#it starts with protip you have to listen to it

[ominous-faechild]

INCORRECT QUOTES (Waves's second edition!)

Bringing back an old tag game to entertain you guys since I haven't really gotten anything else out recently,,,

Rule: use this generator to create “incorrect quotes” for your wip

the small text are my personal additions where I think they work well for the character(s) lol

Yesval: Hi, I'm Flavie's emergency contact. Counter Woman: You're here to pick her up? Yesval: I'm here to remove myself as her emergency contact.

Yesval: I won a new phone in a race. Flavie: Huh? What kind of race lets you win a phone, Yesval? Yesval: A race between the store owner, the cop, and me.

Yesval: I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Benji: Okay? Yesval: … Yesval: … Yesval: Actually it’s gonna bug me if I don’t, so—

Yesval: This is a safety pin. *cuts off end* Yesval: It is now a danger pin.

Kidnapper: I have your partner. Cricket: What? I don't have a partner... Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face? Cricket: Oh my god, you have Flavie.

Flavie, on the phone: I better go…kay, call me later… byeeee! Cricket: Friend of Yours? Flavie: Nope, wrong number. Cricket: ???

Flavie: You have any sunscreen? Cricket: You can't get a sunburn from a bonfire— Flavie: It's for my marshmallow, ya dummy.

Benji: Cricket, you're my best friend. Cricket: Best friend? BEST friend?! Bitch, I'm your only friend. Cricket: I'M THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF TOLERATING YOUR DUMB ASS!

Benji: You know guys, sometimes I feel like Cricket doesn't take me seriously enough. Tián: "Sometimes"? Zhihao: "Enough"? Benji: Zhihao: Change that to 'at all' and we'll talk.

Benji: I can't take you seriously wearing that. Flavie: Aw, you take me seriously at all? Benji: Fair point.

Flavie: Protip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce. Benji: What's wrong with you?? Flavie: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce?? Pay attention. Tián: No, he means other than that. Flavie: Ohhhhhh. Flavie: I haven't slept in 4 days.

Flavie: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

Flavie: As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.

Flavie: I'm going to get myself some soup. Zarina: Be careful not to burn yourself, it's hot. Flavie: Pfft, I won't burn myself. *30 seconds later* Flavie, entering the room: I burned myself.

Flavie: What does “baka” mean? Tián: Moron. Yesval: Idiot. Cricket: Stupid. Flavie: The fuck did I do?! Tián, who knew exactly what he was doing: [stifles a grin]

Tián: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions. Benji: Ridiculous. Give me some examples. Zarina: Wasps? Flavie: Terriers? Tián: Benji. Benji: [brb, 'boutta fight a bitch]

Benji: You know what’s funny about Tián? He's my best friend, and anyone who’d hurt him is someone I’d murder, probably.

Tián: honk. Benji: WHAT. Tián: HONK. Benji: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????

Tián, at Benji's funeral: I need a moment with him. Everyone: Of course. *They leave* Tián, leaning over Benji's coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead. Benji: Yeah, no shit.

Tián: I’m in love with you. Benji: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork. Tián: I know. Benji: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

Hairdresser: How would you like your hair cut? Tián: Preferably with scissors, but a sword could be badass. Aditi: [silently takes notes in the background]

Tián: I have a new hoodie. Benji and Aditi, simultaneously: Wrong. Benji and Aditi: We have a new hoodie. Benji and Aditi: [look at each other, shocked—]

Tián: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep. Benji and Aditi: [look at each other, then quickly start playing rock-paper-scissors] Tián: "tHAT WAS AN INVITATION FOR BOTH OF YOU—"

Tián, being robbed: Please! Have mercy! I have a family! A wife and kids… a dog… Benji: Literally none of that is true, Tián. Tián: Okay, but I’m sexy! That’s gotta count for something, right?

Benji, Tián, Flavie, and Zhihao: I came out here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now.

*during a group project* Cricket: *does 99% of the work* Flavie: *has no idea what’s going on* Benji: *says they’re gonna help but does not* Tián: *disappears at the very beginning and doesn’t show up again until the very end*

Cricket, texting group chat: What flavour of ice cream do you guys want? I’m at the store so be quick! Benji: Moose Tracks is good! Flavie: What the fuck is that!? Benji: *Gasp* How dare you insult moo- Flavie: No. No no not that. What the hell. Why do you spell flavor like flavour. It’s like you have flavor but then this guy shows up and is like “Oui Oui Would you like chocolate flaVOUR or vanilla flaVOUR. Cricket and Benji: what? Flavie: I don’t get it why add the EXTRA u when it’s PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS!? Cricket: You done now? Flavie: Yeah ok. Cricket and Benji: ... Flavie: ...Can I have the Mint Chocolate chip flavour?

Cricket: Oh my Zarina. Yesval: Don't you mean 'oh my god'? Cricket: You worship your god, I'll worship mine.

Cricket: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. Zarina: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. Cricket: ... Cricket: You mean ring bearER, right? Zarina: ... Cricket: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Flavie: Why is Cricket crying on the floor? Benji: He's drunk. Flavie: And? Benji: He saw a picture of Zarina's husband. Flavie: But he's Zarina's husband. Benji: I know.

I love how you can tell that, between them all, Flavie, Benji, and Tián are the "crazy chaos crew" and everyone else is just dealing with their shit LOL

Also uhhh,,, have two Demonic Magic ones I managed to make work—

(those guys aren't anywhere near silly enough to pull these off lol)

Kestrel: Your lab is in the bathroom? Genesis: Father said this is the perfect place for my work. I’m just now realizing that remark may not have been entirely complimentary.

Kestrel & Eidolon: I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

open tag!

dividers by @saradika

[bg3fandomcritical-reactive]

I swear half the reason Astarion's fandom feels so omnipresent and inescapable is that his detractors can't go five minutes without whinging about him to anyone both willing and unwilling to listen. Maybe Wyll or Lae'zel or Popper the Sales-Kobold would have more fan engagement if you didn't waste all of your time and energy complaining about Astarion and starting shit with his fans. Sometimes you guys obsess over him more than his actual fans.

Also, protip: shitting all over Astarion to prop up Wyll or whoever as the wholesome unproblematic guilt-free alternative to the sexy badboy vampire isn't going to make us like him more.

Can we fucking talk about anyone or anything else now? Please? Pretty please??

.

[theglasscat]

What are your fav ASMR channels? And/or your fav triggers?

Yaaasss I'm gonna go off

Angelica (angelicasgrass) aka The Plague Nun is my all time fave but she doesn't give me ASMR triggers necessarily. I like how her work is almost a drag performance of the ASMR medium.

The first channel I ever caught onto was ALB in Whisperland, but since she doesn't do my triggers as often I don't often listen, but her work is very polished and well made.

For crisp streamlined sounds I enjoy ASMR Midnight, Be Brave Be You ASMR, Lizi ASMR, and Rea Moon ASMR. gnarlyasmr has had some really nice makeup videos I've enjoyed recently. FreddieASMR is intensely tingly for me, a lesbian, and I can't imagine what his voice does to people who are attracted to him. ATMOSPHERE ASMR is soooo good and the productions are incredible. Her harpy video and Victorian series are so good.

I really like lofi and old school ASMR, like made in Photobooth or on a laptop webcam asmr. My faves are when someone sits in their bedroom and there's cars outside and the audio is a little janky. I've seen a lot of ASMRtists go from this to the big time and I often drop off my following when this happens. Ocean ASMR when she posted from her teen bathroom and Laura Lemurex were ones where I used to follow consistently until they became really streamlined. I like to type in "makeup roleplay asmr" and hit the "this week" filter to find grainy and unpolished ASMR sounds from channels with like 10 views. I channel hop a lot and click on interesting looking links from the recommendations page.

My triggers are face brushing, makeup roleplays personal attention, face touching or examining, drawing sounds, hair brushing, and hair washing puts me right to sleep (I'm so touch starved 75% of the time lol). I like touching the camera sounds as well. I dislike whispers and unintelligible mumbles, and prefer clear soft spoken work. I despise wet mouth sounds. Fluttering does nothing for me nor does vocally mimicking the sound of the brush with mouth clicking.

Here's a protip: If the woman in the thumbnail is wearing gloss the sounds will be heavy on the wet (chances are she even reapply that gloss 9-10 times) and if she's wearing matte lipstick or no lipstick it will be crispier sounds. Does this make sense?

Honorable mentions: Scottish Blueberry's Saturday makeup roleplays, Jonie ASMR's long videos, Slumber Space ASMR's WLW videos (I have a crush), Goodnight Moon's Babblebrook series, Soft Spoken Makeup Artist Roleplay by QueenofSerene ASMR (12 Years Ago), Superfly and her sister doing makeup on each other, this one where a girl in her room witnesses a car accident off camera and at the end you hear the sirens I cannot find it it is lost to time, an exquisite Worst Reviewed Makeup Artist Roleplay where the woman spends chunks of time gossiping in another language with her neighbor slightly to the left of frame (the artist said that would be her only ASMR video), You Did a Great Job Today's makeup on screen pieces, and of course the Bee Movie extravaganza which is essentially a catalogue of every mainstream ASMRtist in the last 10 years if you need a fun place to start.

[aejiajia]

<🍓> Incorrect qoutes

Literally just a list of incorrect qoutes i update every once in a while

Jisoo: Are we really going to let Jennie keep Lisa?

Rosé: We kept Chaein.

Jisoo: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Jennie: Several traffic violations.

Lisa: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Rosé: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Chaein: Also, that’s not our car.

Jisoo: Favorite horror movie?

Jennie: It

Lisa: Saw

Rosé: Annabelle

Chaein: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

Chaein: Died and came back as a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.

Jennie: Never speak again.

Chaein: I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

Chaein: He is not the love of your life! He is literally just some guy!

Chaein : Hit him with your car.

Chaein: Protip, you do not feel good after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.

Rosé: What is wrong with you???

Chaein: I literally just said i ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce are you even listening????

Lisa: No she means other then that.

Chaein: Oh.

Chaein: I haven't slept in 4 days.

Chaein : Of course i don't get jealous about dating rumours! Their just stupid fan theories and i know better!

Dispatch: Ehe! posts (1) bp member dating rumour)

Chaein : eHe?! bitch slap

Chaein : Hey girls, remember how you told me to go to the pharmacy??

Jisoo : Yes?

Chaein : They're out of my ADHD medications for five days..

Lisa : Oh my god.

Chaein : This sure will be a fun week!

Rosé : I wanna get out of here.

Chaein : Jen- Jennie, through sickness and in health!

Jennie : Chaeyoung take me with you-

Chaein : Dating all four of you is so hard,

Chaein : Because i have to keep track of which bad jokes i've used up on each of you.

[kidsomo-blog]

A Nerd's Guide to Eat.Pray.Love.

Remind me that I'm the stupid one.

Eat.Pray.Love. Wasn't that a movie? Yes! I really enjoyed this movie written by Elizabeth Gilbert. (She is the author of the original novel.) In a nutshell, Elizabeth shares her story that she was unhappy with the life she created. Husband. House. White picket fence. Ya-da, ya-da. You get the picture. She decides to go on a journey to find herself again. She travels to three places: Italy, India, and Bali. (If you love the Forrest Gump movie, then you'll love this movie as well! It follows a similar adventure.) Anyways, she went to Italy to learn how to Eat again (live life). She went to India to learn how to Pray again (how to forgive herself). She went to Bali to learn how to Love again (**shrugs... I think she learned how to love herself). ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I found her journey interesting which I'll link below, and it inspired me to go on one of my own. So, here's a Nerd's Guide to Eat.Pray.Love.... I hope you're excited.

1. She traveled to Italy to learn how to Eat again. Live Life.

Recipe equation:

Overindulged with endless pasta + New experiences + making new friends + new memories = Food.

To unpack that a little bit, Food is commonly used to bring people together by sitting down and enjoying the present moment. Elizabeth ate endless amount of pasta before trying on new jeans with a friend, then learned to watch an italian futbol game with italians she doesn’t even know. Pretty much did things she thought she would never do; she learned to Eat again.

Unfortunately, traveling to Italy to create this eating experience is something I can't do. However, I was able to create a similar diet without having to leave San Diego.

A Nerd's guide to Eat:

My guide to Eat starts with saying hello and meeting someone new, who I usually walk by in my daily routine.

Believe it or not-- I found this as a unique travel experience. It was a new experience making both new friends and new memories. Met people with an awesome journey to share. Most importantly to me, I met some of the coolest -- and weirdest -- personalities. It's incredible how my day changed just by talking to someone new each day. I made some of the coolest friendships. Highly recommend! Great entree for the Wanderlusts & Foodies.

Pro-Tip: Its not that you need to see the world; the world needs to see you. Your unique personality is beautiful.

2. She went to India to learn how to Pray again. Learn to forgive yourself.

Those invisible scars we wear from our past relationships still hurt.

This is a tough subject to write about. We have all been in Elizabeth's shoes at some point in our lives. In a relationship that didn't end well, the memories played in her head like a broken record. It hurts even more when you find reasons to blame yourself. She went to India to learn the culture of meditation, and learned how to find peace with her past. Deep reflection meditation is a tough place to travel through.

Elizabeth sat quietly to herself on a rooftop brave enough to leave behind everything, which range from her happiest and painfullest memories from her marriage, and set out to forgive herself for calling it quits. She learned how to Pray again.

A Nerd's guide to Pray:

Find your Peace by practicing self-reflection. Be honest with yourself. listen to yourself. And forgive yourself.

The human mind is life's greatest trap. Learn to control it or be lost in it. Nobody wants to be the bad guy. Nobody wants to be the one who let themselves down. We always don't want to be the one who hurts others, but sometimes it happens. (To each their own.) Our own thoughts and emotions can take us down a dark road. We all know this feeling isn't helpful for our mental health. I learned a deep reflection in a quiet room to forgive yourself can light the way out of a dark place.

ProTip: Take as much time as you need to reflect. Sometimes saying outloud, “[Your name], I forgive you,” is all you need to hear. (Pretty much use this tip if you ever find yourself in a dark place. Bonus points if you can close your eyes while saying it.) Finally, move on and Eat again.

3. She went to Bali to learn how to Love again. Learn to love yourself.

Remind me that I'm the stupid one, again. Lol.

Okay, there's a twist at the end of this movie when Elizabeth travels to Bali to learn how to Love again. It took me a while to understand after watching it a few times. Its in the scene where she's talking to her friend in Bali. "Sometimes an unbalanced love helps balanced a peaceful life." - Her Bali friend. (I really hope I quoted that correctly. lol)

A Nerd's guide to Love:

Love yourself and everything will follow.

I'm the stupid one because I'm the blind stupid person in a relationship. (Yeah, kind of hard to believe.) I'm easy to lie to, and easy to manipulate. I'm the friend you wanna punch in the head and say, "dude, she's cheating on you. Stop being stupid!" This conversation usually happens when she's out having girls night while i'm at home washing her "guy friend's" clothes. (I'm just kidding about that LOL! But knowing how stupid I am, it can potentially happen, sigh lol) Anyways, I went hating myself for a while and tried to be someone else. It felt like I was trying on other people's clothes-- I never felt like myself; eventually, I learned if I didn’t do anything wrong, then why change. Being extra careful, taking things slow, and reminding myself I'm the stupid one was the unbalanced part in my life I needed to feel peace. (I hope that makes sense. It took me a while to understand that too.) My stupid side and I have been best friends ever since -- I can't let that guy down now.

Protip: Love your imperfections. Nobody is perfect.

A Nerd's Guide to Eat.Pray.Love.

Just a kid with a crayon ,

Kidsomo

[ilikekidsshows]

Hi! I loved the Adrinette analysis you made...do you think you could make a similar one for Ladybug and Chat Noir over seasons 1 to 3?

I knew I was leaving myself open for this ask, and I kinda dreaded it, because 80% of Ladynoir screen time is dedicated to defeating an Akuma, meaning the characters have something else to focus on rather than progressing their relationship, and most the relationship stuff is just Marinette being really stubborn and refusing to properly look at her partner. In other words, there's significantly more screen time, but also proportionally less stuff going on in Ladynoir than in Adrinette because the characters are superheroes on the job and one party is actively resisting any development happening. It's also a very different kind of arc and relationship to Adrinette where the goal is just the two of them getting closer and more comfortable with each other. Ladynoir has that as well as all the trust issues and superhero team dynamics. Basically, this post is definitive proof that Miraculous has had plot development before season four, and it has had a lot of it. I got almost dizzy with it while compiling this.

Once again, I’m trying to go in a somewhat chronological order to properly track the relationship.

In 'Origins', we only get one-sided Ladynoir stuff. Marinette is new on the job and completely focused on solving the Akuma problem and nothing else. Meanwhile, Adrien actually takes note of his partner. He sees her flounder but ultimately put together a clever plan. He sees her lose faith but ultimately pick herself up and deliver a really badass speech at Hawk Moth. It's really no wonder he fell in love. The number one thing he learned about Ladybug is that she can fail and the second thing was that she could pick herself up again and grab the win anyway. I've brought up earlier in the Top Adrinette Scene discussion that Adrien is very scared of failing, because his father does not forgive failure, so Ladybug being someone who can turn a failure into a win understandably makes his heart go pitter-patter.

Meanwhile, Marinette barely noticed her partner. As I said, she was fully focused on solving the problem, but she was also getting distracted by her own insecurities. Marinette's first experience with Cat Noir was that he was kinda smooth and seemed to be much more confident than Marinette. Her second experience was that he tended to leap before he looked, but was perfectly willing to listen to her say-so. We have a very brief attempt at flirtation from Cat Noir, that Ladybug barely seems to even notice.

In 'Bubbler', Cat Noir actually gets to flirt with his Lady. He's clearly intent on getting her to notice what he's getting at, but Ladybug seems mostly exasperated with him. At this point their partnership is new and Marinette is most likely thinking back to their first case, when Cat Noir was so patient and supportive and not this...much. She still doesn't tell him to quit it, though, meaning she’s trying to accept him being a lot.

'Stormy Weather' has Cat Noir continuing in his attempts to get Ladybug to notice him and this time she responds playfully when they're not right in the middle of a tense situation. She's getting used to this being Cat's way of interacting with her and keeping the mood light.

'Lady Wifi' has the pair discussing the secrecy between them, with Adrien actively making the decision that honoring Ladybug's wishes concerning keeping their secret identities is more important than knowing the identity of the girl he's in love with, that doing so is the proper way to love her. 'Lady Wifi' is also the first time Marinette panics at the idea of something romantic being suggested about her and Cat Noir, when Alya says Adrien might be Cat Noir, that Cat Noir might be the boy she's repeatedly told Alya she's in love with.

'Copycat' shows us for a fact that Ladybug has no idea that Cat Noir's flirtations with her are genuine, and Cat Noir is growing tired of his feelings going entirely unnoticed.

Because of his growing frustration over not being able to communicate his feelings to Ladybug in a manner that she'd take seriously, Adrien goes the extra mile to write her a love poem in 'Dark Cupid'. When he receives a response that appeared with no sender, just a ladybug, he entertains the thought that Ladybug answered his poem and does in fact return his feelings (not realizing that Ladybug would need to know his identity to deliver such a note to him specifically, but Adrien does generally worry less about secret identities than Marinette). 'Dark Cupid' is also the first occasion of Marinette's by-now patented plan "Pretend to be in Love with Cat Noir" to solve problems, except that she was absolutely certain that a True Love's Kiss could occur between them, so there isn't even much room for pretending, but Marinette's denial is so powerful, she'll try.

In 'The Mime' we see Cat Noir actually testing Ladybug's receptiveness to a date, by suggesting that they could have gone to the play together if they didn't have to detransform. Ladybug replies that she has other plans before zipping away, and Cat Noir merely smiles after her. His feelings are growing, and he might still be remembering the love note he got. In fact, this is probably why he says "We are meant to be," in 'Gamer'.

In 'Animan' Ladybug actually does some of her own flirting with Cat Noir by giving him chin scritches. We also see a very straightforward gesture of affection from Cat Noir to Ladybug, when he hugs her in relief after the battle. Ladybug smiles softly at him, seeing that her partner cares about her well-being, while Cat Noir jumps back, embarrassed over his own reaction, or perhaps even afraid of censure. Adrien isn't the type of person to suddenly grab people in a hug, most likely because such "overly emotional" displays are discouraged in the Agreste household. This is the first occasion of Adrien projecting his father's supposed reaction to a thing he does on Ladybug, so he runs away from her.

In 'Simon Says', Cat Noir clings to Ladybug when faced with Gabriel looking at him weirdly (he's trying to figure out if he's Adrien, but Adrien himself never realizes his father was suspicious of his identity). At this point, Ladybug has started to become something of a security symbol to Adrien specifically against his father.

'Reflekta' is the episode where Cat Noir reminds Ladybug that he doesn't just deliver quips and he is actually a hero in his own right, even with diminished capabilities, in response to Marinette almost leaving him behind because he couldn't use his Cat Noir powers, because he'd "just slow (her) down", and then it turns out she couldn't have won without him. However, with the scene of Cat Noir taking the hit, Ladybug also starts on the process of realizing exactly how important her partner is to her success. Noticeably, it's while they're plotting together that Ladybug responds to his flirtation by flirting back, even if not very well (protip, Marinette, demeaning someone isn't funny to anyone but the person doing the demeaning, the other person is not suddenly lacking a sense of humor). Cat Noir is also a bit softer with his overtures in this episode, his cheeky flirtation gaining a bit more intimacy.

In 'Antibug', we can see the lessons Ladybug learned in 'Reflekta' sticking, with Ladybug listening to and valuing Cat Noir's input, unlike how the last time he tried to give her advice in a Chloé situation in 'Evillustrator', when she acknowledged he was right but couldn't bring herself to follow his advice. She also flirts with Cat Noir of her own volition, when she rings his bell. Cat Noir also keeps showing genuine warmth towards Ladybug instead of being just cheeky, when Ladybug compliments him. They affirm their bond after taking down Antibug.

The events of 'Reflekta' and 'Antibug' together influence what happens in 'Volpina', where Marinette is very suspicious of a new superhero showing up, without ever suspecting she could have been an Akuma in disguise. Cat Noir is her partner, and Cat Noir is her only partner. She’s not only learned his value, but has grown possessive over him. There's no need for any outsider. This jealousy over Cat Noir is actually something Marinette doesn't get over during the first three seasons the way she learns to deal with her jealousy over Adrien.

By the time 'The Collector' happens, Adrien has developed enough trust in his partner to ultimately believe her over her suspicions about Gabriel being Hawk Moth. This episode also has the first time Marinette voices concern over Cat Noir's emotional well-being instead of merely physical, who, of course, can't tell her what's wrong because it would break the secret identity clause.

'Prime Queen' has some very nice mutual Ladynoir flirting at the start of the interview. However, they're both mortified when Nadja comes out with the pictures. Cat Noir is confused, because he had no idea that their relationship could even give that impression, he must have been feeling like he hasn't been making much progress in getting closer to Ladybug. Meanwhile, Marinette goes defensive for the first time since 'Lady Wifi' only, this time, even more so. She even runs out on Cat Noir when he, very understandably, wants an explanation why he head to learn from a reporter that she'd planted one on him instead of from her. The episode confirms that Marinette will refuse to, in any way, discuss anything romance-related in relation to Cat Noir, even when there's an innocent explanation, like breaking an Akuma's spell. She's so defensive it's suspicious.

We also have another occasion of Marinette "pretending" to be in love with Cat Noir to solve a problem. While Cat Noir purrs either over the confession, having her close, or both. Marinette also jumped at the chance to "pretend" to confess her love so eagerly, that it left Prime Queen unimpressed. Still, Marinette refused to commit to the "ruse" enough to kiss Cat Noir while he's actually conscious and aware of it, because then she'd have to deal with the aftermath of kissing him.

'Dark Owl' has the first true test of faith between Ladybug and Cat Noir, when both of them have to trust the other not to look while they have to recharge. Although, considering 'The Collector', this is actually the first test only for Ladybug. At the end of the episode, Adrien also genuinely asks Ladybug out on a date for the very first time when they unexpectedly have free time from Owl-sitting, but Marinette preferred to skip off to spend time with Alya since she hadn’t gotten to see her while being so busy with The Owl's antics for so long.

'Glaciator' has Cat Noir planning an actual outing for Ladybug. The thing is, before 'Glaciator', Marinette's response to Cat Noir asking her out has always been that she has other plans, no can do. However, in 'Glaciator', she specifically says: "We'll see," and then she ends up ghosting him because she forgot to even send him a message that she didn't feel like going anywhere. At the same time, Gabriel purposefully stands him up for dinner, causing Adrien to project onto the Ladybug situation so hard that he doesn't think Ladybug even sees him as a real friend. Considering Adrien was under the same impression about Marinette in 'Puppeteer 2', it is typical for Marinette to send these kinds of mixed signals (which is fitting, considering how clear communication seems to be the biggest bullet point in her character development agenda).

On the upside, Cat Noir's compromised emotional state led to him being more frank about his feelings to first Marinette and later to Ladybug, finally making Marinette understand that Cat Noir is actually in love with her and how sensitive her partner can really be and that she can hurt his feelings. Notably, in this episode, Marinette particularly enjoys employing her "Pretend to be in love with Cat Noir" gambit, this time even going as far as kissing him, after finding out he's actually in love with her. Indeed, at the end of the episode, her rejection to Cat Noir is entirely focused on her having feelings for someone else (as well). She never once said she doesn't love him, and, in fact, never claims so in the English dub.

In 'Sapotis' we also see a brief glimpse of Marinette's jealousy over Cat Noir when he welcomes Alya onto the team so warmly but, because Rena Rouge was a teammate Marinette herself chose and trusts, she doesn't feel threatened enough to express it more than by merely keeping an eye on their interaction. 'Sapotis' also starts the arc of Cat Noir starting to lose faith in Ladybug having his best interest in mind when Rena Rouge appears out of nowhere and he's expected to just accept that no-questions-asked.

'Gorizilla' notably has Marinette repeatedly voicing her belief that Cat Noir will show up, something Adrien appreciates a great deal, going as far as blushing over something so simple. He's astounded by the fact that his Lady has faith in him, but it seems he still believes it despite the notion being strange to him.

'Frightningale' really drives home the arc going on in this season. 'Riposte' was the first time we saw Ladybug and Cat Noir seamlessly working together to neutralize an Akuma, but in this episode, they move in perfect synch while fighting Frightningale while handcuffed together. Cat Noir and Ladybug's teamwork has reached phenomenal levels.

I've repeatedly said that 'Syren' is less about Cat Noir and Ladybug's relationship and more about Fu's relationships with his two chosen. Still, this is the episode where Marinette gets put on the spot and comes through for her partner and Cat Noir learns that Ladybug keeping secrets from him wasn't of her own volition, but because of Fu, restoring his faith in her completely.

It's most likely because of the trust Ladybug showed towards him in 'Gorizilla' and their perfectly synchronized teamwork in 'Frightningale' that Cat Noir tries to confess to Ladybug again in 'Frozer'. These two episodes could give Cat Noir hope that he might be winning Ladybug over, especially since, as I said before, Ladybug has not said she doesn't have feelings for him. But she, of course, rejects him, although it's notably with more wistfulness than the last time, especially when she comments how she doesn't think it's possible for the "other boy" to not be a concern. 'Frozer' takes place during the arc in season two that covers Marinette's growing frustration at her inability to progress with Adrien the way she wants to and the discontent shows in her interaction with Cat Noir as well.

The change in how Marinette regards Cat Noir's input in fights between season one and two is especially noticeable in 'Style Queen' and 'Maledictator'. Both times Cat Noir is absent in a fight and this influences how Marinette approaches fighting the Akumas. In 'Style Queen' Marinette tries to play it sneaky but also needs to be saved by Plagg's intervention in his holder's absence. In 'Maledictator', Marinette's plan involved siccing the brainwashed Cat Noir on the Akuma's goons. Cat Noir has become necessary to Marinette, which is why he's able to galvanize her during 'Heroes' Day' by reminding her that the two of them against the world is what's always worked.

Season three as a whole revolves around Adrien losing faith that Ladybug could ever return his feelings the way he wishes and Marinette getting several warning signs about how she could lose Cat Noir. I might even go as far as saying that this season has negative Ladynoir development (in that their relationship grows more frayed and brittle instead of stronger).

A big reason for this new development direction is 'Reflekdoll', which, according to the production codes, happens early in the season. In this episode, Ladybug and Cat Noir learn the worst possible (false) lessons about themselves and each other and they carry those lessons for the rest of the season. In my 'Reflekdoll' conflict analysis, I wrote that Ladybug basically "learns" that Cat Noir is fae-like in that he isn't bothered by mortal things like stress or heartbreak. Cat Noir, meanwhile, "learns" that, while it doesn't matter if Ladybug makes a mistake because she can always fix it, him making a mistake makes him fundamentally less worthy as a hero and a person, so he could never be as valuable as Ladybug even as a person and not only strategically.

'Weredad', meanwhile, is the quintessential evidence episode for Marinette being both possessive and in denial about Cat Noir. She's literally pretending to be in love with him to him, while totally denying to herself that she feels anything for him, all the while she's feeling jealous over him seemingly moving on from her to be in love with her. The reason it's so important that no one but Marinette herself and Tikki know what went down in this episode is that Marinette's denial would never last if someone actually questioned this whole mess.

This is also an episode where we can clearly see the aftermath of what 'Reflekdoll' did to Cat Noir. He's once again projecting his situation with his father onto someone else (this time Tom), but he's also blatantly refusing to fight Tom at full strength, because he feels that it's his fault he got Akumatized, allowing himself to get hurt severely because he feels he's not that important, that he might even deserve it.

'Oblivio' has Ladybug once again do the whole: "How dare you say I'm in love with Cat Noir I am quitting this conversation right now!" routine. Cat Noir also got actual confirmation that something about him made his Lady want to kiss him when their memories had been wiped.

'Desperada' has the semi-infamous scene of Ladybug saying she doesn't need Cat Noir and, while she learns the valuable lesson that yes she flipping does, this is also the episode where Adrien repeatedly fails to use the Snake Miraculous correctly, having to give it up to someone else, feeling like an undeserving failure *turns to look at 'Weredad' and then at ‘Reflekdoll*.

'Kwamibuster' is an episode where everyone keeps telling Ladybug not to trust Cat Noir and she believes it to the degree that she sees him as a bigger threat than a Kwami-targeting Akuma. In other words, Cat Noir being treated like a part-time hero again in season four is because of 'Kwamibuster'.

'Gamer 2.0' is actually an important episode for the Ladynoir dynamic. This is the episode where Marinette takes on way too much responsibility (voluntarily) and is really stressed about it, while Cat Noir dismantles that stress with his good humor and positive outlook. This episode enforces the lesson that was stated outright in 'Reflekdoll': "Everyone has their role", and Cat Noir's role is to be the jokester who makes Ladybug feel better. Also, Cat Noir doesn’t even hesitate to make a sacrifice play for his Lady, because he’s less important.

'Timetagger' foreshadows that Marinette's words of affirmation are losing their effect. She repeatedly says things like "I trust Cat Noir", "You're irreplaceable", "You know you're the best", but she doesn't know how to express her regard to Cat Noir in actions. And it's important to note that Adrien was raised among liars and manipulators. Even if he doesn't doubt Ladybug's intentions, he might doubt the depth and truth of her feelings for him. Because Ladybug is so nice, she might lie about valuing him to make him feel better. Words aren't enough when words are the only thing between you and your insecurities. This is also an episode that feeds into Cat Noir's worthlessness arc, with Bunnyx repeatedly insisting that Ladybug in the future is just awesome, while Cat Noir broke her Miraculous. Even Ladybug shoots him down at the end of the episode when he tries to ask for extra affirmation, claiming he "already knows he's great".

In 'Puppeteer 2', Cat Noir's hope from 'Oblivio' that Ladybug might be starting to be won over by him comes back to bite him when the wax Ladybug gets close to him by pretending to be coming onto him. He only realized she was a fake because she smelled wrong, something that comes back to haunt him in 'Ladybug', when he's faced with a perfect copy, whose only difference to the original is that she's apparently in love with him. The villains clearly know he’s so in love with Ladybug it sometimes blinds him.

With the villains using this clear weakness as an in, it's no wonder that Cat Noir finally makes the decision to move on from Ladybug in 'Heart Hunter'. He tries one more time to test her interest to see if she'd be jealous of him dating and, when she's merely overjoyed, he decides to finally move on to Kagami. However, when faced with the actual reality of Cat Noir giving his attention to someone else instead of her (instead of in addition to her), Ladybug actually finds herself hurt and questions the lack of "My Lady" in Cat Noir addressing her, but she instantly denies it when Cat Noir notices. Denial denial denial...

Aaaaaand that's a wrap! Putting this together made me realize just how interconnected the show really is but no one notices because there aren’t any secret identities being revealed, people getting together or lore being revealed. Even something that seems like a breather episode like 'Gamer 2.0' has a larger role in the arc of developing the relationship between our main heroes.

[arialerendeair]

I'll chime in, because I'm on the other extreme end of @olderthannetfic, where I can sit down and Pants a 130k story. (They're usually in the 30-60k variety, but a story is however long it ends up being for me!) To reference the video series that Elfwreck shared above - I'm an Intuitive Panster through and through!

The vast majority of the time, I know 2 things going into a story. 1. What I want the ending to be. (It is often "Characters Smooch!" because I am a simple gal who loves her blorbos kissing, even her OCs.) 2. There is a specific scene I want to write that has inspired this story in the first place and I'm writing the fic around it.

I might have a handful of beats I think I want to hit in the middle, but it's all rather nebulous until I sit down to write all of it. It's in my brain, I figure it'll eventually make its way onto the keyboard.

Like others in the thread have said - you can really only find out which you are by giving things a *try*. I've plotted out fics before (I have a 100k+ monster that's plotted out to high heaven because it's working in conjunction with a series of comics from an artist, so to keep track of emotional beats to write, I have it all plotted out), but 98% of the time, I'm not doing anything more than a series of major plot beats described with a vague sentence that are 15-20k sections a piece, or nothing at all.

One of these feels RIGHT to me. Like it is how my brain works and how I want to write. But it takes some trial and error to figure it out and even more so, to figure out what is right for YOU, anon (and to all other writers out there) and how far along either spectrum you trend. There really is no right or wrong way to approach writing - it all depends on you.

A few things that can be really tough for Intuitive Pantsers (based on my own personal experience):

Feeling like your idea is way too big and you have no idea where to start

Having a few dozen projects all going at the same time, or starting new projects rather than ending old ones

Getting stuck with no idea of where/how to proceed and then pretending you'll finish it someday

In order, here's how I tackle those things:

Allow yourself to write smaller pieces of it. This is really, really hard, but I've written dozens of ficlets that are just... 1-3k out of what could have been a 100k+ story. Not every 100k story needs to be written - sometimes you can leave those to the reader's imagination!

Part of this is the ADHD in me - I need to juggle or I go crazy, but have a plan for finishing fics. Buckling down to finish a story is TOUGH, but having a plan to do so, having a cheerleading squad, hell, having a list to cross off - it's so satisfying to do. But if you need to put a fic down for a while - that's fine. But have a plan for finishing it if you truly want to - EVENTUALLY. (NaNo is always that for me.)

If you write yourself into a corner, it is because of 1 of 2 things in my experience. 1. Your problem is 10 sentences back, read back and take a left instead of a right. 2. Your problem is you do not know how to connect Plot Point C to the later Plot Point F. Spend some time listening to writing playlists and ideating/mentally chewing on this to see what your brain comes up with.

So much of learning the type of writer you are is trial and error. Try outlining - if it doesn't work, try a lighter/less detailed approach and see if that works. If outlining doesn't work, see if pantsing works. If pantsing doesn't work - try writing out major plot beats and write again. Your style likely falls somewhere in the middle - it's a matter of figuring out what works and then rinse/repeating it from there!

One ProTip I'll offer!!

The single most useful thing for me as the type of writer I am? Learning and knowing how to touch type, and to touch type quickly and accurately. Being able to type as fast as my brain goes means that I'm not trying to keep all of a story in my head at one time. I can start writing and let it just fall out and onto the keyboard. I've written all 3 of my published stories this way, I've written thousands of fanfics this way, and it's what works BEST for me. It took me the better part of 5 years to figure out this was the best way for me to write, and another 8-10 to get to a point of proficiency. (My first published fanfic is turning 20 in April, so I know it's older than some of you!) Don't be afraid if this takes you time to figure out!

(Learning to touch type (ie type without looking at the keyboard) is one of the most useful skills you can have as an adult - and being able to do that will only help you in life, never mind how much it helps you when writing.)

And anon, if you want a practical example of some outlining I've done, as someone who DOES NOT OUTLINE (lol), here's what mine looks like for a Centaur AU I'm writing:

This is a level of prescriptiveness that is very ANTI my usual writing style, but for someone who is not a plotter, this is how I outline!

Potentially an odd or stupid question, but how exactly do people outline their fics? This is a skill that I’ve just never picked up and any of my attempts to make one just kind of sputter out and stop. I still write, but I don’t really have any hard copy of where I’m planning on taking things outside of my head.

--

Well... are you someone who likes to plan things out?

I cannot write until I have an extensive outline, and the types of stories that interest me have plots that need to be tight (e.g. mystery novels). But there are multiple types of writer, and some figure out what the story is about by noodling along and then revising once they see what they've got.

[princessamericachavez]

Hi, I’ve been wanting to get into critical role for a while, but I realized that there is so much that I just genuinely don’t know where to begin. Is there any tips how what’s the best way to get started? There is like years and years of critical role content I don’t know if I could keep up ehsjakkah

Well, lucky for you there are 3 different places where you could start.

1. You could start with the first campaign they live-streamed, especially if you are interested in Vox Machina because of the new series. It works well because you get to see the how their style changed slowly and how they went from 'home game' to 'live-stream sensation'. The first few eps might be a little weird, because they'd already been playing for a while and were basically mid-campaign, but you still have all the best arcs ahead. Also, there's a certain party member that gets increasingly annoying (to say the least) but they leave and after that you're left with the main cast and some awesome guests. There's ppl who have already made suggestions on what eps/moments to skip to avoid the worst of it. You could also start directly with the Trials of the Take arc or the Briarwood arc, imho, but the first few eps have some beats that later come into play if you want to get the whole experience (though you wouldn't miss anything major by skipping that first Kragghamer arc, in my opinion). Overall, it's an amazing campaign, especially if you're getting into this because of TLOVM.

2. You could also start with the second campaign, which has already finished. It's a good starting point for new critters because you get to see the characters start since lvl 2 and explore the way they and their relationships grow together. It's also fun because the cast was far more comfortable playing and streaming and you can see they made a lot of bolder character choices from the beginning. The Mighty Nein are a very different party to VM but their relationships are frankly amazing and it's a very fun overarching story that differs from more typical high-fantasy narrative beats. TMN are definitely far more outcasts and weirdoes than VM (at least VM at the point of the campaign where we meet them). It's fun and it's also already over so you can catch up with it calmly.

3. You could also join in on the third campaign which is currently streaming. They are 14 episodes in so far, which isn't too much. It could be a fun way to catch up and participate with the fandom's current conversation around meta, theories and ships. The story is barely starting to take shape, so it's not entirely clear what kind of narrative/campaign we'll get, but that's part of the fun, for sure! There's some throwbacks/cameos to previous campaigns, but mostly —just like campaign 2— you can watch without much context and not miss anything important. None of the campaigns are heavily inter-connected, they are all pretty much standalone stories.

As for tips for watching:

1. Don't stress yourself, it's a lot of content and there's no hurry to catch up. Even if you decide to go with c3 to catch up with the fandom, I assure you catching up is entirely possible and easier than it seems.

2. You can speed-run the episodes on YouTube at x1.5 so go a little bit faster. This is useful, especially during combat, which can sometimes take a while. I used to do this when they were planning/shopping etc and then slow down again when something I was particularly interested on happened.

3. They also come out in podcast form! So you can switch it up and just listen to some eps while you do other stuff. I used to do this, saving the 'important' plot episodes to watch on video and then listening to the ones that were more 'transitory' as the arc progressed. (Protip: if you're like me and don't have much of a poker face, beware, because I did smile like an idiot and had to muffle a few laughs while listening to VM at the gym).

4. In all honesty, if you aren't super anti-spoilers, you could always take a quick look at the critical role wiki to see what happens in each ep and maybe even skip whichever doesn't particularly interest you. Some episodes aren't as plot-productive or character-heavy as others. You can also look for those YouTube comments that compile time-stamps to just skip to the bigger or funnier moments of the episodes that otherwise don't have much going on, so that way you don't miss out on the fun but get to advance the story further. I mean... in the end, listening to all of it is a joy even with the slower eps (they tend to have some great character moments) but it's a good way to lighten the load of content.

5. Have fun! Enjoy the ride! Feel free to come here and comment on whatever you're currently on because I love to see new critters commentary about the campaigns. <3

[chalkrevelations]

So, I know I already speculated that maybe Kun could try to buy some goodwill with the main family by returning Pete, if he finds out he (still) exists, but I keep turning over scenarios in my head and wondering if we’re ever going to get any payoff for Pete being around to overhear Kun dressing down Vegas for “hurting” Porsche at the beginning of Ep 11, with the interest in Porsche, specifically, that comment betrays.

Which is a little bit tangential, although maybe somewhat related, to the actual point of this post, which is some speculation on a different track:

Further to the discussion with @placetneplacet about Vegas having to throw rocks at Pete to get him to go away at this point, r/t “escape,” what if that’s essentially what happens? What if Pete’s looking SO sad in the WDYS MV because Vegas drove him away? For Pete’s own protection? (And maybe, just a little bit, at least, Vegas’s?) Not just from Vegas, himself, in this case, but from Kun? All made maybe, possibly, slightly easier for Vegas by the fact that he’s clearly scared of what he’s just got himself into, in the final seconds that we get to see in the aftermath of their ... listen, I’m just going to start calling it their love scene, I don’t think that it’s actual love yet, although there’s plenty of connection there, and it’s clearly where we’re headed, and it’s just easier to go ahead and use the terminology :hands: ... in the aftermath of their love scene when he gets a look at Pete’s brilliant smile and his own smile slides off his face in his little italicized oh moment. (I’ll tell you what’s happening in those final seconds of that scene: We’re getting a look at the new terrain of the VP relationship and it’s this: Pete just had the most mind-blowing sex of his life and got his horizons completely altered. Vegas just fell in love. These are NOT the same things, and NOW we get to watch the delicious, delicious experience of Pete's realization, which I think is yet to fully happen. Protip, Pete: If it makes you sad, then it’s important. But first we get to watch the painful reality of Vegas in love with someone who’s not going to be mean about it, but who’s not really in love with him (yet). One night of fantastic sex, and they follow you home, right, Pete? Also, somewhere, Tawan is laughing at you, Vegas.)

ANYWAY, as I was saying, Vegas is clearly in love and terrified and still under his father’s thumb. We’ve seen how he reacted when he thought Pete was going to die from sepsis. We’ve seen how he reacted when his hedgehog died. We know he expects everything and everyone to leave him, because that’s been his experience in the past, except now there’s Pete, who not only didn’t leave, he came back, he chose Vegas, a total of at least three times in Ep 12, alone (his initial decision to stay rather than run, his decision to follow Vegas back into the house instead of run, his decision to kiss Vegas and signal that yes, he was willing to take what Vegas was offering). We’ve also seen that when Vegas is scared, he lashes out, including the scene with the book, when Pete was getting his clever fingers a little too far into Vegas’s head a little too fast for Vegas to be comfortable with. How easy would it be, driven by fear of Kun, fear for Pete’s safety, and maybe still a little bit of fear about his own feelings, for Vegas to be enough of an asshole to push Pete away? To make Pete’s decision to leave (to “escape”) just a little bit easier?

OW, gdi. I think I just hurt myself.

The one problem I can see with this is that it would require Pete NOT seeing right through Vegas on this one. Although if it could be bolstered by both Pete's need (for now) to return to the main family and the understanding that Kun is a real threat if he stays around ... Also possibly Vegas could try to fuck him stupid before making his play. Oh God. And then tell him that he's been manipulating him all along, just like TAWAN, just like he did when he left that belt the first time - manipulating him to the point where he actually HAS Stockholmed him, to get Pete to the point where Vegas doesn't even have to keep him in handcuffs, doesn't have to put him on a leash to make a pet out of him.

OW. I just HURT myself AGAIN.

I don’t know. But if Vegas could pull it off, then there’s a whole lot of delicious, painful, angsty pining on both their parts, before they come face to face again in the final showdown, and the chips start falling.

[captainclickycat]

Protip: If someone tells you they think they might have X disability or disorder or whatever, do not automatically start arguing with them or operating on the assumption that they’re wrong/lying. Even if you feel skeptical, keep that shit to yourself and consider that you’re maybe just not seeing the big picture here. You’re not the one living their life, after all.

If someone’s trying to pursue a diagnosis, they’re likely going to have to jump through enough hoops and deal with enough skepticism from people in the medical field. You don’t need to add to that, and doing so isn’t going to work like a crash course to prep them for the pursuit of a formal diagnosis. It’s just going to heap more stress and frustration on them and make them feel like nobody is listening to them.

Stop being so terrified of the boogeyman “faker who just spent five minutes on Wikipedia and diagnosed themself with something on a whim” for five minutes and actually listen.

[softichill]

I dearly hope you are enriched with selenium and pizzer after that. How are you holding up? Other boss is angry I start/leave work 6 minutes early. I gave her my best "I'm not going to stop this but I have to listen" face. You know the one. She was supposed to help me start a protest but is a busy single mother. And it's back to school, my beloathed. BLEH. So my plans are in smoke. Sigh. Either way I'm still here. I could have bathed in the amount of corn flour yesterday. Or gotten breaded. I don't think I'm a snack though. What else? I accidentally performed successful surgery on myself. Protip: don't do this. My fanfiction is coming along swimmingly. Have you played the stony particle yet? I just wanna gush about the funny gay game men. Serious analysis style. Glad you're playing the funny lesbian game! There are people who say the stanley parable is to mlm what portal is to wlw. I think it's accurate. Seen some crossover fics but none just right. I never finished co-op mode but there is a cutscene at the end of that I've seen. It's been ages but I could probably play that again. I love how mean the series gets. I hear there was a lego crossover but it felt slightly to the left of what it was supposed to be. Guess that's the point. Kidies don't need to know about the darker lore. Not yet. Give em a few years. Need to play aperture desk job, myself. Looks interesting. You ever hear of Bear Ghost? They made a song called Starkiller that is fan freaking tastic! Who knew this good a song could come out of star wars?

I am I am!! Sorry for the late response again. I need to work on responding more quickly ehe...

Oh no that sucks DD: I hope things start working out better soon!!!

I have not played The Stony Particle yet, if I'm assuming correctly that you're saying The Stanley Parable. And yeah I'm playing Portal 2!! I played the first one a while back and am finally getting to the second, once I've finished playing single-player I'm gonna try out the co-op mode with my sibling. We have some pretty different ways of solving the many puzzles, so it's gonna be fun!!

Ooo I think I might have heard of Starkiller!! I don't have access to YouTube rn sadly but I'll listen to it when I can!

I recommend Touch-Tone Telephone by Lemon Demon (if I haven't already in the past fjdbfjdbnf). It's a song about a conspiracy theorist trying to contact Leonard Nimoy fjbdcjbd

[presumenothing]

fmab (+03) fic masterlist

because even i’m starting to lose track of what i’ve posted so far. all writing is eventually crossposted to ao3, individual tumblr posts linked below the cut because it’s lengthy as hell 

(this is like 85% post-promised day fic with the occasional canon-divergence au for flavour, ft lots of resembool kids, riza, and roy. basically gen with near-zero ship content because that’s how i roll)

update: total wordcount has now broken 20k 25k 30k 35k 40k 45k(!!!!) 

update 2: now with crumbs of 03 content because yeehaw

april

“Actually, Winry – can you do something for me?” 

“Lieutenant. Would you ever consider learning alchemy?”

“I guess I just – want to figure out who I am. Me, not the Fullmetal Alchemist.”

Besides, the scars on his palms have been – pardon his language – hurting like a bitch ever since he woke to this gloomy weather this morning.

Ishval had given him plenty of practice at that soldier’s art of taking even the lightest of naps whenever circumstances permitted.

[au] Ed has never had reason to hate how swiftly his mind works, not until now.

It’s just simple clerical error that leads to Edward Elric retaining his title and pay as a State Alchemist, even after the Promised Day. No, really.

may

He’s just tired, not about to collapse.

These days Ed’s journals are actual proper travelogues, no coded shit or anything.

[au] It doesn’t even start until after they arrive in Resembool. 

(can’t have been the more socially-adjusted brother, obviously.)

[au] “I don’t,” Ed bites out, “know any damn alchemists.”

Maes raises an eyebrow and sloshes his near-empty cup pointedly. 

august

[wip] “Is this about Al, or you?”

“–of course I know these aren’t the most efficient routes!”

Ed seriously considers dyeing his hair more than once, in the After.

Winry only needs a glimpse of red to know what it must be.

Rush Valley talks. Winry listens.

Much as Al loves his brother to itty-bitty-and-very-shouty pieces,

The first time someone mistakes Al for the Fullmetal Alchemist, 

+ The thing is, Al gets it.  

“Brother told me that you told him about Ishval,” Alphonse says.

It’s an honest observation – as honest as he can ever get, at least –

[au] In another world, she is never named the Hawk’s Eye.

“Somehow I doubt your place is much better, sir.”

would it be the most impossible thing to have happened to the Elrics?

“I can’t believe he didn’t tell us,” Ed growls,

a minimum age limit on all candidates for the State Alchemist exam.

“There’s gotta be a shark somewhere around.”

The Elrics make transmuting without circles look easy.

The problem, if Riza is to put it into words,

Al completely botches the first dozen or so transmutations

(Ed? Talking about automail? Over food?)

[au] in the end it’s Al who really takes after their father.

“Fullmetal realising his celebrity status? Woe betide us,”

The tea is actually well-made, first of all, not burnt 

“Not like– I mean, personal about me, not you!” 

[au] “Huh,” Al says.

Still less work than getting entropy-murdered by Olivier, he decides.

[au] It’s not every dead person that he sees.

[au] They weren’t even meant to stop in Resembool.

Jean just wants to make one thing – okay, a few things – very clear.

Ed knows this firsthand from too much Winry exposure.

The lump on the couch lets out a string of wholly intelligible noises.

september

“Take me out to dinner,” Riza says.

“We’re not even in Amestris, though.”

[au] Riza had been angry too, when she had let herself be, but hers is a cold ire, locked beneath glaciers and the burn of frostbite. Wrath makes no such pretences.

[outline] But in the case of Fullmetal – more specifically in the case of Fullmetal and Youswell – Roy mostly wishes he could unknow things.

[au] Roy forces enough air into his lungs to get the words out. “You’re dead.”

[outline…?] winry’s gonna like this, al says.

Alphonse flaps a hand. “Oh, because it’s complete bullshit.”

“Y’know, you really aren’t that tall, Brother.”

getting to finally keep a cat hadn’t been very high on his list of priorities.

[au] “Edward. Get out of here, take Envy with you.”

[wtnv au] “Welcome to Resembool.” 

october

just because you’re immortal doesn’t mean you can’t die from food poisoning, young man.

[au snippet] It’s sort of a belief, in the eastern parts of Amestris,

[03] Al’s hug is the first real thing he’s felt in years.

[03] Never thought you were, Ed retorts lightly, and lets Alfons turn away with a huff.

“When you said to come visit you in Rush Valley this is not what I was expecting!”

(and jeez, only Ed would manage to make it necessary to keep a kit on hand for actual minor-to-major catastrophes during a semi-honeymoon trip)

november

[03] Except the sight of his brother only serves to make everything worse, for once.

[au] The worst thing about this is that it’s not even equivalent. 

[au] “You wanna know why? The real reason, not the quantum bullshit I fed Mustang.” (+ more in the tag)

[snippet] And just for that I won’t be leaving Wrath any.

“I shall finally exact the decisive vengeance that I have always dreamed of,” Scar booms right back before Armstrong can even ask, 

Al knows from the moment he wakes up that it’s going to be a good day.

[snippets] The real disaster comes when Ed learns how to weaponise his height.

[03 au] The man in the brown overcoat. That’s all anyone ever seems able to recall of Edward.

[au] They say the Elric house is haunted. Of course. Empty houses are always haunted.

Of course, this assumes that said person is an alchemist of some ability, and that said life has been one of some loss and strife. 

“Are you alright? Nod for yes, swear at me for no.”

from the intervening pause he surmises Riza is jotting something down on the notepad she keeps by the phone.

She’s been looking forward to the day when her hair finally gets long enough to – well, no longer be short.

“Remind me of this the next time I decide to trust Ling any further than I can throw him.” ( + xing tag)

december

Ed’s almost twenty when he realises that Hawkeye must’ve been around his age when she was deployed to Ishval.

[au] At least this far out from Amestris Ed could mostly brush the first one off as an interplanetary translation fuckup.

bonus textposts and assorted nonsense

the Better Alchemist™️

on the topic of ed’s scrawl

al, defender of cat

*csi miami theme but with cats*

on the topic of flat affect + 200000% turbo by default

on the topic of pain tolerance + further thoughts

ed @ mustang’s problem solving skills

ok but about liore…

terrible TERRIBLE ideas (three of them)

putting the SHORT in SHORT-TEMPERED

clap reflex

you’re retired, ed, r e t i r e d

and by “ambidextrous” i mean “confused”

protip: you can’t

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAH (aka csi miami theme, riza redux)

feral ducklings, the continuation(??)

does THIS count as elric telepathy

honestly, y’all

too much fire?? sounds fake

on the topic of academia

sometimes the stars align

on the topic of riza hawkeye

terrible idea, berthold version

immortal troubles

THE CHURCH OF EDWARD ELRIC

PRIDE (& WRATH): one, two, three (4koma)

objectively the worst post-cos timeline

serious stuff: fma drama cd, daughter of dusk

asks: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 aka izumi pwns roy, 9 aka not coffeeshop au, 10 aka legalities, 11 aka autograph woes

[fxckitup-buttercup]

“Girl let me love you And I will love you Until you learn to love yourself.” from Ne-Yo’s Let me love you.

sorry this took so long but i wanted to make sure i got this right for you! i know you like angst so i tried to make this angsty for you, my friend! ❤️❤️❤️ warning: online bullying

You felt love for everyone. 

Everyone but yourself. 

Someone could compliment you and your reaction was always, “Thank you, but that’s not right!” You would always laugh it off with the biggest smile. You never broke down no matter what happened. 

People thought you might be with someone who more matched your levels of innocence. None of them ever thought that you would be with the Red Devil himself, Karma Akabane. 

He was so completely sinful everyone was worried he’d corrupt you. You didn’t have to worry about that. You knew he loved his pranks and always listened to his crazy stories. There was a new one everyday. 

Throughout your entire relationship, you made sure to keep your head high and your smile wide. Karma had never seen you once break down in any way. 

Something that he was overly used to was you surprising him with a picture. He knew that you used social media even if he didn’t. You really did love to take pictures of places you and your friends would go for fun and post them. 

There were always issues that you would face due to being online but you would never bother anyone with them. 

There was one day when Karma was hanging out with a few of his classmates. Nagisa had gotten a notification on his phone that you had recently posted a picture on one of your platforms. Now, Karma always loved to have pictures of you on his phone so he had asked to see it. 

Nagisa handed his phone over - something he rarely did because it was Karma. “Please just don’t fuck up my phone again,” he said with a nervous laugh. 

Karma scoffed and waved aside the concern. He scrolled through your feed, smiling at how happy you looked in the pictures. There was one picture that he couldn’t help but stare at. You were wearing an outfit that you had been really happy to put together. The comments grabbed his attention. 

xxxx: that outfit just makes you look fat

xxxxxxx: protip! dont smile

xxxxxx: how are you able to have a boyfriend when you look like dog shit?

The comments went on like that. Karma went to other posts and found that there were some like that under every post. 

At that point, he was livid. He wanted to find each and every person who made those comments and make them pay. He wanted to literally smash their heads into the cold, hard, pavement. 

No one should ever disrespect someone he’s close to, especially you. Karma handed Nagisa his phone back. “I have to go,” he said quickly. He grabbed his stuff and called you, worry picking at him. 

His mind was racing. He knew that you were struggling with your body image and that these comments weren’t helping. Why didn’t you come to him? Why didn’t you tell him about what was wrong? 

As soon as Karma got to your house, he used the key you gave him to get inside. He knew you were going to be here - your last picture was of you in your room. He made his way to your room, knocking before opening your door. 

You weren’t inside but he could hear you. You were letting out soft cries and he could hear it. “(Y/N)? Babe, are you okay?” he called out. Karma immediately went to the bathroom. The door was closed and locked, making an already worried Karma, even more worried. “(Y/N), please.” His voice was soft. 

He heard you sigh from the other side. Your voice was shaky and uneven. “I’m…. I’m okay, Kar. You don’t have to worry about me,” you said from the other side. 

Little did he know that you were in a downward spiral. The people telling you those awful things online. The feelings of dread you got whenever clothes didn’t fit. The feeling of not being good enough for Karma swallowed you up most. 

You had no idea how you were able to get with a guy like Karma. He was so sweet and he loved you with all his heart. At least you hoped he did. 

Karma didn’t want you to be alone. “I know you’re not okay. I know that you’re going through shit,” he said, leaning against the bathroom door. “I don’t want you to go through this alone.” You listened to his words, not wanting to say anything. “You shouldn’t listen to what those people say about you. They’re all wrong.”

You took a deep breath, trying to wipe away your tears as you heard him. His voice was filled with so much worry but held so much care in every word. You finally opened the door, causing Karma to almost fall to the ground if he had not gained his balance quickly. 

Just as he was regaining his balance, he almost fell over again, getting tackled in your hug. You started to cry into his chest, holding onto him. He held onto you tightly, gently moving the two of you to the ground. 

Karma hated to see you like this. He hadn’t ever wanted to see you so broken. “I promise…. (Y/N), I promise, I will love you and I will love you,” he whispered softly to you. “I will love you until you learn to love yourself and even after that.”

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #235: Havoc on the Homefront!

September, 1983

Welcome to the Wizard’s Mansion of Mechanized Mayhem!

This cover has got it going on!

Where “it” is “multiple things.”

Still, I love covers that are just like ‘here’s a couple things happening today’ and this is a great version of that concept with the things being viewing screens that the Wizard is looking at.

He’s watching the Avengers in various peril channel.

This is a good cover!

So last time: uh, a couple things. Wasp called Vision and Scarlet Witch in as reservists when Annihilus tried to blow up the universe with an invisible dome. The two basically contributed nothing but Vision was thrown into a robotic coma.

Wanda and Vision in a tube moved into the mansion while he recovers and Wanda recapped her entire backstory including new retcon that Magneto is totally her dad.

Then she had a Dr. Strange crossover. Since it also involved Monica, two Avengers makes it notable enough to synopsize in brief. And its titled Assault on Avengers Mansion! so its like its baiting me.

Dr. Strange astral projects to bother Wanda when she’s trying to get some grief reading in. He wants to find the Darkhold and she’s the last known possessor or vice versa because thats when she was possessed by Cththon and had to be saved with a care bear stare from the Avengers. But Dr. Strange really wants the Darkhold to stop Dracula from getting it. Yes, Dracula.

Since the Darkhold is being stored in a vault at Avengers Mansion after Beast brought it back from Wundagore, Dracula’s cult attacks and manages to break into the Mansion. Dr. Strange, Wanda, and Captain Marvel all fight off Dracula’s cult and then Dr. Strange trolls Dracula by teleporting the Darkhold somewhere else.

Also, Avengers Mansion got trashed in a break-in in Fantastic Four #257. Dammit. Whats with all the intertextuality in this era?

So that story there is: mostly a lot of Galactus eating the Skrull homeworld and fallout from aforementioned Annihilus story. Only the last two pages are relevant.

Mr. Fantastic shows up to Avengers Mansion to check on Vision, Wanda goes to make him tea, and then he’s teleported to a space trial leaving a giant melted hole in the mansion.

Honestly, I don’t know why FF got asterisked instead of the Dr. Strange issue. They both messed up the mansion but the Dracula cult was more of a break-in than someone leaving a giant hole in the wall. Although that’s more mysterious.

Anyway, with two different ‘read this also’s between issues that messed up the mansion, no wonder the opening splash has to be devoted to a repair crew patching things up.

Wasp is putting her size-shifting to good use to literally micro-manage. Zipping around at tiny size telling everyone how to do their job.

Captain America who is also supervising and impressing people with how buff he is gets annoyed and goes to tell her to stop but stops himself.

Captain America: No... No. She’s in charge here, and I have to let her handle things as best she can. Her methods do seem to bring results... They’re just not my methods, that’s all. Yeah...

And then he sulks off, ignoring Wasp when she asks what he’s muttering to himself.

Hm. The new leader honeymoon period is off, it seems. Cap was Wasp’s biggest supporter as chairperson and now he’s grumbling and second-guessing.

Dang.

I hope this isn’t snapback to Wasp not being leader because she’s flighty and silly. I hope we’re not just going to do that.

Cap wanders over to where Vision-inna-tube and Wanda are. Wanda is still glued to Vision’s side. And either Wanda can read minds or Cap says something between panels because we have Cap wondering in a thought bubble whether if Vision has shown any signs of improvement and then Wanda answering that he hasn’t shown improvement or worsened.

Cap(tain) America: “Well, don’t let yourself get too worried, Wanda. That husband of yours has been through worse scrapes than this. He’ll pull through!”

Scarlet Witch: “When you say it, Cap, I can really believe it!”

Inspirational Cap! Charisma rolls: Very.

Still, Wanda is sad because Vision is lying in a tube helpless and she can’t even touch him.

Cap wanders off again, without even saying goodbye (rude) while musing how much it sucks.

Cap: Blast it! Those kids were just starting to make a life for themselves, and this had to happen! Why was it that of all the Avengers who went up against the threat of Annihilus -- it had to be a couple of reservists who suffered most?

And then starts musing how weird it is that Scarlet Witch and Vision as reservists since they were active Avengers for so long!

Remember, Wanda joined the Avengers not very long after Cap did! Only a couple months in-universe! She was one of his Kooky Quartet!

Cap: At times I wondered if the Avengers would survive -- but somehow, through all the tumult and changes, the team not only survived -- it grew stronger! I pray it always will... with the menaces we so often face, we can’t afford to weaken. We’ve gone through so many changes lately. We’ve picked up two fine new Avengers in Captain Marvel and the She-Hulk, but we’ve lost Hank Pym... and now we’ve lost Iron Man, too. Even Thor has taken himself off the active roster to pursue a personal mission. I hope he won’t be gone too long.

Cap is clearly in some sort of dour Mood.

A dour and monologue-y mood.

And what’s Thor up to leaving the team roster OFF PANEL?

(Sigh)

Well, since the asterisk is telling me to see Thor #334... oh geez, Don Blake is under suspicion of killing Jane Foster. Thor, and Lady Sif take Keith Kincaid (the non-Thor love interest of Jane) on a trip to get the Runestaff (long story) and restore Jane Foster (long story).

Annoyingly, the Thor issue does show him telling the Avengers he’s going to be gone for a while and to take him off the active roster. And borrowing a Quinjet.

I think that it would have been nice to see at least a panel of that. Or something. I don’t want the book bloated with ‘see alsos’ but I’m confused why it put the most emphasis on the FF one when it was literally two pages where Reed manages to ruin the wall while getting kidnapped.

Whatever.

Anyyyyway.

Even though he thinks the new Avengers are good, Cap worries about having both Thor and Iron Man off the team.

Especially Iron Man.

He was their science/technical guy. And on the current team, the only one with any sort of science expertise is new trainee Starfox.

Who is busy making out and not being on time for his daily training session.

At least he remembers that he has a prior obligation.

And he’s only two minutes late. Or to put it another way, he’s a whole two minutes late. And Cap(tain America) is a notable stickler for punctuality.

Cap: “Punctuality may be an anachronism in this day and age -- and, for all I know, it may be unheard of on the planet Titan -- but in my day, it was something that was expected of people!”

Wow, Cap really pulled a ‘in my day.’

Frankly, I’m surprised he doesn’t pull that more often.

Starfox does seem contrite and apologizes for putting pleasure before business which sends Cap into an introspection about why he’s really being so harsh on Starfox.

Protip: It’s Tony. It’s almost always Tony.

Cap: Pleasure versus duty, that’s what it always comes down to. It was Tony Stark’s ‘pleasure’ which led him to giving up his Iron Man identity... leaving the Avengers. Some ‘pleasure’! He’s crawled so far into the bottle, he may never get back out. And there’s nothing I can do to pull him out... Nothing any of us can do, unless he lets us. That’s what’s really bothering me... isn’t it?

And he accepts the apology with a “just don’t let it happen again.”

You sound so old sometimes, Cap.

Meanwhile, She-Hulk is off on a jog through New York, listening to some Beach Boys’ California Girls.

An overeager driver scoots forward and cuts her off at the crosswalk and (I assume) in frustration, she punches the hood of the car.

And given it’s She-Hulk, she kinda punches a hole IN the hood. And probably engine.

The guy being either an idiot or incredibly unperceptive runs after She-Hulk to grab her arm and yell at her.

She does not care for that at all.

Like, why would you? She’s seven feet tall and green and just punched a hole in the hood of your car.

Luckily for the guy’s skeletal integrity, Spider-Man pops out of nowhere to be Friendly Neighborhood and mediate this conflict.

They both air their grievances.

She-Hulk: “This creep grabbed me!”

Creep: “Hey! She... she crunched the front of my car!”

She-Hulk: “That was you who cut me off in the crosswalk? You’re lucky I didn’t rip out your axle!”

Spider-Man: “Now, now! Let’s keep this friendly! Sounds like you’re in the wrong, chum! The lady had the light!”

Creep: “Lady?!? She’s no --!”

Spider-Man: “I wouldn’t say that if I were you! That’s the She-Hulk, dummy! Remember what she did to your car? Well, just imagine what she could do to you!”

Creep: “Oh yeah.”

And with the power of Spider-Man’s bomb-ass mediation, the guy realizes that he was in the wrong, apologizes, and leaves in a hurry.

(Her skeptical glare cracks me up for some reason)

Moral of the story: Don’t be a jerk. Stay behind the line when the little man is lit up.

After the guy takes off, She-Hulk praises(?) Spider-Man’s amazing mediation skills by saying he should have been a lawyer. And then they catch up.

She-Hulk is still having trouble adjusting to the East Coast lifestyle and lack of beaches so Spider-Man suggests checking out the Jersey Shore.

She-Hulk: “My big problem right now is housing. Avengers Mansion is nice, but I want a place of my own.”

Spider-Man: “It’s tough -- rents are pretty steep.”

She-Hulk: “The real trouble is finding a place I like. With the thousand a week I get as an Avenger, rent’s no big deal.”

Spider-Man: “I guess not, if you’re making a... a thousand A WEEK?!? I passed up a chance to become an Avengers, and they make $1000 a week?!? Oh, NO!!”

Ha ha, that ol’ Parker luck.

Maybe Thor should have mentioned the money when he tried to recruit Spidey.

Meanwhile, at a federal penitentiary in Vermont, a scene change.

Bentley Wittman, aka the Wizard, aka the Wingless Wizard, aka the adult man who thought the best use of his time was bullying a teenager, is being questioned about Plantman Sam Smithers’ escape from jail.

The Wizard claims that he knows nothing about Plantman’s escape and that he barely knows the guy anyway. They were airlifted from Ryker’s in the same helicopter and that’s it.

But a convenient x-ray tells a different story.

And that story is that “the Wizard” doesn’t have any skeleton bones.

... Were we really at the point in 1983 where we didn’t know about the dangers of overexposure to x-rays? They just causally scan both “the Wizard” and the guy questioning him?

Anyway, the ruse being rumbled, the fake Wizard rips the bars out of a window and jumps out to his death.

Or it would be death if he wasn’t just animate wood wearing a fake skin suit.

Kinda gross if you think about it.

Anyway, where is the real the Wizard?

Obviously, he escaped jail a while back. Not only is he a sinister criminal mastermind who has sinister masterminding to mastermind but also he was tired of the prison hair code. Because dammit, he wants to rock the goatee!

(Literally a comment he makes, calling the prison barbers butchers)

The Real Wizard gets a BLIP-BLIP-BLIP priority alert that informs him that the plant-him has been discovered which means that the authorities will be looking for him now.

Wizard: Now every law officer in the nation will be looking for me. Well, let them! They’ll not find me, unless they look here! And if they do look here, they’ll have a fight on their hands! The Wizard will not bolt and run like some common criminal! My home is my fortress! They’ll never get me out of it! Never!

Anyway, within an hour of the discovery of Plant-Wizard, a disgruntled agent of the national security council named Mr. Sirkorski receives a briefing.

Usually, this problem would be Gyrich’s problem but he’s busy somewhere else, probably making mutants miserable if I had to guess.

-checking- Yup, he’s over in the X-books, being involved in Project: Wideawake, the project that will later accidentally shoot Storm with a demutantifying gun that will take away her powers, leading her to kick Cyclop’s ass, leading to him leaving the team and feeling sad about being happily married.

Wow, Gyrich, you’re the worst.

Anyway, since the Wizard is tied to the presidential hostage crisis via Plantman, that makes it Serious Business.

Hence, Mr. Sikorski’s serious business.

And he hates it.

He hates this bonkers superhero universe. He just wants to live in a spy thriller universe without all this specific nonsense.

Mr. Sikorski: “Oh, great! Plant-Men... criminal scientists... prison breaks! Don’t they think I have enough to do, just keeping track of what the Russians are up to?”

Also Mr. Sikorksi, on the following page: “And it’s up to me to call in the appropriate parties. I feel a little weird doing this! It’s hard enough for me to believe there are such things as Avengers! I certainly never thought I’d be calling them for help!”

This guy is great. I hope he becomes a recurring and just continues to be low-key pissed about what genre he lives in.

SCENE CHANGE TO AVENGERS MANSION’s actually looking cooler than ever meeting room.

The table looks enormous and theres a giant viewscreen that they can display stuff on.

Only misstep in my opinion is that the seats don’t have personalized icons on the back.

On the big viewscreen map, Cap(tain America) is displaying for Captain Marvel known properties and hideouts that the Wizard has used in the past.

And then big boss the Wasp comes in with She-Hulk to start the meeting.

Since the government has requested that the Avengers help search for the Wizard, Captain Marvel suggests that she could zoom around and check off the whole list in no time flat by using her lightspeed.

Cap(tain America): “You probably could, C.M. -- that’s up to Jan to decide, of course. It would save us some time. After all, the Wizard could be in any of these places... or none of them!”

Wasp: “You think so? If I’d escaped from prison, I’d want to go home. But that’s just me, I suppose.”

Cool contribution, Jan.

I don’t mean to mock, its just she makes a goofy face.

(Hey, I wonder if her new costume was inspired by the FF’s negative zone’d ones. It’s kinda got a similar palette and rough design)

Anyway, Scarlet Witch asks whether she can be excused from superheroing for the day to keep an eye on the Vision.

Wasp: “Why, Wanda! I should say not! You agreed to fill in for Thor while he’s off in space, and I intend to hold you to that! I’m the chairwoman, and I’ll decide who goes where!”

In fact, since somebody does need to watch the Vision, Wasp chooses the most reasonable candidate.

Captain Marvel!

Who needs her to get the task done in five seconds! She can watch the coma-robot.

You make interesting decisions, Jan!

The remaining Avengers will split up into squads.

Captain America will take Scarlet Witch and She-Hulk to check the hideouts on the east of the map. Wasp and Starfox will check out the western ones.

She-Hulk: “You and Starfox, huh? That’s rich... the All Flirt Squad!”

Pfft.

Cap(tain America) isn’t feeling the humor and tells She-Hulk to save her jokes for when they don’t have a job to do.

Minutes later, the Avengers land a Quinjet on the front drive of the Wizard’s Long Island estate. He has one of those.

Cap: “Come on Avengers -- let’s get this over with!”

Good attitude, Cap.

Wanda notes that the grounds look neatly tended considering that the estate has been empty for the past several years but She-Hulk thinks a gardener was probably kept on retainer.

The Wizard was stupid rich.

When they get inside, Cap changes his tune. The place looks too tidy and ready for occupancy to be empty so maybe the Wizard is here.

So he pulls a ‘lets split up gang’ and splits up gang with each Avenger taking a wing.

Cap: “Oh, and She-Hulk, try not to break anything if you can help it. This is private property!”

Priorities!

Granted, She-Hulk is known to break things. Why just today she broke some dude’s car.

The Wizard is watching all of this on his home security system and springs individual traps on the individual Avengers.

She-Hulk finds herself in a series of identical small non-descript rooms, each more identical than the last.

So identical that its the same room, looping.

Wizard: “Through the circuity in that doorway, I’ve activated a dimensional matrix which will keep your walking back and forth ad infinitum through the same room!”

Except without seeing herself leaving which you’d think she’d be able to see.

It’s a smart way to trap a Hulk, provided they don’t run out of patience or get frustrated and smash something.

Meanwhile, Cap gets locked in a chamber where an anti-gravity field has been activated, leaving him flailing through the air.

Oh, and dozens of high-intensity laser torches pop out of the walls and start trying to carve up Cap.

Meanwhile, Scarlet Witch’s individualized trap is the most individualized of all.

Because She-Hulk’s and Cap’s could be used on any number of people really. But Wanda’s feels like it was created to counter Wanda. Pretty on the ball from the Wizard considering he doesn’t often fight the Witch.

When Wanda enters the room she suddenly starts spinning out of control, flies across the room, and lands in a chair.

Wizard: “Marvelous! I’ve ensnared the Scarlet Witch within something against which her astounding hex powers are useless. My field effect devices have generated a pocket of non-causality within that test chamber! Within the area, all actions have an equal chance of occurrence. Therein, all probabilities are skewed. She won’t be able to stand, much less cast a hex!”

Wow! That’s some high octane comic book nonsense science!

The point being that every time Wanda tries to do something, something random happens instead because its all equally likely. She tried to walk into a room and ended up standing on the roof. She tried to back out of the room, she started spinning. She tried to stop spinning and she flew into a chair.

Sure.

With the Avengers all trapped, the Wizard turns his attention to deciding how to dispose of them.

Except, as cleverly foreshadowed by my snide comments, She-Hulk’s trap is only as good as Jen’s patience.

Which is good forrrrrrr. Two dozens loops.

At that point, she’s sure some bullshit is up and scratches the wall with her nails to leave a tangible mark. When she sees the same mark in the ‘next room’ her suspicion is confirmed.

And now that she knows someone is jerking her around, she decides to ignore Cap’s suggestion to not break private property by breaking private property and rips the doorframe (and the dimensional matrix) to crap.

There’s a backup trap that drops slabs of six-inch omnium steel around her but yeah she’s a hulk and she’s not playing considerate anymore. She starts KRUNGing the walls with her fists.

Meanwhile, Cap uses physics to get out of his jam. He throws his mighty shield to break some lasers so action/reaction will propel him backwards and he can jump off the wall, grab his shield back, and uses one of the broken-off lasers against the others.

Also, meanwhile, Scarlet Witch tries to figure out her own, incredibly specific trap.

Scarlet Witch: This is like a nightmare! Whatever I try to do, something else happens. Just in making the attempt to call on my hex power, I wound up falling flat on my face! I can’t even... wiggle my fingers? I... I can! Oh, but only very close to the floor! Whatever is causing my actions to go awry must be weaker near the room’s outer surfaces! Then there’s HOPE -- !”

Wizard must have gone cheap on the pocket of non-causality projector for that room if it’s not completely covering the area. Sure, the area it doesn’t cover is relatively small but now what’s about to happen is going to happen.

So Wanda gets as low as she can go to the floor and uses her probability-altering powers.

This causes the non-causality field to reverse because why wouldn’t it? And causes feedback through the circuitry which causes the master control to shock the Wizard.

It also causes every logic circuit in the master control to overload and the whole dang thing explodes, Wizard barely flying out of the control room in time.

Right in She-Hulk’s path.

She’s not happy. He’s not going to like her not being happy.

She-Hulk: “After what I’ve been through, it’s gonna be a real pleasure to pound that helmet down around your ankles!”

Wizard nopes right out of her way and decides to abandon fortress.

Then Scarlet Witch probability alters his battlesuit flight controls to malfunction to halt his escape and make him crash to the-

...

I’m pretty sure his neck is broken now.

I mean, it’s apparently not because he keeps talking and moving and living but he look at that panel. Guy should be dead as movie Zod.

Y’know, if the Avengers are going to kill the Wizard, the FF should really get them back and kill one of their villains. I suggest Grim Reaper.

Anyway, surrounded by Avengers, Wizard pulls his trump card.

Wizard: “Your confidence is ill-founded, Captain America. There is one resource I can yet draw upon. There is a thermonuclear devise beneath my house -- powerful enough to destroy half of Long Island and make the remainder very unpleasant for a very long time. Much as I hate to see this place destroyed, I would press the button, so to speak.”

“You being such renowned public heroes, would hate that even more. But unless you allow me to go unharmed, I shall active the timing sequence of the bomb’s detonator.”

And Cap is like ‘do you mean this detonator’ and pulls out one he prepared earlier.

HAH!

You know, ironically, if he had just hidden in a safe room or on the roof or something, the Avengers probably would have came and went without noticing him. Springing traps on them really backfired in oh so many ways.

The threesome return to the mansion, presumably after turning Wizard over to the authorities, and Wasp comments that it sounds like they had a bit of excitement (Starfox grumbling to himself more excitement than he had searching the Bronx with the Wasp ha ha).

Cap(tain America): “You’ll be glad to know, Wasp, that your instincts were correct. The Wizard had indeed gone home. He gave us all a pretty good challenge... a welcome challenge, I dare say.”

Wasp: “Looks like I assigned the right people to search the right place, huh?”

Cap: “Yes, Ms. Chairwoman, I’d say you did!”

And elsenow, Wanda goes to the medical bay to check in on Vision and relieve Captain Marvel.

Scarlet Witch: “Can you hear me, darling? I hope you can. I was feeling awfully blue today... And I was given a duty that first seemed annoying, and later became dangerous. But I didn’t give up... I came back, and I won. I know that you can come back, too, darling! It’s just a matter of time... and hope.”

“It’s funny! I thought the Wasp was silly for sending me on that mission. But -- in a way --it was something I need. I think the others needed it, too!”

Captain Marvel: “Then that’s why she sent you, Wanda... because she knew what you needed! And that’s why she leads the Avengers!”

Secret friend mastermind Janet van Dyne sends you out for punch therapy when you need to punch something.

Reminds me of when Captain America picked a fight with Goliath Hank Pym to lift his spirits. Except with a lot less fighting her own friends and more pointing them in the right direction.

Something I love about this era of Avengers and with the big shift in Wasp after Hank’s court-martial is that while her character has changed she’s still recognizably and uniquely herself. She’s still a bit goofy. She’s still playful. And on top of that, she’s proven that she’s a good leader for the Avengers. It’s not mutually exclusive.

Cap (previously Wasp’s biggest supporter as leader) started this issue grumpy and even had his own ideas what the best tactic for searching for the Wizard would be, but by the end he agrees that Wasp made a good decision.

Despite playing the ditz for a long part of her career, Wasp isn’t dumb. And she’s got a good head for the interpersonal challenges of running a team too.

I’m reminded that during the much later Busiek run, when the Avengers need to expand and modernize to match up to expanding challenges, Captain America turns the leadership of the team over to the Wasp.

My point being, I was worried that there’d be snapback on Wasp being leader because she is flighty and silly. But instead, she can be flighty and silly and still a good leader.

I’m pleased with this take, Stern.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because there will probably be more Wasp being a good leader. Fingers crossed. Also, like and reblog this post maybe if you also like Wasp being a good leader.

[pagerunner-j]

Having finally gotten hold of a PS5 (protip: you can sign up with Sony now for invites to buy from Sony Direct), I had to start picking up the games I'd been waiting on. First up* was the new Yuffie-centric DLC for Final Fantasy VII Remake.

I was prepared for the return to Midgar. I was not prepared for the Happy Turtle.

Let me explain.

The Happy Turtle is a bar. It's a chain of bars, more specifically, which as the name suggests are turtle-themed. As far as I can tell, at no point during this DLC do you go to this bar. But you WILL hear the advertising jingles for it all over town. Honestly, "jingle" is underselling it; they're really full-blown songs, of all sorts of styles.

And the music team fucking WENT FOR IT.

This compilation is great: it's got all the English and Japanese songs, ranging from EDM to golden oldies to shimmery pop and, because why the hell not, full-out heavy metal and more. Listen with me. Sing along. And find out just how great life can be...at the Happy Turtle.

🎶partypartypartypartyALLNIGHT!🎶

--

*Second up, technically, since I started with the one that was already there. Astro's Playroom, which comes preloaded on all PS5s, is ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL and you must play it. So cute. So cute, so cute, so cute.

[agent-washingtub343]

Halo Reach: A Brief Guide

Inspired by @a-daks​

Halo Reach can be rough, especially since its mechanics differ from other Halo games. So I’m here to help you all out. 

Why is my advice something you should listen to? I began my Halo journey by watching my siblings play; and when I was 6, I started playing and haven’t put down the controller since. I’ve played through all of the games so many times that I’ve lost track, so I’m here to impart some Halo wisdom.

Some general housekeeping as we get started:

Protip before playing: Beautify your Spartan, and revel in seeing yourself interact with the badass group known as Noble Team. Your customization will appear in every cutscene. Make yourself proud.

Mission difficulty: There are four difficulties in every Halo game. These never change.

Easy - I’d recommend this to new players, or people who struggle with first person shooters. Enemies are a lot easier to eliminate as you adapt to the game style.

Normal - Mild difficulty. Provides a worthy challenge for newer players who have learned the ropes.

Heroic - The experienced gamer’s challenge. Most Halo players will run Heroic as it’s a nice mix of difficulty without being mind-boggling annoying.

Legendary - The best difficulty. To quote my favorite description, “This is suicide”. Not for the faint of heart, and can be difficult even for the most experienced Halo player...unless you know how to speedrun, that is. 

Rule #1 of this game: Never ever let the A.I. drive the vehicles. I realize going on a joyride free from directional responsibility sounds enticing, but the A.I. can and will get you killed. They slow down right in front of combatants, or they drive off cliffs. Side note: Never let Kat drive.

Cover: Cover is your best friend if you struggle with aiming and taking down combatants quickly. As a newer player, this can be a game changer as not many realize how useful it can be.

There will be a mission in Halo Reach where you’re flying a ship - thankfully you can’t accidentally eject. If you’re under a lot of fire, tricks are your friend. Experiment with button combinations at the start to find out what works best.

Types of enemies:

Sangheili, also known as Elites: The N00b combo can be excellent when facing off against Elites. This combo includes a plasma pistol, and another weapon such as a pistol, DMR, or any other precision single-shot type weapon. The key is to charge up the plasma pistol, let a burst hit the Elite, then follow up with a headshot with the precision weapon. Fair warning: These boys like to slide, skip, and jump to the side. Keep in mind that added mobility, especially when you don’t have that same advantage. Also stay out of range if they’re wielding an Energy Sword - that’s a one hit kill.

Mgalekgolo, also known as Hunters: Shotguns, Sniper rifles, and any other weapon will come in handy. If you’re afraid of getting clobbered, longer range weapons are the way to go. If you use a shotgun, or favor melee like me, you’ll want to get good at jumping to the side when the hunter charges you, or tries to clock you. Aim for the back - it’s a bigger area. The neck is a smaller hitbox, but it’s still possible. On the other hand, if you have a Rocket Launcher, you can hit the hunter anywhere and it will die. Remember, this isn’t Halo CE, so the hunters move pretty slow.

Unggoy, also known as Grunts: Turn on The Grunt Birthday Party skull and listen to the joyful cheers of children as you headshot them. Headshots are always your friend. Avoid the rocket grunts though, and take them out from a distance because they will point blank you with a Fuel Rod Cannon.

Kig-Yar, also known as Jackals: Watch for snipers. We in the Halo community crack many a joke about the Jackals on Legendary, but sometimes people underestimate them in lower difficulties. Take them out with weapons or punches. Like Grunts, these guys aren’t that bad.

Yanme’e, also known as Buggers or Drones: These guys like to fly, but any precision/long range weapon will handle them easily. They’re annoying in swarms on higher difficulties.

Jiralhanae, also known as Brutes: Tougher than most. These bois can and will go ape shit...Literally. Keep your distance on higher difficulties because they’ll take down your shields and health in one go. If you shoot off their helmet, they will tend to full savage and start snarling and rushing at you (especially in Halo 2). They carry Gravity Hammers, which you’ll be lucky to survive if they point blank swing it into your face. Distance is your friend.

Other:

Vehicles: Most Covenant vehicles can be disabled by charging up a plasma pistol, firing the charged shot at them, then boarding to destroy them, or shooting at them, or throwing grenades. Pick your preference.

Abilities: There are different armor abilities that can be used.

Sprint is pretty simple, but unfortunately it has a stamina limit, which makes speed running difficult

Jet packs are typically slow to lift you in the air, so make sure to jump beforehand.

Armor Lock is useful when you’re about to be splattered by a ghost or hunter, or have several enemies shooting at you.

Drop Shield is also wonderful when you’re under fire from multiple directions, and allows you to pop in and out of the bubble to shoot at enemies. It will break when it’s under too much stress.

Active Camouflage provides you invisibility for a short duration. Useful for all your stealthy ninja needs.

Hologram - against experienced PvP players, it generally won’t fool them. Fortunately, Covenant A.I. aren’t that smart. Deploy to draw fire, then come around from the other side for best use.

Evade - I’ve never seen this one in Campaign, but it shows up in PvP game modes. Allows you to dodge away from fire and grenades.

Welcome to Reach, Spartans