#it mostly be fandom pieces maybe some originals if people really like those but mostly fandom!

[sukibenders]

Some in the HOTD fandom really don't care about black people or their voices, and it shows especially during conversations about the portrayal of black characters. I've been seeing an uptick mostly in regards to the possibility that Ryan Cordal may merge Rhaena's and Nettles's storylines and, while I'm not finished with the book (audiobook) nor have reached Nettles part, I don't want that to happen for a couple of reasons. However, it's very apparent the very "here, there!" energy some have when people complain about this by going "But they made the Velaryons, this great house, black! Corlys and his family, his children, and grandchildren are black, so what's the problem?" If they actually cared then they would have gathered the issue a long time ago, but instead, they play ignorant. I've stated some of the issues of HOTD's treatment of black characters in my post about Laena (+ featuring Baela, Rhaena, and even Laenor), but one really annoying thing is the belief that just making these characters black was enough. This is a very common theme that I see with some who go "Oh, we don't mind that you changed the race of this/these character(s)" but only as long as they remain in the background after that change, completely ignoring how, in the original text, said character was given more to do than what is shown after the change.

I was very excited to hear that the Velaryons would be played by black actors, especially after hearing all the things that happen in the books, but then I get little to nothing from the show in those regards. Many vital plot points for these characters have been skipped over, or rushed, or just plain ignored and yet whenever we criticize it we're met with people saying we should just be happy that we got something. That we get to be in it at all. And it's very apparent the disparities in treatment because I've seen think pieces and the praises they receive when people call out how HOTD portrays Rhaenyra, or Alicent, or Daemon and many of the other white characters (which is fine, as it makes since because there are big differences) but it's crickets or passive aggressiveness when it comes to the black and other poc characters. Sometimes they can't even have any plot of their own without it relating back to their white counterparts (eg. Laena's dragonriders death being brought back to Rhaenyra to elevate her, or her death just being used as a stepping stone to bring Daemyra onscreen). I remember seeing people being mad at Rhaena for daring to be upset at being sent away, not even bothering to see her side of things and calling her selfish and whiny because she dared to make the decision harder on Rhaenyra. Like gods forbid black and brown characters get testy because suddenly it's a problem.

Another argument I see when it comes to Nettles involvement is because, apparently, "there are already black characters in the show" as if that, not only, ignores the treatment they face but also acts as a reason as to why she can't be added to the show. Why can't there be more black characters? Why do they only have to be silver-haired or illegitimate children to be important? Like, at this point, say what you want to say out loud. And I know that some don't want her added because of how it makes Rhaenyra look (because I know she says some nasty and borderline racist things in the books) and the show has a thing for not making her, or other members of TB, morally dubious/complex, as well as splits Daemyra and, if that's the case, JUST SAY SO! Stop creating fake think pieces when you really just don't like this black character because you don't want her to take away from your favorite white incest ship, which, in HOTD, is already crashing and burning from what it seems at this point. Like Nettles and Daemon could still be a thing, maybe with some slight changes, and Rhaenyra could still be involved (because I think these three characters are connected plotwise, from what I've seen so far, so it wouldn't really make sense to split them up) by making her see the same grooming tendencies that Daemon used for her toward Nettles, maybe she gets protective if they want to follow HOTD canon. Maybe not, who knows, but in the end erasing this prevalent black character does nothing helpful to the story just gives some of these fans the ability to not see more black people in their fantasy genre.

[brightsstar]

I think i'm gonna go with the theory of Sun being able to detect wither shards and not being affected by them came from the fact he killed a witherstorm in the past.

For newer fans who may not have backwatched, there was a mini series back when OG Eclipse existed where he dropped Sun and Moon in a minecraft world with a witherstorm almost assembled. Sun just had to put the final skull on it to make it come to life. So that started this 3 day gaming series of them preparing and then later defeating the witherstorm that Sun created, which Sun also killed it.

I actually was working on an art piece shortly after those videos came out but i didn't finish it, which was this:

This is about 2 years old at this point-

But it may explain Sun's affinity with the wither shards and why they don't affect him. So, if this is the case, i guess OG Eclipse did Sun a favor.

Also, i'm probably going to depict the shards as corrupted nether stars. For people who also may not know, the witherstorm originated from a game called Minecraft Story Mode, and it does exactly what they say it does on the show. It consumes until there is nothing left. Defeating it in both M:SM and the regular game drops a special nether star. (Witherstorm is a mod, btw, Not in the vanilla game) I believe those could be the shards.

I think it'd be fascinating if that witherstorm mini series ends up becoming relevant in that way, and i'm eager to see how they figure out Sun's new ability with the shards. Cuz even if those were gaming videos, they were also lore relevant. This is part of why i also like to watch the gaming videos, but only partly. Mostly it was because i just enjoy their content. And plus, SAMS got me into a couple new fandoms through the gaming videos, namely Billie Bust Up and Indigo Park. (Speaking of, i have one of the GITD Barnaby plushies, and I am getting one of the Rambley plushies!) And some gaming videos do have actual lore! Like, Eclipse first made his presence known during one of their gaming videos, for example. A Teardown gaming video.

Speaking of the gaming videos, i really miss them. Love the lore and all, but i miss them just being silly and playing games together. I was hoping they'd go back to doing that after Moon came back, but they haven't. I think they have done only 2-3 gaming videos since he came back.

Anyways.. that's just some of my thoughts. I think the nether star that Sun and Moon left their witherstorm encounter with may have affected Sun and may be why he can detect, track, and even be unfazed by the effects of the shards. Maybe his newely obtained magic finally kickstarted that ability of his.

[king-paimon]

Houseki no Kuni Chapter 103 Thoughts: Can't Stop the Inevitable But It'll Be OK (Maybe...)

Hello hello hello. Long time no see, Houseki no Kuni fandom! How have you all been? It's been a while. That hiatus Ms. Haruko Ichikawa took much longer than expected. That's fine by me because I've been pretty busy these past few months. Mostly the usual stuff; had some major ups and downs for me and those who I care about, annoying work/life events, though I had the wonderful opportunity to branch out and meet people who could help me with my career, found some new stuff to obsess over, etc. I honestly forgot about Houseki no Kuni for a little while until I saw the announcement about the latest chapter.

And now here we are.

This chapter was very dialogue heavy, though fairly straightforward. It seems to confirm some of the thoughts and theories other fans and myself had made back in chapter 102, though I left me asking a few new questions. They aren't big questions, but I just can't help but wonder...

This will definitely be one of my shorter posts because I don't have any big analytical thoughts here, just with lots of pictures from the chapter, so I'll make sure to add the spoiler tag. As always, please feel free to share your own thoughts in this post and sorry in advance for any mistakes or ramblings. Might add more later, but I can't promise anything.

Anyways, here we go!

It'll Be OK: Liberation Of Internalized Suffering

The interaction in this chapter was interesting. Like I stated above, this chapter confirms that Phos is scared of corrupting the new rock species or being the catalyst that would cause humanity to come back. They don't want to be the source of suffering again, even if it meant destroying the very last remaining piece of their original self. They were ready to do whatever it took to prevent that from happening, even by having the entity who hated humanity do the deed.

But what surprised me a little in this chapter was Eyeball. For one, even though he could have fulfilled Phos's request, he didn't. He claims that there's only a trace of humanity on Phos's remaining piece, but states that it'd go away over time, therefore there's no reason to destroy it, even though Phos initially wanted that. I'll get back to this part later.

The other thing that surprised me was how Eyeball was able to placate Phos's current mindset, at least for a little bit, and he do it in an interesting way. Eyeball basically told Phos "Hey, your fear might come true... but it'll be okay. If if comes to that, I'll figure something out. And you shouldn't worry too much about it even if it happens because all things will come to an end one day, including us, and things will start over again in some way. There's no point in stressing about that future, so don't worry about it."

In some ways, I kind of see this as Eyeball liberating Phos by taking some of their burdens onto himself by him stating that he'd be the one to figure out what to do if humanity did come back, not Phos, all the while dispelling Phos's other concerns by stating that Phos shouldn't waste their time worrying about what could happen. Phos's fears might come true... but so what? That's just how things go. Somethings are just out of your control and change is inevitable. Yes, it's stressful to worry about but that's just how it is. That's the strange beauty of it all, at least that's how I see it.

And I don't know about you, but I just really liked Eyeball's monologue through these pages.

In the end, I think this interaction helped Phos by the fact that despite their fears, they chose to tell the pebbles about what the Professor said and humanity. Because even though Phos understands that humanity is capable of doing horrible things, thanks to their own experience as a sufferer and perpetrator, they also understand that there are parts of humanity that is capable of creating wonderful things. I'm glad that Phos is the one who wants to take this task. Despite everything, Phos is taking it upon themselves to be the one to teach these aspects to the pebbles so they can have the freedom to figure out how they can learn and evolve from this point onwards. It may lead to a better version of "humanity" or it could lead to something very similar. Who knows? But at least Phos is (hopefully) giving them what they need to figure themselves out.

What will come from this interaction is anyone's guess and I'm hoping we will soon see within the next, and hopefully last, couple of chapters.

The Last Piece Of The Past: Why Keep it?

One of the things that this chapter left me questioning was the final piece of the original Phosphophyllite. Not only is this the last remainder of Phos, but it may be the very last piece of the last human descendants; not just for the gems, but for the admirabilis and the lunarians. If what Eyeball said about the Lunarians intentionally leaving a piece of Phos's untarnished self behind is true, my question.. is why? Why did they leave this behind in Phos?

Was this for Phos's benefit somehow? Is it supposed to remind them of their origins or who they represented they obtained their final deity form? Or is the piece supposed to serve as some sort of artifact that could be beneficial for future organisms that would form over the course of time?

At this point, I have no clue. If anyone has any theories, please feel free to add them or post them!

Until Next Time! (Hopefully sooner than 4 months...)

That's honestly all that I have at this point in time for this post. I may come back to it and add more, but I can't promise anything. I don't know how my future posts for the hopefully last chapters will go, but I'll be honest... I can't wait to see it end. I enjoyed this story and I'm still looking forward to see what happens next, but I'm ready to it end.

For those of you who like these rambles, thank you so much! I still love seeing everyone's thoughts and I can't wait to see what people think of this chapter.

Hopefully this will be the last hiatus Ms. Ichikawa will have and we'll be facing the true final stretch of this story.

Or maybe we'll face another hiatus after another couple of chapters.

We'll see.

See you later!

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Ok but was there any characters in specific for the wlw smut in your mind? 👀

I’ve toyed with the idea of flipping two of my Everlark fics that I started for charity collections to original wlw stories. There would be smut in those.

I often toy with the idea of expanding my fic writing into the Madge/Johanna realm. They’re my favorite definitely not canon compliant couple. Yeah yeah, as far as we know, they never even meet each other in canon, but see if I care. They’re often a side pairing in my Everlark stories and they almost always have a rich story in my head. Really the only reason I haven’t written or shared those is because it’s very difficult for me to take that leap when I already have so many Everlark pieces I’m already in the middle of writing. Interaction on Everlark writing feels like it’s been slowly shrinking again, and I know there’s not much of an audience for the Madge/Johanna pairing. With the new book coming out, there will be even less as attention shifts to whatever new characters we get, whichever already known characters we see more of. So 🤷🏻‍♀️ maybe someday, just not today. Who knows, maybe there will be a wlw pairing I like from the new book.

And finally… Sometimes I like to dream about being brave enough to post fem!Everlark. But also I’m a coward. I’ve seen two people become disenfranchised with the fandom because they wrote fem!everlark and took a lot of harassment for it, and I kind of feel like why bother if there are wankers who are gonna be loud, obnoxious assholes about it still? I have been gaining more confidence about this in recent months tho, with the reception that Spellbound!Peeta has been receiving and with the mostly positive and neutral response to one of my future fic ideas I talked about a few months ago. Fem!everlark Tangled AU with Peeta as Rapunzel and Katniss as Eugene. There are other ideas, but that would be the one I start with if I took that leap. So I’m not ruling it out. Just not ready to dive in until I wrap up some of my current WIPs.

[xthelastknownsurvivorx]

Writing Patterns

List the first sentence of your last 10 AO3 works.

(I’ve also seen the “and the last sentence” variant, so I went ahead and did that.)

Thanks for the tag @bbcphile and your patience with me getting to it! Everything here is red, white, and royal blue stuff for mostly the same ship, though I think 2024 will see some other fandoms as well

Doesn't He Know (I've had Him Memorized for So Long) — one shot

first: "Get in, loser, I have coffee."

last: "Yeah, I'm sure."

Every Time My Heart Swings Back to You — 16 chapters

first: "Gabriel of Cleremont, former knight of Lord Beringar's house. Accused and convicted of attempted sodomy with His Royal Highness Prince James."

last: Maybe fate had a hand in leading them to each other, but this is Alex's choice. And it feels pretty damn good.

Not a Day I Don't Miss (Those Rude Interruptions) — one shot

first:

Alex, Had to go early for a family matter. Left with the PPOs. Didn't want to wake you. Thank you for everything. X

last: And all Henry is left with, for the rest of his life, is the feel of Alex's name on his lips.

Red, White, and Royal Switcheroo — one shot

first: "There are a lot of things worth over thinking, believe me. But this isn't one of them."

last: i meant to ask - star wars and luke huh? i've always been more of a han solo guy

SNL | Season 45 Episode 2 | HRH Prince Henry & FSOTUS Alex Claremont-Diaz — 4 chapters

first: TITLE: Categate Cold Open

last: Maybe his trip to London in a few months won't be so bad after all

Burn (They're Watching Us/I Hope That They) — lyric rewrite

first: I cherished each email you wrote me

last: I hope the world burns

Some Element of Mystery — 2 chapters (5+1 things)

first: Alex is having an existential crisis. Has been having an existential crisis for the past two hours.

last: Honestly, maybe Alex should have led with that all along.

Satisfied (Never Have Been, Never Will Be) — lyric rewrite

first: "All right, all right, that's what I'm talking about!"

last: He will never be satisfied, I will never be satisfied

The Frustrating, Intoxicating, Complicated Sum of Him — one shot

first: "Your Highness, we have arrived."

last: "No," Alex says as he shuts the door behind him, "I wouldn't."

Weird That It Happened Twice — one shot

first: "Do I really have to go through with this stupid tradition? There's so much more good I could be doing, actual people I could be pardoning instead of two modern day raptors."

last: But before he goes, he glares at Cornbread and Stuffing and says, "If it were up to me, ya'll would not be getting pardoned tomorrow."

--

Patterns:

For opening lines, I like to drop the reader immediately into the scene. Most of the time I seem to use dialogue to achieve this, but sometimes I'll borrow a line from the original piece of media.

My endings are a little less consistent. I might end on the main character musing on something that happened or central theme to the story. Or I could also be a bit more open and end on some sort of dialogue that's hopeful and hints at what might come afterwards. Other times, I just write the ending that comes the most naturally to me and feels like the appropriate conclusion.

I feel like it's been a while since is went around, so feel free to ignore if you've already done this @happiness-of-the-pursuit @14carrotghoul @affectionatelyrs @cactusdragon517 @suseagull04 and open tag as always

[hazbinshusk]

Heyo, I've been curious for a bit because you're really consistent with the fanfictions you write (which I'm so thankful for, it leaves a bunch for me to catch up on my days off) buuuut how long does it usually take you to write? How does the planning process go? And any advice you'd give to writers?

You've been doing lovely lately with the kinktober fics, your words are nom nomable 💜

hello, my love!

honestly, the idea that I'm in anyway consistent now is still mind-blowing to me lol. I think right now, it's just a combination of the hyperfixation still going strong, having people who actually interact with me about my writing which gives me motivation to write, and not having the energy to go anywhere on weekends lol.

in truth, I just had two weeks off work, and I wrote about 15 of the fics for kinktober in those two weeks. It's definitely going to be slowing down again soon now that I'm back at work and tired all the time because of it.

it depends on the fic - I tend to write smut faster (not really sure why), so if I get stuck on the dialogue in the lead up, then a fic could take me longer. Once I start the smut, it's much quicker. I'm also a massive procrastinator, even on stuff I enjoy, so while a fic might only take me a few hours all together, that could be spread over a few days. I get the bulk of the writing done on my weekends - during the kinktober writing there were some days where I could knock out three or four fics in a day because the motivation was flowing. Other days I'll sit in front of the laptop and I can barely get a few sentences out.

In terms of planning, I don't really have big plans. There's a husk fic I'm cooking at the moment that in my head has some legs, but the 'plan' is just a tab on the sticky note app with a list of kinks that serve as what each chapter would be lol. I have one saved away for another fandom that has, like every chapter planned out as a dot point, some with dialogue ideas, and transcripts from the original text to work in where needed (and I haven't touched it in months).

For the oneshots, sometimes I'll have a few dot points of stuff I know I want to have in there, but it's mostly just write and see what comes out - if I'm trying to fit a mould I've made, sometimes my asshole of a brain decides it won't be able to fit thoughts into that mould and I end up screwing it up for myself.

In terms of advice, the best I can say is write for yourself? the minute writing begins to feel like a chore, I lose the spark. It's why I'm trying to be really open about requests not having any time frame - my last fandom I overloaded myself with requests and it ended up feeling more like work than fun. Pairing that with the fact that I would write requests for people and they wouldn't reblog or like or let me know if they even liked it... it sucked. But now, it's for me, most of all. I love all of you so much for enjoying it and taking time to do things like this and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but I need to keep in mind that I am, first and foremost, writing for me.

maybe not the most practical or helpful piece of advice, but its what came to mind :)

[amnevitahwritesstuff]

A fanfic writer finds herself sucked into her own story after battling with writer’s block and is not allowed to leave until she finishes it. Chaos ensues.

Fandom: A Court of Thorns and Roses

Pairing: Original Female Character/Rhysand

Rating: Mature

Triggers: N/A

Chapters: 1, 2 (WIP)

AO3 Link

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1: In Which I am Held Hostage in My Own Fanfic. (Help)

This document was taunting me.

I slammed my laptop shut with the kind of disgusted frustration normally only reserved for telemarketers and people who cut in line at the supermarket. It had been months since I had managed to write more than a few words (which were then quickly deleted) and once again today was looking to be more of the same.

Fucking writer’s block.

Didn’t every piece of advice about writer’s block say you just needed to get up and do something else if the words weren’t coming? Good advice in theory, but so far all that had resulted in for me was a frankly embarrassing amount of trashy reality TV consumed and exactly zero words written.

Like a masochist, I re-opened my laptop just so I could look through my inbox and scroll through the many comments demanding to know when the next chapter was coming out.

Still no chapter?

I really love this fic! Any news on when the next chapter is coming out?

next chapter plz?

It’s been a while. Are we sure this hasn’t been abandoned?

When are you going to update?

“If I knew that, I would tell you,” I muttered.

With a sigh of defeat I closed my computer again. Maybe I did need to give up? The words that had once come so easily those first few chapters had now stalled out like the inspiration faucet had been abruptly turned off. Now, whenever I sat in front of my laptop, my brain just went…blank. No words. No scenes.

Nothing.

I didn’t know how professional authors did this every day and just pushed through it. And they had actual editors and publishers on their ass about deadlines. All I had were a handful of people in my comment section wondering why I’d gone from posting every week to posting once a year (if they were lucky).

Knowing I would be getting nothing else done tonight, I dragged myself to the kitchen to make some dinner.

Maybe things would be better tomorrow.

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Things were not better tomorrow.

At first I didn’t notice anything amiss. I awoke as I usually did, smashing my face back into my pillow and hoping the sun would have the decency of disappearing for another hour.

Then someone shook my shoulder.

Which was quite a shock since I didn’t live with anyone.

I jolted up to an unfamiliar blonde staring down at me in a most aggrieved fashion, as if I were inconveniencing her in some way.

“Get up. You should’ve been awake hours ago!” I stared at her as she turned and made her way to the other side of the…cabin? Was I in a cabin?

…Why was I in a cabin?

And who the hell was that?

I blinked at unfamiliar surroundings as my brain tried to process what the fuck was going on. The cabin was barely bigger than my living room, with an ancient looking wood stove and two women already bustling about in…were those ballgowns? And corsets? It suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t see a single modern amenity anywhere. It was like I’d been dropped into the 19th century.

“Feyre! Get up! Dinner isn’t going to catch itself!”

Feyre.

She’d called me Feyre.

Clarity hit me like a punch to the face.

I was…this was…

I laughed.

And laughed.

And then I cried.

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It took a while for me to reign in the hysterics. Frankly, I thought I was doing pretty great for someone who had just found themselves in a fictional house with fictional people. I’d only cried for a whole hour!

Elain seemed especially worried as she handed me a mug of tea (weak tea, I soon discovered as I tried to contain my grimace) and rubbed my back soothingly. Nesta mostly just seemed disturbed. Had Feyre ever really had a breakdown in front of her sisters? I imagined not if this was their response to my meltdown.

“Are you alright?” Elain asked for the tenth time in the last hour.

I just nodded. How else was I supposed to respond? ‘Hi, I’m not actually your sister, I just seem to be borrowing her body for a bit? Oh and, by the way, you’re all not real’?

Nesta just narrowed her eyes.

Suddenly, all I could think of was that dumb ‘Don’t be suspicious’ song from Parks and Rec. I forced down another hysterical giggle.

Jesus. Get it together.

“Just…a weird dream…” I lied lamely.

Oh yeah, Nesta didn’t believe a word.

At least Elain seemed sympathetic.

“I’m just gonna…go hunt now…” Yep. Not suspicious at all.

I was so eager to be away from these uncannily unnerving fictional people though that I didn’t really care what came out of my mouth, just as long as it got me out the door and as far away from them as possible.

“Are you sure…?” Elain asked but I was too busy grabbing the first cloak I spied on a hook by the door and rushing out of it like the hounds of hell were nipping at my heels.

It was cold outside.

That was my first thought as I emerged into the snowy forest outside. My second thought was that this was way too vivid to be a dream. Because, of course, this had to be a dream…right?

Right?!

It was as I stood there, shivering and in a complete daze, that I saw it. There, in the snow, was something…written. As if scratched into the snow with a stick.

This isn’t a dream.

I blinked.

I read it again.

What the fuck?

I glanced around, wondering who the fuck wrote this, but saw nothing but endless snow and frozen trees.

Was this a joke?!

I glanced back down at the writing but discovered something even more alarming.

It was gone. Now replaced with a new sentence.

It’s not a joke either.

“What the fuck?!” I whispered.

This time I spied new words in a different patch of snow nearby.

Oh, stop so being dramatic.

“Excuse me?” I felt like a complete lunatic speaking to a bunch of words written into the snow, but frankly this entire morning had been beyond insane so honestly talking to the snow was the least of my worries.

Again, I found myself looking around for a reply and found it scratched into the wood of a tree with its bark stripped away.

You should be thanking me.

What.

What the fuck did that mean?

Again, I spied a new sentence whittled into a tree just behind the first.

I’m helping us finish our fic.

I frowned.

“…What?” Maybe I truly had lost it.

No seriously, a new sentence read, this time scratched onto a rock. You’ve been so whiny lately about how you can’t write anything so I decided to take drastic measures.

“Drastic measures?” I whispered as a sinking feeling began to take root.

Don’t act like you haven’t already figured it out. The writing continued, back in the snow. It’s genius really! If you’re stuck in there then you’ll have no choice but to finish it!

I suddenly felt hot and cold all over. I felt faint. I felt…

“What do you mean?”

Because that’s the only way you’re getting out, said a new series of words scribbled into the frost over the cabin window like an ominous warning.

“What?!”

Have fun!

And in the blink of an eye all the writing everywhere had vanished. And no new words appeared. They was gone.

I sat in the snow then, mind reeling as Feyre’s borrowed threadbare clothing grew cold and damp and a slow and horrifying realization came over me.

I had just been talking…to myself.

I had done this…to myself.

And I was so fucked.

[talkinbouttinygames]

FAREWELL. - A Send-Off to Blaseball

I’ve got no way to put this that it’ll make sense to someone who wasn’t there. But I’ll try my best, because at this point, recollections are what’s left. The stories told – about something really, really excellent. I said it in my original coverage, but stories are Blaseball. The names and the stats and data are just the materials the fans steals to collage into a narrative of strife and struggle and the whims of fate and community, and it was like nothing else I’ve seen before. And I doubt I’ll easily see it again.

It makes sense. Blaseball in its entire run has never been sustainable in a healthy way. Despite being about as lightweight as you could make a kind of game, it just wasn’t enough for the fast pace. Things like the sun being swallowed by a black hole or the Grand Unslam are wonderful legend pieces, but they’re also proof of the game’s frailty, and the fact that they were embraced by the fandom is partly a stroke of luck. It’s pretty clear that Blaseball can easily run you dry—I myself was rather checked out during the Expansion Era, which I now regret despite circumstances at the time—I don’t blame the Game Band for deciding continuing the game wasn’t worth it. Maybe if the game had been drafted with sustainability from the start, requiring a subscription like an MMO and on a TV show schedule… but it was made as an off-hand project born of frustration at impotence in times of crisis for the sake of profit, a gift of the internet. The way it took off and grew probably wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t you could just sign up for.

Of course, “took off” might be a bit of hyperbole. It exceeded the Game Band’s expectations after they passed the game around to some friends, sure. But the fact is that despite the overwhelming love from the fans, Blaseball is really quite terribly small and niche in the grand scheme of the internet. It mostly existed on Twitter, a site whose future existence is a great deal more precarious than it was around a year ago. It’s very liable to become a piece of passing trivia, or obscure nostalgia, supposing no Youtuber video essayist makes a rundown that goes 7-figures viral. Obviously, as a man writing for a ‘zine mostly read by his patient friends, I’ve not nearly that influential, but I want to say: Blaseball will not be forgotten, not by me. I love(d) it and it opened my eyes to a wondrous form of narrative and I’ll be thinking about it for the rest of my life.

It was a game of rotten systems, about how disparate people across groups can work as a greater community in order to rebel against those systems, and yes, through rebellion be punished—sometimes dearly for it—but never negating the existence of the rebellion in the first place. It was a lovely loom for weaving sports narrative and the fandom (a good chunk of whom are not sports fans) provided thread with passionate fervor. It was a wonderful testament to collective play and the act of giving a shit.

I’d advise any Blaseball fan to save and archive (preferably physically somewhere) any and all Blaseball media they’ve got on their socials or elsewhere. Even aside from the now seemingly imminent Twitterpocalypse, the Blaseball wiki exists primarily as a way to dispense the events of Blaseball in a clean, matter-of-fact way. It won’t express the reaction tweets, the fan theories, the narrative as it was on the ground. (And for that matter, the wiki itself still has gaps with what is essentially a skeleton crew of editors…) Blaseball was ephemeral in its life and it’s up to fans to stop it from fading.

I am, we all are love Blaseball.

[feedback]

[cut-content-contest]

cut character models

So this thing got some pretty heated argument in the fandom. They were releasing the game chapter by chapter and then in the end they made The Final Cut which was basically a remaster of the game, where they, among other things, changed some of the important character models. I'm only going to talk about the ones that went through the most drastic change (there were like three more but they mostly just upgraded texture quality for them, there isn't that big of a difference compared to these). So, Hanna and Abby were the ones people were probably the most glad they've changed. Sure, there were those who hated what they did to Hanna, but her new look is arguably more interesting and suits a feral teen living in the sewers more than her original design. Next, Baruti... It's not so much that his new look is bad as it is that his original one was just better. The hexagonal thingies on the head. The glowy eyes. It was better. So here's one change fans didn't like much, for the bigger part. And finally, Reza... The fans were pissed. I've yet to meet a person who would think Reza looks good. The main problem is that he appeared in the previous game of the series (this is the third and last one), so we're kinda supposed to know what he looks like, right? And that's sure as heck not what they did in the remaster... We don't know why they would do that except maybe to make him look less generic but honestly in the game where there are like five models for insignificant NPCs for the entire population of two worlds making a character stand out this much might not be that good.

docks mission

(I can't find a video of this.)

Dreamfall Chapters The Final Cut saw some significant plot changes, as well as the purely cosmetic ones. The one that I'm probably the most sad about is the fun stealth mission they COMPLETELY cut in this version of the game. I played it in the older version! It's fun when you figure it out! It's not nearly as hard as what we've had to deal with in the previous game of the series, but it really was just a bit of a challenge that this game really is lacking... So, the quest in question: we had to sneak into the Docks that are being patrolled by some guards, collect and combine some stuff and set up an explosion. And they just... Got rid of it. There's still a small piece of dialogue that talks about it taking place but for some reason we're not part of it anymore. Which is a serious shame, because the first game of the series was literally a point-and-click quest. Why would you forsake your legacy so. And I know I'm not the only one who liked this quest and is sad they got rid of it! (well, at least you can still play it in the deleted scenes section which uhhh defeats the purpose of removing it from the game, especially considering that it still happens in the plot anyway??)

[paperstarwriters]

hey i’m the anon who sent in that long critical ask to the queer characters blog; what discord harassment group is that other guy talking about 😭 sorry to use you as a go between, but multiple people can have the same criticisms of a piece of media. hello?? i haven’t interacted with the arcana fandom since i was in high school, i usually just block and move on if random people put it on my dash. if i sounded like i was upset or heated it’s because the arcana is like bordering on being a trigger for me lmfao but i don’t endorse harassment campaigns

anyway, in regards to the bird thing — it harkens back to the historical antisemitic jew nose/hawk nose imagery used prolifically by the nazis. and julian’s normal nose is already drawn rather large and hooked, and i’ve seen jewish arcana fans say that his design in general makes them uncomfortable, especially since this game is written/developed by goyim. red hair, sleepy eyes, hooked nose; all rather stereotypically caricature-esque features. also portia and the mother character whose name i forget fall into antisemitic design/personality stereotypes as well. uh i wish i could link you some academic articles or readings or something but i’m kind of worried tumblr is going to eat this ask if i keep leaving it idling in another tab LMFAO, if i can i really would like to dig up some actual texts about it, but um i’ve mostly just heard personal anecdotal evidence about the bird depictions being linked to antisemitism which is kind of hard to find and link as a credible source. but imo i don’t think it’s hard to link the whole bird motif thing to the antisemitic jew nose stereotype?

and to address the point of engaging with the fandom — i mean do what you want but i personally don’t really see any merit in the actual game when you strip away all the awful stuff, and to build a fandom around that and continue to promote/bring publicity to the game feels. icky. sort of like HP enjoyers, in that you can denounce the problematic aspects of it all you want, but you’re still banding around the dumpster fire and warming your hands on it, you know? maybe the new content brings more to the table, i left right about when the first three routes were ending, but. last i was there, idk what of the game/plot are left when you ignore all the shit.

anyway um finally i don’t mean any of this as like. attacking or harassing anyone. i don’t usually do things like this, usually i just block and move on, but (in regards to the queer character blog i sent the original ask to) my hackles sort of raised when i saw someone mention wanting to promote the game. people deserve to know what they’re getting into and i don’t want any poc/jewish people/abuse survivors/etc getting blindsided by the content in what markets itself to be a pretty fantasy otome game

Hello! thank you very, very much for the information! As for your questions and comments, the discord harassment group, I can only povide anacdodal points to this as I wasn't a part of the discord group, but I belive what happened was that someone had taken the position that shipping two characters was morally wrong—the ship between Asra and Julian specifically I belive, and they started a whole harassment campaign towards an individual who shipped the two of them together, but through an entirely new au exploring the uncertainty of a relatioinship without explicitly accusing one side or the other (again, anecdotal, I haven't exactly read that yet, so I can't exactly conform currently.) And while their point on the toxicity or racist undertones of the ship was likely well-founded, they went too far, accusing the person who shipped Asra and Julian to multiple other bad actions which were eventually revealed as false.

but yeah, 100% two people can have the same two critiques of a media and one can express those critiques in a more harmful way than the other.

As for the points about continuing to engage with the game I do agree that it can feel discomforting to continue to connect to media that has this many problematic issues, and while yes continuing to engage in bad media or bad pieces of work can be discomforting because of it's origin, there are still people who found a lot of worth and comfort certain aspects of the story. Personally I never engaged as much with Julian or Portia or their respective routes so I cannot say for certain, but in Muriel's route, the story is a little different thatn the initial three, and there are some clear gaps that can be explored more or simple traits that can be engaged with in a better light which can foster discussion rather than present a bad steryotype. Again, this may not be as easily applicable to Julian or Portia since they embody steryotypes and thus may require more adjustments in order to move beyond those steryotypes but it is still something to be considered.

Furthermore, at least part of why continuing to engage with fandoms like Harry potter may be discomfroting is that the problematic creators continuet to get revenue for their creation, Nyx hydra has since disbanded and while Dorian has put little effort into considering or developing awareness of these characters and their problems they at the very least were not the one to create the problematic traits of the characters. It is still a little bit of a questionable group but besides vibes, and the possibility of using ai art I cannot say anything for certian.

My arguements are not encouraging you by any means to re-join or re-engage with the fandom, it's mostly just an explanation as to why I'm still here or why other people may still be here too, but I do agree that people should be aware that there are many problems in the game concerning representation when engaging with it, especially since it presents itself as a seemingly inclusive game. If I were younger at the release of Muriel's ending, or if I played through Asra and Julian's route then, the representation of abuse could have been..... let's just say unhelpful for me. More than anything I don't want someone else who may be in an uncomfortable situation attempt to find solace in escapism only to end up feeling worse than before at the bad represetntation, or at the fandom regurgitating this bad representation rather than trying to dismantle or change it.

Anyways, I'm sorry for dragging you back into this discussion about the Arcana for a while, especially since you mentioned that it's triggering for you. I wish you well in enjoying your other fandoms, or other forms of media.

Thank you again though, for providing me this information on the issue of bird imagery and antisemetism, and thanks for also providing the info about Julian, Portia and Mazlinka and their steyrotypical representation I will take care with writing them if I ever chose to do so.

I do belive you were justified in your concern at promoting the game, but I also thank you for emphasizing that you didn't want to attack or harass anyone who does enjoy this content despite it's many problems and flaws.

[artist-issues]

I get what your trying to say with changing tastes, and I agree with you. It just sometimes feels hard for me because while I'm trying my hand at enjoying some tragic things, in the past its because fandoms pressured me into doing so or else I got labeled or got some passive aggressive comments which basically boiled down to "its okay, but not really. and you should kinda feel bad"

now I'm not blaming you for that nor I am I saying everyone who's trying to help me is a bully but what want me to try was a friend I met

for example, I had hated RWBY's story as much as I loved the characters, and certain concepts and ships I wanted but dropped it due to V3 and onward with Pyrrha Nikos being tragic and put a bitter taste in my mouth for tragic things onward, my friend although fine with it, made sure I was aware my reasons were subjective which I agreed, but he didn't demonize subjective feelings and in fact related to me with a similar scenario in his personal life and how he'd learned to deal with it and tried to help me understand.

He gave me judgement whatsoever and gave me support with what I did like as much as he didn't like it. So while I no longer like RWBY, I get the point of those stories and try my luck elsewhere. But it was when someone treated me like a person and didn't wag the finger at me was what allowed me to give these sorts of things another chance.

But my experience with fandoms, at least The RWBY fandom, is that there's very little of that and mostly a superiority contest. And I don't understand why its so hard for certain people on the internet be the same as my friend.

Sorry to rant, and you don't need to answer, I just want to give my opinion on this

I'm going to answer because I appreciate your thoughts! I think the problem you're pointing out is valid: even if someone has something constructive to say, they don't always say it in a constructive way, or out of selfless motives.

Modern fandoms (which is the same thing as "modern audiences") are, in large majority, the kind of people who are watching something to be entertained, not watching it to be edified.

When you stop thinking of a story as "just entertainment" and start thinking of it as "a lesson someone is trying to teach me," then things take a different turn. Audiences can suddenly try to change their tastes based on that, like I said. They say to themselves "this is a lesson someone's trying to teach me; I might not be used to or comfortable with how they're saying it, but the lesson might be worth it, so I'll GET used to how they're saying it."

OR, audiences can stop finding their "sense of self" in a story, and therefore get wayyy less offended when someone doesn't like the same thing they like, or worse, when someone claims to like it more than they do! 😱

I think you're right about that. The point I'm making is, modern fandom doesn't even really like the stories they claim to like--they just like themselves, and the things that make them feel entertained, distracted, uplifted, knowledgeable, or cool. That's why you get fanfiction where authors write their "favorite" character completely out-of-character from the original material--because they never really liked that character for what it was, they just liked the tiny pieces of themselves that they could associate with that character, and re-wrote that character to only be those things.

That's why "comfort characters" are a thing. That's why "ship wars" are a thing. It's all self-focused. And there's a place for some of that. It's okay to go to a movie because you know it'll make you feel hopeful or happy. But you'll get even more benefit out of analyzing those feelings and why the movie makes you feel that way. Is it because you were beginning to think about the world in a dark, wrong way and the movie gently corrected you with its message? (Like Mary Poppins Returns does for me!)

Or do you simply feel hopeful because...maybe a character in the movie does something wrong, but the movie rewards them for it instead of punishing them, and you want to be able to relate to that? Or are you just distracted? After all, Rome invented panem et circus for entertain the people...so they could mistreat the people while they were "distracted."

Anyway. I wanted to keep it brief but I'm not that disciplined in my own style of communication yet! 😅 I think your friend did you a good turn! I've only seen a bit of RWBY, but if it helped you to think more clearly about a part of life that you maybe weren't thinking clearly about before, awesome--it did what stories are meant to do.

P.S. People like me can fall into the same trap that I just accused "fandom" people of doing. We can feel so good about ourselves for having the "correct" analysis or view of a story that we mistreat other people. Which basically hamstrings our goal of "changing people's minds about stories." Because we accidentally let "make people think we're smart and right" become the goal. So this is a good reminder for me, too!

[phdmama]

Hi friend! Can I have🎙️and 💌 for the fic writer’s ask, and an additional question of your own choice? And as always if you don’t want to answer these particular ones, swap them for one that you want! 🥰

Aww thank you dear frond!! xox

🎙️which one of your fics would you like someone to make a pod-fic of?

I would literally dissolve in a puddle of tears if someone ever made a podfic of one of my fics?? Like that would be amazing! I've done a couple recordings myself of some very short things, and I've actually considered learning more about it so I could do longer ones but I would be eternally grateful and thrilled by anything someone would want to do!

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

Ooo god I have so many (too many) fics! One that I'm actually super stoked about in Drarry is my PR Draco/Messy Quidditch Player Harry!! I got sort of distracted by fuck buddies University Drarry and then suddenly randomly wrote a fic in an entirely new-to-me fandom (Buddie, there were Reasons™ why it needed to happen) but yeah. I think I'm going back to that one. I've also got a Larry fic that I'm really excited about widower Louis/handyman Harry - I've actually considered maaaaybe trying to publish that one since it's really more of an original fic?

And okay, wildcard!!

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

Oh man, I find posting stuff REALLY anxiety provoking! Less so than I used to, simply because I've posted a lot of stuff at this point, but it's still scary. I tend to post the fic, do the tumblr post and then run away and hide while still compulsively checking on my phone to see if ANYONE HAS NOTICED. Is it healthy? Perhaps not. Who can say. I write a lot of stuff for other people and that's also scary because what if they hate it? I try, as best as I can, not to get too invested in the "success" of a piece - things move really fast and a lot of stuff gets lost along the way. I know that I've got people who do read and enjoy my work, so I tend to just sort of picture myself as depositing it on their doorsteps, like a cat with a dead mouse.

I don't really celebrate as such, and maybe I need to do that more. I definitely feel like posting a Big Thing that I've worked on over weeks or months (vs a lot of the stuff I do which tends to be one-offs in the 3-5K range that I write in a day or so) needs more celebrating. I tend to need a break from those, though, once they're up because they've usually consumed a lot of time and energy.

Mostly I just start thinking about whatever the next thing is I want to work on!

Let's Get ((REAL)) fic writer asks

[mmx-code-crimpphire]

Brief Post on the AU's Origins

This isn't really a headcanon, but a post about how the AU came to life. How I just wanted a short little comic, to making this into a full blown AU.

NEW CHAPTER ON AO3!!

I believe some of you are wondering how that progressed. I’m sure I covered this before, albeit briefly, but if I haven’t, I’m happy to bring it out. I've only told a few people about how it came into existence and I did write it at least once in the info box on a sprite animation I made back in 2018. And, that's where it starts, and that's also when I barely joined the fandom.

I wanted to have a crossover made for Classic and X, considering, at the time, I had the information of the two not being so directly connected to each other, and I was ALL OVER THE PLACE for the ship at the time (who am I kidding, I still kinda am lmao). I am one of those who headcanon they definitely are connected directly, and it should be that way imo. Since, in the classic games, at least some of them, Zero was in the process of being made. Especially Megaman 2: The Power Fighters. It may or may not be canon to the timeline. I say it does but idk how other people feel about it.

Though, I consider that canon, so- take that with what you will.

Anyway, ever since I knew of this happening, I wanted a crossover between the two games so bad. See how Rock and Roll react to X and Zero being from the future. How X and Zero's love influenced other., That kind of thing. Especially considering how that's also how Rock and Bass became shipped in my little circle lmao. I think I'll post another headcanon soon, possibly.

I drew a couple pieces pertaining to this, planning out how some scenarios could go, including a cover to the comic. Which I haven't posted anywhere, unfortunately, and I thought I did. But I didn’t. I also did a redraw, which I might also post but I'm not sure where I put it or the og, as it's all drawn traditionally.

Though, after all of that, this was also before I made the blog in November 2018. And the name was gonna be "The Love and Loveless". Yeah. Doesn't sound like a fitting title at all, does it? As a romantic writer and illustrator, if the story has romance at least half predominantly in the story, I naturally make a romantic title to it. And I didn't like it. I'm also one of those artists that come up with things on the spot and I usually like them. They mostly stay as they are, but sometimes, even after I like the first idea to come to mind, I'll change it eventually. And this was one of thoses things where I didn't like the first thing AT ALL and needed to change it.

So, for the next couple weeks after the title was first thought of, I thought about what the better title could be, and then my thought process went like this as I stimmed: "Hmmm… X is blue, Zero is red.. though mine is black armored. Hmmmmmm. Maybe something with 'Code' in it. Since the story does revolve around them more heavily in it. Ruby and Sapphire, maybe. Nah, too long. Crimson and Sapphire is definitely too long… …Waaait- Crimson. Sapphire. Crimpphire. Code: Crimpphire!! That's it!!"

And that's how the title became as it is now! Not only does it revolve them as a pair, but also as individuals and how their connection made them feel as one. How they supported each other as well as took care of themselves. They indirectly taught each other to do what they can to fight the evil in the world, albeit it was mostly Mavericks for a time. They became each other's heart and soul.

Though- back on topic, sorry lol you get the idea

I loved the title then so I decided to change it to that when I made more fan stuff to accommodate the comic. Though, as the month progressed (this is from September to October btw, right around the start of being in the fandom still), I thought about what X and Zero could do with the Command Mission crew at that point, then it escalated what could happen if they had a beach trip and then took the train home (you can thank the "Spirited Away" track "The Sixth Stop" for this lmao, along with a fanart of X and Zero resting on a train by themselves IT'S SO CUTE!! If I find the link I will put it here), and my mind just went BRRRR and made a little script out of it.

And it.. well - progressed into something way more than just a Classic/X crossover comic. I thought about what other scenarios can happen, especially during X5, so I started making the script for Zero and Dr Light's Deep Conversation. And it became the demo for this AU.

Then it escalated into what if I made this entire thing into an audio drama??? And that idea seemed to work- except I was dealing with a lot of problems behind the scenes, that I felt overwhelmed, and from then on by this post here, I decided to not make it into a full on audio drama anymore. But it's still been a huge process but I think I finally found an outlet that can work for this.

Especially since I haven't done it in literally over 15 years.

I DECIDED TO MAKE A FANFIC OUT OF IT!! And then audio dramas, comics and a few tidbits of art are gonna come out of that!! It took me this long to consider it but I think I'm finally doing it!!

Sorry this also turned into a full on announcement on what the AU's direction is gonna be, but I'm just excited to bring it out!!

That's how the AU became a thing and I'm glad it has with the friends I've gained over the years and it's great to have them!!

I'm glad you all came to see this and it has fed you well so far and I hope I can FINALLY give you a cohesive story I wanted to share since day 1!!

Hope you enjoyed reading!!

[carolrain]

Fic Origin Story

Thanks for the tag, @mostlyinthemorning!

What was your first fandom (reading and/or writing)?

Schitt’s Creek for both. I was vaguely aware that fanfic existed and had heard about AO3 winning an award, but it didn’t occur to me to look at it until I was starved for more Schitt’s Creek content and tumblr walked me over there and pointed at it.

Although in retrospect, I've realized that I was writing RPF about my friends, classmates, and teachers when I was 13-14. And I think some things I wrote in my twenties qualify as Flannery O’Connor fanfic.

What was the first story you ever wrote (even if it was never posted) and what made you decide to write it?

First story ever? I do not know. I began reading at three (my mother was a reading teacher and decided to bring out the flashcards and see what I could learn) and never looked back. I have poems that I wrote at four, and I moved on to stories as soon as I could manage a pencil.

When I started reading Schitt’s Creek fic, I was struck by the amnesia fics. I have always been interested in memory (dementia runs in my family and my grandmother’s dementia was a big presence during my teenage years) and it’s been a theme of my writing forever. So I read all the SC amnesia fics and started thinking, well, if I were to write about amnesia, I would . . .  I was still turning it over in my head a bit when Houdini posted the Periodic Table of Schitt’s Creek Fanfic. I saw all the writers’ names in the background and felt extremely envious. And I looked at the amnesia trope and thought, wow, there are really so few of those compared to all the others—there is definitely room for one more. So I started writing! And I . . . um, haven’t finished it. Feel free to yell at me.

What’s a piece of advice you would give to your younger fic-writing self?

Perhaps you should start small? Maybe if you’ve never written something more than a couple thousand words and you’re trying something new, you should just get something written and posted before taking on A Project.

But mostly I would tell my much younger writing self to just get some words written, to just keep writing about anything and keep gaining experience, not to get sidetracked by life and lose momentum. I would also say, Lovey, you have ADHD and maybe if you addressed that, this would all be a bit easier.

What’s an early fandom interaction that stuck with you (be it a nice comment, a friend you made, a fic that got a lot of feedback etc.)?

The first fic I commented on was “Fine”—I just felt like I had so much to say about it, so I pushed past my shyness and did it. And @walnuts-and-berries responded and seemed interested in actually talking about it to me! I was so nervous, but it was such a positive and pleasant interaction. So I thought, okay, well, I can do this, I know how to tell people what I like about their writing, and people seem to like to hear it. I felt like I could find a role for myself even though I wasn’t going to write my own fic (yet).

Post a sentence or two from one of your older fics, and a sentence or two from a newer one (if you want).

I don’t know if this is considered older or newer (let’s hope that when I look back in five years I classify it as older). The first complete thing I shared was a drabble on tumblr, but it was only a few months ago.

Patrick sits back and looks up. His husband is striking—dark hair, bright eyes, framed by a cloud.

I am so proud of that “framed by a cloud,” I can’t even tell you. I feel like maybe someone else wrote it and I accidentally stole it. If you want to praise me for it, it’s also on AO3 (and I swear, I’m going to respond to comments now that I have gotten over the shock that people have made them).

If you want hints about my amnesia fic, I have been good about tagging pieces of it here. If you want to yell at me, you can do it wherever you want. I can take it.

Tagging @lizzie-bennetdarcy @statueinthestone @chelle-68 @five678patty @ramonaflow

[shadowsong26fic]

do i twist; do i fold

Author: shadowsong26

Rating: R

Fandom: BSG

Characters: Gaius Baltar, Caprica-Six

Warnings: Significant discussion of genocide and murder; more oblique references to torture.

Summary: Caprica comes clean a few months early.

Disclaimer: All characters are the property of their respective creators.

Notes: Written for the Year of the OTP event. April prompt: canon divergence. This is one I’ve been looking forward to posting since I decided to do this whole event, and while there are a couple things I keep poking at to reword (particularly the last couple lines), it’s one of those ‘If I don’t just let it go, I’ll never stop’ situations, so here it is. Also, while I know The Plan implies a much tighter timeline here, this a) makes a little more sense to me, and b) makes for a more interesting story, so I’m going with what I’ve got here.

Title comes from ‘Voodoo Child’ (Rogue Traders)

(I am also going to do this for Star Wars and some of my original ‘verses, if you’re interested in checking those out! One ship per canon. The fanfic ones will be posted to AO3 probably a day or two after they’re on tumblr. This fic is also available on AO3 here. Master list of all fills can be found here.)

592 days, eighteen hours, forty minutes.

That’s how long it’s taken to get to this point. To complete her mission.

Well, mostly. She’ll have to remain in position until the very end, of course; to monitor for any problems, to guard against exposure, to make any changes to the program that can’t be done remotely.

It’ll take approximately three months, according to the most optimistic projections.

Three months for the last pieces to fall into place, for the final preparations for the strike.

Six months is a more realistic estimate; twelve is the worst-case scenario.

Worst.

592 days, eighteen hours, forty-one minutes since they met. Not that she’s been counting.

And in a few months, maybe a year, it’ll all be over. Really, truly over. Humanity will burn, she will be reborn, and…

It seems like an eternity. To stay with him, to lie to him--and, yes, she’s been doing that for so long already, and no, nothing has changed, not really, but it feels different.

It seems like no time at all.

Her heart races, and her mind whirls, spinning through all the little moments they’ve shared. Not the big ones--not their first meeting, not helping with his father, not the moment he said yes, but the little ones.

His fingertips, brushing against hers as he passes her a cup of coffee.

Lying together lazily in the morning, talking about everything and nothing.

Dragging the whiteboard out of his office to settle an argument; not really caring who won as they built their equations together.

Even that insufferable amused tolerance when the conversation turns to religion.

The way he smiles when he thinks she isn’t looking.

All the little pieces of the life they could have built together. That they almost have.

It will all be gone.

And he--he won’t wake up after. He won’t be reborn. He will just…burn.

He’s sitting there, next to her, like he has so many times before. If he’s having second thoughts, he’s hiding it well. He’s ready to give her everything she wanted.

Everything she asked for.

And all she can think about is that three months, six months, maybe a year from now, he will burn.

Five hundred ninety-two days, eighteen hours, forty-two minutes.

I can’t do this.

(It’s not just him; it’s all of them--however righteous her people’s fury, when weighed against all of those little moments, multiplied by billions of human beings…but if she hadn’t known him, if she hadn’t--loved--)

“Wait,” she says, putting her hand on his. Stopping him from going any further.

He blinks. “What’s wrong?” he asks.

“There’s…” She takes a breath. “There’s something you should know.”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

His hands are still shaking.

He’s not sure how long it’s been, exactly, since she told him. Since she stopped him. Since he almost--

Gods.

Unsteadily, he pushes himself to his feet; gets another drink; only spills a little. He presses the cold glass to his forehead, reminding himself to breathe, to think, to--

I’m a Cylon.

She’s always seemed so…so real.

His heart races, and his mind whirls, spinning through all the little moments they’ve shared. Not the big ones--not the day they met, not the first time she brought him to her flat, not the moment he said yes, but the little ones.

The feel of her fingers against his when they brushed together across a cup of coffee.

Waking up together and staying in bed for hours, talking or making love or both or neither.

Dragging the whiteboard out of his study so one of them could prove a point, and it not mattering in the end who was right, because they worked it out together.

Even that irrational certainty when she talks about her God.

The way her face softens when she smiles at him.

All the little pieces of the life they might have built together. That they almost have.

…she seems real because she is.

After six hundred days, give or take, of seeing her, of sharing his life with her in ways he never has before, not with anyone, he knows that much for sure.

She is a real person. A real woman. A woman he--

He finds himself back across the room, back on the sofa, not really recalling how he got there. He seems to have brought the decanter along with him--probably wise.

He leaves it on the end table, though; stares at the melting ice in his still-mostly-full glass, and thinks--

What do I do now?

The obvious thing--the smart thing--probably the right thing--would be to turn her in. Tell his friends at Defense that he was…approached. As--as she pointed out, he hasn’t actually done anything yet. Nothing irrevocable, anyway. Nothing he can’t talk his way out of. He wouldn’t have to admit how close--and if she tried to claim otherwise, it would be her word against his, after all.

His reputation would be damaged, possibly irreparably, and he’d likely never work another government contract, but he’d keep his freedom and his head. Which is certainly something to consider.

And she…

He stares into his drink for another moment; slowly takes a sip.

In all likelihood, she would be…be executed. Terminated. Would they even see it as an execution? Would they--could they--even see her as a person?

…but in truth, as much as he hates to admit it, he knows that that is not the likeliest scenario.

A Cylon, one who looks--who feels--so perfectly real? So perfectly human?

No. Murdering her would not be their first move.

She would be studied. Tested, to determine her capabilities, her differences. If she cooperates, she may even be treated--decently. Considering. He would probably never see her again, but she’d be alive. They would both survive this.

Except…

He considers some of his other Defense contacts. What they might do with her. To her.

He shudders again and finishes his drink.

And, yes, all right, it’s entirely probable that cooler--saner--more human heads will prevail, but…

He cannot--he cannot risk that. He cannot risk her. Not like that.

He pours another drink, and pauses, recalling--something else she said.

That he was--that her mission was--their first, best choice for access (and whether he should be flattered or insulted at the thought is something to think about another day).

But he was not--is not--their only option.

The Cylons--her people--have backup plans, alternatives, should her mission fail.

And she doesn’t entirely know what those alternatives might be.

His blood runs cold at the thought.

It doesn’t change what he--what he already knows. He still cannot turn her in.

But he also cannot--knowing what he now knows, he has to do…something.

Can I? Can I really…can I do this? A question he hasn’t really asked himself, not in this sense, not in a long time. He is very good, the best, but getting into this so late in the game, and the risks involved…

…I have to. I have to try.

And if he fails…if he fails, having tried, at least he’ll be remembered as a hero. There are worse things to contemplate.

And she’ll be here.

She came to him for a reason, after all. The first time, yes, but the second as well. If she’d only been doubting her mission, she could have simply walked away. To stop this--if there is any hope of stopping this--she needs him. As much as he needs her.

Whatever…whatever else he might…

His phone is in his hand before he can change his mind, and he dials a number he’s spent five hundred and ninety-three days engraving into his mind and heart.

Not that he’s been counting.

She answers on the second ring.

“Hello?”

“It’s me,” he says, then takes a shaking breath. “I think that…that is, we should…I’d…can you come over? We should…we should talk.”

She lets out a little breath of her own; what it means, what she feels, he couldn’t say. “I’ll be there,” she says.

There’s a long, aching silence, full of things he wants to say but--can’t. Not now. Not yet.

Perhaps not ever.

“…I’ll see you soon,” he says, when he can’t bear it any longer.

“See you soon,” she echoes, and the line goes dead.

Perhaps it’s simply…a decision has been made, he’s taken a step in a direction, but he somehow feels less…

He puts the phone down carefully; closes his eyes; finishes his drink; settles back to wait.

For the end.

For some kind of frakked-up beginning.

…for her.