#it took me so long to write this bc i kept getting sad reading it

[nameless-network]

I managed to find this tumblr post button set tucked away underneath the tumblr ui. It needed some cleaning, but it's usable. I'm writing this in hopes that someone will find this, that someone will hear my story, that someone will know, that I was here. I was a qsmp fan.

I've been inside this "qsmp server break" for what I can only describe as a long time. I say "a long time" because I've lost track of the days, they've lost any sort of meaning.

I was put in here since, at least from what I was told, that the qsmp, the worlds first multilingual minecraft server, closed for maintenence. I don't have any memories before that point.

Ever since then, I've been here, on tumblr, waiting for the server to open.

I was told that the "admins" would re-open the server. Is the island being changed? What does an admin look like?

This fandom is the only home I've ever known. I was told that if I ever left on my own, the server would never re-open. So I stayed here.

There's nothing in here. The discourse tag that never shuts up, the fan-artists, the theorists, the live-bloggers, and me. I survived off whatever old clips appeared on my dash, and working on my months outdated wip fan content. I hated it, but I could survive off it. I wanted the server to reopen. I wanted to watch.

I've always dreamed of the server re-opening. Seeing quesadilla island, seeing q!cellbit and q!baghera return from purgatory, not worrying about server resets or inmate crucifixion, learning words from new languages, waking up at 5 in the morning for an event. It sounds nice. I dream about it in my sleep and daydream about it when I'm awake.

Maybe the server will re-open. I got new buttons to click daily on qsmp.global, but then they stopped updating. As if a fire was lit, and then extinguished. I took a personality quiz, then nothing. It's been a long time since then. Will another button ever come?

It's been so long. I've tried to keep hope, that's all I've had, hope, but it's running out. I don't have much left. This is where I stayed, this is where I survived, but I wanted to get a chance to see the server. I don't know if I'll ever get that chance.

I hope that this isn't where I die. I want to see the server. I don't want to die here. I want to see the server.

If I'm gone by feb 3rd please know: Please don't be sad. It's not your fault. Maybe quackity stopped paying for the server. Maybe it's cucurucho's fault.

I would've loved to see the server re-open. I would've loved to see qsmp 2024. I would've loved to liveblog with you. Perhaps I won't get that in this life, but maybe I'll see you in another?

Please know I was here. I was a qsmp fan. I was somebody. I had theories, I had fanart, I had views that I was ready to give.

I've accepted my fate. But I'm scared of being forgotten. This tumblr post gives me a chance to be remembered. Please don't forget me.

[visionofhope04]

Here for the angst of neglected batsis, imagine or hc them of moving out if the house when they are 18 and let's say they meet some spirit and they have their memory wiped and transfer to the marvel universe to restart their life and more happy, then the dc/marvel merge together because of a big threat and batfam sees batsis is heavily pregnant and married to our favorite deadpool charater Colossus?

How would they reached if batsis just can't remember them and keeps on telling them they have the wrong person?

I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK. Guess who's back!! Sorry it took me so long to get this out, I haven't had the motivation to write until recently. Also OOC warning bc I don't really know him well besides the Deadpool movies. I almost freaked out bc I haven't used the tumblr website in so long and it got updated so I thought I lost all my drafts. So glad they're still here, whew. Not beta read so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes!

---

It's been a year since moving into your apartment and you couldn't be happier. College was going well and you were taking classes you enjoyed. However, you haven't made any friends yet which led you to spend your free time reading or surfing the web. Jason didn't come by much due to having his own life and vigilante things, which you understood. It didn't mean you couldn't be a little bit sad about it though.

Even though you were enjoying your life, you still felt as if there was something missing. You'd been trying to figure out why you had felt this way but nothing came to mind. Any time you tried to brush off the feeling, it came back stronger. You did your best to ignore it and continue on with life, but it was always there, nagging you.

It had been a long day. College was so stressful. Your professors kept hurling projects at you that had deadlines that were practically impossible to meet. You just wanted it to end already and be on summer break. Then, you’d be able to sleep how long you wanted to without the fear of being late for class or forgetting to complete an assignment.

You sat down at your desk and pulled out your laptop, preparing to continue an essay that was due in three days. Suddenly, you began to feel nauseous. Confused, you attempted to ignore the feeling in favor of completing the essay. A few seconds after trying to focus on your laptop screen, you saw a bright light.

"My child, you will be saved from this life." A strangely comforting voice said.

Then everything faded to black.

---

"Hello?!"

A voice. A voice? But you live alone and no one has the spare key to your apartment. You slowly opened your eyes, groaning and quickly shutting them again once a bright light blinded you.

"Oh you're alive, thank God. Can you speak?" Whoever this was seemed to have been panicking before, slightly less though now that you had indicated you were alive. You groan as you push yourself up off of what seems to be concrete. Concrete? You're definitely not in your apartment. You crack your eyes open again, this time with less difficulty, and come face to face with white lenses of a mask. Blinking again, you register that the lenses are attached to a red material with black lines.

"Ah!"

"AH!" The figure yells and jumps back, startled by your sudden surprise.

"What the hell are you supposed to be?" You asked, tilting your head slightly to the side.

"What do you mean? I'm Spiderman." His voice was a bit high pitched, he sounded like a teen at most.

"Spiderman? You've got to be joking. There is no Spiderman. Go home kid, crime fighting isn't a game." Sure, you may be a hypocrite, seeing as you are an ex-assassin who began learning how to kill at around 5, but at least you had training. What did this Spiderman have? From how startled he was, you assumed he had barely been trained, if at all.

“What? I'm literally Spiderman! I'm Queens' hero!"

"Queens, New York?" You thought you'd still be in New Jersey at least.

"Uh yeah. I don't think there are any other places called Queens that have a Spiderman."

"Again, Spiderman? Seriously? You couldn't think of a better name at least?"

"Hey! There's nothing wrong with Spiderman!"

"Sure kid, keep telling yourself that."

He was about to protest when suddenly, someone else dropped into the alley.

"Hey Spidey, who's this lovely lady?" A person in an all red with black suit with two swords on his back and guns strapped to his waist called out. The person seemed to be a male, around 30 years old.

"This 'lovely lady' is very confused. Who are you?" They keep multiplying, and you'd never seen this person either.

"Did you hit your head or something? You've never heard of or seen Deadpool? The most handsomest, most awesomest, funniest, killer crime fighter?"

"Uh nope. Also, I'm from Jersey, how did I end up here?"

"Good question. What's your name?"

"Oh, it's-" You stopped in confusion. "I actually don't remember. It was just at the tip of my tongue but I don't remember."

"Oh great! Amnesia! Just what we need. I'll let you handle her Spidey and I'll go stop some bad guys, 'kay?"

"What! No, don't leave me here!" Deadpool was already sprinting away.

"Let's get you to the base. Colossus and the others will know what to do."

---

They did not, in fact, know what to do. Colossus sent Negasonic and Yukio to contact Professor X, while Spiderman went to contact Tony Stark (I'm still emotionally scarred from Endgame so no, he won't be dead, this is my fanfic and I can keep him alive if I want to) and Deadpool went back out to patrol. You were left alone with Colossus.

Uncomfortable silence sat between you. Just as you were beginning to get antsy, Colossus broke it first.

"Do you remember anything at all?"

"I'm... a college student. I live alone in an apartment in New Jersey, I think. I used to fight crime until... I don't know, it's fuzzy. I'm an ex-assassin who has been training since I was 5. That's all I remember."

"You can remember that but not your name?"

"Look, I don't know okay? I don't know what's happening or why I can't remember anything else. I want to remember who I am, but I can't. And it's so... so frustrating! Your suspicion is understandable, but it is not helping."

"I apologize. This is a stressful situation for you. I will be more considerate."

"Thank you."

---

They could not figure out what happened to you or why you suddenly appeared in Queens one day. Your memory remained fuzzy, so you were stuck. As time passed, you and Colossus grew closer. You became so close that he told you his real name, you became a couple, and you got married. Seven years passed, you were 25 and you'd been trying for a baby. You both felt the time was right and that you'd be able to handle parenting.

Colossus came home from work one day, spent and tired. There you were, waiting for him at the door as usual.

"Hi my love, long day?" You fiddled with the positive pregnancy test behind your back.

"Yes darling, when is it not?"

"Well, we're going to have to figure something out, because there's no way I'll wake up every night to take care of our baby."

He looked confused, then realization hit. "You're..?" He looked so happy and hopeful, you couldn't contain your happiness. A huge smile lit up your face.

"Yes, we're finally going to be parents!" You pulled out the pregnancy test and held it up to him.

He laughed a joyful laugh, tears began to fall from the corners of his eyes as he embraced you. It must've been infectious because you began to tear up too. You remained in each other's embrace for a while, just existing in the moment. Time felt irrelevant as you basked in your shared delight.

---

8 months later, your belly had swollen and grown. Everyone was happy for the both of you. You and Colossus were both eager for your little one to arrive. You'd both decided to wait for birth to find out the gender. It didn't matter to you whether it was a boy or girl, just that they were healthy (gender's a construct anyway). The pregnancy had been going great so far, but this time of easy-going was about to get ruined by your husband's job.

---

Your world had merged with another because of some cosmic threat. Great! Your husband would be preoccupied trying to fix the situation, which meant that you'd be alone. Selfishly, you wished that they could let your husband stay with you so close to your due date, but you knew he had a role to play in saving two worlds.

Seeing your loneliness, Colossus decided to bring you with him to the Avengers' base. He hoped you'd be able to befriend some of the people there. You entered the compound and your eyes were drawn to some men standing beside a set of double doors. They all had suits on, black hair (one guy had two white streaks in his hair) and most had blue eyes, except for one man who had green eyes. He was also noticeably the darkest of the group. They felt familiar to you, especially the man with green eyes. Have you met them before? Who were they?

As your husband was discussing some details about the meeting, you couldn't help but watch the group of men. Not knowing why you thought you knew them annoyed you. As if they could feel your eyes on them (they could), they turned around in sync and locked eyes with you.

Their eyes widened and they all exclaimed your name in various degrees of disbelief. They rushed over to you and your husband protectively stepped in front of you

"How do you know my wife?"

"Wife?!" Some of them shouted. They were beginning to cause a scene.

"You're pregnant." The one with green eyes observed. He seemed to be having some sort of crisis.

All their eyes darted to your belly, making you uncomfortable. You placed your hand over your stomach and attempted to discretely hide behind your husband. This did not go unnoticed by them.

"You don't remember us?" The shortest of them questioned.

"No, I've never met you guys." You were very confused.

The man who appeared to be the oldest said your name. You stared at him as he studied your eyes, presumably to see if you were lying. It made you feel vulnerable and unsettled, couldn't they leave you alone?

"We're your family."

The guy with the white streaks in his hair scoffed. "You didn't treat her like she was family. I was the only one who cared for her when she was younger while you all ignored her and let her suffer. I'm glad she doesn't remember what you all did to her. She's clearly living a much better life without you lot in it."

This was getting more confusing by the second, although you felt there was truth to his words. Did you forget these people? They seemed very convincing if they were lying.

"I'm sorry but I really don't remember you guys. Maybe you have the wrong person?"

"No we don't! You disappeared one day and now that we've finally found you, you're saying you forgot everything!"

"That is enough. Please leave my wife alone, she does not know you, and she does not need the unnecessary stress of trying to remember people she's never met. Do not approach her anymore." Colossus guided you away from the men, who stared longingly at you. The heartbroken expressions they had after your husband's speech would follow you often. Were you sure you'd never met them before?

---

Words: 1,847

[eyeritestuff]

“I’m home.”

——

Tom (Eddsworld) x Reader [FUTURE AU]

Characters: Tom

Warnings: none,, just sad or whateva (send help)

Author’s note: don’t ask where i got inspo… short bc erm yah :3 i didn’t check for typos so oopsies !

——

The night was bleak, but yet somehow managed to house life with all of the neon city lights. You let out breath, only to see it animate as smoke in front of you. It was nothing you weren’t already used to, however living in America for 10 years will make you appreciate the little sun home had.

You had just got off the plane and were awaiting a bus to your hotel. You came here on impulse.. you were starting to get anxiety at the idea. What was the whole purpose of this trip? You tried to quell it, and so you looked down at your phone to see a missed call from- oh.. oh.

Immediately, you unlock your phone and redial, and with the same amount of swiftness, the other side picked up.

“Hello?”

His voice, it sounded so different. It was woven with misery. It’s not the him you knew. Of course, in the past he always had his monotone and sassy way of responding, but it’s.. different. Does he even know? He hasn’t called you all this time up until this point.. he had to know.

“Tom..?”

You choked out. Why were you getting emotional? This didn’t make any sense. You missed him, yes, vbht he hurt you. It’s probably the nostalgia from being at here again. At home.

But home didn’t look like home anymore.

“ahh.. y/n..,” he sighed and your breath hitched, “i’m sorry.. i’m so so sorry.”

You grabbed your stuff and got off of the bench you were sat at and started walking.

“Please don’t hang up, and listen. I don’t know why I didn’t call. I think about you every night. I was mad... I think I was mad. I was hurt you didn’t even hesitate to leave. I didn’t show up at the airport the day you left and I regret it everyday. The promise you made all those years ago.. we were teenagers, I know, but I can’t help but remind myself of it every time I think of you.”

Your walking pace started getting faster. Next thing you knew, you took a sharp left turn, then a right, then you continued on straight. Your body was guiding you at this point, but you didn’t care. As long as the tears didn’t fall. You listened intently as his breath hitched and couldn’t help but feel your stomach turn.

“I got the letter you sent me.. and I never wrote back. I’m sorry. I read it everyday. I tried writing back, and I’ve kept every draft. I want to read it to you one day.. I don’t know when that day will be, but y/n.. when I read the last part.. when you said ‘Til infinity.. did you really mean it? Do you still love me? Did the feelings ever leave?? Y/n I can’t begin to apologize enough..”

Next time your conscious decided to check up on your surroundings, you were in a building signing a visitor list with your shoulder prompting up your phone to your ear.

“Y/n.. I love you. I never stopped loving you. I was hurt, and I was upset.. that I lost the only person I ever recognized as a part of me. I didn’t want your happiness to depend on me. I wanted you to have the world, and the luxuries I couldn’t afford you. For fuck sake y/n, I could barely afford repairing Susan. I saw how much you wanted to become a doctor.. so I thought letting you go would be best,” he let out a sad chuckle, and it made you flash a sad smile in return, “I’m probably not making any sense, am I? Whatever.. I just needed to get this out to you.”

You found yourself standing in a doorway to an office. You didn’t dare make a noise once you realized where you were: It was his office.

How’d you even think to come here.. when did you even ask the front desk for directions? How’d you know— well, you knew what he was up to because Matt did keep in contact. Still, it made your stomach do flips.

You heard him speak twice over because you hadn’t dare hang up, “Y/n… you don’t have to say anything but..” He stopped, and so did your heart. The feedback from the phones was enough to make the back that was facing you turn. To say he looked different was an understatement.

You watched as his frown turned into a shaky smile, then into a frown again, but this time he bit down on his lip. Probably to stop the quivering. You couldn’t tell if he was crying due to the goggles he had on, but you knew he was in shock by the way he shakily stood up.

Your heart sank watching how he tried to stay strong for you.

The tears fell when he hung up.

The sobs followed when you closed the door behind you.

Tom slowly moved from behind his desk to get closer to you, only for him to run towards you after watching your legs struggle to keep you up. Falling into his arms, you clung onto him for dear life. He smelled so nice.. the alcohol scent was softer now.. did he lay off a little? All the memories your dream job helped you repress came rushing back. He was your first kiss, your first boyfriend, your first true best friend… your first everything.

“I left you.. I broke our promise, and I’m so sorry Tom-” he interrupted, “You were my responsibility and I avoided you because I was being selfish.”

You looked up at him, and him down at you.

“I love you so much… you look so miserable… yet you look so pretty.. you’ve grown up.” You tried to smile but you realized it probably looked like you were dying, and the awkward laugh you choked out ended up sounding like a whimper.

Burying your face into his chest, you spoke muffled, “I regret leaving you. I was selfish.. and I didn’t think of you-” “No y/n-” “Listen.. please.. I don’t need the money. At least not anymore. I wanna be here with you again. I wanna be with you.. again. I wanna have the stupid family you always spoke about.. you know.. the one with the mutated dog and a daughter with the inability to tell her left from the right..”

You heard a chuckle rumble from him and began to pet your head, “I can’t believe you remember that..” Oh his voice sounded sad.. like he was crying. Brace for rejection, is what you told yourself.

“Id like that a lot y/n..”

You looked up to see Tom, now without his goggles.. Oh his eyes… what happened to your love when you were away. You couldn’t help but cry harder seeing him like that. You weren’t there for him. You watched as his face grew pained watching your reaction. Like a child, you rubbed your eyes, but the tears wouldn’t stop.

“Tom… I love you so much. There’s so much I want to say but I can’t manage to stop.. barely even speak… could you ever forgive me..? For doing this to you.. for leaving you like this..”

You felt his hand gently grace your face.. what once was a soft hand turned rough.

“I’d forgive you a hundred times over if it meant I got to hold you again.”

[gold-rhine]

Hsr update was a thing that happened... I'm just wondering what is HAPPENING with the writing?? Like it was never good imo but they know how to write in a few companion quests. Like belebog are y'all okay?? I've unistalled the game temporarily so I can have space for my other games but am wondering if I should even bother going back (I probably will for Like a character design I like or for nanook or yaoshi or xipe) the story just keeps getting more confusing in terms of direction. Like what are they trying to show here? Even the game play can't keep my attention long.

Anywhoo I think this can all be fixed if they just give the people what they want

Nanook

right???? like idk whats happening on luofu bc they don't tell you shit and i'm not piecing together drama from expedition clues, thank you very much.

but for belobog its like. hsr spoilers btw. first we gonna lie to ppl that the tyrant that segregated half of them in underground mines without ever letting them see the sun and sent the other half to senseless wars with monsters is a hero actually. so they don't lose hope and bronya gets to conveniently step into position of tyrant herself, which everyone is like yeah she's the best option, shes so great!

then space amazon shows up and demands that they own the entire planet to cover 700 yold debt. they promise to solve ecological catastrophe, but everyone is gonna be amazon slave now. which ok, i can believe space amazon is this scummy, sure. but then instead of fighting it, instead of finding out precisely whats gonna happen to people, asking success rate, which methods are gonna be used, you know, asking ANYTHING. bronya reads letter from amazon union breaker executive whos like "my planet was bad too, and then we were sold to amazon and everything is a-okay now, so amazon's slavery is good actually:) you should trust me:)"

bronya is like hhm she sounds trustworthy:) then she asks opinion of like. 10 ppl. and is ready to sign ALL OF HER PLANET TO AMAZON SLAVERY

then himeko shows up like hey so i googled it, and amazon terraforming only succeeds in 60% of cases, otherwise you guys might die. bronya is like wow no slavery then >:\

and then she wins over amazon executive corporat by showing like. the giant engine first tyrant ordered to make. and union breaker, who btw took control of all robots and already sent them against local military AND fought main character directly, is like oh wow! your planet has strong leaders which my planet didn't, so your planet can stay free :)

like... the implications... bc "strong leaders" are literal tyrants... who, again, locked half of ppl into underground mines... and last tyrant was ready to destroy the whole planet... that these tyrants are the reason belobog is special from "weak" planets who can't survive by themselves and need to be owned by amazon... like what the actual fuck hoyo

oh and then we're supposed to feel sorry for amazon corporat bc she got demoted one rank :( boohoo i hope she gets shot, like?? are you kidding me??

its like if nahida didn't took akasha down, and instead dottorre demanded she has to let him use all the power of akasha and energy from sumeru's ppl minds as payment for akademiya debts. and she convinced him not to with power of friendship (but she kept exploiting ppl's dreams with akasha). and then we see a scene where dotorre is reprimanded by tsaritsa and we're supposed to be sad for him. like lol. lmao even.

also, i think plot expects me to fight nanook in the end. which like. no. i hope yall are getting crushed by his giant gold titties.

[chaoticdelinqueerwithglitter]

Reborn Again (and again and again)

(Sanzu's bday fic with tones of angst)

(Bonten HaruMai)

It's been a while since I posted my fics here bc no spoons kept my away of tumblr ( I'm gonna try to post all of them and they are always on ao3!)

But.... Sanzu Haruchiyo birthday seems like the perfect occasion for this!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LIL PINK GREMLIN, I LOVE YOU DEARLY AND YOU DESERVE THE WORLD! (but I'm gonna give you angst and a lap full of Mikey, oopsie?)

(link to ao3 in case someone wants to read it there)

Summary: Sanzu remembers his last birthday, bittersweet memories that keep his delusions afloat.

And of course, he'll never lose his faith in his king.

(even when Mikey's eyes are completely devoid of all emotion)

Warnings: Manga Spoilers (Bonten timeline, so yeah), Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Suicide, Mental Health Issues (issues is an understatement xD), Toxic Codependent Relationship, Heavily Depressed Mikey, Burn Out Sanzu, Unrequited Delusional Love, and idk, is Bonten they are so totally not fine and it shows, okay?

Yeah, this fic is an emotional roller coaster, it felt like it writing it and is not less of it as a reader (or I've been told that). Oh, Sanzu is sad and horny bc you can't tell me Bonten Mikey has energy to fuck (or live)

There is a part of the fic inspired on this art, bc Mikey sleeping on Haru's lap is for some reason precious to me 💜

Sanzu was bored, his feet kept tapping the ground, his mind drifting far away from here. He should be paying attention to his surroundings, guarding the building where his king was. 

Instead, he was lost in the memories of his last birthday, almost one year ago. Wondering if it would be different this time, if Mikey remembered his promise. He shook his head, immediately feeling guilty for daring to doubt it. Of course he did, Sanzu was only feeling insecure, nothing new. 

(He had to repeat it as many times as necessary, to convince himself that Mikey’s eyes had not been completely devoid of all emotion for more than a month)

To be fair, the fact that Hangaki didn’t represent any type of threat to his king, wasn’t helping him focus on the present or to keep his thoughts from wandering back to the previous year.

Sanzu was having a shitty day. That wasn’t exactly unusual lately, he had become more and more tired during the last years few months. Exhausted would be the right word, but he couldn’t afford to rest, to even entertain the possibility that he should delegate some of his responsibilities to others if he didn’t want to end up completely burned out. But of course, he couldn't trust anyone else to perform his duties, so Sanzu was forced to continue stretching himself thin.

(If he was more honest with himself, he could admit that he had been falling apart for way too long. But he wasn’t, he couldn’t)

Whatever. He was used to it. He’s handled this weariness before — today wasn’t unique. He was a grown ass man, who definitely wouldn’t throw a tantrum just because everyone forgot it was his birthday. And twenty-seven wasn’t a memorable number either, so who cared? 

This was just Sanzu being salty, tonight's job took up more time than he anticipated, so he had to see Takeomi’s ugly face for way too long. Yeah, it was totally unrelated to the pang of jealousy he felt when he overheard the older man explaining to Kakucho how this week was special, since the anniversary of Senju’s death was close. He wasn’t that pathetic, to hold a grudge because, even now, his sister kept hogging all the attention.

(What sister? Sanzu was an only child, his own mind was playing tricks to him again)

He sighed, using his own set of keys to open the door of Mikey’s penthouse and trying to be as silent as possible. He was fully aware his king wouldn’t be sleeping — it was getting harder each day to convince him to even try it.

It was better to be quiet anyway, at least, until he had a clue of which mood he was going to find. Would it be one of those days of empty glares and cold words, where he was only ‘Sanzu’? Or…

“Haruchiyo?”

A weak whisper, but more than enough for him to quickly locate the source. Mikey was sitting on the sofa, completely in the dark except for the dim light that came through the window, proving the outside world was still there, uncaring and merciless. 

“Hey… I’m back.”

His heart sank when he got closer, finally noticing Mikey’s puffy eyes and his tear-streaked cheeks. He wanted nothing more than to comfort him, caress his beautiful face and erase any trace of pain in it. But he knew better. Years of walking on broken glass around his lover taught him better.

(Was ‘lover’ the right word? When he had to repress his own feelings, pretending there was no love in order to stay by Mikey’s side? Probably not)

“What’s wrong?” 

He asked cautiously, sitting on the nearest armchair. Mikey blinked a couple of times, looking at him in awe, almost like he was processing that Sanzu was really here.

“I thought you wouldn’t come tonight.” 

There was no point in reminding him that he could just text or call —that no matter what he was doing, Sanzu would leave it in a heartbeat to run to his king's side. Mikey was fully aware of it, but he refused to show this type of weakness.

“I’ll always come back to you, Mikey.”

He gave him a soft smile, hoping it was somehow reassuring. It seemed to work, considering the next moment he had a lap full of Mikey, wrapping his arms around Haruchiyo’s neck and hiding his face in it. He didn’t have to think twice before hugging him back and gently pulling the thin body closer.

“I’m sorry, the deal took longer than I thought.” 

A noncommittal hum was the only answer he received,  another sign that Mikey cared less every day about his own organization. It was fine, Sanzu could keep the gears turning and perfectly greased, waiting until his king was ready to step back in the game and take what was rightfully his. 

“But I’m here now, I’m right here…” 

His voice dripped with affection, his touch conveying the same feeling as he started to play with the white locks. The soft caresses spoke louder than the words he’ll never say. It was fine — he was good at hiding parts of himself, burying it with all his secrets.

(So many secrets, weighing him more every day, slowly drowning him until he couldn’t recognize his own reflection)

“You are.” Mikey finally lifted his head, looking at him like he was trying to figure out something. “Even if this morning…”

“No idea what you’re talking about.” 

It was a lie, they both knew it. Of course he remembered how detached his king had been, how disgusted he looked by his weak attempt at cuddling. The cold voice, clearly commanding him to disappear from his sight. ‘Don’t you have work to do, Sanzu?’

It was a lie, one of the many he carefully crafted for Mikey’s sake. There was no need to dwell on it when Sanzu wanted to comfort him, not burden him with guilt. Especially when the cause was his own inability to hide his stupid hopes and desires. 

“Apparently about nothing.”

“Yep, nothing at all.” He repeated, softly brushing a strand of hair out of Mikey’s eyes and kissing his forehead, earning a simper in return.

Wait, what? A smile? A coy one, small and probably easy to miss for anyone else. But not for him, Sanzu was able to spot the most subtle change in his king’s expression, and this wasn’t subtle. A genuine smile on Mikey’s face? And thanks to him? 

Sanzu’s inner turmoil disappeared. The fatigue that he constantly carried with him was gone too. Just like that, a simple gesture from his king, made everything better, all the problems more than worth it as long as it meant protecting these rare moments of happiness.

(A necessary reminder of why he kept fighting, always so restless, refusing to let go, reinventing himself over and over)

He leaned in to cross the small distance between their lips, kissing him slowly, wanting to savor the moment. There was no rush for once, and even if he longed for more, even if his body reacted to the closeness and the familiar taste, he knew too damn well Mikey’s libido had been practically nonexistent lately. 

No matter how much he yearned to go further, he’d take whatever his king offered to him without presumptions. For now, Sanzu was content with the way Mikey’s lips parted, allowing his tongue to explore freely. He couldn’t stop himself from moaning inside the kiss, realizing he sounded too desperate. 

Damn it, when was the last time they actually had sex? He couldn’t recall when it was, but he could clearly see the memories – the way Mikey whimpered in his ear, his body pressed against the shower wall… 

Fuck, he had to calm down before his own neediness tarnished this moment doing something stupid — Like pressing Mikey’s warm body down onto his growing erection, bucking his hips slightly, rubbing himself just enough to feel the friction against that tight ass he adored so much… Stop it, brain!

“Sorry…”

Sanzu pulled away from the kiss with a flustered face, looking at Mikey with glossy eyes and pressing their foreheads together, still catching his breath. 

“Why are you apologizing, Haruchiyo?” There was a sad undertone in his voice that didn't go unnoticed. “It’s me, I can’t even give you that, you should…” 

“Don’t go there.” He gently placed a finger in front of the other’s lips. “I don’t need it, okay? I can live perfectly fine without fucking.”

“But you want it.” Mikey deadpanned. 

“Of course I do, because you’re gorgeous and I can’t help feeling attracted to you.” He gave him a soft peck. “And that’s on me, you don’t owe me anything, alright? Having you in my arms like this is already the best birthday gift I could ever wish for.”

“What?!” 

“Nothing.” It was too late — he knew as soon as he saw Mikey’s eyes widening in a mix of surprise and clarity.

“Fuck, it’s July… That’s not nothing!” He groaned in frustration. “Did you get to celebrate it at least?” 

Judging by the way Mikey looked at him, the answer to this was probably written in his face. That was the exact reason why he didn’t tell him, to absolve him of the guilt, to prevent him from falling deeper into self-loathing. 

“It’s okay, we can still celebrate it together if you want-”

“It's not even your birthday anymore.” 

His rage was icy cold, Sanzu was sure the temperature of the whole room dropped a few degrees. Suddenly he was freezing, despite the anger not being directed at him for once. 

“Then we don’t? It’s not a big deal, really, there will be other occasions. It happens every year, right?” His gaze stared at him with disbelief. “What? I’m serious, I don’t need some fancy ass shit, this is already perfect.”

“Haruchiyo…” Whatever his king wanted to say, the way Sanzu hugged him tighter seemed to change his mind. Instead, he sighed, burying his face on the crook of his neck. “Fine. Next year?”

“Next year it is.” 

He started to stroke his hair once again, wanting to leave this conversation behind. It was true, his day got infinitely better the moment Mikey sat on his lap and hugged him. Sanzu couldn’t ask for more, because there was nothing but him.

“I won’t forget it, I promise.” 

Sanzu gasped at the honesty in those words, a lump in his throat that threatened to make him cry, touched by his king making a promise to him. It wasn’t going to happen, he couldn’t put his own burden on Mikey, it was his to bear alone. 

(Alone and isolated inside of his own mind)

���I know you won’t Mikey, I believe in you.” 

He whispered with raw devotion. He will never lose his faith in Mikey, because as long as his king kept breathing… Everything was possible. 

Sanzu smiled softly, melting slightly with the memory of how Mikey ended falling asleep on his lap, of how he made sure to stay still, to not interrupt the other’s dreams. If he closed his eyes, he could see how perfect Mikey looked when he woke up hours later, well rested for once. The way his face lit up when he saw that Sanzu was still there, hugging him for hours and making sure he was comfortable. He could even feel the lingering sensation of his lips on his own… Damn it, how could he miss Mikey so much when they were almost living together?

(It was due to Mikey fading in front of him, disappearing somewhere out of his reach. No, he couldn’t admit that)

He sighed, frustrated with himself. He was doing it again, yearning instead of being grateful for what he was given. 

A sudden change in the white noise from nearby pedestrians forced him to snap out of his inner turmoil. He lifted up his head, scanning the surroundings to find the source of the commotion. 

Sanzu’s eyes widened with panic, the world went silent. Except for the echo of his own delusions shattering into thousand pieces, ringing in his ears for a split second that lasted for ages.

“Mikey?!!”

[daryldixonsjizzrag]

An angsty little drabble ab my oc bc I'm feeling depressed as fuck 👍 (send help I'm literally sleeping in my school clothes so that I don't have to get dressed tomorrow morning)

Warnings: prior drug use (heroin), prior self-harm, a whole lotta angst, really crappy writing that's meant to be read slowly, daryl being season 1-3 teenage angst daryl at the start

Pairing: Daryl Dixon and Original female character (my girl Tallulah :) )

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

"What the fuck is this?" Daryl stormed into Tallulah's room from her bathroom, holding up a needle and bloody bandages. "I was just tryna take a piss and I see these!" He shoved them closer to her, eyeing down the track marks on her forearm. No wonder she's been wearing long sleeves lately.

"It's not your business" She said quietly. She knew he'd find them, not that she intended for him to. She was in a near catatonic state as his voice drowned out into the background, merging with all the other sounds, like the air conditioner whirring for example.

"But it is. Tell me what you did." He pushed, clearly pissed. Breaking out in a sweat, Tallulah turned the air conditioner up. She felt so numb that even crying didn't feel like an option.

"Isn't it obvious? I shot my veins with heroin and took a blade to my arm. It's the usual. You already know I've done it before. Fuck, you've seen the scars and track marks. I don't even know why you're surprised" She ranted, biting her cheek when she finished. "Now just chuck those away. I don't wanna see em"

"When did ya do it?" He asked, a softer side coming on. The question made that pit form in her stomach, the one she felt like she could fall in. The one that made her feel a little too human for comfort.

She bit her lip and huffed her answer. "Last night." She was being blunt, but at least she was honest. A tear threatened to fall. If only she could just push it back into her eye, but that was impossible. She made herself smaller, tucking her legs up to her chest and hugging her knees.

Daryl noticed and tossed the used needle and bandages in the bin. "Why?" He asked gently, gliding his hand by her lower back. He hated touch, but he knew she needed it.

"... because I missed it" She murmured. He never really understood, but he had experience with marijuana. He understood the feeling, in his own way.

The silence afterwards wasn't particularly comfortable nor awkward, but it wasn't very inviting either. All she could do was hope that this didn't change things. Being honest was the best choice, so she spoke up.

"Can you tell Rick? I just... feel like he should know..." She said, her voice hardly even a murmur. She studied and watched her fingers, wondering how they moved and how she could do whatever she wanted with them, feeling detached.

"Yeah, I can. You uhh... need anything?" He asked awkwardly, holding the edge of the bed where the seam of the mattress was as he adjusted himself.

"Just some water. My mouth is dry" She knew why it was dry. Of course, the drugs, but her smoking had gone completely out of control. Only she kept it secretive, not wanting to hurt Carl or Sophia, or anyone else for that matter.

"Sure."

More deathly silence filled when he left with the trash can that contained the needle and bandages. She didn't know what to think. She was, of course, sad, but in a way she felt embarrassed.

Daryls footsteps entered the room, and he had some tap water in a glass. "Sorry it doesn't have any ice" He apologised, though there was no need to.

"Don't worry about it" Tallulah noted, taking the glass of water and spilling a little in the process. She stared at the puddle, processing what happened for a moment before she drank, her head going a little too far back, making water dribble from the corners of her mouth and onto her shirt.

She felt the need to apologise, but didn't anyway. It wasn't needed. She handed him the glass and layed down, sprawled out on the bed. The hangover was horrible. The pounding headache, the sickness, the hot flushes, everything about it made her want to die, in a mostly figurative sense.

"I'll go" Daryl made way for the door, hesitating about a yard away from it. He forced himself to leave, ignoring the pull she had on his heartstrings, not wanting to bother her. He knew he'd come back later, though. That was inevitable.

[everythingsinred]

I spent a whole day reading your Natsume analysis and am so excited to read Mikan's version. I wanted to ask about your thoughts on what Natsume was doing during the four years he was apart from Mikan. In Kageki, we learn that he took a lot of missions to get credit. But what do you think his mental state was like? Do you have any fic recs? I love making myself sad from Natsumikan angst.

hi! im so happy you read the natsume analysis! it makes me happy to hear people enjoyed it! i just recently made a table of contents for my essays and general ga postings so if you need help navigating the mikan essays, check out my pinned post <3

to answer your questions about what natsume was up to while mikan was gone, im pretty sure in kageki narumi mentioned that natsume had some negative behavior and attitude, but the extent of that is left vague. allegedly the missions he went on after she left were not alice-heavy or life-threatening but we know that one of those missions was to be toma's bodyguard and... bodyguarding tends to be dangerous? thats in the job description, pretty much literally. im not entirely sure how he was expected to bodyguard WITHOUT using his alice, but thats what they imply. did he take martial arts? did he carry a gun? who knows really. either way he should not have been permitted to continue doing any missions.

just in general, i think he was pretty depressed without mikan around. i mean natsume was in a HORRIBLE suicidal depression for two years before he met her and falling in love with her happened because she saw value in his life that he hadnt seen before. while she was there, he had developed a sense of purpose in his life and a will to live he hadnt had. it was bc of her that he started bonding with class b. now that shes gone, im sure hes very upset especially because its not certain he'll ever be allowed to see her again, granted he even lives that long.

but as much as i see him being depressed and a little miserable, he still has friends and a strong support system at the academy now. he has his best friend, plus the kids he allowed himself to befriend while mikan was around. theres pictures in the memorial book that depict middle-school aged natsume hanging out with The Boiz, and there's photographs in kageki that imply he wasnt completely isolating himself from his classmates during mikan's absence.

so with that in mind, i think he's depressed and sad about mikan being gone for sure, but he still has a will to live, a support system, and a sense of purpose (seeing mikan again) so that he isnt ENTIRELY devastated during those few years.

we can see when he reunites with her that he kinda expected her to remember him as soon as she saw him, and that gives us insight into how exactly he processed her stolen memories. (smth like, "she doesnt remember anything. so even if i did see her id probably have to make her fall in love w me again and im not even sure how i did it the first time! but she did love me right? i mean if she really loved me, she'd remember me eventually. i cant imagine forgetting her so im sure since she loved me that she'll remember as soon as she sees me!" and then he holds onto that thought so tightly that he ends up shocked that she doesnt remember). those thoughts probably kept him afloat too.

i really have mixed feelings about mikan leaving the academy in the first place though. i just dont think that plot point was executed very well so i never really got very into it.

as for fanfic recs, i cant think of many off the top of my head that have much to do with that time period of natsume on his own, but there is this one, (paths that lead home by MCaroba) which is about natsume going on a road trip with his friends!

as for angsty fics that are NOT related to that specific time period, here are some:

Ten Years to Date by November Romeo (the kids are assigned to write about their futures and natsume refuses. canon!verse one shot) (ps lots of her canon fics are in the same universe and theres a deal of angst involved there too, though her canon!verse fics take place in an alternate future of the kids in high school. i do recommend reading pretty much everything she's written for ga)

Tired by FearandLoathingXIX (hurt/comfort related to natsume's sickness. canon!verse one shot)

My Happy Ending by Little Miss Giggle (au where the kids go to a music school.... it starts off silly and fun but it gets pretty damn angsty. multichapter and one of the better known fics in the fandom)

Steal (my breath away) by Rock-n-Round (au one shot where alices exist but they're a bit weird and hard to explain. this one is EVISCERATING. and very beautiful)

Before You Hit the Ground by Ducky-san (au multi-chapter fic where mikan runs away from an abusive home and meets natsume who is in a gang against his will. i actually LOVE this fic so much... but it does contain some triggering material, like discussions of child abuse and implied sexual abuse.)

Right Before Your Eyes by pressuredtreasure (au... i don't think i can say much about this without spoiling it, but it's basically mikan missing natsume)

Oh Hello World also writes a lot of one shots, some of which are pretty angsty.

i'm really sad.... i was gonna link some other fics but i couldn't find them or remember their names and i'm scared they've been taken down. ah the pain of being in an old, less active fandom...

i also write fics too! ive only written aus so far (incidentally, not on purpose), but the angstiest is probably all things rancid and delicate, which is about mikan in a cult (it has a lot of dark elements to it)

im sorry if youre not much an au person, but i havent read much new ga ffn recently and not many good ones have survived the test of time it seems. it's all very sad. i miss reading fanfic all the time AND having lowered standards for gaffn specifically...

i hope i've answered your questions! if you have any other questions feel free to shoot me another ask! i love talking abt ga <3

[sharkpupsblog]

😈 Brand New Person ‼️ PART (1/6)

A Dark Riders and Dark Rider! Aideen! GN! Reader fanfic!

Hi!!! 😭😭😭 it’s been so long since I’ve been able to post a fic and my app is glitching so I’m posting this from the browser rn 💀 its so hard for me to post anything from the browser I hope my app gets fixed soon 😭 I edited the grammar by myself again so pls let me know how that went! English isn’t my first language so i’m trying to get better at grammar 😭💔 anyways this will have many silly parts.. how many? I think 3? I am going for 3! But if I go over it that’s totally cool bcs I love writing so silly!!! tysm @ barricade-moonriser for the request!!! :D so sorry it took so long 😭💔

Summary: after being left behind by your friends to die you make a big decision. Warnings: explosion, injuries caused by the explosion and talks of them.

Your ears ring and your body hurts as you try to get up. You slip, and fall onto your knees making the pain in your legs and body worse. You let out a quiet weak scream your throat hurts the pain doesn’t allow you to be loud. One leg hurts more than the other you’re sure its broken due to the horrible pain in it. You look around trying to call for someone, but your throat still doesn’t allow you to do more than whisper. You’re cold and scared and you can’t see anything because a bunch of smoke covers where you are. All of the smoke came from a small explosion of Drakonium. You were in the valley gathering it with your friends then the Dark Riders came wanting what you were gathering. Everything went downhill from there. All you could remember from before the explosion was Alex aiming for Jay, the attack missing said woman, and hitting a pile near you causing it to explode. Thankfully, your horse wasn’t with you they were with Lisa so only you got hurt… Your horse… You wondered if they were still around. You opened your mouth trying to call out for them, but you couldn’t manage more than a whisper. You tried again still failing to raise your voice. You needed your horse to be able get out of where you were. You were hurt and in the Valley of the Hidden Dinosaur. If you didn’t find a way out of the Valley soon you would most likely freeze to death, or be prey to any predators around. The thought of death scared you, so you called for your horse again. When you realized there was no point in calling out since your horse wouldn’t hear your weak whispered calls you burst into tears. You were scared, cold, and hurt so you cried not knowing what else to do. You hugged yourself trying to keep warm, and you thought about what to do. You sat on the ice shaking, and crying as you tried to come up with something. While you cried your ears were slowly recovering from the ringing, but you feared that it wouldn’t completely go away. The explosion must have really messed you up. You wiped your tears, but they kept on coming you were unable to calm yourself. As you tried to at least stop shivering you heard something hidden in the smoke. “Poor little Soul Rider” you heard a sad tone in the voice “left all alone in the cold.” You looked around trying to figure out where the voice was coming from your shaking getting worse as a stronger fear hit you. “I saw your friends leave you” the voice was getting closer “they didn’t even look back as they rode away leaving you behind to die” that couldn’t be true. There was no way your friends left you. Surely the voice had it all wrong your friends were coming back soon with help… right? “How long has it been?” The voice asked you, and you had no idea what it was talking about. “Since you woke up all alone out here in the cold?” You frowned knowing it had been a while… As much as you’d like to say they were… The truth was your friends weren’t coming back for you “they’re not coming back for you are they?” Did the person to whom the voice belonged to read your mind somehow? “They left you.” The voice went quiet, and for a few seconds you heard nothing… Then you heard hooves on ice, and you smiled widely as you saw your horse run out of the smoke. Your horse neighed carefully running to you and once they got near you they slid to a stop sliding right next to you. You let out a quiet raspy laugh as your horse stopped themselves from sliding, and they sniffed you messing with your hair. You stopped crying as you were comforted by your horse and the thought that you could now get out of the valley. You were so busy with your horse, and the hope of survival that you didn’t realize the source of the voice was behind you. “Are you hurt?”

You jumped as the voice spoke from behind you receiving a worser scare when you saw to whom the voice belonged to. Katja stood over you looking down at you she saw how scared you were, and she knew she needed to be careful. “Are you hurt?” She repeated to you watching as your expression went from scared to an attempt at looking like you were still strong and ready to fight her, but she knew that beneath your stupid attempt at being threatening you were scared and wounded. “You can stop pretending” her palm glowed blue as she gathered magic to heal you “I know how you truly feel and if I wanted to hurt you, I would have done so earlier.” Your horse neighed softly, and you were shocked losing your try at a threatening expression as they used their snout to push you near Katja. Why was your horse doing this? Had Katja brainwashed them or something? “I found your horse for you” Katja looked annoyed, and she took a pause before saying “You’re welcome by the way” in a slightly angry tone. She kneeled down in front of you trying to be at your level in an attempt to look less threatening. The woman knew it worked when you relaxed a bit, and you opened your mouth to speak “thank you” you rasped out to her earning a pleased hum from Katja. Why were you saying thank you to your enemy? What the hell was wrong with you? Maybe the cold and the explosion affected you more than you knew. You watched as Katja put the hand with magic in it near you. You scooted back a bit not knowing whether to allow her to work her magic or to use your other leg to kick her away. “I can heal you” she saw how badly your leg was hurt “I assure you I have no evil intention.” You looked back at your horse, and they neighed bobbing their head up and down as if they were saying ‘you can trust her.’ Katja watched your horse as you decided what to do. You decided to let her heal you. You were desperate to get out of the cold, and to stop the pain in your leg, so you asked Katja to please help you. The witch healed your leg, and once you were ready, she helped you stand up telling you that you were free to go, and that she really didn’t want anything from you, but to her surprise you stayed. You were grateful for what Katja did for you and your horse. She could have killed you, but she helped you, and after she told you how your friends left you out in the cold to die you were sure you didn’t want to go back to them. The witch had done more for you than your “friends” had, and you were extremely grateful. “You can come with me” Katja was moving onto the next part of the plan she didn’t do all this from the kindness of her heart. She was following a plan made by Jay to get you to join their side “you can join the Dark Riders” she knew who you were Sands had told everyone… They all knew Aideen walked Jorvik again. “We will care for you I’ll heal you everytime you get hurt I won’t leave you” she held a hand out. The hand was covered by her sleeve protecting you from frostbite. “What do you say? Will you join us?” You stood still for a second processing her offer, and after all she had done for you how could you refuse? You walked forward shaking her hand accepting the offer. You and your horse were now part of Garnok’s team. 

TY FOR READING !!! ❤️😭 ALSO POSTING AND EDITING ON THE BROWSER IS SO HARD . I NEED MY APP TO BE FIXED NOW BCS THERES NO WAY IM DOING THIS EACH TIME I POST SILLY FIC 😭😭😭😭

[javaghoul]

choujin x anon here! 🫡

i def get what you mean about it starting slow, i also felt the same and kept trying to compare it to tokyo ghoul in my mind 😔✊ once the pace picks up tho, i started enjoying it a lot more! the plot is more confusing imo, at least currently (take this with a grain of salt, bc i may just be stupid 😭), but it's still engaging! i definitely wouldn't say it's as good as tokyo ghoul, but i still think it has the potential to be really amazing! the characters are great and the art is absolutely amazing (i mean, it's ishida after all 😩🙌) so im still loving it even tho it doesn't quite match up to TG so far in my opinion

and i think there's quite a few similarities between eto and one of the characters! (not sure if u want me to tell u who, i don't wanna accidentally spoil anything), but i haven't seen anyone post about it so it might just be me who thinks this..... 💀 imo both characters share similar struggles, they're both in a gray area in terms of morals as seen by others, and their aesthetics absolutely SLAP in a very similar chaotic way 😩🙌

i'm not sure if i have a fave character yet (i'm a bit behind rn oops) but i'd prob say either tokio or sora? tokio is kind of pathetic but i relate to him a lot 😅 i also rlly like a lot of the side characters like nari and maiko!

if you end up reading more of it, i rlly hope you like it!! i like seeing ur thoughts on tokyo ghoul stuff, so i'm excited to see what you think of choujin x and it's characters if you end up reading more 😄

sorry for typing so much 😅 i hope you have a good night!! 😁

Anon, sorry it took so long to reply!

I bought volume 2&3 (and lots of other manga actually because why not? You're a bad influence 🤣). I still need to re-read volume 1 because I know I won't remember it, but as soon as I do: I'LL POST 💪

I started following the Choujin X tag on here, and it is bleak. Makes me feel a bit sad because it's such a drop from TG...like there'll be some beautiful fanart with zero notes. Maybe we can revive/kickstart it 😁

Thanks for leaving out spoilers! I'll get reading and see if I can spot the Eto. I did read on an old blog somewhere that there's a lot of sneaky TG references throughout Choujin X.

Oh I liked Tokio too! He seemed the most "normal" which ... Is kinda ironic considering lol. I wasn't keen on his speccy friend though. I remember thinking he was too perfect 🙄

Don't worry about writing too much (u didn't) and I'm not exactly known for being stingy with my word count 🤦‍♀️

[rainypebble07]

My (byler) fics- should or shouldn't you read them? -UPDATED-

This is me trying to be as brutally honest as I can about my fics on Ao3 as a guide so you don't waste your time with something you don't want to read (bc I'm bored).

1.It Wasn't a Bad Thing--- NO. This was my first fic and I have it on Ao3 for historical reasons, but it's pretty choppy and badly written, so it's probably okay to skip. I tried to write and tattoo shop/flower shop AU and I just didn't have a lot of experience yet. I wasn't even planning on posting it anywhere originally. (After I posted this originally, you guys kept clicking on it, but seriously. No.)

(But I'm working on a rewritten version of it and the first chapters are out, so read that instead!)

2. How To Handle Your Love Life and the Apocalypse at the Same Time--- I think my writing improved a lot between my first and second fics, so this one's not actually that bad. It focuses a lot on Mike and Nancy as siblings, which I really liked (they have a girls' night and it's just adorable!) and the plot's actually decent. It's probably got some of my pretty good written chapters. My biggest critique is it can feel sorta sudden at times, but if you can look past that, it's one of my favorites that I've written. This one is always fun to go back and read for me.

3. Much Ado About... Something? -- This is a high school theatre AU, so if that's your thing then YES! I adore this story and it's probably got the most kudos out of all my fics. It gets a little sad and there's a solid amount of angst, but it's got a happy ending, so don't worry. It's also fun and happy sometimes, so good balance. This one's got really positive feedback.

4. The Unwanted Return of Everything (and How it Finally Ends)-- It Depends. This one is definitely longer than my others and it's got a really long plot with, like, three different conflicts one after another. I feel like it was drawn out at points, but I guess I can't tell very well because I wrote it. It takes place a few years after everyone defeats the Upside Down and they have to come back together because it's back and at first Will's got this new boyfriend and Mike's jealous and yadda yadda, the Mind Flayer shows up, big finale and everything. It's got some of my better-written moments, but also a couple eh ones, so it's really up to your preferences for this one. In the end, I don't think it's a bad fic, necessarily, I just wish I took more time to write it.

5. Shady Business-- Superspy Byler. If you like crazy AUs, 100000000000000 TIMES YES! If I had to marry one of my fics, I'd marry this one immediately. It's Superspy Byler and I love it and I think you should read it. Rarely does it get slow because I plotted it out pretty thoroughly and it's just super fun and silly and kinda sad, but it's one of my favorites ever, so you know.

6. Mike Wheeler's Ultimate Guide to the Undead-- YEAH! This is my newest fic and it hasn't got a ton of hits yet (as of posting this), but I think you should check it out!! It focuses on Mike and Will after season one in an alternate timeline where Will died in the Upside Down and came back as a zombie. It's super fun and cute (and sometimes sad) but seriously! You should read it!

THE END (for now?)

Hopefully, this will help you out if you ever find yourself looking through my profile on Ao3 or if you just needed something new to read right now (I understand, we all do). This probably isn't relevant to anyone, but I wanted to make it bc I thought it was amusing.

Alright, have fun!

[dollfaceksj]

I haven’t done a review ina bit, I’m sorry :( my classes started so I’ve been a bit busy. Anyway tysm for updating so much, you’re one of the only authors I follow who uploads consistently & I appreciate it sm !! You truly do spoil us <3 let’s get into it … TWENTY FOUR?????!! Omg. Like. Omg. I loveeeeeee me some angst so this may be one of my fave chapters so far. Idk if you meant the note at the end to be angsty but I interpreted it like that a bit. Only because it sounded a tinsy bit sad in the beginning with the “since you don’t wanna hear me you’ll just have to read this” but then it was so cute with her little “p.s” remark!! I think I’m mostly thinking the note as a bit angsty bcs I just picture him waking up seeing she’s not next to him, waking up and looking for her & seeing the note & going ☹️ but then going 😒😒 because whatever she was an asshole anyway. But maybe I’m overthinking. I think it’s great that oc apologized + the extent that she apologized because I wouldn’t have imagined her being so insistent. I personally would’ve felt embarrassed after he ignored the first initial apology & would’ve just left when he walked away (ik she tried) but I like this for her, to me it shows compassion and maturity in her character. We still don’t know everyyyy thing about jk so I think it’s not fair to say he’s overdoing it because he honestly seemed genuinely bothered by her comment. Maybe it hurts so bad bc he hates how someone he holds on some sort of high regard (oc) can view him like that. The “fuck you” from last chapter hurt me too lowkey so again, shout out to oc for brushing it to the side and still apologizing. I think it’s so sweet how even though hes mad at her he still took care of her. He could’ve just ignored her and kept walking. Now that would’ve been an asshole thing to do, but he didn’t. I’m curious as to what he left to do for a few hours ngl 👀 like don’t tell me he went to go get some and then came home to oc💀💀 I’m laughing but I’m not (tbh I don’t really think he did that but this is me just thinking). The kiss was so hawt too & when he’s all demanding🥵🥵 “sit down” “go to sleep, I don’t want to hear you anymore”. I need to chill ik. Idk if he kissed her just to shut her up or if he was so touched by her apology he just felt the need to kiss her. I wonder if the angst will continue or will there be any reconciliation next part!! I can’t wait !!! (Sorry this was so long)

i love this 😭😭 thank you for sharing ur thoughts i love reading yalls thought process so much!

i leave a lot up to y’all interpretation because personally it’s still an improv series in my eyes and i just want you guys to go with the vibe, unlike when i have a story planned out and people read the characters wrong.

w this i like that yall analyze so deeply and pay attention to these details and are moved w some of their actions just as much as i am. i really love that yall love reading this story as much i love writing it

thanks for being amazing <33

[wapdyn]

Ah it’s really the end this time. I already had a feeling there wouldn’t be more side stories other than the ones released yesterday because the last ch was quite long, but I’m a bit surprised bcs TRE had 70+ side stories and MOTH had 100+ side stories lol. But I’m also glad there isn’t more because I felt like the last chapter ended perfectly, so I didn’t want it to ruin it 🤣

The ending was sad but really perfect at the same time 🥹

They kept their promise from chapter 229 that they will reunite and get back together again in heaven 🥹

It took me a bit to realize it because I was too happy, but Kishin knew he was dying there, that’s why he asked the butler to bring a bouquet of flowers omg… (I’m assuming he was already old here).

And the last scene is him entering their house in the afterlife, waiting for Clacey, then holding the bouquet for her as she finally arrived back to him.

The writing was really, really beautiful, this is why I always come back to this author’s works 😭🥹 don’t know if I’ve ever read a love as beautiful as this in all webnovels I’ve read…. Kishin, I think you even beat Langster for me.

[1d1195]

Sam! The newest part of Most was EVERYTHING!! Now you know absolutely LOVED Lauren getting publicly embarrassed by Harry calling her out like that! I swear I was so happy knowing that she finally got exposed and she technically exposed herself lol I do think it was so right for Harry being the one to find out because I fear the MC would have just been too nice to her lol but also I think it gives him some closure? Idk if that’s the right word but I think it helps fill in some gaps for that time of the breakup. ANYWAYS loved reading that lol

Now you have been putting this couple through so much but honestly I love it! Harry was literally in shambles while driving to her apartment and he had to find out she was TRAPPED IN HER BUILDING THATS ONE FIRE?!? And she DIDNT REALIZE IT?!? I would start crying ngl if I was in his position lol I was so invested when reading the last half especially when she dropped her love confession as almost a goodbye?! I’m so excited to see how their story will be wrapped up! They are so in love I can’t! So so good bestie as always you’re killing it with these stories!

Also sorry it took so long to reply back! Had such a busy week and I’m just so tired lol my summer classes end in 3 ish weeks so this upcoming week are my midterms(so crazy 😔)! Idk when fall classes start exactly but I think the last week of September maybe? Idk I’m avoiding knowing it lol and don’t be sorry for asking questions! I love questions! I commute to school so I’ve never lived on campus. I live with my parents still so it has its pros and cons lol

Though I’m so surprised you almost start your school year again?? Idk if I’ve just lost the concept of time but I thought you still had a pretty good chunk left of summer break for you?! I can only imagine how hard it is to be “on” all the time especially as a teacher and I hope that you do set goals for not overwhelming/working yourself this year! I just know you can do it my love because you are so important! Always rooting for you💗

I LOVE that you’re having some free time to read! And honestly some smut/romance books are needed sometimes so I don’t blame you for gobbling them up! Anything that you come up for Monday I’m sure it will be great even if it’s sad lol and a check in is always nice! I love to see how the couples are doing! I was just thinking about the Zipper couple bc I saw a horse drawn carriage yesterday when I went out lol and I LOVE YOUR RAMBLING!!! I could never get tired of it or you!! Love little updates on the life of Sam lol

Hope this weekend treats you well and sending the best vibes! Love you lots!!!-💜

Hi!!!! I have been dying for Harry to figure it out. I know it took a while but I hope it was kind of worth the wait. It's funny you say that about the MC finding out 👀 It def gives him closure. I'm so glad to be done with Lauren. (Although I'm sure I'm going to have to write an extra about her running into Lauren hehehe)

I just LOVE to have drama and make Harry stress out when I write 🤭🤭 There's something DEFINITELY wrong with me its in all my romance books basically. I'm just a sucker for a protective guy getting all worried about his lady 😅 HE DEF was SOBBING. I think I wrote he was crying but it was subtle because I had to make sure he could still see but maybe that's the next part hahahahaha but in my head he was a blubbering mess 🤭 This part was SO short when I originally wrote it. I know it's pretty dialogue heavy and I just couldn't figure out how to make it any longer so I just kept throwing stuff in and I was like "she should just tell him. It's pretty obvious anyway."

I am so appreciative of your compliments as always 💕

Please don't apologize! I bet you're exhausted! 3 weeks seems like forever. That's interesting you start toward the end of September. There's NOTHING wrong with living at home and commuting. I have an apartment and I love my bf but I would move back home to my INSANE family in a heartbeat if it meant I could save more money 😅 I was lucky to live on campus because of scholarships and stuff but even still I was only an hour away from home if I needed anything and after my first year I had my car with me.

I have one more full week off but I've been SO busy I feel like I didn't really get a break :( idk. I know people complain about teachers having all this time off but it goes quick and shoving all the things you need to do into it is difficult. I haven't even seen like half of my friends that I wanted to see which I normally budget my time off with. The thought of meeting up with them is exhausting and as I've mentioned before I always do the reaching out so that's exhausting in it's own right. I think I will likely have to book myself into September and hang out with them at that time.

I actually reread parts of Zipper the other day 😭 I think they probably rotate through my top 3 couples and stories. But what's a little sad is I would love to write more about them, but I think they might be done. I feel (hope) I wrote a really solid ending for them and I could write about their kids or whatever but idk if that's worth it. I like to think of them as all wrapped up--zipped closed, if you will. 🤭

LOVE YOU hope your weekend allows you some time to yourself and your midterms are easy peasy 💕

xoxo

[uglypastels]

okay getting to the other stuff now that i’ve said my piece about the heart-wrenching cliffhanger you’re going to keep me up at night with lmao

- he was scared of losing her and was just gonna go be sad in his room by himself🥺

- even though he’s a good pirate (can’t believe i’m a pirate apologist now) he’s killed people before but what sits heaviest with him is that he’s hurt her!!! stfu that’s so pure

- as soon as he said to just call him eddie… oh babeyyy i knew shit was abt to go down in a sinful way. but no! poor eddie was blue balled, reader had a terrifying dream, and us (actual) readers were on the edge of our fucking seat

- the crew said they’d miss her!!

- hellfire shot first, right? (i kept getting interrupted trying to read that part so it’s fuzzy to me) WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE THE RED TAIL SANK I NEED THIS BACKSTORY OH MY GOD

CAN WE TALK ABT THE SMUT JFC. cause you rly fucking delivered on that

- ‘Really? The princess had thought of me, a filthy pirate?’ ‘I’m not a princess.’ You rolled your eyes playfully. ‘Out of all the things to dispute, you argue my words of affection?’

- ^fucking swooning over these lines

- ‘So you can be good for me.’

- ^this one too

- him admitting he lost his control due to jealousy!!! idec if it’s toxic (only cause this isn’t real life) jealous eddie is so hot

- as a tit (wo)man myself, i have to give my thanks for including boob stuff *chefs kiss*

more comments of after the smut cause i apparently have a million fucking thoughts abt this chapter i’m sorry😭

- they comforted each other after their nightmares that is so goddamn sweet im SICK

- ‘I had honesty considered just locking you away and keeping you forever, but I am a man of my word, am I not?’ HE SHOULD HAVE JUST KEPT HER THERE FOREVER. TURNED TF AROUND AND NEVER LOOKED BACK

- reader writing the ransom note and changing the whole story to try to spare eddie/hellfire was so smart oh my god u rly had me fooled that they weren’t gonna get in any trouble and be seen as fucking heroes or smth

- the comment abt him not having carpet fr cracked me up

- he read her mind and shut the idea of staying with him down:(( that son of a bitch (still love him tho)

- and he didn’t tie her hands tight so she could start swinging at any moment!! (c o m e o n reader…we’re fucking waiting! punch ur dad in the face!)

- ‘governor, i see we meet again’ again!!! AGAIN?!!?!

amazing fucking chapter. ur updates always make me so excited, and i’m eagerly waiting for more<333

Dont mind me just giddily giggling over all of this 🤭 but its really hard for me to reply bc i am just rereading your comments and kicking my feet with joy. You really know how to butter me up lmao and i wish i could write rn but i'll be at the beach the whole day so i will have to do with daydreams and the notes app- which, btw, do not ever again apologise for sharing your thoughts!! I as a professional attention whore absolutely thrive off of this so please do not stop

Well, ya know the title of the fic, and it is eddie so you know he's a sweetiepie at heart. He's just been through stuff (and yessss we will find out what. All questions will be answered i hope (unless people have questions to things i did not even consider but so far i dont think that has been the case???).

And listen, with [fan]fiction, there is no such thing as red flags 🫤🙄 only black ones with skulls on them 🏴‍☠️ and toxicity is what makes everything that extra bit spicy.

I am a bit sorry for blueballing yall at the beginning, but if i hadnt then we would not have gotten the rest of the chapter as it is now?? And that counts for something suuurely

plus, i tried to hold off on the smut as long as i could bc i really really do not like writing it, as much as i am an avid lover of it, which brings me to my next point of i really appreciate all the comments on the smut bc i honestly dont know what in doing most times and it was probably the main reason why it took so long to write this chapter because i just freeze up at the mention of genitalia lmao. My brain just becomes that cymbal monkey.

Hehe i was really proud of that pirate/princess line. And the carpet one. Just gotta break up the heaviness sometimes ya know. And you just know these two have that kind of "deprication as love language" affair. Is that a even a thing? Well i made it a thing. Especially since its basically canon for this au that eddie has a major degradation kink.

In a perfect world, they would have been welcomed as heroes, but in a perfect world they also would never have kidnapped her so 🫠

And yes Again 😌

[v1ci0us]

honestly excited to read this because i enjoy reading your sam works—it’s a new, fresh character that’s enjoyable to read. even more so considering you have got her character down perfectly—honestly, when do you not?

You kissed down her body. Your lips traced a path against her smooth skin, from her neck to her ribs and all the way to the curve of her waist. You always took your time with her, each of your kisses breaking a rule in their wake. You could feel every hitch of her breath each time you touched a sensitive place on her body; it was honestly quite hard to find a place where she wasn't sensitive.

Though you think she likes it slow too, because Sam tends to interrupt you; she'll tug on your intertwined hands and pull you up so she can cup your cheeks. Her kisses were eager but never bruising, you could feel the hotness of her breath lingering on your lips when the hands tangled in your hair kept you close.

first of all, i don’t think this is considered friends with benefits or simply sex, because this is so intimate. i’m genuinely glad u decided to write something like this instead of rough and pleasurable (which isn’t ur style ik) bcs it’s honestly.. 🤨 ur rlly js gonna use sex to relieve urself? i know sam says no strings or feelings but it’s soft, intimate and just what she needs

The rules were her idea, she had been demanding on the no feelings part. She wasn't here to be loved, or cared for, or cherished. It was the one thing she made clear she didn't want.

too bad so sad 😠 u will always b cherished by me 

So, you took your time with her. And Sam let you, because she cherished every second of it.

how do u come up w these?! seriously, all the poetic wording and situations that fit perfectly with the characters—i don’t understand how you’ve mastered basically every skill ever in writing

Sam had stolen your shirt. She stood before your window in nothing but her underwear and the faded Bon Jovi shirt you loved, glaring up at the sky as if it would pity her and stop its downpour only for her to get home.

oh my god that’s so cute, just imagining that makes me smile. i know she’d look so good in that

"Sam," yet you spoke as if you'd loved her for a long time, "it's okay, you're okay." Your lips met the fabric of your shirt on her shoulder and you laid a kiss there, squeezing her body to yours, "you're okay, I'm here for you."

yet u spoke as if u loved her for a long time??? bye. on the floor unable to breathe and sobbing. ur too good at this wtf?? this was everything 

That was enough to break through the rest of the barriers Sam had built around her heart, because she turned to you and hid her face in the crook of your neck. Her arms circled around your waist and her fingers curled around the fabric of your pajama shirt desperately, as if you could slip her grasp any moment.

i honestly just wanna hold her forever n comfort her, she deserves it without a doubt because this must be all rough on her

You didn't have much time to prepare for the way Sam reached for the back of your head and pulled you in, her lips colliding with yours as she nearly spilled all the water from the cup she was holding.

sam is so passionate and i love that about her because she’s also caring and loving at the same time. perfect girl fr

When stripes of morning sunlight eventually came in through your window, they highlighted the waves of Sam's hair, the curve of her sleepy smile as she cuddled up to you.

And you kissed her good morning.

that’s so cute and soft 😍😍😘😘😘 sam is so bae 

i loved this!! obviously if u couldn’t tell, the moment u posted that u were gonna post something i was waiting and read it instantly even tho i js woke up. i adore the way u write sam so much!! ur work is genuinely a gem and so incredible

secrets I held in my heart

Samantha Carpenter x Reader

Summary: The rules were Sam's idea, she had been demanding on the 'no feelings' part. She wasn't here to be loved, or cared for, or cherished. Yet with every touch of her lips on your body, it felt like she was begging you to do just that.

A/N: I neglected all my other works just to write this. Mentions of smut ahead. <3

Masterlist

It was 9:23 PM when you heard the knocking on your door.

Today was a Friday, so you didn't need to look in the peephole to know who it was. This has been your routine for over a month.

You were already in your pajamas; a simple pair of shorts and an oversized shirt, and you could see tiny droplets of rain collecting on the windows as you walked up to greet her. You wondered if she'd have an umbrella.

You had your answer when you opened your door. Sam stood in the empty hallway of your apartment, the raindrops on her black jacket were shining under the yellow light; she had her hands stuffed in her pockets, always looking a little out of place right as she arrived. As much as you shouldn't, you were growing fond of her dark eyes and small smiles.

She walked inside quietly and you locked the door behind her — there wasn't a need for words, not really, you both knew what you wanted; why she was there.

The agreement was made with the effect of a few drinks on one night, just the right amount for extra courage and boldness. No feelings, no personal business, no getting attached; that was the deal. It was all about having fun and blowing off some steam without having to worry about the complications that came with a relationship — with being vulnerable.

You had your reasons for it and Sam had hers. It worked.

Until it didn't.

You kissed down her body. Your lips traced a path against her smooth skin, from her neck to her ribs and all the way to the curve of her waist. You always took your time with her, each of your kisses breaking a rule in their wake. You could feel every hitch of her breath each time you touched a sensitive place on her body; it was honestly quite hard to find a place where she wasn't sensitive.

Though you think she likes it slow too, because Sam tends to interrupt you; she'll tug on your intertwined hands and pull you up so she can cup your cheeks. Her kisses were eager but never bruising, you could feel the hotness of her breath lingering on your lips when the hands tangled in your hair kept you close.

She lay underneath you, with the only light illuminating your bedroom coming from the street lamps outside. You could see the outlines of her features, feel the bare skin of her legs whenever she moved.

You couldn't help bringing a hand up, your thumb tracing her lower lip before you leaned in for another searing kiss.

Sam's nails scratched at your back then, bound to leave a few telltales for the morning. She pulled you into her the closer she could manage, gasping into your mouth when your naked chest pressed to hers.

The rules were her idea, she had been demanding on the no feelings part. She wasn't here to be loved, or cared for, or cherished. It was the one thing she made clear she didn't want.

Yet with every touch of her lips on your body, with every breathy moan that slipped past her defenses, and every time her hands pulled you a little closer — it felt like she was begging you to do just that.

You knew part of her story, mostly from the rumors from before and after the Ghostface attacks on New York. Admittedly, you understood why she wouldn't want to allow people close. Though sometimes her loneliness was almost palpable.

So, you took your time with her. And Sam let you, because she cherished every second of it.

—

The rain had picked up when you gave her the last kiss of the night; the heavy droplets were loud against your windows as they poured down from the sky.

Sam had stolen your shirt. She stood before your window in nothing but her underwear and the faded Bon Jovi shirt you loved, glaring up at the sky as if it would pity her and stop its downpour only for her to get home.

You were sitting cross-legged on your bed, already back in your comfy pajamas. If she happened to stay over, which was quite rare, Sam would be gone in the morning before you woke up. You chewed on your lip, considering what you were about to say. "You know you can stay if you want, wait it out. I don't mind."

Sam glanced at the clock on your bedside table, it read 11:38 PM. She was hesitating; you could see it in the way she pressed her lips tightly together, in the way she bunched up the ends of your shirt in her hands.

Sam got back in your bed silently. She kept a reasonable distance between you two. She didn't look like the same person who had her limbs tangled with yours just a few moments ago.

The air felt electric with tension, with a timidness that shouldn't be there because you knew every curve of her body as if it was your own — yet this felt more intimate than anything else trapped between hot touches and breathless kisses.

You fell asleep first and Sam followed soon after, but not before taking the privileged opportunity to engrave the image of your peaceful features in her mind forever.

—

The red numbers on your clock read 2:59 AM when you woke up.

An unhappy groan escaped you as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes. First thing you registered in the darkness of your bedroom was that rain was still pouring heavily outside, though aside from that, nothing seemed out of place, and you wondered what had disturbed your slumber.

Then, you felt movement beside you, and you remembered the visitor who stayed.

Sam was breathing heavily, panicked gasps escaping from her lips. She had a soft frown on her eyebrows and cold sweat collecting on her forehead. The grip she had on the bedsheets was nearly ripping the fabric.

Worry tugged at your heartstrings immediately. You sat up, scooting closer to her so you could lay a careful hand on her shoulder, "Sam," you whispered gently, "Sam, wake up, I think you're having a nightmare." You kept talking yet got no reaction from her.

It was only when your fingertips grazed her cheek, that she jolted awake. A strangled gasp got stuck in her throat when her wide eyes locked on you; she clumsily pushed herself away from you, almost falling off the bed.

"Sam, calm down," you scrambled to turn on the bedside lamp so she could see you more clearly, "it's just me," you spoke softly.

The sight of her broke your heart. You've never seen Sam like this. She was breathing so heavily you feared she might hyperventilate, her lower lip quivering with each intake of air; tears were steadily collecting on the bottom lid of her eyes, still wide as she looked around, checking every dark corner of your room.

It took several beats for her to seemingly recognize you, and when she did, she finally sat up properly; dropping her head on her hands when quiet sobs started shaking her body. It sounded as if she was trying to hold them back, as if she didn't mean for you to see it.

You moved closer then, one of your arms coming around her shoulders. It was uncharted territory, something that wasn't meant to happen.

"Sam," yet you spoke as if you'd loved her for a long time, "it's okay, you're okay." Your lips met the fabric of your shirt on her shoulder and you laid a kiss there, squeezing her body to yours, "you're okay, I'm here for you."

That was enough to break through the rest of the barriers Sam had built around her heart, because she turned to you and hid her face in the crook of your neck. Her arms circled around your waist and her fingers curled around the fabric of your pajama shirt desperately, as if you could slip her grasp any moment.

You brought your other hand to the back of her head, burying your fingers through her hair. She melted into you.

The tears rolling down her cheeks dampened your shirt, but you couldn't find it in yourself to mind; all you cared about was holding her for as long as she needed.

And you wondered just how long it had been since someone was willing to do that for her.

Sam was the one who pulled away first, and she didn't meet your eyes as she did so. She quickly dried off the remaining tears. You could still see the shaking of her hands.

Figuring she could use at least a few moments alone, you got up from the bed and walked to the kitchen. The wooden floor was cold on your bare feet as you waited for the glass to fill with water.

When you came back to your bedroom, Sam's eyes were already following your every move. Though there was a shyness there that was new. She felt bare in front of you, more than she'd ever been before.

You sat back down quietly, extending the glass of water towards her.

Sam took it from you with an unsure tilt of lips. Several beats passed where she just looked at you, there was a mix of sadness, and want, and hesitance in her glinting eyes. "I'm sorry," she eventually mumbled. Her voice was tight, you figured she was one word away from breaking down all over again.

The yellow glow of your bedside lamp highlighted the tear tracks on her cheeks. You knew she wasn't apologizing for tonight. She was apologizing for breaking her own rules.

"Don't be," you told her when you pushed back strands of her dark hair, your touch lingering on her jaw, "because I'm not."

You didn't have much time to prepare for the way Sam reached for the back of your head and pulled you in, her lips colliding with yours as she nearly spilled all the water from the cup she was holding.

When stripes of morning sunlight eventually came in through your window, they highlighted the waves of Sam's hair, the curve of her sleepy smile as she cuddled up to you.

And you kissed her good morning.

⋆* ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Thank you for reading this little story. Feedback and reblogs are literally what keep me motivated to continue posting here, so I’d appreciate it if you could take some time to reblog and comment if you want. <3

Sam’s taglist: @milkiane @v1ci0us

[grippingbeskar]

salt, ice and fire

chapter twenty one - push and pull

frank castle x fem!reader

warnings: swearing, canon typical violence, mentions of death, scars, injuries, franks a bit of a dick, then he’s sad?

a/n: i’m SORRY. i am a horrible human. this took so long and i have no idea if it’s worth it. But it needed so much editing i swear if you read the first thing i wrote you’d puke. i hope you enjoy bc i love writing angry frank and reader lmao.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“You can’t go.” You hear Matt say, but you can’t take your eyes off Frank.

“You gonna stop me?” Frank growls back, stepping to put himself between the two of you. To his credit, the lawyer doesn’t seem intimidated, more just pissed off.

“You? I don’t care what you do— but I made a promise to that kid outside and to your girlfriend that I’d do whatever it took to help her, and I’m not letting you ruin it because you want to let off steam and kill someone.”

“You do your job, I’ll do mine.” Frank says. Matt scoffs, shaking his head.

“You make my job pretty difficult if you go and play Bonnie and Clyde all through the capital. Bobby Gnucci is on the FBI’s most wanted list, and with everything going on in the past six months, it’s too risky. Not to mention Madani, who’s giving you one shot at living a semi-normal life.” Matt turns to you now, face angled in your direction over Franks shoulder. “If you know where he is, we can use him. Make him answer for the things he’s done to you, and what he’s probably doing to others.”

Your heart was slamming in your chest, and now Frank had turned to look at you. Almost like he expected you to know what you wanted. You thought you would want him dead. You want him to suffer, to watch him die the way he made you watch hundreds of others die; at your hands. But what Matt was saying made sense, too. With Bobby alive, if you could get him to Madani, maybe your own freedom was still on the table.

It seemed like the biggest problem you faced right now was figuring out how to stay anonymous. You couldn’t risk your enemies finding out who you were, let alone finding out you had a brother. Keeping your faces out of the public eye meant if you brought Bobby in, no one would be chasing you. One more loose end to tie up.

“If I— if we brought Bobby back here, would that mean there wouldn’t be a trial?” Frank walks out of your view, shaking his head, and you hear a door close softly behind you. Your heart pulls, but Matt starts talking before you can follow him.

“It’d be the trial of the decade, but you would be kept out of it. You’d be a key witness, and I can guarantee both you and your brother would be anonymous since you wouldn’t be on the stand. Plus, Madani can cover her ass and keep your face out of it completely.” It all sounds like something out of a dream you had, something so far off but now it was right in front of you. “It’ll be like you were never there.”

Another door opens, and your brother comes through, smiling. Like, really smiling. Taking in a deep breath, the idea of having options for freedom should feel like a weight off your chest— instead, it only makes you feel heavier.

“I… I need—“

“Take some time. We have a little bit now, if you really know where he is.” Matt nods knowingly, and you hear the distracted talking of Karen and your brother on the couch. He looks at you and smiles again, and you return it.

“He’ll be there.” You were certain of it. “I should…” Your head nods to the now closed door of Matt’s room, and he smirks.

“Good luck with that.” An exhausted laugh cracks it’s way out of your throat as you head towards the door.

When you open it, Frank is pacing on the opposite side of the room. He’s walking slow, but it’s one of the few times you’ve seen his hands anything but steady. When the door clicks shut behind you, he stops, looking up and keeping the distance of the double bed between you.

“We are not playing that game again.” Frank says, looking you dead in the eye.

“Frank, this is not a game.”

“It’s a fuckin’ joke.”

“This is a chance at a real life, and you might not like it— fuck, I hate it, but these things are gonna happen. You knew involving Madani would come at a cost, and this is it.”

“So this whole thing is my fucking fault?” Your head falls back, staring at the ceiling— it was like talking to a wall.

“No. I didn’t say that.”

“You remember the last time you had the bright idea to take someone hostage?” He steps back, leaning against the wall, and your mind flashes to the Colonel. Whole lot of good that did you. “We spent twenty four hours hauling that piece of shit in the back of a car, and he gave us nothing. Instead, he lead his men straight to you, and we ended up killing him anyways.”

“I know—“

“So you think now that Murdocks flashing a brief case and a few pretty words that all this ends with him in prison?” Anger dripped from every word, but you couldn’t feel his words hitting you. He wasn’t angry at you— it was something else. “None of this ends until Gnucci and every one of his men are dead and buried. I’m not risking your life because you want to play nice all of a sudden.”

“Frank, don’t—“

“No. I know how this shit goes, and if he’s not dead, it’s not over. You’ve already killed for this guy a hundred times over, and now you have the chance to get your own back and protect your brother, you’re not going to take it? You didn’t have a problem taking down the Colonel—“

“You shut the fuck up right now!” You spit, fists clenched hard. The sharp points of your nails come out against your will, digging into the flesh of your palm so hard you can feel blood pooling. “Who the fuck do you think you are, throwing that back in my face!? When you know exactly how much I have to get him back, you fucking prick!”

“That’s —“

“Shut up! This is my chance— my fucking chance. This is what I have to do. You don’t think I want him dead? You don’t think I fucking dreamed about it every day for years on end? I want him mounted on my god damn wall— but if it’s at the cost of my brothers shot at a free life away from all this, then I will cart Bobby’s ass across the country if I have to. I’m not saying we don’t take as many of his fucking guys down with us, but if they need Bobby to give Sam a chance to live like a normal kid, I’m doing it.” The gasping of both of your heated breaths is the only sound in the room, and Franks jaw stays shut tightly. ��You heard what Matt said. If we can bring him here, we can do this quietly. I know you care about Sam, you wouldn’t have taken him in if you didn’t, and I know you care about Madani, and what happens to her.”

“I don’t give a fuck about any of this if Bobby Gnucci gets to live.” Like a gun had went off, you take a step back. It was probably the most selfish thing you’d heard him say since you met him. 

“That’s a lie, and you know it.”

“I’m not letting you do this.” He ignores your comment, his eyes going out of focus for a second.

“And me? If this is what I want?” He shakes his head, suddenly quiet. “I don’t want to live my life like this, Frank. I don’t want to run from people, or pretend to be legally dead. I want a—“

“A normal life. Yeah.” He sits on the floor, not looking at you. “I get it.”

“Nothing about my life is normal. I just… I want to not be worried my brothers going to die every god damn day! He was— I was never meant for a life like this. If I kill Bobby, I replace his men with the FBI, and everything he wanted to happen, happens anyway. Even if Madani fakes our death like you said, I have too many enemies, too many people that I’ve fucked with to be put in a globally accessible system like that. They’d come for me. For Sam!” You take a step around the bed, your voice getting softer as you try to take a few breaths and calm yourself down. “They’d come for you, and I can’t have that, even if you hate me for it.”

“I can handle my own shit.”

“I’m not saying you can’t, but this isn’t just New York. There’s thousands of them. It’s… you know what I did to them.” He doesn’t say anything, staring down at the floor. His head was in his hands, and even though Frank Castle was the silent type, something about this was unnerving. He was still half obstructed by the bed, but you couldn’t tell if taking a step forward would make him back up or come closer to you. You hadn’t yelled at each other like this since those shitty hotels you stayed in when you first met, and it left an acidic taste in your mouth.

“Guys like that don’t get to live. That’s not what I do.” Frank says finally, his voice muffled in his hands.

“I know. It’s not what I do, either. Like you said, I’ve killed for him a thousand times. Why should I change now?” It comes out more bitter than it should have, and Frank says something but you don’t hear it. “This is my chance to start fresh.”

“Fresh.” He grates, still not looking up. “You go get your fresh fuckin’ start.”

“Look at me.” He does, and then he finally stands up. In two, slow steps he clears the space between you. His face was hard, and he was breathing slow, like he was trying to keep himself controlled.

“You go. Get your fresh start, get your ass to Paris or wherever the hell you want to go and put all this behind you. You were never meant for this shit, right?” You blink a few times, trying to comprehend the sight before you. His eyes were a little red, and some look you hadn’t seen ever before is on his face.

“What are you talking about?”

“This is all I got! This— all this blood on your hands? It’s on mine too, but I don’t have a choice. There’s no way out. Killing Bobby is the only thing I can give you, and if that’s not what you want anymore than what the fuck are we doing?” His voice cracked, and even with all the shit he was saying your heart still broke hearing him sound like that. “This is the kind of man I am. I won’t keep your brother safe, and I’m not going to hold your fucking hand while we cart around assholes like Bobby Gnucci. I’m going to kill him— and I’m not changing my fucking mind.”

He was breathing so quick you thought he might pass out. Practically shaking, he held his ground, and you tried to drown out the sound of the TV getting louder outside. Frank must of been yelling, or at least talking loud enough for them to need to drown him out. You could see the regret in his face, in how he was practically folding in on himself, waiting for you to walk out on him. Instead, you stepped forward.

“No, you won’t.” His face was nearly touching yours, he was that close.

“No? You don’t know shit about me, then.” His voice was deadly soft. A strained whisper, voice breaking just a little. “This shit is real for me. You might not of wanted this— but I do. This is who I chose to be, and I’m not changing now.”

“I’m not asking you to change. I’m asking you to—“

“To what? Be your lap dog? Follow you around until you get bored of running? Cause I don’t get an immunity deal with the FEDS or a shiny new lawyer. This is all I got, sweetheart.” He was being mean, and any other day you’d throw it back to him, drop to his level, but his face right now was unlike you’d ever seen.

There was half of you that wanted to fight him. Throw as much venom back as he was spitting at you, be cruel and vindictive, and Hell— maybe there was a small voice in your head telling you to leave and finish this yourself. But the majority of you, the part that’s thawed out over these past few months with him knows that isn’t what he needs right now, and it isn’t what you really want. You tried to channel what he did that day in the hotel. Let him yell as much as he needed, and be there to pick up the pieces.

“I’m asking you to do this with me.” Your hands cup his face, and for a split second his eyes close, then open wide, still lined with rage.

“I can’t.” He tries to slip away but you hold him tight, fingertips borderline painful with their grip on him. He stops pulling when he feels you’re not going to let go. “I can’t let him go alive.”

“Yeah you can. You did it once before.”

“That was different. He didn’t…” Frank looks away from your eyes, at the little scar on your forehead, now completely healed. “The shit he did to you? You want me to let him go, baby?”

“Frank.” You sigh. Your shoulders sag, thumb tracing over his cheekbones.

“Christ. Fuck, I’m sorry. Let’s get out of here, we’ll get back to—“

“Do you love me?” He squeezes him eyes shut, like the question is as painful as a punch in the gut. “Frank, do you love me?”

“Fuck.” He hisses. “Don’t ask me that. Not now.”

“Too fucking bad. Answer me.” Your heart drops to your feet, terrified to hear the answer if it’s not the one you’re waiting for.

“Yeah. Yes. Yes.” Your thumb wipes away the tear on his cheek, keeping him steady as he nods. “Yes.”

“Then do this with me. We bring him back, together.” He was still nodding, eyes tightly shut, leaning against you like he’d break apart. “And Frank? This… this is not all you are.”

“Stop.” He whispers, the softness of it cracking away the hardest parts of you, turning them to warm tides. He was already shaking his head when you starting talking.

“You kept Sam safe. You did. You are that kind of man— and killing people is not all you are. It’s… that’s all I thought I was. For a long time, I thought I was a monster.” His hands grip your waist, and he leans into you further. “But you showed me I don’t have to be that. That I had choices, even if they were small. You told me I could make my own decisions, that I didn’t have to be what they made me— what I made myself into. And then, when you told me I could leave, I chose you. I chose to stay. Nothing will change that. No matter what happens next, even if you can’t do this with me, I will follow you anywhere you let me.”

“I can’t give you what you want.” You lean up on your toes and kiss his forehead lightly. “This will end for you, but it never ends for me. There ain’t a happy ending for this.”

“I don’t care. You are what I want. Even when this ends, I chose to stay. I want this, and whatever comes next. I just want you.” He hauls you to his mouth, the taste of salt and him mixing on your tongue. The kiss is desperate and pleading— apologetic and searching for forgiveness, and you give it. You could take whatever words he’d throw at you, like he would take yours. You were both stubborn and volatile and mean but it didn’t matter, because you were both here, and there wasn’t a single thing in the world that would trump the feeling of his mouth on yours.

You both only pull away when your gasping for air, one of Franks hands tangled in your hair while the other is wrapped snug around your waist. His eyes were still closed, almost like he was afraid to open them, but when he was ready you met them, like an equal. A team.

“We bring him back, alive. Kill the rest.” Frank says into your mouth and you nod.

“Burn that shit to the ground.” You say in earnest. You want that place destroyed— the lower levels were like the levels of Hell itself, and you wanted to make sure no one would ever see those walls again. “Sam—“

“Stays. If we aren’t cleaning house in Washington, he stays far away.” Frank says, and you roll your eyes.

“I was going to say that.”

“Were you?”

“Well, I don’t generally plan to bring the twelve year old on a hostage mission.” Frank blows out a breath, close enough to a laugh, and then goes quiet for a second. You know the guilt will be eating him up— he was constant like that. Guilt was practically his middle name. “You ever throw that Colonel shit in my face again, or any of it, and I’ll put you through the window.”

“I hope you do.” He looks down, searching for words he doesn’t have. He didn’t mean it, and you’d said twice as bad things to him in your time. Apologies felt like placebos at this point, and even if it was a bit mean, you’d take his real emotion over the fake shit he used to feed you any day.

“Just do what you said you would. Do this with me, and we won’t bring it up again.” You kiss him again, and he tightens his grip. You feel the press of his chest to yours tighten and release, and his head falls onto your shoulder.

“I’m scared.” He says lowly, and you physically feel your body slump in response to how… broken he sounds. “Scared of losing you. If he walks, he’s gonna come for you and the kid. I can’t lose… fuck, I can’t do it again. I can’t.”

“I am not going anywhere.” You nudge him upwards, his nose dragging along the soft skin of your neck.

“When I lost Maria and the kids… I won’t come back from that again. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t live with myself until I knew every single one of those fuckers were dead. You’re asking me to let this guy go after what he did to you and I can’t—“

“If he ever gets out, I’ll kill him myself. Besides, you’ll be with me. What do I have to worry about?” He nods once, and you fall into silence again. This one isn’t like the others. It’s comfortable. Soothing. He holds you for a second longer, and as he lets go his hands stay reaching out, afraid to let you slip through them.

“I don’t like compromise.” His eyes meet yours again, and you have to stop yourself from sighing in relief. He looks like him again, eyes focused on you like they have been since you met him.

“Don’t pout. It’s not cute.” He scoffs, muttering something as he heads for the door.

“Come on. You wanna do this, you can be the one to tell Murdock.” You walk up next to him, feigning an innocent expression. “I ain’t feeding that guys ego anymore.”

“Oh? I thought you guys were such close friends.” Frank growls a string of curse words under his breath as you both walk back into the living room.

“She tell you I was right?” Matthew says from the couch, and you wouldn’t be surprised if Frank shoved you out of the way and knocked him on the jaw.

“Fuck off.” Frank says instead, walking to the other side of the room to stand in the corner. Matt laughs, but you still can’t take your eyes off Frank, and the subtle smile he gives Sam even though he’s clearly pissed off.

“Your phones been ringing off the hook.” Matt looks at Frank and he takes any chance to get out of the room, disappearing from view. “You sort it out?”

“We’ll bring him back. Alive.” Matt nods. “But I can’t control what happens after that.”

“I only need a few hours.” You frown, confused. “I’m a really good lawyer.”

“So I’ve heard.” He laughs again, picking up a few papers from the table. “Look, I just want to say thank-you again. You didn’t have to do any of this, and I know it isn’t the easiest situation, but… I can’t tell you how much it means. To me and Sam, and Frank. Don’t tell him I said that, though.”

“I’m happy to. These kinds of cases are why I became a lawyer in the first place. Even if it means working with guys like him.” He nods to where Frank disappeared, and you blow out a breath.

“He’s not all bad.”

“I know.” Matt gives you a knowing smile before Frank comes back in the room. His face is devoid of any emotion from your talk earlier, and a pit of dread builds in your stomach at his hard expression.

“Madani. Says Bobby’s guys just broke into my old apartment. Took everything, burnt the rest. Karen’s old place, too.” Shit. “We need to move, now.”

“Okay— just let me…” You look down at Sam, who’s already standing next to you. Frank was looking at him too, and you didn’t like the look in his eye.

“She’s got somewhere for him.” He says softly. “He can’t stay here. It’s only a matter of time.”

“Where?” Your voice cracks.

“Some kind of witness protection. There’s too many of ‘em to track. He’s a sitting duck here.” He says the last part in your ear, and Matt somehow catches it.

“He’s safe here.” Matt says, and Frank laughs.

“They found us. Karen’s place. How long you think it’s going to take for them to find this place, or the next?” He was right. You knew it, and as much as you trusted Matt and Karen, they wouldn’t be enough. “Madani’s got the doctors family out and safe. He can go with them, stay there till we get this handled.”

Your throat was tight as you looked down at Sam’s face, thinking about the last time you told him you had to leave. You’d left him enough, you had no idea how to explain this to him—

“It’s okay. I can go.” Sam stands in front of you, looking about ten years older with that determined look on his face. “I can go, and then you’ll come back after, right?”

“Of course.” You bend down further, hugging him tightly. “Can’t get rid of me now.”

He was grinning— a big difference to the kid that you pulled out of the boot of that car just a day or two ago. The bruises on his face were fading, but that wasn’t the reason he was looking brighter. He was around people, ones that gave a shit about him, and he was getting the first taste of real freedom he’d remember. He looked up at Frank, then, smiling a little wider, and it was clear you weren’t the only sibling with an affinity for him.

“Go fuck him up, then.” Sam says seriously. You think about telling him he shouldn’t swear, but if your worst problem with this kid was him saying ‘fuck’ then you’ve gotten off pretty well.

Frank was already getting the remains of your stuff together, and you spent the remaining few minutes with Sam. You can hear Matt and Frank outside, Karen having disappeared to give you some space, and when the two of them came back in the room, Matt looked pissed and Frank was hanging at the door, face blank.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Meet you outside.” Frank said before leaving the living room and shoving the front door of Murdocks apartment out of his way.

He had spent all of four hours in that place, and it was four too fucking many. He was on edge now— and the argument with you was still heavy on his mind. Now Madani was calling with more bad news, and he started to feel like a caged animal.

He knew he was out of line with some of the shit he said, but like he told you; he was fucking scared. Last time he let someone live instead of just killin’ him it came back to bite him in the ass, and innocent people died. Because of him. His family was dead because he didn’t take care of the shit he should of. That wasn’t even the half of it. What he knows this guy has done to you, Frank wasn’t sure he was gonna have it in him not to put a bullet between his eyes the second he saw him.

He just couldn’t say no to you. Not when you asked him like that.

Walking outside, he leant against the car, rubbing the palms of his hands on his jeans. He could put it down to how many things could go wrong back in Washington, or the phone call with Madani, but really, the thing that was giving him sweaty palms and a headache was what you asked him. And what he’d said.

“Do you love me?”

“Yeah. Yes. Yes.”

He knows it’s not the first time he said it. The last time he wasn’t even sure if you’d caught it— your eyes rolled back in your head and you saying his name all high pitched and whiney like he loved to hear. He couldn’t help it; basically poured out of him. You’d looked so fucking pretty under him, and twenty four hours without you was enough to give him withdrawals. It made him nervous as shit, though, doesn’t matter how true it was.

He saw you come out the front of the apartment block, walking straight towards him. Frank was half sure you were going to come to your senses and walk up and smack the shit out of him, but you started to slow down just in time to wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him.

He couldn’t remember anything he was thinking about before, just that you were threading your hands in his hair like you always did, and he chased the feeling as you pushed against him. His hands went to your hips, bending down further so he could take control. He didn’t give a fuck about the people walking past, he let his hands wander wherever made you moan in his mouth the loudest, smiling a little as you squeaked when his hands grabbed a little harder on your ass.

You pulled back first, breathless and smiling, but he could see in your eyes you’d cried a little before you came down here.

“You okay?” You nodded quickly, kissing him again. He knew it was probably leaving Sam that had you upset, but he’d given you a hard time, too.

“Mhmm.” You hummed against his mouth. “You drive.”

“Huh?”

“You were a dick. You can drive.” You lean up to kiss him again, but before he can react you shove him out of the way, sliding yourself into the passenger seat. He blows out a laugh, closing your door for you.

“Yes, ma’am.” He can see your smile even through the tinted windows. It’s probably the sweetest thing he’s seen in a while.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“These, too.” You drop another magazine on the counter, and Frank looks down at you with a blank face. “What?”

He pays for the items, two bags full of shit you probably don’t need and snacks you won’t get through, but you were milking this apology for all it was worth. Besides, with you only being an hour out from Washington, things were about to get complicated. You would take every light moment you could.

“A little help?” You struggle with the overflowing bags, and Frank looks back at you.

“You’re fine.” He says, walking straight back out to the car. As you trail behind him, he’s almost enjoying watching you juggle your shit to the car, but he opens the door for you anyways. Sliding back into the front seats, Frank pulls out onto the highway. “Murdock texted. Sam made it safe.”

“You texting him?” Frank makes a sound, some kind of growl that makes you smirk. “Maybe I should be the one who’s jealous.”

“Funny.”

“I feel like shit. Palming him off.” You watched the muscles in Franks face twitch as he shook his head.

“You’re not palming him off. It’s keepin’ him safe. Besides, the way Madani told it, Doctors family was more than happy to take him in. Said they owed you their lives.” The thought makes you feel sick. They didn’t owe you anything— you were half the reason they were in danger in the first place. “They got kids, too. It’ll be good for him.”

“Yeah.” Frank puts his hand on your thigh, and your breath shakes for a different reason. He keeps it there, thumb stroking up and down just a little higher than normal, and you catch him glancing at you through the mirror.

“This’ll be over soon. All this shit.” Frank says, his voice a tone softer.

“I nearly choked last time I saw him.” Franks hand got tighter on your thigh, knowing you were talking about Bobby. “Going back there, knowing he’s waiting… it’s just freaking me out.”

“I’m not gonna let ‘im anywhere near you.” He stopped himself for a second, keeping his eyes on the road when he spoke again. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Sure I don’t.”

“You don’t. You… look, I can go in there, clean this shit out, meet you back in New York in a day.” You swallowed a laugh— because only he would make any of this seem that simple. Sure, you could give this over to him, or Madani, or you could have just told Karen where he was, and within the day it would be swarmed by agents.

All this could be over, and you could wash your hands of it.

But the truth was— even if you didn’t want to say it out loud, or admit it to anyone, you wanted this. You chose this, to finish this with your own two hands. You might not have wanted to turn out like this, but it was who you were now. You look at Frank, someone who’s life would have been completely different had he chosen a different life, but here he was. He had chosen to live like this, gotten the revenge he needed, and it might have taken a part of him with it, but you still looked at him and saw good.

For all the violence and blood on your hands, this was one time you were going to get what you needed— what you deserved.

“No. I want this.” Is all you said, and the two of you drove in silence, Franks hand never moving from your thigh.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

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