#it sucks but yaoi gives me power to keep going

[chorioretinitis]

gay attack!!!!

[mystii-gur0]

Ranting about my headcannons for the Tsaritsa’s relationships with the released Harbingers because I have autism.

I would like to note that I ship her with all the Harbingers (she's bisexual and they're her harem fight me) but for most of them we don't know that much about their personalities or backstories.

I would also like to note that none of these relationships are healthy (especially not her one with Childe for reasons) because yk- she's a cult leader and they're her cultists yk... (so expect a lot of references to emotional abuse because cults do that. Trust me I was in one it sucked.)

In my head, Capitano is one of the Tsaritsa’s favorites, though as time passed she became increasingly more uncomfortable with his physical appearance (yk- he's rotting and all). Although she values him as a person and respects him to an extent, she won't touch him or look at him without his helmet. Any time he tries to express that he feels bad about himself because of this she either dismisses it or makes a snide comment about it. Same as when he tried to tell her that his performance in battle is declining. Yk from rotting.

When it comes to Dottore, she won't interact with any segment that isn't the original (or assuming that the original is dead, whichever is oldest, often causing confusion when the former oldest dies as to why she's suddenly showing interest in him) outside of strictly professional settings. He isn't high on the favoritism scale because even though he's useful to her, she struggles to connect with him (due to both of them lacking empathy, Dottore can't make up for her being incredibly apathetic in the same way Capitano, Childe, and Arlecchino can) so she often chooses to interact with others over him.

The Tsaritsa knows that Arlecchino is distrustful of her, so she's been trying to get her to like her more by giving extra funds to the House of the Hearth and enforcing Arlecchino's demand that Dottore stops messing with her kids (yk, love bombing and all). Arlecchino isn't sure if the others are treated the same way since all of their relationships are incredibly private, but she does suspect the Tsaritsa is just trying to convince her to be more loyal. Arlecchino keeps her distance as much as she can, though she obviously can't outright refuse the Tsaritsa if she wants the two of them to spend time with eachother.

I don't like Scaramouche he's my opp, but oh well. I think the Tsaritsa would've really taken advantage of Scaramouche's mommy issues, like praising him a lot, telling him if she ever had a son she'd want him to be like him at first at least. Hearing things like that from a god was more than enough to sell Scaramouche on joining the Fatui. But once he started imitating Dottore, she lost interest in him (which is why he talks about how she acts nice but is really a crazy bitch now).

For Signora, the Tsaritsa obviously gave her a cryo delusion to counter the whole like- living flame thing and a home when Mondstadt became unsafe, but I love toxic old woman yuri just as much as I love toxic old man yaoi so obviously I can't just leave them alone. I think after a while the Tsaritsa just sort of got bored of Signora and started gifting her things traditionally given to married women despite never actually taking her as an official partner just to fw her. Cause she's mean yk.

Oh my god where do I even start with Childe... I definitely think she treats him the worst out of all the Harbingers because she knows he'll let her and unlike some of them who have physical power equal/almost equal to her own, she knows at the moment he's not really a match for her. Like she gives him affection only when she feels like it so he doesn't start questioning her type shit. I have like a whole list of headcannons but most of them aren't socially acceptable. So I'll just go with she's llike- incredibly verbally abusive towards him, but not in the sense she like- screams at him. Like she'll dehumanize him by calling him a dog or a weapon but frame it as a compliment.

I love evil women ✨️✨️

[cowboy-robooty]

Opinions on shoujos or eroticas?

you mean just the genre of shoujo and general erotica? With shoujo I love it. Shoujo manga makes the world spin 'round. I think one of the most powerful quotes in the world is "why dont you go read some shoujo manga and get some emotions". I adore shoujo but i only like girl x boy when there is girlseme. This may seem offtopic but bare with me here, I dont give a single fuck about queerbaiting. I'm a gay man, so im allowed to say that. I could not care less if the gay couple is canon or not because yeah it sucks that like a company is actively trying to pander without pulling through, but i usually hate pandering yaoi anyways since i will only ship things if god tells me to via divine vision. i dont care i dont need my ship to be canon to keep sailing along. But you know what actually pisses me off? SEME-BAITING. AND OHHH MY GOD IT IS OBVIOUSLY IN YAOI BUT IT IS SO FUCKING ABUNDANTLY PREVELENT IN SHOUJO MANGA IM GAGGING. IT MAKES ME FUCKING SICK. I GET SEME-BAITED SO OFTEN ITS ACTUALLY FOUL LIKE THAT SHIT MAKES ME SO FUCKING MAD IT MAKES ME UNDERSTAND WHY EVERYONE GOT SO UPSET AT VOLTRON. LIKE YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME. YOU CANNOT MAKE MY BEATIFUL GIRLSEME SUDDENLY UKE OUT OF NO WHERE. IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU. i think that girluke is disgusting and foul and genuinely is something i think im incapable of enjoying. All the power to people who can like it, but I am incapable. I love shoujo..... im always looking for more to read... it's just hard bc theres so much seme-baiting... but things have gotten better. Since you guys must have also noticed that a lot of romance anime has shifted towards being anime for lonely teenage boys instead of anime for lonely teenage girls so SQUEE!! BOYUKE!!!!!!

as for erotica i love it why would i not love porn manga? I dont like nor consume real life people porn for a myriad of reasons, but i loooooooooveee drawn shit. I'm yet another statistic proving that people who are by definition "asexual" but dont use the lable (bc its gay) are the freakiest mfs out there.

[chaosk1ng]

Isaac Clarke somehow ended up with the Mandalorians again. I swear I didn't mean for this to happen again.

Fuck, I'm back at it again.

Another Star Wars x Dead Space crossover, this time it’s the original thought process! (I lied, it's the original era I had in mind but not the same thought process.)

So Isaac once again manages to get stuck in a galaxy far far away, only this time it's the prequel era, I’m thinking of the Clone Wars era.

If he’s in Mandalore then he could be mistaken for a new type of Mandalorian or knock off version that neither Death Watch or the New Mandalorians want. The True Mandalorians probably would have mixed feelings, he could be an asset but he’s an unknown party that doesn’t even seem to want to be involved and knows nothing about them despite looking like the Wish version of them. Maybe he accidentally gets involved with their plot, honestly I can’t see him helping Death Watch, the only way they could get him to help would be tricking him but not only do I think they wouldn’t want to be associated with Isaac but also because I think Isaac wouldn’t get tricked that easily by them. Then again, he did go to the Ishimura for his dead girlfriend who he thought was alive, but that was because of the Marker’s influence so that’s a pass. He probably would help the True Mandalorians since the New Mandalorians don’t like armor or violence which would suck for Isaac who just committed a massacre. The mental images of a blood stained Isaac appearing in a crowd of New Mandalorians is hilarious.

If he does get involved with all the Mandalorians jazz that goes on then he can do the other stuff after. Now I wanna expand on Isaac and the Mandalorians. Shootdangit. (Yes, I do mean that to be one word, that’s how I say it irl)

So focusing on this now, Isaac could (should) probably be placed before Jaster’s death (romance? No, not again. Stop giving me potential old men yaoi material. It’s not my fault they wear helmets). Man accidentally stops Jaster’s death if he ended up before it happens, but also consider this, if it’s after then Jango is parentless, Isaac is parentless, Isaac can become a bad influence on this kid. I’m not saying Jango should get adopted by Isaac cause they both now have problems they need to deal with at the moment to even think about that type of thing, but Jango picking up Isaac’s habits is funny to think of. Jango just curb stops everything, and learns curses from Isaac which would be headturners in this universe since they don’t exist, but please let someone say fuck. Jaster doesn’t need to die to have Isaac influencing Jango, I think he could get along with Isaac and understand where he’s coming from and why he’s confused and likely panicked. I was gonna say that maybe Isaac could try and fight Death Watch before Jango’s parents die but I don’t want to deal with the effect that would happen so Jango, it’s easier with Jaster since you still keep the connections and all that but also see how much the years have worn on them. Isaac needs someone to help him learn, if it’s between the three factions then the True Mandalorians.

HOLY SHIT I JUST REMEMBERED ARLA

I was writing a part later in this rant and remembered her and had an idea, Isaac saves Arla before meeting Jaster and Jango and basically adopts her, that or gives her to Jaster. I don’t care if Jaster isn’t their dad in either of the canons, he can be if I will it! I have the power over the canon of MY fic/rant, fuck you Star Wars writers! (jk, I love star wars, just not the crap in this Disney era, some was good tho.) Anyway, if Arla just kinda forces Isaac to adopt her or if something that happens subconsciously then both her and Jango can compete against each other about who has the better dad. Isaac is somehow getting by and Jaster has already been raising this boy for years up until now, you would think that Jaster would win but Isaac has some things on Jaster, like his weapons and modules and literally everything he possesses because I am very willing to bring up the crap his RIG can do. He can store information of different kinds, has a navigation system that has both a map and guide to show him where he needs to go and can store things of all kinds in it, he can survive in space with it and knows how long he can last AND not only walk on any surface while in the vacuum of space but also move however he wants. You can argue the Mandalorians can use their Jetpacks to do the same but my man’s abilities have not been hindered, he weapons all still work the same and so do his modules, the only thing holding him back is the fact he has limited air at a time and has only fought the Necromorphs. This is ignoring the other features the RIG has. Fuck you, he can hold his own decently by my standards which admittedly are not that high. Anyway, the sibling rivalry is real, one of them has a dad who was and is seen by them as the Mand’alor and this deeply traumatized man who only a few days ago just wanted to save his (dead) girlfriend.

Anyway, if he meets a different faction, he could meet the Children of the Watch. In my last rant of ideas with him in the Mandalorian, I had him co-parenting Grogu with Din, in this one Isaac can become a parent again but instead of Grogu it’s Din this time. He could either appear with the Children of the Watch a little before they rescue him or he could appear as they arrive to help. Either way, we can get Din getting raised by Isaac and him reluctantly becoming a parent, once again he could teach him curse words, have people say fuck in Star Wars, it’s fucking funny. I can’t see Isaac becoming a Mandalorian but I can see him having either good or neutral relations with them, some would like him and maybe befriend him for his winning personality but others may just like him for jobs they need done. Anyway, he could have connections to the Mandalorians and somewhat raise Din in that lifestyle, maybe just have it influence him so if he really wants to he could become one in the future. I could see him wanting to because they’re the closest thing to Isaac in the fact that they wear armor all the time and are warriors, he doesn’t need to know Isaac is just running on adrenaline while on fight or flight mode. Imagine his surprise when he finds out Isaac doesn’t actually know what makes a Mandalorian and the fact he’s just an Engineer and his one of a kind weapons are just tools he found, Din doesn’t need to find out about the Necromorphs until he’s older, hell maybe not at all. Point is that he could just have an accidental baby acquisition fic with him fumbling and eventually going into hiding as the Empire forms. Maybe we see his reaction to the Great Purge, maybe he helped a few of the few he was close to, maybe he finds out after it happened by a Mandalorian friend he had that he comforts, maybe he helped a few clans escape, maybe he was there and saw so many die, maybe he was hiding as he saw the terror unfold, either way he would be devastated at the amount of people he knew and their sudden deaths. He could help keep contact between clans since he isn’t Mandalorian and doesn’t look like one, either way he would be an asset to them after the Purge.

Another thing I want to briefly mention here is him meeting Revan, not long but just a little thought. If he went to the Old Republic and met Revan then he would be so confused if he stuck with him or had any form of contact with him. I love Revan and all but for someone like Isaac who has no idea what a Mandalorian, Jedi and Sith are he would be confused as hell to meet him, my man Revan has been all three. I just want to see how confused Isaac can get with Revan.

Anyway, Old Men Yaoi time™! I think I just like shipping masked men with masked men but still. Just like the last rant with the Mandalorian, this is just an excuse to have the two co-parent Jango and Arla. Maybe Arla does become Isaac’s kid and her and Jango think that since they’re both siblings and they both have their own dad that it only makes sense if they finalize it by getting them together. Basically they Parent Trap Jaster and Isaac, maybe the other True Mandalorians help or start a betting pool, some could try and sabotage it so they win said betting pool. Isaac could ask some of the parents of the group about tips in raising a child to which some could point him to Jaster if they’re trying to help get them together since he’s raising her brother, or if they’re trying to stall then they either will give him advice or warn him not to ask Jaster since he might become a father for Arla instead of him. I don’t think Isaac sees this as a problem because he knows they both have shit they have to deal with and he’s sure that he can’t be a proper father figure for her and does go to Jaster regardless who could give him good insight. Jaster could already have a thing for Isaac for saving Arla, his son’s sister who they thought was dead, and saving his life either before or after meeting the True Mandalorians, Isaac could’ve barely found them in time to save Jaster, maybe give him some medpacks so he doesn’t die. This could lead to him admiring or respecting Isaac to keep it platonic or have it also cause him to develop a crush on him and eventually develop as they talk more and get closer, add in the fact he’s raising the sister of your son and it’s already a done deal for Jaster, he will be too far gone while Isaac is hesitant as hell. I would like to say it’s one of those ‘Blank fell first but Blank fell faster’ but if they fell for eachother then it’s ‘Jaster fell fast and hard while Isaac is slowly walking down a slope at a snail’s pace.’ or alternatively, ‘Jaster fell fast and hard while Isaac is slowly climbing down like he has acrophobia.’

Anyway, this derailed again, it was originally gonna just be Isaac fumbling his way through the Clone Wars and somehow helping resolve it, y’know like other crossovers that are just fix-its and have goofy interactions with the characters but it once again ended up with Isaac getting caught up with the Mandalorians. You can see how my views changed as I went on. I need to stop, get me out the kitchen, this ain’t what I meant to cook.

[pespillo]

Proposition - [TOH] Bill/Belos fic

1.025 words , horrid old people make hand holding weird, doomed toxic yaoi

Bill invites Belos to the shrine at night to talk, Bill´s full name is Vasilis, they are unmasked. v

"Follow me" He said to the emperor and walked over behind a curtain, Belos followed through with his royal mask left on the other elder´s makeshift throne .

Down an illuminated elevated hall there stood an altar, idolatry to a sun shaped face decorated in blue and yellow hues, and surrounded by almost endless piles of skulls, different from the usual witch or demon he's come to known, not strewn across but meticulously piled onto each other to maintain integrity, candles lit up sporadically but mostly around the table by the altar, and in front of it some steps leading towards it.

Bill stood still on the middle of the steps, gloved claws held around his back.

"I must say, you have an eye for presence."

 Belos spoke, eyeing at the organization, wondering if he could make something out of the discarded pieces of failed guards at the Titan´s head, would it do anything? would it mean anything, they were not supposed to mean anything, once it dies the soul turns back from its vessel, that's the purpose. But Vasilis personal shrine seemed to emanate something to him, he couldn't help to inquire what was this feeling,

"Im proud of what i have built, it's a monument to us all as much as it is to the Grand Huntsman" there he went, the Huntsman, a god-like figure that would grant wishes and fortune to all who give it proof of the slaying of the Titans.

"Did the huntsman grant you all life?" a question escaped his lips, upon trusting himself with the trappers, he finally felt somewhat at ease in a house of hunters to talk of faith, it had been decades since he last spoke of faith, the Collector was no use of it, they were entirely too childish and seemed to feel above the thoughts of the mortals, or well, only seemed to be interested in the feats of Bible men and miracles, the only sort of thing "similar" enough to magic to the creatures of the demon realm

"The titans... tie us to this wretched world, they give us the land that we walk on so that they clutch us with their horrendous claws, forcing us to become part of them," Bill rambled on tightening his fist and looking down towards him with that piercing single blue eye, grinding his teeth

"The Huntsman grants something greater, infinite like the skies, powers beyond any low demon sucking the marrow out of the bones of this world" he had a tongue for prose, his expression softened with fondness as he turned around.

"He doesn't need to give us life when he offers something more beautiful beyond it, right?" His smile was earnest but the look in his eyes was wide and crazed, blue eye reflect with his own blues, human spirit in an ugly witch shell, he thinks, even if it's at the wrong side, at the wrong heaven, the ambition is there.

"Do you wish for salvation?" Belos found himself saying, maybe it's the moon, the influences of lunacy, to be alone and find someone who speaks a prayer you have not heard in centuries, he longs for a church, a true one,

"What a - You're not trying to sell me anything right? I already said im not

going to join the Titan´s dogma!" the short man accused while going over a step, Belos walking forward -ugh, the idiot- he thought , almost scrambling to explain himself before Bill talked his head off 

"No-" Belos reached out and Bill stepped away from touch, keeping his false claws to himself, the tall man took a look at his own hand and then, digit to digit, carefully took off his armored glove, Bill looked down at that arm and hand, not so scarred, Belos always made sure to not show off the carved markings over his flesh in his other arm.

Vasilis just stared at that naked hand, "Is there glory in salvation too?"

his posture relaxing, an examination that Philip may have not been aware of, the moon peeks over the clearing of the roof, he's distracted by the glow of the man's eyes, his glances back at his own hand again and back at him, when did a dead heart decide to drum?

Bill reaches over carefully, just with the slightest touch, and Belos grabs onto the clawed digit, pulling it off the witch's hand, the man letting him undress it to reveal that smaller palm, he examines it himself; not a single sunspot and smoothed over as if time didn't touch it, fervor jealousy and fascination bubbles up, how? his mind starts wandering off to figure out, is it what The Huntsman promises them?

he speaks with careful method, to sway the witch lower to him back again, he has answers if he hears them out,

"There is always glory in what lies beyond, i know it, that's the promise He makes for all of us" He in this case his own god, the Holy Father of humanity, but Vasilis doesn't have to know, he doesn't have to know anything more than the coldness of his roughed hand,the prickling against the skin of his naked hand, there's nothing there, its beyond what's natural, it reminds the witch of a feeling almost forgotten but something that fills him with vigor to continue on this mission. The celestial touch living in the dusty corners of his mind.

"We could light a beacon with this world, don't we?" the elder smiles meeting Philip´s face, was he willing to smile back?

"It'll shine and burn so bright He is bound to find us and take us to the heavens." The emperor gripped that man's hand, almost with the will to scratch it, taint it, bring it down to his level, but he wanted him to believe he was a messenger of the stars, so not yet. 

In a way it was a half-truth, would he hate him if he told him the truth, that he's keeping the Huntsman away from him and gaining their favors?

He doesn't have to know. It's more beautiful when he doesn't know.

[godkilller]

will u share some gin aizen gossip?

          GIN'S GOSSIP WITH @keikakudori‘s AIZEN:

Whether or not Shinji used a bowl to cut his bangs

Yamamoto definitely had a lover he doesn’t ever talk about with anyone else or carry records of existing and they’ve gathered that it’s not anyone who’s in the Seireitei  ( or possibly alive anymore ) 

Why does Tessai wear sunglasses even at night????

I bet I can pretend to be you for a day, put yer illusion over me ‘n make me you, do it, coward, you won’t

I freaked Rukia out today just by stoppin’ by to say hi to Byakuya, do you think I should lighten up or double down on creepin’ only her out?

Renji’s either in love with Rukia or wants to impress Byakuya into loving him by being an amazing guy with his sister-in-law,

Before we go out tomorrow, I think them Reiatsu concealing cloaks should have hoods on’em so we can hide our hair, I dunno bout you but I have a bit of a memorable array of features -- not everybody can jus’ pop their glasses off like Clark Kent y’know,

Oh, now we gotta show you those comics, cap’n,

Wouldn’t it be funny if that Quincy girl from that night with th’ White hollow and Isshin eventually fell in love?

We oughtta watch out for more Quincy messin’ up our experiments

Did Hiyori kick Urahara or Shinji in the crotch today?

Are Rose’s eyebrows are simply stuck like that

When Byakuya will finally confess to Rukia about Hisana  ( Gin’s known Byakuya since they first became captains together and presumably beforehand too, so yes, he knew about Hisana -- and you know Aizen likely did too )

A running bet on who would come out as gay first, Izuru, Renji, or Shuuhei

Who they could take in a fight the fastest out of the entire Gotei 13

Renji’s receding hairline tattoos

Does Hisagi know what his facial tattoo means?

Sex talk: who’s banging who -- y’all are heathens and they both know what you’re doin’ in the dark, and we definitely can tell who hasn’t seen a boob before

Laughing about how Toshiro had a voice crack during a meeting, ‘they grow up so fast’

How many times they can allude to kind of disliking one another in public as an inside joke to actually working together without raising any eyebrows but still planting the seed for later on when Gin’ll pretend he killed Aizen

Whilst observing Ichigo during a filler arc post-betrayal: Ichigo’s probably failing all his classes at school, ain’t he?

The Espada, dumbest to smartest / most useless to most useful / most likely to know what the word ‘pedagogically’ means / most to least likely to get laid / most to least likely to live through the war / most to least likely to kiss Aizen’s feet if he asked / most to least likely to enjoy that

Is Orihime stronger than god or is she just a distraction to split up the Gotei 13? How about both!

After Tousen chops off Grimmjow’s arm: ‘Wow, do y’think Tousen’s gettin’ a lil... outta hand?’  ( Aizen groans )  ‘I dunno why he got so up’n arms about that!’  ( Aizen groans louder ) ‘you oughtta put yer .... hand.... down ‘bout that behavior -- no okay that one sucked.’

When will Ichigo confess his feelings to any one single person in his damn life, or will he just keep only knowing how to coherently convey his emotions via conflict and battle that he isn’t even that good at handling, he’s just a tough kid with a decent amount of power who doesn’t know how to give up -- hey maybe you shouldn’t fuck ‘round with another person’s life so much, cap’n, it’s kinda a dick move.

Once you’ve become the new Soul King, what’ll you change first?

Ulquiorra’s trying to understand the concept of love and it’s like a Twilight movie out here

Gin proceeds to show Aizen Twilight

Is Shunsui ever going to admit he’s bisexual

Ukitake should wear a bib so when he starts coughing blood he has a bib to catch it, hey don’t lookit me like that I’m right ‘n you know it,

Does anyone know what the fuck they’re doing?

Does Ichigo realize that if he’s in his Bankai state, he doesn’t need to announce his Bankai’s name / phrase each time he wants to release an attack?

Well, it’s what he gets for takin’ a crash course in trainin’ from Urahara

What if ya lose, whatcha gonna do then? Think you’re ready to die in th’ next week or two? Oh, can ya pass th’ sugar?

Hey, do ya remember how many times Toshiro said he was gonna kill ya? And then he didn’t? That was funny

Who has the biggest yaoi hands

Who do you wanna fuck besides me ‘n Shinji?

Hypothetically, if I were to kill you, would you get mad at me for it?

... AND MUCH MUCH MORE!

[fizzingwizard]

Another Sunday, another episode of Digimon Adventure: (how tf do I do punctuate??). It is a good time to be a fan of Yagami Taichi.

I remember being 11 years old, the last episode of Digimon Adventure made be bawl my eyes out, and although I was excited for 02, really I just wanted more of Adventure. I guess I’m just slow to like new things (well, I am), but I would have super happy if the producers had been like, “02 will be a reboot for Adventure with the same characters and similar storyline.” And then do the same thing for every new Digimon season xD I’m sure I’m pretty damn alone in that opinion and don’t get me wrong, I love 02, and I think Tamers was good. And yet xD

^The screenshot that sums up the episode: Greymon gets his butt kicked while Taichi hangs on for dear life

I know the bond between children and Digimon is what powers them, and I’m kind of wondering if having a physical connection improves that in this show, because these kids are always riding around on their partners. (Not able exception - Togemon, because ouch. But I expect to see Mimi on her boxing glove at least lol) I have to rationalize it that way because otherwise it’s like why would having an elementary school kid on your head while you rush into the line of fire count as a battle strategy

This ep picks up pretty much where we left off, which means it’s probably only been hours since Yamato joined the group at the fortress. Already the atmosphere is completely changed.

I can see them, but they can’t see me... Ishida Yamato’s modus operandi

more below

Here is a very Digimon-esque tableau: everyone gathered around Koushirou and his computer. Yamato still being standoffish. I imagine he jumped at the chance to stand guard at the entrance so he doesn’t have to get too close to anyone.

Agumon’s fight with MetalTyrannomon went... not so great. Yamato coolly tries to explain to Taichi that evacuating was the only way, otherwise they’d risk all being destroyed, and that would be the end of everything.

Taichi’s fist tightens and begins to shake...

... he doesn’t look like he totally agrees with Yamato’s reasoning, but he doesn’t have a better idea. But, being Taichi, he can’t just let it rest.

Yamato talking to Taichi’s back while Taichi frantically starts to sort out his Feelings is just how they communicate. This is a common shonen anime trope for the hero and his foil. Yamato’s pushing, Taichi’s not exactly hiding, but he doesn’t want to face him until he can face him with resolve.

Yamato: Look at me. Look at me!

Taichi: *sweating* It feels like a hole’s burning in the back of my neck, so... I’ll pass

Taichi finally explains out what’s got him so knotted up: he regrets Ogremon’s death. Like we saw last episode, the battle that began as revenge turned into a battle of samurai pride. And Taichi is evidently a samurai. He wanted to see that battle to the finish, out of mutual respect for the opponent (who he’d never met before and who had been trying to kill him previously... but y’know when you’re kindred spirits that’s all water under the bridge)

Yamato doesn’t really get it. This is where these two are fundamentally different. Taichi attac, Yamato protec, then everybody gets a FIGHT!

I mean, not 100% of the time, but the bottom line is Yamato’s not so big on this pride thing, although he does have pride of his own. But he’s definitely not into taking unnecessary risks, especially if it puts his friends in danger. The trouble is, Taichi doesn’t think he takes unneccessary risks either... just necessary ones ;)

The other kids can already feel the tension increasing and Taichi and Yamato haven’t even raised their voices at each other yet. Lol buckle up kiddos

Jou wonders if he should make them stop, and Mimi instantly turns around and begs him to try. My Joumi heart LEAPT.

TBH I was surprised she did anything at all, I was expecting Jou’s “Should I break them up?” to just end there with nothing happening. Instead we got an adorable Joumi moment where Mimi shows that as much as she teases him, she already somewhat relies on Jou (to be fair, I do think Mimi’s the type to rely on anyone who offers when she’s not sure what to do herself). Jou, being Jou, is unprepared aaaaand wigs out.

Jou: Oh no oh no oh no she actually expects me to get between them?!?! But but I flunked Tough Guy school! That’s literally why I’m a nerd! This girl’s trying to throw me to the wolves!

Fortunately for Jou, he has a redheaded savior.

Sora: Stop it. He’ll wet his pants again and I don’t have any more extras.

Sora shows her insight into people’s hearts and understands that Taichi and Yamato need to hash things out. It’s not dangerous... yet. But the way she’s more or less frozen in place along with the others says she’s... maybe a bit on her guard, at least, lol.

Koushirou, being Kousihrou, is completely oblivious to all of this and focused on his computer.

Oh yeah... the real reason Taichi turned his back to Yamato earlier - whenever they look directly at each other, they suck each others souls out. I CALL BODY SWITCH

I mean jogress

I mean marriage

They spend like the entire first half of the episode arguing omg get a room.

Then... Agumon wakes up!

And even though it’s a cartoon, it’s clear to see the way Taichi’s body fills with relief. I wonder if Yamato didn’t realize or didn’t think Taichi was that worried about Agumon. 99 Yamato tended to feel that Taichi was insensitive to others. But while he can be, Taichi also doesn’t express his emotions in the same way as Yamato. They’re both wont to hide how they feel, but while Yamato goes quiet and aloof, Taichi just acts like everything’s normal. So maybe here, Yamato really thought Ogremon and MetalTyrannomon were the only things on Taichi’s mind. Just a guess.

Awwww montage of cute...

a boy and his dinosaur!!

Maybe to Yamato’s surprise, Agumon totally echoes Taichi’s feelings about Ogremon. “I wanted to settle the score with him.” Weird as it sounds, they made a manly bond with Ogremon and running away just doesn’t sit right. Agumon’s raring to go...

... but his stomach isn’t quite ready yet hahaha.

Yamato’s probably used to Gabumon’s appetie but I suspect Agumon’s tummy growl has errr exceptional resonance

Glad to see the return of the Digimon’s bottomless pit aka stomach. I think it was just last week I complained about that not really being a thing so far. This time it was the other Digimon who went gathering, but I hope to see the human kids rushing around in a frenzy to care for their partners’ appetites soon lol

While the others eat, Taichi and Yamato decide they haven’t finished vampiring each other’s souls and sneak out to the mouth of the cave. Sora follows them to see if she can watch any hot yaoi action.

Lol but I do really like the framing heart. All we can see of the boys is their shadows. Sora keeps her distance but she’s watching them intently from a distance. I assumed she was just gathering more data on how short a leash she needs to keep them on.

Turned out that was not quite correct... reluctant to interrupt though she’d been before, once they start talking about what to do next she adds her input. We’ve got Yamato on Taichi’s one side and Sora on his other side. It’s the beginnings of TAIORATOOOOO *more airhorns*

^I can’t see anything but Goku and Vegeta bahahaha. Also why is eleven-year-old Yamato SO broad-shouldered, between that, his deeper voice, and his perfeclty coifed hair Taichi must seem like a toddling infant to him bahahaha. Like come on Yamato is not a child you must be kidding

Already Yamato is getting into the habit of Looking At Taichi while Taichi Looks At Literally Anything Else.

These two don’t need words. They talk with their vampiric eyes.

Koushirou’s hyper focus on his computer finally pays off and they all gather back around. Everyone starts cheering when the hologram appears even though they don’t know what the heck it is. This is Koushirou, so it must be awesome!

It turns out to be a map of much usefulness.

And it turns out Ogremon was telling the truth about the path to the holy Digimon being straight ahead, while fires Taichi up even more.

^Obligatory ‘Gomamon is cutest Digimon’ cap

Koushirou also gives Taichi special data on MetalTyrannomon, including his weak point. Taichi is THRILLED. He’s happier about this than he is about finding the route to the holy Digimon. This is the difference between Taishiro and Taito guys. When Taichi gets a reckless idea, Yamato tries to talk him down, or at least be sensible about it. Koushirou? Koushirou is a FREAKING ENABLER.

They wait with baited breath for Yamato’s reaction. Though he seems underwhelmed, Yamato admits Koushirou’s information “does seem reliable.” That’s all the permission Taichi needs to go back to freaking out over how awesome Koushirou is.

They come up with a plan to lure MetalTyrannomon away so Taichi can fight him while the others take the chance to escape and head towards the path to the holy Digimon.

^Obligatory ‘Sora is best girl’ cap

Yamato waits for the others to get away before following after... he stalls for a minute as if unsure whether it’s really alright to leave Taichi on his own. In the end he joins the group... All things considered, I think he’s pretty thrown off by Taichi, tbh.

Yamato’s group doesn’t make it far before they encounter a very suspicious looking lake.

^More evidence that Yamato is not really an elementar school kids. He’s clearly at least 15. He’s been routinely failing every year in order to get held back until he can be in the same class as Takeru. That’s the extent of his overprotectiveness

It sure is fortunate that Koushirou’s genius extends to fluency in English or they’d have no idea this lake of dark mist is bad friggin news.

Or... maybe they would have:

Mimi sneaks behind Jou and pulls his middle school exam workbook out of his bag.

And immediately chucks it into the lake.

Where it disintegrates.

This is how Mimi’s mind works. She’s smart! They need to know what would happen if they went into the lake without actually going in it. So they need to put something else in first. So far so good. What should she throw? A stick? A rock? One of Sora’s endless towels?

No, Jou’s workbook. Duhhh.

She probably felt she was killing two birds with one stone here x’D Experiment complete, and Jou prevented from anymore whining about not having time to study. Mimi is chaotic good.

gosh I love Joumi

Jou is lawful neurotic

Greymon shielding Taichi is just soooo cute even if it still feels weird that he has to be up there in the first place

The battle rages between MetalTyrannomon and Greymon, who just won’t quit even though he’s losing... pretty bad... I mean...

He just grabbed a missile with his bare hand...

Taichi: Now I know what it’s like to be a firework

Loop-de-loop! Taichi’s suction cup shoes strike again.

Courage going UP!! Reaching a fever pitch! The evolution that’s been looming for two episodes finally happens!

MetalTyrannomon: Eat my dust!

Woooooooo, MetalGreymon is just as freaky as ever. Always my least favorite evolution in Agumon’s line, but the glowy purple wings are cool.

Also, nipple missiles.

MetalTyrannomon: I can’t believe I was beaten by some meddling kids!

So yeah, we are back to killing Digimon willy-nilly. None of this “but what about their hearts?” shitck. Always found it amazing in 02, a children’s cartoon, that said “Yeah the characters you loved last season were totes murderers but it was justified and sometimes you just have to kill.” And fourteen-year-old Taichi is just like, “Yeah, I’m a murderer, and you should be too.” XD And Miyako hits LadyDevimon with a skateboard. Priceless

This scene is adorable but Taichi’s butt looks so saggy.

I’m kind of wondering how evolution works in this show. They jumped right to jogress in like episode two or something, but we haven’t seen it since (I would sort of expected Taichi to think of it when it was clear MetalTyrannomon was too strong, though I would also expect Yamato to nix that idea both because he doesn’t want to and because to him it’s a pointless fight and not the priority). Since then, the Champion level evolutions went similar to 99 Adventure, with everyone getting their special episode, and I’m sure that’s how it’ll go down with the next level too, but there was no gap at all between going from one level to the next. I’m trying to say, they seem able to reach the next level awfully fast. They didn’t need to meet Gennai and collect the tags and Crests, the Crests appear already uploaded in their Digivices. I’m not complaining, as always I’m glad this show is not just a carbon copy of the old one, but I am curious if evolutions are easier to attain in this series, or if there are going to be more of them and that’s why they come so quick, or if the series just won’t run long enough for there to be significant gaps of time between evolutions.

Episode ends with the group deciding, like I predicted last week, to split up and try the Left and Right routes, since the Straight one is blocked. Gays go right and lesbians go left, of course. :P

This episode was pretty fantabulous, I loved it, Digimon is awesome.

Next week it’s no surprise what we’re gonna get.

WeeeeereGarurumon! Also my least favorite evolution of Gabumon’s line but still cooler than MetalGreymon hahahaha.

I’m also totally stoked for the grouping of Yamato, Jou, and Sora. There’s tons of potential for Yamato and Sora to bond, although my prediction is that while he’ll pretty much like her (even if he won’t admit it to himself), she’s going to find him a little difficult. But she’ll have an easier time talking to him than the others do. I also fully expect Jou to drive Yamato out of his mind lol.

This also means the other group is Taichi, Koushirou, and Mimi. I assume we won’t see too much of them next week, but I hope that means they’ll get their episode the week after, because I am dying for some Taishiro moments. Practically salivating. Also, Koumi fans can probably look forward to Mimi and Koushirou Not Getting each other too, lol

[othercat2]

Writing Update, Bunny, and Snippet(s)

So! While searching for porn I found a series called Taming Riki on Amazon, which is apparently original fan fic of Ai no Kusabi. It is not very good fan fic, and only semi okay porn. It reminded me very much of the kind of yaoi porn one used to be able to find on LJ in the early 2000s. I did end up reading it, but was very impatient with it. (Writer, have you ever actually met human beings? I wonder!)

This somehow led to reading Ai no Kusabi fan fic. Which was very odd since I was not impressed with the Ova! (I am probably not going to read the novel(s) since they apparently end in Bury Your Gays Under Piles of Rubble.) Anyway, the AnK fan fic seems to tend toward the "rewrite canon so characters survive" variety. And is often quite optimistic that the mains could have a relationship.

Bunny 1: Due to the part where Iason "Why is my surname a Mustelid, it must be because I fuck like Weasels" Mink is an android he was never actually in danger because all you need to do is down load a backup. Problem: he keeps crashing because Riki was made of meat, and he does not know how to grieve. Jupiter POV as they/it/she tries to get Iason back to operational parameters. (Ricky don't you lose my number plays ironically in the background.)

Bunny 2: Almost exactly like AnK except with Homestuck style quadrants. So much quadrant vacillation. SO MUCH.

Speaking of Homestuck, I've been working on Rebel and Conqueror! I have also been working on Pernstuck, and the next installment of The Yiling Almanac ("the young master most likely to be found disappearing into the kitchen garden") Wei Ying's love of potatoes is featured. (I need to find Ursula Vernon's rant on potatoes.) I've also managed to get some writing done on Build a Life from Scratch. However, I'm slightly frustrated because I can't segue over the GHB/Signless debate. And I hate debates.

Snippet the First: (Rebel and Conqueror)

Trolls had all kinds of mind control powers. They could terrorize you into catatonia or turn you into a puppet. It depended on the caste though. Lower castes tended to have telekinesis powers, higher up the scale started to be telepathy and fear projection. At the very top it was mostly resistance to the mind control powers (and you suspected, regeneration and other weird shit you've only heard rumors about). It probably made sense to trolls to keep you away from Vantas, if things like what happened to you happened a lot. “He’s fuchsia,” you say, and even as you say it, you know it’s a stupid thing to say. Vantas doesn’t need to have been the one to fuck with your head, with or without the pheromones. “Is there any proof he had anything done to my head? Aside from fucking with it just by being his normal asshole self?”

“No evidence was found in the initial investigation,” the Dolorosa admits.

"So he didn't do anything," you say. "So I think I should get to see him sentenced." You pause, looking down at your hands. "For closure. Since I'm not allowed to be in contact with him anymore." The Dolorosa gives you an odd look. It's part concern and part curiosity, and you realize what you said might sound like. "It isn't Stockholm Syndrome," you tell. "I don't feel dependent on him for safety or something." You just want to know what's going on with him. "And don't ask if I want to see him, because that opens the entire do you want to be his kismesis can of worms, and the answer to that is still and will always be fuck no."

The Dolorosa smiles a little at that. "That's understood," she says. "Would you want to be in contact? From what I understand that also seems to be an issue."

"So, troll doctors don't have confidentiality?"

"I think you've made it clear that it's an issue outside Doctor Coyotl's office," the Dolorosa says. "It would be hard to keep common knowledge confidential." Her tone is dry. "Wanting to see him doesn't necessarily correlate to wanting to be in a kismesis with him."

"I want to see him," you say. "I don't know about contact. Maybe I want to ask what he thought he was going to do, raising my kid and screwing with me at the same time. How he thought that was going to work. What was he going to tell my kid about me, if he thought he was going to get away with it. Maybe I want him to delete that fucking 'I hate you' wall he has. Maybe I want to point and laugh at all the 're-education' he's going to go through."

"He already knew he wasn't going to get away with it," the Dolorosa says.

"What's the Black Tower like?" you ask, veering slightly off the subject.

"A prison," the Dolorosa says. "Or in some ways a hospital. I'm sure Pyrope has explained some of the details."

"Re-educated, supervised visits, supervised everything, Earth still conquered but the Viceroy can't have a hate boyfriend, yeah."

"Among other possible punishments," the Dolorosa says. "But those are the most likely." She pauses. "Are there any penalties you'd prefer?"

"Be pretty stupid for me to ask for execution, wouldn't it? Maybe ironic after all the effort not to kill me." Probably also stupid to suggest it to his grandmother, but she asked. "Maybe freedom for Earth and he doesn't have command of anything bigger than one of those ships you stick in a bottle. But freedom isn't on the table either."

The Dolorosa doesn't lecture on the benefits of imperial rule. Instead she says, "Dr. Coyotl mentioned that you had been losing a considerable amount of time during your captivity." She decaptchalogues a data grub, and sets it down on a low table by the couch. It's stubs around a couple inches before curling up, mandibles opening and shutting. You absolutely do not want to pick it up. "This data grub contains the complete security footage from your time on the then-Viceroy's ship. After viewing this, we can discuss if and when you can see him."

"I have to watch the home movie if I want to see him?" you ask. The Dolorosa nods. You know that you're stalling. (You still don't want to pick the data grub up.)

"You can watch it on your own, or with your partner, Rose Lalonde," Dolorosa says, and gets to her feet to leave.

"Wait," you say. She gives you an inquiring look. "So, if this is the complete footage, that's a lot of hours. What's the amount of hours before you'll let me see Vantas?"

"At least seventy two hours within a twenty four hour time frame," Dolorosa says.

"Okay."

Something resembling manners has you get up and follow her to the door, and see her out. When she's gone, you lean against the bulkhead and shudder all over, face in your hands. You slide down the bulkhead to the deck. Take it in steps. There was a computer in the corner of the living room, built into a desk. It wasn't too organic or alarming in appearance. Get the grub to the computer, and open the files. Did you really want to watch it on your own? Did you want Rose there, knowing how badly she wanted to kill Vantas? (It takes a moment to wrap your head around the way the argument wants to phrase Rose's presence as a negative. You don't want me her to be hurt. You don't want her to hurt Vantas.) Did you want to watch it, already knowing what you were going to see? (All the parts you couldn't remember and all the parts you could.)

"This is bullshit," you say, half hoping for a comment from the intercom. "You're hoping I don't watch, which will prove I shouldn't see Vantas." You don't get an answer.

With cringing fingers you pick up the grub (soft squashy urgh) drive and stick it in the port. As the drive opens you send a message to Rose: so i have umptybillion hours of video footage to go through before they'll let me see vantas please come hold my hand. You don't get an immediate reply, so you start going through the files.

You see that you have lots of raw footage. As far as you can tell, no editing was done at all. You are going to be doing a lot of skipping and fast forwarding, is what you're saying. Opening the first file, you get started. It starts with him getting you into his ship, and his quarters. Your hands clench as you watch yourself wake up, the combination of anger and panic on your face as he fucks you, how it turns to lust and desperation. You fast forward.

You fast forward a lot. A lot of this, you remember, and don't much want to go over it again. From a third person perspective, it's weird watching him with you. Watching you with him. (You don't remember the times you tried to make a shank--three times--or biting him as often as you as you actually did.) You can see the moments of concern or confusion on his face, see him arguing with Egbert and Harley. Or meeting some official. (Those are the times when you can remember having been locked in your room. )

Snippet the Second: (Build a Life from Scratch)

After some more talk you all break camp and head west. As you all walk, you stretch your Aspects out, figure out what they can do. It's at least half way to sense for danger, half to practice. You might lay down a "beat" that Redglare joins in on, that Disciple sings along to, that Zahhak hums absentmindedly. Or Jade and Signless have a "song" that Dolorosa joins in on, accompanied by Disciple. Demoness can sound like an entire choir, with Highblood coming in over the top, "sounding" something like a theremin crossed with a bass fiddle. Dave joins in, and Roxy, doing odd little solos or "duets" with one of the trolls, or with Jade.

The next few nights not much happens. The terrain is uneven, the sky is endless, and the air is muggy and damp. There are a few high-flying clouds that disappear by morning. You can see mountains in the distance, and the glinting snake of a river edged with trees. On the third day, you get closer to the river, it starts to get cloudier and the wind kicks up. In the early evening, you can see the wall of an approaching storm. It's a solid green-black wall, and you can see the trailing mists of rain as it dumps down, along with flickers of lightning. "Well, that's going to suck when it gets here," you say.

At the same time you hear this huge sliding crunch off to the side. Exactly like someone pulled up a whole hell of a lot of chunks of ground, all at once. You turn in that direction and see huge chunks of dirt and rock floating around Jade and the Demoness. "Hopefully we can make it suck less!" Jade says cheerfully. The chunks orbit Jade and Demoness as they began to quickly create a shelter. Everyone helps with pounding the dirt and rocks into a rough shelter big enough to hold everyone plus the not-horses. Demoness and Jade (with help from Alter Dave and Dolorosa) smooth out the inside and make everything solid and waterproof.

You all get inside as the storm hits. Roxy pulls out a couple of battery powered lanterns, and sets them up. "Getting better at that," you say.

She grins. "This trick's kind of fun," she says. "Watch." She shows you everything she can make appear, and then disappear. She starts with green cubes, then goes on to various toys, a pair of shoes, a laptop computer, a 3rd Edition Dungeon and Dragons Player's Handbook and DM Handbook. And various sets of dice. And a DM screen. "So, how about a game?"

"That game's for nerds," you scoff.

She rattles one of the clear tubes of dice at you. "Dirk, you are in fact a nerd." She tosses the tube at you, and you catch it reflexively. She also tosses one at Alter Dave, who steps back and lets it fall.

"Nah," he says. "I want to be Debbie."

Roxy laughs, eyes a little bright. "Rose had a brief stint of leaving Chick Tracts in odd little places. I covered the door to her bedroom with a print of The Time of the Dark."

"The one with the wizard sitting in the kitchen with can of beer?" You ask.

"Yep!"

"Mean," Dave says. "Isn't Hambly kinda homophobic?" Quickly. "Not that I would know, except from what my Rose might have ranted about a time or two because she's read a few of the writer's series. I'm way too cool for wizards."

"Wizards are extremely cool," Roxy says. "And I'm not sure one way or another, except yes, if she had written certain books today the way she had then, she would be up to her ears in angry letters and tweets, because holy crap."

It turns out trolls also have roleplaying games. Redglare, Disciple and Signless join in. To your surprise, so does Demoness. Highblood, the Dolorosa and Zahhak do not.

[lilydescend]

Dear domeyashiro! ^_^

Hello! ��:)

First of all I’d like to thank you for sharing  your thoughts with us – your interpretations are very in-depth and a great inspiration!

However I have doubts about something you wrote, it was in your reply to somebody’s question about Yashiro’s words from ch. 36: “What I gave up at that time is still here/in this world”. You wrote: “He only gave him up, because he wanted him to be safe”.

I must say I understood Yashiro’s decision to break up with Doumeki completely differently. To me his main motivation was an urge to run from the situation he felt he couldn’t handle. We can see this urge throughout their whole love scene, in fact from the moment Yashiro discovers that Doumeki may actually feel something for him. I had the impression that the mere thought that his feelings for Doumeki may be mutual brought him close to panic. As if being loved didn’t fit into his own concept of himself – a sex-crazed masochist who only gets satisfaction from being abused. He even says it in his thoughts later that if he were to accept this love it would mean the end of his current way of life, which he seems to consider the only way to cope with his trauma or rather to go around it. Having sex with Doumeki made him completely helpless, vulnerable like a child and must have touched him to the core since it brought back the most painful memories and reopened old wounds. And I think that’s what he’s really running away from – truly dealing with his trauma, because to be able to accept somebody’s love you have to believe that you deserve being loved, not just mistreated and abused. And for Yashiro that would mean accepting the fact the he IS a victim and that as a child he was hurt and betrayed by those closest to him in the most horrible way possible. I don’t think he’s ready for it, nor ready to give up the illusion that he’s got over his trauma and even has power over it - talking so lightly about it, and taking pleasure in rough sex which often looks just like replaying his childhood experiences.

I agree that during the conflict with Hirata Yashiro tried to do everything to put Doumeki out of danger and direct confrontation with that ruthless man, but  I think there’s more to his behavior. The way Yashiro treats Doumeki after their night together is so cruel that it’s hard to believe he does it only to protect him. In my opinion Yashiro really wants to hurt Doumeki, punish him for all that happened – for leading to a situation where he has to get rid of him, for letting him taste what love and real closeness may feel only to realize that he can’t take it without turning his whole life around, and most of all for falling in love with someone like him, who - as he says later - was broken from the start. This destructive drive can be heard in his words, when he says he wants to destroy all happiness and beauty and hurt those dear to him. And when he put a gun to Doumeki’s head, I think he was really considering pulling the trigger.

If Yashiro’s main concern was to protect Doumeki, then why didn’t they get together after Hirata was dealt with and the whole conflict was resolved? The main threat in their lives disappeared, they weren’t in any immediate danger anymore. Yashiro was supposed to distance himself from his group and seemed to be free to do whatever he wanted for the time being. So if he really wanted to be with Doumeki, he could engage himself in some less dangerous business, keeping them both safe.

Besides what guarantee Yashiro had that Doumeki would go back to the normal life? After all Doumeki showed a great devotion to him and complete disregard for his own safety, coming to his rescue even after he was told he’s unwanted,  when he could barely walk after Yashiro shot him twice (and could easily make him handicapped for the rest of his life) and put the gun to his head. The guy is obviously stubborn and sticks to his convictions. And Doushinkai isn’t the only yakuza group, it must have crossed Yashiro’s mind that Doumeki may just end up in another gang.

The bottom line is: if Yashiro wanted, he could keep Doumeki safe another way, he’s smart and resourceful enough for that. Instead he pretends he doesn’t remember him and effectively gets rid of him from his life, which to me was his main objective.

Anyway this is how I see it, thank you for reading (sorry this post is so long!). I’ll be happy to hear your thoughts about this matter!

PS I’m quite new to the fandom, but have been  a fan of Yoneda Kou for years. In fact I remember reading the first and the last chapter of the first volume years ago as one-shots (the story from Yashiro’s youth when he met Kageyama just blew my mind! It was so different, so bold, light years away from typical high school yaoi which run the same banal scenarios over and over). I’ve only recently started to read the series (we have 5 volumes released in my country already!) and it sucked me in completely! And later I discovered never let me go blog which made very happy! :)

[roseprincesskristina]

New Year Love

((Since this is the true conclusion of 2020 despite of all the gun violence, pandemic, deaths, sadness and such. But now, everyone begins with a new chapter for 2021. For this story, humans and reploids are more prepared for the millennium of a lifetime, saying goodbye to the old year by making way for the true beginning of the future. While the two Maverick Hunters are, on the other, are enjoying their new year celebration by spending with each other in private at HQ, especially Zero's room. Before reading, it involves yaoi. So if you are not a fan, then you don't have to read this fiction. But, if so, you're welcome to enjoy this story. Anywho, without further ado, please enjoy reading and Happy New Year! 😊🎉🎉🎉🎇🎇🎇))

Midnight has slowly made its way by the appearance before the starting event of this evening's New Year extravaganza party here in Abel City, where the white diamond orb of light ascended into the middle of the dark sapphire skies, sided with a few stars twinkling beautifully like the precious gems or the clear oceans. Crickets created a quiet chirping sound for the soothing mood when it comes to nighttime, fireflies brighten their bottoms into the flashy shade of green for an even more peaceful atmosphere all across the earth. Humans, along with reploids, are surely hyped up for the conclusion of this previous year due to the endless cycle of maverick revolution ruled by the infamous king of all irregularities and former commander of the band of hunters, Sigma.

Few or many lives have been revoked into death, cities crumbled from certain attacks, and to cease the existence of all mankind to all the strongest robotic kind to rule the universe for eternity.

With every bit of hope have almost been decreased hastily, but thankfully, a duo of elite crime busting hunters have intervene the former mad commander's ambitions as well as to destroy his schemes in puny smithereens. One of them is the pure hearted B Class gun user who despises the unyielding feud between machines and man with the possessed potential. The other one is the serious, too cool for school A Class beam saber wielder with a non reckless strategy and lacks the practice of mercy towards enemies. Together, they're known as Maverick Hunters. Humanity's last hope for achieved freedom from disasters. Battling their paths throughout a horde of those who would follow their master's footsteps, especially the eight criminals that use to be hunters from before. Dueling against the arrogant rabble rouser in purple named Vile, and finally, ending the nightmarish nightmare by defeating the big boss himself. Numerous times in fact, no matter how many times he resurrected himself, but always dismantled by the irregular hunting crusaders. Peace has been restored at last, cleansed by the virus of villainy, where everyone began to applaud towards the hunters of foiling their enemies dreams. And this, where it all began, the true combination of both reploids and mankind living as one.

Meanwhile, back at the present time where everyone, as well as the Maverick Hunters, have began their special occasion at the Hunter HQ garden fields. Decorated everyone including the new year drop ball for the later countdown. While the guests are partying, having a wonderful time together, chatting, enjoying foods and drinks, taking turns with their speeches about others who made their lives even better if it wasn't for them during the crazy year, and lastly, telling of their new years resolution. Folks and reploids are remaining by having a blast. Even the rousing young prototype who is now a hunter, Axl.

Elsewhere away from the gang, the two droids, X and Zero, are relaxing in one piece alone inside of each other's room, enjoying their new year solo time in the dark. Mouth connected all night long without ever wanting to stop, caressing their backs smoothly, grinding on one's  armored bodies to force out the satisfy moans from the lower part of their stomachs.

"U...Unh~ Oh Zero~ Please don't stop yourself from polishing my body~ I... I kinda love it when you massage me~" Moaned the shy hunter of the 17th unit, intrigued by his crimson partner's soft touch across him. Letting out his pinkish tongue before panting, pleading for more.

"X~ You know I love it when you're enjoying my hands placed on your gorgeous little ass along with your body~" Aroused the blood colored mentor, kissing his lover's entire body with a starving attitude. "I want more of you, baby~ Your softness and nature have cured my cursed bloodlust from the past~ I lost control of myself, but now that you're here by my side, I felt peacefully comfortable around you~"

"Zero~ Zero~ I don't wanna live in this new year without you~ You're even more important to me that lifted my spirits~ Reminding me of your inspiration has made me the symbol of peace, helping others in need and beating Sigma with my full power and your courage that help me succeed~ It's all thanks to everyone who guided me, especially you, my love~"

"X~ You also done the same thing when I was acting too serious during my missions~ Refusing to accept anyone's help but to work on my own turfs, becoming stubborn every time someone wanted to help, and I'm very sorry for calling soft because of your emotions and sympathy towards your foes~ It really inspired me to be myself and still as cool thanks to you~ Nothing would put a smile upon my face more than your words of kindness which filled my cold broken heart~ So, thanks again, baby~ You really made my day~"

Influencing each other with the gallon of appreciation, sided along a plate of love, the cuddling couple resuming their enjoyment together by lip sucking like there's no tomorrow or next time. Making out all crazy on the bed, tongue kissing, giving one a naughty spanking for being a bad reploid. Comforting each others well beings or souls by their warmth, ignoring useless judgements by flushing them, along with hatred, down the toilet where it belongs. Living within their less colder shadows with full confidence, snuggle into one's shoulders without getting lost in the middle of nowhere but ridicules from anyone possessing a haughty personality. Watching out or got their backs when it comes to danger, filling in due their absence from missions or meetings.

"Zero~ What would be your new years resolution~?" He asked, but was already aware of that answer.

"It's obvious, babe~ To stay by your side for as long as it takes~ Cause I'm not going anywhere now that you're alone with me~" The upperclass hunter replied, pulling his cerulean closer to him for a deeper smooch as well as the desperate taste.

"I would think of doing the same thing~ I felt very strong hearted around you, Zero~" The kind spirited lower class smiled, responded with a kiss while being pulled towards.

"Mmmm~"

"Mmmmm~"

Their longing silent mouth connections have shut off the horrible memories that bother them, as well as their focuses, replacing all of it with each other's images to help them relax and regain control once again. Leaving everything in the past behind them or to never look back. For a harmonious year to come very shortly, two hearts have finally conjoined into one.

"Zero~ I love you~ With all my heart~"

"I love you, X~ Even if it means to sacrifice my life to protect you~"

"And I will always be your guardian angel to help you rise up when you're going to give up~"

"And I'll be your undying strength when you're giving out~"

Outside the Hunter Base, the entire crowd is completely prepared for the exciting countdown to be announced. Their hearts began to pump a rapid beat to helping the blood increase greatly. Even the teen shape shifter has felt this hyped up since his first promotion of becoming an irregular destroyer. They all have directed their attention upwards the skies for the fireworks to burst after the millennium ball has descended.

Inside, both the maverick stoppers wrapped themselves into each other's arms for a permanent embrace. Cherishing their hearts with tenderness and softness clothing their surroundings to form a private barrier around them without interruption from anybody.

"Thanks for being here with me all these years, Zero~ Having you by my side has really put a grin on my face~" X said gladly, feeling the endless warmth from his mentor's hand keeping him company.put

"Anytime, X~ You've done the same for me since we met~ Everything would be a living hell without you~ I'm glad that peace has been brought back because of you~" Replied Zero, smiling towards his young lover into his grasps. Happily being with one another forever, away from the densed insults showering them. But to be praised by those with positive traits around them that assist their mysterious potential to proceed further instead of stopping. Earning complements and friendships that never ends. Also, to be there for all reploids and humans.

"And mostly ~.... "

"But most of all~...."

And finally, the backwards counting has commenced as everyone joined in. While the two lovers would approach each other for a new year kiss.

The crowd starts to count: "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!"

Both irregular fighters have reached into their faces saying this before the reunited lip mashing.

"You are my everything~"

"You are my everything~"

The entire audience have shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!" as they cheer roaringly, while both lovers have kissed at last. Hearing the booming effects of the bursting fireworks into the air, lighting on their armors into the middle of a occasional deep smooch. All kinds have continued their fun during the beginning of the new millennium, hoping for it be far more better than this year. And as for the B and A Class heroes, well, everyone is already aware of their new year resolution: Staying by each other's side no matter, even when it means to sacrifice their lives.

"Happy New Year, Zero~"

"Happy New Year, X~"

"And... I love you~..."

"I love you too, baby blue~... Never forget it~"

"Oh Zero~"

"Oh X~"

"Zero~"

"X~"

"Zero~...."

"X~...."

"Zero~..... " Whispered the peace admiring buster bearer, proceeding his face towards his loving partner closely.

"X~...." Same goes for the scarlet swordsman, meeting his cute teammate's face for a preparing lip to lip sucking as well.

The duo are now continuing their holiday moment with each other alone by meeting lips once more, allowing the rest to enjoy their evening as well. Hopefully, this new and improved chapter will become much more tranquil than the unending disasters happening from the old year. Wherever there's trouble hidden itself out of suspicion without ever to become noticed, the inhuman hunting dream team will always get the job done quickly and over with. All humans and reploids will forever live as one, no matter the difference or appearances, everything will be possible.

The End

Happy New Year, everyone!

[phcking-detective]

9. Positive Reinforcement

Fic Title: First Blood

Rating: E

Length: 9/33 chapters, ~128k

Tags: Slow Burn, Idiots to Lovers, Trans Character (gavin), Autistic / Asexual / Non-binary Character (nines), BDSM, learning to use good etiquette and safe words, Dom Nines / Sub Gavin, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort

Chapter Tags: hospitals, hurt/comfort, domestic, Nines takes care of Gavin, caring Dom Nines, Gavin has a mood swing / shouting episode but there’s no partner abuse, using BDSM instead of therapy (not recommended btw)

Link on AO3

***

Hospitals suck ass.

Gavin repeats this mantra to himself like one of those meditation techniques. It's not enough to block out how his hip keeps slipping between the three chairs he's trying to lay on horizontally or how fucking cold it is in nothing but jeans and Nines' stupid fucking Cyberlife jacket or the bright fucking florescent—

"Detective."

Gavin squints up at Nines' sudden appearance like he's looking at a miracle—inherently suspicious and wondering what the fucking catch is. He's woozy and tired and somehow also hungry, the nurse took four tries to find his vein, and Tina didn't answer any of his calls from the courtesy phone because who the hell answers phone calls?

"What are you doing?" Nines asks in the sort of tone normally reserved for walking in on someone trying to suck their own dick.

Not that Gavin's ever tried.

"I'm sleeping, fuck off."

"On three separate chairs?"

"You know what?" Gavin sits up and stabs a finger against the android's steel fucking stomach. "I'm tired, I don't have a phone or my wallet, I can't pay for a cab, Tina isn't answering, and I don't—"  

The finger-stabs turn into punches.

"Have. Any. Other. Friends!"

Nines stands there, letting Gavin punch him until the bruised knuckles aren't worth it anymore. The waiting room starts to sway. Fuck, he really needs a snack or something right now. One free cookie and a juice box just isn't going to cut it.

"Here."

The inside of the jacket suddenly begins to warm up. Nice to know it could have done that the entire FUCKING time. Nines also produces Gavin's cellphone from his pants' pocket and offers it to him. Gavin snatches it back and stares at the screen.

"Can't phcking read this," he mutters.

Nines produces his headphones too. When all Gavin does is take them back and hold them stupidly in his other hand, Nines crouches down in front of him. His fucking head hurts so bad, Gavin actually sits quietly and doesn't complain while Nines plugs in the headphones and then puts the earbuds inside his ears.

Your jacket is at the dry cleaners. Nines' voice sounds in his head at a mercifully low volume. I have brought your truck and ordered you a large number five meal with a strawberry milkshake.

Gavin slumps forward and lets his head rest on Nines' shoulder so he doesn't cry. He punches the android's arm and chest a few more times for good measure. It doesn't even crinkle his fancy black dress shirt. Nines stays perfectly still and allows this too.

Your food is becoming cold, detective.

Gavin grunts. He'll get up in a second.

Nines decides he'll get up right now. Those ridiculous fucking yaoi hands grabbing his thighs is the only warning he gets before he's hoisted in the air and held against Nines' chest. Which—fuck, that's hot, but not here!

"Fuck off tin can, leggo!"

Gavin puts up a fight against his partner's gay shit because there are people watching. He can see them right over Nines' shoulder, the nurse at the front desk and the six other people in the waiting room. Yeah, shit's a lot better for gay people now, but that doesn't mean he wants the entire hospital to know what a bottom bitch he is.

"Don't fucking hold me like a fucking child," he complains as they reach the automatic doors.

A second later, Nines shifts him into his arms bridal style, like that's any better.

"Hold me like a man, god damn it!"

Then he's slung over Nines' shoulder in a fireman's hold. Between the giving blood wooziness and suddenly being upside down, he has to stop yelling and just focus on breathing for a second. The rush of cold air when they get out to the parking lot helps.

Even better, when he opens his eyes again, he's greeted by an up-close view of Nines' ass in tight dress pants. Best of all are the thick, powerful thighs right beneath it, marching away. A little bit lower, and he could just bury his face between those thighs and suffocate the way God intended.

Car tires crunch against the asphalt in front of them and Gavin's pretty sure he recognizes the blurry, upside-down image of his truck between Nines' legs. Has the automated driving feature always been capable of being remote controlled, or is that just some freaky shit that Nines did to it?

He doesn't get a chance to think any more about it before he's flipped upright, set inside his truck, and buckled into the passenger's seat like a toddler. It's a miracle he hasn't dropped his phone or had his headphones ripped out of his ears yet.

"I hate you," he tells Nines, just to make sure the android knows.

Nines takes the bag of fast food off the dash and sets it in his lap.

Occupy your mouth.

Gavin makes a face at him. Why's everything he say have to sound so ominously dominating? The passenger door shuts in his face before he can think of something smarter than I'll occupy your mouth though, so he settles for grabbing his milkshake and making loud slurping noises. Nines gets in on the driver's side and immediately takes the milkshake from him, so he counts it as a success. He's too hungry and tired of hurting his hands to try hitting him for it, so he digs into the food bag.

A large number five, fried chicken club sandwich, none of that stupid special sauce, extra ketchup.

Gavin really can't help the moan he makes when he bites into it. But there's only so much toxic masculinity even he can handle, and he'll moan like a bitch if he wants to moan like a bitch. As long as it's just the two of them.

"Mmphfgh. So."

Swallow.

Shit. Fuck, his headphones are still in. Gavin rolls his eyes to try to shake off how he jumped, but he does still swallow his bite before talking again.

"How'd you know to come get me? Tina never answered."

I know the location of the Henry Ford Medical Center, detective.

"Yeah, but who told you to come get me?"

It was an independent decision.

Gavin takes another huge bite of his sandwich to think that over. Some ketchup squirts out the other side onto his fingers, and he sucks it off as obnoxiously loud as possible. Nines flashes red in his peripheral vision. Well, he can't actually see the LED because it's on the wrong side, but he can see his partner's reflection in the driver's side window.

"You find the perp loitering nearby?" he finally asks.

No.

Gavin tries to think of any other reason Nines would come get him but comes up empty.

"So, why did you …?"

He takes another long drink of his milkshake to avoid putting whatever this is into words. Take care of me makes him sound like a child and do the nicest shit anyone's done for me in years (or maybe ever) just sounds pathetic.

We need to get back to work. Humans need food after donating blood. Your jacket needed to be cleaned.

All right, those are simple explanations. Yeah. Maybe that's just how Nines sees it. He doesn't have a social module, so he was probably just solving a series of problems, completing his task list or whatever. Not like. Actually caring.

Except then Nines turns and says out loud with soul-searing intensity, "You are my partner."

Gavin does the only reasonable thing and stuffs an entire handful of fries in his mouth so he doesn't have to look at those pretty blue eyes staring at him like he's important. Or do some gay shit, like cry.

He's not going to cry. It's just been a long day, that's all. He makes the mistake of looking at the dashboard clock.

11:36 am

Fuck.

***

(9 hours later …)

Mmm warm good smell. Food smell. Gavin takes another greedy inhale and feels the warm thing touch his lips. He instinctively takes a bite before he even finishes waking up. It tastes good and kind of chewy, if a little bland. He snuffles and licks the fingers that fed it to h—

Wait, fucking whom'st fingers is he licking right now?

"Fascinating."

Gavin swats the hand away and glares up at Nines hovering over him. "What the fuck did you just make me eat?"

Nines cocks his head to the side. He looks more like a creepy animatronic owl than the cute puppy eyes Connor gives when he does it.

"Can you not tell?" the android asks.

"Can you blow me?"

"I tried that on a banana," Nines says casually, as if that mental image makes any kind of sense.

"Whuh—wh—"

Gavin smacks his lips together and tries to figure out what his mouth tastes like right now. Kind of … cheesy? Like pasta maybe, but without any flavor. Whatever he swallowed was dry at least, so no sauce or anything.

"Why?"

"To know if I could," Nines replies. "My combat protocols automatically activated and my jaw locked shut."

"OK, so you can't eat bananas, but what the fuck did I eat?" Gavin demands.

"Technically, I did eat the banana," Nines says. "Partially. My jaw snapped shut after taking a bite of it inside my oral cavity."

Gavin's dick starts listening to the conversation. It's because of karma and maybe some sort of android fucking witchcraft that now his dick gets hard listening to the bitchiest most stuck up Alexa ever say the words "oral cavity."

Of course Nines notices the reaction right away. Because fuck his whole entire life, that's why. Nines stares down at his crotch and Gavin can practically hear a zzzzzz as his eyes zoom in on his traitor dick.

"Fascinating."

"Tell me what you fucking fed me or I swear to God, I'll—"

"One cheese ravioli."

Gavin stares at him. "A cheese … did it even have sauce?"

"No, I washed that off."

Gavin opens his mouth, stares harder at that completely serious face, and shuts it again. He pinches the bridge of his nose instead, rubbing over the thick gnarl of scar tissue there.  

"Why …"

But that's all he can bring himself to say. For once, Nines is the one who has no trouble with speaking.

"So it wouldn't drip on the carpet," he says, like that's obvious.

"You really think a bit of Prego is gonna be the worst this carpet's ever seen?" Gavin asks.

Nines' face darkens into a scowl that would be terrifying if Gavin didn't know this was his version of pouting. "Do not remind me. I have deleted fifty-seven analysis reports this last hour alone."

Gavin rolls his eyes. "Well, why'd you feed me a cheese ravioli?"

"To save the beef ravioli as a higher value treat."

Gavin looks him over. His left arm hangs down casually by his side, but his hand presses slightly behind his crouched thigh. It looks like he's holding something in one of those magician's grip that makes his hand appear loose and open while something is secretly tucked into his palm.

"You may have the beef ravioli if you sit at the table," Nines tells him.

He stands up and takes a few steps backwards toward the kitchen, raising up his hand to reveal the ravioli. Gavin gets off the couch and marches toward him to kick his ass, but the android matches his pace exactly to step backwards until they're right next to the table. He opens his mouth to start yelling, which immediately proves to be a mistake.

Nines shoves the ravioli directly into his open mouth. Gavin automatically bites down, but the android's reflexes are too quick for him, and he gets his fingers clear before being bitten. Instead, Gavin only bites into delicious beefy filling.

And he would spit it out. He really would, right onto Nines' perfectly shined shoes.

Except it's been a long ass day filled with paperwork about what happened with the reporter and no other goddamn leads and he has no idea how late it is since he fell asleep on the couch, but it's definitely past suppertime and he's hungry as fuck.

(Also, maybe he remembers the consequences of the last time he tried to spit at Nines, and his traitor-dick needs to Shut Up about that.)

Gavin chews the beef ravioli with the angriest face he can muster. It doesn't help that it's really fucking good, way better than the takeout and ramen he usually lives on. Nines opens the lid of the to go box sitting on the kitchen table, and the best smell his trash apartment has ever encountered steams out.

Gavin sits his angry ass down and starts to eat. Fuck him if he's going to waste good food. Most of the ravioli is beef, but there's some cheese-filled ones too, mixed in with the rest in a thick meaty sauce. Nines sits in the seat across the table to stare at him while he eats. Fucking creeper. Always one step behind him, staring at him, following him back home like they're friends or something.

"Why the fuck are you still here?" he deliberately asks with his mouth full.

"Juarez is currently our best lead to identifying the shooter," Nines answers. "As she may wake from her coma at any time, it is most efficient for me to stay with you in the event we are called during off duty hours."

Gavin chews his food. His partner is real fucking good at coming up with totally logical answers that he can't argue against without looking stupid even though he just knows that's bullshit.

"Whatever," he says. "I'm not paying you back for this. Or the chicken sandwich."

Nines keeps staring at him with those blank, lizard eyes. "I did not ask you to."

Gavin pushes back his chair and slams his hands on the table, yelling "Fuck you!" before he even knows what hits him. His moods are like that sometimes.

Nines doesn't even blink.

Usually, that sort of shit would just set him off even more. The lack of response sure as hell drove him to push harder and harder when they first got assigned as partners. Now Gavin just feels stupid, shouting at someone just sitting there.

Stupid. Fuck, he always does this shit. He knows this. He <i>knows</i> this.

"I don't …" Gavin forces himself to exhale slowly out through his teeth, gripping the edge of the table so he doesn't throw something. "Need. Your charity."

Stupid stupid stupid.

"You are my partner," Nines says.

Monotone. Four words and not a single inflection. When Gavin finally makes himself look up from panting at the grain of the fake-wooden table, Nines' face is just as blank. It should probably trigger some sort of uncanny valley lurch in his stomach, but without any micro-expressions for his brain goblins to pick up on and start screeching about, Gavin's anger starts slipping away like resin on tarp.

He looks back down at the table so he doesn't have to see his partner's face.

"If you cannot accept your own rule that partners look out for each other, consider this an investment to ensure you are recovered for our next shift tomorrow."

Gavin exhales again. Then inhales. Stupid. Exhale. At least he didn't throw anything. Inhale. This time.

"Also, I am applying Pavlovian training to encourage behaviors convenient to me."

Gavin sits back down and rubs both hands through his hair. "You're dog training me?"

"Positive reinforce—"

"You can't fix this," Gavin growls out, then gestures to himself and the kitchen at large. "This! Me. Anyone can read a fucking psychology book, dipshit—I already know what's wrong with me. If I could just good behavior myself into getting better, I would have done it already."

Nines' composure finally breaks as he blinks. "I am not a KL-nine-hundred unit, detective. I have absolutely no intention of—"

Gavin groans because he knows the air quotes are coming. Nines looks him dead in the eyes and does them anyway.

"—'fixing' you."

"I hate you."

"I only want to encourage relevant behaviors," Nines continues without acknowledging the outburst. "Such as doing your own paperwork rather than playing games on your phone."

Gavin grunts and manages to take another bite now that he's settled down some. Sure, maybe he'd been dumping all his paperwork on Nines now that the android has proven he knows how to do it properly. But he gets it done way faster and trying to make letters hold still on a bright ass computer screen gives him the worst headaches. God, he probably needs reading glasses at this point but he'd rather his entire head split open than wear that kind of shit at the station.

"Listening to my input at crime scenes."

"Hhegh," Gavin says around a mouth full of beef.

"Basic table manners."

Gavin swallows. "Hey. Fuck off, I do listen to you. I have been, so don't fucking sit there and try to tell me—"

"You have been," Nines says.

Gavin stops with his mouth hanging open. Dammit, he was just getting good and pissed off again, and then the bastard goes and agrees with him. What the hell is he supposed to say to that? It's definitely a trap. Like sarcasm, or some sort of passive aggressive ...

Something.

"Throughout our current case, you have taken note of my input," Nines says. "I was not implying otherwise, simply that I would start rewarding you for doing so."

Gavin narrows his eyes at him. "Yeah? Why?"

"I was forced to work with other humans at the Juarez residence." Nines finally finds some inflection to say other humans like he means radioactive screaming toddlers. "It was not ideal. And while I certainly will not beg for your continued cooperation, I am not above bribery as a means to ensure I can do my work in peace rather than relying on … the kindness of your heart."

Gavin grunts again and goes back to his food. Eating slightly cold ravioli is easier than making eye contact with his partner right now. He might have been a teensy bit better lately, but obviously he's not some kind of android rights activist. If Nines is worried he's going to flip back to being an asshole on a whim or a bad day or because other people were watching, well.

That's pretty fucking fair, to be honest.

"Dog training though?" he mutters after a minute. "Really?"

"I have read many human psychology books." Nines pauses, then adds, "Dipshit."

Gavin snorts and lets the insult pass.

"I can recite them. I understand the words. But they are merely words to me," Nines admits slowly. "Dog training books are much more simple."

"Is this a kink thing?"

Nines rolls his eyes. "Gavin, would you care to explain to me in honest and personal detail why offering food triggered such an immediate and violent reaction? Please include at least three references to your childhood."

Gavin shoves more ravioli in his mouth and smacks as loudly as possible as he chews.

"Then perhaps you would prefer a simpler way of relating to one another," Nines speaks over the noise. "No emotional sharing, no childhood details, no sad sob stories about what made you like this. You behave, you get food. That is all."

"What if I don't behave?" Gavin immediately challenges.

"Then you do not receive any food or treats."

"You gonna punish me, sir?"

Nines glares down his perfectly sculpted nose at him. "If you had listened to my explanation on the benefits of positive reinforcement, you would already know why it is the more effective training method."

Gavin resists the urge to repeat thE MorE eFFeCtIve TrAInInG MeTHoD back at him.

"Also," Nines continues. "You are far too much of a needy little painslut to be truly punished by corporeal means."

Gavin focuses very hard on mopping up the rest of the meat sauce with his side of garlic bread instead of answering that. Even when they know better, he's never met a Dom he couldn't piss off into beating the shit out of him just like he wanted. Technically, if they're counting their little "scene" in the DPD's men's bathroom, Nines hasn't proven himself to be an exception, either.

"Well." He stands up and leaves the mess on the table. "Good luck with your totally not a kink pet play. I'm gonna go watch funny youtube videos until my brain dies."

"Cat videos?" Nines asks as he passes him, raising one perfect eyebrow. "Am I to assume those are not also a pet play ki—"

Gavin flips him off and slams his bedroom door shut.

***

***

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21 / 22 / 23 / 24 / 25 / 26 / 27 / 28 / 29 / 30 / 31 / 32 / 33

I also have a Patreon for this fic, if you want to support me! $1 gets you access to chapters a week early, $2 gets bonus content and deleted scenes, and $3 gets short chapters from two AUs I’m writing: an A/B/O heatfic and reverse!AU

by the way, Nines totally posted a video of himself feeding asleep-Gavin the ravioli to his blog and it has a weird overly formal title like Human (36M) Instinctively Eats Ravioli During the Course of REM Sleep. all of his posts are like that because they’re meant to be “educational” “”experiments”” and the text posts are just black text on a white background

meanwhile, Connor’s blog consists exclusively of super cute pictures featuring either him and Hank on dates or cuddling on the couch, and Sumo of course. Nines thinks it’s disgusting and dumb and is lowkey (actually highkey) upset that Connor’s blog gets way more views than his

It isn’t even educational!! >:(

[writteninsunshine]

Maybe It’s Better Off This Way - Luxord/Roxas - SFW

Title: Maybe It's Better Off This Way

Author: Donnie

Fandom: Kingdom Hearts

Setting: The Castle That Never Was

Pairing: Luxord/Roxas

Characters: Luxord/Roxas

Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T

Chapters: 1/1

Word Count: 1127

Type Of Work: One-Shot

Status: Complete

Warnings: Gay, Slash, Yaoi, MLM, Kissing, Age Gaps, Roxas is 18, Luxord is 34, Disassociation, Mental Health, Reasons To Live

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything.

Summary: Roxas doesn’t know if there’s a difference between him and a Shadow. Luxord might make the difference glaringly obvious.

AN: Hey guys, it’s me again! Just thought I ought to say, if you want vague updates and to talk to me more, I have Twitter and Tumblr, too! Twitter is Sunshinecackle, and Tumblr is Writteninsunshine! I also have a writing Discord that is currently pretty dead. xD I can PM it to people who want it on FFN, for everyone else, it’s here: https://discord.gg/FyaWw25

Until they admit that they enjoy each other’s company, Luxord’s parts were written by my husband, and I edited them. This was based on an RP that we did. I really wanted to write this, and honestly, I had a lot of fun with it, and it’s really therapeutic to write them for me. I hope you guys enjoy it! This is basically the beginning of their relationship for my other fics for this ship.

Kingdom Hearts Fic Masterlist

Maybe It's Better Off This Way

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Roxas sat atop the tallest tower he dared to, staring down at the endless void of heartless at the base, his eyes hollow and mind blank. He was thinking, he was sure of that, but he didn't know of what. His eyes could catch the glimmer of movement of the Shadows, but he wasn't tracking anything, just staring with his hands in his lap.

The tapping of boots along the concrete slab he sat on sounded behind him before there was a soft sigh, and the sound of leather stretching. A familiar blond sat beside him, eyeing Roxas carefully before he thought to try on some words.

“Hey,” Luxord began, not sure if Roxas would even hear him like this.

"Hey." Roxas’ voice didn't quite sound right, and the smaller blond slowly shook his head, glancing over at the other. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah... I was wondering how you're doing..? You've been gone for a while..."

"...Have I?" Roxas asked, blinking, and looking up at Luxord’s pretty, concerned blue eyes, "I didn't notice."

"I thought so... So I came to check on you and see how you're doing." Luxord’s tone was quiet, gentle, welcoming.

"I'm okay." Was he, though? "Just... Thinking." And staring at the bottom like it would be a reprieve.

"What are you thinking of?"

Roxas went quiet. He didn't really know. "Stuff."

Luxord paused for a moment before responding again, "Is any of that stuff life-threatening for you?"

"I... I don't know." Roxas sighed. He really thought that he should know better. "I keep thinking about the Shadows."

"What about them..?"

"We're not... That different. Are we?" The way he posed the question almost sounded more like a statement than anything. "Stuck doing the same thing, seeking a purpose we're never going to attain for a fate we can't..." His words trailed off and his eyelids drooped. He sighed, looking confused for a second.  "Would it really be so bad to let them win?"

Luxord paused, thinking for a moment before speaking, "You have a point... to a point." Glancing back down towards the ground, he continued, "We make our own choices... We have the ability to change our fates... As strange and twisted as it may be... We have the power to make changes to ourselves and twist what should have been."

"I don't think it counts. Fate is something concrete and liquid, like a cat. Displeasing it is easy and then you're..." He leaned forward a little, watching the shadows swarming. "...Splat."

Luxord leaned forward slightly, staring down and following Roxas’ gaze before sighing, "Perhaps things aren't always as concrete as you think... Sometimes you just need a little luck in your favor..."

"I... Don't know if I have any luck left." Roxas murmured, licking his lips. He was quiet for a moment, lost to another thought, before asking, "Do you think that I... Can be good?"

"Can any of us truly be good or is that merely something that pertains to the moment and which side of the coin you're viewing from?" Luxord always knew how to make things sound better. It sounded so much more simple like that.

Blinking in confusion for a second, Roxas considered this. "I don't want to be inconsequential." He finally managed, blurting it out.

"Then don't be."

Furrowing his brows, he stared at his hands. "Can I even do that?"

"Of course. Give them a reason to remember you."

"...Nobody will remember me, Lux. I'm not supposed to..." Exist. He sighed. "We're Nobodies."

"They'll remember you if you give them something to remember... How can they forget if you change their very lives?"

"Everyone forgets me."

"Change that." Luxord finally looked back at the younger, "Build them up or destroy them... They'll remember that."

Those blue eyes met the other's for a second and he glanced away, "And what happens if I can't do either? I die trying?"

"You at least go out... Trying."

"...What's different between dying trying and just... Going out from up here?"

"One of those means you gave it your best shot and the other means you gave up."

"What if giving up is all I got left?"

"Then you need to figure out what's stopping you and why you haven't given up yet... and fight for that."

Roxas paused for a moment, staring down at his hands before reaching over and taking one of Luxord's. He was quiet, just relishing in squeezing his hand. "What do I gotta do?"

Looking at the other's hand holding his own, Luxord smiled softly before leaning in and pressing their lips together for a moment. "..Don't leave me."

Heart hammering in his chest as they kissed, Roxas gently reached up to hold his cheek gently. "...Okay."

"I enjoy spending time with you..."

"I like spending time with you, too..." Luxord’s games always made life more understandable, and everything that he did made life seem more worth living. He would have died without the other, he thought. If he hadn’t come to see him tonight, maybe he really would have. Their lips met again and Roxas sighed softly, content.

“We should move from the edge. I wouldn’t want to see your new lease on life fall so quickly.” Luxord was on his feet in seconds, taking the other by his armpits and dragging him back. He didn’t trust Roxas to be able to stand without plummeting right now, his knees were always so weak when he got to thinking for too long. Hoisting the other man to his feet, he smiled at him gently, pulling him into another kiss. 

This time, Luxord held both of his cheeks gently, tilting his head and swiping his tongue over Roxas’ lips. Parting them, Roxas closed his eyes and leaned forward, pushing up on his tiptoes. It felt like an eternity before their lips parted again, wet and gentle as Luxord looked into his eyes.

“I think it’s you.” Roxas murmured softly, and Luxord rose a brow.

“Me?”

“The thing I need to fight for. The reason I didn’t jump.” Roxas informed, sucking both of his lips into his mouth. Luxord smiled, soft and genuine, before kissing his forehead.

“Then don’t leave me, Bug. I’ll be your reason all you want.” Luxord gently pet his thumbs over Roxas’ cheeks, watching him relax into him. 

“Okay… What about you?”

“Me? You’re important to me, too, if that’s what you want. I don’t usually think about jumping into Heartless, love.”

Roxas laughed at that, maybe too loudly and for too long. He wiped his eye after a moment, grinning up at him.

“Yeah, okay, I get it. Thanks, Lux, you’re the best.” 

“Anytime.” Leading Roxas through a portal to a safer place, Luxord hummed softly to himself, his arm around Roxas’ shoulders.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

AN: Needed to write some more LuxRox self-indulgent stuff. Maybe one of these days they will actually get past just kissing. Who knows. I loved this, I hope you guys enjoyed it!

[ocfanfiction]

For some reason I found this whole thing to be like a fever dream. I do go pretty far into the series so stay tuned... Maybe.

___________________________________________

Things were already bad and it only seemed to go from there. Cassie found herself wondering why she even bothered with anything. Dealing with her family was annoying enough, she had pretty much no friends and she hated being in school, but why was this? Was it the numerous times, nearly everyday, when her eardrums were busted out of her cranium? Was it the loud vibrant sparks of explosive tendencies? Or was it the splitting headaches she would get from trying to calm herself in the event these things would happen? Or was it D all the above? 

She’d be wrong when she’d tell herself it was other reasons, she knew exactly what it was. How was she to deal with it…? That was a different story. Her best option was just to stun him, but of course that would guarantee her only a few minutes of peace. She thought about that for a moment, but the moment only lasted as long when Bakugou yelled spoke loudly at someone he was pissed at for one reason or another. Cassie’s headache was only getting worse and by the time Aizawa was going to wake up to solve the problem she’d be a puddle of brain matter begging to be killed. She spoke very softly, hoping it would work and (thankfully) it did.

“Please, just speak a bit softer.” 

“YOU FREAKING DUmbass.” Bakugou had ceased yelling and instead he spoke like a normal person. Cassie looked up feeling a bit of relief knowing he quieted down. “What- what the hell happened?” He wasn’t even yelling anymore, just speaking crudely, but in soft and nice tone. Cassie closed her eyes knowing now she’d be able to relax a bit. In her moment of peace, she heard her Bakugou once again. “Vibrator.” Everyone stopped and looked to Bakugou as he called out his name for her. Originally, it had been ‘Plain sounds’ as a joke on her boring appearance was and her ability to manipulate sound waves, now vibrator was just as rude.

“What kind of name is that? Oh, maybe it’s a memoir of your ‘special time’ alone?” With the slight snickers she got from that, Bakugou got up. He couldn’t even yell, but he found himself speaking to her. 

“You bitch, only you would know about something so fuckin’ disgusting.” She laughed.

“Yeah I’m into Yaoi, Bl, and anything else normal that a teenager is. That so strange?” Bakugou wanted to scream and explode her, his hand came up but nothing would come out, Cassie looked to him. “I’m sorry, don’t you know?” Bakugou stared at her, “You can’t hurt me for as long as my Qurik is activated. Boy, I bet that sucks for you.” Cassie moved back to sit down on the floor, Bakugou followed her and stood in front of her. Everyone, who was watching, was more interested in the comments they were spouting at one another, but Midoriya and Uraraka were worried about something getting out of hand. Iida, being the class rep, found himself shooting up and making off gestures to them both. 

“The both of you need to relax!” Cassie looked to Iida.

“It’s a bit too late for him, I’ve been relaxed this whole time though.” Iida couldn’t argue that much and knew speaking wouldn’t solve anything. “Look if it makes everyone feel better this should be over in ten more minutes.” 

“That’s right! Your power works on the interest level of another person, right?” Uraraka spoke as she walked over.

“Yeah, Bakugou doesn’t seem like the type of person who would be interested in me, and ditto to that notion,” She heard laughs, “But if all is good, he should be back to wanting to kill me before soon.” Iida was concerned more for that now.

“Cassie-kun, is there any way for you to prevent him from exploding you? I want neither of you hurt, but we all know Bakugou will blow up if he’s released from your Quirk.” She blinked to Iida. 

“He needs to calm down.” She said.

“I’ll calm down when you screw yourself and your Quirk.” Cassie relaxed and looked back to Iida.

“Looks like I’m not the issue here.” Iida found himself at a loss, seeing Bakugou and the fact that he wasn’t moving at all worried him. Usually, when Cassie and him got into an argument, Bakugou would back off the minute Cassie started to ignore him, he was pretty happy that Cassie was such a cool head, but right now Bakugou was pissed beyond all recognition. But why? Midoriya was curious at this so he got up and tried to calm Bakugou down. 

“Kacchan, I don’t think any of this is-” 

“Shut up, Deku!” He was about to swing and hit him but he stopped prematurely and found himself holding a hand above Midoriya.

“Oh, you can’t hurt other people as well, that’s a real hard subject for you huh?” Bakugou looked back to Cassie and clicked his tongue. Cassie wanted to congratulate herself at the stunning show she was putting on, but dealing with Bakugou head on was something she couldn’t handle quite yet. Her heart was pounding and she wanted it to calm down, it didn’t seem as if that were going to happen anytime soon. So she kept her cool with her face by giving him smirks and other seering looks she could muster up with the hope that soon Bakugou would go back to his normal state. Ten minutes later and Bakugou was still stuck by her will. Everyone was lost, but soon Denki and Kirishima spoke up. 

“Woah, looks like Bakugou cares a whole lot more for the vibrator.” 

“Shut it.” Bakugou said.

“Don’t call me that gross name!” They spoke at the same time. Then Bakugou returned to her.

“You really are bothered by the name vibrator?” She looked to Bakugou, “What’s wrong with the name? It suits you and is likely something you’ll be stuck with when you’re old and dying.” Cassie stood up.

“Cassie-kun!” Iida tried to keep Cassie back.

“Iida-chan, please. I’m not lowering myself to this bomb, I’m merely explaining that this could go on for hours. Think you can handle that bomber?” Bakugou wanted to punch her at her close proximity, but her hold on him prevented him from doing so, Cassie sighed a bit before looking to everyone else. “School’s almost out, we shouldn’t waste our time with Bakugou, oh I nearly forgot! We shouldn’t waste out time on Baka-chan.” Bakugou made a sound, she sneered. “That’s the name you hate, but only coming from me? I wonder why?” Cassie smirked to him before getting her bag and heading for the door. “If Aizawa-sama wakes up before class ends, tell him I’ll have the papers finished before tomorrow.” Iida nods. “See ya’ Baku-chan!” Cassie swiftly left out of the classroom careful to not get anyone’s concern, Bakugou growled seeing that Cassie was mocking him, he had no chance of stopping her assault of words against him for her stupid power stopped him in a ever way even slightly advancing in killing her. He wanted her dead the same manner he wanted everyone dead, they were annoying. They were in his way and did nothing to help him, so therefore they were nothing but obstacles in his plan to become number one!

His intent went a bit too far when it came to Cassie, something about how she acted all the time just pissed him off beyond repair, but knowing how she was, maybe that was why he wanted to see her fail. He knew she was just using her confident face to prevent anyone from knowing how she really was, because she knew if anyone saw her pathetic state she’d crumble in the dust. So he had to find a way to break that, and now… he really had to!

[wintryknight13]

Time For My Death Sentence

I always wanted to share my thoughts on old shit. And since severals years have passed, I'm sure I (a ghost) can freely give unpopular opinions on things without getting noticed (I know I'm pressing my luck). Maybe not a minority reception, but small nonetheless. Alright, here goes the list:

1. I hate pineapple pizza. (Easy enough)

2. I can't stand SJWs. They make me think liberals are plain stupid and delusional (and I lean a bit more to the left). I can go on a long rant about them but I won't do it here. And plenty have already beaten me to it.

3. Fandoms are horrible (yeah yeah I know I shouldn't generalize but truly, the most vocal ones just ruin it for me)

4. Supernatural was good for the first 6 seasons. Afterwards it gotten repetitive, inconclusive, and irritating.

5. Big Bang Theory too, for 4 seasons. I hate when it turned into a Rom-Com like it's FRIENDS. I'm glad it's coming to an end (hopefully)

6. I love the high school musical trilogy, I don't care if it's corny or dumb.

7. Twilight doesn't deserve all the hate it got. It wasn't even that bad (except for Breaking Dawn, I can understand that)

8. I still very much enjoyed the second half of Death Note even after L's Death. I love Near and Mello (And Matt!).

9. Ah, My Goddess! is the best and only Rom Anime I ever enjoyed. Keichi and Belldandy are a wholesome couple.

10. I hate the Germany = HRE conspiracy in Hetalia. There, I said it! I always saw them as 2 different people. I'm also not a GerIta shipper. Oopsie.

11. Naruto Ending sucks ass, I'm sorry. It ended with shitty couples and cheap power-ups and Bigger Baddies (A Goddess WTF) and unresolved themes/problems and the LAST movie and emptiness and many more questions. All just for the spin-off Boruto.

12. Fire Emblem needs to get rid of avatars and waifus. It's getting ridiculous.

13. I like Young Justice (not a super fan), but I hate the time skips and overload of new characters. I love Wally(RIP?), but could care less about Spitfire, they're like my least favorite couple.

14. I hate the New 52 DCAU art style. Just, no.

15. With the exception of volumes 1-3, RWBY is utter trash.

16. Legend Of Korra was decent. Tho my only favs were Bolin, Varrick, and Tenzin.

17. I love Gotham, but I hated the mismatched rom drama and resurrecting dead people schtick.

18. I Despise Disney Remakes. They are all TERRIBLE.

19. Speaking of Disney, I MISS 2-d animation. Those were beautiful times.

20. Lyrical Rap Music with meaning is 10x better than that mumble shit.

21. I wasn't at all affected by Hughes' Death in FMA (I'm wading dangerous waters). I mean yeah, it was tragic, but I didn't cry or lost sleep over it.

22. I'm too late in the game to like or enjoy KPOP. BTS is alright tho.

23. Polar Express is the BEST Christmas film. I dgaf what anyone says.

24. I like Jason Todd's white tuff, regardless if it only lasted for about 2 issues. Keep doing your thing, Fanart.

25. If you look past the flaws, FF13 isn't that bad. I enjoyed it. Lightning was a good MC.

26. What's a girl gotta do to get some manly ukes/bottoms around here?! It's all just submissive, girly pretty boy content! (Sorry, inner Yaoi Gal talking)

27. Feminism is stupid. Just wanna put that out there.

28. Y'all need to stop making Bruce the bad guy/father in Batfam Fanfics.

29. Alice & Zouroku, After The Rain, Gakuen Babysitters, and Monster are such underrated animes. Different genres, but all so AMAZING.

30. Amber is my least favorite character from Darker Than Black. Change my mind!

31. Jason Griffith was the ideal voice of Sonic The Hedgehog for me. Nothing can prove me otherwise.

32. Katniss didn't deserve Peeta. He's too much of a sweetheart to have kids with that Skank.

33. Percy Jackson needs a TV series. The movies didn't do my treasure justice!

34. Since we're on Percy Jackson, wasn't much of a fan of Percebeth. I love them as separate characters. Together? Meh.

35. I prefer the original, female, flat-chested, in-depth, badass, beautiful Saber in the Fate Series. The other versions can't even compare.

36. Alice from Detroit: Become Human should've been a human girl instead of an android. The weight and beauty of Kara's story is lost, and via replays Alice just becomes a nuisance.

37. Rise Of The Guardians NEED a sequel.

38. Marvel is good at movies. DC is good at animation. That's my gospel truth and I'm sticking with it. Ultimate Spiderman and the Dark Knight Trilogy are the exceptions.

39. I never seen Steven Universe or BHA. Too overrated.

40. Pokemon: I Choose You was the worst Pokemon Movie I've seen. From the lack of Brock & Misty (And Team Rocket. Honestly, where did the original backstory went?) to Pikachu fuckin speaking for the first time.

41. Just because America is indeed not the best country in the world, doesn't mean all other countries are automatically better.

...I know there's more, but this is what I got from the top of my head. Respond however you like. I litted the fire, after all. Heh, it's probably a good conversation starter.

[hetalia-text-messages]

My Pride Story

Trigger warning: Mentions of self-harm and suicide.

This is hard to talk about, but here I go.

I started middle school in August of 2012 after a horrible two years. In 2010 I had been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and anxiety. In 2011, I was diagnosed with depression. I contemplated suicide daily and planned so many things. I wrote my note. Obviously I ended up not going through with it, thank god I’m here today.

My reason? Bullying. So much bullying. I had no friends after I lost my only one in 2008. She moved away without telling me. No friends made me an easy target, I suppose. No one could protect me or tell people to leave me alone.

I didn’t care about anything. I was an emotionless, hollow shell. I didn’t smile or laugh, or find anything stimulating. No hobbies. School was just hell. I passed everything, but it all moved so slowly. That’s also how I moved; slowly. Just trying to get through each day.

Loser, idiot, slut, whore, creeper, worthless, waste of space, I was called everything you can think of. We were ELEVEN. Kids can be horrible. I’m not sure everyone realizes that. It’s a problem.

“Kill yourself.” That was one I heard a lot. I turned to self-harming, but only twice. I didn’t like it. I still heard those two words every day. I came so close to listening multiple times. But I didn’t do it.

Back to middle school. I was quiet and painfully shy, but I made my first friend in years within two days. Her name was Sarah, but I now know him as Allen. He had been homeschooled until that year, so I helped him.

My second friend was Emma. There were so many students in my gym class, two people would have to SHARE lockers. Guess who I shared my locker with? She showed me her passion for writing and drawing, which reminded me of my old passion that had burned out. I picked up a pencil again and worked.

I drew and drew, and we traded pictures at sleepovers. “What should I draw?” Emma would ask. “Draw Tamama!” I shouted. We went back and forth until we got tired and her playlist full of Passenger and TØP ran out. We slept in the same bed. We were so close, people thought we were sisters.

It was seventh grade when I realized people saying that made me feel hurt.

Now, I didn’t really know anything about the LGBT+ Community. Hell, I hardly knew what it meant to be gay. I was ten when I first saw shonen-ai (which I mistakenly referred to as “yaoi” for many years), and I just thought “aw cute” and moved on. No one ever taught me about those things.

All my past crushes had been boys who never returned the feelings, so it confused me when I felt like that for a girl. I thought it was wrong, because I viewed Emma as a good little Christian girl who would never sin. I wasn’t religious, so I didn’t know how correct or incorrect I was.

One day she asked me who my crush was when I was at a club meeting. I couldn’t lie to my best friend, so I decided to tell her to wait until I got home. I locked myself in my room and just dropped hints for a while, getting more and more frustrated as she got more and more confused. I finally said “Emma” but she thought I was talking about another Emma. I was typing the words so hard as my hands shook.

“It’s YOU!”

“What?”

If you guys want some dramatic confession from her and us living happily ever after, too bad. That’s not what happened, life sucks. Get over it.

Emma is straight as a board, while I’m straight as a board broken in half with nails sticking out of it.

In 2014, I was starting to get a grasp on sexuality. Around the same time, I was given a warning by, guess who, Emma.

“Hey, Anna? I know you get into fandoms easily and become obsessed with them, so please don’t watch this anime called Hetalia. Okay?”

“Okay, I won’t.”

LIES!

I became intrigued after reading her crackfic. I needed to learn more. Stupid me accidentally saw World series first, then Axis Powers.

Then I realized there was a dub the whole time.

I like dub, shh.

Holy crap who is this adorable boy?! Japan, huh? Cool. Then who’s that cute boy? Russia. And-fuck it, they’re all attractive.

I think the first thing I wrote was USUK, since I finally had shipping down. It was called Libertea, and It SUCKED. I deleted it, so you can’t find it. The second thing I wrote was FrUK crack, which is still available. Not linking it, go find it yourself.

So I’m browsing the tumblr as usual when I saw a blog called aph-texts. Then I saw aph-texts-from-nordics. They were hilarious, and a thought came to mind.

“Holy shit, I wanna do that!”

So I stole borrowed the concept like an asshole a good person and made a couple on my main blog. When they blew up, I realized I had something. Boom, this blog was born.

As a plus, I realized who I was. A bisexual teenage girl. Things were looking great, until some people found out about that. They didn’t bug me, but they bugged Emma.

“Did you hear Anna is bi? Oh my god, does that make you bi too?”

This is why I keep my sexuality a secret. Not for me, for my friends. I’m not ashamed, I rocked that gay pride parade float our GSA Club made. It was nice to know who I was.

Except I didn’t know who I was.

I felt what I discovered was called “gender dysphoria”. I was always a bit of a tomboy, but suddenly things made sense. But I pushed it to the back of my mind and pretended it didn’t exist.

In 2017, I realized I was actually pansexual. I don’t give a shit what your gender is, I’ll love you anyways. After that, I realized I was asexual all this time. Again, things made sense. I was disgusted at the thought of sex, and the one time I tried to watch porn made me sick. But you do you.

I combined the two and made panromantic asexual, which is where I stand to this day. Something still wasn’t right, though. The gender dysphoria had grown until I couldn’t ignore it anymore, and this time I accepted it in early 2018.

I was a trans male.

I am a trans male!

Things were complete!

Haha, no. Did you really think it would be that easy?

I may go by Aaron Desmond and use he/him pronouns and have short hair, but that is hardly scratching the surface. Every day I see my breasts and get angry and sad. I need to pick up the binder I secretly ordered.

My friend Mark doesn’t approve. He’ll always see me as a girl, and find my sexuality wrong. “How can people not like sex?” Well, I just don’t. He’s going away for a while with no internet, so it gives me time to think about where our friendship will end up.

There’s still so many questions on what do do next. Bind? Top surgery? Testosterone? Bottom surgery? Packer (eh probably not)? How do I do any of this?

Emma tells me I can pass as a boy, but it seems a lot of people disagree. My voice gives it away. It was always kinda deep for a girl’s, but not deep enough.

HOLY SHIT I SOUND LIKE HARUHI FROM OHSHC

There’s really not much else to say, this is where I currently stand.

Sarah, now a boy named Allen. Emma, a girl I’m still deeply in love with no matter how much I deny it. Mark, a boy that couldn’t understand or respect me. My followers, who still support and love me.

And that’s my story that went on for way too long.

Happy Pride Month.

[3rdgymbros]

brutality runs in our blood

A/N: This is a secret santa present for @nekoumyu! Merry Christmas, dear and I hope you enjoy this! ( @bkdksecretsanta )

Read it on AO3 and Fanfiction.

“Deku.”

Bakugou’s voice and the feel of his hands sliding under his shirt pulls Izuku from the haze of sleep. Still groggy from morphine, the throbbing in his arms and legs momentarily dulled, Izuku mumbles a token protest as he’s shifted onto his side, and then the heat of Bakugou’s body is warming his back. One of his muscular arms wraps around Izuku’s waist, tucking him close.

Spooned with him, the biceps of his other arm hard beneath his freckled cheek, Izuku slides back into blissful unconsciousness.

When Izuku wakes again, it feels like days later. He lies on their shared sleigh bed with his eyes closed for long minutes, soaking in the reassuring warmth of Bakugou’s body and breathing in the air that smells of him – blood, ashes and the spicy scent of his skin – an eclectic mix that Izuku’s come to associate with his Kacchan. After a while, Izuku decides that he’s gotten enough rest; the combined exhaustion and pain from getting shot in all four limbs had taken their toll, and sleeping longer would only throw off his body clock even more.

“Kacchan?” Izuku mumbles, sleep roughening his voice. His mind feels clouded with fog, which he chalks up to the effect of the morphine flowing through his veins. “That you?”

“No, it’s hair for brains.” Bakugou grumbles, but his retort lacks its usual bite. Bakugou buries his face in Izuku’s hair, inhaling the sweet smell of his shampoo. “Yeah, it’s me. Who else would it be?”

Izuku huffs out a weak laugh. “Do you really want me to answer that?”

Bakugou growls, attacks his neck with tickling nips and kisses that draws a rusty-sounding laugh out of Izuku. It feels good to laugh, even if for just a little while. “You look like shit, by the way. The fuck happened to you?”

Izuku’s known Bakugou for a long time, long enough to pick up the underlying nuances in his voice, try as he might to hide them. Bakugou knows what happened at USJ, but wants to hear it from him. And so, after wrapping his arms over Bakugou’s and snuggling into him, Izuku tells him.

“Everything was going so well, but those damned pros showed up,” Izuku finishes bitterly. “They got Nomu, and all I got for my trouble was a body full of bullets.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there. It won’t happen again.” That’s enough to pull Izuku up short. Bakugou never apologizes; the fact that he wasn’t there for the attack at USJ must be tearing him up more than Izuku’s realised. His fingers draw gentle circles across Izuku’s stomach, caressing him through the silk of his shirt. “If it makes you feel any better, I took care of him.”

Izuku twists around to look at Bakugou. A slow smile spreads across his face. “You didn’t.”

“I did.” Bakugou’s answering smile is sharp and feral. “Left it with the Black Mist.”

“That does make me feel better.” Something new to add to his collection of heroes. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you.”

Izuku looks toward the windows and sees that night has fallen. “What time is it?”

“A little after eight.”

“What time did you get in?”

“Half past six.”

Izuku wriggles around to face him. “Early for you, hmm?”

“You were shot.” Bakugou says gruffly, refusing to answer the unspoken question.

But Izuku can easily draw his own conclusions.

“You were worried, Kacchan.” Izuku gloats, his voice glowing with triumph. “Come on now, don’t be shy. Admit it.”

Bakugou glares, but doesn’t deny it. Izuku one, Kacchan zero. “Yaoi Hands needs you at the hideout in an hour.”

“Great.”

He’s always found meeting new people to be fun. On days when Izuku is feeling particularly sadistic, he’ll casually drag out their deepest, darkest secrets, hit them in the place where it hurts the most. Watching how their faces pale when Izuku hits them with knowledge that he shouldn’t have access to is always entertaining and never fails to fill him with a vindictive pleasure, the joy of plucking wings off a helpless butterfly.

But not today when he feels like death warmed up.

“Bad news?”

“New kids to babysit.” Izuku drawls out lazily, dropping a quick kiss onto Bakugou’s mouth. “Play nice with them, won’t you, Kacchan?”

An hour later, Izuku finds himself perched atop a bar stool, his notebooks and two pinkish-coloured iced drinks in square tumblers splayed out on the shiny bar table in front of him. Bakugou settles on the seat beside Izuku, his arm draped behind Izuku so that his fingertips can brush casually and possessively up and down his arm.

One hot shower and a change of bandages later and Izuku feels almost human again. It might also have something to do with the hefty dose of Tylenol currently swimming through his system.

“Knock knock!” Itsuka opens the door with a flourish and a cloud of scent that smells like the inside of a bakery. Something sweet, with a hint of vanilla. She’s smiling, her pale, freckled face glowing against her halo of orange hair. Izuku takes that as a good sign. “I’ve brought the new recruits!”

After a cursory glance at the new additions – a glance more like a glower which is returned with equal coolness – Bakugou has turned his attention back to his own drink with calculated nonchalance, but Izuku knows that he’s studying the two intently – checking for clues, answers, unspoken things that night be useful to them.

The girl – Uraraka Ochako, Izuku’s mind supplies helpfully – has a heart-shaped face, with a clear, porcelain complexion, a strong chin, straight brows, and peach-blushed cheeks. Her eyes are caramel and match her hair perfectly. She’s dressed in a UA uniform ( how interesting, Izuku thinks ), but her girlish and innocent appearance belies the mania dancing in her eyes and the powers at the edges of her fingertips.

Her introduction is short and to the point – “I’m here ‘cause I need money. I wanna give my parents a better life.”

Fine. Cash in exchange for information. It’s not an unusual arrangement; Izuku can work with this. It’ll be useful to have a spy in UA, keeping tabs on the movements of the Pro Heroes. Easier to plan for the next surprise they have in store. Izuku nods because she seems to be waiting for a reaction.

The other one is far harder to read.

The boy – it’s frustrating to admit, but Izuku virtually has no information on him – is tall, a good foot of sturdy height on Izuku. A scar mars the otherwise paleness of his skin. Mismatched eyes of blue and brown, filled with the darkness and hatred that Izuku’s come to expect from a boy who’s spent all his life thriving in the dark. He lingers by the door, his hands shoved into his pockets.

His introduction is just as direct. “Shouto.”

Izuku raises an eyebrow. “Not very talkative, hmm?”

Shouto doesn’t reply.

“He’s pissing me off,” Bakugou announces, loud and grating as he tosses half his drink back in one go. “Shitty Half and Half.”

The temperature in the room drops.

Shouto’s eyes are narrowed into thin, angry slits, the only other outward sign of his displeasure . . . Is this what it takes to get genuine emotion out of him? How interesting. He files that knowledge away for later. Izuku slips his hand into Bakugou’s before the ash blond can explode and digs his nails into Bakugou’s palm. Hard.

“Now, now, Kacchan!” Izuku chirps, trying to diffuse the tension that settles over the room like a shroud. His tone is friendly, his eyes anything but. “What did I say about playing nice with others?”

Izuku’s message is clear – continue acting up and receive a lecture later, or suck it up and escape punishment. Bakugou gnashes his teeth together, but settles for glaring at Shouto, as though trying to kill him with the force of his gaze.

How childish, Izuku thinks fondly.

He knows the best way to calm Bakugou down, though.

Leaning over, Izuku kisses him. Bakugou’s mouth is cold and flavoured with alcohol-laced cranberry. Delicious. Izuku shoves a hand into ash blond hair and clenched it tight, holding him still so that he can't turn away. He bites the tongue that Bakugou thrusts aggressively into his mouth, then his lower lip, tasting blood.

He’s the first to pull away with a sigh.

Bakugou follows, nuzzling the side of Izuku’s face, his lips brushing over his ear. Bakugou’s breathing hard, too, and the sound of the ice in his tumbler clinking against the glass skitters across Izuku’s inflamed senses.

Panting, his stomach clenching in anticipation for what will inevitably happen later, Izuku breaths out a taunting, “Be good, Kacchan.”

It elicits an animalistic growl from Bakugou, and Izuku bubbles out a laugh, amused despite himself.

Itsuka clears her throat.

“Well?” She asks brightly, as if she hadn’t just seen that very public display of affection. Mentally, Izuku tells himself to give her a raise. She deserves it. “How ‘bout it, boss?”

Izuku smiles. It is not kind. It is one of jagged edges, of bared teeth and sharpened claws. “Welcome to the League of Villains.”