#it refuses to let me save my work because i “dont have a paying plan” and the 30 day trial decided to ditch the scene

[mistyycowoa]

Omg so clip studio paint hates me as much as I hate it but I need to export with layers.. I hate this

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Okay here's one. I really dont think I'm the asshole but my ex sure does.

AITA for refusing to buy my partner a jar of pickles?

So this story has like, a little background and some confounding factors i think but i really could go both ways on whether i was the asshole.

Ill start with both my ex (21nb) and i (23f) had severe mental health issues and were working on treatment when we were together. Theyd been in and out of inpatient stays throughout our three year relationship. Towards the Day of Pickles, i had my first inpatient stay where i got help i desperately needed to keep myself safe. This happened to be about a week after my 23rd birthday, but about two and a half weeks before their 21st birthday.

Anyway, at that time i had just gotten out of the hospital and started a new job at Joanns Fabrics (i outlived that retail fucker and im proud of it). I had been unemployed for the previous year and a half because of the pandemic and so the retail job was really my saving grace to have some sort of income to buy gas and groceries. My parents let me live rent free with them in their basement but i spent a LOT of time essentially squatting at my ex's dorm because my situation with my parents was not great.

Now my ex was also being financially abused by their mom so they had a monthly "allowance" of 200$ (of their own money they made at their on campus job) and no access to their bank statements. So i spent a lot of my own money on gas and groceries for both of us, and anything we wanted to do for fun, like visit the city. Without an income, this was SUPER stressful for me and i spiraled pretty hard with feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Supporting two people, even minimal living expenses, on an income of exactly 0$ is the WORST.

Anyway, i got out of the hospital and pretty much immediately went back to picking up as many shifts as i could at work because id been on staff for all of two weeks before hospitalization. Knowing retail, i was probably on the precipice of losing hours or being fired altogether.

My ex wanted me to take time off to celebrate their 21st birthday (they didnt celebrate my birthday that year) and travel to see their family and drink etc. I got scheduled for an inconvenient time. I would have to miss their birthday if i didnt find someone to cover. I managed to switch shifts with another coworker who was nice enough to let me have her morning shift, so i was able to at least travel separately and be a little late to dinner.

The night of their birthday my ex wanted to get drunk and so we went to the liquor store. Now im generally pretty picky about alcohol but if i get anything special i always get enough to share. Mysteriously, no one ever offers to share the expense or pay me back. So with all of 150$ in my account, i purchased enough alcohol for myself and the rest of the party, and a bottle of (cheap af) liquor for myself. I was broke af until my next paycheck and was pretty much planning on giving up meals and staying at home because the commute to work was shorter and meant less gas.

My ex picked out a jar of boozy pickles and asked if i would get it for them for their birthday. I should note that with all the stress i was under i had found a birthday present for them but hadnt actually placed the order (was waiting to get paid). I also didnt lie to them about this and had told them that i hadnt gotten their birthday present yet. They were upset by this and told me they felt like i didnt care about them, to which i snapped and raised my voice a little.

I gave them a bit of a reality check. I told them in no uncertain terms that i was under a lot of stress, from nearly killing myself to being flat broke with little to no help from my family other than a conditional roof over my head, ordering their birthday present wasnt super high on my list of things to do and that i knew what i was going to get them and that i intended to order it as soon as i had the money to do so. After years of the sole attention being focused on keeping them alive, i needed some support and acting like i didnt care completely ignored EVERYTHING i did to keep us both afloat.They cried and played the victim as they tended to do and i was too stressed to do anything but be angry.

So when they asked for the pickles i told them no. I have NOTHING left in my bank account, and anything that was in my account was already allocated for something else.

They told me i was being selfish for buying myself alcohol on THEIR birthday, not even getting them a present, yelling at them, and then refusing to buy the one thing they asked for, especially after i refused to take off work the day before to hang out with them and their family. In front of our friends.

I told them that i was purchasing the alcohol for the whole party, that the present had slipped my mind, and that they were accusing me of not caring about them when i snapped. Then i walked out.

My bff went outside to help me cool down and i told him what was going on and how stressed i was and he said that he agreed with me, it was childish to expect me to pay for everything with no help from anyone and then act like im unreasonable for having to put limits on what i can purchase.

My ex ended up getting so pissed by all of this they broke up with me two days later, saying that their birthday was the final straw for them after I'd been so codependent and relying on them too much to survive.

I think its all ridiculous given all of the stress factors i was dealing with at the time. I feel like we're all entitled to the occasional emotional outburst/bouts of forgetfulness when we're stressed. But my ex seems to think im a selfish asshole. We've been no contact for the last two years so this isnt like a pressing concern or anything but it does make me roll my eyes occasionally.

So tumblr, aita?

(Btw im also much more financially stable now that I'm fully and properly medicated and away from them.)

[livepoultryfreshkilled]

i have a couple comic runs planned if dc ever lets me in. the first that comes to mind is my leslie thompkins villain-ish thing, inspired by gotham but in a different universe, where she becomes “the doc,” who is first a bioterrorist against the rich running the exploitative medical industry but is turned into a kind of paragon of disease who is attempting to speed up the whole “meek inheriting the earth” thing by doing, essentially, reverse-eugenics. like killing all the healthy people. it’s a lot inspired by my experience with the medical industry and as a chronically ill person and also i think it would be so cool. 

the other is “hip to be square” which is a lot more planned out and would probably be a vertigo house run, not a graphic novel like serious house on serious earth but definitely self-contained. i have a lot of thoughts onit which i need to make more cohesive so i would actually love asks or dms about it (answering questions makes me better at explaining) but in it the villain is like, this kind of YIMBY/gentrifying force taking over gotham and making it “normal.” productive, profitable, clean, MARKETABLE. as opposed to like the other exploitations of the poor in batman it would be about how modern gentrification takes away the culture and soul and individuality of the world completely, cleans it out, and how that would destroy everything about gotham that MAKES it gotham. they dont just stick to the poor, they also attempt to get rid of all the rogues. they’re after the eccentrics too, people who do not behave in a way that is conducive to exponentially increasing profits and being as marketable as possible. they are significantly more successful than batman in getting rid of the rogues because they convince the middle/upper middle class of gotham to exchange privacy for “security” and let them literally sell/buy away their privacy for the sake of PREVENTING crimes. you know how this happens in real life? the way we no longer trust each other because everyone is a potential threat so we pay companies to keep us safe? this is the first part. theyre working with batman and batman has to pretend he is fine with this and that he DOESNT need the rogues to continually break out and fight him again (he soo does, this one does at least) but they eventually turn on him too for being too violent and not working within the confines of the law and refusing to be regulated. also for being a little weirdo creep. bruce is NOT a playboy in this btw he is a creepy greasy little recluse and selina is a weird cat lady (and she has facial hair because how have people not given CATWOMAN whiskers yet, also its cool) and they have weird creepy love. there is riddlebird in this as well. oswald is kept as a kind of oddity/mockery for a period of time, but ed gives up the riddler persona, so does jonathan, and they both conform lest they be killed. which they do btw. there’s a whole mob execution of two-face, condiment man, lots of batman’s villains, they raid hugo strange’s laboratory and kill all of his “children”. joker is killed alone in a back room with no cameras, and he begs to have them kill him in public so he can at least be seen, but they shoot him and burn his body without ceremony. batman is burned at the stake with his suit on and his mask melts into his face but he doesnt die because selina saves him. it’s kind of like earth one in that waylon jones (my dear beloved waylon jones) is in the sewers, as is strange and selina, and they revive him. then its all the surviving rogues (oswald eventually is taken to be killed but he escapes #cockroachqueen and he attempts to recruit edward, they have a thing, there’s an additional arc between them. ed and jonathan have a thing that’s kind of about masking and conforming to a capitalist world even when it kills you, its also kind of trans. jonathan kills himself but ed is like FUCK this love is love im the ridler baby) and they also get the gothamites, the real gothamites, to do what they do best: be insane and wear a hat about it. all the gothamites becomes rogues themselves and they kill/drive out the betterment association (gentrifying group) and all the yuppies. thats the gist of it

the third is one where, due to a couple factors, batman is a villain in gotham. i believe that the joker/batman dichotomy would exist regardless of who represented “good” and who represented “evil”, as joker is not evil but instead the abject of batman (using julia kristeva’s definition of the object/abject relationship.) so batman, instead of order, becomes a figure for control, meaning that joker forms as a figure for freedom (instead of chaos.) they retain their personalities/ideals, but with different values: joker believes in #1 COMMIT TO THE FUCKING BIT. #2 be as annoying as humanly possible. #3 fuck cops suck cock and also that taking a life is the ultimate repression of freedom and also NOT even funny, batman believes that the only way to save gotham (and prevent something like his parents death happening again) is to gut out the sickness by force. dick grayson is taken in by joker (not immediately like he was with batman, but instead joker sees his parents die and is like HA. fucked up but i lold. sorry kid but eventually comes across him in the foster system and is like whoa i HATE systems. systems are my LEAST FAVORITE. i’m stealing this gymnastic tween) and dick becomes the flying squirrel instead of robin. gaggy the clown is batmans robin equivalent but let me be clear. gaggy is a full grown man. he is potentially even older than batman. but he is also his tween son. alfred is not there because alfred is the reason why bruce grew up to be good (alfred not being there was one of the factors of batman being evil.) gordon has to work with joker but oh he hates him so bad. joker is so ay and weird and annoying but gordon hates corruption more than he hates this fucking gay clown. sadly. harvey will be very interesting to explore but i havent figured out quite how yet.

anyways what do u all think? thoughts? ideas?

[intergalactic-padawan]

inquisitor - Ezra Bridger

Requested: yes, by the beautiful @raganbridger! Sorry for the wait, it's finally here!

Warnings: angst, dark side!reader, confusion, mentions of bad injuries/blood, betrayal

A/N: You asked for le angst, so here it is! I've had this idea for a long while and this request was the motivation I needed to start. LOTS of alternative endings were written, this was mostly the reason it took so long.

Pronouns of reader: she/her

*ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE! I make mistakes just like everybody else 😉*

x

.

-"oh, good, you're awake"

You sit and inhale sharply, focusing back on the real world, startled at the strange voice.

Well, not so strange per se. You knew who was talking to you. What was strange was why he was talking to you.

Before you can adjust your vision to the unfamiliar environment, the memories from hours earlier instantly come flooding back.

Malachor. The place where jedi go to die.

An easy kill for you and your inquisitor colleagues.

That's what they had said on the ship, at least. You, on the other hand, knew better than to underestimate how slippery those jedi could be - especially if they fought side by side, like they always did.

You remember cornering the younger one during the fight. His skill was minimal compared to yours, which would give you an advantage against his master if he were to die first.

The boy and his friends go after the sith holocron. There had been a blinding light when it was placed at the altar.

And also, the jedi knight who was blinded by your former master, Maul.

Maul.

Not only had the cursed man left you for dead years before, he had come back from hiding to haunt you and join forces with your other enemies.

But you were an inquisitor. You wouldn't - you couldn't let him get the best of you, not this time.

You feel a light hand pressing your forehead and recoil in fear, reaching for your lightsaber, only to feel it was not there.

-"whoah, woah, calm down. I'm not going to hurt you" - it was the padawan you'd been fighting before - Ezra Bridger. He had placed you and his master inside a cave in a planet you were not familiar with when you'd escaped Malachor.

You'd escapd Malachor? But how?

You couldn't have, unless he'd carried you back to his ship.

-"hey, hey, it's alright."

-"what do you want, jedi?" - you wince in pain again.

-"a thank you would be nice, actually. I did just save your life"

-"a foolish mistake. One you will pay for with yours"

You reach out for your lightsaber, but can't feel it anywhere close. Scouring with the force for its presence, you quickly realize he must have hidden it outside the place.

-"Nope, absolutely not" - just as quickly, he slaps your outstreched hand - "I may be an idiot, but i'm not stupid. Your lightsaber's not here, it's caused enough damage already."

You rub the hand he pushed away, more shocked at his actions than anything. How DARE he?

-"Then what do you want from me, if not revenge? Why treat my wounds if not to finish the battle we started?"

-"Listen, I'm not sure if it's the adrnaline or something, but you're in no condition to fight anyone any time soon"

-"You underestimete me, Jedi. Even in these conditions you would be no match for me."

-"Like I wasn't a match for you at the sith temple?"

At the mention of the event, images of the fight start to come back.

Back at the sanctuary, you drew him away from the fight, knowing his strengh lied with his allies. Only, you hadn't imagined your former master to join his side - not until you'd seen the holocron in Ezra's hands, at least. You'd warned him: "he will use it and throw you away. Like he did to me". Needless to say, he didn't listen.

Your vision starts to lose focus at the intensity of your anger and you groan in pain, not able to sit anymore. Driven by instinct, the padawan holds your side so you won't fall completely, pressing your abdomen and making you hiss in pain.

-"ah, looks like I was right. You're conscious, but not healed" - you feel yourself be adjusted back on the ground, too weak to fight him.

-"where are we? Why did you save my life?"

He hesitates, eyes studying you, like you might attack him any second and he still knew it.

-"not so sure" - he finally answers - "maybe because now you owe me one?"

-"Did you hit your head or something?" You scoff - "Make no mistake, I WILL kill you when the opportunity rises!"

-"And that is why your lightsaber privileges have been revoked for now."

You lock eyes, studying him like he had you. It made no sense- you'd followed his group to the sith temple, tried to kill him several times, called for the man who had murdered his strongest ally, Ahsoak Tano. Why was he helping you?

With a shiver, you realize he's still holding your side, not as firmly as before but still providing support for your back. Inhaling sharply, you graze his hand and he lets go instantly, realizing how close the two of you had gotten.

Standing up just as quickly, he brushes a strand of unruly hair our of his forehead, while you you clean your throat, diverting your attention to the exit of the cave. The rain pours on the large trees outside, but you can't make out much except for the fact that you're in a forest planet (maybe a moon?) and his ship is in less than ideal conditions to get out of it.

-"here" - Ezra kneels down with two bacta patches and a piece of fabric from a medical kit -"i felt your back was pretty sore, but didn't want to take off your shirt while you were out. Your cuts need cleaning."

You hesitantly take the items, using the rocks behind you as support to lean your body on. He stands up, hands on hips, and chuckles when you sniff the gel, suspicious.

With the small bit of privacy he gives you by turning around to check on his master, you fumble with your shirt, deciding to take it off in order to see better.

-"Need some help over there?" - he asks, hearing you grunt in frustration at not being able to reach some spots

-"Not from you, thank you very much"

-"Oh, so she CAN say thank you! That's a welcome change"

You throw the rag at his direction, irritated out of your mind. Who does he think he is??

He must sense the harmless ball of soaked fabric coming his way, turning around to catch it mid-air. Now that he's turned, you see a glimpse of amusement in his eyes at your rage, giving you the answer you needed as to why he went through the trouble of saving you; it was merely to see you suffer and laugh at your expense, apparently.

His expression quickly changed when he saw your bruised torso, however.

- "who did this to you?" - he whispers, and you look down at you look down at your sore ~ well, everything~, covered only by a wrap in the bust area.

-"As you said, jedi. I may be better than you, but you still gave me a decent challenge"

"No. I didn't even hit you there." - his serious reaction to your injuries had caught you off guard, you had to admit. - "those are old and deep, you shouldn't even be able to walk!"

-"I'm not, remember?" - you motion at your debilitated situation, unable to even sit down or cross your legs properly -"But i will be, soon. And then it's over for you"

-"you know what? I think if you wanted to, you would have killed me by now." - he shoots back and you're impressed at his audacity once again.

But he had a point. Why hadn't you attacked him yet?

Sure, you had no lightsaber or phisical conditions to stand, but your force abilities were still as strong as ever. You were vulnerable, but so was he, and you weren't kidding when you said you could deal with him even at your worse.

-"you know what? " - you cross your arms. He was playing with fire now - "maybe I might"

-"and why haven't you?"

-"because I wouldn't enjoy it as much." - you snap back venomously - "I want to see you suffer before I bring you to Lord Vader"

His expression darkens at the mention of Ahsoka's murderer. His whole body stiffens as he balls his wrists and clearly struggles to control his anger at the recent loss. For a moment, you fear you've gone too far, but reprimand yourself for worrying about his feelings over yours. You're not supposed to be anything more than indifferent to the weak and ruthless to those who dare oppose you.

-"Yeah, no matter what you do, you're still imperial scum"

You're not prepared for those words to affect you so much. You're supposed to have a response, but nothing coherent seems to come out of your mouth, so you settle for an an uncomfortable silence.

It doesn't last for long, however, as his comlink goes off. It's his droid, asking - no, demanding - that he go help him with repairs on the ship. He hesitates, looking at you and contemplating how bad it would be to leave you unnatended in the company of his defenseless master.

-"Dont worry."- You reassure him. -"I won't make his situation worse. Maul is the worse you can get, and I refuse to step that low"

You can see he doesnt like it, but leaves for a few moments before returning with what must be the droid that talked to him before. It was a C1 series unit with an orange top and a bratty atitude, you could tell that much by just seeing him interact with the jedi.

-"Chopper will stay here, just in case"

-"I understand. It's fine."

-"I wasn't asking if you were fine with it. Behave" - you can't be sure if his command is directed at you or the droid, but you weren't about to ask.

The coldness he now had to his voice was understandable - you had worked to get him to that emotional state - ,but you felt hurt at the change. The droid didn't do much to help you think clearly about what just happened, and by the look of it, your frustration would only grow bigger in the many hours it would still take to repair the ship to a normal flying condition.

'He thinks i'm imperial scum, huh?' - you think as you scour a pile of your belongings with the force, not too far away inside the cave.

Bad news, your lightsaber really wasn't there.

Good news, your wrist comm was.

'i'll show him imperial scum'

With a plan forming in mind, all you had to do now was be patient and wait for the right time. There's no exchange of words between the two of you when he gets back, which makes time fly by before he's betrayed by exaution and finally gives in to sleep. You take care of the droid easily after that.

Activating the tracking beacon, you start to leave the cave, but not before noticing the boy's lightsaber beside him. It was a bold move, he could easily wake up if you took it, but you knew that if he woke up to see you gone you'd need it to compensate for your injuries.

You were still on opposing sides, after all.

You knew there had to be an imperial ship near the planet, and they would pick up your signal in an instant when you called. Wallking to a less dense area of the forest, away from the crash site, you're proven right when, in a matter of minutes, a shuttle tripulated by four troopers and a senior lieutenant meet you on the ground.

-"and what of the jedi?" - the higher ranking woman asks when you finish your brief description of the events that led you there.

Well, not all events. You'd left out the part where Bridger had helped you recover.

You could just tell them to take the two jedi for excecution. You were supposed to do it, in fact.

-"it's just me. And the younger one's lightsaber" - you finally answer, not exactly knowing why you'd deliberately just saved them.

She nods curtly and escorts you back to the ship without a second glance. It was a good story so far, but you would have to work on it if your superiors were to believe it.

-"Wait- " - you start, second-guessing your motives for not giving away their location. One of the troopers turns to you expectantly.

-"yes, sir?"

You hesitate for a moment, ready to do what you'd beeen taught to do your whle life. Kill the jedi.

Kill the jedi.

A tingling crept up your sides, where the padawan had touched earlier to give you support. You try to betray the gut feeling pressing you to do your duty as an inquisitor, but it's stronger than you. Something is forcing your better judgement to be leaving your natural enemies alive.

-"nothing." - the tingle goes away as soon as it had come, leaving an unusual feeling of relief. - "Thought i'd sensed something. Let's leave"

'Perhaps it's for the best'. - you think as the shuttle's door closes. After all, you did owe him one for saving your life - whatever his reason was for doing so.

That was what you told yourself as you boarded the ship, at least. Now, the next time you saw him, there would be nothing to stop you from finishing him and his friends for good.

.

x

Hope you like it? I gave him a 'hands on hips' moment in honour of your videos for a more personalized touch hahahaha

[p---ink]

Bittersweet Escape

Author’s Note: It’s been a while folks. Just wanted to get a few things in order before school started, hope no one forgot about me :). This post is dedicated to @swaggysposts​ who requested the prompts, and themes of this imagine, so blame her for the tooth-rotting fluff and filthy smut. I just hope I did her fantasy justice. Anyway, its a long one guys, I kind of went off the rails. I seriously dont blame you if you don’t finish reading this one. 😂

Summary: The slow burn relationship between Tony Stark and Y/N, leading up to their honeymoon night. 

Warnings: Fluff, Smut, in that order. Age gap, slight daddy/dom kink, slight exhibitionism...and I think that’s it. 

Word Count: 15.2k

Disclaimer: while the pictures in this vision board are not mine, the vision board is. 

Edited on 19 September 2020. Just did some minor editing and a few changes/additions in dialogue near the end. 

You were his assistant. Before you, he couldn’t keep one to save his life. Most of your predecessors couldn’t handle his eccentricity. The ones who could, he fired shortly after sleeping with them. Something about them becoming clingy and demanding special treatment, rubbed him the wrong way. 

But, you could perform your job and more, under the pressures of his personality. When I say more, I mean that you basically carried his company from behind the scenes. You also didn’t pay him any mind. This is ultimately what drove him crazy. 

How could this beautiful woman—who kept him from drowning, fail to give him the time of day?

Naturally, Tony became obsessed with you. He could not get you out of his head. His interactions with you started off as a joke. He would often tease you, flirt with you, and demand outright ridiculous things of you just to get your attention. He once demanded you give him your opinion on the color orange. The days where he called you in his office to hand him things within two inches of his grasp, were the worst. 

You remained a champ, however. No emotion other than content, ever showed up on your face. Some would say your great indifference towards him, is what drew him in. But your beauty, and brilliance certainly didn’t hurt. You were a jack of all trades, that never failed to impress. 

As time went on, Tony’s feelings for you gradually shifted into something more. You both now had months of working closely together for him to realize he was hopelessly in love with you. He hung on to your every word. Valued, your every opinion. Did any, and everything just to accomplish what he thought would please you. Still it seemed nothing worked.

On the brink of giving up, Tony found himself drifting towards the break room where you currently resided. He had been laying it on thick that morning with his clever sexually charged suggestions. He felt like an ass for pursuing a woman who didn’t want him. He just couldn’t believe that the one person he actually wanted didn’t want him back. So, he felt the urge to apologize to you profusely, before he heard you mentioning his name. 

“…and Stark is pretty amazing. Excruciatingly sexy. I really like him.” You admitted into the phone, sighing for a moment before continuing. “But I know we wouldn’t work out. No, I’m not gonna just ‘fuck him…’” You continued your conversation with the unknown caller, but Tony tuned you out after hearing you say you had no faith in your non-existent relationship with him.

No, he thought. I won’t accept it. He refused to let you throw away a chance at something great. 

Come 6:30 pm, well past the end of the workday, you both found yourselves leaving for the elevator. You always left at the same time as him, to avoid the off chance of him needing something long after you were gone. 

You, who were always very perceptive of your environment, immediately took notice of your boss’ unusually quiet demeanor. However, you said nothing, as you both descended from the top floor of the Stark Tower. 

When you first entered the elevator, he took to the opposite side of you, arms crossed as he leaned against its railing, while you stood in front of its panel. You stole occasional glances, and each time you noticed him observing you. He didn’t even try to hide that fact. You dropped a few floors before the silence began to consume you. 

You swiped your tongue over your lip swiftly, before speaking. “Good evening Mr. Stark.” You greeted, offering a tight smile.

“Good evening.” He uttered, as his dark brown orbs remained trained on you. 

“What are your plans for dinner tonight?” You asked, just to spark a conversation. 

“Why? Are you offering?” He flirted, quirking his brow and lips for a split second. 

“I’m craving a seafood pasta.” You informed him, completely ignoring his suggestion. 

“Why won’t you give me a chance.” He questioned.

“I haven’t had pasta in a while now.” You said smiling, turning to meet his eyes. When they read to you dourness, you dropped your grin. He was not in the mood for your usual elusive dance. 

“I know you have feelings for me, Y/N.” He started. “I heard you admit it today.”

You thought about when he could have possibly heard you say that, until you remembered your phone call with Natasha. Eyes now wide in alarm, you asked “You were eavesdropping on me?”

“Why don’t you think we’ll work out?” Tony asked, trying to mask the vulnerability in his voice. He usually did a great job at hiding his emotions, but you proved to be a challenge. He could never read you, but you never failed at reading him.

You still had a few floors to get through, and you knew you couldn’t avoid your way through this one. Besides, avoiding only worked when Tony thought you were uninterested. You inspected him for a moment, before you gave him your explanation. You felt you at least owed him that. 

“Mr. Stark, I do like you. A lot, actually. But I prefer to keep my business separate from my pleasure, whereas you don’t mind blurring those lines.” You looked as if you were about to continue, but Tony jumped the gun before you could. 

“Y/N, with all due respect, if we began dating I’d just fire you.” Tony said with a surprising seriousness, causing you to breathe out a laugh. He lit up when he heard the sound. 

“No.” Is all you simply said, small grin still plastered on your features.

“Okay, but it can’t just be about working here. You’re brilliant, and you practically run this company. If I were to let you oversee a different division, you wouldn’t be directly under me—”

“I wouldn’t want you to do that, just because you like me.” You interrupted. 

“But I wouldn’t.” He told you. “That would be a terrible business move. I would do it, because you genuinely deserve it. All feelings aside.” 

The look you read in his eyes, was vastly different from the ones you had seen before. Yes you saw his look of longing, his look of desire, and of lust. But this one revealed his sincerity. He had nothing to gain. 

Dropping your head down, you found yourself feeling guilty for some reason. “Mr. Stark—”

“Tony.” He interrupted. 

“Mr. Stark,” You corrected, ignoring his look of disappointment. Getting on a first name basis could mean becoming too close. “You’re right: it isn’t just about business for me. If that were the case, i’d just find another job.” You began gnawing at your lip, something you often did when you got nervous. “Its about a secret I have.”

“I love secrets.” Tony chuckled. 

“Well you won’t like this one.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Its actually quite embarrassing.”

“Just tell me. I won’t judge you” Tony guaranteed. 

Before you could start your sentence, the elevator chimed, signaling you that you have reached the first floor.

You couldn’t make a move, before Tony crossed to your side of the elevator. It felt like time slowed when his scent and proximity enveloped you. An inviting smokey aroma, and a hint of black coffee, invaded your senses, sending your mind into a frenzy for a short moment. Then it all stopped almost as soon as it started. He was back to his side of the box. You wondered what that was all about, until you felt the lift move again. When you looked at the panel, about 15 buttons were lit up.

“Are you out of your fucking mind Stark?” You shrieked. 

“You have that effect on me.” He casually replied. 

“What is your problem?” You cried.

“You.” He answered.

“This isn’t a joke, why would you do that?”

“So you could tell me your secret.” He looked at you as if you were being absurd. 

“I would have told you just fine outside of the elevator.”

“So we could be alone together.” He said stepping closer once more.

“I’m your personal assistant. We’re always alone together.”

“So I could do this.” Swifter than his earlier movements, Tony was on you in an instant. He cupped your cheeks so he could meet your lips with his. The kiss felt like you had done it before. It felt like his lips were made for kissing yours. He didn’t even have to gauge what he thought you liked, he just knew. He knew your lips would bend to his will. He knew your tongue would be submissive to his. He even knew, your small hands would find their home around his neck. 

Turning his head ever so slightly to deepen the connection, his tongue darted inside your mouth, tangling with yours. Your hands each went into their own directions; one traveled the side of his face, while the other journeyed across the expanse of his shoulder.  

His hands took a trip of their own. While one remained fastened to your jaw, the other took a tour along the length of your body, taking note of every reaction, excited to learn your person. You moaned when he reached the middle of your back—the action sending tingles up your spine, as he pulled you closer to him. Relishing in the mewl, Tony caressed the area, willing more sounds like the previous one. 

Before he could explore you more, you unwillingly broke the connection. Both of you gasping for air, Tony wanted to be the first to speak. His pupils were now blown and his lips a darker shade of pink. He steadied himself, by placing a hand on the wall beside your head. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay” you assured, trying to catch your breath. 

“No. I should of asked.” Bringing the hand that was on your cheek slightly down to your lips, he brushed the area with his thumb, spreading the wetness into the skin. He leaned in for a calmer kiss, capturing your bottom lip between his , sucking softly before letting it go. “What was your secret?” He rasped. 

You were so lost in his eyes, you were barely able to comprehend his words, let alone that he asked a question. “What?” You exhaled, shaking your head slightly in wonderment. You were still surprised a mere kiss could get you so shaken. 

Tony pulled away from you, grasping the railing behind your back, caging you into one place. “I asked, what was your secret.” He smirked, happy to finally be the one making you disoriented. 

“Oh! My secret!” You yapped, at the sudden recollection. So caught up in him, you forgot why you shouldn’t be. Collecting yourself, as well as your thoughts, you braced yourself for his reaction. Breathing in a deep breath of air you blurted “I don’t sleep with people I like” shutting your eyes as soon as you uttered the words. 

Tony stood upright after a moment, dropping his hands, confused more than upset, though you expected him to be the latter. “What do you mean?” He asked. 

You furrowed your brows and gazed up to gauge his expression, before continuing. “I mean if I really like a person, I won’t sleep with them.”

“Wouldn’t you rather sleep with a person you like, than one you don’t?” He questioned. 

“Well, yeah.” You stood up straight, and hung your head down. He almost made you feel silly. “But, um. Well…I haven’t had the best luck with my previous relationships. The eagerness to have sex seemed to be the common denominator. So I promised myself I’d wait until I knew I really liked the person and they liked me. The only problem with that, is that it seems no man wants to date a woman who’s practicing abstinence.” 

“And you haven’t given me a chance, because you assume I’d be one of those men.” Tony presumed. 

You let out a playful scoff. “Assume? I know for a fact you’d be.” 

“What gives you that idea?”

“I know how you are with women.” 

“How am I with women, Y/N?” He dared, awaiting an answer that he could explain away.

“Oh. Are we doing this?” You dared back, raising a brow and a smirk. He nodded matching your sneer. “Just this morning, you asked me why I was a bit groggy. I told you, it was because I lost a few hours of sleep. And do you know what you told me? If I ever want to lose a few more, I should consider losing them with you.”

His eyes formed into thin slits and he pressed his lips in a firm line, cringing at his own words. “Y/N” he started, as he repeated a tsk noise with his mouth. “Sweetheart, I was merely suggesting that I could keep you busy, by putting those lost hours to good use.” 

“And how would you put them to use, Mr. Stark?” You purred, crooking your head to look at him through hooded eyes, and small smug grin. 

“Um…” He pondered, trying to avoid answering “with sex” like he normally would. 

“That’s what I thought.” You whispered. You were a little disappointed to know, that he only wanted you in the way every man wanted you. By this point, the elevator reached the first floor again, but this time you were prepared. Taking advantage of his distracted state, you  slipped through the doors. But Tony wasn’t through with you yet. 

You felt his fingers wrap around your wrist. When you snapped your neck around to his direction, he spoke. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed this or not, but I’ve been pining after you for months now.” He explained, relieving his grasp on you once he was comfortable that you wouldn’t leave. “Most women throw themselves at me. And it isn’t very hard to seduce the ones who don’t. This means, that besides you, I could have practically any one I want.”

You violently rolled your eyes and blew air threw your nostrils, “And your point is, Stark?” Your hands were now glued to your hips in annoyance. 

“My point is, that I don’t want any other woman. I want you. And yes, I wanna sleep with you, but I also wanna sleep with you.” He exaggerated his words, putting emphasis on ‘sleep’ the second time around. 

You contorted your face into disgust. “Okay I get it, you really wanna sleep with me.” 

“No! Fuck.” He palmed his face in frustration, dragging the hand down slowly to gather his thoughts. “I’m explaining this all wrong. I’m trying to say, I wanna hold you through the night. I wanna wake up and you’re there. I wanna make you smile, and I wanna make you laugh. I would spoil you rotten if you gave me the chance. If I didn’t make myself clear before, I will now: I want you, Y/N. And I know you must think of me as some arrogant son of a bitch, who only wants what’s between those legs” He let his eyes flicker down to your legs, lingering there for a moment before gazing back up to you. “But give me the opportunity to show you that I want so much more.”

He left you breathless moments before in the elevator, and speechless now. “Mr. Stark, I—”

“Tony. Please say my name.” He pleaded, his almond eyes piercing into your soul. It was rare for you to look so vulnerable. You have perfected masking your emotions. So he drank your vulnerability in while he could. 

“Tony.” You said tenderly, tasting the word on your tongue for what felt like the first time. He also took pleasure in hearing you say it. You remained formal to his face your entire relationship, so it felt like you were both reintroducing yourselves all over again. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything. Let me take you out to dinner tomorrow night. I can—wait no, I will get you the best damn pasta, you’ve ever tasted.” He smiled, when you chuckled. “We will spend the night, getting to know each other a bit more. Then, I’ll walk you home, instead of driving, so that we can take in the city. When we get to your place, I’ll give you a kiss goodnight like the perfect gentleman I am. And then I’ll turn around and go home, to think about you until the next time we see each other.” He promised. 

You were in awe at the thought, but were still unsure. “I don’t know.” You answered, averting your gaze from his. You knew that he was a player, and you were afraid he’d hurt you. What if this is all some elaborate plan to get inside my panties? You thought. 

Tony grabbed your hands, bringing both of them up between the two of you, willing you to look at him. “Please give me a chance.” He begged, silently pleading with his eyes. 

And you, seriously thought about what the harm could be. If he ignored your wishes, then he wasn’t the one. Simple as that. So you said yes to his dinner proposal. 

♡ ♥︎ ♡ ♥︎ ♡ 

He almost lost all of his composure, when you stepped out of your apartment in the little black crushed velvet dress that hugged your curves in just the right way. You paired it with black wedge heels, that made your delicious brown legs look like they went on for miles. Your hair was done up strategically so, to accentuate your appetizing neckline, and the dark red matte lipstick you wore made your lips look sultry. It was very obvious that you were purposefully trying to test him. But to your happy dismay, he was everything he said he would be.

You had your first date on his private yacht, that overlooked the city. While you could still see New York, you were out far enough to where you could also view the stars. You lived in the city your entire life, and had only ever seen them once or twice. Already, on your first night together it felt like he was spoiling you.

He ordered the most expensive wine for the table, consuming an entire cupful in one gulp, when he watched you wrap your lips around your glass just to stain it with red lipstick. He wished it was his skin instead. He meant it when he told you, sex wasn’t everything, but damn it, that didn’t mean he didn’t want you screaming his name. Still he promised to be the perfect gentlemen, and that’s exactly what he was. 

After ordering you the best damn pasta you ever tasted, you competed with each other, almost as if you were trying to see who could find out the most about the other. He saw an entirely new side of you. You were usually so secretive about your private life before, so he took advantage of the newfound courage the wine gave you. You were also happy to see his more carefree side. He was always carefree, but his usual happy-go-lucky spirit was paired with a suffocating arrogance that never failed to annoy you. This one was genuine, and it was because he no longer had to worry about whether or not you wanted him.

After dinner, he instructed his driver to take you both over halfway back to your place, before you walked the rest. It was about a fifteen minute trek to your apartment, and he took advantage of every second. Every one of them was fleeting, as he fell more and more in love with you. He learned of your interests. Of your desires. Of your fears that came from dating. When you were finished talking, he urged you to continue, dying to know more about the woman who captured his heart. You wanted to know more about him too, but Tony suggested another date in order to satisfy your interests in him. You smiled, at hearing him propose another outing before your first one was even over. 

When you reached your door, he wasted no time in placing his hands along your hips to pull you in for a kiss. This one was less feverish than the one you shared in the lift, but it still conveyed how much he longed for you. He took his time, as he moved his mouth against yours, tongue swiping against your bottom lip, begging for your permission to enter. You granted it, and like before he explored you with his tongue. He didn’t back away very far, in fact he didn’t back away at all. Instead, he let his lips slightly brush across the area that connected your cheek to your ear, whispering a “Goodnight, Y/N” Before dropping his hands, and turning to leave. 

He left you hot and bothered, as you stood outside your door watching him walk away. This is gonna be so fucking hard, you thought. 

♡ ♥︎ ♡ ♥︎ ♡ 

Your relationship began almost immediately after that night. He wanted to make you wait until the following Monday before speaking with you again, but you refused to wait that long. Tony being older preferred talking on the phone, instead of texting, despite being a tech genius. When you contacted him through iMessage to ensure he got home safely, he called you immediately to tease you for worrying about him. After you brushed him off, you spent the entire night talking to each other, falling asleep to the sound of the others voice.

He sent flowers to your doorstep, the following Monday after your date. It just sort of became a tradition after that. Sometimes they’d get delivered to your apartment, other days to the office (he loved to see your smile, when you’d find them on your desk). Each time they’d be a different kind with a note attached to them that expressed their meaning. Under the meaning would be a message from Tony himself. Sometimes the messages were cheesy, and other times very heartfelt.

The first bouquet was filled with pink peonies, that according to Tony represented romance and good fortune. They were his attempt at welcoming the success of your new relationship. He even said so in his inscription to you. ‘To the beginning of something beautiful’, he wished. 

After your second date, he sent you yellow pansies, that meant he was thinking of you. In that inscription he begged you to ‘Please slow down, when you race through my mind’. The fifth date, was followed by honeysuckles. They declared his devoted affections to you. Their inscriptions insured that you were the only girl on his brain. 

By the time your seventh date came, asters were his flowers of choice. Patience, was all the card said. He sent those after the first night you spent together at his place. You couldn’t keep your hands off of him.

After the date ended, and he took you home, you barely even gave him the chance to unlock and open the door before you were dragging him towards the nearest couch. You shoved him down on it when you reached it, throwing your thighs on either side of his, before devouring his lips. Rocking your hips against his, you consumed his growls of pleasure. He planted his fingertips in you thighs, slowly inching them upwards towards the hem of your dress. You left sweet pecks along his jaw, before decorating his neck with colorful bruises. 

“Y/N, stop.” Tony ordered through gritted teeth. He felt his dick hardening beneath your movements, but you didn’t listen. Instead, you sucked, nipped, and licked at his skin, dragging your teeth over his throat. When you reached a particularly sensitive spot, he bucked his groin into yours, releasing a nasty groan that sounded like pure sex. Like a flash of lightening, his hands were on your hips, removing them from his as he placed you on the seat next to him. Your legs still dangled over his lap, and you looked at him with a wounded expression that was mixed with confusion. 

“What’s wrong? Don’t you want me?” You asked, adjusting your dress, now feeling very insecure.

Tony was busy adjusting himself too (his pants felt tighter than usual), before he snapped his neck to question you. “What? Of course I want you. Doesn’t it feel like I want you?” He questioned, gesturing towards his prominent bulge. Your look of bewilderment turned into a smug smile as you took note of how big it seemed. “I just want to respect your wishes.” He added, smiling at your expression.

“But, I know how you feel about me now.” You assured him, leaning in for his neck again. He gripped your wrist when your hand traveled towards his zipper. He placed it near your side, before speaking.

“I wanna make sure our first time is perfect. Don’t you think you deserve that?” He asked. You had changed him. The Tony from a year ago would have ravaged you the second you asked him. But this one wanted to make sure there wasn’t a doubt in your mind before you slept together.

“Tony, I don’t care about perfect, I want you now.” You stated, leaning in once again to tongue your name into his skin. He cupped your face firmly with the hand that was on your jaw, beckoning you to stop and look at him.

“Be patient, princess.” He whispered, placing a peck on your lips. 

You began to pout, as you threw your legs off of his to sit properly on the couch. You let the cushions swallow you, as you wore your disappointment in your face. Tony chuckled darkly at the sight before him, enjoying how cute you were being. He tucked his leg under the other to turn his attention fully around to you, letting his palm catch his chin as his elbow lay propped against the back of the couch. 

“Y/N,” He cooed, when you remained focused on the nothingness in the distance. “Y/N,” he purred again, yet still he was met with silence as you trained your eyes on the air around you. When he reached to palm the inside of your thigh, he felt you tense up. He traced love notes against the exposed skin, dropping his free hand down to brush a strand of hair behind your ear. He lightly connected his lips to the shell of said ear, before he spoke. 

“Just know, that when I finally do get my hands on you,” He paused to grip the inside of your thigh, parting your legs slightly before continuing, “I’m not gonna stop until your legs are shaking.” He promised. And with that, he pulled away excusing himself from the room, while you released a shaky breath you didn’t even realize you were holding. 

There were plenty of nights like that one. Your favorite ways to relieve some of the sexual tension were, heavy make-out sessions, risky cuddling, and phone sex. You heard each other’s pants and moans before you would even see the other naked. 

Taking your mind off of sex seemed to be the best solution, however. You were still eager to do it, but Tony took your original idea of abstinence and ran with it. He would never admit to you that you hurt him when you assumed he just wanted to get in your pants. He really liked you, and he was gonna make sure you knew it. That being said, you both did any and everything to keep your minds off of what the other looked like without clothes on. 

You both loved to spoil each other. He was the mastermind behind your more extravagant dates, but you orchestrated your more low-key outings. He would always argue that they were better than any he could have ever thought of, but you would debate the opposite. 

Picnics in open fields, ice skating in central park, even camping in the woods were places Tony made happy memories with you. 

Six months passed since you two got together, and your apartment looked like a floral shop due to the amount of flowers he delivered to you. You desperately fought to preserve them. Though most would die, you saved the ones that wouldn’t, framing them with the notes he sent to you. 

You found red tulips one afternoon after work. You found it very odd, since he always sent you flowers after a date, instead of before one. He always sent them after, to relay his thoughts about how you made him feel. There was no flower meaning under the tulips, just a note from him saying, ‘For a very special woman, and a very special evening’.

He always said things similar to the message above, so while you smiled and held the note and flowers close, you thought nothing of it as you prepared for your six month anniversary.

♡ ♥︎ ♡ ♥︎ ♡ 

“This is where we had our first date!” You beamed, sitting down in the chair as Tony pulled it out for you. He had you blindfolded on the ride there, but as soon as you smelled the sea, heard the seagulls, and felt your heels click against the boardwalk, you put two and two together on where you were. 

“Sure is.” He smiled, as he took the seat in front of you. The warm candle light, instantly lit up his face. He was always clean-cut and prided himself in his attire, but you couldn’t help but notice he was more dressed up for this occasion.

  “It’s still just as beautiful as ever.” You cried, head moving from side to side every so often because you couldn’t decide on which was prettier; the heavens or NY’s silhouette. 

“And this is the part where I say, ‘it could never be as beautiful as you, dear.’” Tony cooed, only half-serious.

“Even your cheesy lines couldn’t ruin tonight.” You joked.

“Oh baby, I wouldn’t think about ruining tonight. It is our six month anniversary after all.”  

“It is? Has it really been that long?” You asked, feigning ignorance. 

“Ouch. Y/N, that stings.” He winced, mocking hurt.

“I’m sorry Tony, I guess I lose track of time when I’m with you.” You purred.

“And you call me cheesy.” He mumbled, cheeks sporting a tint of pink. You couldn’t tell if it was from the cool night’s air, or your comments. 

You chose to ignore it. “Wait, so is that why you sent me those tulips? They were beautiful.”

“Yes it is.” He replied. 

“You didn’t include their meaning. Could it be you’re running out of ideas? That would explain why you took me back to the yacht.” You teased. 

He scoffed at you. “I could never run out of ideas. I’ll take you around the world, as soon as I know you’re willing to let me.”

His words left you confused. “Wha—” 

You interrupted yourself when you heard the sound of soft music. You looked over to see that a lady dressed in white had taken her place in front of a harp. She was playing a gentle melody, when a man with a violin sat down beside her. They played their music so beautifully, it would have made angels weep.

“This is amazing…but where the hell did they come from?” You questioned, making Tony chuckle.

“Oh I keep ‘em under the ship. I only feed ‘em on occasion so they know to come back to me.”

“Okay smart-ass.” You laughed, leaning over to grasp his hand. You thought he seemed tense on the ride here and now. He wasn’t his usual chatty self, and only threw jokes here and there. You stroked the back of his hand with your thumb, and took your other hand to rub circles in his palm, something you learned that eased his nerves. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing. I just want tonight to be perfect.”

“Why?”

“Well because…” He paused for a moment, breaking his eyes from yours. “Shit, well maybe this will help me say what I want to say.” He gestured towards someone with a “come here” hand motion, and not a minute later a huge bouquet of roses got placed in front of you.

Your eyes were wide in wonder as you tried to comprehend the meaning of it. “Tony, this has to be over 100 flowers!”

“108 to be exact.”

“108?! I don’t think my apartment can withstand any more of these!”

“If tonight goes well, that will no longer be a problem.”

You didn’t hear what he said, as you were busy searching the roses in awe. Tony had sent you every flower in the book, but never roses. They were the symbol most known for someone who was in love, or falling in it, yet he never gave them to you. You searched the bouquet for a note but found nothing. “The tulips had no message either. I have to say, as much as I tease you for writing them, I always look forward to what you have to say.” You confessed to him, thinking you had shamed him into hiding his words.

“What I want to say, should be said in person, rather than on a notecard. The tulips stand for love.” He cleared his throat before speaking again. “I have fallen, so deeply in love with you, I can’t even find myself. But if I’m being honest Y/N, I don’t really want to.”

“Tony.” You gasped, heart beating a mile a minute. 

“Please let me finish. I’m so nervous, I could choke.” He was sweating bullets, despite the cold night’s air. You grasped both his hands with yours, gazing into his eyes as he spoke, urging him to continue which only seemed to make him more timid. In an attempt to pull away, he spilled his water on your dress. The cold liquid made you jump up, causing the table in front of you to flip over. Bread, glasses, and candles littered the floor, and your servers were running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Tony threw cloth at the ground, as he tried to extinguish the candle fire before it got out of control. “I’m so sorry baby! Oh fuck, I ruined everything.”

“No, no, no, no, no! I’m the one who started the fire. But Tony, look: the flames are out, the view is still perfect, and the roses are still in tact.” You said, picking up the flowers as you tried to make light of the situation. You caused him to laugh, which eased his nerves a bit. 

“The roses.” He sighed. “These little sons of bitches were supposed to make this situation easier.”

“What is so hard about saying I love you. I’ve wanted to say it to you for a while now, I just never had the guts.” You told him blushing a bit. Changing the subject, you said, “You certainly didn’t need 108 roses to tell me. Why that specific number anyway?”

He now felt confident in hearing you say you loved him too. “I’m surprised you waited this long to ask me. It means,” He paused, to get down on one knee. “Will you marry me?”

He could read the surprise in your features, as he took the roses from your hand. He pulled the middle rose out of the bouquet to reveal a ring tucked discreetly around its stem, thorns, and leaves. A beautiful Champagne colored diamond, sat between his fingers as he searched your eyes for answers.

“Yes!” You breathed out, dropping to your knees to throw your arms around his neck. You were teary eyed, as you kissed his cheeks. 

This night, on your six month anniversary, you expected Tony to finally make a move in bed. Instead, he left you happier than you could have ever imagined as his fiancé. 

♡ ♥︎ ♡ ♥︎ ♡ 

4 months later. 

You were originally gonna get married two months after his proposal, but the girls felt that wasn’t enough time to plan your fairytale dream. While Okoye and Natasha gave Tony a run for his money planning the wedding and honeymoon, Wanda and Nakia helped calm your pre-wedding jitters. 

Nat and Tony were constantly at each other’s throats about how things should go. Where she wanted simple and elegant, he wanted flamboyant and extravagant. She was constantly trying to cater to your style and aesthetic, while Tony wanted things to be over-the-top perfect for you in order to make your night one to remember forever. Okoye mostly stayed out of the planning. She only went along with the two to threaten Tony every minute about treating you right. “Be good to her. Or I’ll kill you.” She whispered to him as you guys went cake-tasting. “If you hurt her, I’ll slit your throat.” She smiled to him, while venue-picking. It was safe to say, he hated your friends, but one thing they all had in common was their love for you. 

You couldn’t stand being around those three when they were in a room together. They wouldn’t let you lay a finger on the planning anyway, so Tony asked Nakia to keep you happy. As his wedding gift to you, he treated you all to a pampering fit for queens. Nakia was in charge of the bridal shower, spas, hair salons, photoshoots, etc., all courtesy to Tony. These were all the ways you occupied yourself before the wedding.

The night of your bachelorette party was one of your fondest memories. You and your friends got black-out drunk as you laughed, teased, and cried with each other. 

“Here’s to Y/N, on marrying the moesinsufabullbasterd on planet earth” Natasha slurred, raising (and spilling) a martini. You assumed she was trying to say the “most insufferable bastard”, but it came out in jumbles instead. 

Hiccup. “Heeesna thaa bahd.” You slurred back, playfully shoving the girl. Your words were just as incoherent as hers. 

Your response caused Okoye to erupt in laughter, before her head promptly slammed onto the table for the rest of the night. She was now alongside Val and Carol who had both passed out within the first hour. Whenever those two got together they always drank like monsters. 

Wanda who was rocking back and forth, looked at you suddenly and began to weep. For the eighth time tonight. “My baby’s getting married.” You were trying to hold it together, but her tears caused you and Nat to explode. You were three sniveling women, holding each other close as you guys bawled in your booth.

Nakia, the only one who could hold her alcohol, was done with everyone’s shit so she shushed you all. “Enough. I have gifts to exchange.” While Natasha and Wanda continued weeping, Nakia grabbed your shoulders, and beckoned you to pay attention. “Y/N, I know you’re hanging on by a thread here, but you need to listen very closely. I am going to teach you to please a man.”

Hiccup. “Nakiaaaaaa, I’m not a virgin silly.” You affirmed, slapping her bare arm.

“I know. But you haven’t been with another person in over a year.”

It was true. You and Tony have been a couple for exactly one year. Its been over 365 days since the two of you had even been laid. You still hadn’t even touched each other. You see, it was Tony’s bright idea to suggest waiting until you were married. He had played the waiting game long enough, so he thought why not? “This will make the event even more special.” He said to you, and to himself.

Little did he know, he would regret it. He didn’t anticipate the wait to be this long. You no longer cared about it as much as you thought you would. You were too busy worrying about the big day. But it was all that Tony could think about. He was on the verge of being feral the closer your special night approached. 

“We have to get you prepared.” Nakia continued. “That is why I brung these.” It was then that she handed you her gift bag. You looked inside to find, a dildo, vibrator, blindfold, handcuffs, etc. There were things ranging from special pills to make you wetter, to anal beads. Everything was a toy, or something related to sex. The bag was filled to the brim. You didn’t know why you were so surprised: Nakia was always the more kinky friend. 

“No, Nakia!” You yapped, a little embarrassed. You were horrified. “I’ll know how to make him happy.” You slid the bag across the table, but Nakia slid it back. 

“Well these will help you if you want to spice things up.”  

You slid it back again. “No thank you.”

“I insist.” She said, sliding it back once again. You guys played that game for a while, but you were so drunk you could play it all night.

“Fine, you stubborn child!” She joked, finally conceding. “But don’t come crying to me when you find yourself clamming up in your suite’s bathroom.” Though she was joking, you couldn’t help but find yourself growing anxious. 

What if you weren’t enough for him? What if after all this time, you didn’t live up to his standards? He had been waiting so long for this, what if he expected your first time to be beyond amazing? What if you couldn’t give him that?

You thought about Tony, who was having a bachelor party of his own with Sam, Bruce, Clint, Thor, Bucky and Steve, and you wondered if they were having a conversation about the honeymoon too. You thought about how his friends were probably teasing him about how wild you were gonna be, since you’ve been sex-deprived for so long. Was he gonna still love you if you weren’t?

You pushed those thoughts to the back of your head, and tried to enjoy the rest of the evening. You looked up and waved to the bartender, shouting “Can we have another round?”

♡ ♥︎ ♡ ♥︎ ♡ 

The ceremony was wonderful, the reception even more so. You had the time of your life, with the people you loved, while they watched you marry the man you loved. Natasha and Tony found a middle-ground to make the day both extravagant and elegant. It was a dream. 

But as soon it was all over, your mind drifted towards the honeymoon. The two of you were finally welcoming the world for the first time as a married couple. 

“Y/N Stark. Mrs. Tony Stark. Mrs. Anthony Edward Stark. Mrs. Y/N Stark.” You practiced to yourself. You repeated his name, which was now yours, over and over in various ways, as you guys sat on his private jet. You would think you were on the brink of driving Tony insane, but he’d be a liar if he said he didnt find it cute. “Why yes, I am Y/N, but you can call me Mrs. Stark. AHH, Tony I’m so excited!” You cheered, slapping his arm repeatedly out of elation. Your outburst, startled him from his newspaper. He had managed to tune out your rambles for most of the flight, but little moments like these were hard to ignore. 

“Christ, sweetheart. If I didn’t know any better, I would think you were happier with my name, than you are with me.” He laughed, rubbing his arm. 

“It’s not that. I’m just excited!” You beamed. “We’re married! I have your last name.” Suddenly, you leaned into him, willing him to meet you halfway so you could whisper into his ear. When Tony lowered his head to humor you, you said. “Hey…Between you and me: I could kiss the next person who calls me Mrs. Stark.” You confessed, slumping back down into your plane seat to daydream some more. 

Tony looked at nothing for a second before repeating your gestures from earlier that willed you to lean closer. When you leaned back in, he whispered, “I wouldn’t get that excited, dear. Those lips belong to me now.” He teased, slumping back down before saying, “Mrs. Stark.” He winked as he said the words. 

“Eek!” You shrilled, as soon as the words left his lips. You threw yourself over the arm of your seat to place wet smooches all over the side of his face. Tony sat still, closing his eyes as he basked in them all. He looked at you confused when you suddenly ceased your actions. 

“Hey, who told you to stop.” He asked, but your attention was on something else. Snapping his fingers in your face he gave up when he lost to whatever held your gaze. 

With eyes full of wonder you said, “Wow! This is gorgeous!” You were gaping the moment the clouds revealed the beautiful island of Kauai. Like the wedding, your honeymoon was a complete surprise, which meant you had no idea where he was taking you. “Look at that view!” You gasped, as you admired the clear blue waters, trees, and mountains. 

This was gonna be one trip to remember.

♡ ♥︎ ♡ ♥︎ ♡ 

“Damn!” You sounded, as soon as he opened the doors to your vacation home. “You’ve really outdone yourself, Stark. This is beautiful.” You felt like you said those words in your one year relationship with Tony, more than you have in your entire life. 

“Honestly baby, when are you gonna stop being so surprised.” Tony questioned as he tipped the driver, who also helped lug your bags up. He shut the doors and spun around on his feet to find you admiring the view in amazement. Taking slow strides across the room to meet you, he wrapped his hands around your waist, burying his face in the crook of your neck. Your dress slid up slightly as he pressed his front against your back. Traveling hands turned into curious ones as they smoothed themselves over the expanse of your thighs through your dress’ thin material. 

You felt his hardening member poking your lower back. “Woah! Someone’s excited to meet me.” You chuckled, neck heating up. 

“Try dying.” He responded, squeezing your upper waist before traveling down your stomach. 

“Do you really wanna do this here?” You asked gasping, when you felt his feather light kisses on your neck develop into nips and licks. 

He gripped your waist a little tighter before rasping, “I wanna do it in every room of this house, but yea we can start here.” 

“Tony, quit it. We have so much to do!” You whined, dropping his hands, to skitter away, leaving him in that exact position. Heat burning in your loins, you ignored it to grab your bags from the door. You dragged your luggage to the master bedroom, as you ignored his stalk towards you. Tony, who was hot on your trail, threw himself down on the bed in front of you, laying in a silly, yet seductive, pose. 

You playfully scoffed at his antics. Crossing the room back and forth, to place clothes in your wardrobe, you asked him,“So what’s on the agenda first? The aquarium, bike-riding, snorkeling? Ooo! Should we go hiking?”

He pondered for a moment, placing a finger to his chin to simulate deep-thinking. “Well actually, I was thinking maybe we could break the bed in first.” He suggested, a devilish grin plastered on his features. 

You chucked a pair of rolled up summer pants at him, which landed on his face, dropping to expose his stoic expression. “No! You promised we would do some fun activities when we got here!”

“That is a fun activity. Why go bike riding out in the summer’s heat, when you could ride me right here while in the comfort of your own home?”

“Ugh! You promised!” You giggled, stomping a foot for dramatic purposes. “Besides, you’re the one who said, we should wait until our wedding night. It’s not even 10:00 am.”

“If you actually listened to me, I said, and I quote, ‘Let’s wait until we’re married.’” Tony clarified, sitting up to pull you between his legs, “And now we’re married.” 

You gazed down at him with a stern look that read ‘I’m going to win this’. He gazed back, matching your features, as if to say the same. The both of you were trying to see who would break first. “I don’t have time for this.” You declared after a moment. Tony just sighed as a reply, dropping his head on the mattress. 

  You elected to ignore him, and went back to unpacking, but yelped when you came across something surprising. Tony, who was busy playing with a pair of your panties, didn’t notice what surprised you, but couldn’t help but notice your squeal. 

“What’s wrong?” He questioned, trying to peek at whatever you were hiding under the shirt in your suitcase. 

“Nothing.” You lied, in a sweet tone. He saw right through it though, and began to pry your fingers away. Revealing his findings, he was happy to see the plethora of toys in your suitcase. Nakia couldn’t fit all that she bought you, but what she did manage to slip in while you weren’t paying attention, was more than enough for Tony to work with.

“Woah, woah, woah! Look at what we have here.” Tony gleamed, marveling at a pair of furry black handcuffs. His face was as bright as the day he met you. You were blushing furiously, when he came across a small pink vibrator. “Y/N, you are such naughty girl.” He teased.  

You immediately tried explaining yourself. “I didn’t put that stuff in there. Nakia must of snuck it in while I—”

“Thank you Nakia. I always knew I liked her more than all of your other friends.” Tony joked interrupting you. Then, his eyes lit up when they set upon a pair of interesting looking underwear. His shit-eating grin, turned into a wicked one as he thought about a clever idea. 

“Here’s the deal.” He started

“No, to whatever it is, Stark.” You interrupted before he could propose a stream of bullshit. 

“Come on. At least hear me out.”

“What is it?” You sighed, supposing you could humor him. 

“If you wear these, I’ll go anywhere you want.” He pulled a pair of lacy black panties from the suitcase. They looked harmless enough, until you saw something bulky protruding from their seat.

“Are those, what I think they are?” You asked. Your friend was seriously a fiend. 

“Yup.” Tony said, popping his lips as he said the word. A small smile, took over his lips, as he eyed you. He taunted you with those smug brown eyes. 

You eyed him back, mouth agape, as you thought carefully. You knew he didn’t peg you for taking many risks, but you wanted to wipe that smug expression right off his face. “Anywhere I want?” 

“Anywhere you want.” He mimicked in a promising tone. 

“Fine.” 

“Fine.” He mimicked again, in disbelief that you actually agreed, but he let his face convey that same smug expression. “Well princess, what are you waiting for?” He asked, dangling the pair of lace on his pointer finger for you to take. 

You decided that if he was gonna play games, you’d at least try to play them better. “Put them on for me.”

It was then that Tony’s grin dropped. His eyes that already danced with lust, turned a darker shade of brown. “What?” He asked, voice a tinge huskier than before. 

“Put. Them. On. For me.” You reiterated, speaking slower. Your smile was the smug one this time. You steadied yourself between his legs again, placing your hands firmly against his shoulders. 

Tony placed his tongue between his cheek before his eyes formed into thin slits. Then his face went blank, save his eyes that still burned with passion. 

Without taking the brown orbs away from yours, he took his time dragging his hands up your legs and to your thighs. He admired the supple skin beneath his touch, as they came dangerously close to your heat. 

You were beginning to regret your teasing, when he dug his fingers in the elastic of your waistband, and tugged the flimsy material down. You stepped out of them, suddenly feeling bare as he tossed your underwear to the side. This, was the closest you had ever come to being naked in front of him. He then slipped the vibrating panties around your feet, brung them up your thighs, and stretched the material until it released with a snap that stung and burned your skin. The action made you whimper, and that brung a smile back to Tony’s otherwise unreadable face. 

He then placed the black remote that controlled the panties into his front pocket. “You’re gonna regret teasing me like that.” He warned playfully. But you believed him. 

♡ ♥︎ ♡ ♥︎ ♡ 

This is a fucking game to him, You thought as you sat down for drinks. Tony was playing with that damned remote everywhere you went. He pressed it when you guys went to the aquarium. He pressed it when you went sight-seeing. He pressed it while you were on your famous attraction tour. And now, he was currently pressing it while you suffered silently.

Everything, was cut short to less than forty minutes. Everything. But you figured that was his point. The faster you guys got this over with, the faster he could get you back home. Of course he didn’t want to ruin your honeymoon, but at the same time he knew you guys would be here for a week, which gave you plenty of time to complete everything on the itinerary. And if you didn’t have enough time, he could schedule to stay longer. 

Besides, it was amusing to him, watching you squirm in your seat. Watching your eyes roll to the back of your head. He loved the sight of your hardening nipples, through the thin fabric of your dress. And though he was frustrated from your earlier teasing, and was doing this to get back at you, it quickly stopped being about that when he heard your pants and whimpers. Now he was doing it, solely to get you off. However, he hadn’t let you cum yet. He just wanted to bring you to edge, and see how far he could take you before you begged him to fuck you. 

“Can we have two Mai Tai’s” You asked the waiter. Your voice went through at least two notes as you said it. Before you got there, you begged him to make the order, but he wouldn’t show you any mercy.

A worried look etched its way onto the younger man’s face. “Yes ma’am, but are you okay? Should I call a medic?”

“No!” You said a little louder than usual, hoping he couldn’t hear the low buzz of the vibrator. “Its just a slight tummy ache is all.” You lied, moaning a bit at the end. Your fists were clenched tightly above the table, as you tried to ignore what was going on beneath it. 

“Okay.” The waiter replied, worry still on his features. He shuffled away to prepare your drinks, leaving you alone with Tony. 

“Isn't this view just lovely?” Tony asked, watching the waves of the beach crash against sharp rocks and wet sand. You couldn’t help but feel like that ocean, as your dam threatened to snap for the fifth time that day. 

When you didn’t reply, he increased the remote’s level, making you buck forward in your seat, just to lower the intensity back down again. “You okay, sweetheart?” Tony asked you sweetly. The look on his face read sincerity, and if you didn’t know any better you would of thought he was being genuine.

“Bite me, Stark.” You spat. 

“If that’s what you want.” He whispered, hands slightly shaking from how turned on he was. “Whenever you want to go home, just say the word.” 

You sat up straight, glowering at him. “Oh baby I’m fine. We can still go hiking if that’s what you were worried about.”

He exhaled a dark chortle, before bringing himself closer to you. “Y/N, we can always go hiking tomorrow.” He placed his warm hand at the top of the line on your back, trailing it down your spine. “Now why don’t you let me take you back home, so I can make us both feel better.” He was currently flicking the buttons of the controller, back and forth, so that you were on edge one second, then falling back down the next. 

“Fuck you.” You bit through gritted teeth. Your face was contorted in pure ecstasy, and your thighs went back and forth between being glued together and wide open. You were usually such a good girl for him, but this teasing was bringing out a brat. Tony wasn’t having any of it.

“Okay.” Was all he said, before increasing the remote to its highest level, leaving it there to finish you off. 

An embarrassingly loud wail escaped your throat, just as your waiter was heading back with your drinks. He just stared at you in shock, cheeks a brilliant shade of red, while your mouth just hung open. Tony, the cause of it all, nonchalantly played with the straps of your dress and pieces of stray hair, unfazed your embarrassment, nor the waiter’s. 

You held your head down, took your drink to begin sipping, before you turned to him, shame and regret swallowing you. “I’m ready to go home now.” 

♡ ♥︎ ♡ ♥︎ ♡ 

As soon as you two made it back to the house, you sprinted through the house, and flung yourself into the bedroom slamming its door shut. Tony took his time trudging in your direction, figuring you were still pissed at him. 

He knocked his head against the door, and said “Little pig, little pig, let me come in.” In a deep sing-songy voice, before jiggling the now locked door. 

You, who were indeed irked for what he pulled at the bar, yelled “Cut it out Tony. You said we could go hiking.”  

“And we can…after you let me fuck you silly.” 

“You know if we start that you won’t wanna stop.” You reminded him as you gathered your attire for the trek. 

“You have a point” He muttered. It stayed silent for a moment after that. 

Feeling as though he gave up, you began to undress before slipping into your hiking gear. As you unzipped your dress, you felt the panties begin to vibrate again. 

        Your mouth formed into an ‘o’ shape, as you took a seat atop of your bed to spread your legs. The area between your thighs was still tingly from earlier, so the feeling instantly sent you into overdrive. You were a whimpering mess in no time “Fuck, Tony please stop!” You begged. 

“I wanna hear you cum.” He rasped through the door. 

“I’m gonna take them off.” You warned, lying through your teeth. The pleasure felt too damn good. 

“Let me take em off for you, princess.” His words, along with the vibrations against your clit brung you to tears. Now away from unwanted listening ears, you let your moans rip through you as you writhed against the bed. 

“Fuck, baby this feels so good!” You whimpered, when he increased the intensity of the vibrations. Over your mewls, you heard the clinking of a belt unbuckling, shortly followed by the unmistakable sounds of his low, yet rough grunts. 

“I bet I can make you feel better.” He growled. His voice was filled with frustration, desperation, and a man-eating lust that left you drenched in your own slick.

“Oh Tony, s-shit!” You cried, voice quivering with pleasure. You felt your stomach, tighten, and your coil threaten to snap. Your walls fluttered painfully around nothing, as your head fell back. It wasn’t long after that, before your juices drenched the comforter beneath you. It was silent on the other side of the door, and you assumed he came too. Only, you couldn’t hear him trying to catch his breath like you were. It’s like he never broke a sweat. 

You got up slowly, knees a little weak from your second orgasm, to clean yourself up and continue changing. You made sure to rid yourself of those wretched panties while you were at it. 

When you finally opened the door, you were met with an unfazed Tony leaning against its frame. He looked as if nothing happened, despite bringing you to shambles a mere three minutes prior. He directed his attention towards you when you emerged from the room. “Its about time you finished getting ready, I still haven’t changed, yet.” He informed you, winking as he slipped past you.

Fucking bastard. 

♡ ♥︎ ♡ ♥︎ ♡ 

“You okay?” Tony asked, when he saw your legs give way a bit. Your previous activities still left you a bit sensitive, and as a result: unbalanced. 

“I’m fine.” You assured him as you guys hiked towards the mountain range. The trail was actually within walking distance of your vacation home, so you didn’t need the car to journey through it. 

“Are you sure, Y/N?” Tony questioned. His demeanor now was different from his previous one. He was so sweet when he wanted to be. 

“Yes babe. Why do you ask?”

“You seem a bit clumsier than usual.”

“Well I get that way after, you know, sometimes.” You said shyly. You guys hadn’t talked about it yet. 

He formed his lips to say an inaudible “oh”. “I’m sorry. I was being a horny dick earlier. Please be careful.” When he said the words, he made sure to trail behind you. If you were to fall, he felt he could catch you before any damage was done. 

“I’m okay. And its okay.” You paused. “I forgive you, I can be a tease so its not entirely your fault. But thank you for doing this with me.” You smiled sweetly, looking over your shoulder. 

“Of course, princess.” Tony smiled back, grinning from ear to ear.

You looked back up ahead, to continue your hike. 

You guys stopped occasionally when you wanted to take pictures. Whether they were of the view, rare birds, the sea, or Tony, you clicked your camera trying to savor every single moment of the trip. 

“Stop. Stop. Stop.” You said to him, halting in your tracks. “C’mere. This is the perfect spot to take a selfie together.” You came across a view through the trees that overlooked the sea. Mountains were up ahead too, and the sun hit your skin in just the right way. The whole thing just  looked so aesthetically pleasing to you, you just couldn’t pass up the photo op.  

When he neared you, you both positioned yourselves for the camera. Tony was only a few inches taller than you, but you still had to stand on your tippy toes to place your arm around his shoulder. In this case, you wanted to place bunny ears over his head. A combination of this, as well as holding the camera left you quite unbalanced. And as tight as Tony held onto your waist, it still wasn’t enough to keep you both from tumbling down the hill just after you heard the shutter of your camera.

♡ ♥︎ ♡ ♥︎ ♡ 

He practically kicked down the door of your house when he came upon it. You were draped around his back like a monkey as he jogged you through the living area. 

“Tony put me down.” You begged. 

“Christ Y/N, I told you to be careful.” He reprimanded, as he placed you on your feet, pushing you down on the couch. He ran to the nearest bathroom, ransacking the contents of the medicine cabinet for a first-aid kit. 

When he found all of the necessary supplies, he came rushing back to tend to your wound. If you could even call it that. It was a small bloody scrape on your kneecap, and he acted as if it needed to be amputated if he didn’t treat it soon. 

“Damn it! Is alcohol better, or should I use peroxide? Fuck it, soap and water it is.” He muttered to himself.  His head was all over the place as he ran to go get a small bowl of warm soapy water, returning once it was retrieved. He wanted something that would both clean the cut, but also wouldn’t cause you any pain. 

Getting down to his knees, he tended to the scrape. He took your leg, tenderly into his hands, before going to work.

“Tony, I’m fine.”

He ignored you, continuing his movements with the cotton-ball. You couldn’t help but admire him as he cleaned your knee. The look of dexterity in his face was astounding. It was the same look he’d get, when he worked on a new piece of tech. 

You were beginning to feel guilty. Truthfully, Tony was the one who took the worst end of the fall. He had a cut on the bridge of his nose, and one on his cheek. You even saw his shirt was damp, and a small pool of red liquid was forming underneath. Yet he remained trained on you, determined to make sure you were okay.

“Tony, you’re hurt!” 

“I’m fine.” He insured.

  “But Tony.”

“Baby, I need to concentrate.” He had long stopped the bleeding on your knee, patched it up, and was currently searching for any other wounds. He placed a quick kiss on your bandage. “You okay?” He asked, finally meeting your eyes.

“Yes,—”

“Does anything else hurt?”

“No, but—”

“How many fingers am I holding up?” 

“None. Can I—”

“Are you feeling any shortness of breath? Nausea? Weakness? Dizziness? Chest pain? Because those are all signs of internal bleeding—”

“No, Tony. Please stop. You’re the one who’s bleeding!” It was your turn to treat him, yet he kept rambling on and on about you. You took a cotton pad and got to work on his face. That was when he began sulking.

“This is my fault.”

“No its not.”

“Yes it is. I made you clumsy.”

You chuckled at how dead serious he was. “I have a scrape on my knee, that will be gone in like ten hours. Meanwhile you have a bloody face, and a possible gash on your stomach, and you’re upset about me falling?”

“I just don’t like when you get hurt.”

“I’m fine. I’ve been trying to tell you that.” When you were done with his face, you hunched over to his stomach to patch the scrape there as well. Tony, still placed between your knees, repeated your actions from earlier, this time admiring you. When you were done treating the cut on his stomach, you tried to pull back, but he caught your wrist, trapping you in his gaze. 

You two stayed like that for a moment, before he captured your lips in his. Deepening the kiss, he lifted himself up onto the couch as he did so. He pushed you back so you lay against its length, stretched out completely as he hovered above you. Removing his sweaty t-shirt over his head, he threw it across the room before attacking your lips again. 

He tugged at the drawstring on your shorts, while placing wet kisses along your neck. You laced your fingers in his hair, trying to guide him to where you wanted him, but you didn’t have to do much since he knew all of your spots. 

His right hand pushed your shirt up to expose your bra, before his lips traveled down your skin to lay butterfly kisses in his wake. He pushed between your thighs, draping your legs around his waist. Your breaths were coming out in labored pants, as you realized this was the moment you’ve been waiting for. 

As you were moving against him, you felt an unusual amount of liquid pool to your panties. Then, your eyes which were previously glued shut, snapped open. “Shit.” You shrieked, sitting up with a quickness. It all startled Tony so much, he rolled off of the couch.

“Fuck!” He yelped, when his head collided with the floor. 

“No, no, no, no, no!” Was all you repeated as you scampered away. 

“Ow?” Tony groaned rubbing his head, but when he sat up to question you, he only saw your ankles as you retreated into the bathroom. 

When it slammed shut, he leapt up to his feet to see what the problem was. “Y/N, open up. We can talk about this.” He said, once he reached the doorway. 

“No we cant. Please don’t be mad at me, I’m so sorry.”

“Oh sweetheart, I don’t want you to feel pressured. I’m the one who’s sorry. We can wait, okay? Just come out please.”

“No Tony. It’s not that, its something else.”

“What is it?” He was met with sobbing, as you began to weep. Trying to open the door, he thought you had hurt yourself, or that he had hurt you, and was now beginning to grow even more worried. “Baby open the door, please.”

“No! You’re gonna hate me.”

“I could never hate you. Please, just tell me what’s wrong!” Tony pleaded, banging on the door. 

“I just started my period” You cried, breaking out into tears. You continued for a minute, until you realized he wasn’t making any noises. “Tony?” 

“I’m still here, pumpkin.” He replied, trying to soothe you. 

“Are you mad at me?” You shrieked.

“Nope. I’m just thinking.” He informed you. 

“About what?” 

“About how much my head hurts.” He chortled. “You could have just told me, without panicking so much.”

“But I—I  ruined our wedding night.” You wailed. 

He scoffed at how silly you were being. “No. You didn’t. Can you come out now? I think I’ve talked to doors enough today.”

“No. I deserve to drown in my tears.”

“Y/N. You’re being ridiculous. Come out.” He demanded once more. 

“No! Just go away. I wanna be alone.” You whined. And so, he did. 

♡ ♥︎ ♡ ♥︎ ♡ 

1 hour later

Lying in bed, wrapped up in your comforter like a burrito, you soaked the sheets with tears. You had fished out one of your emergency tampons from your purse to clean up, then grabbed a bottle of wine. You’d emerge from the covers every so often to take a sip, but then immediately plunge back under when you were done. 

Tony was gone. That was bad. You knew you had told him to, but you didn’t expect him to actually listen. You weren’t being fair, but you still expected him to just read your mind like the genius he was. Like he usually did. 

It was better this way. I deserve it. You thought. You thought he was pissed at you, as he should be. He had every right to be. No you couldn’t control your period coming earlier than usual, but you could have at least controlled your sour reaction. It was also your fault for constantly denying him. Yes, you wanted to take advantage of all of Kauai’s island fun, but you’d be lying if Nakia’s words didn’t ring in your head. You were nervous to give yourself to him for the first time, and that made you sort of relieved that you still had time to prepare.

You took another swig of your grown up juice, only to quickly scramble back to your cocoon when you heard the front door open and shut. 

“Sweetheart.” You heard Tony faintly call from the other room. When he realized you weren’t in the place he left you, you heard his quick shuffle draw nearer. The closer he drew, the more you encapsulated yourself into the comforter. You told yourself you’d act like you were sleeping, in order to avoid facing him. 

When he entered the room, he called your name again softly, as he took his stance by the side of the bed. He, despite your poor attempts, knew that you couldn’t be asleep in such a position: the heavy bedding would practically suffocate you. 

“Y/N, get up. I brought you a few things.” He informed you. He was met by silence. When he nudged your side, you moaned and groaned like the undead. You heard the plastic of a bag rustle, as he poured its contents all over the bed. He untucked the cover from over your head, and got on the mattress beside you. Stroking your head lovingly, he said a “Hi”, as you reluctantly met his eyes. You peered at him through dewy lashes and puffy eyes. 

He offered you a kind expression before beckoning you to “Sit up.” You did so, and that’s when you saw the arrangement of  feminine hygiene products, candy, ice cream, chips and every other favorite snack of yours. But best of all, was the wine. You retreated back to your burrito, after bawling your face up with sadness. Tony heard your muffled cries through the comforter, as you sobbed out “No one’s ever bought me tampons before!”

“Well that’s sad.” He declared.

You ignored him, wailing “I don’t deserve you” as you let out the ugliest cries you’ve ever heard in your life. 

“Yes you do.” He corrected you, further folding you in your blanket, before picking you up to haul you into the living room. As he threw you over his shoulder, you continued your drunken wails even as he placed you on the couch. He turned on Netflix to the show “friends”, it was something of a ritual to play it whenever you felt bad, and as soon as the theme came on, you started dry-heaving.

You shakily pulled out your unfinished bottle of wine drinking its remains, before grabbing the one Tony bought, as he glared at you like you grew another head. “And I thought I had an alcohol problem.”

“Shut-up, I’m sad.”

♡ ♥︎ ♡ ♥︎ ♡ 

Almost one week later. 

As the end of your vacation approached, you had been all over the island of Kauai. You experienced all of the joys of a honeymoon, save the sex. 

Every morning, your husband made you breakfast in bed, and made you feel like a princess. Just like from before when you guys dated, he’d bring you flowers with a notecard attached to them on your breakfast tray. 

He really made you forget that you couldn’t have sex, but then he’d remind you the second after when he placed kisses on your shoulders. After breakfast, you guys would get ready for the day ahead. You always did something new. You went kayaking, zip-lining, snorkeling, and an array of other things that you dreaded the end of.

Couples massages were the absolute worst. Every time your period came around, you were a horny mess. So it didn’t help when Tony rubbed warm oil on your back, tenderly massaging it into the skin, while whispering all of the dirty things he was gonna do to you the minute he knew you were ready. His large warm hands would travel particularly low on your back, as he worked out your kinks, pressing kisses onto your spine every now and then. 

You now shivered at that memory, as you gazed at the stage in front of you. Where you were currently, was a live dinner and show. It was your last night in Kauai, and Tony wanted to make it special by bringing you to a place you begged to go, even though he cringed at the idea. Different bands played live “island” music, while couples both danced and cheered from their seats. 

You and Tony were sitting at a far off table, that was mostly away from prying eyes. He was actually enjoying it more than he thought he would. He would kill you if you told his friends that though. While he was enjoying the show, you were sitting still, gazing at him, more quiet the usual. 

You were trying to debate with yourself, on how to tell him your period was over. While you were happy it was gone, butterflies overturned your stomach as you realized tonight might actually be the night. Nakia’s words, still haunted you, as they tended to, and you fought yourself for refusing her pointers. 

“What’s wrong baby?” Tony asked you, pulling you out of your daze. “I thought you wanted to see this show.” 

You tugged at your bottom lip with your teeth before saying “I did. Its just I wanted to thank you for working so hard in order to make me happy.”

“I’d do anything to make you happy.” He said, placing a hand over your knee, giving it a tight squeeze before pulling away, turning his attention back to the show. You caught his hand, however, before it could drop. 

“I have something to tell you. Promise you won’t judge me.”

Tony quirked an eyebrow as he smirked, already ready for where this was going. “I promise.” he affirmed. 

“Okay.” You said, taking in a deep breath. “I wanted to make sure before I told you this, but my period is off. But before you say anything, I just wanted to ask you this: if we decide to take things further tonight, could you please just take it slow with me?”

Tony’s smile faltered, before dropping completely. He thought you were going to say you wanted more fries. “Where is this coming from?” He questioned you, upset that he made you so worried and self-conscious. 

You looked down, unable to meet his eyes. You truly felt pathetic as you confessed, “I just know that you probably expect things of me. And its been so long since I’ve done this, I wonder if I even know how to please you. I just want to be enough.” 

Tony sighed, placing a finger on his temple frustratedly. “Aw baby I think you need a drink.” He stated, reaching for the bottle of tequila he ordered for the table. The plan for the night, was to get drunk, act stupid, and pass out wherever the liquid took you. 

He began to pour you a shot to ease your nerves, before speaking again. “Let me be clear about something” he started, the liquid splashing against the glass cup, before he sat the bottle of liquor down on the table. “I don’t expect anything from you, but your permission. Just give yourself to me, and I’ll take care of the rest. And if you wanna wait, like I said before: sex isn’t everything. I’m happy with just you. But, just tell me when you’re ready” He ordered, gazing into your soul. 

You were the first to break eye contact. You sprinkled salt on the side of your hand, licking up its contents soon after. Tony drank in your movements, pupils blown with lust. You washed down your salt with tequila, wincing at the slight burn. Your wince turned into a cringe when you placed a lime wedge between your lips, its juices spilling down your chin. Pouring yourself another shot, you slammed your cup down on the table before abruptly standing up. “Okay, i’m ready.” You proclaimed, practically a new woman with this newfound liquid courage. 

Tony poured himself a shot, before standing too, capturing your waist as he pressed your back firmly against the edge of the table, before lifting you to sit upon it. He pushed open your knees with his legs, bringing himself between them. You looked at him with alarm mixed with confusion. “I didn’t mean here!” You exclaimed, causing him to chuckle. 

He placed a lime wedge between your teeth. “Hold that for me sweetheart” he ordered, sitting you back just far enough to sprinkle salt along your collarbone without it falling. He licked a slow stripe along the skin, where the salt sat. Picking up his shot, he threw it back, before you felt his hot breath fan your lips. As they hovered there for a moment, he rescued the lime wedge from your lips. 

Not satisfied with its taste, he dropped it over your shoulder, going for your lips instead. The kiss was feverish, as his sour yet sweet tongue probed your mouth. You threw one of your hands behind your back to hold your balance, while Tony let his hands run along the length of your body. He squeezed firmly upon reaching one of your breasts, placing his other hand between your thighs. You moaned at the action, lacing your fingers in his hair in your attempts at deepening the connection. 

Tony let his lips trail down your neck, right back to your collarbone, where he tasted remnants of salt. His hand that was placed on your thigh, slid closer, and closer to your entrance, before he dared to hook his fingers between the fabric. 

“Sir!” A man said from behind him, violently tapping his finger on Tony’s shoulder. “You can’t do that here.” 

When you two looked over his shoulder, you realized it was the same waiter from before that you traumatized early on in your trip. He was definitely done with your shit. 

You both let out a chuckle, before Tony turned to you, saying “Lets go home.”

♡ ♥︎ ♡ ♥︎ ♡ 

Stumbling into the house, Tony kicked the door shut before spinning you to press your back firmly against it. The two of you were desperate to show the other how much you wanted them, in one heated session. He entangled his tongue with yours, roughly making you eat his kisses. Like at the show, he broke the kiss to pepper more along your skin. 

He started with your neck, sucking roughly, immediately causing purple and blue bruises to show in its wake. Then, he moved on to suck and lick at the exposed parts of your breasts. Finally, he fell to his knees bunching up your dress so it stay just above your waist, before ridding you of your panties. You tensed up as he performed the action, taking in a deep breath as he threw one of your legs over his shoulder locking it, and you in place, against the door. 

Before he draped his arm over the leg that was on his shoulder, he gazed up at you, silently asking you of your permission before going any further. “Keep going, please.” You urged, and that was all the push he needed. He offered a small smile, before he attacked your entrance with his tongue. 

He was usually one for foreplay, but you two had been playing that for a year now, so he wasted no time violating your nub. 

You threw your head back against the door, not even bothered by the pain from the thud, as whimpers and mewls escaped your lips. You were far too focused on his slow but firm measures against your body. Tony’s arm around your leg, was in a position where he could hold you in place, and rub harsh circles around your nub at the same time.

He ran his tongue between your folds, licking up the sweet nectar you offered, while he used his other hand to let his fingers invade your insides. 

Bucking and rocking against his face, the pleasure was so intense, you found yourself trying to pull away, but his strong arms held you steady. Your fingers found his hair, and you didn’t know  whether you wanted to pull him closer to you, or tug him further away. He made the decision for you, burying his face deeper into your pussy. 

He took the fingers he used to stretch you out and placed them at your lips, spreading them open, before replacing his thumb with his mouth, sucking harshly at your nub. Your juices dripped down his chin, as you desperately tried to hold on to something. In realization that you were slipping, Tony hooked your other leg over his shoulder, giving him more access to your opening. As you climbed further up the wall, he followed you, determined to keep you from escaping his relentless endeavors. 

You were unable to form any other words besides, Tony, uttering the two syllables every other second. Moans erupted through your chest, tears streamed down your face, and your nails digged into the skin behind his neck, as you chased your orgasm. Working you through it, he licked up the trail of cum, that dripped from your cunt. He groaned against you as if you were the most delicious drink he had ever tasted. 

Placing you gently down onto the ground, he chuckled when he had to catch you from falling. He swiped his thumb across his chin, before licking the remnant of your juices off the pad  of the finger. He moaned at the taste, leaning in to transfer it to your lips. 

He cupped the globes of your ass, as he stuck his tongue down your throat. “Taste that?” He asked between kisses. 

“Yeah.” You half-whispered, trying to keep up with him.

“So fucking sweet.” He replied, in reference to your essence. He then hoisted you up so you could wrap your legs around him, before traveling through the house. 

It was your turn to attack his neck as he carried you away to your room. Tony, now completely riled up stood you on your feet, as the two of you ripped away articles of each other’s clothing. He let the straps of your dress, fall as it pooled around your feet.

You were starting to feel self-conscious again, since this was the first time he had seen you so bare. While you were looking down in shame, Tony was ogling at your beauty. “Fuck.” He exclaimed. “How did I get so lucky. You’re an angel.” You smiled sheepishly at his comment, your confidence was slowly coming back. He gently pushed you, so that the back of your knees could collide with the mattress. 

You climbed backwards, pushing yourself under the covers, the remaining bit of shyness making you cover yourself in shame. 

Tony, eyes still remained on you, finished ridding himself of his clothes. When he was done, he lifted up the bottom of the comforter, climbing in at the foot of the bed. He made a few stops along the way, kissing at your legs, thighs, and stomach, before revealing himself from beneath the sheets. He smiled, when you giggled, placing a quick kiss to your mouth. That one turned into a deeper one, as he bit and tugged at your lips. 

He placed himself at your entrance, still kissing your bare skin to ease your mind a bit. He was big, you knew that much, and it kind of made you nervous. Slowly moving forward, he pushed his tip in, teasing your opening, before stretching you completely.

You both groaned at the feeling. Him at your tight fit, and you at the feeling of him inside you completely. As he bottomed out, you released a gasp, which Tony cut off with a kiss. “Tell me when to move, princess.” He said between pecks.

You nodded your head after a moment, unable to form any words, signaling for him to move forward. Tony’s hips instinctively snapped forward at first, but then he slowed his movements on account of this being your first time with him.

Slow thrusts, turned into quick ones, as he pounded into you. Your cries and moans, and the sound of your wetness mixed with his thrusts,  bounced off of the walls. You wrapped your legs around his waist, as he inserted himself in and out of you. His arms that were previously on either side of your face, collapsed as he let his lips attack the crook of your neck. 

Your hands, that fisted the sheets, found his back, clawing at the flesh, as he let out growls from the sting and from the pleasure. 

He picked up his pace, and the closer you got, the dirtier his words were. “Look at you taking my cock like a good girl.” He would whisper in your ear, as he drilled into you. When you would clench your walls around him, he would get nastier. “Oh you like that? You’re so fucking sexy. Are you gonna cum princess? Hmm?” He would question, cupping your jaw as he looked up to peer into your eyes.

You would just moan in response. Your body, and his, becoming drenched in sweat, tears, and who knows what other kind of liquids, as you two stuck together like glue. He became incoherent the wetter you got, and the more your walls fluttered against him, signaling your impending orgasm. 

“F-fuck baby! I-i’m gonna cum!” You managed to choke out, your lower stomach spasming, as you writhed against him, placing a hand against his chest.

Tony said nothing as he slipped in and out of you, hand grasping the hand that was on his chest gripping your wrists, and placing them above your head. He didn’t have to say a word, because his face said it all. His brows were furrowed together, eyes glued shut, sweat soaking his forehead, and mouth hung open as he continued his motions in and out of you. 

If he wasn’t going fast before, his pace was now brutal as he approached his orgasm too. Each stroke was a hit against your g-spot, and a graze against your clit, that had you speaking in tongues. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, the closer you came to ecstasy. Your whimpers turned into screams, as your coil snapped. Your orgasm, was Tony’s breaking point, as your pussy had a death grip against his dick. His hips stuttered, and his cock twitched inside of you, as he let out the sexiest grunt you had ever heard, spilling his seed into you. 

He released his grips on your wrists, surely leaving a mark in its wake. He laid his sweaty forehead against yours for a moment, trying to gather his composure. You, too, were gasping for the same air as him.

You both still hadn’t opened your eyes yet, vision too blurry from the stars you were seeing. This man made you experience the most intense orgasm of your life. 

Capturing your lips once more, Tony left a lingering kiss on you. After that, he finally let his eyes open, you followed suit. He smiled and asked, “I can’t believe you were that amazing. And you had the nerve to be worried.”

You spared some of your breath, as you let a laugh. “I didn’t even do anything. I just laid there.” You told him. 

“You can just look at me, and I’ll fall to pieces.” He admitted, which made you erupt into a fit of giggles. 

Still in each other’s embrace, you two recalled the entirety of your relationship, down to this very trip. You recalled the very first moment you told each other your feelings. The moment he met your friends and you his. The time Okoye threatened to kill him for almost forgetting your favorite color. The time you tripped in your wedding dress. Even the time you fell down a hill a mere 5 days ago. And he would absolutely not, let you forget the moment you burst out crying because he bought you wine and tampons.  

Laughing, and blushing over some of the silliest moments in your relationship, you promised that though it was bittersweet, you were your happiest when you were with him. 

“Now, that we've warmed up,” Tony started, cheeky smile forming on his lips. “Are you ready to try out some of those new toys?” 

A/N: You guys should like...tell me what you think :) 

[virtual-luvr]

Chocolate Milk

Pairing: Kageyama x Reader

Pronouns: implied male reader (kind of?) but no use of pronouns for reader so

Warnings: established relationship, play fighting, yelling, cursing

Description: you just wanted Kageyama to drink chocolate milk..

Note: literal crack fic- also i hc that kage absolutely hates chocolate milk

---------------

Kageyama was one stubborn bitch, and he'll admit it too.

"Drink it bastard"

"No."

"I saID DRINK IT COME ON"

"AND I SAID NO SO GET OFF ME"

You had Kageyama pinned down, aggressively trying to make him take at least one drop of the chocolate flavoured milk

But he refused

"ITS MILK YOU IDIOT, YOU LOVE MILK"

"NOT CHOCOLATE FLAVOURED I WILL DECK YOU LET ME GO"

"ITS BASICALLY THE SAME THING"

At this point the milk was on the floor, spilled all over the carpet

But you both didnt notice that, Kageyama just kept resisting and at one point you had him in a headlock

"IDIOT YOU BETTER LET GO OF ME SOON OR ELSE"

"YOU SAID SOON NOT WHEN"

"NOW."

"NO"

Both of you are basically wwe wrestling on the floor now. Rolling around the whole living room, not even caring that your neighbours can hear you.

"I GOT YOU THIS MILK WITH ALL THE LOVE IN MY HEART"

"YEAH WELL YOU KNOW WHAT-", kageyama yells and for a second you both stop wrestling for a second

You look at him, quirking a brow waiting for his answer

"I dont want it" he says and purses his lips actling like he spit in your face

You dramatically gasp and wipe the non-existent spit off your face

"How dare you!", you yell and start wrestling again

And even though you were fighting you both had stupid smiles on your faces

Then the yelling started again, it rang through your guys's apartment and bounced off the walls

"ITS NOT ORGANIC"

"ORGANIC MY ASS, COME ON ITS CHOCOLATE"

"I SAID NOO"

You look at the now spilled milk and frown a little, but you had a saving grace

Cups~!

You get off Kageyama hurridly as you run to the kitchen he grips at your ankle and makes you trip down to the ground

"HEY" you yell as he runs by you and into the kitchen

He knew exactly what you were going to do.

He SAW the stash you had, you didn't just have one bottle of chcolate milk you had GALLONS.

He runs to the fridge, you stumbling right behind him almost on his tail.

Luckily for you he left one single carton of milk, and you smirk as you grab it and run in the direction he went off to

Your original plan was to go grab a cup and try to get a few drops from the spilled carton but nevermind~

He grabs as much as he can and stumbles over to your shared bathroom, dropping all the milk cartons in the shower and swiftly locking the door

Panting his breath hitches when he hears your footsteps nearing the bathroom door

He prays that you dont have anything in your hands and the splashing he heard was not a milk carton in your hands

You wiggle the carton in your hand, making sure kageyama can hear it.

You hear a yell from behind the bathroom door and you laugh so hard you almost drop the milk

You jiggle the doorknob and try to pry it open but nothing works

You suddenly got an idea though and you triumphantly yell

"bitCH I LIVE HERE I HAVE KEYS EVEN TO THE BATHROOM" you say laughing

Instead of a yell you hear a literal scream from beyond the door this time and you laugh even harder then before

You run to the kitchen where you keep all the keys and swiftly grab the bathroom door key hoping that Kageyama didnt pull a fast one on you and ran out

But he heard your footsteps and seeing as he has been in a relationship with you for a few years now he knew what you had in mind

He unlocks the door and runs out, this time to your shared bedroom

Unlike last time though, he forgets to lock the door

He knew it was too late to lock the door

So he runs to the bed and hides his body on the other side of the bed, that way when you entered the room you wouldnt see him and you'd come looking for him

He hears the door open and your shadow is casted on the wall right behind him

He holds his breath but a few snickers come out here and there, as much ad he didnt like chocolate milk, he did find the situation funny

With his snickers you were able to find him easily and when he sees your figure towering over him his eyes widen

You both yell and Kageyama throws a pillow at your face as a tactic.

It blinds your vision and Kageyama takes it as a chance to escape, running out the room as fast as possible

But before he can reach the living room you tackle him to the ground

You give out an excited yell as your finally able to pin down your boyfriend again

"IF I GIVE YOU A KISS WILL YOU LET ME GO" kageyama says but immediately regrets it seeing the expression on your face

"Aight bet, say less" you say and grab at his thighs to pick him up

"I was joking-!!" He yells out trying to get out of your grip, but you had a vice snake like grip on him and theres no way in hell he was getting out of it

You leap onto the couch, Kageyama still in your arms

"No homo" you say and grab his face to give him a long kiss full of giggles and laughter

After you break away he acts like he didnt like it but the blush on his face is evident and shows his true emotions

You've kissed bunch of times but he never got over the butterflies in his stomach each time it happened

Kageyama sighs and looks down, drawing shapes on the couch, disappointment clear in his expression, until he opens his mouth

"Who gave you this idea in the first place"

"Tsuki...."

"TSUKISHIMA? OF ALL PEOPLE-"

"I think he just wanted to mess with you-"

"How did you give in so easily to what he had to say, and whY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME"

"Because..its tsukishima"

"YOU IDIOT"

----------------------

You both look down at the chocolate milk stained carpet. Kageyama sighing heavily and falling on the couch once again

"You're paying for that-"

"IDIOT I WASNT THE ONE WHO WANTED TO FORCE ME TO DRINK MILK"

"Doesent matter!" You say running by kageyama, quickly leaving a peck on his cheek, and then scurrying off before he attacks you

[1150 words; august/6/2020]

[ahwait-no-yes]

so basically my friend told me today about her dream she had that involved a demon and of course my mind went “...SAIOU AU”

here’s our convo so it makes sense:

if I had the motivation i would DEFINITELY write a fic about this- the fluff/crack/angst potential is t h e r e

and as a bonus doodle,

story is under the cut (it’s long)

“I was gonna keep this in tags but hsdf;j” is what I originally wrote here until I started thinking about this more and sorta wrote the whole plot-

-> as ouma’s killing the other monster things he flirts with shuuichi while the poor demon has never been flirted with so he’s stood there all confused and ??? (his version of blushing would be like, the fire coming from his small horns gets bigger and brighter)

-> the one he summons ends up being like. kaede and they both just end up having to lecture shuuichi on why it is that he should not want to die so easily

-> eventually kokichi and kaede wanna give him a hug so they try to but shuuichi’s Extra Hot™ (from being a demon and also probably blushing) so they both immediately regret that choice but kokichi laughs and gives an obligatory pun about shuuichi being hot which only confuses him because ‘of course im hot?? im a demon??’ while kaede explains what ouma meant

-> imagine shuuichi crying (fire tears..) at the generosity of these two strangers who a) aren’t absolutely terrified of him, b) refuse to hurt him and c) actually *want* to help him and ouma actually inwardly understanding a little bc he’d never imagine someone actually wanting to be with himself either

-> saihara now wanting to know what it’s like to live as a human with ouma and akamatsu but being unable to find a way (except for maybe being undercover?) but promising he’ll bring ouma back to him (he’s aware of the whole aging phenomenon in the lil demon world so he wants to keep their time short) and ouma finding that now he has something to look forward to

-> the 👏 mutual 👏 pining 👏 that commences after they both have to leave each other (if kaede knows kokichi in the real world she’d definitely tease him a little knowing he has a crush- this is probably good potential for building oumaede friendship)

-> it takes a while before ouma and saihara can see eachother again because getting the two to escape without killing saihara exerted a lot of energy on him, but they do get to! about once a month to be safe, and they get to know stuff about eachother like which shops ouma likes to steal from and shuuichi’s really loud demon friend he once had (aka momota)

-> one day though saihara tells ouma that if he keeps doing this he’ll die of exhaustion (it takes a lot of energy from saihara to get ouma in and out of there) and ouma calling him an idiot but really being worried. saihara tells him not to worry about him even if something happens to him, and makes ouma go back to the real world

-> ouma doesn’t hear from him after that

-> he worries he might have been killed or saihara forgot about him and feels stupid for being so hopeful in something so childishly impossible and starts trying to forget about him

-> the real world is aware of demons cause people talk about them (and obvs you can tell when someone’s gone to their.. dimension thing because you can visibly see them age) so still denying that he’s curious and likes saihara still, ouma tries to go to libraries and do his own research on demons and ends up finding out that saihara specifically comes from a bloodline that makes him quite powerful if not for that he wouldnt want to take the risks that come with it and then lowkey gets excited again for saihara while still in ✨denial ✨

-> it’s been almost a year when saihara has enough energy (and more) to ensure that his new plan is successfully carried out and that ouma (and potentially 1 more..) gets back to the real world safely. he created this plan when he figured out how to exist in the real world- by sacrificing the thing he cares most about

-> so when ouma suddenly gets that off-feeling people get when they’re leaving the real world he feels very many emotions at once (giddily going ”ohh my god its not this it cant be this no way oh heck tthisis not happening not a chance”) until he sees the face he’s been waiting 4 months for again except this time it looks.. frighteningly cold

-> ouma’s instincts are screaming at him that something is very, very wrong here especially when he can’t hear any warmth when saihara says “Welcome back, Ouma. It’s your final time” and explains the whole ‘kill these monsters then kill me’ thing again

-> ouma’s confusion inevitably turns to annoyance as he kills the dudes (there appears to be a lot more than there was last time) and fires questions at saihara (‘is this saihara?’ ‘what happened to you??’ ‘do you even remember me?’) while saihara stays silent for the whole time thinking about how he really doesn’t want to be doing this. 

-> eventually ouma decides he was wrong (again) to have put his faith in a guy- a demon- he only met once a month.. even if said demon gave him something to look forward to

-> when he finally gets to saihara alone he internally notes that saihara cant look him in the eye, but he finally speaks to tell ouma that now either himself or ouma will now die (saihara knows this is for sake of the sacrifice, but he can’t let ouma know else it won’t work)

-> ouma refuses to fight him again, expecting saihara to snap back into the meek demon from a year and some months ago, but rather than that happening saihara actually says something like “if you won’t kill me, I’ll have to kill you” and swings at him

-> even if ouma was on his full guard, he still would’ve been surprised by how strong saihara actually could be when he tried to fight- and of course saihara can’t stop now that he’s started but ouma hears the hesitation when saihara asks “are you going to kill me yet?” and gets annoyed that the whole time he spent with him and even akamatsu meant nothing. saihara smiles sadly knowing he’s achieving his goal but ouma thinks he’s smiling at the thought of dying and gets somehow even more annoyed

-> during their whole fight, insert “I’m alone, Ouma, and I will always be” line from saihara, “No amount of talking can convince me otherwise, Ouma. I’m sorry it took so long, but it was foolish of you to trust a demon you met only once” or something and yes it hurts saihara too but ouma’s staying silent and before saihara can continue, ouma fires back with “You’re right- you are meant to be alone. You were always meant to be that kind of guy” and stops dodging to start finally attacking- this is when saihara knows he’s pretty much achieved his target: sacrificing ouma’s trust in him

-> just as ouma swipes at him, saihara’s lil spell thing is activated that takes saihara back to the real world, disguised so people don’t see him as a demon. but now ouma thinks he’s just killed saihara (I just attacked him. and he is gone. i dont know what that light was but i must have just killed him. oh my god im a murderer.”)

-> saihara hiding in the forest to do the lil spell thing again but on ouma (all the time he spent saving on energy was worth it) so ouma gets transported to the real world too and immediately runs to tell akamatsu everything that happened

-> saihara trying to find to blend in with humans from what he remembers of how they act but he doesnt need to particularly eat he just needs a heck ton of sleep so he basically just lives in the forest now. he’s very sensitive to water so he actively stays away from it too (it wont kill him but it does make him sick). he’s still feverishly warm but not scalding and he also decides to work at a store to fit in more

-> ouma regretting what he did to saihara even though saihara hurt him first and realising he misses him

-> saihara ends up accidentally bumping into him at the store he works at that ouma conveniently steals from a lot (”Ouma, you’d make a good demon” “Nishishi! What do you mean? I’m a perfect little angel!”) and saihara gasping when he notices ouma’s unforgettable purple hair and cute smile.

-> ouma finding something familiar about this awkward new staff with the cute face and deciding he’ll visit the shop more often to see this stranger and not because said stranger might help him get over his demon crush

-> then they get to know eachother again for the 2nd time, and as much as this guy is really cute, he clearly knows more than he’s letting on... so of course ouma’s gotta now pay even more attention to him. just so he knows what the guy’s hiding. not cause he wants to know him.

-> one day saihara is sick from trying to protect himself from the rain (cause yk, water bad) so he stays in the forest instead of coming in to focus his energy on getting better and also not blowing his cover. ouma notices he isnt there on that day and asks other staff members where he lives and they’re all like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

-> it rains quite a bit after that, inevitably making saihara even more sick and in turn needing time away to himself, so ouma starts getting worried when saihara stops coming to work

-> saihara really wants to see him though, so one day he tries to drag himself to work in a terrible state where he’s actually almost cold for once and collapses after trying to run to ouma. ouma sees him and tells his manager he cant work nd takes him home himself where saihara wakes up confused

-> ouma lecturing saihara because he worried him and the way he fell reminded him of.. someone (demon shuu).. then he asks vague questions to saihara about if he’s ever met a demon and half-confesses to having met one himself multiple times and ending up falling in love and then probably killing them

-> saihara, in his tired state, tells him his story of how he was raised to believe he had no purpose other than to meet someone who would kill him, eventually finding that person but instead of looking at him with fear or anger he looked at him with admiration and playfulness, how the guy meant to kill him refused to and flirted w him instead. ouma has probably clicked on by this point but saihara continues to tell him he wanted to protect that guy with the power he had so he took time away from his first ‘job’ to find out how to be with him. saihara is probably shaking at this point while he continues telling him about how he found out he had to sacrifice the most important thing to him, so he “went and had a terrible argument with him one day and i ran away. but i’ve never stopped looking for him since, he showed me that even a demon like me can fall in love” (there’s the ✨grand confession ✨)

-> ouma saw it coming from the moment saihara started speaking, but that didnt stop him from being utterly paralysed. of COURSE saihara has to say “When I said you’d make a good demon I really wasn’t lying. Your hand is so warm it could fool even me” which possibly makes ouma completely combust before absolutely bolting out the door and calling akamatsu to tell her to get to his house (”AKAMATSU-CHAN I’M GONNA DIE RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON’T GET HERE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT THIS SECOND”)

-> while waiting for kaede, shuuichi explains that he needs to be Warm™ and immediately holds kokichi’s hold again, while the other’s having a gay panic.. and he doesnt know how to feel because on one hand, his beloved demon is.. right here, in the ‘flesh’, holding his hand, telling him he fell in love with him.. but on the other hand, that doesnt excuse the confusion and hurt he put him through back then, not being able to see him for a whole damn year.. 

-> ouma ignores all the feelings when akamatsu arrives where she’s brought water and blankets (just in case- i feel like shes the kind of friend who would do that) so saihara takes the blankets and ouma takes the water and she calms them both down and gets them to explain everything slowly and in their own time. its awkward esp for ouma who isnt particularly close with her, but they manage it in the end

-> they decide shuuichi literally cant live in the forest so of course now he has to live with ouma but akamatsu offers to help if it ever gets too much for ouma which obviously ouma denies. she leaves soon and its just them but ouma needs some time to himself to clear his head and he only returns late to see saihara asleep clinging onto akamatsu’s blanket with his life lmao so ouma sighs and brings him more. and if he kisses the sleeping demon’s forehead, nobody has to know

-> ofc its still very much awkward and it takes ouma getting used to having even just another presence in his home, let alone his sort-of-unofficial-demon-bf and saihara’s still sleeping a lot of the time but recovering

-> they probably establish their feelings for eachother properly when they’re more mentally prepared for it, and then 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 (they kiss) and are now actually legally boyfriends. i absolutely cannot let this end in angst so they’re happy and love eachother now yay the end

nngl. i talked about this with that same friend and I lowkey want to start writing an actual fic for it now that ive written... literally the entire plot, but if i do that it probably wont be out for a while bc i take 10 years to write lmao-- plus i hardly ever finish what i start so uh yeah.. but hopefully! im not even good at writing fic this is just the plot but yello

[curechocolattymilk]

TES V OC Thingie

[Got tagged by @jessaryss​ ! ]

Pause your game! Wherever your OC is in their game currently, tell me about their story so far.

✧✧✧ General

Current Level: 56

Name: Jeer-Tei Perdes

Name Meaning: Literally got it from a name generator lol. But lore wise it was a name gifted to them in honor of an Argonian who served beside Tei’s mother during the Great War

Pronouns: They/Them

Age: Early 30s where they are story wise???

Race(s): Argonian

Place of Origin: Hammerfell

Pick A Theme Song For Them: oof that's tough... From a Crowded Wound or maybe even Firstwake? If you really played around w personal interpretation/the lyrics that is haha

✧✧✧ Locations

Where Did You Begin Their Game?: Argonian Assemblage, Windhelm (Alternative Start)

Where Are They Currently In Your Game?: Whiterun

What Are They Doing There?: Just finished attending a party held in their honor (Post Blood of Kings)

Homes?: Breezehome, Proudspire, Lakeview & Autmnwatch

# of Locations Discovered?: 274

Dungeons Cleared: 104

Misc. Quests Completed: 87

Favorite Areas and/or Locations: Falkreath / Lakewview Manor. Both areas are where Tei heads off to in order to collect their thoughts/feel some sense of calm.

✧✧✧ Main Quest

Are They Dragonborn / Do They Know It At This Point?: Yes & yes

How Do They Feel About Being Dragonborn: It's...complicated, being thrust into the role of savior by gods of the Cult, which in turn are followed by the folk who see you lesser than them. Tei already has a dislike towards the Divines, this doesn't really help lol

Main Quests Completed: 21

Where Are They In The Main Story Line: Alduin's dead, currently trying to ignore the Civil War as long as they can before the Empire forces its hand into forcing them to join their ranks

Dragon Souls Absorbed: In total overall? 147. The amount currently stored in Tei? 45

Words of Power Learned: 64

Shouts Mastered: 21

Favorite Shout: Firebreath / Dragonrend

✧✧✧ Combat

Most Used Weapon(s): Daedric war axe OR Dragonbone battle axe. Tei technically has both on them at all times during adventuring, alongside a shield, so which they used depends on the situation/which they grab fastest.

Combat Style: Two/One-handed tank. Main tactic is to rush in, cause as much damage/chaos as possible to shake up the opponent, & clean up what the ranged attackers of the party (usually Rumarin, Inigo and/or Lucien) weren't able to deal with.

Armor Type / Level In It: HEAVY ARMOR BABYYYYY (Level 100 + 35 extra points via enchantments)

# of Training Sessions: 99 in-game, lore wise its a lot of self-teaching/keeping their skills learned from Hammerfell sharp. Some of these are magic but lore-wise this doesn't happen cus Tei is not a magic user, save for shouts. I just did those in-game for exp OR so I can help Lucien raise his magic skills :'D

Who Taught Them?: In-game?? Fuuuck so many npcs. Lore-wise? They learned this from their schooling in Hammerfell, going off the canon-lore that it's p much expected for everyone to have a grasp on combat & weaponry! Though they did learn a few things from Kaidan & Anum-La.

Favorite Enemy Type: Dragons! Despite the fact Tei does not have the best magic resistance, it's one hell of a challenge they love to meet.

Least Favorite Enemy Type: Automatons, because of a bad experience with them as a child. Also Undead, because they were raised not to disturb them & it just feels so wrong having to fight them/go into tombs.

People Killed: 945

Animals Killed: 749 (Hunterborn makes hunting fun lol)

Undead Killed: 766

Automatons Killed: 105

Daedra Killed: 136

✧✧✧ Magic

Favorite School(s): None, actually. Destruction is okay though....they guess

Most Used Spell(s): Firebreath or Dragon Aspect. Tei doesn't consider shouts spells though. It's totally different guys shut up they ain't no smelly mage gods

Spells Learned: 9 in-game, mainly due to the spells you're kinda forced to learn for some quests/the ones you automatically know

Items Enchanted: 19 (Tei technically doesn't enchant, and wont next playthrough for sure I wont give in this time >:[ )

College of Winterhold Quests Completed: 8

Where Are They At In The Questline?: Main quest is done bcus i dont like seeing unfinished quests in my journal lmao. Tei's involvement is completely different from canon though in my take. Moreso was hired as a guard for the expedition & was, unwillingly, dragged into the rest of the mess. Is not offered the Archmage position, that went straight to Tolfdir.

Opinions on Magical Guilds (Arcane University, Winterhold, Psijics, Synod, Radiant Dark, etc.): As they get older, they tolerate the guild & magic users more n more, BUT, Tei grew up in an environment that frowns upon the practice of magic, & it shows. They mainly mistrust necromancers/illusionists & still hold onto that belief that reliance on magic, especially for combat, is a weakness.

Bold words for someone with shit magic resistance.

✧✧✧ Crime

Current Gold: 10,640

How Did They Acquire Their Gold?: Odd jobs, selling a lot of the items they made/harvested from smithing & hunting (jewelers are their go-to hirers bcus Tei is great at getting things like ivory), Dwemer ruin diving (they refuse to loot the tombs), also yknow....being part of the Dark Brotherhood helps

Largest Bounty On Their Head: 11,240

For...?: Unfortunately they did not stand down when they were being falsely accused of murder in Markarth. First time Tei called down dragons (Sahrotaar, specifically, Tei managed to get command of Miraak's dragons post-Dragonborn) to absolutely smite some fools.

Current Bounty: None! They're good at not getting caught/threatening and/or bribing guards. :)

Locks Picked: 15 i think?

Jail Time: 1, Cidhna Mine

Jail Escapes: 1, teamed up w the Forsworn lol

Murders: 28

Assaults: 307....In their defense people keep getting in their way during dragon attacks

Items Stolen: 37, most of them from the nobles of Windhelm

Thieves Guild Quests Completed: N/A (wont be doing this storyline unless i cant find a mod that'll let me get the shouts locked behind it)

Dark Brotherhood Quests Completed: 20

Where Are They At In Those Questlines?: DB is completed main arc wise!

✧✧✧ Relationships

Relationship Status: Married to two lovely fellas

Current Companions: atm? none

Housecarls: Lydia & Rayya

Friends (outside of party): Zora Fair-Child, Inigo, Lucien, Anum-La, Morndas, Aela the Huntress, Nazir, Babette, Scouts-Many-Marshes, Isobel, Madesi

Children: Khash, Chases-Starlight, Ram-Ku. (going of where Tei is now - Otero & Mei come around later on in Tei's story!)

Romantic Interest(s): Kaidan & Rumarin.

Sexual Orientation:

GAY

✧✧✧ Religion

Pantheon: Yokudan, with a hint of Hircine worship in there

Patron Deity(ies): From the Yokudan pantheon: Tei mainly views HoonDing as their main patron, but also prays to/pays respect to Satakal.

They are also Hircine's champion.

Daedric Quests Completed: 3 (Hircine, Vile, Dagon - the last Tei didn't really help, moreso pissed off)

Aedric Quests Completed: 1 if you count the whole Alduin thing I guess?

How Devout Are They?: Tei is rather devout, esp to their Yokudan patrons, praying or making offerings daily. They aren't the type to really push it in your face though, but have no issues answering questions one might have.

How Do They Feel About Talos Worship?: Deep down they acknowledge & admit trying to ban worship is terrible, but....Tei also lets their bias/experience with Windhelm, the Stormcloaks & especially Ulfric kinda cloud over this. If the Nords want their old ways so damn much, why fight for a divine from the Imperial Cult? Why not go back to the actual old ways? No, this isn't about worship, not to the men leading this so-called rebellion, they just needed something other than their racist bullshit to fool the common man into throwing their lives away for the nobles sitting comfortable in their thrones.

Also during their whole thing of getting into their role of dragonborn, they get a bonus 'fuck this dude actually' towards Talos, Ysmir, whatever the fuck he calls himself. (tldr; it sucks but good luck hearing Tei say that fully)

✧✧✧ Politics

Gray-Mane or Battle-Born?: Neither, ask them again they will punch you for the love of Ruptga they get asked that every time they enter Whiterun.

Stormcloaks or Imperials?: Also neither, Tei hates em both n think they can all choke. Unfortunately they were forced to join the latter due to, yknow, calling dragons & causing massive damage in Imperial territories during isolated fits of rage and the group being more aggressive in wanting something in return for "letting it slide"....oops

Opinion on the Thalmor?: Oh absolutely despises them, they loudly complained having to work with them during the CW & would go out their way to disrupt their plans/piss them off. Sneaking was an option they did not take during the Embassy quest, if it helps paint the picture.

Opinion Of Ulfric Stormcloak?: Tei doens't say they hate people often...but they sure as hell hate Ulfric. Again, their experience in Windhelm added to this heavily, how both the Dunmer & Argonians were treated like shit, with no help whatsoever from the Jarl or guards when the local Nords targeted them. It's still up in the air if I keep this for Tei's story, but I have it where they knew Chases-Starlight's parents, who were killed. When Tei went up & demanded justice/an investigation, only to be brushed off because it "wasn't a priority," it completely destroyed what little empathy or hope they had left for Windhelm as a whole.

Opinion of The Empire?: Cowards too weak to continue fighting back against the Thalmor, in their opinion, & holds these views they grew up with even when being strong-armed into aiding them. If anything they're at least attempting to use their influence to hint towards a rebellion against the Thalmor, but the Empire could also full-on dissolve & they could give less of a shit.

Civil War Quests Completed: 0

✧✧✧ Personal

How Are They Doing? Need Some Juice? A Nap? A Hug?: The whole event of Blood of Kings has fucked with their head, to say the least. It's the starting point of Tei's eventual spiral. So uh...yeah they're not sure how they're doing everything they knew about reality was kinda challenged & they don't rlly have anyone to talk to about it so its cool, its fine, its all good.

A nap is probably needed, not sure about a hug theough they're super flinchy rn

Days Past In Game: 196

Hours of Sleep: 846

Food Items Consumed: 1833

How Many Playthroughs Have You Done With This Character: Tei actually is an older character from the 360 days so uh...maybe 5 at most? This playthrough & their S:EC one coming up when the mod releases being the main ones focusing on their story

Overall How's Your Level Of Fun: Alright I would say! I just been stepping away from Skyrim more often lately to avoid burning out from it

Must Have Mods To Play This Character (for story or other reasons): Ordinator, Wintersun Faiths, Immersive Armors, Sarcastic Player Dialogue, 3DNPC, Inigo, Lucien Flavius, Kaidan 2, Khash the Argonian, Alternative Start, Leviathan Animations, Beast Race Body Paints, Beast HHBB, Apocalypse Magic, Deadly Dragons, Growl: Werewolf Overhaul, Pronouns, uhhh....idk what else without actually listing my current modlist lmao

----

And that's it for Tei! Anyone who wants to do this go on ahead!

[memoriashell]

with age comes wisdom ( or at the very least, entirely unneccessary celebrations )

Characters /  Pairing: Fukawa Touko / Naegi Komaru ( focused ), Syo / Komaru, Warriors of Hope

crossposted on ao3

Notes: happy @tokomaruweek week everyone!! i love these funky wlw so i am going to try and have some stuff up this week, but i probably won’t manage to do the whole week / i'll go back to do the ones i miss afterwards? we’ll see.

for today i decided to combine the birthdays + warriors of hope prompts.

i’m also just ignoring canon’s timeline bc god knows i did not want to figure out that bs sorry dr3 ily but i dont love you that much just know it is somewhere post sdr2 / pre dr3 probably?

i also use they/them for syo ( nonbinary hc ) and while there aren’t any specific trauma mentions, given the group of characters this revolves around, there’s refrences to the fact they have shit lives. and some lighthearted murder jokes and self-deprication?

Summary: nothing says happy birthday quite like babysitting her ( favorite ) group of brats

It’s just her luck that this would happen— a coincidence for sure, but that doesn’t make Touko any happier about the whole thing.

This is the situation: they don’t usually see the ( former ) Warriors of Hope much. The kids stay on their side of Towa, and her and Komaru tend to stick closer to the adults. The adults are the ones that need to be kept under supervision, in her opinion. Not that the kids are blameless, but is there much reasoning with brainwashed kids? No. Of course not. Are the adults also practically brainwashed and hard to reason with. Yes. Would this all be easier if Future Foundation was involved? Yes. Yes it would, but for obvious reasons they are not ( they have all agreed to omit some information from public record for the sake of those involved, and right now Naegi’s stunt with the Remnants have Future Foundation’s attention away from them ).

Sometimes Komaru takes some of the things that they get over to the kids because things are rough enough as it is, and Syo will go with her because they can keep the Monokuma off their tracks better. Or you know, because Syo is generally more helpful to Komaru when it comes to things like that. She’s not jealous.

Allegedly— Touko does not know this for a fact herself since she hadn’t been fronting, and only learns this second hand while she is in the middle of typing up a report to send back to the foundation— Kotoko is the one to bring it up, casually handing off some of her share of the cookies Komaru had made for them, to Jataro. An early birthday present, she had said ( pointedly ignoring Nagisa, who’d pointed out she had given Jataro the ones he hated ), before turning to Komaru to ask if they could throw a party. A small one. With no murder, because that would be ‘totally not adorbs’. And no adults, because they stink ( it goes unsaid that Komaru and Touko themselves are the clear exception to this rule, which is some kind of progress, supposedly ).

That seemed like a fairly reasonable request, according to Komaru, who’s only response was to ask when his birthday was. And then accidentally lets it slip that hey, that’s the week that Touko-chan’s birthday is! And that’s how Touko finds out that apparently, she’s having a joint birthday party with the kids because Masaru managed to turn a party into a competition, somehow? Touko has no clue what that actually entails, because Komaru refuses to elaborate.

( Also, at one point before leaving, Komaru had tried asking Jataro if there was anything she could get him; to which he’d remarked, “A new mask?”

...Yeah, Touko can’t blame her for not knowing what to say to that, even if Komaru had spun it as not the most self-deprecating thing he could have said, which was an improvement? She personally disagrees, but whatever )

Here, she should point out the obvious fact that she does not want to really celebrate her birthday, let alone have a party for it. Because those kind of things lean so far into the zone of things Touko doesn’t really know how to handle, that it makes her close to uncomfortable. And if— if she had humored herself in imagining how she would ideally spend her birthday this year; quite frankly, it would be very quiet and boring and only with Komaru. Not with a group of ten year olds. Ten year olds that she might think of rather fondly, but ten year old brats all the same.

( It’s not like she has any alive friends: if Touko acknowledges the other survivors, justifiably they are too busy with more important matters to fuss over a birthday. They aren’t kids anymore. Some of them hadn’t ever really been like normal kids to begin with, but that’s besides the point )

“Look at the bright side,” She starts, and she bites back a snide what bright side and remark about how that’s all Komaru’s good at ( it’s not. She’s more talented than she gives herself credit for ). “None of you probably have really positive memories when it comes to birthdays or parties, so even if it isn’t the greatest, at least the bar to please should be pretty easy to clear!”

Touko thinks she probably gets the point she is trying to make here, but Komaru’s complete and utter lack of tact doesn’t make for the best delivery. “Are you trying to...to make me feel bad? S-So sorry my life was complete sh-shit growing up.”

“No! That’s not what I meant at all!” Komaru pouts at her. “Does that mean you’re not interested in having a party?”

It’s not like she’s so cold-hearted and selfish that she’s going to say no to that. Well, no, that’s not quite true, Touko might be just that; but it doesn’t really matter either way, because Komaru gives her best kicked dog impression, so she says ( a less than enthusiastic ) no, she doesn’t mind, yes you can have a party; even if she thinks she’ll probably regret that choice.

Okay, if you are to be honest with herself, some part of Touko that never got to be a normal child doesn’t entirely mind the thought of a party, even if it’s...not the most ideal scenario, the impractical fantasy situation that lives in her head. But if she says that aloud, Komaru will either take it too seriously, use it as an excuse to celebrate things more often, or something else that probably has consequences that she doesn’t want to think about. And also admittedly because if she says it aloud, she has to acknowledge it, and maybe she doesn't want to get her hopes up over something as stupid as a party.

( There’s also the fact that, deep in her extremely repressed memories of Hope’s Peak before the tragedy, she does remember parties. Birthdays. Celebrating things with her classmates, if somewhat forcibly so. She has no desire to remember those things, so those feelings remain repressed with most of her trauma )

It’s easy to not acknowledge any of that when she has to deal with the sudden onslaught of a headache that is Syo forcing themselves into their shared headspace, hand rubbing at her temples. Not trying to co-front, she can tell they aren’t trying to snatch control from her ( for now ), just forcing her to pay attention to them. It works, even though Touko has told them to not do this specifically because of how irritating it is for her.

I could scare the kids into cooperating? It’ll save us a headache and a half! Syo offers, maybe too eagerly. Their ideas of scare and cooperate are probably different from her own. Still. She also knows Syo is aware of more than they are letting on, given that they had been present when this conversation had occurred, but she doesn’t think she’ll get much out of them in that regard.

No. Touko tells them firmly. It’ll be counterproductive, Komaru won’t let you do that, and they’re all traumatized enough without you adding to that.

Boo, you sure about that? Consider it a birthday gift from me!

No. She repeats herself sternly, and she feels them withdraw a bit after that. Ugh, Syo hasn’t had a chance to front much recently, now that she thinks about it. Since they usually only take over when she’s in danger, and she hasn’t really been in ( as much ) danger now that things are starting to calm down. Well, relatively speaking. Syo is probably just looking for an excuse to be allowed to front, since it’s probably rough going from being very present to rarely getting the chance to be out: akin to going cold turkey on an addiction. That’s not exactly her fault ( or theirs ), but maybe she’ll ask Komaru if she’d be okay with hanging out with Syo more, if only to placate them a little, before they try something more drastic.

“Everything okay? That was Syo, right?” She hears Komaru ask after a few minutes, and Touko rubs her eyes and blinks. “You looked a little frustrated.”

She considers telling her the truth, but no point in getting her concerned over nothing. She’d like to figure out what she wants to negotiate with Syo firstm so she’ll leave that conversation for another time. “Fine. They just...ugh, just wanted to make sure I was okay with it.”

“And you are okay with it, right? You aren’t agreeing just because I asked?” Touko thinks she begged more than she asked, but she’s pretty sure Komaru will only sulk if she brings that up.

“I wouldn’t let you if, if I was really opposed to it.” Probably. She...trusted Komaru, or something like that, so she figures she’d probably be more honest with herself and not mentally torture herself by putting herself through something she has no interest in. “But...what are you even planning on doing to celebrate? I can’t im-imagine we’ve really got much around here that we can use for a party.”

“Ah. Uhm.” Komaru looks a little embarrassed at that. “About that. I was kind of hoping you and Syo might help pitch in. You don’t mind, right?”

You’re hopeless, she wants to mutter, but—

Yeah!!!! Syo wakes right back up upon being mentioned, no sense of self awareness at all, much to your annoyance, but it’s not like you completely disagree with the feeling that is shared between you two.

“You— You really bit off more than you could chew, hm...? Good thing this wasn’t supposed t-t-to be a surprise.” She quips, leaning over to peer at the paper she’d been making her notes on. “We’ll help, just tell us what we...what we need to do.”

“Thank you, Touko-chan! And Syo too!” Komaru sounds somewhere mixed between grateful and relieved, and casually plants a kiss on her cheek as if it’s no big deal—

She said my name last, so the kiss was for me! She knows Syo is intentionally trying to provoke her and get a rise out of her ( yeah, a rising sense of jealousy ), but puts that aside for the time being because Komaru’s blabbering on like nothing happened.

“I know we probably won’t have the whole day to ourselves to do whatever—” Correctomundo, Dekomaru! “— but I’ll make it up to you on your birthday, okay? We’ll do something that you want.”

“You don't...there’s no need for that.” She forces out between gritted teeth, trying to ignore the flustered feeling in the pit of her stomach, chewing around a fingernail ( what an unattractive sight to follow that ). “Because— ugh, don’t repeat th-this, okay? What I want to do is spend time with...with you. That’s all. So don’t go...you don’t need to go out of your way trying to do s-s-something over the top. Stick to being normal.”

“Really? You’re sure?” Komaru sounds a little uncertain, but happy enough to pull her into a hug, despite her grumbled complaint. “Oh, but Syo has their own birthday, don’t they? So I should probably ask them what they want as well, right?”

“Don’t make me repeat m-myself. It’s embarrassing...” Touko huffs, but lets herself be held against her side, just for a moment. It’s nice, though she won’t admit it ( it is better than any real gift that she could receive ). Syo is kind enough to back off long enough to let her have this moment. “You can ask them later— focus on, on what you need to plan.”

By something short of a miracle, they are able to pull together a party that is not a complete disaster, even if Komaru probably has a point when she says the bar to clear is a pretty low standard for all parties involved. The closest she has to an actual concern is the very narrowly avoided fight that almost breaks out when Masaru and Kotoko fight over which one of them should give their present first— which is apparently the competitive aspect of the party? It’s probably meant to be heartwarming, if it were not such a foreign thing to Touko. Which Nagisa is quick to put an end to: because this is how they would treat Monaca, which is not inherently healthy, and she’s glad that at least one of them can recognize that fact now. Jataro spends the entirety of the fight trying to hide behind her long skirt and, relatable kid, and rubs the top of his head while Komaru tries to both scold them for fighting and appease them because they’re, well. Kids. Who still need to learn some things and have time to unlearn things.

So yeah, it’s a good party— for not being on her actual birthday, she’ll consider it one of the better memories Touko has associated with the day. The start of many, she’d like to hope.

[imagine-loki]

Stubborn Independence

TITLE: Stubborn Independence 

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 5/10

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: 

Imagine Loki struggling to adjust to someone who is independent and insists on paying for themselves all the time, even if it is a struggle sometimes. They need to do everything on their own. They never ask for help and refuse help. Just imagine Loki really wanting to spoil this person. Imagine how creative he would get to make life easier on this person who has captivated him.

+

Imagine being a talented singer at your local club. Loki comes in one night with Thor and the others (he’d rather be anywhere else but who turns down free drinks?) and gets ensnared in the voice of the beautiful singer on stage. Suddenly, his interest (and arousal) are more than piqued.

+

Imagine getting into a petty fight with Loki, so in retaliation, he puts everything on the top shelf where you can’t reach? 

AUTHOR’S NOTES: College AU. Loki is determined to take over Odin’s company. He works hard and has a strict schedule for success. However, with the interference of Thor and the other four, Loki’s plans are often interrupted so they can play matchmaker.

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

 ~ ~ ENJOY  ~ ~

Loki let Sirena drive her own car while she talked excitedly about how well she was doing at Whispering Waters. Apparently the manager was considering having her perform every friday night, waitress the other times, and was going to pay her a small amount and let her keep the tips.

“How cool is that though? I mean I would be able to get my name out there.”

Loki could not stop the smile pulling his lips. “You are very gifted.”

“Thanks. It’s not… I guess it isn’t so much of getting my name known, I just like to see when people hear music. Music is proven to change or elevate moods. Its why I am in the musical therapy major.”

“When do your mock classes start?”

“Next week. Frigga stated there are some people really interested in the little class.”

Loki watched as Sirena parked in front of a grocery store.

She gave Loki a big smile. “Object of this game is to get snacks to eat in the car. Now go. Gogogog!" 

Sirena hurried out of the car and Loki felt rushed to do it too.

She started laughing as the car locked and ran to the entrance.

Loki easily caught up to her then opened the door. At Sirena’s look he walked in and shut the door so she had to open it herself.

"What the hell?” She laughed as she tried to be the intimidating fireball she was.

Loki smirked, “Everyone keeps telling me to let you do stuff yourself.”

“Well yeah. But did you need to make sure the door shut?”

“It would have been considered helping.”

Sirena tapped Loki’s arm with a small smile then pulled him along towards the snack isle.

Sirena was picking granola bars and some chips. “So get anything you can easily eat in the car.”

“Where are we going to go?”

Sirena snickered. “Depends on when you have your next scheduled alarm.”

Loki grumbled, “touche.”

Loki picked out a few things but were mostly candy. After purchasing their own things they went to the car.

“With all those sweets you are going to get a cavity. Clint would yell at me all the time about what I would eat because he knows I want to loose weight and be more healthy. He watches out for me.” Sirena took a bite of her granola bar.

“He does seem a bit…” Loki hesitated for the right word.

“Intimidating? Yeah he got the whole older brother thing about him.”

Loki immediately asked, “Brother? So you two aren’t dating?”

Sirena forced a gag and muttered “ew” several times. “No we aren’t dating. We knew each other from high school. He looked out for me because I would always get myself in trouble with people. I was too nice and people took advantage of me. He would scare people away from me.”

“He was trying to scare me away then?”

Sirena shrugged her shoulders. “Clint is an ass but yeah. He is a great guy. He is just pushing your buttons to see if you are good for me to…talk to.”

Loki had to be cheeky. “Am i good company?”

Sirena teased. “I think so.”

Loki laughed at his own question. “Was this planned out?”

Sirena pouted, “Probably. Clint is good at seeing things from way outside the picture so he is good at placing things where they are supposed to be.”

Loki fiddled with a piece of candy. “Where does he want us?”

“Beside each other.”

“You are being vague.”

“Vague? Why is there more information you are searching for?” Sirena teased.

“Just wondering if there is more to this… How did you put it..? Beside each other, Like this, in this car discussing his master painting over snacks…”

“maybe this is part of his plans..” Sirena glances at Loki’s lips as she leans slightly.

Loki starts to lean in as well. 

The kiss was short, sweet, and it made Loki happy to see her smile once the short kiss was over.

Loki smirked with a tilt of his head, “so do I ask you out or do you want to ask me?”

Sirena grinned, “I initiated the kiss, so I asked.”

Loki shrugged. “Fair enough. So do I get to take you out for dinner?”

Sirena seemed hesitant. “We can do our Q and A right here.”

“Do you actually have insurance on your phone?” It was the first question Loki came up with.

Sirena laughed, “that question is what you open up with?”

Loki nodded with a smirk.

She sighed before answering. “Yes I do. They won’t send me a new one because I dropped the phone. Something stupid about it not being the device that stopped working and it was my fault.. But it still works and I am not worried about it.”

“Alright. But everytime you show me pictures on your phone I really want to get you a new one so I can see your pictures better.”

“You are not the first person to complain about my phone for that reason.”

“Why not get a new phone?”

“I am worried about losing my pictures.”

Loki beamed. “I could help with that. Its very easy to do that. I move files all the time for work.”

“Maybe. Enthusiastic helper.”

Loki thought for a second. “I could teach you how to save stuff and put it all on a micro SD card or back everything up to the cloud.”

Sirena looked confused. “That was all over my head. I have no idea how electronics work. I can text, call, and set alarms.”

Loki tried not to laugh but a few chuckles escaped.

“Oh come on dont laugh at me!”

Loki couldn’t help but laugh at her pout and the embarrassment inside her voice.

“I didn’t mean to offend.”

“Whatever. So there is an intersection coming up… left, right, or straight?”

Loki asked. “Really? Okay straight.”

And that was the game for the night until they needed to get back to campus.

Loki and Sirena spent more time together and Clint seemed to be warming up to Loki more. There were still threats of bodily harm if Loki “ever hurt her and I will make sure you suffer too." 

Loki genuinely promised Clint he would never hurt Sirena.

Loki found himself on a new schedule and Sirena didn’t mind much of his alarms because she saw how anxious he was without some daily structure. However she convinced him into a deal; he could pay for one meal a week, and on certain days she had control of what they would do with their free time. Loki had to admit he enjoyed new experiences -especially with Sirena because she is always pleasant to be around.

Sirena never let Loki pay for anything and if he did it was an ear full and she would go buy him something if he wouldn’t take the money.

He tried to get creative by leaving a little money where she would find it, but she gave it away.

Loki went so far as to order things online, have them shipped to her mailbox as an "accidental delivery.” Despite the company saying to keep it she would send it back or find someone else who would use it.

Then Sirena got assigned a paper to write and was stressed out about getting it done because it was on a book she just didn’t understand. She found school just as important as Loki did, so homework would carve into their time together. Loki offered his help and she actually accepted it. Loki’s skills at analytical reading were useful and Sirena would get Loki his favorite drink and snacks as thanks for each study session.

They would work on homework together; at first they were alone and then they had a study group with the rest of their friends. Loki invested in a personal laptop so he could program while others worked and it didn’t take long to make some friends in the computer programming department too. Friends such as, Tony and Bruce.

During a study group Sirena announced she would be in a few of the art classes soon.

Fandral teased, “I am sure Loki is going to love it.”

Sirena glared at Fandral. “It is very professional. There will be no suggestive atmosphere.”

A few days later, Loki was in his art class and felt a little nervous as Sirena came in. Sirena discussed with Loki alone about how the class would go and how if anyone steps out of line the teacher would handle it.

It still did nothing to comfort him once she was on the podium in the plain undergarments she once explained. Everyone was on best behavior in the class which made it easier that way, but Loki’s hands sweat so much he had to keep readjusting the drawing utensils. They were never intimate other than kisses,  hugs, and hand holding but now he saw the curves of her body and was memorizing them onto paper.

Not at all troubling.

[seventhroses]

☁️ Dreams

👩🏻 A/N: It's here! This is my first story! I just wrote it as I needed an outlet to get my mind off reality. Probably gonna write again? Idk 🤔Anyway I'm excited to share this! Not sure if it’s good BUT I hope anyone that gives it a go would enjoys it! 🥰

🌠 Geners: Fantasy, fluff, slight smut

📃 Word count: 4.9K

Since young, you always have a thing for dreams. You were told many stories of different people's dreams and you've always finds it fascinating on what goes on in there when your body shuts to recharged.

There was one in particular that had it imprinted in you till now. It was your grandparent's dreams. You can't believe that they actually met in their dreams and how their love unfolds into reality.

How can anyone dreamed of someone else when they've never cross path or see each other before? You always questioned.

You could never figure out no matter how many times they tell you their tales. But even so, it was the sweetest love story that you've heard and of course, seeing it through parts of their times, you were partially convinced that maybe dreams do come true.

As you get older, instead of popping colours of life, nightmares get the best of you. You eventually start sleeping lesser and lesser hours. Dreams were no longer the happy fluffy thing you did look forward to every night.

Today was the worst. It was one of those days, where you felt like everything was collapsing on you. This week have been so exhausting and you probably had less than 10hours of sleep in total. Having to deal with your sickening boss that always throws you with piles of urgent paper work that you end up OT till 1-2AM to finish, colleagues that act as if they're the only one that have a life outside of work and dumped their unfinished work on you.

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worst, you sprained your ankle while chasing for your last bus home tonight.

"How great.." you sighed while limping up the bus with your now sore ankle.

"Well at least, I managed to catch the bus…" Trying hard to comfort your miserable self as you found a seat and sat down. 

You finally reached home after what seems like forever. Throwing your heels aside, you limped towards the kitchen to get some ice for your swollen ankle. Walking to the living room you plopped yourself onto the sofa, turning the TV on that you have no plans on watching. You find yourself staring into the ceiling, can't help but to question about your life.

Even though you're tired as hell, you can feel yourself fighting that tiredness, refusing to let another nightmare invade you tonight. But as the clock ticks away by the minutes, you know your fight is futile.

"If only.. I just wish for one good dream.. Just one, to end this miserable week" with that, you find your heavy lids closed as you fell asleep.

The next thing you know, upon opening your eye you saw the ray of morning sun shining into your room.

Checking the time on the clock, 

"It's 11AM?!" Now, widely awake. "Did I just sleep through the night?"

Not remembering when's the last time you slept through the night without waking up with cold sweat or hyperventilating from the nightmare you had. Though, you weren't complaining. You were in fact longing for a good sleep like this.

You got out of your bed, slipping into your bunny slippers, ready to kicked start your day. You just felt really good and recharged from the long sleep. After washing up and making yourself a cup of coffee, you walk to the sofa and sat down, finding a comfortable position to plan how you should go about your day before having your best friend over tonight for dinner and movie.

While you were making plans, a suddenly feeling strikes you. Something doesn't add up, but you can't seem to put it into words.

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It's 1PM. You're dressed in your ripped jeans and cute smiley sweater ready for some shopping therapy and groceries shopping for tonight's dinner. You grabbed a pair of your most comfortable heels and skipped out of your apartment. You were in a good mood, stress free and you know that's not normal but again you're not complaining. You're going to enjoy it while it last and so you thought.

As you were going down the long flight of stairs towards the bus stop, you were impressed at how you managed to go up these 'stairs of hell' with your swollen ankle last night. That's when you realised, they aren't painful anymore. You were pretty sure it was swollen before you fell asleep but they seem perfectly fine now. You also remember falling asleep on the sofa and not in the room.

So, how did I get to the room? When did I changed into the pj? Now, lots of thoughts are flying in and you couldn't much process or find an answer to them.  Are you that tired that you can't remember what you did?

 "Be careful!!" A loud voice snapped you back into reality and you can feel a strong hand holding on to your arm.

Facing the stairs down, you're pretty sure that you will get more than just swollen ankle if it's not for this person. You turned your head around wanting to thank your saviour but came to face with a white tee and strong veiny arms that is holding on to you. You tilted your head up trying to see who's this perfect fitting body belongs to and there, you saw a pair of small worrisome eyes looking at you.

 "Are you ok? Hurt anywhere?"  he asked worriedly.

At that moment, you couldn't seem to find a word as you were too focus on looking at this charming looking gentleman in front of you.

Let's be honest, ever since you start adulting, life has been a struggle of paying off bills and dealing with your work life. You hardly even have time for yourself, so let alone finding yourself a partner to add on the struggle with.

The only male presence in your life other than your dad, is your childhood best friend, Lee Minhyuk. Well, he's called your best friend for a reason. You have been in each other's life for more than a decade and you know each other all too well. Also, knowing that there will probably be no peaceful day ahead if you guys were to even try. You and Minhyuk can't even decide on a movie together for movie night without bricking for at least 30 minutes and ended up having to tossed a coin to decide. Which, you think it's probably going to happen tonight too. So, it has never really cross both of your mind about developing your relationship into anything else more than what you guys are.

You did met a few people, go for a few dates before but that was in collage when you had the privileged of time. All that just seems so long ago.

Right now, having come face to face with this charming guy, it is sure to activate your needs for a new male presence in your life. Not to mention, this gentlemen in front of you, his visual is… let's just say, he's totally your type. With your 'love struck' expression which you probably are showing now, he figured that you should be ok.

"Hi, I'm Hyunwoo." Waiting for your answer while holding on to you as you steady your feet. 

You noticed his expression changed to a shy and smiley eye, that would totally make anyone soft.

 "Hi" … "I'm y/n." Quite sure you sounded like a robot.

A red one to be exact because you can feel yourself blushing hard and the distant between the both of you and his perfume smell is not helping at all. You can hear him chuckled. His hand is still on your arms. His warm palm on your skin certainly have you feeling the butterfly flying wildly in your stomach.

 "Are you free for a coffee?" You blurted out of nowhere and a sudden realisation that you're thinking out loud, got you in panicked mode.

 "I mean… I mean you just saved me from the probability of cracking my head like an egg... so.. " pausing and cursing yourself for the lame joke. Now, you just want to dig a hole and hid.

He laughed. "I like that" not sure if he said that out of courtesy, just so your now red af face wouldn't burst. 

"and sure. I would love for a coffee with you, Y/n. "

You liked the way he calls your name. Like you never knew it could sound so sweet.

 After the awkward invitation, Hyunwoo slide his hand down from your arm. Holding on to your hand now, he casually walks down the stairs. Going one step ahead of you as he leads you down. He turned his head to looked at you and smiled,

"Now, you don't need to worry about getting your head cracked."

You're very sure at that moment, your face was in tomato red as Hyunwoo holds your hand and walk towards the nearby café.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Do you stay around here?" You asked as the both of you set down on the sofa seating in the café.

"Yes, I just moved here recently and was exploring the neighbourhood. You stay around the area?"

"Yup. Not far from the 'stairs of hell'." Almost rolling your eye.

Hyunwoo let out an airy laughed "I totally know what you mean."

Taking the first sipped of his drink, he started making some sound. "Mmmm! Mmm! This is so good!"

His reaction makes you adore him. How can someone be so charming, gentle and cute all at the same time.

"Oh, what did you ordered?" you asked out of curiosity.

"Honey grapefruit tea! It's on the drink's special menu. It's so refreshing!" You smiled at him as he sounded so proud of his order.

"Do you stay alone?"

 That question was definitely out of nowhere.

 There was a short pause as you were a little startled by the intruding question. Hyunwoo probably felt that he might have make you uncomfortable, so he explained.

"Oh, don't get me wrong. Since I moved here alone, I just thought it would be nice to know people in my neighbourhood. But its ok! You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable. I'm sorry for the sudden question." Looking apologetic and not sure if he sounded weird.

But somehow his explanation makes you feel comfortable enough to tell him, so you looked at him,

"It's ok, dont be sorry. And yes, I kind of stays alone. But I have this best friend of mine, that would come crushing every so often to check if im still alive. So i'm not sure if that counts." Again, cursing yourself for the lame joke but it's kind of true too.

Well, atleast your reply showed Hyunwoo some relieved as you can see the smile back on his face.  

"It would be nice if we could have…"

 Before you manage to hear finished his sentence, the whole place start to shake violently. You could hear someone calling your name very loudly, somewhere but you couldn't find the source. Scared as hell, you closed your eyes shut.

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 When you opened your eye, you were in a dazed. Minhyuk is now on the sofa beside you and shaking you violently. You frowned, now back to your sense. You were quite sure if he were to continue shaking, you would have thrown up on him that instant.

 "Babe! Back on earth?! You scare the hell out of me!" "What happen to you?!" "I came into the apartment and the first thing I saw is your dead body on the sofa!" "I mean lifeless. I mean.." As Minhyuk went on with his chains of words, you rolled your eyes at him. You can totally see that small smirked on his face.

 You had given Minhyuk the password to your apartment on day one when you move in, as he was whining non-stop about it until you gave him the digits. Since the both of you are having movie night every other Saturday, so you though it did be more convenient to do so too. But Minhyuk always says, it's for your safety so he can come by to check on you and see if you're still alive and kicking. You just want to rolled your eye, knowing all too well it's for his own convenience, as he always comes over for free meals, if not when he wants to escape from his mom's nagging. But even so, you never really mind it because he would keep you accompany whenever nightmares start taunting you.

 "What time is it now?" you asked.

 "It's almost 7PM, y/n! And you are supposed to start cooking dinner at 6:30PM!" He shouted across the kitchen while getting you a glass of water.

 You took the glass from him while trying to figure out what just happened.

 "Are you having nightmares again?" Minhyuk asked with concern on his face.

 "No, it's not a nightmare. In fact, it was a good dream." You paused.

"Well, at least it is until someone starts shaking me so violently, I thought there was an earthquake." You said to him with a somewhat annoyed tone now. He pouted.

You stood up wanting to get a quick shower because you're still in your yesterday's work clothes but your ankle give way. Now you remembered that you had sprained your ankle and it's still swollen. You realised what was not adding up. You were dreaming, that's why it wasn't hurting earlier.

And that guy in your dream, Hyunwoo.

Who is he? Have you seen him before?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 It’s been a month since you dreamt of Hyunwoo and you were hoping to dream of him again but instead, the whole nightmare routine starts bugging you instead.

 Today, was no different as you find yourself fighting the tiredness to sleep. But after sometime, you finally can’t hold much longer and you fell asleep on the sofa. When you opened your eye and to your delight, you were at the same cafe, same sofa seat where you and Hyunwoo were at before.

 "Hey, your coffee." Looking up, you saw that smiley eyes that you were missing so much, right in front of you.

 "Hey.." You replied, fighting the urge to ask if he he's real. Afraid that it would break the spell to whatever is causing this dream.

 You decided to throw the thought to the back of your head, as you have been waiting for this to happen ever since that day, you tell yourself to enjoy it well it last. So, you turned your focus back on him.

 "How have you been?" You smiled while sipping on the coffee he got for you.

 "I'm good. And I've been thinking about talking to you again" That sudden confession caught you off guard.

 Has he been thinking about me? This is a dream, right? He's probably a reflection of what I've been wanting to hear from a guy.

Now you're very much convinced by yourself that all this are probably just in your head.

 The both of you talked for a while, enjoying each other's company. It felt nice talking to Hyunwoo and you were hoping to talk for a little longer but a loud ringing sound woke you up.

Lazy hand searching for the source of the dreadful sound, you grabbed the alarm and turn it off. Looking at the time, it's now 5AM and you know you are back at the harsh reality of work week. A sigh leaves you as you drag your heavy body out of bed.

 On the way to work, you can't help but be hopeful about dreaming of Hyunwoo again since the second time did happened.

 Indeed, you found yourself seeing Hyunwoo in your dreams for the third, fourth and fifth time in a spent of 2 months. It always happens at the same cafe. The both of you would be seating at the same sofa seat, drinking the same drinks. Even though, there's no knowing to when you will be dreaming of Hyunwoo but when you did, he never fails to makes you happy and recharged. You start seeing yourself looking forward to sleeping and dreaming again. Something that you use to love before adulting. Not to mention, nightmare have been less frequent and you were feeling better every day. It was a good sign for you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 And today you're dream again, the sixth time. But you found yourself at a different setting. It wasn't the usual cafe or the sofa seat that you always sat on. It was a place you are not familiar with. It was someone's home.

 It was Hyunwoo's home to be exact. You can see his family picture framed up sitting on the kitchen's table. He was smiling so brightly in the picture and you can see where he probably gets his youthfulness from. You smiled because in front of you, stands a familiar back hovering over the stove.

 "Your mum look so young and pretty." you said while admiring his back view.

 He turned around sounded in agreement. Now turning towards you, you can't help but to admire this perfect looking guy, in his home clothes and combing his hair back with his hand. He wearing a white tee that hug his body perfectly, showing his chest muscles curve and broad shoulder and a pair of shorts that shows his long legs. Unaware of yourself checking him out so openly, he chuckled

 "Enjoying your view huh?" he says jokingly as he turns back to cook.

 You cough trying to hid your blushing face, "Ahem, are you cooking ramen?" "The legendary 'Hyunwoo's ramen'?" You giggled as you teased him.

 "Yes, I promised its the real deal."

 "Are you sure is that good?"

 "Oh yes, it's that good that you would want for more." feeling challenged as he places the ramen in front of you.

"Go on, have a taste"

 He leans in on the table, moving into your personal space as you took your first bite. You're trying to ignore his extremely close presence, not sure if it's the ramen or Hyunwoo that's making you all hot now.

 "How is it? Good?" Staring at you earnestly, waiting for your feedback.

 How am I supposed to concentrate and eating with him being so close?

 In all honesty, he looks so yummy you just want to eat him instead. You can't help but blush so hard at your own desirable thoughts.

 "Are you ok?" Hyunwoo asked as his hands feels your burning cheeks and his face just inches away from you.

 Your face now so close to his. You looked at his so kissable lips and a sudden impulse urged you to slid forward and kiss him. You retreat back and shut your eyes, hoping to wakes up so you don't have to face the embarrassment from your action. But you didn't. Before you know it, you felt Hyunwoo lips clashing back on yours causing you to open your eye in a shock. That impulse and innocent kiss had turned into a heated open mouth kisses as Hyunwoo move his hand behind your head keep you closer. You felt yourself heated up from the action. You want more. He pulls away after a while, only to carry you up onto the table as he parted your legs to stand between you. He latched his lips back on yours and you swear you're feel all sorts of sensational feeling with what he was doing. Hyunwoo slowly moves his hand with lazy fingers gliding all over your body leaving hot trials and tingling feelings to where ever he passes. You can feel the shiver up your body and the tight knot somewhere inside of you wanting more of him.  

He pulls you closer to him while moving down to your neck, giving you soft open kisses. You can feel his growing bulge pressing on your centre as he grinds up against you, cause you to make soft seductive moans that you never thought you're capable of making.

 "Hyunwoo.." You murmur as you arched your back.

 He tilted his head up to look at you, so done for him just from the kisses. You can see his pupils blown; eyes filled with lust. He wants you. Before you can think of anything, you shudder as you felt the sudden contact of his palm cupping your heated clothed centre. You moaned and that encouraged him to move further. He slipped his hand through the side of your shorts and pushing your panties aside. You hissed at him when he parts your folds and starts making circle at your swollen nub. You can't remember the last time someone had taken care of you like that and saying you were a moaning mess is an understatement. You moved your hand wrapping around his now fully grown budge, wanting to help him relief from the strain in his shorts. You can hear his low moaned when you start pumping him. He sounded so attractive, yet so sweet. Soon after, both of you were helping each other to chased your much needed high.

 "Baby.." the sudden pet name got you closer to your high " I can't…" you curled your toe and shut your eyes, preparing for the rush that was going to come through.

 But talk about bad timing.

 As you opened your eye as you found yourself lying on your own bed. You rolled over, face pressed down and you screamed into your pillow venting out your frustration. You need to settle your sexual frustration. Reaching down to your panties which is now soak with aroused. 

You sighed. "I want him." 

You find yourself craving for Hyunwoo. While thinking of him, you settle your needs with the fate of your own fingers.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 2 weeks went by after that heated dream you had. The seventh didn't come.

  "Just go to that damn cafe! It won't hurt anyone…" Minhyuk retorted over at the other side of the phone. Clearly annoyed at you talking about the cafe for the nth number of times over the months.

 You had told Minhyuk about all your encounter with Hyunwoo in your dreams. Maybe not all, you did leave the sixth encounter out to save yourself some teasing that you would for sure get from him.

 "I dont know. I mean they're dreams. I shouldn't let it bothers me so much." turning and twisting your hair on your finger while you talked.

 You have been thinking of going to that cafe ever since the first dream but you couldn't find a reason to go. You make your own morning coffee so you won't willing to spend that extra money on coffee outside. Work also got the best of you, so you go only between your work place or home. Your life it's so exhausting, so during weekends you just wants to stay at home do your overdue laundry and spend the rest of the day sloth-ing.

 Today, Minhyuk finally convince you to get out of your den and you both were planning to meet for lunch.

 "How about you go there and get me a cup of coffee before we meet?" Minhyuk suggested. Clearly taking advantage of your dilemma but, it works. You were more convince to pop by the cafe for a reason.

"You're one smart ass." you can hear his sinister laugh, knowing that he succeeded in getting himself a free coffee.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 "Hi, welcome!" The girl behind the cashier smile as you walk through the door. In reality, you have never noticed this cafe before, so let alone visit it, but it felt familiar. The interior and the seating were the same as what you could remember from your dreams. You look at the menu board for a while, even though you know you would probably get an ice coffee to satisfy your caffeine needs as you didn't have one in the morning. But you saw 'Honey grapefruit tea" on the drink’s special menu and without much thinking you ordered it along with Minhyuk's ice coffee. You set down at the same sofa seat that you and Hyunwoo had sat on in the dream, while waiting for your orders.

Your phone vibrates.

TheannoyingBFF: Hey babe! Please dont kill me!

TheannoyingBFF: Hyungwon car broke down and he needs me to find him

You: ...

TheannoyingBFF: I'll buy you dinner tomorrow

TheannoyingBFF: I PROMISE!

You: You better!

You: Be glad that I'm still at the cafe and not on my way

TheannoyingBFF: I'm sorry and I love you!

You: I would've killed you

You: along with hyungwon

TheannoyingBFF: Hope you will bump into him, so my sin can be off set *Praying emoji*

You: ...

You: Bye

 You grabbed your drinks when your order tag buzz and went back to the sofa seat. Having your plans cancelled and with no back up, you decided to stay in the cafe for a while. This cafe makes you smile. You were happy when you're there, so it naturally makes you feel good.

 You took a sip of the new drink and with an impressed look, you mumble to yourself “Waoh, it's indeed nice and refreshing."  Continue drinking, you stare at Minhyuk's ice coffee that is place in front of the empty seat, you thought to yourself how lonely this makes you look. Like you've been bumped or something and this makes you feel like cursing at Lee Minhyuk.

 'Ting Ting' the doorbell of the cafe rang. You didnt react to it as it has been sounding out quite a few times. While you continue to scroll through your feed, a familiar voice started talking.

 "Hi, is this seat taken?" Looking at you and gesturing at the empty seat in front of you.

 You looked up, couldn't believe by the person standing in front of you. You start looking around and find the cafe seat all packed, so you turned back to him "Erm.. No" while you kind of avoid looking at him as you try to calm your nerves and trying hard not to show that "love struck" expression.

 He smiled and thank you as he set down. You moved the cup of now showing two layered coffee away, so he can have his space.

After a minute or so, his order tag buzzed and he stood up to get his drink. Your eye followed him as he went over to the counter. When he got his drink, you notice the table at the far end were about to leave and you can feel a slight disappointment in you, thinking that he would move to that available seats. 

But to your surprise, you see him walking back towards you.

 "If you don't mind, I did love to seat here. Is that ok?" His requested makes you smile.

 "I don't mind. Please seat."

 Both of you were quiet for a while, looking at your individual phones when you decided to break the silence.

 "Do you stay around here?"

A sudden Goosebumps came to you as you asked the same question, at the same place, same spot.

 He looked at you and with a soft smile, not questioning or looking at you weirdly.

 "Yes, I just.."

before he finished his sentence, you were mumbling under your breathe, like you already know what he would probably say.

"..moved here recently and was exploring the neighbourhood."

 He now looked at you with wide eyes but somehow it doesn't look like he was spooked by you but rather a sense of realisation. Like you know his secret.

He grabbed your hand and rushed out of the cafe, bring you to the 'stairs of hell'. That very spot when he first met you.

 "Do you know this spot?" trying to search for an answer from you.

 "Yes" is all you say, as you're trying to process the situation here.

 He grins, showing his teeth and his eyes turned into a smiley eye that were so familiar with.

 "This is real right?" you couldn't help but asked.

Because at this moment, you were just confused and happy all at the same time. Hoping that this could be real and not wakes up to nothingness again.

 "It is." "Let's do this all over again." Not sure what he means by his words, you waited.

"Hi, I'm Hyunwoo. Nice to finally meet you." he stretched out his hand wanting for a handshake.

 You couldn't help but to smile and hug him instead. The guy that you have been thinking of, debating if he is real or just fantasy, is right in front of you.

 "Hi.. I'm y/n" you murmur as you can feel the tears that trapped in your eyes threatening to fall out.

 He hugs you back and you could hear him say "Thank you for finally going to that cafe."

You look up at him "Did you go to that cafe frequently, hoping that you could meet me?" You're certain your face is now showing that 'love stuck' expression as you ask that question.

 "Yes" is all he said as he held your arms and gave you a kiss on your forehead. 

That moment, knew you're the one that needs to buy Minhyuk a meal and you can't love him enough for giving you the reason to go to the cafe.

 "Shall we continue where we left off?" He whispered softly into your ears and turns to look at you with a goofy smile. 

You can feel your face burning as he reached down to kissed you on your lips.

 Having to experience ‘real dream’ yourself, you now truly believed your grandparents dreams and that some dreams really do come true.

[shybre22]

Now for part two I will be doing Ichihime.

Honestly I knew Ichihime would be endgame from early on in the manga and series.

A lot of IR claim that Ichihime doesnt make sense or that they have no development..which at this point I think this is what any anti for any pairing in every anime say.. because that's obviously not true at all.

Even from the very beginning.. not only do we know that Orihime likes Ichigo, but Ichigo seems to pay attention to Orihime, extra close at times.

In this panel, he admits that he worries about her and watching her wears him out with worry, he even wonders if she's really alright. Now its important to remember that this is fairly earlier in the story and at this time Orihime is only an acquaintance at best..but here he is worrying about her.

Not only does he notice her getting hurt...but during the Fullbringer arc he said that she was more likely to get followed or stalked than him when Orihime asked if anyone has been following him.

Hell he's even offered to walk her home.

Weird considering they're only acquaintances at this point right? While I know it's rare for the shounen protagonist to have a crush right off the bat..for arguments sake let's say you look at ichihime interactions with the idea that Ichigo has some sort of crush on Orihime. I feel like his interactions with her make more sense throughout the series and keep this I mind through this post.

Now antis always love to say that Orihime didn't understand Ichigo or couldn't encourage him like Rukia could..but..

Here! Even Tatsuki who has known him since childhood couldn't tell it wasnt Ichigo or his other friends.. but Orihime does notice..she knows that's not him right away.

And here Orihime right away knew he wasn't acting like himself...even Tatsuki was impressed, she said it took her years to figure that out.

Oh yeah she cant encourage him right?? Not only did she give Ichigo the resolve to go save Rukia..but during the Grimmjow fight.. Ichigo was so afraid of frightening Orihime with his mask that he wasn't focusing on the battle.. know think about that..he was so scared to frighten Orihime he wasn't fighting..knowing he could die or get really hurt.

I also hear antis say that Orihime is horrible for being scared of Ichigo when he was still fighting to save her but they need to understand that in the first few chapters of bleach..Orihime was attacked by her brother..her beloved brother, the only family she ever had before he died and he attacked her..as a hollow..and now she's looking at the man she loves with a hollow mask and she's afraid FOR him not necessarily OF him..she's afraid he'll turn completely hollow( which is fair, considering he does later during the ulquiorra fight).

Then all she had to say " please dont die..you dont have to fight for me and you dont have to win..just please dont get hurt". And Ichigo was ready to fight for real..then beat Grimmjow.

She was also able to feel his pain somehow and knew he was crying when he got his powers stolen despite her being far away from him at the time.

Not to mention at this time she was brainwashed by Tsukishima making her and Chad think Ichigo was the one going crazy, but even though she was brainwashed to think it was Tsukishima who she loved..her heart knew better and still felt Ichigo's pain even without seeing him.

Not to mention she was able to see he had a plan to defeat Ywach just from one look into his eyes.

So yeah.. Orihime does understand Ichigo more than most..and just because Rukia does too doesnt mean he should be with her.

And on Ichigo's side antis also say he doesn't care about Orihime only Rukia..and if he does care it's only because Ichigo is protective of his friends.

Now it's clear through the whole series that Ichigo does care about all his friends..but it's also apparent that Ichigo does hold Orihime to a different standard.

This is not far into the story..at this point they are still only classmates and only a few pages ago Ichigo refused to take over Rukia's Soul reaper duties..until he found out a hollow was after Orihime.

Or when Yammy and Ulquiorra hurt Orihime..they also hurt Tatsuki and Chad but he was shown to be obsessing over Orihime ( despite the fact she could literally reverse her injuries) and the fact Tatsuki was a human with no powers should've made him worry over her more..but he felt so guilty for not protecting Orihime he couldn't even look her in the eyes..it got so bad that Rukia made him go to her and look her in the eye and he vowed to never let anyone hurt her again, pluse he didn't apologize to anyone else..just Orihime. I also find it funny how Rukia seems to be a ichihime shipper while her fans hate Orihime and want her to be with Ichigo..I find it funny.

Then we all know how hurt he was when Orihime got taken to Hueco Mundo.. Yes I understand he did rescue Rukia as well but he even said its because he owed her..and he did he owe her his and his families lives..and she was his friend and only on death row because of him. But with Orihime she chose to go to protect her friends and Ichigo had no obligations to her other than she was his friend..

He also walked around like a zombie not even caring when Tatsuki beat the hell out of him asking where Orihime was. He even yelled and threw a fit at the captain commander(you know the strongest soul reaper alive) for suggesting she was a traitor..

He even went against the entire soul society wishes (as a substitute soul reaper no less) to go find Orihime in Hueco Mundo.

One of my favorite scenes is when Ichigo was hurrying to go help Chad and Rukia who were badly injured at the time..when Ulquiorra appears and tries to goad him into a fight.. nothing works until Ulquiorra mentions he was the one who brought Orihime to Hueco Mundo ..which in turn infuriates Ichigo and he swings his sword at him in a blind rage..(remember he was supposed to be helping Chad and Rukia who were injured) but he was so angry that he was the one who brought Orihime there...he didn't say he hurt her or tortured her...he only said he brought her. And. Ichigo. Flipped.

One of my other favorite scenes is when he almost literally rises from near death to get Grimmjow's hands off of Orihime

LET GO OF HER! Was the first thing he says never mind he was almost dead a few minutes ago and still can barely stand. And look at that face his eyes mean business.

And of course one of the most epic Ichihime moments is when Ulquiorra defeats Ichigo and kills him.. he hears Orihime calling for help as Ulquiorra advances to her.. and as he's dying he hears her and tells himself he needs to help her and protect her..even in death he needs to protect her. And yes I'm aware that his inner hollow is the one keeping him from dying..but the only reason Hichigo doesnt completely take over Ichigo and lose his humanity was his will to protect Orihime. Ichigo was chanting " help her", "help her", over and over like a mantra..that's was the last shred of his humanity and even his last shred of humanity wanted nothing more than to protect Orihime.

Not only is Ichigo extra protective of Orihime..but he get flustered around her too.

Like during The Thousand Year Blood War Arc.. when Ichigo was asked by Chad if he liked Orihime's outfit ( Which was very revealing..especially in the boob area) and Ichigo was blushing like an idiot of course.

While most antis swear it's just because Orihime is very beautiful and has a very large chest..remember Chad or Uryu didn't react despite them being males as well..just Ichigo.

Not only that but all of Ichigos enemies always use Orihime to bait him into fights. Enemies like Grimmjow, Nnotora, Ulquiorra, and even Ginjo..they all taunted him about how he was so determined to protect Orihime that they would use her presence to push Ichigo into fighting them.

Antis also claim that they didn't develop.. they went from classmate acquaintances to friends fighting side by side in battle. Orihime went from being shy and stuttering and being nervous in his room to borrowing manga from him and just marching in his room and both teasing each other. Ichigo also went from wanting to protect Orihime by leaving her on the side lines and out of harm's way.. to trusting her to be his shield in battle.

IR"s also claim that Rukia is better than Orihime because she's stronger. Now I know Rukia is strong no doubt..especially when she finally releases her bankai. But for most of the series she hardly does anything..even my husband noticed she only won like two or three fight the whole series and most of the time she was so beat up after she looks like she lost the fight. I'm not trying to talk down on Rukia I love her actually.. it's just is you go back and read the manga..Rukia didn't do much either.. plus Orihime actually has a really really OP power she just doesn't have the heart to hurt anyone so she usually uses her shield or healing, but just like Rukia they didn't do much with her powers.

In the end Ichihime had quite a bit of development..I'm not saying Rukia and Ichigo didnt have a bond..because they had a strong one..but that doesn't always mean romantic..I always felt it was more brother/ sister type than anything. But if you go back and look at all of the Ichihime moments you'll realize their bond as well..you'll realize that Orihime was always their during the really important times and fights.. like the Grimmjow fight, Ulquiorra, fight, the Nnotora fight, his Fullbringer training, his Visored training, and she stood side by side with him in the Ywach fight.

He was actually separated from Rukia more than he was with her..even when they were in the same places..they were always separated. Kubo..I feel made it very clear from early on that ichihime would be endgame..I feel some people were just in denial.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Pluralistic: 12 Mar 2020 (No health care for part-time TSA screeners, Akil Augustine on Radicalized, Wendell Potter rebuts Joe Biden, best Covid-19 explainer, Boeing's self-inflicted wounds, EU Right to Repair, virtual classrooms)

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Pluralistic: 12 Mar 2020

TSA boss doubles down on taking away health care from part-time screeners: They're touching your junk with diseased hands.

Akil Augustine on Radicalized: My book's Canada Reads champion lays out the case for Radicalized.

A former top Cigna exec rebuts Joe Biden's healthcare FUD: Wendell Potter is the prodigal corporate villain.

Ars Technica's Covid-19 explainer is the best resource on the pandemic: Beth Mole has outdone herself.

Boeing is even worse at financial engineering than they are at aircraft engineering: The $43B they incinerated through stock buybacks would sure come in handy about now.

Senate Republicans kill emergency sick leave during pandemic: Sick leave is cheaper than pandemics, but pandemics generate cost-plus contracts for the donor class.

The EU's new Right to Repair rules finally come for electronics: Snoods cocked at Apple and other US Big Tech monopolists.

How to run a virtual classroom: Masterclass from the 14-year-old Stanford Online High School.

This day in history: 2010, 2015, 2019

Colophon: Recent publications, current writing projects, upcoming appearances, current reading

TSA boss doubles down on taking away health care from part-time screeners (permalink)

TSA agents handles the personal belongings and touch the bodies of millions of fliers. Part time agents don't get health-insurance. If they think they might have Covid-19, they might not be able to afford to seek care.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/11/politics/tsa-health-care-part-time/index.html

TSA chief David Pekoske told Congress that the Trump administration's decision to take away health-care from part time TSA employees was a good one: "I have no intention of restoring health care coverage for part-time workers. I think that was a good decision."

About 100 TSA agents have been sent home after it was believed they came into contact with Covid-19. The TSA will not try to track down passengers who also might have come into contact with sick people.

Akil Augustine on Radicalized (permalink)

My book Radicalized is a finalist for the Canada Reads national book prize. Each of the five finalists is defended by a Canadian celeb: my champion is the amazing and articulate Akil Augustine.

Akil just appeared on the @CBC's Canada Reads podcast to give us a preview of his defense, which he will field during several nights of nationally televised debates next week.

http://www.cbc.ca/player/play/1708600899815/

He did an OUTSTANDING job! Here's the MP3:

https://cbc.mc.tritondigital.com/CBC_CNDAREADS_P/media/cndareads-3NLwEPaV-20200309.mp3

A former top Cigna exec rebuts Joe Biden's healthcare FUD (permalink)

In a recent and important essay, Maria Farrell wrote about the road-to-Damascus conversions that ex-techies are having in which they recant the damaging product design work they did and begin to campaign against their former employers.

https://conversationalist.org/2020/03/05/the-prodigal-techbro/

Farrell noted that these techies had missed an important step in their transformation from venal attention mercenaries to noble attention freedom-fighters: they had yet to hit bottom, to truly repent their earlier sins.

They skipped like stones over the waters of privilege, and never sank, unlike so many of their victims.

Contrast those journeys with that of Wendell Potter, the former Cigna exec turned whistleblower, who has devoted decades of his life to revealing dirty tricks and lies. Potter campaigns tirelessly – and shrewdly – for Medicare for All, and is always at pains to point out that the anti-M4A talking points his adversaries parrots were all developed by him, when he was on the wrong side of history.

Take this thread, rebutting Joe Biden's FUD about M4A, delivered in the midst of a pandemic that has been worsened by the 77 million un- and underinsured people who can't get care or screening and disproportionately work in food-service and cleaning.

https://twitter.com/wendellpotter/status/1237438497218105344

As Potter points out, Biden's assertion that M4A costs $35T is just a lie. Once you factor in the savings of not paying for private healthcare, M4A SAVES at least $450B/year.

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(19)33019-3/fulltext

Biden's plan to cap premiums on a public option at 8.5% of your income is more than double what M4A would cost you. The corporate plans Biden lionizes shackle good workers to bad employers, and put millions at risk of having their care arbitrarily withdrawn or limited. And, of course, private care doesn't cover much. Surprise bills, deductibles, co-pays, out-of-pockets… Our plan – a blue-chip employer's top-of-the-line Cigna plan – costs us $24K/year.

We're rationing our family's health care because in addition to the $20K/year we're paying out of pocket, Cigna refused to cover a pain procedure that my doc – the most-cited pain doc working in California, who runs a major university pain clinic – says I would benefit from. That procedure might let me get a good night's sleep for the first time in 15 years and allow me to live a more normal, pain-free life. But because Cigna won't cover it, it would cost $55K, which we do not have. So I'm foregoing it.

Ars Technica's Covid-19 explainer is the best resource on the pandemic (permalink)

I've been reading Beth Mole's outstanding science journalism for many years and I've always admired it, but even by the high standards of a Beth Mole explainer, this soup-to-nuts Covid-19 explainer is just spectacularly good work.

https://arstechnica.com/science/2020/03/dont-panic-the-comprehensive-ars-technica-guide-to-the-coronavirus/

Mole's calm and comprehensive coverage relies on the most reliable sources and turns the results of our best evidence-based studies into a coherent narrative, from the disease's origins to its spread to its symptoms to its resolution.

Just this symptom-by-symptom breakdown was enormously informative and filled in a huge gap that I had previously mentally signposted as "flu-like".

According to data from nearly 56,000 laboratory-confirmed COVID-19 patients in China, the rundown of common symptoms went as follows:

88 percent had a fever

68 percent had a dry cough

38 percent had fatigue

33 percent coughed up phlegm

19 percent had shortness of breath

15 percent had joint or muscle pain

14 percent had a sore throat

14 percent headache

11 percent had chills

5 percent had nausea or vomiting

5 percent had nasal congestion

4 percent had diarrhea

Less than one percent coughed up blood or blood-stained mucus

Less than one percent had watery eyes

The sections on transmission, self-protection, and care during a social distancing lockdown or quarantine are likewise levelheaded, clear and informative.

This is a tab you should just keep open in your browser, IOW. Mole's updating frequently, too.

Boeing is even worse at financial engineering than they are at aircraft engineering (permalink)

Boeing is experiencing a potentially terminal slump. Between losses due to its 737 Max scandal (a self-inflicted injury), and the dropoff in travel during the pandemic, it has had to draw down its entire line of credit and institute a hiring freeze.

https://wolfstreet.com/2020/03/11/boeing-crashes-as-43-billion-in-past-share-buybacks-turn-into-existential-threat

Obviously, Boeing can't be blamed for the pandemic.

But you know what is absolutely the company's fault? Its financial engineering.

Since 2013, Boeing squandered $43 billion on stock buybacks, whose sole purpose was to goose its share-price.

As Wolf Richter writes, Boeing, this "master of financial engineering – instead of aircraft engineering – blew, wasted, and incinerated $43.4 billion on buying back its own shares."

The company just had to borrow $13.825B. Its shares are down 46% since March 2019.

The entire company – a jewel of American industry – might not survive, because it focused on short-term enrichment of shareholders, rather than safe aircraft or financial prudence.

Reality has a well-known anti-capitalist bias, part MMMLVII.

Senate Republicans kill emergency sick leave during pandemic (permalink)

Senate Republicans have killed emergency sick leave legislation, a move that will force millions of low-waged cleaning and food-service workers to choose between homelessness and potentially spreading Covid-19.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/coronavirus-paid-sick-leave-us-republicans-block-senate-bill-new-york-washington-a9395821.htm

The GOP says that paid sick leave will endanger the fragile bottom lines of employers and also that the feds have no money to pay for such a thing – despite finding it easy to blow $2.3 trillion on tax-cuts for the super-rich.

https://www.politico.com/story/2018/02/28/tax-cuts-trump-gop-analysis-430781

They also found $20 BILLION in the senate's sofa cushions to give to the Pentagon, an agency whose auditor found more than a trillion dollars in off-the-books transactions in its financial records.

https://www.defensenews.com/congress/2019/12/19/pentagon-finally-gets-its-2020-budget-from-congress/

Refusing to help poor Americans stay fed and sheltered isn't just cruel, it's lethally reckless, and it demonstrates the moral hazard of oligarchic capitalism. Subsidizing sick-leave would merely afford survival to millions of Americans, after all.

Whereas the crisis that this will produce – a pandemic that is made worse and longer – will cost billions more, but that money will go to the donor-class, the Beltway Bandits whose cost-plus, no-bid contracts will transfer even more money from the poor to the wealthy.

It's disaster capitalism at its worst. The Senate GOP is dooming you and everyone you love to the risk of disease and death because preventing that risk would help millions of poor people, whereas creating the risk helps a handful of ultrarich people.

The EU's new Right to Repair rules finally come for electronics (permalink)

The EU Commission's latest "Circular Economy Action Plan" has enormous significance for Right to Repair and electronics.

https://ec.europa.eu/environment/circular-economy/pdf/new_circular_economy_action_plan.pdf

In addition to a host of eminently sensible, long overdue measures (bans on single use items and the destruction of unsold goods), there's a renewed emphasis on electronics, through the "Circular Electronics Initiative".

https://techcrunch.com/2020/03/11/european-lawmakers-propose-a-right-to-repair-for-mobiles-and-laptops/

The initiative mandates that components be reusable, repairable, and upgradable, and requires long-term software support to keep IoT devices useful for longer. These mandates – also long overdue – show that the EU is finally willing to ignore the priorities of Apple and other US Big Tech companies in favour of Europeans' rights to the long-term enjoyment of their property and the right not to drown in e-waste).

https://pluralistic.net/2020/03/08/ghost-flights/#eurighttorepair

How to run a virtual classroom (permalink)

For 14 years, Stanford Online High School has been running fully virtual classrooms, with continuous, ongoing improvements in their tech and methods. They've just published a new guide to "the essential steps for preparing to teach online in a short period of time." They're also conducting a series of webinars on the subject.

https://ohs.stanford.edu/how

(I just realized that I've got a decade-old mail rule that autodeletes anything containing the word "webinar" that I probably need to turn off now that the term is being used by people other than hustling spammy grifters)

This day in history (permalink)

#10yrsago Leaked UK record industry memo sets out plans for breaking copyright https://craphound.com/BPDigitalEconomyBillweeklyminutes.pdf

#5yrsago Portland cops charge homeless woman with theft for charging her phone https://news.streetroots.org/2015/03/06/homeless-phone-charging-thief-wanted-security

#5yrsago How Harper's "anti-terror" bill ends privacy in Canada http://www.michaelgeist.ca/2015/03/why-the-anti-terrorism-bill-is-really-an-anti-privacy-bill-bill-c-51s-evisceration-of-government-privacy/

#5yrsago RIP, Terry Pratchett https://web.archive.org/web/20150312202353/http://www.pjsmprints.com/

#1yrago Security researcher reveals grotesque vulnerabilities in "Yelp-for-MAGA" app and its snowflake owner calls in the FBI

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources: Slashdot (https://slashdot.org), Naked Capitalism (https://nakedcapitalism.com/).

Hugo nominators! My story "Unauthorized Bread" is eligible in the Novella category and you can read it free on Ars Technica: https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

Upcoming appearances:

Museums and the Web: March 31-April 4 2020, Los Angeles. https://mw20.museweb.net/

Currently writing: I'm rewriting a short story, "The Canadian Miracle," for MIT Tech Review. It's a story set in the world of my next novel, "The Lost Cause," a post-GND novel about truth and reconciliation. I'm also working on "Baby Twitter," a piece of design fiction also set in The Lost Cause's prehistory, for a British think-tank. I'm getting geared up to start work on the novel afterwards.

Currently reading: Just started Lauren Beukes's forthcoming Afterland: it's Y the Last Man plus plus, and two chapters in, it's amazeballs. Last month, I finished Andrea Bernstein's "American Oligarchs"; it's a magnificent history of the Kushner and Trump families, showing how they cheated, stole and lied their way into power. I'm getting really into Anna Weiner's memoir about tech, "Uncanny Valley." I just loaded Matt Stoller's "Goliath" onto my underwater MP3 player and I'm listening to it as I swim laps.

Latest podcast: A Lever Without a Fulcrum Is Just a Stick https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_330/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_330_-_A_Lever_Without_a_Fulcrum_Is_Just_a_Stick.mp3

Upcoming books: "Poesy the Monster Slayer" (Jul 2020), a picture book about monsters, bedtime, gender, and kicking ass. Pre-order here: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627?utm_source=socialmedia&utm_medium=socialpost&utm_term=na-poesycorypreorder&utm_content=na-preorder-buynow&utm_campaign=9781626723627

(we're having a launch for it in Burbank on July 11 at Dark Delicacies and you can get me AND Poesy to sign it and Dark Del will ship it to the monster kids in your life in time for the release date).

"Attack Surface": The third Little Brother book, Oct 20, 2020.

"Little Brother/Homeland": A reissue omnibus edition with a very special, s00per s33kr1t intro.

[brightsun-and-darkmidnight]

Stubborn Independence

TITLE: Stubborn Independence 

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 5/10

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: 

Imagine Loki struggling to adjust to someone who is independent and insists on paying for themselves all the time, even if it is a struggle sometimes. They need to do everything on their own. They never ask for help and refuse help. Just imagine Loki really wanting to spoil this person. Imagine how creative he would get to make life easier on this person who has captivated him.

+

Imagine being a talented singer at your local club. Loki comes in one night with Thor and the others (he’d rather be anywhere else but who turns down free drinks?) and gets ensnared in the voice of the beautiful singer on stage. Suddenly, his interest (and arousal) are more than piqued.

+

Imagine getting into a petty fight with Loki, so in retaliation, he puts everything on the top shelf where you can’t reach? 

AUTHOR'S NOTES: College AU. Loki is determined to take over Odin's company. He works hard and has a strict schedule for success. However, with the interference of Thor and the other four, Loki's plans are often interrupted so they can play matchmaker.

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

Tags: @cateyes315

 ~ ~ ENJOY  ~ ~

Loki let Sirena drive her own car while she talked excitedly about how well she was doing at Whispering Waters. Apparently the manager was considering having her perform every friday night, waitress the other times, and was going to pay her a small amount and let her keep the tips.

"How cool is that though? I mean I would be able to get my name out there."

Loki could not stop the smile pulling his lips. "You are very gifted."

"Thanks. It's not… I guess it isn't so much of getting my name known, I just like to see when people hear music. Music is proven to change or elevate moods. Its why I am in the musical therapy major."

"When do your mock classes start?"

"Next week. Frigga stated there are some people really interested in the little class."

Loki watched as Sirena parked in front of a grocery store.

She gave Loki a big smile. "Object of this game is to get snacks to eat in the car. Now go. Gogogog!" 

Sirena hurried out of the car and Loki felt rushed to do it too.

She started laughing as the car locked and ran to the entrance.

Loki easily caught up to her then opened the door. At Sirena's look he walked in and shut the door so she had to open it herself.

"What the hell?" She laughed as she tried to be the intimidating fireball she was.

Loki smirked, "Everyone keeps telling me to let you do stuff yourself."

"Well yeah. But did you need to make sure the door shut?"

"It would have been considered helping."

Sirena tapped Loki's arm with a small smile then pulled him along towards the snack isle.

Sirena was picking granola bars and some chips. "So get anything you can easily eat in the car."

"Where are we going to go?"

Sirena snickered. "Depends on when you have your next scheduled alarm."

Loki grumbled, "touche."

Loki picked out a few things but were mostly candy. After purchasing their own things they went to the car.

"With all those sweets you are going to get a cavity. Clint would yell at me all the time about what I would eat because he knows I want to loose weight and be more healthy. He watches out for me." Sirena took a bite of her granola bar.

"He does seem a bit…" Loki hesitated for the right word.

"Intimidating? Yeah he got the whole older brother thing about him."

Loki immediately asked, "Brother? So you two aren't dating?"

Sirena forced a gag and muttered "ew" several times. "No we aren't dating. We knew each other from high school. He looked out for me because I would always get myself in trouble with people. I was too nice and people took advantage of me. He would scare people away from me."

"He was trying to scare me away then?"

Sirena shrugged her shoulders. "Clint is an ass but yeah. He is a great guy. He is just pushing your buttons to see if you are good for me to...talk to."

Loki had to be cheeky. "Am i good company?"

Sirena teased. "I think so."

Loki laughed at his own question. "Was this planned out?"

Sirena pouted, "Probably. Clint is good at seeing things from way outside the picture so he is good at placing things where they are supposed to be."

Loki fiddled with a piece of candy. "Where does he want us?"

"Beside each other."

"You are being vague."

"Vague? Why is there more information you are searching for?" Sirena teased.

"Just wondering if there is more to this... How did you put it..? Beside each other, Like this, in this car discussing his master painting over snacks…"

"maybe this is part of his plans.." Sirena glances at Loki's lips as she leans slightly.

Loki starts to lean in as well. 

The kiss was short, sweet, and it made Loki happy to see her smile once the short kiss was over.

Loki smirked with a tilt of his head, "so do I ask you out or do you want to ask me?"

Sirena grinned, "I initiated the kiss, so I asked."

Loki shrugged. "Fair enough. So do I get to take you out for dinner?"

Sirena seemed hesitant. "We can do our Q and A right here."

"Do you actually have insurance on your phone?" It was the first question Loki came up with.

Sirena laughed, "that question is what you open up with?"

Loki nodded with a smirk.

She sighed before answering. "Yes I do. They won't send me a new one because I dropped the phone. Something stupid about it not being the device that stopped working and it was my fault.. But it still works and I am not worried about it."

"Alright. But everytime you show me pictures on your phone I really want to get you a new one so I can see your pictures better."

"You are not the first person to complain about my phone for that reason."

"Why not get a new phone?"

"I am worried about losing my pictures."

Loki beamed. "I could help with that. Its very easy to do that. I move files all the time for work."

"Maybe. Enthusiastic helper."

Loki thought for a second. "I could teach you how to save stuff and put it all on a micro SD card or back everything up to the cloud."

Sirena looked confused. "That was all over my head. I have no idea how electronics work. I can text, call, and set alarms."

Loki tried not to laugh but a few chuckles escaped.

"Oh come on dont laugh at me!"

Loki couldn't help but laugh at her pout and the embarrassment inside her voice.

"I didn't mean to offend."

"Whatever. So there is an intersection coming up… left, right, or straight?"

Loki asked. "Really? Okay straight."

And that was the game for the night until they needed to get back to campus.

Loki and Sirena spent more time together and Clint seemed to be warming up to Loki more. There were still threats of bodily harm if Loki "ever hurt her and I will make sure you suffer too." 

Loki genuinely promised Clint he would never hurt Sirena.

Loki found himself on a new schedule and Sirena didn't mind much of his alarms because she saw how anxious he was without some daily structure. However she convinced him into a deal; he could pay for one meal a week, and on certain days she had control of what they would do with their free time. Loki had to admit he enjoyed new experiences -especially with Sirena because she is always pleasant to be around.

Sirena never let Loki pay for anything and if he did it was an ear full and she would go buy him something if he wouldn't take the money.

He tried to get creative by leaving a little money where she would find it, but she gave it away.

Loki went so far as to order things online, have them shipped to her mailbox as an "accidental delivery." Despite the company saying to keep it she would send it back or find someone else who would use it.

Then Sirena got assigned a paper to write and was stressed out about getting it done because it was on a book she just didn't understand. She found school just as important as Loki did, so homework would carve into their time together. Loki offered his help and she actually accepted it. Loki's skills at analytical reading were useful and Sirena would get Loki his favorite drink and snacks as thanks for each study session.

They would work on homework together; at first they were alone and then they had a study group with the rest of their friends. Loki invested in a personal laptop so he could program while others worked and it didn't take long to make some friends in the computer programming department too. Friends such as, Tony and Bruce.

During a study group Sirena announced she would be in a few of the art classes soon.

Fandral teased, "I am sure Loki is going to love it."

Sirena glared at Fandral. "It is very professional. There will be no suggestive atmosphere."

A few days later, Loki was in his art class and felt a little nervous as Sirena came in. Sirena discussed with Loki alone about how the class would go and how if anyone steps out of line the teacher would handle it.

It still did nothing to comfort him once she was on the podium in the plain undergarments she once explained. Everyone was on best behavior in the class which made it easier that way, but Loki's hands sweat so much he had to keep readjusting the drawing utensils. They were never intimate other than kisses,  hugs, and hand holding but now he saw the curves of her body and was memorizing them onto paper.

Not at all troubling.

[imaginetyzx]

"won't you just let me hold you" with you and kara... much love, reigenquest

GRRR UASGASIOFFOASOIGSAFSI jason ur gonna pay for this

edit: the line from the prompt takes a LONG TIME to get in there bear with me i have brainrot

It’s been about seven short months since I met them. How often does anyone meet a set of six brothers, let alone sextuplets? One in particular always stood out to me. The bizarrely shaped shades, the essentially greaser-like leather jacket, the absolute nerve and guts to flirt with people even when you know nobody likes you. Maybe I’m going off a little bit, but my point stands.

I won’t drop the L word yet but god do I like Kara. It’s predictable, I know, my thing for hopeless flirts, emotional people with emotional secrets they have yet to reveal to their soulmate since they haven’t found them yet, all that jazz.

Anyway, after MONTHS of being pestered by my friends, I’m asking The Question tonight. It took weeks to figure out how I wanted to go about it, and in the end I decided to go out of my comfort zone and do something more extravagant. I’m gonna dress up nice and sing outside the goddamn window, because fuck you, Romeo and Juliet is a good story, aside from the ending. It somehow took even LONGER to pick a song to sing, I wanted to pick a song I both knew all the lyrics to and one that also fit my voice range well enough that I’d sound less like a dying cat when singing.

I was torn on what to wear, unsure if I should dress masculine or feminine. So, I compromised with myself. I tucked my ponytail into a beanie, only leaving my thin bangs visible. I put on a knee length pencil skirt that had thin white stripes on black, and my knee-high black boots underneath. On my torso, I wore a mostly plain t-shirt with a skull on the chest pocket and my favorite black jean jacket over it. Yeah, it’s still winter, but the fit. I put on various kinds of jewelry including one of my many pendants around my neck. I begin my walk to the Matsuno House, with only my purse on me. In my purse is my fully charged cell phone, with a karaoke version of Hesitate by The Jonas Brothers on youtube. Don’t judge me, this song make’s me cry without fail.

After talking to myself for several minutes, I can see the house in the distance. Their mother and father are out tonight, so I luckily don’t have to worry about THAT embarrassment. I pull out my phone to text the youngest brother, Todomatsu (as he is the only one who actually has a phone of his own).

[txt.tyz]: hey, is he still up?

I stare at my screen waiting for an answer. I didn’t want to tell any of the others about this, but in order to plan everything well, I had to inform Totty of this plan. Not that I mind, though, he would’ve figured it out anyway, he’s just that clever.

[txt.td]: yup, the only 1′s up are him, me n choromatsu-niisan somehow. i doubt u will wake them up too since the song ur singing is on the quiet side

[txt.tyz] ahhhh ty totty ;-; im almost there

[txt,td] ;3 id wish u good luck but u rly dont need it

-totty is offline-

BITCH? What does THAT mean? Asshole.

By now I’ve reached the house. I stand outside, looking up at the window, where I see Todo peeking out the window. He gives me a thumbs up and he leaves my field of vision. I feel goosebumps show up on my skin when Kara opens the window and stands on the roof, closing the window behind him.

“W-what’re you doing here so late?” He says, and I blush. I’m not good at being smooth.

“i-uh-well i-just listen.” I manage to spit out while taking my phone out, pressing play, and setting it down on the mailbox.

“Kiss the tears right off your faceWon’t get scared, that’s the old, old, old meI’ll be there time and placeLay it on me, all you’re hold, hold, holdingTime, time only heals if we work through it nowAnd I promise we’ll figure this out”

I can’t even keep eye contact with him while I sing, out of pure embarrassment. I can’t believe I’m even doing this. I can’t believe I let my friends talk me to into SINGING to him.

“I will take your painAnd put it on my heartI won’t hesitateJust tell me where to startI thank the oceans for giving me youYou saved me once and now I’ll save you tooI won’t hesitate for you”

I haven’t noticed it because I refuse to look directly at him while singing, but Todo and Choro are both peeking through the window, watching it all go down.

“Pull me close and I’ll hold you tightDon’t be scared ‘cause I’m on your sideKnow there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for youPull me close and I’ll hold you tightDon’t be scared 'cause I’m on your sideKnow there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for youI will take your painAnd put it on my heartI won’t hesitateJust tell me where to startI thank the oceans for giving me youYou saved me once and I’ll save you tooI won’t hesitate for you”

As I hear my voice fading away to signify the end of the song, I look at him and-holy shit? Is he crying? Does my voice sound that bad?

“Oh my god dude I-was I that bad? I’m so sorry, I could never compare to your talent but even so, I wanted to do something special-please don’t cry!” I plead to him. I immediately grab my phone, shoving it in my purse and looking at the ground.

“I’m so sorry I’m sorry I-” I continue to apologize, not noticing that hes slid off the roof and to the ground in front of me. Just as I go to look up at him instead of seeing a slightly distant figure, I see his face for a brief moment before he wraps his arms tightly around me and my eyes meet his jacket. He smells like cheap men’s cologne. Of course he does. I’m frozen in place, unsure of how to react to this. Does he feel bad?

“Oh, my angel..” He says, pulling away slightly. “You beat me to it.”

I freeze again. I can’t find words to say, until I hear Totty yell, “I TOLD YOU SO!”

“You mean…you-the-” I stutter, visibly blushing.

“Yes.” He plainly states.

“So you-”

“Yes.” He repeats himself.

“…so…will y-” I start to speak until he silences me by connecting our lips for only a moment, but damn why can’t it be longer. I guess it IS late, after all. He envelops me in his arms and strokes my hair.

“Won’t you just let me hold you?” He sing-songs the question, eyes closed and clearly not planning on letting me go yet. That is fine by me, sir. I give, closing my eyes and wrapping my arms around his torso.

After a minute or two, I yawn. It’s pretty late.

“Ah, we both need our beauty sleep, don’t we? We can continue tomorrow.” Kara grins and lets go of me, still standing close.

I nod. “O-okay…I’ll come back tomorrow?” I question him. He nods back, turning to face the house but still looking at me.

“Til then, my angel~” I hear him coo as he walks into the house.

My face flusters, and I shit you not, I run home because I have so much adrenaline in me.

(AHHHH,,,THIS HURT ME PHYSICALLY BUT TWAS WORTH IT)

[paulwalltran]

Dungeons and Dragons Loneliness

Another interview with lofi music. Today was a pretty shitty day, alot on my mind. Here to unload. 

Today’s mood: Fuck it all...

It’s a mad addiction, a horrendous one. It’s all I think about, it’s all I want to talk about. Or almost anything fantasy related. I’ve recently gotten a little closer with one of my co workers. Delerner Banks, everyone calls him Del. He’s always in the tunnel, and always brings warhammer books to read and do work (whatever it is he’s working on.) We talk about fantasy related things all the time, and sometimes we bounce ideas off each other, feeling out our thoughts of settings and lore. Talking to him about some fantasy before leaving work made me feel alot better. The loneliness inside has been eating at me.

I know it’s salt, I know its jealousy, that I’m mad at my friends. They been hanging out more without me, playing cards and shit. Its not a passion of mine, its fun sometimes, but its still not me. Its what they bond over, its what they do together, and that’s what theyre into. If I had to guess, they’re okay with Dungeons and Dragons, but even my best friend said that I take it too serious. Its fallen out of their favor, it eats up a lot of time, and they each have their version of what a fun campaign would be like. In me, I said to myself, “Fine, fuck it. I’ll have to assemble another crew to play with.” Tough situation then isn’t it? Wanting to play a social game that needs bodies, during an age where social gatherings are frowned upon, because they carry a potential to spread a virus... Still, this is what I want to do. I want a group of friends, who share the same passion I do. My current friends must think ill of me, they may just want to hang out. They think that if they come hang with me, I’ll want a game of DnD without a doubt. They just want to chill and kick it, they don’t want to roll dice. But ask me once and I’ll tell you yes twice, to playing DnD. 

I love it with all my heart, all of the contents and materials are here, ready to play. No extra investments, no money needed to be spent, we can get going off of nothing like we did back then. A table top roleplaying game, we started with cardboard and lego figures, and just two books to share. But there was fun to be had, and a few heated sessions. But fun it was, the more we played the deeper i grew fond of the game. I’m even willing to experiment with other systems if I have someone to guide me. With cards, you gotta constantly update your arsenal to keep up with the meta, and let’s be real, not playing anything remotely close to meta isn’t as fun. Different formats allow different decks, and to keep current you gotta keep up. I dont have the fundings for it, I dont have the luck. I would rather buy a module that’ll last for years, versus a pack of cards. I have two books that have skyrocketed in value, cards go up and down like stocks. But thats the appeal I suppose, I don’t care for it though.

Back to the thing at hand, I’m in their group chat as they make plans. I can’t be there for all that. But fuck it, that’s all Im going to say. Fuck it, on repeat, until its engraved into my head. Pride is getting the best of me, I refused to be denied again. If it’s not something they want to do, so be it, I need to look out for me in the end.  I must muster up the courage to start playing online again, the first one wasn’t bad, but it fell apart. I need to get the courage to be social, and get over the fear that everyone expects you to be a pro player. I’m scared going into this green still, roll20 isn’t my forte. But if I want to play DnD, this seems to be my only option. It may fulfill my wish, to find friends who are just as passionate as I. My other friends, they’re over on the other side. Its fine, it truly is, they have one another, and I need to be strong. I need to find the strength in this loneliness, even though its tearing me apart. My circle becomes smaller, thats just the way of the world. Adapt to survive, be formless like water...

Dungeons and Dragons, my greatest escape. I can be anybody, and do things I normally can’t. I can clobber up bad guys, indecent folk, and finesse my way out of punishment from the law. I can save a village, a town, a kingdom, when I can hardly save myself. I can fly, cast spells, break locks, imagination is my only limit. I can hoard and amass vast amounts of riches, I myself can even become a dragon. I don’t have to be me, although a bit of me resides in everyone I’ve made before. I can never truly separate myself, from those Ive breathed life into. For hours on end, I can go anywhere, do anything, I melt into the world thats placed before me.

 Because the reality is that I’m practically shit, and nobody. The world is fucked up and jacked up and spiraling down the drain. I’m mentally fucked and my physicality is pretty much the same. I’m stuck in place when the world is demanding me to change. I lost with no real direction. No map in hand, no guide, and I’m scared out of my mind. I don’t know whether to trust the process or commit suicide. Im not sure where I’ll end up, if it’s good or bad. Im struggling, I’m suffering, and there seems to be no end. I could say I’m trying, but I would be lying, if I had to look at the brighter side. The positive things in life are so hard to identify. But my emotions are raw and hit hard, slamming against the walls in my skull. Demanding me to give them attention...and attention I give them, as they tear me up. Like being pulled at by the limbs, drawn and quartered is the method it seems like today. I was thinking that I couldn’t drink forever, my body would eventually reject. But what if I drank energy drinks on end, a heart attack to get me out of this place. I can down those all day long, so whats stopping me from taking that way out of it? Less grotesque and violent, it’ll probably be painful as hell. An organ seizing up, as the body ceases the function. I get said thinking about it sometimes, but one day, enough will be enough. But damn that lady...damn her for speaking those words... Tomorrow. If nothing is better by tomorrow, then do as you may. But sleep it off, tomorrow is another day. 

It’s not verbatim, but its the gist. Just wait for tomorrow, and hopefully things will change. The choice is still mine to make, and something in me pushes me forward, keeps me going on. Sometimes I think about who I’m leaving behind, and maybe how much it’ll hurt. The evil darkness inside me says that they’ll get over it, they have to, and time doesn’t wait. I won’t be immortalized, I’ll simply end up a statistic. That maybe itll be a few years the sadness remains fresh, but wounds always heal. Discrediting my actual existence, and any form of relations. Like I wouldn’t have made any actual impressions, people don’t weep for me now. People kind of forget I exist already, what makes me think they won’t after I’m gone? 

I think about my folks, my grandma, my girlfriend, my second family, and other close dear friends. I think about how many last will letters I would have to put out there, before I call for the curtains. Sometimes, I say I will start writing them, but they give me pause. I end up not wanting to leave this world, after pouring out my heart. Because I don’t want to leave any questions behind for people who matter, I want them to know how I felt before I passed. I want to leave with them apart of me, so they would never forget. 

Still it doesn’t change, shit is rough as of lately, work has been eating me up. I feel like Im never hundred percent, and me back on gaming is making it worst. I’ve gotten back onto Elder Scrolls Skyrim, its been my virtual version of DnD. Waiting for the Outer World Expansion, so I can get addicted to that again. All I want to do is play Dungeons and Dragons, the question is how do I make that into a living? I think being a Matthew Mercer is one in a million, I don’t think I’m that great. I’m willing to learn, grow, evolve because it is my passion, but I’m always scared of making mistakes. To be one of the greater Dungeon Masters, to be THE Wizards of the Coast Dungeon Master, it may possibly be the dream. To eat, sleep, breathe, Dee en Dee. My obsession isn’t that crazy though, I’m still behind on the lore of creatures and settings, I haven’t studied at all. But with the right drive and motivation, I would, especially with something as real as a legit group.

Enthusiastic players, who show up every week, bi weekly, once every month even, to play this fantastic game. Group of chill folks who is willing to take the Dungeon Master Mantle with I get burned out and have the desire to be in the player seat. One of those is the driving force, they make me want to plan. They make me want to make the world, the style, everything in general better, with the constructive feedback. I mean it’s been so long as I was a player in a campaign until the end, I’m beginning to think paying for a Dungeon Master wouldn’t be so bad. Once a month? A couple of hours? I mean I’m thinking like seven USD per hour? Eight isn’t bad, but after that it becomes a questionable amount. It repeats in my head, “No DnD is better than Bad DnD”, this much is probably still true. I say still because I still might want at least one session with said game, so I can at least say it was the worst after having attempt it, rolling something. Ha ha, I kid myself, I’m lying because I know the rage would be all to real and caution is my game most of the time. But I mean, I just might have to start exploring the idea, I was definitely going to ask on FaceBook if any Roll20 games was recruiting a newbie. 

Alas, today won’t be the last time I speak on the matter, Dungeons and Dragons haunt me everyday. I stare at minis, I stare at the upcoming books and modules, and I watch youtube where they tell RPG Horror Stories, Its become a huge part of my life, such as dancing once was. It almost links right into my earliest talents...writing. I love to write, just like I’m doing now. Im fairly decent at the writing game if I must say. Hey, real life failed Bard here, I should make one who always ends up playing big bro, and end up being friendzoned by all his interests. Im short, so Halfling is very true. Am I charismatic? Who knows, I can’t say for sure. But yes, I feel like this is what I need, a solid weekly game, maybe once every two weeks, hell, once every month would still be great. Something to look forward to the very least, in this life of routine and mundane. Something to look forward to for me, something that’s my own. Something I don’t need my closer friends to be apart of, since they’re not interested anyhow. I’m really talking shit because I’m hella salty, but at least I’m being upfront. Get it all out now, before the typing is done. 

It’s been a productive session, I may have to attribute it to Lofi it seems. The Lofi Hip Hop Radio on YouTube, also found on Spotify. Some tracks still strike me deep in the chest, giving me horrible flash backs and feeling in my chest. Others keep me going, forward, almost propelling. I’m currently training myself to be accustomed to the sounds, because I at first was very scared. That it would just transport me to a dark place and keep me there. I’ve been trying to confront my feelings more with this music, I think I felt better after last session like this. The more I faced myself, the better I became. Yes, I most definitely referenced Persona 4, another amazing and loved title because of the message it portrays. I always wondered what my shadow self would look like, and what they would say. But eh another time, I’m about to start rambling again. I have to conclude here, before I get off topic.

Until next time Tumblr...