#it made me as sad and thinky as I expected

[hey-sherry]

Act I Thinky thoughts on all of the things, includes screenshots!

I really love these title screens.

I did not expect such snappy dialogue right off the bat, but it's sooo good. Sherlock is his insane self right away and Watson has the patience of a saint. I went D: at the syringes until I realised what they're for lol. I like their dynamic so far, it's pretty much what I thought it would be like and it's good.

Took a moment to ignore the main objective and explored looking for CO references. There's Goliath (I assume), also the Holmes family portrait is so small now lol?, also Sherlock complains about Vogel harassing him but he kept Vogel's mask? Errrrm!

Honestly this game has more Vogel mentions than I ever thought it would. Interesting.

A moment to appreciate the Ukrainian outfits and the accompanying text!

Game time.

This is such an October game.

London is lovely, but I can't help but find it empty, much like Cordona. I really don't know if having open spaces with little to no use is a good choice for story/case focused games like this. I think I would like it more if there were more cases to solve.

So I ran around for a bit, grabbed the really sad side-case (I wonder if it's about their experiences with the war, even though it's framed as child labor issues? The final letter is a little... too sad and personal, and the ruined house with all the childhood stuff made me shudder.)

:'(

Tiny Toby!!!

I squealed happily the moment I could get Watson out of that tweed suit. I like to pretend Sherlock gave him Mycroft's old suit and he just swapped out the tie, ha.

Not much to say about the main story, it follows the og nicely and all the weirdness is ironed out. I love how Watson jumps in to smooth things over when Sherlock fails to read the room and just goes IN on someone. I'm looking forward to replaying to check out how the other dialogues options go!

This was a great moment, the way he goes :DDD when Watson presents him with a new case. QUALITY BONDING TIME

I took this with @deerfests in mind :P

Onwards!

[knighthotel]

so yeahhappy birthday. or something. i always feel weird.. i think i was born to feel weird. i dont feel a single thing even though a second ago i felt really bad. sorry your scum daughter killed your son and he will never be anything to make you proud and now i profit off your death and am constsntly reminded of the memoryof you because it helps me survive. i thinki should pity you. i kinda dont… but you had a hard life too. i hope there is a heaven and theres a bar there just for you. i think i hope that theres endless booze but please dont make me smell it anymore okay? i hope your hair is still long and curly, and i hope you meet my mom somewhere in another life when youre ready. she is really mean to me dad, and she hit me cus i look like you, but i think she just didnt grieve. i hope you two meet again. she still really loves you and gets upset about you being gone. i wish i knew you better dad. i wish you could have given me away at a wedding but you were probably homophobic. i think you would have hurt me too because you drank until you forgot i was your kid or even existed. i hope you can be reborn and have a better, kinder life because you deserve that. thanks for watching stuff with me and fake cooking with me, and buying me pokemon even though we were poor. you bought me pokemon whenever you could and that was nice. when the big bad happened you were a nice daddy and got the dogs off of my puppy. i hope he is playing with you in heaven. you and cricket. i miss my doggies so bad. i miss you really bad. even if i pretend i really hate you or think its funny youre dead. kids were mean to me cus you never went to school with me to talk about your career. and made fun of me because you were dead. i dont think i deserve anything from your name because i am sure mean to you for being dead. i kinda wish i was dead sometimes too. i think im just projecting really hard onto you but i dont want to think about it anymore. i do miss you. i do feel angry about dads. i feel angry that my life is full of grief. i hallucinate you. i hope i disappoint you. i hope im nothing you expected and you look at me with a burning hatred and sadness. there are several people at front influencing me i hope that is obvious lmao

its like even if my dad was still alive he would have pciked beer over me so why do i wanna kms so bad when he wouldnt have made the choice for me. he didnt for my MOMMMMM he wouldnt have for his little princess or whatever. i feel like i make everythign worse. i probably shouldnt have been born. oh well

[canwriteitbetterthanueverfeltit]

I’ve avoided watching stage shows for months bc depression and the lot but now that I watched Black Friday I’m like??? itchin for em

[benchtrio-updates]

You've got Ranmail!

[START ID

Ranboo: Something nice that I've been thinking about is that I was expecting the uk trip to be a new era for content and everything but instead it became a new era for me personally. I finally put my mental health above making content and although it's had its ups and downs I think that I'm leaving the uk a better person and content creator from when I came.

Before I was sometimes forcing myself to do content and to go live and I put off a lot of things and experiences just so that I would be able to stream. And although I still have a lot to go and a lot to improve I'm happy knowing that I'm doing at least a little better than the period of when I first got here :D

I have a lot more planned that I think you guys are going to enjoy and I find lately with my streams and content that when I put a lot less pressure on myself I find that the stream/video turns out to be a lot better. So when I go back it will probably be another cool little era where I meet up with some US content creators as well :D and I'm sad to go but I know I'll be back soon so I'm looking forward to new experiences. Thank you guys for that :)

Sorry I just scheduled when I'm going back and it made me all thinky

It's been tough for me and I kinda had to take a break the first 2 or so months I got here lol but it's been honestly the most fun I've had in a while :D we still have a month to go so I'm going to try to make up for that small break I took

I'm very excited for what we all have in store hehehe

END ID]

[elvendorx]

Do you think James and Sirius would ever keep secrets from each other? It’s really just my gut feeling but I think James wouldn’t. However, I’m not sure about Sirius, he seems to me the type to bottle up his emotions and put up a tough front because he wouldn’t want James to worry about him. Would Sirius talk to James about how his family makes him feel?

On the whole, no, I think that the trust that we see they share would effectively dissolve any boundaries or reservations they'd have and it wouldn't even be a question of "I can talk to Sirius/James about this".

However, as you say, I think James sort of never has those reservations. I think James is naturally very open and he wants to share things with Sirius so he does, for him it's mostly as simple as that. James "trusted Black above all his other friends" and that is presented without question, there's no competitor, and I think it's as simple as that for James.

For Sirius it would take longer, he'd sit and stew on things a while privately but he would always tell James sooner or later. I agree that he bottles his feelings up more and he puts on this almost bored exterior. When Sirius tells Harry about his family, it's just "they're dark wizards and I hate them" and he doesn't really go into depth, he seems almost annoyed that he has to talk about them. Sirius takes things in his stride so I think conveying difficult things in his life would always take the form of an inconvenience in his delivery to minimise the sympathy, maybe, but I think his actual feelings would be stronger than that, he'd just regulate them alone - perhaps as a result of being expected to compose himself by his family.

I think James would always know about Sirius' family, but the specifics of Sirius' feelings and specific incidents might come later. I think it would be like "my mum and dad are strict", "my whole family believe in blood supremacy", "my cousin married Lucius Malfoy" rather than going into real detail and at 11, 12 years old James is kind of satisfied with those as facts and maybe doesn't feel the need to dig deeper or realise the wider implications until they're a bit older and he realises the severity/regularity of these snippets.

As they go through school I think Sirius would gradually be more revealing but I still don't think they're conversations that Sirius would want to last long. Sirius is quite clear about marking his difference within the family home so I don't see why he would try to hide that at school, I just think it would be a factual thing publicly and it would just be James who he'd be like "She made the house-elf spy on me all summer" kind of details to, again in a venting way. We don't get much sadness from Sirius about his parents in the books, just hatred and a desire for distance so I think at Hogwarts he'd largely be content just by dint of being away from them.

Also I think with Remus' werewolf secret, with the Animagus secret that they all share responsibility for, the trust is there. Sirius goes to James after he's told Snape about the Whomping Willow - I feel risking James' anger/disgust/whatever negative feeling James may have felt overwhelms any other things Sirius may have found difficult to share.

By the time Regulus joins the Death Eaters, I think Sirius and James would be at a stage where sharing things would be natural, and I think Sirius would go to James to vent about it unprompted - "What the fuck is he doing? Is he stupid? He's sixteen years old, I can't believe this, I bet you he thinks our doting mother and father will love him more, the idiot".

James I see as being more protective of his information in regards to Sirius, but I also don't really see James as having any secrets. I don't think they'd intentionally hide anything from each other and I don't think they'd be able to. James and Sirius have a very equal bond in terms of intellect and ability and I think the other would always be the person who would "get it" best and who would be thinking within the same parameters, thinking most as the other would, who would come up with the most fitting solution for each other, so it would be natural for them to want to share and to have the other's opinion.

Ultimately, I don't see any meaningful secrets between them. I think they know each other well enough to recognise when something is being concealed, and I think they'd both actively want to share, to a point where it's not even something they have to weigh up. Even straying into fic territory where they hide their feelings for each other, I think they'd both either work it out or have to tell the other eventually.

[oh-snapperss]

now ill ruin ur ask box im sorry (not rlly) /lh

im so obsessed with the fic my brain has already gone to boing boing no thinkie boing boing mode /aff /pos

i tried listening to 'suffocate' and yes as you could guess i started fucking crying

im not mentally stable i love ethubs so much to the point: they sad = i cry

no don’t apologize I’m highly amused actually. LMAOOO

aww im glad it’s made you go insane they make me insane too ueueueyeyey also suffocate my BELOVED it’s so upsetting with the fic. also half alive is dropping a song on thursday i fully expect to be adding to the playlist cause the lyrics so far released are so incredibly cysm ethubs coded

if it’s any consolation i made myself cry?

[shimmershae]

So.  Thanks to my new anonymous friend, this is going to become a thing.

Shae’s thinky thoughts about the latest episode--Acheron:  Part 2--beneath a cut. 

Because spoilers, however vague they might be.  

Let’s be real here.  This is more a stream of consciousness than anything else so if that’s not your thing, you are most welcome to nope right on out of this post.  Trust me.  I’ll completely understand, lol.  Sometimes?  I wish I could nope right on out of my own brain and the way it operates.  

That said?  Without further ado--

Episode 2′s opening, though.  Maggie trapped with hungry Walkers converging?  It totally gives me Glenn under the dumpster vibes.  I don’t know if that was intentional or just happy coincidence but way to link Maggie to her dearly departed better half, show.  

Is it just me or has Father G had more OOMPH to him these last few seasons?  Again, I have to ask--Rosita’s influence or no?  Regardless, I bet Seth Gilliam is loving the job these days.  

Side note:  am I gonna have to go to bed early every Saturday night from now until the end just so I that I might be able to SEE?  Something?  Anything?  My curtains are flimsy-ass.  I admit it.  But this is more frustrating than TXF.  Angela, WTF?  

No, seriously.  It’s like complete guess work who’s in these subway scenes.  Some of that has to do with them being overly populated by redshirts and the rest of it has to do with me having to squint and turn sideways to make out their facial features. 

Look at Daryl busting through concrete walls!  Should I call him the Kool-Aid Man considering NR has once again allowed himself to be led right into a biased, shipper trap?  Hmm.  I might.  

Imagine seeking refuge in those dark, filthy subways.  Any second now I expect to hear the skittering of rats.  Will Dog lose his effing mind a la Divergence?  He’s been shown to go off half-cocked that way, lol.  Oh well.  Guess it’ll be in character if he does.  

Impressive graffiti storyboards.  Does it mean something that it immediately cuts to the Commonwealth storm troopers afterward?  Maybe.  Who really knows at this point?  They been trying to gaslight us forever.  

LOL at Princess yet again.  Yumiko is just like da fuq is this person?  

No, really.  LMAO.  “That was her.  From last night.  Did you see how she was looking at us?”  

Then you have Eugene, hahaha.  “Oh God.  Why did he tell off the big guy?”  Like the man is totally me in this type of situation.  Not even gonna lie.  

“That’s right.  We want to talk to the manager.”  

I literally cannot wait ‘til Carol and Daryl meet Princess.  Can.  Not.  Wait.  

How sad is that note on that $100 bill?  Small moment but it totally gives me Season 4 vibes when they were on their way to Terminus seeking sanctuary.  

Hmm.  Remember how that place wasn’t what they thought it was?  I’m sure neither is the Commonwealth.  But I feel like what’s left of Team Family is totally going to do Rick proud, lol, and prove they’re messing with the wrong people if they try something.  

Daryl, Man.  You gonna have to get a better handle on your headstrong Fur Son.  I wonder if Dog would listen better to his mama?  Things to ponder.  

Sounds like Miko has this group’s number.  Or does she?  

Princess and Eugene totally look like they’re waiting their turn for the Principal’s office, LOL.  

“Stop moving!  You’re taking my nerves over the edge to a proverbial 11 on a scale of 10.”  I feel you, Eugene.  I do.  Also you, Princess.  Two of the most relatable TWD characters right there, I’m telling you.  

Princess is me when I really, really, really have to pee.  TMI?  Sorry, lovelies.  LOL.  I just...she’s so relatable.  

LMAO.  “If that fine ass dude in the orange suit...”  Princess and Mercer incoming in 3-2-----

Princess’s excitement over the toilet paper=PRICELESS.  

Eugene, Man.  You desperately need to develop a poker face.  

There’s Daryl getting another cool camera shot.  Angela?  You playing favorites again?  

Carol’s claustrophobia could have never.  I bet that’s in the back of Pookie’s mind.  You can’t tell me it’s not because Carol lives in there rent-free.  

Ohhh.  Back to the subway car.  Looks like we got the Maggie redshirts leading the way.  First sacrificial “lambs”?  

Maggie pistol-whipping Negan was kinda deserved, but he wasn’t all wrong so.  

Damn.  I’m no Gage fan.  He can fuck all the way off for what he did to my baby Lydia.  But Maggie over there with ice in her veins.  

Yep.  I think the dude just got one of the most gruesome deaths in a while.  Yuck.  

I think Alden’s faith in Maggie definitely took several hits.  I feel like he kind of had her on some sort of pedestal dating back to Hilltop times.  Father G, though?  The man is continuing to show himself a SAVAGE MFer.  

Josh gives Eugene such believable tics and mannerisms.  He IS Eugene.  

Thank you, Maggie, for lighting that flare.  I could not see a damn thing.  

What are these bad memories Negan alludes to?  Hmm?  Him being a shit husband to Lucille back when he was still taking her for granted?  

Father G on Gage’s Walker--”All that is, is a shell of a man, who died a coward.”  Kind of ironic considering Father G’s own origins, huh?  Has he any warmth in there for anybody but Rosita and Coco?  Does he equate it with weakness?  

“There are worse ways.”  And Maggie proceeds to paint us a horror story with mere words.  

Dark Maggie really surpasses anything certain fans have ever accused Carol of being.  Is she too far gone?  Who the hell knows?  I think it’s clear that she and Carol are both on a sliding scale of sorts when it comes to being able to compartmentalize shit to survive.  Personally?  I feel like Maggie might have leap-frogged Carol in this episode but it matters none because of the double standards so deeply entrenched in this fandom.  Both women have endured and had to do some horrific things.  It’s not a contest.  But it’s probably going to be turned into a season-long one.  

It’s almost like Kang was like, “Ya’ll bitches think Carol’s dark?  I’ll show you DARK.  Check and mate.”  

Whatever the reasoning, Maggie just got exponentially more interesting to me if not likable.  And before anybody out there comes at me, it’s entirely possible to be on a character’s side in some things and not be all up their ass in love with them, lol.  Like I’m attached to her because she’s family and Glenn loved her.  There’s a loyalty there and she absolutely is justified in her hatred of Negan.  But I’m not going to pretend her shit don’t stink like everybody else’s.  

Speaking of my baby Glenn.  What would he think of this version of Maggie?  I think he would be gutted and heart stricken that events led to her being like this but he’d understand because he’s pure like that.  Don’t mean he’d be A-OK with it all.  

Dog must be protected at all costs.  

Confession.  I know not the fuck who Pony Boy is, but I know him because all my fandom friends have pointed him out to me, lol.  RIP, Man.  I think you’re number’s up or close to it.  

Okay, though.  I admit it.  I am kinda LOVING Badass Father G.  

That scene in the subway car with all of them working to take all the Walkers out was already badass.  Then Daryl arrived and made it, in @freefromthecocoon’s words, HAWT.  LOL.  

Eugene staring at that little black book like it contains torture tools, hehehe.  

“Processed?  As in administratively?  Processed as in bologna or other meat stuffs?  This inquiring (enquiring?) mind needs to know.”  OMG, Eugene.  I admit it.  Even if it makes me look like a lunatic, LOL.  I straight up LMAO at that one.  I mean, ten years later and Terminus still fresh on the man’s mind.  

“You like feeling nervous?”  Well, no.  None of us that do, Mercer?  Do.  

Then he proceeds to make me howl with his “You can’t lie for shit” to Eugene.  

Josh McDermitt?  I love you, Man.  40 year old virgin, LOL.  

All this talk over the seasons of Daryl’s virginity and we have Eugene, hahaha.  But was he telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?  

Finally.  Some daylight.  Where I can see.  

Eugene’s relief at seeing his friends safe and sound was such a beautiful thing to see.  I loved those hugs.  

Mercer’s face when he snarled “beat cop” in disdain to Ezekiel.  I think I’m gonna love this dude.  

“I went to West Point.  Asshole.”  Yeah.  I am.  

I know they probably catfishing Eugene right here because spoilers tell us that ain’t Stephanie.  But my heart still did a little d’aww.  Angela.  Don’t play with his poor heart like that.  

What’s got Daryl so pensive, huh?  Is it that the note reminds him of kids being lost or taken from their family? Or separated from their family?  Is he thinking of those Grimes babies and wondering if Michonne will ever make it back and why and how she was able to leave them behind?  Tell me it ain’t that Find Me nonsense.  

“This place sure has gone to shit since the last time I was here.”  LMAO, JDM.  I mean Negan.  Sorry.  Sorry.  I still hate Negan, but JDM has me entertained at least since they gave the asshole some shades of gray.  And speaking of shades of gray.  I’m loving the gray beard.  JDM’s looking GOOD (hear that NR?  Embrace the gray).  Negan can still kick rocks, lol.  

Anyway.  That scene was CREEPY AF.  Not even gonna lie.  

The Reapers strutting right on up to our group like it’s The Purge:  ZA.  

My bad, Pony Boy. Now RIP.  

Dark, dark episode with loads of tension broken up by some welcome humor by Princess.  The girl is fast becoming a fave of mine.  

My baby’s back next week!!!

I’m just going to plug my ears and pretend they’re trying to capture/recapture the horses because they’re pets.  Not because they’re starving so bad they feel the need to eat them.  La la la la la.  I can’t hear you.  

[youtiaoshutiao]

传闻中的陈芊芊 thoughts

i haven’t been very active lately but i just came on to say, i binged on the romance of tiger and rose / 传闻中的陈芊芊 and have 2 eps left and i love it SO SO MUCH. i was expecting some pure crack but beyond that, i really ended up catching much feels for it?

and i think beyond the outlandish hilarity of some of the scenes and the cheeky meta, it’s actually a pretty decent drama with its plot and character motivations largely dictated by logic. i have to commend the scriptwriter nan zhen 南镇 for the entire set up of the drama (and it’s her original script!!! which is so rare in the industry nowadays run over by book adaptations - i mean i love those too but i still think it’s an easy way out for production companies when they adapt books with established fan bases). it’s actually really clever of her because all plot holes/flaws in world building can easily be attributed to xiaoqian’s lousy scriptwriting abilities?

i really did become quite impressed with the plot as the episodes progressed haha. the conflict and plot thickens as xiaoqian, now as qianqian, with the mindset that she’s not part of this story at all and that she’s interacting with a bunch of characters on paper, continues to engineer plot machinations trying to steer the plot in the right direction to get to the end so she can return back to the real world. and you slowly see how that just devolves into complete chaos and plot twists when surprise! she IS part of the story, she IS interacting with these characters and they are influenced by what she says and does! so you have her original male lead hanshuo, destined for the female lead chuchu, falling in love instead with her and changing his entire plan because of that. you have chuchu, the original female lead, slowly growing more unhinged as she perceives qianqian’s actions and words as callous and uncaring and outrightly antagonistic towards herself and as her resentment builds when everyone seems to shower affection and attention on qianqian still.

adding on to that is, how xiaoqian as a scriptwriter views and perceives her characters? some characters like hanshuo, she clearly constructed with much care and love, as seen by how she knows exactly how to make hanshuo happy and doesn’t want to upset him in the initial episodes (which caused him to fall for her like a devoted puppy). yet it seems like she either didn’t grasp fully their character motivations/personality/how their character is moulded by their backgrounds? which is why she probably didn’t see how the inherent difference with which her mother treats qianqian vs chuchu would lead to jealousy and resentment seeping in and poisoning chuchu’s heart. and her visualising han shuo as a murderous calculating career-driven male lead aka the male lead of eastern palace clearly runs contrary to how he is total putty and has barely hurt a fly ever since he fell in love with qianqian.

and there are characters too like her mother that she originally clearly just wrote in as characters to steer the plot forward, and in-world, she is clearly stricken when she realises how they have emotions and hidden depths beyond what she fathomed - like when her and her mother had that semi HTHT after she stole the dragon bone and her mum stayed by her bedchamber to watch over her all night. and another example would be su ziying - she’s so happy to see him when he appears as in that moment she’s viewing him from the lens of the scriptwriter of this story and she knows he’s going to push the plot forward. but seeing him and his actions actually playing out - she gets irritated by what he does and also his actions actually do end up affecting her, because she is in the story too!!!

and moving on from that, as the plot further progresses, another spanner is thrown into the mix when she realises that male lead is really really in love with her! and would give up everything for her! and... she too is in love with him!! and this changes things too because while initially all her actions were to push the plot to move forward the way she originally wrote it so that she can head back, now she’s actively trying to push back against the flow of events, as she’s now emotionally invested in this and doesn’t want the male lead to die as per her original script.

the play out of all these was really really entertaining and gripping to watch?? i was legitimately bowled over by how affected i was when all the angst came in, because it really felt like it made sense amidst all the crack and was well set up? and throughout it all, the actions of all the main players in the plot made sense and were logical, even the secondary leads chuchu and peiheng. haha idek if i’m ascribing too much credit to this whole plot, maybe it’s really just meant to be a cracky fun time and i’m too into it HAHA.

there’s also the set up of huayuan city being a matriarchal society where basically the roles of women and men are reversed. it is really v trippy!!! and An Experience to see scenes like men being harrassed by women, people tittering at other men for not being covered up enough in public, wares that can increase your chances of birthing a female heir being peddled on the streets. initially i was kind of apprehensive as to how it was going to play out. now at ep 22 where they’ve gone to xuanhu city which is patriarchal the conversation regarding gender roles and gender equality is continuing!! but i shall reserve my thoughts and comments till the entire arc plays out.

but beyond all that, the drama is just so much fun fun funnnnn!!!! i loveddddd seeing how this drama about a scriptwriter getting stuck in her own script had scenes interspersed with storytellers on the street retelling qianqian’s exploits and qianqian’s regular meetups with the storytellers/opera writers to discuss how the plot of the drama was going or even the scene where hanshuo and peiheng went to the opera house for their male lead showdown and the opera characters were there saying all the rude things they wanted to say to each other. such fun meta?? breaking the fourth wall?? satire?? idek LOL i just know i enjoyed it thoroughly

and lastly, apart from all the thinky thinky stuff, i’m thoroughly charmed by the otp HAHA. i loveeeee qianqian so much and zhao lusi is soo effortlessly adorable and natural and charming in this role that i can totally see why everyone from han shuo to her mother is enamoured by her. i actually am really curious also to see how qianqian before xiaoqian transmigrated into her body was like - seeing how her servant didn’t seem to have any whiplash from an extreme change in personality suggest that maybe qianqian wasn’t all that different from xiaoqian?? and probably might not have been that spoilt/callous/havoc-wreaking as everyone perceives her to be?

and han shuo too is SO entertaining and funny and darling - when he first came to huayuan city he’s all “i’m cunning and smart and i’m going to MANIPULATE EVERYBODY for my/xuan hu city’s benefit” and “i want chen qianqian to die with ten thousand arrows through her heart!! i want her to be stabbed by knives three thousand times!! not a single time less!!!” and “do you think i don’t dare to kill you?!”. then he falls in love with her and instantly he’s all puppy eyes and utter devotion. IT���S DELICIOUS. ding yuxi really makes staring at your FL like she’s the only one in the world an art form. and as one comment on a bilibili mv said regarding han shuo’s supposed bloodlust, “han shuo, up to this point you’ve only killed one horse” HAHA

(keep in mind that it’s not even that han shuo ordered the killing of this horse, it was his subordinate that killed it on his behalf, and han shuo was Not Happy about it after that!)

together the otp are even more adorable!!! it’s teeth rotting fluff but yet it comes off very earnest and adorable without being cloying. i was literally clutching my heart and grinning at the screen dopily at some scenes. and even though the otp dynamic and character setups are not really the same, the way the two of them bicker and act like children around each other kind of remind me of yongqi and xiaoyanzi from hzgg for some reason lol.

and apart from the otp, there are a whole host of supporting characters that are really very funny and adorable and entertaining to watch haha. special shoutout to both han shuo and qianqian’s subordinates who are HILARIOUS and plain Done with their masters’ nonsense (especially bai ji who really just wants to get shit done okay!! but his master just keeps on wanting to fall in love and date!!) there’s also qianqian’s older sister yuanyuan who is disabled and on a wheelchair, and with a sad yet somehow hilarious penchant for writing multiple drafts of her will. and her otp, su mu, a courtesan (yes the courtesans in this city are all male).

honestly i’m not sure where i’m going with this, i just briefly scanned through what i’ve written so far and lol seems like paragraphs of illogical incoherent rambling. I’m sorry it’s 5am over here i’m not really thinking straight T_T i just have a lot of feels for this drama okay ;_____;

[illumose]

BTS reaction : when they say something they end up regretting [ part 2 ]

genre : angst and fluff, it depends on the member

requested by : a lot of people ✨

author’s note : thank you for reading and the feedback, I appreciate it a lot xx [ part one, must be read in order to understand ]

seokjin •

Seokjin asked himself why he said those horrible words to you. He wondered how he could invalidate your feelings and have no consideration towards your person. Yes, it was his job to be nice with fans, but you were his significant other. The person he wanted to marry, to have kids with. Yet, he managed to fuck up so badly that you avoided him at all costs. It has been three days, three days of silence and quietness that he could no longer bear. He missed your laugh, he missed you. He heard you cry at night and it broke his heart. He felt so guilty, he felt like an asshole.

"Y/n, honey. I’m terribly sorry, I’ve been such an ass with you. I shouldn’t have reacted like that, you had all the reasons to be upset," He started, sitting next to you on the couch. "I can’t quite understand why I reacted in an aggressive way when you only voiced your concerns and feelings. I bed your pardon, my love. It will never happen again, I promise you."

You looked at him, he was wallowing in guilt and sadness. In spite of what he did, you did not want him to be sad nor sorrowful. "You used my fears against me, it’s not fair."

"I know, and I’m sorry. I can’t bear to be without you. You’re my universe, please, give a chance to make it up to you," He pleaded, his eyes lighting up when you snuggled into his chest.

"One chance, that’s all. Don’t waste it," You warned him as he placed a kiss on your forehead.

yoongi •

Like you asked him to, he moved back to the dorm. Yoongi regretted his words, however, he was too proud to make the first step to apologize. He had believed that with time, you would have calmed down and you would forgive him. Well, his little plan did not work. He took you for granted too many times, and you were not going to let him treat you like trash. You ignored his calls, his texts.

He was now in front of your front door, knocking and screaming like a mad man for you to open the door. He began to realize what he was slowly loosing. You, the person he loved and cherished the most. He could not let it occur.

"I have plenty of time, Y/n. I can stay here all night. I just wanna talk to you," He explained, his ear against the door. He was trying to know if you were behind the door. You sighed, tired of his bullshit. You knew he could be stubborn.

You opened the door, much to his surprise. He had a bouquet of flowers in the hands, an apologetic smile on the lips, and dark circles under the eyes. He must have exhausted himself in his stupid studio.

"You look terrible," You said, bitterly. You let him enter your apartment, but you did not sit on the couch.

"It’s because I need you. I know I said the opposite, but I was just irritated because of work. I know it’s no excuses. You’re the one who keeps me sane, without you, I would die," He explained, with sincerity.

"Prove that you won’t do it again, and I might consider giving you a second chance. Otherwise, it’s over between us."

hoseok •

Jimin followed you after you stormed out of the practice room. He felt sorry for you, and wanted to comfort you. "Y/n, don’t take his criticism to heart, he’s moody," He tried to reassure you, speeding up to keep up with your fast pace.

"It does not give him the right to be hurtful and mean towards me, not when I’ve been here for him for so long. I asked him to teach me, not to judge me. I’m tired of being comprehensive and understanding with people," You claimed, eyes filled with tears. This time, you won’t forgive him. He often snapped at you for no reasons, and you grew tired of feeling sad. "I won’t leat anyone bring me down, not even him. I love him, but I love myself more," You finished, flashing Jimin a smile.

"You’re only debuting, and from what I’ve seen, you clearly succeeded more than any other beginner. If you want to, I can teach you," He suggested, knowing that Hoseok was wrong.

"I’d like to," You replied, hugging Jimin to thank here. "I’m going to go back home, tell Hoseok that he can pick up his stuff. I don’t want to live with someone who disrespects me."

As much as you loved Hoseok, he crossed the line. You would never forget his cruel criticisms, you needed to end this relationship which quickly grew toxic. It was not the first time he made hurtful comments, but it was for sure the last time.

"Be careful on your way back home. If you need anything, text me. I’ll be here in a minute," The blond-haired boy told you, earning a laugh from you. He was Hoseok’s friend, but also yours.

namjoon •

The moment you closed the bedroom’s door, Namjoon understood that he slowly destroyed the love you two shared. His behavior towards you was toxic, it consumed your happiness. He promised you to never break your heart, however, he broke his promise.

Being tired was not an excuse to be an asshole, he knew it. He called you a ‘pain in the ass’, something he said, out of his mind, without thinking. Of course you weren’t one. He messed up, and he did not know if he could make it up to you.

After a few hours of being locked in the bedroom, you decided to confront your boyfriend, well future ex-boyfriend. "Namjoon, can we talk?" You asked, finding him sitting in front of the door with puffy eyes. He nodded, following you in the living room. It hurt you to see his saddened expression. Nonetheless, he was responsible for his own pain.

"I’m—"

"I know. You’re sorry, you did not mean it. It’s like the past few weeks, you mess up and then you apologize, thinking I’m going to forget and forgive. Do I look like a punching-ball? I’m not. I refuse to be one. That’s why we must end it before it gets worse," You stated, seriously. "I love you, and I will forever do. However, you crossed the line. You took me for granted, and treated me like garbage. You cannot expect me to stay in a relationship in which I feel more hated than loved. I’ll be moving out in the following week, Namjoon," You went on saying, flashing him a sympathic smile, supposed to comfort him.

He sobbed, realizing that he destroyed everything. He was the main reason behing the break up, and he wouldn’t forgive himself.

jimin •

You two were currently on no speaking terms. You avoided him, and he avoided you. He did not know what to say, and thought that he would only make it worse. He knew it was not your fault if you had missed the date, your boss did not give you the choice.

A knock on the door pulled him out from his daydream. "I need to shower." You stated, coldly. His childish attitude irritated you, even more when it was unfair. He unlocked the door, letting you in. You did not acknowledge him, and walked past him, undressing yourself.

He watched as you got into the shower, thinking about the words he pronounced yesterday. I did not make the mistake to propose to you. He scoffed at this untrue statement, he was acting like a prick. All he wanted was to see you walk down the aisle, and now, his dream was compromised by his shitty actions.

"Y/n, love. I did not mean everything I told you yesterday." He said, joining you despite your small mumbles of complaint. "I don’t know what has gotten into me. I guess I was pissed off because I wanted to use this date as a way to propose to you. I felt upset when you couldn’t come, so I snapped at you."

You reached out for the shampoo, feeling your heart warm at his words. He wanted you to be his significant other for life, which was a huge commitment. "I guess I can forgive you, even though I shouldn’t," You responded with a smirk on the lips. He kissed you as your hands were wrapped around his neck.

taehyung •

"C’mon, I apologized. You’re not actually going to break up with me because of small argument, are you?" Taehyung frowned, confused as to why you were still not talking to him nor forgiving him.

"Are you deaf? Do I need to repeat this again in order for you to understand? It’s over between us, Taehyung. You’ve been such a prick for the past few days. I can’t believe you’re still here thinking you can make it up. I’m tired of your excuses, I’m tired of you. I’ve supported this attitude for too long, now, I’m ending it. You and me, it’s not possible. I deserve way better than you," You smirked, watching as he was being hit by realization. "I don’t why you’re behaving like this, but you should figure out the reason before your friends actually give up on you."

"Is it really over?"

"Yes. No second chance because you already got four. No making it up, no marriage counselling. See this as an omen, you’ll be able to find someone perfect who doesn’t mess everything," You laughed out loud, feeling relieved.

Taehyung’s eyes filled with tears. Why did he have to be mean? He should have been encouraging. He failed miserably his job of boyfriend.

"I wish you the best, Taehyung. I truly do, even if our relationship ends badly."

With that, the two of you never talked again. It was over, even if Taehyung still loved you.

jungkook •

A mess, it was the best word to describe Jungkook right now. Without you, he was miserable. He tried to reach out for you, but you avoided all his calls.

"Please, hear me out, babe," He begged you, following you like a lost puppy. You just got out of work, and he was in front of your workplace, waiting patiently for you. His voice was full of despair.

"I‘m giving you the space you asked for," You replied, ignoring his soft gaze. His words caused you sorrow. It was particularly harsh, and aimless. "Stop following me."

"No. I won’t stop until you let me apologize properly," He declared, speeding up when you tried to lose him in the crowd. "You’re not uptight, you’re far from uptight. You’re generous, kind and loving. You’re the most amazing soul I’ve ever got to meet. Perhaps you deserve better than me, a man who cannot think before thinking. I’m sorry. I love you deeply, Y/n."

Jungkook reached out for your hand, and for the first time, you did not try to reject his affection.

"I cannot express how sorry I am. You’re my lover, not my mother. I don’t want space, I want you. You’re the only one I’ve ever loved," He confessed, his body getting closer to yours. "It won’t happen again, I promise. Don’t dump my ass, please," He implored, and you finally gave in. You planted a kiss on his lips.

[brieannakeogh]

Ambition, Butter, and Wine- Chapter 3

Ambition, Butter, and Wine- Kylo Ren x plus sized reader. Crack! Fic. You’re a new First Order recruit. Trained in the culinary arts at the top schools and they dare make you serve the common folk. What happens when you have the opportunity to serve Lord Ren?

Master List / Previous Chapter

Warnings: Some light accidental torture

Chapter 3

Kylo was in bed two more days. On the second day your mouth went tight as he declined your offer to call the medbay. You were fully aware he was a “grown adult, who could call if he needed it.” but he wasn’t doing that. He was stubborn. You felt more pressure in the back of your head again. It had been happening with more and more frequency and you just knew it was him, poking at your thoughts. You had simi given him permission to and now it was like he was in your head all the time when you were around.

Everything had gone back to normal except for that. It was starting to give you a headache how frequently he was in there. You tried very hard to school your thoughts. Going over recipes in your head, measurements, the gossip of the day, anything except the two small things you wanted to keep from him. One, the fact that you had started making enough during his meals for you to have a portion, and two that you had a crush on him. It was ridiculous and it was easy enough to ignore when he was stalking around the halls in the dramatic cape and stupid helmet with his saber in easy reach, but in the morning he was so soft looking. His hair tousled and sleep still in the corners of his eyes, it just wasn’t fair that his man could go from soft cozy Kylo to Lord I’ll-kill-you-if-you-look-at-me-funny Ren. Not that you really cared as long as it wasn’t you he was killing.

The first secrete was spilled one day when he decided to be ‘nice’, and drop the tray off himself since he “had to pass by anyway.” and found you eating a not as nice version of the same meal you dropped off at lunch. The pressure was back and you could hear what you thought was a snort come from the metal helmet. You couldn’t clamp down your thoughts in time to something mundane like “I messed up the first batch and didn’t want it to go to waste.” No he had to read the whole alarm bells going off on a repeat of, I’m a thief! He’s definitely going to kill me now!

“Stop panicking. It’s a perk, not stealing.” You swear you could hear the smirk in his voice. He sat the tray down next to you and walked out. Well if that didn’t sound like permission to keep doing it, you don’t know what did. So that’s exactly what you did.

The second came out one night a few weeks later. By this point you had been solely cooking him meals for 4-5 months at this time. You’re not sure what he told the other chef or officers, although you expect he had come up with some special force secret dietary bullshit excuse. Especially after what one of your coworkers...that wasn’t right….people who work near you...asked what restrictions you had. You had pointedly ignored them, but when they continued you growled out menacingly that it wasn’t any of their business and to leave you the hell alone. You made sure to run that scene on repeat in your head when you dropped off Lord Ren’s food. His lip twitched, which was the equivalent of a full grin from anyone else.

Tonight wasn’t going as good as that night. In fact this went even more poorly than the first night when you walked in and he was in all of his comfortable night clothes, which he was in again. However you had gotten use to it, at least at night. You went about your business, setting the tray at the table while you waited for him to sit, have his obligatory bite, and either lip twitch or finger twitch in dismissal, depending on how happy he was with the meal.

It all came to a grinding halt when you turned and saw him reach for something. You had no clue what, and it could have been a stretch for all the good your observational skills did you, because your entire focus was on the small strip of skin that had been exposed on his belly. It was pale and smooth, and you really wanted to touch it to see if it’s as velvety as it looks. Your hand even raised up a little subconsciously. That’s when you felt it, the pressure at the back of your head. At the realization that he was in your head and had seen all of the thirst, a cold shiver ran down your spine and you started stumbling back towards the exit.

“Oh calm down!” He half shouts exasperated. “If I cut the head off of everyone that found me attractive, I really would have to wear the helmet all the time and Hux wouldn’t be here anymore.”

“Oh.” Well thank fuck for that! Wait...did he say…

“Yes, now get your head out of the gutter, I’m trying to eat here.”

“Yes sir.” But you couldn’t. Your brain conjuring up all sorts of things without your control.

“I said…”

“I know sir,” You interrupted, “and I’m trying. Maybe just stay out of my head for tonight. I’ll work on it so it doesn’t happen tomorrow.”

He narrows his eyes at you as he stands by the table. “Noted.” He concedes.

Well if he was going to stay out maybe you could just...yep that sweater makes his arms look good. It doesn’t hurt to look while he’s locked himself out, right? And oh stars you did look. Only for a minute until he twitched his hand and dismissed you.

You paused after you started to walk out, turning to face him again. “Just out of curiosity...when?” You felt another poke when he couldn’t sus out what you were asking.

The smirk spread on his face had you worried. “Dinner, day one.” Was all he said and turned back to his meal.

Well bantha tits, he’s known from the beginning! Than what’s the point of you hiding it all along? “Because I don’t want to hear about your sexual depravity towards my person. Your food isn’t that good.”

“Yes, sir.” You acknowledged as your body crawled back into it’s skin from which it jumped, scared. As you walked out, you broadcasted ‘Yes it is.’ and sort of hoped he was still listening in. It was getting harder and harder to tell.

He smirked as he bit into another mouthful. “You’re right, it is.” He said to himself.

Kylo knew he couldn’t keep you as a secret forever. With all the gossip on the base it was only a matter of time before someone became suspicious. He expected Phasma would find out first, which he wasn’t oppose so much about you making extra for her, but Hux on the other hand, he wasn’t going to let that happen. The others had been dumb enough to be fooled or weren’t so foolish to question about the special dietary restriction of a force user. That had been a good idea he picked from your brain. However, the other two commanders wouldn’t be persuaded so easily.

It happened! It finally happened! Hux had learned about you and asked for you to make his food as well. Kylo thought he was having such a good morning too, but he had seen the poorly constructed barrier in your head to try and keep him out. That wasn’t like you so of course he tore it down easily and watched as Hux cornered you in the kitchen. Of course you couldn’t turn down his request, but he could. He would march right in there and demand that Hux go back to the generic officer swill. As he watched you set the table like normal, a little bit of tremble in your hands, he uttered out a low “Mine.” that you surely couldn’t hear.

He pushed in further to your mind and saw you wince in pain at the pressure. He wanted to see the whole interaction in detail, usually he only skimmed your thoughts and emotions, most of the time you didn’t even notice. This he went a lot deeper.

Watching as Hux barged into the kitchen, hands behind his back and not a hair out of place. You were momentarily startled, but then ignored him in favor of the omelette you were plating up. It didn’t come out as nice as you wanted so you had set it aside to work on the second one for himself. He thought it looked fine, but learned early on you were a perfectionist. Hux grabbed the plate and started eating as he grilled you about your duties. You gave short, polite responses, but vague enough that Kylo could work with. He watched as Hux moaned around the fork in his mouth and told you to have his lunch ready too, “Whatever you were already fixing was fine.” Kylo also felt your jolt of response at the General’s moan, which made him growl out another “Mine” that you did hear.

Your head was pounding so hard that you had to stop what you were doing and press your palms to your temples. It felt like your skull would explode if you didn’t keep it in place. Flashbacks of this morning assaulted you and when the same pang of lust you had at hearing the General moan hit you this time, it brought you to your knees. Lord Ren had said something after that, but you couldn’t think straight. Finally you couldn’t contain it anymore and a whimper of pain left you.

Kylo’s refocused on the here and now when he heard the sad noise you made, shocked to see you almost curled in the fetal position at his feet. He scrambled back into his own head after seeing enough, leaving both of you panting with the effort. Tearing into the closet after composing himself, he sees you sit up out the corner of his eye. He handled your mind too roughly. Honestly if you had less semblance of self, it could have broken you, but you seemed fine. Anger and hurt rolled from you, but that was to be expected.

By the time your head clears and you can sit up properly to know you are still on the floor, you see Kylo with his pants changed and pulling his shirt off, his armor in hand. The food left untouched on the table. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to talk to Hux, straighten out this mess.”

“Don’t. Just sit and eat. I’ll handle it.” You groan as you stand.

“Did you just order me?” He whips around to you, armor thrown to the bed as he stands before you. Pride is what you are giving off, along with a heavy dose of ambition. If he wasn’t worried about breaking you he would be digging into your mind again to see exactly what you were thinking.

“No sir. Sorry sir. I just like to fight my own battles and…” You lick your lips, trying to decide if you should say what you were thinking. Oh fuck it, you only live once right? “It also won’t hurt my career any to provide specialized meals to both you and the General.”

His eyes had started to soften, he could understand wanting to fight for yourself, but then you went and fucked it up. Sharing wasn’t in his nature and your ambition was too great. He grabbed you by the upper arm, squeezing just a bit too tight and pulled you to the table.

“Sit, eat. Hux ate yours and I’m going to go deal with him now. There are pain meds in the bathroom for the headache that will be on you soon.”  He went and grabbed his armor off the bed, throwing it on as he exited his quarters, leaving you utterly confused.

Next Chapter

Didn’t finish Ch 11 of Dog Days in time, sorry. Hopefully this is a good substitute. 

If you want to be tagged just send an ask or reply. Thanks!

@stevieang, @albinotigerpython, @paintballkid711, @lilypalmer1987

[sirikyu]

WARNING: this might make you sad (writing it made me sad), it came about from the theory that the next region won’t feature ash and pikachu anymore, and i’m making a thinky post about it. i genuinely hope, and think it’s more than possible that it’s nothing but rumours or even trolling by the marketing peeps, but it still made me think about my relationship with this whole tv show, and what it would mean if it ended here. pls don’t take this as a confirmation though, we don’t need rumours to turn into people definitively declaring it’s the end of ash’s journey.

so everyone’s theorising about the next series and i am definitely hearing the concern that we have been watching ash’s final story for the past 3 years. if the next series means a change in protagonist, i’d love it if they didn’t just suddenly do that, because i need some warning beforehand so i can mourn properly. ending ash’s journey on a month’s (or even a few months’) notice would be just cruel, coldly announcing that we won’t see anymore of ash and expect me to be suddenly happy to see a new main character in his place.. but since we are on the topic...

(i’ve had a half a day to think about this.)

i was thinking about this a little since i saw some twitter theories (everything from the sad to the annoying ones (ash doesn’t “deserve” to have a final season with sun and moon cause it’s not been battle-oriented enough?? eugh)) and here are those thoughs:

there has been a descriptor i’ve seen around tumblr about “comfort characters”.. and when i was thinking about what seeing the end of ash’s journey would mean for me, i came to realize that THAT is what ash and pikachu is to me, a comfort character. i’ve watched their journey since i was barely in school and him and pikachu have been such a constant in the background of my life. i love the world he lives in and i absolutely think ash-pikachu team, by merely existing in a franchise, gives me comfort. every time i checked in with the pokemon tv series, ash’s friendship with pikachu and his journey through the world would be there.

i guess i also thought that since he’s been such a huge comfort to me, having his journey end with such a comforting series as sun and moon has been would be a high note, personally.

(and i think it would somewhat fit with his goals too. i’d rather have this close-knit community of alola be the thing that taught ash most about pokemon, not the battle-oriented life he led in the other regions, i think this feels more thematically better, as opposed to showing the most battle prowess. i don’t think it’s the sport of pokemon battling that makes him a master, it’s seeing the way pokemon and people can live together in every way. even though i’d prefer it if they were a bit more explicit about this being the point of alola, in case this is what ending ash’s journey here means.)

i have been consistently loving sun and moon for 3 years straight. it’s been so good. and i think, if this were the final ash-and-pikachu series, it would be SO, SO sad but i just would never be able to be angry about it ending here, because thematically, yeah, this would be a pretty nice series to end on. i mean, i wish i could learn more about ash, get into some nitty-gritty stuff that the anime hasn’t been able to do before, but since i don’t think that’s what this anime wants to do, i can absolutely live with this. kukui and ash have been such a unit, and i was dreading their goodbye, but if ash’s journey ends here, then maybe the goodbye won’t feel like a long one? and the ending turns bittersweet, because ash has a new goal that we won’t get to see, but we know for sure that he’s happy.

but i think this also hinges on

how the post-league episodes go, what kind of a note we end on, what ash decides to do in case he wins the alola league, what is the “end” of the journey as we will see it

how much time we will have with ash and pikachu before the end, will i be given time to mourn. i wish they’d announce these thing way before!!!

but yeah, were this ash’s final journey or not, the end of sun and moon is going to be SO bittersweet. i am SO thankful that the sumo series exists though.

[pixelrender]

Top 10 games I played in 2019

In many ways 2019 was a transitional year for me. 2020 will be a completely different year than 2018. Full of work and studying. And that’s why I need to leave my computer behind for a while. I have few games I would like to play on my phone, but mostly, I’ll be silent on the gaming front. I managed to play over 95 games this year. I wrote two or three sentences on every single one of them here. They were mostly short games from Itch.io, most of them under one hour of gameplay. There were many gems and I have an urge to honorably mention at least five of them. So, there might be another post along these lines or check this playlist of mine for some essential games, which might be missing in this selection.

Top 3 was a clear cut, but coming up with the order for the rest of it was difficult. FTL is in my top ten of all times for example and a superior game to both Morphblade and A Short Hike. It is however a game I had played before. The list is quite cohesive this year and I think that every single game on it is either an example of excellent design, great fun or an experience more interesting than films. 2019 was a year, in which I stopped caring about the story being good. I don’t need twists I only want feelings and there are other ways to evoke them. Video games and various kinds of walking sims are way more powerful tool for that. It might be that I’m more sold on games than most movies right now? Dunno, I guess I just managed to dig myself deep enough in my niche. There’s one honorable mention I should make right here. I finally managed to beat, one of my favourite games, FTL this year. Finally! It was the most satisfying moment in gaming of the year. I considered to put it on the list for that reason alone, but being one of my favourite games of all times, I don’t think it needs further spotlight.

10. The Isle is Full of Noises

I played several games from Dreamfeel early 2019 and fell in love with the devs. They’re sensitive, emotional and visually delightful. Curtain probably is the best starting point, but The Isle is Full of Noises is where it’s at. This flatgame is a full emotional outbreak accompanied by some of the best music I’ve heard in video games. It being a flatgame, there’s no collision just your character moving around and discovering things. Despite this simplicity I felt the game and the painful alienation of the character. It’s free and on every platform but phones!

9. Espectro City

This is such a weird combination of influences and simply the best game to come out of  CosmoD’s jam. This game’s about a city inhabited by ghosts. The whole world seems to be dead. It’s a detective game and you move around the city, which happens to be a desktop of a computer and individual places icons. The writing is really good, the mood superb and the gameplay itself surprisingly fun. The game’s full of sentimental sadness and rather deep too! I can’t wait to see more pieces like Espectro City from the dev. Again the game’s free and that’s a  nice bonus.

8. Renowned Explorers: Inernational Society

I played this back to back with Curious Expeditions and expected to like Expeditions better, because their gorgeous art style suits my taste better. And they were a lot of fun with ridiculous thngs happening all the time, usually because of my exploits. I enjoyed it quite a lot, but not as much as Explorers. This game’s really sweet with its simple addictive tactical battles, which are winnable by being friendly, handcrafted locations, great random events (the structure reminds me of FTL) and board game like elements like cards. Also, individual explorers feel way more personal. This was the most fun I had with the game all year long.

7.  The Things We Lost in the Flood

This little free game was exposed on major outlets such as Rock Paper Shotgun and PC gamer for a reason. It’s an impressive experience, a piece of art almost. It makes you think and most likely creative and insightful. I played it only few days ago, but I immediately knew that this needs to go on the list. Besides floating on your ship through the flooded world (in one direction), you come across messages from other players. This subtle multiplayer function makes the game really shine. You feel connected yet distant and there’s no space for hostile interactions. Even after several runs, I feel like there’s more stuff to explore too with screens being thrown at you at random. Play it and get engrossed in its meditative nature, this is the future of poetry.

6. Even The Ocean

For a fairly traditional Megaman inspired platformer in its core gameplay, Even The Ocean brought a lot of extra stuff from JRPGs in. There is a story, which gives you reasons to explore more, an overworld and the esthetic. It’s a nice game, but some of the backgrounds or platforms looked more like sketches than defined illustrations. The gameplay is smooth and good and I enjoyed a good portion of it. It’s all about jumping and overcoming various obstacles, the game doesn’t include battles. Also, the game evolves around corporations, exploitation of power and resources and nature and keeping things in balance and it’s all really actual with climatic changes being number 1 topic of the year. The story is somehow predictable but there is a very enjoyable twist.

5. Even The Stars

This was a simple game about exploring universe, which left a deep impression on me by its finally, which gave your wandering a purpose. Now this is a major SPOILER. This game ends with you dying and revealing your path and discoveries. Even without a purpose, your life had a purpose. It was such a strong message and it crowned the slow exploring, which, tbh, was quite enjoyable on its own.  There’s not much to say, just play the game, it’s free. While you’re at it check other games from Pol Clarissou as well, they’re little gems.

4. Heaven Will Be Mine

Ok, I claimed that I moved from story driven media earlier and this is a visual novel. It was the truth only partially. I still enjoy a good story if it manages to get me invested. This is both a hot romance and a tragedy. You choose to play as one of the three Mecha pilots, all of them are female, each of them representing one faction, one vision of the future. It's really complex and you can never fulfil all of your goals. Choices you're making are difficult from the get go and you're usually choosing between goals of your faction and your personal attitude towards one of the other two pilots, because you're, if not in love, in a hot relationship with both of them. Mecha suits get steamy and it Bronté level romantic. Also, it's worth it make multiple runs with various goals as different drivers. In the end the emotional impact this game with a relatively complicated and often post-human motivations had on me was the main reason why it stuck with me and why I enjoyed thinking about it's politics so different and yet same as problems of my own and this world. Despite the strange it was easy to relate thanks to masterful writing and sleek esthetic choices.

3. Morphblade

I hadn't got around anything really strategic or thinky this year before playing Morphblade. Damn, what a bullseye! This game's an almost abstract endless puzzle game with no real fiction attached to it. In the same way as Super Hexagon it makes it more addictive than morphine. Maybe that's why it's called Morphblade. Or it might be because you morph every turn into a new weapon or tool, based on tile you land on. The game's only mode is endless survival, so there's no real reason to keep playing but the addiction and the great combination of upgrading tiles by killing bugs on them and expanding the playing area. Despite being more of a little side project, this might be the best game Tom Francis has created so far. It's definitely the tightest design.

2. A Short Hike

The top 2 games on my list have a lot in common. They're both Humble Originals and they're both games about enjoying simple things. In case of A Short Hike, you're a city dwelling teen thrown on a Wi-Fi free island and you're being learnt to enjoy it. And it is enjoyable and warm and fuzzy. It's for reason this short game appeared on end of the year lists of many respectable outlets. Looking at screenshots and gifs doesn't make this game justice despite them being really pretty. The low poly in this game is superb and it being this good looking certainly gives it an edge, when it comes to presenting all the little nice things you can do to have a brighter day without exploiting anyone. A Short Hike is an extremely friendly game. Everyone on the isle is welcoming and sharing their enthusiasm with you. I cried of joy. Movement in this game is another thing. You walk, run, glide and climb and everything feels right. It's a game you can play on a wet day to make it the best day possible or on a sunny day to inspire yourself. Because enjoying the pleasures of movement on your own is the real deal.

1. Kimmy

This was a wonderful experience. The game's about Dana, a good caring kid, who is babysitting Kimmy. They walk around town, chat and play games. Mechanics of the game are simple but the way Kimmy presents itself, together with its structure and everything weaved in its narrative, it simply is brilliant. At first it might feel that the game's about building relationships with other kids. That part's really cool on its own as you get to know more about them and they're all original characters and positive ones in one way or other. Next, you uncover the second line. Simple game we all used to play and how we all managed to lose something, when embracing playing on computers and even various board games with many rules and components. It's never been the same sensation since. The last thing is the overarching narrative of the relation of Dana and Kimmy. There were more serious tones thrown in and the final plot twist went against my expectations and made me totally happy. The move from simply satisfying player is a bold one and I would say more rewarding in this case. Definitely more rewarding for me. Celeste and her work on Tacoma had put Nina Freeman on my map years ago, but only after playing Kimmy, she became a real star for me and I'm looking forward to playing We Met in May one day. This definitely is on par with Tacoma in terms of using the medium to carry over a message and a depth of the message.

[nadziejastar]

“I’m making them so even if one of us gets lost, we’ll make it back here safe and sound. …So the three of us will always be together.”

“It’s my lucky charm. So you have to bring it back to me!” she said, teasing a little, leaning over the charm in his hand.

If they learned that Saïx/Isa was the equivalent of Terra/Xemnas, then I think they’d get along fabulously. Roxas and Xion were alternate personas of Ventus and Kairi. Those two were the "baby" of their group and I think they are the ones that “replaced” Isa for a reason. Roxas and Xion were the sweet, innocent, and easygoing figures Axel needed to remember what friendship felt like. They reminded him what it was like to care about others. Their similarity to Isa was probably the main reason why Axel got along with them so well.

This is my greatest treasure.

“It’s just something that one of my best friends gave me. I don’t need it if I’ve got Terra and Aqua. Our best memories are still ahead.” Ven held the wooden Keyblade aloft as he answered.

Axel "replaced” Terra for Roxas and Riku for Xion. Axel was the caring and protective older brother figure they both needed. He solved all their problems and got stuff done.

The rose, the thing he treasures, is his weakness? Nope, I don’t get it. I wonder if Axel will know what it all means…?

“So, okay, say you don’t need a heart for things to be important to you… Maybe the closest thing we Nobodies have is our pasts. It’s the memories that give things value.”

Ventus met Lea after Terra and Aqua left him behind. He wanted to help, but they wouldn't let him. And Kairi always felt like she was unable to help Riku and Sora. She was always left behind, too. Axel wouldn’t leave them behind. He’d always bring them back, even if the organization didn’t need them anymore.

Riku: Look at his face. Sleeping like nothing's wrong--like there's nothing to even worry about. He's always been like that. The three of us would agree to work on the raft, and then this guy would go and take a nap on the beach. You see, it's my job to keep him on his toes.

Sora and Kairi were more laid-back and “lazy”.

Riku: Figures. Sora always did as he pleased. Whatever we'd be doing together, he'd find a way to slack off. Even trying to leave the islands---I did all the work on the raft by myself. That's it. When this slacker wakes up, I'll tell him off. I told him to take care of Kairi and here he is just taking a nap! But I can't chew him out like he deserves---if I've been asleep.

Riku was the one who would take charge and get stuff done. They looked up to him.

Riku turned to Kairi. “And you’re just as lazy as he is!”

“So, you noticed.” Kairi grinned and began ambling toward the inlet. “Okay, we’ll finish it together. Race you!”

I think a very similar dynamic was envisioned between Lea and Isa. Lea was probably the bold and adventurous planner, while Isa was the more "lazy” one.

“—Let’s go, Lea,” the blue-haired boy, Isa, said quietly. He stood up and brushed the dust from his pants.

“What is with those guys?”

“I don’t want any more trouble,” Isa urged.

Lea also climbed to his feet, albeit with some resignation.

“There’ll always be another chance,” Isa reminded him softly as they walked away. Lea followed after.

“We were so close,” he complained as they reached the residential area. Beside the small shop run by the Moogles, an unusual-looking elderly gent, Scrooge, was touting his wares with some blue ice cream in hand.

Lea bought Isa ice cream after they unsuccessfully tried to sneak in the castle. In the novel, Isa didn’t seem quite as motivated to get into the castle as Lea did, in my opinion. He was softspoken, gave up pretty quickly, didn’t want to get in trouble, and seemed to be saying they’d have another chance for Lea’s sake more than anything. Lea probably wanted to do something extraordinary because he was bored doing the same old thing every day. He wanted to create unforgettable memories.

“It’s cold…,” Isa muttered as he took a bite.

“What’re you talking about? It’s ice cream; of course it’s cold. Got it memorized?”

“Salty, too.”

“But sweet!” Lea added, and Isa smiled a bit. That was rare for him. Well, eating ice cream together, talking about silly stuff, laughing together—it was just what friends did.

Wonder what he’s doing now—Ven, was it?

“We’ll get another shot at it.”

“Yeah,” Isa replied, gazing at the castle they had failed to infiltrate. Lea grinned and looked up at it, too.

It wouldn’t surprise me if Isa wasn’t really that motivated by sneaking into the castle. He probably never even expected that they would actually get in. I bet he was more excited for what came afterwards because he just got to spend time with Lea, talking and laughing about stupid stuff. After all it was Saïx’s Casual Gear that was called “Dessert Time”, not Axel’s. It seems like Isa was the one who really loved ice cream. I guess Lea loved pizza. Maybe the icing on the cake was originally intended as a joke to keep Isa motivated.

Each one held an ice cream bar—sea-salt flavor, pale blue, and distinctly salty-sweet. Axel was rather fond of it himself. Or rather, he remembered that he liked it. 

“…We’ll go home after we eat some ice cream, will we?” Axel started walking towards the shop in the middle of the town plaza.

“Follow me, Roxas! I’ll even show you around my special place!” Roxas didn’t move.

“Geez, guess I got no choice.” Axel went back, and clapped his hand on Roxas’ shoulder. Roxas trembled, surprised, and looked up at Axel.

“Let’s go,” said Axel, and when he started walking, Roxas came along.

Axel didn’t start eating ice cream with Roxas because he liked it so much. Rather, he ate it because he remembered that he liked it. The manga makes me believe that the shoulder clap thing originated with Lea and Isa. Saïx really isn’t the type to do that unless he remembered it from his human days. It also seems to be a way of motivating someone.

“Friends…?”

“Yeah. Friends. People who eat ice cream together or laugh at stupid stuff that doesn’t make sense… Like those kids we just saw.”

Despite not eating it in years, Axel felt so strongly about ice cream that he equated it with friendship.

Day 357: To My Best Friend

Author: Axel

Roxas left. It's so like him to just leave that WINNER ice cream stick behind. Come tomorrow, I'll probably get the order to hunt him down, but leaving that here makes it feel so permanent. I wish the three of us—three? No. That the two of us could share some ice cream again someday. That’s what it is to be friends.

It was very important to him. He defined a best friend in relation to ice cream.

“Thanks, Axel.”

That, right there—it just felt so awkward. Axel scratched his head and turned away. “Well…how about buying me an ice cream, then?”

“Huh?” Roxas blurted, confused by the request when Axel couldn’t even meet their eyes.

But that was the only concession he could give them. If they showered him with any more effusive gratitude, he didn’t think he could stand it. “Then we can call it even.”

He ate it all the time, especially when he was feeling sad.

Riku: That's why we need to go out there and find out. Just sitting here won't change a thing. It's the same old stuff. So let's go.

I think the fact that Axel was so hung up on something as mundane as eating ice cream was supposed to be a bit odd. Axel seemed to have a similar disposition to Riku when it came to life. Riku was tired of island life because it was so monotonous and boring. He wanted more out of life than playing on the beach. It’s why he was always racing with Sora and having swordfights with him. He was restless.

Hayner- A boy who lives in Twilight Town who has a bit of an attitude problem. Once he gets an idea, he has to LIVE it — and Pence and Olette get dragged along for the ride. 

He was also quite similar to Hayner. He even had similar dialogue. And Hayner was definitely the most adventurous one of the group. He liked ice cream, but he got bored easily, too. He was the one who made the plans. 

Axel: If you have a dream, don't wait. Act. One of life's little rules. Got it memorized?

Axel’s life philosophy is taking action if you want something.

Iago: I wanna be a good friend, like Genie, but I can't do anything to help you. What kind of a friend is that?

Sora: Oh, no---it's not like that, Iago. Friends don't have to "do" stuff. As long as you have fun hanging out together, that's all that matters.

I think that’s why Day 75 ~Inseparable~ took place in Agrabah. They expanded on this idea in 358/2 Days.

“I’m a can-do man, so I got ready ages ago.”

“How exactly are you ‘can-do’, kupo?” mumbled the Moogle.

Before going to Agrabah with Roxas, Axel said he was a “can-do” man. And in KH2, Roxas was the one who always screwed everything up. He forgot his promise, and lost the money to go to the beach.

“Funny…I’d never really thought about it—at least until you asked me. My dream is to become a Keyblade Master.” Ven gripped his Keyblade in his hand.

In the manga, Axel said sitting around eating ice cream all day would be boring. Ventus wanted to be a Keyblade master, but I think his relationship with Terra was more important to him. On the other hand, Terra took his friendships for granted at first and was more focused on becoming a master. He didn’t appreciate what he had until he thought he lost it. 

“Suppose you get to another world. What would you do there?” Kairi asked Riku a little nervously. “Do you just want to see, like Sora?”

“Well, I haven’t really thought about it. It’s just… I’ve always wondered why we’re here, on this island. If there are other worlds out there, why did we end up on this one?”

Kairi and Sora were interested in other worlds, but they weren’t as motivated to leave as Riku was. Kairi said she was happy on Destiny Islands and didn’t think about her home world.

I hate wasting time like this. I’d rather just get some order I didn’t really understand, and be moving around. We don’t have hearts, but we think too much about stuff, and get tired just thinking. But maybe now that’s okay, if it helps me sleep.

Lea sounded like he wasn’t the type who wanted to laze about all day doing nothing. Axel didn’t like “wasting time”.

Axel gazed out at the sunset, as red as ever. That color still looked the same to him now as it had when he was human. Some things didn’t change even when you became a Nobody. “I hope Xion wakes up soon…,” Roxas murmured.

That would be nice, Axel thought. If only the three of us could just waste our time talking and laughing together again…

I think he probably felt like he “wasted” a lot of time with Isa.

Alone in the deserted hallway, Roxas sighed. Do what I want, Axel said… But what would that be? I mean, what do I like…? Ice cream, I guess?

He couldn’t think of anything else. So he started walking.

That’s why Day 118 ~Lazy Day~ was so interesting for me. Roxas couldn't think of anything in particular he wanted to do. He only had fun because of Hayner's group.

It’s real. This is Destiny Island. Our home.

“Nothing’s changed, huh?” Riku said lazily.

“Nope. Nothing will.” Sora nodded.

“What a small world.”

“But it’s part of something much bigger.” Watching the sunset, Sora crinkled his eyes. This tiny world… This little island. I wanted so badly to come home to this place.

Riku originally wanted off the islands, but after being away for so long, he desperately missed them. He longed for those boring days doing nothing on the beach. His character arc in KH2 was appreciating Sora’s way of life more and wanting to be more like him. He also didn’t realize what he had until he lost it.

“Hey, I needed the rest! I work hard on the job, unlike some people.”

I think Axel was probably the same. He probably hated it at the time, but now he missed having nothing to do. Being around "lazy" people is exactly what he needed. He only truly appreciated Isa’s view on life after he lost him.

“Try not to bungle everything while I’m gone,” Axel added.

“Why would we do that?” said Xion.

“Well, considering your track record…”

“Excuse me? Don’t make me come over there!”

Lea was the can-do man who would make all the plans. His dialogue on the vacation was about them not screwing anything up while he was gone.

“You’re working with Axel today,” Saïx told her. “Don’t dally.”

“With Axel?” Xion turned to the Nobody in question.

Axel nodded jauntily. “Yup. We’re partners now.”

“Well, as long as you stay out of the way.”

“Excuse me? That’s my line.” Saïx watched their banter with a withering glare, which actually cut Axel’s laughter short. Xion noticed, too, and quickly assumed a more professional bearing.

He said something similar to Xion the day before, and Saïx didn’t like it. Probably because it reminded him of how “unproductive” he used to be as a human.

“I’m making them so even if one of us gets lost, we’ll make it back here safe and sound. …So the three of us will always be together.” She placed it gently back in her pocket. The sun had already fallen halfway below the horizon.

I think Isa was similar to Kairi. She was scared of doing something risky, but she felt like it would be fun with Sora and Riku. 

“Hey. Sorry I took so long.”

“You sure did,” Xion told him with a grin, slipping the seashell back in her pocket. “We finished our ice cream ages ago.”

Roxas sat down beside her. “Xigbar cut and run. I had to finish the mission on my own.”

“Sounds like you earned yourself the treat,” said Axel. Not wasting any more time, Roxas dug in. Axel pocketed the stick from his own ice cream.

Isa was probably nervous about sneaking into the castle, but he felt okay with Lea there. The most important thing was that they got to do something fun together. Isa was probably content to play and eat ice cream. Sora and Kairi were content on the islands. I think it was Lea’s idea to sneak into the castle, like it was Riku’s idea to build the raft.

“You know, I was a little afraid at first…but now I’m ready.” Kairi looked at Sora, speaking like she’d made up her mind. 

“No matter where I go or what I see, I know I can always come back here.” He ran to catch up with her. 

“Yeah, of course!”

“I’m glad… Sora, don’t ever change.”

Kairi told Sora to never change because she liked that he was a lazy bum. Both Lea and Isa goofed off all summer and put off their homework until the very end. Isa was definitely not some no-nonsense drill instructor like Saïx. He was described as "serene". And Saïx was anything but serene.

That was all he wanted to say to me?

But just as Saïx started walking away, he caught a barely audible murmur—

“You’ve changed.” He listened to Saïx’s receding footsteps, and his gaze dropped to his own feet.

“You sure I’m the one who changed?” he said under his breath.

I think Lea probably even teased Isa about being “lazy” like he did with Roxas and Xion. He may have encouraged Isa to sneak into the castle with him because it would get him out of his shell. Perhaps that’s a big reason why the day called “Lazy Day” was the one where Axel said Saïx had changed. Axel even does the shoulder clap here, too.

“I swear, Aqua, this is the one girly thing about you.”

“And what is this ‘one’ girly thing about me, exactly?”

“Like how you love sweets and baking cakes.”

He definitely missed those lazy days more than anything. On Day 117, Axel said his memories never did him any good. The next day was the vacation and he left for Castle Oblivion. When he got back he said his memories of the past were what he treasured the most. Something definitely happened at Castle Oblivion the second time he went, too. The lazy vacation played a big role. So, yeah. I think Isa, Roxas, and Xion would get along SO well. 

“And as an extra treat, we’ve created something special—an ice cream flavor just for you: Rockin’ Crunch ice cream!”

Terra accepted the ice cream bar–shaped treat. Maybe the brown stuff was chocolate? He hadn’t eaten many sugary things before…

I think Terra would get sick of Disney Town after a few times. He doesn’t like sweets. They’re not manly enough. He should give Isa his lifetime pass so he can be the chaperone.

[thethotwithoutfear]

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

Chapter 3: Oh, What A Nite (mob!Bucky x Reader au)

Word Count: 2.599

Warnings: none other than language 

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Summary: The night of the reader and Bucky’s date doesn’t go so smoothly, but Bucky figures a few things out about her that leaves him wanting more…

“Will you stop that!?” shrieked Terry, watching as you practically wore a hole in the rug with your pacing. You stopped staring at the trio of black dresses laid out on the bed (boy you really needed to get some color in your wardrobe). Your hair was done, makeup courtesy of Terry, and you worried in nothing but your slip and underwear. For someone who wasn’t particularly looking forwards to this damn date you’d had a hell of a time picking what the hell to wear. Although you didn’t give a single fuck about looking good for Bucky, one of your personal little quirks was still caring about how you presented yourself should the opportunity present itself. It wasn’t so much vanity but the pride in being presentable, you figured you probably got it from your mother. Terry gave a little giggle at just how damn nervous you looked. “(y/n), you’ll look good in any of these. You’ll probably have Barnes on the floor the second he gets a look at you” she assured you.

“I don’t give a shit about what Barnes thinks! I just don’t want to look under or over dressed! He said we’d be going to dinner but not anywhere else. What if he makes me go to the damn Bamboo club like the rest of them?” you said while suppressing the urge to bite your freshly manicured nails. “Then wear the black cocktail dress you dolt,” Terry frustratedly sighed, getting up to pick up the dress in question, practically shoving it in your hands, “You can never go wrong with a little black dress. Plus this is one doesn’t look like you’re going to damn funeral!” You scoffed at that, you didn’t dress that bleakly did you?

“Fine, I guess it’s the safest choice.” you begrudgingly agreed, pulling it over your head, Terry helping you zip it. You looked in the mirror, appreciating that you did in fact look pretty good. The dress hugging you in all the right places, the sheer elements around the straps of the dress and neckline adding a nice touch of classy sensuality. You hadn’t kept track of the time with your worrying so when a loud knock came from the front door snapping you out of your self admiration, you practically jumped out of your skin with a “OH FUCK IS IT 7 ALREADY!?” You slipped on your shoes, put your earrings in, grabbed your clutch, and slipped on your evening coat at such an alarming speed Terry couldn’t help but give a laugh at how panicked you looked. You composed yourself with a deep breathe and opened the door expecting the smug bastard you hated with a fiery passion, but instead found Steve’s angel face looking down at you in your doorway. The surprise very evident on your face, he gave a little smile.

“Wow, you clean up great! So uh, Bucky is a little caught up in some stuff at…um work..” he explained before you could open your mouth, “He asked me to do him the big favor of picking you up. He’ll meet us later. Luckily my date Sharon lives not too far from here.” You gave a small nod, thanked him for the compliment, and turned back to say your goodbyes to Terry, following Steve down to his car. You couldn’t shake the bad feeling in your stomach as you got in to the backseat.

“Hi I’m Sharon” a soft voice said, breaking your worried concentration on the leather seating of Steve’s Cadillac. You looked up to see a girl about your age, as golden and angel faced as Steve looking ridiculously pretty in a powder blue dress. You gave her a kind but still jittery smile in return and stuck your hand out to her “Oh I’m sorry, how rude of me. I’m (y/n).” She shook your hand and with a little giggle turned to Steve, “She doesn’t seem half as scary as Bucky made her out to be.” You jerked your head back in surprise looking at Steve like he’d grown another head, he simply laughed ignoring the confusion on your face and instead simply said “Well ladies, we’re off.”  

—————————————

You ended up in what you knew as the swankiest goddamn steak house in all of Brooklyn for dinner. You couldn’t help but feel a lot out place in the confines of the red leather booth you sat in, completely dateless across Steve and Sharon who chatted endlessly and with little to no effort. You wrung your hands in your lap thinking about how pathetic you probably looked, the awkward third wheel to the unfairly beautiful couple. An hour had already passed and Bucky still hadn’t shown up. You managed to take a couple of bites of your food but the mess of emotions in the pit of your stomach made it impossible to enjoy your meal. Steve and Sharon kept giving you pitying smiles and inserting you in their conversation from time to time to ease your nerves, bless them. But you couldn’t help but feel like garbage.

Everything seemed too much; too much squeaking leather, too much smoke, too much chatter, too much…lonesomeness. Your mom had called it “feeling alone in a crowded room”, you hadn’t understood what she meant back then, you liked being alone but alone like this…nobody could possibly be ok with that, it felt humiliating. Maybe it was the wine you’d managed to sip through the night, or just your stubborn spirit but you suddenly felt the anger in the cocktail of your emotions overpower everything else. No, you weren’t going to cry or feel sad because of stupid fucking Bucky Barnes. That prick was the whole reason you were sitting here looking like a fucking fool. You gave a loud and fiery huff of breathe, one so potent with anger Steve and Sharon turned to look at you. Sharon instantly recognizing just why Steve had said Bucky found you a little scary. Steve looked scared himself as you practically stared daggers into him.

“Steve I know he’s your brother but Bucky is a fucking idiot and I need you to take me to him right now.” you said, you looked like flames would shoot out your eyes at any minute. “(y/n) I-I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Steve managed to stutter out. “I don’t care Steve. I don’t. care. You’re taking me to him RIGHT. NOW.” you practically growled. “Steve I think you should do it.” came Sharon’s voice, an almost impressed look on her face. Goddamn she was so nice, maybe you’d get her number after this was all over, she’d make a great friend. “O-ok…but I’m taking Sharon home first ok? God he’s gonna kill me” Steve muttered. It made you huff out a laugh at the idea of the heir to the Rogers family being afraid of his second in command.

As promised Steve took Sharon home, she wished you luck before giving Steve a quick kiss goodnight. After that you found yourself driving into the night alone with Steve. It had gotten painfully quiet in the car so you broke it, “He better have a fucking great excuse for this shit.” Steve gave a small sigh “I’m sure he does. Look I get you’re mad but in our…line of business, some things just take precedent.” You looked at Steve like you were about ready to rip his head off before he broke your spell of fury by breaking hard and muttering an “Ah shit.” You looked ahead at where Steve’s gaze had fallen and sure enough there he was, the goddamn culprit responsible for the fury that had permeated every inch of your body. And you honestly didn’t think you could get any madder.

On the steps of what you assumed was probably one of the Rogers’ bars, surrounded by a group of other well dressed men laughing his stupid fucking head off was Bucky, a bottle of beer in hand and the other clutching his stomach. His tie was loose, a few buttons of his shirt undone, he looked absolute fucking peachy like he didn’t have a goddamn care in the world and you practically felt the flames of hell bursting from your stomach. And those flames compelled you to practically throw yourself out of Steve’s car, you could have probably made the ground shake with how hard you took each step towards Bucky, who now had his back to you.

He must’ve realized something was up from the look on the men’s faces as they caught sight of you, some amused, some confused, some even worried. He turned around to see what all the fuss was about, his blue eyes going wide as saucers at the sight of you. “BUCKY FUCKING BARNES, YOU GOT SOME FUCKING NERVE STANDING ME UP!! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! FRANKIE FUCKING VALLI?! SOME BIG SHOT!!??” you yelled. The men behind the two of you began to chuckle but those chuckles got caught in their throats the second you shot them a look that could probably set them all ablaze. “Look (y/n)-” he started, but you didn’t let him finish.

“YOU PESTERED ME LIKE A FUCKING SCHOOL BOY SO I’D GO ON THIS STUPID DATE AND YOU STAND MEE UP!? YOU MADE ME LOOK LIKE A GODDAMN CLOWN! DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING CLOWN TO YOU?!” you continued. “N-n-nO!” he stuttered. “THEN WHY WOULD YOU MAKE A JOKE OUT OF ME?!” you screamed, it took all the will power in the world not to cry. You weren’t going to give him that, you’d rather die.

“I-I got caught up, I must’ve lost track of time…WAIT, YOU DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO GO ON THE STUPID DATE!” he said but you weren’t having any of it. You gave him a bitter laugh. “Oh no. No. No. NO. Don’t give me that shit. It’s about the principle of the thing Bucky!! As annoying as you are I thought you’d at least be a man of principle!!” That seemed to cut him somewhere deep because his eyes instantly clouded with hurt. Good, he deserved it.

“…You’re right” he said.

You couldn’t help but jerk your head a little at his admittance. You expected him to fight you more on it, he seemed equally a spitfire as you. “What?” you said, more so out of shock than confusion. It suddenly got very quiet. Everyone seemed to be holding their breathes. Maybe because one of their biggest bosses was admitting to a strange woman that he was wrong about something. Maybe they’d never seen Bucky yield to a woman so easily. Whatever the reason, everyone seemed to be thinking about how downright bizarre a thing it was to witness. The sound of Steve shutting his car door however, broke the silence making everyone jump. Bucky seemed to be collecting his thoughts as to what to say next. Steve gave the men around you two a look as to tell them to crawl back in to the bar so you could have your moment, following along with them.

“I-I said you’re right…I could’ve called the restaurant, left a message. I shouldn’t have done that to you. I gave you a load of shit just to go out with me and it isn’t fair to treat you like this. I know I have no fucking right to ask you this but….can I make it up to you?” he said, his head hung down in what you hoped was shame. Your mouth couldn’t help but continue opening and closing at a loss for words. How the fuck were you supposed to respond to that? On one hand he’d disrespected and humiliated your integrity, you could practically hear your mother’s voice telling you to shoot him down.  But, on the other hand you felt his sincerity and a sudden electricity in the air between the two of you. It was buzzing around your head trying to coax you to give him another shot and for some odd reason…you let it.

“Ok.” was all you could muster the clarity to say. His head shot up again, a cautious smile grazing his lips. “Thank you.” he whispered. “You better not make me regret this again…” you couldn’t help but groan. He chuckled a little, one not too full of amusement as to not piss you off again. “I won’t I promise…Will you let me drive you back home?” he asked, his eyes looking a little glassy but light again. “How else am I supposed to get home at this hour you numb skull?” you replied. He gave you a bright smile, “Ok. I deserved that one.” You gave a tired huff and walked back to the car, leaving him looking a little stupid as he realized you weren’t waiting for him to go first.

Bucky’s POV

The drive back was quiet as he expected, but what struck him about it was that it wasn’t an uncomfortable kind of quiet. Even after she’d very clearly been upset with him and probably still was, he’d expected an awkward silence between them. Instead it felt like the air around them was still, peaceful as she looked out the window into the night. It struck him then that she really was different, he’d felt it the second he saw her in the record store window. He hated saying that to himself, of course all women are different but they were never different in the way he needed. He’d gone out with his fair share of girls but all of them shared one thing: they all seemed much too eager to please, eager to do what it took to get a piece of his money, his power, his status, but never a piece of him.

And here she was, not giving a single shit as to what he had to offer or who the hell he was. She probably figured out by now what he did, everyone in the damn borough knew who he was, what he had or what he could do. But she wasn’t impressed or even frightened by him. Instead she gave more of a shit about herself. It wasn’t selfishness, it was integrity, it was character, and assurance in who she was, what she wanted, and what she deserved. And for once in his life he felt himself on the other end, felt himself being the one so eager to please. He barely knew her but something in him wanted to win her over. And maybe that’s why she scared him…just a bit.

Because this one, this one wouldn’t be won with fancy dinners, sparkly things, cheap words, or pretty dresses. Deep down he knew it would mean cutting himself open and that was hard. Being the son of mafia boss meant being cold, being closed, wearing a mask of unshakable self possession; any trace of weaknesses meant your downfall, he’d learned that. But he’d noticed it: noticed those fleeting moments when you’d softened up to him and it made him so sick with want for more of it. It was only when he’d let his poker face drop, when he’d mentioned Rebecca, when he’d let you know he was a man of his word to ease your worry, when he’d admitted he was wrong for the first time in his life. But he was willing to continue to show you that no matter how hard it would be for him and what it might cost and that scared him…

…a lot.

Please leave kudos or comments on my ao3 or hit me up on my main if you feel like saying hello @chrisevansheartofgold

Tag list: @slender–spirit @ria132love @spacequeenstuff

[redscullyrevival]

Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans

I’m preserving here all my liveblogging and commentary from twitter because this is the better space for keeping track of my self discussion. Yeah, no one cares, ANYWAYS

Gundam IBO Episodes 1-3

Gundam IBO: *puts main characters in a flashback in the first episode* Me: 

Ah yes, the political girl who understands nothing of the hard man life. Good old Gundam.     

I love Biscuit.

So far I'm a big fan of this shows policy on showing angry boys teeth.

Orga's hair is genius. No hats for dramatic flare, just that pointy bang. So good.

Millennial vs Boomer vibes, haha, love it.

Oh GOD Biscuit has sisters named Cookie and Cracker I am so happy.

I giggle every time I hear "Lieutenant Crank" because I am a idiot.

Did the Gundam nerds whine about Barbatos' tiny waist? Seems like a hill some would die on.

Surprisingly fine with Atra's crush on Mikazuki. It's cute! Not played weird or funky, so far. They seem like they'd get along really well actually - similar temperaments and background and all that.

Oh shit these kids are about to do a bad ain't they? Go get 'em.

I'd keep the accountant too - I don't wanna do any fuckin' math either.

Hate Beer-gut-Hitler-stache, when does some kid kill him? Soon hopefully.

His full name iS CRANK  Z E N T  

Political girl admires strong tiny boy for being coerced into dangerous life choices and options. Good old Gundam!

Mika isn't a victim so it's fine. This is fine. He is fine. They're all fine. Everything is fine. It's fine.

These poor babies. They're not gonna be okay. 

Thoughts:

This is gonna be a big old thing ain't it? I've seen enough Gundam to know this one is going to hurt and in all the ways other Gundam titles try to tragic but fail. I can see that from way out here in the boondocks.

Mikazuki is incredibly concerning and he and Orga are gonna probably tear each other a part. That's the shit thing about existing in a constant mode of survival. They don't have time for inner reflection and they don't know how do even do that. These babies are already slipping.

Which gives the less-than-palatable title a lot of weight. "Iron-Blooded Orphans" sounds cool I guess but mostly it's sad. What a sad thing to see from an outside perspective. It's strength for them, it's pride, I get that, but I don't think as the viewer I am meant to buy in. Or shit, lol, maybe I am but I'm just a reserved asshole. I like to think I'll be hurt less later if I point out I can see the plot trembles now but we all know that's not true.

Very interested to see what Kudelia grows to do in all this. She'll remain political and maybe teach the Orphans about talking about their feelings - I dunno. She'll do something, obviously, I just have no clear idea /what/ so far. Which is fair, only episode three.

The handsome kid with the earrings (don't remember his name, too scared to search it) is definitely bisexual though. That's facts. Sorry.

Looks like this series will forgo the expectation of some pilot screaming about peace while blowing absolutely everything up. Ending of the third episode is a bit on the nose with the thematic line IBO is choosing to walk but I dug it.

Lots to look forward to! Lots will change! I adore the cast which of course makes me very fearful lol. They're hardened kids, they're stuck in survival mode, I can connect with that. What's interesting is their bonds and comfort with each other.

It's safe to assume they're gonna see some wild shit but they will have each other (until they don't) and whose a sucker for found-family feelings? THIS BITCH. 

Gundam IBO episodes 4-7    

McGillis Fareed is a creep, you heard it here first folks. 

This guy is gonna have some wild backstory. He is the unmasked Char dude so. His hair bang is out to rival Orga's. 

~ CINEMATIC PARALLELS ~

I love Akihiro is literally the guy from Beserk. He is pulling an AU role. Good for him.

The children are out here trying to change space future. I love them.

Ohhhh. She is here to teach the lost boys to READ.

Yeah, Orga and Mika's relationship keeps them alive but it can't last. They're gonna get hurt my babies are gonna ndndndnnsn

It's a judging love, a push and shove ya know? They're great protagonists, very compelling. Their relationship is bueatiful in it's own way but a honest writer knows they can't maintain that status quo if the characters are to grow. Especially into adulthood.

Hello cute pigtailed woman doing her nails in space! How can this one show keep treating me so well? Haha! 

 *famous last words, probably*

Okay there is some background mechanic guy and I haven't caught his name yet but he is blonde and styling a swoop do over one eye and his voice actor is so friggin familiar even just the like few lines he has had so far. I'm going on a search wish me luck.

Ahh! Character's name is Yamagi and the voice actor is Soma Saito who was Twelve in Terror in Resonance!  Phew. Okay, back at it go time.

This power couple in the hat and shapely tummy scar, jeez. This show thrives on contrasting character designs but this one is, heh, this is new. Seems out of place almost. 

PS>> Handsome bisexual earring boy is KILLING IT. 

A+ pop into more scenes please thanks

It may be still too early to declare but I think Eugene is in the running to join my idiot son collection. He's got those expressive reactions that I just *clenches fist* that I just love so damn much.

lady pilots lady pilots lady pilots

I know ladies sitting at space computers in bikini tops isn't for any (good) reason but I need people to know that ladies in space would be hanging out in bikini tops for their own fantastic reasons and because I know this I shall accept events.

Idiot Son CONFIRMED

Atra x Kudelia WHEN?! Don't you let me down Mari Okada - I know what you're like!!!

Yamagi the cutie is gay. I'm filled with so much pride. *wipes tear*

These reckless bastard children are gonna be the death of me. 

 I adore how anyone with any kind of heart is moved by these kids. By their shared known history, by their current situation, their guts and their clever gambits.

There is such potential for wonderful storytelling when adult characters are made to stop and consider kids - not as lesser but as whole people in their own right.

Thoughts:

So McGillis Fareed is a creepo. Why do I think this? Well he didn’t bat an eye at accepting a child bride, I consider that a big friggin' tip off. Also, he exudes way too much effort.

I’m still early in the series so I may end up making a fool of myself surrounded by people who already know everything I don’t, but I’ll go ahead and try to explain my thinky thoughts anyhow.

I was only partially joking when I said CINEMATIC PARALLELS.

Pretty sure McGillis is being positioned against Orga and I say this because of their opposing character design and traits. McGillis consistently pulling on his bang was the tip off - hear me out!

The visual language of animation works differently than live action. Naturally by the medium what characters are bottom up designed to do are often times filled with more thematic intent than an actor forming characterization in collaboration with a director/a production. Plus, McGillis and Orga’s designs are intentional echos of one another within their stark differences, which is smart. This is a big cast that has varied character designs which have opposing tying traits (MORE ON THAT LATER) so their differences are what makes them similar.

I think these two leaders are more alike than what I’ve seen so far. I think the point is that Orga’s trials and struggle are more outright visible by his own choice whereas McGillis’ are hidden by him.

Orga never touches his wack hair even though he has a massive killer bang blocking his vision half the time. He isn’t seeking to change what lot he has been given in life and he isn’t trying to hide behind a fake persona. As orga states, “I am who I am.” A child.

McGillis constantly touches his hair while visibly contemplating. This guy is all calculated effort and performance. He isn’t who he presents himself as. Quite the adult.

Moving on to Orga and Mika and this show's brilliant use of opposing character designs: Jeepers Creepers, check out them Peepers edition.

Mika has big eyes. They're great. Because his eyes are so wide all the time it isn't shock we need to worry about with him. It's when he narrows his eyes. We saw this when he tried to choke out Gaelio (which, can I just say, noice).

You know who knows this better than anyone? Orga.

More and more we see Orga turning to Mika for approval, for motivation, for inspiration in his choices and push for whatever the hell it is Tekkadan is going to become. Orga has the smallest eyes of the cast, they're beady and cunning, even more so than McGillis (yikes). I think it's safe to say that Orga observes more than Mika, that Mika just watches things impassively as Orga ascertains what he assumes are Mika's wants.

And it's that type of thing where... The system works. Mika's wide, waiting, eyes keeps Orga on his toes. Keeps him thinking ahead, keeps him and everyone else relatively safe. But! But. There is a undercurrent of disproportion happening. I don't doubt these two love each other. I doubt that they understand their own dynamic. Any shift or change in this system and shit goes south very quickly. So naturally, I worry.

In lighter news OH MY GOD YAMAGI HUH?! Shy mechanic boy loves earring boy as much as I do - we are forever bonded in this way. He is my friend and I want only happiness for him. Ganbatte Yamgai, fuckin' get it boy.

Gundam IBO episodes 8-11

Yes, recap my idiot son Eugene's skills! If Akihiro is the guy from Berserk then Eugene is AU Makoto Tachibana from Iwatobi Swim Club, btw 

The nonchalant babes at the controls are my BFFs.

I love the bit the in opening that's right away during "with all your voice" where Mika and Orga turn pause turn pause turn - what a simple but effective emotional pull, right? gurgle

Oh, it's his harem. Yes. Naturally. Of course. I don't hate this. Am I broken?

ohmygod I think it's because Naze Turbine looks like Ryoji Kaji. I will never be free.

HahahHAHAHAAHAAHAHA! Babies in space! Planting those seeds! HAHAH PLANTING SEEDS okay calming down. What am I to make of the editing in this scene? We've got Atra grasping her Mika charm then we're cutting away to Kudelia I'm freaking out right now.

B-b-b-budget episode! My favorite kind! Play with those jump cuts, yeaaaah!

Naze has a sweet spot for kids and wacky found families. Loves it.

This guy is defiantly space Marlon Brando in The Godfather right? That's intentional right?

This is a really awkward dinner time conversation. :D

Party time! Have fun kids, be safe, you make me very nervous.

Drunk Orga!

*SOBS*

Yamagi is jealous oh no oh my sweet little man oh it's okay!

I need everyone to know I'm deeply emotional about this family of lost boys and their big day and everyone is dressing up and JESUSSS

For a dude with a hat fetish and a harem Naze Turbine is a pretty good father figure so far, huh? He best hope it stays that way. *Whispers* It really is Kaji all over again...

I haven't praised the Old Man yet but Nadi is best and I would kill for him.

Hey, psst, hey in the opening Gaelio bending up into frame while McGillis slyly looks on is some really high quality queerbaiting. Top notch stuff.

These two fuckers hate each other but they like don't care? I don't know. I hate them. I love them. They're stupid make them stop.

The accountant is now like some magical loving math grandpa to all these rowdy boys my heart is so full!

Norba Shino, my love, your insecurities are great and many. Boobs this, boobs that! ... He isn't wrong actually. 

Go team bisexual d i s a s t e r

I'm getting Takaki's back story, he is off to train in the simulator I DO NOT LIKE THIS 

Flustered Orga is just, well it's very good. It's great. It's so sweet I'll put in my tea so I can drink it and get warm fuzzies forever. 

Atra and Kudelia are so good together, they're another pair of characters with contrasting yet corresponding character designs that are just so fantastic!

DING DING DING figured out the editing of the baby scene and yes oh boy seeds were planted! Ecstatic. Don't be a coward show! 

Haha, yeah right.

...Maybe though. Maybe. I think the biggest problem would be Mika because he's, well he is him isn't he? 

Now Takaki is tagging along on patrol and I’m getting Akihiro’s backstory. Great. That’s not ominous.        

BEEP BEEP BEEP an Ahab Reactor duh doy oh jeez oh come on kids 

Thanks for the save Mika! HAHA I was worried. They got me. 

Yes, the set up for Akihiro's brother is lazy but whatever I'm invested. 

 "Come on, come on, come on!" lol this fork tongued pirate kinda looks like a human Momotaros. I'm digging this creep. 

TAKAKI NO!     

Azee is my wife. We're very happy. 

Friggin' Ein standing around muttering and holding Crank's pin like lolol do your job or something.

"All I want to do is kill those boys" like come on Ein no you don’t, just go do some fucking paper work. I'm sure you've been ignoring plenty. 

No. Nope. NOPE. Absolutely not.  

This show knows this isn't okay. It's showing us it isn't okay. Flowers in the Attic is over here touching hot tea pots, like??? McGillis is a creep and he has some junked up plan or scheme or whatever. Blerg. 

Pfft, McGillis is touching that hair bang all "A powerful piece that could shake up the regime" HUH HERR I wonder who?   

These kids are too good and too well adjusted - it's great. I mean, it's sometimes a bit much like in this instance with Akihiro and his bro, but that's also what makes it nice. What makes the show compelling. You trust these characters to trust each other at this point.   

Thoughts: 

The dominoes are setting up and we're getting to that point where almost all the pieces of mystery in the show's opening are all out on the table. Very exciting.

Can't wait to learn what the hell McGillis is up to. He is the exact kind of character I actually really like, because I'm the worst. The child bride is, you know, shitty but I don't think the show is (so far) trying to display it as anything but A Situation™

Frankly, the entire thing with Almiria is (so far!) a play on how these characters are still kind of kids in their own way. Obviously Almira, but McGillis and Gaelio are still at the whims of their own parents and forever will be at the beck and call of their "families".

Tekkadan are more overtly children but they're wiggling out from under another's thumb and carving a space to move around and have some self definition. McGillis is, I can guess, is going to try and do the same for himself (especially after his little chess speech).

McGillis' extreme acceptance of Almiria is partially gross and partially understandable. It's both. Because it is both! Being shitty to Almiria won't gain him any points and he is going to use her, his parents already predetermined that. Eeehhh. Wait and see I guess.

I adore the dynamics of this big cast of characters, the boys feel so real and I live to see them acknowledge one another's strengths and hopes and fears. ;_;

Like most Gundam properties (other than GWing, yeah I said it!) the female cast is a bit washy, a bit too reactionary towards an thus defined by the male ensamble but I don't dislike anyone.

There is a divide between the female characters and the male characters, they share the same physical space but their narratives are not aligned and that's okay but it is a little frustrating. I'm a patient soul and I love (and know) the Gundam franchise so I'm good but maaaan. I really want the ladies to get through on this one. I really want them to want things for themselves beyond being pulled by their boy peers. They don't need to fight. They don't need to yell. Who they are now is good, there is a good foundation. They just need a gear shift, especially in the realization that they're not just along for the ride. And I am mostly thinking of Atra at this point. I love her because she is easy to love but I also know that's through careful positioning and not due to anything inherent in her.  

We will end this bout how I think many of these will end; YELLING ABOUT YAMAGI.

Yamagi is a sweet boy who deserves the world! Norba Shino is a human disaster who (headcanon) is going through a lot of confusing emotional and hormonal stuff right now so please be strong Yamagi.

Gundam IBO episodes 12-14

I love Ms. Merribit. Anyone will tell you I'm a sucker for responsible ladies in pant suits. 

I love these Man Rodi the Brewers use. A good chuby boy in heels.

They made Mika's lunch TOGETHER.

TOGETHER.

My man Nadi knows what's up.

That's what I'm talkin' about! Mari Okada I trust you so much girl.

At some point Orga's tough guy smirk is going to be used in a way that pains and hurts me and I will probably die.

space battle space battle space battle I am a nerd space battle!

The ladies are covering for Akihiro. They want these brothers to reunite. *crying*

Masahiro's voice actor is giving an amazing performance.

Aw damn it.

Episode 13's opening is straight forward but rough: Norba's search crew find Brewer's human debris, passes them over, but those scared kids shoot which causes the Tekkadan kids to react and return fire. It's played straight as being it is what it is - a shit cycle of getting out.

The child solider/space rat stuff is, I feel, primarily used by the show to explore various forms of abusive fallout (which is why the Tekkadan kids fairly well adjusted existence is a little weird but deeply appreciated) and this quick moment punctuates Akihiro's goodbye.

A guest compliments Almiria, "She is like a doll!" 

She is, isn't she?

Kill me.

UH OH she has realized she is nine. 

Let me guess, McGillis is going to be a white knight oh yep here he comes. Great.     

I'm hitting pause and I'm going on a wild ass fuckin' tangent:

I feel younger kids having crushes on older people all depends on how it's handled by the older character, much as in life. Kids crush on adults. They do. That's not like weird or strange. What's important is how adults are made to handle those feelings (if known) and a story can go in so many different directions for so many different reasons and that's fine. That's storytelling. I shall judge all stories individually as they cross my path with whatever elements they have within them. That's how I do it.

So McGillis being charming and nice towards Alimaria is, again, fine and a little icky simultaneously. We know he is stuck. He is not out to ruffle any family plans. He is cucumbering this shit and being as smooth as possible alternative motive I don't know yet.

Alimaria is at the utmost disadvantage here. 

Within their specific scenario the only character we've seen consider her as a person who is also stuck in a hamster wheel of shitty parents is McGillis.

Obviously McGillis is a total shit-bird who is simply being nice because that's what is advantageous for HIM but the show is still (barely, mind you) straddling that line of "This Is Just A Situation™, we'll rip the Band-Aid Later"

McGillis is going to do something absolutely terrible to this girl and I am weary as fuck.

The series is being very manipulative with McGillis' actions here with Alimaria. He is being considerate but he is also stepping over a line.

McGillis is presented as being understanding and seems to genuinely care about Alimaria's feelings which makes him come off as, well, nice and princely. Which is undoubtedly what he wants. Which is what kind of makes him a monster, ya feel me? 

Eh, okay, incoherent late night ranting done. Back to sad boys and robots. 

THESE POOR SAD BOYS. 

This funeral is hitting me in my soft bits I can't deal

And it's followed up by Yamagi x Shino content just rub salt in my wounds JESUS 

UHHHH PARDON ME?!?!?!? I hate this episode! Deaths? Kisses? UGH. Mika is an dummy. He is full of dumb.  

They're making sure to show Atra sneezing though, as if someone mentioned her name explicitly which is just more weird ass editing choices I don't know how to take. What are you trying to tell me?! 

I'm stupid and a low life so I don't actually hate all love triangles. In fact I tend to rub angst all over my body so I can smell like disappointment and unresolved sexual tension but Mika is still a total dummy end of discussion. 

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ┻━┻        

NEW OPENING BITCHES!

MASKED PILOT MASKED PILOT I AM YELLING!

New opening has got it all! Just absolutely everything! We've got a masked pilot; we've got some new looking girl straight out of CLAMP's X/1999 or some shit; we've got sad boy's angry teeth; did I make this? Is this a dream?

Fumitan ain't gonna rat Kudelia out! At least... I don't want her to anyways.

Kudelia is straight up asking this lesbian about men I can't believe her.

Hehheh heeh heh hehe "Dort" hehe 

I adore the weirdness and chafing of Merribit and Orga's working relationship.

Oh my god guys, they're at Fantasy Costco! These girls are gonna clean these stinky boys and make that there ship sparkle. It's girly manifest destiny. 

"So no matter which planet you're on, the bossy ones are scums" - That's my idiot son Eugene who is actually one of the smarter of the idiot boys. 

I love the juxtaposition of these colony adults drinking the juice on the political Mars girl and her mighty teen protector warriors out to save them when it's really them asking lesbians for advice on men and trying to survive and crying when no one is looking. 

I'm serious, Orga is borderline terrified of Ms. Merribit. She's just another pair of waiting judging eyes for him and he doesn't know how to deal with her because she actually SAYS STUFF. 

Biscuit you be careful baby, watch your back. 

Loooooove the juxtaposition of these colony adults being super psyched to get blown up and these kids are like "Christ almighty, put that down!" 

Shino helping Yamagi escape (~˘▾˘)~ 

These boys are out here doing their job, doing their best, they're on their best behavior and they've been set up. My precious children! They've done nothing wrong, ever! 

"Maybe I'll change the way I talk, huh? ... No, I will not do that." Goddammit I love McGillis and I'm sooooooooooo mad about it.  

Thoughts:

We've had Snake-Man-Pirate suggest to Mika that he enjoys killing but we haven't really been given any evidence of that. I'm sticking to my self-made theory on Mika's eyes!

He has that big wide stare most of the time, Mika doesn't actually have much personal investment in most of what he does. He doesn't love killing, but he doesn't have any real opinion on it either way. It isn't like when he choked out Gaelio or, now, kissing Kudelia.

I'm full power launching myself into deep fannish space because that's how I media but like, I'm not crazy right? Mika's eyes are IMPORTANT. They're about all we're given in understanding him, which is wild for the main Gundam pilot protagonist. The emphasis on Mikazuki's eyes within his design and being the only markers the audience is given when it comes to inner choices is a big gambit. We're 14 episodes in and don't have much of a grasp on Mika and I think that's because he has never once self defined. He is the ultimate of the poor sad robot boys. Akihiro is struggling with his humanity and the label of his existence ("human debris") with all the characters starting to find space and time to turn inward and then there is Mika.   

I don't think he knows how to live life while not only trying to survive. So, what's going to boot his self defined existence online? Piloting Barbatos? Kissing girls? Familial love?    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

McGillis being a masked pilot this late into the game with no charade about "Who can it BEeeeEEeE?!?" is my favorite thing. Haven't even seen him in an episode yet just a preview but oh, it's my favorite thing.

We'll end this short thoughts binge on the beauty that is Yamagi and why I am somewhat upset:

IBO has a very tight turn around of set up and follow through. There is (I'm assuming) a longer, slower set up with end game (probably tragic) follow through happening in concordance with the two episode story arc rhythm the series has going so far.

Quick simplified examples can be

Akihiro mentions his brother > we meet his brother > his brother chooses to die/save him > kids learn some on how to handle grief. 

Turbine has a harem > everyone accepts this > kids learn some on how to handle a found, self defined family.

The pattern is "If the kids meet a thing, that thing becomes possible."

We ain't seen no men loving men. We've not come across a viable example in the narrative of that being a option or choice or possibility. 

There are a lot of episodes left and this isn't like a make or break situation for me, but we are inching up on the set up stage being over with and if there is no example, no proof, of men being able to love men then...? I'm hesitant to invest.

I still will invest hook line and sinker, this is Gundam and damn that’s what I do 

BUT! 

That's also just so frustrating and sad as well as being, haha, believable. If there is no example encouraging Yamagi to approach Shino and no example for Shino to see acceptance then they're just gonna run out of time or figure their shit out too late.

Which is so very extremely stressful and masterfully manipulative how dare you I'm so impressed but mad and hurt and god I hope I'm wrong and off and have not tapped into this show's core of foreshadowing or whateverthehell.

Yamagi is a sweet boy who deserves the world and Norba Shino is a human disaster and I suffer for them.

[linane-art]

Thank you.

Last Monday I posted a tiny teeny post about having some sads.

I had some builders in, they did a poor job and generated loads of mess, which still hasn’t been sorted. One of those rare moments when I don’t actually like living alone and having to deal with everything all by myself.

But the response I’ve had was nothing like I expected. It was amazing. Spectacular. Deeply, deeply touching and humbling. It’s astonishing how many people care.

In no particular order:

@brandywinebridge-twentymiles came by to have a little chat and checked in for days to make sure I was okay. She’s the sweetest human being. And then she wrote me a thing, an amazing thing in my favourite ‘verse. She didn’t have to, but she made me a thing coz she wanted to.

@hawkguyhasstarbucks sent cute animal pics, chatted and then top top it all off made me a thing!! Lookit the geology bbs! Lookit those little idiots. Lookit the PERFECT T-SHIRT. Heh, so precious <3

@oursesolitaire went out of her way to write me a cute little FiKi thing. She doesn’t even normally write FiKi. Honestly, that means so much to me! I’m sure she had more important things to do, and other things she’d rather be writing. But she went for FiKi, because she knows how much that pairing means to me.

And @vennor. She’s just been amazing. A real friend (I hope I deserve to say this) who’s been keeping me company all day long, chatting and fangirling about the boys. She also introduced me to one of her older stories, What The Water Gave Me, which for a few days took me away from my life (AiDean - if you’re okay with this pairing, seriously go read it. It’s so powerful, so full of feels! You’ll love it!). I feel creative once again as a result. I feel like I don’t have enough time in my life to do all the things I want to do. And that, along with companionship, are the two most precious gifts I could have been given.

@nelioe has also written me an amazing little thing! I’ve been so spoiled, honestly! I can’t share with you, coz it’s on a chat (you should post it!). It is adorable and it features cuddles in bed and warmth and closeness, which are all my ultimate kryptonite - how did you know?! I must be getting predictable :P

@bluemountainlove64, @durincrafts, @gosiamahoney and lots and lots of other people dropped by with good wishes and vibes too - thank you all so much!

And somehow, between all those things I don’t feel so alone any more. You can’t possibly understand how much that means to me.

I can re-paint and touch stuff up. Sometime. The world hasn’t ended. I have thinky thoughts about how to change my life to achieve some of my dreams sometime in the future. I have drawn a little and I’ve written a little. I’ve been on a little hike today and loved it.

This last week I’ve had more positive interaction with you lovely folks than the last 6 months put together. I don’t think you people quite understand how amazing this fandom is. 

And what have we learned from this excercise? Talk to each other. Lean on each other. Share and offer support. Make nice things for other people without any reason or prompting.

You never know - you may discover an amazing story, you never knew you needed in your life, you may find a friend. Or you might just feel stronger for it. :)