#it sucks because i LOVE messy fictional women

[pigeocore]

Are we fucking with Dethklok mom headcannons? Idk I have some very specific thoughts about Murderface and Toki's moms. More very long but fun info under the cut

Tammy was born and grew up in the same trailer park that her son would ultimatly inhabit. She was a louzy student, didn't care about grades, loved skipping school and there wasn't a single class she didn't spend chatting with the other girls. No suprise that she ultimatly dropped out of high school. For a while she worked odd jobs to justify Stella not kicking her out of the trailer up until she was a young adult. That's when she found her new purpouse: to become a star. She moved to the big city with big hopes and dreams, sighned up to every audition possible for pretty much everything, ready to take the hearts of Americans by storm. Anyway she quit that two months in because it was too much work and got hired as a waitress instead.

Murderface's dad, who I don't feel like giving a name to, was a regular at a diner that Tammy woked at. He was a middle class guy, a few years older than her with a relativly good job and a wife. He saw something in her and soon enough, Tammy became the other woman in his relationship. Although their affair wasn't strictly limited to intercourse, anything other than that was rather messy and the two were constaly on again and off again. That is until Tammy got pregnant and in a suprising decision, Murderface's dad decided to step up. He divorced his previous wife and married her instead, turning her from a poor waitress to a full-on picket fence housewife, something that he'd come to quickly regret. Their relationship started falling apart pretty much immidietly. When they weren't having screaming maches or mediocre sex, they didn't talk at all. He'd spend the whole day working or sitting in front of the TV drinking and she'd tend to the house. This tension was what would ultimatly lead him to commit the infamous murder-suicide.

Now, Tammy was not good at her job. In fact, she kinda sucked. Her cooking was terrible, she'd constantly half-ass any task she was given and would not take any criticism. Still, it was at least good enough to not make the house explode. Her not being nor striving to be the picture-perfect housewife was what ended up alienating her from a lot of other women around her. Still, she didn't care about fitting in with those girls, she saw the as "pompous bitches" and continued doing her thing

A lot of that attitude also carried over to her parenting. She was very irresponsible, although most of her behaviour stemed from lack of knowlage rather than anything purpouseful. Tammy was totally the kind of mom to leave her baby alone in the car while she went shopping or let it crawl around the house unsupervised. Once again, she would not take ANY criticism about her parenting techniques. Still, she did geniuanly love Willy a lot for what it was worth. Her son ment the world to her and god forbid anyone call him ugly. Whenever her husband, who unlike her had a lot of distaste for their baby, tried to say anything on the matter she'd fight him until the neighbours were calling the cops due to noise complains

She also had a bit of a morbid side to her. She loved violent movies and would sneak into grindhouse theaters on occassions, especially when she was younger. Truly a shame she died before Texas Chainsaw Massacre came out. She would've been ecstatic to hear her son joined a death metal band, although I don't think she would've supported all of his shenanigans.

Also she looks like Murderface because I think it would be really funny if he just looked like every woman in his family lol

Anna, nicknamed Andzia by her family was born in the polish region of lubelszczyzna in a fictional village of Jagiellonki Książęce Kościelne trzecie A-Kolonia. It was the kind of village where there was nothing except a church, roadside shrine and a few homes. Her family were farmers, she spend a good chunk of her childhood picking fruits and tending to farm animals.

In school, she was considered an excellent student, both due to her behaviour and preformance. She was very quiet and well behaved, always stuck in her own little world and never getting in any trouble. She also had really good grades. Andzia especially excelled at language learning, something that'd come to be very useful for her in the future. She wasn't very interested in persuing an academic career though and cared more about other stuff, including helping her parents around the farm

Another thing she cared about very deeply was her religion. She went to mass every sunday, pray every day before going to bed, took part in every possible church activity and even sung in the church choir. She was proud of being a christian, always looking for ways to become even more devoted. However, she wasn't always the nicest about her belifs and tended to secretly judge other christians who did less than her

Andzia met her future husband through complete coincidence. They both happend to be on seprate pilgrimages to the same holy site, it was tradition in Aslaug's cult that before taking the role of the reverend the man must go on a spiritual journey for one last time. The two just kinda bumped into eachoter and ended up clicking. Andzia saw Aslung's belifs as a way for her to become an even better christian and Aslaug saw her as a good fit for a wife. She stayed with him after her group departed from the site and within a month, the two were engaged and organizing a way for her to leave Poland. Andzia came to Norway and officially joined the cult through marrige a few months later, something that would've probably happend sooner if leaving Poland through less legal means at the time was a bit easier. She took the name Anja Wartooth in order to assimilate better into her new Norwegian family. Toki was born a year later

I know a lot of people like to headcannon Anja as a victim of abuse in the same way that Toki was, but I personally see her as someone who was very much complicit in her son's treatment. Although I don't think Aslaug was the best husband to her, she still treated Toki just as badly as he did and though she now thinks she may have sometimes went bit too far, she doesn't really see herself as in the wrong

Overall her and Toki's relationship is not good. TLDR: She always saw him as a dissapointment and if she could, she would've had other kids to replace him with (Unfortunatly she and her husband didn't have any luck conceving again, which they blamed on Toki too for some reason). He on the other hand really wants to love her but can't help but rightfully feel resentful and hate her for all she did to him

Despite that, Anja cared enough for her son to teach him a bit of polish and some facts about their culture. Toki then continued learning from the polish books she brought with her from back home (He didn't have much to do inbetween work, praying and punishments) and actually ended up being almost fluent in it at some point. Currently he has gone rusty but still knows enough to read some signs and order some beer at the bar, which was enough to impress the band at their first international tour

One last fun fact: As you can guess, Aslaug's cult dennounced the pope which was really hard on Anja because like every polish person at the time she fucking loved John Paul II. He was her secret true love/celebrity crush, despite everything she secretly kept a picture of him in her room. When she discovered he died somewhere during the events of Dethfam she was DEVISTATED. Toki on the other hand is a rzułta morda meme connosiour.

[altschmerzes]

I looked up the series you talked about and you're telling me that all in the g*me is that book series I keep hearing about, and despite having cool names like "the f*xhole court" and "raven k*ng" it doesn't even have the decency to be a fantasy??? It's a SPORTS series?!?! Unforgiveable

But in all seriousness I've heard about these books a lot and now that I know they're Bad in every way any sliver of interest i might have had is gone.

i’ll defend it being a sports series being as i extremely enjoy both sports and sports fiction and think sports fiction has a lot of untapped potential for character exploration and dynamics etc etc except that this shite is so nominally sports fiction it’s laughably insulting to the concept

spirit however bad i made it sound, it’s so much worse, and if i can save even ONE person from getting pulled into that bullshit it will all be worth it. people recommended it to me for years bc my original novel is sports fiction and it’s such an insulting comparison like I HOPE my writing is nothing like this lmao!!

i can just SEE now this fandom which is um. scary. in its devotion to this series and author being the best thing since sliced bread. throwing absolute tantrums about how i just can’t handle MESSY CHARACTERS and COMPLICATED QUEER STORIES but it’s like the problem isn’t that the characters and story are messy and complicated the problem is that they’re really poorly written - like to an embarrassing extent poorly written - and every page of those books drips with hatred of women, weirdness of various kinds about people of colour, simultaneous fascination and revulsion with gayness, and trauma fetishization that goes far beyond extreme. like it’s fine that the love interest is ~toxic or whatever he just sucks to read about. my wife and i are working on a blog sorta. going through it chapter by chapter because there’s too much in there that’s both insane and violently terrible to some entire category of people to summarize it overall.

I just can’t believe anyone could enjoy this stuff. like i like some garbage don’t get me wrong. i don’t have High Standards or whatever. but this is like… the bigotry in these books is nauseating and the writing is so bad it makes me embarrassed to read it. every time i’m reminded it’s got this huge fandom I’m baffled. and then i remember the waifish white boys who are like a pinterest board with bloody knuckles and cigarette smoke come to life and im like oh right lmao.

[bossymarmalade]

I’m enraged about girlbosses again today (just like every day) and I just. If you truly do like that dynamic, a woman who is adored by a man and she basically mocks him for it and even her bad traits are actually awesome, then cool! I hope you find all the girlboss/malewife dynamics that your heart desires.

But I despise that otherwise good fictional hetero relationships get painted with this same reductive brush. That the woman is admirable no matter what, and that even the man’s love for her makes him ridiculous. That he’s lucky to be with her, and she’s the only thing making him worthwhile. I saw this about Sheila and Joel Hammond the other day and nearly blew a gasket. 

y’all this is the opposite of feminism. This is like taking feminism out back and running it over with the car. There’s no good interpretation of it. Either:

a) she actually IS perfect, because god knows women can’t be flawed in the same ugly messy ways that men are and be good characters so in truth everything she does is in fact Right; b) he really IS garbage but she keeps him around for ... why? What?; or c) he truly is in love with her and wants her, and she finds this utterly laughable (but don’t stop with the compliments!) because we all know that women are insecure sucking voids who need to be desired but are so self-loathing that any man who loves them must be dumb as shit, awww, poor ickle sexy babygirl

I just do not understand what the appeal is in taking pairings like Leia/Han and acting as if Han should kiss the ground Leia walks on while she routinely devalues him. Why are you allergic to partners in a partnership? Why does celebrating the woman mean denigrating the man? What kind of weak-ass mean-spirited women are you people wanting to see in media?? EXPLAIN IT TO ME PLEASE

[damaramegido]

what up what up i’m ACEY and i’m the bad lesbian representation you truly deserve on your dash

she/they, butch femby, masc-presenting but fem-aligned if that makes sense

whole-ass adult, 31 (2/18)

world’s most useless lesbian (source: the group chat)

writer and artist, currently in college studying screenwriting 

cartoon appreciator

known femslash enjoyer and trash shipper 

occasionally horny on main (but i tag that shit)

my favorite things include they might be giants, steven universe, rats, and Women

no really i love all of those things so much

ask me about tmbg or su and you WILL get an impassioned infodump and i will relish every moment

winner of the "was right about pearl this whole time" trophy, burdened by having the Most Correct Pearl Opinions forever ama

queen of godawful trash hell pearlrose (the kind where everyone kinda sucks)

unhinged pearlmethyst tinhatter (they're divorced and reconciling you can't change my mind)

lapsed homestuck

accidental cat dad (his name is philly cheesesteak and i love him)

currently attempting to blog the entire simpsons and slowly writing a dumb pearlmethyst road trip humanstuck

yes, i’m the one who wrote pearl, interrupted/wrote the two trucks sonnet/fucked up some homestuck shrinky dinks one time

ao3: AceyEnn

youtube: Acey!

substack: aceynickel.substack.com (home of simpsons sundays!)

art blog: @duendedefined

writing blog: @tellemthestoryraindrop

blog policies, notes, etc.

i tag pretty thoroughly (including content warnings) but i generally don't take requests except from friends, sorry!

askbox is open please send me questions about my fanfics and/or fun material to riff on

bigots and bullies will be blocked on sight. so will general assholes who bother me enough. aside from that anyone can interact idgaf

minors are free to follow but please remember that i'm a grown-ass adult and sometimes make dirty jokes on here and reblog questionable content! be sure to block #nsfw to avoid nsfw images and #mildly nsfw to avoid dirty text if you're following me while underage, i don't want any of us getting in trouble!

i try to avoid political content on my blog because quite frankly i value my mental health and the discourse on this hellsite is abominable but for the record: i'm a democratic socialist and generally opposed to all bigotry and genocide and brutality and shit like that. also please fucking vote i'm begging you

i like hell content and messy relationships in fiction and i'm not about to stop but please just keep me out of your discourse. i am literally thirty or forty years old i'm too old for that shit. i know what i'm about, i know i live in the trash pile, and honestly it's pretty great. all my horrifying ideas are conceived by me going "hey wouldn't it be fucked up if this happened?" and running with it. if you don't like it then click away.

john hlans. burg bi sexu

here is a picture of my cat that @neurogabu edited

(more userboxes, etc)

[no-literally]

10 books

Rules: 10 books for people to get to know you better, or that you just really like.

Tagged by @lyriclorelei​ and oh boy did I end up going on a lot about these picks!

The Monster at the End of this Book by Jon Stone - I was so extremely a Sesame Street-raised child. This book taught me about meta humor and histrionics, both of which I adore in my media today.

Maida’s Little Shop by Inez Hayes Gilmore - This is a book my grandmother read as a girl, and then my mother read as a girl, and then I got to read. It’s about a rich and sick girl who leaves her family to start a shop (with adult supervision) and finally makes friends. It taught me about pig latin and popcorn balls. (Also, turns out the author was a feminist journalist, so we love that.)

Meet Samantha by Susan S. Ader - I promise I didn’t just read books about wealthy girls from the turn of the century as a child! But I did get HEAVILY sucked in by the American Girl dolls, and I’ve gotten pulled right back as a pandemic comfort coping mechanism. Re-reading this book, I realized it influenced my creative writing, my sense of justice, and my understanding of how to be a good friend.

The Realm of Possibility by David Levithan - As a teenager, this book of interconnected poems from different characters let me feel like I was listening in on a full school’s worth of teenage issues and feelings. It taught me compassion; it let me feel less alone.

As You Like It by William Shakespeare - Seeing this play in college might have been when I fell in love with plays (I’d say theater, but I was sold on musicals by age 8). It’s more or less where my fake dating obsession starts. Give me a ship this messy any day.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro - This book is SO SAD and SO BEAUTIFUL and I’m glad I watched the movie to stay in the world a little bit longer. My Andrew Garfield and Carey Mulligan obsessions are due to this book.

Angels in America by Tony Kushner - Another sprawling obsession: I saw the HBO series, I immediately borrowed a copy of the play(s), I bought my own copy of the play, I saw the play(s) in real life, I saw the play(s) filmed for National Theater Live. Now I’m gearing up for another round of obsession when I read the oral history sitting on my bookshelf. I love these characters, the magical realism, the real-life people mixed with fictional ones, and the hope in the ending.

A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan - This book helped me realize I LOVE linked short stories that share a variety of perspectives. (In creating this list, I’m seeing just how many books I love are proof of that!) I’ve read other favorites, like Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi and There There by Tommy Orange, because this book taught me I loved this genre. Also, it has a chapter that’s just powerpoint slides? LOVE that.

The Wicked + The Divine comics by Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie - This comic is so well thought-out that random lines and visuals in the first issue reference the plot points of the last. A comic series about fandom, power, mythology, and inspiration. Plus, a murder mystery! I enjoyed every issue, even the one that really, honestly, had too much gore for my liking.

The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite - This was the book that got me into romance novels, which would have been enough of a gift on its own! But in addition to being a wonderful intro to the genre, it stars two women who are passionate about their work (though that work is very different), a romance plot that is people-focused instead of circumstance, and a thesis about who writes history and why notable women’s legacies are willfully erased by the patriarchy. A great, gorgeous read. 

Tagging: @onthecyberseas @dollsome-does-tumblr @homeschoolpromqueen @trianamars @nicoleanell @strix-alba

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Maeve//i don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you

Request: Could you please do something else with Maeve? Perhaps something where reader works with Maeve on an English project and she's surprised that they have so much in common. She realizes she has feelings for her somehow after that? Sorry that's sort of rubbish, have a swell day/night.

hey! what’s up everybody! i hope everyone is well, and i hope you like this!! title is from ‘the lakes’ by taylor swift! 

- English projects are never fun 

- I mean, who finds constant stress and a deadline that’s always far too close fun?

- Nobody

- That’s who

- Well apart from Mrs Jones

- Your year 9 English teacher who made every minute of her classes a living hell

- And who mysteriously went missing half way through the year after having a screaming match with a fellow English teacher

- When she was supposed to be teaching you Romeo & Juliet. 

- One day she was accusing Miss Newman of being a terrible teacher and purposefully bumping up students grades so she looked better 

- And the next day both her and Miss Newman were gone 

- And you only got a replacement teacher when you moved into year 10

- Right now though 

- Its seems Miss Sands is going through some stuff 

- Because not only did she give you an assignment on Friday with a deadline of Monday 

- She also chose your partners instead of letting you choose your own

- Which is why you’re stood outside of Maeve’s in the pouring rain

- On a frankly miserable Saturday morning 

- It seems the weather knew exactly what sort of weekend you were facing 

- And decided to make it even worse. 

- By the third knock 

- You’re about to give up 

- The curtains are still drawn 

- And you’ve seen more movement in a graveyard 

- Plus

- You kind of already assumed you would be doing the project alone 

- Maeve Wiley was known for being very...

- ...independant 

- And group projects are no different 

- You actually think she may be more independent during group projects

- So as soon as Miss Sands paired you together 

- You knew 

- You were 99% sure that 

- You’d do your thing

- She’d do hers 

- And then five minutes before the presentation 

- You would figure out a way to connect the two.

- Anywayyyy

- While daydreaming about a time when you won’t have any assignments 

- And making awkward, accidental eye contact with Maeve’s neighbours 

- The door in front of you opens 

- Simultaneously giving you a fright and almost knocking you out

- She yawns and scratches the top of her head 

- ‘what are you doing here?’ 

- She sounds both tired and annoyed and you blink at her a few times before answering 

- ‘er - i - the project. for english.’ 

- It takes her a few seconds to process what you’ve said 

- But when she does 

- She looks even more miserable than she did five seconds ago

- And you brace yourself for a long weekend 

- She sighs and rolls her eyes 

- Before slowly opening the door properly and letting you in

- You feel slightly nervous as you walk in 

- But you really have no idea why

- It’s not like she’s a complete stranger 

- But then again 

- She’s not exactly a friend 

- ‘don’t worry, i’ve hidden the drugs. i don’t really like to share anyway.’ 

- ‘what?’ you ask confused and she rolls her eyes again 

- She huffs and crosses her arms before nodding to the slightly messy living room

- ‘i get it. we’re a bunch of benefit fraud chavs that do nothing but drink and smoke all day.’ 

- ‘that’s not what i was thinkin-’ 

- ‘sure it wasn’t.’ she rolls her eyes and you stare down at the floor. ‘i need to get changed so make yourself at home I suppose.’ 

- She walks into what you assume is her bedroom and slams the door behind her 

- Leaving you to stand awkwardly in the middle of the living room

- It’s small and slightly cramped 

- And most people would say that all the stuff makes it look busy 

- But to you 

- It’s wonderful 

- It’s filled with stories and memories 

- Some self explanatory 

- Some slightly more bizarre 

- Like the wonky blue and yellow clay swan living on the coffee table 

- You really want to know the story behind it 

- But decide it might be a little early in your partnership to start asking about her attachment to a half swan, half moth looking ornament

- So instead you pick up a pile of books on the dining table and move them onto the floor 

- You can hear Maeve opening and closing drawers while humming a familiar tune 

- And you feel yourself relax slightly as you place your laptop and books where the books were previously sat 

- Even if it does feel like you’re using all of your braincells to try and figure out where you’ve heard it before 

- ‘wow, do you actually trust me around that?’ 

- ‘what?’ you stop humming and look up at her 

- She looks between you and the laptop, staring at you expectantly 

- ‘oh no. i mean of course i do.’ you blush and she shakes her head before sitting opposite you 

- ‘so what do we know about women in fiction?’ 

- ‘historically they are written as either a femme fatalle type or some sort of innocent angelic being.’ 

- ‘they still are’ 

- ‘true’ you agree and flick through your textbook

- ‘why don’t we write about that then?’ 

- ‘what? how we’re still depressingly far back in the equality movement, despite being told otherwise?’ 

- She stares at you for a few seconds 

- A mixture of shock and surprise 

- Before nodding 

- And smiling 

- An actual genuine smile 

- You didn’t even know she could do that 

- Well you did 

- Of course you did 

- But you just haven’t seen it a lot 

- Usually when you see Maeve 

- She’s either mad, grumpy or very, very, very angry

- But her smiling 

- Puts a smile on your face 

- And this was definitely not where you thought this was going 

- ‘yeah...that’ 

- ‘okay.’ you shrug. ‘you can do classic literature because i know you prefer them and i’ll cover modern works.’

- ‘how do you know i prefer classics?’ 

- ‘the pile of books’ you nod towards the floor and she follows your gaze, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. ‘they’re all ripped and folded. you either love them or really, really hate them’ 

- ‘okay’ she eyes you suspiciously as you focus on your laptop 

- And you can feel your cheeks heat up under her gaze 

- However as quickly as they were there 

- They disappear 

- And the two of you fall into a surprisingly comfortable silence. 

- After about half an hour 

- Maeve stops what she’s doing to stretch 

- ‘is it okay if i play some music?’ 

- ‘sure, it’s your place. do what you want...as long as its not awful’ 

- ‘and what constitutes as awful?’ she asks, a smirk playing on her lips

- ‘well’ 

- And with that one question 

- Your entire day disappears in front of you 

- Laptops and books are closed and long forgotten 

- And instead you talk about music and movies 

- Books and plays 

- Characters that you love and hate 

- And the fact that her favourite character is the one you hate the most 

- She makes you lunch while you debate between movies and books and which adaptations are good

- And which ones should never have been made

- And you clean up and apologise profusely after a stray cushion (possibly thrown by you) ends up knocking the pan over 

- Surprisingly 

- She finds it quite funny 

- And you let out a relieved sigh

- Soon the sun goes down on another day 

- And you’ve barely written two paragraphs done between you

- ‘do you want to stay?’ she asks while your putting your jacket on

- If she’d asked you that this morning 

- You would have thought she had lost it 

- But now it feels almost inevitable 

- And you feel genuinely lucky to be asked 

- Not many people get to know Maeve 

- The real her 

- And that last person she told all of this to broke her heart 

- Very publicly 

- And she told herself she would never let herself be that vulnerable with someone ever again

- But this just feels right 

- For some reason you feel right 

- She feels safe with you 

- And part of her hates herself for it 

- But then again 

- She hates herself for not getting to know you sooner

- She feels far too attached to you 

- And it’s barely been twelve hours 

- You of course agree to stay 

- Shocking yourself and her 

- And while she sorts to sofa out 

- You excuse yourself to the bathroom 

- Under the pretences of telling your parents where you are 

- It takes two seconds to text them 

- And the other 28 to ask yourself 

- What the fuck are you doing? 

- Why are you agreeing to this? 

- Why do you feel like this? 

- What are you feeling?

- Who knows?

- Not you 

- Great 

- Now you’ve been in the bathroom for a suspicious amount of time 

- Just get it together, Y/n

- It’s just a study sleepover 

- Maeve gives you a questioning look as you leave 

- ‘you know how mums are. always worrying about where you are and what you’re doing’ 

- ‘i wouldn’t actually’ she shrugs and your eyes widen 

- ‘oh shit, sorry. i’m so sorry. god, i’m an idiot.’

- ‘it’s fine’ she forces a laugh and you wince. ‘i got you an extra duvet and little women is ready to watch so i can show you that the book is better’ 

- ‘that’s not what i said and you know it’ 

- ‘i’m sorry. i can’t hear you over the sound of me being 100% right and you being 100% wrong.’ 

- ‘you may be good at english, but you suck at maths’ 

- The next day you wake up to the sun shining through the curtains 

- And a clump of Maeve’s hair in your mouth 

- You splutter and cough and wake her up quickly 

- And she jumps away from you and smacks her head of the table 

- The two of you ended up moving the blankets to the floor while watching Pride and Prejudice 

- And neither of you bothered to move back 

- Maeve yawns and scratches her head

- Exposing a small part of her stomach and you feel yourself become a little breathless 

- ‘are you okay?’ 

- ‘ye-yeah’ you nod and she eyes you suspiciously 

- ‘whatever’ she shrugs and starts making breakfast 

- You watch as she pours to bowls of cereal

- Giving you the last of the milk 

- And for a second you’re a little worried as to how she knew you liked it 

- But then you remember that she also likes it and you had a whole discussion about the best and worst types of cereal at 2am 

- And half way through breakfast 

- You remember the original reason you’re here 

- And both of you curse loudly 

- Before rushing to finish eating 

-You get half way through your project 

- When Maeve asks if you want to go out for a bit 

- And well 

- She doesn’t need to ask you twice 

- And by the time you come back 

- The feeling you had last night returns 

- And has settled in your stomach 

- For the foreseeable future it seems 

- It makes you feel both light and heavy at the same time 

- And when you look at her 

- You feel dizzy 

- So you rush to finish the project 

- So you can go home and pretend nothing has changed 

- And yeah 

- With the need to leave 

- You get the rest of the assignment done fairly quickly 

- But you end up leaving feeling more confused about Maeve as you did when you started this 

- Maybe Miss Sands was right about a weekend project 

- Any longer and you would have gone insane trying to figure out whatever the hell this is 

- You just have to get through tomorrow and then you’ll be okay 

- Everything will go back to normal 

- You and Maeve can go back to being neutral to each other

- And you won’t have to deal with all of these confusing feelings that have decided to make an appearance for some reason 

- Wellll

- Turns out Miss Sands was wrong 

- A weekend is not enough time 

- And the first few presentations are awful 

- To put it nicely 

- So you spend the next week in a permanent confused state 

- Confused as to why you start looking for Maeve whenever you enter a room

- Confused as to why your heart skips a beat whenever you hear her laugh 

- Confused as to why you never want her stop talking in class 

- Even if the bell has rung and it’s lunch 

- Confused to why you keep looking for excuses to go over to see her 

- Despite your assignment being long done 

- And even more confused as to why you feel anxious when you’re waiting for her to answer the door

- The next Monday rolls around both painfully slowly and far too quickly 

- And while you wait for Ola and Danny to finish their presentation 

- Your hands shake with anxiety while your grip your papers 

- Maeve reaches over the table and gives them a reassuring squeeze 

- But it just makes them shake more and she slowly pulls back 

- Your turn can’t come quick enough 

- But then it’s over far too quickly 

- And you slump back down in your seat disappointed 

- Despite Miss Sands’ praise 

- Because it’s over 

- You no longer have an excuse to hang out with her 

- You never talked before 

- So why do you care about after 

- But there’s so much about her that you want to know

- Like the weird swan/moth hybrid 

- And the ugly plate that sits on top of the bookshelf 

- You want to be part of these stories 

- You want to be able to point to these things and say

- ‘yeah, i know exactly why that is special to you’ 

- You want to be the reason to add to this random collection of stuff 

- You want her to smile when she looks at them because they’ll remind her of you 

- You want her to smile when she looks at you 

- ‘y/n? are you okay?’ she asks making you jump 

- The classroom is now empty and you didn’t even notice the bell go 

- ‘ye-yeah’ you nod and grab your bag

- ‘are you sure?’ she grabs your arm forcing you turn around 

- ‘whats the weird swan thing on your coffee table?’ you ask and she furrows her eyebrows at you. ‘it’s just i saw it when i first came over and i really want to know the story behind it’ 

- ‘oh. aimee went through a pottery phase last year and that was the only thing she made that didn’t have a hole in it.’

- ‘and the plate?’ 

- ‘birthday present from my neighbours’ 

- ‘they got you a plate?’ 

- ‘yeah, they don’t have any kids’ 

- ‘clearly’ 

- Silence fills the room and you stare at the peeling posters behind her head 

- You can feel Maeve move closer to you and your breath hitches when she stops a few centimetres in front of you 

- She grabs your hand and squeezes it again 

- And your heartbeat increases 

- ‘y/n?’ 

- ‘yeah?’ 

- ‘i’m really, really confused right now. like more confused that i have ever been in my life. but what i do know, is that if i watch you walk out of that door without saying anything first, then i’d regret it for the rest of my life. i’ve only ever felt like this about boys before, but now i feel this and more about you and i have no idea where it’s come from or what i need to do, but i do know i need to tell you. because otherwise, it wouldn’t be fair for either of us’ she whispers and you stare at her wide eyed 

- ‘can i kiss you?’ she asks and you nod your head quickly 

- Slowly she leans in

- Her eye flutter closed and you follow 

- Your lips brush over hers 

- Her hands wrap around you waist to pull you close

- And then your lips connect 

- And you feel everything change 

- She kisses you slowly 

- And when you pull away you both feel breathless 

- Her cheeks are bright red 

- And there’s a shy smile playing on her lips as she looks at you bashfully

- And all of a sudden you feel really grateful for Miss Sands and her personal issues 

- Although you really hope they are resolved now 

- For your sake as well as hers

support my writing! if you want! 

[tomatograter]

Could I ask for your thoughts on Rose and her connections to the other kids? I think that Rose is one character that many people just boil down to "goth alcoholic lesbian" and it bugs me a lot, so I would like to see a different and nuanced analysis on her.

I've gone back and forth in answering this (or rather HOW to answer this) for a long while. I think Rose is one of the most crucial characters for Homestuck as a narrative, and she's incidentally always been one of my favorites. What i mean by this is that explaining rose is hard, in the way that 'summarizing every other HS subplot' is hard. Objectively, I can’t tell you why rose is good, much in the same way i can’t force you to like pineapple on pizza, but i can try to explain why *i* like rose.

So I'll try to start with a statement: Rose is a difficult little girl. She’s not sweet or compliant or naturally inclined to be motherly or comforting or even KIND, broadly speaking. She’s a cynic, a hater, and a proto-intellectual who wants to feel like she has already figured out everything that has to be ‘figured’ about the world. (Spoiler alert, the conclusion is “it sucks. Blow it to bits.”)

The things that upset her the most are the things she doesn’t know or cannot make sense of. Why does her mother act in such erratic ways? Why does she constantly debase herself in shameful displays of negligent rationality and responsibility? Is it all a game to her? Is this how all adults are, messy and unkempt and deranged? (According to Freud, whose’s name is certainly mentioned enough by Fellow Online TruthSeekers Of The Human Psyche to be considered the utmost authority in just about everything there is to know, no questions asked, the response is “i guess?”) What the fuck even happened to her cat, anyway? Anybody got a baseline 101 on mortality? Does anyone know what the fuck is going on, ever? Is humanity fated to an automated cycle of dull incompetence??????

Rose hoards and utilizes even the most esoteric forms of knowledge as her shield, sword, and building blocks against the fog of uncertainty most people describe as ‘reality’. To truly know something is to rob it of its power and make it your own, ensuring you are not only safe, but impervious to any harm it could possibly cause. Her ambition and defiance set her apart even from the other betas, who wanted to follow the rules and invest in teamwork. Where jade is whimsical and vaguely helpful in a informative tutorial pixie-like way, rose’s advice is delivered via sarcastic remarks and looking for cheats by conversing with the devil. She antagonizes the patronizing questline she's been given in favor of ripping SBURB a new one. Rose is firstly concerned with improving herself, and then maybe sort of (kind of, nothing is settled on stone, what happens, happens) pass it onto her own if they REALLY cant figure it out. There’s a sense that she would sacrifice just about anything to granted the ultimate form of knowledge, the appropriate response and middle-finger to anything, and she hungers for it, which proves to be a little self-destructive. 

Except as much as she wants to put up a veneer of detached, individualistic intellectualism, she still cares far too much for the simplest human accomplishments. She cares for her friends. She envies the lives they've led, and they sound so intriguing when compared to her sterile routine. Her pet cat was once her biggest companion and source of comfort, and finding him dead crushes her. She legitimately would've liked to have a good relationship with her mom, which as we all know ends up more or less the same way. (I tend to disagree with most people who treat rose's living situation as 'pretty good/dramaticized', having a guardian who's almost never sober isn't a comedic or easy experience.) Her quest is borne out of insecurity, uncertainty, and stubbornly trying to prove herself right. Because somebody has to be.

Her faults are just as interesting to me as her qualities, for all the 'mean goth lesbian' talk the way she misses her mother and tries to reverse-engineer a connection with her beyond the grave by dabbling with the same poisons is incredibly compelling, and speaks to a side of rose's many people take for granted: she doesn't have all the answers. She's improvising. She's, like, 15 years old and trying so hard to come off as a badass but she can barely contain her wondering babble long enough to show up for an important date in time. Even in her self-sabotage rose is earnest.

This isn't the sort of narrative you usually see applied to women in fiction, or even when it IS applied, it is only to admonish their efforts and promptly slot them into a love-interest shaped hole. (Because yeah, rose being a lesbian and not falling for any of the assumed important guys does matter very much actually.) Even her turn to grimdarkness pulls from tropes reserved to epic gritty brooding male heroes- avenging her family, wrecking anything and everything in her path, Frank Castle Punisher style. I like rose because she's like matilda, if matilda went wretched sick at age 11 and took the first chance she saw to pierce an ogre through the eyes and ride its corpulent cadaver down a waterfall. She's an unrepentant monstress, cloaking herself in mythos that justify the existence of the unknowable and unjustifiable when rationality predictably falls short of truth, and a snooty little know-it-all who wants to create something so raw and important people will have no choice but know her name, and most importantly, she gets away with it. 

[lynnwowiezowie]

I watched the 1 st episode of season 2 of bird girl and it was pretty messy, but interesting. The few amount of birdgirl episodes aI have watched have bored me, so I find it better to be interested at a messy episode. It was cool that birdgirl is Ace? But also strange that she needs to masturbate in the scene to save the day. I also kinda am a sucker for seeing lgbt flags being slapped around in the b-plot since I know majority of them. I was watching it with dudes and we accidentally ended up watching a slew of adult comedies aimed at women Harley Quinn, Tuca and Bertie, and Birdgirl. I like the other two shows much better, but watching these shows with men can sometimes feel strange since they don't get a lot of the femme sexuality stuff. Feels very freeing seeing femme sexuality talked about in comedies. It doesnt really comes of as trying to be shock humor and comes of as more trying to normalize sexuality with humor. Tuca and Bertie is very reflective of a lot of bs women have to deal with and it kinda sucks seeing guys not be able to get it.

I really relate to both guys and girls. I would love to be able to blend into a situation with men or women and have fun. To bad I hate sports so that can be a little hard with my family. Media has always has a biased for Men making it so everyone is conditioned to be able to relate with fictional men because it was sometimes the only option. It didn't help that women were often stuffed into cliche boring roles. Sucks when people wont even try to relate to Women characters despite everyone else practically being forced to relate Men characters.

Also it kinda sucks having roommates that don't have much of a sex drive since I ever only get to engage with the topics with stuff on TV and the internet. That's kinda a me problem thou, lol.

[cavehags]

i realize this will probably bring up old drama so you might not want to answer it. but do you ever regret, however on purpose or on accident, bringing all that unnecesary hate towards Katara? i'm really sad and dissapointed tbh. i'm a woman of color and katara was so important to me growing up. my favorite animated woman ever. and then this resurgence comes and theres so, so much unnecesary hatred for her and everyone ignoring everything that makes her a good character.

(2/3) 2- and you know, i expected this from the male side of the fandom. they were misogynistic to her and the others even back then so i would expect it to be even worse with how internet culture is more mysogistic now that ever. and i wasnt wrong. male atla fans had some truly horrible takes and views that just came across as racism and misogyny. but, i expected these circles to be better. to be a safe space for us woc who love this character. but i found the same weird hatred for her.

(3/3) 3-i just, i cant believe i feel less welcome now that i did even back then. and back then i didnt even paricipate really. but at least i could enjoy fandom content without stumbling into misogyny and racism every other post. also sorry for sending this to your personal blog b i just wanted to let you know you controbuted to that too even if it wasnt your intention. at least you realized that and arent contributing to it anymore right? cause honestly the hate has only gotten worse not less.

hey anon. thanks for asking this question, because i hadn’t addressed this topic previously and this gave me an opportunity to do so. 

no, i don’t regret publicly interpreting a character whom i love through a nuanced and human lens. and i don’t regret combating the one-dimensional interpretation of this character, which posits that she’s merely an vaguely defined object of attraction for some boy or another, and a singularly gentle, mature, maternal figure whose sole purpose in life is to nurture others. those interpretations suck. they rob her of the humanity and complexity that make her character unique and they stem from misogynistic tropes that reduce women to the services they can provide to men. the thing in the world that matters most to me is fighting misogyny, and this trend to diminish a proud and powerful and angry teenage girl by exaggerating only her most socially acceptable traits is misogyny. 

unlike you, i did not grow up watching avatar: the last airbender. the shows i watched growing up did not have a lot of girls who felt real to me. the girls i saw on tv growing up were simple. they were the main characters’ crushes. they were simple, desirable, usually sweet and loving, and not much else. if they had a flaw, it was that they were, at best, “awkward.” whatever that means. or if they were the protagonists, which was rare, they were nice enough and tried to do the right thing, but they never had strong feelings like resentment and anger. they weren’t allowed to be unfeminine which meant they weren’t allowed to be bitter, angry or in any way flawed. they didn’t look like the version of girlhood i knew to be true for me personally, which included a lot of anger and frustration and powerlessness. 

that crappy representation left me with internalized misogyny that chased me for longer than i’d like to admit. i did not learn to think of girls as humans who could be as interesting and flawed and messy as the boys were. i did not value myself as a girl, and later a woman, because i thought the best thing a girl could be was... bland. boring. pretty, but empty. passionless.

it would have meant the world to me to see a character like katara. 

because katara is angry. she has every right to be: she’s had so much stolen from her, including her mother, her people, and her childhood. katara has a short fuse. she yells. she snaps. she fucks up. sometimes she makes mean jokes! i never saw a single one of those dreamily perfect cartoon love interests make mean jokes when i was a kid. she is extremely idealistic--it’s her defining character trait--but we see the bad side of that as well as the good. we see that her need to help others  leads her to act rashly, to get herself into danger, to put others in danger too. 

and she has her very own arc. it’s not about her love for another person, either (what a snooze of a storyline); it’s about growing up and learning to break down some of that stubborn black-and-white thinking that we all indulge in as children. it’s a true coming-of-age arc and it belongs to a fourteen-year-old girl. 

when i, to use a phrase i find crass, “entered the fandom,” i quickly realized that other fans’ perceptions of katara did not line up with the things i valued most about her. other fans seemed to valorize her most socially acceptable feminine qualities: her generosity, her kindness, her dedication to helping others. and of course i love those parts of her--i love everything about her--but what is really remarkable about avatar: the last airbender is that katara’s many important virtues are also counterbalanced by equally significant flaws. a good character has flaws. katara is a good character, and a deviation from the characters who made up my formative media landscape, because she has flaws. her temper, her idealism, her stubbornness--these are flaws. flaws make her seem real and human and challenge the mainstream sentiment that girls are not real or human.

it simply did not occur to me that celebrating these aspects of katara that make her a realistic and well-written teenage girl would spark ire from other adult fans. it absolutely did not occur to me that i would then be blamed for somehow causing misogynistic interpretations of this character, particularly given that misogynistic interpretations of this character are the very thing i sought to correct when i began to blog about this television show.

i’m told there are “fans” on instagram and tiktok who think katara is whiny, annoying, and overly preoccupied with her trauma. i do not use instagram or tiktok, so i wouldn’t know, but i’ll take your word for it. respectfully, however, they didn’t get that from me. misogynistic takes on katara have existed since before i came along. i have never, ever called katara whiny. and seeing as i have been treating my own PTSD in therapy for nine years, you can safely conclude that i don’t think anyone, katara included, is overly preoccupied with their trauma. that’s not a thing. do i think she’s annoying? of course not! as a character, she’s a delight. does she sometimes find real joy in aggravating her brother and her friends? yes, because she’s 14. i, an adult, am not annoyed by her. sokka and toph often are, because that is katara’s goal and katara always succeeds in her goals. she’s not “annoying.” 

if there are “fans” who are indeed following lesbians4sokka and somehow misreading every single post and interpreting them to mean that we hate katara and they should too, i don’t really know what you want me to do about that. l4s has over ten thousand followers and we have already posted so many essays disavowing katara hate. our feminist and antiracist objectives in running the blog are literally pinned with the headline “please read.”

furthermore, you cannot reasonably expect my co-blogger and me to control the way our words will be received. we should not have to, and are not going to, add a disclaimer to every post saying that when we critique or make jokes about a teenage girl we are doing so through a feminist lens. our url is lesbians4sokka, and we are clearly women. if that alone doesn’t make it obvious, then refer back to that pinned post. 

it is indescribably frustrating, and really goddamn depressing as well, that people are so comfortable with the misogynistic binary of Perfect Good Women and Flawed Wicked Bitches that they perceive any discussion of a woman’s flaws to be necessarily relegating her to the latter camp. if that is how you (a generic you) perceive women, then i’m sorry, but you’ve internalized sexism that i cannot cure you of. and it’s unjust to expect my friend and me to write for the lowest common denominator of readers who have not yet had their own feminist awakenings. we do not write picture books for babies. we write for ourselves, and with the expectation that our readers can think critically. reading media through a feminist lens is my primary interest; i have no intention of excising that angle from my writing.

as i go through my life, i am going to embrace the flaws of girls and women because not enough people do. as long as the dominant narratives surrounding women are “good and perfect” and “unlovable wh*re,” you’ll find me highlighting flawed, realistic, righteously angry women in the margins. and for what it’s worth, it’s not just katara. i champion depictions of angry girls in all sorts of media. that’s sort of my whole thing. my favorite movies are part of the angry girl cinematic universe: thoroughbreds, jennifer’s body, hard candy, jojo rabbit, et cetera. on tv, in addition to katara, you’ll find me celebrating tuca and bertie, poppy from mythic quest, tulip and lake from infinity train, korra, and more. i adore all these women and see myself in them. i hope you find this suitably persuasive to establish that i have sufficient Feminist Cred, according to your standards, to observe and write about these very flawed and human fictional women. 

what i’m saying is this: i decline to take responsibility for the misogynistic discourse orbiting a children’s cartoon. as someone who writes about that series from a perspective that seeks to add humanity and nuance to the reductive, one-dimensional, overwhelmingly sexist writing that already exists, i am pretty taken aback that i am the one being blamed for the very problem i sought to address. except not that taken aback because i am a woman online, haha! and this is always how it goes for us. 

finally, i think it sucks that you’ve chosen to blame me for a problem that begins and ends with the patriarchy. i can’t control the way this response will be perceived, just like how i can’t control the way anything will be perceived because i am just one human woman, but i do hope you choose to be reflective, and consider why you’ve chosen this avenue to assign blame. 

[winelover1989]

I hear a lot of smeyer is not a feminist as she claims stuff, but honestly, I know women with PhDs or women running companies, who have been in toxic codependent relationships like edward and bella. I know both men and women who had their mental health ruined and their personality grow toxic by getting sucked into unbalanced attachments with emotionally unavailable people like Jacob did. Hell, I have been in fair share of toxic relationships and I used to spit on twilight and bella as a teen. We live in a patriarchy and these power dynamics can sneak up on anyone. I mean, look at Bella, starts out writing essays on feminism, but can't put it into practice, mainly because of her disorganized upbringing and her environment. She's a product of those things no matter what theoritical concepts she subscribes to. That's a very real thing. You know why? Writing essays on feminism is easy. Examining your own psyche and issues and behavioral patterns is HARD! And this story is so self aware of its toxicity that even someone with zero reading comprehension would be able to grasp they are reading a toxic romance. Stalking, sexual assault, issues, insanity, and controlling toxic behavior are labelled as what they are in this story and the narrative or some character points that out from time to time. Unlike romcoms where characters stalk, and assault, and run across the town in the midst of a mental breakdown of manic episode, and that's painted by the narrative as "romantic wish fulfillment" because there was pretty pop music playing in the background. Not to mention, how there is a creepy atmosphere in the story created with the juxtaposition of the teenage epic romance high and all the experienced characters like charlie, renee, rosalie, esme, and jasper telling very different stories of their early relationships. Is this story "feminist" in the Hollywood Strong Female Character™ way where an effortlessly sexy woman, who is great with punching or swords or has every single superpower under the sun, and gets into fights with perfect hair and makeup and even heels, while scoffing at feminity and being "one of the guys" cool girl? No it's not feminist like that. But does it capture a formative aspect of many women's toxic experiences when they start dating and find themselves repeating deeply ingrained toxic patterns and make bad choices that go against everything they believe in, bringing shame and regret in the future for not being strong enough? Yes! These ugly aspects of feminity in a patriarchal world need to be explored in the safe space of fiction which isn't meant just for wish fulfillment. I used to be so self righteous in my hate of twilight, but honestly, now that I've read it I can see why so many teenage girls and women cling to it for comfort. There's something dark and messed up here that makes you feel heard. Makes you feel seen. Understood. It makes you feel deeply and evokes a visceral reaction whether you love it, hate it, or have a love-hate relationship with it. The why of that reaction is what should elicit effort for internal exploration. And I wish women didn't have to constantly keep justifying their enjoyment of messy media with "I like this but I'm a real feminist so I'll write several essays on why smeyer is problematic" disclaimers. Do you really have to? Aren't you tired of constantly justifying your taste for being stupid and girly and even problematic? Don't you want to just enjoy things with the same confidence with which men enjoy thir problematic trash that make them feel seen in terms of the toxic aspects of masculinity?

[lotusss-flowerbomb]

Special Guest

Florian Munteanu x reader

Warning: Smut, 18+, Florian in that grey jogging suit

A/N: There is unprotected sex in this story. Remember this is fiction, so in real life, make them wrap that before you let them tap that, okurrrrrt?!

Word Count: 3,814 [whoops!]

********

You shuffled into the lobby of the hotel and set down your bags down.

"Sorry, I'm late. There must be something big going on downtown, because traffic was ridiculous," you said as you pinned your name tag to your blazer. You quickly keyed in your code to clock in and turned to your coworker, Chanel. "Did I miss anything?"

"Did you miss anything? You're three minutes late, you've literally missed nothing." She playfully rolled her eyes. "You know, we get real sick of you being Miss Goody Two Shoes around here."

"Oh, I'm sorry my work ethic offends you ma'am," you laughed. The large figure sitting on the couch caught your eye, a guest sitting halfway off the sofa with his feet on the table. You inched around the large counter to make your way over to him.

"What are you doing?" Chanel grabbed you to stop you from approaching him. She knew the moment you noticed him you'd say something having no idea who he was.

"I'm gonna go ask him to get his feet off of the furniture if that's okay with you?" You pulled away and continued in his direction. Your shoes clacking loudly across the floor as you make your way over to him.

"Hi, sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to remove your feet from the table. I can grab you a foot stool if your legs need to be elevated," you smiled sweetly.

He never looked up from his phone. You cleared your throat, but again he didn't budge. You turned to look back at Chanel who was watching you in horror.

You tapped his shoulder. This time he looked up at you and pulled his hood down, removing an airpod from his ear.

"Sorry to disturb you, sir, but may you please remove your feet from the table?" You clasped your hands together in front of you.

"Yep, sorry," he sat up and looked behind you, "the person I was waiting for is coming anyway," he stood.

You took a step back, "Oh shit, you're a giant," you clapped your hand over mouth. "Sorry, I did not mean to say that."

He looked at you and smiled.

"Oh wow," you said. You clamped your eyes shut. What the hell is wrong with you? You cleared your throat, "Um, yeah, so next time there's um, a foot stool you can use if you need to—"

A large shadow caught your attention. You turned to see the person he must have been waiting for coming closer.

"Oh my God, there are two of you," you inhaled sharply. Seriously, why couldn't you stop your thoughts from just tumbling from your mouth? You cleared your throat again deciding it was best to just walk away before you said something else silly. "You gentlemen enjoy your night."

Chanel watched you walk back over to the desk. You did your best to remain calm and hide the embarrassment that coursed through your veins. You pretended to type something on the screen as Florian and Masias walked towards the entrance.

"Enjoy your evening, Mr. Munteanu," Chanel called out to him.

Florian paused his stride and looked back, "Thank you and make sure you don't work too hard tonight, beautiful."

You stopped typing and looked up. He was looking at you and winked before he turned back around. Your breath caught in your throat and tongue snaked out to wet your lips.

Once they were completely outside you scurried around the desk.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"Bathroom," you stomped down the hall. You opened the ladies room door and leaned against it. The coolness of it relieved your rising temperature. You pulled a few paper towels out, wet them and pressed them against your throat and neck.

You've worked at this hotel for three years and have seen your fair share of attractive men, but you've never had such a reaction to a single one the way you were having now. This Munteanu guy had you absolutely flustered...and horny. You shifted from one foot to the other as the cool air hit your damp panties.

"Shit," you sighed and went inside the stall to remove them. Thank goodness you decided to wear thigh highs instead of tights under your skirt today. You tucked the thin material in the pocket of your blazer and headed back up front.

********

"You know what the problem is? It's been too long since you've been laid." Chanel said as she dropped a handful of M&M's into her mouth. Ever since you came back from the bathroom, she wouldn't lay off about how you'd made an absolute ass of yourself.

"Why can't you let it go?" You huffed.

"Because, you need to hear it. I say you fuck him," she shrugged.

"Chanel! I don't know that man and he is a customer." You couldn't believe her. She knew you well enough to know that there was absolutely no way you'd have sex with a total stranger.

"Even better; no strings attached, just sex. Consider him a special guest.” There was that Cheshire cat grin again, “Also, judging by the print he had in those gray sweats, if he knows how to use that thing, it'll be good sex. Plus, he has big hands." She wiggled her fingers.

"For the love of god, would you please knock it off?" You grabbed the duster and walked away. You couldn't take any more of her. Mostly because everything she was saying you'd already thought of and you needed those thoughts to stop.

Having meaningless sex was not something you'd ever done and having sex with guests of the hotel was simply out of the question.

You saw Chanel making her way towards you. You rolled your eyes. She was seriously crossing the line. It's not as if she cared. She prided herself on being your "tell it like it is" friend and getting you to step outside of your safe zone. She could be messy and annoying at times, but you loved her all the same.

"Don't come over here with your mess, Nell," you continue to wipe.

"Girl please," she waved you off, "all I'm saying is, you need to live a little. You clearly got his attention."

"Yeah, I'm sure a lot of women has his attention. He's very attractive and probably flirts with anything that has a pulse," you looked at her.

"So?"

"So, I'm not trying to be another notch on this man's belt."

"A notch on his—what are you 50?" She doubled over in laughter. You couldn't help but laugh with her. The phrase was a little dated, but she knew what you meant.

A few late check-ins filed into the lobby, so you both went back into professional mode. You kept your focus on the guests in front of you as you helped them as best you could, but your mind would never stray far from Mr. Munteanu.

********

Florian and his friends had finally returned from their night out. You took a deep breath, smiled politely and greeted them as you would any other entering guests. Masias was obviously a little tipsy and was loud and giggly.

"Go talk to her," he whispered loudly.

"You need to go talk to some toothpaste, Masias." Florian put his hand up. They had another person with them this time who assured Florian that he had Masias. Florian doubled back to the desk and stopped in front of you. "Um, hi."

"Hello, Mr. Munteanu, how may I assist you?" You asked.

"Just wondering if you could possibly send someone up with extra trash bags and a can to 804? He's going to need it."

"Absolutely, sir, may I help you with anything else?" You looked down at your screen to type the memo out for housekeeping to drop those items off to his room.

"Florian."

"Excuse me?" You glanced up at him.

"My name is Florian. You don't have to keep calling me sir," he smiled.

"I am an employee and you are a guest. It would be very unprofessional of me to call you by your first name... Sir." You smiled innocently.

His smile wavered. He couldn't tell if you were flirting or giving him attitude, but he just made up his mind to find out.

You stared him in the eye. You weren't showing that you were flustered like you were earlier. You had prepared yourself just in case he came back.

He chuckled. "Okay, have it your way Miss," he peeked at your name tag, "Y/N. You have a nice night, dragă meă." He walked away.

"You too, sir," you spoke to his back.

********

"Hey, where have you been?" You asked Chanel when she returned to the station.

"Oh, I took that stuff up to 804," she smiled slyly.

"That's Tony's job."

"Yeah, and I did my coworker a favor while he was on break. I was standing there when the memo came through."

"Mmm hmm, so why are you just now returning? That was 30 minutes ago," you raised a brow.

Chanel's face lit up like a Christmas tree. You groaned.

"Nell, you didn't!"

"Would you calm down? He was too drunk to take it too far."

"Too drunk? I talked to Florian, he wasn't all that drunk." You said.

"Florian? Y'all on a first name basis now."

"No, I— he just told me what it was. That slipped." You explained.

"Mmm hmm, well it wasn't Florian. It was his cute friend, Masias. I would've sucked the skin off of his dick too if the other guy hadn't been there."

You just shook your head and laughed. This girl was a hot mess.

"I'm gonna go lock up the pool. Please stay put until I get back."

You made the short trip to the pool, but before putting the code in, you peeked through the glass to see if anything needed to be picked up. This was someone else's job, but of course they never did what they were supposed to do.

You saw a towel and a pair of slides, so you slipped in to tell whoever it was that it was time for you to lock up. When you got close enough, they popped up to the surface with a large splash getting you wet.

You yelped. He turned to look at you.

"Um, sir, it's time for the pool to close," you said swiping at the wet spots on your blouse and skirt.

"I'll be right out," he said.

Your head snapped up at the sound of Florian's voice. He lifted his large frame out of the water near you. Your eyes scanned him from head to toe. Damn, he was a lot of man.

You picked up the towel and handed it to him, unable to peel your gaze away from him as he dried himself off.

"Like what you see?" He asked.

"What?" You shook your head pulling yourself from the trance, "no, I, um... absolutely not."

"Are you always so uptight?"

"Are you always such a jerk?" You frowned. "I'll come back in five minutes. If you're still in here, I will lock you in." You turned to walk away.

"No, no, no, wait. I'm sorry, dragă meă, I shouldn't have said that." He grabbed your hand before you could get too far.

"What does that mean?" You questioned.

"What?"

"Draga may-ya?" You spoke slowly. He laughed at your pronunciation. You turned your head to the side and jutted out a hip, "really?" You smirked.

"You did your best and it was cute as hell. It means my darling."

"Mmm hmm, is that the universal nickname you give all women?"

"Nope, had that one saved up just for you," he pulled you close to him. You'd forgotten until that moment that he was still holding on to your hand.

Your other hand came up and rested on his chest. He flexed his pecs beneath you.

"Oh, sweet lord," you tried to move away, but he held on to you. "Um, this is very inappropriate, Mr. Munteanu. And you're getting me all wet."

"Oh, am I?" He raised a brow.

"No, that's not what I meant."

"I think it is," he ran his free hand over your ass and then down into your skirt. Your breath caught in your throat when he cupped your bare ass.

He slid his fingers between your cheeks, rubbed over your wet slit and pressed down on your clit.

"Did I tell you that you could touch me?" You pressed your forehead into his chest.

He stopped pressing on your clit, but never removed his hand from your skirt.

"I could stop or I could make you have the best orgasm of your life. Which would you like?" He asked.

You started laughing. Your body shook lightly as you pushed away from him. He looked confused. It was as if something within you had snapped.

"You men are all the same, always promising the best orgasms when you can't manage to even locate a g-spot."

"Are you challenging me?" His voice dropped an octave and his accent grew thicker.

You looked him in his eyes to let him know you were serious.

"Absolutely."

He wasted no time throwing you over his large shoulder and carrying you into the locker room. He sat you down on a bench and pushed your skirt up around your waist. He crouched down in front of you and put your legs over his shoulders.

"When this is over, the only thing you'll be able think about is Big Nasty." His eyes had gone from hazel green to nearly black. Completely darkened by lust.

"You talk too much," you said as you grabbed the back of his head and forced it between your thighs.

Florian sucked your clit into his mouth, using his tongue to brush over it lightly causing your legs to shake just a little. He stopped sucking with a loud pop from his mouth. You pushed him back down and thrust your hips forward. When he sucked it back into his mouth, you pulled away.

"Mmm, yesssss," you mewled as you repeated the movements. The loud sucking sounds bounced off the metal in the empty room.

He growled deep in his chest before he started rolling his tongue over your clit and sliding a thick finger inside of you. You inhaled sharply and caught your lip in between your teeth. He pumped his finger in and out a few times before adding another.

You scratched at his head as he went back to flicking his tongue over your clit.

"Oh god," you cried out as your orgasm built. Your legs shook and Florian picked up the pace.

"You gonna cum for me, dragă meă? Hmm?" He wasn't expecting you to answer him; he already knew what it was.

He felt you tighten around his fingers. It made his dick hard thinking about how you would feel wrapped around him.

"Yes, yes, yes!!" You dug your nails into his shoulder as you quivered into your release.

He watched you as you bathed in ecstasy. Your chest rising and falling with each heavy breath. He reached up and slowly unbuttoned your shirt. He opened it to reveal a simple black bra.

Florian leaned over you and softly kissed each of the smooth mounds before moving to your stomach and then back down to your clit. You flinched due to still being sensitive from your orgasm.

He did it again just to see the same reaction. He smiled.

"Don't be so cocky. You did okay at best," you rolled your eyes.

That triggered him. This time, you watched his pupils dilate and he grabbed your ankle to pull you closer.

"I think I've figured you out," he said as he pulled his hard dick from his shorts. "You've never been fucked the right way," he stroked himself.

Your eyes bulged at the sight of him and your mouth suddenly went dry. There was no way he could fuck you without hurting you. You tried to move, but he held on.

"Don't run now. You talk shit and now you need to back it up." He pushed your legs back and rubbed himself up and down your wet slit.

Your pussy contracted with anticipation. The fear of pain turning into excitement within seconds. He pressed his forehead to yours as he pushed inside of you slowly.

Placing your hands on each side of his face, you let out a loud hiss.

"I'm going to fill you up now, prințesă."

You shuttered as he slid into you further. Gradually stretching you to accommodate his entry. He finally bottomed out and you lost it.

"Ooooh, fuck!" You yelled as you came for the second time.

You dug your nails into his neck.

When you finally opened your eyes he was looking at you with a smirk on his face as he slowly pulled out until just the tip of him was in.

"Um, that's never happened be—"

He drove back into you at full speed cutting off your sentence. He fucked you hard and fast. He moved one hand above your head for support and moved the other to your throat squeezing lightly.

"Harder, harder, harder!" You chanted. He granted your wish and applied more pressure, but making sure not to hurt you.

"I knew you had it in you, Dragă meă. Walking around here with no panties, likes to be choked; it's always the quiet ones." He could feel you tightening around him. "Look at you, a mess, getting ready to cum again. But what if I don't want you to?" He pulled out completely and loosened his grip a little.

"No, no, no, please!" You were on the verge of tears. "Why did you do that?" You tried to sit up, but he pushed you back down tightening his grip on your throat again.

"I didn't tell you to move," he slipped his hand under your bra and pinched your nipple. You moaned as the mixture of pain and pleasure coursed through your body. Between his choking and pinching, you couldn't resist reaching down to rub your clit.

Florian watched as you played with yourself. His mouth watered a little at the sight. He wanted that pussy back into his mouth, but he controlled himself.

"Yeah, play with that tight pussy. That’s my pussy now. Make it wetter for me." His dick twitched as he watched you.

You could feel yourself getting ready to cum again, so you stopped and slapped your clit lightly. You wanted him inside of you again.

"Please, Florian, I want you. I need you," you tell him.

You used two fingers to spread your slick covered lips to invite him inside. He wasted no time penetrating your slick cunt. You mewled as he slowly slipped in. He latched his mouth onto yours swallowing your moans.

Florian broke the kiss and started swearing in Romanian. You didn't know what he was saying, but it was turning you on even more.

"Yessss, baby, give me all of that good dick."

He pulled out and flipped you over. He stood you up and bent you over, so your hands were planted on the bench. He slid back into you with one hand on your hip and the other clutching the band of your bra.

"Play with that pussy," he demanded.

You immediately rubbed your clit.

He put one foot up on the bench and invaded your core as much as he could.

"Good girl, prințesă. You take me so well."

The sound of your bodies joining, your loud moans and the squelch of your soaking cunt created a symphony of pleasure.

Your legs began shaking again. He put his arm around your waist to help hold you up.

"Yes, Flo!! Fuck me, baby!" You started cumming.

He started losing control as you squeezed around him. His hips stuttered and he growled deep in his chest. You heard him calling for god just before he pulled out quickly and finished all over your ass and pussy.

He slapped his still fully erect dick on your glistening cunt and then rubbed the tip from one hole to another.

You both breathed heavily. He turned you to face him before taking you into his arms and kissing you deeply.

"I really should get back out there," you said and moved from his lap. Your legs wobbled beneath you as you tried to stand. You quickly recovered using his towel to clean yourself off and button your shirt back up.

Florian took his time putting his shorts back on. He placed his feet in his shoes and followed you out. The elevator and lobby were in opposite directions, but before you parted ways, he grabbed your hand and pulled you to him.

"Hey, look at me," he said and lifted your chin. "You didn't have a good time?"

"I had a great time...like a really great time, but it's over now, so..."

"Who says it's over? I'll be here for the next few days. Can I take you out on another date?"

"Another date?? This doesn't count as a date, Florian," you scrunched your face.

"You're cute," he laughed. "It absolutely counts as a date. It's the best first date I've ever had."

"That's not funny," you pinched his arm.

"No, really, I would love to see you tomorrow. Please?" He looked so innocent.

"I'm off at 7am," you smiled at him.

"I'll see you then," he leaned down to kiss your lips. He watched as you walked away. "Are you sure you don't want to come up with me?"

"Good night, Mr. Munteanu," you said over your shoulder. You heard him chuckle as he stepped onto the elevator.

********

"Mmm hmm, and where have you been?" Chanel asked the moment you came around the corner.

"Locking up the pool," you said casually.

"Riiight, the pool passing out hickeys now?"

You ran over to the mirror, "What?! He didn't even —" you stopped talking when you saw nothing there. You squeezed your eyes shut. She played you.

"I knew it, I knew it!!!" She jumped up and down. "You have to tell me how it was. I know that dick was fire just by the way he carries himself. He drips big dick energy."

You looked around before speaking, "It was incredible and I never wanted to stop." You blurted out.

"So is this like a one night thing or are you gonna get more before he leaves?"

"He wants to go out tomorrow," you said.

She jumped for joy again. You couldn't figure why she was acting this way. It hadn't been that long since you dated... has it? You dismissed your friend. You weren't even going to attempt to do any work. It was useless. The only thing on your mind was Florian and your date tomorrow. You couldn’t keep yourself from smiling.

[crosbytoews]

june reading wrap-up!

this was a really good reading month? i read 12 books? let’s go into it

Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland by Patrick Radden Keefe

a nonfiction about “the troubles” in northern ireland. this was excellent. my knowledge of the troubles was limited to derry girls prior to reading this and i learned a ton. 5/5

One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston

a sapphic romance written by the author of red, white, and royal blue. august is new to brooklyn and keeps running into the same woman on the subway. she eventually figures out that the woman who she keeps seeing, jane, is a time traveler from the 1970s who is stuck. mcquiston is a great writer and i liked the multimedia parts. the friendships in this book were great and made me feel so lonely lol. i was SO into the plot!! there was actual sexual tensions which i feel like a lot of wlw books are lacking. i liked the descriptions of the drag performances. jane was an out, butch lesbian (another thing we don’t see enough in wlw literature!) in the 1970s and there is a lot of great lgbt history included! here’s a quote i loved (no spoilers in the quote)

“It’s hazy, but she remembers Jane telling her about drag shows she used to go to in the ‘70s, the balls, how queens would go hungry for weeks to buy gowns, the shimmering nightclubs that sometimes felt like the only safe places. She lets Jane’s memories transpose over here, now, like double-exposed film, two different generations of messy, loud, brave, and scared and brave again people stomping their feet and waving hands with bitten nails, all the things they share and all the things they don’t, the things she has that people like Jane smashed windows and spat blood for.”

my only complaint is there were a few too many side characters. 5/5

The Huntress by Kate Quinn

this is a post world war II historical fiction following three main characters: ian, a british journalist searching for an ex-nazi who is nicknamed the huntress, nina, a russian pilot, and jordan, whose new stepmother may or may not be the huntress. at first it takes place in 3 separate places in time but eventually jordan and ian’s timelines are the same. this book was LONG but at no point did i feel bored. a love a good historical fiction and quinn is a great writer, but i preferred the rose code where all the main characters were women. 3.5/5

Exhalation by Ted Chiang 

this is a collection of sci-fi short stories. some stories are shorter than others and some stories were better than others. my 2 favorite were “The Lifecycle of Software Objects” and “Anxiety Is the Dizziness of Freedom,” both of which were more like novellas. overall this was a 4/5

Pretty Little Wife by Darby Kane

this book sucked. it’s a domestic thriller about a woman who murders her husband but someone moves the body before he’s discovered. the mysteries are: why did she kill him and who moved the body? i thought the writing was bad and the final plot twist didn’t make sense. 2/5

Monday’s Not Coming by Tiffany D. Jackson

this is a hard-hitting YA contemporary about a girl whose best friend doesn’t show up on the first day of 8th grade and no one seems to care about her. this touches on a lot of important themes like racism, poverty, addiction, and abuse. when i realized that the main character was in the 8th grade i almost didn’t continue reading it because i thought i might be too old for this book, but it’s appropriate for everyone. i got so mad about how the main character’s missing friend managed to slip through the cracks and no one cared. i did not care for the ending but still it was a very powerful book. 4/5

Writers & Lovers by Lily King

this is a literary fiction following a 31 year old woman named casey whose mother recently died and is now waitressing in boston to pay off her student loans while she writes a novel. i don’t know why but this book hit different for me. the writing was beautiful and there were so many great quotes. i loved the atmosphere of 1990s boston. this book is super slow and features a love triangle so i would avoid it if you don’t like either of those. i hate love trianges and i still gave it a 5/5

The Soulmate Equation by Christina Lauren

this is a romcom following a 30 year old single mother named jess. she submits her DNA to a new dating service where you’re matched with someone who is found to be genetically compatible with you. she finds out that she’s 98% compatible with one of the company’s founders, river. even though their previous meetings didn’t go well, the two of them decide to try to date for publicity. this book was really funny and i liked the characters but i didn’t actually feel chemistry between jess and river? and also the premise of the company is still weird to me after i’ve read the book. 3/5

Never Let Me Go by Kazou Ishiguro

Kathy (who is also 31 because apparently i only read books about people in their early thirties now) reflects on her time at an english boarding school and the years that followed. i don’t wanna give too much away, but early on you get the feeling that something is not quite right and it’s tagged as dystopia on goodreads. the premise of this book was really interesting and i kept reading so i could figure out why it was tagged as dystopian. however despite not being even 300 pages this book managed to drag on. i will say that the ending is really strong though. this is the third ishiguro i’ve read in as many months and i feel like he just writes the same ending for every book but it’s a really good ending so i can’t blame him. 3/5

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo

okay let’s get into it. alina, an orphan refugee finds out that she’s grisha which is like a witch? and she’s really powerful potentially? and someone named the darkling wants to help her learn how to use her powers? turns out a man named the darkling can’t be trusted. this was the weakest of the three but i really enjoyed it. 4/5

Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo

this is just a continuation of shadow and bone but we meet SO MANY NEW CHARACTERS!! and also i love mal and if you don’t you’re wrong. 4/5

Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo

the third and final installment in the shadow and bone trilogy! this was definitely the strongest of the three. the action and adventure was chef’s kiss. 5/5

[heatherjeff]

2020 Book List

It has been ages since I have written and, like everyone else, there seems to be a bit more unstructured time in my everyday life. It makes perfect sense the impetus for a return to blogging is books, reading is fundamental! 

My friend, KDaddy, annually shares the list of books he’s read. The first time I noticed his list I was thrilled, took notes, commented on how happy I was, and proceeded to read many of his recommendations. When it became clear 2020 was going to be a little different books became an even bigger part of my days as well as an escape from the grind of the news and the pandemic.

When KDaddy tagged me with his book list this year, it occurred to me I have a little platform where I can post my own year in review. Books are the best and reading has served me well my whole life, 2020 was no exception.

First, a few facts. This year I read 35 books, for comparison I read 24 in 2019. That makes me happy especially since there are not a million things about 2020 to invoke a sense of accomplishment. I have long kept a book journal since my title and author memory is similar to a sieve. At the start of the pandemic everyone in my house was gifted a kindle, I was not a fan of the plan, paper books are my love language. As this time has worn on, the kindle has proven to be a brilliant and magical purchase. Libby is a completely modern wonder and the next time I am in NYC I will, for sure, treat myself to a library card from that library system.

With no further ado let’s talk books.

Definitely Read:

The Nightingale: A Novel by Kristin Hannah

Two sisters reacted to the unfolding atrocities of WWII in very different ways. Both were fierce, suffered in ways unimaginable to most of us, and illustrated the many ways women are impacted by a war. Such a powerful read.

The Home for Unwanted Girls by Joanna Goodman

Great read based on a true story about a teenager who became pregnant. Her family forced her to give up her baby and it was placed in a mental institution for the sole reason the child was an “orphan”. Many more plot twists follow, this was a gem of a book.  

Women in Sunlight: A Novel by Frances Mayes

This book kicked off as total cliche and morphed into complete life goals. Three older women, all single for a variety of reasons, strike up a friendship and move to a Tuscan Villa. I want to be them someday in Italy living with the locals.

The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind by William Kamkwamba and Bryan Mealer

YA This came highly recommended from my youngest. It opened his eyes to the world in a huge way and he was very committed to sharing this story with all of us. William is a complete force of nature and against (truly) all odds changes the trajectory or his family, his village, and his life with ingenuity and desire. Love this book so much.

Little Fire’s Everywhere: A Novel by Celeste Ng

Heard so much about this book and completely loved it all. So. Many. Plot. Twists.

Dear Martin by Nic Stone

YA read from my kid, a MUST read. This book was chilling on a 1,000 different levels. Race, police profiling, education, culture- Nic Stone packed it all in and it opened my heart and sparked some good conversations in our home.

Girl, Woman, Other: A Novel by Bernardine Evaristo

This thoughtfully constructed book was a gift from another reader friend and is one of my favorite reads of the year. It shares multiple first person layered viewpoints from British women who span every part of society. Great read.

Dutch House by Ann Patchett

Let’s be clear, I love Ann Patchett. Love. Whenever she authors a new novel I am jazzed and the Dutch House is no exception. The house becomes an actual character in the story and has everything to do with the brokenness of family who moves into it.

Shoe Dog: A Memoir by the Creator of Nike by Phil Knight

Unpopular opinion, I am not a fan of Nike. I am a tremendous fan of Phil Knight’s innovation and hustle. Phil is a visionary and expert storyteller.

The Tatowist of Auschwitz: A Novel by Heather Morris

The novel is based on interviews with Lale Sokolov, a Slovakian Jew who used his position of relative privilege to positively impact the lives of as many fellow prisoners as possible. I had to read this book fast since it impacted my sleep, which it should. Incredible read.

American Dirt: A Novel by Jeanine Cummins

Ooofff, this book is hard to read. I started and stopped because I could not sleep and opted to read it during daylight hours only. It is seriously terrifying in a million ways. It is about a family who has to flee from Alcopulcio to the United States due to extreme violence from the local and very well connected drug cartel. This book is a testament to the grit of illegal immigrants and an eye opening read about the terror they face.

Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson

True story of Bryan Stevenson’s quest to navigate the criminal justice system in the rural south where he aims to help the most disadvantaged in the system. Timely, eye opening, and full of action items we all need to help with for the betterment of our society.

City of Girls: A Novel by Elizabeth Gilbert

Books by Elizabeth Gilbert are some of my favorites and I was concerned when I started this book, it was a struggle. It came together and I ended up loving it. A story about NYC in the 1940’s centered around a girl/woman who is sent to live with her aunt at her playhouse full of showgirls. It was such an unrelatable read, it transported me to a time I have never really considered and it was a trip worth taking.

Totally Enjoyable:

True Colors by Kristen Hannah

Reads like YA fiction and I loved it. It’s about a ranch family, their horses, land, siblings, their live father and deceased mother. It is not deep and is a fun read.

In a Dark, Dark Wood by Ruth Ware

This book was intense, fun, & slightly scary. A “hen party” in a, literal glass house, becomes the scene of a murder.

The Queen of Hearts by Kimmery Martin

This is a fun read about two best friends who become doctors together and then the plot thickens. Can’t say more, it is complicated.

Freud’s Mistress by Karen Mack

This was my last library loan before the pandemic. It is a fascinating read based loosely on the dynamics of Freud’s family, drugs, affairs that feel a bit like incest, a huge male ego, this should not sound familiar in any way!

The Sun is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon

YA, loaner from my kid (which came to my nightstand highly recommended). This is a sweet, sweet love story of two teenagers who have very different backgrounds and lots of big feelings. The whole book takes place over the course of one day.

It All Comes Back to You by Beth Duke

This was a surprise hit and it sucked me in. The story is about a nurse in a retirement community who befriends a resident who lived a big life.

The Queen’s Fortune: A Novel of Desiree, Napoleon, and the Dynasty That Outlasted the Empire by Allison Pataki

I admit, I am a fan of royalty, it is so intriguing and this book was completely spellbinding. The story is based on Napoleon's France and it was messy.

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot

NF This book is amazing. A poor black woman has cancer cells removed from her body, these rapidly reproducing cells become known as HeLa cells and change the trajectory of modern medicine. There are so many consequences from this seemiling small discovery and the impact to the medical world and to Henrietta’s family are far reaching.

The Woman in the Window: A Novel by A.J. Finn

Read this in one day at the beach, I was sucked into this story of Anna Fox and her salacious neighborhood drama.

The Last Romantics by Tara Conklin

I know I liked this book and made a note about the “pause” taken over the summer when the kids in the family basically ran wild. That’s all I’ve got.

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

There was a ton of hype around this book and it is well deserved. Glennon tells it like it is and, like it or not, she has a lot of points that hit. I read this on my kindle and think I would have liked reading the physical book more.

This is the Story of a Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett

Short stories from Ann Patchett? Yes, 100% yes. The story of her relationship with Lucy, of Truth and Beauty: A Friendship, was wonderful as was the explanation of her book store in Nashville.

After You: A Novel (Me Before You Trilogy) by Jojo Moyes

I have zero idea that Me Before You was a trilogy! It is a total candy read, you are not going to learn much about your soul or the universe, but it is fun and better than TV. And yes, I will read the third book in the trilogy because candy is good! 

The Saturday Night Supper Club by Carla Laureano

Also a trilogy, another happy surprise. This book is fun, another candy read, and so appealing. When I was a kid I wanted to have a restaurant so this story made my heart happy. It is a bit too clean, a bit cliche, and an enjoyable read.

Daisy Jones & The Six: A Novel by Taylor Jenkins Reid

This novel will transport you to a land of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. I read this was loosely based on the story of Fleetwood Mac, true or false, this book captures a moment in history and reads a lot like a play and is completely enjoyable.

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

This is the book written before Little Fires Everywhere, similar deal-  family strife/mystery, kind of riveting with lots of twists. Solid read.

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed by Lori Gottlieb

NF, look at a therapist who finds herself in need of therapy. It is kind of a russian doll type of read with layers, upon layers, hidden within each other.

With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo

YA, another loaner from my kid. Such a great book about a kid who wants to be a chef and express herself through her cooking. She is a teen mother living with her abuela, it is a heartwarming book and I love the main character’s spirit.

Sidenote: schools around here are closed for the duration yet students can reserve library books and go to the local library of your choice where their school librarians greet them, warmly, in the parking lot for a drive by pick-up. It is a wonderful and much appreciated service being offered to our kids.

Nine Perfect Strangers by Liane Moriarty

This book is ridiculous, it had a strong start, went sideways but was fun and overall enjoyable. The premise is nine people descend upon an exclusive health retreat. The woman who is in change morphs from motivating to overlord, obviously.

No Thank You:

13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher

YA read, loaner from my daughter. I did not like this one bit, it made sucide seem so glam. Glad I read it and am always happy when my kids share books with me and I will always hate stories of kids’ suffering.

There There: A Novel by Tommy Orange

This book was hard to follow, had too many characters, and there was a very dark thread that I did not enjoy.

The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood

This book hit me at the wrong time this year. The dystopian nature felt a little too close to home. I know it is a work for the ages but it was all ouch.

Wow, that felt good to reflect on and process. I have never really looked for threads in my own reading and knew a few things already but like seeing the balance of candy books and hard, timely topics. All in all I feel great about my 2020 reading list and hope there are titles that interest or resonate with you too. Here is to libraries reopening someday in the near future so we can browse the shelves with abandon.

[zombiequincy]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

[reenakawwa]

Final Draft of Non-Fiction

Reena Kawwa

Professor Reiter    

ENL 267

04 February 2020

            Qahweh of Life

I grew up around the rich aroma of Qahweh. Qahweh is the Arabian version of brewed American coffee. It is lightly or heavily roasted Arabica coffee beans with a hint of Cardamom. There is no limit to what Qahweh can be served for. In Middle Eastern countries, Qahweh is a commonality between everyone from poor to rich and muslim and christian, which is why it is used as a peacemaker. In The Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan, Qahweh Sadah (Black Coffee) is a hospitality staple. We greet our friends, families and royals with 3 oz of dark, boiling, black liquid. To not offer coffee during meetings is seen as disrespectful. During engagement parties in Jordan called Jahaa, the groom's family visits the bride's house to ask for her hand in marriage. The groom will be offered a cup of Qahweh, but will usually postpone drinking it until the bride’s family gives their blessing for the marriage. This simple act is seen as respect for the two families involved.  During the Jaha, the Qahweh Sadah is seen as a peace offering. This tradition adds emphasis as to why Qahweh is not just coffee. It is a sacrifice, a gift, and a common denominator.                                

I personally never knew what the hype was about. The 3oz cup of bitter coffee

seemed like torture. The first sip is somehow also the last. After that, you’ll be up for hours,  

possibly on the edge of an anxiety attack. My Grandma never started her less-than- busy day without a Finjan (espresso sized cup) of Qahweh. She also never ended her day without

one.  Making Qahweh is a process. You put the pulverized coffee beans into a Rakwe. A Rakwe

is a small pot that is used specifically for Arabic coffee. Many people in Arabic countries prefer

to add cardamom pods to the Rakwe. That addition however, is your choice. Oftentimes, people

enjoy Qahweh black, but you will get the occasional guest that prefers to get a sugar rush with

the caffeine boost. In that case, you can add the desired amount of sugar into the Rakwe before

the coffee is made. Kids were never offered Qahweh. They would be given Chai as a substitute.

Arabian Chai is not your regular Starbucks Chai latte. Chai is the Arabic word for black tea. It is

our Earl grey.  Up until the age of fifteen, I was enjoying a small cup of Chai every morning with

breakfast and every night after dinner. The caffeine boost is minimal but it goes great with

Jordanian meals.

One morning, I woke up to a fresh Rakwe of Qahweh being made by my father. At that time, I was a kid trying to rush into adulthood. Being surrounded by older cousins, the escape from childhood is justified. Being a kid is hell. I was done having Chai while they all sipped their little cups of Qahweh and gossiped about everything that is far from important. I wanted in. So, naturally, I picked up a finjan and poured myself 3oz of that black liquid diploma into adulthood. My mother was not having it. She bombarded me with negative side effects to coffee as she was sipping on hers. If you are under the age of 17 and drink Qahweh, in a few months you’ll be cursed with a full-ass beard. That myth is the ultimate threat to Arab women as facial hair is seen as the end of the world. The full-ass beard is not a threat to me. I drank up. I sipped it while listening in on the ted talk that my mother hosted with her sisters in our kitchen.

             I did not enjoy the first sip. It was bitter, too hot to take as a shot, yet too tiny to drink slowly. Nevertheless, I intended on finishing it. The second sip took me by surprise. I could feel the Qahweh’s acidity in the pit of my stomach. For beginners, Qahweh is like taking a shot of liquid ginger. You close your eyes, pinch your nose and pray you don’t gag. I did not enjoy the second sip, but I also did not hate it. I tolerated it. My pinky finger did not get the gist of the Finjan. It was not supposed to fold around the baby cup, rather it was supposed to be slightly tipped to the side. At least that is how the adults held it. I eyed how my Grandma held it closely because it somehow looked elegant. The conversation had shifted from travel ideas to juicy family gossip.

                   As a teenager, there is nothing that amused me more than the talk of family members. I listened closely until I had an anecdote to add. I finally had a great addition to the story of my cousin’s messy engagement. I might have shared too much and I blame that all on the two sips of Qahweh. Nevertheless, I got everyone’s attention instantly...there it is! I mastered the art of sipping the Qahweh! That was the third sip. The ultimate sip. During that short-lived moment, the Qahweh in my mind became a rocky road ice cream. I could still feel the sharp acidic flavor on my lips. It was far from the French vanilla, splash of caramel, soy milk latte everyone seems to be obsessed with. I suddenly did not mind the blandness. I somehow enjoyed the sharp sting that I had previously dreaded during the first few sips. By the third sip, when you finally start to want more, there are only two more sips left. The second to last sip is just as good as the third, if not better. It’s still boiling, silky smooth like velvet, and pitch black. This sip is a hard one to swallow. You can feel the end of the Finjan nearing so you take your time. You make small talk, pretend like you're interested in whoever’s story you're listening to, and try to make plans for the next Qahweh session. Most importantly, you dread the upcoming sip. You despise it. You mull over the idea of just pouring the rest into the sink and running. It’s crazy to think that just as you start to want more, it becomes distasteful. You crave more of that third and fourth sip. You know the one coming will be far from good. You wanna know what the last sip of Qahweh feels like? It is similar to the feeling you get when you go overboard on that “All you can eat sushi buffet”. When you promise that that Philly roll is the last order you’ll put in, yet you somehow end up getting three more. You enjoy the first two pieces, but then wonder how you’ll finish the rest. Your full but yet you don’t want to stop. It’s a deadly cycle.

Ultimately, you never end up pouring the rest of the Qahweh out. You want

to stay in the conversation and force yourself to pull it together. You close your eyes, pinch our nose, and try your hardest to keep it together in front of your family. This sip is the only sip I took as if it was a shot of Irish Car Bomb. It was no joke. Almost identical to taking a shot of hard liquor. It was bitter, potent and yet essential to the after-effects. Do you want to be vigorous? You must drink the remaining sip. The last sip is not smooth. Since the Qahweh in the pot is unfiltered, the grounded beans end up at the end of the Finjan. So the last sip is filled with little tiny bits of coffee beans that get stuck to your upper lip as you drink it. You pull through though because what comes next is the most exciting part of drinking Qahweh with family members.

After everyone finishes their cup, we flip it upside down and rest it on the saucer that the cup comes with. We let the residue dry and then turn it over. The myth is that once the residue of the Qahweh is stained on the cup, a superstitious person with a gift of reading the future will try and “read the cup”. This is called Tasseography. The stain of the left-over liquid and coffee beans make all kinds of shapes on the cup. Usually, in most Qahweh dates, there is that one person who is gifted at Tasseography. They can make out crazy stories through unclear shapes on the cup. They analyze every little stain pattern and interpret it into real-life situations for the person who drank from the cup. No stain is left unread. Every detail is a clue to predicting the person’s future. I’m Christian, so this tradition is only for fun, we are not allowed to take the predictions seriously because we believe fate is in the hands of God. Yet, we always find ourselves asking someone to read our cup. It’s like even though we know it’s wrong, we still need all the hope we can get.

I can not help but wonder if life is merely a cup of Qahweh? Is our life those five sips of roasted coffee beans? It’s a weird thing to believe, but let me explain myself. The first sip if you recall, is bitter, too hot to take as a shot yet too little to drink slowly. The first sip is not exactly enjoyable. You get a sudden wave of anxiety mixed with indescribable energy that keeps you going for hours. You want to stop drinking but you can’t. You encourage yourself to suck it up and keep going. What if, the first sip of Qahweh, was the first time you felt rejected? It's a bitter moment when you realize that something you wanted so bad, was simply not for you. Maybe it was that fancy-schmancy job interview in the city that you could swear you mastered. You left the office thinking you secured that position with a wide smirk across your face. That smirk, however, was wiped right off two days later when you got the “I’m sorry, but thank you for your interest and time” email from the manager. Just like that first sip, you would love to just give up but something tells you to keep trying. The second sip of Qahweh took you by surprise. Just when you thought things might start looking up, you are filled with that acidic flavor in the pit of your stomach. Maybe that acidity is the butterflies you get when you are in that second job interview. You worked on your weaknesses and vowed to show up with more confidence. With this sip, however, you want to keep going and see how the finjan will end. You get that call back for a second interview and suddenly those butterflies in your stomach become a little more tolerable.

The third sip or as I like to call it “The ultimate sip”, is nothing short of amazing. You start to feel the Qahweh in action and begin to love the acidity. The third sip is an unexpected adventure. Maybe that third sip is the first time you locked eyes with someone you love deeply. You're still nervous, the butterflies are still flying all over your tummy, but that look is too beautiful to give up. You feel safe and decide to continue on this unexpected, eccentric, and personally unorthodox journey. The fourth sip is even better than the third. It is still hot and smooth like velvet. It flows right out of the cup with ease and elegance. You can feel the end of the finjan coming up shortly, so you take your time and enjoy every second. Maybe this sip is the unforgettable moments that you have with your significant other. In those moments, you do not have a care in the world. All your focus is on each other. However, stressful thoughts about every minor detail in your life cloud your mind and all of a sudden you fear the end of those carefree moments. As humans, we are wired to think about our future and often overthink details that are simply premature.

The last sip is nothing like you’ve ever feared. It is messy, way too bitter, and almost scary. The little coffee bits that roll off the finjan into your mouth are inevitable. You knew this was coming. Maybe the last sip is that crushing feeling you get when you are not given that promotion. Maybe the last sip is the moment you learn that you are being evicted due to a large amount of rent money left unpaid. You worry you do not have what it takes to pay that bill, or even talk to your boss about the promotion. Even with all those fears, you push through it. You talk to someone you trust, you work a little harder, and you encourage yourself by believing that what comes next will be exciting and life-changing.

After all that, once the finjan has come to an end, the tasseography begins. Maybe the Qahweh cup reading, is us trying so hard to predict our destiny and see where life will take us. We know that no matter how hard we try at reading every detail in that cup, our future is not in our hands. We do not have full control of what is coming up next. Instead, God is the only one who holds our future. We can try all we want, but life is a beautiful, tiny 3oz cup of hope. It is unexpected, enjoyable, delicious and bitter all in one. The only thing for us to do is close our eyes, pinch our nose, and pray for the best.

[everybrook]

I had a talk with a friend who told me she prefers the fan interpretation of Brook over the OG-rather specific interpretations that downplay his perverted nature and explore his other depths. I think that's fine but I know people who say you can't be a fan of a character if you don't fully love the OG, faults and all. What is your opinion?

my opinion, short version? canon is dead and let the godforsaken panty “joke” fucking rot

long version, i agree with your friend. i think Brook has a lot of potential in general, in that i think he’s a very fun character with a lot of gaps in his life and a lack of screentime or focus. there’s a lot of room to explore his character outside of what’s on the page, and when there’s 90 years of depths to explore, why not go into it? he’s incredibly interesting! fan interpretations allow for creativity, especially since Brook will probably never get the spotlight he deserves. One Piece has too big a cast to delve deep into everyone, after all. we will probably never get, say... any extra info on how he’s dealing with being alone for 50yrs, or lasting effects on his mental health. we have to pick up the slack ourselves. hell, i literally wrote a 13 page paper on the guy for my ap psych final like, two months ago! totally delve deep into what interests you! that’s what fandom is about!

on the other hand? i don’t mind people ignoring perverted nature. sure, character flaws are integral to interesting characters, but the gag isn’t interesting. it’s never even TREATED as a flaw, it’s treated like a joke. and honestly? it sucks imagining that, if i met my favorite character, he’d say the same sort of shit to me that i had grown fucking men yell at me from their car when i was fourteen godamn years old and walking home by myself. i think Brook is a good and fun character, and i want him to be better than the men who made me walk home faster because i was Genuinely Fucking Afraid. i’ve got a deck of cards on which are panels of jokes from the series, and Brook’s gag is among them. but in my mind, that sort of question is with ranked with the men i’ve never met who made it so i can’t watch fish over the bridge in my hometown anymore because i’m afraid of getting shouted at for bending a little too much over the railing, like what happened i was when i was like, sixteen. certain faults are worth ignoring. if someone said the sort of shit he says to me in real life, i’d literally never speak to them again. Brook deserves better than being stuck with this shitty gag and i’ll never forgive oda for it. if brook wasn’t fine around women the rest of the time after asking that godforsaken question, i honestly doubt id like him. so yeah, fuck that gag. if people want to ignore it, good for them. i absolutely get it! fiction is supposed to be fun! i don’t have fun with this! i’m going to call it out for being disgusting, skin-crawling, gut-sinking bullshit, and i’m going to downplay it in any content i write because i think he should fucking be better than that.

this is messy and shit but it’s 1am so i’m not gonna bother polishing it too much