#it really pisses me off that some of my rl friends make up the most ELABORATE lies to come across as tough

[echoxshxrx]

.

[sadist-babypink]

ok so i've watched boarders and here are some of my thoughts on it

a lot of jaheim's problems stem from him not communicating properly

the fact that students beat each other up on the reg and the police doesn't ever get involved is kind of insane. especially since there seems to be video evidence on multiple occasions. i know they keep it on the dl because of the schools reputation and the parents of the perpetrators likely pay off the victims or whatever but its kind of crazy especially since rupert has done some inexcusable shit to people

i like leah's character and her going after that guy and ditching mable was kinda not that impactful because of the little time we had to explore their friendship. they didn't really seem as close as they were made out to be so mable's anger felt misplaced. however i hope leah won't ditch her friends over a guy again and has learned from it cause that would be lazy writing

i feel like bea is joking sometimes (like when she said she wanted the ends experience) but then again it doesn't feel like it which makes her come off as a prick idk i really don't know if i like her or not

they did not show the portrait properly in the show i think and i was wondering wtf leah was talking about until they actually said out loud that it was depicting a slave picking cotton in the last episode but tbf that could've been just me

they all seem a bit dismissive about leah's worries sometimes

they get away with a lot off stuff. like not even detention?

i still don't understand what exactly the headmaster thought happened with carol and omar. did he think she had him strip searched? because shortly after it seems that people actually know rupert was at fault? it was a bit unclear

i love toby lol i hope we get to explore more how smart he actually is in the next season. so much room for character development and him owning up to how intelligent he is. would love it.

also more jaheim being an engineering genius. he seemed to have so much fun with xiang at the robots duel thing

the drug usage isn't unrealistic. rich private school kids are next level when it comes to substance abuse like they don't play

femi pisses me off so bad i've never seen a more unloyal character also his roommate was way too chill about him taking his card like huh i would have flipped i think. then again i kinda like a villianous character who would step on anyone to get what he wants femi just has to get better and less pathetic about it to make me like him

florence is somewhat redeemable and i can see her getting into something with jaheim which would of course cause a rift between her and bea and bea and jaheim. anyways she needs to break up with rupert not like they actually care about each other lol

the diversity team was just two dumb bitches telling each other exactly for half the season. the only actual meaningful thing they did was when they warned the headmaster in episode 5 or 6 i can't remember otherwise most of the shit is so performative which actally makes sense depicting rl

they need a therapist or something on school grounds because WHAT

honestly a school therapist in s2 could lead to intresting plot lines i can already see it especially with carol being the stand-in headmaster now. she'd not give a fuck about patient confidentiality.

bea, flroence and abby three dumb bitches telling each other exaaaccctly

i need leah and abby as friends. no more shit between them in s2 please. abby has already grown a lot.

leahs issue is kind of that she wants justice but then doesn't think about how her actions will impact other people like her little fued with the headmaster directly influencing abby since she will have to leave the school if her father gets fired

the headmaster pisses me off his character is so cold and warm its annoying whatever

omar and dilton needs to happen in some capacity. omar deserves a person who doesn't treat him like shit

xiang has grown on me. that's a real ride or die especially during the paintball thing. hope him and jaheim stay friends

i love toxic dymnamics so omar/rupert needs to happen. that strip search thing was weirdly charged and i really liked omar getting what was actually going on and standing up for himself in a way. they'd be the worst genuienly. it needs to get so bad that it ruins rupert's life. but let omar be happy with dilton or something in the end.

but first of all: someone needs to hit rupert up the head with a frying pan repeatedly to fix whatever is wrong with him because WHAT also preferably have it be jaheim or omar doing the hitting

the rahscals are mad annoying and i wonder if they'll adress the substance/alcohol abuse thing at all

does the secret society actually exist? i feel like dilton made that up to get closer to omar. (or rupert made it up to fuck with him? idk)

hear me out: rupert's brother has the potential to be worse than him. he already does a lot of shit but at the same time he is the perfect student/son from the outside. he'd likely get away with anything. he'd be more the manipulation instead of direct attack type too.

leah showing abby more cultural things would be cute and her coming to lean more into it

in the end all i want is drama in s2. i love messy shit. also harry gilby get on the hotd set and put on that blonde wig you will be cast as daeron targaryen trust.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

✨When you get this, please respond with five things that make you happy! Then, send to the last ten people in your notifications anonymously. You never know who might benefit from spreading positivity✨

Hey Nonny!

Ooof this got lost in a bunch of stuff! Sorry about missing it! Only remembered it because I saw a similar ask on my dash hahha.

Seems like a good day to do this, since I'm so tired and exhausted and I need something to make me smile.

Dragons. Just everything and anything with dragons. I'm fascinated with them. If you buy or make me anything with dragons, I automatically love you.

I finally bought myself my iPad I've been saving up for for *literally* 3 years. Because I was saving up for a trip this year that I am no longer taking (was planning a 40th birthday trip to Disney, but now am not going to Florida at all until they get their shit together), I took some of that money also to buy it and bought a top-of-the-line one, the best I could buy at the local Apple store (1TB, 12.9inch Pro... you don't want to know how much it was :|). I love it so much, and it's nice to use it to get off my laptop. I mostly was prompted to buy it now because it was my 40th birthday gift to myself AND my Wacom driver kept crashing my laptop and I'm scared to reinstall it hahah.

Funko Pops. I LOVE them and hate them. I only collect ones from series and shows I like, but I have WAY too many of them that most are in storage right now. I want to get my own home soon so I can display them finally. I am constantly checking the app for upcoming Funkos, and then immediately check my local toy store for their preorders. My local toy store must love me, I have SO much on preorder right now.

Drawing and writing. I'm alright at both, but I've terrible imposter syndrome so I feel like I'm not good at either, mainly because I don't get much traction on either when I post. I've a few people who always help me get it out, but I these days I do it for me, because it makes me happy.

Video Games. Currently playing AC Valhalla, and I LOVE it so much that I ended up buying the Season Pass. I RARELY buy DLC. But the game was SO good and I wanted more, so I needed to play the expansions. PERSONALLY it's my fave of the new trilogy, and because it's a "current" game, it's always got new stuff. Love it. My fave game EVER is Kingdom Hearts 2. I love the story of it so much. Skyrim is a close second – I like Skyrim because I put in over 200 hours in ALL versions I've played, and still there's so much I have to do hahah. AC New Trilogy is third. I liked DA Inquisition but never finished it, and I still have a bunch of games I bought last Christmas I have yet to play, so my list may change... it's highly unlikely though.

So there you have it Nonny! I think it's good I waited until I was in a better mood to answer this... People stopped sending me these because I was always so negative in them, I guess... I hope I get more of things like this when my asks go back on.

Can I also give you 5 things I'm looking forward to? I feel like that will help me keep a positive attitude for a bit.

My current work contract is almost done, and I'll get some downtime before I have to start my normal day-job again. Looking forward to my weekends back.

My broken foot seems to be healing REALLY quick. Yesterday was the first day I woke up without it hurting, and today I've been able to hobble around on my heel (as per my doctor's instructions that I need to start doing once my foot stopped hurting). I'm optimistic that I'll be given the okay to drive again during my next appointment on the 30th. I am going nuts not being able to leave home on my own accord.

So in Canada, we have this thing where you can take out your RSPs tax-free for three things: Retirement, First Time Home Ownership, and Second Education. I set up my RSPs WAY back when I was making piss-poor salary about 10 years ago, and I wanted to make sure that I at LEAST could have SOMETHING when I retired. I recently discovered I maxed out the amount of money I can take out for First Time Homeownership in my RSP, so my plans to home ownership are looking more and more realistic. I just wish owning a home wasn't so expensive where I live (major city in one of the most expensive provinces in Canada). It's hard when you're single-income. Here's hoping that I can make it a reality soon. The idea is a condo, I just have very expensive tastes (safe-neighbourhoods apparently justify a 10,000$+ more in cost :/) so I keep saving into my various accounts and GICs that I set up after I finally was making a liveable salary, so as long as I keep being humble and living below my means, I can finally get what I save up for... if only the cost of housing would SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. It's gone up 100K in just a year. It's insane.

I also saved up enough for a new couch thanks to a second contract I took during my CURRENT contract, which paid me exactly enough for the couch I want to get (I may or may not have strategically negotiated that contract, LOL). I've been needing a new couch for years; the one I currently have, I have sentimental attachment to (it was my dad's and is over 20 years old) but working at home for almost 2 years, I've worn it out and it's SO VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. It's barely staying together. Looking forward to getting it :) ... Was waiting until cooler months since I have to put it together myself (IKEA) and my apt is SO hot in the summer, no way I can do it then.

Having my asks turned back on. I'm sorry, it sounds so cheesy and dumb, but I don't have many RL friends or connections, and you guys help me stay positive and help keep my negative thoughts at bay. The dark thoughts have been coming in a lot lately, to the point where I've convinced myself that no one missed me and no one cares, so it's helped having a few of my regulars and mutuals check up on me in DMs during all this. Thank you <3 I don't always reply back, but your love is appreciated <3

Thank you again Nonny for asking me this <3 And I hope you don't mind I answered more than you asked <3

[kaydeefalls]

For the writer ask meme: 3, 11, 12 for The Pride

Aw, nice, thank you! The Pride Pact, cheesy meet-cute AU of my heart.

3. Any deleted scenes that didn't make it into the fic?

Nope! I wrote this one in chronological order and 100% by the seat of my pants, just grooving with where it decided to take me. Never had anything extraneous to delete. (That's pretty normal for me, though -- it's rare that I write entire scenes and then delete them later. It definitely happens, but not often.)

11. What happens to these characters 2, 5, 10 years later?

You know, normal stuff. IDK, these are the most real-world-normal versions of the TOG characters I've ever written. Nicky and Joe definitely move in together way too quickly, probably within a couple of months. Joe switches career paths a couple of times, trying to figure out a way to make a living in the arts a little more directly. Nile bullies them into holding their wedding reception at the Guard and is genuinely surprised and thrilled when they actually follow through. She and Celeste probably shack up at some point. Lykon finishes his degree and becomes a social worker, but keeps pulling bar shifts anyway because he enjoys it and likes the excuse to hang out with Andy and Quynh. Everything is soft and occasionally stressful because that's what real life is but they all stay friends and stuff. Just nice happy things, IDK.

12. Pick a scene and give writer's commentary on your thoughts.

OH GOD HOW DO I EVEN

fine

Once in the cab, he ignores Joe as best he can, resting his head against the window. The glass feels cool against his face. Finally, Joe breaks the silence. "I'm sorry," he says. "I don't know what I said that pissed you off so much, but whatever it was, I am sorry."

"Okay," Nicky tells the window, still not looking at him.

"Nicky." When he doesn't respond, Joe reaches out to rub Nicky's shoulder. "C'mon, please. I don't think you've ever been mad at me before, and I really want to make it right. This sucks."

Nicky considers shrugging him off, but realizes he's already leaning into Joe's touch in spite of himself. "It's nothing, it's stupid. I'll probably forget about it in the morning anyway."

"I won't, though. Please, Nicky, just talk to me—"

"I just wish you would stop bringing up the damn Pride pact," Nicky says, all in a rush, knowing exactly how ridiculous he must sound. "Like—it's fine, whatever, I know you and I are never going to…" He swallows and shakes his head. "I've made my peace with it. But you don't need to keep reminding all our friends exactly how unfuckable you think I am."

Joe freezes, his grip on Nicky's shoulder tightening. "That's not—"

"I know that is not how you intend it," Nicky says quietly. "It's just a joke at this point, but that's how it feels, so. I wish you wouldn't."

So, like, it's no secret that the Pride pact is based on an actual agreement I made (at Pride) with the woman who is now my wife, because we were the only two queer women in a social group dominated by gay men. (Very little else about the fic is based on RL, but the basic premise, yes.) Anyway. The way SHE tells it, she'd tried to chat me up a few times at that point, but I was clearly not interested, so she proposed the pact as a way to prove that we could just be friends and I wouldn't have to worry about her Making It Weird. From my perspective, I legit had no idea she was interested and felt very Warned Off by the way she shot me down out of absolutely nowhere when we weren't even flirting or anything. But whatever, it's all good.

Fast forward a couple of years. We're still just friends. She still brings up the pact as a joke among our friends on the regular, and at one point I get drunk with a mutual friend and rant about it to him for like an hour because, like, I haven't had a date in ages and there are still only a bare handful of other female-identified folks in our friend group and I would really appreciate it if my ONE friend who is also inclined towards women would stop reminding all of our mutual friends exactly how unfuckable she finds me. (Unbeknownst to me, the reason she keeps mentioning it is because she is solidly crushing on me at this point and is overcompensating because she still doesn't want to make it weird.)

That conversation between Nicky and Joe? We never actually had it. Because it honestly wound up not being relevant by the time we got together in real life, and it was just that one random night I got really ticked off about it -- it's not something I was genuinely upset by, it had just been a weird night and I'd been in a shitty mood. But that's my imagining of how much more quickly we might have gotten our shit together if we'd ever actually TALKED ABOUT IT like freaking grownups. Living vicariously through fictional characters, folks!

(Other fun fact: my wife reads almost all my fic before I post it these days. When she got to that scene, she was like OH MY GOD IS THAT WHAT YOU THOUGHT THE WHOLE TIME and it was legitimately hilarious.)

[flightfoot]

I've seen people called ML a shitty show and I totally DISAGREE with them. Just because the writing doesn't cater their interest or not going to the direction they want, doesn't mean it's shitty. It means the show is just NOT for them. I've also seen people said ML lacking in character development and having too many plot holes. But it's NOT true either. The character development is there if one want to watch it with open minded and plot holes is just, what kind of show doesn't have one anyway? See people blame the character for something that they NOT do either like Alya being bad friends just because she doesn't believe Mari claim that Lila is a liar,or Adrien is a sexual harasser and these are the things that they see just because they WANT to see it that way and NOT how ML show it. People interpretation can be vary, but these? These are totally WRONG because it's not happening. Alya always believe on Mari but she also know what kind of person her best friend is: Mari could be petty toward people who she think is her love rival, it's in character for her and her jealousy and tendency to overthinking tend to get her mind goes everywhere and jump to conclusions too early. Knowing that, of course she'd ask Mari to proof it instead of believing the claim right away, that's how a good friend should be and not blindly believing just because Mari is her friend. Adrien is NOT a sexual harasser in any way, his flirting could annoy LB when the timing is off but even she tend to flirt with him too! And people who tell Adrien shouldn't be sad all the time or grow some spine to talk back to his father should try to live in abusing household. Adrien has the RIGHT to be sad! His mother disappeared and his father neglecting him, I'd be sad too if I were him, and grow up in abusive household tend to make you, "spineless" as they put it, because of the consequence of "misbehaving" could lead to a punishment. I know because my parents is like Gabriel and misbehaving means punishment. Sorry if I'm not masochis enough to willing to receive the punishment for my misbehavior. Mari could be a stalker and her going to Shanghai for Adrien is also in character, it's her flaw that she need to get over and she TRIED. Character development doesn't happen right away, it come slow through trial and error, not because someone told you so. Last, the purpose of the show is to entertain people and make the character relateable, which I found myself related to Adrien's home life and I know an RL friend with stalkerish tendency like Mari. So if the show is NOT entertain enough, then they should just leave it as it is and move on, go for another show, instead of going balistic in every episode leak and filling the tags with salt.

Oh trust me, I’m with you there. I pretty much wrote off most of the salt awhile ago. Sometimes there are issues with the show, but not to the extent that the salt takes it to, and frankly the saltfics in response are worse than the show could ever be.

Most people I follow are pretty fed up with it at this point too. I just stay out of the main tags, don’t touch saltfics with a ten-foot pole, and generally just stay out of that side of the fandom when I can. I’m pissed enough about saltfics when I can’t manage to avoid them despite my best efforts. I’m actually really happy with the show itself and the characters in it, and I’m not going to try to make myself unhappy with it. 

I’m just gonna enjoy the show. I’m sure there’ll be plenty of salt thrown at the new episode and special for one reason or another. Frankly, I don’t care. I love these characters and world and I bet I’m gonna have a good time with them. I usually do.

[voxofthevoid]

Taking It Up The Ass Isn’t Character Growth - A Rant

So, in response to an ask a while back, I said I had a rant brewing on fandom and sex positions, and well, a lot of you wanted to see it, so here you go. You literally asked for it.

Disclaimer: This is going to talk a lot about top/bottom roles in slash fic and fandom attitude towards them and is heavily filtered through the lens of my own tastes and experiences with fandom. I’d also like to be upfront that I am 100% in favor of people writing whatever fictional content they want, and it’s not what fandom does with characters that bothers me but rather how that translates into attitudes towards real, live people. Also, this is the essay version of a slow burn AU because I regurgitate my entire fandom history before getting to the point. Beware.

I discovered fan-fiction around a decade ago, had no clue what the hell it was, got hooked and dived deeper. I started participating in fandom circa 2013, and I was fairly young and also completely inexperienced both sexually and romantically. The fandom in question was Hannibal and my ship of choice was Hannibal/Will. It was/is a very chill fandom in general, but we had our drama. And chief among the contentious topics was—you guessed it—the top/bottom debate. I can’t actually remember any other topic that was discussed and argued for so ardently in that fandom, at least in those days. Even after I drifted away, I came across a few posts on the matter.

Generally, you had two camps—people who supported strict roles and those who were in favor of switching*. And because we’re a society plagued by illogical assumptions, the strict role camp mostly had people who thought Mr. Big Bad Cannibal in the Fancy Suits wouldn’t take it up the ass because he’s older, more experienced, more mentally stable, and of course, more ‘dominant’ in personality. Yes, that sentence is chock full of problematic shit. I am aware. Lots of people were aware and argued strongly against attributing top/bottom roles to personality. I don’t remember anyone arguing as enthusiastically for Top Will, but those voices were also there. But the general idea was that assigning strict top/bottom roles to a male/male couple was casting them in a heterosexual mold and thus, the progressive option was to make them switch. Strict roles also garnered comparisons to “yaoi” and uke/seme stereotypes, which was of course bad and fetishizing and we, the Western media fans, of course had to do better. Stealth racism is fun to untangle.

Anyway, I lapped up the woke juice. Partly because I was a baby queer from Buttfuck Nowhere, Asia, who had zero exposure to LGBT+ communities and what queer folks did with each other. Partly because it was the stance taken by most of my favorite writers so it seemed like a good position to emulate.

Emulate it I did. Most discussions I had about this happened in private with the handful of close friends I had in fandom. Where it really showed was in my writing. I made sure to write switching—maybe not in every fic, but then I alternated between fics. Thing is though, I did have a preference. I liked Top Will. I created and consumed a ton of Top Hannibal, and sometimes it was okay, sometimes it was not, but I couldn’t pinpoint why it made me uncomfortable. Back then, I thought I was a cis questioning/bi girl and once again, the impression I got was that not being MLM, having a preference was automatic fetishization. So I tried my best to justify my preferences, to my friends at least. I think what I said was that fandom was skewed towards Top Hannibal, and I liked the opposite because I’m a contrary fuck. Which I am, to be fair, but this was just me desperately trying to figure shit out without being offensive.

That’s the line I touted all the way until 2018, which was when I fucked off to grad school in A City, finally freed of Buttfuck Nowhere and able to actually date. At this point, I was settled in my sexuality (girls only) and questioning my gender (non-binary or trans guy). I had also tentatively figured out during undergrad that I’m an exclusive top and a Dom. Actual attempts at dating cemented that, yes, those are my preferences, about as flexible as a steel rod. Cue motherfucking epiphany over my fanfic tastes.

And see, over these years, I was engaging intermittently with fandom. I dutifully wrote switch couples. I also continued to have rigid tastes and continued to explain it away as being a contrary fuck—to be fair, until Steve/Bucky, my preference did seem to be the opposite of the larger fandom preference. But correlation, as we know, isn’t causation. Until Steve/Bucky, I continued to write versatile couples because I honestly didn’t have the guts to just say I liked it just one way. I do now but even then, I feel compelled to add that it’s because I want to see my own taste reflected in fic, so I write/read the character I relate to as a top, it's not that deep etc. Would I be as forthright if I didn’t have that reason? Would I have such strict preferences in fic if I didn’t have strict preferences IRL? The latter’s a mystery, but the former isn’t—I wouldn’t be because fandom is still entrenched in the same ideas that got me to this point to begin with.

In every fandom I’ve been in, I’ve seen some version of this debate go around. Sometimes, it’s one party saying “why would you write Character X as a bottom, he’s so Reason A” and a reblog chain that insults the OP and/or extols the virtues of switching. Sometimes, it’s a general-ish message that says they don’t understand why people have strict preferences when we all know real gay couples switch. Sometimes, it’s blanket statements that accuse anyone with preferences of fetishizing. Sometimes, it’s the same reasoning that gets you “Character Y is a top because of Reason B” transposed on versatile couples except this takes the form of “they switch because they’re equals.”

Ya’ll, I’m fucking tired.

I have long since lost count of the number of stories I’ve seen where an exclusive top learning bottom and liking it is character growth. Where a character who prefers to bottom taking a turn on top is empowering.

Isolated, these are fine. But I’ve seen enough of such stories that it’s distinctly discomfiting and a major squick. Sometimes a trigger, if I'm too immersed in the story. I’m not going to try and burn an author at the stake because they pissed me off. I am just going to close that window and quietly handle my shit. People can write whatever they want. But this one theme hits too close to home, as you can see from this 1.6k rant.

My friend (also my ex-girlfriend) and I had an all-out bitching session about this the other day. Both of us are kinky fuckers who have rigid, complementary roles we prefer and we have both had our grueling days of struggling to reconcile our sexual tastes with our ideologies precisely because of how these things are frowned upon in conservative and progressive circles. Seeing that in fandom, of all places, is both insulting and exhausting. Topping and bottoming aren’t personality traits. Neither is D/s. It’s sexual preference and power play. It really does not have to be that deep. I am not exorcising childhood trauma using the bodies of women. My partners, former and current, have not been brainwashed by the patriarchy. We will not become better, more complete individuals once I magically stop being a stone top and my partners embrace the joys of a strap-on.

I have, with my own two eyes, seen someone say that in a really committed relationship, of course the couple will switch.

Bullshit.

It’s transparent bullshit. This does not get attributed to cisgender M/F couples. Even when the automatic assumptions of woman = bottom and man = top get addressed, switching isn't presented as the default. No one’s saying “oh, if you really love your husband, you’ll peg him”. I do know butch/femme sapphic couples get their own share of shit. Because it’s all heteronormativity, right? Can’t have any other reason for top/bottom roles.

You have two extremes with “so who’s the woman” on one end and “it’s woke only if they switch” on the other, and as far as I’m concerned, they’re equally damaging. There shouldn’t be a pressure, however subtle, to conform your taste in fiction to some arbitrary idea of progressiveness. People are going to like whatever they want anyway; all this does is create an atmosphere where those likes can’t always be freely expressed without a lot of mental gymnastics. We’re seeing so many versions of this in the pushback against so-called problematic content, but smaller, subtler versions exist too.

Fictional characters aren’t real. They can be whatever you want them to be. And yes, other people will often want them to be the exact opposite of your ideas, but that’s just how things work. Meanwhile, the people behind these usernames? They’re real. No one should be throwing real people under the bus to ‘protect’ characters that don’t exist. Hannibal Lecter doesn’t care whether he gets fucked or dismembered in Author B’s fanfiction, but the discourse that surrounds the dick up his ass? That does affect flesh and blood people.

I am not claiming that this is the only attitude in fandom. Middlegrounds do exist. Plenty of people abide by fic and let fic and there are folks who pipe up to say not every RL queer couple switches. But it’s often the extremes that reach most people. That was certainly my experience, and I’m not the only one.

I don’t really know how to end this post. It is 100% a rant and one that’s been building up for a while. Bottom line is that people’s sexual behavior varies wildly and whenever you attack sexual tastes in fanfic by saying it’s unrealistic - or worse because let’s be real, that’s a very tame word choice - please remember that there’s likely someone out there who practices it.

* I’m using switch and versatile synonymously in this post. It’s mostly concerned with top/bottom debates. A lot of what I’m saying is also echoed in portrayals of and discussions surrounding D/s dynamics, but I’m not addressing that as much for now.  

[xxsealitwithakissxx]

“We’re more ghosts than people.”

After around 5 months (I know that’s basically ages these days, but I wanted to take my time... then quarantine happened) and a lot of patience, boah that’s an understatement, I can say it was worth it.

I figured it was fitting to end on the character we started with.

                                         “Vengeance is an idiot's game.”

I know most post stuff like this on reddit, but honestly I rarely feel comfortable posting there. I’m not exactly a prolific ‘cowgirl’, what long history I’ve accumulated over the course of many months can possibly be said that hasn’t already resulting in hundreds of upvotes? I mean, I’m happy for those people, it simply makes me all the more nervous. Also, ignore the Compendium. Just.... jesus, I can not. 360 is close enough, imo. Anyway, knowing it’s over feels equally like having a weight lifted and leaving a close friend behind knowing you might not see them again. I was literally a day from getting this on my birthday, lol.

Does that sound exaggerated? Probably. Yes, the game managed to hit me in the feels more than once on certain occasions. Ngl, I imagine my day one horse Sauron was probably in horse-y heaven looking down like ‘fuck all you had to do was leave me in the stables but naw fam, you had to be a hero’. That scene had me pissed more than anything. The fact that we left him there, without a grave or anything just... pffft. That actually made me turn off the game for a bit. That and the Lenny plus Hosea bit. And the Molly bit. And Susan bit. And I may have gone back and burned a rat. But you know what? Let’s move on.

It didn’t help that my dear mother had taken to alternating between watching and helping me make decisions throughout the story (*cough*novel*cough*) and became attached to some of the characters, notably Orthor. I spelled that correctly, I swear. She was on the verge of tears more than once, just don’t tell her I said that. :p

What baffled yet continued to draw me in most is watching the downfall of the charismatic, prideful (c’mon look at that gif), and arguably hypocritical leader Dutch and his loyal fanbase gang. By the third chapter’s ending, shit hit the fan so much I wondered how everyone still alive managed to stay within the group, or be relatively sane enough by the 6th chapter. I had never seen such loyalty in a video game before. Seriously. Mind you, I hadn’t played the first game (I will eventually once my recovery period is over, lol) and still knew some of what happened to the ‘Miltons’, so the ending didn’t hit too hard.

Perhaps it’s just my personal rl issue with the ‘blind leading the blind’, but I had a little gripe with a bunch of... mostly capable adults following this one man by word alone from camp to camp while running from the law and not once questioning if they should wake up tomorrow and go, hey, maybe I’ll try to think for myself today. Granted, they were a makeshift family of sorts, I can understand how they all came to trust Dutch after hearing each individual backstory. It’s teetering on the very edge of CULT LEADER I AM A CULT LEADER, but I can still understand the why’s and how’s that came to be the Van Der Linde gang, jokes aside. He is above all, human, and coupled with his inability to ‘fight nature’ I think that is what makes him so intriguing to watch (Not to mention Benjamin‘s phenomenal voice acting...and the whole cast for that matter). I notice a certain theme that people rarely, if ever seem to speak of in old westerns that is sometimes present. One man strolls into some obscure  town and threatens to take over, be it with violence or by other means, with or without a gang of dunderheads trailing his wake, and the townsfolk willingly surrender. Until of course one unsung hero snatches said villain’s glory of badassary from under him and all is right again.

RDR2 isn’t like that. Not entirely. My point is it has elements of this sprinkled inside its storyline. At least, for the first and second half. It both confused and irritated me that most people were so easily brought back then, maybe it’s still like that now at times with Social Media so present in our lives, but I digress. I’m not writing this to step on toes or tell you what to believe, I just wanted to share this experience. A 120hr (hello fellow completionists) or so journey into a redemption story, a remarkably immense detailed landscape, and its colorful yet very complex characters. Despite some plot holes here and there, which I’d expect for a prequel of this size, I think I identify with John the most. Charles as well. Not trying to downplay his shortcomings, but he never really brought into Dutch’s bullshit plans, not truly anyway. As they say hindsight is 20/20. When listening those early camp dialogues and later ones you can tell just how in depth the writing goes, I’d argue that half the specific lines at camp and reading Arthur’s journal are better than what the cutscenes have to spell out for you.

I won’t linger on what’s been said a hundred times, how much a lot of us love Orthor (I’m sorry I’ll leave) and most of the other members, along with the immersive gameplay. It certainly didn’t become boring as I initially thought. I’m not too big on westerns... Roy Rogers, Bat Masterson, Maverick, and of course the Fist Full of Dollars trilogy suffice really. I actually wonder if R* will be able to top it. Two years later and some people are still in their feelings about it like it came out yesterday. With that type of impact, it will definitely be a challenge.

Now what’s left? Oh, a few stranger missions and some places I haven’t explored fully... Hmm. Or maybe I’ll try out 100% on pc...

Ha. The epitome of my humor ends there because I’d rather be hit by that train. How my hands aren’t broken or severely bruised is anyone’s guess. But really, thanks for reading if you made this far. Stay safe, guys. <3

[fictionxlover]

8x01

Let me start off by saying this was a good episode, especially an opening episode. Now let me just break this down by character so it’s easier.

Arya:

I LOVE how Arya is more happier and she is showing more of a soft side. It makes me so emotional how happy she is right now even though impending doom is on its way. The Jon/Arya reunion was SO BEAUTIFUL! Her jumping into his arms like old times, the smiles, Jon showing her the weapon. I also love how it highlighted that they will ALWAYS love each other but both of them have changed. You saw more of that when Arya defended Sansa. Arya is not that innocent 10 year old who enjoyed talking shit about Sans with Jon lmao like she has grown into a young woman, and has got this closure/closer with her sister. And ik some will be like ‘ARYA WOULD NEVER-’ but...yall said Arya instincts are always right (I saw it particually with last season too during Stark Sis Bowl lol) so if Arya says Sansa is just looking out for the fam, I believe her. And I think it made Jon be like, huh my little sister has grown and I trust her instincts. Also, again before haters jump on um c’mon, realistically at least 8/10 of us as adults see one of our siblings differently than we saw them as children. That’s just a fact. Moving on, um, GENDRYAAAA!! There reunion was more than I EVER expected! Her defending him, teasing him, smiling, gendry smiling, but also like woah is this beautiful lady flirting with me?? It was BEAUTIFUL!! I have some fears but I’m just going to try enjoy them moment. Overall, THIS WAS MY GIRL’S EPISODE YALL-

Sam:

I felt so bad for Sam this episode. At first he is excited to meet another Targaryen then he finds out that she burned his family alive. What I loved about this scene is that it kinda made Sam’s rose colored glasses fall off. I feel like after being friends with Aemon, and learning the stories, Sam saw the Targaryens in just a positive light. It reminded me how young Sansa believed all those stories about true knights but then reality punched her in the face. Just like it did with Sam. Not every Targaryen is a bad person but they do have their flaws. Their way of justice might not be what we think is morally right but in their eyes its justice. Then him trying to pull it together, and reuniting with Jon was beautiful. But...….sorry Sam telling Jon the truth kinda ruined the reveal for me. I can’t even disagree what Sam said about ‘would dany kneel for you?’ but it seemed like his resentment with Dany overpowered the reveal. It made it more about jon might overthrow dany than jon being shocked and trying to process everything. Also BRAN SHOULD HAVE TOLD JON BUT WHATEVER D&D

Tyrion:

Tyrion, Tyrion, Tyrion.....I like show!Tyrion more than book!Tyrion but they really dumbed his ass down. He really thinks Cersei is coming???? WITH HELP??? I can’t tell if he knows the truth and is just playing the game or if he actually believes his sister??? it would work at any of those ways because Tyrion’s fatal flaw is that he always wanted to be accepted by his family. His abusers basically. So, I won’t be surprised if any of these options are true. 

Daenerys:

Let me tell you guys I like Dany, I LOVVEEE Book!Dany more but I have to confess I have Stark stan reactions first. So it takes me while to be like let me take a step back and see this from Dany’s pov. I understand Dany is basically like I am here to FIGHT FOR YOU and yall just disrespectful. I feel bad for her when Jon isn’t really defending her in PUBLIC. I felt bad when Sam cried and she was like fuck. I feel kinda bad for her that Sansa doesn’t like her. But Dany...some of her reactions is....just D&D bs. 

First of all let’s talk about dragons. Dragonriders are suppose to have this special connection with there dragons. Not every random person can just hop on a fucking dragon. With Jon it makes sense he could because he is a Targaryen. However, Dany doesn’t know that! So yeah its cute her FWB is riding her other dragon but its weird she isn’t having alarms ringing in her head. Then why are yall making her sound like a 17 year old ‘we can stay here forever’, sis do you even like the North? You’re dragons are low key dying in this area lmao. And its just cringy. Why can’t yall show Jon/Dany talking to each other. Telling each other about their lives. Why is it just cringy fan fiction bs??? Even I’m like let me try get into this rl but they offer nothing and the chem is just not there between these actors. Its not there fault but its hard to even like them when we do not get more intimate moments with them getting to know the other. 

Now lets talk about Dansa. I believe Dany thought Sansa would be more warm to her but once Sansa said ‘Winterfell is yours’ Dany knew, Sansa doesn’t like her. She’s not here because she believes in Dany. Sansa is doing this because she HAS to. And that pissed Dany off. And I think Dany doesn’t like how Sansa brings up stuff in the meetings too. They should be brought up and Dany is like ugh this girl hates me lmao. Its interesting to me because I’m pretty sure this is the first time Dany has to communicate with other rulers/kinda queens. 

I feel like Dany’s journey before Westeros, people bowed down to her or worshipped/believed in her quickly. But in Westeros that’s not how its going to be especially considering her family history. She will have to earn their respect/belief and I think so far Dany hates it and not use to it taking so long. Even with Jon she said Sansa has to respect me or...XD. Listen I’m not saying Dany was threatening to exile or burn Sansa but you can tell she getting impatient. 

I am looking forward to Dansa scenes next episode though. Was this Dany’s episode? A little but I believe like Sam the colored glasses are falling off and she is realizing its not going to be easy. None of it is.

Bran: I really love how Bran is showing more emotion than he did last season. He seemed more emotional reuniting with Jon, got frustrated when they weren’t focusing on the threat. It’s showing that Bran is not dead. He is still in there. What I enjoyed the most about this episode is that it showed that Bran knows what needs to be done. It makes you wonder if he can see into the future or knows something? He knew to wait for Jaime already. It just makes you wonder...how far in the future can Bran see into and what time travel shit is going to happen lol. 

I believe Bran has one goal to defeat the NK and he is going to tell everyone to shut the hell up and get to work. What I didn’t like with Bran was how he said Jon isn’t my brother, you tell him. Does Bran have some resentment towards Ned? Is he going to treat Jon differently a bit? Did he say that because he already knows what will happen???? I just have a lot of questions yall -

Jon: *sighs* There are two well maybe 3 possible reasons for Jon’s behavior. 

1) He has some sort of agenda

2) He just a Northern Fool making the same mistakes Ned/Robb made, death didn’t change him and that’s D&D’s fault.

3) He is a Northern fool BUT the battle of winterfell will shake and fuck him up sm that it will guide him on a path to make better decisions, and growth. 

I loved Jon’s scenes with Arya, Bran, and Sansa. Jon hugging Bran so tight and joking about him being a man now. Then with Arya holding her tight, crying. It was SO emotional. I feel like with both Bran and Arya he saw they are them but have changed just like Jon. He loves all his siblings sm and Ik in his heart the choices he makes is because he doesn’t want to lose them. 

I also enjoyed his scenes with Sansa. I always said since s6, Jon/Sansa show sm vulnerability with their eye contact and emotional reactions, this episode proved its still there. Sansa bringing up her resentment towards Jon bending the knee, him trying to convince her that Dany is good, but then we get that moment we’re he is like do you have faith in me still? And Sansa eyes looked teary and said of course. It shows Jon just wants Sansa to believe and have faith in him. And Sansa just wants to protect the family, which includes Jon, and is sadden Jon doesn’t well not respect her opinion but still doesn’t take her advice to heart? And I feel this showed when he was badmouthing Sansa to Arya and Dany. 

I mean it makes sense to Dany he would be like she didn’t like me growing up, to cool Dany down that Sansa is hard to get to know....but with Arya...it was like he wanted another fam member to agree with him. That Sansa is an arrogant, thinks she smarter bitch and knows nothing. Then when he got a different reaction from a more mature, older Arya, I think it shooked him. He even mentioned Sansa needs remember I am her family. It’s like Jon thought he was in a different time. That its s1 and they all are children. But once Arya defends Sansa, Jon realizes woah things are different, we all are different. It just shows Jon still has some resentment towards Sansa like Arya did last season with Sansa but they all have to move on. Jon still is seeking approval like Tyrion kinda with the Lannisters but they need to stop and move on. 

Jon’s relationship with Dany is up and down for me. I love him getting to know other Targaryen, like in the dragonpit scene in s7 and them riding dragons together but the romantic aspect of their relationship if off to me like I said in the Dany part. They never talk. Yes they talk business, and they say fanfic things but I want an ACTUAL intimate, conversation when they are talking about the past, present, and future. They are trying to understand each other. WHERE THE HELL IS THAT?? 

I loved Jon riding a dragon and his experience was so realistic except I would be having a panic attack after and Dany would have to give me my pill and hold me lmao but I still don’t like how they don’t have a real talk. Also, Jon never defends her in public too???? All he says is I had no choice. BITCH SHE LITERALLY SAID I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO SAY I BEND THE KNEE TILL AFTER WAR DUMBASS-

i’m sorry jon stans but its true. there are just so many times you can say he is doing it for greater good. it just seems like jon caused more drama. then not having a reaction to what sam’s fam went through??? your bff’s fam?? And being like that would be treason, and being like I executed men before. Yes you have Jon but in certain situations. When they are being disrespectful assholes. I’m not saying what Dany did was wrong or right  but we all know the character of Jon Snow. I don’t think he would actually burn someone with a dragon except if he HAS to or he lost his mind. I like the idea of Jon losing his mind but we can’t have nice things in this show djhjfhlfk. 

the reveal again was overpowered by sam and I feel like Jon believed it too easily. yes he knows sam would never lie but he should have stomped over to bran right after. its just TOO EASY. 

Listen, Jon and Dany are flawed characters. I still like them but I’m also not afraid to call them out on some things I don’t agree with. Idc they are song of ice and fire lmao XD

Theon: My boi Theon came through. He is going to fight for the Starks and die for them like he SHOULD HAVE. That’s all I have to say. Also THEONSA MIGHT RISE YALL-

Euron: This Euron is no book!Euron but this man still confuses me lmao. Like he acts like he is in POTC, all he wants to do is fuck the queen which I think is code for I want her to have my baby then ima kill her ass. Like if he actually outwits/kill cersei….I will be mad but also be like well that was expected???

Bronn: This is so predicable I can’t even right now. He’s either going to kill one or both or the Lannister bros , get killed or fight with them. If there’s some other twist? COOL. but rn i’m like really? You want me to believe that Jaime or Tyrion will fucking die by Bronn’s hands? Crossbow imagery is fucking high grade A+ Lannister tragedy excellence but Cersei should pull the trigger not fucking Bronn.

Jaime: Book!Jaime is pulling through rn. I’m not one of those people who are like he is on a redemeption arc. Jaime doesn’t have to do that. But I am interested with his rl with Bran, Brienne, and what he does. Also, I hope he is like Dany sis your father was crazy XD

Cersei: I felt bad when my girl had to fuck Euron. Cersei is on that S3 Azula energy. She is losing her MIND and knows she is losing. And it’s making her more crazier. Then the fact that Jaime left her too. It reminds me when Zuko went on Team Avatar side and Azula was like FUCK YOU TRAITOR I’LL MEET YOU AT DAWN FOR THE FIGHT OF THE CENTURY ASSHOLE XD

Also, Azula lost her mind when Ty Lee and Mai betrayed her too. Cersei has NO one like Azula did and now she is just losing it. I really hope she has more of a plan and is not just going to make impulsive choices then die for it. I need one last thing from Cersei. Kill Euron in bed, do something.

Sansa: It’s funny because Arya seems the most happiest rn while Sansa is more anxious and protective. Sansa is not happy Dany is here. I want to compare this situation to something yall might understand more. 

Modern AU TIME: The stark siblings parents have died and unfortunately the oldest brother Robb has died as well. Robb has the left Jon the Stark family home. Now Jon’s name might be on the deed but he makes mistakes, leaves, and Sansa who cares a lot about the home/family runs it. Then one day Jon comes back and says hey I got married to this girl you never met, her name is Dany, also she owns the house with me now, and will stay with us. Now would you be 110% accepting or would you have some resentments and wary? 

YOU WOULD BE LIKE WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOME? JON WHERE WERE YOU? WHY DIDN’T YOU SEND A TEXT? WHAT YOU MEAN YOU BEND THE KNEE??? WHAT THE FUCK-

We all know Dany can be sweet and loving but Sansa doesn’t know that. Sansa is one of the last political savvy characters on this show. She said it last season, Dany is here for the throne. She wants people to bend the knee. North is one of those kingdoms. Yes, Dany said she would fight for the North but Sansa isn’t Jon. She doesn’t know Dany and just looks at the facts. 

What I find funny again too because this Dansa war is hilarious is that when Sansa says something in public that is also shady to Dany...its also a subject that needs to be brought up. It’s not like Sansa is saying your a stupid bitch in public. She is saying we need feed everyone and I wasn’t counting on your soldiers and dragons. What do your dragons eat? Dany comeback was KILLER but we also see the dragons are NOT happy and NOT getting enough of food. 

Also, I find it hilarious because last season some of us were mentioning Sansa preparing the North, and some were like that doesn’t matter. But it does???? Which makes sense but I’m also shocked they mentioned it. I think this Dansa war will end but them having conflict isn’t shocking. They have sm in common but they are also very different individuals. Could Sansa be more nice to Dany? Yes, but she’s Sansa and after her experience I can see why she isn’t accepting to Dany. At a young age she was accepting to Lannisters and looked what happened.

I loved Sansa/Tyrion reunion. I loved how Tyrion praised Sansa, how Sansa said sorry even though she didn’t have to, but also her shading Tyrion. It was the BEST. And I think it made Tyrion be like oh shit maybe she right- XD

I already talked about Jon/Sansa scene but again it shows Sansa cares for family/home and it saddens her Jon doesn’t take her advice to heart. Also, I did love she had the guts to say did you bend for the good or cuz you like her? Cuz business and feelings always gets mixed up. It also teases that Sansa is basically saying you did the opposite of what I told you again, you are following robb/ned mistakes.

Some might be annoyed at Sansa like some might be annoyed by Dany but I think this episode showed that Sansa is protective of her family and is doing her duty has a Stark. 

White Walkers: I don’t even know what to say to that. Some say it looks like a Targaryen sigil maybe who knows. I’m just going to wait and see how they explain the WWs.

Basically this episode was a good start to the impending doom but shows it’s not going to be easy for any of them. 

(btw we all have different opinions, i’m okay with talking and agreeing to disagree but no hate please :) )

[ch-sy]

It's taken me like 6 years to realize that some men just really ain't shit

I haven't been able to talk about this to anyone in my RL about this because of my social circle and knowing it would cause a bad situation to spiral out worse but I gotta go off sis..

So, almost like 2 years ago I was living in a rented house with my boyfriend and our two roommates (who were also guys.) ONE of these roommates was really chill and like, minded his own business and didn't cause any shit or anything. My boyfriend and I were really comfortable living with him pretty much right off. But the 2nd one was literally one of the most twisted, conniving motherfuckers I have ever had the misfortune of crossing paths with in my entire life. Just for starters, we didn't know this guy had killed someone before. A really long story short, his house had been broken into before because someone found out he had a safe in it with like 10k stashed. So they tried robbing him in the middle of the night-- he winded up shooting one of them and killing the guy. Anyways, we didn't know about this until like 3 months after he had moved in.. well.. then he started acting really nice toward me and from my boyfriend's perspective on things, started either giving him the cold shoulder or he would almost be fakely nice to him.

This motherfucker spent like almost 5 months trying to drive a wedge between me and my boyfriend, he tried to get me fucked up on ecstasy when we went on a beach trip to try and take advantage of me while my boyfriend wasn't there because he was working all weekend. Once he realized he couldn't get me he literally got together with one of my BEST FRIENDS and coworkers to try and piss me off (it worked, but only because by then I knew exactly what he was doing and even tried warning her that he was.) She didn't listen, and once he realized that he wasn't getting to me he started treating her terrible and cheated on her cause he's a real winner. By the end of things, my boyfriend and I decided the living situation was entirely too toxic and we broke our lease just to get away from him. The scumbag waited until my boyfriend wasn't home one day working and I was off to have his friend come over and help him pack his shit up, while they were in his room lowkey yelling about shooting all of us over it. We got out of the house and thankfully, we haven't seen shitstick again. Thank u, next

So NOW.. we're in a living situation with my boyfriend's co-worker, who at first- once again, seemed really chill mind you. I met his wife long before we moved in and we all got along really well, I thought it would be nice to live with another chick too.. whatever.

Over the past few weeks, his wife and I have gotten really close with each other so she's started opening up to me when talking about things. She told me that she's never been in a situation where her husband acts so cruel and distant to her. That he's changed a lot just over the past few weeks--like so much to the point she says he's a completely different person and it's getting so bad that she's starting to want a divorce. She's starting to resent him for it.

New Year's this year, he got entirely too wasted and shoved her into the dirt out in our yard. Two guys who were over here got pissed and one of them swung on him for it (because you don't lay your hands on a female like that, especially not your wife?) Our roommate proceeded to call her his bitch while he was trying to fight these two friends of his (that are no longer his friend's after this incident, mind you.) It was a really fucked up night. I winded up threatening him and telling him if he ever hurt her again that I would do it to him and it was going to be 1000 times worse and had to console her to calm her down for like an hour.

He started acting right again for like a week, after that and then went back to treating his wife like shit. And me and her are really close now so everytime I see her upset over the shit he does, I get pissed off..

Something registered the other day from the incident with our first shitty roommate and I've started picking up on some things:

1. He didn't start acting this way until after we moved in (she's somewhat noticed this- my boyfriend has noticed this and thinks if we have anything to do with it, its that our roomie is jealous of our relationship because honestly we really do have an extremely stable one) like, for example: I get kinda annoyed when my boyfriend has to work late. I was never like that before but I'm 6 months pregnant and so, like.. I need him around more than ever right now. He's understanding of this and so a lot of the time when I ask for him to come home, he does. Our roommate came in one day after this happened and was like "how come it's that she gets mad when her man isn't home but mine doesn't give a shit- what is that?" And we just kinda laughed it off because I figured he was just making fun of me for bitching.. but like, he does it all the time and I've picked up on it a lot more.

He's constantly comparing me and his wife, he came in one day long before my boyfriend got off work because my boyfriend is a foreman so he usually has to stay later than the others, and was like "there's a bunch of beautiful women in MY house" and it kinda rubbed me wrong when he said it, but once again, I wrote it off as nothing.

By now, our roommate and his wife are fighting almost every night. He's started refusing to take care of their 7 month old child unless she bitches him out to or begs him to (and--that's your fucking child bro, nobody should have to beg you to take care of your little girl.) He's been lowkey doing things to like, assert his dominance over his wifw I guess. It's really fucked up, like one day me and my boyfriend were gonna drop her off at work cause her car is broke and a lot of the time she has to walk.. and one day when we offered, he winded up calling us to be like "im home now so don't worry about taking her, I got it" and then PROCEEDED TO MAKE HER WALK TO WORK CAUSE "IT WAS A NICE DAY" girl I wanted to punch him in his face right then once I found out. To top this all off, she thinks he might be cheating now.

It's just collectively a bunch of shit that can't be ignored and I don't know how to deal with it. It's not my relationship but it's starting to affect me and my boyfriend's because they work together and our roommate has been doing so much fucked up shit lately (and seeing how he treats his wife) makes me paranoid about my boyfriend even being around him. Not because I don't trust him, but because I don't trust our roommate anymore.

And now I'm highkey wondering if he's got some sort of bullshit thing for me because of what's happened before. It's like weird flex but ok but I'm being serious.

I don't know if I should tell my boyfriend that I think it might be a possibility and we need to move out or not. It's a catch 22 because I could tell him and possibly ruin their friendship and work relationship (maybe for just being paranoid) or I could just not say anything, wait it out and possibly allow my friend's relationship to deteriorate. I know it's not really my problem and regardless of any of it--if he's that kind of person, it won't last anyway because he's a shithead and his true colors are coming out..

Either way, this entire situation has got me stressed out as fuck, I don't feel comfortable living here anymore and I'm pregnant and shouldn't be dealing with anymore stress than I already have to. I dont know what to do or I'm supposed to do cause..

[killian-whump]

But "carrying a show" also refers to being a lead character and main cast member, which Jen qualifies as. Same as Colin, as Bobby, as Lana, or Ginny. I remember remarks about carrying a show from back in the X Files days. But it wasn't Gillian putting herself above David, it was just about how it is to play a main, key role in a show. I was at the panel, and that's how what Jen said sounded to me. But despite other context for "carrying" a show, the usual crowd is slandering and demonizing her.

Forgive me, I’m gonna answer all your other Asks in one post :) I would’ve gotten the other one in here, too, but I thought it was a solo ask when I first opened my box to it.

Honestly, Nonny, I want to believe you on this, but the only times I’ve ever heard the phrase used the way you’re saying is when, say, David Duchovny LEFT The X-Files and people spoke of how Gillian would have to “carry” the show on her own, because she was the only lead left. Uses like that could be non-insulting, but I honestly have NEVER heard anyone talk about “carrying” a show without implying (or straight out saying) that their co-stars either didn’t carry their own weight or they were (as above) literally GONE or unable to for some reason.

I just find it hypocritical that the small band of uglies going after Jen for this, and that twist anything she does, never batted an eye at the multiple fan pieces that Lana's promoted, boasting her as the one carrying ouat, the only good thing about it, the only reason for it's success, and laughed at those who found it disrespectful and egotistic. But Jen does what could be CONSTRUED (cuz like I said, "carrying a show" has another meaning) as similar, and she's bad? And THEY get to be mad? No

Okay, let’s not call people “uglies” Nonny. I’m certainly not one, anyway - and I don’t think you are, either. So let’s not use that kind of term about everybody who finds fault with what Jen (may have) said. I’m sure some of them DO have agendas, but some may just be people who genuinely think she may have said something out of line. Also, I gotta say, there’s a big difference between retweeting an article where someone ELSE says that sort of thing and saying that sort of thing, yourself. I’m being honest with you, my friend, I would think it was a pretty uncalled for remark no matter who on the cast said it. And that even includes Colin. I’d be horribly disappointed if I heard he said he “carried” Once - or ANY of his other projects. I’d probably fucking cry, haha, because I’m a complete and utter idiot. But ANYWAY...

It's frustrating, and it's hateful, and it's unfair. It's also ragingly hypocritical. The same people twisting and whining about what Jen said are the same people who positively crow with admiration when Lana retweets an article singing her praises, that throws every one of her co-stars, the writing team, and Adam and Eddy under the bus. I mean wtf? Lana didn't carry the show. No one person did. So for Jen to be bashed by those who give their fave's arrogance and disrespect a pass is just absurd

I totally get how you feel. Honestly? Part of my anger if Colin said something like that WOULD be anger at the people slamming him for it, because people can be SO nasty about this kind of thing. They forget that celebrities are REAL PEOPLE and sometimes they make mistakes, too. I mean, how could they NOT? They’re in the public eye so often, they’re bound to make a totally human mistake at SOME point when cameras are rolling or a microphone is shoved in their face. And people can be SO unfairly MEAN about it. It’s one thing to criticize, but I DO agree with you that some people go too far and are too nasty about the things they say. Honestly, I’d advise you NOT to engage with people who are being unfair, because they’re NOT going to magically BE fair because you call them out on it. They’re just going to fight with YOU... and then continue being unfair once they’re done with you. Your best bet is to IGNORE them and MUTE them and try not to let it get YOU down.

I'm sorry I'm ranting, but this is fucking upsetting. I don't like Lana, for several reasons, her seemingly egotistical dismissiveness of her co-stars talents and contributions among them, and I have been shouted at, called names, doxxed, and had my intelligence belittled by her fans for it - some of the very same fans going after Jen right now (even some you follow). But it's okay for Lans, and they get to be pissed about something that has another meaning, when I couldn't be? How is that fair?

No, it’s okay, Nonny. You’re being nice and respectful for the most part (and hey, we’ll forget about calling people “uglies” ;)), so I don’t mind listening to your thoughts and responding to them. It sounds like this whole thing is really hard on you, and I can understand that. I’m glad you felt you COULD rant to me about this, because it seems like you needed to get it off of your chest.

As for Lana’s fans... Well, as I said above, I don’t recommend calling people out and inviting further arguments, but I understand how frustrating it can be when people ignore the stuff THEIR fave does and belittle YOUR fave for doing the same. I mean, I can’t completely relate, because Colin is a Perfect Angel in every possible way (kidding! just a little levity to make you smile :)), but I do understand.how frustrating it can be. I really wish I had some better advice for you than to ignore it and try not to let it bother you, but really... that’s all I’ve got. By replying, by fighting, by calling it out - you’re AMPLIFYING it. It gets more notice, more attention, the more people engage in it and with it, so only AMPLIFY the things you want to SUPPORT and ENCOURAGE.

Honestly? That’s what I try to do, myself - and I’m not sure who it is you think I’m following that is going after Jen, because my dashboard doesn’t have anything like that on it. I’m VERY choosy about who I follow, and it’s generally only people who post either 100% Colin content or 100% Whump content - and never anyone who posts drama or real life stuff without TAGS so I can block it. I have OCD, and RL or fandom drama when I’m not ready for it can trigger a rumination spell that can go for hours. NOT pleasant! Anyway, I recommend you consider culling your own dashboard (AND muting people on Twitter, if you’re on there!) and taking control of your social media experience. Trust me, the trolls will do just fine without you watching over them... and YOU will do SO much better without seeing what they’re up to!

Anyway, Nonny, I honestly feel for you, but you might have to accept in this case that Jen miiiiiiiiight’ve said something a little naff and kiiiiiiiinda invited a lot of criticism. I’ve seen different positive and negative spins on what she said, but most people seem to agree it WAS said - and, well, I’m just being honest with you, I think she shouldn’t have gone anywhere NEAR that wording with a ten foot pole ;) But that’s okay!!! She’s only human, and people will forget about it as soon as the next drama comes up (which will probably be in a day or two, let’s be real). So keep your chin up and try to be positive! This, too, shall pass!

[akane171]

Yes, I am sure😅😂

Yuuup, definitely poor dude 😅😖

Well, the SPN fandom is a place of crazies and madness, soo🤷🏻‍♀️😉😂

Wasn't that the scene in the OG Naruto? But Shipuuden had flashbacks of Naruto hanging out with Shikamaru and Choji🤔 Ah, whatever, I'm starting to get confused😂😂😂🙈

Yeah, I never understood that either, like the Third Hokage even PROMISED Minato and Kushina to protect Naruto and showcase him as a hero😅🤦🏻‍♀️

HAHAHAHAHA that is quite ironic😂 But didn't the newest pope even speak up several times about ACCEPTING such stuff? (I might be remembering this wrong, I don't really keep up with what which religion is currently in favor of but I think he said sth a few years ago?)🤔😅

Yes, worry about you... Calling that "entertaining" is quite worrying😅🙈

Yes, RL is like that, NOT fanfics😭

😂😂😂😂 I suppose? 😂😂😂😂

Hmm, not sure if the theory will ever be addressed🤔😅

Yeaaah...Most fillers are annoying tho some were indeed nice🤔😅

Hahaha, they'd throw the most awesomest of parties😂😍

...Please don't remind me of Scott and Malia, that was just random and weird...🙈😅

You're welcome?😅😂

Naah, I'll accept suggestions but most often then not, I'll choose, so kinda yeah😂 Everybody else just gotta shut their cakeholes😉😉

Honestly, Keith and Jim are two of my absolutely most loved things ever right now😂😂 I could watch them be silent and make gestures in interviews all day every day😂😂 (Imagine those Space puppies meeting our Karamel Space puppies😂 I feel like Keith, Jim and Mon (and Winn) would get along brilliantly😂😂😉)

Uhh, now that you say it, Linkin Park fans really do seem to be Skillet fans, too🤔🤔 Maybe because the vibe of both bands' older songs is kinda similar?🤔🤔

Ohh, Sleeping at Last is kinda an opposite to the rest😂🤷🏻‍♀️ They usually have more calming even kinda sad songs🤔😅 You might know their song "Saturn" tho, that one seems pretty widely known🤔

Ohh, FictionJunction and Two Steps from Hell?😱😍 I'll need to check out the rest when I have time tho, I'm really bad with titles and names, so not sure if I know them😅🙈

😂😂😂 medical harassment, Huh?😉

Thanks😊

Btw, OMG HAVE YOU READ THE NEW CHAPTER SHE UPLOADED, LIKE, OMG, IT WAS SO UNEXPECTED AND AHAHSHSHSHSHDKFLFLFLDNDBDKSÖSÖSNEBEKDODLDDK I WAS TOTALLY SCREAMING AND HYPER-ENERGIZED AFTER GETTING THE NOTIFICATION😍😍😍 (already read it twice, but still gotta read again and finally get around to commenting🙈🙈) I AM STILL SOOO HYPED EVEN THO IT'S BEEN HOURS😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

XXX

Don't believe ya :)))))

SPN fandom made me realize how incest is popular in some spaces.... and my life was not the same since then....

I think it was during the flashbacks of their first big ass battle? When Naruto was for the first time remembering how their relationship started. I think? It was long time ago and I ERASED the memory of that manga/anime from my brain =='

And here we ended, with Naruto hated by the whole village and Sasuke alone, miserable and cultivating a big ass piss at his brother. Splendid!

He was telling some progressive stuff and then told some shit about Ukraine and well, pissed me off :))) but I guess he is better than the last two. What is not a big... improvement, but whatever.

I'm innocent! You are creating some weird stuff about me in your head!

Probably it won't. That's how the producers approach their shows *glares at the SG*

Scott and Malia was the perfect example of how they fucked up perfectly working ships (Stalia and Scira) for fanonship (frucking sty dia) and realized they don't have a ship for the main hero, so they put him with his FRIEND, even when there was nothing romantic. Ever. Because friendships between males and females can't exist right??? I'm still so pissed :/

Lol, best pals for lives xD Seriosuly, we need more weirdos in our lives XD

Yeah, and some of the other bands you sent me have that vibe too, I guess it's similar genre? Not sure, because aside of the Linkin Park, I don't listen to this type too much. Still good music :D As for Skillet, there is something in their music that doesn't make me their fan, but can't tell what exactly.

Nope, sorry, I don't know that song, bands like them are not really popular here and I have never really dug into them.

FictionJunction is just perfect. And Two Steps From Hell made a lot of pieces that help me creating the space opera ideas xD they are very... epic xD

medical harassment - fuck yeah.

Nooooo, still didn't have time for that, but will soon :D Happy you are happy and for sure LW is going to be happy too xDDD

[vardasvapors]

DRUNK LIVEBLOG OF THE AKALLABETH BC I PROMISED @rose-of-the-bright-sea​

Uh unfortunately i’m not too drunk since once again my job was to bounce everyone once the party ended but uhhh it is early morning and i’m still not asleep and i did just spend 5 hours dancing and doing shots so...

ANYWAY: first scene of the Akallabeth, remember how the edain were the only Men who fought against morgoth in the war of wrath etc, and when morgoth was defeated the Evil Men who fought for him ran away and conquered all the Stupid Men who were still living in the middle earth area and these men’s lives sucked and were constantly attacked by orcs and monsters and they were dumb and wild and stuff. this explanation is like 20 kinds of LMAO NARRATIVES but also not like, in a lying way, just in a framing way.

otoh the edain got given a giant island in the middle of the ocean as a reward for fighting against morgoth and stuff, osse and aule and yavanna did it. (valar: ‘have an island way out in the sea’ elros: ‘SOUNDS LEGIT’). meanwhile the elves of ME are long-sufferingly granted permission to come to tol eressea because their lives kinda suck. the difference in the tone of the edain’s gift and the elves’ gift is totally not noticed by the narrator but the fact that avallone was build on the eastern edge of tol eressea where it could be seen from numenor is. lol.

there’s this super gorgeous entrancing description of how earendil burned super bright so that he shone night and day and the edain followed him over the calm enchanted sea until they found the island of numenor -- andor the land of gift, elenna that is starwards. however we all know all this incredible rich storytelling stuff isn’t important compared to the tiny scrap of smugness that can be wrung out of making elros hate earendil and/or elves, bc everyone knows that no character’s narrative matters except the feanorians’.

elves of ME also brought all the edain to numenor and elves of tol eressea gave the edain a ton of tools and gifts and stuff to help build their new nation, but you know it’s fun to headcanon elros as a bitter chest-puffing supercilious self-satisfied little prick who finds these elves embarrassing and blinkered and their existence pitiful and tut-tuttingly Wrong. bc that makes sense and is woke for some reason.

the numenoreans became taller than all the sons of middle earth, not all the men of middle earth, so numenoreans are taller than elves. also they didn’t have a lot of kids, bc i guess population explosions on islands with almost no death outside of like 300 years of old age is a Bad Time.

also “and the light of their eyes was like the bright stars” hahahahahahahahaha lmao! kill me! lies down. does not get up.

WHITE TREE FRACTALS

the numenoreans are super cool and get to talk and visit with both elves of tol eressea and elves of middle earth, which seems to lead to the completely inescapable conclusion that numenor is a place where the peoples of all lands can pass messages to one another but this is never mentioned. the numenoreans could totally also have prob defeated the evil human kings of middle earth if they tried but they were totes peaceful -- at an undefined point in time. nice vague timeline blurring bruh.

instead they like, instructed the dumb middle earth men on how to grow grain and grind flour and make stuff out of wood bc uh i guess the middle earth men are too dumb to figure it out, for “the ordering of their life, such as it might be in the lands of swift death and little bliss” hahahahahaha this is the most condescending line in the entire silm it’s great.

then the numenoreans start getting dissatisfied with how they still gotta die and stuff. it’s vaguely described as being something to do with how even their long lives are still not as long as elves’ loves, but every time i read this it reminds me how pissed about mortality i’d be if my great-great-great-uncle who was totally allowed to choose to become immortal kept popping in to talk about how he got to see the cool millennia of my country’s history first hand and debate with my revered ancestral founding king. so.

however the numenoreans totally brush over these sorts of super compelling and sympathetic and valid points and instead just whine about how they’re A Bigshot Kewl Superior Race and HDU Say We Can’t Control Everything If We Wanna, 36 Presents? But Last Century I Got 37! because they’re fucking useless dumbasses.

The valar reply that Aman Will Not Make You Immortal, Yo, and also that elves being immortal and men being mortal aren’t rewards or punishments, which are reasonable points. they then go on to go ‘TBH shouldn’t WE be the ones envying YOU bc you get to peace out of this clusterfuck world, huh, huh whaddaya think about that. also btw the whole mortality thing is some Secret Plan To Fight Inflation eru came up with, and none of us will know it until you and a bajillion generations of your descendants are all dead, lol!!!!’ THANKS VALAR. THAT’S REALLY HELPFUL. GREAT JOB OF ACTUALLY ADDRESSING ANYTHING THE NUMENOREANS ARE BOTHERED ABOUT. KUDOS. i love dumb gods.

the numenoreans are super dissatisfied but instead of anything constructive the king decides to hold his breath and throw a tantrum stay king until he’s totally senile and his son is old, bc of spite, then numenor gets divided into the king’s men and the faithful. the faithful are also bleh about death but assume that the valar have some kind of good reason for what they said, because um, reasons, i guess. no one says if the reasons are more mindless dogma or more a grounding and strengthening faith, but since numenoreans sound like RL humans to a tee it’s probably both. the king’s men aren’t skeptics tho -- they just conquer and enslave and colonize and steal from middle earth, bc ‘the west was denied to them.’ some fans find this to be a ‘yes, but--’ where it’s not the best thing to do but sympathetic and better than those un-nietzschean faithful. i’m gonna assume every single person who finds this nod-worthy is as White as sour cream.

later on Ar-Gimilzor bans the Faithful’s language, sends secret police or smth to find out everyone who is Faithful and forcibly remove them from their homes, relocate them to Romenna, and corral and watch them, call them and the elves of tol eressea spies, chase them out of numenor, and force the faithful leader’s sister to marry the king. some fans still somehow think this was a morally grey and understandable thing to do because secular-culturally-christian libs are vile and have never parsed a history book in their lives.

Tar-Palantir becomes king after being secretly taught Faithful stuff by his secretly faithful mom, but nothing he does to fix things helps and he eventually dies young from depression. His daughter Tar-Miriel becomes queen but her cousin Ar-Pharazon forces her to marry him and give him the kingship instead. exactly how this happened remains unexplained! Boo! I want more details. Anyway Pharazon is a Fragile Masculinity poster boy and when sauron starts causing trouble he decides he’s just gotta go capture him and bring him to numenor to show off and stroke his ego, bc he is an Heir Of Eärendil and Respect Meehhh!! God this guy sounds SO UNPLEASANTLY FAMILIAR DOESN’T HE EH. (parenthetically i am delighted beyond words at how absolutely bang-on it is that the King’s Men, both here and earlier with the convo with the Valar, totally Do Not Mention the fact that they’re heirs of Elros, not just Earendil, bc that would be super inconvenient to their vision of themselves and their mortality grievance!! lol!!! i love it!!!! god!!!!!!!! *fingers and thumb in a circle emoji*).

anyway sauron is super smart and an awesomesauce genre-savvy villain and way too good for pharazon and he flatters him and manipulates him into making him his councilor and convinces him that the valar are lying and and to worship morgoth and slaughter the faithful by sacrificing them on.....hm....altars....as rebels and as scapegoats for all numenor’s Problems(TM)....>_>....lmao tolkien can be really fucking dumb and scattered about his mythology and religion patchworking, and yet the wokeness-masturbating section of fandom is infinitely worse in the most predictable ways.

WHITE TREE FRACTALS (this time featuring bonus BAMF and Super Awesome And Lovable 21 Year Old Isildur......have i mentioned recently how much i hate peter jackson......)

anyway when Pharazon has a mid-life crisis about getting old sauron also convinces him he can become immortal by invading aman, which he should totally do bc The Strong Do What They Will And The Weak Bear What They Must (remember this is tragically admirable if flawed, because it’s defying fate!) and a super armament is built to invade aman and ar-Pharazon’s ex-bff Amandil who’s secretly friends with the Faithful freaks and makes secret plans to sail to valinor to beg the valar to do something and has his son elendil prepare to go to middle earth to see the elves who are hunkered down there doing.....uhhhhh???? probably hiding from numenorean conquest????

but anyway when pharazon invades aman and chases the elves out of tol eressea and then tirion, he has a Uh-Oh I Think This Was A Bad Idea feeling but can’t back down now so he lands ashore and camps out around tirion and then manwe prays to eru to bail everyone out and says he will lay down rule of arda for a minute since he doesn’t know what to do, presumably a la ‘omg dad i fucked up and totally crashed your car,’ and eru solves this by getting ar-pharazon & co buried under a mountain until the end of the world (funny how so few fans ever address this thing re: tirion in valinor fanfic eh? oh yeah i forgot silm fans don’t give a shit about humans), opening up a big crack in the ocean, pulling aman and tol eressea out into space, turning the earth from flat to spherical, and letting the island of numenor get buried under the resulting tidal wave and fall down the crack to wherever. because you know overkill is great! also sauron is too busy doing an Evil Villain Laugh to realize he’s about to get drowned and he totally dies and has to make himself a new body out of Anger and he’s now ugly, which sucks for the fanartists.

anyway manwe saves elendil and his fleet (it doesn’t say manwe, but it does say ‘but the great wind took [elendil], wilder than any wind that Men had known, roaring from the west, and it swept his ships far away...’ which, duh) and they wind up washed up on middle earth, but totally grief-stricken over the destruction of numenor.

I can’t liveblog the rest any better than verbatim so I’ll just quote:

Among the Exiles many believed that the summit of the Meneltarma, the Pillar of Heaven, was not drowned for ever, but rose again above the waves, a lonely island lost in the great waters; for it had been a hallowed place, and even in the days of Sauron none had defiled it And some there were of the seed of Eärendil that afterwards sought for it, because it was said among loremasters that the far-sighted men of old could see from the Meneltarma a glimmer of the Deathless Land. For even after the ruin the hearts of the Dúnedain were still set westwards; and though they knew indeed that the world was changed, they said: 'Avallónë is vanished from the Earth and the Land of Aman is taken away, and in the world of this present darkness they cannot be found. Yet once they were, and therefore they still are, in true being and in the whole shape of the world as at first it was devised.'

For the Dúnedain held that even mortal Men, if so blessed, might look upon other times than those of their bodies' life; and they longed ever to escape from the shadows of their exile and to see in some fashion the light that dies not; for the sorrow of the thought of death had pursued them over the deeps of the sea. Thus it was that great mariners among them would still search the empty seas, hoping to come upon the Isle of Meneltarma, and there to see a vision of things that were. But they found it not. And those that sailed far came only to the new lands, and found them like to the old lands, and subject to death. And those that sailed furthest set but a girdle about the Earth and returned weary at last to the place of their beginning; and they said:

'All roads are now bent.'

Thus in after days, what by the voyages of ships, what by lore and star-craft, the kings of Men knew that the world was indeed made round, and yet the Eldar were permitted still to depart and to come to the Ancient West and to Avallónë, if they would. Therefore the loremasters of Men said that a Straight Road must still be, for those that were permitted to find it. And they taught that, while the new world fell away, the old road and the path of the memory of the West still went on, as it were a mighty bridge invisible that passed through the air of breath and of flight (which were bent now as the world was bent), and traversed Ilmen which flesh unaided cannot endure, until it came to Tol Eressëa, the Lonely Isle, and maybe even beyond, to Valinor, where the Valar still dwell and watch the unfolding of the story of the world. And tales and rumours arose along the shores of the sea concerning mariners and men forlorn upon the water who, by some fate or grace or favour of the Valar, had entered in upon the Straight Way and seen the face of the world sink below them, and so had come to the lamplit quays of Avallónë, or verily to the last beaches on the margin of Aman, and there had looked upon the White Mountain, dreadful and beautiful, before they died.

[secretfilesoftwitterrper]

Trigger Warning. Cyber bullying, cyber stalking, harassing, impersonation, shaming, depictions of s**c*de, r*pe, p*dophilia, assault,

Please for the love of god be VERY careful with who you share this with. And make sure if they share it with anyone else, they are also very careful with who they share it with. Make sure you trust them and tell them to only share this privately.

Yeah. There is honesty a lot of ground to over here. I mean, the all of this went on for years. Starting around 2010 to…2016? I’m going to try to write down every detail that I can remember, as well as information I learned years later. (Thanks to a guy who kept tabs on the this horrible piece of shit long after I started to not even acknowledge that turd man. Even made a blog about it.) My recollection of events may not be 100 accurate but I’ll try my best to remember.

There was this RP group known as #FUX or occasionally #TheClub. My stalker/harasser/cyberbully (who went by the name Ceno/Cenobite/Simon Palakon) often frequented this group. They’ve were around for a while. Actually from before I even started DCRP. Their style of RP was very different when compared to the RP style at the time. I guess you can say their RP’s were disturbing, god moddy, and triggering.

Needed to clarify that part of the backstory. I’m going to get into how I first clashed with the guy. One of Ceno’s characters, a Superman, wanted to lewd with a friend of mine, but they refused. And that pissed Ceno off.

So Ceno and his friends cooked up an RP plot to have her character r*pe the person as a form of revenge.  

Now, one of the members of this RP group, a “Clark Kent” preformed the act and pressured her into that situation. And he had the character beat up and just left on the ground. Now, everyone thought that was incredibly fucked up. So our group of friends decided to god mod back and “killed” that Clark Kent, all the while he starts quoting Jesus at us. And of course a lot of us had plenty of OOC words to throw at him, and I believe I was one of the most vocal.

So I told him off, blocked him, and told everyone else to block him.

That’s when it all started. Ceno created multiple accounts to harrass me and my friends, making false retweets, jumping into RPs, god modding, targeting my friends, and generally being a pain. We eventually just ignored him and he “went away” for a while. But little did we know that he was still around, planning probably the most horrible thing he’s ever done and probably the thing he was most infamously known for.

Several months had passed, and I had only recently been getting @’s from a very Ceno like person. I ignored it of course, until I found out he was using a RL photo of me on his Facebook page. Eventually, this person gloated but then claimed he was done with me. And of course, I believed him.

It was around this time, a Power Girl RPer named Chrisy Shears showed up, and we talked and became friends, because we both had friends who were hurt by Ceno. I was dating another RPer at this time. They were my friend for years and helped me through this.

When my ex and I broke up during that summer, and they left for camp, I was pretty damn depressed. It was my first break up and Chrisy came along and helped me. We got along. We joked. We got closer and closer. I opened up to her about a lot of my life. I was emotionally vulnerable and as much as I hate to admit this, she used this opportunity of weakness to pretty much seduce me and we wrote some lewd in DMs.

She got close to me and I trusted her…then one day, she told me about her uncle, who was her dentist. She told me he had had molested her when she was younger and that he had been released from prison. A few days later on the 8th of September, she wrote a suicide note on Twitter, told me that she loved me, and vanished, leaving the impression she had killed herself. She named me specifically.

This completely devestated me. Nothing really felt real. I couldn’t think straight. I blamed myself. I felt like I didn’t deserve to live. I felt like killing myself. Because it would be what I deserved. I would visit her Twitter page every day and just read her tweets over and over again. I’d read our DMs over and over again.

…But as the weeks went by, I began to notice…similarities between Ceno and Chrisy. I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Maybe my brain trying to rationalize the pain.

Someone named Emma, who was claiming to be Chrisy’s sister showed up asking for questions, more specifically, my address and contact info for a Coroner’s report …My alarm bells were going off. And then I did some digging. One of Ceno’s pals went by the alias UncleToothFairy. And I looked into the character and yup…a dentist. And then I came to the horrifying realization.

Chrisy was never real. It was all Ceno. And Ceno wasn’t stupid. Even though I tried to keep my discovery private between myself and my friends, he knew the jig was up. And then he proceeded to post all of the private DMs Chrisy and I shared with each other on the TL, and on a Tumblr blog, and the @‘d my friends with the posts.

I mean…that pretty much was the worst thing he has ever done to me. But this was honestly only the beginning.

Ceno would has constantly shift from admitting he made Chrisy up, to trying to convince everyone that she was real.

He targeted a lot of my friends, making false accounts of them, finding their personal information, stalking them, god modding/harassing their characters

He pretended to be my dad and made an account of him to harass me. He did this by finding his YouTube channel and screencapping his face.

He would constantly attempt to ruin ships and real life relationships. He found a girl who had a crush on a friend of mine (who was dating another RPer). At one point he successfully managed to assist this girl into lewding with my friend and then sent the DMs to that person he was dating. All in an attempt to get that girl and my friend “together”. Chances are, this girl was probably another alias of Ceno. Seems on brand with him honestly.

He did RP lewd with a minor and despite the fact I tried to warn this RPer about Ceno, she didn’t listen. And of course Ceno posted the lewd DMs on the TL. And I think she blamed me for it.

He typed up an RP solo of one of his characters molesting someone’s RL three year old niece…

As mentioned before, the art thing. He got one of the pieces of art I made when I was in…what, third grade…and made a account around it and mocked it

He pretended to be the RP account of one of my friends girlfriend and they started to do lewd before he learned the truth. They later mocked him and harassed him for “cheating” on his girlfriend.

He pretended to be a graduate from my high school. And befriended a lot of my high school friends on Facebook. Possibly to phish for more information. He even once impersonated my high school principal on Twitter. One of the many accounts he used to harass and torment me with.

Ceno’s motives were never consistent. He claimed it was retaliation for the Clark Kent incident. He claimed it was in response to a post I did called “RP Rules” (which in retrospect I should have called RP Tips, but I wanted to make a Fight Club reference.) He claimed he did it because I was an “elitist”. He claimed he did it teach me a lesson on “internet security”. Honestly I think he does what he does because he got some sort of sick pleasure out of making people hurt.

He harassed me and my friends for years. You’d block an account and he’d just make another one. You’d lock your account and he’d either try to Trojan horse his way in there or just patiently wait for the account to unlock before going after you again. And even when I stopped acknowledging me, he went after my friends. I’d beg them to stop interacting and stop acknowledging. Some of them did. Some of them didn’t. I would be constantly anxious that Ceno would do to others what he did to me. It all got to the point where the paranoia of who Ceno was and whether or not he was pretending to be a fiend or not caused a lot of friends to snap at each other and split off. There were even rumors going around that I was Ceno and I had made this elaborate cyberbullying scenario up for attention. And unfortunately some people believed it. And some people would blame me for any harassment they got. Every time someone became a target I felt this overwhelming feeling of guilt. It became increasingly difficult to trust people. I never knew if they could secretly be Ceno. And this paranoia would lead to me, as well as others, to lash out and throw accusations at people. It cost a lot of us good friendships. It was probably one of the most stressful, depressing, paranoid, and anxiety filled times I’ve ever had on the platform.

And eventually I had to go against what I wanted to do. I love helping people and I hate seeing people in pain. But I learned if I reacted, even if the bullying wasn’t happening to me directly, he would never stop. So Id see him do things and I…turned a blind eye. And I hated it. But eventually, he went away. From my friend group, that is. He started to go after other people and his last active account was last seen posting in 2018. And he still remembers my name. But he has left me alone. It did alarm me to discover that despite my paranoia, some of his accounts slipped through the cracks and did still follow me until recently. But they are mostly inactive.

The man behind @MULTiVersesNews, formerly @the_daily_rag, had actually spent years keeping tabs on the guy. Past the point of me even caring and has even kept a blog of the guy’s activity. The live journal is still up and it has information that even I wasn’t privy to. There is probably some cringe from days of RP past and some things I’m probably not exactly proud of, but…whatever. If there is something super bad in relation to me, I am sorry. You can find stuff about Ceno on there via the Nitwit tag or just searching the blog for mentions of Ceno, Basti, or Nitwit I guess.

UPDATE 1: As of May 25, 2022, it’s been brought to my attention he may be back in action. Which is why I’m glad I wrote all this down. I may post further updates and testimonials in the future

[zephfair]

Day 15 Grimmichi ficlet

Due to RL issues I didn’t get this posted Sunday, and unfortunately I haven’t been able to finish 16 or 17 to my satisfaction. Technically, most of them aren’t to my satisfaction but these are particularly bad.

Day 15 Detective AU only this isn’t

I wanted to write some great mystery-detective tale but I ran out of time. So have this fluff.

Ichigo knew he got a lot of flak about being oblivious to certain things that weren’t directly under his nose, mostly from Rukia, but what did she know. Still, he privately considered himself a pretty smart guy who was good at picking up clues from those closest to him.

Like right after the war when he realized that Orihime was starting to develop a little crush on him. He didn’t want to say anything to embarrass her, so he treated her the same as always, just a little more carefully to take her feelings into consideration.

He prided himself on noticing it so soon because it wasn’t a week later that she asked him to take a walk alone. Ichigo suggested they walk in the direction of Urahara’s shop because he’d gotten the message that Grimmjow had a made a trip to the world of the living for one of their regular fights. Ichigo never missed an opportunity to spar with the mouthy jackass anymore.

Orihime got a funny look on her face but let him lead the way. Then she confessed her feelings for him, or rather, blurted out that she thought about him all the time and wanted to be more than friends.

Ichigo tried to let her down easily and haltingly explained that he cared about her so much but as a friend and she would always be a valued member of his friends. And she deserved someone better than him because he didn’t know if he could have feelings like that for anybody.

Then Grimmjow bellowed, “Kurosaki, get your ass in here!” from the door and Ichigo turned to Orihime. She smiled, dimmed a little by her eyes full of tears, but then she nodded and said, “I understand.”

When she threw her arms around him, he held her waist gently and let her tuck her face against his neck for a moment. “You’ll find someone who cares about you the same way,” he whispered. “Someone better for you.”

“I’m glad you have,” she dared to brush a wet kiss against his cheek and then pulled back, still smiling bravely.

Ichigo didn’t understand what she was glad he had, but he didn’t want to push her to finish her statement. He only smiled back and watched her leave.

An annoyed snort right behind him finally made him turn. Grimmjow was standing at his shoulder, arms crossed, annoyance radiating off him in waves. “What the hell was that about? You finally give in?”

“What?” Ichigo asked, thoroughly confused. “Give in to what?”

Grimmjow stared at him. “Are you serious? Your hormones? Her wiles?”

Ichigo shook his head. “You’re crazy. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“So you and little miss healer aren’t hooking up?”

“No! We’re just friends! And where the hell are you learning all these expressions?!”

Grimmjow jerked his head toward the shop. “I have nothing to do but sit and watch shit TV until you get your sorry ass down here.”

“Well, stop watching whatever it is and learn something better.”

“Stop running around with every woman you meet and making me wait and I won’t have to.”

“My life doesn’t revolve around you, you know.”

“Yeah. I know.”

Grimmjow turned on his heel and headed back inside. Ichigo wondered why he suddenly seemed pissed but decided it didn’t matter. Sparring was always better when Grimmjow had a hissy fit anyway.

*******

After graduation, Ichigo took a part-time job at a coffee shop and it was there he met Himari. She was pretty and bubbly and way more outgoing than most of the girls Ichigo knew. She was friendly and often brought him snacks or shared when she brought extra lunch and talked about things she liked to do after work.

Then she surprised him with tickets to a concert for a band he’d mentioned he liked. Ichigo talked about it to Grimmjow the next time they met to spar.

“The concert’s next week. I think maybe she’s starting to like me.”

Grimmjow ran his hand over his face. “You really think,” he said flatly.

“I’m not usually wrong about these things,” Ichigo admitted.

Grimmjow looked like he was about to choke but he asked, “Are you going with her?”

“She’s fun and she’s nice, but...” Ichigo had thought about it. He couldn’t imagine what she would think about his double life as a substitute Shinigami. She’d probably think he was certifiable if he ever spoke about everything he’d gone through in Soul Society. No, he just couldn’t go out with someone if he had to hide so much about himself. “She’s not what I’d look for if I wanted to date.”

Grimmjow scuffed a rock with the toe of his boot and kicked it out of sight. “What’s wrong with her? She ugly?”

“No! Not at all actually,” Ichigo shrugged. “And it’s really flattering that she remembers stuff I like and all but I’m just not interested.”

“You’re a fucking weirdo,” Grimmjow informed him but Ichigo just bumped his shoulder.

“Takes one to know one.”

The bump turned into a shove from Grimmjow and then a push from Ichigo then a struggle until Grimmjow secured him in a headlock. “You calling me a fucking weirdo, Kurosaki?”

“At least we’re fucking weird together,” he choked out.

Grimmjow let him go so suddenly he stumbled. “Yeah. That,” Grimmjow mumbled and wandered off toward the ladder out of Urahara’s training ground.

*******

Ichigo tried to politely put off Himari without actually coming out and saying it. But he did tell her that he’d be busy the night of the concert so she should find someone else to go with. She looked very disappointed but didn’t push things.

The day of the concert Ichigo looked up in shock at the last customer in his line. Grimmjow stood there, somehow looking even more punk in a gigai and all his sullen glory. His hair was slicked perfectly, his jeans were tight and his shirt was unbuttoned far too low. The girls were already whispering among themselves and taking turns staring.

“Can I help you?” Ichigo was forced to ask since everyone was watching and listening. “Sir?” he coughed out.

Grimmjow’s rakish grin was slow and very wide. Ichigo heard one of the girls let out a little squeal. But Grimmjow only had eyes for him.

He leaned over to rest his arms on the counter. “Looking pretty good, Kurosaki,” he all but purred. “Nice hat. And little dress thing.”

Ichigo felt his cheeks begin to burn. “It’s an apron, Grimmjow. It keeps my clothes clean.”

“Are you saying you get all dirty?”

“Coffee stains everything it touches,” Ichigo informed him. “Now, what do you want?”

Grimmjow shrugged and then looked behind him at the rest of the employees who were still gathered by the sink, watching. Then he smirked directly at Ichigo again. “I want you,” he said, and Ichigo looked down when Grimmjow reached out to poke his chest.

“I don’t get off for another two hours.”

“I could help you get off.” Ichigo stepped out of reach when Grimmjow’s next poke became two fingers running down his chest.

“I’m not leaving work early just to...” Ichigo didn’t want to say “fight” or “kick your ass” where his co-workers could hear so he finished weakly “do you.”

“Won’t you?” Grimmjow’s grin could only be described as shit-eating now. “I don’t know if I can wait ‘til later for you to … do me.”

Yeah, that really didn’t sound good, Ichigo winced. He risked a glance at the girls who were staring openly now and silent.

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked, trying to get the situation back on track.

“Nah, I think I got everything I need here.” Grimmjow straightened up but crooked a finger at Ichigo in a “come here” gesture.

Ichigo swallowed hard but found himself stepping up until he was pressed against the counter. Grimmjow leaned over until his mouth was right at Ichigo’s ear, and Ichigo shivered when he said lowly, “Come by Urahara’s as soon as you’re done. I got a surprise for you.”

Figured Grimmjow wouldn’t want anyone else to overhear him talk about Urahara, but Ichigo took a step back before he replied, “Sure, I’ll be over as soon as I get off work.”

“Looking forward to it.” Grimmjow gave him another smirk and a little salute and sauntered to the door.

Ichigo felt like he was sweating and his heart was racing, but he hadn’t even drunk any coffee that day.

Himari walked up and stood beside him, watching as Grimmjow left and headed down the street. “Wow,” she said in a quiet voice of awe. “Yeah, I can’t compete with that.”

“Huh?”

“Have a good time tonight, Ichigo. You deserve it.”

“Okay?”

Himari patted his shoulder and went back to work. Ichigo was relieved that she was so cool and not upset about him turning her down.

Then he remembered that Grimmjow had said he had a “surprise” for him, and Ichigo broke out in a sweat again.

The thoughts of what Grimmjow might consider an appropriate “surprise” haunted him. It could be anything from the a new fighting move to the spleen of one of his enemies. Ichigo really hoped it wasn’t an internal organ.

He was late getting out of work since they got slammed right before his shift ended and he couldn’t in good conscience leave them short-handed. Ichigo hurried out the door only to find Grimmjow pacing the sidewalk in front of the shop.

“What are you doing here?”

“We’re going to be late,” Grimmjow said and grabbed his elbow to propel him down the street away from the direction of Urahara’s shop.

“Hey, where are we going?”

“I told you. It’s a surprise.”

“Oh boy.” Grimmjow let go of his arm once Ichigo matched his fast walking pace. “You’re not going to give me a hint?”

“Don’t you like surprises?”

“Depends. You’re not taking me to Hueco Mundo are you?”

Grimmjow snorted. “Please. Would I do that in a gigai?”

“Good point.” Ichigo followed him in silence for a few more blocks. “Give me a hint.”

“We’ll be there soon enough, if you hurry your ass up.”

So Ichigo kept pace as they wound their way toward one of the old temple sites. Grimmjow climbed the steps easily two at a time, and Ichigo, still mystified, kept up.

There was a neighborhood festival going on, and it brought back happy memories from his childhood and summer festivals. Ichigo smiled at the kids running around shrieking their delight. Grimmjow was standing beside a booth watching him.

“Is this it?” Ichigo asked, and Grimmjow’s face fell.

“Is this it?” he repeated.

“I mean, this looks like fun. Is this your surprise?”

Grimmjow nodded a little stiffly. “You said once that you had fun at festivals when you were a brat.”

“I wasn’t a brat,” Ichigo argued automatically. “But yeah, I did.”

“And there are fireworks later. You said you liked fireworks,” Grimmjow said defensively.

“Cool,” Ichigo said and felt himself smiling. Grimmjow rolled his eyes.

“What do you even do here? It looks like it’s just kids screaming and eating disgusting foods.”

“Well, you’re not wrong. Come on, I’ll show you.”

Ichigo enjoyed himself that night showing Grimmjow around the traditional games and foods of the festival and laughing at his poor attempts to fit in as a human. There were the promised fireworks, too, which were a small display but colorful. Ichigo noticed Grimmjow watching him out of the corner of his eye so he bumped him and smiled.

“Thanks. This was fun.”

Grimmjow humphed at him and bumped him back.

They left after the fireworks and walked aimlessly in the general direction of Ichigo’s home and the shop. After such a peaceful and relaxing evening, of course it was his shitty luck that they would run into two Hollows that were also apparently out for fun that night chasing the ghost of a teenage girl through a park.

Grimmjow cracked his knuckles with glee. “You take the one on the right? I got the left.”

“Sure.”

It was over all too quickly. Garden-variety Hollows held no challenge at all for either of them, even with Grimmjow in his gigai. Ichigo slapped his badge to his chest and stepped out in Shinigami form so he could finish the Hollows with his zanpakuto.

One solid swipe took down his opponent then he turned to watch Grimmjow. He was bouncing and bobbing like he always did when he was enjoying a hand-to-hand fight, and Ichigo was going to yell at him when he went in for a killing blow.

Only Grimmjow pulled it just enough at the last second and it knocked the Hollow down. Then Grimmjow grabbed it under the appendages that could have been shoulders and dragged it toward Ichigo. “Here,” he said, throwing it down at Ichigo’s feet.

“Gee, thanks,” Ichigo said.

“I can still kill it,” he warned and Ichigo got the message, ending it with his zanpakuto. Then he turned to where the ghost of the girl had been but she was gone, probably still running in fear, he thought. He’d have to remember to come back and talk with her.

“Well that was fun,” Grimmjow dusted off his hands.

“Yeah. We should do this again sometime.”

“If you want.” Grimmjow was looking at him closely. “Or were you talking about Hollow hunting?”

“Both,” Ichigo said and Grimmjow grinned broadly.

*******

Ichigo started to put the pieces together after that. The new thoughts haunted him all night. He wasn’t sure exactly what to do about it, but figured that maybe his friends could help.

It didn’t take away from his enjoyment of his and Grimmjow fighting the next day. While they lay panting on the ground of Urahara’s bunker, Ichigo asked, “Got any plans for tonight?”

Grimmjow lifted his head. “Nah, I was going to head back to Hueco Mundo after this. Why?”

“I just wondered if you wanted to hang out tonight.”

“Really?” Grimmjow’s face did something that Ichigo’d never seen before, but he said, “Yeah. Why not.”

“Great, we’re getting together at Orihime’s. Meet me at my place at seven.”

“Oh. Who’s gonna be there?”

“Everyone, even Rukia. She got a couple days away from Soul Society.”

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“Why not?”

Grimmjow indicated himself with a little wave, but Ichigo said, “Nah, no one will mind.”

Grimmjow settled back down and stared up at the dome above. He didn’t say anything else so Ichigo left when he’d got his breath back.

Although Grimmjow showed up early, it certainly seemed like he was in a mood. He practically snarled when Ichigo appeared and his shoulders went higher and tighter the closer they went to Orihime’s.

Ichigo finally stopped outside her building asked, “What the hell crawled up your ass and died?”

“Nothing. We doing this or not?” Grimmjow stuck out his jaw like he was expecting to get hit.

“Come on,” Ichigo was completely exasperated but he led the way up to Orihime’s door. Chad and Uryu were already there, and although they looked surprised, neither said anything about Grimmjow.

Then Orihime popped her head out of the kitchen. “Hello! It’s nice to see you again, Grimmjow!”

He grunted in reply and threw himself down on a chair. Ichigo wasn’t sure how to cover up his rudeness but tried. “You’re not trying to cook for all of us, are you?”

“No, no,” Orihime assured, and behind him, Uryu and Chad let out relieved sighs. “Our special guests want pizza so we’re ordering in. I’m just putting together a special surprise for dessert!”

“Oh. Great,” Ichigo said weakly. “Wait, did you say special guests? Who’s coming?”

She smiled brightly at something behind him, and he whirled to find “Rukia! Hey, Renji! Wasn’t expecting to see you!”

“Good to see you, Ichigo,” Renji slapped his shoulder. “It was a wonder Rukia and I could both talk our way into getting a couple days off at the same time.”

“Glad you did!” Ichigo smiled at him and so he saw when Renji noticed Grimmjow.

“What the hell—”

“Be cool,” Ichigo hissed. “He’s here with me.”

“Oh. That’s—really? Damn, I owe Rukia money.”

Ichigo was lost. “What? Why?”

“Come on guys, we’re trying to decide what we want on our pizzas,” Orihime called to them to join the others.

The evening was not a great success, Ichigo thought. The others basically ignored Grimmjow except for Orihime who tried to go out of her way to include him to no avail. Grimmjow didn’t make it easy on them. He sprawled, he snarked, he picked his teeth, he was just generally obnoxious.

When the others voted to watch a movie, Grimmjow said he’d had enough and was leaving. Ichigo was torn for a second but decided to stay with the group.

After he left, Ichigo said, “I think I know what’s going on.”

They all turned slowly and stared at him.  Ichigo pressed on, “I think he’s missing his Fraccion. Maybe he’s decided to recruit more. But don’t worry I’m not going to fall for it.”

There was a long, long silence. Uryu and Orihime looked at each other. Renji opened his mouth and shut it. Chad reached out and put a hand on Ichigo’s shoulder. Rukia said gently, “Ichigo, you poor dumb bastard, how have you survived this long?”

“What? What!”

“Go talk to him,” she commanded. Ichigo started to interrupt but she kept on. “If one of you doesn’t man up and confess soon, there will be hell to pay.”

“I don’t understand,” Ichigo said.

“Obviously,” she gave an unladylike snort. “Now go find him and tell him what you just said. And listen, really listen to what he says back.”

Ichigo looked around the room but there was no moral support forthcoming. “You should go,” Orihime agreed.

“Fine, but we’re only going to end up fighting,” Ichigo huffed and left for Urahara’s.

He let himself in, wondering if Grimmjow was even still there. But he was, leaning against the door frame of the room he used, but Ichigo could tell his lounging calm was forced.

“What are you doing here? Why aren’t you with your friends?”

“I think we need to talk. Well, I don’t but there was a general consensus that I needed to come talk to you.”

“About what?”

“I’m not exactly sure.”

Grimmjow stepped back and let Ichigo into the room, shutting the door behind. Ichigo looked around but there was no place to sit except the bed, so he sat there. Grimmjow remained standing while Ichigo tried to explain what he’d told the others and why he’d begun to think about the way Grimmjow was treating him.

“You really are a dumbass,” Grimmjow told him when he was done.

“Rude.”

“But true.” Grimmjow peeled himself off the door frame and swaggered across to him. “It’s a good thing you never tried to be a detective because you’re shit at solving mysteries.”

“What are you talking about?”

“First, the healer, she’s been in love with you since way before she was in Hueco Mundo.”

“Bullshit.”

Grimmjow ignored him. “Second, that other girl, the one you work with, she liked you from the first day she met you.”

“You’re crazy, you don’t know—”

“Yes, I do know because you can’t manage to tell when someone likes you, even when they’re standing right in front of you!”

They were both breathing hard now, winding up toward a usual fight, Ichigo thought, until Grimmjow suddenly deflated. And Ichigo’s mind whirled.

“Wait a second,” he said slowly. “Do you mean...”

“I’m standing right in front of you,” Grimmjow ground out.

“You are,” Ichigo said. “But how… why...”

“I don’t even know why,” Grimmjow said sarcastically. “It sure as hell isn’t because you’re Sherlock Fucking Holmes.”

“How do you even know this stuff?” Ichigo said idly but he was staring up him. “You really like me?”

“I took you to see fireworks,” Grimmjow said. “I shoved myself into this meat suit to go to your work place so they’d know that you were off limits.”

“Wow,” Ichigo said. “You’re kind of bad at this too.” Then at Grimmjow’s snarl, he said hurriedly, “I didn’t mean last night. That was actually a lot of fun and I enjoyed it. Being out with you. And the fireworks. I meant you coming into work and acting like— Oh. Were you trying to make them jealous?”

Grimmjow turned his face away so Ichigo went on, his heart doing a weird jump when he began to realize. “I think they were more jealous about you. Two of them kept asking me about your hair and if your body was as good as it looked in those jeans.”

“What’d you tell them?”

“I told them it was even better. And oh.” Now Ichigo was putting the pieces together faster. “You really do like me.”

Grimmjow rolled his eyes. “I even willingly sat through a dinner with humans, a Quincy and not one but two Shinigami.”

“But you were such a dick, even for you.”

“The Shinigami were all over you. The big red one’s lucky he still has both hands.”

“Holy shit, you really do like me!”

Just like that the penny dropped and the scales fell from his eyes. It was like replaying all his interactions with Grimmjow through a different filter, one that let him see that although Grimmjow was always acting like a dick still somehow it was his way of showing interest in Ichigo.

In a weak voice, Ichigo admitted, “I thought all this time you just wanted to fight someone strong.”

“I do,” Grimmjow swaggered closer. Ichigo looked up at him. “It doesn’t hurt that I also wanna fuck him.”

Grimmjow settled right on his lap which was weird given the size difference but Ichigo wasn’t about the complain when he got his arms around Grimmjow and his mouth on his. Grimmjow held his head in his big hands and ground his hips a little closer as he straddled Ichigo. Ichigo forgot how to breathe for a while.

When Grimmjow started kissing down his neck, Ichigo gasped, “How long?”

“How long is what?” Grimmjow’s voice in his ear made him shiver uncontrollably.

“How long have you liked me?”

“I’m not answering that. But definitely longer than you’re thinking. Dumbass.”

As Grimmjow claimed his mouth again, Ichigo had to admit that yeah, he kinda was. But now that he was all caught up, he was going to enjoy it.

[roslinadama-sinequanon]

Major Crimes-Conspiracy Theory Pt. 1

Anticipation-three things I was waiting for in this episode 1. I wanted to see the rings. I wanted to make sure the ceremony took place since we, you know, didn’t get to actually see it.  2. To hear if Sharon would be called Commander Raydor or Commander Flynn. I’m hoping for Flynn, so that means it will probably be Raydor. 3. To hear Andy refer to Sharon as his wife or Sharon to refer to Andy as her husband. (I got two out of three, the jury is still out over Flynn vs. Raydor)

So, this episode was a light one. I feel like we needed a light episode after the past 5 depressing ones, however, I’m not sure it was the right case for a comedy episode.  

Granted, they were filming this episode long before the shit hit the fan with politicians and entertainers being fired or resigning due to sexual harrassment and assault issues, but, even without everything that’s happening in RL right now, I think it should have been taken a little more seriously. Or at least not had quite so much humor.

Honestly, I think it would have been far more interesting to have this be the storyline that pulled Sharon front and center rather than the trope, life threatening illness. I would love to have seen this storyline used to bring forward Sharon’s own experiences on the force with sexual harassment and also how she dealt with some of that once she was in FID. There could have been great dialogue between Sharon, Andrea, and Amy over this very topic and some of things they have had to deal with. Also, I think it would be interesting for the men to hear this coming from the women they work with and care about. I’m sure some of the things Sharon probably went through would be quite eye opening to Andy. This arc is not over, so I’m hoping, though not really believing, that we still might get some of this from our main characters point of view.

I do love the humorous episodes and I feel like the writers really missed the boat by not writing a classic ProFlynnza episode around Andy’s bachelor party. But, I suppose that would have been too much focus on the characters and the wedding and it would have taken away from the depressing Sharon illness storyline that I still hate and that has cast such a cloud over the whole season.

So, now on to the episode. I promise it’s not full of salt. There were quite a few things I enjoyed, especially considering we didn’t have any talk of Sharon being sick which was GREAT. I would love to be able to put that all behind us, even as I know we have more looming ominously ahead.

Onto the episode--

“Frank Boggs, AKV Security.”

Was it just me or did this guy seem to be a rehash of Dick Tracy? He even looked like Dick Tracy.

“Commander, what are you doing here anyway? I think we can handle an autopsy prelim.”

It sounds like even though they didn’t get to go to Ireland, Andy and Sharon did take some time off for a little honeymoon. I’d like to think they at least got away for a few days up to Santa Barbara or something.

Interesting that Provenza states “Commander, what are you doing here?” I would have thought he would have said “Commander, Flynn what you are both doing here, since I would assume they were honeymooning together. The only thing I can think of was that Provenza was more taking offence that the boss felt the need to come in when he felt he could handle what was going on.

“Nothing random happens in the Palisades.”

I guess I don’t know enough about the Palisades to get all these inside jokes. I do know that Mary lives in the Palisades, but that’s about all I know--and I’m assuming most of America and the rest of the world didn’t get the jokes either.

“Who’s Craig Curtis?”

Andy, Provenza, Sharon and Amy all know their football. Morales is the only one who is lost, after all “It’s not like he was nominated for an Oscar or something.”

“Tackles. Huge TV’s, big burgers, cute girls…Tasteless, the way they dress those waitresses there.”

I do love it when Andy opens mouth and inserts his foot-- and the way he trips all over himself trying to fix things once he gets that narrow eyed look from his wife. Yes his WIFE. He’s not sure if she’s really upset about what he said or not, but I like that she is more amused than anything.

“I should speak to the wrongfully terminated women.”

This is SO something bachelor Andy would have said.

“Don’t apologize again for sleeping with Aidan.”

Okay, so I’m not going to get into how my knickers got all twisted with yet more personal Gusty scenes--we’ve gotten way more of them than the other MAIN couple. What I will say is that when Rusty first starting seeing Gus, I liked Gus. I liked Gus a lot more than I liked Rusty and I felt that Gus was good for Rusty. I liked them as a couple. I didn’t really care about them as a couple, nor was I invested in them and I didn’t really care about seeing any  personal scenes between them, but I was okay with them as a couple. Last season I started to dislike Gus and when Rusty said “good-bye” to him, I really took it to mean good bye. Gus thought they could do the long distance relationship but Rusty knew it was over. And it seemed like that was the logical end of the relationship. Then, this season we have Rusty angsting over Gus, stalking him on social media and Gus not responding to Rusty. Get a clue Russ, the guy is done with you , just like you knew would happen when you said “good bye.” Only now we get more. We find out Gus has been sleeping with Aidan and that he and Rusty are through. Okay, cause I thought you were “through” last season, but, whatever. I really don’t care at all what goes on with these two and hope they stay broken up. This is not a good or healthy relationship.

“A gun…seriously?”

Really? Rusty just leaves his gun laying around? Hardly responsible gun ownership.”

“Man, this calendar is…” Sharon puts her hand out to take it away. “Very offensive Commander.”

Yet again, Wes is so much like Andy.

“You ought to show your tits now cause in a few years no one’s gonna want to see them and you’ll only get hired for your talent.”

OMG, your TALENT. How awful. This scene really hit’s the nail on the head, what with everything going on in the entertainment industry right now. What I found interesting in looking at the reactions of the team to this video, it is the men who are uncomfortable and disgusted--both Andy and Provenza have very visible negative reactions to the video, but Sharon doesn’t. She doesn’t seem to register much in the way of emotion.

I think there are a couple of reasons for this. I’m sure she has had to deal with sexual harassment in the past and this isn‘t as shocking to her as it is to the men. When she asked Jack for a divorce she even made the comment that the time for her needing his ring was long gone. Now that she was in a position of power she didn’t need  what little protection a ring gave her. Sharon is a beautiful woman in a male dominated paramilitary profession, so I feel like she’s experienced some of this first hand. When she was young and just starting out I’m sure she had to learn to keep that professional mask on when she was harassed. Then, she was in FID so I’m sure she saw and heard a hell of a lot when those cases came across her desk and that she probably worked very hard to make sure these guys got punished for their actions. This is the kind of stuff I want to know about Sharon Flynn. Much more interesting than her being sick.

“Gus is struggling to find a decent job.” “Struggling? Why is he struggling?”

First of all I love that Sharon is working on her “thank you” cards--and yes--finally a decent glimpse of the ring. At least there was some continuity with the wedding having taken place, and how like Sharon to get those thank you cards right out.

I loved the amused twist on Rusty’s lips when he tells her Gus is struggling. Mama Bear Flynn has her cub’s back, she seems just as “serves him right” about Gus as Rusty does. Until Rusty says this--- “Because when they stopped sleeping together Aiden fired him and wouldn’t give him a reference.” THAT got her attention.  However much Gus pissed Sharon off, he is now the victim of someone who is breaking the law and as such she jumps to attention making sure Rusty knows that Aidan’s actions are illegal.

I think it’s also interesting to see how far mother and son have come and how more open they are with each other. In a deleted scene (that shouldn’t have been deleted) Sharon wants to talk about overnight guests to the condo. Rusty thinks she’s talking about him and he’s absolutely horrified. He can’t even bring himself to discuss it with her. It turns out that she was referring to her and Andy , and of course he didn’t want to discuss that either, but it looks like they’ve had conversations about Gus sleeping with Aidan.

“Detective Paige, Amy. The man seems to have a thing for attractive young women.” “Well, we’ll do our best but we’re over 30” “You’d never know. Police work keeps you young. Look at my wife.”

BEST line of the whole episode. LOVED IT. Andy is SO frakking adorable. You know he’s been dying to be able to call her his wife, and now that he can he’s going to do it anytime he can. Loved Sharon’s secret little smile, you just know it gives her a little thrill to be called his wife. His beautiful,  young looking wife. And Provenza’s side glance. Very reminiscent of the looks he used to give when Andy started referring to her as Sharon instead of Captain. He’s thinking “Oh Flynn, you sap, you’ve got it SO bad you can’t even see straight.”

“Do you mind, Michael? Some of us are trying to solve a murder.”

This is the first time I’ve heard Andy call Mike, Michael, and I love the way Sharon dropped her forehead onto her hand, like, “Oh, here we go again. Do you really HAVE to get my man all riled up.”

“Did I make mistakes as a husband? Sure. Could I have been more attentive? Absolutely. Should I have slept with so many of her friends, probably not. Bottom line, I treated her like crap. I took her for granted. She left me.”

I don’t know if it’s just me or not, but this guy reminded me so much of Jack Raydor. He even looked a little bit like him. And I got the feeling from the look on her face that Sharon thought so too. I bet she was thinking “I can’t believe I used to put up with a guy like this. Now she has sweet Andy who treats her with such love and respect and who looks at her like the sun rises and sets on her. What I lucky woman.

And by the way. Where was Andy? He was the only member of the team not to go to Tackles. I would have thought it was because he hadn’t been cleared for field duty, but in Sanctuary City 1 he makes the comment that he can be in the field as long as Sharon is present and he was out in the field during that story arc. So, why not now?

“If I leave here today without your signature and a check covering two month’s of Gus’s pay, you have no idea how ugly this is gonna get. Or maybe you do.”

Rusty has learned a lot from his Mama. This scene really reminded me of the scene when Sharon Flynn went to see Sharon Beck in jail and laid down the law to her.

I will end with saying that we got another scene in Aidan’s restaurant when supposedly it was too expensive to film Shandy scenes on location. Those were two restaurant scenes that could have been dates.

Just saying…

[alleyskywalker]

Can ask about Natasha? After you said that she and Anatole are alike in many ways and explained why you like him, i was suprised you negative about her. Like, Anatole has most of her flaws and Natasha has a lot of of his nice traits, why such a difference?

Ha. Yea, this one has always bothered me because they are in fact very alike and I have some trouble articulating the difference. (Though, I have to say, the flip side of this is common - people who love Natasha often hate Anatole.) I don’t have the time right now to do a full and proper analysis, but here are some things that come up off the top of my head...

First, a lot of my affection for Anatole is probably mostly defensiveness/protectiveness. Tolstoy hates him, and for dumb reasons at that. Mainstream readers and large swathes of fandom hate him - and often for things he hasn’t done or traits he doesn’t have. And Tolstoy hates him for the things I find relateable and attractive - mainly that he just wants to enjoy life without constantly emo-angsting over the meaning of life or whatever. (Of course, same with Natasha, but Tolstoy loves her because, you know, women are allowed to be emotional and carefree and men must be serious and engage in copious amounts of soul searching-- Whatever.) So I’m a bit bitter there. And then everyone else often tries to shoehorn him into some stereotype he doesn’t even fit. Like people really want him to be a Wickham or a stupider Pechorin or Valmont and he’s not. So...yea...I’m kinda used to emphasizing things about Anatole that I like because I get frustrated.

More in substance, I think the devil is in the details and having more of Natasha as a character works against her here. You know like in RL when you meet someone and at first they seem really cool or while you’re just casual friends hanging out sometimes you just think of that person as lots of fun and stuff but then once you get closer to them or spend more time with them you find out things you don’t like or their quirks start to get on your nerves? It’s kind of like that. Natasha has more chances to irritate me or to do things that piss me off. 

Like, she does these incredibly stupid and self-involved things like when she burns her arm with a ruler to show her “loyalty” to Sonya (Sonya didn’t ask her to, there was no reason for it - she just did it and said it’s “for” Sonya - like, no girl, that’s not how that works) or when she’s like “hmm what meaningless tasks can I order my servants to do just for the fun of it.” Anatole does thoughtless things but nothing that I can think of with this level of petty, self-involved foolishness that’s just obnoxious. Maybe he would if we saw more of him, but the fact is that he doesn’t. Also Natasha gets the chance to do crap like shit talk about Sonya with Marya, which in those circumstances was horribly cruel, insensitive, disloyal and just wtf. It’s not unthinkable that Anatole wouldn’t be the most loyal friend ever, but it would be speculation. We can speculate but canon doesn’t really give us proof one way or another.

Also, seemingly minor differences that make a difference to me. For example, both Natasha and Anatole are pretty entitled and believe the world should love them. But Natasha comes off as vain (and somewhat preoccupied with what people think of her and whether or not they do in fact like her) and Anatole doesn’t - in fact he pretty explicitly isn’t. They are both emotional and flighty and clearly have commitment problems, but Natasha’s emotionality is overwhelming sometimes. She’s not just impulsive and a generally optimistic person, she’s hyper-excitable and just kind of over-the-top sometimes in a way that makes me roll my eyes. Like, girl, chill. 

Again, this isn’t a comprehensive list, but i need to go to bed. And, you know, yea I recognize that some of it is emotional. Like maybe the differences between them aren’t proportional large enough tor the difference in my feelings toward these two characters, but that’s just how it is sometimes. And while I’m not saying this is that scenario, there’s a reason why Bitch Eating Crackers is a thing, too.