#it took me only fucking 2.30 hours

[samwritessblog]

THE MEMORY LANE AND THEN YOU-Kinza mh khan

So to describe or elaborate on my new enhancing memory lane feel for you is not a strange form to me, I have been doing this to myself and now I am trying not to back away from thinking of her,i cannot let go of thinking about you in my 24 hours of span in a day. I can not just undo it, I am so sort of over-attached or over-addicted to her, that I can't unlove her, I am in awe of her look, smile, kiddo voice, her caring angered wittiness everything just falls perfectly in my heart.

Rather than ignoring and getting myself so self-busy,i can not just undo that, i am sort of delusion for myself, getting up doing work, playing cricket, then hitting the gym, then badminton ...surrounded by so many friends at diff timelines of the day but yet once i hit back to back ..only one thing hitting my mind is your thoughts...how i really messed up thing ...i am thinking about u all night ...blaming myself for whatever happens,, i was so ignorant ...ngl ..always in hurry to pack stuff and fly to you and just hug you kinzo ...the night time keeps me reminded of that timing 2.30 pm ...you first time proposed me and i was so puzzled how to reply ..it was like going really fast ..we met 20 days ago and the way u said all that even you knew everything about me nd my past life...ngl i was so impressed and at the same time got confused ....my heart was racing and pacing with so much confusion...i didn't ghost you just took my time before committing anything...i need to be sure whether that can work or not ...but yeah i heard of my heart nd didn't bother about ur religion... i literally thought it is gonna be one more such casual relationship after some time like 6 months we gonna end up after some fun and alll...Days go by but memory and adoring u so much remain still like pond water.

but the time keeps that spark between us ., u getting in my head .. made me so vulnerable to you like I was so keen on know u all...felt love for you like I did for my payal( ex in school time) , but one thing really messed me up like u put me in the situations like which nevr gonna happen...I was sort of falling for u and when u asked about meeting my friend and fam that time i was really worried cause I was not looking for shell locked serious relationship..our conversation nd meeting became so much better day by day .. i totally felt ur love nd starting to love u even more...

So the time was i was in Vizag, with my friend at RK and then u suddenly called me and asked me u wanna register for marriage with me, that took me by storm and surprises me... i wasn't ready to hear, and didn't wanna, to mess up things ...but i agreed to not break ur, heart, after days of ignorance ...i was so down and so happy ...

So then after that, u kept on forcing me to do this and that stuff and mingling wid ur cousins which i really felt uncomfortable...i was like what i am doing .. I am Hindu and u r Muslim...this thing always was in my mind .. I was brainwashed by love but eventually, my cousin's sis told me some good advice when i told her about this situation..cause it's totally a fucked up mess if we do register nd all ...i love my family, and can't go beyond their values...

all this started an argument and tussle and which end up being very violent and toxic .. I literally lost my mind and was missing our older versions when we are in that zone of the breakup...i knew this not gonna last longer .. that's why out of nowhere i said u bipolar and all really worsen the situation and eventually we parted ways...i always wanted to apologize.. it's been like gonna be 1 year in August since we broke up but the memory of u remains in my head rent-free...i was totally wrong like I can't love anyone more than Payal until I met you Kenzo...

THE LIFE IS SHORT, THE WORLD IS WIDE...

LET'S MAKE MEMORIES HOLDING YOU BY MY SIDE...K2H

[momo-de-avis]

Listen to me. LISTEN to me.

If you're signing up for a tour that you paid for, and it's a walking tour, I am BEGGING YOU to PLEASE use the bathroom before the tour. I get that when you gotta go, you gotta go. I get that it's mostly unexpected. But I have not managed to finish a tour in less than 4 hours because so many people have to use the bathroom.

If we stop at an establishment and I tell you "there is a bathroom here, you can use it" GO NOW. WHY would you wait until everyone has already been to the bathroom and everyone has eaten their pastry to THEN say "oh, actually, I need to use the bathroom". I've already waited 15/20 minutes for everyone, and now I have to wait an extra 5/10 because ONLY NOW you've decided to go to the bathroom.

Also, if I JUST TOLD YOU where to use the bathroom, WHY would you wait until we turn the street to tell me "is there a bathroom nearby"?

Like, I genuinely don't get how so many people absolutely fail at bathroom etiquette. I'm supposed to end the tour at 1/1.30, and for the last three months I have not finished a single one before 2/2.30 because it gets so out of control.

To give you an idea. Today, it took us longer than usual at the usual stop because one person was allergic to everything and they kept asking for alternatives without making up their mind. Then, after one person went into the bathroom, we had the same issue at the second stop. Then, one person decides they need a pharmacy, so I have to stop again to wait for them. Then, as we're nearing the elevator we have to take to go up, one person decides that RIGHT NOW they need the bathroom, so we have to wait extra 15 minutes. THEN, on the second elevator, yet ANOTHER PERSON needs the bathroom, so now I have to wait 10 minutes more for this person.

When you add up, it took me ONE HOUR to walk less than a fucking mile. Do you understand how fucking frustrating this is, having to go through this every single fucking tour? Every single time, I am one hour late because you need to stop constantly? There are other people in the group!!!! There are people here who need to be elsewhere by 2 or 2.30!!!!

Please PISS BEFORE YOU GO ON A WALKING TOUR. I CANNOT MATERIALISE BATHROOMS FOR YOU. I DON'T HAVE PORTA POTTIES WITH ME. AND I CAN'T BE LATE EVERY TIME

[andysbubba]

home office

request: hey can you do a Bucky x Reader were the reader is a teacher and they are taking a conference call but Bucky is horny so Bucky decides to fuck her while shes on the phone and tells her if shes quiet and doesn't moan on the whole then she'll get to cum after the call

first ever request and first ever smut (and first bucky barnes fic too 😳😳😳)

warnings: cockwarming / sex w/o protection

𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

—

Bucky has been doing his own thing the whole morning. You didn’t really have a problem with that since you had Zoom lessons almost the whole morning too.

You teach a bunch of teens at the high school just about a 15 minutes walk from your home with Bucky. But due to the whole Covid-19 crap, all classes have been shifted online and you only had Zoom and whatever other sites there are on the internet to help you keep in touch with your students.

“Alright, teens. I just sent out the notes for Outbreak of War in Europe yesterday night.” You swiped through the faces on the screen of your Macbook. “Jesus. What the hell were you all doing last night?”

You just got whines in reply. You had a bond with your students. You were one of the younger teachers in the school so it was easy for you to talk and bond with the teens. Not forgetting that they were also an extremely easy bunch to deal with.

You roll your eyes at your students. “Fine. 15 minutes break.” You glanced down at the watch on your wrist. “Freshen up, make some coffee or something. And then I expect 100% attention when all of you get back. And then a Kahoot quiz since that always wake you people up.”

“You’re the best, Mrs Barnes!”

You chuckled lightly, “I know, I know. Now shoo. See you in 15.”

You turned off the camera and mic on your Macbook, before standing up to stretch. You had 15 minutes to look for Bucky... and make some coffee.

Hey. Teachers stay up late too.

Just as you were about to leave you home office, there was a knock on the door. Just a second or two after, the door opens and Bucky peeks in before he fully enters.

“Hey doll,” He grins at you, walking towards you with a mug of coffee in hand.

“You’re an angel, Mr Barnes.” You blissfully smile at him as he passes you the mug.

He hums and wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you into his chest. “Are you done yet?”

You set the mug on the table behind you before turning back to him and wrapping your arms around his neck. “Nope. 15 minutes break and then I’ll only end at 2.30.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.” You went on your tiptoes and leaned in to kiss Bucky.

“I have to wait one full hour before I get to fuck that cunt again?” Bucky raises an eyebrow at you.

You glare at him before harshly slapping him on his chest. “Buck!”

“What?” He asks innocently. “You’re not gonna make me wait, are you, honey?” His hand tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. The other was on your hip, trailing under your blouse and then tracing circles on your bare skin.

“Bucky,” You sternly said. Though you were very sure it had no impact on him.

“I think you’re forgetting whose cunt this is.” His hand trails to your jaw and tilts your chin up to look at him. “Did you forget?”

“No...” You look up at him, knowing damn well that if you deny him this time round, he’s gonna make the next few days a living hell for you.

“Good girl. Keep my cock warm. I’ll let you cum when your class ends if you’re good.” He slides his hand under your skirt and immediately felt your bare pussy. The smirk on his face grows wider. “You didn’t even wear panties, huh? Were you expecting me to do this?”

You cling on to his shoulders as the tip of his finger caressed your clit. “Buck,”

“I got you, little one.” His arm wrapped tightly around your waist to hold you up. His metal arm was the one under your skirt. He brings his finger up and brought it close to your mouth. “You’re so fucking wet already, love. Bet you’ll fit just nice around my cock, won’t you?”

You whimper weakly as he sticks his metal fingers in your mouth, before pulling it out. The metal glistening with your saliva before he slides back under your skirt and slips his fingers into your opening. You whimper loudly at the feeling of the cold metal.

“Bucky, please.”

“I’ll take care of you, pretty girl. Later.” He pulls his fingers out of your pussy. The emptiness leaving your pussy gaping for more.

He strides to your office chair, dragging you behind him. He sits first, only pulling the waistband of his sweatpants past his cock. He was already hard. Jesus.

He gestures for you to sit on him. With staggered steps, you set yourself on him, only his tip going past you before he completely loses his patience and gripped your waist. He pulled you down fully onto his cock, not giving you a little time to adjust to his size. Bucky was thick. And adequately long. And god, does he fill you.

You yelp loudly, earning yourself a slap on your clit. You flinch when he grips at your jaw and whispered harshly into your ear. “None of those noises. You don’t want them to know what a whore Mrs Barnes is, do you?”

You took deep breaths before your hand moved to the cursor. His hands stopped your wrist. “Remember. Camera off and stay still.”

He lets go of you when he made his point clear. You shakily clicked the unmute button.

“A-alright everyone. Come back. S-sorry guys. My camera c-can’t seem to work. But I’ll still share the slides.” The fullness in you was something else. Something you can’t truly explain. It really was disrupting the way you think.

Bucky was calm and nonchalant behind you. (Like he doesn’t have his fucking cock stuck in you while you’re teaching a bunch of kids about how World War 2 started) Fucks sake, he even took out his phone and started playing candy crush.

“Invasion of Poland.” You speak out. “Someone tell me when that happened.”

“First September 1939.”

You chocked as Bucky’s cock twitched in you. “Thanks, Edward.”

“Are you okay, Mrs Barnes?”

“I’m good, Peter. Dry throat.”

“Now, when did Britain and France declare war on Germany?”

“Third September 1939, Mrs Barnes.”

“Great! Thanks Hannah.” You slightly rolled your shoulder, that only caused you to slightly shift around Bucky. You covered your almost moan with a cough.

Bucky barely glanced at you because of it.

“Now, there are three factors leading to the Germany’s invasion of Poland and then the eventual declaration of war by British and France.” You cleared your throat when Bucky’s left hand lands on your thigh. “One is the Weakness of the League of Nations, followed by Hitler’s expansionistic policy and lastly the Policy of Appeasement.”

You stifled in another moan when Bucky slides one hand under your blouse and rubbed your stomach with his metal palm.

-

“Good job, everyone. And seriously, stop sleeping so late.” You chided.

Bucky hasn’t been easy on you for the past hour. His hand was on your inner thigh and then it grazed over your clit. And then he purposely sat up, and his cock shifted inside you, hitting your cervix.

You had to use everything in you to hold in a loud whimper.

“Thank you, Mrs Barnes.”

“Have a good day, Mrs Barnes.”

“Bye everyone.” You clicked ‘end meeting’ at the top of the screen and then you were leaning back against Bucky and relaxing against him.

You sighed loudly, relieved that you got through the whole thing without slipping up.

“Up and over the desk.”

You whine into his neck.

“Either that or I fuck you against the wall. I won’t go easy on you either way, Y/N.”

You struggled to stand up, your pussy a little sore from being stretched for the past hour. You shut your Macbook, pushing it aside and bending over your work desk.

Your ass was probably on the same level as Bucky’s face.

“Good girl.”

He unzips your skirt and pulled it down. Your bare ass now presented to him. He stands up behind you and wrapped his hands around the fabric of your blouse before he completely rips it apart.

You gasp in shock.

He laughs humorlessly when he noticed you weren’t wearing a bra either. He pressed your face into the cold glass of your desk. His other hand trailing down your spine and left shivers all around your back.

“If I truly did fuck you in class earlier on, you would be all for it wouldn’t you?” He teases, his cock was trailing on your pussy lips. “You’re lucky I had a little patience left.”

“Please, Bucky.”

“Beg, Y/N.”

“Please, please, please. Fuck me please. Need your cock so bad, Buck. Feel so fucking empty without your cock.” Your ass grinds back against his cock.

He thrusts into you immediately. Hands gripping tightly at your waists and his metal arm leaving bruises on your hips.

Bucky was so fucking deep in you. 3 years of marriage and yet you could never get used to Bucky’s cock. He was always so big and made you feel so full.

The drag of his cock against the walls of your pussy felt like a dream. All the pent up tension from before was all in how hard he fucked you. Like a man starved.

“Fuck. You already clenching around me, honey. You gonna cum already?” One hand moved into your hair and pulled your upper body up from the desk and into his chest.

“Know how hot is it when you talk all smart like some genius? How you have all that information stored in your brain when I can’t even remember what I ate yesterday?” He pants into your ear.

You moan helplessly as his thrusts sped up. “Buck, Buck, Buck.” You chanted his name like a prayer.

“I got you, little one. Cum around my cock.” Bucky groans as he keeps up his pace.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head as your head rests on Bucky’s shoulder. His metal hand pinched and rubbed at your clit. “Cum.”

You let go with a loud moan, spilling around him uncontrollably.

He pulls out of you and laid you on your back. One of your legs was on his shoulder before he started thrusting you again and chasing his own high.

Bucky kept the same pace as before, his pelvis hitting your clit and that same spot everytime he thrusts deeply. Your one leg was wrapped around his waist pulling him in.

“Such a good girl for me.” He leans down and kisses you, open mouthed and all tongues. “Fuck, baby. I’m gonna cum.”

You felt his cock twitch before he completely stills inside you and let go. A warmth fills you as he spills his seepd in you. “Shit, Y/N.”

He pulls out of you, settling on your office chair as you both pant.

“First and last, James. I don’t want to lose my job.”

“Yes ma’am. That was good, though.”

You got up on your elbows and pointedly look at him. “Every sex is good with you, Mr Barnes.”

“Sorry. I was hard and I couldn’t wait.”

You roll your eyes at him. “So you made me sit on your cock while you play candy crush?”

He chuckles lightly before kissing your inner thighs. “Don’t get sassy now, my wife. You know I’ll make it up to you, baby.”

[desertofsnowflakes]

Incorrect Order Chapter 4 (Nessian AU)

A/N: I know I haven't been able to update as fast as you'd want me to but I'll try to fix that. Your comments and feedbacks are very much appreciated. Do inform me if you wanna be added/removed from the taglist! If you happen to find my storyline similar to another fic or one of yours, I'm extremely sorry, I might've just not known. All characters belong to the author Sarah J. Mass. Enjoy!

Summary: Don't first impressions always affect the way you see someone? Well, what more with the Nesta Archeron? Nesta meets Cassian at few unexpected places and to say it didn't go well was a major understatement. Certain circumstances make them become enemies to tolerable company to friends to lovers.

Trigger Warnings: None really

1652words | Incorrect Order Masterlist | Read on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The best way to keep whatever problems one has out of their mind was to do something they liked. That was the only way Cassian kept from spiraling. Since sending the woman to her own house, Cassian had more than a few moments when he wanted to repeatedly slam his head against a wall. That’s why he spent most of his time sparring with Azriel. He won’t admit he was simping for that woman in his free time too. Or maybe that was always.

Now, sprawled on a couch in front of the TV, with nothing to do but stare at a blank screen, Cassian led his thoughts to the box he kept all unwanted thoughts locked in. He thought about Tomas, her ex-boyfriend. Funny, he thought. I know her ex's name but not hers.

It took him a little too long the other day to realise they didn't exchange names. Again. He once thought that maybe she was purposely not giving him her name. That maybe, for her, he was just a random stranger who happened to save her life. He snorted. Surely anyone would know the name of the person they saved or was saved by— stranger or not. He supposed he'll have to make do with pronouns for now.

After she left his home, it took every scrap of self-restraint not to beat this Tomas dude to pulp and let him rot in the same alley he had the misfortune of meeting him in. He may or may not have been the cause for some extra injuries. Cassian appreciated the woman’s attempt at mercy. He, however, didn’t trust Tomas at all. He was dubious about just handing him over to the police. Who’s to know he won’t frame him and the woman for absurd things? Anyway, he left a note in Tomas’s house saying something like “Step out of line, lose your favourite part of anatomy. Name it and have it for your meal.” He made sure he printed so that no one would recognise his writing. Yet, all this didn’t calm his nerves one bit. He presumed he’ll have to stay on guard for some time now.

Now, back to the girl. He sighed. He didn’t dare change the sheets in his guest bedroom. He didn’t even let Mor use the room when she came over last weekend— which he could bet created suspicion. No, that room was only open when he craved her scent. He even realised one of his shirts was missing. He shrugged it off thinking he would've left it somewhere and just couldn't find it. Once she came to his house, he was constantly thinking about her. So much that now he started pinching himself often. It was the only way he could stop thinking about her— by creating physical pain.

Cassian glanced at the clock on the wall. 2.30 in the afternoon. He walked to the refrigerator and checked his freezer compartment. Huh. No ice-cream. He sighed, grabbed his jacket and keys and headed to the mall to get an ice-cream with a pout. He’ll have to leave for Rhys and Feyre’s first anniversary only around 5.30 to prepare everything. He has enough time to get an ice-cream and probably hang out for some time. Good enough to stop thinking about her. Or so he thought.

***

Nesta wasn’t sore anymore. Her headache was gone almost a week after the incident. Her nose didn’t hurt anymore. Okay, maybe a little bit. It didn’t hurt unless she bumped her nose against something. Today, her nose was dully throbbing because she hit her nose against a pillow yesterday. A very, very soft pillow and yet it hurt this much.

The man’s first-aid and medicines were really helpful.

It really wasn’t fair that he excelled at basic first aid too. It wasn’t fair that he looked so good. With black tattoos swirling over generously muscled arms and shoulder-length dark hair curling at the edges and gloriously tanned skin and hazel eyes with minute flecks of green and brown when taken a closer look at and dimples and—

A quiet “Who is it?” snapped Nesta out of her moping. She looked up to see Gwyn walking to her.

“Who is what?” she asked, feigning nonchalance. Gwyn's pursed lips and glare conveyed that her act wasn't enough.

“Who are you thinking about?” Gwyn clarified.

“What makes you think I'm thinking about someone?” Nesta retorted.

Gwyn sat on the chair next to her and started assisting with classifying the unceremonious heap of books on the table to be kept back in its correct positions on its own rack.

“Nesta,” Gwyn sighed, “Clotho assigned you this stack almost an hour ago. And you've barely finished a third of the stack. Normally, you'd finish stacks bigger than this in an hour. So there's clearly something.”

“It wasn't anyone,” Nesta mumbled.

As usual, Gwyn saw through her lie. “You were twirling your hair,” she said flatly.

Heat inched up her neck. “I was not!”

Gwyn murmured a “uh-huh” and they lapsed into an easy silence till they were almost over.

Gwyn's eyes lit up as it normally did whenever she got an idea. “Is it him? The guy you came with that day?”

Nesta scowled, “How do you know…” she broke off when she realised which 'that day' Gwyn was talking about. Nesta fought back a blush. “No, no, this isn't about him. We don't know each other. Much. Like, we've seen each other a number of times? That's it. Nothing else.” Cauldron, the first part was a complete lie. But at least the rest are true. Will Gwyn happen to know his name? Maybe I ought to ask her. Or maybe I shouldn't.

She should, she decided. She cleared her throat. “Uh, Gwyn? Do you happen to know his name?”

Gwyn frowned and asked, “He hasn't told you yet?”

Nesta shook her head and answered, “No, we, uh, forgot. I guess. We haven't really exchanged names.”

Gwyn nodded and smiled. “Well, he is—”

“Gwyn!” a voice called. “You can't expect me to come over to you and beg for you to help me. Help me only if you want to or don't work under me.”

Gwyn’s eyes widened. She abruptly stood up and mouthed, “Merrill. I gotta go. I’m so sorry.” She all but ran to Merrill, the very strict librarian Gwyn was working under.

Nesta sighed and continued her work. There wasn’t much left so she was able to finish fast. She picked her things and left the library with a word to Clotho, heading to the mall.

***

The best way to keep whatever problems one has out of their mind was to also eat something they liked. So, ice-cream it was. After having his ice-cream, Cassian was aimlessly walking around the mall. Here, not more than a month ago, he met her for the first time. Almost a month ago. He huffed out a breath. The fact that he was pining for her this long blew his mind off. He—

“This is your fault— not mine. I’m not taking the blame for this,” he told her. They bumped into each other. Again.

Her lips quirked up. “It is kind of my fault. But blame this—,” she poked his chest, “— for making my nose hurt again.”

Just like that, his mood sobered. “How are you?” he asked.

She pointed at the cafe to her left. “Coffee?”

He nodded. Who was he to say no to her?

So they ordered coffee and talked about everything and nothing. He grinned and she laughed. He laughed and she smirked. He wouldn’t say he knew her well but he’d never seen her so carefree. Her laugh was like nectar for a starving man. Her eyes bright and welling up with tears from laughing.

“I don’t think I’ve laughed this much,” she said.

Cassian put a hand on his heart dramatically and said, “I know, I know. I’m very funny.”

Her lips kicked up a notch. She straightened as if she just realised something. He was about to ask when she drawled, “So I just realised that we still haven’t exchanged names.”

Oh. Right. Of course. “Yeah,” he nodded. “Usually, when people meet, they start with introductions but in our case we’ve literally bumped into each other three times and still we don’t know each other.” He shook his head and extended his hand. “Well, hello there. I’m—”

His phone rang in his pocket. Fuck. He was going to kill whoever was calling him now. He was so close to knowing her name. He pulled out his phone to see an incoming call from Azriel. He apologetically looked up at her and said, “I’m sorry. I wish I could choose not to take this call and instead kill this idiot but I can’t. Just give me a moment, okay?”

She nodded and he picked up his call.

“What do you want?” he hissed.

“It’s 5.30 already, you idiot. We’ve got to get the things ready for the party. Mor already went to get the cake and you’re not even at home. Where on all earth and hell are you?” came Az’s faint voice.

“15 minutes only? Mother above, I’m coming.” he said.

Az’s “make it fast” was the last thing he heard before hanging up. “I wish we could stay here and talk forever,” he said to her, “but I have something up in a short while and I totally didn’t realise time was passing this fast. I’m so sorry. It was nice talking to you. Really. And I wish we could meet again. Though without the bumping part.”

He grinned when she smiled and said, “Bye. Have a nice day.”

“You too,” he called back. He didn’t want to think he imagined the subtle look of disappointment on her face because hell, he was a walking epitome of disappointment right now.

taglist:

@shadowsinger07 @im-someone-i-guess @saltyfortunes @cressjacquine @julian-blackthorn-supremacy @champanheandluxxury @zemiraa @ladygabrielli1997 @nehemikkele @heartless--aromantic @sv0430 @ddsworldofbooks @irenethaleia @sjm-things @dontgetsalmonella

[delaber]

Just Friends (Part 2)

Story Summary: After moving to America for a 3-month long internship, you meet two interesting characters on a boring night out.

Word Count: 3.7K

Pairing: Rafael Casal x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, minor drug use, smut, slight dom!Rafa, swearing, and loads of British references (sorry not sorry lol).

Chapter Note: Thanks for your kind words! So nice to feel the love in this community. Feel free to ask and hit me up if you want to be on the tag list, have questions, suggestions, etc. /Best!

Tag List: mysearchforgratification lonelydance 

Other Parts: See Masterlist

You were trying to count eight hours ahead but with each passing margarita, the math was becoming harder and harder to do. Eventually you just opened the app on your phone and let it do it for you; it was almost 11 a.m back in England. If you went to the coat-check immediately you could call your old lab-partner Laura on your way home and get a much needed update on the project you'd both been working on before your American exchange program had started. Constantly being eight hours behind was rough on keeping in touch, and right now you missed everything back home - even the stupid yeast cells from your project that had kept dying on you and Laura.

You were just about to message Laura and tell her that she should be expecting a call from you shortly, when you were interrupted by someone clearing their throat loudly above you. You slowly looked up from your phone only to see the snarky blonde mystery man from earlier towering above you, clutching two drinks.

"Hi," he smiled as you looked up at him.

"Mystery man," you nodded in greeting.

He sent you what seemed to be his signature charming smile and you realised that his right incisor was just a little bit crooked. It was annoyingly cute.

"Mystery girl," he winked at you, "mind if I sit?" he said as he made himself comfortable on the cushion next to you.

"Uh, I guess not?" you raised an eyebrow at him.

"I brought you another double Margarita," he handed you one of the drinks he was holding, "I wanted to apologise for my behaviour earlier. I hope I'm not interrupting anything?" he nodded towards the lit phone in your hand.

"No, uh, not at all. I was just typing up an email for work," you tossed your phone aside.

The blonde mystery man sent you a sceptical look, "who types up emails for work after they've had a million drinks? Not to mention; at 2.30 in the morning?"

"What can I say except welcome to my story: the life and death of a temporally challenged European in America."

Mystery man laughed at your words, "yeah, you're far away from home, aren't you?"

"Oh what gave it away, bruh?" you said slowly, doing your best to fake a Californian dialect.

Mystery man almost choked on his drink, "You're British?" he asked with a smile while wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Nice to finally see his human side.

"English," you nodded.

"Definitely far away from home then," mystery man nodded, "you here on holiday?"

"I'm actually here for a couple of months in a mandatory exchange program as part of my PhD."

"PhD, huh?" He looked impressed, "damn, I could tell you were smart."

"Well," you said quietly, turning your eyes away from his burning gaze.

He sensed your discomfort at his statement and continued, "What about your friends over there? Why aren't you out dancing with them?" He pointed towards Miranda and her two friends on the dance floor.

You were just about to tell him about your situation with the three girls when you realised something, "hey; how'd you know they're my friends? Been keeping an eye on me, have you?" you laughed at his suddenly stiff smile.

"Well," he ran a hand through his blonde hair while licking his lips slowly, clearly trying to come up with a clever answer, "I couldn't just let you leave before you've found out where you know me from, now could I? Have you given it more thought?"

"No, I actually haven't thought about you at all," you teased him, earning yourself a sincere laugh from the guy, "but... that being said; I'm no closer to guessing it than I was a few hours ago. Although I am sure that I've seen both you and your friend before. So if you have any ideas, I'd be much obliged."

"Hey; I don't know," he shrugged, "I'm just trying to get you to admit to your obvious pick-up line."

"That was not a pick-up line!" you chuckled, "I was genuinely wondering where I've seen you before."

"That's what they all say," mystery man rolled his eyes with a playful smile on his lips, "you're lucky it worked, you know."

"Too bad it didn't work on your friend though," you clicked your tongue, mocking him before continuing in a whisper, "it was intended for him."

He clutched his heart in mock offence, "Ah!" he exclaimed as if he'd been shot, "sadly, that's what they all say too..."

"Aw, you poor man," you smiled and took a sip of the drink he had handed you.

"So why aren't you out dancing with your friends? They seem..." he hesitated as he looked them over, "...fun?" he tried.

"I think you just answered your own question," you laughed.

"Good point," he mumbled.

"Why aren't you out dancing with your friend?" you nodded towards his friend Diggs who was casually moving on the dance floor next to a swarm of girls who all seemed to want his attention.

"Well, I've been patiently waiting for the only interesting woman in here to go dance so I could casually bump in to her on the dance floor. But apparently her ass is glued to this booth. If I was out grinding on Diggs, I wouldn't be able to talk to her - Which would really be a shame as she is without a doubt the prettiest woman in the room," mystery man smiled.

You made a gagging noise at his horrible attempt at flirting.

"Over the top?" He laughed.

"Way over the top!" You joined in, "remember; I'm British. We like it low-key."

"What? You want me to invite you out for tea and scones instead?" he said in a horrible cockney accent.

"It wouldn't hurt your chances," you laughed, "but I'm good with the margarita for now."

"So you don't want to go out with me?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Nope."

"So the way you were staring at me and Diggs earlier really wasn't an attempt to flirt?"

"No," you laughed at him. He looked almost shocked.

Mystery man squinted his eyes as if seizing you up, "You're completely unfazed, aren't you?" He said.

"About what?"

"Well about me being charming as fuck of course," he said with a chuckle.

"Meh," you shrugged. It wasn't true. You were completely mesmerised by him. But he was acting too cocky for you to not give him a challenge.

"Meh?" He repeated.

"You're bloody cute - I'll give you that. But you're a silver tongue, and well... let's be honest; you need the rejection."

"Are you challenging me?" He raised an eyebrow at you, "it feels like you're challenging me..."

"Hey, no need to feel down by the rejection. I'm doing this for you. I have your best interest of heart," you laughed, touching your heart with the palm of your hand.

He looked you over for a couple of seconds, "I cannot figure you out."

"Well that's a good thing, isn't it? Keeps things interesting."

"Yeah, you definitely strike me as a girl who keeps things interesting... What's your name?"

"You can call me -" your eyes landed on the drink in front of you and you remembered the bartender’s words from earlier, "- Margarita Girl. As that is probably how you're going to remember me after tonight," you smiled.

"How about breaking-my-heart-girl?" He smirked.

"Ah see; you're doing it again," you pointed your finger at him and he laughed at you, "you're way over the top. Keep it low-key for Margarita Girl, damn," you laughed.

"Okay, so we're really not doing names?" His smile grew wide. He was probably already thinking about how hot it'd be to fuck a girl's brain out without even having to bother to learn her name first. Textbook fuck boy.

"Let's keep it interesting," you reciprocated his smile with a small shrug, "what can I call you?"

"You can call me whatever the fuck you want," he said cockily, probably realising that by asking for his name, you'd agreed to spend more time with him.

"Okay, Margarita girl and Mystery Man it is."

"Sounds like a superhero duo," he smiled.

"Interesting. What are our powers?"

"Well, in line with our names: you're intoxicating as fuck luring in all the bad guys, and I have the ability to turn invisible."

"Only creeps want to have a superpower where they can vanish on command," you laughed at him.

He was about to retort when he was interrupted by a male voice coming from beside you, "Hey Rafa!"

You'd been so fixated on the blonde man in front of you that you hadn't even seen Diggs approach your booth with a swarm of girls at his heel. So his name is Rafa? Odd, you thought to yourself but had enough decency to pretend that you hadn't heard.

"What's up," Mystery man - or Rafa apparently - responded to his friend.

"The bar is about to close. I'm thinking about grabbing a cab home. You coming?"

Rafa looked at you briefly before answering, "I think I'm good for now, bro."

"Alright, see you tomorrow then," Diggs padded Rafa on the shoulder before heading towards the door.

Rafa turned his attention back on you and stared at you with a small smile playing on his lips, "So bar's closing down in a bit," he said, "maybe we can squeeze in another drink somewhere else?"

"Yeah, no," you shook your head, "I think I'm about to head home. I have a long walk ahead of me. If you're fast, you can still catch your friend and join him in that taxi though."

Rafa looked at you, "do you live far away from here?"

"I live over on the corner of Mayflower and Lafayette," you responded, "it's roughly a 30-minute walk or something."

"Yeah, I know where it is - I live close by," he eyed you carefully, "if you want to, we could walk together?"

"Taxi doesn't sound too enticing?"

"Meh, I'd much rather take the walk," he shrugged

"Alright then," you nodded, "I guess I wouldn't mind the company."

"Aw," Rafa said, "I think that's the sweetest thing you've said to me all night!"

No more than ten minutes later, you were both wearing your coats and were headed in the direction of the townhouse you were sharing with another British girl, Samantha, who you'd met online a couple of weeks back.

"So how do you find California?" Rafa asked you after a couple of minutes of walking.

"I like it. It's different, that's for sure," you sighed, "but I think it's quite great here."

"Different how? Are you from a small town or something?"

"I'm from a small town called London. I don't know if you've heard of it?" you teased him.

"Hey, don't get smart with me," he laughed, "But in all honesty; apart from the obvious, how is L.A. so different from London?

"You know... London's population is almost twice as big as that of L.A., yet somehow everything's just bigger over here."

"Yeah," he nodded, "I could imagine. I remember the first time I was in L.A... It completely blew me away."

"You mean you're not from here?"

He shook his head, "I'm from up north. I moved here a few years back to focus on my career."

"Yeah? What do you do?" You asked curiously.

"Hey; what's the point of not having names if you know all about my career?"

"That's not fair. You already know that I'm a nerd," you winked up at him, pronouncing the last word as he would've.

He smiled down at you, "yeah sorry for calling your field of work nerdy earlier," he laughed awkwardly.

"I work in a lab. It is nerdy to be honest," you laughed, "no need to worry."

"It's just... I don't think I've ever pictured anybody looking like you to... you know.... actually be a nerd," he chuckled.

"We come in all shapes and sizes," you winked up at him and noticed how his smile grew wider, "as I'm sure people in your line of work do."

"Smooth u-turn you just did there," he laughed at you, "Well," he drawled, "if you absolutely must know, I moved to L.A. to focus on my music."

"You're a musician?" You looked up at him. Of course he was. Probably one of those douchy John Mayer-types who brought their guitar everywhere and always had to play Wonderwall at every. single. party. "Is that where I know you from? Am I currently being walked home by a well-renowned musician that girls from all over the world would be dying to be serenaded by?" You laughed.

"I assure you that millions of girls would kill to be in your position right now - but I highly doubt that it's because of the music," he chuckled, "I don't even have an album out."

"What kind of music do you do?"

"Rap mostly," he said proudly.

You looked him over; you would not have taken him for a rapper. "Oh, that's... cool," you said quietly.

He looked at you with a bemused smile, "what? You don't like rap music?"

"I hate it..." you whispered with a chuckle.

"WHAT?" He bellowed while looking at you with huge eyes, "are you insane?"

"Right after accordion-music, it is the worst genre there possibly could be! It's probably what they play for you when you enter the gates of hell."

"I've finally done it," Rafa looked shocked, "I've gone and found the only person in L.A. that doesn't like rap. You're probably the type of person who'd murder me in my sleep!"

It made you laugh loudly, "well how else would I know what kind of music they play you down there." He chuckled at your comment and you continued, "sorry. It's just not really my style."

Rafa clutched his chest, "I'm offended! How can it not be?"

"I didn't grow up with rap music," you laughed, "Name one famous British rapper!"

"Uh, easy!" He started counting on his fingers, "Skepta, Dizzee Rascal, Giggs, Doctor Green, The Streets, Stormzy - should I just keep going?"

"Okay, okay you've made your point. Apparently, I'm uncultured."

"So, what do your uncultured ears like then? Adele? Ed Sheeran? One Direction? Should I throw in some Spice girls?" He joked.

You smacked his arm lightly, earning yourself a low chuckle from him, "oi, the fact that I'm English doesn't mean that I only listen to the pits of British music."

"Sorry," he continued in a chuckle, "but I am genuinely interested."

"Well I'm not going to tell you now. You'll just mock me!"

"If you don't tell me, I'll keep assuming the worst."

"That's not my problem," you laughed at him.

He blinked twice, his charming smile still in place, "You are easily one of the most interesting women I've ever had the company of. You keep surprising me."

"I'll take that as a compliment," you smiled up at him.

"Oh, you definitely should."

You kept walking side-by-side for a couple of minutes, talking about the differences between life in L.A. and life in London. Just like when you had observed him at the bar, he talked with much vigourosity, hands flying everywhere as he spoke, his fingers slightly brushing against yours on several occasions. You had no idea whether he was doing it on purpose or not.

He was in the middle of a story about something that had happened to him earlier that evening when you suddenly stopped dead in your tracks. He looked at you with raised eye brows, "what? Was my story boring you?"

"Not at all. But this is me," you nodded towards the small townhouse in front of you.

He let out a soft whistle, "Nice place. You live here alone?" He took in the building.

"I know it seems childish at my age but since the rent is expensive for a common student I atually have a room mate..."

"Having a roomie is not childish," he laughed, " I know society would have you believe that, but fuck 'em. It's much nicer than living alone. I have a roomie too; Diggs - you know, the guy you met earlier tonight."

"Oh! That's why he asked you to come home with him," you teased him.

Rafa shot back his head with laughter, "you really thought we were an item or something?"

"Hey, who am I to judge?"

Rafa continued to chuckle, "I love the man but it's completely platonic. Also; he's too ripped for my taste," Rafa joked.

"Waaaaay too ripped!" You chimed in, rolling your eyes to match Rafa's.

"So manly!"

"Too manly!" You continued in an over-exaggerated tone.

"...And he definitely doesn't have enough tattoos!" He continued.

"That man is a boring plain canvas," you joked.

"I keep telling him that a tattoo on his pec would do him good. But - sigh - he never listens."

You looked him over and couldn't hold back a small snicker, "Strong words coming from you."

"Yeah? What do you mean?"

"You're not exactly the 'tatted up'-type, now are you?"

"I have several tattoos," he chuckled.

"Eh, you do?"

"Yeah," he nodded with a vibrant smile, "on my chest and arms."

"I did not see that coming," you laughed.

"See - I can be interesting and unpredictable too," he looked awfully proud of himself, "How about you? Do you have any?"

"I do," you nodded, "just a small one. It's embarrassing really..."

"Yeah? Where?" He smiled sweetly. Even though it was dark, you could easily make out his charming crooked tooth.

"Uhm..." you contemplated not telling him but ended up thinking to hell with it, "it's on my inner thigh," you said carefully. Talking about your dumb tattoo that was located at a highly sexual place wasn't exactly something you'd normally do with men you'd only just met.

"Inner thigh, huh?" He licked his lips while examining your face, "not gonna lie; the thought alone turns me the fuck on!" He laughed, "why don't you invite me inside so we can study eachother's  tattoos?" He took a step closer to you. The sweet, charming guy who you'd had the pleasure of walking by your side was suddenly replaced by the fuck boy from the bar.

"You really don't waste your time, do you?" You laughed at him. Men you'd been on several dates with back home in England hadn't even been half as forthcoming as this guy was and you hadn't even known him for more than a couple of hours.

"Sorry," he shrugged while not looking the least bit apologetic, "I might've had a drink too many, but all I've been able to think about tonight has been how I want to take you home and get to know you better," he said while leaning in and stroking his thumb on the side of your arm, "you seem... different."

"Okay; full disclosure," you said with a sigh, "you're cute and all, but I'm not going to sleep with you."

He sent you a pout, "why not?"

"Well, as much a turn-on as it is to have a grown man beg you for sex," (he laughed at that), "I'm not going to have casual sex with someone I've only just met."

"Who says it has to be casual?" He smirked while leaning even closer, "I can do you good."

"God, you're insufferable," you rolled your eyes at him while fighting the urge to just jump him.

"But the good kind of insufferable, right?"

You laughed at his remark while slowly leaning closer to him, "no," you whispered.

"I'm really fighting hard not to kiss you right now," he groaned as he released his lower lip from between his teeth, a small smile playing on the corners of his mouth. His put hands on your waist, and he was slowly edging his face closer to yours.

Your fingers easily found the back of his skull, and you softly nuzzled with his hairline, silently telling him that it'd be alright for him to kiss you.

His hungry gaze was fixated on your smile as his lips came crashing onto yours, finally closing the distance between you completely. As soon as your lips touched, he stopped dead in his tracks however; he was clearly waiting for you to take the next step - which you did, but not as fiercely as he would have hoped; instead of attacking him - as he was used to when he normally whipped up this move - you captured his lips in a soft, tender kiss, lips barely touching but still with so much raw emotion spilling into him, that he was left with a weird feeling in his chest. He thought to himself that the way you reciprocated the kiss almost was... loving? It was definitely something he hadn't tried in years.

He was about to pull you closer and advance further into the kiss, when you pulled your face away from his and whispered, "I've had a great night tonight. Thank you." You stepped out of his arms.

"Ah, you're being serious," he said with just a hint of hurt to his voice, trying to pull you back to him without any luck.

"Yep," you laughed while turning away from him.

"Hey," he called from behind you, "will I see you again?"

"You know where I live, don't you?" You looked at him over your shoulder. His hair was a mess and he was looking at you all innocently while you continued to walk away from him.

"What? You want me to make a big romantic gesture or something?" He laughed.

"You have my address, do what you want," you smiled before turning away from him and towards your front door.

You heard him groan from behind you as you put your key in the door, "Hey, I don't even know your name!" He bellowed.

"It's Margarita Girl."

"Aw, come on. The least thing you could do is give me your name," he called from the pavement.

"Goodnight Rafa," you laughed before the door closed shut behind you.

[abovethesmokestacks]

So this has been a day

Only got 3.5 hours of sleep because an idiot friend of J's thought it was totally fine to call just to chat about bullshit on a weekday night when he knows we both have to get up early. Call kept me awake for the whole damn hour it took for J to get this guy to hang up, which led to both of us being unable to fall asleep. I tend to get stressed out if I stay up late, because I start counting down how many hours of sleep I have left, which makes me anxious about needing to go to sleep, which only makes me more awake, which leads to more stressing. It's a fun little tailspin. Do not recommend. Ugly cried ar 2.30 am because of exhaustion, finally dozed off, felt like roadkill at 6 am. Add a nice period peak with lots of cramping, a very important meeting with a new business partner and I was all set to have a great Tuesday and it was only 7 am.

Now the fun begins.

I check out a company car to go to aforementioned meeting at our field office. In my haste to get there, I only check the gas meter about halfway there. One. Fucking. Bar. So yay, let's worry about whether I'll make it to my meeting on however much gas is left and then having to go fill up the damn thing. Get to office. Correction: try to get to field office because the one street leading to our parking garage (the city is a fucking mess of one way streets) is closed off for road work. Okay, it's fine. It's fine, I'll park in the mall, and I'll just run out and update the arrival time on the parking card. Park in the mall garage. Realize some eejit has removed the parking card. Well fuck. Parking is only free with the parking card displayed.

Okay. This day is out to fuck me over, but we'll manage. Our office is just across the street. I'll run over, get a parking card, it'll be fine.

It takes me five minutes.

There is a ticket waiting for me when I get back.

It is 9 am, I am cramping, bloated, have a burgeoning headache, contemplating flinging myself into the sun and the meeting hasn't even started.

I pay the ticket because I have no energy trying to contest the thing with the soulless minions of urban environment department. There may also have been contemplation about hiding under the desk and crying some more.

I end up sitting in the meeting for three solid hours, which bizarrely is the best part of the day. Getting to go home would have been cause for celebration, but I was too exhausted. I fucking zoned out during the drive back to the point where I have no real recollection of a good 5 km stretch of the drive back.

Good times.

I swear to fucking god, if my phone or J's phone beeps even once tonight, I am throwing it out the window.

[averybritishsomething]

Long moving update

Hi! I know I promised this, and obviously I’ve been online and caught up, but here is my fun moving story. And all my shit is in my new condo. as far as I know most of it survived in one piece. So if you don’t know me, and wanted a tldr there it is! Read more cause this got long as hell

SO! Monday night I stayed up till 2 am (tuesday morning I guess) finishing packing most of the shit. Mom was coming on Tuesday (and before I continue, I just need to say that she was actually massively helpful, and not judgmental about shit, and honestly, best help I've gotten from here in a LOOOONG ass time) and I wanted to look like I was totally ready. Because some of my college moves were a complete shit show, and mom witnessed all of those. I crashed around 2.30-3 ish, planning to sleep till 9.45. Nope. the doughnuts my relator sent over (which are stans doughnuts and delicious) arrived at 9.15 instead of 11. So I broke speed records for getting dressed in something and running out to get those. Mom made it about 11.30 and we were working on the last min shit (getting all the trash out, and loading everything in my fridge/freezer into coolers because who needs to buy all new condiments). We had finished packing all the shit by a bit after 1, and had moved onto sweeping where we could (around the boxes lol) and double checking cabinets. My movers said it would only take an hour to move all of my packed shit into their truck, drive it to the new place, and get it up in the elevator. They said they would be there between 1 and 2. so. I had elevator reservations at this building for 1-5. Any time I go over, I have to pay a fee. $50 a half hour. I told the movers this in the initial email. They never gave me a phone number, everything had been over email. At 1.30 I started to get nervous. at 2 I started to call every number I could find attached to them online. Finally I got a call back at 2.15. Their previous job had run over, and I was next. They would get to my place by 3.30. Welp. nothing I can do. I reiterated the time for the elevator. And for those unfamiliar with Chicago traffic, let me tell you, rush hour starts at about 4, and lasts until 8 ish. The drive between the two places is about 15 min in a speeding uber with no traffic, or 45 min stuck in all the traffic. Or something between. They brought an extra guy they didn’t charge me for, and got all my shit out in like 20 min. Which is just fucking impressive, because I had a daybed, mattress, 3 shelves with cubes in them, a desk, chair, tv, 4 rugs, 9 under bed bins, and about 40 moving boxes, and lived in a second story walk up. 

So then mom and I ran over to the new place. Plan was, I run in, get the movers, do whatever I needed to do with security, got moms parking pass for later, while mom went back to the apartment to get the things we didn’t want the movers to move (there were like 4 smallish boxes, 2 backpacks, and the contents of the freezer that needed to be tossed into grocery bags. the boxes and backpacks were fragile and irreplaceable things, and the backpacks were legal docs, a few decent and sentimental pieces of jewelry, and my laptop), then, once mom was headed over, i’d head down, meet her in the circle drive out front, and we’d figure out parking. 

lol

So, I run in, run back to the loading bay, and can’t find a security guard. Then the movers call and they can’t figure out how to get to the back of the building. So I go out back to try to give them directions. They finally show up (traffic was awful), and one guy goes, ‘show me where to go’. So he follows me. Still no guard by the loading bay, so I head to management office. A security guard is going in, so I go to follow him and he yells at me. OOOK. I decide to go to the front desk next. They tell me to go to management and point out I only have about 45 min (I FUCKING KNOW). I say I can’t get into the management office right now, this is time sensitive, where is the security guard by the back door. She radios someone and says they’re coming around the corner. Guard who yelled at me earlier comes around the corner. I ask him. He says hes looking for someone and not to bother him. oooook. I go back to the front desk. she now says they don’t have the move in info up there, can’t prove that i am who i say i am, and that I need to move. and to head back to management. Management is a 4 min leisurely stroll from the desk btw. So i’m heading back, when a different security guard rounds the corner, and asks if im the mover. well she asks the mover if we’re moving in, and i’m like ‘nope, i am, he’s carrying the shit, i’m paying’. and she starts in on complaining about how we’ve kept her waiting all day and she wants to go home. I apologize (but like also, I paid her to be there. not to sound entitled, but she was paid to do nothing but sit in an air conditioned office waiting for me to show up, and then to watch movers walk by. I’m sorry, but good grief, i also did not want to be running late). So then we try to take the elevators. the door to the freight elevator is locked for no fucking reason. my fob won’t work. she doesn't have a key. So i run back to the front desk, and she radios for mr friendly security guard to come back. He takes his sweeet ass time walking there, and we spend 5 min staring at the glass doors separating me from the service elevators. my mover is like ‘ i hope we’re refunded for this 15 min’ and i’m like ‘bitch i wish you’d showed up on time’ internally but just nod. SO then she’s like ‘you know you just have 15 min left. ‘ and i’m like ‘yes i am aware’. and she’s like ‘i have to tell management if you run over’ and i’m like ‘yes i know this too’. so it’s unlocked, I escort the movers to my room, unlock the door, and then fucking sprint back to management office (which I still haven’t made it into today) so I can pick up my parking pass for mom, before management office closes at 5. so the movers get my shit up in like 45 min, and then move it to the correct rooms. I pay them and tip them cause apparently you’re supposed to. and then I lay down and try to stop sweating for 5 seconds.

Then mom calls. She’s on her way, and got everything but one box in her car. So I head down to the lobby (meet a neighbor I share a wall with, he seems super nice, teaches piano, was giving a lesson while i was moving in, I couldn’t hear anything. i love these thick walls) and hop in moms car, and we go to figure out the garage. We finally figure out how to get in (this took a few min, the garage system is currently complicated as they’re in the middle of renovating) get down and discover that yes we have in and out privileges with this pass, but it’s still valet. all parking I can get for guests is valet. which is awkward but ok. We meet William, who is SUPER friendly, nicely explains how the garage works, lets us leave the car by the valet stand while we unload some things, lets me use the luggage cart, just is all around awesome. So we get the shit upstairs, unload the cold shit, and run back downstairs to drive to fucking ikea. We get there, figure out the closet thing I want is too big for my closet (sigh) and order the rest of the shit to be delivered here on the 11th. So that’s when I’ll have furniture again lol.  

we go home and pass out. it’s 11, i’ve been running all day, this is deserved. 

the next day we start unpacking. I'm dealing with my clothes, mom is doing the kitchen. I hear some ‘broken pottery pieces moving around noises’ and know i’m fucked. All my fucking plates except 3 are busted. They were sturdy old plates that looked like fiestaware I got at good will and have had for nearly 10 years. They're all still wrapped in my bubble wrap. Just fucking shattered. So. that’s something I need to deal with. So far they’re the only broken things we’ve found, but damn it’s going to be a pain to replace. So once the cable guy shows up 2 hours late, and finally gets that set up, mom and I run back to the apartment, grab the last box, and go to physically drop my keys off because my landlord sucks. We get stuck in traffic cause Western is shit again, and finally make the ‘20 min’ drive according to gps in about an hour. I drop them off, and we’re back at my condo. Mom and I unpack until she leaves in the evening and then I go to my room and get online and I haven’t unpacked shit since then. I’m going to after I type this out (and send a form to the office, and ask a polite question about how do I get amazon packages delivered to the package room because my smoke alarm does not work at all and the nice matience guy who discovered that yesterday let me off without a fine, cause he could see i’d literally just moved in, but I need to fix that). But like.... i’m actually in the room! and about half the boxes are unpacked!!! which is amazing!!!! so, it had some issues, but at least i’m fucking moved!

[allie1804-fan]

The Fall (Chapter 2)

Warnings: Mentions of babyloss and grief

Chapter 1

After breakfast, Abby was allowed to charge her phone and speak to her husband.  He was so relieved to hear her sounding OK that he actually didn’t tease her about falling over whilst gawping at Keanu. His main concern was her and they agreed to wait to hear what the hospital said about her discharge before he set off since it was a 2-3 hour journey. If she needed another night in hospital,  then he could come the next day. And she was starting to think that that might be the case as she really was drowsy which was worrying the nurses somewhat. She managed to rouse herself enough to eat lunch but drifted back to sleep soon after.

Around 2.30, she found herself, for the second time that day, opening her eyes to an unfamiliar scene which instantly reminded her she wasn’t at home. It also made her think she had lost her mind, for sitting in a chair by her bed, was none other than Keanu Reeves himself. The curtain was drawn round the bed sightly to give them some privacy.

Abby tried to sit up but he quickly urged her not to.

“No, no please don’t exert yourself. They tell me you really need to rest”

She sank back on the pillow.

“Am I dreaming? I must be concussed for sure!”

“Nope, it’s me. I, errr, I just wanted to make sure you were OK after yesterday. I saw you fall but then they whisked me away and I had to do the press thing. I got Cheryl, my PR rep to stay outside and make sure they looked after you but I couldn’t get any info on where you were until now”

“How did you ……?”

“The Graham Norton show helped me”

Abby cocked an eyebrow in question.

“You did an interview right? On Thursday afternoon I think and they showed it to me on the night in the Green Room. And, ahhh, it really moved me and when I saw you yesterday, falling, I knew I’d seen you before but what with everything going on,  I couldn’t put it all together and then finally it came to me, that you were the woman who talked about solace”

Abby blushed, remembering what she’d said. After all she’d thought about it so often -  what she would say if she ever got to talk to him one day.

“Well I’m glad you got to hear it. As you can probably tell, I am now mute like a goldfish in your presence!”

He chuckled at that.

“Well you’ve had a bang to the head so  …… anyway, what you said, like I said it was nice, special for me and I wanted to thank you in person for that”

“No problem, it’s just the truth and I’m damn sure I’m not alone in that”

“Well maybe not everyone would have expressed it so well. It’s a funny thing this, this …”

“Celebrity? And don’t squirm!”

“Yeah that! And what you just said, “Don’t squirm”, it’s like you know me …”

“but I don’t, I know. What do they call it, it has a name I think. It’s called a, para something….”

“Oh yeah a para-social relationship. I read about it in a book”

“Of course you did!”

“there you go again!”

“Sorry am I making you uncomfortable?”

“nah, nah, it’s just a little ……. weird I guess. I don’t get to spend much time at all in conversation with fans these days, just occasionally when I do Make a Wish or something and it really does feel like you know me but I don’t know a thing about you! So can you share something?”

“About me?”

He nodded.

“ummm, what do you want to know?”

“Hit me with some highlights!” he said leaning back and grinning, glad for someone else to feel the pressure of questions for once.

“Weeel, I’m 48 years old. I’m married, have been for 25 years to Johnny”

“Wow. was he your childhood sweetheart?”

“Well we weren’t exactly childhood sweethearts. I didn’t like him til I was 17 but I knew him since I was 3!

Keanu’s mouth fell open making her laugh some more then hold her head

“Ouch”

“I should let you rest” he said making as if to leave

“No don’t go, if you don’t have to that is. Just don’t make me laugh.” She pleaded. She didn’t want this little bubble of time to burst!

“You sure?”

“Of course! So where was I, oh yeah my long marriage. And we have two kids, boys who are 18 and 12”

“Do you have a picture?”

“could you pass me my phone please?”

He stood and grabbed it from the nightstand next to her bed and handed it to her - she found a picture of the boys to show him.

“wow both like you”

“More their Dad really but the older one favours me a tad more I guess. That enough”

“No not nearly – I mean how much stuff do you know about me? I’m just trying to make this thing” he said gesturing between them “a little less para-social”

“touche!” Abby responded “so errm what else? We live in a village in the midlands – really near Silverstone racetrack actually to give you an idea of where we are.  And we grew up not far from there near Aylesbury, where I know you have been though you might not remember

“With Dogstar right? Were you there?”

Abby nodded blushing.

“And what do you do for a living”

“I work for a market research company, it’s not very noble. We help big corporations mostly to  figure out the best ways to market their crap to people!”

He laughed

“But you enjoy it I hope”

“I do, it’s really interesting but, like I said, it doesn’t always fill me with pride!”

“Well neither of us is saving lives with what we do so don’t beat yourself up over it!”

“You provide escape though, from the daily grind, there’s got to be some joy in giving people wonderful entertainment for them to escape into no?”

“Yeah I guess – and what you said, about solace, that was lovely to hear. Do you mind me asking what you needed solace from? It sounds like you have a happy home life, a good job……… sorry I’m not trying to be dismissive or say you shouldn’t need solace……… sorry I’m rambling now!”

She waved her hand at him

“Don’t worry, I do, I have all those things but, well I’ve had some bereavements but mainly the solace I was talking about got me through the having kids part – it  wasn’t so easy getting there ….”

“Oh I’m sorry”

Abby gulped. She wanted to share but wasn’t sure if it would upset him. They were both quiet for a moment and then she just decided to tell him, to share this thing that kind of linked them together, para-social relationship or not!

“Thanks. We, errm had fertility issues and so it took about 3 years before I had my eldest and then after him, when we decided we wanted another …..it was the same problem only this time when we got pregnant, I lost the baby.”

He gave her a sympathetic look

“and then another, and then another”

“God that’s shitty”

“uh huh. But then I got pregnant again, when we least expected it and that time it led to my youngest son. So, you know….

“All’s well that ends well!”

“yup”

So, as I said,  that’s where the solace came in really -  that was all happening around 2000 through to 2004 so there were the sequels to the Matrix and other ones to keep me entertained, lots of excitement about you – it was always somewhere I could go to escape and focus on something else“

“I’m so glad. Those films, The Matrix sequels I mean, that experience, that was my escape too”

He looked into her eyes and she knew he was talking about his losses around that time.

“Well I’m glad for you too then”

He smiled softly.

“That wasn’t very para-social now was it?”

She shook her head, smiling “almost like we have something in common”

He chuckled too.

“Do you think about them often?”

He didn’t need to explain who.

“Not really, no  ……they …….they paved the way for Ben. I call him my rainbow baby – a baby born after loss.  So for me, if I hadn’t lost them, then he wouldn’t be here – not the exact same boy at least so I can’t mourn them in the same way as maybe you……… “ she cut herself short, “sorry, that’s none of my business”

Keanu looked down at his hands for a few moments

“She would be 17 now you know – how old did you say your eldest was?”

“18 – he was coming up for 18 months back then …………..I’m so sorry”

“It’s a long time ago now” he sighed

“doesn’t mean it hurts any less though” she dared to look up and try to meet his gaze but he was still looking down and she saw a tear roll down his left cheek.

“you know I read a grief theory once that really made sense to me. It said that your grief is always the same size, and just as painful but as time goes by, your life and your experiences, they form a kind of cushion around it so it doesn’t hurt so much or so often. But sometimes, that cushion, it breaks a bit and out bursts the grief, just as awful and sharply painful as if it happened yesterday, you know. So, be kind to yourself, don’t beat yourself up over it!”

Finally, after she said that, referencing his words to her earlier, he looked up and smiled, a sad smile but still a smile.

“Sorry I didn’t want to bring you down but, well I’ve also always kind of wanted you to know how much of a help you were to me at that time. It always seemed kind of, I dunno, kismet or something that you, your work would help someone out who was going through ……. through that very particular kind of loss”

“I’m glad – glad that you have your boys now and that your marriage weathered what must have been a storm”

“Yeah it was. we’re very lucky to have each other”

“How does that even work?, for 25 years, fuck!”

Abbie shook her head smiling. Lots of things I guess – and nothing but dumb luck in some ways ……….and seizing the day when love finds you I guess.”

Abbie’s mind flashed back to 2011. She had come up to London to the Piccadilly branch of Waterstones to attend the book signing for “Ode to Happiness”

She remembered seeing Keanu and Alexandra Grant interacting at the talk and then the signing table and had wondered.  She had wondered  if she was merely witnessing a very solid friendship and creative partnership or something more. Since then she’d seen other images and video from the Shadows book launch in LA the previous year and again there was this hint she thought she glimpsed of a level of intimacy that she felt she recognised. The kind that looked like soul mates if you believed in that stuff.

“Hey, where did you go?”

Abbie shook her head   and grimaced again – she needed to remember not to shake it like that until the pain had receded!

“Sorry, just remembering something  - you know you should seize the day if love is right there in front of you ……………. “

For a second, she wondered if maybe she was completely wrong and then she told herself that it didn’t matter if she was. She had to say it just in case it was - but how to drop this enormous hint? Then it came to her.

“In front of me?”

“Yeah in front of you …… you know, right under your nose, emerging from the shadows”

Their eyes met and his AND hers twinkled. Her smile widened knowing she was right.

Keanu chuckled to himself, and smoothed his hands down his trousers, readying himself to get up.

“Can I take your contact details? I’d like to make sure your recovery goes well, would that be OK?”

“really?, errm sure – my mobile number OK or e mail?”

“e mail I guess. I’m not much of a one for phones and messenger and all that”

He rummaged in his pocket for his wallet and found some paper on which Abby carefully wrote out her e mail address, all the while wondering if she’d ever hear from him again. Even if she didn’t, she thought, she would treasure this conversation till her dying day!

Keanu carefully slid the paper into his wallet.

“Well I should make tracks I guess. Oh  hey, would you like a picture before I go, shall we take a selfie”

“If that’s OK, yes please. I know I look like shit but I can’t let this moment go un-recorded.”

Keanu sat on the bed beside her and took her phone to take several snaps, checking to make sure there were a few without blinks or grimaces to choose from.

Before getting up he gave her a hug and kissed her cheek.

“Thanks for the tips by the way” he said softly before standing up.

@fortheloveoffanfic @kindainlovewithk’eanu @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @fics-not-tragedies @ficsnroses @keanureevesisbae @penwieldingdreamer @witty-wallflower @paperplanesandwallflowers @bitchyslut99 @ladyreapermc @toomanystoriessolittletime @fanficsrusz @keanuficfiles @bitchyslut99 

[fuck-customers]

Just do your job

More of a fuck these new co-workers story. I've been working at a crafty retail store for a little over a year now. I know where more than half of the stuff we sell goes by heart and they usually have me working the floor to put away the go-backs and recover the store before close. Its easy for me so I try not to complain much but I'm a little pissed today. A couple days ago they hired a new girl we'll call 'T'. T had worked at an overrated coffee shop before and doesn't seem to realise retail is a bit different. We usually only have 1 cashier at the front most days or 2-3 during rushes. On an expected normal night we will have 1 cashier, 1 manager, 1 sale associate, and 1 framer. So T's left at the front for most of the day. Usually the previous sales associates on the floor only recover the store so there is ahuge mountian of go backs when I come in for a closing shift. Im usually the only floor person so I had to work quickly to put everything back and still take care of the customers who stop me. T didn't seem to care. When she would call me up to help ring up customers she would just up and leave the cash register to do anything else. She would turn her light off and just walk out to the floor. Not for a bathroom break or anything like that. What pissed me off us that she did that shit every time she called me up. About 5-10 times during an average day. I told a manager about it, to ask if they could talk to them but nothing ever happens. Fast forward 3 days later, I come in for my closing shift at 2.30 just in time to see another new hire having her first training shift. We're gonna call her 'T2'. Now, T and T2 are high school buddies, so they stick together the moment T2 starts getting trained. So this sucked because T essentially taught T2 a quarter of the basics they taught her to fucking leave with her when I got to the front. Like shit. Since our go back area is by the register when I'm done with a cart I have to go back up to refill it and they would both leave. And T claimed it was so they can both get floor experience together. Except!! Except that T was hired as a goddamn cashier. And T2 was hired as a GODDAMN CASHIER. Meaning they both have little reason to have floor experience for go-backs because the manager who hired them said they were specifically hired to stay up front as cashiers. If a customer needs something they T or T2 dont know about all they have to do is radio a manager and 90% of the time they know or they call me or the manager up. This last night, both T and T2 were stuck at the front due to a line of customers. I was sent out to grab carts from the parking lot. When I had come back in, they whined that they wouldn't have time to take trash out from under the registers. I'd had gotten so pissed off I took all the trash bins from all 8 registers, brought them to my register, called the next in line and rang them out while I dumped all the trash into one big trash bag. Then, when the last few customers were being rang out while both girls stared at me like I killed a child, I told them to put new bags on the bins and put them back. I left to the managers office after that and complained that they didnt even have a method to throw the goddamn trash out. T had been working a little over a week. T2 has been working 6 days. So why they didnt have a goddamn method for trash is fucking unbelievable. Why it took me under 5 minutes to do when they had 4 hours is fucking bullshit. Mostly angry because they had complained the moment I came back from the hot parking lot dragging carts into the store. They yelled about it front of 15 customers who all looked like I was abusing them. It's literally a chore at home. My manager had agreed and when closing time came they both were told to leave early and they both looked like it came as a shock. Look, I have shit to do. I gotta do go-backs, clean up the aisles, and deal with customers and their more than often I-didnt-even-try-researching-before-i-got-here questions. Along with following around suspicious customers, following a big family of children because they ALWAYS leave a trail of messes, and doing exerting projects such as move 150, three pound candles across the store. With only 1 cart and an hour till close and only half an hour after close so I don't have time for this leaving bullshit. I don't have time for this 'we dont think we will have time for the trash chore' bullshit. I have no literal time to get fired for not doing my job because I was doing theirs. Fuck T and T2.

[musical-miranda]

i do not like the cardinals ugh just talking about them makes me so ma d & the dodgers are such a good team that also makes me mad everyone's a dodgers fan out here in ca bc they are so good hearing about both of them passing really shook me up? i remember when I heard about jofer I just woke up and I literally just,, couldn't comprehend it because it felt like we just saw him at the asg with Stanton I just.. ( I think I'm going to have to break this into three parts I'm so sorry omg )

and his teammates were so broken it hurt. same with Ventura like,, the baseball community took some hard hits, really makes you value what you have while you have it. I wish I could have seen the memorials and brought something for them, it just feels right to pay respects it's garrett Richards,, if he's out for the season I'm literally just going to give up because we lost like 3 guys last season bc of tommy john. (2 out of 3)

also totally get u with trading slowly declining guys we've had to do that like with our shortstop aybar like a year or so ago? it's just very bittersweet ( ok tHats all )

I’m gonna stick this under a cut so I don’t clog up my other followers dashboards

I think the general consensus in the baseball community is that we hate the cardinals. I’ve only met cardinals fans irl because I live like 3 hours away from them, so of course some people like them. but not many. I’ve got some beautiful pictures of the memorial, it was just the most moving thing ever. at fan fest there were also huge walls with pictures of him to sign and the most beautiful gorgeous memorial. There’s also a new memorial for him in the Royals Hall of Fame, our first spring training game started with a video memorial (there have been other videos and pictures posted as well), they left his spring training locker area empty, and the entire city turned blue. The outpouring of love from the entire community was amazing, even from people he got into brawls with. Dee Gordon was big on support, the Marlins actually sent flowers. I know some of our players actually went to the memorial and just hugged fans and cried together. (I’m actually getting emotional right now oh gosh). We all gotta learn to live like it’s your last day, because you never know if it will be. Yordano had a little 3 or 4-year-old daughter and should also have twins that are less than a year old with his girlfriend/wife, so he left behind young kids from what I can tell. I had a Jose Fernandez baseball card hidden away in my room that I found after Yordano’s tragedy, and the back of it said “Fernandez’s motto is every five days I go into a start as if it’s the last game I’ll ever pitch. Batters may wish it would be. His 2.30 ERa after 40 MLB starts is the lowest by a righty in the live-ball era.” and that just kinda hit me really hard. 

Oh my god dude that’s rough, I really hope he’s okay and just needs a few days of rest. That’s terrifying when your guys get hurt like that. 

It’s so bittersweet trading away these guys bc like, on one hand, it’s Wade fucking Davis the cyborg that won the World Series for us, but on the other hand, he’s an aging relief pitcher who’s getting worse over time. I’m mostly not ready for this off-season because we’re gonna lose most of our core players and suddenly we’ll just be a building team. I can’t lose my hosmer, he’s our center right now??? 

Anyways. Here are some pictures from the memorial. My favorite sign said “Traded to the Angels”. 

[helloharani]

Guess who got robbed?

If you guessed me, then pat yourself on the back because yeap!! Ya girl got robbed!!!

It’s been 2 days since the incident, so I figured I’d write everything down just for the sake of keeping this ‘diary’ alive.

So here’s what happened.

All I really wanted was for my friends and I to have an enjoyable time on our tourism trip to god forsaken Melaka. But I guess I wasn’t paying attention to the things happening outside my own little happy bubble.

After our visit to the Cheng Ho Museum, Mr. Dev allowed us to go about on our own, and Shub suggested we eat at the most popular laksa shop there. Most of our other college mates went to eat there too. I could tell that Victor was quite uncomfortable with the fact that we were eating there, it was cramped, and him being a foreigner didn’t help because he really didn’t know what food there was to offer. I should have listened when he said “i’m not feeling this place” but instead I just told him that it was going to be okay and the food was going to be good.

Whlle we ate, my phone was on the table so that I could access it easily to take candid pictures for memories, that I would later post here. But right before I went to go pay for the desserts, I put my phone in my bag in fear that I would drop it due to the cramped and crowded interior of the shop. My bag was put on the floor, in between me and Miki’s feet. But I guess we were too excited, trying to get Oppa and Victor to try the desserts because I was dumbfounded when Henry came up to me and said

“Inarah, is your bag with you?”

“umm... yeah,” I replied.

*looks down*

“shit.”

HAHAHAHA GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS my bag really wasn’t there. All that was left was my stupid hat that I bought for 8 bucks like half an hour before this stupid thing happened.

I literally thought it was a joke, and the lines “this is a joke, this is a joke” kept repeating itself in my head, even as I was running out of the shop and down the street while Henry and Chengmun shouted “WHITE NISSAN ALMERA VAL4226.”

So I ran and ran, and the stupid robbers really must have waited until I finished eating, because I really felt like I was going to die. Chengmun was running beside me, but when I began to tire out, I noticed Shub was running with us as well. I remember making eye contact with him, and then him nodding and running off faster than me. Yoong Yoong (Yen Bin) was running ahead with him too, and at this point I was already crying. Yet, amongst my tears and hasty cries of “someone stole my bag,” no one really stopped to help. It was just us against the world. 

We ran quite far down, and then I saw Yoong Yoong holding a plastic bag with my knapsack in it. A flood of relief swept through my body, but it left me again when Shub told me to check my bag and many things weren’t there. He then asked me if my phone was in there. I said no, because I was really convinced that I left my phone on the table back at the restaurant. Then, I saw it. The Taehyung photocard as well as my family photo that I kept at the back of my phone cover.... but no phone. “Shub, I think my phone was in there.” “Shit!” he screamed, and then he kicked the pole or the wall or something, I don’t really know what it was but Shub I’m so sorry you hurt your toe.

Here are the things they took:

1. My Samsung S8 2. My fast charger 3. My Ipod Classic 4. My Ipod cable 5. My makeup bag (filled with my makeup essentials and other important things like my fenty lipgloss, NARS clear gloss, etude house highlighter and lipstick, brow pencil, etc) 6. My earphones 7. Yan’s white bucket hat 8. My flower clips

Here are the things they didn’t take:

1. My student I/D 2. My MRT card 3. My tangle teezer (fuckin original mates) 4. My nailclipper pouch 5. My calculator (which is quite expensive lah, 50 bucks) 6. My stationary  7. My post-its 8. Plasters 9. Sanitary pads  10. My clip box

Later on in the day, I found out from Henry that two men took my bag. He’s not sure what race they are, but he’s quite convinced they’re Malay. I also found out from Yoong Yoong that they opened the car door and threw my bag out. They also said “sorry.” Other than that, Yoong Yoong also said that the driver was a girl, which explains why they took all my fucking makeup.

Anyway, back to the story.

Shub and Yoong Yoong ran after the car, while Chengmun and I tried to catch up. Eventually we all got separated, except for Chengmun and I. I’m glad she stayed with me, I might have passed out. We passed by multiple policemen, and even the police STATION but every one of them told me to go to the office and make a report. Me, still believing that there was hope that we could catch the thieves before they got any further, kept running on and on. In the end, none of the police really came to help me. The only man who tried to help me was one of the beca drivers, who asked for the details of the car and told us that he had notified all the other beca drivers to look out for the car. He and Chengmun communicated in Mandarin, and trust me, I had never felt more like a foreigner in my own homeland, than at that very moment. 

In the end, I called up Shub and we all met up at the police station. Mr. Dev was there as well. He told Chengmun to stay with us in the station, and the rest to disperse, so they did. While waiting for a very very long time, I called up Yan to tell him what happened. I really thought everyone left, until Minsuk came into the station to pass me his phone, because Bonda was calling. Shub and Victor came in too, to ask for my Samsung account. They were trying to track down my phone. And... they were all waiting outside. In a pondok. When they could have been enjoying the rest of their trip. At this point, I felt like utter shit, ruining other people’s trips and wasting precious time. Why were my friends the ones who were trying to catch the thief, while the police were right in front of me, doing nothing? The only things they were doing were talking very very rudely to each other and complaining about things such as the lights and toilets. The way they conversed with each other were very unprofessional, and I could tell that they weren’t taking my case seriously. They weren’t even taking other people’s cases seriously, judging by the way they were talking to other victims. They couldn’t even spare a simple “everything will be okay.” I only had my friends, and Mr. Dev. 

By the time it was time for me to make a report, it was already 2.30 and we were supposed to board the bus at 2.45. I angrily sat down and gave the evil eye to every single police in the room. Not only was the police women asking me bullshit questions that I had answered a gazillion times already, she started ordering food!! “nak sikit sambal belacan”, “kau beli minuman apa”, and all that bullshit crap. I got really mad, and so did Mr. Dev. I started tearing up the paper I was holding to hold back my anger, and she angrily said in Bahasa, “what are you doing, stop making a mess and behave yourself.” 

After the report had been made, Mr. Dev and I wanted to get our asses out of there. The police wanted to hold us back, but Mr. Dev told them to call him if anything, just so we could leave. Right after we stepped out of the station, I showed the middle finger to the door, and he started complaining about what just happened. He ranted while I cried, and he told me about the injustice the police caused him when his new car got stolen. “The exact same thing happened to me,” he said. 

I tried to keep my mood up while walking back to the bus. My group and I insulted Melaka (sorry), and insulted the whole trip (sorry), vowing to never go back again (sorry). Plus, I read the police report and it was bullshit! Real bullshit BM grammar, the format was shit (no space after fullstops?!). The whole thing was just real, plain, bullshit. 

Once we got in the bus, I was fine. Miki sat with me. Then, I started thinking of the things that I lost, and while I sarcastically and angrily ranted to Miki, I started crying. He kept telling me it was okay, and eventually both of us fell asleep for the whole trip back. According to Shub, it was torture, and he said we were lucky to have fallen asleep. I woke up to a bar of chocolate and a note from Shub that is now stuck on my wall. 

On the way back, I felt nothing less than terrible. I couldn’t stop crying, thinking about the financial issues and days I had ruined. It was one of those days that the world really wasn’t on my side. I knew because all I wanted was a hot shower, yet the water wasn’t hot enough. 

But guess what? My friends visited me. Yan, Kasih and Gyenice came over to visit me, and everything was okay for a moment. We went to the H to order some fat fries. 

In the end, I went to bed upset. Upset for my carelessness, upset about my loss, upset about the authorities, upset about people, upset about how shitty my life was. Basically upset. If it weren’t for my friends who were there for me throughout the day, I don’t know how I would have survived. 

In conclusion, Melaka can go to hell, the police can go to hell, bad people can go to hell. I’m sorry, but at this point I just really want everything to go to hell. But in the end, I’ll probably be the only one going to hell. Haha. 

27th November 2017

[thecatnamedgandalf-blog]

The Man With The Dragon Tattoo

Chapter 2

Chapter Rating: T [Warning again for bad language]

AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9321221/chapters/21467801

Exhausted and feeling as though he had been hit by a train, Jesse dragged himself through the deserted corridors of the hotel. Incredibly grateful that Morrison had by some miracle managed to book out the entire place. It meant that Reyes had been able to house the eight Blackwatch agents on the same floor. Not that he didn’t like the Overwatch agents. No. Wait. That was a lie. He hated most of those bastards. Just because the public adored them it didn’t make them any better than him. He wasn’t the only one that hated their pompous attitudes. The other Blackwatch agents held the same opinions. Well, except for Reyes, but you couldn’t really count him considering he was married to Morrison.

Finally reaching the door to his room he paused, debating if he should report to Gabriel immediately. Usually he would be expected to inform his Commander about something like this as soon as it happened. On the other hand, however, he knew Gabe and Jack were sharing a room and probably wouldn’t appreciate being woken up at 2am. And not to mention the ass-whooping he would get for not going to Gabe three hours ago. With a soft sigh, Jesse dropped his head against the door. It would be better to just get it over with. He forced himself to stand up straight, absently running a hand over the cut on his cheek. If Reyes was going to get angry there was a chance Morrison would at least be able to calm him down. Not to mention he’d rather not get screamed at in front of the other agents. Despite feeling exhausted, Jesse forced himself to make the trek up the other end of the corridor to Reyes’ room. Although, the second he was there staring at the room number, 528, all his confidence drained out of him. Maybe it would be best to just wait until the morning meeting. That was only four hours from now, wasn’t like it would make much of a difference…would it? God damn it. The boss and Morrison would be so pissed with him if he woke them up now.

Jesse growled softly and shook his head. No. He’d let the boss sleep. Maybe someone else was up. McCree forced himself to walk away from the room towards the elevator. At some point before Overwatch had arrived, one of the reception rooms on the 20th floor had been converted to a temporary Blackwatch operations room. Terminals had been set up along the walls, giving the room an earie vibe. Swiping his ID card on the temporary lock that had also been installed, god damn it must have taken a lot of persuasion to get the hotel to agree to all the changes, Jesse strolled into the room. To his surprise and relief there were three other agents in the room.

The senior agent in the room was a 6ft 4 Scotsman called Michael Kane. His physical build almost identical to Reyes’ own, despite Kane never having gone through the SEP. He stood at the back of the temporary operations room, looking between a tablet and one of the monitors. About three feet to his left stood Natham Geras, a short slender man from Athens, and one of the quickest men alive. Next to him sat the steely-eyed English agent, Johnathan Pope. He was perhaps Jesse’s favourite agent next to Reyes, the man having helped him set up numerous pranks around the base. Being the youngest and least experienced man in the room, Jesse suddenly felt no bigger than an ant. Yes, the men were decent people and wouldn’t beat him for no reason, but that didn’t mean they would give him a verbal beating. Jesse took a deep breath and walked further into the room, the door automatically shutting behind him.

“Mornin’” He said softly, not quite comfortable with the silence of the room.

Geras looked up from the terminal he was observing. “Kaliméra Jesse” He greeted “It is not like you to be up this early” Jesse shifted from one foot to another, one hand coming up to rub the back of his neck.

“Somethin’ happened earlier ‘nd I didn’t wanna wake the boss.”

“Does it have something to do with the cut on your face?” This time it was Kane who had spoken. Jesse blinked and brought a hand up to touch the cut on his face, not quite sure how Kane knew. The man hadn’t even looked up his tablet.

“Uh…yeah” By now he had the attention of all three men and was feeling even more uncomfortable.

“Sit your arse down” Kane ordered. He placed the tablet on top of one of the terminals and walked towards the other men. Jesse cleared his throat and sat down in the chair closest to him.

“Was it one of the Overwatch twats?” Pope asked propping his feet up on a spare chair. “Not like you to get into a fight McCree”

“Nah” Jesse replied “I’m more than capable of knocking them out if they touch me. Was havin’ a smoke out in the garden a few hours ago, mindin’ my own business when Hanzo fucking Shimada snuck up on me” Immediately the other three men stiffened, Pope leant forward resting his chin in his hands.

“He attacked you?”

“Sorta?” A raised eyebrow from Kane and Jesse continued “Told me he knew that we were investigatin’ them and if we get doin it he’d kill me ‘n the Commanders” When the men didn’t say anything Jesse couldn’t help himself, he started rambling. “I’m worried I fucked up, but I was so sure no one caught me doin’ anything. Hell, Reyes said it was a good clean job. Dunno how Shimada knows anythin’ but I swear on my hat I did everythin’ by the book” Geras chuckled and moved to stand beside him, placing a hand on Jesse’s shoulder.

“Irémise McCree.” Jesse blinked “I said calm down.” Jesse’s mouth made an ‘O’ shape.

“Shimada was probably playing mind games kid” Kane said though he sounded unconvinced by his own words “If Reyes thinks you did a good job, then you did. He was probably trying to unnerve you, size you up and work out if you’re a credible threat or someone who can be easily disposed of.” Ah. That raised some problems. If Shimada truly knew nothing and had been fishing for information, Jesse had just confirmed his suspicions and made the rest of the investigations incredibly difficult for Blackwatch. Retreating into his own mind Jesse questioned whether he should inform Kane of his slip up. “McCree!” The shout of his name immediately brought him back to reality. “You’re looking guilty, what did you do?” Now he felt even more pathetic than before, he couldn’t even keep a straight face for God’s sake.

“I definitely fucked up” Jesse confirmed, dropping his head into his hands with a groan. “I’ve really fucked up”

Pope raised an eyebrow and shared a brief look with Kane “What did you do Jesse?”

“When Shimada was up in my face I…” He sighed “I snapped at ‘im. Told ‘im that it ain’t right to go around killin people like they did in Hong Kong.” The blank looks they gave him convinced him to continue “Also said that I’d find anythin’ he was hidin’” The three men groaned in unison, as though they had practiced it beforehand.

“Pope go and get Reyes.” The man nodded and left the operations room. “God damn it McCree. How many times have we told you to watch what you say?!” Kane demanded, standing up and looming over him. “If the Shimada knew nothing then you just confirmed his suspicions! And if he did, you’ve just shown him you’re a fucking weak link!” Jesse had begun to sink in on himself during the Scotsman’s tirade. Kane continued to rant at him, his Glaswegian accent thickening to the point where Jesse struggled to understand some of the things being roared in his face. A jab about his mama being ashamed of him struck deep, and his eyes began to burn with tears. The abuse was nothing new. He had heard it all during his time with Deadlock, but coming from one of the men Jesse admired it stung.

“Arketá, arketá!” Geras shouted as he forced himself between Kane and McCree, one hand on the bigger man’s chest. “So far nothing has been compromised. If Shimada already knew we were investigating his family then Jesse has done nothing wrong. Silence would have confirmed his suspicions, and lies would have resulted in more investigations and possible torture.” It was rare to see Geras angry with one of their own, but the man’s voice had risen several decibels as he ranted. “There is no point shouting at McCree when the deed has been done. Nothing can be done now and we must work around it. If he is to be published it is the Commander’s decision, not ours.” Geras bristled as he continued speaking “Insulting the boy and using his mother against him is low. You should be ashamed.”

“He isn’t a boy Geras. He’s twenty-two for fuck sake”

Geras snorted “He is the youngest of all of us, and shall be a boy in my eyes until he surpasses me in height.” If he didn’t feel so utterly shitty Jesse would have chuckled. No way was he ever going to hit 6ft. His mama and pa had both been tiny as well as grandparents, Jesse came from a long line of short people. Jesse risked a glance up at Kane and relaxed ever so slightly when he saw the other man was still focused on arguing with Geras. He took the time to wipe away the tears, hoping that no one would notice them. Of course, it was that exact moment when Reyes walked in. The Blackwatch Commander stiffening as soon as he caught the distraught look on McCree’s face.

“Jefe” Jesse croaked and Reyes saw red. He’d been woken up at 2.30 in the morning, pulled away from his peaceful dreams and Jack curled up in his arms, and told he was needed in operations control. Now his mijo looked petrified and had been crying. Someone was getting punched. Hard.

“What the fuck is going on here?” He demanded. Immediately Geras and Kane went silent, standing to attention when their Commander stalked over to stand in front of them both. “Answer me!”

“I fucked up jefe” Reyes looked in Jesse’s direction. The young man had lowered his head and was fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt. “I told Hanzo Shimada we were investigatin’ em.” That had not been the answer he was expecting. Reyes stared at him for a few moments.

“How and why?” Jesse shifted in his seat and repeated the story once more. When he was done, Reyes sighed and ran a hand down his face.

“Mierda” He cursed, taking a seat beside McCree. “This is an issue, yes. But it does not mean you can scream at the kid, Kane.” The man in question frowned and folded his arms over his chest. “I remember you fucking up several times when you were still new. Give him a break, not everyone can be an emotionless fuck.” Kane bristled but otherwise remained silent. “We just need to up our game. From now on only Matthews and Zhou will be doing any form of infiltrating, at least until we are certain the Shimada’s are not following our every move. In the mean time, we carry on as we’ve been doing.” Reyes turned his attention back to Jesse “And if Shimada’s taken an interest in you, the last thing we need is you vanishing for hours on end” Jesse blinked, his brain taking a few seconds to catch up on what Reyes was hinting it.

“But jefe-“Reyes raised a hand, instantly silencing Jesse.

“Don’t argue with me McCree” Reyes said, digging into his back pocket and pulling a cigarette out. “Until this calms down, if it does, I’m putting you under Morrison’s command.” He lit the cigarette with a lighter produced from another pocket. Jesse was stunned. Yeah, he’d been expecting to be pulled off a few operations, but to be put under Morrison’s command? That was a punch to the gut. “Get yourself to bed McCree” Reyes ordered taking another drag of his cigarette. “I’ll inform Morrison about the changes once he’s up.”

Jesse forced himself to his feet, snapping out a salute to Gabriel and scampered from the room. The walk back to his room was hazy, whether that was a result of his exhaustion or shock he wasn’t sure. Either way, when he finally managed to get back to his room it took a lot of effort to take his clothes off before collapsing onto his bed. He glanced at the digital clock at the side of his bed, 3.05 am. He’d be lucky to get any sleep. Jesse sighed heavily and stared up at the ceiling, running his hands over his eyes. Tomorrow was going to be awful.

--

“Guten Morgen meine Freunde!” It was far too early for Reinhardt’s boisterous voice Jesse lamented, why he had chosen to see beside the massive man was a mystery. By the time he had finally fallen asleep it had been past 4 am, which meant he’d had about 3 hours sleep at most. The lack of sleep combined with the knowledge he would no longer be working with Reyes, had Jesse feeling like he’d just been hit by a truck. No. Being hit by a truck would be preferable. He finally managed to pull his eyes away from his food and watched as Morrison and Reyes sat themselves down at the table.

“Morning Reinhardt, McCree” Morrison said, carefully setting his plate and coffee down. Beside him Reyes grunted a greeting and buried his face in his own mug of coffee. The man looked as though he’d been awake since Pope had woken him up. His exhaustion only served to make Jesse feel even worse. Not only had he disappointed the man who’d saved his life, he’d caused him to get even less sleep than he normally had. God. He really needed to stop screwing up. Jail really wasn’t an appealing idea.

“You look tired Gabriel” Reinhardt began, scooping up a forkful of scrambled eggs. “Is everything ok?” Reyes muttered something unintelligible. Whatever he said wasn’t suitable for polite company as Morrison rolled his eyes, and slapped the back of his head. Huffing Gabriel straightened up and put his half empty mug down.

“Long night” He grunted, stealing a rasher of bacon from Morrison’s plate. “The Shimada’s keep causing more problems.”

“Speaking of the Shimada’s” Oh Lord. Jesse practically curled in on himself as Morrison spoke “You’re not in trouble Jesse” Jack said softly, setting his fork down. Uncomfortable with the attention from the three veteran soldiers, Jesse forced himself to sit up straight and look Morrison in the eyes. He and Morrison had never really seen eye-to-eye. The Strike-Commander having been one of those against Jesse’s recruitment. Over the last three years however, that had changed. Mainly since Jesse accidentally walked in on some private time between his Commanders, oh how he had wished for brain bleach that day. “I hear you’re being put under my command, temporarily” He added the last word almost as an afterthought.

“Yes sir”

Jack nodded and took a quick swig of his coffee. “I can’t assign you to one of my squads, the sub-commanders don’t know how you work.” Oh great. “That being said, Reinhardt your squad are going to patrol the old factory district this morning yes?”

“Ja” Reinhardt confirmed.

“I’m assigning Jesse to your patrols for now.” Jesse paused in his eating, fork hovering a few centimetres from his mouth.

“Das ist gut” The second Reinhardt started chuckling Jesse set the fork down and braced himself. If he’d still been holding his fork the food would have gone everywhere, as seconds later Reinhardt was pulling him against his side. “Jesse is most welcome to join us!” Jesse risked looking at Reyes and wished he hadn’t. The man was smirking, which only deepened the wound. He was glad to not have Jesse under his command. And here Jesse thought he’d made Reyes proud. Obviously not. “What do you think Jesse?” Jesse snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at Reinhardt.

“Huh?” Well done Jesse, that was intelligent. Reinhardt laughed and squeezed him a little tighter, not that Jesse had thought such a thing was possible.

-- He never did find out what it was Reinhardt had asked him, Jesse thought sullenly as he walked through the streets of Hanamura. Visibility was limited as a thick fog had rolled in during the first hour of their patrol. Light rain only added to the dreary and unsettling atmosphere. The sounds of Reinhardt’s loud footsteps and those of himself and the other agents echoed through the empty streets. Jesse glanced up at the rooftops, blinking multiple times when a few rain drops landed in his left eye. He pulled the edge of his hat down to protect his eyes. Movement on a roof three buildings away caught his attention. So not to bring attention to himself he slowly dropped back until he was walking beside Reinhardt.

“I have seen him” The older man rumbled softly, startling him. Jesse had to give it to Reinhardt. The man might be boisterous and large in stature, but he missed nothing.

“This normal?” Jesse asked

“Ja. They have been following us since we first arrived.” Reinhardt cleared his throat, swinging his hammer up to rest it on his right shoulder.

“Jefe and Morrison know?” A nod.

“The Strike-Commander informed me of your…altercation last night.” Reinhardt began. “Do not think of your reassignment as a punishment Jesse.” His voice was softer than Jesse had ever heard before, though that did not stop Jesse from making sure the other agents weren’t listening in on their conversation. “Having you in the public eye is important. The Shimadas cannot- Brown! Woodley!” Up ahead two of the agents had started brawling pushing one another, but it was Brown throwing the first punch that caused Reinhardt to intervene. Reinhardt cleared his throat and continued “Pardon. As I was saying, if the Shimadas are aware you were involved in Blackwatch operations, your presence on my patrols prevents them from making claims against you. You cannot be investigating them if you are seen by my side.”

Jesse was silent. What could he say to that? He’d spent the better part of the last twelve hours thinking Reyes was disappointed and ashamed of him. It made sense. It was possible that Jesse was the only agent the Shimadas knew to be involved. If it that was indeed true, then ensuring he was constantly in the public eye would limit any damage should the Shimadas make public claims against Overwatch.

He was snapped from his thoughts when one of the agents shouted. “Sir!” Followed by the sound of guns being pulled from their holsters. Jesse and Reinhardt promptly sped up, marching to the front of the patrol. It was Woodley who had shouted, his pulse rifle now aimed at three Shimada scouts who had walked out of a side street and now blocked their path. The three scouts parted and Hanzo fucking Shimada walked towards them, his younger brother (Genji was it?) by his side.

“Shimada-san” Reinhardt greeted, lowering his hammer and signalling for his men to lower their weapons. Though reluctant each man did as he bid. “I apologise. We were startled by the sudden presence of your men.” The Hanzo that stood before them now was different to the one Jesse had encountered the night before. Gone was the smirk, replaced by pure stoicism. Instead it was Genji who bore the grin.

Even knowing how foolish he was being Jesse was unable to stop himself from admiring Hanzo. He knew Hanzo was a violent man, one who would kill to gain what he wants, but there was something about him. Perhaps it was the hair, a curtain of black silk falling over his shoulders and down his back. Perhaps it was those eyes, darker and warmer than any he had ever seen before. Or perhaps it was that voice, a warm and rich baritone that pierced his heart. And those lips. When he finally came back to himself Jesse noticed Genji was sending a predatory grin in his direction. God damn. Unable to stop himself Jesse tipped his hat to the green-haired Shimada, along with a flirtatious grin. Probably not the smartest thing he had ever done in his life, but god damn if the look Hanzo sent him wasn’t worth it. Reinhardt took a partial step back, ensuring his left leg collided with Jesse, a subtle warning.

“It is of no concern” Hanzo assured him, his attention moving from Jesse back to Reinhardt. “I admit that we did not come across you by accident alone.”

“We could not pass up the opportunity to see the legendary Wilhelm Reinhardt and his armour.” Genji laughed. Oh, the look Hanzo shot his brother would certainly have killed a lesser man. “I must say, you certainly live up to the legends.” Reinhardt chuckled and bowed at the compliment.

“I thank you Shimada-san, but I sense there is something more than a simple desire to see my armour.” Hanzo turned to one of his men and held a hand out, accepting a tablet passed to him by one of his men.

“In the early hours of this morning several our scouts encountered an entourage of rogue Omnics. They had been hiding one of the derelict factories. Unfortunately, during this encounter one of our own, an Omnic named Kanato, who has served our clan for many years, turned on those he would call ‘brother’. It would appear he was no longer in control of himself.” That didn’t bode well. “My men eliminated the rogue Omnics and were able to subdue Kanato. Upon returning to our home he seemed to come back to himself. We believe this is because of the sonic EMP disruptors we have erected along the walls as security measures.” Reinhardt frowned, his hands coming to settle on his hips.

“This is most concerning” He began “I am required to report this immediately to Strike-Commander Morrison”

“I would expect nothing less” Hanzo took a step forward and offered the tablet he still held “You will find a full report on the encounter, and a recording of Kanato’s statement.” When Reinhardt made no move to accept the tablet, Jesse did so on his behalf. If the thing was rigged to blow it would be better for Jesse to lose an arm instead of Reinhardt. Jesse inhaled sharply when his fingers brushed against Hanzo’s. Immediately he retreated and moved to the side, placing a safe distance between himself and the other agents. He had never been a genius when it came to technology, but he was experienced and talented enough to know how to check for anything out of the ordinary. Coming across nothing unusual Jesse gave Reinhardt a single nod.

The German man turned back to Hanzo “Thank you. I am sure we shall meet once more.”

“Indeed. We are of course, fighting a common enemy.” Hanzo inclined his head. “Reinhardt-san”

“Shimada-san” With that the two Shimada’s left with their men, disappearing into the alley from which they had initially appeared. The moment they were gone from view Reinhardt turned to the men under his command.

“We must return at once.”

“No way that was a fucking coincidence” Woodley muttered under his breath.

“Of course not” Reinhardt replied, slapping him on the back “We are in a den of wolves, it would be most unwise to underestimate them.”

Translations:

[Apologies if anything is incorrect. I am relying on limited knowledge and the help of friends, because I sure as heck don’t trust Google Translate haha!]

Greek: Kaliméra: Good morning Irémise: Calm down Arketá: Enough

Spanish: Jefe: Boss Mijo: Son Mierda: Fuck

German: Guten morgen meine freunde: Good morning my friends Das ist gut: That is fine Gut: Good

[a-calm-night]

MY BREAST REDUCTION 2017

INTRODUCTION: One of the first things I did when I began considering surgery was google other people’s experiences. It was instrumental in deciding that it something I wanted to do, and took away a lot of the fear and uncertainty out of the decision. If those people hadn’t taken the time to put their experiences into written words I may not be where I am now, so hopefully by doing this I can help another big-boobed individual take their first step to a more comfortable life. 

I was totally flat-chested until I was about 14-years-old, and then in the span of 6 months shot through the ranks until I could no longer accurately determine my size. I knew one thing though, because every fucking person who laid eyes on me felt the need to tell me: they were big. I’ve had a lot of shitty experiences because of my body; from being referred to as ‘Tits’ by boys I thought I had become familiar enough with that they would bother to remember my name, to being called a slut on multiple occasions by a friend’s mother all because I dared to show a little cleavage (which is hard not to do when they’re that size. Now that I’m older I can’t believe that an adult would say that to a young teenager. Seriously disgusting behaviour). I know that in their own convoluted way most of the time when people made comments they meant it as some sort of compliment but by the 500th time you hear that shit its like, look, I KNOW they’re big, okay? I LIVE WITH THEM. I KNOW THEY’RE BIG. STOP. TELLING. ME. 

Then there’s the physical aspect of it all where everything hurts all the time and you can’t run or jump around or dare to move too quickly. Theres’s the back issues and the shoulder issues and the neck issues and all the rest of it. That sucked too, but to be honest it was always the mental and social side of things that bothered me the most. 

I’d say I was around 17 when I first started looking into surgery. I kept telling myself that I wanted to do it and that I would do it but just kept putting it off out of fear and aversion to being cut open. I’m 21 now, and it was in January this year that I kicked myself into gear and started making actual moves towards it. I’d started taking anti-depressants a few months before that time and I think that having that extra motivation, confidence and energy was a huge catalyst. 

THE SET UP: I went to my GP and asked for a referral. The GP asked me some question re: why I wanted a reduction, why I thought I needed one etc and once she was satisfied asked me if there were any surgeons I had in mind. I’d done some research and picked out a surgeon in my city that I liked the look of. She was one of the only Docs in Adelaide that actually had a gallery of her surgeries on her site to look at, and she had over 10 years experience specialising in breast augmentation - you can look at her website >here< if you want. The GP recommended another local surgeon who I had also already looked into, but a lot of her reviews said she had an attitude problem and as someone who has difficulty even making eye contact with people I really didn’t think I could handle that, so I asked for a referral for my pick instead. 

Dr. Anderson had gone away for the new year, so it wasn’t until March that I was able to get in to see her (or February, or maybe April? My memory is really fuzzy on that for some reason). Anyway, when I had my appointment with her she took a look at my breasts. Her thoughts were that they were too large for my frame, with quite a lot of asymmetry (which is correct, I’d say my left side was a good 2 or 3 cups smaller), and that genetically they’d grown more on the top that the bottom which had resulted in a saggier appearance (also true, my nipples were far too low). Then she sat down with me and explained what the procedure would be and how she would do it. She asked me some questions about my health and family history, and gave me some information sheets. It was quite fast-paced but not in a rude way - it was just another rodeo for her while for me it was something life changing. After we were finished I went out to the front desk and the receptionist lady asked me if I wanted to book my surgery there and then, or take some time to think about it. I’d liked Dr. Anderson and was already set on my course of action so I decided to book my surgery date on the spot. Originally I was set for the 16th of May but due to some education I was fulfilling at the time I later had to move it to September the 18th. The suspense was maddening, I just wanted to get it over and done with.

THE SURGERY: Dr. Anderson decided to go with an ‘Anchor’ incision for my surgery, with some liposuction on the right-hand-side where I had some excess fat on the connection from my armpit to my breast. The anchor incision is described as:

The “anchor” breast reduction incision pattern follows around the perimeter of the areola, moving to a vertical line from the areola down to the breast crease, and then horizontally along the breast crease.

But how I would describe it is that she cuts underneath the boob fold, then in a line up and around the nipple. Y’know, like an anchor shape. She then takes out the excess breast tissue, and brings the nipple upwards to a more aesthetically balanced area before sewing everything back together. Then everything gets taped up with hyperfix dressings. Drains are inserted to take away the excess fluid your body produces to replace what is lost, and are removed 24 - 48 hours after surgery. 

THE ACTUAL SURGERY: I was told to check into the hospital 6.30am. I woke up at 2.30 that morning freaking the fuck out. I was determined and excited, but still scared. Of course I’d entertained the thought that everything could go horribly wrong and was getting flashbacks to the unhealthy amount of ‘Botched’ episodes I’d been watching leading up to The Big Day.

This next section is very long so I’m going to do dot points to seperate it out a bit.

- Check into hospital. Sign in at desk, fill out some paper work. I’d had to fill out and send in a booklet of admittance information detailing things like my height, weight, current medication, living address, next of kin etc so they already had most of my information. 

- Nurse comes to take me up to the second waiting area, where I sat for maybe 10 minutes before a different nurse took me into the pre-operative area. She took my weight and then we went into a curtained-off room where she went through and confirmed the information I’d given them and had me sign some consent forms. She gave me my hospital gown to change into and one of those towel-fabric dressings gowns, and a blanket. I also had to wear these super sexy surgery stockings that went up to my groin and were very tight, to stop blood clots from forming during surgery. Then she painted me up with this detol-like disinfectant and left to let it dry. 

- Dr. Anderson comes in a draws up her incision patterns. The anaesthesiologist also came in and asked a few questions like when I’d last eaten and if I was a smoker, confirmed my weight and height and some other details. Dr. Anderson took a ‘before’ photo and left to get scrubbed in. - Man comes in and gets me set up in a wheelchair and a heated blanket before rolling me across the hospital to the room where they’d be performing the surgery. There was a little room with a bed that I got into and was introduced to one of the nurses who’d be assisting, and she confirmed my info again before I was taken into the operating theatre. 

- Lay down on the operating table and meet the other guy who’s assisting. At my initial appointment with Dr. Anderson after I decided to book my surgery with her they had me fitted with a post-operative surgery bra, which they now laid underneath me so they could easily do up after they were done. 

- The anaesthesiologist put an IV in my arm and put a mask up to my face and told me I would fall asleep in a few seconds. That was a strange experience. I was totally awake one second and then I tasted this awful acidic taste, was hit with a brief but blinding headache and then boom... gone. 

- Next thing I know I’m waking up and there’s this absolute angel of a nurse (who I never actually saw ‘cause I had my eyes closed the whole time but her voice became my crutch in that first post-op hour) asking me if I wanted some water and showing me where my pain relief button is. Apparently I had a lot of pink surgery paint on my face which she made a valiant effort to remove and put some lip balm on my lips because they were super dry and I was really dehydrated, not having had any food or liquid since the day before (gotta fast before surgery so that you don’t choke on your vomit while your under anaesthetic).

- I was in that post-op area for maybe an hour? I was drifting in and out of unconsciousness and doped up so my perception of time was pretty screwy.  I just remember angel-nurse telling me my room was ready and that she would be guiding the bed there. Apparently the beds have sensors or something that follow marks on the floor so all the nurses have to do is press a button and the bed drives itself, thought that was pretty cool.

- They took me into my room and I fell asleep again until I hear my mum’s voice asking the nurse how I was doing. It was a few hours later and she’d come in to visit. The hospital staff were doing their afternoon tea round so I had a coffee and some cake, and more water. I literally cannot describe how thirsty I was, even hooked up to an IV drip. Mum sat with me for like an hour but I kept passing out on her so we decided there wasn’t much point in her hanging around. 

- The nurses came in once every hour to take my blood pressure, temperature, and oxygen levels. I had an IV in my left arm and another tube I think was probably the pain relief. The drains were coming out from both sides just underneath my armpits but they were really thin and I didn’t even realise they were there until I went to the toilet later and had to hold onto the collection bags. I had a blood-pressure cuff wrapped around my other arm so that they didn’t have to bother me to connect it every time they came in, and an oxygen reader clipped to my finger, and I had a vice grip on my pain relief remote. I didn’t actually use it all that much but it was comforting knowing that it was there. I also had these weird massage things connected to my legs to keep the blood flowing. 

- I pretty much slept for the first 6 hours or so, drifting in and out and waking when the nurses came to check all my stats. The lady I was sharing a room with was watching the news, I had a TV too but I didn’t want to turn it on and have the sounds clashing together so I just listened to hers mostly. I had my phone on the table connected to my bed but I felt to groggy to really use it. They brought in some dinner (tomato pasta and mash) I thought it tasted pretty good. I’m not sure if hospital food just has a bad rap or if it was because I was SO hungry.

- My roomie left around 7pm and I had the room to myself after that. One of the nurses came in and folded back the room dividers and curtains so I could see out the windows, which was a nice thought. The hospital is up on a hill so you get a view of the highway and the city in the distance so it was nice to have something to look at. I didn’t sleep much that night but I’d been sleeping all day anyway and was still kind of dopey so I wasn’t that bothered. 

- Morning eventually came around and I had some breakfast and the nurses came in and asked if I was feeling up to going home. I had the option to stay another night but I was feeling pretty good and just wanted to go home to my own bed. Dr. Anderson came in checked everything out, and the nurses got me set up with my prescribed pain killers. They took out the drains, which didn’t hurt nearly as much as I’d been dreading. It was more of a strange and uncomfortable pulling sensation. The lady taking them out had me take a deep breath and exhale as she pulled them out, which is a technique I would highly recommend. 

- I was discharged around 10:30am, went home to bed, had some lunch, and slept a lot. You’re supposed to sleep sitting somewhat upright which was a lot easier in hospital with the adjustable bed, but at home I had to prop myself up with pillows which was pretty uncomfortable but for the first day or two I was too tired to really care. Later, I ended up sleeping on a beanbag but this post is long enough already so I’ll make a seperate one detailing the recovery so far.

THE PAYMENT: I live in South Australia so my experience with this is probably vastly different from someone who lives in another country, or even another state. I’m lucky enough to have private health insurance which means that I didn‘t have to pay for the hospital stay itself, and was able to get some of the other fees at a lower rate. 

There were three categories of payment: The Surgeon, the anaesthesiologist, and the assistance fee.

In my case, the surgeon was owed $5000, the anaesthetic was $500, and the assistance fee was $750. I’ll be getting some money back from the Private Health fund from the assistance, but I’m not sure how much. $5000 for the surgeon is a bit more expensive than some of the others I looked into considering I can’t claim that payment with the PH, but I knew I wanted Dr.Anderson so I was willing to pay. Surgery... is expensive. I’m lucky enough to live at home with my parents who charge me only a pittance to live with them, and have a relatively stable income as an aged care worker. I’ve always been a hardcore money-hoarder (AKA, a cheapskate), and knowing that surgery was something I wanted gave me the extra motivation to save enough to pay for it all. 

That being said, if you live in Australia you can go through this procedure under medicare! The reason I chose not to do this is because I wanted to choose my surgeon myself, choose which hospital the procedure was done in, and choose when the surgery itself would be performed. I don’t have all the info on this but its my understanding that through medicare you don’t have much of say in who, where, or when its done. One of my coworkers is getting her mammoplasty done through medicare so if anyone wants more info regarding this, I can ask her no worries :) 

This is all a lot longer than I had intended for it to be and I’ve been writing for hours so I’ll stop myself here. I am almost at the one-month post-op milestone so I’ll write a seperate post detailing my recovery in a few days.

If anyone has any questions regarding this surgery please, please, feel free to ask. It makes it so much less scary and easier if you have someone you can grill for info, and I’m happy to be that person for anyone considering surgery no matter what stage you’re in. Having this surgery is honestly the best thing I have ever done for myself and I really encourage anyone who wants it to look at all their options, because now that its done I cant imagine having to carry that weight around for the rest of my life. 

Before I forget, I was somewhere around a 12E before have come down to a 10DD at this stage. Doesn’t seem like that big of a difference but they will likely go down again as the swelling reduces. They took 400~ grams from my left and 600~ from my right. I feel fantastic :) 

[two-us-two-ks]

Sorry in advance about the rant but...

I despise allergy season. And I can’t stand antihistamine. Not because it doesn’t work, it does. But it shouldn’t make me feel this lethargic, the medication I’m on is not supposed to do that. But when you’re sensitive to all kinds of meds, that’s what you get.

I fell asleep during the first intermission and couldn’t keep my eyes open during the second period. I woke up to us winning the game and passed out again (around 11pm my time). I woke up at 2.30, took the dog out for a short walk, went back to bed. I woke up at 10. And I still feel like I could sleep for another six hours. I’m too tired to even count how much sleep I got.

Don’t get me wrong: I rather do this than suffer from allergy symptoms. I’m just frustrated at myself for being this sensitive to everything. And I mean it. Back when I used to travel by train, I’d have to take meds for my motion sickness. I took the kids’ dose even as a teen - and I’d pass out (they’re supposed to do that, at least). I’m too afraid to try them while I’m on my ssri’s, because no matter what the pharmacists say about it being fine, I know my body better than them. I know how it works. I know I can’t drink more than a glass of wine unless I want a two-day hangover.

Oh, and starting my depression medication back in the day? It was pure hell. Maybe even worse than that, honestly. Now, I know it’s not easy, I know there are symptoms. But... Two days of headache worse than migraine, the same amount of throwing up in less than an hour of taking the pill. General shitty feeling, dizziness, and fucked up dreams (for some reason all my dreams were black with the lines of people and things being either red or green and moving like a cartoon). I begged for death. Not because of my depression but because of the medication fucking me up. But nowadays it’s fine, right? Sure. I only get symptoms like that if my dose is increased. And if I don’t take the pill within three hours of the usual time.

This was supposed to be a rant about the antihistamine, and only that. But I’m fucking frustrated at being oversensitive to everything. It’s not fun. It’s hard. I have to weigh in pros and cons every time I even think about adding another pill. I need to think about all the possible symptoms I may or may not get and decide if I’m ready to handle them. I need to explain this again and again to every pharmacist, doctor, family member, friend. Yes, even to those I talk to daily. Because they forget. They don’t have to go through this and they can’t fathom why I can’t just take a painkiller when I need one or travel whenever I want because hey: there’s medication for motion sickness! (Yes, I know. And it makes me fall asleep as soon as I’m in the train and the lethargic feeling will follow me for the next 24 hours. With half the dosage I’m “supposed to” take.)

And if anyone else has the same problem? I feel you, fam. I really do. Let’s be miserable together.

[nastysurgeon-blog]

OYE, U said he is just SERIOUS!!!

This Story, ah na, not a story, rather an incident better word to describe it, goes back in past, when I was a Timid, reserved, enthusiastic rather over enthusiastic Intern and working in PICU of busy Government Hospital During my pediatric posting.

We as intern used to have rotational duty, either day or night, and on such a duty I just joined the night shift and was busy taking charge from previous Co intern and he poor chap drenched in his own sweat through a busy day was explaining to me in detail about every case.

Suddenly he skipped a bed, the Bed NO 7, curious me just asked what about that bed and an irritated him replied, its full blown sepsis, they came here very late after visiting many Quacks ( That’s what we prefer to call all Great doctors who guaranty cure for many morbid disease, Pathogenesis of which hasn't explained in detail by even the latest edition of Robbins), again he came back just to show me antibiogram of her, which was resistant to Methiciilin ( So it was a MRSA) Sensitive to only Vancomycin which was not in stock in government hospital and they can’t afford it but has been arranged, in spite of that neither her counts are coming down nor fever, we also went through her Renal Functions which have already deteriorated, somehow he finished giving charge to me of all 30 patients with whom I have to spend my night. 

Long back ( Not too long also) we used to do our internship sincerely, as we used to think that as responsibility, we hardly remember carrying entrance books to duties like present generation who buy entrance books before actual text books, may be also because our professors were there to remind us repeatedly that We are being paid.

So the duty started, and as usual curious me started rounds with the Bed NO 7, after a through history, which revealed the start of disease with just an abscess in thigh with added trauma,  as they don’t  believe in allopathic treatment, so result of that i can see dozens of braded marks over arm, neck, beside abscess and scores of sacred threads around neck ( I have a huge faith on GOD even i have a scared thread tied around my arm by close friend and neck by mom, faith is at other end but treatable causes should be addressed first, but again question is do the patients attendees know what are treatable causes) 

Time: 8.30pm PG sir came for rounds, again he was about to skip that case, but over enthusiastic me reminded him and we both sat quietly with the attainder and explained the attendees about the present condition in their understandable language , we explained him grave nature, how localized PUS has gone to systemic , just because of negligence, which he was listening with a Fuck Off wala attitude, 

Time: 10.00pm I finished my all rounds, All documentation done , took high risk consent from the patient of Bed NO 7, explained him she is very serious, in his own understandable language.

Time: 11.00pm Staff on duty comes for rounds, he just wants to see Bed NO 7, felt too good, as its very unusual to see a staff on Duty coming for night rounds, he again examined her, changed some ventilator settings with help of anesthetists, and again explained the patients attendee about grave risk, she is very serious, her organs also not responding well were the terms used by my staff on duty.

Time: 1.30 am, Finished one more round of checking BP of all Possible patients and was sitting with a cup of tea brought by patient attendee of GB syndrome who was there with us since a month, applauds to few of our Nurses who used to take care of him like their own child.

Time: 2.00am, PG sir came, hey Sachin tired a lot, please wake me up SOS, or after half an hour, sure sir, i replied, he went to duty doctors room hardly 12 steps from first bed ,

Time: 2.30am, Yup it’s time to wake up PG and I’ll take a Nap, its mixture of enthusiasm of achievement when you cross past 2 on your duty day without admission, 

Suddenly Sister came, sir Bed No 7 not responding, rushed her pulse was feeble than ever before, blood pressure not recordable, gave infusion bolus of fluids (which may have stopped acting now) increased ionotropes, meanwhile started shouting for more help, by the time sir came she collapsed, ECG was flat line, CPR started, Inj adrenaline, Atropine the last resort was infused but brave soul stooped fighting now, and a life ended.

A silent ICU with in fraction of second turned into a havoc with hues, cries and a silent me started thinking about the time they lost with braids on her body costed her life. 

And from nowhere one of attendees came and pulled my shirt collar, and started shouting “u told she is just serious why she died then?” Shocked me thinking the synonyms of serious other than that, or maybe he is right, serious and death are not synonyms, and when he was about to slap me , my PG came running and meanwhile the security also, so i was saved.

But why the baby died? Whom to blame?

Her parents? But they did everything didn’t they? What all they did can be seen by no. of braided marks and the scared threads

Her parent’s locality? Which gave her the infection, but there she is living since years

Her parent’s awareness?

Her income? But we see lot of well rich patients succumbing to major illness due to mere negligence

Her education?

Whenever I think of all these eyes get wet? And I start thinking are Serious and death Synonyms?

[aonekohime-blog]

Recap on Japan Trip 28/4

28.4.2018

I think around 2.30 am ish we took garb taxi to KLIA which cost around RM105 for 6 seater car. Our flight will be on 7.10 am, so before that we grab our roaming wifi from Roaming Man booth near McD. Then took some pics and brainwash-ing my sissy to listen to Banana Allergy HAHHAHAHA

Then we check-in our bags around 4 am (do note that the counter usually started to open around 4 am, because when we arrived around 3 am, no counters open, not even one counter). 

Then we marched to the Departure gate, went through those cool auto-immigration gate, ride the train to another gate. Waited for few hours then TAKE OFF TO JAPAN! 

We choose All Nippon Airways (ANA)  ‘cause GURL LET ME TELL YOU that their flights are cheap! We book 4 flights from 

KUL-NARITA, HANEDA-KANSAI, KANSAI-HANEDA and HANEDA-KUL

only for RM2250. Quite a reasonable price as we book only less than 2 weeks before the trip. Usually people would ride Shinkansen - bullet train to travel between Tokyo to Osaka which cost RM 1050. Instead, we purchased return ticket flights for domestic travel ( Tokyo - Osaka) which cost only RM400 (This price already included in RM2250). Jimat la RM650 

AFTER 7 HOURS OF ENDLESS WAKEUP-EAT-SLEEP,

WE ARRIVED AT TOKYO! 

-----to continue on the next post---

OK here’s a shitty story about KLOOK

I purchased wifi rental at their websites 5 days before our flight date, and they decide to NOT tell me that the date was fully booked! So, 2 days before we take off, I was confused why the wifi-rental is still in processing, so I emailed them, and they replied were so fucked up. Basically, they said that the package I choose isn’t valid as the travel date only valid to rent between 27 Feb-31 May 2018. {Nampak dak kebangangan di sini, padahal aku travel between 28 April sampai 8 Mei.} So, I emailed them back, saying that it’s valid, nearly 12 hours, still no update on this issue, so I emailed them back. Then they stated that “wifi device is unavailable during your rental period, therefore this booking needs to be canceled”. Maka dgn itu aku pun terpaksa la cancel, Malam tu memang aku x leh pikiaq sbb dah x tahu nak rent dekat mana dah. Last-last terjumpa la Roaming Man punya adds dkt Google. It was smooth transaction, pay on the website and just collect at their booth whether in KLIA or KLIA 2. Easy breezy.