#it made perfect sense to child me and it still holds up for adult me

[aphrodisiac-siren]

Home~ Neteyam x Metkayina!reader

Summary: Leaving behind everything he knew was hard for Neteyam and then adapting to the ways of the new clan was even harder. He'd push himself, overwork and exhaust himself even, to live upto his family's expectations; never really giving his own wants a second thought. That's why Y/N was the prefect companion for him, someone who kept things in his life balanced, who made sure to let him know that what he wanted was just as important, perhaps even more so, than what everyone else wanted of him.

//slow burn, Neteyam just denying his own feelings//

masterlist, Part 5

Part 4

🫧

It had been a good amount of time since eclipse.

The fishermen and hunters had retired for the day and the homemakers had only just put their food above the fires to prepare a nice warm dinner. The younger children were done with their lessons and were headed home, eagerly looking forward to a delicious meal followed by some much needed sleep.

But then they saw the warriors hurriedly mount their banshees and head out with panicked urgency. Not a moment later and Tonowari’s own children joined them to patrol the waters around the reef. The sudden and rare search party caused an eruption of speculative whispers amidst the villagers, each one trying their best to decipher what was going on.

Betwixt all the chaos, Y/N exhaled a sigh of relief when she spotted Lo'ak swimming toward her, calling out her name in response to her calling out his.

“I’m here Y/N” he waived his arm at her as she closed the distance between them whilst siting atop her ilu.

“I got you” she held out her arm for him to take, pulling the heavier boy to sit behind her before she turned around, yelling out to the other Na’vi who were just as eagerly looking for him “I’ve found him, he’s okay!”

A stream of yips and relieved sighs were passed around as everyone headed back, thankful to Ewya that the kid was returned to them unharmed.

“I’m sorry about my brother” Y/N immediately said once Lo’ak was well seated behind her, legs dangling lazily in the water as they followed the other people back to the village.

“I’m sorry about mine too” Lo’ak responded, referring to the exchange his brother had with her earlier that day “he’s not usually like this”

“Don’t worry about-“

“No really,” he continued nonetheless, still not done with his apology on behalf of his brother. Lo’ak never imagined in all his years that he’d one day find himself apologising for how his perfect older brother acted “he was rude and what he said, it-it was not okay. I’m sure he didn’t mean any of it. Don’t take it to heart and hold anything against him, or at least against me because of it”

Y/N held back a giggle. As sweet as it was that he was trying to be an adult and say sorry for the comments Neteyam made, it was almost adorable how he couldn’t conceal his child-like desire for her to keep her animosity toward his brother on one side and away from him. In simpler words, he was trying to get her to continue being friends with him.

“I’m not mad anymore Lo’ak” she assured the boy with a genuine smile, patting his knee in a friendly way “not at Neteyam, and definitely not at you”

“Friends again?” He sheepishly asked and Y/N found it almost too difficult not to turn around and adoringly pinch his cheeks with an ‘aww’ but she kept her cool. Just like Aonung, she could tell that Lo’ak definitely did not like to be fawned over.

“Friends again” she warmly told the boy before clicked her tongue at the ilu, prompting him to stop.

Both her father and mother awaited them, standing at the front of the crowed gathered to have a look at the lost and found forest boy.

Y/N’s eyes found Aonung’s and she could tell he was relieved that Lo’ak was fine. She knew he’d messed up by doing something as stupid as going beyond the reef by himself and then made things even worse by taking the new boy out there too and leaving him.

As if they shared some sibling-telepathic connection, she could also sense how horrible he felt. It was true that he’d managed to publicly embarrass himself, knowing well that the gossip regarding how the chie’s son caused such mayhem would last for a good amount of time before it was forgotten; but what really stuck out in that moment was the extremely evident remorse in his eyes.

Aonung was born into an almost royal-like environment, being treated like an image of utmost importance from a very young age. He was well know and well respected in his clan and he liked the power and authority he held. But after days and days of bullying the Sullys, it would seem like he all of a sudden didn’t like this higher rank. His first major screw up drew all this attention to him, the negative kind. He was well aware that he’d used his prestigious title of being the next Olo'eyktan in the most irresponsible way, by throwing his weight around and this time he’d feared it cost Lo’ak his life. Aonung would admit, he didn’t like the new kids but that certainly didn’t mean he wanted them to die, much less because of him.

“He’s fine, yeah?” He whispered to his sister once she’d stood next to him, standing his ground even when he saw Lo’ak angrily advancing toward him with balled fists. This time if he’d get punched, he wouldn’t have the nerve to hit him back.

But Jake saved him from further humiliation, pulling his son toward him to inspect him for any injuries and then announced that he was alright, giving Aonung another wave of relief.

“Excuse me, sorry I just- Hi”

Neteyam pushed past the others, swimming through the crowd to get a look at his brother. He only stopped when his eyes landed on Lo’ak, who was currently being scolded by his mother. He’d only realised until a few moments later that he halted right next to where Y/N was standing.

“Found him” the girl simply said, looking up at Neteyam. She saw him visibly relax his shoulders and slow his breathing, also at relief just like the rest of them.

“Yes, I can see” he smiled, nudging her arm gently with his “thank-you”

He wanted all of his attention to be focused on his brother, considering how tensed he was during the search but now that he’d seen him in person, fully assured that he was fine, his mind only kept wandering to the Na’vi girl beside him.

She thinks I’m pretty?

Neteyam didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, especially not to one as major as her finding him attractive, even though he was fully aware that he wasn’t so bad to look at. He was never really the type to seek any validation regarding his looks from girls, nor was he the type to overthink it if any girl did flirt with him. Though calling Y/N’s previously mentioned endearment ‘flirting’ would be a stretch.

She couldn’t have been, obviously not.

She was mad at him, furious even just hours ago. He highly doubted that a simple ride on his ikran would all of a sudden magically make everything okay. Yes, she was no longer upset but the wound was fresh and things wouldn’t go back to normal overnight. Which is why it just sounded absurd that she would indirectly attempt to tell him that she was into him.

Which then led to another foreign thought that crossed his mind. If she didn’t particularly mean to tell him that he’s pretty, he at the very least hoped that she thought of him as such. He felt like a little boy, hoping to impress his dad with how efficiently he caught fish.

It’s not a crush, he thought to himself. There was absolutely no way that Neteyam would ever succumb to such silly things. Getting giddy after tender touches, heart skipping beats, anxious around the other person- it sounded more like a health hazard rather than something cute.

So then why did he all of a sudden care if she found him pretty?

His thoughts began to fade away just like how the crowd did after being dismissed, no longer too keen on sticking around anyway now that Lo’ak was found. And he too, just like them, didn’t feel the need to stay there any longer.

He weaved through the crowed, eyes never losing sight of Y/N as he patiently made his way toward her. Their previous time together had been cut short and now that everything was okay, he wanted to continue with their walk around the beach.

His plan to do so was immediately soiled when he heard his father’s strict voice call out his name. Ever-obedient as he was, he immediately stopped in his tracks, wincing softly in annoyance but headed toward his dad nevertheless.

“Where were you?” Jake scolded him in a hushed tone but his displeasure was evident “what happened to ‘keep an eye on your brother’ hm?”

“I’m sorry sir” Neteyam pressed his lips into a thin line. If there was something the boy hated more than failure, it was disappointing his parents. He’d grown up around the desire to seek praise and approval from his parents, pushing himself to be without flaw at everything just so that his parents would be proud.

He looked around, discreetly searching for Y/N once again but he’d lost her in the crowd. Neteyam was well aware he was on most occasions referred to as the warm, friendly person in the family but he too, just like most males had a slight ego. He wasn’t going to go after Y/N just to talk; he wasn’t smitten with her to do that. So instead he just silently followed his family back to their pod, feet dragging through the cool and course sand.

It was awkwardly silent at first, everyone just quietly doing their own thing. Lo’ak, out of everyone, was sat by himself in the farthest corner of the room. He’d already done enough that day, he did not want to add to the list by ruining dinner.

“Um, hello” a familiar voice meekly greeted from the doorway “I just came to return this”

Everyone turned toward the source of the sound, eyes landing on Y/N as she stood awkwardly at the entrance, holding a bow and a few arrows. It was evident that she too could feel the tension in the room, judging by how she awkwardly kept switching her weight from one leg to the other.

“Hey” Lo’ak was the first one to reach her, helping her with the things she was struggling to carry without dropping them “Is that.. my bow?”

“Uh yea” she nervously chuckled, feeling as though the boy did not appreciate her having it in her possession “I was using earlier to practice, sorry-“

“Nah nah don’t worry’bout it” Lo’ak gave her a toothy grin “you can borrow it anytime you want”

“Maybe you can make one for her” Neytiri joined the conversation as she cut up some dried meat to add to the dish she was making “I’m teaching her how to shoot arrows, she’ll need a bow of her own for hunts”

Lo’ak nodded in agreement.

“Must’ve been a long day today huh” Jake smiled at the younger girl, referring to practically everything that took place from the fight his son’s got into with her brother and her training with Neytiri to Lo’ak getting lost and then found after hours of searching “stay for dinner”

“Oh no no, It’s alright” Y/N politely tried to decline, still standing by the door “thank you though-“

“Nah don’t be shy, it’s okay come on in” Jake wasn’t really taking no for an answer, trying in his own way to amend things not really knowing that his son had already done it by charming her with his ikran.

“My mom cooks really yummy food” Tuk tried to lure her in too, her comment putting a smile on their stoic mother’s face.

“Okay then” Y/N smiled, walking in and sitting in between Tuk and Lo’ak, right across Neteyam- who couldn’t tell why he was really hoping she would agree to stay and eat with them. The short fleeting feeling of something fluttering in his chest was unexplainable when she sat down across from him, her pretty eyes locking with his for a moment or two before she got engrossed in a conversation with Kiri.

Dinner with the Sullys was a lot more lively in comparison to her own family. They joked around, told eachother about their day and laughed boisterously, something that her mother would scoff at if done at their own dinner circle.

Neteyam, for most of the dinner, only observed Y/N. she seemed to get along with his family rather well. She could keep up with Tuk’s endless chattering, make easy conversation with his moody sister Kiri, patiently listen to his younger brother’s exaggerated stories, laugh at his father’s broken humour and make his stone cold mother smile. He could tell that she liked them just as much as they liked her and for the sake of his family, he would do better at being a good friend to her.

Not because he just wanted her to like him, no.

Once dinner was done with, Y/N took her leave, politely letting them know that it was too late for her to wait any longer. Jake asked for his older son to walk her home, despite the protests from Y/N.

“Your family is really sweet” she told him on their walk back, idly kicking her heels at the sand “I don’t remember the last time I actually had this much fun at dinner”

“Ah you’re too kind” he rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of how to respond to such praise.

“No really, dinner with my family feels like a war meeting. Minimal conversation and no laughing” she rolled her eyes.

“You’d love our bonfires then” he begun with a smile, thinking fondly about his home “at the end of the day, almost the entire Omatikaya clan gathered around the large fire for a meal. There’d be music, people exchanging stories. It was like one big family”

Y/N listened to him talk about the forest, a sad smile etching its way to her face. It was a bit heartbreaking, hearing him talk about his home with such eagerness as his face lit up just thinking about his past life that he had to give up and leave behind.

“You miss the forest a lot, don’t you?” She asked, still looking up at him with the same expression as before. Neteyam only chuckled, running his fingers through his braids as he nodded a ‘yes’

“A lot” he grinned, masking his feelings like how he always did “but I like it here, it’s-“

“It’s okay to be sad you know” she cut him off, seeing right through his facade. She knew what it was like, having to deal with the pressure of being the golden child in the family. It was almost draining sometimes to live up to the standards set, often resulting in no space nor time to deal with your own emotions “I can tell you’d rather be at the forest than out here in the reef”

“It’ll take some getting used to” the boy shrugged, still refusing to fully allow himself to wallow in his longing to return back to his clan “I loved the forest but I’m willing to give this place a chance”

“Hm” she simply hummed, proceeding to think of something to say that might lighten the mood “maybe you can show me around your village when you go back”

“If I go back” Neteyam chuckled, reminding her of the harsh reality that there wasn’t much of a chance of them returning.

“When you go back, maybe you can take me to this bonfire you told me about” she emphasised on the certainty that they would all see their precious forest soon, attempting to give him a sense of hope.

“Okay Y/N” he gave up, agreeing to whatever it was she was saying with an amused laugh “I’ll take you wherever you’d want to go, maybe even teach you to ride a direhorse”

“Really?” She almost yelled, causing Neteyam’s ears and tail to shoot up with surprise. She immediately composed herself, blushing at her own over-excited reaction “you mean it?”

“Y-yea” he adoringly gazed at her, lopsided smirk dancing on his lips. She was a curious little thing, very similar to his brother except for the whole ‘doing things without thinking’ bit.

“This is me” she stopped when they were a few feet away from a grand-looking pod that he could only assume was her place of residence “thanks for walking me home, a-and for earlier”

Neteyam only responded with a smile, waiting patiently until she’d walked inside before he turned around to head to his own little abode.

——

“I’m telling you guys, it was a tulkun”

Lo’ak was surrounded by his siblings, Aonung, Tsireya, Rotxo and Y/N; all of them immersed in Lo’ak’s story in which he claimed to have been rescued by a lone tulkun.

Y/N was firstly surprised to see her brother actually being nice to the Sullys, especially Lo’ak. She was present of course when Lo’ak shouldered the blame for what had happened at three brothers rocks, but she didn’t really think Aonung would be this touched by the gesture.

Clearly, she was wrong but she didn’t mind it in this case. It was a nice change honestly to see them all getting along.

“No tulkun is ever alone” Aonung told him, still finding it a bit hard to believe.

“This one was” Lo’ak was adamant and stuck to his story “it had a missing fin”

“Payakan” Tsireya immediately said, exchanging nervous glances with her siblings “you are lucky to be alive Lo’ak”

The boy seemed confused by that statement, so Y/N took the liberty to further explain their reaction.

“He’s a killer” she told him, finger drawing random shapes in the sand as she spoke “he’s killed other tulkun and na’vi”

“Not here” Aonung added “but a little far from this village”

“He’s been outcast since” Rotxo chimed in, contributing with his share of knowledge “he hasn’t been seen much since”

“He’s no killer” Lo’ak blew a raspberry, clearly not buying into what the other had to say about his new friend “he saved my life”

“My baby brother, the mighty warrior” Neteyam tried to lighten the mood by simply just giving his brother some credit for surviving whatever took place out these in open waters “who took on the killer tulkun and lived to tell about it”

That clearly didn’t sit well with said ‘baby brother’. He huffed in annoyance as he arose to his feet, not happy about being treated like a child by his older brother.

“You guys aren’t listening” he pouted, walking away from them.

“Lo’ak I’m listening” Tuk tried to get him to come back. She was always so eager to be around him, doing whatever she could to be in her older brother’s good books.

Still, it didn’t seem to work because he walked away nonetheless.

Y/N and Tsireya were up on their feet, ready to talk Lo’ak into coming back but Neteyam held Y/N’s hand, giving her an expression that clearly read ‘it’s okay, leave him’. She stayed put, but gave her sister a nod to go after him, knowing that if anyone could calm the boy down, it was her.

“I’m bored now” Tuk crossed her arms. She was obviously enjoying the story time with her brother and now with him gone, she needed something else to keep herself busy. She tugged Aonung by the hand, forcing him to get to his feet “I want to go look for shells, help me find them”

“I know a good place” Rotxo offered, looking at Kiri in hopes that she’d join too “it’s that way”

Y/N watched as Tuk rounded them up and followed after Rotxo, happily skipping along to pass the time by looking for shells by the beach.

“You aren’t coming?” Neteyam asked, sweetly waiting for Y/N while the others headed out to wherever Rotxo was leading them.

“You go ahead pretty boy, I’ll just stay here for a bit” she looked up at him, too lazy to get up and walk around the beach.

Ah, there it is again, she called me pretty.

Neteyam involuntarily simpered at the nickname she’d given him, finding it stupid that a big boy like him was inwardly kicking and giggling at a pet name given by a girl. Especially one like this which actually made him wonder if she actually meant it or if she was just saying it.

“What?” She scrunched her brows as she fondly examined his expression shift from neutral to borderline abashed.

“What?” He asked back.

“What’s with that smile?”

“I always smile like this” he sat down next to her, silently wondering what had changed about his smile. He was smiling like how he normally did, right?

“No, you’re trying fight that smile” she was teasing, poking her finger playfully at his cheek which only elicited an adorable chuckle from Neteyam “was it because I called you a pretty boy?”

“You can call me anything you like, I assure you it doesn’t make me blush” he held her by the wrist to keep her from poking at his cheek, beaming down at the girl who was poking fun at him, quite literally.

“I didn’t say you were” she grinned “aw, are you actually blushing Netetyam?”

“Oh fuck off” he chuckled before his eyes went wide upon realising he swore in English around her. One more thing Y/N had in common with Lo’ak apart from their heightened curiosity was their childish fascination for swearing in English “do not repeat that”

“Don’t repeat what?” Y/N raised a brow, a mischievous smirk dancing on her lips “fuck off, is that what I’m not supposed to repeat?”

“Your dad is going to kill me one day” he facepalmed, groaning at the fact that he’d unintentionally added another profanity to her dictionary.

Y/N laughed at this, her forehead coming to rest on his shoulder as she continued to giggle. Neteyam only looked down at her fondly, feeling something warm zap through his chest like lightning. He liked the sound of her laugh and more so, liked the fact that he made her laugh.

Another thing he seemed to like, was how she hadn’t pulled away her hand that was still in his. Why did he like it? He didn’t know, he just did.

While the both of them enjoyed each other’s company, Lo’ak and Tsireya observed them from a distance. Like Y/N had suspected, her sister did manage to calm him down and convince him to return to the group. What they saw on their way back was their entire gang amis from the spot except for Neteyam and Y/N who were laughing while seemingly holding hands.

“Look at the fool” Lo’ak pointed at his brother, looking at him with an expression that was nothing less than disappointment “he’s clearly into her, he’s giving her ‘the look’, see”

“The look?” Tsireya asked, head tilting in confusion. She didn’t know what it meant but she couldn’t deny that they would look cute together.

“Yea it’s like.. he dying to kiss her” he told her and watched as Tsireya’s eyes went wide “but he’s too much of a wuss to do it”

“Does your brother like my sister?” She asked, once again looking at the two.

“If I ask him he’ll say no” he answered with a shrug “but it’s so clear that he has a thing for her. I mean look at him, he’s holding her hand and everything”

“Mhm, they’re leaning into each other a lot too while talking” Tsireya noticed, observing their body language more closely “do you really think they’ll end up together?”

“If we’re waiting for my brother to make a move, it’ll be a while before that happens” Lo’ak honestly told her with a roll of his eyes “he’s never been the type to run after girls”

Lo’ak found it to be a different but pleasant change to for once see his brother actually allowing himself to just be a boy and have fun rather than being busy with training. It was a bit unusual to see him enjoy the company of a girl though but it did give Lo’ak a chance to tease him about something. And he liked Y/N so if his brother did end up tripping over his own tail for someone, he’d be quite glad it was her over anyone else.

All he did wish for was for his brother to not antagonise him by playing oblivious to his own feelings and to keep all the mushy stuff away from his poor eyes.

[raes-writing-space]

My Comfort Characters + Comfort Prompts!

Alright! Since it's Spring Break I'm going to try and get some writing done with some of my comfort characters. They might be short prompts (unless I get really into them) but I'll try and post at least one story a day, maybe even two if I have the time!

SOME OF THESE WILL HAVE MATURE THEMES AND MENTIONS OF TRAUMA. TW: SA Mention in one of Matthew's Prompts.

Here is the characters with the prompts that I'll be going for (some based off of my own experiences but put in a way that others can relate to.):

Dick Grayson/Nightwing - Being Touch Starved/Wanting A Hug (General Comfort) Sometimes being a hero is taxing, and when your body is trained to handle blow after blow... sometimes a hug is enough to make you release a lot of feelings you didn't know you were even holding in. Dick Grayson notices your change in demeanor, and just does a simple act of giving you a long hug and telling you it's going to be okay.

Tadashi Hamada - Academic Burnout Comfort After doing your best in your academics, you still feel like you're falling behind or just on the wrong academic path in general. Tadashi helps comfort reader that if they want to take a break and rethink things, it's totally okay.

Matthew Anderson - Having To Grow Up Too Fast/Lack of Childhood Comfort After having to take care and deal with so many traumatic things at a young age, it's made you feel like an adult, even when you weren't. Now that you are an adult, looking back and realizing you couldn't just be a kid and have a normal childhood really upsets you. Matthew comforts the character and shows them that while it might not be the same, it's still possible to just act like a kid and heal your inner child.

AND (TW: SA Mention) Matthew Anderson - Respecting Boundaries Comfort You and Matthew have been dating for awhile. However, you're finding a hard time telling him about your past experience with being sexually assaulted. When Matthew starts noticing that you're starting to distance yourself from him before things start to heat up, he asks if you're okay and comfortable with him. When you tell him the truth, he comforts you and tells you that he will always love you regardless if you want to have sex or not.

Yuji Itadori - Perfectionist Tendencies Leading To Self-Esteem Issues Comfort You've been wanting to become an jujutsu sorcerer and help people your whole life, but you hold yourself to a different standard. After making a tiny mistake (which does not feel tiny to you at all) you start to doubt that you'll ever be good enough. Yuji comforts the reader and tells them that we can't all be perfect all the time, that we need to forgive ourselves from time to time, and we can only strive to do our best.

Obey Me! Satan - Learning Disability/Gifted Child Burnout Comfort You used to be great with academics when you were younger, and maybe in some subjects you still are just as good. But now that you're older and in a completely new academic environment, no one but Satan sees how you struggle to study, and stress yourself out to the point of crying when the words on the page seem to get jumbled up and not make sense to you. Satan helps you take a break, then helps make the studying process a little bit easier.

Ruggie Bucchi - Not Knowing When To Take A Break Comfort You're the type of person who is so used to being tasked with everything. Cleaning, cooking, studying, and caring for others, but that means you tend to forget to take care of yourself a lot. After feeling overwhelmed by the tasks you have to do, you make yourself on the verge of being sick because you can't seem to just pause anything. Ruggie helps the reader by forcing them to sit down before they collpase, and helps share the load with the reader and shows that it's possible to let other people take care of them too.

Cove Holden - Struggling With Things Changing Comfort Takes place around Step 3, when all of your friends and family are taking about their plans for the future, you start to realize what that exactly means. The feelings hit you all at once that things aren't going to be the same anymore, and while you're happy for your friends and family, the change still scares you. Cove reminds you that no matter what happens, he will always be there for you through everything, and that while things are changing, some things will always stay the same.

[magicxc]

Aunt Flo

Pairings: Survey Corps x Black!Reader

Word Count: 1052

Warnings: none

A/N: Because most of us have a very intimate experience with periods, it’s come to be a normal part of our lives; and in a sense something we’ve become desensitized to. The mood swings, the cramps, the pain, the heavy flows, the birth controls we take to stop it, etc. The list literally goes on. But disassociate, if you can, a life without periods and tell me really, which guy you’d be like if your partner had them.

Headcannons Masterlist

Eren - lowkey disgusted, but holds it together for your sake and gets better over time. 

Eren vocally gagged the first time he saw your stained underwear. He’s no stranger to blood but he’s found it quite tricky to wrap his head around vaginal bleeding. He’s patting you on your back with a broom in hopes that you’ll feel better because he’s just not that far on the emotional intelligence scale yet. But as time goes on, the more he gets used to the idea of it and while he’s still a bit iffy, he’s nowhere near as repulsed as he once was.

Levi - the clean freak is not having it. 

While he is an adult about the situation his efforts to ensure you, a heavy bleeder, doesn't stain anything can very easily cross over from comforting to annoying. In the beginning he’s lining your side of the bed with absorbent pads; like the ones you train your pets to pee on. But not just for sleep, you must use them for sitting as well. His hydrogen peroxide has since tripled considering he washes all the clothes for you both. But your last straw was him suggesting you wear a tampon with your pad. Levi had the physical part of things down packed. It was his sensitivity he needed training on. In time though, he becomes more considerate.

Erwin - understands that it's normal and is very neutral to it all. 

He isn’t rolling out the wagon with any treats or anything because it's human nature. It is literally another day for Erwin. To say he doesn’t care is an exaggeration and a bit unfair. He does care about your wellbeing, but he doesn't really view periods as a sickness or hindrance because, well, he is a realist and doesn’t think too much of it since, once again, it’s natural. So long as you’re not in any physical pain, he’s fucking off to work somewhere. The most you’ll get out of him is herbal tea and extra forehead kisses; a back massage if you’re lucky.

Connie - The learner; literally tell him everything there is to know.

The first time Connie saw you stain the sheets from your vag of all places, he thought you were dying. He was literally two thirds of the numbers in from dialing 911 when he woke up to such a scene. That was top three funniest reasons you ever woke up laughing, and on your period no less. Even though he’s unfamiliar about most things aunt flo, teaching him has been an absolute joy because he’s genuinely interested and keeps you cackling. You’ve taught Connie the ins and outs alongside your personal preferences for such a time. And with his piquing interest eventually the grasshopper became the master; oftentimes pre-empting your visit before you get the chance to - and accurately at that.

Jean - another neutral one who doesn’t too much care for the occasion. 

Jean carries on as usual in his daily activities. Periods don’t bother him and he understands that the only effective way he can help is gonna be followed by 18 years of child care. Therefore he lets you keep to yourself and tries his best to stay out the way to avoid making you any crankier. It isn't until he overhears Sasha and Mikasa talk about what a perfect period would look like for them does he get a light bulb moment to interfere a little. Jean still leaves you be for the most part, and he's still off doing whatever it is that he does, but he has made an effort to shower you in a few comfort items when the time comes. 

Onyankopon - the know it all. 

While you are grateful for such an intelligent man, you’ve come to dread the month for two reasons now. Ony, for whatever reason, actually knows more about the topic than you do, treating each month as a biology lesson on why the uterus sheds its lining “every 23-35 days” and the benefits behind it. That big beautiful brain of his is something that you wholeheartedly adore, but just not during aunt flo. In fact, it’s you who evades him. Eventually he comes to understand that it may not be the most appropriate time for in depth learning, but still comes prepared with a fun fact or two.

Reiner - moral support is the best he can offer you at this time. 

Reiner just about doubles over at the idea of blood shed, even if this one is quote on quote natural for you. He doesn't find it disgusting but after all the fighting he’s done, he simply cannot take it. That, coupled with the idea that it brings you pelvic pain, tender breasts, and ongoing headaches? The man is practically in agony right alongside you; bedridden and anxious. He may prove useless for the time being, but he tends to shower you with gifts and good loving afterwards to make up for his squeamish ways. 

Armin - he is the boyfriend these bitches can only dream of having. 

Armin literally tracks your period so that he can know exactly when to expect aunt flo. He’ll have movies, hot compresses, and snacks on standby. In fact he installed a shelf in the bedroom, chocked full of goodies and essentials you’re bound to need for that time of the month. You want a massage? Hot oils are on the lower left. You forgot to restock your pads, he’s got an emergency pack all the way to the bottom. Cramps are killing you? Middle right is where you’ll find a selection of pain meds to choose from depending on the level of aching you’re currently experiencing. He is the definition of prepared and is willing to wait on you hand and foot.

Floch - the complainer.

You have cramps and can't be touched? Suddenly you no longer love him. Sex is a no go for you at this time? Maybe he’ll just combust of blue balls instead. Cravings on an all time high? Well you ate his snacks too. The saying that men catch their pregnant wives' symptoms rings all the more true for Floch during your periods. He gets just as cranky, hungry, and even once complained of tender joints. Its safe to say you want to slap him most months.

[gothoffspring]

Previously on Living a Nightmare;

Riley received an AMAZING chance card and jumped all the way to the top of the comedy career! He quickly became an overnight sensation and is now a one star celebrity! This is definitely Riley's biggest accomplishment and it means we'll have to spend a lot less time at work as the legacy progresses which I'm happy about!

Immediately after being promoted, Riley was flown out to Del Sol Valley to film his very FIRST comedy special titled "Hot and Heavy". It was a resounding success! "Hot and Heavy" was one of the most popular comedy albums of the entire year, and Riley has the plaques and posters to prove it. His life has skyrocketed in a very short amount of time. He's got a beautiful girlfriend, a job that he loves and grand ideas for what the future holds for him.

Monica decided she was ready for more and autonomously asked Riley if she could move in! They're both so infatuated with each other and don't want to waste any more time not being together.

Under the cut you can find some a lot more info on the gameplay aspect of the legacy and my future plans for the Burns family!

First of all, I had to extend the short lifespans just a LITTLE bit. Short is TOO short y'all, I can't. I still made them shorter than the normal lifespan. Lifespans are as follows:

Baby: 2 days

Infant: 6 days

Toddler: 8 days

Child: 11 days

Teen: 14 days

Young Adult: 18 days

Adult: 25 days

Elder: 8 days

We'll play out this first generation with these lifespans and see how it goes, I may have to adjust it a bit but I'm not sure. I really did not realize how difficult this challenge was going to be, because I get attached to my gameplay sims very fast. They're all gonna DIE so quickly, pray for me. I'm honestly excited to see how much progress we can make in a short amount of time though.

As far as future plans, I'm completely over Strangerville and it's annoying NPC's. I did not beat the Strangerville story and I was using a mod to toggle the story on and off, and sometimes I would forget to toggle it and it's just so frustrating. there should ABSOLUTELY be an option in the gameplay settings to turn the story off.

We are officially going to be moving to Chestnut Ridge! I figured it would be fun to try out some horse ranch gameplay and own a huge ranch. We're going to be taking out a loan in order to afford it, and Riley is going to keep working for a while as a top comedian before he retires and dedicates all of his time to the ranch. We're going to be attempting to survive by selling nectar, breeding horses/doing competitions, and farming! Monica may also pick up crocheting or cross stitching as a side hobby. Maybe canning?! I haven't done any canning at all yet! I know it makes little to no sense for them to be moving to a huge ranch from a very rundown home, but since Riley shot to stardom so fast I like to think he realized the first thing he wanted was a nicer home.

I think it fits Riley PERFECTLY. He's always wanted to make his own nectar and being a country boy at heart, Chestnut Ridge won't feel too far from home. Monica is also an animal enthusiast and VERY excited to get some animals, so it's going to be great for both of them. They've been doing some house hunting lately and they've almost found the perfect place. I've already moved some of their friends to Chestnut Ridge and given all of the original Chestnut Ridge townies little makeovers! I also added a couple more sims to the world just to fill it up a bit more. Riley and Monica will be making TONS of friends I'm sure. There's a bunch of couples ready to have babies at the same time as them which I'm excited about, gotta make sure our kids have friends!

I think that's it for now, but I did just want to say thank you so much to anyone who shows any kind of interest in following along with my gameplay. I know I've been widlly inconsistent and have rarely been posting gameplay, but I truly believe that's about to change as I dive back into this legacy and get things rolling again!

[frozenwafflesagain]

I spent the first hour of my 25th birthday thinking about Ben Hargreeves, as one does.

And thus I present…

A Collection of Ben Hargreeves Thoughts And Theories

- INSANELY misunderstood in my opinion

- There is a difference between how Ben was as a child versus who he is as a (ghost) adult

- The Hargreeves all remember the child Ben was, while Klaus knows who Ben became and loves him for it

- Ben as a child: sweet, quiet, kind, gentle, polite, snarky, serious, timid, fearful, still, obedient, know-it-all

- Ben as an adult: loyal, determined, jaded, unapologetic, realist, tough love, practical, sad, sarcastic, caring, desperate, annoyed

- Everyone says Ben was “the best of them” when they were teenagers; I imagine that he was always there for whoever needed it with a kind word or just a hand to hold. Ben just wants to help, I think that’s one trait that stayed with him into adulthood.

- He was afraid of the Horror growing up, obviously. He didn’t want to use it, we can assume from this that he never took pleasure in the death and destruction it brought. He literally says “I didn’t sign up for this.”

- Seemed to go along with Klaus’ pranks, even enjoy them. He might have had a bit of a wild side as a teenager that faded a bit after he died.

- We know he was scared to move on to the afterlife when he died. I think it was because he didn’t want to leave his family yet.

- He stayed with Klaus all those years, and he didn’t have to. He CHOSE to. I think he wanted to stay with Klaus, give him someone to hold on to and watch out for him no matter how frustrating it got.

- But even though he wouldn’t abandon Klaus, Ben very clearly got angry and frustrated and annoyed with him, and understandably so. He had to watch Klaus waste away the life he didn’t get to have.

- When he says as much to Klaus when they’re at the motel, I don’t think this was Ben choosing to rub the reality of his death in Klaus’ face. I don’t think he was doing it to be malicious, because that’s not Ben. I think that he was trying to give Klaus something else to focus on while he was reliving his trauma. Tough love - yeah, what he was saying was undoubtedly hard for Klaus to hear, and I’m sure Ben was airing out his own grievances, but I think it was in the name of distraction more than anything else. If Klaus could think about what Ben was going through instead of focusing on the memories, that could help him in the end.

- In regards to the S2 possession: I chalk that up to poor writing and poor characterization. Ben ASKING Klaus to possess him makes sense to me, but everything else that he does without consent I see as a failure to understand Ben’s character. After everything they went through as kids, after everything Ben himself went through, after the things he probably saw happen to Klaus on the streets, I simply refuse to believe that Ben would have “no regrets” about taking control of Klaus’ body like that. The person the writers have set up Ben to be prior to those scenes would NEVER have been okay with that. Honestly, in my mind, those Ben scenes are not canon.

-That being said, his decision to save Viktor makes perfect sense. As much as he clearly wanted to stay with Klaus, he knew he would finally make an impact on his sibling’s lives if he could get to Viktor and help him control his powers. Again, he showed Viktor tough love along with compassion: he didn’t let him give up.

- But wanting a hug as he goes? There’s the Ben they all knew as kids.

- I think he probably regretted not getting to tell Klaus the truth in his last moments, which is why he asks Viktor to do it. He didn’t want Klaus to carry around the guilt he must have felt at the idea that he made Ben stay. Ben, despite growing harder and more jaded in death, is still kindhearted.

- Predictably, dying greatly affected his personality and the way he saw things as he stayed with Klaus.

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Lighting Bug - Chapter 15

Master list 

Warning: mention of child abuse, mention of past abuse

Word Count: 3.1K

“Thank you,” you looked from your book and saw Steve. He was holding a book of his own - The Hobbit - and a small notebook. 

“I’m sorry?” You questioned, closing your book and setting up. “Why are you thanking me?” He pointed to the chair next to you, a silent question asking if he could join you. You nodded. He sat down, glancing at the book you were reading. 

“I haven’t read that one. Is it good?” It was Natasha Ngan’s second book, Girls of Storm and Shadow. 

“Yeah,” you said. “It’s a typical young adult fantasy novel. This is the second book in a trilogy,” you watched as he opened the notebook and wrote something down. “You still haven’t told me why you are thanking me.” He closed the book. 

“Bucky told me you and he talked,” he opened The Hobbit to where his bookmark was. “So thank you. You didn’t need to apologize but you did.” You watched the super soldier read. He used the bookmark to keep track of what line was one. 

“Do you miss how quiet it was before you went into the ice?” You found yourself asking. He paused the movement of the bookmark as he thought. “I assume it was quieter back then.” You added. 

“It was,” he said. “I miss how simple things were and sometimes the world is loud, especially with the enhanced hearing,” you nodded. “But I’m used to it now. I think it would be weird without it. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” you played with the pages of the book. “It wasn’t fair to Bucky. I was struggling to separate him and someone else.” 

“I understand.” You weren’t sure if he did. 

“What was Bucky like before the war?” You asked him. Steve smiled, a fond look in his eyes. He told you how protective Bucky was of him, especially after his mother died. Steve always found himself in fights with guys twice his size. But Bucky was there. “When did you know that you loved him?” He sighed. 

“It wasn’t until he fell off the train that I thought he was dead,” he said, tapping his fingers against the book. “It made me realize the feelings I had for him weren’t just platonic. One of the better things about living now instead of then,” he went back to reading. “It’s not perfect but it’s getting better.” It helped that he was Captain America. Who was going to tell him who he loved was wrong? Your father didn’t preach against it but you heard them talk about a same-sex couple they saw at the store and they did not say great things about them. 

“That notebook you wrote it in,” you said. “What is it?”

“It’s filled with different historical events, movies, and music,” he said. “I used it a lot to help me figure out the modern world. Now I use it more as a bucket list of sorts,” you nodded. 

“Sorry for the 20 questions,” you blushed. He smiled. “You can ask me something.” He looked at you, head tilted to the side as he thought of his question. 

“Are you happy here?” The question took you by surprise. You weren’t expecting it. 

“Yeah, I am,” you smiled. “I feel safe.”   

*

You sat on the couch with a notebook on your lap and your feet tucked underneath you. The talk with Steve got you thinking of all the things you’ve missed and wanted to accomplish so you decided to make your list. 

Go to the beach 

Go on a rollercoaster 

Watch Star Wars 

Learn how to swim 

Give Natasha, Wanda, America, Yelena, and Kate a hug

Reach out to Caleb?

“Hey,” America flopped down next to you. “Are you busy?” You shut the notebook and gave her your full attention. 

“Nope, what’s going on?” You asked. She smiled. 

“I have some homework from Strange,” she rolled her eyes. It made you smile. “Do you want to hang out with me while I work?” You nodded, a tight feeling forming in your chest. 

“Yeah, sounds like fun,” you followed her to her room. It was a similar layout to yours but the key difference was the decorations. She had posters and artwork on the wall. Stuffed animals on her bed and pictures of the Avengers. 

“Sorry, it’s a bit of a mess,” she picked up a few clothes and threw them in her closet. Her room didn’t look like a mess but lived in it. “Here, join me,” she climbed onto her bed and pulled a book onto her lap. You felt nervous for some reason. It was dumb, this wasn’t the first time you’d laid in bed with her. You shook your head and joined her.

“So,” you said, crossing your legs. “What is Strange having you do?” She opened the book. 

“Read,” she huffed. You couldn’t help but giggle. Her smile grew. “Your laugh is really cute.” You felt your cheeks burn and you busy yourself with playing with the blanket on her bed. “He thinks learning the history of the mystic arts will help me connect with my powers more,” she shrugged. “I just do what I’m told.”

“Explain it to me. I don’t know anything about it.”

“Okay, yeah I can do that,” she opened the book. “So this guy Agamotto found out you could draw power from alternate universes to create magic spells. He established the Masters of the Mystic Arts to protect people from extradimensional evil.”  

“Extradimensional evil?” You questioned. 

“Yeah, the dude was a little dramatic. It means ghosts or demons. Wong says the Avengers protect the world from physical dangers while sorcerers protect the Earth from more mystical threats,” she explained. Oh. That made sense? You weren’t sure. America laughed. “Your confused face is pretty cute too.” Again she made your cheeks burn. 

“Shut up,” you mumbled. She laughed again. She continued to explain that different sanctums were built in Hong Kong, New York, and London. You were listening, you were, but your eyes landed on a framed picture of two women and a younger America. 

“Those are my moms,” you jumped, not expecting her to catch you looking at you. She had a smile on her face but it wasn’t happy, more sad or lost. 

“What happened?” You asked. She sighed, running her hands over her face and down her hair. 

“Are you ever afraid of yourself?” She asked. You chuckled. 

“All the time,” you admitted, looking down at your hands. 

“When I was younger I couldn't control my powers. I can jump through different multiverses,” she added. You weren’t 100% sure what she meant by that but you didn’t want to interpret. “I got scared by a bee. When I screamed, a portal to another universe opened and they went through. I’ve been searching for them ever since but I was alone until the Avengers saved me.” You were surprised at how similar your stories were. 

“I was 4 when I discovered what I could do,” you told her. “I accidentally shocked my brother. My parents were less than thrilled about it.”

“They hurt you, didn’t they?” You weren’t sure why it was so hard to admit it to her. You admitted it to Natasha and Yelena but you didn’t want America to see you differently. But you were silent for too long. You knew it was louder than anything you could say. 

“Yeah,” you whispered. “But this isn’t about me. What happened to your moms wasn’t your fault,” she smiled, it was small. 

“It wasn’t your fault either,” she said, putting her hand on top of your gloves. “What your parents did to you wasn’t your fault. It’s on them.”

“Okay,” you whispered. You weren’t sure if you believed her. You were constantly told it was your fault. Every hand laid on you or every world screamed at you, it was all your fault.

“Knock, knock,” you pulled your hand away from America and looked at Natasha. She had a playful smirk on her face. “Am I interrupting?”

“No,” you said. “Uh, what’s up?” She looked between you and America. Her smile was growing. You saw America’s cheeks blush out of the corner of your eye. 

“I just ran into Tony and he brought up you being homeschooled?” You groaned, rolling. 

“I didn’t give him an answer yet,” Natasha chuckled. 

“Why don’t you and Wanda and I sit down and talk about it?” You nodded, standing up. 

“I’ll see you later,” you said to America. “And thank you.” She smiled. 

“Yeah, of course,” you walked over to Natasha with your heart beating (). 

*

Natasha stepped out of the way so she could walk by. She watched the young girl walk over to the couch then looked back at America, who wouldn’t look at the Black Widow. “So..” America groaned, flopping onto her back. 

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything,” the young girl glared at her. 

“You didn’t have to say anything but you said enough,” Natasha chuckled. 

“Whatever you say, kid,” she closed the door to join her girlfriend and Y/n. Natasha had to admit they were cute together and she didn’t miss the way America would look at the newest member. She trusted America to be patient and not rush anything but she would have to give them both the shovel talk if things were going to progress. Wanda was sitting next to Y/n. The young girl was smiling at whatever Wanda said. “So,” the Black Widow said, sitting down. “Do you want to be homeschooled?”

“Yeah,” the teen said, biting her lip. “I’m just worried.” 

“What are you worried about?” Wanda asked. She looked down, playing with the bottom of her shirt. 

“I don’t want you guys to think I’m stupid,” she said. Natasha wondered how many times her heart would break as she would open up to them. “I never went to school. My parents didn’t want anyone to know I existed. The only reason I know how to read is that they forced me to read passages from the bible,” she sighed. 

“Dorogoy, you aren’t stupid,” Natasha said. “We would never think you were. I didn’t go to school.”

“The point of the test is to see where you're at,” Wanda said. “So Tony can make a plan to help. The grade doesn’t matter.” The teen didn’t seem conceived. 

“We’ll be proud of you no matter what you get.” Natasha saw the relief on the girl’s face. Was that the first time she’s heard that? She was starting to plot a way to hurt everyone who hurt this girl. 

“Okay,” she smiled. “I’d like to give it a try.” 

“Let’s go talk to Tony.” 

*

You were nervous as you sat between Wanda and Natasha. It felt stupid but you didn’t know why you were feeling this way. Maybe because you didn’t want to fail them. “Well isn’t my favorite family,” Tony said. Natasha rolled her eyes. “What can I do for you?” The couple looked at you. 

“Uh, I’d like to take you up on that offer about homeschooling,” you said. His smile grew. 

“Perfect,” he turned his back to you and opened a drawer. “You are going to need to take a placement test to see what educational level you are at,” he spun back around, holding a folder. “Here is a study guide that goes through the sections of the test.” You took the folder from him, raising an eyebrow. 

“Do you just have this study guide laying around?” You asked. He laughed. 

“I had a feeling you’d say yes,” you shook your head. “No rush when you want to take the test. Just let me know, okay?” 

“Okay,” you hit the folder against your hand. “Thank you for everything. I can’t express how grateful I am.” 

“Don’t mention it, kid,” Tony smiled. 

“You’re family,” Natasha said. Family. You felt your throat burn and your eyes watered with unshed tears. 

“We’ll be upstairs soon,” you nodded and walked out of Tony’s lab. You weren’t watching where you were going, to focus on the papers Tony gave you. It was a habit you never had before living in the tower. You always had to be on alert. You weren’t lying to Steve when you told him you felt safe here. So, when you ran into a body it didn’t phase you. 

“Sorry,” you and Peter said at the same time. You giggled. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.” He said. He was holding a textbook in his hands. 

“Neither was I apparently,” he laughed along with you. 

“What do you have there?” He asked. 

“Oh Tony suggested I start being homeschooled so he gave me some study material for the placement exam,” you could barely contain your excitement. 

“Can I see what he gave you?” You gave him the folder and watched as he flipped through the papers. “Well,” he handed it back to you. “If you need help with anything let me know. I know MJ and Ned could help as well.” 

“Thank you, Peter. I’ll keep that in mind,” you said your goodbyes and headed back to the floor. It was strange, you thought, how a group of strangers turned your life around.

*

Tony waited until the doors of his lap closed before looking back at the couple. “Have you asked her yet?” Natasha sighed, shaking her head. 

“We haven’t found a good time to,”

“And she’s just getting her footing,” Wanda added. “She hasn’t been here for long.” Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“What happens if someone sees her and the news gets back to her brother and they come to get her?” He asked. “If you get guardianship of her it would be easier to fight.” Natasha’s stomach twisted at the idea of someone taking the young girl away. 

“Have you been keeping tabs on her family in California?” The Russian asked. Tony nodded. 

“Her brother is a senior in high school and on track to go to UCLA,” he leaned forward, resting his hands on the table. “Their aunt, on their mother’s side, is a 1st-grade teacher and their uncle owns a construction business.” He looked directly into Natasha’s eyes. “I know you care about her. This is the best thing for you.” But what if it wasn’t? What if she said no and that caused her to run? 

“We’ll talk to her.” 

*

The floor decided to have a movie night but when Natasha asked FRIDAY where Y/n was, the AI informed her she was in the library. So the Black Widow went to the library and found the teen asleep on the small couch with the study guide Tony gave her on the floor. It brought a smile to her face. But the thing that tipped it over the edge was the crochet blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders. She made a mental note to have Wanda make her own. She knelt in front of her, watching the slow rise and fall of her chest and the peaceful look on her face. It was so strange, how a stranger entered her life and completely turned it upside down. Soon her eyes fluttered open and Natasha was staring into confused blue eyes. “Nat,” she mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “What-?”

“We are going to watch a movie, do you want to join us or do you want to go back to sleep?” She blinked a few times, trying to process what Natasha said to her. 

“Sleep,” Natasha smiled, fighting the urge to run her hand through the girl’s hair. 

“Sleep it is. Let’s get you to bed then,” the teen groaned, pulling the blanket over her head. “You are not sleeping here.” 

“Don’t wanna move,” she whined and Natasha had to bite her lip to stop her laugh from spilling out. She was throwing a small tantrum and it made her smile. The Black Widow knew her bed was going to be more comfortable. She thought back to what Kate said to get the teen to move to her bed. But she didn’t want to use cuddling as a bargaining chip. It couldn’t hurt for this one time. 

“How about we move to your bed and we can cuddle?” The Russian asked. She pulled the blanket off her head. 

“Cuddles?” She questioned. Natasha nodded with a smile as the teen’s eyebrows meant in the middle. “But aren’t you going to watch a movie?”

“Yes but between me and you, I would rather cuddle with you and we could watch a movie in your room.” The girl sat up and looked at Natasha, her blue eyes staring into the green. She was trying to find a lie. 

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Alright, let’s clean this up,” she nodded and helped Natasha pick up the papers. Once the library was cleaned, they walked back to their floor. “I’ll be right there,” she said. “Popcorn?”

“Popcorn,” she agreed and walked into her room. 

“Hey, is she joining us?” Wanda asked as Natasha walked into the kitchen. 

“No, and I’m not either,” she grabbed a popcorn bag and put it in the microwave. She leaned against the counter. “We are going to watch a movie in her room.” Wanda smiled, putting her hand on Natasha’s arm. 

“That’s great. Are you going to ask her?” Natasha shrugged as the microwave went off. She opened the bag and poured it into a bowl. 

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I don’t want to ruin anything. She’s happy right now. I don’t want to change that.” Wanda nodded. 

“I understand. I’ll be behind you with whatever choice you make,” Natasha smiled, kissing Wanda softly. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” Natasha grabbed two water bottles and headed to Y/n’s room. The teen was scrolling through the different streaming services. 

“What do you want to watch?” She asked as Natasha closed the door. 

“I’m not picky,” she huffed. Natasha laughed, climbing onto her bed. She placed the bowl between them and put the blanket over her. 

“The Incredibles?” She suggested. “I’ve never seen it.” 

“Perfect,” Before she pressed play, she rested her head on Natasha’s lap and put the metal bowl on her stomach. Natasha looked down at her, who was already looking up at her. She couldn’t figure out the look on the girl’s face. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. It felt different than the other times she’s said it. 

“Your welcome,” Natasha smiled. The girl hit play and turned her head to face the TV. Natasha could sit here and listen to her laugh forever. It was carefree, light, and happy. She was so different from the scared teen she met at Annie’s. She was healing and it was amazing to see.      

_

taglist: @aestruvx @toouncreativeforausername  @modedddd @whitewidowsbite  @julilamoment   @mythixmagic

[sparkle-skitty]

FANFIC PIECE/GLIMPSE

I spent a STUPID long time on just this ONE BIT here so I am showing it to everyone whether y'all like it or not

For the record, this is just a scrap from the fanfic I am writing (attempting to) and because I am not a linear writer*, everything here is subject to change if/when I get to stringing it all together more coherently. So basically, it's a demo.

I proofread it a few times, but it may not be perfect because I am tired and also was originally writing entirely third person instead of second person but found myself mentally scripting in second person - so if anything sounds wonky, I'm all ears!

(*Meaning, I do not write start to finish, I write exactly what I feel like writing regardless if it's chronologically next. The scenes are coming to me in patchwork!)

Anyway, click read more for the excerpt.

CW for: mentions of child abuse, mentions of bullying, very slight blood, very slight violence, emotional outbursts/shutdown (y/n is neurodivergent), dislike of children (again, y/n is neurodivergent), aaaand I'm not sure what else to tag so lemme know if something is needed

(For the record, y/n has some of me plus some other things I've seen with other neurodivergent people written into them so HOPEFULLY it sounds at least somewhat relatable to others in the community)

You nearly ran into one of the play structures, too interested in watching what was going on by the door to the Daycare. An adult was getting more and more agitated, while Sun held a child behind him, with unimpressed and shrugging daycare workers passing to leave as their shift had ended. The only one who had remained had been talking between the adult and Sun, but was now finally giving up with a very loud "ugh!", throwing her hands in the air as she turned away to clock out.

It was now out of sight, and you were quickly putting away the armful of toys you had carefully balanced against you into the trunks they belonged, in order to get back to the scene asap. Your Employee Fazwatch buzzed on your arm, at first making you growl "Ugh, now what?!" but your irritation evaporated as you realized it was a message from Moon.

"That adult is not one of the child's authorized pick-up persons."

Moon must have caught you staring through the cameras. You instinctively glanced up at where you knew the nearest one was, knowing likely Moon was staring back from his little cyberspace world in the Attendants' shared body. But you quickly turned heel and speed-walked over to Sun.

You were certainly frustrated that, once again, poor Sun had been left behind to deal with the remaining Daycare children alone, but you were more angry now that they had so purposefully let him take the fall for the rules and regulations that even Fazbear Entertainment had to follow by law.

"You'd think by now I'd be over this," you thought. "Not like I've never had a job before where everyone was only looking out for themselves." But you knew very well it was because it was Sun, your friend, the sweetest guy in the world (probably), that you took it so personally. And also, maybe a little because most of the workers still treated him like a mindless machine, aaand possibly because a child was involved in a potentially dangerous situation.

Okay, maybe it made a little sense to take it personally.

As you drew closer, you realized Sun's hold on the child wasn't to keep the child from going to the adult, but rather the opposite - to keep the adult from getting at the child. At every turn he was putting himself between the adult and the child, and the boy looked nervous to say the least.

Your anger suddenly sparked into a blaze of fury upon the sight. No matter how much your rational side tried to tell them that it could be only because the tone of the conversation was scaring the kid, your feral inner child was screaming for blood, having the scene be a bit too familiar and hitting too close to home.

Sun caught sight of you from the corner of his eye, and turned to look with relief that someone might be coming to rescue them, only to be a little taken aback by the absolute darkness that was emanating from your being. The dangerous glint in your eyes, the snarl that curved your lips, revealing teeth tightly ground together - it was something he hadn't yet seen from his new friend. But once you looked at him and you both locked eyes, he saw a metaphorical mask rapidly apply, especially as you noticed the man had finally looked to see what Sun had been gazing at.

The mask replaced the baleful expression with one far more bright, friendly, and chipper. Though the animatronic could see the cracks in the disguise himself, he knew it was practically impossible for any random person to see. He couldn't help but stiffen as you approached and settled beside them. He had only worked with you for a short time, but it seemed so out of character!

"Hi there!" you greeted, launching into your Customer Service Voice, enthusiastic with a great smile, your eyes crinkling. "Is there something I can do for you?"

The man waved his hand around in anger, "It's about time someone came, besides this damn robot!" Sun tensed at the word and the inflection, but stayed quiet, watching with interest at how you hadn't even flinched with the man's loud and sharp tone.

"I am so sorry about that, looks like we're the only two left in the Daycare right now! What can I help you with?"

"Tell this metal idiot to give me my nephew, will you? I'm already running late!"

You turned to Sun, smile never faltering. "Hey Sunny, is there a problem?" you asked openly.

Sun caught the hint and quickly replied, "This person has not been set as a designated guardian for this child in our system."

"Ah, well!" you turned back to the man glowering at the both of you. "I'm afraid that we can not legally allow you to take the child from the Daycare, sir. I'm terribly sorry, but I'm sure you can understand the reasoning here. Just imagine if those weren't the rules! Kids could be carted off by just any ol' person, even criminals and bad guys!"

As you spoke, you gestured - and even winked - with great enthusiasm. Your hyper-upbeat tone not once fell, but the language used was definitely a subtle accusation.

"I'm afraid you'll have to forgive my friend here, but that's the protocol!"

"I want a manager!" the man spluttered, now thoroughly furious.

"Oh!" you exclaimed, a hand going to your mouth before you tilted your head in a bow. "I'm terribly sorry, again, sir, but..." you then lifted both arms towards Sun, gesturing as if presenting him for the first time. "He IS the manager. It's his Daycare after all! He's the boss, the head honcho, the big cheese, emphasis on the big part," you quietly added to the end, tone now finally slipping to indicate the threat.

Sun couldn't help but also notice that you were doing your nervous trait of babbling and trying to joke. But he wasn't so sure this was anxiety or a matter of barely containing yourself.

"Please leave before we have to contact security," you said after a moment of silent fuming from the man, optimism now back but with an edge to it, giving firmness to the command. "If the rightful guardian or guardians can not come, they will have to contact us themselves to add you in. Otherwise, we will not be able to release this child to you."

The guy looked around a bit, grumbling and muttering angrily, before very suddenly lurching forward towards you. Sun's arm shot out automatically to snatch the man by the shirt, to stop him and lift him away, but to his shock you made your own automatic response of swiping at the man's face.

Blood swelled from parts of the claw marks on his stunned expression, but not enough blood to actually run. You had mostly gotten him to the side of his face as he had turned at the last second to look at Sun, traveling just a bit across his jaw and cheek.

The facade was dropped in an instant as you huffed and shook from the adrenaline, then shrieked, "TRY THAT AGAIN, I FUCKIN' DARE YA!"

"Language!" Sun quickly reprimanded you, glaring at you. You tore your gaze from the man's bewildered face to look at him, then looked away, snorting through your nose and folding your arms across your chest. He sighed in exasperation, knowing that sort of maneuver all too well from the children and, well, Moon.

"I am not a brat," Moon grumbled in his head.

"I didn't say anything!" Sun internally responded back.

You looked the man up and down, feet now off the ground as Sun held him firm, but he wasn't struggling. You snatched the radio out of your pocket and calmly made the call to security to remove the man from the premises.

Even as the man was escorted out, Sun's internal monitors showed your heart was still pounding away. But when you glanced at the child, your look softened to one of embarrassment, or shame? You knelt down next to him.

"Hey, sorry about that kiddo, that... must have been scary," you mumbled.

Your interactions with the children were always awkward. You had told Sun you hated kids, but on top of that also had no idea how to deal with them. Every time you were like a deer in the headlights, a newborn giraffe trying to learn to walk - unsteady, unsure, and bewildered by everything.

Sun had so far learned that you at least knew enough to be nice to the kids and to excuse yourself when it got to be too much, which was more than he could say for most of the daycare workers, which was ironic given that you were, well... a glorified janitor.

The child nodded, sniffling. There was a pause, and then the boy released Sun's pant leg and ran over to you, wrapping his little arms around you. You were surprised, then cringed.

"Um, there there..." you said, patting his back gently. To your horror, you realized he was still crying and sniffling. Sun watched with amusement as your face silently twisted into disgust. You looked up at him, pleading with him to get the child away somehow, but Sun shook his head, crossing his arms. This is now a punishment, he decided. He knew you wouldn't dare just shove the kid away.

------------------------------------

You were scrubbing at your shirt with several sanitary wipes. The snot might be gone by now, but you weren't sure and still felt unclean.

It seemed like it took forever for the child's actual guardians to show up, and Sun was not only doing the checkout, but also the report about what had happened.

You had allowed that child to tug your hands, hug you, and you even picked him up when he gestured so. Gross gross gross, little snotty kids were the worst. They had no sense of cleanliness or manners regarding germs. You shuddered at the thought of wondering if he even wiped himself, then flopped back into the security desk chair with a groan. To take your mind off your child-germophobia, you pulled out your phone and began a round of Candy Crush.

Your timeblindness caught you up again as you suddenly looked up to see Sun standing on the other side of the desk. He had his arms folded again, and wore a frown.

"That wasn't being a very good role-model, you know."

"Heck off, I'm not Daycare staff, so I don't--"

"Ah ah!" Sun cut you off, "You ARE Daycare staff, buster, even if it's just to clean, and as you so eloquently put it, I'm the boss here. And I say you need to be a better role model."

"Well personally I like their spunk," Moon snickered in his head. Sun ignored him.

There was a moment of silence between you two, before you shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh well."

Sun's eyebrow twitched with irritation. "Don't "oh well" me! You were cussing, AND you got physical with a customer--"

"Not a customer, just a dick."

"Language! Let's just hope you didn't teach the little one to solve our problems with anger and violence."

"Right, let's hope he never believes a grownup will stand up for him again in his life," you growled mockingly.

Sun was stunned, feeling frustration rise. He put his head in his hand and let out an exasperated sigh. "You can stand up for people without resorting to attacking others."

"Not always. Not every time." you answered lowly.

Sun noticed your heart rate was starting to climb again, and you were beginning to shake. Well, if there's one thing about this whole debacle that was a positive, it's the fact you make it so obvious when you're upset or angry.

"Let's calm down," he said soothingly. "This is just a discussion, you don't need to get angry--"

You stood bolt upright from your chair, your voice raising, "This isn't a discussion! You're chastising and-and-and down-talking and-and... belittling me! For defending myself! Because-because what? The kid might see it and-and think, oh man I-I-I should probably do something if someone... if someone just-just.... comes at me!" You were stammering and practically vibrating with the sudden spike in temper.

Sun leaned back with his hands up, a look of surprise on his face. "Woah, woah, woah! Hold on! I'm sorry if that's how I made you feel, but the rules--"

"DAMN THE RULES! The rules are out of order! Th-th-this whole court is out of order! Stupid! Fuck! AUGH!"

"Now that's enough--!" Sun cut himself off when you slammed your rear back into the chair and spun it, rolling it back in the process, and faced the wall. Hands crossed, face red, you slumped in anger and drew in on yourself.

Sun let the silence settle, giving you both time to relax, and for you to come out of your shut down. You pulled out your phone and started blasting aggressive music.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighed wearily. "Y/n, please, I'm sorry," he started, voice calm but raised enough to hear over the music. "I am not trying to treat you less, I'm sorry I made you so angry..." he lifted his head up at a thought. "Wait... why are you so angry? You were furious before, too, when you were coming to check on us."

You didn't answer, but you had lowered your foot and were now bouncing your leg.

"Give it a minute," Moon spoke to Sun. He paused before continuing, a hint of a grin in his voice, "I have to say, it's interesting to see someone put themselves in time out."

"They've shut down, Moonie, you know what a shut down is."

Moon hummed. "They did choose to sit in a chair and face a wall, though."

"Can't you take this seriously?"

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of wheels on the floor. You had gently kicked off from the wall and were now rolling comically slow towards them. You had lowered your music, and still had a pout, eyes downcast, and your arms crossed. You bumped into the desk without a word.

More silence. Sun waited patiently, shoving down the anxiety trying to creep its way up. Nope! Not gonna go there!

Eventually, you swallowed your pride and spoke up. "I'm... sorry," you began slowly. "I lost my cool. It's been a while since I've dealt with... the public... on a, mm, personal level. And I'm sorry I scared the little guy." As you spoke, you turned the chair to sit properly at the desk, placing your elbows on it and clasping your hands.

You then looked up at Sun, and glared. "I'm NOT sorry about standing up for him. As a general thing. Even if I did it wrong."

"I'm on their side." Moon stated matter-of-factually. "...And don't you dare think what I think you'll think of that."

"The only thing I think of that is that you're both a bad influence on each other."

Sun's shoulders slumped. Well, it's a start, at least. He can work with this.

"Again, I'm sorry too, the rules are a bit of a... erm, a big deal to me, to put it simply." Sun stood poised to offer his explanation, even though Moon suddenly turned sour at the mere idea of talking about... that.

Meanwhile, you furrowed your brows, looking down at the desk again. You were also battling with bringing up some vulnerability, and chewed your lip. He did ask, but is it too awkward to bring up now?

You took a deep breath, "Anyway... I lost my cool because... I..." your voice trailed off with a drawn-out croak, but Sun didn't interrupt or interject. It took a minute for you to build your courage again.

"Well... when I was... a kid," you spoke haltingly, taking your time in order to keep your voice and emotions level. "I was... bullied. A lot. Really badly. Just for being weird, I guess, I dunno... And, nobody helped me. So I just, took care of it myself. Or, well, tried to." You glanced back up at Sun, "That's... ssssorta why I had that, uh, kneejerk reaction, when that dude tried to- when he just- when he came at me like that."

Sun and Moon were both listening intently. It wasn't often their human coworkers would open up, and in particular, you had made yourself a bit of an anomaly with your unpredictable statements and odd behaviour - an anomaly that they had taken a liking to, admittedly. Maybe they just liked anomalous people, since it seemed to be a pattern.

"That... doesn't quite explain what made you angry in the first place, though..." Sun said softly, not wanting to accidentally spook you from talking it out.

You sat back, your chin tucked in and your eyes cast down, and crossed your arms. Sun feared he had in fact actually caused exactly what he was trying to avoid, but you spoke back up.

"Yeah... yeah... the bullies... the worst ones were adults."

Boom. Bombshell.

Sun and Moon would have exchanged shocked glances if they had the ability to. Oh yes, they were well aware that adults could be bullies to other adults, including animatronics, but to kids? Unthinkable! The very notion sent their protocols in a little tizzy.

"Teachers, mostly," you continued. You took a deep, shaking breath. "But... then there were, of course... family members. Specifically my parents. Especially when I started getting into fights, oh they hated that. I was an embarrassment to them for not being like..." you waved your hand around, attempting to find the word, emotions building and causing brainfog. "Y'know, uh, demure and-and delicate and sweet and pretty and... and all that sh- crap..."

You settled back into the desk chair, your arms now laid against the arms of the chair. You still didn't look up, and began idly picking and clawing at the ends of said armrests. You took careful, slow breaths, trying to keep from bursting into a fit of some sort - most likely a crying fit, if anything. It'd been a very, very long time since you'd actually talked about all of this, and for precisely this reason.

"So, um, you can imagine - I think you can anyway - the kinds of things they did to try and--"

"They... they what?! They thought THAT was more embarrassing than their child being bullied!?" Sun exclaimed, flabbergasted.

The suddenness of his interjection widened your eyes for a minute, then you gave a laugh - a hollow, awful giggle that was laced with all the anger, hurt, anxiety, and vulnerability you were feeling at the moment.

"Um, yeah!? Kids will be kids, after all," you sneered mockingly. Not at him, but at the past. "I was just overreacting and causing a scene, of course." You slumped into the chair so low you could have easily slid out. "Of course..." you muttered. Your outburst had been sufficient to release all that negative energy you'd been building.

"So um... yeah... that's why I was... prrrrobably more than a little ready to go feral on that guy... He just had that vibe, you know? You know the one."

[hydropyro]

I’ve been seeing a lot about Gale lately so I have been thinking about how Gale and Abdirak may interact.

And I wrote this. I might do one for each of the companions. Maybe not.

Based in “Webs of Fate” story, but is a separate excerpt/ficlet

The wizard was forlorn after the older man had left. Despite everyone seeming cheary enough, something must have gone awry with their meeting. Abdirak had gone for a walk to forage for some mushrooms and alchemical herbs, which he now brought to Gale as an excuse to talk to him.

“Who was that — wizened fellow?” Abdirak asked. Of course he knew who Elminster was. Who didn’t? If anyone could see through his ignorant facade, it would be the wizard.

Gale was not amused, and he did see through Abdirak. He accepted the mushrooms, muttering thanks, though he was still broody.

“You look like you’ve received unfortunate tidings, child.” The Paingiver said, searching the tautness of the wizard’s expression. “Does it pertain to the orb in your chest?”

Gale gave a sigh and nodded, not looking at the Loviatan.

“I can lend an ear.”

The wizard had not been fond of the Paingiver in their journey, but he was a pleasant and cordial man all around so they weren’t at odds. Gale still did not trust Abdirak’s motivations — which hardly made sense because he’d been very open as to his reason for being there, and a ‘desire to help’ was not quite it.

“We believe the center of the Absolute Cult will be at Moonrise towers when we get there,” the wizard said. “Mystra wants me to destroy it when we find it.”

“By suicide?” That surprised the Loviatan. Gale had been a Chosen of the Goddess of Magic. Whatever his mistakes, he was no doubt valuable.

The wizard nodded, his expression grim. “Can I ask for your opinion?”

Two surprises in one day. Abdirak considered it probably prudent for them to rest for the remainder of the day, despite the sun still being high in the sky, lest that count become three. “You want to know what I would do?”

“Few in this group understand the relationship one has with their god. There’s Shadowheart of course but—”

“I would do it.” Abdirak said without thought. “But,” he added, holding up a finger, “that does not mean that I believe you should.

“Much of what I have heard regarding your — condition — has been second hand. Would you be comfortable telling me the tale?”

The wizard frowned. “If you would, why shouldn’t I?”

The Paingiver only hummed. “You make some tea and meet me at my tent.”

He started away before the wizard could respond, but heard the other man say, “I am not going to let you hit me.”

Abdirak only laughed.

•••

Despite his reservations, Gale appeared at the Paingiver’s tent a short time later, two mugs of tea in hand. He passed one to Abdirak, saying, “It’s mint. And some other things. Rosemary, etcetera.”

“Perfect.” Abdirak gestured for him to enter and indicated a cushion he had sitting on the far side of his small tent where the wizard should sit. He himself knelt on the ground, resting back on his heels. He waited for Gale to situate himself, sipping the steeped tea quietly.

“It’s very tidy in here,” the wizard said, making awkward conversation. The Loviatan knew that he meant nothing by the comment, but he had enjoyed the way the intelligent man could stumble over his own words.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

The wizard gulped hard on his tea and cleared his throat, shaking his head. “No, just an observation.”

Abdirak hummed. “Tell be about your condition, Gale.”

The Paingiver listened attentively while Gale explained how he had obtained the orb. Child prodigy who had caught the attention of the Goddess of Magic from a very young — prepubescent — age. Devout worshiper. As a young adult he had become the goddess’s lover and Chosen. He had begged for more from the goddess — not power, but access to the Weave — to experience, study, and further his devotion. When being denied, Gale sought to prove himself by returning a piece lost to the goddess. She scorned him and denounced him. Should he detonate the orb at the time of confronting whatever controlled the growing Absolute Cult, Mystra would forgive him for his greed.

Abdirak sat quietly and digested the wizard’s tale a long while after. “What is Mystra going to forgive you for?”

“For disobeying her. For trying to go around her.”

“Is that what you were doing?”

The wizard frowned. “Not exactly. I wanted to — please her. I wanted to show her that I was worthy by finding and delivering that part of her that she lost so long ago. She's been through so much.”

“It wasn’t a part of her, though.” Abdirak said.

“Well, I didn’t know that. By the time I realized it was already burrowing into my chest.”

The Paingiver nodded. “I can see it causes you a great deal of physical pain.”

“It does. It feels like it is gnawing away at me.”

“And so you were removed from being her Chosen. How do you serve her now?”

Gale shook his head. “I was removed entirely.”

“You aren’t a devout?”

“Well,” Gale paused. “I am — but she won’t have me.”

Abdirak nodded. “One would think she does not care for you. It must be difficult to have gone from her lover to — nothing. It seems she did not love you.”

“I understand pain is your — forte — but I would thank you not to prod that particular wound.” Gale said, making the Loviatan chuckle.

“Force of habit,” the Paingiver explained, taking another long drink of his tea. “But — avoiding a festering wound does not make it heal faster, nor alleviate its pain.”

“How do you know that Loviatar loves you?” The wizard asked defensively. “You said you would do what I’m being asked.”

“Oh, she doesn’t.”

The wizard balked. “You would kill yourself for someone who doesn’t even care about you?”

The Loviatan considered how best to explain it to the man. “The gods — they are not like us. They do not care for us in the way we may care for one another. Indeed, in the way we care for them.

“I suppose you could equate it to — a business partnership. Loviatar does not love me, Abdirak, the man. But she loves my utility as her Pain.” His hand fell to the scourge ever coiled at his hip. “When broken down to its parts, my love and devotion to her comes down to her utility to me, too.”

“You can indulge in pain without Loviatar,” the wizard argued.

“And you can use magic without Mystra. But it wouldn’t be quite as satisfying, would it?”

“You are useful, Gale Dekarios. You would not have been made Mystra’s Chosen and her lover had you not been.

“Yes, you are wayward, but even your mistakes were driven by your desire to serve her.

“While you may not ever be invited to — warm,” he frowned, “do gods have beds to warm?”

“I’d rather not discuss that with you,” Gale said quickly.

The Pain eyed him carefully, enjoying the wizard’s discomfort under his stare. “Another time, perhaps. I am so curious.”

“Aren’t you with Alakvyr?” The man tried to deflect the conversation.

The Pain laughed, “I wasn’t asking for a demonstration.”

The flustered wizard waved an agitated, dismissive hand. “Can we get back to the conversation? Why would you do it?”

“If my Goddess asked me to end my own life, I have every belief that it is because the benefits of doing so outweighed my utility to her.”

“And why can’t Mystra feel the same?”

“Because she has shown that you have no value. Your utility to her is nonexistent.

“I am not familiar with Mystra, Gale, and I do not seek to blaspheme your goddess.

“In asking this of you she is not asking the acclaimed Arch Wizard, Gale Dekarios.“ The wizard’s eyes flicked away but Abdirak continued. “Mystra is not asking for the life of a follower who gravely wronged her nor a hero who will save the world.

“She is asking a little boy who was told how special he was, a young man who she took into her arms — not because gods need it, but no doubt to control him further —until he didn’t do exactly as she liked.

“She’s offering you ‘forgiveness’ for your efforts to be a worthy follower — following the punishment you’ve already long suffered of stripping you of your power and title and leaving you in the cold with a painful condition that threatens to destroy you and anything near you.

“She believes that only you can stop the Absolute Cult, and yet offered no information as to what it is that you will face?

“She can send her who is considered the most powerful wizard in the realms to give you a message, but not aid you in this?” Abdirak snorted quietly. “Your life has value.”

Gale raised his eyes to Abdirak again, his eyebrows up as if he was surprised to hear it.

“There are many gods who would welcome your talents with open arms—” Abdirak held up a hand before the man could protest, “I am not proselytizing.

“There is no guarantee this course of action will save anyone. Truly, if the blast is as devastating as you suggest, it will undoubtedly harm many.

“So who all will benefit? Not you, you’ll be dead. Not anyone nearby who helped you get to that point. They will, also, be dead — all of your companions, because it’s not going to be easy to access whatever it is — you’ll have to fight your way in, no doubt.

“Only she does. Her wayward pet brought to heel and an artifact she fears destroyed.

“My advice is that you lean on those around you who see your worth and treat you accordingly.”

The men stared at one another for a long while, neither speaking. He could almost see the gears working in the intelligent man’s head.

“Besides,” Abdirak said, smiling at the man, “You can’t suffer the sweet agonies of life if you’re dead — what a waste that would be.”

“That was proselytizing,” The wizard said, though he had a small smile.

“Force of habit.”

Gale groaned as he started to pull himself to his feet. Others may have thought him older than he was by the way he moved, by the little sounds of discomfort he made throughout his day — but Abdirak knew pain. This was a young man living with an incredible pain and hiding it away.

“Thank you, Abdirak.” The wizard was upright now, so the Pain also stood. Gale held out a hand to accept Abdirak’s nearly empty mug. “You’re — a bit different—”

Abdirak laughed. It was not the first, nor would it be the last, time he’d heard that. Despite the tone, he knew it was not necessarily a compliment.

“But,” Gale was saying, “I appreciate you. And I’m glad you joined us.”

“It has been interesting.” Abdirak put a gentle hand on the wizard’s shoulder and lifted the tent flap so he could leave. “Should you ever wish to learn about the delicate intricacies of pain, I am always eager for a willing student.”

“I doubt I will take you up on that.” The wizard said, his tone pleasant nonetheless. He gave the Pain a quick nod in farewell, his hands full, before turning to go back to his own tent.

[motownfiction]

the promise

Whenever things get difficult, Will reminds himself of the promise he made to his girls when they were born.

I’ll always be there for you, he said to each and every one of them, eldest daughter to only granddaughter. You’ll never lose me.

And no matter what happens, it will never stop being true. His girls could do anything, anything at all, and Will would still show up for them. It’s what he’s best at. Yet, there are … times. There are times when he doesn’t know what to say, and he knows anything that comes out will be the wrong thing. Like right now, sitting across from Elenore at the dinner table. Elenore, his thirty-nine-year-old daughter, who just told him she’s dating – really dating! – Charlie, the father of her child, a man fourteen years her senior … which wouldn’t feel like a problem if he hadn’t been Will’s childhood friend.

Elenore swears it’s different this time. It looks like Lucy believes her, which doesn’t shock Will. Lucy’s been working overtime to show Elenore she’s on her side since the day she came home and told the family she was pregnant. Emma looks like she’s holding back a (disrespectful) laugh. Will can’t stop gripping his fork.

“Uh-huh,” he says. “Why isn’t he here?”

“I asked him not to be,” Elenore says. “I wanted to talk to you without him. I thought it would be easier, and that you’d be less likely to kill him.”

Will laughs.

“OK, fair enough,” he says. “If you love him …”

“I do love him.”

“Well, then, it makes sense you wouldn’t want him dead.”

Will blinks and tries to picture Elenore as a baby. It’s not hard. She was perfect then, as she is now. But as a baby … she was tender. She needed that promise.

When he looks into her eyes, she is still as tender as she was then. She still needs that promise, and she’ll never stop.

“You were curled up in a ball,” Will says. “You were curled up in a ball, and you wouldn’t stop crying.”

“I was twenty-one,” Elenore says. “I barely knew anything about anything. I still wasn’t really over my first breakup with Sean.”

“And you’re over your divorce from him now?”

Elenore gives him a look. Will knows he’ll apologize to her later. Everybody’s got their hang-ups from growing up Catholic, whether they want to admit it or not. Will’s is divorce.

“It’s been three years,” Elenore says. “I’m an adult. And I love Charlie. It’s not the same as it was then. Veronica … it’s different for her, too. Everyone knows who they are. Or … or, they’re trying to.”

“And what if Charlie changes his mind again?” Will asks.

“Will,” Lucy says. “Don’t put thoughts in her head.”

“No, Mom, it’s OK,” Elenore says. “I’ve thought about it, too. And the truth is, I know we might not last forever. And I … I’m OK with that. Because I’m happy now. Can’t you understand that? Can’t you understand now?”

But all Will can see is tenderness … tenderness and the fear to let her go, to let her fall, when he made her that promise.

“You hemorrhaged,” he says. “When you had Veronica, you hemorrhaged. And I was there the whole time.”

“That could have happened if Veronica had a different father,” Elenore says.

“Yes, but he wasn’t there, Elenore. He was with Carrie. And his son. He didn’t choose you then.”

“He’s choosing me now. That was a very, very long time ago. Everything that’s happened since then …”

“I still grew up with him! He was still my friend!”

“Will,” Lucy says. “Don’t do this. She’s nearly forty. She can make up her mind.”

“Yeah,” Elenore says. “And really, who cares? I already had a kid with him. It’s not like you haven’t had to think about it before. And you didn’t freak out half as much when Emma came home and told us she was dating Michael, and Daniel is her godfather.”

“That was different,” Will says. “We always knew it was a possibility. We just weren’t really counting on it, considering Michael is so … kind of boring. No offense, Emma, baby.”

“None taken,” Emma says. “We’re learning spontaneity.”

Elenore sighs. Will tries to understand it from her point of view, but all he can think about is the horror of watching your daughter, the baby you risked everything for, curl up in a ball and cry because the man she loves doesn’t love her. And he’s supposed to believe that things are different now? That because Charlie says he loves her, he means it?

The look in Elenore’s eyes – those beautiful eyes she got from Lucy, those beautiful eyes Will has never been able to look away from – says yes. He’s supposed to believe it all, or at least pretend like he does.

He remembers the promise again. That he’ll always be there for Elenore. That she’ll never lose him. And she won’t, either.

“OK,” Will says. “I’m listening.”

(part of @nosebleedclub february challenge -- day 4!)

[bugcatcherwill]

Akkala is known for thunder storms at the random and bad times

But if ashen was born from a blizzard even though it was caused by a dragon, it would be funny and adorable if during a bad storm by the lab a lightning strike hits one of the trees outside between the lab and stable and all everyone hears is: a infant crying

For the monsters they recognize it as ashen made the same cry’s when Rezek was suffering and recovering from magic exhaustion in korok forest

Sterre and recksin don’t get it but when zayl rushes without armor outside as it’s the fastest.

where it sees Hobbs being a guard already rushed out to the infant screaming wearing nothing metal and Hobbs met Zayl half way and asks what’s going on thinking the crying is ashen

Only for Zayl to say the storm is so bad that it’s the perfect conditions for a wizzrobe’s birth and the screaming they are hearing is of a newborn wizzrobe and need to find it before electric and thunder wizzrobes in the area sense it and take the child to be raised under the malice

Hobbs realizes as Rezek told Lettie about Ashen’s birth and how malice wizzrobe came to try and take him.

He then rushes back to the stable to get help to look and protect, Zayl then notices the cries again then sees a smoldering broken from the lighting tree and rushes over and sees it got there in time, the baby is still here and when its eyes locked with its the baby stops crying

mentally thanking Rezek for killing the wizzrobe’s elders so there wasn’t much worry about wizzrobe coming to get the baby right away or even will they try at all.

Zayl then scoops up the newborn wizzrobe just as Hobbs was coming back with some adventurers from the stable one having a blanket to wrap the baby in and they head back to the lab.

Ashen is confused: why can’t it go outside!? what was going on?! where did Zayl go?!

And when Kobb is about to explain Zayl comes back in holding the bundle reporting it got there as soon as it could and got it while sledge and Kobb are relieved.

Ashen, recksin and sterre question what’s it

And Zayl shows them and Ashen’s eyes sparkle: in the bundle was a baby electric wizzrobe

Recksin and Sterre both have questions how and where, and sledge explains to them

Robbie already has lab defence mode ready in case wizzrobes attack like they did with Ashen’s birth, purah looking out as well, as Hobbs and other adventurers stand guard.

Zayl hands ashen the baby as Kobb explains to ashen that malice wizzrobes tried to take it from Rezek by force resulting in Rezek using almost all its magic to save ashen from the fate that befallen any newborn wizzrobe taken to the castle by malice wizzrobes

Ashen is horrified and instantly says just like Rezek nothing will take it’s little sibling from it, sledge tells recksin about what goes on in hyrule castle as Sterre knows abit but didn’t know exactly how newborn wizzrobes come into the world and let’s just say recksin wants to see that castle turn into a pile of rubble as it can’t imagine Ashen’s life if that adult wizzrobe it keeps hearing about didn’t save the little pebble

The rest of the night and storm they are in shifts of who is awake and who is asleep, Robbie’s wife gets something for the new baby and asks if they should name the baby or wait for Rezek and link to come back.

Needless to say when link and co get back there is a new baby in the family, and Rezek is glad they saved another child from the malice

THIS IS SO PRECIOUS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

God, that'd be such a good plot hook. I try not to just lift ideas from my asks, but you stuck gold here anon. Thank you c:

That makes me think about how Rezek would very likely be vigilant of thunderstorms. It'd watch from inside the lab, carefully keeping track of anywhere where lightning struck, then looked back the next day to see if anything birthed a new Wizzrobe. And with the Wizzrobe Elders gone it wouldn't be met with nearly the same amount of organized resistance from other Wizzrobes.

[fisheito]

i understand you perfectly!! i think maybe some people have less coordination to catch the bouncy ball brain that can happen when someone's excited and passionate abt smthn is maybe why others have said they have trouble understanding what you mean sometimes? but it made perfect sense to me and YHHEEESS!!!!! YES I WANT YAKUMO TO BE SEEN BY CHICKENS!!!!!!! i think about him as a wee one a lot bc there's SO much sand in the sandbox to make little sandyakus out of. like are forest animals less likely to be wary of him because more yokai (as far as we've seen) are in the forests? COW YOKAI WHEN?? (just olivines halloween costume and i just finished polishing my milk bucket)

thinking of a very scared little snakey boy crying hysterically over a duck flapping at him is so sad but also. too funny im so sorry yakumo. grandma and grandpa have their work cut out for them to not only raise a semi feral child but whatever yard birds they have keep trying to fight and there's only so much you can do while holding a long and terrified child on your hip who may or may not understand the common language at this point!! child yakumo is FASCINATING and i want to know so much more about what they had to deal with, like the only humanity he's ever known was 1) cave murals for him to base his DIY human form and 2) fuckers both small and adult size terrorizing him in the cave

personally! i like the idea that even after operation cave adoption yakumo was pretty immediately in fawn mode and probably had a very deep understanding of behavior that gets smiles and soft touches vs behavior that gets loud and angry (like most full ass human children do) but like? what if he had a biting streak like a lot of other full ass human children do? is it just instinct? does he have fangs?????? (i say yes but im a monsterlover first human third) i also think it would be funny and also sweet if the chickens are PISSED at a snake coming into their yard and their hutch but wait! snake has corn? corn? corn? corn? this snake can stay. i think little yakumo should get to hug a chicken!!! they're very friendly and like people and many of them like to be pet and snuggled it's his right as a country boy to show up at his grandparents and have many excited birds running to see him. ladies LOVE this guy

also grampa harvesting(?? is that the word. collecting. idk) eggs and yakumo helping for the first time and he's like "look :) this is an egg for us to eat. it's how the chickens say thank you for giving them a house :)" and baby yaks just. holds egg every carefully. eyes big with wonder. places a raw ass unwashed still has some straw on it egg into his mouth and swallows it whole. grampa watches his jaw pop in and out of place. grampa needs a smoke after this one. stories to tell eiden while looking at the baby pictures when yakumo is in the bathroom. he comes back to the main room and eidens like "aww yakumo why didn't you tell me you solved your grandparents mouse problem within the first month of you staying here 🥺 that's so sweet" "mmhmm mmhmm. he just slurped them up like spaghetti and i only fainted twice seeing the tail hanging out of his mouth" (yakumo is so embarrassed he levels the entire klein continent)

AND AND speaking of small animals and me having 0 memory of canon did bring it up i DESPERATELY want to know how topper felt the first time he had to meet yakumo. did he get super poofy and do the weasel war dance because predator with essence close to Quincy range? or did he just scamper into the kitchen one day and tug on the hem of yakumos pants like "excuse me papá said you would make me a sandwich" bc we know they can understand each other and that topper is a chill little guy, but just how smooth was the first interaction!!!

i also! feel like i am a bit incomprehensible here ahaha. i think a lot of it is the excitement, and my very scattered attention span and energy levels. we are playing intellectual racquetball. but you are very understandable to me and very funny and very kind! thank you for appreciating the creatureness of yaks and giving him lots of thought and love and chickens. and for allowing me to put this long ass ask in your box 🩷🐟

I AM ADDING TO UR LONG ASS ASK WITH MY LOMG ASREPLY wEEEEE

i didn;t think any of that was incomprehensible but then again who am i to act as a baseline for comprehension sfoijiseojclokls thank u for ur long ass ask every paragraph filled me with visions and made me engage in More THan Just Sensible Chuckle

(side note: i kno we all joke about olivine being cow but . kinda makes sense. they're curious and intelligent... they have complicated social structures and bffs... they are gentle but also tanks and will destroy u if that is their true desire. does olivine like being brushed? i'll have to wait to find out)

-i cannot believe it didn't click but grandma and granpa rly DID raise a feral baby. i always wonder how lil yaku ... ebven formed his human body? like, what informed his knowledge of human anatomy? behaviour? processes and??? uhhh i'll just pretend it was magical Great Serpent generational knowledge embedded in his DNA or smth bc aint no way yaku learning how to be People from the bullies, like u said 😥

DO SNAKES MOUTH ON THINGS? like, gnaw on things with their gummy litl mouths to figure out the world? i know they usually use their tongue to investigate but the image of a baby snake... who doesn't know that a certain food item is too big for them... so they keep trying to eat it from diff angles. but it's not working and tehy're not venomous so their only weapon is to squeeze something , which is not helpful in subduing the stationary giant food item but i guess this is the point where they try to figure out how to unhinge their jaw properly (technique is important!!) so. i guess they succeed in the end? How big is too big for an unhinged snake jaw?? child yakumo pouting because he can't eat an entire pampo in one bite? 😅

-desperately necessary visual: yakumo and eiden pulling up to the ol' farm in their carriage. they disembark. eiden spots the ladies (hens) running from the horizon. the chickens keep comin'. some are HAULING FEATHERY ASS. some are more casual trotters. eiden starts to recognise the speed demons in the flock (he will name them and narrate a race in his head every time they visit). yakumo is surprised they recognise him, even tho they do this EVERY TIME he visits. he promptly gives them snacks from his stash.

re: topper... i'd guess that since topper met yakumo post-eiden, he wouldn't register yaku as a threat. yaku has chilled out by that point, and always smells like tasty human food. WAS THERE A CANONICAL MOMENT ALREADY DISCLOSED WHERE TOPPER MET YAKUMO FOR THE FIRST TIME??? I DO NOT KNOW. topper just seems abnormally chill and friendly sooo I shall guess that topper would survey the vibes of yakumo and go "that seems like. a quiet fella. smells like meat. will he give me treats? paPA, does he provide treats???" quincy: idk go ask topper: NOICE (hops off to investigate yakumo's treat quotient) so drama-free. finally someone who speaks your language. both squeaks AND food 🥰

anyway your entire ask is just a compilation of things i need to see PLEASE FORTHE LOVE OF SNAKES the images are so vivid. so cute. i simply must (clenches fists) (clenches toes)

[tomyo]

Oshi no Ko and Celebrity (more specifically child celebrity with a large tangent on being a public persona)

So in my seasonal anime catch up, I finally watched Oshi no Ko.

Admittedly I was kinda not expecting something that great after they kill off their best character right away. Ai is left to be this great discovering mystery of who was she really when she wasn't being the perfect idol. I can't say I found it extremely profound but if there's something I do like, it makes clear some aspect of the focus on youth in the idol industry.

So like, there's a little bit of ick at points in the series. We meet our adult main character obsessed and possibly in love with a 16 year old idol. Ai herself is quite off putting being treated with some sense of adulthood despite being a teen mom. I still don't know how I feel about Ai overall, she talks in her last moments about wanting to have her kids join her in the industry that quite literally killed her on the day she became an adult. Initially I didn't think much of that aspect until we start to see more characters get added.

We meet characters like the adultified Arima who's already gone through a career fallout by highschool, Minami who is a gravure model (more or less soft lewd photos) already by her freshman year of high school (therefore pressumably started in middle school), Akane who is partially a victim of evil editing, and Memcho pretending to be a teenager to be in the industry (The 20 year age cut off was up until recently the age of legal adulthood in Japan). We see these unusual circumstances where we are meant to recognize these characters as children in questionable situations.

The small arcs Aqua follows in this first season basically all cover where an adult has failed. Questionable agencies trying to hire Ruby, uncaring directors on a show Arima cares deeply about, Akane being unsupported by the adults when she's a victim on online harassment, and so forth.

Aqua is played off as a character with only one goal in mind, to find out who is his biological father so he can get revenge of Ai's death. He's already been long worn down by the industry possibly from a mix of being a reborn adult, growing up with an idol mother, and then after working is the industry in the background while trying to learn of it to find out how to find his father. In contrast to Ruby's eye spark of naive hope for the industry, his eye tends to be sullen and turn black, particularly when he is manipulating the industry for his results.

However, Aqua tends to have a secret secondary goal that he himself isn't fully conscious of which is to not let someone else fall into the situation Ai found herself in. He will avoid connection while also leading change when something harms the other youth talent around him such as flipping the script to give Arima the performance she wanted for her favourite scene or organizing Akane's redemption PR with her castmates. Side note, plenty of talent industry stories tend to focus on ideas that performers hold beef and rivalry with each other all the time where thus far, Oshi no Ko has made that more of an outlier rather having cast members being extremely supportive of each other's work while the higher up are more so the problem. Even things like the maybe one good adult, Yoriko (the mangaka) still wanting to appreciate the adaptation of her series even if it was a subpar production shows how meaningful these relationships tend to be on a human level. Either way, it is always satisfying to see how Aqua try to foster a healthier industry with his more mature understanding.

So manga spoilers from here on out.

Akane's analysis of Ai was the first moment it occurred to me that Oshi no Ko had anything decent to say about the entertainment industry. Ai always gave off the energy of an unrestrained child which is actually what she turns out to be. She is a product of parental abuse who was scouted at the vulnerable age of 12 and quickly was hailed as a major success in that industry, certainly nothing short due to the fact she puts on an excitable and childish personality. She treats her pregnancy with coy jovialness as being described that she might be too small to naturally birth children. She has to be taught concepts like it's okay to say "I Love You" even if you don't mean it. When I play through her scenes, all I can feel is this weird contradiction of childish naivety mixed with disciplined skill. At home she dresses in this motherly way while acting very ditsy while being fully in control as an idol. She somewhat reminds me of the weathernews idol Saya Hiyama, ironically who is in her own scandal right now. If I were to picture Ai's smile in real life, I would imagine it the same as Saya Hiyama's with the always perfectly v like smile showing off her yaeba teeth. Giving this false sense of vulnerability with the watcher when she makes a mistake when she makes a mistake on the weather is somewhat I see Ai to be like except with a more mischievous air.

For another [long] side tangent, being in a personality industry, its interesting to see how fans fail to recognize a curated persona. Back when I spent more time as a cosplayer, I had learned how to act out a persona not only to be in character but also to attract others to you. Maybe the slight ill feeling this series gives me is the reminder of my own experiences as a teen to early adult delicately balancing a believable relatable image while showing only part of myself. There was some sense of that emptiness I felt like Ai's where there was disconnect between the loving emotions I would portray to reality of how unattached I felt (now I know I have BPD though). My relation to the characters lies somewhere between Ai and Memcho. Ai being more like my younger self where as Memcho hits pretty close with her tomboyish look, the bleached hair with the roots growing in, and the bubbly personality and bone structure that helps you get away with appearing younger. It's been a joke among my friends the last few years that I get mistaken for still being in my early to mid 20's despite nearing 30 in a few months and moreso, as an underweight 20 year old, I had experienced a lot of leering eyes determined to believe I was as young as 14 for bizarre and creepy reasons. Some aspect of that perceived youth gives me haunting memories and frustration of arrested development where I struggle to be treated as an adult while on the other side it is in fact part of my current business. One thing that is less thought about artist alley is that you do in fact make choices weather to buy or not based on the seller as well. It's not too rare to see kawaii artists invoking the same energy their art gives in how the present themselves. It's come to the point where I tend to spend a few hundred on a dye and cut right before a new show as well as there being a select wardrobe I pick from every trip I go on. I have a makeup bag always on the ready of some easy to put on products I rarely use outside of events and often a much more larger amount of hair tools to get something of a proper styling. These are things I wear because I love them but they are also almost exclusively used to match the appearance of my booth. Likewise, there is a semi exaggerated persona put on to create a welcoming air to my customers that is tweaked to match the energy of different types. Over Sakuracon, there was an embarrassing moment where I called out to a tiktoker while still switched into a more boisterous energy from a previous customer that I had yet to switch out off and horribly scared them off. It also tends to be easier to pull of this energy during or right after talking to fellow artists as it helps build up the approachable personality, its like we are all doing warm ups together. When I see people like Saya Hiyama pull off multiple instances of being so embarassed that she trips over her words with a big giggly smile, I truly admire the persona but am a bit shocked how much people have bought into it being fully real. Especially in the internet age, its very interesting to watch the gap between the viewpoint of creators and fans/consumers. While I'm much more of a smaller niche online personality, I do have behind the scenes experience with instragrammers in the 70k-160k range and the various parasocial experiences they have gone through. It's also a space where you get so accustomed to the mentality of an influencer (for lack of a better word) that it's hard to deal with someone not versed in that space; either from people who take internet clout as a vanity hobby or those who are actively seeking online privacy. Ai's double nature of being seen as the genius idol while feeling like a deceiving liar resonates pretty deeply on this front. There is a lot of sacrifice in identity that you give your fans in order to in return earn their respect and by extension business. Like Ai, I try to keep some note of regulars I meet at events but with going to multiple back to back events, it can get hard to keep hold of all that information.

Tumblr told me enough of this tangent so we'll move onto the short manga talk I meant to give.

From reading the wiki, It turns out that the twin's father is another actor who was molested in his childhood and in fact birthed a child at 11 as a result of that rape. Seeing as he is also the big bad, it points to the fact the focus on the story is not just the trauma industry workers go through but more specifically the abuse of power younger workers tend to face. While Aqua at current seeks revenge, I would not be surprised if the end goal is to process the line of trauma that has been dealt through out the show. Even if Aqua is a teenager, his previous life is thus far the oldest in terms of lived experience and possibly even older than Aqua's father at the present. He's had the most lived experience and the most chance to also live outside of entertainment that others have more so grown up in. The twin's father is currently an abuser most likely from the result of his own unprocessed abuse and to allow a new generation to grow up in a better industry than he or Ai did, it starts with stopping the past from repeating. Ultimately I think the best end state for Aqua is likely going to be some form of Manager or talent public relations keeper. The show doesn't necessarily show any sign of something like that but that would be the best route for such things.

Ultimately Japan's idol culture in reality needs to change as well as checking our parasocial expectations of celebrities. It's fair to have some critical views on celebrities in terms of say ethics but it's also important to keep in mind that anything put out in the world has some biased narrative, especially if its any form of production. The reality Ai portrayed as a dedicated idol was a lie, the reality LoveNow showed of Akane being a selfish girl was a lie. Maybe the most important lesson I've learned is not to put stock in anything that revolves around the presentation of a real person. Often I will admire and adore fictional creations but not it's creator for this reason. Those images of people you've never met on a personal level never hold up to the truth and can be hurtful on both ends. People are not myths, they are humans.

[musingsofaperpetualdaydreamer]

The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology first listen 🎧🪻✨

More than 15 years later wow it still feels so magical to listen to a brand new album. The joy, the excitement, the nervousness. I mark chapters of my life with her albums, they always seem to arrive with perfect timing. Is it fate or delusion? Probably the later, obviously she has no idea who I am. Idk it feels nice to delude myself now and again that we’re all journeying through this time together in some connectedness (is that a word?). It feels sort of nostalgic in some ways, from being just a child to now an adult, it’s like Sesame Street that grows up with you. Not a great analogy but what I mean to say is it holds a special place to me.

This album, this anthology feels much like we’ve been handed her diary, filled with sticky notes bound together, it’s so raw but so expertly crafted, messy feelings but the penmanship is exquisite. From her debut album, it’s always been poetry. She transports you to her world. What a journey, what a joy, what a gift.

I like to capture my first thoughts of each song in my silly chicken scratching written notes. Most of it makes no sense. It feels like a nice silly tradition and it’s fun to look back on. So here goes:

Fortnight

- It’s giving moody 1989??? Excuse me miss?!!! Ohhh she knows. Preach bye time to cry

The tortured poets department

- Ooooh we’re in an 80s dreamscape. Yes yes yes. Who’s gonna love you but me? A fluffy dreamland Patty smith? Insert wait I understood the reference meme. Ooooh it’s lovely. I am sad

My boy only breaks his favourite toys

- excuse me?? I’m shattered byyyyyeee. I’ll tell you that he runs because he loves me?? You should’ve see him when he first saw me? Once I fix me he’s gonna miss me??? Ladies and gents welcome to afternoon tea on the menu SCALDING hot queen’s special. Maybe I’m a crumpled up paper on the floor. Maybe I am no more.

Down Bad

- well damn she’s said the quiet parts out loud again. Oh smokes time to dissapear into this galaxy smoky cloud of night. One of us. One of us. One of us.

So long London

- literally standing by the river in the rain. May as well cry my damn eyes out . Darn it blondie. Poetic destruction. Crying my eyes out by the water like I’m in made in Chelsea. Darn.

But daddy I love him

- a folklore ode? Little house on the prairie Princess revolution. Serve it up serve it up I’m ready to be stuffed like a winter pig. A grown up love story. It’s ridiculous and maybe wise eyes know too well it’s chockablock of red flags but darn I’m a cheesin’ this is so cute.

Fresh out the slammer

- oh it’s like August but dark. August dark afternoon blistering hot and the storm is about to come.

Florida!!! Ft Florence and the machine

-ExXUSE MEEEEEEEeE?????!?!!?teee heee heee heeee. Your home’s really only a town you’re a guest in??? Sorry can’t speak my jaw has shattered. Pls pls. Palm tree pls.

Guilty as sin?

- A false God dreamy haze confessional? With sprinkle of Gold Rush??? I am a melted.

Who’s afraid of little old me?

- The who’s who of who’s that is poised for the attack? But my bare hands paved their path, you don’t get to tell me what’s sad? - I AM CHOKED. Silenced mute. Ohhhh miss blondie is on BUSINESS. TELL THEM SWEETIE. Oh my heart 💔

I can fix him (No really I can).

- Oooh moody blues preaching with generous dash of delusion? Ah yes my routine favourite beverage. I am drinking this up like air. Drunk on false hope? One of us. One of us. One of us.

Loml

- You Holy Ghost you told me I’m the love of your life. Oh no I’m crying again. Back to crumpled paper rocking back and forth on the floor in a ball it is. It’s so pretty yet, shattering. Devastating. I wish I could unrecall how we almost had it all. Dancing phantoms on the terrace, are they second hand embarrassed that I can’t get out of bed ‘cause something counterfit is dead? Yep that’ll do it.

I can do it with a broken heart?

- Oh damn. Honey nooooo. Oh myyyy. Oh I’m in this picture and I don’t like it. It’s so artfully done, so upbeat and Poppy yet so hauntingly sad. Yes that’s the point but it’s sooo well done. Oh sweetie. I can’t stop laughing it’s not funny, it’s just you too pumpkin. I wanna hug her and tell her it’ll be fine. Ok ok.

The smallest man who ever lived

- Oh I’m speechless. And I don’t even want you back, I just want to know, if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal. The bridge? Excuse me while I sink to the bottom of the darkest ocean.

The alchemy

- Oooh it’s so cute and dreamy. I’m beaming you can hear her smile when she sings.

Clara bow

- Oooh it’s the lucky one grown up. The bridge is a masterpiece. It’s hell on earth to be heavenly, thems the breaks it don’t come gently. She knows she’s a star, The never ending cyclical wheel of stardom, even the shiniest, ends with a new star born in its shadow.

The black dog

- Oh No no no I Am 1 billion percent destroyed. Byeeeee

Imgonnagetyouback

- Oooh blondie is on the prowl and what can I do but bop like the well stuffed clown I am. Insert meme of cat bopping their head.

The albatross

- Banjo? Haunting country cautionary tale? - scathing review of one’s reputation, worst traits but underneath it all is just vulnerability. Caged for ‘monstrosity’ but being so vulnerable and just wanting to be freed loved. The ‘monster’ trying to protect the one they love from the things that will come for them too? Do they even realise it? Do they care? Wow it’s poetically beautiful.

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

- Oh it’s sad. If you wanna break my cold cold heart, just say I loved you the way that you were? Oh myyy. Replaying old moments, looking for clues wondering if it can all have a new ending? Wow.

How did it end?

- Wow the invasiveness of empathy of the innate curiosity of wanting to know, so you can something comforting, learn from it but you forget how it can be the worst part, having to offer up a ‘post mortem’ to all when you’ve barely even processed its ended yourself. The cyclical nature of it happening every time like it’s just a formal process we’ve come to accept even though it haunts us all. Ironically as we listen to this. Wow so beautifully done.

So high school

- I wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you, and in a blink of a crinkling eye, I’m sinking, our fingers entertwined. Awww the sort of bubblegum silly feels you roll your eyes but you have the biggest smile on your face. It’s soo cute. You know how to call, I know Aristotle.

I hate it here

- Oooooh tell me something awful like you’re a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy. One of us. One of us.

ThanK you aIMee

- Oh my goodness it’s grown up mean but she made it out. It’s so sad but I’m beaming. I say that’s my baby and I’m proud. Andrea? Oh thank you next. Not the kid. I’m cackling.

I look in people’s windows

- Oh it’s haunted death by a thousand cuts glimmering of desperate false hope. It’s lovely.

The prophecy

- Oh. Damn yep that’ll do it. Right in the ticker. Damn. It feels very much like am I doomed to always be the one before the one? Wow. Just yeah.

Cassandra

- I don’t know why but this makes think of safe and sound. Like the woman that was there when everything burned around them. She’s telling her side. Everyone’s there to watch you burn, screaming your guilt but silent when they’re wrong? If that ain’t the truth miss. Oh wow. Shes beautifully captured such a dark chapter.

Peter

- Oh wow it’s beautiful. It’s like post cardigan and she’s all grown up. 'Cause love's never lost when perspective is earned. But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light. Oh wow it’s wow.

The Bolter

- Oh we must stop meeting like this but it always ends with a town car speeding. Wowowow. It feels like the time she fell through the ice, then came out alive. Oh my a BEAUTY.

Robin

- Oh it’s so pretty. It’s like never grow up, safe and sound and seven swirled together. Wow. It’s like she’s talking to her child but then also herself in the past and present, like from an older perspective? Ohhh it’s beautiful. Why does this make me think of coraline’s real mother watching her sleep? I wanna cry.

The manuscript

- Wow god it’s beautiful. Another time travel song. You keep revisiting past in your mind and you gain perspective and then you realise you aren’t that version of you that lived it anymore. You can feel it still, not as deeply perhaps but you’re disconnected from thinking the way you did at that time or after. Is sobering and haunting. The healing. Wow wow wow.

@taylorswift thank you my love 💕

[jazzypizzaz]

Red White and Royal Blue

*deep sigh* read the book twice in a row, watched the movie twice, want to complain about them but also can't stop reading the fanfic even though only I've only read a couple that capture what I want but anyway might as well lean in so... fine. here's some rambling thoughts under the cut

what I liked better about the movie:

tighter narrative (book went on way longer than it needed to)

smoothed over or cut out all the parts I found most cringey/over-indulgent... especially pop culture & real life political references

the public image/role of Alex made way more sense - like yes he's worried his relationship "scandal" (& that word wasn't used in the movie! thank you!) impacts his mom's campaign/image, but it's not built up as a huge deal that he's bisexual. yes the media still gets carried away with the dumbest shit, but the First Son isn't treated on the same level of importance as like actual political figures

cutting Rafael Luna. ok I love the character!!! & his relationship with Alex but c'mon the idea he'd infiltrate Richard's office was so so dumb. no serious, intelligent politician would think that would be effective let alone go through with it

Alex & the Texas strategy was a more direct way to show his ambition and passion, it felt like a more authentic expression than his role in the book

the shifts in their relationship felt more organic. I didn't buy Alex still felt they were rivals in the book as long as he did, or that he ever thought they were keeping it casual. I liked the shift from physical to romantic in the movie, as fast as it was in the book it sometimes felt jarring to me

tbh the way identity was treated in general - always impacting the characters & their motivations, but not expressed in hamfisted statements or OTT angst or *as* tokenistic as the book could be. I feel like this especially with Alex as biracial but admittedly not my place

kept a fantasy romantic tone throughout without the jarring relationship to real world politics

the way the turkey scene didn't 100% crib from the West Wing episode lmao

Zahara and Amy and Ellen were incredible side characters. absolutely perfect, no notes.

what I liked better about the book

Alex was a lot rougher around the edges - overworking & pushing to prove himself, being "too much" with talkativeness and messy big emotions, bright as a fire burning too hot too hard too fast... he's able to be fully himself with Henry in a way that he holds back or scares off other people!! it's important for their relationship dynamic!

in the movie he was kind of a lovable friendly jock type with some insecurity, but not the same level of unbridled need to prove he's good enough (he's a Blaine archetype in some key ways imo ok, that's dear to me)

in part because he had a more complicated relationship with his parents in the book, being a child of divorce, living with his mom who is understandably more career focused as Pres than paying attention to her (adult) children, and his dad living across the country also busy with his own political stuff...

I can only picture Oscar as Jimmy Smits which is entirely because of West Wing. movie Oscar was fine this is purely a personal problem

no loose ends with the emails leak??? felt like there could have been more resolution/explanation of that in the movie!!

THE LETTERS!!! THE INTENSITY THE ROMANCE THE YEARNING when they are separated... I don't think there was a good way to better incorporate this in a movie but it's the Entire reason I fell in love with the book despite its many shortcomings

THE REFERENCES TO GAY HISTORY, the weight of there have always been queer people, that Henry/Alex's love is specific & individual & special but also nothing new, it's rooted in deep human tradition just as much as quote unquote family values, but what IS revolutionary is the role they can play in this history for the next generations of queer people... ("history huh" was fantastic in the movie but I missed the quotations in the letters)

Pez, Bea, Nora... completely made into devices solely to support Alex & Henry in the movie without any effort to make them seem like their own people with their own shit going on... I mean the book wasn't super effective at this but at least it tried to make them characters if somewhat cardboard. like Pez was in the movie solely to not make Nora a third wheel. ok. nora & bea were conventional women more or less. (June was barely a character in the book, although I liked her existence in general) & I missed Nora and Alex's bisexual friendship. felt true to my own experience

what I liked about both

History, huh?

text convos

Alex's bisexuality. they have different flavors of discovery between book and movie, but the journey is still there in both. He connects the dots of past experiences that he's been ignoring, he puts a name to this part of himself for the first time, his feelings for Henry help him confront it but aren't the sole evidence by far... it's more show less tell in the movie, but fits that narrative

everything Henry <3 darling

the playfulness and flirting between them

[baby-zakarii]

Arts and Crafts (and a snack in between)

@oxxmtdewxxo I did it... I finished Regressor!Rohan and Cg!Tonio fic... It's really short and probably out of character, but I'm still proud of it! 🦋

- Google exists in this au because they need it

- It's completely platonic, but can be read as pre-romantic relationship I guess

Tonio Trussardi's restaurant was empty. It was a rare sight, he had to admit - but he didn't mind. He had so many clients everyday that even a few minutes of rest felt really nice. He picked up a cloth to clean one more plate before he decided to read a bit while waiting for his clients.

He opened the last volume of "Pink Dark Boy" (he was a fan after all, just like half of Morioh) - and as soon as he did that, he heard a doorbell ring. He smiled as he saw Rohan Kishibe himself enter his restaurant.

- Buon giorno, Rohan-sensei! - he smiled. - Sit down and I'll prepare a perfect breakfast for you!

- Morning - Rohan murmured. He took a seat and immediately pulled out a sketchbook. Tonio was a bit confused - normally Rohan Kishibe would seem like a very confident, if not arrogant man. But there was something different in his attitude. Rohan started drawing a sketch, but his hands were visibly trembling - in fact, he looked like a child learning to hold a pencil properly. Tonio decided to not pay attention to this. After all, artists were often peculiar people.

He went to the kitchen and started making a cornetto with marmalade. He figured out that a busy artist like Rohan might have muscle pains and this meal would treat that in a blink of an eye. After it was done, he went back to serve it to his guest.

- Bon appetit, Rohan-sensei!

- Thanks - Rohan didn't even look up from his sketchbook. He was really focusing hard on drawing a... cat? Dog? It was hard to tell because - to Tonio's surprise - the drawing looked like it was made by a toddler.

- If you don't mind, may I ask what are you working on? - Tonio was really curious now. Rohan looked at him, a bit nervously.

- Puppy... - he finally said in a quiet voice.

- Oh! That's a... very nice puppy, Rohan-sensei! -  Tonio smiled - sure, this dog certainly didn't resemble a dog in any way possible, but he wouldn't say that to one of his clients!

Rohan's face turned slightly red. He didn't respond, but instead took a bite out of his cornetto.

- How do you like it? - Tonio asked.

- It's vewy good - Rohan took another bite. But Tonio noticed a slight lisp in his speech, getting concerned.

- Rohan-sensei, is everything... okay? - he's a bit worried now. - You're acting different than usual...

- Yea, otay - the mangaka responded, seemingly oblivious to Tonio's concern. - Um... you have juice? P'ease?

- Juice...? Why, yes, I can pour you some fresh orange juice if you'd like...

- T'anks - Rohan smiled and continued eating. Tonio once again returned to his kitchen. While his Stand was preparing a drink, the cook made a quick google research for "adult man behaving like a child". There were a few ridiculous results at first,  but after a while of scrolling he stumbled on an article about "age regression". He began reading it and mangaka's weird behavior suddenly started making sense. He must be feeling "little" right now!

By the time Tonio returned with a glass of juice, Rohan managed to finish the drawing and was now munching on a cornetto, his hands covered in jam. Tonio set the glass on a table.

- Woah, you made quite a mess here - Tonio giggled.

- Sowwy, am small today... - Rohan mumbled, his face turning red as he realized his slip up. - Um, I mean...

- It's okay, I understand - Tonio smiled to him gently. - I won't tell anyone, bambino. And you can always use Heaven's Door on me.

-Mmm... No. You nice - Rohan handed him the drawing. - That for you!

- Oh, thank you so much! I'll put it on my fridge.

After Rohan finished eating, Tonio walked him home, listening to artist's excited babbling. And then stayed for a bit, taking care of Rohan before finally putting him down for a nap. Tonio couldn't know that, but in that moment he became mangaka's unofficial caregiver - but he was absolutely fine with it.

[evermoredeluxe]

I just saw what you said about loralie (lorelie?) and I totally agree! finally someone feels the same way I do and doesn't worship her!

like, I'm sorry, but she wasn't a good mom. she was a fun person to grow up with for rori, but I can't think of a single situation where she was acting like a parent where it wasn't fuelled by some self-centered motive.

she didn't like the mirror jess held up to her face when he called her out, so she was being protective over rori and didn't want her to date him.

she refused to ask her parents for help to send her kid to a good school, that she could very much afford if she just got her head out of her ass and tried to have some sort of relationship with her parents.

honestly, her whole 'I also had a difficult upbringing so don't try and tell me what's it like' attitude is disgusting. you didn't have a difficult upbringing, you were a child who made mistakes and got mad when your parents forced you to face the consequences of your actions. and yes, sometimes their approach to things wasn't okay, but she didn't even give them a chance once she was an adult to make things right. she decided they were evil manipulative people who wanted to control her every move, when basing these opinions on the way she saw her parents as a child, so no matter what Emily and Richard did they did it bc they hated her, apparently. and not just parents who were trying their best to help their daughter and grandchild and have them in their lives, no matter how wrong they sometimes are. they were just tying their best.

the whole Dean thing was super weird as well. like basically forcing them into a date, then staying with them for said date, getting mad at rori when she and Dean had sex for the first time and she didn't come running to tell her. at some point I think she was suddenly against their relationship if I remember correctly, and then suddenly she was trying to force them together again bc she didn't like jess.

also the way she reacted when rori decided to travel europe, or to put school on hold for a semester bc she wasn't doing well. or whenever rori didn't come running to her to tell her something. she always reacted like a child who got told they can't have a 3rd piece of cake, and not like an adult. let alone a mother.

God, this turned into this whole anti lorelie rant, which I did not expect to happen. but I just have so many thoughts on lorelie and you're the first person I saw who actually agreed with the basis of why I don't like her

im gonna preface this by saying that i do like lorelai, i don't hate her.

no because i agree with you! my main issue is i feel like she missed out on childhood and was making up for it by living vicariously through rory, and because of this, whenever rory did something lorelai didn't want her to, they had a fight. also, anytime rory made a mistake, it would be blown out-of-proportion and she would have earn forgiveness. being fun is amazing and i do think she is a very competent human being in general but she is also just so immature (and im not talking about when she's being cute, i mean immature with rory).

like right now im on s6, and they are not talking because rory's dropped out. to me, that makes so much sense because that girl is Burnt Out, but nope lorelai wants her to be perfect and live the dream and have everything. you can't force someone to have something if they don't want it! she doesn't even tell her about her engagement, and takes everything everyone is doing around her in bad faith.

i will say i do think richard and emily are controlling and i get why she holds a grudge against them, but if she wants to cut contact then cut it fully. you can't have it both ways - help me whenever my daughter and i are in a bind but im still not going to forgive you and i will shit-talk you. she also is so uncomfortable with being from a rich family, and i think being self-aware about money is extremely important, but the way she approaches the whole thing and acts as if she has renounced the wealth fully makes me mad. like no you have a huge safety net and always will. you are rich and generational wealth is real.