#it was inspired by something like a week after the newest mario party released

[moeblob]

[annoying-lucy]

Evan Evagora did an AMA involving the Star Trek Shitposting Facebook Group - the questions and answers below were copy/pasted direct from the collated master post. Evan is a member of the group, who participates under an unknown pseudonym.

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AMA Master Post!

Thanks so much to Evan Evagora for taking time out of his day for our AMA earlier. To make the questions and answers easier for ya'll to find, here they all are together below.

Q: How does my love of cats compare to Elnor?

A: Im actually more of a dog person, there was a scene that had Elnor and spot 2 unite briefly but unfortunately it didn’t leave the editing room

Q: How familiar was I with Star Trek before and did I have to do research?

A: I grew up with TNG, I’d have to say either worf, Guinan or Q are my favourite characters. And I was given episodes to watch that were to help with information before filming Picard

Q: How was I prepped to deal with the crazy fans?

A: I got told to join Star Trek shitposting 😉. Not but in all seriousness, it was Jonathan Frakes who gave me advice on entering the world of fandom from the other side and he said it’s been nothing short of a pleasure

Q: So if Hugh had survived would they have made out?

A: what happens on the cube stays on the cube

Q: My favourite moment of s1

A: getting to slice that romulans head off

Q: How did I hear about Star Trek shitposting?

A: most of the crew is either a part of the group or knows about, one of the amazing hair and make up ladies got me into I think my first or second day

Q: If I had to be Tuvixed with someone excluding elnor?

A: mirror verse Elnor, nah worf to be honest

Q: What is something I’d like to do in season 2

A: Id like to see Elnor and spot 2 together

Q: How am I passing my time woth quarantine?

A: ama for the gronp! Nah I’ve just been reading, writing and also the contact I’m having with the fans too has really helped a lot

Q: If I had to quarantine with any of my costars who would it be and why

A: I’d go with hardy treadaway he’s got the nicest place

Q: What am I hoping to see in Elnor’s future

A: Inner peace, contentment and possibly shorter hair?

Q: Am I intimidated by working on a show with such a big fan base?

A: no I grew up with Star Trek, you’re really in a bubble of filming when you’re making the show, it all didn’t really hit home until the first trailer at San Diego

Q: Would I consider playing Elnor as non binary

A: I’ve seen a lot of debate and discussion about not only my character but others in the series, if there is something that connects you with a character on this show and it resonates with you, even if it’s shown, not shown or hinted at I’m all for it. I am not for the constant belittlement, bullying and criticism of not only the characters on the show but also other fans. It really does break my heart reading comments where people aren’t welcoming of one another, because that is the whole reason why Trek has bought so many together and by spewing these disgusting cruel words out your not only showing the world you don’t understand the meaning behind the show, you also are destroying the thing that makes us all love it

Q: Is there Australia on romulas

A: yeah they have a down under I’m sure of it. No the accent can easily be explained with, Elnor left romulas at a young age, moved to a planet with different species and languages spoken so that influenced his accent

Q: Have I seen Elnor fan fiction and art?

A: yeah some of it has been really amazing! And some others have been...creative

Q: How excited am I to make home movies with my action figures?

A: my plan is to buy everyone’s, make them record audio and then film shit using the dolls and their voices

Q: Are you playing animal crossing?

A: I’ve preordered it because they’ve sold out here in aus, but in playing civ 6 to pass time and Mario party

Q: Did I get to try Romulan ale?

A: no I wish, I’m kind of hoping for a scene next year where Elnor gets drunk for the first time

Q: What character did I wish would appear in our show?

A: one word, one letter Q

Q: What’s my background have I been acting long?

A: Picard was my third acting gig, and the first project to release, so I have got some experience acting and I have previous work but it has either just aired or is going to next year

Q: Please my friend choose a charity you would like us to donate to

A: food bank

Q: Favourite ninja turtle

A: it’s always been Raph and always will be

Q: Do I know much about Elnors background

A: I know things that haven’t been mentioned yet, but also given his character is new and season 1 just finished, hopefully some of those things are explored

Q: How would o feel about the fan theory that Spock is my father

A: I mean, I’m not really sure, I can always shoot Ethan a message and ask him what he thinks too

Q: Which classic episode trope would I like to see?

A: mirror universe

Q: Can we look forward to more ninja representation?

A: is Elnor not enough? ☹️

Q: Were there any particular characters I drew inspiration from, any elves?

A: there’s a particular group of people I think Elnor might have been inspired from. Can I just say how cool it would be if Elnor is just cosplaying as an elf because Picard left him a copy of Lotr when he was young

Q: Would I be open to exploring Elnors sexuality in s2 and what would it be?

A: I am totally open for that, and as for Elnors sexuality, I’m not sure he’s only 17 he’s just left his planet and gone off on an adventure where he openly knew the success may lead in his death or others he hasn’t had time to figure himself out so seeing his sexuality explored would be amazing

Q: What stories did you hear about working on precious trek series from the OG actors?

A; So we found out Michael Dorn used to muddle his lines up because he was normally the last close up of the day. They used to put bets on to see how many takes he’d have to do. All I must add in very fun spirits nothing ever malicious or mean

Q: My long term career goals

A: id like to keep pursuing more roles I’m acting, I’m a big writer and have some projects I’m looking at getting created but right now I’d say I’m just here to learn and grow

Q: What do I write?

A: right now I’m working on three screenplays and two pilots most of the stuff I’ve written is just sitting on my hard drive just waiting to be used

Q: Ever fried an egg, buttered and vegemite'd some toast and eaten it like a sandwich?

A: what I just read, scared the crap out of me, I love vegemite but the most I’ll do is add cheese to it

Q: What is one of my favourite stories about s1

A: Jeri Ryan and I had a scene together in the borg cube (what a queen she made!) it was shooting at night and I think it was the final shot of the day, we couldn’t keep a straight face and just laughed through about fifteen takes

Q: Are you a big fan of fandom besides Trek?

A: Star Wars, lotr, the magician series Raymond e feist, a song of fire and ice series, avatar last air bender and legend of Korra (would love to play zuko) and of course Batman (fav Jason Todd as the hood)

Q: Could I see myself playing Elnor for six or seven years?

A: as long as there’s a good story that myself and fans will enjoy, but if it didn’t meet my expectations no. And also hopefully the writers and creators would want to

Q: My top TNG eps are in no particular order

I borg, all good things, tapestry, the measure of a man and all good things

I’ll also add I borg especially because it’s just cool seeing where Hugh began and how he ended up

Q: How did I land the role of Elnor?

A: I was on a break from filming Fantasy Island (a movie based off the old tv show) and I was home for pilot season which is when they cast for shows, I had two weeks of daily auditions before I was due to fly back and start filming again, two days before I was meant to leave I got an audition for Picard, the script had a code name and Elnors name was Kbar on it, but I was told it was Star Trek. I went into the room and thought I didn’t do a very good job, then I flew to film and two days later I was told I’ve made a list of people being considered, after a few more auditions and a couple of phone calls from producers and everything I found myself on a plane to LA five weeks later

Q: Have I made friends among the cast?

A: no, we tried really hard to become friends, but unfortunately we ended up becoming a family instead. Everything we say in interviews about us getting along is all true and not fake. I’m the newest to acting out of everyone so I was kind of of shocked to find out that how close we all are isn’t necessarily how it will be when I shoot other projects, so I think we just got lucky or they casted really well

Q: Have the Picard people seen your memes?

A: yes I’ve shown them the memes from the page, I’ve shown everyone including Patrick we find most of them funny (some shocking)

Not shocking in a bad way

Unexpected I should say

Q: How do I feel about the ears?

A: I wore them so much they came up in my dreams, but they were the easiest thing to apply onto me

Q: Which non tng character would I like to see return?

A: I wouldn’t mind seeing the doctor

Q: The most relatable Star Trek character?

A: Look for me growing up it was Wesley, i just picked anyone who was the young one. And I grew up with my sisters and was always being told I’m either wrong, an idiot or just to shut up

Q: Did I have previous martial arts experience before the show?

A: I have a background in boxing which helps when it comes to movement, reflexes and just all around fitness for stunts. I didn’t have any sword fighting experience before we began training for the show however

Q: How do you think being raised by an order of women affected Elnor?

A: I think it gave him a healthy understanding of not only the strength and resilience of women but I think he understands not only gender equality but just equality in general and I think that’s directly to do with growing up in a sect of all female warrior nuns

Q: What is a type of meme you would like to see more of in the group?

A: I love all the memes in the group, I hardly like any of them now incase someone figures out who I am though ahahah

Q: Favorite recent memes?

A: See my comment below

[agemintherough]

Revisiting Chapters Nineteen, Twenty and Twenty-One of Gems Without Measure; A Pirate’s Treasure

I do apologize for taking so long to do this, but between the holidays, writing final exams, reading over 60 research papers, and getting sick, I haven’t really been feeling up to writing anything of quality. Thankfully, it seems like I can finally breathe. This is a positive thing. Still, it has been three chapters since my last round of chapter commentary, so let’s dive into it:

1) Back when I thought the harpoon was a sword, the gag with Connie quoting Thor was going to be about King Arthur. Instead, I switched it to Captain Ahab from Moby Dick. May I just say that Moby Dick is an English teacher’s nightmare? I am so glad I do not have to teach it, but even I don’t think I could capture an entire class’ attention with that over several weeks.

2) I am unsure at what point I decided to have Amethyst and Petrea become best friends, but I feel like it works. I’d chalk it up to Petrea fighting Miss Doublefinger to save Amethyst, but what do I know?

3) I will never stop quoting the 4kids rap about Usopp doing his “marksman thing.” If I have an opportunity to slip it in, odds are I will.

4) Ratchet and his crew are absolutely terrible at being villains. They pose no threat and really accomplish nothing. When I decided to do this movie, I had not yet viewed it but I chose it for three reasons: to counterbalance the seriousness of the arc that came before it and the arc that will come after it, to have Peridot fight in a giant robot, and Luffy’s finishing move. SecondaryShade pointed out that, by keeping Ratchet and the others pretty much the same, I instantly removed conflict from the arc, thus making it less about HOW the conflict would resolve itself but, rather, WHEN it would. While it is funny to point this out in the story every now and then (which I do a lot, especially in the next chapter), something is lost. This was part of the reason that I am proud of how my version of “Oceans Dream” turned out. It was even suggested that I could have removed the villains and made it a standard treasure hunt and achieve the exact same outcome: a lighthearted calm before the storm. In hindsight, I agree that it could have been a fun time, but I like to think that this arc still had its moments to shine. 

5) I thought it would be funny to have Petrea have a running gag in this arc having the nice dress that she received from Ratchet (her being the only one who seemed to enjoy it without questioning it) constantly keep getting destroyed. I worded that I was making her too petty, but I do not think it came across that way. She is from the world of One Piece, where this kind of gag is considered commonplace.

6) Remember the Talisman of Cloth? I introduced that back in Chapter 38 of AGITR to explain where Steven keeps getting his shirts. It might be odd to think that Gems need cloth, but if you watch the newest set of episodes, it’s not that far out there.

7) This scene presents an example of one of my biggest flaws as a writer: having a giant scene with over fifteen characters and having them talk. Drawing comics or animating a cartoon can show the characters there, even if they are just reacting to the action. Here? I tend to interject a single comment every now and then just to remind the audience that they are there. It is one of my biggest problems and, as such, we are having more scenes of the cast splitting up and getting their own individual spotlights. 

8) Remember kids: Peridot has never heard of Malachite before. Will Malachite appear in this story? Time will tell.

9) Opal’s presence in this story marks the second official fusion appearing in this story. The movie just has them released from the trap by the butler, but I thought this was better suited. I made sure to acknowledge her forgetfulness that is outline in the book Guide to the Crystal Gems.

10) As of this chapter, Peridot’s official laugh is now (and was retroactively changed to “Nyehehehe!” As the Gem who is the most attuned to the One Piece world thanks to Robin’s influence, it makes sense that she would get her own One Piece laugh.

11) As noted, Ratchet’s castle is pretty much taken right out of Scrap Brain Zone or Metropolis Zone from Sonic the Hedgehog or Skull Castle from Mega Man.

12) If I ever decide to pull a Scooby-Doo split-up, you can bet your bottom dollar Greg will call it out.

13) I am proud of the Petrea/ Amethyst/ Maji beatdown. It features some of my better fight descriptions. Kudos to me.

14) Of course, Steven lists off various plots of video games in his rampant speculation about Ratchet’s fortress, including Dr. Robotnik, Dr. Wily, and Bowser.

15) My original intention was to have Zoro and Damian beat the shit out of Honki as a gag, but then I realized Steven would never allow that. Steven might have learned that fighting is necessary some times, but he’s still our boy at heart. If he can find a way around fighting, he will.

16) I drew out a lot of sketches for how I would create Peridot’s robot. I looked up various Gundams and anime designs, but nothing was speaking to me in terms of aesthetics. I did find an AWESOME custom of one of my favorite Transformers (Tailgate) customized as Peridot. Finally, I decided that if this was a video game inspired villain,  I should have a video game inspired boss. I looked up Mega Man Robot Masters and found my inspiration in Astro Man from Mega Man 8 (I have never beaten that one. Just typing this gives me terrible memories of “JUMP JUMP SLIDE SLIDE.” He also appeared in Mega Man and Bass. The cogs connecting the arms might have been an unintended reference to Mega Man 2’s Metal Man (my favorite Robot Master besides Drill Man) but I honestly can’t remember.

17) I was so excited when I came up with the name “Peribot” only to get sad when I found out that was the official name for Peridot’s robot.

18) This fight was truly what sold me on this movie. The idea of Peridot fighting Ratchet because she was offended by him calling himself a genius spoke to me. This is the first time Peridot has actively fought for the crew and is a big step in her development. She might have not fully declared herself an actual Crystal Gem (save cowering at Aokiji), but she is open to being a Straw Hat. She is the only full Gem as of this moment to actually get offered an actual position in the crew as its inventor. Between Steven actually caring about Peridot both before and during this story, Petrea urging Peridot to become a team player, Luffy’s open acceptance of her, and Robin acting as her guide; Peridot has grown to care about this dimension and the people in it. 

The question is if she has worked that part out. Remember: the events of “It Could Have Been Great” and “Message Received” have not occurred…but who knows if those episodes will play out the same in this story?

19) The “I am many things” quote is appropriated from Superman: The Animated Series; specifically, Darkseid in the series finale. God, Darkseid is just a great villain and Michael Ironside is perfect. If I could cast One Piece with anyone, he would be my pick for Crocodile.

20) Peridot comparing Luffy’s new ability (I WONDER WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT. I'M SURE IT WILL NEVER COME UP AGAIN) to soup is a reference to “When It Rains.”

21) Peridot being chosen as the ship’s inventor of course leads to an argument with Usopp, who is the inventor by default. Surely this will have no impact on the upcoming arc.

22) We now have instance number two of Greg playing Avi and Surasshu’s beautiful background music: the fusion theme for Alexandrite from “Super Watermelon Island.”

23) My narration for the Alexandrite scene lifts a line from “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.” I’m sure you can pick up on it. You guys are smart. 

24) To end the video game theme, Steven quotes the first ending of Super Mario Bros…though in-story, it would be Super Mueo Bros.

25) I almost named the baby turtles after Ninja Turtles, but I instead chose a Sesame Street reference (that was mainly because the name “Shelly” was too punny not to use) and a Looney Tunes reference that I doubt anyone picked up on.

26) In the movie, the Straw Hats try to drag the eggshell into the ocean and lose it due to its weight. Rather than make this all for nothing, the extra wealth will be used to further the story along. How? Wait and see!

27) Connie was given her bag back in Chapter Eight of AGITR. 

28) Phil, as you may remember, is a character from F*ckthesystem125’s fanfiction Luffy’s Renewed Adventure (which is the story that inspired me to write this story). I got approval to use Phil as a sort of underworld broker, so here we go. 

29) Backslide Island is named after Dan Backslide: Coward-Bully-Cad-And-Theif from the amazing Merrie Melodies cartoon The Dover Boys. Telemachus Island is named after Odysseus’ son from The Odyssey. 

Can you tell I teach English?

30) Spandam: the character I have been the most excited about writing. I have often expressed that Crocodile is my favorite One Piece villain, but Spandam is probably my third favorite right after Arlong. However, Crocodile and Spandam are very similar in my eyes because of one thing: I look at both of them as being like Cobra Commander.

…I have a point to this.

Versatility is very rare when it comes to characters. Typically when you create a character, you have to stick with the traits that make that character well-known. Michelangelo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles might have started out bland, but the second his Microseries came out, he was established as the gentlest Turtle. The second the 80’s cartoon came out, he was established as the “party dude.” From there, his characterization kind of built upon those two key story structures.

But every now and then, you get a character that can transcend that. The best example is Batman, who can be both a grim avenger of the night and a fully-deputized agent of the law and still be the same character. Batman might have his tragedy (even in the Adam West show, where it was mentioned once in the first episode), but he can be anything. I love Batman: The Animated Series just as much as I love Batman: The Brave and the Bold. 

Cobra Commander is similar, but different.

When first developed, Cobra Commander was appearing simultaneously in the G.I. Joe cartoon and the Larry Hama comic book. Both had him as the main bad guy, but holy shit were both of them radically different…and that is not even getting into Cobra-La or the Used Carsalesman Origin. 

This is Cobra Commander in the comics:

In the comics, Cobra Commander was deadly, manipulative, and competent. He created a terrorist organization by using a pyramid scheme and managed to have it grow multiple times. The entire Broca Beach arc right after he came back from the dead shows just how manipulative he could be…just like Crocodile, who manipulated an entire country into a civil war. However, I can’t even claim that the Crocodile I wrote was completely similar to the comic Cobra Commander. To complete THAT comparison, you need to add G.I. Joe Resolute into the mix:

Alternatively, you can add both of them together and produce the G.I. Joe Renegades version, who has manipulated the USA to thinking that Cobra is legitimate while being just as ruthless as the Resolute version. Is it perfectly Crocodile? No, as Crocodile is his own man, but the same sort of tone is there when I write him. Both are ruthless and intellectually brilliant. The difference is one has lost hope in his original dreams and shifted them instigating chaos in the hopes of obtaining military might, the other has never lost faith in their original dream of controlling the world. 

The cartoon version, however, throws that out of the window for what the writers described as “less Adolph Hitler and more Yosemitie Sam.”

Holy crap, this guy is ineffectual as hell, but there is always something slightly threatening about him. Clearly he a large enough threat to warrant the creation of a military mission force, but the man’s ideas in schemes range from creating mind control fast food restaurants to making the greatest rock and roll band ever. When I read Spandam (and if I ever get inspired to record an audio version of this story…yes, I have thought about it, but I have no actresses who could join such an ambitious project), I read him with Christopher Latta’s voice. He wants to gain power, but he is lacking in nearly every department. His minions are all stronger and smarter than him…and yet he still needs to be competent enough to demand respect. Spandam is dangerous and, quite frankly, despicable in how he treats Robin and Franky. He is the absolute worst…and yet is two steps away from being a laughing stock. I love it. I love the over the top antics and how smug he is. The man is deplorable in every sense, which will make him a perfect foil for Steven later on…

To sum up this giant, semi-off-topic post: Crocodile and Spandam are my faves.

30) Pay no attention to the mention of Vegapunk, Spandam picking up something and quickly putting it into his pocket, the mention of CP9 recruits, or the bit about “Gems of myth.” That is just fluff.

31) “Don’t cry for me. I’m already dead,” is from The Simpsons. This is not the last Simpsons reference in this chapter.

32) Steven is imitating Darth Vader from Revenge of the Sith…because why not?

  33) Despite my previous claim, “Pucci” is NOT a Simpsons reference, but was actually from the manga in this section of the story. Since it was explicitly called a city and not an island, that meant I could tie it into my Baroque Works trio’s underworld adventure. Hooray for canon-wielding!

34) It was important to split up the crew at this point. It would be way too hard to juggle around all of these different characters at the same time and still give everyone the proper attention they need. Does this mean I am putting them on a bus for this arc? Not exactly, but what they will be doing WILL be worth waiting for. 

35) Though Pearl is doing her best to fit in and enjoy herself, it is important to remind everyone that the Cluster is still a threat. Think of it as a “ticking clock.”

36) Genevieve remembers Greg’s advice from Chapter Forty-Five of AGITR on how to properly leave somebody for an extended period of time.

37) We now have our second Simpsons reference: the shipwright song. When I started writing down lyrics, I thought I was using the melody of “The Perfect Nanny” from Mary Poppins. Instead, I found myself thinking of its Simpsons counterpart: “Minimum Wage Nanny.” Honestly, I’m just happy I managed to get Luffy’s canon request for him to be five meters tall into the song. This might be my favorite song in this part of the story so far.

38) Why does Garnet want money for a newspaper? The answer may surprise you.

39) I justify Steven taking Connie on a date because they aren’t actually dating for romantic reasons. They are way too young for that. This is for them to have a great time together. Nami recognizes this and is levelheaded enough to properly handle Steven’s request. To be fair, who doesn’t look at those two kids and think they will be a great couple when they get older? If only there were a time skip that could show them that way…

40) Greg is, of course, reminiscing about the events of “Greg the Babysitter.”

41) Greg is my favorite Steven Universe character. He is one of the greatest fathers in television and a man who truly loved his significant other. I kind of used Greg here as a mouthpiece for how I view my relationship with my wife. We love each other for who we are and what we mean to each other, and this was brought about by time and open communication. No topic is taboo…that, in my eyes, is the key to a successful relationship. It is not about lavish gifts or forcing romantic moments, it’s about the times as the end of the day where you just sit and talk. A wife…a husband…a partner…they are your best friend first. It is my anniversary today as I am writing this, so excuse the sentimentality.

As it stands, I was surprised as I watched the newest episodes of Season Four (thank you Xfinity!) and *spoilers* noticed an INCREDIBLY similar conversation to this one in one of the episodes. If that was not prophetic timing, I don’t know what is. I think that is twice now this story predicted things on the show, with the first being Steven greeting every object in his house when he returned to it after a long absence.

42) CP9 was mentioned twice before in this story (Chapter 40 of AGITR and Chapter 21 of GWMAPT)…I am sure it means nothing.

Well, that turned into a giant post. Tune in next time in three chapters! In the meantime, check out @cyanideoreo who is now pretty much this story’s official artist! Now that I no longer feel sick, I will begin writing the next chapter tomorrow so let’s hope I can finish it soon!

[toddmichaelrogers]

Letter to You

All in due time

I am obsessed with the concept of time. When I read an article about light moving across time and space to reach us from distant galaxies, and how...what we are viewing in those distances may have already passed into death thousands of years ago, it gets my dick “Super Mario 2 (Japanese Version) hard”.

I think about equations of time v.s growth on a nearly daily basis. I am obsessed about it.

Some may feel possessed

I myself obsess about it

My youngest brother was born twenty-two years ago. His name is Ben. This week, he came for a surprise visit by telling me he would be here and then allowing me to forget. The added bonus was we got to celebrate his birthday together. That night, I drove him and his friends and Kelsie around (they may all be kids to me, but Kelsie’s been my brother’s partner for longer than I’ve known my own). We spent the night at a false speakeasy, and a giant championship pool hall, empty but for a few of us. As the night ended I drove the kids up to a hill called love circle, where a year ago I had imagined killing myself (I had a concussion, it’s cool).

In the car Michael, this kid I had not seen in a decade, popped in a song that maybbbbe three people in the world might have known. It’s a B-Side which could only be known to someone such as myself, someone who cares entirely too much for a half-forgotten Scottish 1980s group. 

“Is this fucking Big Country?” I asked. And then both parties continued asking in astonished voices if the other if they enjoyed the same band, until Michael ripped his shirt open to reveal a 1986 tour tee. “What the fuck?!” I screamed. And then preceded to tell him that Spell Saga was inspired by this band’s music; there was no need to explain what Spell Saga was to the kids in the car, they had seen the card game and its stacks of packages sitting in my living room.

The game has continued to haunt me. The rest of the packages will be sent out sometime in the next 30 days, and the manufacturer will be paid up for services rendered in the next week. That is about 1500 days since I decided to pursue the project, and over 800 days since the Kickstarter worked and we knew it was going to go to print. 

Sometimes people write very frustrated messages online wondering where their packages are, but the comments that mean the most to me are the ones where people are nice hahaha. No, I shouldn’t laugh, it’s haunting. Trying to do something right and trying to handle your own mistakes in public is about as nerve-wracking and humiliating as anything since 7th grade.

In the meantime I’ve taken all those worries and embarrassments and pushed them into the next Spell Saga release (Deck 1.5 The Under Sky) which may or may not work, we’re about to find out in March. The concept and design are so ridiculous and in depth that I’ve been forced to finish the entire thing before playing it at all--something I have not done since Spell Saga 4.0 was finished to show at Gen Con back in 2011. The whole thing could be rendered nearly pointless if the game isn’t fun to play--but then again, how can you know? Countless hours of Photoshopping and weird little doodles for an unknowable outcome. If that isn’t the official theme of Spell Saga, or indeed, everything I make, then I don’t know what is.

Speaking of time, games, and 7th grade (and as was mentioned in previous correspondence) this Autumn, after twenty years of waiting, I will be releasing a card game I started making in 7th grade. The illustrator is my friend Weshoyot, who just sent me the final pieces this past week. This is after we began working on it together 9 years ago! My god, I know this blog has a sort of theme running through it but even that takes me aback, (it also takes me a-straight-back, to 2009, when I was getting married to my first wife, designing EPIOCH instead of planning a wedding, and about to start work on both The Novel & Spell Saga...what a fucked up year…)

The novel I started still continues, and work goes well, actually. Yes it’s been 8 years, but after forcing a second draft on New Years day of 2016 I have now arrived, one year later, into new territory. Most of last year was spent agonizing through a muck of the same few chapters. It was almost nerve wracking to pick it back up, after a month’s rest, and knock-out another two new chapters without a hint of friction.

I was talking to my brother while he was in town (we always have the same talk and he hates it, but I always push it) “why aren’t you making things” I ask him every visit. I know he wants to. And I can’t speak for him, or rather, I won’t but I think there’s this perfectionist thing that hits in varying degrees. (I’m speaking more about myself then him, right now) I’ve read that  perfectionism is linked to depression, and alcoholism--this idea that things need to be a certain way, or they aren’t worth it--when really, that’s not true at all. 

Things just need to be as good as you can make them at the time, and then finished. I spent most of last year stuck on the same songs, and the same chapters, unsure of how to move forward, yet sure they had to be brilliant or cool.

But, I’m not either of those things. I don’t know how many passes I think will bleach the uncoolness out of something, but it doesn’t work. There’s something to be said for taking one’s time--and of course putting something away and rewriting it is definitely in everyone’s best interest...but still, finishing things as best you can is important.

I was talking with Meagen the other day about this, about how we as human beings tend to think if something is not hard or time consuming that it must not be good--that a novel should take ten years and not, say two. See? I even wrote the word “one” there and had to erase it. A novel? In a year? How drab.

We as artists don’t believe in ourselves, and pretend that putting time into a project will make it that much more special--or even better, waiting forever to start it...Fuck the fuck outta that. Make it and be embarrassed and move on. Just make it as best you can.

I am afraid of many things, including the new chapters I just wrote, because they happened quickly. But that is how art appears! It boils up like feelings because that’s what art really is. The craft is in getting past yourself to sit down and start the thing past your own fears. The craft is in making it sound good. the craft is in finishing it. I hope my brother starts making things, and I hope I start making things quicker.

The last day he was in town, I put on the pants I bought when I was 22. They were my favorite pants to write in for years, lasting through a full marriage and into a new one. A pair of 2005 women’s jeans so old the crotch is ripped out (my dick hangs like a cotton bulge). I looked at myself in the mirror, decided against them, and picked out another pair of pants for the evening. It was President’s Day, and my band EFFORTS was about to play our first show.

I had spent three weeks wanting to vomit every time I thought about it. But the date on the flyer appeared and with it, our last practice before loading our gear. By the end of practice I was too hungry to be nervous, and Zach, Geoffrey and I arrived at the venue to drink.

Meagen appeared, worried about a friend of ours. We stood in a parking lot across the venue and I tried to console here, it had been a rough couple of days for the both of us.

Last week was Valentine’s. I spent the night before the holiday of hearts holding our dog, Ellie, as her heart began to fail. It had been three years since the doctor told us she would die any day, and now it seemed the curse had come to claim her. I whispered nice things into her ears as she melted across my chest, and then we both feel asleep. 

I dreamed she could talk, and she told me she was hurting. And then she transformed between a young girl and grown women, back and forth again as Meagen and I held her. At the end of the dream she told me to look up at the ceiling to see what death looked like for dogs; it was a dance of shadows and light that made no scientific sense, but I understood all the same. When I awoke Ellie was staring at me, alive and well, he heart has since settled to normal.

So Meagen and I were already wound up when some really bad shit went down for a friend. I tried to console Meagen across the street, minutes before the soundcheck. I was already hot in my leather jacket, but I kept it on because the homemade arm band was tied around my right limb. The arm bands were an idea I had floated by Zach months ago and, black for mourning, with our logo, the crucibolt emblazoned upon it. I had sat down sometime between my dog trying to die and the show to make the both wraps at home using ribbon, velcro patches and iron-on sheets cut carefully and branded by my wife’s straightening iron. (i. have. never. been. cool.)

Meagen asked if I was nervous, and I said yes. Then, we walked into the venue to smoke and drink some more, Geoffrey and I both having quit tobacco except for rare occasions and the first-show-ever exception.

I waited 32 years to perform music--it still feels like a daydream that was never actually supposed to happen, but at the same time, if I’m being honest, events were always leading to this. It feels like I pulled off a miracle that was always going to happen.

On stage we were surrounded by a dimly lit room, filled with lots of people we knew. I didn’t know what to do so Zach instructed me from his drum kit on what to say to the sound guy. Then we launched into our newest song, “6 pack, nice abs!(stinence)” and I immediately heard my own vocals for the first time ever. It was an awful shock. But that feeling was overwhelmed by the rush of sound screaming out from behind me as I stared down at what my fingers were doing and sang as well as I could.

It was Zach’s idea to start with “6 pack”. I had spent two years planning for this moment, certain (god-damn-it, certain!) that when I got to play this shit live, the band (whoever that would be, there was no band, barely any songs, a pipe dream), we would start the show with the opening track of the album “everyone will leave and you”, but two hours before the show Zach said we needed to open with  6 pack, it, and it was agreed. Plans are just plans, sometimes real shit needs to happen.

Here’s a video of it.

We got through the first pre-chorus, and then I was almost smiling as we launched into the second verse

Some may feel possessed

I myself obsess about it

By the end of the song I was already sweating from the stage lights and the leather jacket; and the way I was screamed, stooped with the guitar strap across my shoulder, I felt myself nearly black out several times, a moment that would continue throughout the show.

It occurred to me afterward the opening lyrics were written while driving down the very same street the bar was on, near-as-exact to a year ago as I drove to buy airplane bottle liquor while texting my Father in an AA meeting.

Dad’s on his way to a meeting

I’m on my way to the store

And there I was, holding the guitar I grew up pretending to play, the cherry-red-heavy my Father let me borrow as he left for California, a son who had never written a song, asking someone he didn’t know very well for a guitar they never used anymore. 

He used to write little songs

He don’t write nothin’ no more

Then, the song ended and I heard people yelling and applauding. without looking up, Zach clicked us into the next one and we slammed through another two minute punk song about feelings (the boys and I recently decided to call our genre mid-punk, as we are so damn old compared to ‘dem kids’). It was during this one my head started to get away from me, that I began to realize I was, somehow on a stage and not in my imagination, and I had to grip the guitar pick tighter and focus on what I was doing. That is how insane it felt. And then, at some point during the set, stage lights started to jump and bounce everywhere and the surreality lifted into some sort of mega-dise of everything I had ever wanted.

My favorite part of the entire show was turning to Zach & Geoff between songs and laughing before we launched into whatever was next. Here was the set list, lest we ever forget:

6 pack, nice abs!(stinence)

everyone will leave and you

may you absorb all evil

the bridge song

better off without you

I saw a pale horse

west coast

ash to dust

word waster

vera

Everything ended with me singing a song I had written about a time 5 years ago when Meagen and a friend--the very same one I was consoling her about--were playing Super Mario 2 (Japanese version).

I’ll never be as happy as I was

On those Winter nights

After the show ended, Ben walked up on stage to give me a hug and congratulate me. “I can’t believe you just watched me play a show!” I shouted. I hope he noticed how perfect it was not, as I sure did.

It is so important to just go for things, and fuck up, and not be perfect, and then try over, and over, and over again. When it comes to art, you can do anything you want (if you’re meant to do it). And why would you want to do it, why would you dream about it everyday, if that dream wasn’t meant for you?

Work hard. Fuck up. Fix it. Let go. And finish.

That’s my plan, over and over again, and somehow, it looks like it’s starting to work. If you’re waiting for a package, I hope you have it by the time you read this. And if you’re ever in Nashville, I hope you can see EFFORTS play a show.

-mE.