#it must mean my presence can offer something that it wouldn't otherwise have

[sinhasaheart]

Manifesto

A HalSin fic written for and dedicated to @elba-stardo because he is so damn cool. BFF <2 Here's 7000+ words of HalSin trying to recruit each other. Reader discretion advised.

When Sinestro stumbles back into the central command post, he's a little dishevelled. Dried blood speckles the golden shine across his body.

Yellow Lanterns are the first to reach Sinestro's side. No better than flies buzzing around, they're a nuisance to Hal. Still, Hal's compelled to compete with them. Being accompanied in his focus on Sinestro is a newer vexation when rightfully it should just be the two of them alone together.

Sinestro waves his Corps away. Even though they are his army, sworn to serve, he'll never trust them or anyone else.

Taking the chance, Hal steps forward. "Where'd you disappear to?" Souring his tone is a trace of resentment. "You missed the big 'thank you' speech. It was very touching."

In answer, Sinestro unfurls his fingers, releasing a handful of bloodied yellow rings that clatter to the ground. Both Hal and the Sinestro Corps members draw back, equally startled.

"My Lanterns," Sinestro explains with an air of great boredom. "They thought it wise to challenge me. I taught them otherwise." These days, it's the only teaching he ever does. He glances to the Lanterns who remain alive. "Clean this up. And inform the Keeper. I shall join her shortly."

Of course, the Lanterns are terrified of their leader, scrambling to obey. Some of them are shaking as they prostrate themselves on the ground and crawl to pick up the rings. As they flee Sinestro's presence, they're tripping over themselves.

The scene leaves Sinestro rather pleased. Though he doesn't enjoy being attacked, it has provided the perfect opportunity to remind his Corps of their place.

"Does that happen a lot?" Watching the whole thing, Hal's been a bit bemused.

Instantly, Sinestro is on alert. Only concern shapes Hal's expression but that means little. Showing any vulnerability to Hal can't be allowed. It's a determination practised over decades by Sinestro, the knowledge of what Hal will do haunting him. He will not be tricked back into it.

"My Corps," Sinestro states, "answers to me. There is no weakness here for you to exploit."

The hostility is a bucket of ice water. All the closeness Hal cherished with Sinestro, regained during their brief alliance, has vanished. It's the withdrawal of a priceless gift, snatched from Hal's fingers without warning. Now he's left kicked to the kerb on the other side of Sinestro's defences.

Grimacing, Hal resigns himself. "So we're back to this. For the record, I wouldn't use it against you. I wouldn't even know how."

"Join forces with my most treacherous pets," Sinestro invites smoothly. "Kill me. Do it now while you assume I am recovering from what must have been quite the gruelling battle. Act quickly to end your greatest threat."

It's reminiscent of their past when Sinestro offered a solution for each of Hal's petty problems. Now the solutions are applied to problems that are much more messed up.

"I don't want to kill you," Hal says quietly. "And I don't want them to kill you either. You're not hurt, are you?" There is none of Sinestro's purple blood in sight but Hal worries regardless. An assassination attempt isn't something to walk off.

Sinestro turns his head away. "You will find no weakness in me," he repeats, tone as hard as steel.

"Why do you have to do this?" Hal's voice is rough. "I don't want to be your enemy."

In Sinestro's responding laughter is bitter mockery. "We are enemies, Jordan. You know that."

Soft red flares up Hal's neck while the muscles in his jaw clench. Though he's plainly frustrated, he says nothing, showing remarkable control.

Battle is simpler. Without Hal lashing out, Sinestro has time to obsess over the lovely blush of colour decorating Hal's skin. It's put there by the stubborn opposition Hal has to warring with Sinestro. Nothing can be more affirming.

Finally, Hal tries, "Your Corps is awful. Don't you miss trusting your partners won't stab you in the back?"

Pain shocks across Sinestro's chest, suddenly and violently, tossing him into turmoil. Hal is cruel. That cruelty bewilders Sinestro. It's as though Hal is unaware of what he causes, rubbing in one of Sinestro's most painful moments.

"Trust?" Sinestro's eyes glow with yellow light. "Nothing but a dream for the pathetic. You ought to know it."

"I just don't know why you keep them around." Hal is exasperated. "They're a liability... Why do you even need them? You could take on the entire GLC with just a stick and win."

The compliment soothes Sinestro somewhat and he twirls his moustache around his finger with a half smirk. "Of course."

What Sinestro really needs is everything his enemies have and more. Driving his actions is the spiteful desperation to be better than those who have wronged him and make them all regret it.

Sinestro fixates back on Hal. "Why do you remain with your Corps? You cannot enjoy the govern of uncaring masters who see little worth in you beyond a number."

"I asked first," Hal quickly points out. "You'll get yourself killed. And for what?"

Truly, Hal is atrociously judgemental with his familiar indignation that's a little mean and insulting to all Sinestro's decisions, but it's because he's upset by the thought of Sinestro's eventual murder. Underneath the condemnation, Hal wants them to be in the same Corps. He wants to be the one protecting Sinestro.

It's wonderfully honest and has delight blooming in Sinestro's chest. Considering, he ducks his head. "I built an entire Corps as your replacement and yet they cannot reach a fraction of what you were to me."

That stops Hal. Across his skin is a shiver like he's stepping on sacred ground.

Taking advantage, Sinestro presses forward, "You say my Corps is a liability. Had you been beside me, I'd never have needed them."

Distractedly, Hal shakes his head. He's still recovering from Sinestro's revelation, trying to decide if it's just another lie to keep him off balance. While he wants it to be true, he can't want it. None of it is right.

Without meeting Sinestro's eye, reserved, Hal mutters, "This is more serious than two rival sport teams."

"Is it truly?" Almost too close, Sinestro's stepping into Hal's space. "Why are the Guardians better than I? They have their own biases, their own failings. Frequently, you beg me to stop them."

There's inconvenient fact in Sinestro's words. Hal does tend to rely on Sinestro for too much. "Until you mess it up." Pained, Hal pulls his head away. "You always do. Trying to make it so everyone worships you."

"They should worship me," Sinestro declares, decisive and proving Hal's point.

Sighing, Hal turns his back. One hand drops to his hip while the other rubs at his forehead. It's hopeless trying to get through to Sinestro. What frustrates Hal most is that Sinestro can be so much better. He's seen Sinestro do incredible things. The problem is Sinestro just gets lost in his own arrogance.

Left to pine after Hal, Sinestro's eyes narrow. "Will you ignore the origins of this latest mess? Your masters have brought all of it about while I did nothing but help you."

"What are you talking about?" Drawn in again, Hal is puzzled. "Wasn't this just some random event?"

It vindicates Sinestro who laughs at Hal's expense. "Did Stewart not see fit to enlighten you? As you may imagine, I have already taken great delight in detailing all the Guardians' faults to him. I will not repeat myself."

"Why were you talking to John?" Hal demands at once. "Stay away from him!"

Blood thrums through Sinestro's veins as Hal is in his face. Everything about Hal tends to be an exhilaration and his jealousy is no different.

Smugly amused, Sinestro looks down on Hal. "Fear not, Jordan," he's teasing. "You will always be my favourite."

Heat warms Hal's cheeks and he's flustered. "That's not what I - Let's pretend I believe the Guardians have messed up here." Hal needs to focus. "Why would you bother helping fix their mistakes? You'd love to watch them fail."

Disappointingly, Hal is committed to his work rather than to shouting at Sinestro. The Guardians do need to be held accountable but Sinestro prefers they drop dead before interfering in the time he has with Hal.

Waving an airy hand, Sinestro dismisses, "I do care for the collateral of their actions. And..." He hesitates, flicking a brief glance to Hal. "And I care for you."

With just that, Hal's thoroughly taken. The breath has evaporated from his lungs, his chest is tight, and he can't think about anything that isn't Sinestro. It's a disaster.

That hitch of breath is caught by Sinestro who's watching with sharp gold eyes. Nothing can quite compare to even the smallest hint of Hal's true affections. Each moment of Sinestro's own power, multiple planets under his rule and enemies begging for his mercy, pales in comparison.

Sinestro wants more of it. Even more so, he wants Hal to surrender it willingly, discarding all that's proper. Surrounded by such atrocious scenery, a change for Hal can only be good.

"Stewart..." Sinestro muses. "He does not trust you." Anyone who is not Sinestro is unworthy. "What else has he hidden?"

As much as Hal doesn't want to, he can't help but think back, questioning everything. It's in his nature to be argumentative but now it's possible there's other reasons for him clashing with John in the past.

Observing Hal always, Sinestro chooses that moment to propose carefully, "Were you in my Corps, I would trust you."

"You'd have complete control over an advanced surveillance device on my finger," Hal reminds, not quite ready to give into the temptation of utterly losing reason.

Green light glitters as Sinestro snatches up Hal's ring hand. "Are your masters not watching us now? Hal..." With a grip of iron, Sinestro places that hand against his sternum. "I worry endlessly over you."

Deceptively delicate bone structure beneath Hal's palm rises and falls with each of Sinestro's breaths. To be invited to have a hand over such a vulnerable point makes it impossible for Hal to think of Sinestro as anything other than an ally.

It's a sweet poison, coaxing Hal too well. Aware of every cell in his body because of Sinestro's proximity, Hal knows he's being captivated.

With difficulty, Hal tears himself away. "You're trying to manipulate me," he decides. "It's not going to work."

Pristine white teeth capable of ripping out throats bare at Hal. "Nothing I have said is untrue."

Somehow, Sinestro has Hal hesitating again and feeling regretful that he's rejected Sinestro's passion after asking for it. Lowering his gaze, Hal surrenders the words, "I worry about you too."

Infinitely satisfied is Sinestro but also unexpected is his powerful urge to calm Hal's worry. He and Hal don't have to be kept apart.

"End this." In Sinestro's throat, the low tone has dropped to a purr. "Join me. We abhor our enmity. Allow us to never battle again."

So deeply does Hal tumble into the wanting. The promise of peace between them and their friendship revitalised has lured him in. It's got nothing to do with any interest in actually joining Sinestro's Corps. Rather, Hal's desire is directed purely at Sinestro and there's more than one way to attain him.

"You could join me," Hal returns, and he smiles. "If they try to throw you out, Sin, I'll just threaten to quit. A certain someone showed me it's good strategy."

The reminder of their past catches Sinestro's attention, distracting him from the disappointment of Hal's deflection. "You were indeed taught by a rather wise Lantern."

Unable to resist, Hal immediately jibes, "I'll be sure to let Kilowog know you think he's wise."

Vicious scorn claws into existence throughout Sinestro's body, taking him by surprise with the intensity of it. Both terrible and wonderful, no one else is quite capable of nearing the same impact Hal has on him.

"I doubt Kilowog even understands the concept of wisdom," Sinestro isn't fighting his urge to prove he is a thousand times better than Kilowog. "Nor do I recall him ever doing as much for you as I."

It's difficult to argue and Hal is subdued. "Kilowog's a little more modest than you are," he comes up with. "And he's already on my side. So how about it?" Hal strides forward and he's in Sinestro's space. "You can end this for us too."

The allure of Hal is the casual invasion of his hummed tones into Sinestro's mind. That effortless friendliness is disproportionate to the strength ensnaring Sinestro. Likely, Hal has no idea how unfortunately charming he is or he'll never stop until Sinestro falls at his feet. Forgoing all power, Sinestro wants Hal's protection as his only embrace.

Two can play Hal's game and Sinestro reflects back, "I asked first."

"You were with me first," Hal's follow up is quick, undeterred, and his white gloved fingers glide over the blazing emblem on Sinestro's chest like just his will can erase it. "That was good, wasn't it?" The other hand cups Sinestro's shoulder to pull him down and close.

Controlled by Hal, Sinestro's at the mercy of power he once refined. All of this is his own creation when he accepted Hal into his life. To have it turned on him is cruelly beautiful in a way that makes the concepts synonymous.

"It was good for me," Hal confesses. "Best time in my life. I don't know if you know that. We could've done it forever."

Remembering why his time as a Green Lantern ended makes Sinestro recoil like he's been struck, adoration corrupting into contempt. Whenever Sinestro forgets, losing sight of the moment forcefully embedded into his mind, he's hurt again. Forever, Hal will reinflict the trauma on him.

"Traitor," Sinestro snarls. Like his throat is parched and only retribution can soothe it, he needs Hal to suffer.

English can't quite capture the deep sense of betrayal and wrongness in Sinestro's meaning but every bit of it is spat at Hal from across the new distance that keeps Sinestro out of reach. Only knowing that Sinestro's view of the situation is a little self absorbed diminishes the impact.

In the following quiet, Sinestro is given a reprieve that he uses to grasp for stability, surfacing past his drowning emotion.

"You betrayed me too," Hal points out finally, tone measured. "Everything the Corps stood for. You threw it away like it never meant anything to you."

There's extra hurt emphasised in that final part. Because of Sinestro's betrayal, everything they ever did together became a lie. Sinestro was gone and Hal was left feeling like an accomplice to the whole messed up power trip, someone Sinestro only used and lied to and never cared about at all.

Naturally, Sinestro reads the worst into Hal's meaning and laughs. "Be honest, Jordan," he needles, smirking. "That I was gone upsets you most. The morality debate matters very little to you."

"No, it matters," Hal retorts. "It's not one or the other, you know. And I still care that you got hurt. I wish it hadn't happened."

Rather than gentling Sinestro, the confession only makes him more furious. "Why? Because of the trouble it's caused you? Am I such an inconvenience?"

When Hal moves closer, he's like a raptor stalking down prey. Both loathing and yearning to accept the presence, Sinestro holds still for the hand that strokes his shoulder.

"I think you were always going to cause me trouble," Hal says but it's low and fond as he looks up at Sinestro. Then he averts his gaze. "You needed better than me."

Tightness is in Sinestro's throat, misery rising from his chest. "I never wanted better," he tells Hal. "I wanted you."

It devastates Hal enough that he has to close his eyes, dulled green light coating his eyelids.

With the wisdom of hindsight, Hal knows everything he failed to do in trying to help Sinestro, a list of mechanical faults. That Sinestro doesn't care for the logic is more shattering than cutting Hal down with a dissection of every perceived mistake. Failing Sinestro feels like the worst thing Hal has ever done.

What Hal clings to is the fact Sinestro caused a lot of this by himself. He's the one who drove Hal away. Any reasonable person can expect their partner to not be terrifying planets into submission behind their back, and Hal can be excused if he responded with a little bit of vindictiveness.

Melancholy echoes throughout Hal's posture and the draw towards him is a conflicted sensation for Sinestro, ripping in with jagged edges as he's torn between wariness and wanting. Whatever Hal does to him, Sinestro can't break away and he's not even certain if he truly hates it.

Out of his conscious control, Sinestro's fingers snatch into Hal's hair. Equal are the desires to push Hal back and to pull him in. Sharp nails carve through Hal's scalp but Hal is shoving up into the punishing grip with a murmur of a sigh and seeking against Sinestro's neck for more of the contact.

There's no fighting it, no trying to stop. Captivated entirely, Sinestro's outside his own mind, watching his thoughts tangle around Hal. All of it's warranted, earned, and Sinestro will do nothing other than surrender to the inundation. His other hand traces down the fragile power of Hal's spine. If anyone tries to take Hal from him now, he'll kill them.

For Hal, in Sinestro's arms, everything is calm and perfect. As he clings to the life support Sinestro's giving him, it all settles into place like utopia. There's never been a time when Hal is more certain of where he's meant to be. It's like flight.

"Hal..." It's a breath on Hal's temple and the sweetest sound he's ever heard. "Be my best lieutenant. You will never be torn from my side. All will burn to keep you with me."

Guilty pleasure fills Hal's chest. The worst part is wanting that violent intensity, the promise that he won't be alone regardless of anything and everything. No one else gives it to him and for good reason. It's not right.

Because Hal already knows the answer, there's no moment in which he really considers the offer. He just doesn't want to break away, hopelessness overwhelming him until he has to grit his teeth against it. Most unfair is the comfort Sinestro's giving him, even with every unsure thought. The bliss makes it torture to deny it.

As Hal's trying to step back, he doesn't want to, clinging like he's caught by some gravitational force. He can't let Sinestro go and the whirlwind of emotion inside of him is destroying his grip on reality until he has nothing but the edge of succumbing fully.

With difficulty, using every scrap of will he has, Hal grasps Sinestro's shoulders and pushes. It's jettisoning vital parts of his body into the ocean.

Separate from Sinestro finally, Hal rubs his face in his hands and tries to pull himself together. He can't just run away with Sinestro.

That thought has Hal abducted, and it keeps happening. Welcomed into Sinestro's space is a world of contentment. Under Sinestro's wing is the best Hal's ever felt. To have it again will be a new height that shows how parched he is now, and refusing it crushes him.

Left behind, Sinestro is at a loss. Misery weighs down Hal's shoulders and yet he's rejecting his only abatement for reasons that remain unimportant. Sinestro has to soothe it.

Yellow light forms in Sinestro's hand just as he seizes Hal from behind, and he brings that knife against the vulnerable skin of Hal's throat.

"If you refuse me, I'll kill you," Sinestro promises the threat into Hal's ear like it's a sweet nothing.

Tremors wrack across Hal's body but he's not afraid of Sinestro. It's what he feels about his burning need to give into his limitless devotion to Sinestro that, he imagines, is probably the closest he'll ever get to true terror. It's no wonder Sinestro's so messed up if he feels worse than this for everything.

The razor edge of Sinestro's fear is threatening to cut Hal open but he just tilts his head back for it. "Do it then," Hal challenges. None of his options are looking appealing.

Muscles tighten in Sinestro's wrist. Ending Hal's life is difficult to contemplate and that's disappointing. Even a small cut, bathing in the blood, won't be worth it. What he wants is all of Hal and more forever.

Relinquishing that threat, Sinestro tosses the knife aside. Then he wraps his hand around the front of Hal's throat. There's a gasp of breath until Sinestro tightens his grip and buries into Hal's neck where the skin is of a gentle warmth like star radiation.

"Surrender." Sinestro scrapes his teeth down Hal's neck. "You need only speak one word." Lightly, he nips at the skin. "Say it."

Using the teeth further back in his mouth, Sinestro clamps down on Hal's flesh. It draws a hiss from his friend. When that trails into a chuckle, Sinestro bites Hal again, sinking in sharper teeth just enough to threaten breaking the skin. This time, Hal yelps.

Fingers stroke up and down Hal's throat so when Hal speaks, it's a pleasant thrum against Sinestro's palm. "Is this how you'd usually recruit for your creepy fan club?"

"None are you," Sinestro pledges, crowding against Hal to give no chance of escape. "Shall I detail how not one of your friends understand? Each of your talents are wasted. It will certainly kill you. Only I may be your saviour. You must know it already. Don't you?"

All Hal can feel is Sinestro. Rather than denying it and getting out of their doomed situation, he presses up hard against Sinestro's hand, the only anchor for his instability.

When Sinestro welcomes him so expertly, Hal's convinced he can always have it. Insatiable is his yearning to kneel for Sinestro, drop to the ground and offer all control. With his life in Sinestro's hands, Hal can stop thinking. Into relief, he can sink where Sinestro has every answer.

Mostly so he stays standing, Hal grasps for the hand that still has him by the throat. Perfect black nails stand out against his white gloves. Nuzzling for sensation, Hal turns his nose into Sinestro's wrist and up the protective guard on Sinestro's forearm. Given the chance, he'll shove Sinestro down and feel all of him.

For now, Hal just latches onto Sinestro's shoulders. "Come back with me," he requests. "If you're worried, I'll protect you. I won't betray you again."

Unable to let himself believe it, Sinestro wrenches his head away. "I will never trust you." It's a choked growl. "Whenever you suggest it, I ache to rip out your throat."

"But you haven't," Hal reminds. He's moving in on Sinestro. "Admit it. You miss me. You want this too." Losing his restraint, Hal's bordering on desperate as he grabs for any purchase. "There's nothing we can't do together."

Every lie Hal speaks is pretty enough to spellbind Sinestro, sending him into a world where Hal's willpower desires nothing but him. No well reasoned arguments are needed to awaken that longing when Hal is the lure. It hooks deeper into Sinestro than anything else, can never be doubted.

Lost in the fantasy, Sinestro's pulled into Hal. "Have you been thinking on it?"

When it comes, the response is swift and hard. "Every damn night."

Excitement flutters in Sinestro's chest and it's the strongest intoxication. Set alight is his craving for Hal to just take him away and destroy all his will in the process. Not only is Sinestro forced to search for how to deny Hal but he also needs to fight with himself.

No response is forthcoming from Sinestro, and Hal is aggrieved. "Won't you think about it? Or do you just hate me?"

There's an unmoving statue of a person before Hal and he needs to rip it out or shatter it to pieces. Though it's Hal's fault for battering against this brick wall, he still pushes Sinestro from him. The loss of contact is worse than he expected and he wants it back right away, can't keep his hands to himself.

Both of Hal's arms wrap around Sinestro's head, elbows cradling him, and Hal's nose slots perfectly alongside Sinestro's. There, Hal closes his eyes and absorbs the hot desert Earth scent that's all from himself.

Before Sinestro can do anything, Hal's making a gratified sound and rubbing his cheek against Sinestro's. Then he does the other side and underneath Sinestro's jaw and he's absolutely wild trying to leave some kind of impact.

Sinestro invites all of it onto him. Soaking in the marking, he's breathless, and he just wants to surrender to it. If it means he'll never have to let Hal go back to that dull life without him, he'll give anything, do anything, but there's nothing. Hal remains unattainable.

Despite the futility, Sinestro tries, "It is not my status as a Green Lantern you desire, Jordan. You want me. Join m-"

A hand slaps over Sinestro's mouth, silencing him. "Shut the hell up," is Hal's growl that's low and demanding with just a hint of teasing to offset that order.

There's no getting away from Hal, or his touch, or his presence, even if Sinestro wanted to. Green light, the light of Hal's will, is on Hal's fingertips, on Sinestro's lips, and Sinestro takes those fingers into his mouth. The taste is thick and warm.

Delicate and precise is the sensation of Sinestro's tongue as he licks up Hal's fingers. Just watching Sinestro appeases Hal. To imagine Sinestro doing it to another Lantern, whether enemy or ally, is difficult. Then again, Hal can't be sure. It's possible he's just the latest in a string of literal conquests.

Incensed possessiveness beseeches Hal to bind Sinestro down, wrap his arms around and squeeze. He can be the only Lantern Sinestro ever needs. Instead, Hal just withdraws his fingers and sucks them clean while Sinestro watches. None of it can distract Hal from what he wants, not when Sinestro is standing right in front of him.

"You joining me is the only way it can happen," Hal tells Sinestro. "If I join you, I'll be abandoning everyone I care about. I can't lose them."

A slight scowl creases Sinestro's brow. "I am the only friend you need," he declares but he moves on quickly enough and offers, "We abduct them. Force them to see reason."

It's so unrealistic that laughter bubbles up in Hal. "You get that I'll never let that happen, don't you? But you can't help it. You'd do something like that eventually and there won't be any oversight to stop you."

"Give me your oversight." The insistence from Sinestro is almost petulant as he traces a nail down Hal's chin. "I will take your opinion into consideration with every decision."

"You'd ignore me," Hal retorts. "I know how this plays out. The Justice League, we were in this other dimension... You ruined who I was there."

"How can I be blamed for the actions of another?" Sinestro is indignant. "He failed you. I will not."

Refusing to argue, Hal moves his head away, but Sinestro smothers back against him. The line of Hal's jaw is strong beneath Sinestro's fingers and he doesn't want it gone. If Sinestro only has to lie and murder to keep it, of course he will. The problem is no lie and no murder will get him Hal in the way he wants.

Sinestro's eyes close. "It will wreck me to be under the Guardians once more. Hosting Parallax was less stressful."

With personal experience in both areas, Hal knows it's quite the statement. So he can't argue, only insist, "Just try. I can help you, Thaal." He hesitates. "If you even want it. But you don't have to care. I'll still -"

One of Sinestro's hands envelops the side of Hal's head and Sinestro is curling over the Green Lantern he cares so much for. "I'd burn for your happiness."

Tight all through Sinestro's torso is the perfection he's lost to like he can't breathe unless it's for Hal. So irreversibly, he's craving the wreckage. Already ruined, he can just barely avoid grabbing Hal and begging him for destruction.

A thumb slips between Hal's lips and rubs against his upper gum. Overcome, Hal opens his mouth and mumbles against it, "Wouldn't you rather have control? World domination?"

Every part of Sinestro is presently narrowed in on Hal, admiring. "I'll have all of it."

"Giving Larfleeze a challenge." When Hal grabs back, Sinestro moves into him. It's a shuddering, all breath and wet. "Ophidian."

The accusation is swallowed by Sinestro and his skin is on fire. Everywhere is Hal, like a reverence. To be in Hal's thoughts, even as an antagonist, is better than apathy. Without it, Sinestro is nothing. He's weak and small like the Guardians were when he slaughtered most of them in cold blood.

Pressing the words into Hal's skin, Sinestro promises, "I'd offer all of it to you."

A soft breath brushes Sinestro's cheek as Hal laughs in his face. "Liar. You only want me in your Corps like some kind of collectible trophy to gloat over." The bitterness has no passion, only defeat. "You'll never trust me."

Granted, Hal will be the finest prize but Sinestro is wise enough not to say it. Nor does he say that he does have one level of trust in Hal, to make the right decisions and deny him so effortlessly even while he wants Hal to embrace him instead. He's starving for Hal's bad choices.

Nails rake down the side of Hal's face, leaving it stinging. "I'll write your name in the planets I destroy," Sinestro vows. "Every being will know it."

"No." The sound is strained while Hal is still latching onto Sinestro. "I don't want you to."

That constant denial wounds Sinestro. All Hal wants from him is the impossible, it seems. Sorely tempting is ripping Hal into tiny pieces over it but Sinestro has more self control than to perform such an emotional act. Instead, he'll cling to Hal and never let go.

The slim quiet figure is resting against Hal, face averted. For Hal to offer support is natural. It used to be he was the only thing Sinestro could rely upon, or so Hal thought. All his confidence about knowing Sinestro was shattered a long time ago and he's wary of ever being ignorant like that again.

"Do you regret it at all?" Hal's curious, tracing over the shape of Sinestro's ear. "You can't be happy with how it turned out. I just -"

When Hal falters, Sinestro knows he's caused this hurt, has broken down the Green Lantern recruit who needed him, respected him, and cared for him deeply. That's difficult to tolerate but Hal is refusing to let Sinestro fix it. This pain is continuing because Hal won't join Sinestro. It's unfair.

With a finger on Hal's lips, Sinestro presses their foreheads together. Carefully, he says, "I regret our meeting." There's a sense of relief that comes with the honesty.

As though he's been burned, Hal yanks back. Furiously hurt, he stares at Sinestro. "Don't say that to me. Not after everything you've put me through." It feels like a whole new betrayal, staking Hal through the heart. "You don't get to wish it away."

Faced with Hal's distress, Sinestro is patient. "Had we never met, you would not have suffered."

In an instant, they're nose to nose, and Hal is fierce. "Because I'd be dead without you. Is that what you want?"

Though Sinestro hesitates, he does concede in the end with a slight shake of his head. That brings him back against Hal with just one graze of skin having Sinestro sighing. Each touch is a tenfold escalation, seizing him in a quicksand he's desperate to suffocate in.

One firm hand grips Sinestro around his ribs, holding him fast so Hal can lean in against him. "For just a moment," Hal asserts, "I'd take all this a thousand times over." His breath is very warm on Sinestro's jaw. "Do I even get close to you coming with me?"

It's unbelievable for Hal to not realise what solely his presence is doing to Sinestro. "Hal Jordan." The name is caressed like a prayer. "You are always close."

Angst pangs through Hal and he worries his fingers through his hair. "What do I have to do?" He's tired of the mixed messages, like trying to follow a manual that's back to front and upside down. "There has to be something. Do you want me to beg? Is that it?" Onto one knee, Hal drops. "Please."

If getting on the ground is what it takes to change things, Hal will do it for Sinestro every time. That devotion is what makes it feel very natural.

The green light usually glowing around Hal has vanished but he's no less dangerous for it. A demon has spawned in Sinestro's head, whispering that the brutal demolition of everything he is for Hal's sake won't be so awful. There's a number of schemes he has, contingencies to keep Hal with him, and he can follow through on any of them.

Sucking in an anguished breath, Sinestro forces himself back. "Damn the Predator to the core of your blasted planet," he curses Hal.

A cold floor is beneath Hal's knees and there's a chill in the air. To be before Sinestro is warmth, but to have brought him down to this isn't satisfying at all.

Flickering over Sinestro is yellow light as he retreats from Hal. His fingers clutch to his ring like it's a talisman to ward off seductive Green Lanterns, or it's possible he's thinking of discarding it all. Underneath the trappings of an intergalactic war leader, Sinestro is just an exiled Korugarian with a whole load of issues who's been a friend to Hal through so much.

There's that frantic longing eternally as a part of Hal, tying up his every aspect in service to more of Sinestro. No one gets it like Sinestro does. With him, Hal feels safest, and he doesn't care that it's not supposed to be, that he's expected to grow up and move on. Everyone tells him it's not worth it. They're wrong.

The friendship Hal feels for Sinestro blazes brighter than anything else. Regardless of all, indomitable like the beat of his heart, Hal will keep choosing to fight for it and make Sinestro his first priority. He'll give everything he has now and in the future as well, for as long as Sinestro will have him and more.

Green light reflows over Hal's body as he stands. "Be my friend, Sin," he implores. "Know I'm yours."

"Of course," Sinestro says, like it's automatic and he doesn't even have to think about it before granting everything Hal is asking for.

It seizes in Hal's chest and draws a startled laugh from him. "It's that easy?"

With that ever so fragile hope in Hal's expression, the truth of the matter resonates through Sinestro. All he wants is to shower Hal in bliss, have Hal never doubt again and just keep looking to Sinestro for everything.

For Hal to be so incredulous is insulting. Universes more than to anyone else, Sinestro is hopelessly devoted. Every bit of that power and might and charm of Hal's can enslave the omniverse, just like he's stolen Sinestro's ability to be satisfied by anyone else. Of all, Hal is the only creature made perfect.

It's with worship that Sinestro catches Hal's hand and strokes the fingers. "Never doubt my consideration for you, Hal."

The way Hal has been sent into complete disarray by those uncomplicated words feels very unreal, but Hal's warm again too. In his chest, his heart is beating wildly fast. As Sinestro drops Hal's hand, it's an obsession, because Hal can't stop watching him. "When can I see you again?" The lovesick teenager impression Hal has of himself is very unappealing.

"Whenever you choose," Sinestro presents the answer for Hal. "I've been told I'm in constant need of discipline."

To process that interesting statement, Hal takes a moment. Likely, Sinestro is referring to Hal's habit of chasing him around to arrest him for criminal activity. It can't be intentional Sinestro's made it sound like he needs to be shoved down and told to beg for forgiveness.

After a quick cough to clear his throat, Hal says, "I know I've never phrased it like that."

Gold eyes consider Hal and Sinestro's smirking. "A pity," is his comment, unbalancing Hal. "My home is always open to you."

"Do you have an actual house?" Hal's immediately distracted. Up until now, he hasn't realised his impression of where Sinestro lives is just a giant throne with Yellow Lantern servants waiting on his every whim.

It's demanding but also coy as Sinestro pushes forward. "Join me there and I can show you."

They're headed back to dangerous territory, getting a grimace from Hal. "Not a good idea," he turns Sinestro down. "That's open season on you trying to recruit me. It's how you got Soranik."

Acknowledging Hal's concerns, Sinestro inclines his head but he has to have the last word, "You will regret this."

"Maybe you're right," Hal muses. "I'll think back on it and realise everything I said was terribly uncool. How's Sinestro going to like me now? I'm asking the ceiling. Do you know how many crises I had over you?"

A soft sensation smoulders in Sinestro and he blinks. "You flatter me," he's flirtatious, playing with Hal to cover the sincerity. More familiar are those who beg for his power and mercy, not for him to like them.

Huffing, Hal turns his gaze to the sky but really he's hiding the smile twitching at his lips. Contentment eases through his body because bantering with Sinestro is too much fun. The real world has slipped away, a wonderful relief, and Hal wants nothing else forever.

High on the feeling, Hal drinks in Sinestro. "Come see me some time," he urges. "No Earth. Just roaming the stars. It'll be fun."

That total lack of tension in Hal has inspired Sinestro into relaxation too and with it comes his ability to admit, "Our time together was... not unwelcome."

Ridiculously, that's the entire world to Hal, and he grabs for it. "Let's do that. You know we could both leave now, together. Forget about them. Just you, and me, and our friendship. Nothing else has to matter."

The way Hal bewitches Sinestro is insidious. It's much more dangerous than the request for Sinestro to return as a Green Lantern. Though Sinestro can't, he's left coveting, thinking about how he has ensured he can leave his own Corps whenever for this very reason. That's selfish and weak, and the universe will crash into disorder with their absence.

"What of your Corps?" Sinestro parries. "My Corps? No." He holds up a hand to stop Hal from speaking on the matter further. "Be quiet."

Under Hal's scrutiny, that fierce devotion directed at him, Sinestro is vulnerable. All paths lead to agony, and especially the path Hal is just unwise enough to take them into where Sinestro will inevitably do something unforgivable and hurt his friend for the last time. They cannot forsake their duty for a tragedy.

Nothing else is said by Sinestro and Hal's mood dips. "Do you want me to beg for this too?"

That sadness in Hal tugs at Sinestro's chest like his arteries are being ripped out and he reaches to cup Hal's shoulder. "Let us focus on the present while I have you here." He pauses. "I manipulated Stewart so he would not trust you."

Startled, Hal laughs. "Should I have seen that coming? Let me guess: You're not telling me because of a sudden change of heart in your ethics, are you?"

The suggestion offends Sinestro. "Of course not. Stewart made his choice. I merely nudged him towards it. If you intend to confront him over the issues we discussed, he may become aware of that small detail... I will not let him turn you against me."

"Like you just tried to do to him?" Blatant is Sinestro's hypocrisy but Hal is used to it. "Never change, will you?"

As Sinestro's composing his answer, his arms are suddenly full of human. Hal has thrown himself at Sinestro. The grip is hard and warm, engulfing Sinestro like a thick blanket and destroying any sense of coherency he has.

Still as a statue, Sinestro's taking a moment to absorb it all. Hal nuzzles against him and says, "You can hug me back. If you want. I don't mind."

There's a feather light touch on Hal's back before Sinestro wraps an arm around him, bringing them closer together. Gratefully, Hal relaxes into it. That wondrous tranquility embraces him and he's very prepared to welcome a knife between the ribs so he can keep it. Nothing about his enchantment by Sinestro is ever going to lessen.

"Lord Sinestro." The interruption of Sinestro's Lanterns returning to the scene has Hal honestly wanting to commit murder.

Those steadying arms are still enclosed around Sinestro and he's not finished soaking it in, will never be finished. Burying his fingers in Hal's hair, he's requiring more. Scenting along Hal's neck, he's thinking of how to devour Hal into his chest and simply be with him. That's when Sinestro snatches himself away, abrupt like ripping off a bandage.

Presented to Hal is the curve of Sinestro's spine and Hal's missing it already. "That's it? No goodbye kiss?"

Like a spring snapping back into its natural state, Sinestro's flush on Hal once more. It's somehow even better than previously. Light fingertips caress the side of Hal's face and he's pulled in for the incredibly soft brush of lips on his cheek, like petals and butterflies and everything fluffy he usually hates. There's nothing even a little suffocating about it.

As Hal has to watch Sinestro walk away from him with those unworthy Yellow Lanterns trailing behind, the jealousy does wild things to his head. They're nothing yet they get to be where Hal can't, settled in at Sinestro's side. He's not sure how he's going to keep tolerating it.

Some of the Lanterns toss scowls to Hal and it takes him a moment to realise why. Vindictively satisfied, he smirks back. They'll never replace him. They won't ever get close.

[gimmighoulcoins]

On Hold

"Hey."

Polaris isn't facing Hestau, but at the moment, they're the only two on the tower, so Hest knows he's the one being addressed. Hestau tilts their head to the side, questioning, then adds in a 'Hm?' after remembering that Polaris isn't looking at them and the gesture would mean nothing.

Polaris taps his blades against the wall of the tower's peak, a motion Hestau was beginning to recognize as occurring when Polaris was considering his words, thinking carefully.

Their eyes drift from Polaris, off towards the same sky the pawniard is admiring. The darkness of dusk has begun to break into the night sky, snuffing out the sun's light and replacing it with scattered stars. It was pretty. Hestau isn't sure its ever taken the time to properly appreciate it.

Something else steals its attention for a moment, though, scattered lights leaking into the beginnings of night and stealing the spotlight from stars, coming from the Tagtree Thicket. Strange..

Hestau doesn't have time to ruminate on it for too long, though, as Polaris speaks up after his seconds of consideration- only seconds, but it felt a lot longer to Hestau in the moment.

"I think you might have something I want," Hestau's antenna perked up, and Polaris continued, "but I don't have a coin."

Polaris turns to meet Hestau's eyes and closes the distance between them, crossing his arms behind his back in a ridged stance. Hest tilts its head, indicating for Polaris to continue.

"Could you hold onto it? Until I can get a coin to pay you for it. I could even pay you two for the trouble, once I find some."

There's the pitch. Hestau rests his head on his hand as he considers. Two coins for one item was a very good deal, and whatever Hestau had that he wanted had to be something he really wanted if he made that offer. What was it he wanted anyway? Ah, that's the important question.

"What do ya want, exactly?"

Polaris unfolds his arms, pointing to a piece of the scrap metal Hestau had. It was rather pretty- at least, it was partially gold, instead of the plain brown everything else is, which made it pretty to Hestau. Otherwise, though, it didn't seem like anything special.

But, Polaris was a friend- at least, Hestau thinks they're kind of friends- and if it means that much to their friend- enough for him to offer an extra coin to make sure Hestau has it when he returns- then it would be the right thing to do, wouldn't it?

"Okay, okay! I'll put it away until you come back for it! Promise!" Hestau declares, grabbing the hand Polaris had used to point with both of his and shaking it enthusiastically. That's what you do when you make deals, Hestau's pretty sure. Polaris seems amused, at least.

Polaris bringing it up now, though...

"Does that mean you're going soon, soon, then?" The sentence slipped out at the same time the thought crossed its mind, and it came out with a bit more emotion than Hestau would've liked. Sure, it was only a day, but Hest was getting kind of used to having a consistent presence with them. They'd trade away a coin for just a little longer- No, they wouldn't actually, a part of them cringes at the thought of giving away a coin- but still, they'd like Polaris to stay longer.

"Its getting dark. My family's gonna be worried if I'm not home before the day's end." Polaris and Hestau both glance towards the bamboo forest in the distance. If Polaris left now, he could get there before the sun's light is completely gone.

Hestau's unhappiness at his new friend- sort of friend- leaving so soon must have shown, because when Polaris looks back, he lightly pokes Hestau's head with the tip of his blade- the kind of gesture one would expect an exclamation of 'boop!' to accompany it.

"I'll come back to buy that from you. Besides, I bet my brother's going to want to see you when I tell him where I was today, and I'm gonna have to show him the way here, so you'll probably see me before I even have the coins to give you."

Polaris's smile is forced and awkward, but the intentions are genuine. He had already walked over to the ladder down while he was talking, but waits to climb down out of view, looking at Hestau expectantly.

Getting the que, Hestau waves at him.

"Bye-bye for now! See you soon, soon!"

Polaris returns the wave.

"Take care, lil' roach."

Hestau considers arguing about the nickname as a way to get his friend to stay a little longer, but Polaris dips out of sight before they can make up their mind, and they're not about to make him climb back up.

Oh well. Hestau will see him again. It'll have plenty of other guests- maybe even friends- in the meantime.

[more-than-a-princess]

Cope they did: Liam's way was to throw himself into hedonism whenever possible, Sam was consumed by his art and his plane, and Sonia...well, she simply worked. Some chocolate here and a short holiday there, but she mostly did everything asked of her and more. If just for the fact that one day she would be the one in charge: of her country, of her cousins. Or their happiness at least.

Not that she wanted to talk about them right now, in particular. Sonia hadn't wanted to admit it, but it was starting to be a little disconcerting for her: how much Shirou seemed to take an interest in them. Considering what little she knew of his inclinations, there was always the possibility that he preferred men to begin with. That wasn't the problem: the problem was how, deep down, she hoped Liam wouldn't turn the head of yet another man she dared have an interest in. Particularly one she'd known for years, one she'd held in the highest esteem for years and living with the guilt she felt for doing so. He hadn't deserved it then, the burden of how she really felt about him. He didn't deserve it now, either: he had his own life, and she had hers, and even with the offer of an open door (or open library), Shirou was under no obligation to ever come back if he so chose.

"I won't," She interjected, referring to his warning regarding her ideals. She couldn't promise him she wouldn't use her own coping methods when she needed them: she was only human, something that she struggled to convey to others. Sonia Nevermind was no 100% pure princess in a 100% pure castle: every day tested her kindness, her politeness, her patience with the world. And some days, she lost. "Lose sight, that is. Of what I want to change for this country. There will certainly be changes someday, and the people of this nation must meet them when they occur. I just hope my legacy will not be one of resentment."

That was already easier said than done: Sonia had already dared to be born a girl in an unbroken line of kings for the past 500 years. Every country had their own superstitions, with one of Novoselic's being a woman monarch would lead to the nation's downfall. Sonia sighed, leaning back in her chair: she preferred the occult to superstition. Demonic possession was far easier to enjoy and understand than the doubt passed from generation to generation about a woman in power. "Very well, very well," Sonia sighed, probably far louder than she should as she waved her hand in dismissal. "I will not tell anyone, not even Nanami-san. Though I am under the impression that I am allowed to discuss such things with the likes of Tohsaka-san and Hilda. As you stated, I should be able to trust the Tohsaka and Edelfelt families. Still, with how much Novoselic is seemingly lacking in magecraft, I am not sure how such information would help me. Entertain me yes, but as an ordinary human princess, I cannot see what value I would have to mages if they already disregard normal humans in the first place." Mostly, Sonia now wondered just how off the mark her occult interests were in comparison to legitimate magecraft. As a child, she'd been desperate to prove that the lore behind various occult artifacts and practices were rooted in real magic, real spirits, and real demonic presences. Even in her mid-twenties, magecraft being proven as otherwise would still break her heart a little.

"So as I understand it, it is a much less risky option to provide entertainment with books as opposed to asking you too many questions about mages and their craft," She smiled, albeit a bit mischievously at him. She'd taken his words to heart, but that didn't mean she couldn't tease him. Did it? "All right then, if having books here gives you reason to return, then I am in full support of it. I shall ensure that there is available space on the shelves for as many books as you can carry!"

She chuckled, now fully ignoring the movie playing in favor of imagining him lugging several dozen hardback books without the use of magecraft and there she would be, eagerly helping him arrange them on the shelves, bare and waiting for him to make his mark in Boudry House. The mental image, and the warmth of the conjured coat, had Sonia feeling more at ease than she had in quite some time. Still, her eyebrows raised in surprise as Shirou continued his projections, this time making a pair of large slippers appear out of thin air. "For me?" She smiled playfully at him, giving him a wink as she got to her feet. "Oh, how did you know that my feet would be chilly as well? You should not have!"

Cinderella, she wasn't. There was no hesitation on Sonia's part to slip her feet into both slippers and, draped in the overly large coat and shoes many sizes too big, she struck her best red carpet pose for him: the sort she always gave for film premieres, or state dinners, or in the reception line for a ball. A modest wave, a sparkling smile that reached her eyes, and shoulders back and square and confident, no matter how she felt inside. "What do you think, Shirou-san?" She asked. "I think the oversized look may soon be on trend. But really...if you are not careful, I am in danger of falling asleep in your clothes. What a terrible host I have been! You should be resting and yet here you are, advising me and conjuring me something warm and comfortable to wear. Can you forgive me for keeping you from properly resting?"

The man cocked a brow and allowed a ��hmmm” to resonate as Sonia was quick to defend herself about her ability to survive ‘debauchery parties’ as she called them, his gray gaze looking her up and down , his teasing soon turned into a chuckle. Yes, he wasn’t naïve or hypocrite to believe that Sonia was a pure and demure girl – someone like her must have learned how to navigate them early on. Shirou recalled about how naturally she talked about underage drinking and certain aspects of her life that would make his teenage self blush and Tohsaka try not to gag in her tea. Only Sakura managed to keep a certain degree of coolness. ❝ From the sounds of it, your cousin might keep his hands full with many interests.❞ just a small quip. ❝ Each to their own, I suppose. People cope in different ways. ❞ he couldn’t fathom the pressure that nobles like Sonia have to deal with, and while her cousins are spared from the stress from being the next in line to the throne they likely have their own stuff to think about. It was one of those occasions that, on a surface level, it could be envious: to live the life the way he wanted, indulging in what entertain him without a worry in the world — it must be an empty existence all things considered, looking for fulfillment that will never come to pass.

Sonia’s own gaze didn’t go unnoticed, the conversation was indeed turning quite heavy and the young woman had come back from a social gathering that must have been exhausting both physically and mentally, with older individuals probing and testing her at every corner to see what would make her tick and to see how much they could push her without repercussions. ❝ Try to don’t lose the sight of why you are fighting. Sometimes it might be easier to discard your own heart, but some things are worth fighting for even if they are impossible. ❞ he shared a snippet of what motivated him, aware that his own fight will lead nowhere and only his own destruction waits for him at the end of the road. If by the end of it there will be more people smiling than crying, it will be worth it. Emiya was just a man with a gun and a few good ideas, the princess was someone whose battlefield was completely different than his and could reach far more people – and was tied to different limitations as he was, a cog in the machine just like him.  ❝ People are afraid of change so I can’t say it will be easy for you at the start, from my experience I can assure you that they are able to tell when their leader truly cares. Your feelings will reach the Novosonians and they’ll stand by you.❞ …Will stand by her as long she makes them happy, anyway. That he chose to keep to himself. Even the legendary the once and future King was abandoned by her subjects, in order to be the ideal ruler she discarded her emotions and tried to be just – and people didn’t want pure justice. They wanted their own bias confirmed. Thankfully Sonia is very different, and would never have to deal with that kind of trouble … Part of him felt bad doing the comparison at times, yet his mind wandered and recalled someone whom he can’t even remember her face…

❝ If you were to tell about Magecraft to your family or any members of Royal family or individuals close to you I would have to oppose. Your occult preferences are fine, they are within a margin of error that the Mage’s Association takes into consideration. ❞ his tone was serious, the sound of the movie in the background was thoroughly insignificant. ❝ The mage community is self-isolated for a number of reasons, only a very limited number of non-magi know the truth. If you were to tell your family, there would be the chance they would have to erase the memories about this knowledge. I’m sharing with you because you are my friend and you are important to me. And nowadays, in your position, this knowledge could be of help for you but I hope it will never be the case.❞ The magecraft world had its own set of rules, like how the nobles had their own thing. His first instinct was to shrug but that caused him a bit of discomfort, so he stopped the motion before proceeding any further. ❝ Don’t worry about my magic circuits or lack thereof. I’m not part of the association and I don’t have any interest in their political games. Magic is just a tool for me to do what I need to, that’s all. Similar to have access to a military vehicle or a sniper rifle, it is just something that helps to complete the mission. For them, however, it is a way of life. ❞ his magecraft was part of his identity, it was a fundamental piece of who Emiya Shirou was… But not his goal. That was different.

There was a mild surprise at her outburst. Did she take offence at his words about the books? Soon she clarified the question that was starting to form in his mind – should he bring the books or not? The answer was “yes”, apparently. ❝ I’d appreciate to be able to read something while here. I’ll bring my books whenever the opportunity presents itself. ❞ maybe he also should do something nice, like writing a dedicatory or placing a card inside the pages with some thoughts of the circumstances surrounding the reading, the people he have met and the places he went. It could be more knowledge added to the library, even if no-one would ever read it.

❝ Is it? I never noticed. ❞ he certainly have never spent a moment to realize how his Projections felt, they are perfect replicas of something he’d come across in t he past. ❝  This one is a Projection of my best coat, made of wool and ready for all sorts of weather. I can’t say if the warmth is a byproduct of my magecraft or if there is any other circumstance at play. ❞ he was aware that his Reality Marble might be warm, even if he had never deployed it – there was no need for that nor he had met a situation he had to use it. ❝ I could probably make other Projections for you… Maybe… ❞ well, it wouldn’t be the right size but it might be better than nothing – once again magic was poured into his magic circuits, a pair of comfortable plush slippers formed. ❝ Here, try these on. ❞

[archieism]

hey friends. i know i haven’t been on a lot, but coping with the state of the world has been kinda tough on its own. but in the last weekend alone, my home life has left me feeling barely able to breathe. my mom is flipping stuff upside down after years of somewhat dysfunctional but tolerable and we ultimately love each other parent/child dynamic to concerning somewhat erratic behavior that’s left me feeling at a loss and no longer safe in this house. i don’t fear her as much as how i can live here anymore. she’s gone cold and outright voiced her sudden lack of regard whatsoever for how me or my siblings want to coexist with her despite being dependents, how we feel about these sudden changes without an invitation to be involved in them, or even if we feel safe with her anymore. 

she’s apologized just tonight, admitted she’s been acting out of fear instead of faith (hashtag conservative christian parents) but i’m not sure how much repair can be done, or if this means she’ll change what she’s been doing, or if it will even stick at all. my chest still feels tight. i still feel like i’m gonna throw up any moment. i still feel like i could burst into tears any second. maybe i’m overreacting, but i’ve never felt unsafe with my mom in my life. she’s always been my protector from the people who are unsafe, so this change feels life ending. i feel like i’m drowning and i don’t know what to do. to make it worse, i still have a cat with urinary issues and asmtha who needs special cat food AND litter who depends on me, who i’ve been borrowing money to take care of while i’m unemployed, and now i don’t know if that’s guaranteed anymore even though he could die without it. maybe it will turn out she’s not being that drastic, but i hate that i don’t know anymore if she would do that or not. as stressed as i am for myself and my siblings, i feel like not knowing if i can take care of my cat or if i’d even be able to transport him to a better home without a car even if i wanted to is making me want to keel over and die. but that wouldn’t help him, so i can’t.

i don’t know why i’m typing this. my mental health hasn’t been this bad in a while, or maybe ever, i don’t know; everything’s still very fresh since it’s all happened in literally like two days. but i guess that’s why everything feels uncertain now. 

i think i’m gonna make a gofundme for worse case scenarios concerning my cat, as well as any leftovers going towards me saving up for either a plane ticket or a car rental if i ever get the opportunity to leave here. i knew leaving my mom after years of her and us kids helping each other through hellish circumstances would be hard, but i never thought it’d be even harder due to leaving her behind by herself on such a bad note. i hope she can last by herself after years of mostly having just her kids as her friends due to living in such a shitty town full of shitty people. i’m so scared for her if i leave, but i’m also kind of scared for myself if i stay, or leave, or anything. i hope she can learn to fully love and care for herself as well as her kids in the ways we need her to for a functioning relationship. but i don’t know if that possibility’s been crushed in a single weekend. i want to keep that door open, but i also want to love myself enough to make decisions for myself that will lead to a future where i can hope to ever be happy with or without her instead of despair in my ability to even stay alive until i i can pass of old age one day.

my oldest sister who only just started living with us again in the last year and a half and has been kind of a rock through all this is choosing to leave in about a week and i’m really hoping it doesn’t break me. she doesn’t want to leave us behind, but she’s just as broke as the rest of us and even worse off with her physical health right now. 

the remaining three; my little brother, my older sister, and me, are trying to strategize a way we can collectively save up and move out together. we’re clinging to each other and trying to find solutions to this with no experience or training from any adults in our lives, parents who cared or not, from teachers, pastors, etc. despite being fully grown adults, i feel like we’re all feeling fragile. for one reason or another, our parents failed to raise us to even know how to be adults or do be on our own or how to keep a steady job, yet we’re expected to flip the full adult autonomy switch overnight with no warning or discussion before hand.

life feels scary right now, at least for me. really scary. i don’t know if i’ve ever been this scared before, and i know my entire childhood’s been pretty shitty. maybe my mom’s apology will finally actually mean something and i can delete this post with a cringey shake of my head in a month. i don’t know. but i know i need to look for some forms of stability outside of hers regardless. i don’t think i could make it through if i trusted this was over only for it to happen again. maybe it’s everything else going wrong in 2020 on top of it, but it feels like i’d just collapse and never get up again. it’s so hard to already, but i have my cat to help me keep going, if for no other reason than he NEEDS me to keep going in order to just stay alive, and now my siblings too. my mom used to be one of those reasons, and maybe she still is, but i don’t want to count on it as much anymore.

this is a vent post. way too much oversharing. but i feel like i’m going crazy and on the verge of an emotional breakdown, or maybe this is me having one lol

this is also a sort of question for any of my mutuals on here, if any of you are still reading (sorry it’s so long and so dramatic, i just. i feel rly scared and everything feels impossible right now). if any of you in the united states are looking for a roommate, i really need one. ideally, i’ll find an online job by the time i can execute any roommate plans, but if anyone is willing to take an unemployed depressed bitch who will fast for at most a month until i can find some local work, i am.... in dire need of something if my mom’s apology doesn’t stick, and even if it does; i really think i need to leave as soon as i can for both our sakes, even if as soon as i can is by the end of the year. ideally, cats are welcome in the space we’d be sharing, unless i find a beautifully trustworthy home i know he’ll be happy and safe with and can even bring myself to say goodbye. 

i’ll take anything at this point. even just brainstorming a situation over dms will probably do wonders for my mental health. i’m so sorry for dumping this all on the dashboard, and please know you can 100% keep scrolling or simply send good vibes, because i am asking around elsewhere. if my siblings and i can execute something together like we’re hoping, i probably won’t need a tumblr roommate lol, but backup plans feel kind of necessary, at this time, at least.

[liibrii]

fem!Miya!reader x Suna Rintarou || mostly platonic || part of the Third Miya series

Synopsis: A glimpse into your friendship with Suna during your 1st year at Inarizaki High school.

Warnings: barely proofread, general stupidity, there's a serial killer joke, reader is a lil shit

wc: 1.6k

a/n: naming chapters is hard 😭 as always feedback is greatly appreciated and if you wanna be tagged in future chapters let me know!

Friendship with Suna is one of those where you can't quite remember how or when it started. One week he was just that lanky guy sitting at a desk to the right of you, the next week you walked home together and you told him your brothers' embarrassing childhood stories in exchange for chemistry homework. In a way it's an echo of all your childhood friendships forged on the beach with other kids you only knew for a week but during that week you'd take over the world for them if they asked. But the one week friendship with Suna became two weeks, three weeks, and after the fourth you stopped counting.

Suna Rintarou is a funny guy. Not funny as in telling jokes or spouting quips and smirks. He's funny in a way that even now you can't really tell who he is. He's quiet. But not shy in the slightest. He moved over from Aichi and you cringe at the memory of saying: “Oh so that's why ya talk funny. I thought yer just pretentious,“ when he told you. Your ears catch on fire by just thinking about it. So embarrassing. But he must have pretty low standards for his friends because at the time he didn't really seem bothered by your slip of the tongue. The next day he offered you a chuupet and that was enough to buy your undying loyalty.

Suna's a funny guy. You don't know how he became your friend, you don't know what he sees in you that makes him put up with you. But you're glad to have an inside man on the volleyball team.

Years of living together with the same person makes one develop the ability of sniffing out trouble before they even start to happen. In this case it's four empty pudding packages in the trash bin that make you decide to nope right out of there before Tsumu tries to blame you for their mysterious disappearance. Again.

You put on music and walk aimlessly through the streets, one of those walks where it doesn't matter if you get lost because you have no clue where you're headed anyway. Everyone needs a stroll like that from time to time. Often they lead to situations that would otherwise probably never happen. Like running into a serial killer, but luck is on your side today so the only person you run into is a familiar lanky figure stretching by the side of the road. “Sunarin! Didn't expect to meet ya here!“

He looks up and his blushed sweaty face wears the same expression as ever. In the last months you've learned Suna has two expressions, the deadpan one, and the deadpan one with furrowed brows. “O, Miya. Well, I live nearby.“ Oh right, you did pass the bus station where he exits just a song ago. “Taking a stroll, are you?“

“Samu and Tsumu are having a screamin' match right now so I decided to get myself out of there before they'd drag me into it.“

“Tragic. Where are you headed?“

Your destination is 'who cares' so you join Suna on a walk. It's good he already ran his evening route because you're not in the mood to reenact a wanna be healthy person's only free time activity.

Just a short walk between the apartment buildings by the side of the road you reach a path of cobble stones that leads further between trees.  

“What? You didn't know there's a park here?“ Suna smirks and you're surprised his face muscles are even capable of stretching so far.

You shake your head, slightly embarrassed. “No, I really didn't. To be fair this neighbourhood used to be ruled by another clan so we never played around here,“ you quickly add as if children clan wars from years ago are a better excuse than simply being unfamiliar with this part of the town.

Suna doesn't comment but the corners of his mouth keep tugging up even after you walk through the park. Or maybe that's because you tripped over nothing while watching a cat cross your path.

“We have a cat back home,“ he tells you and shows you the picture of his little sister with a big fluffy orange cat on her lap.

“So cute,“ you coo, “looks just like ya.“

“Oh yeah, lots of people say she looks just like me. I think I'm more handsome though.“

“No, I meant the cat.“

This time you're the one prepared to jump away form a well aimed kick but Suna only gives you a disappointed glare. “I thought you were the nice Miya.“

You sympathetically pat his shoulder. “Sorry. My sincere condolences. Shall I send some flowers for the funeral of yer last brain cell? Samu always wanted a cat but dad wouldn't let him.“

“Really? Why not?“

“Oh he made the mistake of asking just after the mango incident.“

“The-“

“Only Miyas are allowed to know about it,“ you say, snickering at Suna's furrowed brows. You know curiosity is going to eat at him for weeks to come. Maybe you should come up with a cover story, just in case. “Do ya miss yer friends? Ones from Aichi I mean?“

Suna thinks for a moment, maybe still trying to figure out what a mango incident could possibly be. “Sometimes,“ he says after a while and a poke to his side, “but I met a lot of new people at the dorms. Inarizaki isn't that bad either. There's you and Ginjima, and your brothers sometimes, and ehm,“ he mumbles as he tries to remember whom else he could call a friend.

“If Tsumu or Samu bring this topic up just let them know ya were my friend first,“ you pout. That's the problem with having had siblings in the same class for the entire grade and middle school; all your friends were also their friends. “It can't be easy,“ you say, half trying to make him feel better, and half just changing the topic that's starting to turn his ears red, “movin' over here I mean. Ya really left all ya knew behind for volleyball. That's pretty admirable. Ya just might be as crazy as Samu and Tsumu.“

“Please don't compare me to your brothers,“ says Suna.

“That bad, eh? So what's it like? Livin' in a dorm?“

“Oh. Well. We're four in a room-“

“Yikes. And I thought havin' two other people in your room is a lot.“

Suna laughs. Oh, so he can do that. It suits him, you decide after a moment. “Now take into account that two of those keep leaving dirty socks around.“

“Oh I know what that's like,“ you nod, all too familiar with dirty socks under table, under bed and other parts of bed you'd rather not think about.

“I doubt you'd get in trouble for punching them though.“

“Oh I would.“ You look him over. “Ya don't really look like a punchin' type to me. More a very petty guy. Soy sauce in mornin' tea kind of guy.“

“You're giving me ideas.“

“Thanks, that will be one kit-kat. Or none if ya put some in Samu's water bottle.“

“All in all dorm isn't that bad,“ Suna tells you once you both stop laughing over the prospect of putting soy sauce into Osamu's drink. “Wish I could sleep a bit longer in the morning but what can you do? And I miss mom's cooking. We cook ourselves and the food is good. Usually. It's just not the same, you know? Want a chuupet?“

“Ya brought a chuupet to an evenin' run?“

You still gladly take the fruit stick. It's a rare occasion in which it isn't in danger of being snatched away by one of your co-spawns. You don't comment but the next day a neatly wrapped bento box waits on Suna's table.

Suna doesn't quite remember when you became friends. One day you were a girl from his class that looked suspiciously similar to those loud Twins on the volleyball team (the moment he realised your last name is in fact Miya too he felt incredibly stupid for not noticing sooner), the next day you're hanging with him during breaks and sending him messages along the lines of 'I'll buy you as many chuupets as ya want if ya tell me what happened at practice yesterday, I need to let Tsumu know who's the boss' that usually arrive in the middle of the night. Even if they wake him up your name popping on his screen still makes him smile.

Really it takes impossibly long for Suna to realise he doesn't enjoy being in your presence only because being friends with you is as easy as getting the ball around a block or because you're the one Miya to voluntarily share your food with him.

The moment the cogs finally fell in their place and began to spin, making the little 'there might be something more' thought appear is one he'll remember for the rest of his life, and will quite probably haunt his nightmares too.

That's the thing about emotions (truly the revelations of that day are almost too much for his volleyball focused teenage brain), they take over neurones in charge of sending information around the brain, bribing the ones running toward mouth to run faster than the ones heading towards the comprehension centre, and then you find yourself in awkward situations such as saying your name out loud in the packed locker room followed by: “She's really funny and amazing. I like her a lot.“

But the situation being awkward is the least of Suna's problems as two pairs of almost identical brown eyes stare him down.

Oh, shit.

tag list: @espressons @trashy-simp @nachotrash @megumiisee @foxxtrot-116 @e-wwis​

[imaginationintowords]

Folklore [song series]

invisible strings

Modern Day AU! Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff; Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album Folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years

Word count: 3401

[ a/n: thank you so much for all the love and support. We’re almost done with this series! If I forgot to tag you please let me know! Also the ending is a bit lackluster but decided to save the best one for something special for the last chapter]

Age: 21

Year: June/July 2015

Location: CA & NY

"Thank-you all for coming and christening our new place," Thor thanks everyone, as he and Loki stood up at the dining table in their lit up backyard.

"Now there's one person I want to thank, my love," Thor said, reaching his hand out to Wanda who was sat to his left, Loki took his seat back down, "My love, I just want to thank-you for being by my side these last two years. I have never been as happy as I am with anyone else. Now I'm not very good with my words, but what I do know is how I feel about you. The love I have for you exceeds anything else."

"So, I just need to ask you this one question," he says, bending down on one knee, holding Wanda's left hand, while holding the ring box in the other, "Will you, Wanda Maximoff marry me?

"Yes," she cried out, throwing her arms around Thor's neck.

Everyone got up to cheer the newly engaged couple.

Steve and Elizabeth laid naked in her bed, comfortably in each other's presence after the night's activities.

"I can't believe Wanda and Thor are engaged," Elizabeth said, as Steve rubbed her arm as she laid on his chest.

"He's been talking about it for the last year," Steve tells her, "Said he didn't want to scare her off."

"Guess I'm going to have to find a new roommate," she jokes.

"Well actually, I was thinking."

"You better not be proposing to me post sex, while we're naked in bed," Elizabeth playfully jabbed his chest, looking up at him from his chest.

"No, no," Steve lets out a hearty laugh, "Not yet. We still have time for that."

"I was actually thinking, why don't we get a place together. After graduation," Steve suggests.

"What about your job?"

"I can commute," he says, "I'll be done with school in May. You still have law school after graduation, and I have no doubt Stanford is going to accept you into their law program, so you don't have to move."

"What if I don't get accepted?"

"I highly doubt you won't, but if you don't, I'm sure Columbia will snatch you up. And I'd follow you, wherever you go."

"Really?" Elizabeth asked, surprised he would even say that.

"Yeah. There's a lot of architect firms out there, and I'm sure my boss will give me a nice recommendation."

"I couldn't ask that of you Steve," Elizabeth said, getting off of his chest to sit up, grabbing the blanket to cover her chest.

"Which is why I'm offering. I want to do that Liz. This right here," he sits up, and gestures to the both, "This is all I want. So please, if it comes time for that, just let me."

"Okay. Promise you won't resent me?" She asks, feeling overwhelmed with emotion.

"Never," he seriously says, pulling her in for a kiss, and back into his arms.

As they laid in bed, Steve notices Liz is lost in her thoughts.

"Whatcha thinking about?"

"Us, and everything that's lead us to this moment. Like there were some invisible strings leading me to you," she tells him.

"Yeah, you're correct," he ponders.

"Like everything that's happened, happened for a reason. We weren't supposed to be with each other then otherwise we probably wouldn't have made it out of high school."

"You don't think?" Steve asked.

"No, because we wouldn't have been the people we are now. Let's be real here Steve, you and I are not Bucky or Peggy. We're dreamers. Full on happy ending believing people who happened to be with realists at the time. We would've been so naive about the world outside of Brooklyn," Elizabeth says.

"We had never truly experienced pain in the way that we did. If we didn't go through senior year the way that we did, we wouldn't be here. Not specifically together or in California. But we would be stuck in a life where we forced ourselves to be happy. Where we didn't have room to grow. Room to experience a different way of life. We would've been who we were as 16 year olds. And don't get me wrong but that's no way to be."

"I'm glad this happened when it did," she says tilting her head to look at Steve's face.

"Me too," he smiled kissing the top of her head.

"Wow, my arm is so tired from lugging this ring around," Wanda announces walking into Elizabeth's room where she was packing things into a suitcase.

"Must be so exhausting," Liz teases as Wanda takes a seat on her bed.

"Incredibly," Wanda smiled, "How's the packing going?"

"Good, I have everything I'll need for the next two weeks," Liz tells her, "You guys are flying in two days before Steve's birthday right?"

"Yup! Thor seems to be more excited about Steve turning 21 than he is," Wanda laughs, "Next up will be you next month. Vegas won't be ready for us."

"Thor really is going out for all of our 21st birthdays, is he."

"He's excited we're all legally allowed to drink," Wanda says.

"So," Wanda shifted in her seat, "Are you guys going to the baby shower?"

"Yeah we are," Liz nodded her head, "Things have been better, and Steve really wants to be there for Bucky, and so do I."

"How are you feeling about it all?"

"Honestly, if Bucky is happy then so am I."

"It doesn't bother you even the slightest that he's having a baby with the woman he cheated on you with?"

"No," Liz shakes her head, "We've both moved on and grew from our situation. I'm happy with Steve, truly 100% happy. I know in my heart that Steve is the one."

"Whoa, wait, back that up," Wanda immediately shot up from her spot on the bed, "He's the one?"

"Yeah," Liz bascule smiles, her cheeks turning a slight pink.

"I mean, I knew that you loved him, but I don't think you've ever said out loud that he was the one."

Elizabeth shrugs her shoulders trying to fight off the huge grin that wants to spread across her face, "Well he is."

"Wow, umm this is great news," Wanda says looking around the room.

"What's wrong?" Liz asks taking in Wanda's sudden mood change.

"I just," Wanda coughed, trying to fight back the ball in her throat, her eyes tearing up, "I'm so happy for you. God this ring is making me incredibly emotional."

"Aw Wands," Elizabeth pulled her into a hug.

"You just deserve to be with someone who truly thinks the world of you and would move those worlds for you," Wanda cries in Liz's shoulder, "I just remember you telling me all about the shit you went through with Bucky in high school, and then the crap he put you through freshman year. You were just so over the idea of love. Even with steve you were so cautious, so just to hear you say that he's the one. I'm just so incredibly happy."

Elizabeth hugged Wanda tightly, tears streaming down her face. It meant the world to her to hear Wanda say those things. She felts so incredibly lucky to have a friends like her in her life.

"I better be your maid of honor," Wanda teased pulling away and wiping her tears, "Because you already know you're mine."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

"We still need to get a baby shower gift for tomorrow," Elizabeth told Steve as they lounged around his childhood bedroom. Steve was sat at his desk sketching, while Elizabeth laid in his bed reading a book.

"I can do that if you want," Steve offered, not wanting to make Elizabeth uncomfortable no matter how many times she's told him she was fine.

"Somehow I don't think I can trust you getting the correct gift," Elizabeth teased.

"Babies like legos right?" He teased back, getting up to join her on the bed, laying his head down on her stomach.

"We can go together, I still need to get a few things for the party next weekend," she said playing with his hair.

Steve hummed in response, feeling himself getting tired, "A quick little nap and we'll go."

"Sounds good," she smiled at the man snuggled up on her.

The next day the couple were walking into the Barnes' backyard, hand-in-hand with a gift bag.

They were both instantly greeted by Bucky's mother Winnie.

"Oh you two made it!" She enthusiastically greeted them, pulling them both into a hug.

"Of course. We wouldn't have missed it," Steve smiled at her.

"Thank-you," she turned to Liz and grabbed her hand, "both of you. James really appreciates it. We all do. Especially with everything that has happened, he's going to need his best friends."

"You don't have to thank us," Liz says, "We'll always be there for Bucky. No matter what happens."

"Well thank-you," she smiles, and then turns to Steve, "Steve the men have been sent inside, so you can see your way inside."

"Already getting pushed aside," he jokes.

He placed a kiss on Elizabeth's cheek, "I'll be inside if you need me."

She nodded her head, then glanced around the yard and caught eye contact with an old high school classmate, Natasha's friend, rolling her eyes at the couple.

She cleared her throat, "Where do the gifts go?"

"Over at that table where Rebecca is at," Winnie smiled, and pointed to the table to the right where Rebecca was organizing all the gifts. Liz thanked her and made her way over.

Liz couldn't help but start to feel a bit uncomfortable. She hadn't planned for she and Steve to be separated for the entire party. She didn't really know anyone here, aside from Bucky's family, where things were still a bit awkward after last summer.

Even though things were good between Steve, Bucky, and her, it was still awkward. She and Natasha don't have the best history, they still haven't talked everything out, clear the air. Not that Nat owed Elizabeth a conversation, she just thought that now that things were okay, maybe them two can work on their relationship, for the sake of Bucky. But whenever Liz tried to reach out Nat would just say that she was busy, so she didn't push it. Not with Natasha being pregnant, plus she figured now that she was in town for two weeks that maybe they could get together for a quick chat.

"Hey Liz," Rebecca greeted her, a sigh of relief to see a friendly face.

"Hey Bec," she smiled, hugging the teen.

"God, I'm so glad to see you," Rebecca said pulling back from the hug, "Some of these girls are real bitches."

Liz was taken back for a second hearing Rebecca swear, it's sometimes hard to believe that tiny little toddler is now this young lady about to enter her senior year of high school.

"I'm sure they're not so bad," Liz said trying to give them the benefit of the doubt.

"Really? Because they're looking at you like you just murdered their entire family," Rebecca said.

Elizabeth turned around to see Natasha's friends huddled in a semi-circle around Natasha, all whispering and glaring at her. She turned back around to Rebecca and gave her a force smile.

Rebecca felt bad at bringing that to Liz's attention. Liz was always so nice to her, and even continues to keep in contact with her especially when Rebecca needs any help or advice.

"I can take that," she said trying to change the subject.

"Thank-you," she quietly said, handing over the gift bag to Rebecca.

"They're just jealous," Rebecca tells her, "Even with having my brother's child, Natasha still can't find it in her cold hearted heart to be nice to you."

"She doesn't owe me anything."

"Now that's not true. She owes you a lot, and the least she can do is be nice, especially with my mother throwing her this baby shower and allowing her to live with us until she and Bucky find a place."

"She's living here?" Elizabeth asked, surprised to hear that. Bucky never mentioned Nat living with them, they did know that they were looking at places closer to his job and school.

"Yeah, she moved in probably two months ago, when she really started to show," Rebecca tells her, "Apparently she hadn't told her dad, and once she started showing she had to confess. He kicked her out. Said she was ruining her life."

"That's intense," Elizabeth said.

"Yup. So my mom and Keith are letting her stay until they find a place of their own," Rebecca says, "And as much as I love my brother I can't wait til she's gone. He's an idiot for knocking her up."

"She can't be that bad," Liz said trying to give Nat the benefit of the doubt.

"Trust me Liz, she is. Being pregnant has made her a complete devil," Rebecca stresses, "My mom is way too nice to have that be the mother of her first grandchild."

Before Liz could respond to that, someone came up behind her.

"Oh Becky, I wanted the gifts to be color coordinated," Natasha remarked, with her hand on her belly.

"My mom told me to do it by size," Rebecca rolled her eyes, "And my name's Rebecca."

"But Becky is so cute."

"No it's not," Rebecca argued.

"Hi Natasha," Elizabeth awkwardly greeted, breaking up the conversation.

"Oh hi Elizabeth," Natasha stiffly said, forcing a smile on her face as she rubs her belly, "Didn't think you would show up."

"Oh, well Steve told Bucky we were coming," she explains.

"Of course he did."

"You look pretty," Elizabeth complimented her to try and break the tension.

"I know. I'm absolutely glowing carrying Bucky's child," she replied with a snarky tone.

"I'm really happy for you both."

"Sure you are," she rolled her eyes.

"No, I truly am. That's why I actually wanted to talk to you about. I was wondering if maybe we can get together sometime this next week, to talk," Liz suggests.

"There's no need," Nat tells her, "I get what you're doing. You think that getting on my good graces will put you in Bucky's good graces, but I hate to break it to you, that's not going to happen. I'm trying my best here to be polite to you, but once this baby is born, I'll make sure Bucky no longer makes time for you and Steve. I am his life now, and we don't have space in it for you both."

"Nat-"

"Thanks for the gift, hopefully the gift receipt is in the bag," Natasha fake smiled, "Enjoy the party."

"Fix the gifts Becky," she turned to Rebecca enunciating 'Becky', before walking away to go back to her friends.

"Told you she was the devil," Rebecca commented, ignoring Natasha's request.

"Yeah, you weren't lying," Elizabeth turned to look at Nat who was laughing with her friends.

Steve and Elizabeth said their final goodbyes a couple of hours later, and walked back to their rental car.

"That went well, don't you think?" Steve commented on as he started the car.

"Yeah it did," she lied.

Elizabeth decided it was probably best not to bring it up to Steve. He and Bucky just fixed their relationship, that she was afraid if she told Steve that Bucky wouldn't believe them. She would just have to hope that Bucky wouldn't allow their friendship to take another hit. She had faith that their friendship was stronger than that.

"Do you mind if we made a stop somewhere?" Steve asks her as he pulls away from the curb.

"No, of course not."

"Perfect. We just have to make one quick pit stop before," he says a few minutes later, parking in a parking lot of a cafe.

Steve walked back out of the cafe with a picnic basket.

"What's that for?" She asked smiling as he got in, putting the basket in the backseat.

"Just wait and see," he winked.

15 minutes later they were pulling up to a park.

"A park?"

"Thought we could have an impromptu picnic date," he smiles, "Wait here."

He got out of the car and grabbed the basket from the backseat. She heard him close and open the trunk. He then opened her door.

"Mi lady," he held his hand open for her to take.

"Oh why thank-you kind sir," she giggled taking his hand.

He led her to a nice spot on top of a hill, overlooking the park.

"Can you hold this for me real quick," he asked, holding out the picnic basket for her.

She took it from him as he laid out the blanket. Steve took the basket back and started to unpack the contents and laid them out on the blanket for them.

"A little dinner at sunset," he offered his hand so she can sit down next to him on the blanket.

"This was perfect Steve," she kissed his cheek, as they finished off their little dinner.

"Just thought I'd thank-you for coming with me today," he says wrapping his arm around her, as she leaned into him.

"You don't have to thank me."

"I know I don't, but I want to. I know you say you were fine with today, and I completely believe you, but I also know that even if you're okay with it, it's still can be uncomfortable," he says, "So I just want to show you how appreciative I am of you."

"I love you," she leans her head up to capture his lips with her's.

Age: 27

Year: 2021

Location: Brooklyn, NY

"Steve whats with the blind fold," Elizabeth giggled in the passenger seat of their rental car.

"It's a surprise," he laughed, "Now just be patient, we're almost there."

"Steve, come on you know I hate surprises."

"You liked the last surprise I gave you," he teased.

"It was a kitten, that's different," she smiled.

"You still loved it," he said, "Plus we're here already."

"Oh that was quick," she said reaching to take her blindfold off.

"Don't," he warned her, "Not yet."

Steve helped her out of the car, and linked their arms together as he led her to the surprise.

"Okay, we're here," he nervously said, he took her blindfold off.

Liz adjusted her eyes after being in the dark for the past 30 minutes. When she opened her eyes, she was greeted with a lantern lit up picnic on top of the hill at the park.

"Surprise," Steve said behind her.

Liz turned around to find Steve down on one knee, with an opened ring box.

"Steve," she gasped.

He took her left hand into his own.

"Elizabeth Carolina Sanchez, words can't even explain how much I am in love with you, but I'm going to try. I don't think i can remember back to a time where you weren't a part of my life, and honestly i don't want to. You've made me so incredibly happy these last almost seven years, and no matter how much I say I'm appreciate of you, i don't think it's ever going to be enough. Getting to wake up to you every day to you smiling at me, honestly i don't think there's a greater thing in the world. I'd give the entire world, if it meant that I got to see you smile every day of my life. I don't ever want to imagine a life without you. You've made me the best person I could ever want to be. There's not a day that doesn't go by where you don't continuously tell me how proud you are of me, and the endless amount of support and love you've given me. There's no one I'd rather spend my entire life with. Start a family with. Be a family with. So, Elizabeth, will you do me the greatest honor of marrying me?"

"Yes," Elizabeth choked out, as the tears streamed down her face. She lunged herself into Steve's arms and kissed him.

"I love you so much," she cried.

"I love you too," he said, pulling her into another kiss.

They pulled away, and Steve placed the ring on her finger.

"I love you," she said again.

[yn-dere]

La sorcière • Y!K.TH

Synopsis: The goddess Ashtoreth seemed to have found her worshipper.

Ship/s: Photographer!Taehyung x Antagonist/seductress!Reader

Warning/s: Angst, Yandere/Dark themes, Manipulation, Mentions of killing, Bored and mean reader.

(Note: this takes place in the late 19th century)

'It is not the quality of the desired object that gives us pleasure, but rather the energy of our appetites'

~ Charles Baudelaire, The end of Don Juan

A dejected summer, that's what it was. The suffocating air that leaves you sweltering in your corset but I am anything but, naked on my cold feet with a cigar between those gentil fingers, sluggishly looking out from my apartment window into the florid affluent streets which were once quite and reserved. The sounds of playful squabbling, the occasional delightful squeals of children, the ecstatic laughter of women did nothing to soothe that covetous feeling throbbing at the pit of my stomach. Nor did the family of stars splattered all across the dark night sky with the dazzling moon nowhere to be seen. They seemed to be mocking me with every sparkle, impersonating my woe by disappearing this second only to come back and laugh at my face. Oh well. It hurts my chest as I exhale out the smog; I forgot that I even took a drag. Not even smoke can replace that void in my lungs now.

This moment is slightly pleasant though, accompanied by the crisp breeze that blows in through the drapes, strong enough to make my locks flutter and trigger my cigar to litter on the window railing (that I'm not bothering to clean anytime soon) but not enough to take the glum away with it. The only thing that found me pleasant enough to return. And... the troubled men that found home in my cosy and welcoming bed. Neither of them were guaranteed.

Thinking about men, I glance back into the dark room to spot the man I chose for the night. Blissfully sound asleep between my covers, with a small but radiant smile adorning his regal face. He really emulated the beautiful night sky, the baby constellation spreading across his portrait in the form of les grains de beauté. The way the light reflected off of his unblemished face puts la lune to shame, almost looking as if it is it's own light source. His beauty truly was bewitching and I would've felt envious of it if I didn't know any better.

If I didn't own an enormous dressing mirror in the corner which kept reflecting the street lights back onto my eyes; it was adorned with pink crystals, fresh roses and myrtles, white feathers and burnt out incense that left behind a soft but strong scent. It truly looked like an altar for venus herself, towering over me to have me take a look at the highly sexual, supremely confident, alluring female that offers endless pleasure and a bit of... danger. At least, that's what people men see. And I agree with it. I know the expression does sound like something that would come out of Narcissus' mouth as he stares into his reflection but can you really blame me?

It's the huge impact left on me by years and years of society misjudging me as just another pretty face in the crowd. No matter how hard I worked on something, it would always be de-emphasized. All the blood, sweat and tears only to be wasted because individuals couldn't see the nimble brain past the pleasant portrait. I wanted to stand out, and I did at times but.. not in the way I wanted to. But soon enough, I began to convince myself that maybe this isn't so bad at all, and wearily...

... I accepted it.

I accepted my place in the stupid community as one of those women, a blood sucking succubus is just how they saw me to be exact. Mind you, I've never stood sturdy in any of my subjects until I slowly started to abuse my power and it made me feel competent and sure enough I felt powerful enough to destroy families, to get someone to chase me so feverishly that they lose control but I guess I was never that valuable to keep nor was I important enough for someone to actually care about me. The only difference between your pompous narrator here and a poor mistress is that I don't have a fickle of hope nor do I really care enough about a particular visitor to be left heartbroken.

It still kills me to feel impotent at the end of the day (or the start of the day, when they leave me with nothing). I feel like THE FOOL, a frail dog chasing a car....

....But as the lonely sun finally decides to set to rest and the family of stars gets more discernable with every shimmer against the dark and misty horizon; I, once again find myself repeating history as if my life's a record on the phonograph. But as one get sick of listening to the same song over and over again, there's a momentary pause... and then an appalling revelation; it's seems as though you've been singing the most important part of the song, the chorus, wrong.

And suddenly I can grasp it all..

.

.

.

You see, lust is what makes one take a glance at you. Temptation is what makes them throw caution in the air, when they know they shouldn't. But is it really enough to keep the attention on you? Is the beauty really enough for the sirens who beckon sailors to their destruction? If that was the case, wouldn't mermaids be able to do the same? Love is-

"...h-hey?"

That deep voice...

Then suddenly, lean icy fingers grabbed my arm and pulled me back into reality just when I started inching through the darkness in my mind.

Oh God. How did I not see him wake up? Especially with the mess he made in an effort to get up from the bed? One of the pillows accompanied with the sheets are on the floor... those velvet covers are really hard to wash. I will never forgive him for that.

But my irritation soon turned into embarrassment when I pondered over how crazy I must have looked, naked while just staring into my mirror with a cigar in hand. Or what was left of it, the soft ash on my fingers, my bare breasts and one of my thighs.

"Is everything a-alright?" He questioned. I looked down to his palm which was still holding my arm with a firm grip. He followed my gaze, his eyes widening slighting as he quickly let it go. "I m-mean, you were kind of dazed off or something. I thought..." he muttered after clearing his throat in a futile attempt at ceasing the stuttering. "Yeah.. I was just thinking about something" I replied as I looked up at his eyes and his orbs that were just suffering with nervousness and uncertainty were now swimming in curiosity. I couldn't help but let a giggle get past my lips. He hummed in response as his brows furrowed. "about.. this." I uttered, feigning a bashful look. His brows furrowed even further, creating small lines on his otherwise smooth forehead. "What do you mean by "this" ?" He seems to have forgotten his tense stance and the risqué side of me wanted to bring it back so I tried. "Our liaison, everything we did and...." if it weren't for the pin drop silence in the room, I would've never heard his breath hitching as he waited for me to continue. "Us." I finished with a whisper...

... After what seemed like an eternity of waiting for him to answer, my patience wore thin so I couldn't help but gently poke his chest. It surely did broke the trance he was in and the cute timid man was back. "Uh- I- uhm" he stuttered, looking at everything but my presence. I slowly started to feel the disappointment building up in the bottom of my stomach. Why do I when I didn't even expected anything else? If this is the only way it can go for me, why not have a little fun? I couldn't help but let out a smirk which I covered in a second, hoping he didn't see it. "I might be quite racy at times but I don't just do this with anyone. I thought I told you in the tavern that if you are to leave, leave already..." as soon as I finished bluffing the sadness in my voice, I casted my eyes downwards at his feet as I anticipated the same white lies but they never came. I awaited the "I will never leave you", "you're the best thing that ever happened" or my personal favorite one " I have a wife and kids that I love very dearly" but he didn't say anything. And just as I was about to look up, the smooth dark honey voice cut me off.

"And I thought I told you that I didn't want to follow you back home for whatever fleshly pleasures you had to offer.." the hint of disappointment was evident. This was a new one to add in the book, eh? "But because my precious cameras are all in vain without your figure and your lively soul.. like an empty canvas to an artist with no references or muse." My ears couldn't help but perk up as he continued, " Sure, they might not be too good at capturing the enigma that is you as the films only render in shades of grey which evidently fails to recognize the different shades of your blush and the undertones, but this is all that I have..."

It's his time to wait as I, for the first time, didn't know what to say. He opened his lips once again "I would be lying if I said I didn't gravely fell in love the second I took my first glance at you months ago. Love at first sight was never my thing but you cleared all my doubts about the idea". I wanted to mock him and tell him about how lust in first sight is a thing, not love but I rather chose to humor him. "That's what they all said..." I slowly look up at his face, looking at each and every feature carefully leaving out his mors than intense eyes. "Who are "they"?" He asked with a slight fury in his voice and the sharp edge of the words spoken almost gashed my already tainted soul. I wish I didn't faked the courage and take a glance into his orbs since I saw the immense anger and hatred through his narrowed eyes as he scrutinized my very existence. I withered uncomfortably under his glare, already regretting opening my mouth without thinking.

"You seriously didn't just compare me to those men, did you? After everything I've done? After I got rid of those hideous women that had nothing else to do but spread nasty rumours about you because the same husbands that couldn't get it up for them were lusting after you? Because they couldn't hold their husbands accountable so they were threatened by you?" He took a sharp but shaky breath before continuing, "Or after I got rid of those men who bonded over their heinous fantasies about violating you?..." I cover my mouth, I feel like throwing up. Not because I don't want to/can't believe it but because this is alot of information to take in in a few minutes. I heard him sigh and his voice suddenly changed from being gruff to soft in a second as he saw my terrified look, "you see these hands, sweetheart?" He said in a slightly coaxing voice as he laid his large hand on top of mine, "They were only used to clicking pictures of everything beautiful and developing them but now, they're stained with shed blood of anyone who dared to lay a finger on you.... You made me this way. You made me so empathetically challenged. You did this."

Me? Me...

I did this. I made him this way.

"How could you have been so blind?"

How could I have been so blind?

Maybe I didn't give myself enough credit.

And as he continued to stare into my frame with such adoration that it reminded me of what I was thinking about before he startled me by waking up...

As I was saying previously, lust is what makes one take a glance at you. Temptation is what makes them throw caution in the air, when they know they shouldn't but it's still not enough to keep the attention on you. Love is. It is the greatest weapon of all. It's the most exceptional power that you can have over someone. Making them do what they never thought they ever would do, act in ways they might've mocked previous to meeting you, taking up any space in their mind that was left for rationality and instead plaguing it with sweet obsession. Not even fear dares to compete with love when it comes to power. If anything, they go hand in hand. It truly turns a mermaid to a siren.

Wow. It's not the family of stars that I envied, who would want to look like some aliens just jizzed all over the sky? I was made to be la lune, who with all her blemishes littering her skin still stood unfazed as her admirers wrote poems about her beauty. It's not the homely women that I envied, I have always been quite sophisticated but I just wanted to belong somewhere.

I wanted power over someone or something.

And the thought of me making this man do the most vile acts of crime that humanity cannot even begin to visualize in their brains flared up the familiar feeling of ascendency and competency but this time? It was about to stay. Why? Because he is to stay.

I softly smiled at that thought and slowly held my small hands up to his face to caress his cheeks. The shyness got to him as he squeezed his eyes shut to relish in the contact without having to look at my amused face. I could feel him slowly shaking under finger tips, his face was warm unlike the rest of his body. The effect that my small gesture had on him is unlike anything I've ever seen or experienced. This isn't vulgar, this is sensual. And sure, what I feel might not be love but it has one thing in common with it. It's a drug. A high we're both on, and not even my cigar, my only companion for so long can compete with it.

Let's see how long this lasts before I drain all life out of him... or maybe, this is forever but I doubt. Then again, he- wait a minute... what's his name, again? This is going to suck. As I was saying, he does like to surprise me so let's hope for the best.

"Okay, let's just forget we met like this... hello, my name's y/n", I reached out for his hand to shake with a small smile on my face. He erupted into giggles as he took my hand, "Nice to meet you y/n, this is taehyung." Taehyung. Oh taehyung. And suddenly the cheerful atmosphere turned into something sinister as I pulled him in.

"Taehyung, I am like a raging flame.. don't be a moth and get too close or I might destroy you" I whispered in my raspy voice, the smirk that played in my rouge lips being incredibly devilish along with that red unnatural glint in my eye.

"I want to be destroyed."

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Ro

Ali: hey, what you reading? Ro: White Nights, the Dostoyevsky short story, at present Ali: Ooh, nothing like some Russian realism on a pleasant Summer's day Ali: cool you down better than any cheap fan Ro: Quite Ro: The sun is fiercer than my determination to finish this volume Ali: Let me know if it's worth a read myself Ali: Idk how you concentrate with Bea and Fraze going on Ro: I don't think you'd enjoy it, but of course, you're always free to make your own mind up Ro: It occurs so often it's essentially white noise, no? Ali: Valid Ali: Clearly I'm just nosy 😜 Ali: gotta know who I'm rooting for on this one, like Ro: Have you picked a side yet? Ali: from what i can ascertain Ali: Bea felt left out when Fraze and his friends went to the pub without her Ali: so, I can see that Ali: but also, when you're glued at the hip as much as they are, I also see the benefits of having some time apart, of course Ro: Oh Ro: How foreign it feels to align with Bea on, well...frankly any subject Ro: Of course I won't voice it and disturb the equilibrium Ro: Pleasant summer's day and everything, as you said Ali: Pity it can't be on something more happy-making Ali: Why not? They've got no problem doing so Ali: Add another voice to the conversation, babe Ro: Such is life, connected only in misery alas Ro: They barely want to hear what each other are saying, any contribution I made would only be lost in the fray Ro: Much like how Bluebeard has treated my kind offering Ali: Doesn't have to be, get in touch with your anger and there'd be endless bonding material Ali: He is a cat with very little manners Ro: That is one area I may never come close to competing with her and thus, shy away from the attempt Ro: True, not a faithful companion but a constant one nevertheless Ro: In so far as there is light coming through the leaves where I reside Ro: But I doubt anyone can compete with Rocky's loyalty this afternoon, talk about joined at the hip Ali: Fair, she's a pro Ali: Not enviable, really, but impressive nonetheless Ali: Who doesn't love a bit of komorebi? He's big into wabi-sabi too, VERY Japanese in his philosophy Ali: Bless, its so sweet, he's ALMOST being cute Ali: He might be a little demon but he does remember his Ps and Qs, nice one, Ma Ro: Fraze certainly is impressed by it. I however, don't know which is more abhorrent, when they fight or make up Ro: Though I am sure that if they insist upon kissing I'll have to take my leave Ro: Indeed Ro: Enviable of him, at least Ro: We can't accuse him of wishing Carly off your lap to take her place, that's years past his fancy, so he must like her without ulterior motives Ro: Tess is being rather well behaved herself, though it is undeniably problematic that she finds more happiness when you have a girlfriend instead of a boy in your life Ali: I think even they'll have the good grace to wait 'til after the festivities for that one Ali: Or find somewhere a bit more private 😂 Ali: Summer lovin' baby, can't fight that high note Ali: Right? Wouldn't be caught dead, nevermind if I got the pictures out to show how he used to let us dress him up Ali: that'd be a real brawl, take note guys Ali: Yeah, ain't looking that gift horse in the mouth though Ali: if she's happy so am I Ro: Well she certainly appears to be so Ro: Perhaps she'll take Rocky home with her, we'd have a solid few minutes before he was returned, I'm sure Ro: Less if you did get the pictures out and his mood took a turn Ali: He'd be buzzin' Ali: Endless supply of other kids on the site Ali: but I give it less than that 'til he wrecked their van, her parents would not be wid it Ro: She actually does live there then? Hard to separate the facts from the school lead fiction sometimes Ro: I mean, it makes sense but Ali: Yes she does but perhaps you're still working under other misapprehensions if that 'makes sense'? Ro: She has the aesthetic the sort of girl who would live in a caravan, or perhaps old van in times past Ro: That's all I'm saying Ro: It would make sense if her parents were travelers Ali: She isn't, though if you need her to have an exotic culture to get behind then feel free to labour under it Ali: I certainly hope we don't have the aesthetic of the sort of girls who live in the suburbs Ali: or the narrow mindset Ro: I don't need anything from her and I wasn't trying to give or take any traits for or from the girl Ro: Just making conversation Ro: I thought you'd appreciate me trying to discover more about her Ro: Now that she's such a presence in your life Ali: Now's your chance, whilst she's actually here herself Ali: even my perspective is still secondhand, if fairer, in my humble opinion, than playground gossip Ro: You know I don't listen to that Ro: I have my own first hand experience of the unfairness of it Ali: I know that, but I also know we're all prone to forgetting to be objective in the face of a bias we want to confirm Ro: Agreed Ro: But I know too that you yourself are bias and inevitably see what you wish to, when it comes to her Ro: To an outsider, which I am, she appears quite different Ali: Are you honestly worried about how my misinterpretation of her might affect me? Ali: An outsider, by your choosing, might I add Ro: Of course I am Ro: That's all I'm worried about Ro: Are you honestly suggesting that you wish for me to included when your actions suggest otherwise? Ro: In spite of your prior words, might I add Ro: Not to mention Carly's own. I very much doubt she would aspire to join me in a sewing circle or tea of an evening Ali: I appreciate your concern but its unwarranted, I can assure you Ali: I'm not loveblind Ali: and surely you see the possibility that because I know her better, I know things that negate appearances from the outside and first impressions? Ali: Of course I do! Trust me, none of us take great joy in you exiling yourself Ali: Just because she's different, doesn't mean you don't have things in common Ali: Being good people, one of them, but more than you are giving credit for, by the way Ro: I can see lots of possibilities, believe me Ro: But you do love her? Ro: Or have I made another wrong impression about that also Ali: I do Ro: Okay Ali: That doesn't mean you have to buy a nice hat and really lean in to getting along but Ali: she's going to be my friend now, whatever happens with the romance side of things Ali: so, you're going to need to learn to live with that idea, for your own sake more than mine but yes, it would be nice Ali: I don't like seeing you like this, 'nor do I like arguing with you Ali: At all Ro: I'm sorry Ro: I hate arguing with you too, more than anything Ro: Definitely more than any reservations I may have, misplaced or otherwise, about Carly Ro: Do you two have plans after the BBQ winds down? I'm willing to try and be more social if she is indeed staying Ali: I'm sorry too, not for being with Carly but that you're feeling this way Ali: I'd really like to rectify that so that sounds perfect Ro: Maybe we could read her tarot for her? Ro: Do you think that's something she'd like Ali: That'd be awesome, I've told her about some of our exploits Ali: We can teach her Ro: I hope not all! Ro: Her believing I'm offering tea to poison it is not the idea Ali: 'Course not Ali: We still have our secrets, Posy Ali: but I'm glad to know you're not scheming on the sly 😉 Ro: I would never Ro: She has yet to do me that wrong Ali: Did you know Laoise beat her up the other night? Ali: Over literally nothing, she's not learnt her lesson AT ALL 😒 Ro: Oh my god Ro: In that case we absolutely must teach Carly some things Ali: 😈 Ro: I try not to hold hatred in my heart for anyone but that girl is a test Ali: Loving her would make Jesus cry Ali: and not in the #goals way she reckons Ali: You're not that kinda bad, honey Ro: Who won the fight? Ro: I hope it was Carly Ali: Sadly it was more of a close call kinda affair Ali: gotta teach her how to land a decent K.O. amongst other things Ali: but you leave that one to me 🥊😘 Ro: Having a common enemy may not make her my friend but I'll admit to having more affection for her now Ali: See? I told you, more in common than you thought Ali: Not gotta be besties but its at least worth a laugh at Laoise's expense Ro: Yes Ro: And Carly really does seem very happy to be here Ro: with you Ali: I hope so Ali: Her life isn't filled with enough happiness, so whatever I can do Ro: And I promise I'll try to do what I can as well Ro: If only blessings on the sly Ali: Thanks, Ro Ali: it feels right having you back on side Ro: For me too Ro: Although I also promise that I always am when it comes to you Ro: I might be slightly put out of joint, sometimes, but never off side Ali: And the same is returned tenfold, you know that Ro: I love you, Ali Ali: I love you too