#it looks like the block is more on the fanart department

[pixlokita]

Mermaid and kelpie doodle to fight an art block

[lampmanliveblogs]

Looks like we’ve got a couple of entries by Luz in various stages over the last few years. I’ll go over all of them, starting with the first one.

Right, so they just moved into this house. Camila, in an effort to protect her daughter from a harsh reality, says it’s because the old house wasn’t pretty enough… but little Luz figured out that it was probably because there was a better hospital for her dad close-by.

Despite being more savvy than Camila gave her credit for, Luz is still bright-eyed and optimistic and her clothes are colorful, a stark contrast to the next entry.

I guess this also confirms that Manny died in an illness, not in a sudden accident or the like.

Some speculation on the timeline… I can’t remember if it was stated when Manny died in Reaching Out, I don’t think so. But it obviously took place a few years ago, long enough for Luz and Camila to make a tradition out of gathering flowers to place on Manny’s grave. So I’d say this might have taken place three to four years ago.

The next entry is far bleaker. It is the worst week ever; the week her father died. Compare with the last entry, and this one is not just bleaker in tone, but also in color. Luz shirt is raincloud grey, her smile is gone and so is the spark in her eyes. Even the wall behind her has lost their warm orange hue and become coldly grey.

This entry probably takes place a few months after the first one, based on Luz teeth having grown out, and her haircut. The room behind her is still pretty barren, a moving box still left in the corner and the wardrobe almost empty. Likely  symbolic of how the house doesn't feel like a true home yet, not without Manny.

At the end of the entry, she holds up the first Good Witch Azura book, saying that her dad gave left it for her. Finally giving some context into why Luz loves that series so much. It connects her with her departed dad.

The counselor or whatever he was that appeared in Camila’s nightmare earlier in the episode might’ve been right in that Luz' obsession with escapist fantasy was her way of dealing with grief. At least to some extent.

The next entry takes place not too long after the previous one, though some time has obviously elapsed. Though the pain is likely still fresh, Luz has found it within herself to be happy and excited about this book left to her by her dad. The moving box is gone, and the walls are now adorned with Azura fanart and posters.

Again, at least a few good months have passed, maybe even as much as a year. Luz’ hair has grown out, the Azura posters are joined by other series, and the wardrobe is full with clothes. There are winter clothes in the wardrobe, so this entry was probably recorded in spring or summer.

The ”Soul Devourer” poster is an obvious reference to Soul Eater. It’s blocked by Luz’ arm in this frame, but there is a poster that says ”It Came From The Dirt.” Which could be a reference to the 1953 sci-fi horror movie It Came from Outer Space. It could also be a reference to the horror action game from 1989 called It Came from the Desert, OR the 2017 movie named after the game.

Also, Luz, please don’t try to cut your hair with a sword you got at a convention, it’s not gonna end well.

I told you so Luz.

You know, out of all the lore drops I was expecting to get, the mysterious origins of Luz’ hairstyle was not one of them. They will really give the me the origins of everything but Bat-Queen, huh?

[b0nelessdoodles]

Art Summary 2023

shoutout to the one month were i drew fanart and then everything else was just dnd content again lmao (also shoutout to me being late to posting this haaaaa)

2023 wasn't the best year for me personally. between money problems and job searching, health issues, mental health issues, unintentional discomfort at my new job, and the overall issues of the world it just hasn't been great and I felt it heavily in my creativity. I never really had any creative highs this year outside of artfight (and even then i felt like i didn't do well) which only fed into some of the issues I was having.

But looking back I am really happy with most of what I made! Sure I didn't draw much but hey I think I popped off when I did!

So here is to 2024! Already off to a good start in the art department and even if I slow down at least I've had fun so far!

(i was gonna put me gushing about things in tags but its a lot so i'm doing a read more this post is already so damn long lmao i'm sorry)

okay i'm here to gush about two pieces at a time and their contents cause then make me happy to look at so lets get started on that with march and september 'cause hey! look at the relationship development of my little goblin guy!

march was when kk (tic's best friend and now boyfriend) first appeared to the rest of the party outside of just tic talking about him. literally the entire party could see that kk was in love with tic and was just like "oh buddy sorry about that" 'cause tic was a dumbass and romance was just never something he thought about until meeting the party. then we flash forward to september where the two confessed to each other after what really felt like the end of tic's story arc. at least it felt that way to me 'cause he reached his goal of killing groll and becoming the king of goblins but i know he still has shit to do I'M LOOKING AT YOU TRAVELLER AND RIP! but yeah that was the whole reason he left and it was done. he did it! but it almost cost him kk and the two ended up having a really important talk about it. kk chewed tic out and spilled his guts and i still think about it a lot holy shit it was so good omfg but it was in that moment that it clicked for tic. that if he had actually lost kk he had no idea what he would do, that he felt like his whole life would fall apart without him. and just man it was good wholesome content. congrats to the goblins for being the first canon relationship! (even tho they were not the first confession that one goes to rhami!)

now that that block of the text is out of the way we get to more depressing ones, those being january and october with my guy, dr. cecil wilfree.

its just.... man. what do i even say about him. january was probably the last moment before his life went into a full downward spiral, eventually leading into his demise. that piece isn't even anything major but rather something like a reminder going "hey, remember when wilfree had two normal eyes? good times!" and just man (-insert that image of a horse standing on the beach-) compare that to where he's at in october and knowing what happened in those 10 months? january he still had trust and hope, he believed that he was going to get back home and help river out with his plague, maybe even get aster home if she'd let them, maybe find a way to cure himself and help casey. but by the end there was no hope and he found out that he had been used, was nothing more than a tool for someone who he trusted, despite knowing that he really shouldn't have. river was dead and it was his fault (at least in his mind it was), he had failed to protect aster and traumatized both her and willow, and he could do nothing to save an entire population from being wiped off the face of the map. and he caved under the guilt. he gave up. its sad to see him alive and pissy in january and then look at december and see a shell of the same man, no more thoughts in that head as his mind got disconnected from his body and self.

and then for extra sads we've got december which was his birth month, so i drew something from a time before the campaign. back when he was alive and well, no soul curse and unknowing of the horrors yet to come, and receiving a gift from someone whose life he could soon destroy due to his own hubris.

anyway! pay no mind to may! i didn't draw a damn thing that whole month!

[withapencilandlove]

!Rules + Info!

Welcome to the blog darlings! Please make sure to look at the rules before talking to us! Be a good cookie now!~

Basic DNI:

If you are Homophobic/Racist/MAP/Proshipper

Please do not use your Personal Blogs to interact with this blog, if you don't have a RP Blog, use Anon. If you send fanart, tell me the name of your blog.

Fandom/OC and OCxCanon/RP Anti. Please don't bother, this is literally the whole blog.

Hate for the sake of hate. You will be blocked.

Info About The Blog:

All art shown in this blog is made by the Admin unless stated otherwise. Please do not steal it. If you wish to use it, ask the admin.

Admin is 20 and would prefer to RP with adults. Children make me uncomfortable, sorry. Although anyone is more than welcome to send an ask.

Although the user is an adult, this blog will not show any explicit NSFW. If you wish to RP NSFW and are an ADULT (might ask for proof, so don't try shit, kids-), DM the Admin.

Speaking of which, Admin is very much more comfy with RPing on Discord than DMs, so if you'd like that, i shall tell you my username in DMs.

It is totally fine to ship your OCs,AUs and Canon characters with mine! Let's get creative!

Whenever Admin is the one speaking, they shall use (these).

All characters shown on this blog are of age unless explicitly said otherwise. And that includes tiny baby, he'll be written as of age.

There will be mentions of Violence, Abuse, and Suggestive Language, but nothing explicit,so BE WARNED.

Be patient with your answers, Admin is a very busy person.

This is an explicitly BATIM/BATDR blog, do not bring other fandoms into it.

Admin is quite shy when it comes to starting RPs, so if i follow you, i most likely would love to interact with you, so do not ever be afraid to approach.

I'll most likely be updating these rules as i go, so please keep your eye on it, i'll pin this post.

About the Main Character of the Blog

Name: Jo

Age: 25 (Entered the Cycle in 1949)

Pronouns: Any

Sexuality: Pansexual

Job/Role in the studio: Animator (1941-1948) / Art Department Co-Director (1943-1948)

Relationships:

Good friends with Henry and Audrey once they enter the cycle.

Cautious/Curious/Enamoured with the Ink Demon.

Doesn't know how to feel about Joey.

Doesn't like Sammy Lawrence.

Despises Wilson.

Backstory:

As a young kid, their family immigrated from Portugal with the help of Joey Drew's family to escape the new dictatorship that formed, in hopes of making a better life for themselves.

One faithful evening their families met up for a christmas dinner where newly sucessful Joey met a young Jo, and they quickly get along over their shared interests in cartoons. Joey ends up showing them "Little Devil Darling", and Jo was hooked on the little devil darling right away, grabbing a pencil and paper and drawing Bendy, to which Joey joked that once they were older, Jo might just get hired to work on his studio, to which Jo was more than happy to accept without question.

Years go by and the two become very close friends, where Jo views Joey as a second father figure, and their art skills grow more by the years, just like their love for their friend's cartoon. Somewhere in their late teens, Joey finally let's Jo become part of the animation crew, to which Jo was super excited for, and told him he would not disappoint him. And in less than half a decade, Jo had proven themselves to be an admirable employee, to which Joey promoted them to Art Department Co-Director, where they worked until the unfortunate closing of Joey's studio.

Deeply saddened by their friend's failed empire, Jo was there to comfort Joey through his tough times, and on one of those faithful nights, they end up finding out about everything that had been happening behind closed doors. Conflicted, Jo had an argument with the man, and ended up being pushed onto the machine on accident by Joey in a fit of rage. The last thing they saw from the real world was Joey's mortified face as he tries to reach for them, but was too late.

Now inside the cycle, Jo roams around the halls trying to survive. But why do they have color? How do they create their little friends??

Ask to find out!

Thanks for reading and have fun!!!

[harmonizingsunsets]

I'd Rather Go Blind & Let My Body Go Numb Than To Lose You Or The Weight Of Your Love

Prompt: Jealousy and all its cousins. Fanart Credit here.

Read on Archive here.

Anthony never thought he'd be the kind of husband who needs to know where his wife is at every moment of every day.

(To be fair, he never thought about being a husband much at all until the season he'd pursued Edwina only to fall maddeningly in love with Kate).

But here he is, sitting on the couch with his feet drumming loudly against the floor, staring intensely at the door.

On the table beside the couch sits a cup of tea, cold and untouched. Anthony had someone from the kitchens prepare it for him, but his nerves made him unable to stomach anything.

Anthony looks a mess. He'd been raking his hands through his hair for the past two hours. He'd also slapped his cheeks once or twice to stay awake.

His jacket lay discarded and wrinkled on the ground near the door. He feels guilty, knowing one of the maids would have to press it. However, he can't gather the desire to move from the couch and retrieve it. 

Instead, he's glued to the couch as he considers where Kate is. A hundred different scenarios run through his mind—each scenario worse than the last.

For the past month, Kate has been disappearing at night. He hears her footsteps tiptoeing past his study when he stays up to work. He feels the weight from her side of the bed lessen as she stands and departs from their bedroom when she thinks he's fallen asleep.

At first, Anthony questioned her about it. Kate would always make up an excuse about needing fresh air or going to see Edwina. But he knows her well enough to know when she's lying.

However, Anthony hadn't ever called Kate out on her deceit. He feared the truth, especially how it might crush him to hear it.

But he couldn't take the not knowing anymore. So when he heard the door close after Kate told him five minutes prior that she was retiring to bed, he made his way towards the front of the house. Anthony watched at the window as a carriage rode away. A hole had formed in his stomach, making him feel hollow. He then sat down on the couch so he could catch her when she returned.

Finally, after what felt like ages passed, he hears footsteps approaching the door. He quickly jumps up from the couch and makes his way to the foyer. When Kate steps through the door, her eyes widen.

"Anthony!" she exclaims in surprise, putting a hand to her chest to steady her breath. "You're up late."

"So are you," Anthony says, crossing his arms and blocking her way.

"I was only walking around to get some fresh air."

Anthony raises a brow. "Really, for two hours?"

Her eyes shift anxiously from his stare. "Has it really been that long?"

"Yes," he answers through gritted teeth, anger rising within him.

"Oh well, it was such a lovely night the time got away from me." Kate stands on her toes, kissing him quickly on the cheek. "Sorry for worrying you."

As she tries to retreat, Anthony's hand lurches out to grab her elbow, pulling her back to face him.

"I've had enough, Kate," he sighs tiredly. "Where were you?"

"I just told you, I was—."

"You've been going out for fresh air at odd hours of the day for the past month. You'd think you'd have your fill by now."

Kate fidgets. "Well, it hasn't just been out to get fresh air. I've been attending engagements. I have a life outside you and this household, you know."

"Oh, I know that, but your engagements don't usually take place after dark and don't require you sneaking out of the house to attend."

"Darling, everything is fine," Kate says, pulling her arm out of his reach and giving him a nervous smile. "You've probably been working too hard. Let's go to bed."

As she tries to walk away again, Anthony pulls her back. But this time, he holds onto both of her arms, forcing her to meet his eye.

"Kate, I know you—perhaps more than you know yourself, and I know when you're lying to me," he says, his voice turning softer—more fragile. It's as if he's a vase that could shatter at any moment. "What I don't know is why."

"I promise that what I have been going out and doing is not anything scandalous or dangerous." After letting out a long breath, a laugh bubbles from her throat in amusement. "Honestly, where I've been going to is nothing to fret over. You're acting as if I'm having an affair or something."

Anthony's heart sinks in his chest. No matter how ridiculous the prospect sounds, he can't help but whisper the question that's been plaguing his mind these past few weeks.

"Are you?"

Kate's mouth falls open, her face paling. "Anthony, how could you think that?"

"It's the only explanation I can think of," he says, stepping away from her and beginning to pace. "It explains why you've been coming back so late and being so evasive these past few weeks."

"Anthony—."

His legs go weak at the affection in her voice. Anthony falls to his knees in front of her and takes hold of her hands.

"Just tell me, Kate, I cannot bear it," Anthony says, hating the way his voice wavers. "I cannot bear the thought of you finding pleasure in someone else's arms. I cannot bear you leaving our bed because you'd rather be in another's. I cannot bear the idea of someone else touching you, loving you, or kissing you."

He brushes his lips against Kate's knuckles, causing her breath to hitch. Anthony pulls his lips away, but just so his fingertips can swirl circles on her palm. When his thumb skims over her pulse, he feels her heartbeat quicken.

"Most of all, I cannot bear the thought of you loving someone else." Anthony swallows thickly, feeling a lump forming in his throat. "I'd die right now if you told me all of this was true."

Anthony has always feared time. He used to compulsively reach into his pocket to grasp his father's watch. Each time a hand on the clock ticked forward, he felt as if an ounce of his soul got sucked away.

But since Kate came into his life, that fear has dissipated. Suddenly, he didn't spend each moment of his life calculating how much time he had left. Instead, Anthony began counting things other than seconds.

He counts the number of Kate's smiles. He counts the number of laughs they share next to one another at the table surrounded by his family. Anthony counts the number of kisses that were slow, stirring an aching feeling in his chest. He also counts each hungry and passionate kiss that sets every inch of his skin aflame.

Most of all, Anthony counts how many times he's lost count around her. He gets lost in the timeless and wonderful enigma that is Kate Sharma.

Anthony feels that fear of time creeping up on him again. But now, he's not afraid of time passing and leading to his demise. Instead, he's terrified that Kate's time of loving him has run out. Maybe, she's found a more deserving man to spend the minutes with than him.

When Anthony braves a glance up at Kate, he expects to see pity. But instead, he's surprised to see an entirely different emotion reflected in her eyes.

Love.

Pure, unconditional, steadfast love.

Kate gets down to her knees in front of him. But she doesn't let go of his hands, holding them tighter.

"None of that is true, Anthony," she says firmly. "I love you, have only loved you, and will only love you."

Her words release a breath of relief from him. But, he still can't help doubting this, not knowing how else to explain her odd disappearances.

Kate must sense his train of thoughts. She smiles gently, moving one of her hands up to graze his cheek.

"I love you so much that I've been waking up in the middle of the night so I can give you the perfect present."

Anthony blinks in confusion, feeling the room that had been spinning become still.

"What?"

Kate laughs, and she rests her forehead against his. "Do you know what tomorrow is?"

It hits Anthony like a whip. All the clues that he'd gathered up to form a horrible conclusion were, in fact, clues that lead to a more justifiable and pleasant one.

"Our anniversary," he answers dumbly.

"Yes," she nods, her face beaming with a giddy kind of delight. Anthony feels lucky that he gets to see it. Her expressions are free without restraint only when she's comfortable with someone. He's glad to be one of those treasured few. "We've made it a year, can you believe it? It seems like only yesterday, I was stepping on your toes at a ball, and you acted like a madman when I got stung by a bee."

Anthony frowns, his forehead creasing. "I did not act like a madman."

"You did, but it led us to where we are now," Kate says, pressing a tender kiss to his lips. "Married and happy."

"I'd like to think it would've happened with the bee or not."

"I'm not sure. You were quite thick-headed about how in love with me you were."

"Oh, I'm the thick-headed one?" he scoffs. "After the night you fell in love with me, you gave your approval for me to marry your sister. How thick-headed is that?"

"Well, I didn't think you'd ever feel that way about me," Kate defends, rolling her eyes. "But I know very well now that you do. You show me with every kind word, every touch, every…" her words drift, cheeks reddening, "Well, you know."

Anthony smirks. "No, I do not know. Please elaborate on everything I do to you that gives you pleasure in vivid detail."

"You're insufferable," she grumbles and puts her hands on her hips. "I have a good mind not to tell you the true reason for my disappearing and keep you stewing in jealousy."

"I don't think you'd like the result of my increased jealousy."

"I don't know, your scowl was fierce, and the fire in your eyes was quite the sight," Kate teases, tracing her thumb over his furrowed brows. "Very becoming, actually."

Anthony stands and pulls her up with him, leading her to the couch. "Why have you been disappearing?"

"As I said, our anniversary is tomorrow, and I was getting your gift ready," she explains. "It's almost midnight. Perhaps I can give it to you a little bit early. I had one of the servants waiting outside for my return. They came in through the back entrance and have already snuck it into your study to reveal as a surprise for tomorrow."

"How sinister of you, plotting with our staff against me."

"Nothing sinister about it. I asked, and they agreed to help me. Unlike you, they think I'm perfectly agreeable."

"Obviously, they don't know you well enough to fear the wicked inner workings of your mind as I do."

Kate stands, gracefully sticking out her tongue and making him laugh. Anthony follows her down the hall into his study. She makes him close his eyes. He feels like a fool, stumbling into the room with Kate chuckling behind him. But, he feels guilty for thinking Kate could ever be unfaithful and indulges her wishes.

He waits for a few moments, hearing her moving something across the floor, before he asks, "Can I open my eyes now?"

"Alright, you bloody impatient man, open your eyes."

As Anthony takes his hands away from his eyes, his heart stops in his chest. He gawks at the painting on a canvas stand in front of him.

"Kate," he utters breathlessly.

Kate chews on her bottom lip, hesitantly watching him observe the painting—no, "painting" doesn't seem like the right word for what it is.

It's a masterpiece, an almost perfect depiction of Kate.

The artist captured the exact fraction that Kate's lips tilt up when she smiles in amusement. Anthony often sees that expression pointed towards him when they're engaged in one of their bantering matches. The color of her brown eyes is just as deep in the painting. They're full of so much that Anthony still wants to explore even after a year of marriage.

In the portrait, Kate's shoulders are bare, the sleeves resting low on her arm. The bottom of the picture shows the scarlet bodice of her dress. But the most alluring part is how the brown curls of her hair flow freely down her neck, cascading like a waterfall.

Anthony has a strong distaste for her bonnets and how society demands she wears her hair up in public. Anthony loves running his fingers through her hair, which probably is why she posed for the painting with it down. That minx knew it would stir a feeling within him that no one else but her has been able to elicit.

"I hired Sir Granville to paint it," Kate blurts out, nervous from how long he's remained silent. "I wanted him to paint it in a private setting because it's a bit…."

"Breathtaking," Anthony answers.

"I was going to say suggestive, but breathtaking is a good adjective," Kate grins bashfully. She steps towards him, her eyes glowing through the dim light of the room. "It's a portrait for your eyes only, no one else's."

Anthony ducks his head. "I'm sorry that I thought you were...I just—."

"Foolishly got jealous of a person who doesn't exist? Yes, yes, you did."

He runs his fingers against the frame of the painting. "I have a mind to hang this in the common area, so everyone can see how lucky I am."

Kate's eyebrows snap together. "You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, wouldn't I?" he asks playfully.

"It might encourage some men to meet the woman behind the painting," Kate notes with a mischievous glint in her eyes, pretending to consider his proposal. "Who am I to oppose admirers?"

Anthony's smirk fades. "You wouldn't dare."

"Ah, there's that handsome scowl," Kate points at him in triumph.

He swoops forward, his arms going around her waist. "You're maddening."

Kate's smile widens as she looks up at him, looping her hands around his neck. "You love it."

"You're right. I do love you. And, I love this portrait," Anthony adds, bobbing his head towards the painting. "Perhaps I should hang it in here. It can serve as a reminder of what's waiting for me when I finish my work."

She leans up a bit on her toes, her hands traveling lower down his back. "You know, I could come down to your study to remind you."

Anthony begins moving his hands as well. As they skim up her body, brushing her breast, he relishes in the sound of her moan. Anthony leans closer, pressing kisses down her neck until he gets to just the right spot. Kate's fingers curl tighter onto his back as his lips apply pressure there, and her body gravitates further against him.

"You're far too distracting," Anthony murmurs against her skin. "Perhaps, the portrait is too dangerous to be in here. I'd get nothing done."

"Exactly." She leans her face back a margin, so Anthony can see that enchanting tilt of her lips the artist depicted. "Why do you think I commissioned the painting in the first place?"

"To torture me?"

"All is fair in love and war," Kate says, grinning at him. "And hasn't our relationship always been a bit of both?"

In response, Anthony kisses her deeply and thoroughly. The sound of his pocket watch ticking starts to fade away. It gets replaced with the sound of his heart, which beats for Kate more than himself these days.

[seostudios]

happy without me: all about luv - h.rj

ALL ABOUT LUV ‣ HAPPY WITHOUT ME

just face it, she’s happy without you. but i don’t believe it, is she really?

paring: huang renjun x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff

word count: 2.5k

info: exes to lovers!au, non-idol!au, college!au, cousin!jaemin

warnings: sensitive themes, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, toxic relationship, mention of rape and sexual assault, sexual assault, explicit/vulgar language 

tag list: @jenotation @luvlyjaemin @woofie-nctzen-fanarts-320 @tzuqui @sunnyrenjunnie @nino7011 @thatanonymousgirl-as14 @minhehe @chrspychan @jimelonji @mykokorobeats4u @aminihhj @jeonjungkat @wishfulldreamss @ilymarkchan @ja3hy4n @beautifulbakerycookiegiant @jisungiepwark52 @sharamanne @commentgirl @littlefluu @chicksung​ @lixseu​ @jenosgirlllll​

a/n: i’m sorry this is so short i did renjun dirty :( i got writers block writing it but it’s ok! ill do better on the next one which is chenle or jeno (prolly jeno) i gotta chekc but yay finally part 2 to all about luv

APRIL IN JEJU

It's been 7 months since you've parted ways with your first love. You two were the supposed high school sweethearts of your year so it confused most of the other students when they found out. Renjun and you were meant for one another but the fact he decided on attending SKKU since had received a scholarship for his outstanding academic records, he couldn't turn down the offer and was determined on enrolling however you were attending Cheju Halla University which was all the way in Jeju City. That was a 55-minute plane ride away from Renjun! Avoiding the future relationship problems to come from long-distance you two would most likely face, the breakup was mutual and you two parted ways at the airport indulging in a rather pitiful hug.

Here you were, walking through the Department of Equine Science, trailing behind your friends Soomin and Mina. It was the first time you decided to skip class and it was thrilling in your opinion, "Come on, they're waiting!" Soomin whisper-yelled. They?

You make sure to ask her who 'they' were since you and Mina weren't standing dumbfounded and possibly in trouble. "The volleyball team dummy," Soomin says skipping to past the classrooms into Gym A. It brought you back to the old times, visiting Renjun during Soccer practice, making sure he's well-fed and not overworked. Quickly snapping out of it you join the girls on the bleachers to cheer on the boys. Although you are able to tell people you've moved on from your first love, you've spent restless nights looking back at your messages, pictures just reminiscing the past.

The butterflies he's caused you still flutter every now and then hoping their commotion was heard and you've finally made the big move back to Seoul but sadly you haven't gotten up and gone yet.

Tonight you were preparing for a mini-quiz, it so happened that Mina shared the class with you. Scheduling a sleepover at Soomin's place here you all are sitting in her living room stuffing your faces with whatever salty and sweet treats her mom had bought. "Oh. My. God." Mina tells you after reading your DM request on Instagram, "What?" you ask confused over what she thought was so extraordinary. She motions Soomin to look at your earning a surprised what the fuck from the girl. "Min-fucking-Ho wants to DM you... He's like one of the hottest guys in our division and has never been seen with a girl so wanting to text you definitely a what the fuck moment. You shake your head before opening the DM request..."He's asking me out for dinner?" You say which Soomin demands you to accept the offer before he moves on. "You've gotta move on from Renjun you know? He won't come by swooping you by the legs asking you for his hand in marriage. He's all the way in Seoul Y/n, I'm pretty sure he's moved on by now with someone else it's time you do too. Now hand e your phone so I can tell him you want to go on that date." Mina tells you after you attempt to reject Minho. She gave you the truth even if it hurt (a lot), you sigh in defeat handing over your phone.

"Can't believe you're going on a date with Minho," Soomin says watching Mina type away. "I know right, lucky girl" Mina replies as you nod. 

APRIL IN SEOUL

Meanwhile, at SKKU Renjun's majoring in Arts & humanities. Languages, Literature & Linguistics which has been taking up most of his time keeping his mind off his recent split. He was devastated the first week but had to obviously push it aside if he wanted extraordinary marks just like in high school, even if he wanted his thoughts to be occupied with your figure in his head he simply couldn't know his classes were paying attention to him along with the other honor students that attended on a scholarship.

"Is that your girlfriend?" Jeno, Renjun's only friend at Sungkyunkwan asked. He's got to know Renjun for who he was today but he's never really opened up about his life before University. Jeno noticed Renjun staring at your recent Instagram post for a little too long to not think you were at least flirting in direct messages. "No," He said quick and panicky before shoving his phone back into his pocket, after relaxing he turns to Jeno. "She's my ex, we broke up 7 months ago." Jeno's mouth goes agape momentarily in realization, "Why? If you don't mind me asking..." He asked the smaller boy beside him. "She went to Jeju for University when SKKU was just a 20-minute train ride from our neighborhood," Renjun replied with a scoff recollecting the memory of the day you told him you got accepted into Cheju Halla. Jeno nods understandingly deciding to continue studying instead of riling him up.

JULY IN JEJU

A full three months have passed and you were still in the first place you were in back in April, heartbroken. Although a lot of things have drastically changed since April it had only made you feel worse about yourself. For starters, you've been 'dating' Minho since April even if you realized on the first date he had only wanted you to fulfil his sexual desires. He's strung his act long enough and you've tried breaking up with the boy for a month now but he won't let you, he's always threatening you "I'll tell the school what type of whore you are."  or something about inflicting pain on someone close to you like Soomin or Mina, which is why you've kept quiet for about the last three weeks.

You were in pulled harshly by the arm by Minho as he pulled you into the supply closet of the Gymnasium, “Minho, I don’t want you to touch me there,” You politely ask the boy who’s currently taking advantage of his supposed spouse. “I don’t even want to date you! Why do you keep acting like this- Let go!” You whisper-yell to Minho who’s trailing his hands up and in between your thighs. "Shut up," He simply tells you before snaking his hand to your mouth shutting you up as you let out a choked cry.

JULY IN SEOUL

"She looks so happy with that Minho, right?” Renjun asked Jeno, scrolling through your tagged post. “I mean from what we know yeah,” He tells him. Renjun sighs, he knew he would genuinely be happy for you if you moved on but it had seemed rather quick. "It's almost been a year, she's moved on. Why don't you?" Jeno asked innocently. Renjun had a gut feeling of some sort; telling him not to move on and instead of ignoring it like you (which brought you nowhere since you're still deeply in love with him) did he's just kept a close eye on you. Shaking his head no he tells Jeno, "Something isn't right about.." He lifts the  phone to the photo of you and Minho, Mina had tagged you in, "That."

DECEMBER IN JEJU

"I promise I'll text you, I just need to get off this freaking island for winter break at least." You tell Mina and Soomin on Face-time, "Okay we will miss you! How did Minho take this? It's your first Christmas together and you leave?" She asked worriedly. You mumble a fuck before looking at the camera. "I didn't tell him," You say earning gasps from the two. "He's your boyfriend though.." Soomin said; "Who doesn't treat me like a fucking human being." Your words were strong, rippling a wave of awkwardness, "I'm fine by the way I’m staying with my cousin Jaemin, but if I don't come back it’s cause he spoilt me into staying."

DECEMBER IN SEOUL

"Merry Almost Christmas!" Renjun screeches before entering his shared apart with his new friend group, Jeno had introduced Renjun to his best pal, Jaemin and Renjun had taken in a very lonely Haechan later introducing him to the two. Today they were all celebrating their first Christmas together with a classic holiday film and cupcakes every day until Christmas.

"Guys we have a guest today!" Jaemin sings opening the door widely to show a shorter girl beside the boy with a suitcase in hand.

"What are you doing here?" Renjun and you said simultaneously as you locked eye contact. "I'm visiting Jaemin, my cousin." You tell him hands moving into the air to point towards the boy, "I am Jaemin's roommate." He responded before getting up from the couch brushing off the crumbs off his lap before walking towards the door to stand in front of you. He hadn't grown any taller still rocking his tiny 5'7 figure, but tall enough to tower over you, who hadn't grown since freshman year.

"She's here." Jeno tells Renjun who's head is under the pillow, "She's here." Jeno repeats, "She's here, She's here," Renjun whispered to himself taking it all in. He always wished for you to get off the fucking island go back into his arms, transferring to SKKU, knowing you had the skill to land a spot without hesitation, but finally seeing you after 10 months of no contact was frightening to him. Why did you seem so brittle? You looked pained, it wasn't his job to care about you anymore, but he couldn't help himself. He loved you more than himself and there's a (humongous) chunk of him that still did. Renjun gets up and sits crisscrossed on the single bed across from Jeno's bed where he was idling on his phone laying down "She's here but she's not here." He said which caught Jeno's attention, his face wrinkling in confusion. "She's not okay, something's wrong. I know it," He finishes getting up to walk out to you- who's catching up with Jaemin in the kitchen while preparing for dinner, stopping immediately as a rush of nerves came over him telling him to stop.

"Hope you boys like Hotteok!" You said facing Jeno and Haechan who were smiling in awe of your cooking skills, "I know Injun and Jaems like it so I made it tonight." You cheerfully smile towards the other two boys. “Glad to see you remembered,” It took a lot for Renjun to even say a sentence to you without having a gaze on you for a little too long afterwards.

It was his chance, he walked out of the bedroom the moment he saw you walk by his door towards the guest room. "Can I come in?" He asked. "Of course Injun," You couldn't believe yourself, being so calm and comfortable with all the tension. Had it really been ten months? He thought to himself as he sat beside you on the bed. "So," He rubbed his thighs nervously "How've you been?" Horrible. You stare down at the carpet admiring it while you figure a way to lie to the boy who knew you better than you knew yourself. "Fine,  I've been..." You sigh avoiding eye contact, "Fine." He looks at you concerned, "You can't lie to me Y/n." Grabbing your hand caressing it for a second knowing it relaxed you a bit in tough scenarios. Suddenly your phone began to ring, grabbing to read the caller id. "Oh, should I go?" Renjun asked after reading the contact name 'Minho' "No!" You shouted quickly grabbed his wrist pulling him back down before he walked out. Declining the call you spoke, "I'd talk to you over anyone any day." Damn, when did I get so smooth You mentally note that smirking to yourself slightly watching as Renjun bursted into a frenzy of laughter, "Smooth," He comments.

"So, was that Minho guy...your boyfriend?" He asked in which you replied with a strong No. "Well," You started "A boyfriend is someone who listens to me someone who values my opinions and beliefs. Someone who is truly interested in what you enjoy doing, or what you like most in life and interested in who I am as a person." You pause to see him grab you hand intertwining your hand, quickly signalling you to continue. "Someone who makes me laugh, or trusts me. But more importantly, disrespect me and force me into," Tears collected in your eyes threatening to fall, "Things." Renjun knows what to do to comfort you quickly pulling you into his embrace, melting when you wrap around him, head in the crook of his neck sobbing quietly. "He made me do things Renjun-ah. Horrible things. I hate him so much, I can't break up with him. Figured running away would've been a better option." He strokes your hair telling you it's okay and to relax. He couldn't help but smile though; he was right. He knew, he knew something was off and made it his number one priority to find out what it was, who would've known you would open up and make your first actual conversation with your ex- whom you dated for a nearly all of senior year about the toxic relationship you found yourself in after him.

JANUARY IN SEOUL

"I got to leave tomorrow." You told Renjun, whom you rekindled an old flame with over your stay. C

"Do you think about me sometimes? 'Cause I think about you sometimes" You asked Renjun looking at him from the mirror, as he watched you do your hair for an outing with your cousin. After that night in your bedroom, you decided on hanging out more and became close friends once more. But the butterflies in your stomach didn't leave, instead, they emitted flying more enthusiastically near him, with him. "I don't think about you sometimes 'Cause I think about you all the time," He said, which made you look down to the floor before turning around to face him. "It made me so jealous knowing you were so far away with that disgusting bastard happy without me" He grabs your hand; which you intertwine your fingers with happily a smile dancing upon your lips watching him reciprocate it.

"Stay." He tells you. You cuddle into his embrace as he caressed the top of your head. The two of your legs entangled under the sheets having one of your midnight talks. "You know I can't," You start quickly zipping your mouth not wanting to go any further, "Students who have outstanding academic records, or who have financial difficulties, who have submitted a complete scholarship application," Renjun said, which just made your jaw drop. Did he do his research?  "You can still enroll for the second semester which starts in two weeks. Have your friends send your belongings." He finished watching as you lifted yourself up resting your head in your palm. "Really?" You asked, breath taken away to say more. Could you really live here in Seoul? With Renjun? "Yes, I can kick Jeno into the guest room while we can have this room all to ourselves." He kissed the top of your hand watching the cheeky smile erupt from you with giggles. "We can be together." You said- asked to yourself, "We can be together" Renjun tells you before pulling you back. 

[reineyday]

bnha characters as volleyball players (au headcanons)

i have never in my life played volleyball outside of gym class and the occasional beach jaunt, so this is all based off of what i learned from haikyuu LOL

anyways, this started as tags from this fanart by @syblatortue​ of deku, kacchan, kiri, sero, iida and shouto as vball players, and then it got away from me so if you wanna read 2.9k worth of headcanons about powerhouse athletics high school UA then go ahead and press “read more” :)

deku's the calculating setter like kenma and he fanboys over stats from the international to the national to the high school

kacchan used to make fun of him and look down on him bc he used to think too much on court to move properly, and as a kid kacchan used to think that it was spiking or bust so he always gave deku grief and bullied him over being slow and weak

in middle school kacchan was a starter since first year and eventually became the ace but deku was always second string setter

his athleticism was nothing to write home about but he was just good enough to make the bench

in their middle school tournament their starting setter got injured and deku had to step in to set for a match for the first time ever

powerhouse volleyball high school coach yagi toshinori is watching and he sees all the aborted plans in deku's setting choices

he sees the gutsy sets that miss and the one successful dump he did that threw everyone off-guard (even deku himself), and yagi remembers what it was like to be hungry for volleyball seeing the look in this kid's eyes and he recognizes the brain on him

their team loses there though bc the fact is that deku wasnt athletic enough to do it and kacchan is yelling and deku's crying

but yagi approaches deku (who freaks out bc all might is THE legendary vball player of their country, and the nation was SHOOK when after getting severely injured by a malicious spike in the wrong place he chose to coach high school vball, even if the school was a powerhouse school and also his alma mater lol)

but anyways deku babbles and fanboys even through his tears and says he got into UA but he's not sure he can make the vball team, and yagi says he sees the potential in deku's plays and if he trains hard every. single. day. from now until the tryouts at UA, he might make at least the bench

(cue montage)

kacchan is angry to see deku at tryouts and fuckn RAGING when deku more or less keeps up bc deku got buff since their last high school match

unfortunately for kacchan he is actually the one most familiar with deku's playing since they trained together in middle school too, and he almost pops a blood vessel just thinking it but ever since deku started actually being able to get to the ball in time, vball has been more fun ‘cuz the things deku ends up doing are fucking batshit crazy and his sets are begrudgingly his favourite to hit

deku sets right where kacchan can just hit the ball as violently as he can, and it sounds like a bomb goes off when the spike hits the ground

(kacchan also obviously has the best serves and he mixes it up with the power ones like his ap shots, or floaters when he's strategic; he knows how to read the opposing team and either wait or serve really fast and serves up high to blind them like his flashbomb explosions, and he’s really arrogant about his serves but at least he can back it up as per classic kacchan)

anyways they become a really intimidating duo, apart but especially together, because despite the way deku still occasionally cowers from kacchan’s rage and kacchan is often yelling and antagonizing deku, they can read each other really smoothly on court and they match each other really easily, and they both go for the really gutsy shit no one else would think to try (like samu and tsumu going for the freak quick with samu setting kind of gutsy)

kacchan is also antagonizing af and calls the other team extras lol

but yeah, those two along with renown olympic vball player todoroki enji's son shouto are the three most intimidating first years at UA

enji has a very aggressive playing style and where he targets people on the opposing team specifically to make them sweat, makes them feel like he’s hot on their heels even from the other side of the net, always glaring, always strong

shouto hates it and hates the way his dad made him train day in and day out just because he had a good reaction time and instincts for the ball when he was young

fuyumi and natsuo were slow as kids and got immediately dismissed bc of it bc to enji if they werent athletic enough for the ideal vball playing style as children then theyd never be athletic enough to beat all might’s vball career and metrics in the future

touya was fast enough but he overtrained and strained his knees and then continued straining them to play anyways till they were permanently damaged, and by the time he graduated middle school, his doctor put him on orders to never ever ever do anything that might be overly strenuous for his knees ever again

anyways, shouto plays very cool and detached, like even when he spikes the ball right into your face you’ll feel like he wasn’t looking; he’s a middle blocker like suna, stays calm but uses his whole body

deku eventually convinces him that playing with fire every once in a while, especially when he spikes, can be a good thing because at the end of the day, his dad may have taught him the tricks but it’s shouto himself who’s playing, and so it’s not his dad’s style, it’s his own

also the spikes just aren’t as good or as psychologically effective if shouto’s not 100p IN it when he goes to spike one of deku’s demanding sets

and im gonna say shouto is ambidextrous but more comfortable with his left hand in this volleyball au because shouto’s left side is his fire side, and it’s more parallel to the character to make his more aggressive spiking hand his left one but still have him be able to use his left hand for spikes too (it’s also SO stressful for opponents bc angles)

also yes he does indeed only play with his right hand (his ice side) when he gets into UA, and is initially very hellbent on proving to his father that he can become a pro vball player without being as aggressive as enji on court and without using his more dominant hand, the hand that his dad’s been focusing on whenever they trained at home, the hand he’s spent hours and hours spiking and serving with since he was like five years old

one day deku notices shouto’s writing with his left hand and then connects the dots and sort of badgers him into spiking one of his sets with his left hand too and then yeah shouto tells him his life story and deku manages to emotionally coerce him into being okay with his left-handed spikes

(shouto also feels better about it when deku points out the left-handed angles thing)

so yeah that’s the big three scary first year starters: calculating and gutsy deku, who occasionally makes plays so gutsy he’s at risk of twisting one of his limbs in a very scary way (he’s always bruised in weird ass places from volleyball); raging, aggressive but also cunning kacchan, who is undoubtedly the loudest on any court he’s on, and ambidextrous hot and cold shouto, who does a pretty solid general defense with little holes but has scary aggressive spikes

btw shouto’s got a fanclub and they call him the volleyball prince

also at one point they totally play a practice match against shiketsu and UA loses bc inasa starts antagonizing shouto for being exactly like his father (inasa asked for enji’s autograph after a match once when he was a kid and got rudely blown off) and shouto gets offended and starts targeting inasa and then they get outplayed (it was a close match though ‘cuz both of them couldnt get their heads out of their asses and both their teams were suffering as a result)

alrighty, the other players in that fanart lmao!

kirishimaaaaa my dude my bro, super solid libero, always pumps up the team, and his defense is unbreakable! will receive even the scariest, most powerful spikes and smile cheerfully through it; will always insist that you’re manly for playing with everything you have and never letting fear get in the way of going for it

his middle school had a huge and scary substitute gym teacher who didn’t have mercy and spiked hard right to the faces of the students, and kiri really wanted to run forward to receive the spike and yell about how unfair this teacher was but he froze because the spike seemed unforgiving and if he received it wrong, what if his nose broke? what if he fell and broke something from the impact? mina didnt pause though and she received the spike and told off their substitute teacher and then reported it to their homeroom teacher and it was so manly of her, he promised himself he would never hesitate just bc of a scary spike again

btw mina’s all-around athletic and could probably make it onto the girls vball team but she’s probably on the UA dance team (UA is a powerhouse school for many sports, and theyre famous for their athletics department bc they often hire (former) pro-athletes to teach and coach)

iida comes from a family of sprint runners and he’s the one they trust for the most running; he’s their first year decoy and he’s fast af for such a big guy, and he often also provides extra block support from zooming left and right

also enjoys helping out the managers and corralling his team into being good students; he’d offer to tutor kirishima but kiri seems to have fun trying to be friends with bakugou lol; he makes it known that he’s there if kiri wants some extra patience to go along with his studies though

sero guess blocks so accurately people like to say that he’s got tape coming from his elbows, bringing the ball straight to his arms so that he can block; actually he’s pretty known for having weirdly accurate control bumping the ball back from places other than his hands (esp his elbows though), like he’s just so aware of his body, and he uses everything he can to keep the ball off the ground so he’s good at general defense

some other people i wanna mention:

aizawa’s their supervising teacher and the first year homeroom teacher (he gets to hear bakugou explode both first thing in the morning AND right at the end of the day, oh joy); all might just coaches ‘cuz he does other former pro stuff during class time, so he somehow ended up in charge of the volleyball club after the previous teacher stopped being able to

he never went pro but he’s a black belt mixed martial artist, and he still does those parent-child karate classes with hitoshi (who is now close to black belt and on the demo team, since they’ve been doing this since hitoshi was like five) and eri (who just got her yellow belt! aizawa is soft)

only hizashi, nemuri, oboro and his kids know this but he’s also REALLY good at doing aerial silk and he looks graceful af when he does it

hitoshi started kinda learning aerial silk when hizashi took him to a rock climbing place that had the silks on the ceiling (dont at me, there’s a place EXACTLY like this where i used to live lmao) and found out they offer classes there, and hizashi laughed and said “yknow your dad is pro at those right”

ochako is their first year manager, and when everyone is confused about kacchan continuing to call deku something so mean, she talks about how the nickname is cute and gives off the impression that he’s trying his best and when deku grins and blushes and seems to be happy with it, the whole team starts calling him deku with the same intentions and fondness behind it

every time other people hear UA calling their starting setter “deku” theyre so confused

nejire is the third year manager leaving and she does gymnastics and dance outside of school

mirio is the ace and his thing is that he is very strong and very precise, and he moves like he phases through the other players

tamaki is a middle blocker that can adapt all kinds of playing strategies pretty fast as long as he’s got time to digest them and decent food in his stomach—he’s a great decoy ‘cuz his spikes are hard and he’s pretty fast too, and while he prefers read blocking, there are a few times he guess blocks and it’s accurate af and kinda scary honestly

tamaki and mirio are also pretty fearsome ‘cuz people start off scared of mirio’s power spikes and serves (btw his goal is to spike a million service aces LOL), and then tamaki kind of surprises them ‘cuz he seems to be able to just? do everything??? (and theyre extra surprised bc no doubt he’ll be talking himself down and doubting himself before the match and the opponents will think like “oh good he’s mentally weak” and he kind of is but also holy shit??? we got blocked AGAIN???) and so they sort of only keep a peripheral eye on mirio while they start focusing on tamaki, and then all of a sudden mirio’s not where you thought he was and how’d he get there so fast and there other players in the way??? and then mirio spikes one in

this isn’t really related to anything else but you BET mirio can bend low and do insanely accurate bump receives from pretty close to the ground like! his thighs and knees are legend

we don’t really know any second year bnha students, but i’d like to think their starting team isn’t just first years, so i’d say like… hm or mb tamaki is starting setter (all the stuff about adapting and easily digesting strategies still applies, as well as his flexible skillset, it just now includes setting) and mirio is his ace, but all might puts deku in a lot more than you’d expect a bench player to be subbed in not only ‘cuz it shakes up the other team to see such a meek-looking kid do these gutsy-ass sets, but also bc it’s good for tamaki’s mental health that he feels like he’s got a really great setter right there supporting him as well, even though he knows (objectively) that he can hold the fort on his own

so yeah, id say tamaki and mirio for sure starters (mirio is captain), kirishima’s a starter (he’s always been really good, he just used to get a little scared off in matches sometimes, but since the thing with mina, he’s been really gunning for it, and also conveniently their last really good libero graduated the year before and they didn’t really have a good backup), shouto’s a starter (he’s lowkey mad about it bc it feels like he’s fulfilling his dad’s legacy and he doesnt want to be), and probably two second years, that feels fair

bakugou’s benched bc his temper’s still a little too unwieldy for the court (much to his dismay), sero’s still patching up holes in his defense, and deku could stand to watch other people’s playing styles, but u bet theyre all fearsome af when theyre on court: deku seems to be the only one that seems to be able to bring out shouto’s terrifying spikes for now; after their first qualifiers, rumours fly around the vball circuit about his angry pinch server that’s so mad he’s not a regular, he takes it all out on his serves and rip the team that has to try and receive them

well okay, so bakugou is the only that i can qualify as actually fearsome bc even when he’s being intimidating sero is a pretty chill dude, and deku looks too nice to really be scary so the opponents usually arent scared until he starts playing and then for them it’s just this internal monologue of “what the fuck? what the FUCK???”

and sero, while chill, is the type to be aggressively cheerful and grin really wide after he blocks and gives you, the opponent, really supportive feedback that sort of still offends you but in a way you cant refute because every word he said was nice and his demeanour was nice too and yet? you kinda wanna strangle him??? and then he laughs winsomely and blocks your next spike too (like, “awh i noticed you have a tendency to follow here when xyz happens, but better luck next time right? that’s usually a pretty good play”)

and of COURSE their school banner says “plus ultra”

ANYWAYS i went OFF lmao i can’t believe i really wrote 2.9k of headcanons for this

i have waaaay more ideas about what the rest of the class and other characters are up to in this au that is powerhouse athletics high school UA so if for some reason you got all the way to the end then thank you and please interact if you wanna talk more about it!!!

[joeys-piano]

Rules: pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions. don’t cheat. tag 10 (or however many) people.

Joey Edit: Mild cheating may be involved

Tagged by: @alice-chan-chan

Tagging: (if y’all want to) @schizoidwire, @somuchanemoia, @feu-eau, @truedespair, @caped-ace, @leftovergarlicbread, @the-not-witch-time-forgot, @chavabear, @ikizais

My Choices:

Yuri!!! On Ice

Detroit: Become Human

Bungou Stray Dogs

Hannibal 

Buzzfeed Unsolved

who’s your favourite character from 1?

Yurio’s grandfather

who’s your least favourite character in 2?

Richard Perkins. My favorite scene was when Hank just knocked the socks off this man.

what’s your favourite episode of 4?

Episode 6 of Season 1 - Entree 

what’s your favourite season of 5?

The Supernatural season. I’m kind of into True Crime, but there’s something about the Supernatural seasons that get my goat every time. I think it’s because the most iconic Shane Madej lines have been uttered in those seasons and in some ways, those seasons feel more memorable to me. I love rewatching the episodes.

what’s your favourite couple of 3?

O D A Z A I

what’s your favourite couple in 2?

Ralph and Kara would feel like a sweet couple to me. I’ve had thoughts where they ran away together with Alice and started a new life up in Canada. Or, at least they tried until they were chased by CyberLife!Connor and Ralph sacrifices himself so that Kara and Alice could be free. Ralph holds off Connor for as long as he can and being a survivalist android, he’d put up a really good fight. He knows where it hurts on an android and he gouges into those places to slow Connor down.

what’s your favourite episode in 1?

Episode 3 I guess?

what’s your favourite episode in 5?

The Demonic Curse of Annabelle the Doll

what’s your favourite season in 2?

I like the Hank and Connor and finding deviants season.

how long have you been watching 1?

I watched in 2016 when it premiered and I never touched it again.

how did you get into 3?

I recently got into it in 2019 when someone I knew I was reblogging fanart for it. I originally heard about the show and watched a few episodes a few years ago. Decided to pick the show back up and watch it for reals this time. More than a year later, I’m still here and making content for it. BSD is an acquired taste. You kind of have to know what you’re getting yourself into before you can enjoy it for what it is.

favourite actor in 4?

Caroline Dhavernas. She’s the actress for Alana Bloom.

which do you prefer? 1, 2, or 5?

SInce I’m still keeping up Buzzfeed Unsolved, #5 all the way! I enjoy being a passive fan for that show and supporting the content creators in the fandom.

which show have you seen more of, 1 or 3?

Considering that BSD has three seasons, a manga, several light novels, an alternative manga, AND a MOVIE, I’ve seen, read, and breathed a lot more BSD content than stuff from Yuri!!! On Ice. The only thing YoI has on me is that I got into the fandom when I was young so I had more time to devote to writing for it. But music-wise and definitely the complexity of the stuff I’m doing now, BSD takes the cake.

if you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

Realistically, I’d be a background character. I would like to be one of the guests that eats one of Hannibal’s exquisite dishes.

would a crossover of 3 and 4 work?

HELL YEAH. 

Oda would be a retired officer at the academy, teaching students and balancing his time between taking care of the kids he’s adopted and going through physical therapy to recover from a nasty knife wound he got a few years ago. When he gets a call from Ango that there’s a serial killer on the loose, Oda knows he’ll be forced to confront one of his demons. It makes sense to him on why Ango called. After all and before he retired, Oda was tasked in capturing a notorious serial killer. A killer named the Marionette, a foul and sharp-mouthed man who could twist anyone with his words and gauze. After hearing from Ango that a recent serial killer has been copying the Marionette's style, Oda comes to terms that he may have to work with the man that nearly killed him if Yokohama is going to be safe.

When Oda descends to the bowels of the Department of Special Abilities, he hardens his breaths and his resolve as he comes face to face with none other than Dazai Osamu. The man, the killer, circles around his cell block and his smile is as disarming as the one he wore before he carved into Oda with a knife. The bandages are gone. There’s nothing to hide. There’s nothing that Dazai can get a hold of to hurt anyone or himself. And yet, Oda doesn’t come any closer. Knowing just how dangerous it’d be if he took one more step.

An old shame riles him up. He hates to admit that he used to love this man, that he’d do anything to have him smile or laugh or feel carefree, to feel those cold fingers laced around his own, or how he loved it when Dazai talked about chaos and philosophy. How much of that was a hoax? Oda doesn’t know. He hates to admit that even after all this time, some part of him still yearns for Dazai. Some part of him misses this vile, conniving, and ruthless creature. But when Dazai looks at him with those soft eyes and says his nickname like its candy in his mouth...oh, Oda knows just how dangerous Dazai can be.

It doesn’t help that Dazai’s wearing a Cheshire grin or that he’s slowly dragging Oda forward. Not even with strings, but simply with his lips. In how he speaks and his words are just as dangerous as a knife could ever be.

pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple?

I can’t think of anyone.

overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5?

Buzzfeed Unsolved.

which has better theme music, 2 or 4?

The music in Detroit: Become Human is pretty good

[leviathiane]

SHOW US YOUR WROR RAW UNPROCESSED WHOLE GRAIN ORGANIC NOTES

this is going to be a long-ass post i am so sorry to Everyone! i take a lot of notes.

So, as You specifically know (as well as all of my lovely Soggers) I take a LOT of notes. Obsessively. I write fucking everything bc i have very little memory and very much paranoia. This results in literal Piles of notes. Raw planning, on paper, on my phone– doodles of scenes im brainstorming, bulletpoints, entire SCRIPTS– it’s all there but scattered (I’ve got scenes planned in the margins of my goddamn anthropology notes and deciphering it was a NIGHTMARE) 

I won’t even upload all the photos of my writing notebook, because itd be like 50 pages of illegible nonesense. but heres a couple of planning phase pages. (may be hard to read, I dropped this notebook both into some tidepools, into a creek on campus, and accidentally leaked my waterbottle onto it in my backpack :/) 

if you can’t tell already, yes they all look exactly like this. Some are even more illegible, because I wrote them with the notebook half under my actual class notes. Because i wrote most of them in class. During lectures. And pretending very badly that i was not doing exactly that. (pay attention in class please i got away with this bc i was filling up elective units) 

I’m also flat out MISSING a large portion of my notes bc some of it? isnt even in the damn notebook. its on a sheet of binder paper, or on the empty back of an assignment. I’ve now lost most of those notes, but the ones i do still have are just as (even more, actually) indecipherable chicken scratch: 

Wow, how clean and tidy and easy to follow! i am in hell. 

and this doesnt mention the PAGES and PAGES of outlines that are on my laptop, and the pages of outlined scenes that are on the notes app of my phone. if i put them all, you would have entire chapter spoilers up to the very end of the story so i cant post a lot of them– and also theres just a goddamn lot of them. currently i have 16 pages of outlining. There are no spacing breaks. It is a solid 16 page block of text. Looking at it gives me a migraine. 

some assorted notes which i have dredged up from the deleted parts of the main draft google doc go all the way back to when i started Wror in June and they are Barely more readable than my handwriting on sheer account of: articulation is not my strength. These include: 

“Ch 8 plan: sabo gets trained specially, awakens his armament haki, beats ace in a bunch of spars and proves himself to be anything but vulnerable. The boys are like “we fucking recognize that technique ryu taught you before us!!” and goad ryu into finally starting them both on basic haki training, just to awaken it, since sabo already has. Also this is the chapter that ace finally confronts ryu for his devil fruit after ryu confirms that some devil fruit users can’t be hurt without haki and ace immediately catches onto that and tries to slam his pipe through ryus head. It doesn’t work, ryu catches the weapon with a haki covered hand, to avoid turning to flame with hit and ace just gets frustrated and accuses ryu of hiding his devil fruit, because he remembers what he saw in grey terminal and that now that he has seen haki he can distinguish it from what he saw and he’s sure no one could do what ryu did. He calls ryu a hypocrite for coddling them even after telling them to stop coddling sabo and ryu has to sit them down and explain that yes he does have powers and he has been hdiing it and explains his reasoning. However instead of understanding th eboys just get fired up and say they don’t wnt to be scared of fire, especially not when it means ryu isn’t taking them seriously in a spar. Ryu finally agrees to start them on desensitization training for fire trauma. Fire desensitization training happens on the beach, so that they have water nearby in case things get out of hand. At some point ace gives ryu a considering look and is just like “if you have a devil fruit that means you can’t swim either right?” and ryu is basically just like “lmao yeah” and then ace immediately attempts to drown him. Lots of murder attempts in ace’s department toget his older brother to be less of an idiot with little success lol(extra: ace tried to attack ryu earlier both to confirm that ryu has a devil fruit that would force him to use haki to hide it, and because he now knows that he CAN’T hurt ryu without haki and as thus can’t beat him and make him admit he’s awake without being good at haki.)” [chapter 8] 

“Small sabo lost his hat and goggles in the incident and while he doesn’t remember having them future sabo notices he looks uncomfortable and keeps touching his hair and head. Ace yells at him for it thinking he bandaging are bothering him and that he can’t touch them but little sabo just comments that something about it feels wrong. Luffy blurts our that he had a hat, like luffy does, But he doesn’t now ace begrudgingly mentions that they can’t get a new one in town. Future sabo doesn’t even hesitate and just plops his own hat onto his younger selves head. It clearly too big for him, and almost falls over his eyes but he grins up at future sabo and is like “wow!! Thank you! I’ll take care of it till I have one of my own” and creates a paradox like Luffys own hat. The footsteps younger sabo has yet to fill. This HAS to happen AFTER the talk where they explain that future and past sabo are both the same person, to give little sabo that pressure.” [chapter 9]

“(Right after this older sabo takes them down to the ocean so that they can play a little and desensitize themselves and immediately fucks himself over when he goes weak in the water bc he somehow fucking forgot his own devil fruit again and now even younger sabo is on his case about not letting him near the fucking ocean that little goddamn HYPOCRITE—) )” [for chapter 9]

“Ch 9 plan: they finally leave dawn island. Starts with the boys getting a haircut after training and luffy mentions how long it’s been since they’ve last needed a haircut, giving sabo and ace time to point out that it’s been 2 months now since ryu joined them, and that sabo was completely healed by now. The boys are now aware of the basics of haki, and while luffy hasnt awakened either yet ace and sabo both have a little bit of weak armament haki. (sabo won’t awaken observational haki until he gets his memories back) ryu tries to sneak off into the city to steal a boat but his brothers refuse to leave him behind and keep sneaking out after him, not wanting him to go alone and saying that since he’s been training them they’re clearly stronger and he needs to let them do this. Ryu eventually just lets it go because why the fuck not it’s a dream and they make him feel better. They get the boat out on open ocean and finally fucking sail out, cheering loudly, ryu struggling to make them all calm down but also not really trying. He’s happy as shit, and they’re all so excited and happy and sabo dips a hand into the waves and then smiles so fucking wide and tackles ryu so violently they both nearly tip into the water and it’s just very very good. “ [also for ch 9] 

** I flat out dont Have any outlining from before chapter 6, because i only started actually outling chapters after that. i tend to just sit down and Write up until i hit a plot point or writers block and then am forced to actually think it through and plan rather than letting it come naturally. thats also why the quality and editing is better in later chapters despite everything being written within the same time frame. 

besides entire chapter outlines, there are the scene specific phone notes like:

“(ADDED) Right after they leave dawn, when sabo is sure they’ve gotten enough of a head start, he calls Garp. He doesn’t say who he is, but that all of the boys are safe and happy with him and has them all talk into the phone to assure him that they’re fine. Garp is honestly just pissed off he doesn’t know who’s calling and when he asks sabo just laughs and says a disobedient brat before hanging up. “

“(ADDED) TO EXPAND ON CH 3: sabo gets offered the chance to go with dragon, and he hesitates on the offer to go through with his previous life with the family he’s made in the revolutionary again. He almost agrees, because the bought of losing them in this lifetime is near excruciating but reminds himself swiftly that it’s no place for his brothers and not what they’d really want, and he wants selfishly to be with them as long as he Can until he “inevitably” wakes up. The boys are visibly relieved by this, especially ace. (Sabo gets asked who he is by dragon, who wants to know more about the stranger with his son, but dragon has always been quicker to make connections no one guessed and he just smiled knowingly at sabo and tells him he’s sure the other will have no trouble finding them if he’s in need. Sabo in turn warns him to keep Kuma close, and to look for a slave girl named koala.)”

I have…. many of these. I have Many of Everything. 

finally, i have scene doodles. if i hit a bad writers block it usually helps me to sketch scenes or the character designs to regain my grip on what the hell is happening in the plot– Breach of Intention has character design sketches, pakcbond has MANY scene sketches, even some of my nsfw has some sketches. my wror skecthes arent Good of course, I am an art teacher for children and that means i am more often explaining the color wheel and brush techniques over drawing perfect human replicas– and i just dont really make a lot of fanart? ive never drawn sabo before but i sure have a bunch now. i wont include close ups because they genuinely suck but heres an example pic 

So… yeah thats about everything. this is a VERY long post and yet i only included like maybe ¼ or 1/5 of all the notes i have dbskhjgfkjadns lmk if anyone wants more (or notes for my Other stories, which contain NO WHERE the same absurd amount of shit that wror does.)

[ginnyzero]

Dad Advice, Originality, and Writing

About a year or so after I left college, I went to work for my father at his small parts machine shop “part time.” (That never happened.) I worked on the floor running a mill power, a drill and milling machine that could be programed with a computer (to make your life that much easier and faster.) Every job that came out of the office came with a job sheet and the job was broken down into where the job went on the floor. You were to use this sheet to mark down the day you worked on the job, your initials and how long it took. (This was supposedly to price the job.)

If the part was a part that the shop had done one hundred times before, the side of the sheet had an estimated amount of time that was based on the time that other employees before you had taken to do the job. Now, I was new. I’d never done any of this before. And so I remember asking my dad about those times and saying I knew that I couldn’t be that fast!

He told me: “Worry about what you’re doing. Don’t worry about what other people are doing.”

That advice came in really handy as I worked in the shop. I spent two years on the floor mostly running the mill power and focused on what I was doing and doing it to the best of my ability and not worrying about how fast I was or if I became the best mill power machinist ever. (Now, this did irritate some people for different reasons. Other people didn’t care. All I cared about is if my father, my boss, thought I was doing a good enough job. Period. Then I took over the office and I didn’t give a shit about how long it took them to complete jobs as long as the jobs were completed before they were due! Not an easy task given the way things were ordered.)

Now, I apply that advice to other areas of my life adding it to my lifetime perspective in writing and in general. Worry about what you’re doing. Don’t worry about what other people are doing.

Because, I can’t control other people. I can control me and I can control my reactions. That’s it.

Boundaries.

At this time since I had a job and a steady income I was buying a lot of traditionally published books and trying to find new authors to read. And I kept slamming up against kitchen sink urban fantasy with protags that actually weren’t what they said on the tin and had no shit clue what they were doing with all the archetypes and tropes that come from being a kitchen sink urban fantasy. The few that had original concepts, like Weather Wardens or Death’s Daughter, were grossly lacking in the good plot department. (Just my opinion.)

I, um, got fed up. I mean. I’d been fed up with kitchen sink urban fantasies for a while. At the same time, none of the high fantasy stuff was really catching my interest and the science fiction that wasn’t the “lone soldier fighting a war on an alien world” was really hard to find and as far as I know, still is. (And what I found was very plot focused and dry.) But I still liked werewolves. I still like vampires. I still like space operas. I still love high fantasy with elves and magic and bad fairytales.

After binge watching the first few seasons of the Sons of Anarchy and having watched the Expendables 2, I finally got an idea that had been a tiny spark in my brain from my college days about biker werewolves. But I wanted to be different. I wanted some “originality.” I wanted to have that Post-Apocalyptic Mad Max, Dredd mixed with Minority Report type of feel. But I still wanted it to be urban fantasy without it being “kitchen sink” with every vampire, fae, werewolf and other fantasy race in existence. And my love of Vampires and my love of Werewolves had a fight and a piece of advice from a college professor of “No Vampires” and that tiny spark of an idea of biker werewolves really blossomed into an idea.

Reading all that, it’s still not really original. Werewolves. Mad Max. Sons of Anarchy. The Expendables. Where is the originality in that? (Heathens may not expressly be the best example for this to be honest, but bear with me.)

But who would want to read yet another werewolf story? How is yet another book about werewolves even remotely original? I mean, I just typed it, it’s Expendables and Sons of Anarchy drawing from Dredd and Mad Max and Minority Report and there’s bits of Star Wars Wraith Squadron and Ratchet and Clank and Starship Troopers in there too actually and I mean, that sounds like a tangled mess of inspiration. All of this shit has been done before, who’s going to read that?

I didn’t really think about this when I started compiling ideas and really digging into research about werewolves and biker gangs and planning my post War World 3 setting. Because, I wasn’t worried about that. Other people could be worried about that, but I wasn’t worried about that. I knew I was genre mixing in an out of the box way that wasn’t on bookshelves in that combination even if the concepts themselves, the building blocks weren’t original.

Because, I’d already proved that people would want to read something like that through my own actions! I was the one going “I like kitchen sink urban fantasy,” and picking up the first three books of every series I could find that remotely interested me (and supporting those authors) in hopes of finding a new author to read that was entertaining as the authors I already had on my shelves.

It wasn’t the author’s fault that my tastes weren’t precisely lined up with what they were writing. They had a story they wanted to tell and if the blurbs of their story didn’t actually reflect what was in the pages or if the books had things that I didn’t like. I was free to stop buying them. These books are huge series, some have hit the double digits! People like them. They’re getting sales. Just because it’s not to my taste doesn’t mean they aren’t decent books.

I mean, look at licensed books such as Star Wars, Star Trek, Forgotten Realms and so on. These books are huge parts of the expanded universe franchises of those stories. People buy them. (I bought almost all the old EU of Star Wars.) People collect them. People saw the Star Wars movies and wanted more Star Wars and then bought books and comics and other merchandise for that franchise because they liked that thing. Science Fiction fans are likely to watch Star Trek, Star Wars, Battle Star Galactica, Star Gate, FarScape, Lexx, Firefly, KillJoys, Dark Matter, The 100 and anything they can get their hands on that’s space opera related because they like that sort of thing even if it’s the same type of thing in different trappings. Look at how many series Star Trek has and it’s all the same universe! SeaQuest and SeaQuest DSV was space opera IN THE OCEAN.

Maybe I was being out of the box in Joss Whedon does a Western in Space type of way, but it wasn’t wholly unoriginal.

My third perspective on this came from being in fandom. There is nothing quite being in fandom where fanfiction and fanart are encouraged and there are tons of people with tons of ideas and yet somehow there are 50 Coffeeshop AUs, or 100 Highschool AUs or good lord, the MERMAID AUS, “let’s write this missing section of canon” stories and “let’s get so and so together” stories and “this is what happened after this scene” stories. And lots of them, if not all of them, get views and likes and comments and kudos and so on and so forth. And sure, they have the same premise, but they aren’t all exactly the same. They have different styles. Different POVs, different events. They started out with the same building blocks and came up with different plots and ideas! (Now, whether they were any good is a matter of opinion, just like any sort of book writing.)

You see, people crave certain types of stories. Those are the stories they like. They’re comfy. They’re familiar. They’re old friends. They sit down with a certain type of story they know to an extent what is going to happen and no matter what type of story it is, they’ll more than likely enjoy it because it’s familiar and comfortable.

People don’t like the unfamiliar. They don’t like being uncomfortable. When someone sits down to read they’re sick, bored or lonely. They want to have the warmth of an old friend. They don’t care about originality. They just want to escape. They’re risk adverse.

Originality doesn’t appeal to the risk adverse.

Firefly was risky. Western in space. Cowboys Vs. Aliens is risky for the same reason, a science fiction western. Aliens in the old west! People aren’t always prepared to take that next step out of the box of genre conventions despite the masses and masses of amounts of different types of speculative fiction stories. You start adding things they don’t expect (like Western to Sci Fi) no matter how much Dark Tower they’ve read or Vampire Hunter D, they are likely to back up and go “I’m not ready for this!”

Not that originality is easy to find. I’m sure someone out there wrote the first “IN SPACE” story. Our stories are made from building blocks of old stories, myths, legends, fairy tales, stories we’ve read and the stories that go on around us in the world at the moment. (Truth being stranger than fiction.) Originality is a very difficult beast to come by.

The fourth perspective of this came from Fashion Design classes and Project Runway. If you give ten people the same inspiration, those same ten people are going to come up with ten different things because they’re bringing in their voice, their aesthetic and their experiences and style to the design. I don’t care if you have ten different “hard vs soft” designers. They are all going to “hard vs. soft” in a different way! Sadly, in my classes we never really experimented with this overtly! (One girl and I did have a similar inspiration for a design class once, Thailand. We were very different people and did very different things.)

Project Runway sometimes does this by giving the designers the same types of materials or the exact same brief. And it’s interesting to see how each of them actually run with it and what they turn out in the end for good or bad. (The more limiting the brief the more interesting to see how this plays out actually, often in unconventional challenges, but not always.)

This is the same with writing. Your kitchen sink urban fantasy isn’t going to be Jim Butcher’s or Patricia Briggs’ or Kim Harrison’s or at least another half dozen writers I have forgotten the names of. Your voice, your rules, your world building, the setting, the characters are all going to be a point of difference between your story and their story. The point of difference is your voice. Your writing style and your voice are your brand of writing.

So what if you’re writing another kitchen sink urban fantasy? There are lots of people out there that love kitchen sink urban fantasies. As long as you’re writing the best and most polished kitchen sink urban fantasy you can in your own style and voice, then don’t worry about the other people writing kitchen sink urban fantasies and not being original or that your writing is inferior.

You know what readers see, “MORE KITCHEN SINK URBAN FANTASY. MINE!”

It's the Two Cakes thing:

https://helpfulwritingstuff.tumblr.com/post/175643753023/lbibliophile-salt-of-the-ao3-pervocracy

Look, stealing from one person is plagiarism. (And I do mean word for word, idea for idea here.) Stealing from many people is research. And if you’re compared to someone else and it doesn’t matter for good or for ill, that’s great! That means there is an audience for your writing! So what if they don’t think you’re as good as the other author? Or maybe they think you’re better than that other author? Why does it matter? As long as you’re putting out the best possible work you can put out in your voice. You aren’t that other author! Don’t worry about them. Worry about you! You’ve got to move on to the next book and the next set of characters and the next idea.

You can’t control what readers (including editors) think about you or how they compare you to other authors. You control your reactions. Sure. Go ahead. Get emotional. Let the emotion run its course. Come back and see if you can learn anything from that critique. Or, you can accept that readers are critiquing for other readers and not you. They all have opinions. Everyone has opinions, it doesn’t mean they’re good or even applicable opinions! You have to find people to put around you that you trust know your vision and what you’re trying to convey to an audience and find that editor that pushes you to improve the way you write or the way you pitch. Worry about what you’re doing.

Don’t worry about what the readers are doing outside of reading. You can’t control it.

And honestly, if they don’t like what you’re writing. They have fan fiction.

You, as a writer, don’t exist in a vacuum. You can bar yourself away from social media and society and write the most original concept you can think of writing and submit only to find out that someone else had the same type of concept even though you’ve never met and never read each other’s works. Why? There are a lot of ideas out there floating around. No one owns them. No one owns how they get to be combined. But your concept and their concept will be different in execution. The building blocks may be the same and maybe they built a fairy tale castle and you built a brooding manor house.

This is the universal consciousness of mankind. People all over the world coming up with permutations of the same building blocks over and over again and creating wonderful things that reflect their experiences and share their voice!

And if you let that get to you, that someone out there might have the same idea as you do. Then you’re going to be paralyzed and not write anything at all for fear of “not being original.”

Being original doesn’t matter. Execution matters. Your voice matters. Once you get past that originality is Queen then you can focus on you and your story. Worry about your voice and your execution and creating the best book possible for your audience, the people who want more of your type of comforting stories.

So, as daddy says, “Don’t worry about what others are doing. Worry about what you’re doing.” Because, that’s all you can control, you and your reactions.

As for me, I have my post-apocalyptic urban science fantasy adventure werewolf stories, my broken fairy tales, my sometime in the future kitchen sink urban fantasy bakery adventures, a urban fantasy magical horse game, and a straight out science fantasy space opera adventure thing to write. So many ideas, possibly none of them original all ripped out of building blocks of other things, but you know what, they have my voice and I don’t care. People who like that sort of thing will like those sorts of things.

Happy writing!

[christinesficrecs]

Hi!! Do you know of any good sterek fics where they're internet friends or something similar? Thanks either way!!

Sure!  Most of my asks seem to turn into “or something”  🤷🏻‍♀️

my heart's been offline by thepsychicclam | 58.8K

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Being a teenager sucks. Being a werewolf teenager sucks even more. With a life full of holding back who he really is, not having any privacy whatsoever, and the seemingly sudden appearance of one Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale's life just got a whole lot harder.

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Derek and Stiles meet online, and then in real life.

The Postman Always Rings Twice by Finduilas | 6.5K

Stiles and Derek meet online, through fandom. They share their online life together: fics, fanart, squeeing over actors; but they haven't met in real life yet. Or have they...?

Midnight Wolf vs Abominable Snowman! by KuriKuri | 20.4K

Derek almost makes the mistake of saying, It’s not fanart, but he manages to catch himself, biting his tongue. This stranger, who’s already identified himself as at least a casual fan of Midnight Wolf, doesn’t need to know that he actually is the artist and author, not just another fan.

Fuck-You Money by jedusaur | 6.9K

What the hell kind of porn name is “Destitute Daddy,” anyway? Out of morbid curiosity, Derek grabs the computer again and types it into the search bar, because revisiting last night’s poor life decisions is always a stellar plan.

Business Skype by isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella) | 6K

He was positive the elevator doors hadn’t even fully opened yet when he heard the voice, someone literally standing right in his path and instantly demanding his attention.

“Have you met the hot new guy?” Erica Reyes demanded, blocking his exit.

He gave her an unimpressed look at the question. He still had his coat on, he was holding a coffee, he’d literally just arrived at work after two weeks off, and he wasn’t even out of the elevator yet.

“Hi Erica,” he said dryly. “My vacation was great, thanks for asking. Got a lot of rest and relaxation. I missed you while I was away, you didn’t text me as much as you said you would, we should grab lunch together later.”

you know you're on my mind by bibliosexual | 16.3K

If there’s one thing Derek’s learned in life, it’s that crushing on someone who lives on an entire other fucking continent is probably a bad idea.

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Derek Hale hasn't dated anyone for five years when he reaches out to MythicalMischief online and starts talking about lace panties and corsets. They're just considering meeting up when Derek scores a dream job with Mythimoderna and his entire world is turned upside down by Stiles Stilinski. After all this time, Derek doesn't know what to do when he's falling for two people at the same time--the one he fell in love with without ever meeting, and the one he's attracted to but barely even knows.

The Curve of Your Clavicle by WhoNatural | 6.2K

Wherein Derek's office rival might be the same person keeping him sane at night when the loneliness hits.

For the Love of Zombies by extantecstasy | 13.7K

Struggling writer Derek happens upon zombie expert Stiles by accident, learns about the undead, pines from not-quite afar, finishes a novel, and maybe finds his muse. It’s a busy month.

You're the Riddle of the Century by stayingputwouldbeablunder | 45.7K

In which Stiles is a tech advisor for Amazon and Derek really loveshates his Kindle.

Have You Tried Turning It Off and On Again? by sophisticatedyet | 8.7K

Stiles gets a wrong number call from an old man who can't install his antivirus software. He feels like doing a good deed, so he decides to walk him through it.

Derek is not an old man, just a technologically incompetent twenty-six year old TA who has made enemies of the entire UCLA IT department. The helpful stranger he has just accidentally called is about to become Derek's go-to computer guy.

[cnjrupasmle]

Reality Mimics Art

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

----

Steve's heart beat in double time as he stared at the computer screen in front of him. It couldn't be real. It must be some clever picture manipulation or something. He checked Tony's Facebook. There it was. He felt his whole face burn and ran his hands through his hair. This was bad. This was very bad. Staring back at him was a picture Tony posted on his Facebook with the caption of, "Does the internet ever stop? Credit goes to stonycoldsober from Tumblr."

The picture itself was a bigger issue, not because it was a sketch of Steve and Tony getting married, but because the artist was none other than Steve himself.

It seemed like the perfect idea at the time. Create an anonymous Tumblr, add a witty screen name (which would never be as funny to anyone else), and post his artwork for all to enjoy without them knowing his true identity. Of course, like most of Steve's ideas, it had sounded better before it backfired.

Tony was definitely not intended to be one of his audience members. Did he already know that Steve drew it? If not, it wouldn't take him long to find out. JARVIS may block outsiders from tracing the source of the fanart, but undoubtedly the AI would rat Steve out his boss.

Or maybe Tomy wouldn't pursue the matter. Maybe he'd never think any further of it. After all, it wasn't odd for him to post Iron Man fan art. Steve leaned back in his seat and blew out a breath, considering his options. If he wasn't already found out, the stealthiest thing to do would be to continue on as normal. Besides, he had 10,000 followers waiting on his Sunday update. It wouldn't be fair to them to disappear without a trace.

--

Steve's phone buzzed an alert. He picked it up absently from the couch next to him as he doodled on his tablet. The top of the line facial recognition software unlocked the screen as he brought the phone to his line of sight. It was a Facebook notification that Tony had made a post. Call him hopeless, but seeing what Tony was up to filled Steve with warmth.

But not today.

A sickening dread filled Steve as he saw his own artwork brought to the world's attention on Tony's Facebook page yet again. "Really, guys?? Credit goes to stonycoldsober from Tumblr (again)." Tony had captioned this one. Is was a color pencil drawing of Iron Man with arms wrapped around a beaming Captain America as they flew through the air a breakneck speeds. They had never done it in real life, at least nothing more intimate than a desperate grab and dump to keep Steve from breaking his neck as he fell/leapt from unreasonable heights, but Steve imagined that flying with Tony would be incredible. He did not, however, feel that way at the moment.

Steve obviously had to surmise several things at this point.

1. He was never going to experience a "hug and fly" with Tony.

2. Tony wasn't interested in Steve as anything more than a friend.

3. Either Tony or someone from his PR department was either: a. Following Steve on Tumblr (likely unknowingly) or b. Following/searching one of the tags Steve frequently used.

The thought of Tony being on Tumblr was terrifying. His fans were ravenous. Not to mention that meant that Tony had seen an inordinate amount of porn written and drawn to feature Tony as Iron Man. Steve's art included.

--

By the time the third post happened, Steve wasn't even surprised. It was early enough in the morning that some people, such as Tony, might still consider it the night before. Steve was up and cooling down after his workout. His phone buzzed and he held his breath when he saw the notification.

"Is this how you people think I spend my Saturday mornings? Credit (and points to creativity) goes to stonycoldsober from Tumblr." Below the caption was one of the pieces Steve was most proud of. He had worked on it for weeks. It was him and Tony in the kitchen of Stark Tower, both looking sleep rumpled and holding cups off coffee as they shared a domestic kiss.

It was incredibly intimate. It was also incredibly revealing. Steve was sure that Tony hadn't missed the details: the correct oriention of the kitchen, the view from the kitchen looking out over Manhattan, Clint's ridiculous Hawkeye cereal that tastes like cavities but Clint insists on eating every morning.

Steve sat on the gym floor for a moment more. He knew that it was time to face the music, but who could blame him for trying to delay heartbreak for just a little longer?

Somehow, he knew that he was going to find Tony in the kitchen. The handsome, dark haired man was sitting at the breakfast table, flipping through his phone when Steve walked in. "How long did you know?" Steve should have started with an apology or an excuse, but somehow he never seemed to greet misery any other way than head on.

Tony, dressed in one of his business suits, stood and met Steve half way, carrying his phone and his coffee with him. "Well, admittedly not as long as I should have," Tony shrugged. "I think I was in denial, but I couldn't come up with any other logical explanation once I saw the breakfast kiss post. So, sometime last week?"

Steve just nodded slowly. He wanted to apologize or ask for a chance, but his mouth wouldn't form the words. They stuck somewhere in the back of his throat and refused to budge. He swallowed several times before he could work his tongue loose. "I'll delete the account. I can also give you all the space you need. If you feel harassed, I'm sure that you can file a report though Agent Coulson-"

"Woah, woah woah!" Tony interrupted. "We're talking about your secret Stony ship blog, right? The one that I've been following for months? You do know that I'm the user godblessassmerica, don't you?"

Steve knew the name. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You? You... Post content about us all the time."

"I do," Tony agreed easily. "In fact, I would very much like for none of it to be fiction anymore. I was kind of getting the vibe that maybe you didn't either." Tony took several steps closer. Steve's heart sped up and he cleared his throat.

"I might have a few thoughts on how that might go," Steve offered

"Me to," Tony said with a smile. "I guess I've been inspired."

With that he closed the distance.

[im-fairly-whitty]

Old Habits Die Hard

Coco One-shot Fanfic

An absolutely ridiculous (yet canon-consistent) one-shot of the Dead Riveras sneaking into the Sunrise Spectacular. 

A writing request from @goodtimesbadmusic and @mayu-nakashima to go along with this fanart of a completely flabbergasted Imelda and Miguel. x)

------

“Now approaching the De la Cruz Sunrise Spectacular, please make sure all tickets have been purchased well in advance.”

Miguel looked up at the box where the sky trolley’s recorded voice had come from, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“Tickets?” Imelda asked, shooting a hard look at Hector, “we’re in the land of the dead and that serpiente is still charging people to hear him caterwaul into a microphone?”

Hector shrugged with an uncomfortable smile, making a non-committal noise. 

It hurt Miguel to see how wounded yet eager he was every time Imelda gave him any attention at all, regardless of how barbed it was. It was like watching a stray cat be kicked every time it hesitantly tried to rub against someone’s ankles.

“Hector, we don’t have tickets, how are we going to get backstage?” Miguel whispered.

He was the only Rivera who had dared to sit close to him the entire trolley ride. No one else was brave enough to tempt Imelda’s confused irritation, having been so recently disengaged from Hector her rage was loose and fast, hitting anyone who got too close.

“If we can get to Frida we’re gold, chamaco.” Hector said, but Miguel could see he was gripping the edge of the straw hat in his lap just a little too tightly. “She already hates Ernesto for being a lazy performer, I can guarantee that once she knows he’s a murderer she’ll come up with some crazy idea of how to get us close to him no problem.”

“But how do we get to Frida then? Through Ceci’s window?” Miguel asked, thinking of how they’d gotten into the rehearsal a few hours earlier. Wow. Had it really only been a few hours?  

“Through who’s window?” Imelda snapped from the other side of the trolley.

“Oh, Imelda, you remember Ceci Rodriguez?” Hector said, perking up with an unbearable bit of hope in his eyes, “She’s a seamstress for the production crew at the Spectacular, she finally got her dream job as a costume designer. Well, after death anyway. She’s helped me a few times over the years.”

For the first time during the trolley ride Imelda’s face softened, just a bit.

“Oh my, Ceci?” she said, an old memory lighting her eyes, “I haven’t thought about Ceci in years, she died so long before I did. Is she still as-” But imelda shook her head, swatting her hand in front of her face as if to push the memory aside. “No, that doesn’t matter right now, can she get us in or not?”

Hector scratched his goatee, “No, I think we’ll have to find a different way past security. I don’t think she’ll be at all happy to see me right before the show starts. Besides, I’ve already lost one of her dresses today.”

“You lost one of her what?” Imelda asked, somehow folding her arms even tighter.

Hector snapped his boney finger with a click, his face brightening. “That does give me an idea though.” He paused, looking at Imelda as a sheepish grin slid onto his face. “I, uh, Imelda, do you happen to remember the time I got us into that Mexico City fiesta for our second anniversary?”

Imelda’s face was stoney for a moment, but then something far back in her memory seemed to click into place and her eyes got very wide. For some reason Tio Oscar and Felipe suddenly looked very uncomfortable too.

“No.” Imelda said sternly, “You are not pulling that again, we are both far too old for that kind of thing.”

“What kind of thing?” Miguel asked.

Hector’s grin only got wider as the trolley shuddered to a halt at their stop.

***

“Imelda, please,” Tio Oscar whispered desperately, “we’re not sixteen anymore.”

“Don’t make us do this.” Tio Felipe finished.

The Riveras were all crowded into a back alley behind the Spectacular arena. Just around the corner from them was their target, a lone security guard standing watch at a back entrance.  

Imelda pressed her boney palms to her eye sockets, either trying to ward off a migraine or simply doing anything to avoid seeing Hector beside her.

“Stop being cowards.” Hector whispered back in a mischievous falsetto, snapping open a fan in front of his face and hitching his orange purse higher onto his boney shoulder.

“Just hurry and do it before my good sense comes back to me.” Imelda hissed, still not looking at her estranged husband, who in Miguel’s opinion was rocking a strapless dress and high-heels uncomfortably well.

Ceci had never pulled up her fire escape, making a quick raid of the rehearsal hall’s costume department an easy one. Miguel could tell Hector’s excitement was building, but he couldn’t forget that Hector had collapsed again just minutes ago in wave of shimmering gold sparks. Not the mention that Miguel had glimpsed his own collarbone becoming visible when they’d passed a mirror in the dressing rooms.

They were running out of time and they all knew it.

“But-” Oscar started.

“Now!” Imelda snapped, jolting Hector and the twins into action.

Hector patted his long haired wig into place a final time and strode out into the open, hips swaying confidently as he sauntered into full view of the security guard. One of the twins whimpered, but another glare from Imelda sent them both scampering after Hector.

“What are you doing! Let go of me!” Hector cried in his falsetto, struggling dramatically as Felipe half-heartedly grabbed the strap of his purse.

Oscar looked back at Imelda for a moment and then grabbed the bag as well, escalating the tug of war into something that looked halfway real.

“Hey! What’s going on here?” Came the security guard's voice.

The twins looked up as they finally pried the purse from Hector and then took off down the street.

“My bag!” Hector howled, falling to the pavement with such despair that for a moment Miguel was afraid he’d been struck by the second death. But no, in a moment the security guard was at Hector’s side, looking panicked.

“Are you alright Señorita?” The guard asked uncertainty as Hector continued to sob hysterically.

“My-my-bag! It has my only photo of my son in it!” Hector cried, latching onto the guard's leg in mock-grief, “It’s all I have, please! You have to get it back for me! ”

Miguel look up at Mama Imelda beside him, who was now watching with a kind of fascinated horror.

“I, uh, of course Señorita.” The guard said, awkwardly trying to shake Hector off his leg. “I’ll get it for you, just, let me go por favor.”

“Bless you!” Hector cried, still holding onto the poor man’s leg, “A thousand blessing on you Señor, for helping a poor woman in need!”

By the time the guard successfully detached himself he looked only too happy for any excuse to get away. They all watched as he took off in the direction the twins had gone, just as Oscar and Felipe crept back to their hidden group from behind, having circled the block in the time it took for the guard to escape Hector’s clutches.

“One doorway to Frida Kahlo,” Hector said in his normal voice, picking himself up and cheerfully brushing dirt off his hem, “as ordered, courtesy of the Hector drama institute.”

Miguel couldn’t hold it any longer and burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, leaning against the brick wall beside him, then collapsing into giggles. Hector walked over, one hand on his cocked pelvis as he looked down at Miguel with mock-feminine seriousness.

“I don’t know what you’re laughing at little boy,” Hector said in falsetto, grinning as he offered Miguel a hand, “purse-snatching is a serious crime.”  

“You were amazing!” Miguel cried, taking Hector’s hand with his now equally bony one and letting himself be pulled to his feet.

“You were ridiculous.” Mamá Imelda said, but Miguel was pretty sure her expression was the same as his Abuelita’s was when she was trying very hard to be cross at something she’d rather laugh at.

“We’d better hurry.” Hector said, swapping his wig for his real hair and goatee, stepping out of his high heels and shrugging off the dress to reveal his tattered trousers underneath. He accepted his mess of a purple jacket from Tia Victoria and pulled it on. “We’ve still got to find Frida and I don’t know when the guard will be coming back.”

Miguel gasped as Hector groaned and doubled over, a flutter of shimmering gold running through his bones. Miguel and Imelda both jumped to catch him as he nearly fell, steadying him until the pain passed.

“We need to keep moving if we’re going to get your picture in time.” Imelda said, looking self-conscious as she let go of Hector the moment he could stand on his own again. “You two ridiculous performers lead the way.”

“Thank you.” Hector said to Imelda, looking like he wanted to add something else, but instead he braced himself on Miguel’s shoulder as he turned to lead the way to the now unguarded doorway.

Miguel bit his lip, wishing he knew what to say, but for now all he could do was try to make sure Hector wasn’t forgotten before he could maybe work things out with Mamá Imelda.

“Come on Papá Hector,” Miguel said, supporting him as they walked, “let’s go get that photo.”

It may have been Miguel’s imagination, but it felt like Hector stood a little taller at the sound of being called “Papá.”

-----------

I have waaaay too much fun with these if you can’t already tell x)

And hey, if you want more about Ceci you can check out my current fic “Cecilia de Verde” here, a Coco “no-murder AU” love story that I’m currently writing. :)

You can also read my more serious/thriller Ernesto revenge fic “For Whom the Bell Tolls.”

If you like what I do you can also buy me a coffee to help me justify my constant writing time vs. homework struggle. x)

- Wit 

[messrsmemoirs]

This may be random, but I always kinda wondered this. When Remus was bitten by Fenrir Greyback as a child, where do you think he bit him. I always imagined a place like his shoulder or arm, but what do you think? Also, I assume it would scar? Do you think he was ever ashamed or insecure about that?

Now this is an interesting question. And I’ve had some lengthy conversations with one meerkat in particular about it, and it’s safe to say that this is one of those things that differs widely between Remus fans. I’ve seen fanart–brilliant, all of them–that never seem to depict it in the same place. So I like to think about it logically, which… when dealing with wizards, and often times with Remus, is never as simple as it sounds.

First we have to deal with sifting through what we know concretely about the night of the attack.

At the time, Voldemort was making strong headway in his first rise to power. There was an uptick in the number of attacks and sightingsfrom Dark Creatures, who unbeknownst to the Ministry at the time were being recruited by Voldemort in unheard of numbers at the time. In order to investigate the cause of the attacks and put a stop to the fear, the Ministry called in all experts on Dark Creatures, including those in “lower”, less dangerous classifications like the Boggart or the poltergeist. Enter Lyall Lupin, encountering Fenrir Greyback as part of a Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creaturesinvestigation for the deaths of two Muggle children.

Right away, that gives us one very important piece of information: that Fenrir Greyback was already experienced in his signature attack style just in the year 1965, well before the 1990s. In fact, he was experienced enough that he was even under investigation–though not well known, because he was able to convince the committee that he was just a Muggle tramp despite what (I hope) was a reasonable trail of evidence that eventually (hopefully) lead to the families getting some kind of reparations.

Anyway, this is a man who knows his intended victim well enough to isolate them from their families before he transformed and was out of his own control. We can argue that Greyback “works” with his wolf, that he can target someone whilst transformed, but there’s no evidence to suggest anything other than a blind bloodlust which will attack anyone. In other words, if a werewolf fails to isolate his intended target before moonrise, his wolfish self will likely seek an easier target despite all intents to the contrary. That’s why Greyback actually forced open Remus’ bedroom window while he slept. That’s how he got in.

Here’s where things get messy:

In order to force open the window, I assume that Greyback is in his final minutes as a human. I assume that he needs his thumbs and his human intelligence to do so. Pottermore states that Lyall “reached the bedroom in time to save his son’s life”, which to me seems to indicate that it took him some time, because more than hearing Remus’s screams, falling out of bed, stumbling down the hallway and reaching the bedroom, first thing’s first: Greyback had to transform. Remus has told us how brutally painful, how agonizing it is to transform into a werewolf. I think even a man who relishes in it would still scream. And so he did, waking up a four year old boy trapped in his bedroom.

Remus’ transformation in PoA is exactly five lines long. Five tiny lines in a scene with major plot implications, and one that I expect was deliberately kept short both for moving the story onward and to save the readers a gruesome experience. Magic aside, we have to be a tiny bit honest: the logistics of going from man to beast takes just slightly longer than five lines. It takes time, it takes energy, and it’s not a small chunk of change. And what’s to stop a target escaping while the transformation happens, like Peter did many years later? I have a strange gut feeling that Greyback would also have blocked the door before he transformed, trapping Remus and also further preventing a timely intervention by the only armed wizard in the home. I picture Lyall trying the doorknob, then pounding desperately on the door to try and force it, and then finally, desperately, taking his wand and blasting it open and blowing the werewolf away from tiny, crumpled form of his son in one terrifying and heart-wrenching moment. All the while Remus screams, and Greyback had to actually be driven out of the house with multiple powerful curses. So he likely escaped punishment in the end unless Lyall barged into the Ministry later on and demanded justice. But how can they prove it was one specific werewolf, when, as we saw, they couldn’t even decide if Greyback even was a werewolf at that time?

But back to the attack. Have an interesting tidbit:

In the late nineteenth century the great English authority on werewolves, Professor Marlowe Forfang, undertook the first comprehensive study of their habits. He found that nearly all those he managed to study and question had been wizards before being bitten. He also learned from the werewolves that Muggles ‘taste’ different to wizards and that they are much more likely to die of their wounds, whereas witches and wizards survive to become werewolves. [x]

That right there means that there’s something beyond pure bloodlust when a werewolf attacks. Sure, a werewolf will attack anyone and everyone blindly, without pause. But they are magical creatures. And they are creatures that are physically incapable of reproducing sexually. (See the pack of wolves in the Forbidden Forest for more on that.) This means that the only way for the werewolf to procreate and ensure the survival of the species is to infect another human with lycanthropy, most commonly via the transfer of saliva during a bite. And Muggles are most likely to die after a bite. This give the werewolf a biological incentive to seek out magical people. Still, werewolf bite victims do still die, and probably with some regularity. After all, bloodlust is a powerful drug. And an animal can’t always resist going a little too far. Sometimes there just isn’t enough inhibition. It’s nasty business.

Fenrir Greyback has killed. He killed those two Muggle children. And he’s been known to transform in whole crowds, using himself as a weapon of mass destruction. He purposely ruins lives. Greyback is okay with murder, but that isn’t what he wants. His purpose in life is to create as many werewolves as he can; to infect as many innocent people as he can. And more than inflicting maximum suffering (which I am not about to argue that he did not want to cause, because he most definitely did), turning children means that there’s less chance of escape, less change of a physical struggle, less chance of lasting damage. Children are more fragile than the standard adult, but then, children also recover quicker.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it was as simple as that. Children squirm. Terrified children squirm like their life depends on it, which in this case, it very much does. When Remus heard the sounds of Greyback transforming and awoke, his first instincts would either be to hide or to flee. He’s not quite 5 years old. What else can he do? And so my guess would be that he tried to run, first to his parents’ room which if Greyback were smart he would have blocked off. But he could also have tried to make a run for the closet, or tried hiding under the bed.

Or, honestly, he may have cowered right there in his bed, frozen. Either way, the werewolf probably pounced at him, knocking him down. Remus would have been scratched by the claws. And his instincts would have driven his arms up to protect his face and head and neck, to use them as a shield. This is most likely where he was bitten, and in the violence of it all there is no way it was one of those “clean”-looking dotted rows. Dog bites take a variety of shapes. ... I looked. Remus would probably have been swatting, hitting, kicking... He may have been bitten on his legs, too, or on his bare feet. Honestly it really depends on how the attack actually happened, and we have very little detail about that traumatizing event to say. We may even go so far as to suggest that it wasn’t just a single bite, because these kinds of things are just so chaotic and messy. We just don’t know, but logically it makes a lot of sense for it to be on his arm in an attempt to shield himself. So that’s where I tend to hover.

And yes, they would scar. All werewolf injuries scar, no matter how minor. They’re cursed, and thus leave a permanent reminder. And supposing that the bite mark and other scars are present on his arms, Remus would likely try to hide behind long-sleeve shirts at all times. People stare at scars. We’re all told not to, but sometimes we just do anyway, without even noticing. Even without a stigmatizing illness to hide, the scars, if gruesome or large, or glaring, are noticeable. Many are not: Remus is able to lie and claim he has an obnoxious cat, etc, and we have the story about the badly behaved rabbit. But nonetheless, any scar to Remus is an open invitation, a question waiting to be asked, and it would be something he would not want. So yes, I do think there would be insecurity.

[bastardbeewoman]

1, 2, 4, 12, 18, 29 (!!!!), 43, 50, 58. I hope that isn’t too much ^^;;

Thank you so so so much for the ask..!! ALSO ITS NEVER TOO MUCH DUDE NEVER I SWEAR I LOVE THIS KIND OF THING..!!!!!!1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up Take on Me by A-ha!! (THIS DAMN MEME SONG I LOVE IT SO DAMN MUCH)Imagination Forest by IA (I have listened to this one in FOREVER)Upside Down by Jack Jonhson (such a soothing song y’all I love it)Saitama’s Blue from the One Punch Man OST (THIS FCKING ANIME HAS ONE OF MY ALL FAVORITE OST I SWEAR)Skydive by B.A.P (Y’ALL THIS KPOP BAND IS JUST SO GOOD)Op. 35 for Violin by Oskar Rieding (.....this reminds me of when I took violin classes, aah...)4) What do you think about most?What I most think about, hm..... This is kind of a difficult question, to be honest! I think recently what have been most in my mind is wondering how next year will be and how can I improve myself....! Also this week I focused on catching up with animes and mangas I haven’t read in so long... I want to draw and most more fanart here as well, I really do....!!!!!!! And, well, what is a forever constant in my life and mind is looking for a place that I can feel where I belong to, some place I can easily think “ah, yes, this is where I am supposed to be”...!12)  What does your URL mean?Even tho I already thought of changing my url, I should say, I truly relate to it. I still have this side of me that things everything is just too much of trouble and, if I could, I would just end up doing nothing18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?One sound that absolutely gets in my nerves is, as strange as it seems, people whistling. I hate it, I just can’t stand it, and I REALLY don’t know why...... I mean, in songs, I find it cool, even cute and soothing but.....if I am like at the bus and there is someone whistling to some song I feel like throwing myself through the bus window or throwing the person through there.One sound that I love is when it’s like 2, 3, 4AM and everything is mostly quiet, but you hear cars here and there, the wind blowing..... these hours have every unique sounds and I truly love it.29) Do you have any obsessions right now?I WANT TO DRAW SAIGENOS FANART AND READ FANFICS AGAIN SO BADLY (BUT I AM HAVING ZERO IDEAS PLEASE SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THE ART BLOCK AND ALSO GIVE ME FIC RECS)43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?Take on Me by A-Ha (LISTEN THIS SONG IS JUST SO GOOD I)50)Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?A BASIC QUESTION BUT SUCH A COOL ONEI love pink (it’s a cute color!), red (a badass color!) and turquoise (a different color!!)58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?OKAY BUT THIS IS SUCH A DIFFICULT QUESTION OKAY THERE ARE SO MANY PLACES SO MANYOh my, this is a really hard question...... but..... I think I would go to Egypt, you know? Ancient Egypt is pretty much what pushed me into the graduation I am currently doing (even tho I don’t thnk I will work regarding its culture) so.... I think maybe going there would help me clearing some stuff up in my mind....?@everglowing-static-eyes I just had so so so much fun doing these, honestly...!!!!! Thank you A LOT for sending this ask, dude, thank you....!!!!!

[eponymous-rose]

Okay, do you have any advice for someone who's seriously considering grad school and teaching in the future? I'm having a bit of a "how-do-I-know-if-this-is-what-I-want-to-do-for-the-rest-of-my-life" crisis.

Oh gosh, I’ve been thinking about this post for a while, trying to come up with a good answer, and failing that, trying to come up with an honest answer. The best I can do, I think, is to say that in my experience there is no “this-is-what-I-want-to-do-for-the-rest-of-my-life”, or at least if there is, it puts so much pressure on you that it can chase you away from something you love. If you’re fixed on the idea that this is what you’re meant to be doing for the rest of your life, when you inevitably start to hate it a little bit, you’re also kind of going to be hating yourself, because what’s wrong with you if you can’t do this thing that defines you? 

That’s a big problem in grad school, believe it or not, because for all the snarkiness and PhD Comics “this is the worst” attitude that grad students have, from what I’ve seen almost everyone kind of stumbles into it out of a place of (sometimes self-consciously buried) love and ambition, and it’s easy to feel betrayed by yourself when things don’t quite measure up.

So my advice to the question you’re not asking is: life is long. I grew up with a strange perspective because both of my parents had pretty darn full lives in their twenties and early thirties: establishing careers, pursuing hobbies, getting married. But they were both pretty miserable, they both wound up losing their jobs and getting divorced from their then-spouses, and they both rebooted by going back to school for something entirely different in their mid-thirties, which is where they met and fell in love and eventually had a couple of kids. They’re retired, now, living in a little apartment a short drive from the ocean, and despite some rocky times, they’re wildly happy with their decision to reinvent themselves, and with the benefit of perspective they don’t regret having tried and failed in their twenties if it meant setting themselves up for where they are now. 

So I’ve always grown up with the notion that it’s okay to try new things, even if it means fucking up, because even decades of “lost time” aren’t lost if you can stack up and clamber over all that crap to get to the next big thing. It’s not going to be easy to switch, by any means, but life is long and you’ll have enough time for a do-over if you really need it. I’m only harping on this because that crisis is so familiar to me, and because what I’ve found is that it’s vital to learn how to reduce the weight of “this is the rest of my life”, because otherwise that weight will crush you the first time something goes wrong. This is your life now. The future is a big ol’ question mark. That’s okay.

More practically, here are some things that I have found to be helpful traits in graduate school. These are things that can be learned.

Everyone talks on their resume about how they’re a “self-starter” or an “independent learner”. I think part of this needs to be true and part of it needs to be bullshit. You’ve gotta learn to be self-motivated in the way that somebody who does NaNoWriMo is self-motivated: if you really need to, can you sit down and churn something out even when you’re not feeling it? Can you push past a block? There is a bit of hand-holding in graduate school, if you have a good adviser, but in the end nobody is going to be as invested in your future as you are.

This goes into the bullshit part of independent learning: depending on the culture at the institution you attend, graduate students may be competitive or pitted against each other. It is essential to push back against this tendency, because snapping out of that pointless competition leads to some of the fiercest and most protective friendships you’ll ever find. There’s a lot of bullshit in academia, and the worst part is that sometimes it can be a big neon sign flashing “BULLSHIT” and you’ll still squint at it and go, “maybe that sign says ‘EVERYTHING IS GREAT’ and I’m just reading it wrong.” Being able to sit down with people who are capable of pointing at the sign and going “that reads bullshit”, and for whom you can also do a bit of pointing, will make the whole thing so much more manageable. Trying to get through it alone or without helping anyone else is putting yourself at a major disadvantage.

On the topic of bullshit-meters, it’s also very important to take care of your mental health the way you take care of your physical health. If something starts to feel off, most universities offer at least the ability to go in and get it checked out for free. That’s so important.

Do you enjoy what you’d be studying? It’s difficult, but try to consider this question outside of the context of “enough to make it the sole thing you pursue for the rest of your life.” If you like something, if it genuinely gets you excited, it doesn’t have to be the only thing in your life that makes you happy. You can still love your hobbies more. But if you genuinely enjoy what you study, you’re more likely to be able to reject the really tempting and super-cool apathy that’s built into the culture of some graduate institutions.

You’re not gonna love it all the time, and that’s okay. You’re gonna feel guilty about being in a relatively stable situation studying something you love and still not enjoying it, and that’s okay. Graduate school is a long commitment, in a lot of departments, and it’s normal to fall out of love with something for a bit if you’re focused on it for so long. Just like relationships go through patches where they’re less about passion and more about having to buckle down and just do maintenance work for a bit, sometimes your project’s gonna feel lackluster. If you can push through that, if you can do the work even when you’re not feeling it, you can find that love again–or if not that particular kind of love, some harder-edged and sturdier version thereof.

Start training yourself to translate humblebrags (almost always coming from dudes) like “I worked 80 hours this week!” into “I have poor time management skills!” Don’t legitimize the expectation that this job will eat your hobbies and the things you enjoy about life. Sometimes that means setting a hard cutoff time beyond which no work is ever done, even if you feel like you just need one more hour to finish it. Professors get swamped, too, and will often understand if you’re honest and up-front about your limitations. If they don’t appreciate some reasonable level of self-awareness in their students, they’re probably not worth listening to. I have also discovered with the benefit of perspective that it is very, very hard to do something completely unforgivable in graduate school.

Grad school differs strongly from undergrad in that you lose a lot of the instant-validation moments you used to get with things like exams and classes. You might go months or even years without hearing whether what you’re doing is acceptable, much less exceptional. All this means is that sometimes you have to seek out that validation actively. Ask your adviser point-blank what you’re doing well and what you could be doing better–they’ll probably reply with a deer-in-headlights look, but if you keep asking they’ll keep getting better at it. Get friends together and read each other’s papers. Find other avenues for validation in your life–write fic, create fanart, celebrate your victories on an online blogging platform. Go ahead and scratch that itch. You deserve to know when you’re doing well.

There’ll be a transition period where you might have to consider being someone else for a bit. For me, in the first few months in a new place, my rule of thumb is to not say no to any invitation. Someone’s gotta go pick up nails at a hardware store? I’ll ask if they want company. Someone’s got an extra ticket to the volleyball game? Okay, sure, I don’t know from volleyball but we’ll do this. Someone I don’t especially like is having a board game night? Fine, let’s go. Astronomy club filled with freshmen? Awkward, but sure, let’s go just to go. I’m usually pretty darn happy on my own, and doing all that social stuff can be exhausting, but it’s so important to establish some sort of support network early on. 90% of those tentative ties will fall apart on their own, but the last 10% can be absolutely unbreakable.

Cut yourself some slack, is what it boils down to. I’m pretty aware that it takes me about three years to feel like I’m competent at something, so for those first two years and 364 days I’ll use that as a mantra to remind myself that it’s okay to be in the middle of the pack, or even the one sickly pack member who’s lagging behind the rest. Grad school often means surrounding yourself with all the folks who were top of their class in undergrad, so it’s okay to suddenly find yourself bringing up the rear. I had the lowest grade by far in the graduate class taught by my adviser. Now I’m publishing papers on the topic. Find as many ways as possible to be patient and kind with yourself.

This is all as honest as I could make it, because graduate school can be a terrible place if it’s a bad fit. Personal experience will also vary a lot–I can preemptively feel the winces from some of my grad school followers as they read through this. This is my experience, and I cannot emphasize that enough.

But I love it. In practical terms, I learned that I love teaching and research and mentorship, so I now feel confident that pursuing a career in academia makes a whole lot of sense. I’ve had very, very bad times in grad school, but I’m now at the point where some nights I legitimately have trouble falling asleep because I’m so excited about what I’ll be doing the next day. 

I hope that if you go for it you can have a wonderful time with it, and even if you go for it and things go wrong, you can remember that life is long and use this as a way to climb to bigger and better things.