#it was about how he saw her and it created tension bc it unsettled her

[aerithisms]

i know i've been sort of an apologist for tlors but if i may be a petty hater for a second i am getting some vindication out of the fact that s14 has turned out to be the "shallow mystery without any character focus" plot that everyone always accused the moffat era seasons of being

[sweetpeaownsmyheart]

Just a Couple of Notes (Sweet Pea x Reader)

Hello friends! Sorry for the inactivity, I've had a lot going on and have been dealing with mental health but I haven’t forgotten you! I was so happy to come on today and find that someone has messaged me a request, my first one yay - so I should get that out soon! This is a lil idea I had late one night, I didn’t really know I was going with it but wanted to get something out and actually kinda like it!! (just a warning bc the plot is a bit naff lol) Love you all sm - stay safe and healthy xxx <3

Word Count - 2300

Warnings - umm not that I can think of! An odd plot maybe? Too fluffy? Very OOC Pea?

Summary - you write notes to SP when you start work at Pops, it’s not long before he responds. But then there’s a bump in the road!!

-----

You're move to Riverdale was a quick decision made by your parents in Autumn when a new job opportunity arose. Within a week you were packed up and moving to the town leaving behind your friends, other family members and the quiet life you had gotten used to.

Riverdale was an odd place to you. You were used to the comforts and quirks of your hometown and for that reason your attention felt drawn to the awkwardness and divide and, what seemed to be lurking beneath the surface in your new neighbourhood.

It was about a week after your move that you had noticed the 'help wanted' sign in the window of Pops and were pushed to apply by Jughead who you had met the first night you had come to town. Besides Jug, you kept yourself to yourself, limiting your interactions to with your family and customers. Of course, it wasn't for others lack of trying, often Betty or one of Jughead's other friends would talk to you.  However, you knew that when you were old enough, you would move back to your hometown so didn't want to create too many ties.

That all changed when Sweet Pea started frequenting the diner.

He had come in asking for Jughead before noticing him in the corner and hurrying over. The way he sat with his shoulders hunched over and stony expression was intriguing to you, but you were quick to learn that he was as much of a 'mystery' as you were.

He always wore black in some way, had dog-tags round his neck that you longed to wrap your hand around and a curl on his forehead that you wanted to push back into place. If it wasn't for the few times that you saw him with Fangs and Toni, you would have thought him incapable of feeling joy but the way his face broke into a smile and his laugh carried across the diner was enough to make anyone's heart beat faster.

You were smitten with a boy you didn't know, the boy who was pegged as 'trouble' by Jughead when you asked about him.

Soon your want to know him overtook your want to keep to your solitude and that was when the notes started - that way you could still keep him at a distance.

-----

It was around 8pm on a Sunday that the first instance happened as Sweet Pea came to pay for his groups dinner. You had heard him complaining earlier that evening about how his English teacher was going to fail him if he didn't pass his next test with flying colours and you had subsequently spent your break writing out quotes from the book Jug had mentioned they were studying and exam tips you had found on google.

You passed the napkin to him along with his receipt and quickly left to serve another group (and avoid any embarrassment) missing the look on confusion on his face.

As you finished serving the table you turned back around you met his gaze as he reached the door. He threw you a quick wink and walked out leaving you standing with your heart racing and head spinning.

-----

For you it became common place after that day. Whenever Pea visited the diner, he left with a little note on a napkin that you wrote on your break. The notes ranged from help with school when you had overheard he was struggling to random facts you found or occasionally a cheesy pick up line. If you plucked up the courage to look, you often saw him smiling down at the notes when he thought no one was looking which made it worth it. You didn't expect a response, but it was something fun to do, and although the thought crossed your mind that maybe he it was making him feel awkward, he hadn't told you to stop so you continued.

He didn't respond, until one day he did.

You had just closed up for the night and were cleaning the tables when you noticed a napkin on the table where he had been sitting. You had given him a list of songs to listen to that day, slipped it onto the table as they paid and you hadn't seen anything then so were wondering if Sweet Pea had thought it odd and left the note but as you approached you saw the writing was not as light as yours. It had more of a scrawl to it.

'Don't walk home over the bridge today - Sweet Pea

PS. I like (your favourite band) and I like getting these notes :)'

And that's how your interactions were from that point onwards, he gave you a warning or a place to stay away from and sometimes something personal about him and you gave him a fact or compliment or anything you could think of. It wasn't much but it suited you both and you had had a few conversations with Toni and Fangs about how much he liked you and now a bigger part of you wanted to stay.

That was until Josie came along.

You had met Josie before, a couple of times, but your conversations were always limited to taking her order and the general waitressing 'stuff'. She seemed nice enough, but you hadn't seen her with a serpent before and since you were home schooling you didn't even know she knew them (besides Jug).

She sat with Pea for hours. Just the two of them. They spoke in whispers and you often caught at least one of them sending you quick glances. You did not want to infringe on them so let one of the other waitresses serve them both ignoring her questions on why there was a sudden change.

You thought back to all the longing looks, all the flirting both in notes and over your waitressing and of the fact it all was or at least seemed reciprocated.

That was the first time since you had first served him that he left without a note.

-----

He didn't come in again for another week or so. Everything was getting on top of you and your plan to move back 'home' was once again in your mind despite weeks of not speaking to your 'friends' or thinking of your life before Riverdale.

You felt odd. You knew that you had no ties to this place besides Jug but one part of you thought your plans to move away were based on the actions of Sweet Pea rather than your lack of connections.

You knew that you had no real relationship with the boy, it was only notes passed back and forth. You couldn't claim to know him or be his friend as you hadn't exactly spoken much but one part of you felt drawn to him and hurt that he didn't feel that too - he would rather step out with Josie.

If looks could kill, in that moment, both Sweet Pea and Jughead would be dead from each other’s stares. Jug was your confidant on all Sweet Pea matters. He had listened to you gush about how adorable Sweets was and in the last week had listened to your complaints. He knew that the actions of Sweet Pea may drive you to leave and he desperately did not want you to leave.

So here in the diner at 11pm, glares were thrown towards Pea by Jug who was sat with you whilst you were on your break. And glares were thrown right back in his (or your?) direction by Sweet Pea who had settled in a booth by himself.

You were the only one working that night so knew that you would have to serve him eventually so as your break ended, and Jug left the diner you walked over to him.

'what can I get you?' you said breaking the unsettling silence.

'Just the usual please.'

'And what would that be?' You knew his order. Of course you did. But part of you felt spiteful and hurt and you wanted him to feel that too. But you regretted it immediately when he turned to you with a look of sadness on his face.

'Come on Y/N. You know my order. I've only not been in for a week.' Maybe he was trying to joke to get rid of the tension.

'Yeh maybe I do and maybe in the week you've been MIA, you've forgotten that we don't serve food after 11. So, I'll ask again, what can I get you?'

'Just a chocolate shake please.'

You walked off to make the drink but were pulled back by a strong hand and a falsely strong voice. 'When were you going to mention in one of you notes that you're dating Jughead Jones?'

You scoff. 'When were you going to mention you're dating Josie McCoy?' You pulled your arm out of his grip. And turned to look at him. He looked confused. 'Yanno Sweet Pea, you were here last week with her? Has your memory gone?'

'I'm not dating her.' He splutters out.

'You know what Sweet Pea; I don't care who you're dating or not dating. It was only a couple of notes between us. So, I'll just go make your shake and you can sit here if you want or leave if you would prefer. And when you come back next week I won't be here.' You leave to make his shake but when you come back, he is not there, but a napkin is in his place.

'Sorry - SP'

-----

A couple of days later you were packing all your bags in the back of a rented pickup truck, ready to take a long road trip back to your hometown with Jughead. When he arrived, you said goodbye to your family and jumped in the passenger’s seat, Jug had agreed to take the first shift.

You made light conversation and sung along to the radio for about 20 minutes before you noticed that Jug was taking a wrong turning.

'You're going the wrong way.'

'Y/N, please don't hate me. He made me do this.'

'Okay Jug, what's going on, you're scaring me.'

'You know you said that Josie and Sweet Pea had been in Pops? Well, it's not what it seems. Just listen to him yeh?'

'Jughead Jones where am I?' He guided you out of the truck and led you down a path into what appeared to be a small forest. 'you better not be murdering me Jones.' You joked. 'I was going to road trip with you and all.' He rolled his eyes and remained silent.

He had led you to a clearing, told you to wait there and then ran off.

'Jones.' you shouted. 'Jones, come back here. Stop messing this isn't funny.'

'Did you know that the inventor of the frisbee was cremated and turned into a frisbee when he died.'

You jumped and turned around, shocked at the new voice in the quiet forest. 'Sweet Pea? What are you doing here?'

'Did you know that 12 bodies were found in Benjamin Franklin’s basement? You wrote that when i was studying for History.' You looked down and saw in his hands a pile of papers. Napkins.

'Here's one of my favourites - Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Enough to break the ice. I'm Y/N. That was one of the first notes you gave me, remember?' You nod. 'Well thing is, it was never 'only a couple of notes' to me. I really like you, or I think I like you from what you've said about yourself in the notes. Just tell me now, did I read it wrong? I know you're leaving, I just wanted you to know.' His voice remained strong throughout, but his eyes did not hold the same confidence.

'What about Josie?'

'What about Jughead?' he retorts but quickly breaks into a smile and shows he was joking. 'Me and Josie aren't a thing. We used to be. I really liked her, but she didn't like me and then last week she came and told me that she suddenly did. But I told her I have a thing for this amazing girl who knows too many pickup lines and facts about dinosaurs.'

'really?'

He cleared his throat and looked down at a piece of paper he pulled out of his pocket. 'do you have a band aid?' you look at him confused. 'because i scraped my knee falling for you.'

You break out in a smile and walk closer to him, reaching out to his hands and then running yours up his arms and resting them on his shoulders 'Maybe let's leave the pickup lines to me. What google search found you that one?'

He pulled you closer and wrapped his other hand around your waist. 'I searched -how to get the pretty, witty, lovely waitress to fall for me-.' You giggled and brought your hand to rest on his cheek. You saw pure adoration in his eyes and hoped he saw the same in yours. You lent in and gently placed your lips on his in a quick and innocent kiss. When you pulled back and opened your eyes, he was smiling the brightest smile.

A question came into your mind as you noticed all the napkins strewn across the floor, you looked up with him through your lashes with your head tilted and asked. 'Did you really keep all my notes?'

'Like I said Princess, they are more than just notes to me.'

You felt complete and knew that in a couple of hours you would be unloading all your stuff again back in Riverdale because there really was something to stay for.

[shinjaeha]

itsay ep 3 (thoughts + spoilers)

itsay ep 3 fucking obliterated me so here i am with some more thoughts on this episode (drama) in general. this is just me being an incoherent mess bc my mind is basically just one long !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after having watched this (once raw and again subbed). this isn’t an analysis, it’s literally me just gushing over the ep as i watch it bc boy oh BOY.

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT EVERYTHING HITTING DIFFERENT AFTER THE BOAT SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i thought the tension in the boat knocked the breath out of me, this whole ep was that x10000.

they really started us off with a bang having continued straight off from last ep with teh smelling oh-aew’s hair, huh?? teh rubbing his face with the coconut paralleled with oh-aew smelling his coconut scented shampoo?? excuse me as i cry into my hands.

teh wasn’t willing to wake up early for tarn when she wanted to draw early in the morning, but when he sees that oh-aew wants to wake up early to study, HE’S the one that makes sure that oh-aew wakes up (and he stays up to keep oh-aew company, even if it’s just over the phone). then again when they’re at the resort...love that tarn realises that too. boy ain’t subtle. also, how is it even possible that they can have that much tension just speaking over the phone?? they’re not even in the same room and the tension between the two of them is so thick i can barely breathe.

the “let me know when you’re home”!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOYFRIEND BEHAVIOUR. as soon as oh-aew asked teh why he always asked tarn that, i KNEW they were gonna put that in there for him and oh-aew and i’m glad i wasn’t disappointed :))) the look on oh-aew’s face when he saw the text!!!!!!!!!!! the way he stopped in his tracks!!!!!!!!!

i already had a feeling that oh-aew was going to be the first one to properly realise and accept his feelings for teh based on the teasers (makes sense since he already knows he likes boys...he’s more sure of his sexuality, which would of course make it easier for him to accept based on that). seeing the way he used the ‘if you get close to him and he doesn’t move away it means he likes you’ theory that teh initially told him to try on bas with teh too was really cute. and the jealousy over tarn. i LOVED that we got to see a more petty side to him when he announced he was going to room with bas partly bc of how lowkey jealous/mad he was about teh and tarn talking over the phone. it left teh so unsettled and confused (the piano music was PERFECT in that scene), and is 510% something teh would have done too (based on the previous two eps). they really are a perfect match huh. but poor bas being caught in the middle of the two of them ;;;

i liked that a lot of this ep was from oh-aew’s perspective. i feel like we got mostly teh’s pov in the first two eps, so it was really nice to see things from oh-aew’s pov too. gave us all more insight into his personality and he’s honestly SO MUCH more flirty than i thought he was going to be omg. the potato chip scene where he just crawled over to teh and ate that potato chip all the while staring straight at teh, then lying on his lap?????????? teh was (understandably) flustered after that AND SO WAS I. i was not expecting that whatsoever. i was also really impressed with how honest oh-aew was about his feelings. i love that he’s stayed true to their previous heart to heart in the boat scene last ep where he basically told teh that he wanted transparency between the two of them. he’s sticking to that, and i admire him so much for being able to be that vulnerable and true to himself. i thought there might have been more confusion with bas, but it looks like as soon as he realised his feelings might have faded/that he was feeling things for teh now, he just went with it. i know in my last text post i said that oh-aew is usually the more cautious/pragmatic of the two, but i feel like when it comes to his feelings, he seems to be really in tune with who and what he wants (more so than teh). this of course makes sense bc he’s likely had more time to come to terms with his sexuality...which is what teh’s figuring out for himself now. on top of that, oh-aew’s feelings for teh are a lot stronger than the ones he has for bas. and since he’s also more certain that teh likes him back, he’s so much bolder in how he approaches teh. and teh, to his credit, returns that honesty too when oh-aew basically pushes him into acknowledging that there’s ~something between them (hammock scene). i was kind of expecting him to push away from that/deny it, but he didn’t. he’s obviously just a lot more confused with his feelings and still needs some time to understand them and process them fully. on a related note, hammock scene was so loaded and SO well acted by the both of them. the fact that they can move from playful in one scene too achingly intense in another always throws me for a loop.

another thing i really love about the two of them is how they push one another to be better. it’s that rivalry that makes their bond even stronger, but it’s also something that worries me for future eps ngl...

but i honestly feel SO BAD for bas...clearly, he likes oh-aew, and although oh-aew was initially confused with the two of them, he’s definitely more convinced when it comes to his feelings for teh. but when bas essentially asked oh-aew out, and oh-aew said let’s invite the rest of they guys?? he looked so sad and my heart kind of broke a little. it’s like watching the poor second lead in a kdrama. and tarn too :( i really hope that when teh accepts his feelings for oh-aew, he doesn’t keep her hanging on the way that most BLs tend to do. she deserves so much better than that. my heart really hurts for the both of them, but at the same time teh and oh-aew are just magnets being pulled together at this point. they can’t stay away from each other.

the scene where teh rubs the smell of oh-aew’s coconut scented pen (from what he’s written) all over his face bc he’s at his limit and can’t stand all those pent up feelings anymore, only to race out to their special meeting place on the beach????? the moment he sees that oh-aew’s there too and he chases after him entranced (and the smile on oh-aew’s face)????? the way the instrumental ost just swells the moment they see each other????? the way they tease and dance around another yet again?????  PURE ART. A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE. THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DRAMA I HAVE EVER SEEN. this whole sequence has to be my fave scene in this ep. god, that part where the camera closes in on them and they’re face to face before oh-aew steps away again had my heart trying to flutter its way out of my CHEST. THEY HAVEN’T EVEN KISSED IN THE SERIES YET AND THEY CAN REDUCE ME TO THIS. honestly, their power is something else. the fact that they can stir so many emotions in all of us just by the way they glance at one another, by the way they dart around one another barely touching...there are dramas/movies with multiple kiss/love scenes that can’t even create that tension and longing. it’s the kind of chemistry that burns you inside out. it’s so palpable.

the thigh massage scene had me CAPTIVATED (like all their scenes tbh) and then teh’s mum came to wake me (and the both of them) up haha. but for real, there’s just something so tentative about what’s happening. these feelings are new to them, and they’re easing their way into it. always toeing the line, but not overstepping it yet. it’s primal. they keep letting those feelings build up more and more and more. and you can always feel the way it’s leading to something else. and of course it leads into the next scene where teh’s tutoring oh-aew again but the atmosphere is so incredibly heavy, so tight, that they can’t contain it anymore (i mean, the fact that they contained it for so long when they’re teenage boys with feelings for one another is already astounding enough to me). teh tries so hard, but then the back scratch happens and...THIS ICONIC SCENE...i thought they were going to kiss then (before oh-aew turned around), but then we got something else entirely and the intimacy of it all. just wow. literally not a single kiss and it was one of the most sensual scenes i have ever seen in a BL. it’s just the way they get so caught up in one another. THE YEARNING OF IT ALL. this whole ep was just pure anticipation, and i have never ever wanted two characters to kiss more than i do these two. it’s the build up that gets me (idk if this can be considered slow build since there’s only been like three eps but it sure as hell feels like it!!!!!!!!!). then teh pulls away and it’s like a smack in the gut...but at the same time, i get it. he’s not ready yet. there’s so much for him to take in and he’s not there yet (not the way oh-aew is), and just like oh-aew, it keeps us all hanging on, so close but not quite there yet.

so much of this felt like this cat and mouse game between the both of them where one of them would advance, then retract...it makes the tension between the two of them even MORE overwhelming bc you keep anticipating something, and you get fleeting moments of it, but then it’s over by the time you blink. they keep toying with one another, but not crossing the line YET bc they know that that’ll change everything the moment they do. it’s such a testament to the writing AND the acting bc it’s the chemistry that bkpp have with one another that creates all of that push and pull dynamic, that yearning and desire. having to wait a whole week again is just devastating...i think next ep seems like it might be the climax?? i’m pretty sure it’ll be the ep where teh accepts his feelings (or at least won’t be able to hold himself back physically anymore), where all the build up finally properly erupts, but at the same time, i just know that the angst is going to start piling up and idk how to feel other than terrified bc i’m way too invested now tbh.

anyway, this drama is absolutely magnificent, and all i want to do is rave about how damn good it is. so high quality. it feels so fresh, like they’re reinvented the tried and true coming of age tale in a way, and we’re all just along for the ride. it transcends the typical thai BL story (and i now understand why they were hesitant to label this as BL when it really feels like it encompasses so much more than the usual BL tropes and story). one of my fave dramas of the year by far (BL or otherwise). it’s just a class apart from any drama i’ve watched before and ticks every single box for me. stunning in every way. down to every detail and every feeling and emotion. it’s so raw and real and i can’t praise what nadao and the team have done with this enough (and we still have 2 more eps to go!!). there’s just so much meaning in every little thing, and in all those little things you can see the time and care it’s taken them to make this.

[thanks--for--listening]

all these people think love’s for show (but I would die for you in secret)

yes im finally back with fic! this time its korrasami tho bc my avatar obsession has not let me go yet. and yes its based on peace by taylor swift lol (also on ao3)

--

I’d give you my sunshine, give you my best, but the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me

Korra always came back to the sky. When the noise became too much, when the voices and the faces wouldn’t relent. Staring at the stars made her feel small, reminded her that the world was bigger than the images in her head. It was always changing, the constellations and the colors from the portals shifting as time passed, but in the end that change brought something new. Something good. Something beautiful. 

“Can’t sleep?” She turned, saw Asami standing in the doorway, arms wrapped around her stomach. It made her wonder if it was cold out here, if she would even notice anymore. After everything her body had been through, she couldn’t gauge her standards, couldn’t figure out whether she felt something normally or too much or not at all. Did she not feel the chill in the air because she grew up in the South, or because she’d felt the life drain out of her, felt a cold so deep the definition had changed completely? Could she ever care for someone like Asami, someone so perfect and beautiful and normal, when she was so permanently damaged she couldn’t even begin to see the extent of her own scars?

Korra tried to snap out of it, searched for something she could offer her and came up empty. She fought back the urge to light a fire on the balcony floor just to keep her warm as she nodded. Asami sighed, walked up to her until they were standing side by side, arms leaning on the railing in front of them. “Yeah, me neither.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Korra asked. 

Asami turned, raised an eyebrow at her. “Do you?” She shook her head, and when Asami laughed, she swore she felt a spark inside her, the embers of a flame that had burned quietly for so long finally finding the space to grow. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Silence floated in, gentle and easy, leading their attention back to the sky. The whole city seemed to be asleep, everyone exhausted from the past few days. She thought she’d appreciate the moment of relief, but there was something unsettling about staring into the streets and seeing nothing but vines and rubble. She’d spent her entire life used to the empty, to open space with nothing but sky and silence to fill it, but here it looked all wrong. It looked like another thing she’d ruined. Republic City would never go back to what it once was, to what it was supposed to be, to what Aang had dreamed it could be, and it was entirely her fault.

“Hey,” Asami‘s voice nearly startled her. “You okay?” She didn’t understand why she was asking until she followed her gaze, looked down and saw the metal railing bent and broken underneath her hands.

Korra sighed. “I thought when the battle was over, this stuff would get easier. I’m beginning to think it’ll always be this hard.”

“I’m sorry,” Asami said. “I feel like I kept pestering you after Zaheer. Kept trying to get you to talk to me, to let me help you, but now...I can understand why you wouldn’t want to. Why you couldn’t.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. You did everything right. I’m the one who messed that all up.”

“Don’t be silly, of course you didn’t.”

“Yeah, I did. I messed everything up with Zaheer, with Kuvira. With Mako and Tenzin.” She hesitated, before adding, “With you.”

“You haven’t messed anything up with me.”

“But I will.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, this,” Korra gestured toward the yellow beam shooting up into the sky, “isn’t going away. It isn’t going to stop. And as long as you’re with me, you’ll always have to deal with it. And someone as good and kind and wonderful as you shouldn’t have to suffer because you love someone like me.”

“Who said I’m suffering?” Korra glared at her, but Asami didn’t relent, didn’t soften her gaze. “I’m serious. Being with you has only made my life better.”

“Since you met me, you’ve been arrested, captured, stranded in the desert, and forced to fight some of the strongest benders in the world. Oh, and you almost had to sell your company. Let’s not forget that.”

“I also met some amazing people, learned how to take care of myself and my business, and made sure the Sato legacy wouldn’t be associated with hate and fear. You showed me that I could be more than I’d ever thought possible. If I’d never met you, I don’t know who’d I’d be now, but it wouldn’t be me. Not really.”

She didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to let out the words that had been eating away at her since the battle, but she couldn’t keep them in anymore, couldn’t let Asami look at her and not know the truth. “You lost your dad,” Korra said quietly, “because of a monster I created.”

“No. I didn’t. I—“ she bit her lip, and Korra watched as she swallowed, blinked back the tears that she knew would force themselves out sooner or later. “I lost him because he made a choice. To sacrifice himself for the greater good. To fight Kuvira, who you did not create. You stopped her, in a way only you could.”

“I should have stopped her sooner. If I had been stronger, if I had taken her down the first time, if I hadn’t been so weak, maybe—maybe I—“

Korra felt her words disappear, felt tears of her own threaten to make an appearance, but the feeling of Asami’s hands over her own buried whatever emotion had tried to fight it’s way to the surface. She squeezed hard, like she was holding her together, and Korra wondered if maybe she was, if one person could be that strong. If two hands were all it took to keep someone intact. “You are not weak, Korra.” Asami spoke as if she was giving a command, and she felt compelled to listen. “You are the strongest, bravest, most selfless person I know. But even you can’t stop bad things from happening. None of us can.”

“But I’m the Avatar. I’m supposed to help people. Save people.”

“And you have. How many people did you save by creating that spirit portal? By defeating Unalaq? By stopping Zaheer?”

“Yeah, but— I just—“ she searched for the words, found them buried underneath the rubble of every version of herself that came before tonight. “I just wish it didn’t hurt all the time. And I know what Tenzin said, but I wish being me, being with me, didn’t mean a lifetime of desperately trying to prevent bad people from doing bad things. It’s like I’m always fighting, like I’m always gonna be fighting. And I’m so tired, Asami. Sometimes I wish it would all just stop. Not for a day, or a week, but forever.”

They didn’t say anything, not at first. Korra looked down, stared at their hands, still pressed together. She waited for the words she knew would come, waited for Asami to recoil, to tell her it was too much, that she was too much. That she wasn’t worth it. That the brief periods of peace would never be enough to outweigh the pain and suffering that would always follow. And when she did, when she reached her breaking point and walked away, Korra knew she’d let her go. She’d gotten more time than she’d ever expected already — she wouldn’t allow herself to be greedy and ask for more, no matter how badly she wanted to keep those hands wrapped around hers. 

“It isn’t fair,” Asami finally said, “that you have to go through this. You didn’t decide to be the Avatar. You didn’t pick this life. But I did. I choose you, Korra. Today, tomorrow, and every day after that. I’m in this no matter what.”

Korra looked up, tried and failed to hide the surprise in her eyes. “Even if it hurts?”

“Even if it hurts. I want it all: the good, the bad, and everything in between.”

Korra hesitated, just for a minute. In her wildest dreams she couldn’t have written this, couldn’t have imagined a world where after everything that happened, Asami wants to stay. Wants her. And maybe it was selfish, and maybe she was damning her to a life that no one should ever have to live, but she couldn’t lie and pretend that she didn’t want her more than anything, couldn’t walk away when she was standing in front of her, couldn’t stop from confessing every secret she’d tried to bury in the name of survival. 

“If you’ll let me, I choose you, too. I don’t want to spend my restless nights with anyone else. And I know I can’t give you the life you deserve, but if it’s enough, whatever I have is yours. Always.”

Asami stepped closer, threw her arms around her. Korra fell into them, let herself get lost in the feeling of Asami’s embrace. She felt safe, in a way she didn’t anywhere else. The world couldn’t touch her here. 

She didn’t know how long they stood wrapped in each other’s arms. Korra didn’t care— she’d spend a lifetime in this moment if she could. She probably would have tried, if she didn’t hear Asami yawning into her shoulder, didn’t feel exhaustion weighing heavily on her own eyes.

She forced herself to step back, to lean out of her arms just enough to look her in the eyes. “So much for not talking about it, huh?” Korra said, and she knew photos could never do it justice but she wished she had a way to capture the look on Asami’s face when she smiled, when she laughed quietly, just for her to hear.

Asami pulled her closer. “Don’t let go yet,” she sighed into her chest, “You’re warm.”

“We should probably head back inside, anyway — see if we can salvage any more sleep tonight.” 

Korra wouldn’t have caught it if Asami hadn’t been wrapped up in her arms; instead, she felt the tension shoot through her body like an echo, until her shoulders went stiff and her hands squeezed a little tighter. 

“Asami,” she said slowly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she answered too quickly. “I just like being out here. I don’t think I’m ready to head inside yet.”

“Asami. Talk to me. Why don’t you want to go back to bed?” She looked at her, really looked at her, and this time she saw the bags under her eyes and the desperation in them, and quietly added, “Did you sleep at all tonight?”

Korra watched her hesitate, and patience had never been her strongest virtue but she willed herself to wait. Her efforts were rewarded; Asami shook her head, stared at the ground and whispered, “I don’t want to see it again.”

“See what ag—oh.” Realization swept over her, and she cursed herself for not putting it together sooner, for not thinking about what could have possibly led her to also be awake in the dead of night. “Oh, Asami. I’m so sorry.”

Asami looked up, and the tears that had threatened earlier fell all too quickly now. Something inside Korra broke at the sight. She pulled her closer on instinct, held her and pretended it would be enough. She wondered if this would be their future, holding each other together to keep them both from falling to pieces, wondered how many nights they’d spend exactly like this, running from nightmares that didn’t disappear when they opened their eyes. 

Korra waited until she heard the cries settle, until Asami stopped shaking in her arms, to ask, “Can you tell me about it?” 

Asami shook her head. “You’ll blame yourself,” she said, her words decisive, quiet but powerful. “I won’t let you hurt like that.”

“I won’t let you hurt like this, either.”

“You can’t fix everything, Korra.”

“I can try.”

Asami stepped back, looked up at her, and Korra swore she smiled, just a little, just for a second. “It—“ Asami started, searching for words before she continued. “It makes me feel so helpless. The watching, the waiting. Every time I see it I know he’s...that he’s gone, but then you disappear into that machine. And no matter how many times I try and tell myself that it isn’t real anymore, that it’s over, part of me never knows if you’re going to make it out. Not until I wake up and see you for myself.”

There was a war inside her. Korra the Avatar wanted to ball up her fists, wanted to feel her fire burn, wanted to fight the pain away so that Asami would never hurt again. Korra the girl wanted to pull her closer and never let go, wanted to make promises she couldn’t keep just to make her feel better, even if it wouldn’t last. As battle waged within herself, whichever Korra was left behind wanted to ball up and cry. She knew she’d been right, knew that no matter what Asami said, she couldn’t possibly want to hold onto this much pain. She knew that it didn’t matter which Korra won the fight in the end — not a single version of her was worth it. 

“I’m sorry,” Korra finally said. She had a million other apologies sitting at the tip of her tongue but she forced them back. 

Asami read her mind anyway. “Not your fault,” she said. “I’ll remind you every time if you need me to.”

“Still. I’m sorry you’re hurting.”

Asami sighed, as if the very admission of her pain was something to be frustrated about. “I don’t understand why it hurts this much, though. A month ago we weren’t even on speaking terms. I spent years hating him for what he did. And I was right. He did so many awful things to so many people, and a few games of Pai Sho can’t make up for that. So why can’t I stop seeing him?”

“He was still your father, Asami. All those years he spent raising you don’t just go away. You have a right to be sad about what you lost.” 

“That’s the thing, Korra,” she said quietly, like she didn’t trust the words coming out of her mouth. “Sometimes, I’m not sure I’m sad. I’m mad. I’m mad that he went against everything he ever taught me. I’m mad that he fought for someone who hated what you are. I’m mad that he left me alone, that he didn’t even give me the choice.”

Korra reached for her again, searched for any words that could have possibly helped but came up empty, left only with a mantra of apologies that would never fill the hole left behind. She knew that feeling, understood with brutal clarity what it felt like to lose her agency, to be left at the will of those around her when she was the one who would suffer the consequences. It was a feeling she wouldn’t wish on anyone. And as she stood there, Asami’s head on her chest, she knew that she could never be the one to make her feel that way. Stay, leave, fight, run — no matter what she wanted, it could never be up to her. 

“I’m sorry.” Asami’s voice broke through her own internal ramblings.

Korra failed to hide her incredulity. “What could you possibly have to be sorry for?”

“I came out here to try and help you, and then I turned and made it all about myself.”

“Oh, stop it.”

“I’m serious, Korra.”

“So am I. You think I have the monopoly on pain? That I’m the only person who can ever be comforted?” She stepped back, placed her hands on the side of her face and made sure she was staring right into her eyes as she said, “I love you Asami, and that means that I’ll always be here to listen, or hold you, or do whatever it is you need. Anytime, anywhere.”

Asami smiles back at her. “I love you, too.”

“And,” Korra added, “as much as I wish I could keep you away from all the shit that comes with being me, I promise I’ll never take the choice away from you. If you want in, you’re in. If you want me, I’m yours.”

Asami leaned forward, kissed her cheek, and Korra thought she might burst into flames right there on the balcony. “Thank you,” she whispered.

They stood there for a minute, and she knew they should head back inside but she wanted one more moment of whatever this was. Peace, maybe, or something like it. Something close enough.

“We really should go back inside,” she finally conceded, “but I think I have an idea.” She stepped forward, held her hand out behind her. “Trust me?”

Asami reached for it without hesitation. “Always.”

Korra smiled, led her back into her temporary bedroom, held onto her until they were laying side by side, with just an inch of space between them. 

“You said when you wake up, you never know if I made it out. If I’m okay. This way you’ll know.”

“I bet you use that line on all the girls,” Asami said, and she could hear the smile in her voice, but she couldn’t help herself from responding seriously. 

“There’s no one else. Never has been. Just you.” 

Asami erased the space between them, moved so her head rested on Korra’s shoulder, and she wondered how it had taken her so long to realize how well they fit together, how she could have possibly lived so long in a world without this. 

“Does it ever go away?” Asami asked after a minute, her voice drifting away from their lighthearted jokes, soft and sad and lacking the hope Korra wished she could give her.

She thought of her own ghosts, of the scenes that played in her head like clockwork, of the way she could still find herself choking on air as she opened her eyes. She thought about the more recent additions, the way Kuvira had swapped places with Zaheer the past few nights, haunting her as relentlessly as her predecessor. “I don’t know. But it does get easier, after a while.”

“I wish I could have been there to help you. I wish I didn’t stay when you left. I wish—“

“You’re here now. That’s all that matters to me.”

They laid there for a few minutes, and here, when it was just them, Korra felt the silence return. It didn’t carry the weight of the world, didn't bring anything with it. It simply filled the space around them, provided a comfort she wasn’t used to. 

“Korra,” Asami whispered. “Is it okay if I’m still scared?”

“Yeah. Is it okay if I am, too?” She felt Asami nod. “Then we’ll take on the night together. Fear and all.”

“Even if it hurts?”

She couldn’t stop herself from smiling, even as she felt her eyes close, her arms pulling Asami closer still. “Even if it hurts.”