#it might be easier then like. its obvious im not getting out any other way
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can literally only swing an apartment w another person and my bf is on the brink of backing out so i have to figure out what the hell is goin on there but god... god!!! i just want to escape!!! i was so goddamn close and now im being knocked all the way back!!! i dont even know where to /start/ looking for a new place to live or people to live with i just. what the fuck is wrong with me and why does this keep happening.
#its gotta be a me thing#which is why im probably gonna just sign up for one of those random roomie sites and inflict myself on a stranger#bc if i move in w anyone i know and it turns out im the thing that keeps ruining everyones lives#i dont wanna fuck up the few scraps of good ive got going for me#these past few months have just been a lot of me realizing how fucked ive been and how deep i keep digging#and i do not know how to get out of it anymore i dont fucking know anybody my viable support system is zero#too much of a coward to kill myself too terrified of the unknown to run away too convinced of my own stupid burden curse to accept help#what the fuck do i do here just#sit and shiver until my heart gives out i guess#maybe this will be it. maybe if move in day comes and passes and im still at home ill just kill myself#it might be easier then like. its obvious im not getting out any other way#so that might as well be it
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Tiphereth suppression finally complete babeyyyy
#rat rambles#lisa my beloved <3#her brother also exists ig.#I did it first try too which honestly is a relief it took forever idk how many times I could handle doing all that#which also means that the other two are now ready for their core suppressions which is both exiting and scary#exciting because it means that I can tell alruine to fuck off#scary because red mist boss fight 😔#I have no idea what to expect but tbh I rly cant be any more prepared than I already am#I have all the aleph gear not counting apocalypse bird and white night gear#and I have all the waw gear except for the one waw I havent gotten yet#in fact there's only 4 abnos I havent gotten yet I think and two of those are toold#I might stall a bit by memory repositing until I get those out of the way but I also might not idk#what I am starting to have to think abt tho is the two side bosses I previously mentioned#I do think apocalypse bird might be doable for me rn but white knight is a more tricky story#mostly because quite frankly I dont have 12 employees available to sacrifice to start the fight#I can obviously just make some new throaway guys but still#now setting up apocalypse bird would also be annoying since I currently only have judgement bird in my facility#rly Im just not sure which of my guys can or cant handle either boss#cause I do need the manpower but I also just am not confident that most of the gear my guys have will do them much good#now one thing that may be kind of pointless but I still wanna do is get silent orchestras ego gift on one of my guys#because god damn is that a powerful buff even if white damage isnt that common outside of anbno breaches#it would be fun in the sense that thatd make my girl able to solo any abnos that deal white damage#again its good dont get me wrong its just definitely smth that isnt as widly applicable as youd think#but yeah ideally I dont wanna do another day one reset and I rly do think this could be the run#the only reason I reset my first one rly was because I had gotten bored grinding for gear and also just wanted to finish my abno info#collection easier since there was a shit load of low level abnos I was missing#now the only ''''low level'''' abno Im missing is plague doctor for well. obvious reasons.#so yeah I should be pretty good and done with my info gathering within a session or two#tbh I dont even know what the wellfare meltdown looks like but Im much less scared of it than the boss fights I have up ahead#stinky b is also going to be tricky but Im hoping it wont be too bad
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spawns in ur inbox with my hands politely folded. hello hazard-c-horror. it's been quite a few days now, and i've only Continued to fall down the dandy's world rabbit hole eihsihssh SO, since you're the only Other Person i know about that's Insane abt D.W *and* SAMS, i would like to throw Thoughts inspired by your SAMS x D.W au I've been having .D.
i was hella inspired by the character sheets you made for moon, eclipse, lunar, and solar, so. take some Thoughts for how sun, earth, and kc would work in the game digsgskqj
(btw- this disclaimer might be a bit silly- but idk if you already have Planned Out Stuff for these characters n their abilities n stuff, and i Apologize if you do- this isnt me trynna like take over your au or smtn, its just me being autistic dgsigaiya that being said, do with these ideas as you will, you have free reign over anything you do w them lmao)
Sun:
OKAY so yk how he can turn ppl into geese n stuff in canon? i feel like his transformation magic could actually be his ability. as a toon, he has the ability to turn either Himself or other toons into an object (like a soda can or chocolate bar) for 5-ish seconds. he could do this to Instantly de-agro any twisted's chasing either him or other toons, and the 5 second break could be just enough time for stamina to rebuild so even if the twisted does still spot the de-transformed toon again, they have more time/stamina to run and hide
THAT BEING SAID. his twisted form would be the exact Opposite of this- he'd be able to mask himself as an item and attack/agro onto any toon who'd try to pick him up. he'd be a lot like twisted rodger, just for items instead of capsules. and ofc there would be things making it obvious that the item wasn't trustworthy- like discoloration or added bits on it. if you have a keen eye, avoiding him is Easy :)
i have like a couple thoughts for his mastery item. first one that came to mind was a Cat Plush, which when equipped it has a “calming effect”, and ups your stealth up by around 10-ish percent, making it harder for twisted's to spot you. but then i also thought “haha Wine Bottle”, which i thought that (when close enough) it could instill the “confused” effect on nearby twisted's, and make it harder for them to see nearby toons. so both items would do the same thing, just go about it in different ways
Earth:
she deffo has an ability like tisha's or shelly's, where it helps out the other players instead of herself. im thinking she's able to heal others for one heart every two minutes. a basic ability, but bro methinks this game needs a healer besides teagen, who can only heal herself dosyohsshs the Easy way to go about it is that she can just.. go up to (aka Click) on another player to heal them, but she could also just have a “medical bag” on hand where she whips hella bandages out the wazoo and gives them to whoever needs em dishiaha
okay as a twisted this girl gives me MAD razzle and dazzle vibes in how she functions. but instead of sleeping, i can imagine her constantly Crying and remaining in one smalllll specific area, patrolling it, almost. she can be led away by Distractors (goob, pebble, ect), but once they've de-agroed her, she'll start slowly walking back to her patrol spot. the best way to deal with her is to have someone else agro her and lead her around while You fix the machine she's working on, or vice versa :) but you Can still beat her on a solo run, bc she has rather slow walk-speed when getting back to her patrol spot where you could beat her back to it after leading her away. it'd just be a Lot easier w multiple people digdihsah
and her item?? first thing that came to mind is a barbie doll. or just a “pink girl doll” bc. copyright sigsiszvah it would be an Active item (like the wrench or bottle of pop), where at the start of every round, she could place it down somewhere, and it makes noise, which leads the nearest twisted right to it. ofc we dont want it Too op, so once a twisted makes contact with it, its destroyed and returns back in earths inventory, ready to be used next round .D.
Killcode:
kc is a Complex one- i think this guy would have slow walk speed, but a fast run speed. so i think he'd be a good “distraction” character, like goob or pebble. HOWEVER. i think it'd be sick as *hell* if his ability, using his size, literally made it so that he could momentarily Pick Up Other Toons and carry them away from any twisted's chasing them. he'd prolly only be able to do so for 3-ish seconds, but it could be a saving grace for anyone out of stamina being chased .D.
now. as a Twisted. this👏man👏deserves👏lethal👏status👏 his name is LITERALLY KILLCODE i refuse to believe he cant one-shot a bitch sisgiaga due to him literally being a Being made to perfectly hunt/kill, i think how twisted kc would act is that he'd spawn in at the start of a new floor, a Sound Queue would play so that toons know he's on the floor. and now he's just.. somewhere. hiding. *waiting*. hes normally spawned behind corners or nearby machines, where its either easy to run into him or hard to avoid him. hes not Impossible to beat tho- i imagine he emimates a very quiet sound byte, so hes still avoidable on blackout floors, even if he's not visible. and that byte also helps on just normal floors too ofc. best way to deal with him is to listen to his sound queues and *be very aware of your surroundings*. cause if he spots someone, he is *hard* to lose, and hes lethal if he gets ya. once freed from his waiting spot, he's not going back to it. instead, he'll be moving around the map like a faster, but also Louder, dandy. Scary!!
aaand his item. i came up with a “soup ladel”. cause. heh. yk, because he volunteered in soup kitchens in canon? .D.? i think im Funny siosgiaa what it'd do is up the spawn rate of better Food/Drink items on every floor. think instead of soda cans spawning on floor 1, there's a higher/better chance for soda bottles to spawn instead .D.
. this is over 1K WORDS LONG OF AN ASK hazard im so sorry, im Unwell sigihgaisg okay now i go eep for tonight good nini honk shoo honk shoo
Why hello there. Longest inbox I’ve ever received
I love this a lot actually, and thank you for some ideas! Love the trinket ideas especially, will probably use them
I’m just be reading over this like 12 times, because I just love it
It’s also funny bc I had the same idea about Earths ability, so that’s nice. Great minds think alike
I don’t know if I’ll be incorporating Sun’s magic into this, but I did include Eclipse’s so I may use your idea. Bc I also don’t have any ideas for him at the moment
One unfortunate. KC will not be in this au, but I could make a non canon character sheet for him a Solar flare if people wish. Really like your ideas for him!
The soup ladle is my favorite for a trinket lol
In return of theses amazing ideas, I give you a sneak peek
#sun and moon show au#sun and moon show#tsams au#sun sams#sams sun#sun tsams#tsams sun#earth laes#laes earth#earth sams#sams earth#earth tsams#tsams earth#killcode tsams#killcode sams#tsams killcode#sams killcode#kc tsams#tsams kc#kc sams#sams kc#Sams x dandy’s world crossover au#Sams x dandy’s world crossover#my art
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if its not too tmi, the guide to making your girl cum might still be useful 😭 my gf and i are both in our first relationship and any help would be welcome
i have so many asks fdjslk?? abt this. like no bullshit at all maybe fifteen. but sure 👍🏾 note i am no sex expert or really anyone u should listen to but you know. i get okay reviews
first things first - the most important thing is learning to communicate with your partner. ik u have heard that many times but every body is different and if you can take instructions well, making someone cum is much easier. like. people say it all the time for good reason but just focus on listening more than anything else
also im using woman / she + her but this advice applies to any afab people who are not currently talking T👍🏾 testosterone changes some stuff so i'd give diff advice on some parts abt touching n stuff
learning how to take an apply what ur told is truly like 99% of the game
for women in particularly - u should probably carve out a chunk of time. most women need at least 15 minutes if it's with a partner (often more) and if it's your first time tg it's good to take each other apart and get comfortable
also somewhat obvious but you absolutely cannot forgo foreplay. truly cannot be overstated but u can't. lol
if share the same parts, u are already at somewhat of an advantage as you have some ideas on where to touch etc. neck and chest are always safe bets, and so is inner thigh etc. deep kissing is always also a safe bet. don't overthink it too much, just do your best to communicate both appreciation and attraction
foreplay also starts before getting naked being genuine. undressing someone or showing sensual affection is your friend. ik this sounds corny but its very genuine advice lol
a lot of foreplay is both to build arousal but also getting someone out of their head. a lot of women in particular tend to get really hung up on various aspects of the process. if you can effectively get them out of that mindspace, you're already on your own way
sometimes dirty talk is good and dirty talk does not need to be crass - making sensual small talk can go a long way. praising how she looks or feels, showing your enthusiasm by telling you're looking forward to making her feel good.
thank you is also always safe in that process. thank you for letting me touch you, thank you for trusting me to make you feel good etc. and if you're not feeling confident - it does the same job as something more dirty lol
here is some more specific stuff 👍🏾
a lot of getting 2 know someone sexually is figuring out various sensitivities and pressure. generally speaking, women tend to lean one way or the other when it comes to pressure on different areas of the body for foreplay.
(usually of course, there is some mix of both - but at least in my experience there is more general lean one way vs another)
some people prefer softer touches and caressing and some people prefer more deep pressure and groping. always start on on the soft end and move towards the other slowly.
YOU WILL WANT TO LEARN INDIRECT VS DIRECT PLEASURE. ON YOUR PARTNER AND WHAT THEY PREFER !!!
some parts of a womans body are too sensitive to be touched directly, and they may highly prefer indirect contact as their choice of pleasure. if a womans clit is too sensitive, you might want to stimulate the area just around or underneath instead of directly touching their clit. use their clitoral hood as a buffer essentially.
the clit itself firms up but it's an entire area inside of your body. and what's exposed is just one nerve. its why touching or rubbing the sides can still make effective foreplay because internally the clit has a whole body etc
the hardest part about clitoral stimulation is reading reactions. but the clit will respond to pleasure physically most of the time. try things deliberately, and time your tongue or fingers in a way that lets you gauge their reaction
if someone is feeling good - you'll usually get a very faint throb. you have to look for it to notice it sometimes, but the intensity of that throbbing is what will tell you. clits are similar to dicks in that way
same thing goes for nipples usually. plenty of people like it being touched or sucked directly (again it is all abt sensitivity and pressure) - but it's common for the area to be too sensitive.
touching around, through / over the fabric of their top (this works better with non-silky materials / stuff with no slip), and underneath can also do the job. if the nipples are sensitive to the point of being unpleasurable - the swell underneath the boobs is often a good place to show affection. u can try running your fingers underneath to cup and squeeze instead. or just
the no slip thing is because rougher fabric give nice friction. being touched through cotton feels different from silk. its more hit or miss in my experience
im going to break down the advice about actual fucking into three parts so bear with me .
the most important thing for ALL of this is fucking consistency. listen to me im being so serious. when you hit a rhythm do not stop. ESPECIALLY if she tells you not too.
oral: this one is tricky because there's truly not a universally good way of eating pussy. it's like... four of the above skills wrapped in one skill. so even if i wanted to school you in i don't think i could lol
my best advice is to remember the above about pressure and sensitive and start slow. stimulate the surrounding areas with your tongue, do a lot of teasing. if she's too embarrassed to tell you things verbally, this will usually push her to showing you at least. if she bucks up against you that's a good sign to give a little more pressure.
building pressure is important here. she will feel pretty much every part of your tongue, so make sure you are careful and listen to what she says or does. when you find the rhythm to lick, it's normally safe to suck on her clit (from light pressure to deeper pressure like before)
you will know when you're hitting the right everything because it will start to pulse in your mouth and she will squirm more. when you're there, stay there and don't move unless you're going to die. learn to breathe through your nose lol
FOR PENETRATION THERE IS TWO THINGS. and most time you will still want to pair with clit stimulation but rmb 2 ask.
fingering: the vagina is one of those things that is very hit or miss. with fingering in particular. for most women, it feels better to have another person do it. and it's best combined with clitoral stimulation so it can often be a two-handed affair or used as a sidepiece to oral.
the most pleasure will be felt around the actual opening and against the gspot. the opening has a lot more sensitive which is why the thrusting motion feels good. the g-spot can also feel good, but keep in mind that a gspot orgasm is internal and can feel especially intense. so just be prepared for what reaction you might get and maybe getting pee-d on. or squirted on. or both.
finding the g-spot isn't complicated, it will feel a little textured and have a little more give. with enough arousal it will also be swollen and easier to find.. you will hear a lot about the come hither motion, but what you're actually doing is rubbing along the upper walls.
again, everyone is different but honestly - i've had good luck combining a thrusting motion with the rubbing motion. use your wrist to move so you don't get tired. you can pick what fingers to use but middle and pointer is go to, so you can angle your palm against their clit (in the instance you are just using your hands).
FOR SEX TOY PENETRATION:
dildos: if i tried to explain how the strap works we would simply be here all day, so i will be talking about the dildo as a separate appendage used with your hands and not as part of a strap-on. strap sex is too much of a science lmao
almost all of the time - using a dildo is trying to create the same stimulation as above with gspot pressure, but that's not the only way. there are several angles and those angles hit different things, so it's worth experimenting with this. but for internal orgasm and using dildos - you want to understand comfort and friction.
lube is your friend, but too much slip can make it feel like nothing so build up the lube slowly. some resistance can feel pleasurable and is often ideal. with dildo, you also want to keep in mind the rigidity and maybe buy a toy together. a dildo can be too hard or too soft depending on what it's made with
internal orgasms rely a lot on muscle tension and angling, as well as pace. everyone is different and there is once again no universal way but your best bet is a rhythmic, pushing up motion. if you're using a dildo on your partner, i recommend put a pillow underneath their spine for easier angling.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST, REMEMBER ALL ORGASMS ARE TENSION RELEASE.
you need to build tension to release it and keep tension to cum. the need for steadiness and rhythm comes from that. if you're wanting to make someone orgasm, some physical tension can really help - so asking your partner to grab your hair and hold onto your wrist can be helpful. giving their muscles something to flex and hold can redirect focus and help with intimacy so let her pull your hair or dig her nails in your back or grab your wrist. it will actually get u closer to the orgasm
remember most of all though to have fun and feel good together. sex isn't a performance, it's a mutual act of pleasure. too much pressure will kill your boner. good luck 🫡
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I know im mainly a murder drones blog, but id like to talk about the amazing digital circus for a second. How its been growing onto me, and my thoughts about it.
(/srs trigger warning for mentions of existential terror, depression, relapsing, gender dysphoria, etc. literally just major hazard signs rn 😺😺)
Now im absolutely not saying that im gonna get hyperfixated on TADC now that murder drones is over. I dont think any shows going to top murder drones for at least a couple years. But undeniably, goose has had amazing writing for these 3 episodes.
"Why are you just NOW talking about tadc?"
I have rlly bad existential terror, which is why i personally avoid active interaction with the series/fanbase.
Now ever since i watched the pilot, ive always had a feeling that TADC had some underlying elements of mental illness, and episode 3 basically confirmed that for me. Now im not saying that the shows gonna have a big "Oh look when you love yourself anythings possible!!" or something like that. quite the opposite actually, i think this series js gonna show the rough and the gruff of mental illness. Anywho! here are some moments im trying to talk about right now are
1: Caine talking to zooble about how he might be bad at the only thing hes good at, while the world glitches out around them.
2: Kinger talking about how the best thing you can do in your life, is to love other people.
3: Zooble saying how no matter the parts they try on, theyve never found anything that makes them feel comfortable.
4: Pomnis constant existential dread throughout the series
Why do i wanna talk about these scenes in particular?
1: starting with Caines very obvious comment, i really sympathized with this one. Being told something even remotely along the lines of "your not good at something" can already be devastating. Especially when that something is your everything, the thing you wake up to do. The thing that keeps you going. When you dont have that something, it can feel like theres no point. you can feel like YOU have no point. I didn't want to get too personal on tumblr (especially on my main acc) but ive struggled with depression and existential terror for years, having something to always make me excited to do was what got me up and running, every single day. When i was told that something was pointless or i was bad at that something, it always either led me to an episode or relapsing. Having that accurately represented in media is HARD, its hard to even put into words. and goose did it with 2 lines of dialect.
2: Something thats always gotten me through, everything, was remembering nothing matters in the world besides the love i put into it. This isnt anything major like what i had to talk about with caines or the other moments, but this was something that probably would have left me feeling existential and scared without that reminder. The kinger development was real in this episode!!
3: Zooble has ALWAYS been great rep in TADC, but i really did like their B plot in this episode. Im a demigirl, demigirls are people who identify as girls but do not feel fully connected to the identity. If it's easier to understand, think of it like a mix of Female and Non Binary. Zooble HAS been confirmed as non binary, usually when a show does confirm someone's gender, its usually not a struggle we get to see them go through. We usually see them at a stage where they've already come to complete terms with their identity. Goose is ACTUALLY showing us some of zoobles daily struggles they go through. with no matter how many parts they try on, how much they change, they never feel fully comfortable. Watching this scene ACTUALLY got me emotional because ive felt this way too. No matter how much makeup i put on, or how many skirts and bows i wore, i never felt fully like a girl. And no matter how much i tried to hide my chest, or how much hair was put into a bun, i never felt fully androgynous. having a show that accurately represents that feels unreal.
4: Ever since the pilot, i knew existential dread was going to be a key aspect of this series. As a child, not knowing the term yet, i struggled with existential dread. Existential dread for those unaware of the term, is a feeling of anxiety or discomfort when thinking about lifes meaning. Now, older me, struggles with existential terror. For those unaware of that term, it is a term that refers to the cognitive and emotional experience of recognizing the inevitability of death, which is often accompanied by feelings of angst, isolation from others, and awareness of meaninglessness.
For a shorter explanation:
Existential Dread = Uneasy/Anxiety when questioned about the meaning of life
Existential Terror = Anxiety about the inevitably of death and the acceptance of meaninglessness
Existential terror and dread are NOT a package deal! you CAN have one without the other,
Though pomnis definitely on the Dread -> Terror pipeline, i do believe she hasnt showed enough fear about the inevitable for me to say she experiences both.
Regardless, this was one of the main reasons i was hyped for TADC when the pilot released, To get representation for something so big, so prominent in my everyday life i now consider apart of me to be in a INDIE ANIMATION?? let alone THE GLITCH PRODUCTIONS?? i was freaking hyped UP!
EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF THIS SERIES HAS DONE AN EXCELLENT JOB AT SHOWCASING THIS. the rep alone was what inspired me to create this post!
UNFINISHED POST!
REASON?? i got tired
WILL BE UPDATED!
#tadc pomni#tadc jax#tadc ragatha#tadc#tadc caine#tadc gangle#tadc kinger#rant post#sorry for the rant#glitch#glitch productions#existentialism#existential crisis#existential dread#existential thoughts#existential horror#gender dysphoria#gender is bullshit#is this enough tags
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random thought that occured to me in the middle of the night after reading chapter eleven of tgowarl, but no matter how loving amara's parents may have been when they actually did give her attention, it truly is the cruelest thing to be subjected to their happiness - when, as even amara says, its such a rare thing to procure for oneself in the world :(( i know im stating the obvious and that was likely the point for the reader to understand, but it truly does explain her rebellious streak perfectly. they unintentionally made their child feel alienated, like she were peering at them through a window - into their a warm house, while she froze to death outside enduring the blizzardous winter. apart from the blatant neglect, it's the worse thing they could've inflicted upon her as a child (among the lesser evils).
it's quite pitiful... how she grew up viewing her own parents relationship as the golden example of love. a love so pure, it's become selfish in it's pursuit.
don't get me wrong, im sure we can all agree in unison that amara generally does not have the wisest taste in her choice of partners, far from it - but the image of her parents taunting her by comparison at the back of her mind most certainly would not help in encouraging amara to make better decisions. just feeds into this hopeless belief that happiness is unattainable because amara's highest standard to reference from is her own parent's relationship, which would probably make any other relationship seem dull. i suppose that's why the next best thing for amara is that all consuming love? because if she managed to enter a relatively healthy relationship, it still wouldn't be like her parents relationship. the kind of love that grants blissful ignorance to everything else. it'd fulfill a role, but overall amara would be empty imo. where as if she's indulging her 'type', even if she's ashamed of herself because 'there can only be so many mistakes' one can allow themselves to make, horribly enough... at least it'd satisfy her. its a very.. bad, self destructive mentality of course - but if nothing else will ever compare, might as well do what provides you the most satisfaction right?
okay sorry for the rather long ramble, it just became a sudden hyperfixation to me since i love nuance in psychology like that ^^
*instils voice with the sheer tenderness of Colin Farrell's Irish lilt* Oh I absolutely fucking adore this ask.
I'm so, so happy someone mentioned the parents thing, because I wrote this part of her background specifically with the hope that people would mention and comment on it (and you did!! YAY!!!)
Emotionally immature parents can go so many different ways. A lot of the time, they fail to understand or accept their mistakes because their view of the past is tinted with rose-lens. That in itself is painful for the child. I imagine at some point, Amara accused them of some of the things she complained to Aegon about, and got blank stares. They unintentionally gaslighted her by saying but baby you were happy, we remember you were, don't you remember this day when we went to that one place and you were so happy? Neglectful parents often point out things they did for you that they specifically recall because it was out of the ordinary for them to do. Rather than realise that their moments of attention were so few and far between that now even the smallest of them becomes a huge gold star for their "efforts", they think the child is remembering wrong.
If her dad beat her, or her mother snapped at her, I think Amara would cut herself off from the emotionally a lot easier. But instead, what she did was mature a lot quicker, but then become their emotional support child. She hid all her troubles the way parents should hide from their children. She turned them into the vulnerable party who needed protection; maybe if she hadn't, they might have soldiered up quicker. But she was a kid and she made a judgement and they just weren't attentive enough to realise that she had.
And then as you said, the golden ideal of their relationship becomes her aim. But since she's a child, failure hits her harder. She hasn't yet learned that you make mistakes and keep going. So when she realises her first relationship is failing, and it isn't the true love her parents share, she stays in it almost as if to punish herself for it. She can't match up to her parents, so she's just a piece of shit that deserves to suffer until something magically 'clicks' and she'll be better.
She's definitely afraid of prioritising Aegon over Jaehaera for fear of Jae ending up like her (and with plenty of people in the Keep ready to take advantage of a royal, there's dangers for Jaehaera that Amara herself can't predict but knows are coming).
But onto the subject of the way her parents raised her and how it correlates with Aegon.
So far, what she seems to seek out in her romantic partners (and her friends) is a parent. Mirian is very maternal. Alys is obviously older, and definitely a dominating force (Amara bowed fast under the way Alys patronises her which is lowkey hot but I digress). She would also make friends in KL who were much older and more worldly, for instance prostitutes, pimps, sailors, guards, you name it.
And then you have Aegon. The father of the realm, the ultimate symbol of paternalism, but suddenly she's his jester. She obviously has to obey him, but she also gets to point out his flaws and turn them into comedy that he'll laugh about. She refused to see the flaws in her own parents until it got to a point where her body and mind were unable to take the pain.
But with Aegon, this new parental ideal, she's cutting at his flaws from the start. That ruins the fantasy of 'replacement father'. If she was just a servant at court, she'd be obedient, she'd probably even respect him from a distance because of everything he's been through. Amara never wanted or meant to be his jester. It happened because he wanted it to happen.
And then suddenly, for the first time in her life, there's someone who's paying attention to her the way her parents should have, but who goes way overboard with it. She chafes at the bindings because she's accustomed to protecting herself, but at the same time, hates admitting how good it can feel. The more she finds herself sinking into it, into becoming the little girl who just needs someone to protect her and make the decisions for her, the guiltier she gets over what might happen if Jaehaera goes ignored. The princess is going to be well-protected in the castle - she won't run loose in the streets of KL like Amara did, so it'd be easy to just let her be cared for by others.
Amara herself is at risk of being an emotionally immature parent now because her needs as a child are still waiting to be fulfilled, but she's forcing herself to become the mother she never had for Jaehaera at the same time. And if she fails at this, she's going to hate herself.
It's a huge, huge psychological mess for a 23 year old honestly. Imagine discovering you view your potential lover as a replacement dad, whilst fully knowing he was a neglected child himself and can't fulfil that role properly, and THEN you both have a daughter as the cycle threatens to repeat.
Okay, I have a lot of thoughts still, but I think I rambled wayyyy too much in answer to your lovely ramble, nonnie, so I'm going to stop here.
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awkward ||
matt sturniolo🫶
CW - none i dont think ??? kissing i guess. its mostly just fluff (i think im using that word right?). it might be corny.
this is my first time publishing any of my writing !!!!! PLEASE be nice to me. :)
summary - matts been your best friend since middle school. when on a drive late one night something accidental turns into the both of you kissing. reader is the pink text, matt is the blue text. :3
based off this song !
you and matt had been best friends for as long as you remembered -- well, as long as things actually started to matter to you. you moved to matts school in the 7th grade, you were thirteen years old at the time.
it was a fresh start, something new, you had gone to the same place your entire life, so to say you were anxious on your first day was an understatement.
in your first period, you got sat next to a quiet boy. at the time, you were grateful he wasnt immature and disrespectful like most of the boys your age you had met.
you tried your hardest to mind your business and focus on the review from what they were taught the previous year, but your nervs and your lack of understanding got in the way.
after about 5 minutes of visible frustration, the boy beside you took notice of your expression and offered to help
-- "hi, i dont mean to bother you, but i noticed you seem a bit confused ? do you mind if i help you?"
your cheeks flush a light pink out of embarassment, not realizing how obvious it was that you had no idea what you were doing.
-- "yeah, actually, if you want to.. they didnt cover this at my old school so i just.."
you shrug awkwardly and lean back a bit as he reassures you and begins explaining.
-- "dont feel bad though, none of this will matter when we get out of school, yaknow?"
his eyes shift from the paper on the table in front of you both onto your eyes
-- "im matt, by the way."
he mentions his name before quickly leaning away from you, he hadnt realized how close he got to you when explaining.
you nod and smile softly, happy to have had a nice interaction with someone -- specifically a boy, not in a romantic way, really just in the sense that its rare to find a boy your age whos atleast a little bit emotionally mature.
-- "im y/n. thanks for the help, by the way, i really needed it. i had no idea what i was doing"
you mutter with a slight nervous giggle. you and matt soon became close friends, talking everyday in and out of class. he introduced you to his triplet brothers, and his friendgroup. while you didnt fit in with his friends as much as you'd like to, you were grateful you had people to talk to. since then, as the dynamic between you both grew, you became inseperable.
☆☆☆☆
its been 7 years since then, and you and matt are the closest youve ever been. matt knows you better than you know yourself. you cant hide from him the way you hide from yourself.
you currently, though, were on a drive with him. your favorite thing to do was to go on long drives and find some random parking lot to sit in with the windows down, listening to music, talking about random shit, learning about the very few things you both dont already know about the other. you sat in the parking lot of a convience store you didnt care to remember the name of, windows all the way down with the wind gently blowing through your hair.
you always got the aux cord when you rode with matt, he knows how important music is to you. even if he doesnt particularly like the music youre playing, he puts up with it because he enjoys seeing you get excited over certain songs.
"Use Once & Destroy" by Hole played softly through the speakers. matt had turned the radio down so it was easier for you both to focus on each other.
you had the visor down while you looked at your makeup in the mirror, wiping away the smudged eyeliner that had condensed beneath your lower lashes throughout the day.
-- "god, i fucking hate when my makeup does this.."
you mumble to yourself once theres a moment of silence between the two of you.
-- "it makes me look disheveled."
you complain quietly as you flip the visor back up, giving up on your goal of getting rid of the black residue underneath your waterline.
-- "i think you look pretty. i dunno, i dont think you look messy.. it makes you look real, it makes you look like you."
matt says sweetly as he studies you fixing your makeup, seemingly mesmerized by your dedication. you smile softly and tuck your hair behind your ears.
-- "thank you, matti."
you say sweetly to him, studying the look on his face. he turns away for a second as you lean over the center console, expecting to give him a peck on the cheek (..which, is something thats been accustomary in your friendship, its supposedly platonic)
until he turns his head back to face you, your lips landing onto his. you pull back quickly, your eyes growing as you cover your mouth.
his reaction similar to yours, his eyes growing before he starts profusely apologizing.
your cheeks heat up as your mind races, sifting through every thought youve had of moments like this before.
you knew you shouldnt think about your best friend in that position, but you couldnt help it. he was obviously very attractive, and you have always had some romantic feelings for him, whether you admitted it to yourself or not.
matt goes quiet, the awkward silence filling the space small space between you. both of your faces flushed red, studying each other subtly.
usually youd both brush off an interaction like this, but it was different this time. something about the situation maybe, or the subconcious emotions that created tension around you both.
-- "can i kiss you?"
he asks softly after a period of uncomfortable silence that slowly shaped itself into comfort, the way it always does with the two of you.
you nod slightly, the question adding to the absurdity of the moment.
as he leans forward, you mirror his motions until he places one hand on your jaw and the other on the back of your neck, gently intertwining fingers with your hair.
your lips lock and you place your hand on his forearm, the other on his shoulder as the two of you hold the kiss for about 3 seconds before pulling away.
you both stayed in the same position as you smiled widely, your cheeks pink while your eyes shifted away from his, flustered and happy that things werent weird like you thought they might be.
matt brushes your hair out of your face as a smile creeps onto his mouth when he sees the expression on your face.
-- "youre so fuckin beautiful, y/n."
#matt sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo imagines#sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo triplets imagines#sturniolo triplets x reader#sturnioloshoneybutter
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rambling more abt nightcord and their theme because i just NEED to get it out if my system
i think nightcord is such beautifully constructed with its theme of healing because every character has someone specific helping them out most within the unit
idk how to explain it in general terms but basically
kanade struggles with overworking and not taking proper care of herself, her main help with this comes from mizuki! sure, others help out too but mizuki is the one who points out those self destructive behaviours the most [or at least from ehat i remeber] and this dynamic is so so beautifully shown specifically in carnation recollection
mizuki is the one telling kanade to take a break, but kanade is set on making another song for mafuyu despite being absolutely stuck. i think mizuki is the most clever out of the 4 specifically because of this event, since they knew kanade wont give up on it ever and decided to use a different approach to give her the deserved break and would also help her out in this situation. kanade would never have some time off if it wasnt for mizuki. thats how mizuki cares for her, by "tricking" her into taking one while also getting to spend nice time together and end up reminiscing.
this is such an important story because thanks to mizuki, a part of kanade got to heal.
mafuyu very obviously is mostly helped by kanade, who tries her very best and gives it literally her all to help mafuyu find herself, but she always gives mafuyu space when she needs it as well. i think since this one is most obvious i dont have to dwell on it too much but the love and care kanade has for mafuyu makes me soooo fucking insane like omg. kanade is the whole reason mafuyu even tries. shes the sole reason why mafuyu could get where she is now and didnt give up.
ena is a bit tricky, but surprisingly i think her helper is... mafuyu. i have honestly no clue how to explain what i mean at all, but seeing someone with so much talent and the "perfect" life be completely empty was so important to enas character. mafuyu makes painfully slow progress on her situation yet ena notices it, and she might not fully realize it but its helping ena take things easier with her art as well, which i think is shown very well in hope will someday go beyond the morning. mafuyu makes just a slightly different expression but ena still notices it, paralleled by enas art teacher noticing enas intent and emotion behind her art project. despite so many mistakes in the work on a technical level, it had soul. not to mention mafuyu indirectly helps ena be more understanding of others, which is very obvious when you compare how she was with mafuyu at first vs their current dynamic. mafuyu doesnt even know it but she inspires ena so so much not only in her art but to be better as a person.
and for mizuki, its also very obvious with main help coming from ena. pretty much every mizuki focus [<- exaggeration warning] will have ena trying her best to help mizuki out, and thanks to enas growth she can understand mizuki better and better and know how to deal with their issue. she thinks she needs to know the secret to know mizuki, but she learns that its not actually important, and she wants to show mizuki that as well. she constantly shows mizuki support and care weather they are willing to tell their secret or not, and in her own way wants to reassure mizuki that no matter what she wants to be there for them. ena helps mizuki so much that they even finally consider telling ena their secret, after like a year in canon if not longer!! which is such a huge deal because mizuki was convinced that telling ena someday they will tell what it is was completely a lie. they never had any intention to actually say what it is. but they grew so much and feel so safe around ena that the fact they even CONSIDERED IT implies so much healing, growth and trust. it makes me SOB. i am INSANE about mizuena. ena loves them SO MUCH its just so JSHSHDHYSHEIRUDHXHJSNB
okay im gonna stop here cause the tired is getting to me and i feel like i cant explain myself at all now but you get the point n25 care about eachother so much it makes me cry and punch walls and scream and drop to my knees on the floor in a dramatic way and explode and-
#n25#rambling#pjsk#i should probably expand on some points here but#not now#if anyone wants me to and/or asks about it i will tho#just not today#my brain is melting into goop atp
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April Fools with the Octatrio
hello so i wanted to write something for the octatrio (as the title states) but a fic wasn’t working out so…. here’s some hcs((aka what my fic idea was GOING to be)) under the cut instead !!!
first of all, april fools was a completely new thing for the twins and azul. in tbe coral sea, its literally just.. april 1st and even the areas that DID know abt the day didn’t bother celebrating it
so imagine floyd and jade having the time of their life when they find that there is quite literally a day centered around messing with your friends
azul is less than amused when his own voice interrupts his speaking because of jade and floyd constantly poking his sides and tickling him when he least expects it
jade tends to be more subtle about it yet so teasy all the same “oh, what’s the matter, azul?” knowing damn well whats what
on the other hand, floyd is like “aww, u ticklish??” when he does with absolute no regard for who might be listening
azul doesn’t know which one is worse
but of course, azul won’t stand for it! he has allowed the twins to get the last laugh for way too long (or.. the twins.. get his (??))) last laugh… uh anyway)
so he starts off with jade because even though jade would definitely hint at it to floyd, he is a much easier person to find. jade.. if jade doesn’t want to be found, he will not be found. so he starts with jade since he’s not expecting it
and well, he really wont. not with tickling at least because azul wasn’t one to get them back all the time. but this time, he knew be needed to stand his ground (he just wants the twins to get a taste of their own medicine.. and maybe… hear their laughter..)
so azul calls jade over into his office to discuss about the monstro lounge and ambushes him. he is actually shocked at first that he manages to do it, but he does.. and of course, tickles him. it works out so much better than he thought. when hes done, he prepares himself for retaliation, but for some reason… jade doesnt?
later, after floyd’s basketball practice, azul does the same thing. corners him, and it seems as though he was expecting it. in fact, he wws encouraging it! “ur gonna tickle me, huh? well go ahead, im waiting!” it makes azul a little nervous but he still exacts his revenge and. floyd doesn’t retaliate either???
he finds out why later. jade had planned it from the moment azul had ambushed him. he was going to have azul let down his guard and ended up hinting at it to floyd. so basically, at the end of the night, they have both gone to azul and completely obliterated him (much to his embarrassment)
he did have a suspicion, but with the random pokings throughout the day still occurring, he thought that was all they may do. he shouldve known better (or maybe, he just kinda.. hoped it would happen again so didnt work to stop it hehehe)
anyways, unrelated to tickling, i feel like floyd wohld have more obvious pranks. like, silly string (he would have bought out the entire stock at sam’s mystery shop had he had enough money), jumpscares, the like. him wnd lilia have this sort of alliance on april fools and kinda terrorize the student body together
on the other hand, jade has more subtle pranks, but enjoys them nonetheless. they tend to be those ones that make u feel like u MAY be losing ur mind. like those mind games kindw pranks.. i cant think of any rn but uhh… use ur imagination.
azul simply does not participate. at least, not on his own accord. like he never starts it, but it has become a habit to try to prank jade and floyd back if they ever prank him. he wont admit, but its pretty fun thinking of ways to get one over on the twins. he really likes seeing the look on their faces when they arent expecting something.
still, that means he has to work extra hard since it IS the day to prank people, yk?? but he doesnt have a certain way of pranking someone, but is always proud when it works out.
once he got both of the twins at the same time by calling them to his office and leaving the door slightly cracked, but left a bucket of water on top. when it was opened, it would fall on them. he still remembers their expressions and thinks about it from time to time.
#twisted wonderland#octatrio#tickling#jade leech#floyd leech#azul ashengrotto#twst tickling#jai’s headcanons#headcanons#they r all ticklish#and also all participate in april fools lmao#april fool's day#i just crave content with them lowkey
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that helped a lot thank you so much hkjfghdg i definitely wouldnt have thought to do some of that, literally making a list of it to make sure i remember. due to distance reasons, we're currently long distance (but planning to visit soon, so all the stuff for irl is very very helpful), but since you offered to help more, do you have any other things that would be good for over the phone or via texting? some of what youve said ive picked up already and been doing, but just anything that might not be obvious to think of. or any kinds of pics or videos that would be flustering to see? he gets too shy to request for anything but i dont have any problem sending stuff like that, and ideally i'd wanna take more for him that lean into knismo stuff.
and thanks for saying its sweet hdfgjdkfj i wanna do my best for him and thought asking someone else might be the best place to get ideas. dont apologize at all for how much you wrote, it was all genuinely very helpful and insightful
YES OFC!!! im more than happy to yap >:3
okok so over text teasing Is Different but still essentially the same. and having such an easily flustered partner honestly makes it easier
so, if this is the kinda thing yall are into, i like my tickle teases over text to be almost like a play-by-play of how the other person would tickle me if they were there. this might sound weird, but genuinely something that’s really helpful for this is reading tickle fanfic. dead serious. because these authors go into detail of how characters are tickling each other, the extremely specific spots, how characters might react to spots like that, all the methods of how to do it and it’s written so you can take inspo for texting!! for non-knismos i can easily see how it’d be difficult to fully visualize the specifics of how to tickle someone when you’re trying to write it out, so genuinely a helpful tool is taking inspo from good tickle writers!! i’ve found a lot of good fics on ao3 and tumblr from critical role, magnus archives, bungou stray dogs, mha (a lot of the fics with the ADULT CHARACTERS are really good shut up), and many more, but if u want any specific recs lmk!! (im literally not even in those fandoms i just love the way a lot of the tickle fics in those fandoms are written hdjshf)
so, like i said, a play by play. how you’d get them in the position where they’re about to be tickled (maybe you pinned them, maybe you want them tied up). anticipation is a huuuuge factor. the buildup works knismos up like CRAZY, it makes us feel more sensitive and it literally does make us feel shit even over text. tell him how you’d hover your fingers over specific spots, maybe lightly tease his worst/favorite spots with just a single finger until he’s begging you to get it over with. it’ll get him squirming in no time, trust me.
again, being specific it’s important, at least to me 😭😭 talking about the way in which you’d tickle spots is great. pinching ribs (especially if you’re pinching each specific rib and working ur way up or down), scribbling over sides to make him squirm, one finger in each underarm, digging ur thumbs in the pockets of his hips. just saying “i’ll tickle your hips” isn’t really be enough (again, at least for me!! personal preference 😌☝️) so if you’re able to figure out methods he likes best, it’ll work wonders for you.
also!!! sending stuff!!! if you find out spots he really likes, sending gifs or clips of people being tickled in those spots is a great way to get him blushing!! especially if u tell him that’s how ur gonna get him when yall visit :3 pretty much letting him know you’ve been researching and finding videos/clips/gifs so you’ll know how best to tickle him when ur together is Great
if you’re wanting to send something of You to him, i’ve seen a lot of lers make videos of them . tickling pillows? or just like, hand videos in general (wiggling their fingers n shit lol). i think wiggly finger videos are really cute and pretty flustering but the pillow thing isn’t really my cup of tea, just depends on what ur partner would prefer :) idk ive just seen stuff like that floating around here so if u think he’d like it u could try that out lol
alright!!!! again, hope that helped any, and if u need anything else hmu again bc im happy to help!!!! yapping abt tickling is my specialty
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top 5 apex characters and any thoughts or opinions on them?
hey anon yeah i love you also i am about to be so annoying i might need to hide this under a "read more" (future me here. yeah i did)
1. Crypto (obviously)
- everything about him (besides current lore 😒) is perfect to me i love backstories that include a wanted criminal aspect and the fact he is wanted but innocent just adds so much more flavor & i think the whole "to break the game i must do it from the inside" idea is badass. i also love all the familial themes surrounding his backstory i love that for the most part he is a cold and calculated person but despite being jaded due to all the misfortune that happened to him in life he still cares about his family and the few people he allowed to get closer to him, that he still has the capability to do that in the first place even when it has hurt him before.
- i love the whole crypto is just a protective mask to hide tae joon park and i like to treat them as 2 separate people. my gripe is that i wish we learned more about tae joon park, but i also sorta like that it leaves room for fans to interpret who tae joon park is on their own. from the very small bits & pieces it does seem like tae joon park is an overall softer more caring & trusting person compared to the closed off, on edge person that is crypto and it makes me all emo that all the unlucky shit that happened to him in life caused him to resort to being coldhearted and distrustful even when (i personally think) he doesnt want to
- also his design fucking rips idc. maybe im just a big jacket enjoyer but its so fun, it makes sense for his personality and the cybernetics ARE SOOOOO FREAKING GNARLY they r both sexy and lore important i love it
- for issues the most obvious one is FORCING A CHEMISTRYLESS ROMANCE BETWEEN HIM AND YOU KNOW WHO. i FUCKING HATE that they have written such an intriguing backstory for him & DONT DO ANYTHING WITH IT WITHOUT IT HAVING TO INCLUDE WATTSON. i hate how they cannot be their own separate characters and have to always have their stories intertwined in some way its like the writers are allergic to making them hang out with literally anyone else. kill code as boring as it was came so fucking close to that but the recent radio play had to ruin it because of course. of fucking course.
- i also hate the completely unnecessary age retcon. i hate that it frames him as a supergenius computer whiz at a young age. he was so much more likeable & easier to sympathize with as a completely normal office worker that just wanted to provide for him & his sister, only for it to bite him in the ass when he did literally nothing to deserve it. i hate having yet another character in their early 20s in this already oversaturated age range in media as a whole.
- i hate that with every lore update hes involved in it just further mutilates his character. i hate that i cant be excited when my FAVORITE CHARACTER gets lore attention because it just provides more opportunity for the writers to stomp on him. they dont care about him as his own character. they care about him in regards to the relationships he has with other people. thats not how u write a compelling, likeable, or realistic bond between people. it makes me so mad i wanna SCREAM
- anyway crypto tae joon park is my pookie bear he is autistic and he likes dragons and cats and kpop and elliott and being a good friend to the point of sacrificing himself i like him normally also he is my oc now
2. Mirage (obviously)
- mirage is just an objectively likeable character truly like there is a reason he is essentially the face of apex. he was my first favorite & for good reason. u get lured in with his endearing goofiness & then get smacked in the face with one of the most tragic and completely undeserved backstories. maybe im just a slut for characters that "wear masks" & have completely polarizing versions of themselves as a self preservation tactic because i love Mirage being the self absorbed, smooth, attention-seeking bastard on screen and i love love LOVE Elliott Witt with his crippling fear of loneliness and inferiority complex, slowly losing the things that mattered most in his life and feeling like it was somehow his fault & he deserves it
- but i dislike the flanderization hes facing in current lore. i dont remember the last time he was anything other than the goofy guy with a stutter that cant take things seriously. that old comic of him losing his friends because of his own douchebaggery & working to fix his wrongs is my prized possession. he is hurt & lonely & it causes him to lash out on people that dont deserve it and i wish they explored that more. i desperately need more asshole mirage in my life. nowadays he just feels like the one-note silly character whos only purpose is to fill in the comic relief role.
- also he has some of the worst fans ive ever seen im sorry they were like the main reason he stopped being my favorite. they baby him like he has never done nothing wrong in his entire life & in turn shit on characters like wraith or vantage bc they were "mean to him." as if he isnt capable of being an asshole, as if there isnt an entire comic dedicated to him being an asshole. i also hate that fans either lean in 100% into his mirage personality or 100% into his elliott witt personality. he is either a loudmouthed egotistical slut or an innocent wittle mamas boy that needs to be protected at all times never anything outside or in between and it drives me insane.
- shes still my sweetie pie. my biggest kin. i love writing him sooo much. i want to chew him. i want to set him on fire. i want to tuck him in and give him a forehead kiss before he goes to bed.
coughs anyway now with all that out of the way
3. Conduit
- im filipino of course im gonna be biased but hellooooo she is also just so likeable it is insane!! a sweet, goofy fangirl we can relate to that is literally killing herself just to provide for her family ouch it hurts GIVE ME MORE. all her little easter eggs and her fun voicelines like the devs really really loved & cherished her & it shows & she deserves it! my main issue is that it is literally her season rn yet all they care about is revenant Revenant REVENANT give me more conduit! what is her story with her family? hows her sister in particular holding up? how does she cope with her illness? will she ever open up about it to any of the legends? are they ever going to try to help her? is crypto gonna help find her a cure like he did caustic & then they kiss
4. Lifeline
- love her. love her personality. a medic that also isnt afraid to get her hands dirty & chew ppl out? love that for her. i also like where the current lore has been taking her (me? liking current lore? what a shocker), the fact that she was willing to destroy one of her strongest & longest bonds to defeat a greater evil? BANGER. she hurt people & she made sacrifices to get to this point but what does she get from it? a best friend that doesnt want to speak to her & a whole fucking army of murderous robots that want her dead. i wonder if shell have a "is this really what i wanted? did i just fuck everything up?" internal crisis cuz atp i feel like she has to. id love to see it
- also i am no.1 lifeline defender idgaf the demonization shes facing in the fandom for hurting their pookie wookie bear octane is so blatant and laughable u ppl really hate black women. its ok for ur favorite male character to make questionable morally gray decisions but got forbid ajay does it. gtfo of here!
5. Rampart
- just another objectively likeable character plsss she is sooo funny & sassy and there is not a single rampart interaction/relationship she has with another legend that i hate. she also has the biggest wasted potential ever. they were cooking something so good with big sister and ramparts relation to her & NEVER DO ANYTHING WITH JT. its been 13 seasons and nothing has progressed in her lore and its so so sad. she needs a focus season soon. u dont just drop a fun character with an intriguing backstory and just ditch it.
look im not going to read this back to fix things around if it seems disjointed with a lack of direction IDCCCC i am cringe and free!
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S5 Pregnancy AU - I’d love to hear about!
Welp, this is embarrassing – mostly because this has been sitting in my inbox for almost two weeks, and I kept saying “I need to write something up!” and then… I didn't. (Or rather, I did, then I forgot to post it.) Sorry for the wait, Lil! Thank you for asking <3 (I'll divide this up because I keep writing about the process and how it came to be, instead of any actual, interesting facts.)
I have talked about this one in the past though I don't have a tag for it. The gist is what it says… (Early) S5 but CJ is pregnant. I had this idea over a year ago when I hit mid/late S4 in my rewatch. I thought it'd be interesting to explore some of her disappointment at that time if you added an unexpected pregnancy to it, even if I had the idea before even getting there, lol. Think, the ending-ish of Han, or parts of Disaster Relief. (Both of which do feature! I surprisingly focus a lot on Disaster Relief.)
The thing with S5 is that the timeline is so weird, and I feel I've also created one that isn't entirely realistic but I think it works within the story. (IIRC, the season starts in “May” but also July, then the Shutdown is in November, lmao. A few of the episodes are sneaky two-parters that flow into each other… See 5-6, 7-8.) I've finally gotten out of the no-man's-land I wrote myself into and the next chapter or two, knowing myself, will deal with 7-8! There are a couple of scenes that should be fun to write! (There are so many details I want to mention that are technically spoilers for early twists…)
Every time I had the urge to write it, I'd edit whatever outline I was working in, and though I kept some details… my muse decided to make a big change early on that completely changed the fic's direction. That, and my inability to write anything succinctly. No reason why this story will cross the 100k barrier in a couple of chapters, tops. (It's sitting at 85k across 12 chapters. I think it'll be less than 20 chapters total. Hopefully.)
This might be too long to share snippets, but I've shared some either on the server or here, a couple of months ago.
For more irrelevant details on the “process”…
As I hinted at, I wrote an outline or two around this time last year, because I couldn't stop thinking about it. When I say outlines, it's a general path for the story to follow – ideas, suggestions of dialogue and/or scenes I write to myself; all focused around some sort of chapter structure. I find it much easier to write if I write down where a chapter might go, even if it's just a few lines saying “This happens → then this → finally this;” otherwise, it takes me months. Some would say that I should post it and get encouragement that way but… I hate being dependent on something I can control even less than my muse? That's not for me, thank you. Mad respect for those who work like that.
It was meant to be short – 1-2 “long” chapters per trimester, more if needed, but then interludes in between trimesters. It's not that. Most chapters currently cover 1-2 weeks, but there is not really a pattern. I was afraid of having a fic that would take over my life like the WOWO did three years ago… And it has, but I've also taken breaks and not felt too guilty about them. I definitely don't want this one to sit in my drive and have me wondering what to do with it.
(The novel, aka WOWO, aka IM AU (2021): 150k written in a little over five months, even with extended breaks over the summer. Still hits, even with all its crazy decisions, maybe because of them, but it's also been too long, and it will always remind me of someone who kinda hurt me. Attempts to replace those memories by sharing the story with others, trying to gather whether it's worth posting, have failed, lmao. One day! Maybe!)
But yeah. Uuuuuhhhh. As I've said… Twelve chapters in ten months, 85k words… It's still not done. In fact, I've repeatedly said I am unsure of how to end it (beyond the obvious), but I'd estimate it to be under 20 chapters. I'm not posting it anywhere yet because I want to be able to edit it as a whole and try to make it more consistent; to add little details as I come up with them. There's also the fact that I am not skilled enough to write a compelling story that mixes politics and emotion into something remotely engaging. As a result, the story's politics are very surface-level, and probably repetitive at points, but it's also true I've always been more interested and focused on the emotional journey and the relationship(s) at its center. (Which should surprise exactly no one who's ever read one of my stories.)
But, as critical as I might sound of myself here, I am having fun writing this and I'm committed to seeing it through. I just keep having ideas for stories down the line, putting actual show events through a 'but she also has a kid' perspective.
#mihrsuri#asks#wip ask game#wip title ask game#even despite all the rewriting and editing this is still rambly af#doesn't make sense#I wish I could say what happens at the end of chapter 3 lmao#hadn't even realized that link was to yours! funny how you asked about this one then too#the same way thalia asked about bars :D#thank you for asking and sorry for the delay!
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hihi im starting a writing blog for svt but im relatively new to tumblr and its mechanics and all the etiquette and things like that. also im a jun biased and im weird in the way where i don't usually have inspo for other members? if that makes sense? so like idk is there anything i need to know or is it relatively acceptable to mostly only write for one or two members?
also sidenote but i really love some of your writings ahaha match of the season is my favourite :D thank you so much if you ever reply!
no that totally makes sense! i would say most authors on here will write for ot13 but they definitely write more for their bias than any other member. i feel the same way, for me it's easier to write for jun than for other members (and also i love him lol) so my writing ends up being like 90% jun and 10% other members. which is completely fine! at the end of the day it's your blog and your writing, and you should write for whoever you feel comfortable writing for and whoever gives you the most motivation. there are hundreds of writers on this site so if one writer only writes for a couple of members, it doesn't mean the other members won't get written :) nobody says you're required to write certain things or for certain members!
if you intentionally leave out one member but write for all the rest (i've seen writers who write ot12 and exclude jun because they aren't attracted to him), you might get some side eyes but again that is your choice. i personally wouldn't say a hard no to any members and i'll give them all my best shot, but that's my blog, and your blog is up to you.
as for things you'd need to know, i'd say the number one thing is interact with people! the best way to get interaction on your own work is to reblog and comment on other fics. as i'm sure you've heard me say before, reblogs are the most important feature on this site! it basically boils down to, treat others how you would want to be treated by reblogging their works and leaving feedback, even if it's just a simple "i really loved this!!!". it makes you stand out in our notifs and if you're also a writer it might even get you a new mutual.
other tips off the top of my head:
have a masterlist post (helps people find all your fics in one place) and have a guidelines post (makes it clear what you're comfy with)
DO NOT PLAGIARIZE AND DO NOT STEAL ANYONE ELSE'S WRITING (this one is in caps bc super super important!!! you can take ideas or inspiration from someone else but you cannot take their words or their writing. you'd think this one would be obvious but plagiarism happens a lot more than you'd think)
if you're inspired by someone else, tag them in your fic! it shows respect to the original author, and you should tag them whether it was from a fic you read or if they helped you brainstorm ideas. it doesn't have to be a super long thing, just a little "inspired by @onlyhuis's fic!!" is more than enough, but it goes a long way :)
like i said, you can write for whoever you want, whenever you want! when ppl start interacting you it's gonna be stressful because you want to make them happy and put out new fics often, but just remember that it's your blog and you get the final say on everything. don't put pressure on yourself to write constantly because you will get burned out and i promise it will not be fun!
if people send things that make you uncomfy, don't be afraid to delete (or block) them. it's your blog and your boundaries so don't feel guilty for standing up for yourself. also, ignore answer hate asks because they're just looking for attention so don't give it to them
trigger things properly! this is the little section before the fic that says "warnings". don't censor any words (using punctuation like bl00d or d3ath instead of typing blood or death) because it defeats the purpose of ppl who have those keywords filtered, so type out the whole word uncensored. this is a courtesy for people so they can choose to avoid content that may be harmful to them. (this also counts towards visual works, a lot of ppl use tags like "tw flashing" on gifsets)
speaking of tags, when you post be sure to put tags on it! it's the section at the bottom of your post with all the #'s. if you click on any of my fics you can see that i use tags like "jun smut", "seventeen scenarios", etc. these tags help people find what they want to read (but only tag relevant things; don't put "mingyu smut" on a jeonghan fic unless mingyu is actually in the fic). if you aren't sure which tags to use or how to format things, feel free to look at other fics for examples. if you read a lot of fics you might see there's a pretty standard way of doing it
the tags i use like "june.txt" and "june writes" are organizational tags. when you click on, for example, my "june writes" tag, the results are only my fics that have that tag. it basically organizes things into categories (which imo is the best part of tumblr) and it makes it easier to find different types of posts. it also allows people to filter those tags so posts with that tag don't show up (for example, i require minors on my blog to block the tag "minors dni" so that nothing nsfw is shown to them)
again like i said, don't be shy! make friends, join networks, send asks to people, reblog fics, etc etc. interacting with others is the #1 way to make writer friends :)
just a general tumblr tip: no one can see how many followers you have except you, so don't try to make it a competition of who has the most. it's what makes tumblr different from tw*tter and insta and it makes the social media experience a lot more casual because there's no influencers here. it's like a diary where you scream into the void and sometimes ppl scream back. a lot of writers do milestone events (i recently had one for hitting 1k followers) but you aren't required to do those either
if you have any questions about tags, filtering keywords, and other tumblr stuff like that, don't be afraid to ask! any tumblr veteran is more than willing to help break down our weird system to new bloggers
be proud of your work! even if it doesn't get many notes or feedback it doesn't mean you're a bad writer. writing should be fun and something you can enjoy doing, so don't make it seem like a chore by focusing too hard on numbers
i can't think of any more but here's my tag for important posts & info for new tumblrs users that you can look thru for more! i hope this helps :) and when you start your blog send me another ask!! i would love to be your first follower <3
#[💌] — asks#for example there are a lot of gyu/wonu/cheol biased writers so there ends up being a lot more of those fics than for say jun or seungkwan#so i dont feel too bad about not writing them as much bc i know theres already plenty of fics out there for them#and also im so happy you like my writing!! asks like these are something any author would be delighted to receive#it means a lot more than you know <33#🍜 anon
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i love the idea of mommy reiju pairing up 1234ji in duos to see how they interact individually because i have a hyper specific ass vision of what a 14ji vs 23ji pair up looks like
you. do you know of that one fucking meme format
"when youre both bottoms": an image below continues to show two beastars characters cuddling
vs
"when youre both tops": an image below continues to show two beyblades spinning against one another
(if you, understandbly, have absolutely no clue as to what the hell im talking about, just look up 'two tops beyblade meme')
AND THIS ASK IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE FACT THAT THIS MEME FORMAT (in my opinion <3) IS WHOLLY ROLE REVERSED IN THIS SCENARIO
14ji? both tops in their own right- but i feel like either would be down for the other to fuck them and they wouldn't really fight about it. yonji is. big 👀 so ichiji wouldn't be complaining, allowing his need for control to fade away bc he trusts yonji to keep him safe.
and same goes vice versa- i think that if yonji would be willing to let any of his brothers top him, itd be ichiji. you can always trust big brother to treat you nicely (or to torture you, if that's what you want <3)
but on the OTHER hand...
niji and sanji, 23ji, both bottoms in their own right, are SCRABBLING at one another. niji wins for obvious reasons, but like... they can NOT fuck normally as a pair, they HAVE to be biting eachother, pulling hair, running nails across backs, throwing each other around.. it might even get to the point where reiju starts to wonder if she needs to step in before realizing that 'oh. this. this is their foreplay.'
and ofc niji wins out in the end, putting sanji in his place (his place being directly underneath niji <3) and fucking him till kingdom come, but like... they cant just Do That at the beginning. they need the built up tension or else its no fun
the end of this experiment leaves reiju wondering if at least two of her little brother are masochists (because she already knows 3 of em are sadists <3)
Reiju doing something like this is one my favorite concepts, she totally would!! She'd want to see how they interact, who makes who scream more, who likes to feel pain, who likes to inflic pain, who is softer, who cries and who makes the other cry. She'd think it's incredibly interesting and enlightening, but of course there's something in it for her too, as the good voyeur that she is she obvously get off on observing them too
To me it's the fact that you'd initially imagine ichiji and yonji would be the ones going absolutely insane because "there's no way in hell I'm gonna bottom, fight me for it", but ichiji's too calm and yonji knows he can simply use force to get what he wants if he's uncomfortable, so they easily settle into a silent agreement. Meanwhile it's niji and sanji instead going at each other like angry cats lol
The best is that niji and sanji are indeed the short tempered ones, so anything they get involved in has a chance to escalate, but when you pair them together?? There'll surely be blood and bite marks and nail scratches and purple bruises. I can imagine them growling at each other, "I'll make you mine", and they both shiver from it. Sanji's not used to seeing this particular side of niji and niji takes notice of it amidst his lust filled mind, so from there it's easier to overpower sanji, catch him right at a moment where he's gasping and pin him down
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Happy new year Layla:) Do you have any tips for self care? I've started this year feeling real low x
Happy new year to you too lovely, I'm sorry to hear you've started the year on such a low!! I feel like this time of year is always a sucker for that because you're surrounded by everyone making goals and "starting fresh" or like "clean" and there's a lot of pressure on everyone to be making good healthy changes for self improvement or to be happy and stuff. When actually like, this is the worst time of year to be making those kinds of changes, like its cold and dark all the time and u know, sometimes u just wanna sleep and chill and be easy on yourself? idk thats how I feel anyway
but I started the year feeling pretty low too and I haven't exactly pulled myself out of it yet either (especially now im ill I really have just stayed in bed every day since the new year began)
stuff I would recommend though
try and work out if something major is causing the low feelings, if its something solid and obvious then see if there's anything small u could do to make things slightly easier (for example a thing I was very very stressed about was my credit card bill and yesterday I paid it off so that it was one less thing to worry about) (another is my gas/electric bill and in a minute when im done typing this ill go and actually take my meter readings and send them in, because I've been horribly worried about them) I don't mean any of those things lightly either btw, those aren't small problems for me, they're huge looming mountains of stress that really can leave me bedridden with anxiety lol
if the problems more abstract or u can't really figure out what's making u feel shit then u know, maybe you are just tired? I find the end of the year very overwhelming, what with he highs of Christmas and new year, the social interaction the constant positivity and stuff, its exhausting and u may well just be very very worn out. so like, let urself acknowledge that u don't feel great, you're having a rough wee time of it lately and that u need a little time to chill out and reset.
my old recs used to be like, take a nice hot bath or something but now im like, cost of living crisis who can even afford a bath anymore amirite so
cook yourself ur favourite meal or treat yourself by going out for breakfast or lunch or something, I find it easier to go out for lunch or for a coffee on my own than I would out for dinner iygwim
reread a book you love
go for a little walk, just something small to get yourself out of the house, try and walk somewhere like a park and take your headphones off so that you can hear the birds and stuff!!
like idk how to explain it but sometimes taking your headphones off and listening to the world around you, other people, traffic, bird/ animal noises is really grounding and makes u feel part of something rather than cut off and alone
that being said sometimes having a cigarette and listening to ur favourite record is also the cure for all ailments so
call a friend, not even in a reaching out kind of way, just in a now might be a good time to catch up with a pal kind of way
clean your room/ a room in ur house, make it super cosy with blankets and candles and shit, then make yourself a brew and watch ur favourite comfort movie?
wash ur face, do a face mask, or a hair mask and comb your hair.
set yourself really small tasks for the day, things you have been putting off that will maybe only take five minutes to do, when you have done each thing cross it off your little list and then when u have finished the list 1) you will feel accomplished af 2) u can reward yourself however u see fit
sometimes I put music on really loud and sing along to it whilst im doing the dishes or cleaning the house and I feel really uplifted afterwards
run urself the hot bath bestie, it doesn't cost as much as we're all worried it will
go to the cinema by yourself? this one works for me sometimes? there's something really cleansing about stepping out into broad daylight after you've been in the cinema in the morning
go wander round some charity shops
sometimes u really do just need a few hours curled up under a blanket with a hot drink or a snack.
Also
if you're feeling low in a similar way to me (ed stuff idk) something im trying really hard to do is stay away from shit like Pinterest/ THAT side of Tumblr/ twitter. I'm trying to take each meal as it comes, reminding myself that u gotta eat when ur hungry (I have given myself so many little repeats of lectures b has given me in the past about eating lol)
I'm like, planning an activity for whilst I eat, like, I'll make porridge for breakfast then watch a shitty anime or cartoons the way I would have done when I was a kid. Or I'll make dinner and watch a movie with it. Something thats enough of a pleasant distraction.
Also I'm getting a lot of nutrition through soups and stuff, because they have always been easier for me to eat. Like not pushing myself too far or putting pressure on myself to be the perfect recoveree but also making sure I look after myself.
If thats not the kind of low you're feeling then just ignore all that, but I thought id leave it in just in case because I know a lot of my mutuals do get the same way I do sometimes.
The main thing is to remember to be forgiving of yourself. This isn't a forever feeling and eventually the depression will pass. Listen to All Things Must Pass by George Harrisson and know its the most truthful song in the world. this time of year is always tough but be gentle with yourself and know I am always here if u need to vent or want to talk!!!!! sending you love and good vibes bestie <3 xsxx
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Some thoughts Ive had about the handmaids tale hollina au you brought up ages ago but man it would be so good either way. I think itd be so interesting if Holli, as beautiful and, er, voluptious and basically like built for baby making (the wide hips and big breats - sorry if im sound gross im trying to think of it in gilead logic LOL) turns out to be barren. Idk how she'd land in a position as a commanders wife but it'd be such a subversion for her to be the cocky sarcastic woman she is in that position. (I think of serena waterford being all sarcastic about how useless men are in the first season lol). And then youd have Lina who is the sweet pure little bean - what could she have done to land her in the position of handmaid!? I think itd be easier for them to fall into an affair with this dynamic as well - handmaid Lina being submissive to the wife of the household and Holli taking advantage of that. I think thatd be so interesting to explore. But Holli being a stripper/adultress/etc but fertile thus landing as a handmaid and Lina being the perfect image of a wife to a commander sticking to the rules makes a lot more sense if we were to think technically/in-character reality if you threw them in Gilead. Ugh its so hard to choose - I've been thinking about this way too much 🙈 I guess i just wanted to hear more about your thoughts on this au if you have any
I have been in this exact same position for literal MONTHS as well cause DAMN I love both scenarios.
With Holli being the wife, we'd get to see her be absolutely ruthless towards Lina, kinda like Serena towards June. But then Lina might see Holli in a vulnerable position and being as kind as she is offers support and comfort, resulting in them eventually building an odd trust between each other, which would then blossom into love eventually.
I could see Holli not even really wanting a child, and I see her in a really loveless marriage, just as forced upon her as Lina is as a handmaid. I see Holli as this really bitter, unlikable woman whose shell Lina has to spend a lot of time breaking through.
With Lina being the wife, I could see her being so sad to be in the position she's in, heartbroken to watch her husband have sex with another woman in front of her and guilty for being part of a system that regularly rapes women. So she always tries to be kind to Holli, even trying to be her friend, just to provide some sort of comfort. And Holli just wanting absolutely nothing to do with her for, well, obvious reasons.
I could see Holli also viewing Lina as someone really weak, this meek little submissive girl and then, when Holli would get pregnant, I could see a situation where Lina protects Holli from, let's say, an Aunt trying to use that... electrical baton? What's it called? (Please let me know) And Lina would basically FINALLY actually speak up and get angry, and everyone would be in shock cause Lina is this very sweet, meek woman, so no one even knows how to react to hearing her yell at an Aunt.
I guess, while I love both, with Lina being the wife and Holli the handmaid, it gives a pretty cool dynamic shift as wives are usually the dominant ones with handmaids being the submissive ones and to have Holli and Lina, where one is clearly has an overall more aggressive personality than the other in canon, switch dynamics like that would maybe be more interesting.
But, yeah, I love both. I might do both set-ups, and to just make it two short fanfics separate from each other.
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