes before you could stop them, a broken sob leaving your lips as Chan’s happy expression quickly changed to one of concern. “Oh God-'' He didn’t even ask to be let in despite having never visited yours and Jisung’s apartment before, stepping in, he shut the door with his foot. It took him only seconds to find a place to set down the cake and present he held, bending down slightly as he held your arms and tried to look you in the eyes, seemingly searching them for an answer. “Y/n what’s wrong?” He had known you for so long, there was no getting out of this one.

He knew that you never cried in front of anyone unless something was really wrong. That or you had been holding in your emotions for too long. This time it happened to be both. You weren’t able to blame it on being happy to see him, he’d be able to tell you were lying immediately. God why had he decided to visit you now of all times? Sniffling, you tried your best to stop crying, shakily wiping away your tears before Chan wiped the remainder away with his thumb, arching an eyebrow as he awaited an answer.

“I-I just… God…” You fumbled over your words, not exactly sure how to explain what was going through your head to Chan. Of course, it seemed he could sense this, taking your wrist and leading you over to the couch you had previously been curled up on, sitting you both down and smiling softly. “You can take your time Y/n. I’m not gonna rush you. Just tell me what’s going on and why you’re so upset.” He always had to be so understanding and kind. You just weren’t sure if he would be as understanding and kind to your boyfriend after you told him what was bothering you. He had always been overprotective and had even tried to talk you out of moving in with Jisung in the first place.

“O-Okay well, it’s really not that big of a deal. It’s just Jisung and I haven’t been spending much time together lately. I’m just lonely and upset.” You mumbled, watching Chan’s jaw harden at the mention of Jisung, his eyes narrowing and growing dark as he tried to put the pieces together. There were things you weren’t telling him and he knew it. “Is he busy with work?” He questioned, your heart clenching. Chan really was just going to get to the root of the issue wasn’t he?

“He is sometimes…” You trailed off, nibbling on your bottom lip as you avoided Chan’s gaze. You hated it when he got angry. It was rare for him to do so, but when he did, he was terrifying. “What about other times?” His voice was cool and even, showing no signs of anger, but you knew better. You knew he was probably itching to get his hands on Jisung and in your mind you were wondering whether letting him in was a good idea.

“Well… when he gets back from work he usually sleeps or plays his games. When I get back from work he’s either at his job, sleeping or gaming. I mean, gaming is his form of stress relief so… I get it. It used to be mine so I can’t really be upset with him for that. I can’t be mad at him for sleeping or going to work either. It’s not that big of a deal.” You were making excuses for him and you knew it. But you didn’t want Chan to lose his cool. The thought was more scary than spending your birthday alone. “So he’s choosing video games over you.” Chan stated bluntly, anger creeping into his voice.

Slowly, you decided to look at him, only to see he wasn’t even looking at you now, but rather around the apartment, one of his fists clenched as he tapped his foot against the hardwood floor. You didn’t respond to his statement, so it was only a few moments before he looked you in the eyes, giving you a look that told you to correct him if he was wrong. You searched your mind for something, anything, but you came up with nothing, gulping as you slowly lowered your head, sighing shakily. “I-I guess.” You whispered, feeling your body grow cold as you admitted it to yourself aloud. Chan cleared his throat, nodding as he looked around the apartment once again. “Is he at work right now?” The silence that filled the apartment was his only indication of that, but when you looked around, unsure, he could tell that he was wrong in his assumption.

“He’s here right now isn’t he?” He scoffed, the anger he had been holding back making a swift appearance as he got to his feet. Eyes widening, you quickly grabbed onto your friend's arm, knowing he could easily overpower you and do what he wanted, but he wouldn’t. He may know you like the back of his hand, but you knew him just as well. “Chan please. Don’t make this a big thing. I’m already upset and things getting out of hand is only going to make it worse.”

“Y/n-” Chan started, looking back at you, anger fading as he looked into your eyes, knowing that ultimately he was going to do whatever it was you asked of him. “Can I just talk to him? You and I both know that you don’t deserve to be treated like this.” He bargained, only causing you to shake your head in disagreement. “You know for a fact that you won’t be able to hold yourself back if you ‘just talk to him’.” You gave him a knowing look and he simply huffed, averting his gaze. He knew you were right.

“You brought cake right? How about we just have that and hang out? That’d make me feel better.” Chan’s tension had eased slightly at your request, taking a deep breath as he nodded, deciding he was simply going to appease you since it was your birthday after all. Getting off of the couch, Chan grabbed the cake and present he had set down in a hurry, going into the kitchen and setting it down once again. You followed shortly after him, looking over as he opened the box, a soft smile gracing your lips. He had remembered your favorite color. “It’s very pretty.” You praised. Chan clicked his tongue as he opened a pack of candles, starting to place them on the top of the cake. “Of course it is, I picked it out.” He teased, causing you to roll your eyes and smack his arm. “God you’re annoying.”

Snickering he shrugged his shoulders, pulling a lighter out of his pocket and carefully lighting the candles. “Yet you still miss me. Crazy how that works.” Looks like you two were right back to how you had always been. He wasn’t wrong though, you had really missed him. Being pulled away from everything you knew just for Jisung had been hard, but it had been something you were willing to do for your relationship. One you weren’t even sure was there anymore. Pulling you from your thoughts, Chan started singing. His voice had always been amazing. After he had finished, you blew out the candles, Chan grinning and ruffling your hair before pulling out the candles and starting to search the kitchen for something to cut the cake with. “So, what did you wish for?”

He always asked that question. Every single birthday of yours without fail. You always responded with the same thing. “You know I can’t tell you that. If I tell you it won’t come true.” Laughing, Chan shook his head, amazed that you still stuck by that. “You actually think that matters?” He questioned, earning a nod from you as you opened the drawer that held your kitchen utensils, pulling out a knife and handing it to Chan who thanked you before getting to work on cutting the cake. “Have any of your wishes come true that you haven’t told anyone about?” He pondered, the question making you think back on your previous birthday wishes.

“Mmm, there have been a few actually.” Chan gave you a questioning look, pausing as he did so. “Like what? Since they’ve already happened you should be able to tell me right?” You considered it before figuring that he was probably right, pulling out two plates and forks before sitting yourself down on one of the barstools that were placed along the island in the kitchen. “For my sixteenth birthday I wished for a skateboard and I ended up getting it that day.” You stated, Chan smirking as he continued to cut the cake, shaking his head.

“Maybe because you had been bugging your parents for it for a whole year. Only to never use it despite me telling you I’d teach you how to ride it.” He added in the last part just to chastise you, placing a piece of cake on a plate before handing it to you along with a fork. “I highly doubt that had anything to do with your wish.” You rolled your eyes as you took a bite of cake, humming quietly. He had remembered your favorite flavor of cake too. Of course he had.

“You don’t have to hate on me for believing in birthday wishes just because you don’t Chan. I get it, you’re too grown up to believe in something silly and childish like birthday wishes.” You could tell he got slightly irked by your words, scoffing as he got himself a piece of cake. “That’s not even it-”

“Then what is it?” You cut him off before he could finish, tilting your head slightly as you stared at him. Chan slowly took a bite of cake, looking you in the eyes, considering his next words carefully. “None of my birthday wishes ever came true. So I stopped believing in things like that. I think it’s endearing that you still do though.” He admitted, causing you to frown. “None of them? Not one?” You questioned, Chan seeming to think back on it as he stood there in silence, looking down at the cake. “Mm, I guess there was one that came true?” He sounded unsure, but you leaned forward in your seat, smiling as you waited for him to elaborate.

“I think it was my eighth birthday? The memory is kind of foggy, but I remember wishing for another sibling. It’s kind of dumb now that I think about it, but it did come true.” He shrugged, looking back up at you as you giggled while taking another bite of cake. “I’d say that’s a pretty big wish. The stars probably just figured that wish was enough for a while.” Chan rolled his eyes, snickering as he shook his head. “Yeah sure, whatever you say Y/n.”

The two of you enjoyed each other’s presence for a while, seeming to forget about the issue at hand which was exactly what you had been wanting. Not wanting to confront it or make a big deal out of anything. Chan was helping you ignore your problems and you were more than grateful, the male stating that he wanted to watch you open the present he had got you, so you both moved from the kitchen to the living room, the TV still playing whatever it was you had put on. Gingerly, Chan set the present on your lap, waiting patiently for you to open it.

You had always gotten nervous when it came to opening gifts. You were never a fan of surprises and presents were just wrapped surprises. Slowly, you pulled the tissue paper out of the bag, peeking inside. Your eyes widened once you realized what it was he had gotten you, gasping as you practically ripped it out of the bag, looking it over with wide eyes. “Oh my god- This is so expensive Chan. You really shouldn’t have.” You pried your eyes from the present to meet his gaze, seeing just how happy he was with your reaction to the gift. “I knew you’d like it. I’m sure you’ve been eyeing it for a while now. You always do that with the new lines.” He stated, making you nod in agreement.

“I actually had this in my cart for when I could afford it. It still scares me how well you know me. I never even told you about the new line.” Chan simply shrugged, acting as if it was no big deal. “What can I say, I’m just that good.” He chuckled, already leaning back as you reached forward to smack him.

For a few hours the two of you just sat and talked, not even realizing just how late it was getting. The two of you were making up for lost time, only able to talk over the phone or text, sometimes video call depending on just how busy the two of you were. Life as a producer was busy, that was also part of the reason you were so surprised he had shown up at your front door. It was the last thing you had been expecting. Just like you hadn’t been expecting Jisung to leave your bedroom. It seemed he and Chan had noticed each other’s presence before you had even noticed Jisung, standing silently in the hallway as he looked between the two of you. You immediately turned your gaze to Chan, seeing the look that was on his face before had returned. That wasn’t good.

“Who is that-?” Jisung finally spoke, looking at you with confusion and slight fear. It was then you remembered that Jisung and Chan had never officially met, your eyes widening as you motioned over to your childhood friend. “Chan. Bang Chan. I’ve told you about him, remember? My best friend since middle school.” You explained, Jisung’s expression growing more relaxed as he slowly nodded, remembering discussing him before. “Ah, yeah. We’ve never met before.” Jisung smiled, making his way over to the couch and holding out his hand.

Chan stared at it for a moment before deciding not to be a total ass. He took his hand and shook it, gripping it tightly before paying Jisung a sickeningly sweet smile. “No we haven’t. I’m sorry for not telling you before coming over but I thought I’d surprise Y/n for her birthday.” There it was. You had been expecting him to say something, but you hadn’t been expecting him to say it right out of the gate like that. Confusion was written on Jisung’s face for a moment before his eyes widened in realization, his gaze quickly flitting to yours. “O-Oh…” It seemed he finally understood the tension coming from Chan.

Slowly you lowered your gaze, fiddling with the present Chan had gotten you. Jisung took a moment to look at it before looking to the kitchen, seeing the cake sitting on the counter. “Y/n… I’m… I-I didn’t realize…” He stammered, unsure of what to say or do. After all, there wasn’t much he could do now. “It’s fine.” You mumbled out, forcing a smile as you looked up at him, hating to see just how upset and guilty he looked. Chan on the other hand, wasn’t having it.

“Look, I know it’s our first time meeting and Y/n told me not to make a scene, so I won’t. However, it’s not fine. You should know Y/n well enough to know that she doesn’t like to voice what’s upsetting her. You may be busy with work, or stressed, or whatever, but you ignoring her for your video games is something that shouldn’t be happening. Forgetting her birthday? Don’t you think that’s a little much? Do you see the problem? Y/n shouldn’t have to beg you for attention. You should be paying attention to your girlfriend regardless of what your work life is like and if you can’t handle that, you shouldn’t be stringing her along. She doesn’t deserve that and you know it.” His words were harsh and to the point, but he got across what he wanted to. Jisung gulped, biting on his lower lip as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“You’re right.” Jisung mumbled, hanging his head. “I’ve gotten so absorbed in gaming because of stress from work, but that’s not an excuse. I should have been paying more attention to Y/n, so much more attention. I-I honestly can’t believe I forgot her birthday. I didn’t even realize just how bad I was getting… I just…” He sighed, stopping himself as he turned from Chan to look at you, taking a few steps closer before bending down slightly to look you in the eyes. “I’m so sorry Y/n. Really I am. I don’t have any excuses. How I’ve been treating you is wrong and I realize that. I promise I’ll change.” He spoke softly, searching your eyes as he apologized.

You could tell he was being genuine, seeing tears pricking at his eyes as he spoke to you. “You’d better or I’ll come right back here and take her home with me.” Chan muttered, causing you to roll your eyes at him. “Chan-” You chided, earning a sigh from him as he stood up, placing his hands in the air as a sign of defeat as he made his way into the kitchen. “Sorry, I’ll give you guys a minute.” It was clear he didn’t want to, but he would do it for you.

Sighing quietly once Chan had left the room, you looked to Jisung and patted the part of the couch Chan had just been sitting on, waiting for Jisung to take his place before sitting crisscrossed and facing him. “Ji… I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not upset. I am. I’m really upset. I had honestly thought that you would pull through and remember my birthday but you didn’t. It honestly felt like a stab to the heart. However, I’m also not going to say you’re completely at fault since I haven’t been honest and voiced how I was feeling to you. Keeping quiet and just letting things get worse was my own doing and I’m sorry I didn’t communicate with you.” You mumbled, Jisung furrowing his eyebrows and shaking his head as he reached forward, taking hold of both of your hands. “Hey, no. You’re not taking the blame for this. You shouldn’t be apologizing to me when you haven’t done anything wrong. You never once forgot anything important to me and I forgot your birthday. That’s huge and I’m gonna be apologizing for it forever. I should have realized what I was doing to you. That was my fault not yours, okay?”

You frowned, getting ready to disagree. “I’m not budging on this one. You have no reason to be apologizing to me. You know I’m right.” You didn’t, but you weren’t going to argue with him. Once Jisung saw you were done trying to blame yourself, he sighed, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your forehead, the memory of the day you had first met in person coming back to you. “I’m really really sorry and I’m gonna make it up to you somehow, I promise.” You hummed, closing your eyes as Jisung pulled you into his chest. This was more contact than you had with him over the past few months.

“You’re making a lot of promises tonight Han Jisung.” You mumbled, wrapping your arms around him and looking up as he nodded in agreement. “I know, but I plan to keep them. I’m going to change and I’m going to make it up to you.” Smiling faintly, you hummed again, not wanting to say anything else as you rested against your boyfriend's chest, closing your eyes as you allowed yourself to relish in his presence. You hadn’t fully forgiven him, you were sure he knew that as well, but you were just glad the biggest thing was out of the way and you wouldn’t have to tiptoe around the issue anymore. The rest of it would be him regaining your trust and fulfilling his promises. “Happy birthday baby.” A quiet mumble left Jisung’s lips as he kissed the top of your head, earning a smile from you.

“Technically her birthday has already passed. It’s nearly two in the morning.” Chan suddenly cut in, causing both you and Jisung to turn and look at him, you with a glare and Jisung with a questioning gaze. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. I see you two have made up for the most part so uh, seeing as I traveled two hours to get here, you both mind if I crash on the couch?” You opened your mouth to speak, but Jisung beat you to it. “Sure, it actually pulls out into a bed since my old roommate comes over sometimes and crashes. I can set it up for you.” His sudden agreement surprised you, but you decided not to question it, Chan nodding as he motioned towards the door.

“Cool. My stuff’s in my car so I’ll be back.” He then left without another word, Jisung watching him go before looking back at you. “Am I sleeping on the floor then?” He questioned, causing you to roll your eyes. “Ji, when have I ever made you sleep on the couch or anything like that?”

He smiled faintly, shrugging his shoulders as he lifted himself off the couch before helping you up. “Well technically the first day we met.” Shaking your head you went to the kitchen, putting the cake and everything else away as Jisung moved things around in the living room before pulling the couch out into a bed. “You were the one that didn’t let me sleep on the couch. I was going to, but you forced me to sleep on your bed.” As Jisung was fixing the pillows, Chan walked back into the apartment, this time locking the door behind him. He set his things down by the couch, giving Jisung a sideways look when their eyes met. “What-?” Jisung trailed off, looking down at the bed before looking back up at Chan.

“Blankets?” Jisung’s eyes widened. “Oh. Oh yeah right, sorry.” He swiftly turned and walked down the hall towards the small closet that held clean blankets and pillows they kept aside. From the kitchen, you gave Chan a look that told him to knock it off, the male deciding to act like he had no idea what you were looking at him like that for. Jisung returned with blankets in hand, setting them down on the bed. “There, is this enough?” He questioned, Chan looking them over for a moment before simply nodding. “Yeah, that’s fine.” No thank you, no ounce of appreciation in his voice.

Jisung cleared his throat, nodding slowly before turning around and making his way into the kitchen where you were cleaning up and telling you that he’d do it. It took a bit of convincing, but eventually he had kicked you out of the kitchen, finishing up by himself. You huffed as you went over to Chan who was fixing his bed for the night. “You know you don’t have to be such an ass to him. He apologized.” You mumbled, keeping your voice quiet so Jisung didn’t hear. Chan sighed, straightening out the blankets before grabbing his bag and setting it on the bed, looking through his things. “I’m still pissed at him. He’s lucky I didn’t beat him into the ground. The only reason I didn’t is because you told me not to.”

“And I appreciate that, but he is still my boyfriend and I would like for you two to get along. I don’t want to have to play mediator any time you two are around each other.” There was silence for a moment before Chan sighed, nodding in agreement. “Fine. I’ll tone it down.” Smiling, you gave him a small hug, “Thank you.” You peeped, him only groaning in acknowledgement.

“Where’s your bathroom so I can change?” You showed him to the bathroom before starting back down the hall towards the kitchen, only to meet Jisung halfway, him holding your gift from Chan in his arm, folded nicely. He lifted it, smiling sheepishly. “He’s really good with gifts huh? I know you’ve been eyeing this thing since the new line came out.” You were genuinely surprised he had known that since he had been so preoccupied the last few months. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he seemed to notice. “You leave your tabs open a lot on your laptop. When I wake up for work you usually leave it out, so I noticed that you were looking at it fairly often.” He explained, your eyes widening slightly. “Oh… I didn’t even realize.” You half-whispered, Jisung chuckling quietly.

“I’ll go put this up.” He smiled before brushing past you and into your room. Chan left the bathroom only moments after, changed into a t-shirt and sweatpants much like Jisung had been wearing as long as you’d been awake. “You should sleep. It’s late.” He spoke, causing you to nod before watching him make his way down the hall towards the living room. “Are you going to sleep?” You asked, knowing that he had issues sleeping, always had.

“I’m gonna try, but don’t let me keep you up. I’ll be fine out here, I’m a grown man you know.” He teased, earning a quiet laugh from you. “Okay, well thank you for everything tonight Chan. I really appreciate it.” Turning, he smiled, his signature dimple smile. “No need to thank me. I just expect you to travel two hours for my birthday now. I’ve set the bar high.”

Your playful banter went on for a while longer before you both said goodnight and you retired to your shared room with Jisung. Stepping inside you shut the door behind you, immediately noticing Jisung busy unplugging all of his gaming stuff. Your eyes widened, “Ji- This isn’t… I didn’t mean you had to-” You couldn’t even form words, Jisung turning to look back at you. “I know. I just think it would be best for me to stop completely for now. Get things back in order before I even think about introducing this back into my life. It got way out of hand and I don’t want that to happen again. So I’m prioritizing.”

“B-But that’s… don’t you think it’s too much?” Your voice was quiet, unsure as Jisung shook his head, unplugging one final cord and picking himself up off of the floor, dusting himself off. “No. Considering I’ve put you on the side burner for months now, I think it’s more than enough. Gaming will always be there, but I don’t want to lose you because of it.” Shifting uncomfortably, you picked at your fingers, unsure about the whole thing. Jisung walked over, pulling you into his arms and resting his head on top of yours. “I’m sure about this okay? So don’t worry about it.”

“Okay…” You trailed off, deciding that if it was Jisung’s decision, you didn’t have any reason to argue with him. “Okay. Well, how about we go to sleep, and since you’re off tomorrow, I can take tomorrow off, probably call in sick-- and we can go do something, just me and you? There’s a fashion show downtown I believe. You can wear your new present from Chan and you’ll be the best dressed person, along with the best looking. Then we can go out to eat, or before. Whatever you wanna do baby.” Smiling you relaxed in his grasp, “That sounds great Ji.”

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thefanficmonster · 4 years

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Lucky Me (Sequel To Unlucky)

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Fluff

Summary: You aren’t always born with luck. Sometimes, you meet people who bring it to you. In short, they are your lucky charm.

Requested: Yes, but not in a typical way. A big thank you to all the wonderful people who read, liked, reblogged and commented on part one - Unlucky.

@susceptible-but-siriusexual @simonsbluee @save-the-sky @hacker-ghost @itsminniekat @bi-andready-tocry @imtiredaffff @jazzkaurtheglorious @hereforbeebo @fandomgirl17 and many more ❤❤❤

They are the reason this story is being written. What was originally supposed to be an elaborate one-shot turned into the most liked piece I’ve ever written. I can’t thank you enough, guys. You are amazing and I hope you like this one just as much or even more than the previous. Love you ❤❤❤

Y/N’s POV

I’m grinning at my reflection in the mirror as I put on a pair of earrings. My face is already touched-up with a little make-up and my hair is looking on point. I can almost see my own reflection in the shine of excitement in my eyes. I take in my upper body via a quick once-over in the full body mirror opposite me, and I finally relax my muscles that I didn’t ever realize I was tensing.

“OK, now I’m ready.“ I say as a form of encouragement as I reach behind me for my phone that’s sitting on my bed.

You might be wondering where I’m going? Who I’m going with? What’s the occasion behind this many preparations and pampering?

The answer: Nowhere. No one. Nothing. I’m literally not even going to leave my house.

It might seem ridiculous to someone else, but to me, to my hypnotized mind, it’s perfectly reasonable to be getting so amped up over a FaceTime call. Yeah, you heard me correctly - a FaceTime call.

Well, you see, this isn’t the first time we FaceTime, but it will be the first time we’ll see each other’s faces. I wanted to level the field so I didn’t let him on to what I look like, where exactly I live, etc. Basically, he only knows my name, which I am still prepared to call unfair, considering I don’t know his real name.

A brief backstory to my first ever real interaction with Corpse: I was introduced to him by my friends. They are the ones I always turned to with all the scary shit happening in my life. Often times they didn’t know weather to comfort me or laugh at my curse. My friends suggested I start sharing it to a youtuber named Corpse Husband. You see, I love YouTube narrators and I’ve always been a fan of Mr. Nightmare and I, to be perfectly honest, always kept the idea of sending him my stories in the back of my mind. Nevertheless, I bit the bullet and checked out on of this Corpse Husband guy’s videos. And then another. And another. And before I knew it I was having a marathon after which I was too paranoid to get online, walk home alone at night, leave my curtains open etc. It wasn’t all thanks to the stories themselves. A lot of the fear factor these stories strike with should be credited to the way they are read. Let me tell you, this guy had it all figured out with the reading. Not sending him my stories would just be wrong. So I did, I sent him my first ever creepy encounter which was with a stalker from my high school and it took me only two days to forget about it. It only crossed my mind when my friends blew my phone up, demanding I watched Corpse’s new video. I kid you not, I got more scared by the story when he read it than when I lived it. That’s what settled it for me - I decided to send him each and every story.

And then one day, out of the blue, my life changed for the better in more ways than one. It got turned completely upside down, like a rollercoaster, and I just had to hold on and enjoy the ride, embrace the adrenaline rush and excitement, knowing full well that I chose to get on and there’s no way I can get off halfway through.

I’m being too metaphorical. He sent me an email. He freaking reached out to me. And I was posed with a rough choice. Took me a minute, but I chose to reply to him, I chose to trust him, and I couldn’t just leave him on read one day simply cause I chickened out. Yes, I’m unlucky and these things don’t happen to unlucky people. I mean, they do, but they are nightmares disguised as a dream come true. I’ve lived all my life cautiously: if something sounds too good to be true it’s either not as good as marketed or not true at all. If it’s dark and late and there are no people around, FaceTime someone. If your Uber driver’s sketchy, cancel the ride. I take all the precautions and I still find myself in the worst situations. Or at least...

My thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of my phone. A simple ringtone I hear every time he calls me. A simple sound that causes me butterflies when I hear it and ultimate devastation if the caller ID doesn’t read the name I want. It always gets me excited, probably more than it should. This time is different, however. It’s scary almost. I’m nervous, anxious, scared, hesitant - all things I never feel when I’m about to answer his call.

With shaky hands I pick up the call and find myself looking at the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. Now I know why I would have never initiated this meeting, because I know what color my face is right now. I know my voice has let me down before I even attempt to speak. I know I look like a mess. I know my obvious crush is showing.

Corpse initiated this meeting. He said he was getting too curious and he wanted one of his best friends to see him and for him to finally see her. It’s been about seven months since we first started texting and I haven’t let out a single peep about it to a single soul. It’s just between him and I. We are each other’s safe space away from the rest of the world.

“Thought you weren’t gonna pick up for a second there.“ His voice is not as confident as other times when we’ve talked. His trying to hide his own nervousness and all I wanna do is hug him and tell him he doesn’t have to. I kept telling him over and over again that we don’t have to do this if he’s not sure that he actually wants it. I even offered to show him what I look like, not expecting to see him in return but he declined, saying it was now his turn to even the field.

“I was in another room.“ I manage to say, my voice only shaking a little.

We spend a few moments just looking at each other. Admiring one another. For someone who prefers digital interaction, I am surprised to realize I wish he was actually standing in front of. I wish I could hug him. A long hug of comfort, mutual understanding and hidden feelings.

He lets out a short laugh, shaking his head which causes a few strands of hair to fall over his eyepatch, “I’m sorry...It’s just-...Fuck I’m stumbling.” He chuckles nervously, “I just...can’t believe you are real. You are a real person. And the most beautiful person I’ve seen. That’s corny, isn’t it.” He looks away from the screen, his face now a shade of red. “But I mean it. I’m embracing my corniness. You are beautiful, Y/N. Not that I’m flexing or anything, but I’m lucky to have met you.”

I laugh, feeling my eyes stinging from the tears that have suddenly formed. I don’t want to let them fall, but I don’t have much say in that. “Well, mister Corpse, I can’t begin to compare. I mean...that hair! I still cannot believe it’s you. You are not just a deep voice in my mind. You are....you are...”

“Everything you imagined and more?“ he jokes, making my whole body heat up. “I told you you could trust. I mean, if the hair doesn’t confirm I’m who I say I am, I don’t know what will.”

“Actually, I never tried to imagine what you looked like. I knew those visions...I knew they didn’t matter. Faces don’t matter to us, Corpse. I think you realize that.“

And just like that, all I’ve been keeping hidden is pouring out. I don’t try to stop it - you can’t stop a hurricane with bare hands.

“I never needed a face to imagine us. I always saw as talking on the phone, playing Among Us. Reading scary stories to each other on Discord. I never needed a face to imagine your company. To imagine what we could be...“ I trail off, letting the first tear slip down my cheek.

The most sincere look appears in his eyes, “Fuck, I wish I could hold your hand right now. Never mind, I wish I could hug you, Y/N. Hug you and not let go for a long time.”

I laugh halfheartedly, my chest burning from the intensity of this moment’s intimacy, “I can always tell you where I live.” I’m only half-joking. I really want to see him in real life, not just through a screen, but even this call is out of his comfort zone, let alone a physical meet up.

He surprises me yet again, “Saturday. I’ll bring the take out, you pick the movie.” he says with a smile that is literally saying ‘you didn’t see that coming, did you?’

“How are you sure I don’t live in a different state, or a different continent all together?“ I tease, making an attempt to put my composure back together.

He smirks, “I pay way more attention to your stories than you’d think.” I laugh, shaking my head as a pointless method of fighting the pesky tears that he has 100% noticed by this point. “By the way, just because we’re....” he thinks for a second, “in a weird zone between friendship and...something more, doesn’t mean you have to stop sending me stories. I absolutely love reading them for my audience. They love em too.”

I just realized I am yet to tell him the crazy miracle that has happened. “Well, the thing is...I don’t have any.” His eyebrows shoot up in shock which makes me laugh, “Yeah, I know, it’s crazy. Since the day we started talking I have not experienced a single scary thing. Deadass. I swear on my life.”

If I wasn’t so head over heels for this man already, the baffled expression on his face would definitely send me falling for him. He’s just that adorable. “Wow.”

“I know right.“ I nod, “Seems to me you have enough luck to share with me.“

His eyes light up at that comment, showing just how meaning full it is to him.

“You’re my lucky charm, Corpse.“

“I will never be more proud of any other title, Y/N. That I can promise you with no hesitation.“

“Deadass?“

“Deadass.“

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blakemetothemoon · 4 years

Text

Love in a Laundromat - SaifahZon, T, Ch. 2/?

Summary: Zon's favorite place is a laundromat. That is until a certain tall, handsome stranger steals his washer and seems hellbent on making Zon miserable.

Notes: Chapter 2! Unexpected Zon Angst! This is lookin’ like it’ll be longer than 4 chapters now oops

Read below or on ao3! :)

“You one hundred percent overreacted,” Tutor says after Zon recounts the whole encounter at the laundromat the night before.

It’s Friday afternoon and they’re doing their usual study session. The two of them are in different majors, but Zon struggles with some general studies and Tutor appreciates Zon’s company when studying gets too heavy and he needs Zon to make him laugh.

“It’s a washing machine, Zon.”

“Yeah, but I alw—”

“If you say ‘always’ one more time,” Tutor says, gaze steady and scary, “then I’m never tutoring you again.”

Zon’s mouth slams shut.

“And even though you're complaining, I know you're feeling guilty so just apologize to him,” Tutor continues, returning his attention to the math notes he’s reviewing. “You’re good at it because you have to do it so often.”

Zon huffs and pouts. What Tutor says is true. Zon is stubborn and childish, but he knows when he’s messed up. Apologies aren’t easy but he always feels worse if he doesn’t do them.

“Who knows if I’ll even see him again?” Zon mumbles, twirling his pen around his fingers. “That tall asshole giraffe might be scared off.”

For some reason that makes Tutor perk up. “How tall was he?”

Zon’s nose scrunches as he thinks back. “I don’t know? Like, 192 cm?”

“Was he handsome?”

The guy’s face instantly flashes through Zon’s mind. Not that it ever left. It’s annoying, actually, how he couldn’t stop thinking about that stupid, cocky smirk, that taunting eyebrow raise, those nice arms and pretty lips and—

“Definitely not,” Zon snaps back but can’t top the tip of his ears from turning red.

Tutor gives him a look that says he doesn’t believe him. “Did he tell you his name?"

“No. Why?”

The sudden mischievous glint in Tutor’s eye puts Zon on edge. “No reason. Oh, if you want to apologize you should buy him an iced coffee with cinnamon and vanilla syrup."

Then, before Zon can ask what the hell he’s talking about, Tutor uses the I’m-never-tutoring-you-again threat a second time and flicks Zon in the forehead to prove he’s serious.

The next Thursday, Zon arrives a little later than normal. He's decided to take Tutor's advice (like he always does) and stopped by the nearest coffee shop. He's partially hoping Tall Asshole Giraffe won't be there, but when Zon steps up to the door and sees the back of the guy's head, his heart skips a beat. Zon has to turn away to calm himself down, then it takes a good minute to psyche himself up again.

Juggling a laundry basket and a large iced coffee while opening the door is an unexpected challenge. Zon steps backwards, preparing to push it with his shoulder, when it suddenly opens. Zon’s balance is thrown off, but a hand, large and warm, catches his lower back and steadies him before he can fall.

Zon looks to see who caught him and immediately goes back to unsteady.

"Careful,” Tall Asshole Giraffe says, “or you'll throw laundry everywhere again."

Zon sputters. Tall Asshole Giraffe is so close that Zon's back hits the door when he jumps away.

"Don't make fun of me!"

Now at least Zon is annoyed enough to feel less stupid about the coffee. He shoves the drink into the guy's chest.

"Here!"

Tall Asshole Giraffe hesitantly takes the drink, staring at it with utter confusion. "What's this for?"

"It's an apology." Zon shuffles from one foot to the next. His grip on his basket is starting to shake but he forces himself to look at the other's face. "Sorry for yelling at you last week."

The guy goes speechless for only half a second, but it’s long enough for Zon to feel proud he isn’t the one caught off guard for once.

“Is it poisoned?” Tall Asshole Giraffe asks.

“No!” Zon says, louder than he means to. “I don’t know how to poison things!”

With that Zon shoves his way forward, purposely putting his laundry basket between them so they don’t touch. He storms over towards his usual washer. Annoyance is already rising because he knows the asshole is probably using it.

Except the machine currently shaking and buzzing isn’t Zon’s; it’s the one next to it, placed between his and the wall.

“Wait…,” Zon says and swirls around, sneakers squeaking. He stabs a finger towards his washer, currently not in use. “Why aren’t you using my...this machine?”

Tall Asshole Giraffe shrugs and takes a sip of his drink. His eyes light up like a puppy. Guess Tutor’s input on the coffee order had been bang on. “I thought about it, but you seem to have a powerful connection to it.”

“What the hell, don’t make it weird!”

“Hey, hey, I get it, promise. We all have something like that.” Tall Asshole Giraffe takes another drink and smirks around the straw. “It was pretty fun to make you mad, though.”

The smirk sends Zon somewhere between angry and swooning. The childish side takes over and he yanks open the washer’s door, pointedly ignoring the laugh his annoyed, puffed out cheeks earn him.

It isn't until Zon is shoving his clothes into his washing machine that Tall Asshole Giraffe says, "I’m Saifah, by the way.”

‘Saifah’ is a much... nicer name than Tall Asshole Giraffe. Zon nods, trying to be casual despite the way his goddam heart jumps again at the new information. “I’m Zon.”

"I know."

Zon turns his head so fast he's pretty sure he gets whiplash. "You know?"

"You're Tutor's friend."

"I am?” Zon shakes his head, trying to get his bearings back and not sound like a complete moron. “I mean, yeah, I am. And you...You know Tutor?"

“We’re pretty close since we're in the same major.”

That gives Zon pause. Saifah... now that he’s heard it, that name does sound familiar. Then why hadn’t Saifah introduced himself the first two times they met, if he knew who Zon was? And why didn’t Tutor...

Zon glances at the coffee in Saifah's hand. Iced with vanilla syrup and cinnamon.

Oh, that little shit. Tutor is about to get fifteen texts. They will be single, angry emojis, and Zon hopes they wake Fighter up so that Tutor has to deal with his grumpy ass.

Saifah rests his shoulder against the empty machine next to Zon's. Even leaning like that, Saifah's a head taller than Zon. A mischievous glimmer makes Saifah’s eyes damn near sparkly. "I've seen you around."

Zon’s mouth drops open and his cheeks are going to be permanently stained red at this point. He starts to stutter out some response that was about to be far from eloquent. But then Saifah raises the iced coffee to his mouth again and holds Zon’s gaze as he wraps his lips around the straw—

Music suddenly bursts from Zon's pocket. Zon has never been more grateful for a phone call in his life.

Of course, Saifah quirks a smile when Zon fumbles to answer it without even checking the caller ID.

Then the voice on the other end says Zon’s name and he very much wishes he had checked it.

“Hi, Mom,” Zon replies.

“Your sister mentioned you updated your story yesterday.”

Welp, straight to the point like Mom always was.

Did you even read the chapter? Zon thinks. But he bites the words back like he always does. He used to ask but the answers have been, “I didn’t have time” or “It’s not the genre I enjoy” for so long, it’s pointless to hope for a different answer now.

“Mom, it’s late,” Zon groans. Sometimes he wishes he hadn’t inherited his mother’s night owl tendencies. If he hadn’t, he would be sleeping right now and not having this repetitive conversation they've had a hundred times before. “Do we need to do this right now?”

“Don’t try to hang up on me. I know you do laundry on Thursday nights and that laundromat is always empty, so I know you’re alone.”

Zon’s eyes shift to Saifah before he can stop himself. Zon is half-expecting to make eye contact with Saifah and his heart speeds up at the possibility, but the other boy is playing a game on his phone. Whatever’s happening must be challenging, because there’s a crease in his brow and his lips are pursed in a pout. Zon can’t stop staring at it, wondering what else Saifah’s lips can do—

“Zon!”

“Uh, yes!”

Oh, great. Now Saifah is looking at him. Zon blushes so hot he can’t even offer an awkward smile before turning away.

“Are you listening?” his mom demands instead of asks.

“Yes,” Zon says again and sighs. “Mom—”

“Honey,” his mom interrupts, “I know you enjoy writing, but you need to focus on your studies.”

And there it is. Only one minute, forty-three seconds in, according to the call time when Zon glances at it. Top three quickest times. Impressive.

“You’re going to law school because you’re good at arguing.” His mother laughs like her pride at that part of Zon should soothe away the sting of her words. “Focus on your strengths, alright? The semester is almost over, so you’ll have plenty of time for...” She hums, searching for the right term, “hobbies then.”

A hobby. That’s all they want Zon’s writing to be. That’s all they believe it ever can be.

Not like his sister. Zol is popular. Her stories get millions of views and she can run ads on them and she’s already making an impressive amount of money. The comments are always positive and “can’t wait for more.” His parents share links to her stories on facebook. When Zon goes home for dinner a few times a month, the conversation is always Zol describing the next chapter or where she gets inspiration from. He loves his sister. For siblings so close in age, they get along better than most. Sure, they bicker and Zol tattles on him more than she should, but they would go to the ends of the earth for each other. But it still hurts, knowing his parents are so enthusiastic about her writing when they haven’t bothered reading a chapter of anything Zon’s written in, what, two years?

And Zon doesn’t dare to bring up to his mom and dad about how he’s writing lyrics now and even sings made-up melodies sometimes. Both of his parents are musicians and Zon’s heart can’t handle the inevitable disappointment when they tell him his songwriting and singing should remain a “hobby,” too.

“Okay,” Zon finally replies. Somehow he manages to keep his voice from shaking. All he wants is for this conversation to be over. “Yeah, I understand. Love you, too. Goodnight.”

Zon’s finger is still lingering over the screen of his phone when Saifah asks, “You okay?”

Zon jolts. He forgot he isn’t alone. And he has tears in the corners of his eyes. And he’s seriously about to fucking cry in a laundromat in front of someone like Saifah who is probably judging him.

Shit, ever since Saifah appeared, Zon’s done nothing but embarrass himself.

Though it’s not like Zon’s life was anything but an embarrassment before.

A deep breath, then two. Zon wipes the tears away with the sleeve of his t-shirt. He quickly bends down to grab his headphones and notebook out of his bag, then settles down onto the bench without a single glance Saifah's way.

“Yeah, I'm fine," Zon says. He clears his throat. "Thanks though.”

There’s a moment of silence where Zon wonders if Saifah will make fun of him like he’s done the last two times they met. Zon really doesn’t think he can handle it and he just apologized for yelling at Saifah, he really doesn’t want to do it again. But his mother’s words have made him feel cornered and on edge, and he always lashes out when this happens.

Saifah picks up on Zon’s mood and doesn’t press the topic further. With soft eyes and a nod, he leans back against the wall, one long leg crossing over the other. He busies himself with something else on his phone and leaves Zon to his music and notepad.

Except Zon’s notepad taunts him. When he tries to scribble words, nothing comes except more tears blurring his vision. Each stroke of his pen adds to the pressure on Zon’s chest. An unrelenting tightness that makes it difficult to breathe, makes him want to run and hide away forever.

Zon spends the rest of the night with his notebook shut tight in his lap and tries to drown his thoughts in music until the dryer finally signals it’s done.

#SaifahZon #ZonSaifah #SaiZon #Why R U #why r u the series #why r u?#blakemetothemoon #fic #fanfic

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nananaptime · 5 years

Note

Request scenario : na jaemin and (y/n) bff since they're smol and grew up together, now at high school when (y/n) meets a guy (can be one of the dreamies) who likes her, jaemin gets jealous bcs the guy is literally stealing her away, thankies♡ I luv u and ur writing so much author nim♡♡♡

Open Your Eyes

This took so long, oops xD

I hope you like it

MasterlistRules

Genre: Angsty?

Word count: 2 401

Summary: Being in love with your best friend becomes obvious once there’s a reason for jealousy.

Jaemin gave me a confused look as I skipped towards where my bike was parked outside the apartment complex and giggled as I approached him with it at my side. A judging look crossed his face as I the sound resonated from my throat, causing it to become even louder. He sighed, fighting the smile willing to appear on his face.

“What are you so happy about? Please, give me my normal friend back.” We climbed onto our bikes and started biking towards our local high school. He received my explanation all the while, listening and scoffing at the reason behind my giddiness. “So you’re reacting like this because someone new is joining our year? I knew you liked meeting new people but wow, not to this extent.” I shook my head at his teasing comments, knowing he meant nothing by it.

“From what I hear, he’ll be in my English and history classes, and I’ll do everything in my power to make him feel welcome. You know new students more often than not have a hard time adapting to school life with new people, especially when transferring in the middle of a semester.” He nodded, acknowledging the fact but not fighting the small pout that soon appeared on his face.

“Yeah, but someone else can do that, we were supposed to eat out at the bleachers today, and then you said you’d watch me practice my dancing after school.” The whiney tone grew with every word and I giggled at his behaviour.

“He can join us can’t he? If I’m not incorrect, I’ve snapped up that he dances as well so maybe you two can exchange tips or something. I’m not trusting someone else with the important task of making someone else feel welcome.” I caught the huff which left Jaemin’s lips but no more arguments followed it, and so we biked the rest of the way in peace.

We parted ways with a hug once we reached the school, him having to attend his science class and I, my English class.

There was already a boy talking to the teacher when I arrived, seemingly settling details such as the coursebook and what he already knew from his last school. He was clad in a slightly oversized hoodie with a pair of black jeans. I waited until they were done before approaching the desk with a smile. Ms, Williams had a knowing look in her eyes, silently thanking me for what she knew I was about to offer.

“Ms, Williams! Knowing how difficult it is to find students who have the time and want to introduce a new student to the school, I’m more than happy to shoulder the responsibility.” Ms, Williams’ smile grew as I finished my sentence and she instantly agreed, finding the idea to be exceptional. She encouraged the new student to connect with me today and suggested being seatmates in her class, knowing that might spur some conversation during the practical half of the class. With that said, I threw the new student a smile, relieved to see that he was already smiling back at me, seemingly not having anything against spending some time with me.

As we sat down, I introduced myself and found out that his name was Jeno in the process. His smile was so bright that his eyes were almost impossible to spot and just the sight of it caused another smile to appear on my lips. During the class, I spent most of the time explaining what we had been going over the past couple of weeks and later helped him as much as I could with the practical exercises. The entire ordeal was filled with laughter and jokes and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten this close to someone this quick before. Well, except for Jaemin.

Just before bidding each other goodbye I asked whether or not he’d the willing to join me and Jaemin for lunch later on. He shone up as soon as my enquiry registered and accepted with immense energy. Then he thanked me for giving him something to look forward to before being on his way to geography class.

The rest of the morning, I had a difficult time concentrating on what the teachers said, math had never come easy to me either way and hence, not concentrating did not make the challenge smaller. All I could think about was whether or not Jaemin would click with Jeno just as much as I did. He usually got along with everybody, so it shouldn’t be that much of an issue, but for some reason, I had a bad feeling at the bottom of my belly.

Jaemin met me outside the classroom and accompanied me to the cafeteria where we fetched our food. I didn’t get responses that was satisfactory while describing my encounter with Jeno. This only resulted in my bad feeling becoming worse and I threw a glare his way.

“Dude, you haven’t even met him, give him a chance before adapting that whiney personality you so regularly seem to display.” I accepted my food with gratitude and turned to him, stopping in the doorway to wait for Jeno to join us.

“He’s just a guy, no need to put him on such a pedestal.” I rolled my eyes as Jaemin sourly popped a potato tot into his mouth.

“Just you wait, you’ll like him, you like everybody, you don’t have it in you to dislike someone once you’ve met them, no matter how much you might want to.” He scoffed at me before stealing one of my fries. “Hey, you have your own food!” I exclaimed and laughed, moving my tray of food away from him.

“You took the last fries though!” He tried snatching yet another one but I smacked his hand away, causing him to retrieve it in fake shock. “Oh, now you’ve done it!” My shrieks caused many faces to turn our way as Jaemin’s finger found its way to my side, resulting in me crumbling in fits of laughter and screams, desperately trying to stabilize my tray of food in my arms while avoiding his attacks like the plague.

The ruckus ended only when someone cleared their throat beside us.

“Jeno!” I exclaimed, giving him a smile in return of the one he displayed on his face. “Jeno, this is my best friend Jaemin. Nana, this is Jeno.” Jeno extended his hand for a greeting which Jaemin accepted, albeit unwillingly. I bumped his shoulder, shooting him a meaningful look, telling him to be nice. With a small roll of his eyes, he turned his frown into a smile, putting in an effort to engage in some kind of conversation with Jeno. Satisfied with the current course of events, I started walking towards the bleachers, the boys behind me having a conversation regarding some new video game I wasn’t familiar with.

I sat down on one of the cold, metal benches outside, with Jaemin taking a seat next to me and Jeno on the bench further down in front of me, turned the wrong way around in order to exert some social sense. He joined in my and Jaemin’s talk about his upcoming dance recital which turned into me investigating his own dance story and what style he prefered. I could feel Jaemin’s eyes burning into the side of my face but did my best to ignore it, more surprised than anything as to why he wasn’t happy to talk about his biggest interest.

I asked Jeno if he could show us some moves, which he declined, explaining that he needed to warm up if he was to do any move justice. I heard Jaemin scoff at this and glanced at him, seeing him with his eyes turned to his food which he was just poking around at with his fork. Jeno’s smile faltered slightly but he continued socializing happily, not letting Jaemin’s rude behaviour get him down.

“You could show me another time then! We have many dance rooms at the school due to it being an extracurricular activity.”

“That’s a good idea! I might need to buy new dancing shoes though, but I think I have the time to do that today after school. I need to check out this city anyway.” He took a bite of his food.

“If you want, I could accompany you and show you around. Wouldn’t want you getting lost.” All he could do was laugh at my joke, and nodded to accept my request.

“Y/N… You said you’d watch me dance after school.” I turned my attention to Jaemin and my heart broke slightly at the sad expression on his face, a small pout adorning his lips.

“Ah… Yes, I forgot about that. Can we postpone it? I mean, I’ve watched you dance so many times, it’s not like I’m missing anything, right?” His eyes shifted down to his food and a small “Yes” left his lips, leaving me feeling incredibly guilty. Before we could continue the conversation, the bell went off, alerting us of the end of lunch.

The shoe shopping had been quite enjoyable, especially since it had been followed by a cup of coffee at my favourite café as well as a visit to the bookstore and the game store, indulging in one interest each. We then bid each other goodbye at the bus stop as we were going in different directions and hence, catching different busses. We also decided to meet up earlier at the school library the next day as he needed some help with the History material he had gotten from their history teacher.

That’s where I was when my phone started ringing on the table beside me. I realised my mistake when I noticed the caller ID and answered it with a timid “hello”.

“Y/N, where are you, I’ve been waiting outside your place for ten minutes now and you’re never late.” The guilt instantly took hold of me.

“I am so sorry, Nana. I forgot to let you know that I was going to school earlier today. I’m helping Jeno with some school work.” I heard him suppress a groan.

“You’re with Jeno?”

“Yeah, he needed-”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I’ll see you later.” Then he hung up. I looked at the phone, feeling a lump in my belly at the thought of having hurt my best friend. My best friend whom I’ve tried suppressing my feelings for the last couple of years. My best friend who’s never left my side and always prioritised me, even over himself. which I’ve scolded him for on several occasions. I knew my own faulty traits, one of them being focusing all my energy on one event or one person and hence forgetting everything else around me. I can’t believe I let it affect Jaemin like this.

“You okay?” Jeno asked carefully, giving me a sympathetic look. I nodded slightly.

“Yeah! Yeah, let’s finish this before our classes start shall we.” I received another nod and we continued in silence, only talking when he had a question.

I didn’t see Jaemin until lunch, which he was spending alone by a table in the corner of the cafeteria, earphones in and ignoring the world around him. I fetched my food and sat down in front of him. He glanced up at me before removing his earphones with a sigh and putting them in his pocket.

“Nana, I really am sorry.”

“It’s fine, who am I to decide who you can and can’t hang out with.” He didn’t look at me as he said it and every word had been dipped in bitterness. A small sigh left my lips, trying to think of how I could fix this.

“You have dance practice this afternoon as well, right?” He nodded and continued eating. “I’ll join you then and you can show me what you’ve been working on!” I attempted to smile at him but it fell as quickly as I’d manage to conjure it.

“I can dance alone, you go spend time with Jeno.” Then he left to leave his now empty tray, leaving me alone at the table.

I decided to show up anyway. Maybe my stubborn personality would manage to win him over. I was not going to let this fight pull us apart, we had too many years of friendship under our belt for that.

He was warming up when I arrived at the dance studio, stretching down to reach his toes, which he didn’t succeed with but was satisfied with either way. He noticed me in the mirror as he stood to his full length again, cocking one eyebrow as to enquire the reason behind my presence.

“I thought I said I’d be fine on my own.”

“Yeah, but I wanted to watch you dance, you know how much I love seeing you do what you love.” He scoffed slightly, however, with less resentment than before.

“You sure you wouldn’t rather be with your new bestie?” This time, it was my turn to scoff and roll my eyes.

“You know that I’m allowed to have more friends than you right? I know I screwed up and I apologized for it, no need to be mean about it.”

“Of course you’re allowed to have friends, I just wish it didn’t rub the fact that that’s exactly what I am in my face.” He kept his eyes on the mirror, as he stretched his arms.

“What? What are you talking about Nana?” An unbelievable laugh left his lips and he turned to me.

“Y/N, I don’t want to be your friend. I never wanted to be just your friend.” My brain did not make the connection as fast as I would’ve liked.

“So, what? You don’t want to hang out with me anymore?” Another laugh and he shook his head at me.

“I really need to force your eyes open, huh?” The confusion written on my face caused him to approach me, stopping only inches away from me. “Y/N, I don’t want to be your friend, I want to be your boyfriend.” My breath hitched in my throat. He glanced down to my lips. “Would a kiss be inappropriate or would it be an action ending on a happy note?”

Instead of answering him, I cradled his face and pressed my lips to his in a soft kiss.

#nct #nct scenarios #kpop #kpop scenarios #scenarios #nana #jaemin #na jaemin #nct jaemin #nct dream #nctzen #music #nananaptime

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vantekay · 5 years

Text

one for the books ||kth

word count: 2.6k

genre(s): loads of fluff, shy library worker tae, college au, roommate and best friend guk makes an appearance (he’s also your personal hype man), slightly strangers to lovers? or maybe strangers to crushes would be more fitting anyways tae and reader know each other and have a lot of those cliche embarrassing encounters and the reader is completely oblivious to tae’s feelings, that’s basically all it is

warning(s): not sure this is really a warning but I know some people don’t like it so towards the middle there is a mention of jungkook v*m-ing as a joke but if that’s not something you like then here is the warning! and as usual some cursing but nothing too intense

this was inspired by this textpost written by @himawaritae! they have amazing tae scenarios that they post and you can use :) it’s awesome and I want to say thank you for sharing your amazing scenario ideas with the world. I hope I did this one justice!

also I will most likely make a part 2 to this? probably I mean I sort of set it up that way so we will see anyways I really hope you guys like it

you smile, a soft hum vibrating in the back of your throat as you plop yourself into the soft bean bag chairs that decorate the back of the library. you place your book bag next to you and begin to take out your notes and textbook to begin studying from. finals were coming up soon and you had tried to study back at your dorm with very little success, landing you here in the empty library.

your best friend and roommate jungkook had repeatedly told you that it would be impossible for you to retain any of the information you were attempting to study in your shared dorm. it was impossible because jungkook had decided he was going to invite some of his friends over to your room for a “study session” you knew would just turn into them playing video games in the lounge space just outside of your dorm room that your university had. since jungkook knew that was how this night was going to end, he suggested you take advantage of the library just down the street from campus that not many students ever visited. after having thanked him and praised him like the god he was (not) and reminding him not to be too noisy so they didn’t get a noise complaint from the other students on your floor, you hauled yourself and all of your belongings to the library with a smile on your face at the thought of actually being able to concentrate and study.

when you walked in, the cute blonde boy who you know to be kim taehyung, greeted you with his signature boxy smile as he gave you a polite wave. you had smiled back at him, flashing him your student ID even though he was very aware of who you were and knew you weren't some random girl off the street who had wanted to take advantage of the space the library provided. it had happened before, hence the new student ID rule, and when he gave you a thumbs up followed by a sleepy grin you retreated to a spot in the back of the library with a slight blush on your cheeks.

it’s been a couple hours now since you walked into the library and you don’t remember when but at some point your eyes started to get droopy and the words in your textbook stopped making sense long ago. your hand had lost all grip on the pencil you once wielded to take notes and has now landed in between you and the bean bag as you head lolls back.

you’ve been asleep for what feels like ten minutes but has really been 3 hours, and now at midnight taehyung has to come around and make sure everyone has left the library. that’s when he sees you, passed out in the bean bag chair. your books have fallen off of your lap and now rest on the floor near your feet. your arms are wrapped around your form for warmth as the library is a bit colder than expected and your head rests uncomfortably on the back of the cushion. taehyung stifles a laugh, and his grin stretches from each cheek as he gazes at you.

after a few moments he remembers what he came back here to do and slowly steps towards your sleeping form. with a cautious hand, he reaches for your shoulder and gives you a light shake. when that doesn’t do anything to rouse you, he tries to shake you with a bit more force and calls out your name. you shift your body and your eyes open slowly, a confused look overtaking your features as you look around you at your surroundings, not being able to recall when you fell asleep.

now that you’re awake, taehyung takes a couple steps back and if you weren’t just waking up from a sleep with hazy thoughts, the blush that overtakes taehyung’s features would have registered but it doesn’t and for that he is thankful.

“um,” he rubs the back of his neck nervously as his cheeks turn an even darker shade of rose. “I have to close the library now, I’m sorry” he looks down at you with sincere eyes. he’s not sure how long you slept for but if the lines that have formed on your arms from the bean bag are anything to go by his guess would be that you fell asleep not long after arriving.

“that’s okay! it’s not like it’s your rule” you laugh as you stand to collect your books. taehyung crouches down to help you and you smile at him as a way of saying thank you. after you have everything packed up, you awkwardly stand and stare at each other for a minute and your brain finally processes the blush that has not left taehyung’s cheeks since he woke you up. his flushed face and shy smile he keeps flashing at you makes your stomach erupt in butterflies and a blush of your own climbs its way up and over your cheeks.

“I should be going now. I can almost guarantee you’ll see me back here again though. my roommate is noisy and makes it impossible for me to do anything” you giggle and taehyung feels his heart skip a beat at the sound.

“I’ll be waiting for you” he says smoothly even though his heart was beating out of his chest and he was almost positive you could hear it. he sees that his words effectively make you blush harder and he smiles. after that he leads you out of the library and you both walk back to your dorms. to your surprise, taehyung lived in the same complex that you did just on a different floor. when it’s his turn to get off, because he lives on a lower floor than you, you say your goodbyes before the doors close and your left alone in the elevator until you reach your floor.

“what the hell is that?” jungkook asks when you walk into your shared room. he was sat as his desk doing some work on his laptop but he turned around when he heard the door to your room unlock.

“what the hell is what?” you ask as you place your bag down at the foot of your bed and plop down on it on your back, a smile never leaving your lips at the thought of taehyung and your interactions with him tonight.

jungkook gets up and sits next to you on your bed. “this” he says as he pokes your face near your lips. you sit up and stare at him.

“what I can’t be happy?” you ask, pretending to be hurt by his comment but you simply cannot keep the smile off of your face. jungkook pretends to gag at your happiness.

“don’t tell me you’re...in love” he says as he continues to pretend to feel sick by your emotions, the back of his hand coming up to cover his mouth like he is about to spew chunks all over. as if he wasn’t already over-exaggerating enough, he puts space between you and him on your bed. you roll your eyes at his actions and you have to hold yourself back from pushing off of your bed and onto the floor.

“I am not-” you have to turn your head because looking at jungkook and having him interrogate you about your blooming crush on the boy you saw minutes ago is causing you to become flustered all over again. jungkook looks at you with a shocked face when you turn around to look at him again.

“oh my god you are! who is it? you have to tell me everything” his attitude changes completely from the fake disgusted act he was putting on and now he lays on your bed with his hands propping his face up and his legs kicking in the air behind him like a teenage girl. you giggle at his actions and hit him in the head with your pillow.

“stop that, we aren’t in middle school anymore and it’s not even that serious” you say but not even you believe that statement, and with the blush that is beginning to completely overtake your face jungkook knows that too. he smiles at you until he realizes where you were tonight and he sits up quickly.

“wait a minute- it’s taehyung isn’t it? it’s taehyung that’s got you looking and acting like a lovesick highschool girl” he says accusingly, a finger pointing itself at you and you lean forward with your mouth open like you’re going to bite his finger before he quickly pulls it back to his chest with his other hand.

“and what if it is?” you ask with a quirk to your brows, arms crossed over your chest and jungkook just smiles at you.

“I can help you”

it’s the next day during a break in between classes when you see taehyung again. you and jungkook sit at your usual spot at the back of the cafe just down the street from your dorm when he suddenly kicks your feet under the table.

“ow! what the fuck jungkook?” you whisper yell at him, leaning forward onto the table to put your head down in pain before you kick him back in retaliation.

“look up you dummy!” he says through his teeth as he kicks you back, to which you whip your head up to look at him with a glare that most definitely could kill. he ignores your burning gaze and leans forward into the table as well so your faces are closer. “taehyung is here” he informs you and this causes the glare your eyes once held to immediately be replaced with something else that jungkook can’t quite pinpoint.

you quickly put your hands around your face and look at the man across from you. “is he looking this way?” you ask in a whisper, your eyes dart from side to side in shock and fear of being seen.

jungkook rolls his eyes at your behavior and pries your hands away from your face. you look at him incredulously before he tells you very plainly “you look like a dumb ass, and he’s kind of just looking everywhere, like he’s looking for somebody” he says as he looks back at taehyung who’s searching the crowd with squinted eyes. he holds something in his right hand that jungkook can’t really make out from his seat.

after a good 10 minutes of taehyung standing at the entrance of the cafe still searching, jungkook connects the dots and assumes he must be looking for you. jungkook excuses himself to go get something to drink but what you miss is the mischievous grin he shoots your way before he gets up from the booth and saunters his way towards taehyung.

“hey man! looking for someone?” jungkook asks as he approaches the blonde. taehyung takes a second to register the voice of his friend but once he does he offers him his signature smile.

“yeah actually... how did you know?” taehyung asks with a quirk of his brow and jungkook smiles before looking back at the table where you sit.

“I saw you walk in and just stand here for the past 10 minutes. are you looking for y/n by any chance?” jungkook pushes further, knowing the answer already and as if to confirm his thoughts taehyung breaks out into a shy smile and a blush begins blooming up his neck.

“ah yeah…” he trails off, his hand that isn’t holding the object jungkook noticed earlier is coming up to rub at the back of his neck shyly. “she left something in the library last night and I just wanted to give it back to her” taehyung tells jungkook, finally lifting his head and making eye contact with him and the younger just flashes him a knowing smile.

“you should go give it to her now, I’m going to the bathroom anyways so she’s all by herself at the table” jungkook smirks and before taehyung can say anything, he’s pushing him in the direction of where you sit and then running back to retreat to the bathrooms.

taehyung awkwardly walks up to you and clears his throat to get your attention. you turn to look at him with wide eyes, you were expecting for it to be jungkook standing there with a dumb grin on his face. taehyung offers you his gorgeous boxy smile before he extends his hand towards you. you look down at his hand confused before you see your pencil in his outstretched palm.

“you uh, you left this in your chair last night. it must have rolled from your notebook when you fell asleep” taehyung tells you as you go to reach for the pencil from him. he has a blush spreading over his cheeks at the slight brush of your fingertips against his palm and you would be lying if you said it didn’t send a whirlwind of butterflies off in your stomach either.

“thank you for bringing this back to me” you say genuinely as you look up to make eye contact with the blonde, a smile on your face. “this is my favorite one and I would have been really sad later when I went to look for it and couldn’t find it” you now look down to the pencil in your hand with a pout on your lips. the thought of you running around the apartment looking for it like a madman while jungkook would sit and tell you it’s ‘just a pencil’ making a small smile perk your lips up.

“so cute” taehyung says under his breath. your head whips up so fast he thinks you might give yourself whiplash and he’s about to ask what caused you to look up at him like that when he realizes he just said something and he must have said it out loud instead of to himself like he meant. his eyes widen to the size of planets as he brings a hand up to cover his mouth, shock and fear written all over his facial features.

“I...I did not mean to say that out loud. I’m so sorry” taehyung is rushing his words and before you can tell him that it’s okay, he’s waving a hand at you as he rushes out of the cafe. you sit at the table dumbfounded, looking from the pencil in your hand back to the door taehyung just darted out of and a sense of disappointment fills your conscious. you’re so concerned with taehyung and what events just transpired between the two of you that you don’t see your best friend sauntering his way back to the table with a smug smile on his face.

“so how did it go with- why do you look like that?” jungkook sounds confused as he takes his seat across from you again and watches the way you look from the door to the pencil in your hand and then finally to him.

“taehyung called me cute and then got flustered and ran away…” you say, your voice is quiet and has a lilt of hurt to it that jungkook doesn’t miss.

“why do you sound so disappointed? he was obviously just embarrassed” he tries to reason with you but you can’t stop thinking about the way he ran out.

“it’s obvious he’s in love with you, dumb ass. why else would he run away like that after calling you cute to your face?” jungkook presses more, his face resting in his hands as he gives you a knowing look and you try to reason with yourself and tell yourself he’s right but for some reason you can’t help but feel that maybe taehyung didn’t mean it.

“maybe...anyways let’s head back home. I have more studying to do” you say as you get up and begin packing up your things and throwing away your trash. jungkook just shakes his head, wondering how you could be so oblivious to what was right in front of you.

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darling-i-read-it · 6 years

Text

Homework

Billy Hargrove x reader

Word Count: 1959

Warnings: cuss words, near sexual encounter but nothing really

Author’s Note: Songs Without Words!! I am no way excusing Billy’s racist and stupid behavior btw he’s still a crappy person but I wanna assume he’ll get better.

Summary: Billy’s in love with his science partner and needs to get with her ASAP.

Genre: FLUUFFF

Song: Head over heels by tears for fears

Billy’s Playlist

(not my gif)

Billy Hargrove didn’t fall in love with anybody. He didn’t long for someone’s presence or voice or hair or legs.

Legs maybe.

But nothing else. He was cold, he was a fuck and forget kind of guy. He was in no way ever going to be the kind of guy who ‘settled down and had a nice life’. He was bound to dropout of high school, work on cars and pick up chicks for the rest of his life.

Until he met you. You were a problem. You were stopping him from fulfilling his high school dropout prophecy and he didn’t like that. In fact he hated that.

But he couldn’t bring it in himself to hate you.

That made him angrier though.

Because you were just another girl.

But you weren’t. And that pissed him off.

You were with your friends, just chatting about life and it’s times and Billy was watching from afar. He had science with you, second period and he made a point every morning not to skip that class although he made a different excuse to himself each time.

It’s my lowest grade He didn’t care. He didn’t even know if it was.

I need to intimidate Harrington. Who wasn’t in that class with him.

Dad would kill me if I skipped. The truest one of the bunch to say the least. His dad would have his head if he skipped. Not that Billy really cared much, no matter how much it hurt when he got drunk.

But each was a cover for the fact that he just really needed to see his science partner. You. You treated him like just another person, a guy in the class as any other and although he hated that you dismissed his flirting for ‘just being a guy’ he loved the fact that you didn’t really care.

It crossed his mind once that you liked girls and the thought made his heart lurch with fear. Although he asked a friend of your friend and confirmed you were in fact, into dudes.

Today was another science class day which made him happy. He had science every other day so when he realized today was a good day he trotted into school, promptly as the bell for second period rang. He sat across from you as usual and you gave him a smile that you hoped showed that you were in a good mood today.

Truth be told you were nowhere near in a good mood. You were in a crappy mood, your first period math class being more horrible than it usually was. Somehow Billy saw right through you.

“What’s up princess?” he asked. You shook your head and tried another smile.

“Nothing’s wrong Billy I don’t know where you’d get that id-”

“What’s wrong Y/N?” he tried again. You sighed and slumped your shoulders.

“Math class. You know usual not understanding things,” you confined. Billy smiled his winning smile at you.

“Actually I don’t. I don’t go to math class.” You rolled your eyes.

“I forgot. You only go to science. Am I really just that charming?” you joked.

Yes.

“Sure sweetheart,” he confessed subtly. “Maybe I just like blowing things up.” This gave you a laugh and he cherished in the laugh.

“I think it’s me. I’ll be honest. And don’t worry I won’t tell anyone you’ve broken your hard earned facade for me,” you joked again. He rolled his eyes.

“Whatever you want.” The class started then and the teacher had to pull Billy’s eyes from you several times. You thankfully didn’t seem to notice that so he just kept staring. Just before class ended Billy tried his luck.

“What are you doing tonight?” he asked after you poured in some pink liquid in the beaker. The class was packing up but you needed to take some final notes before leaving. Billy strayed with you. You eyed him out of the corner of your vision and a smile crept on your face.

“Studying for the test in two days,” you mused. He nodded. Dammit why was he so nervous!

“In this class?” he asked. You nodded as you wrote something down in the notebook. You shared it which was a strategy for studying later but personally you loved it. Your handwriting mixed with Billy’s was so pleasing to you for some reason. Your doodles mixed with his during the lectures of class.

“Yeah you didn’t get that memo when you were staring at me,” you joked. Billy put a toothpick in between his teeth.

“Maybe I could come over and help? Or maybe you could help me considering you are the one who who keeps me always distracted.” You laughed.

“Sorry I’m so pretty. Maybe you should try Nancy though. She’d help you,” you told him. You were playing hard to get and he knew this. You knew he knew this.

“Hey but you’re my gorgeous science partner. Shouldn’t I be sharing the notes with you anyway? They do help with studying,” he mocked you. It was what you had told him when you suggested the idea. You sighed. “There’s no point in fighting me and you know it doll,” he slurred and you knew, deep down that he was right.

“Alright okay sure. But only one night okay?”

“Your house at 9 then?” he asked as he stood. You grabbed the notebook and wiped down the table.

“Here’s the address,” you told him absentmindedly and scribbled it in the notebook, shoving it in his arms. “Don’t be late and don’t flirt with my mom when she opens the door,” you said. He smiled and winked at you, walking away.

“No promises!”

You’d be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t nervous about tonight. You had a major crush on your science partner and seeing him alone might be bad. You weren’t bad at hiding it when you were with others but being alone with Billy Hargrove and his cologne was going to be a problem you just knew it.

You refused to be one of those girls who just slept with him but he was so goddamn appealing sometimes. All the time.

9 o’clock rolled around very slowly. You drew and read a bit but your mind refused to focus on a simple task. How were you going to study? Billy knocked at the door at exactly 9 and to your dismay, your father answered. You would have been better with him flirting with your mom and not being interrogated by your dad. Billy had a toothpick hanging loosely from his teeth as he smiled charmingly at your dad who was not having it.

“Oh no thank you sir you can go right back to where you came fro-”

“Dad,” you hissed angrily. He just looked at you and shook his head.

“No way you are not having him in your bedroom alone I won’t let it happen,” he sneered. Billy feigned hurt as you glanced at him and you fought a smile but both boys saw right through.

“With all do respect Mr. Y/L/N, I have nothing but pure intentions with your daughter. Just some studying.” Billy tried his hardest to say this with as much innocence as he could he really did.

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” You hit him on the arm.

“Dad do you trust me?”

“Yes but I do not trust hairspray here,” he confessed. You rolled your eyes.

“Well I wanna pass the test so I’m gonna just have to either drag Billy upstairs or I’ll just go out to his car. Unsupervised. Maybe we’ll drive around a bit, head to dinner, to the hill, to the woods…”

“You know I’m starting to like my car better,” Billy commented just as your father tried to stop you. He looked incredibly conflicted.

“Upstairs then. Go, door open. Y/N if anything happens then-” You ignored him and grabbed Billy’s arm, dragging him up the stairs.

“Hmm eager are we?” You scoffed and hit him as you walked into your room you had just cleaned. Billy looked around for a moment at the posters of bands and your choice of bedspread with an amused smile.

“When your done can we get started? Where’s the notebook?” you asked, grabbing the lab book. Billy looked down at his jacket and hands like he was surprised.

“Darn must have slipped my mind,” he said. You groaned.

“Billy!” He shrugged and sat on your bed beside you. He grabbed a cigarette from his pocket and lit it with his lighter, blowing the smoke out into the air. You groaned again. “You’re insufferable,” you told him.

“Then why do you wanna kiss me so bad?”

This caught you off guard. You were flustered and fumbling on your words. But you really did want to kiss him. Really really bad.

This caught him off guard. Why had he said that? He was going to ruin his chances with you!

“Maybe being intolerable is appealing to me,” you breathed. You were surprised you had said anything, unsure quite where that had some from. Billy was unaware you had that in you either.

Hot.

“As I recall you called it insufferable,” he told you, facing you. You were standing and he was sitting and he did, he looked so damn kissable.

“I don’t hear much studying up there!” your dad’s voice rang but you ignored it, keeping your eye contact with the man in front of you. You pushed the door shut with your heel and lunged yourself toward Billy, locking lips and you swear, in that moment everything felt perfect.

And Billy was having a field day. You had kissed him. How did he get that to happen? He wasn’t quite sure but he knew he didn’t want it to stop.

You kept coming back for air and then diving back into it. His hands wandered around your body ranging largely from your hair to your back.

That was soon diminished however as you heard the footsteps of your father walking up the stairs. You pulled away, causing Billy to whine which made you laugh as you stood and fixed your blouse. You sat quickly on your desk chair and opened the textbook to a random page. As the door opened, you were rushing into a explanation of a chemical you knew practically zero about.

“Oh hey dad.” You turned to look at him. Billy shifted so that he was laying against the end of your bed so your dad couldn’t see his unbuttoned shirt.

“Mr. Y/L/N,” Billy gave no reason for your father to suspect anything except for his eyes which clearly gave him away.

“Out. Go. Sho. Away from my daughter,” you dad called and you sighed.

“To the car then?” You asked as you stood up again. Billy nodded.

“We’ll just finished what we started there.”

You left your father with a horrified look and no idea where you were going.

All day: @swanky-batman @drunktnkmelomaniac

#billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove imagine #stranger things

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zombiescantfly · 6 years

Text

Words About Games: Unreal (Epic Megagames, 1998)

Unreal Tournament 2004 is my favorite videogame ever. It's always a close match between it and the first Unreal Tournament, but 2k4 always manages to win out, if just barely. However, I am of the firm, unyielding belief that UT2004, when played with both the ‘No Adrenaline’ and ‘UT Classic’ mutators, is far and away the best multiplayer fps experience anyone could ever ask for. We'll get into that a bit later, because it's time for a bit of an explanation.

Unreal Tournament 2004 turns 15 this year, and I wanted to do something special to celebrate the release of a game I have such an unreasonably high appreciation for. Up until the day of its official release 15 years ago, I'm going to be putting out one of my infrequent essays on the games in the series I have experience with, starting now with 1998’s Unreal. I'll warn you, this one gets a bit rambly, but if you reach the end and still want more, take a look at the cooperative non-coop playthrough I did with a friend, where we each played a singleplayer campaign while discussing our experiences and thoughts on all aspects of the game.

But first, a little background.

I was born in 1992. Wolfenstein 3D, the game commonly attributed as the progenitor of the entire FPS genre (yes I know about Maze and Battlezone and all the various first-person dungeon crawlers) was released three months later. This makes me just barely older than the modern first -person shooter.

My dad has worked in the business end of the tech industry since the 80s. As a result, he was always very close to the then-rising PC gaming scene, and even dabbled in game dev for a few years. His position in various companies made him a very early adopter of the ‘home pc,’ something still rare up until like the mid 90s, seriously. He had free reign to take old hardware his workplace was replacing or to buy it for cheap, and by the time I was old enough to start forming memories that actually stuck around, there were two computers in the house.

In 1994, id Software released Doom 2, and my dad bought a copy. Thus began the long tradition of young me standing behind his chair to watch whatever he was playing, starting with Doom 2 LAN deathmatch with my older brother, progressing to his playthrough of Quake 1 and 2, and the first stop in this extended flashback, Quake 2’s online deathmatch.

Young me knew what a marvel online deathmatch was, because my dad told me. It's also just kind of a hard concept for a 5 year old to grasp, especially back then before the internet was in the public consciousness. Nowadays I doubt there's any lack of understanding, and that's cool.

(And yes, I know Q1 had online play but I never managed to catch any of it. Both my dad and brother liked its singleplayer more.)

So where does Unreal come in? Actually, not until about 2009. Bear with me.

In 2000, when I was 8 years old, my dad and brother had gone to spend the day at a local tech trade show. This was a common enough occurrence since we lived less than an hour away from Philly and that attracted a lot of businessy types. They'd usually come back with a new game or two, and I'd have something new to watch over one of their shoulders.

That day, my brother brought this home.

And said to me, “Hey, you should try this one out. It's from Epic.”

Or at least something to that effect.

Now, at this point in my life, I wasn't as avid a videogame connoisseur. The first game I ever truly felt grab me was Starcraft, which I played way more than I probably should have. But also at that time was a growing collection of titles from Epic Megagames. Epic Pinball is one of the first things I remember playing by myself, followed by Jazz Jackrabbit 2 and One Must Fall: 2097.

So I'd been with Epic for a while at that point.

So, Unreal Tournament. Spoilers for the next post, but I loved it, and I still love it. It capped off my experiences with shooters from the mid to late 90s with the first taste I was allowed myself, no longer stolen from over a shoulder while hoping my mother wouldn't choose then to come down the stairs and yell at me for watching and at my dad for letting me. It gave me a love for arena shooters, for the chunky, harshly and gaudily lit 3d graphics, for imaginative weapons, for tightly designed maps, and for a special sort of way to deliver a story buried in map and item descriptions…

But I'd never played Unreal.

Once, at a thrift store, I found a big-box copy of Unreal Gold, still in the shrink wrap, for five bucks. “Oh, I think your dad has that one,” my mother said, turning me away from it.

He did not.

So in 2009, I finally bought Unreal for myself off Steam and promptly returned to the chunky 3d I had probably just been seeing a day prior because I put UT99 on my school laptop.

Enough digressions, let's finally move into it.

Unreal is a strange game, and more than a little unlike its contemporaries. See, from 1993 to 1998, shooters were kind of a one-note experience. You, bad guys, big maps, many guns. From Doom to Quake to Heretic to Blood to Rise of the Triad to Shadow Warrior to Duke Nukem to Dark Forces to anything else you could find in a magazine for mail-order, the shooter was a pretty standard experience. Sure, this or that game had this or that thing that set it apart, some were more advanced than others for the time, but the general idea never really wavered: Click on men from point A to B until you find all the keys and reach the exit.

That gameplay loop made the genre successful, and it's not exactly different now. Keys could be anything, of course. They were literal keys, sometimes they were gas for a generator, now they're mostly cutscene triggers, but the point is that you must locate them to progress. Along the way, there wasn't much other than bloody slaughter to distract you, and that was fine.

It was fine. For those 5 years.

Then, in 1998, a very special sort of game came out that changed the way not just shooters but videogames in general were presented. A game that made expectations higher, products examined more critically. I'm talking, of course, about Half-Life.

On November 19, 1998, Half-Life released and literally changed the course of game development. It offered players a brilliantly constructed narrative delivered naturally by characters speaking in the moment rather than the then-common blocks of text before or after a level. The setting, the Black Mesa research facility, was a meticulously planned space made to feel like a real location and not a jumble of corridors whose first concerns were how many monsters could fit in them. Structured plot points replaced red and blue keycards, well-designed enemy encounters replaced rooms full of cannon fodder, and a new mentality replaced the old.

Which is a shame, because Unreal did something different, too.

Released earlier the same year on May 22, Unreal was the end result of a project always too ambitious for the four years it bounced around development. Conceived first as a medieval RPG of sorts, Unreal eventually morphed into a sci-fi shooter set amid echoes of that original idea.

In Unreal, there is no opening cutscene. There is no opening text crawl or long train ride to prepare you. The title screen is a looping fly-through of a location in the game made to show off various engine effects like reflective surfaces, particle emitters, real-time colored lighting, animated skyboxes, and volumetric fog. Selecting New Game sends you to a loading screen where you quickly fade in from black, staring at the wrecked interior of . . . somewhere. You start low on health and walled in on three sides. As you step forward towards the only path available, a pleasant, computery voice calls out “Prisoner 849 escaping.”

You are Prisoner 849, you are on a prison ship, and it has crashed. This is all evident within the first few seconds of the game. As you progress through the first level, you can see half-broken displays showing the sudden path the ship took, read status logs of engines and ship components, and even get a little taste of some daily life among the prisoners and crew alike. Yes, Unreal has text logs, but they're the good kind, used to inform the world rather than exposit at the player.

Very quickly you learn that something else is aboard the ship. Growls and snarls appear in the distance and screams of terror can be heard through the walls. Every so often, the same calm robot voice calls out another number, another prisoner escaping. This all tells us a good deal of the game’s primary theme. You're just someone.

You are Prisoner 849. You are not the captain of the ship, you are not the high profile super prisoner, you are not a space marine guarding the ship. You are Prisoner 849, one of many to board the Vortex Rikers, and one of many to leave.

There are no friendly human NPCs in the game. Two crewmembers aboard the ship live long enough for you to get close, but one bleeds out as you approach him and the other is slaughtered behind a door stuck partway open so that you can only see a mysterious pair of legs sprint away amid a shower of gore. Shortly after, you catch a fleeting glimpse of a strange figure at the other end of a ventilation shaft, obscured by fog.

Unreal slowrolls its opening. It's reminiscent of Quake 2’s opening level, though with no combat. You're free to wander the small area of the ship, reading various inconsequential text logs and looking at various readouts. Words like “unknown moon” and “sudden course alterations” pop up, telling - but not explicitly - that coming to wherever this is was unintended.

Eventually you leave, exiting through an emergency hatch somewhere on the side of the ship. A few steps forward brings you to a somewhat common looking grass expanse, not too unheard of at the time. You're closer to the ship’s bow, and a short walk around it and through the furrow it plowed in the ground leads to a small rise that still obscures the level until depositing you at just the right angle.

You stand close to the lip of a tall cliff overlooking a shimmering lake. On the other side, a waterfall crashes over the cliff. Trees dot the landscape, birds fly overhead, and small critters scurry away from you.

In truth, it looks more than a bit quaint today, but in 1998 it was without equal. Unreal is a game that put an intense focus on its world, Na Pali. This is a world inhabited for centuries or even millennia by the Nali, a race of four-armed pacifist aliens with a little bit of magic to their claim. Some unknown time before you begin playing, another race known as the Skaarj arrive to exploit the planet for a resource called Tarydium, enslaving the Nali in the process.

Here's where another game might set you up as the Big Badass Hero. You, the lone survivor of this crash; them, the downtrodden alien race; the other them, the evil tyrants. But Unreal never does that, because you're just someone.

Remember hearing those other prisoners escaping? More did even before you woke up. There's a small collection of Nali huts not far from the crash site where you can find the corpses of a few other prisoners and crewmembers from the Rikers next to some healing pickups - the Nali tried to care for them. Small bits of visual storytelling like that appear all throughout the game coupled with its smart use of text logs, and it starts strong and stays strong. A quick swim through a lake infested with carnivorous fish can lead you to a small secret where two dead escapees can be found next to a half-eaten fish. Further in, a dead human sits in a corner of a room, a dead Nali in the center, a flak cannon pickup on top of the latter showing their frantic last stand as the Nali abandons its pacifistic ways to protect its companion. Much later, you’re in a Skaarj warehouse where you can see stacks of boxes bearing the same logo from the Vortex Rikers - as you’ve been doing your thing, the Skaarj have gone back and started looting the ship.

Unreal is a game where things have been happening before you the player show up, and continue to happen while you the player are playing. The plot does not start with you and it does not wait for you. You’re just someone who’s been thrown into this whole situation as it unfolds, from a centuries-old conflict on Na Pali itself to the more immediate conflict of the crashed Vortex Rikers and what happened to its crew. Around almost every corner is another story just like yours, and the fact that we’re playing Prisoner 849 and not Prisoner 521 or Ensign Burt Masterson or whoever else feels like a roll of the dice.

Half-Life gets a lot of praise for finally putting the player behind just a regular guy. Gordon Freeman has been made to become something of videogaming’s first everyman in the way that John McClane of Die Hard ushered in the everyman action hero. But honestly, Half-Life wouldn’t happen without Gordon. A scientist tells you right away that they’ve been waiting for you so they could start the test. Without Gordon Freeman, the plot would never have progressed, and that makes it distinct from Unreal. Half-Life’s various expansions actually do this better; Opposing Force, Blue Shift, and Decay all put you in control of someone who is distinctly more Just Someone than Gordon Freeman.

But Unreal, man, Unreal just does it so well. Occupied Na Pali is a world that does not care about you as a singular entity. The Skaarj don’t turn and attack you because you’re The Player On A Mission, they attack you because you’re some dumb human who goes places they’re not supposed to and shoots all their friends (yes, Skaarj have friends, read the text logs). Hell, your mission isn’t even anything particularly grand! From the beginning, nobody tells you to do anything, you just wander out of the ship and start trying to find a way to leave. Obviously from a game standpoint, there’s always going to be a level start and a level end, and you will go towards the end because it’s a videogame, but in the context of that game, the story is “just find a way out.”

There is a thread you pick up on early, though it might be a bit strange and requires some minor explaining here real quick: in Unreal, you have the option when starting a new game to choose your player model. You can see yourself a few times throughout the game - Unreal has reflective surfaces in a few spots - so it’s not totally useless. By default, Prisoner 849 is a woman. Canonically, Prisoner 849 is a woman.

Early on, past the first level, you enter an ancient Nali temple, ruined and defaced by the Skaarj over the years, but not without its still-devout followers. It’s here that you get the first hints of what seems like it might be a story more appropriate for a 90s shooter. You see a carving on a wall that talks about “the Princess from the Stars” coming to deliver retribution to “the Demons from the Sky.” Now, if you’ve changed your player model to male, this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. But obviously the intent is to key you the player into the mentality that “oh, I’m some prophesied Chosen One, right?” Yes and no. We'll get back to it.

See, about a third of the way into the game you come across another crashed human ship, the ISV Kran. The Kran, gameplay-wise, is a mixed bag of levels ranging from good to meh, the worst of it stemming from symmetrical layouts and a lack of texture variety. But in the narrative as it unfolds, the Kran is very important.

So far, you've passed through a dozen unique and varied environments ranging from the cliffs at the start to the ancient temple, to a Tarydium mine near a small village, a high-tech processing plant nearby, and even an old coliseum or sports arena converted by the Skaarj into a torture chamber. The Kran is your first look at anything human-built since leaving the Rikers.

I'm not going to go through the game bit by bit, but the leadup to the Kran is important. Throughout that first third of the game, you find escaped crew and prisoners from the Vortex Rikers fairly frequently. The events of the game are happening without you, and things aren't going well.

Once inside the Kran, things change a little. Amid the text logs of status readouts and final words before the Skaarj broke in, there's a tiny narrative being constructed about a crewmember by the name of Kira. Kira had managed to do much of what you have - she's armed herself and set off in search of a way off Na Pali with a small group of other crew, some of who you find, once again already dead. One of Unreal’s longest maps comes in around this point, and Kira is a large focus. She was captured, made contact with a group of Nali also held prisoner in the temple (lots of temples in Unreal, the Nali are very religious), mounted her escape, and had to leave her last remaining crewmember behind, his final log suggesting she headed for something she heard was held in the nearby belltower…

This small aside is a brilliant piece of the game, it really is. When I said there was another game or another story behind every corner, I meant it. Kira’s journey from the Kran to Bluff Eversmoking is a full story on its own, and it lends some interesting insight towards a lot of the various prophecies and Nali beliefs you've run into along the way. From the Kran to the Bluff, you find more mentions of the Messiah, of the Sky Princess. You, right? Right?

Or was it Kira?

Kira followed the same path you did. Less of it, sure, but she fought the Skaarj infesting sacred Nali temples. She, an alien warrior, cleansed their holy places of demons who had enslaved them. A small group of Nali risked their own lives to break her out when she was captured, based only on their horror that she would be executed.

This is why keeping 849 as the default lady playermodel is important. The text logs were written with that in mind in order to muddle things. Are you the Messiah? Is Kira? Presumably both of you just want to go home, and maybe falling into a vaguely defined prophecy with incredibly generous qualifications (not Nali or Skaarj, girl, can kill Skaarj) was just an accident.

It certainly seems that way, because when you finally find Kira, she's dead. Your hopes of finding another living human, the Nali’s hopes in an alien warrior, lie dead on the ground with an empty pistol beside her.

Unreal, and Na Pali within it, does not care about Prisoner 849. The story does not revolve around you nor does it even stop to make room for you. Any one of those human bodies you pass throughout the entire game was another escapee. Between the Vortex Rikers and the Kran, you follow a trail of bodies almost up until the end of the game. Except for a very small stretch at the end, someone has beaten you to where you are. But you go further. You encounter things no human has. You escape Na Pali.

Eventually.

If it sounds like I'm taking Unreal a bit too seriously, it's because I most likely am. I admit that. But Unreal just creates such a unique atmosphere among games that I can't help it. Videogames are inherently power fantasies, and most facilitate this by making you play as someone obviously powerful. BJ Blazinsky. Doomguy. Lo Wang. Duke Nukem. A jedi. Even in Call of Duty, where you often just play as some grunt, you get to be the special grunt who sees all the coolest stuff first. And yes, again, even Half-Life doesn't start without you. Gordon becomes mythologized even in the first game, to say nothing of Half-Life 2. In Unreal, there's nobody to put you on a pedestal. Na Pali has its own problems and you're just plopped down in the middle of them while trying to solve your own. It isn't your fault that they intersect.

So it shouldn't be that big of a surprise that one of my other favorite games ever is another hero-by-random-circumstance romp through an uncaring world, Dark Souls. If you like the narrative themes Dark Souls has going on, you'll like Unreal, end of story.

Wait, no, not end of story, because all I did was wax philosophical about the theme for like 8 pages. I gotta talk about design now, ‘cause hot damn does my love of Unreal not stop with flowery prose.

The Skaarj are the primary antagonistic force in the game, but they're some kind of powerful empire with other races on their payroll. After escaping the Vortex Rikers, gaping in awe at the waterfall, and spending some time chasing harmless wildlife around the field, the first actual enemy you fight is a Brute.

Brutes are big lumps of meat with two rocket pistols and a permanent scowl. They move slow, they turn slow, and they fire slow. The first one you fight is really close to the exit of an indoor area. What Epic have done here is create an excellent enemy encounter.

Nothing in Unreal has hitscan weapons. Ignore Legend Entertainment’s Return to Na Pali, I'm gonna. That means that everything coming your way can be dodged. Two rocket pistols sounds scary, but you're in an open area and you have the ability to strafe. If you're somehow not comfortable doing that while shooting, that's why the Brute’s so big, he's hard to miss.

From there, you get exposed to the tentacle and the Razorfly. The Tentacle is essentially a stationary, ceiling-mounted autoturret that fires a single projectile at you every half second or so, and the Razorfly is a big bug that hits you with melee attacks. Neither are particularly challenging, but all three so far get you ready for your first encounter with a Skaarj.

You're in a small facility and have just shut off a force field. Coming back through the hallway, bars suddenly slam out from the wall, blocking your progress. The music fades out. And one by one, the lights turn off until you're sitting in pure darkness. You get a few seconds to sweat before the music kicks back in, the wall beside you slides open, flashing red emergency lights appear, and a large shape leaps out at you.

The first encounter with a Skaarj is cramped and claustrophobic, and intended to have you miss a lot of its capabilities. It runs around, does a forward leaping melee attack, and can shoot little bolts of energy at you. At the time, you only have two weapons: the Automag, a hitscan pistol with a decent fire rate, and the Dispersion Pistol, a projectile energy weapon you can charge up that acts in the same capacity as Doom’s fist or Quake’s axe as a holdout weapon. You'll most likely take out the Skaarj with the Automag because there isn't a way to run out of ammo with it unless you try, so you most likely won't see how this type of enemy reacts to projectiles.

Because, see, Unreal has very smart AI, and the people who made these enemies took great advantage of that fact. The Brutes and Razorflies of the level so far are pretty simple cannon fodder type stuff, they amble around and attack towards you. Once you're away from that first encounter, the Skaarj enemies have a few tricks.

A Skaarj will try to circlestrafe you. If you're using a projectile weapon, a Skaarj will dodge your attacks with a pretty damn high success rate (deviously, the very next weapon you get after the Automag is the Tarydium Stinger, a projectile-based minigun, and you start seeing Skaarj commonly around the same time). If a Skaarj is getting near death and has allies close by, it'll try to run away towards them. Sometimes a Skaarj will fake its death to try to catch you by surprise. It won't ever get back up while you're looking or within a certain range, and you can take the time to see if flies start buzzing around the supposed corpse or just gib it to make sure. A Skaarj will intuitively use cover, as well, thanks to a dead-simple pathfinding mechanism inside the level editor.

A Skaarj is a really cool enemy today, let alone in 1998, half a year before everyone lost their shit over Half-Life’s stilted Marine encounters.

Unreal keeps a pretty steady flow of enemy varieties coming your way, as well. Various types of Skaarj show up, often with ranks padded out by the Krall, another race they employ or enslave, and they have plenty of variety among them as well.

But Na Pali isn't just a collection of levels stuffed full of bad guys to click on. Most levels actually don't have all that many enemies to them, instead relying on strong encounter design over sheer overwhelming odds. . . . Most.

No, Na Pali is a world, and Unreal wants you to believe that. The game bounces you between open outdoor areas and various structures at a healthy pace, and it always manages to give it all a fresh coat of paint. Harmless critters hop around or soar high above, schools of fish scatter when you explore a lake, beasts of burden grumble at you as you charge past their pens, flak cannon in hand. And better yet, enemies aren't often just waiting around for you to show up. They have things to do or time to waste, and may very well be doing that when you come across them. In areas controlled by the Skaarj, you can often see them tapping away at computers or just staring out a window before you alert them, and Krall mercenaries are fond of drinking or playing dice. Brutes amble around on patrol patterns, stopping every now and then to scratch themselves. The more feral Slith enemies found near water tend to just be swimming around until they're alerted.

These tiny details make Na Pali feel like a place, and the levels you play through are no different. From the wrecked Vortex Rikers to the various Nali temples to the Kran and even up to the final levels set on the Skaarj mothership, the levels make room for details like bedrooms, kitchens, and even bathrooms in a way that shooters just sort of didn't usually do at that point. Sure, you'd have a bathroom in another game every so often, but it was usually there for a gag or some sort of reference. Unreal makes a concentrated effort to really sell you on these levels, and it works. There's so much variety in the maps that not a lot has a chance to get boring, though sometimes, as I mentioned before, things can get a bit muddy. The map Terraniux and the middle levels of the Kran are a bit less navigationally-friendly than they could have been, but there's nothing as egregious as the later levels of Doom or any of the other maps from various games that are mazes first and gameplay sections second. There are no out-of-place platforming sections or agonizing breaks for switch puzzles. There's just a world as you might find it in real life.

Another strength of Unreal’s level design is that sometimes it just lets you take a break. You might go minutes without seeing an enemy, leaving you free to explore your surroundings. There's even a level that has an entire segment dedicated to calmly floating down a river on a small boat, with no combat at all. It comes after a challenging combat section and acts as a nice little breather with great visuals and fantastic music.

Oh man, Unreal’s music. Never before or again have I heard a more distinct soundtrack in a game. Unreal has its fair share of late-90s electronic tracks, but the majority of its music is a very chill mix of unusual instruments. I know next to nothing about music, so let me just drop some links real quick.

Dusk Horizon

Nali Chant

War Gate

Surfacing

It's such an intriguing mix of styles, and it's all perfectly suited for the environments you hear them in. All of the levels are colored very deliberately, and the music matches the mood that texturing and lighting creates. Coupled with how each track has an ambient and battle section and how it seamlessly slides between them as you enter and leave combat, the levels in Unreal are all a treat to explore, and I really do urge people to look up the soundtrack because it's really just that good.

The music in this game created a precedent of quality that the series kept up easily, and is just more evidence of how committed Epic at the time were to making as immersive and vibrant a world as they could. It's just another part of a beautifully crafted experience that created a game so unlike any other at the time or since.

Unreal is a game that is still incredibly playable today. On a technical level, it's the Unreal Engine so you can pop it onto anything and get it working without any real trouble. The unofficial OldUnreal patch is easy to find, and is just a single .dll file that gets dropped in the system folder. But that's not the only thing playable means. Design philosophies and public reception to various systems and elements of gameplay change over time, and it renders a large number of games either too obtuse or too clunky to really get into. But there are always games that are timeless. Doom is still a treat because the only thing in it is shooting, there's nothing particularly experimental to have been done better over repeated iterations. Unreal is simple in that way, too. Its weapons are varied, unique, and famous. Man, I didn't even get into the weapons, but I'll save that for the Unreal Tournament essay.

My point is, Unreal did a lot, and it did it very well. It and every other game from 1998 was overshadowed by Half-Life, unfortunately, and that became the game to beat. Half-Life isn't the reason we never saw another Unreal in the same vein as the first, but I do think that a desire to be the next Half-Life is why the industry moved to such a narratively-focused philosophy. There was another game three years later that also focused on sprawling outdoor areas mixed with indoor structures, but it didn't have the same lonesome exploration, living world, or details that suggested hundreds of years of mythology. This game would go on to affect the industry just as much or even more than Half-Life, and was in fact Bungie’s Halo.

Halo had cutscenes and voiced NPCs and all the things Half-Life made people want. Halo is another beast, but its success was all but the final nail in the coffin for any hope Unreal had of spawning any imitators. The era of frantic slaughterfests in key-locked mazes was over, and Unreal’s attempt at carving out a spot for contemplative exploration in living worlds was ignored.

That style of game would come back, but not in shooter form. Both Dark Souls and Shadow of Colossus have similar feels to them, and I'm sure there are others out there. Other Team ICO titles, Journey, there have to be others, there are too many videogames for there not to be. But as it stands, Unreal is all but alone, and even now, in this wave of 90s revival indie shooters, they aim more for Doom and Quake. Even Epic would step away from Unreal’s distinctive style with its very next release.

See, Unreal was popular, but at the time, released into an audience high off of Quake 2, those same people wanted to dive into its multiplayer. And when it worked, it was incredible. But it often didn't work. Epic set to fervent work patching it to fix poor netcode and a variety of other issues, but that project turned into something far, far larger, prompting them to release an entirely new game running on an updated version of the Unreal engine. New maps, optimized and redone versions of existing maps, remodeled and rebalanced weapons, new music, new gamemodes, everything.

Unreal Tournament would come out a year later, setting the industry alight in its own ways. We'll take a look at that next month, so until then, take a day or two to play through Unreal. I played it and loved it a decade after its release, and another decade won't have changed much.

#unreal #words about games #review #epic #epic games #fortnite #videogames #unreal retrospective

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nothing-but-kpop-dreams · 7 years

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Military Leave (2/5)

Author’s note: This is a very different style of writing for me. I am more so used to more “dramatic” and a bit more complicated and extended plots. I really do hope that you all still enjoy this series since this is the first time i attempt a more “domesticated” plot.

Genre: subtle fluff

Summary: Just when you thought you had seen him for the last time, you get a another chance. This encounter is very much not the usual interaction.

Small warning: alcohol, some slightly depressing topics, small bit of foul language

You had just come back home from a long day of work and you threw yourself on the couch, letting your limbs sprawl as they wanted. You were so tired that you didn’t bother to change out of your work clothes, let alone take your shoes off.

Your first moment of peace in the entire day was ruined when your phone began to ring. According to the caller ID it was your boss and you knew better than to ignore the call.

“Hello Ma’am” you said into the phone.

“Hey y/n, sorry to call you so late and after your shift, but we got a call from that favorite idol of yours and he was insistent that you go clean his place right now.”

“Seunghyun? But I just clean his place a few days ago.” Despite your tired tone, your insides were flipping in excitement to see Top for one last time.

“I know, but according to him, he just had a get together and now he wants the place cleaned before he leaves to wherever he is going. You don’t exactly have to do it since it is after hours, but I would prefer you did, plus you get extra pay!” she added

“Don’t worry I’ll go.”

“Call me if you need any help, we all know how people’s “get togethers” can be.”

You were greeted by a rather smiley Top. “Well hello there Y/n, come right on in!” he slurred.

“Aaaaand he is drunk.” You thought. “Why am I not surprised?” His drinking habits were never a surprised to you. You cleaned that place the mornings after his get togethers before. Although you never seen him drunk, his current state didn’t throw you off, but you couldn’t help but be a bit disappointed. A part of you hoped you would have better final encounter with him, a sober one, before he would have to be gone for two years.

You looked past him, easily seeing the mess that he wanted cleaned. He let you in, slurring a rap to himself as you found a clear path to the kitchen. As far as you knew, the mess spread from the kitchen to the living room. You had a tough job ahead of you, but it was nothing you couldn’t handle on your own.

Surprisingly there was no one else in the place and it was the only thing that kept you at ease. You didn’t have to worry about another drunk making more of a mess while you were cleaning.

As you worked the counters, which was your cleaning routine in his home, Top stumbled his way around you and grabbed a wine bottle from his fridge. “Sorry for you coming again!” He practically shouted, unaware of how loud he was.

“It’s fine, it is my job.” Sure you were annoyed by the task, but it was all worth it to see him again.

He shuffled past you towards the living room, needing furniture to keep him balanced every once and awhile. “Yeah, the guys came over.” He said with alcohol in hand and he plopped down on his usual spot on the couch.

By “the guys” he probably meant the rest of big bang. You never met them, but now it kind of made sense how all the mess came to be.

You hustled with the kitchen cleaning, answering Top’s slurred rambling with “Uh huh” “Oh really?” and “yeah sure” every so often. You eventually finished the dining room and finally you were able to clean the living room. As always, Top sat in his spot as you cleaned around him. His bottle was still unopened but he was finishing an old glass he must have left on the coffee table. For some reason, he wasn’t speaking to you like he was when you were in the other room. He was quiet as you cleaned. Every so often you would look back at him, making sure he hadn’t passed out and every time he was staring back at you. Slowly would he give you a sloppy smile along with a drunken giggle.

Once you were done with the living room, you made your way towards the door. “Um, I am going to go now…” You wanted to say a better farewell, but there wasn’t much of a point when he wasn’t in the most sound of states.

“No wait!” He threw himself over his couch, his hand reaching out for you dramatically. “Don’t go yet!” he slurred.

You stepped away from the door.

“Come- come drink with me! This is the bottle just for you and me.” He pointed at the bottle he had taken out of the fridge earlier. “It is never fun to drink alone.”

Hesitantly, you moved over to the loveseat across from where he sat. He then opened the bottle, cheering at the loud pop of the cork and quickly slid you your glass. “Thanks” you said awkwardly. However, you did not take a drink.

Despite his drunk state, he was quick to notice that you didn’t even take a sip. “Why aren’t you drinking?”

“Well, I drove here… So, I shouldn’t drink.” On top of your logical reason, the idea of drinking with him was so odd. It felt like you were crossing the professional line.

“Oh one drink isn’t going to kill you!”

He made a good point, plus the last thing you wanted to do was upset him more, so you took a drink.

“C’mon let’s talk, let’s get real! No holding back!” he said noticing your uneasiness.

“Well then… To get this out of the way… Why are you asking me to drink with you?” You surprised yourself. Time and time again you had day dream of this type of moment, but now that it was actually happening, and considering the type of relationship you had with him, this all felt so weird and a bit wrong.

He nonchalantly shrugged at your question. “Why not?”

“… Because I am your cleaning lady… And besides the fifteen-minute talks we have in your art room, we don’t really converse at all.”

“First of all, you are not my cleaning lady. You do have other clients and all. And second of all… Secondly? Second of all?... Whatever! Uh… Yeah! We don’t talk a lot so why not start now?”

You nodded blankly at his reasoning, having no other way to respond to his words.

He took a swig from his glass. “So what are you besides a cleaning lady? Got a boyfriend? A family? Any other jobs?” When he had said “real talk”, he really meant “real talk”.

“Uh, no boyfriend. Family lives far away and I am just a cleaning lady. This job pays well, so I don’t need to do anything else.

“Cool cool.”

As time went by, he continued to ask you deeper, more personal questions and you had begun to do the same.

“You know, you aren’t really what I expected.” you admitted as you took the last gulp from your fourth glass of wine. “I always saw your Instagram and all those videos and variety shows about you and you are always so out there!” You expressed your words by flinging your arms out in the air as you mumbled away. “And towards me, you are so reserved.”

He scoffed at you with a drunken smirk. “What do you expect? I don’t have to be like that when I am home. This is my place, this is my cave. I don’t have to be T.O.P I can like, just be myself here… But lately, that isn’t so great.” He frowned.

“Why?”

“I’m fucked up and I am getting screwed over at all angles!” Almost instantly he was in a bad mood.

You felt yourself frown. “What do you mean?”

He didn’t answer you, he just dug his face into his hands.

With much effort, you got your buzzed body off the loveseat and made your way up to him, almost falling over in the process. You sat next to him and began awkwardly patting him on the back, this being the most physical contact you ever had with him besides the rare handshake. “Don’t say things like that. I am sure that isn’t the case.”

“Yes I am!” he said as he leaned back, accidentally pinning your hand against the couch. “I am getting fucking old! My generation of idols is dying out… not like literally dying, but all these new little fuckers are taking up all the lime-light and getting international attention, the attention that my era has worked so hard for! All these kids are taking over and what’s gonna be left for me after I’m gone for two years?!? After I leave, then Jiyong leaves, then the rest of the guys have to leave! What’s gonna happen to Big Bang?!? And you know what?... But then again do i even deserve it all? I don’t think I do. When i think about it. I don’t even like the real me.” He confessed. “That is why I like acting so much… I’m not me, I am someone else… When I’m not a character or when I’m not T.O.P, I’m just a drunk, insecure fuck. I can’t even be decent enough of a human being to get my shit together. Youngbae is on the verge of marriage and I’m just… I’m just… I-“ He couldn’t even get himself to finish his words. With that, he chugged down his glass of wine.

With your free hand, you grabbed his arm and gave it a squeeze. “I don’t know why you think that about yourself. I think you are pretty amazing!” you admitted. “You’re so talented and handsome, I don’t see what you could be so insecure about. And like… like… um, all the new groups, like almost every one of them look up to you! You are a legend! Your presence and that of Big Bang isn’t going to fade away, not anytime soon!” You refilled his glass of wine and your own as well, hoping another drink would cheer him up. “And your acting, fuck, that is amazing too! Every time I saw your movie or drama, it made me obsess over you even more… Oh, yeah, I am a huge fan of yours in case you didn’t know, ha!” you took a quick sip before you started talking again. “Now, about your life, look around, I would say you are doing pretty well. Seunghyun, from what I know about you, you aren’t the most conventional person, so why try to live a conventional life?”

He looked up at you, trying his best to process your words. He put his arms up on the couch to lift his slumped form, in the process, throwing one of his arms around you. His lifted his eyebrows, creating the creases on his forehead that made his overall expression so eye catching. “I don’t know if it is the wine talking or the fact that I leave the day after tomorrow, but why don’t we do something unconventional?” He mumbled as his lips came close to yours

-Admin Boat

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vermiculated · 7 years

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books 2017 finale

this is almost brief.

december: The Lying Game - Ruth Ware Every Heart A Doorway - Seanan McGuire Saving Morgan - MB Panichi Call Me By Your Name - Andre Aciman City of Fallen Angels - Cassandra Clare City of Lost Souls - Cassandra Clare (see below) Barry Lyndon - William Thackeray Into Thin Air - John Krakauer

that was the brief part, this is the ‘almost’ part. 279 for the year, up from 188 last year.

Why Did I Ever - Mary Robison fiction, re-read, it is a delight always.

Binti - Nnedi Okorafor fiction, I read a couple of other interesting explorations of "what does it mean when I am more like the monster than the hero?" which is pretty astoundingly generative as a genre, this was my fave. Binti herself explores two alien cultures, and reacts in practical ways to the unexpected, which is always a delight in a heroine. Space is strange; let us not dwell on realism, it's a different real. This willingness to abandon what does not work is characteristic of young women. Young women are great sff protagonists, and young women of historically-disadvantaged backgrounds who are incontestably heroic are the greatest sff protagonists of all.

The Thrilling Adventures of Lovelace and Babbage - Sydney Padua art, complex and excitingly rich alternative history, which not only explains computing history but also, at the last page, yanks at the heart of anyone who has ever yearned. The art is propulsive and antic, and the visual puns are very good. (not to be missed: the encounter with Queen Victoria!) Even I, a person who is bad at reading graphic novels, loitered over the drawings to understand them rather than reading the words and flipping the page.

IQ - Joe Ide fiction, what Sherlock Holmes would actually be like in a modern novel. A loner in a big important city who feels that he has much to make up for, check the convincing depiction of depression, and the real nightmares who actually do fall short in the world's estimation, except that the world is too busy to notice them at all. The main thread is a fun romp, and the minor characters are so exquisite that it is almost a picaresque. I was talking about this loudly on a train, and when I and it stopped, a man came up to me and asked if I could give him the title again as he wanted to buy it. TRUE.

Hild - Nicola Griffith fiction, on the recommendation of @inclineto This is what historical fiction should be like: it's not that this was somehow better than everything else, it was merely relevatory. Historical fiction can be about religion, power, families, war and how to card wool. (You don't have to pick if you are an inside or outside person! Girls, you can be both Thayet and Buri!) The protagonist can be cheerfully bisexual, too. It's as though all of the novels we have determinedly pretended were about gals being in love with other gals came true, and also the heroine gutted bad guys and was eventually canonized.

Everything is Teeth - Evie Wyld and Joe Sumner art, teeth were a big theme this year (as ever) and this is the one where a) no one talks about the shameful inequalities in provision of dental care to children in the United States and b) no one fucks a fish. just letting the distinguished reader know that I have a selection process for what I read, I can see how that might not be clear. I would be delighted to talk about a) and b) mentioned here, or anything else I read this year.

Water Dogs - Lewis Robinson fiction, re-read, always always. the person who loves novels about well-off and unusual families falling apart in opulent squalor either literal or metaphoric and maybe murder? that person is tuv. Inexplicably, no part of this was ever published in The New Yorker.

Margaret the First - Danielle Dutton fiction, on the recommendation of @elanormcinerney The subgenre of “garrulous historical person in his or her own words" is becoming something of a crowded field (Ruth Scurr's book on/with John Aubrey is the other best entrant, there are others) and the artistry involved in this example is particularly fulfilling. This is smart and I remembered all the stuff about science and poetry that Arts & Letters Daily is always trying to teach me. That's why to read women, among other reasons. The smarts.

Blood in the Water - Heather Ann Thompson non-fiction, persistent mismanagement, gross racism, and inadequate communication turn out not to be the way to run an organization. This is really a masterpiece of microhistory, about the Attica Prison Uprising, and the ways in which people in power blind themselves to consequences of their actions, while the people who suffer the consequences of those actions suffer and continue to suffer.

See Under: Love - David Grossman trans Betsy Rosenberg fiction, goes well with the Quay Brothers' "Street of Crocodiles," while we are talking about Bruno Schulz. I read parts of it in my head to the neighbors' dog. the dog understood. my voice would have shredded with sadness if I had spoken. thanks, Astro, for being there.

Sarong Party Girls - Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan fiction, this is the novel that Kevin Kwan isn't tough enough to have written. It's about how grown-ups deal with the consequences of their actions, and also about drinking with pals. A person can be both of those things, and Jazzy is that, and more.

Emotionally Weird - Kate Atkinson fiction, a strong taste for the picaresque, and a crystalline capture of youthful aimlessness and disorder even as it is being shaped by larger forces. Effie wanders through words and life, and I had a wonderful time with this one summer afternoon. No one else appears to have much liked this book, other people are wrong, it's funny. It is profoundly show-offy and unrelateable to play parlor games in the car, say book reviewers with terrible personalities -- sounds like someone lost a game of fives recently. (I’m very good at the game of fives, and I did not quite feel personally criticized when this book was unpopular, if only because I have my expertise at ‘name five mountaineers who did not climb Mount Everest’ to console me.)

A Line Made By Walking - Sara Baume fiction, I just really love books about depressed women acting as they see fit.

Chemistry - Weike Wang fiction, I just really love books about depressed women acting as they see fit.

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue - Mackenzi Lee fiction, recommended by @mysharkwillgoon see "Hild" above, books are just better when the main character solves problems and kisses everyone. This is how historical romances should be, this is what we have all received for those years of crossing our fingers under the cover of a Heyer and hoping 'maybe he'll love his best friend! maybe she'll tell her cousin what she really thinks!" and they DO. and then they escape from pirates, “The Monk,” and robbers.

Raven Rock - Garrett Graff non-fiction, read this first and then think about how we all got from there to a study of underground bunkers and the places where some of us were going to go when the rest of us died. Offutt AFB is along the way, which only served to remind me that I have family in Nebraska and I live in fear of the day when one of them does some casual genealogy and we have to talk; "so. your state. big in the planning for our forthcoming and yet reucrring nuclear crisis, howdoes that feel? feels powerful and also sickening, yeah? anyway, your great-aunt's ashes aren't scattered in the Lincoln Tunnel, but we thought about it."

The Art of Charlie Chan Hock Chye - Sonny Liew art, here is what we are up against. The theme this year appears to have been "weeping at what could have been." This is a first rate textbook, and a cunning subversion of the whole notion of textbooks. I learned a great deal from this; had I learned nothing, my eye would still have wandered along, marvelling at the layout. There are several overlapping stories about narrative, success, and Singaporean history, yet the metatextuality (horrible word, apologies) is never confrontational. Which is truly a pleasure.

The Story of a Brief Marriage - Anuk Arudpragasam fiction, this is the book I've been telling everyone about as my fave book on the year. Only the most literary of adjectives will suffice: brutal, lyrical, lambent, noctilucent, I'm just typing words.

The Unwomanly Face of War - Sveltana Alexievich trans Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky non-fiction, more incisive than more recent collections, and in a shimmering translation. Pevear and Volokhonsky have tossed words out like diamonds on black velvet. The rare wartime history that is more appealing without a map.

City of Lost Souls - Cassandra Clare oh give me a fucking break, Jonathan nee Sebastian brainwashed Jace nee whatever while they were in the magical flying Gormenghast pied a terre, they absolutely schtupped.

#books 2017

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agilenano · 4 years

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Agilenano - News: Why the 'Doom Eternal’ Marauder Sucks So Bad

When Doom 2016 released, it was with a fire and energy unlike anything we’d ever seen before. Oh, sure, games have been violent, and that’s nothing new, but Doom 2016 brought personality to the fray. While the characters droned on about lore nobody cared about, Doomguy understood what we were here to do: rip and tear. Together, we did just that. With the release of Doom Eternal, things have changed, and not necessarily for the better, and nowhere is this illustrated better than with an enemy known as the Marauder. Doom Eternal is a departure from Doom 2016; if you go into it expecting a sequel to the game you’ve waited four years for, you’ll be disappointed, because while it is a sequel narratively, it makes so many changes from its predecessor that it ends up becoming an entirely different kind of game. Where Doom 2016 let you embody Doomguy, Eternal has you putting on a Doomguy costume and exploring a Doomguy theme park. Here’s a fleshy level! Here’s a weird alien level! Why are there rotating flaming chains here? Uh… because Eternal owes more to Super Mario Bros 3. than Doom 2016. It’s weird, sure, but it’s still fun, just in a very different way. Once you get past the extremely high expectations set by 2016, you’ll find a delightfully potent mix of mechanics, movement abilities, weapons, and enemies that creates one of shooting’s best sandboxes. There’s nothing quite as thrilling as dashing past a Tyrant’s fire, leaping into the air in slow-mo, firing a grenade at an arachnotron’s turret to force him into close range combat, then landing on top of an unfortunate imp and chainsawing him in half for more ammo. It’s great! It really is… until the Marauder shows up. In theory, the Marauder is supposed to be the Anti-Doomguy; fighting him should feel like a duel. He has a shield you can’t break, summons adds constantly to fight you, reacts incredibly fast to your actions, and has a hitscan weapon with a minimal tell. He isn’t hard to beat—I’ve killed him in a matter of seconds—but he breaks every single one of Eternal’s rules. He sucks all the fun out of the room. He goes against the flow of Doom’s combat, and he’s the reason I have zero interest in playing more Doom Eternal. Let’s take a step back and talk about what makes Doom, as a series, so interesting. In the Beginning.. In 1993, id released Doom, and a whole lot of game developers started making first person shooters so similar that people took to calling the genre “ Doom clones.” But, as with anything that’s remotely successful, most of the clones didn’t quite nail what made the original as good as it was, either due to a lack of understanding or for a desire to experiment with something new. Doom was a game all about movement, first and foremost. If an imp throws a fireball at you, you step to the side to avoid damage; because the imp’s fireball has a visible travel time, it’s easy to understand and try to avoid. The rocket launcher’s splash damage does self-damage, so it’s important to keep as much distance between you and your enemies as possible when using it. On the surface, this sounds pretty simple; we’ve taken a lot of these elements for granted, and in some cases, they’ve changed over the years, sometimes for the worst. Take shotguns; in Doom, spread determined power, so distance directly correlated with damage. In more recent shooters, some designers use tools like damage falloff, meaning that even if every one of your pellets hit, your shotgun might as well be shooting confetti outside of its effective range. Doom’s elegance is the way that each component of its design, in terms of both weapon utility and enemy ability has a distinct, understandable purpose, and all of those components work together in a way that encourages players to move, but it wasn’t just the monsters or the weapons, it was the level design as well. 'Doom' screenshot courtesy of id In a level like E1M3, as you progress, one pickup causes all the lights to go off and imps burst out of a previously secret door behind you! It’s a great practical joke of the level design, and super memorable, not because it’s a surprise, but because it exists in direct contrast to the rest of the game’s encounters without breaking the level design. You see, there are two kinds of first person shooters, proactive and reactive. A proactive shooter is one where you can see the enemy, often before an encounter begins, and you start to plan how to deal with them. It often involves scouting out the level space, considering routes and cover, which enemies to use which weapons against, and so on. Halo 3’s a great example of a proactive shooter; you’ll often find yourself wading into fights from the high ground, like rescuing Johnson from imprisonment in the level Sierra 117. In shorter term play, planning is about area control; moment to moment, you’re thinking about the space you’re in and how your movement and shooting lets you control that space. Planning is a huge part of what makes a game engaging; if you can get players thinking about what to do next, you can keep them excited. Thomas Grip, best known for his work on games like Amnesia and Soma, has written about it at length here. 'Gears of War' screenshot courtesy of Microsoft Reactive shooters are very different, games that often turn into literal shooting galleries, where you stand still and shoot targets. Games like Gears of War and Call of Duty 4 are proactive shooters, but many of their imitators looked at mechanics like regenerating health systems and cover and decided to make games about staying in cover and moving as little as possible. Gears especially used cover as a way of encouraging a different kind of movement and planning, something its imitators rarely understood. Doom was a proactive shooter; so many of its encounters were about showing you what you were going to encounter, entering the fray, and managing enemies by controlling the space until you’ve completed the encounter. Reactivity isn’t bad; character action games like Devil May Cry 3 or Ninja Gaiden Black are all about reactive play and would be very different as proactive games. These games spawn waves of enemies, and you dodge, counter, and parry your way through combat. You’re making decisions, sure, but you’re reacting to the enemies the game throws at you. It’s not so much about area control as it is about managing the enemies you receive in the order they’re given to you. Reactive play is great for melee-driven action games, but shooters are best for proactive play because ranged combat puts the focus on area control. Over the years, as shooters became more cinematic games moved away from the pure game design abstractions of Doom and Doom 2 and closer to things that felt real. From 2006 or so until 2014, shooters became overly-restrictive, ‘cinematic’ affairs, more interested in showing impressive, expensive sequences that had more panache than dynamism. Good shooter gameplay seemed to matter a whole lot less than overly-restrictive set pieces. Gameplay took a backseat until a new wave of shooters like Titanfall and Destiny showed up to remind us what we were missing. Then along came Doom 2016. Rip And Tear Doom 2016 felt so vibrant because it wasted no time trying to be a movie. As a shooter, it knew you wanted to shoot, and it was only too happy to oblige. While the levels felt like real, believable spaces—Foundry is exactly what a Doom level should be in 3D and Argent Energy Tower beautifully channels Half-Life’s puzzle-like verticality—the game understood that you are Doomguy, and your goal is to show up and kill as many demons as humanly possible. 'Doom 2016' screenshot courtesy of Bethesda But… there was one problem. Most of Doom’s levels center around gore nests, big gobs of flesh that require you to interact with to start the encounter. Go into a room, the doors lock, and you fight everyone in the room until they’re dead. Even levels without gore nests have the same flow. Rather than encouraging proactive play, these levels were better at just encouraging you to run around, reacting to enemies as they spawned, triggering glory kills to get back health and armor, and shooting enemies until they were dead. While the game was absolutely excellent, and a masterpiece of level design and exploration, fights could get repetitive, which is why the back half of the game can feel so tiring compared to the first. At some point, Doom 2016 just stops adding new surprises and only seems to change the set dressing. It’s one of my favorite games, but I’d be happy to acknowledge that there was room for improvement. Instead, we got Doom Eternal. 'Doom 2016' screenshot courtesy of Bethesda Back in 2014 or so, I started working with some friends on a prototype shooter. That shooter featured double jumping, mantling, wall climbing, ice grenades, damaging enemy weak points to change their attack patterns, and a lot of other things featured in Doom Eternal. We were even working on a shotgun with a grappling hook, enemies who needed to be damaged to drop armor, and an ice grenade that could freeze enemies. We had to stop because we couldn’t afford to make it, but it was, in so many ways, my dream shooter, and it was absolutely thrilling to see one of my favorite game developers channeling so much of the same energy I’d had in Doom Eternal. For the first several hours, I found myself enthralled. I wasn’t sure how to feel about the Mario-influenced obstacles or the ultra-linear “encounter, hallway, encounter” level design; Eternal relies heavily on arcadey influences that seem at odds with its predecessor. I definitely wasn’t thrilled by the game’s insistence on story and fanservice, where Doom 2016 felt so much more focused and razor sharp. Still, the combat and arenas were intense and fast paced, though they leaned more towards the reactive side, with enemies constantly warping into battle until I’d killed them all. There are some rough spots—Eternal wants you to use all of its mechanics in every encounter, but sometimes doesn’t provide enough ammo to complete the encounters (you’re supposed to chainsaw fodder enemies to get more ammo, but that falls apart when the game refuses to produce any). 'Doom Eternal' screenshot courtesy of Bethesda Eternal wants to keep you on your toes with a great mix of enemies who push you through agility, area denial, or just plain aggression, like my favorite enemy in the series, the Hell Knight. While the game keeps you on your toes, and the way it handles enemy spawns pushes it closer to reactive play, Eternal tries to balance this with a system of counters. Cacodemons are weak to the Ballista, while the plasma rifle makes short work of the game’s shields. Even though Eternal pushes you to stay on your toes and forces you to fight reactively, there are still ways to make plans, juggling weapons and managing enemies for some semblance of area control. Everything in the game has a counter that works against it. In its most aggressive moments, like the spectacular Slayer Gate encounters, Eternal hits a state of zen few reactive shooters can match, because you’re making plans, but it’s more like “oh no! That’s a Tyrant! Where did he come from? Okay, I’ll use my crucible on him right after I use this ice grenade to get rid of that Whiplash.” Even though you’re reacting, you’re still making decisions. When the Marauder shows up, decisions go out the window. Early on, Doom Eternal establishes rules like “energy shields can be overcharged with plasma fire, causing them to explode, doing damage to nearby enemies.” The Marauder is the only enemy with a shield that takes no damage. Where every other enemy features projectiles and lengthy tells to allow you to dash out of their range, the Marauder’s weapon appears to be a hitscan weapon, meaning it has instant travel time and can only be dodged. He punishes you for getting too close or too far. He can teleport at random. Every rule Eternal sets up, the Marauder breaks… and it kills the flow completely. He isn’t hard to kill, once you get the hang of him, but he sucks because he doesn’t fit. Eternal is a very game designer game, like someone sat down with a bunch of spreadsheets and cross-referenced all the guns to make sure every enemy and action has some sort of clear counter and flow. While the combat encounters themselves are beautifully frenetic, they also have a tendency to get monotonous; great shooters allow for creative play, which is why proactive shooters have an edge over reactive ones. Games that look beautiful on spreadsheets, where every component has a distinct place, minimize that creativity even further, because they prescribe the ways you must play in order to succeed. The Marauder doesn’t even allow that. To beat him, you have to wait until he opens his shield, then stun him, or fire a bunch of explosives behind him to whittle his health down. Neither is really all that fun. There’s no way to bait him into rushing you by, say, blowing up his shield, or taking area control away from me by using weapons to push him into a position you’d find advantageous. He’s immune to the super weapons like the BFG, Crucible, and Unmakyr, for no apparent reason. Eternal is at its best when you’re playing actively and making plans, which are facilitated by its counter system, and while that restricts creative play, it’s still a valid way to get players in the zone. The Marauder has hard counters for everything you can do. He’s not hard, but he’s annoying. He doesn’t fit. He’s like an underwater level or one of those really fast flying enemies that are irritating to hit. He doesn’t pose a challenge, he just sucks all the fun out of the room because he requires you to play passively. The Marauder feels like an indulgence that doesn’t really fit, but that’s true of Doom Eternal as a whole. No one loved Doom 2016 because of the story or the boss fights or the memes that didn’t exist yet, they loved it because Doomguy conveyed so much with so little. Doom Eternal isn’t content to do a lot with a little; it wants to indulge in everything. It adds so much without ever really knowing why. What does purple goop add? What do the weird Mario platformers or 1ups bring to the situation? What purpose does the Marauder serve? Doom 2016 was a vibrant reinvention for the series that was fast enough to maintain the spirit of the game while still allowing for creative and interesting play. Doom Eternal wants to be something different, and that’s okay, because its emphasis on counters can still lead to fun play. But the Marauder just doesn’t fit; he’s antithetical to everything that makes Eternal worth playing. When a game indulges in its least-compelling moments, it loses the things that make it great. The Marauder is Doom Eternal’s biggest indulgence and its greatest failing. #DoomMarauder #Bethesda #FirstPersonShooters #GamesOpinion #IdSoftware

Agilenano - News from Agilenano from shopsnetwork (4 sites) https://agilenano.com/blogs/news/why-the-doom-eternal-marauder-sucks-so-bad

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jiminwreckedme · 7 years

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Fragments

Chapter 1 | 2 |

Member - Yoongi x reader

Genre - Angst, Fluff, (future) smut

Word count - 4.8K

Summary - In a world where humanity was overruled by science, where everything not ordinary was shunned, where sympathy was an abstract concept, you found him. He, who was extraordinary in a way the world could never see. He, who did not want to become who the world wanted him to be. He, who was called Min Yoongi.

But your job? You job was to break him. To make him into something more ‘decent’ from the ‘unwanted creature’ he was seen as. Your job was to make him fall before what the world wanted. Not fall for him yourself.

But you see, human nature is funny.

It does exactly what it’s not supposed to

You looked at the case file in your hand with nervous excitement tingling through you.

It was no ordinary file and no ordinary case. It was the record of one of the rarest cases in the history of mankind. A case which had been deemed hypothetical, something that only filled the pages of textbooks until just 15 years ago the first of this type was spotted, in a remote village in barren the landscapes of Ireland. It was a young female in her early teens who had mysteriously died days after being identified. After her, a handful of such people had been discovered but they either died or disappeared days after being found. Years later, he was the first ever case to be discovered and admitted in an institute. And he was your patient, your case to handle. This could just be the biggest breakthrough of your career.

Min Yoongi, read the name on the file.

“You ready?”

You looked up to see your chief walk right up to you, and straightened immediately.

“Yes chief. I was just about to leave.”

“You must be careful with him Y/N. It’s been 4 days since he arrived but it seems he has only worn out now. It took 4 days mind you, 4 whole days to drain him of his energy. So be cautious. He is a very dangerous person, more dangerous than a clite*.”

You frowned at that. Clite was short for heteroclite and calling someone a heteroclite was derogatory. It was a demeaning way of referring to a person with two fragments and it was one word you hated. Yet you couldn’t say anything because he was your chief. That meant you have to offer him a certain level of respect. Respect you certainly weren’t feeling now.

“I’ll be careful chief.” you muttered.

“He’s on the ground floor, room 1310. Good luck to you Y/N.” He looked at you solemnly. “Though your choice to make him your responsibility has been a great favor on the institute, I hope this will not be a decision you will later regret.”And with that he left.

You took a deep breath calming your nerves. When Min Yoongi arrived 4 days ago he created a storm in the management of the institute. Your colleagues, the alleviators, were curious, excited and interested in him but they were also terrified. His strength, his capabilities, his potential was unknown. He was more dangerous than anyone encountered. No Alleviator was ready to take up his responsibility. No one, but you.

You wanted to know him, help him, free him of the pain he was forced to take upon himself everyday. So you volunteered. What could you possibly regret? He was just another patient. Nothing to worry about. But the adrenaline would not stop pumping in your veins. This was more than just a case to for you. It was an opportunity. An incredibly rare opportunity to see a kind of human you had only read about.

You approached the room 1310 to see the two guards sitting outside, exhausted to the core, falling asleep. Their necks snapped up at the sound of your arrival and they immediately stood up, bowing to you.

“Good morning Alleviator Y/N”

“Good morning to you too.” you point to the half a dozen empty coffee cups lying on the floor and said to their sleepy faces. “Looks like I can’t say the same about last night.”

“oh what a horrible night in fact.” said the taller of the two guards rubbing his eyes. There were surveillance orders placed on this room as the patient’s strength hasn’t been determined yet. The alleviator trainees were talking about it the other day. It seems he wouldn’t allow anyone to run the tests on him. Crazy guy has been creating a ruckus the last 4 nights. Keeps screaming that he wants to leave and that we should set him free. But I think he’s worn out now. I haven’t heard a sound since the morning.”

“But is it true Allev, ” pipped the other one lowering his voice. “that he is triple fragmented? There are talks going around the place. It’s even worrying the rest of the clites-”

“Don’t. Use that word.” you hiss threateningly.

“Sorry.” he apologized sheepishly. “but it’s true isn’t it-”

“Are you asking me to breach patient confidentiality now?” you said as you slipped the case file into the slot outside and tapped your ID card in the reader. You leaned and let it scan your eye, confirming your identity, receiving approval to enter.

“No no Allev. we were just curious-”

“Well curiosity killed the cat and unless you want to die too, of hunger that is, I say you go get something to eat. I’ll be here for a while so you may leave.”

The guards let out a huge sigh of relief. “Oh thank you Allev. Thank you so much!”

As they turned to leave, they wished you luck dropping a bunch of keys in you hand and scrambled away. Before you could ask them what it was for, they were gone, the pangs of hunger making them run faster than usual. You tucked the bunch in the pocket of your coat and looked at the door which was ready to be opened. But were you ready? Not just as an Alleviator, were you ready as someone who was classified by society as a normal human being to meet this man who was not even close to ordinary?

Human beings are made of many inner beings called fragments. During the 9 months as a fetus, these fragments fight inside your being until the most powerful one would emerge victorious and take control of your physical self becoming the person you are after you are born.

But rarely, very rarely, a human would be born with 2 fragments so powerful, that the battle gains no victor in the womb. Instead the fight continues their whole life inside them as they grow, as they learn to speak, walk and fall. Fall in love.

Having two fragments in a body meant possessing the energy, the mind and the capabilities of two entire, possibly two very different people. It meant they were twice as strong, fast and powerful as normal people.

But they also had two different minds.

And people thought their confused state of mind, their varying personality was madness. Because people hate those who aren’t ordinary. So it was natural to hate even those who are extraordinary.

You knew that was wrong.

That’s why you became an alleviator, welcoming the ‘mad’ people who were shunned. Your job was to protect them because nobody else would, to teach them that it was possible to end the fight inside them if they tried hard. To teach them to explore themselves, choose one fragment and give it all their energy to make it win the endless battle of two inside them.

Two fragments were rare enough so when you heard about him, he caught your attention.

He was 3.

His name was Min Yoongi.

And 4 days ago when he arrived he stunned the whole institute. He was apparently a patient bought by force not by will. While it was true that three-frags were extremely rare, it was also true that a patient bought by force was equally rare, making him truly one of a kind. Most people willingly walked through the gates of the institute wanting to be alleviated of their suffering and be embraced by the world as a one-frag but here was this man, who was refusing to be treated, not allowing any tests to be conducted on him, howling away to be set free. And that had interested you, giving you more reasons to take up his case. You were so confident about this back then, so why was it so hard to go in now?

You shook your head pushing away all your thoughts. This was your job. While for others it might but just something they got paid for but for you it was something you stood for. Something you dreamed about doing all your life. You couldn’t back off and be a coward now.

You placed your hand on the handle and swiftly swung the door open, taking a step in. The room was painted with darkness, the only thing illuminated was the empty center, by the sunlight pouring through the window high up the wall. Where was he? Your hands searched the wall until you found the switch, flipping it to turn the lights on. As the white lights threw their brightness all around the grey concrete walls of the room your eyes fell on the figure by the wall, your heart twisted in agony.

There was the infamous man kneeling on the ground, his head down, hands held up above his head by thick metal chains that were cutting through his skin leaving trickles of blood flowing down from his wrists. His hair was plastered with sweat that dripped down his neck and onto his bare torso while the sound of his deep breaths resonated in the room. The only piece of clothing on him were his white trousers, almost camouflaging with the color of his skin, making him look some sort of angel. A fallen angel.

It was a horrifying sight. Not matter how many fragments he was made of, he was still human and he did not deserve to be chained like this. You felt anger and sorrow and pity and helplessness raise in you all at once. You wanted to help him. But how?

As you took a step towards him the jingle of the keys in your pocket caught your attention and your sight fell on the locks of the chains. You breathed a sigh of relief as you quickened your pace towards him and dropped on your knees so you can see his face. But he wouldn’t lift his head.

“Min Yoongi.”

No response.

You reached out for his chains to free him when he flinched, retreating his arm.

“You have nothing to be scared of.” you said softly “ I’m not here to hurt you. You have to let me help you.” you extended your hands, reaching out for it again.

This time he didn’t move.

You removed the cuffs around his wrists letting his arms softly drop to his knees.

“Are you alright?” you reached out for his wrists both of which were cut, the blood on them drying. How long had he been bleeding for? But he pulled away at your touch.

“Yoo-”

“Let me go.”

An ever so soft voice escaped his lips as he raised his head for the first time and you were sure you let out a gasp. He was beautiful. His features were perfectly aligned like someone took all the time in the world to sculpt him. His lips were slightly parted searching for air he couldn’t breath. His cheeks had lost all their color and were sickly pale, all his blood drained away.

“Please.” he said even softer, his eyes finally meeting yours. It was true. The world indeed did seek out to destroy all that was beautiful. But he breathtaking even in his misery. His eyes were the most stunning pair of things you had ever seen. The iridescent orbs, that seemed to have a hundred colors and no color both at once, barely visible under his dark hair were piercing into you, sending chills down your spine. There was so much you saw in them. Pain, misery, betrayal, agony, helplessness, desperation. and hope. Hope he had from you.

But suddenly, his eyes fell shut as he leaned forward giving in to the days of tiredness. And as he fell into your arms, you caught him, your hands wrapping impulsively around his bare back, fingers grazing the deep red scars that stretched across it.

It was at that moment that you knew.

That Min Yoongi was more than just another patient or a case.

He was so much. So much more.

Min Yoongi was starting to become a pain in the ass.

It had been only two weeks since he was here and he was wrecking everything you had struggled to build. Your image, your reputation, your years of hard work, everything was beginning to wash away.

You had been working in the institute for 4 years now and never. Never had you given anyone even the slightest chance to complain about you. Rather, you had quite a respectable image. Your chiefs appreciated you, the trainees often came to you for advice. You even had the nickname silver tongue because you could easily convince and handle any patient.

But now as you walked down the corridor making your way to room 1310, everyone who passed by you was giving you glances of pity. Whenever your colleagues met you, they said things like - ‘fighting!’, ‘it’s okay’, ‘you’ll come around’, it almost felt like they were offering you condolences. Initially it made you upset, but now it was making you outright mad.

Because Min Yoongi was starting to become an extremely frustrating pain in the ass.

The man would just. Not. Budge.

Nothing. Nothing you say or do could make him change his mind. Nothing could make him even speak. He hadn’t said a word to you since he got here expect the other day when he pleaded you to let him go. That was the first and last time you heard his voice.

However according to the guards on his floor and the patients in the neighboring rooms, he was screaming all the time. Screaming to let him go and that he didn’t want to be here, banging the walls and rattling the door, robbing everyone of their peace of mind, but when you were with him? Utterly silent.

The guards told you that he always stopped throwing tantrums minutes before you came to visit him for his scheduled sessions with you. And this piece of news was really maddening you.

The last two weeks you had drained all your energy and willpower and patience to get him to say something. Anything even. How were you supposed to convince him about taking the tests if he just wouldn’t respond. Sometimes you felt like an idiot in there, blabbering away all by yourself as though you were talking to walls. Even walls would probably respond better than him. He was worse than a stone and now you were really reaching your breaking point.

You walked up to room 1310 and tapped your card but you were denied access. What the-? You tap it again once, twice just to be sure, only to be rejected again. You frowned at the system annoyed. You were already super irritated since the morning. First your heater wasn’t working, then your toaster messed up, and then you ran to the institute thinking you were late for work only to realize that the watch on your wrist was 10 minutes fast and now the last thing you needed was another machine messing around with you. You felt a tap on your shoulder and snapped “what?” in your annoyance. It was your chief.

“ What are you doing here Alleviator Y/N.”

“ Chief my patient is….”

You faltered, nearly slapping yourself for your forgetfulness.You were such an idiot. Min Yoongi was no longer in this room. He had been moved out of it so long ago. In fact, you had him moved out. After you discovered that the concrete walls of his room were not enough to contain him.

The first few days after he arrived when the guards told you about his howling and slamming of the walls, you didn’t believe them. There was no way Min Yoongi, the silent angelic boy always dressed in white, who did nothing more than sitting cross legged in the corner of the room, could possibly create such a ruckus. You were thoroughly convinced that the loudest sound he was competent to make, was his heartbeat.

But then you began noticing the walls. The 4 large concrete walls that were enclosing him were beginning to be marked with cracks. Cracks that became bigger and bigger everyday. Cracks that were starting to increase in number. And one day you even walked in to see chips of the grey concrete pooled by the floor breaking away from what looked like the damage created by a punch. It was then, you knew then that everyone was right. That Min Yoongi was way more dangerous than he seemed like.

So you made arrangements for him to be transferred to another room, a place that would keep not only him safe but those around him too. The institute specially designed a steel walled room for him and so far, it seemed to keep him well. And that was were you were supposed to go now, but you were so lost in your annoyance that you ended up coming here.

“I believe your patient is in room 613 now? That three frag right?”

“Yes chief, I -”

“Forgot the room had changed?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry chief.” you look at the floor embarrassed. Urgh. The kind of things you had to go through because of Min Yoongi.

“To apologize is easy but to work is hard. You would’ve have learnt that in the past 4 years you’ve been here.”

“Yes chief.”

“So tell me, how far has the case of the three frag come? Has he appeared for screening yet?”

Screening was the first formality all patients had to clear in the institute. It was a set of tests, run to determine the exact condition of the patients. There were tests for strength, for speed, for stability of the mind, and things of that sort. You never understood why all of that was necessary to help them. It almost seemed like they were inspecting their physical conditions for the army or something. The only tests that really did make sense to you was the magnitude test, the last stage of the screening.

The magnitude tests helped determine the percentage control of both fragments. It helped understand how strong the fragments were in comparison to each other so as to deduce how easy or hard they would be to separate. After this was where Alleviators like you were most significant. Your job was to help the patient identify one fragment, and train them for the defragmentation.

Defragmentation was not an easy task. To defeat a powerful fragment in a body was extremely difficult and immensely painful. The patient had to learn to first harness and channel their energy in their physical being and then divert it to the selected fragment so it could take control of the body. This required a lot of training which depending on the patient’s caliber, could last anywhere from 6 months to 6 weeks. But here you were standing, in charge of a patient for an entire span of 2 weeks, incapable of getting him to pass even the first stage.

“No chief, he hasn’t agreed for the screening yet. I haven’t been able to convince him to.”

Your chief took a pause, looking at you with an expression you quite didn’t understand. “Alleviator Y/N is something wrong?”

“With the patient? I’m not sure-”

“No Allev. With you. Are you facing any problems? Work pressure, stress, anything of that sort.”

“No no absolutely not chief.”

“Then why is it that I do not see the same quality of work from you?” he held your wrist checking the time and showed your watch to you pointedly. “There’s 10 minutes left for your session with the boy but you are not where you are supposed to be. You’ve spent two weeks with him and you still haven’t got him to appear for the screening. You seem distracted and out of focus. What exactly is wrong?”

You stare at him in disbelief. Distracted and out of focus? And you? You felt the anger and annoyance you were feeling since the morning reach its peak. ‘What is wrong’ he asked right. He was about to get a very detailed answer then now.

“What’s wrong? WHAT’S WRONG!? What’s wrong is Min Yoongi is not a patient. He’s not even human. In fact he’s a STONE! A lifeless, cold hearted stone! Forget talking to me, it’s been two weeks and he still won’t look at me straight in the eye for more than a minute. I go in the morning with his breakfast to him, he eats it quietly. I go in the afternoon with his lunch, at night with his dinner, then also he eats it quietly. When I go for the evening session, I’m the only one who is talking. I only ask questions and I only give answers. What’s worse is, that asshole doesn’t even have the decency to laugh at a joke! One day I was so desperate to hear him say even one word, just one word, so I added extra chili in his food, thinking he would at least open his mouth to ask for water but that stubborn fellow ate the whole thing silently! He didn’t even let out a whimper. In fact, I thought I didn’t add enough chili so I tasted it and my whole throat- no my whole body was on fire! It was BURNING! It was so hot I gulped maybe two whole cans of water and this obnoxious person just looked at me like I was the one who was mad! Now you tell me what else I can do. I sat and even told him stories like he was some 5 year old. I discussed my other cases with him telling him that he wasn’t alone, and that there are people like him and that we are here to help him and that he should at least go for the screening. BUT NO. He just won’t respond! And I’m so done with him that every time I see him now I want to either strangle him or push him off a cliff, whichever gets rid of him faster.”

You stop to catch all the breath you lost in your frustrated outburst, literally clutching your chest. Your chief was looking at you like he is questioning your sanity. You didn’t realize while you were speaking but there were others in the corridor too and they were staring at you shell shocked. You calmed your nerves, and tried to apologize but your chief spoke first.

“I think I’ve understood what’s wrong Allev. But let me remind you, Min Yoongi became your responsibility by will, not by force. You volunteered to take care of him so he is yours to handle, no matter how difficult he is. You know he is not ordinary. He is the first of his kind to ever be brought to an institute and would be the first ever three frag to be tested. His screenings would not only be useful for his treatment but for us also. Do you know how much research can be done with a case like this? You better start working fast Allev. Y/N. I don’t know how you will do it. Convince him, threaten him or drag him, do whatever you want but in the next 21 days, I want this form to be filled.”

He held out the classification form. You took it uncertainly, hands shaking a little. Could you really manage this in three weeks? Last two weeks proved to be highly unsuccessful.

“And Allev, I hope you are keeping his condition within the walls of the institute? You know how long it took to dismiss the rumor going around about him being three frag. If the military gets to know that the public know about his condition it might just be the end of the entire institute.”

You nod understanding. You didn’t know what role the military had in all this but you figured over time that it was big. You had often seen officials walk in and out of here quite casually. They must be in charge of the security of the institute. After all the inhabitants of this place weren’t exactly normal or stable.

“And Allev. I am, for the time being, excusing you from all your other cases.” you blinked at him stupidly, eyebrows raised in confusion. “To put it more simply, from now on, you will not handle any case other than Min Yoongi. You will direct your entire focus and time towards him and finish this by your deadline. And let me tell you, failing to do so could be detrimental. For the both of you.”

And with that he went, leaving you clutching the file real hard, your heart beating against it nervously. You just went from an Alleviator who was handling 5 cases to a pathetic person who wasn’t considered capable enough to handle one. Walking quickly towards his room you mentally prepared all the unpleasant things you had to say to Min Yoongi today.

You stopped in front of his room and glanced at your watch. There were 5 minutes to 12. You reached out for the handle of the door and retreated thinking better. Anyway it wouldn’t open before it was session time. For that, you were to blame.

You had insisted and convinced your chief that maybe Min Yoongi was behaving the way he was because he felt like a prisoner. In 1310 he had nothing more than 4 walls, a bed and a jug of water. Even the sunlight that entered the room seemed to seep in with difficulty. You thought if you let him stay like the other patients did - in a normal room, with comfortable facilities, bed, tv, closet, clothes and all that, he would feel more welcome here and not be covered in wounds every time you went to see him. There were gashes on him everyday, fresh and bleeding, from his relentless attempts to escape the place and it was really bothering you. But even after providing him with everything, you would still walk into two things - silence and scars.

On top of that, your decision to shift him here made it even more difficult for you because if you were letting him live like everyone else, you also had to give him privacy. Which meant that Yoongi had a lock inside the room.

It was only during the consultation time that these locks could be opened by tapping your card on the system. At other times the patient could choose to not let anyone enter by locking the door from inside. And of course Min Yoongi wasn’t going to let you enter anytime you wanted. So you had to wait till the time was 12 and then proceed to work like a robot. Walk in, order food for him through the digital menu, tend to his wounds till it came, then watch him eat, then blabber for a while as he stays silent and leave when 2 hours were up.

You took a deep breath, tapping your feet, playing with the corner of the file. You couldn’t follow the same routine now. If Yoongi was going to strip you of the rest of your patients and earn you rebukes from your chief, then things would have to change.

Not wanting to waste time, you flipped through the file your chief handed you. It was form that was filled as the last formality after screening results were received. And you had 21 days. 21 days to get Yoongi to talk, to convince him to appear for the tests, get him screened and then wait for his results. Normally for someone as efficient as you, 21 days would seem like a long long time, but you had been seeing Yoongi for the last two weeks and you knew that before his stubbornness and adamancy, 21 days were nothing. They would fly by a blink of the eye.

You couldn’t understand what was the matter though. Why Yoongi refused to be taken for any tests, why he refused to see anyone, why he wouldn’t let anyone touch him?

Anyone but you.

If you were not wrong, ever since the day Yoongi arrived in the institute, the longest he allowed anyone to be next to him, was you. He didn’t even allow the cleaners to enter and clean his room, he didn’t allow the servers to bring his food for him, he didn’t allow anyone, by apparently always making a scene by throwing things around in the room at them. But you had never seen this scene that he created because he was always quiet around you, calmly accepting your presence,

And that was the reason maybe, as much as you were hated how incapable, incompetent and pathetic he made you look, you still relentlessly went to him everyday. Because it seemed as though he found some unknown solace in you. Even though he never explicitly showed it, you could see how his shoulders lost tension when you enter the room, how the slight frown on his face disappeared when you spoke to him, how he relaxed when you gently dressed his wounds. There was something about him that you were yet to understand, something you promised yourself to do. It just needed time. Time you didn’t have.

When your wrist watch gave a soft beep, indicating it was 12, you reached out mechanically for the handle and pushed it, forgetting that your watch was messed up and only just realizing that the door won’t open.

But it opened.

The door wasn’t locked from the inside, it opened.

Min Yoongi left it open.

And from the small gap that you were staring at in disbelief, you heard a voice.

His frightened, trembling voice.

“No….”

(*Clite - pronounced kly-t)

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