#it tickled my funny bone if you will. i looked at the cast list for the episode and well what do ya know? the actor was mexican

[boneskullravenriver]

You know, as a Latino, seeing Space Seed & seeing how they tried to pass Khan off as a Sihk is kinda funny because from the moment he opened his mouth I was like... That is an accent of someone from Latin america not Asia! But I wonder if the audience in the 60s when this aired could even tell the difference lol because it is obvious this man is not Asian.

[simplee-dreaming]

The Party

A/N: I spent far too much time deciding how all of their outfits were gonna look so I hope it paid off. Also, I know some things I mention have different names in different countries but I've gone for what I only know as the British version. Hope you like it! (Totally didn't get inspiration for this idea from driving past a joke shop myself...)

Word count: 2951

Summary: The reader attends her first themed party hosted by RDJ, but her outfit lands her in trouble.

------------------------------------

Tonight was the night. The night you had been waiting for for weeks. A party at Robert Downey Jr’s house. But not just any old party, oh no, a party for the Avengers cast. Not even just a party - a themed party.

See, Robert is well known for his themed parties. Of course he’s done the classics such as the black and white theme, the 80s theme, even the “dress as your favourite superhero” theme - what could be more suited? But he’s also well known for his unique themes. For example: dress as what you wanted to be when you were a kid; dress as your favourite fruit or veg; dress as another member of the cast; dress as your favourite gay icon. The list goes on.

This was your very first party with the cast though. Being the newest member, you were super excited to have a great night with them all outside of work - plus little Tom couldn’t stop guessing what this theme could be. It was, of course:

“Dress as your favourite board game.”

Yep. Board games.

You spent ages trying to figure out what board game you were going to dress up as. The main rule of the themed parties was that you couldn’t tell other people what you were going as unless you deliberately needed someone else to complete your outfit.

You were desperate for ideas now that the party was only a week away. It wasn’t until you were walking down the highstreet, and something in the shop window caught your eye, that you finally had an idea. You were standing outside of a joke shop, and in the window stood a dress...designed like a Twister mat.

Perfect.

The day had finally arrived. No one was filming today so you had all day to get yourself ready. Hair and makeup done, Twister dress on, ready to rumble.

You made your way to RDJ’s house at half 8 - late enough to not be the first one there but early enough to enjoy everyone’s company for longer. You smiled with glee as you stepped into the house. You were tingling with excitement as you walked towards the room where the music played. The minute you walked into the room, everyone approached you. And one by one you scanned them all to see what they were dressed as.

The first person you saw was Anthony, he was dressed up as Cards Against Humanity. Not quite a board game but funny nonetheless. The front of his outfit was completely black and the back was completely white. The writing on his front read “I drink to forget _____”, and the writing on his back read “Tom Holland”. You giggled.

Next was Scarlett. She decided to come dressed as Pictionary. Part of her outfit was made with polyester and nylon, and she carried around a whiteboard marker so that anyone could draw a picture on her outfit and others had to guess what it was. This could also be wiped off easily, ready for the next person to draw.

Sebastian was next, you snorted when you saw him. He was dressed as Frustration. His outfit was divided into the four colours: his top right being yellow, top left being green, bottom right being blue and bottom left being red. He had placed a semisphere plastic hat over his head and inside lay a foam dice which jumped about whenever he shook his head.

After Seb came Liz. She was dressed up as Uno. Her front and back were two different colours of the uno reverse card - the front being red and the back being green. The point of this is that whenever someone asked her to do something she didn’t wanna do, she’d just point to her outfit and get out of doing it.

Next was Paul B. He came as Trivial Pursuit. Random questions and answers were plastered all over his suit, such as: “how many feet are there in a fathom? 6”; “What three-word slogan was named the most popular advertisement ever in a 2000 poll? Beanz Meanz Heinz”; and his own personal saying, “Where do snitches end up? In ditches”.

Following Paul was the unsurprising double act. Big Tom and Hemsy. They had come dressed as Snakes and Ladders. Tom had glued a giant toy python to his all-black outfit, and Chris had stuck a cardboard ladder to the front and back of his all-white outfit. Simple, yet effective.

Then came Evans who was dressed as Noughts and Crosses, despite numerous comments from RDJ about it not being a board game. His back was full of paper noughts and crosses stuck to his top but his front had a similar material to Scarlett’s where the cast could play their own game on his front and then wipe it off for the next players.

You scanned little Tom next. He had gone all out with his outfit, dressing up as Operation. He was wearing a light pink coloured top and matching trousers and had stapled all the pieces of operation to their correct areas, such as the butterfly, the spare rib and the wish bone. He’d also used face paint to paint his nose a dark shade of red. Adorably creepy in a way.

Last, but certainly not least, was the man himself. Robert Downey Jr. He came as the popular game Cluedo. And boy did he look fancy. He wore a top hat that had a giant question mark stuck to it, and a tuxedo with a long sweeping tail attached to the jacket. Neatly placed all over his black suit were the names of the suspects, the names of the rooms and the names of the weapons - all written in white. He looked splendid.

“Twister. How unusual. I love it,” Robert said, the others nodded in agreement.

“Thanks, you all look incredible,” you said.

Little Tom held out his arm and led you to the dance floor where you spent the next hour dancing the night away. Big Tom and Hemsy were owning the dance floor with their moves. Many party classics blared through the speakers, including 5,6,7,8...which you knew the dance off by heart but RDJ had to be taught the moves by you and little Tom.

Another hour passed and you were sat with Scarlett, Liz and Paul in the other room where the music wasn’t so loud. Seb was with you but he had asked Liz to get him a drink and she played the uno reversal so now he was on drinks duty.

“Paul, can I borrow your suit just so I can literally look smarter?” You asked, he chuckled.

“Maybe I can just follow you around and relay the facts for you,”

“You could be the Yoda to my Luke. Though I think you’re too big to sit on my back,” you said.

“Here’s your punch,” said Seb, returning with two cups for him and Liz.

“Finally, what took you so long?” she asked.

“I stopped in the party room, Anthony and little Tom are having a competition to see who can do the macarena better,” he said.

“But...the macarena is the macarena���” you said, confused.

“Try telling them that. Tom insisted that the Brits do it better apparently.”

“Well, we do have some absolute bangers,” you chuckled. Paul agreed.

“So where did you get that dress?” Scarlett asked you.

“The joke shop down the highstreet. I was walking past it last week and found it in the window. Thought it would be perfect,” you shrugged.

“Until Mackie gets over excited and plays Twister on you,” Seb said.

“I’d like to see him try,” you replied.

“Ah, here’s the gang. What are you all doing in here?” Robert said, entering the room with big Tom and Evans.

“We’re just sat chatting….wait, have you left Holland and Mackie alone?” Seb asked.

“They’re fine, Chris is with them,” Tom replied. You tilted your head at him and raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe I should check on them…” Tom said, you nodded and he left the room.

“Soooo, how’s it going?” Evans asked everyone.

“We’re all fine but Y/N is a bit twisted,” Seb said. Everyone laughed but you bonked him on the head, making the dice jolt.

“Oi!”

You giggled and slapped the plastic hat again, the dice landed on a 6.

“Eyy I get another go!” You cheered before bonking him on the head again. He sighed but chuckled.

“Well it’s nice to see her dressed as an actual board game,” Robert said, turning to Evans.

“Hey, that’s not fair! Noughts and crosses is a board game!” Evans protested.

“I wanna play,” you said. Evans smiled at you.

You got Liz to play with you and you went first. You decided to play as noughts and took the bottom left corner. After a few rounds, you got a straight diagonal line. You cheered as Liz huffed, but she congratulated you nonetheless.

“I wanna play pictionary now,” you said, turning to Scarlett. She smiled and handed you a whiteboard pen. You thought for a moment then began drawing.

You pressed down on Scarlett’s outfit to make sure you could draw properly. You ran the pen down her stomach and she giggled.

“Hey, careful, that tickles,” she said. You blushed and apologised but continued. Everytime the pen went over a certain spot Scarlett would giggle but she never flinched.

“Okay, I’m done,” you announced. Everyone leaned forward and groaned once they saw it.

“Really? You know none of us can say that,” Seb said.

“First one to say it correctly wins,” you shrugged. You had drawn Mjolnir, something that everyone struggled to say.

“Midge-oh-lair,” said Liz.

“Mjohn-ler,” said Seb.

“Me-joln-ier,” said Evans.

“Hey! It’s Mjolnir!” came a voice from the door. Hemsy had just walked in with Mackie, little Tom and big Tom.

“We have a winner,” you grinned and everyone groaned again.

“Okay now I wanna play snakes and ladders,” you said. You scrambled to your feet and launched yourself at Hemsy, climbing up his tall body and clinging to him like a koala. He laughed.

“Okay, and what do we do now?” He chuckled. You shrugged and hugged him tighter, he returned the favour.

“As nice as this is, princess, I can’t carry you around the rest of the evening,” Hemsy said.

“Alright, hang on. Gotta complete the game,” you said. You motioned big Tom to come nearer and leaned over to hug him. Your legs followed and wrapped around his waist before you slid down his body and landed on the floor. Tom laughed.

“Impressive,” he said. You lay flat at the floor and looked at him, giggling.

“You’re very playful today,” big Tom said.

“I’m just happy to be here,” you giggled, he smiled at you.

“Alright my turn, I wanna play twister,” Mackie said, launching himself at you.

“WAIT!” You cried, panicked by his sudden movement. Mackie didn’t listen.

“I’m not doing anything! I need someone to give me an instruction,” he said.

“Right foot red,” Seb said. Mackie lifted his foot and put it on the first red spot he could see, directly on your tummy. You giggled as he adjusted his foot, rubbing it against your tummy.

“Noho Anthony!”

He looked and realised what he was doing, then smirked and vibrated his foot on your tummy again. You giggled louder.

“The twister mat is making noises, how do I turn it off?” He asked.

“Um, try putting your left hand on yellow,” little Tom piped up. Mackie grinned as he spotted a yellow spot on your ribs. He put his hand down and gave them an “accidental” squeeze.

“Hehey!” You shrieked.

“Didn’t work Holland, anyone else?” Mackie said.

“Try right hand green,” Scar said, smirking. Mackie placed his right hand on the green spot on your side and squeezed again.

“Stohop!” You cried.

“Right well that didn’t work, and I can’t put my left foot on it otherwise I would break it. Any other ideas?” he said.

“You may have to push a few buttons, try turning it off and on again,” Paul said. Mackie squeezed your ribs and sides again and shook his foot on your tummy. You screeched loudly.

“Nope, still making noises,”

“Let me have a look,” Liz said. Mackie had you pinned below his hands and foot. You started to giggle as you felt a single finger run up your neck.

“Nonono Lizzie!” You squeaked as she dragged a nail up the other side.

“There must be an off button around here,” she teased. She gently scribbled all her nails into your neck. You scrunched up your shoulders and shrieked.

“NOHOHOHO!”

“Definitely not here, you sure it’s not there Mackie?” Lizzie asked. Mackie squeezed your ribs and sides again and your giggles turned to laughter.

“Nope, no no, that’s made it worse,” he said. “Someone try a blue spot!”

Evans jumped up and ran over to help. He found a blue spot right on your hip, he placed his hand over it and started squeezing.

“NAHAHAHAHAHA!” You screamed. Trying to buck your body was impossible with Mackie still pinning you.

“Dammit Evans you turned the volume up!” Mackie yelled.

“Maybe the problem lies outside of the mat itself,” big Tom piped up.

“What you saying Hiddleston? That we’re the problem?” Mackie asked.

“Not at all, just that there appears to be parts connected to the mat, but not part of the mat itself,” Tom said, putting his hand on his chin. He slowly approached you and swiped a single finger under your knee. You kicked it away.

“Now it’s malfunctioning,” Mackie informed him. Tom hummed and swiped a finger under your other knee. You kicked again. He then spider tickled under both your knees and you shrieked loudly.

“PLEHEHEASE I’M NOHOT BROKEN!” You screamed.

“God DAMN you made it talk!” Mackie yelled.

“I know what the issue is,” Robert said, stepping forward.

“Do go on?” big Tom said.

“You need to hit all the pressure points at once. It’s like a giant reset button, wear it down till it reboots itself,” he said. Everyone looked at each other.

“Position yourselves,” Robert instructed.

Mackie stepped off of your stomach and knelt by your left side, Seb knelt by your right. Lizzie was still up by your neck and big Tom by your knees. Scarlett was by your right shoulder, Paul by your left. Evans positioned himself by your hips, little Tom the other side by your thighs. Hemsworth and Robert sat next to your feet.

“Nonononono please!” You cried.

“Rebooting systems in 3…” Robert began.

“No please!”

“2…”

“Wait!”

“1…”

“No wait I’m not brOHOHOHOKEN!” You cried as everyone attacked you at once. No one was pinning you down but you could hardly twist and turn with 10 people tickling all your spots at once. They were all ruthless and yet...you sort of loved it.

“PLEHEHEHASE NOHOHOHO!” You cried, flailing your arms around. Mackie and Seb were squeezing up and down your sides and across your tummy, Lizzie was tickling deep into your neck, Scar and Paul had just caught an arm each and pinned it upwards so they could tickle your underarms, big Tom was scratching under your knees and squeezing the tops, Evans was squeezing and scribbling into your hips, little Tom was scratching up and down your thighs and Hemsy and Robert had grabbed a foot each to tickle. It was pure torture.

“KEEP GOING, IT’LL WEAR DOWN EVENTUALLY!” Robert yelled over your screams of laughter. Everyone picked up the speed and you screamed louder than ever before.

You now had your arms and legs pinned by Scar, Paul, Robert and Hemsworth so you tried to buck your hips as much as possible and scrunch up your shoulders to protect your neck but it was no use.

“NOHOHOHO MOHOHORE!” You cried. You let out another loud scream and fell into a silent laughter. Tears filled your eyes to the point where you couldn’t even see Lizzie kneeling over you.

“Reboot complete,” Robert instructed. He stopped tickling your foot and one by one the rest of the cast followed and ceased their attack. You lay there, taking in deep breaths of air.

“You alright twisty?” Mackie asked, sliding up to your head. You nodded, letting out residue giggles. Evans gave you a hand up and propped you up against the sofa.

“You...are...all...evil…” you breathed out. Everyone chuckled.

“You were in a playful mood, we wanted to join,” Evans said, winking at you.

“I never knew you were so ticklish,” Hemsworth said.

“So would you be if 10 people ganged up on you,” you replied. He laughed and nodded in agreement. Little Tom sat down next to you.

“You okay?” He asked, pulling you in for a hug. You nodded.

“Yeah...that was fun,” you clamped your mouth shut after realising what you just said.

“Fun eh?” little Tom teased, quickly spidering your side to make you giggle again.

“We had fun too if that’s any consolation? Could go for round two if you want,” big Tom said. You looked at him and smiled.

“Not today I don’t think, you guys well and truly broke me,” you said, everyone laughed.

“I think I’ve already decided on the theme for next year,” Robert said. Everyone turned to him.

“Tickle Me Y/N,” he said, “where everyone has to bring a random object to tickle Y/N with. First to make her say stop wins.” He winked at you and you blushed and hid your head in little Tom’s shoulder. He chuckled and stroked your head.

“Now that will be a fun theme,” Mackie replied.

[teawithkpop]

[M] - PhysCom - Pt 3

pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3 - bc 1 - pt 4 - pt 5 - pt 6

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader

Rating: Mature [18+]

Length: 8.8k words

Genre: PhysCom AU - smut with dashes of angst, and a shitload of romance and complicated feelings,, uhuhu (porn with plot??)

Warnings: none for this chapter?? other than a boatload of angst and feelings and ahhhh holy shit wtf is going on

thank you all for being patient! ^^ I had a couple hiccups while writing this part, but thankfully I think everything is heading in the right direction now hehe~ hope you enjoy!

“I think we should go out there, and I should kiss you senseless, sweetheart.”

You stare at Namjoon, trying to calm your racing heart. He’s joking, right? He has got to be joking. Doling out kissing privileges is what got you into this mess in the first place. Stirring more jealousy into the pot probably won’t help things.

It takes a count of three before he laughs. “I’m kidding. Obviously.”

You squint at him. He didn’t sound like he was kidding. You glance down to button his jacket around you and notice that there’s a prominent tent in his pants.

Oh...

You smirk. “You sure you didn’t have any ulterior motives for that plan, Master Kim?” You tease him with the title and are pleased to see his cheeks flush when your head inclines ever so slightly towards his lap.

He coughs, clears his throat, straightens his tie. “Of course not.”

You can’t contain the grin on your face. “Really? Not a single, rock hard, reason?”

He readjusts his position, crossing his legs to hide the evidence of his arousal. “Nope.”

You laugh, and catch him grinning too.

“Okay, so maybe... it wasn’t the most objective plan,” he admits with a chuckle. If he’s trying to cheer you up, it’s working. You start to giggle and have to hold your sides as the laughter spills out, quickly turning delirious. A boner is such a preposterous thing to pretend to hide for the sake of manners when it’s your job to sexually satisfy them. Something about it just tickles an exhausted funny bone in you. “Sorry-” You burst into another fit of giggles, trying to catch your breath.

“Don’t apologize.” Namjoon says, his eyes smiling as few laughs slip out of him as well. He pets your hair while you catch your breath, his hand falling to your cheek, his eyes tender. “You look so sweet when you laugh.”

Your heart flutters. Kim Namjoon has the charm and charisma of a diplomat, but the kindness and consideration of a humanitarian. You don’t know how he manages to balance his professionalism with his personability, but he sure as hell manages it somehow. Your hand slips onto his knee and his thumb brushes your cheek, laughter still on the tips of your tongues. You feel like you're two kids on prom night, that same sort of silly sexual tension lingering between you.

He leans in, and your heart stops for a second, but his lips merely graze your forehead. He pulls back, his gaze clouded with something you can’t quite identify. “If you ever decide to add kissing to your list of services,” he says quietly, his gaze traveling over your face and down to your lips. “I’d like to be the first to know.”

You swallow. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you aren’t tempted to add it today, right now in fact, and plant one on him. But that would defeat the whole purpose of this discussion, so you somehow manage to resist the temptation.

His hand finds its way to your thigh, his eyes swirling with that indiscernible emotion, and you have to wonder if you're not the only one having to restrain yourself here.

"You'll be the first," you answer quietly, trapped under his mesmerizing gaze.

After a few agonizing moments of silence, he nods almost imperceptibly and pulls back with a smile, his hand retreating from your leg.

“Honestly,” he says, folding his hands in his lap. “I think the best solution is to talk it out with them.” It takes you a moment to realize he's returned to the matter at hand, talk of kissing you seemingly forgotten. “If you want me there, I’d be more than happy to mediate,” he offers, giving you a sidelong glance. “But if that doesn’t work, then maybe they’re not mature enough for the privilege of having you as a PhysCom.”

He shrugs, his tone and expression practical and professional. “I would recommend a suspension of your services for a few days. Remind them how much they really appreciate the work you do.”

You laugh at this option. “You want me to blue ball them?”

He chuckles wryly. “Well… consider it like discipline. If a kid isn’t treating their toys with respect, what do you do? You take away the toy and give them time to think about what they did.”

You look at him askance, surprised by his wisdom on the topic. “Since when did you know so much about raising kids?”

“I read a lot,” he replies cheekily.  “Anyway, we’d better get back out there before they start to speculate.” Namjoon stands, offering you a hand.

You take it, stand up, and start to shed his jacket, but he stops you. “Keep it on. It’s alright.” He moves the fabric back over your shoulders, his fingertips brushing your skin.

“Are you sure?” Your eyes meet his, and you can feel the tension in his gaze, ready to snap from the slightest tug.

He meets your eyes without hesitation. “I’m positive.” His gaze lingers on your lips again, and his hand brushes up from the jacket's collar to cup your neck. His thumb brushes softly along your jaw before he seems to remember himself. He pulls away with noticeable reluctance and goes to open the door. “Ladies first.”

You snort. “I’m not exactly a lady,” you reply, looking down at your nearly naked form, but you don’t argue with him and take the lead. He follows you out, shutting the door behind him.

------

The scene you return to in the dining room is unexpected. The dim, sensual lighting has been ruined by the regular lamps turned on in the corners of the room. Butlers and maids are cleaning up the table, and you count three less clients milling around than before.

It would seem the banquet is over.

"What happened?" You ask, hurrying over to Seokjin. "Where is everyone?"

He sighs and flashes you a weary smile. "I had to send Taehyung and Jimin to their rooms. They were... getting out of hand."

Yoongi snorts from across the table. "That's an understatement. Nearly started brawling. Don't know what the hell got into them."

Seokjin shoots him a warning glace. “Anyway, I thought it would be best to wrap things up for the evening.”

Your gaze darts around, checking who's still here. Jungkook, Yoongi, Seokjin, Namjoon, and... Hoseok? He's missing. "What about Master Jung?"

Yoongi's smirk fades and he looks down. "He said he wasn't feeling well. Asked to be excused."

Your stomach sinks. This is definitely your fault. Fuck, poor Hoseok. He’d been the one fucking you when you called your safe word, and you’d hate for him to think it was because of something he did. You want to run and go talk things out with him - with all of them, per Namjoon's suggestion, but your eyes catch on Jin again. His face is cast downward, a small frown on his face as he rolls a rose stem between his fingers forlornly.

You feel impossibly worse. Everything’s gone wrong. This was supposed to be his night to have you however he wants, and now the party's over before he even got to fuck you.

"Master Kim." You walk up beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder and pulling his attention away from the flower. "We can… take things back to your suite, if you wish." You look up at him sweetly, hoping you can at least try to make things right.

Jin shakes his head with a thin smile. "No, pet. You've been through enough tonight." He pets your hair and heaves another sigh. “You should get some rest.”

You look down to his pants and see a tent there similar to Namjoon’s. You touch his chest, sliding your hand down his stomach and towards his crotch. “But you-”

“No.” He takes a hold of your wrist before you can make contact where he needs it most. He takes a moment to breathe, the conflict of his wants and needs clear on his face. “No, you need some rest, my pet. It’s been a very busy evening.” He brings your hand up and holds it against his cheek instead. “You shouldn’t tax yourself.”

Your heart feels like it’s sunk below the floorboards, and you can’t keep the worry out of your eyes. None of them have ever turned you down like this before. Not when they’re hard. Not when this is your job.

“Master, I’m fine to do it, honestly. Besides... I can’t just leave you like this.” You say meaningfully, knowing that he would get in trouble if he takes care of the problem himself. He seems like he’s about to assure you when Yoongi pipes up again.

“Don’t worry about him. Another slut will take care of it tonight.”

What?

Seokjin’s jaw twitches and you sense he’s restraining himself from saying something. Did they talk about this while you were gone? “He’s right, darling.”

What the fuck.

“That’s what they’re there for, after all.”

What the fuck is happening.

“Don’t worry about me, just get some beauty sleep.”

What the actual fuck?

“You’ll feel better in the morning.” 

You wrench yourself out of Jin’s grasp, unable to believe what you’re hearing. Your head is spinning, lungs suddenly short of breath. This can’t be happening. Your career, your livelihood, their favoritism… all gone in one night. It’s only a matter of time now. The more they play with the other PhysComs - the fucking Secondaries - the less special you are in their eyes.

In one evening, you’ve become… exchangeable.

You grip the edge of the table, hands shaking as you start to see red.

“Darling?” Seokjin places a hand on your back, his eyes wide with concern. “Do you need some water? Some air?” 

You jerk away from him, your despair turning to rage. “I’m not some fucking flower! Okay? I said I’m fine!”

Jin looks startled. Namjoon comes over, his voice soothing. "Everything's alright, sweetheart. Let's get you to bed, okay?"

You wrench away from him too, stumbling back. "No! It's not fucking alright!" A heavy silence follows your outburst. All you can hear is your own labored breath. All their eyes are on you, wide with concern, and fear, and… pity.

You can't stand it, can't stand the way they're looking at you. Like their fuck toy is malfunctioning… You turn on your heel and dash out of the room, knocking into Jungkook in your haste. You push him aside, but not before your eyes meet and he can see the tears streaming down your cheeks.

You ignore them as they call after you, and you escape to your room for the second time that day.

-------

As you slam your door shut, you run over and flop onto the bed to cry into your pillow. Dramatic? Sure. Do you care? Not particularly. It’s not like anyone’s here to judge you and your pity party anyway.

Fuck, this is all wrong. How could things have gone so wrong so quickly?

This whole day has been a complete and utter mess, from the moment Taehyung had tried to kiss you. Or… maybe from the moment you let it happen.

You squeeze your eyes shut, replaying every agonizing moment up until now. The kissing, the feelings, the tension at dinner, the moment you broke... fuck, that one hurt.

But being replaced... that hurts even more.

You sob for a good long while, not caring if anyone could hear you. You just need to get it out, god you haven’t cried in so long. Once it’s out of your system, you’ll be back to normal, ready to fuck at a moment’s notice like always.

But then again, you’ve only been employed for six months. Is this just what happens after a while? Do PhysComs just… break? Is that why the job has such a high turnover?

Well, if that’s the case, then you’re screwed. You might as well start begging on the street now. Sure the money you’ve earned so far is enough to float you through for a little while, but without another job to replace this one, it won’t last for very long.

Being a PhysCom is everything you’ve trained for, everything you’ve ever wanted. Without it, you’re nothing. You have no identity outside of your training, no skill set outside of pleasuring others, no prospects… no hope.

Would your family take you back in?

You know the answer immediately. No, no they wouldn’t. Not after what you did to them.

You have no friends aside from the other people you trained with, but you’ve long since lost contact with them, any ties to them were cut once you were hired and shipped off here.

Could you get another job? Highly unlikely.

Once someone becomes a PhysCom, the position is recorded on their government file, branding them for life as a personal sex worker. Random day jobs don’t hire people who were previously fuck toys, it reflects badly on their brand. New employers for PhysComs scrutinize previous positions mercilessly. Any criticism or stain on your performance record will put you out of the running in favor of someone just out of training. No one wants to take leftovers when there’s so much fresh meat on the market.

You have no plan B. Your life is ruined, crumbling apart before your very eyes.

Your ComGear buzzes incessantly, but you ignore it. They can message you all you want, you’re done for today. If they want to get off so badly, they can go find some Secondaries. Clearly, that’s the best solution while you’re here agonizing over your career and ‘getting some beauty sleep’, as Seokijn put it. Ugh.

Now would be the perfect time to masturbate and relieve some of this anger and stress. If only you could actually orgasm.

It’s only then that you see the envelope sitting at the bottom of your door. You hadn’t noticed it before, someone must have slipped it inside at some point.

You crawl off your bed with a sniff, your eyes still puffy from crying so much. It’s a small yellow envelope with your name on it. You open it, unfolding a piece of paper, creased in half to fit inside.

I’m sorry things got out of hand. I hope you can forgive me. - Hoseok ♡

The fact that he sent you a note instead of a text makes your heart feel funny. God, the world doesn’t deserve someone as good as Hoseok.

That’s it. Fuck your beauty sleep. You’ve made up your mind. You’re going to set at least one thing right from this trainwreck of an evening, and you won’t sleep until you do.

You throw on a bathrobe and peek out into the hallway outside your room, but thankfully you see no one. It doesn’t take you long to tiptoe to Hoseok’s room, and before long, you’re knocking softly on his door, the note clutched in your hand.

There’s no answer, and you worry for a moment that he might have already gone to bed. But soon the door creaks open, and Hoseok peers out. He looks awful, hair a wreck, dress shirt rumpled with a few buttons undone, and his eyes are puffy. Had he been crying, too?

“Oh,” He looks both panicked and relieved to see you. “Hi... um, listen about earlier-”

You shake your head and give him a half-smile, holding up the note as evidence. “You already apologized.”

“No, but I-” He stops, sighs, and opens his door all the way, rubbing the back of his neck. “Here, come inside. I want to talk to you.”

“Me too.” You fold your arms around yourself and go in, looking at him imploringly as he shuts the door behind you. “Master Jung, I didn’t use my safe word tonight because of anything you did. I want you to know that.”

He shakes his head, showing you a sad smile. “You don’t have to lie to me. I was the only one doing anything to you.”

Your eyebrows knit together in concern. Fuck. He does blame himself.

“Honestly, I was just… distracted. I’ve had a lot on my mind recently, so I wasn’t-”

“That’s exactly the problem.” He interrupts you with a stormy expression, and your eyes widen. He huffs. “I wasn’t considering your feelings.”

You blink in surprise. Your what now?

“I just… didn’t question Jin-hyung’s orders. Even though Jimin was reluctant to do it. I should’ve realized something wasn’t right, that you weren’t feeling up to it. I shouldn’t have let my dick do the thinking.” He looks to the floor, chewing the inside of his cheek. “I’m really sorry.”

Your mouth hangs agape. He’s talking as if this is about your whims. As if you have a say in the work you’ve already signed up for, as stated by your contract. Like having sex is negotiable.

“Hoseok…” You say his name without thinking, and his wide-eyed gaze snaps up to meet yours. “I think there’s a misunderstanding here.”

He nods. “Yeah, there is. A big fucking misunderstanding,” he laughs ruefully. “I misunderstood your place here with us. I realized tonight that… I had started seeing you as just a sex toy.”

You simply state the truth. “But that’s what I am.”

“No! You’re not!” You flinch as he shouts, his hands flying into the air. He grabs you by the arms, his eyes full of despair and regret. “You’re a human being, with thoughts and emotions and…” He realizes that he’s gripping you and hastily releases his hold. “Sorry.” He murmurs, sighing as he goes to sit down on his bed, head in his hands.

You’re a little shaken up by his passion. Why does he suddenly care about your thoughts and emotions? He should care about your feelings about as much as he cares about the feelings of their toaster oven. By the industries standards, you’re a fuck doll, nothing more. You’re not even supposed to have feelings, at least not when you’re on the job.

But… technically, right now… you’re done for the day. Off the clock.

You feel bad letting him stew in his little pit of blame, and you join him on the bed, sitting beside him. “It’s not your fault,” you reiterate. “If I really wasn’t feeling up to it, I should have taken the evening off."

Although you would never willingly do such a thing, it’s not uncommon for three or four PhysComs to be on the job for a group simultaneously, in case any of them are under the weather, or too tired to perform well.

Yours is a unique case, tackling all seven members’ pleasure single-handedly. You wouldn’t have been permitted to take on such a challenge had you not received such glowing reviews from your trainers. You’ve finally achieved what you had been working towards all that time.

Of course, now you might be at risk of losing everything.

“It was all a… stupid accident.” You might be thinking of more than just what happened at dinner, but Hoseok doesn’t need to know that.

He glances at you, still looking remorseful.

You get an idea. Why not play to your strengths? It can only benefit you to remind as many members as possible why you’re their Primary.

“You know, they say the best way to get over an accident… is to get back in the saddle.” You murmur, reaching your fingers out to graze his thigh. “Do you want to have a do-over, cowboy?”

His expression grows more concerned. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Fuck no. But you’re not sure of anything recently. “It can’t hurt, right?”

Hoseok looks conflicted. He doesn’t take your hand off his leg, but you aren’t about to advance further without confirmation. He studies your face, searching for something. “Do you even want to?”

You blink. Why is everyone suddenly asking for your consent? It’s implied. You signed a contract. That’s like asking to eat the food on your plate. “It doesn’t matter what I want, master.”

“Well, it matters to me.” His voice wavers as he reaches up to touch your cheek. “Your feelings matter to me. I don’t want to think of you as some mindless sex doll, because you’re not.”

His unexpected words strike right through your heart, leaving you raw and vulnerable.

“You may act like one, but you’re not. You’re a person.” He tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, and I don’t ever want you to be uncomfortable again.”

You stare at him, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. What the hell is he saying?

“Starting now, I will never have sex with you unless you want to, okay? That’s a promise.” His eyes are like melted caramel, soft and warm and sweet, as he leans closer and starts kissing your neck. His lips are soft, apologetic. Whispering praises and apologies while his hand caresses your waist.

The stutter in your heartbeat means nothing. His words mean nothing. They don’t make any sense. Your pleasure doesn’t factor into the equation.

He can’t just do this, can’t just treat you like he cares about more than your body. He can’t cater to your deepest fantasies like this. It’s cruel.

“Hoseok,” your breath catches as he nips gently at your neck. “Master Jung-”

“I like Hoseok better. Or Hobi…” he murmurs, pulling the collar of your bathrobe aside to trail kisses along your shoulder.

“Hoseok,” you try again, a little more strength in your tone, despite how weak you feel with his lips on you like this. “This isn’t right.”

“Do you want me to stop? I will,” he says, lips hovering just above your skin.

No. No, you don’t want him to stop, says a part of your brain, the part that’s been dreaming about situations like this. Being held, being kissed, being loved… But the rest of your brain knows that you can’t risk it.

“You can do whatever you want to me. That’s the point,” you reply feebly. You’re not sure how else to get your message across, since he seems to have batted away your usual arguments. “I exist for your pleasure.”

“Well, what if I exist for yours, hm?” He smirks, pulling back to look at you. “What if I take care of you when you take care of me?”

Your eyes widen. Reciprocation goes against your entire job description, and besides, it’s pointless. He has to know that he’s breaking the rules, but he doesn’t seem to care at all.

His hand cups your jaw, his thumb running gently along your cheek. “You deserve so much more than being treated like a toy.”

You’re stunned into silence. Everything he’s saying is wrong.

But is it bad? Would it be so bad to let him take care of you, to let him appreciate you, if that’s what he truly wants?

“I exist for your pleasure… whatever form that may take.” You hesitantly reiterate the rules, if for no other reason than to clear your conscience. “If it’s what you want, then go ahead.”

He shakes his head. “Nope, sorry. It has to be something you want.” He smiles and leans closer, his eyes searching your face. “Do you want me, baby? Just be honest. Be yourself tonight.”

God damn it. You try to look away, but he gently turns your cheek back to face him. You can’t resist him. He gives you a warmth you haven’t known in ages, filling up every crack and crevice in your heart, and you desperately miss it, aching for the sensation of being wanted by someone… of being worthy.

Your willpower is dwindling. You can feel your breaking point approaching. Fuck it, if they might replace you anyway, what’s the worst that could happen?

You close your eyes, steeling yourself to let your walls down and to keep them down, at least for this little while. You inhale deeply, almost holding your breath.

“I want you, Hoseok.”

The truth comes out as merely a whisper, but once you start you can’t stop, the dam already broken. “I want you, god I want you so much, I-”

Soft lips cover your own. Oh… he’s tender and passionate all at once. His hands are greedy, unable to get enough of you, and yet they’re reverent, considerate, floating over your body and touching your face like you’re something important. Like you’re special to him.

It goes against every fiber of your being, every hour of your years of training, but fuck… it feels so good to be able to kiss him like this, with no inhibitions. He pulls you onto his lap, deepening the kiss as his hands grip your ass, pushing up the hem of your robe to really feel you.

You forget, in this moment, that he’s your client, and you wind your hands up and around the back of his neck, playing with his hair and humming into his sweet, soft lips. Everything about Hoseok feels warm, and sweet, and right. Shit, why does this feel so right?

“Good girl…” His tongue slips into your mouth and starts teasing yours, licking into your wet cavern while his hands wander over your body. He peels off your robe, slowly exposing your skin to his blissful hands and they rub and trace every curve and contour.

You can feel the smile on his lips as he glides his hands up your body. One stays on your ass, kneading the soft flesh while his other comes up to ghost over your breast, his thumb circling over your nipple with a languid motion. He’s in no rush. This isn’t a quick fuck, this is… something else, and the thrill of the unknown has you leaning into his touch, desperate to discover more.

He breaks away from your lips for air, leaning down to mouth at your other tit instead, causing you to whimper. “You’re so beautiful…” he murmurs, sucking on the sensitive bud while his hand gropes at the other side, pinching and rolling your nipple in his fingers.

You gasp at the blissful sensation, but a looming sense of dread grows as he continues, as you know his hard work won’t lead anywhere, and soon will follow the inevitable frustration of not being able to climax. The first cloud on the spotless horizon of your little tryst. 

“Hoseok…” you moan his name, rolling your hips into his lap, where you can feel his cock through his pants. “Let me do you now.” 

“Tonight’s not about me,” He doesn’t let up on his barrage of pleasure, smirking against your skin. “When was the last time you came, sweetness?”

You swallow. Shit, this wasn’t a good idea, was it?

“I… I can’t wait. Fuck me now, please...” You whine the excuse, grinding your bare pussy against his crotch. You remember what he said about doing what you desire. “I want you to fuck me, please…” Your voice drips with a very real desperation as your pleasure starts to reach its plateau.

He pulls back and chuckles. “Already? You sure you don’t want me to eat out that pretty pussy of yours? I could make you feel so good…” His tongue darts out to trace around his lips, and he slips the hand from your ass around to your front, testing how wet you are. “Fuck, I want to taste you so badly. Make you cum on my tongue, baby.”

You shake your head involuntarily, eyes wide and your cheeks turning red.

Heoseok smirks, mistaking your worry for shyness. “Aww, baby…” He kisses you again, rocking his hips up to meet yours. “It’s okay. I know this must be a big change for you.” He chuckles and scoots himself back onto the bed with you still in his lap, and you move to straddle him. “We can work up to it next time, okay?”

Next time?

You don’t have time to worry about such a troublesome prospect, as Hoseok wastes no time, fishing his cock out of his pants and lining himself up with your entrance, still fully clothed. “You ready, baby?” He leans in to kiss you again, and when you nod, he pushes slowly inside you. Hoseok’s cock is long and lithe, just like him, and it’s always able to reach your farthest corners. His stamina is also through the roof, probably from all that dancing, and whenever he plays with you, he often leaves you feeling fucked silly by the end of it. You prepare yourself for another such dizzying experience.

“Ah, fuck... “ He takes his time to sheath himself fully inside you, using the moment to feel every crevice of your walls, his cock throbbing from the sensation. You squeeze your walls around him, expecting him to start fucking you roughly any minute.

Instead his hands glide over your back, down to your ass again as he holds you almost supportively. You whine and buck desperately against his hips, but he stills your movement, silencing any complaints with another tongue-filled kiss. He takes his sweet time moving in and out of you, reaching deep inside of you with every thrust as his moans vibrate against your lips, the wet sounds of sex filling the otherwise silent room.

For some reason, your senses are heightened by his slow pace, and it feels even more intense than some of your roughest sessions. Every little twitch and rub of his hard cock into your sopping entrance has tingles of pleasure shivering up your spine, your heart racing even though he’s barely done anything. You arch your back, moaning into his mouth as he hits a particularly good angle.

He notices and adjusts his position, soon finding a lazy, easy pace to slide in and out of you, as if he has all the time in the world, and he wants to spend as much of it joined with you as possible.

“So fucking beautiful…” His voice is hoarse, thickly laced with something you can’t explain. He lays back onto the bed, pulling you with him, chest to chest, and continues to kiss you like he can’t get enough. You start to bounce on his cock, but his hands still grip you firmly at your hips, controlling the pace.

You groan at his agonizing slowness, but it feels so good, you can’t really complain. Shit, why didn’t they ask for this kind of sex more often? It feels incredible, like… like softcore porn. It’s… emotional, and raw, and deep. You feel like he’s touching your very soul with every stroke inside the furthest reaches of your core.

“Fuck, H-Hoseok…” you whimper, each languid push of his body has you trembling, aching for more. What is happening? You’ve never felt this before, this ache, this desire to keep him deep within your walls, forever sharing kisses and sweet touches.

“I’ve got you, baby,” he murmurs softly, supporting your back as he pushes even deeper with a groan. “You’re safe with me.”

You shudder and lean into him, and a memory from your training days comes to the surface.

“Never trust your client.” Madame paces in front of the class, her eyes scanning each girls’ face. “They will only betray you in the end.”

This is one of many talks Madame likes to have with her class, explaining not only the official rules, but also the practical ones. The things no one but other PhysComs would think to discuss.

“You are your own representative in their house. An independent contractor. Never let yourself be vulnerable around them.” Madame’s voice is strong and clear, full of intention.

Her eyes fall to your face, her gaze full of burning embers.

“Don’t fall for their guises of kindness.”

You gasp as Hoseok flips you two over, laying you gently onto the bed as he trails kisses up your body between murmured praises. “Fuck, baby… You’re so beautiful...”

You shudder, writhing beneath him as he lines himself up with your entrance again.

“Does it feel good, baby? Tell me.” He smiles brightly and leans down to kiss your neck, clearly pleased with his progress as he rubs his tip through your slick folds, eliciting another whimper from you. “I want to make you feel so good…”

“F-feels…”  Your voice trails off as you come upon a moment of clarity. What are you doing? How did you get into such a predicament? “Hoseok. This isn’t right.”

He stops, pulls back enough to look at you. “What’s not right, baby? I’ll fix it.”

You huff out a laugh, already feeling your stomach start to sink. “Why are you doing this?”

He looks confused. “Because I want to make you feel good.”

“No. No you don’t, because that’s not part of our arrangement,” you explain, looking up at his stunningly handsome face. A part of your heart hurts just looking at him, knowing he can never be yours.

“Well… maybe we can make a new arrangement,” he says quietly, the confidence in his eyes wavering.

You feel bad bringing the harsh truth into this when he’s worked so hard to live out this little fantasy with you, but you must. You can’t stay in this bed, in this daydream, forever. You know from experience, it’s best to rip the bandaid off, make sure he knows that this can’t be seen as anything more than indulgence and a lack of self control on your part.

 “Hobi, you don’t even know my name.” You look at him somberly, and as his face falls, you find yourself wishing the two of you were in a different world, living different lives, where you could let him kiss you and hold you and fuck you like this and not feel guilty about it. Your eyes fall downward, stewing in regret. Fuck, this would’ve hurt a lot less if you hadn’t given in and let him take your heart so easily.

You start to get up from the bed, but strong arms pull you back in, hugging you from behind.

“Hoseok.” Your tone is that of reprimanding a child. You have to be the responsible one here. It’s not his job to make sure you’re following the rules. “I should go.”

“I may not know your name, but I know you.” His voice is tender and soft, like sweet caramel, and he buries his face into the crook of your neck. “I’ve lived with you for six months, and they’ve been the best time of my life…” He plants soft kisses on your neck. “You make me happy.”

You feel numb. Why is he saying this? Doesn’t he realize how hard he’s making it to rip off this stupid bandaid?

He keeps kissing your skin, his hands skimming over your stomach and thighs. “Please…” he whispers, kissing and nibbling the shell of your ear. “Please stay with me. Just for tonight.”

Fuck. Fuck your weak heart. He can’t do this to you.

“Hobi… there are rules, I can’t just-”

“Forget the rules for a second. Do you want to stay?” He pauses his affection to give you a moment to think, and you find yourself wishing he’d continue.

Well, there’s your answer then. If there were no rules… you’d stay in this bed with him for as long as he’d let you. But you can’t bring yourself to say it. Your tongue, your lips… they won’t move, frozen in fear of the truth buried deep in your heart.

He must be able to sense your inner struggle, because his hands resume caressing and squeezing your body reassuringly. “Either way, I won’t tell anyone what happened, okay? Tonight is off the record.”

It’s those words, those stupid, considerate words, that have your paper-thin resolve crumpling once more.

You turn around in his arms, cup his jaw, and kiss him deeply, fully, your heart racing from the act of rebellion. He makes a small noise of surprise, but quickly reciprocates, a smile tugging at his lips. You exchange sloppy, heated kisses with him for several moments, basking in his natural warmth, before he pulls away.

“So… I’ll take that as a yes?” He smirks, his eyes dancing with playful affection.

You let out a laugh in spite of yourself. “Yes,” you sigh, shoving out all your worries and fears. Despite the warnings of your training days, you trust Hoseok. You have no reason not to do so. He’s shown you nothing but kindness and understanding.

He looks overjoyed at your reply, and kisses your once more, giddy and laughing throughout all of his tender little pecks. “But if you change your mind, you tell me. Alright, princess?” He coos, petting your cheek.

You nod, shy from his shower of affection.

He grins and repositions the two of you so he’s hovering above you again, and starts to unbutton his shirt. “Now, where were we?”

You blush as he exposes his smooth chest and sheds his shirt, tossing it aside. Even though you’ve seen him naked before, this feels more private somehow… almost intimate. Like he’s doing it exclusively for your benefit.

“Mm… we can stay like this all night long.” He leans down and kisses you again, taking your hand and guiding it to his chest, encouraging you to touch him. He then trails his lips down your neck and over your breasts before pausing again. “Oh, and um… do you mind telling me your name, baby?”

You blink in surprise. “Why?”

Hoseok lines himself up with your entrance, slowly starting to fuck you again, and he pulls back enough to look at you. He touches his forehead to yours, a sheepish grin on his face while he slides in and out of you, blissfully filling you up again and again.

“I want to know what name I should be moaning when I cum tonight.”

-------

Sunlight streams through the window, and you roll over to avoid it. You're too wrapped up in fantasies and dreams, and oh… wait, was last night a dream? Your heart sinks. There's no warm body next to yours. No trace of any evidence.

Maybe it’s better this way. It was a delicious dream, and you’ll file it away with the others you’ve had. Your career still needs some damage control, but at least you won’t have to deal with rebuilding your dignity after a night of misdemeanors. 

You prop up on your elbows, blinking the sleep out of your eyes and your heart stops at what you see. Hoseok's room. You're in Hoseok's room.

Well, shit… that's evidence if you ever saw it. Right? But where's Hoseok?

As if summoned by your thoughts, the boy appears from his en-suite bathroom, rubbing a towel through his hair.

The sight makes you inexplicably shy, and you bury back beneath the covers, as if to hide yourself from view. You hear him chuckle.

"Morning, princess."

You hunker down and hide even more, your heart racing. What the hell is wrong with you? You're a professional sex worker. Sex workers do not get shy the morning after.

The covers are lifted from you, revealing your face, and soft lips touch your own before you can object. "I had a great time. Did you?"

You stare up at him, looking like a Greek god in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, the one from his hair now slung around his shoulders. He’s effortlessly sexy and it’s totally unfair.

You pull your knees up to your chest, biting your lip warily. “Hoseok… about last night. What… what was that?”

He looks mildly confused, but still smiles and sits beside you, gently running his hand up and down your leg. “What do you mean?”

You look away from him. He’s too sweet, too bright for the grave clarity and turmoil seeping into your system with the arrival of the morning. “The sex. It felt… different.”

If anything, his grin grows wider. “Really? How so?” If you didn’t know better, you’d say he looks smug right now.

“I don’t know. It was like… you were filling up my whole body, not just my cunt. I felt it all over, inside and outside. It was… really good.” You mumble out the last few words, and you don’t need to look at him to know he’s practically beaming now. “Is there a word for that? What do you call that?”

Hoseok’s finger hooks under your chin, gently turning your head to face him. His eyes are warm and sparkling with humor, as if you just made a joke and didn’t realize it.

“I would call that making love,” he says softly, a hint of cheek in his tone.

Your mouth parts in shock as you recognize the truth of his analysis. “Making love?” You echo softly.

He nods with a chuckle and leans in to kiss you, his thumb stroking your cheek. “It’s like sex, but with feelings,” he explains, his eyes full of adoration as he looks at you. “Was it alright?”

It’s only as he asks you this that you realize why it felt so different.

He hadn’t given you a single command last night.

You’d had sex with him without being commanded to do it. It had just been a… mutual desire. You feel dizzy at the realization. That constitutes an explicit violation of your contract. If anyone finds out, you’ll be fired for sure.

You’re short of breath, panic taking over as the world seems to spiral around you. Hoseok’s eyes widen and he holds you steadily, pulling you into his strong arms.

“Whoa, whoa. It’s okay, w-what’s wrong?” He sounds concerned as he pets your hair, letting you rest your chin on his shoulder. “Was it… not alright?”

You shake your head, desperately trying to keep your tears at bay. The last thing you need is for him to see you cry. All your training, all your effort to get this job, your career, your livelihood, it’s all disappearing, leaving you with nothing but failure on the horizon.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He asks again, gently coaxing you to speak.

You inhale shakily. Hoseok is too good for this. He’d be an amazing boyfriend. He deserves an actual girl to hold who can love him the way he deserves. One who doesn’t have rules to follow and boundaries to keep. A girl who can fully give herself to him and make love with him whenever he wants. Whenever they both want. Because that’s a real relationship.

Not this. Not like what you have. You and Hoseok… you can never be like that.

Because you’re just his Physical Companion.

All of his kindness, his gentleness, it’s all wasted on you. You don’t deserve it.

“This can’t happen again.” It’s all you can manage to say.

He’s silent for a moment, rubbing your back while your breathing slowly returns to normal. “Okay,” he says softly. He doesn’t ask any questions, he doesn’t fly into a rage, he just accepts your decision, and that makes you feel even more torn. He really deserves better than this.

“But if you ever want it to happen again,” He pulls back enough to look you in the eyes, and wipes a single tear off your cheek before it can fall. “You know where to find me. Just say the word.”

He looks at you and gives you a small smile. His eyes hold more heartbreak and empathy than you thought possible, and he whispers your name just once before bestowing one last, sweet kiss to your lips.

“Come on,” he says gently, standing up and starting to get dressed. “I’ll walk you back to your room.”

-------

You feel strange as you enter your room once again, everything exactly the way you left it. Hoseok had given you a kiss on the cheek before heading downstairs to get breakfast, humming a tune to himself, like nothing at all had happened.

Maybe he was pretending for your sake, or maybe last night didn’t really mean that much to him. You shake that thought away as impossible. Not even the most skilled actors could fake the level of intimacy Hoseok showed you last night.

You sigh and head over to your bed, sitting down to process the events of the past twenty-four hours. You slept with a client outside of working hours. He made love to you. But you liked it. It felt amazing. But now you might lose your job. You feel guilty for not being able to make love to him, even though it’s a ridiculous notion in and of itself. But you broke your contract, so do the rules even matter any more?

You’re uncertain, you’re scared, but also strangely excited... liberated. You wish you had a friend or maybe even a therapist to talk to, just so you can sort all this out and get a game plan together.

Your ComGear buzzes again from your night table, and you realize it’s been going off for a while. Are they really messaging you this early?

You pick up the slim device and swipe the screen up, expecting to find many missed notifications. Instead what greets you is something utterly different.

An unfamiliar purple screen, with an empty text box in the center and a question above it.

Cardinal Rule?

Consent. The answer comes immediately, drilled into you by Madame from your training days, and you type it into the text box. A green check mark appears next to the box, and suddenly a new screen is there, successfully unlocked.

It’s a chatroom, with messages from lots of strange usernames, occasionally bumped upward by new messages. It’s active.

What the fuck?

You look a little closer and start reading the texts.

[ PCsv01_svt  ]: yeah, it’s not fair at all lol [ PCsv03_twc ]: i’m so jealous TT [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: can u send more?? ur both so cute!! [ PCsv02_svt  ]: sure! hang on ^^

A few photos appear in the next message from them. The same couple is pictured in each one, making various cute poses together, kissing each other... 

You recognize the girl.

“Sascha...?” You whisper, your heart stopping as you cover your mouth. The sight of your old friend has tears springing to your eyes. You thought you’d never see her again.

But why is she in these photos? Who is she with? Who the fuck are all these people? What the hell is going on?

[ PCsv01_svt  ]: guys hang on [ PCsv01_svt  ]: pc for bts is here [ PCsv02_svt  ]: wait for real?! [ PCsv02_svt  ]: finally!! [ PCsv02_svt  ]: GIRL HOW ARE YOU [ PCsv02_svt  ]: it’s me sascha!! ^^ [ PCsv09_$px ]: glad you made it.. [ PCsv04_blp  ]: hi there [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: eyyyyy how’s it goin?

You stare in confusion and fear at the messages. Could that actually be Sascha? How is this possible?

You slowly type out a message, your curiosity overpowering your fear, and hit send before you can stop yourself.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: what the fuck is going on [ PCsv01_bts  ]: what is this place

A reply comes quickly.

[ PCsv01_svt  ]: this is the private network for physcoms [ PCsv01_svt  ]: it’s inaccessible to anyone but us [ PCsv02_svt  ]: don’t worry! it’s safe here ^^ [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: welcome to the dark web babes B) I’m blake

Your palms are sweating. Dark web? Private network?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: what do you mean? that’s impossible [ PCsv01_bts  ]: who set this up?? [ PCsv03_mtx ]: I know it sounds fake but this is legit [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: ur mom did lol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: Madame did! and other pc trainers~

You try to make sense of it. Another memory surfaces, one from your very first week at training. You had collapsed during basic stamina extensions trying to get the best score and outdo your classmates, and Madame had called you and your fellow trainees together for a talk...

“Girls. We are independant, yes. We are strong, yes.” Madame’s gaze sweeps across the worn out faces, her own expression steely, with an underlying kindness. Madame is strict, but only because she knows it’s what’s best for all of you.

“We must always rely on ourselves in this business,” she continues. “But also on each other.” 

“You are all in the same boat together. We PhysComs are the belittled backbone of society. Needed, but kept hidden. Brushed aside when it comes to our own needs. No one is on our side… except our fellow sex workers.” Her gaze drops to the floor for a moment, and the room is utterly silent while she collects her thoughts.

She turns her gaze to you, as if appraising your behavior. “I believe you all have the potential to be the best workers in the industry. But you won’t get there on your own.”

You swallow, but meet her gaze with determination.

She gives the slightest huff at your boldness, her gaze scanning the crowd again. “Stick together. Help each other succeed. You’ll find it’s much better that way.”

At the time, you thought she meant supporting each other during training. But… could this be what she was hinting at? A PhysCom support group?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: Madame did this? [ PCsv06_ast  ]: lots of people contributed~ [ PCsv02_svt  ]: yup! micha is here too!! ^^ [ PCsv03_mtx ]: that would be me :) how’ve you been?

Micha? Another trainee from your group. You didn’t talk to her as much, but you remember she was cool and friendly. How could this be happening? What does all of this mean?

A thought occurs to you and a flash of fear hits your stomach. What if this is a setup? A ploy by your network to scope out rulebreakers - of which you are now one.

Fuck. How can you be sure this is real?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: I… don’t trust this [ PCsv03_mtx ]: I didn’t at first either but it’s cool [ PCsv01_svt  ]: I understand your hesitation [ PCsv01_svt  ]: but this network is completely detached from your old one [ PCsv01_svt  ]: you’re off the grid [ PCsv02_svt  ]: connecting to the network also jailbreaks your gear!! you can use it like a phone now ^^

Wait, what? You tap back to your home screen. It looks like the boys’ phones. Instead of a handful of apps only approved by your network, you now have an app store, web browser, camera app, and standard phone and messaging apps instead of the restricted ones from before.

Holy shit.

You tap back into the chatroom, typing another message.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: who are all of you? [ PCsv01_svt  ]: we’re PhysComs just like you [ PCsv01_svt  ]: I’m Antione [ PCsv06_ast  ]: hi~ nice to meet you! [ PCsv06_ast  ]: my name’s aashi hehe

This is all too much to take in. These are all other PhysComs?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: how did I get here? [ PCsv01_svt  ]: you were playing solitaire, right? [ PCsv01_svt  ]: used the find your friends option? [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: boom that’s how you got here babes B) [ PCsv01_bts  ]: that… doesn’t make any sense [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: doesn’t have to, ur here now lol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: think about it! what do you do when you need help? find your friends! ^^

So… a solitaire app is the gateway to the PhysCom dark web? You shake your head, trying to wrap your mind around the absurdity. You feel like you’re in a weird dream.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: this is… bizarre [ PCsv01_bts  ]: sascha… who was in those pictures? [ PCsv02_svt  ]: oh! that’s Josh~ he’s my client <3 [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: and her boyyyfrieeend lolol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: yeah hehe ^///^ my adorable namchin~~

Um… what?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: wait wtf [ PCsv01_bts  ]: client?? boyfriend?? [ PCsv01_bts  ]: which is he? [ PCsv02_svt  ]: both… <3

Your eyes are glued to the screen, your heart racing. This isn’t possible. Sascha is… dating her client? She can’t be. That’s not allowed. She’ll be fired.

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: you can’t do that sach! you’ll lose your job... [ PCsv02_svt  ]: aww no I won’t honey~ it’s okay [ PCsv02_svt  ]: we’re all dating clients! ^^ [ PCsv06_ast  ]: well.. most of us haha [ PCsv09_$px ]: not all of us are that lucky... [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: some of us are dating multiple clients ;) [ PCsv01_svt  ]: happens all the time

What sort of alternate reality have you stumbled upon…?

[ PCsv01_bts  ]: um how are you not all fired? [ PCsv01_gt7  ]: ummmm bc they want to date us too?? Lol [ PCsv01_svt  ]: since we’re all disconnected, the only real risk is if the client informs their company of the relationship [ PCsv02_svt  ]: but Joshie would never do that! he wants to be with me, even if it’s in secret <3 [ PCsv01_gt7 ]: she got him whipped lol [ PCsv02_svt  ]: yeah... I do ^^ hehe [ PCsv01_svt  ]: as long as feelings are reciprocated, being fired is almost impossible

This is either a trap, or they’re all crazy. They can’t just date their clients, it goes against every rule in the book. And yet...  you sense a glimmer of hope in spite of yourself. If they can do it, then why can’t you?

Your thoughts are interrupted by a sudden knock on your door and you nearly jump out of your skin. You shove your ComGear under your pillow and rush to go answer it, your heart beating out of your chest and cheeks flushed from your rebellious activities.

You try to tame your hair and take a deep breath before answering the door, your brain still whirring in an attempt to make sense of all that you just read.

Jimin and Taehyung stand outside, both looking embarrassed. Taehyung gives you a small smile.

“Morning, jagiya. Do you have a minute?”

[somegirlsnerdywords2]

Anime i’ve Watched

That begin with a D (Part 1)!

Yep this is how i’m going to bring over all the anime and manga i’ve watched and posted about on the old blog. It’s not so detailed but it will have to do. Anything new I watch or read from this point on will have their own posts.

Dance with Devils:

Genres: reverse harem, demons, supernatural, romance, vampire, shoujo

Synopsis: Ritsuka Tachibana has always been a good student, so she is completely shocked when she is suddenly summoned by the student council. Even more, they seem to think of Ritsuka as a troublemaker. Led by the handsome Rem Kaginuki, the student council—also consisting of Urie Sogami, Shiki Natsumizaka and Mage Nanashiro—tries to question her, but it soon becomes clear that they have ulterior motives.However, this is only the beginning. When her mother gets kidnapped, her life is turned upside down, and Ritsuka gets drawn into a world of vampires and devils. Both groups are searching for the "Grimoire," a forbidden item allowing its owner to rule the world. The return of her brother Lindo from overseas gives her hope, but even he appears to be hiding something. In a world filled with secrets, Ritsuka questions whom she can trust in this dark musical tale, while the handsome and dangerous members of the student council compete for her attention.

[Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: One of the better animes in the reverse harem genre. Little bit of fantasy, drama, romance. This one was actually a musical... or at the very least had a notable amount of musical numbers throughout the series. I do love me a good musical. To be fair this anime had some big issues, though if you’re just looking for a bit of halfway decent reverse harem fun this should suit you just fine!

Darling in the FranXX:

Genres: action, drama, mecha, romance, sci-fi

Synopsis:  In the distant future, humanity has been driven to near-extinction by giant beasts known as Klaxosaurs, forcing the surviving humans to take refuge in massive fortress cities called Plantations. Children raised here are trained to pilot giant mechas known as FranXX—the only weapons known to be effective against the Klaxosaurs—in boy-girl pairs. Bred for the sole purpose of piloting these machines, these children know nothing of the outside world and are only able to prove their existence by defending their race.

Hiro, an aspiring FranXX pilot, has lost his motivation and self-confidence after failing an aptitude test. Skipping out on his class' graduation ceremony, Hiro retreats to a forest lake, where he encounters a mysterious girl with two horns growing out of her head. She introduces herself by her codename Zero Two, which is known to belong to an infamous FranXX pilot known as the "Partner Killer." Before Hiro can digest the encounter, the Plantation is rocked by a sudden Klaxosaur attack. Zero Two engages the creature in her FranXX, but it is heavily damaged in the skirmish and crashes near Hiro. Finding her partner dead, Zero Two invites Hiro to pilot the mecha with her, and the duo easily defeats the Klaxosaur in the ensuing fight. With a new partner by his side, Hiro has been given a chance at redemption for his past failures, but at what cost? [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 6/10

Finished airing in 2018 with a total of 24 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Ohhhh how I wanted to love this one. After Kill la Kill I have the highest of hopes for anything Trigger releases but unfortunately they tend to fall short of my expectations... such a shame. The art, animation and themes were fantastic but that’s about where the good times end in all honesty. I will never forgot just HOW they operate the mechs.... those images will forever be burned into my memories.... so thanks for that I guess?? This series had it’s moments and wasn’t a complete dumpster fire but overall it just wasn’t anywhere near the masterpiece I hoped it would be. The disappointment factor probably took a few points off in the end. 

Deadman Wonderland:

Genres: action, sci-fi, shounen, horror

Synopsis: It looked like it would be a normal day for Ganta Igarashi and his classmates—they were preparing to go on a class field trip to a certain prison amusement park called Deadman Wonderland, where the convicts perform dangerous acts for the onlookers' amusement. However, Ganta's life is quickly turned upside down when his whole class gets massacred by a mysterious man in red. Framed for the incident and sentenced to death, Ganta is sent to the very jail he was supposed to visit.But Ganta's nightmare is only just beginning.The young protagonist is thrown into a world of sadistic inmates and enigmatic powers, to live in constant fear of the lethal collar placed around his neck that is slowed only by winning in the prison's deathly games. Ganta must bet his life to survive in a ruthless place where it isn't always easy to tell friend from foe, all while trying to find the mysterious "Red Man" and clear his name, in Deadman Wonderland.

[Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 6/10

Finished airing in 2011 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Just go check out the completed manga is you’re interested in this series and watch the anime for more content. Pretty cool premise with decent art and music but is incomplete and very unlikely to receive another season.

Death Note:

Genres: mystery, police, psychological, supernatural, thriller, shounen

Synopsis: A shinigami, as a god of death, can kill any person—provided they see their victim's face and write their victim's name in a notebook called a Death Note. One day, Ryuk, bored by the shinigami lifestyle and interested in seeing how a human would use a Death Note, drops one into the human realm. High school student and prodigy Light Yagami stumbles upon the Death Note and—since he deplores the state of the world—tests the deadly notebook by writing a criminal's name in it. When the criminal dies immediately following his experiment with the Death Note, Light is greatly surprised and quickly recognizes how devastating the power that has fallen into his hands could be. With this divine capability, Light decides to extinguish all criminals in order to build a new world where crime does not exist and people worship him as a god. Police, however, quickly discover that a serial killer is targeting criminals and, consequently, try to apprehend the culprit. To do this, the Japanese investigators count on the assistance of the best detective in the world: a young and eccentric man known only by the name of L. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2007 with a total of 37 episodes. 

My Thoughts: If you’re an anime fan and haven’t at least heard of Death Note you may have been living under a rock. Or maybe the only reason you know this title is because of that dumpster fire of a live action western remake... if so I am so so sorry. Strong beginning with an alright end. A great psychological series overall though. Unique and iconic. 

Death Parade: 

Genres: game, mystery, psychological, drama, thriller

Synopsis:  After death, there is no heaven or hell, only a bar that stands between reincarnation and oblivion. There the attendant will, one after another, challenge pairs of the recently deceased to a random game in which their fate of either ascending into reincarnation or falling into the void will be wagered. Whether it's bowling, darts, air hockey, or anything in between, each person's true nature will be revealed in a ghastly parade of death and memories, dancing to the whims of the bar's master. Welcome to Quindecim, where Decim, arbiter of the afterlife, awaits! Death Parade expands upon the original one-shot intended to train young animators. It follows yet more people receiving judgment—until a strange, black-haired guest causes Decim to begin questioning his own rulings. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Now this was an interesting one! Here we have the concept of death in game form. Each episode a new player is introduced and our leading pair takes them through their chosen game. Morality, mystery and a dynamic leading pair are what drive this character driven series. You’re sure to experience a wide range of emotions while watching this anime and the opening theme was pretty good as well. Why not give it a go if it sounds like your kind of thing!?

Denki-gai no Honya-san:

Genres: comedy, seinen, slice of life

Synopsis:  Umio is a shy kid who just started his part time job at a manga store smack dab in the middle of the city. But his lifestyle isn't as glamorous as the neon lights that illuminate the city. Umio's closest friends are his co-workers who are all unique characters, to say the least, and although they're nice people, they have their quirks. They are a tight knit group of friends, have nicknames for each other and spend their weekends inside, sheltered from the extravagant scene happening on the outside. (Source: MU)

My Rating: 10/10

Finished airing in 2014 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Something light after this unusually heavy themed list. A lovable cast of characters drive this situational comedy and it’s an abosulte joy to watch each and every one of the antics they manage to get up to. A great series to bang out on a day when you aren’t feeling so great and need a little something to lighten your mood. You’re unlikely to find any deep life lessons here but it’s sure to tickle your funny bone. 

Devilman: Crybaby:

Genres: action, demons, horror, supernatural, ONA

Synopsis:  Devils cannot take form without a living host. However, if the will of an individual is strong enough, they can overcome the demon and make its power their own, becoming a Devilman. Weak and unassuming, Akira Fudou has always had a bleeding heart. So when his childhood friend Ryou Asuka asks for his help in uncovering devils, Akira accepts without hesitation. However, to Akira's surprise, the place they go to is Sabbath: an immoral party of debauchery and degeneracy. Amidst bloodshed and death, demons possess the partiers, turning their bodies into grotesque monsters, and begin wreaking havoc. In a reckless attempt to save his best friend, Akira unwittingly merges with the devil Amon and becomes a Devilman, gaining the power to defeat the remaining demons. Though it grants him great power, this new partnership awakens an insatiable and primeval part of Akira. Having the body of a devil but the same crybaby heart, Akira works alongside Ryou, destroying those that harm humanity and his loved ones. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 4/10

A 10 episode ONA that finished airing in 2018

My Thoughts: And we’re back at it with the dark stuff... I was not a fan. The art.animation had some real cool moments as did the music but it was just a bit much in my opinion. Rushed and nonsensical with characters I couldn’t care less about. Gratuitous violence and nudity. To be fair there are plenty who enjoyed this anime, unfortunately for all of you I was not one of them.

[theolddarkmachine]

Imaginary - Chapter Fourteen

Midoriya Izuku’s life was turned upside by fate.

Eri’s life was turned upside down by circumstance.

And Bakugou Katsuki is about to learn that even imaginary friends need to grow up.

Also on AO3

A/N: I’M SO SORRY Y’ALL. I REALLY DON’T HAVE ANY OTHER EXCUSE FOR THE DELAY IN UPDATE OTHER THAN I SUCK AND TIME GOT AWAY FROM ME TToTT I’m gonna promise to do better, especially since time management is on my list of things to be better at for this year of my life. but please bear with me its 29 years of procrastinating we’re working against

***************************************

An all consuming warmth slowly drags Katsuki to the very edge of his consciousness, settling him in the soft, hovering glow between wake and sleep. He can’t remember the last time he woke so slowly, so easily. Normally awakened by the sudden cascade of another day jarring him, he almost isn’t certain he hasn’t fallen into another dream as the gentle crest of awareness brushes across his senses.

Humming deep in his throat, he stretches long, enjoying the click and pull of his joints as they pop. A tickle of breath dances across his shoulder as a soft sound to his side shakes through the slow melt of his consciousness. Nails scratch gently at the center of his chest as the hand there twitches with it’s own slow realization of the morning.

Cracking his jaw around a yawn, Katsuki finally lets his eyes flutter open against the pale sunlight. His vision gets lost amongst a forest of green curls that lay fanned out on the pillow beside him.

A shiver dances across his skin with the sudden memory of the night before.

The way Midoriya had looked up at him, with constellations trapped in the evergreen of his stare, and moonlight tangled in his hair.

The way he’d moaned his name, reverent and soft, like something sacred, as he’d etched the very emotion he felt deep into Katsuki’s skin.

The heat of his skin that still lingers on his own, burning him with an inescapable fire that Katsuki wishes would turn him to ash.

It pushes a dangerous feeling through him, tangling it around the spaces of his bones and guts, leaving Katsuki wrapped up in everything that Midoriya is.

Everything that Katsuki could wish and dream and hope to have.

The expanding emotion pushes at the edges of his mouth until he feels a slight smile settle on his lips.

Midoriya’s hand slides slowly from where it’s placed over Katsuki’s heart, leaving a heated trail in its wake as he makes a small, upset sound before pushing his face further into his pillow. He watches in shameless amusement as Midoriya rolls his shoulders, the movement rippling through the muscles of his back. Katsuki thinks of how desperately he wishes to place a kiss right at the top of his spine as Midoriya lets out another low groan.

He thinks he just might, at least, until another small sound catches him off guard.

“Katsuki,” he slurs into the pillow before huffing a small, barely there laugh. Turning to face him, Midoriya opens his eyes. The breath leaves Katsuki’s lungs in a quick breath as he sees the way the morning light turns his eyes impossibly bright.

Quickly connecting the freckles that speckle the bridge of his nose, Katsuki commits the moment to memory, coveting it like a thief.

“Morning,” he gruffs after a long pause, trying his best to ignore the way his voice is tempered. The bite in it is all but erased in the early morning sunlight.

Another moments passes before Midoriya’s brows pull together, leaving his face cast in a shade of confusion.

“Cat got your tongue, nerd?” He laughs, wolf’s grin scrawling across his face. Midoriya ignores him as he pulls his gaze away, turning his body as he looks out toward the room as if in search of something. The silence around them presses in on Katsuki as he watches him cock his head.

“Deku?” He asks, just as Midoriya speaks in a small, confused voice, “Kacchan?”

The cold lick of shock skitters down his spine as he shifts, pressing himself forward until he’s settled in front of Midoriya, ignoring the way his gaze settles just over his shoulder.

“This isn’t funny, I’m right here,” Katuski growls low, praying that it’s just some joke. But he knows. Can already feel the truth as it settles at the center of his chest like a crushing weight.

It’s just like before any of this began. How it was always supposed to be.

He can’t see him.

“Izuku,” Katsuki whispers. It’s vain, he knows, hoping that his name might break whatever terrible curse has rendered him invisible to him once more. He watches as the brightness in Midoriya’s eyes fade as they continue to track back and forth across the room, his shoulders slumping forward as if in an attempt to shrink down into the bed.

An aching chasm splits Katsuki’s sternum as Midoriya sighs. Falling back into his pillow, he trains his gaze upward toward the ceiling.

The corners of Katsuki’s lips twitch downward as he carefully pushes himself off the bed. Grabbing at his clothes that litter the floor, he pulls them on deftly, making quick work of the task before slipping out of the room.

With each step he takes away from the door, Katsuki feels the dark pit at the center of his chest pull wider and wider as he tries not to think of the green eyed man he’d left alone. Balling his hands into fists, he takes the stairs down, doing his best to ignore the lingering memories that cling to them like ghosts.

At the bottom, he turns into the kitchen. Spotting a stray piece of scrap paper and a discarded pen, he quickly jots down a note.

Sorry, Deku.

Forgot I had a work thing, and didn’t want to wake you up.

See you later?

Katsuki is all too aware that that might be a lie, but he has to say it. Needs for Midoriya to believe it to be true.

He needs it to be true.

Swallowing thickly, Katsuki gives it one last look over before scrawling a large K at the bottom. Gently, he leaves it at the center of the counter so it can’t be missed before making his way out of the kitchen.

Pausing at the bottom of the stairs, he looks up them, the void in his chest finally reaching its widest point as he traces the shadows. Unleashing his sigh, Katsuki turns away, and sees himself out.

***

One day Katsuki is going to burn down the solid oak doors of the Administrator’s office, if only so that he can erase their taunting existence from the face of this Earth.

He doesn’t know when they had become such a big part of his life, but now, standing before them once again, he can’t help but feel like their the gates to Hell. It didn’t help that the only reason he was there yet again was the ominous note stuck to his apartment door that stated he needed to report in as soon as he returned.

Nothing good ever followed a sterile note like that.

Katsuki has half a mind to not go in. Just ignore the directive all together and pray to whoever he could get to listen for the best. What could they do to him anyway?

Fire him?

“You going to head in there, or are you going to just have a staring contest with the door?” Mina’s voice is bright from where she sits at the receptionist desk.

She must be filling in for that extra, Katsuki thinks as he rolls his eyes.

“Shut it, Pinky,” he growls, anger bleeding into his voice as he keeps his eyes trained firm on the office doors.

“No can do, Hot Head. As the receptionist for the day, it’s my solemn duty to keep things rolling,” she replies, the laughter in her voice barely disguising the concern nestled between the gaps of her words. “And you, are not rolling.”

Giving another noncommittal growl, he shrugs, not bothering to turn his attention to his friend. Mina means well, she always means well, and for some reason, that only pushes the anger through his veins faster.

“Anything you want to talk about?” She pushes, letting her cheery facade drop as she sighs.

Even if it was something he wanted to talk about, Katsuki knows it wouldn’t do any good. It’s not like he even fully understood what was going on, so how could anyone else help anyway.

The silence seems to be all the answer Mina needs as she makes a small sound at the back of her throat.

“Must have really liked this assignment, huh?” It almost sounds like pity, which stings all the more. Bristling at the understanding sadness, Katsuki keeps his eyes forward as she continues, “we all have that one that’s harder to let go than the rest.”

Leaving and never coming back starts to sound more appealing as the quiet thickens around them.

“Never thought it’d happen to you though,” Mina says lowly, almost as if it’s an afterthought. The statement pushes low laugh between his teeth. It tastes as bitter as it sounds.

“You and me both,” Katsuki replies curtly before finally reaching for the handle. “Now if you’re done playing reception therapist, I’ll be going in now.”

He can only imagine the way she shakes her head as he pushes the door open, her quiet words at his back as he steps through the threshold.

“I’ll be here if you need me, Bakubro.”

His gaze finds Toshinori easily, his bright yellow suit a beacon from where he sits at his desk with his nose pressed deep into a book. Letting the door click quietly shut behind him, Katsuki watches as the Administrator continues to read, seemingly unaware of the new presence in his office.

He looks the same as every other time, forever frozen as this leading figure of the company. Once upon a time, it had been inspiring. Toshinori was a certified hero as far as Best Friends go.

But now, there’s something solemn about the realization.

Katsuki takes a steadying breath as he slides his gaze down toward the desk and the plain folder that sits at its center.

“You aren’t tired of seeing me, yet?” He grumbles by way of introduction. A small smile curls the edges of Toshinori’s mouth upwards as he slowly places a skinny bookmark in the spine of the book, then closes it with a snap.

“Ah, young Bakugou, I wasn’t sure you’d ever walk through that door,” he fires back good-naturedly. Even wrapped in the Administrator’s kind teasing, it still strikes like a knife. Growling low, Katsuki steps further into the office until he’s standing before his desk.

“Why don’t you have a seat?” Toshinori offers, his voice a shade too close to a command as he gestures toward the bean bag chair. Spine stiffening, it sets him closer to the edge as his stare sharpens on the man before him.

“I think I’ll stand, thanks,” Katsuki counters as he folds his arms across his chest, obstinance rolling off him in waves. His mood has soured beyond the point of no return, and all he wants to do is head back to the warmth of the Midoriya household and forget that he doesn’t belong in their world for just a little while longer.

A sudden flash of Midoriya’s jade stare looking through him cuts across his thoughts, turning his blood cold as Toshinori sighs.

Setting his book down on the side of his desk gently, he keeps his gaze down as he trades it for the folder. Katsuki focuses on the way his hands toy with its edge, but never actually opens it.

“Midoriya Eri,” the Administrator hums, keeping his attention down as he bends the corner of the folder back and forth. “Age 4, adopted. Almost a victim of human trafficking. Taken in by the lead police officer on the case. Shy.”

A small spasm rolls across Katsuki’s eyelid as he listens to Toshinori recite the words from memory.

“I know what Eri’s file said,” he cuts in, trying to ignore the quick pace of his heart as it beats its staccato rhythm against the inside of his chest. “Do you want me to finish?”

The tone of his voice causes Toshinori to pause, his thumb frozen at the folder’s edge as he finally looks up. There’s something buried deep in their dark depths, and it turns his gaze sad in a way that punches deep into Katsuki’s stomach.

Tsking loudly, he turns his gaze toward the wall just behind the Administrator’s shoulder.

He can still see her file so clearly in his mind. It hadn’t painted an accurate picture of Eri at all. He hadn’t liked it then, and he certainly doesn’t like it now. Now, he prefers the Eri that he’s come to know. The one with the sunshine smiles and bright laugh.

Another smile he prefers wanders across his mind on the back of a stray thought.

“Concerned she may be a burden on her adopted father,” Katsuki grinds out as he tries to shake the phantom smile from his mind.

“Do you know what her file reads now?” Toshinori asks. The man speaks low and slow, yet it still fills Katsuki with dread as he cuts his stare back toward him, meeting Toshinori’s stare head on.

“No.” The word falls from his lips, heavy and sharp. It’s an answer, but also a command. One that the Administrator ignores are he starts to speak once more.

“Midoriya Eri. Age 4, adopted. Almost a victim of human trafficking. Has a cheery disposition. No longer questions where she belongs.”

“Stop,” he hears himself say.

No, plead.

Katsuki knows what’s coming next. It’s always the same, but it’s never felt like this. Like there’s a black hole deep inside his chest and its sucking away every bit of him, tearing through his flesh and guts and leaving nothing in its wake.

“Status: No longer requires an imaginary friend,” Toshinori says, ignoring him. Gritting his teeth against the throbbing ache, Katsuki balls his fists under his arms, letting his nails cut deep into his palms, if only so that the new biting pain will ground him.

“When?” He asks pointedly, throwing as much vehemence into the single word as he can.

For the first time, in his existence, he finds that he hates the Administrator, and his kind gaze. Hates this job, and hates the never ending loss.

Before the Midoriyas, he’d never noticed it all before. Never quite seen that as an imaginary friend, he was doomed to a life of never moving forward. Frozen at this point, he would never be able to keep any of the people he met in his life.

This job, and everything that he was fated for, was to help other move forward with their own lives.

But who was supposed to help him?

“When?” Katsuki snaps again when Toshinori doesn’t answer quick enough. It charges the room with a brittle sort of unease before the man sighs and places the folder back on his desk.

“Your last day with her is Sunday,” the Administrator says before pushing the folder across the desk and toward him. “Your next charge.”

Ignoring it, Katsuki shakes his head, finally unwinding his arms and slamming his hands down on the desk. The loud boom of his palms cuts sharply through the otherwise quiet room.

“No,” he snarls. “She still needs more time.”

I still need more time.

Toshinori’s gaze turns sorrowful as he gently shakes his head in return.

“I’m sorry, young Bakugou” he says gently, “but you need to tell them goodbye.”

Recoiling as if his words had burnt deep into his skin, Katsuki can’t seem to swallow down the sudden burn of bile at the back of his tongue.

Them.

“You knew,” he manages to push through his teeth. It’s an accusation, bold and heavy as it weighs on his tongue.

“How did you know?” Katsuki continues, voice pitching louder. The Administrator’s pause seems to stretch for a small eternity before he rests his elbows atop the desk and settles his chin on his hands in thought.

His eyes flash with the overhead lightning as he flicks his gaze up toward him.

“This isn’t the first time an adult has been able to see one of us,” Toshinori says, not acknowledging the lack of shock on Katsuki’s face at the admission. Giving a small nod at the revelation, he puts more weight onto his elbows.

“I was close friends with Shimura Nana,” he starts to explain before cutting himself off with a small, huffed laugh and a short shake of his head. “We were best friends. But a week into her last assignment, her charge’s father acknowledged her.”

He already know how that file reads too.

“The friendship was terminated,” Katuski finishes, watching close as the Administrator just nods.

“A new friend was assigned, and the Administrator in charge of the case moved forward as if nothing happened,” Toshinori adds, even though Katsuki can tell that he knows he already knows.

He can feel it in the way he watches him close. Almost as if imploring him to understand something.

“What happened to her?” Katsuki asks. There hadn’t been any further information in the file about Shimura Nana, and what had happened to her after the strange occurrence. Even after he’d gone back to flip through other files, Katsuki had never found any other mention of Shimura Nana again.

Another stretch of silence rolls between them before the man leans back in his seat, hands falling down to his desk in defeat. His sigh is heavy as he pushes the ignored folder a bit closer toward Katsuki.

“If you wish to continue as you are, you need to tell them goodbye,” is all Toshinori says in answer.

It’s a dismissal, one that forces a sharp snarl from Katsuki’s throat as he snatches the folder. Shoving it underneath his arm, he turns quickly on his heel.

Not bothering to say goodbye to the Administrator, he storms through the doors, a dull satisfaction tickling around the void in his chest at the loud sound of the heavy oak slamming shut behind him.

Ignoring the sound of his name as Mina calls out to him, Katsuki marches angrily to his apartment on autopilot. It isn’t until he finds himself in his darkened entryway that he finally feels a coolness settling over his skin.

With a low growl trapped at the base of his throat, he throws the folder into the darkness of his apartment before throwing his fist into the wall.

**********************************

[palztothewalls-blog]

It’s the end and the beginning...

“I love the person I’ve become because I fought to become her.”

I’ve made it! Day 14 post op. Thank you for taking this journey along with me. I honestly could never have mustard the strength to do all of this on my own. Here’s a little update of the last few weeks.

Surgery went fairly predictable for being something that has really never been seen. They got to the tumor and it appeared small, until they started removing (decompressing) the bone surrounding it.

(To clear the air of confusion, my tumor from the get go was not going to be removed. It is located in my brain, right at the inner portion of where the ear canal essentially starts. The purpose of leaving the tumor was to provide me the esthetics of having a face with as much normal function as possible. If the tumor was removed, I would have experienced anywhere from 6 months to almost 2 years of severe paralysis that likely would only return to, at best, where I am today with function. So it stays.)

All of the bone was removed and the tumor grew substantially. So in all actuality, my tumor was larger than imaging showed because it was so compressed. When the bone was removed, the tumor expanded greatly in size. My doctor couldn’t give me an exact size but I will find out on my next scan in about six months, just how big it is. All in all, the surgery lasted somewhere between 4-6 hours? I’m not sure. It was a long time.

When I initially woke up, I was quizzed on the basic questions, who was I, where was I, what year, day, month, who was president, how old was I. Basically, I failed them all. Horribly. As you may have read from a previous post, I was a 27 year old unamed woman who had NO idea where she was but I’ll be damned if I got the president right. Obama. Giggles ensued with the staff as they ask again. I was so sure I was right. Shortly after my failed attempt at answering the questions, my family came in the room and I was getting the answers right…. back to ol Trump being the president haha!

So after that challenge, I experienced another, less funny problem. I remember screaming (okay repeating the beautiful word fuck at the top of my lungs) because I was in so much pain. My head hurt, sure, but my biggest complaint was my left shoulder. It was horrible and I was left with minimal function of it. My heart rate was 100-130s and my blood pressure was pretty elevated 150s/90s. Because of all of these complaints, the NP in the ICU had some concerns that I was experiencing symptoms of a heart attack. She had some labs drawn on me, and shocker, they came back elevated. Triponin is a level that shows stress on the heart, and anything >0.12 is indicative of a heart attack. My first level was 0.11. Repeat a couple hours later was 0.12. By this time, it’s the morning after surgery. I had no idea by this time what was going on. The NP came in and told me all of this and said my EKG was normal and long story short, my elevated levels had nothing to do with my heart but was because of the prolonged and aggressive surgery. The levels returned back down to normal on the next draw.

Sometime in the night, about 12 hours after surgery, I had my 18 million IVs saline locked (okay 4), art line out, and foley cath out. I was tickled fucking pink because I was told this would likely be 24 hours after surgery. I was up allllll night walking to the restroom and back. My momma, bless her heart, was up all night with me. It was awesome…. for me to be up and moving. After the heart debacle, I got transferred to the neuro med surg floor and I accepted it as a challenge to get out in 24 hours. I was shot down when I saw the doc in the ICU about the idea of going home, go figure. So I walked my ass off literally all night. Sunday morning, doc came in, took off that horrid compression on my head and gave me the green light to go home. No more than 30 minutes later, 48 hours after surgery, my ass was in the car ready to go. I maaaaaaaay have already had everything packed at like 5 am knowing I was kicking ass haha.

So Sunday was awesome. Monday came. F my LIFE, Monday was hoooooooorrrrrrible. My shoulder pain was pretty much the devil, the pain in my head felt like I had the cast of Drumline in my brain, and I was exhausted. I some how made it through the day knowing Tuesday would be better. WROOOOOONG. It sucked just as bad. Maybe more. But then Wednesday came. And I’ll be darn, I felt alright. This whole time, my parents have been awesome in caring for me, making yummy meals and doing anything and everything to help me. God bless them.

Thursday came and I was ready to go home. From there, it’s only been downhill? Uphill? It’s been awesome. Each day I have felt better and better. My pain is essentially gone. My pre surgery symptoms have almost all disappeared. I no longer feel like I have a 20 pound mass in a 2 pound casing. My memory has finally returned to normal although there are a few things from pre surgery that I can’t remember were real or a dream. I still have pain, but the pain I have is from the trigeminal neuralgia, which is caused by nerve damage (in my case hector pushing on that nerve). I’ll likely always have this pain, but for me, only having this is totally doable.

So, the next step? Hopefully never having to go through this again. If symptoms return, I’ll do the big whammy of a surgery to remove hector and graft a nerve back in the spot. Fingers crossed that never happens!!!

So to finish out what I hope to be my last post about hector, I’m going to share a list I’ve been creating of things you never knew until you have a brain tumor… and surgery. It’s fun to see the progression I made as the list goes on Enjoy!!

Headaches all of the sudden seem scarier because you know they are a sign of a growth in you, of which you have no control over.

People look at you differently. Like long sweet eye gazing looks. Like I have super human powers, or I am so pretty that they can’t stop getting enough of my beauty.

Free stuff. People all of the sudden want to gift you with items, drinks, food. Listen, I am not complaining. This is the best!!

Unsolicited advice. It comes flying in. Try this or try that. Essential oils, rub them on your head. Eat all protein, the ketosis will shrink it. Exorcism. Plexus! Beeeaaacchhh body! Have you tried low carb? How about the spleen of a donkey? Drop it. It’s unsolicited and I don’t want it. Thanks though!

You cry a lot. I mean, I cried a lot prior to my diagnosis because everyone thought I was crazy. Now I cry because I have a flipping brain tumor.

Naming it helps. It really does. Hector is an a-hole. But his little 5 letter name has nothing on me. I’m badass… that’s 6 letters of strength.

Friends and family respond in weird ways. Some look at you like you’re still the same ol spunky ass you are, while others think you’re a delicate flowers, and then those who just can’t even be friends anymore. That’s cool. I don’t need you in my life either, I got this!

That silly cancer “this is my fight” song is all of the sudden totally applicable. Tears. Lots of them. I am a strong woman.

The reality of needing to shave part of your head becomes oh to real. Like my hair?! This?! I JUST grew it out!

“Well thank God it’s not…” “It could be worse.” Literally words you hear constantly but are in no way comforting. True, I’m not going to die tomorrow. BUT, I still have an abnormal growth of cells that, if untreated, will ultimately likely kill me due to pressure on my brainstem. So thank god for that!

Finally having an excuse to stay in. Before people thought I was just making up my fatigue. Now I have a $6000 image to prove why I have fatigue. I should sell that image for art!

It’s like you’re wearing a stamp on your head saying “tell me all your horrible friend/family medical issues.” I’m not sure why this is the case. I mean, it doesn’t help. Should it make me feel better? I’m not sure here.

Blogging is essential. While it means the WORLD to have the support, love, and prayers from everyone, it is extremely exhausting keeping everyone up to date. Blogs fix that. And I happen to love writing so it’s a double win.

Having that “one” friend is key. While people want to support you, they often can’t fulfill the need to your requirements. It’s because they haven’t gone through it. They don’t get it. That’s okay. Find that someone who does get it. They will be your best friend who really gets it. Traci is my gold.

All of your daily fears are gone. Instantly. While I want nothing more than to be a wife and mother, it’s no longer on my mind daily. I just don’t care. Drama is stupid, always has been, but now I really don’t care.

MRIs suck. Bad. Open MRI? Not an option when it’s your brain. And it requires hours of imaging, all the time. I mean, I’m practically a walking nuclear power plant with all of the imaging I’ve had.

Speaking of MRIs. They are loud. Like 10 motorcycles sitting in this tiny little tube with you. And, the beautiful noice makes your insides shake in synchronized rhythm. Word of advice… don’t have one if you have an upset stomach. It’s bad.

You rarely get to wear your own clothes in the MRI. All metal must be out. Usually you get a fashionable moo moo that wraps around 10 times. Super comfy.

Let’s keep on the topic of MRIs. I legitimately feared I was going to be ripped out of this thing by a zombie. Apparently it’s a common fear to have. Who knew?!

You immediately get initiated into this little “special” group of people. I have met people from all over this country within a few weeks. It provides for great friendship and resources for doctors that may fit you well for your specific type of tumor.

Every day, you say to yourself “I have a brain tumor.” Every single day. Initially, it was every second of every day. It was literally all I could think. Now it’s maybe once or twice a day. A random thought about it, mostly just when someone else brings it up, and then move on with life.

It never gets easier to say though. I have a brain tumor. Nope. Never easier. Just starts to roll of the tongue easier lol.

I have a lot of anxiety, now a million times worse knowing what I know.

I really hate talking about Hector. A lot. It makes my anxiety escalate through the roof.

Appointments. The devil. Impending doom. What will the next step be? I certainly can’t sleep before them.

While speaking of appointments, one must paint their toenails before the neurology appointments. It NEVER FAILS, the nurse will say “take off your shoes and socks and the doctor will be right in.”

Then there’s brain surgery. You hope you get some superpower from it. Me? I wanted to come out speaking fluent French or Spanish. No such luck.

Brain surgery really is that bad, initially, but after a few days, life gets better and you start feeling like you again.

Remember that fear of shaving your head? It’s gone after you do it. Now you have a badass scar that provides endless amounts of strength.

I love my scar. It’s beautiful to me. I’m not ashamed, and you should never be ashamed of a battle fought hard, no matter if the scar is inside or outside.

All those appointments you had before surgery, you will still have them, and imaging all the time after. Will it ever stop? No.

Everyone compares their bad days to my bad days, and it helps them feel better. While I am happy my illness helps you have a better day, it doesn’t matter what the battle is, it’s you conquering and moving forward with life.

May you never forget that. Don’t ever compare your battles in life and try to belittle or expand the severity based on someone else’s life. This is your battle, your life. Fight on. Be strong. Have faith. There will come a day when you wake up after the battle is over and find that joy and peace you’ve been searching and asking for.

After 12 ½ years of battling and advocating, I sign off and pray I never have to return to this blog. Much love to you all and Hector, go to hell!

[bigyack-com]

On Twinkle Khanna’s birthday, here are 10 of her hilarious tweets to tickle your funny bone - bollywood

Twinkle Khanna aka Mrs Funnybones, who by her own admission was a ‘terrible actress’, turned columnist a few years ago and gave the country a taste of her incisive wit. Since then, she has written three best-selling books — Mrs Funnybones, The Legend Of Lakshmi Prasad, and Pyjamas Are Forgiving - all of which have generous doses of her signature humour. On her Koffee With Karan debut, Twinkle said that the audience remembers her last release Mela, despite the film being a box-office dud, because of her atrocious performance. “I have done something which nobody has ever seen. *imitates herself* ‘Rupa, aankhein dekho, Rupa...’ That kind of stuff,” she said, adding that she neither had the inclination or aptitude for a career in front of the arc lights. Ever since Twinkle was a teenager, she had been inclined towards writing and back then, she planned to turn author after her retirement. She told Hindustan Times in an earlier interview, “I wrote half a book when I was 18 and in fact Noni Appa (a character in The Legend Of Lakshmi Prasad) was originally part of that book though the protagonist was then an eighteen-year-old granddaughter. I also carried around a black felt file as a teenager that contained all the poems that I had jotted down, primarily about maggots and death. To be honest, the poetry that I dabble with even now, is still rather appalling. I had a plan that I would finally retire to Goa when I was sixty and write a book, it is mere fate that it happened in my forties.” Also read: Kareena Kapoor, Karisma Kapoor run into Varun Dhawan on Swiss Alps, post pic: ‘See who we met!’ Twinkle is her unfiltered and sassy self on Twitter too, and her 5.4 million followers on the microblogging site can vouch for it. As the actor-turned-bestselling author turns 46 on Sunday (December 29), here is a look at some of her funniest tweets:   If Twinkle wasn't bad enough now there is a possibility of getting called Twikky - God help me ! Hahhaha pic.twitter.com/y3u6B3Zrau — Twinkle Khanna (@mrsfunnybones) November 30, 2015   Did I say I never got good reviews?I did and so did my emotive body part!Have to say that 20 years on and the Baadshah couple still have it-SRK has his dimples and I still have that fine navel:)Thanks for sending this and brightening up my day @ManishMalhotra #navelgrazing pic.twitter.com/ruUIHLgtpb — Twinkle Khanna (@mrsfunnybones) August 27, 2019   Just hanging in there! Not happy with hitting the Forbes list- he wants to make a quick 100 pounds here as well :) #GoofingAround pic.twitter.com/XUCRj464dV — Twinkle Khanna (@mrsfunnybones) July 16, 2019   So now I can officially refer to him as my trophy husband :) #NationalFilmAwards https://t.co/VlZhkAN6c0 — Twinkle Khanna (@mrsfunnybones) May 3, 2017   I set off wanting to find myself but two weeks later have discovered that all I want to find now is a cheeseburger:) pic.twitter.com/IRO2t2DrRZ — Twinkle Khanna (@mrsfunnybones) June 3, 2016   Baby:When I am big I want to be like you! Me:Thank you that's so sweet. Baby:I want to be a scary mommy just like you #thismorning — Twinkle Khanna (@mrsfunnybones) January 23, 2016   Salwars are forgiving by nature while jeans really know how to hold a grudge! #PostDiwaliBlues #MithaiOverload — Twinkle Khanna (@mrsfunnybones) November 17, 2015   Salwars are forgiving by nature while jeans really know how to hold a grudge! #PostDiwaliBlues #MithaiOverload — Twinkle Khanna (@mrsfunnybones) November 17, 2015   Me(with leg in cast):when can I start cycling? Dr:Do you cycle daily? Me:Err..I have a stationary bike I hang things on Dr:Next patient plz — Twinkle Khanna (@mrsfunnybones) February 13, 2015   The perfect gift on valentine's day. Will wear it to the first day first show. Beware anyone who stands in my path.. pic.twitter.com/qBrahZXfmf — Twinkle Khanna (@mrsfunnybones) February 7, 2015   Pakistan doesn't need nuclear weapons they can just drop this purple bomb on us #TaherShah pic.twitter.com/uSo2LfDF7s — Twinkle Khanna (@mrsfunnybones) April 9, 2016 Follow @htshowbiz for more Read the full article

[thecrusher007]

Thank you to @sagawards for this amazing honor. It was humbling to be listed alongside so many great nominees who bring the gift of joy laughter to the world. I could not be prouder to be a part of #JenjiKohan s ground breaking and revolutionary vision and part of the @netflix and @oitnb #OrangeFamily with a cast and crew, in front and behind the camera, that works sincerely, from the heart with all of our hearts. We bring you these stories with all of our depth, compassion, honesty, passion and focus. We tell these stories without judgement and unpretenciously, knowing that these men and women represent people that have been oppressed, repressed, suppressed, discarded, abused, mistreated, misunderstood, misjudged, misguided, shamed, silenced, overlooked, vilified and scorned. We asked you to look beyond your initial first impression and preconceived notions to a deeper level of what makes us all the same. What unifies us as a human race. We asked you to open your mind and heart, while occasionally breaking it and tickling your funny bone.. and you did. Through these stories we hoped to create understanding. You saw it..Thank you for taking this journey with us for the past four years. With all my being...Thank you #oitnb #loveaboveall 🙏