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autistichalsin · 26 days

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In retrospect, four years later, I feel like the Isabel Fall incident was just the biggest ignored cautionary tale modern fandom spaces have ever had. Yes, it wasn't limited to fandom, it was also a professional author/booktok type argument, but it had a lot of crossover.

Stop me if you've heard this one before: a writer, whether fan or pro, publishes a work. If one were to judge a book by its cover, something we are all taught in Kindergarten shouldn't happen but has a way of occurring regardless, one might find that there was something that seemed deeply problematic about this work. Maybe the title or summary alluded to something Wrong happening, or maybe the tags indicated there was problematic kinks or relationships. And that meant the story was Bad. So, a group of people takes to the Twittersphere to inform everyone who will listen why the work, and therefore the author, are Bad. The author, receiving an avalanche of abuse and harassment, deactivates their account, and checks into a mental health facility for monitoring for suicidal ideation. They never return to their writing space, and the harassers get a slap on the wrist (if that- usually they get praise and high-fives all around) and start waiting for their next victim to transgress.

Sounds awful familiar, doesn't it?

Isabel Fall's case, though, was even more extreme for many reasons. See, she made the terrible mistake of using a transphobic meme as the genesis to actually explore issues of gender identity.

More specifically, she used the phrase "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" to examine how marginalized identities, when they become more accepted, become nothing more than a tool for the military-industrial complex to rebrand itself as a more personable and inclusive atrocity; a chance to pursue praise for bombing brown children while being progressive, because queer people, too, can help blow up brown children now! It also contained an examination of identity and how queerness is intrinsic to a person, etc.

But... well, if harassers ever bothered to read the things they critique, we wouldn't be here, would we? So instead, they called Isabel a transphobic monster for the title alone, even starting a misinformation campaign to claim she was, in fact, a cis male nazi using a fake identity to psyop the queer community.

A few days later, after days of horrific abuse and harassment, Isabel requested that Clarkesworld magazine pull the story. She checked in to a psych ward with suicidal thoughts. That wasn't all, though; the harassment was so bad that she was forced to out herself as trans to defend against the claims.

Only... we know this type of person, the fandom harassers, don't we? You know where this is going. Outing herself did nothing to stop the harassment. No one was willing to read the book, much less examine how her sexuality and gender might have influenced her when writing it.

So some time later, Isabel deleted her social media. She is still alive, but "Isabel Fall" is not- because the harassment was so bad that Isabel detransitioned/closeted herself, too traumatized to continue living her authentic life.

Supposed trans allies were so outraged at a fictional portrayal of transness, written by a trans woman, that they harassed a real life trans woman into detransitioning.

It's heartbreakingly familiar, isn't it? Many of us in fandom communities have been in Isabel's shoes, even if the outcome wasn't so extreme (or in some cases, when it truly was). Most especially, many of us, as marginalized writers speaking from our own experiences in some way, have found that others did not enjoy our framework for examining these things, and hurt us, members of those identities, in defense of "the community" as a nebulous undefined entity.

There's a quote that was posted in a news writeup about the whole saga that was published a year after the fact. The quote is:

The delineation between paranoid and reparative readings originated in 1995, with influential critic Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick. A paranoid reading focuses on what’s wrong or problematic about a work of art. A reparative reading seeks out what might be nourishing or healing in a work of art, even if the work is flawed. Importantly, a reparative reading also tends to consider what might be nourishing or healing in a work of art for someone who isn’t the reader. This kind of nuance gets completely worn away on Twitter, home of paranoid readings. “[You might tweet], ‘Well, they didn’t discuss X, Y, or Z, so that’s bad!’ Or, ‘They didn’t’ — in this case — ‘discuss transness in a way that felt like what I feel about transness, therefore it is bad.’ That flattens everything into this very individual, very hostile way of reading,” Mandelo says. “Part of reparative reading is trying to think about how a story cannot do everything. Nothing can do everything. If you’re reading every text, fiction, or criticism looking for it to tick a bunch of boxes — like if it represents X, Y, and Z appropriately to my definitions of appropriate, and if it’s missing any of those things, it’s not good — you’re not really seeing the close focus that it has on something else.”

A paranoid reading describes perfectly what fandom culture has become in the modern times. It is why "proship", once simply a word for common sense "don't engage with what you don't like, and don't harass people who create it either" philosophies, has become the boogeyman of fandom, a bad and dangerous word. The days of reparative readings, where you would look for things you enjoyed, are all but dead. Fiction is rarely a chance to feel joy; it's an excuse to get angry, to vitriolically attack those different from oneself while surrounded with those who are the same as oneself. It's an excuse to form in-groups and out-groups that must necessarily be in a constant state of conflict, lest it come across like This side is accepting That side's faults. In other words, fandom has become the exact sort of space as the nonfandom spaces it used to seek to define itself against.

It's not about joy. It's not about resonance with plot or characters. It's about hate. It's about finding fault. If they can't find any in the story, they will, rest assured, create it by instigating fan wars- dividing fandom into factions and mercilessly attacking the other.

And that's if they even went so far as to read the work they're critiquing. The ones they don't bother to read, as you saw above, fare even worse. If an AO3 writer tagged an abuser/victim ship, it's bad, it's fetishism, even if the story is about how the victim escapes. If a trans writer uses the title "I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter" to find a framework to dissect rainbow-washing the military-industrial complex, it's unforgivable. It's a cesspool of kneejerk reactions, moralizing discomfort, treating good/evil as dichotomous categories that can never be escaped, and using that complex as an excuse to heap harassment on people who "deserve it." Because once you are Bad, there is no action against you that is too Bad for you to deserve.

Isabel Fall's story follows this so step-by-step that it's like a textbook case study on modern fandom behavior.

Isabel Fall wrote a short story with an inflammatory title, with a genesis in transphobic mockery, in the hopes of turning it into a genuine treatise on the intersection of gender and sexuality and the military-industrial complex. But because audiences are unprepared for the idea of inflammatory rhetoric as a tool to force discomfort to then force deeper introspection... they zeroed in on the discomfort. "I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter"- the title phrase, not the work- made them uncomfortable. We no longer teach people how to handle discomfort; we live in a world of euphemism and glossing over, a world where people can't even type out the words "kill" and rape", instead substituting "unalive" and "grape." We don't deal with uncomfortable feelings anymore; we censor them, we transform them, we sanitize them. When you are unable to process discomfort, when you are never given self-soothing tools, your only possible conclusion is that anything Uncomfortable must be Bad, and the creator must either be censored too, or attacked into conformity so that you never again experience the horrors of being Uncomfortable.

So the masses took to Twitter, outraged. They were Uncomfortable, and that de facto meant that they had been Wronged. Because the content was related to trans identity issues, that became the accusation; it was transphobic, inherently. It couldn't be a critique of bigger and more fluid systems than gender identity alone; it was a slight against trans people. And no amount of explanations would change their minds now, because they had already been aggrieved and made to feel Uncomfortable.

Isabel Fall was now a Bad Person, and we all know what fandom spaces do to Bad People. Bad People, because they are Bad, will always be deserving of suicide bait and namecalling and threatening. Once a person is Bad, there is no way to ever become Good again. Not by refuting the accusations (because the accusations are now self-evident facts; "there is a callout thread against them" is its own tautological proof that wrongdoing has happened regardless of the veracity of the claims in the callout) and not by apologizing and changing, because if you apologize and admit you did the Bad thing, you are still Bad, and no matter what you do in future, you were once Bad and that needs to be brought up every time you are mentioned. If you are bad, you can NEVER be more than what you were at your worst (in their definition) moment. Your are now ontologically evil, and there is no action taken against you that can be immoral.

So Isabel was doomed, naturally. It didn't matter that she outed herself to explain that she personally had lived the experience of a trans woman and could speak with authority on the atrocity of rainbow-washing the military industrial complex as a proaganda tool to capture progressives. None of it mattered. She had written a work with an Uncomfortable phrase for a title, the readers were Uncomfortable, and someone had to pay for it.

And that's the key; pay for it. Punishment. Revenge. It's never about correcting behavior. Restorative justice is not in this group's vocabulary. You will, incidentally, never find one of these folks have a stance against the death penalty; if you did Bad as a verb, you are Bad as an intrinsic, inescapable adjective, and what can you do to incorrigible people but kill them to save the Normal people? This is the same principle, on a smaller scale, that underscores their fandom activities; if a Bad fan writes Bad fiction, they are a Bad person, and their fandom persona needs to die to save Normal fans the pain of feeling Uncomfortable.

And that's what happened to Isabel Fall. The person who wrote the short story is very much alive, but the pseudonym of Isabel Fall, the identity, the lived experiences coming together in concert with imagination to form a speculative work to critique deeply problematic sociopolitical structures? That is dead. Isabel Fall will never write again, even if by some miracle the person who once used the name does. Even if she ever decides to restart her transition, she will be permanently scarred by this experience, and will never again be able to share her experience with us as a way to grow our own empathy and challenge our understanding of the world. In spirit, but not body, fandom spaces murdered Isabel Fall.

And that's... fandom, anymore. That's just what is done, routinely and without question, to Bad people. Good people are Good, so they don't make mistakes, and they never go too far when dealing with Bad people. And Bad people, well, they should have thought before they did something Bad which made them Bad people.

Isabel Fall's harassment happened in early 2020, before quarantine started, but it was in so many ways a final chance for fandom to hit the breaks. A chance for fandom to think collectively about what it wanted to be, who it wanted to be for and how it wanted to do it. And fandom looked at this and said, "more, please." It continues to harass marginalized people, especially fans of color and queen fans, into suffering mental breakdowns. With gusto.

Any ideas of reparative reading is dead. Fandom runs solely on paranoid readings. And so too is restorative justice gone for fandom transgressions, real or imagined. It is now solely about punitive, vigilante justice. It's a concerted campaign to make sure oddballs conform or die (in spirit, but sometimes even physically given how often mentally ill individuals are pushed into committing suicide).

It's a deeply toxic environment and I'm sad to say that Isabel Fall's story was, in retrospect, a sort of event horizon for the fandom. The gravitational pull of these harassment campaigns is entirely too strong now and there is no escaping it. I'm sorry, I hate to say something so bleak, but thinking the last few days about the state of fandom (not just my current one but also others I watch from the outside), I just don't think we can ever go back to peaceful "for joy" engagement, not when so many people are determined to use it as an outlet for lateral aggression against other people.

#isabel fall #fandom #proship #proshippers please interact #proship please interact #profiction

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buckets-and-trees · 23 days

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Sweet and Slashy Summer Saturdays

Characters/Pairings: Bucky x curvy!female reader Word Count: 3.6k Summary: A first date with your neighbor Bucky Barnes.

Content Warnings: modern AU, smut, vaginal fingering, hand job, vaginal penetration, sex in a semi-public place

Logistical Notes: Another entry for @witchywithwhiskey's Slasher Summer Writing Challenge (drive in setting, dialogue prompt in bold/italics), a verrrrrry late entry for @bigtreefest Essie's Summer Lovin’ 300 Follower Celebration (public sex/trying not to get caught) (and shhh, Essie said I could be as late as December, but this is just/only Labor Day Weekend), and week 13 of @buckybarnesevents Hot Bucky Summer (free week).

↠ Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

You didn’t want to watch this scary movie. Scary movies were not your thing.

But you didn’t know that the local drive-in movie place was doing Sweet and Slashy Summer Saturdays - a double feature night with a different rom-com and slasher fic every week when you said yes to your stupid hot neighbor Bucky Barnes. He’d asked if you liked drive in movies and if you’d go with him, and you hadn’t thought even a second before accepting.

Bumping into him throughout the building since you’d moved in last spring, sure, it was problematic to have a crush on a neighbor, but he was stupid hot.

Which made you do stupid things - like accept a date with him.

You canceled plans that you’d already had in favor of this date.

Typically you weren’t a fan of movies as a first date, but since it was a drive in, not a theater, you’d have your own space and not bother anyone if you actually wanted to talk - but if for some reason stupid hot Bucky Barnes turned out to be a dud, you would also be able to tune into the movie without seeming totally rude.

Privacy? Yes. Good.

A little bit of talking? Also yes.

He’d picked you up in his big pick up truck, which meant at the drive in, he’d backed into the spot, and now you were in the bed of the truck on a camp mattress and blankets.

Things had been lovely for the first flick - which turned out to be one of your favorites. The two of you had chatted sporadically but easily throughout. There’d been a short intermission where the two of you took a walk, stretched your legs, and gotten some ice cream from the concession stand.

All of that had been lovely. Easy time with him.

It had allowed you to trick yourself into the false confidence that you could handle the other half of the double feature.

But the slasher fic had you jumpy, scooting closer and closer into Bucky’s chest, until now you had your face permanently half hidden against his chest.

Bucky chuckled and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” you chirped.

“Are you sure? We can leave, I really don’t mind, I’ve see this at least twenty times.”

“No, I’m - I’m fine,” you said quietly.

He murmured your name against the crown of your head, planting a kiss there. “We don’t have to stay.”

But that little kiss? Being tucked cozily against him? Your whole body was humming with butterflies and warmth despite the cool evening summer breeze flitting over your skin.

“I’m safe here,” you hummed.

Bucky ticked a finger under your chin and lifted your head up to look him in the face, eyes sparkling with mischief. “You sure about that?”

You giggled - genuinely but with a surge of nerves. “You’ll protect me.”

He smirked. “Only from everyone else.”

“Is that a threat?” You arched a brow and smirked.

“It’s a promise,” he replied, lowering his voice, ducking closer, his breath ghosting over your lips.

You shivered, and he chuckled and pulled you closer. You laughed into his chest, resting your hand lightly on his sternum. “Honestly, if you ever become an actor, don't ever do a slasher flick.”

He scoffed. “What? Why’s that? I’m not such a terrible actor!”

You looked back up at him and shook your head. “I’m not convinced. But also, I’d have to go see it, and clearly I wouldn’t be able to handle that experience.”

“Fine, I promise, I’ll tell the non-existent agent for the acting career I’m never pursuing that slashers are off the table.”

“Good.”

Bucky shifted to make both of you more comfortable. As he shifted, his strong arm tightened around you, pulling you even closer against his broad chest. You felt the warmth of his body enveloping you, a stark contrast to the cool night air. His fingers began to trace lazy patterns on your shoulder, sending tingles down your spine.

"You know," Bucky murmured, his lips brushing your ear, "I'm really glad you came out with me tonight."

You tilted your head to look up at him, taking in his chiseled jawline and those piercing blue eyes. "Me too," you whispered.

"I've been wanting to do this for a long time - just spend time with you. But now you’re driving me crazy, and I can’t keep my hands off you."

Your breath hitched as his hand slowly slid down your arm, savoring every curve and dip. “Then don’t,” you responded. You slipped your leg up over his thigh, tangling your limbs together.

His touch was gentle yet purposeful, exploring the softness of your skin. You felt your pulse quicken as his fingers ghosted over the swell of your hip, squeezing lightly.

"I love how you feel," he whispered, his voice husky. "So soft, so perfect."

His hand continued its journey, caressing the generous curve of your waist. You couldn't help but lean into his touch, craving more. Bucky's fingers splayed across your stomach, appreciating the plush roundness there.

"Beautiful," he breathed.

Bucky's fingers danced up your arm, caressing the soft skin. He traced the curve of your shoulder, then along your collarbone. His touch was feather-light but left a trail of heat in its wake.

You tilted your head back to look at him, taking in his chiseled jawline and intense blue eyes. Bucky's gaze roamed over your face, lingering on your full lips before meeting your eyes again. His hand cupped your cheek, thumb stroking your flushed skin.

"You're so beautiful," Bucky reiterated, his eyes locked on yours.

Your heart raced as he leaned in closer, his warm breath fanning across your face. Time seemed to slow as he closed the distance between you. His lips brushed yours softly at first, tentative and questioning. You responded eagerly, pressing closer and parting your lips slightly.

Bucky took that as invitation to deepen the kiss. His hand slid to the back of your neck, fingers tangling in your hair as he pulled you flush against him. You melted into his embrace, savoring the feel of his firm body against yours.

The kiss grew more heated, tongues exploring as passion built between you. Your hands roamed over his broad shoulders and muscular back, marveling at the strength you felt there. Bucky's own hands weren't idle, caressing your curves with reverence.

When you finally broke apart, both of you were breathing heavily. Bucky rested his forehead against yours, a smile playing on his lips.

"Wow," you whispered.

He chuckled softly. "Wow is right."

Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream pierced the air. You jumped, startled by the sound from the movie. Bucky chuckled against your lips, breaking the kiss.

"Sorry," you mumbled, feeling a heat creep up your neck.

"Don't be sorry," Bucky murmured, his thumb caressing your cheek. "I think it's cute how jumpy you are."

You rolled your eyes playfully. "Glad my terror is entertaining for you."

He grinned, pulling you closer. "Well, I do enjoy being your protector."

Another scream rang out from the movie, making you flinch. Bucky's arms tightened around you instinctively. You buried your face in his chest, inhaling his warm, masculine scent. "I'm usually not this much of a scaredy-cat, I swear."

His chest rumbled with laughter. "Sure, sure. I believe you." His tone was teasing, but his arms stayed tight around you.

The score for the movie swelled and pursued a chilling tenor, making you tense. Bucky's hand came up to cup the back of your head, gently pressing your ear to his chest. The steady thump of his heartbeat drowned out the sounds of the film.

"Better?" he murmured.

You nodded against him, feeling safer wrapped in his strong arms. "Much better."

His fingers combed through your hair soothingly. "You know, we could always make our own entertainment if the movie's too scary."

You pulled back slightly to look up at him, eyebrow raised. "Oh? What did you have in mind?"

Bucky's eyes darkened as they roamed over your face. "I can think of a few ways to distract you from the movie."

His hand slid down your back, coming to rest on your hip. He gave a gentle squeeze, pulling you against him. Your breath hitched as you felt the hard planes of his body pressed against your softer curves.

"Oh?" you managed to say, your voice barely above a whisper. "Like what?"

Instead of answering, Bucky dipped his head and captured your lips in a searing kiss. This wasn't like the earlier kiss - soft and exploratory. This was heat and passion and barely restrained desire. His tongue swept into your mouth, tasting and teasing. You moaned softly, your fingers tangling in his hair.

Bucky's hand slipped under the hem of your shirt, his calloused fingers tracing patterns on the sensitive skin of your lower back. You arched into him, craving more of his touch. He broke the kiss, trailing his lips along your jaw and down your neck.

"God, you're driving me crazy," he murmured against your skin.

You tilted your head, giving him a quizzical look. This man you had categorized as stupid hot because he was so handsome it couldn’t be real seemed to be as gone for you as you were for him.

"I'm driving you crazy?" you asked, your voice a mix of disbelief and amusement. "You're the one who's been making me lose my mind for months now."

Bucky pulled back slightly, his blue eyes searching your face. "Really?" he asked, a hint of vulnerability in his voice.

You nodded, reaching up to brush a strand of hair from his forehead. "Really. I've had a crush on you since the day I moved in. Why do you think I always seemed to be doing laundry at the same time as you?"

A slow grin spread across Bucky's face. "And here I thought I was the one making excuses to run into you."

You laughed softly, your fingers tracing the strong line of his jaw. "Looks like we've both been idiots."

"Well," Bucky murmured, leaning in close again, "then we should make up for lost time, don't you think?"

Before you could respond, his lips were on yours again, hot and demanding. You melted into the kiss, savoring the feel of his strong body against yours. His hands roamed your curves, leaving trails of fire in their wake.

You moaned softly into the kiss, your body arching against Bucky's. His hands roamed lower, cupping your ass and pulling you flush against him. You could feel his arousal pressing against your thigh, sending a jolt of desire through you.

"Bucky," you gasped, breaking the kiss. "We're in public."

He chuckled, the sound low and husky. "Don't worry. No one can see us back here."

To prove his point, he rolled you both so you were lying on your back, his body hovering over yours. The truck's high sides and the darkness of the drive-in lot provided a surprising amount of privacy.

Bucky's lips found your neck again, kissing and nipping at the sensitive skin. You tilted your head, giving him better access as your hands slid under his shirt, exploring the hard planes of his abs.

"God, you feel amazing," you breathed.

He hummed against your skin, the vibration sending shivers down your spine. His hand slipped under your shirt, thumb brushing the underside of your breast. You arched into his touch, craving more.

Bucky's large hand cupped your breast, kneading gently through the thin fabric of your bra. You gasped at the sensation, your body heating up despite the cool night air.

Suddenly, a loud crash from the movie made you jump. Bucky chuckled softly, pulling back to look at you.

"Still scared?" he teased, his thumb brushing over your nipple through your bra.

You shivered, both from his touch and the reminder of where you were. "Maybe a little," you admitted.

Bucky's eyes softened as he gazed down at you. "We can stop if you want," he murmured, his hand stilling on your breast.

You shook your head, reaching up to cup his face. "No, I don't want to stop. I just... I've never done anything like this before. In public, I mean."

He smiled, turning his head to press a kiss to your palm. "We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. We can just cuddle and watch the rest of the movie if you want."

You bit your lip, considering. The fear of getting caught was thrilling, but also nerve-wracking. But the way Bucky was looking at you, his blue eyes dark with desire, made you want to throw caution to the wind.

"I want you," you whispered, pulling him down for another kiss.

Bucky groaned into your mouth, his hand resuming its gentle kneading of your breast. You arched into his touch, your body humming with need. His other hand slid down your side, fingers teasing the waistband of your jeans.

"Is this okay?" he murmured against your lips.

“Mmhmm, please touch me, Bucky,” you pleaded, craving more.

Bucky's fingers deftly unbuttoned your jeans, sliding the zipper down slowly. His hand slipped inside, cupping you through your underwear. You gasped at the contact, hips bucking up into his touch.

"So responsive," he murmured, nipping at your earlobe. "I love it."

His fingers rubbed slow circles over your clothed center, building the tension coiling in your belly. You bit your lip to stifle a moan, very aware of your surroundings despite the privacy of the truck bed.

Bucky's lips trailed down your neck as his fingers slipped beneath the fabric of your underwear. You inhaled sharply as he made contact with your bare flesh, stroking through your folds.

"God, you're so wet already," he groaned against your collarbone.

You whimpered as he teased your entrance, gathering your arousal before circling your clit. Your hips rocked against his hand, chasing the pleasure he was building.

"Bucky, please," you breathed, not even sure what you were begging for.

He captured your lips in a searing kiss as he slid his fingers through your slick folds. You bit your lip to stifle a moan as he slowly pushed one finger inside you.

"Shh," he murmured, kissing you softly. "Gotta be quiet, remember?"

You nodded, your breath coming in short pants as he began to move his finger in and out. He added a second finger, stretching you deliciously. His thumb found your clit again, rubbing small circles that had you seeing stars.

Your hands gripped Bucky's broad shoulders as he worked you closer to the edge. The pleasure was building rapidly, your hips rocking against his skilled fingers. You buried your face in his neck, muffling your whimpers and gasps against his skin.

"That's it, sweetheart," Bucky murmured encouragingly. "Let go for me. I've got you."

His fingers curled inside you, hitting that perfect spot that made your toes curl. Combined with the steady pressure on your clit, it was quickly becoming too much.

"Bucky," you gasped, your body tensing. "I'm -"

"Come for me," he growled softly, increasing the pace of his fingers.

The coil of tension in your belly snapped. Waves of pleasure crashed over you as your orgasm hit. Bucky captured your lips in a deep kiss, swallowing your moans as you shuddered against him.

As you came down from your high, Bucky slowly withdrew his hand. You whimpered at the loss, feeling oversensitive and boneless. He pressed soft kisses to your face as you caught your breath.

Then he licked your slickness off his fingers, and your breath hitched as he groaned at the taste of you. Your hand trailed down his chest, palming the obvious bulge in his jeans. "What about you?" you asked.

Bucky groaned softly, hips bucking into your touch. "You don't have to-"

You cut him off with a kiss, your hand continuing to rub him through his jeans. "I want to," you murmured against his lips. "Please, let me make you feel good too."

Bucky groaned, his hips rocking into your touch. "God, yes," he breathed.

Your fingers fumbled with his belt buckle, suddenly feeling clumsy with anticipation. Bucky chuckled softly, reaching down to help you. Together, you managed to unfasten his jeans and push them down his hips.

You slipped your hand into his boxers, wrapping your fingers around his hard length. Bucky hissed in pleasure, his head dropping to your shoulder. You stroked him slowly, marveling at how hot and thick he felt in your hand.

"Fuck," Bucky groaned softly. "Your hand feels so good."

Emboldened by his reaction, you increased your pace, twisting your wrist on the upstroke. Bucky's breathing grew ragged, his hips thrusting into your grip. You could feel him throbbing in your hand, growing even harder if that was possible.

"Wait," Bucky gasped, gently grasping your wrist. "Not like this. I want to be inside you."

Your breath caught at his words, desire pooling low in your belly. "Yes," you breathed. "Please, Bucky."

He captured your lips in a searing kiss as his hands worked to push your jeans down your hips. You lifted your hips to help, shimmying out of the tight denim. Bucky's fingers hooked into the waistband of your panties, sliding them down your legs as well.

The cool night air hit your heated skin, making you shiver. Bucky's warm hands ran up your thighs, parting them gently. He settled between your legs, his hard length pressing against your core.

Bucky reached for his wallet. You raised an eyebrow as he retrieved a condom.

"Presumptuous, weren't we?" you teased.

He chuckled, a slight blush coloring his cheeks as he tore it open. "More like hopeful. You sure about this?" he murmured, his blue eyes searching yours.

You nodded, reaching for the condom and wrapping your legs around his waist. "I'm sure. I want you, Bucky." You took his stiff cock in your hands and rolled the condom down slowly over his length.

Then you laid back, and he guided his tip to your entrance. He groaned softly, capturing your lips in another kiss as he slowly pushed into you. You gasped at the stretch, your body accommodating his impressive size.

Bucky stilled once he was fully seated inside you, giving you time to adjust. You both moaned softly at the sensation of being so intimately connected. He peppered kisses along your jaw and neck as you breathed through the initial stretch.

"You okay?" he murmured against your skin.

You nodded, running your hands down his muscular back. "Yeah, you can move."

Bucky started with slow, shallow thrusts, gradually building up speed and depth. You bit your lip to stifle your moans, very aware of your surroundings despite the privacy of the truck bed. The movie's soundtrack provided some cover, but you still tried to keep quiet.

"God, you feel amazing," Bucky groaned softly, his hips snapping against yours.

You wrapped your legs tighter around his waist, changing the angle slightly. The new position had him hitting that perfect spot inside you with each thrust. Your nails dug into his shoulders as pleasure built rapidly.

"Bucky," you whined.

His hand slid between your bodies, his fingers tracing a path down your stomach until they settled on your sensitive clit. The gentle pressure of his thumb against you sent sparks of pleasure through your body. "Come for me," he whispered in your ear, urging you on as he continued to stroke and tease your sex. You couldn't resist the sensations, and soon you were gasping and moaning in ecstasy, and he swallowed up as much of your sounds as he could with another kiss.

Bucky's movements became more erratic as he chased his own release. You clenched around him, still riding the waves of your orgasm. The added pressure pushed him over the edge.

"Fuck," he groaned, burying his face in your neck as he came.

You held him close, running your fingers through his hair as you both caught your breath. The sounds of the movie filtered back into your awareness - screams and dramatic music that seemed absurdly out of place now.

Bucky lifted his head, a lazy smile spreading across his face as he looked at you. "That was..."

"Amazing," you finished for him, grinning.

He chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to your lips before carefully pulling out. You whimpered at the loss, suddenly feeling very exposed. Bucky noticed your discomfort and quickly helped you redress, then took care of himself.

Once you were both decent again, he pulled you back into his arms. You snuggled against his chest, feeling sated and content.

"So," Bucky murmured, his fingers tracing patterns on your arm, "I think it's safe to say this was a successful first date?"

You grinned and looked up at him. "I'd say so. Though I'm not sure how we're going to top this for date number two."

Bucky chuckled, his blue eyes twinkling with mischief. "Oh, I'm sure we can come up with something. I've got plenty of ideas."

"Is that so?" you teased, trailing your fingers along his jawline. "Care to share?"

He caught your hand, pressing a kiss to your palm. "How about I show you instead? Say, next Saturday?"

Your heart fluttered at the promise in his eyes. “Just no more slashers, deal?”

“Deal,” he chuckled, then sealed it the best way, tipping your chin up and capturing your lips in a kiss.

↠ Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

Read more stories from the Deliciously Debauched Labor Day Weekend!

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #curvy reader #hotbuckysummer2024 #essie’s summer lovin’ 300 follower celebration #summer lovin’ celebration #essie’s 300 follower special #slashersummerwc #female reader #aspen wrote something #deliciously debauched labor day weekend

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pumpkinpaix · 12 days

Text

Chapter Spotlight 8:

"'Censorship Made It Better': Anti-Fans and Purity Culture in English-Language Chen Qing Ling Fandom" by Abby Springman

Describe your topic/chapter in one sentence/one meme/140 characters.

Rejoice! MDZS has been cancelled!

What drew you to this topic?

When I got into CQL fandom and started lurking on its outskirts on Twitter, I started getting this weird sense of déjà vu. There was this bizarre similarity between the arguments I was seeing about the aspects of CQL/MDZS and their fandoms being "problematic" from a progressive, social justice point of view and the demands for censorship in American libraries that conservative groups were (and still are) making at an alarmingly increasing rate. In an attempt to make sense of this, I fell down what ended up being a really long rabbit hole, and, well, here we are.

Was there anything you were surprised to discover while researching?

I was surprised by the wide variety of fannish backgrounds found amongst members of English-language CQL fandom! I'm not used to seeing so many different "areas" of fandom intersect over a single piece of media like this. Some folks are primarily into the live action movies and TV shows side of things, some are mostly in bandom, some (like me) are traditionally a part of the anime, manga, and gaming contingent, etc. I think that's fascinating, honestly.

Did researching/writing your chapter change how you saw the text, the fandom, or the media? How so?

I didn't use the block button on Tumblr or Twitter for anyone in the fandom while I was working on my chapter. It definitely changed how I saw fandom on those platforms—literally. It really highlighted how much power social media algorithms have over what kind of content is presented to us front and center.

If there’s one thing you hope the fandom takes away from your article, what would it be?

I'll be thrilled if it makes people think about "problematic" content in less black-and-white terms. They don't have to necessarily agree with my conclusions! But if my words make even one person stop and think more about context before posting a reactionary comment, then that would be great.

If you were isekai-ed into MDZS/CQL, what sect affiliation would you choose and why?

The Lan. My existing skills are most likely to be applicable there (see: the library), it seems easy to find some peace and quiet when you need it, there are bunnies, and Hanguang-jun is there.

Chaotic one-sentence pitch to get your friends into MDZS/CQL?

My elevator pitch for CQL has historically been, "It's the adaptation of a book about a gay necromancer, except they can't actually show the gay romance or the zombies on screen."

What is one (1) book/media you would recommend to a MDZS/CQL fan? Tell us about it.

Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio by Pu Songling. It's probably the most accessible collection of Chinese stories of the supernatural available in English. If MDZS/CQL was your first exposure to traditional Chinese cultural beliefs about ghosts, exorcisms, and the like, this is a great introduction to the less xianxia-specific aspects. If that isn't the case for you, I still highly recommend it on its own merits!

Character you keep getting in those "which MDZS/CQL character are you" quizzes?

Wen Ning

Anything to say to potential readers of the collection?

Thank you, and I'm sorry—no, that's a joke. More seriously, I really am thankful for anyone interested in the collection. It's the product of years of hard work by many people, and I'm sure there's an interesting chapter in there for everyone.

(FAQ) (all posts on Catching Chen Qing Ling)

#MDZS #CQL #The Untamed #Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation #Catching Chen Qing Ling #CQL academic collection #CQL CFP #Chen Qing Ling #Mo Dao Zu Shi #CQL meta #MDZS meta

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sterredem · 2 months

Text

Descendants

F1 grid x driver!rookie!reader

Face claim Pinterest girls

Warning Mention if addict (max with RedBull), Not proofread, spelling mistakes, long

Summary the new rookie on the grid is obsessed with descendants and makes it everyone’s problem

A/N bsf/n = best friends name (for anyone that didn’t know)

I like it! I hope y’all also do. It’s pretty long and I made it over here course of a few weeks so there can be parts where it doesn’t fit so if you notice that please say it so I can fix it! I have also had my descendants obsession come back with the new movie. (Still deciding if I like it or not)

Please repost and comments it helps a lot! Feadback is also appropriated!❤️🫶

Instagram

Liked by LewisHamilton and 2.735.567 others

f1 BREAKING: Y/n y/l/n will make the step in 2025, signing a multi-deal with Red Bull! ✍️

View all 8.276 comments

User1 YES!! 💜💙

User2 OMG? Already up to red bull? I would suspect that she would go to rb first!

User3 There are going to be a LOT of GenZ on the grid! It’s gonna be chaos!

User4 wait till everyone finds out how crazy and a PR nightmare she is 💜💙

User5 LETS GOOOO

User6 power duo with her and max

User7 Women in F1 again??

User8 YESS!! 💜💙 I have loved her ever since F3!

User9 Why do so people use the blue and purple heart?

User8 its an inside joke with her and the fans. It’s better if you get to know it through something else (I’m not trying to gatekeep its also just really hard to explain)

User9 alright. I’ll look it up.

User10 not really surprised

User11 she’s so pretty

User12 why do they say multi-year and not the year?! ITS SO ANNOYING!!

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Instagram

Liked by RedBullRacing and 926.752 others

Y/n_Racing Ready for 2025 with red bull. Already binge drink wing this drink. Happy to drive the bull for a few year (hopefully a long time)💪

View all 9.968 comments

RedBullRacing Happy to have you on our team next year💪

MaxVerstappen1 2 history makes in the same team… this is gonna be fun. Happy to have you as a team mate

Prema_Team Sad to let you go, but happy to see you in f1. Great job Y/n💪

User1 HISTORY MAKER!!

User2 Why is this such a dry caption? From what I’ve heard she is a PR problem but this doesn’t seem like it

User3 she is… she has a second account that is managed by herself and that is the chaotic and problematic one. PR has tried to take it away but she always finds a way to get it back. So they’ve given up. I think I’m a few minutes she is gonna post on their and cause a problem of post a chaotic post

User4 FINNALY A WOMEN AGAIN!!

User5 she will be the inspiration to Kay many jong girls

User6 Already looking forwards to the next season!

User7 wait… so where is Carlos going?

User8 her and Ollie being on the grid together is just so funny to me. They are going to cause havoc

User9 I already love her and I’ve only seen a PR made post

User10 💜💙

User11 wait till everyone sees her descendants obsession. They won’t think the same about her

User12 she is so pretty

User13 she looks so nice😊

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Instagram

Liked by bsfuser and 745.578 others

Y/n_Real Just vid announced as a RedBull driver… I think I need to change the aesthetic to red…… good this the new descendants movie will be with a lot of blue (and Evie will be our saviour!)!! Als the 5th picture is how it feeling rn.

View all 14.852 comments

Bsfuser AAAHHHH IM SO HAPPY!!!!

Y/n_Real YESSSSS

Bfsuser Also the rise of red and Evie our saviour 🙏🙏

Y/n_Real REAL!!🙏🙏

User1 AAAHHH!!! IM SO PROUD

Y/n_Real THANK YOU!!💋💋

User2 OMG I FOUND THE SECOND ACCOUNT!! And user3 was right!

User3 Always eats with her posts

User4 The mal picture is so real

User5 I love how she interacts with her fans in this account

User6 wait why rise of red? Isn’t that Ferrari?

Y/n_Real yes. But CINDERELLA AND HER DAUGHTER! (Sorry for being passive aggressive I am just SO EXITED ABOUT EVERYTHING (but they are both blue so yaya red bull!))

User7 I love her and bsf/n’ relationship!

User8 do you know how they became friends? I’ve seen a lot about them but I’m just wondering

User7 yes I know! They became friends at a comic con event for the 3rd descendents movie where they sat next to each other so they began talking and became friends

User8 That so funny! How do y’all know all this?

User7 sometimes Y/n or bsf/n go live and just talks a lot

User9 The make up looks so good!!

User10 you are so pretty

User11 Post 941 of Y/n putting mal in her post (don’t break this streak sweetie)

Y/n_Real OMG YOUR STILL HERE!! I love you!!

User11 ILY TOO

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Instagram

Liked by Kyliecantrall and 626.735 others

Y/n_Real SO PROUD OF YOU KYLIE!!! All that aside… I am soooo proud of you Kyliecantrall and I’m very happy that you have made it this far!

For anyone that’s nee here: this is my VERY talented friend Kylie, and she has made it into a Descendant movie!! I have had the honours to go to the premiere and to have known this lovely lady for quite some time!

Love you Kylie and you did an AMAZING job playing Red!!

(Also 5th picture is how I felt at the premiere)

View all 9.925 comments

Kyliecantrall I LOVE YOUUUU!!!💋❤️💕

Y/n_Real ILYYY 22222!!!! 💋💕❤️

Bsfuser I LOVE U KYLIEE!!!

Kyliecantrall I LOVE YOUT TWOOOO!!!😘😘

User1 I love her friendship with bsf/n and Kylie

User2 OMG SHE WAS AT A DESCENDANT PREMIERE!!!

User3 I WAS SO EXITED WHEN U SAW HER!!

User4 real ones know who Kylie is and her friendship with Y/n and bsf/n

User5 Now the male picture again😂

User6 I’m still so confused at this

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Instagram

Liked by Bsfuser and 767.725 others

Y/n_Real New team, new me (Also this wasn’t my plan Bsf/n dragged me into this)

View all 8.726 comments

Bsfuser Don’t say I dragged you into this. It was YOUR plan

Y/n_Real STOP SPREADING LIES!!

User7 It looks so good!

User8 Why does this seem so random?

User9 My new fav brunette and black haired duo

User10 I love you both!!

User11 you both give me dark academia vibes and I’m LOVING it!

User12 So cute!

User13 and there we go with mal… again (not complaining)

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Instagram

Liked by Bsfuser and 925.725 others

Y/n_Racing Life as a newly brunette and attending an f1 race as an announced driver for the first time

View all 9.926 comments

Redbullracing Happy to have you and glad we can see more of you next year😊

Maxverstappen1 It was nice seeing you again!

Alex_albon I see you have already taken after my hair dyeing. Welcome me the grid Y/n

Bsfuser Rude that you didn’t invite me🙄

User1 Brown hair looks good on you

User2 she is really living the dream life: going to premiers and f1 races and also going to drive in f1 and being besties with descendants cast members

User3 just wait until she meets dove Cameron or Sophia Carson, she WILL freak out

Y/n_Racing DONT EXPOSE ME!

User4 my favourite celebrity

User5 So happy to see you on the grid next year!

User6 just wait until the grid sees her descendant obsession.

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Time skip to 6 races in the season

Twitter

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Instagram

Liked by DoveCameron and 1.564.254 others

Y/n_Real A real dream come true! Me and @bsfuser met the people that started our friendship!!! It was an absolute dream meeting @DoveCameron and @SophiaCarson !

(We also got some great advise… you will see it soon)

View all 123.625 comments

DoveCameron I also had a great time meeting you! Liked by author

SophiaCarson It was lovely meeting you and bsf/n (I also hope you can do something with what I said) liked by author

Bsfuser THIS STILL FEELS LIEK A DREAM!!

Y/n_Real FOR REAL

OscarPiastri Weirdo. I noticed you where obsessed with descendants with the music that always comes from your drivers room but this…

Y/n_Real Says the one that is doing a movie marothon from descendants with his girlfriend

User7 AHHHH THEY MET!!!!

User8 What did they tell you?!

Y/n_Real It’s a secret 🤫🤫🤫

User9 Not this being one of the only posts with over a million likes😭😂

User10 I love how the drives are already aware and done with her descendants obsession

User11 I AM SO JEALOUS!!

User12 I love that for y’all!! (Totally not jealous and not sarcastic)

User13 Them also commenting🫠🫠 so cuteee!!!

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Liked by Descendants and 1.725.267 others

Y/n_Real Dove, Sophia, Bsfuser, Alex, Kylie and a lot of the drivers + descendants movie cast said I should do it… so I did. New hair era!!!

View all 267.275 comments

DoveCameron It looks so good!!

Y/b_Real Thank you!

SophiaCarson I said it would be a good idea!

Y/n_Real And you were right!

Bsfuser Should I go blue?

Y/n_Real YES!!

Alex_albon Already going for my bit I see

Y/n_Real you’ve never done purple soo…

OscarPiastri This is really beginning to become a problem

Landonorris True

Zhouguanyu24 True

Hulkhulkenberg I also see it

Logansargeant I also do

Yukitsunoda0511 Same with me

Valtteribottas I fear I also see it

Kevinmagnussen I also see this becoming a problem

PierreGasly I also do… and why purple? There are a lot of different… better colours

Lancestroll I have to admit I also see this as a problem…

DanielRiccardo Why doe it kinda look good??

EstebanOcan It doesn’t…

Fernandoalo_Oficial It does, shut up Estie

Carlossainz55 Yeah shut up Esteban

LewisHamilton It looks really good Y/n!

Y/n_Real Thank you Lewis!

LewisHamilton Also I also think Descendants is a great movie series

Y/n_Real YESSS!!

Maxverstappen1 Obsessed

Y/n_Real Says the RedBull addict

Charles_Leclerc should I now also whatch it? I want to but I think I’ve already heard to many spoilers from you

Y/n_Real watch it.

User1 All the drivers in the comments😭😂

User2 I think the grid noticed her obsession

User3 They FINNALY caught up!

User4 The hair looks amazing!

User5 everyone here talking about the hair but has anyone seen the make up?? IT LOOKS AMAZING!!

User6 Y/n had really made it now

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254 notes · View notes

frownyalfred · 1 month

Note

Can I get clarification on your pro shipping post? The example you gave was a 20 year old with a 40 year old, and that's "problematic" (not really), but not really what I think of when I hear "pro shipping". Usually it's the shipping of minor/adult or incestuous relationships that I see getting defended. Does being against fictional works/ships that depict pedophilic or incestuous relationships as normal/romantic count as puritanism to you? Do you see the ship of Bruce Wayne/Damian Wayne as a personal preference with no moral implications?

I think there's a huge difference between being personally against something, and wanting to shame others or ban others from reading or writing something. The Puritanism comes from wanting to limit and ostracize others who don't share your beliefs. It comes from believing that your perspective is the only morally right one.

I think there will always be people who want to write or read about ships like that, yeah -- incest, pseudo-incest, everything in between. By moral implications, do you mean for the person interested in the ship? Or do you mean for others? Because I see that concern a lot on here -- this idea that somehow, by wanting to read/write about something, people are either 1) harming others by spreading this morally wrong ship or 2) harming themselves by normalizing the ship, and therefore making it more likely that they'll pursue similar relationships in their real lives.

We don't have much evidence for either of those claims. People have been clutching their pearls and wringing their hands over "morally wrong" books for ages -- and yet, Game of Thrones is still available in every bookstore. Am I a bad or woefully misguided person for having read Lolita in high school? Is a 16 year old reading a Bruce/Damian fic likely to turn around, shrug, and say "guess fucking my Dad is okay now"? Did an entire generation of fans shipping Wincest somehow have lasting, moral effects? I really don't think so. Not at the scale anti-shippers online seem to think, at least.

I think we need to separate how we moralize people from the content that they consume. And acknowledge that shaming and excluding people for wanting to read something doesn't exactly do much to prevent "moral implications." There's also a huge difference between reading a book, and endorsing the ideas/events inside of it. Same things with fics.

Anti-shipping is very appealing to people because it purports to protect people from harm. Until you look a little closer, and you realize that that protection comes at the expense of free expression, creative license, and agency to choose what we personally do and do not consume. And that that protection isn't really airtight out of your anti-shipping discord or tumblr community.

I think the best we can do is let people write and read what they want -- whatever they want, with limited warnings/etc like ao3 employs -- and ensure that those pieces of content are tagged, warned, and displayed accurately. We need to understand that the only control we have is over ourselves, and what we choose personally to consume or not consume.

I don't generally read those fics you mentioned, but I'm not saying they should be banned from ao3. Just because I might possibly think they're wrong or gross doesn't mean I think the person who wrote them is wrong or gross, either. The more we go down that moral slip and slide, like I said in my previous post, the worse off we will all become.

#asks #anon #pro shipping #proship hate #fanfic #fanfiction #fic #archive of our own #ao3 #wincest #incest tw #incest mention #shipping #fandom #tumblr #discourse

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somewhereincairparavel · 7 months

Text

Dam being a Jason Grace stan in the fandom is a fucking tragedy lol. Not only do we have to deal with him being screwed over by uncle Rick, but we have to deal with the fandom hating him aswell lol, i feel like Jason Grace slander wouldnt affect me half as much if his character had gotten a happy ending. I just saw an Instagram reel about a "character's povs you skipped through'' and the comments were flooded with Jason Grace just like I'd expected lol 😭 like blud has no mercy there.

It took all my will power to not defend him under a comment that called him "homophobic", I cannot believe that comment had 4 people agreeing aswell like- did we read the same books? Did they completey skip over the coming out chapter in HOH where jason was literally the first person to tell Nico not to be ashamed of liking guys and that no one would judge him? the guy is legit one of the least problematic characters and does nothing mean, how is he even CONSIDERED in the homophobic area anyway? (he also gets slandered for being "too nice" aswell lol) so seeing him wind up in such a contradictory accusation just screams tone deaf and anti-jason bias tbh, Nico legit said he considered jason as one of his first friend/supporter (apart from his sisters) in TSATS :') its like ppl keep throwing in these false stuff bc they WANT to find a reason to hate him. (dont take this as me saying you are not allowed to hate him or something cuz that would be quite hypocritical of me, wouldnt it? i just hate that ppl make up problematic hcs of him and push them as canon, it would taint non-reader's perception of him because of false info, what if a non reader stumbled across that comment and immediately figured that jason was indeed homophobic even when he wasn't?)

Also, can we please normalize NOT judging a person for their character preferences? I like jason and i am aware that its an unpopular take, but that doesnt make me any less of a pjo fan. The fandom seems pretty aggressive when we dont follow the popular opinion. i have seen multiple ppl pretend to hate jason simply bc they WANT to fit in and "look cool", since the fandom has a tendency to use Jason as a punching bag to insult like "he's a knockoff percy" or "he thinks he's so cool but he's not". or smth, so when people do claim jason as a favourite, a huge chunk of the fandom start belittling them and go like "really? Out of all characters, why jason?" Or "Percy/Leo is better, I don't understand why you like Jason"

okay thanks for coming to my ted talk. i am aware that i was yapping here. unfair Jason Grace slander does that to me.

#Why do I always end up liking the unpopular ones #A huge chunk of the fandom doesn't respect other people's opinions either. don't get me wrong I love it here. but why.#The amount of side eyes I got when I said I liked jason smh he's fictional y'all #Like I didn't commit a crime by having him as my top 5 sheesh #Normalise not giving ppl the side eye when they say they like jason grace #jason grace #pjo #pjo series #pjo fandom #pjo toa #pjo hoo #pjo hoo toa #percy jackson #annabeth chase #hazel levesque #frank zhang #piper mclean #leo valdez

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dontcarehowlongittakes · 3 months

Text

— yearns though my heart, i watch you from afar.

synopsis. being the hardworking individual you were, earning a job at the local bookstore had you looking forward to it like it was the sunshine one craved on a misty winter morning.

or maybe it was the fact that you were addicted to books.

or maybe the fact that this one guy with weird bangs comes for weekly visits.

genres/themes. suguru geto x reader, fluff, pure fluff, non-sorcerer!au, bookstore worker!reader, heavy, heavy pining (both from reader and suguru), cameo of satoru, shoko, kento and haibara!, (tw!) suguru smokes, reader has had a problematic past (not specified), reader is an implied thriller fan.

yoi’s notes. *incoherent mumbling through tears* why can’t my brain just shut down for a moment,

word count. 5.2k ( ~ 5.3 lol, help this wasn’t supposed to be this long)

∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠° even if my heart stops beating

he’s here again.

a part of you mentally cursed yourself for not paying attention to the booklists you were supposed to be reviewing because obviously you were too busy waiting for him to arrive, while another part celebrated that at least he had arrived.

strange guy, he was— never once in your life had you thought that you’d think of someone else other than yourself and your never-ending books, but here you were— life proving you wrong once again.

although, you weren’t exactly complaining, were you?

slender hands of his skimmed over the book covers, concentrated dark eyes like an abyss of mystery— the faint sunlight casting them in such an ethereal glow that made them seem like rich pools of honey. his silky black hair was kept loose down his shoulders today, you noticed— save for the messy bun he had made with the upper half.

like hell were you complaining.

nimble fingers of yours fidgeted with the now crumpled sheet— and you let out a hiss, only just realising that you had crushed the poor paper that contained your to-do list for the day.

sorry, to-do list.

but hey, it’s not like destroying your to-do list had rendered you completely jobless— now you could watch the one whom you secretly admired in peace.

reason? your list got so crumpled up that you couldn’t even read it, duh.

and who was the one who crumpled it?

. . .

ah, maybe let’s not think about the list anymore.

where were you again? ah, yes, back to being your admiring self. the thriller book you’d always had since a high schooler by your side— you gave it a little tap of confirmation, speaking to it in a language only you and the book seemed to understand.

those eyes of yours fixed upon the man— could he even be called a man, at this point?— he was simply so . . . other-worldly that you often found yourself mentioning him to your co-workers, just to make sure that he was real and not just a figment of your imagination.

you still remembered the looks on their faces— small frowns embedded on their expression as they eyed you suspiciously, until your manager snapped at you all to start working already (“college kids these days,” he had muttered under his breath) but— did you mind?

not one bit, if he was involved.

his slow, sauntering footsteps made the wooden floor hum a soft clack— and you strangely found yourself listening to it, as if immersed in a melody only he was singing to you— a melody which only you could hear, and no one else.

your gaze lingered on the way his dark strands looked, especially those curiously styled bangs of his— wondering how it could look so soft and silky as the gentle sunlight painted it a shimmering brown— how, somehow, you had never wanted anything in this whole damn world other than running your fingers through those alluring locks. humming to yourself, you took occasional sips from the water bottle you had brought along— only to notice that it had long got over, and yet, here you were, still holding it to your lips like a complete idiot— eyes peering over the lid at a certain someone.

but, somehow, you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

not one bit.

didn’t care if you looked like some lovesick fool right now— hey, at least he was the cause.

and you’d gladly be any fool in this whole damn universe if it comes to him.

you tilted your head, catching a glimpse of how his hand went back to scratch the back of his neck— a thoughtful expression on his face, and oh how your heart did a little flip when you saw that little, focused frown of his— making you almost drop the bottle, but you weren’t a complete idiot.

or were you?

“. . hey,” a small, annoyed voice says, snapping you out of your trance as you jerk your head downwards, to find a boy who looked no older than seven stare up at you with a scowl on his little face. “i’ve been callin’ you for five times, y’know.”

okay, maybe you were an idiot.

“oh,” you blinked, before letting out a sheepish chuckle, “sorry, lil’ guy. what can i help you with?”

“sorry yourself, miss girl who stares creepily at guys,” he said, making your eyes widen in an almost comically surprised way— okay, you were seriously doubting whether this kid was seven or not— “i wan’ this.”

the boy’s tiny hand placed a magazine on the table, the smooth cover sliding across the wooden surface.

you raised a brow, eyes narrowing whilst you read the oh so interesting title— ‘Girls’ You Can’t Get, So You Can Stare At Them Instead’— and regretting your life decisions as you flipped just one page— only to be met with some very . . not-so-family-friendly pictures of women.

swallowing a lump in your throat, your gaze flickered back to the menace— boy— in question; a small, flickering smile on your face.

“that’d be, uh,” you hastily flipped over to the back cover of the magazine, checking the price, “two hundred and ninety eight yen.”

handing him the receipt and the change after he had paid, you noticed how the kid immediately held onto it in an overly possessive grip, eyeing you warily, as if you were gonna snatch it out of his grip.

as he turned to walk out, you couldn’t help but blurt out the question you’d been pondering over since the past few minutes.

“hey— kid,” your voice said awkwardly, and he stopped in his tracks, raising a brow whilst looking at you over his shoulder, “how . . old are you?”

he let out a small ‘tsk’, rolling his eyes— a scowl settling over his features again.

“five.”

you could only stare as he stepped out of the store, mouth slightly parted in disbelief and surprise— eyes wide. five? and here you were, thinking that lil’ shit was seven.

you made sure to set a reminder to talk to your manager about stacking those— magazines— strictly in the adult section.

squinting your eyes at the place from where the kid must’ve taken that book, an audible gasp escaped you when your gaze landed on the sign-post just beside the shelves.

kid’s section.

and whilst you sat there on your chair, rethinking every single life decision you’ve ever made, a certain someone chuckled to themselves— the sound small and barely audible— filling the air for only a few seconds, yet lingering on for eternity.

｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ even if the world stops shaking

suguru had always been a patient, patient man.

some would say that was nature all along— the polite child he’d been, smooth voice so full of charm that he everyone was drawn to him and his beautiful, beautiful self— like a moth finding a source of light for the first time, a found serendipity that made him treasured by everyone he knew.

his head tilted upwards to gaze at the pink-tinged sky— dark pupils lingering on a moment too long at a peculiar shaped cloud as his white-haired friend’s voice filled the air, going on and on like a tuneless hum— hey, that looked a bit like satoru’s glasses, didn’t it?

“have any left?” suguru’s smooth voice muttered— and although satoru’s loud rambles drowned his words— a cigarette was placed into his hands by shoko, who gave him a knowing look.

good ol’ shoko.

“heyy, are you guys even listenin’ to me?” satoru’s whine earned him a light shove on the shoulder from suguru, who couldn’t help but let out an amused chuckle.

“took you long enough to figure out that we weren’t,” shoko’s voice took a sarcastic turn whilst she twirled the cigarette between her fingers idly, bored eyes staring at the male.

“i was listening, senpai!” eyes lighting up with sparkles, haibara gazed at his upperclassmen in childlike awe; looking very much like an excited puppy— but then again, when was he not cheerful and excited?— suguru couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped him yet again.

good ol’ haibara, suguru thought.

“uh huh? what was i saying then?” satoru grumbled, a pout on his boyishly hansome face whilst he crossed his arms— still a bit put off by the fact that his friends weren’t really paying attention to him.

“you were saying somethin’ about— the . . . the sea cucumber you found the other day when you went at the beach?” haibara stammered, an almost pitiful frown embedded on his face as he tried to remember what exactly satoru had been talking about— which of course earned a laugh from shoko and suguru.

“sea shells,” said a quiet voice, holding a tinge of irritability to it— and all of their heads jerked towards the direction of kento— who they thought hadn’t even acknowledged their very existence whilst being immersed in his book, let alone listen to satoru’s little chatters— before erupting into fits of laughter.

“oh, man,” satoru held onto his aching stomach, pretty blue orbs already reduced to tears— even he, though the one speaking, knew that kento usually paid as much attention to him as a person generally would to a roadside rock— but then again, they wouldn’t have been friends for so long if it had been as simple as that.

“kento, you really were listenin’, huh?” haibara slapped his hand on his shoulder, positively beaming— and oh how kento’s ears burned red in embarrassment.

“shut up,” he mumbled— shrugging the male’s hand off his shoulder as he busied himself with his book again, almost painfully obvious in the way he was avoiding either of their gazes.

good ol’ kento, suguru thought.

“mhmm, you’re right, my dearest kenny,” satoru cooed, slinging an arm around the younger male’s shoulder, positively relishing in the way he earned himself an irritated sigh from oh so grumpy kento— a bark of laughter escaping him as he ruffled his hair.

the sound was so youthful— filling the air like a harmonious tune, rough though it came off as— yet producing such a soothing effect because of the sheer joy it carried, a joy which was pure, a joy which was real.

good ol’ satoru, suguru thought.

“ooh, you might wanna be careful with the hair,” shoko snickered, puffing out a cloud of smoke— her laugh mirroring satoru’s.

“i’m making it look a bit more presentable, mind you,” satoru retorted, sarcasm oozing from his words as yet another laugh escaped him— suguru shook his head, heaving a light-hearted sigh; oh god, not one day passed without someone commenting on poor kento’s hairstyle— not that he was entirely sorry for him, as he took part in it quite as much.

and as his eyes watched kento furiously struggling to get out of satoru’s vice-like arm lock, a strange feeling emerged in his heart— a feeling he couldn’t quite place his finger upon.

longing.

for what, though? suguru couldn’t help but ponder, the cigarette resting lazily between his lips— completely unaware of the fact that it was still unlit— his friends were right here.

sure, they were. but something wasn’t there as well. something that made his head spin in such a dizzyingly sweet manner that he wanted it to never, ever stop.

something.

and where was this something?

he paused. slender fingers reaching up to slowly remove the cigarette from his lips— exhaling air, expecting to see a puff of smoke— dark eyes widening the moment he saw nothing.

the cigarette was still unlit.

still unlit.

and suddenly, he knew where it was. this something.

standing up gingerly, suguru brushed some dirt off his jeans, slinging his bag over his shoulder— heads turning to look at him, his friends’ curious eyes peering into his own.

suguru was a patient, patient man. a man who’d learnt to share his comforts— a man who’d been accustomed to comforting people just by his mere presence—

but strangely enough— for once in his life— he didn’t want to share.

this something of his.

“where’re you goin’, suguru?” satoru asked, his grip on kento’s face loosening— and kento taking the chance to immediately distance himself from satoru by at least five feet— “oh, don’t tell me.” —those mystifying, cerulean eyes of eyes threatened to roll to the back of his head— “you’re going to that crappy bookstore again.”

raising a brow, it was now suguru’s turn to roll his eyes.

“indeed, i am going to that crappy bookstore, satoru,” he tittered, a small, amused smirk on his face, “i have to buy this book i looked up yesterday—”

“since when were you the one to read so many books?” shoko narrowed her eyes— and, for the first time in his life, suguru didn’t want to be questioned— didn’t want to be the found serendipity, just— a quiet getaway.

to his something.

“senpai’s very smart, though!” haibara beamed, lips spreading into a wide grin. “i once saw him—”

“shut up for a while, haibara,” shoko retorted— which earned a small ‘sorry, senpai’ from the younger male— “and you, suguru. what’s up with you these days, huh? you keep disappearing on weekends. and— and you have this strange sorta look— like you wanna be somewhere. what’s goin’ on?”

suguru almost wanted to let out a gentle laugh at how those brown eyes of shoko were filled with suspicion— and underneath all that façade, concern; drowning in honey pools full of questions.

and for once, he didn’t want to answer those questions.

for once, he just wanted to go away.

to his something.

“no reason,” suguru said, his back now facing them, hand raised in a goodbye— which haibara eagerly returned with an overly enthusiastic wave of his, even though the ravenette couldn’t see him— “i’ll be back in a few.”

he felt their gazes on him. pointing, but not piercing.

and oh how he was thankful for that.

hands in his pockets, suguru’s gaze lingered on the cracks between the footwalk, noticing how the little flowers managed to bloom, though being surrounded by a world of concrete. but hey, the sun was to keep them company, wasn’t it?

slender fingers of his fidgeted with the unlit cigarette in his pocket— as he reminded himself back again where he was going— feet abruptly stopping as he realised that he was here already.

suguru’s hands pushed open the door, as he passed by the ‘smoking is strictly prohibited’ sign pasted on the glass— the gentle tinkle of the bells announcing his presence as he walked his way towards the non-fiction section. his usual stop.

and from the corner of his eye, he gazed at your sleeping figure at the desk— a small chuckle escaping him— a glint of pure adoration in his eyes.

why?

of course, he knew. but he daren’t say that, even to himself.

he was back.

to his something.

you.

your eyes shut and your hair slightly obscuring your face, suguru relished in the peaceful expression on your face. quiet, like a deer— resting in a open foliage— in a small patch of tender grass it found, upon which sunlight hit so softly that the poor animal couldn’t help it. innocent, like it didn’t know that it could be get pounced upon by the tiger— just like you slept on your job, blissfully unaware that the tiger— your manager— could come into the shop anytime.

good ol’ you, suguru thought.

∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠° pretty boy, you did this to me, boy

fixing your gaze upon the ceiling, a sigh escaped you— almost inaudible, as if you were afraid of disturbing an unknown presence.

yet, you knew you were alone.

and yet, strangely enough— it didn’t bother you, like it usually did. at least to most people.

it wasn’t as if your thoughts were all sunshine and daisies either, hell no— far from that, in fact. but hey, at least you weren’t drowning in your thoughts like you did before.

you had grown, hadn’t you?

maybe that little, nagging voice said otherwise— 'grown? you've deteriorated even more from before, you idiot,' it snickered, the little scoff that left it resonating through your entire soul, like a haunting siren’s call— yet another voice— a quiet but steady one— seemed to soothe your mind.

‘she’s healing. don’t you forget that,’ it said— its presence so welcoming that you might as well regard it as the sailor who had saved you from the grasp of that malevolent little siren. it’s voice didn’t resonate, didn’t linger on in your thoughts, as that one had— yet it had a more lasting effect.

you were healing.

you’ve grown.

one of your hands, which had been resting at the back of your head, reached out to stretch in front of your eyes— which had long grown accustomed to the dim moonlight peeking through the window of your room— as if you were trying to shield yourself from some sort of light. you simply stared at it; gaze fixated on your spread out fingers, eyes flickering towards the veins running along your hand now and then, like some forbidden sort of creeper living inside your body.

except that this creeper was the reason you were living.

crap, you’ve missing out on your biology lectures a bit too much haven’t you?

and as your gaze lingered onto your skin you couldn’t help but ponder— did you really know the back of your hand well enough to live upto the expectations of people actually deciding to pose a proverb based on it— did you know the back of your hand like the back of your hand?

it was a silly thought, but then again, no one— except you— was here, in the confines of your room.

no one to chide you, except you.

eh, you might as well do it— you’ve called yourself much worse things than ‘silly’ in the past, anyway.

flipping over your position to rest on your stomach instead, you laid your hands onto your pillow; stray strands of your tousled hair falling over your eyes— but you didn’t tuck them behind your ear, not now— you had a very important examination to do.

at least, it was important to you, anyway.

your fingers stretched out on the soft fabric of your pillow— and oh how gently did you treat them, like a fragile test subject which could crumble away at the slightest bit of mishandling— eyes gazing at the various lines running across your skin.

and strangely enough, each one told you a story.

not stories just anyone could understand— just you, of course, because you were the one who’d know the back of your hand well, after all.

your gaze travelled across the sharp ridges and falls of your knuckles, noting how the tender skin between them stretched as you folded your hands into a fist— eyes filled with an unexplainable awe that you yourself couldn’t describe.

this was how it felt like knowing something.

knowing, not in a crude way— like going on a quest for an unsure treasure, like getting information— no, it was knowing.

it was a pleasant feeling.

and as you stared at the back of your hand, a strange longing spread throughout your chest— a longing which you failed to understand, yet knew where it came from almost a second later.

of course.

to discover, to know— the thought whispered such encouraging little wants that you found yourself yearning for more— for more to discover, for more to know.

who, though?

. . .

maybe you knew the answer to that already.

and suddenly, you were sitting up on the mattress, fingers fumbling in a frenzied fashion to get out of your duvet— your feet taking quick steps towards the study desk placed just aside your bed, hands grabbing a pencil and a piece of paper that you managed to catch sight of at the corner of your eye.

a hasty stroke here, and a line there. you might have wanted to give the edge a bit of a softer tone, but you quickly dismissed the thought when you tried it out— impatiently rubbing away the unwanted addition.

your heart was pounding, so loud that you could hear it— as if it had suddenly lurched up to your throat— slightly ragged breaths escaping your parted lips; but you were not to stop anytime soon.

it didn’t take you long.

knees wobbling slightly due to the unexpected tension you had launched upon yourself earlier, you flopped back down on the bed— holding up the piece of paper up to your face just like you had held up your hand earlier— and you stared.

it wasn’t perfect, you knew— but oh how it made a faint red tinge to your cheeks appear— the sweet blush spreading across your face.

you’d been careful with his eyes— how they’d crease ever so slightly when he had that focused frown plastered on his face, how his bangs obscured the vision of his left eye a bit— how his lips pursed in a thoughtful manner whilst he decided which book to pick.

and before you knew, a smile had spread across your lips— one that you didn’t initiate, but rather your heart.

you longed for something, and here you had it right here— as if shielding you from some unknown light whilst you held it up to your face— and oh how your heart did a little dance.

a dance of longing.

longing to know this something of yours.

him.

｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+ baby girl, look where we made it, girl

damn, he’d really outdone himself today.

first, dealing with satoru’s dramatic ass when he kept insisting on singing some cringey romantic songs to piss kento off— when he obviously wasn’t opposed to the idea— but then again, the song that his best friend had chosen had made bile come up to his throat, so he had very (not) respectfully declined the offer.

that was a big achievement itself, but here he was— having an umbrella clasped in his hands when he always was without one, most of the times.

it wasn’t that he forgot— nature had a strange relationship with him, somehow, always wanting him to get drenched in the little pelts of water it showered upon him— all the while sending everyone but him some sort of signal that it was going to rain.

changed, have you, nature?

suguru watched as his boots stepped over the little temporary ponds that the rain had created in the busy streets— occasionally, someone would run past him in search of a dry place— reminding himself of him, when nature had some sort of grudge against him.

his feet slowed down, eyes gazing up at the gray skies whilst tilting back his umbrella to a distance enough to keep himself dry— silently pondering over the endless horizon of nothingness, all the while raindrops pelted against his walking shelter— bouncing against the black fabric with an almost repetitive synchronization; like some sort of message that they were trying to whisper to him, some sort of thing that only he was supposed to know.

eyes turning back to the path ahead, he resumed his walk— picking up his pace, about to turn towards the left to head to his apartment when—

suguru paused, his breath catching in his throat.

you.

you looked beautiful in the rain.

though being drenched from head to toe, stray strands of your hair sticking to your face as you took hurried footsteps across the street with that exasperated look on your face— suguru thought you looked like the most breathtaking thing in the world, like something he was meant to stare at for eternity.

his gaze lingered on your figure as you walked fast enough to not let yourself slip— simply entranced by the way you moved— even though your movements were a bit jittery.

and oh how his heart clenched at the realisation.

you were shivering.

cold, you were— and here he was, unable to do anything but simply watch you from afar. here he was, warm in his overcoat and dry in under his umbrella— whilst your body trembled in the rain.

it wasn't fair, suguru thought.

you shouldn’t be there— shaking under the mocking, heavy raindrops that the sky hurled towards you, as your feet deseperately carried you to a dry place— no, you should be right here, with him; in his arms, all the while he shielded you from the rain and provided you with his warmth—

suguru paused, forced to tear his focus away from his thoughts as he watched your figure abruptly stop next to a small box on the ground.

his eyes narrowed— what were you thinking? you shouldn’t be out here, what if you got sick?—

the male’s breath catched in his throat.

you were crouching down infront of the box, a hesitant expression on your face— which made his heart clench— it was almost as if you were making a difficult choice, one that tore your heart apart.

yet, you did it anyway.

suguru’s eyes widened as you took out a book from your bag— the very same book you had with you at all times, one that he believed was your source of comfort— and pried it open, parting it in half— before you placed it upside down, over something in the drenched box.

your little smile as you walked away was something suguru would never forget in his entire life.

his eyes watched your retreating figure as if caught in a daze— he hadn’t even noticed how tight his grip had become on the handle of his umbrella, hadn’t noticed how he had been holding his breath.

though suguru did not know much about you, he knew that— that book mattered to you.

it had mattered to you so damn much.

watching you from the corner of his eye as his fingers had skimmed over the various covers of the non-fiction books arranged on the mahogany bookshelves, he had seen how you always had that book with you— like a companion, like a constant being that stayed with you no matter what— suguru had watched it being a part of yourself.

and yet, you had left that part of yourself today.

for what?

and before he knew it, he was walking— taking long strides over to the box, expression hardened and demanding— he simply had to know—

oh.

a small meow escaped the little kitten as it stared curiously up at suguru, sheltered underneath the hard cover of your book.

oh.

for this.

and as suguru walked back to his apartment, the raindrops soaking him through, he couldn’t help the little grin on his face— the image of his umbrella over the box while it kept your book and the lil’ feline dry playing on and on into his mind like a broken melody.

a melody he would never get tired of hearing.

so this was the message nature was trying to tell him?

that he’d always get drenched in every rain, even if he did bring an umbrella with him.

suguru shook his head, sighing to himself.

good one, nature.

｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+∘⁠˚⁠˳⁠° I'm taking this moment, ooh, with me, nah Wherever I'm going I'm happy you're coming, ooh, with me With me, yeah

you were distracted.

you knew that.

even when he walked in, the gentle tinkling of the bell filling the air; your head was down in your arms— a blank expression on your face, as you simply breathed.

or tried to focus on your breathing.

but there was just this constant lump in your throat that restricted you from doing so— this very lump that made you feel as if you were drowning, as if you were suffocating in your own turmoil of thoughts—

you missed it.

your book.

oh, how you missed it— so much that your heart hurt whenever you thought about it.

but you also knew that it would have been reduced to a soggy, barely readable mess now— probably taken away by a pick-up garbage truck, gone; just like that.

just like how you had given that kitten a temporary shield from the rain. just like that.

hey, at least that was the little silver thread— if not lining— on the this cloud that weighed over your head like a constant, haunting ghost; making your heart feel a bit lighter, if not lifting your spirits entirely.

if you had been your usual admiring self today, you would’ve noticed how he had gone to the thriller, not non-fiction section of the bookstore— how his fingers hadn’t lingered onto the book covers thoughtfully, how he had a knowing, not contemplative expression on his face— how he had picked out a book and came back without staying for a bit and browsing through some other ones. as he usually did.

strange how things work when you decide to let go of yourself for a while.

a sudden tap on the counter made you jump— and oh your heart did a little flip; your eyes meeting his dark pools, how you wanted to drown into them— how you wanted to just get lost in them and, gladly, never be found again.

you stared at him, and he stared back— neither of you saying anything for a while.

an unspoken connection between you two coursed through your minds— and both of you were sure that the other could feel it too— how could you not, when it was so painfully obvious in the way your eyes glimmered and his dark gaze softened as he watched you?

. . .

“good afternoon,” he said, and you thought you’d fall if not for your chair beneath you as you stood, knees wobbling slightly— you could listen to that voice of his everyday, and you still wouldn’t get enough— “may i buy this book?”

your gaze flickered down to the book in question, and your eyes widened ever so slightly— breath catching in your throat.

it was another copy of the same book you had left some days ago.

swallowing that lump in your throat, you raised your head tentatively to meet his eyes, a small, hesitant smile grazing your lips—

“y-yeah, uh..” you stammered, and almost immediately regretted it, cheeks burning oh so red in embarrassment, “that’d be . . three hundred and ninety nine yen.”

“alright,” he said in that dizzying voice of his, and you quickly looked back at the book to not let it affect you.

you tried not look, tried not to pay attention to how his hands slid the coin so gently onto the counter— as if he was afraid you’d crumble away if he was a bit too harsh— tried not to notice the small, almost fond smile that tugged at the corner of his lips as he gazed at you, not the book.

you tried not to see, but then again, how could you not when he was involved?

your fingers trembled ever so slightly as you returned the change, hands putting the book in a bag in an almost mechanical manner— but as you raised your head to hand him the book— he wasn’t there.

gone.

your eyes widened, mouth opening to call out to him— but you paused, catching sight of a little note on the counter you hadn’t noticed before.

‘i thought i’d explore another genre other than non-fiction.

tell me about it when you finish reading, won’t you?

suguru geto.’

and oh how you fell to your chair, slumping back as a stupidly wide grin made way to your face— how your cheeks flushed red, and how your fingers trembled as you held onto that note— how a hushed, little laugh escaped your lips in such a tender, genuine manner that it seemed as if you were being embraced by a soothing spirit.

but did you care?

not one bit, if he was involved.

and as suguru walked back to his apartment, he gazed up at the sky— a small smile plastered on his face, hands shoved in his pockets as he felt the breeze caress his face in a gentle, reassuring manner— as it was proud of him.

and so he was, too.

proud of himself and his little something.

you.

☆ @dontcarehowlongittakes on tumblr. do not copy or post any of my works without my permission.

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bluberryfields · 1 year

Text

"David is very easy to fall in love with." - Michael Sheen

Hi. How are you? Good, I hope. Okay, so can we talk about just how fucking beautiful David Tennant is? And by “we” I mean “I” and by “talk” I mean “babble incoherently into the void”? Great! I’ll attempt to impose a bit of organization on this just to satisfy my pathological need to inflict structure on words (thanks college/job/brain), but I can’t promise much. Also, there will be A LOT of pictures and gifs. (you’re welcome?)

And this isn’t just because I am deep in the bottomless well of Good Omens fandom and that Crowley is basically the most breathtaking creature that has ever existed. Well, not just because of that.

*cue Aziraphale's "good lord" from 1793*

ANYWAY, like a lot of people, I became a fan of (i.e., fell deeply and irrevocably in love with) DT during his run as the 10th Doctor. He was young and bright and full of just about everything – joy, sorrow, wit – making him incredibly watchable. His look was also so charming: big bouncy rooster comb of hair, absurdly cheeky smile, expressive-as-fuck eyes and eyebrows, and a tall, lanky form that seemed to be made of rubber and the kind of granulated sugar that could only be found in candy from the 90s that are now banned in all first- and second-world countries.

So yeah, I was super into him and his Doctor’s adventures. And I continued to watch him in other projects and still swoon (looking at you, slutty Hamlet)

even at characters where that was not the desired reaction (fuck you, Kilgrave, you delicious monster).

I would also always become a bit (a lot) weak in the knees at his voice regardless of which accent he took on, though always preferring him doing any Scottish brogue because of fucking course.

youtube

Roll that tongue, you sexy beast.

But what I want to get into today is just how incredible he looks in the year of 2023.

He’s 52 years old and I am somehow even more attracted to him. Maybe it’s because I am myself older, and my tastes have matured alongside? I certainly do enjoy gray hair way more than I did 10 years ago.

He’s aged incredibly well, probably a combination of good genes and good health, and he’s clearly not clinging to the Hollywood idea of “youth”.

(insert obligatory grumble about the double standards of men being praised for aging and women being demonized…the potentially problematic nature of the term “aging well” in general…acknowledge this with my enlightened brain but ignore this with my slutty heart…fuck the patriarchy, etc. etc.)

He’s still tall and skinny, even gangly at times, all long arms and legs that can move in impossible directions with unfathomable grace.

His face is leaner, that incredible bone structure creating sharper edges that draw the eye. Speaking of the face, he’s got these creases on his forehead and at the corners of his eyes and mouth that are evidence of time spent well: smiling, laughing, living. Makes you want to trace your fingertips along each one.

Oh god that smile? Good lord. It’s weapons grade charm that can also be quite intimidating. Sweet, humble, silly, scary…full spectrum of options here! His shark smile is the definition of “irresistible” in my Dictionary of Delicious Dudes.

I am both proud of and grossed out by my own word choice.

Continuing with that face...the hawkish nose, the dimples you want to drown in, the big eyes, those motherfucking eyebrows...

I could seriously write a whole essay about those eyebrows, but I already give my therapist enough to worry about.

Oh those eyes. “Piercing” is a term usually reserved for blue eyes, but I would argue it applies to DT’s bottomless chocolate pools in that they slice through my heart every damn time.

Honorable mention does go to those Crowley snake eyes because they could have been distracting and diminishing to his overall look, but they absolutely are not.

Such a pretty shade of yellow.

Random tangent to swoon about his hands. For whatever reason, I like checking out a man’s hands, and DT’s got a set that drives me wild. I can’t even really explain why, but I just really like the way he articulates with them. Crowley is a perfect example, what with the miracle snaps, caressing globes, and holding whisky glasses. Yum.

Delicious demon digits

Fresh tangent: How does this fucker look good clean shaven, with stubble, and a goddamn beard? How is that allowed?

He's got a face that makes me wanna take up sculpting

Further, how is his fucking neck so hot? Like, seriously, show me the math. I can’t stop staring at it. And when it’s cloaked in a turtleneck? Please, sir, may I have some more?

Fuuuuuuuck

With no segue whatsoever, I am absolutely obsessed with his hair, across all contexts. Big, bold, blood-red Crowley coifs (especially in Season 2)? Check.

Proper gentleman side part? Check.

Side shave with cartoonishy springy 14th Doctor shock? Check.

Lockdown locks with and without headband? Check!

It’s a goddamn buffet of delicious options.

Oh damn speaking of that 14th Doctor look? Good fucking Christ on a buttery Ritz cracker. The whole DT collection is on display: the hair, the eyes, the bone structure, the smile, the clothes, and even the glasses!

To quote Pam on Archer, “I swear to god, you could drown a toddler in my panties right now! I mean, not that you would.”

Now that you (I) mention the clothes, I never cease to marvel at how he can wear pretty much anything and look amazing. Stripes, patterns, wild colors, etc. He just always looks…not exactly comfortable, but sort of at ease like the clothes were created with him in mind. And this goes across the spectrum of Casual to Costume to Promotional (e.g., interviews and premieres).

They are almost illegally cute together

We all know by now how ridiculously tight those Crowley pants are and how it influenced his signature serpentine swagger (thank you, Costume department, you’re the real heroes). That said, he and those slinky hips still looks so incredibly natural in them like they came from his actual closet.

Stupid sexy snek

And he pulls off the look of more ridiculous stuff like full Shakespearean costumes or that sad gray-hoodie-black-shorts-and-Wellington-boots combo from the first season of Staged. He somehow gives off the air of “whatever, they’re just clothes, man” while also looking like a damn model.

Georgia is a very lucky woman

Final thoughts: I know DT dislikes talking about how people think he’s so attractive because I’m sure it feels a bit icky if you just want to live your life and do your job. But my guy also clearly understands that he’s not some ghoul who has succeeded on incredible personality and acting chops alone. So, that said, maybe he'll forgive me for posting such a long, rambling, ode to him?

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madridfangirl · 2 months

Text

Star crossed lovers (Jude Bellingham fic)

Chapter 8

(Series Link)

Jude * female reader. Mature Language in parts.

Synopsis: A chance encounter in a tiny Madrid cafe with the newest superstar of her fav club. The two couldn't be more different, yet both feel the pull toward the other. Would this girl be the one he finally falls for? Would she make him change his ways? Even though she resists him every step of the way, would he fight all odds (& her) to have her in his life? Or would life come in the way of these star-crossed lovers?

.............................................................................................

‘Good to see you, Agnes. Hope this wasn’t too much trouble.’

Ananya was sat in Jude’s car, on the way to his house. They had Saturday off and decided to spend the day together. Second proper date, exactly a week after the first one.

‘Not at all, ma’am. Good to see you too!’

‘Please call me Ananya.’

The chauffeur smiled - a well mannered, sweet, middle-aged gentleman. Then proceeded to tell her how Jude had also insisted to be called by his name, stating that Mr. Bellingham sounded like his grandpa.

‘Haha yeah that’s him.’

Agnes nodded, smiling fondly, encouraged by her interest.

‘He’s a fine young man. Always considerate. Sometimes too much so. Thankfully, his mother is around to manage his affairs. She’s the one who hired me.’

Normally, Ananya may have found such a mother-son dynamic & dependence problematic. A yellow flag even. But here, it seemed wholesome. A sweet Mama’s boy.

She wondered what his mother would be like. Then quickly dismissed the thought & the panic that generated. Too soon.

Agnes kept chatting along the way, sharing small titbits on Jude’s fan encounters - both sweet & crazy ones.

When they were about to reach, she felt a strange bout of anxiety. Last week had been heavy. At work & personally. Especially that rotten article & the aftermath. She fixed her attire & makeup to beat the nerves.

But when she opened the car door and saw him waiting on the porch, looking dashing in his off white jumper & joggers, flashing a million dollar smile, the anxiety evaporated.

Jude closed the distance in big strides. And she all but ran into his outstretched arms. How much they had craved this warmth & comfort all week.

His lips grazed the top of her head. She smiled into his chest. Man, he was tall, towering over her.

‘Hey beautiful.’

She sighed, and craned her neck up to look at the smiling boy.

‘Hey you.’

He leaned down, cupped one side of her face and placed a lingering kiss on the other cheek.

When he was about to lean in again towards her slightly parted lips, he saw Agnes standing uncomfortably on the side, carrying her bag & a parcel for Jude.

‘Thank you, Agnes.’

Jude took the items in one hand, while his other hand remained around her waist. She hid her face in his chest in embarrassment. The sound of his kiss still ringing in her ears.

‘We’ll be here a while, pls take the day off.’

Agnes nodded & left quickly as Jude led her into the house. The place looked different in the day - colours bright & visible with the ample natural light flowing in.

‘The weather is nice - wanna chill outside?’

‘Sure - just gonna take these off first.’

She bent down to remove her boots, wincing as the material scraped against her skin.

‘That bad huh?’

‘Oh it’s a torture chamber in here.’

She hated stiletto heels with a vengeance. But her roommate insisted this particular pair went perfectly with her attire and accentuated her butt.

Jude was hoping she kept them on. They looked stunning with her black tights. But that was before he knew they hurt.

He fetched a bag full of hotel slippers and laid it in front of her. She raised an eyebrow at him & he shrugged casually.

‘Kinda horde ‘em. Comfy.’

And man were they comfy. She found a pair that almost fit her and practically moaned in relief.

The backyard was cozy, with an outdoor pool, a covered gazebo and open garden.

They went to the gazebo and settled down on adjoining loungers, turning to their sides to face each other. His tall frame barely fit on it, legs dangling over.

Jude asked her about home, family & friends in India. And listened keenly as she chatted away, making mental notes to google a few things he didn’t understand.

He learned that she was a classical dancer, had grown up in Delhi and was a junior debating champion. And that she was one of her city toppers in high school. Her university stories particularly intrigued him, given he never got to go. She was also preparing to go to Stanford for an MBA in a few years & was working on her application. She was friendly with many but had a close set of core friends, much like him. Family was front & centre in her life too.

‘Must be tough, living away like this, all on your own?’

A tinge of nostalgia flickered in her eyes.

‘Am getting used to it.’

Jude reached over & stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers, then let his arm rest on her waist, playing with the hem of her deep purple sweater.

‘Your brother, older or younger?’

‘Older.’

‘Football fan?’

‘Nope. Out & out cricket person. He plays also.’

‘I played too, in school. Am not bad. Back home in Brum, quite a few cricket fans.’

‘Good for you.’

They fell into a comfortable silence, soaking in the early Nov Spanish sun. She closed her eyes, enjoying the siesta.

Jude couldn’t follow suit. Kept admiring her peaceful face. She deserved the respite, after backbreaking work & also what he had put her through. The media circus had taken a life of its own after that god-awful piece. But neither wanted to bring it up, determined to make today a happy day.

His gaze moved lower. To her slender neck. Grazed by a few loose strands from her messy bun. And a delicate golden necklace.

Few minutes later, he spoke up.

‘Listen, I know we said we won’t tell anyone.’

Her eyes flew open.

‘Yes. We said it’s for the best.’

‘Right. But, can we make one exception?’

‘Who?’

‘Jobe. He kinda senses something already, said I was being cagey af. And, he can keep a secret.’

He waited, unsure of her reaction. She would have been more wary if it were anyone else.

‘Look at it this way. At some point am gonna fuck up. Need someone sane for advice then. Gotta be him. He’s the smartest guy I know. Not you smart but still.’

She grinned, and he knew he had won. He seemed to have a way of making her give in.

They had their lunch outside, not wanting to move from their cozy spot. The wine lifted the spirits further. Jude usually didn’t have much alcohol unless on a break, but he decided to make an exception today. The lunch, though, was a healthy salad.

When he refilled her glass the third time, she poked a finger in his chest.

‘Tryna get me drunk?’

‘Always.’

She giggled, the wine starting to have its effect.

‘Then why did you get mad at me drinking that day?’

‘You weren’t safe then. Here, you are.’

Warmth rose in the pit of her stomach, as she aimlessly fiddled with the fabric of the sofa.

‘I’d like a different nickname though. My folks call me Judey.’

Ananya groaned, remembering how she had said it out loud that night.

Jude chuckled & leaned closer, tilting his head, enjoying her discomfort.

‘You call me that in your fantasies or…’

She put her hand flat on his face & pushed him away, as he wiggled his eyebrows. His booming laugh ringing through the air.

‘I’ll come back on the nickname.’

‘Let’s see if it’s better than dove.’

She rolled her eyes. This wasn’t a competition.

‘How old are you, 5?’

He smiled at how she had used his jersey number instead.

‘Say yes once, and I’ll show you how old I am.’

Insinuation dripping, rather drooling from his voice, and she turned his face away again, this time to hide her fluster.

3 blissful hours passed in a jiffy. Conversation flowing smoothly like their wine. It was only when the weather got a bit rough that they moved inside.

By then, the discussion had moved to who the bigger football fan was between the two.

‘Umm I kinda play professionally? For the biggest club?’

Ananya brushed it off.

‘And I have been watching them religiously for 15 years. What’s your point?’

They decided to play FIFA to settle the debate. Then argued over who gets to pick Madrid. After a long discussion, Jude agreed to play with Dortmund, claiming he was giving her a head start, dodging the cushion she threw at him.

‘What do I get when I win despite your advantage?’

‘IF. You mean IF.’

The casually cocky smirk returned. She wanted to smack that smug face. And….bite it at the same time? The boy was infuriating.

‘What do you want?’

‘You’ll wear my jersey.’

‘NO. Next.’

‘You’ll cheer for England when we play Portugal.’

‘You’re kidding right? Next.’

‘I’ll kiss you in front of that leech.’

She narrowed her eyes at him. How was he still on that?

‘On second thoughts, you’re a pro. So no, you get nothing.’

‘Chicken.’

‘Shut it & play.’

‘Not gonna go easy on you, dove.’

‘Never asked you to. Gonna beat your sorry ass Irrespective.’

‘Oh we’ll see.’

They started playing, and she gave Jude a run for his money. Enough for him to come out of the second gear where he was casually relaxing. Enough to get his heart rate going & armpits sweating. So much that when he finally won, he did his trademark celebration, punched his fists in the air & woo-hooed around the couch doing his victory dance.

She stared daggers at him, gobsmacked at the loss and him rubbing it in. Almost hoping that he trips and falls on his ass.

‘Told ya.’

He plopped next to her, smiling victoriously. Accent heavier in gloating. The gall of this man.

‘I had you in the middle, and you know it.’

‘Final result is what matters, and you know it.’

‘Tread carefully, Bellingham.’

She warned, still sulking hard. But of course he did no such thing.

‘What was it you wanted to do to my ass again?’

‘I hate you.’

‘A sore loser AND a liar? Whoa.’

‘That’s it. I am out.’

She got up to storm away but he caught her in two strides. Locked her arms around her waist. Caging her from behind. Giggling in her ear. She struggled fruitlessly in his grip, but dodged his attempts to kiss her cheek.

The more she fidgeted, the more his hold tightened. Pressed flushed against his taut, hard torso, with him breathing down her neck, was not ideal for her to stay pissed. Or sane.

When she quit struggling, he leaned down to kiss her covered shoulder.

‘So feisty.’

Jude muttered appreciatively, accent even thicker now. Her posture relaxed as she let herself loose in his arms.

‘Truce?’

‘Fine.’

He released her, and they walked back to the couch, hand in hand. It was 4:30 pm, still chunk of the day left. They decided to watch something together.

‘You pick.’

Jude pulled her close, throwing his arm around her shoulder.

‘You like rom-coms?’

‘Sure.’

‘Tell that to your face.’

He smiled sheepishly, turning his head to face her.

‘I mean, don’t mind ‘em.’

‘Let’s keep looking.’

She scrolled further in the trending list & landed on Bridgerton.

‘I’ve heard great things on this. It’s more than a rom-com.’

She figured he might like it, given the 19th century London backdrop. They decided to give it a go, settling against the back of the couch. Jude offered to watch in his room, the bed being more comfortable n all, but she politely wiggled out of that.

The sassy narration from Lady Whistledown immediately drew them in, along with the setting. The opening sequence with Daphne & Violet set the tone.

‘Ooh I like what she’s wearing.’

‘Ya it’s hot.’

Ananya turned towards him sharply, expression blank.

‘I mean…like…y’know…’

She broke into a laugh sooner than she planned.

‘You can say that. She IS hot.’

Jude bumped their heads together, glad to come out of the hole he had dug for himself.

‘So is Anthony though. Distractingly delicious.’

Yeah, he deserved that.

‘Like that scene with the tree…’

‘Don’t push it.’

He pulled her closer still, squeezing her shoulder. She let it go, for the time being.

The unique tone of the show kept them fairly engrossed. Yet they scoffed & laughed at the idiocy of some notions. Violet’s insistence on Daphne being prim & proper to attract a suitor, and keeping her in complete darkness of her sexuality particularly irked Ananya.

‘Typical. Treat women as decorative porcelain dolls in public view and sex objects / baby making machines behind closed doors. That’s all they are good for.’

‘Yeah, my country was stupid.’

Lady Danbury turned out to be a hands down fav of both - her wit & presence of mind unmatched. The courtship episodes they breezed through, giggling at the rigid & formal dance sequences of the genteel society.

‘Do you dance like that?’

‘Like that? No.’

Something told her there’s more to it.

‘CAN you dance, at all?’

He shook his head, waving his hands in the air.

‘It’s a tall person handicap.’

‘Isn’t Cama as tall as you?’

A pregnant pause, for 3 seconds.

‘He’s not actually.’

Jude removed his hands from her & sunk into the couch. She hadn’t even meant to tease this time, was just curious. Ananya leaned into his side & tugged at his elbow.

‘Wanna dance with me sometime? I could show you some stuff.’

That got his attention. He stopped pouting when she caressed his arm.

‘I am learning Salsa, it’s quite fun.’

‘Well, I can be quite a handful.’

‘Oh I can handle you.’

His smirk returned, as did his arm around her.

‘Can you now?’

They bickered & flirted, then resumed watching. Time flew by as they binged through, managing to squeeze in an early dinner when they felt peckish. Neither wanted to call it a night, not yet. Too cozy and carefree in their little cocoon.

Episode 4 & 5 had them firmly sucked in, with the engagement & marriage drama.

Episode 6 though, hit her like a truck. Making her hyperventilate.

Ananya squirmed through the emotionally & sexually charged honeymoon scenes, while his fingers stroked her upper arm throughout. She felt his eyes boring into her but kept hers firmly ahead. The air had suddenly turned hot & heavy, not just behind the screen.

‘Maybe..that’s enough for today? It’s getting late.’

‘Sure.’

The screen paused at the couple in a passionate embrace, as they made love outside, in the rain.

Another pregnant pause.

‘Tell me, how didn’t she get that he wanted her all along? It was so obvious.’

Jude’s hand moved up and down her arm, slowly. She felt every touch through the thin fabric of her sweater.

‘He could be with anyone he wanted. She doubted how she could be the chosen one. IF she was the chosen one.’

He turned her slightly to face himself, her eyes glued to her fumbling hands.

‘She got him TO HIS KNEES. Man was tortured by her thoughts. Surely, she could see that?’

‘Even if she did, it would be hard for her to believe. That…that he would just…change his ways. Just like that. For….her.’

His index finger tilted her chin up, gazing into her glossy, tentative eyes. His voice certain, laden with promise.

‘Men change when they find a reason to. He found his.’

That hit her deep in the heart.

‘I…SHE….she may not know that.’

His thumb moved along her jaw, eyes firmly locked with hers.

‘How should he show her then? Other than saying it a 1000 times already?’

‘Jude pleas..’

Her voice died in her throat when Jude hooked his arm under her legs and pulled her on to his lap, setting her sideways on his right thigh. Her arms went around his neck instinctively, to steady herself.

All pretexts and charades were dropped as he linked their foreheads together. His warm breath fanning her face. The heat radiating from his body, his proximity, burning her to the core. A culmination of all their little looks, touches, whispers & innuendos exchanged during the day.

‘KISS ME. Before I go mad.’

His commanding, raspy voice did things to her. Unspeakable things.

‘Now, dove. I know you want to.’

She met his gaze, and found a hurricane brewing in his otherwise serene eyes, sweeping her along.

Ananya cupped his cheeks, admiring his handsome features. Her lips brushed along his hairline, ending with a chaste peck on his forehead. Her thumbs stroked his eyebrows & eyelids, back & forth. Eliciting a sigh.

Her fingers ran down his cheeks, caressing the moles & tiny zits. Covering them with butterfly kisses. Jude couldn’t remember when he was last touched so affectionately. When he last wanted to be touched like this.

She kissed the tip of his nose, & his lips puckered up, thinking they would be next. The girl had other plans.

She held his jaw & tilted it upwards, running her fingertips over his soft yet scratchy beard that ran deep into his neck. His long, tempting, seductive neck. Driving her wild.

Her fingers dug into the flexing, meaty muscles at the back of his neck as her mouth traced the length of it.

‘FUCK!’

He groaned loudly, both hands gripping the couch, hard enough to rip.

She continued her ministrations, too hypnotised to stop.

Jude had vowed to be patient tonight. But when he felt her teeth on his Adam’s apple, he decided playtime was over.

He grabbed the side of her face, pulling it to him.

She whined at the interruption, trying to go back down. His grip tightened.

‘ENOUGH. My turn.’

Jude kissed her fiercely, knocking the wind out of her chest. As if getting back for the slow, sensuous torture. She tried matching his passion, but Jude wasn’t willing to cede control, not tonight.

His hand removed her clutcher, rummaging through her hair. While the other one stroked her thighs. She gasped, and he plunged further into her mouth. His scent, his breath, his strong hands, his taste, his god damn thighs under her butt, his ferocity - drove her nuts.

Being the sole object of Jude’s desire was, quite simply, INTOXICATING.

Subconsciously, she wondered if all the other girls before her had felt the same. Or if this was indeed different, as he repeatedly claimed.

He soon pulled her out of the momentary coherence by fisting his hand in her hair & pulling them back, as his mouth feasted on her neck.

She mewled as he nipped & sucked her with abandon, soothing the reddened skin with his tongue afterwards.

Jude was testing waters, pushing boundaries, to see how far she’d let him go tonight.

His sinful voice joined the party.

‘Tell me where you want me. Say it.’

She could only whimper in response, mind too mushed up to string together words.

‘Here?’

He pulled her sweater down one shoulder, kissing the bare skin, tugging at her bra strap with his teeth.

‘Or down there?’

The hand on her thighs slid under her butt, cupping a cheek, kneading it firmly. Something he had wanted to do all day.

She panted into his neck, unable to function under his expert moves.

‘Feels good, baby? Want more?’

She jumped when his warm hand slid under her sweater, settling on her bare back. Large, strong fingers spread over her skin, playing with it, thoroughly covering the surface area. Making her shudder from head to toe.

Jude wasn’t unaffected either - the feel of her soft body making his restraint hang by a thread. What he wouldn’t give to just toss her over the couch right now.

His touch became more frenzied. Mouth more demanding. Hand inching further up her back, finding her bra.

She grabbed his bicep, coming out of her reverie. But it just spurred him on.

She somehow tore her mouth away from his, to get his attention.

‘Ju…ude.’

It came out as a shaky, breathless moan instead, flipping something in him. The next instant, her bra was unclasped & his hand roamed freely all over her back.

The sensation jolted her. She needed to act now, before he completely eroded her will.

Her hands grabbed his face, desperately, dragging him up, meeting his stormy eyes.

‘Wha..’

He looked dazed, confused at the interruption. Lips parted, half-panting for breath.

She stroked his cheeks while his adrenaline tapered down.

“Baby I….can we…pls….’

His senses recovered, and Jude pulled her gently into a loose hug. Swaying her lightly. Stroking her hair. While making shushing noises.

‘Okay. Okay. Anything you say, dove!’

................................................................................

All this Jude content just makes me write :)

A happy chapter, after the heavier last one.

As always, would love to hear your thoughts / comments / feedback. Hope you are liking the story & these two. There are a few dif ways this could go ahead, trying to figure!

#real madrid #jude bellingham #bellingham #bellingham x reader #jude fanfic #jude #jb5 #jb #jude bellingham fic #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham smut #desi girl #bridgerton

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youremyheaven · 6 months

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Moon Dominance & Manipulation pt 2

TW: murder, rape, genocide, violence, assault, death etc etc

Here's part 1

In part 1, I spoke about the manipulative nature of Moon dominant people, in this post I will be exploring it further and providing more examples.

I think its interesting that the Moon dominant nakshatras, namely, Rohini, Hasta & Shravana are Manushya gana (Rohini) and Deva gana (Hasta & Shravana). It is very telling because even though these natives say and do terrible things, they enjoy squeaky-clean reputations and people usually perceive them as angels. If they were Rakshasa gana people would see through their bs more quickly.

Ariana Grande- Hasta Moon conjunct Jupiter

Ariana has said and done numerous problematic things over the years, from cheating scandals, blackfishing, donutgate, being extremely rude and arrogant, changing races every few years, to cringe ass over-sexualised lyrics, to being a homewrecker, Ariana is super duper messy YET she enjoys public and media support and is seen as America's sweetheart. Other people have lost their careers for less but Ari gets away with absolutely everything. She publicly admitted that Pete was her rebound guy (she was engaged to him) which is such a shitty thing to do to someone?? Like imagine if the genders were reversed lol

Ariana is a solid example of always seeming like the innocent person even though she's the messy one. Even with her latest album, its pretty obvious who cheated on who but she's been subtle enough with her music to make it seem like her ex cheated on her (she made him sign an NDA upon divorce which in itself is SOOO sketchy like what is she afraid of him revealing????) to imply things like that when you've put the other person in a position where they literally cannot speak for themselves is peak Moon dominant manipulation. She then posted a half assed story on IG asking fans to stop attacking "people in her life",,, its so apparent that she incited the whole thing in a super calculated manner and once she got what she wanted, she tries to pretend to be the good guy whose fans did all the terrible stuff🙄

Selena Gomez, Pushya Stellium, Mercury in Ashlesha atmakaraka (they both lie in Cancer which is Moon ruled)

I wouldn't have included rashi rulership but Selena is an exception. She's the queen of playing the victim and is second only to Meghan Markle. Selena sets her fans on different hate trains every other week. She's very wary of showing support to social causes. She worked with Woody Allen. She treated her best friend & kidney donor like shit, was a terrible gf to Justin Bieber, treated Demi like shit during a really tough period of Demi's life, can't sing at all yet, produced a whole TV show (13RW) that is extremely triggering for people with mental health issues and was advised by MANY to change things but she just didn't??? honestly, if you watch her documentary you can see how she's the most self-absorbed narcissistic person, every single thing has to be about her all the time.

Despite all this, Selena is almost universally loved.

Amy Dunne from Gone Girl is THE best example of a Moon-dominant person and the extent to which they'll go to ruin your life. Amy Dunne was played by Rosamund Pike who has Shravana Sun conjunct Mars

Amy had such a squeaky clean image that it was impossible to convince anybody that she was the sociopath who tried to fake her own death.

Leonardo DiCaprio- Hasta Moon

Leo is a creepy middle aged man who only dates women under 25, lives for the yacht life and spends his free time partying and doing drugs, all of which is fine but these are things that other Hollywood men come under fire for ALL the time, yet Leo is pretty much everyone's favourite, he's the environmentalist humanitarian even tho he's private jetting to his private island to party with models, even tho he's received flak in the last couple of years for dating women much younger than him, its still more of a running gag than anything serious. He hasn't suffered because of it in any way. His reputation is still intact.

John Lennon- Hasta Sun, Shravana Moon

John was a wife beating, child beating, abusive to multiple women, made fun of people with disabilities, pretended to be an anti establishment hippie even though he accepted an MBE from the Queen of England (he returned it years later in protest) and yet he is remembered as a counterculture icon and one of the most talented musicians ever. He was a violent abusive man who preached peace. Although he was a philanderer himself, he was obsessively jealous and possessive towards the women he became involved with. Lennon was an extremely wealthy man who lived a rich lifestyle, but he said that we should "imagine" a world with no possessions or greed. In short, he was a hypocrite. Yet he is still remembered fondly unlike sooo many other figures in history.

Amal Clooney, Shravana Sun conjunct Venus

speaking of hypocrisy, here's Mrs Clooney, the human rights lawyer who wears $34,000 worth of clothes while championing the poor. She attends gala and balls wearing clothes worth thousands of dollars to "raise money for charity" whilst being married to a man who has a net worth of $500 million. Like I'm sure he could just write a cheque?? The Clooneys throw a lot of charity balls/dinners/parties etc as well and its so funny to me because its obvious they're doing it to keep a certain image before the media, whilst also getting all glammed up and having fun, without doing anything tangible to actually help anybody. imagine your job is to represent refugees, unfairly imprisoned heads of state and advise the UN and you also split time between 5 different mansions all over USA and Europe in private jets lol yet Amal enjoys a good reputation for being a girlboss

Gwyneth Paltrow- Rohini Moon

Lady Goop is a nepo baby and has a net worth of $200 million yet she feels the need to make money off of people by selling bullshit wellness products like $55 sex oils, $400 meditation mats, mouth tape, vibrators, theraguns, vitamins, health supplements and god knows what else?? She's one of the many westerners who sell commercial spiritual nonsense to the masses but coming from someone as rich as she is?? like maa'm?? she promotes so much alternate medicine bullshit on her podcast as well, there is obviously real actually helpful alternate herbal treatments/medicine etc etc BUT that's not her focus she talks about getting rectal ozone therapy (not kidding) and shoving garlic in her ears to clear her chakras and spreads misinformation. there are plenty of people in america who can't access health care, imagine how you're endangering them by suggesting that rose quartz and mouth tapes and candles will cure you. She promotes a eating disordered diet as a "healthy one". all in all, she's sketchy but people just make fun of her and don't see her as someone manipulating innocent people into buying super expensive "alternate medicine" from Goop.

Helena Blavatsky- Hasta Moon & Venus

Helena is the co-founder of the Theosophical Society and was an international leader figure in the Theosophical community. She basically helped promote eastern spirituality and philosophy in the West except that she's lied about pretty much her whole life, so its hard to confirm literally anything about her. She died in 1891 so at the time when she was alive there was no way for others to prove whether or not she was lying, they just had to take her word for it. She lied about training with sages in Tibet and lied about her mystical experiences, plagiarised ancient eastern texts to write about her "spiritual discoveries" etc There's plenty of proof that she was nothing but a charlatan yet I find it interesting how she still has a devoted following and even in her lifetime enjoyed a good reputation as a mystic medium lmao

Ranbir Kapoor, Hasta Sun & Mercury, Shravana Moon & Rohini Rising

Ranbir gets a lot of hate as of late but for the most part he has enjoyed a really good reputation despite being a shitty person.

Jeane Dixon- Rohini rising

She was a psychic and astrologer who predicted the JFK assassination.

John Allen Paulos, a mathematician at Temple University, explored the tendency of Dixon and her fans to promote her few correct predictions while ignoring the larger number of incorrect predictions, naming this habit "the Jeane Dixon effect."

Many of Dixon's predictions proved erroneous, such as her claims that a dispute over the islands of Quemoy and Matsu would trigger the start of World War III in 1958, that American labor leader Walter Reuther would run for president of the United States in the 1964 presidential election, that the second child of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau and his young wife Margaret would be a girl (it was a boy), and that the Soviets would be the first to put men on the Moon. (excerpt from her wiki)

basically she had no real powers but managed to convince others she did, her clients included Ronald and Nancy Reagan lol

Jordan Peterson, Hasta Moon , Rohini Mercury & Shravana Ketu

He is a good example of the worst type of Moon dominant man. He has said among other things:

That class conflict is a natural and eternal struggle for existence that no political or economic revolution could ameliorate. The individual must develop an aggressive, alpha-male attitude in order to climb the social ladder. Peterson is kind of obsessed with power (all Moon dominants are lol) acc to him only a strong will, exercising itself against a contingent and meaningless world — and against the weak — can one ever hope to flourish.

Jordan Peterson endorses the idea that some men are purposely denied sex by women and that conventionally attractive men are 'taking all the sex' from other 'deserving' men. As a result, he suggests that by assigning women to men and pressuring them to 'settle' and have sex with isolated men, they wouldn't be so "angry at God" and commit acts of mass violence and murder. This, as well as criticizing birth control and saying that women would be happier if they just "allow themselves to be transformed by nature into mothers," is dangerous rhetoric that reinforces patriarchal violence against women.

He's a manipulative asshole who propagates his sexist harmful chauvinistic views as pseudoscience or psychology ew

Freud- Rohini Moon, Hasta Mars

i couldn't make a post about Moon dominance and manipulation without mentioning the godfather of promoting his fucked up worldviews as science, Mr Sigmund Freud aka the most successful Moon manipulator who has caused permanent lasting damage to society

Sigmund believed that homosexuality in men is neurotic but not particularly problematic. Lesbianism, however, he considered a gateway to mental illness.

This (according to Sigmund) is because only men have moral sense. We all evolve from apes, so no human is born with it. But boys acquire morality through the castration complex—the fear that their fathers will emasculate them for their misbehavior.

Having nothing obvious to neuter, girls and women are essentially amoral, lying and conniving to get what they want. Girls must be guided through civilized life by a father, and a woman by a husband. And because they choose not to marry, lesbians remain loose cannons, fundamentally untrustworthy and unstable.

His daughter Anna was his closest intellectual and emotional companion. Yet she was a lesbian.

Freud taught that lesbianism is always the fault of the father and is curable by psychoanalysis.

Freud cautioned followers that analysis is an erotic relationship. Analyst and patient together must scrutinize the amorous feelings that flow between them. This being the case, by rules he asked his followers to honor, Freud could not attempt to cure his own daughter’s lesbianism.

he also overgeneralized a lot of his “findings” such as the oedipus complex to apply to all people, which was harmful in the early stages of the formation of psychology. today most of his theories are disproven and widely considered problematic. Freud was obsessed with sex and made everything about sex (Moon men are sex addicts and every Moon man I've mentioned so far has a weird relationship with women)

he is credited with being the first psychologist to actually listen to women's problems but when he did listen to them, and many of them told them of their SA experiences, he changed the narrative to "women want to screw their daddies so they have these dreams/fantasies of sexual encounters in childhood" (the Electra/Oedipus Complex) to sell his books. He LIED basically, he manipulated the truth into something disgusting.

Freud is credited with making psychology a legitimate field and for it gaining attention worldwide but he literally manipulated, lie, overgeneralised and in general spewed a lot of toxic nonsense in order to get attention, like Gwyneth with Goop or Helena with Theosophy.

Sobhita Dhulipala- Rohini stellium

Sobhita like most others bought a brand new face for herself yet masquerades under the "im not like other girls, i read" nonsense, she talks about acting, art and self love like she's some committed thespian when girlie cannot act to save her life. she says she does not work out just cleans her house and does chores to stay fit :) bc she's not like other shallow actresses, she does her own chores :) compared to most other people on this list she's harmless but I find her super pick me and pretentious

Moon dominant people are very good at picking up on lies, and understanding human behaviour because they're liars themselves lol, it takes one to know one.

Azealia Banks- Rohini Sun

she's truly unhinged af and a very vile person but some of the people she's called out are also terrible people and tbh her insults are so poetic lmfao

dont get me wrong i think she's a terrible person but there is some truth to some of the things she says which is what i meant by how Moon dominant people understand human behaviour. also Moon dominant people are HATERS dont expect them to say anything nice about anyone lol

I had a friend who would deliberately compliment every other girl we were friends with (Rita is sooo pretty, Lily is so stunning etc etc) but would never say ANYTHING nice about me EVER and when others complimented me she'd act like she didn't hear it or something lmao (it was wild) and one day I straight up asked how come you never say anything nice to me and she said "oh I didn't know you needed compliments from me, I thought you got enough validation from others, I didn't know you were desperate for more" 😭😭😭😭LIKE GIRL WHATTT, honestly making these posts and exposing the dark nasty side of Moon dominant people is helping me heal from all the toxic abuse I endured at the hands of this shitty girl and some others ughhhh that's the reason why these posts have more personal anecdotes than any other post i've made lol

Oprah Winfrey, Shravana Sun & Venus

Her show was pure exploitation of peoples problems and also gave a platform to the equally exploitative Dr. Oz, the king of fake science, and Dr, Phil, the king of fake psychology.

It's a well known fact that she's friends with Harvey Weinstein & Jeffery Epstein despite being a "supporter" of the Me Too movement. Not to mention, she gave a platform to the phony Michael Jackson accusers from Leaving Neverland (do the research, they're liars) while turning a blind eye to the actual sexual predators of Hollywood, like Weinstein.

Her style of journalism seems to favour the shock value of a breaking news scandal rather than actually seeking the truth.

Several celebrities have come forward to talk about how poorly they were treated on the show. Oprah loves to relish in the misery of other ppl and ALWAYS makes others deeply uncomfortable with the straightup rude and hurtful questions she asks them.

Ellen DeGeneres, Shravana Sun & Venus

the fact that two of the most sociopathic TV hosts to ever grace television has identical placements is so telling. Ellen has been exposed in the last couple of years for being a terrible person to work with and treating her guests like shit. What I find even more interesting is the fact that the person who sort of initially exposed Ellen for being a manipulative liar is Dakota Johnson who has Hasta Sun & Mars, when I tell you that Moon dominant people deeply understand human behaviour and the psychology behind people acting the way they do, this is what I mean, it takes a Moon dominant to understand the manipulation of another one.

Kristen Bell, Hasta Moon

she probably has one of the most toxic marriages ever and yet speaks of it so glowingly and always talks about "how much work" it is to stay married like girl💀💀maybe exit the marriage then?? she has such a sweetheart image but she has admitted that she gives her children non-alcoholic beer, locks them in their room at night, makes them shower with her to "save water", talks to them about their father's addiction and their sex life??

"We make funny videos but we also go to couple's therapy because we disagree on 99.9 percent of issues," she said at the time. "There are days when I'm completely sick of him, and there are days when he is completely sick of me. But we've chosen to love one another and to be a team. We've learned how to communicate and argue in a really healthy, respectful way."- Kristen said this about her marriage like girlie nothing about it sounds healthy, if its this much work then it probably isn't love lol

Kate Winslet, Hasta Sun, Moon & Rising

Winslet has worked with predators like Woody Allen, Harvey Weinstein & Roman Polanski and after Me Too, she shifted her narrative as public opinion regarding these men, whose crimes and accusations have been well documented for decades, has thoroughly shifted to the point where associating with them is no longer good for her and would like to join the right side of history. She & Leo have partied on Jeffrey Epstein's private island as well and she's one the many signatories who signed a petition to free Roman Polanski ewww

This is one example of how image conscious Moon dominant people are, she has no moral compass and had no issue working with all these predators for decades but once it became apparent that she wouldn't benefit from associating with them anymore she's suddenly all "omg terrible men i wish id known better" lol what a liar

She also played a sociopathic Nazi in the movie The Reader

Josephine Baker, Rohini Sun

Josephine Baker was a dancer known for her banana skirt dancing. Later in life, she adopted 12 children from different ethnicities and spent the rest of her life raising them. She is remembered as an icon and for her activism but her children have come out to describe how abusive she was to them.

During her participation in the civil rights movement, Baker began to adopt children, forming a family which she often referred to as "The Rainbow Tribe". Baker wanted to prove that "children of different ethnicities and religions could still be brothers." She often took the children with her cross-country, and when they were at Château des Milandes, she arranged tours so visitors could walk the grounds and see how natural and happy the children were in "The Rainbow Tribe". Her estate featured hotels, a farm, rides, and the children singing and dancing for the audience. She charged an admission fee to visitors who entered and partook in the activities, which included watching the children play.

She created dramatic backstories for them, picking them with clear intent in mind: at one point, she wanted and planned to adopt a Jewish baby, but she settled for a French one. She also raised them in different religions in order to further her model for the world, taking two children from Algeria and raising one child as a Muslim and raising the other child as a Catholic. One member of the Tribe, Jean-Claude Baker, said: "She wanted a doll".

Baker forced Jarry to leave the château and live with his adoptive father, Jo Bouillon, in Argentina, at the age of 15, after discovering that he was gay. Moïse died of cancer in 1999, and Noël was diagnosed with schizophrenia and is in a psychiatric hospital as of 2009. Jean-Claude Baker, the unofficial addition to the Rainbow Tribe, committed suicide in 2015, aged 71.

Angelina Jolie, Rohini Sun

Jolie was clearly inspired by Josephine Baker. she adopted children from different ethnicities and even bought a Chateau in France to raise them in (just like Baker did). For many years Jolie received a lot of flak for her unconventional parenting, like frequently travelling, homeschooling all her kids and not giving them a bedtime or any kind of stable daily routine. I can't comment on it too much because there's not that much about their personal life on the internet but what I do find very interesting is how Jolie has always used the paparazzi to push a certain image and stay relevant. We know that paps only come when you call them, even Beyonce never gets papped, so its very much possible to live a lowkey life. Angelina gets papped absolutely all the time for the last 20yrs, it was especially bizarre because it was obvious that she was trying to shed the "homewrecker image" by always being photographed with her kids doing mom things and its a bit problematic to think that she's using her children as pap fodder to push an agenda. Again, I think Brad is an abusive person but he often spoke back in the day about his desire to keep the children out of the public eye but Angie had to shed her weird punk goth who kissed her brother and was addicted to bad men and drugs image so she tried to present herself as the kind humanitarian and loving mother, I'm not saying that she isn't those things, except that girlie will make sure the paps are around to photograph her doing these things like she called the paps to her daughter's first day of college bro likeeee

Here's a very old article about how smart she is at crafting her image. Again this is not in and of itself a bad thing but it's kind of bizarre to realise how image conscious people can be and how something that seems so "real" and "natural" is actually a well calculated move on their part.

Angelina also played the sociopath Lisa Rowe in the movie Girl, Interrupted. people often associate this character with her Revati Moon but i assure you this is all on her Rohini Sun

Russell Peters - Hasta Sun

Russell is really good at studying people, accents, mannerisms etc which is what makes him a really good comedian but he's also fckn rude and disgusting from time to time.

Honestly Moon dominant men always spew the most vile shit, they talk about people especially women in THE most disgusting way. actual psychopaths ew especially the cocky self assured way in which they say all this bullshit???

Errol Morris- Shravana Sun

he is a documentary filmmaker whose work focuses on the epistemology of the subject, he's obsessed with human nature and trying to understand why people do what they do, all of his docus focus on vvv unusual people, death row prisoners, defence secretary instrumental in the vietnam war, insurance frauds, a man who designs death machines, pet cemeteries etc Morris focuses on people who are questionable to say the least, he tries to humanize people perceived as evil or bad (Moon dominant af lol bc who else would be interested in the motives of bad ppl??)

This preoccupation with human nature is deeply tied to the nature of Lunar people. They have a need to understand "motivations" and what drives people to do what they do. There is an innate tendency to pathologize or pick apart behaviour. This isn't inherently a bad thing but it is something I have noticed among Lunar people.

James Randi- Rohini rising

He was a magician and skeptic who spent his life exposing other people and their paranormal and pseudoscientific claims.

Moon dominant people are skeptical of everything and the least likely to believe in anything, they're always looking for the truth because they deeply understand human ugliness and believe everybody else is like that (they see themselves reflected in others, which is to say that if they're capable of it, then so must others).

Roman Polanski- Hasta Rising

pedophile and child rapist Polanski has directed movies like Rosemary's Baby, Chinatown, The Palace, The Pianist etc,, all of his movies have heavy elements of deceit, lies, manipulation etc all of his characters are looking for the truth.

Claire had mentioned in her video about wealth as to how Rohini (Venus is domiciled in Taurus) (Moon exalts in Rohini) creates contentment and this leads to stagnation because dissatisfaction is what creates growth. If someone is content where they are they decay. I think this can be broadly applied to all 3 Moon naks because they have no other motives, nothing to dry them so they start rotting on the inside and doing terrible, horrible, evil things. Venus and Moon embodies the ugliness of humanity.

Josef Mengele- Hasta Moon

He was a Nazi doctor who conducted abhorrent and deadly medical experiments on the prisoners at Auschwitz and administered the gas to gas chambers. He was nicknamed "Angel of Death"

Lenin- Shravana Moon

if you're familiar with the history of the soviet union you will know that Lenin wasnt exactly a sweetheart

Heinrich Himmler-Hasta Sun, Shravana Rising and Ketu in Rohini

he was a prominent Nazi leader who is "credited" with "designing the Holocaust"

Edward Teller- Rohini Moon

This is the guy who betrayed Oppenheimer and is called "the father of the hydrogen bomb". he later expressed guilt over his involvement in the dropping of atom bombs over hiroshima and nagasaki

Henry Kissinger - Rohini Sun & mercury

he was a warmongering asshole who i hope is rotting in hell. he's one of the worst human beings to have ever existed due to the sheer scale and capacity of crimes he enabled and the millions of people who died as a result. i have extensively talked about how Moon dominant people lack empathy, they literally do not care about others, they are selfish to the point where its actually disgusting and pathetic and this guy is one of the worst examples

During the 1968 presidential election he was in the Johnson administration but wanted to get in good with Nixon. So he leaked information about peace talks with North Vietnam to Nixon. They then went on to use this information to sabotage the peace talks and in turn the election.

He committed treason to extend the Vietnam War, ultimately by seven years. That alone makes him a rare breed of terrible. But it’s also damning because it shows how he ultimately believe in anything other than that he deserves to be close to power. He was willing to play games with millions of human lives over a job. And he would have been in the Humphrey administration if Nixon lost, so it was just a job he wanted more. He didn’t care about fighting communism, the rule of law, patriotism, anything. His death toll alone puts him on a short list of the worst people to ever live, but most of the people on there did what they did for an ideology.

He’s also been described as “the Forrest Gump of war crimes.” He just shows up for no good reason in the history of so many atrocities. Often he ordered them, but he also installed dictators who would carry out genocides. There’s worse people in history, but none who have been involved in so many separate crimes.

just read anything about this vile shitty man and you will understand the kind of cruelty and apathy Moon dominant people are capable of.

moon dominant people are "good" with political & military strategy because they dont care about anybody's well being except their own lol

one time i spoke to a Moon dominant guy and he said that there's no such thing as altruism or selflessness and that everybody behaves in their self interest, i found that very cynical and disturbing and he said even people who do charity or appear to be kind are only doing it because they want others to see them that way and that really says more about the nature of Moon dominant people than anything else. he also said he loved attention of any kind and would do anything to trigger people just so they'd react and give him attention lol basically he admitted to having sociopathic tendencies. He was Rohini Moon. imagine being so morally bankrupt and soulless that you cant believe there's goodness in this world or that people are good with no agenda lol I feel bad for people who have to live life being that bitter, imagine rotting on the inside like that

Herman Kahn- Hasta Moon

He was a military strategist and developed the nuclear strategy of USA during the cold war. which is to say his entire job revolved around manipulation. He is quoted as saying:

"At the minimum, an adequate deterrent for the United States must provide an objective basis for a Soviet calculation that would persuade them that, no matter how skillful or ingenious they were, an attack on the United States would lead to a very high risk if not certainty of large-scale destruction to Soviet civil society and military forces." 💀💀💀(avg moon dominant man be like)

In Kahn’s book, the Doomsday Machine is an example of the sort of deterrent that appeals to the military mind but that is dangerously destabilizing. Since nations are not suicidal, its only use is to threaten.

ok thats it for now besties whewww

i am not claiming that all moon dominant people are terrible people so if you have these placements dont take it to heart. i do however think that the dark side of the moon dominant native is truly terrifying. all i wanted to do was shed light on that.

#astrology notes #astrology observations #sidereal astrology #nakshatras #astrology #vedic astro notes #astro notes #astro observations #vedic astrology #astroblr #jyotish #rohini #hasta #shravana #moon

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