#it took me a full hour to write this originally last night

[gloomwitchwrites]

Locker Room: Simon's POV

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Female Reader

Content & Warnings: swearing, possessive behavior, unprotected piv (wrap it up irl), dirty thoughts, multiple creampie

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: originally for @glitterypirateduck 's Ghost Writing Challenge, this is Simon's POV follower parts ONE & Two of Locker Room.

A/N(2): Remember how I said I was in the emergency room and have been feeling like absolute shit? Well I slept for 48 hours and I felt well enough to write this. Enjoy!

Part One // Part Two

ao3 // taglist // main masterlist

A bloke shouldn’t have his wank interrupted in the shower.

Simon had been in his head, his hand around his cock, stroking himself to the image of the woman he’s been thinking about for the last few fucking months.

He had heard the silence first, all the banter in the locker room ceasing. That pulled him right out of it, and in seconds Simon stepped out of the shower with a towel around his hips. Your voice drifted in, demanding an audience with him.

And he knew why.

He left that little note on purpose.

The reports are just fine, sweetheart.

Simon wanted to rile you up, to push you a bit, but he didn’t think you’d barge into the men’s locker room just to confront him.

When he appeared, and everyone cleared out, Simon didn’t expect such fire from you. He thought you would fold. That with one look you’d melt into him, but you did the opposite. And then you grabbed him by the fucking dog tags and kissed him.

Simon was done for.

The moment you left, he returned to that shower and jerked himself so fast it almost hurt. He had to have you, but Simon wasn’t going to go after you right then. He made himself wait, and that was the hardest fucking part. Simon desired nothing more than to follow you out of that locker room, toss you over his shoulder, and carry you off.

He’s glad he waited. Simon took you in your office, and yet it wasn’t enough. Not for either of you. Worse, Simon could tell that you were going to end it right then, leave everything nice and tidy. And Simon wasn’t having that.

Now, you’re here, in his home.

Naked. Bare. Skin glossy with sweat. Pussy full of his cum.

You’re fucking beautiful like this, and the sounds you make are even sweeter.

With arms outstretched against the bed, you arch your back, pushing your ass up into the air. Simon fills his hands with those perfect cheeks. He squeezes, leans forward, and gently bites, pulling forth a moan from your lips that goes straight to his dick.

You’ve been milking him all fucking night. You keep demanding more, and Simon is happy to give it. He doesn’t want to go into work. He wants to stay right here. With you. In his bed.

With your knees digging into the top of the bed, you spread them a bit, exposing your pussy to Simon. He cannot help himself when he sees the mess he’s made there. Removing one hand from your ass, Simon runs his fingers over your slick pussy. The sound of his fingers sliding through you invades the room, and it is all Simon can focus us.

It’s a gorgeous sight. A gorgeous sound.

“You want more, love?” asks Simon gently.

His gaze sweeps over your body as his fingers play with your pussy. You shiver, inhale sharply, and then moan a reply that sounds like an agreement. You’re almost twitching with need. You can’t stay still. Every part of you is asking for more, opening for him, but Simon needs to hear those sweet words on your lips.

“Tell me,” he says again, this time leaning over your body to grasp your face and turn your gaze on him. “Tell me what you want.”

“I want you inside me, Simon.” You’re begging, almost pleading, and Simon will happily oblige.

Gently, Simon releases you from his hold, only to press you into the position he wants. You’re flat on your stomach as Simon runs his hands up and down your back. It’s a soothing gesture, but it’s mostly to comfort you than him.

Simon is burning beneath his skin. He desperately wants to be inside you, but he also knows that he’s exhausted you, and while you’re not entirely satiated, he doesn’t want you to push it.

His hands fall upon your hips. Simon eases them up a bit, urging your thighs apart with his knees. You comply, and the obedience is delicious to him. You’re demanding—full of fire—and yet for him, you’re melting before his eyes. It’s so different from the Locker Room and from your office.

Slowly, Simon drapes himself over you, flexing his hips back to line the head of his cock up to your entrance. The moment he starts to push in, you groan loudly, body starting to lift from the bed. But Simon relaxes his weight, trapping you beneath him. He props himself up on his left elbow and forearm. While is other hand pressed into the bed next to your waist.

There is no escape. You cannot wiggle out from under him or even buck against him. Simon likes it like this. Like you beneath him. Likes you sweaty. Panting. Begging.

Simon retreats and thrusts forward, sliding in to the hilt. Even now, you’re so fucking tight it’s smashing his brain into mush. He needs to fucking control himself, to make this pleasurable for you as much as it is for him.

He starts slow, finding a rhythm that has you moaning in just the way he likes. It’s almost a tell. Even now, Simon is reading your signals.

Simon brushes his lips against the curve of your shoulder. His tongue darts out to taste the salt. “You’ve been so good for me,�� he murmurs. “Taking me well all night.”

“Simon,” you groan as he hits that sweet spot.

Simon grins against your shoulder blade. His hand slips from the bed to slide underneath your body. With each stroke, Simon stimulates your clit. He doesn’t change pace. He knows better. Soon you’re melting. Shaking. Each breath of yours quickening until it’s a guttural groan that even has Simon questioning his sanity.

You vibrate and shake. There is victory on Simon’s tongue. He slips his hand from beneath your body only to tangle it in your hair. He holds firm and then he rocks his hips faster, grunting his own need out above you until his lower-half tenses, and then he’s gasping, his release flooding your pussy.

Simon almost collapses.

He is worn out. Fucking tired. How many times have the two of you fucked tonight? At least five. And this might just be the last of the evening.

Simon runs his hand over your hip and waist only to dip to your stomach. With one fluid motion, Simon curls onto his side, bringing you to rest against his chest. Brushing your hair out of face, Simon kisses a trail from the curve of your shoulder to your lips.

You greet him with a smile.

Simon’s hand roams upward, only to lightly wrap around the front of your neck. You do not protest or push back at this, and something primal within Simon awakens.

This is not a one-time thing for him. You are his, and if that means he needs to mark his territory, he fucking will. Any man at work that even looks at your wrong is dead.

Well—not dead. But Simon will make damn sure they know to back the fuck off.

You’re his. Even if you haven’t agreed. Even if you haven’t decided anything.

You are not walking away.

This isn’t over.

taglist:

@km-ffluv @tiredmetalenthusiast @miaraei @cherryofdeath @sapphichotmess

@saoirse06 @haven-1307 @ferns-fics @spicyspicyliving @lialacleaf

@unhinged-reader-36 @miss-mistinguett @ravenpoe67 @tulipsun-flower

@sageyxbabey @cod-z @keiva1000 @littlemisscriesherselftosleep @umno-yeah

@mudisgranapat @ninman82 @webmvie @blackhawkfanatic @contractedcriteria

@talooolaaloolla @rogerrhqpsody @sadlonelybagel @cinnabeanz @aykxz98

@lulurubberduckie @leed-bbg @daemondoll @iloveslasher @yawning-grave81

@voids-universe @itsberrydreemurstuff @azkza @ash-tarte @sammysinger04

@certainlygay @soapyreaper @hantheconqueror @dakotakazansky @jaggersinclair

@suhmie @kidd3ath @lovely-ateez @marispunk

[krisdreaming]

Baby Fever

Pairing: Miya Atsumu x f!reader

WC: 1.2k

Summary: Osamu and his wife just had a baby. Now Atsumu sees them everywhere.

A/N: This kind of took a very different direction than I was originally planning and tbh, I kinda hate it now, but I spent over two hours writing it, so I'm gonna roll with it anyway. Maybe when I re-read it in the morning, I'll hate it less 😅

There's a term for it. Atsumu isn't sure what it is, but he knows that as soon as you're exposed to something new, you start noticing it around you more and more. That must be why, ever since Osamu's son was born, he's been seeing babies everywhere. They're at the grocery store. They're at the park. Suddenly, half of his teammates have been expanding their families like it's some kind of competition.

Suffice to say, Atsumu has seen more than his share of babies over the past few weeks. Sure, they're cute, or whatever. When a baby smiles at you, you can't help but smile back. When they grab onto your finger, you let them hold it for as long as they want. When they engage you in a staring contest across the grocery store aisle, you only put up a little bit of a fight before giving them the satisfaction of winning, flashing a sheepish smile at their mom or dad as you turn the corner.

The sight of the little monsters has started to trigger a strange twinge in Atsumu's middle, which he chalks up to the fact that he's an uncle now. There's a brand new member of his family, and he's really happy for Osamu and his wife. Seeing the babies everywhere reminds him of that. That's all it is.

See, the two of you had talked about this. You aren't ready for kids right now. He's in the prime of his volleyball career, and you love your job. You're both happy as just the two of you, spending your free time together doing the things you enjoy and getting a full eight hours of sleep each night. Having a baby would change everything. Your last discussion on the topic, right after Osamu and his wife had shared their pregnancy with the two of you, had ended on that exact note. He's pretty confident that's still how you feel. He's relatively confident that's still how he feels, too.

Of course, the longer it goes on, the harder it is to explain away. He watches Osamu doting on his son, snuggling him close and kissing his cheeks and smiling bigger than Atsumu's ever seen before. He knows his brother is tired, but he doesn't seem to care. He watches the way he looks at his wife, and the way both of them look at their son, and it softens something inside him. He sees you cradling your nephew close, cooing down at him with a soft smile, and his heart turns over in his chest.

Finally, one day, he comes to Osamu with a question.

"What's it like?" Osamu is wiping down the counter at Onigiri Miya, clearly trying to disguise his surprise and mild consternation at seeing his brother show up out of the blue, five minutes before closing time.

"What's what like?" He grunts, scrubbing at a ground-in glob of rice.

"Y'know," Atsumu gestures vaguely, "Being a dad."

"Ah," Osamu hums, grasping that quickly what this is all about. "It's incredible. I mean, don't get me wrong," He chuckles, "It ain't easy. It's way worse than whatever ya try to imagine based off a' everybody's helpful advice," He lifts his hands in air quotes. "But somehow, it's also worth it, in a way ya never could've imagined it would be. The way ya feel every time ya look at 'em - ya can't even put it into words."

Atsumu isn't sure how he's supposed to respond to that, so he just nods. Osamu smiles, looking him up and down with a too-critical eye. "Any special reason yer asking?"

"No," Atsumu says with a quick shake of his head, "Just curious, 's all."

Osamu nods, not saying another word, but the smirk on his face is more than enough to make Atsumu want to knock it clean off. Osamu's answer is exactly what he'd been afraid of.

It comes to a head one sunny Saturday afternoon when the two of you meet up with Osamu and his wife and son to visit a festival. The afternoon is starting to wind down when Osamu unceremoniously dumps the baby into Atsumu's arms. "Hey, mind watching him while we go to the bathroom quick?"

"Ah, sure," Atsumu says to his brother's already-retreating back. You poke at the baby's irresistibly pudgy cheeks, giggling along with him when your attentions illicit a bout of laughter.

"Oh my, what a sweetheart!" The elderly woman seems to appear out of nowhere, something Osamu is constantly describing but which Atsumu hasn't experienced until this moment. "Such a happy baby," She grins. "How old is he?" She looks expectantly at you, and after you gather your wits, you answer her.

The woman nods knowingly, as if she'd predicted as much. "Are you having a fun day with Mommy and Daddy?" She asks next in a goofy voice, completely oblivious to the way Atsumu chokes on the breath he'd just been inhaling and you shoot him a wide-eyed glance.

"Ah, well, actually-" You stammer out, at the same time Atsumu blurts, "We're not his parents."

"I see," She says good-naturedly, "Well even so, he looks very happy with you." With that, she goes on her merry way, and you and Atsumu share a bewildered look. Osamu and his wife return from the bathroom, and neither of you mentions the awkward encounter. It doesn't come up until later that evening, when the two of you are lying in bed.

"That was really somethin' today, huh?" Atsumu asks, trying to ignore the fact that his stomach is suddenly in knots.

"The old lady?" You chuckle weakly. "Yeah, 'Samu's right, they really don't have any shame, do they?"

"Yeah," Atsumu says, then takes a deep breath. "Do ya think, maybe, it's time to have that conversation again?"

You're silent for a few moments, and he can't quite place the emotions that cross your face. He doesn't have to explain which conversation he means.

"Maybe," You finally agree in a low voice. "Are you saying that your decision might be different this time?" It could be his imagination, but Atsumu almost thinks that you look hopeful.

"Maybe," He says carefully. "Would yours?"

"Maybe," You echo him, but there's a smile playing at the corners of your mouth.

"There would be a lot of changes," He says softly, fingertips tracing aimless shapes up and down your arm.

"Maybe we're ready for those changes," You murmur back, catching his hand in yours and letting him twine your fingers together.

He brings your hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it. "As long as I've got you, I think I might be."

"Me too," You say, leaning in slightly to nudge the tip of your nose against his. When he kisses you, he hopes the pressure of his lips can convey even the things he can't put into words. He can't imagine living this life with anyone else.

[multifan2022]

*Prewarning.. this is my first attempt at writing again.. I haven't touched my laptop since January so bare with me lol*

You could feel the warm wetness running down the side of your neck as you sat pinned at a weird angle. There was a sharp and hot pain every time you took a breath as you tried to remember where you were. What was the last thing you did? You couldn't remember getting in the bronco. Didnt remember driving away from the house. All you could remember was fighting with Bradley. 

“Why would you say that to him Brad?! You know how devastated he was when Goose died! You're not the only person that hurt Rooster! FUCK!” You slammed your hands down onto the counter, having a hard time even looking at your husband. While you and your dad were not close, you never blamed him for what happened with Goose. Sure you blamed him for the short break up between you and Bradley as young adults but clearly that was in the past. All you wanted now was for them to figure it out, you wanted to be a family, have a family. But now as Bradley stood here looking at you the same way he looks at Mav.. You were questioning things..

You hadn't even noticed that you called him Rooster.. A thing that just started after the move back to Fightertown. Because you had always known Bradley, he wasn't Rooster too you.. But every night when he came home, a little more mad, and a little more distant, your Bradley was being replaced by Rooster. The aviator who was the best of the best, who was part of the 1%. But was also the aviator who had taken the anger and trauma Bradley had and used it to mold himself. 

“No one to mourn you when you burn in… Really Bradley, because last time I checked, I am the one and only emergency contact for BOTH OF YOU!”

That if your rattled brain could remember correctly was the spark that lit the match. You and Bradley did not fight often, but when you did it was explosive. The kind of fights that left people in tears, the kind that led to words that should've been left unspoken. One of you always ended up on the couch for a few hours, normally both in tears until one of you couldnt take it anymore. Tonight was the first night that one of you actually left. 

You didn't even know which part it was that pushed Bradley over the edge. Was it you telling him you couldn't have kids with him if he couldn't get his anger under better control? That you refused to keep Mavs grandkids from him one day over some pulled papers? Was it when you said that you had sacrificed enough to be with him, that you had to draw the line? Was it when you told him Goose and Carol would be disappointed in how he treated Mav today? 

No matter what it was, the words he spoke as he left stung enough to leave you standing in the same spot for at least 30 minutes after he left. When you blinked and everything caught up with you, you realized the quietness of the house was turning your stomach. Without thinking you slipped shoes on and grabbed your keys. Originally you wanted to just drive your jeep around, clear your head since Bradley had just taken the doors and top off. But when you noticed the bronco still in the drive you couldn't resist being just a little close to Bradley. 

That's how two hours later you ended up driving down some road next to some beach. Honestly at this point you weren't even sure where you were. All you could think about was how hard you were crying as Tim McGraw and Tswift came on. Highway don't care, it seemed poetic, if a song was ever written for the aftermath of this fight, it was this one. When it ended, you had decided it was past time to call Bradley, to find out where he was and at least get you both home. Unfortunately you accidentally knocked your phone out of the old cup holder and onto the passenger floor. One last attempt to save it before it flew out the open door was made. 

You should've let it fly out the door. Because as you stretched across the cab, a car full of intoxicated teenagers came down the middle of the road. You could've sworn you heard someone yell your name as you sat straight up, jerking the wheel way too harshly in your panic to try and miss them. You desperately tried to keep control of the bronco as you skid sideways, unable to get control before it flipped down the side of the bank. 

That's where you were now, wondering how much more Bradley would hate you for crashing his late fathers baby. In your concussed mind, this would be the feather that shattered your relationship. The nail in the proverbial coffin. Part of you registered how long you had been hanging sideways in your seat, the truck having stopped on the passenger side after flipping a few times. You registered that you were struggling to breathe, and definitely were bleeding. You didn't hear any sirens, knew that the teens had not stopped. But thankfully, as one Amelia Benjamin, was dropped off at home her conscience overran her fear of being in trouble. 

So she told her mother and her boyfriend how she had been out drinking. How there had been a vehicle, one she swore she knew, that ended up off the road and she couldn't get anyone to stop. The two adults reassured her that while she was in trouble, she made a good choice in telling them. That maybe she saved someone's life. Little did they know how closely this would hit their little family. 

~~

Jake was over Bradley, the new found friendship they had was great. But it was two in the morning, and Jake honestly just didn't get it. He couldn't imagine having a lifelong love. A childhood best friend turned into the love of his life. So he couldn't wrap his brain around why Rooster was sitting in his kitchen right now. He also couldn't figure out who Rooster was mad at, himself or you? He told him as much and was surprised and worried when big brown eyes lifted from the floor with tears in them. 

“Myself, I think.” Roosters voice croaked “Because she's right ya know.. How can I ask her to give me a family when I cant even be nice to her dad? You know I didn't even ask for his blessing? Not because I thought he would say no, but because I thought it would be a slap in the face to him.. I've always used her as a way to hurt him..” Rooster broke off in a sob. It hurt Hangman's heart to see how hard of a time his wingman was having. But if he knew you, and he felt like he did, you were going through it worse. 

Taking a deep breath he pushed off his counter, annoyed that he was pulling his boots on with his impromptu sweat pants and grabbing his truck keys. Roosters watery eyes followed him before he jumped from his stool, understanding what was happening. When the two were finally in the truck Jake spoke, “Look Bradshaw, I know we aren't great friends or whatever, but I'm gonna tell you something that's gonna suck to hear.” Without looking he clicked the radio off before he continued. “Y/n.. She's a once in a lifetime kinda woman. The kind that will put up with just about anything to make things work. But once she draws a line in the sand, its there forever. Not just for you, but for the next guy too.” 

The hair on Rooster's arms stood on end, not only because of Jakes words but he swore he heard another male voice whisper his name. “What do you mean.. The next guy..” Jake scoffed at how soft and confused Rooster's words were. “My man.. Do you think she will stick around if the one thing she asks of you, is something you refuse to do? She has already given up her father walking her down the aisle.. He wasn't even at the wedding right? She's moved all over to be with you. The only long term roots she has are from when she lived with you as a kid. When was the last time she asked something big of you?” 

Rooster couldn't recall, causing Jake to just sigh and shake his head “I'm telling you this as your friend.. Fix this.. Because I wont fuck up where Maverick is concerned” Jake smirked at Bradley as they pulled into the driveway of your shared home. Rooster was practically out of the truck before it was in park, neither of them registering that the Bronco was gone. Jake watched as Bradley yelled your name, panicking more and more as he cleared each room. When he made it back to the living room he was already pulling his phone out. His thumb didn't even hesitate to click the call button as he tried to get ahold of you. 

He called over and over again, not knowing that you were watching as your phone buzzed just a few feet from the car. You could swear you saw a man who looked just like Bradley walk up to the Bronco and give you a sad smile. Your eyes closed just as the bright blue and red lights started flashing close enough to illuminate your accident. Your last thought about how Bradley would get what he wanted. What his final sentence had been to you, come to life.. It just cost him the Bronco. 

~~~

The ER was nuts on a good night, but tonight a Nurse named Layla was panicking. She had only met you a few times, being one of Hangman's regulars. At first, when she heard the explanation of the vehicle she was sure it was a Bradshaw, but unfortunately there was no IDS in the car and the police in the rush of trying to save you, had missed your phone. It wasn't until she rushed into the room to help with the CPR rotation that she knew it was you. Your hair was matted back with blood, the number of cuts and bruises amazed her. She was even more amazed that the tattoo on your hip was untouched. The one of a rooster with aviators on, the one that had confirmed who you were. 

Quickly announcing that she knew who you were she ran from the room. Slipping sideways as she tried to open her employee locker. She had never dialed Jake's number so quickly. 

Jake felt sick after he hung up. He was thankful for Layla, honestly he had always really liked her and this made him feel like he needed to take the whole thing with her seriously. But as he looked at Bradley, who was practically hyperventilating he didn't know how he was going to get him to the hospital. Layla had told him it was bad, bad enough that she didn't know if you were going to make it. Hangman heard the words come out of his mouth before he could stop them. They were harsh and he wanted to take the way he said it back almost immediately. “Bradshaw, looks like I found your wife.. She's in the hospital.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bradleys entire world came crashing down in a matter of nanoseconds. He kept trying to say what by only the wh would come out. He could see Jake's mouth moving as he ushered him back to the truck, and could comprehend that he was on the phone with Mav. But he couldn't grasp anything. 

Well that is until the last interaction he had with his wife, the wife who was currently dying, played in his head. The one where he stormed out, didn't tell her he loved her. Didn't give her a kiss. Just said words that want to make him vomit now. Jake didn't fully hear him the first time he spoke, but when he asked Rooster to repeat himself, it took a lot of self control to not hit the man. 

“My last words to her.. They were that I'd probably be better off without any of the Mitchells..”

Bradley's mouth tasted sour, his whole body weighed down as he cried silently. Thinking about how much he would hate himself if he couldn't make this right. What if you left him after this? Would you move in the Mav? Get with someone like Jake? God he doesn't think he could watch it. Doesn't think he could handle you even packing an overnight bag to be away from him for a night. Why did he always let this happen? 

Why does he always let his anger just blurt out, why does he always take it out on you? When Mav had pulled his papers? It had been you he left. When his mom passed and you were trying to clean the house up for the wake.. It had been you he screamed at, even you whose head was right next to the wall he threw her favorite coffee cup into. But he only ever remembered the parts he liked. The memories where you held him while he cried and tried to pick up the pieces of that cup. Where he found a replacement in the cupboard a few days later. The parts of your story that made him feel loved. Like when he showed up at UVA, standing on your townhouse step with a duffle bag, sad eyes and apologies. It had been pouring rain, you had made him beg on his knees on the front porch before letting him in. 

He didn't hear any of Jake's words on the drive, and was out of the car even sooner this time. His feet eat up the distance between him and the front desk attendant. When they tell him you're still unstable and he will have to wait, he almost passes out. Once again Jake leads him to a seat. He doesn't register anything that doesn't have to do with you. He barely notices as the other members of the squad show up. Maverick kneels in front of him trying to catch his eye. But when he does, Bradley loses it. The tears that have been silently streaming down his face are now coming out in full sobs. Bradley keeps apologizing over and over, for not treating his daughter the way he should have. For what he said, for how long he has let this go on. It's like sad but relieving word vomit. 

Once Bradleys done, he moves on to reassuring an equally distressed Amelia. Who crying and sobs every word out as she explains to someone she looks at like a big brother, what happened. Bradleys not mad at her, hes not even mad at her friends. He's mad at himself, because had he grown up sooner, had he not been the reason for this fight, you wouldn't have been out on the road anyways. You would've been at home, wrapped up in his arms watching trash tv before having sex and falling asleep. He put you here, he knows that. 

When Layla comes out and says a soft hi, it breaks her heart and fills it to see the entire group here. She's surprised when Jake comes and hugs her, kissing the top of her head and thanking her profusely. She spoke as frankly and kindly as she could. “It was touch and go for a while. We lost her a few times.. She was unconscious when the cops found her.. She's got a long road ahead of her. Collapsed lung, small brain bleed, lots of bruises and a handful of broken bones. She's stable for now, but I don't really have good news yet. The first 24 hours are crucial.” 

All Bradley could hear as Layla led him and Maverick down the hall was that you had died.. Multiple times. He heard Mav gasp slightly as he entered the room, and it was like glue that forced Bradleys feet to stay in place. Layla paused as your dad walked towards you and turned to your husband. “I know this is hard Rooster.. But Y/ns a fighter.. She fought hard while in the Bronco, fought harder in the ambulance and here to stay with you.. But now she needs you..” Layla squeezed his arm as he took the small step to the doorway. 

The scene in front of him was nothing like in the movies. Ones where they show someone who was ‘in an accident’ but is barely bruised up. No, because the woman laying before him couldn't be his wife. Your skin was grayish, instead of the healthy tan glow you had developed under the Cali sun. The multiple leads and wires you had on you helping to sustain your life made him sick. A collar around your neck to keep your head stable. There were gashes across your beautiful face, and bruises on every inch of skin he could see. He knew the next moment he had with you would be make it or break it. You would either wake up, and be happy to see him.. Or you would wake up and ask him to leave.. 

Now all he could do.. Was wait. 

[mybelovedwoo]

i'm glad i have you with me

bff!san x f!reader

fluff, comfort, childhood best friends to lovers (slow burn) / wc:1.3k

warnings: cheating, crying, swear words, cuddling

note: so tell me how you liked this one. i am a bit nervous because this is my first non-wooyoung fic, but i really enjoyed writing it. please stay tuned in the future for other members' fics too. if you want to be tagged in any of my fics you can apply here <3

san masterlist - main masterlist

Sitting on a couch at a house party all alone with people you don't know, there's literally any other place you would rather be. Originally you came with you're boyfriend Seungjun, but you haven't seen him in hours. You weren't much of a party person, but this time you accompanied him, because he begged you for days for it, but now you are starting to regret it honestly.

You take out your phone from your back pocket, but before you open it, you look around once more to see if your boyfriend pops up somewhere, you are out of luck, so after you unlocked it, the first thing you open is your messages. Your fingers linger over Seungjun's name, but it says he's been unavailable for hours, no shit Sherlock, you think. Instead, you scroll down a bit and open the messages for your best friend, San.

You know well that he probably not gonna answer, because it's Saturday night, and he is most definitely out with his friends too. You don't care, you try it anyway, he is your best chance to rescue you out of this hell. "Hey, San." is the first you send, you're not sure what to write him, you don't want to bother him. "What are you doing?" you wait a few minutes, but he's not responding, his phone is probably on mute. "I'm kinda bored, I don't know where Seungjun went. I need your rescue ㅠㅠ." Nothing, no response. You feel really annoyed at this point, but not because San, poor boy did nothing wrong, it is just a bad moment. "You know what I'm gonna look for Seungjun. Don't worry and have fun." You lock your phone and put it back in your back pocket.

You look around the kitchen, then in the yard, but you don't see him anywhere. You are getting kinda worried that maybe he left you there. At last, you walk up the stairs, the hallway is full of kissing couples, who must have only met tonight. The moment you enter one of the rooms, you regret everything you did until now. Your boyfriend was there with another girl you had never seen before, doing things you never expected him to do with anyone except for you. 

You didn't know what to do in the big shock, but you didn't speak up, maybe they didn't even notice you or just didn't care. But you turned around and hurried down the stairs, unable to control your tears. You just needed some fresh air, you had to get out of this place immediately. You crashed out of the entrance of the house and fell down to the stairs. Sitting there you didn't even think, you were already calling San. This is urgent now.

Your phone didn't even ring for two seconds when they already answered it. "Hey Y/N, is everything okay? I'm sorry my phone was on mute I haven't seen your texts. Have you found Seungjun? Wait, are you crying?" You couldn't even speak, though you wanted to tell him everything. "Y/N please say something! What happened? Are you hurt?" You took three big breaths to calm yourself down enough to talk a few words. "He cheated on me. Could you come to pick me up?" You didn't have to say more. "I've already sat in the car the minute I saw your messages, don't worry. I'll be there soon."

He wasn't lying, he got there in record time. You watched as he pulled up with his car to the driveway of the house. When he gets out of the car, is only when you get up from the stairs you've been sitting on. San rushed towards you at a high speed, so you didn't have time to move even an inch in his way.

"Where is that dickhead?" He asked with blunt words when he got to you. He seemed really angry, maybe even angrier than you, you had never in your life seen him like this before. You shrugged, implying that you don't know and don't care either. But that was not enough for him. "Is he still inside there?" You started to get a little worried.

"I think so. But please don't make a scene, let's just go home." You pulled him through his forearm when he already started walking to the entrance. "Wait for me in the car, okay? I'll be quick, I'm not gonna do anything he doesn't deserve, I swear." He said to you, while he stroked your face with his right hand. You hesitated, but who are you to tell him what to do, so you went up to his car and sat on the passenger side for like five minutes.

At this point you didn't care much about waiting a little longer, that's what you did all night long. San slammed the door behind himself, and somehow he looked even angrier than before. He got in the car next to you and when he looked at you his expression softened. "What did you do?" You asked him with a sobby voice. "I just showed him where he belonged. Let's just say he went swimming." You look down at his hands and you see it's all bruised up.

He started the engine. "San, I don't wanna go home. What if he comes there?" You didn't know what to do, since he had a key to your apartment. You couldn't bare to see his face once more.

"We're going to my place." He didn't even hesitate. You slept at his place many times now, but not since you started dating Seungjun. San was worried when you found out you are going to different colleges, he was afraid that you wouldn't spend as much time together as you used to. But you thought that was nonsense since you have been best friends since you were very little, you grew up together.

He never liked Seungjun, he always said he didn't deserve you. But he was your first boyfriend, and you were blinded with love, at least that's what you thought. Looking back, you also know that he didn't treat you well, but you don't know that when you're in it.

-

Entering San's apartment, all you could think about was that you needed to get some sleep asap. Weariness hit you the moment you got hit by the heat of the comfortable room. You didn't want to bother San with your presence, you don't know what plans he had. 

You've been quite comfortable in here, so you decided to lie down on the couch in the living room. "What are you doing?" Asked San, entering the room with a glass of water in his hand.

"Sleeping. I'm really tired." You mumbled, not able to speak properly.

"You can't sleep here. Go to my room, there is my bed. I'll sleep on the couch." You sat up at his statement. "No, you can't. This is your place." There's no way you letting him sleep out here in the cold living room when he has his own warm bed just a room away. "Let's sleep both in the bed. I think it's big enough for the both of us." You said. It's not like this is the first time you sleep in the same bed, you always fell asleep next to each other when you were little.

"Are you sure?" He hesitated. "We are not so small anymore." The joke made you both laugh, it made his heart clench to see you happy again.

After you took a warm shower, he gave you a big shirt of his and a jogger pant that was definitely too big for you. You got under the cover, San was already there, lying down. He turned off the lamp on the bedside table, which illuminated the whole room until now. 

As soon as it got dark your eyes started watering again, you remember everything that happened today. All of a sudden, you feel a pair of hands slip on your waist. San hugged you tightly from behind. "I got you." He whispered in your ears. He didn't let go of you all night long, you woke up in the same position the next morning.

-

[melodramaticatheart]

Falling to Pieces - Paedyn Gray x Kai Azer

Kai and Pae have made there way back to Ilyia, Kai now being a visitor for the night at Paedyn's fort.

Pairing: Kai Azer and Paedyn Gray Word Count: 1.2k Book: Powerless Author's Note: first time writing my babies ahhh ! this was a request by @nuncscioquidsitamor-14, which has been in my inbox for a couple weeks but now that i'm rereading powerless i felt inspired to finish it! also this was originally fluff but i'm not sure how it ended up being so angsty Taglist: @reminiscentreader, @flowers-for-em, @nqds, @art-of-fools, @lxvebelle

My breath was coming up short, pain shooting up my legs from holding my weight in the chimney now I had six sticky buns hidden in my pockets, honey oozing through the fabric. I plant my feet on the ground with a soft thud. Running down dark alleys until I find the familiar white house, well what was left of it. “Y’know I could arrest you for that.” “You could try, but we both know I'd escape” I cock my head to the side looking at Kai leaning against a street light, “So you going to hand me one or am I gonna have to steal it from you? Gray Style.” He asks, pushing himself off the pole, a shadow you’d miss if you weren’t looking. The night's darkness seemed to engulf him, only making parts of his smirk visible to me. “Here you go” I say plopping the sticky mess into his hand “But I must warn you they might not live up to Gale’s” “I don’t doubt it.” I smack his arm lightly making my way down the empty street, the stars glisten on the big canvas we call the sky helping light the slums “So…” Kai stumbled alongside me dumping a chunk of bun into his mouth “Where are we staying tonight?” “We?” I look at him skeptically, “Let me remind you down this road there’s a gold pristine palace waiting for you, with a nice big bed, and a table full of food.” I move my hand around and soften my voice to add awe to my words. He can probably hear the bitterness behind my words but doesn’t acknowledge them. “It’s funny you think I'd leave you alone, after losing you for a month.” He crossed his arm, walking backwards looking at me with a crooked grin, a dimple appearing on his right. I roll my eyes, giving in. “Come on, I'll take you to the fort.” “”The fort” sounds exciting.” He cocks his head, giving me a tight smile and turning his front back to the street.

With tight lips I make my way down the familiar alley, my stomach lurching. I hadn’t had time to return after… my thoughts caught off not allowing myself to think of the blood, the crooked fingers, the moans of pain. I stumble towards a wall staring at the small corner of the alley filled with rugged blankets and old discarded fabrics, I begin to mindlessly spin my father’s finger on my thumb. “This is home” I whisper, my lips trembling at the sight. Now that I’m closer I can make out the last bits of fabric I’d stolen for Adena before leaving for the trial. Anger bubbled up inside me, everything about this stupid kingdom has made innocent people suffer, and I was going to get them back. My hands instinctively turned to fists, the anger pooling in my gut. Kai grunted, bringing my attention to the boy who was now rubbing his neck, absentmindedly nodding his head as he slumped against the wall on the other side of the alley staring at the barricades of the place I'd grown to call home.

I went and sat next to him, not having enough courage to sit in the fort. Slowly I pulled out the sticky buns I’d stolen an hour ago, “these were her favorite'' I whisper, a look of understanding crossing his face, he quietly took the bun and threw a piece into his mouth chewing it for a few seconds as i started to nibble mine still not used to food in my stomach after so much time in the scorches. “These may not be Gale’s but they definitely come in a close second” I chuckle silently but It’s just to fill the silence. I throw my head back resting it against the wall, sighing the anger melts taking over me like a honey does a sticky bun. “I can’t do this” I breathe out, getting on my feet unsteadily. I start walking down the narrow lane ignoring the sound of Kai getting on his feet behind me “Hey, where are you going?” I hear him ask as he reaches me softly, turning me around so I can face him. “You okay, Gray?” His eyes turn 10 shades of sincere as he studies my face for an answer. I try to get out of his grip calling him enforcer just to anger him but he just stays silent not reacting to the title. “Just leave me alone Azer” I say finally getting out of his grip, almost making it out of the aisle before he calls out from behind me “Did I do something?” He asks, confused on why I'm acting this way. He doesn’t get it. He’s seen where I’ve spent the last five years sleeping and not even a little bit of sympathy from him. Even his brother could manage some when he saw the slums. No, what am I saying? I don't want his sympathy. What I want is to get him back. 

I scoff, loud enough he can hear me,  turning around stalking towards him. I point my finger at his chest, not being able to contain my anger any longer. “Are you seriously going to ask me here of all places if you did something?! Look Where we are your royal highness, we’re in the place I called home, a collection of blankets and fabric i’ve had to sleep in for five god damn years.” My tongue tastes bitter as I use his royal title. I resent him at this moment. “Do you know how hard it was? Huh?! Do you know, Kai? Having to sleep on the floor, only getting to eat on lucky days, getting whipped by your stupid guards just cause they felt they needed to teach a lesson towards a starving child!” I throw my hands to my hair letting my fingers dig into my scalp. I take a breath letting it fill my lungs “The only person I had, the girl I called my sister, the person I could trust with anything, I didn’t need to lie my way for her to call me a friend.” A sob broke through me, grief filling my insides. “She was all I had and your stupid kingdom, your stupid family took her away” I look at him dead in the eye as I finish “and you, you started all of it, you killed my father the only place of comfort I ever knew and you killed him right in front of me” I slowly crumble to my knees years of pent up grief releasing. The sobs come out heavy and sloppy as my heart starts to seize, I must look pathetic. The thought crosses my head causing a small laugh to leave the body of my lips. I suddenly feel fingers treading through my hair, his left arm wrapping around my waist. “I hate you!” I scream out, pounding my fists in his chest, he only pulls me closer “Hate me Pae. Hate me all you want.” He whispers into my hair, his hold loosening on me as my hits get softer, “It should’ve been me” I sob into his chest, my energy giving out, pain the size of my heart searing across my chest, my sobs growing quieter as the night gets colder.

[hollywoodroses]

Teacher’s Pet (A Duff McKagan FanFiction)

a/n: I originally wrote this fanfiction for another fandom which I posted and then deleted in 2020. I am the original writer of this storyline, this is my idea. This story has been re-written and edited. I am sharing this story earlier than expected because the text post about it was popular.

a/n #2: If you blink you’ll miss the appearance of axl.

warnings: smut, alcohol & drug use. Minors, do not interact please. Also there is no age!gap in this story. Everything will make sense when you read it until the end.

It was the first Monday after summer vacation. You were walking down the hallway to get to your classroom so you could greet your new students for the year at Vista Clara High School.

You had your hands full of folders with the new reading, projects and assignments material. Once you got to the room, you unlocked the door and put your bag and work on the desk. 

Ten minutes later and the bell rang, you walked to the door and opened it to say ‘hello’ to your students as they walked in. Once the last student walked in and took their seat you shut the door.

“Good morning class and welcome to AP English 12, this year we will be studying the work of…” A knock was heard at the door, cutting you off mid sentence and everyone stopped listening to look. 

You opened the door to see the principal and a young man with him. “Hello Y/N, I am sure you had a good summer. Please let me introduce you to Duff. He just moved here from New York. He shouldn’t be a problem for you as he was transferred from a college level prep school”. 

“Welcome Duff.” You said to him with a smile as principal McDonald left the room. 

Duff gazed at you as he walked past your desk and winked at you as he took the empty seat in the front row. 

You brushed it off as you started your lecture on The Great Gatsby.

During the long lecture, Duff would fool around with his classmates. This made you really upset but you didn’t want to say anything to cause a scene.

“Please write a report on the first five chapters of The Great Gatsby to be due in two weeks”. You explained to the class as the bell rang.

“See you on Saturday for the pool party, Duff”. Axl said as he was the last student to leave the room. 

When Axl left, Duff shut the door and looked at you with a smile. “Listen, I want to apologize for the way I acted in class today. I hope it wasn’t a bad first impression.”

Before you could respond with an answer, Duff cut you off. “Why don’t you come to my apartment on Friday night and I’ll cook you dinner to show you there are no hard feelings.” You knew it wasn’t right to meet your students outside of school but Duff seemed harmless. You were intrigued by him so you nodded in agreement. 

“See you then, Y/N.” Duff told you as he left you speechless. You sighed as the next group of students entered the room. It was going to be a long week.

**********

It was Friday evening and you were getting ready to meet Duff. You wore ripped jeans, t-shirt and a neon blue cardigan. You left home after an hour and drove twenty minutes to Duff’s apartment. 

When you got there, you parked your car and proceeded to walk up to his building. You looked up his name on the list and pressed three numbers to call him.

“Hello”. Duff answered after three rings.

“Duff, it’s Y/N from school. I am waiting downstairs”. You replied.

Duff unlocked the door and you opened it. You walked to the elevator to take you to the fourth floor where Duff lived.

When you finally exited the elevator, you noticed that the door to Duff’s unit was opened and he was waiting for you.

“Hello.” You said as you entered his apartment.

“Hey, you just made it and just in time too!” Duff explained as he walked over to give you a hug. 

After the hug, you took off your cardigan and gently put it on the couch that was near you. You sat at the dinner table as Duff poured you a glass of wine. 

While enjoying your meal together, Duff told you stories of being a small child in New York. He even mentioned how close he was to his little sister, whom he protected as they got older. 

Once dinner was finished, you helped Duff clean up and then moved to the couch to continue the conversation.

“So after university I settled in Los Angeles and started a job as a substitute teacher in an elementary school. My dream was always to teach in a high school. After gaining some experience, I applied at different school districts and finally got a call from Vista Clara. The rest is history.” You told Duff as you smiled.

“You are amazing, do you know that?”

You blushed and didn’t say anything. You were lost for words. 

“Listen, let me show you something. Do you trust me?” Duff asked.

You nodded, not knowing what you were getting yourself into.

Duff stood up for a few minutes and took out a plastic bag that was hidden in his bookshelf. 

The bag contained four small pink pills with the face of a devil. You started to get nervous as Duff sat beside you and took two pills out of the bag. He put both of them in his mouth and pulled you by your t-shirt. Duff kissed you softly and you felt him push one of the pills into your mouth with his tongue.

After a few moments, you suddenly felt a haze as you went under the high of the drug you took. As you were deep in the feeling of ecstasy you put your arms around Duff’s neck as the kiss deepened. You laid down as Duff got on top of you. You took a break from the kiss to take your shirt off as Duff unbuttoned his. Once your skin was bare, Duff kissed down your chest as he unhooked your bra. When he got to the button of your jeans you became wet as you thought of how far he would go. Suddenly, you felt Duff pulling your jeans off. When he finally got to your underwear, he licked them as they were covering your clit. You moaned as Duff replaced his mouth with his finger and you held your breath as you climaxed. 

Once the drug faded away, you both moved to Duff’s bedroom to cuddle until morning.

**********

On Monday morning, You entered the school with a bright feeling. You couldn’t believe that you spent the whole weekend with Duff.

While in your day dream, the bell rang for the first period. You quickly rushed to your classroom. Once you shut the door and organize your desk, you overheard your students whispering about something.

“Do you remember that weird guy Duff we met last week?” Britney said as another student nodded in agreement.

“Rumor has it that he is really 25 years old. He had a very sad childhood where his parents left him alone with the nanny and she seduced him for years. Now as an adult, he goes around different states pretending to be a high school kid. He does this to get close to his teacher and seduce them. I heard he seduces male teachers too. Then, before he can get caught, he runs off with a student.”

You couldn’t believe what your students were saying about Duff. You now noticed that not only was Duff missing from your class but also your top student Cheryl was absent too. 

You decided to brush off what your students were doing. “Attention students, please continue to work on your Great Gatsby report.” Once your class started working, you took a seat at your desk. As you got settled, you looked out the window and hoped Duff would be caught in his wild ways once and for all.

end

[ladylooch]

Surprises in Seattle - [Liv X Luca]

A/N: The way this took me forever to come up with an idea for... and then I wrote it in an hour and it was suddenly over 2k words... Writing is wild man. WILD! Thank you 🇧🇷 anon for the request. Sorry for how long this took.......... yikes!

Original Request: I would love for a small thing of Liv and Father in law Kev interacting, I think there's has to be funny moments between those two that will leave him laughing wildly and she getting soooo embarrassed!!!! 😂😂😂 - 🇧🇷

Word Count: 2.2k

Have fun tonight, baby. I’m so proud of you 😘

Liv reads off the text quickly while she finishes out the last curl of her hair. Once it’s set, she rips the plug out of the wall and hastily rushes out of the bathroom to grab her purse and jacket.

I wish you were here, babe. Good luck tonight! And be safe

Liv responds as she walks out of her hotel room. She double checks she has what she needs- key, purse, jacket, phone- then let’s the door close softly behind her. 

Tonight is a long anticipated night for Liv. It’s the first day of her second book tour. She’s doing a book signing at the cute, local bookshop across the street. This book tour is so much more chaotic for her because she self-published her second book. After all the issues she had with her previous team not seeing the same vision for the book, Liv quietly walked away from them. Truthfully, they let her go easily, not seeing much of a reason to fight her wishes. Fine with her. She knows what she is capable of. Never again is a board room full of people going to tell her what to do with her art.

She has Ryder to thank for that. Without his fierce belief in her years ago, she wouldn’t be where she is now. She’s thankful now that the past is in the past and they’ve all been able to move forward, especially with Ryder’s recent trade to the Kings. 

Liv’s black heels clack against the tile of the hotel lobby. She makes her way out the door, then falters slightly when she sees the line outside the bookstore. She bites her lip then quickly takes a picture to send to her fiancé. 

Baby, you’re so popular 😏,  he immediately texts back

You better not be texting and driving.

Oops. Love you! 

Liv rolls her eyes at her man’s worst habit. Then with confidence in her step, she crosses the street to the bookstore hosting her event. The crowd sees her step onto the sidewalk and they begin to clap for her. Liv gives them a huge smile, dimples out and proud, along with an enthusiastic wave.

“Thank you all for coming! I can’t wait to meet you!” She calls back to them, then slides into the bookstore. The owner, Lillianne, ushers her to a makeshift curtain room where she can sit in privacy until the event begins.

“Are you still okay with doing the Q&A before the signing?”

“Of course!” Liv confirms. She hopes there aren’t any awkward silences with fans not having anything to ask her. Otherwise, this long anticipated night is going to end quickly.

In another few minutes, the crowd is allowed into the store, bring noise into the normally quiet space. Liv does a few breathing exercises to settle the nervous butterflies fluttering in her stomach. As a writer, she knows this is part of the job, but she still worried that her fans won’t like her. She would never want someone to come away from an interaction with her and be disappointed. 

From behind the curtain, Liv watches as people being to filter into the seating area. She wishes she had someone in the crowd for her today, but this is the only stop on her tour where she won’t be able to meet someone after. She has five more stops after this. Savannah is meeting her in Atlanta, her parents in NYC, Luca in L.A., Mack in Chicago, and Luca’s little sister, Lena, in Phoenix.

But tonight in Seattle, it’s only supposed to be her. 

Yet, when she steps onto the stage, the first person her eyes land on is Kevin Fiala in the front row. Her steps almost falter, but then she waves and continues forward. He cheers excitedly for her appearance and Liv can’t help but grin wider. 

Kevin’s presence helps ground her in confidence as she beings the Q&A. The thoughtfulness of their questions has Liv buzzing with excitement. They wonder about the main characters, her writing style, how this process was different from her first book. There are also questions about what it is like to date a professional athlete, how her and Luca have found a balance with their successful careers and of course, what is in the future.

“I think our biggest focus right now is this book tour for me. Then it’s back to hockeyland before we get married this coming summer.”

“Will you change your name!?” Someone shouts out without the microphone.

“Yeah, I think Livia Fiala has a great ring to it.” She grins. “But I’m not sure if I will change my pen name yet. It’s an ongoing discussion.” 

With that, the Q&A is finished and Liv begins to head off to the signing table, but not before a quick, rushed hug to Kevin.

“You’re here?!” She greets him.

“Wouldn’t miss it.” He smiles. Liv gives him a grateful smile, then heads back behind the table. The next interaction she has with him is cheeky and adorable.

He proudly displays her cover to her in both hands, then taps her name at the bottom.

“Fiala will look much better than this.”

“I’ll be sure to tell my fiancé that. He will appreciate the support.” She chuckles. Kevin slides the book across the table to her. Liv blushes at how sweet it is of him to be here to support her AND buy a book he could easily get for free. “Should I make this out to anyone?”

“Yes, my son, Luca. L-U-C-A.” He jokingly spells out as Liv chomps down on her bottom lip to stop from laughing. She concentrates on the letters of her fiancé’s name. “He’s a huge fan of your work.” Liv’s mind immediately goes to how appreciative of her work Luca was before he took her to the airport this morning. Her giggle escapes and she looks back at Kevin brightly.

“Anything in particular you want me to say to him?”

“Please write: Your dad was my favorite Swiss hockey player growing up.”

“No.” Liv laughs immediately. “My dad would be crushed! And probably my uncle too…”

“Okay, okay.” Kevin concedes. “Hm, what would you want it to say?” He asks, quieter, more reflective. Liv contemplates then tilts down to write: 

I can’t wait to get home to you. I love you! XOXO Livy.

Liv finishes off with a heart after her name, then gently closes the book. She hands it to Kevin.

“He will love that.” He murmurs. “

“I think so.”

“Can I take you to dinner to celebrate?”

“I would really love that. Thank you.” Liv smiles at her future father-in-law. “I think your son would probably love a picture.”

“He would. Otherwise he is gonna think his mom signed this for him.” Liv belly laughs. She stands up next to Kevin, pointing and looking surprised for their selfie as Kevin grins next to her.

“Nice to meet you Ms. Fiala- Uh Meier.” He stutters. “Sorry, Fiala just sounds so natural for you.” Then he saunters away, leaving Liv giggling in his wake. 

Liv continues signing and engaging with fans. From the corner of her eye, she can see people divert to Kevin for a picture or autograph. He tentatively comes over to interrupt and asks if it is okay with her before he signs anything.

“Yes! Go for it!” She assures, but is truly touched that he wants to be sure the attention stays on her. 

Although he engages in some hockey talk, Liv can hear Kevin bring the conversation away from him and back to her work time and time again. He enthusiastically talks about her new book and characters, even speaking about his favorite scene towards the end. Liv is touched that he read it, and also a little embarrassed considering there is a smutty hot tub scene in the middle chapters. Her neck flushes as she thinks about the real life scenario with his son that inspired that. 

It is after 8pm by the time all the fans have been greeted and books signed. Liv reunites with Kevin for dinner. She requests they go to a bar to find the Kings game, knowing it’s a nationally televised game. 

“Luca scored the first goal.” Kevin fills in for her as she squints at the score. The Kings are up on the Flyers 2-1.

“Nice!” Liv murmurs, then drops her eyes to the menu. They both order and watch the game in relative silence, outside a comment or so about the game. It’s comfortable and appreciated after Liv just did so much conversing. Her energy is zapped.

“Did Luca put you up to this?” Liv finally asks after they have finished dinner. 

“No. He doesn’t know I’m here.” Kevin tells her. “But we were talking to him earlier this week and he did mention you were nervous about being here alone.” He takes a sip of water. “Your our daughter, Livy. If any of our kids were worried about something like this, Sam and I would be there to support them. So here I am. If Sam wasn’t sick, she would be here too.” Liv knows that. She bites her lip for a moment, feeling overcome with the emotions of the whole day. 

“Thank you. I’m really lucky.” She murmurs. 

“You also look very tired.”

“Yeah.” She starts to laugh.

Kevin grabs the bill from the waiter and pays it before Liv can get her hands on it.

“No kid of mine pays for dinner either.” He insists when she balks. 

“A lot of rules to being your kid. Somehow more than Timo Meier…” Liv teases. Kevin laughs. 

“You are lucky Emma is your mom. The Hischier in her balances everything out.” Liv nods. This is true.

“Are you leaving early tomorrow?” Liv asks as they step back out onto the street.

“I am here until noon.” 

“Great, then I’ll take you to breakfast before the airport.”

“Sure, but you’re not paying.” Kevin points a scolding finger at her, lowering his eyebrows.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Liv affirms. 

As she snuggles into her hotel bed for the night, she sends a text to Luca seeing if he is home yet. His response is a FaceTime call.

“Hellooooo!” Luca cheers. “Oh! She’s in bed!” He grins. “Is this a sexy FaceTime?”

“No.” She says through a yawn. “I just called to say goodnight. I’m dead. And I have to meet your dad for breakfast tomorrow.”

“My dad?” He questions.

“Yeah, he showed up tonight. Bought a book and everything. Let me send you the picture.” She hears the ding and adores the instant smile when he looks it over on his screen.

“Wow, he’s so cool. I wanna be like him when I grow up.” Luca laughs as he takes something out of the microwave. “Pasta.” He shows her the bowl, then spoons a huge, steaming forkful into his mouth. “Hawt.” He huffs out. Liv can only shake her head. “That’s awesome that he came tho. I didn’t expect that. Was mom with him?”

“No, she is sick.” 

“Oh, damn. I bet that killed her not being able to come. Still cool that dad came alone though.” 

“Your dad called me his kid like all night. This one sweet older man came up to him and complimented him on raising me.” 

“I hope he corrected that.” Luca gives her a knowing look.

“He made sure to tell the man that he was the dad I always deserved but didn’t have growing up.” Luca barks out a laugh.

“You know he is going to text your dad that later.”

“Oh I’m sure he already has.” Liv chuckles. “But yeah, it was really nice. The night.. hearing that… having him show up for me. I feel really lucky to share your family with you.”

“My family loves you, baby. But nowhere near as much as I do.” He says softly. “I’m glad you had a good night. You deserve this success.” Liv lets his words soak into her skin. Before, she would have blushed and brushed that off, but Luca is right. She does deserve this. She’s worked and fought her ass off to get here. 

“Thank you. I miss you though. I wish there weren’t so many days before we see each other again.” She huffs. While Liv is going back to L.A. for the weekend, Luca will be heading out of town on a road trip. 

“I know, baby. I miss you too.” He murmurs, pushing his empty bowl across the counter. They stare at each other and as he always does, Luca knows her thoughts before she can fully think them. “We are okay.” He fills the silent worry she has that distance will stretch them too far again. “Two weeks is nothing for us.” He reminds her. She nods in assurance. 

He is right. Liv bites her bottom lip, then looks up at him with dewy eyes. Luca perks up from his slouch.

“This is a sexy FaceTime!!!!” He yells as he runs out of the kitchen, heading towards their bedroom. 

Liv smirks. 

He’s been so good to her, supportive and unwavering, he deserves a little bedtime show.

[iceformer]

It's 1:40 am but let me cook real quick

Ally Beardsley, the Person, Fundimentally Changed the Fantasy High Universe (an essay)

Fantasty High Freshman Year was supposed to be "dnd meets 80s high school" with the cliques and general vibe. The Interepid Heros grew up in the 80s but now live in the 20th century, so some anachronism were expected.

In later seasons we see the charecters using more crystal tech and making more modern references , the biggest ones I can think of being social media and Sandra Lynn having Life 360 for the Mordred girls

It would be like if they were playing a normal game of High Fantasy DnD where "we haven't invented plumbing yet so there's no toilets" but instead it's payphones and phonebooks

Again, the Intrepid Heores are all at least 90s kids so they would have grown up while technology was still in dial up and computer rooms, but they're also actors/comedians. The brief was "imagine you are all in Magic Breakfast Club Land" and we see them all playing up their tropes (or stereotypes) in Freshman Year (edgy Fig, loner Gorgug, snooty Fabian)

My point this morning is that the concept was Magic Breakfast Club but it evolved into modern Fantasy. Not saying that's a bad thing, I was just thinking about how has the vibe changed so much from the original idea?

And then I remember that in episode 3 of the first season, Ally Beardsley invented PrayerChain. Which could have been some instant messaging system but Emily and Brennan immediately follow it up with making GIFs Canon in this universe.

As a table full of comedians making a show, they cannot help following a bit. That's why the funniest moments of the show come from Ally's anachronistic references.

But I think the big one that changed the concept from 80s movie to modern Fantasy is during "Family in Flames" when everyone's separated, their homes and loved ones in danger, Adaine and Kristen stay behind for one last break in the case,

And Kristen straight up calls and Uber.

That moment was what sent me on this train because in what 80s world are the high school kids calling an Uber or taxi? It's always "the one with the car" or "everyone has a bike" to travel around town. I think from here and with all the anachronistic references that Ally made all season really cemented Solace as Modern Fantasy and not 80s Nostalgia.

I saw some posts on here about how Riz was the Main Charecter of the show because every Villain of the season had some Personal Beef with him.

I think Ally Beardsley, the person, not Kristen Applebees or K2, is the main charecter of the Fantasy High Universe

What's even better about this is that THEY WERENT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. I can't look it up right now cos I'm locked in, but everyone jokes about how Ally had never played DND before the show, I think they were a last minute edition to the cast.

And literally from that one change the show is completely different from what it would have been. Well, it would have been different if any of the Intrepid Heroes were switched out, but I think with Ally in the cast the world of Spyre was turned on its head.

If the Intrepid Heros had pokemon types, Ally was the more Comedian/Actor type at College Humor while everyone else and Brennan were Comedian/Writer/Geek type. Most of Ally's content outside of D20 was Total Forgiveness and that show where they smoked weed (loved it, can't look it up rn)

Compare that to Brennan, who started as an Um Actually writer, Lou and Siobahn, who are Geeks/have been playing DND for a long time, Zac, who i cannot find much Geek content for, and Emily and Murph, who need no introduction (i dunno if NADDPOD started before D20)

The addition of Ally Beardsley to the cast not only drove the show so far away from the concept that most people forget what it was supposed to be, but it did so in a way that made the show so much better than they had even planned for.

This Pride month, I salute Ally Beardsley

🫡

(It took me an hour to write this, good night ya'lll)

[bluebellhairpin]

Thorin Oakenshield X Fem!Reader

Summary; Meeting up with Thorin's Company at Bag End didn't go as smoothly as anyone expected. But as the journey to Erebor begins, eventually everyone settles into a new rhythm of normal - even you and Thorin.

Warnings; Mentions of nightmares/visions of the future. Reader is female-body-coded, uses she/her pronouns, and is Human.

Listening to; 'Noble Maiden Fair' from Brave - "Sun and moon, guide us, to the hour of our glory and honor."

Part 2

Series Masterlist || Masterlist || Ko-Fi

This is a re-write of a old series! If you'd like to read the original, you can find it Here.

Waking up in a strange place, with little to no memory of the events of the day before, had sent you into a panic. 

When things started coming back to you like second nature - your name, places, how to do things and live - you figured, maybe, this wasn’t something to be so worried about. 

Maybe it happened often? 

You wandered a lot, and on your wanderings down in a place called the Brown Lands, you met someone. Not a man - a wizard - Gandalf was his name, somehow you knew it without him even telling you. You trusted him easily, as if you did know him already - something deep inside told you he wasn’t going to hurt you, that he was good - so when he gave you a map to the Shire - to Bag End - after a meal you shared, you took it with a nod. 

The place you needed to go wasn’t far away, a few days of swift travel on horseback and you could be there - but you had no horse - and from what Gandalf said, it would be quite the dangerous journey. Weapons that would’ve been needed were not something you had on hand either. So you stayed in that small town working your arse off in order to have enough favours to pull to get you the resources needed - sturdier clothes, a bigger travel pack, food that could last, a sword, and a horse. 

It took you less than two weeks. 

You picked out a study mountain horse, with a dark coat and lighter colored mane. His owner said his name was Phar Lap. He was perfect. 

You soon found your way over the mountain ranges that lead towards Bree, and by the time you'd made it to Bag End on the night Gandalf said you should be there by, you had already quite a journey and story under your coat to tell. 

You’d tied up your horse, and let yourself into the Hobbit-Hole. The door was left cracked open, and no one answered when you lightly rapped against the window. 

Ducking in and making your way through hall into the atrium outside the dining room, the dwarfs in your eyeline went silent. 

You were relieved to see that everyone Gandalf said would be there had arrived already. The hobbit in front of you followed their gazes and looked over at you, as did the dwarf sitting at the table’s head and Gandalf. The other dwarfs moved to try and see you better.

“And who might you be?” The Hobbit - Bilbo, something in your mind whispered - asked, already irritated from his unexpected guests, but by the dwarfs reaction he guessed you were definitely uninvited, and therefore was even less pleased. 

“I invited her, she shall be our number fifteen.” Gandalf said, taking a blow of his pipe. “She’s here to help.” he added and sat back up. 

“To take back the mountain, Erebor. Gandalf told me much about your journey already, I’m more than willing to help you.” You said. Something about being in this situation had you giddy. Like you’d been waiting much longer than you knew to be able to meet them - and help them. 

“Why might we need your help?” The dwarf at the head said. Thorin, that same voice told you. He quickly ruined your pleasant mood and stood to emphasize his protest - even though he just reached your chin when standing at his full height, he was still making you want to shrink in on yourself. “You aren’t a dwarf, and yet you’re too small, too weak. You’re no Hobbit burglar either. What could you possibly do to help us?” You eyed Thorin, weary, but wondering if he could really be so hostile to a stranger who was offering their help. 

“I know things. I see how events play out in dreams.”

“Oh and what use is that exactly?” 

“You’re asking me that? You willingly have a wizard in your company, and you’re asking me how visions of the future would help you?” You were very quick to bite back at him, to match his hostility. “I wouldn’t have travelled all the way from The Brown Lands to help you if I doubted if the visions were true. Gandalf wouldn’t have told me to come if he thought I was too weak or small.” All eyes then turned to Gandalf, of which was pretending he hadn’t quite heard you.

“I already told you she’s here to help. I’ve spoken, if you wish to ignore me that will be your fault.” He said promptly after seeing too many eyes on him. 

“I don’t mind her coming!” A young blond dwarf said, a smile cracking onto his face as he playfully hit the shoulder beside him - his brother, Kili- on the shoulder. “We could use a pretty face among all the ugly mugs here.” 

You looked over at the two younger dwarves bitterly, as the others erupted in laughter. “I’m well aware I’m the only woman here, but I won’t be reduced down to just a pretty face.” A quiet fell into the group as the laughter died down, your stern eyes receiving nods, and mutterings of ‘fair enough’. 

“I don’t wish to sound like I’m doing what you just asked me not to do,” A dwarf who looked much too young to be among his associates stood, “But I want you to know that I think you are really, really pretty.” You took in a deep breath, and sighed with a smile. 

“Thank you, Ori.” you blurted. You hand even covered your own mouth at the surprise you had for knowing his name. The Company themselves went into an uproar - partially out of annoyance that Ori was the first to tell you his thoughts and get away with it - and partially out of confusion as to how you knew Ori’s name even though you just got here. 

“Who are you?” A rough shove to your arm brought your attention back to - Thorin, “And tell me what else can do you, or do we have to still protect you despite your ‘visions’?”

You told him your name. “I can use a sword well, quick thinking - I can hold my own very well in a fight -”

“Fight? Against what? A measly elf?” You felt your eye twitch. He was frustrating you more and more. If he kept this up, your anger would win over how much you wanted to help them. And you wanted that so dearly. You felt anger bubble inside you, ready to burst, but Gandalf interrupted, ducking his head into the conversation. 

“Not elves, but she has had more than her fair share of orcs. Even a troll or two.” he said as you turned away to regain your composure, missing the flash of knowing hurt and regret on Thorin’s face before he spoke. 

“I didn’t know.” He said. 

“You couldn’t have, you don’t know me.” You replied, giving a small smile to let him know it was alright. For now. 

“So is she coming?” Bilbo asked, popping himself into Thorin and your conversation much like the wizard did. “Because I would feel more comfortable coming if there was someone who knows what’s going to happen coming along.” He finished. Thorin took a few more moments to think, looking you up and down as he did so. 

“I suppose so. The worst she can do is die.” And just like that, the anger was back. 

“I can see how grateful you are to my offer of help, Thorin. I shall take my leave instead of staying around and helping the likes of you.” you said and made your way back out of Bilbo’s house and into the crisp night air. Bilbo himself came after you, almost pleading with you to stay a join anyway, or make everyone else leave with you.

“You will need to go after her, Thorin.” Gandalf said, peering down at the dwarf. “You have to bring her back here.” 

“Why should I? She’ll be nothing but trouble, even if she can hold her own in battles.” Thorin said, his stubborn irrationality kicking in again. He just couldn’t see why he needed you. 

“You yourself noted she was neither Hobbit or Dwarf. What business do I have inviting an ordinary human on this journey?” With Gandalf’s question Thorin seemed to slowly understand. “To tell you the truth, unknown to herself, she is not of this world. She was sent from another specifically to help you reclaim Erebor, to keep those close to you safe until then with her visions - memories.” 

Gandalf took a puff of his pipe, and Thorin blinked, letting the words sink in.  

“She’s suffered quite enough at the hands of this world’s darker forces to be able to be here tonight, if that alone isn’t enough reason to let her stay with you then you have a denser skull than I remembered.” Gandalf had a point. Thorin was being unreasonably mean. Even when his own kin were unwilling to help, you were here. 

Thorin looked over at Balin, who was sitting and listening intently to Gandalf's words. He nodded at Thorin to go after you. Thorin clenched his jaw, let out a yell of frustration, then stormed out. He reached past the front door, pushed past Bilbo, and stomped angrily towards where you went.

A call of your name had you turning on your heel. 

“Wait.” Your eyes almost flashed in the darkness under the fur of your hood, daring Thorin to insult you again, but instead they widened at his changed declaration. “You will come with us as Gandalf is advising, and… I’ll try to act more agreeable towards you.”

He couldn’t meet your eyes as he spoke, though. Instead taking a great interest in the hem of your coat. 

“You mean less like a jerk, and more like a king?” your head tilted, trying not to let a smirk reach your lips - though somehow you thought he wouldn’t have seen your expression anyway. 

“I suppose so.” Thorin said through gritted teeth. “Especially if you decide to be nice in turn.” 

“I’m only nice to those who give me reason, your majesty.” you mocked. Thorin felt his frustration rise once more. He sensed you’d be the death of him  - of he of you - if you both kept this up. You smirk widened - although there was no joy behind it - as you started walking past him. “Careful there, you might turn ‘unagreeable’ again.” 

“If you want to keep vexing me, I’ll-”

“You’ll what?” you turned, facing the equally angry dwarf, of which was now eye-level to you from the hills slope. “You’ll let - no - force  me to leave and let your fate, and the fate of the rest of the Company reach the same end that I’ve seen? Trust me - you don’t want what’s coming.” Your voice was quiet, eyes even darker in the night. You watched as his jaw ticked, nose flaring in an effort to keep himself under control. “You do not want more dragon-fire. More lives slain at the hands of orcs. I’ve seen death, blood shed. I see it each and every night when I sleep, Thorin.” 

“Well, what choice do you give me now?” Your eyes locked in a fierce hold. Your words hurt Thorin. Gandalf said you were here to help and keep those of the Company safe - you knew their future. If you were saying these things, saying you were to help keep them away from such a horrible fate - one he’d seen bestowed upon many before him - who was he to keep you away?

That alone made him more lenient. You must’ve seen it in his eyes. 

“Fine.” You said with a huff. “You may be a king but that doesn’t mean you can be pardoned for acting so horrendously. Even so I will strike a deal with you.” 

“Like what?” 

“We try not to speak to each other, not to be near each other. Try to stay as far away from each other as possible so we don’t have to fake being civil.” You started, meeting Thorin’s blue eyes once more. They almost looked like they were glowing in the moonlight.” I think I’d be able to bear you much more if I didn't have to speak to you so often.” 

“I’d have to agree.” He rumbled. 

“We have a deal then?” you asked, sticking your hand out for him to shake. He grabbed hold of your hand, holding it a little too tight.

“Deal.”

Days passed, slowly turning into weeks, and for what it’s worth your plan had worked. Mostly. 

You could easily assume Thorin’s temper flared against you just as often as it would’ve if you hadn’t agreed on a deal at all. Honestly yours did too - but only ever to meet his. You tried your best to be civil. But banter turned to bickering, and bickering - when given the chance - would turn to arguments. Tension was building, and often you didn’t know what kind it was exactly. 

The Company had stopped for the night to rest under a rocky crevice. Thorin was set to start on the first watch with Fili and Kili before you took over with Dwalin and Ori. You decided to stay up with them. Balin often told stories, and the story Balin would tell tonight would be one you decided not to miss. 

Tonight was the story of how Thorin gained the name Oakenshield. Balin told it very well. He often had you enraptured with his decade of tales - you soaked them up like a sponge. Instead of staring at the storyteller to take in every word, you watched Thorin, as everyone did, and found yourself standing with the rest of the company out of respect for your leader and king. 

You knew orcs, they'd caused you pain, physical and emotional. Fighting one was enough for you, but an army would take being possessed by the spirits of a thousand warriors. They'd left scars on you - also physical and emotional - and too those wouldn't go away. 

You’d always respect Thorin for what he went through, what he did - even if he chose to act like a jerk to you. 

With the story told, the night lulled. Dwarves curled up to snore each other to sleep, and you rolled up in your blanket to sleep.

Trees framed your dream. 

They peeled back, revealing where you were resting. You knew there were other vantage points where you could see your camp from, you didn’t know how you got there though. 

You moved further back, and beside you were wild, vicious beasts. Wargs. Atop them were Orcs. Their eyes flashed in the dark, speaking in tongues you didn’t understand. They turned away, seething, but pleased.

You shot up, reaching a hand for your aching head. Now awake, you took your eyes over a turn of the group. Everyone was here. The bile that rose in your mouth quickly went away. 

You were safe, for now. 

You looked back at Gandalf, of which had sensed your dream and was keeping a keen eye on you as you woke. Your face had gotten dull, he was worried, but he’d come to understand that some things couldn't be shared.

“My my, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Bofur said from a way across the camp. Unlike Gandalf, the Company didn’t yet fully understand the lengths of your visions. You often had to make up reasons as to why you suddenly looked so shocked, or somber. 

“It’s nothing. Just a bad dream.” 

“Must’ve been something pretty scary. Perhaps you could spin a tale of sorts?” Bofur prodded, some of the other Company soon turned to face you. Apparently less of them were sleeping than you thought. 

“No. No, I’m no good at telling stories.” 

“What about a song? It doesn’t have to be a scary one.” Bofur took a puff of his pipe, smugly pushing his agenda. “We haven’t heard a single tale from you yet, I think it’s about time if I do say so myself.” 

“Maybe another time, Bofur.” He looked at you, watching as you shoved your hands under your blankets, folding your knees to your chest. He seemed to take the hint, and left you alone, instead now humming a tune of his own.

Thorin looked over to watch you as you settled down again. He’d never seen you wake from a vision before. He never realized exactly what they did to you. 

He kept looking between you and the fire to try and make it look like he wasn’t staring. After your waking, it was almost as if he saw you in a new light. Like one switch of many was suddenly turned on inside his mind which enabled him to really see you. 

Sure, he’d seen you before, but only superficially, not like this. 

This was deeper. 

It suddenly occurred to him that - even if you didn’t know it - you had a life back where you came from. A family, friends, maybe even a lover or children. You’d been through hell to get to Bilbo’s that night you first met, only for him to treat you like you were nothing. 

Now, he felt pretty bad about it, regretted it even, and felt the strange need to make it up to you.

The problem was he didn’t really know how. 

He didn’t know what you liked. Mahal by his pride he wasn’t going to apologize - and he figured from your character you wouldn’t think it meant a whole lot anyway. 

He thought about getting you something Dwarrowdam’s liked, pick something up for you on your travels as a gift - but you weren’t a dwarf. The chances of you liking what he’d find you were slim. He then seemed to be hit with an epiphany. Even if you didn’t know where it was, you wanted to go home - a place you’d be sent back to once your purpose was fulfilled. 

You wanted the same as him, to return home. He’d help you fulfil your purpose. He’d help you to go home, and be with those who you’d want to be with the most. 

You’d forgive him after that. Surely. Even without an apology.

[intheticklecloset]

Redeemed (Junjou Romantica)

Summary: After a fight, Usagi is overly apologetic and Misaki is beginning to feel guilty. But then Usagi gives him a coupon book for personal favors, and he gets an idea...

A/N: This is a fic I wrote for the one and only @otomiya-tickles several months ago. It was originally going to be part of the 12 Days of Ficmas last year, but when that didn't happen I decided to write it just as a special gift. I've finally decided to share it with the rest of you as well. (This was also the first fic I wrote after...certain events.) Hope you enjoy. <3

Word Count: 2,642

~~~

This coupon book was ridiculous, but it had been given to him with good intentions and a sincere apology behind it, so Misaki sighed resignedly and flipped open to the first ticket, beginning to read.

One free massage. One day without interruption. Wow, really? One fancy dinner of choice. One shopping trip. One…

The list went on and on, each page more intriguing and confusing than the last. Misaki felt his heart warming. He appreciated that Usagi seemed genuinely remorseful for what he’d done the other night – forcing himself on him so much the younger boy cried for an hour straight, feeling violated and unsafe in their shared home – but this almost felt…too much.

Then he flipped to the last five pages of the small coupon book, wrinkling his brow when he saw that they were blank. It took him a few moments to notice the small text at the bottom of the page:

Write-in. Whatever you want, I’ll do it for you, Misaki. I love you.

Misaki’s heart officially melted.

It was almost too bad that Usagi was out of the apartment right now. He felt as though he could go to the man this instant, wrap him in a hug, whisper that he’d been forgiven. Really, he’d been forgiven before the coupon book was even handed to him – his partner’s profuse apologies upon seeing his tears had been enough, even if they hadn’t felt enough in the moment. But now he felt their roles had been reversed, that he needed to go and comfort his boyfriend this time.

Well, he could cook them a nice dinner and they could have that conversation later. For now, Misaki put the coupon book back in his pocket and flopped sideways on the couch, curling up comfortably, mind swimming with possibilities.

Of course he would use the write-in space – it was too good to pass up. But what could he ask for that hadn’t already been offered to him in a different coupon? He could always ask for another full day of no interruptions if he wanted. That was truly beneficial to him on several levels and appealed to him the most out of everything he saw. An opportunity to get his work done without being snatched away for a spontaneous makeout session or tickling? That would be amazing.

Wait.

Misaki’s eyes flew wide open. No. No way. I get enough of that already – I can’t ask him to—

But he was already searching for a pen, heart hammering in his chest.

After all the apologies and all the thoughtful coupons, truly, this was the least he could do to meet Usagi halfway. Pen now in hand, he clicked it open and shakily began to write in his first request.

*

The door to their apartment clicked open. Misaki glanced up from where he was making dinner at the stove and smiled shyly. “Welcome back.”

Usagi hung up his coat and removed his gloves, maintaining uncertain eye contact with him the entire time. “Thank you.”

Things hadn’t felt this awkward between them in a long time, and Misaki was determined not to let it last. “Did you have a good day?”

“I did.” The older man approached the kitchen cautiously, like he was afraid of spooking his partner. “Did you?”

Misaki smiled genuinely then, remembering the coupons, thinking of the one in his pocket he intended to hand his boyfriend after dinner. “Yes.”

Usagi nodded. “Good.”

There was a beat of silence, then the younger man couldn’t help but chuckle a little. “Aren’t you going to kiss me hello?”

Usagi blinked, then seemed to relax, sauntering around the counter to meet him and pull him gently into his arms, kissing his lips tenderly, with none of the harsh determination he usually exhibited. “Hello, my love.”

“Mmn.” Misaki groaned, pulling away when he heard the contents of his pot about to boil over. “All right, that’s enough. Go sit down; I’ll bring you a plate.”

The older man opened his mouth – probably to protest that he could do it himself – then seemed to think better of it and did as he was told for a change. Misaki smiled to himself, turning off the burner and stirring up the last of their dinner before reaching for two plates out of the cupboards overhead. Usagi was kind of cute when he was being docile, though he knew that once that coupon was out of his pocket and in his boyfriend’s hands, that would end quickly.

Dinner was uneventful, if a bit strained on Usagi’s part. Clearly he was still feeling badly for how he’d behaved before; his conversations were empty of their usual teasing cadence and flirting comments. He was polite, interested, and tame.

Misaki couldn’t wait to get him back on track.

When they’d finished eating, Misaki glanced at the clock. Half an hour, he decided. That’s what they say for swimming, right? I’ll wait half an hour and then give him the coupon.

In the meantime they migrated to the living room after putting the leftovers away for tomorrow. Usagi seemed relieved when his boyfriend sat beside him on the sofa, cuddling into his side like he did when he wanted comfort or affection.

“How did you like your coupons?” Usagi asked him after a while, voice soft.

Misaki tensed at first – thinking of the one in his pocket – then remembered that wasn’t one of those that Usagi offered and relaxed again, humming contentedly. “They were really thoughtful. I appreciate it, Usagi-san.”

“Any that caught your eye?”

“One day without interruption?” Misaki said, voice teasing. “Can you really do that?”

“For you, I can do anything.”

At this, the younger boy lifted his head and looked at his boyfriend, surprised to see how serious Usagi was about this. He felt himself melt again, though this time it came with a pang of guilt. He was definitely feeling too badly about what had happened for too long. He glanced at the clock. Forget the half hour – he had to do this now.

Misaki shifted, throwing a leg over Usagi’s lap. The older man looked surprised in the split second it took the brunette to lean down and kiss him. After a long moment strong hands wrapped around him, pulling him closer, holding him almost reverently.

“I’m sorry, Misaki,” he murmured for what felt like the hundredth time since that night a few days ago. “I know I can be pushy, but I never meant to hurt you—”

“I forgive you, Usagi-san,” Misaki whispered into another kiss, reaching into his back pocket. “In fact, I’d…I’d like to redeem one of those coupons now, if I can.”

Usagi pulled back, eyes darting to the paper in his boyfriend’s hands. “Of course. Whatever you want, my love. My Misaki.”

Misaki whimpered at the endearment, blushing as he held out the coupon. Usagi took it and angled it until he could read it.

“Oh, one of the write-ins?” he mused, then fully took in what the words said and what they meant. He blinked. He glanced at his partner. “Oh?”

“Don’t ‘oh’ me!” Misaki protested, shoving at his chest lightly, feeling heat rising in his cheeks.

“Are you trying to tell me something?”

“N-No! I mean…” The brunette hesitated, certain he wouldn’t even be allowed an explanation before he was attacked, but surprisingly, Usagi was sitting there patiently, watching him, waiting for him to speak. Misaki whimpered again, averting his eyes. “I don’t…don’t entirely hate it, you know? Just…maybe we can have a safe word this time?”

Usagi’s curious look gradually shifted into a sly grin that made Misaki’s heart race. He tossed the coupon aside and pulled him in closer, earning a squeak in response. “What word would that be, my little tickle toy?”

That did it. Misaki covered his face with both hands and flopped into Usagi’s chest, groaning. “Don’t call me that! It’s embarrassing!”

“Answer me, Misaki.”

He whined. “I-I don’t know…why not the same one we use in the bedroom?”

“Because I want a different one for this.”

Of course he did! “Fine! You pick one, then.”

At this, Usagi gripped his waist tightly and got to his feet, hoisting him over his shoulder and beginning to trek upstairs. “You’re the one who will be laughing himself silly. You decide.”

Misaki’s eyes widened. He knew – he knew they’d be doing this now, but still! He gripped Usagi’s sweater and yelped, “W-Wait!”

“You wrote it,” the older man said matter-of-factly, swinging their bedroom door shut behind them, plunging them into darkness without bothering to turn on the light. “You wanted this.” He tossed Misaki onto the bed, making the smaller boy squeal and start giggling already even though he hadn’t been touched yet. Usagi loomed over him, and the brunette could tell he was smirking even though he couldn’t see him perfectly. “Choose a safe word, Misaki.”

“P-Purple,” Misaki stammered, not at all sure why that was the only word that came to mind in the heat of this moment. He shrank back on the bed, arms glued to his sides preemptively.

Usagi chuckled. “Purple it is.”

“Eeek!” Misaki cried when his boyfriend pried his legs open to sit between them, leaving his thighs vulnerable to the first tickles, which came swiftly once their word had been established. “Ehehehehehe wahahahahahait! Wait, I d-dihihihihidn’t have tihihihime to gehehehehet reheheheheady!”

“Did you need time?” Usagi teased, amused by his partner’s weak attempts to swat at his hands. “Would it really have helped you?”

“Shuhuhuhuhuhut up!”

“So, tell me, my love. What inspired you to use one of your write-in coupons for this?”

Misaki desperately wanted to cover his face despite it already being dark in here. “I tohohohold you alreheheheheady!”

“Explain it to me again.”

“Jeheheheheherk!” Misaki whined, bucking his hips with a near scream when Usagi moved up to pinch his hipbones in warning. “Okahahahahay, okay! I l-lihihihihike it, kihihihihind of! A lihihihihittle bit!”

Usagi hummed. “Like it how?”

It took a moment for the younger man to process what the question meant in his ticklish haze, though thankfully his partner had moved up to his sides instead of his death spot. “Nohohohohot like thahahahat, you pehehehervert! Just for fuhuhuhuhuhun!”

“All right,” Usagi chuckled, shoving his hands under Misaki’s clothes to get to the bare skin beneath. “But don’t think that means I won’t try this in the bedroom, too. Just to experiment.”

Misaki couldn’t even bring himself to protest or fight back; he was too lost to his giggles already. It had only been a few days, but he didn’t realize until now how much he’d desperately missed Usagi being on top of him, making him squirm and let out involuntary noises that embarrassed him beyond belief.

And really, after how tense and awkward things had been between them since that night, seeing the outline of his boyfriend’s happy grin made all of this worth it.

“Tickle, tickle, tickle,” Usagi teased, fingers scribbling and scratching at his sides and tummy. “Look at you squirm, Misaki~ Does it tickle here? What about here?” He darted up to his underarms without warning, earning a loud shriek and even harder giggles, legs kicking the air but doing him no good with the way they were positioned. “I’ve missed your laugh, my love. It’s been a while since I’ve tickled you, hasn’t it? Were you missing it, Misaki?”

“Stahahahahahahap!” Misaki pleaded, tossing his body this way and that, going nowhere fast and feeling a little thrill from the knowledge. “Quit teheheheheheasing me!”

Usagi leaned down to bite his earlobe playfully, fingers digging harder into his armpits while his body pinned the smaller boy to the bed so he could hardly move at all. “Never.”

“Ahahahahahahahaha! Usahahahahahagi-sahahahahahan!” Misaki cackled, throwing his head back with waves of mirth, the reality of his situation sinking in more and more the longer he felt those strong, singing, unbearable sensations wrack his body. “Plehehehehehehease!”

“Please what? Use your words.”

“Jeheheheherk! It tihihihihihihickles! Please, it tihihihickles so bahahahahad!”

“Does it?~”

“Mohohohohove somewhere ehehehehehelse!” Misaki begged, frantically trying to dislodge his boyfriend’s fingers from his underarms. “Plehehehehease, new spohohohohohot!”

“Oh? Would you prefer if I tickled you…here?” Usagi’s fingers moved down to his ribs, pressing and digging into each one, clawing and raking and drilling in rapid succession that left Misaki near breathless with hysterical giggling. “You do seem to like it here, don’t you, tickle toy?”

Misaki cursed, surprising and pleasing Usagi immensely. “Stahahahahahap with that crahahahap! Don’t call me thahahahahahat!”

“Tickle toy,” Usagi chuckled darkly, still pinning him in place with his body. “You just want to laugh so loud for me, don’t you? Laugh and squirm and kick and beg me to stop? Hmm, tickle toy?”

Misaki dissolved into silent laughter at the incessant teasing, shaking his head, mirthful tears springing to his eyes. “Plehehehehehease!” he wheezed, barely able to catch his breath. “Dohohohohon’t!”

Usagi seemed to sense he needed a moment, so he sat back up and slowed his tickling to a light tracing along his body, up and down his chest, digging in randomly just to watch the brunette jolt and giggle helplessly.

“You’re mehehehean, Usagi-sahahan.”

“I rather think you like it.” The older man went back down to his thighs, pinching in tandem with his teasing intonation of, “Mi-sa-ki.”

Misaki tossed his head back, spewing even more giggles, wiping a tear from his cheek. “Mehehehean.”

Usagi grinned at him, gently pushing his legs down flat on the mattress so he could straddle them, unbuttoning his boyfriend’s jeans. “Relax,” he said when he got a wide-eyed, horrified look from the younger man. “I’m not doing anything like that. Just getting easier access.”

Misaki’s eyes only went wider at that comment. He smiled wobbily, knowing full well what was coming next. “Wait!”

“Nope.”

“But it tickles so bad—!”

“I know.”

“No! Wahahahahahait!” Misaki squealed, then screamed full-on when Usagi’s thumbs pressed into those super sensitive spots along his hips where they met his thighs. He arched his back and yelled his ticklish agony into the air, and not for the first time he wished he had a way to cover himself up, this time to muffle what had to sound like him being murdered horrifically. “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOHOHOHOHOHOHO!! NOT THAHAHAHAHAHAHAT, USAGI-SAHAHAHAHAHAN!!”

“But I love hearing you scream and laugh like this,” Usagi replied reasonably, drilling his thumbs in deep, adoring the way Misaki’s body thrashed beneath him at the simple touch, shrieks and curses and loud, desperate laughter filling the air around them.

“STOPSTOPSTOHOHOHOHOHOHOP IT PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE!! PLEASE USAGI-SAHAHAHAHAHAN!! NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

Usagi chuckled, shifting just slightly downward toward the ultimate prize, smirking when Misaki’s laughter when silent a second time, wheezes and gasps for breath replacing the ear-piercing noises he’d been letting out moments before. He didn’t stay there long, thankfully, lightening his touch and scribbling gently over his belly, swirling into his navel a few times as Misaki panted for air, his giggles having turned whiny and exhausted.

“Purple?” the older man asked, checking in. It was clear he was trying not to go too far again, and for that reason alone, Misaki felt like he could withstand a little more, his love for his partner swelling up inside him twice as much as usual.

“No,” he replied breathlessly, even going so far as to pull his own shirt up further, exposing more of his bare torso for Usagi to tickle. “Not yet.”

Usagi looked both elated and touched. He leaned over him again, kissing him so hard Misaki saw stars. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Misaki replied just before being sent back into a world of ticklish bliss, giggling and squirming uselessly on their shared mattress, loving the feeling of Usagi’s hands on him, making him melt, making him submit as he always did.

It was good to have him back.

[aintgonnatakethis]

9 people you want to know better tag game

Thank you @bagheerita for the tag! ❤️️ Template is at the bottom below the cut.

Three ships: Young/Telford/Rush from SGU. I won't, but I could include other combinations of them and totally cheat this question - these three are the characters that just click with you, that will stick with you for your entire life.

John/Scorpius from Farscape. Me as a wide-eyed 7 year old watching a torturer clad in a leather suit come on screen: 😮😮😮

Sheppard/Todd from SGA. It's not always monsterfucking with them, but when it is... Oh boy! 👀

First ship: Third Doctor/Delgado Master from classic Doctor Who. My mum was involved in the convention scene back then so I grew up surrounded by it and we had a massive wall of every story that had been released on DVD. I hope they all made the move with us. I remember being a young kid and her bringing down a boxset with the faces of the first 7 Doctors; I'd point to one of them and she'd pick us an episode of theirs for us to watch. (Simpler times but not really)

Last song: Currently listening to Hell As Well by We Three, a band I found through @frostysfrenzy. My best songs playlist has 140 songs if you want to know my music taste without being overwhelmed.

Last movie: The Road. I saw a meme that had been made for it on here and remembered it being an excellent book, so gave it a shot. It was better in book form unfortunately. I remember it was the first time I'd seen the sentence structure of 'this happened and this happened and this happened' outside of "bad" or "childish" writing. How it was used to successfully show someone's declining mental and physical state has stuck with me.

Currently watching: Rewatching Being Human (US version) and Firefly. Trying not to let unpleasant people being involved (Mark Pellegrino and Joss Whedon respectively) ruin things I've long-term loved. So I'll engage as long as I'm not providing them financial/social/political influence to harm others. Yes, I am looking at people who still pay for Harry Potter merch.

Currently reading: Here, have a google drive full of SG1 and SGA books. I can't remember which blog linked it originally, but I'm on book 6 of the SGA Legacy series, which is basically the plot of season 6 if they'd been renewed. (Though I do side-eye some things in there, like Sheppard instantly getting together with Teyla and there being a hint to Keller being abusive in her relationship with Rodney. I don't think they would have done the former on TV as even though Teyla isn't military she's still under Sheppard's command so it would reflect poorly on the real life US military - which is the only reason O'Neill and Carter didn't get together properly, if I'm remembering right? The latter... I've seen too much of Keller bashing in fandom. I don't need it in my "official" content too.)

Currently eating: I just finished some garlic and chilly chicken drumsticks and rice. I've been eating good since my boyfriend got into cooking. 😁

Currently craving: Hmm... I think I'm good. Full of food and an extra of my ADHD meds because I'm running on night-mode currently, meaning I'd be going to bed around 6-7am except I need a doctor's appointment so I'm gonna have to stay up and tough it out. Took it at 11pm so should have worn off enough for me to sleep after my appointment. (While the able-to-focus effect only last 8 hours, the you-will-stay-awake part persists for 12. 🙄)

Tagging: @frostysfrenzy @autism-purgatory @froggy-pposto @paeliae-occasionally @the-golden-comet

@dream-i-die @gioiaalbanoart @wyked-ao3 @worlds-tallest-fairy @chaniis-atlantis

Template:

Three ships: 

First ship:

Last song: 

Last movie: 

Currently watching: 

Currently reading: 

Currently eating: 

Currently craving:

[icecream-and-gadreel]

Still Got it

Summary: Dean wants to prove that he's still got it, even after a particularly damaging hunt. 

Pairing: middle-aged!DeanxMiddle-aged!reader

Rating: Mature

Warnings: language, blood mention, lightly attempted sexy times, mention of violence

Word count: 900+

A/N: I was laying here thinking "Man, when's the last time I wrote some Deanxreader?" As an original Dean girl turned Gaddy girl, I had to write my wrongs. Here's the song I used in the fic. Enjoy!

Eternity squad: @mrswhozeewhatsis @sheinthatfandom

There's something so special about the sweet, sweet embrace of a bed after a long day. Warm blankets, soft pillowy surface, and –

“Fuck!” you wheeze as your stomach collides with the bed. You turn on your back, biting back a scream before turning onto your side. No relief. No goddamn relief no matter which way you turn. The one good and true constant, that being the comfort of your bed, is ruined because you just HAD to get thrown against a brick wall tonight. You remain stone in your place as the door to your motel opens, listening to the new thump-drag rhythm of Dean's walk. Honestly, it's a wonder his ankle didn't break during his reckless pursuit of the fiend that took a chunk out of your stomach. "So," you begin, grazing your fingers over the floss keeping your stomach wound shut, “That sucked,” you grumble against the pillow. Dean grunts in return, and you look up, watching as he fiddles with the TV.

“I hurt in places that I forgot existed,” he says as he flips through the channels.

“Lay down with me,” you coo, wincing as he turns to you. It's hard to say who got the worst of it. Yes, you're fucked up in your own right, but seeing just how messed up your boyfriend's face is makes your blood boil.

“What?” he asks, gesturing to himself. “Can't stand my ugly face?"

"Not ugly just...bloody," you say, clenching your teeth. 

“So I'm still hot?” he asks. You cock an eyebrow, slowly turning onto your back.

“They'd have to hack your face off with a cleaver to ruin that handsome mug,” you say, closing your eyes.

“Your horrifying compliments always get me goin',” he says, wiggling his eyebrows. He flips through a few more channels before finally landing on a channel playing old music. “You know what? Prove it.”

“Huh?” You cock an eyebrow, watching as he slowly begins rocking back and forth. He unbuttons his pants, swaying his hips as he pulls them down his thighs. When he bends a bit too far, he lets out a pained wheeze, quickly kicking out of his pants.

“Show me just how hot I am,” he says through clenched teeth. You stifle your laughter as he slowly raises back to his full height with your eyes trained on his muscle-clad legs. Even after getting flung around like a rag doll, the man is gorgeous.

C'mon and hold me

Just like you told me 

You watch as Dean shimmies his shoulders, rolling your eyes as he passes you. He limps every step of the way, a hint of a wince crossing his face every time he puts weight on his foot. 

Then show me

What I want to know

Sucking in a deep breath, you lean up on wobbling arms, trying to hide your pained groan with a giggle. Your back throbs rhythmically, a gentle reminder of your bout with that damn vamp only hours ago. As Dean pulls his top off, you come back to the moment. You whistle, clapping your hands as he twirls the shirt over his head. “Wooo shake it!” you howl, gaining a wide grin from your boyfriend. He begins crawling up the bed, wincing as he rests an arm by the side of your head. Long scrapes coat his arms, different shades of purple and blue lining them “Come here baby,” you say, voice a near whisper.

Why don't we steal away

Why don't we steal away

Into the night

He begins slowly lowering down, the fatigue in his arms taking away any chance of him holding his own weight. In a split second, he's collapsing on you. The screams and groans coming from you both are sure to get neighbors complaining. Quickly, you push him off of you, and he rolls to the side, curling into himself with a stifled groan.

“I'm startin' to think I lost my mojo,” he says, chuckling breathlessly.

“Or we're getting too old to keep having our asses kicked,” you retort, gaining a look of faux shock in return.

“I'm aging just as good as Baby,” he grumbles, turning to you and pressing a kiss against your lips. He jerks his head away from you with a hiss, holding a hand over his split lip. “Almost as good," he adds in a whisper. 

“We just gotta buff out the dents,” you say, hand grazing over his cheek.

“You can't get enough of insulting the love of your life, can you?” he grumbles. Though you try, you can't stop the laughter from coming. He smiles in return, scooting closer to you with a huff. "Maybe I'll let Sammy go solo next time --" He buries his head in the crook of your shoulder -- "He's still young and spry," he adds groggily. 

"Hate to break it to you, but those luscious locks are starting to grey out," you say, rubbing a hand over Dean's shoulder. "So, maybe we all slow down a bit. Let the youngins do the leg work," you say. After a few moments of silence, you look down, a content smile spreading across your face. Dean's breathing slows, his body slumping against yours as sleep overtakes him. Though the weight of him on your shoulder makes your muscles scream for relief, you decide not to move him. 

[the-cult-of-russo]

Just Beneath The Flames (Part 16)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Warnings: cursing, smut at some point probably lmao, zombie shit, typical canon violence. You know the drill.

A/N: Alright guys, this is the last chapter. 

I’ll admit that I wasn’t planning on ending this story so soon and I feel pretty guilty, especially ending it without much warning. I know I’ll feel worse if I just leave it unfinished though. I’ve already got so many unfinished multi chapter fics that I haven’t gotten to finishing and people are always asking for updates. I know this way, I’ve at least wrapped it up a little so it’s not too bad. There’s always potential for me to come back to this story and add to it if I feel like it or if anyone had any ideas they wanted to throw at me to add in here. 

I’m feeling a little burnt out with it if I’m honest. This story has been so fun to write and I’ve loved seeing so many of you love reading it, but for some reason, now my brain is having a really hard time with it. I have other stories I’ve started that have been itching at me so I figured it was best if I finish it off instead of forcing myself to continue and churn out shitty content. 

The point of this rambling is to say that while this may be the ‘last’ chapter, I may go back to it at some point and do more so it’s not like 100% finished. And as I said, I’m welcome to ideas for it. 

—-----------------

Day Fourteen

Your hand came up to stifle a yawn and you blinked tiredly as you walked beside Billy.

“If we go this way, we can get to the highway. It's worth a look,” he mused, looking over the map in his hands before he glanced over to you.

“Sounds good to me,” you smiled tiredly, rubbing your eyes a little. His concerned gaze swept over your face before he folded up the map, shoving it into his jacket pocket and wrapping an arm around your shoulder. Billy had decided to head to the highway instead of the original route planned, hopefully to find a car. You’d made it into Virginia now but it was a big place and you were still a while away. On foot, the journey would take you another few days but if you managed to find a car, you could cut it to just a few hours instead. You were pretty sure he’d decided on the new plan after seeing you shuffle around like one of the dead. It had only been two days since you left the cabin but traveling from sun up to sun down was really taking it out of you. You longed for the respite and safety of the tiny cabin. You missed sleeping beside him like that instead of the shifts taking watch like you had to do now, neither of you getting a full night sleep. It took almost an hour to get to the highway and it was very reminiscent of the one back by the old cabin. This one was smaller though and was slightly less jam-packed, a few of the dead stumbling around the derelict cars as they groaned.

“I've got them, you try the cars,” you murmured, giving Billy a wry smile before you headed off over to the roamers. You made quick work of them before you came back over to where Billy was trying to hotwire a car. If last time was anything to go by, you’d probably turn up with nothing. The cars weren't exactly in the best condition with the state they’d been left in and you had no idea if any of them still had gas left. You stood guard as Billy tried car after car, your knife poised and ready as you took care of any threats that came ambling your way so he could focus. The sound of an engine starting made your head whirl over to him as he sat up, climbing out of the car with a delighted laugh.

“Fuckin’ told you I’d do it,” he smirked as you walked over.

“Mhm, didn’t doubt you for a second,” you replied impishly and he snorted, leaning in to press a sweet kiss to your lips. It was something you were still trying to get used to yet it also felt like you’d done it a million times before. 

“Come on,” he smiled down at you, pulling you over to the car. You slid into the passenger seat, your tired feet glad for the rest as he got into the driver’s side.

Your whole journey had been leading up to this moment, to finally see what awaited you at the safe house. You’d known what was at stake the entire time yet it felt far more real now as Billy drove there. You had no idea what you’d find. Maybe there wouldn't be anyone there at all or maybe the only person there was the person whose safe house it was. Or maybe some of the group would be there, others not making it. What if something happened to Sarah and the baby? What if something happened to the kids? The spike of anxiety hit you like a truck as you glared out of the window, trying to control your breathing. You weren’t even aware your leg was bobbing up and down restlessly until Billy’s hand reached over and stilled it. When you turned to him, he shot you a reassuring smile but you could see his own anxiety shining behind his dark eyes. Everything you were feeling, you knew he must be feeling tenfold. You’d grown to care for these people like family, but they were Billy’s family way before they were yours. You mustered your best smile for him, not wanting him to fuss over you when he must be feeling so much worse than you. The smile seemed to work as he seemed a little more relaxed before he turned back to the road. 

“Hope they’ve got dinner goin’, I’m fuckin’ hungry,” he remarked ruefully and you knew he was trying to keep things light. Not wanting to touch on all the other scenarios that could happen when you got there.

“I did offer you some soup this morning,” you shrugged, giving him an amused look.

“Yeah, yeah,” he huffed playfully. You weren’t stupid though. He hadn’t eaten this morning and you knew he was anxious about all of this. You’d barely been able to eat yourself but you’d forced some soup down you because you knew you needed the energy. 

“Why don’t you get some sleep?” he asked, giving you a soft look and you shook your head.

“Nah, I’m good,” you answered with a smile. You weren’t tired enough to sleep with your thoughts running so rampant and you didn’t want to leave Billy in silence on the drive there for a few hours. You knew nothing good would come of it. You tried to keep the drive light with conversion to keep both of your minds from wandering. You spoke about anything and everything. From stories from your time as a vet, to family stories that were more fun and lighthearted. Billy seemed content to listen and reply rather than tell any of his own tales but you had a feeling that most of his good memories were linked to the people you were trying to find so you didn’t mind him just listening to you. It was easy to talk to him and time seemed to fly by as he drove and before long, he was pulling down a dirt road through some trees. 

“Should be at the end of this road,” he mused softly and you nodded, your whole body tightening in anticipation. 

“Oh my god,” you murmured, sitting forward in your seat a little as your eyes widened. Billy seemed to be rendered speechless, not a smart-ass remark in sight. He pulled to a stop a little away as you both just gaped at what you could see.

The whole place was encompassed with large stone walls that were as tall as a house, barbed wire lining the top. There was a huge metal gate and what looked to be an intercom next to it. You couldn't see the building behind the walls but it looked more like a fortress than a safe house. It was way bigger than you thought it would be and at each corner of the walls, there were perch-like towers that would be perfect to take watch from or shoot if needed. You weren’t sure if the person who had this built was paranoid or maybe they had some inside knowledge of what was going to happen, but it sure as fuck seemed like it was perfect for a zombie apocalyspe. There even seemed to be what looked like wind turbines on either side. You both sat there for a moment as you looked at it before you both slipped out of the car. Billy walked around to you as you both slowly made your way up the dirt road, stopping a few feet away. You felt anxiety gnawing at you now it was go time and when you glanced over at Billy, his eyes were wide as they darted around. You didn’t want to push the intercom, knowing he needed to be the one to do it, he had to be ready.

“Guess it’s now or never, huh?” he asked, trying to smirk but it fell flat as his voice shook. You reached out and took his hand gently and he looked at you then, his face softening. “No matter what happens, I’m here,” you murmured soothingly. He blinked at you, a small smile toying on his lips as he gave your hand a squeeze. He looked back at the large metal gate then, taking a large shaky breath and rolling his shoulder. Once he’d steeled himself, he nodded, letting go of your hand as he made his way over to the intercom and pressed it, you hot on his heels.

“Anyone here?” he asked carefully but he was only met with silence.

“Frankie… if you’re in there, it’s Billy. I’m with Y/N… We… We made it,” he added, a desperate edge to his voice that had your stomach twisting in knots. Loud buzzing suddenly hit your ears and Billy stepped back quickly, grabbing your wrist and pulling you with him before he pushed you behind him slightly as if to protect you. The large metal gate started to open but before you had a chance to even try and observe the building or what was going on inside, Frank came barreling out and grabbed Billy so tight, he almost knocked him right off his feet. They clutched each other and you felt your eyes prick with tears, a smile on your face that had your cheeks hurting. Frank was muttering something but you couldn't make it out through his tears as they both cried. You were so wrapped up in the emotion of their moment, you didn’t even notice Karen until she was inches away from you and you were then engulfed in a tight hug.

“Oh my god, you made it,” she breathed, squeezing you hard as you hugged her back and allowed your tears to fall. The relief you felt was palpable. She moved away, a bright smile on her tearful face as she wiped her eyes. She turned to look at Billy then as he and Frank finally separated and she rushed over to him, grabbing him in a hug.

“Bring it in, Y/N,” Frank smiled widely as he approached you with his arms open wide. You hugged him and his arms came around you. It was the tightest hug the man had given you yet and you could feel him shaking as he held you.

“I’m so glad you made it. We all thought… After you walkied Bill and you were hurt…” he trailed off, holding you tighter for a moment before he let you go.

“It’s okay, Frank,” you murmured as you wiped your eyes with your sleeves. You were just relieved to see them.

“Everyone else… Are they…?” Billy asked, damp eyes darting from Karen to Frank.

“They’re okay, we all made it out,” Frank answered quickly, as if to ease his worries. You physically saw the stress leave Billy’s body as his shoulder sagged in relief, his lower lip trembling as he smiled and nodded.

“Bill… I didn’t mean to leave you back there, I-” Frank started, a deep frown on his face but Billy shook his head.

“It’s alright, Frankie,” Billy cut him off.

“No, It’s not,” Frank argued and Karen carefully rested a hand on Frank’s arm and made him look at her.

“Honey, they’d been through a lot, okay? Let them come in, see the others. You can explain after,” she suggested carefully. Frank looked from her to Billy, nodding reluctantly but he looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

“Come on, you guys should see this place. It’s pretty amazing,” Karen smiled at you and Billy. When you looked over at Billy, he gave you such a genuine smile it made your chest ache and he took your hand, lacing his fingers with yours as Karen and Frank led you inside the gate.

You really couldn’t get over this place. The building itself was made from the same stone as the walls and looked to be two stories high. It was much bigger than you thought it would be but there was outside space all around it too. To the left there were rows and rows of crop plots, some of them already having things growing in them. You were startled to hear the sound of clucking and when you looked over behind the crop plots, you noticed a hen house. There were large solar panels off to the right of the building in a line along the walls as well as the turbines you’d seen from outside. When you stepped inside the building, your eyes swept around. It was a lot more homely than you’d expected inside with a large wooden staircase to the back of the building. There was a large living area with a fire and a huge kitchen off to the left with an island. It all looked modern and high tech. There were a few doors and Karen informed you one was to a basement that was stocked full of food, with Frank happily telling Billy it was also full of weapons and ammo too. Karen explained there were a bunch of bedrooms upstairs and a couple of working bathrooms. The place had working water and even its own sewer system. It was like the cabin but better. It was overwhelming being reunited with everyone and not one person had a dry eye as they all hugged you and Billy. It became clear after seeing everyone that while everyone seemed to think Billy would turn up one day, everyone had thought you were dead, not that you could blame them. You were just relieved they were all here and okay, you could hardly believe it. Before long, Frank and Karen had taken you and Billy over to the large dining table near the kitchen. You and Billy sat at one side, Frank and Karen at the other and Billy grabbed your hand, pulling it onto his lap as he held it tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Frank said firmly, giving Billy a pointed look.

“Frank-” Billy started with a frown but Frank held his hand up.

“I shouldn’t have left you behind, man,” he lamented, shaking his head.

“You didn’t leave me behind. You kept tellin’ me to fall back and I didn’t listen. That ain’t on you,” Billy argued.

“Everything was just… hectic. We got out but… but Matt and Karen were shot,” Frank explained. Your eyes snapped to Karen then who smiled ruefully and you felt Billy’s hand tighten around your own.

“I'm part of the cool kids club now,” she remarked wryly and Frank gave her a look.

“Micro was driving the truck, Sarah and the kids up front. Me, Curt and Foggy were in the bed, tryin’ to help Karen and Matt. Micro thought you were there too and he just took off, tryin’ to get us safe. Before I knew what happened, we were already halfway to Virginia,” Frank muttered, guilt coating his tone. 

“He almost murdered Micro when he found out, Curtis had to drag him off him,” Karen murmured.

“I just… I didn’t know what to do. We were already so far out and we needed to get Karen and Matt somewhere safe, to patch ‘em up better. So we came out here,” Frank frowned deeply.

“It was the right call,” Billy insisted.

“Once I knew Karen was okay, I wanted to head out and find you, but Karen told me to stay put,” Frank admitted, shaking his head.

“I knew you’d find us here. If felt pointless him going out there, you’d just be missing each other,” she explained softly as she looked at Billy.

“It’s a good job you didn’t come back for me. Who knows what woulda happened, I might not have found Y/N and we’d all still be thinkin’ she was dead and she’d be out there all alone,” Billy muttered gravely and the thought stabbed you right in the chest. You didn’t want to think about the what ifs because they were pointless and the other reality was honestly terrifying. You weren’t sure what you would have done if you hadn’t found Billy that day.

“See, it all worked out in the end,” Karen smiled, giving Frank a meaningful look. She looked like she’d had this conversation already with him, trying to ease the guilt he felt at leaving Billy behind. He was a lot like Billy in that way, carrying heaps of guilt he shouldn't be feeling.

“I guess it did,” Frank murmured, finally smiling as he looked between you and Billy. There was a look in his eyes that told you he’d already picked up in the shift with the pair of you but luckily he didn’t press it. You were just happy to be with everyone, happy they were safe and here. 

You wound up having dinner with everyone, you and Billy glued to each other’s sides as the kids wanted to know exactly how the ‘epic journey’ for you and Billy had gone and he regaled them with the tale as if it was from a storybook. While you'd tried to stay positive, mostly for Billy’s sake, you really had thought you’d have some bad news coming here and you couldn’t believe your luck to find none here. You’d finally caught a break and it was a fucking big one. You felt emotionally drained after the whole thing and by the time Billy was leading you up to a room he’d picked out for the both of you, you felt ready to sleep for a week. 

“This is a pretty nice set up,” Billy mused as you walked into the bedroom. It was a decent size with a double bed, chest of drawers and wardrobe. 

“I know. This place is amazing, I really feel like we have a chance at a normal life here,” you replied as you looked around and put the spare clothes on the bed that Karen had given to you and Billy. Billy pulled you over to him and you smiled up at him before he kissed you. When he pulled away, he kissed the tip of your nose.

“You okay?” you asked him as you ran your hands up his chest.

“Yeah. This whole thing’s just taken it out of me, can’t wait to get some rest,” he grinned ruefully.

“I feel that,” you snorted. A big part of you wanted to make the most of the working showers you had here but with the day you’d both had, you wound up changing into pajamas, the notion feeling wildly absurd, before you both slipped into bed. You both lay facing each other, your hand on his chest with your legs tangled with each other’s and his arm was around you, fingers drawing circles on your lower back.

“Thank you,” he murmured tiredly.

“For what?” you asked softly. He gave you a soft smile that made your heart feel like it skipped a few beats and you really couldn't believe how lucky you were.

“For bein’ you,” he answered simply, eyes crinkling a little and you snorted with a roll of your eyes.

“I mean it. You’re one of the most amazin’ people I’ve ever met. You’ve been my rock through all this shit. I don’t know how I woulda got through this without you,” he admitted earnestly and it made you smile.

“You’re pretty amazing too, Mr Russo,” you replied sleepily, leaning over to place a kiss to his lips. 

“I love you,” he murmured against your lips, his hand moving to stroke your face.

“I love you too,” you answered easily, unable to help the smile on your face.

Eight Months Later

“Y/N, look!” Zach beamed as he ran over to where you were grabbing some potatoes and putting them into a basket. Karen had requested them for the dinner she was making.

“That’s awesome, Zach. How many did you get?” you asked with a smile, seeing him with his own basket full of eggs. 

“Five. That’ll be enough, right?” he asked, eyes bright as he shifted on his feet.

“I’m sure that’s more than enough. You should go and give them to Karen,” you grinned at him, watching as he practically skipped off to the house. He loved those chickens more than anything and he’d taken the role of being the one to look after them and get the eggs when they laid. He seemed to enjoy having a job to do. You stood up, dusting off your jeans and jumped when you felt two hands grab your hips.

“Well, if it ain’t farmer Y/N,” Billy smirked into your ear, making you snort before you turned around. Your eyes dipped to the baby strapped to his chest, a wry smile tugging at your lips.

“You on baby duty?” you asked looking amused and he shrugged, a hand coming to cradle the baby’s small head.

“Figured Sarah and Micro could use the break,” he answered with a smile. Micro had been adamant on naming the baby William after Billy and you were sure it had something to do with how guilty he felt over being the one to leave Billy behind all those months ago. Nevertheless, Billy was stupidly smug about the whole thing. Delivering William had been terrifying but the safe house had a bunch of medical equipment. Curtis had taken the lead with you assisting, and thankfully, the birth had gone without any issues and both mother and baby had been perfectly fine. 

“Anyone would think you're trying to steal him with how much time you spend with him,” you snorted softly, giving him an impish look. Sarah loved to joke about how Billy was trying to steal the baby away, to turn him into a mini Russo. You’d never expected Billy to be a baby person but he absolutely loved spending time with the little boy. 

“Don’t listen to her, buddy. Aunt Y/N’s just mean to me,” he pouted playfully and you grinned as you shook your head, grabbing the basket with potatoes and carrots in. 

“What time do you wanna head out?” you asked as he walked with you back to the house.

“Maybe like an hour?” Billy suggested, his hand darting out and lacing with your free hand.

“Sounds good to me,” you smiled. He used the hold on your hand to tug you to him but to the side a little so you didn’t squash the baby, kissing you softly. You parted ways when you got inside as you went to give Karen the goods before you got ready. You and Billy made a habit of going out hunting every few days even though you really didn’t need to right now. You had a lot of food in the basement but you both didn’t like feeling cooped up and it was nice to get out just the both of you. Billy liked to call them dates. Life here was surprisingly easy and it all worked like a well-oiled machine. You never thought in your wildest dreams you’d have some place like this during the end of the world but you were glad you found it. You thought back to all that time ago, when you were starving and desperate and came across Frank and Billy’s camp. It had all started with that group of assholes who had slit your throat and left you for dead. It was strange how things worked out, how it rippled like that. If that had never happened to you, you’d never have been scared to go to the stores to get food, you’d never have been desperate enough to try and rob Billy’s camp. You’d never have met your new family and never have met Billy. The scar that had once been a reminder of something awful and traumatic was a symbol of hope for you now. It was the beginning of your new life, the one you’d made with Billy. Every shitty thing you’d ever been through had led you to this moment and while you were sad your brother wasn’t here with you to enjoy a place like this, you knew that wherever he was, he’d be looking down at you happy that you finally found some peace. For once you were forced to finally realize that good things can last in this new world. 

Taglist: (if you’ve been asked to be tagged and aren’t here, it wouldn’t let me tag some people.)

@firexfate

@blanchedelioncourt

@on-ya

@sunshinedaisies-anddeath

@snowkestrel

@music-indie-tv

@idaofinfinity

@sweetserendipity65

@ramadiiiisme

@k-marzolf

@celestialams

@woowwwee

@noortsshift

@rainbowgoblinfan

@mysweetlittledesire

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Orgasm Delay/Denial Masterlist

All The Weights In The World (ao3) - blissedoutphil

Summary: Dan doesn’t understand why being made fun of his dick size turns him on, it just does. Thankfully, he has Phil who doesn’t question it.

A Night to Remember (ao3) - Band_obsessed

Summary: It wasn’t like Dan hadn’t expected to wake up next to Phil, it’s just that he hadn’t expected to wake up and see Phil on top of him already half hard in his boxers, a vibrating cock ring in one hand and a devilish glint in his eye. An involuntary shiver ran down Dan’s spine as he thought about the last time they’d used them - a month ago - and honestly Dan had just assumed that Phil had forgotten about their stupid challenge and the cock rings.

A Small Problem - jilliancares

Summary: For some reason Dan Howell has never been able to come. Luckily, Phil is determined to help.

breathe and i’ll breathe (and i’m in love with you) (ao3) - Cadensaurus (orphan_account)

Summary: A series of one-shots in which we explore various kinks. Said chapters will include biting, dirty talk, blindfolds, rimming, orgasm control/orgasm denial, spanking and scratching, orders and obeying, handcuffs and leg cuffs, breath play, and wax play.

Don't Break Keys - Chastity Device (ao3) - rainbowchristy

Summary: Dan and Phil bought a chastity device to spice up their (already quite kinky) sex life. And, well, Phil’s clumsiness isn’t always convenient, is it?

Give Me More (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Who knew a lazy morning full of fluff and cuddles could turn into edging and overstimulation so quickly.

Good Boy (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Dan is being a good little pet, so Phil decides to reward him.

I Was Serious - Edging (ao3) - rainbowchristy

Summary: “If you touch yourself, you won’t be coming for a month, got it? Be a good boy and wait for me to come back.”

A while later...

“Dan?” “Hmm?” “You know I was serious about no coming for a month, right?”

Just A Toy (ao3) - blissedoutphil

Summary: He takes whatever Phil gives him, because he loves being treated like nothing more than a toy to be used. And above all, he loves Phil. He’d do anything for Phil.

Not Until I Say - smuttysideblog

Summary: Phil walks in on Dan jacking off to fan fiction about Phil dominating him.

Out Of My Mind (ao3) - Profrock

Summary: “I want you to not come.”

Dan groaned, flexing his fingers uselessly. “That’s kind of what we’ve been doing for that past God-knows-how-long.”

“No,” Phil said, and Dan instinctively froze at the word. 

“I want to you not come until I say so on Saturday night.”

Dan’s eyes flew open, and his jaw dropped. 

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am.” Phil kept his gaze steady on Dan. “Completely and totally serious.”

“Phil, it’s fucking Sunday.”

Please Don’t Tease - jilliancares

Summary: Dan can’t come until he begs, which he most certainly will not. 

Spit Roast (ao3) - anerdwithakoreanhaircut

Summary: Being fucked from behind whilst being fucked in the mouth, basically.

Sub Space (ao3) - auroraphilealis (peachrayne)

Summary: There’s only one person that Phil ever let's take control, and that’s Dan.

I originally accidentally tagged this major character death; there's no character death, just porn, but Phil sure as hell goes to heaven in this fic if you know what I mean.

Tentacles (ao3) - MickythePhanTrash

Summary: Prompt - ‘Hi! Could you maybe write something with tentacles and eggie's pls? That's my fave thing :3′ (I’m so sorry it took me so long to write this! but I hope you enjoy!)

unraveled (ao3) - symmetricdnp

Summary: Dan and Phil have a lazy day in and appreciate what they have, and Dan edges Phil for an hour.

[reidsaurora]

"Night Mama" ~ E. Prentiss

Summary: Just a cute lil blurb about Emily and her partner as new parents 🫶🏻

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x GN!Reader

Word Count: 623

Content Warning: very mild swearing, mentions of breastfeeding but nothing in detail, mentions of pregnancy, lmk if I missed anything!!

Genre: domestic fluff, what else would you expect from me

Extra Notes: this is one of the cutest things i've ever written and you can fight me if you say otherwise 😤 /j

Based On the Request: "How long has it been since you slept?" (requested by @lcvingprentjss)

Originally Written: 01/29/2023

Beta Read By: @lukeclvez

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

ofwilliamandwalter's 1K cocktail party

🍸 Spencer's Sauvignon Blanc - send me a character + prompt and i'll write you a small blurb!

It wasn't until I rolled over and felt that the other side of the bed was empty that I realized Emily wasn't there.

My heart raced with panic. What if one of the killers she's arrested has come back for revenge? I thought. Quickly, I decided I couldn't take any chances and reached over on the nightstand for my phone.

It wasn't until I had dialed up 9-1-1 that I heard soft coos coming from the baby monitor. Thank goodness I didn't press the call button. I let out a deep sigh of relief before forcing myself up from the bed and trodding off to the nursery.

A tired Emily blinked at me, her voice coated with a sleep-deprived drawl as she asked, "What are you doing awake?"

"I rolled over and you weren't there," I answered, reaching up to wipe the sleep from my eyes. "How long has it been since you slept?" I asked, noticing the purple underneath her eyes and her near inability to keep them open.

"Nearly five hours since I got a nap in but since I got a full night's sleep? Um, about three weeks. The last couple weeks of my pregnancy kicked my ass."

"Babe, three weeks?" I questioned before walking over to her, holding my arms out for the baby.

"No, it's fine, really. I have to get up and nurse her every two hours like clockwork, just like Dr. Beckett, and Dr. Reid, said. Besides, she just finished eating. All that's left is burping her."

"Then you give Lilly to me and get yourself to bed."

"But-"

"No buts, Emily. You are working so hard. I am so proud of you. I mean, your body just carried and made an entire human for ten months, you're healing from all the postpartum stuff, you've been trying to get back to work already. Thank God that JJ put an end to that idea."

I took a deep breath, sitting down on the ottoman across from her. "All those things are amazing, Em. But it doesn't make you any less of a mom if you ask for help sometimes. So please, let me take Lilly and you get to bed."

She let out a soft groan, but stood before placing Lillian in my arms and shuffling toward the door. "Please come get me if anything goes wrong."

I looked up at her with a raised brow. "Em, I love you, otherwise I wouldn't have married you, but respectfully, I will not be doing that."

She let out a soft huff but turned and headed down the hallway. I could've sworn I heard her snoring before she ever even passed the doorway.

"Come on, Miss Lillian. You think you can give me a big ol' burp, sweet girl?" I cooed, patting the baby on the back.

She was nearly a replica of Emily. She had her brown eyes, the same jet black hair Emily had before she stopped dyeing it, that same freckle on her shoulder that Emily never knew about until I told her. Lillian was just like her mother, beautiful and perfect in every way.

After about five minutes, Lillian finally burped, and just like her mother, she nearly fell asleep as soon as she was finished.

Upon reaching our bedroom, I spotted Emily, who had successfully made it back to bed, quiet puffs escaping her parted lips. I giggled at the sight before placing Lilly back into her bassinet on Emily's side of the bed, leaning down to give her a kiss on her nearly bald head.

I crawled into bed beside the sleeping lump of Emily, leaving a kiss on the exposed freckle of her shoulder. "G'night, Mama," I barely got out. "Sweet dreams."

I AM ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE WITH HOW THIS TURNED OUT, I LITERALLY CANNOT

I hope I wrote this as gender neutrally as possible. I actually imagined Emily having a sp*rm donor while writing this for some reason because I just love the idea of Emily going through lists upon lists and hating every sp*rm donor because she thinks they're all ugly (because she's a lesbian and hates men) so maybe I'll make a second part about that because I just absolutely love the idea of lesbian!Emily still wanting to be a mom and still wanting to do all the work 🥹

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☆𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒☆

[is-she-suffering]

29/04/2000 - KERRANG! MAGAZINE “New York Doll��

New York Doll

According to Courtney Love, Katie Jane Garside is the original Riot Grrl. According to her detractors, she’s a new age nutter with volatile tendencies. As her band prepares to storm the Big Apple, one thing’s certain - the QUEEN ADREENA frontwoman isn’t about to change for anyone…

“WE’RE ON a planet in the middle of infinity.” Katie Jane Garside observes, not unreasonably. “Nobody really knows what the hell is going on, but as long as I’m properly chewing on life, I’m okay. Happiness or sadness isn’t the point to me. That’s why it’s good to come to a place like New York. It keeps you right on the edge of creation. To realise your mortality is great.” Katie Jane is in New York with her band Queen Adreena to their first US gigs. The slender vocalist has certainly been chewing on life in the few hours since she arrived. Last night her performance mesmerised a 100-strong audience at Brownie’s club, after which the band moved on to a trendy, hole-in-the-wall bar in a rundown part of the city where a drunken Katie made such an arse of herself that she was put in a cab and sent back to her hotel by her bandmates. “I have no dignity today.” she croaks over a lunch of coffee and water in the Big Apple’s chic Paramount hotel. “I shredded it last night. When I’m drunk, to repress any of my urges seems like a crime against God. I can become quite dangerous to myself.”

IF YOU believe Courtney Love, Katie Jane Garside was the original Riot Grrl. In the early ‘90s, she fronted Daisy Chainsaw, whose screechy, punky rock was an innovation to Courtney and others. But there were problems. Because she didn’t write any of the songs, Garside left frustrated in Daisy Chainsaw. “I was unable to articulate myself,” she sighs. “It became a bottleneck of violence. I took it out on myself to a dangerous degree. That’s why I left. My silent witness, the one up there that sits by my right ear, just told me to out.” Spooked by the music business, she headed for the solitude of the Lake District where she stayed, along, for several months. “I went away to find what was at the bottom of the well,” she explains solemnly. “I had to be very quiet and far away from everything in order to hear something that wanted to speak to me. I just walked up and down mountains. That’s all I did. Walk and write and scream into the wind. It was very magical. When you subtract from your life, it creates an altered state just as drugs do by adding something. I was able to lost myself. On good days it was divine. I write from that place. It’s a personal mythology. It’s very real.”

She toys with the fake flower in her hair and gazing down at her feet. Momentarily, she’s lost. “Where am I going?” she questions herself. “Let me see…” A long pause. This happens often when Katie Jane Garside is grappling with a big idea like art or creation. She strives hard to be understood.

When she returned to London from the Lakes, Katie put a new group together with former Daisy Chainsaw guitarist Crispin Gray, plus drummer Billy Freedom, and tall, cross-dressing bassist Orson Wajih. Named Queen Adreena after a premonition of Katie’s, they have produced the most startling rock debut of the year in 'Taxidermy’, a record full of volatile emotions and uncommon beauty. “Music is the only thing that’s been consistent in my life,” Katie explains. “It’s been my sanctity, my lullaby that’s kept me same.”

KATIE JANE has never been like the other girls. As an army child, her adolescence was disrupted each time her father was posted to a new country. Always the new kid at school, Katie remembers: “I was very angry about something and I didn’t know what it was. I don’t think I was great to know.” Between 12 and 15 Katie’s family lived mostly on a boat in the Canary Islands and in the Caribbean. Now 31, her closest friend is her younger sister Mel, a singer-songwriter who also lives in London. “I don’t really know many people,” Katie shrugs. “I know my sister and usually about one other person at any given time. We’re very connected. In fact Mel and I are almost the same person.”

Katie feels the same way about the late Anais Nin, author of some of the most celebrated erotic writing of the 20th Century, although Katie prefers Nin’s journals to her erotica. “I love her,” Katie smiles. “Something strange happened to me when I read her. I met myself. You don’t often meet yourself. It gave me a lot of comfort. Her stuff is so timeless. Her diaries are extraordinary. She was really alive every minute of her life.”

DESCRIBED BY The Guardian as “a complicated heroine”, Katie Jane Garside is an unusual rock star. She gave up drugs, she says, because they got her into too much trouble. “I’m too open,” she confesses. “They’d finish me off.” In the past, Katie Jane has been written off as a nutter, but while many of the things she says will read like so much kooky new age nonsense in the pages of a rock magazine, when she speaks of the power of nature and her desire to be alone with it, there is a fire and a genuine belief in her clear eyes. “I’m very happy on my own,” she says.

“That makes it difficult to have any relationship with any sense of permanence, but it doesn’t make it difficult for me, it makes it difficult for them. It does make me sad, but I can’t be any other way. "My religion is nature. I’m at the mercy of it, and when I feel my best is when I feel most insignificant, when I become a grain of sand, nothing. That’s my religion. Everything is temporary. There is an omnipotence. I felt that in the most real way possible.” People hate me for saying things like that, but if you truly lose yourself there’s nothing that anyone can do to you. As soon as I see a no-go sign, I have to go there. “I’ve woken up and been God,” she says. “It was a long night when everything collapsed, and it wasn’t drug-induced. There is real magic. It’s something that manifests very visibly.”

ALL OF a sudden, Katie looks up. She has a story to tell. She thinks it probably won’t make sense if the story is printed, but she tells it in the hope that somebody will understand. “I was in a very difficult period of my life,” she reveals. “I was more frightened that I’ve ever been. I was walking on Hampstead Heath and I was singing to myself, and I looked up and saw a bird which I felt was looking right at me. "Then as I crossed over a bridge, this flock of birds descended on me. I was cloaked in it. I was crying and crying and this man was staring at me through this haze of birds. "This really happened,” she exclaims. “The God experience. I’m part of creation. I wasn’t born and I don’t die. I’m here forever. And in that moment the universe rushed to me and enveloped me and let me know that I’m not alone.”