#it makes it so much easier to understand their pain as theyre both relatable

[robingoetia12]

I have really mixed opinions on the “Stolas is a bad dad” debate. Personally I don’t think he’s a terrible dad, like he’s no where near as bad as Cash and Crimson. He’s nowhere near as bad as his own father. I understand Octavia’s feelings however (bit of a vent here). My dad has let me down multiple times throughout my life (he still does sometimes)

Here’s how I know Stolas is somewhat a good parent. He actually takes accountability for his actions and apologises to Via. My dad has not apologised once for the horrible things he’s said to me.

And in the end that’s what solves the argument for me.

Having my dad hug me and apologise to me and me not feel uncomfortable with him initiating physical contact would heal me so much… but I don’t think it’ll happen. Which is why I’m so jealous I don’t have a dad like Stolas. Also his song “You Will Be Okay” makes me cry. That’s how you know I have daddy issues 🤣

[larrythefloridaman]

Y'all like your deities with or without the shell?

Under the readmore is aaaaaaaaall color god observations and musings based on them, because I am studying to become the world's Premiere Chromatheologian and RGB Understander so under the cut is pretty much Oops! All Spoilers! up to the most recent episode of season 3.

Apparently Universal Color God Attributes:

Damage to their domain hurts them, but fixing the issue, or lashing out by using their powers destructively, can help them to repair the damage.

If they sustain enough damage, it can temporarily paralyze them and send them into a strengthened but 'exposed' state (chartreuse's spirit activation in the last fight of 19) and further damage after that will activate a failsafe, which is unique by domain but seemingly designed to give them the chance to balance things, but can get… very out of hand or backfire depending on circumstances. (see: cobalt’s failsafe sending mark's universe into a never-ending apocalyptic war because word of the cure for death became too widespread for the killing urge failsafe to affectively balance anything because every side could simply revive their fallen.)

Chartreuse's failsafe is something of a stopped time bubble quarantine where processes that require the passing of time cannot complete, allowing her the time to wear down the offending party to beat them to death or plan around finishing them.

Cobalt's is inciting war, the casualties serving to balance the scale. I'm not sure we know Crimson's yet- he's never taken enough direct damage without doing damage to compensate in order to trigger it, although i dont remember season one well enough to recall if any of the universe stuff in it tracks with the pattern bc season one is a bit fucky

Connected in a fashion that allows them to simply Sense the overall status of the others to some extent, although they don't know Why theyre in the state theyre in without asking (chartreuse [and by extension, folk, presumably on her information] confronting crimson via crimsonaut for pretending to be dead, Cobalt confronting both his siblings about how they are handling their duties improperly but not knowing about Folk. He knew about the constants deaths because hes a death god, duh, but he didnt use their names like crimson did, possibly implying they're erased upon death so thoroughly that only crimson and the constants can really recall a shattered constants' existence, not even the other guardians.)

Abilities of the guardians can be replicated by mortals through three apparent methods- through machines (dimensional bus, the time machine, presumably J0hn's part in Sephiroth's resurrection,) simply through advanced enough individual skill (Home MD curing death, potentially Dantoinette's universe portal travel, maybe Genwun's sped up time bubble that evolved them into Genfour? although that could very well have just been an illusion and theyre just like, a fuckin theater kid that was doing pretend character development for the Bit or something given GenFive turned out to be a zoroark) or through stealing some of the power of the relevant god (Dr. Order stealing Chartreuse's power, Dani maybe having stolen some of Crimson's when she beat his ass. Dani's one woman universal travel is like, wicked ambiguous)

Cobalt:

Can seemingly perceive or act through any living material. (The Tree. Cobalt instructed Larry to slap his hand on that tree, that shit glowed and he had a new deal tattoo without Cobalt ever having been physically present)

Can influence the resurrected by giving them a killing urge. Represented by an aberrant brainwave and a ringing in the undead's heads. This doesnt appear to be direct control- as the Grunk could clearly restrain himself from killing people that genuinely didn't deserve it (like nightly and cha cha, who WERE grunk event targets but not fatally so. Nagito was a crimson thing so it really doesn't count here. God poor grunk his life really is just a constant plaything in the hands of the gods huh) and Sephiroth very much had personal motivation to want to kill Folk. failsafe activates this ability on the scale of war.

Deals. The extent of what Cobalt can do with these is unclear but Iggy's god powers were taken from him as his part in the deal so what he can take isn't limited to physical things or things obviously related to his domain.

Weaknesses:

Deals. While this ability is impressive his preference for making deals for those that offend against his domain is potentially very exploitable- Larry's knowledge of the cure for death is, if word of it were to ever get out beyond Larry, wildly dangerous for this dimension, so technically the safest thing for the iron-fisted cobalt to do would be to nip the problem in the bud and get rid of him. But, fascinatingly, that wasn't even put on the table, the first thing Cobalt does is threaten J0hn, prompting Larry to make a deal. While Cobalt enforces death, he also doesn't like unnecessary death, and Larry demonstrably knows how to keep a secret for the good of the world even at great cost to himself and Cobalt is aware of this- easily clarifying to Larry the aberrant thing endangering the universe wasn't his timeloop business. So while he's clearly not letting his resurrection fuckery go unpunished, he's being pretty merciful when he doesn't have to be and from a strictly, brutally pragmatic perspective probably shouldn't be.

His control over the undead manifests as a ringing and an aberrant brainwave trackable by J0hn's equipment, and could probably therefore be accounted for and circumvented? J0hn has, wisely, largely sworn off fucking with people's brains after the sephiroth fiasco went So Wrong, So Very Wrong, Oh God Oh Fuck Someone Cool Almost Died, but if he hadn't, and if J0hn let his dislike for authority and keeping Larry safe outweigh reason like he let safety, spite and comedic value outweigh good ethical sense when reprogramming sephiroth, in theory Mr. 'hacked a time machine for breakfast?' could. y'know. probably do it. what is a god's authority to an anarchist, what better to challenge life and death than the cold and eternal machine, you get the point its a fun scenario

Olive Garden Breadsticks and Small Cute Dogs, apparently

Chartreuse's:

Time Clones: taps into parallel timelines to retrieve alternate versions of herself to utilize.

Time Travel: what it says on the tin. Travel to the past creates painful splits in the prime timeline, but through careful action and traveling back into the past, these can be weaved into a time loop. A split from the timeline is a wound, and a successful timeloop is the surgical scar it can become with attentive care, to use a medical metaphor. Carefully closed and healing. Keeping Folk here is essentially akin to chartreuse pulling out her stitches on the initial incision.

Time Stopping: creates a space wherein things that take time to complete cannot complete, where things can move, but everything within is in a perfect unchanging stasis until the bubble drops. This is the form her failsafe takes.

Timeline Creation: can create timelines from scratch.

Can fuse alternate timeline versions of the same individual to allow them to coexist. (Ryan's confirmed in the discord that Dantoinette experienced both failures in 20, because Chartreuse fused the two instances of her to save the post-raid instance from fading. Could... theoretically do this to Folk and save herself the pain, but while Folk and Therapuppy are the same person, there's seven years and untold amounts of difference deriving from the time and circumstance between them and the inherent cognitive dissonances that would result from attempting that would be wicked fucked up to inflict, and that's assuming there isn't some reason that it wouldn't be possible anyway. while the two Danis had like. A day or so's difference between them, so she could be safely fused with the only dissonant thing being that she remembers both being too slow to prevent order's time escape and beginning to dissipate post-raid, AND losing that fight to her pre-raid. RIP Dani, that perfectionism must be kicking her ass)

Weaknesses:

Unwilling to use her powers destructively in her pursuit of domain repair and thereby much easier to damage to the point of paralyzing her, making her particularly vulnerable to Power Theft

Morally Optimistic. At one point in 19, she briefly justifies Crimson's shitty evil actions to herself after experiencing for herself how Wack the kerfuffleverse is firsthand, ("and all he did was kill a couple people!" Chartreuse. Honey.) and when she fights Crimsonaut she seems to actually believe for a second that he's actually worried about her when Crimson asks if she's okay after he beats her. Additionally, as D+, she concerns herself with trying to understand doctor order's motive, and after Larry defeats Order, he makes a point of confirming she feels no remorse before making his request for what Chartreuse does with her, and appeals to the idea of letting Order fulfill her desire to be a god in a way which isn't a problem for anyone and Chartreuse is more than happy to oblige under these conditions after what Larry's done for everybody. Then immediately threatens to evaporate him for playfully teasing her about having a crush on folk. Fucked up a little bit

Crimson's:

Universe Shifting: Travel between universes.

Universe Correction: appears to replace an aberrant individual with the 'correct' version of themselves for that universe, presumably sending them back to their own. (Mario from super mario was universe corrected, but still seemingly exists in wario form as evidenced by smashup kerfuffle, and was simply temporarily replaced with his corrected universe counterpart. But like. The dimensional bus system is still active crimbo doing the Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me routine aint gonna work if they can come back with a shrug and bus fare. you're fighting the symptoms without treating the problem)

Universal Constants:

Three individuals per universe that serve as the pillars which stabilize said universe, created by absorbing red orbs Crimson creates. Becoming a constant grants power, but also makes the constant fragile, and death wipes them from the face of the multiverse, only crimson, those he's possessed and the other constants seemingly able to recall they ever existed, although some physical evidence is still left behind (Larry's record of Nagito's death, which is just as redacted as everything else relating to him but still is very much something Larry has. Kind of a Voidfish adventurezone type beat ironically enough? Taako really has seen all this shit before no wonder he peaced tf out)

To counterbalance the weaknesses the constants have, they have a sort of spidey-sense to alert them to danger, and an intrinsic bonded connection to their fellow constants, and additionally, Crimson apparently doesn't suffer any pain from the death of constants or the structural instability of a universe.

Possession: what it says on the tin! Seemingly can only be done with permission to living things- none of crimson's direct hosts seem to have entered that agreement unwillingly, Valentine lost a bet, Hamburger and Crimsonaut have been by all evidence intentional allies to Crimson- but electronics are fair game, as seen with The Guy's suit. Kinda curious how that rule applies to bitches that are half and half, like J0hn or the clonebot gang, as its unclear whether The Guy's suit was yoinkable without permission because it was mechanical or because its not sentient. could go either way but if it's the former that's potentially very frightening

Fusion: Two individuals from alternate universes can be fused into one shared body which can take on aspects of either depending on which is currently in control. (possibly allows someone who traveled into a given universe to become a fixed resident there without it being an issue for Crimson, whose job is to prevent interdimensional travel?) Monday Mark and possibly T.O.M. are our main examples.

Corruption:

Unpleasant As Hell and can even kill you instead of changing you if you cant handle it.

turns the corrupted individual into a twisted exaggeration of themself, allows them supernatural control over their shape, and makes them very difficult- if not impossible by traditional means- to kill, based on Garfield.

Subjects them to control by Crimson, but can be exorcised of this influence just like crimson's direct hosts can, although the supernatural changes to their physiology are seemingly permanent, judging from Shantae.

Notable Weaknesses:

Exorcism can be performed to free a possessed or corrupted individual of Crimson's influence. Its unclear how exorcism works/is learned in CPUK, but confirmed exorcists: dantoinette and yung papaya's snake dad, confirmed non-exorcists: folk

The universal constant orbs are physical objects so they are Very Stealable and they grant a power boost so theres literally an Incentive to beat his ass for anybody who wants to be strong and either doesnt know or doesn't care about the whole 'getting erased when you die' part

Crimson has lots of tools to create pawns, but all of them have drawbacks. Corruption could kill a potential pawn, possession generally seems to require permission, and he has no control over the constants' choices and actions

Manipulative bitch's highest stat is charisma and it shows. This motherfucker is selling snake oil. If he was mortal rather than a Whole Entire God he'd make an excellent ineffectual saturday morning cartoon supervillain and i think everyone, including him, would be happier for it, ngl

Something interesting ive realized that likely wasnt fully intentional, is that a lot of Dr. Order's creations, considering her motive, can kind of be sorted by a color god it appears to be a crude attempt at mimicking the abilities of. My Grunk is a poorly executed resurrection, the clonebot gang vs chartreuse's timeclones (this one deserves special mention because Chartreuse used this shitty attempted mimicry to her advantage with D+, very smart and ironic play, excellent job Treusy,) spirits are somewhat similar to universal constant orbs (orbs which can be absorbed to grant power, but which have physical repercussions- key differences being that spirits require activation and grow stronger while attuning to a user without being used, and having far less severe drawbacks, taking a heavy toll on the body, but only once they've worn off and without the risk of wiping yourself from the face of existence,) and she also augmented Perfect Spriteman and Larry, which kind of track as crude imitations of Crimson's corruption!

Garfield was an acerbic cat who loved food and hated mondays, now its an actively malicious ever-hungry amorphous entity whose only weakness is monday and whose only consistency in form is 'cat-like.'

Shantae was (to my extremely limited understanding of shantae,) a friendly heroic type who had to introduce herself often, and she became something akin to a biblically accurate angel that can *only* introduce herself.

The Grunks a tough but sweet and supportive single dad with stage presence and a tendency to fly off the handle when he or his family are slighted, and now he gets so hype in the audience when his son does well that he bursts into flames and ascends and we get random grunk events along with the associated murder charges when he gets mad and the target sucks enough that he doesn't hold himself back from killing them.

Perfect Spriteman and Larry fit the trend of exaggeration of already present traits- Spriteman fucking loves sprite and became something that only thinks about sprite, and Larry the Florida Man, characterized from minute one by unpredictability and who spent his first matches in the series pre-shapeshifter transformation staying alive keeping stocks for Shockingly Long even despite getting seventh, became literally physically random as well as developing the ability to regenerate, albeit with the ability to feel pain normally very much intact, unlike Garfield just... Soaking up damage like its nothing in his pursuit of Jon. The fact that Arbuckle legit defeated Garfield, even temporarily, is terrifyingly impressive honestly that dude is fucking built different for being so chronically bland

i dont think they're actually corrupted in any meaningful way we have to worry about, to be fully clear, Spriteman was cured with fucking antacids, i simply think they could be a fucked up attempt at making something that kind of seems like it from a functional standpoint, from the wannabe god doctor that brought us green clones whose only fundamental association with time was accelerated aging and who thought an actively rotting corpse thats just reanimated enough that it can throw hands was as good as curing death

[acflare]

Who are your favorite top ten black clover characters & ships? Talk about them!

Oh boy let’s see (guess I gotta draw pics too to justify rambling on my sketchbook blog, lol)

Wow picking favorites is hard

Probably the best way to find out would be to write why I love every character and see who ends up with the longest rant but that’d take way too long, lol

1. Zora

Oh boy, Zora is just… 100% my aesthetic. Sharp teeth, edgy, snarky, his magic is awesome As a character he’s just so fun because he looks the ‘doesn’t care about anything’ type, but he had to train SO hard to get his magic to be that way, and he cares a ton about justice and people not being garbage.

2. Finral

My favorite until Zora showed up, lol His character development over the course of the story just… makes me live. No confidence in his fighting ability, literally a coward who develops into one of my favorite fighters. All the moves he pulls in fights are so much fun and well thought out. (Not to mention I totally relate to the inferior older sibling complex 😩)

3. Asta

Frikn He probably makes it into my favorite anime protags of all time Asta is just a ball of love and joy that co-habitates his body with a demon??? (Speaking of the demon, the more lines it gets the closer it gets to being one of my faves) Asta is just so relatable. Also the fact that he has breaking points??? He isn’t always screaming, or happy, he has been terrified, hopeless, full of rage, shocked – the faces he made during the hecking trial chapter made me cry

4. Patri

Such a good villain. Like, he’s a kid who got shoved into the body of the one he idolized in his previous life and forms a cult? When his ‘Licht’ facade wears away and you get to see how petty and angry he is it’s just sooo gooood. And when he just takes a moment to cry in Licht’s arms? Problematic fav.

5. Gauche

Okay hear me out here I firckn hate the whole ‘sisc*n’ gag – but if you take it as just that, a gag, then he becomes a super fun character. Literally alone in the world with only his baby sister whom he loves more than anything, and slooooowly adopting the Black Bulls into his family !!

6. Magna

I almost left him out bc he hasn’t been in any chapters in a while and I forgot how amazing he is Magna feels so deeply and I love it. Nobody is left without hugs due to any attempt to sustain an image – if you need a hug, Magna is there for you. A fantastic senpai and friend. I really hope he’s being left out as a setup to burst in and be a whole new tier of awesome…

7. Yami

Team dad, does not care what anyone thinks and has full faith in his whole team. Like, he recruits all these weirdos, some who don’t even show off combat capabilities, and he only sees their potential. Just… when they live up to his expectations and lights up I just love that. He’s such a perfect captain

8. Marx

He’s very much a side character but he makes me happy every time I see him He’s just got such a hard job (and the Wizard Kind does NOT make it any easier for him 😂) There’s just something fun about a character always 100% stress (someone give him a vacation, please)

9. Gordon

Yo Gordon is so wholesome? He appears creepy by being nonexpressive and ridiculously quiet while wearin heckin Marilyn Manson makeup but he just… wants to be friends. Also, his family is amazing, and with how his father has managed to repurpose his own magic, I have high hopes for Gordon’s in the future

10. Noelle

My precious daughter I love her. Her ojousama/tsundere combination is fun, but her backstory really makes her being adopted by the Bulls that much better, and just makes me root for her that much harder every time she succeeds ❤

Okay, now for fav ships

Oh boy, let’s see

1.Noelle x Asta

Asta’s just full affection toward his friends is such a good combo with Noelle being a tsundere. Not only that, but Noelle has p much been starved of affection her whole life, so pairing her with Asta just feels so hecking wholesome 😭

2.Luck x Magna

Their friendship is already amazingly wholesome, it just makes it that much more fun if Luck has a crush on Magna, haha. Luck has already displayed tsundere-like behavior, and wit Magna being genuine and affectionate when it matters, it makes for a fun (and possibly painful ⚡) combination

3.Charlotte x Yami

It’s a fairytale with a 100% oblivious prince! How much better can it get? 😂 Plus they’re a heckin rad power couple. Plus dat social status gap yo

4.Grey x Gauche

Frikn… I shipped this since the water temple arc for funsies and the CInderella Grey chapter fed me. Any Grey ship is cute, but anxious fluffy Grey clinging to Gauche, who hates literally everyone is just an aesthetic to me.

5.Patri x William

Sort of a ‘you’re the only one in the world who understands me’ feel to it – also Patri is in dire need of affection. Prolly William too.

6.Mars x Fana

Theyre childhood sweethearts that went through wayyyy too much. It’s cute and I want them to be happy

7.Vetto x Fana (Elf)

Give me soft Vetto! We’ve seen how sweet he was before the devil magic made him all angy, and not-psycho Fana looks like she’s on the spunkier side – give me pushover Vetto!

….im a failure of a shipper I think I’m out of romantic ships

I’m not really a multishipper n the show’s done a good job of giving lots of characters cute crushes

I guess I’ll just list fav platonic ships for the last three

8.Finral & Noelle

Finral deserves to have a younger sibling to fawn over and Noelle deserves an affectionate older sibling also seeing all of Finral’s flirting with Noelle as fawning instead makes it cute rather than problematic

9.Secre & Asta

SECRE IS SUCH A GOOD BIG SISTER!!! Gosh she really turned out to love Asta (I mean, so did everyone else, but) also Noelle’s love of her is super cute, I want her to be a big sister to both of them 💕

10.Rhya & Patri

Yo, I love their relationship. Rhya’s always teasing and looking out for Patri, it just feels like he cares about him so much – originally it looked like Rhya was disrespectful, or lazy, but rewatching everything it just feels like he’s looking out for Patri.

[unravelling-the-world]

random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie.  back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time.  i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

[patriotsnet]

How Are Republicans Doing In Midterms

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/how-are-republicans-doing-in-midterms/

How Are Republicans Doing In Midterms

Republicans Set To Rebound Big In 2022 Midterms Unless

Midterm elections: Do Republicans have a chance of keeping the House?

We are just 600 short days away from the 2022 midterm elections, which means it is the perfect time to handicap the Republicans chances to win back the House, Senate and prepare a serious challenge to President Biden

Patrick Joseph ToomeyBlack women look to build upon gains in coming electionsWatch live: GOP senators present new infrastructure proposalSasse rebuked by Nebraska Republican Party over impeachment voteMORE already have Democrats scrambling to flip those seats in much easier electoral terrain.

As I noted in The Hill last month, Republicans are on the hook to defend 20 of their seats in 2022, while Team Blue has just 14 seats to hold, all in states won by Joe Biden in 2020. Since March is a perfect month for sports analogies, a good defense provides for a strong offense when the status quo is Democrats retaining control of the upper chamber. While there is clearly a power in incumbency, FiveThirtyEight suggests that senate vacancies are actually more of a mixed bag. In election cycles since 1974, the party with the most Senate retirements has actually;gained;seats just as often as it has lost them. For every year like 2008, when more Republicans than Democrats retired and Republicans lost seats accordingly, theres a year like 2012, when a whopping seven Democrats retired yet the party picked up two Senate seats.

How these various Rs play out in the next few months will determine if the Rs are successful in 2022.

National View: Republican Resurgence In 2022 Already On The Horizon

Reading the political tea leaves 18 months in advance is as tricky as making a weather forecast for the same timeframe. But every so often, circumstances combine to increase the odds in the forecasters favor. Looking ahead to next years midterms is one of them. Because if things continue on their current course, Nov. 8, 2022, will be a very good night for Republicans around the country.

For starters, history is on the GOPs side going into the campaign. Theres a long track record of the incumbent presidents party losing seats during a midterm election. In fact, since 1934, only two presidents have enjoyed an increase in their partys numbers in the House and Senate: Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1934 and George W. Bush in 2002.

Excluding those two exceptions, losses are big for the party that occupies 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Especially for first-term presidents and particularly in the House. Consider Presidents Donald Trump , Barack Obama , Bill Clinton , Ronald Reagan , and Gerald Ford . All were shellacked at the ballot box, resulting in significantly fewer members of their party in the House of Representatives.

According to FiveThirtyEight, the GOP also has a turnout advantage in midterms. Under Republican presidents since 1978, the GOP has enjoyed a plus-one shift toward party identification for those who vote in midterm elections. That margin swells to plus-five under Democratic presidents.

The Big Question Of The 2022 Midterms: How Will The Suburbs Swing

Democrats and Republicans are already jockeying for a crucial voting bloc that soured on Donald Trump, tilted to Joe Biden and now holds the key to the second half of the presidents term.

By Trip Gabriel

PAPILLION, Neb. Pursuing a bipartisan infrastructure deal and trumpeting a revived economy and progress against the pandemic, President Biden is trying to persuade the nation that Democrats are the party that gets things done. His message is aimed at holding on to a set of voters in next years midterms who could determine the fate of his agenda: suburbanites who abandoned former President Donald Trump in droves.

More than any other group, those independent-minded voters put Mr. Biden in the White House. Whether they remain in the Democratic coalition is the most urgent question facing the party as it tries to keep its razor-thin advantage in the House and the Senate next year.

Mr. Biden made his pitch again on Friday when he signed an executive order intended to protect consumers from the anti-competitive practices of large businesses.

But Republicans are also going to war for suburban votes. The party is painting the six-month-old Biden administration as a failure, one that has lost control of the Southwestern border, is presiding over soaring crime rates and rising prices and is on the wrong side of a culture clash over how schools teach the history of racism in America.

Its going to be a big issue in 2022, Mr. Emmer said.

Read Also: What Is The Definition Of Republicanism

Conventional Wisdom Says The Democrats Are Finished After The Midterms But The Conventional Wisdom Might Be Wrong

In politics, the rule is treated as immutable, like the law of gravity that Isaac Newton supposedly conceived while sitting under an apple tree in 1666. The political equivalent is the dictum that the party that controls the White House is doomed to lose congressional seats in every off-year election. Presidential victories are invariably followed by an outgoing tide that takes away the winning partys congressional seats.

Like Newtons laws of physics, this one is based on intense observation of the real world. Since the Civil War, the presidents party has gained off-year House seats only three times. And many of these repudiations of a sitting president have been stunningly unequivocal: Since 1934, the Oval Office party has lost 40 or more House seats in nine off-year elections. The Senate numbers are less dramatic, but still lopsided: The party in power gained seats in just seven of 26 off-year elections since 1913, when the Seventeenth Amendment mandated direct election of senators.

At first glance, there seems to be an inherent logic to this off-year pattern, especially for Democratic presidents. In 1992, Bill Clinton won just 43 percent of the vote, and by 1994 may have overreached his shaky mandate. In 2010, Barack Obama suffered because an inadequately sized stimulus failed to solve the problem that afflicted voters: the economic pain from the Great Recession. The successful Republican cry that year was Where are the jobs?

The Party Is Rightly Worried About Polls Showing Republican Gains The Solution Is To Stop Talking About Doing Things And Start Actually Doing Them

For the better part of President Joe Bidens first year in office, theres been talk of an;FDR-size presidency;and a hot vax summer. Now we might be on the;cusp of a bipartisan infrastructure deal. The adults are in the room, and the;sensible Democrats are in ascendance. But those tides could quickly shift: During a closed-door lunch last week with some of his most vulnerable incumbents, House Democrats campaign chief delivered a blunt warning: If the midterms were held now, they would lose the majority, wrote Sarah Ferris and Heather Caygle in;Politico;this week.;

At that grave meeting, New York Representative Sean Patrick Maloney , with new polling that showed Democrats falling behind Republicans by a half-dozen points on a generic ballot in battleground districts in hand, called on Democrats to course-correct before 2022 by better promoting of the Biden agenda . Democrats plan to respond to these headwinds with a messaging blitz that will highlight the White Houses ambitious plans to juice the economy and better explain what Democrats have been doing to help the Covid-ravaged country.;

Heres the good news, says Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee executive director Tim Perisco in the article: Everything we are doing and everything weve talked about doing is incredibly popular.;The funny thing, of course, about the things that Democrats are doing or talking about doing is that theyre not yet done.;

Don’t Miss: How Many Electoral Votes Do Republicans Have

The Unknown And The Unknowable

Despite polarization and fixed opinions of the two parties and their leaders, objective reality has at least a marginal impact on election results, and we dont know what the next 15 months hold for us, particularly in terms of the closely related topics of COVID-19 and economic trends. There is a tendency among pundits to overestimate campaigns and discrete events, and underestimate fundamentals, in understanding how voters voted. Without question, far too much credit was assigned to Newt Gingrich and his largely mythical Contract with America for what happened in 1994, as opposed to the regional realignment underway that year and the Democratic retirements it inspired. Similarly, the 2010 Republican wins were too often credited to the Tea Party movement instead of Democratic over-exposure after two consecutive winning and exciting Democratic election years.

Republicans like Lindsey Graham should beware of too much hype over the 2022 midterms. It wont take much for Republicans to retake the House, and retaking the Senate is definitely within the realm of possibility. But if Trump plays as big a role in the midterms as he apparently wants to, and his party inflates any gains into world-historical significance, getting rid of the 45th president and his brood may be impossible. And that could be a pyrrhic victory indeed.

Emerging Reasons Why The Midterms Might Not Be A Disaster For Democrats

As Republicans and Democrats stare each other down on Capitol Hill as they work through a long list of legislative fights, there is one thing in the backs of their minds: the looming midterm elections where most expect Republicans to gain power.

Or will they?

Historically, all signs point to yes. The presidents party has lost, on average, 27 US House seats during the administrations first midterm going back to World War II. In fact, there are only two times in the last century where the presidents party gained seats: 1934 and 2002, both during times of military uncertainty.

Structurally, all signs point to yes, also. Republicans need to flip just five seats to gain the majority in the US House. Changes due to redistricting, the decennial practice of reapportioning congressional seats according to changes in the US population, should provide at least that number of seats to the GOP. Democratic states like California, New York, Michigan, and Pennsylvania will all lose seats in Congress, while Republicans will determine how new districts are created in faster-growing states like Texas, Florida, and Montana. Back in New England, no state will gain or lose seats, but New Hampshire Republicans are expected to redraw the lines to carve out a Republican seat from the pair of seats currently held by Democrats.

Here are three reasons why:

1. Biden is relatively popular

2. Donald Trump remains a driving force in American politics

Boston Globe video

Read Also: What Color Ties Do Republicans Wear

Senator Amy Klobuchar Joins Jonathan Capehart To Discuss The New Restrictive Voting Laws

In three areas, the Republican Party is working to win elections not by persuading new voters to subscribe to their ideas, but by making their opponents incapable of victory.

I wrote last week about the choice Democrats face in whether to ban gerrymandering nationwide ahead of the 2022 midterms. While there are groups that want to end gerrymandering entirely, like former Attorney General Eric Holder’s National Democratic Redistricting Committee, it has been an uphill climb to get politicians on board with giving up one of the most palatable uses of pure partisan power.

That works out well, though, for Republicans, who 10 years ago used their success in the 2010 midterms to draw favorable electoral maps that made it easier for them to keep control of the House. And that was done with the Voting Rights Act still in place to help keep their worst excesses in check.

In three areas, the Republican Party is working to win elections not by persuading new voters to subscribe to their ideas, but by making their opponents incapable of victory.

Is that the same as stripping people of their right to vote? No. But it does raise the difficulty of casting a vote. And in cases like the above, in which it was mostly urban, minority voters who took advantage of these easier voting methods, there is a definite attempt to reshape the electorate in effect.

I Do Not Buy That A Social Media Ban Hurts Trumps 2024 Aspirations: Nate Silver

What can Republicans do to diminish a ‘blue wave’ in 2018?

sarah: Yeah, Democrats might not have their worst Senate map in 2022, but it will by no means be easy, and how they fare will have a lot to do with the national environment. And as we touched on earlier, Bidens overall approval rating will also make a big difference in Democrats midterm chances.

nrakich: Yeah, if the national environment is even a bit Republican-leaning, that could be enough to allow solid Republican recruits to flip even Nevada and New Hampshire. And then it wouldnt even matter if Democrats win Pennsylvania and Wisconsin.

One thing is for sure, though whichever party wins the Senate will have only a narrow majority, so I think were stuck in this era of moderates like Sens. Joe Manchin and Lisa Murkowski controlling every bills fate for at least a while longer.;

sarah: Lets talk about big picture strategy, then, and where that leaves us moving forward. Its still early and far too easy to prescribe election narratives that arent grounded in anything, but one gambit the Republican Party seems to be making at this point is that attacking the Democratic Party for being too progressive or woke will help them win.

What do we make of that playbook headed into 2022? Likewise, as the party in charge, what are Democrats planning for?

With that being said, the GOPs strategies could still gin up turnout among its base, in particular, but its hard to separate that from general dissatisfaction with Biden.

Also Check: Why Do Republicans Want To Impeach Obama

Possible 2010 Or 2014 Midterm Repeat

Big bets on policy also don’t necessarily pay off at the ballot box, a lesson Democrats learned a decade ago when they passed the Affordable Care Act. President Barack Obama’s domestic policy achievement also helped decimate congressional Democratic majorities in the 2010 and 2014 midterm elections.

It’s just one reason why Republicans feel good about their chances in 2022, along with structural advantages like the redistricting process, where House districts are redrawn every decade to reflect population changes. Republicans control the process in more states and are better positioned to gain seats.

“This deck is already stacked, because they’ve been gerrymandering these districts,” Maloney says. “And now they’re trying to do even more of it and add to that with these Jim Crow-style voter suppression laws throughout the country.”

He maintains that efforts among Republican-led state legislatures to enact more voting restrictions show the party has a losing policy hand for the midterm elections.

‘the Beast Is Growing’: Republicans Follow A Winning At All Costs Strategy Into The Midterms

Much remains uncertain about the midterm elections more than a year away including the congressional districts themselves, thanks to the delayed redistricting process. The Senate, meanwhile, looks like more of a toss-up.

House Democrats think voters will reward them for advancing President Joe Biden’s generally popular agenda, which involves showering infrastructure money on virtually every district in the country and sending checks directly to millions of parents. And they think voters will punish Republicans for their rhetoric about the Covid-19 pandemic and the 2020 election.

“Democrats are delivering results, bringing back the economy, getting people back to work, passing the largest middle-class tax cut in history, while Republicans are engaged in frankly violent conspiracy theory rhetoric around lies in service of Donald Trump,” said Tim Persico, executive director of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee.

But the challenges Democrats face are real and numerous.

They knew they would face a tough 2022 immediately after 2020, when massive, unexpected GOP gains whittled the Democratic majority to just a handful of seats.

“House Republicans are in a great position to retake the majority,” said Rep. Tom Emmer, R-Minn., who chairs the National Republican Congressional Committee, “but we are taking nothing for granted.”

His rural district had been trending Republican for years. Kind won re-election last year by just about 10,000 votes.

Don’t Miss: What Are The Main Differences Between Democrats And Republicans

Will 2022 Be A Good Year For Republicans

A FiveThirtyEight Chat

Welcome to FiveThirtyEights politics chat. The transcript below has been lightly edited.

sarah : Were still more than a year away from the 2022 midterm elections, which means it will be a while before we should take those general election polls too seriously. But with a number of elections underway in 2021, not to mention a number of special elections, its worth kicking off the conversation around what we do and dont know about Republicans and Democrats odds headed into the midterms.

Lets start big picture. The longstanding conventional wisdom is that midterm elections generally go well for the party thats not in the White House. Case in point: Since 1946, the presidents party has lost, on average, 27 House seats.

What are our initial thoughts? Is the starting assumption that Republicans should have a good year in 2022?

alex : Yes, and heres why: 2022 will be the first federal election after the House map are redrawn. And because Democrats fell short of their 2020 expectations in state legislative races, Republicans have the opportunity to redraw congressional maps that are much more clearly in their favor. On top of that, Republicans are already campaigning on the cost and magnitude of President Bidens policy plans to inspire a backlash from voters.

geoffrey.skelley :Simply put, as that chart above shows, the expectation is that Democrats, as the party in the White House, will lose seats in the House.;

nrakich : What they said!

Gop Sees Biden Crises As Boon For Midterm Recruitment

Republicans are hopeful that a whirlwind of foreign and domestic crises facing the Biden administration will aid their recruitment efforts and convince top-tier candidates to jump into marquee Senate and House races ahead of the 2022 midterms.

The GOP has been pounding President BidenJoe BidenManchin would support spending plan of at most .5T: reportSouth Dakota governor issues executive order restricting access to abortion medicineMORE and congressional Democrats for months on an array of issues, from a surge in attempted border crossings to their COVID-19 response to inflation. But with the mushrooming crisis in Afghanistan grabbing headlines and shocking;the nation, Republicans believe;it is;the middle of a perfect storm that could persuade prominent Republicans to get off the bench and into top-tier midterm contests.

For any Republican wavering on running for office in the midterms, I must say the water looks warm with inflation ablaze, COVID not vanquished and now this Afghanistan crisis, said GOP donor Dan Eberhart.

Republicans were already oozing confidence that they could make gains in the midterms given the historical trend that the party in the White House typically loses seats during the first midterm of a new administration.

But operatives say that the fumbling of the evacuation in Afghanistan, while alarming, makes for a political environment that is all the more favorable for Republicans.

Recommended Reading: Who Is The Speaker Of The House For Republicans

[imaginedilestrade]

Detective Inspecting is an art.

Summary: After years apart from one another, you and Greg reunite. He’s a detective inspector and you’re an acclaimed artist with a secret. But some secrets can’t be painted over…

A/N: OOHHH DRAMA! I hope you guys enjoy and have a great week! 😁

Warnings: none!

Missed the last part? Find it here

————————

Chapter 3

————

You didn’t know what emotions were flowing through you. You couldn’t be angry with him, it was only natural that he progressed with his life. But a part of you was angry, mainly because he had clearly moved on and you hadn’t.

Greg looked down to his ring before looking up to you “Uh…yeah…” He trailed off and you felt your stomach sink.

“Oh,” you sent him a half convincing smile “Congratulations!” You stood up with paint tubes in your arms.

“Wouldn’t congratulate him too early, he’s divorcing.” Sherlock’s words made your heart almost burst with glee, even though you know it was wrong to fell like that.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” you sounded sincere enough for Greg to believe that you did feel sorry for him.

You watched your former lover shrug “I don’t know if we’ll go though with it, this always happens.” You felt that sinking feeling again and could barely string out a sentence.

Sherlock noticed and quickly changed the subject “Where’s our room?”

“Oh right!” You placed down the paint on a table and dusted your hands off “Well I didn’t know their would be three of you because Sherlock barely told me a thing but I have a spare room at the end here,” you led the three to the end of the hall “I’ve got two single beds in it. I’ve also got a sofa bed in the living room so one of you can sleep there!” You turned to the three with a smile.

“I don’t mind taking the sofa bed,” Greg chimed. The other two agreed on the settlement.

“So the bathroom is just there,” you pointed to the door with blue paint splats over it. “My room is just at the side of the living area, the kitchen is connected, obviously, it’s open-planned and this room is just for storage.” You pressed your hand against the door with pink and green paint marks over it “So please don’t go in it…”

John and Greg nodded but Sherlock sent you a knowing look. You tried your best to avoid his gaze and suggested that they got some sleep, you were exhausted so you could only imagine how tired they were feeling. John made his way to the bedroom while Greg made his way to the living and kitchen space.

Before you could walk away, Sherlock grabbed your arm “He doesn’t know, does he?”

Your eyes nervously flickered back and fourth from the door behind you, to Greg, to Sherlock “No,” you shook your head “And I’d appreciate it if it remained that way…” You quietly asked and Sherlock nodded in understanding.

You softly shut your eyes and thanked him before making your way to your room “Goodnight!” You called out to them all and smiled to Greg who was standing in front of you, pulling out the sofa bed.

‘Night Greg’ you mouthed to him and he sent you a half smirk and a 'goodnight’ in return.

You softly shut your room door behind you and let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. You climbed into bed and let out a small groan. This was going to be a long week, especially now Sherlock had brought along Greg. You wondered if he did that on purpose.

—

The next morning you were up bright and early and your flat filled with the loud snores of your three guests. You couldn’t help but smile seeing Greg sprawled out on the sofa bed with the sheets half hanging off and his mouth agape. “Some things never change…” You quietly uttered and put on some coffee.

You heard him tossing and turning before eventually waking up with a loud groan “W-what time is it?” He sleepily asked as you passed him a cup of coffee.

“About seven in the morning,” you whispered and sat on the edge of the sofa bed “Sherlock and John are still sleeping.”

“Thanks,” he breathed in the aromatic steam coming from the coffee cup “I need this.”

You sent him a small smile as an awkward silence enrobed the both of you. You cleared your throat “It’s good to see you,” Greg blinked with surprise “Seeing you made me realise how much I actually missed you!” Greg could hear the nervousness in your laugh. He remembered that laugh. You used it right before telling him you dyed his white football strip pink. He smiled to himself at the memory. “What are you smiling at?”

Greg looked up you you, god he missed that soft, sleepy smile of yours “Just reminiscing…” he trailed off.

“Football strip?” You asked as if you had read his mind. He nodded with a light laugh “I’m still really sorry about that!” You took a sip of your hot coffee.

“Yeah but you made it up to me…” you brought the coffee back up slightly remembering that apology. Your cheeks turned pink and silence filled the room again.

Thankfully Sherlock joined the both of you “Morning, he uttered "Tea Y/N.” You rolled your eyes at his demands.

You stood up with a huff “Just because I was nice enough to let you stay with me doesn’t mean I’m your personal maid…” You walked to the kitchen and made him a cup of tea.

“Oh,” Sherlock hummed “That reminds me, while we’re out today can you do my washing?” You turned to him with a gaping mouth.

Narrowing your eyes your picked up a dishtowel and threw it at him “No! I bloody told you before you came here that I’d be painting and organising my pieces for my art exhibition!” You raised your voice at him.

“It’s just art,” he smirked and you playfully pushed his shoulder.

Greg watched the pair of you almost contently, but mainly still in shock that you and Sherlock were related.

“It’s not just art,” Greg surprised himself at his outburst, making you and Sherlock equally as surprised “What you said,” Greg nervously spoke “It’s not 'just art’ it’s Y/N’s art.”

Your heart swelled with happiness while Sherlock let out a huff “Get ready Gideon, we have some murders to solve.”

When the boys left the apartment it felt incredibly empty so you grabbed your paintbrushes and got to work on some pieces for your exhibition.

When you were halfway though painting when your phone rang. With a sigh you picked it up without checking who was calling “Hello?” You held the phone between your shoulder and ear. It allowed you to continue painting.

“Ah Y/N how are you doing? I suspect my little brother is running you ragged?”

You lightly shut your eyes “He’s Sherlock Holmes what do you expect?” You lightly laughed “How are things with you, Mycroft?”

“Oh you know just occupying a minor position in the British government…” he trailed off and you rolled your eyes at his lies and continued to paint “I know he’s there Y/N.”

You forgot to breathe for a few seconds hearing the change in his tone “He is, everything is under control.”

“Is it?” Mycroft asked and you could mentally picture him raising a suspicious brow at you.

You placed your brush down and ran a hand through your hair “Yes, believe me. I’ve kept it from him this long-”

“But it’s different now,” Mycroft cut you off “He is there with you and living with you.”

“She’s not here, she’s staying with a friend for a sleepover. My friend will have her for a few more days…”

Mycroft remained silent for a moment “You can’t keep this from him. Time catches up to us all.”

Shutting your eyes you chewed your bottom lip “Greg is married, he moved on. I kept this from him so he could have a life and achieve his dreams. I didn’t want to be a hindrance.”

“Very well but I’m warning you now…six years has been far too long to keep it from him.”

“Then how do I tell him?!” You exasperatingly snapped “Because if you know an easier way to approach this I’d love it if you enlightened me!”

“There’s only one way to tell him Y/N, tell him like you’re ripping off a plaster.”

You let out a puff of air, realising that Mycroft was right.

“Tell him in one, painful, emotional breath that I have a daughter…”

————————

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[quietborderlineinfo]

Hi I have a question or want your perspective on something please. So I've seen myself in other people's descriptions of bpd for a long time. My t thinks I might have it. If I have it it's the quiet type. But there's just some things that I can't see fitting? Or understand how they would be "quiet"? And some of the criteria I only experience very rarely or with certain people. 1/?

alright hey stargazer!

i can totally appreciate how much thought and detail you’ve put into this - i remember being in that place, and its so confusing and frustrating and frankly exhausting. breathe; from what youve said it sounds like your T is paying close attention and wants the best for you. over time, you’ll figure out what diagnosis & treatment(s) may work for you. until then, just focus on getting better one step at a time.

keep in mind that below i just discuss how the things you said relate to the diagnostic criteria, but no one here can diagnose you. definitely talk to your T (and if theyre not a psychiatrist, try to talk to one of those if you have access to a good one, since theyre more inclined to diagnose, in my experience)

also remember that you only need 5/9 for a diagnosis - so two people w bpd may have only 1 overlapping symptom. (so if you dont see yourself in everything you read, thats normal)

For instance 1 (frantically avoid abandonment) only w/ 2 relationships I’ve ever had, and these are more feelings than actions I take 2 (pattern unstable intense relationships) I’ve only had one significant relationship in my life and it was very intense and unstable, but I have no history of it but I also have no history of what I would call “close” relationships. I’m mostly avoidant of them) 2/?

1 & 2: saaame. i once asked a T if never letting yourself feel close to people was a form of attempting to avoid abandonment, and was told that it can be, if that’s why you do it. it can be hard to figure out why you do something you may have always done though, so it helps to both try to analyze past experiences and definitely to try to look at your feelings and how they’re motivating you as you go forward.

I’m not sure on the whole feelings vs actions thing; ask your T cause i think there can be a lot of grey area. and for #2, i had the same experience too; everyone who treated me seemed to think that the one relationship was enough evidence, i guess considering that avoidant behaviour. 

3 (id disturbance) I’m not sure exactly how this manifests or is separate from depersonalization. Like I don’t feel real when I try to engage in hobbies. I only exist when I’m doing things with others and then I feel fake and two dimensional (but this is getting a lot better and I’m afraid that means the symptom isn’t real) I’m not sure of my own hobbies and I have no internal motivations or knowledge base to make my own decisions. 3/?

. I can hardly tell right from wrong a lot of the time and use clues from others to help me. And I can change depending on the people I’m around. Is that what this means? This isn’t all things but some things 4 I am not in the slightest impulsive except if you count the impulsive texts I would send to that one intense relationship to make sure she didn’t hate me every few weeks 4/?

3. so depersonalization is a type of dissociation, so that’d fall under criterion 9. symptoms can get better and that absolutely doesn’t mean that you are now or have ever been faking; remission of symptoms with time and/or therapy is actually more likely than not. not knowing right from wrong is interesting cause at first i thought that was entirely unrelated, but realized it could come from not having an internalized moral system, which would definitely sound relevant.

what does fit the description is both not being sure of your hobbies (esp since it sounds like means youre not sure of what you enjoy/care about?), and changing depending on the people you’re around (if you feel like its more of an internal change than say, changing from business-appropriate speech patterns to something more casual when around friends vs at work).

the wiki page describes ID disturbance really well i think, but if you still have questions, definitely send them your T’s/our way.

4. neither am i, and i was still diagnosed. some people seem to think that it’s one criterion that has to be met though. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it is possible that it manifests only very specifically, like w me I’m only impulsive w self-harm or recklessly crossing the street.

5 (self harm) I’ve cut in the past but I can go years without cutting, but the urge to cut will always surface every few weeks whether I act on it or not 6 (affective instability) not sure I understand this. My emotions are so intense that I have a hard time doing anything but engaging in avoidant behaviors. Focusing on school and work is extremely difficult around my thoughts and feelings, Is that what this means? I can change really quickly too based on one thought or one outside occurrence5/?

Hi stargazer anon again. Sorry I’m all over the place with this I just get confused. So missing might be the part that addressed diagnostic criteria #7. basically yes I experience emptiness. I think The end of message 5 is relating to diagnostic criteria #6 (instability of mood) and message 7 is relating to diagnostic criteria #8 (anger). Sorry it’s a mess. But I don’t think there is anything important in the missing piece. I was just going through each symptom and comparing my experience w/ it

5. that certainly counts! (proud of you for keeping it to a minimum, hope you’re working w your T to eliminate it entirely!)

6. “Patients often describe affective instability as an “emotional roller coaster” that relates to a subjective sense of strong affects and emotions experienced in an uncomfortable, rapid sequence.”

what you described sounds intense, and to clarify the changeability i think it can have a lot to do with reacting really strongly to things in the environment/in relationships. you didnt talk too much about the changes, so id say it sounds like this likely fits, but warrants more discussion just to clarify.

7. aight √

But i don’t get angry at people usually. I used to have this pattern of withdrawing from my relationships because I was convinced they didn’t really like me and I wanted to see if they would come talk to me to sort of “test them” but knowing the whole time that I was a horrible person who didn’t deserve their love anyway and if they didn’t really love me then I didn’t deserve it (though have gotten way better at this with therapy). Is that what is meant by the cold shoulder? 7 I think/?

8. see idk, it’s possible that that’s anger for you, but it sounds like you’ll wanna think more about it. i think cold shoulder is more about refusing to engage someone because you are upset at them. to me, what you described sounds more like fear than anger, but only you can know that. idk about other quiet borderlines but for most of my life I’ve had anger far repressed 🤔

9. (for the sake of completion) depersonalization, which you mentioned in part 2, is a kind of dissociation

Sorry for this essay if not ok just ignore and delete. Sorry I’m just having a hard time cause so much of this feels like me but then so many of the hallmarks don’t at all, or only rarely appear. I think I have aVpd too and it makes it hard to know because some symptoms cloud each other. Thanks can please tag stargazer if you do answer it? 8/8 I think it was?

sorry for taking so long to respond! yeah its useful to have a full discussion with a psychiatrist about this especially when multiple disorders are in question. also remember that as much as we may seek the sense of identity labels can give us, you dont need to fit something specific to have valid pain that deserves to be treated and warrants a break from work.

please let us know if you have any follow-up questions. good luck - it’ll get easier with time & work!

[isekaisyouwithmyforearmlaser]

i just read tobys tweet explaining things in deltarune, and here are my thoughts.

spoilers for deltarune

1) deltarune isnt undertale, and it isnt related in anyway (ie. if you did a pacifist route and had a good ending in UNDERTALE, those characters in that universe are still happy.) its neither a prequel, sequel, or reset as many have theorized. its its own thing. it just... is. i like that.

i like the idea that this is just a different scenario/set up for the characters seen thru a new lens, while still staying somewhat true to their character (fishy things, such as alphys hating mew mew 1, seemed to point to a reset of some sort, but shes still the same in that shes nervous a lot and can go into long tangents about her interests.)

this idea makes it easier to make deltarune a separate thing, as toby said later in the tweet that he cant bring you the same feeling you had in undertale, but he will instead give you a new game that will give you new feelings.

but since the story isnt released, i have no idea how far or deep it goes- it seems that chara (now kris) is mostly still chara (still kris) and im happy the story has him as the main character. i think its an interesting contrast from frisk and undertale, much more suspenseful and takes on darker themes. (no im not going to discuss gaster lol)

2. toby seemed to have a lot of reprehension of the games battle system. i thought it was great and fun, the bullet dodging making it active more so than most rpgs, and the idea that blocking creates more TP in battle rather than TP being a distinguishable thing that you deplete and often cant restore until later, this was also a great idea. also the left over TP becomes more money. you cant lose in this scenario.

doing pacifist route (though this phrase itself means just that: not hurting enemies. nothing changes.) i found this to be an extremely fun and useful mechanic when used correctly. for ex (SPOILER) when fighting jevil, where i suck at dodging his bullet patterns cause i havent really figured them out yet, having kris ACT while suzy and ralsei blocked made it so that when they got hurt, i could have ralsei heal them, and could continue playing. it made it very tense too, having to manage and know where your TP percentage is at all times.

i believe that while the battle system could be improved on, (perhaps more interactive ACTS like rearranging block man, or blowing on bunnies. more gear [it was a demo so there will obviously be more], idk. im not a dev im an art major.), it isnt inherently flawed. it is just that: a demo. a thought or concept that can be flushed out more.

i also loved the style of fight sequences, the flashiness of attacking and ACTing, and seeing characters interact with eachother in battle. it really was something i loved and will remember!

3) the in game bullet dodging, outside of battle sequences. this made walking around the world be more than walking around the world. i thought it did a great job at solidifying the concept of the soul/heart, and it was fun maneuvering around them. i love dodging bullets lol. i can see this becoming a big part of the game.

4) Puzzles. toby admitted that some things were lack luster compared to others, but i wouldnt necessarily say that grandeur = to value of its function. puzzles and their concepts repeated themselves, such as the symbol puzzle and button puzzles. the one exception being the eye puzzle. i thing that while these were simple, i had fun going through them. sure, they were easy (for the most part, getting the key was a pain in the ass 4 me cause i kept fucking up the door order). all in all, the puzzles were fun, but not an focal point in the game (Demo, btw.) im sure that when toby does bring puzzles into the next chapters, they'll play a bigger role. that brings me to

3.5) i added this after cause i remembered it but didnt want to change all the numbers cause lazy .... so.

NO multiple endings

this makes sense as it would take a long time to create multiple endings given everything else thats on the plate this time. im not disappointed or sad, i simply understand. it IS a different game, and i think it will be important to the lore (your choices dont matter).

also, like toby said, most games are already like this. i welcome it.

4) the development for the next chapters.

Toby making a game as great as undertale (i never played it but watched a walkthrough, an understood the plot as most of my friends loved it) by himself for the most part, with help from Temmie (of course!) and as well as help with the art, its an incredible feat. no wonder the whole theme of the game was determination. that being said, deltarune is an incredibly ambitious game, even more so than undertale, and it seems that hes had it in the vaults of his mind for a long time. maybe even before undertale.

it makes sense that a game of this scope will take much longer to create. with a much more complicated party system, battle system, increase in pixel art quality, more dynamic fight sequences and UI as well as like, a thousand things im forgetting, its a fucking miracle he had the determination to create and finish that. (if only i could start having that much motivation sadface).

i look forward to what he has in store for us, and i will be patient until then, considering these things take time, and toby is a human, depsite what people believe. many do have high expectations of him, but i think so long as he remembers this is about him giving his ideas and stories to the world, he'll be okay (hopefully).

5) the team

im not sure how, when, what, or uh whomst it will be obviously. point 7 was really funny. i think that toby wont have a hard time finding people wanting to work with him and on the team, but i think it will be difficult to find people who are motivated and determined enough.

6) last thoughts

i think that the world with darkeners being seperate from kris' real world is a very interesting and cool thing! it makes you wonder if its real or not. i think this will make future chapters SUPER interesting, seeing if actions in the darkener world change things in the lightener world? how it will play into the plot in the lightener world will be interesting.

also, asriel is alive in this game. hes in university, so hes an adult. im scared that something bad will happen to him and kris in the future. but also, theyre both alive! yay! i wonder if we'll see of hear about frisk again, either way i love it.

and last, the ending. what can i say? its like, really vague. i think the contrast between asriel and kris will be a big conflict in this game- asriels side of the room being filled with trophies and personal items, while kris' is empty excluding the mysterious birdcage. people in town bringing up and talking about their wonderful memories with asriel in the past, but im not sure if this is relevant or just toby letting us get more of an idea of his role. all in all he seems very loved and popular, while kris is... something else. i dont know what yet. i hope he gets a happy ending though.

and he seems like he was possessed, or not wholly himself at the end. his snappy walk and dragging himself was very unlike what we've seen throughout the game. i dont know what this means, if its more like his true nature or something else. did he know about his soul/heart before the events of the game? does he do this often, as at the beginning the desription of the birdcage and wagon depicted itcas heavily used? why the hell does he have a whole ass knife? he gonna kill someone?

also i think kris is in early highschool/late middleschool as his classmates seem to be working around town. i dont know what the work age there is tho. el oh el

all in all, i really wish him luck, i was SUPER, ULTRA satisfied with deltarune chap 1, and i cant wait to see what happens in the future. also, i loved the music