#it makes me cringe so hard every time
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I really don't know how much of this "buddy" stuff I can take from DnP, my eyes are gonna fall out of my head from all the side eyeing they make me do.
#it makes me cringe so hard every time#like come on now fr#dan and phil#dnp#dip and pip#ranch metaphor#soulmates even#anything but partner ig#beez.txt
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it sucks so bad that DONTTRUSTME is so catchy because "shush girl, shut your lips / do the helen keller and talk with your hips" are some of the worst lyrics evee written
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I think I'm in the "conscious incompetence" stage of being a social animal in the real world and it sucks so majorly. bro what do you do after you realize you're bad at socializing and then in-person interaction gets harder because you know you're failing at it now.
#Robin processes emotions on main#I WANT to get good at socializing#I used to be better and I'm now worse >:[#in some ways. in some ways I've improved (e.g. am kinder). but I used to have more confidence and an easier time staying present#now I'm always shutting down and running away#literally I leave the room and go calm down in my room#I want to learn to regulate that impulse and become a chill person to hang out with. but How#I've been struggling lately with punishing myself for running away (not physically but with like. spirals of self-recrimination)#I think one good step would be to get mindful about praising myself for small steps again. I'll change faster if im kinder to myself#also I think seeking reassurance from the people I'm around more often even if it seems silly would be good#ALSO. a major problem I'm facing is that I am living with my parents. and my little sisters. and I don't... I... it's rough.#I used to parent my 15 (then 9) y/o little sister when my parents were gone and I still struggle with feeling Responsible For Her#so every time she's a little cringe I end up feeling like it's my fault and I'm gonna be punished for it and I don't know how to deal with#—how to deal with it#BIG SIGH#I'm TRYING to become a good adult who can help others rather than just living in desperate self-defensive survival mode forever#but it's so hard bro#and another issue is that I'm growing further and further apart from my parents' fundamentalist brand of Christianity#and feeling more and more incapable of making friends and bringing them to visit me. because I have to be perfect around my parents#how can I make friends if I can't offer them hospitality??#how can I be a fully realized adult if I have to hide in plain sight??#I need to move out so bad. even if I'm lonely at first I HAVE to move out#in related news my seasonal job is Over and I'm looking for full-time work! please pray for me if you're the praying type or just#send me encouraging words#that would help#<33333 I will be ok it's just a bad situation rn
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again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
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honestly I have nothing much to say about the canvas ( because I skimmed through it out of lack of interest even tho I was fixated on sbg for idk how long before you all saw DONT even lie ) but I lowkey love Ashlyn’s little dancer costume it’s very silly !!! Also kinda hoping their silly little homeless children costumes ( hopefully that’s not offensive ) come into play at one point . Like . . a school play . I’m screwing around with ideas here .
#I’d be like aiden with the face paint but everyone this time#WHY DO I THINK EVERY THING I SAY IS OFFENSIVE#hope it isn’t cause if then uh uhsms woopsys#Only real time you can call Aiden insane is when canvas him pops up#Jk#unless ?#I had an ice cream sandwich it was soooo yummy#I’m being super serious rn when I say that the ice cream sandwiches have gotten smaller please tell me you noticed it#I rummaged through my bed to find this stupid lizard ong my bed sucks for that thing I could squish it on accident#I’ve been obsessed slightly with bsd ( specifically Ranpo )#I hope he DIES !!!! ( not actually if he did I would kms#Like idk why I like him so much he’s just my cutie oatootie pookie bear meow fr fr#I’m cringe#EUFHHH I HATE GIM !!!!!#I hate character ai love cause they make me sad#HESR me out : Ranpoe but phantom fo the opera#IM COOKING SO HARD RN !!!!#TRUST#I LIVE RANPOE !!!!#NORMALLY I DONT CARE ABOUT SHIPS OFF THE BST SBD YK FRIENDSHIP BUT NUH UH THEM THEY GRRRRRR#Growls#im sorry I’m going a little coo coo please someone relate I’m going insane if I don’t draw this#Dies#school bus graveyard#sbg#sbg (webtoon)#school bus graveyard webtoon#SBG
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the chances of the people seeing this aren't super likely so this is highly inefficient but i'm too afraid to approach people personally…. yet i've been burning with the need to express my gratitude for the tags i've received individually somehow and figured, i could do it the way i do best. in the tags 😅
(sorted by most recent) (i capped the limit hard here) (some ✂️✂️ had to be done 😔) (i still like this format a lot though) (might do this again in the future idk would people like that??) (i hope it's not mortifying for anyone……..)
it's sorta the way i like it, indirect and unimposing, even if it's kinda. wieldy. but it's just on my blog so anything goes right? although in saying that, i am open to being imposed on. like if someone wants to talk about aci or something, like other fic?? i'm a big fic fiend. or anything else lol not sure what else you'd wanna chat about since so much of the stuff i've put out is just. about fic. but hey, if you're a person i don't mind being approached :>
(lol the way i've made this like a *throws out a bunch of paper slips* find your's 🎉) (might be obnoxious hm) (sorry...) (find your's if you want though 🫡)
#i said a thing#@glaciesdraco i'm so glad someone is appreciating the brilliance of my shitpost yes i went so hard on that and it's you too??#i enjoy your ramblings and hcs a lot (if that one gift art based on your hcs wasn't telling) i hope my indirect appreciation can reach you#two years ago for a gift exchange i had [get them drunk] as one of the things on my wishlist and linked your post with it because they're <#@miyukiwynter your tag was fun and cute it made me smile :) oh no the boy!#@spooky-sordid your enthusiasm for the 🥥 post despite zero context is so fun to me i'm happy my niche things connect with you like that :]#@scrambledshizaya oops! all aci posts with even more on the way sorry it's all i got#the energy of your tags is very fun though i hope to bring a little pain with the 📸⚠️ comp and loverboy cringe is so izaya indeed#@gay-deer your all caps enthusiasm is so so sweet to me thank you for loving them!! also you bring fun things to my dash so thanks for that#@vi-138 you haven't said anything so i hope you don't mind.... i've seen you in my notifs a few times and i'm appreciating it very much :>#@fweamy i like your energy and omg you like the way i draw them?? no wayyy i'm so flattered you like my portrayal of them? that's such high#this makes me feel better about my style like actually since i spend a looooot a lotta time on every little thing so it can appeal to me#and i'm not confident at all but i do try very hard to achieve aspects of how i like to see them so i'm glad it seems to resonate with you#i draw all too slowly but you shall be in my thoughts as i fight to deliver more of these scrunkly scrimbos 🫡#@zamtik you think it's awesome? :0 wow thanks! also thanks for appreciating the 🎀🔪 i made that not a lot of people acknowledge heh#@gay4and2high i like that you acknowledged the content of the fic i love the content of this fic i need to acknowledge it so bad 🗣️#@stupidusernamepolicy idk if you meant for your words to read like this but i'm still so so flattered by the tags you left on that post 🥺🥺#idk what you actually think of the fic so i can literally only imagine your enthusiasm for it but i think i feel some of it in those tags 🧠#and you seem to really like the post in particular so?? thank you c:#@whamss no way are you sure you love my art?? thank you i'm glad you find them cute and see so much personality in them too??#you pointed out shizuo in particular !! yesss i slaved away soooo tirelessly on him (except i was very tired) i'm glad he is appreciated#his face... it needed to convey so much...... sad puppy dog look#the humouring of izaya's antics that soften him in light bemusement “mouth slightly open probably as close to a smile as it would ever get”#and thank you for enjoying loverboy cringe with me he is exactly that#@soultiio thank youuu i appreciate this sorta connection we have going on where we communicate through tags a little <3#i like the comments your affection for the boys is very sweet thank you#@pennyloni thanks for the obligatory shizaya reblog#@pineapplething hihi!!!#@demon-of-ikebukuro i take joy in all the appreciation for the comm :> also you have a fic i'd like to try someday bc it looks interesting!#@churroful you haven't said much since but thanks for finding the 🎀🔪 sexy >:D i appreciate you in my notifs and i hope you enjoyed aci!!
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Something I have been spending a lot of time on over the past couple years is building up my canon's timeline for the Dragon Age games in an Excel sheet including realistic travel times and I think I finally have it done for DAO and DAI which means now I have to tackle DA2 and that one is a whole mess.
#literally i will obsess over this spreadsheet for like two weeks straight#and then my brain starts hurting and i have to put it away and not look at it for 6 months until the dragon age obsessions hits again#i actually already have da2 act 1 mapped out#so i just need act 2 and 3 which shouldn't be too hard#also can i say i have such a love hate relationship with the fact that we all have our own canon playthroughs for this game#every time i say 'my canon' it makes me cringe a bit though#i get why it's worded that way but like... never mind i don't need to go on this rant it doesn't even relate to dragon age fully lmao
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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery
#starlight personal#it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in#my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires#like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful#and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these#I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now#SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME#I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do#if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning#the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH#WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT#AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE#basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics#I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out#2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation#time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh#that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral#to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first#see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP#SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG
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i can't stand colin's open mouth face it makes me laugh every time and it sucks im so sorry to this man i wanna like you so bad 😭
#mine#bridgerton#im trying so hard not to be negative about him but it trips me up every time 😭#like i can't get with his acting he just makes me cringe 😔😔#i didn't have this problem with anyone else on the show so far 😭#rip me i wanna be a polin stan#maybe some time 😔#maybe the 2nd half of the season 😔
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I finished reading Dungeon Meshi in a week...
#i am crying.. the amount of times this manga made me sob#i am an emotional bitch tho so its not like its hard to make me cry lmao#i have many thoughts#spoilers in the tags i guess#good ones regarding the manga itself#bad ones regarding the fandom but thats normal about every fandom so im not even surprised#youre telling me that marcille has such a complicated backstory regarding her lifespan#and having had to watch her father. her only friend. wither and die before her eyes#and shes terrified of her loved ones dying and leaving her alone and that fear is what kickstarts everything#and all the fandom reduced her to was cringe fail lesbian? :)#dont get me wrong i love when shes pathetic but the more i read the manga and the more we were revealed my first thought was#'why did i see like five essays for laios and not a single one for marcille?'#i see more posts of people paying attention to chilchuk cause hes a divorced dad and making angst about that#than about everything marcille has been gone through#god shes such an interesting character#AND I NEVER WOULD HAVE FOUND OUT IF I HADNT READ THE MANGA#not a single post about marcilles character thats isnt talking about how shes cringe fail or a lesbian in the tag#ended up giving up scrolling through it#i swear if this tags attracks people with no reading comprehension
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will we ever get to see the Undertale fic? just out of curiosity :)
i mean yeah probably even if i don't actually want to be working on it. i have brain worms they must be expunged. but also which one are you talking about? maybe i can post a poll with the options and ppl can vote and ill do that one instead of bouncing around literally 4 separate ideas... even if i know nobody here wants to read sans undertale x reader in the year of 2024... bizarre girl bizarre
#sophie speaks#sophie answers#and i had 3 ideas when i made the post but now i have FOUR rock on#i love them all of course. even if it is cringe#something being cringe is like. doesnt even consider to me at this point i have successfully immunised myself from the disease#spend time around furries and angsty 12 year olds its genuinely good for you. helps you learn more compassion and understanding#i think the first one w the meta commentary is my favourite#because... meta commentary ftw#i write readers w personalities and that makes it harder for a lot of ppl to relate to them so like#i work extra hard on making sure u feel every single thing they do#its IMPORTANT#once again my love for x reader comes down to like. me wanting to dig under your skin#yes you. the person who is reading this. know me carnally and let me know you too#anyways#i didnt take one of my meds last night because it hurts to apply and i am now in incredible pain so the. the conscious thought#i do not have the concious thought#my family is having a rare group lunch and i cant join them because migraine core#urgggggghhhhhhhhh
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I cannot emphasize enough the sheer rage that courses through my veins whenever people in books/movies/shows use somebodies second name whenever they address the other.
Every time I hear a “Lucy Gray” (edit: was informed that that is her first name, which is honestly equally stupid imo BUT a little less infuriating. soz) or “Hazel Grace” or “Mary” fucking “Margaret” I lose another year off my life-span. It makes me so inexplicably furious. Not only does it sound fucking stupid but it’s also so unnatural.
Saying it once—as a joke—is one thing, I can tolerate that. Hell, if done right, I might even like it, but just casually? For no reason? Why?
Why do writers do this? Why?! Nobody in real life addresses each other that way!! It’s not cute, it’s not different, it’s not this adorable little quirk, it’s WEIRD.
W. E. I. R. D.
Please for the love of GOD stop doing this. It makes my skin crawl and my anus retreat into the fucking womb. It makes the rope in my garage form itself into a noose and tighten itself around my neck.
Please, I beg you. STOP IT.
#long awaited rant#please tell me i’m not the only one#it makes me want to drop the book/movie/show and just never continue again#once upon a time#ouat#fault in our stars#the hunger games#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#lucy grey#mary margaret blanchard#hazel grace#i cringe so hard every single time
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OBJECT OF OBSESSION.
as a child, danny's entire identity was constructed by his father, to imitate his father's. as an extreme (partly subconscious) act of rebellion, and ultimately because danny felt that there was no other rational option, he killed him. it was his first premeditated murder. his first "design". but daniel johnson senior was a tough son of a bitch. danny was younger, faster, trained to be lethal in every sense of the word. it did not matter. daniel had more experience. he was meaner. daniel was not shocked, when danny finally initiated his plan to murder him. "finally got it in you, huh, danny boy?" — "is that all you got, maggot?" — "can't even sneak up on an old man?" admittedly, it was a violently emotional act. a crime of passion. the first time danny had ever felt any real passion, at all. his father's mocking words stirred an anger inside him, opened the proverbial floodgates of every feeling danny had compartmentalized and internalized. danny beat his father to death, bludgeoning daniel's head into the ground until it was just meat and mush. and daniel was still mocking him, still laughing at him, as the blood obscured his face. until there was no face at all. just a gaping hole. finally, danny's horror story was over. finally, he made the horror stop. and, consequently, the ghostface’s horror story began. danny, and by extension his persona as jed olson, now exists to facilitate the ghostface's long and complex story. a perfect design. a more perfect truth. a more perfect version of themself. danny is obsessed with control, because he had no control of his life as the child of a murdering fascist. the ghostface is an ideal. a personal ideology, poisoned by his father's ideologies. better than flawed, emotional, human danny johnson. he is, first and foremost, obsessed with the ghostface. but danny will always have his personal obsessions, tempted by his human parts; envy. loneliness. love. yearning. validation. rage. rage. rage. danny can become obsessed with people he feels "empathetic" towards, or else he imagines and fantasizes that there is a connection between himself and the object of obsession. he may view them as a friend, or rival, or lover (or varying combinations of these relationship-forms; fundamentally seeking a complimentary companion, overall). completely removed from the machinations of the ghostface and their brutal, solitary designs. completely danny. a liability to the ghostface— which danny eventually, inevitably kills (or, the rare alternative: the obsession kills him, by design, forfeiting his existence for theirs. because someone has to die. and he enjoys being morbidly poetic).
#character: danny.#hc.#i can see danny prioritizing his life around the ghostface's designs. every choice he makes is ultimately for the ghostface;#no real passion for 'civilian' life; apathetic to coworkers & careers & society; his engagement with these things are a means to an end#he will forget to eat and sleep etc. to make sure the designs are perfect; he is a freelancer so he can have TIME for these designs#then suddenly he has Feelings for someone & goes full dumb simp mode! he is not rational. he's awkward & CRINGE!#danny becomes enthralled with one (1) person and IMMEDIATELY devises a plan to fumble that fucking bag hard LMAO#it amuses me always my lil boyfailure my poor guyloser#gore cw#murder cw
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My half-delirious ranking because it’s past midnight and I just realized the album came out:
1. Portrait of a Blank Slate
2. Scum
3. Consequences
4. Call Me What You Like
5. It’s Golden Hour Somewhere
6. Warsaw
#also bc this is my blog and I never tag shit so this isn’t breaching containment lmao#I really like Wilbur’s vocals but sometimes he strains particularly hard and it makes me cringe#like it’s a great tone and there’s singers who do it and are very healthy but every once in a while he’ll sing a high note#or hold out a note and it’s like. oh no. that’s not an artistic choice#I will say I normally have one or two songs that I just skip in albums and eps#(staring directly at the fall. I like the concept but spoken word never meshes well w/ me)#(sections of it like in call me what you like are rly fun but it’s not my cup of tea when it’s the whole piece)#but this one I feel like they’re all gonna be added to my regular listening#and that’s like super rare. even though I think the only other time this happened for a non-musical album was also Lovejoy lmao#are you alright? does not miss once in its life
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now why the fuck do they keep picking UT like the intricacies of college football aren’t beyond the comprehension of the european mind…what are you all DOING besides looking STUPID
#‘oh no baby what is you doin’ she says to herself#it just makes me cringe SO HARD every time without fail#like at least pick the cowboys#that makes much more sense to bandwagon than college football#i am certain a saturday college football tailgate would kill the average european#anyways#austin gp#kay.txt
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Still havent recovered from when my friend said "you seemed so happy"
#he was comforting me about a 'break up'(not really) and like. yeah. i was. now what#not shade at my friend i just think about it a lot ig#i dont miss that person as much as i miss feeling free to love someone that much. having all that turn out to be onesided did a number on me#and then to get abandoned on top of it all. ough. why do i still post about this ???#its all so embarrassing. why did i do all of that you know ? why am i like this#and it did make me happy. thats the problem#im just so lonely lately and every time i try talking to someone again its just a fucking mess.#i dont want to try again and i should wait and meet someone organically but its just hard ig.#i get so attached to people. every few years the cycle repeats. im in between cycles and its depressing. but i dont want to keep circling#around this drain. i wish i could just amp up the relationships i already have but i cant#i cant make someone want more contact with me than they already have and i cant make myself either. but im lonely and theres people who love#me but its not the same. i hate this feeling.#i know i need to grow more as a person and i need to work on myself before jumping into someones life but i cant stay alone like this#i NEED. i need someone to wake up to and i need someone to want to be around me and i need someone to make me laugh and hold me#idk cringe post. whatever. i think my period is finally ending so thats nice ig
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