#it reminded me of Texas's armadillo
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"How long have you had this planned?" "Since the moment I fell in love with you."
(For MacDalton)
[two things: one, this is like the first time I've written them in over three months so I apologize if I'm a bit rusty and two: I just straight up invented a new music venue for the sake of plot. I hope you enjoy Nade!!!]
If there’s one thing Jack’s learned in all of his years of knowing Angus Macgyver, it’s that for certain anniversaries; be it birthdays, deathdays, randomly constituted holidays mostly created on Jack’s behalf such as Bruce Willis’ birthday or the day Die Hard premiered in theaters, it’s that Mac is very...picky when it comes to his sentiments.
He loves a good party, sure, but doesn’t necessarily enjoy birthdays—at least his own, because he still always puts forth effort for others’ to ensure they have a good time.
He believes in Santa Claus, with what he thinks is irrefutable scientific proof, but doesn't believe in the other innocent childish entities such as the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny, agreeing with Jack that the Tooth Fairy is nothing more than a unwanted home invader in the form of a lying parent and the Easter Bunny is just downright made to terrify children with mall photos.
Hell, he at times even downplays the importance of Cairo Day, willing to work instead of lazing around the deck with a six pack and bags of takeout delivered by Jack himself—and while there really was an emergency this time around that left both of them bruised and battered and shaken with the sight of a gutshot Bozer, it ended up being the perfectly bided time for something he’s had planned for, well...for a long while, now.
That, and he’ll be able to kill two birds with one stone, embarking on a road trip to find a long lost father that he already knew Jack would join him on before he even said a single word, and in turn take Jack on a trip he never quite expected to have. One without any hiccups, not even an improvisation. Perfectly planned and tailored to the man he both owes his life to, and wants to devote his life to.
He asks Jack to take a pit stop on their cross-country road trip—immediately dispelling Jack’s insistence of hitting up the casinos in Vegas with teasing argument that he’d lose all of their money for food and gas no matter how many times Jack explains that he knows the “system,” but once their banter fades back into the comfortable silence, he directs Jack past the state of Nevada and into the southerner’s own home state—the Lonestar state.
“Texas? You really think Daddy Mac might be hiding in a hole in Texas?”
Mac shrugs coyly and Jack grins.
“Don’t matter anyhow, been wantin’ to take you back down here anyway. Mama’s missed having a scrawny kid to cook for,” Jack teases with a wink.
“Well good, cause we gotta swing by your casa and pick somethin’ up real quick,” Mac puts on a faithful imitation of the Texan’s accent, and Jack beams.
“Going native, huh, hoss? What do we gotta pick up?”
“Your guitar.”
“My guitar?” Jack’s eyes narrow behind the large yellow lens of his aviators and gives up trying to ask why because Mac keeps his lips sealed.
They just keep driving instead, down a long country road with the appropriate tunes to accompany this feeling; Mac’s hair flowing in the wind, Jack casually driving with one hand on the wheel and the other on Mac’s knee, a wide grin on both of their faces as they watch the sun set and the beautiful unseen stars in the sky rise out to greet them.
And a robot in the backseat, but he’s smart enough to know when to stay quiet and just enjoy the moment.
They make it to Jack’s home, an intended short visit turns into almost an entire day and while Mac is never the one to make excuses to leave, he tries to come up with as many as he can to make it to their destination on time.
Fortunately, he also got Mama Dalton and Jack’s sister in on it too, which does make it just a little easier and Mac promises that they’ll come back on the way home after nearly having to drag Jack out of the beloved ranch home.
He won’t be so grumpy once he sees what I got planned, Mac has to remind himself, because his light layer of deception does hurt him as much as it hurts Jack.
Another reason he wasn’t a fan of the “surprise” element of having a birthday. There’s an almost malicious level of teasing to making sure the birthday boy or girl doesn’t suspect a thing.
But he knows Jack, and knows he has to be suspecting something, evident by his sudden bitterness in their usually laid back banter.
“You’re just getting tired of driving is all,” Mac tries to reason with him.
“Me? I ain’t tired. You’re the one who’s tired, want me to tuck you in the back?” Jack sneers.
“How am I supposed to give you directions then?”
“I got Spanky back there—”
“Sparky.”
“Whatever. And where is it that we’re going anyway, Mac?”
“Up there,” Mac smiles when he sees the building in the distance, the GPS on his phone indicating they’re only mere minutes away.
“Wuh—No. No!” Jack gapes and Mac burst out in glee. “What are we doing at the Armadillo II?”
The Armadillo II, being a freshly renovated bar and music hall was built as an homage to the Amradillo World Headquarters, which Jack often talked about having gone to as a young kid, wishing it had lasted longer before being turned into an office building—something he often compared to the transition of childhood to adulthood itself.
“Beer and music, what else would you do?”
“Yeah, but I mean, how does this relate to…”
“It doesn’t. It’s just for you. For us,” Mac grips Jack’s hand and gently kisses him on the cheek. “Making up for Cairo Day.”
“Aw, gee, Mac,” Jack’s eyes are glistening, his teeth shining under the bright moonlight in the brightest smile. “You shouldn’t have!”
They’re greeted by a bouncer who holds up a hand to Jack’s chest as he was ready to strut his way in.
“Tickets,” the bouncer grunts.
“Ah, damn, don’t have ‘em on me, but I know the owner—” Jack starts to ramble, ready to sneak their way in but surprisingly, Mac has two ticket stubs.
“Where’d you get those?”
“From my pocket,” Mac says simply and pushes Jack into the building.
“Ladies and gentlemen, the concert will begin in fifteen minutes, please fill you drinks and take your seats!”
“Concert, what concert?” Jack shouts as he takes in the room, taking the chair closest to the door at the table that Mac directs them to.
“See that banner?” Mac nods up to the stage.
Willie Nelson.
Jack knew of course, that Willie Nelson would occasionally come out for a concert or two, usually to fundraise for his acts of activism—and even if he couldn’t attend he’d always try to send some money for the cause, but never, and he really means never in his right mind did he ever think this would happen.
“I love you, Mac,” Jack breathes, and the concert begins.
A few songs in, Willie slows down to a gentle strum on his guitar, and the lights dim to match an intimate, romantic atmosphere.
“Now, this next song is called ‘A Song for You,’ although, it is my honor to make a slight alteration to the title for one of our country’s greatest unsung heroes. A guy with a name that sounds like it’d be on the menu at Carl’s Junior came up to me on the street the other day—”
The crowd laughs at the name joke, and so does Mac but Jack’s jaw is hung open, no sound coming out which makes Mac laugh even harder because he knows it’s all coming together.
“He told me his story, their story and well, now it’s my turn to tell y’all that story too. This here is a song for you, Jack Dalton.”
“No. Fucking. Way!” Jack breathlessly gasps, his fingers shaking, his eyes watery and red. Mac puts his hand on Jack’s knee, and Jack sandwiches it with his own. It’s not until the song is over that he’s able to speak again, wiping the tears from his eyes as the crowd applauds.
“When the hell didja manage to talk to Willie Nelson?”
“On my way back from Siberia. Made a pit stop.”
“And now, it’s my greatest pleasure to welcome onto the stage, the man himself—”
“Mac…” Jack starts slapping, clawing at Mac is if to bring him back to life because this sure as hell feels like he’s died and gone to heaven—though he knows, and Mac knows, that will never happen.
Jack Dalton will never die.
And even if he did, he’d never go into that light without Mac by his side, and because of that, because they’re alive, they both feel unstoppable, almost youthfully immortal in that sense—if they were going to die, they would have kicked the bucket by now, surely.
“Come on up here, Jack!” Willie calls and Jack just cannot believe it, especially not when that same bouncer comes up behind him holding his own guitar that he had stashed away in the back of his GTO.
“How long have you been planning this?” Jack asks wildly as he rises from his seat.
“Since the moment I fell in love with you,” Mac replies, and rises with him, sending him to the stage after a good luck kiss. “Which was basically when you played Willie Nelson every day in the Sandbox.”
#nade2308#macdalton#macgyver fic#angus macgyver#jack dalton#mk.fic#i even went and rewatched some bits to make sure i got their voices right#i miss jack so much#mk.op#i also never thought i'd write mac fic again so this was a pleasant surprise for me too
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Hey Arkayna, Zarya, Piper and Em, what do you think of my DigiMysticons series and the following Digimon I paired you with?
Armadillomon (voiced by Jeff Bergman) - Arkayna's partner Digimon. He is very obedient to Arkayna and enjoys playing with his friends. Armadillomon speaks in a Texas accent and leads the Digimon half of the DigiMysticons. He keeps many items inside of his shell, including scissors, makeup products for the girls and a signed autograph of a famous armadillo named Amy Armadillo.
Gatomon (voiced by Bryn McAuley) - Zarya's partner Digimon. She is loyal to Zarya, but can get pretty aggressive when angered. Although she is mostly seen sleeping, Gatomon can also be seen playing with her tail ring.
Biyomon (voiced by Cree Summer) - Piper's partner Digimon. She is optimistic, energetic and fun-loving like her tamer, but knows when to get serious.
Shoutmon (voiced by Zachary Bennett) - Emerald's partner Digimon. He is very friendly and courageous, but can get pretty aggressive and hot-headed. Shoutmon has a fond of food like Emerald and always carries some in his pouch just in case.
ARKAYNA: I really like Armadillomon as a partner. I especially like how he’s always prepared.
ZARYA: Gatomon’s pretty cool, and I guess we both have a bit of a temper.
PIPER: I love Biyomon! She does remind me to focus sometimes, but only when I should be serious.
EM: I like how brave and friendly he is, but he can be hot—headed. Still, we get along well, and he does remind me to stand up for myself.
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Out in my threads today. God gave us a nice day but a bit on the cool side so I suited up to enjoy some sunshine. Mom calls me her “little purple turtle.” She says I look like a turtle walking around the yard hunched over in my lovely purple outfit…
I think maybe it’s a bit more like an armadillo; it is Texas after all.
Just out here watching the mules and donkeys and hangin’ with my feline BFF Gabby. I know people say we can’t get along but God says we can and Gabs
and I do every day, and so do the mules and donkeys and I. I think everyone should be my friend, and I try to make friends with every animal I see; I have no fear of them. I like them all. I especially love the baby donkey Belle. Her and I get along grrrreat!!! She’s so cute!
Just a reminder: selection of the TOP 5 DOGS is tomorrow 3/10. Then it’s on to the QUARTERFINALS. I think Mom said SEMIs but that’s AFTER the QUARTERS.
In order to make the QUARTERFINALS I have to be in the TOP SPOT to ADVANCE. Right now I am in 2nd PLACE so I need VOTES, VOTES, VOTES to get me in the
QUARTERFINALS, SEMIS and the ultimate goal…the FINALS.
VOTE DAILY TO SEND ME TO THE FINALS!
PLEASE VOTE AND SHARE DAILY!!!
1 FREE FACEBOOK VOTE PER DAY
VOTING LINK IS
http://americasfavpet.com/2022/panda-2d09
A sincere thanks to everyone who is and has been voting and hanging in with us through this process. So thankful that you appreciate my silly, crazy, lovable little Panda. She lights up my life EVERY single day. She is such a character.
GO GO PANDA 😘
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This reminds me of Tex le Tatou (armadillo), the mascot and main character of the French textbooks made by the University of Texas. Iconique, really.
please look at this graffiti my sister saw in paris
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The degenerate’s guide to 2017 college football TV watch ‘em ups: week 5
Schedules are getting a little better this week as we get into conference schedules and the Florida teams get back to normal.
I see some pretty strong matchups but the early kick games look kind of bad. Having USC/Washington State and Miami/Duke both playing Friday night in a TV doubleheader seems weird. Could have pushed the ACC game to Saturday morning and nobody would have been the wiser. I guess TV contracts don’t work that way, though, so here we are with this schedule. I feel the need to italicize that there are some strong matchups. It’s not a great week overall.
Times are, as per usual, Eastern and stolen from FBSchedules. All gambling advice is fully backed by RTARL’s “don’t ever ask us for shit” guarantee and comes with all requisite warnings that you are a dummy if you listen to me about anything ever.
Saturday, Sept. 30, 2017
Matchup Time (ET) TV
Houston at Temple Noon ESPNU
I was caught completely off guard by Coach Ryan Gosling limiting Ed Oliver’s effectiveness last week but those things happen. When Khalil Mack was in college there were games where he was worked around by some truly awful teams and he was playing as an off the ball linebacker. Oliver should be back to normal this week.
Maryland at Minnesota Noon FS1
I can’t imagine looking forward to seeing this game.
New Mexico State at Arkansas Noon SECN
This is a body count game for a middling SEC team and it’s still better than the B1G’s in-conference offering on FS1.
North Carolina at Georgia Tech Noon ESPN2
Matchup of two very interesting coaches but also two not very interesting rosters. Could be a fun watch ‘em up but I won’t call it a “good” game.
Northwestern at (10) Wisconsin Noon ABC
Among the many things I can’t really explain about my college football fandom is a strong dislike of Northwestern football. Like I’m rooting for Jonathan Taylor to extract blood early and often in this game and I don’t really understand why.
Rice at Pittsburgh Noon RSN/ESPNCE
It just occurred to me right now that it’s really weird for Pitt to be insanely week in the defensive backfield. I know it’s only his second year there but isn’t Pat Narduzzi supposed to be sort of a scheme wizard on that side of the ball? Pitt has looked so bad so far that this game might not even be a gimme.
(18) USF at East Carolina Noon CBSSN
ECU isn’t very good this year. They never should have fired Ruffin McNeill. USF looks like they’re getting better every week so this could be a nice bloodbath.
Vanderbilt at (21) Florida Noon ESPN
Florida could really lose to Vanderbilt in the Swamp and I wonder if even having two straight division titles is enough to save Jim McElwain if that happens.
Syracuse at NC State 12:20 pm ACCN/ESPNCE
The ACC might be the best conference in the country top-to-bottom and they can still put up clunkers like this. Strength against whatever the strongest thing you can say about Syracuse is with NC State’s pass defense going against the Orangemen’s pass heavy offensive concepts. This should be pretty ugly.
Central Michigan at Boston College 1:00 pm ACCNExtra
Harold Landry reminds me of former BC star Mathias Kiawnuka for all of the good and the bad that might imply.
Baylor at Kansas State 3:30 pm ESPN2
With Kansas State looking above average this year they should be able to beat Baylor by at least 30.
Buffalo at Kent State 3:30 pm ESPN3
Florida State at Wake Forest 3:30 pm ABC
Undefeated Wake Forest at home against winless Florida State. This will never be true again unless they play each other in a season opener.
(7) Georgia at Tennessee 3:30 pm CBS
If I understand anything about these two programs Tennessee is going to win this game on a Hail Mary after getting down by 30 points in the first half.
Indiana at (4) Penn State 3:30 pm BTN
Saquon Barkley is gonna get like 8 carries, Penn State is going to pull away in the third quarter to win by maybe 20. This looks like torture to me.
Murray State at (17) Louisville 3:30 pm RSN
These stats shouldn’t count for Louisville unless they are bad.
Navy at Tulsa 3:30 pm ESPNU
Navy playing a game on an ESPN feed seems sort of wrong to me. Other than playing Notre Dame on NBC they pretty much only ever play on CBS/CBSSN. Zach Abey has been pretty good this year (not up to his hype level from before last season yet) but Navy’s defense is pretty bad. Every game is an adventure with these guys. Tulsa has been terrible this year but they can score a lot.
Ohio at UMass 3:30 pm 11 Sports
This is one of the worst possible games this season and Ohio will somehow beat UMass on the road by more than Tennessee beat UMass at home.
UTEP at Army 3:30 pm CBSSN
Last year was supposed to be a step forward for Army’s program but they’ve kind of sucked so far in 2017. This is not an attractive matchup even for a gutter palate like mine.
Arizona State at Stanford 4:00 pm Pac-12N
How does Stanford keep roping me in with one single player to watch year after year while putting together an offensive system that is dependent on making everybody fall asleep? Bryce Love should go off against ASU and Kalen Ballage should continue to do absolutely nothing against Stanford so pretty much expect both of these teams to look exactly how they have looked for the past four weeks. Stanford will win in a rout, 27-16.
Eastern Michigan at Kentucky 4:00 pm SECN
Kentucky lost to an inferior opponent last week so we’ll see how they bounce back against a relatively tough Eastern Michigan team
Iowa at Michigan State 4:00 pm FOX
Iowa missed a huge opportunity last week at home against Penn State so they might be in a bad mental space against Sparty. That’s Michigan State’s best bet because they look just as bad in 2017 as they did in 2016.
Texas State at Wyoming 4:00 pm Stadium
The Josh Allen “I’m not actually good enough to play in the NFL” tour continues with a visit from Scott Bakula and the Armadillos.
UConn at SMU 4:00 pm ESPNews
UConn football is consistent with two things: being bad and having good defensive backs. That’s all I can think of for a recommendation here. Courtland Sutton could have a tough week but SMU should win. UConn is legit one of the worst teams in the country right now.
Miami, OH at (22) Notre Dame 5:00 pm NBCSN
I’m sure there’s a way to look this up quickly but I’m not gonna be the one to do it - how many times has a team played Miami (OH) and Miami (FL) in the same season? Notre Dame is doing it this year. I hope they lose both but last year’s bad luck doesn’t seem to have carried over to this year.
Akron at Bowling Green 6:00 pm ESPN3
Technically speaking this is a football game so enjoy it you fucking weirdos who watch bullshit MACtion.
(24) Mississippi State at (13) Auburn 6:00 pm ESPN
I still think of Malzahn as the better schemer between these two but I’m not 100% about that anymore. I think Auburn will probably roll the Bulldogs here.
Air Force at New Mexico 7:00 pm CBSSN
I’m low key enjoying Air Force football this year. This is the kind of trash game that typifies my ideal of Degenerate Football.
Ball State at Western Michigan 7:00 pm ESPN3
How does the MAC manage to infect such a huge percentage of the TV schedule every week?
Charlotte at FIU 7:00 pm beIN SPORTS
For all of the great things he did for The U and UNC’s programs, Butch Davis isn’t really a quick turnaround guy. FIU is starting from the very bottom of the stack in Florida but I’m sure if he gets 4 years there, Davis will have them turned into an offbrand monster. Kind of like what UCF and USF have going right now.
Coastal Carolina at ULM 7:00 pm ESPN3
Yeesh. Gotta respect this game for finding a place to hide. Nobody is going to watch this.
Marshall at Cincinnati 7:00 pm ESPN3
Another kind of awful matchup that’s nicely scheduled for minimum exposure.
Memphis at UCF 7:00 pm ESPN2
Without looking I would have sworn both of these teams were just barely inside the top 25 but now I am looking and neither one of them is there. Weird. This is a pretty great AAA matchup if you’re into that sort of thing. If you are not into that sort of thing you should be because this is the most interesting conference in the sport. Not the best, mind you, just the most entertaining.
Middle Tennessee at Florida Atlantic 7:00 pm Stadium
It seems well nigh impossible to me that Lane Kiffin goes unscathed in the current pay to play scandal even if the investigation never jumps from basketball to football.
North Texas at Southern Miss 7:00 pm CUSA.TV
How did so many bad games get scheduled for prime time on Saturday this week? You won’t have to do a lot of channel hopping.
South Alabama at Louisiana Tech 7:00 pm ESPN3
This is one of the better games on the schedule at this time and USA has actually sucked badly so far this year.
Troy at (25) LSU 7:00 pm ESPNU
Maybe Derrius Guice will do something to make this interesting but I wouldn’t count on it.
(11) Ohio State at Rutgers 7:30 pm BTN
If Ohio State really tries for 80 this is worth watching but otherwise it’s just more detritus.
South Carolina at Texas A&M 7:30 pm SECN
aTm has two potential first round talents in Christian Kirk (fading) and Trayveon Williams (only a sophomore) and a head coach who built his rep in the first place as a great offensive mind. Sakerlina has a supposed defensive wizard at head coach and a bunch of early round talent all over the roster. When you say it like that this seems like a fun game but nope. I’ve got no interest in it.
(2) Clemson at (12) Virginia Tech 8:00 pm ABC
Now this looks like a real deal great game to me. Both teams have freshman QBs and I think VPISU’s Josh Jackson is actually the better of the two but he can be that and it still might not matter in this particular game. This is not an easy win for Clemson and should actually be a better game than Clemson’s last “big test.” The Hokies are much better on defense than Louisville and they might be able to get off a few deep burns on Clemson’s secondary.
(15) Oklahoma State at Texas Tech 8:00 pm FOX
If Clemson makes me a liar and just stomps over Virginia Tech then you can check in here for what is sure to be a 79-63 kind of a game with over 1,000 yards of combined passing.
(6) Washington at Oregon State 8:00 pm Pac-12N
Every week I get to Oregon State against whoever and just laugh to myself that this fucking guy left the head coaching job at Wisconsin to become the guy at Oregon State and every single week they look worse than they did the previous week. UDub should have this one sealed up before the start of the second quarter.
University of Mississippi, Oxford at (1) Alabama 9:00 pm ESPN
On the one hand Shea Patterson is extremely talented and 27 points is a huge line for a conference game. On the other hand Mississippi got worn the fuck out by the Antifa Bears who don’t even have a real roster put together yet and Alabama could sleep walk to a 30 point lead here. It’s just a matter of how much Alabama wants to stomp them out. All of that recent history of upsets and close games is history, this is not going to be close.
Nevada at Fresno State 10:00 pm ATTSNRM
Fuck yes, this is West Coast trash and I love it. Neither of these teams is particularly good (I mean like any good at all) so this might not be watchable but I sometimes get into this sort of thing.
California at Oregon 10:30 pm FS1
It’s not time for either of them to have a national following yet but I like where both of these programs are headed. Cal having a decent defense overnight seems like a road map to an exploitable market inefficiency in college football.
Colorado at UCLA 10:30 pm ESPN2
Seeing them side by side like this makes me realize that Colorado already exploited that inefficiency that the Antifas are moving towards and started from even farther back in the pack. I just thought of this comp for Josh Rosen and now I’m buying into it: Russell Wilson. He’s obviously much taller than Wilson but the pluses and minuses to their games overlap a lot. Rosen won’t have a 5th year in a new uniform to broaden the scope of his game so he’s probably looking at one year or more as a redshirt in the NFL to put things together but I think I’m onto something here.
NIU at (19) San Diego State 10:30 pm CBSSN
I ran out of space and felt like I already had enough running backs on the RTARLsman list but Rashaad Penny is definitely still one of my guys. I’ll check in on this one if I can but it should be a pretty big win for SDSU. That came out weird, I love terrible late night blowouts but I don’t want to misrepresent what it is I actually want from this game.
San Jose State at UNLV 10:30 pm ESPNU
I kind of wish it hadn’t occurred to me how odd it is for UNLV to be named Rebels because that’s all I think about for them now. This game is a pretty strong contender for worst teams to play each other in 2017, if you’re wondering about that side of things.
Colorado State at Hawaii 11:59 pm MWN/Spectrum PPV
This is a beautiful terrible game. I want so badly to watch but it could really lead to a divorce. I’m sure this holds true in some form for almost everybody reading this. If anybody reads this part. Mountain West Network can’t have a subscriber base larger than like 100,000 households can it?
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Gone to See the Elephant: Rumbelle in San Antonio
Rumple, Belle and Gideon visit South Texas, expecting cowboys, history and weird stuff (Gid’s choice). They find everything they expect, plus a lot more: a magical river and Alamo ghosts who need their help. Rated K+.
<a href=“http://archiveofourown.org/works/11703102”>AO3 link</a>
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They’ve discovered that the three of them make an excellent traveling team. Rumple loves to plan: studying road maps, pumping Expedia and Priceline for the best deals, then phoning hotels to ferret out even better deals with his “your competitor offered me a senior discount and a Triple A discount. Can you do better?” approach. Not that they need worry about money: they’ve learned in their travels that their black America Express is almost as powerful as magic in this vast land. Belle is the researcher, proudly taking each town on his map and running it through Fodors and Lonely Planet before hopping on Yelp and Trip Advisor. In less than an hour, she can produce an annotated list of sights to see in any American town—as well as a secondary list of the overrated and overpriced tourist traps.
And ten-year-old Gideon, eyes eagle sharp from the backseat of the Caddy, has radar for finding sights not in any book. The more unusual, the better. Like his father, Gid is a collector of the odd, capturing everything from roadside snake farms to street jugglers with his camera. They have come to South Texas now, for a week of high adventure. This is more a Rumple-and-Gid thing, Belle thinks, but that’s okay: whatever excites them pleases her. Gid has been yammering on about the amusement parks: he can’t wait to ride The Joker at Six Flags and catch his breath as the mighty Shamu etches an arch against the bright blue sky at Seaworld. But his favorite, which he makes sure to include in every conversation, lest his parents forget, is Ripley’s Believe It or Not Odditorium, with its shrunken heads, headless chicken, and duck-mouthed lady. “On Alamo Plaza,” he reminds Dad solemnly. “Open 10 a.m. to 11 p. m. daily." From behind the steering wheel, Dad assures him Ripley’s will not be left out, while Mom just sighs.
In private, they’ve discussed Gid’s fascination with the weird, Mom wondering if indulging it will leave an indelible stain on the boy’s innocence, but Dad replying by pointing to the odd stuff in his shop—including a portrait that she herself had painted of the sparkly, scaly Dark One in his Enchanted Forest years. “I think his interest in the unique things in life is unavoidable, sweetheart.” Still, Belle had fretted, until one afternoon, as Neal and Gid grossed each other out with a shed snake skin, Snow remarked upon the same fascination in her own son. “They’re ten,” Snow concluded. “Two years ago, they played in mud. Two years from now, it’ll be cars.”
Belle does believe in encouraging her child’s intellectual development, so she indulges him, taking comfort in the fact that Gid reads more and plays computer games less often than his peers. As the Caddy sails down IH-35, weaving its way between Ford F150s with “Protected by Smith & Wesson” bumper stickers and Honda Accords with “I love my granddog” bumper stickers, Rumple growls every time he’s cut off: “Use your friggin’ turn signal, Sheep-Dip-for-Brains.” Belle thinks, for Gid’s sake, she should chastise her husband, but these drivers make her just as annoyed as he is, so she lets the first almost-cuss-word slide. Five minutes later, as a U-Haul slides in front of the Caddy, Rumple’s at it again: “Use your friggin’ turn signal, Sheep-Dip-for-Brains.” Ten minutes later and it’s become a mantra that Belle lets him have, because she realizes it’s tamping his temper down.
Gid reads every road sign aloud (every road sign, Rumple mutters under his breath). Periodically he shouts out, and they pull off the highway to satisfy his curiosity (when he whispers, it’s because he needs a restroom). It impedes their progress to San Antonio, but that’s okay: by sunset they can boast that they’ve seen the Giant Slice of Pie (Kyle), the Fake Castle and Dragon (Buda—Gid is not impressed; he’s seen the real things, but he does appreciate the World Largest Pinball Machine inside the castle), the Giant Armadillo (Schertz), and the World’s Largest Cowboy Boots (San Antonio). At a Cracker Barrel they chow down on chicken fried steak and pick up an “I Wasn’t Born in Texas But I Got Here as Fast as I Could” bumper sticker.
That was just the first day in Central-South Texas.
San Antonio
Gid and Belle ride the Joker, the Batman, and the Krypton Coaster, while Rumple sits on a bench, cheering them on and “guarding our stuff.” He accompanies them on the bumper cars. When they zig and zag and loop on the Pandemonium, he loops into the nearest men’s room and loses his lunch. Staggering dizzily off the ride, Belle clutches Rumple’s arm to regain her balance, but Gid shrugs. “It was okay. Let’s go on the Screamin’ Eagle!”
When her head has cleared, she whispers at him, “Are you okay, darling? You look rather pale.”
“That last ride was a belly-buster,” he admits.
“But you— ” She clamps her mouth shut. “It sure was. Tomorrow will be easier: Seaworld.”
Except, as they discover, there’s the Great White Coaster and Steel Eel and the Wave Breaker, and by time his family have experienced the last thrill ride, Rumple wonders if someone has spiked his lemonade, for the bench he’s been riding all day tilts precariously. They spend a few sedate hours watching the animal shows, and when his stomach has settled he joins in with a Dolphin Swim.
Tired, sore-footed and sunburnt they fall into bed at a Holiday Inn. “Thank gods tomorrow is a shopping day,” Belle groans, rubbing her hip. “I’m getting too old for all this adventure.”
Rumple gives her a look and she giggles. “I know, I know.” He needn’t remind her he’s ten times her age.
The Hill Country
Then it’s Rumple’s turn to choose the adventure. They whisk up Highway 16 to Fredericksburg for some antique shopping. The winding two-lane blacktop takes them through the wild part of the Texas Hill Country. They have come too late in the year for the famous bluebonnets, but white-flowered yucca plants and Mexican Hatdot the limestone cliffs, and Gid spots vultures perching on electrical poles. The ruggedness thrills Belle as she fantasizes aloud about the pioneers crossing this land in creaking, jolting wagons. The traffic is hopping for a town of only 11,000 residents and there’s a B & B on every corner: from Fodor’s, Belle learns that Fredericksburg, with its German restaurants, vineyards, art galleries, antiques shops, and Old West specialty shops is a draw for artists, history buffs and weekend cowboys alike. From the sights beyond his windshield, Rumple ascertains that his pawnshop would do more business here than he could keep up with.
Rumple keeps his shopping short, taking photos of objects he takes a fancy to, exchanging business cards and, when he just can’t resist it, making a quick deal here and there for bits of furniture to be shipped back to Maine.
Then they swing back down south to the little but very busy town of Bandera, where motorcycles compete with pickups for parking spaces, and an arts and craftsshow takes up the courthouse lawn while, at Mansfield Park, there’s a mutton bustin’.This is “the Cowboy Capital of the World,” and though Rumple professes to have chosen this site as compensation for making Gid sit through a morning of antiquing, the truth is, this visit is for the older Gold. Belle knows this, from the shelf full of Elmer Keltons and TV Westerns in his closet at home, but she lets him have his little yellow fib.
The Golds find a city parking lot—just a plane of gravel, really—within walking distance of downtown (but then, pretty much everything here is in walking distance). As they approach Main Street, Gid bounces on ahead to watch performers reenact a gunfight. He squeezes his way past the iPhone photo-takers cluttering the sidewalks to get to the front for the best view. Belle frets a moment when she loses sight of him—even now, a decade after the Black Fairy’s defeat, she gets nervous sometimes. “It’s okay,” Rumple assures her. “If he needs us, he can yell louder than any six-shooter.”
But he gets a bit nervous as the people around him eyeball his D & G silk shirt and pressed slacks (at least he’s left the tie and jacket in the car). It’s not just that he stands out in this crowd of faded jeans and Spurs t-shirts, though he certainly does that: the tourists and Banderans alike step aside for him, apparently assuming he’s some federal government official (certainly not a local politico, or he’d be wearing denim). Normally that deference would be feeding his ego; as soon as he’d gained his power, he’d begun dressing to impress (and frighten). But not today, not here. Today, for one weekend, Rumplestiltskin wants to be a cowboy. “No, this won’t do,” he murmurs before pressing his mouth to Belle’s ear, to be heard over the street entertainers. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, sweetheart. You just stay and enjoy the show with Gid.”
She nods and takes advantage of her small frame to ease past the spectators to her son’s side. He wheels about and ambles (imagining he’s already wearing cowhide boots) down the boardwalk until he comes to a limestone-front shop with a pair of red boots decorating the facade: the Cowboy Store. What better place to outfit a fella who’ll be moseying on out to the ranch tonight. “Cowboy me,” he orders the clerk, slapping his Amex Black on the counter, and in fifteen minutes he’s in Wranglers, a short-sleeved Cinch shirt (Belle will be pleased: she admires his forearms) and Justin Hidalgos. In a shopping bag he tries to hide under his arm are his D & Gs and his Italian loafers. He hasn’t gone so far as to buy a Stetson—yet. But sometime before tonight’s rodeo at the Twin Elm he reckons he ought to.
He slathers on some sunblock and joins his family at the shoot-out. Standing shoulder to shoulder with other men, he feels, strangely, comfortable, as if he’s lived here before. His thoughts flash back for a moment to the Mr. Gold he once was, in the First Curse Days; Gold would have snickered, not just at the new clothes, but at the crowd he’s now associating with: middle-class, middle-aged, family men.Henpecked, Gold would have called today’s Rumple; today’s Rumple would have snapped back, “Proud of it.” And he would have known that, beneath the D & G layers beat an envious, lonely heart.
It’s time to let Mr. Gold go. Bury him in the rubble of the broken curse. Sliding an arm around his wife’s waist, Rumple won’t miss the old bastard a bit.
They drive out to their home for the weekend, the Twin Elm Guest Ranch. There’s so much to do this weekend, they can’t fit it all in: horseback riding and fishing tomorrow, followed by a rodeo. They’ve come too late for the Wild Hog Explosion and BBQ, and too early for Celebrate Bandera, featuring a real-live cattle drive down Main Street, the Circle of Life Inter-Tribal Powwow, and the Professional Bull Riders rodeo. They knew from their research their timing was off for these events, but they figured they’d have a wonderful time anyway, and so they have. Still, after an evening of chuck-wagon steaks and line dancing to guitars and fiddles, Rumple leans against the gate, watching the sun go down as Gid and Belle chat quietly with other guests around a campfire. In the lengthening shadows, Rumple watches horses move slowly across the pasture, cropping grass. He hears tails swishing at horseflies, an occasional snort, a stomp of a hoof, and his heart stills. He’s lived many lives, but never this one, and yet, though there’s an illusion to it, for which his MasterCard Gold has paid, this feels more real to him that the Longbourne hovel or the Dark Castle. More like home.
In the West, a man can start again if he has the gumption for it. We only ask what he is, not what he was. He learned that from novels and movies. Here, he believes it to be true.
“That’s all right,” Belle remarks after she’s tucked Gid into a bunk bed. “We don’t have to rush. We have money enough, and time. We can always come back.”
Watching his son’s chest rise and fall in slumber, he dimples at this thought. “Yes. We’ll come back.”
San Antonio Again
“You seemed to really get into our little rodeo.” The ranch hand mops sweat and dust off his brow as he joins the Golds, leaning on the gate.
“We did,” Belle assures him, glancing at her bright-eyed boys, who are chattering excitedly with a barrel racer who’s resting on her sorrel, one leg hooked over the saddle horn.
“If you really want to see some action, you should go to a charreada. There’s one at Crying Creek Ranch in New Braunfels next Saturday.”
And so Belle’s choice is made. But Saturday is eight days away, so she relinquishes her turn to Gid, and the Caddy winds it way back down Highway 16. As soon as they hit Loop 1604 around the outer edges of San Antonio, they can feel the difference. The air itself changes, becomes charged with irresistible energy, almost borderline frantic, as the traffic on the very crowded highway-turned-city-street pushes and prods the Caddy to skim the speed limit. Belle has driven down from Bandera, but she pulls off at a Valero station to switch seats with Rumple: he taps into his mean streak and it’s his anger that allows him to compete with two million people for space in this sprawling, casually aggressive city. He’s powerful, even without his magic, and he drives like it. Though the Rams and the Tundras could easily blow him off the road, they give the Cadillac driver a little respect, perhaps assuming he can put his money where his mouth is. “Use your friggin’ turn signal, Sheep-Dip-for-Brains!” he shouts as a Camry cuts him off, and he raises his fingers from the steering wheel, wagging them. “Lucky for you he doesn’t have his magic,” Belle mutters, “else you’d be a snail washed up on the beach at Padre Island.”
Teeth gritted and “Eine Kleine Nachtmusik” on the CD player, Rumple needles his way onto Loop 410 East, then, at Belle’s shouted directions, pushes onto IH-10 headed south (though he’s confused because the signs say “10 East”), which, to confuse matters further, merges for a spell with IH-35. With Gid in the backseat clutching his rolled-down window, sticking his face out into the whipping wind, Belle shouts again, and Rumple swings the Caddy across three lanes of traffic to the Houston Street exit, where suddenly everything. Comes. To. A. Standstill.
“Glad we got those brakes relined before we set out,” Belle grins, because Rumple has to ride them. They’re now on a two-lane red-brick street, which she finds charming and Gid finds delightfully bumpy, but Rumple finds maddening because there’s a bloody stoplight at every corner which pedestrians ignore, stepping right out into oncoming traffic, too busy admiring the buildings (they are interesting—a theater with a glitzy marquee, an old-fashioned drug store, Belle muses later) or reading the iPhones to watch where they’re walking. “Damn tourists,” Rumple grumbles, as if he lives here.
“Just be glad this isn’t playoff season,” Gid quips. He’s been watching Spurs games on YouTube. A natural athlete and a sports nut, the kid is; it separates him from his parents, gives him an identity of his own.
Gripping the wheel, Rumple ignores the streetcars, guns his engine a little to scare the jaywalkers, and inches his way east on Houston.
“In February, at the start of the Stock Show and Rodeo, they drive Longhorns down this street,” Belle comments, reading from her Fodor’s.
“I wonder if the pedestrians stop for Longhorns, or do the Longhorns stop for them,” Rumple grunts.
“Is that it?” Gid points at a hotel. They have plenty of time to examine it; a stretch limo unloading its passengers at the hotel entrance is blocking the entire east lane of the street.
“Emma would never allow a disruption like that,” Rumple complains. “A hazard, that’s what it is.”
“No, it’s not our hotel,” Belle informs her son.
They creep along. As a Lexus making a right turn cuts them off, Gid yells out the window, “Use your friggin’ turn signal, Sheep-Dip-for-Brains!”
Belle raises her sunglasses to squint at Rumple. She doesn’t have to say anything; he knows that admonishing look too well. “Uhm, yeah, I’ll, ah, modify my language from now on. Though technically, none of those words were swear words… .”
“Gid’s teacher might have another opinion,” Belle cautions.
Restaurants, a jeweler’s, an optician’s office, a clock on a tall post. “I can see the river. Can we go back later and walk down there?” Bars, apartments, novelty shops. Another hotel—”Is that it?” “No, that’s not our hotel.” Another hotel. Gid stops asking. “Turn here,” Belle instructs, and Rumple makes a right onto Losoya. The car and foot traffic are so dense now, and there’s construction blocking off lanes, so Rumple has to focus on what’s immediately ahead; he depends upon Belle to direct him. She does so, with careful specifics and plenty of advance notice. “Turn left at the next light. Crockett Street.”
“Look, Mom, there’s Ripley’s!”
“There’s the Alamo. Keep going. Cross Alamo Plaza. There, on the right.” Belle smiles back at Gideon with great satisfaction (and relief—not that she doesn’t trust her husband’s driving, but, well, “those bloody tourists!”). “That’s our hotel. The historic Menger. The oldest still-operating hotel west of the Mississippi.”
“Where Teddy Roosevelt recruited his Rough Riders,” Rumple adds as he pulls up at the front. Hands shaking, he pops the trunk and tosses the keys to a valet, while a bellhop steers a luggage rack to the back of the car. “Welcome to the Menger, ma’am, sirs,” the valet greets them.
Belle takes charge from here; Rumple is still too edgy. She gives him their name and leads the way inside, intending to beeline to the reservation desk, but she’s stopped short. “Ooh, my… .”
The lobby is indescribable in its elegance. A stained-glass ceiling, Corinthian columns, highly polished marble floors, woolen rugs, a stately grandfather clock overseeing it all. “This is the same furniture that was here in 1859,” Belle whispers to Rumple. They’re paying guests; they don’t need to whisper; but she feels a full voice would insult the atmosphere of this place… or disturb the legendary ghosts.
���Double-dial Seth Thomas,” Rumple gushes over the clock, then hurries over to an etagere: “Napoleon III revival, mid-1800s.” He cocks his head to study the ornate inlay. Then in a flash he’s on his feet again and admiring a table “French boulle, brass and tortoiseshell inlays; not a scratch!”)and a settee: “Empire, walnut, 1870’s.” Rumple wanders around, bending, crouching, even kneeling to admire the detail in the furnishings and the rug. “Handwoven. It would take me a year to produce a piece like this. It’s not a rug; it’s a work of art.”
“Mom, can we check in now?” Gid is already standing at the counter, bouncing from foot to foot. Belle knows full well what that means. “Yes, of course.” She digs around in her tote bag for her travel notebook, in which she’s written their confirmation number. As she searches, she amuses Gid with another factoid. “One of the wilder stories about this hotel is that in the early 1900s, a man who stayed here didn’t have enough money, so he paid his bill with an alligator.”
“What?!”
“And the hotel accepted it. They kept the alligator in a pool outside, and they bought some baby alligators to keep it company. They called him Bill.”
“Really?” Before Belle can stop him, Gid accosts a clerk. “Where’s your alligator?”
The clerk is unfazed; she’s heard the question many times before. “I’m sorry, young man, but Bill passed away a long time ago. We haven’t got around to replacing him yet.”
Belle apologizes and quickly switches the topic to the registration information.When a bellhop is summoned for her, she takes Gid by the hand and they are led to the elevator. “Rumple, you can look around. We’re going up to the room.”
A second bellhop takes this as a cue and offers Rumple a tour. “I can tell you about the paintings, if you like, sir. And over here there’s a very fine mahogany vitrine displaying rose medallion Chinese porcelain, and two matching Duncan Phyfe sofas that I think will impress you. And this grand piano was bought in 1876 for five hundred dollars… .”
With a slightly guilty glance at his departing family, Rumple promises he’ll join them shortly in their room.They have the Roy Rogers Signature Suite on the second floor, with two double beds, a private balcony overlooking the plaza gazebo, and Old West style furnishings, from cowhide chairs to a flower vase made from a boot. Throughout the suite are Remington- and Russell-style paintings as well as photos of Roy and Dale. A wooden poker table replaces the traditional writing desk, and overhead a wagon wheel chandelier completes the theme. Rumple will feel comfortable here—if he ever finishes his examination of the first floor.
As Belle tips the bellhop, Gid pauses in his dash to the bathroom long enough to ask, “Hey, where did Trigger sleep?”
Again, the question doesn’t faze the staff. The bellhop points to the bedroom closet. “In there. You see that little door in the wall? It’s closed off now, but that’s where we’re drop the hay in.”
“Cool,” Gid nods before scampering off.Gid uses the bathroom, and afterward Belle makes him take a bath. She has him wait in one of the fluffy robes provided by the hotel; when Rumple is ready, she’ll have Gid dress up and they’ll go down to the Colonial Room for late lunch. An hour passes and still Rumple hasn’t come up. Gid has taken note of the pool and is begging for a swim, so she dresses him in his trunks, puts on her own modest suit and a robe, leaves Rumple a note and takes her boy down to the pool. While he splashes about, she relaxes in the hot tub until her gurgling stomach reminds her that, by Eastern Daylight Time, it’s nearly suppertime. “Hungry yet, Gid?”
“Yeah. Can I have pizza?” He pulls himself out of the pool and stands over her, intentionally dripping cold water on her.
“Gid! Stop that.” Reluctantly she parts company with the hot tub. “Let’s go up to the room and change. I’ll bet your dad’s there, conked out on the couch, remote control in his hand.”
Gideon giggles. That vision is permanently etched in his memory; it’s a favorite of his, Rumplestiltskin as only two people have ever seen him. Mother and son patter in their flip flops up to the suite, doing their best not to drip on the marble floor.
Rumple is there, as predicted, but he’s not napping. Or watching TV. Or any of the other little things he does to relax. He’s standing in the narrow hallway between the living room and the bedroom. Framed photos of Roy, along with a painting of a bucking bronco, line the western wall, but it’s not these he’s looking at; it’s the mirror across from them. An ordinary, framed mirror.
As Belle approaches, her shoes slapping against the wood floor, he doesn’t budge. In fact, not a hair on his head twitches. He just stares into that mirror.
Two things bother Belle about this sight: one, her husband has a distinct aversion to mirrors. Always has, and not just because of Regina; he’s always disliked his appearance, and as years went by and guilt piled upon guilt for all the wrongs he’d done, he’d reached a point where he could barely look himself in the eye.
Two, Rumple is talking. Low tones, soothing tones—and though he’s been known to mutter to himself when he’s tired or frustrated, he’s definitely not talking to himself now. He’s referring to his listener as “dearie” and he’s asking questions that one might consider ordinary, polite conversation—if there was another person in the room to converse with. And he’s pausing to listen for an answer.
A dripping Gideon at her side, she hesitates on the threshold between the living room and the hall. She’s seen her husband completely absorbed in an experiment before and she certainly knows what it’s like to lose oneself in a book, so deeply that all sense of time and space are momentarily warped. She’s seen him in that restful trance that spinning produces for him. But this is none of those. He’s carrying on a conversation with a mirror. If this were Storybrooke or Misthaven, she’d assume he was simply using the “mirror phone” spell to communicate with another sorcerer, but this is San Antonio, Texas, in the Land Without Magic.
So she waits and watches until a hungry Gid makes an impatient sound and goes around her, headed for the bedroom. He’s not disturbed by his father’s bizarre actions: he’s grown up with them. He brushes past Rumple with a “Yo, Pop” and trots into the bedroom. In a minute Belle can hear a grunt and the squeak of the wheels on Gid’s suitcase, then onto one of the beds shirts and pairs of jeans come flying. “Mom! D’ya want me to dress up?”
Rumple tears himself away from his conversation just long enough for a hasty glance at Belle. “Just a moment, sweetheart. He started talking to me in the lobby mirror, so—yes, Captain?” He resumes his conversation with the mirror. He seems well enough, calm and safe, and when it comes to magic he almost always knows what he’s doing, so she decides to leave him be for now. She eases past him and into the bedroom. “You know, it’s only five o’clock. We should grab a quick bite and get in a little sightseeing before dark. Put on your jeans.”
Gid lets his wet swim trunks fall to the floor; Belle scoops them up to hang up in the bathroom. “Ripley’s?”
“Of course.” Belle tosses a towel at him. “It’s open until 11.”
He scrubs his goose-pimpled body dry. He’s lean, like his father, but he’s long-muscled and the tallest in his class at school and in another year he’ll overtake his mother. He likes to boast that he’s built for basketball. He can recite the stats for the Celtics’ entire starting five, but judiciously, today he chooses to wear a Spurs t-shirt that they picked up at the World’s Largest Convenience Store in New Braunfels. Before Belle has a chance to unpack her suitcase, he’s already dressed and has flopped onto his bed, Game Boy in hand. “Mom, is it okay if I have something from the mini-fridge?”
“Something small. Some nuts would be okay. I’ll be ready in about fifteen minutes,” she calls from the bathroom.
Gid peers into the hallway to check the status of his father. “Is Dad coming with us?”
“We’ll see. He seems to be busy.”
“Sorry about that.” Rumple moves into the bedroom, sits down on Gid’s bed and pats his boy’s foot apologetically. “Didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”
Gid shrugs. “Had to wait for Mom anyway.”
Still in the hotel bathrobe, Belle opens the bathroom door a crack and peeks out, hairbrush in hand. “Rumple? What were you doing?”
“Well,” he sort of chuckles, but it’s a puzzled sound. “I guess you could say I made a friend.”
“A sorcerer?”
“A spirit. Seems your guidebooks are right: there are a lot of them in this hotel. I felt them as soon as I got out of the car. My friend isn’t sure how many; they tend to come and go, he said.”
Gid tosses his Game Boy aside and sits up. “A ghost?”
“But don’t call them that. They consider it derogatory. They call themselves ‘spirits’ or ‘unanchored souls.’ I’ve known a few in my time, but not well: they’re difficult to do business with. Their memories aren’t dependable.”
“Who was this one?”
“He said he was a rancher. He owned a big spread along the Nueces Strip, he said. He lived in this hotel for a while; they named a suite after him, the one at the other end of the hall. That’s where he usually hangs out, but when he realized the Dark One was in the house… .” Rumple shrugs.
“Can I talk to him?”
“He’s gone now, but perhaps later, we could try.” Rumple and Belle exchange a look that says we’ll have to discuss this in private. They know, from his previous incarnation, that Gid has the capacity for magic, but the boy has yet to exhibit any skills in that regard. Not unusual: he’s got a lot more growing to do. Gid doesn’t mind waiting for his magic to manifest, he says. He’s seen how much study and strain are involved in successfully casting even simple spells. He’d rather play basketball.
“Did he know Teddy Roosevelt?” Belle can’t help but ask. American history fascinates her, the bigness, the wildness of it all.
“We can ask him.” Rumple is encouraged by his wife’s curiosity. Perhaps she won’t be too upset if Gid converses with the spirits too. With that small victory, it’s time to change the subject. He claps his hands. “Well now! Who’s up for a trip to Ripley’s?”
It’s after eleven when they trudge back to the hotel; Gid is half-asleep and glances longingly at his father’s shoulder. In the old days, this late at night, Dad would have carried him, letting his doze. As much as Gid looks forward to growing up, sometimes he longs for the good old days.
Though it’s dark, the plaza is well lit and still fairly busy with tourists spilling out of the attractions that have now closed their doors. Most of the families have left the streets, and now the young adults have emerged, many of them in stiff new Navy and Air Force uniforms. There’s a USO in the vicinity, along with plenty of bars from which music and the smell of beer spill out. The tavern owners seem to have a preference for the UK, with names like “Mad Dog British Pub” and “Pat O’Brien’s,” but Rumple suspects they all sell Lone Star beer and barbeque wings.
They’ve been to Ripley’s (smaller than expected, but Gid loved the shrunken heads), the Guinness World Records Museum (Gid tried to break the record for the loudest scream), and the Plaza Wax Museum (Belle posed for pictures with Indiana Jones and Abraham Lincoln; Gid pretended to box with Rocky). They shot laser guns at monsters in the Tomb Rider, but Belle put the kibosh on entering the Haunted Adventure (too scary for a ten-year-old, she claimed; when Gid started to argue that they were sleeping in a hotel occupied by real spirits, Rumple shook his head fiercely). For Rumple’s sake, they browse the Buckhorn Museum, part of which houses a Texas Rangers collection; the rest contains stuffed creatures, ranging from the local, such as deer and a longhorn, to the exotic, including a gorilla and a polar bear. Though Belle, too squeamish to tour the taxidermied wildlife, waited in saloon, sipping a Prickly Pear margarita, Gid was treated to more shrunken heads, a peanut-sized elephant, and other oddities. They At Moses Rose’s Hideout Gid orders the “Damn Good Fries,” relishing the fact that he’s getting away with a cuss word—besides, Mom is distracted because Dad’s got that faraway look again. “Another spirit,” he whispers to her. “Over there. In front of the men’s room.”
“And I thought all we’d find here were cowboys and Miss America winners.”
“I won’t let him spoil our dinner.” Rumple assures her, then smiles up at the server and places his order.
After dinner, they stroll through the plaza, then stop at a street cart to buy raspas. It’s been a fun trip so far for everyone—though it seems clear to Belle that even here, where Rumple’s only power is in his credit cards, he’s going to pestered by magic-seekers. They wrap up a very busy day with a soothing barge ride down the San Antonio River.
When the tour guide’s back is turned, Gid leans out of the barge to trail his fingers in the water. “Gid,” Rumple warns, yanking him back. His grasp on Gid’s dripping hand suddenly loosens and Rumple murmurs something Belle can’t quite hear. “What’s that, darling?”
Rumple’s brow creases. “I feel something… a power… .” He shakes the thought off. “Just my imagination, I’m sure. Never mind.” He slides an arm around her and they enjoy the colorful shore lights, the gentle movement of the barge, the soft warm breeze and each other. It’s so relaxing that Belle closes her eyes, but it’s Gid who falls asleep. Rumple has to carry him back to the hotel.
“My turn tomorrow,” Belle whispers as Rumple eases Gid onto his bed. They have to pull his sneakers off, but they leave him dressed.
“Something quiet, I hope?”
“I hope your new friends will be quiet tonight. You’ve had a long, busy day.” She kisses him before retreating to the bathtub.
—————————-
Pale sunlight ekes in through the open balcony doors as Belle, awakened by music from the TV, hauls herself out of bed. She’s never been a morning person, and after last night her muscles are sore and her joints are stiff. She pulls on her robe and joins her husband on the balcony. He’s barefoot but already dressed—jeans and a plain white t-shirt that make him look so scrumptious that Belle would like to drag him back in and throw him on the bed, if not for the boy watching TV in the living room. Rumple is watching the city come awake: trolley cars and Lexuses battle it out with jaywalkers dressed in everything from board shorts to business suits. He’s made a game of it, during their travels: guessing the salaries by the suits. She approaches from behind, slips her arms around his waist. “Did you sleep well?”
He nods. “The captain came back. In the bathroom mirror.”
“Is there… reason to be concerned?” She’s holding her breath. Please, no; let them have this time to enjoy themselves and make a pleasant family memory. In Storybrooke they had enough trouble to last a lifetime.
“No.” He turns in her arms and kisses her forehead. “He’s just a gregarious guy. Likes to brag about that spread of his. The King Ranch. Over a thousand square miles, he claims. Cuts across six counties. But I have my doubts. Spirits are notoriously unreliable. Very entertaining to talk to, though.”
“King.” She ponders. “Is his first name Richard?”
“He didn’t say.”
“You said there was a suite named after him. There’s a King Ranch Suite down the hall, room 2052 named for a steamboat pilot. He’s the real deal, Rumple. An important historical figure.” She pauses. “I’d like to meet him. He’s sure to have a wealth of colorful stories about the 1800s.”
“I bet he’d like that. He’s lonesome. Most people shriek when he makes an appearance. Are we going to let Gid talk to him too?”
“Let’s decide after I do.”
Rumple steps back inside the bedroom and closes the balcony doors. “Gid’s already had breakfast—I took him down to hotel restaurant. But that was two hours ago, so knowing him—”
“Knowing him and his bottomless pit stomach.” She takes pride in that: the boy can scarf up an entire medium pizza by himself. He eats like a kid with nothing to worry about and he sleeps the sleep of the innocent. As it should be. As they’re careful to make sure it will always be, after what he was subjected to, in his previous life. “Let me get dressed and we’ll go down.”
Belle has educational activities on the itinerary. Gid is allowed to take his Game Boy; it will help stretch out his patience over the course of a day of grown-up stuff. After breakfast they catch a hop-on, hop-off trolley tour that brings them to Hemisfair Park, where they walk through the Institute of Texan Cultures, which, thankfully, has plenty of hands-on activities to teach kids about everyday life for the earliest Texans. Then they take an elevator to the top of the Tower of the Americas for a 750-foot view of the city and an early seafood lunch in a revolving restaurant (Gid makes a game of sending salt and pepper shakers around the room by placing them on the small ledge beneath the windows. As the wall of windows revolves, the shakers travel along with it, making other diners chuckle.)
Departing the Hemisfair, the trolley makes a sweep of the four missions that mark the beginnings of San Antonio, all the way back to 1720. “Can you imagine the courage it took for those priests to come out here from Spain?” Belle gushes. They stroll the artists’ shops and eat breakfast tacos at La Villita before taking the trolley back toward the center of town. They hop off at the stately San Fernando Cathedral, where, it’s said, the ashes of William Travis and Davy Crockett are interred. (Rumple is able to verify this claim: more ghosts than in the Menger reside here, he discovers. “So many of them want someone to talk to,” he shivers, despite the 104 degree heat. “So many of them have forgotten how to talk.”) The cathedral, nearly three hundred years old, is reassuring in its quiet strength, Belle whispers; “Individuals come and go, nations pass, but this cathedral will live on. What a worthy place to pray.” They stay in the cool quiet of the structure for nearly an hour, until Gid grows restless.
From there they catch a city bus to “the piece de resistance,” according to Belle: the six-story Central Library. They’ve seen larger, but, as Rumple remarks, they’ve never seen redder; in a librarian-led tour of the building, they learn the locals have nicknamed the building “The Red Enchilada.” An entire floor is dedicated to the children’s collection; while Gid admires the life-size mosaic cow, created by a high school art class, Belle chats a while at the service desk, stealing ideas for programs.
The first and second floors, they discover, provide an unspoken refuge for the homeless. With their bedrolls and backpacks at their feet, they peruse newspapers and network on the public computers from opening to closing time. “Where do they go after closing?” Belle whispers to a librarian at the Reference Desk.
“Some of them go to a nearby shelter called Haven for Hope. Some of them… .” the librarian looks across his desk at a tall, white-haired man wearing high top sneakers. “Some of them don’t.”
“They… sleep on the streets?”
“In doorways, alleys, the steps of the church across the street, when they can get away with it. They’re waiting for us when we come into work everyday. We know most of them by name. We help them when we can: teach them to use the computers, help them write resumes, refer them to places they can shower and wash their clothes. It’s a hard life.”
“Hard on you too, I suppose.”
The librarian nods. “Especially when they don’t come back.”
Walking back to the bus stop, Belle links her arm through Rumple’s and draws up close to him. “Remind me, next time I complain about Regina cutting my budget.”
As the bus pulls up, Rumple looks back. He’s experienced homelessness several times in his long life, as recently as 2015. He’s never figured out why, in a land as powerful as this one, that particular curse hasn’t been broken.
“Dad, we have money.”
“Yes,” he assures Gid. “We’ll always have a place to live.”
“No, but I mean, we have more than we need.”
“I see.” Tonight, safe in their luxury suite, the Golds will sit down together and write out a check to Haven for Hope.
“I think we’re ready for the Alamo,” Belle says quietly.
As soon as they set foot inside the cross-shaped limestone structure, Rumple goes quiet, his body rigid and still. Belle leans into him, silently inquiring; he startles, then glanced down at her. “Spirits?” she whispers. He nods. “Hundreds. And they all want to be heard.”
“Good morning. My name is Anna Shulman. I’ll be your guide as we tour the Mission San Antonio de Valero, commonly known as the Alamo.” They’re being led by a sweet little grandma—who has a knack for describing events in such vivid detail that Belle and Rumple both shiver. Their guide smiles at each of her charges in turn. Gid grins back at her—he’s got a soft spot for little old ladies, since he lacks grandparents of his own. Old folks turn him to mush.
The high arches of the limestone fort are cathedral-like, Belle observes; the tour guide remarks, “As befitting the men who defended it.” She proceeds to fill the tourists in on the background: in the 18th and early 19th centuries, the land that now makes up Texas was owned by Spain, but in an effort to make it profitable, Spain invited American settlers, some of whom owned slaves, to move in. In 1821, Mexico won its war for independence from Spain and thereby gained possession of Texas. The Texians, as the former Americans were called, were expected to free any slaves they owned, swear allegiance to Mexico, and join the Catholic Church, but in such a vast and unsettled land, those rules were difficult to enforce. Arguments and skirmishes ensued between the Mexican government and the Texians over cultural differences and political and economic disputes. Led by Benjamin Milam and George Collinsworth, the Texians stormed the Alamo, where a Mexican garrison was headquartered, and they won; they gained control of San Antonio—temporarily, until Mexico sent in more troops. Under the leadership of Jim Bowie and William Travis, the defenders hunkered down, determined to hold the fort, despite a huge disparity in numbers: 200 to 1600. Mexican forces pounded relentlessly over the course of thirteen days until they finally broke through, reclaiming the fort and killing nearly all the occupants.
As the guide leads them through the fragmented shrine, Belle notices that both of her boys are struggling to pay attention. She understands their reasons: to a ten-year-old, anything that happened more than a week ago is ancient history, so the politics behind the Texas Revolution have no meaning to him—he becomes more involved in the lecture when the guide describes the 13-day battle. Rumple, meanwhile, is switching back and forth between voices competing for his attention. Tonight, after Gideon is sound asleep, he will relay as much as he can sort out and remember from those speakers. Belle will not be alarmed; she has become used to the inconveniences that a sorcerer, even one on vacation in the Land Without Magic, has to put up with.
As for Belle herself, her skin grows cold and her heart leaps into her throat as she listens to the details of those thirteen days of siege. She has to wipe her eyes as Ms. Shulman relates the story of one of the few survivors, a woman named Susanna Dickinson. On the final day of the siege, Susanna took refuge in the chapel with her fifteen-month-old daughter and other women and children. As bugles blared and cannon fired, Susanna’s husband burst into the sacristy just long enough for a last kiss: “Great God, Sue, the Mexicans are inside our walls! If they spare you, save my child!” And then he was gone. Ms. Shulman concludes, “General Santa Anna allowed Mrs. Dickinson and her daughter Angela to go free, expecting that the report Susanna would give would frighten the Texians into ending the insurrection. But her report, along with that of other survivors, only fueled the revolution. When the armies met again a month later in San Jacinto, the rallying cry ‘Remember the Alamo’ gave the Texians the strength they needed to win.”
Belle has to know: “What happened to Susanna?”
“A series of troubled marriages, but eventually she set up a boarding house in Lockhart, and there she met a wealthy businessman who fell in love with her cooking. They lived happily together until her death at age 68.”
Belle takes a little comfort from that, but still, she shudders as they silently troop through the sacristy. She’d been through the exact same terror when ogres invaded the Marshlands, uprooted crops, smashed houses, ate cattle and sheep whole, and tore humans limb from limb. Village by village they stormed across the kingdom until Marshland troops made a stand at the capital city. For six days Avonlea was pounded, its children hiding in caves and cellars, its women and elderly making arms of farm tools, its men being plucked from battlements and ripped into unidentifiable body parts.
Until the Dark One answered the princess’ call and made, what was for him, an uncharacteristically whimsical deal. Belle glances up at her distracted husband and suddenly she knows he’s going to do it again: he’s going to make an uncharacteristic deal to rescue souls under siege. And she’s going to help him. Proudly.
He’s not just quiet through the rest of the tour; he’s absolutely silent. Throughout their window-shopping stroll of the Rivercenter Mall (“it reminds me of Agrabah’s marketplace,” Belle says) and their wanderings through the Briscoe Western Art Museum, he’s silent. When they take seats at a riverside table at Boudro’s Bistro, she has to order for both of them (the restaurant’s signature guacamole); he seems oblivious to the wait staff’s presence. She gives Rumple his space, keeping Gid occupied with casual chatter, then after dinner she rewards the child for his day of patience by treating him to a visit to the dinosaur gallery at the Witte Museum.
It’s after he’s changed into his pajamas that Gid addresses the elephant in the room: “What’s up with Dad?”
“I’m not sure,” Belle admits. “Something to do with magic.”
“Oh.” That’s all Gid says; that was all Belle needed to say. Gid’s been exposed to all sorts of magic, all of his life; it’s one of the reasons his parents decided to bring him out into this world, so that he could see that not everyone lives with magic—not everyone needs it. Rumple’s only regret in this decision was that he hadn’t done the same for Bae.
When Gid is asleep, Rumple finally speaks. “There was so many at the Alamo, a hundred voices. But one… .It’s time for me to talk to Captain King. Will you join me?”
“Of course.” Over the years, they’ve become in a sense partners in magic, studying and experimenting together. It took a long time for him to allow her into that world; magic had driven a wedge between them before, and even after he learned that it was his destiny to unite dark and light powers, he was slow to trust that magic wouldn’t scare her away again. It was the many times they’d been separated—Neverland, Zelena, the Underworld—and the heroes had turned to Belle as a sort of substitute expert in the academic side of magic that had initiated the change, but it was in raising Gideon, a child with innate powers, that the Golds let magic unite them. They had no choice then, they realized; Belle had to accept Gid’s true nature and help guide him in learning how to control his magic, so the more that Rumple taught her, the happier and safer they would all be.
She takes his hand as he closes the bedroom door, shutting off the hall from the sleeping Gideon. Rumple draws in a breath, smiles encouragingly at her, then positions them both in front of the hall mirror. He calls a name: “Captain King.” Immediately the visage of a broad-faced, cigar-chewing gent shimmers and comes into clarity in the mirror. He exudes confidence to the point of bluster, but there’s a sparkle in his eyes that promises tales to tell and a glint that assures the listener he can back up his boasts. He dresses to impress, in a string tie and a suit that Belle suspects is the 19th-century equivalent of Dolce & Gabbana. She can see why Rumple has taken to him.
“Good evening, Mr. Gold.” The voice is velvety and warms with charm as the captain observes, “Ah, you’ve brought your lovely wife with you!”
“Captain, this is Belle. Belle, this is Captain Richard King.”
The captain ducks his bushy head in a bow. “Madame, good evening. Delighted to meet you.”
“Good evening, sir. I’m pleased to meet you.”
“Captain, as much as we’d love to just chat and get acquainted—”
“Yes, Mr. Gold, we have business to transact.” King draws himself up; Belle’s seen her husband assume this same pose. She calls it “the deal making stance.” “I understand you’ve been visited to the point of pestering by some of my cohorts here in the hotel.”
“A few, yes. Some seem deeply troubled.”
“So many of them were victims of violence.” The captain’s voice grows heavy. “A few, at the hands of people they loved. Shock, grief, or a yearning for revenge keeps some of them here.”
“We visited the Alamo today,” Belle volunteers.
“Oh, of course.” King falls silent for a long moment, closing his eyes. “That is where you’ll find the most of our kind. Confusion over their state—they have yet to accept that they’ve died—and a fierce determination to protect the Alamo against invaders forever bind them to Earth. They are adrift in time, you see. For them, the siege continues and always will.”
“Can’t we help them?”
“It’s generous of you, madame, but not if they don’t want to be helped. For most, they don’t want to accept the truth.”
Rumple is thoughtful. “And you, Captain? Why do you remain here?”
“This is where I’m happiest. This vast and rich land, which I helped to tame, and which gave me a reason to be; I don’t want to leave it. I am Texas, through and through. The time will come, I’m sure, when the summons to Heaven is more than I can resist, but not yet. Not yet.” The captain drifts off a moment; Belle suspects he’s dreaming of the past.
“There was one, a man named Moses Rose,” Rumple says.
“I’ve heard of him,” King glances at Belle. “Pardon, madame. His name—rightly or wrongly—is cursed in this state. ‘The Coward of the Alamo,’ he’s called.”
The blood drains from Belle’s face. She looks to Rumple, who’s staring at the carpet, his mouth stretched tight. His thumb is rubbing against his forefinger.
“It’s said that the day before the final battle, Colonel Travis warned his comrades that the end was near. He drew out his sword and slashed a line in the sand and said, ‘I now want every man who is determined to stay here and die with me to come across this line.’ They all did, but one. When darkness fell, Moses Rose managed to escape through town. He lived another fifteen years or so.”
“But he came back after death, to stand with the others who continue to defend the Alamo to this day,” Rumple snaps. He’s taking history a little personally, but Belle understands why.
“So he did,” King agrees. “The facts of his story are known to only a few on this side of the veil.”
Belle is about to ask whether King can call forth a spirit who would know those facts, but a hasty glance at her husband makes her realize the facts don’t really matter. The truth is bigger than the sum of the facts, and regardless, Rumple has been asked for his help, and for a change, he wants to give it. Freely.
“He said the revolution for him is finally over; he’s ready to face his final battle. He wants to move on, but he can’t find the way.”
“The Dark One can lead him to the afterlife,” Belle informs King. “He’s done so before.”
“One problem, sweetheart: opening a portal to the Underworld requires a tremendous amount of magic.”
“And we’re in a Land Without,” Belle concludes.
“Not quite,” the captain leans back, proud to announce he has the solution. “You’re in San Antonio. A modern, multicultural metropolis, yes, but at its heart, deep, deep in its heart, it has not forgotten the old ways. It wasn’t just land barons and cowboys that founded this city. It was the children of a very old culture that believed in magic. Amid the bankers and software writers, you’ll find a few genuine curanderos, practitioners of healing arts. Part magic, part religion, part botanical science, and all faith. Find a curandero and you’ll find your magic supply.”
“Do curanderos advertise?” Belle wonders.
“Shops,” Rumple suggests. “They will have shops, if they’re actively practicing their art. If they aren’t— ” he shrugs. “They probably will know nothing that can help me.”
“I’ll search the Internet, you can talk to the concierge,” Belle surmises. “First thing in the morning, we’ll start working through our list.” She starts to walk into the sitting room.
King clears his throat to get their attention. “Pardon, madame, Dark One, but there are so many others, more deserving, your magic could help.”
“You, Captain?” Rumple raises an eyebrow.
“No, no, I’m quite happy here. But Moses Rose—let me ask you, Dark One, I’ve heard it said, there is always a price for magic. I fear that you and your lovely family will be the ones required to pay it. Is a coward worth it?”
Belle scowls into the mirror. “I’ve learned that most so-called ‘cowards’ and ‘villains’ are not what they seem. You can’t truly know a person until you’ve looked into his heart.”
Rumple raises his chin. “Even a coward deserves a second chance, Captain King.”
—————————————————————-
But as they drop onto the parlor couch after completing their research, Rumple ponders, “Belle, perhaps the captain has a point. Maybe I should send you and Gid on ahead, out of Texas, out the line of fire, if there is any.”
She presses her lips together; it’s the look Rumple calls her “stubborn-as-a-rock face.” He usually loses the arguments that start with that face. But before she can fashion her response, he reminds her, “We have to keep Gid safe.”
Her mouth twitches. That means she’s reconsidering, though she’s aggrieved by her new thoughts. “You could take the car, start out for Canada; I can catch up in a day or— ”
“Papa? Mama?”
Their heads shoot up from their lists. Gid, in his sleep pants and Celtics shirt, is standing in the hallway. Belle and Rumple exchange a worried look: he hasn’t called them “papa” and “mama” in years. He claims he’s too old for that, along with bedtime stories and tuck-ins. Both parents clamber to their feet and rush forward.
“What’s wrong, son?” “Gid? Don’t you feel well?”
“There’s a kid in the bathroom.”
________________________________
Belle leans over the sink and squints into the mirror, but she sees nothing, but she trusts her son and after meeting her first ghost just minutes ago, she’s sold on the idea that the Menger is inhabited by ghosts. That’s what she’s telling herself, anyway, as she shifts from side to side in an attempt to catch different views by changing her angle of vision. “Is he—she—still there?”
“He.” Gid peeks around from behind her. “He’s gone.” As Belle steps back, Gid huffs, “Well, he was here.”
“I believe you.” She rests her hand on his shoulder. “Your father and I were just speaking to a spirit.”
“Yeah?” Gid is relieved. Any other kid would find this news alarming, but he’s pleased to have his ghost encounter verified. Gid’s used to being unlike any other kid; after all, his parents are the Dark One and the Dark Lady, his grandparents included a fairy and Peter Pan, and his best buddy is the son of Prince Charming and Snow White. Gid would feel weird if he didn’t have strange experiences. He turns around and searches the bedroom. “Where is it?”
“Gone now.”
“Uhm, Belle… .” Rumple is pointing into the bathroom mirror. “It’s okay. You’re welcome here,” he says softly into the mirror.
Her hand on his back to support herself, Belle leans across the sink again. Looking back at her is a boy about Gid’s size, except he’s dressed in a loose gray shirt and brown trousers held up with suspenders. He needs a haircut and a wash, Belle notices—then chides herself for thinking like a modern mother. “Hello,” she softens her voice. “My name is Belle. What’s yours?”
“Ben.” The boy’s voice squeaks; he’s going through the vocal changes of puberty. Or, rather, would have been at the time of his…
“How can we help you, Ben?” Belle longs to reach out and smooth down the sweat-matted hair, but she folds her hands in front of her, offering the boy a signal of non-aggression.
“I was askin’ him.” The boy’s chin juts toward Gid. “You seen my brother?”
“I don’t believe so,” Belle answers. “What’s he look like?”
“Shorter than me. He’s eleven.” Ben straightens his shoulders. “I’m twelve. Our pa’s a gunnery man.”
“What’s your father’s name?” Rumple asks.
“Anthony. They killed him.”
“Is he with you?”
Ben lowers his head shamefully. “I ain’t gone lookin’ for him yet. Cain’t, not til I find Michael. He’ll wail me for sure. I was suppose’ to take care o’ him.”
Rumple chooses his words carefully. “Where did you last see Michael?”
The boy’s face scrunches up. “I can’t remember.”
“What was he doing?”
Ben’s eyes widen with horror and his mouth falls open for just a moment, then he vanishes. With a deep sigh, Rumple turns from the mirror.
“He asked me the same thing, to find his brother. He says the last thing his father said was to take care of Michael,” Gid explains, wringing his hands in his Celtics shirt. “He thinks his father hates him now.”
Belle slides a comforting arm around Gid’s shoulders and leads him into the sitting room. “Let’s see what we can find out, shall we?”
As they flop down on the couch and Belle reaches for her iPad, Gid smiles. Research—that’s Mom’s go-to answer for most problems and she’s nearly always right. Between her, with the Internet and books, and Dad, with his basement lab, they can almost always solve a problem. Gid even smirks a little. His parents maybe can’t shoot an arrow or toss around a sword like Neal’s, but they’re the smartest people in Storybrooke. Even Neal says so. In the hallway, Dad’s staring into that mirror again and there’s a low-toned conversation going on between Dad and that other ghost. Somehow Gid finds that reassuring.
“Here’s a start: Handbook of Texas.” Belle’s eyes dart over the column, then she looks up at Gid unblinking, which Gid knows means she’s got something she doesn’t want to tell him.
He tries to look at the Ipad sitting on her knee. “Mom, you can tell me. I already know he’s dead. It’s kinda obvious.” He manages to glimpse the word bayonet before she shuts the Ipad off.
“Ben and Michael and their father were all killed in the final attack on the Alamo.”
Rumple seats himself in one of the leather-backed wooden chairs. “Richard tells me there is no eleven-year-old boy among the Alamo spirits remaining on this side of the veil. Nor is there anyone answering to the name Wolf. The simple answer is the most likely one: Anthony and Michael Wolf moved on, perhaps immediately after their death.”
“Perhaps they’re searching for Ben in the Underworld.” Belle sets the Ipad aside. “Ben’s sense of responsibility must have kept him on this side. That’s what he meant when he said he wouldn’t go looking for his father until he found Michael first.”
“It seems I’ll have one more passenger to escort to the Underworld.” Rumple muses.
“You’re going to help Ben find his brother? Thanks, Dad!” Gid leaps to his feet. “Can I tell him?”
Rumple exchanges a questioning glance with Belle, who nods. “Go. But then we all need some sleep. We have to search for a magic man tomorrow.”
—————————————————————
Rumple looks up from the iPad as Belle comes in from the bedroom. “Is he asleep?” At her nod, he speculates, “He might have a nightmare or two tonight. Those were some heavy-duty stories we heard today.”
“I think he’ll be fine. He was jabbering about LaBron James while he was falling asleep.”
“He has your courage.”
“He’s a product of this world as much as he is of you and me. Another eight years and we’ll lose him to it, you know.”
Rumple shrugs. “We’ll just follow him out into it. Isn’t that what this vacation is really for, to see if you and I can adapt out here, away from Storybrooke?”
“And yet we can’t seem to escape the call of magic,” Belle grins wryly.
“Well, maybe that’s a good thing.” Rumple tests the thought. “Maybe I won’t have to give it up entirely, when we become citizens of this world.”
“You’d really give up magic, so we can stay close Gid?”
“I won’t let go of his hand.” There’s an ancient pain in his eyes that will never completely fade. “Not for any price.”
Belle curls up on the couch next to her husband, laying her head against his shoulder. “What were you reading?”
“About Richard King. You’re right; he’s the real deal. An indentured servant at age eleven, til he ran away and stowed aboard a ship. The crew found him, let him stay, started teaching him, and before long, he had a ship of his own transporting military supplies, and a monopoly on Rio Grande. Went from that to buying up land and breeding cattle. Part visionary, part speculator, part manipulator, completely self-made.”
“A little like you.”She yawns. “Though a whole lot more loquacious. I’ve been thinking about Ben Wolf. How sad it is, to die so young. And how powerful family ties are, that he would remain here, searching nearly three hundred years for his brother.”
“Aye.”
“If his brother is on the other side, will they find each other?”
“I’ve no doubt. Arthur will make sure of it.”
She clutches his hands in hers. “When the time comes, you’ll find Bae on the other side.”
“He’s in the Land of Heroes. Whether I’ll be allowed in, after all I’ve done… .”
“You are a hero, Rumple. And there’s so much more left you’ll do before it’s time for you to pass through.”
He presses his cheek against the top of her head.
————————————————————————
They’ve debated whether this is a good idea; it’s just another chapter in their ongoing debate about how much magic Gid should be exposed to. Interestingly enough, it’s been Belle who has pretty consistently argued in favor of expanding Gid’s education in this regard; after a period of doubt in his infant years, she eventually came to terms with the fact that her son would grow up to be a sorcerer. Whether he chose to use that part of his nature or not, he should learn about it, be prepared for the dangers as well as the benefits. Rumple has been of a mind that the less the boy knew, the less tempted he would be to “tinker.” When pressed, he would admit the truth: he was afraid Gid would be tempted down the dark path.
But, as he relents in this argument, curanderos practice light magic. If, indeed, there are any real mages left in San Antonio. So it is that Gid is packed into the back of the Caddy, and with Belle in the navigator’s seat and Rumple driving (and muttering his trademark “Use your friggin’ turn signal, Sheep-Dip-for-Brains”), they set out to find a genuine spiritual healer. Their list takes them to unexpected places: a strip mall in the northeast part of the city, then to a cluster of boutique shops in the neighborhood the locals call “the 09,” where Belle supposes this world’s princesses shop. Then it’s to expected places, wandering the worn streets of the West side, where next door to barber shops, car washes and churches, psychics hold court in their living rooms. They needn’t have worried about Gid: bored, he occupies himself with his Game Boy. Besides, as Rumple is quick to report, there’s no magic here. He doesn’t even have to go inside a shop to know it’s a fake; he can smell it. “After three hundred years, I can detect the scent from a block away.”
“What does it smell like?” Belle muses. She’s expecting something exotic, like “the breath of a unicorn in winter” or something enticing, like chocolate.
“Burning leaves and the hair of wet, muddy sheepdogs.”
They scour the West side, stopping at a taqueria for lunch. They’re at the last entry on their lists and Gid is pressing them to give up for the day and go to Splashtown when a soft voice interrupts, “Excuse me. Maybe I can help.” They both look up at their waitress, who’s setting glasses of tea and soda on their table. “Is your son sick?”
“No, he’s fine,” Belle assures her.
“Another in your family?” She nods at Belle’s list, headed with bold capital letters. “Not to be nosy, but you’re looking for a curandero.”
Belle and Rumple exchange worried looks. What would happen if they admitted to a stranger, whose name they don’t even know, that the Dark One is seeking a source of magic so he can open a portal to the Underworld and send two ghosts there?
“We are,” Rumple admits. “For two friends who are…not where they should be. Who need to go home.”
She offers a faint crooked smile. “To somewhere a Greyhound ticket can’t take them, I suppose?”
“Can you help us?”
“My aunt can.”
———————————————————-
They’ve just finished their beef fajitas when Leticia returns with a fortyish woman in a Laura Ashley skirt and blouse at her elbow. Rumple rises, and as soon as he collects his manners, Gid does too. The newcomer’s dark hair is cut in a pageboy that shows off her sharp cheekbones and her pearl earrings. Her eyes are a bright blue, like Belle’s. Belle would have guessed her to be the manager of a Riverwalk gift shop or an ‘09 boutique, not a curandera—but then, the stylish witches and warlocks she’d met over the years had shown her not to expect stereotypes. As she begins to pick up the dirty dishes, the waitress identifies her guest. “Mr. and Mrs. Gold, this is my aunt, Consuelo Leal. Aunt Connie, this–”
Leticia doesn’t get to finish her introduction—doesn’t need to. Connie Leal’s lips part in amazement, then her head cocks, then she blinks herself back to awareness and offers her hand. “I am stunned. It’s a… . rare opportunity to meet the Dark One.”
Rumple grins and offers a similar greeting that no one hears over the clatter of a plate that Leticia drops. “The Dark… .” The waitress echoes faintly. “Oh my god.”
Other diners and waitstaff swing around to stare at the source of the disturbance. Belle slides out of her seat and kneels, picking up the broken pieces of plate. Red-faced, Leticia kneels too, taking the pieces from Belle. “Oh, ma’am, let me get that. Here, Jorge’s coming with a broom.” Still flustered, Leticia gathers the remaining plates and hurries into the kitchen with them as a young man in an apron brushes up the shards.
“Let’s go somewhere more private,” Connie suggests, looking around. “The party room.” She sweeps her hand in the direction of a space curtained off from the main dining room. She escorts them in, flicks the lights on and invites them to be seated; for herself she selects a chair at the head of the table. Gid leaps to the fore, pulling out a chair for her as Rumple does the same for Belle. “Very good, son,” Belle murmurs. When they’re all seated, Rumple begins, “We’ve searched this city for a genuine curandero. Obviously we’ve found one.” His nose twitches slightly; later, he admits to Belle, he’s smelled chocolateand cinnamon—the scent of light magic—on Connie’s blouse.
“Curandera,” she corrects mildly.
“Apologies. I can see the magic surrounding you.”
“It hasn’t always been a blessing, though I’ve tried to use it that way. You, however—“
“No, that’s true; for too many years I used my magic for selfish purposes. But today, I’m asking for help on behalf of someone else. I hope that, knowing that, you’ll consent to assisting me.”
“I see your magic around you too.” She falls quiet for a moment, then admits, “It’s very confusing. I see light magic in the Dark One.”
“I was fated for light magic, but I was set off course. I’ve struggled to get back.” He glances guiltily at Belle, who clasps his hand. “I don’t always succeed.”
“Tell me what you want.”
He sits back in his chair, a sign that he’s comfortable, that he trusts her; he’s not often like that with strangers, and that simple gesture sells Belle on trusting this woman too. She smiles her thanks at Connie, grateful that at least, their plea will be heard.
“We have been approached,” Rumple begins. “Two souls who want to go home but can’t find their way. They’ve been on this side of the veil too long, can’t remember where to go.” At her encouraging nod, he gets a little more specific: “They are waiting at the Alamo.”
“Ohhh.” She fiddles with a salt shaker.
“You’ve been approached too, haven’t you?” Belle guesses.
“More than once,” Connie admits. “It’s why I hardly ever go downtown any more. I can’t do anything for them. I can heal bodies, relieve anxiety, but that—” she shakes her head.
“I can lift the veil.”
Connie gasps. “I’ve read that it’s possible, but—I thought only Merlin had power like that.”
“I’m not sure myself how it happened. One minute I was dead, the next I was resurrected. My elder son sacrificed his life to bring me back. Having passed through the veil and back has given me a free pass to the Underworld.”
“Amazing. You really are one of a kind.”
He draws a half-smile. “Not really. A rival of mine was chosen by the gods to be given a second life.” Belle snorts; despite working alongside Hook in research projects, she retains doubts about him, and she certainly wouldn’t label him as more special than her husband.
“We all have a role to play that we can’t see for ourselves,” Connie muses. “A part in the human play.”
“So I can go under the veil and lead my acquaintances home, but”–he points at the salt shaker and snaps his fingers. The shaker remains secure in Connie’s grasp. He shrugs. “I can’t reach my magic.”
“You need a reservoir.”
“Yes.”
“I use the term intentionally, not metaphorically.”
He ponders before grasping her meaning. “Oh… yes… .” He’d studied the healing arts, of course; over three hundred years he’d studied every branch of magic. Healing had been a wonderful bargaining tool. Besides, after he’d figured out that any family member of the Dark One was vulnerable for attack for revenge seekers, he’d learned how to magically stitch lacerations, reduce swelling, and knit broken bones. But he hadn’t had need of that magic often enough for it to come easily to his fingertips, so he was bit rusty on the basics. “The river.”
“The river.” Connie explains to Belle, “All rivers contain a slight amount of healing magic for those who know how to access it and use it properly. Rivers bring life, after all. But some have more power than others, and the San Antonio River is one of the strongest. Local curanderas have tapped into its magic for centuries.”
Asking for help has never come easily for Rumplestiltskin. When he was a half-starved, neglected child, he was blamed for his father’s failed con jobs; when he was the ward of two eccentric old women, he was considered too weird to befriend; when he was a lame war deserter, deserted by his wife, his neighbors resented the fact that he had survived when their soldiers had died. The few times he’d asked for help, he’d been refused, so he quit asking. But since he’d learned his true destiny, he’d allowed Belle to nudge him towards society, for the sake of their son, who needs acceptance and friendship, and so he’s learned to offer help, usually freely. Asking for help, that’s something he’s still working on.
The request comes a little easier, though, when it’s for someone else. Especially when the someone else are a war deserter and a boy separated from his family. “Ms. Leal, will you come with me to the river and teach me how to access its healing magic?”
She takes a moment to consider. He expects that; but what he doesn’t expect is that she’s studying Gid, not him. Maybe she thinks Gid is too young to disseminate. Finally she stands up and he stands too, partly out of etiquette, but largely because he’s ready to grab her arm if she walks away.
She does walk away, but not before she answers him. “Tonight. I’ll meet you in the lobby of the Menger at 11:30.”
“Thank you.” But she’s already walking away. He wonders if she looks down upon him because of his evil past, or whether she doubts herself, fears what he might do when she grants him access to magic. As long as she helps, that’s what matters.
So once again the Golds have to debate the question whether Gid will be allowed to be exposed to an act of magic. Rumple wins this round: the meeting with Connie is set for so late that Gid probably won’t stay awake through it, nor does Belle feel comfortable having her ten-year-old out in a dark and unfamiliar area. They explain it to him at supper (Korean barbeque in the Castle Hills area). He throws a fit, of course, throws every argument in his bag of tantrums at them, but they stand firm and united. “Tomorrow, when you wake up, we’ll go on to New Braunfels.”
“The corridor?” He brightens.
“Charreada,” Belle corrects. “Yes. I hear a special horse will perform. He’s what’s called a Friesian and he’s eighteen hands high—that’s six foot tall!”
“That must be the biggest horse in the world!” Gid’s only seen two horses in his life, those owned by David and Regina, and he promptly decides neither of those horses can match up to Don Pepe. He borrows Mom’s iPad to search for photos of the great Friesian and by supper’s end, Don Pepe has replaced Trigger in Gid’s estimation.
Belle frowns, looking down at her chicken katsu. “Did I just bribe him? We said we weren’t going to do that.”
Rumple lifts a shoulder. “Consider it a deal. We were going to New Braunfels tomorrow, regardless of how he behaves tonight.”
Back in the quiet of the Roy Rogers Suite, Rumple goes to the hallway mirror with Belle by his side and has a friendly chat with Richard, just to say goodbye, then he summons Moses Rose. The face that appears before him is quintessential codger: heavily lined and tanned brown as leather, a nose that hooks over a collapsed mouth, a bushy white beard that stretches from ear to ear. He’s holding a cane. The old dude yanks his battered hat from his head when he spies Belle. “Evenin’, missus. Ain’t you the pretty one, though?”
“Thank you, Mr. Rose.”
“Mr. Rose, we’ve found a way to help you, if you still want to cross over to the Afterlife,” Rumple begins.
“You know, young man, I waited all these years for somebody to tell the truth about me. Get my name cleared.” He turns his whiskey eyes to Belle. “Ma’am, they call me the Coward of the Alamo. They say I ran instead of standin’ to fight with the heroes. But it wa’nt like that. Travis, he said, if you want to go, go. We’re gonna die for sure, he said. Well, I thought they was all a pack of fools. What good would it do, when they was just gonna get killed anyway? I’m no coward, ma’am, I want you to know. I want somebody to know. I served under Napoleon. You think he woulda tolerate any cowards in his army? No coward, damn it, but they call me that, all these years. So when I died, I came back here. Walked all the way from Nacogdoches to pick up a rifle and stand with them that stayed. I been here with ‘em all this time, figurin’ somebody would see me, speak up for me, and then my name’d be clear. But nobody never did. The Coward of the Alamo. So I’m givin’ up, lightin’ out for the other side. The people there’ll know the truth about me.”
Belle assures him, “I’m sure they will. I’m sure Arthur will see to it. Good luck to you, Mr. Rose.”
“Stay ready, then. I’ll call you again when it’s time to lift the veil,” Rumple instructs. “Now, can you find another spirit for me, a boy named Ben Wolf? He’ll be coming with us.”
“I know the boy,” Moses reports. “I can find him.” He leans forward confidentially. “He thinks he’s a coward, ‘cause he took his brother and hid in the chapel when Santa Ana broke through. He thinks he shoulda stayed to load guns for his pa, like some of the other boys did.”
“Arthur will help him too, to find his brother,” Belle insists.
“I’ll find him–”
But Gid is calling from the bathroom; turns out Moses need not search. “Dad, Mom! Ben’s here.”
————————————————————
He hasn’t had much experience with ghosts—er, unchained spirits; in the Enchanted Forest days, with his existence entirely focused on the tasks that would eventually reunite him with Bae, he’d ignored that element of the supernatural, in the assumption that the bodiless would have nothing to add to his research. As he’s matured, he’s learned to be less judgmental, not just because of his developing sense of fairness, but but also for practical matters: every living being, and those not-exactly-living, has skills or knowledge that can be useful, even to a very old, very powerful mage.
So, with his lack of experience, Rumple has to admit that he doesn’t know what it will take for Ben and Moses to make the journey tonight. Sustaining a visible form takes a heavy dose of energy; getting to Underworld will take an hour or more. Can they hold up that long? Moses admits he’s only “gone thick” a few times, for a few minutes, in his post-death existence; Ben has even less practice. Richard, who’s been a frequent “guest among the guests” is brought into the conversation. He concurs with Rumple’s assessment; a tremendous expenditure of energy will be required, and the unpracticed may not be able to hold on for the entire trip.
“But they don’t have to.” Richard runs his finger along the edges of his side of the mirror. “Take a mirror with you. They can ride along in it, until you pass through the veil.”
“I have just the thing.” Belle dashes off to the bedroom, returning with her tote bag. Rumple knows what she’s thinking before she reaches into the bag, but she explains for Richard’s sake. She produces a silver hand mirror, an engraved rose curling up the handle. “This belonged to my mother. It’s one of the few keepsakes I have from her.”
Rumple shares a soft smile with her as they recall the afternoon he gifted her with that mirror, the day after he’d brought magic to Storybrooke and she regained her memories. It was the first time he’d been happy to see her cry. He’d held her tightly until her tears ceased, then he’d made her a cup of tea and sat her down to tell her how he’d obtained the mirror and why. A few days after she’d come to live in the Dark Castle, he’d made a solo trip back to Avonlea to pick through the rubble for her clothes and her books. As he’d passed silently through the crumbling walls of Maurice’s castle, he’d entered first the master chambers. Very little was salvageable—what hadn’t been smashed by ogres had been looted by returning citizens after Maurice and his courtiers had fled to another castle. But on the floor beside an overturned vanity table, he’d found a lovely silver comb, brush and mirror set that he suspected had once belonged to the lady of the house, and he’d tucked them away, intending to offer them to Belle as Yuletide gifts.
Except, by Yuletide, Belle was gone.
As she lays her offering on the ornamental table beneath the Western paintings, Rumple realizes what he must do. Turning her around, he takes her in his arms. “Sweetheart, we agreed that one of us has to stay behind with Gid. But it doesn’t have to be you.”
Her eyes widen. “Are you saying I should—But without magic—”
“With Ms. Leal’s assistance, I’ll open the portal. When you’re ready to come back, Arthur will reopen it. In between, you won’t need magic. Charon will take care of you. Belle, this will be your chance to see your mother again.”
“How will I find her? She wasn’t in Hades’ Underbrooke.”
“That space was just one of hundreds in the Underworld, one that Hades created especially for Zelena. I doubt that it exists now. Arthur will show you to the land where your mother resides.”
Instantly Belle is digging into her tote bag for her wallet. She flips it open and a strip of photos falls from it. “I can show her baby pictures—oh, Rumple, she’ll adore that! To know she’s got a grandson! Our wedding pictures, Gid learning how to walk, his first day of school—she’ll be so thrilled! But Rumple, are you sure? Are you sure I can do this, without magic?”
“I’m sure. Remember, the King of the Underworld is on our side now. But if it will put you at ease.” He removes his wedding ring—formerly, his sorcerer’s ring, through which he could channel and amplify his magic—and slides it onto her thumb. Before they’d left Storybrooke, he’d stored an ounce of magic in the ring’s moonstone, not enough to do much more than heal a sprained ankle or change the color of a traffic light, but it just made him feel a little more normal. The ring is heavy, heavier than its natural weight, and warm, with a faint buzz emanating from the stone.
As she adjusts it, she makes up her mind. “I’ll do it. I’ll find my mother and tell her all about you and Gid.”
He winces. “Maybe not everything. I want her to like me.”
She throws her arms around his neck and kisses him. “I won’t take too long. I’ll be back at sunrise.”
“Take as much time as you need, beloved. We’ll wait.”
——————————————————————–
They’ve squeezed into Connie’s Honda, Rumple in the backseat, a half-asleep Gid slumped across his knees, while Belle and her tote bag, carrying her precious cargo, ride in the front. Connie insists on examining the mirror before they set out; she finds the shadows of a young boy and an old man shimmering beneath the reflective surface. “Smart.” Satisfied, she returns the mirror, then starts the engine and backs out of the parking space. “Now what’s this about you going instead of him? Shouldn’t it be someone who’s crossed over before?”
“I have, and returned safely.” Belle doesn’t want to relive that memory, so she changes the subject. “Where are we going?”
Connie grunts, but allows Belle to keep her secrets. “It’s your funeral, I suppose.”
“Very funny,” Rumple huffs.
“We’re going down to the Missions. We’ll get there right about midnight.” She doesn’t have to explain the significance of the timing to the Dark One and his lady. “It’ll be quieter there; the bars along the Riverwalk stay open until two. Besides, the magic is stronger at the Missions. Purer.”
Though the time is past eleven-thirty, the streets are crowded with staggering pedestrians who pay no attention to oncoming traffic, their laughter and ribald jokes interlaced with horns honking. Connie slides easily in and out of the mess, until at last they’re free of downtown and cruising through slumberingneighborhoods, with only patches of light from the streetlamps overhead to guide them over pothole-littered dark streets. The parked cars and worn-down houses grow sparser as they continue south. “We’re going to Mission Espada.” As they pass under a streetlight, Connie’s brown eyes seem to flash, then darken again as they leave the safety of the light. “The oldest mission in Texas.”
Belle clutches at a good omen. “Espada. That means ‘hope,’ doesn’t it?”
Connie’s eyes flash under another streetlight. “You’re thinking of esperanza. Espada means ‘sword.’”
“Strange name for a church.”
“Saving souls was only one reason that Spain built these missions. The other was to keep the French from out and quell the Indians.”
Belle reclaims her good omen when they pass a library.
Another ten minutes or so and Connie swings the Honda onto the highway, then off again, onto a quiet road. She pulls into a small gravel parking lot behind a tall stone structure. “This is it.” She pockets her keys as she waits for her passengers to unload.
Away from the streetlights and traffic, Belle feels the tension drop away from her shoulders.It’s too dark tosee much of the old church, but something about its presence, so tall and ancient, calms her nerves. Reluctantly, Rumple shakes Gid’s shoulder, urging him to waken, and the Golds walk hand in hand behind their guide. Belle lights the path with the flashlight in her iPhone. So that they can follow her voice in the dark, she talks as she leads them through thick brush. For their edification, she points out some local plants: “Mesquite—good for treating open wounds and reducing fever. Huisache—to treat rashes and diarrhea.Spiny hackberry—sore throats.Pecan.”
“What’s pecan good for?”
Connie pauses to grin at Belle. “Pies.” They’ve cleared the brush now and have come to the river. Carefully they pick their way down the grassy slope to the water, and Connie kneels. The Golds kneel on either side of her as she stretches out her arms over the water and prays in Spanish, and Belle could swear the river answers her by roiling up. She cups her hands to raise a sampling of the water toward the sky and her prayer intensifies. She swings her hands over Belle’s head and lets the water drizzle between her fingers onto Belle’s hair.
Belle shivers. “I can feel it! There’s a vibration in the water, the same as in Rumple’s ring.”
“Cool,” Gid approves.
Finishing her prayer, Connie rocks back on her knees and sighs. “I always feel younger after coming here. Are you ready to go, Belle?”
She inspects the contents of her tote bag one last time. “Ready.”
“Tell Arthur hi for me.” Rumple stands and reaches into his jeans for his key ring. Opening the small pocket knife he keeps attached to his keys, he looks down into the roiling water. “This river’s got Storybrooke Lake beat by a mile. Here goes.” He slides the blade across his palm, then as blood oozes from the laceration, he turns his hand over and lets the blood drip into the river. A sudden mist blankets the river and as Connie rises to her feet, an ancient skiff navigated by a hooded figure glides into view. Rumple binds his wounded hand with a handkerchief as Belle grabs Gideon and pulls him in for a hug and a kiss. “Now I want you to go straight to bed, as soon as you get back to the hotel. Try to get some sleep. I’ll be waiting here when you come back for me in the morning. Deal?”
“Yes, Mom.” As she starts to pull away, he clutches her sleeve. “Mom, are you scared?”
“Just a little.”
“I would be too.” He fishes something out of his pocket and presses it into her hand. “This will help.”
She opens her palm. He’s given her the medal he won this year for scoring the most free throws for the Storybrooke Giants. “Thank you, son. I’ll bring it back safe and sound.” After a last hug from her boy, she throws her arms around her husband. His scruff scratches her cheek as he kisses her. “See you at sunrise, darling.”
“I’m proud of you, sweetheart.”
Confident that the river will keep her upright, she steps out into the water. At midpoint, she should be fully submerged, but her feet float atop the waves. She glances over her shoulder to wave goodbye to her men, then proceeds to the skiff. The hooded figure shifts his ferryman’s pole to his left hand so he reach out with his right, steadying her as she climbs aboard. Before she can wave again, the mist engulfs the boat and she can see nothing.
Underworld
The fog lifts as they enter a brightly lit cavern. Belle has to blink to clear her eyes; Charon gives her a moment to adjust, then look around. Beneath her, the river that carried them here is placid and crystal clear. On shore, a string quartet plays a cello suite.The skiff is just one of many parked alongside docks, where waiters in white shirts and bow ties stand with silver salvers holding hors d’ourves and brandy in snifters. Most of the boats are unoccupied, but those that are peopled are all directed by hooded ferrymen (and -women). The waiters assist new arrivals from “above” out of their boats before offering greetings, refreshments and directions. She lifts her head, seeking the artificial lights, but sees none. She takes a moment to admire the ceiling, which is covered with an incredibly vivid and colorful painting of Mount Olympus; the style of the mural reminds her of the Sistine Chapel.
A baritone with a classy English accent carries across the water.“He painted it, while he was here before moving on.”
“Michelangelo?” Belle practically squeals as she casts a second look upon the mural. “He was here?”
Arthur shrugs. “Everyone comes through here, remember. I’m told Hades fouled up the paperwork and while that was being straightened out, Michelangelo needed something to pass the time, so, voila.”
“I suspect that paperwork conveniently showed up the day after the mural was finished,” Belle says dryly as Arthur hands her out of the boat.
“Funny how that works, isn’t it? And that piece you’re listening to now? Specially written for the Underworld, compliments of J. S. Bach’s lost paperwork.” As her feet land safely on the wooden dock, Charon moves his boat away. Arthur continues to hold Belle’s hands while he leans forward to kiss her on both cheeks.He then takes a half-step back to admire her. “You look well. How are things in Storybrooke?”
“Everyone’s fine. We’ve been away a while—”
“Yes, touring the world. Are you enjoying it all?” He offers her a snifter. “Napoleon brandy—distilled by Bonaparte himself, thanks to a transposed date on his paperwork.”
“Immensely. The world is so big, so diverse, and so utterly fascinating.” Belle sniffs the brandy’s bouquet before taking a sip.
“I hope you can spare an hour to tell me about it.” He places her hand in the crook of his elbow and turns her about. “A midnight supper, perhaps? Julia Child is here. She got so bored cooking for the gods; they’re all on butter-free diets.”
“I’d love to, but I came on a mission—”
“Yes, of course. Pardon me for getting distracted. It isn’t often that people make us part of their vacation plans. I keep a close watch on your husband, as well as the world’s magic users, and I was quite excited when you decided to escort your new friends here.” He walks her to the end of the dock, but before she can step off, they’re suddenly standing in his office. It’s a thoroughly modern space, with clean-lined B & B Italia sofas, chairs and desks. There are no file cabinets or “in” boxes, but there’s a smart board on the east wall and a laptop in every corner and Arthur carries an iPhone hooked to his belt. Music from the string quartet is piped in.
And most importantly, most amazingly, there’s Lady Colette pacing and wringing her hands in the center of the room. Her curls are immaculate, her lacy dress looks brand new and there are no wrinkles in her face—in fact, Belle thinks, her mother looks younger than she does. “Belle!”
Belle falls backward against a desk as a body comes flying at her and arms engulf her. Mother and daughter hug… and hug… and hug, and kiss cheeks and gabble greetings. In all this confusion, Arthur comes up behind, straightens Belle, then takes her tote bag and sets it gently on the desk.He then stands back, hands folded, indulgently waiting for the excitement to die down.
“I have so much to tell you!” Both women squeal simultaneously, but Belle ends, “Oh, but there’s something I have to do first.” She reaches back for the tote bag.
“Yes, your guests.” Setting a soft hand on Belle’s shoulder, Colette leans in to watch as Belle withdraws her mirror from the bag.
Colette gasps and clasps a hand to her mouth. “Oh my gods, I recognize that! How did you—”
“There’s a great big story attached to this,” Belle grins. “Adventure, horror, the supernatural, and romance. I’ll tell you all about it soon, but first… .” She moves to the center of the room, holds the mirror at arm’s length and calls out: “Mr. Rose, Ben, come forth, please.”
There’s nothing dramatic about it—it’s like Rumple’s magic when he’s not showing off. One minute it’s just Belle, holding a mirror and calling; then next, it’s a little hunch-shouldered guy with a bushy white beard and beady blue eyes that dart from face to face, then take in the room. Attempting to hide behind the old guy is a too-thin, shaggy adolescent.
Arthur extends a hand. “Mr. Rose, Master Wolf, welcome. I’m Arthur. I run things here. And this is Lady Colette of Avonlea.”
Rose wipes his hands on his dungarees, shakes Arthur’s hand and nods at Colette. “Mornin’. Or, I guess, evenin’. Feel kinda discombobulated just now.” He tosses a growl over his shoulder. “Come on outta there, boy. You’re breathin’ down my neck.” But Ben doesn’t move away from his safe spot. His eyes search the room for a comfortably familiar face—Gid’s, Belle realizes.
Arthur is chatting with Rose, attempting to allay his suspicions by assuring him he hasn’t arrived in Tartarus; he isn’t here for judgment or punishment. “In fact, where are my manners? Would you care for some refreshment? Beer? A sandwich?” He directs an offering to Ben: “Cookies? Julia makes the most mouth-watering chocolate chip cookies.”
Colette intervenes, “Arthur, may I suggest first, we reunite them with their families?”
Arthur smiles at Rose. “If you’re ready, then?” He presses a button on his phone. “Henrietta, send them in, please.” Turning back to his guests, he informs them, “Your parents and your brother are here, Ben; they’ve been waiting for you, all these years. But Mr. Rose, I’m afraid I couldn’t find any relatives for you.”
Rose looks at his cracked boots. “Got none. Raised a orphan, never married.”
“But there is someone who wants to welcome you, and when you’re ready, take you over to your next stop.”
The double doors swing wide and three people dash into the room, and before anyone can speak, Ben is lost in a sea of arms and kisses. Arthur chuckles. “I guess you folks remember each other, all right.”
Belle can make out bits of the noisy exchange. “Ma! Pa!”
“Oh, Benny, we’re so glad—“
“Mikey, I didn’t mean to—“
“It ain’t nothin’, Ben. Not your fault. Them toy soldiers in their pretty blue and red suits—“ ”
“Pa, I shoulda stayed, loaded guns for you—maybe you wouldn’t’ve got killed. Ma, I didn’t mean to—“
“It wasn’t your fault, son. Like your brother says, it wasn’t your fault, none of it.”
“You ain’t no deserter. You just did what I told you to, takin’ care of your little brother, right up until the end.”
There’s more, lots of crying and hugging and exchanges of forgiveness, but the family closes in on itself and Belle looks away, giving them a bit of privacy. Besides, a new arrival has commanded the attention of her mother, Arthur and Rose. He’s an imposing figure, tall, dressed in buckskin, lean as a whip and just as sharp, and Belle recognizes him from paintings around San Antonio. Moses snatches off his battered hat in respect as he utters, “Mr. Crockett.”
Arthur waves the newcomer into the room and brings the women forward for introductions. “Ladies, I’d like you to meet Congressman David Crockett. Congressman, may I introduce Lady Colette and her daughter, Belle Gold.”
The tall man cocks a smile as he shakes their hands. “They mostly call me Davy, ma’am. Good to know you. And thank you for bringing one of my boys home, Mrs. Gold.”
Moses’ jaw drops as his lips silently form the word my. His eyebrows raise in a question.
“We’ve been waitin’ for you, Mose.”
The old man’s voice squeaks. “We?”
“All the boys are here, except for those we left on guard duty.”
Rose shrinks against the Wolfs, as if seeking to hide within their circle. “You gonna send me to the firin’ squad?”
“No, Mose, we come to bring you back with us.” Crockett takes a step forward, worrying his hat in his hand.
The wrinkled faces scrunches up. “I don’t unnerstand.”
“To the final resting place.” Crockett takes another step forward. “If you want.”
“Or you can stay here until you’re ready,” Arthur offers. “Some call it the Elysian Fields, some call it Paradise or Heaven. It’s whatever you imagine it to be. I like to call it Valhalla, home of heroes.”
Michael Wolf pipes up: “That’s where we’re goin’ too.”
Rose’s misty eyes swing from Arthur to Crockett. “You sure? You ain’t—”
“No, Mose, I wouldn’t pull your leg about a thing like that.” Crockett tilts his head toward the door. “The boys are all waitin’ outside, so we can march together, like soldiers.”
“Like soldiers.” Rose licks his lips, then slaps his hat onto this head. “All right, then. Guess I’m ready. ‘Cept—“ He squeezes Belle’s forearm. “Missus, you and your man, you been—well, I ‘preciate it. That’s all.”
“It’s been a pleasure, Mr. Rose. Pleasant journey.”
“Reckon I’ll see you and him again.” He approaches Crockett, who clasps him on the shoulder. Rose pauses to glance back with a wide grin. “In the restin’ place of heroes!”
Michael whoops, and at their mother’s bidding the Wolf family, arm in arm, follows the Congressman and the soldier out into the night.
Colette fumbles for a handkerchief in her sleeve; even Arthur has to brush at his eyes. “Well then!” He pushes a button on his phone again. “Julia, we’re hungry!” He waves a hand at a cluster of chairs and couches in the corner. “Ladies, would you care to be seated? I’m going to go toss the salad for Mrs. Child. We’ll have supper ready in a jiffy—but not too soon. I’m sure you have a lot of catching up to do.”
“Thank you, Arthur,” Colette dabs at her damp cheeks.
As the women make their way to one of the couches, Belle is fumbling in her tote bag. “I brought pictures, Mother. Loads of pictures. Mother, you’re a grandma now!”
Colette throws her arms around her daughter. “Yes, I know; I’ve been following your story.” She points at a laptop. “Arthur allows us to tune in. Oh, Belle, I’m so happy for you, so proud of what you’veaccomplished. You saved Rumplestiltskin’s soul; do you realize that? Because of you, the Dark One found the light. You saved Avonlea; you saved the world!”
Belle blushes. “Mother, all I did was try to support the man I love. He made the decision himself, to come to the light. He makes that decision, every day, for his family’s sake. He’s a hero, Mother.”
“So are you, my baby, so are you.” Colette seats herself, patting the space beside her. “Sit, my baby, sit and show me pictures of my beautiful grandson, and tell me everything!”
It’s half past seven, nearly an hour past sunrise. Connie and Gid sit on the riverbank, nearly in the exact same spot as last night, except this time the boy is fully awake. They’re drinking orange juice from a thermos that she’d stopped to buy, along with Egg McMuffins, because when she picked them up at the hotel, she could tell at a glance they hadn’t eaten anything. She’s keeping the boy’s mind off what’s happening in the river—or rather, what’s not happening—by sharing some insider gossip about the Spurs. She’s made no attempt to amuse the Dark One. She’d think less of him if he weren’t worried.
She has been puzzling about him, though. The oldest, most powerful magic user she’s ever met, and here he shows up in her hometown with a wife and a kid and Triple A TripTik in his back jeans pocket, like some ordinary middle-aged tourist. The oldest, most powerful dark magic user, of all time, so say the books; and yet he lives in a four-bedroom house in a small town and makes a living selling antiques and collecting rent, when he could live in Paris or London or Barcelona—when he could own Paris or London or Barcelona. He could have forced her to kneel before him, but instead he’d asked for her help with a humble please.
And the most puzzling fact of all: all that light magic buzzing around him, like a colony of honeybees circling their hive, protecting it, busily producing something good in it. Yet, there’s an equal number of killer wasps buzzing around him too, producing pools of evil inside him, tar against the honey. More darkness than any single human has ever carried, and more light, too. How does he contain it all? How does he not just explode?
As for herself, she’s grateful that the Universe gave her this chance to observe him, but she’ll be just as grateful when he leaves. Preferably, permanently.
She feels a rumbling in the ground beneath her and she clambers to her feet. “Your mom’s coming.” She gathers the trash from meal and stuffs it into a bag as Gid runs toward his father, stretching his neck as far as it will go, to see around the bend. Mist suddenly, inexplicably rises from the water, and Gid acknowledges her observation. “Yup! That’s Mom, all right. Look, Dad, there’s that thing on the front of the boat.”
“That’s a griffin.” Rumple steps out into the river, ignoring the mud gathering on his Justin Hidalgos and the water soaking the cuffs of his Levis. “Yes, there’s Charon, and behind him, there’s Mom, about to fall out of the boat.”
It’s true: Belle is waving so hard she’s off-balance. “Rumple! Gid! My boys!” No sooner has Charon poled the skiff into shallow water than she’s leaped off, splashing enthusiastically, soaking her Stella McCartney slacks. Then she’s in their arms and they’re in hers and everything is all right again.
“I have so much to tell you.” She raises her face, allowing Rumple to brush away her tears with his knuckles.
Gid can’t hold still. “Did you get ‘em there okay? Did Ben find his brother?”
“Yes, and they’re all together now, and they’ve left for the Land of Heroes, and Davy Crockett was there; he came to collect Moses and take him to Elysium too, and my mother—she looks wonderful, Rumple, so happy and so much younger than I remember. Wait, I have pictures of her! And Arthur, and the Wolfs and Davy, oh, and Julia Child, and you should see what Arthur’s done with the place… .”
Connie opens the passenger side door of her Honda and tosses the trash onto the floorboard. “Hey, Gid, why don’t you ride shotgun so your parents can sit together in the back.”
“Connie!” Belle brings the surprised curandera in for a hug. “Thank you! Thanks to you, everyone’s back where they belong, and I got to see my mother again.”
Connie doesn’t know quite what to say, so she just nods. She’s healed many a sick or injured client in her time, but she’s never sent anyone to Hell before (or rather, the Underworld), though she’s wanted to.
“We owe you, far more than your financial compensation,” Rumple admits, opening the back door for Belle.
“I dunno, that fee’s going to pay my mortgage off,” Connie winks at him. “But tell you what: I would like to hear what it’s like there, so why don’t you treat me to lunch.”
"Our pleasure,” Rumple agrees. “Your niece’s restaurant?”
“Heck, no, I wouldn’t eat in that dump. I know a nice little place in Southtown where they serve afternoon tea.” She slides in behind the steering wheel. “It’s called The Madhatter’s.”
Belle and Rumple exchange wry smiles. “Madhatter’s, huh?” Belle muses. “We know a guy who’s called that.”
“I’m sure it’s not the same man, sweetheart,” Rumple objects. “Jefferson’s hardly the tea shop kind. More like a travel agent, I think.”
“Or a haberdasher, but that would be rather on the nose, wouldn’t it? A Halloween costume designer, I think. Or an opera singer.”
“I doubt if his vocal chords could handle the high notes. But I agree about something stagy. An actor of melodramas, perhaps. Yes, I can see him in one of the swirly capes, with handlebar mustaches that he twirls.” They press their foreheads together as they giggle.
Connie rolls her eyes and leans in toward Gid. “Your parents always that goofy?”
“Yeah.” The boy sighs deeply. “It’s a burden, but I’ve learned to put up with them.”
“Never would have figured the Dark One for a nerd.”
“You wouldn’t, would you? That’s why it works, I guess. People don’t know what to expect.”
“You want to be a sorcerer when you grow up?”
Gid snorts. “Are you kidding? ‘Wizard of the Hoops,’ that’s me.”
“I’ll watch for you in the NBA.”
————————————————————————–
New Braunfels
Sweaty and dusty and sunburnt, the Golds stagger down from the grandstand. They’ve spent the entire day under the blazing sun as they watched charros perform: roping bulls, riding broncos, bull dogging, performing rope tricks from atop a loping horse. They’ve gasped as the six-foot tall stallion Don Pepe danced like Nureyev across the rodeo ring. They’ve watched the more incredible show of bravery, seemingly reckless, as cowboys galloped their mounts at top speed straight towards the ring’s fence, then reined them to a stop on a dime. The greatest test of bravery, though, they all agree, is the escaramuza, a tightly choreographed exhibit of synchronized riding by the charras, eight girls—the youngest, only eight—riding sidesaddle in huge traditional skirts and hats, cantering in intricate patterns that take them within inches of collision. The horses manage to dodge each other just in time, and the riders never lose balance. “It’s like a game of chicken on horseback,” Gid breathes.
“Ice water in their veins,” Rumple comments. “Nearly gives me a heart attack just watching.”
“Avonlea was known far and wide for great horsemen, but not a one of ours could hold a candle to these girls.” Belle rises to her feet, applauding as the charras finish their performance; all the spectators follow suit.
As the sun sets, the master of ceremonies dances out on Don Pepe. “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your applause, and thank you for kind attention today. We’ve worked hard to prepare for this event; we hope you enjoyed it. The charro has been a feature of Mexican culture going back to the seventeenthcentury; their skills and traditions have been passed from parent to child for generations.The reason we do our charreada is to keep those traditions alive and to honor our ancestors. And now, as we close, we pay tribute to the man who founded this show in 1944 and who memory inspires every one of us, every day, my father, Alejandro Guajardo Senior, who passed away last year.” As a mariachi band strikes up a bold tune, all the cowboys come riding into the arena, circle around the MC, and bring their horses to a halt.They take their hats off and bow from the saddle. Don Pepe ducks his head between his forelegs in a bow of his own.
Belle dabs at her eyes. “I think I’ll call my father when we get back to the hotel.” She’s not sure in the twilight, but she thinks Rumple has gone pale. “Darling, what’s wrong?”
Silently he points at an empty space in the area.
She doesn’t understand. “What is it?”
“There… there’s an old man in a sombrero, sitting on a horse.”
“I don’t see—Rumple, there’s no one there.”
“Yes, there is,” he argues.
Then she catches on. “Ohhh.” The ghost of Alejandro Guajardo Sr. “He’s come to bless his son’s work, I imagine.”
Rumple swallows hard. “Do you think I should tell Alejandro Jr.?”
But before Belle can answer, Gid interrupts, clambering to his feet and whistling his applause. “Wow. Wow. Can I go down and meet Don Pepe? Can we talk to the charros?”
Belle gives her husband a moment to collect his thoughts. When he shakes his head and smiles, she suggests, “Maybe we could go down for just a few minutes and talk to the riders. I’d like to look at those sidesaddles, see how they compare to the ones we ladies used in Avonlea.”
Rumple watches the cowboys circle around the area and ride out. “I’d just like to know how those little girls stay on without Super Glue.” He follows his family down from the grandstand. When they reach the ground, he steps aside, allowing other spectators to rush past him to the parking lot. He hooks his sunglasses onto a chain around his neck, then sighs, admiring the moon coming up behind Belle’s shoulder. “There’s Don Pepe; Guajardo’s leading him to the barn. Go ahead, Gid. We’ll catch up in a minute.”
“Another ghost story?” Belle slides her arm around her husband’s waist.
He nods. “I guess I should tell him. It’s his father, after all. At least, the old man looks happy; he might not need anything from us, other than to deliver a message.”
“Whatever he needs, that’s fine. We have time.” Belle turns around to the area, wishing she could see the old charro too. “Some show. Some trip. Some country, a little wild, a little dangerous, a lot of fun.”
“Yeah.” Rumple runs his fingers through her hair. “As the old timers say, we’ve been to see the elephant, Belle.”
She nods. “We’ve been to see the elephant.”
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The Ballad of Rob Fury
“Brighter, criminal, I hope you escape.” Throughout my eight years in the service industry, I’ve met some characters. Austin’s employment field is unique. The pool of restaurant workers you find ranges from the highly educated and over-qualified to folks who only know how to work with a frying pan and little else. If you find yourself in a position of authority, usually these are the people you trust: the types that wouldn’t know how to function in workplace that doesn’t have kitchen utensils in it.
Last year I had the unique pleasure of working with Robert Fury. This man is a casualty of early 1970s Austin. He claims to have played music with Roky Erickson, partied at the Armadillo World Headquarters during its hey day, knows King Coffey from the Butthole Surfers personally, has smoked a joint with Willie Nelson, graduated from the University of Texas with a degree in Mathematics, made the Deans List, etc. He quit playing music once he discovered he has massive stage fright after giving up alcohol in the early 80s. His cat Oliver is meaner than a junk yard snake.
In an extremely thick West Texas accent he would always greet me at work with remarks like:
“Hey Tyler! You remind me of the son I wish I never had!”
“You know, Tyler, you really are the smartest person with down’s syndrome I’ve ever met.”
“Hey Tyler Done-A-Poo-Poo! You sure are one slow son-of-a-bitch!”
“You know, Tyler, I really think we’re both from the same tribe. I mean that!”
You always knew he was around because he was loud. For a man approaching his eighth decade, he was very quick. He could move faster than a lot of the 22 year old stoners we employed. He was also very insightful and even prophetic. You would learn things about the planet when you were on shift with him.
As time went by, we hired a woman in her late 30s who shared a similar trajectory as he once did. He fell in love with her instantly, and invited her over to his place to play music and talk about life. He would, somewhat questionably, document her activities with him on Facebook. I think he was the only person I know who would post selfies of another person on social media. Rob was clearly smitten with this woman and he had no shame in hiding it.
“Man, Tyler, I wish _______ was fifteen years older or I was fifteen years younger.”
Rob had a problem with authority. He disagreed with the higher-ups constantly and, frankly, due to his age and health, he couldn’t keep up to the constant changes of the company. He quit working with us, and ended up at a high-end vegetarian restaurant down the street. It wasn’t long after that the woman who Rob adored quit as well due to addiction. She had to go to rehab. This was the last I heard from either of them for a very long time.
Earlier this month, however, I got a call from Rob. He asked me to send his and her W2 form to his address. I asked if they were in some kind of partnership. Rob replied “yes” and mentioned how great she was doing with his care. She struggled with heroin and alcohol. Rob, who also had problems with drugs in his past, helped her through this, and now she has never been better. This made me happy. Everyone loves a happy ending, don't they?
He told me something that made me cry over the phone. He told me not very many people have the people skills that I do. He told me most people aren’t curious about the planet but I have this restlessness and I should consider that a talent or a gift. He told me this when I really needed to hear it. It’s amazing what a simple nice sentiment can do to make you feel better about your position in life.
I really hope Rob lives forever. I suspect he will. And if he doesn’t, I can hear him hollering to St. Peter in heaven, calling him a pithy motherfucker, and making fart sounds when he sees Stevie Ray Vaughan slugging along nearby.
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Tax and other gifts of the MAGI
Merry Christmas Eve to all who celebrate this late December holiday.
I must confess that, despite my grandmother's and, to a slightly lesser degree, my mother's best efforts, I love Christmas for mainly secular reasons.
I love the lights, especially the gaudy, multicolored ones that glow and flash. I love the ornaments, particularly the kitschy ones that remind me of special times, events and people.
And, of course, there are the presents. Over the years I've enjoyed more than my fair share of delightfully packaged goodies.
But I've also come to realize that I like searching for, finding and giving gifts more than getting them.
That's why one part of the religious connection of Christmas, the journey of the wise men to greet the Christ child, has always appealed to me.
The original Christmas gift givers: These travelers are credited by many as the inspiration for our practice of giving gifts on (or near, if you open presents today) Dec. 25.
According to the Biblical telling, they followed an unusually bright star that led them to Baby Jesus.
Upon their arrival 12 days after his birth, they presented him with gold, frankincense and myrrh. That's why Jan. 6, the Epiphany, is celebrated by many religious denominations as a feast day.
The deliverers of these gifts are known by many names, most commonly the Three Wise Men, although that number is just presumed based on the trio of gifts mentioned in the Bible, or the Magi.
The traversing trio also is celebrated in one of my favorite carols, "We Three Kings," although the Bible also never expressly says they were kings.
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The origination of holiday gifting also plays a big role in one of my favorite short stories, O. Henry's "The Gift of the Magi."
You can read it yourself, or listen to a reading of it from a few years back by NPR's Audie Cornish.
In case you've never heard or read O. Henry's classic tale, I won't spoil his trademark twist that captures the Christmas spirit. But I will quote his assessment of giving and getting:
"Of all who give and receive gifts, such as they are the most wise. Everywhere they are the wise ones. They are the magi."
Tax MAGI, too: With my love of Christmas gifts and giving and the story and song of the Three Wise Men, it's no surprise that when I started focusing on taxes decades ago, I was delighted to discover the acronym MAGI.
No, the abbreviation has nothing to do with the wise men of the Christian story.
But it is about what it usually takes to buy gifts: money.
When it comes to tax terms, money typically is referred to as income.
And MAGI is specifically an earner's modified adjusted gross income.
Here's the official definition of it from the ol' blog's tax glossary:
Modified adjusted gross income (MAGI) -- This figure is calculated by starting with your adjusted gross income (AGI) and then adding back certain amounts you previously subtracted to get to you AGI. The precise deductions you have to reconsider usually depend on the tax benefit that uses your MAGI. For example, it's your MAGI, not your AGI, that determines whether you can open or contribute to a Roth IRA. MAGI also affects eligibility for many educational and child-related tax breaks, as well as taxability of Social Security benefits. In each case, how MAGI is figured might be different, so read the instructions carefully.
Happy holidays: I know it's not much, but please accept this holiday-themed Christmas Eve post as my tiny tax-related gift to you.
I hope it helps a bit if you encounter MAGI in the filing of your return or the calculating of a tax benefit.
I also home you enjoy the associated Magi tidbits, stories and song.
Most of all, regardless of what or how you celebrate this time of year, here's to peace and goodwill to all, during this season and year-round!
The hubby and I have our own nativity scene. (See Mum and Mam-ma, I'm not a total heathen!)
It's got, of course, a Texas flavor, with a Mexican folk-art armadillo joining the more traditional animals that shared the barn with Baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the Angel and the Three Wise Men bearing gifts.
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Little Killer: The Best of The Week
Merchandise. Photo: Drew Reynolds/Ground Control Touring
Well, we’re all around SXSW this week meaning that the next two and a half weeks will be stocked with plenty of touring bands rolling through town. Merchandise, Thundercat, and Leggy will be here alongside locals like football, etc., Black Kite, and many more. Houston, here’s how to navigate the next seven days.
Wednesday you can start off at The Clinic when the black metal of San Antonio’s Haunter will be in town to perform. The music this three-piece makes kind of scares me, but that’s probably the point as their latest release Thrinodia is as throaty as it is heavy and dark. The post rock intensity of Venezuela’s Zeta will also be on the bill as direct support. The intense emo math-laced noise of Houston’s MOTHS will be on hand as well and the all ages show will get opened up by the post metal sounds of Houston’s Sleeping Ancient. The show has a $6 cover with doors at 7 pm.
Son of Bitch. Photo: Uncredited/Courtesy of Artist/Facebook
Over at Under the Volcano, you can get your swing on when the Appalachian bluegrass style of Houston’s Son of Bitch plays. This three-piece with more intensity than a steamroller plays without amps and still goes hard. Their last album, 2013’s Venus and the Cat, proved that this kind of music can still impress. The 21 & up show has doors at 8 pm and a TBA cover.
Satellite Bar will have the electronic sounds of Houston’s distant worker by to drop a set. With elements of post punk factored in, their early 2016 release Animal Data sounds like the dreams a newborn would have based on the new world around them. The synthwave of Florida’s TIME will be on as direct support while the modular synths of Pfaffenberg will go on prior. Things get started by the hip hop of Deus Lee for the all ages show with doors at 9 pm and a $7 cover.
Black Tiger Sex Machine. Photo: Uncredited/Kannibalen Records
Stereo Live will have the electro dub house sounds of Canada’s Black Tiger Sex Machine. In so many ways I’m over artists that rock illuminated masks when they perform, but damn if this trio doesn’t drop some catchy jams. They’ll be here in support of their latest drop, the catchy single “Hell Motel.” The electro soul of Toronto’s Dabin will be on as direct support while the dubstep hybrid jams of Boise’s Kai Wachi will open the 18 & up show with doors at 9 pm and tickets for $10.
Thursday you can get going over at Rockefeller’s for the always impressive blues roots of Houston’s The Mighty Orq. This guy has the ability to play tunes that have weight without feeling too heavy while he uses a fret board like a gambler with a pair of dice. This edition will feature special guest Milton Hopkins and the 21 & up show has doors at 5 pm and it’s 100% FREE with the printed ticket before 7 pm.
Down in Clear Lake at Scout Bar you could get your throwback fix when the legendary hard rock of British band UFO swings by to headline. I mean, do I need to sell this show? Songs like “Rock Bottom,” “Doctor Doctor,” and “Lights Out” should be enough reason to attend, and theoretically this could be your last chance to catch them play live. Speaking of legends, British heavy metal pioneers Saxon will be on as direct support while things get kicked off by the blues rock of LA’s Jared James Nichols opens the all ages show with doors at 6:30 pm and tickets between $33 and $38.
Over at Walter’s, the hardcore of Austin’s Drip-Fed will be out in all of their glory. These guys make some intense punk that’s hard to walk away from, and their latest release, Under The Wave Blanket from this year, is as intense as it it impressive. The noise hardcore of Austin’s DSGNS will be there as direct support while the punk of Houston’s Matter of Trust will go on prior. Sparse will open the all ages show with doors at 8 pm and a $10 cover.
Holy Wave. Photo: Allison Scarpulla/Force Field PR
Garage psych five-piece Holy Wave will bring their multi-layered sound to Satellite Bar. This El Paso-formed band has the ability to remind you of bands like Ride if they lived with Timothy Leary. Now residents of Austin, their latest album, Freaks of Nurture from last year, just proves they can take things to a deeper place. Houston’s Mantra Love will bring their trippy sound on as direct support while the post punk shoegaze of San Marcos’ Glaze will go on prior. The garage pop of Austin’s brother sports will open the all ages show with doors at 8 pm and a $10 cover.
On Friday you could begin with the French Cultures Fest at Discovery Green. Featuring live sets from multiple bands, the pop heavy jams of France’s Laurie Briard will be on hand for all to see. You may not know her name but if you check out her new single “Dreams,” you might become a fast fan. The blues heavy sounds of Quebec’s They Call Me Rico will also be on hand as will the all female blues garage sounds of Austin’s The Bluebonnets. The all ages event gets going around 6 pm and it’s 100% FREE.
You can get your laugh on with Houston comic Rich Williams over at The Secret Group for his Spring Break Comedy Show. Williams has been grinding for years now in the Houston scene, he has TV credits, and he could easily be one of the next comics to pop off out of our city. Sets from Derrick Cakley, Mike Worm, Daniel Strong, and “Jus Jaden” will all occur next to a set from Rich himself. The all ages event has doors at 6:30 pm and tickets between $20 and $40.
Mucky Duck will welcome the return of Jimmie Dale Gilmore and Colin Gilmore. If you only know Jimmie Dale from his role in “The Big Lebowski,” that’s cool, but he’s also a Texas storyteller through song and he never disappoints. His son Colin keeps that tradition alive, and with 2013’s The Wild and Hollow, he forged his own path while reminding us all of his father at the same time. Catching these two together is a rarity and one night only event. The 21 & up show has doors at 7 pm and tickets between $25 and $27.
Sneaks. Photo: Nina Corcoran/Ground Control Touring
The political punk of Providence’s Downtown Boys will be back at Walter’s. This band, now signed to Sub Pop, has been turning heads with charged performances and politically themed punk for a good while. With 2015’s Full Communism as their most recent release, who knows what we’ll hear from them now that Trump is president. The spoken word meets rhythmic beats of DC’s SNEAKS will be on as direct support, and you should definitely get there to catch her perform. Houston’s Giant Kitty will bring their punk sounds on as openers like only they can for the all ages show with doors at 8 pm and tickets between $8 and $10.
The Waughford will bring the progressive alterna rock sounds of Houston’s Rogues Among Us. The four-piece plays technical jams that are impressive to see live, and the screamier elements of their album Analysis Paralysis EP from this year are worth lending an ear to. The bluesier leanings of Houston’s Clay Melton Band will be on as direct support, and I’d be lying if I said he was an act you could afford to miss. No Rehearsal will open things up for the 18 & up show with doors at 8 pm and a $10 cover.
White Oak Music Hall will host Flynt Flossy & Turquoise Jeep upstairs. I mean, I liked Turquoise Jeep, but I’m not the biggest fan of Flynt on his own, so hopefully this set is better than his last one here. However, Yip Deceiver will be on as direct support, and they’re a band that everyone needs to catch at least once. The glam influenced disco jams of these guys who are also members of Georgia’s Of Montreal are crazy live and their latest Take A Bow/Crush from 2015 is a jam all by itself. Houston’s iLL Faded will bring his good time rap on as well while Hiram will open things up as only he can with doors at 8 pm and tickets between $13 and $15.
George West. Photo: Marcelo Quinones/Courtesy of Artist/Facebook
Saturday you can start off at Cactus for an in-store performance from George West. The chillwave producer and performer has been dropping jams for a good while now, his live sets are chill enough to groove to, and his latest release, Palmetto from this year, breaks his usual mold while driving him into a more progressive space. The 100% FREE all ages event gets going around 1 pm with gratis beer for the adults.
Later on you could get down with Houston’s Sherita Perez over in the restaurant at House of Blues. The indie folk singer songwriter will play fan favorites from last year’s Htown Love and more from the Voodoo stage. The all ages event gets going around 6 pm and it’s 100% FREE.
At Satellite Bar you can catch up with Houston’s football, etc. when the band returns for a set. While I can’t offer up too much information on their new album out this summer, I can tell you that I’ve heard it and it’s pretty stellar. Add to that their killer live shows and this should be a great set as always. The indie rock noise pop of New Orleans’ Pope will bring their intricate sounds on as direct support while the new wave punk of Houston’s Ruiners will energetically go on beforehand. Austin’s Honey & Salt will open the all ages show with doors at 8 pm and a $10 cover.
Thundercat. Photo: Eddie Alcazar/Paradigm Talent Agency
In the studio at Warehouse Live you can get funky with the jazz heavy R&B jams of Thundercat. The accomplished bassist, lyricist, and producer never disappoints when he performs, and his latest release Drunk from this year is his most progressive album to date. Zack Fox will open the all ages show with doors at 8 pm and a $25 cover.
Over at The Armadillo Palace you could catch the always engaging tunes of Libby Koch. Koch is no stranger to hard work nor is she an artist you should sleep on. While she performs around town plenty, catching her in this iconic venue is pretty neat, and her latest album, Just Move On from last year, should make the room sound amazing. The 21 & up show with doors at 8 pm is 100% FREE.
Continental Club will bring the Tejano-meets-punk insanity that is San Antonio’s Pinata Protest. Possibly one of the most original and energy-heavy groups going, these guys sing in English and in Spanish while they tear up the stage in the process. Their latest album, 2013’s El Valiente, is pretty great and they should be as impressive as always for the 21 & up show with doors at 9 pm and a TBA cover.
On Sunday Insomnia will host another art show, this time with the immensely talented photographer Jordan Asinas at the Stories To Tell show. While Asinas is becoming better known for his photos of bands, his images of city and architecture are like nothing you’ve ever seen before, capturing the beauty of what he shoots within. The all ages event gets going around 6 pm and there will be plenty of extra goodies on hand as well.
You can get groovy with the indie rock of Missouri’s Ha Ha Tonka over in the bronze peacock room at House of Blues. This five-piece mixes atmospheric rock with folk undertones and indie rock riffs, and their latest single, “All With You,” is pretty and entertaining. There’s no word of openers or support for the all ages show with doors at 7 pm with a $12 cover.
Since Always. Photo: Dwayne Cathy
The lo-fi indie psych of New Zealand’s Kane Strang will be upstairs at White Oak Music Hall. After becoming a critical darling the world over, the singer songwriter has been going hard with the full length Blue Cheese from last year and a new single called “Oh So You’re Off I See” released this year. The indie rock of Houston’s Cleen Teens will provide direct support while the indie emo songs of Since Always will open the all ages show with doors at 7 pm and tickets between $10 and $13.
Walter’s will host the solo sounds of Cindy Wilson. You might know Wilson from her other band, the iconic B52’s, and her newest solo EP Supernatural is a trip. Far from The B52’s, this solo record is like what would happen if Blondie made a modern electro new wave pop album. Houston’s MIEARS will provide her dark electronica as direct support as well as opener the all ages show with doors at 8 pm and tickets between $20 and $35, the latter being a meet & greet option.
On Monday you could have fun upstairs with the ever growing popularity of Massachusetts’ three-piece Potty Mouth at White Oak Music Hall. The all-female indie pop group with punk leanings has gotten bigger and bigger with each release since forming in 2011, and their latest single “Smash Hit” is bigger than their 2015 Potty Mouth EP. LA’s PARTYBABY, featuring members of 30 Seconds To Mars and Portugal, the Man, will bring their garage rock intensity on as direct support and openers for the all ages show with doors at 6:30 and tickets between $12 and $13.
Black Kite. Photo: Daniel Jackson
Satellite Bar will bring back the bubblegum punk of Ohio’s Leggy. Seriously, this three-piece makes catchy, fun tunes that are hard to deny, and their latest release, Leggy from last year, is a mix of garage, punk, and indie pop rock that’s hard not to like. The fuzzed out electro pop of Toronto’s Twist will be on as direct support while the dark electronica of Houston’s Black Kite will open the all ages show with doors at 8 pm and a paltry $7 cover.
Over at Walter’s you could get up close and personal with the fuzz indie pop of Sad13. Of course, the group is actually the solo project of Sadie Dupuis of the band Speedy Ortiz, but oh what goodness she offers up on her debut Slugger. Full of pretty melodies and pop hooks, the show should be great based off of the album alone. Detroit’s Stef Chura will bring her lo-fi sounds on as direct support while the NYC based riot grrrl punk of T-Rextasy will go on prior. Houston’s Pearl Crush will open the all ages show with doors at 8 pm with a $10 cover.
Tuesday you might find yourself at Walter’s for the never ending changes of Florida three-piece Merchandise. I don’t think there’s been a band since PIL who has changed their sound more per album than these guys, but their live shows are always a trip and their latest album, A Corpse Wired For Sound from last year, is their best to date. Canada’s Tim Darcy of the indie rock band Ought will be on as direct support while the smoky vocals of Austin’s Molly Burch will go on beforehand. UK shoegazers Chain of Flowers will also be on hand to perform, and Brooklyn’s Operator Music Band will open things up with their intriguing art pop sound. The all ages show has doors at 7 pm and tickets between $12 and $14.
Devil Killing Moth. Photo: Barton Garmon/Courtesy of Artist/Facebook
Satellite Bar will host the indie pop of California duo DTCV. Featuring a former member of Guided By Voices and a French born singer, these two make songs you can get groovy with and their latest release, Confusion Moderne from last year, is definitely worth checking out. The inventive indie rock of Houston’s Devil Killing Moth will be on as direct support with the psych of Pennsylvania’s Grubby Little Hands on before them. Houston’s Satin Hooks will also be there to bring their energetic sounds to life while Babelfish goes on before, and the all ages show gets opened up by Atlanta’s CHEW. The doors are at 8 pm and tickets are $10.
That’s about all that’s happening around town this week. No matter what you do, please remember that drinking like an adult is in everyone’s best interest and that a safe ride home is just an app away.
Little Killer: The Best of The Week this is a repost
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