#it looks so cool he is so cool WAAUGH

[cherry-bomb-ships]

I think that he probably wouldnt want to/know how to ask me for affection when I'm preoccupied with something else, so usually he'd just walk up and initiate but sometimes he'll just stand on the other side of the room and stare at me like this until I notice him

[trixcuomo]

Final?? Org Daily Mail Interview With Trixany Cuomo

Approx. 10 min read. The Org Daily Mail liquors Trixany up and let’s ‘er rip. BTW Trix has a guild tag now, but I did leave her unguilded for a while and it inspired me.

Alternate title: Free Trixany!

Org: So, Trixany…

Trix: Eyup.

Org: Eyup.

Random Orc #1: …Eyup.

Random Orc #2: Uh-huh. *hands out the beer*

Trix: Wow. Kaja Cola makes beer? Nice. *has a big sip*

Org: Sort of. Miss Trixany Cuomo, thank you for joining us again.

Trix: Yeah. Being here for the second time is… meh. I guess. And I figure the Trixany versus the Org Daily Mail, love-hate relationship thing has to end sometime, right? You know, this Kaja Cola beer is unusually good. It’s even giving me ideas!

Org: Well done, Trixany. You’ve earned a toffee.

Trix: Haha, nice! *spins in her swivel chair*

Org: Let’s get to it--

Trix: Ooh! I know a girl in another video game who says that. She’s good with a whip. And if I ever, as a video game character, did a cosplay of another video game character, like inside my game? It would totally be Franziska Von Karma.

Org: What… the heck are you talking about now, Trixany?

Trix: *gulps more Kaja Cola beer from the can, swivels*

Camera man: *chuckles*

Org: *starts ignoring Trixany* Alright. So, a lot has happened since the last time you were in the Org Daily Mail studio. Care to explain?

Trix: Oh cool! Yeah, I was wanting to talk about that—wait, do you mean about my glam fishing project?

Org: Welp, this episode will be boring and drop our ratings then… *mutters, annoyed* No, tell us about something more… spicy.

Trix: Okay so, me and Haris Pilton finally had that knock-down, drag-out fight that witch deserved. But then, someone got cute and put us in the same ghetto Lower City Hospital ward. *shrugs, swivels* Which only led to a re-match.

Org: Woah. That’s awful, Trixany. We’re so sorry to hear that someone out there finally took a swing at you… *winks at the camera*

Trix: No, she’s the rotten one. After her little dog stopped being cute, Paris stole my pet dragon whelp Nautistrasz, saying it wasn’t ‘my brand.’ And I told her that her brand is trashbags and Febreeze! Then, she hit me. *tears up* I’m a Bloodknight. She started it, I finished it. Retribution comes with the territory. *sips her beer, calms* Anyway, it ended on a good note. After they transferred me to Scryers Hospital and my recovery was almost finished, I figured—hey, I’m already in here. Might as well get some work done. And there are some treatments you can only get for a good price in Outland. Can you see it? I sort of have a new face now, like that Kardashian girl. *puckers* It’sh shubtle, but alsho mega poutier, shee?

Org: Uh… Hokaaay...

Camera man: How do we trick her into talking about the really good stuff that’ll get her jailed again? Try that!

Org: Ah! So, I see that you’re currently guildless. Isn’t that a bit shameful for someone at your level? A bit… sad? Aren’t you lonely? Angry? Angry enough to start fighting people, or to start some other crazy drama? Maybe shave your head? Attack a Goblin trike with a baseball bat? Punch a camera man in the face like Kanye while you’re walking out of the Mankirk’s Wife Memorial Airport*, right at the heart of Orgrimmar?!

Camera man: Or, you could not encourage her to punch me in the face…

Trix: Wait, is the zeppelin… place… is it called that?

Org: Yeah, it’s pretty sweet. The new zeppelins are now tricked out in all those Quilboar hides that were just piling up in the Barrens, but few people know. Actually, we’re going to start calling it Mankirk’s Wife Memorial Airport after we crash the zeppelin master’s association dinner and finally expose them. Can’t wait. Muahaha…

Camera man: Yeah, you have to tune in for the next episode!

Trix: Mhrm, *files nails* I figured that seemed more like something -you guys- would do.

Org: Now, about you being guild-free and ready to hurt people and also raise our ratings?

Trix: I know, I know, whenever you see someone max-level without a guild tag, it’s like… I dunno, seeing someone who’s clearly not wearing a bra and it’s kind of awkward? And also kinda hawt. But I think you guys can handle that from Trixany. Like right now. We’re hangin’ out and everyone’s fine.

Org: … Wait.

Camera man: Woah. And now, this episode is being banned in Thundberbluff, the Exodar, Stormwind… Not Goldshire, for some reason.

Trix: Being guild-free is liberating, it’s wild! Another thing, being guildless is like being bra-less in that it’s also nobody’s bloody business. I tell those haters, ‘Don’t spam me with your life advice—I look great!’

Org: *clears throat and carefully looks her in the eye* Well, um. But don’t you sometimes feel like you need… more support? Social support, I mean.

Camera man: Sure, Bill. Whatever you say, Bill...

Trix: Nah, I got friends. I still hang out with all the Kaja-Cola girls, too—Actually, there’s talk of us re-forming our girl band. Our new single is going to be unbelievable. Mega Meghan Mango and I wrote it. I think we’re calling it… Roleplay Got Back? It’s the cutest song. And scandalous, yet empowering. And hilarious. Which is like, exactly my brand. Stupid Haris….

Org: Wait, let’s go back to the free Trixany thing—

Trix: Wanna sample? I know one of the verses. Let’s see… *turns her rose red RET HO snapback the other way, and gestures aggressively* My emote anaconda don’t want none unless your roleplay got buns hon!

Org: STOP!! Now, about your lack of a guild… Ratings… need ratings… Trixany! Wouldn’t you be more comfortable if you went around in a um…? And, I mean, I’m a guy, but still-- aren’t there benefits to having one of those… *trails off, looks her cautiously in the eye again* Anyway! I’m just saying, we here at the Org Daily Mail, a quality family show, are very concerned because, without a bra-- a guild! Without a guild, you might stick out too much—No! What I’m saying is, you won’t fit in with other people! And you get less experience. Your mail doesn’t get delivered as fast, right? And aren’t there certain battle pets and other stuff you won’t be able to buy? Is being an individual really worth it?

Trix: I think I stick out just fine. Also, I have plenty of amazing experiences, the mail man always visits me first, and I walk right up to the front of the line at the auction house. They just let me. I even get a discount. Thanks, Drezmit! He’s taking me out this weekend. Aww, isn’t that so sweet of him? He says he’s been worried about me.

Org: *Tries hard not to laugh*

Camera man: Holy crap. I think she’s actually onto something there.

Org: Hold on. *feigning serious again* Are you… saying that you planned this? Going, let’s call it ‘tag-less’, is a real strategy for you?

Trix: Either that, or I just don’t care. *gulps more beer* Do you know what? Maybe it’ll be like that ‘I kissed a girl’ song or that thong song and everyone will start dropping their guild tags for the realer benefits, am I right? I mean, you’ll go to Club Night Owl and be like dancing, and then some hottie without a guild tag will walk in, and then they turn up the music, shine that spotlight, and suddenly everybody just drops their guild tags too, and parties even harder!

Org: Yeah, that won’t happen.

Trix: It could trend, you don’t know. Like glam fishing. I will force glam fishing to be a trend if I have to. Ouch! Sorry—kinda TMI I know, but this bra has been pinching me all day.

Org: Sure it is and I guess I’ll finally ask you… What’s glam fishing? Is this like a low-budget glamping that only Horde B celebrities would be into?

Trix: Seriously? Someone is finally asking me? Yes! Oh goodness, now I’m nervous. I invented it myself, it’s so cool. And it’s perfect if like, you feel your toon, IC’ly, would never dirty their hands with fishing, like me. Well, first, you find a beautiful fishing spot. Next, and this part is most important, you--

Org: Wait, nevermind! My camera man here says we’re out of time. *fake smile* Trixany, we can’t thank you enough for coming into the Org Daily Mail studio and telling us how you are. We care so much and we’re so glad that you’re out of rehab now and doing the topless thing—

Trix: It wasn’t that kind of rehab, and I would never do that! Why would you say that? Are you somehow twisting my words? I thought our last lawsuit settled this! *her speech slows* Wait, whyyyy did I blaaather on the way I did? What’s in thiiiiis friggin’ beer? And WHY did you saaaay this episode was being banned eeeeveryplace but Goldshire??

Org: And thank you all for watching! Remember everyone, the Org Daily Mail cannot be held liable for any gross misinterpretations of what its employees actually said and did today in the studio. Org Daily Mail is also a subsidiary of the Kaja-Cola Corporation: ‘We don’t exploit our workers, we exploit big flavor!’ *cheesy TV grin* Now everybody, you know how it works. Let’s say it together!

All: FOR THE HORDE, AND GOOD NIGHT!

Trix: Waaugh! *Falls out of her swivel chair.*

…

*Note:

Special thanks to a random stranger I talked to a whiiiiiiile back on an alt for the Mankirk’s Wife Memorial Airport idea. Sadly, I can’t remember your name! I joked about all the Quilboar hides piling up in the Horde probably going into the airport in Orgrimmar; that our zeppelins would be covered with them. And then, they laughed and said that if I saw the zeppelin towers as an airport (and it SO totally is) then it would have to be called Mankirk’s Wife Memorial Airport. I can even see Blizz putting a sign up there that says it. Can’t you? Okay so… possibly. And also some NPCs curing Quilboar hides as well as towing parcels… It’s kinda goofy, but I love it. Thank you, kind stranger! I hope it catches on. Another reason why I love this game. Random encounters with really, really fun people. Hahaha!