#it shall be a long one-shot

[ae-azile]

Working Title: The Non-Newtonian Newborn (Or How Kim Theerapanyakul Became a Virgin Father and Got the Guy of his Dreams)

Summary:

Kim’s fans can be a little…intense. Ever since Why Don't You Stay was released, Kim's fame has continued to rise, but so have the inappropriate comments and flirtations, number of stalkers, and the number of strange gifts. And none of those things matter when Chay has yet to say more than a few words to him. He doesn't want any of the excess attention, propositions for sex, or gifts unless it comes from Chay.

He's so pathetic. He doesn't know why people leave him gifts in front of his apartment building. But none of those compare to the confusion he feels when he finds a newborn baby outside his front door. It's the strangest “gift” he has ever received and it's one he has to contact the police over.

Again.

And again.

And again.

When the baby appears at the foot of his bed out of thin air, Kim figures he may need help that no cop can offer. But until he can find the kind of help he needs to get this baby out of his life, he is moving back to the compound for the first time since he was seventeen. He hates the thought of it, but he's not staying in his apartment with a cursed baby. At least Khun and Kinn are at the compound, as well as guards who can tend to this thing so Kim doesn't have to.

As for Chay’s presence? It's a big building. If Chay truly doesn't want to see him, Kim will stay out of his way, deal with this problem, and Chay will be none the wiser.

Pairings: KimChay, side Armkhun, side KinnPorsche, side VegasPete+Macau

Rating: M

Warnings: forced parenthood, stalking

Key Tags: Magical/Cursed babies, crack treated seriously, KimChay reconciliation, KimChay as co-parents, friends to crushes to enemies to co-parents to lovers.

Fic Preview Below Cut:

Kim can fully admit he once loved the attention he received from his music career, at least for the most part. The obvious lust some fans had for him could be a source of discomfort. Regardless of the charisma and occasional flirtatious disposition he would exude on stage, that wasn't really Kim. That was WIK.

After his fall out with Chay, it's harder to be WIK, which is a shame. His catapulting fame expects him to be WIK more than ever. However, “Kim” and “WIK” are no longer two sides of the same coin, not like Kim thought they once were. Kim and WIK are two very different people. Every day, it's gets harder and harder to be WIK, especially when both Kim and WIK remember what Kim had done.

He had been so fucking stupid. Why couldn't have he just asked Chay to talk privately when Chay confronted him outside the compound? Expressed why he did what he did? Done anything but admit his wrongs in the worst possible way, leave Chay a crying mess in front of the compound, and fuck up his own heart in the scheme of things? Despite Chay meeting him as WIK, Kim had felt like he could be himself around Chay - or at least the version of himself that Kim strived to be. Chay brought out a side that Kim could actually tolerate, one that wasn't forced. It was a side that felt affection, kindness, and hope, and it had been so easy to be and feel that way when he wasn’t reminded of why he was tutoring Chay in the first place.

He ruined everything. He may be more successful than ever, but he ruined everything.

“Khun K…Wik,” Clyde says, his voice coming out in a grunt as he holds a woman in a hold from behind, “You have another unwanted vis-”

“P’WIK!!!!!!!!"

Kim lets out a sigh and walks over to the woman, bending down slightly to make eye contact with her.

He hates eye contact.

“Thank you for your continued support,” Kim tells her as she struggles in Clyde’s arms, “But this is my home and I need to maintain boundaries for my continued safety-”

“I LOVE YOU, P’WIK!” the woman screeches in his face, trying to drop herself down to the floor. When she succeeds to an extent, she begins kicking at his ankles. Does she expect sudden love and devotion from him if she kicks his ankles?

“I am giving you a chance to go home without further action taken,” Kim tells her calmly, taking one step back, “Leave. Now.”

The woman’s breath is heaving as her kicking legs gradually come to a halt. She looks up at him with tear filled, adoring eyes and lets out a cry.

“I will show you we are soulmates, P’Wik. I swear I will.”

“Again, thank you for your continued support. Go home.”

The woman slowly gets to her feet and promptly launches herself at him. Kim really does not want to fight her. That isn't what he wants as he stands stiffly in her hold. But when she yanks at his hair and gets several stray fingers caught in between her fingers, Kim gives Clyde a nod and she is promptly tased.

“It's the third time she had come by this week,” Clyde says as she lies there in a daze, “She came in telling me you were meant to be together and that you were thinking of proposing soon.”

“What is her name again?” Kim asks, glancing down at her.

“Hom Thepnakorn. I suggest if you don't want to contact your father and have her taken care of the way he would insist on, then you should get a restraining order.”

One is brutal, but swift and can be swept under the rug. The other is a process that will likely attract some level of media attention.

But when Kim looks down at her, it's clear this woman is sick. Not evil, not a murderer. Sick and in need of help.

“Call the police, mention my father’s name if needed,” Kim says to Clyde, “Tell them that a woman who is in need of psychiatric support is at our address. Any other incidents today?”

Clyde lets out a sigh, puts on some gloves, and starts bringing up things from behind the desk, “You have been left three bouquets of flowers, two bras, four pairs of underwear, a jockstrap, a pizza in the shape of a heart, and a very large egg.”

Kim jerks his head back at the sight as Clyde opens the box, “A very large egg?”

Clyde nods Hom, who is still on the floor, “She wanted to give it to you. It doesn't seem to be a bomb.”

Kim looks down at the egg, then picks it up out of the case.

“Khun Wik, we don't know what substances could be on it.”

“Why would you give me an egg?” Kim says, looking down at it. It's green. It's also glowing.

“Will this blow me up?”

Hom blinks, then shakes her head, “Never, P’Wik. You are my soulmate. I would never hurt you or anyone you care about.”

“Hm,” Kim acknowledges, then promptly lets the egg fall to the ground. Clyde lets out shout and takes cover, all while Kim looks down in fascination at the swirling orange, green, purple, and white substance. It swirls around Kim’s feet, never mixing in color, yet is rapidly swirling around him.

“What is this?” Kim asks more directly, entranced and confused by the sight.

He had dropped it in hopes of breaking the woman’s heart. When he broke Chay’s heart, Chay pretty much blocked Kim out of his life. It's Kim's biggest regret and the rare dinners Kim has to go to that Chay also attends are a source of intense pain, but also the one thing Kim looks forwards to. It's pathetic. Kim had thought this woman might banish him out of her life for doing the same. At least it would be wanted.

But that doesn't seem to be the case. Instead of screaming or crying with heartbreak and disappointment, the woman squeals with delight, kicking her feet against the floor as if she is the happiest woman on earth. She crawls over just far enough to release the stray hairs from her fingertips, letting them fall into the swirling circle. Kim can't help but be disturbed by the happy and satisfied glint in her eye, all while Clyde takes on the task of calling the police for the assistance of removing a mentally ill woman. As they wait, the woman just stays on the ground while she watches the swirling liquid with fascination. When Kim tries to step out of the circle that has formed around him, it follows and forms a circle around him once more.

“It's pink!” She shouts, pointing at the circle, “That's exactly what I wanted!”

Kim glances down at the liquid in absolute confusion. If anything, those colors should have mixed into a murky brown or gray. But sure enough, the circle around him is light yet vibrant pastel pink. It only stops and disappears through the floor seconds before the cops arrive.

“You’ll love me soon, P’Wik,” the woman says, smiling brightly as two cops pick her up off the floor, handcuff her, and escort her through the door, “I promise. We will be tied together forever. We’re soulmates, I know it-”

“Come on, ma’am,” one of the cops say, “To the car. You are lucky this man isn't taking further action against you-”

“I LOVE YOU, P’WIK!!!”

Kim makes sure he says nothing in return, focusing on giving his statement on what happened before addressing Clyde directly.

“I'm sorry for the added stress that my…admirers have caused you recently-”

“Khun Kim, with all do respect, she and several others who have stopped by the building are stalkers.”

Kim clears his throat, “I feel like that's a bit harsh-”

“If I may speak out of turn again, it really isn't.”

That's probably fair. On top of that, Clyde is mostly dealing with these visitors independently. Prior to the release of his new album, Kim saw no need to have excess security for the building. Logically, he knows he should have it, considering his job, as well as when he is reminded of whose son he is. But having guards on every corner reminds him of a childhood he didn't want. He sometimes fantasizes of a childhood where his mother lived past Kim's ninth birthday, one where Kinn could pursue music like Kim has, and one where Khun could have stayed popular, charismatic, academically gifted, and safe.

Pa never makes the cut for these fantasies, and they never take place at the compound. The family home Kim often dreams up strangely looks like the one Chay grew up in.

“I will hire a few more guards,” Kim says quietly. He hates the idea of it, but Clyde has been his doorman for a long time, and an employee of his family’s even longer. He was Ma’s guard, so when Kim was required to have at least one guard as a staff in this building, he chose him. He doesn't want him to leave, nor does he want him to get hurt.

“I apologize for the chaos and stress people have brought you,” Kim continues, “I know you didn't sign up for this when you first started here-”

“I signed up to protect you, Khun Kim, which is why I am concerned about the influx of these behaviors coming from various people,” Clyde says, then points at the floor, “We don't even know what that liquid was! I could be a health hazard! It swirled around you, changed colors, then got absorbed by the floorboards! If I thought I was seeing things!”

“It was probably just some…non-newtonian fluid.”

“Lava is a non-newtonian fluid, so is blood. Both can be harmful.”

“And some aren't,” Kim says, “Like ketchup.”

“That was NOT ketchup-”

“I’ve had a long day,” Kim says, walking towards the elevator, “I’ll look into more guards. Make sure the doors are locked tonight before your shift is over. Unless the are a tenant, make sure Red knows not to let anyone in.”

Clyde breathes out, “...Yes, Khun Kim. But if I may make one suggestion.”

Since the elevator hasn't arrived yet, Kim nods his head.

“Go on.”

“Stay at the compound for a while. It's safer there, and you will have more people who can come to your aid if something like this would happen again. Your address has clearly been leaked, and it has been attracting people you frankly don't want to attract. Even if they figure out you are staying with your family, it will be so much safer and you will likely avoid running into any of these stalkers at all-”

“No.”

“Khun Kim-”

“I said no,” Kim says, his voice more stern, “This will pass, Clyde. No one has come here with weapons. The most this woman did was lightly kick at my ankles and pull a few strands of my hair. That's it. I will get you more support staff, and I will even let you take some time off if that's what you need. But I am not moving back there. Ever.”

He could swear that Clyde is grumbling under his breath and rolling his eyes, but Kim isn’t going to call him out on it. He has a right to be frustrated. Kim understands the current situation is annoying.

But it still won't make Kim budge. He doesn't want to be around Pa, and Chay doesn't want to be around him. So he sticks to his decision, gets inside the elevator when it dings, goes to the top floor, and plans for a relaxing night.

It's easier said than done. It's hard to relax during any downtime he has. Silence brings on thinking, and thinking brings on obsessing over Chay. It has been about nine months since everything happened with Tawan. Nine months since Chay figured out who Kim really was.

It fucking hurts. Nine months later, and it still fucking hurts.

When the memories and regrets get to him this much, he has a habit of skipping dinner. He knows it isn't good for him, and he will sometimes find ways to climb his way out of this habit by cooking for himself. But last time he did that, he he squirted a smiley face on his plate with Sriracha sauce and it was a downward emotional spiral from there.

He chooses not to eat tonight, although maybe he should have. By the time he is ready for bed and brushing his teeth, a bout of sudden nausea hits him so intensely that it has him diving in front of the toilet to heave up the little he ate for lunch. It's painful, confusing, and frustrating. He never throws up.

He wonders if he is getting sick. Maybe it's stress from the stalker. Maybe the swirling, non-newtonian fluid omitted some sort of poisonous gas and now he's suffering the consequences.

He's probably overthinking it. Soon enough, he feels better. Slightly sore, but better. He's fine.

And even if he's not, so be it.

However, he can't help but worry slightly when he wakes up just as the sun is rising, feeling queasy again. He tries to push off the nausea for as long as he can until it becomes unbearable and he find himself throwing up in the toilet once more, spitting up a mixture of water and yellow bile.

He ends up not going into the studio. He usually would, but he doesn't have any pressing matters to attend to or any rehearsals scheduled. In fact, his people have been hinting to take advantage of the downtime. They think he has been stressed, and they say that his stress in particular is contagious.

So Kim will stay home today. He wouldn't want his employees and colleagues to catch this bug, or whatever stressful aura he has been giving off.

But when he hears something on the other side of the door, he wonders if he should have gone after all. It sounds like a cat. Maybe it belongs to one of his neighbors. That's the last thing Kim needs to do right now, call around and ask his neighbors who is missing a cat.

Regardless, he gets up and checks anyway. He likes cats, and one feeling stressed out by accidentally finding itself on the top floor isn't something Kim wants until he opens the door, takes in what it actually is, and wishes it were a cat instead.

“Why?” is all Kim asks, staring down at the baby, who is loosely swaddled in a pastel pink blanket, “Seriously. Who are you and why are you here?”

The baby gurgles happily and brings their arms out of the blanket, lifting them upwards. If Kim didn't know any better, he would assume the baby wants to be picked up. But this baby doesn't know him and Kim doesn't know this baby.

“No,” Kim says, then immediately shuts the door, leaving the baby in the hall. He can only keep up with that for about ten seconds before opening the door again, stepping out into the hallway, and begrudgingly lowering himself to the ground. As he looks at the baby, he feels extreme reluctance before reaching over to feel around their blanket.

“Who left you here?” Kim mutters to himself, looking for some kind of clue, “Do you have a tag or anything?

The baby just gurgles happily and lifts their arms again. Kim practically jumps out of his skin when the baby grabs a hold of his pointer finger and just…keeps holding it.

“I need that back,” Kim says stiffly, but lets them hold his finger until they let go on their own accord. Once they do, he calls down to the front desk.

“Have we had any visitors yet today?” Kim asks as soon as Clyde answers the phone.

“No, Khun Kim. It has been quiet so far.”

“I need you to go through the security footage and check,” Kim says, giving the baby a wary glance, “Someone left something outside my door.”

“What?”

“Look at the live feed and see for yourself.”

Kim waits silently as Clyde clicks whatever he needs to click to view Kim’s hallway camera feed. As soon as he does, Clyde clears his throat.

“Is that a baby, Khun Kim?”

“Yes.”

“A living and breathing baby.”

Kim shifts over to peer at the baby’s face, “Seems to be.”

“...I see. I will rewind the footage, see when they were left by your door, and then call the authorities. If you would like to bring them down, they can just pick the baby up out front.”

Kim really doesn't want to pick this baby up. But he would rather not invite people he doesn't know up to his floor, so he supposes he will suck it up and do it.

“You didn't take any breaks that would have left the front desk unoccupied?” Kim asks, holding the cellphone in the crook of his neck as he hesitantly and carefully lifts the baby into his arms.

“Of course not. Not with what happened yesterday.”

“What about our tenants? Are there any new parents?”

“No, Khun Kim. I am just as confused by this as you are. But I will make sure the child is handed over to the proper channels swiftly.”

“Good,” Kim mutters, staring down at the baby as he hangs up the phone. When he steps into the elevator, he sees the hint of a white piece of paper, nestled between the pink fabric and the baby’s stomach. Kim reaches in to grab it, then unfolds it with one hand.

Meet our beautiful love child.

You are my soulmate, P’Wik.

This proves it.

May our baby girl tie us together forever.

Love, Hom.

Only a part of Kim takes in the fact the letter is written in blood.

…This morning is stupid. All he wanted was a sick day.

[cloud-ya]

my reaction to sonic 3 post credit scene but as shadow because I had my very cool shadow hoodie on lol

[sluckythewizard]

[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.

[seventh-district]

so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

[t-lostinworlds]

so, i'm actually one scene (like the actual ending) away from finishing this fic???? it's currently at what ..... 27k words rn so it shouldn't take too long to edit and proofread

[nowendil]

.

[thompsborn]

i want hb peter to go to therapy So Bad

for his sake, of course, and the sake of his relationships moving forward—but also because it would be so fucking fun to write holy shit

[comradecowplant]

LMAO after all the backlash, the Pretty Little Liars reboot retconned Imogen giving her baby to Aria & Groomer 🤣 #bullyingworks

[altruistic-meme]

we may be feeling brain power?? just a smidgen??? shall we attempt to take control of it for a moment???

[victorluvsalice]

And since I already knew the pets needed a vet visit, it was off to Brindleton Bay and the Pawspital to get Kelly looked at! The vet was already pretty busy when they arrived, though only one technician was available -- the other was busy napping on the couch in the waiting room. XD Hey, being a vet is tiring work sometimes! Alice signed Kelly in for a check-up, and she and Victor decided to be adorable and slow-dance in the waiting room while the available tech brought Kelly to the examination room. :) I waited with bated breath for the diagnosis, wondering what it would be --

Nothing. According to the vet tech, Kelly was perfectly fine. O.o I thought "okay, maybe it WAS hairballs" and had them give her a preventative shot against future illness, while Alice bought a bunch of vet treats against same. I then thought, "well, I've been meaning to have this pair spayed anyway, might as well do it while I'm -- huh. Why is Shadow the only one who can be spayed? I thought for sure Kelly needed to be spayed as well..."

Those of you quicker on the uptake than I was have probably already figured out what was going on with Kelly now. *facepalm* But I was still living in blissful ignorance, so I signed Shadow up for her spay, then had Alice give Kelly a treat for being a good girl at the vet (as she had not seen the cat climb up on the counter with all the vet tools when the tech left her alone to go say hi to Shadow XD). She and Victor hung out chatting in the waiting room for a bit while Shadow got spayed, then Victor went to praise the poor cone-headed dog for being a good girl once she was out. Because you can't give treats to pets with cones, apparently -- how sad. :( At least she still knows she's loved!

Oh, and what was Smiler doing all this time? Collectible-hunting! I was TRYING to find frog logs in particular to see if I could scare up a spotted dirt frog, but no dice. So instead Smiler cracked open a few fossil rocks (one repeat of the fossilized udder, and one new one of a "perfectly preserved mustache," nice) and went fishing, grabbing a guppy and a tambaqui. They flew back to the Pawspital just as the pets were wrapping up, in time to fill the pet food auto-feeder because SOMEONE had to do it.

However, with the pets all sorted as much as possible, I figured Shadow and Kelly would like to recuperate from their experience at the vet someplace much nicer than this...

[thebearchives]

its about to hit 1:30 am, i've hit the 1.5k mark (ALL IN ONE SITTING!!!) and i've planned out a good 750 words worth of content

[theroseempress]

summer - for the document word search ask

This took quite a bit of searching, but after much labour, I have obtained a summer! Hurrah! Thank you for the ask!

The air tasted like rain, and a wind was blowing. Not strong, but it tasted like rain and mud and grass and trees and- And the grass was that stupid summer brown-yellow-green, and it looked like someone might have cut it a year ago, and the trees swayed distantly in the wind, and overhead the clouds shifted grey-black-blue-white-grey-again, and the whirr-whirr of the helicopter they were heading towards was sound, and- and oh dear lord Shalom could breathe again, even though his lungs felt like they were being crushed under the new sticky warmth of the air, and he could hear and see, and even though his head felt like someone was driving a stake into it with all the new input, Shalom would have died before he was going to try and block any of it out, because he was finally free again.

[niennanir]

Listen to your elders

So last week I posted abut the importance of downloading your fic. And then three days later AO3 went down for 24 hours. No one was more weirded out by this than I was. But while y’all were acting like the library at Alexandria was on fire I was reading my download fic and editing chapter eight of Buck, Rogers, and the 21st Century. And also thinking about what I could do to be helpful when the crisis was actually over.

So first off, I’m going to repeat that if you’re going to bookmark a fic, you really need to also download the fic and back it up in a safe place. I just do it automatically now and it’s a good habit to get into.

But let’s talk about some other scenarios. Last October I lost power for over a week after hurricane Ian. Apart from not having internet or A/C I did find plenty to do, I collect books so I had plenty to read, but maybe, unlike me, your favorite comfort reads aren’t sitting on a bookshelf. So let’s do something about that, shall we?

In olden times many long years ago around 1995 we printed off a lot of fic. It was mostly SOP to print a fic you planned to reread and stick it in a three ring binder. And that’s totally valid today too, but you can also make a very nice paperback with a minimum amount of skill and materials.

Let’s start with the download; Go to Ao3 and select your fic, we’ll be working with one of mine. This method works best with one shots, long fic tends to need a more complicated approach. Get yourself an HTML download

Open up the HTML download and select all then copy paste into any word processor. Set the page to landscape and two columns, then change the font to something you find easy to read, this is your book, no judgement. This is all you have to do for layout but I like to play a little bit. I move all the meta, summary, notes to the end and pick out a fun font for the title: 

No time like the present to do a quick proofread. Congratulations, you’ve just created your first typeset. On to the fun part.

Now you’re going to need some materials:  8.5x11in paper ruler one sheet of 12x12 medium card stock (60-80lb) scissors pencil pen or fine tip marker sheet of wax paper white glue two binder clips 2 heavy books or 1 brick butter knife

You’ll also need a printer, if you’re in the US there is almost a 100% chance your local library has a printer you can use if you don’t have your own. None of these materials are expensive and you can literally use cheap copy paper and Elmers glue.

Print your text block, one page per side. Fold the first page in half so that the blank side is inside and the printed side out:

use the butter knife to crease the edge. Repeat on all the sheets. When you’ve finished, stack them up with the raw edge on the left and the folded edge on the right. I used standard copy paper, because you’re only printing on one side there’s no bleed to worry about. Take the text block and line everything up. Use the binder clips to hold the raw edge in place.

Wrap the text block in the wax paper so that the raw edge and binder clips are facing out. I’m going to use my home built book press but you don’t need one, a brick or a couple of books or anything else heavy will work fine.

Once the text block is anchored down, take off he binder clips and get out the glue.

You can use a brush but you don’t need one, smear some glue on that raw edge.

Go make a margarita, watch The Mandalorian, call your mother. Don’t come back for at least an hour

In an hour smear some more glue on there and shift your brick forward so that the whole book is covered. This keeps the paper from warping. While glue part 2 is drying we’ll do the cover. Get out your 12x12 cardstock

Mark the cardstock off at 8.5 inches and cut it. Measure in 5.5 inches from the left and put in a score line with the butter knife (the back edge not the sharp edge)

Carefully fold the score line, this is your front cover. You have some options for the cover title, you can use a cutting machine like a cricut if you have one, you can print out a title on the computer and use carbon paper to transfer the text to the cardstock. I was in a mood so I just freehanded that beoch. Pencil first then in pen.

Take your text block out from under your brick. Line it up against the score mark and mark the second score on the other side of the spine

Fold the score and glue the textblock into the cover at the spine. Once the glue dries up mark the back cover with the pencil and then trim the back cover to fit with your scissors.

Voila:

I’m going to put this baby on the shelf next to the Silmarillion.

The whole process, not counting drying time, took less than an hour.

If you want to make a book of a longer fic, I recommend Renegade Publishing, they have a ton of resources for fan-binders. 

[pseudowho]

Link to Furry Little Problem (where you, Nanami Kento's wife, are turned into a cat for a week) here!

And, a link to @yuutaguro's exquisite art for Part One

It had been almost a week since you had turned back into a human, and Kento had seen most traces of the four-paws-and-sharp-claws Cat You, bleed away.

Most, at least; what concerned Kento, was that you weren't completely normal. He could overlook the way you would turn, and turn, and turn on the spot before settling onto the sofa. He could forgive the way you would spin on a pinhead, phantom ears pricked and still as the grave, at every little noise past the front door.

Kento drew the line, however, when you shot up from the dining table mid dinner conversation, to run headfirst into the patio doors with a thud. The sparrow that had landed just outside twittered, and flew away, as you sat, dazed. Kento buried his face in his hands.

"I'm sure it's not that bad, Nanami," Shoko had tutted, inviting you both into her office. "I'm sure it will just...just take, uh..."

You had been forced to pause at the door, to bat and chew at the loping leaves of her little pot plant. As Kento, ever patient and gentle, guided you with whispered reassurances away from the pot plant, and to the sofa, Shoko's clipboard drooped.

You dug your nails into the couch for a few seconds, pricking it all over, before sitting down in your seat with a satisfied little wiggle, and a smile.

Shoko's eyes flicked from you, to Kento, to you, and began, awkward.

"Let's...get a baseline, shall we? See how much of the cat still remains." Shoko reached behind her, rustling in a bag, before placing something long and green on the table before you. "I have a cucumb--"

You shot into the air like you were on springs, landing with a crash behind Shoko's sofa. The room was silent. Shoko's cigarette idly smoked in her ashtray. Kento buried his fingers into his hair, his elbows on his knees.

"Tell me...uh...tell me some of your experiences from the Cat Week, please, Nyanyami--"

Kento glared at Shoko.

The top of your head rose slowly up from behind the sofa, staring at the cucumber with an unhealthy amount of suspicion.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

"Stop that," Kento snapped at you, pausing the movie. You, toe-beaned and glossy and sweet, tilted your furry little head sideways. Kento could almost see the question mark over your head as you stared at him, unblinking and eerie.

The room was dark, save for the little lamp in the corner. The movie sat, inanimate. Kento felt a prickle up his spine; the shadows were thrown long and the room felt many-eyed and still. Kento stared you down. You stared Kento down. Kento narrowed his eyes. You tilted your head to the other side. A clock ticked.

"Meow," you said.

"I mean it," rumbled Kento, stern, "stop it."

You blinked, and chirped, and turned back to the movie. Kento breathed out a shaky sigh, and restarted it.

Five minutes later, Kento dropped the remote with a clatter, cursing.

"Stop staring behind me-- there's nothing behind me-- that's it, we're going to bed--"

Your unwavering gaze into the gloom behind Kento, was interrupted by him picking you up and slinging you over his shoulder. You chirped in protest.

"Mew-- meooooow--"

"I warned you, stop being creepy. It's bedtime for you, madam."

"Meow."

"Yes, I'll rub your tummy, just stop doing the thing--"

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

"I'm recommending Ino for the initiative. I think it would be good experience for him, in his plan to progress to--to...darling, please--"

Kento's face on the computer screen was obscured first by furry little face, then a body that dragged hair across his chest, and finally a jaunty little tail, raised and flicking. The other Zoom call participants were silent as Kento lowered you to the floor, where you fizzled up at him in tiny irritation.

"I apologise," Kento sighed to awkward silence, "just my wife--"

Clatter-- clatter-- clack.

The screen flickered. The Zoom call expanded, and shrunk, and expanded, and shrunk, and finally ended. Kento leaned back in his chair, watching you settle on his keyboard. You batted at the mouse, until it landed with a sad little clatter onto the office floor.

You looked at Kento, all pink nose and innocence. Kento's eyes narrowed. He looked into your eyes, looking past the cat to the you within.

"...you know exactly what you're doing, don't you, you absolute terror--"

"Meow," you replied, rolling onto your back to keyboard clatter, and showing him your belly.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

"Meow--"

"--no, you listen to me-- you did that on purpose--"

"Mew--meow, mrrrrow--"

"--don't give me that, you always hated that tie-- awfully convenient--"

"Mew, mew, meow--"

The neighbour watched, slack-jawed and confused, as his neighbour argued with a cat over a brandished, shredded red tie.

What was stranger, was when the cat seemed to argue back. The neighbour's little pot plant overflowed, the watering can slack in his hand.

"--we shall have words when I'm home," Nanami clipped, handing the tie back to you with a glare. You took it in your teeth, imperious as you turned your furry little back to him.

And so began the rumour amongst the neighbours, that Nanami Kento had gone mad.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

"Meow."

You bopped your head against Kento's shin. Gojo watched the vein throb in his temple.

"Meow."

You bopped your head onto Kento again, brushing up against his legs, and brushing, and brushing, and bopping your head. Kento ignored you, utterly steadfast. Gojo gulped.

"Ah, Nanami, I...I think she's hungry--"

"--she is not hungry, she's only just eaten breakfast--"

"Meow," you said. You dragged a plate to your usual spot at the dinner table with your teeth. You nosed a knife and fork into place next to it. You sat by it, staring at Kento. A few seconds passed. You pressed your paw to the middle of the plate, more insistent now, ticked off. "Meow."

Gojo felt a bead of sweat drop down his soul.

Kento spoke, uncharacteristically mild.

"You know, this is one part of her that's really not all that different to when she's human."

"Meow--"

"--yes, I'll get you a snack, give me a minute--"

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

"Yo, Nanamin! A package arrived for you."

"Ahh, Yuuji. Good. Bring it to the staffroom, please."

A rip. A rustle. You, circling round Kento as he rummaged in a box. Your tail twitched, and flicked, excited, excited, excited--

Boff.

A big, glass fishbowl was placed onto the staffroom table. Thrilled, you sprung up, and promptly poured yourself into the bowl, your form melting to fill the space perfectly. Your head peeped out of the top of the bowl. You purred.

Kento looked delighted. Yuuji tried not to laugh.

"How, er...how much was that fishbowl, Nanamin?"

"It doesn't matter how much it cost. She likes it, don't you? Yes, you do. Yes you do."

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

"Ex-excuse me, uhm...would you mind not hanging around outside the womens' bathrooms? We're starting to feel, uhm...uncomfortable."

Kento raised his eyebrows. He pushed his glasses up his nose. He bowed.

"I apologise. I assure you, I'm waiting for my wife--"

A toilet flushed behind closed doors. A scritch-scratch-scritch-scratch at the handle. The door edged open.

"Ah, there she is-- my apologies-- good afternoon--"

A cat ran out with toilet paper stuck to its back foot. Kento followed.

A small crowd of women turned to watch them leave, utterly perplexed.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Kento arrived home with a sigh. The day had been long. His shoulders ached, heavy with the burden of work and worry, missing his wife, and he walked through the corridor, calling for you and--

"My lov-- Jesus Christ!"

You leapt out from the staircase, all four paws out in a clawed jazz-hands of death, and yowled at Kento, before skittering away.

Kento leant back against the wall, holding his chest, his glasses askew. He sounded so desperately weary, when he spoke.

"...please stop jumping out at me, you are ageing me--"

From somewhere deep inside the house, "Meow."

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Kento couldn't remember the last time he ran around his garden like this. But he did, running, panting, his shirt sleeves rolled up and his tie abandoned in the flowerbeds and a quirked little half-smile on his face.

He hid behind a forget-me-not blue Hydrangea, trying to silence his breaths, listening, and listening, and--

"Meow!"

Kento laughed, deep and husky, as you shot through the bushes, finding him in seconds. He burst out, running across the garden, and feeling you catch up fast, and jump onto his back, and--

Kento grabbed you, his hands huge and warm and gentle. He fell onto his back on the grass, holding you aloft, where you gazed down at him with as much love as a cat could gaze at a human. Except you weren't a cat, were you?

The sun shone your fur into effervescence. Kento sighed, suspending you in one hand and stroking your cheeks and whiskers with the other.

"This is...nice," he whispered. "Fun. We should...we should do this again. When you're back."

You dropped down onto his chest. You nuzzled your nose against his, over, and over, and over, your two front paws clutching his cheeks with joy.

Kento accepted your feline kisses with a faint sting of tears in his nose.

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

"Perhaps there's something about her that always connected on a spiritual level with cats?"

Kento glared at Shoko. "Are you suggesting my wife is more feline than human?"

Shoko smirked. She looked over to you, curled up on the sofa, fast asleep, with Kento's tan suit jacket covering your body.

"She'll come back. Maybe she'll get her comeuppance one day, for all the trouble she caused you. But in the meantime...she's kind of cute."

Kento scoffed, stroking your hair behind your ear. He could have sworn he heard you purr.

"Nonsense. She was always cute."

[stollenwurm-writes]

A mix between a tumblr prompt and a deleted scene of sorts from Ship of Theseus. I originally wrote this fic as a stand-alone, but found myself leaning to Ship of Theseus's general timeline. But I opted to leave the scene out, as I didn't find the tonal pitch of the scene to match the rest of the fic, and I felt the circumstances were a bit of a stretch for a fic that I was trying to keep as believable as possible for typical KH canon. However, the themes and intent are very much the same. :) Absolutely can be read as a one-shot, however, as there are no references to any other scenes from other fics (since it was originally just a prompt-writing), and was meant to be an isolated moment anyway.

[italiangirlcoresblog]

main masterlist \\ lando masterlist

-----------------••✩🍪☕️🩹✩••----------------

𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐭𝐞

✩ : everyone has been speculating about a possible relationship between you and lando, but neither of you ever confirmed anything — until the infamous hard launch

𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦 : @ tatemcrae on ig

𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭. : lando norris

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : humor, mature

✍︎ : sports car has my heart and soul, so might as well give it a smau too

OR

me still procrastinating lando's fic

-------------------------❦︎-------------------------

itsynbitch

Liked by oliviarodrigo, chappellroan, lando and 229,997 others

itsynbitch it's lights out and away we go

View all 963 comments

oliviarodrigo can't wait 😍

♥︎ by itsynbitch

username1 OMG???

username2 let's take a few steps back shall we

username3 i'm so confused

username4 i think we all are

username5 wait what did i miss

username6 HOW DID WE GET HERE

username7 biker y/n!?

username8 more like f1 y/n with that caption

username9 wdym

username10 it's the line croft always says at the start of the races

username11 imagine if it's the theme for her new album

username12 girl I WISH

username13 hey siri, how to become the guy in this reel?

username14 reel ❌️ real ✅️

username15 i hope he knows how lucky he is

♥︎ by lando

username16 DAMN ALRIGHT HAHAHA

username17 i wasn't expecting that

username18 he's not wrong tho

username19 lando we see you brother

username20 you're all of us

username21 whatever this means i'm here for it

chappellroan ICON

♥︎ by itsynbitch

itsynbitch

Liked by oliviarodrigo, chappellroan, lando and 1,240,114 others

itsynbitch "2 hands" OUT THIS FRIDAY

stay tuned 🧡

View all 13,437 comments

username22 this did something to me

username23 you mean i have to wait a WHOLE WEEK for this masterpiece?

username24 technically it's just four days ☝️🤓

username25 still way too long 😔

username26 screw my finals, y/n's new single release date just dropped

itsynbitch keep studying kids

username27 if y/n says it, we shall comply

username28 i'd have all straight As if she asked me to

username29 divided by countries, united by mommy issues

lando orange suits you

♥︎ by itsynbitch

itsynbitch my favorite 🧡

username30 chat are they flirting in broad daylight

username31 she meant the color... RIGHT?

username32 y/n babe that was pretty misunderstandable

username33 WHY ARE WE IGNORING LANDO’S COMMENT HELLO

username34 my man just wanted to shoot his shot

username35 honestly if i were him i'd go for it too

username36 papaya reference anyone!?

username37 i was literally thinking the same thing

username38 i have no one to talk to about this

username39 same 😭

username40 mother delivered as always

username41 LET'S GO 🏎💨

username42 buckle up, we're in for one crazy ass ride

f1gossippofficial

69,654 likes

f1gossippofficial some clips from y/n's tiktok. does the car look familiar to you? 👀

View all 7,710 comments

username43 that's a whole ass mclaren right there

username44 that's not just ANY mclaren that's LANDO’S mclaren

username45 according to who?

username46 there's literally his number printed on it 💀

username47 "iT CouLD Be a CoiNCiDeNCe" no it couldn't shut up

username48 you people really need to chill

username49 just stating the obvious

username50 y/n x mclaren collab is something i didn't know i needed

username51 what a great time to be fan of both

username52 fr we're being blessed with this content

username53 this is great and all but are we not gonna talk about lando's "good taste in cars"?

username54 I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD MENTION IT

username55 i knew you'd bring this up lol

username56 and y/n replying "well thank you" like AAAAA

username57 what's so special about it

username58 1. we got more y/n x lando content and 2. THEY WERE OBVIOUSLY FLIRTING

username59 norris fangirl detected, opinion rejected

username60 the way i could smell the comments from a mile away

username61 cry about it

lando

♫︎ y/n • 2 hands [E]

Liked by oscarpiastri, carlossainz55, itsynbitch and 877,168 others

lando bangher

View all 11,909 comments

oscarpiastri mate i think you misspelled it

lando no i didn't

username62 oscar trying to gentle parent lando out of his dyslexia

username63 dorks

username64 as a landoscar fan this is everything

username65 pause. rewind. NO HE DIDN'T

username66 did what

username67 GUYS IT'S BANG—HER

username68 omg are you serious

username69 oh he was smooth with it

username70 if this is about y/n i swear

username71 WHY WOULD IT BE

username72 idk maybe because he used her song???

username73 some of you are actually sick

carlossainz55 🤨

username74 carlos is just as confused as us

username75 lando sponsoring his girlfriend's single 🥰

username76 WHAT ARE THEY TOGETHER!?

username77 no they're not stop assuming things it's weird af

username78 then why would he even use it?

username79 because it is, in fact, a banger, AND HE JUST FUCKING MISSPELLED IT

username80 ok but what about y/n also being in the likes

username81 e x a c t l y

username82 everyone arguing in the comments:

me vibing to 2 hands: 💃💃💃

itsynbitch

Liked by lando, oliviarodrigo, chappellroan and 891,472 others

itsynbitch life lately ✨️✨️✨️

View all 12,670 comments

username83 man lando did not waste one second

username84 he came here faster than he won in singapore

username85 he was in the likes before y/n even posted

username86 miss gurl that's a lot of orange

username87 @ mclaren just take her as your ambassador already

mclaren we'll think about it 😉

username88 ADMIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

username89 y/n feeding us crumbs until the big reveal

username90 me acting surprised when she'll confirm the lando rumors: 😮

username91 no way you've been banging dating in secret who would've thought right

username92 i can't with y'all 😭

username93 don't mind me just staring at the jacket in the first slide and trying to understand where i've seen it before

username94 i knew it looked familiar

username95 born to say lando, forced to stay silent and act clueless

username96 IT'S SO OBVIOUS IT'S PAINFUL

username97 pros and cons of being a lando fangirl

username98 truly a blessing and a curse 😔

username99 y/n might have good taste in cars but lando sure as hell got good taste in women

username100 you can't really go wrong with her can you?

username101 i fear she's everybody's type

f1gossippofficial

97,407 likes

f1gossippofficial 🚨 BREAKING: lando norris seen carrying the same rhode lip phone case shown in y/n's story before they were caught partying together by a fan

WATCH VIDEO ▶️

View all 8,325 comments

username102 god forbid someone else other than her has a rhode lip phone case

username103 you're pushing it way too far now

username104 i'll never understand why we normalized shoving our phones in famous people's faces

username105 lando literally ran away poor baby

username106 the way they immediately tried to hide when they saw the camera

username107 they both looked so uncomfortable please leave them alone

username108 if they want to keep their relationship secret they clearly have their reasons

username109 listen they're probably not even dating but you decided they are and you forced it on them

username110 stop playing matchmaker for them it's getting out of hand

username111 i was getting all excited about them as a couple but then i opened the comments

username112 hey at least now we know they're together

username113 idc what everybody else says a win is a win

username114 imagine them scrolling through these and laughing at how dumb you all sound

username115 lando was probably busy remixing y/n's songs at the club

itsynbitch

♫︎ y/n • sports car

Liked by lando, oliviarodrigo, chappellroan and 2,377,677 others

itsynbitch "sports car" song and mv 🏎🏁 OUT NOW

~ it was a pleasure working with you @ lando

View all 17,809 comments

username116 so... i wasn't exactly expecting all of that

username117 I THOUGHT SHE ACCIDENTALLY LEAKED A SEX TAPE WTF

username118 how else do you wanna call it?

username119 okay but i don't think this was accidental ���

username120 are we paying for this?

username121 so lando did start onlyfans after all

username122 he's multi-tasking

username123 f1 driver by day, whore by night

username124 i might've seen a reflection of lando’s weenie in the window and i fear the image is now stuck in my head forever

oscarpiastri same

carlossainz55 yeah

maxverstappen1 i agree

charles_leclerc unfortunately

username125 I'M CRYING

username126 the drivers being traumatized for life: a series

lando pleasure's mine @ itsynbitch

itsynbitch i know

♥︎ by lando

username127 WE KNOW TOO

username128 she's the man in the relationship

username129 how do i achieve this level of mothering?

username130 they really uh-uhed in it huh

username131 💀💀💀

username132 the fact that they probably weren't even faking it

itsynbitch take the "probably" out

username133 GIRL

username134 hard launch ❌️ hard while launching ✅️

username135 HAHAHAHAHA

lando good one

username136 boy what 😭

lando

Liked by itsynbitch, carlossainz55, oscarpiastri and 1,081,828 others

lando finally made it on main

View all 14,994 comments

username137 "finally" mf wanted to simp over his girlfriend in public so bad

username138 can't blame him tbh

username139 MY SHIP HAS OFFICIALLY SAILED

username140 wasn't the mv clear enough 🤨

username141 i mean all singers do that

username142 ... no?

username143 they could've been just banging buddies

username144 banging buddies 💀

lando i love when you guys get creative like this

username145 lando trying to make us forget what we saw in that video:

oscarpiastri i wish i could forget

username146 this will haunt him forever

username147 poor oscar witnessed things he was never supposed to

username148 new nightmare unlocked

username149 CUTIES

username150 i wanna cuddle with lando like that too

lando cuddles reserved to y/n only

♥︎ by itsynbitch

username151 AWWW

username152 couple goals

username153 LOOK AT HOW HAPPY SHE IS

username154 my shayla 😭💖

itsynbitch

Liked by lando, oliviarodrigo, chappellroan and 1,398,755 others

itsynbitch my silly boy

View all 15,897 comments

oliviarodrigo favorites ❤️

♥︎ by itsynbitch

lando i love you

♥︎ by itsynbitch

lando i looove you

♥︎ by itsynbitch

lando I LOVE YOU

itsynbitch alright baby i love you too

♥︎ by lando

username155 you know what that is? SIMPly lovely

username156 wait that's so mean (do it again)

username157 max from his private account:

username158 lando will never live it down

username159 the 4 on lando's shirt 🥺

username160 "my silly boy" MY HEART

username161 they look so good together

username162 ikr???

username163 they just make so much sense

username164 freaky and freaky lover

username165 my bisexual awakening i fear

username166 POOKIES

username167 they're so very dear to me

username168 LANDO’S NOSE SCRUNCH

username169 he's just a little bunny

username170 i wanna bite his face

itsynbitch only i get to do that sorry

lando jealous much?

lando KIDDING

lando please don't leave me

italiangirlcoresblog this man has ZERO shame

-----------------••✩🍪☕️🩹✩••----------------

©italiangirlcoresblog // do not copy, rewrite, or translate any of my work on any platforms