#it started off with the joke of 'yeah this is griffins house' and then it devolved from there

[sergeantsporks]

Writing request: Cherry left in charge and shenanigans happens

“Cherry!” The newest grimwalker slammed his hands down on the kitchen counter. He was still going by ‘Hunter’ in general for now, but he ran through half a dozen new names a week, all taken from his books. Right now it was… Jason? Cherry was pretty sure it was Jason today. “Cherry, are Evelyn and Caleb going to leave each other?”

Cherry blinked at him slowly, swirling a mug of tea in his hands. “…what?”

Jason started to pace back and forth, arms folded behind his back. “I’ve been doing a lot of reading. Tales of heroes, epics. But also, tales of modern humans ‘coming of age’ and romances.”

“Okay?”

“Caleb and Evelyn—they’ve lost a child, neither of them have stable employment, they never leave home or go out together, and they’re currently dealing with a large stressor in their lives. Namely, Uncle and us.”

Cherry rested his elbows on the counter. Jason still used the stilted formality of golden guard language, and it could take him a while to get to the point. “Right.”

“They show all of the classic signs of a young protagonist’s parents that are on the verge of a divorce!”

“A what now?”

“A divorce! A separation! A split!”

“Oh.” Cherry scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t think you have to worry about them splitting. They love each other too much for that.”

“Still!” Jason tore off, returning seconds later with a notepad. “Often, parents’ divorces are stopped through the intervention of their children. Now, it might be presumptuous of me to call myself their child—”

“It’s not.”

“Nonetheless! I have taken careful notes on the various methods children use to push their parents back together, selecting only the most successful for us to use with the least risk.”

“Us?” Cherry echoed.

“Us. I can’t do it without you.” Jason gave him huge puppy-dog eyes. “I know you don’t think their marriage is in jeopardy, but it can’t hurt to strengthen their bond, can it? Just to be sure?”

Well, he couldn’t exactly say no to that face, now could he? Especially since Caleb had told him to watch out for the newest grimwalker. “What do you need?”

“To convince them to go on a date.”

Cherry coughed. “Sorry?”

“A date,” Jason repeated, “You’re the oldest, you’re the most responsible, surely if you promise to watch the house, they’ll be amicable to the idea.”

Cherry chuckled. “Yeah. Okay, sure. Sure. Would you like Sam’s help to engineer a perfect date, too? Throw some magic sparkles their way?”

“Hmmmm.”

“Joking. Joking, Jason.”

“I know that.” Jason stared at Chery while he drank his tea, fingers tapping on the counter aimlessly. “So…?”

“So…?” Cherry repeated.

“So are you going to?”

Cherry grinned. “Oh, you meant now?”

“Yes!” Jason came around the counter, pushing Cherry. He was miniscule compared to Cherry, and it might as well have been a griffin chick’s push for all it did in moving Cherry. “We—need—to—get—this done—why are you so big?!”

Cherry shifted to the side, and Jason lost balance, stumbling forward. “Ack!”

Cherry chuckled, reaching out towards him. “Uh—right. Permission to touch?”

Jason eyed him warily. “Granted.”

Cherry ruffled his hair. “Give me a second, I don’t want this to get cold.”

Jason spluttered, pushing his hand away. “What about their relationship? What if that goes cold?!”

Cherry drained the rest of his mug. “Alright, alright. I’m going.”

He found Caleb and Evelyn outside with Mole, examining a hole in the wire fencing around the garden. Mole knelt in the garden, cradling a broken cucumber plant in his hands.

“I just don’t understand how whatever it is got past the fence,” Evelyn murmured, “The enchantments are still holding.”

“Maybe it dug under?” Caleb suggested.

Mole sniffed, and Evelyn knelt next to him. “Aw, don’t worry, kiddo. I can fix it, look.” She drew a glowing green circle, and the plant perked up, new leaves sprouting from the broken stem. “There, see? Good as new.”

Cherry knocked on the wire caging. “Hey.”

Caleb moved to the fence. “Hey. What’s on your mind?”

“It’s about Jason.”

Caleb blinked, staring at him blankly, then circled one finger around in the air. “Oh! Oh, right, he said that was his name yesterday. He’s still with that one, then?”

“Hasn’t told me a new one.”

“Is he alright?”

“He’s mostly fine. Hey, when was the last time you went on a date with Mom?”

Caleb spluttered. “What?”

“A date. Courting her. Or her courting you. When was the last time you and she went out, just the two of you, for fun, none of us with you, not going out to get something for us?”

“Um…” Caleb scratched the back of his head. “A while. Definitely a while. Possibly years.”

“You should go on one. Just the two of you.” Cherry glanced behind him. Jason was (badly) hiding around the side of the house, his head poking around the corner to watch. “I can watch the house.”

Caleb followed his gaze to Jason, then back to Cherry’s face. “…So, what’s this have to do with Jason? I’m assuming that’s why you brought him up, right? This is his idea?”

“He’s convinced you and Mom are going to split.”

“What? Why?”

“I…” Cherry ran Jason’s explanation through his head, then shrugged. “It’s complicated. Anyway, he thinks that if the two of you don’t go on a date immediately, you’re going to split. And I don’t exactly think it’s the worst idea for you and Mom to take a break.”

Caleb turned to face Evelyn and Mole, leaning on the fence. “What do you think, love? Do you think you could bear a night out on the town with me for poor Jason’s peace of mind?”

She laced her fingers through the fence near his head. “Oh, it’ll be a sacrifice, to be sure, but one I’m willing to make. For Jason’s sake.”

Mole gagged.

Evelyn snickered, turning towards Cherry. “You’re sure you can handle this rowdy lot?”

Cherry almost snapped a salute, but turned it into an eyepatch adjustment at the last second. “Perfectly.”

“Alright, then. Date night it is.”

“Wait, like now? Tonight?”

“Sure. Why not? If you need a day, we can—”

“No,” Cherry interrupted, “It’s fine. Go. Have fun!”

Caleb and Evelyn headed towards the house, and Mole raised one eyebrow at Cherry, twisting the busted wire of the cage back together.

“What?”

Jason cannoned into Cherry, grabbing his arm. “You did it! See, I told you they’d listen to you!”

“Yeah, you did. Marriage saved. Are you going to help me run the house while they’re gone?”

Jason pulled back with a gasp, stars in his eyes. “Really?! You trust me?!”

Cherry’s nose crinkled. “More like it’s your fault I’m roped into this, so you’d better help.” He tousled Jason’s hair. “But yeah, because I trust you, too.”

Jason didn’t push his hand away this time. “I’m on it! Whatever you need!”

Caleb and Evelyn stood at the door, concealment stones in hand. “There’s soup on the stove,” Caleb told Cherry, “Frank’s cooking it for now, so you don’t have to worry about that, just make sure everyone eats. And make sure Mole comes in, I think he might be planning a stakeout of the cucumber patch. And—”

“He’s got it, sweetheart,” Evelyn teased, shoving Caleb’s shoulder, “They’ll be fine. Let’s go.”

She grabbed his hand and yanked him out the door, laughing at his startled splutter. Cherry closed the door. “Well. You ready?”

Jason snapped a salute. “Reporting for duty!”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Okay.” Jason bounced up and down in place. “What’s my first job?”

“Oh. Ummm, go see if you can get Sam’s head out of his glyphs long enough to eat, okay?”

“On it!” Jason bounded down the hallway in the wrong direction.

He’s certainly eager. But is that a good thing, or a sign that something’s wrong?

Jason ran back past him down the other side of the hallway. “Wrong way! Don’t worry! I’ve got it!”

A smile crept across Cherry’s face watching him go. Whichever it was, it was pretty funny to watch. Jason disappeared into Sam’s lab. Seconds later, Cherry heard a scuffling, and Jason backed out of the room, arms wrapped around Sam’s waist. Jason only came up to about Sam’s chest, but Sam was willowy, and Jason was able to wrap his arms all the way around him. He tugged, dragging Sam just a little farther out.

“You—can go—back—in—a second!”

Sam gripped the doorframe, struggling to get back into the lab. “NO! LET ME GO!”

“You need—to eat!”

“I’ll grow something with a glyph! Let go!”

Jason tugged again, successfully dislodging Sam from the door. The older grimwalker squawked like a startled bird, his long limbs flailing. Jason took advantage of his loss of balance to drag him down the hallway.

“Got him!” he remarked cheerfully when he passed Cherry.

Laughter bubbled up in Cherry’s throat, but he turned it into a cough. “Yep. You did. Good work.”

“Cherry!” Sam yowled, “Call him off!”

“No. Go eat. It’ll take less time than struggling and fighting the whole way.”

Cherry followed the two of them to the kitchen, blocking off Sam’s escape routes. Sam finally gave up fighting Jason, snatching a spoon and heading right towards the pot. Frank swung a long wooden spoon at him, batting his hand away. “Bowl,” he ordered.

“One bite doesn’t count,” Cherry warned, “Full meal, Sam.”

“Full meal, Sam,” Sam mimicked, “Hey, what’s going on outside?”

“Nice try.”

“No, I’m being serious, Lucy’s going nuts!”

Cherry ran to the window. Outside, Lucy was clawing at the garden cage, shrieking furiously. Mole crouched inside, holding a griffin chick in his arms.

Sam made a break for the hallway, but Cherry didn’t care what he was doing anymore. He slammed the door open, running towards the garden, Jason steps behind. Huge gusts of air from Lucy’s wings pushed him back, but he forced his way to the garden, holding onto the cage.

“MOLE!” he yelled over the sound of Lucy, “MOLE, LET THE GRIFFIN CHICK GO!”

Mole shook his head, holding the griffin tightly. He glared at the chick, but flinched when Lucy tore at the cage again, this time ripping through the wiring. She perched on top, snaking her head in through the hole she’d made and snapping at Mole. He backed away, carefully stepping over the plants. But he would not let the chick go.

“Mole! Just let it go!”

Jason caught up to him, grabbing his arm. His eyes darted over the scene. Mole, the chick, the torn fence, the broken vegetables, and Lucy. “Oh!” he gasped, “The griffin chick’s been eating the garden, and you caught it!”

Mole nodded, still glaring at the chick.

“Okay—well, Mama’s going to tear you apart if you don’t give her back her baby. It’s not worth it!”

Mole shook his head, flinching again when Lucy thrust her whole shoulders through the hole, twisting and biting at him.

“It’ll get you out of revenge,” Jason realized aloud, “You can’t let go!���

Mole nodded, tears sparking in his eyes.

“Get Joseph,” Cherry ordered, “He can help.”

Jason ran back towards the house, and Cherry climbed up onto the fence, reaching through the fence and wrapping his arms around Lucy’s thick neck. “C’mon,” he grunted, tugging her away, “He’s not gonna let go if you’re scaring him!”

Lucy shrieked again, pulling herself out of the fence and whipping around wildly. Cherry swung from her neck, yelping and grabbing on with his legs as well as his arms to keep from being flung off of the garden.

“Cherry!” Joseph ran parallel along the edge of the fence. “Cherry, you have to—Cherry, you’re agitating her!”

“She’s agitating me! Mole, go!”

Mole ran out the garden door, letting the chick go and making a break for the house. Lucy reared up, eying first her chick, then Mole.

“The chick,” Cherry murmured, leaning his weight towards it, “Go for your chick!”

Joseph squawked and squeaked, imitating baby griffin noises. “Come on,” he yelped. Another squeak. He picked up the griffin chick, but more gently than Mole had. The chick purred in his arms, snuggling in. Joseph backed up towards the coop, still imitating the baby griffin. Lucy swung towards him, her feathers smoothing down. She took a couple of steps forward, squawking gently in response to Joseph.

“Thaaaaaat’s it. C’mon, girl.”

Jason ran around in front. “Let go,” he whispered to Cherry, wrapping his arms around Cherry’s chest and walking backwards. “I’ve got you, let go!”

Cherry let go, and almost immediately, Jason fell under his weight. They tumbled to the ground, Cherry on top, and he curled over Jason as Lucy passed them. She delicately stepped over the two of them, then snaked her head around to blink at them.

“Awk?” she purred.

“Lucy,” Joseph said in a low warning voice, “Lucy, no. Not new chicks.”

Lucy tilted her head the other way, gingerly pawing Cherry off of Jason. He froze, but her sharp talons didn’t draw any blood.

“Lucy. No.”

Lucy snatched up the back of Jason’s shirt in her beak. He yelped, twisting around.

“No!” Joseph yelped, “Drop it, Lucy. Lucy! Jason, don’t struggle, she’ll think it’s funny.”

Cherry rolled out of the way of Lucy’s claws. She crouched, her tail wiggling in the air.

“No. Not a game. Lucy…”

Lucy leapt over Joseph’s head into the coop, still holding her prize. Cherry scrambled to his feet, chasing after the two of them. Lucy dropped Jason in her nest, sitting on top of him with a whump. Her rouge chick scampered past Cherry, wriggling in after Jason. Cherry approached, holding his hands up. “Easy… Easy… “

“Help,” Jason called from under the pile of fluff, his voice muffled. One hand stretched out, and Cherry grabbed it, tugging.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you—”

Joseph hissed in from the doorway. “Ohhhhhhh, Cherry, I wouldn’t—"

Lucy shifted uncomfortably at the movement, first one way then the other. She bucked and emitted an odd cackle, almost like a laugh, and just out of one corner of his good eye, Cherry saw her wing flaring out right towards him, moments before it smacked him in the head.

“I killed him. I killed Cherry! I should have just left it alone, I should have just—”

“Take a deep breath. He’s not dead. I promise he’s not dead.”

Cherry blinked up at the ceiling of his room. His head throbbed in time with his heartbeat, and everything smelled like a barnyard. “…Hrngh?”

“Cherry!” Jason grabbed his arm. “Are you okay?”

“…You got out…?”

“Yeah, Joseph threw a grub in the air and Lucy jumped for it. Mole’s okay, too, he got to the house in time, and I think Lucy forgot about him.”

Cherry closed his eye again. “…Ow… how bad is the fence damage?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Auric ordered, “You’ve got a bruise the size of my palm on your head, and I’m not ruling out a concussion. Joseph’s already on it.”

“I’m sorry,” Jason murmured, shifting back and forth, “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Eh. ‘s okay.” Cherry rubbed his eye. “What t—”

The sound of the front door swinging open made him jump up, heart pounding wildly in his chest. “Mom and Dad! How long was I…?”

He stumbled towards the door of his room and out into the hallway. The sky outside sparkled with stars, framing Caleb and Evelyn in the doorway.

“Have fun?”

Caleb hummed. “So much—what happened to your head?”

Cherry and Jason glanced at each other, Jason’s eyes brimming with worry. Cherry shrugged. “Oh. You know. Just normal in-charge things.”

Evelyn eyed him. “Really.”

“Yep. Oh, and the baby griffins are what’s been getting into the garden.” Cherry slung one arm around Jason. “Jason was a lot of help.”

Caleb beamed. “Really? That’s great!”

Jason squeezed Cherry back. “Yeah! Just… maybe don’t leave again in a hurry.”

“Deal.”

[sandwichhour-too]

We've found it.... The ladies' book club...

[griffintail]

Hey Griffin I love your work, your writing is amazing, and I was wondering if I could spare you an angsty request: Parental Tommy falls into deep grief after their child, Reader, goes into prison to tell Dream off for blowing up their home and hurting their father and Uncle Tubbo, and gets killed by Dream. Maybe how Wilbur and Schlatt react to Reader in the afterlife, and what Tommy does to try and get them back. (Inspired by this week's streams)

I went farther than with this than I planned to originally. Lol. Thank you and I hope you enjoy!

Quiet Uptown

Pairings: Parental! Tommy x Teenage F! Reader

Warnings: Death, Blood, Mentions of Violence, Angst!!, afterlife, swearing

A/N: (F/L) is first letter of your first name because that’s just a Tommy thing.

        Sam hesitated when (Y/N) had stepped into his prison that day.

        The young sixteen-year-old girl stood there; her eyes filled with determination as she waited for Sam to speak.

        “What are you doing here?” Sam asked, standing up. “Does Tommy know you’re here?”

        “No.” She answered truthfully. “He won’t realize I’m gone for maybe two hours. He wouldn’t ever let me near here but I want to give Dream a piece of my mind after everything he’s put my family through. Dad and I both own only one life after everything he’s one and I want to let him know how badly he lost.”

        “I…Don’t think this is wise. You’re just a kid.”

        “I’m more than a kid! Everyone seems to forget I fought for Pogtopia at the age of thirteen and lost a life for it. I went and helped dad every day in his exile when no one else would! Dream killed me for that bullshit and I refuse to let him think he has control over me and my family anymore.”

        Sam could see it was more than that. She wanted to know that Dream no longer held control over her and her family. Dream had taken everything from them. Their nation, their family members, their two spare lives, their friends. Now he was locked away after Tommy won and she needed to know he couldn’t control them anymore.

        “Alright. Well, I need you to read this carefully and sign it.” Sam slipped into his role as Warden.

        He walked (Y/N) through the clearance steps and lead her down through the prison.

        Dream was a broken man. Sam made sure his spirit was broken and the masked man had long since stopped trying to escape. The poor young girl needed closure.

        …Sam was overconfident in his abilities.

        “If you need anything, call for me,” Sam told her and she nodded.

        And she was let into the cell.

        The man of the hour was surprised by his visitor, picking himself off the floor as he grinned behind his mask.

        “Well, well, well. It’s little Innit.”

        “Shut up.” (Y/N) immediately said. “You’ll listen to me today.”

        Dream held up his hands, giving a laugh. “Alright. Let’s hear what you have to say.”

        (Y/N) looked around the small cell and was reminded of her father’s claustrophobia…that Dream caused.

        “It’s fitting for you to be in here. Trapped in a box. Your life thrown in a hole, waiting to be destroyed.” (Y/N) said. “You did a lot to my family Dream, you hurt them, you killed them. There are people out there that say you don’t deserve this but I know everything you’ve done. You’re going to rot in here forever if it’s the last thing I do.”

        “You’ve got a pretty big ego there.”

        “You’re one to talk! You took everything from us because you couldn’t handle that we took away even a bit of your power!” She took a deep breath to calm herself and Dream saw the Tommy in her. “You tried to kill Tubbo, you were going to used what everyone loved against them. You’re a psychopath and you can’t be let out.”

        “People can change though. I can change and get out.”

        “You’ll never change! You’re talking bullshit and I know! Dad knows it! Sam, Tubbo, Quackity! You’re just bullshit! You’re a green little bitch and you’ll never get out! You can’t hurt us anymore. We’re in control now and we’re free from you forever.” She told him, getting in his masked face without thinking.

        She never meant to go so far into the cell…Sam had asked her not to…

        Dream’s grin turned wicked, (Y/N) unable to see it but she felt something in the air change and she paled slightly as she took a step back towards the netherite barrier realizing how far she went.

        “I might not be able to hurt anyone…outside!”

        “SAM!” She screamed, bolting for the barrier…but Dream was faster…

        “DREAM! DON’T!!” Sam commanded as he tried to bring the lava down as fast as he could! …

        …

        “Come on Tubbo. You’re getting shit at this.” Tommy laughed as he knocked Tubbo’s wooden training sword out of his hand.

        “You’re such an arse.” Tubbo huffed, going over to get some water.

        Tommy grinned. He had missed this, just being to train with Tubbo for the hell of it. (Y/N) said she needed to do something Ranboo, so it felt like he was missing something during the training but he was glad to know she was able to go out in the world without him worrying. Dream wasn’t out there anymore.

        The taller man was practicing his swings when Tubbo heard both their walkies beep. Someone must be calling them. Tubbo picked up his walkie, going to answer but his eyes went wide as he saw why the walkie had beeped. He dropped it, taking a step back, making Tommy look over in confusion.

        “What’s wrong with you?” Tommy asked, going over to see what it was.

        “T-Tommy, don’t—” Tubbo started but Tommy had already picked up the walkie.

        Tommy entire world stopped as he stared at the words on the screen.

        (Y/N) was slain by Dream

        “This—This is a stupid fucking joke.” Tommy tried to say, looking at Tubbo.

        But Tubbo had both his hands over his mouth as he was already starting to cry.

        “She…He’s in prison!” He shouted as he went for his own walkie. “This is shit joke Tubbo!”

        He couldn’t breathe as his walkie displayed the same message. It felt like the world around him was getting smaller as he couldn’t think of anything but those five words.

        “It’s not true!” Tommy screamed before snatching up his gear.

        He ran out the door to find it raining. His trident came off his back and was soaring through the air after throwing it through the rain. There was no fucking way, she was with Ranboo! Dream was rotting in a cell! He made sure of it!

        His baby should be as safe as she could be!

        Mud splashed all over him as he landed in front of the prison complex, soaking wet but he felt so numb. He couldn’t feel anything. He didn’t care about anything else, he just wanted to know who was playing this cruel joke.

        “SAM!” Tommy stormed in.

        Sam clutched the figure to him as he made his way past the empty prison cells hearing Tommy’s voice.

        He failed…

        This was all his fault…

        Sam stared at the last door where Tommy shouted his name again before taking a deep breath and opening it.

        Tommy snapped his head over and his entire world collapsed as Sam held the bloody figure in his arms. Their blood was coating Sam’s armor along with their own clothes.

        “No, no…NO! NO!!” Tommy shouted as he gripped his head taking a step back.

        That couldn’t be her, it just couldn’t be! She shouldn’t be here! She wasn’t here! It was all a…a dream…a nightmare!

        “Tommy.” Sam let out a heartbroken voice.

        Tommy looked up and looked to her neck. The (F/C) bandana was undeniable…

        Taking a shaky step forward, Tommy took the girl from Sam before collapsing to the ground, sobbing when he saw what Dream had done to her. He rocked, back and forth as he held her close.

        “Please…please little (F/L)…come back to me. I’m here now.” Tommy choked out his words as he stared down at the bloody girl. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. Please come back (Y/N).”

        He put his forehead on hers as his tears stained her face.

        He let out a heartbroken scream!

        And it echoed all throughout the prison, making Dream’s maniacal laughter continue in his cell.

        …

        “Who’s this?” A voice asked.

        (Y/N) groaned at the feeling of a pounding headache before looking up.

        “(Y/N), I didn’t expect to see you here first.” She heard a much more familiar voice.

        She looked up seeing her Uncle Wilbur grinning at her.

        “W-Wilbur?”

        “Ayup.” He chuckled. “Nice to see you again kid.”

        “Where…Where…” She looked around at the darkness, startling when she saw the familiar ram man and scooted away. “Schlatt.”

        “Hey, brat. Nice to see you again.” He grinned. “Welcome to the afterlife.”

        “I’m…I died?” Her breathing picked up.

        Her head started to hurt and she gripped onto it as she remembered. The blood…the pain…daddy save me!

        She startled feeling a hand on her shoulder, seeing it was Schlatt as Wilbur stood there with his hands in his coat.

        “Yeah, it’s going to be pretty hard.” Wilbur shrugged. “We’ll…show you around.”

        Wilbur laughed as Schlatt rolled his eyes.

        “Come on brat.” He offered her a hand. “We’ll explain it all to you.”

        …

        Tubbo was waiting at Tommy’s base, his own heart shattering seeing his best friend sniffling as he wiped away his tears while covered in blood.

        “No.” Tubbo breathed.

        Tommy couldn’t think at the moment. The world seemed unreal. He couldn’t feel the rain hitting his body or the cold starting to set into him.

        “My little girl’s gone Tubbo.” He muttered.

        “I’m so sorry Tommy. What…what happened?” Tubbo asked.

        “I-I don’t know. I just…” Tommy put his hands through his hair, his breaths coming out short. “(Y/N)—She…Holy shit…My poor little (F/L)…”

        Tubbo came over putting his hands on Tommy’s shoulders. “Breathe Tommy.”

        “How?! My—She’s gotten! Beaten and blooded! She must have been terrified and I—I wasn’t there Tubbo!” Tommy shouted putting his hands over his face.

        “…What are you going to do?” Tubbo asked.

        Tommy rubbed his hands over his face. “I can’t think, I need…I need the night to get anything in me…”

        “Yeah, ok. I’ll stay.”

        “No, I…I really need some time alone right now,” Tommy told him.

        “…Ok. I’ll get a room at the hotel so I’ll be close by, ok?”

        “Yeah, alright,” Tommy muttered before pushing past into his house.

        Tubbo let tears roll down his cheeks before he looked at the prison, marching himself over.

        Tommy stood inside the house and…it felt so small and so quiet. He laughed bitterly to himself. Finally, it being quiet uptown made so much sense to him. Everything felt so dull and silent.

        Slowly, he went into his ender chest and pulled out his first disc. He stared down at it as he remembered finding (Y/N) after he found this disc. He ran a thumb over it as he remembered every time, he fought Dream for it till the final battle. He went to the bedroom, staring at the made bed across the room.

        He went to the jukebox and put the disc in as he sat on his bed staring at the empty one. His body broke down again as he cried into his hands.

        “If I had just kept the memories and you instead of this stupid disc you’d still be here!” He shouted to air. “I’m so sorry (Y/N)…I’m so sorry…”

        At the prison, Tubbo stormed in with a trident in hand.

        “What the hell happened?!” Tubbo demanded, Sam, sitting on his desk trying to process his own thoughts.

        “I was too late…” Sam muttered.

        “That answers nothing. What happened?!”

        “…She wanted to see Dream. She wanted closure after everything you’ve guys have been through…she was just a kid…and…”

        “Yeah, she was a kid, so why did you let her in?!”

        “Because she looked so broken. She wanted to see Dream couldn’t hurt her anymore. I-I-I thought I got the strength out of him! Then…she screamed for help…I tried to get in as fast as I could…he just laughed when I came in…”

        “…You shouldn’t have let her in.”

        Sam hung his low, knowing he was right.

        …

        (Y/N) sat watching the two men play solitaire.

        “Why’d you even go and see Dream?” Wilbur asked as he laid down an eight of spades on a nine of hearts.

        (Y/N) felt her throat tighten, it always making her feel weird when she did it past few days as she didn’t need to exactly breath.

        “I was having nightmares, Dream getting out and sit. I just…needed to see he was away, unable to hurt me.”

        Wilbur snorted and Schlatt punched him.

        “Shut the hell up man,” Schlatt told him.

        “Well, it obviously didn’t help, she’s here.” Wilbur rolled his eyes as Schlatt put down a five of diamonds. “And no punching, that’s round five.”

        (Y/N) breathing picked up and Schlatt huffed, throwing his cards down.

        “We’re not going to finish?” Wilbur questioned.

        “No, you’re driving us both nuts. Let’s go kid.” Schlatt hoisted her up and away, surprising her as that was the first time, he didn’t call her brat.

        (Y/N) glanced back seeing Wilbur continuing to play his game without them. She remembered Wilbur being insane before in Pogtopia. This was a whole new level.

        “We’ve been here for years,” Schlatt spoke, making her look at him. “He was nuts before; he’s even more fucked up now. I’m still more me because I’d rather sleep through this shit. You know the phrase I’ll sleep when I’m dead? That’s what I’m doing.” He grinned at his own joke.

        She snorted quietly, as she looked at her hands. “I just want to see my dad so bad…I lied to him as my last thing and…I miss him.”

        “I know kid. It’s hard for us to get down there though. I don’t even know how fuck face managed it.”

        “…Do you think he’s mad at me?” She asked.

        “No, I remember that stupid kid. If anything, someone probably had to hold him back, foaming at the mouth, from killing Dream himself with his bare hands. He wouldn’t be mad at you.”

        She smiled softly. She wished this had been president Schlatt and maybe everything would have been better. But Wilbur was right, L’Manberg needed to go, it corrupted everyone.

        …

        “Tommy,” Sam said as they stood in front of the lava wall.

        Four days had passed. Tommy had a funeral for his little girl and there had been gifts and tributes for her, but nothing made it, her. He felt like he was suffocating constantly and he couldn’t take it anymore. She had no ghost so Phil’s research would give him no help. But…there was one other thing.

        “You know what he’s going to ask for,” Sam spoke the obvious.

        “I know. He’s not going to get it.” Tommy said, his voice dead.

        Sam gripped the lever that would bring down the lava wall. “He hasn’t eaten in two days, he’ll be weak.”

        “Good. Now let me in.” Tommy stepped forward.

        Sam hesitated before pulling the lever. After a few minutes, Tommy was standing behind the netherite barrier. Dream grinned, his mask off as he stood up, holding his hands out.

        “The man of the hour! I’ve been waiting for you!” Dream laughed.

        The barrier dropped and Tommy walked in.

        “Bring her back.” Tommy simply stated.

        “Can’t without the book, you know what I’m going to need.”

        Tommy nodded, walking forward before hitting Dream with surprising force that sent him to the ground.

        “We’re…going to have a nice long chat,” Tommy told the surprised man in a monotone voice. “And it’s going to end with where you put that book or how to get my little girl back. So, let’s talk bitch.”

        Tommy would get her back. He wouldn’t let this be the end.

[xiaoyunenigma]

Tainted minds! (Chase X Charlie)

A/N: I-I when I- when you-when um-

😂😂😩Okay jokes aside, this is something I wanted to do for like a long time ahshwgssg 👀👀it's Halloween and therefore I get to do something Halloweeny... I think.

Idk, I'm trying here!! 😩😭😔👌

As always, this is suggestive so....read with caution?

Pfft, who needs to be careful? I'm a degenerate! 😔✋✨We can simp who we like hahahahah(or in this case, simp a ship?)

Enjoy this wacky fanfic! It's a long chapter, so I will just post it on Tumblr but I'll have a link sent on Twitter and Instagram too❤️✨

Ps: A crossover between TFP and RB, just saying ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)✨❤️

___

"This is gonna be the BEST WEEK EVER!!" Miko yelled, hopping out of Bulkhead's cabin with glee.

Apparently, team Prime had paid a surprise visit to Griffin Rock for Halloween.

"MIKO, WAIT UP!" Jack shouted. "C-Come help us with the stuff, damn it!" he huffed, carrying stacks of boxes in his hands.

"Whoa, I can't believe we've spending the whole week on an island in a spur..." Raf trailed off, doing a 360 to look around his surroundings.

"And it's going to be the noblest week of your life!" Cody chipped in, waving at the spectacled boy. "Hey Raf! So glad to finally be able to see you in real life! Talking on the phone was cool but seeing you in person is sooo awesome!"

"The feeling's mutual buddy!" Raf giggled, high-fiving the blond kid. The team was outside of the firehouse, unpacking stuff from Bulkhead and Bumblebee's trunk.

"It's an honour to spend the week with you, sir." Heatwave said, saluting the Prime.

Optimus gave him a curt nod, replying the same gesture. "The honour is mine. Please, do not feel obliged to be so stern, we are here for a...holiday." The red and blue bot said, though his voice held a tiny tint of edge at the end.

"AND why, EXACTLY, am I here again?" Ratchet grumbled, taking a lazy stretch as he transformed into biped mode. "Ugh, my pistons are getting rusty." he grumbled, scratching the side of his faceplate.

"Come on Ratchy, enjoy the week with us!" Miko giggled, bounding into the house. "Hi Dani! Hey Graham! Hello Kade!" the girl stop and turned around, looking for the two remaining Burns.

"Looking for someone?" Chase offered, helping the girl by picking a box off from her hands. The mech had his holoform turned on for the occasion.

"Yeah! Where's Mr. Burns?" the Japanese girl chirped, scanning the place for the police officer.

"Worry not, he is preparing dinner in the kitchen." The dark-haired male replied, pointing a finger towards the cooking area.

"Woah, woah woah! We've got company? Since when?!" Kade spoke up in surprise.

"Since three days ago. God, keep up brother!" Dani sassed, rolling her eyes at her older brother. "They are spending a week with us. If anything, you should be happy!" she added, sending a wink at the trio humans.

"Yeah. Joy." Ratchet and Kade huffed in unison, only to stare at one another with raised eyebrows /optic ridges.

Shaking their heads, the team swiftly unpacked and settled down, getting ready for the night.

---

TIMESKIP: LATE NIGHT.

"LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!" Bulkhead cheered, fist bumping with Boulders. The Cybertronians had set up a table around them and filled with Energon cubes, enjoying the moment together.

The Burns' kids had gone off with the trio of team Prime for trick or treating, leaving Chief the only human left at base.

"Charlie, are you not going to join your kids this year?" Optimus kindly asked and tipped the cube into his dermas, drinking the fluid slowly.

The grey-haired man sighed and shook his head, offering a weak smile to the Prime. "Not this time. I'm...getting old; walking around the whole island would wear me out in no time." he chuckled.

"Understandable." The Autobot leader replied.

"Holy scrap! You've brought high grade!?" Heatwave gasped, picking up the darker coloured cubes in awe. "HELL YEAH! I MISSED THESE!"

"I saved them for this very occasion...and when Miko is being too damn noisy." Ratchet smirked before clinking it with the firetruck. "Cheers." he said and chugged the high density fuel down before letting out a satisfying groan.

"Just like good 'ol days!" Heatwave laughed and downed the drink, savouring the moment.

Looking at the medic, the Rescue Bot leader had a idea popped into his processor.

"I know that look." Ratchet said, turquoise optics shining. "And I like it." the medic grinned with mischief, holding up another cube ready.

"First mech drunk is a loser." Heatwave dared, staring back at the orange and white mech playfully.

"Get ready to lose, kid." Ratchet barked out a laugh and they both started chugging, enciting cheers from the back.

"Come on Heatwave!" Blades cheered, handing him another cube to hasten the process.

:Don't lose to him now, Ratchet!: Bumblebee said, also mimicking the helicopter movements.

The Prime and Charlie merely sighed at the scene, unable to comment anything else.

" Hey Chase, care to have a drinking session with a femme?" Arcee challenged, displaying a heap of Cybertronian alcohol before the police bot.

"I rather not-"

"Scared to lose to a gal?" The two-wheeler pressed on, flashing the mech a dirty grin. "It's okay, I understand. Mechs have pride, after all." she stated innocently and drank a cube in one go, all the while maintaining optic contact with the blue and white bot.

Clicking his glossa, Chase was baited into the dare.

"I'll prove you wrong then." he growled and started drinking, finishing one cube in a flash and took another with a fluid motion.

The two blue bots fought ferociously, slamming their empty cubes down again and again as they glared at each other.

After 25 cubes in, the two Autobots started to feel the pinch of high grade setting in but they showed no signs of stopping.

"S-Should we do something?" Chief whispered into Optimus's audials.

"I am...unclear too. Perhaps it would be wise to put a hold on them..." Optimus muttered and raised his servos up, ready to break them apart, when Arcee caved in first. She dropped to the table with a thud, mumbling incoherent words before powering down.

"Ding! Ding! The winner is Chase!" Blades announced, raising the intoxicated police boy's servo. Another thud resonated the base and the yellow bot turned behind to see his leader and the medic both on the table, grunting out random words.

"Guh... Ima-i-ima-im-Guhh.." Heatwave babbled, waving his servos in the air before slumping down onto the surface.

"Opimuss...ima...I'm da...besh..."Ratchet bobbed his helm for a moment before colliding down the table too, unable to carry on the challenged and settled a tie with Heatwave.

"Aww! I was rooting for Heatwave!" Blades said, helping the drunk firetruck up. "Come on Heatwave, let's get you to bed."

Excusing himself, the Prime stood up and supported his old friend on his arms, carrying the knocked out mech to their recharging area. Turning back to the small human, Optimus nodded at the Chief.

"I guess that concludes our night. Goodnight, Chief Burns." he said and walked away with a sleeping Ratchet on his arms.

Boulders and Bulkhead were long drunk and had already nested at a corner, laughing at random things.

Bumblebee glanced around to see the party had dispersed and excused himself too, waving at Charlie before chasing after his leader.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Charlie...." Chase suddenly mumbled out, fuzzy optics searching the familiar partner of his.

"I'm right here, buddy." Chief sighed, waving at the intoxicated mech.

Chase growled before transforming into his vehicle mode, surprising the old man. Stepping out of the car was a VERY DRUNK black-haired man whose eyes were trained onto the innocent Charlie.

"Chase?" the Chief asked tentatively. Said man smirked before lazily sauntered towards the officer and tugged him close, embracing the man with sudden ferocity.

"How did I do?" Chase purred into the old Burns's ears.

"C-Chase, you're drunk!" Charlie sputtered, blushing bright blue as he tried to wiggle away from the mech's grip, but to no avail.

"No, no, no. I cannot allow you to run away~"Chase slurred, chuckling deeply as his eyes glowed a dangerous hue. "Are you not proud of me, Charlie? Daddy won the game for you." he grinned with malice and tightened his arms around the smaller man.

" C-Chase-!"

"Answer. Me." Chase became serious, unwilling to let go of his partner until he got a satisfying response.

Chief gulped before nodding hesitantly, afraid of further angering the mech.

"Good~" Chase smiled lop-sidedly before lifting Chief up, yet again surprising the man with his unpredictable moves.

"U-Uh-Chase?!" Chief said, butterflies making a mess in his stomach. "W-Where-What are you doing?" he managed to ask.

"Why, I'm taking US to bed of course!" Chase's voice went down an octave as he started walking up to human quarters.

"Don't you think I DESERVE a treat, sir? After all, I've won the game for you~" the drunken mech's statement sent Charlie into another fit of blushing as the man tried to free away from Chase.

Alas, Charlie Burns's effort were useless as he was brought into his room. Locking it close, Chase's smirked sent shivers down his back and the man prayed that he was still able to feel his back when sunrise tomorrow.

"My, how I love to see you crumble in my servos. It is a delightful sight to have you squirm in my hold, Chief~"

[bbyboybrock--archived]

Birthday Surprise (Colby Brock Imagine)

Summary: *REQUEST* If you’re doing request I had this idea because my birthday is literally a few days before jakes. What if the reader is dating colby and he and Tara teamed up to do a joint party for reader and jake 🥺 and like there could be a video message thing like how sam and Tara did it for colby and then how she did it for jakes

Written: 2020

Word Count: 1,730

Warnings: swearing, minor fluff

Masterlist

I let the sun hit my masked face. Not to sound too dramatic, but I forgot how it felt to have the sun on my face and be outside of the house. To have my hair blown by the wind, with whatever little windy moments there are in Los Angeles. I missed this, and if this the only thing I get for my birthday, I’ll be okay with that. Colby already has done more than enough for me. Maybe he feels bad that we got to celebrate his birthday the traditional way before the world shut down. But he woke me up early this morning to head to the beach to watch the sunrise and have breakfast. Now we’re in the Descanso Gardens, walking around and taking in the sights. I think he went out of his way to find things to do that wouldn’t be too crowded. I think he mentioned that we were going to get lunch here later.

“Look, babe, a deer!” Colby whispers excitedly.

I follow Colby’s finger to where a baby deer is trying to eat. I pull my phone out to take a picture. Colby’s been taking photos and videos all day. He’s probably clogging everything to kill two birds with one stone: he’ll have a video for Friday and a cute video for us to look back to.

“This is the best birthday ever. Thank you, Colbs.” I kiss Colby, through our masks, and continue our walk.

“Well, the birthday surprises aren’t done yet. I haven’t even given you your present yet. “

“You don’t have to give me anything else. Just being able to get out of the house for the day and do what we used to normally do, even just once, is enough. I think if I stayed inside the confines of our place I think I would have lost my shit.” I joke.

“Yeah, you’re my girlfriend and it’s your twenty-second birthday, I have to spoil you. You spoiled me for my birthday, it’s only fair. Even if we can’t do much right now. Now let me spoil you, damn it!” Colby tugs my arm to pull me deeper into the gardens.

****

“The chaos twins are back together,” Colby says when he sees Jake and Tara walking towards us. That’s our whole friend group's nickname for Jake and me.

We’re not literal twins, but we may as well be, we share the same birthday. Plus, whenever we’re together, we caused a whole lot of chaos. One time we played a game of pool volleyball so intensely that we broke a window and set the ball on fire. Needless to say, we’re no longer allowed to hang out together unsupervised.

“Happy birthday Jake, what did you do?” I ask as I hug Jake.

“Hey, happy birthday! We went to breakfast, and then lunch on the beach! What did you two do?” Jake patted my head and ruffled my hair.

“We went to the beach too! Except, we went this morning and watched the sunrise and ate breakfast. And then Colby took me to Descanso Gardens and we explored and had lunch there. And now we’re home for what I assume is the cake? Colby hasn’t told me a single thing about today. He just dragged me places.” I turn back to my boyfriend who is talking to Tara secretly.

“Tara has been dragging me places too! Something smells sus. It smells fishy.”

“Psh, and they call us the chaos twins. Look at them, plotting behind our backs. Keeping us separated for most of the day. They couldn’t handle the double birthday chaotic energy.”

“Are you two ready to go inside yet?” Colby says, clapping his hands like he’s a teacher ready trying to get our attention.

“This bitch…” I gasp. I watch my boyfriend in disbelief. The audacity he has to rush me like I was the one to make us stand outside.

Jake tugs me away from Colby and Tara because he could sense the amount of whoop-ass that I was about to unleash. He pulls me the front door. As Jake starts to open the door, I’m taken aback by the chorus of “surprise” that comes through the door. I step back out of fear and bump into Colby, who must have known that I would get scared and came behind me just in case.

“Happy birthday, Jake!” Someone says from inside.

“Where’s Y/N? I thought she was with you two.” Someone else says.

I poke my head in to see all of our friends standing in our house, waiting for a party. I know that our friend group is known for throwing surprise parties for our birthdays, but with the pandemic going on, I honestly just expected the roommates and maybe Kat, because she’s dating Sam, to be at the house. But this is better. Our group has taken quarantine seriously. Even with the partial lift, the only time we’ve gotten together was for working on stuff like the goof juice music videos and other stuff. We haven’t hung out in a group like this in a while. To see the whole group, minus Mike because things are still weird with him, Xepher, and Griffin, warms my heart.

“I’m right here, I was just… surprised.” I walk inside to see some people who I haven’t hung out with in a while. I spot Jake in the corner of my eye wearing a red feather boa and red party hat. Devyn walks towards me with a yellow boa and yellow hat. I put them on and start to greet everyone at the party. I stop for a second and Colby in the room and run to him.

“Thank you for this, I know you hate planning things.” I wrap my hands around him and bury my head in his chest.

“For you, I’d chase the sun. I’m just glad you’re having a good birthday. You’re having a good birthday, right?” Colby moves the party hat so he can rest his chin on my head. He wraps his arms around me, the camera in his hand slightly presses into my back.

“I’m having the best birthday. I love you, Colby.” I push my head up and give him a quick kiss.

“I love you too, Y/N. Now go enjoy your party. And please, can you and Jake not start a fire or something. We haven’t lived here for a year yet.” Colby smacks my butt to send me off.

Throughout the party, I noticed both Tara and Colby walking around and talking to people with their cameras. They’re both vlogging, the party, I guess. That might not be the best idea because of the pandemic, but maybe they know what they’re doing. Jake and I have both been yelled at if we got too close to them while they were filming.

Kevin started a game of beer pong. Jake and I teamed up and went against Kevin and Reggie. Everything was pretty chill until we started the game. Before, everyone was spread out of the house, but now, they’re watching Jake and I win. I throw the last ball perfectly into Kevin’s cup and high five Jake. I only win if I’m playing for fun, if it’s a competition and there is a prize, I fail.

“Everyone in the kitchen!” Colby yells. We make our way to the kitchen where Colby and Tara are standing with cakes. Tara is holding a bundt cake with vertical lines of white frosting and red “22” candles. Colby is holding a small chocolate cake with yellow “22” candles.

“Happy birthday to you…” Everyone starts singing as Jake and I get closer to our cakes. I stare more at Colby, who is smiling so hard that you can’t see his eyes. I like it when he smiles like that. He doesn’t do it often because he hates how he looks, but I love it.

“Make a wish, guys!” Tara says when the song ends.

I close my eyes and make three wishes. First, I wished for infinite days with Colby like we had today. Then I wished for the pandemic to be over so I could spend more time with my friends like before. And finally, I wished for more crinkly eyed Colby smiles. I open my eyes and blow out the candles.

“That was a long-ass wish!” Someone shouted.

“That’s because I wished for me and my homies!” Jake explained. Everyone cheered and started getting in line for cake. Jake and I cut our own pieces and wait off to the side for everyone else. I watch Colby grab a piece of cake and walk towards me.

“Hey, wanna go sit outside for a bit?” He asks. With my mouth full of cake, I nod and take his hand.

Colby takes us to the backyard and sits by the pool. Everyone is still inside, eating. I don’t think they realized that we left yet. I take off my shoes and put my feet into the water. The cool water feels soothing.

“Okay, I’m giving you your birthday present now. But, I don’t want you to freak out over one of them.” Colby says as he pulls something out of his pocket.

“I won’t, but I already told you that you don’t have to get me anything.” I set my cake aside and fully face Colby.

“Shut up about that already. I wanted to get you something so I did. Here,” Colby takes my hand and places two small boxes in it.

I open the first box and it’s one of those “my intent” bracelets, like his, but mine says “creative chaos” on it. In the other box is a skull pinky ring, also like his.

“Since you like stealing my jewelry while I’m wearing it, so I got you your own. Now we can match.” Colby says softly. He might be getting embarrassed by his mushiness. I quickly pull them out of the box and put them on.

“I love this. Thank you. This truly has been the best birthday. I love you, Colbs.” I kiss Colby on the cheek and place my head on his shoulder.

“I love you too, Y/N.” Colby gently grabs my chin and lifts my head up. He looks me in the eyes for a second and smiles, really smiles, and leans in.

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

lip synch your way into my heart pt. 3

Part One // Part Two

(listen, I’m not holding pt. 4 hostage or anything, but please leave me some comments or fun tags on this one? that’d be really cool of you)

---

Jaskier wraps his hands tightly around the warm paper cup he’s clutching between them and feels his face go hot yet again. Geralt thinks the younger man’s blush the cutest thing he’s ever fucking seen, so he’s continued to shower Jaskier in compliments to turn him pink over and over. At last Jaskier works up the courage to ask: “So how’d you manage to get so popular, anyway? What’s the secret to becoming an influencer?” 

“Looks, probably,” Geralt shrugs. He takes a sip of his cappuccino and makes steady, gentle eye contact with Jaskier. “I started making Tik Oks with my friend Yennefer as a kind of goofy joke but then I just sort of...gained a following? She always tells me it’s because of my cool hair and, uh, rockin’ bod.” 

“Ah, you’re accidentally famous,” Jaskier smiles against the rim of his cider. It’s early fall and Jaskier lives for warm cider; he drinks it at every available opportunity. Warm and sweet? Those are two of the best adjectives in the world! And, he’s learning, they also apply to Mr. White Hair himself. 

“What’re you studying?” Geralt asks. Jaskier hears the honest curiosity behind the words and marvels again that this Adonis of a man has deigned to give him the time of day, much less take him to a bougie coffee shop and pay for both of their drinks and croissants.

“I’m nearly finished with a degree in Music Theory right now, with a minor in applied psychology.”

“Can you even get a minor in applied psych?” Geralt laughs. “It took me forever to get a minor in monstrosity-based biomed added to the college roster. Although technically I have a bachelor’s in applied veterinary studies, I really wanted to go into monster research and work with the big boys in the field. Like kikimoras and maybe even some griffins. An archgriffin if I’m lucky enough to get accepted to the breeding and rehabilitation program at the University of Aedirn.”

Jaskier’s expression is screaming shock and awe and it fills Geralt with pride. Or it does, until Jaskier asks: “You have a degree?”

Geralt purses his lips and takes another slow sip of coffee. “Should I...not?”

“No, it’s just that I-” Jaskier cuts himself off by biting his lip. Geralt’s amber eyes lock onto the spot where Jaskier’s teeth have the gentle pink skin held captive and he swallows audibly. Jaskier, still worried that he’s somehow offended the influencer, is blissfully unaware of what he’s doing to Geralt. “You’ve got to be making some kind of money off this whole thing, so I didn’t think you’d need a degree. It was silly of me to assume you didn’t and I’m sorry for putting my whole foot directly in my mouth so early on in our date.”

“It’s fine, Jask. It’s not like you already know my personal history or anything; actually I was almost finished with school when the likes and follows really started pouring in.”

“That’s...cool?”

“Yeah, it’s been interesting,” Geralt chuckles. “I’ve been chased down for selfies a handful of times now and it’s really uncomfortable. How am I supposed to just live my day to day life when every other intern at my research facility wants a selfie for their Tumblr or whatever?”

“Wow. I’m glad I’m not internet famous.”

“Not yet.”

“Huh?” Jaskier asks, glancing up from his drink again. 

“Oh I just…” Geralt trails off into thoughtful silence, a habit that Jaskier has very quickly picked up on, and taps his fingers against the table for a moment. “I wondered if you’d want to go on another date?”

“I’d love to!” Jaskier answers a little too quickly. Then his eyebrows furrow in confusion, “What does our second date have to do with not being famous yet, Geralt?” 

“If we end up getting more serious,” the influencer mutters, barely audible, “I thought it might be cool to make some videos together. Or something. You totally don’t have to do that if you don’t want to, though.”

Jaskier’s pretty blue eyes go wide and shocked and terrified. Geralt’s heart drops into his shoes before he hears the whispered, “But why me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean...why me? There are prettier, smarter, more creative boys out there. And girls, I guess. They could get you way more likes and views than I ever could.”

Geralt's hand darts out before he can stop it, grasping onto Jaskier’s wrist gently but firmly. The younger boy could break his hold easily with one slight movement to the side, but he doesn’t. Not yet. He wants to hear what Geralt has to say. “You’re not a prop, Jaskier. I didn’t ask you out in the dumbest, most elaborate way I could think of just because I wanted more views. I didn’t spend two hours browsing through every one of your comments until I found ‘this one is my favorite’, so I could re-create it just for you. I did those things because I just...like you?”

Jaskier goes totally red this time and Geralt is elated. Then the younger man giggles nervously and makes eye contact again, “I have the right kind of vibe?”

“Yeah,” Geralt smiles. The tension that had gathered in the air between t hem dissipates, “You have exactly the kind of vibes I’ve been looking for. We’re vibemates.”

“Oh my god they were vibemates,” Jaskier jokes and they both laugh. 

“So, what’s your favorite color?” Geralt asks, and the conversation really takes off from there.

---

Geralt drives Jaskier home a little after midnight and walks him to the front door of his apartment. “I don’t think I’m ready for a goodnight kiss yet,” the brunette admits. Geralt takes one of his hands instead, brushing his lips against the back of Jaskier’s knuckles with a quiet sort of reverence. Jaskier’s eyes stay locked with the influencer’s until his hand is gently returned to his side and the older man winks. 

“See you soon?”

“Yeah. Text me whenever.”

“Cool. Goodnight, Jaskier.”

“Goodnight, Geralt. Please drive safe, and let me know when you get home?”

Geralt’s heart launches into his throat and his chest floods with happy warmth. Jaskier cares. “I will.”

---

On the relatively short drive home, Geralt thanks every deity imaginable for closing the more convenient Party City near his house for good; otherwise he’d have never met the man he hopes to make his boyfriend.

He thinks about his next Tik Tok; it’s got to be perfect. It has to be a public declaration of his feelings; Jaskier had expounded upon the romance of PDA for several long minutes during their date and Geralt wasn’t afraid of showing his cute new love interest off.

“What kind of song should I use, though?” he asks the empty air. No one replies, of course, and Geralt drives the rest of the way home in silence. 

He remembers to text Jaskier goodnight and receives a heart emoji in reply.

Oh yeah, the influencer thinks to himself, I’m well and truly fucked.

[im-in-love-with-pizza-bites]

Hometown

Sebastian Stan x Fem!Reader

Warnings: small age gap (8 years, your 30 he's 38), Swearing

Summary: The reader brings her Boyfriend Sebastian to visit her family for Thanksgiving

Town name and your family's names are made up btw.

Part 2

A/n: Hi y'all Happy Thanksgiving!

You were practically bouncing off the walls in excitement when you woke up this morning. It was the day before Thanksgiving and you were bringing your Boyfriend, Sebastian Stan to visit your family with you, you had moved out of your small town where your family lives when you were 18 because you wanted to follow your dream of being a actress which you succeeded in after starting in a movie with Chris Evans two years ago. At a party Chris had invited you to he introduced you and Sebastian. Currently you were dragging Sebastian through the gate excited to see your family.. "Babe my brothers are waiting come on!" You said. He shook his head jogging to keep up with you.

"Dragoste they aren't gonna leave us here slow down!"

"You don't know that hurry up!" You said. This would be the first time in almost a year you saw your older brothers and to say your excited would be an understatement. You hadn't seen them since the Christmas. You are also excited to meet your youngest niece who was born a few months prior to thanksgiving. You made it out of the gate and looked around spotting the four men, three of them were sitting down a baby stroller sitting next to them, the fourth man stood beside them. "There they are!" You exclaimed letting go of your boyfriends hand and began running to the men. "Matty!" You tackled the man that was standing.

"Jeez!!" He exclaimed falling, the others looked at you shaking their head at you. "Hi baby sis."

"Hi!" You stood up giving hugs to the other three men as Sebastian made it over. "Sebastian these are my brothers, Matt, Jon, Mike, and Justin. Boys this is my boyfriend, Sebastian." You introduced. Your brothers stood up straight giving Sebastian a intimidating look. He would be lying if he said he wasn't worried to meet your older brothers. He was under the impression that they were stereotypical over protective brothers. He knows you are their only sister and the youngest of the five of you. Matthew being the oldest at thirty-seven, Jonathan is thirty-six, Mike is thirty-five, and Justin is thirty four, and you are thirty.

"Hello." Sebastian said shifting on his feet nervously before your brothers broke into smiles.

"Hey Man. Welcome to the family!" Matt said pulling him in a hug. You shook your head laughing as your brothers hugged him and welcomed him to the family. He is the first guy you've brought home since you moved when you were 18.

"Is this my baby niece?" You bent down in front of the stroller where a two-month-old baby sat.

"Yes she is." Justin said.

"Hi there Nora. I'm your auntie y/n." You said in a baby voice. Sebastian looked at you fondly as you made faces and cooed at the baby.

"Okay let's go get your luggage Mom and dad are waiting for us." Matthew said. You stuck your tongue at at him before standing. You grabbed your before hand before the 6 of you before walking to luggage claim. You guys made it to luggage claim grabbing your bags before heading out to Jonathan's mini-van which you teased him for.

"So how do you two meet?" Matt asked as he leaned back in the seat. You didn't tell your family much about yours and Sebastian's relationship.

"At a party Chris invited me to." You said.

"That's all not some exciting and adorable story? Wait Chris?" Justin asked.

"Chris Evans. My co-star? I told you bout him! The guy with the adorable dog!" You said looking down at your phone.

"Oh! That guy!"

"Chris was adamant in us meeting." Sebastian chuckled with you.

"Sebastian. Your an actor like her right?" Matt asked.

"Yeah." Sebastian nodded.

"You're in those marvel movies? My twins talk about them all the time." Jonathan said.

"And so does my oldest." Mike said.

"Yeah I play the Winter Soldier." Sebastian said smiling.

"Cool man I think thats my daughters favorite." Jonathan replied.

"You don't know Samantha's favorite character from movies she talks about 24-7?" Justin asked.

"I'm pretty sure it's him." Jon shrugged as he turned the car down the street leading into your hometown.

"Grayson said something about her favorite being Captain America though." Mike said.

"Ooooh! Jax's favorite is The winter soldier!" Jon said in realization as the car made it into town.

"In a whole year this place didn't even change a bit." You muttered looking out the window as the car passed by shops and houses.

"It never does." Matt said.

"Hey, are my other nieces and nephews waiting at mom and dad's house for us?" You asked your brothers. They each have kids, Matt has two Luna and Benji they are thirteen and eight, Jonathan has four Samantha, and Jaxon who are twins and fourteen, Violet and Hazel who are ten, and nine, Mike has four boys, Grayson, Jasper, Levi, and Griffin who are fourteen, twelve, ten, and four, Justin has three Leo, Oliver, and Nora, they are seven, five and Nora is just a baby. You were the only one without kids but that was because you wanted to wait till you were married to have children.

"No Griffin is but the rest went to get something from Jon's house before we left so they probably aren't back yet." Mike told you as the car pulled into the driveway of a two story house that was far from the street with a large yard that was surrounded by woods after.

"We're here!" You said excitedly as you unbuckled your car. In addition to not seeing your brothers for a year you also didn't see their wives who you were close with since they became your big sisters the second they met you. You had seen your parents when they came to a premiere for one of your movies. Jon parked the car and you climbed out going with Sebastian to the trunk to get your luggage. "See Seb told ya my brothers would love you." You said, he was nervous about coming for two reasons one was leaving his mom alone for the holiday but the three of you decided to celebrate it early, and the other one was just because of the fact the first time he'd be meeting your brothers and most of your family would be on a big holiday.

"You were right dragoste but you still have more family." He said leaning down to kiss you.

"No PDA!" Matt said before Sebastian's lips met your. You pulled away glaring at your brother before you shut the trunk of the van and began to wheel the suitcases up to the house with Sebastian right next to you looking around at the house.

"Mom! We're back!" Mike shouted as the 6 of you entered the house with the addition of Nora who was asleep in her car seat. A four-year-old boy came running at full speed toward you crashing into your legs hugging them tight.

"Griffin!" You said picking the little boy up and giving him a tight hug.

"Hi Auntie!" The boy said before looking up at the man standing beside you. "Who are you?"

"I'm Sebastian, your Aunts boyfriend." Sebastian said smiling at the boy.

"Uncle?" Griffin asked beaming with excitement.

"Sure buddy." Griffin made grabby hands toward Sebastian who gladly took him. You couldn't help but smile at how Sebastian was with your nephew.

"Hun!" Your mom came out of the kitchen pulling you into a hug immediately.

"Hi momma." You said. The two of you pulled away so you could hug your dad while your mom gave Sebastian a hug. "Hi dad."

You walked into the living room Sebastian no longer holding Griffin but Griffin was holding his hand. "Y/n!" You sister in laws said smiling at you, Justin's wife, Elizabeth was the first on to give you a hug, then Colleen, Jon`s wife gave you one followed by Autumn, Matt`s Wife.

"Mommy! This is Uncle Sebastian!" Griffin said to Kristina his mom.

"So your the man Y/n talked about. Nice to meet you I'm Kristina." She said smiling at your boyfriend.

"You too. I'm Sebastian." Your other three sisters-in-law introduced themselves before you showed Sebastian to the room you two would be staying in. "This is where you grew up?" He asked looking at the decorations you had left in the small bedroom when you moved out. "Is this you?" He picked up a photo of you freshman year of high school with braces, you were in a cheer-leading uniform on the back of Justin who was in a football jersey.

"Yeah." You said blushing.

"You were adorable." He said before smirking. "Think you'd still fit in the cheerleader outfit?" He asked suggestively.

"Sebastian!" You exclaimed pushing him playfully making the two of you laugh.

"Seriously you'd be hot in it." He said leaning down to kiss you.

"Whatever you say babe." You laughed hugging him before you heard the sound of 11 kids voices. "You get to meet my favorite people are you ready? This will break or make you." You joked.

"I think I'd rather stay up here with you alone... Wait I thought I was your favorite person!." He said pouting causing you to laugh and push him playfully again.

"Sorry but they win your higher on the list then my brothers though!." You said before three little boys ran into the room. "My boys!" You said leaning down opening your arms for the three to run into them.

"Hi Auntie y/n!" The youngest of the three boys, Oliver said.

"Auntie n/n I missed you!" The oldest of the three, Benji said.

"Auntie y/n who's he?" Leo, Olivers brother asked pulling away from the hug to look up at Sebastian.

"I'm Sebastian." Sebastian said leaning down to their height.

"He's uncle Seb!" Griffin said as he walking in his older brother, Grayson following.

"Your actually dating Sebastian Stan! I thought dad was lying!" Grayson exclaimed staring at the man, Sebastian chuckled at the excitement of your nephew.

"Hi what's your name?" Sebastian asked not directing it to one of the boys in particular though he had a guess to which was which. You told him about all of them.

"I'm Benji. Can we actually call you uncle Seb?"

"Sure." Sebastian said.

"I'm Leo! Uncle Seb how does Grayson know who you are?"

"I'm the winter solider." Sebastian said in a hushed secretive tone.

"Cool! I'm Oliver!" Sebastian stood up looking at the teenager waiting to hear his name though he know it was Grayson because of what Leo had said. You stood up holding Oliver.

"I'm Grayson.. Do I have to call you uncle?" Grayson asked. He was a fan sure him and two of his cousins loved marvel but he found calling a guy he just met uncle a little strange now it may not seem weird to his four year old brother or younger cousins but that's mainly because they are young.

"No." Sebastian said.

"Come on now Seb has to meet the others now." You said.

"Jax is going to freak." Grayson said leaving the bedroom you, Sebastian, and the younger boys following behind. "Me, him, and Samantha are massive fans." He said. You couldn't help but smile already seeing your boyfriend bond with your nephews.

"Really? Were all three of you team cap?" Sebastian asked.

"Sebastian stan!" A girls voice exclaimed from the bottom of the stares where two teens who looked alike stood staring at your boyfriend.

"Hi!" Sebastian said waving at them as you guys made your ways down the stairs.

"I'm here too!" You pouted. Jaxon was the first to break from the trance and give you a hug, then Samantha did the same as your younger nephews ran off to play.

"Your actually dating Sebastian stan?" Samantha asked you.

"No he's just a cardboard cutout." You joked.

"A really realistic one." Your boyfriend said.

"Hi! I'm Jaxon! This is my twin Samantha."

"Grayson said you guys are fans. Were you two on team cap?" Sebastian asked.

"I was on team ironman." Grayson said.

"I was team cap!" Samantha said.

"Team Ironman." Sebastian feigned hurt as he gasped.

"But I'm dating you aunt and I'm on team cap." He said.

"We're still team ironman." Grayson said.

"You my favorite." Sebastian whispered to Samantha jokingly.

"Ha!" She said to Grayson and Jaxon sticking her tongue out at them.

"She's only on team Cap because she has a crush on Chris Evans." Jaxon said. You couldn't help but laugh. You knew about this crush because your niece was so excited to know you were starring in a film with Chris.

"Jax!" Samantha exclaimed smacking him. The two of them began argue as siblings do. You and Grayson just shrugged when Sebastian looked at you guys.

"Was that my fault?" Sebastian whispered to you.

"No they fight over nonsense all the time." You assured. "Come one you still have to meet the rest of my nieces and nephews." You said leaving the teenagers to figure out their problems on their own.

"Uncle Seb! Come play with us!" Griffin ran over to you two pulling Sebastian outside where you noticed most of your family was now. Griffin pulled Sebastian to where your nieces and nephews except the oldest three were playing soccer. You sat down next to Justin who was feeding nora.

"The kids seem to love him. I've never seen Oliver this outgoing around an adult that isn't one of us." He said watching as Oliver kicked the soccer ball to Sebastian.

"Yeah." You agreed watching as Luna blocked the ball from the diy goals that were set up in the front yard. They were just arches made out of some extra wood from a project your parents did a while ago those arches have been their since you were six. There were two that we're across from each other.

"You finally found a good guy sis." Matt said as he sat down next to you. "And he's good with kids."

You watched as the three teenagers who formerly inside came out to join their cousins/siblings. "He's got the teens playing with the little kids! I can't even get Grayson to watch Griffin for a few minutes." Mike said joining the three of you.

"Why aren't you out there? Your the pro at playing soccer with them." Jonathan said walking over. You shrugged watching as Hazel kicked the ball to Sebastian it accidentally hitting him in the crotch. He let out a groan that your couldn't hear as he fell to the ground.

"Sorry!" Hazel exclaimed as you ran down to them.

"You okay babe?" You asked Sebastian.

"Yeah just need a break." He said staying in his position on the grass groaning.

"You killed him." Samantha said jokingly to her sister.

"I didn't mean too!"

"Girls he'll be fine he's just being a big baby." You joked. Sebastian glared at you finally sitting up before you tackled you smirking at you.

"Dogpile on Aunt y/n!" Samantha exclaimed before jumping onto Sebastian's back making you and your boyfriend groan. The rest of your nieces and nephews joined besides Nora for obvious reasons. Unbeknownst to you and Sebastian, Colleen took a photo.

"Okay can I be free now?" You asked.

"No!" Griffin said.

"You have to give us cookies before dinner!" Oliver said.

"Okay fine but you can't tell my brothers or your moms." You agreed. The kids got off and ran into the house ready for their cookies. Your brothers were all gonna go home with their families before dinner so this was the only chance for your nieces and nephews to get their cookies.

"So doll you said that would make or break me how did I do?" Sebastian asked holding himself above you with his hands on either side of your head.

"You did great even my brothers admitted it." You said smiling. "Now come one there are thirteen kids waiting for cookies it's going to become a riot if they don't get any." You said as Sebastian got off helping you up.

The rest of the day went great your brothers and sisters-in-law loved him, the kids adored him. It is now Thanksgiving, your brothers and their families are already here the kids, you, and Sebastian watching the parade on Tv. You leaned against Sebastian 's shoulder as your nieces and nephews excitedly pointed at the floats. Nora was sat your lap sucking on a binky as she watched her brothers and cousins go crazy over the floats.

"Doll when are we gonna have one of these?" Sebastian asked looking down at the baby.

"Not for awhile Stan." You said bouncing the baby. You actually loved being the cool aunt that didn't have any kids of her own especially when sometimes during the summer you get to bring your older nieces and nephews back to New York with you for the summer which they always love. It's really only when you don't have any filming going on.

"But come on I think Nora wants a new cousin." He smirked at you.

"I think she should beg her other aunts and uncles for one then." You said.

"Please I want a cousin close to my age!" He lifted the baby up the his face her facing you as he did a baby voice.

"Not happening." You laughed taking you niece back. "Keep dreamin babe. But you gotta put a ring on my finger before you put a baby in me." You looked but at your nieces and nephews who were laughing and playing around.

"Will you marry me." He whisper pulling a ring pop out of a candy bowl your parents had in the living room for the kids. You couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry but I like my jewelry not to be edible." You joked trying to take the ring.

"No! You don't get the ring you said no!" He pouted.

"Hey love birds! Stop flirting while you have my daughter on your laps!" Justin said walking over and taking the baby from you. "I'm sorry baby that must have been scary."

"Okay okay Justin." You laughed. "We won't flirt anymore.

"Speak for yourself. I can't resist it." Sebastian said pulling you closer to him making you laugh.

"Whatever Y/n Mom wants you in the kitchen."

You stood giving you boyfriend a smile before walking into the kitchen. "Yes mom?" You asked.

"Can you and Sebastian go down to the basement to kid the kids table and chairs?" She asked not looking up at you from the turkey.

"Okay." You turned around going to the living. "Seb come help me get the kids table and chairs." You said peaking into the living. You saw your sister in laws and brothers now there talking to your boyfriend.

"Coming doll." Sebastian stood up walking over to you before following you to the basement door.

"Into the dungeon." You said opening it to reveal some rickety looking stairs.

"Gonna lock me down here? My fans will notice I'm gone though." Sebastian laughed following you.

"Maybe I will." You laughed going over to a fold up table. "Here's the table let's get it up stairs." You said lifting a end of it. He grabbed the other end and the two of you brought it up the stairs. You set it in the dining room before going back to the basement to grab the chairs. After you finished grabbing everything, Levi and Jasper stole Sebastian to go play outside with while you set the table up. You sighed finishing setting up the table before going out the back door to see all of your nieces and nephews crowding around your boyfriend, him holding two of them, Jasper was on his back while he held Griffin on his hip. You couldn't help but smile before taking a photo of them for Instagram you captioned it happy thanks giving then posted it tagging Sebastian, your brothers, and your sister in laws in it. Your oldest three niece and nephews have Instagrams but you never tag them in your posts deciding to keep them away from the unwarranted fame that comes from being a actress' niece and nephews. Your boyfriend looked at you smiling as Jasper jumped off his back and Leo tried to take his cousin's spot.

"When will we have one of those! You need a mini you running around the apartment." Sebastian whisper to you as you guys went back into the dining room where your family had been waiting.

"Okay love birds cut it out!" Jon said rolling his eyes as you sat down. You stuck your tongue out at him. (Add saying grace if your family does. Mine doesn't so I don't know how to do that)

The dinner was filled with laughter as everyone began talking about what had happened in the year you hadn't seen each other. You and Sebastian went into better detail on how you met. You met him two years ago a month after filming the movie you were in with Chris E. Your sister in laws asked about the movies he had been two of them knowing a lot about the Marvel movies he had been in because of their kids. Your mom shared as many embarrassing stories as she could. "When she was 4 she was the bossiest kid, she'd make the boys make be in mini movies with her, we still have some of those I'll find them." She said.

"Mom! No!" You whined laughing.

"I'm sure you were just as good of an actress back then as you are now." Sebastian said smiling at you. You shook your head.

"No the videos are so embarrassing." You mumbled.

"Yeah for all of us! You used to make us put your tiny ass pink dresses on." Matt said. They could never say no to you. So wearing a pink dress 7 sizes too small was something they did for you. You didn't fit into those dresses again until you was 13 because they stretched them out.

"You didn't have to say yes!" You laughed.

"None of us could say no to you! You would pull the puppy dog eyes then we'd be in dresses!" Justin said. Sebastian laughed knowing exactly what Justin meant. He could resist your puppy dog eyes either.

"Or our Halloween candy! You took all my snickers!" Mike said pouting.

"Your still mad at me for that! I did the dishes for a month to make it up to you!" You said laughing.

"Get over it babe." Kristina said. She knew all about this whole thing as she was friends with your brother most of your guys childhoods.

"You're supposed to be on my side!" Mike whined.

"She likes me more!" You teased sticking your tongue out at him. Sebastian watched fondly as you and your family joked and brought up old stories. He smiled every time you got embarrassed over a story your brothers and their wives decided to bring up. You looked over at him a smile so big that looked it hurt.

"Sebastian do you have any new roles? I already know y/n has a project coming up." Autumn asked you before taking a sip of her wine.

"Filming for Falcon and the winter soldier started a few months ago actually." Sebastian said beginning to talk about his role to which there was plenty input shouted from the kid's table from Grayson and the twins.

After dinner everyone watched a movie once it was over your brothers and their families went home then you and Sebastian retreated to your bedroom. "You told me you only use your puppy dog eyes on me." Sebastian said pouting at you.

"No I just implied that I never made it a fact." You smirked at him hugging him. "You know maybe we should have a baby. The world need another Stan." You thought aloud. Though you probably only thought that due to the fact you got baby fever everytime you were around your brothers kids.

"Really?" Sebastian looked down at you beaming with delight.

"Sure why not?" You said closing your eyes as you rested you head on his chest.

"Maybe we should start trying." He smirked as your eyes popped open and glared at him.

"No! My family is still here." You said. "We'll start trying for a baby when we get home." You muttered.

"But why not a headstart." He pushed a little harder jokingly, he, in reality, didn't mind waiting but he liked how you looked when you got annoyed he found it cute.

"Because my parents are down stairs!"

"They won't hear." He teased smiling at you as you scrunched you eyebrows up glaring at him. "Chill baby I'm joking." You sighed laying you head on his chest once again.

"You better be." You mumbled yawning.

"Come on baby let's get you ready for bed." He kissed your forehead smiling at you. He was immensely happy with you agreeing to start a family.

You woke up the next morning remembering your talk with Sebastian and you couldn't help but smile. Especially when you began thinking about what your family's reactions were gonna be. You knew your brothers would be excited for another niece or nephew, you parents would be a little iffy as you want to start before marriage, the kids would love having another cousin, and your sisters in law have been saving their kids clothing for you since each of their youngests except Elizabeth's grew out of them. You rolled over to look at Sebastian but found that he wasn't there. You furrowed your brows before climbing out of bed to make your way downstairs to find him, but first you got dressed. As you were making your way to the stairs you could hear talking from downstairs. You made it to the kitchen where Colleen was smiling ear to ear at you with Sebastian sitting next to her with a guilty look on his face, your parents weren't in the room but you could hear them talking in the living room.

"Your trying for a baby!!! Your gonna be a mom!" Colleen squealed jumping up and down giving you a hug.

"How did you find that out?"

"I let it slip on accident." Sebastian gave you an apologetic smile.

"Colleen you can't tell anyone!" You said.

"Fine but when you find the gender out! I have some adorable clothes from each of my kids you can have!"

"Thank you." You chuckled before going to sit down by Sebastian. "Good job."

"I didn't mean to."

"It's fine babe." You said giving him a kiss.

"You guys are so in love you two better make me a bridesmaid at the wedding." Colleen said before leaving to kitchen.

By the time the week ended your family grew attached to Sebastian. Your oldest three niece and nephews were definitely the most attached enjoying to ask him questions about the marvel movies and their favorite actors from the franchise Sebastian was a little butt hurt he wasn't any of theirs favorites. Your younger nieces and nephews loved him, the girls all managed to get him dressed up as a princess with a tutu and all. You obviously posted a photo of him and your nieces all dressed up. Your older brothers were definitely grateful that he was the guy you brought home knowing you have had plenty of failed relationships in the twelve years since you left town. Your sister-in-laws were more then happy to welcome into the family even before you brought him and their opinions on him didn't change.

[legionofpotatoes]

we decided to watch all story cutscenes from the new resident evil village videogame on a whim, since it’s not really our cup of tea gameplay-wise but seems to be this massive zeitgeist moment that made us morbidly curious. And I know how much everyone cares about my thoughts on things I know very little about, so. let’s get into it huh gamers. and yeah spoilers?

for context, I’ve only played resident evil 4 and a small portion of 5. I also read the wikipedia entry for 7’s plot recently. all this to say I was only vaguely aware of how tonally wacky the series was going in

I also completely gave up following the plot of the mutagens’ soap opera, so that paid off in spades here as you might imagine

anyway so that baby in the intro. that baby’s head is just massive. humongous toddlerdome. when ethan finds the baby’s head in a jar later on. there is no way that head would fit into that jar. bad game design. no not even game design. basic stuff. one hundred years in prison for jar modeler

if I see a single functional hetero marriage in video games I will cry tears of joy. I understand their misery is kind of The Point irt them badly working through the hillbilly romp trauma but like. sheesh. at least set that up as an emotional story goal the plot will help resolve. but nope they start off miserable and it goes nowhere

I know I know the mia thing has a huge wrinkle in it but like. not really in terms of dramatic function?? set up a happy end to the re7 nightmare (miranda can keep up appearances for all she cares) and then take that all away from angry griffin mcelroy for manpain. it will still absolutely work to set up the dramatic forward momentum. why throw in this cliche Hollywood Tension in their marriage if you’re not going to address it oh maybe because it’s normalized as automatically interesting because nuclear families are a self-propagating pit of a very narrow chance at emotional happiness relying on social stigma to preserve their empty function oops my baggage slipped in yikes abort mission

I called him griffin mcelroy because I saw his face on twitter and. yeah. I will continue to do this occasionally. my house my rules

... fuck the reason I’m hung up on this is specifically because the rest of the game is so tonally dexterous (which is a shining point to me! more on that later!), and yet they felt weirdly compelled to create the aesthetic trapping of a family-at-odds trope without following it through too well. a sign of both the good and the bad stuff to come

but listen the real reason why I wanted to talk about any of this is to nitpick the fascinating backwards-engineered nucleus of the entire thing; in that this game essentially creates a melting pot of just SO many disparate horror tropes and then makes a no-holds-barred unhinged effort at weaving thick lore to piece them all together. it is truly a sight to behold. like straight up you got your backwoods fright night situation, your gothic castle vampires, your rural-industrial werewolves, and don’t forget your bloated swamp monsters over there, with then a hard left turn into robotic body horror, and the entire ass subgenre of Creepy Doll writ large, and the bloodborne tentacle monsters, and a hellboy angel bossfight, which rides on the coattails of a mech-on-mech pacific rim bonanza, and just jesus henry christ slow down

almost all of these are textural hijack jobs that don’t really get into the metaphor plain of any of those settings but the game sort-of makes an argument that the texture IS the point and revels in it. It is kind of admirable almost. The same reason why the intro felt boxed in and unmotivated is also why the rest of the game just blasts off of its hinges to the point of complete and self-indulgent tonal abandon. I kinda loved that about it. lady dimitrescu made sure to hold her hat down as she bent forward in mahogany doorways and then suddenly she’s a giant gore dragon and you settle in your temp role as dark souls man with Gun to take her ass down. Excellent??

this rhino rampage impulse to gobble up every horror aesthetic known to man comes to head when the game wrestles with its FPS trappings in what is the most hilarious solution in creating visceral player damage moments. Since most cinematics and the entire game is in first person, that leaves precious little real estate for the devs to work with if they really want to sell griffin’s physical crucible. To wit. This dude’s forearms. Specifically just the forearms. They are MASSACRED throughout the story. The poor man lives out the silent hill dimension of a hand model. by the end cutscene he looks like a neatly dressed desk clerk who had decided to stick both his grabbers into garbage disposal grinders just a few hours prior. like in addition to everything else it manages to rope in that tinge of slapstick violence into its general grievous genre collection except this time it IS for a lack of trying! truly incredible

but wait his miracle clawbacks from everything his poor paws go through are retroactively explained away, yes, but far too vaguely and far too late to console me as I sat and watched everyone’s favorite baby brother reattach an entirely severed hand to his wrist stump by just. placing it on there. and giving it a lil twist ‘n pop terminator-style. and then willing his fingers back into motion right in front of my bulging eyes. this game just does not care. it does not give a shit. and boy howdy will it work to make that into one of its strongest suits

cause generally speaking resident evil was THE premiere vanilla zombie content destinaysh for like a decade, right? and as the rest of the world and mainstream media started encroaching and bloodying its blue ocean it went and just exploded in every single conceivable horror trope direction like a smilodon on catnip. truly, genuinely fascinating franchise moves

yeah the big vampire milf is hot. other news; grass... green. although I do love the implication that her closet is just identical white dresses on a rack. cartoon network-level queen shit

apropos of nothing I’ve said there’s also this hobo dante-devimaycry-magneto man, and I can’t believe this sentence makes sense. anyway he made that “boulder-punching asshole” joke referring to chris redfield and it was probably the only easter egg that really landed for me and boy did it land hard. I have not seen him punch the boulder in re5, mind. I had only heard about how funny it is from friends. and here this dude was, probably in the same exact mindset as me, trying to grapple with that insane mental image. with you on that ian mckellen, loud and clear

I advocate vehemently against the shallow pursuit of hyper photorealism in art direction but I gotta admit it works really in favor of immersive horror like this. the european village shacks especially gave me super unchill flashbacks to my rural countryside retreat in western georgia. I could smell the linoleum dude. not cool

faces are weird in this game. can’t place it. nice textures, good animation, but the modeling template is... uuh strange? and the hair. it has that clustered-flat-clumpy look that harkens to something very specific and unpleasant but I just don’t know what. sue me

griffin’s mental aptitude to take all this shit in stride and end every seemingly traumatizing bossfight involving some fucking eldritch being yet unseen through mortal eyes by essentially throwing out an MCU quip is just. What the fuck dude? I mean that was funny how you casually yelled the f-word at a god damn werewolf that you considered a fairy tale an hour ago but are you like, all right?? it was swinging a sledgehammer the size of a bus at you, ethan

oh oh the vampires are afraid of cold and your last name is winters. I get it haha

Pro Gamer Nitpick: boss fights seemed a bit unnecessarily long?? idk why the youtuber we picked decided the ENTIRE propeller man fight counted towards the vital story scenes he was stitching together, but man mr big daddy lite there really had some get up and go huh??

why are they saying dimitrescu.. like that. is it really how you say that word or is the english language relapsing into its fetish for ending every single word with a consonant at all costs

I’m not saying it’s a dramatic miss of a twist in context of all that’s going on, but the “you died in the last game actually and have been DC’s clayface ever since” revelation is low-key. it’s. it’s just funny to me, I dont know what to say. century-old god-witch fails her evil plan after she mistakenly removes heart from what was definitely NOT just some white guy with eight fingers after all

chris realizing he’s about to become the player character and immediately swapping out his tsundere trenchcoat for the muscletight sex haver sweater

the little bluetooth speaker-sized pipe bomb he taped to his knife was nuclear?? really??? I must have missed something because that is just too good. I buy it though I totally buy it. chris just got them fun-sized nukes in his car trunk for, you guessed it, Situations

anyway this is all for now just wanted to briefly touch on how unexpectedly funny and tonally irreverent this seemingly serious game turned out to be. did not articulate any cathartic story beats whatsoever but my god it had fun connecting those plot points. he just fucking put his severed hand back on his stump and it Just Worked todd howard get in here

[aerisahale]

Catharsis

Pairing: Clarke Griffin x Lexa kom Trikru Fandom: The 100 Length: 4,311 Summary:  Raven invites Clarke to stay at her house over Christmas break after the university forces all the students out of on-campus housing. Clarke doesn't expect to see her angry ex-boyfriend or the incredibly gorgeous friend of Anya's. Read it on AO3, if you prefer!

--

The chair to Clarke Griffin’s desk in her dorm room is the best seating in the small space and Raven Reyes is quick to throw herself down into it, bag hitting the ground with a thud. The bright lettering stands out against the mild background. Raven’s eyes are drawn to the flyer immediately. “Getting kicked out?”

“Just for the holidays. I have that extra semester to make up before it’s a full eviction,” Clarke says as she flops down onto her bed, her equally heavy bag hitting the floor hard.

“You going home?”

“Probably. Mom’s in Pakistan working at a Doctor’s Without Borders clinic that helps women and other refugees in the area, so I’ll have the house to myself.”

Squinting at her friend, Raven cocks her head. “Christmas alone?”

“It’s fine. I can catch up on The Mandalorian.”

“What did you do last year?”

Clarke sits up, eyes on the floor. “Bellamy and I went to his parent’s house.”

The remorse is easy to see on Raven’s face. “Sorry, Clarke. I know it’s still a sore subject.”

“It isn’t,” Clarke says quickly.

Too quickly. Raven raises a brow.

“It shouldn’t be,” she amends. “I ghosted him. Not the other way around.”

“You did the best thing for yourself. That doesn’t mean it’s not going to hurt.” Raven reaches out and places a comforting hand on her friend’s knee.

“It’s been almost a year. I really am mostly over it. This is just the first Christmas in years without him.”

“You’ve been through a lot together. Despite how it ended, you cared for each other for a long time and that means something. It will always mean something.” Raven smiles her warmest smile and squeezes the knee she’s resting her hand on before pulling it away to snap her fingers. “Listen. Come to my place. You can stay in the spare room. We’re even throwing a Christmas Party.”

Clarke looks hesitant so Raven throws in a drawn out please with her best pout until her friend gives in. “But nothing crazy.”

“Just a few friends, no worries.”

--

“Thanks again for having me over,” Clarke says as she takes sets out the trays of food Anya handed her. Lining them up neatly on the countertop of the kitchen pass-through window, Clarke takes an extra moment to observe them in the whole of the setting.

An enormous tree sparkles in multiple colors in the corner of the living room, near their fireplace. Garlands, lights, and holiday-themed décor are arranged perfectly throughout the public spaces, down to the Christmas linens and hand soap in the bathrooms. All the invited guests have a stocking hanging over the fireplace as a party favor and three gifts currently sat wrapped beneath the tree for the white-elephant gift exchange planned for later in the evening.

Clarke knows all the names but one. The first hanging from the mantle is Octavia’s. Octavia, Raven and Clarke had all gone to school together and Clarke used to date her brother. She and Octavia played soccer together for awhile until the latter had transferred schools mid-year in their sophomore year. They were fairly close until that happened.

The next is John Murphy’s. There were so many John’s in high school that everyone started calling him Murphy and it stuck. Murphy wasn’t always her favorite person, as her moral compass did not quite point in the same direction as his, but she did not foresee them having any issues. She had a particularly fond memory of a time where they both got called to the principal’s office—both for very different concerns—and they had shared a pair of headphones while waiting.

After his was Emori Emmerson’s. She only knew of her. They did not frequent any of the same social groups growing up, but she had fallen in with Raven and Murphy, the latter of which she was dating. As far as Raven told it, she was fun to be around and had the same sense of humor as Raven.

Nathan Miller and Eric Jackson followed Emori’s and Clarke hoped they were still together. They started dating in their junior year of high school and seemed like a picture-perfect couple. She still saw the occasional Facebook post of stunning settings such as where they held hands against the backdrop of a vivid sunset. If anyone was going to make it through as high-school sweethearts, it was them.

Remember when they said that about you and Bellamy? Her traitorous brain completes the thought before she can stop it and it makes her angry. She argues back, Remember all the times he blamed me for things that were out of my control? Like the time you refused sex because you were on your period?

Satisfaction makes her smile when nothing else decides to bubble to the surface. Focusing her attention on the final stocking, the name she doesn’t know intriguing the curious, non-traitorous part of her mind. Lexa. She finds herself whispering it under her breath, enjoying the feel of it rolling over her tongue.

A knock on the door pulls her attention and Raven claps her hands as she sets the napkins in her hand next to the plates that were beside Anya’s appetizers that Clarke had laid out. The front door opens to reveal Miller and Jackson first, gifts tucked under their arms as they each pull Raven into a hug with their free arms. Those three converse for a minute before Raven takes their jackets and hangs them in the breezeway closet while Jackson puts their gifts under the tree next to the other three.

Miller sees Clarke first and waves to her, Jackson’s attention going that way moments after. She moves to hug them both, greeting them. “How have you guys been? I’m so glad to see you!” Privately, she adds, Together.

The exchange pleasantries as Raven starts pressing buttons on their stereo system until Christmas pop spills out of the speakers distributed well throughout the house. Clarke can hear it coming from the kitchen even. The lights on the Christmas tree dance to the beat and Clarke knows Raven enjoyed setting that up.

Another knock finds John and Emori on the other side of the door and the couple enters. The conversations of seven people fill the house with chatter and laughter, swirling with the Christmas music and the emerging, mouthwatering scent of warm sugar wafting out of the kitchen. The dancing lights distract Clarke from the next guest that enters, letting the cheerful music sit in her soul like a hearth fire, warmth filling her bones. It’s not with regret that her eyes find the next guest, she just wishes she had been paying attention because the woman she finds steals her breath.

She only sucks in another when the stranger is coming towards her, guided towards the food by Raven. Clarke panics. She ducks into the kitchen and finds herself staring into the fridge for absolutely nothing. The amount of cheese sticks Raven has stuffed into the crisper drawer is concerning, however. At least its twin is actually packed with vegetables.

“Oh, Clarke!” she hears Raven say and she takes a moment to pre-compose her reply to the inevitable introduction. Armed with her most charming smile, she turns away from the cheese overload, closing the door behind her. “This is Lexa! She’s a friend of Anya’s.”

“Nice to meet you! I’m Clarke!” She holds out her hand and tries not to wince at how overly-perky she sounds. Raven gives her a weird look and she knows she’s doing too much. She tries to dial it down by three notches as she asks, “How do you know Anya?”

There is an awkward moment where Lexa just stares at Clarke and she begins to wonder if she forgot to ask the question out loud until Raven says, “They grew up together, a lot like we did.”

The doorbell rings and Raven excuses herself, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone in the kitchen, alone in the uncomfortable silence as Clarke mulls over the fact that the other woman has yet to say anything to her. She wonders if the silence was better when the woman trips over her speedy question, “You’re the pre-med student that Raven goes to school with?”

“Ah, yeah, yes. I graduate in April. I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage?”

“Sorry,” color warms her pale cheeks as Lexa clears her throat and says in a much more paced tone, “Anya mentioned you might be here. What is your major?”

“Double-majoring, actually. I have one more semester to get my Bio and Chem degrees. Then off to med school.”

“You’ve already taken the MCATs?” the woman asks and Clarke is caught off guard.

“Yeah! Took them in my junior year to save time. I start at Harvard Med right after graduation.”

Surprise widens the woman’s green eyes and Clarke’s heart races. “I will be attending Harvard in January.”

“Small world,” Clarke jokes in an attempt to soothe her nerves. “What are you studying?”

Lexa smiles and the house around Clarke is spinning giddy circles to match the butterflies in her chest. “I also took the LSAT in my junior year. I just finished a double in Poli-Sci and History.”

“A lawyer!”

“Indeed. The real goal is to get into Congress, down the road. I hope for more, but that is my realistic goal.”

“That’s amazing! I have this feeling that you would be impressive at it.” Lexa smiles wide. “Thank you, Clarke.”

The way Lexa’s voice pops on the K of her name has Clarke wondering what she would sounds like if Clarke had her quivering under her mouth and the way Lexa is looking right through her, as if she can read her thoughts, has heat creeping up her neck and across her face. To distract herself, she turns towards the living room, surveying through the pass-through window.

Her eyes lock with familiar ones, the last ones she ever wanted to see again. His eyes were already on her and she feels trapped all over again. She spins around and suddenly finds herself breathing heavily. Lexa lays a hand on her back, rubbing a soothing circle as Clarke continues to chase her breath.

She turns back towards the party to see Raven looking at her with concern, mouthing, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know’ and Bellamy just behind her, eyes locked on the spot on her arm that Lexa’s hand gently remains. Only when Lexa’s arm drops back to her side does Bellamy say coldly, at odds with the words themselves, “Nice to see you again, Clarke.”

“Wish I could say the same!” Clarke blurts before pushing past him and beating a hasty retreat to the far corner of the living room.

Octavia finds her shortly and fills her in on what she has been doing, over the years. She keeps glancing at the kitchen door but she doesn’t think Bellamy has left there yet. Chuckling weakly at a joke that Octavia made, she jumps when Bellamy is suddenly at Octavia’s elbow, eyebrows drawn in anger. He speaks quietly enough that Octavia and Clarke are the only ones to hear him. “Why are you joking around with her?”

“We were friends before I switched schools, Bells.”

His voice rises slightly louder, people close to them glancing towards the group. “Friends? You don’t even know what you’re saying, Octavia.”

“Bellamy.” Clarke says his name in warning at the same time as Octavia tells him to stop making a scene.

“No, I think it’s time you—it’s time everyone knew the real Clarke Griffin,” Bellamy raises his voice, the conversation in the house falling silent as everyone focused in on them in the corner. The cheerful Christmas music and rhythmically twinkling lights at odds with the suddenly tense air. “You changed schools because of Clarke.”

“What?” Octavia asks. “What are you talking about? What is he talking about, Clarke?”

Shame fills every inch of Clarke as she stares at the ground, all eyes on her. Torn between running and praying a miraculous sinkhole swallowed her and only her, Clarke stays rooted to the spot. She tries to look at Octavia but can’t meet her confused gaze.

“Clarke planted the drugs in your locker that got you expelled from Arkadia High.”

The chill in Octavia’s voice actually makes Clarke shiver and she finally gathers the courage to meet her former friend’s furious eyes, “Explain, Clarke.”

“You…You all know how…competitive and ambitious I was in high school. I…put the drugs in your backpack the day before and then told the school officer about them. I thought it would just get you kicked off the team! We were both up for Captain and—at the time I thought it was what I had to do to win. I was young and dumb. I swear I had no idea you would be expelled. Please, Octavia, I’m so sorry.”

Octavia doesn’t say another word, storming out of the front door. Clarke is quick to follow, just behind her as the dark-haired woman keeps her steady march towards, well, Clarke isn’t really sure. Suddenly, she stops and whips around, finger pointed right at Clarke, jamming it into her collar bone to enunciate her words.

“You never told me? You never owned up to it? Even after you saw the consequences of those actions?”

“Octavia, I’m so sorry. Nothing I can say can ever make up for that.”

“I had to go to court!” Stab. “I had to go to therapy!” Stab. “No one believed they weren’t mine.” Stab. “Except Bellamy, and I guess I know why now.”

“No, no!” Clarke is quick to say, pleading with her eyes. “Octavia he always believed you. I only told him later when I was beyond drunk and feeling extremely guilty. I swear, he was always on your side.”

“And the worst fucking part, Clarke? Is that you lied! For all these years.”

“Please, Octavia. I know I can never make it up to you now, but you have to know, if I could go back and do it over, I would never have done it. I hated the person I was and I’ve learned from those choices. I choose every day to be a better person. I’m becoming a doctor to save lives, not ruin them. Maybe that’s why, if I’m being honest.”

The anger drains out of Octavia and Clarke holds her breath. “I was angry for a long time. I never knew how they got there. I did a lot of unsafe, unhealthy things that I regret while coping with that anger.”

“I’m so sorry,” Clarke breathes out.

“Look, I’m trying to say: I get it. We all have done things we’re ashamed of. All we can do is move forward and be a better person than we were yesterday. I definitely can’t forgive you yet, but let’s take it a day at a time and not let this ruin Christmas any more than it has.”

Clarke admires the woman Octavia has become, wonders what she went through to become this level-headed woman before her. In high school, Octavia would hold the longest grudges. Quick to anger and quick to give it a home adjacent to her heart where she would house it forever. It is part of the reason Clarke could never come clean about what happened.

Octavia heads back in, but Clarke stays in the cold a moment longer, taking a few deep breaths to calm her emotions before following back into the warmth. The Christmas music filled the quiet house, as everyone murmured quietly to one another. Bellamy stood in the back and it looked like he was quietly arguing with Octavia.

It took the party a while to lose the tense atmosphere, but it eventually did. Clarke kept near Raven, worried what the others must think of her, learning one of her deepest regrets. Not too long after the conversation picked back up, Raven pulled out a game of Pictionary and divided the group into teams. One team had Raven, Anya, Clarke, Bellamy, and Lexa and the other had Octavia, Miller, Jackson, Murphy, and Emori.

Clarke is chosen to draw first, and after Emori earned her team 4 spaces on the board, the turn passed to her. The first things she had to draw was stained glass. A church window came to mind and she quickly sketched Saint Mary as the centerpiece to a Curved window with lines to represent the where the glass was different colored. She thought this was going to be hard for any of them to guess but Lexa guessed correctly at the same time as Bellamy shouted, “Mary, the mother of Jesus!”

“Yes, but not exactly correct. Lexa got it, though. Roll for us?” Clarke tried to say it as gently as possible.

It turned into a competition between the two, or at least, as far as Bellamy was concerned. Every time it was Clarke’s turn to draw he would try to shout over Lexa, usually incorrectly. He would glare every time Lexa was right and he was wrong. Eventually, the game ended and Clarke’s team won, but barely. Despite the problematic moments, Clarke really relished how well Lexa got her.

She offers to help clean up as Lexa starts doing it. They gathered up the pieces and fit it all neatly back into the box. Clarke smiles at her. “Let me show you where it goes.”

Clarke leads her down the hallway to a closet and opens the door for her. She reaches in and turns the light on towards the side and Lexa slides past her to add the box to the stack of board games already in there. As Lexa turns to leave, she caught Clarke looking up and swallowing. She follows her gaze. Mistletoe.

Clarke glances back down in time to watch Lexa’s eyes dart up and she suddenly realizes how close the two are. She chuckles and attempts a joke, “Who puts mistletoe over a closet door? I feel like this is some sort of ‘coming out of the closet’ joke.”

“We don’t have to—” Lexa starts.

“But it is tradition—” Clarke stumbles.

“It is—" Lexa gets out before she’s crashing her lips into Clarke’s, missing by slightly too much before she pulls back and finds her center, placing a proper kiss on the shorter woman. Clarke moans into it, surprising herself, as she parts her lips for Lexa’s tongue that wastes no time in seeking askance.

It’s over as soon as it starts, as the sound of a toilet flushing just further down the hall has them pulling apart. Bellamy emerges and there’s no making excuses for what they’d just been doing. Anger further clouds Bellamy’s face as he says, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

He storms past them and down the hall, turning back to shout. “Good riddance, you fucking slut.”

Octavia’s reply in the second sudden silence of the party at Bellamy’s hands issues down the hall, “You did not just slut-shame someone.”

“Yeah, I fucking did. Clarke is down her making out with Lexa after she fucking ghosted me.”

Clarke and Lexa head back out to the scene being made about them in the living room. All eyes are once again on Clarke as she confronts her ex-boyfriend. “You act like this, Bellamy! You act like this and worse, all the time. This is why I left you!”

“We spent years together and now you’re fucking some random chick!”

“First of all, it’s been almost a year since we broke up. Second of all, we were not fucking, clearly.”

“Third, she can do whatever she wants!” Octavia intercedes. “We don’t slut-shame in this house.”

“Once again, O, you have no idea what you’re talking about. The things Clarke and I have been through together mean something.”

“Look-“ Clarke starts to say, but Bellamy is hearing none of it, already set on his path.

“She was a secret fucking teen mom and now she’s hooking up with a stranger in her friend’s fucking closet. This is ridiculous. I’m glad I broke up with her. I clearly don’t know her at all.”

“What the fuck, Bellamy,” Clarke growls. “It took two to be that fucking teen mom!”

“Teen mom, for a minute, anyway. I’m fucking out. Fuck this shit.” He slams the door behind him and Clarke sways. Lexa is at her elbow and quickly has an arm around her waist.

“Let’s go sit down, okay?”

She lets the other woman guide her to the couch, taking a seat beside her. The soothing hand from earlier is back, rubbing circles into her back, and this time, Clarke leans into it. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, building a dam around the tsunami of emotions coursing through her, knowing her friends want an explanation.

Lexa is a silent but reassuring presence at her side. Raven looks heartbroken. Octavia is furious. The others wear looks of mild concern to curiosity. Raven is the first to break the silence, “You don’t have to talk about it.”

“I—I want to. It’s time. It’s been years. I got pregnant in senior year. Bellamy’s, of course. It’s why I worked so hard to graduate early and why I took classes online for the first three semesters. I gave birth to a beautiful, amazing, healthy baby girl, but I wasn’t ready to be a mom. So, she was adopted by this lovely couple with enough money and time to give her an amazing life that I wasn’t sure I could guarantee her.”

She takes a few deep breaths, bolstered by the hand on her back, by the awe on her friend’s faces, by the love. “I was really depressed for months afterwards. Bellamy always supported my choice, he just didn’t get it, you know? I joined a Post-Partum Depression support group and ended up becoming friends with this other woman who also gave up her child and was experiencing a lot of the same feelings I was. Eventually, I worked through it.”

“I was different afterwards, and so was Bellamy. He was irritable, blamed me for a lot of things that weren’t my fault. I think deep down, even beyond admitting it to himself, that he blamed me for us not having our child with us. I think he felt pressured to support whatever decision I made and never voiced any of his feelings on it and it led to the rift that formed between us, until, one day, I just left.”

All of the shame and guilt that Clarke has carried with her for years felt lighter. Something else had changed tonight, and Bellamy was still an asshole, but it was all cathartic in some way. She smiles over at Lexa. “Nothing like meeting a cute girl and finding out all her deepest, darkest secrets, am I right?”

Lexa laughs and everyone else joins in. The atmosphere lightens and people begin a few side conversations. Raven throws herself into Clarke’s lap and pulls her into a tight embrace. “I love you, Clarke. I’m so sorry that this all happened tonight, but I hope it turns into something that helps you heal. I’m always here for you.”

“I love you, too, Raven. We should probably talk more about it, but later.”

“Oh, and, by the way, there might be some mistletoe hiding up there above the couch!” Raven points as she darts off Clarke’s lap, leaving her next to just Lexa, who she pulls into another kiss, drawing hollers from the crowd. “You owe me ten bucks,” she hears from John Murphy and she breaks the kiss in laughter.

“I know it’s been a pretty intense night, but I really am pretty attracted to you and I heard I might be living in the same city as you in a few months.”

“I feel the same way, Clarke. Following the tradition of candor this evening, Anya hoped we might hit it off tonight. She told me all about you and I was so stunned by how beautiful you are, I forgot how to talk when she introduced me.”

“Let’s exchange numbers for now and we can see how things play out once I move out there?”

Lexa smiles and kisses Clarke again. “I’ll miss these lips, but that sounds good.”

-- One Year Later --

“We’re going to Raven and Anya’s for Christmas, right?” Clarke asks.

“That’s the plan. Is Bellamy going to be there?”

“He is,” Clarke begins, stopping Lexa’s protests with, “but he’s bringing his girlfriend, and he seems to really be working on himself. However, in honor of last year, I proposed a new game to Raven. Confessions: The Game of Secrets and Lies. With a few custom added cards to carry on the tradition of last year, but it’s his turn.”

“Clarke.” Lexa frowns.

“All in good nature! I promise. Not like he was. Besides, it was pretty smooth sailing for us after all that!”

“Just because it worked out for us, that doesn’t make it a good model to cementing the foundation of a new relationship.”

“Okay, but it made mine and Octavia’s relationship even stronger!” Clarke adds with a sweet smile at her girlfriend. “Fine! Without the custom cards. Maybe. I reserve the right to be petty.”

“I am really glad I met you that night.”

“Maybe there will be more mistletoe!”

“Any excuse to kiss me?”

“As if I need an excuse! No, this party I’m going for scandalous!” Clarke directs a devilish smirk towards Lexa. “Gotta keep ‘em guessing.”

Lexa laughs. “Alright, scandalous, it is. Let’s practice right now.”

Clarke groans as Lexa bites right into the spot she knows drives her crazy. Their clothes hit the floor as they make their way towards their bedroom, thoughts of Christmas parties long gone.

[onemilliongoldstars]

better to be fake - chapter two

Since she started at St Anne’s private prep school, Lexa has prided herself on her ability to fly below the radar, even if she sometimes is forced to waitress her classmates’ socialite events. That all changes the moment she comes to the attention of Clarke Griffin, the princess of the upper east side, as wealthy as she is beautiful and used to getting her own way.

Determined to shake off the hold of her over bearing mother, Clarke presents Lexa with a proposal that she can’t turn down: pretend to date her and she will make sure Lexa never has to waitress again.

–

please note the tags and warnings on ao3.

read on ao3.

clexa high society au.

2/13

--

She feels out of place from the moment she steps out of the elevator and into the Griffin home.

It's the maid that greets her at the door and leads her through into the living room to wait while she hurries away to fetch Clarke. Lexa stands, her hands deep in the pockets of her jeans and inspects the wide, open space with interest. There's a broad archway that leads into a dining room at the far end of the long room, but the living room itself is probably big enough to fit most of her apartment in. It's decorated in light creams, yellows and reds and it feels cleaner than any room Lexa has ever been in before. There are several slim, comfortable couches and a glass coffee table with magazines arranged artfully across the surface. The whole apartment is quiet. In her own home there is a constant buzz of noise, the traffic from the street outside or music from the bar at the end of the block or their neighbours passing the door and it's almost unnerving to be so surrounded by silence.

Her gaze is caught by the fireplace, all dark stone and marble and she wanders slowly towards it, taking a moment to inspect the childhood photos on the mantelpiece before her attention is drawn down to a large vase of flowers in the empty space where flames would flicker in winter. They're bright and beautiful and she lets herself reach out and run a thumb over the petal of a lily.

Thunderous footsteps racing down the stairs draw her attention and she darts away from the flowers guiltily, looking up in time to see Clarke, breathless and beaming in the doorway.

She feels immediately underdressed, but it's not a new feeling. Clarke's text had told her this was just a family brunch, nothing formal and so she'd pulled on her best jeans and a light blue shirt, a thin sweater thrown over the top to ward off the autumn chill. Clarke, however, is wearing a light dress and a pair of dark heels, her hair thrown into some complicated twist of braids that is artfully arranged to look casual. There are even fresh flowers woven between her golden strands and Lexa can't help but stare.

"What?" Clarke falters in the doorway, looking down at herself. "Is something wrong? Do I look bad?"

"No, you look..." she fumbles to find the right word, "wonderful. I just thought you said this was casual."

"It is." Clarke quirks her eyebrow, quizzically and Lexa looks pointedly down at her own outfit. "Oh don't be silly," Clarke rolls her eyes, stepping fully into the room to grab her by the hand and tug her away into the corridor again. "You look perfect."

“Your kind of perfect?” She asks wryly as she is led up the curving staircase, surrounded by more cut flowers and large landscapes. “Or the good kind?”

At the top of the staircase Clarke turns and Lexa has to come to an abrupt halt to stop from running into her. “My kind is the good kind.” She tells her and Clarke sounds so certain, so firm and resolute that Lexa’s eyes widen even as the girl turns around and continues on through the long corridors.

She follows her silently, but she takes in the many doors that sit off the corridor. She counts five before Clarke pushes one open and she can’t help but wonder what could possibly be behind them, Clarke lives with only her mother, who is barely ever home and yet their apartment is like a labyrinth.

Clarke pauses in the doorway, turning to look at her and she sees, to her surprise, a glimmer of nervousness in her eyes. “This is my room,” she tells her, quietly and Lexa nods once.

Her stare is curious when Clarke steps aside and lets her inside, roving around the room to take in everything that fills it. It isn’t a small space by any means, but it’s so filled with stuff that it feels… not small, but cosy.

The large double bed is covered in a light blue coverlet and an array of cushions and one of the bedside tables is piled high with books. Some of them- the ones at the bottom- are school books, but the rest are books on mythology and art and paperbacks with creased spines and curled pages. The bed is covered with bits of paper and a few clothes and as she steps further in she notices that the high mirror is surrounded by pictures of people that Lexa recognises from school, selfies with Octavia and Raven, their faces creased with laughter; pictures of Clarke on Bellamy’s back, her tongue out; laughing snapshots of she and her friends on vacation; even pencil sketches of friends and families.

The click of the door shutting behind her draws her eyes away and she turns to see Clarke watching her carefully, lingering near the door.

"Do you like it?" She sounds oddly vulnerable and open, and Lexa tries to put her at ease, nodding with a small smile, hand reaching out to trail across the soft coverlet as she speaks.

"Yeah, it's beautiful." Fingers brush against the fur of a small stuffed rabbit, sat against the pillows looking slightly ragged and limp and she turns, cocking an eyebrow teasingly at the blonde. "Friend of yours?"

Clarke's slight flush is almost endearing and she hurries forward, grabbing the rabbit and hugging it to her chest even as she smiles. "Hey, lay off Peter."

"Peter?" Lexa echoes, laughter in her voice and Clarke rolls her eyes, dropping the rabbit back onto the bed and following it with a slight humph, kicking up her heeled shoes onto the bed, ignoring the clothes she is crushing beneath her body.

"Quit it, my dad read me Peter Rabbit when I was a kid and I got hooked. I used to make the nanny read it to me every day, twice."

"Twice?" She almost chokes on the word, shaking her head as she wanders closer towards the head of the bed. "Wow, you weren't kidding around."

"I never kid about rabbits, Lexa." She's so serious, so deadpan that for a second Lexa is stumped, hesitating where she stands, but Clarke's mask cracks and she giggles, patting the space beside her invitingly. "Joke. Sit down, you don't always have to stand on ceremony."

"You sure about that?" She sits regardless, perching on the edge of the bed and leaning down to tug off her boots before propping her feet up on the bed, reclining back against the multitude of cushions and turning so that she can look at Clarke.

"What do you mean?" Clarke shifts, turning so that she can lean on her elbow and look at Lexa through eyes that are so blue they remind Lexa of the pictures of tropical seas she's seen in National Geographic.

"Well your apartment is kind of like a museum," She stares at the ceiling, tracing the patterns of the intricate plasterwork and hoping that Clarke doesn't take offence.

Beside her the girl sighs and nods, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Not here though," Lexa can't resist turning again to look at her, watching the way that blue eyes flicker away before venturing up to meet hers again from under long eyelashes. Clarke is unimaginably different here, lying against her bed and murmuring childhood stories to Lexa. She is open and innocent and incredibly vulnerable, as far from the high heeled girl who strides down the corridors of St Anne's as it's possible to be, and Lexa struggles for a moment to find what to say. "This room is different, more alive than the rest of the house."

"Thanks," Clarke's smile is small but genuine and a twinkle flashes in her eye, a return to the confidence that Lexa knows when she asks, teasingly. "And what's your room like?" She wiggles her eyebrows and Lexa guffaws so loudly that it makes Clarke snort inelegantly.

"Easy there," she returns, playfully, "it's our first date. I normally wait until at least date two to take a girl to my room."

"Well I guess I'll just have to pray for a second date then," Clarke's smile is slight and coy, tweaking at the corners of her lips teasingly and Lexa is momentarily entranced, eyes fixed to the plump and roll of her pink lips before a knock on the door cracks through the room like a whip.

They both turn, startled and flushing, to see the maid sticking her head around the door. She eyes them both suspiciously, before finally settling her gaze on Clarke and saying, haughtily, "Miss Clarke, your mother is here and brunch will be served soon."

"Thank you Martha," Clarke swings her feet off the bed, standing easily and striding over to mirror to fluff at her hair.

"Should we go?" Lexa pulls on her boots again, trepidation creeping up from her stomach. Clarke shakes her head, leaning in close to the mirror to check her makeup.

"No, let her wait. I'm forever waiting for her."

It doesn't seem like the healthiest of relationships, but Lexa lets it pass anyway, shrugging and shaking her head as she settles back to sit on the bed again. Her gaze is caught by a picture on Clarke's bedside table, beside a glass of water and a small, retro style radio; caught in a frame, the image that stares out at her is bright and colourful and Lexa is momentarily captured by it. Clarke is obviously young, maybe nine or ten, and sat on a bench beside a man who has the same eyes as her. They are both laughing, caught in a candid because Clarke is pointing at her father and he has ice cream from the cone in his hands smeared against the tip of his nose. Clarke looks younger, hair braided down her back simply, in shorts and a pink shirt and there is a carefree joy in her eyes that Lexa has never seen before.

"Is this your dad?"

Clarke freezes, halfway through applying her lip gloss and slowly screws the cap back on before she paces round to her side of the bed, peering down at the picture though it is clear that she knows what Lexa is talking about.

"Yeah, that's him." Her voice is soft and quiet and when Lexa turns to look back at her she is running the ear of the rabbit between her thumb and fingers, a subconscious, comforting habit.

"What happened to him?" She speaks lowly, afraid to break the quiet between them.

"He died." She sounds curt and matter of fact and the rabbit falls back onto the bed as she stands a little straighter, staring down at Lexa with regal expectancy. "Ready? We have to scar my mother, remember?"

"Of course.”

At her bedroom door Clarke turns, holding out an expectant hand, and when their fingers twine together Lexa feels a flush run through her at the sight of Clarke's thumb curled possessively atop her own.

Abby Griffin looks Lexa up and down when she walks down the stairs beside her daughter. She stands imperiously, in heels so high that she towers over them both when they reach the bottom. Her skirt suit is all sharp edges, a dark blue that is almost feminine, but not quite, and long brown hair is curled gently to fall over her shoulders, softening the whole look just slightly.

She smiles - a small, thin affair that seems as forced as it is fake - and looks to Clarke.

"Hello, darling," there's a very faint twang in her voice, an accent that Lexa thinks could be from New England.

"Mother," Clarke leans forward and places a Hollywood style kiss against her mother's cheek, backing away quickly to stand beside Lexa again. She is slightly taller in her heels and when her hand comes to rest on the small of Lexa's back she almost does a double take, blinking when she is nudged forwards. "This is Lexa, my girlfriend."

Abby's brows quirk, just briefly and she enquires, lightly, "Girlfriend?"

"Yes," Clarke squares her shoulders, head held high, clearly ready for battle but Abby just eyes them both for a moment before smiling wanly and holding out a hand in Lexa's direction.

"I see. It’s nice to meet you, Lexa." There's an amused glint in her eyes and her manicured nails press against Lexa's skin when her hand clasps around Lexa's; it doesn't hurt but Lexa is startled by the feeling and her eyes dart up to meet Abby's.

"You too, Mrs Griffin."

"Please, Abby." She steps back, looking to the side and holding out a hand invitingly to someone. "This is Marcus Kane, my partner."

"Her boyfriend," Clarke inputs, bluntly as a man emerges from the closet, smiling at them openly and taking the hand that Abby has outstretched.

Abby shoots her an irritated glance and Lexa watches from the corner of her eye as Clarke crosses her arms with a slight huff. Marcus doesn't seem bothered however and for a moment Lexa wonders if he is simply an idiot who didn't pick up on Clarke's blatant dislike for him, but she catches sight of his amused eyes as he speaks. "Good to see you too, Clarke."

They stand there quietly, waiting for a moment, before Abby gestures towards the rest of the apartment with a polite smile. "Shall we? I've been informed that brunch will be served momentarily."

Marcus and Abby precede them and she feels the breath rush out of her body when they turn away. A hand clasps hers and when she turns Clarke's face is set with determination.

"You're not going to make this easy, are you?" She mutters, quietly as Clarke begins to lead her through the apartment.

Clarke's eyes flicker to hers and she raises an eyebrow, "When do I ever?"

----

Her mother seems to have brought her A-game today.

Clarke stirs her spoon around the combination of yogurt and berries in her crystal bowl, pushing the morsels of food back and forth until the yogurt is pink and the berries are nothing more than a crushed mess. She watches resentfully from the other side of Lexa as her mother spoons fruit into her own bowl, piercing pieces of pineapple and peach with a silver fork as Lexa picks at her parfait anxiously.

"And you're going to college, Lexa?" Abby asks, smoothly and Clarke notices Lexa swallow nervously, hands reaching out for her glass of water.

"Yes, I'm actually hoping to go to Yale." Clarke tries not to seem too surprised, schooling her expression quickly though Abby's eyes dart to her rapidly. "I've applied for early admittance, hopefully into one of the scholarship programmes."

"Wonderful," Her mother gushes and Lexa shifts uncomfortably on the chair beside her, shrugging awkwardly. "And what will you study?"

"I'm hoping to major in poli  science." Lexa replies, fingers running around the rim of her glass.

"Very good," Abby seems impressed, nodding and her eyes flicker over to Clarke. "Any way that you could persuade my daughter to sort out her admissions forms? I've been asking her for weeks."

"You've had an answer," Clarke snaps, abruptly, dropping her spoon so that it rattles against the bowl loudly.

"Not one that I'll accept, dear." Abby answers mildly, smiling wanly at her but there's a fierce glint in her eyes that Clarke recognises well.

"I'm sure that Clarke will make the decision that's right for her soon enough," Lexa puts in, after a moment of tense silence. "It normally takes a while to choose, I was just lucky that I knew what I wanted from freshman year."

"Are you going to change the world, Lexa?" Marcus asks and though he's clearly well meaning, there's a patronising edge to his voice that makes Clarke bristle.

When she opens her mouth to bite back, however, Lexa cuts through her. "I'm pretty sure that everybody who goes to college wants to change the world."

"Very true.”

"Who are your parents, Lexa?" Abby cuts the fruit in her bowl into smaller pieces. "Are you new to the area? I don't think we've ever seen you at any of the society gatherings?"

"No," Lexa hesitates, "you wouldn't have. I live in Brooklyn with my mom, she works as a secretary for a small, local building firm and I waitress part time."

Abby blinks at her, clearly startled and for a moment the silence returns, blanketing them like fresh snow before her mother finally unfreezes and says, voice stilted. "I see."

Clarke can't help but smile when she cuts a glance at Lexa and sees while  her eyes downcast a satisfied smirk is lingering at the edges of her lips.

----

At the door, her mother turns to Lexa with a raised eyebrow and says, amusement lacing through her voice. "Well then Lexa, I expect we won't be seeing you again?"

"Oh, why not?" Lexa frowns, perplexed as she takes her coat from Martha, wrapping it over her arm.

"Well," Abby glances at Clarke, smiling slightly, "Clarke has made her point now."

"My point?" Her voice raises high as she echoes her mother's words, furious and outraged. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Language," Abby reprimands Clarke offhandedly, "Please, darling, you and I both know that Lexa is not really your girlfriend. You just brought her here to upset me, no offence meant Lexa."

Clarke gapes, flabbergasted by her mother's calm acknowledgement and she fumbles for her words, stuttering to try to find a way to salvage the situation when a hand slides around Clarke's waist and pulls her abruptly closer, until she is pressed against Lexa's side, flush with her body.

"Excuse me Mrs Griffin, but I happen to like your daughter very much," Lexa's eyes flicker to hers for a moment, creased with irritation. "I don't appreciate your implication that we are anything but real. We've been together for a few weeks now."

"Really, dear if you expect me to believe that-"

Her mother's voice falls flat when Lexa spins her around to press their lips together, hands tightening around her waist. Clarke gasps in surprise into the touch, before her hands snake up around Lexa's neck, touch hesitant and uncertain, the soft press to her mouth taking her breath away as a tongue brushes against her lips teasingly for a moment, before they break away, and she is immensely glad for Lexa's arm around her waist, holding her up.

Abby blinks at them, looking between them with growing alarm, and Clarke smiles in satisfaction before stepping away from Lexa, their hands still intertwined as she tugs gently. "Come on, Lex, let me show you out."

They retreat to the elevator together and it's only when the door slides shut on the frozen figure of her mother that Clarke lets out a snort of laughter, shaking her head.

"Oh god, that was genius Lexa." Leaning up onto her toes, shoes long abandoned- much to her mother’s chagrin- she presses a kiss to Lexa's cheek and the girl smiles, clearly pleased with herself. "That was brilliant, did you see her face? She's was so mad!"

"Your mother is a piece of work," Lexa raises an eyebrow as the elevator doors slide open for them and they step out into the foyer.

"Tell me about it." She slides her hand into Lexa's, pulling her to a stop before she can head for the door, lowering her voice so that the doorman can't hear. "So, do you mind doing this for a little while longer?"

"Did it seem like I minded?" Lexa smirks at her and Clarke rolls her eyes, slapping lightly at her arm.

"I can compensate you for your time, if you’re passing up on shifts or anything. And for travelling into the city.” She reassures her and Lexa stiffens, frowning.

"No, no it's fine." She laughs awkwardly, the sound forced and stilted. "I think your earlier payment covered at least two dates, anyway."

"Okay," She draws the word out uncertainly, watching Lexa with confused eyes before shrugging, "Well listen, my mom will ask around at school so as far as anyone knows we're together, okay?"

"Sounds good," Lexa pulls on her coat, digging her hands deeply into the pockets, "I should go, I have a shift that starts at one."

"Okay, I'll see you on Monday then?" At Lexa's nod she smiles and presses another kiss to her cheek, hands curling around her arm and squeezing again before she steps back, waving once as Lexa makes her way towards the door.

It's only in the elevator that she checks her phone and realises that it's not even midday yet.

----

The hairs on the back of her neck are prickling. Beneath her clammy fingers the spines of her books feel strange and slick and Lexa huddles into her locker, hoping to avoid the eyes that she can feel fixed on her. She’s not used to attention from her classmates, has happily flown under the radar for as long as she’s been going to this school, but now her uniform feels suddenly itchy and starched and she’s distinctly aware that she didn’t put on any eyeliner today.

People’s gazes have been following her all day. The moment she stepped through the wrought iron gates, only a few minutes before the bell, she felt eyes on her. In algebra Matthew Conrad had stared at her through most of the class and she’d caught Cathy Redbred actually craning her neck from the first row to gape at her during second period philosophy class. Her cheeks are pink from the attention and she bundles her books into her arms in an effort to appear invisible.

She only barely makes it to history in time, even with the clearer corridors and she’s halfway to her seat when an all too familiar voice calls out her name.

“Lexa!”

It pulls her to a stop as surely as a tether and she stumbles to a halt, lifting her head from her books to blink at Clarke owlishly. She’s managed to avoid the blonde all day, up until now, and she’s frustrated to see that Clarke looks as beautiful as ever: all sparkling eyes and ringleted hair, accompanied by the effortless confidence of someone who knows that they can have whatever they want.

Clarke is patting the space beside her, which has been suddenly and conveniently cleared. Lexa takes a moment to look at her old spot near the back of the class, but it’s now occupied by Clarke’s old desk mate and Lexa has too many eyes on her throughout the day to start picking a fight. Besides, Clarke’s desk is next to the window, so Lexa sinks reluctantly into the space.

“Hey,” Clarke leans her head against her elbow, watching Lexa as she unloads her things neatly across the desk. “I haven’t seen you all day.”

“It’s barely midday,” Lexa desperately avoids her gaze, even though Clarke’s eyes on her feel distinctly different to the whispered glances that have been following her all day.

“You didn’t text me over the weekend, kind of thought you might be mad.”

Clarke doesn’t mince her words at least and Lexa’s distinctly grateful for that even as she carefully straightens her pencils.

“Not mad, just busy sorry.”

“Busy?” Lexa’s eyes are finally drawn to Clarke’s and she startles to see the blonde’s eyes fixed on her still, her voice carefully light.

“I was working,” Now that she has met Clarke’s eyes she can’t quite bring herself to look away.

“Oh, cool.” Clarke hesitates for a moment and Lexa uses the respite to drag her eyes away. She takes her pen and writes the date in the margin of her notebook. “Are you working tonight?”

She feels as if she knows what’s coming, but Lexa shakes her head quietly.

“Well…” Clarke sounds strangely nervous, “Do you want to get together tonight?”

“I have to study,” Lexa glances at her from beneath her eyelashes. It feels terribly tentative between them, as if at any moment they could shatter apart and she isn’t quite sure whether she wants it to or not.

“That’s okay,” Clarke brightens, “So do I, want to have a study date?”

Lexa fumbles over her words, distracted by the light of Clarke’s happy smile and the softness in her eyes. “I um… I guess.”

“Come on babe,” Clarke’s hand settles over hers on the desk and Lexa’s breath stutters from her throat. “I miss you.”

“I, um…” The door swings open to reveal Mr Walding and as the class falls into an expectant, respectful hush, Lexa is only able to nod. Clarke’s fingers tighten around hers briefly, before she pulls her hand away to start writing.

---

She shouldn’t really be surprised that a study date at Clarke’s penthouse apartment consists of luxurious cushions laid out over her bed, bowls of snacks peppered across the room and two tall glasses of iced tea, the condensation gathering to drip down the outside of the glass. Clarke is already studying, laid out across the bed on her stomach, with a pillow shoved beneath her and an open book, upon which sits her phone, when the housekeeper shows Lexa in.

Clarke perks up when the door swings open, beaming at Lexa as she hitches herself further up on the bed.

“Hi! You came!”

“You asked me to,” Lexa smiles weakly, hesitating in the doorway as her eyes swing from the desk- upon which are piles of books, basically unused- and the bed. “Sorry, lacrosse took longer than usual.”

“It’s okay,” Clarke lounges across the bed, pushing her hair out of her eyes and patting the bed. “I didn’t even know you played until you mentioned practice.”

Taking her cue, Lexa pads over and toes off her shoes at the bottom of the bed, gathering a few books into her hands and setting onto the mattress uncertainly as she says. “It looks good on college applications.”

“So you don’t like it?” Clarke twirls her pen in her hands, watching her with blue eyes wide with curiosity.

“No,” Lexa glances down at her binders, blushing a little, “I like it. It’s fun and I’m good, plus it’s nice to feel involved in something at school.”

“Wow, so you’re telling me the great Lexa Woods actually has something she enjoys?” Lexa opens her mouth to protest but when she sees Clarke’s teasing eyes and half smile, she snaps her mouth shut, gathering her hands in her lap and replying primly.

“I like things.”

“Really, like what?” Clarke rolls her eyes, “Studying?”

“Clearly more than you,” Lexa glances pointedly down to the phone placed between her pages and Clarke’s cheeks colour delightfully in response.

“I- I was looking something up.” At Lexa’s grin she relaxes just slightly, tugging on her arm to encourage her further onto the bed. “Maybe you should teach me how to study.”

“Clarke you’re not an idiot, it’s clear that you know how to study.” Lexa arches an eyebrow, settling back into the cushioned bedhead and Clarke wriggles up to join her,

“You don’t know that, I might be in great need of a tutor.”

“You get excellent grades,” Lexa opens her books in her lap, glancing down at the page of algebra questions with distaste before uncapping her pen.

“Oh god, you’re doing the algebra homework. I was hoping to pretend that wasn’t happening.” Clarke groans loudly, resting her head so carelessly against Lexa’s shoulder that Lexa hopes she doesn’t feel how she tenses up.

“The earlier we get it done the better,” Lexa fidgets with her pencil, staring at the questions intently and trying to ignore the hot tickles of Clarke’s breath against her neck.

“You know,” Clarke is still unnecessarily close to her, and her voice is suddenly low and slightly husky. “When you proposed a study date I didn’t think there would actually be any studying.” Her lips brush against Lexa’s neck and Lexa freezes beneath her, her eyes widening and her heart rabbiting in her chest.

“I don’t… that’s not why I came here.” She speaks in a rush, her cheeks hot and embarrassment curling in her stomach. “I just thought we could study together.”

Clarke pulls back to look at her and Lexa tries not to squirm under her intense gaze. Her eyes travel across Lexa’s face slowly and thoughtfully, trying to read how serious she is and what she sees must satisfy her because she finally nods.

“Okay Lex, we can study.” To Lexa’s relief she pulls away until their arms only brush when they both go to write. Clarke adds a few numbers to her sheet and then glances at Lexa from below her lashes, “but if anyone asks we made out violently.”

Lexa can’t help the grin that pulls at her lips, “Violently?”

“Mmhm,” Clarke spins her pencil again. “I fell off the bed.”

---

The housekeeper calls upstairs once Abby arrives home, but at the sight of Clarke’s pursed lips and determinedly uninterested expression, Lexa stays quiet and goes back to explaining equations to the blonde leaning against her side. When Abby appears a few minutes later, giving the door a cursory knock before pushing it open to come to a stop in the doorway, Clarke leans closer to her.

“Oh, Lexa, I didn’t know you were here.” Abby’s mask of politeness slams immediately into place, but Lexa can’t help the thrill of satisfaction she feels at the sight of shock that precedes it.

“We’re studying mom,” Clarke supplies, chin tilting up stubbornly, “What do you want?”

Abby arches an eyebrow, “Only to pop by and remind you that we have to be at the Blake’s for six thirty tonight. You should probably start to get ready.”

“You’re going out?” Lexa’s eyes dart to Clarke and she begins to swing her legs over the side of the bed. “I’ll go.”

“No,” Clarke’s hand against her arm stops her and Lexa is surprised to find that her gaze is soft, “I want you to stay,” expression hardening, she turns back to her mother. “Can’t you make my excuses at the Blake’s? We go there every week, they won’t mind if I miss one.”

Abby’s lips press into a thin line, “No Clarke, that’s rude.”

“But-”

“Don’t argue with me Clarke,” Abby sneaks an anxious look at Lexa, who reaches out to take Clarke’s hand and squeeze it gently, drawing her attention back down.

“It’s okay,” Lexa tells her earnestly, “I need to get home and start on dinner anyway.” Clarke’s face falls and Lexa sees Abby’s lips draw up into a slight victorious smile from the corner of her eyes. She feels irritation curl in her belly, the only real explanation for why she leans forward and catches Clarke’s lips in a soft, tender kiss.

The blonde surrenders immediately into her embrace, fingers tightening around hers and Lexa allows herself the briefest of moments to enjoy the innocence of warm lips moving against her own, the intimate brush of cheeks and floral scent of Clarke’s perfume before finally breaking away.

She’s aware that Abby is watching them, but doesn’t tear her eyes away from Clarke as she speaks. “Have fun tonight, I’ll talk to you later.”

She slides her feet into her school shoes as Clarke seems to find her breath again, her cheeks dusted with a dusky rose.

“Text me when you get home?” Clarke calls after her as she starts out of the room and Lexa nods over her shoulder, slipping awkwardly past Abby in the door.

“See you again Mrs Griffin.”

“I’m sure I will Lexa.”

---

[a-solitary-marshmallow]

Please Don’t See Me - Chapter 14/14

“FORD!”

The scientist in question snatched his hand back, just before the carnivorous plant he had been studying snapped at him with a second slime-coated mouth. A second mouth! It was located under the bulbous head’s primary maw, smaller but sharing the larger one’s distinctive jutting spines that seemed to function like teeth – hooked back to prevent prey from getting away. The infant plant was only as long as his forearm but when it was fully-grown the secondary mouth could easily be large enough to pick up small mammals from the forest floor, maybe even large raccoons or the occasional gnome.

Hmm. They might make for good pest control. Ford studied where the plant’s stem met the forest floor, trying to ascertain how deep the roots ran. If he could get his hands on a pair of good, sturdy gloves for protection he might be able to replant it in a pot and take it back to his lab for further testing. That would certainly be easier than trying to run tests on the fully-grown specimens dotting the forest. How old was this one, anyway? Ford pulled out his tape measure to record its size.

Stan slapped his hand away when it neared the hissing plant. “Don’t touch it! Didn’t you just say this thing was poisonous?”

“Venomous, not poisonous.” Ford corrected.

“You know what I mean.”

Ford waved away his brother’s concerns. “Don’t worry, it’s only a juvenile. Its venom hasn’t developed enough to do any damage. The worst it’ll do is itch.”

“I still wouldn’t be touching it if I were you.” Stan said doubtfully, hunkering down next to Ford to get a good look at the creature. The plant hissed and spat at them and generally made a nuisance of itself.

Ford smirked. “Look Stanley, it’s just as friendly as you are.”

“Hey!” Stan brandished a finger in Ford’s face. “I’m a friendly guy! Just not to weird-ass plants that try to bite my brother’s hand off.”

“It’s not like you didn’t try to bite my hand off when I reached for the ice cream yesterday.”

“Fuck you Ford, I called dibs and you know it.”

Ford rolled his eyes, reaching for the spade in his pack. He’d missed the easy banter between them. It had been missing during the whole Rebus fiasco, obviously; there was only so much sarcasm a wolf could convey through its eyes alone, and only so much a scientist could babble to his canine friend without it being… just sad. Even once the brothers had reconciled, Stan’s mind restored, Ford had worried that after nearly ten years apart the differences between them were far to great to bridge.

But in seemingly no time, Ford had fallen back quickly into the habit of trading quips and joking insults, laughs and rolled eyes and body language that sometimes spoke more than words. It felt far more natural than the forced conversations he’d attempted to make during his time in college. Ford had forgotten the comfort of having his brother nearby.

Of course, an adjustment period was necessary – perhaps made longer by the added factor of Stan readjusting to having a human shape. It was rather concerning, the number of times the man would forget to cook his food and instead tear into it raw and bloody. The first time that had happened Ford had been in the kitchen as well, and he’d stared with popping eyes as Stan nonchalantly sank his teeth into a raw steak.

Stan had hesitated, chewing slowly and swallowing before speaking in his gravelly voice, not bothering to wipe away a trail of blood rolling down his chin.

“…okay, yeah, I see what I did there.”

And of course, they were wildly different people who were bound to have disagreements. It had taken Ford quite some time to convince Stan that while they may argue, he was in no danger of losing his family again. He wouldn’t be sent away, punished or abandoned again. Not while Ford was still breathing.

The plant’s hiss brought him back to the moment. Ford frowned, considering his plan of action, before settling on the plain approach. They could simply carry the thing home.

“Can you get out one of the sample bags? I want to bring this specimen to my lab and they should be large enough to hold its roots.”

Stan rifled through the pack while Ford sized up the agitated plant. He would be able to dig up the roots if the darn thing would stay still! He would have to design some kind of muzzle appropriate for two mouths when they got it back to the house.

Ford made a lunge for the creature, trapping its stalk against the ground with one hand so it couldn’t bite him as he dug up its roots. The plant snapped at him fruitlessly. Ford quickly loosened up the soil enough to lift the whole thing and settle it roots-first in the awaiting sample bag.

Stan groused at having to carry the plant all the way home (one hand gripping behind its head, obviously, to stop it from biting). The whining was pretty unfair considering Stan had demanded to carry it so he could keep an eye on the snappish thing, but Ford supposed he could appreciate the intent.

(…on the other hand, that left Ford to carry the heavy pack. He was beginning to think that this wasn’t a purely altruistic move on Stan’s part.)

“When I took the job I didn’t realize ‘research assistant’ meant ‘gardener’.”

“I don’t pay you to whine, Stanley.”

“You don’t pay me.” Stan countered.

“Oh – don’t I?” Ford could have sworn he had been. Stan tended to handle the money so Ford had just… assumed that Stan was receiving some of it. He frowned. “Why don’t I pay you?”

“’Cause I live in your house? That’s kinda payment enough.”

“No it’s not!”

“It was when you thought I was a wolf.”

Ford spluttered. “That – that’s because you were a wolf. Wolves don’t need to be paid to act as research assistants-”

“Oh, are you saying wolves don’t deserve to be paid equal wages?” Stan shook his head in mock disappointment. “Gosh, Ford. My own brother-”

“Oh, shut up! You know what I mean!”

Stan snickered. He only laughed harder when Ford punched him lightly in the shoulder, careful not to jostle the creature in his grasp.

Ford glanced at his watch, taking note of the time. At this pace they would reach home well before dark. Maybe they should take a detour to check on the size-altering crystals? Ford had covered the Warped crystal with a tarp to prevent the light reaching it, but he really should check that the covering was still in place after the blustering winds that had recently swept through. He didn’t want any unsuspecting forest life to wander into its beam.

Then again, that could wait for another day, and they had a carnivorous plant to re-house.

“…I really do need to pay you, though.” Ford muttered as they walked.

“You really don’t.” Stan shrugged. “I’m not doing anything useful anyway.”

The nonchalance with which he spoke made Ford want to sigh. Stan never acknowledged his own value or input! Ford wanted to shove it down his throat and force his brother to acknowledge that he was important, goddammit!

For the moment, he settled on arguing his point.

“Shopping for food is useful; plus, the people in town know you better than me and I’ve been living here for years, so you’re basically handling public appearance. And collecting data from my monitors is useful.”

“That’s just walking and taking readings.” Stan argued right back. “A monkey could do that data-collection stuff.”

“Babysitting Tate while Fiddleford and I are busy is useful.”

“The kid’s easy, he just wants to spend time with a dog all day.”

“Defending the house from griffins is useful.” Especially since they seemed to have it out for the Pines twins and would come by every so often with claws and beaks bared.

“You woulda just found a better way to keep ‘em away.”

Ford gritted his teeth. “You handle the money and pay the bills.”

“It’s your grant money, I just budget it.”

“Exactly! That is exactly what I should pay you for!” Ford flung up his arms in exasperation. Stan merely shrugged, and – smirked? He was enjoying Ford’s misery! “Ugh, whatever.”

Stan continued to look smug. Ford silently resolved to start paying him, even if he had to sneak the money into his brother’s bank account. Or just leave some around the house. Apparently Stan was too proud to accept payment but the guy never passed up an opportunity to take it if it was there.

“…anyway, about the whole money thing, I was thinking.” Stan mumbled, a little more subdued. Ford glanced across.

“Yes?”

“Eh – well, y’know how there are so many cool things around here? If Pa’d let us come, we woulda loved it here when we were kids.”

Ford imagined himself as a child – bright-eyed and eager to learn, marveling at everything around him – and was inclined to agree.

“And just yesterday you were sayin’ about how no one appreciates this stuff. Really, I’m kinda surprised no one’s made something of this place before, snatched it up for a tourist attraction. I was thinking that it would be pretty cool to give… tours or something?”

Ford opened his mouth but his brother was already rushing ahead, a nervous scowl affixed to his face.

“It’s all good if you don’t want me to – probably something about the scientific integrity of the place or whatever – but, it’s kinda something I’m good at. Tours, selling stuff, talking to people, that stuff. A-And I know you love teaching people about things, so if you wanted to help? Like, write up information sheets or – or do classes or whatever. Obviously I’d be spinning some yarns, that’s the fun of these places, but I know people would love to see some of the weird stuff here and actually learn about it too, so I dunno, I think it would be cool?”

All of this was said rather quickly, with few breaths taken in between, so when Stan finally ran out of things to say he took a few heavy breaths. Ford blinked and took a few moments to process this.

“Stan, are you asking my permission to open a tourist trap?”

The werewolf cringed, grip tightening fractionally around the uselessly-wriggling plant creature. “No, ‘course not. I’m just… seein’ if you’d be open to the idea.”

“Well…” Ford adjusted the straps of his pack. “So long as it doesn’t interfere with my research, I think it’s quite an interesting prospect. It would be nice to be able to share some of the things I’ve learned. If you think you can pull it off I believe you. You don’t need my permission, of course, but you certainly have my support.”

“Wait, really?”

Ford laughed as his brother perked up. That was another thing he’d had to adjust to since their reunion – canines tended to express themselves heavily through body language and Stan had apparently picked up that trait. He had no tail at the moment but from the straight posture and slight vibrating, Ford imagined it would be wagging.

“’Cause I’ve got so many ideas.” Stanley gushed. “I was thinking I could get a place set up, probably in the woods closer to town – maybe contract that lumberjack guy you talked about to built it? Anyways, I’d fill it with attractions, some of the cool shit that lives around here. Like, you know that weird-ass bird we saw the other day, the one you said we shouldn’t bother to look into?”

“Having a second head is a fairly common mutation. I’ve studied several animals with that phenotype in my time here.”

“People eat that stuff up, Ford! And I could do tours around some of the harmless places – and charge a pretty penny for it too. You know how many shmucks are happy to get ripped off by dodgy fake tourist attractions? And this one would be real! I’d have a source of income, and you’d have somewhere to put the stuff you’ve finished researching, and people to teach if you want to. Plus this crummy town could use some tourists to give business a boost.”

Wow. Stan had evidently thought this whole thing out – and the excitement was contagious. Ford wondered if this was how his brother felt, when he himself became giddy about a new finding or breakthrough. Stan was grinning like a kid.

Ford laughed and elbowed him playfully. “It’s a sound plan. And it’s nice to see you’re putting aside your history with Dan. You growled at him last time we came across him – you weren’t yourself then, of course.”

Stan shot him a weird look. “Who?”

“Dan. The lumberjack.” Stan continued to look confused. “Matilda’s boyfriend?”

All at once the werewolf’s eyes widened. “The shovel guy.”

“Er – shovel?”

“He hit me with a shovel.”                                                    

“Oh.” Ford had almost forgotten the circumstances of their meeting, with himself rescuing Stan from being beaten to death. Ah – with what he knew now, the situation seemed a lot more dire. He strongly resisted the urge to grab up a shovel and see how Boyish Dan like being smacked into the ground.

Obviously Dan didn’t know it was a person he had assaulted, not a wolf, but still. It would make Ford feel better.

When no words came to him, Ford said the first thing on his mind. “Didn’t you try to eat his mother’s dog?”

“Dog? Fuckin’ thing was more of a bug than a dog. I was starving anyway, gimme a break!”

“I’m not judging. Anyway, I’ve seen you try to eat so many things-”

“Can it, Poindexter.”

Ford began to count on his fingers. “Squirrels, gnomes, the mayor’s hairpiece, our father, my kitchen cupboard, a whole watermelon for some reason-”

“I was outta my mind for half of those!”

“My phone, the multibear somehow, several lemons – why you kept coming back to them after knowing you hated them remains a mystery to me–”

They arrived back at the house before Ford could continue his list.

“We should get this thing planted before it dies or somethin’.” Stan shuffled the plant around in his arms to hold it more comfortably, ignoring its hiss of displeasure. “Where do you want it?”

“The porch should be fine. I don’t know how much energy it gets from its prey as opposed to the sun ­– it might need sunlight to live.”

“Right. You got a pot around? I can get Chompy here planted while you find something to stop it biting anyone who gets close.”

“’Chompy’? You named the plant?”

“You were too slow.”

Well, Ford couldn’t argue with that logic. He’d just have to be faster with the next creature they came across. They had a lifetime, after all, to squabble about names – among other things.

 (For example, whether Ford was terrible for pretending to toss Stan the car keys but hiding them behind his back instead. It took Stan an embarrassingly long time to realize and once he did, Ford could barely see the withering glare he received through his snickering.)

(That evening, in revenge, Stan fell asleep on the couch lying across several of Ford’s books. Upon attempts to remove him Stan simply shifted into a wolf and thus became heavier and harder to move.)

(But these are stories for another time.)

[coeurdastronaute]

Essays in Existentialism: Rivals II

Previously on Rivals

There really wasn’t anything to be nervous about. Why should she be nervous when she’d already spent two nights in the same bed as a complete stranger and player for the opposite team. That was weird, but going on a date was incredibly normal. It was the most normal part of the timeline of their entire flirtation, and yet, Clarke was slightly antsy. 

The nerves might have stemmed from the lying. 

It wasn’t really mentioned when her friends asked her what her plans were for the weekend. Vaguely, she insisted that there was some family stuff she had to do and kept out of the conversations about meeting up, much to the dismay of a few voices. But the lies were made easier by the proximity to winter break. If she told them what she was really doing, she’d never hear the end of it from Octavia, and that was a fight she didn’t want to have. She’d never get over Bellamy’s sad eyes. She’d have to listen to Raven rail about this and that, and why not avoid it if she could?

In the end, lying felt right and easy and when everyone gave up trying to figure out when she’d be able to do something, instead chalking it up to a complete family weekend, she relaxed. 

Maybe her nerves stemmed from the intensive dive into Lexa’s scant social media presence, strictly for science. 

The very night she got home from the state championship trip, she laid in her bed and did the only normal thing she could think of doing-- looking into a certain Lexa Woods, all while texting the star kicker deep into the night. 

And though she didn’t find much, she did see that Lexa was too cute and it was going to be a problem. Candids taken by friends of her in weird positions, reading. With glasses. Adorable glasses. Pictures hiking with her family. Camping with her little brother. Volunteering at the Special Olympics. Record shopping. Camping. Running. Biking. Studying film. Dressed up for a family wedding. 

It spanned her entire high school life, and Clarke learned that she was an outdoorsy person who seemed too good to be true. She had a crush on a stranger she slept with-- twice. 

Yes, that was where her nerves came from, Clarke decided as she heard the doorbell chime downstairs before she gave herself a once over in the mirror while taking a deep breath. There was nothing to be nervous about, she chanted. 

Except it’d been two weeks of almost non-stop texting and Lexa was funny and nice and sweet and a nagging part of her brain couldn’t let Clarke believe that this girl was real. 

“I’m coming!” Clarke yelled down the steps as she hurried to the bathroom and quickly sprayed a dash of perfume from the tiny, expensive bottle her dad got her for her birthday. 

She heard the rumble of voices downstairs and tried not to think of how embarrassing her father could possibly be. In record time she snagged her coat and phone, pocketing and tugging on as she hustled down the steps. 

But handling it well enough, Lexa stood there, in Clarke’s house, in the flesh, real, alive, and in-person. Red letterman jacket folded over her arm, she stood there and listened intently to Jake Griffin talk about something before catching her date’s eye and smiling. 

“I will have to check that movie out, Mr. Griffin,” Lexa nodded, tearing herself away from Clarke. “Thank you for the suggestion.” 

“Okay, we’re heading out, Dad,” Clarke interrupted before he could start talking about something else. “I’ll be home later.” 

“Not giving me much time to embarrass you, honey,” he chided as she leaned up to kiss his cheek. “I got distracted talking about movies.” 

“An easy way to avert him. Nice work, Twelve.”

Lexa smiled quickly as Clarke came to stand beside her. 

“I do want to hear some embarrassing things though. I’m sure we have ti--”

“Okay, we’re off,” she cut off the thought. 

“It was nice to meet you, Mr. Griffin,” Lexa stuck out her hand and shook Jake’s. “I’ll let you know what I think of that film. I’m always looking for new favorites.” 

“You won’t be disappoint,” he smiled, surprised by the action as she shook her hand. “Home by twelve at the latest.” 

“What about one?” Clarke tried. 

“Actually, I have to be home by eleven,” Lexa offered. “So unless you plan on bailing…” 

“You know, eleven sounds so much better to me,” Jake grinned and looked at his daughter expectantly. 

With a shake of her head and sigh, Clarke moved toward the door, Lexa trailing behind her and shrugging on her coat as the moved out into the cold. The patriarch of the small family stood behind the glass and watched them hurry to hop into the still-running car in the driveway. It wasn’t that he truly trusted anyone that took his daughter out on a date, but something about Lexa seemed okay enough for him to not worry as much, which was surprising for someone with a letterman jacket. 

But he waved as they pulled out into the street and he smiled, the faint remnant of the perfume he bought for his daughter for her last birthday still lingering on the stairs. 

XXXXXXXXXX

As much as she told herself that she wasn’t nervous, that it was pointless to worry about it, that Clarke obviously liked her enough to make out with her in a hotel bed, twice, Lexa still felt a little nervous about their first official date. She did a valiant job in pretending though. 

But then she saw Clarke and she relaxed, despite the fact that her heartbeat picked up by about half. It was baffling and she wasn’t sure what it meant, but she didn’t waste any time thinking about it too hard. 

“I can’t believe I’ve never been here before,” Lexa smiled as they pulled up to the museum parking lot. “My brother has a thing for museums.” 

“Now I get to spoil it for you so when he drags you here eventually, it’ll be old news.” 

“You know, you haven’t insulted me once since I picked you up.” 

“Can’t let them go to your head,” Clarke grinned and waited, sticking her hand out for her date to grab so she could lead her into one of her favorite places in town. “Your ego is already monstrous after winning a championship.” 

“Did you know I get a ring and everything? The lunch lady gave me an extra cookie the other day, too.” 

“What a life you lead. And here I am, taking up your time when you could be basking in the glow of being the city’s golden child.” 

“Not this town,” she murmured, feeling slightly out of place in her jacket. 

“Don’t sweat it. You’re with me, Woods.” 

It was a baseless sentence and in no way did Lexa imagine that Clarke ran her town, but there was something to her confidence and ease that made her want to believe it without question. Clarke was easy that way-- just constantly moving and pushing and remaining undaunted, it felt like. Through their late night chats, she’d learned that Clarke really figured out that she didn’t like a lot of who she was over the past few years, and was restarting, with purpose. 

Lexa wasn’t sure what it all meant, just that Clarke was honest and fun, she was unpredictable and passionate, and most importantly, she was fiercely independent.

Somewhere between the paintings of the boats and the ones that were just lines, Lexa felt Clarke’s chin on her shoulder and the proximity of their bodies as they walked through the massive rooms, perusing and joking, appreciating and debating, predominantly disappearing into themselves without a care for anyone else in the place. 

Somewhere between the busts and the installation art, Lexa kissed Clarke’s cheek and held her hand a little tighter, occasionally pulling her own behind her back to pull Clarke closer to her side. 

And at the end of the night, after dropping Clarke off and getting a kiss for her troubles, Lexa smiled and replayed the entire date in her head on the drive home. 

XXXXXXXXXX

Despite the normal festivities of the holiday season combined with winning a championship and having many more friend obligations to attend with, Lexa ignored what she could and spent her most of her break driving back and forth to the rival town to see a certain cheerleader who like to kiss her and sometimes slip her hand up her shirt. And she liked returning the favor, hence the driving and hosting. 

But between the family and the girl and break homework, Lexa was sure to spend time preparing for her soccer season. That was a point she made because she sure as hell wasn’t going to only get scholarship options for one season in a sport she didn’t truly love. 

There was a schedule and Clarke fit into it all, much to Lexa’s relief. 

“You have to head home soon,” Clarke whispered, though her lips moved to capture the kicker’s once again. 

“I can push my luck a little bit. Your dad likes me.” 

The scoff was cut off by a low moan as Lexa let her hands get a little more brazen than they’d been before. She was fueled by the fact that they were busy and school was starting again and she wouldn’t know how long until she’d see Clarke again. That and the delectable little noises coming from beneath her. 

“You should leave, before I make you stay.” 

Lexa smiled against Clarke’s neck and bit there before pushing her thigh harder into her center, earning a shift of hips. Fingertips dug into her neck and she sighed at the sensation. She wanted more time. She wanted to pause everything. 

“You feel so good,” Lexa whispered. 

“We should see each other again.” 

“I’d like that.” 

“You’ll let me know when you get your schedule for soccer?” 

“You’ll be the first to know. I’d like my own cheerleader,” Lexa smiled, kissing toward chest. “And as my girlfriend, you get the perks of wearing my jacket and old jersey whenever you’d like.” 

“Girlfriend, eh?” Clarke adjusted so that Lexa hovered over her. She cocked her head and smiled before pushing hair away from her eyes. She loved Lexa’s green, and how deep and expressive they were if you were smart enough to pay attention. 

“Yeah, well. If the letterman fits.” 

“I do look cute in it,” she shrugged, smiling enough with a dimple and all. 

“Much better than me.” 

“I can’t go wearing it at school. That’d be the end of me.” 

“I suppose we should talk about being star-crossed and such, since we’re heading back to the real world.” 

Clarke groaned a complaint and hugged Lexa toward her tighter. 

“What is there to talk about? My girlfriend goes to a different school.” 

“It’s adorable how you think it’ll be easy.”

“You’d be amazing at how good I am t being difficult.” 

Despite herself, Lexa chuckled and shook her head before kissing Clarke’s cheek and jaw and nose. She finally pushed herself away. 

XXXXXXXXX

The fall out was… biblical, in a way that Clarke never fully expected. It seemed insanely trivial for her to develop a crush on a person that could develop so much ire from her entire world, but she bore the brunt of it with a flippant disregard to such ridiculous stigmas. 

The worst of it was Octavia, fiercely loyal to her team and her school and most importantly, her brother. The news worked its way through the friend group, debated and marvelled over for a few days before it became old news. It was a novelty and for a while Clarke fielded their questions and took their taunting well enough. 

It wasn’t until spring that Clarke finally blew up, lashing out at Bellamy, Octavia, Murphy, and a few others who were still bitter about their lost. It ended with her scolding their pitiful performance and childish behavior. It didn’t really help, but she certainly felt better. 

“Good job! Nice kick!” Clarke cheered from the bleachers amidst the large crowd in the waning evening light. 

“Oh now you’re a cheerleader,” Octavia rolled her eyes and scoffed from a few rows away. 

Clarke grit her teeth and shook her head before focusing back on the pitch as number twelve streaked down the field, maneuvering quickly through defenders. She shoved her hands into the pockets of the jacket for the opposing team and smelled a hint of Lexa on the collar still, vowing to give it back to her for a few days to get more of it back. 

Unsure of if the booing spurred her or the fact that her girlfriend was watching, but Lexa and her team won by a wide margin, which was gratifying to the singular fan in the audience. 

“Hey, Twelve, you looked good out there.” 

“Oh thanks. Just showing off a bit for you,” Lexa grinned, hanging on the railing of the bleachers as she watched her red jacket walk towards her. “Thanks for coming.” 

“Couldn’t miss it. Hottest seat in town.” 

“I have to get on the bus in a few…” 

“Can’t waste time then,” Clarke grinned, jumping off the final step and wrapping her arms around the sweaty soccer players neck. 

In a second, she was kissing her girlfriend and smiling, content with the glares she knew she’d be getting from the peanut gallery. 

“You should come over this weekend. There’s a great movie playing at the Local, and I could be persuaded to take you for dinner.” 

“Persuaded, huh?” 

“Mmhm,” she nodded, setting her girlfriend down.

“Do you want to meet my friends?” 

“I think I’ve met some of them,” Lexa looked at the gaggle that followed. “Hi.” 

“Guys, this is Lexa,” Clarke offered as she turned around and found the rest of the group. “Lex, this is Bellamy, his sister, Octavia, Raven, Murphy, Monty, and Madi.”

A small chorus of hellos greeted her as she lifted her hand awkwardly. 

“Sorry about making that field goal. I can honestly say I didn’t mean to, and it just kind of happened.”

The crowd relaxed slightly and mingled about with some small talk before the coach called and Lexa looked over her shoulder, realizing it was time to leave. 

“I’ll see you Saturday, if that’s okay?” Clarke asked, walking with Lexa toward the bus. 

“Did I do well enough with the friends to earn a date?” 

“You did. I do have to spend Friday with them though to make up for it, but yeah, I’d say you’re okay.” 

“Am I going to have to see them more?” 

“Definitely.” 

“Whatever works.”

“Here,” Clarke shrugged off the coat. “I need you to break this in again for me. I lost your smell.” 

“Can’t have it not smell like Ireland looks, I guess.” 

“Shut up.” 

With a shove and a kiss, Clarke pushed Lexa toward the bus.

[raccoonhearteyes]

Clarke vs. The Hot Customer

Meanwhile in DC, CIA Agent Lexa Woods and NSA Agent Anya Forrest sit across the desk with Homeland Security General Indra Beckman.  

Beckman starts, “Last night at 18:00, CIA operative Costia Daniels was killed in action. Before her death, she sent the entire Intersect Project to a civilian, a top-secret mission known only among those with the highest clearance in the CIA. The project consisted of every CIA mission and intel since the CIA’s founding in 1947. All contained in a supercomputer. The goal was for the intel to be downloaded into the human brain. While it has yet to be tested, it would give the agency’s top agents every piece of information necessary to complete their missions, without having to read every file, look through every photo, and analyze every document. This project is now in the inbox of one Clarke Griffin. As I’m sure you can guess, this is not ideal. The recipient’s unsecured g-mail means that every terrorist and their mother can track who it went to. And they will go after them without hesitation in order to get their hands on our intelligence.”

“Why did she send it to a civilian instead of a CIA contact?” Anya asks.

“We don’t know. As far as we can tell, she’s just some random college dropout. She works at a Buy-More. Your job is to find Clarke Griffin, find out what she knows, and download the e-mail yourselves so our nation’s secrets are not floating around in the head of some idiot civilian.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke wakes up on her bedroom floor to the blaring alarm on her nightstand. She’s groggy, and doesn’t quite remember why she apparently passed out on the floor instead of changing into pajamas and climbing into her bed.

Slowly, the memories of last night trickle in. She remembers a hot pocket, going to her room to play video games, and… an e-mail from Costia? That can’t be right. They haven’t spoken in years… But she distinctly remembers getting an e-mail from her, then a bunch of weird pictures, and that’s it.

She goes over to her computer to try and reread the email, but the thing won’t turn on. It seems to be fried from the inside. “Great, so not only did Costia ruin my life, she sent me a computer virus that destroyed my computer?” Clarke wonders.

Clarke’s still a little woozy from the unending strobe light of incomprehensible images her brain was exposed to the night before, so she skips breakfast, and thanks her past self for not even changing out of her work clothes so she can just walk right out the door and head to the Buy-More.

Raven is sitting at the Nerd Herd help desk waiting for her.

“You never logged on to LoL last night,” Raven complains. “Yeah, I got a weird e-mail from Costia and it torpedoed my computer.”

“I’m sorry what? Costia? Costia Daniels? The one that ruined your life and got you stuck working at a Buy-More with me?”

“The one and only.”

“What did she want?”

“I don’t know. It was a weird e-mail. It spazzed through a bunch of images and then fried my hard drive.”

“What a bitch.” “Yup.”

It’s a slow day at the Buy-More so Raven and Clarke spend most of the day chit chatting about nothing, planning their next video game all-nighter, and talking about starting their own electronics company to beat out the Buy-More. It’s an idea they’ve talked about for years, but is nothing more than a pipe dream. Neither of them have the capital to get that thing off the ground. No matter how many engineering degrees Raven collects. Eventually they fall into a game of “Guess what that customer is thinking.”

“I am going to hoard this for when the nuclear apocalypse hits us and toilet paper is scarce,” Raven says about the guy with 100 rolls of toilet paper and nothing else in his cart.

“I need a copy of Die Hard for every TV in my house,” Clarke gruffs about the old many with 8 copies of Die Hard in his basket.

The two are so enthralled in their game that they hardly notice a customer approach the help desk.

In a high-pitched valley girl voice, Clarke says, “I’m getting this video camera so I can finally make a sex tape with my boyfriend!” Raven laughs way harder than Clarke thinks the joke earned, but then the customer clears her throat and Clarke whirls around. The customer raises her eyebrows in surprise.

“Um… I… did you? That wasn’t… Hi, welcome to the Nerd Herd. How can I help you?”

Clarke chokes on her tongue a little when she realizes just how beautiful the customer is. She’s wearing tight fitting jeans, a tank top, and an unbuttoned flannel over her shirt. Clarke’s gaydar lightly pings in the back of her mind. Her hair is a mane of curly brown locks. She has a pair of sunglasses perched on the top of her head, and the greenest eyes Clarke has ever seen. When her gaze flicks back up to make eye contact, there’s something… intense about the way this girl looks at her.

“I’ve been having phone troubles. It doesn’t seem to be receiving calls.”

“Can I have a name for the intake form?”

“Lexa.”

“Well Lexa, I’ll see what I can do.”

Clarke fiddles around with the phone, looking for external damage or immediately obvious reasons for malfunction. When she finds nothing evident, she tells Lexa, “It must be something internal, I’ll take it to the back and see what’s going on. Come back in about an hour, and it should be all set.”

“That sounds perfect. Thank you…” Lexa pauses waiting for a name

“Clarke.”

“Thank you, Clarke. I’ll see you in an hour.”

As Lexa turns to walk away, Clarke stares at her ass and says a quiet, “Bye Lexa.”

“HEY CLARKE! You telling this customer goodbye or are you announcing that you’re bi?” Raven says a little too loudly for it to not be intentional.

Lexa turns to flash a smile at Clarke, and Clarke turns to Raven and says, “Reyes, I will kill you in your sleep.”

An hour spent tinkering in the repair shop, and the phone is back to fully functional. Clarke waits at the help desk for Lexa to return. This time she ensures that she’s not mid-game so she doesn’t embarrass herself a second time in front of this customer. She most certainly notices when Lexa walks into the store. This time, the flannel is tied around her waist and Clarke stares at the tattoo curling around her bicep. Then she stares at the biceps themselves and considers tracing the lines with her tongue. Scolding herself for being just as big of a perv as fellow Nerd Herders Jasper and Monty, she smiles and pointedly does not stray from making eye contact. Lexa is less successful as she sneaks a peek down Clarke’s shirt that may have one or two fewer buttons done up this time around.

“What’s the verdict doc?” Lexa asks, leaning into Clarke’s space at the counter.

“All fixed,” Clarke smiles.

“How do I know it works?”

Clarke grins, “Aha, watch this.”

She digs her own phone out of her pocket and dials a number. She waits a few seconds until the phone in Lexa’s hand starts to vibrate and “NERD HERD HOTTIE” pops up on the screen.  

“See? Good as new”

“Thank you, Clarke. I really appreciate it,” Lexa says, and turns to leave the store. Clarke’s bubble of hope pops as she watches her walk away. But then, after a few steps, Lexa picks up her phone, scrolls through a screen and lifts the phone to her ear.

A few feet behind her, Clarke’s phone buzzes on the counter. She answers.

“Do you want to get dinner tonight?” Lexa asks.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They agree to meet at Grounders at 7:00. Lexa arrives 15 minutes early and waits at the entrance. She’s wearing a green button up, tight grey pants, and her hair is done up in a neat braid. She has a stun gun tucked into her jacket, a knife hidden in each boot, and a blade laced within the braid. But this is supposed to look like a first date, not a mission, so she tries to make herself look nervous by shifting her weight from one leg to the other, and gets ready to flirt some information out of her mark.

Clarke steps out of an Uber at 7:06 wearing a light blue sundress that makes her look even more like a ray of sunshine. It’s a stark contrast from the unisex Nerd Herd uniform, and Lexa can’t help but give her a once over. Twice maybe thrice if she’s being completely honest. “I thought you might have changed your mind,” Lexa confesses, looking at her watch.

“Of course not! Just bad LA traffic,” Clarke replies and leads them into the restaurant.

Conversation is easy. They make each other laugh. The waitress comes over three times in 45 minutes before either of them have even glanced at the menu. Lexa assures the waitress that they do, in fact, know how to read, and a few minutes later they actually order their food. Neither can stop themselves from long looks and bashful smiles. Clarke learns that Lexa just moved to town and is still looking for the right fit job. They talk about their childhoods and interests. Eventually, they stumble on the topic of whether or not it’s weird that Lexa asked out her phone repair woman. Clarke immediately reddens at the memory of the first words Lexa heard her say. Clarke apologizes for her having to overhear the game she plays with Raven at the Buy-More.

“Speaking of which, how does a girl as beautiful and smart as you end up working for the Nerd Herd?” Lexa asks incredulously.

“That’s kind of a long story. The spark notes version is that I am one semester shy of a computer science degree at Stanford. My senior year, my former best friend and roommate Costia framed me for cheating and got me kicked out of school. No explanation. Since then I haven’t really had the drive to finish the degree. Or trust anyone. I’ve really just been surviving ever since. No sense in living when everything you loved is gone, right? Sorry, that was probably a little heavy for a first date…”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Lexa assures. The name Costia did not go unnoticed, so Lexa presses on, “What ever happened to that Costia girl?”

“The funny thing is I haven’t really thought about her in a few years, but the last two days it’s been at nagging in my mind. I actually got an e-mail from her yesterday, but all it contained was a virus that fried my computer,” Clarke shrugs.

The waiter interrupts to fill their wine glasses, and Lexa’s opportunity to press more about this e-mail vanishes as Clarke switches the subject completely, and they fall back into easy conversation, longing and somewhat thirsty looks, and grinning at each other.

Lexa pays their check while Clarke runs to the bathroom, and they have decided that 3 hours taking up this restaurant’s table is probably long enough. Yes, it’s a mission, but Lexa is genuinely enjoying talking to this girl. She’s sweet and funny, and looks damn good in that dress.

“Can I drive you home?” Lexa asks.

The drive is a comfortable silence. Lexa’s hand rests on Clarke’s knee and mindlessly draws patterns on her thigh until Clarke intertwines their fingers. The drive ends too quickly as they pull up to the complex where Clarke lives.

Lexa walks Clarke to her door. Clarke’s walk slows to a crawl, trying to prolong her time with Lexa as much as possible. But the trip from the car to the stoop is only so long, so she settles for pretending to struggle to find her keys. God she wants to kiss her. She wants to kiss her so badly she hasn’t listened to a word Lexa has said because she can’t think about anything else. Lexa pauses in front of the door, and shuffles a bit closer to Clarke.

“Goodnight, Clarke”, she says as she leans in. Clarke closes her eyes in anticipation, and then feels Lexa’s lips land just left of the mark. Lexa places a chaste kiss on the corner of Clarke’s mouth, then turns to walk away. She turns back with a wink and a wave as Clarke unlocks her front door, and melts to a puddle once she’s crossed the threshold.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa paces outside the front of the Buy-More while on the phone with the General. “Beckman, she’s just a normal girl. She hasn’t done anything wrong. I don’t even think the e-mail made it to her. She said she hasn’t heard from Costia since college!” “Agent Woods, Daniels was one of our top agents. There must be a reason she sent it to her. Now, go find out if she’s just a really good liar, or if she’s actually as innocent as you seem to think.” She hangs up without a greeting or dismissal.

Lexa tries to shake off the conversation, and walks through the Buy-More doors to go find Clarke, who at the moment is helping someone pick out a blender. Lexa pretends to be interested in a video camera and presses random buttons while waiting for Clarke to be free.

“Looking at cameras for our sex tape?” Clarke asks with a cheeky grin.

Lexa rolls her eyes and replies, “No, I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to say hi. I had fun last night.”

Clarke lights up with a goofy grin and thinks about how she didn’t kiss her last night. Clarke eyes her lips, and catches Lexa doing the same. She does a quick scan of the floor, hoping to confirm that no manager is there to catch her making out with a girl while on the clock. She’s made it almost a full 360 when it happens.

She sees a man standing in the DVD section. He doesn’t look that much different than a normal customer, but once she sees the scar on his neck, images flash before her eyes. The scar. The man’s name, and seven different aliases. A Russian Prison manifest. A rank within Russian Intelligence operations. They flash before her eyes in rapid succession, pulling the information to the forefront of her brain, and making her a little dizzy with the completely unconscious recall of information she doesn’t remember learning in the first place. The images stop and her eyes refocus

“Lexa, this is going to sound crazy, but that man in the DVDs section is a Russian spy and he

is armed to kill. Don’t ask me how I know that, I just do.”

 Clarke watches Lexa’s eyes widen in alarm. “Holy shit, you downloaded it.”

“What?”

“The Intersect.” “The what?” “I have to get you out of here.”

Lexa grabs Clarke’s hand and pulls her towards the back of the store.

“Lexa, what is going on.” She doesn’t answer. Instead she goes into the breakroom, punches a series of numbers into the vending machine, and watches the machine slide to the right to reveal a passageway. Lexa pulls Clarke through, ignoring her questions and utter shock at what is going on. Clarke is led down some stairs into a conference room with screens taking up a full wall, a wall full of weapons, and a video conference call happening at the table in the center. An angry looking Asian woman sits at the table talking to the screen with a black woman with more medals on her military coat than Clarke knew existed. 

Lexa interrupts their conversation with, “She’s the Intersect.”

“She what?”

“She’s the Intersect. She downloaded it. She just recognized a Russian operative upstairs.”

The other women in the room and on the screen look shocked and horrified.

“So it works?” the woman on the screen asks. “WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. WHERE AM I? WHAT IS THE INTERSECT? WHY IS THERE A SECRET BASE IN THE BUY-MORE? WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?” Clarke yells, finally getting Lexa’s attention.

Lexa starts, “My name is Lexa Woods. I work for the CIA.”

“Anya Forrest, Colonel in the NSA.”

“And I’m General Indra Beckman, head of Homeland Security”

Clarke begins to laugh hysterically. “Did Raven put you up to this? She always goes WAY TOO BIG or way too small for pranks. Jeezus how much did she spend on this?!” She wanders the base touching weapons, poking screens, and searching for a hidden camera.

“This isn’t a joke, Miss Griffin,” Beckman interrupts.

The tone sobers Clarke immediately.

Beckman continues, “Three days ago, CIA operative Costia Daniels sent you an email. That email contained every secret the CIA has in what was called the Intersect Project. That information is now in your head. Until a new Intersect can be built, the CIA and NSA’s number one priority will be protecting you.”

“I’m sorry, what now?” Clarke asks.

“You will assist in missions as needed.”

Clarke is, again, much too stunned to grasp anything that was just said. Instead, she asks every question that has run through her mind since she thought she was about to kiss Lexa at work to the current moment. Costia was CIA? Why did she send it to me? How does it work? Can I get it removed? You’re sure this isn’t an over the top prank? Costia is dead?

Lexa, Anya, and Beckman patiently answer every question Clarke has. For the most part, they are very understanding of the barrage of questions. The questions continue for about thirty minutes, but eventually die down. This is real. Clarke will be working with the CIA. Other countries will try to find the Intersect, so she is in danger. She is now their most important asset, and they will protect her at all costs. She doesn’t really have a choice in this.

“I didn’t ask for this,” Clarke states. “We know, but your country is calling,” Beckman answers.

General Beckman hangs up the call, Anya goes back to cleaning an enormous gun, Lexa starts to organize files, and Clarke… Clarke sits at the table staring at her hands. Deep in thought, and too stunned to form coherent thoughts. After ten minutes, she takes a deep breath and addresses Lexa.

“So that date then?”

Lexa reads the implied question and answers, “Was part of my mission to find out what you knew.”

“Ah.”

“Clarke.”

“I don’t know why I thought it was anything else. No one that model hot dates a girl from the Nerd Herd. Is that like a requirement for spy work?”

Lexa cocks her head like a confused puppy.

Clarke glances between Anya and Lexa, and waggles her fingers between the two of them. “You know, the mind-blowing hotness? I mean, it works. Girl that looks like you asks me to jump off the roof and I’d probably do it without asking any follow up questions. Of course it was all fake. You’re probably straight. Really deluded myself into this one. Big yikes.”

Anya looks up from the barrel of her gun and chuffs, “Definitely not straight”

Lexa blushes but doesn’t disagree with Anya. Instead she addresses Clarke directly. “You do realize that we will need to continue dating, right?”

Clarke continues rambling to herself about being an idiot for thinking a girl like Lexa was into her, but then the content of Lexa’s question sinks in. Her brain jolts like a record scratch. “Huh?”

“It’s the perfect cover for why I’m suddenly in your life and may suddenly vanish from it. I can keep a close eye on you when you’re not at work, and it won’t seem suspicious if I stay over. During the day, Anya will work at the Buy More with you.”

Clarke still hasn’t wrapped her head around “continue dating” so instead asks, “I’m dead, right? That Russian operative in DVDs killed me and I’m bleeding out on the Buy-More floor, right? Because there is no way the US government just asked me to fake date a bombshell agent for the safety of our country.”

Anya finishes reassembling her gun, looks up at the newly christened fake couple, and says, “Believe it, babe.”

[myonechicagoworld]

CHICAGO FIRE – MERRY CHRISTMAS, ETC (S01E10)

                                                 [door slams]

Joe Cruz: [breathing heavily]

                  Where is he? 

                  Where’s Leon?

Flaco: Where’s my money?

Joe Cruz: Okay, look… I have a grand, but…

                                                 [door opens]

Joe Cruz: Leon. 

                  Flaco…

                                                 [door shuts]

Joe Cruz: Listen, man… I

Flaco: The deal was for ten grand, Joe.

Joe Cruz: I… I can make payments

Flaco: You know how this works. I give you a break, word gets out, 

            and everybody else wants a break. And I spend half my day

            explaining to people why they ain’t gonna get one. 

            So no breaks.

            Do you have the money or not?

Joe Cruz: No, I don’t.

                                                 [gun clocking]

Joe Cruz: No!

                                                  [door slams]

Joe Cruz: [panting]

Kelly Severide: Hey, yeah… is, uh, Renee Royce there? 

                           [chuckling] Leave…uh, leave what?

                           Word? Uh, yeah, sure.

                            Yeah, go for it. Leave word. Thanks.

                                                   cutscene

Peter Mills: Good morning, ladies.

Leslie Shay: Peter Mills, it’s the saddest thing. Christmas lights at

                      the north gate got blown down.

Peter Mills: What? We are gonna have to do something about that.

Leslie Shay: The fireman that saved Christmas.

Peter Mills: Mm.

Gabby Dawson: [laughs]

                            You think if I asked him to my cousin’s Christmas

                             party, he might take it the wrong way? 

Leslie Shay: Family functions are usually reserved for serious

                      suitors, so shouldn’t you be asking Casey?

Gabby Dawson: [clears throat] I just need a date so that my cousin

                            doesn’t make any more comments about how I’m 

                            gonna die alone.

Leslie Shay: So you afraid Casey will say no?

Gabby Dawson: Bitch, please.

Peter Mills: Hey, hey, Cruz, you give me a hand here?

Joe Cruz: In a minute.

Peter Mills: Okay.

Joe Cruz: You said ten minutes.

Leon Cruz: Yo, I don’t even want to be here. Why you calling me?

Joe Cruz: Come on inside.

Leon Cruz: What? So a bunch of fat firemen can make jokes about 

                    my face?

Joe Cruz: Look, this is a daily police bulletin. We get one of these 

                  every day.

Leon Cruz: That’s what ‘daily’ usually means.

Joe Cruz: “Expect increased violence in neighbourhood of

                   Humboldt Park due to an escalating gang conflict.” 

                   Leon, this is some serious business you’re getting

                   wrapped up in. I don’t know how else to say it, man, 

                   I’m worried about you.

Leon Cruz: Then pay Flaco his buyout and be done with it. Oh, but

                    you don’t got ten grand, right? So why are we still 

                    talking?

                    Look, just keep your nose out of my business before

                    you get my ass kicked again.

Joe Cruz: Leon, man. 

                 Leon! 

                 [grunts]

                                  [station alarm buzzes and blares]

(Over PA): Shift 51, Truck 81, Ambulance 61.

                                       [indistinct radio chatter]

Lady 1: I was deep-frying eggplant. I turned my back for a minute

              and there were flames everywhere. I… I tried to beat it out

               with a towel, I just…[continues indistinctly]

Matt Casey: Let these two take care of that hand.

Chief Boden: (into radio) Truck 81 is on the scene.

                                       [smoke alarm beeping]

Christopher Herrmann: Aah… turn off that smoke detector.

                                     [fire extinguisher spraying]

Matt Casey: All right, let’s do a quick walk-through, open some

                     windows, get this place vented.

                                             [beeping stops]

Mouch: Holy moly. These folks must be the 1% I keep hearing 

               about.

Otis Zvonecek: Oh, you guys! This priceless piece of artwork has

                           been destroyed. 

                           Oh, wait. Nevermind. It’s supposed to look like that.

Mouch: [chuckles]

Gabby Dawson: All right?

Lady 1: Thank you.

Matt Casey: Probably need a new countertop, but everything else is

                      okay.

Lady 1: Oh my God, thank you. 

                                                [kissing sound]

Lady 1: Thank you so much.

(Over radio): Truck 81, are you available to assist at a pin-in 

                       accident?

Matt Casey: (into radio) Truck 81 responding.

                      Pack her up. We got another call.

                                                [siren blares]

                                                [horn honks]

Lady 1: Come back! Somebody stop them!

Chief Boden: Ma’am, what’s the problem?

Lady 1: My diamond necklace was sitting right there on my dresser, 

              and now it’s gone. And one of those firemen took it.

                                              [siren fading]

                                                  - Title -

Christopher Herrmann: [groans]

Matt Casey: What’s the matter, Herrmann?

                                           [truck door shuts]

Man 1: Matthew Casey. How about that?

Matt Casey: What are you doing here, Griffin?

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): I’m with Internal Affairs Division now.

Christopher Herrmann: What’s the IAD doing here? 

Otis Zvonecek: CPD too. 

Matt Casey: What the hell’s going on?

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): A woman on Green Street said somebody

                                 walked off with her diamond necklace.

Mouch: What? 

Otis Zvonecek: [grunts]

Matt Casey: This is a joke, right?

Man 2 (Detective): No joke, Lieutenant.

Matt Casey: My men aren’t thieves.

Man 2 (Detective): All the same. We’re talking about a 50,000 dollar

                                piece of jewellery. 

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): That’s a class 2 felony.

Chief Boden: Casey, the police need to take statements from you

                        and the men. 

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): And I’m gonna need you to fill out a form too. 

                                 Basic stuff… where you worked in the fire,

                                 who you worked with, if you saw the missing 

                                 item or anything else at all suspicious.

Matt Casey: Can I have a minute?

Truck Firefighter: Man…

Chief Boden: I know what you’re gonna say.

Matt Casey: On my best day, I’d have to fight the urge to choke that

                      guy out. Today’s not my best day.

Chief Boden: The possible theft of a 50,000 dollar necklace

                        supersedes any concerns about your personal 

                        feelings toward Ted Griffin.

Matt Casey: Chief, you know as well as I do, none of my men took

                      that necklace.

Chief Boden: I hope not, ‘cause I don’t want to see any of them

                       lose their job and face criminal charges. And I don’t

                       want to see their Lieutenant get a black mark on his

                       record, so let’s just play this one by the book.

Matt Casey: [exhales]

Chief Boden: Good.

                                                   cutscene

Kelly Severide: Yeah, stop right here.

Squad Firefighters: Go ahead, lover boy.

                                  Yeah, go break her heart, huh?

                                            [squad door shuts]

Squad Firefighter: Never thought I’d see the day.

                                                 [chuckling]

                                            [knocks on door]

Kelly Severide: Uh, hey. Um, does Renee Royce live here?

Man 3 (Renee’s Assistant): [scoffs] Renee, there’s a fireman here 

                                               for you.

Renee Royce: Excuse me, gentlemen.

                         Thanks, Ray. 

                          Hi.

Kelly Severide: Uh, don’t mean to interrupt. Um, I know you said

                           you worked from home on Fridays, and uh…

Renee Royce: And you just pictured me all alone answering emails

                         in my underwear?

Kelly Severide: Well, I am now.

Renee Royce: Mmhmm.

                         Wow, these are, um, gorgeous. Thank you.

Kelly Severide: How about dinner tomorrow night? No interruptions

                          this time, I promise.

Renee Royce: Okay. All right.

Kelly Severide: Okay.

Renee Royce: Okay. 

Kelly Severide: I’ll see you then, Royce.

Renee Royce: Okay, Severide.

                                                     cutscene

Gabby Dawson: [chuckles] Wait, so what exactly do you have 

                            against Mills?

Leslie Shay: Not a thing. He’s adorable. He’s like a harmless little 

                      puppy dog.

Gabby Dawson: Yeah, a puppy dog with a little wolf blood in him.

                                                    [chuckling]

Gabby Dawson: Hey, what’s up, Chief?

Leslie Shay: Hey, Chief [clears throat]

Chief Boden: Sit.

Leslie Shay: Uh, Chief, is this about the diamond necklace Dawson

                      stole at the residence…

Gabby Dawson: Hey.

Chief Boden: Someone from another shift apparently just told your

                        field chief that sometime in November, four units of

                        Toradol went missing from your rig during your shift.

Gabby Dawson: What? 

Leslie Shay: Hm?

Gabby Dawson: Who’s saying this? I bet you it was Lowell.

Chief Boden: Don’t you worry about who said it.

Gabby Dawson: And why are they waiting till now to say anything?

Chief Boden: That’s probably because they heard IAD is sniffing

                        around our house. They want to cast the blame if

                        any more narcotics turned up missing.

Gabby Dawson: You know some junkie probably stole it off the rig

                             when we were busy saving his friend.

Chief Boden: That may be so. But it’s on you, Dawson.

                       So the two of you knock your heads together,

                       get back to me with your official version about what

                        happened by the end of the shift.

Gabby Dawson: Yeah, we’ll figure it out, Chief.

Chief Boden: You better. 

Leslie Shay: [exhales] Thanks.

Chief Boden: You’re welcome. 

                                                      cutscene

Peter Mills: We saved this lady’s house. Where does she come off

                     accusing us of stealing…

Mouch: It’s not like it’s without precedent. Back in the day, I worked

              with Pat “The Pinch” Osbourne. Had fingers like flypaper.

              The roof could be caving in on us, and Pat would take a 

               moment to rescue the silverware.

Peter Mills: So… what’s the deal with the Lieutenant and the guy 

                     from IAD?

Christopher Herrmann: Uh, eh, bad history. They went through the

                                         academy together. 

                                         And… there was an incident.

Peter Mills: What kind of incident? 

Mouch: The kind that ends with Griffin getting his face punched in.

Peter Mills: Wait, why… why did the Lieutenant hit him?

Mouch: He was talking trash about Casey’s family.

              Um, but, see… we don’t talk about that.

Otis Zvonecek: Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys, here we go. Here we go.

                           Hey, Lieutenant. Lieutenant, check this out.

                           The people with all the artwork… Sandra and uh,

                            Richard Vaughn… they’re selling their entire art 

                            collection at auction.

Matt Casey: I already finished my Christmas shopping.

Otis Zvonecek: No, no, no, no. Think about it. You don’t sell your

                           art collection. Your children sell your art collection

                           after you die, or… you sell it if you need the 

                            money.

Matt Casey: Otis, I have things to do.

Otis Zvonecek: The… the diamond necklace, it’s an insurance 

                           scam.

Matt Casey: So this woman nearly burned down her home in some

                      elaborate scheme to get firefighters in there so she 

                      could accuse…

Otis Zvonecek: No. 

Matt Casey: ‘em of stealing a necklace?

Otis Zvonecek: She didn’t set the fire. But when it happened,

                           she saw an opportunity to cash in.

Matt Casey: Yeah. You should write that down.

Otis Zvonecek: [sighs] Okay, I will.

                                                   cutscene

Christopher Herrmann: All right.

Gabby Dawson: Shay, your ride’s here.

Christopher Herrmann: There you go. Thanks.

Otis Zvonecek: Great.

Christopher Herrmann: Yeah.

Gabby Dawson: [chuckles] You going to the prom, Herrmann?

Christopher Herrmann: Hey, this is the flagship for Caesar 

                                        limousine. 

                                        Your chariot awaits, ma’am.

Gabby Dawson: Ooh.

Christopher Herrmann: This guy, he’s liquidating his company.

                                         I can only afford one vehicle to start,

                                         but I figure I roll the profits of this one

                                         into the next, and then the next, 

                                         and before you know it, I have a 

                                         whole fleet.

                                         Airport runs, weddings, prom season.

Otis Zvonecek: Really, Herrmann?

Christopher Herrmann: Hey… I was smart enough to bring my own

                                         mechanic to the negotiations. Severide got

                                         the guy to knock 1,500 dollars off

                                         the price.

Kelly Severide: You’re gonna have to spend some of that money to

                           fix this charging issue. And you definitely need to

                           replace the timing belt.

                                                      cutscene

Leslie Shay: And I thought I replaced every vial I gave you, but I

                      must have lost count.

Kelly Severide: Hey. How can they bust you for something that

                           somebody said happened a month ago? 

                           It’s their word against yours.

Leslie Shay: If it were my ass on the line, I’d put up a fight.

                      But Dawson’s the PIC. It’s her ass on the line.

Kelly Severide: Well, I don’t know what to tell you.

Leslie Shay: No, you’re right. 

                      It’s not your problem. You got what you needed.

Kelly Severide: That… Shay. 

                                            [station alarm buzzes]

Kelly Severide: Shay.

                                             [station alarm blares]

(Over PA): Ambulance 61, Truck 81. Gunshot victim, 

                  67 North Avenue.

Matt Casey: Capp, move this thing, will you?

Capp: You got it.

                                              [engine sputtering]

Christopher Herrmann: Oh, please, please start.

                                                 [engine starts]

Christopher Herrmann: Yes!

(Over PA): Be advised. Reports of multiple gunshot victims, 

                  Humboldt Park. 

Matt Casey: Humboldt Park. As predicted.

                                              [truck engine starts]

                                                   [door shuts]

                                                   [siren wails]

                                             [truck door shuts]

Matt Casey: Everybody back up. Give ‘em some room.

Gabby Dawson: Hey, Shay, let’s get a “C” collar on her. Get her in

                            the back of the ambo and start an IV.

Matt Casey: Is this the one?

Police Officer: The other two are DOA. It was a drive-by vehicle to

                          vehicle. Girl was hit by a stray. Shooters are long 

                           gone.

Matt Casey: Check these two, just in case.

Joe Cruz: I’m on it, Lieutenant.

Gang Unit Detective: What colour was it? The car, what colour?

                                     Was it an  SUV, a Sedan… what? Hey,

                                     come on, man, my partner heard you say 

                                     you saw the other car.

Man 4 (Eyewitness): Not really. I mean, it all happened so fast, man.

                                        [music playing from car]

                                                  cutscene

Leon Cruz: Yo.

Joe Cruz: Yo? Leon, I left you like four messages.

Leon Cruz: Busy day.

Joe Cruz: Yeah, no kidding. We just got a call on a drive by on

                  Augusta and Pulaski, and your boy Flaco was 

                  behind it.

Leon Cruz: Yo, can I call you later?

Joe Cruz: Are you with him right now?

Leon Cruz: Mmhmm. 

Joe Cruz: It don’t matter. I’m gonna do the talking.

                  There’s gonna be retaliation, Leon, and I know you know

                  that. You gotta put some daylight between you and 

                  Flaco.

                                                [locker door shuts]

Joe Cruz: Listen, Leon… I know you think you don’t got a way out

                  of this life, but you do. I can help you. Not… not right

                   this minute, but I can help you get out. Just say the 

                   word. You want my help, just say so.

Leon Cruz: So.

                                                   cutscene

Leslie Shay: There you go, sweetie. Get in there. Have a seat. 

                      You’re gonna catch a cold out here.

Gabby Dawson: [sighs] Okay, James, I’m gonna take your blood

                            pressure. Is that okay?

Man 5 (James): Will it hurt?

Gabby Dawson: I do it every time, and you always ask me if it’s 

                            gonna hurt.

Man 5 (James): You never know.

Gabby Dawson: I don’t know, it’s just too soon to ask Casey.

                            This isn’t the first time his relationship with

                            Hallie flatlined. And if it somehow gets revived

                            again, and she finds out that I asked him on a 

                            date…

Leslie Shay: Won’t you regret it if you don’t ask him, though?

Gabby Dawson: [sighs] It’s gotta be Mills. He’s just the more

                            appropriate choice.

Leslie Shay: I guess you’re right.

                     Oh, for your dress, there’s this new shop on Damen.

Gabby Dawson: No way. I sprained my credit card Christmas

                            shopping. I’ll just recycle something.

                            Oh, 110 over 60! James… you’re like a triathlete.

Leslie Shay: You’re good to go, sweetie. We’ll take you in and get

                      you your meds, okay?

Gabby Dawson: Oh, James, that reminds me. Did you steal any

                            Toradol from us last month?

                             I’m totally kidding [laughs]

                                                      cutscene

Gabby Dawson: Hey, give me a minute.

                            Quick question [clears throat]

                            Saturday… what are you doing?

Matt Casey: Depends. What do you got?

Gabby Dawson: Um, my cousin, the poster child for better homes &

                            gardens, throws this really super fancy Christmas

                            party every year. There’s a string quartet, plum

                            pudding, nutmeg sprinkled on the eggnog. It’s so 

                            perfect you want to vomit.

Matt Casey: Sounds awesome. And you need a date?

Gabby Dawson: Yeah. I mean, I just need a friend to bring along, 

                             really.

Matt Casey: Oh. Then maybe you should ask Mouch.

                      If you’re up for a date, tell me what time to pick you 

                      up.

Gabby Dawson: 7 o’clock?

Matt Casey: Great.

Gabby Dawson: [whispers] Yeah, I need a new dress.

                                                    cutscene

Christopher Herrmann: Chief, are you just gonna let these pretend

                                         cops violate our civil rights?

Otis Zvonecek: Yeah, don’t they need to show us a warrant or 

                           something?

Chief Boden: They are well within their authority to search firehouse

                        property. 

Peter Mills: Even our personal lockers?

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): You mean the department’s lockers?  

                                  Besides, it shouldn’t bother you if you’re not 

                                   hiding something.

Matt Casey: Griffin, can I have a moment with you?

Chief Boden: Locker room, guys. Come on.

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): What? You want to punch me again?

Matt Casey: When’s the last time IAD searched an entire house?

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): A firefighter stole a 50,000 dollar necklace,

                                 and it’s my job to find out who. But don’t

                                 blame me if you suddenly regret assaulting 

                                  a fellow classmate.

Matt Casey: Regret it? I’m glad I did it. You weren’t the first idiot to

                      make a crack about my family. You’re the last. 

                       No one’s brought it up again since I laid your ass out.

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): Sucker punched.

Matt Casey: You saw it coming.

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): The only ones who saw it were your buddies. 

                                  None of whom had the integrity to say what

                                  really happened.

                                  By the way… how is your mom?

Chief Boden: Hey! Hey!

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): Whoa, whoa, whoa. Casey blood sure runs hot,

                                  don’t it?

Chief Boden: Do your job.

                                                     cutscene

Leslie Shay: Remember that one call we went on at D and 

                      University?

Gabby Dawson: Which one?

Leslie Shay: We got a block away, and we realised the jump bag

                      was sitting on the curb. I think that’s when the vials 

                      went missing.

                      Damn girl, you wear that dress, I’ll be your date.

Gabby Dawson: I don’t know. I feel kind of naked.

Leslie Shay: It’s perfect.

                     Excuse me. Ring this up. 

Gabby Dawson: Oh, no, um, I need to think about this one for a

                             minute. Thank you.

                              Is everything okay?

Leslie Shay: Yeah. Why?

Gabby Dawson: You seem more worked up over this Toradol thing 

                             than I am.

Leslie Shay: No, I’m not worried.

(Over radio): Ambo 61, what is your location?

Leslie Shay: (into radio) Ambulance 61. We’re at Armitage and 

                      Damen.

(Over radio): Take in a working fire. 1100 block North Hamlin.

Gabby Dawson: Okay, I’ll take the other one.

                                    [station alarm buzzes & blares]

(Over PA): Engine 51, Truck 81…

                                                    [cheering]

Matt Casey: Let’s go.

(Over PA): Squad 3, Battalion 25, Ambulance 61. House fire, 

                  1100 block…

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): This house was supposed to be taken out of 

                                  service.

Chief Boden: You never made that request. So now you guys are

                        gonna have to sit tight… 

                                            [locker door shuts]

Chief Boden: Until these men get back.

                                                [engine starts]

Otis Zvonecek: That address is Humboldt Park again, isn’t it?

                                                [sirens blaring]

Chief Boden: This is Battalion Chief Boden at 1140 of North Hamlin.

Police Officer: We responded to a call of a gang shooting into the

                          building. They torched it and fled before we got 

                          here.

Chief Boden: Who’s inside? Another gang? Any civilians? 

Police Officer: You know as much as I do. 

Chief Boden: Could be gang members inside. I count six

                        mailboxes. That fire has reached the structure.

Victim 1: Help me!

Matt Casey: Mouch, Otis, on the aerial. Get ready to vent the roof. 

                      Herrmann, Mills, Cruz, with me.

Chief Boden: Be careful.

                                [siren wailing and comes to a stop]

                                                   [gunshots]

Firefighter: Get clear! Get clear!

Matt Casey: I got you, Herrmann.

Christopher Herrmann: [grunts] 

Chief Boden: (into radio) This is the Chicago Fire Department.

                        Lay down your weapons. We are trying to help you!

                                                   [gunshots]

Chief Boden: Cruz!

Joe Cruz: [speaking Spanish]

                  We’re not police. You’re gonna die if you stay in there. 

                  Let us help you!

                  I’m coming in.

Matt Casey: Cruz!

Joe Cruz: Don’t shoot!

                                               [door breaking]

Joe Cruz: [speaking Spanish]

Chief Boden: Cruz! 

Joe Cruz: [speaking Spanish] Don’t shoot!

                  You the Kings?

                   Insane Kings. I’m Leon’s brother. Where is he?

                   Where is he? Where is he?

Christopher Herrmann: That’s the shooter. Get over here,

                                         you punk. Take a look at him.

Joe Cruz: Hey, we’re in! Let’s go!

Matt Casey: Take the infrared. Mills, catch up with Cruz.

                      Herrmann… you okay?

Christopher Herrmann: I’m gonna crack one of those punks upside

                                        their head.

Matt Casey: No. You’re gonna sit this one out.

                      Severide. 

Kelly Severide: Let’s go. 

                                         [ladder raising]

Joe Cruz: Here you go. Put your arm around me.

                  You’re doing fine. Keep going.

                  Come on, just take it easy. You’re almost there.

                   All right, here we go.

                   Hey, somebody take this guy.

Christopher Herrmann: We got him.

                                         We got you.

                                          Shay!

Gabby Dawson: We got you, sir. Here you go.

                                  [chatter on police radio]

Victim 3: [coughing] Help us! [coughing] Help up!

Chief Boden: (into radio) We got a woman and a kid on the second

                        floor. Front, center.

Matt Casey: (into radio) We’ll get ‘em.

Victim 3: Help us. 

Kelly Severide: Fire department! Call out!

Victim 3: Help!

                [coughing] Help us!

                [coughing]

Matt Casey: Let’s go.

Victim 3: [coughs] My little one. I don’t know where he is.

Matt Casey: Severide’ll find him, but we need to go.

Victim 3: You don’t understand, I need to find him.

Matt Casey: Ma’am, we need to go right now.

Victim 3: Marco!

                                       [doors breaking]

Peter Mills: Hello! Anybody in here?

Joe Cruz: Anybody in here?

                 All clear.

Peter Mills: Clear! 

Matt Casey: Come on. Come on, buddy.

Victim 3: Please.

Matt Casey: We’re gonna find him.

Victim 3: [coughing] Marco! Marco!

Matt Casey: Ma’am!

Kelly Severide: I got him!

Joe Cruz: Get this guy out of here!

Peter Mills: Cruz, hold up. I’ll be back!

                    Come on, buddy. Up. I got you.

                                         [knocks on door]

Joe Cruz: Fire department! Clear the door!

                  Anybody in here? Call out!

Victim 4: [coughing]

Peter Mills: Come on.

Victim 3: [coughing]

Chief Boden: Got two minors, smoke inhalation. Get ‘em to the 

                        ambos. 

Christopher Herrmann: Let’s go.

Chief Boden: What do we got?

Kelly Severide: First and second floor are clear.

Victim 5: My leg!

Peter Mills: Watch your step here.

Victim 5: [groaning and grunting]

Matt Casey: Mills.

Peter Mills: Yeah?

Matt Casey: Where’s Cruz? 

Peter Mills: He’s still up there.

Joe Cruz: (over radio) This is Cruz on (into radio) three. All clear. 

                  Headed up to four now.

Matt Casey: (into radio) Cruz, wait for me. I’m coming up.

                                     [infrared beeping]

                                      [bangs on door]

Joe Cruz: Move away from the door.

                  [grunts]

                  Fire department! Call out! 

Victim 6: [coughing]

Joe Cruz: Leon!

Victim 6: [coughing]

Joe Cruz: Leon!

Victim 6 (Flaco): [coughing]

                            Thank God. Joe… help me…

                             [coughing & wheezing] Help me!

                             [coughing] Please!

                             [coughing] Please! Help… 

                             [wheezing] Joe!

                                                [door shuts]

Joe Cruz: (into radio) This is Cruz up top. All clear.

                                                 cutscene

Chief Boden: [exhales] Hell of a job you did out there, Joe.

                       Hey… we missed one.

                       Don’t beat yourself up about it. If you hadn’t gotten us

                        through that gauntlet, we might have missed them all.

Otis Zvonecek: Casey. Hey, you’re not gonna believe this.

                           So I ordered a background check on Sandra and 

                           Richard Vaughn…

Matt Casey: Otis I don’t…

Otis Zvonecek: And they are leveraged up to their eyeballs. It’s one

                           judgement after the next. They… They’re staving

                           off bankruptcy. They’re in financial ruin. And

                            Mr. Vaughn… investigated twice for wire fraud.

                             236 subscribers are gonna hear about this on my

                             next podcast.

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): Well, Lieutenant Casey. Four hour call, huh?

                                 That was… pretty convenient.

Matt Casey: It’s insurance fraud. The woman with the diamonds? 

                     They’re broke.

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): What do you do off-shift, drive around in a van

                                  solving mysteries?

                                                [door shuts]

Matt Casey: Ugh.

                                            [knocks on door]

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): Lieutenant Casey. You’re up.

Matt Casey: What is it you’re hoping for, Griffin?

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): Toss the room. Search him.

Matt Casey: Seriously? Come on.

                      It’s all yours.

                                                  cutscene

Leslie Shay: It was extremely careless on our part. You leave a bag

                      of full medication on a curb at a college campus,

                      you’re asking for trouble.

Chief Boden: And you are gonna be so much more careful in the 

                       future, right?

Leslie Shay: Yes, sir.

Gabby Dawson: Absolutely, Chief.

Chief Boden: Hmm. Okay. 

                        Just write down what you told me. Don’t sign

                        anywhere until you bring these back, because I

                        have to witness your signatures. If you would

                        like Mouch to go over it with you as your union 

                         representative, you do have that right.

Gabby Dawson: You want us to sign it in blood, or will blue ink 

                             suffice?

Chief Boden: Don’t you drag your heels now.

Gabby Dawson: No, we’ll get it right back to you, Chief.

Chief Boden: Shay… one moment.

Leslie Shay: What is it, Chief?

Chief Boden: Nothing. Go on.

                                                   cutscene

                                          [R&B music playing]

                               [panting, kissing sounds & moaning]

Renee Royce: Skinny margaritas.

Kelly Severide: What?

Renee Royce: Skinny on the calories, not the alcohol. 

Kelly Severide: Ah! Ahh.

                          You have a really nice place.

Renee Royce: Mmm, thank you.

Kelly Severide: Guess it pays to work in… foreign financial…

Renee Royce: International finance law. Yes, it does. But I want to

                         hear about you and how you fight fires every day.

Kelly Severide: It’s not every day. On 24, off 48.

Renee Royce: Oh yeah?

Kelly Severide: Yeah.

Renee Royce: I didn’t know that.

Kelly Severide: Uh, huh.

Renee Royce: And then what do you like to do on your off days?

Kelly Severide: I repair boats up near Monroe Harbour. 

Renee Royce: Um, do you go out to the lake much?

Kelly Severide: Yeah, more in the summers, but…

Renee Royce: Mmm. I haven’t been out in a while

Kelly Severide: I’ll take you some time.

Renee Royce: Oh, will you now?

Kelly Severide: Any time you want, Royce. Just say the word.

Renee Royce: Hmm.

Kelly Severide: What?

Renee Royce: Who was she?

Kelly Severide: What do you mean?

Renee Royce: The Renee that ruined my name.

Kelly Severide: She was my fiancée.

                                                  cutscene

                                             [car door shuts]

                                            [knocks on door]

Matt Casey: Evening, ma’am.

Lady 1 (Sandra Vaughn): Can I help you?

Matt Casey: I just wanted to apologise on behalf of Truck 81 for

                      your missing item, and to let you know we’re going 

                      to get to the bottom of it.

Lady 1 (Sandra Vaughn): Well, I should hope so. 

Matt Casey: This is a thermal imaging camera. It’s a really great

                      piece of technology. It helps us see through the 

                      thickest smoke. 

Lady 1 (Sandra Vaughn): Okay.

Matt Casey: We all carry them, and we leave them recording the

                      whole time we’re on a call. And actually I’m on my

                      way to drop all our cameras off with the police so

                      they can review the footage, and see exactly what

                      happened the entire time my men and I were inside

                      your home. 

                      So don’t worry.

Lady 1 (Sandra Vaughn): Okay. Is that it?

Matt Casey: Yeah.

Lady 1 (Sandra Vaughn): Great. So maybe you should leave now.

                                               [door shuts]

                                                cutscene

                         [locker opening and things falling out]

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): Son, you’re a slob.

Man 6 (Man in uniform): Got something.

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): Oh yeah. Oh boy. Gimme that. Gimme that.

                                 Oh, false alarm. Just an adorable pair of kitty 

                                  cat cufflinks.

Mouch: It’s the maneki-neko, a Japanese good luck charm.

              And those were a Christmas gift if you don’t mind.

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): Hey, domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

Mouch: That doesn’t even make sense.

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): Chief Boden, have you been able to locate

                                 Lieutenant Casey?

Matt Casey: I’m right here.

                                             [cell phone rings]

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): Griffin.

                                  Is that a fact?

                                  That’s very interesting.

                                   No, thank you.

                                   The diamonds slipped down into a heat

                                    register, apparently. Mrs. Vaughn just 

                                    found ‘em.

Mouch: You gotta be kidding me. 

Christopher Herrmann: What a surprise.

Man 1 (Ted Griffin): Less paperwork for me. Hallelujah. Let’s go.

                                 Do say hi to your mom for me.

Matt Casey: Door’s that way.

                                              [door shuts]

Christopher Herrmann: All right… so what’d you do?

Matt Casey: Nothing. I just told her we recorded the whole thing on

                      our thermal cameras, you know. 

Christopher Herrmann: Yeaahhh…

Peter Mills: Wait, thermal cameras don’t record. 

Christopher Herrmann: [gasps]

Peter Mills: Oh. That’s good.

Christopher Herrmann: Ooh.

Capp: Casey, you have a visitor in the briefing room.

Matt Casey: Chris. This is a nice surprise. Merry Christmas.

                                             [kissing sound]

Christie: Yeah, Matt. Merry Christmas.

                Almost done shopping [chuckles]

                I couldn’t remember if you’re a large or extra large,

                but there’s a gift receipt in there.

Matt Casey: Oh. That’s really sweet. Thank you.

Christie: Since we saw you at the cemetery… Violet’s been pretty

                flipped out. “Why doesn’t Uncle Matt ever come to see

                 us? And does he not like us? Do you not like him?”

                  And she shouldn’t have to be asking those questions. 

                  And… that’s on you and me. 

Matt Casey: Absolutely it is, yeah. 

Christie: I feel like she’s been without her uncle, and… I’ve been

               without my brother for too long.

Matt Casey: Yeah, I want nothing more than for us to be in each

                      other’s lives. The last time we talked about it…

Christie: I know. I remember the conversation.

Matt Casey: [sighs] 

Christie: [exhales] So you’re still defending her?

Matt Casey: I’m not gonna turn my back on her.

Christie: Don’t you miss dad?

                                               cutscene

Matt Casey: Yeah, but there’s something.

Gabby Dawson: Excuse me one second. I need to steal him.

Matt Casey: Um, uh, bye.

                      Drink? 

Gabby Dawson: Oh, thank you.

                            Oh, I can’t wait to show you this room.

Matt Casey: Okay.

                      Ooh. 

                       Wow.

Gabby Dawson: It’s nice, right?

Matt Casey: Yeah.

Gabby Dawson: [clears throat] Oh, and hey, I promise I won’t let my

                            aunt corner you again [chuckles] like that. 

                            I’m sorry.

Matt Casey: [chuckles] It’s okay. She’s… she’s fun.

Gabby Dawson: Yeah, she’s better when you’re drunk.

                             Oh, better learn how to keep up, buddy boy.

Matt Casey: Yeah.

Both: [chuckles]

Gabby Dawson: I mean… are we just here as friends, or… is this a 

                            date?

Matt Casey: I can’t. I mean…

Gabby Dawson: No, yeah. I get it.

Matt Casey: It’s not a good time. 

Gabby Dawson: [clears throat]

Matt Casey: Because it’s worth doing right. 

                      Right?

Lady 2: Oops sorry. Don’t mind us.

Gabby Dawson: [clears throat] Uh, you ready for dessert?  

                            I’m ready… for dessert?

                                                   cutscene

Leon Cruz: This is crazy, bro. I was just up there, like, ten minutes

                    before it all went down. Flaco sent me to get Shorty.

                     Otherwise… I don’t know…[sighs] Somebody’s gotta

                     be up there looking out for me.

                     Joe, you okay?

Joe Cruz: I can’t. I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I… 

                  [breathing unsteadily]

                                                     cutscene

Kelly Severide: You’re up early.

Leslie Shay: You know I love you, right?

Kelly Severide: Okay, what’s going on?

Leslie Shay: I love you because I know you’d stick your neck out for

                      me the way I have for you.

Kelly Severide: Of course I would.

Leslie Shay: And I did that to get you over the hump.

Kelly Severide: Which you totally did.

Leslie Shay: And then I found these in the trash.

Kelly Severide: Those are ol… they’re old.

Leslie Shay: I perjured myself for you, Kelly.

Kelly Severide: Shay…

Leslie Shay: I’m out.

Kelly Severide: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean?

Leslie Shay: I mean I’m out. We had a deal… we wouldn’t get in

                     each other’s business, but I can’t hold up my end. 

                      So I’m out.

Kelly Severide: Shay, it’s okay. I got it.

                          I got it. I got it.

Leslie Shay: No, you don’t got it!

                      I’m not gonna sit here and watch you… just fool 

                      yourself.

                      I’ll get the rest of my stuff later.

Kelly Severide: Shay, hey, please don’t go.

                           Please don’t…please don’t do this.

                                        [door opens and shuts]

Kelly Severide: [sighs]

                                                 cutscene

Joe Cruz: [breathing unsteadily]

                                        [cell phone vibrates]

Voicemail (Matt Casey): This is Matt Casey. Leave it here and I’ll 

                                          call you back.

Joe Cruz: Lieutenant, it’s Joe Cruz. Um… Casey, man, I need to talk

                  to you. Uh… It’s really important. I, uh… [sighs] I, um…

                                               cutscene

                                         [whistle blowing]

Gabby Dawson: Here we go. I’ll make my brother get the rest of

                            your stuff tomorrow. And you are totally welcome

                            to stay with me as long as you want.

Leslie Shay: Thanks.

Gabby Dawson: You gonna tell me what he did?

Leslie Shay: No. You gonna tell me how your date went?

Gabby Dawson: Nope. 

                            He’s good. 

Police Officer: Thank you.

                                    [dispatcher chatter over radio]

Leslie Shay: Come on, give me something.

Gabby Dawson: [chuckles] Well, I was right about Casey. He’s still

                            into Hallie. And I’m an idiot.

                                                    cutscene

                                                [whistle blows]

                                                 [door buzzes]

Matt Casey: Hi, mom.

                                                    cutscene

                                                      [traffic]

Leslie Shay: Tomorrow night, you and me are gonna have a few 

                      margaritas.

Gabby Dawson: Heh! A few pitchers, you mean.

Leslie Shay: Yeah, that was implied.

                                                 [horn blaring]

                                          [cars & truck skidding]

Shay & Dawson: [gasps]

                                          [truck and ambo crash]

                                                      - end -

Definitions:

Buyout = Purchase of the target’s outstanding debt.

Internal Affairs Division = A division of a law enforcement agency which investigates cases of allegations of misconduct and complaints against any member of the fire department, and the necessary actions taken.

Toradol = Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug. It works by reducing hormones that cause inflammation and pain in the body. Toradol is used short-term (5 days or less) to treat moderate to severe pain.

PIC = Paramedic in charge

C-collar = Cervical collars (C collars) are used to support your spinal cord and head, and to limit the movement of your neck and head. They’re typically meant for short-term use while you recover from an injury, surgery, or pain.

DOA = Dead on arrival

Drive-by vehicle to vehicle = Shooting someone in a moving car from a moving car

Thermal imaging camera = Type of thermographic camera used in fire fighting. By rendering infrared radiation as visible light, such cameras allow firefighters to see areas of heat through smoke, darkness, or heat-permeable barriers.

Maneki-neko = Common Japanese figurine, which is often believed to bring good luck to the owner. The figurine depicts a cat, traditionally a calico Japanese Bobtail, with a paw raised in a Japanese beckoning gesture.

Domo arigato = Japanese phrase meaning “Thanks a lot”. The Japanese phrase said in this episode is part of a Japanese song.

[thatsdemko]

Boyfriend-L.Martin

Requested: yes|no

A/N: if you don’t know what song this is inspired by just by the title we cannot be friends....(also I don’t have any gifs of Luke :( )

Let me know your thoughts if you have any!

You had no idea how long the teasing and flirting had been going on, but you just started picking up on it. Luke had a huge crush on you since sophomore year and he knew you were single, you were best friends. He knew you were looking for somebody to start something with and who better than the guy who knew you the most.

“Morning,” you sighed seeing Luke come down into the kitchen, you lived in the house next door with your group of friends and you had a spair key to their house and they had one to yours. It had its ups and downs for the use of them.

“Why so pouty?” He asked, you held up the expired almond milk to him, “you are out and so are we.” You threw it in the trash looking at your bowl of cereal you had poured like you had been for the past couple of minutes.

“I’ll go get some for you.”

“Aw, really?”

“Nope cause I’m not your boyfriend.” He snatched your bowl shoving his hand in eating the dry cereal knowing you wouldn’t. You had to give him credit for that, Luke had been trying to get you to notice him, and he eventually gave up deciding to be blunt about it.

“I’m going back to my house, you guys have nothing to eat anyway.” You took your keys going over to Luke wiping the crumb off his cheek, “shouldn’t be taking care of you, I’m not your girlfriend.” You gently shoved his head jokingly, leaving the house in a jog before Luke could catch up to you.

“We have spoons you know?” Griffin came into the kitchen seeing Luke eating at the kitchen table, he nodded pushing the cereal away from him, “where’s our milk?”

“It’s expired, y/n was just here.”

“Ohhh you mean your dream girlfriend?” Griffin joked grabbing whatever fruit was left in the fridge standing there in the kitchen leaned up against the countertop.

“You used to think she was cute too.”

“Yeah, I did, but I moved on. You should too.”

—

“You go visit the boys today?” One of your roommates came into your room that afternoon, usually about now you and Luke would go get lunch together, but he had to cancel for a made up reason. You saw his location was still at the house not at his make believe doctors appointment.

“I did this morning. Has Luke always been into me? Be honest.” You closed your books looking over at her in the door way of your room. Whenever you asked any of the boys they just ignored the question or changed the subject, it was like speaking about Luke’s feelings about you was forbidden.

“Gosh I don’t know, you guys would be a good couple. Why don’t you ever give him a chance?” She asked, you had been down that road before. Being in a relationship with someone you were best friends with and then the relationship ended. You hated that feeling of having no one anymore, it scared you.

“He’s not my type.”

“Y/n, he checks every box off, what the fuck do you mean ‘not my type’?”

You went to speak when you were cut off by the sound of someone knocking on your front door, your roommate went to get it and you got up to look out your window seeing it wasn’t Luke.

‘No lunch? And a fake appointment? Kind of an asshole move, Marty.’

—

That evening you were all hanging out together at your house, you decided not to bring up the lunch and fake doctors appointment with Luke unless he mentioned it to you. You had noticed him trying to ignore you, every so often you felt his eyes on you and when you tried to catch him his eyes darted away.

“I’m going into the kitchen, does anybody want anything?” You asked noticing Luke’s bottle was almost empty, they all shook their heads thanking you for the offer.

You went into the kitchen hearing a pair of feet behind you, “so did you want something?” You turned around to see Luke standing behind you, he set his beer down next to the many empties that were starting to take over your counter.

“I wanted to apologize for lying to you.”

“Thank you, apology accepted. What can I get for you?”

“I can get it myself.” He opened the fridge finding himself a beer and offered to hand you one when the fridge closed behind him, “eh you can just get it yourself, if you were mine I would get it for you.” The smirk on his face turned you on, the gleeful appearance knowing he just got you seemed to do something to you.

“Well you’ve never asked me out.” You spoke up, the living room fell silent and Luke turned on his heel to face you, “never seemed interested in wanting a boyfriend. You put out some false advertisement, y/l/n.”

“Go on please ask me out, let’s see how it goes for you.”

“Alright, you want to go on a date?”

“Oh shoot I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m going out with my boyfriend Luke Martin, you know him?”

Luke chuckled knowing you got him good he nodded his head walking back over to you, “I’m a little familiar with his work. Why don’t I make it up to you, lunch tomorrow?”

“Dinner, know how to treat your girl.”

“I’ll work on it.”

[spookyboogie3]

MY FAVORITE AH MOMENTS W/O R*an H*yw**d

Also keep in mind some of these moments i picked Bitch Face r*an may have been present for but this aint about his stupid ass. 

The straw bit on Off Topic

Fiona and Trevor’s “Look at us” “Look at us” “Look at us” in TTT

Drunk Jeremy inhaling helium, followed by Jack and Trevor on Off Topic

“Krusty KrAYAYAB!!!” TTT

Jeremy trying to slam his face through a table, followed by Michael doing the same thing

“my god…… the munchdew” “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” Minecraft: Skyfactory

Actually all of Simple Farmer Geoff from Skyfactory

Whatever those sounds were that Jack was making in the beginning of GTA video

Alfredo screaming as he continues to fall down a steep tube in a GTA race

DESTROYING THEIR OFFICE DEAR LORD

“How did he drown though?” “UNDERWATER, MATT!”

Anytime Fiona starts to RAGE in TTT (bonus if others join in)

The time Gav was the phantom in TTT and he kept dying and being brought back and Jack spitting water and then trying to catch it

Alfredo’s Magoo moments in Minecraft

Geoff laughing in the background of a video hes not in

Lindsay fucking around with Chef Mike on Harecore Minigolf

Lindsay fucking around in general

Gavin and Fiona playing Animal Crossing and laughing at the stupidest shit

The Fish Tempura incident on Wheel of Fortune

Lindsay’s reasoning for why her and Michael should have 4 kids

Geoff’s fucking ad reads (my favorite is 23&Me)

The whole thing during Push the Button where everyone especially Michael gets mad at Fiona because she said the best candy to get while trick or treating was lollipops

Matt’s fucking desk in the corner of the room

Anytime Millie is in a video

Everyone falling off the pink ladder during TTT and dying repeatedly because of it

Alfredo “the two-time champ” Diaz dying very early in YDYD 3

Gavin and Michael fucking up almost every game they play on Play Pals

RAY OR NO and then RAY OR NAY on Off Topic

Reddit Roasts Geoff

Gavin asking if someone could kill 20 cows with their bare hands and the proceeding so say he could rip out a cow’s veins by reaching into its neck

Ify’s narration during Let’s Roll Ave Caesar

The internet losing its shit when Jeremy shaved his head years ago

“We need a knife” Gavin comes back with a hammer

Griffin chain sawing the Off Topic table up

“How do I put the boat in the water??” “Right click you animal”

As of 2020, 8 years of playing Minecraft, certain people still do not know how to play the basics of this fucking game.

Honestly it took over 200 episodes for some of them to figure out how the compass worked. You know after they decided that the sun was setting in the wrong direction. (this was in 2016??)

Flynt coal still is a joke they make

So is Day 2

Whatever happened in that GTA lets play where someone called a mugger or a hit on someone and the game glitched and 50 guys showed up and lined up on the street below from where they were playing

Anytime Gavin gets mugged, it’s an old running gag but it’s a classic

The time a mugger fucking started driving the fire truck away after mugging Gavin with Michael and Jeremy still in the truck thinking the other is driving and it takes them like 2 minutes to realize what happened while Gavin’s yelling “come back”

They got a water jug and immediately started water boarding each other

“It pinged and went dingle”

“Hey Trey-Boi” “Hey Gay-Boi” Immediately realizes what he has said

Jeremy’s website puns

(OLD) Ray jerking off in the corner during a let’s play

(OLD) the world in Minecraft never loading and everyone screaming about as Geoff says its fine for him

Jeremy’s “I AM MONSTER TRUCK”

Jack taking AH to Disney……in Minecraft

On Twitter, Gavin asked about recommendations for a computer mouse and Fiona starts sending him pictures of actual mice.

“Its not ghey, if its on the moon”

Literally anything Fiona does as Po

Jeremy saying the heterosexual flag is boring

UNO THE MOVIE!

Geoff fucking cackling the whole time.

“here’s looking at you kid”

the video was almost 3 hours long

“you know what my favorite color is? blue” “oh really? You know what my favorite hand is? Yours

They all want it to end but no one wants to lose and so they fuck each other and that prolongs the game. Also they put on more rules, so they just keep getting more cards if they don’t have a card to match the previous

Alfredo saying he won’t participate in ghost hunter because he knows what happens to people of color in horror movies

Fiona walking in on Off Topic with a protein shake and Gavin asks if shes drinking milk and she says without missing a beat “ah no that’s cum” and everyone laughed not expecting the answer

(OLD) “SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER” *falls in hole*

(OLD) Ray and Gav running in a panel dressed as X-Ray and Vav and Ray running the whole way around the room before he got to the stage

Duck taping Jeremy to the wall

(OLD) All of Minecraft Episode 3 Plan G (This was the very first AH video I watch and why I know who they are)

Geoff and Gav creating Achievement City and giving everyone houses just to prank Jack into burning house down with lava.

Ray’s house is a dirt block with no furniture and single torch

Geoff’s giant ass house next to Ray’s tiny house

Jack tries to destroy everything with lava throughout the episode

“lets be honest, I realistically didn’t lose anything”

Michael stealing art from Gav’s house “NOO! I want nice things”

The sign to Michael’s says “Awaiting Approval, Awaiting Approval, Awaiting Approval” he runs into house and say “I’m home”

Ray also steals this sign at some point

Plan G – The failsafe.

“Oh whats this? Is this a button? Whats this? (pushes button) Yeah it was a button”

“Did you push the button?”

“Yeah”

“okay”

“wh-what does it do?”

“uh…”

Cue Achievement City beginning to explode as Michael starts screaming

Rays reaction “NO, MY SHITTY HOUSE JUST GOT EVEN SHITTIER!”

Not something funny but something VERY IMPORTANT. AH admitting that they all fucked up and how shitty their behavior was when dealing with harassment in the fanbase. People were racist, sexist, homophobic, misogynistic, and just downright horrible to a lot of the employees at RT and AH. This came up after Mica Burton left the company and talked about it publicly and how nothing was done about it. Fiona who also experiences these same things, along with Lindsay and other employees, but Fiona took the charge on the Off Topic talking about people can’t continue to get away with that behavior. She got to sound off her feelings to a group of white men who all respected her and LISTENED to what was saying and how she felt. She cried; Geoff cried. They all want to do more, so this doesn’t happen in the future and they’re not tolerating the racist and horrible comments. AH taking a mature moment to talk about how they failed to stop these comments and Geoff was right when he said the company has a long way to go.

 Outside of AH each member has more to them than just all of the comedy and laughs and dumb shit they do

Geoff helped found Roosterteeth and Achievement Hunter. He has a beautiful daughter in Millie who is awesome in her own right. He’s a recovering alcoholic. Currently doing F**k Face podcasts. Was in the fucking army. Takes accountability for every mistake he makes.  

Jack also helped start Achievement Hunter. He does so much work for charity. His twitter is full of things to help people go vote. He’s like the dad to AH, especially Fiona. He’s happily married to his wife Caiti.

Michael was an electrician and has a lot of handy man experience. He made a few videos online about him raging at games and that got the attention of RT. He’s currently married to Lindsay who he met because of RT. They have two kids together.

Gavin is an expert at high speed filmmaking and know how use and edit footage from a slow-motion camera. He has worked on actual films. One of the creators of the Slow Mo Guys. Worked his ass off to get to work for RT. Currently dating model and cosplayer Meg Turney

Lindsay flips between being the mom of the group and a complete chaos queen and we all love her for it. She started as an editor for the RT podcast and then AH stuff. She is an incredible voice actor, most known for Ruby Rose (RWBY), Space Kid (Camp Camp), Hilda (Xray & Vav) just to name a few. She also has a degree in finance

Jeremy started as a fan who made videos on the community page. He took over Ray’s place after Ray left to do Twitch full time. He is a self-published author and a skilled rapper and singer. He’s currently married to his wife, Kat.

Matt also started as a fan making videos on the community page. He actually interacted and made stuff for the guys in really early Minecraft episodes. Seriously this guy is like king of Minecraft. He has a degree in electrical engineering. He also has pretty decent singing voice.

Trevor is THE BOSS. Has a degree in aero-space engineering and is getting paid to babysit AH. Currently dating Barbara Dunkelman, RTs queen of puns.

Alfredo worked at IGN before RT and is a well-known streamer. He is the best when it comes to first person shooter games. He and Trevor look so similar.

Fiona. Po. Her majesty. Host of This Just Internet. A Twitch streamer. Baby of the bunch. Grew up in Europe. Her and Gav act like a pair of siblings. She has stated and showed time and time again she will fight for people to have safe spaces for anyone who needs them.

Ify, our new guy. He is wonderful and I want to stay forever. He’s a comedian, a writer, and an actor. Co hosts F-ing Around with Fiona. Has his own film podcast, Who Shot Ya? I look forward to more content with him in it, cause everything he’s been in so far has been great.

 Were all hurting but well make it through this

We have all these wonderful moments and a lot more that I didn’t list and this incredible team of personalities with their own accomplishments and achievements. Not to mention old team members who were also great additions and the entire crew behind the scenes editing and making videos look the best that they can.

 Here’s to Achievement Hunter and to this community. We need to be here for each other in times like these.

@theonyxranger gave me the idea for this based on their own post they made about the fans giving their favorite moments without bitch face and there were just too many. Oop.