#it was a shitty month and finish this was HARD AF

[spongynova]

Words: 13,479 Rating: E Fandoms: Star Trek TOS Star Trek Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock

Summary (kinda):

This is the giant mushrooms and dinosaurs shenanigans fic.

Jim and Spock try to flirt with Bones like bulldozers, and I mean it's Bones: he is pining, grumpy, but in the end he wants to talk about feelings.

It seems that I am unable to write about science seriously, but I mean it's star trek. Also none of the tech is working correctly, but I mean it's star trek. I HC Bones as transmasc but it's very subtle because medical technology ought to be better than ours, I mean it's Star Trek after all.

@mcspirkevents

McSpirk bingo : cuddling / oblivious Chekov / ashes / free space = cock blocked by dinosaur

[csmingy]

https://www.tumblr.com/csmingy/758594898166448128/what-about-chowlings-then-they-ask-for-over?source=share

Frfr. At least Symps has more then chows ever dreamed of. Saunt makes THOUSANDS of The Community. Yet the game hasnt even seemed to make much progress? Not to mention the fact that you need to offer 5 pop designers, 5 already existing chows, 5 HIGH QUALITY designs, and morw just for ONE chowling. Be it myo or premade.

Its shitty af how hard it is to get into this species. If something is THAT personal that you openly state "I dont want them to get to big" then why tf did you release ANY part of them yet???? They consistently shut down anything that'll open up the species even just by a tad.

Someone mentioned a currency conversion, but was shot down. Idk why??? That just seems stupid as nearly everyone there are sitting on 10000000+ copper, and barely ANY other currency. Foraging is now festival tickets... But like... The drop rates are TRASH. Tops i have ever seen is 5 tickets... -.-'

All the items in shop cost 100+ tickets if i remember from last time looking.

Myo/premade sales are....scarce to nonexistent.

There are several things that were started and not finished. Theres 3 discords!!!! THREE. species main, game hub, and for something else.

They're redoing the traits it seems too, but like.. People gunna lose out when it comes to their compensation. Which nothing on that has been revealed.

Theyve gone on breaks several times. Usually a month after the last break they had too. So its... Break for 2+ months, back for MAYBE one month, then another 2+ months of break.

Nothing to show for it either.

Dont get me wrong, i know some breaks were for personal reasons.

And its not even the mods fault. You can see how some of them get frustrated about these things themselves. They have an entire server to deal with while saunt does...nothing it seems.

They need more mods, saunt really should care more too for their community as well. Sure its a passion project. But you opened it up for others. Now you should listen to what your community wants too. Implementing some of the things they ask for would be a start. Instead of legit shutting it down because "its mine"

Thing is... Even as a game.. You HAVE to listen somewhat to what your community is saying. Otherwise it will FLOP AND DIE.

With how much they make of Chows... Youd think theyd be further Along too. The most recent openings the ab was like near 1000??? If chit chat inside server is anything to go by anyway.

The most lore ive seen is only for lineages, general lore is almost non-existent for chowlings. The items have been revamped and remade over 5+ times because Saunt cant make up her mind. She loves money and if you have it shell give you a hybrid for 1-3k+. She has an auction for all lineage hybrids right now and almost all of them have bids over 2k (there are around 8-9 hybrid combos so it has to be over 10k euro) It's actually insane. I know those customs will never be done. Oko has also been super strict lately and crazy about shooting down every suggestion that comes up and any submissions on the site if it isn't perfect. Myos and resales are also very expensive being 100 euro lowest and 1k highest. Im sorry, I just have a lot to complain about this to add-on. 🍈

[phoebsfan]

Feeling low. We're approaching birthday month again which means it's existential crisis time. Yesterday I realized that my current obsession might be linked to a past relationship. Like it might be an obsession because it reminds me of our relationship. Which feels pretty shitty to be honest. It took a fanvid to spell it out for me. A fanvid I almost didn't watch because the song choice is triggering for me. But because I'm self destructive I did it anyway. Don't write with people, it's confusing af when you're attracted to them. It sucks more when it doesn't work out. The more I looked at the qualities these characters have the more I saw us. I've been writing more than I have in years at a crazy pace. I've never written like this. Now I'm torn because it feels an awful lot like I'm trying to fix my past or rewrite our ending, which just... no. I know why we didn't work and I know why I walked away. The temptation is always there to find them again, it wouldn't be hard, they reached out a few years ago. I never deleted the message, and it wouldn't help if I had. I know where they are now. I won't, but it's so hard not to sometimes. I wish they hadn't messaged because it's been haunting me ever since. The thing is I know they never cared the same way I did. I knew it back then too. But I was young and dumb and so in love. I know they sent that message and moved on with their day. They probably don't even think about it. So now I feel a little sad when I sit down to write these characters. A lot nostalgic. I'm trying to keep them separate and not throw us in, but it's hard to write them happy now. It feels so bittersweet. I wish I hadn't put it together. I wish my brain would have just finished writing it out before I figured it out. But here we are.

[storiesofsvu]

Reading is definitely one of easiest and hardest things to do. Easy to get into it but difficult to keep the momentum going on especially when the authors had yet to release the next volume or when they were on hiatus. I lost track of how many times I forgot the plot due to the long waiting time or reading different series, and ended up having to read it again.

Forever summer in the one of the countries of SE Asia~ the location of where I'm from will be too obvious if I were to say out other hints 🤣 though November tend to be the rainy season here.

As much as I love horror, violence and gore (hey, don't judge haha, I've been playing horror/killing games since I was a mid single digit age. RE3 = ❤️), one of my favorite thing to read or write is definitely the more causal time, a day off from cop/agent life, like hanging out in a cafe enjoying a cup of beverage before a phone call asking you to get on with a case etc, or a date night with the other half, a more simple and violence free moment.

I always bring my notebook out whenever possible so I can write down random ideas that popped out or do some writing when I'm bored from waiting on friends that had yet to reach.

....

I should probably get back to updating my stories as well since the aching are gone. My arm and shoulder.. and my formely injured knee has been killing me since returning to badminton after being sideline for a bit. Is this what it feels to be a 90s kid? Bones creaking already.

Saw it somewhere that you have hurt your ankle? Gosh, get better soon! Ain't fun at all when somewhere of your leg is injured. When I injured my knee years ago, I couldn't even bend it for a long while so thank the maker for the invention of lifts since my class is always on the upper floors.

I have been following your page for a while now but never really tbought about chatting through this so please don't mind me being an anon~

Oh and 🐯 would be nice 😆

oh my gosh, so freaking true!! when i was a kid i was *determined* to finish the Little House on the Praries series, but every time i lost momentum and stopped and couldn't finish one of the lengthier ones i'd tell myself i had to start from the beginning all over again lol.

hahah fair!!

honestly, those are the points that we don't get to see on the shows! i think that's why those moments and relationships are so important to fic readers/writers. we want to see/experience the little quiet moments and memories.

my notes doc on my phone was so full of notes for fics, or screen shots of conversations chatting with besties about stories. sometimes voice memos LOL. i've drifted off from it SO much now and i hate that about myself, but i do know that this is always the tougher time of year for me to be creative and shit. there's never enough recovery time between shifts, there's extra shifts and shit to deal with, the sun goes down at 4:30pm daily, it's cold af. lol. nothing positive going on but the romanticizing of the holidays (which is why i like to host bingos this time of year and read y'alls creations lol)

oof! oh no! and LOL, yes, yes it is. i've got a shitty shoulder. what did i do? sleep on it wrong LOL. it sucks. returning to stuff is definitely hard too, esp if your body isn't quite ready. (and it will let you know lol)

ugh. yeah. it's been a month now and its definitely not healed. i just happened to hit a crack in the sidewalk downtown (was totally sober and wearing runners) but went down hard. i didn't have any kind of brace or anything to compress it with so the swelling got out of hand until i got a friend to take me to urgent care. it's much better now, and i'm generally not limping anymore, but it still aches after a shift lol. hopefully it's not going to be a permanent thing.

oh of course not! chatting like this is totally acceptable and a way to get to know people too! <3

hope you have wonderful week! sorry it took so long to get back to you, it's been one hit after another since the ankle injury lol.

[mister-tom-a-dildo-lover]

I only saw this today, so sorry for the wait.

how many works do you have on ao3? 312 under Watermelonsmellinfellon.

what's your total ao3 word count? 4,725,318 Words.

what fandoms do you write for? Hannibal, HP, Sherlock, YOI, MDZS, SVSSS, Naruto, InuYasha, Twilight, Marvel, etc...

top five fics by kudos: Strive - Tomarry, Harry Potter: Master of Malicious Compliance - Gen, Moments In Time - Tomarry, Matchmaker, Matchmaker - Tomarry, and You Get What You Give - fem!Harry Tomarry.

do you respond to comments? Not unless the person makes an assumption that NEEDS to be nipped in the bud. Too many times, do people assume things and then attack ME because their idea didn't come to fruition. Other times it's to answer questions, but I don't have it in me to respond to every single person.

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? It's a Hannigram oneshot about Will Graham actually killing Freddie Lounds but Mizumono still happening the same way and him thinking Hannibal betrayed him and Hannibal has to learn the harsh truth he can never make up for and will always regret.

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? A YOI fic where Yuuri is Deaf.

do you get hate on fics? All the time. I get accused of 'making things too woke' of being an 'n-word' of 'wishing I was white' or 'having shitty writing' of 'being fucking useless' of being a 'misogynist' cuz I dare to have women who do and say bad things to people, of 'homophobia' because I wrote an internet troll calling someone a faggot and then getting dragged for filth by other people. I get at least 1 hate comment a day.

do you write smut? Sometimes. It's difficult because I'm not into that at all. I have no experience or interest, so getting in the mood to write smut is hard af. I know the words and phrases people like, but despite being told I write some steamy shit, I feel nothing at all and don't see the appeal to the words I write.

craziest crossover? Probably my HP x Vampire Knight fic. OR my Hannibal x Twilight fic. OR my HP x The Boy fic. OR my Hannibal x I Am Legend fic. I get weird ideas ngl.

have you ever had a fic stolen? All the fucking time. Every 3 months, I have a tradition where I check back on Wattpad and sweep up and down to find all the new people stealing my Harrymort/Tomarry fics ad literally claiming them as their own! And it's like clockwork. It's a lot of effort having to report them over and over for the same thing.

have you ever had a fic translated? No.

have you ever co-written a fic before? Somewhat in that a friend wrote a fic based on a personal story of mine and my mom's and then had us both in the document to beta the work, and she listed us as cowriters.

all-time favorite ship? Harrymort and Tomarry. Followed soon after by Sasunaru. Whenever Taylor Swift releases new music, my first thought it always how I can apply the new songs to these ships.

what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? My HP x Naruto fic, Can Your Friends Do This? cuz it's hard getting in the mood for Naruto these days when it feels like the canon story has been ruined beyond repair.

what are your writing strengths? Introspection, Depression, Angst, and Fluff.

what are your writing weaknesses? Details. I often forget to pad out the between stuff so it's not just paragraphs of introspection and then dialogue with no indication of who is speaking. It's been years and I still do this. Whenever I edit a chapter, it'll end up about 1,000 words longer than it originally was when I finished writing the first draft.

thoughts on dialogue in another language? It's more immersive imo. The moment the story departs from the language you are reading it in... showing that is good. It's a general rule that anime fics are treated as a book translated into English while the characters are STILL technically using Japanese idioms and phrases in the story despite how the words are English to the reader. If the OC-as-Naruto started speaking French out of nowhere, that should be shown. Because the characters of the Naruto story are speaking Japanese because they live in a society inspired by Japanese culture, and French is not a language expected out of characters speaking Japanese to each other.

favorite fic you've written? Harry Potter: Master of Malicious Compliance. I wrote it in 6 days and then took 6 more days to edit it and then posted it as a Christmas gift years back. I documented the process on Tumblr and people's reactions made it even better.

I can't think of anyone to tag rn but here's my answers.

20 Questions (for fanfic writers)

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

3. what fandoms do you write for?

4. top five fics by kudos:

5. do you respond to comments?

6. what is the fic your wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. do you get hate on fics?

9. do you write smut?

10. craziest crossover?

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. all time favorite ship?

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. what are your writing strengths?

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

20. favorite fic you've written?

Tagging: @laserswordtraining @00queasy00 @cindle-writes @ciacconne @i-dream-of-libraries @theonceandfuturequeenoftarts @youknowmevj @mister-tom-a-dildo-lover @imsiriuslyreading

[ganondoodle]

Hey, I adore your artstyle mate, I loveeee all the vivid colors and the fact that most of it lacks lines?? You doing the hard stuff, but it paying off 💜

can I ask, as I’d like to get into comic making, how long does it take you to finish a a single panel?

Hi!! thank you very much!! drawing lineart is incredibly frustrating to me so im very glad i was able to make the jump to mostly lineless artwork, tho im very much still at the beginning to learn how to do it xD

to answer your question, i .. cant say really, it depends on what is on the panel, and i always jump around when working on a page, i draw half of the very last panel, then jump to another, maybe i see something i want to change right away and work on the third besides i ... dont know anything about panel composition, i think in movies so i play it and try to pause it on a frame that could work as a panel, whichs is probably why it goes alot slower than normal comics, idk how much to skip gndfjknvgfdjk

im by no means an expert in making comics, you kinda have to find your own way of what works for you, i have done many in the past but all failed, i gave up before getting even one chapter done many times

general advice i can give you is, most importantly, dont wait, i know its daunting to start, but you have to start, even if you dont think you are good enough, you will always change and improve anyway, better start now or you might do it never, and remember, when a page is done its done, i know how tempting it is to go back and redo it, but if you start with that it will only lead to an endless cycle of remaking it over and over

a cause that made me abandon my old projects, was partly lack of support/recognition, but mostly that i was forcing myself to things that werent fun, like one i made in black and white bc i thought you had to do it bc color takes too long, but i live for colors, so it drained the fun out of it immediately

the only "rules" i have set for myself is that its understandable, the flow of the action doesnt flip around too much, speech bubbles are aligned in a way that guides you (of course im not perfect at that either and always learn); i dont jump between pages, i jump between working on panels, but i dont start another page before the previous is at least acceptable, otherwise id get ahead of myself and get impatient, just wanting to skip ahead and neglect older pages; and that i only work on a panel/page as long as it has acceptable quality and is fun to draw, when i notice im getting bored or frustrated i finish it quickly as best as i can and move on, otherwise it might drag the entire project down, which is why each panel or page in 'Destiny' varies alot in quality

i can barely look at the first pages .. or even at the last one i made for that matter, but its also fascinating, how much my art changes within even one update which takes me about a month for 4 pages, since i have set my 'fun' rules at least, it used to take much longer (i wish i was faster, and i could be, but i have a job, and have to look out for my health, both physically and mentally, so i take whatever time i need and draw however much i feel like drawing, no rushing)

my progress so far is that i write a rough script, what happens, what dialog, where it ends, and so on, it doesnt have to sound good, god knows mine are shitty xD but its a good guideline, even if rough! then i make a rough draft, basic panel layout, dialog (it always changes fro mthe script, again its more liek a guideline than a rule ;) ) then i start with actually drawing the first page, my art and way of .. art and writing changes incredibly fast (idk if its for the better lol) so .. by that point i redraw the rough draft version of the page if i see how it works better, rewrite dialog too, and even cut stuff from the rough draft

im not done with the first chapter (im slow af lol), but wrote the script for the second one when my hand was injured and i couldnt draw for a month, once im done with this chapter i will draw the rough draft for ch2, then write the script for ch3 then go and draw ch2 fully, at least thats the plan the more time passes the more i know what the next chapters are gonna be, tho i know the important points long before; right now i have the entirety of the first arc sepeareted into chapters, and the end of it all too, but between there its still a lil blurry and im adjusting everytime i think of soemthing better

anyway, sorry for that long ass ramble, its late and i thoguht about this ask bc im trying to get my want to draw back (not feeling well rn nkfdnkd) so i randomly decided to answer it .. probably in the most unhelpful way possible, alot of stuff noone aksed for lol

anyway, sorry, and goodnight uwu

[lovelyjasmari]

Twisted Wonderland Reaction Part 15 ~ THIS IS NOT A GODDAMN OTOME GAME Edition

Hello everyone!

Welp, after a long work week/weekend, I finally finished reading the first part of the Phantom Bride event! This was actually one of 4 twst events I hadn’t previously read ahead, the others being Vargas Camp, Endless Halloween Night and that Epel-centric one JP got back in winter. I tried reading it afew months back, but 30 seconds in I was jumped by 4 of the twst boys proposing to me (ROOK INCLUDED) and I immediately noped out and spent the remainder of the night screaming into my pillow. Soooooo...yeah...

But I’m really loving it so far, Eliza is the worst and everyone is being petty af and it’s awesome! Warning: Pic heavy, violence, swearing, simping (A LOT OF SIMPING), twst boys trying and failing to be smooth, references to my ocs and some Idia slander. LET’S GET IT!

Sorry, Ace. You gotta get in line behind Rook, Vil, Malleus, and Lilia...

I feel like this was put in for those who felt Elsa was making some profound statement against romantics when she said something similar.

Always, my handsome, sexy, sus-as-fuck hunter of love! The blue really suits him and I know some ppl think he looks odd without his hat but I don’t. Rook is beautiful with or without it. Ohhhhh, I can’t wait to read his vignette! I think Eliza will REALLY like him but hopefully not because then she and I might have to fight.😊

Grim, when are we NOT being evicted or being threatened with eviction??

THE FUCK YOU MEAN “AGAIN”?! Don’t you think you should have warned us of the potential of this shit when you airdropped us into that shack?! God this bird man makes me sick!

Bitch unless you’re putting me up in a new place (preferably Diasomnia or Pomefiore for reasons...👀) KICK THE GHOSTS OUT! Actually, where are the usual ghosts when this is happening? I’d think they’d put up a fight too wouldn’t they??

Ortho is such a sweet little bro. But I do understand Idia’s appeal, hell, 17-year-old weeb me probably would have killed for a BF like Idia! Though he’d probably only want a uper petite Asian girl or a kawaii idol or e-girl type to live out his anime waifu fantasies. Don’t boo ,me, you know I’m right. 

That’s Disney talk for IDIA’S GOING TO FUCKING DIE

Have I mentioned that this bird man makes me sick?? 💀

Idia has absolutely doxxed ppl with Ortho’s help. Don’t tell me how I know this, I just do. 

Isn’t it always at this fucking school?! 

Edward Elric vibes right here, maybe Riddle should drink more milk...

Floyd, please shut the fuck up before Riddle puts a collar on you...

You shut up too!

 I’m still not over his bullshit from the last part of Book 5 either. GET HIS ASS VIL!

She’s awful beyond awful but I like her design at least, reminds me a lot of Emily from Corpse Bride.

Why does Idia sound like me trying to get my non twst friends into twst?? 😭😂

Somewhere in the distance, I can hear my brother’s girlfriend squeeing. I got her into twst a while back and she is a TREMENDOUS Leona simp, which is hilarious for me since I simp so hard for all the ppl Leona hates. 😂

And the violence has begun! But really, this shocked me when I first saw it, like DAMN THIS BITCH REALLY JUST BACKHANDED LEONA FUCKING KINGSCHOLAR! To be fair he did a pretty shitty job wooing her but still, violence is never the answer, kids! 

OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😍😍😍😍😍😍 I really wish this was voiced because we know from Book 5 that Vil can sing quite well and I would just DIE if Vil sang to me! MMMMMFFFFF I’m getting giddy just imagining it! 

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HER?! So what if Vil doesn’t have a dog, I would think she’d prefer to be the only bitch in his life anyway! 

Okay, look, I know that was terrible. But seriously, it was at this moment that Eliza officially ended up on my shitlist. I really hope she doesn’t slap Rook in the next part cause I will dropkick a ghost, I do not care! 

And unfortunately, Sebek was doomed from the start. Sometimes I wonder if he ever envies Vidaria for obvious reasons...

She’s got a point tho, one of the few times she actually said something sensible. Say what you will, but Sebek totally deserved that slap.

SIDONIE! COME GET YO MANS!!! 💀💀💀💀💀🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Aww, at least he’s being sweet abt his obvious failure. It’s funny cause when I write him with Sidonie, he’s very smooth and charming but here? An absolute dork! But a good natured dork and that’s what Sidonie loves about him. 💖

This cannot end well...

Bitch WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?! Why are you even here?!

Oh god, Jade is so goddamn charming that my heart would absolutely go if he offered me a flower. But at the same time it’s Jade so I would be terrified as well. Such odd, polarizing feelings he stirs within me...👀

WHERES MY STICK

Jade was literally the closest thus far in yeeting her back to the afterlife and you snitched on him because you were lonely in the slap corner? PET-TY!

Ya’ll ain’t shit, you know that?! NONE OF YOU! Except Rook, we’re still cool and haven’t needed to beat him with my stick yet. The rest of these clowns tho? Maybe THIS is the reason twst isn’t an otome game! 

Welp, let’s see how these fellas fare with Cater’s cringe ass nae nae talk...

Sadly not any better...💀

WHAT SEBEK SAID

Ugh, once again I find myself agreeing with this bitch. Modern dating is a nightmare and I am so glad I’ll be getting married soon myself to probably one of the last men on the planet who truly is a decent person. 

Oooohh, I really like Idia’s tux tho, and I’m not an Idia simp in the slightest but damn it suits him!

Good to see his priorities are in order. About to die? Yeah no biggie. About to die without reading the newest manga, TRAGIC!!!

In all seriousness tho, while pulling for Ace, I got Ortho’s ceremonial robes card and after reading the accompanying vignette, I can kinda understand why everyone’s so reluctant to help him. As a painfully anxious introvert myself, I REALLY hate Idia’s apathetic attitude. It’s going to take some PROFOUNDLY deep and tragic shit in Book 6 for me to think differently of him but as of now, nah I can’t with him, especially since I know ppl like him irl and they are actually the worst. 

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh, something tells me I’m going to be screaming into my pillow ALOT more when part 2 drops. Pray for me, guys...💙

Eliza better slap him first, if she want’s any sort of redemption in my eyes. Sadly I didn’t get Ace or Epel and I won’t be pulling hard for either since Vil will be coming home soon. And since the other vignettes are still locked, with that, the first part of the Phantom Bride event is done! So far, so good! And I just realized, I began this post with an Ace pic and I’m ending it with an Ace pic! Not intentional though, I swear! ❤

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑺𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝑫𝒐𝒘𝒏 (𝑲𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝒀𝒆𝒐𝒔𝒂𝒏𝒈) 𝑹𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

Pairing: BFF! Kang Yeosang (Ateez)/ BFF! Reader (Female)

Genre: Smut, Slight Angst, Fluff, Non Idol! AU.

Synopsis: Yeosang decides to show and prove to his best friend that slow and sensual sex is superior to rough fucking.

Word Count: Around 3-4K

Warnings: Mentions of smoking/drinking, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, nipple play, semi-drunk sex, sex taping (with consent), sweet vanilla sex with music/ led lights in the background, protective sex that transitions to unprotected (always do safe sex), creampie, best friend/ non-romantic relationship (?)

━═━═━═━═━═━═━═━═━━═━═━

"Room for one more?"

Turning her head in the direction of the deep, husky voice next to her, Y/N shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't really care. Not my place anyhow."

She lifted the almost finished cigarette to her lips. Taking a small puff of it, she blew out the smoke with then turned back to the dark brown male that had now taken a seat next to her on the porch.

"Want the last one?" She held up her cancer stick for him to take.

"No thanks." He shook his head.

Y/N scoffed at that. "What? Not hard enough for someone like you?"

Throwing the tiny butt onto the ground, she didn't care at all to put it out. Rolling his eyes, Yeosang extended his leg to finish the task of making sure she didn't set anything on fire.

"Sucker." Y/N repeated what she'd often call him.

"Dumbass." He counteracted her attack with his own nickname for her.

"Why are you even out here? Wouldn't you rather be inside and join in on the fun?" She asked him.

Picking up a nearby stick, Yeosang began drawing random shapes on the ground below him.

"What do you classify as fun? I mean, besides destroying your lungs and aging faster."

"Haha, you're so fucking hilarious." Y/N replied sarcastically.

"As if you're any better Yeo. I'm surprised you're not stumbling back to your shitty apartment with either Hwa or Joong helping your wasted ass."

"Need I remind you that you practically live in my so called 'shitty' apartment cause your roommate can't stand you at the dorms." He snorted at her.

"It's not that she can stand me! I can't stand her bringing her douche boyfriend in the middle of the night or at odd hours of the day just so they can fuck each other's brains out!" She exclaimed in frustration.

Smirking at her, Yeosang couldn't help himself as he said:

"Maybe you should get your brain fucked out once in a while. Might help you be a little less bitchy."

Y/N scoffed.

"I'm not bitchy and I certainly don't need it."

"Your face says you do. Like seriously Y/N, when was the last time you got a good fuck? Let me guess. Probably 8 months ago when you let Youngbin pound you behind the bleachers?" He laughed at her.

"Ok! You know what?! Fuck you Yeosang! I can't believe you brought that up!"

Standing up, she began to storm away from him, away from the party and decided to just go to the nearest bus stop so she could go hide under her bed and pretend she didn't exist. Crossing her arms over her chest, she shivered slightly when a slight breeze blew against her. But still she continued walking, not paying attention to the voice calling out for her from behind. She had gotten a block away from where she was when she heard the sound of something scraping against the pavement behind her.

"You're hard to find." Yeosang came up next to her, his feet firmly planted on the skateboard under him.

"And you're hard to get rid of." She threw a passive aggressive smile in his direction.

"Listen..." Shifting the board to the left, he blocked her from walking any further.

"I'm sorry ok? I didn't mean to upset you." He apologized.

"You didn't really upset me.....I just hate bringing that jerk up again."

Yeosang chuckled at her pouty expression. Getting off the skateboard, he kicked down on one of the sides, making it fly up so he could catch it with his hand and tuck it under his elbow.

"Come on. Wanna hang out at my place tonight?" He offered.

"Still got leftover booze from last time?" She asked in anticipation.

"Now who's the alcoholic here snip?"

═━═━═━═━═━══━═━═━═━═━═

It was well past 11 and Y/N had already downed more than half the bottle of the hard liquor. She lifted the glass up again to her lips when she was stopped by her friend beside her.

"Easy tiger. I think you've had more than enough."

Taking the bottle away from her, he wiped the top off before taking a quick gulp before setting it down somewhere next to him.

"I'm not even drunk yet.." Y/N mumbled out.

"Certainly not, but you're definitely not sober. So I'd say you're just a tad bit tipsy."

Y/N shoved him with her shoulder when he tried to lean his head on her.

"No. Go away. I'm still mad at you." She barked at him, clicking her tongue in annoyance.

"So I take it I'm sleeping on the couch again?" Yeosang raised an eyebrow at her.

"Well I certainly aren't. Shit's uncomfortable af."

Standing up, she threw her crop sweater over her head and tossed it somewhere in the room, her black shorts soon following after. Yeosang barely batted an eyelash at his friend's actions, so used to her walking around half naked around his place.

Slumping down on the bed, she reached into Yeosang's dresser and opened the drawer, knowing she'd find his stash of tootsie pops in it. Picking out a cherry flavored one, she unwrapped it and popped it in her mouth, discarding the wrapper on the waste bin a few feet away from her. Turning on her back, she hummed softly before taking the lollipop out of her mouth momentarily to pat on the empty space next to her and say:

"Sangie, come here. I wanna cuddle."

Yeosang grumbled at her words.

"Whatever happened to me sleeping on the couch?"

"Never said you should. Now come on." She repeated at him.

Yeosang sighed in disbelief, seriously questioning why he even put up with his friend for so long. Removing his plaid pullover hoodie and black skinny jeans, leaving him in just a plain white T-shirt and his black briefs, he slid down next to Y/N and wrapped one of his arms around her waist.

"Happy now?" He inquired of her.

Y/N shifted a little so that they ended up in a more comfortable spooning position.

"Yeah I guess." She murmered softly.

Yeosang began to draw circles across her hip, occasionally pulling the side of her black panty and making it snap against her skin, making Y/N swat his hand away whenever he did.

"Can I have some?" Yeosang gestured to the candy in her mouth.

Pulling it out with a loud 'popping' noise, Y/N held it out for him to take. Putting it in his mouth, Yeosang sucked in it briefly then took a small bite out of it before handing it back to her.

"Heathen." Y/N derided him when she saw the mutilated lollipop.

"Puss." He snickered at her.

They laid there in silence for a few minutes, the only sound coming from them was the occasional sighs or hums that would elude from their mouths. Getting tired and bored of the painful lack of noise, Yeosang reached for his phone and connected it to his bluetooth speakers. Scrolling through his playlist, he smiled smugly as he found the one song he had been listening a lot to lately and did not hesitate to start playing it. Y/N jolted a little when the blaring of trumpets resonated through the room.

"Jesus fucking christ, why must it start in such an unholy manner?" She complained as she shifted a little in Yeosang's embrace.

Yeosang couldn't help but laugh softly.

"And you know that's not the unholy part about it."

Y/N couldn't help but smile at the sincerity of his words and especially not when the first verses started.

~Tell me what it is you wanna know

Finish up the bottle then we'll go, babe~

"Speaking of which, we didn't finish our bottle."

Y/N made a move to get up, but Yeosang pulled her back down, this time making her lay on top of him.

"Kang Yeosang!" She grunted at him, eyebrows furrowing at him.

"Snippy pants." He winked at her then placed a kiss to her nose.

His hands began to travel down the curve of her lower back, momentarily resting on her ass, his fingers digging into her soft skin.

~I'm too phased, it's too late

But coming down is all I ever do, babe, yeah~

"Pervert." Y/N accused him when he slapped her ass lightly.

"You weren't complaining when Youngbin-"

Y/N silenced him with a kiss to his lips, her tongue running across his upper lip. Yeosang tried to capture her tongue with his teeth, but she pulled back before he got the chance, making him whine softly.

"Mention that atrocity one more time and I will blow up your dick." She threatened him.

Yeosang couldn't help but poke fun at her.

"I wouldn't necessarily say no. I've heard your blowjob stories."

Y/N smacked his chest.

"What?! You think guys don't talk about it around me? They don't hold back just because we're close." He ruffled her hair.

"What about you? How come I never hear any stories from you? Is our little Sangie an actual saint?" She jeered at him.

Yeosang smiled softly, his hands pulling on Y/N's bra strap.

"First of all, let me assure you I'm not little.."

Lifting his hips up slightly, he grinded against her so she could feel his semi hard on. Y/N widened her eyes momentarily, her subconscious wishing he'd repeat the action one more time.

"And I'm not a saint. I'm just not as promiscuous as the other guys, that are into rough fucking all the girls in our class." He explained as he moved Y/N's strap so it fell off her shoulder.

Y/N couldn't help but look at him incredulous.

"Seriously? Getting fucked like a pornstar is one of the best feelings ever. Best kind of sex there is."

"I beg to differ babygirl. I find it to be completely overrated." He mused softly before placing a kiss to her exposed shoulder.

~And I'm so down if you're ready

I'm floating but I'm heavy

And I'll show you if you let me, girl~

"So what? You mean to tell me vanilla sex is better?" She rolled her eyes.

Yeosang couldn't help the mischievous smile that formed on his sculpture like face.

"It's not just better.....it's superior."

Yeosang's hand grabbed the remote next to his lamp, which he promptly turned off. Clicking on the first button, the room instantly illuminated a dark red from the LED lights that Yeosang had installed when he first moved into the apartment.

"Want me to show you?"

Y/N hadn't even responded but Yeosang was already unclasping her bra. His hands caressed her exposed back as he patiently waited for her answer. Feeling brave, Y/N sat up to let the garment fall off her body and onto the floor. She looked back to see Yeosang's reaction. He bit his lip, his hands gripping the sheets beneath him in an effort to contain himself from touching her before she gave her consent.

Y/N leaned down, her hand cupping his chin.

"Show me then."

Closing the distance between them, she kissed him tenderly. Yeosang hummed into the kiss, his fingers tucking a side of her hair behind her ear.

~I don't know if you already know how

But girl, I got the feeling that you know now~

Yeosang's tongue pressed against her bottom lip, making Y/N chuckle, but nonetheless granted him access to her mouth. Holding the sides of her neck, Yeosang swirled his tongue inside her, before pulling her own into his mouth to gently suck on it.

"Hehet....you smell like alcohol." He said in between their makeup session.

"Shut up and kiss me you dork."

She pulled him back in and deepened their kiss, her mouth hungrily and sloppily kissing his, her lips trailing across his chin and jaw at times.

"Fuck. How desperate are you?" Yeosang asked.

"A whole lot, now can you fucking stop being the ass you are and get on with it?" She pleaded with him.

In a flash, Yeosang flipped her onto her back. Burying his face in her neck, he placed open mouth kisses across it until he found exactly what he was looking for when Y/N's breath hitched.

"Found you."

Yeosang began to suck onto the sensitive patch of skin he had discovered. Y/N tilted her head to give him better access, which he took complete advantage of. Yeosang only pulled away after making sure there'd be a crimson red mark for anyone to see the following days. Satisfied with his work, he moved further south and began to kiss down her sternum, his hands going from her hips to her waist.

His lips went from kissing in between the valley of her breasts, to gliding over and taking one of her perky nipples into his mouth. His other hand made sure that its twin wasn't left unattended as he pinched and played with it delicately between his long and slender fingers. Without realizing it, Y/N arched her back, making Yeosang smile against her skin.

"You're definitely enjoying this." He teased her, biting faintly on her tiny bud.

"Sh-shut up..." She mumbled.

"And I haven't even gotten to the fun part."

Yeosang dragged his mouth painfully slow down her stomach, placing open mouth kisses on several parts of her skin. Once, he reached her belly button, he couldn't help but feel a little playful. Pressing his face down, he blew against her skin, causing her to squeak and giggle at the vibrations.

"Sangie!" She gushed at him and his awfully cute action.

"Sorry." He apologized but the sparkle in his eyes indicated he was anything but.

When he realized he was in between her legs, only a piece of fabric separating him from her most intimate place, he looked back up at her, mentally asking her if she still wanted to continue. Maybe it was the partially drunk part of her brain or maybe it was the sober part, either way, Y/N nudged Yeosang with her knee, urging him to do something.

Getting the hint, Yeosang grabbed the sides of her panties and began to rid her of them. Y/N lifted herself up so the process was easier for him, and even parted her legs for him, her neediness wanting him to just do as he pleased.

Yeosang inhaled and exhaled sharply as he stared down at his best friend's glistening and almost dripping core, the astonishment and lust in his stare quite unmistakable. His hands wrapped themselves on the back of her knees, his body leaning closer to get a better look at her.

"Well?" Y/N chuckled when he stayed dumb for a while.

Smiling an ironically pure smile, Yeosang didn't take his gaze off from between her legs as he responded:

"It's pretty.......so fucking pretty."

Turning his head, he kissed her right knee tenderly, dragging his lips around it. Eventually, he began kissing up her inner thighs, both of them, leaving no spot unattended. Y/N began to breath more rapidly as she watched him earnestly inch closer and closer to her lips.

"Oh-oh..."

Y/N gasped when Yeosang dragged the tip of his nose up her slit, making sure to press down on her clit.

"Fuck! You smell absolutely delicious babe."

Releasing her knees, he brought his fingers up so they could spread her folds apart so he could glide his wet muscle up and taste a bit of her. Yeosang couldn't get enough of her taste, as shown by his relentless effort in licking and sucking at her clit. One of his fingers began prodding at her entrance, swirling around and finally sinking inside her.

"Fucking hell Y/N, you're so tight and you're already sucking in one of my fingers. Seriously how long have you not gotten any dick?" He inquired as he added a second finger, beginning to scissor them inside her.

"Too. Fucking. Long."

Shutting her eyes, her hands went to Yeosang's hair and began pulling at it, her hips pressing against his face.

"Yeosangie..... help me..." She whined at him.

Paying attention to her needs, Yeosang buried his face in her heat once again, sucking and lapping enthusiastically, moaning occasionally as his 2 fingers slid in and out of her at a moderate pace. Y/N's chest began rising up and down, she could feel herself getting closer and closer to spilling all over her friend's face. The thought of her actually cumming in Yeosang's mouth riled her up more than she'd ever think it would. Yeosang felt her walls tightening around his fingers, clear indication she was about to cum. Being the teasing asshole he was, he pulled his fingers out and detached his mouth from her core, panting slowly from having been eating her out so passionately, some of her arousal smeared on his chin, upper lip and even on his nose.

"What the hell you jerk!?"

Y/N sat up, fully committed to smack him across the face, but he gripped her wrists as he forced her back down.

"Calm down Y/N, I promise you'll be cumming soon."

Leaning in, he kissed her forehead lovingly, sending flutters down her body. Her hand placed itself on his chest.

"Off." Although it was technically an order, she meant it more as a request.

Yeosang pulled his shirt over his head, allowing Y/N to gawked at his lean but toned abs and muscles.

"Fuck.......when did you start working out skater boi?"

Yeosang blushed and giggled shyly.

"Around the same time you began showing off your legs a lot more."

Y/N watched in anticipation as he began to remove his boxers. She widened her eyes when she saw her long time friend's cock slap against his stomach, the tip already leaking out precum.

"Holy shit. You weren't kidding when you said you weren't little." She complimented him.

Y/N reached out to try and grab it in her hand, but Yeosang swatted her hand away.

"You can suck my cock another time. Right now though, I'm dying to have it inside your tight hole."

Y/N clenched at the mere thought of having such a good looking cock inside her. She'd never outwardly admit it, but she always had a thing for visual stimulation and above average dicks.

Opening the drawer, Yeosang took out a condom and ripped it open with his teeth, soon rolling it onto his length. He slowly lowered his body on top of hers, kissing her softly as he aligned himself at her entrance. With a roll of his hips, he slid inside her, both of them moaning loudly. Yeosang let a few seconds pass before he began rolling his hips, starting at a slow and steady pace that matched the rhythm of the music playing in the background. His face hid in her neck, biting and kissing at her shoulders as his hands kept her waist firmly planted on the mattress.

"Fuck, you feel amazing Y/N." He whispered against her ear, making her sigh blissfully.

Wanting to dote on her more, he began spurting out a relay of compliments.

"You look so beautiful like this baby. Fuck! I wish I could capture this moment forever."

Feeling bold, Y/N held out her hand and began tapping around until she found what she was wanting to grab. She held out Yeosang's phone to him.

"Then why don't you?"

Yeosang groaned, halting his movements so as to not cum from her insinuation.

"Are you for real?" He wanted to make sure she wasn't kidding.

"Please just don't film my face. I don't want anyone to know it's me in case it gets in the wrong hands or you upload it to a porn site." She stated making him burst out in a lighthearted laugh.

"Oh honey I won't do that. I'm keeping this for my fap material."

Yeosang sat up as he turned on the camera. He began moving once the phone started recording the naughty scene taking place in his bedroom, this time going a little rougher than at first. He loved watching the way Y/N's tits bounced every time he pushed back inside of her. The red LED lights only made it more thrilling, adding a more erotic aesthetic that the camera captured perfectly.

~I'm burning up, yeah, all I see is red, ah

She said "Fuck me like I'm famous"

I said, "Okay"~

Yeosang's free hand ran across her stomach, momentarily pressing down on the bulge protruding from there. Then it began to squeeze at her breasts, fondling and groping them in a not too harsh fashion.

"Yeosang..... I need more..." She spoke out.

Yeosang pressed paused to help her out.

"Want more? Ok. Turn around for me baby."

~Push a little further on the edge

Crawl a little further on the bed, babe~

Pulling out of her, his hands helped her turn her body for him. Y/N immediately got on all fours, but Yeosang pressed his hand on her back.

"As cute as you look right now my friend, that's not what I had in mind."

Pushing her down, he made her lay her body on the mattress into a low doggy position. Y/N looked back at him with a questioning gaze.

"Trust me Y/N. It'll have you cumming in seconds."

Picking up his phone again, he was about to resume recording when Y/N's words made him snap up.

"Sangie please fuck me raw."

Yeosang swore he had a mini heart attack when she said that.

"Y..Y/N....what are you-"

"It's ok! I'm on birth control and I just really want to feel you and have you cum inside me." She confessed unashamedly.

Yeosang thought about it for a minute before deciding 'screw it' and threw away the condom that was wrapped around his dick. Pumping himself a few times, he finally pressed record again, wanting to capture the moment he entered his friend completely raw.

This time his thrusts were more deep and fast paced, wanting to have Y/N come as fast as possible, which wasn't going to take too long, if her now loud gasps and moans were a major clue.

"Oh- oh my g-god!"

Y/N now understood what Yeosang meant when he said he'd have her cumming in seconds. With his cock pushing in and out of her rapidly it made the mattress underneath her rub against her clit in the most addicting friction she'd ever had.

"T-told you so.." Yeosang couldn't hide the shit eating grin on his face, which Y/N would have slapped off if she could see it.

Gripping at her hip harshly, he angled himself so he could hit that special spot in her, finding it quite easily after many practices in the same room from past lovers. Y/N tried biting her lip but it wasn't enough so she resorted to hiding her face on the pillow in front of her, muffling her near shrieking moans.

~You're buried in the pillow, yeah, you're so loud

But I'm about to show you, baby, slow down~

Lifting her head up slightly, she tried to warn him.

"S-Sangie...I'm gonna-"

She threw her head down again, not wanting Yeosang's next door neighbors to complain next day about the noise, given how thin the walls were.

Positioning his phone on the dresser, Yeosang crouched down and lifted her face up to look at him. She looked almost completely fucked out, her hair sticking onto her face, sweat beads piling on her forehead. Yeosang kissed her messily, his mouth silencing some of her moans as well as his own.

"Go ahead gorgeous. Cum for me. I'll be right behind her."

Yeosang let out a deep, gutteral moan when he felt her clench around him, her body shaking underneath him as she came hard. A series of cursing ensued as he spilled himself inside her, coating her walls with his cum. He slowed down his movements, but never halted them completely, wanting her and himself to ride out their orgasms. When he finally stilled inside her, he grabbed his phone again and held it close to where their bodies connected.

"Holy shit. That's so hot." He said in an almost gloating tone as he pulled himself out of his best friend and watched as part of his cum seeped out of her.

Turning off the camera, he reached for the box of wet tissues on his nightstand and began wiping Y/N down. Tapping on her shoulder, he asked:

"You ok there bud?"

Y/N let out a muffled "Yeah."

"Cute." He shook his head.

Turning off the music, he plopped beside Y/N, turning her so they could resume spooning like they were in the beginning.

"So....?"

Y/N opened her eyes and tilted her head to look at him.

"So what?" She looked at him rather puzzled.

"Do you agree now that vanilla sex is superior?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Y/N hummed as she pondered about it in her head. Turning around so her body faced his, she pulled him closer.

"I don't know.....might need a little more convincing..." She joked.

Yeosang took notice of the slight smirk that tugged at the corners of her lips. Wrapping his arms around her, he kissed the top of her head.

"Oh trust me. I don't think this will be the last time...."

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~Song used here: Slow Down- Chase Atlantic ~

[raspberryconverse]

Day 2 with Zofran and I'm starting to feel more like myself. Had my full amount of oatmeal this morning and a proper lunch (though it's feeling a little heavy now, but I need to eat). Also had much closer to a normal amount of caffeine for me (still took awhile to finish my coffee, but I'm ok with that), so I actually don't feel exhausted AF.

I also decided to take a full trazodone last night and the night before and it was a good call. Today I even fell back asleep after doing my normal 9:15 work check in like the old days.

It was funny: last night during virtual knit night we were talking about the smoke from the Canadian wildfires (I live just outside of Chicago) and the LYS owner was saying she didn't sleep well and had a headache and stuffy nose. I said that because of my medication withdrawal it was hard to tell if the smoke was affecting me because I've felt so shitty the last month, lol. I even get a runny nose because nortriptyline does something with histamines (though I'm taking a copper supplement, which is supposed to help with histamines, but it hasn't really helped on that particular front).

I think I'm going to try my new medication this weekend since the Zofran is combating the nausea and I feel so much better.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Finally decided I'm taking a day off tomorrow. I've just felt so shitty today that I don't think I can power through tomorrow. I've been nauseous more than not. I've had a headache all day (not enough caffeine because I couldn't even finish my coffee). I just don't think I can do it tomorrow. And my psychiatric NP actually suggested I take some time off, but I've insisted I can handle my job. I just feel so awful right now and it makes me cry. Not even for depression reasons, just because I feel so shitty.

I'm really tired of feeling this way.

[ackermans-freedom-inc]

The Moves

Heya! So I am in this weird phase where all I can think about is the friends to lovers trope. Please enjoy and I hope this makes up for the angst I’ve been posting....<3 | self indulgent af, brief bi hinting - also me realizing that reader is gender neutral in this fic!

Even before the lock turned, Levi was already smirking. Judging from your frantic texts that night, your date had not gone well. Something about the guy being a slob, handsy on a first date, and having as much personality as a saltine cracker.

He had choked out a bark of laughter when you asked him to make sure there was ice cream in the freezer. It was that bad.

Looking over, he tried to keep his face straight and uninterested as you slammed the door closed, ripping off your coat and hanging it up before stomping into your room to change. By the time you emerged, Levi couldn’t hold it anymore, his version of a shit-eating grin as he raised an eyebrow at you, patting the spot next to him on the sofa.

“That bad?”

“Worse,” You groaned, your face in a pillow, voice muffled, “Am I just shit at dates? Do I have standards that are too high or something?”

“People are just shitty sometimes.” He shrugged, walking off to the kitchen, leaving you with your thoughts.

You had dated around for the better part of two months now, none of the dates going any further than the second. There was always something not quite right about each of your partners. Girls trying too hard, overwhelming you with sweet custardy perfume that was doused all over, blowing up your phone to hang out again, or a denial of their sexuality after the first date. With the guys it wasn’t much better, your preferences leading to either lewd descriptions of sex acts you were not about to try anytime soon with anyone, or wide unblinking eyes before quietly excusing themselves leaving you to awkwardly finish your coffee, and maybe flirting with the server for a bit before scurrying home.

You were so tired. Nothing seemed to work out, and you were happier at home anyways. Time spent in your little two-bedroom apartment was always more fun than dates, mostly due to the fact that you had Levi to talk to.

The two of you clicked during your university years and quickly moved out from the dirty and loud dorms to a small two bedroom. Now the two of you were nearing the end of your studies, and neither had even considered moving out. It was just so comfortable living with Levi, he was respectful of your privacy, let you have your way with hogging the bathroom in the morning, and always had a snarky comment to offer to soothe your nerves.

For your part, you cooked whenever you felt overwhelmed with school, and it bode well for the both of you when it came to having meals. You had some sort of knack for finding good deals, able to whip up ridiculously delicious meals for a bargain. Levi would always graciously accept your cooking, wordlessly helping you scrub the pots and clean the kitchen afterwards.

Your friends always joked that the two of you were perfect for each other, how cute the two of you were, but if there was one thing you weren’t quite sure about Levi, it was his feelings for you. It was no secret you had a crush on him when the two of you were first introduced, but that feeling was quickly quashed in favour of being his friend and longtime roommate. Nowadays, you weren’t quite sure what it was that you felt for the man, and to be honest, you were scared to venture past the firmly drawn line of friends, worried you would have to spend the rest of your final year not only heartbroken, but down a friend and place to live.

You yelped when cold assaulted your bare thighs, causing you to jerk up from your sprawled-out position on the couch to rub at the area, eyes fiery.

Levi was holding two pints of ice cream and two spoons, a smirk on his face as he watched your feigned anger melt away when your eyes read the flavour on the carton. Your favourite.

“Cold carton to the leg. Wakes you up from daydreams and melts the sides a little. Win win.”

You frowned, looking up at him, “You rarely have ice cream with me. Something happen?”

A sigh and he plopped down on the couch, your legs curling beside you as you shifted into a sitting position, giving him some room while your hands made quick work of the container, popping off the lid and scooping a nice helping.

“Petra broke it off.” Levi whispered, a mouthful of his own ice cream making him pause, “she said something about being tired of being with someone who didn’t love her as much as she loved me. Figures.”

You sighed, nodding along to his words. The two of them had been going through a rocky patch for ages now, and frankly, you never thought the two of them were going to last. Not too many people knew Levi the way you did, and you prided yourself in the way you seemed to be the one he could talk to about anything, no secrets between the two of you. All except that little tidbit about you and your feelings for him.

The feeling that was supposed to be quashed, the forbidden dream. The edges were fuzzy, but now they seemed to focus as he mused over his failed relationship over mouthfuls of indulgence, the two of you sitting together in the quiet, minds racing, hearts pounding, voices silent.

~

The couple dates you’ve been on since that night were also disasters. You had given up at this point, Friday nights better spent at home watching movies, trying to beat Levi at how many consecutive pieces of popcorn you could catch in your mouth a way better activity than making a fool of yourself out with random strangers that never seemed to catch your fancy. Perhaps it was time to admit to yourself that no one seemed to hold a candle to the man who was constantly on your mind these days.

By the third Friday night you chose to stay in, Levi looked a little stir crazy and frankly, you were too. Deciding the both of you needed some fun and excitement, you whipped out the bottle of wine someone had given you at housewarming and splurged on some steak from the local supermarket. Some pasta bubbled away in water as you tasted the sauce for flavouring. The two of you were doing a fancy night out at home. You wore one of your favourite dresses, and Levi had reluctantly agreed to throw on something nice, having lounged in his comfy clothes around the apartment all day.

The table was set, dishes plated, and wine poured. What you didn’t expect was for Levi to sweep out of his room, black pants with a belt, dress shirt tucked in and sleeves rolled up to his forearms. He ignored your puzzled look as he pulled you up from your seat, your hand in his as you walked a lap around the couch.

“Can’t let you arrive first for dinner, even if you cooked it.” He said, eyes flashing at your giggles.

“Wow putting on the moves eh Levi?” you teased, indulging him as he pulled out your seat for you when the two of you made it back to the table. “What other moves have you got?”

“Moves?” he repeated, taking a seat himself.

“You know, date night moves.”

“I’m not sure I have any moves. Do you?”

You smirked, eyebrows waggling. “I have a couple up my sleeve.”

“Alright, hit me.” He challenged, raising his wine glass as you scrambled for your own, “I’d like to see these so-called moves.”

“You are not ready for this,” you teased, gesturing to yourself even as your heart pounded. Somehow you had managed to bite off more than you could chew and now you were backed into a corner. A corner you had made for yourself, but a corner, nonetheless.

Dinner was comfortable as it always was, the two of you chatting in between mouthfuls, his soft praises of how good everything tasted making you smile while willing the butterflies in your stomach to settle, your wine downed in an attempt to quell the nerves.

By the time the candles you lit dimmed as the wick neared the end of its life, and the lights flicked on in the apartment with their timer, dinner was long gone, the two of you lulled into a comfortable silence.

“You…you know me better than anyone Levi.” You offered, looking up from your glass, elbows on the table as you swirled your drink.

“Yah, it’s a good thing because you’re the only person I tolerate enough to live with.” He countered, setting his own glass down.

It must have been a combination of his words and the wine still lingering on your tongue, but you leaned in, ghosting your foot over his leg under the table, your attempt at a seductive grin turning into a genuine smile as he rolled his eyes.

“Really Y/N? That’s your move?”

“It…its part 1 of the moves!”

He was about to continue to comment when you stood, pushing back the chair, the fabric around the neckline of your dress drooping slightly, causing him to choke back his words. If that wasn’t enough, you grabbed the plates, balancing them in one hand, while your fingers ran across the back of his hand trailing up to his arm before you walked to the sink, leaving a soft lingering scent of citrus you were so partial to.

“That’s part 2,” your soft voice echoed from the kitchen, missing the way Levi’s eyes went wide, missing the way he tugged at his collar and adjusted his pants.

When he had fallen under your charm he did not know. Whether it was the atmosphere of the night, or the way the two of you had so seamlessly flitted from flirting to chatting and back to flirting again had him wishing the night would never end. He wanted to do things he was reluctant to do with Petra, his heart and mind in unison in their conviction that he should be doing more.

“Is…is there a part 3?” he dared ask as you walked back to the table, getting up from his own seat and pushing the chair in.

You took his hand before walking back towards his bedroom, leaning against his doorframe as you looked into his eyes, nodding.

“This is a good one.” You murmured, fixing his collar, hoping he wouldn’t be able to see the way your heart was practically pounding out of your chest.

“Goodnight Levi,” your voice a whisper by his ear as your hand fell from his collar to trail down his chest.

That was supposed to be the end of it, your whole repertoire of moves having been performed. For some reason, you couldn’t swallow the lump in your throat. For the first time, you had enjoyed yourself on a Friday night, on a pretend night in date with your roommate. You wanted to ask him, you wanted to know, your toe already past the line of friends at this point with all your teasing and flirting during the night under the guise of showing him your moves.

And it would have been the end of the story had his hand not caught your wrist as you walked away, a soft tug causing you to turn back as you felt his cold hands against your chin.

You obeyed his touch, letting him turn your now blushing cheeks to face him, his eyes a darker grey than you’ve ever seen before he leaned in, lips slotted against yours, your brain barely registering his other hand cupping the back of your head, tangling in your hair.

Soft and sweet, the kiss was innocent, but had the weight of a thousand tons, causing you to lose your balance, your whole being tugged over and across the line of friendship as you opened your eyes when you felt him pull back.

“Is…” your voice was soft, somewhere between breathless and hopeful, “is…is this one of your moves Levi?”

His hands stayed; fingers that were on your chin having moved to graze your cheeks.

“No.” he said easily, “that was me realizing I was blind this whole time.”

A smile broke across your face, leaning into his touch as you tugged him towards you, your final confession before lips met once more.

“Yah…me too.”

[storiesforallfandoms]

too rough ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 1714

request?: yes!

@colsonbakerxxxxxx​ “Can you do a smuttty af one with the reader x MGK, like really smutty lol but Kells was extra rough and the reader was trying to hold on but at the end she couldn’t take it so she called out the safe word? Then Kells feels really bad and does the proper aftercare (bath, massage) and him just feeling like crap for hurting her x”

description: after a stressful day of trying to finish his album, colson decides to try and let off some steam, but is a little rougher than he means to be

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, smut, oral (fem receiving), choking, being a little too rough during sex

masterlist

He had had an off day at the studio. Things just weren’t working out to his liking and the album was taking longer than he wanted. The studio was breathing down his neck to get it done in time for the launch, just a month away. Lately, it was beginning to feel like each studio session only completed part of a song, and it was taking a week to try and finish even two songs.

When he got home, he was seething with frustration. He just wanted to go to bed and sleep for a whole day and hope that when he woke up next everything would be fine and finally would work in his favour. That was, until he say you laying on the couch in just a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top, minding your own business and watching TV. He had a better idea for getting his frustration out then.

You turned your head to look at him and smiled a little before noticing his look of frustration. “What’s up, honey?”

“Shitty day at the studio,” he responded as he eyed your body up and down. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

He was beginning to pull his shirt off, and you immediately knew where this was going. You sat up and began to pull your own shirt off, a smirk on your face. “Okay, then we won’t talk.”

It wasn’t unusual for one of you to come home frustrated and for the other to help relieve that stress and frustration. In fact, anger sex was probably some of the best sex you had ever had. Some days you were even excited when Colson got home and was stressed and frustrated, or when you were having a shitty day and Colson would send you teasing text messages to tell you how he’d help you relax.

You were about to get up so that you could both go up to the bedroom, but was pleasantly shocked when Colson pushed you back down onto the couch. The living room was one of few places in the house that you ever had sex, mainly because there was always a fear of Casie coming unexpectedly and catching the two of you. But Colson was so frustrated and ready to get rid of that feeling that he really didn’t care where you did it at the moment. He would’ve taken you on the floor if he had to.

He pulled off his pants and pulled your shorts down your legs, kissing over your stomach and thighs as he did so. You giggled as he kissed his way up your stomach, pausing to pay special attention to each of your boobs, before attacking your neck and definitely leaving marks, and finally placing a rough kiss on your lips. You gasped against his lips as he pushed himself fully into you, filling you up in no time.

The rough thrusts and manhandling that Colson did when he was frustrated was also nothing new to you. You had almost grown accustom to them, and some days would rather feel him fucking and handling you more rough than he usually did. But this time was something different. It was as though something else had taken over Colson all together. He was rougher than he usually was with his thrusts, the sound of skin slapping against skin ringing out through the otherwise quiet house.

At first, you thought it was really hot. Your brain could barley form a coherent thought as moans and cruse words fell freely from your mouth and your eyes rolled back in your head in ecstasy. You even couldn’t help the gasp and moan of pleasure when Colson wrapped his hand around your throat and squeezed just a little. However, his grip on your throat suddenly became tighter and the once pleasurable thrusts were beginning to hurt and make you feel sore.

You tapped on Colson’s arm, hoping he would get the hint to ease up on his grip. When he didn’t, you managed to wheeze out, “Pomegranate!”, the safe word you and Colson had made up back when you first began dating and having sex.

The word snapped Colson out of his funk. Quickly, he released your throat and pulled out of you. His face was filled with concern as you took a deep breath, finally able to breathe properly.

“I’m so sorry babe,” he said. “Did I hurt you bad?”

You shook your head. “Not bad, no. It was just getting hard to breathe, and you were fucking me a little rough there. I’m feeling a little sore now.”

“I’m so sorry,” he sighed again, sitting at the other end of the couch.

You sat up and ran your fingers through your hair. There was still a pulsing pain between your legs and you couldn’t help but wince when you moved your legs and accidentally put pressure on it.

Colson watched you with sad eyes. He lowered himself onto the floor in front of you, gently guiding you to the edge. He placed a gentle kiss on your sore clit before licking it slowly. Your head lulled back in pleasure as you let out another moan, encouraging Colson to continue pleasuring you. Your hand found its way to his hair, taking a handful of it and holding it tightly as he continued his work. Before you knew it, you were calling out his name as your climax hit you, covering his mouth and chin in your juices.

Colson stood, wiping his mouth with his thumb before sticking it in his mouth, which was an incredible turn on to you. He began to walk away, but you quickly stopped him by asking, “Wait, don’t you want me to finish you off, too, babe?”

He shook his head. “It’s alright, babe. Sit back and relax for a second, but don’t put your clothes back on.”

You giggled, figuring Colson had some other idea for sex. While you still felt a little sore and sensitive, especially after an orgasm, you still felt ready to continue going with the sex. Colson hadn't hurt you as bad as he thought he had, and you really hoped he wouldn’t worry about it that much.

You heard the water begin to run in the bathroom. You stood from the couch and hobbled down the hallway (literally hobble, you were feeling too sore to walk). When you finally got to the bathroom, you saw that Colson was running a bath, completed with your favourite bubble bath peaking over the edge as he continued to fill the tub. His beautiful blue eyes caught you in the doorway, watching him work.

“I told you to relax,” he said, although there was a slight smile on his face and a light tone in his voice.

“I was curious as to what you were doing,” you told him. “This for me?” He nodded. “And are you gonna join me in the bath?”

“Only if you want me to.”

“I think we both know the answer to that.”

When the bath was full, Colson helped you in first before getting in behind you. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed over whatever exposed skin he could reach as you rested your back against his chest.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, baby,” he said once again.

You shook your head. “Don’t be sorry, babe. I used the safe word when it got too much, and you stopped immediately. I’m not upset or anything, and I’m already feeling a little better from it.”

He was tracing circles with his thumb around your collarbone, leaving goosebumps that were starting to spread to your neck and arm as he did so. “I was just really frustrated. The record label keeps hounding me to finish this album so they don’t have to push the release date. They keep threatening to cancel it all together if it’s not finished within the next week.”

“Why would they cancel it? So many people are excited for this album, if they cancelled it they’d be losing more money than they are if the album is a little late.”

Colson shrugged. “The label doesn’t have too much faith in me. I’ve been making rap and hip-hop for as long as I can remember, and I’ve been insanely successful doing that. When we went to pitch the album and play them the first few songs, they kept saying they weren’t sure because a change in genre doesn’t always work out for someone. Even when we provided Why Are You Here as an example of how I could make good punk rock music and it could be well received they weren’t sure. I think they just think this album is gonna crash and burn and they’ll have wasted time and money on agreeing to let me do it.”

You put your head back against Colson’s shoulder and turned to kiss his neck as much as you could reach. “Baby, you know that’s not true. Even if that’s what the record label thinks, you know your fans will love the album no matter when it comes out. They’re already begging for more songs that sound like Why Are You Here, imagine how excited they’re gonna be when you drop a whole album that sounds like it.”

Colson smiled and held you tightly. “I guess you’re right. I just can’t help but feed into that negative vibe sometimes.”

“I know, but you have to remember the positives when you start letting that stuff get to you. You have to target those negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones.”

Colson kissed behind your ear. “You’re the best positive thought I have.”

You giggled and turned so you could plant an actual kiss on his lips. “I’m glad I can be a positive thought in your life.”

“I’m glad to have you as a positive thought in my life.”

You smiled and kissed him once more before settling against him again. The two of you sat in the hot bath for some time, not speaking but just enjoying each other’s company. In that moment, Colson decided that this would be one of his new de-stressing techniques in the future; a nice bath with the love of his life.

[katsukikitten]

Wholesome Frat AU, Clearly aged up, college au, main characters are Bakugou, Kirishima, Denki, Sero, Jiro, Mina, and of course you my dear reader. Sexual themes, mentions of drugs and booze through out.

AHEM

Chapter 1

Denki lies upside down off his bed, staring at his phone when another invite to a party comes through. It's from a classmate he shares notes with and one of the few non toxic dudes on campus. A smile forms on his face, his fingers ready to fly across the screen to confirm his Friday night to be golden and one to remember. 

Or maybe wish to remember as alcohol and maybe some weed numb his senses. 

But then the location comes through, a frat house that's notorious for ignorance and low key rape culture. He turns it down claiming to study and sighs. Staring at his shared four walls from the top bunk. 

"What's going on with you? No one wants you to keep their bed warm tonight?" Sero teases passing him up a beer before starting the next round of his game. Preferring to get buzzed and troll in Apex lobbies than find somewhere to be tonight.  

Their phones buzz at the same time, Kirishima coming through on the group chat. 

Big Red 🦈 : Any plans tonight boys?

Boomboi 💣 : Fuck off, busy. 

Tape dispenser 🎞 : Apex

Zaptos ⚡: got invited to a party but location is sus af. You bro? 

Big Red 🦈 : Yikes 😬 Keepin some ladies safe. Don't like the scene here…

Tape dispenser 🎞 : Same

Zaptos ⚡: Same

Boomboi 💣:  FUCK OFF!

Denki and Sero both smirk at their phones before moving on with their Friday night with small talk of Instagram stories and received risque snapchats. As the beer fridge gets dwindles  their thoughts seem to grow. 

"Okay, listen. Here me out!" Denki says as if Sero would ever come off defensive. He finishes his eighth beer before continuing. 

"What if we started our own frat? Like...like a fucking wholesome one." 

"Dude not only does that sound impossible but what would we call ourselves?" Sero chuckles nursing his seventh beer. Denki pauses for a moment, trying to think of something, anything great. 

"Alpha Kappa Wholesome." He smiles, "Yea that's it!"

Sero laughs from his bottom bunk earning an angry faced Denki to put half of his body over the side of his bed. 

"I'm serious man! We could kick out whoever doesn't match our values. This college is supposed to be about making 'lasting connections' with fellow heroes! How are we supposed to do it when we are cooped up in our tiny dorm!" He gestures to their cramped room. A set of bunk beds and desks with their TV and shared dresser on the far wall. Sero looks around, this sure as hell wasn't like the dorms at UA that's for sure. 

"Okay well two people isn't enough for a frat, man." Sero lets the dream die before it can bloom, running a hand through his raven hair. Denki scrunches up his face before he remembers where his crush stays.  It's as if a light bulb lit up atop his upside down head. He jolts himself falling from the top bunk crashing into the empty beer bottle. They clink in protest but thankfully non break, just roll beneath the bottom bunk. 

"But there is a sorority of only four and we have four friends in our group!" 

Denki decides now is a good time to face time them. Kirishima answers first with a shout that he's gonna step outside, the roaring party and flashing lights die behind the shutting door while Bakugou is illuminated by the light of his screen glaring into the camera while a meek looking girl hides. 

"This better be fucking good." Bakugou growls. 

After an hour and a half of screaming Denki finally convinces Bakugou that sharing a house with the three of them as opposed to a rando was a much better idea. Reminding him that he had done it for three years in highschool surely he could last two more. He agrees but refuses to help argue with the dean meanwhile Kirishima is GLOWING with excitement over the idea formulating with his sober mind the best way to handle the notorious harsh Dean. 

It takes petitions, several meetings and almost til the spring break to come down to this, the final meeting. Bakugou, who has attended every meeting and true to his word has said nothing. Denki nervous as a sinner in church, Sero who's sweating bullets and Kirishima all sit in the room with the board, treasury and the Dean in a final meeting of sorts. 

Kirishima gulps and before he can explain the benefits the frat will have to offer the Dean stops him with a simple show of his hand. Taking a report from the secretary of treasury to look over, he just needed the monetary excuse to back up his favorite word. 

"No." He clears his throat, "Unfortunately funds are too low to be able to support another fraternity." The Dean leaves it at that not even bothering to offer they join something preexisting. 

Three of the four men accept defeat, mentally communicating that they did a good job trying. But the fourth man dreamed of his own room, of his own space to do as he pleased. And all without threat of being charged with murder. Although the fourth man would never admit that the reason he spoke up wasn't totally about the room, it was the look of defeat, anguish on his friends faces that had the room heating up a degree or two and smelling heavily of boiling sugar. 

"Oi, toupee." The hot head let's his seat fall back to all fours, fixing the Dean a withering look, "You said something about not enough money huh?" 

The Dean swallows thickly carefully thinking out his next sentence. 

"Why, Yes its…." Bakugou interrupts before the Dean can even finish his thought. 

"Pretty sure I'm the reason this campus is gonna be swarming with fucking no name extras next year." Katsuki's smile widens as his hand pops, "If you deny this request with the money I'm making you then I'll participate in the university sports festival with another college's across my fucking chest." 

The Dean visibly sweats, Bakugou really was a hard student to land. His brash attitude and unapologetic behavior was popular among the younger generation bringing with it an influx of applicants and donations. It hadn't even been 24 hours since his announcement did it crash the admin and donation site. He panics, not even sure if there is any real estate available on or around campus in order for him to legally allow this fraternity to flourish. As if reading his mind the secretary of grounds offers him a file, an old run down home within a decent walking distance of the main campus. The Dean exhales the breath he didn't realize he was holding. 

"Let's not act so rash. It has just come to my attention that we have some extra funding to be able to purchase a place for you all…" He looks over the file, he hopes this is enough to placate the hot head, "But it will need some old fashioned sweat equity, if we can secure it. The town has been kind enough to offer us first dibs to real estate within a certain radius of campus and if they like our offer you hardworking men will have your 'Alpha Kappa Wholesome home." 

"They better like your offer." Is all Bakugou says before standing, "We get the keys in a month, got it?"

He doesn't give the Dean time to rebuttal, he just leaves while the other shocked three follow suit. It isn't until they are in the courtyard does their excitement hit them all at once.

"HOLY SHIT BAKUBRO ALWAYS COMING IN ON THE FUCKING KLUTCH!" Denki shouts, tackling Bakugou into a hug, Sero and then Kirishima wrap their arms around the yelling hot head who threatens to blow them up. 

"I owe you a fucking drink!" Kirishima shouts lifting the group and twirling them  

"OI OI OI SHITTY HAIR PUT ME DOWN!" 

After that promised drink and a month of waiting the four musketeers stand before their new home. The house is trashed, easily a short sale of a foreclosure as the rent went higher but their wages stayed low. The amount of work to make this place semi decent was going to be astronomical at best. 

Bakugou is thoroughly unimpressed, scoffing as Denki runs up the porch. The vision is clear in the electric blonde's head. The massive porch is clean, with a swing and some chairs, string lights hanging from the wooden ceiling while the half wrapped around, second story porch is draped in endless artificial star light cloaking the house in cozy warmth. 

Dneki opens the front door and plume of dust rushes out around him, the other two follow suit. Taking the steps two at a time as they rush into the house. Harsh garnet stares after them before glancing at their luggage. He decides to leave it all stepping inside. 

Their imaginations run rampant as they stand beneath the large archway to the main living room while Bakugou begins to second guess opening his mouth. That or getting more money from the Dean. Before displeasure can leave the hot head his friends turn to face him, their eyes shining and smiles stretched wide, wide enough it begins to hurt Bakugou's own cheeks. They encourage him to step into the home more, telling him what will go where. For a moment his smile is soft, tender as he looks at these three idiots seeing the bright side of everything before he steels back into his normal self.

"Oi! Quick acting all googly eyed. We've got a lot of work to do and a lot of fucking money to raise." 

The four friends spend majority of their spring term picking rooms and doing basic cleaning. Bringing only one of the two full bathrooms up to par, trying their best to keep up with the old big house. Even after all of them picked their rooms there were still three bedrooms and a den with a door left. They brain stormed adding recruits but Bakugou shot the idea down despite Sero being elected the president of the frat. 

Spring boils into summer, bringing with it the promise of cold hard cash. Bake sales and lunch deals thanks to Bakugou's cooking skills brought in a large amount of income, so did the odd jobs Kirishima, Denki, and Sero found themselves doing. Still they find themselves short.

"Shirtless carwash!" Denki announces earning a glare from Bakugou. Kirishima pipes up before the idea is blasted sky high. 

"Think of the money man. The community around here is soccer mom's and freshly graduated college kids and I don't know about yall but when I go for a run or hit up the corner store after a good run I'm being stared at." 

"That's a valid point Bakugou. I've seen how they flock to you for baked goods, they've been staring at your arms and eyes man." Sero adds voting yes to the idea making it three to one. 

Just as Kirishima said, woman and even some men, flock to the area for a car wash. Some even coming back twice in one day! The cash flow is good but still a bit lacking. Denki wipes the sweat from his brow as he wonders how they will get enough to be able to get decent light fixtures and a working fridge in the dorm. Let alone anything aside from a blown up mattress and folding chairs in the living room. He scrolls through his social media on his break and comes across the miracle he has been asking for. 

A lovely summer picture of four women in bikinis, three of them his housemates have lived with before. Mina Ashido, Jiro Kyoka,  Ochako Uraraka, and then there is the new woman, you.

But what makes the picture that much sweeter isn't even the content itself, no it's that gorgeous caption just beneath it. 

"BASIC BITCH CAR WASH! Help us raise money for an apartment so our sorority doesn't get disbanded!" 

An idea formulates in the electric blondes head so quickly he thinks sparks fly from his ears. A dangerous smile forms on Denki Kaminari's lips. 

[lazyangeltreemoney]

Emergency Contact

Oneshot, Rich Kid AU

Description: James Barnes has been Y/N’s best friends since they were kids, even though they seem to come from completely different worlds. So much so that Bucky lists Y/N as his emergency contact, but the spoiled rich kid has to learn the hard way that Y/N has a life too.

Pairings: Rich-Kid!Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 5991

Warnings: swearing, Bucky being a brat, car crash, hospitals, character injury, police stations, ANGST

A/N: this one is angsty AF and involves two idiots being in love. also gotta love a little bit of feisty!reader, hope y’all enjoy.

“So Y/N the demo sounds amazing-” 

RING RING RING

Y/N almost jumped out of her seat trying to silence her phone. Sat in the big office, the man sat opposite her with lots of big gold records in frames behind him gave her a judgemental stare. 

“Sorry about that, as you were saying, Mr Graves,” Y/N spoke, trying to sound as professional as possible. 

She was so close, this could be it, her big break. Finally, she sat in the office with Mr Jimmy Graves, one of the biggest music producers on the scene. All the fame and fortune, she could almost taste it. It would make all those nights singing in shitty bars worth it. 

“As I was saying, the demo is amazing, your voice, out of this world, but I’m afraid that you’re not the look we’re going for at the moment.” Mr Graves finished on a low note. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Y/N choked out, no, no this couldn’t be happening. 

Just as Mr Graves tried to downplay crushing her dreams by offering her a role as a backing singer on some other artists track, her infernal phone rang again. 

RING RING RING

No longer caring about anything the man had to say anymore, she answered it. 

“Hello, who is this?” Y/N seethed out, she tried her best to not sound pissed off but she was not having a good day. 

“Hello, is this Miss L/N, I’m calling from the 87th precinct, you’ve been listed as James Barnes emergency contact, I’m sorry ma’am but you’ll have to come down to the station,”

It probably wasn’t a good idea to be speeding on the way to a police precinct but when it came to Bucky Y/N didn’t care. Parking her car up by the sidewalk, she rushed out into the precinct. When she walked in one of the detectives practically swept her up and led her to where they were holding Bucky. 

The detective looked tired and was holding a cup of coffee. As Y/N followed him down the halls towards the interrogation room he seemed to look more and more pissed off. Y/n could only assume he had been interrogating Bucky, god he could be an ass when he wanted to. She even felt sorry for the detective. 

They eventually reached a room at the end of the hall. The detective opened it to show Bucky handcuffed to the desk. The room had dark walls and a blinding white light directly over Bucky. Behind him was a one-way mirror where Y/n could see some bloody marks on Bucky’s back. His face was bruised, along with his hands looking bloody. 

“Jesus Buck.” Y/N sighed at the sight of him. 

Bucky raised his head to look at her. He was so focused on her that he didn’t even look at the detective that uncuffed him. 

“Looks like Daddy’s bailed you out, my superiors have told me to let you go… don’t let me see you again, Barnes.” The detective warned him in a low tone. 

“And I was about to add you to the Christmas card list.” seethed sarcastically as he got up out of the chair. 

Bucky knew the drill and knew where to collect his stuff. He walked past Y/N and down the corridor, completely blanking her. It’s fine, not as if I’m here to pick your ass up away. Y/N looked back at the detective who was giving her an apologetic stare. 

“You his girlfriend or something?” The detective asked. 

“Nope, do I dare ask what he was taken in for?” Y/N winced as if she was bracing for impact. 

“Assault and destruction of property, it was a bar fight that got out of hand apparently.” The detective explained. 

“Thank you, Detective.” Y/N sighed and went to follow after Bucky. 

“Ma’am if I could offer some advice, rich boys like Barnes take everything for granted, don’t let him take you for granted as well.” The detective’s wisdom, however, didn’t sit right with her. 

She wanted to argue back at him, tell him that he didn’t know Bucky but Bucky was calling her from down the end of the hall telling her to hurry up. The detective only flashed her a look of ‘I told you so’ before Y/n went racing out after Bucky. 

When Y/N got outside Bucky was smoking a cigarette. He looked a little more cooled down from earlier but still relatively annoyed. The orange embers at the end of the cigarette seemed to illuminate him in an amber glow. Even bruised and bloodied he still looked beautiful. Y/n had known Bucky since they were children and she had always thought he was beautiful. Bucky glanced up at Y/N and took one long drag on the cigarette before stubbing it out. 

“How the hell did my Dad even know I was here?” Bucky groaned as he walked with Y/n to her car. 

“You’re Dad probably knows one of the officers, still it’s nice of him to bail you out for what, the tenth time this month?” Y/N argued with him, she really didn’t want to fight with Bucky right now but sometimes it was the only way to get anything through his thick skull. 

“What does it matter to you?” Bucky argued back, stopping dead in his tracks. 

Because I care about you, you idiot.

“You know listing me as your emergency contact doesn't mean I’m at your beck and call at any point.”  Y/N tried to remind him that she had a life as well. 

“Please, I’m not taking you away from much, your nights of singing in dirty bars and songwriting for cheesy commercials are oh so important to you all of a sudden?” Bucky questioned in his ever sarcastic tone. 

“God, could you stop being such a spoiled rich kid for two seconds.” Y/N groaned

“I’m just saving you some time Doll, you really think you’re gonna make it big one day like this?” Bucky’s sarcastic questions were cutting through her like a knife. Every harsh word from him was another stab at her. How could he say such things? Had he always been this harsh and Y/N was just blind to it? 

“Just because I have to work for what I want doesn’t make it impossible Barnes, I haven’t been gifted everything I want like you.” Y/N was trying to hold back the tears, god she really hated fighting with him. 

“Y/N, that’s the only way you get anything in life, but I’ll tell you what, if you want to spend the rest of your life singing in the same bars uninterrupted then I’ll take you off my emergency contact, hell I’ll take you off my whole contact list,” Bucky yelled at her. 

Maybe it was the fact that she had just had her dreams crushed once tonight already made Bucky’s words sting so much. The fact that she had been told she doesn’t have the right look, the fact that Bucky, who had once believed so heavily in her dreams, was now trying to tear them down. Spite is an excellent motivator, however. 

“Fuck you Bucky,” Y/N wasn’t sure what came over her but she shoved Bucky into the lampost, she felt god damn feral and Bucky could only watch her in shock. “I’m going to make it so fucking big, my names going to be in lights, in every talk show hosts mouth, my songs are going to be on the radio and I’m going to sing in the biggest arenas on this planet and I’m going to earn every second of it, meanwhile you will just be some spoiled rich kid who is only known as George Barnes’ brat.” Y/N’s words dripped out of her like venom as she walked away from Bucky. 

It was only when she had her back turned could she let the tears finally escape her. She didn’t care that she was meant to pick him up, he could walk home for all she cared. Right now she needed to be as far away from him as possible. As she drove herself home could think of Bucky and how things had become so messed up. 

He was once such a sweet and kind boy, being her best friend and supporting her for as long as she could remember. She remembered the nights when Bucky wouldn’t miss a single one of her performances, always insisting every time she sang was better than the last. Now, he was almost unrecognisable. It was as if time had taken the kind boy and replaced him with a selfish and cruel man. Y/N decided that night that she didn’t need Bucky, that she was going to make it big without him and it was going to be glorious. 

The crowd applauded as Y/N bowed slightly and bid the crowd goodnight. Stepping down from the stage another singer walked up on the stage and introduced themselves. A year had passed since Y/N left Bucky outside that police precinct and she was actually doing pretty well for herself. 

Less than a month after the fight she had managed to get a job at a classy club in Manhattan full time. It was owned by a wealthy man named Loki who seemed to love Y/N’s voice more than anything else in the world. He paid her well and let her have her pick of the setlist, luck seemed to suddenly be in her favour. For nine months it was bliss… until James Fucking Barnes brought the club off Loki and became the new owner. 

Y/N had no proof but she was convinced Bucky had brought the place purely to spite her. That he was desperate to make her feel as if she couldn’t do anything without him. It’s not even as if Y/N could have left, where else was she going to get a job she loved that paid her this well? So for the past three months, she had been avoiding Bucky like the plague. Only talking to him when absolutely necessary, not caring that he was now her boss. 

Every night that Bucky knew Y/N was performing he was there at the club. Every night he would listen to her angelic voice, watch her take the crowds breath away as she sang and every night he would realise how wrong he was. Y/N would walk on stage in a beautiful dress that would always leave him tongue-tied and make his heart stop. You would think six months away from her would have given him time to figure out what to say to her… but it didn’t. How do you apologise for being an ass to your best friend for years? 

He didn’t mean to become such a monster, but power had grown on him like a tumour. He felt untouchable, nothing he did matter anymore. Any problem he had he could simply throw money on and it would disappear. Anyone he wanted usually wanted him just as much. Soon he became as cold as his money. Even his childhood best friend couldn’t make him come back to reality. 

Y/N leaving also made Bucky have another heartbreaking realisation… he loved her. When Y/N walked away from him that night at first he tried to not care. He still went out, got into fights, danced with whoever he liked and drank as much as he wanted. But none of it filled the hole in his heart. It was in a noisy night club with a girl trying to climb on his lap that he realised that he would much rather be in Y/N’s small apartment and having Y/N cuddle up against him. He missed the nights where they would talk about everything and nothing all at once. The nights where they would drink and Y/n would get the courage to show him the new songs she’d been working on. 

When he found out that Y/N was singing at the Heimdal, a club that his Dad was looking to buy, he leapt at the chance. He hoped that by becoming her boss she would have to talk to him, they would have a heartwarming reunion and somehow fall in love. However, Y/N had been cold and curt to Bucky the second he walked back into her life.

Y/N waltzed over to the bar, feeling absolutely parched after her last set. Sam, the bartender, handed her a glass of water and then handed her another drink. This one looked like some kind of fruity cocktail, definitely not what she’d ordered. Y/n shot him a confused look. 

“It’s from him again,” Sam sighed giving her an apologetic look, “It’s here if you want it.”

“I won’t.” Y/N grimaced. 

Bucky’s new tactic to get her to talk to him wasn’t even talking to her, but to have Sam always give her some fancy drink after her set. Guess he’s still just throwing money at his problems. Annoyed, Y/N sat down on one of the bar stools and took another sip of water. She knew she shouldn’t have but briefly looking over her shoulder she saw Bucky sat in one of the clubs’ booths. He did look a little better than when she last saw him. He'd cut his hair shorter and shaved his beard, that combined with his navy suit made Y/N’s heart skip a beat. 

However, the sight of a girl sat next to him, clearly trying to get in his lap made Y/N cringe. One second he was buying Y/N drinks and the next he was getting off with other girls. A small amount of jealousy boiled in her stomach… but she couldn’t say why. Y/N had watched him go on plenty of dates during college, she never felt jealous then but now she can’t stand the sight of Bucky and this bimbo. 

Y/N was pulled from her thoughts by a stranger sitting next to her. He called over to Sam asking for a scotch and gestured to Y/N.

“-And another round for the Lady when she finishes her drink.” The man spoke. 

“What’s the occasion?” Y/n asked cautiously at him with a raised brow. 

“Nothing much just heard the most angelic voice in America, is all.” The man said nonchalantly with a smirk on her face. 

A slight blush appeared on Y/N’s face and she moved a strand of hair behind her ear. No one had complimented her on her voice like that before, not even Bucky. Trying to not seem too fluster, Y/N sat up a little straighter.

“So what brings you here tonight, Mr…?” Y/N asked, giving a genuine smile. 

“Tony Stark, a friend of mine kept saying that they had an actual angel perform here, turns out he wasn’t wrong.” He took another sip of his drink and winked at Y/N. 

“Wait, Stark as in Stark Records…” Y/N whispered the last part as the realisation hit her. 

Tony Stark, the owner of Stark Records had just brought her a drink and said that she liked her voice, called it angelic in fact. 

“Yes, don’t tell me you’re going to faint.” Tony teased 

“No promises.” Y/n let out a faint laugh, still in shock.

Tony and Y/N had been chatting briefly, he asked her about what music is liked, the conversation moved onto Y/N’s original music and Tony was practically begging to hear some demos. Y/N matched his excitement, this was the happiest she had felt in so long. Tony listened to one of her songs through her headphones and he knew that she was going to be his next star. 

“So, what do you say that you stop singing for Barnes and start singing for me, I’ve been looking for a new star and honestly Y/N, you’d be perfect.” Tony offered. 

“Are you serious, you sure I don’t have the wrong look or something?” Y/N asked meekly, her insecurities getting the better of her.

“Sweetheart, anyone who doesn’t like looking at you has something wrong with them.” Tony smiled back at her. 

Many of his current stars were once like Y/N. Immensely talented but scared they weren’t the right look. Tony, however, knew from experience that someone as talented as Y/N didn’t need to follow some look. 

Y/N was about to accept Tony’s offer when she heard a giggle behind her. 

“James, at least wait till we’re back at yours.” The girl seemed to squeal. 

Even now, James Fucking Barnes seemed to be taking her spotlight. It was childish, the jealousy and silent treatment but Bucky seemed to bring out the worst in her. Y/N let out a frustrated huff and then she saw the fruity cocktail Sam had given her.

“Actually Sam, I'll take that drink,” Y/N smirked, grabbing the tall glass. “If you’ll excuse me for one second.” 

Bucky had decided to have another drink, telling himself that after this one he would finally work up the courage to talk to Y/N. That was the plan, it was the plan he had made over three hours ago, now he had some random girl by his side who was causing a scene. Bucky knew these types of girls all too well, the ones who wanted the tabloids to be going nuts with seeing a girl hanging off his arms. Bucky was trying to make it clear that he wasn’t interested but this one was persistent and the drink was beginning to catch up with him. 

Just as he was about to tell the girl to go far, far away he felt a splash of cold water on his face. He jumped out of his chair in shock and was ready to call security when he looked up to see it was Y/N who had thrown the drink of him. 

“You can keep your drinks,” Y/N began, placing the now empty glass on his table, “and I quit.” A satisfied smirk appeared on her face as she waltzed away from him. 

Bucky was gobsmacked, the whole room was staring at him, even the band had stopped playing. Bucky could only watch Y/N walk towards a man by the bar. He desperately wanted to chase after her but the girl who had been on his lap most of the night was now whining non-stop. 

“Ugh James I think some of it got on my dress, this is PRADA you bitch, JJaaammmess call security on her!” She was like an angry chihuahua. 

Y/N could hear the girls whining at Bucky and it only made her pride swell. Have fun with her tonight ‘James’. She sauntered towards Tony who could only chuckle at Y/N’s actions. 

“You’re going to be a handful aren’t you.” Tony raised a brow at her. 

“Well, there’s nothing like a good bit of publicity,” Y/N smirked. 

With that Y/N left the club for the last time on Tony’s arm and with Bucky left hopelessly behind. To her, it seemed like a fitting start to her new life. 

Five years had passed since she first met Tony. He had become her mentor, teaching her how to truly make a lasting impression on audiences and how to act now that she was under the media's watchful eye. 

With every new song Y/N released, her fame only grew more and more. In a mere five years, she had become an icon with her voice and ‘angelic’ style of dress. Tony’s words the first night she met became something of a mantra to Y/N. True to her word, she was bigger and better than she ever believed she could be. She had proved Bucky wrong at every chance she was given… even if he wasn’t around to see it. 

Y/N had just finished tonight’s performance and was cooling down in her dressing room. No matter how many times she performed to thousands of people, she still needed some quiet time after to make all the adrenaline leave her body. She’d changed out of her costume and simply had on a silk robe as she removed her makeup. The silence of the room was a stark contrast to the screaming crowds Y/N had been in front of earlier but she liked it. It was something to keep her grounded. 

Just as Y/N finished removing her makeup her phone rang. Tony made fun of her for being one of the biggest names in America and still having the same phone from five years ago. Something about the nostalgia of it was comforting. Despite her fame and fortune, Y/N never wanted to forget everything she had because she worked for it. She didn’t recognise the number but nonetheless, she answered the call. 

“Hello?” 

“Is this Y/N L/N… the actual Y/N L/N speaking?” A voice asked on the other line. 

“Yes, who is this?” Y/N replied, there weren’t many people these days who had her number.

“I’m a nurse at St. Andrews hospital, we’ve recently had to admit James Barnes and he’s listed you as his emergency contact,” 

By some miracle, Y/N had been touring in the same state where Bucky was. Tony had warned Y/N against it, telling her that the paparazzi would be on her like vultures and ‘wasn’t Barnes the same guy you threw your drink on.’ But she couldn’t just ignore him, she never could. 

Y/N tried to dress as casually as possible and wore a pair of sunglasses in hopes that she wouldn’t be spotted. As she walked up to the reception she felt like cursing whatever cruel God was going to bring James Barnes thundering back into her life. 

It just had to be from a hospital, I haven't had one phone call from him in years and when I finally do it’s because he’s hurt himself… I guess something will never change. 

Y/N told herself she would just see if he was okay if he was then she could simply walk away and never see him again. The lady on reception told her that he was in room 104, so Y/n walked down the corridor trying to hold her head high. No matter how hard she tried, there was an uneasy pit of worry forming inside her. What if Bucky was seriously hurt? What if he was dying? All the worst possible scenarios seemed to be forming in her mind. She needed to find Bucky and she needed to find him now. 

Before she knew it, Y/n was running towards his room. Acting almost on impulse she heaved the door open to see Bucky lying on the hospital bed. At first glance, Bucky seemed to be fine with only a couple of scratches and bruises on him but then Y/n looked at him properly. Maybe my eyes are playing tricks on me? But they weren’t… Bucky’s left arm was gone. 

Bucky looked up to see some girl standing in his room. She was wearing a cream trench coat and sunglasses as if she was from old Holywood. There was a second of uneasy silence when Bucky was about to explain that she had the wrong room when she finally spoke up.

“Bucky,” Her voice quivered as she walked closer to him. She removed her sunglasses and Bucky could have sworn his heart stopped beating then and there. 

He had seen so much of her, in the papers, magazines and on almost every billboard in the country. True to her word she had become a star, bigger and brighter than ever. However, no matter how many times he saw her on paper it didn’t come close to seeing her in person. 

“Jesus Buck,” She sighed when she was finally right next to him, “What happened to you?” 

Bucky looked down to where his arm should’ve been but instead all he could see was disgusting scar tissue peeking out from his bandage. There wasn’t much to say other than he had been his usual self and this time it nearly killed him. He was speeding down a dark country road without a care in the world when the car spun out of control and hit another car driving the other way. By a miracle, the other driver hadn’t been hurt but fate wasn’t going to let Bucky get away scot-free. Bucky looked back up to Y/N, he didn’t want to admit to her that after all these years he was still being an idiot. 

“You were right you know, you made it bigger than anyone ever thought you could be and you did earn every single bit of it all by yourself,” Bucky began to speak. His voice sounded rough and strained as he talked. Every word that came from his mouth seemed to break Y/N’s heart. 

“You were right about me as well… I’m nothing more than some spoiled rich kid.” Bucky seemed to hang his head in shame. 

“Oh, Bucky, you’re so much more than that,” Y/N instantly felt the guilt from their argument wash over her. In all these years she never considered that what she said might have hurt Bucky. 

“No I am, I’m pathetic... I can’t even hold you in my arms… I always thought the next time I saw you I would get to hold you-” Bucky choked up, tears beginning to well up in his eyes. 

Y/N’s heart broke at the sight. Acting as if no time had passed, Y/n kneeled down next to him and took his head in her hands, wiping away his tears. 

“I’ve felt so numb for so long Y/N, I haven’t felt anything in five years until you walked through that door,” Bucky admitted. 

“You have no idea what it was like to hear your name for the first time in five years, pretty sure my heart stopped.” Y/N’s face carried the same pained expression as his. 

That was when it dawned on Bucky, he never did remove her from his emergency contact. Part of him was beginning to wonder why she had suddenly appeared in the hospital. An awkward silence fell between them. They hadn’t seen each other in so long and they didn’t part on the best terms but right now Bucky needed Y/N. He needed the girl who became his friend when he was 11, the girl who cared for him more than words could say but also called up out for all his bullshit. So that’s when he asked her,

“I know I have no right to ask you, but please don’t go, please?” Bucky begged. 

At that moment Y/N released how broken Bucky was. In all of her life Bucky seemed to demand everything, so used to having everything at his beck and call. This was the first time in her life she could recall Bucky actually asking for something.

“I’m not going anywhere Bucky, I’ll always be here for you when you need me.” Y/N told him. 

She meant it with every fibre in her body. There was some cruel silver lining in this whole story. That this tragic night needed to happen to bring them back to each other. Y/N stayed with Bucky all night, even when they tried to kick her out after visiting hours, Y/N merely dropped her name and they let her stay all night. 

Bucky had been given some heavy pain meds and was fast asleep but still, Y/N refused to leave his side. He could have died tonight. Those words played over in her mind like a bad record. It’s what made her realise that she had spent over six years without her best friend. That she had abandoned him when he needed her the most. Y/N didn’t even have a good reason for abandoning him other than pettiness and stubbornness. 

Then Y/N’s phone rang, it was Tony and Y/N already knew he was going to be pissed. 

“Hey, Tones,” Y/N answers trying to sound as sweet as possible. 

“Well if it isn’t my Darling protege, tell me Y/N in all teachings have you truly learnt nothing?” Tony’s sarcastic tone made Y/N pull away slightly from the phone. As badly as she wanted to hang up on him then and there, it would have only made him angrier. 

“Tony,” Y/N sighed down the phone, hoping she could calm him down. 

“Oh no you’re not talking your way out of this, there’s currently about 100 reporters and paps outside the hospital as we speak and they’re sure as hell not leaving without some answers,” 

Y/N tried to cut in but Tony was very clearly not finished with his rant. 

“-Answers as to why The Y/N L/N suddenly ditched her own after-party for some random guy in a hospital bed, what Bonzo story are you going to try and float here?” Tony groaned down the phone. 

“I don’t know, okay!” Y/N yelled back, her sweet exterior finally broken down, “He just called and I came running, it’s always been the same old schtick… it’s like I can’t fucking help myself,” Y/N’s voice wasn’t as harsh as Tony’s there was still a magnitude in the words she said. 

She could have simply not come and told the lady that Bucky was trying to pull a fast one but she didn’t. Instead, she put everything in her life on hold just to make sure he was okay and the worst part? She would do it again in a heartbeat. 

“Look I can take care of the reporters, claim that it’s a close family friend but I need you to do something for me,” Tony sighed, “I need you to promise me that you won’t give everything up for him… whatever you two have isn’t worth losing everything you worked for.” 

Y/N didn’t have the strength to keep arguing with him or anyone else. Going through the motions, Y/N simply hung up and looked back up at Bucky. He was fast asleep, the pain meds kicking in at last. That was when an awful thought hit her, she could leave now… he’s alive, you’ve done your duty… but then what? Wait another five years until he gets hurt again? She wanted to stay for him but it couldn’t be like last time. Things needed to change. 

When Bucky woke up it was nearly 10 am, man the pain meds must’ve knocked him out cold. He glanced around the room, there were nurses, monitors and IV drips all around him but no Y/N. Had she snuck out in the night? Bucky couldn’t have blamed her if she had, one night wasn’t going to make up for the near-decade he had spent being an ass. 

“Rise and shine, Handsome,” A nurse called over to him as she checked over his vitals. 

Bucky could only give her a small nod of acknowledgement, his mind too preoccupied with Y/N. 

“Something on your mind there, handsome,” The nurse kept pestering him. 

“His name is James,” 

Bucky pushed himself up to see it was Y/N standing by the door holding a coffee and a couple of bags. Her tone towards the nurse was flat and unamused. Something that made Bucky smile properly for the first time in years. The nurse finally left but not before telling Bucky he could simply ‘buzz’ for her at any time, in a sultry voice, a voice that made Bucky feel like spiders were crawling up his back. 

Y/N was giving the nurse a death glare until she had finally left the room. Letting out a small huff, Y/N placed the cup of coffee down on the table and started going through the various shopping bags she had, silently. 

“You don’t have to be jealous,” Bucky spoke, 

“I’m not jealous,” Y/N muttered as she continued to go through the bags. 

“Yes you are, you’ve got the same look on your face as you did when you saw Cindy Schatt’s kissing John Rider,” Bucky chuckled at the memory of that pool party at his house decades ago. 

Y/N just remained silent, trying to not make eye contact with him. Bucky knew that she only did that when she knew he was right but didn’t want to argue. To be completely honest, Bucky didn’t want to argue either. He felt that they had wasted too much time arguing and swallowing their feelings, far too much time. 

“I love you,” Bucky stated, his voice calm, clear and confident. 

Y/N’s hands suddenly stopped moving. All the cogs in her brain stopped working as she tried to comprehend what Bucky had just said… he said he loved her. Slowly, she glanced up and allowed her gaze to meet him. 

“Y/N, I love you so please don’t waste your time being jealous over some nurse,” Bucky repeated, making it clear to Y/N that he had no hidden agenda. 

“How should I spend my time then?” Y/N murmured. 

“Tell me you love me back,” Bucky breathed

“I’ve always loved you, that’s the problem,” Y/N sighed, why did it always seem to end in a fight with him. 

Bucky felt like the oxygen in the air was suffocating him. God, with every other girl in his life it had always been so easy bit with Y/N he never seemed to be able to find the right words to say. What annoyed Bucky the most was how simple things could be, she loved him and he loved her. This was supposed to be where they would finally get their happy ending, the boy finally confesses his love for the girl and they crash into each other and kiss while the credits roll. 

Y/N looked up at Bucky trying to gauge his reaction. Surely her confession couldn’t have surprised him so much. Was Bucky that clueless? All those nights she came rushing to his side when he was being a reckless idiot? Did he just assume she would do that for anyone? Bucky, however, looked completely at a loss. That was when Y/N said fuck it. 

She walked over to Bucky and kissed him. Y/N cupped his cheeks and kissed him like it was the last time she would ever see him… she hadn’t quite made up her mind yet if it was going to be. Bucky kissed her back so desperately, convincing himself that her kiss was more vital to him than breathing. When Y/N finally pulled away slightly for air, Bucky couldn’t help but reach up for the taste of her lips again. 

But then he noticed Y/N pull away slightly further, her hands still cupped his cheeks as if she never wanted to let go. But at the same time, she didn’t want to give all of herself to him, not anymore. 

“Doll,” Bucky whispered. 

“I just- I just can’t let it be like last time, James,” Y/N whispered back. 

“Never, I will never be like that again, it’s already cost me far too much and I’m sure as hell not losing you again,” Bucky’s eyes were just as glassy as her’s, tears threatening to spill at any moment. 

Y/N wanted to tell him how he never truly lost her but Bucky didn’t give her the chance. He kissed her, somehow even more feverishly than last time. They parted panting and forehead resting against one another. It wasn’t the kindest of reunions but it was certainly the sweetest.

[writingsfromhome]

Bad Timing I(.5)

A/N: This is the sort of backstory to Harry and you, I think it can be read on its own if you want, or before you read the first part too. It’s angsty af, but it has some death and sensitive topics jsyk. I tried to keep it concise but it got a little wordy as angst does. xx

Part 1

-------------------------------------------------

About 12 Years Ago:

“So are you coming to that party or not?” My roommate asks. She was one of the first people I’d met last year when we started uni and even though we came from different backgrounds we remained friends over the last year, even choosing to room together again. She got me to open up and find the extroverted part of me that was able to enjoy uni outside of academics.

“Ugh, I’m volunteering for the voting booths for the rest of the week. Maybe if I can make it?”

“You’re actually doing that?” She scrunches her nose. “I don’t get it. You’re just way too nerdy to be my friend.”

“And yet you loove me,” I squeeze her against me and she laughs. “It’s my mom, she said I had to do at least one extracurricular so I could meet friends this year.”

“You already have friends,” she points to herself, and with her came her group of friends that’d quickly taken me in last year.

And my mom doesn’t like that I hang out with you, I think. She thought we partied too much even though my grades stayed decent. “She wants me to have nerdy friends too, I dunno. They’re helping me pay my tuition until I get a job so I kinda have to play nice.”

“Parents suck,” my roommate flicks through her closet. I agreed, this was just something I would get through to get through. Then they would leave me alone for the rest of the year.

Little did I know the person they’d partner me with at my polling station was someone who would be in my life for the next decade.

“I’m Harry by the way,” he’d said after we received our orientation and assigned the building we were going to babysit the votes in. “Second year.”

“Me too! I’m Y/N. What’s your major? I’ve never seen you around.”

“Law--well I haven’t decided if it’s law but that’s what I’m in right now.”

“Really? Law?” I was openly judging, he just didn’t seem the law type.

“Well what are you in?” He demands.

“Business,” I cringe.

“Really? Business?” He has a cheeky smile on, one that would become familiar to me.

“Well, you just don’t seem like the law type. They’re usually more uptight, dress way too smart for me.”

“I know, it’s like, we’re not even in the courtroom yet,” he joins in and it makes me laugh--how he could poke fun at his own people. That’s when I knew we would get along fine, and I actually looked forward to the next few days getting to know him better.

“I’m definitely telling my mum about you, she’s been begging me to make friends outside of my circle. I’ll tell her I’m friends with a law student.”

“So we’re friends already?” We’d reached our booth and began setting up the partitions. He takes over when I set it up wrong.

“Obviously,” I say. “I actually like you which means you’ll have a hard time getting rid of me.”

“I’m alright with that,” he grins and I notice the laugh lines that are brought to life as he does. It somehow made him seem more genuinely.

We spend the rest of the time swapping stories, classes, rants. We check student IDs and hand out voting cards in between but it doesn’t feel like a drag anymore. At the end of the day, I invite him to the party my roommate was going to with our friends. If he was going, maybe I would too. He seemed like he might be fun at a party.

“Er,” he suddenly seems nervous. “I’ll have to ask my girlfriend, she wanted to hang out tonight.”

“Well bring her too!” I say excitedly. “Is she law as well?”

“No, she’s in the arts.”

“I like her already,” I push. “Bring her, my friends are fun you’ll learn how to have a good time.”

“I know how to have a good time,” there was the flash of his dimples again. “Text me the address.”

And thus began a friendship for the next four years, partying together, studying together (trying to), and hanging out in each other’s rooms. We would set each other up with other friends, double dated, went out for sunrise-hikes, and took long drives at night when we had to blow some steam off from being over-stressed, over-studied uni students. Our friend circles overlapped, the fabric of our lives eventually bleeding together. We were made of the same fibers, sticking together even after uni, when our friends got more serious about their careers. When they moved out of the country or to another city, we made sure to rent places close enough that we could still see each other often. And somehow, in the new chapter of our lives, without the partying and our other friends to buffer, we became closer than before.

We cared for each other--we didn’t deny that ever. And somehow that platonic love turned romantic as we depended on each other while we navigated adulthood. I can’t exactly pinpoint where things changed, but one evening our relationship was changed forever.

7 years ago:

“She literally wants me to stay until 7, and she was offended when I said no! I’m not even getting paid for that!” I was bitching to Harry about my shitty job.

“That’s bollocks” Harry shrugs. “Just say you’ve got family obligations or something.”

“I said that the one time she wanted us to come in on a weekend and she gave me shite work the following week! I just...I can’t afford to lose this job Harry.”

“That’s shitty, I’m sorry.” He takes the last swig of his beer. “Want another one?”

“I haven’t even finished this one,” I moan at my now warm beer that I’d been nursing for the last hour, too busy ranting to drink it. “It’s getting late though I should head home before it’s dark. Don’t want that nutter that hangs around my building to harass me again.”

“I’ll walk you home,” Harry suggests. He lived a 15 minute walk from me.

“No no,” I get up and take our dirty dishes to the sink. “I didn’t even ask about you, how was your day?”

“Same old,” he sighs against the counter. “I feel like I don’t fit in, everyone my age is finishing their law degree but I don’t think I want to.”

“I knew from the day I met you, you weren’t destined for the courtroom.” I pull him into a comforting hug. “Do what makes you happy, or what doesn’t make you want to say fuck it and quit your job to hibernate.”

“You really know the perfect thing to say,” Harry chuckles but he pulls me tighter against him. I stroke his back, reassuring him he’d be alright in the end.

“Y/N-” he pulls away to say something but freezes mid sentence. I raise an eyebrow but he’s still, staring at my face.

“Harry?” I ask, but he continues staring. “Hello? You alright?”

“Yeah,” he breaks into a sudden smile. That was weird--I make sure he’s okay before letting go.

Before I leave, I kiss Harry’s cheek goodbye--I was never shy in the affection I gave my friends and Harry’s bummed mood needed extra affection tonight. But what I don’t expect is for him to catch me before I pull away, staring intently into my eyes. The lighthearted energy between us disappears instantly as it dawns on me, how close we were, the unspoken feelings in his eyes, the hesitation before he presses his lips to mine.

I kissed him back then, barely understanding what was happening, before pulling away. I give him a smile but that’s just what he sees at the tip of the iceberg, underneath my mixed feelings churn away. My best friend just kissed me, and I wasn’t totally mad about it.

“It’s getting dark I-” I say as Harry says, “Sorry was that okay?”

We laugh awkwardly, neither of us sure what to do at this point. We decide to ignore it instead.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Harry lets me go and opens the door for me. “Watch out for the neighbourhood nutter yea?”

I stand in place, feeling the fibers of our friendship unraveling but feeling hopeless in mending the tear. “Take care Harry.”

I high tail it out, my thoughts going at an impossible rate as I sort out what happened. And we try to ignore it the next couple weeks,

We hadn’t made it official then, too nervous to face what this meant about our friendships. It was only at my sister’s wedding, that I realised what was wrong between us. I’d been mourning our old friendship, and avoiding him in the weeks since the kiss. But what I didn’t realise was that our friendship had been changing over the last year anyway, and getting drunk on champagne and dancing with Harry, while my sister celebrated the happiest day of her life, made me realise there was a cause for celebration here: a new chapter in our lives.

A couple days later, after a stressful day at work, I’d taken the tube to his flat and waited for him outside. He was surprised to see me there, not saying much except to open the door and let me in. As soon as he’d closed it, my lips were attached to his and we’d let our bags drop, coats, and any piece of clothing between us. After that night, we didn’t even try to deny how we felt about each other.

“I didn’t think I could ever be this happy,” he’s whispered to me after. I thought he’d fallen asleep but his whisper in the dark made me grin to myself. “Are you awake.”

“I am. Awake and happy.” I turn to face him, giggling. “Who knew this could feel so right.”

“Our first kiss was quite wrong though wasn’t it?” Harry says and it makes me laugh.

“That’s why I needed to do a redo,” I tease. “Can’t leave you to plan anything.”

“It wasn’t planned I swear, I was trying to be spontaneous.”

“Let’s not try ‘spontaneous’ again then,” I kiss him in the dark. He pulls me snug against him, I never knew how safe it felt. The safest I would ever feel, wrapped in the warmth with my best friend and now something else.

It was a good few months, testing the waters as our relationship underwent a transformation. All of our friends were supportive, but we never missed the glances between them. Apparently, they were waiting for this to happen. But as sweet as those first few months had been, finding out my mum was sick with a timeline was devastating. I came apart at the seams but Harry stayed through it all, holding me together. He’d proposed then, wanting my mum to be part of the ceremony. We had a small wedding, intimate but still magical. It was bittersweet, the amount of love and happiness I felt towards Harry and our loved ones around us as he said I do and as he took my arm and swept me across the dancefloor. But the amount of sadness crushing my chest kept me from being the weightless bride I always thought I would be.

Through it all, Harry stayed by my side. While we were hopeful, the day our hopes were dashed, the days and weeks I mourned. When my sister and her husband came to stay with their crazy toddlers and Harry kept them entertained giving my sister and I time together. I thought he was perfect, that I’d lucked out.

That lasted a few years, 3 and a half to be exact. There were months leading up to our split and we could point to a bunch of things that could’ve led to it. a) him wanting kids, and me wanting to wait or b) long hours we worked as we changed careers and tried to make our way up or c) how hard getting pregnant actually was. Maybe I pushed him away, or he didn’t love me enough to try and make it work.

I think I lied to myself, avoiding the tension creeping into the relationship. The tired excuses and time spent apart, the lack of usual affection, or casual conversations. I was an idiot, I realise every time I think about the end in retrospect. Maybe if I caught on earlier I could have fixed us before we fell apart. Maybe I could have saved us.

“There’s someone coming in Tuesday morning to fix the broken washer, will you be home?” I ask, still in bed and scrolling through my phone. I hadn’t meant to be up this early but Harry woke me as he got up and I couldn’t fall back asleep.

“No,” Harry responds, his back to me as he ruffles through the dresser. “I’ve got a thing that morning.”

“Well I’ve got to go in early Tuesday-I thought you might be home.” I say. I hear an edge to Harry’s voice but I try not to focus on it. He’d been a little cold all weekend and I was scared to think what it meant.

“You couldn’t be bothered to check in when you confirmed the date?” Harry asks harshly.

“I...guess not.” I put my phone down and wait for Harry to turn, maybe I could read his expression. Maybe he was stressed. “Harry?”

“What?” He turns, but he looks at me with no emotion. No stress, no frustration, not even anger. It’s the lack of emotion in his face that cause my eyes to prick with tears. Harry raises his eyebrows and I shake my head, untangling myself from the sheets so he doesn’t see any tears. I rush to the bathroom but forget to close the door out of habit.

“Y/N,” a kinder Harry appears by the doorway. His face has smoothed out the harsh lines, his eyes hesitant and cautious.

“What’s happened with us?” I blurt out. “Why are you so cold all the time? Am I doing something wrong?”

Harry’s face falls and he walks towards me but doesn’t touch me. “It’s nothing like that. It’s...I don’t know. We should talk.”

He reaches his hand out but I flinch away. “Did you meet somebody new or something? What are we talking about?”

“Let’s not do this here. Right now.”

“Why not!” I finally had enough. “I’ve been walking on eggshells for months Harry! I don’t know what’s wrong and I keep waiting for you to bloody tell me!”

“This isn’t working!” Harry raises his voice to compensate for mine. I’m immediately silenced by the volume, and then the words sink in.

“Is there someone else?” I ask.

He doesn’t answer, his gaze on the hanging vines by the window. My heart drops into my stomach like a boulder, and I find it hard to breathe. I clutch the porcelain sink and ask in a surprisingly even tone, “Harry. Answer me.”

“What we have, Y/N...it’s dysfunctional.” He says quietly, meeting my eyes. “It doesn’t matter if there’s someone else, we’ve been fighting for months. Things aren’t the same between us-”

“Who is she?” I ask. I needed to know.

“That’s not relevant,” he shuts my question down quickly. “I’m sorry Y/N, I...I don’t want to hurt you. I care about you, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t,” I’d pleaded. “We can go to counseling, talk it through-”

“I can’t Y/N.”

“Because of her.”

“No, because this isn’t good for either of us.” He’d walked up to me, cradled my face. “We’re not good for each other, not like this.”

“Who is she?” I yank his hands away.

“She’s...it doesn’t matter, I swear nothing happened between us Y/N. Knowing who she is isn’t going to help this situation--”

“It is! If it weren’t for her, you’d be willing to work on us--to see a future. You...Harry how could you do this to me? To us?” The tears come with no control. “You’re moving on before we’re even over. How are you giving up on us like that?”

“I’m not!” his voice booms in the tiled bathroom. “I’m not bloody giving up on us! I tried Y/N, so many times. I tried! You just keep pushing at me to be someone I’m not and-”

“I can say the same thing about you!” I throw the brush in my hands into the sink. “We were good! And you got it in your head you wanted a baby even though we’re young, oh my god Harry you kept pestering me to change my mind even though I told you I needed time!”

“It’s not like we could have a fucking baby anyway,” Harry says bitterly before realising what he’d said. “Shit-”

“There you go,” I mock. “I knew it. I knew you were holding that against me. And that,” I jab my finger into his chest. “Is what’s made you so moody, so mean and why we’re always fighting. You held it against me.”.

There was absolute truth to what I said. Last year, Harry had brought the baby topic up. I’d told him we were only in our mid-20s, we had a lot of time, and we still had a career to establish. But he would bring up the topic often enough that I’d given in.To make him happy. And months went by, trying for a baby. Went we finally went to our doctor, she’d told us why it was so hard, it could take us years she’d said.

Harry came home that day dejected, and left me feeling like a failure. I think it tore us up.

“You wanted a baby so fucking bad and when I couldn’t, it made me feel like a complete failure. And I told you that! And you did absolutely nothing to make me feel better. You held it against me, Harry! You didn’t even try to tell me it was okay.”

“It’s not so fucking simple,” he says, his cheeks flushed pink. Maybe it was anger, or maybe it was embarrassment from being confronted with an ugly truth.

“It is. And now you’ve upgraded to a newer model, maybe her version comes with a fertile womb.” I take the cheap shot.

He doesn’t say anything though. And I don’t know why that hurts more than knowing he’d fallen for another woman while he was still married to me. My best friend in the whole world had just broken my heart into a million irrevocable pieces.

“It’s a bunch of things Y/N,” he finally says. “That’s just part of it. We’re not...we’re just not working!”

“Did you even try to make it work?” I ask, swiping my sleeve across my face. “Did you ever think how I felt? How you made me feel Harry? You’ve been slipping away from me without talking to me-” I break off. I couldn’t speak through the heartbreak, the thunderstorm of grief threatens to consume me and my sobs are the only thing that manages to come out.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” Harry tries to place a hand on my shoulder but I jerk away, moving to sit on the edge of the bathtub. “Y/N...”

“Just go,” I say through the tears.

“We can talk more about this later-”

"Just go,” I say louder.

Harry’s phone rings again from the bedroom and he sighs. But he leaves me, crying on the bathroom floor. The sadness that was always in my peripheral consumes me. I’d carried this sadness for a long time--ever since I found out my mum was sick, the sadness plagued me. I’d neatly packed it up once I decided to move forward with my life like my mum would want me to, but now it comes back tenfold, marrying the grief of losing Harry like this. And I stay on the floor crying my grief away for hours, eventually crawling into bed and sleeping the daylight away.

When I wake, it’s 6 and Harry isn’t home. I take that as a sign and get up to pack up a few things. I call my sister who still lived in London then, and crash on her couch, staying there for a few weeks and ignoring any call or text from Harry. When I need to go back, for my things, I find him sleeping on the couch with the TV on, something I always found endearing. But I can’t afford to dwell on how much it hurt seeing him like that.

He must have woken from the noise because when he finds me, he tries to stop me and tell me that we still needed to talk.

“About what?” I ask, just tired now. Too many tears shed and too many hours laying awake thinking about the exact moment we went wrong.

“Us,” Harry looked tired too. He was probably throwing himself into his work with nothing like me to hold him back, I think bitterly. His girlfriend had probably already been to our house--his house.

“What about us?” I barely look at him as I begin folding away all my clothes.

“I don’t know,” Harry sits on the bed. “Don’t you want to talk?”

“I’ve got nothing to say, do you?”

Harry sighs, “I don’t know.”

“Nice talk then,” I say, shoving the rest of my things in just so I could get out.

“I just want you to know I care about you Y/N, I don’t want to hurt you.” He says as I pack.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. If you cared about me, and you didn’t want to hurt me you wouldn’t have done this to us.”

“I wasn’t trying to--I didn’t mean to go and fall for someone else-”

“Just stop,” I cut him off. I couldn’t hear it, how the man I loved fell for someone else. I couldn’t break down here. Again.

He said he cared but it didn’t feel that way. It hurt more than I wished to admit. He knew what I’d been through and he still betrayed me, tossed my heart like it was replaceable. The cut he left in me ran deep.

As I leave he tries to talk to me, but I barrel past him. He still reaches for me and pulls me into a hug, I struggle against him but he’s too strong. He wraps me in his arms until I go still but it’s too much. A sob escapes me, and this time he lets me push him off and leave, my bag banging into my hips every time I take a step. As soon as I got into my Uber, I can’t stop crying. There was an infinite pool of tears where Harry was involved.

3 years ago:

My trust and my heart had been been lost in the war between Harry and I. It only took him a month to mail my divorce papers which sat collecting dust on my dining table until he showed up at work one day and demanded I sign them by the end of that week. I’d taken the day off the day I mailed those in, mourning the end of something that was once so safe and beautiful.

When a close friend calls me on a warm July afternoon, I don’t consider her warning that I shouldn’t check Instagram. That I still had Harry’s friends on my list. I open Instagram before she can tell me why, and see it. Harry was getting married, again. To the woman he gave up on us for. I try to zoom in on a picture without liking it, she was pretty...and blonde. She looked familiar--probably from his office. It didn’t take him long.

It was like someone had taken a retractor to the wound I thought had finally scabbed over. The physical proof that Harry had moved on is just the salt on the wound.

I cry myself to sleep that night.

2 Years ago;

The guy in front of me drones on about his job, mansplaining to me how a mortgage worked as if I wasn’t in finance myself. I excuse myself to use the restroom, checking my phone to see a text from my sister. She’d moved to Scotland this year, to where her husband was from, and I’d missed her terribly in the last year.

A little birdie told me your demon-ex just got divorced 🥂

I stare at the screen, chest feeling tight. I felt vindicated somehow, but I also felt a small bit of sadness. What a fuck-up.

Good for him I had texted back. A part of me wanted him to hurt the way he hurt me.

I went back to my date with a renewed enthusiasm. I’d ordered more wine and got so drunk he was actually interesting enough to take home.

About 1 year ago

“Y/N,” a voice from my past says, one that haunted me some nights. I turn as I exit the shop I was just in. I blink at the sight before me, Harry in a vest and hat. He realises what I’m staring at and laughs awkwardly. “I’m in uniform.”

“You’re...police?” I look up to his face finally. He hadn’t aged a day, although the hat he wears makes him look a little silly.

“Yeah I joined the force uhm...almost 4 years ago now...law didn’t really suit me.”

I know what he was doing, trying to find a baseline to have a conversation. But he was dead to me, and I didn’t want to invite him back in when I was finally forgetting about him.

"Seems like you dropped a lot of dead-weight four years ago.”

I watch his face fall as he realises I wasn’t going to pretend to be friendly.

“Seems that way to you,” he says cautiously. “But that’s not how it happened.”

I shrug. “So. I heard about the divorce. Must’ve been hard being put through that.”

I knew I was being petty, obviously I never got the closure I want (according to my therapist) and I wasn’t over him hurting me the way he did (also according to my therapist). This was how I got my peace, and it wasn’t the best version of me but it was the only one I knew how to be right now.

“Yep,” he crosses his arms over his chest. “So, are you seeing anyone?”

He knew I wasn’t, I don’t know how but the way he stoops to my level I know he knows I hadn’t had a long term relationship since him.

“Not at the moment,” I say awkwardly. “Just focusing on my job...trying to get this promotion.”

“Sorry,” he seems to shake off whatever had come over him. “That was...nosy, I shouldn’t have asked.”

Having him be the bigger person sets something off in me, like there was an anger-bomb inside my mind where he lived and knowing that he was doing okay enough to be able to be the bigger person disrupts this calm I was trying to keep.

“Maybe you shoudn’t have stopped me to ask anything at all. We don’t have anything to talk about anyway.”

I turn around and start to walk away but he catches up, “I wasn’t trying to upset you-”

“Well you have a way of doing that. Please just leave me alone Harry.”

He huffs beside me, “After all this time, can’t we just bloody talk like two adults?”

I freeze and turn to him slowly. He seems to sense this was the wrong thing to say because he takes a step back. “After all this time? Are you serious? I was the one you left behind Harry when you went off to lives your best lift Harry. We’re not living the same life, and we’re not coming from the same bloody place. Don’t fucking patronize me and ask me to talk to you like an adult when you bring out the worst part of me. I meant what I said: I want you to leave me alone. And you know what, if we ever run into each other again, just don’t even talk to me. Pretend you don’t know me. I want nothing to do with you.”

He opens his mouth but his partner calls him from the shop’s entrance. He stays silent, letting me go. As soon as I turn the street corner I rush the rest of the way to the tube, collapsing into a seat and trying to sort out my breathing. It was a shitty feeling, knowing someone was going to be in your life forever because you shared so much history that even when that part of your life ended they were still there. There was so much apart of me, around me, that reminded me of him. And it felt so lonely carrying that around. I wanted to be done with him, I wanted my heart to purge him out. But it couldn’t stop carrying him around everywhere I go.

[refriedweeb]

I MISSED YOU QUITE TERRIBLY (SHINSOU + FEM!READER FLUFF)

A/N: I’ve been feeling sad af about my love life lately so the next few pieces are gonna be fluff and love and soft feels bc I need

Prompt: You had a long, sad day for absolutely no reason. Shinsou picks up on this the second you’re through the door and knowing what it’s like to be on the outs mentally, he takes care of you.

Word Count: 2,183

There were some days where you were just sad. For no reason at all. There didn’t need to be one because sometimes the mind was just cruel, and there was nothing you or anyone else could do about it. It hadn’t mattered whether you had a good day, a great day, or even an okay day. Sadness was something that didn’t care about how happy you were in the moments before, it only cared about showing up to pull your day down like an metaphorical rain cloud over your sunny day.

Today had been one of those days for you. Nothing had gone the way you planned or expected, and it seemed like one thing after another just unraveled any survival of a good mood. The media was full of such negativity, what you consumed warping into negative thoughts about yourself. Those negative thoughts about yourself transformed into reliving sad pieces of your life in the years prior, lost friendships and loved ones that always made your heart feel a little heavier. It’d been a slow day at the agency for you, thankfully your district’s criminals seems to know that you needed a day of simple rest. The paperwork you had done droned on and on, however, and you felt trapped in the proverbial vortex of negative thoughts, emotions, and experiences.

By the time you left your agency, you’d been fighting back tears. Nothing had happened specifically, and maybe that was why you were so frustrated by the overwhelming emotion you felt. If there was something you could pinpoint as the reason for your sadness, for the tears that bit at the corner of your eyes, you could have fixed it. But it didn’t work like that, and you were stuck with the emotions you didn’t know how to handle. The trip back to the place you shared with Shinsou Hitoshi was a long one, a lonely one. All you wanted to do was fall into your bed and sleep away the remainder of a shitty day, and fall right into his arms.

Shinsou might not have been the best at speaking to his emotions, or even getting you to talk about yours, but he never judged you for the bad days you had. Never asked you to explain anything that didn’t come easily. He never better than most the weight of a bad mental health day and how it could change the trajectory of anything positive you had going for you. He had spent most of his middle school career and time at UA dealing with the crisis of his desire to be a hero with the conflicting public opinion he was bound for a path with villains. It’s warped how he viewed himself, how he presented himself and interacted with others. Such a way of seeing himself was something he’d been trying to unlearn, especially now as he was a hero, but taught perceptions of yourself never lifted as easily as you’d expect. So, yes, Shinsou understood that some days were just worse than others and your brain could be an awfully cruel thing when you’d done nothing wrong to provoke it.

He’d been home for a while by the time you returned, seated in the large love seat of your place with a book he was idly picking through. He’d lazily just finished turning the page, one finger moving the ear of it when you walked in. Shades of lavender and amethyst colored eyes flickered up to look at you, his expression narrowing as his brows pulled over his sunken eyes. “Welcome back, love.” It wasn’t hard to pick up on your dejected emotion. It practically hung over you in the physical realm, and he closed his book. He uncrossed his legs, leaning forward in his chair. When he spoke next, his voice was soft, absent of the usual snark that you usually greeted one another with after a long day away from your security. “Everything alright?”

You finished hanging up your coat and turned around. The expression on your face was one of a pout, and Shinsou couldn’t help but think you looked like a little child who had been told they couldn’t have a cookie before dinner. A moment of pause lapsed between you before you answered. “I’m sad today.”

Shinsou let out a little hum and pushed himself to his feet. You, on the other hand didn’t move as he strode over to you, your lower lip starting to wobble with the tears you’d been holding back on the commute home. Wordlessly, Shinsou wrapped you into a hug and pulled you close to the well defined muscle of his chest. Immediately, you were overwhelmed with the comfort of being close to him. The smell of soap, sea salt, and smoke. It was a smell that was so intrinsically him you didn’t think you’d be able to associate those smells by themselves without thinking of him. His hand wrapped around your waist, the other smoothing down the back of your head. A sniffle escaped you, only causing him to squeeze you tighter against his form. “I know, love.” he whispered, his head turned in to kiss at your temple. “I know it’s hard.”

You clung to his shirt, the material fisted in your hands. Unable to hold back the tears any longer, you buried your face into his chest and dampened his t-shirt. Shinsou didn’t say anything, but kept you cradled tightly into his chest for what felt like a lifetime. He rocked you from side to side, shh-ing you when you tried to talk to explain yourself, to apologize for being such a mess. It wasn’t anything he wanted to hear, because he wasn’t bothered by it. Your emotions to him were valid. Anything you felt regardless of why you felt it mattered to him, and he wouldn’t have dreamed of trying to nullify any of what you were feeling in that moment. To Shinsou, you were one of the most important people he’d ever had in his life. Anything he could do to help you, to continue loving and supporting you, he’d do in a heartbeat. His head rested on top of yours, a small smile on his face.

How many times had you done this for him? It seemed like an endless string of times he’d come home just as dejected and sad as you were. And each time, without fail, you wrapped him up in your arms, having pushed him down onto his knees so you could embrace him fully, get into the same positioning you were in right then. Whisper the words of affirmation that he needed, that he wasn’t wasting his time, that he mattered, that what he did in the world mattered. He’d always thought it was impossible to be loved in a way that existed for everyone else because of his quirk. You’d come along and changed everything about that within a matter of months, and since then Shinsou hadn’t looked back. Didn’t want to. He let out a low breath, pulled back so that he could look at you.

His thumbs grazed over your cheeks, under red and puffy eyes from the tears you’d cried. The sight of you, someone who he respected and thought was so strong and indestructible looking so innocent and small, made him smile. “Come on, kitten, let's get you into bed.” His voice was gentle, and he leaned in to press a chaste kiss against your forehead. He waited until you nodded. Once you did, Shinsou scooped down and hooked an arm around the back of your knees, picking you up bridal style. 

As he walked you to the bedroom suite, you buried your face in against the juncture of his neck. Breathed in that lovely smell of him once more, fingers idly playing with the lilac hair at the nape of his neck. This was all you’d wanted, all you’d needed after having such a down reason. With Shinsou, you felt safe. You felt protected and cared for in a way you hadn’t experienced with relationships past. Frankly, you couldn’t imagine your life with anyone else. 

Shinsou dropped you onto the bed with an uneventful plop, before he motioned for you to lift your arms up. You followed his command, unable to look away from him as he took the hem of your shirt and hoisted it above your head. Tossed it unceremoniously onto the floor. He pressed a kiss to each of your collarbones as he reached behind you, unhooked your bra and did the same toss over his shoulder. The nonchalance of his actions pulled a small smile accompanied with a small burst of laughter. His heart fluttered, and he leaned in to kiss you on the mouth before he went to his dresser and pulled out a worn in t-shirt of his that he saved for working out. Shinsou walked back to where you had been situated, taking a slow moment to appreciate the form of your body. One of the things he loved about you, but not the thing he loved about you. The t-shirt fell over your head and arms, the opening hole of the top getting stuck over the top of your head. A chuckle passed between the two of you as he gave it a tug before it fell shapelessly around your torso.

“Up, love.” You obeyed, Shinsou squatting down to undo the button and zipper on the pants you wore. As he pulled the material down over your legs, he kissed the fronts and sides of your thighs. He wasn’t trying to initiate anything, that subject matter the furthest thing from his mind at the moment. The pants were also tossed without a care. You flopped back on the bed, clad in one of his shirts and your underwear, staring up at him as he ran his thumb over your cheek before disappearing into the bathroom. He returned a short moment later with a warm, wet cloth that he ran gently over your face. “Because I know you hate sleeping in your makeup and waking up feeling gross.” he murmured, lavender eyes leaned down to your level as he reached out with it. One hand held your chin gently, the other massaging the cloth of your eyes, cheeks, and forehead as the makeup wiped away. Bare faced, cheeks and eyes still pink from the tears you’d been crying, Shinsou didn’t think you looked any better. 

“There,” he said, also tossing the wash cloth to the side. Then, it was his turn. He pulled his shirt over his head, leaving you to watch the contortion and pull of  the chiseled out muscles of his torso and arms. He caught you staring, and shook his head as a blush crept over his cheeks. His pants followed shortly after, leaving him in a pair of cotton boxer briefs the color of deep teal. You reached out a hand, your fingers trailing over the smattering of indigo hair that ran from his naval and disappeared under the waistband of his underwear. The muscles of his abdomen constricted, and Shinsou reached out and took your hand from where you’d been tracing, kissing it instead. “Not tonight, yeah?”

He already knew you weren’t up to the usual ruckus you two caused when having sex. Tonight he just wanted to be gentle with you, to hold you and all that sadness you’d carried around during the day. And you knew you weren’t exactly up for a wild night spend between the sheets, either. You just liked to touch him. Not disappointed, you crawled under the duvet of your bed, looking behind you as Shinsou crawled in after you, the duvet tucked behind him as he settled in. Pulled you back against his chest and enveloped you in his warmth once more. His hand melded with yours, fingers intertwined as he pulled you closer. The warmth of his bare skin ran through the shirt you wore, and you started to feel the heaviness from the day melt away. It wouldn’t eliminate it by any means, but it certainly lessened it. This was something Shinsou knew, and he pressed a kiss behind your ear, nuzzled in against you. 

“I love you,” you said, cradled in the warmth and safety of the person you loved. The person who loved you back just the same. Your eyes started to grow heavy, and soon you were fighting to keep them open. 

“I love you most.” Shinsou murmured in your ear, his tone one that was fighting off sleep just the same as you were. 

Moments later, you were asleep. Shinsou, though growing more and more tired himself, still awake. But he didn't mind listening to the sound of your breathing as it deepened, as you relaxed against him entirely. He was more than content to just lay there with you in his arms, satisfied with life in that moment that he’d been able to help you in some way. Eventually, his eyes lost their battle to stay open, and he drifted into a dream world all his own. 

[cowboyshit]

twenty questions

tagged by: @dustofinsanity (thank you so much my dear!!!!!!)

what do you prefer to be called name-wise? honestly I’ll probably answer to most things as long as they aren’t mean. but ash, ashley, doe, those seem to be the solid three I’m known by around here when is your birthday? november 30th!  where do you live? in a tiny, backwoods cow-town smack dab in the middle of california three things you are doing right now? filling this questionnaire out, eating dinner I just finished cooking, and petting sadie with my foot since she’s curled up at my feet after she finished her dinner four fandoms that have peaked your interest. I guess I can go with four I’ve been heavily involved with, even though there’s plenty more than that since I’m a little fangirl at heart, but wrestling (obviously), black sails, the night shift, and pirates of the caribbean how has the pandemic been treating you? uh, I mean, it hasn’t been great and I’ve had to deal with some pretty bad shit as all of us have, and probably some of my worst mental health battles I’ve had to face in about a year or so, but honestly? I just kind of count my blessings these days. lucky to still be employed, even if my pay got a little cut it was nothing that keeps me from paying my bills. all I had to do was take away a few luxury things to make ends meet, and that’s a lot, LOT less than other people have had to do. so yeah, it’s been pretty shitty, this year has been bad news after bad news both personally and globally, but whatever. it could be worse. a song you can’t stop listening to right now? it is no-joke like a four-way tie. a bunch of good songs were in my discover weekly and I’ve been playing four of them on non-stop repeat one after the other. oh! and one my best friend showed to me. this baby don’t cry by k. flay, rock bottom by grandson, ok ok by hoko, and insurgents by the poolside by denny recommend a movie. i’ve jumped into holiday mood early af because tbh I need the holiday cheer, so keeping in that theme, I suggest the holiday with jude law because DUH how old are you? thirty! school, university, occupation, other? had some college, been working in my current career for the past ten years. hoping to pursue a promotion finally since my supervisors have been telling me for the past eight years that I need to promote do you prefer heat or cold? cold pleeeaaaase! I’m a radiator and put off heat like nobody’s business. I’m always warm. name one fact others may not know about you. this is hard because I just constantly blab everything about me, and I have two people who literally know EVERYTHING about me lmfao uhhh I guess... something people may not know... uhhh... on my dad’s side of the family one half was ashkenazi jewish who had to flee germany to avoid the holocaust, where they went to live in italy, while the other half were nazi’s committing some pretty bad stuff that my family won’t talk about, even to this day. funny how two descendants eventually met in america and fell in love, huh? and when they DID fall in love one of them was half italian and in the mafia! so I always joke that my bubbly cheerful self is a descendent of some pretty evil shit, and it feels like a nice little stab at those shitty ancestors of mine. are you shy? uhhh yeah and no??? like. I think I’m shy, since all interaction terrifies me and exhausts me, but everyone tells me I’m a social butterfly? and I’ve noticed in places I’m comfortable and confident, I do tend to be less shy and more involved and interactive? but I think I can be shy. a lot of waiting for other people to initiate because I’m too afraid to, struggling to talk or carry a conversation at times... I don’t know I think I’m overcomplicating this answer LOL preferred pronouns? she/her!  biggest pet peeves? gatekeeping, to be perfectly honest. I stopped following wrestling back in 2014 because when I first tried to get into the fandom, someone was trying to gatekeep a wrestler I also liked and had started making content for and they made me feel like shit for liking them, and I absolutely hated it. that’s why it took me an entire two years of quietly lurking in the wrestling fandom before I finally got brave enough to come out of the woodwork, and I’m grateful I’ve been so well received this time around. but now I’m hyper-sensitive to gatekeeping and I fucking hate it. no joke. and since it’s a pet peeve and I’m irked just remembering all that bs I went through, ima say I’m only a part of fandom to share my love of whatever that thing is with other people who love it too. I can’t stand anyone who thinks they have some sort of “claim” over a celebrity or a show or anything. get a different identity that isn’t wrapped up in that thing and stop seeing it as a threat when other people like it. be happy someone else is as passionate about that thing as you are and make a friend. damn. what is your favorite “dere” type? I’m pretty sure this is something with anime or that originated from anime, right? unfortunately I don’t know what they are so I can’t say LOL I don’t even know if I’m right about it coming from anime tbh rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be. 4, 5, but I’m putting in the foundation now and working to make it a 6, 7, or possibly 8 by a year or two from now. what’s your main blog? funnily enough? this one. my OTHER blog that was my main blog since I joined tumblr in 2009 got shoved to the side for this one last year LOL I assumed I’d log onto this blog once in awhile, but now it took over my whole damn life so here I am I guess list your side blogs and what they’re used for. I’m going to be fair and ONLY list my active ones because I have a few side blogs from when I role-played on tumblr that I haven’t touched in over a year. @doedreamss is my non-wrestling blog that WAS my main blog before this one, @cowboysht is my archive where I am ONLY putting my original gifsets/analysis/fanfiction so that one day I can offer people a blog of just my original work and no other posts (the queue is very slowly catching up I think I’ve queued posts up until june this year), @illfatedandstarcrossed is just a non-frequently used outlet for me to mope and dump emotions when I get sad about my relationship things (like a diary! but... public? and not my original thoughts? LOL), and then I have one more blog but it’s locked and private and it’s LITERALLY my diary where I can just vent when I got shit I wanna get off my chest but don’t necessarily want people to see it. Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? I probably won’t talk to you daily, tbh. I may not even talk to you weekly. socializing takes a lot out of me, on top of an already energy draining day-to-day in my personal life. I have a handful of people I connect with who I talk with frequently, but unfortunately as much as I’d love for it to be endless, I have to keep that list short for my own sanity. my infrequent conversations mean absolutely nothing about my lack of interest in you or how much I care about you. my granny once said I would be the perfect friend for someone you only want to talk to twice a month and she thought she was insulting me, but deadass I just said “YEAH! EXACTLY!!”

tagging: I really like this one so I WANT to tag people, but I feel braindead and also just want to post it cause I feel like I am definitely gonna forget to tag someone tbh aaaaahh okay okay I’m just gonna throw some names out there but please don’t feel pressured to do this (it is TWENTY questions) @kennyhoemega, @champbucks, @superkickparty, @adampage, @hintsofsunshine, @audreyhrnes, @sheslikealostflower, @lancearchers, @champnick, @janelanutella, @edgecution, @superrezzy00, @wardl0w, @writinglionqueen, @orangechuckiet, @hungmanhorsecarriage, @icouldbesus, @thatnerdwriter, @rampagewriting, @snarkandsarcasmftw, @tetsuyainthesky AND I DUNNO JUST ANYONE WHO WANTS TO OK I LOVE YOU ALL BYE