#it said 49’hours might be scented

[miss-floral-thief]

Stick

Is like 3 bucks but they’re taking it to the counter this time lol

[nomie-11]

Chapter 21 - A Renaissance of a Heart

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49 hours, 23 minutes, and 8 seconds passed before Genevieve woke up. Xaden knew because he was counting. 

The world around her was a blur of muted colors and distant sounds, her senses still sluggish from the weight of unconsciousness. As her eyelids fluttered open, she squinted against the bright light streaming through the window, her heart racing as fragments of her last memories flooded back—the chaos of the battle, the overwhelming surge of power, and the explosion that sent her hurtling towards the unforgiving earth. 

Genevieve’s first sensation was the stiffness in her limbs, followed by the dull, persistent ache that wrapped around her body like a suffocating blanket. The room was too bright, and she blinked, trying to clear her vision. The white linens draped over her were foreign, and the sterile scent of antiseptic told her she was in the infirmary. She shifted slightly, grimacing at the pull of her injuries—though now muted, dulled by healing magic.

She blinked again, and her gaze fell on the wheelchair beside the bed, a silent testament to just how badly she’d been hurt. 

For a moment, her mind was sluggish, still caught in the haze of the past few days. Where was Liam? Her heart raced at the memory of the battle, the frantic need to reach him, to know he was alive. But then she recalled Violet’s words: he’s alive. 

Relief flooded her, but it was fleeting, replaced by the cold realization of her own condition. Every part of her body screamed at her with phantom pain, a reminder of the battle she had barely survived. But she survived. The thought alone seemed miraculous, despite the painkillers she was given not being nearly strong enough. 

“Finally awake.”

The voice was low, familiar, and despite the fog that was slowly clearing her senses, Genevieve immediately knew who it was. 

Xaden. 

She turned her head, squinting as his form came into focus. He was seated in a chair by her bed, arms crossed, his dark gaze locked on her with an intensity that sent a shiver down her spine. His usual aloofness was gone, replaced by something raw, something she hadn’t seen in him before. There was an edge to his expression. She didn’t have the energy to decipher it. 

“How long��?” She croaked, her voice rough from disuse. 

“Forty-nine hours. Give or take.” His tone was clipped, but there was a tremor in it barely detectable but enough for her to notice. 

She swallowed, her mouth dry, and winced at the effort it took to move even a little. Forty-nine hours? She had been out for two days. Two whole days of darkness, of nothingness. 

Xaden’s gaze never left her, as if he was afraid that if he looked away, for even a second, she might disappear. The tension between them was palpable, a crackling energy that reminded her of the battle, and of the fear, and… of something else. 

The last thing she remembered before losing consciousness. The last words she thought before she hit the rocks. 

Her heart stuttered, and suddenly, she felt more exposed than she had during the battle. She had told him. Gods, I had told him! In the chaos, in the agony of thinking she might die, she had confessed the one thing she had never meant to say out loud. 

“I—” Genevieve started, but the words lodged in her throat, a mixture of shame and fear choking her. 

Xaden leaned forward, his expression darkening. “You said you loved me.” His voice was barely above a whisper, but the weight of them crashed down on her like a tidal wave. 

She froze. There it was. The one thing she had hoped to avoid, to never discuss. Her mind raced, searching for a way out, to deflect, to push the confession into some forgotten corner. I should have just died in the freefall. 

“I was dying,” she murmured, her gaze flickering away from him, focusing on anything but his eyes. “People say things when they think they’re about to die.” 

Xaden’s jaw tightened, his frustration evident. “That’s your excuse?” His voice was low, dangerous, the kind of tone that sent chills down her spine. “You think you can just brush it off because you were injured?” 

Genevieve bit her lip, her chest tightening as the gravity of the moment settled around them. She didn’t know what to say, didn’t know how to explain the torrent of emotions that had been swirling inside her. How could she tell him that it had been true? That in that moment, with death looming so close, she hadn’t just said it because she thought it was the end. She had said it because it had been real. 

“I—” Her voice cracked, and she hated how vulnerable she sounded. “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.” 

Xaden stood up abruptly, his movements sharp as he paced the length of the small, private room the healers had stuck her in. His hands clenched into fists at his sides, his expression a mixture of anger and something else, something she couldn’t quite place. “I don’t care how it came out,” he said, hsi voice thick with emotion. “What I care about is whether you meant it.” 

The room felt suffocating. Genevieve’s heart raced, her pulse sounding in her ears. This wasn’t how she had imagined this conversation happening—if she had ever imagined it happening at all. She wasn’t ready for this, wasn’t ready to confront the feelings she had been running from for so long. 

But Xaden wasn’t giving her a choice. 

“Did you mean it?” He asked again, his voice quieter now, but no less intense. 

She should lie, she could lie. If he called her out, then he’s a hypocrite. But as her gaze finally met his, she knew she couldn’t lie. Not to him. And she hated herself for it. How could he lie so easily but when she looked at him only the truth came out. 

“I did,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “I meant it.” 

Xaden stopped pacing, his eyes locking onto hers with an intensity that made her breath catch in her throat. The tension between them crackled like a live wire, and for a moment, the world seemed to narrow down to just the two of them, the air between them charged with unspoken words, unacknowledged feelings. 

“You almost died,” Xaden said quietly, his voice rough. “Do you even understand what that did to me? What it would have meant if you had—”

He broke off, his hands running through his hair in the familiar motion of frustration. He was trying to keep himself together, trying not to let his emotions spill over, but Genevieve could see the cracks forming in his carefully constructed walls. 

“I know,” she whispered. “I know. But I’m still here, I’m alive, Xaden.” 

Xaden stepped forward, closing the distance between them, his hand reaching out to cup her face gently. “Barely,” he muttered, his thumb brushing against her cheek. “You were dying in my arms, Genevieve. I felt you slip away.”

Genevieve’s breath hitched as his words washed over her, the vulnerability in his voice startling her. She had never seen him like this, so raw, so unguarded. 

“I wasn’t going anywhere,” she whispered, her hand trembling as she gently pushed his hands off of her. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

For a moment, neither of them spoke, the silence stretching between them as they stood there, the weight of their shared confession settling around them. 

“Don’t make me go through that again,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “Because I don’t think I can.”

Genevieve faltered, her heart pounding against her chest as Xaden’s words wrapped around her. For once, there was no pretense, no guarded walls between them. The weight of his confession was almost as overwhelming as her own. 

But the moment of raw vulnerability was fleeting. The tension in Xaden’s body shifted as he moved back slightly, the concern in his eyes morphing into something more resolute. 

“You’re not staying in this bed another minute,” he said, his voice low but firm. Before she could protest, Xaden’s hands moved from their awkwardly hovered position and reached for the wheelchair beside the bed. 

Genevieve’s stomach dropped as she realized his intention. “Wait—” she started, but her voice was still weak, and Xaden was already moving, unfolding the chair and positioning it beside the bed with almost practiced efficiency. 

“No way. I’m not sitting in that chair,” she protested, attempting to push herself upright. her body screamed in protest, whatever healing done clearly was not enough to mend everything, the soreness still lingering in the battle weighing her down. She hadn’t fully recovered, and even sitting up felt like she was climbing a mountain. Ironic. But she was not about to let Xaden haul her around like some helpless patient. 

“Don’t argue with me, Genevieve,” Xaden said, his tone soft but with an edge that left no room for debate. “You need to eat. You’re getting out of this bed if I have to carry you there myself.”

Genevieve’s pride flared. “I can walk.”

“Sure you can,” Xaden said, his eyes narrowing. “But not today.” 

With a groan of frustration, she threw him a glare that had no real bite to it, but it was all she could muster. “I hate you.”

A ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “Hate me all you want. You’re still getting in the chair.” 

With a sigh, she relented, too exhausted to keep up the argument. Her limbs were still leaden with fatigue, her body not yet cooperating with her sheer stubborn will. She knew that Xaden was right, but that didn’t make it any easier to accept. 

Gritting her teeth, she allowed him to help her swing her legs over the side of the bed. The cold air hit her skin, ands he shivered, realizing just how weak she felt as her feet touched the ground. 

Xaden’s hands were steady on her waist, providing support as she tried to steady herself. “Easy,” he murmured, his voice low and soothing, as if he could sense the storm of emotions swirling within her. Her scowl deepened, though no longer solely aimed at him but aimed at her own inability to walk. To walk. 

Genevieve’s breath came in short gasps as he shifted her weight, her legs feeling like they were made out of jelly. “I can do this,” she insisted, her determination flaring even as her body begged to be laid to rest. 

“Just take your time,” he replied, his grip firm yet gentle as he guided her towards the wheelchair. The chair loomed before her, a reminder of her vulnerability, and she hesitated for a heartbeat, swallowing her pride. 

“Xaden,” she said, glancing up at him, searching for something—an acknowledgement, perhaps, that she wasn’t just the helpless patient he thought she was. “I can walk.”

”I know you can,” he replied, his gaze steady and unwavering, “but you need to take it slow. There’s no rush, Genevieve.” 

His calmness grated against her nerves, and the flicker of warmth in her eyes made her chest ache. Stop looking at me like that, stop looking at me like I’m—

Like she was what? Weak? Crippled? Genevieve felt like throwing up at the mere thought of any of those words overlapping with her name. Why was he looking at her like nothing changed? Like he hadn’t killed her emotionally, and like she hadn’t confessed her love, betraying herself with every word. 

She wanted to protest, to yell, to scream, to fight against the confines of the chair, but as her legs threatened to buckle beneath her, the thought of falling made her stomach twist. 

With a reluctant sigh, she lowered herself into the wheelchair, the seat surprisingly comfortable. As Xaden secured the footrests, she felt a mix of frustration and humiliating relief. “See?” He said, leaning down slightly to meet her gaze. “Not so bad.” 

She rolled her eyes, resisting the urge to punch him. How would he feel if he, Xaden Riorson, the fearless wingleader, was in this chair? “You’re such a control freak.” 

“I guess I deserve the insults,” he mumbled,  running a hand through his hair again, before grabbing the wheelchair. 

Genevieve clenched her jaw, her fists balling in her lap. The frustration bubbled inside her, made worse by Xaden’s calm demeanor. He always had that infuriating ability to stay composed, no matter what chaos surrounded him. She hated it. Hated how he could see right through her, hated how he never faltered, never let the cracks in his armor show—at least, not until recently. 

“Are you going to keep glaring at me, or are we going to get you some food?” Xaden asked, arching an eyebrow. Her gaze flicked up to meet his, expecting some smugness, but instead she found something far worse—gentleness. She couldn’t stand that look. 

“I’m not fragile, you know,” she said, her voice tight. 

Xaden straightened, his expression hardening, but there was still that frustrating calm in his eyes. “I never said you were.”

“You didn’t have to.” She crossed her arms, wanting to shrink into herself, to hide from the pity that she feared lingered just beneath his surface. He didn’t have to tell her that she was weak, or fragile, she knew it without his confirmation. “If our roles were reversed, you’d be ready to burn the world down before sitting in this thing,” she muttered under her breath, unable to help herself. She hated feeling like this. And she hated it even more that xaden was seeing her like this—weak and dependent. 

Xaden raised an eyebrow, lips twitching as if he was holding back a chuckle. “You’re probably right,” he admitted. “But we’re not swapping places. And unlike you, I don’t have anyone as annoying as myself to make sure I don’t do something reckless.” 

She shot him a look, something between exasperation and grudging amusement. “Reckless? This?” She gestured to the wheelchair. “This is humiliating, not reckless.” 

Xaden straightened, hands on the back of the chair. “It’s temporary,” he said simply. “A few days of healing and a few doses of some good pain medications and you’ll be back on your feet, making my life difficult like always.”

Genevieve sighed, staring down at her hands. The ache in her body, the pain in her heart—it all felt too much to carry. And yet, here was Xaden, lifting some of that burden, even when all she wanted was for him to make it easier to hate him. 

“How do you do that?” She asked quietly, her voice soft enough that it felt like the words could disappear in the air between them. 

“Do what?” 

“Stay calm. Act like everything's fine when it’s not.” 

Xaden didn’t answer right away. His expression grew more thoughtful, and for a brief moment, the wingleader mask dropped again, revealing the man she once thought she had known better than anyone else. “I don’t,” he finally said. “I’m not calm, Genevieve. But right now, I need to be. For you.” 

She swallowed hard, the weight of his words sinking in. They weren’t just about her physical recovery. There was more to this—more to them—and it terrified her just as much as it reassured her. She didn’t know how to navigate this tangled mess of emotions between them. All she knew was that Xaden was here, steady and unyielding, even when everything else felt uncertain. 

She glanced up at him, meeting his eyes with a vulnerability she had been hiding. “I’m scared.” 

Xaden’s expression softened, and he knelt down beside the chair, his hand resting light;y on her knee. “You don’t have to be,” he said, his voice low and certain. “Not when I’m with you.” 

When she didn’t respond, her jaw clenched, he just moved behind the chair and slowly pushed her out of the suffocatingly sterile private room she had been in. 

Xaden’s hands were steady as he guided into the wheelchair, and for a moment she was hyper-aware of the warmth of his touch, the gentleness that belied the storm of emotions he kept locked away. His protectiveness had always irritated her, but in this moment, it was impossible to deny just how much she really needed it. 

As he wheeled her out of the infirmary and into the bright corridor, she could feel eyes on them. Cadets passing by gave them curious glances, some with barely hidden awe, others with thinly veiled discomfort. Word of Violet’s power, her collapse, and the blown up tower must have spread through all four quadrants like a wildfire. 

“Xaden, I really don’t need an audience,” she muttered, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment as they passed another group of cadets. 

He didn’t respond, just kept pushing her forward with quiet determination. His silence only made her more aware of how out of control she felt. She hated feeling this exposed, this weak in front of everyone. Especially in front of him. 

Finally, they reached the dining hall. The noise hit her first—the clatter of utensils, the hum of voices. But as Xaden wheeled her inside, the chatter around them died down. The sudden shift in attention was palpable, and Genevieve stiffened in the chair, her heart pounding harder. 

People had always talked about her and Xaden. Whether or not they were sleeping together, or dating, or all, or even none. She normally didn’t care. Right now, she did. 

Ridoc was the first to notice them. He leaned over from his seat at their usual table, his eyes widening in surprise before a grin spread across his face. “Well, look who decided to grace us with her presence.” 

Rhiannon nudged him, though her expression was softer, a mixture of relief and concern. “Glad to see you’re finally awake, Genevieve,” she said, though her voice was tinged with worry. Liam, seated beside her, gave an eager nod, his eyes sparkling at the sight of his friends. 

Genevieve managed a weak smile, though she felt out of place, like a piece of pottery that could shatter if knocked from a shelf. “Missed all the fun, did I?”

Sawyer snorted. “You missed Ridoc’s attempt at flirting with one of the healers. That’s fun by anyone’s standards.”

Genevieve chuckled, though the effort left her winded. The banter, the familiar warmth of her friends, eased some of the tension coiled inside her, but it didn’t erase the uncomfortable reality of her condition. 

As Xaden maneuvered her into place at the table, he leaned down to murmur in her ear. “Eat,” he commanded softly, his breath warm against her skin. “You need it.”

Genevieve scowled at him, though it lacked her usual fire. “Bossy.” 

“You love it.” 

Her heart skipped a beat at the causal use of the word “love,” a reminder of the conversation they’d had not just minutes ago. But before she could respond, Violet set a plate in front of her, piled high with food. The site of it made her stomach turn—she wasn’t sure she could keep anything down—but she knew Xaden wasn’t going to let her leave until she’d eaten something. 

So, with a resigned sigh, she picked up her fork and started to eat.

——————————————

This was the worst hell Genevieve had ever lived through. 

Yes, she knows she says that a lot, but this really was it. 

Who in Gods’ name is that girl looking back at her in the mirror. It’s been a month. Why does she still look so… mangled. 

A month. 

Genevieve stared at her reflection, fists clenched at her sides, her knuckles white against the edges of the sink. The mirror showed her the truth—an unflinching, brutal truth that she couldn’t escape. The bruises had faded to a sickly yellow, the cuts had healed, but the shadows under her eyes remained, dark and hollow like the weight she carried inside. Her face was thinner, paler, and her once bright eyes looked… tired. Defeated. 

The woman staring back at her in the mirror was a stranger, a ghost of someone who had once been strong, resilient. 

She turned away from the mirror with a huff, the pain in her chest flaring as she moved too quickly. It didn’t matter how long it had been. No matter how much time passed, she still felt broken. Not just physically anymore—the healers had done their job well—but in ways that magic couldn’t touch. 

She pulled her shirt down, covering the jagged scar that snaked across her ribs, a souvenir from the battle that nearly claimed her life. Her fingers trailed the edge of it, the skin raised and still tender, a constant reminder of her near-death experience. She hated it. Hated the reminder that she had been weak enough to need saving. 

From the other side of the door, she heard footsteps approaching. A knock followed, soft but deliberate. 

“Genevieve, are you ready?”

Violet.  

She squeezed her eyes shut, bracing herself against the sink for a moment before responding. “Just give me a minute.” Her voice was steady, but inside, she was anything but. The past month had been a blur of recovery, whispers of sympathy from her squad, but shouts of awe in Violet’s steady improvement that Genevieve never managed to make. Not to mention Xaden hovering like a storm cloud, always near, always watching. He was suffocating her, his protectiveness felt like a constant reminder of how fragile she had become. 

Fragile. She hated that word. She wasn’t supposed to be fragile. She was a rider. She had power—power that could give life and take it away in a motion of her hands. Yet now, looking in the mirror, she didn’t see power. She saw fear. Vulnerability. 

And Xaden, gods, he used to look at her like she was hot, desirable. No one ever looked at her like that—like she was anything but a warrior with hard edges and sharp lines. 

Now he looked at her like she might shatter at the slightest touch. 

Genevieve turned away from the mirror, her stomach twisting with a familiar cocktail of frustration and shame. She couldn’t stand it anymore—the way he hovered, his eyes always tracking her every movement like she might collapse at any second. And maybe that's what hurt the most, the fact that a part of ether was afraid he was right. That maybe she was fragile now, a shell of the warrior she used to be.

She made her way to the door, opening it with her good arm, still not sure if she could even crack the door open with her bad one. 

“I can’t-” Genevieve started, but then looked away, shame clawing at her insides like a dog at a fence. 

Violet just walked in, grabbing the hair tie from Genevieve’s hand. 

“I’ve had enough shoulder injuries to know it’s impossible to tie your hair back with one. You don’t even need to ask.”

Violet said nothing more, she just grabbed a chair and put it in front of the sink facing the mirror. Lightly, she pushed Genevieve to sit down, and took her tangled hair in her hands. 

Slowly, she worked her fingers through the shoulder-length white hair Genevieve had. Each knot slowly coming undone from weeks of poor attempts at brushing.  

Genevieve just sat and watched as Violet took the front pieces of her hair and gently braided downwards. 

“How are you really feeling?” Violet asked softly, gently, her words full of understanding. “It’s hard to constantly be in pain, isn’t it?”

Genevieve’s eyes flashed in recognition. Violet knew exactly how she was feeling, and she knew exactly how Violet was feeling under the weight of her power. They were one in the same but all so different. 

She stared at the mirror, watching Violet’s fingers work with a quiet patience she didn’t deserve. She wanted to scream, to tear her hair out, to demand why Violet always had to be so damn calm, so damn collected. But instead, she let out a long, shaky breath, her throat tight with unshed tears. 

“I feel like a ghost,” Genevieve admitted, her voice barely a whisper. “Like I’m still here, but not really. Everything hurts, but not in the way it’s supposed to. And I keep thinking…” she paused, swallowing hard. “I keep thinking that maybe I should have just let myself die on that field. Maybe it would have been easier.” 

The admission hung in the air between them, heavy and raw. For a moment, Violet said nothing, her fingers never pausing in their gentle work. Genevieve wasn’t sure what reaction she expected—pity, maybe, or some kind of forced reassurance. But when Violet finally spoke, her words were firm, steady. 

“Did you know that when I first got to Basgiath, I had injured my knee crossing the parapet, and so Dain snuck me up to his dorm room to bandage it before anyone saw, and on the walk up, I didn’t think I could climb the staircase because there wasn’t a railing.” She started, her words calm, but she continued. “I remember standing there, looking up at those steps, and all I could think was, ‘If I can’t make it up these stairs, how the hell am I going to survive the Riders Quadrant?’” Violet let out a soft chuckle, though there was no humor in it. “I felt so broken. Weak. Like I didn’t belong. Dain kept on telling me that there was still time to run away, and that I should leave and join the scribes. And for a while… I believed it.” 

Genevieve blinked, caught off guard by the honesty in Violet’s voice. She hadn’t expected this—a story, a confession, from someone she had seen as indomitable in the mental sense. 

“But you got through it,” Genevieve muttered, staring down at her hands. “You’re smart and adaptable. You always do.” 

Violet’s hands paused in Genevieve’s hair for just a moment, and when she spoke again, her voice was soft but steady. “I got through it, yes, and partially because I am adaptable, but mostly I got through it because I didn’t have a choice. And because I had people like you, and Rhiannon, and Ridoc, and Sawyer, and eventually Liam. And maybe that’s the point, Genevieve. You don’t have to be strong all the time. You just have to keep going.”

Genevieve’s throat tightened at Violet’s words. She wanted to argue, to push back against the idea that she needed help, that she wasn’t strong enough to stand on her own. But the truth was, she was tired. So tired of being invincible, of holding everyone at arm’s length because she was afraid of being vulnerable, of breaking apart in front of them. And deep down, a part of her knew that Violet was right.

But admitting it—that was a different battle altogether. 

“I hate this,” Genevieve said, her voice trembling. “I hate that I feel weak. I hate that Xaden looks at me like I’m going to fall apart. I hate that I—” She broke off, unable to finish the thought, unable to voice the fear gnawing at her insides. Maybe she wasn’t the warrior she used to be. That she’d never be her old self again. 

Violet’s hands moved back to her hair, finishing the braid with gentle precision. “You’re not weak, Genevieve,” she said quietly. “You survived. You came back when most people would have let themselves go. That’s not weakness. That’s strength.”

The words hit her like a punch to the gut. Genevieve closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry, but her chest ached with the weight of everything she had been holding inside. The pain, the fear, the guilt—everything she had tried to bury deep inside for the sake of everyone else. It was all threatening to spill over. 

“Then why do I feel so… broken?” she whispered, her voice barely audible. 

“Because healing isn’t a straight line. And you’ve been through more than anyone should ever have to. It’s okay to feel broken. It’s okay to not be okay.” Her eyes softened, and there was a gentleness there that made something in Genevieve crack. “But you don’t have to go through it alone.”

For a moment, neither of them said anything. The silence was heavy but not uncomfortable, a shared understanding between them. Genevieve could feel the tears prickling at the edges of her eyes, but she didn’t try to push her back. 

“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice raw. 

Violet smiled, a small, sad smile. “You don’t have to thank me. You wrestled a dragon for me, you’re my best friend, this is what I’m here for.”

The sound of footsteps in the hall broke the moment, and before Genevieve could steel herself, the door creaked open. Xaden stood in the doorway, his eyes locking onto Genevieve instantly. His gaze flickered to Violet, who moved away from Genevieve. 

“I’ll see you at training,” Violet said, her voice light again, but she squeezed Genevieve’s shoulder before walking out, leaving her alone with Xaden. 

For a long moment, neither of them spoke. Xaden’s eyes were dark, stormy, and when he finally stepped into the room, it was like the air shifted with him. 

Genevieve stiffened the moment Xaden entered, her heart pounding in her chest. She hated how his presence still affected her, how just a look from him could unravel everything she was trying so hard to hold together. She clenched her fists, willing herself to stay calm, to keep her walls up, but it was a losing battle.

He moved slowly, cautiously, as if she would break with too much pressure. That look in his eyes—the same one that had been haunting her for the past month—was still there, filled with concern and something else. Regret, maybe. Guilt. She didn’t care anymore. She didn’t want to care. 

But gods, it hurt to see him like this. To feel the distance between them, the chill that had settled where there once was fire. 

“Liam told me Violet went to go talk with you,” he said, his voice rough but quiet. He kept his distance, like he was afraid to get too close. “I thought I’d check on you too.”

Genevieve’s throat tightened. She didn’t want to talk to him, not when everything was still so raw. Not when she hadn’t forgiven him for the lies. The secrets. the betrayal. 

“I’m fine,” she said sharply, hating how brittle her voice sounded, how vulnerable she felt. 

Xaden’s jaw clenched, his hands flexing at his sides as if he wanted to reach for her but stopped himself. “You don’t have to pretend with me, Genevieve,” he said, his tone low but insistent. “I know you’re not fine.” 

She laughed bitterly, pushing herself up from the chair. The movement made her wince, pain flaring up her side, but she ignored it. “Don’t pretend like you know how I feel, Xaden. You don’t get to do that. Not after everything.” 

He flinched, and for a split second, she saw something flicker in his eyes—hurt, maybe. But it was gone as quickly as it appeared. “I do know how you feel,” he said quietly, stepping closer. “I know because I’ve felt it too. That fear of being weak. The guilt. The anger. I see it in you every day, and it kills me that I can’t take it away.”

Genevieve’s chest tightened, and she turned away from him, walking to the window to put distance between them. “I don’t need your help. I don’t need you,” She said, her voice trembling. “You lied to me, Xaden. You kept things from me, and now you want to act like everything’s ok? Like you’re just here to… what? Protect me? Save me?” 

“I kept things from you to protect you,” Xaden said, his voice rising in frustration. “I made a choice—maybe it wasn’t the right one, Malek knows I make the wrong decision all the time, but I did it because I—”

”Because you what?” Genevieve snapped, whirling around to face him, her heart thudding in her chest. “Because you care? You don’t get to say that now, not after lying to my face for months. You don’t get to stand there and act like I’m some fragile thing you need to save.”

Xaden’s eyes darkened, and he took a step closer, his expression hardening. “You’re not fragile, Genevieve. You never were. But you are hurting, and I can’t stand watching you go through it alone.” 

Genevieve’s breath hitched, and for a moment, the weight of everything—the pain, the anger, the exhaustion—threatened to crush her. She wanted to scream at him, to push him away, to tell him that he didn’t have the right to care. But instead, she stood there, trembling, her fists clenched at her sides. 

“I don’t need you,” she whispered, though the words tasted like a lie. 

“Maybe you don’t. But I’m here anyway.”

The silence between them was thick, suffocating. And then, before she could top herself, she took two steps towards him, closing the distance between them, her body moving on instinct, driven by weeks of tension, anger, and something deeper. She grabbed his collar and yanked him down, pressing her lips into his in a kiss that was desperate, raw, and filled with every emotion she hadn’t been able to voice. 

For a moment, Xaden froze, as if caught off guard. But then he responded, his hands sliding u;p her arms, his touch tentative at first, as if he was afraid she might pull away. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. The kiss deepened, the heat between them undeniable, a storm of emotions swirling around them—anger, pain, desire. 

It was a kiss that wasn’t just about want—it was about need. About everything they hadn’t said, everything they couldn’t say. 

When they finally pulled apart, both of them were breathing heavily, the faces mere inches apart. 

“I haven’t forgiven you,” Genevieve whispered, her voice shaky but firm. 

Xaden’s breath was warm against her skin, and his hands tightened slightly on her arms. “I know,” he whispered back. “But I’m not going anywhere.” 

-------------------

Hey everyone! Omg, I am exhausted rn these last few chapters have been killing me. I actually just started the last chapter and the epilogue of the wounded healer, so in the next week-ish, i'll have finished fourth wing. My current plan is to finish fourth wing, edit, re-write, and update with the edits and additional stuff, and then get started on iron flame.

anyways, that's it for this wednesday. how did we like this? Genevieve being vulnerable? Xaden getting the insults he deserved? I had fun writing it, and I had a lot of fun with chapter 22 as well (smut coming!!!).

As always, please let me know what you though! if you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, or kudo if you enjoyed, and I'll see you all on saturday!

----------

Taglist: @awkardnerd , @hannraumari , @minjix , @glaciuswduo , @wolfbc97

[thelargefrye]

CHRISTMAS BLUES  …  one - shot

pairing : poly!ateez x idol!f!reader

genre : angst + hurt / comfort + really really light smut

warnings : language + insecure thoughts + y/n celebrates christmas + mentions of shower sex

word count : 2.3k

notes : this is a repost on my actual blog bc my other blog @/atztv has gotten shadowbanned 😕

after your flight home gets cancelled last minute, you spend the holidays alone and you take this moment to think about your relationship with the boys.

DEC. 23, INCHEON INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, SOUTH KOREA, 10:49 PM

“cancelled?” you echo the words the airline worker had just said to you. they nodded and once again offered an apology to you, but you brushed them off. “that’s alright, thank you. happy holidays,” you say softly before picking your bags up, luggage towing behind you as you get out of line.

your flight home had been cancelled last minute due to the weather, which means that you would be spending the holidays by yourself.

the boys had already went home. all miles away from seoul and from you in order to spend the limited time they had with their families before they had to go on tour again.

well, might as well go back to the dorm, you think before trudging your way out of the airport to haul a taxi.

DEC. 24, ATEEZ DORM, 12:03 AM

the dorm always felt odd when the boys weren’t here. even when they were on tour and you remained in korea, it felt weird.

something just… unsettling about how quiet it was. that’s why you usually opted to stay in your own apartment when they were gone.

leaving your luggage by the door along with your shoes, you make your way through the dorm. winter jacket being ditched at the edge of the couch mindless as you make your way to one of the bedroom.

smack, you turn to see your coat now on the floor and your shoulders slump at the sight. shit, i’ll get it later, you think before continuing to seonghwa’s and hongjoong’s room.

changing your clothes, you throw on one of seonghwa’s hoodies. allowing yourself to be engulfed with his scent, you think this makes the dorm a little less cold.

you make your way back to the kitchen to fix you some ramen after realizing you hadn’t eaten in a few hours.

honestly, making ramen wasn’t your favorite thing to do. you know that if wooyoung was here, you would just harass him until he caved in and made it for you. he would complain about making it, but you knew if it really bothered him, he have a small smile on his face as he made.

yeah, his ramen is better.

DEC. 24, ATEEZ DORM, 8:09 AM

woo-bug : hey bby! let us know when you land and make it home!!

joongie : ^^ love you! have fun and call us when you get settled! 😙😙😙

you smile at the texts you got from some of the boys. you woke up this morning to see the text from them and it makes your stomach full with butterflies.

you : hey loves, i’m home 💕 will call you later when i get the chance!! have fun with your families.

you toss your phone to the side as you get out of bed and make your way to the bathroom for a quick shower.

you figured you might as well go out and do some things then be trapped in the dorm for two days by yourself.

as you’re in the shower, you can’t help but let your mind wander to the boys. how seonghwa would be arguing with san about joining you in the shower, the eldest telling the younger to let you shower in peace.

however unknown to the fact that hongjoong had already snuck in and joined you. you would be like putty in his hand as his hands roamed your body, feigning innocence and claiming he’s “helping you wash” and the next thing you know he has two fingers shoved into your pussy.

you try to hold back your moans, but he would encourage you to let them out as his free hand fondles your breast. “let it out, pretty. let them here how good i’m making you feel.”

his fingers move faster, the feeling of you clenching around his fingers let’s him know you are close. you finally do reach your climax with a high pitched moan, you are hit with the sudden realization that you are alone.

the now ice cold water feels weird hitting against your hot skin.

DEC. 24, SEOUL, 2:30 PM

your converse against the sidewalk make a nice rhythm as you walk through seoul.

it’s been a while since you’ve traveled to this part of the city and you’re hoping to find a new café to take yeosang to before they leave on your.

hongjoong’s jacket, that you definitely didn’t steal from his closet, engulfs you nicely along with the thick sweater you have underneath. you knew hongjoong would love your outfit.

you need to make sure to take a picture and send it to him later.

as you walk, you take note of the a new café you haven’t seen before. the aesthetic of the place was cute and warm and you knew you would have to bring yeosang here.

and maybe even jongho. the maknae always made it seem like he was rather indifferent about coming to cafés with you and yeosang, but you knew he secretly loved coming on those kind of dates with you two.

you once overheard him tell yunho about a café he wanted to take you too. you remember the gummy smile he had and the fond look yunho gave him.

now that you think about it… that was around the time you wanted a break from the relationship because of hongjoong and that producer.

you feel a sense of guilt settle in your stomach as you think about how he never took you to that café or even mentioned it.

during that time, you felt like you just ruined everything for them. that’s why you wanted to take a break. you remember how miserable you felt and how you would actively ignore their longing looks when you ran into them at the company.

you try not to think about how miserable they must have felt too.

DEC. 24, SEOUL, 5:30 PM

“why are you doing here, young missy!” the familiar voice of the grandma at the bbq restaurant yells as you walk through the door.

you can’t help but smile as you walk over to her hunched form and allow her to hug you. she’s warm.

“gosh, missy, why are you so cold? and where are the boys at?”

“my flight home was cancelled and they boys are with their families,” you explain to her as she leads you to a table.

she doesn’t hand you a menu, already knowing yours and the boys orders by heart. you’ve been coming here since your trainee days. you look at the walls to see pictures of you and the boys decorating one wall and her collection of signed albums on display for everyone to see.

grandma makes you feel proud of all your hard work. she’s witnessed you grow from a rookie to someone who has fans all over the world.

“oh, grandma, here,” you say handing her the present your bought her once she brings you your food.

“thank you, dear, you always did have such a warm heart.”

DEC. 24, HONGJOONG, 9:30 PM

“huh? what do you mean she didn’t go home?” hongjoong was confused as he spoke to his manager over the phone.

“i seen her while i was out. she was wearing one of your jackets you designed. i contacted her manager and apparently her flight was cancelled last minute. figured i would at least let you know,” his manager finishes and hongjoong thanks the man before he hangs up.

why didn’t you tell them your flight was cancelled? if you had told him you were still in korea, he would have immediately went to go get you and bring him home with you. his parents love you, they wouldn’t have minded.

the question still lingered in the back of his mind as he tries to figure out why you didn’t say anything. he lets out a sigh before picking his phone back up and going to his contacts.

“hey, do you have a second?”

DEC. 24, ATEEZ DORM, 11:30 PM

this is nice, you think to yourself as you snuggle on the couch, favorite blanket wrapped around you as you watch a christmas movie. a bowl of popcorn nestled right next to you.

the christmas movie was one of those cliche love story ones. the type that always got mingi emotional by the end of it.

“i’m just so happy they found each other!” mingi would say as he wiped his eyes away before cuddling into whoever was the closest to him.

you’ll have to rewatch this movie with mingi when they come back. you know he’ll really enjoy watching it with you.

you let your head rest against the back of the couch, eyes following the characters on the tv. letting out a few chuckles here and there because of their shenanigans. by the end of the movie, you were starting to grow tired, but decided that one more movie wouldn’t hurt before going to bed.

looking at the clock you notice it was 11:30, only thirty more minutes until christmas. you remind yourself to send the boys a text once it hits midnight.

your first pad softly across the floor as you make your way to the kitchen to fix another bowl of popcorn.

while you’re waiting, you begin to hum to yourself. a song you and hongjoong have been working on while he’s been away on tour, sending the song back and forth between each other.

it was something you were proud of.

beep, beep, beep! you take the popcorn out of the microwave and dump it into your bowl.

thump! you turn around at the sound, bowl in hand you begin to walk near the door. “that damn jacket, i swear to—

you cut yourself off when you notice yunho standing at the entrance. you can’t help the small gasp you let out as the two of you make eye contact.

yunho smiles at you warmly, setting his bag aside he immediately comes up and engulfs you into a hug.

“my pretty baby, why didn’t you tell us your flight was cancelled?” he asked, hand running over your hair as he holds you close to his chest. you can feel the coldness of outside lingering on his jacket as you snuggle into him more.

“i didn’t want to bother you guys,” you mumble once yunho pulled away a little bit. you refused to look him in the eyes, ashamed of not telling him.

he took the bowl of popcorn from your hands gentle, setting it aside before cupping your face. you didn’t even realize you had tears forming until he forced you to look at him.

“you should know by now how important you are to us and this relationship. you will never be a bother to me, or hyung, or any of us. i love you so much,” he confesses and you feel your heart thumping hard in your ears at his words.

“i’m sorry!” you cry, tears finally falling as you shove your face back into yunho’s sweater. “i’ve been so miserable since you guys went on tour. seeing you all perform and do lives together made me feel so… i don’t know, like i don’t belong in this relationship.”

“and being here alone for christmas just made all those feelings come back?” he asked softly, he felt his heart ache when you nodded your head.

yunho didn’t say anything as he tapped the back of your thighs, a signal for you to jump, to which you wrapped your legs around his waist.

“go ahead and cry your heart out, baby, i’m not going anywhere,” he says once he moved the two of you to the couch. you felt your blanket drape over your shoulders as yunho started rubbing circles into your back.

DEC. 25, ATEEZ DORM, 12:05 AM

when you woke up, you felt overly warm. your cheek was squished against something soft, too soft to be the couch cushion. and when you go to move, that’s when it hit you.

yunho had come to the dorm.

you sit up quickly, pushing your body away from your boyfriend to see him looking at you in shock.

“whoa, you okay, baby?” he asks still a little surprised by your sudden movement.

“i-i’m fine…” you say trailing off as you feel yourself relax a little bit.

“do you feel a little better?” he ask, hand coming up to caress your face.

“why didn’t you stay with your family?” you ask completely ignoring his question.

“what?”

“why did you leave them to come here?” you rephrase your question, looking down at your hands instead of meeting his eyes. for some reason you were afraid to meeting his eyes. why? you weren’t too sure on.

“because someone needed to be with you during the holidays,” he answers quietly, his fingers coming and intertwining with yours lazily. “i told my parents and brother that you were alone at the dorm, and my mom practically shoved me out the door to get here quicker.”

you looked at him a little surprised, “really?” he nodded with a smile. “my mom really likes you, she wants to meet you soon. i think she might be a bigger fan of you than she is of me,” he adds with a laugh and it makes you laugh as well.

then something hits you, “what time is it?”

yunho looks at his watch, “a little past midnight. merry christmas love,” he says before leaning over to kiss you. “thank you for loving us and sticking with us through everything,” he whispers in your ear as he pulls you back to his chest.

you smile as you snuggle into his chest, “merry christmas to you too, yuyu. i love you.”

[chickensoup1025]

I'm just gonna answer all of these rn even tho that's not the point

1. Comfort character? Leslie Knope, Kirishima Eijirou, Adrien Agreste, Iko from tlc, Kyle Broflovski, Tweek Tweak, Willow Park... and a lot more lol

2. If I had to pick between a lighter and matches I guess I'd say matches

3. No I don't leave the window open at night cause of the AC

4. I don't believe any cryptid exist/I don't really care about that stuff

5. Brown 🤎

6. Why what

7. Hair ties over scrunchies. Tighter.

8. Zero water bottles in my room right now. I have one metal one I keep on me all the time (that I've painted on) and I'm at work rn so

9. I don't drink coffee. Couple reasons. Arfid said no to trying new things, smells weird, and if I got into caffeine I'm positive I'd get addicted so. Stopping that at the source thank you.

10. I wouldn't slaughter anyone. If I was in a very specific position and situation, there's a chance I'd KILL someone maybe but slaughter is much too much. Also I don't care about the rich part

11. I like reading a lot!!

12. It's a tired, cloudy, woke up late but I have stuff to do kind of day.

13. I ate a chocolate chip muffin this morning (at noon)

14. I guess I like the smell of after it rains. Doesn't rain a lot at ALL where I live so it is a luxury

15. No, I'm not a parent

16. Yes, I can drive! Got my license around 4 years ago

17. I have pretty damn great vision. Not far or near sighted.

18. Uh. I use Costco brand stuff in the shower

19. Of COURSE I'd paint your nails! I'm gonna get paint all over your skin though, that's a promise

20. I say "soda"

21. I still have a lot of things from childhood as I still live with my parents but I'd say the main thing is a ladybug pillow pet I got in 2010 I still sleep with

22. I'm an awesome person, thank you very much.

23. Chilly weather is alright I guess

24. If we were together on a rooftop... well. I might stand up and start belting show tunes so watch out.

25. Shower soap bar lol

26. A scenario I've replayed multiple times would have to be... leaving my first job

27. All in one go hours of sleep? 3 average :(

28. I don't regularly wear a mask, no

29. Hot water!! Very hot!!

30. I don't think there are dishes in my room

31. Pretty lyrics and a soft guitar- think "Victory" by the Avett Brothers

32. Nah, I don't have a favorite towel

33. I went on a mini adventure last night where I just kept driving till there was no "forward" at an intersection and then took a right. Kept doing this for almost two hours.

34. Oh course! I know a LOT of songs' every lyric by heart. Example off the top of my head: Anthem Of Mr Dark by the Arcadian Wild

35. PDT zone

36. I only changed my url once I think. Can't remember exactly what it was before this

37. Yeah, I've known my friend Nikki for maybe 14 years

38. Scent-free please

39. No, I don't use lip balm

40. Nah, I haven't had any snacks today

41. I don't drink coffee

42. Google for ao3 and miscellaneous, Pinterest for fan art, ibis Paint x for art and editing, YouTube, Spotify, Google maps, DROPOUT, Discord, gmail. In no particular order

43. Can't really handle any spice

44. A free pass to kill anyone? I guess Donald Trump idk

45. Yeah yesterday was a waste

46. My favorite holiday film is... uh. Well I really like Elf.

47. Last message I sent was a discord server emoji of demon Kokichi sprite lol

48. I accidentally had a sip of my granddad's wine which I thought was my apple juice. But I don't drink as I am 20. I don't plan on drinking when I'm of age either. See^ I'm sure I'll get addicted among many other reasons to not start

49. I've never tried skipping rocks, I don't think!

50. Please do tag me in random stuff!!

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

[novelmonger]

4, 5, 7, 11, 17, 36, 41, 49, and 69 for the 30s asks, please?

4. Favorite chore?

Hmm...maybe laundry? It's fast, it's easy, and it makes the clothes smell really nice. And then I can listen to something while folding and putting away. Hanging up and taking down laundry was always one of my primary chores growing up (we didn't have a dryer), and I always liked it then as well.

5. Least favorite chore?

Dish-washing, easily. No matter how high or low the sink is, my back just screams at me in five minutes flat when I wash the dishes. I always end up splashing around quite a bit because I try to rush through them as fast as possible so I can stop bending over and go recover for an hour x.x

7. Any groceries you've been getting into lately?

Related to my answer for number 4, I recently tried out a new kind of Gain pods for my laundry. The pretty lavender lid on the container caught my eye, so since they didn't have the Midnight Breeze scent I'd been using, I decided I'd try Dewdrop Dream. And I don't think I'm ever going to buy anything else, because this smells fantastic!

11. What's something you saved up for and then regretted buying?

Back when I was having really really bad stiff necks and headaches, I bought I shiatsu neck massager, which you could drape behind your neck and turn on, and it would heat up and move these ball-like things in circular motions like a massage. It cost a pretty penny, but it didn't help anything, and it was really painful besides. It was sitting on my shelf for years, gathering dust, until we were getting rid of stuff in preparation for our recent move. So off to the thrift store it went. Hopefully someone else out there will get some use out of it.

17. What's a movie you saw recently that you liked?

Inside Out 2! I finally managed to see it last week, and it was everything I could have hoped it to be! :') I love the first Inside Out inordinately, and always cry like a baby at the end. There's no way the sequel could live up to that, but it came really really close! I still cried, I still laughed at all the clever puns and was engaged the whole time. And I loved Embarrassment so much <3 Pixar really knows how to make good sequels!

36. Do you keep a daily journal or agenda?

No, that makes everyday life feel too much like school. I get enough nightmares about that kind of thing as it is! Since I'm such an excessive homebody who rarely has anywhere to go, I can usually keep it all in my head, or just rely on sticky notes at my desk. Though recently we've taken to putting a whiteboard on the fridge with all of our schedules for the week so we can keep track of it all.

41. What's the oldest thing you own?

Hmm...maybe my dresser? I think my mom said it was the one she had growing up, but I might be thinking of my sister's dresser and mine is my aunt's.

49. Do you bring a bag with you everywhere you go?

Other than my purse, no. I am not the mom friend, sorry ^^'

69. What are you looking forward to next week?

MY NEW MATTRESS!!!!! 8D It's supposed to get delivered on Tuesday, I think, and I'm so excited I could cry. My lower back has been killing me every night for the past six months, rarely letting me get more than five hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time, and I just hope it's the fault of my thirteen-year-old mattress and not something more serious T_T

30-somethings asks

[bellisperennis0]

All That Matters

Word Count: 606

Warnings: None

A/N: Sweet Angel surprising you on your Birthday. GIF Credit to @angels-reyes​. Thank you for reading and Enjoy! 🖤

Anonymous asked: 49 from the fluff with angel please?

It was your birthday, and just like every other year, you were perfectly okay with doing absolutely nothing on your day. Except this year differed slightly from the years past. This year you had Angel by your side to celebrate your day.

You had told, and practically begged, Angel that you were perfectly fine with just staying in and doing nothing for your birthday and that he shouldn’t make a big fuss over it. Except you knew Angel, and although he said that he had heard you, you knew that man of yours would do everything in his power to make today as special as you are to him.

All you really wanted for your birthday was to spend the day with Angel, but a last-minute run took him away from you these last few days and you were stuck at work all day.

----------

Walking into your home, you drop your purse and keys on the entry table as you kick off your shoes, sighing as you try to release the stress from the day.

Your day started off perfect. Angel called you early to wish you a Happy Birthday and when you arrived to work your coworkers had gone all out in decorating your office for you. Then you had that meeting you were dreading all week, and everything went downhill after that, putting a damper on your day. The only thing that somewhat cheered you up were the surprise Birthday flowers Angel had sent you.

Walking into your house, you were surprised to see the living room completely decorated. A big ‘Happy Birthday’ balloon banner hanging from the ceiling, with pink and gold streamers, balloons, and flowers scattered all over your living room.

“A-Angel?!” you softly call out.

Next thing you hear is Angel’s voice singing Happy Birthday as he appears from around the corner, holding a cupcake with a candle on top in his hands.

“Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you...yadda yadda.” he tries to sing as you stand there giggling.

“Happy Birthday, mi Amor” he tells you before placing a kiss to your nose.

“Thank you, babe!” you couldn’t help but smile.

“Now make a wish” he tells you, holding the cupcake in front so you could make your wish and to blow out the candle.

You give him a smile before closing your eyes for a few seconds and then blowing out the candle.

“I thought you wouldn’t be back till tomorrow?” you asked as you wrap your arms around his waist, placing your cheek against the cool leather of his kutte.Taking in his scent, that you have missed while he was away.

“I might have lied about that. We got back late this morning. I wanted to surprise you.“ he says placing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Thank you for this. It made this shitty day so much better. And even though I told you, you didn’t have to do anything, I appreciate all of this.” you say as you get on your tippy toes to place a chaste kiss to his lips.

“Anything for you, mi Vida. You’re the only thing that matters.” he says as he pulls you into another kiss.

“Pop and EZ should be here in about an hour. Can I give you your present now?” he asks you, giving you a mischievous smirk.

You eye him, “Can it wait till after your dad and brother leave?” you ask, more just to torture him than anything.

“I can give you your present now and then later.” he tells you, throwing you a wink as he practically drags you down the hall as your giggles echo throughout the house.

 --xx

[rikiflrts]

— ꒰‧ 𝐃𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐲'𝐬 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦��𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭 ༉‧₊˚✧

after what seemed like forever, i finally made my own prompt list! if you wish to request for the prompts that you’d like to use with a certain member, then feel free to choose any of the numbers displayed and tell me about them in the ask box (^^).

also: please be specific with the genre that you'd like to imply with your chosen prompts, thank you~ ♡

1.) "i just wanted to give you a hug"

2.) "dumbass we're lost now thanks to you!" " i already got lost in your eyes from the moment i met you but you don't see me complaining."

3.) "please don't talk to me right now, im not in the mood"

4.) "how are you so beautiful?"

5.) "my hoodie looks great on you"

6.) "how could you..."

7.) "i trusted you"

8.) "i didn't tell you to trust me."

9.) "you're leaving? just like that?"

10.) "no stop you're making me blush"

11.) "and if i am?"

12.) "just shut up and let me play with your hair"

13.) "so this is what falling in love feels like"

14.) "how are you even real..?"

15.) "are you being for real right now?"

16.) "...did you just sniff me?"

17.) "if you're that mad then why don't you just take it out on me?"

18.) "i don't mind"

19.) "you dumbass, i said i like you!"

20.) "i used to have this huge crush on you (laughs)" "used to?" "well, yeah.. i dont really like you anymore"

21.) "can i hold your hand?"

22.) "are you nervous?"

23.) "less talking, more working!"

24.) "im in love with an idiot"

25.) "but you promised me that we'd get married!!" "for the love of god, ____ we were 5 when that promise was made!"

26.) "but i still love/like you.."

27.) "this reminded me of you"

28.) "his/her/their smile is really pretty.."

29.) "just confess already!!"

30.) "you're an idiot." "yeah. your idiot."

31.) "are you even paying attention?"

32.) "does it look like i care?"

33.) "i don't really care"

34.) "it's been a while since i last smiled like this"

35.) "oh crap im starting to feel the butterflies again"

36.) "I'm scared, okay?! i can't do it"

37.) "what are you so scared of?"

38.) "im scared of falling.." "dont be, i'll catch you."

39.) "promise..?" "promise."

40.) "i guess promises really were meant to be broken."

41.) "you made a fool out of me!"

42.) "im sorry, its not you.. its me."

43.) "what about our promises??" "what about them?"

44.) "please dont go"

45.) "is/are they/he/she all you're ever going to look at?im already right in front of your attention is still focused on them/him/her."

46.) "that's it..?"

47.) "cuddle with me"

48.) "no."

49.) "his/her/their eyes were like pools; so deep. I fear that if I fall, I might never come out and reach for air."

50.) "i love spending time with you"

51.) "let's just be friends"

52.) "im sorry, im afraid of commitment"

53.) "im afraid of it too. why don't you just take this risk and overcome your fears with me?"

54.) "if its you, then i dont mind."

55.) "i love your smell"

56.) "what's that supposed to mean?"

57.) "first love really never does die huh"

58.) "hey, you look really familiar" "oh, really?" "yeah. you look like my soulmate."

59.) "if you like me so much then just marry me already"

60.) "wait i can do that?!" "your gullibility really amazes me sometimes."

61.) "are you dumb? be honest"

62.) "im not in the mood"

63.) "are you okay?"

64.) "you look horrible" "oh wow gee thanks for pointing that out sherlock"

65.) "what's in it for me?"

66.) "do you..like me?"

67.) "do you like him/her/them?"

68.) "but i wrote you letters.."

69.) "they mean nothing to me."

70.) "wow! i haven't seen you in ages, how have you been?" "we literally just saw each other 5 hours ago."

71.) "wipe that smirk off your face, its annoying"

72.) "aww, why? are you perhaps threatened that you'll end up falling for me?"

73.) "i think im going to puke"

74.) "are you blushing?"

75.) "aren't you tired of comstantly running in my mind?"

76.) "i can't get him/her/them out of my head"

77.) "your laugh sounds really pretty"

78.) "i love how your eyes sparkle whenever you're invested in something"

79.) "im falling"

80.) "oh no im catching feelings"

81.) "do you ever stop talking?"

82.) "let me get that for you"

83.) "its okay, i can pay for myself" "no. i wont let you" "but i have my own mone-" "shut up and let me spoil you!"

84.) "i refuse to stay in the same room with the likes of him/her/them!"

86.) "it was pretty obvious.."

87.) "come here."

88.) "stop doing that to yourself!"

89.) "you deserve better."

90.) "just leave. i dont want to see your face anymore."

91.) "i hate you." "the feeling's mutual."

92.) "didn't i tell you to leave me alone?!"

93.) "was it so wrong to love you..?"

94.) "if you really love me then just stay away from my sight."

95.) "you feel like home"

96.) "i love hugging you, it makes me feel safe"

97.) "i could kiss you right now!" "you're very welcome to do it."

98.) "i can't keep playing pretend"

99.) "let's put an end to this.."

100.) "i think im actually catching feelings"

101.) "this is getting dangerous.."

102.) "give me another chance"

103.) "give me one reason why i shouldnt leave."

104.) "im going to do it! im finally going to confess to him/her/them!"

105.) "you've got to be kidding me.."

106.) "i knew what i signed up for. im not surprised."

107.) "he/she/they has/have stars in his/her/their eyes and im captivated"

108.) "i love you" "nice try, but im not falling for that"

109.) "is it that hard to fall in love with me?!"

110.) "well if you put it that way, then yes."

111.) "you look happy"

112.) "you look happier without me."

113.) "can you guys please change the dare"

114.) "who gave you the right to toy around with my emotions like that?!"

115.) "i got played.."

116.) "stay out of my sight."

117.) "you're an eyesore" "you're an eye candy"

118.) "why are you still here?"

119.) "why..?"

120.) "stop making fun of me!" "make me."

121.) "was i just some kind of sick joke to you?"

122.) " i really like you "

123.) "i don't know how to express my feelings that well but i just want you to know that i'd take a bullet for you"

124.) "i'd do anything just to see you smile like that again"

125.) "what are you staring at?"

126.) "i think i have a crush on you" "you think? you're not even sure?"

127.) "take my hand"

128.) "let's get out of here."

129.) "you should wear my clothes more often"

130.) "i can teach you how"

131.) "I'm here for you"

132.) "you can use me to forget about him/her/them"

133.) "even if the world turns againt us, as long as we have each other, then we'll be alright."

134.) "you're all that i need"

135.) "you're all that i ever wanted"

136.) "you're all that i have"

137.) "please don't leave me"

138.) "I'm sorry."

139.) "look at me."

140.) "look at me and tell me that you don't love me anymore."

141.) "you're an idiot."

142.) "i don't love you anymore."

143.) "did you just drink from my cup?" "and if i did?"

144.) "im going to kill you!" "you don't scare me"

145.) "stay with me a little longer"

146.) "i knew it.."

147.) "i should've known.."

148.) "are you jealous?"

149.) "i made you a playlist"

150.) "when will you ever look my way..?"

151.) "im fine with looking at him/her/them from afar"

152.) "he's/she's/they're out of my league"

151.) "im scared of getting rejected"

152.) "back to square one"

153.) "I'm tired"

154.) "what do you like about me?"

154.) "i'd rather starve than spend time with him/her/them."

155.) "if i'm an idiot, then you're a coward"

156.) "i dreamt about you last night"

157.) "it was a nightmare"

158.) "it's the little things that he/she/they do/does that drive me insane"

159.) "i like you more than i should"

160.) "be mine"

161.) "it was too good to be true.."

162.) "i had a crush on him/her/them"

163.) "i never really thought that i'd end up falling for you"

164.) "you're adorable"

165.) "you mean the world to me"

166.) "you meant the world to me"

167.) "what happened in the past stays in the past"

168.) "careful, you might end up falling for me"

169.) "very funny, mister lover boy"

170.) "lets go out on a date"

171.) "i'm so lucky to have you"

172.) "where are you going?"

173.) "sometimes it really just gotta be like that"

174.) "hello good afternoon, what's your order?" "hell- oh wow.. you please" "im sorry, could you say that again?" "wait no! i meant- uh..oh dear.."

175.) "he's too good for me"

176.) "stop giving me mixed signals"

177.) "i guess it really just wasn't meant to be"

178.) "im not interested in you"

179.) "i cant get him/her/them out of my head"

180.) "where is/are he/she/they?"

181.) "you took my pillow so im going to use you as a pillow"

182.) "why are you avoiding me?"

183.) "did i do something wrong?"

184.) "please talk to me"

185.) "im not even his/her/their ideal type"

186.) "it wouldn't hurt to try"

187.) "you smell like me"

188.) "i like my scent on you"

189.) "that sounds weird if you put it that way"

190.) "can i call you tonight?"

191.) "you should smile more often"

192.) "i hate it when people tell me what to do"

193.) "lets wear matching outfits!"

194.) "im arresting you." "why? i didnt do anything wrong" "yes you did, you stole my heart and i want justice!"

195.) "i guess i got too caught up with my fatasies to notice that he/she/they never really liked me back in the first place.."

196.) "you're the answer to all my prayers"

198.) "you should go home."

199.) "let me come with you"

200.) "run away with me"

last updated: 12/30/20

take me back to navigation ↺

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

working late

warnings: none

word count: 1k

oh look at that, another grey’s anatomy reference, if you were waiting for a sign to watch it this is your sign, go watch it rn :)

Harry did not like working late. It was probably his least favorite part of the job. He hated when his manager approached him when he was just about ready to go home, saying there has been some issue and he would have to stay. He hated pulling out his phone and opening his messaging app. He hated clicking on your smiling face and drafting a text. He hated thinking about how upset you would be as he typed "I'm so sorry, I'll be home late again, don't wait up, I love you". He hated how sweet your replies always were; it made him feel more guilty. You would respond with something like "don't worry about it, I'll see you in the morning💕" and it made his heart ache. 

He hated unlocking the door at 3 A.M., slipping inside silently so he wouldn't wake you. He hated getting ready for bed, making no noise, before sliding in next to you. He hated waking up in the morning without you, because you had already gotten up and started your day. After all, you had been sleeping for 5 hours by the time he got in. It wasn't your fault his schedule was so unpredictable. 

Even though working late was undeniably awful, there was one aspect he didn't completely hate. Most nights, you would go to sleep soon after he texted you. Sometimes, though, you decided you wanted to stay up.

  Your face brightened when you read his message, quickly typing back "thanks for letting me know, but I'll stay up tonight! I want to say goodnight in person". 

He smiled as he read the response, wondering how long you could last before crashing.

Harry: That's very sweet of you, see you in a couple hours! Y/N: :)

Harry texted you as often as he could, updating you on what he was doing and how soon he would be home. 

Harry: Sorry babe, we keep having sound problems, it'll be a few more hours :(  what are you up to? 9:36 P.M.

Y/N: watching grey's anatomy, ofc :) 9:40 P.M.

Harry: I already knew that, I didn't even have to ask 😂  9:42 P.M.

As the hours wore on, he could tell you were getting more and more out of it. Every few texts, you would misspell a few more words. 

Harry: What episode are you on? I need a distraction because I'm getting bored here, might fall asleep 😛 11:39 P.M.

Y/N: teh one wit h the shooter :(((  I migth cry because a lot of people die😢  11:39 P.M.

Harry: Don't cry baby! I'll be home soon and then we can cuddle :) 11:40 P.M.

Y/N: suonds g oood 😌 11:42 P.M. Harry: Still up love? 12:23 A.M.

Y/N: yes I m noy goin g to skeep I am st aying awake e 12:25 A.M.

Harry: Are you sure about that? You can go to sleep if you're tired. 12:30 A.M.

Y/N: no im 100%¥ awajr adn readdy tob seey you 12:33 A.M.

Harry: Ok, they said it's going to be about two more hours, think you can make it? 12:36 A.M.

Y/N: i can staay awadke imm no t a chidl 12:41 A.M.

Harry: Alright, talk to you soon️ :) 12:49 A.M.

Harry: We're wrapping up here, maybe 30 more minutes. Still awake? 2:05 A.M.

Y/N: i a m  stlil up  adn wacthing tv a nd wraedu to see yoy soon n 2:15 A.M.

Harry smiled down at his phone. He had absolutely no idea what she was saying, but it was cute nonetheless.

"Ready to run it again?" Sarah asked, pulling him from his thoughts. He sighed, tucking his phone back in his pocket. 

"I think just once more, I'm running out of energy and Y/N's going to be mad." 

"Alright then, let's not keep her waiting. Here we go, from the top!"

Harry: Finally done, heading home now! 2:41 A.M.

Y/N: yra seew yluo snoo 2:47 A.M

Harry chuckled as he started his car. He doubted you would be awake when he got home; he would probably find you passed out on the couch with the TV still on. 

His suspicions were confirmed when he stepped inside. When he looked into the living room, he saw the second thing that make working late not so awful. 

You were sleeping, cuddled up in a blanket while the Grey's Anatomy theme song played softly. He smiled, stepping into the room and flicking off the TV. You stirred when he sat next to you, moving the blanket so it could cover him too. His heart melted when you sleepily shuffled closer to him, resting your head on his chest. 

"Are you awake, love?" He murmured, stroking your hair.

  You groaned, pressing your face into him and inhaling his scent. 

"I've been awake the whole time," You said, voice heavy with sleep. 

"Sure you have," he smiled. "Why don't we go to bed, you'll be more comfortable there." 

"Hmm... ok," you said, finally opening your tired eyes to look at him. "I really was awake." 

"If you say so," He laughed, standing up and holding out his hand to you. You took it, pulling the blanket around you and letting him lead you down the hall. You collapsed onto the bed immediately, pulling him down with you. 

"Can't you at least let me change?" He laughed when you grasped his hand as he tried to pull away.

"Fine, but be fast, I'm tired," you mumbled, reluctantly allowing him to move away. 

He came back after a few minutes, sliding into the bed and cuddling you close to him. He ran a finger across your shoulder, smiling as you sighed in content. He could stay like this forever, just holding you and listening to your even breathing. 

Maybe working late wasn't so bad after all.

[pamgkrthwrites]

Omegaverse Headcannons

Hello everyone! I know it’s been a time. I having some bad writer’s block because of my medication. I’ve been writing some rambles lately to keep those skills but nothing has really come to mind, besides omegaverse brain rot lmao.

This will be divided up into headers based on topic with Omegaverse so if you only want to see a certain thing from my take then you can scroll down to that.

While I am here, I would like to note Omegaverse is not my oringal idea, however everyone does, can and is allowed to have their own take on the inner workings of Omegaverse. This post is my takes mixed from my view of the AU trope and writing I’ve seen from this trope. 

If you feel uncomfortable by M!Preg, that will under the Male Omega section and it’s only briefly mentioned. 

I might add more later if it comes to mind.

Now lets get into this!

Setting

Omegaverse is a AU trope where everyone has a secondary gender that can affect their personality. These is Alpha, Beta and Omega. Population wise, Alpha’s take up 33%, Omega’s 33%, and Beta’s by 34%. We will be diving into what makes them different in their own sections. Just like in our world, people can be born with the incorrect secondary gender. When one is born, doctors can tell by the size of the glands - located on their necks - on what the secondary gender the person will be. People start submitting a scent when they start puberty and will start heats or ruts around this time as well. In this world, periods are not a thing.

Secondary Gender - Alpha

Alpha’s glands are the biggest compared to Omega’s and Beta’s. However when born, Alpha’s usually have flat glands. Throughout puberty their glands will start to swell up. This is a highly noticeable change, it just makes their necks look a bit thicker. Alpha’s have a strong personality type, they can loud, controlling, and dominating. They are meant to supply for their family and protect them. Alpha’s go into ruts for a full 7 day week every 3 months. This can make them more protective of their mate/partner, usually leads to them having the need to breed their mate/partner, and can lead them to have a more destructive. Their scent is the strongest and can be connected to a outdoor activity like a campfire however this still must reflect their overall personality. 

Male Alphas take up 51% of the Alpha population. They are taller then female alphas, male and female betas and male and female omegas. Male Alphas only have male genitalia. They can breed with Female Alphas, Female Betas and Male and Female Omegas.

Female Alpha take up 49% of the Alpha population. They are taller than male and female betas and male and female omegas but shorter then male alphas. Female Alphas have male and female genitalia and have breasts. They can breed with Male and Female Alphas, Male and Female Betas, and Male and Female Omegas.

Secondary Gender - Beta

Beta’s glands are the smallest glands compared to Alpha’s and Omega’s. A beta’s glands when born are small and flat and throughout puberty do not change is size. Beta’s have a helper like personality. People who are beta’s are more likely to help out any Alpha or Omega. Just like Omega’s they will follow any order given out by a Alpha and just like Alpha’s will help out any Omega they is any need of help from danger. They are meant to be the middle rank between Alpha’s and Omega’s, helpers, but also the average person compared to our world. A everyday Joe. Beta’s do not go into ruts or heats. They can help a Alpha’s rut or and a Omega’s heat. Their scent is the weakest and can be connected to work supplies but still needs to be reflective of their personality. 

Male Betas take up 50% of the Beta population. They are smaller than Male and Female Alpha and are taller than Female Betas, and Male and Female Omegas. Male Betas only have male genitalia. They can breed with female Alphas, Female Betas, and Male and Female Omegas.

Female Betas take up 50% of the Beta population. They are smaller than Male and Female Alphas, and Male Betas, and are taller than Male and Female Omegas. Female Betas only have female genitalia and breasts. They can breed with Male and Female Alphas, Male Betas, and Male Omegas.

Secondary Gender - Omega

Omega’s galnds are as long as a Alpha’s but do not swell up just like a Beta’s. When born, doctor’s can identify them as the glands are closed until puberty when the swell open. They do not make the neck look bigger. Omega’s have a weak personality type, they are usually soft spoken, submissive, and caring. They are meant to have children, look after children, and take care of the home.Omega’s go into once a months for 3 to 5 days. This leads them to want to breed with their mate/partner, can make them isolate themselves, and leaves the feeling they are hungry. They scent is weaker than a Alpha’s but stronger than a Beta’s and usually smells like food and/or plants but still has to connect with their personality. Omega’s have a nest. It can be placed anyway within their home and made however the Omega wants. It usually has pillows, blankest and plushies within it’s pile. Omega’s use this nest to calm down their scent and it is recommended a Omega spend 1 hour within their nest.

Male Omegas take up 49% of the Omega population. They are shorter then Alphas and Betas but taller than Female Omegas. Male Omegas have male and female genitalia and can have female breasts for 1 year after giving birth. They can breed with Male and Female Alphas, Male and Female Betas and Female Omegas.

Female Omegas take up 51% of the Omega population. They are shorter than all Alphas, Betas, and males. They only have female genitalia and breasts. They can breed with Male and Females Alpha, and Male Betas and Omegas.

Secondary Gender - Trans Issues

It is not unheard of that one can change their secondary gender. This can be caused by one parent’s scent influencing the scent glands of the unborn child, but this is not the only way. Born Omegas or Betas at birth that transition to Alpha are mocked as “wanna be Alphas”. Alpha and Betas that transition to Omega are mocked as “weaklings among the pack”. Alpha and Omegas that transition to Beta are looked down upon and are seen as social outcasts. Even though rights are there for this people, there is sadly always going to people who think it’s unnatural. These people within Omegaverse are real, and even though I have headcannon on what they get called I have not seen anyone do writings of this nature.

Courting

Courting within Omegaverse culture can be hard depending on the genders but it can be done. Here I will explain how each secondary gender would court another secondary gender. Polygamous Mates are a thing but their courting situation is a private matter which usually involves a lot of talks. It can start with a couple adding one or them all starting at the same time. 

Alpha Courting Alpha can go by two ways. Alpha A can challenge Alpha B and if Alpha A loses ask for help how to train better but if Alpha A wins they can state it was fun, they can help Alpha B, and say they respect them see them as equals. Alphas are usually fights for dominance so if they express they respect them and see each other as equals it shows they have feelings for each other.

Alpha Courting Beta goes by the Alpha offering to help the Beta and express they see them as powerful as a Alpha. Alpha’s are usually asking Beta’s for help and so by them offering them help they are respecting their place. Also by them saying they see them as powerful as a Alpha means they have at the very least been keeping their eye on said Beta which show interest.

Alpha Courting Omega usually takes by the Alpha giving the Omega a hand made gift with their scent on it. It means they put in the effort to do a typical Omega thing and are willing to put in the effort to do something for said Omega. Gifts also have different meanings. A simple card could mean the Alpha does not have funds, time or skill to make them a item but still want to spend time with them. A iteam that cause be used like a basket could mean the Alpha is giving them a gift that even if the Alpha and Omega do not last they can still use the gift. If the Alpha makes the jewelry, it can mean they want the Omega to think about them but also dress them up.

Beta Courting Alpha can be hard but is not impossible. A Beta should never compare the Alpha to the Beta or the Beta to the Alpha as it can send the message they undermine said Alpha. Instead a Beta goes out of their way to spend time with them and will ask for help on some tasks and ask them to hang out with them. This sends the message the Beta thinks of the Alpha highly.

Beta Courting Beta is very simple and reflects our lives. As Betas reflect a normal human the most, and Beta courting Beta situation is going to intake Beta A asking out Beta B. Very simple.

Beta Courting Omega is also very simple. Beta’s have many different ways to court a Omega and all of them can work. It can be as simple as asking them out, making them a gift, asking a Omega for help on sometimes, cooking for the Omega, and asking the Omega to scent something for the Beta.

Omega Courting Alpha is very simple as well. It is usually done by the Omega asking the Alpha to scent something for their nest or make them a charm that reflects their scent.

Omega Courting Beta can offer to make the Beta something, offer to help them with a task, and ask them to scent something for their nest to court their beta of choice.

Omega Courting Omega is probably the most simple and goes along with just how Omega’s court as a whole. They will ask for another Omega to scent something for their nest. If they do mean strictly as friends they can say they trust them a lot as a friend.

Packs

Packs are usually formed by 1 Alpha, sometimes 2 Alpha of different first genders. These packs with have 50-50 on Alphas and Betas and a single Omega. This Omega could be tied to the leader of the Pack via them being mates, or they could be a Pack’s Omega where they have mate marks from everyone within the pack. This is different from Polygamous Mates, it is just the Omega is Polygamous. An Omega in a Pack is usually brought in after the formation of the Pack to make sure no Alphas fight for leader.

Mates

Mates are very simple and are across the board agreed upon but I still wanted to add it in. Mates are formed after years of courting. The two parties bite each other on one of their glands. This will stay as long as they are together. If they were the split up the mark will turn into a scab and soon fall off. 

Omega Depression

Omega Depression can only happen to Omegas. There is no Alpha Depression or Beta Depression. Omega depression can happen if a Omega has not been in their nest for 5 days, if a Alpha hurts them, or if they Mate/Partner cheats on them or dies or hurts them emotionally. Omega Depression cause the Omega’s scent to turn to smell of vinegar mixed with vodka first day, them to start to forget to drink water the day after, and if 5 days go by then their body starts to crash. This can cause the Omega to stop showing affection to their mate/partner. If an Omega does not get help by day 15 to 25 they die. How an Omega can recover from a Omega Depression is going to their nest, spending time and getting scented by their mater/partner or family memeber, going to a Omega Help Center, or worse case, the hospital. 

[iknowyouthinkimbulletproof]

Kiefer- Ashton Irwin

A/N: another 5sos fic! Ashton Irwin x y/n. Y/n’s gender is female for this fic, it just made it easier to write, my apologies to anyone it might upset, but you can always request. Feel free to correct any mistakes! Requested by @witch-harry​: “Could i request ash with prompt 49 (from fluff), and 13(from general) if not then any of the prompts is fine 🥺“.  tags: @calpalirwin​ @suchalonelysunflower​

not my gif!

word count 2539

-

To everyone around them, y/n and ash seemed like the perfect couple. They were never seen apart and anyone that mentioned that possibility would have to deal with Ash. this wasn’t how it always was though. At first Ashton was just a mere thought to y/n. She never met the man, she only ever heard his name from those around her. One specific thing came up every time she heard the man’s name. 

-

“Stay away from him.” Michael said for what felt like the fiftieth time that afternoon.

“C’mon Mike, he can’t be that bad!” y/n wasn’t one to argue with her brother but it seemed that lately they couldn’t stop arguing. It started when Michael was talking about his day at work, like usual, and he happened to mention that his boss needed a translator. 

“Why is this a daily thing with you y/n?” he raised his voice before looking over at his younger sister. It’s not that he didn’t want to spend more time with y/n, which would come with the job considering Mike was Ash’s go to man, he just didn’t want her to get stuck in a world of violence like all of Ashton’s workers. 

“So, what Mike, you just expect me to stay at home all the time?” Y/n spent years stuck at home after their parents died. Michael wanted to keep her safe and away from the dangers that ended their parents' lives and made them orphans, so he had her throw herself into studying. She took a particular interest in languages and Michael never saw an issue with it. Until now. 

This argument lasted hours, all the way through the process of starting, cooking, and eating dinner. At the end, the decision had been made that y/n could meet the man and let y/n “see just how dangerous he really is.”  

The next day, Michael had returned home. He had in fact talked to Ashton about him meeting y/n, like he promised to her he would. The talk he had with Ashton turned unexpected though. Ash had claimed that he didn’t have time to meet her unless it was an official interview for the job. This meant that it wouldn’t matter if y/n had liked him or had proven Michael right, if she got the job she had to commit to it. It was part of Ashton’s rules, never interview to work with me unless you can fully commit. 

Once Michael had shared the news with his younger sibling, he was shocked to see that she did not care. He had hoped that it would’ve shocked some sense into her, maybe even scared her a little. She seemed completely unaffected, it kinda got under his nerves. He shrugged it off, he told himself that there was no point in starting another argument when neither of them even knew if she could get the job. The conversation at dinner that night was short and didn’t involve a lot besides the information y/n had to know before going in for the interview. After dinner, the pair went separate ways.

-

Three days later, y/n was getting ready for her interview when the nerves finally shook her. It wasn’t that she was afraid of Ash, it was more of the possibilities of what could happen if she did get the job. If she messed up, she could be killed. 

Walking beside Michael, she was met by a red door at the end of the hallway with a tall man in front of it. He was gorgeous, he had long curly blond hair and looked like the type of man that turns into a teddy bear once he smiled.  He wore a black suit, like Michael, but he had vertical stripes on his pants that were only slightly noticeable. They made him look taller. Michael smiled at him and went to reach for the door when the man grabbed his wrist. 

“You know the rules Mike, only one guest at a time” the man said, nodding his head to you before gesturing to you to come closer. Michael let out a sigh before taking a few steps back and gently pushing you forward. The man opened the door and stepped aside. Both men watched as you stepped inside. Before she noticed, the door behind y/n shut closed. She took a look around the room, it wasn’t what would be expected. Instead of having a desk in the middle, Ashton had a ‘L’ shaped desk in the corner of the room next to two large windows. The curtains were black, but the view of the lake outside was still visible through them. In Front of the desk was a dark brown leather loveseat, it might’ve not been black like the desk and chair, but it fit the room. The rest of the room contained file cabinets, a pile of duffle bags, and a mirror. y/n walked up to the mirror and straightened her outfit once again. For the interview she decided to wear a sheer black top ,the collar not buttoned, with a lace camisole underneath. For pants she wore a nice pair of black and grey plaid pants, and for shoes a black pair of heels. She turned around and walked towards the couch. She didn’t sit, but she ran her fingers across the back of it and tickled with the gold pendant she wore around her neck. The more she looked the more she realized there was no sign of any personal touches. It was like the office did not belong to anyone. Deciding to sit, she placed herself on the arm of the loveseat and waited. Unbeknownst to her, Ashton was watching her carefully through the camera. His driver, Calum, had informed him that y/n was waiting in his office for the interview. So while Calum drove, Ashton pulled up the live security footage on his phone. He hadn’t planned on watching her for long, he just wanted to know what he would be walking into. She just seemed to captivate him, even through a phone screen. 

Walking towards his office, he noticed a nervous Mike. he shot him a look before nodding at Luke, who stood in front of the door. He walks in and watches as she turns to look at him.

“y/n clifford?” he asks, though it was quite clear she was Michael's sister.

“That’s me. You’re Ashton” for someone who had no idea what he looked like, her sentence came out as a statement rather than a question.

“That’s me.” he smirked at her, looking her up and down. He wasn’t going to hit on her, but it was hard to deny she was gorgeous.

“So, you’re who they warned me about?” she questioned, she wasn’t trying to seem unimpressed, but it seemed as if she was. 

His face contorted as thoughts of people speaking ill of him entered his brain. “What do you mean?” He asked, his voice harsher than before. He walked by her and sat in his chair before motioning her to sit properly on the love seat.

“Nothing personal, i suppose. Though you are the boss of a Mafia.” y/n didn’t move from her spot, instead her eyes drifted to the guns Ashton was placing on the desk. He chuckled, she had a point. Her eyes stayed on his hands as they went to his tie. He loosened it, but once he realized y/n’s eyes were on his hands, he made it a point to tap his fingers on the desk. Peeling her eyes away from his hand, they drifted to his eyes.  “Shall we get started then?

After the interview, y/n was hired on the spot. She filled out some paperwork and it was official.

-

Unfortunately for Ash and Y/n they soon fell for each other. This meant that y/n could be a target. Specifically for Harry styles. He was known to be one of the nicer Mafia bosses, but Ashton had hurt his sister’s feelings and Harry made it a goal to hurt Ashton back. 

Ashton knew the risks of getting emotionally involved with y/n, but he couldn’t help the feelings that he had for her. 

So here he was walking to his office, where he asked y/n to meet with him. It wasn’t unusual for them, it was common for the pair to have a meal together. So common that the chef Ashton has started to bring two plates up for lunch everyday. 

Y/n pushed open the door, seeing as the man (who she grew to know as Luke) was at his lunch break. As she walked in, the chef walked out. The room smelled amazing, the scent familiar put she wasn’t able to pin it down. Ashton walked in behind her and slid his arm around her waist. The two looked at each other, both wearing smiles. The whispered ‘hello’s then Ash kissed the side of her head before leading her to the small table, which he had placed in the room especially for them. Sitting down, y/n fiddled with the ring Ashton gifted her on her birthday. Revealing the food, y/n was surprised to see y/f/m. It's not that Ashton hated the meal, but he wouldn’t be able to eat it everyday like y/n. Sharing glances as they began to eat, Y/n noticed Ashton seemed nervous. It was weird, he was never nervous around her.

“You ok Ash?” y/n questioned. She could see he was hesitant to answer.

It was clear that he was in fact nervous as he stuttered through his response. “Yeah, I just have a question for you.” 

“Shoot!” y/n responded happily. 

He grabbed his drink and took a big sip. He lost all nervousness as he began to talk “I was just wondering if you wanted to go on a date?” y/n laughed, like laugh so hard it hurts your stomach. Ash’s face turned red, neither were sure if it was from embarrassment or anger.

“Ash, you can’t be serious-” y/n cut herself off when she noticed the tight line he had forced his lips into. Changing direction of her question, she spoke again. “We’ve practically been dating since the week you first hired me. I’ve just been waiting for you to make it official.” 

Most of his face went back to normal, his cheeks still red as he blushed. “Why haven’t you?” he reached over and put a strand of hair behind her ears. “Tried to make it official, I mean.” he added.

“It affects you more than me. You’re the boss, maybe you didn’t want people to think you’ve gone soft. Or have a burden of protecting me on your shoulders.” her face burned up, she avoided eye contact by looking down.

“y/n, what are you talking about?” Ashton’s eyebrows frowned. “You’re the only thing that matters to me.” she looked up to see him already looking at her eyes, a smile formed on both their faces. “Plus, i already have that burden. Can’t lose my translator, now can i?” he joked. His cheeks rose to his eyes as he watched her laugh. 

-

It’d been almost two years since then. Their anniversary was coming up and Ashton had left to deal with some business. The business was with Harry, so it made y/n anxious. Mostly because wherever Harry was, Gemma, Harry's sister, was too. it wasn’t usual for Ashton to be away for so long. in fact it wasn’t usual for Ashton to leave home without Y/n, but there’s a first for everything. right?  like the past six days of the week, y/n spent her day cleaning. She had no idea when Ashton would come home, but like the pleaser she was, she had to keep the home he had bought for her spotless. she knew he only spoiled her if she promised to take care of her things. 

as more hours passed y/n grew restless. she read a book, neatened Ashton’s office, took a walk, played cards with Luke (her now personal guard), and even ironed Ashton’s suits for the third time that week. She cooked herself and Luke dinner once she received Ash’s message stating that he was in fact not coming home today.  

Once she had finally managed to drag herself into bed, she stared up at the ceiling and traced the tattoo that dragged itself from her wrist to the side of her thumb. she eventually switched from the tattoo to the (y/f/c) knife that Ash gifted her for their first anniversary. while tracing the tip of the blade for the third time, y/n hear a vibration coming from her bedside table. technically it was Ashton’s bed side table since she currently resided on his side of the bed. she found comfort in the smells his pillows radiated. closing the blade, y/n carefully picks up the phone and to her surprise see’s a text from Michael. When y/n and Ashton became official, Michael was the least excited. As much as he trusted Ash, he knew Ash’s history with Gemma, he didn’t want his little sister’s heart to be broken. 

The message was rushed but practically just stated that he, Ash, and Calum were almost to the house and that Ashton wanted her in the living room. He had a surprise for her.  So y/n got up and dragged her small fluffy blanket before dragging herself down the stairs. With Luke, who stood in front of her bedroom door, following closely behind. Once downstairs, Y/n sat on a loveseat and had Luke sit across from her rather than to stand next to her. They sat in silence for a while before they heard a car pull in. Luke opened the front door, greeting Ashton and Michael before going to help Calum with anything in the car. She watched as Michael assisted Ash with carrying a large crate with a blanket over it. They placed it in front of her and Ash leaned over to press a quick kiss to her lips.

“What is that?” she asked, curiosity getting the better of her. 

“Wow, no hello-” Michael started

“No, you lied and said you wouldn’t be home tonight” she interrupted. Then nodded towards the crate again. Ashton smiled and lifted the blanket to reveal a german shepherd. y/n squealed and jumped up to open the crate. She placed the dog, who was not small to say the least, on her lap. He seemed tired, but he still managed to lick her hand. She noticed the tag. It read “kiefer”. Ash explained how he was left behind by a cop who clearly abused him. Michael adds that this was the reason it took so long to come home. The dog needed to be washed and loved before being handed over to y/n. The night was then spent with y/n obsessing over the animal and Ashton promising that the dog was not her only anniversary gift, and that she would still be spoiled on their special day.

[wickedmilo]

SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM | MILO & CHLOE

PLACE: A dive bar TIMING: 10:49 PM SUMMARY: After realising he has run out of money, Milo approaches Chloe and asks her to pay for his drinks. WRITING PARTNER: @chloeinbetween ​ CONTENT WARNINGS: Addiction, alcohol, references to emotional abuse, drug manipulation (Leanan-Sidhe kiss), chronic illness

There were a lot of things Chloe hadn’t done for years, banned because the only thing allowed to be a detriment to her health was the fae feeding on her. There were a lot of things she wasn’t supposed to do now either, against medical advice or the general opinions of the town on what wasn’t and wasn’t safe. Drinking a glass of whiskey by herself in a bar that was too dingy to have a crowd on a weeknight probably fell into all of the above. Which was why she was doing it. Her fingers drummed against the sticky linoleum of the bar, looking at messages on her phone that she had no plan of answering. Her old messaging app had kept all the old messages from before she’d been taken, so in her worst moments she scrolled through the texts she’d received demanding to know where she was, and why she’d abandoned them. 

It was hardly surprising in pits like this that she didn’t notice the young man sidling up to her curiously. Not until he was much too close. “Can I help you?” Chloe asked, looking him up and down. 

Until very recently, Milo had no reason to concern himself with boundaries. The circles he usually ran in had far more important things to worry about, like who had the drugs, and where they were going to use them. He was too used to stumbling, getting close to strangers, or sharing paraphernalia with people he didn’t recognise. Being forced to avoid people, Humans, was new. A habit he was being forced to form. That didn’t mean his other habits, the ones he had been establishing for years, weren’t demanding his attention though. Which was why he had made his way over to a quiet bar, a bar he knew didn’t often draw in the crowds. As depressing as it was to drink alone in a shadowy corner, that’s exactly how he had been spending his night. Up until the moment he had reached into his pocket for the crushed bills he usually kept there and realised they were no longer present. He shouldn’t be surprised, he had been handing them over for hours. But everybody knew running out of money was anxiety inducing, even when you didn’t have habits to maintain. 

His bank account was empty, that had been the last of it. He wasn’t stupid enough to assume he counted wrong when he had withdrawn the remainder of his funds. And he hadn’t been to work since his official time of death. He could make a run for it, but even in his inebriated state he knew being chased down and potentially tackled by a bartender would only end in said bartender being drained of blood. There didn’t seem to be many options ahead of him. So instead of eyeing the door, he began to eye his fellow patrons. It was very easy to single out the person least likely to punch him in the face, and he pushed himself out of the booth he had been slouching in, getting far too close before he could hold himself back. His limbs felt heavy, his entire body clumsy, and uncoordinated. But he pushed on. “Yeah, actually-” He insisted, a familiar rush of longing creeping up on him as her scent began to permeate the space. Taking a hesitant step back, he swallowed his craving, willing himself to stay where he was. “You can pay for my drinks.” Maybe it wasn’t the smoothest way of asking the woman for money, but his brain wasn’t functioning at full capacity and pathetically, it was the best he could do. Maybe she would take pity on him. “I mean- I’ve probably had the worst fucking month of my life, and I… shit, I mean I have no money. What do you want me to say?”

“Excuse me?” Chloe replied, twisting in her seat to look him over. There was a buzz in her head, but it did nothing to numb the immediate annoyance at his request. If anything, it removed any social insecurity, Chloe was no longer interested in being careful with her words. A fae would be more eloquent than that anyway. She pushed her drink further onto the counter so that she would not knock it, and looked him up and down. There was a loose, chaotic way of his movements, like he didn’t quite know how to hold himself together. He was drunk, drawling, obviously. Her lip curled in disgruntled annoyance. “Why the hell are you at a bar if you haven’t got any money?” Chloe snapped back, looking right back up at him. 

“I really don’t see how that’s anyone’s problem except yours. And the bartender’s. How disrespectful do you need to be to expect something like this from other people?” She rolled her eyes pointedly at him. There was another thought, biting at the corner of her mind, after another moment of looking at him, the sentence slipped out before she could stop herself. “Can’t have been too shitty a month if you still have the capacity to make bad life choices.”

Milo knew the moment the woman turned to face him that she wasn’t about to hand over her credit card. Even if it hadn’t been obvious in her tone, it would have been obvious in the way she was looking at him. Letting out a huff of breath in response to the question, it was a sharp reminder of how important it was to take shallow breaths. He didn’t need the oxygen, and breathing in too deeply was only going to put her in danger. Each intake brought with it a wave of tantalising scent. “I had money.” He countered, an edge to his own voice. “I drank it.” Honestly, he wasn’t sure what he would do if somebody approached him and asked him to pay for their drinks. Maybe in the morning her reaction would feel reasonable, and valid. Right now though, in this moment, it was infuriating. It didn’t make any sense. 

“And it isn’t disrespectful to be a total dick when somebody asks you for help?” He demanded, twisting the situation to frame himself as someone to sympathise with, someone to feel sorry for. He fell silent again, his eyes narrowing as she carefully observed him. Even with so much alcohol in his system, it made him feel vulnerable, and exposed. He didn’t like it. Shifting awkwardly on the spot, he felt a spark of genuine anger when she eventually commented on his life choices. Did he really look that bad? “Oh, yeah?” He snapped. “You’re here drinking alone too, you know? Seems like we’re both making shitty decisions. I’d like to see anybody go through what I’ve been through and not want to drink themselves into oblivion. Haven’t you ever heard of coping mechanisms? Fucking crutches? Maybe I just need a fucking break.”

“Sounds like a you problem,” Chloe replied, matching his edge just as harshly, even though her voice croaked with the effort. There was a way he looked at her that made her skin crawl, like he knew more about her than he should, or that he wanted more than her money. Perhaps what was left of her life, she though, and shook the thought away. He didn’t have the charisma to be like Lydia. He was pitiable. Still a threat, maybe, but under her anger she understood just want this looked like. 

There was a knife edge difference between drinking to cope and drinking to lose herself, and Chloe was terrified of landing the wrong edge of the line. 

Then he opened his mouth again and her sympathy was quashed immediately. “Only if they’re not a dick in asking for it. You didn’t even ask! You demanded. You look young but not too young to know the difference.” If nothing, her barbed comment only seemed to raise his hackles even further, his voice raising. Her hands curled tightly around the edge of the barstool. “I’m not pissing off anyone else though, am I? I don’t think you’re in a place to throw rocks, dude. Oh fuck off, do you really think you have a monopoly on suffering?”

Milo glared at the woman, irritated by the tone she was taking although he had a feeling he might look back on this conversation and feel it was entirely justified. “I’m trying to make it an us problem.” He muttered, thinking of every time Dani had ever called him a smartmouth. “I didn’t ask for shit.” He added, his glare only growing in intensity. Clearly it had been a mistake to approach her. She must have known he was likely going to ask her for money regardless of how she chose to begin their initial interaction, but technically he was being honest. “You asked if you could help me, and I said yes, you could pay for my drinks. If anything, you offered.” 

Noting her voice growing in volume, the last thing he wanted to do was cause a scene. But he also felt as though he had every right to be angry. He hadn’t done anything wrong. “I didn’t come over here to piss you off. I actually have better things to do.” He snapped, running a clumsy hand through his hair as he struggled to reign in his frustration. “You know what? Yeah, I really fucking do have the monopoly on suffering right now. Why do you think I’m even here? I had friends, and a fucking family, and I’m really fucking tired. So forgive me for not realising I was nearly out of cash. And forgive me for thinking that maybe someone might actually take pity on me and offer to help me out. It’s whatever, okay? I’ll fucking go-” 

“I’ll remember next time to be clearer with my sarcasm as you don’t seem to get it. I fucking doubt that,” Chloe snarled back, eyes creased in a frown, back straight. She couldn’t say whether it was the alcohol or the attitude that was giving her a headache, but she was pretty sure he was the problem either way. But somewhere in his furious tirade, Chloe heard the hints of something that… well, nothing justified treating people shittily, but something awful, something Chloe understood a little too well. 

No friends. No family. Alone in a dark place with an unhealthy coping mechanism and a need to drown your thoughts in a buzz. Chloe hadn’t had access to alcohol for the last few years, but… well, there had been something available to take the edge off. Chloe shivered. “Wait.” She said curtly, jaw flexing, unable to believe she was about to say this. Maybe because in the biting harshness of his features she saw snippets of Todd and Sammy, young lost men who had found the wrong source of comfort in their troubled lives. Chloe already knew it was fantastical to think she could fix things, but if there was a kindness to be offered…. On the other hand, he was an asshole who had pissed her off, so she almost let him walk away just to teach him a lesson. “Just this once, okay? So you don’t end up in jail on top of whatever other shit you have going on. Now get the hell out of here.”

“Maybe don’t engage strangers in conversation and you won’t have to.” Milo countered. She had spoken to him first. He wasn’t about to take responsibility for something that wasn’t his fault. He was just turning to leave, his hands balled into fists, when he heard the woman call out to him. Surprised, but too irritated to show any gratitude, he faced her once again, a frown still fixed firmly in place. He hadn’t been expecting her to change her mind, and he was in too bitter a mood to be honest about just how much the gesture meant. Taking the bills she was handing out to him, he was careful to only take the amount he needed, leaving a few of them behind. There were other ways to find money if he became desperate. Right now, it seemed like the very least he could do to acknowledge she was offering him help. Crumpling them in his hand, he sheepishly caught her eye. He knew he should say thank you, but he was stubborn. Too stubborn to admit he might have been unfair to her. So he left, instead. Without saying another word. Maybe one day he might feel guilty about that fact, but it wasn’t as though he was ever going to see her again. Something, he thought, that might very well be for the best.

[smearsyd]

Day Again | Sehun | Part Two

Kim Haru knows loss. She knows what it means to miss someone, to find out what isolation looks like in the flesh. These things, she expects them and she patiently waits for the day she may wake up and greet them as griefs of the past.

What she does not expect, is the same grief reflected back in another’s face. She doesn’t expect to find solace through this person either, nor does she expect to cherish her days with him, rather than wait them away.

characters:

+ oh sehun (exo), you as kim haru (because names are important)

what to expect:

+ christmas + friends to lovers + fluff and romance

warnings:

+ mentions of death, grief + sensitive topics

length:

+ five parts + 30k plus total

read it here: (updating… stay tuned)

+ masterlist + part one + part two + part three 

author’s note:

+ this chapter was very sweet to write, i hope you enjoy ☀️

if you want to be tagged, please reply to the masterlist!

Thanks for dinner last Sunday… I can’t remember if I said that when I was with you so I thought I would message 1:21 AM

Wow I just realized how late it is, I hope these don’t wake you! 1:22 AM

Give me a call when you feel like it… I am here if you need me 1:24 AM

Sleep well, Haru-ya 1:30 AM

I clung the phone to my chest, a yawn creeping through the small smile that had worked its way onto my lips. I had forgotten that I had saved his name as Sehunnie Oppa~ in my contacts with two hearts following, but it was a pleasant surprise to wake up to, nonetheless. It feels like just yesterday that I had been gifted this phone for my sixteenth birthday; Sehun’s number was the first one to go in— right after my brother, of course.

We used to stay up late messaging one another in a three-way group chat that consisted mostly of me sending outrageous photos of myself that I knew would only be used as collateral damage in the future. I sent them anyway, though, just so I could get equally outrageous photos of the boys back. Never once did they fail in making the next worse than the last, nor at making me laugh until I felt like my head would explode or I might pee myself.

The morning light was peeking in through the soft, white curtains and basking the room in its warm yellow tones. The window across my bed has always faced perfectly to the rising sun, not too bright to be a nuisance, but not too soft that I couldn’t enjoy it. I realized with a pang against my chest that this would most likely be the last time I am able to see it; the last time I can stare at these walls and the small nuances that have grown into the roots of this house.

My height inscribed on the closet door of the pantry, as if he had written it only days ago; the small dent in the living room wall from the one time a Wii Remote was chucked across the room; Haru and Oppa written in permanent marker in the bathroom (I had gotten in quite the trouble for that one); everything that made this house so familiar, so filled with memories, I would be leaving behind.

A big part of me was in-denial that I would allow myself to walk away from what this house offers me— all the memories that are not just mine to remember. The even bigger part of me, however, knows that it’s time to make new memories and I can’t do that if I am being suffocated by that in which lost its heartbeat long ago. I know Sehun was right too, Oppa would want me to be happy and he would want me to do what’s best for me, even if it is hard or uncomfortable in the beginning. In the reverse of feeling, he still gives me strength as if he has been here, guiding me along the whole way.

Sehun too, even if he doesn’t know it yet.

           A week? Is that how long it’s been since I last saw him? Even from the short time he was with me, the warming comfort of his arms seemed to have engrained themselves in my memory. That smile too, was it always so bright? I can’t remember anymore, but those feelings he leaves me with, they haven’t changed.

I miss him.

I clicked my phone on, the time stamp reading 8:49 AM— it’s almost nine. Is that too early to call? My finger hovered over his contact in anticipation and I felt as if I were suddenly blooming petals in a sea of butterflies.

What if he is sleeping still? And if I wake him?  

I shook the nervousness from my mind with a calming breath. He told me to call, so why wouldn’t I? I hit the green dial button and waited as the tone rang quietly in the background, placing the phone delicately to my ear. Two long, infinitely long rings passed and somewhere in the middle of them I had curled under the plush comforter, rising it to cover my mouth as if I was a child embarrassed about calling their cru—

“Hello?”

I snapped up, the comforter floating down around me as I quickly whispered back, “Did I wake you?”

Sehun’s breathing halted for only a moment, a light chuckle gracing my ears as it passed. I found that my shoulders relaxed from the soothing sound. “No good morning Oppa? Not even a simple hello?”

I grumbled on the outside, but a wave of heat attacked the rounds of my cheeks, nonetheless. I played it off the best I could.

“Pshhh, who says that anymore? Just answer the question.”

He seemed content with my answer, an audible snort being heard through the phone. “Haru-ya, sleep alludes me even now…” He hummed like a sigh that spoke of giving up— I understood the notion all too well.

I can almost picture the small smile that would be sitting on the bend of his lips, his hand curled around the edge of the phone. I wonder what he has been doing. “Did you get my texts? It’s been awhile since we messaged last.”

I hummed into the phone, fiddling with a loose string of my blanket that was somehow more interesting than it was a second ago. “I read them when I woke up… You know you don’t have to thank me for that kind of stuff.” Another moment of silence passed, but I could feel his steady presence as he listened, as if he knew I called for more than to say that.

“Sehunnie,” I murmured against a gulp of hesitance, “I signed the lease on the new house. I am moving out this weekend.”

It was with this that his breath hitched, stopping completely for a second, or maybe even two, before finally going back to normal. And when he spoke, his voice became somewhat gravely, like perhaps he had been sleeping and was just hiding it up to this point. The thought dipped me in a honey-like feeling of sweetness.

“And you’re alright?”

The question was simple, the answer though? I’m still trying to figure it out myself. “Maybe. I know that it will be hard to leave, but I feel ready, I think.” I settled on what felt safe, what I knew he could understand. “I just have to worry about packing all of this stuff up now. And in two days at that.” My voice filled with slight humor and a short chuckle fell from my lips, but when he didn’t laugh too, I knew he had seen through me.

“You’re packing by yourself?” He questioned, dropping the heavy questions I knew he itched to ask; I was grateful, for I didn’t know how much of that I could handle before deciding it wasn’t worth it. “That seems like a lot to take on with just you.”

“Girls can get things done too, you know.” I grumbled into the phone as a desperate distraction, my eyes burning from the softness of his voice and the pressure of trying to always hold everything in. “It won’t be too hard, just might take me a few more days that a manly tree hauling guy like you.”

Sehun snorted, again, and for a second, it sounded so relieved that whatever tension that had been slowly encroaching into us was banished just as easily as it was formed. “Yah, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Do I?” I teased, pretending not to let on— in which he let out a small groan that I could practically feel in my own chest. I had to hold in indulging giggle from spilling out through the phone. “Go on, repent your sins. Did getting a degree make you feel superior to women?”

Sehun’s groan was even louder this time. “Right, because getting a degree in basically trees makes me feel so confident.”

“Oh wow, so what you’re saying is that Environmental Science isn’t manly enough for you now?”

“Forget it, I’m hanging up.”

“Have a good day Oppa~” I teased, catching the tail end of playfully frustrated chuckles. Then the line went quiet and I was alone once more. The room, though, felt somehow lighter than it did before, as if the house had absorbed some of our laughter and distributed it throughout the space.

I fell back onto the bed and took in the curves of the ceiling, the peaceful silence of the empty rooms, and all of the memories that lived in it. Then I breathed it out.

It’s time.

…

“Finished!” I exclaimed in satisfaction, wrapping the box up tightly and moving it to the side. Five hours later and I have finished… just the kitchen? An exasperated groan escaped my mouth as I took in the whole house that was completely and utterly, untouched.

I slumped against the cooled material of the kitchen counter and rested my eyes shut. A part of me knew that I was only dragging my feet because the kitchen was the only space that wasn’t a danger. In here, it was filled with me. The pots and pans were ones I had bought. The pantry was food that suited my taste. The dishes were only ones I had eaten out of.

The rest of the house, though, was ridden with him— maybe even more so than me. His blanket lay untouched on the back of the couch as a lingering scent. His favorite book was resting, eyes closed, on the coffee table half unread where he had decided to start it once more. The walls formed a skin of pictures he had taken, and he had hung up.

He was everywhere I turned, buried in this house as a sunken display of time’s cruel expression. I was nothing more than encroaching in a mausoleum that was once breathing and ours, rather than mine or his. Uprooting myself, felt like uprooting him.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” I waited.

It was then that the doorbell rang.

I jumped what felt like three feet in the air out of pure surprise, a gush of goosebumps raising the delicate hairs on my arms and neck to a standstill.

“Okay,” I muttered. “I hear you.”

I took a calming breath and collected my shaking fingers as I made my way over to the front door, squeezing through a few boxes on the way. The curtains were cool against my touch, and as I pulled them back, four familiar faces greeted me as if time itself had restarted.

My head, or maybe that was my heart, felt as if it were spinning in excitement, my hands not fast enough to open the latches and throw the thin barrier open between us. And then the door was open, and I was jumping into the gentle embrace of the closest boy towards me.  

“Yixing!” A shocked exclamation spewed from my mouth as he caught me mid Surprise! Strong arms twirled me around like a cashed-in year old hug and something in me felt like I was ten again and being doted on by my brother’s older, handsome friends.

“Your reaction was priceless!” He chuckled with that endearing dimpled smile, setting me down and immediately coming to cup my face between his big palms. “Haru-ya, it’s been too long. When did you get so cute?”

A flurry of emotions ran through me and I felt tears threatening to spill over. “Every time you looked away,” I joked, my voice thick as a single tear fell down my face.

Yixing sent me a small, sympathetic smile, but before he could respond, a playful gasp was heard from behind him and he was suddenly pushed aside. Minseok’s widened, panicking eyes filled my vision as he wiped my tear away, pulling me into his chest with protective arms.

“Oppa,” the tears didn’t seem to stop, even when I willed them too. Minseok still smelled like brewed coffee beans and his usually wispy black hair was freshly cut.

“I missed you too, pumpkin.” He kept me close, his hands soothing against my back. “You can be mad at Oppa for not visiting, but you can’t cry. Your brother would kill us if he knew we made you cry.”

I pulled back, nodding slightly as he brushed my tears away. “I am mad at you,” I huffed like he was the best remedy for a poor sight, his sly lips curling on the ends as he took in my best attempt to be cute.

I shook my head and pushed him aside, feeling like my composure was somehow sliding back in place. That was until I took in the steady gaze of Kyungsoo. His head was turned slightly to the side and the most calming smile was titling his lips up on the corners. My eyes started to water again, and his already round ones became even more rounded.

“No,” he half-threatened. “I’ll walk away right now and not come back for another year if you start again.”

I straightened right away, saluting him as if he were my captain. He let out an endearing grunt before his guard fell away, taking a step forward to wrap me in a hug that was as equally as tight and protective as the two before him.

I eyed Sehun standing shortly behind us, his stormy eyes gazing at the four of us before landing quietly on me. I mouthed a messy thank you, a swell of appreciation filling my heart as he merely shrugged his shoulders before looking down at his feet.

“I can’t believe you are all here,” I gaped, gazing between the four boys, men really, who I had always looked up to. It’s been a year since I have seen all of their faces, and even then, it wasn’t a day that I wanted to remember clearly. The feelings, rather, was what stayed.

“Well,” Minseok quirked his eyebrow at Sehun, “someone practically begged us to come over. And how could I refuse a visit to see you?” A small smirk took over his face as we filed through the front door. I pretended to gag, turning my nose up at him. The boys broke out into a hearty laughter and before Minseok could defend himself, Yixing was smacking his back with a resonating pop.

“The best part is that we bought pizza and plenty of boxes!” Yixing gushed. “Oh, and beer too!”

Sehun lugged all of the food and drinks he bought onto the kitchen counter and the boys instantly dug in as if they were in their own home, which in a way, is true considering how much time they spent here with Sehun and Oppa growing up. A pang went through my heart as I watched them laughing casually and kidding around with one another like they always had.

A space was missing, an important puzzle piece to the picture of five that had been reduced down to a portrait of four, but they managed. Somehow, it seemed that they had all consumed a little of him inside of themselves.

I could see his look of quiet, but kidding, judgement for all of the stupid remarks they would make blooming into Kyungsoo’s eyes. His bright smile and goofy, overly loud laugh morphing into Yixing’s own. His snarky remarks and mischievous antics bubbling out of Minseok. And then in Sehun, it seemed that they had always been one in the same. But when Sehun looks at me, sometimes it feels like he was gifted all the love my brother had, to keep for himself in his heart. Together, I could feel him alive again, living alongside them and laughing like he had never left us.

At some point, Yixing had turned music on and the house filled with their singing and the upbeat pop that seemed to fit their personalities so well. Without a word to me, they started to put boxes together and pack up the things I was not strong enough to.

I watched his name get written on a few boxes by Kyungsoo, everyone stopping briefly to glance before Yixing made some silly joke and then the blanket was folded neatly in there, along with the book and his other items I had failed to put up. With every box they closed tightly shut and placed by the door, the house seemed to sigh in relief.

The air was clearer, and the music was brighter.

The day had somehow escaped us, and all the beer magically disappeared, but we worked hard enough to actually pack everything up into neat boxes in the living room. All except for one room.

Kyungsoo sighed. His face, like everyone else, was flowered red and puffy from the beer. We had been messing around for some time, dancing to the music and reheating cold pizza as if we had finished the job. I think we all knew what we were doing, but it seemed like Kyungsoo was the only one with enough courage to say it.

“We do have to go in there at some point.”

Yixing looked down at his feet, clearing his throat. Minseok too, who was casually hugging me from behind and getting dirty looks from Sehun, pulled me a little closer to him. I knew that it couldn’t be avoided; I didn’t want to avoid it. But there was something unspeakable, a wall of silence, per say, that stood like a translucent barrier of water around his door. That space, for so many reasons, was something I cut myself off to a long time ago to soften the blow of his absence. I could handle the nuances of the house, but his room, that was a different kind of weight that sunk into your skin and pulled the air from your lungs.

Sehun’s stormy gaze fell upon me with a shade of tender grey— his way of asking a question. I nodded silently and then he was opening the door and the barrier was washing away. All of us stood a little taller and the music disappeared from the background as we slowly made our way inside.

It was just as I remembered it, untouched and so, so filled with him. The bed wasn’t made, and the closet was open with a fresh pair of clothes sitting on the edge of his desk as if he was planning on changing into them the next morning.

I felt stuck in place, my body numb as I stared at the bed in trepidation. It was deadly silent then, and even when Yixing sniffed, reaching up to brush his face, I paid no attention. There seemed to be a valley between where I stood and the spot where he last rested, the space growing with every second we stood. My ears were ringing, and my chest was burning right down the center, and I no longer felt that I was breathing or that I even needed to.

Why?

Why did you have to go?

Where did you go?

Where things too hard?

The void I had been staring into became filled then and warm hands enveloped my frozen ones in their own. Sehun. Sehun radiated a yellow orange that penetrated the overbearing black, his bright dawn blotting out what had become blurry and guided me back into focus.

I peeled my eyes from the bed as if they had been stuck to a string of tacky glue, to finally land them on those brooding eyes of his. They drew me in and breathed me out.

“We can do this,” he whispered like a promise, his hand rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hand. “Remember, one day at a time, like you said.

“Just tell me what to do, and well do it together.”

I swallowed it all down and found myself at the top, nodding, nodding to all four of them which had been waiting for my approval. I stepped aside and watched as one by one they entered on their own and swallowed it down too.

Kyungsoo let out a long sigh that had everyone looking at him. He seemed to be doing that quite often today. I tilted my head in question.

“You know…” he started around a small, slowly building heart-shaped smile and nostalgic, wandering eyes. “He would think we are being so stupid right now.”

Yixing picked up Oppa’s guitar and brushed the thin layer of dust that had settled on its strings. “You’re right,” he added. “He would probably say something to the extent of you dumbasses are really going to hesitantly walk in here when every other time you would barge in and fuck everything up!?” He impersonated, his hands going around in circles just like he used to do.

His remark cut the tension in half and all of us let out small chuckles of our own. “You guys really did used to fuck everything up,” I remarked, leaning against the door frame with a shake to my head.

Minseok’s lips thinned as he tried to stop himself from laughing. “Remember when we broke his bed on accident?”

“First of all, there was no ‘we’ in that and secondly, on accident?” Kyungsoo asked in exasperation. “If I recall correctly, which I am positive I am, you were the one who said, ‘I wonder how mad he would get if we broke his bed,’ and then proceeded to catapult yourself onto his already creaky bed until it literally broke in the middle.”

“Look—” Minseok started with that don’t disrespect your Hyung voice, “you can’t talk to me like that.”

Kyungsoo snorted and somehow, we all ended up evolved in laughter. The amusement rang through us and coated the walls in orange and yellow. Maybe we were only laughing to fill the gaping hole, or maybe we truly were happy. Happy to be in here, happy to breath in here after so long.

The boys began packing up the individual things they wanted to hold on to. I let Yixing, who would always come over and make up random songs with Oppa, take his guitar and collection of vintage albums home.

I let Minseok, who Oppa always called to ask what book to read next, sift through his over spilling collection for the ones he always secretly wanted.

I let Kyungsoo, who never failed to buy Oppa a journal so he could figure out his crazy ass mind, take them all back home to read through, or simply have— even the ones that were mere doodles and torn up grocery lists.

I didn’t ask Sehun what he wanted, though. I knew that would be too hard of a question, for I knew he wanted everything, anything, to hold onto. Instead, I squeezed his hand and we entered the room together. We gravitated apart, but that was only natural.

For the next few hours, we cleared his room into five piles. What was left, I had to let go of.

At some point, Kyungsoo had changed into one of Oppa’s old t-shirts and Yixing had passed out on his bed, his mouth gaping open in a picturesque look. Everyone was yawning and on the brink of exhaustion, but we had gotten it done and that was a feat in of itself.

We helped move their boxes into Minseok’s car before Kyungsoo hauled a half asleep and definitely unhelping Yixing into the car, only waking slightly to promise that he would come over when I set my new house up.

“Thanks for everything, I suppose.”

I breathed out into the cool sky, smiling lightly at Minseok and Kyungsoo as they leaned against the car. “You have to visit me every once in a while, okay? No more of this prolonged exile.”

Soo nodded in agreement, pulling me in for a tight hug that was mixed in the comfort of his own presence, but also my brothers. I squeezed him tightly before muttering a lingering goodbye and watching him get in the car.

“Minseokie Oppa,” I whined, not wanting him to leave. He was the only person who could make me act so childish, but sometimes I was thankful for that and I think he was too.

“Aw pumpkin, I know.” He embraced me in his arms, patting my messy hair down. “Oppa loves you and if you ever need anything, you know I am only a phone call away. Although,” he quirked his eyes behind me as he pulled back to whisper in my ear, “I think you’re in good hands.”

He gave me a quick peck on the forehead before stepping into the car.

I somehow ended up leaning against Sehun’s chest as we waved goodbye to the trio, my frame fitting perfectly in his. It wasn’t until they were completely out of sight that we slowly made our way back inside.

We fell down onto the couch in a huff, looking around at the emptied, unrecognizable space before coming to rest our eyes upon one another. Our heads were barely apart and although I felt only moments from falling into what I hoped would be a pleasant dream, those stormy eyes almost willed me to stay just as we are, gazing, truly looking.  

“Thank you,” I murmured, coming a little closer to his warmth. “Thank you for everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me for these things,” he repeated my line from this morning, an upward bend gracing his lips. His hand came up and pushed a lock of hair from my cheek, twisting it lightly around his finger before tucking it away. “I’m here for you, just like I know you are for me. So, when you need help, or you just want someone to talk to, come to me.”

“Only if you come to me too.” I set my stare straight and he took a long breath through his nose, his eyes falling for a second before coming back to mine in a lingering gaze. He always seemed to convey so much in those eyes. He’s not so strong on the inside, I know that even if he wishes I didn’t, but when he looks at me with that light grey of vulnerability, I swear I melt out and into him.

His eyes speak, even when he won’t.

My body moved before I did, naturally pulling him into me as if we had always meant for things to be this way, for it to feel this way with one another. His head sunk into my shoulder and my arms went around his torso, binding us together like satin and silk. I imagine that he was tired of pretending to be okay when his heartbeat slowed to reach the pace of mine, as if conscious that we shared even the deepest of locked away secrets.

I shut my eyes and rested against him until nothing else existed. Not the house, or our friends, not even our bodies, maybe not even our minds. We simply existed, heartbeat and heartbeat.

That was enough.

It felt like a lifetime had passed when I was lifted lightly into his arms and carried away. He set me in the plush bed and brushed a delicate kiss against my forehead. Half asleep, I grabbed his slim fingers in mine.

“Stay.”

And then he was holding me once more, shaping me like molten shatters of the sky to fit into the dawn of his side.

“Always.”

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Tale as Old as Time - Chapter 4

Rami!Prince Adam x Reader

Summary: A prince cursed. A young woman aching for adventure. The classic tale of seeing beauty within.

Word Count: 5.5k

Tag List: @psychosupernatural​, @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @the-moving-finger-writes​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @rose-writes-prose​, @queenlover05​, @26-7-49​, @drowsebaby​, @im-an-adult-ish​, @xviiarez​, @rogerina-owns-me​, @brianssixpence​, @mirkwoodshewolf​, @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​, @queenmylovely​, @queen-paladin​ If you’d like to be added, let me know! There’s only one chapter left!

A/N: Time for the most famous part of the story!

Warning(s): None!

Moodboard

Prologue  Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3

Chapter 4 here we go!!!

In the morning, Rami was true to his word and he retrieved you at nine. Then, you walked together to the garden. He told you that he spent every morning in this place because it always put his mind at ease. That made you question even more.

“Why do they mean so much to you?” you asked. “The roses.”

He reached out for one and delicately touched the petals with the pad of his paw.

“My mother planted them,” he said. 

“Your mother?”

He nodded. “She worked hard at maintaining them because roses were her favorite flowers. She was a bit of a romantic.”

You smiled. “She sounds wonderful.”

“I’m sure your mother is equally wonderful,” he replied.

You looked away sadly and paused, remembering what you could of your own mother.

“She passed away, actually,” you said. “When I was still a little girl.”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “What happened to her?”

“Pregnancy complications,” you told him. “My little brother didn’t survive either.”

“That’s horrible,” he said. “I see now why you’re so close to your father.”

“I see now why him taking a rose upset you so much,” you said. “If he had known, he would never have -”

He held up a hand to stop you. “Don’t. I...it’s done now.”

You nodded. 

You walked together a little further.

“Do you like gardening, Y/N?” Rami asked.

“Oh, yes,” you told him. “I started last year after reading about it. I like to grow things I can turn into something else.”

“So, food?”

“Yes,” you said. “I’ve really enjoyed helping Daisy out.”

“Daisy is a kind soul,” he said. “She’s been a joy to this castle.”

“She told me how you saved her,” you admitted. “It was so...compassionate. It surprised me.”

“Yes, I...I’ve been very bitter about my fate, and I never wanted to burden anyone else with it,” he said. “But Daisy resonated with me.”

“Well, what about the servants that remained after your parents died?” you asked.

“I tried to dismiss them, but they refused,” he explained. “Mrs. Carson insisted I needed looking after since I was still so young.”

“It’s a testament to you that they’re so loyal,” you said.

He looked away bashfully and you smiled to yourself.

“Tell me about you,” he said, facing you again. “About your life in the village.”

“The trouble with talking about my life in the village is that I barely had one,” you said with a sigh. “Every day was the same. Go to town for the day’s needs, come home and fix breakfast, get Papa to take his medicine and see if he needs help with his new invention. Then, spend the afternoon reading.”

“Mrs. Carson did tell me you love books,” he said. 

You nodded. “Yeah. Ever since I was a child, I’ve longed for adventure. To have something magical and unexpected happen. To see far off places. Books were my primary form of travel.”

You both chuckled. 

“My mother loved to read,” Rami said. “She always had something on hand. And she read to me a lot. My father wanted me trained in more sporting things like riding and archery, but mother insisted on my studies as well.”

“She sounds like a wise woman,” you replied. “And a bit like my mother.”

“It’s a shame they never met,” he said sadly. 

“They probably would have been great friends,” you agreed.

A beat passed. The wind blew through the garden, making you shiver. It was a crisp autumn day, but winter would arrive before you knew it.

“Let’s go in,” Rami suggested. “I’ll have Mrs. Carson get a fire going.”

“That sounds lovely,” you said, pulling your shawl tighter around your shoulders.

“There’s something I’d like to show you first,” he said.

You raised a suspicious eyebrow at him as he offered you his paw. Smirking, you took it. He led you inside and toward the dining room. It was too soon for lunch, so your curiosity was piqued.

“Where are we going?” you wondered.

“You’ll see,” Rami replied mischievously. “It’s a surprise!”

You giggled and continued to follow him. You were going around a corner when he suddenly stopped.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed.

“Why?” you returned.

“Just do it!” he insisted with a grin.

You shook your head and obeyed. Rami took a moment to admire your face as you stood there. The sunlight pooling through the window struck it just right and for a moment, it appeared you were glowing.

“Well?” you questioned. “Are we going to continue?”

He shook his head and cleared his throat. “Yes, of course.”

He took your hand again, and he began to slowly lead you down the hall. You couldn’t be sure how much further you traveled with your eyes closed, but it seemed only a few seconds passed before he stopped you again.

He dropped your hand, and you resisted the urge to crack open an eyelid and peek at what he was doing. You squeezed your eyes further shut instead. You heard a metallic click and the rattling of a chain. Then, the creak of rusty door hinges.

“Rami?”

“Just a few more steps, Y/N,” he replied, guiding you forward.

You knew you had entered another room because the smells changed. It was a bit musty, but there was the distinct scent of parchment and leather. 

Even with your eyes closed, you felt the room brighten as some curtains were pushed back and the sun began to warm your skin. A smile began to part your lips.

“Can I open my eyes yet?” you asked eagerly.

“Just one more second,” he told you.

You heard his footsteps come up behind you and his paws fell gently to your shoulders.

“Okay,” he said. “Open.”

You opened your eyes, squinting at first at the brightness, and  then looked around. Your mouth fell open. 

There were books everywhere, on every wall from floor to ceiling. And the ceiling was as tall as a cathedral. Sliding ladders covered whatever height one might need, but there were also staircases up about halfway, with a path going all the way around the room. It was as appealing to you as a Christmas feast, and you couldn’t wait to sink your teeth in.

“Rami, I - I’m speechless!” you cried. “I’ve never seen so many books!”

“This is our library,” he said, a pleased smile on his face. “But I figured it could be your library, if you like it.”

“I love it!” you exclaimed. “You’re really giving it to me?!”

“Of course!” he said. “Friends give each other gifts!”

“Oh, but I could never return the favor!” you said. “This is….Rami, this is the sweetest gift I have ever received. I can’t thank you enough.”

“That smile is all the thanks I need,” he replied. “Besides, it’s I who should be thanking you.”

“What for?” you asked.

“Life was so dark for me before you came here,” he said. He glanced out the window and then back at you. “You brought me sunshine, Y/N.”

You beamed. That made you feel warm and fuzzy from your head to your toes.

“Can we have lunch in here today?” you requested. “Please?”

The look on your face made him realize in that moment that he could never deny you anything. You owned him.

“Whatever you like,” he assured you. “I’ll let Mrs. Carson know.”

You began exploring the shelves and Rami told you the books he’d read, so you pulled a few of those first.

“After I read them, we can talk about them,” you said.

“We can try,” he chuckled. “I haven’t read in so long…”

“We can read it together then,” you said. “And jog your memory.”

“That’s perfect,” he agreed.

Thomas came up and got a fire started in the fireplace. Then Mrs. Carson and Daisy brought up your lunch within the next hour. Daisy was also amazed by the room, since - like you - she had never seen it before.

“Wow!” she gasped. “This must be every book in the world!”

You smiled. “Do you like books, Daisy?”

“I dunno,” she said. “I never learned to read.”

You blinked. “What?”

“No one ever taught me,” she explained. “I learned how to cook and sew and speak, but never reading or writing.”

“Would you like to learn?” you offered. “I can teach you.”

She grinned. “Oh, yes please!” She looked nervously at Rami. “Is that alright, sir? I’ll still do all the cooking, it won’t interfe-”

He held up a hand to stop her. “Of course, Daisy. Take all the time you need.”

“We’ll have our first lesson tonight, after dinner,” you said. 

She giggled. “I’m looking forward to it!”

She practically skipped out of the room. Rami looked over at you.

“That was a kind offer,” he said.

“It’s important for people to know how to read, especially women,” you replied.

“I agree,” he said. 

You smiled at him. “So, what should we read together first? Shakespeare?”

“Goodness, no,” Rami said. “He’s dull.”

“Shakespeare?” you questioned. “Dull?”

“Yes!” he insisted. “Let’s start over here…”

In the coming weeks, you made excellent use of the library. Every morning, after your walk, you settled in for tea and reading. You made things exciting by reading aloud and acting out whatever you could. Mostly, you liked hearing Rami laugh.

In the afternoons, he would take some time to himself, and retreat to the west wing. You remained in the library. You decided to do some research into curses, hoping to find some way to break the one on Rami.

Unfortunately, the queen’s collection had little information on such matters. The books about magic mostly warned against its use and the ones who practiced it. Most solutions to magical incidents were unhelpful. You needed a concrete way to break this spell. But it seemed that Rami’s case was unique. You could find no other record of a similar curse and how it was broken.

After one afternoon of difficult research, you heaved a frustrated sigh and pushed the book away from you. Now that you were spending so much time with Rami, you pitied him all the more for his situation. In fact, you rather liked him. If you were his sunshine, he was your moonlight - soothing and peaceful, with a touch of mystery.

With another defeated sigh, you picked up the book and returned it to the shelf. You got the same hopeless feeling you had when you first arrived at the castle, only it wasn’t for yourself. Rami was a prisoner in this cursed body. And there was no key in sight. 

Tears began to well up in your eyes at the injustice of it. You sniffled, but were unable to stop them from falling down your cheeks. Even the warmth of a crackling fire couldn’t soothe your aching heart.

You looked out the window. Snow was falling gently from the sky, adding onto the already thick blanket on the ground. The snowman you and Rami had built in the courtyard looked rather lonely, but then you watched as Rami appeared and walked over to it. You smiled to yourself when he put a hat and scarf on the head. At the same time, it broke your heart. 

Rami actually had such a tenderness to him. He deserved to be a man again.

A soft knock on the door diverted your attention. Daisy stood in the doorway.

“Y/N?” she asked, brow furrowing. “Are you alright?”

You wiped your face and nodded. “Yes, I’m fine. Just getting sentimental, that’s all. Are you ready for our lesson?”

She brightened and nodded. You sat together beside the window to begin. Daisy was learning fast, but there was still a long way to go. You never realized just how important it was to learn early in life. Though, Daisy told you few girls in her village ever learned to read. Only the rich ones.

It made you grateful for your home. Your town had its issues, but you were able to attend school and choose your own way. That was nice. The thought also made you miss your home terribly.

You and Daisy studied for about an hour when Mrs. Carson came to get her to start dinner. You could tell Daisy was disappointed that her lessons couldn’t be longer, but she never complained. You were just putting the last book away when you heard a hard and sudden thunk against the glass of the window.

Startled, you examined it. Snow was splattered over the glass. You looked out and saw Rami standing several yards away, tossing another snowball up and down in front of him. You opened the window.

“Is that a challenge?” you called out.

“Only if you’re not chicken!” he returned.

You snatched your cloak off the back of your chair and wrapped it around you. Since the library was on the first floor, you climbed right out into the yard. Immediately, you knelt down and packed some snow into a ball.

“You’re on,” you said.

You hurled the snowball directly at him. He turned his back and it exploded across his cape as he laughed. You couldn’t waste any time, so you crouched again to make another. Rami launched the one in his hand, but you ducked, so it collided with the stone of the castle walls.

Mrs. Carson and Daisy returned to the library. Daisy decided she wanted to try something new in the kitchen and test her reading ability by consulting a cookbook for dinner. They were coming to ask you where to find one. They were surprised to find you absent from the room, even though they could hear your voice nearby. Then Mrs. Carson spotted the open window.

Both women went and looked out of it. There you were, down in the snow, wrestling with Rami. Both you and the prince had collapsed into a fit of giggles.

“Well, things have changed between them two!” Daisy laughed.

“Yes, Daisy,” Mrs. Carson agreed. “I think...there may be something there that wasn’t there before.”

“What’s that then?” Daisy wondered.

Mrs. Carson watched as you brushed snowflakes out of the hair around Rami’s face.

“Affection,” she said.

That night, as Anna helped you dress for bed, you accepted the loss of your life in the village. There was a pang in your heart at losing your father, but you found what you were looking for.

“What are you smiling about?” Anna teased as she draped your dress over the chair for your vanity. 

“I’m just happy,” you replied innocently.

“Tell me,” she insisted.

You sighed. “It’s silly since it’s been months, but...I finally feel at home here.”

She smiled. “I’m glad to hear it, Y/N.”

You gave her a quick hug before crawling into bed.

Rami was being helped out of his things by Thomas. The butler had served as butler and valet to the king, and now served Rami the same. As Thomas gathered Rami’s wet clothes from the floor, he noticed that the prince was….humming.

“You’re in a fine mood tonight, sir,” he remarked.

“Things are changing, Thomas,” Rami said. “For the first time since my mother and father died, this palace feels like a home.”

Thomas blinked. “You’re falling for her, aren’t you? Y/N?”

Rami shook the excess water off his fur. “I...I am.”

“Well, that’s great!” Thomas cried. “The spell should be broken!”

Rami’s face fell. “It’s not that simple. She has to love me too, remember?”

“Don’t get discouraged, sir,” Thomas said. “There’s hope.”

“How?” Rami wondered. “You’ve seen her, haven’t you?”

“Of course, she’s a beautiful girl,” Thomas said. “And I think she’s beginning to see you, too, sir. To really see you.”

“You mean, you really think she’s starting to love me?” Rami wondered. “I’m still a beast!”

Thomas shook his head. “No, sir. You have always been a prince.”

A beat passed as Rami tried to gather himself. He had no words to express his gratitude for Thomas in that moment.

“I…” he began, but trailed off, unsure.

“You ought to do something romantic for her to let her know how you feel,” Thomas suggested.

“Like what?” Rami wondered.

“The New Year is coming up,” Thomas said. “Have a ball.”

“A ball?” Rami questioned. “Who would come?”

“Make it a private ball,” Thomas said. “Just the two of you, but get dressed up - you in tails, she in a gown - go all out.”

“You really think that would work?” Rami wondered.

“It can’t hurt to try,” Thomas said. “And you are on a time limit, sir. Now’s the time to take a risk.”

Rami looked over at the rose. Thomas was right, time was running out. The rose was curved over itself as it wilted, and more petals were all around it. He watched as another came off the stem and fluttered down to join the rest.

“You’re right,” Rami said. “It is time to take a risk.”

He straightened up. “Talk to Mrs. Carson. I want the main ballroom cleaned as soon as possible. I’ll help. I’ll need new clothes, so speak to Anna about tailoring some of my father’s old things. And Y/N will need a gown. Let her pick anything she wants from my mother’s collection.”

“Very good, sir!” Thomas praised.

“Oh! And Y/N is to know nothing about it, only that it’s a surprise,” Rami said. “The cleaning, the preparation, is all to be done as quietly as you can.”

“You are truly a romantic, sir,” Thomas said with a grin. “We will have it done.”

“Thank you,” Rami said. Then he swallowed. “For more than just this.”

Thomas nodded with understanding. “We will always take pride in serving you, sir. Good night.”

“Good night, Thomas,” Rami replied.

With that, the butler bowed and left. Rami sank down onto the bed, thinking of you. He really did have hope now. Whether or not you fell for him romantically didn’t matter as much to him. Just to know that he had you as a friend, someone who cared about him that wasn’t a servant or family member, was enough to make him optimistic. Not just that he could be a prince again, but that there was a life for him as he was now.

The new year was in a week. During that time, you noticed that the staff were unusually busy. Mrs. Carson was barely around when you needed her, Anna seemed flustered, and Thomas might as well have vanished. You only saw Daisy during your lessons. Even Rami was spending more time away from you.

“Is something wrong?” you asked him as you went for your daily walk through the garden.

You still took the walks, despite the frigid air. Rami found it refreshing and you thought roses were particularly beautiful in the snow.

“No, why do you ask?” he returned.

“Everyone has been rather...distant,” you explained. “Have I offended the staff?”

“Certainly not, they adore you,” he said. “There’s nothing to worry about, Y/N.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you sure?”

“Believe me, I’m sure,” he chuckled. “Everyone loves you.”

You did not shy away at the word love, so he didn’t regret saying it. Instead, you smiled.

“I love everyone here too,” you said. “That’s why I’m worried.”

“I know it’s odd, but just trust me,” he said. “You haven’t done anything wrong. There’s just...a little more work than usual to be done.”

“Why?” you pressed.

“If I told you, then it wouldn’t be a surprise,” he said.

You rolled your eyes. “Ugh. You and your surprises.”

You glanced over at him and met his gaze, confirming to him that you were teasing. You loved his surprises because they kept your life at the castle interesting. A little adventure. 

The following day, Anna took you to the queen’s old closet. You were astonished by the size of it - it was almost the size of your whole room! - and got a little overwhelmed.

“The master wants you to pick something elegant,” Anna said. “For your surprise.”

“I don’t have much experience with clothes like this,” you admitted. “It all looks elegant to me.”

“I’ll narrow it down for you,” she offered.

She walked toward the back and selected four dresses. Each of them was stunning. The first was emerald green and velvet, and you thought it would be appropriate for the time of year. The second was a deep red, with white lace accents around the collar, which you also thought very wintery. The third was a sapphire blue, with jewels adorning the waistband. Then the fourth one really grabbed your attention. It was golden-yellow, made of satin, with a stunning sweetheart neckline and cap sleeves.

“Which do you like?” Anna asked.

“The yellow one,” you decided. “It’s like sunshine.”

You would never forget the day Rami told you you brought him sunshine. Well, now you’d make it as literal as you could.

“Good choice, Y/N,” she agreed.

“Anna, aren’t these a bit formal?” you asked as she helped you out of your day dress.

You’d need to try on the new dress since the queen was a little taller than you, with slightly broader shoulders, so Anna needed to make adjustments.

“Of course,” she said, looking up at you with a smile. “They’re ball gowns.” 

Your brow furrowed. “Ball gowns?”

“Yes,” she said. “Stay there while I grab a petticoat.”

“Petticoat?!”

When Anna had the dress on you - petticoat and all - you were stunned by your appearance in the mirror. Anna gazed at you as well, and you saw her eyes begin to water.

“Anna!” you cried. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” she sniffled. “You just...you look like a princess.”

You turned back to your reflection. You did look like a princess. You felt like a princess. But you were still yourself. Though this was something you never even imagined in your future, it felt right. You smiled.

“I look beautiful,” you said, half to yourself. “I never thought I could look like this.”

“It’s not just your sweet face, you know,” Anna said. “It’s you.”

You blushed at her words, feeling humbled by their sincerity.

“Thank you,” you said.

She grinned. “Come on. Let’s pick out some shoes and a tiara.”

“Oh, I couldn’t wear one of the queen’s tiaras!” you insisted. “It feels...wrong.”

“Y/N, if she were here, she’d lend them to you herself,” Anna said. “After everything you’ve done for her son -”

She stopped herself. You took her hand.

“Anna, what do you mean?” you questioned.

She shook her head. “I’m just being silly, but you’ve made a change in him. A great one.”

“How so?” you continued.

“It’s difficult to explain,” she said. “But you’ve given him hope.”

You let that sink in. You had given Rami hope? Well, he had given you a new life - a life filled with more than you even thought of. You had your own library for goodness sake! That was always a dream of yours.

“I...I don’t know what to say,” you told her. “I’m glad he’s happier. I’m actually happy too.”

She hugged you. You closed your eyes in her embrace, letting yourself feel and accept her appreciation. It was an odd feeling, but a good one.

“Now,” she said, pulling away. “Shoes and tiara.”

“I really don’t feel like I can wear the tiara,” you said. “I’m not a princess.”

“Very well, if you insist,” she conceded. “At least let me give you this.”

She picked up a comb from the shelf to her right. It was a beautiful hair comb made of gold. It had diamonds and rubies across it, but they were so delicate and dainty they reminded you of freckles. 

“That will be perfect,” you said.

New Year’s Eve arrived, and you were in your room most of the day preparing for your surprise. Anna had tailored the dress to fit like a glove, and it looked impossibly more beautiful. You took some time to walk around in the heels, since you had never worn shoes like that before, but you took to it quickly. Then, Anna and Mrs. Carson showed you the basic waltz steps.

Rami was fidgeting as Thomas helped him dress. The prince had not worn anything new or tailored in many years. He hadn’t been trying to see or impress anyone. But tonight, he wanted very much to impress you. To show you how much he cared for you.

When everything was ready - your hair was done, the dress was on, and the final touches were finished - you walked to the main hall. There, you saw Rami. You beamed. He looked dashing in his suit with tails. It fit him exactly, so you could see his whole form. He stood up straight as you approached, his smile widening with every step you took.

“Welcome, madam, to the New Year’s Ball,” he said when you came to a stop in front of him.

“A ball?!” you gasped. “I’ve never been to a ball before!”

Your cheeks reddened with bashfulness, and Rami saw your concern.

“Don’t worry,” he assured you. “It’s just us two.”

You brightened. He offered his arm and you took it. Carefully but confidently, he escorted you down the stairs and into the room to the left. What you saw took your breath away.

The ballroom looked brand new. The gold and bronze decor gleamed in the low candlelight of the bright chandelier. The floor was waxed and it shined beneath your feet. It all sparkled and glittered, making you feel like you were truly a royal. You had never seen such grandeur in your life.

“Rami!” you cried, stepping forward to take it all in. You spun around to get a proper look. “Oh, it’s beautiful!”

In the corner, sat a string quartet. You shot Rami a questioning look.

“There can’t be a ball without dancing,” he said. 

He nodded to the players, and they began a soft, slow melody. Then, he looked back at you. He lowered himself at the waist, bowing. Then he offered his hand.

“May I have this dance?” he asked.

You blushed. This was like something out of a book you had read. Only, Rami looked quite a bit different from the heroes you were used to. You smiled to yourself because you realized it didn’t matter one bit.

“You may,” you replied. “My prince.”

He rose to his full height again, grinning. You took his hand and he led you out onto the floor. One hand was in Rami’s. The other was on his massive shoulder. His free paw went to your waist. Then, he took that first step. The music crescendoed, and you began to dance.

Your heart swelled with the music and the sway of your body. Rami was a patient and helpful partner, so you felt like you had been waltzing since before you could walk. No step was out of place. You didn’t miss a turn. Your cheeks began to ache from smiling, but you couldn’t feel it. All you knew was the sense of belonging right in Rami’s arms.

Tale as old as time True as it can be Barely even friends Then somebody bends Unexpectedly

Just a little change Small, to say the least Both a little scared Neither one prepared Beauty and the beast

Ever just the same Ever a surprise Ever as before Ever just as sure As the sun will rise

Tale as old as time Tune as old as song Bittersweet and strange Finding you can change Learning you were wrong

Certain as the sun Rising in the East Tale as old as time Song as old as rhyme Beauty and the beast

Tale as old as time Song as old as rhyme Beauty and the beast

You and Rami slowed to a stop as the music faded down. You were out of breath as you looked at each other, each of you enthralled by the other.

“Y/N, I…” he began, but trailed off.

“Could we step outside?” you asked. “It’s suddenly quite warm in here.”

He chuckled. “Sure.”

Taking his arm again, you walked out to the balcony. The night was bitterly cold, and you shivered as the wind hit your warm skin. Rami removed his jacket and wrapped it around you. Together, you walked over to the edge and looked out over the woods. The stars above you looked like jewels across the sky. 

“What were you saying?” you asked.

“Y/N, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind for quite some time now,” he said. “You see, after getting to know you, I…”

“Yes?”

“I want to know if you’re happy here,” he said. “With me. In the palace. I...are you?”

“I am, Rami,” you told him. “Truly, I am. There is one thing, though.”

His heart skipped a beat. “What is it? Whatever you need, I’ll do.”

“I miss my father,” you admitted. “I miss him so much it makes me ache sometimes. If I could just see him and make sure he’s okay, I could…”

Rami’s mind went right to the solution.

“There is a way,” he said. 

Your eyes went wide. “There is?”

“Come with me,” he said.

He led you back to the west wing. You had not returned there since the incident with the robbers out of respect. It felt like a milestone that he was inviting you up this time. You went to his room, where the mysterious rose still stood, only looking worse than the last time you saw it. Rami picked up a gold hand mirror and held it out to you.

“This can show me my father?” you questioned. “I thought it was from the enchantress.”

“It will show you anyone,” he said. “It’s how I found you when you were in the west wing that day. Just tell it who you want to see.”

You were skeptical, but you trusted Rami. So, you held the mirror before you.

“Show me my Papa,” you said hesitantly. “Please.”

The mirror glowed, so brightly you had to look away at first, and then a picture formed. Your father was in his bed. Little crimson stains lined the collar of his shirt. He was white as a sheet and sweat covered his forehead. He coughed violently and you winced as you saw more blood dribble into his beard.

“Papa!” you gasped quietly.

Rami heard the cough and saw your face. His heart began to sink. The situation was dire.

“Oh, Papa,” you sighed, tears welling up in your eyes. “He’s so sick.”

You looked desperately at Rami. He looked back at you. He knew what he had to do, but his heart was hammering fast against his chest in protest. He glanced at the rose and then back at you.

“He needs you,” he said.

Your brow furrowed. “I…”

“It wasn’t a question, Y/N,” he continued. “Your father needs you.”

He took a deep breath. You watched him, holding yours as you waited for what he would say next.

“I release you,” he said. “You’re no longer a prisoner here. Go home and look after your father.”

You blinked at a tear slid down your cheek. “I’m free?”

“You’re free,” he confirmed.

His heart stopped hammering. Now, he felt it breaking. You would leave here and never return.

“Rami, I...I don’t know what to say,” you replied.

“Don’t say anything,” he said. “He needs you. Be with him.”

You took his paw between your hands.

“Thank you,” you said earnestly. “You’re a kind person, Rami.”

He looked away. Mostly because he didn’t want you to see his own emotion. You started to hand the mirror back, but he stopped you.

“Keep it,” he said. “It’s a gift.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I don’t need it anymore.”

A beat passed. You chewed your lip to think of something else to say. But what do you say to the person that you had this unique experience with?

“Take care of yourself, Rami,” you said.

“You too,” he returned.

His paw fell out of your grip and he went to the window. Feeling a terrible sense of dread, you left him there. You hurried to your room so Anna could help you change and pack.

Rami listened to your footsteps die down the hall. Then, Thomas and Mrs. Carson entered.

“Well, sir,” Thomas said. “How did it go?”

“She’s leaving,” Rami replied dully. 

Mrs. Carson gasped. “How could you let her leave?”

“I had no other choice,” Rami answered. “I love her.”

When you were changed and packed, you hurried out to the stables to grab Dotty. You got her ready as quickly as you could with your shaking hands. As you galloped out of the courtyard and away from the castle, you heard a mournful roar echo from the west wing. Rami’s cry. Your heart shattered.

[kayliemusing]

38

1. favorite dessert? - New York Style cheesecake

2. if you could have your hair dyed any color you wanted, which color would you choose? - Probably a super light blonde or a blonde with a pink hue to it.

3. favorite fictional character? - Nesta Archeron from A Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J Maas

4. do you swear a lot? - Not a whole lot, but a lil even tho I want to stop

5. favorite disney film? - There's SO many! I think Mulan might be my favourite, but I also really love Onward, Coco, Soul, and Zootopia!

6. favorite youtube channel? - Game Grumps (also megan batoon!)

7. who's your favorite person on the planet? - my mom, but also taylor swift lol

8. which color do you wear the most? - I think tan or white. I like neutral colors but I do wear some bright colors, but I'm generally into sweaters that are tanned or cream or something like that.

9. do you have any pets? - 2 cats

10. favorite horror film? - Don't have one

11. how many languages can you speak? - 1

12. favorite band? - Of Monsters and Men

13. what's your spirit animal? - I don't actually know.

14. do you prefer to watch movies online or go to the theatre? - Either, but mostly online I think or through netflix

15. show a sample of your handwriting. - n/a

16. have you ever visited another country? - No

17. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? - I don't have any cash in my wallet currently. I think I have like a nickel lol. I have all my money on debit/credit card.

18. do you know how to sing or play an instrument? - No

19. what do you wear to sleep? - Jammies

20. have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? - No but also what the hell

21. when was the last time you cried? - Last week I think

22. do you like ghosts or skeletons better? - Ghosties

23. what food are you usually craving? - Chocolate mostly

24. be honest, do you masturbate? - no

25. what kind of phone do you have? - iphone 11 pro

26. what was the last song you listened to? - Lover by Taylor Swift

27. what's your favorite object in your room? - I really like my lamp because it's scented so when I turn it on my room smells like vanilla

28. do you like claymation or cgi better? - CGI

29. how would you describe your style? - Classy, elegant, a little bit business-casual, a little bit Parisian

30. have you thought about sex in the last 24 hours? - no

31. are you tired right now? - yes

32. favorite sea creature? - Maybe a starfish

33. favorite flower? - I like water lilies

34. would you ever get a tattoo? - Yes, but I think I'm too chicken to go through with it lol

35. what's the riskiest thing you've ever done? - I don't think I've really ever done anything that risky lol

36. which social media site do you use the most? - Tumblr probably. I scroll Instagram probably just as frequently, but I'm usually on tumblr way longer.

37. favorite decade? - I really like 50s aesthetic as well as 80s and 90s

38. are you a feminist? - Yes

39. would you say you sleep too much? - No

40. how many piercings do you have? - None

41. what's the last thing you bought online? - Cinema Secrets brush cleaner from sephora

42. are you an introvert or an extrovert? - Introvert

43. are you underage? - no

44. which fictional character's house would you want to live in? - Probably the house of wind which is technically Nesta and Cassian's house now or Feyre and Rhysand's house (both from the A Court of Thorns and Roses Trilogy/A Court of Silver Flames spin off)

45. what did you dress up as for halloween last year? - I didn't on actual halloween, but I work at Sephora so for the ten days leading up to halloween we have to do certain makeup looks so I did a few looks. My favourite was the barbie theme or the harley quinn look that I did.

46. what's something you want for your birthday? - Jewelry box

47. have you ever skipped a class while in school? - Yes

48. have you ever gone skinny dipping? - No

49. do you ever get zits? - my entire life is just zits.

50. have you ever sent a nude photo? - no

51. are you religious? - Yes

52. what's your ringtone? - It's just the default one on my phone lol

53. would you rather go to a zoo or an aquarium? - Zooooo

54. how tall are you? - 5'2 and a half-ish

55. do you like kids? - I don't hate them but I don't love them either

56. what are some of your pet peeves? - People who drag their feet when they walk so it makes that scuffing noise, Kanye west, when I have my hand out to accept the cash and people put it on the counter instead of my outstretched hand, chewing sounds.

57. would you say you have a popular blog? - no

58. last thing you ate? - Pizza

59. waffles or pancakes? - Pancakes

60. favorite fruit? - Raspberries or pomegranate

61. are you in any physical pain right now? - No

62. what is your gender identity? - She/her

63. shoe size? - 6.5 US women's

64. last concert you went to? - Marianas Trench when I was 15 which was like eight years ago

65. if you could have one superpower, what would it be? - Healing of all kinds

66. could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? - Yes

67. favorite singer? - Taylor Swift

68. how old are you? - 23

69. what's something you know a lot about? - Taylor Swift lol. Also writing (grammar, story structure, sentence structure, etc)

70. which of your tumblr friends have you known the longest? - I don't have tumblr friends lol rip me

71. what color was your hair in 2013? - Blonde, but it was my natural hair so it was kind of a brassy blonde.

72. cake or pie? - I like both, but maybe cake? I feel like i've answered this before and I said pie lol

73. are you a hopeless romantic? - Yes, truly, but I pretend I'm not around my family lol. Call it self preservation or something.

74. would you kiss the person in your icon? - On the cheek, yes

75. what were you doing at 12 in the morning? - Sleepin'

76. can you draw well? - No lol

[homosociallyyours]

@velvet-impala tagged me to answer this long set of questions, and bc I love this sort of thing I’m DOING IT! I’ll tag folks here just in case you don’t want to read thru this whole dang thing. But I wanna say: if you want to do this, PLEASE DO IT and tag me so I can see-- I *love* reading responses to stuff like this. But @la-paritalienne @disgruntledkittenface @and-id-marry-larry @calmrry @crinkle-eyed-boo @lightwoodsmagic -- y’all are tagged :) 

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? black, but what matters most is how smoothly it writes.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? walkable neighborhood in a city. 3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? would love to learn how to hack into billionaire bank accounts without getting caught so i could redistribute their wealth to a variety of mutual aid funds. :)  4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? no, just milk! unless it’s really shitty/bitter coffee, and then i will take it with a couple sugars or sweetened creamer. 

5. What was your favourite book as a child? probably the Anne of Green Gables books  6. Do you prefer baths or showers? showers! i wanna love a bath, but i get bored too fast and i never feel comfortable (where do i put my head? my feet? what do i do when my belly isn’t covered by the water and it gets cold?) so they’re meh. 

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? dryad! i wanna be a tree spirit!

8. Paper or electronic books? paper, i guess. but i do love reading fic electronically, so..

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? used to be my work hoodie. but now i would say this blue striped button down i have OR this one black dress i have with 3/4 sleeves that’s really soft and comfy. 

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? i always meant to start going by Dottie when I got older, but it hasn’t happened yet so it probably won’t by now? but i would never change my name generally speaking. 

more after the cut! 

  11. Who is a mentor to you? i had a co-worker who was really a mentor for me since i got into being a cheesemonger in 2008. he’s been in the industry for a long time and basically recruited me to the job i have/had here. but when i got sick he basically dropped me/hasn’t spoken to me in a long time. let me tell you: it fucking sucks. bc a mentor is a cross between a friend and a colleague and a relative; we jokingly called him my lesbian uncle. and so losing him from my life so completely over something like this is deeply shitty. 

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for?  not now, but before i was sick i would’ve said yes. BUT only bc i think i would be a great Saturday Night Live host (not a cast member! just a one time host with a monologue/skits). So whatever level of fame i needed to get that..

13. Are you a restless sleeper? I have really bad insomnia that means i take at least an hour to fall asleep most nights. Once I’m out, I usually sleep ok, but i do have intense dreams/nightmares that wake me up sometimes. 

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? yeah :/

15. Which element best represents you? earth: the wet dirt and leaves in a forest after rain in particular

16. Who do you want to be closer to? emotionally i’m pretty good i think. physically i wish i could be closer to friends and family in NYC, Seattle area, TN/Atlanta, and Germany

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? the people referenced above. also missing my Grandmomma a lot lately and my mom. 

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. art lessons with my grandmomma. her set of pastels that were all worn down and the heavy paper (black) that she pulled out to work on. she drew a quick portrait of a man, showing me how to create depth in skin tones with blue and green against the softer flesh tones. she didn’t blend it out, the marks all painterly and strong-- her style. i was 10, maybe? 12? so not *early* but it feels like forever ago. 

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? i have no idea? i’ve eaten a lot of weirdish cheeses. i’ve had geoduck? 

20. What are you most thankful for? the amazing friends i’ve gathered into my life along the way, my dad, and my baby dog. 

21. Do you like spicy food? yes, within reason (i don’t get stuff that’s spicy just for the heck of it, like ghost pepper chips or whatever? but when spice is integrated in with other flavors i love it)

22. Have you ever met someone famous? i used to make up stories about meeting famous people that were based on partial truths. i’ve hung out with or met a lot of gay famous people. but the biggest person who comes to mind is Sandra Bernhard. I sold her cheese.  23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? i have over the years. now i sometimes write things down in a paper journal, but mostly go to a really old blogging site where i basically put all my big feelings down in a public but sorta private spot.  

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? depends on my mood.

25. What is your star sign? taurus sun and moon, gemini rising

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? in between...not HARD crunchy, but not soft soggy. 

27. What would you want your legacy to be? would like people to remember that i loved them well and made them feel good/happy when i was around them. and hopefully that it made them feel like being good to others too. 

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? i do, but i’m mostly reading fic these days. i think the thing i read last was Pink Like the Paradise Found, which was FANTASTIC!

29. How do you show someone you love them? i tell them, shower them with physical affection, and do little things for them. also try to remember small details about what they enjoy and then do stuff to make them feel good when they’re down

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? yes, but not too much

31. What are you afraid of? sometimes being along but only when it’s very dark out and i’m in the sads. honestly-- this is some deep internalized ableism but here it is --i’m very afraid of never getting better and not being able to take care of myself or anyone else. 

32. What is your favourite scent? jasmine flowers, pu-er tea, the specific scents of people i love

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? however they’re introduced i guess. maybe because i’m an older person lol

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? i would live in the apartment i had alone (with a guest room). i would hire someone from my community to come help me out sometimes. i would get a weekly grocery delivery from the good quality place. i would have a dog walker. and i would fly home to see my family more than once a year and fly my family out for a visit sometimes. so like. probably the way a lot of ppl live? idk. 

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? ocean

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? get dinner at the thai restaurant down the street a couple times. 

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? yes, lots! 

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? i’m not having kids BUT for the kids in my life, i try to teach them/model the importance of consent and respect for their own bodies as well as other people’s. and i know it said one thing, but alongside that is that i respect and love them for who they are, and that’s something they get to decide. 

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? i want a lot of tattoos, but if i could get one tomorrow it would be a cheese themed tattoo with a variety of cheese knives (parm tools, dutch style knife) and a small cheese assortment. or a portrait of my dog

40. What can you hear now? this kinda dumb netflix show that i decided to binge today even tho it’s only kinda meh and my dog snoring just a little. 

41. Where do you feel the safest? when i’m surrounded by friends. 

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? my stupid money issues prolly

43. Of you could travel back to any era, what would it be? wanna go back to 1977 and live in the girl direction AU i wrote last year, lol.

44. What is your most used emoji? laugh crying emoji or sobbing maybe

45. Describe yourself using one word. colorful

46. What do you regret the most? not sure if this is a thing but i regret not realizing when i got bitten by a tick/got lyme disease the first time, bc maybe i could’ve just taken antibiotics and killed it, and then maybe i wouldn’t be sick? 

47. Last movie you saw? watched the new charlie’s angels the other night

48. Last tv show you watched? this dumb show is called sweet magnolias, and it’s. honestly not terrible! it’s just not my style of show. OH WAIT i take it back, they left it on a really shitty cliffhanger without warning, and that is the one way to make me drop your show/fic HARD unless i like. genuinely love you. so byeeee dumb show, hope you get cancelled

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. saungry: sadness brought on by being hungry, like hangry except oops you’re crying now! example: “fuck i knew i should’ve eaten before calling my best friend, now i miss them and i’m too saungry to figure out what to eat! Guess I’ll have tears for dinner” (almost called it sungry, but the internet thinks that might just mean ‘so hungry’)

did you make it to the end? WOW! devotion. thank you. 

[welshdragonrawr]

For the Valentine's Day asks: 1-5, 7-11, 13-17, 19, 20, 22-27, 29-33, 35, 39, 41-43, 44 (fuck, marry, kill: Amanda, Audrey, Ally), 47-49 pleeeeeeease?? I know I said I wouldn't request a million but I'm a curious bean hehe ;)

Seeing as it is actually Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d finally answer these. Under the cut, because it’s a loooooong post and I didn’t want to overtake peeps’ dash. Well here goes;

(Also, the post format messed up, but I couldn’t be bothered to fix them because this already took ages so they’re just in the order asked and I bolded answers so they stand out)

do you have a crush on anyone? - I do indeed, and I am fairly certain they are well aware of it ;)

what’s your favorite candy? - It changes all the time because I have such a sweet tooth but right now chocolate-wise it’s probably cadbury or kinder chocolate, and actual candy probably haribo (tangfastics to be precise)

favorite love song? - There are too many to choose from or list here but right now it’s probably still ‘Wasteland Baby’ by Hozier, You Are In Love by Taylor Swift, or for entirely cheesy reasons a certain someone might know Hero by Enrique Iglesias 

what was your first kiss like? - Terrible because I didn’t know what I was doing and was with entirely the wrong person at the wrong time and I didn’t know it then

what was your last kiss like? - If it’s the one I’m allowed to think of in this context, pretty damn good ;)

do you prefer poems or love letters? - Both - I can’t decide, because I love anything remotely like that, when someone goes to the length of composing something like either of those because they were thinking of me? Incredible! 

favorite fanfic trope? - Slow-Burn if that counts, with a side order of fake dating or mutual pining, potentially both at once heheh 

have you ever been in love? Mayyyybeeee, maybe I aaaaam, I’ll just have to let you ponder that one ;)

favorite milkshake flavor? - Chocolate brownie, even if I can’t have too much because then it gets sickly but in small quantities? Yesssss! Or cookies&cream in any variation

dinner dates or brunch dates? - This one was tough because I don’t really have any experience with either, but I think Brunch dates, and not just because I would have much much less anxiety about awkward food ordering and stuff, plus I feel like Brunch dates have much less formal expectation about them, and you have the rest of the day after to do more things if you want to!

favorite perfume/cologne?  - Probably the Ghost one that has a bottle shaped like the moon, or Good Girl by Caroline Herrera (the bottle looks like a high heel?)

favorite candle scent? - There’s a seasonal Yankee Candle one they do around Christmas time that I cannot remember the name of for the life of me right now, but it’s just the right kind of sweetness in the air when you have it burning for a lil while? If I ever remember what it is I’ll come back and edit this post haha

what’s your ideal first date? - I’m not really sure, because all types of dates make me nervous especially first dates haha. I’d like to leave it up to the other person to decide what we do, as long as I could treat them in some way with whatever it is/wherever we go? 

favorite love story? - Are we talking classics or fandom or...? What currently springs off the top of my head though is Hades & Persephone - I’m convinced he didn’t ‘steal her’ to be a dick, he stole her away to somewhere cool and calm away from the pressures and terrors of life on the surface so she could catch her breath for a couple months, and can we blame her? And he makes her his Queen, like - if he was gonna be mean, he could have made her his slave, or his concubine or his pet or something, but instead he gave her his whole world to rule with him. Sounds like a better guy than that bastard ol’ Zeus, no? (Historians/Classics students please don’t fight me) 

what’s the most attractive thing a person could wear? - Happiness. Doesn’t matter to me whether you’re wearing a trash bag, or a Chanel dress or your faded ol’ pjs or not a single thread. So long as you’re happy and you’ve got that glow about you and that bright shine in your eyes? Yeah..

snow, rain, or sun? -  I love all three for different reasons (I’m indecisive, don’t judge me, or do) give me a snow day with my dog or my lover with hot chocolate and snowmen and flurries out the window, or an afternoon reading inside while it rains with blankets and a cup of tea, or a sunny afternoon walk with just the right amount of cool breeze to keep it balmy but bright? Yes please. But again, if I had to choose, probably rain... Because I live in England for one thing, but there’s something so comforting about the rain.

sweetest romantic memory? - My partner at the time took me to a second-hand bookshop and let me browse the stacked shelves as long as I liked, and I found a hardback copy of a book by a fave author but it was too expensive so just admired it and put it back, then when my birthday rolled around 2 weeks later, they turned up with that same book they had gone back for without telling me as a surprise gift

fictional crushes? - Cordelia Goode, Theo Crain, Mildred Ratched, I could keep listing but that means we’d be here forever and if you’ve been following me long enough you probably already know anyway...

what’s your dream wedding like? - This would need a whole post on its own to answer if I could actually be decisive and sit down with some thought over it. But alas... I don’t really know, I’d like things to be somewhat fancy and romantic, but I’d also like for it not to feel all stuffy and super serious like, that everyone can have fun and be a little goofy and a little merry and not have to worry about oh am I doing this certain thing right or feeling all self-conscious while dancing. So I’m not really sure how to narrow it down into specific details or events...? Except, there’s a really dumb nerdy part of me that wants to be able to do the cake slicing with a sword rather than a knife. Because reasons. 

what makes you blush? - Too much. Usually compliments. 

do you believe in love at first sight? - I believe in *attraction* at first sight, and *affection* you find or work for later. 

do you believe in soulmates? - Yeah, but I also believe a soulmate doesn’t have to be someone you’re in love with or a romantic partner, a soulmate can just as easily be a friend you keep on keeping on through this silly little game of life with, y’know? You’ve both been dealt shitty hands, but you’d be willing to share each others cards to get through, and some other cheesy af analogies...

denim jackets, leather jackets, or bomber jackets? - Leather jackets, tho technically I have worn and do wear all three so - I hoard jackets like some people hoard shoes and handbags, it’s a problem

are you single? - if you know you know, and that’s the that on that ;)

do you prefer to charm, or be charmed? - Both? I love to see the look on a partners face when they’re charmed, all blushing and cute and sparkly eyes and big smiles - I think I like to be charmed too but I would also get suuuuper awkward and not sure what to do with it or in response to it because I’m not used to being on the receiving end of attention like that?

guitar or piano? - I love both, and girls who can play either/both are heavensent sirens who can have me under their spell for hours (I think it’s the hand thing again, see?) but if I had to choose it would have to be Piano.

favorite romcom (or any romantic movie)? - Um... Does Love & Other Drugs count? Or Imagine Me And You - I’m not big on too many ‘traditional’ rom-coms because they make me cringe way too often, and often not in a good way, but there’s sometimes the odd one I enjoy! (Though I must admit, being British, Bridget Jones and Love Actually are like, historical treasures so...)

do you fall in love easily? - Nope. I mean, do I love people easily? Yeah I try to give the best of myself to the people I cherish as much as possible. But do I *fall in love* easily? Nah, takes a while before this oblivious lil heart realises it.

would you prefer to propose or be proposed to? what’s your dream proposal? - Oh gosh, honestly, I don’t know... I’m one of those people that *love* to do anything and everything to bring a smile to my partner’s face and make them happy and there’s just something so magical about seeing their face light up and their eyes sparkle, y’know? So I feel like I would want to do that by giving them the perfect proposal for them (but on the flipside this means I would also be incredibly *terrified* of ever doing it remotely wrong/not exactly how they wanted it, or getting the wrong kind of ring or all of that plethora of details and minutiae that could be messed up ahha). But also, I kinda wouldn’t mind being proposed to either? Like I’m so used to taking care of other people, it might be nice, at the risk of sounding like a bad pokemon promo. to have that validation of someone else saying ‘I choose you’ y’know? As for dream proposal, much like dream wedding, I’m not entirely sure? As long as it’s memorable and with the one I love? (Which is such a cop-out answer) I honestly don’t know, I’ve never really thought about it, probably because I never really thought it was happen so I figured why think about something that’s never gonna happen ahhah. Somewhere picturesque I guess? So I could really capture the picture in my mind for the rest of my lifen, not like for a social media photo post or any of that shit but just for myself to look back on, if any of that essay ramble makes any sense. 

kittens or puppies? - How DARE- Nope. It’s both. I’m sorry but it’s both. They are both adorable AF and I will love and pet and cherish them all. 

favorite soda? - Cola I guess? And don’t try to rope me into the Pepsi V Coke thing, because honestly I like both for different reasons and choosing one over the other seems silly when either of them tastes good if you’ve got enough whiskey or rum in them ;) 

do you prefer gazing wistfully out the window or lying dramatically over the sofa? - I rather like doing both tbf, but if I’m gonna be honest, give me ‘cosied up under a blanket, with a mug of hot tea/coffee gazing wistfully out the window at whatever weather is going on outside, any day.

favorite ABBA song? - How dare you - umm... Slipping Through My Fingers or The Winner Takes It All because I am at heart a soppy dramatic fool.

fuck/marry/kill? (anons name 3 people of your choice) - You meanie, how dare you make me decide such a thing. Buuuut Fuck Ally (cuz you just *know* that canon wlw got some mooooves), Marry Amanda (because she seems like someone I could get along with in all the day to day stuff y’know? Like, I could settle down with her, you feel me?) and don’t hate me but you asked the question but Kill Audrey (*runs and hides*)

do you think about love a lot? - Yeah, I think so, in all its different incarnations. As a writer I’m kinda obligated to? But I think I think about it even when I’m not super aware of it or the reasons for or why. 

a walk in the park or a walk on the beach? - It’s a tough once because I love it when the light filters *just so* through trees and looks so pretty, but the beach has the lapping waves and soft sand to walk on and pretty colours at sunsets and sharing ice creams/chips/doughnuts/pretzels and- Yeah so beach probably.

hand kisses or nose kisses? - Hand kisses, fo’sho, because haaaands