#it makes erik look bad it makes meg look bad it makes christine look--eh okay i guess

[bonesandpoemsandflowers]

if instead of a revival in a few years we get love never dies, I’m gonna fucking riot.

[darealbellabelleoftheball]

A Child for Christmas

This is my Contest submission for @notaghost3 ‘s 5th annual POTO Holiday One shot challenge.

It was inspired by @hop3isaprison ‘s art. And was edited by the lovely @obesessedwbeautiesandbeasts . Thank you both and I hope you all enjoy.

                                                        ~~~

Her white heels clacked a sharp staccato beat against the pavement. Her breaths coming in little shivering gasps. Though she knew he had been told not to follow her, she worried he might go against what his parents said.

Her hands held her skirts while she ran. She didn’t know where she was running to at first.

It was not like she could go back to the opera. That’s the first place he would check.

But she had not been in Paris long enough to know where to go. She needed someone to talk to...

She stopped suddenly. 

A dangerous plan had formed.

She resumed her pace, steps more sure, as the snow gently fell around her. She shivered wishing she had thought to grab a wrap before leaving the church. 

Her bare arms were freezing. If only she had thought to buy a long sleeved wedding dress!

Then again, she didn't think she’d be running from her groom when she woke up this morning.

Hell, she thought the nausea was just pre-wedding jitters. Until about two hours before the ceremony, when she lost her breakfast.

                                                      ~~~

“Christine? Are you alright?” Meg’s timid voice reached where Christine sat on the tile floor of the little bathroom.

Christine groaned, “Meg are you alone?”

“Yes.”

There was a sound as the door unlocked.Meg opened the door to a sobbing Christine, in a pool of her own white wedding gown. Christine sniffled forlornly.

“Are you okay? Did you eat something bad?” Meg asked gently.

 “No... Meg I did something bad.”

Meg closed the door and locked it, crouching down to get a better look at her friend.

“What did you do?”

“I.... I did... Erik.”

Meg blanched and slid down the wall to join her friend on the floor.

She was silent for a few moments before exclaiming, “Erik, crazy Erik? Your stalker?”

“He’s not crazy! He was just lonely.” Christine replied defensively. 

Meg nodded, slowly. 

“So you... slept with Erik?”

Christine hugged herself and sniffled loudly.

“You slept with Erik...and now you’re throwing up.Wait! Wasn’t that whole business at the opera about six weeks ago?”

Christine's bright blue eyes were full of tears, “I missed my cycle Meg.”

“You... Shit... Okay. I’ll get mum to stall without going into detail.”

Christine chuckled lightly. “Meg it’s your mother.”

“Right...”

She ripped the sleeve off Christine’s dress.

“Critical dress emergency!” Meg exclaimed before leaning forward, and kissing Christine on the forehead, “Stay here, open the door for no-one and I’ll be back with a test.”

Twenty minutes later as Christine sat in the dark, locked room crying softly. A soft knock made her jump.

“I’m back, let me in.”

Christine opened the door and pulled Meg into a hug. “Oh meg!”

Meg patted her back, and smiled, “You’re going to be fine, this might not even be what you think it is, but if it is, I support you no matter what happens, okay? I’m not going anywhere. Now, do you want me to wait outside or stay in here with you?”

“Stay, please! I need the moral support.”

Twelve minutes later the two women stared at the little device in Christine’s trembling hands.

“Dear lord.” Christine groaned, her face pale.

 “Congratulations.” Meg smiled lightly.

“Heavens above what am I going to do?!”

“Do you love him Christine?”

“Who? Raoul? Of course I love him. He’s my best friend. I mean, he has been acting off lately, but I bet that will change after we get married.” Christine smiled, but Meg could tell it was fake.

“That’s all well and good, but I was talking about Erik.”

“Erik...” Christine blushed, thinking back to their first kiss. 

“Pity, Love, How can one tell the difference?”

That haunted face flashed back into her mind, the ferocity of that man, the tenderness...

Christine took in a shuddering breath, and placed one hand on her stomach, “It’s different with him than with Raoul.”

Meg nodded in understanding.

“Raoul is safer.”

“Exactly. Less... volatile.”

It was certainly the truth. After the incident at the Opera, Raoul had withdrawn himself. There was now hardly a spark left between them. Merely a sense of duty. As Raoul had given her his word.

His parents were none too happy about that. 

“Well, I think you should tell him.” Meg spoke softly, bringing Christine out of her thoughts.

Christine nodded, “Yes. I suppose that would be the right thing to do. We’ll have to postpone the wedding.”

“If he even still wants to marry you.”

Christine blinked in shock.

Meg sucked some air in through her teeth. “Sorry that wasn’t helpful.”

                                                    ~~~

Christine shivered as she came nearer to the little brownstone townhouse.

And as she reached the familiar door, she rose to knock on it, but hesitated. 

Could she handle being twice rejected in one day?

Gathering her courage she knocked.

“One minute!” A familiar voice called.

“Yes how may I hel-” The Daroga blinked at her. “Christine?!”

“Hello Daroga.”

“You should not be here... especially not today... Not on the day of your wedding...” 

It was then that he seemed to put the pieces together. Glancing at the streaks of mascara-tears that fell down her face. 

“What’s wrong?” He whispered, almost afraid that his voice would carry up the stairs to the man who had locked himself in his room. 

“I- I’m pregnant,” Christine found she could not meet the man’s warm green eyes.

“Then you really should not be here...” The Daroga looked over his shoulder and up the stairs.

Christine let out a disgruntled sigh, “The child is not Raoul's.”

Nadir frowned, 

“Then who...” His eyes nearly bulged out of his head. “Oh I see! Come in. I’ll fetch him for you. ERIK!”

Christine Jumped.

“What do you want you great booby?!”

Nadir smiled through grit teeth, “One moment please mademoiselle.” 

He scampered up the stairs as Christine awkwardly shut the door behind her.

The warmth of the house met her chilled skin and she shivered again, not of cold. But of fright.

 If Erik reacted like Raoul...

                                                    ~~~

“Christine! I’m not supposed to see you before the wedding. It’s bad luck.” Raoul smiled tightly.

Christine took in a shuddering breath, “I’m afraid my dear that it’s too late to change our luck...”

“Is something wrong?” He frowned.

She nodded, and did not meet his eyes when she announced, “I’m pregnant.”

Raoul frowned, 

“But... We haven't...” 

He blushed,. “How... how far along are you?”

“It’s Erik’s...” She answered the question he dare not ask.

Raoul’s stance changed. He paced the room like a caged tiger. 

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure! How many people do you think I’ve slept with!?” She hissed.

“Well, I certainly don’t know now do I?!” 

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sat down on a couch. 

“I’ll marry you. We can pretend the child is ours. I won’t let you go through this alone. Or... Well, there is another option.”

“What?” She frowned, something in her gut telling her this would not be a pleasing answer.

“Abortion.”

“I’m not getting rid of my baby!” Christine gasped.

“You’re forgetting that it’s that monster’s baby too!” Raoul snapped. “Besides, don't look at it that way. This is our chance, to wipe the slate clean.”

“Monster?”

Raoul merely glared.

“If the child is a monster what does that make me?”

“You went to him, willingly?”

Indignation caused a flush across her skin.

“And what if I did?”

He looked her up and down in disgust.

“Alright, if that’s how you really feel, then I won’t force you to marry me.”

“Christine...”

“No, Consider me no longer your problem.” 

“I can’t do that, ” he replied, grabbing her arm hard enough to leave a bruise.

“Enough, you can’t always be my white knight Raoul. Let me go! ”

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m going home.” Christine sniffled

.

“No. You are already a part of this family. You cannot leave with all the reporters here... just stay here I need to talk to Philippe. Perhaps you will see reason when I return.” He growled, storming past her.

“Raoul!” Christine shouted. 

But the door closed between them and Raoul locked her in.

“No... No. No!!!” Christine exclaimed. 

“Let me out Raoul! This isn’t funny! RAOUL!!!”

 She slapped the door with her hands and tried to knock it down with her shoulder, but only succeeded in giving herself a bruise.

Finally as her panic grew, she spotted the window. 

She threw up the sash and let the cool winter air caress her skin. As her panic died down she noticed the tree.

“No way in hell I’m sticking around here.” 

She placed a hand on her stomach, “We’re not staying where both of us aren’t wanted.”

And with that, Christine climbed down the tree and began to run.

                                                      ~~~

Erik’s eerie yellow eyes glared at the Daroga from the darkness of his room.

“What the Devil do you want Nadir?” he hissed.

“There’s a young lady here to see you.”

“What???” Erik exclaimed.

 Christine froze in terror as she heard her angel’s voice.

There was a sound of a scuffle and soon a very ragged looking Erik arrived at the top of the steps. 

“Christine?” he breathed, every inch as starstruck as when he had first met her.

“Hey Erik, ” she whispered.

Her blonde hair hung in ringlets, framing her angelic face. The white gown only made her glow further.

He was down the stairs in an instant, but caught himself from touching her.

“Is this real?”

“Yes.”

She took him in, he had barely changed, besides the fact that he was not wearing a suit. Instead he wore just a simple white dress shirt, though for some strange reason he still wore his cloak. His mask showed his thin macabre lips, and Christine blushed as a fire stirred in her stomach. 

He took in a deep breath and pulled himself up to his full height. Like a wounded animal trying to appear threatening.

He cleared his throat, eyes like storm clouds. 

“Why have you come here?” his voice thundered. 

“I’m pregnant,” she replied, in a tone more confident than she felt.

“Congratulations... So you’re here to torture me further?” he snapped. 

“I beg your pardon?” she gasped.

“Your little man must be very happy. So why are you here with me and not him, eh?” he fairly snarled.

“You know for a genius you really are intolerably stupid!” Christine replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

He growled in response.

“Erik the baby is not Raoul's.”

“What?” Erik frowned, deflating a bit.

“It’s our baby.”

Erik froze. Statuesque. 

“How.... is this possible?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure you were there Erik...” Christine sassed. 

“I’m gunna go make that tea...” Nadir muttered leaving them in the parlor.

“Should we have a seat Erik?”

He nodded mutely as Christine led him to a love seat in the parlor. 

“I just found out today.” She admitted.

 Erik slowly seemed to be coming to his senses. “Are you sure, it’s not his?”

“It’s not his, you were the only one... I... Well, you know.”

“Oh...” He crossed a leg over his knee, and puffed up like a bird displaying plumage. 

“I just found out this morning, I was pretty shocked myself.”

Erik nodded again. 

Ayesha walked into the room and hissed at Christine.

 Erik shushed her, and the cat climbed up possessively onto his lap.

“Your wedding was this morning,” Erik remarked, absently stroking the cat.

“Yes, I just came from the church.”

“Well that explains the dress.” he replied.

“Raoul knows.”

That caught his attention.

“Oh? And how did that go?” he leaned closer to Christine and the air was electric around them.

“He got angry...”

A smile crept up Erik’s face.

 “He locked me in the room and went to get his brother. I climbed down a tree, and... well here I am.” 

Erik’s face fell and his hands clenched into fists.

“Bastard,” he muttered.

 “Erik...” Christine whispered.

He looked back up to her with a bright smile, “Yes?”

“I want to let you know I don't expect anything, but I’ve decided to keep the baby. I just thought you had the right to know. I’m sorry I didn’t know where else to go.”

“You’re always welcome here my dear. I... uh, this is a lot to process.” Erik shook his head. 

“Of course we’re keeping the baby... why wouldn't we?”

Christine burst into tears again. Erik gathered her into his arms as she cried. Nadir walked into the room. He set his tea tray down on the coffee table.

“The de Cagney's probably don't want a scandal, did they say something to you Christine?” Nadir asked gently. 

She nodded into Erik’s chest.

 “Raoul suggested... abortion.”

“I’ll kill him.” Erik announced.

“Erik, no!” Nadir and Christine chorused. 

“I just need... Some support. I understand this is a lot, but they’re probably out searching for me now, and Meg was supposed to meet up with me...” Christine took a shaky breath. 

“If it’s support you want, you got it,” Erik nodded firmly.

“Yes, we’re here for you Christine,” Nadir acquiesced. 

Christine and Erik suddenly jolted apart as Christine’s mobile went off.

Ayesha bolted from the room.

*~Nina pretty ballerina who could ever think she could be this way?~*

“Meg?”

“I’m so glad you have your cell on you. The whole church is topsy-turvy looking for you right now. Care to fill me in?”

“I’m at Nadir’s place.”

“Oh. Oh, is Erik there?” 

“Yes. I’ll text you the address.” 

“Oh crap! Tine I have to go. I’ll be right there. I have your location.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I think I’m being followed.”

“Damn!”

“Hide!”

*~Beep~*

“What’s wrong?”

“Meg is on her way, but I think the de Chagney’s are not far behind.”

“I know what to do,” Erik announced.

                                                    ~~~

Christine, Erik, and the Daroga stared into the closet.

“Erik,” the Daroga remarked, “Is there any particular reason you have a false back to your wardrobe?”

“Now’s not the time Nadir,” Erik reprimanded.

Nadir sighed and turned to Christine, “We’ll be right back. Just sit tight.”

Erik extended his hand to help Christine into the dark wardrobe.

There was the familiar jolt of electricity between them just as Erik went to shut her in. She grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him in for a quick kiss.

Nadir blushed as Christine made Erik swear on his music that he would not harm Raoul.

“Yes, I promise Mon Ange.” Erik blushed.

                                                     ~~~

Meanwhile, Meg pulled up to the house in her sporty white convertible. The Sleek black car pulling up behind her. 

Meg hopped out of the car and with the grace and speed granted to her by her art, was able to evade the people who followed behind her. 

She raised her hand, but before she could knock on the door was pulled inside by Nadir, quickly shutting the door behind him.

“Mademoiselle Giry,” he purred.

Meg blushed, “Monsieur Khan.”

He smiled slightly at the petite blonde, “I see you brought company.”

“Yup nothing like the de Chagney's to liven up a party.”

A predatory growl issued from the stairs, where Erik blocked the way.

“Hello Erik.” Meg squeaked.

He nodded coolly.

 Meg jumped again, still in Nadir’s arms as a pounding sounded on the door.

“Let me in! I demand to see my bride!” Raoul exclaimed.

 “You’re not in a position to demand anything right now!” Erik shouted back. 

“Erik,” said the Daroga, a man who had dealt with such things far too often for his liking.  “Go to the living room and sit the hell down.”

Nadir gestured to the living room with a meaningful glance at Meg.

Erik huffed in annoyance, knuckles clenched and white as he led Meg to the parlor.

A fake Christmas tree sat unassembled on the floor. 

“So. you and Christine, huh?” Meg asked awkwardly, sitting down in a chair near the fire. 

Erik’s ears turned red.

                                                         ~~~

Meanwhile at the door.

“Let me in!” Raoul hissed.

“Raoul, you know you can’t be here right now.”

“I know she’s here!”

“Who?” Nadir asked.

Raoul beat his fist on the door and shouted through it, “You know damn well who!”

The Daroga opened the first door leaving the screen door shut.

“Miss Daae?” he asked boredly.

“Yes!” Raoul puffed like a walrus. His mustache moving with the air expelled from his nose. “Don’t play coy. I know she’s here, why else would Meg Giry come here?”

There was a pause.

.

Nadir arched a brow at Raoul, “Mademoiselle Giry is here to see me monsieur, not that it’s any of your business.”

Meg’s pretty brown skin flushed, and despite the situation Erik had to bite back a chuckle.

“Here to see you?” Raoul frowned. 

“Well don’t look so shocked!” Nadir sounded genuinely upset.

Erik raised up a hand to cover his masked mouth. 

“What? You think that just because I’m older than you, women don’t find me attractive?!”

“That’s not what I-”

“Oh I SEE! So it’s because of my race?! You have a problem with mixed race couples? This isn’t the 1800s anymore, MONSIEUR!”

“I beg your pardon!” the Viscount exclaimed. 

Erik was doubled over in his chair now.

“But if you really need to see proof sir... Meg, darling?” Nadir called into the living-room.

“Yes!” Meg exclaimed, pulling herself together enough to play her part. 

“Come here please.”

“What is it, love?” Meg asked, walking into the parlor. 

“Meg, are you really with Nadir?”

She linked her arm with Nadir’s and frowned disapprovingly at Raoul.

“That’s certainly none of your business.“

“Well, then have you seen Christine?” Raoul asked.

“No, I haven't seen her, In fact, I came over here to talk to Nadir about it... I just...” 

At that moment the sound of a woman crying reached Erik’s ears.

“Meg are you okay?” Raoul asked.

 “Where could she be? I checked the Opera house, I checked nearly everywhere at the venue. The only place I could think of her going would be her father’s grave. Or maybe she left the country, but I don’t understand, why would she leave you at the altar?!”

At this moment Erik could bear it no longer, he had to see Raoul’s face.

 He got up and strolled to the foyer, fixing his hair and straightening his suit on the way. 

“And just what is all this fuss about?”

The fire in Raoul’s eyes nearly made him break into a smile.

“Erik,” the Viscount growled.

“Bonsoir, monsieur. How may I help you?~” Erik smirked.

“You crazy son of a-”

“Hey now!” Nadir exclaimed.

Meg scurried back into the living room as The Daroga held Raoul back. 

“Should you not be with your wife right now?” Erik growled, with a venom that shocked Raoul.

“Perhaps,” the Viscount thought, “She really wasn’t here.”

“Yes, I should. Bon Nuit,” With a cold nod, he spun on his heel and left.

Meg, Nadir and Erik, Crowded around the window as they watched the de Chagney clan drive off in defeat.

“Where is she?” Meg demanded.

                                                          ~~~

Christine was shaking when they opened the false back to let her out. 

Tears streamed down her face.

“Meg!”

“Tine!” 

The two women embraced as the Daroga morphed into mum mode.

“When is the last time any of you have eaten?”

“This morning,” the girls chorused.

Erik grunted noncommittally. 

“Alright I’ll order pizza.” Nadir replied.

The group trouped down the stairs, and as Nadir went to order, the others went into the parlor. 

Erik drew the curtains closed as the light from the sun had already faded anyways, and flicked on a light switch as the girls sat down on the couch.

Erik frowned at the tree and started to swiftly assemble it.

The girls spoke to each other softly. 

“So were you ever planning on telling me?” Meg asked, as they watched Erik’s confident movements.

 “What?” Christine asked.

“Were you planning on telling me that you and Erik got together?” Meg asked, 

Christine could tell she was a bit hurt.

“I’m sorry, Meg. Not really, I just... I was confused. I didn't know what to do. And after Raoul and I started courting, well, it didn't take long for me to find out that he was no longer the boy I fell in love with. He started being belligerent. Seeing other women. Drinking,” Christine sighed.

“Of course I’m not saying I’m faultless. But... I’ve always known what I was, and where I stood with Erik.” 

The girls  both glanced at Erik, who had wound the Christmas lights into a noose, quite subconsciously. 

“That’s one of the things I love most about you, Erik,” Christine remarked. 

His head turned, and his golden eyes snapped to hers.

“No games,” she clarified.

He nodded, “No more games.” 

He set the festive noose down on the ground and rushed out of the room and up the stairs. Taking them two at a time.

Meg frowned in confusion at Christine. Christine shrugged with a little giggle.

“He’s an odd duck...Though his friend is quite handsome...”

Christine gasped as she looked towards the kitchen where Nadir could be heard talking on the Phone. 

“Megan!” she exclaimed with a playful swat at the ballerina’s arm.

“What?!” Meg replied.

There was a rhythmic thudding, much like the sound of a heartbeat, as Erik moved down the stairs.

The girls looked up at Erik in shock, but before they could ask what he was doing, he had already knelt in front of Christine. 

“I want to do right by you and our child. I swear that I’ll never leave you. You are my home, Mon Ange . My offer from all those weeks ago still stands.” With that he pulled the ring box out of his pocket. 

“Will you consent to being my living bride?”

Christine gasped as he continued. 

“I may not be the best father, but I promise that I will strive towards that goal. I’ll never stop learning what I can to help you raise this child, and I have no doubt that with you as it’s mother, and the help of our friends this child will be fine.”

Erik opened his mouth to say more, but Christine smiled and took his trembling hands in hers 

She blinked back tears.

“Yes. I’ll marry you.”

Such joy Erik had never felt before. His heart nearly burst.

 Meg and Nadir clapped, as Erik slid the ring on her finger and she pulled him towards her, taking off his mask, turning him away and pulling him into a long kiss. 

The happy group finished decorating the tree, and many celebrations were had.

Christine with the help of the Daroga, got a restraining order against Raoul, who ended up being convinced by his family to give up on Christine, and married a countess to extend their fortunes. 

But what seemed like only a few short months later, a child was born. He was named Gustave, after Christine’s deceased father. As he grew so did his musical genius, much to the great joy and contentment of his father.

Erik soon took to not wearing his mask around the house. Nadir and Meg, and their children really didn’t mind. Christine and Gustave certainly didn’t.

So you see they all lived quite happily. Except of course for Raoul, Whom, Erik was very confident, got his just desserts. 

                                                     The End.

Thank you all for your time!

[ancientphantom]

Working on brushing up old reviews has inspired me to provide these for everyone playing along at home: Bad Phantom Adaptation Bingo!

Categories are behind the cut. I suggest drinking, especially if played with friends.

Angry Mob: Bonus points if it’s somewhere that it absolutely does not make sense for an angry mob to form.

Anti-Romani Racism: Use of the G-slur and any plot involving Romani people being evil, abusive, magical, or otherwise stereotyped all the way to hell.

Carlotta’s Career: Bad Singer: Somehow Carlotta is a highly sought after professional opera singer, yet also simultaneously super bad at singing.

Christine and Raoul Have a Loveless Marriage: Yes, they got married, but it was the wrong choice and they hate it, okay?

Christine is Evil: And that’s why she hurt Erik’s poor feelings and we hate her.

Eh, Just Kill Raoul Off: He can’t interfere in your ship if he’s dead.

Erik Dates a Blind Woman: I mean, who else?

Erik Finds Religion: Converting (usually to Christianity) will solve his problems!

Erik Has Manly Pets: Thundering stallions, menacing hounds, hordes of rats.

Erik is Rich/Noble/Fancy: He’s a count, or a lord, or a prince, or he has five million dollars, or he’s a literal angel...

Erik Learned Nothing from Last Time: Erik forgot instantly about that whole learning and gaining redemption thing and is plotting to do exactly what he was doing the entire time... all over again.

Erik Loves Animals: Erik cares for or is able to instantly bond with animals so you can tell he’s a Good Person on the inside.

Erik Wrote the ALW Musical: Because who else could have written the most amazing musical ever committed to paper?

Erik the Virgin Sexmaster: Erik has never had sex before, but he’s mind-blowingly good at it and everyone has fifteen orgasms.

Erik’s Genius Musical Spawn: Erik has children and they’re just as Special as he is.

Everyone Lives at the Theater: Instead of, you know, in their homes.

Evil Persian People: Foreign people are antagonistic and dangerous, especially those scary brown ones.

Freud Called, Erik’s Dating His Mom Again: Christine looks uncannily like Erik’s mother, and/or he obviously uses his love interest as a replacement/proxy for his mother.

Have You Heard About Erik’s Tragic Childhood?: Recap the whole thing, as luridly as possible, and explain why it means it’s okay for him to be an asshole.

Hilarious Names: Characters are named variations on Angel, musical terms, or completely made up names that don’t exist in reality.

Hottie Phantom: Erik is just lusciously physically hot and everyone wants him. It’s science.

It’s Not Pedophilia If It’s Romantic: No, no, it’s okay if Christine/some other lady is a child/teenager and Erik is an adult. He loves her and he might wait until the day she’s legal, so that makes it okay!

Mask That Makes You Handsome: Erik creates a mask that makes him an undetectable gorgeous male model when worn.

Meg, For No Reason: Look, she’s in the ALW musical so she’s going to show up at least once if it kills us.

Nurse Poor Wounded Erik: Erik gets hurt or falls ill so a loving woman can lovingly nurse him back to health.

Orphan Alert: Erik and/or other characters adopt orphans to show how good and charitable they are.

Random French Words: It’s important to sometimes say oui, monsieur in your text so people don’t forget this is set in France.

Random Muggers: Sometimes you need random muggers so people can be rescued from them. That’s life.

Random Orientalism: Making things sound exotic and fancy by invoking places in Asia or Africa (usually Persia and India, but somehow everywhere in the world is fair game).

Raoul is Abusive: Just give him a personality transplant and then no one has to worry about whether or not Christine likes him.

Rape Threat: Someone’s Virtue is Threatened, often by random antagonists (or Raoul).

Reincarnation: People come back for another round and usually make exactly the same mistakes.

Romance with Thinly-Disguised Self-Insert: Author writes an obvious personal fantasy of their avatar dating Erik and helping him recover from Christine’s cruel rejection.

Secret Erik/Christine Sex: Either they did it during the original story and you just didn’t notice, or they’re doing it right now and Raoul doesn’t.

Secret Wedding!: Christine and Erik actually got married! Or maybe someone else and Erik. It’s very hush-hush. Priests are rarely even invited.

Sexy Madame Giry: It’s important that those side characters all get sexy romance, too.

Smug Smirks of Smugness: Erik smirks so you know he’s powerful yet playful.

Stalking is Sexy: The ladies LOVE it when Erik creepily lurks just out of sight everywhere they go.

This Book Brought to You By Absolutely No Editors: From the run-on sentences to the rampant commas to the wild homophone abuse, reading this hurts your eyes and your brain.

Those Were Accidents, Not Murders!: Erik didn’t really murder anyone, they just blundered into his traps/accidentally fell into his noose/forced him to fight back in self-defense/didn’t really die.

Time to Punish Christine!: Christine was very bad to break Erik’s heart and that’s why this book is now going to abuse, murder, assault, or in some other way ruin her life.

Time Travel!: How else is your modern-day character going to get to romance the Phantom?

Vampire Phantom: Erik does not drink... wine.

Wait, Christine Changed Her Mind!: Actually, she didn’t mean it when she said she wanted to go home with Raoul so she’s coming right back now.

WHAT Daroga?: When the Persian is forgotten yet again.

WHAT Deformity?: Actually, Erik isn’t ugly at all, or he’s barely ugly and everyone can reassure him that actually they love him.

What Even is French Nobility?: No one knows what Raoul’s title is or how it works.

Whorephobia: Disdain for and mistreatment of sex workers, usually to show how “pure” or “good” the other characters are.

Women: For Healing Erik’s Soul: Female characters are solely here to heal Erik’s suffering and reward his pain. What do you mean, “goals” and “feelings”?

Zero Classical Music Knowledge: Obvious lack of elementary understanding of opera, composition, or like... what words mean.