#it leaves so much more to the imagination and SV fics are some of the most creative i have ever read

[miaoqing]

which came first; PIDW the universe or PIDW the story? is it all made up by SQH's imagination or is he some sort of seer/messenger who simply recounts what happens in PIDW (with some edits)? so many interesting implictions either way.......

[meteor752]

The DL kids on Empires

I think this is the third or fourth “last post” about these fuckers, but like I grow attached alright

So I was actually planning on leaving them be for a while, mostly cause Double life ended months ago and there’s only so much you can do with them, but then an ask brought up that Jassy, the SmallEtho kid, would technically be the older sister of Hermes and boy did that open a world of possibilities

So if you don’t know these children by now, here’s a link to the first post which has a lot of other links at the bottom of it, or just check my blog

So at the end of Logbook, the short fic I wrote from this universe, it was implied that the kids found a rift similar to the one in Grian’s base. I did this because I couldn’t think of any other way to end the fricking fic

But let’s keep going with that, the kids are on Empires. I also imagine they go through before the Hermits, purely to make it easier and less messy for me

But when they enter the server, they get transported to different areas just like the Hermits, and they’re all separated and have no way to contact each other so some things goes wrong

This will also include the Empires designs of the kids, just for funsies, and it will all be made with Hero Forge because as my motto goes, I can’t draw

Liana no last name given

(Parrot pal what happened to you 😭. Probably the only one of the kids to get less slutty on empires than she was before. Traded in her colorful clothes made from rich fabrics, for more dull and comfy clothes. Also she has a wedding ring now)

Spawned above Gobland, in the middle of a fucking snowstorm. Took her five days to get off the mountain and an additional day to find Goblands entrance, so she had a severe case of frost bite and hypothermia. It’s a miracle she came out of the experience with only one foot lost

Stayed in Sanctuary at first because no way in hell she’s gonna live underground, but she moved to the Ancient Capital when she started studying the rift

Pixl has the most books and ancient texts out of anyone on the server, so she gets to read as much as she wants in exchange for assisting him from time to time

She wears a monocle because one too many head traumas leading to bad eyesight in that eye

Liana desperately wants to leave the Empires Server, not just because the one thing she’s good at (selling and swindling) is a useless skill when everything is bought through carefully calculated trades, but also because of the divide it brought upon them, with everyone being spread out across the server and barely seeing each other

(Also she wants to find Hermitcraft because if Joel, Jimmy, and Scott are alive then her dads must be there. It’s a selfish reason but she’s never admit it to being the truth)

She does like the Elytras though, her bird brain gets happy to fly and she does that more than what is probably necessary. Also it’s difficult for her to walk, so yeah

In her pursuit to find the answer to the rift’s mystery, she grows kind of distant from the others, but excuses it with the ends justifying the means

So yeah. Scammer girl needs a nap because she strugglin

Wes Double-SV

(I love making Wes because he’s just a fricking beast, tall broad and strong, but I also know that if he failed at a task he would just start crying. Gentle Giant more like fragile giant. But also my boy kinda thicc tho ngl)

Wes would spawn close to Animalia, and would probably be scared shitless out of the wandering foxes and frogs. And by Lizzie and her freaky mask face with the empty eyes

He would also stay in Sanctuary at first, but would quickly be put off by Sausage. The overly friendly nature by a total stranger just doesn’t sit right with him, also he’s terrified of his dog (It’s what happens when you watch your dads’ corpses get ripped to shreds by a bunch of feral dogs)

Wes would instead find a place in Gobland, an underground city based around mining and machinery. He’s always been more of an underground person, dating Jekiv and all who can’t really go in sunlight, plus mining was an easy way to pass the time on Double Life

Built a railway tunnel to The Evermoore the minute he joined Gobland too, for easy access to Jekiv. He’s a sap

Still nervous around most of the emperors, but he’s grown fond of fWhip, and he’s used to the Double Life emperors, otherwise he’d rather they stay back

Gertrude

(Girl’s so special she getting two designs. This is the first time Gert is not wearing her sunglasses over her eyes actually, so Gertrude eye reveal whoop whoop. Honestly I love making Gert designs, because while she’s got a lot of butch energy, she’s a femme at heart)

Gertrude spawned in Glimmer Grove, and froze solid at the sight of the castle from her childhood dreams. This made her an easy target to Katherine, who jus saw a big hulking figure with wolf ears and went on the attack. They cleared that up pretty quickly

Katherine, feeling bad about literally trying to murder her, offered Gertrude a place to stay in her Empire, which is essentially a dream come true for her, especially since it’s princess fairytale + Monster hunting

A problem did quickly rise however, with the whole werewolf thing Gert has got going on

Gertrude couldn’t exactly tell her boss that she was a werewolf since they are considered monsters, but she couldn’t hide it every month either

Hilarity ensues

No but fr the full moons got really exhausting for all of the dl kids since they had to keep Weretrude away from Katherine, but while a werewolf she has no real awareness or idea what’s going on so they have to keep an eight feet, four hundred pound feral wolf from all of the empire area and from killing them. Basically Johnny and Wes, the two most durable of the kids, wrestled her away from the main area, while the other four played distractions to get her to chase them

No one enjoys it

Johnny

(There’s only so many western cowboy ranch outfits alright, so I said fuck it let there be sluttiness. Also the bracelet he’s wearing is a friendship bracelet from Lily, the warden he befriended. She had a similar one made from straw and strands from his hair)

Appeared in the Eversea, and stuck around for a few hours to check the place out before he heard about Tumblr Town, then he immediately took off

Jimmy was not at all prepared to have this fire child who looks like he’s been through actual hell (Because reminder they come from the dl server, where Johnny actually had moss and vines growing on him and looks half dead) hug him so tightly his back almost pops

Johnny was disappointed to say the least that his dad had no memory of him, in fact disappointed doesn’t cover it he was fucking distressed, but he spent an entire week just following Jimmy around when he was doing his chores, explaining everything from his childhood, to Tango, to their Warden Child, to the ranch. He also built a ranch in that period

Jimmy was kinda iffy about it at first, I mean who wouldn’t be, but Johnny is as stubborn as his fathers and refused to leave him be. Turns out Johnny is a great addition to Tumblr Town with his immunity to heat, tendency for hard manual labor, and absolute love for farm work. Plus, the flame bite came in handy, and the creeper explosion resistance

He doesn’t mind the toy jokes that much either, he’s more annoyed by the build pranks he had to take down, especially the ones that disturb the animals

It took him about two weeks to befriend all the wardens in Gobland. fWhip was not thrilled by the process to get there, but he enjoys to not have to worry about Warden attacks since they’re now pretty civil

Also has a horse named Butternut he loves more than his friends

Jassy

(Queen got two designs as well lol. I made her mask a bandana in her first design and a headband in the second, just cuz fun. Also her hair is a pain in the ass because it’s so inconsistent, why did I add that to her character. Also, just like Liana, she has a wedding ring <3)

Jassy appeared right under Stratos, kinda confused by the empty village but realized that there might be someone up in the floating city above her, so she grabbed yeeted up her grappling hook like a true ninja and climbed up

At first the floating city seemed just as abandoned as the town below, until she stumbled upon a young child dressed in a purple toga who was playing with a small sheriff doll that looked a tiny bit familiar

The child seemed fairly calm with her being there, answering any questions she had such as where am I (‘Stratos’) who are you (‘I’m Hermes!’) where are your parents (Daddy Sausage is in Sanctuary and Thunder Daddy is building a few islands away’), and what is that in your hand (‘It’s my sheriff toy! Thunder Daddy made it!)

Jassy guessed that she could probably get more info from this “Thunder Daddy”, so she grabbed Hermes tiny hand to help guide her and jumped from island to island, til she reached the one Hermes was pointing at and oh fuck that’s my dad

Yet somehow the fact that her dad was putting on the persona on an eleven feet tall god didn’t surprise her at all

While Jassy stays in Stratos sometimes, mainly because of her new little brother Hermes but also because it’s nice to see her dad again, she mainly stays in Eversea of all places. She was raised on a boat, what can I say. So when Hermes stays with Sausage, Jassy leaves to be a pirate

Jassy actually gets along surprisingly well with Joey. She’s a bit of a straight man to him, especially during his pursuit of Katherine

Jekiv

(One of my favorite tropes in media is ‘Goth emo character who looks evil but is actually really nice’. Jek is the opposite of that. He dresses in bright pastels and Flowy clothes, but he’s a fucking zombie necromancer dude who can fuck you up so bad. What an icon. Also the reason behind the many skulls, is because he likes to accessorize with skulls, teeth, and brain matter. Skulls just happen to be the only option here lol)

Jekky boy would appear in the Ancient City, and have quite a hard time to explain to Pixl that no, he is not some old king brought back to life and no, he’s not cursed by some ancient artifact he was just born like this. Needless to say Jekiv didn’t stay there for long

No, he’d seek out a more dark and damp place since he’s not too great with sunlight, and this cursed swamp seems like the perfect place! Sure, he was warned that the place might eat his soul, but he’s not even sure if he had a soul, so it should be fine!

Shelby didn’t really mind having the zombie hybrid staying with her, he was able to collect any potions ingredients she needed from the mangrove swamps without much of a risk, plus it was nice to have someone besides tortoise around

That was until Jekiv got interested in the art of necromancy. Necromancy is very common on every server, I mean theres fricking zombies and skeletons everywhere, but to be able to control the dead into doing your bidding is not so common. In fact it’s classified as dark magic and is illegal for witches

Jekiv does not care about that. He likes death, plus he’s the weakest fighter out of all the kids so he gotta have something to protect him, even if that is a zombie army. A bit morbid since he himself is a zombie, but morality and ethicality has never been his thing

Novo

(Between all of my babies, Novo is the one with the most drastic design changes between his first appearance and now. Man started out as looking like an annoying kid, and now looks like an annoying Slut. Girlboss <3. For real though, I am very proud of this Novo design he looks unhinged af and I love him. Out of all the kids, he’s the one I enjoy the look of the most)

Novo appeared in Chromia, and if you know these characters at all then you should know how that went. Novo got one look at Scott, punched him square in the face, spouted some Australia-Scottish curse he invented himself and then stormed off, leaving poor Scottie quite confused

I imagine that the word of the kids would spread over the server quickly, but also that Oli would not hear about it at all, so when he found a tiny elf boy looking through the frankly pathetic storage system he had in his tent he would be quite stun shocked

Still, Novo has flair, drama, and a very threatening aura, so he’s allowed to stay

Novo is absolutely not a singer however. As I’ve said before you can barely understand the lad because of his Frankenstein accent, and even if you did know what he was singing he’s very off key. Can’t play any instruments either, and is too impatient to learn any

So, he takes to the second part of being a Bard

Okay not that part, he’s in a happy monogamous relationship thank you very much. No the other second part

Singing and playing loudly while following someone around til they actually pay you to stop

Never speaks with Scott after the first day, and all the other dl kids feel that it isn’t there place to tell him what’s going on, so all Scott knows about Novo is that he’s apparently his son and that he flat out despises him. He’s tried to form some sort of relationship with him, but Novo is both stubborn and spiteful and does in fact bite, to no one’s surprise

Tries to serenade Gertrude to the best of his ability, and even though it sounds dreadful (especially to her and her fucking insane dog hearing) she appreciates the attempts

Other small notes:

Gertrude does not like Chromia, because she’s got dog color blindness and the place centers around colors. The place makes her feel inferior :(

Jassy and Liana had a second more “official” wedding on Empires, with clothes designed by Katherine and a ceremony officiated by Pixl. Joel walked Jassy down the aisle

The kids have a lot of leftover mental scars from the dl server, including the fact that they tend to forget that food is once again accessible to them, so they can eat stuff again and not just repeatedly starve themselves

Joey believes Jekiv to be some sort of skeleton creature. He’s not, but he’s clad in a lot on bones and his skin is mauled to the point where bones are sticking out. Jekiv doesn’t visit The Eversea

I would tell y’all how it would go with the kids when the hermits came to Empires, but I kinda wanna see how that arc ends before I plan any storyline out

I do have Hermitcraft designs already created though

Actually they were made before these designs

Anyways baiiiiiii

[nhebi]

cigarette after sex | sebastian | smut | 3.8+ wc

warning : major spoiler for his (and a bit of sam's) heart events, afab! reader, fwb to lovers, implied stalker!seb, chainsmoker!seb, drinking behavior, jealous!seb

notes : this is a self-indulgent fic bcs i love him and hardly see any sv fics around— also, not all of these scenarios are canon, just sumn of them bcs i use my gameplay as the base with random hcs around

After a year living in Pelican Town to take care of your family's farm and making a lot of friends, you're stunned to hear a question from Haley when having a lunch with her and Emily at their house.

"So, have you found someone yet?" She looked at her breakfast, waiting for your answer as Emily chuckles lightly before taking a seat, "Sebastian seems quite interested with you," she comments before taking a small bite from her plate — smiling in her head when looking at your widened eyes.

Sebastian has been a close friend of you for a while. Even though you had a rocky start with him, but he gradually warms up lately and even often leaving his room after finishing his works to see you or having a small adventure at the mine — sometimes giving you presents like obsidian and amethyst.

But hearing Emily's comment, a memory flashed in your head when he tried to take you out for a ride — which you rejected because you're quite afraid to leave your house at late night. Sebastian was quite disappointed but it's a good thing that he's thoughtful about your condition.

"Now that you mentioned that, didn't Sebastian used to carry you all the way from mine after he found out you fainted at dawn?" Haley points her fork at you, raising an eyebrow to demand your answer before you shrug off your shoulders.

The lunch ended pretty much after the talk about Sebastian before you let out a sigh and looking at the pink coloured petals falling from the tree, smiling lightly when some of them fall on to your palm. "The weather is great today, hmm?" A voice comments before you turn your head and let out a giggle, agreeing with it.

"I thought you're supposed to be in your room, Sebastian," you reply, smiling at his little pout.

"The last project worths more than six months of my usual, so I'm taking a break," he replies, rubbing his nape. "How about you though?" He asked as you tell him how you're taking a small break, too.

Remembering your tool at Clint's place, you turn your heel before Sebastian grabs your wrist, "What's wrong? I thought you're free right now," he furrows his eyebrows at you — feeling both ticked off and disappointed.

"I am! I'm just gonna take my watering can before getting back at my place," You reply and pull your hand away, "Can I join you? I mean, I have nothing to do, anyway," he looks at you expectantly when you say yes and walk with him to take the can.

"Hello, what can I— Oh, it's you and.. Sebastian?" Clint gives your back your can while eyeing Sebastian in a certain way — never had a thought or imagine he'd be standing at his place at least once.

"Thanks!" You chirp, taking it in delight before leaving with Sebastian — as Clint stands behind his counter with dumbfounded expression.

Skipping through the path happily, you can't help but feel happy at Clint's work and don't realise you almost slip into the ground if it's not for Sebastian, pulling you into his arms. "Careful, pretty girl, can't see this face scarred," he purrs, running the back of his finger against your cheek.

"Don't talk like that! What if someone heard you!"

As you can see, you have a relationship with Sebastian that needs to keep hidden away from the public because it can cause a fuss (even though you know Haley, Emily, Robin and Maru will be more than happy to know about it).

"But, we're alone, right?" He chuckles as you silently agree. Both of you are currently at the abandoned bus stop on the way to your place as he wraps his arm around your waist, "So, there's nothing to worry," he adds, pressing a soft kiss on your nape — making your cheeks warm.

"Whatever, just don't do it here," you reply, pushing him away before entering your house and place down the can at a table while Sebastian looks around. "It's bigger than before. Guess you're very rich now, huh?" He comments, looking at the small flower vase on the table.

"Thanks to your mom that I have the second floor and cellar now," you reply before entering your room to change the clothes, looking at a black hoodie Sebastian left once in the drawer before taking it out to give back.

"Keep it," he says when he notices your hand, holding his hoodie, "It's a gift for you," he pushes the hoodie back into the drawer before taking a look at your current outfit.

Unlike your previous sailor outfit, you're wearing something more revealing — a strapped crop top and miniskirt that stops mid thighs. "What?" You asked, looking at his reflection on the mirror as you tie your hair up.

"You look great, that's it," he smiles, wrapping his arms around your waist, feeling the peeking bare skin below your stomach against his palm. "Nothing else," he nuzzles against your neck.

"Uh-huh," you smile before walking to the bed, patting the empty space beside you — asking him to sit down. "Only if you sit here," you shift away from your original position almost instantly — following his order then resting your head against his chest.

Leaning against your headboard, Sebastian wraps his arms around you tightly — pressing kisses over your bare skin, leaving trail of his marks from your neck down to the chest. Sliding his hand down to give your hip a squeeze — he lets out soft chuckle when you let out a soft yelp, slapping his chest jokingly.

"Gosh, I missed you," he whispers, pushing your top over your head and watch your breasts spill from the bra — fondling them in his hands gently while nibbling on your skin, watching your hazed eyes looking away from his touch.

"I— I'm not in the mood," you murmur, pushing his hands away, "Sorry, I'm not feeling like doing it, Seb."

Retracting his hands away, he shakes his head — telling you it's his fault for not noticing your discomfort when he touches you. "We can do something else, you know?" He tries to persuade you — to let you stay by his side at least for another minute.

Alas, you shake your head and point the door with your thumb — feeling want to be left alone for some time and ask him to spend time with Abigail and Sam more — as they're his friends before you come to the town.

"I— you know that, you and Sam are the only friends I have here, right?" He whispers desperately, holding onto your arm.

"What was that, Seb?" You ask, didn't catch him from the first time as Sebastian shakes his head gently. "It's nothing. Take care, okay? I'll ask my mom to bring you pumpkin soup tomorrow morning if you still feeling sick," he replies before walking out from the house — feeling frustrated because his long awaited holiday will be spent for literally nothing but arcade, cigarette, night ride and pool.

It has been two weeks and Robin's worried about Sebastian's condition due to your absence. "It's been weeks, right? Is she okay?" Maru asks as Robin tells her about your condition the last time she visited your house to bring some pumpkin soup.

Sam, being a sweetheart he is, decides to pay a visit to your house while carefully stepping into your room — not wanting to wake you up at seven in the morning during weekends.

"Hey, doll, you alright?" Sam brushes your hairs away from your face, looking at your droopy eyes — still sleepy. "I brought you pizza," he says, helping you to sit down on the bed and placing the box on your lap.

"So, wanna talk about it?" Sam asks, taking a bite from his slice while looking at you expectantly — demanding an answer for the recent event between you and Sebastian. "Abigail been hooking up with him, right?" You asked, taking a small gulp from a soda he got from his workplace.

"An old news— but, yes," he replies, crashing down his soda can before helping you out to clean up the mess. From the messy pile of dirty clothes at the corner of the room to the dished from this morning — Sam helps you out without any single question, flashing a smile whenever you tell him that he doesn't have to do it.

"It's a good thing we set the sprinklers on time," you sigh, laying down on the bed with Sam — who nods tiredly, feeling his fingers went numb due to the difficulty to set up the small and delicate parts of the sprinkler, not wanting to break any. "Being a farmer is hard, huh? What do you do during free time anyway? I'm curious."

Sam sits down in the bed with crossed legs, waiting for your answer obediently as you chuckle out in your head, imagining how he has puppy ears and wagging tail behind him with doe like eyes — begging for another treat to enjoy. "Anything that I can get on my hands," you smile lightly, hinting at him by resting my head against his shoulder.

"Well, it's been a while, huh?" He smiles gently, caressing your cheek with the back of his hand before pinching your chin to plant a peck on your lips.

Before you know Sebastian personally, Sam used to be your fling especially during summer and you can bet how good he is — both as a friend and fling. Because he wants you to know others, he decided to introduce you to Abigail and Sebastian first because they're his close friends.

Pulling you to sit down between his thighs, Sam rests his hands on your thighs and massage the inner part gently — teasing you by entering a digit inside, watching you getting shuddered from his action alone.

"Just— focus on me, okay?" He gives you a reassuring smile, resting his hand against your cheek before you gives him a curt nod and tangle your hand into his hairs — giving him permission to do whatever he wants to do to you.

It's been months and Sebastian hasn't received any reply from you in the instant message. "What's up with her?" He bites his nail nervously, clicking on the refresh page button for few times before giving up and turns off his computer after his mother told him that Sam and Abigail will come downstairs to meet him.

Instead of two people, he only see Abigail — which raises a question in his head because Sam won't miss any chance to spend some time with Abigail and him. "Where's Sam?" He asks Abigail, who shrugs her shoulders off, "He said he'll be a bit late."

After half an hour, Sam shows up with you few steps behind — making Sebastian's heart beat faster than usual as his face getting heated up. "Hey, sorry for the late appearance and unexpected plus one," Sam rubs his nape with wry chuckles — feeling relief when Sebastian lets him go.

"The merrier, the better," Abigail claps her hands with bright smile before giving you a space to sit down beside her on sofa. "Thanks," you murmurs under the breath, fixing up your skirt to sit comfortably.

"It's a rare thing for you to wear other than overalls and turtleneck," Abigail comments, noticing your outfit — a high neck ruffled blouse, skirt with suspender and mary jane with thigh high socks. "Here, your hair will look good if you style it this way," she lets down your hair before styling it to a half updo.

"You look cute like that!" Sam pinches your nose gently — cooing at your fired up cheeks. "Shut up," you exclaim, lips jutting out at his comment before letting out a small smile at his small gesture of adoration.

"It's rare for you to dress up. Dating someone?" Sebastian asks — hiding out his shaky hands under his desk due to his dismay to find you in love with someone else that's not him.

Turning your head away, Sebastian can assure that the answer is ...

"No!" You exclaim out, fidgeting on your seat, "I mean, there's someone who I've been falling in love with but I'm not brave enough to ask him out," you slump into the sofa — leaving the noirette big waves of relief.

"You must have been joking around with me," Sebastian mutters to Sam, who sits down on his bed — replying to him with a small head shake. "Sam, seriously? You fall in love with her?" Sebastian asks — trying to cross-check his friend's answer.

"Yes, I think I'm in love with her," Sam mutters, a hint of doubt still lingering around.

Sebastian's mind is a hot mess right now — his friend is in love with his crush and it weighs his heart more than ever.

"I mean, not to ruin your day — but, did she give you any sign to keep going? I don't want you to feel led on," he asks carefully, trying not to sound like a jerk he is towards his love rival.

"Remember when she dressed up yesterday? We went to buy some ice cream before coming to your place then had a date at the saloon," Sam smiles lightly, remembering the day he spent with you — but Sebastian doesn't like it, especially if it's with his friend.

"Date?" Sebastian furrows his eyebrows at him — not feeling sure how this date of his and you were. "Well, we had dinner together, playing arcade and then I walked her home!" Sam grins radiantly much to Sebastian's dismay.

"Doesn't it just like what you do with Abby and me usually?" Sebastian scoffs, crossing his arms over the chest as Sam shakes his head. "It's different because I can know more about her — to spend some quiet, intimate moment with my loved one," he puffs out his chest, feeling proud to be able to differentiate those two events.

As for Sebastian, he's livid — because his crush had a date with his close friend, something he wished to happen to him. Yet, he doesn't have any heart to ruin his friend's happiness — especially knowing how this is his first time to feel genuinely enjoyed something at this town.

"Good for you then," he shrugs his shoulders off before telling Sam that he wants to finish some modules because his clients want them to finish before this weekend. "I see, good luck then!" Sam grins, giving him a squeeze on shoulder, "I'll go to her place then since Abby is busy, too," he adds before Sebastian grabs his wrist.

"Huh? What's wrong, Seb?" Sam cocks his head to side, noticing Seb's grasp on his wrist. "Uh, you gonna go to the farm?" He asks out, trying not to stutter before Sam answers it with a nod.

"I'm in,"

"And that's the last one!" You grin at both of men in front of you, holding a peace sign with a grin plastered over your face. "Here, lemme help you," Sam takes out a handkerchief and wipes away dirt from your face — making sure there's no stain left.

Sebastian, who sits at the porch with his lemonade, can't help but feel jealous towards Sam. Aside from the fact he knew you first and spends more time with you than Sebastian, he kinds wish he can show more affection to you too in public and vice versa instead of hiding behind the walls and spending the night — only to find you already leave for your farm or he finishing his modules.

"Hey, dark wizard, you good?" You place your hands against the hips, cocking your head to the side while trying to take a good look at his face. "You've been quiet since you came. If Sam forces you to be here, it's alright with you to leave," you offers with a gentle smile before taking off your gloves and boots — washing off the remaining soil before put on your house sandals.

"I— actually, do you mind if I crash around? I need to finish some works and the house's been kinda.. noisy," he rubs his nape, shifting his gaze lower from your hair before it naturally stops at your chest — almost spilling out from your low cut tank top, almost translucent due to your sweat and water.

"I don't mind it. Though, tell your mom about it first, so she won't be worried," you reply, throwing a small towel over the shoulder before walking to the door. "Well, it's kinda late now. So, I'll just leave before my mom nagged me," Sam grins, giving Seb a small fist and hug you loosely — walking away from your sight.

When it was only both of you and Sebastian at the porch, casually hanging out to play some board games while eating fresh peaches and apricots you harvested before — Sebastian thought it'll stay as how he thought it was — boring and uneventful.

But after watching Sam stepping away from the last stone path at your place — he feels a certain feeling of proud and victory, being the last man to stay at your place tonight instead of him. "You in?" Sebastian blinks his eyes back to the reality because of your question — following you inside the cottage.

"How's your date yesterday?" He asks out of nowhere, stabbing the hash browns and Salisbury steak you made for dinner. "Date? What date? I was busy fighting off giant larvae at mines," you reply, feeling confused about this 'date' he talks about.

"Sam told me you both had a date before and after leaving my place," he looks at you with uneasiness — hoping it was just an exaggeration. "Oh, that. Why?" He shakes his head, taking a salt shaker for his steak, "How's it? Hope he didn't do anything stupid," he mutters under his breath.

"I mean, I don't think Penny will see it stupid," he raises his head, feeling confused about how Penny got dragged into this conversation. "Jodi couldn't come and Shane left after half an hour. So, I decided to join in this family day as Jas' 'mother', much to Vincent's distaste," you quote air it with your fingers, chuckling lightly at the memory.

"I thought you had ice cream and dinner with him," he looks down to the corner of the table, poking lightly at the chipping wood. "I did! I mean, not only with him — but, still with him," you reply out, trying not to freak out about this whole interrogation when you find it clicked.

"Seb,"

"Yeah, doll?"

"Are you by any chance.. jealous of Sam?"

Cling!

Sebastian drops his utensils at your suspicion before crouching down to take it back and place it on the table — cleaning them up with napkin to ignore your question. Because of his racing heart, he's scared he'll say something stupid once he opens up his mouth to answer you.

"Yes," a small affirmation escapes from his lips as he smacks his hand over the mouth — hoping it came out smaller than he thought, feeling embarrassed for feeling one despite his relationship with you that's a mere no string attached.

"I see," you mutter down before standing up to grab his empty plate to wash with yours. Drying up your hands, you turn your head to see Seb, with head hanging out again your sofa's arm.

Clicking your tongue at his behaviour (which had become one of your pet peeves), you walk to his direction and crouch down to see his eyes. "What?" Seb raises an eyebrow, resting his hand over your head, "don't you have works to do?" You tilt your head to side slightly, waiting for his answer.

"I'm a bit lazy right now," he replies before pulling you to his chest, "let's snuggle instead," he rests his chin against your shoulder — snaking his hands underneath your top, feeling your soft bare skin against his calloused fingers (which was caused by his increasing riding out habit).

"Do you really want to snuggle?" You place your hands over his chest, looking at him with a cheeky smile. "Nah, I don't," he gives you a half-smile before pressing you against his hips, kneading your breast gently before peppering some light marks over then.

Pushing his trousers down, you give him a few slow pumps — enjoying his soft grunts and lowered moans from his lips before getting down to him, tangling your fingers with his. "You feel so good," he pants, placing his hand over your nape to press your forehead against his — looking into your eyes deeply.

"I love you, forever and always. I will always love you, now and then," he smiles gently before widening his eyes at the sight of your tears. "No— What's wrong? I'm sorry," he cups both your cheeks, coaxing you with sweet praises and apologies while you shaking your head at his words.

"I love you, too, Seb," you reply, making a small blush blossoming onto his cheeks with a smile plastered over his lips. "It's good to hear that the feeling's mutual," he whispers lightly then bottom out under you, thrusting inside you slower than before.

"Are you close, doll?" You nod your head furiously before he plants one last kiss on your lips, spurting a thick, white rope of a mess inside you. Feeling it dripping down to his thighs, Seb fixes up his posture — taking couple of tissues to clean you up then standing up.

"I'll run a bath for you before taking a drag outside," he kisses your forehead sweetly, giving you a lingering gaze after parted away and enter the bathroom — while you laying down on the sofa, thinking about how he could have fallen in love with someone like you.

Of course it's amazing to have your crush liking you back and you can say this is one of the best moments in your life as you take out your phone to send a small 'thanks for your effort' to Sam and place it down when Seb has come out from the bathroom.

"You don't take one?" Seb shakes his head, "Already when filling up your tub," he replies, gives your head a small pat before walking out to the porch with a bottle of Red Label and a box of Camel, his favourite — watching the thick white smoke disappearing with the night breeze.

"Can I get some?" Your head peaking out from behind the oak door, water dripping down from your hair to the floor. "C'mere," Seb places his towel over your head, dying up your hairs gently as he takes a swift whiff of your scent — something sweet and floral, a bit earthy, though.

"Here, open your mouth," Seb places the lip of the bottle against yours, watching you take few gulps obediently. "Gah! It's strong!" you pout, resting your chin on his arm — earning a small chuckle from him. "Well, can't say it's not," he replies, lighting up another cig for himself — blowing it into your face.

"Ugh, I don't like it," you grunts, referencing to his smoke that his your face before he put the burnt end on his portable ashtray. "Aight, won't do it again," he replies, pressing a soft kiss to your neck and earning a small 'good' from you.

[caffeinated-cryptid]

patton and the no-good day

5.9k words | AO3 link | warnings: angst, alcohol, swearing, arguing, lashing out, minor injury, crying, fire, repetition.

“Patton wants to know what it’s like to make the right choices, so he tries...And tries. And tries and tries andtriesandtries-

(aka: a time loop fic where patton manages to revisit the day of svs, this time with the goal of making everyone happy. he quickly discovers that he's bitten off more than he can chew.)”

________________________________

Patton was unhappy. And he was unhappy because everyone else was unhappy. After the wedding, he had become so intimately aware of every mistake he had made. From Logan’s quiet dismissal when he tried to talk to him, to Virgil’s obvious avoidance of everyone, to Roman’s complete shutdown.

The only sides he could assume weren’t mad at him at the moment were Janus and Remus. And Remus was only a maybe, just based on how excited he’d been to hear that he had turned into a giant muscular frog alone.

Patton could only grimace upon recalling his breakdown. It was supposed to be the turning point for him, an indication of ‘Hey, I've come to realize that I’m deeply flawed but now I’m able to start fixing things!’. But of course, it didn’t turn out like that. Every day that passed only grew harder and harder with his mistakes staring him in the face. He was tired of waking up, dreading the insurmountable process of trying to make things right and failing, only to fall asleep and try again the next day.

It was like he was trapped in a loop of identical days, each one as ineffective as the last.

Patton could barely imagine the end of this tunnel, until one morning, he woke up and for once everything felt... different.

He ignored the feeling at first as got ready as usual, heading out towards the kitchen with the expectation of seeing empty chairs at empty tables once more. Except when he walked in this time, preparing to make a breakfast no one would eat, everyone was there already seated. It was just like how everything was before-- Janus and Remus were absent, but Logan, Virgil, Roman...all of the sides he considered his best friends were there, all togeher in one place for the first time in weeks.

He burst into tears on the spot and they collectively startled, immediately questioning what was wrong. It took a few minutes to convince them all that he was fine, that he just got emotional seeing them all because he loved them so much (which wasn't even a lie!), and in the end they accepted his explanation because sometimes that was just what Patton was like. As he sat down and tried to act as normal as possible, he couldn't help but stare at all of them, so carefree as they chatted and poked fun at each other. There wasn't a single furrowed brow, or a hidden frown, or a look of hurt. It was unfortunately because of that that he knew his gut feeling was right; there was something strange going on here.

Throughout the morning, Patton couldn’t put his finger on what was so familiar about this day until he felt a certain series of events occur: Thomas gets a call. He picks up the phone and talks with the casting agent for a famous director. He’s told that he got the callback for his audition and he’s terribly excited, so excited that his sides come out to celebrate with him and-

Oh. Oh! That was his cue, wasn’t it? Patton bit back a frown, rising up to share their excitement and then to remind them about the wedding that was scheduled for the same day. It was hauntingly familiar, seeing the way Thomas and Roman became dejected and knowing that this was only the start of an uphill battle.

And then Fauxgan came in- or rather Janus, disguised as Logan- and when Patton saw his new snakey friend, his chest swelled with excitement. This was his opportunity to change things! He knew that in the current script, Janus would soon reveal himself and begin pushing back against what Patton had said. So when that happened this time, he could simply agree and make it seem like he had been convinced to change his mind. That way, they could reach a different solution and everyone would be happy.  Simple!

Patton watched and waited patiently as the others made comments back and forth; Virgil and Janus snarking each other as Janus made his case to be listened to.

“That...can not be where the bar is!” Virgil protested in disbelief once Thomas agreed to hear him out, based on his vague 'the enemy of my enemy is a friend' ideal.

“Well, the bar for skipping an important opportunity should be higher than a...social engagement.” Janus replied distastefully.

This was where he originally jumped in to disagree. Patton saw Roman grow shifty out of the corner of his eye and knew: this was it!

“Maybe Janus is right! This is a huge opportunity. We should try to figure out a way to make both events if we can, but this means a lot for Thomas so we shouldn’t just skip it.“ Patton said confidently, even though the argument felt strange coming out of his mouth. At least he knew this time around he was making the right choice by backing down.

But the others only looked at him strangely, with varying degrees of confusion across their faces.

“Who’s Janice-”

“You’re agreeing with  him?! I knew you were acting weird-”

“How do you know my name-”

Patton’s eyes widened, realizing his subconscious mistake. He had gotten so used to referring to Deceit as Janus over the weeks that they’d been friends that his name just automatically slipped out. It was too late to take it back; the conversation was quickly derailed, with too many accusations coming out at once to even try geting back into the dilemma. At one point Janus wondered aloud if Remus had somehow gotten out and taken the form of Patton, which only raised more questions and ended with a sword pointed at his throat.

It was a disaster. They make the last-minute decision to go to the wedding out of spite for Janus and Patton.

________________________________

The next morning, Patton woke up with a start, looking around his room to find that it was exactly the way he had left it the day prior. Normally this wouldn’t be such a cause for alarm, but today it was because Patton was certain he had thrown a few things last night in childish frustration at himself for messing things up. Only soft items, because he couldn’t bear to accidentally destroy anything in his sentiment-filled room, but the fact remained that seeing his pillows lined up at the end of his bed again was a strange sign, one that had him suspicious about how this day was going to go.

To test his theory, he went down to the kitchen without bothering to change out of his pajamas, only to see the other three sides already sitting there in the exact same places as yesterday. He paused in the doorway, waiting for them to show recognition of the day prior-- for some kind of hostility or accusation. The only thing he received were snickers.

“Nice PJs, Pat.” Virgil smirked over his bowl of cereal before going back to scrolling on his phone.

Patton’s mind slowly processed this. It was as if the day had reset, back to the world he had woken up to yesterday. He sunk down into the last remaining chair and forced himself to make a joke about ‘having a PB&J sandwich to match this PJ day’, despite Logan’s protests that he would not be sharing the last jar of crofters (He always said this to deter them from eating his jam, but it was always a lie and he'd always let them have some in the end. Patton didn’t realize how much he missed that habit of his until he almost started crying again over Logan passing him the jam jar).

After a perfectly normal breakfast, he quickly returned back to his room to change and prepare for what was ahead of him. Now that he knew the day was definitely repeating and could recognise where he went wrong yesterday, he just needed to ensure he didn’t make such a silly mistake right off the bat again.

He went through the motions: Thomas getting a phone call, him reminding them of the wedding, and then the beginnings of debate.

“I agree with Deceit.” He said this time, smiling as he remembered to not use Janus’ name.

Despite his conscious effort, it doesn’t go over much better. Janus was surprised and suspicious of Patton’s sudden change of heart and Virgil immediately got on the defense. Once again, the argument quickly escalated.

“Why would you side with him?! He’s one of the others! You can’t trust him!” Virgil cried, hands tugging on his hoodie strings as he desperately tried to convince them. It was currently three against one. He must have felt cornered, having no one on his side, Patton realized belatedly.

“And how are you so sure of that?” Patton still responded back, feeling offended on behalf of his friend. He had promised himself he wouldn’t make things worse this time, but seeing Virgil get so angry at him hit a sore spot. As long as he was right about his theory, this day was already ruined the moment he sided with Janus, anyway.

“Because I was one of them!” Virgil yelled, and his expression quickly changed from frustrated to devastated to frightened. And then he sunk out, giving no one the chance to stop him.

The remaining sides stood in silence before Janus broke into hysterical laughter. Patton could hear it echo in his mind as the day reset for the third time.

________________________________

The next time, he didn’t bring up the wedding at all.

Patton didn’t want to kid himself; he was scared from seeing Virgil sink out so suddenly. After having Virgil’s anger directed at him twice and seeing him leave upset once, he figured that meant that outright siding with Janus was a risky thing to do if he wanted to make sure everyone was happy by the end of this.

So instead of trying to change his stance, he simply removed the confusing aspect out of the equation altogether and made sure no one remembered it or brought it up. This way for sure, he thought, everything would go a lot smoother.

...He was wrong.

Weeks passed after the phone call and everything was peaceful-- Patton didn’t experience any resets and he took this as a good sign, enjoying the time with his family which he had dearly been missing out on. The sides were excited for the opportunity, which only grew when the callback came and went and they aced it. It was like Patton had finally achieved the dream scenario, until one day later when Thomas summoned them with a horrified look on his face.

“I skipped Lee and Mary Lee’s wedding when I went to the callback.” Was all he said.

“...Huh? How is that possible?” Virgil asked, simultaneously looking like he was going to faint and/or run away. “That couldn’t have been yesterday, could it? I mean, the odds of that…”

“It was. However…” Logan spoke up, and everyone watched as he summoned his calendar, wearing baffled expressions when he pointed to yesterday’s date-- revealing that the wedding had never been written down at all. Thomas had somehow pushed it completely out of his mind.

“But...it was for a big opportunity! Surely they’ll understand if you explain why you had to miss the wedding.” Roman argued, glancing around at the panicking sides.

“That’s the thing, they’re upset that I didn’t tell them about it beforehand and they think I blew them off on purpose. Now all of our mutual friends think I only care about myself.” Thomas stressfully looked down at his phone as he got another text message- and not a very kindly-worded one at that. “I don’t know what to do to fix this!”

Patton paled. Surely that couldn’t be right. Could things really have gotten this bad, just because he hadn’t reminded them of the wedding?

“It looks like Thomas has become a social pariah.” A smooth voice cut in. “And I’m sure you all know who’s to blame.”

No-

________________________________

The next time, Patton woke up in tears, unable to get the image of Janus turning against him out of his mind.

This time he doesn’t try to avoid the debate. Debates were crucial; they were how they got through most of their problems! In retrospect it was silly to try and skip that part of the day altogether, but at least now he had a clearer idea of what to try next. The issue from the last attempt was that Lee and Mary Lee weren’t spoken to, so this time he’d back Roman up when he suggested communication.

When they were next able to arrange a meeting to talk, Thomas explained the situation to the couple; how he had gotten a last-minute once in a lifetime offer. They were excited for him and encouraged him to take the opportunity, but Patton saw it in their eyes, how they gave Thomas sad smiles and looked at each other with disappointment.

He panicked, and Thomas changed his tune, pretending to check his phone and coming to the ‘realization’ that he got the time wrong, that he could go after all.

Lee and Mary Lee were thrilled.

But the others hated him for it.

________________________________

The next time for sure, he thought he’d get the courage to do it right.

They talked to Lee and Mary Lee. Thomas explains the situation, and this time Patton doesn’t make him change his mind. They’re disappointed, but despite knowing this deep down Thomas stays firm and decides to go to callback anyway.

During the lead-up to the 13th of April, Roman keeps looking to him for guidance, asking if this was really alright. Patton tries to assure him, but even he doesn’t know. He feels like everything he’s doing is putting them on the right track, but after thinking he was doing the right thing and being wrong several times, he isn’t able to say for certain that they were making a good choice. Especially not with the unknown variable of Lee and Mary Lee's disappointment thrown into the mix.

Eventually Roman learns to stop coming to him with his fears, and when it comes to the callback he chokes during the performance. Thomas messes up and someone else gets the role.

They don’t get to go to the wedding or win the callback.

Roman ducks out the same day and Remus takes his place.

________________________________

The next time, Patton was overly aware of his lack of certainty. He hadn’t realized how close Roman had been to falling over the edge, so during his next attempt he can't help but keep it fresh in his mind.

Throughout the debate he makes sure to agree with the creative side. He didn’t oppose any of his arguments or call him out where he originally thought he was being selfish; he’s as kind and gentle as can be, haunted by what had happened one cycle ago.

It makes Janus upset. He knows Patton’s true stance and can’t understand why he’s silencing his voice so much for one side alone. He ends up pointing out how Patton is being underhanded by trying to use flattery to get things to go his way and then mentions how that must be how he's managed to keep everyone under his thumb for so long. Patton sees red.

It’s nice to get his steadily building frustration out. Perhaps Janus is an undeserving target of his anger, but the criticism just hit too close to home for him to accept lying down. He didn't want to be a manipulative person. He had been trying so hard to let others have their voices be heard and not seize control the narrative too much, but in the end wasn't that what he was doing now? Trying to manipulate everything, even if his motives were good? The realization had blood pumping in his ears, drowning out everything but his own voice.

Everyone becomes tense when he starts yelling and Janus only stares in shock, confused and oddly enough, hurt to be the focus of the usually happy pappy's wrath. Patton yells until his throat is hoarse, and then some more because he knows he can't damage his vocal chords here. He does it for Logan, who had been pushed aside almost every time they've done this. For Virgil, who had so many doubts and fears and was too afraid to share them until they become too much. For Roman, who was the most likely to get crushed whatever they did. For Janus, who was just trying to get a seat at the table. For Remus, who potentially never would.

For himself, who just couldn't get this right.

When he's done the room is so silent that they would have been able to hear a pin drop and he feels a weight off his chest. He's made his point, loud and clear.

Even though the others have no idea what he’s talking about.

________________________________

The next time, Patton wakes up feeling guilty for losing his temper, despite how cathartic it had been to let loose a little bit. He can’t look the others in the eye when he goes to breakfast, and instead spends the whole time in his head, trying to figure out what to try next.

This time he decides to soften his voice. He already knows it’s a mistake based on prior experience, but he doesn’t know what else to do-- doesn’t have the time to consider any other approach to take before Thomas is getting that phone call once again.

Throughout the debate, his statements fall short. He lacks conviction. He subtly tries to side with Janus and Roman, but not to the extent where it makes Virgil upset, and it only makes him look flakey. He’s flimsy; uncertain, and everyone can tell. He can practically feel Logan’s desperation to take his place from the back row.

In the end, Thomas is convinced that he’s a completely horrible and selfish person due to Patton’s lack of assertion otherwise and avoids both events out of a self-induced spiral of guilt and anxiety.

________________________________

The next time Patton is too firm. He keeps assuring Thomas that he’s not a bad person, and realizes too late that he fell back into his old habits.

Roman sentences them to the wedding again.

Patton summons a pillow to scream into in frustration.

________________________________

By the 50th loop, Patton had more or less given up. He starts the day by rolling out of bed and popping open the cork of a wine bottle right into his face. It’s in the moment he starts feeling a black eye form that he makes the formal decision: fuck it.

He skips breakfast to sip wine through a silly straw (because casual alcoholism doesn’t count when you make it fun. Or when you’re stuck in a figurative nightmare), and he changes into the most ‘dad on vacation’ clothes he owned; a gaudy hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts. He forgoes shoes because decidedly this isn’t a shoes kind of day, and after 50 god-forsaken attempts at trying to get this right, he thinks he’s earned a little self-indulgence.

When the time rolls around to start the video, he belatedly rises up in the living room tispy and wearing his old 2015 new years novelty sunglasses. The others are immediately taken aback at his appearance while Thomas grimaces.

“Ah… So that’s why I’ve been thinking about cursing people out all day.”

“You should. It’d be funny.” Patton giggles.

“...Okay.” Virgil states, likely finding his behaviour too familiar for comfort. “What the fuck."

Janus doesn’t join them this time around; instead the real Logan shows up because suddenly everything had switched courses into a completely different problem. The four of them try to figure out what’s wrong with Patton, and he refuses to cooperate the entire time, just for the heck of it. Eventually he grows bored of watching them fuss and squabble, so he starts saying the first things to come to mind, the deepest opinions that were buried under all of his repression-- things he wouldn’t dare say if he were sober and free from this hell.

“I hate all of you sometimes.” He announces over their discussion without guilt, too far gone to care how hurt the faces that looked back at him were. He knew it wasn’t real anyway, at least it wouldn’t be when the next loop started.

“I hate how I can apologize forever and it’s still not enough. I hate how I have to accept the mistakes made against me, but you all get to sulk for weeks and not even let me try to make things right. When all I’ve ever wanted is to make you happy.”

“Patton-” Logan begins hesitantly. He looks like he wants to contradict him and Patton doesn't care for it.

“Stupid of me, right Logan?” He cuts him off with a laugh, dry and completely unlike himself. Logan closes his mouth, regret flashing across his face, and it just felt so good in that moment to be the bitter one for once. He’s never done it before; always having to take the high road while everyone else chose to be petty and self-absorbed in their own egos. No fault to them for that; he felt pretty amazing right now, going against the moral code he had built and adhered to for so long. It felt forbidden and like the sort of thing he’d regret later. (And heck, with all the mistakes he’d been accidentally making, perhaps doing something wrong on purpose was like taking that power back.)

“I’m doing all of this- going through this day again and again- for what?” He continues, glaring at them individually. “I’m doing my best here- just to make everything alright again, and- fuck.”

Patton ignores the shocked expression he gets when he swears. He’s getting too close to feeling bad again, so he summons another bottle of wine. He learns from his mistake and points it away from himself this time, and the cork doesn’t hit him in the face; instead it smashes into the tv screen. Roman and Virgil yelp. Thomas stares.

“...Patton, what are you talking about?” Thomas asks.

“I suppose it doesn’t matter.” Patton giggles again after taking a long swig, sliding back against the blinds until he's on the floor. Away from the cameras, at last. “None of you will remember this anyway.”

And they don’t. (They never do)

________________________________

The next time, he wakes up without a black eye or a hangover and considers not leaving his bed today. He does anyway, just to make sure he hadn’t done something irreversible and ruined everything for real this time.

He goes to the kitchen to find everyone sitting like they always do, in the exact same positions at the exact same time with the exact same food, without fail. They acknowledge him the same way they always do as he enters the room and he can’t help but grind his teeth when it feels like mocking. So he walks over to the cupboard and starts pulling out plates to smash against the ground.

They’re surprised, worried, taken aback, and as he stands in a sea of broken china he doesn’t care about what they have to think about him. He already knows nothing he does right now will have later consequences, even if it means cutting up his feet like an idiot.

He’ll just have to do better next time.

________________________________

He doesn’t do better. Instead, he gives into the urge to stay in bed all day. No one comes for him and the discussion happens without him, which he knows because he resists the summons to go testify.

Maybe Logan got to be the lawyer this time. That’d be nice, he supposes. ________________________________

The next time he sets fire to his room, just to see what it would feel like to see everything he cares for burn.

(It doesn't feel much like anything, because he already knows it'll be back the next day. He hates it in unspeakable amounts when he's proven right.)

________________________________

The next, he goes over to the other half of the mindscape and steals Janus’ hat, feeling a bit more carefree as the side pursues him around the mindscape and the rest of the day is derailed.

________________________________

The next, he tries to make a cake to celebrate the callback and accidentally burns it. He feels like there's some sort of cosmic irony there.

________________________________

The next, he does nothing but make puns until the others cry in frustration.

________________________________

Next, he goes to the other half of the mindscape again and hangs out with Remus all day, just to check up on him after not seeing him since he took Roman’s place that one time.

Remus tries to attack him several times but Patton is past the point of being afraid of him. At one point he catches the shuriken Remus throws at his head and he finally manages to earn his favour.

They end up having a good time, talking until everything resets again.

________________________________

Next, he kisses everyone on the cheek and apologizes for getting drunk and being mean to them.

(Despite them being reseted versions of themselves and therefore not remembering any of it. He still does it anyway and it still makes him feel slightly better afterwards).

________________________________

Next, he finds the energy to make a genuine effort once again.

This time Logan ducks out. Patton spends the next few loops in mourning.

________________________________

By around the 75th loop, he’s finally had enough. There’s no more fun to be had messing around with these constantly-reseting sides, and he’s so so tired of trying to keep the peace and failing. Nothing he does was working-- in fact it seemed like he was just making things worse based on the amount of times one of the sides had broken down in front of them or tried to duck out or left with undealt with emotions. (There were so many things he had seen that would stick with him for a while, wondering just how close they were to having something similar happen in reality. He couldn't even rest anymore, kept awake by the questions.)

If he were a different side, one more accustomed to problem solving, perhaps he would’ve had a solution by now, but he just doesn’t. It's not how he was meant to operate. So instead of trying to figure it out, he goes to Virgil’s room after breakfast and starts blubbering in front of him until he’s led onto his bed where he's awkwardly consoled.

Virgil, without even knowing why he’s upset, places a comforting hand on his back anyway which sends Patton into even greater sobs. It had been so long since he'd let someone hug him or show him affection- so upset with himself for his failings that he stopped believing that he deserved any of it. This time he just lets it happen because he needs some comfort and if he doesn't get it he doesn't know how he'll be able to continue forward.

The two of them end up moving to a more neutral part of the mindscape as to not make his feelings worse, and he allows himself to indulge in just being held. He's aware of exactly how long they have until the start of the debate, so he milks his time with Virgil for all he's got, until eventually his crying evens out into sniffles, leaving him with tired eyes and a runny nose.

He knows Virgil wants to ask what’s wrong, but he breaks the silence first when he finally manages to calm down.

“Do you know how to get out of a loop?”

He can’t see Virgil’s face from where they’re hugging, but he can tell that he’s at odds with the question.

“You’re asking me, the MVP of spiralling, how to get out of a loop?” Virgil asked unbelievingly.

“Yeah, you’re right- It was stupid.” Patton begins, pulling away before Virgil stops him.

“I didn’t say that.” He says quickly, worriedly. Then he goes quiet in deliberate thought. “...You have to rely on the people around you to get out of it, I guess.”

When Patton makes a questioning noise, he continues.

“I mean… Sometimes it’s all you can do, y’know? You’re always gonna be biased when you’re living in your own head, and if you’re struggling to get through something yourself... the best thing to do is ask for help. Get a different viewpoint.”

"Sounds scary." Patton laughs wetly. Virgil joins him, sounding relieved.

"Yeah. It's definitely not as easy as it sounds. Being vunerable and reaching out to people, that is."

"...How do you manage?"

"Well..." Virgil pulls back a little. "I don't always. But you just have to trust that it'll be worth it in the end. And it usually is."

After a moment of thinking that over, Patton draws back fully and stares at him. Virgil meets his eyes with barely-veiled worry as he continues. “So… If you’re dealing with something, you can always tell us. You should know by now that you don't have to deal with everything alone, popstar.”

Patton can't meet his gaze any longer when his eyes heat up once more. "...I just want to be there for all of you," He finally admits in a small voice. "It's my one goal, and I feel like I only let you down. I can't expect you to carry my problems with you, on top of that."

Virgil's frown deepens. "It's not us carrying a burden for you, Pat. It's sharing the load equally so you don't fall under the pressure." His hand found Patton's back again, rubbing small circles. "If you feel like you have to be the one to fix everything all the time, then maybe we failed you as friends."

Once again, the dam broke, and Patton sincerely did not know what to say to that. Virgil pulled him back to his side, letting Patton rest his head on his shoulder as he let out his second round of tears for the day. They were spending too much time talking about his issues, he realized as the video started once more, but Virgil didn't make any move to leave his side, and for the nth time that day, he was incredibly greatful to him.

Something about their conversation clicked in his brain, and it was like he knew exactly what he needed to do. When he was finally ready to let go of this day, he gave Virgil one last hug and thanked him for his advice. He then sunk out back to his room and fell into bed, waiting for the cycle to start over again.

Perhaps he had known all along what he would have to do to end this, and Virgil had given him the final shove.

Either way, he so was ready for it to be over.

________________________________

On the final loop, Patton decided to follow Virgil’s advice.

He goes back to acting as normal-- eating breakfast, getting the call, rising up, reminding them about the wedding-- and this time he doesn’t do anything especially different.

Unlike his previous attempts where he tried to change his tune, tried to see through every possibility, tried to stop arguments before they started; he instead tries to do everything the same way the original debate had gone, to be the best of his memory.

He didn’t falter when he said things he now knew to be insensitive, he didn’t hold back on disagreeing with the others, or insert himself into problems that weren’t his to help with yet. He watched as the cracks formed between each side, watched the gavel swing down, watched every other side sink out after shooing Janus away.

And he knew it would be just fine.

He looked into Thomas’ eyes and felt nothing but pride. Just like the real thing, this one looked uncertain, but was briefly relieved by the conclusion they came to, putting his trust in Patton as he reassured him in his decision. He knew that by choosing this route he was accepting the heartbreak that would come later, but he accepted that. He understood now that hiding in fantasies of getting everything perfect was counterproductive and unrealistic. He knew it was time to go back.

As he sunk out to his room for the final time, he realized that if this exercise taught him anything, it was that above making the right choices, above having the right things to say to fix everyone’s problems, all he needed, all along…

Was patience.

________________________________

Patton opened his eyes to the sight of dim spotlights overhead. With a loud dad grunt he was glad no one else was around to hear, he rolled over to sit on the edge of the stage, looking out to the seat in the crowd he had once been impersonated at.

He took in the room once last time before the lights continued to dim, which he instinctually knew to be the mind’s way of telling him to leave. He was ready for it; so he did.

Hopping off of the stage, he walked between the aisles towards the exit, pushing the doors open to be greeted with the familiar space of the mindscape. He stood there for a second, letting his eyes adjust from the darkness of the theatre as his memory slowly returned to him-- compressing the months he had just gone through until he could remember why he had come here in the first place.

“So.” He heard a familiar voice come from next to him as he regained his bearings. “Are you satisfied with what you found?”

“...Yeah.” Patton said softly, turning to smile at the figure.

“And?”

“I didn’t need to change anything in the end.”

There was a sharp exhale, barely a scoff. “Well, I could’ve told you that, and it would’ve saved you a lot of hassle.”

“You could have.” Patton agreed. “...But it was helpful seeing all the way things could have been different, too.”

His eyes fell to the ground, recalling the different outcomes that were wildly different and much much worse than their current situation. It made him grateful for the way everything had turned out-- imperfect but not broken-- and made everything seem so much less bleak than how he first thought it to be. When he was so lost that he had chosen to relive that day for the sake of getting peace.

“Oh? And what exactly happened in there?”

“A lot. One time I stole your hat. You got so mad that you started hissing.” Patton’s smile widened at one of the better memories, even more so when his friend grumbled.

“Wow. I’m so glad the hour I spent out here waiting was used productively.” Janus sighed, pulling his hat down subconsciously. “...I am glad that it helped, though.”

“I am too.” Patton hummed. “Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

Janus finally returned his smile and Patton brightened up. They weren't yet confident that they could fix everything that had happened between the sides, they didn’t even know if it was possible for them to do so alone, but they were at least willing to take that step forward and offer a helping hand.

And that's all that matters, right? No matter how many times they were let down or faced an obstacle, they just kept getting up to try to be better. It didn't matter if things weren't alright again right away; sometimes earning forgiveness meant trusting the other person to come back to you eventually. Waiting for that opportunity to glue back the pieces together.

And if Patton was certain about anything, it was that he was more than prepared to wait.

________________________________

Tags: @nasatshirts @quinnthequeer @mayflowers07 @overlad-of-the-snakes @varthandi @foxxsong @omnicrex @nadiestar @mistythegirlfluxmess @greenninjagal-blog @hit-or-mish @slytherin-halfblood @i-need-a-life-8903 @lemonlinelights @logicaemetus @bluestarfan10 @marshmallow-fluffy @enby-phoenix @arrestjellyfish @its-the-usda-certified-trashman @impatentpending @killjoy-3000 @nonasficcollection @mhep24601 @atomic-cat-dragon @puffydove @qrowdraws-notforyouthough @randommuffinyt @bubblycricket @theactual-devil @viana-dascolli @modsnow

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

Safety Net Fanfic

Title: Safety Net

Summary: After the events of the video, the last thing Roman wants is to speak with Patton. So he goes to the one place Patton wouldn’t think to look for him.

Pairings: platonic prinxiety

Word-Count: 964

Warnings: Anger, Crying, Panic, Angst With Some Comfort, Spoilers for SvS Redux

I feel like I should put out a disclaimer that I do love Patton and so does Roman and they will almost certainly reconcile (just not in this fic), but have you ever been so mad with somebody you just don’t want to see their face until you calm down? This is Roman in this fic. 

-

Roman takes a quivering, heaving breath. He grips the cream satin bed sheets of his bed, twisting and tightening the fabric into knots. His heart hammers away, a molotov cocktail of emotions burning through his gut. He cannot pin down a singular emotion. Anger, devastation, frustration, sadness, grief, humiliation--the list goes on, like in a cartoon when a character unfurls a paper and it fills the whole room, out the door and never stops.

Normally, in this state, he sets off to the Imagination. He loses himself in an adventure, slaying giants and rescuing royals to get back a feeling of good. He cannot do that today. Not after this particular discussion. He tries wrapping his brain around the semantics--is it good for him to want to create scenarios that place his fictitious kingdom at stake so he can feel good saving them? Or does that make him a bad side?

The bed sheets slips from his fingers as he grasps his pounding head, gasping. His chest stings as if someone stabbed it with a white-hot poker. He curls into himself, like a hermit crab trying to protect itself without a shell. His outfit is going to wrinkle. He cannot bring himself to care about that. 

He lays there, motionless, until there’s a knock on his door. It’s soft and tentative but it might as well be a loud clanging bell of a cathedral. Roman jolts upright like it is, his hand moving to hold onto an invisible sword that is not there at his side. 

“Roman? Can we...can we talk?” Patton.

Roman’s lips warp into a mockery of a smile. Hadn’t they done enough talking today? He can’t imagine doing more will do any good, and he’s Creativity. His whole purpose is to be imaginative. 

 Before he voices any of this, the door starts to open. Roman jumps off the bed, his heart-rate rocketing. One emotion pushes its way to the front; rage. It pulses through him, radiating his entire being. His whole body trembles. He does not want to be coddled with soft words and touches. He wants to hold onto this anger alone and scream until his voice gives out on him.

He doesn’t stay long enough to catch a glimpse of Patton. He teleports going somewhere, anywhere, that Patton wouldn’t think to look for him. It’s dark where he pops up. This freaks him out, his eyes stinging as they readjust. He stumbles around, tripping on something. He crashes hard onto the floor. He takes a breath and then promptly wails.

It isn’t quite the fall that causes this. It’s the darkness he’s in that intensifies the emotions already present. His concealer is ruined. Just like his pride and everything he fought so hard for. It’s been torn to pieces like Cinderella's stepsisters ruining her dress.

A shadow stirs in the distance. A murky outline that might be a person and might also be a monster. He swears their eyes glow, but it might just be because of his watery tear-filled vision.

“Roman?” A voice asks. The shadow seems to tilt their head, as if confused by his presence. 

He doesn’t respond. Not unless you count a warbling cry and a slight half-jerk of the head. He hopes the shadow will go away and torment someone else. Perhaps if he ignores it and turns his head away, it will.

“Wait, shit, Roman?!” Within a blink the shadow is at his side, “Roman, what the hell, you need to get out of here.”

The shadow, of course, isn’t just a shadow; it’s Virgil. Up close, he looks much worse for wear than Roman himself. A disheveled rat’s nest of a hair, sunken red-tinted eyes, charcoal black panic clinging heavily to his frame. He holds onto Roman, as if preparing a sink-out.

Roman knocks him back, scrambling away until he hits a wall. He heaves, his eyes darting around for any potential escape route. He doesn’t want to leave. This is the one place Patton wouldn’t dare to look for him. He refuses to leave.

Virgil looks at him, eyebrows raised. “Roman--”

“Please,” He begs, “let me stay, I swear on--on my honor I won’t mess with your stuff, why you won’t even know I am here!”

“Why?”

“W-what?” Roman splutters.

“Why do you want to stay?” Virgil asks softly, “My room--it’s hurting you Roman, you know that.”

Roman lets out a laugh. Harsh and blinding like a sunset’s glare on a windshield. It certainly feels like he’s the sun; burning and bubbling with heat, ready to one day explode and cease all life around him forever.

He tries opening his mouth to explain, but it comes out all jumbled. “I--the wedding--Patton--Janus--”

“Wait, Janus?” Virgil asks, his gaze darkening.

Roman nods miserably. Pathetic, he cannot even voice his own fears to the embodiment of Thomas’ fears. How he fears Deceit--Janus is lying again. Tricking Thomas and Patton just like he’d tricked him at the courtroom. How he fears he’s inadequate, unable to achieve the wants and desires of Thomas’ heart. How he fears Thomas never meant any of his praise, that he wasn’t ever truly his host’s hero. That above all else, he’s terrified because he’s lost and confused, on a tightrope with no safety net.

Strong arms latch onto him, pulling him away from the wall. He cannot find the strength to fight against it. Rather, he falls into them, weeping. The arms encircle him, acting as a protective shield from the world.

“Roman, I’m here.” Virgil whispers. 

There’s a weight to those three simple words. A meaning. As much he’d like for the anxious broody side to have been there earlier, he is here now. And he is probably not letting go of Roman for a long, long time.

[teataearts]

Someone gets hurt - Sanders Sides Fic

Okay so I’ve been trying to think of a Mini fic to  accompany the art I did for Pride!Roman. So here it is and it’s based off of Someone gets hurt Reprise.

Tw: swearing, Angst all the way, Roman being in hysterics and not that kind to Janus.   Pairing: Implied past Roceit

So let’s imagine Roman and Janus being on okay terms pre-trial episode. The two would re-enact musical and plays or go on adventures in the imagination, (basically go out on dates, not that either would admit that now) without the other lightsides knowing. Roman, at some point, wanted Janus to get the attention he deserved and helped think of ways to help him get that without any of the other sides (mostly Virgil) getting too agitated by Janus’s presence. Him and Remus (the twins have a love hate relationship most of the time) suggested to just keep pretending as other sides until an opportunity comes up.

The trial episode happens and with everyone telling Roman that Janus is bad and he was bad for even trying to side with him, Roman’s view on Janus changes as he was also manipulated into choosing between the wedding and Thomas’s dreams. Before Roman could even work out a way to apologize to Janus for not choosing something great for Thomas, he was betrayed by him. When Janus essentially releases Remus onto the others abruptly and harm Thomas’s mental health was the final straw for Roman’s adoration and trust of Janus.

After SvS redux, Janus sinks down to tell Remus the great news of him being accepted and also wanted the side to help him make amends with Roman. He finds Remus trying to comfort a hysterical Roman and sees Roman’s outfit begin to change into a darker version of it. Panicked, he runs to them and tries his hardest to help Roman as he is self preservation, but is pushed away hard by Roman. Roman just laughs hysterically at his shocked reaction. Remus is just looking and watching the scene and Janus with pity and anger.

“Oh, look isn’t it the newest lightside?!” Roman cries out in faux happiness.

“Roman please- You’re fall-“ Janus tries but Roman just laughs.

“So what if I fall? You don’t care you never did! So tell me how’s being accepted feel? Is it everything you ever dreamed it feel? Crushing the competition to get there and making every side see you’re the good one? Have them love you when really they’ll always hate you?” Roman giggled insanely.

Janus snaps back, “You also wanted me to be accepted! What happened to that?! Hell, You and Re wanted me to pretend to be a lightside-“

Remus interrupts this time, “Snakey, that’s not pretend! You’re as lightside as they come! You think you’re always in the right like Patton, and you think that the rest of us are dumb like Logan! Worst of all, you left me in the dark like Virgil did to us.” He says, feeling betrayed.

Janus looks at him with shame but then sees that his outfit is also changing to a light grey and looks at back at Roman to see Roman’s outfit is now completely black, “Please, you two don’t understand- Roman’s becoming-“

Roman lifts him by his collar and slams him up against a wall, “This is all your fault! This is how Thomas sees me now! So I might as well just let go of my role as creativity and become a villain right? After all I do need an ego boost after being torn down so much, right? Maybe a little Ṕ̥̺̯̭̮͕͕̰͟R̶͖̣̗̯̘̗̘̳̕I̸̡̱̙͟D̴̗̯E̵̱̦͖̘ ẃ͖̥͕͎͜o̶̸̯͕u̵͍̯l̳̼͕̘̬͕̟̦͞d̩͈͝͡ͅn̷͙͍͉̖͎̰͓͡'̫̫̻͍̕t͔́͝ ̼͇͖̹̗̫h̵͘҉̞̲u̧̡̫̹r҉҉͔̙͔̞͡t̢̠̳͉̻̯͎̤ͅ!”  Roman yells, voice distorting, before crying out in pain clutching his head in pain and backing off.

Janus reaching out to help but is intercepted by Remus, “You know, I hate Roman’s guts most of the time. But you don’t seem to comprehend that you cut into him and gutted him like a fish and left him to rot to get what you wanted Jay. You knew well what the others put him through and yet you did the exact same and even poked at his insecurities because he made fun of your name. You went so far to break his heart.” He snarled.

“Remus please, let me help him.” Janus cries out.

“Ya know Janny~” Roman said suddenly in a sing song voice, no longer in pain, “I used to get upset at the others for ignoring me at times but they proved they cared about me, and at least-“he choked a bit, “At least they had the decency, to not pretend love me!” He yelled and looked up with his now golden eyes.

Janus flinched and his eyes softened at the accusation, desperate to fix what he broke, “Ro, dear-“ He whispered.

Roman shook his head angrily, “No, it’s fine! Really fine! Go be a lightside!” Roman yelled before sinking out of Remus’s room.

Janus fell to his knees as Remus’s room began to change to incorporate more than just disgusting and terrible things. He looked at the remaining side and was met with a pitied stare.

“Really fucked up this one, Jay. When you said you wanted to be heard and for a little payback at Roman, I didn’t think you meant to go as far as to change Thomas’s view on him. Calling me and him fucking evil? How scandalous of you.” Remus said.

“I didn’t mean to I swear! I just-“ Janus whimpered before cutting himself off with a sob.

“I think it’s best if you leave, you have to explain how the prince has finally been pushed off the deep end and left to drown and be eaten by piranhas and sharks.” Remus sighed, turning his back to the sobbing side.

“And Janus? I’m pretty sure Roman wants that ring back.” Remus said before forcing Janus out of his room.

Janus is found by Patton on the floor of the common room, sobbing and apologizing to no one. He tried to calm the other down but Janus just starts to break even more at the sight of the lightside. Patton is forced to get Logan and Virgil to help try to calm him down. When he’s calmed, and explains what happened, the others are consumed with guilt and don’t fair better than he did at the news. Virgil starts to think of all the times the insults he never got in trouble for while Roman got scolded every time he clapped back and is on the verge of a panic attack, Logan thinks about how he always took away time for Roman help Thomas and bites his lips to prevent any emotions from showing, and the worse is Patton, who starts to sob and question why they had treated Roman so poorly and blame himself. 

Not only have they lost someone dear to them, the same side is now filled with hatred and became what he never wanted to be, the bad guy.

[alchemist-shizun]

Maybe

Read on Ao3!

Ts general taglist: @whizzie72 @sapphire-knight @uhhh-ruh-roh-raggy @softanxiouspatton @royallyanxious @kim-argent-moon @lance-alt @suffering-is-my-comfort-zone @sometimeswritingsometimesdying @pushussmollworld @mylifeisadeceit @spooky-scary-virgil @angstyfanfiction @artissijam @logicalberry @pistachio-lan @roses-bubbles @princessnoodlebug @wolfie979-sideblog @gigitheimposter @murder-schmurder @punsandpodcasts @star-crossed-shipper @are-you-even--real (tell me if you want to be added or removed)

Word Count: 2,377

Characters: Roman, Virgil

Pairing(s): platonic Prinxiety (can be viewed as pre-romantic if that's your thing)

Warning(s): Self-deprecation, crying, angst, self-loathing, general emotional negativity, mild panic attack

Summary: Roman is clearly not okay. How about a song? Maybe three?

A/N: This was meant to be only a vent fic but I'm actually making it part of a series related to the events of SvS redux where Janus, Roman and Remus all visit Virgil's room for different reasons at different times. This is post-SvS redux, the prequel with Janus has already been posted. Yes, another one of those where Roman seeks comfort to Virgil. Enjoy! (All song lyrics borrowed from Virgil's playlist)

✾

Hell no.

Roman sank up in the all too familiar corridor, marching it down with heavy steps that would have formed holes on the floor if they had been just a little more massive.

The prickling in his eyes didn't matter, as the trembling of his hands counted more.

His eyes darted from a door to another as if he'd forgotten how they had been placed, ignoring his own in favour of probably the only person who would've lent him a chance to speak in that moment.

A knock then another and he was met with an uncharacteristically smiling face cornered by the trademark patchwork hoodie.

The smile faltered as Virgil processed Roman's expression.

« What did we say about repression and bottling up emotions? » that was an unusual conversation starter.

Something went definitely wrong.

« That it's … bad? It's bad. » Virgil had never been as good with words as Logan, but he could get to the point nonetheless.

« Right. So, » Roman's body seemed to be moving at light speed, mirroring how rapidly his mind was racing, how quickly he could respond. « You'll agree with me that, to prevent that, one must turn to someone else, maybe someone capable of understanding what might be going wrong. »

« A good point, I guess. »

« Indeed. Therefore if I just- » he pushed past Virgil and entered the room, quick and short steps reached the centre of it while Roman's arms opened wide as he turned back to look at Anxiety. « If I just- » his tone higher, the need to get everything out even stronger, his voice cracked and on the verge of shattering.

Virgil's concern rose, he slowly shut the door as he followed Roman's pacing with slightly wider eyes.

« If I just fucking lose it. For once. I don't know what to do anymore! Anything I do, I say anything goes wrong. I'm wrong! I'm never- » he recollected some breath, face now wet with tears. « What am I supposed to do anymore? »

Virgil mirrored everything that was opposite of Roman: mild breathing, soothing pacing, moving slowly around the room not to strengthen the other's panic.

Roman was now leaning against furniture, so Virgil reached the office chair and pulled it towards them, sitting with his chest against the back of the seat.

He looked up at Roman, careful. « What makes you say that? »

Virgil knew that type of attitude, the way your brain has a breakdown after way too many contradictions, way too many reloads and discrepancies.

It was already too late, Roman's mind went through the scenes again, which made him sob and cry even more while hearing everything they'd told him that day and before. He fell down and his face was buried in his hands.

Virgil slowly got up, careful not to make startling sounds, and reached the other, sitting next to him, but still giving him space. He tried to maintain his own tranquility so Roman wouldn't have to be around further distressing energy.

He started off with a barely audible tune which transformed into words. « As I walk through the streets of my new city, my back feeling much better, I suppose I've reclaimed the use of my imagination. For better or for worse, I've yet to know. » he tentatively put a hand on Roman's back, paying attention to his reaction and trying to console him when he noticed it didn't bother him.

« But I always knew you'd be the one to understand me, I guess that's why it took so long to get things right. » Virgil let a small smile creep on his face, remembering how much they used to bicker in the past, even though it hurt most times. « Suddenly I'm lost on my street, on my block. Oh why, oh why- »

Roman finally joined his singing, feeling the words fit him so much to let him vent that way. « Oh why haven't you been there for me? Can't you see, I'm losing my mind this time? This time I think it's for real, I can see … »

« All the tree tops turning red. The beggars near bodegas grin at me, I think they want something. I close my eyes, I tell myself to breathe. » their tone was much softer than the original song. Virgil had taken a small pause to breathe for real. « And be … calm. Be calm. » he turned to directly look at Roman. « I know you feel like you are breaking down. Oh I know that it gets so hard sometimes. » he watched as Roman tried to progressively stop crying. « Be calm. »

« Take it from me, I've been there a thousand times. » Virgil continued, softer than in the original song. « You hate your pulse because it still thinks you're alive. And everything's wrong, it just gets so hard sometimes. Be calm. »

He heard the other's breathing ease. It was working, so Virgil kept singing to make him comfortable.

« Hey. Don't write yourself off yet. It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on. Just try your best, try everything you can. » he was looking ahead of himself, but he was sure Roman was listening. « And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away. »

Roman still had his head buried in his knees, so he slightly looked up at turned to the side.

« It just takes some time, little girl, you're in the middle of the ride, everything, everything will be just fine. Everything, everything will be all right. »

Virgil was resting his arm around Roman's shoulder now, finding him much more relaxed.

« Live right now, just be yourself. It doesn't matter if that's good enough for someone else. » he sang quietly.

Roman moved an arm and suddenly Anxiety's room changed and they were sitting against a tree at night up on a hill, while they watched the silent city in the distance with its flickering lights that matched the stars.

The wind was howling so nicely that it simply turned into a gentle breeze, tickling their skin with a touch of coldness.

Virgil resonated that it could have been a safe space for Roman, so he kept singing until the other felt ready to talk or didn't need anymore reassurance.

« Tell me that you're alright, that everything is alright. »

He still had his arm around the other's shoulders.

« Please tell me that you're alright, that everything is alright. »

As he sang, he moved his hand and ran it through Roman's hair instead.

« I'm sick of the things I do when I'm nervous like cleaning the oven or checking my tires. »

Roman joined him for real this time. « Or counting the number of tiles in the ceiling ... »

« Head for the hills, the kitchen's on fire. »

Creativity let a tiny smile on his face, so Virgil carried on with confidence. « I used to rely on self-medication, I guess I still do that from time to time. But I'm getting better at fighting the future. Someday you'll be fine. »

« Yes, I'll be just fine. » Roman got closer to the other, resting his head on Virgil's shoulder for more comfort.

They started singing the chorus together and ended up in a giggling mess, but when it all died down, Roman sighed heavily and the illusion fell, taking them back to Virgil's room.

There was a beat of silence.

« In the courtroom. Remember how every single one of you kept going against me for wanting to hear that snake out? »

Anxiety nodded. There was no lie in that, but the premise already told him where that was going.

« So I made up my mind, right? I listened to all of your reasoning, I did my best to understand, to put my pride and dreams aside to please you. I tried to convince myself that it was the best for Thomas when my guts kept telling me how wrong I was. »

Roman watched the other tilt his head without losing focus.

« I brushed aside my dread during the wedding day. I changed my mind on everything I was settled on during that day. Only for what? Seeing everybody doing a big U-turn and leaving me in my own confusion. »

« A u-turn? » Virgil raised an eyebrow, clearly unaware of the events that had just occurred.

« Magically now both Patton and Thomas, and I suppose also Logan, are in favour of that slimy guy's ideals. Now. Only now that everything is all gone and lost already. Now that I can't go back in time, now that it's too late for anything! »

He had thought he was done with tears. « So it ended up my longing for the callback was a better choice and I wasn't being selfish? What do I even do with it? It's as useful as a get well soon card for when you get an indelible scar. »

« They sided with Deceit? » Virgil wasn't quite sure he had heard correctly.

Though … his conversation with him earlier …

« Blindly, almost with no opposition. And I can't believe any direction I follow, everybody turns around and leaves me walking by myself. » Roman curled up on himself more, arms around his chest. « Alone in the wrong spotlight. » he mumbled, side eyeing the drawer next to him.

Virgil fidgeted with the hem of his hoodie, considering the ever too familiar situation.

He extended an arm towards him, uncharacteristically determined. « Come here. »

A pair of eyes looked up at Virgil unsure, only to accept his help and end up sitting on the bed, opposite to him.

« I know how it feels. Deep confusion, you don't know what's right or wrong anymore and you feel like anywhere you go, you'll crash into a wall and someone will end up hurt. You, most likely. »

Virgil refrained from making eye-contact.

« And it hurts, it hurts like hell cause the ones that are going against you are the ones you love and that you believe that love you as well. That's where the doubts start and then you spiral. »

Roman found his reasoning so accurate it hit him like a sharp sudden pain in his heart.

« But you know what? »

He raised his head.

« I'm glad you didn't bottle it up this time. Because if you did … I don't know, I'm just happy you haven't fought with anyone. »

That was when he raised an eyebrow: he heard Virgil's voice shift towards the end, in a sort of understood thing, an unspoken truth Virgil didn't want to uncover.

Maybe they really were alike under all those layers of sarcasm.

« And that- that wouldn't have been nice at all. » Roman had also noticed how the conversation was stalling on that particular, as if the other weren't able to move on from that topic and now his mind was clouded by that argument only.

« You … » Roman encouraged the best he could. « Well, yeah. It's pretty obvious you had a fight with them. Right? »

Virgil shook his head to brush off the topic. « Gosh, I'm sorry. I was trying to help you and yet I made my own issues surface. »

« It's okay, we're all a bit broken. » Roman tentatively stretched his arm and put a hand on his back.

The other turned to him and showed a small smile. « See, that's what I admire of you. Even while distressed you still try to sympathize with others. » there was a pause. « I would probably yell at everyone like when someone insists on talking before an hour of being awake. »

Neither of them could escape laughter, a little heartfelt moment in a dark alley.

« Back to you, anyway. » Virgil waved his hand as if to physically brush the topic away. « I believe the reason why this mess has happened is because everyone's pretty confused. We've been touching a complicated ground and it's only logical we make mistakes. »

« The thing is, Roman, you care a lot about Thomas and it shows. You want to make sure he's going to be happy about the kind of life he pursues. » he looked him in the eyes. « You're not doing anything wrong. Rather, you're doing your best. »

Roman bit his lip and he nodded, his eyes sliding down to the floor.

« In the long run, I'm sure it's gonna be fine. And if Thomas will ever end up in the bad zone, we'll find a way to get him out of here, okay? »

Creativity exhaled deeply and felt the tangle in his stomach slowly dissipate.

« Thank you, Virgil. »

Anxiety relaxed as he watched Roman's features soften. « Don't mention it. »

Roman stood up, brushing his hands on his face like he had been washing it with imaginary water.

« I guess I'll try and let off some steam in the Imagination. » he made to head for the door, when he stopped dead in his tracks.

« Fuck. »

Virgil's heart sunk, expecting further complexes. « What's wrong? »

« I forgot to ask if you were stable enough to endure a vent moment. »

But then, of course, another smile made its way on his face. « Nah, I had been playing stupid video games until ten minutes ago. Don't worry big guy, go fight the dragon witch. »

Roman huffed as he crossed the hallway again. « I've defeated her eons ago, let me live it down! »

Snickering accompanied the echo of his voice and Virgil's smile only faltered some seconds after.

Yeah, maybe they were all a little bit broken. Maybe he was still holding grudges he thought he didn't care about anymore.

But, then again, maybe everything was going to be alright either way.

[rosesisupposes]

with a door between them

this is one part projection/comfort, two parts fix-it

Set right after SVS Pt 2: Putting Others First

read on ao3

characters: Roman, Janus (Remus is mentioned but not present)

pairings: no romantic; platonic roceit

content tags: dialogue-heavy fic; self-doubt; crisis of self-worth; arguing; Roman-centric hurt/comfort; apologies; fix-it fic

reader tags: @royally-anxious @jemthebookworm @arandompasserby  @sparkly-rainbow-salt @astral-eclipse​ @thelowlysatsuma @adorably-angsty @max-is-tired @almostoveranalyzed @potestessemagishomosexualitatis  @mariniacipher @vintage-squid

word count: 1,619

⁂

Janus fidgets with his gloves, staring at the gilded door in front of him. He takes a breath, and knocks.

“Yes?”

“May I come in?”

“Are you sure you didn’t mean to go to Remus’ door instead, I know you get us confused!”

“Roman, I just want to talk.”

“Thanks but no thanks, I’ve had enough lectures for one day!”

“I’m not here to lecture you-”

“I don’t care. Go away.”

“Roman, please, just listen-”

Instead of a reply, Janus hears the orchestral sounds that mean Roman’s opened up a portal to the Imagination.

With a sigh, Janus pushing open the bedroom door to see the portal starting to close. He snaps, and it freezes just long enough for him to follow the Prince into his realm.

A grand castle, shimmering in polished marble and gilded roofs, stands before him. A flicker of a familiar red sash pulls his attention to the highest tower. He makes his way through the corridors and staircases until he finds the heavy oak door to the tower room.

“Roman, listen, please, just for a moment-”

“Oh my god, do you have to just slither in everywhere? Is it not enough to just fucking bask in your newfound acceptance and everyone agreeing with you? You’ve just gotta rub it in how wrong I always am?!”

“No, I just really need-”

“The only thing you need to get lost. There’s a whole magical forest just south of here, why don’t you try it. Better yet, get out of the kingdom.”

“I’m not leaving. I need to talk to you.”

“Too bad, this castle is enchanted so that no one can lie, guess you’ll have nothing to say.”

“That’s rather harsh.”

“Yeah, well,” Roman says with a bitter laugh. “That’s all I’m good for now. Just fuck off and let me wallow, will you?”

“I have something you need to hear.”

“Too bad.”

Janus sighs, and sinks against the wall, sitting on the tower landing. He glances at the heavy door, and settles in to wait.

Long moments pass in silence, before Janus hears a huff on the other side of the door. “You’re still there, aren’t you.”

“I am.”

“Ugh.”

Janus hears footsteps, retreating and returning. Roman must be pacing on the other side of the door. Janus just waits.

“Shouldn’t you and Patton be busy planning your wedding by now?” Roman grumbles.

“And break my confirmed bachelorhood?”

“Ugh!”

More footsteps, stomping across the stone floor and back.

“Does Virgil know what happened yet?”

“I assume so.”

“He hasn’t said anything to you yet?”

“I haven’t exactly gone out of my way to let him hiss at me more.”

“Of course you haven’t.”

Stomp-stomp-stomp.

“Why are you just sitting there!!! Don’t you have anything better to do than annoy me?”

“I told you, it’s important that I talk to you.”

“And I told you, I don’t want to hear it!”

“I know.”

“So why won’t you just leave?”

“Because it’s important.”

“UGH!”

The steps shuffle and stop. Something thuds against the door, followed by the sound of cloth sliding against wood. Janus shifts until he’s leaning against the door from the outside.

“I don’t see what could possibly be so important that only you could tell me,” Roman grumbles.

“Who would you have preferred in my stead?”

“Anyone but my brother. Actually, scratch that, I’d rather have Remus.”

Janus smirks, knowing Roman can’t see him. “What’s the saying? Blood is thicker than water?”

Roman snorts. “You’re not water. Unless you’ve secretly been Jesus this whole time and you keep miracle-ing it into wine.”

“Alas, no, my secret is out, how ever will I recover.”

Roman huffs out laughter, then groans. “No, stop that. No making me laugh when I’m mad at you. Fuck off. Go away.”

“Sorry, no can do. Not until you let me tell you what I came to say.”

“Lalalalala, I can’t hear you! Hm, wonder if the snake is talking? I don’t know, I can’t hear anything. Lalalala blah blah blah blah bubba gump shrimp!”

Janus waits as Roman continues to ramble, fiddling with his cape chain until the stream of words lessens to a trickle.

“I don’t think either of you is the “evil” twin, you know,” Janus says as Roman finally lapses into silence.

“What?”

“You and Remus. I don’t think either of you are evil. Evil implies some inherent level of ill will.”

“Okay but- wait, what? Is this what you came to say? Is this the big thing that couldn’t wait?”

“No, but- earlier. I’m quite fond of Remus. He’s chaotic, but not malicious . I don’t think comparing someone to him is necessarily an insult.”

Roman grunts.

“I know you don’t like the comparison, because being separate from him is important to you. But I- that’s what I wanted to say. To ask. Why do you think it’s such a sensitive issue for you?”

“You do remember how we ended up as two sides in the first place, correct?” For a moment, Roman’s voice is a dry as Janus at his most sarcastic.

“Yes, but- you’re still Creativity. Being similar to him won’t change that.”

“The mindscape named us for a reason, snakeface. I’m the Prince, not the Duke.”

“Prince William is technically a Duke-”

“Yeah, like technicalities matter in the subconscious!”

“Then what’s the big difference that overcomes the technicalities?”

“Has Thomas ever, ever, read a story where the Duke is the hero?”

Janus leans his head all the way back against the door. There’s an edge in Roman’s voice, a warning note that says don’t keep pushing. But Janus can’t let that stop him, not when they’re both so close.

“Why does being his hero matter so much?”

“It’s what I’m supposed to be!”

“So?”

“So without it, I don’t have a purpose!”

“Roman-“

Roman’s voice is speeding up, no longer talking to Janus, just himself. “No purpose means I’m useless, and useless means I’m not needed, and not needed means-“

Janus waits.

Roman’s voice breaks “If he doesn’t need me, Thomas won’t keep putting up with me.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Oh please, like you of all people don’t know.” Roman snaps, voice strained with the effort to not cry. “I might have only one brain cell but at least it still knows what I’m like. I’m extra. I’m over the top. How many times have I pulled us all into dumbassery because I didn’t pause or hesitate and just charged in? I have no impulse control, even when I really should. Like when someone trusts us with personal information that took a lot to share and I just- laugh.”

Janus grimaces. “Your reaction being inappropriate didn’t justify mine. I knew how hurtful my words would be. Like you, I didn’t control the impulse. But my slip was worse. And I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

“But you’re not escaping talking about this. Thomas won’t ‘keep putting up with’ you? Roman, he loves you. You’re important to him, without being ‘of use.’”

Roman grunts. 

“You don’t believe me.”

Confirming grunt. 

“You still think you have to be needed.”

A pause. “Mhm.”

“Roman, what’s my function. What do I do for Thomas?

“I- well, I know it’s more than just deceit.”

“That’s right. Lies are a means to an end. And the end is self-preservation.”

“You protect him.” Roman says quietly. “From running himself ragged just to meet others’ expectations. From the rest of us completely take over his energy, whether that’s creating endlessly, or learning everything, or sacrificing himself to be perfectly selfless.”

“That’s part of it, yeah. You want to know a secret?”

“What”

“I mess up too, Prince. Not just in lashing out at you. Sometimes the lies that are meant to be self-preserving backfire.”

“I- what?”

“Sometimes, I let us tell ourselves lies that protect our egos, or that let us avoid having to grapple with more painful questions and realities. I help us spin a narrative so strong that it doesn’t even feel like a lie anymore, just a fundamental truth. But eventually, even the strongest narratives get enough holes poked into them that they crumble.”

Janus shifts, leaning sideways against the door, and continues. “And the worst part is that even as they crumble, you can’t always tell that the foundations were fabrications in the first place. You just accept them as truth, and the crumbling as failure. You believe your doubts and worries are clear-eyed truth-tellers.”

“You?”

“All of you. Thomas, Patton, Virgil, everyone. But you, Roman, most recently.”

“Oh great, I’m lying to myself now too?”

“Yes, you are.”

“And how, pray tell, am I deluding myself today?”

Janus pauses, makes sure Roman’s listening, and says, “By saying Thomas has to ‘need’ you to love you. By telling yourself you need to 'earn' your place among us. By thinking we don’t treasure you regardless of your contributions.”

“What do you- I-”

“Roman, listen very closely, okay? You are worth it. You’re worth the ‘trouble.’ You’re worthy of our love, and our time, and our care. We want you around, and we’ll keep wanting you around. Full stop.”

Silence, only quiet breathing, and Janus finally cracks open the door. Roman’s sitting on the floor, back against the wall, tears flowing through the fingers hiding his face as his shoulders wrack with silent sobs. 

Janus scoots over until their shoulders touch. Without speaking, he runs a gloved hand gently through Roman’s hair, over and over, until Roman manages to speak.

“You really mean it?”

Janus turns just enough for Roman to see him as he removes the glove from his right hand. He lifts his bare hand, and waits until Roman meets his eyes to say quietly, “I promise.”

[shoot-i-messed-up]

Thomas Appreciating Logan (Alternative title: Earl Grey Tea)

A/N: I...I said I was gonna start another fanfic project and I ended up not writing any fics for like a whole two years. Cheers to this drabble.

Summary/Genre: Logan- and Thomas-centric. Platonic Logan Sanders and Character!Thomas. Romantic if you squint. Some angst at the beginning but mostly fluff of Thomas and Logan hanging out bc good lord do I need some fluff after that Roman angst video. Light hurt/comfort. Set after SvS Redux

TW: uhhh feeling like bad. Tell me if I need to add anything!!

Word Count: 1111 (lol)

The morning after Mary Lee and Lee left, Logan, resting in his room re-reading his favorite book, felt a tug on his hair and his clothes. He was being summoned.

It wasn’t really often he was being summoned, according to the experiment he collected the previous November. Patton was summoned 22 times (usually to help Thomas cook), Roman was summoned 16 times (usually to help with Thomas’s videos), Virgil was summoned 9 times (four of which was to have a Friday group marathon with Thomas and the rest of the sides and five of which were one-on-one time with Thomas), and Logan clocked in at a whopping 4 times. The exact 4 Friday movie marathons the rest of the sides also shared with Thomas.

Logan sighed softly. He tried not to think about it too much, else it somehow gains Thomas’s attention. And besides, it was illogical to think that Thomas would want to spend one-on-one time with him. Logan was, as Roman put it, a party pooper at his best and a mood killer at his worst.

But here he was, being summoned. And it was not Friday.

Logan sunk out of his room and rose up in Thomas’s bedroom with a whoosh. “What do you need, Thomas?”

Thomas fiddled with his sweater strings. “Heya Logan...how ya doing? After this whole...fiasco?”

Logan’s eyebrow quirked. “I’m quite alright, Thomas. You don’t need to ask me; I was not important this video.” At this statement, Thomas winced. “In fact, the more impertinent task would be asking Roman how he is doing. As far as I know, he left with his ego figuratively bruised.”

“Doesn’t he get literally bruised?” Thomas asked.

“No...” Logan tilted his head a little bit. “That’s when your ego is bruised, both literally and figuratively.” 

“Anyway, I figured Roman could use some time to cool down.”

“Why would Roman need to cool down? Unless he is in the Imagination, he shouldn’t have a different body temperature than yours, Thomas.” It dawned on Logan that it was another expression that he misinterpreted, so Logan shook his head to figuratively clear it. “Why did you summon me here, Thomas? I know you wouldn’t simply summon me for an apology.” Thomas opened his mouth to say something, but Logan continued. “Do you need help editing the footage of the video perhaps?”

Thomas scoffed. “I don’t only summon you when I need help with something.”

Logan adjusted his glasses. “That is technically correct. According to the data I gathered in November of 2019, the only times you have summoned me were when we had Friday night movie marathons with the other sides.”

“That’s impossible…” Thomas’s voice became slightly higher pitched as he tried to remember the last time he summoned Logan for some one-on-one time.

“Well, if you don’t need me, I’ll take my leave.” Logan began to sink out until Thomas cried out.

“Wait!”

Logan rose up again and stared expectantly at Thomas.

Thomas bit his lip, and Logan couldn’t help but glance at. At a glance, the sides might seem identical to Thomas, but a closer look would make one notice Roman’s tanned skin and muscles, or Patton’s dad bod, or Virgil’s different colored eyes. They also had subtly different facial features. Logan, for example, had a sharper jaw and higher cheekbones. Logan was sharper, angular, awkward. Not like Virgil’s charmingly boyish awkwardness.

Thomas finally spoke, which brought Logan out of his thought. “We could...hang out right now if you want. Are you free? Of course, you’re free, you’re a part of me. I don’t know why I, uh, said that. Oh boy, is it getting hot in here?”

Logan softly smiled. “I would love that, Thomas. For the sake of clarity, will it just be us?”

“Just us,” Thomas confirmed.

Logan whispered, “yes!” Going back to his usual voice, Logan said, “what will we be doing?”

“Oh, I thought you would want to choose…”

Logan’s eyes sparkled with excitement, and Thomas felt himself smile giddily in response. “Would you like to play Monopoly with me?”

“Of course!”

Logan half-ran to find the Monopoly board as Thomas prepared some tea. He held a hand to his heart, which was light in a way that was...pleasant. “Huh.” In his kitchen, Thomas was struck by the fact that he didn’t even know how or even if Logan liked tea. By the time Thomas poured some steaming Earl Grey tea into two mugs, Logan had already set up the Monopoly board.

“I hope you like Earl Grey tea,” Thomas said in a light tone.

“Oh, I dislike the taste,” Logan said flatly as Thomas’s heart skipped a beat. “However, I appreciate you making tea for me in the first place, so I’ll drink it.”

“Oh, no, you don’t have to--” Thomas stammered.

“It’s rather like me, in a figurative sense of course. You might not enjoy my presence or what I represent--” 

“Logan…”

“--but I believe you appreciate my work regardless of me being a…party pooper.” 

“Logan… I don’t see you as just a party pooper,” Thomas said. Then Logan felt two very warm arms wrap around him. Thomas was hugging him. “I do appreciate you. You. I’m sorry I made you feel like that.”

Logan sunk into the hug. “Apology accepted, though I don’t think it was necessary…. So, which of us will have a turn first?”

…

“And did you know that Artemis had a lover despite being a virgin goddess?” Logan recounted as Thomas counted the Monopoly money out to give to Logan as a fine for landing on his property. “Oh! And on that note, I find it simply fascinating that Artemis contrasted so much with the previous Greek moon goddess, Selene. Especially since Selene’s most memorable myth was about her being figuratively head over heels for a man...” Logan cleared his throat and readjusted his tie in embarrassment. “Pardon me, I got carried away on a boring rant.”

“No, no, you don’t have to apologize!” Thomas laid a hand on Logan’s shoulder and smiled. At the beginning of the Monopoly game, they had been on opposite sides of the coffee table, but eventually, they wound up right next to each other. “I think it’s really cool.”

Logan paused, staring at Thomas. He knew, intellectually, that Thomas wasn’t lying, but… “You think it’s cool?”

“I think you’re cool!” Thomas booped Logan’s nose. “You little nerdy bean.”

Logan pinked and simply leaned his head on Thomas’s shoulder. “I...I think you’re cool too, Thomas. Also, I’m only two inches shorter than you.”

“Two inches is a lot, Lo.”

Silence.

“Lo, what’s wrong?”

“I ran out of tea.”

@max-is-tired

[5-falsehoods-phonated]

Bad Things Happen Bingo Masterlist

Card and Request Guidelines This will be updated periodically as requests are made and written. If you would like to be tagged for this series or for all fics, please let me know!

Death of a Bachelor  Prisoners set in an unfair game, Logan and Remus plan to both come out alive.

Knot A Prank  Patton tries pranking Remus in an effort to make him feel more welcome. It does not go as planned. (Happy ending)

The Letter  Janus finds a letter Remy wrote for him.

Across The Hall He Waits For You  Logan wakes up in a confusing environment with an even more confusing man keeping him prisoner. But just when he thinks he's finally free, he only becomes more trapped.

With Forceful Permission  Being repeatedly dismissed has Logan’s emotions finally boiling over, leaving Remus to try and scrape together the aftermath. (Happy Ending)

All Dolled Up  Fearing Roman’s newfound obsessions after the events of SvS Redux, Patton decides to break things off with him before they can get worse. If only he realized just how bad it could be.

My Sunshine Part 1 Part 2  Patton thinks he’s finally caught the break he needs when he finds and falls in love with Roman. Ignoring the warning signs until it’s too late Patton ends up losing more than he had dared to gain.

Experimental Socialization  Logan was raised by the government to be nothing more than an experiment and a weapon, utilizing his unique abilities as a mutant. When he finally escapes things are much different than he imagined they’d be but thankfully finds others like him willing to help guide him right where he needs to be.(Happy Ending)

To Cure the Inevitable  Roman is so tired of endangering himself and everyone around him everytime he changes. Logan promises to help cure him, an old agreement never straying far in his mind

The Perfect Manicure  Roman hasn't answered anyone's calls in a week. Patton wants to know why.

Hold Onto Me  Patton had just wanted to deliver lunch to his husband when he saw the emergency vehicles at the construction site. All he can hope for is that keeping ahold of his hand will be enough. (Happy Ending)

Faulty Logic  Remus is bored and no one’s seen Logan in a while. He’s probably just shut up in his room…right? (Happy Ending)

Rage Against the Machine (sequel to Faulty Logic)  The door at the end of the hall has been locked tight for some time now and things seemed to have finally calmed down. Truly, that's where their first concern should have been (Happy Ending)

Cold Hard Bitch  Janus is sick and Virgil is at a loss for what to do. Deciding he needs to brave the field that separates them from the others in the mindscape he finds out that things are definitely not always as they seem- sometimes for the worse. (Happy Ending)

[youre-on-a-starship]

Word Count: 2,700

Author’s Note: This is my first entry for @trekken81‘s Songfic Challenge! (For your purposes darlin’, this is my sideblog, I’m following you under @mlleecrivaine). I really dig this song, it’s been a pleasure writing to it. Enjoy my loves! Fair warning, this is not a reader insert fic.

EDIT: I have made some edits to the lyrics as per the advice of a very helpful Anon. I wasn’t sure how to deal with the content of the lyrics specifically as they aren’t mine, and you helped me figure that out. I appreciate the heads up!

If I ever do something else like this, please let me know, I want to learn and grow as a person and sometimes I have to make mistakes to learn.

---

I'm tryna put you in the worst mood, ah

P1 cleaner than your church shoes, ah

Milli point two just to hurt you, ah

All red Lamb’ just to tease you, ah

None of these toys on lease too, ah

Made your whole year in a week too, yah

Main bitch out your league too, ah

Side bitch out of your league too, ah

“Jim, where the hell are you going?” Bones called after his friend as the younger man bounced to the front door of the apartment with a wave.

“I’ve got plans,” Jim flipped around with a broad smile. “I’ll leave her in your capable hands, Bones,” Jim gestured at the room as he opened the door.

“When are you coming back?” Bones followed his friend out the door into the hall.

“I should be back tomorrow sometime,” Jim said with a wink.

“Wouldn’t you rather bring her back here? I can go somewhere else, if you want,” Bones jerked a thumb over his shoulder as he chased Jim down the hall to the turbolift.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jim clapped his friend on the shoulder as they paused to wait for the lift. “Go out, find yourself a girl of your own. Hell, go find two. Have a party.”

The door to the turbolift swished open and Jim backed into the small compartment. Bones stayed on the landing, watching.

“Jim, I swear to God, don’t do anything stupid.”

“Where would you get that idea?” Jim grinned devilishly at the doctor as the door swished shut. “Champagne’s in the fridge!”

Jim leaned back against the cool wall of the lift, letting his bag fall from his shoulder, the strap catching on his wrist leaving the knapsack dangling in midair. The world passed by out the window as he flew closer and closer to the ground before suddenly the world disappeared altogether as the lift came to a stop on the parking level.

Crossing the garage he rounded the corner and stepped up to his new, shining bike. He ran his hand along the crisp leather of the seat before slinging his leg over the vehicle. It nearly killed him to find a bike with wheels these days; the wheelless versions were more highly sought after.

He emerged into the bright light of the morning and took off at twice the speed limit to the exit for the freeway. The wind tore through his hair, a delightful change from the stillness of the air on his ship.

The landing pad unfolded to his left, a series of shuttles parked next to each other ready to ferry anybody anywhere. He peeled off the freeway and sidled up to the front gate before powering the bike off and handing the keys to an attendant.

“Take care of this for me, it’s new,” he smiled at the kid and placed his hand on the registry panel.

“Captain Kirk,” the man on the other side of the terminal looked brightly up at Jim. “Your shuttle is at the end of this row, Gate 8,” he gestured down the row of shuttles. “Do you have any other luggage that you need us to take care of?”

“No, I think I can handle this, thanks,” Jim waved at the man and made his way between the shuttles to the end of the row. The muscles in his thighs still stretched sorely with each step. He consulted a map when he got back to the Enterprise and realized that he and Bones had run the better part of two kilometers before leaping off the cliff. Considering they weren’t planning on running the whole distance, it was a miracle they both made it.

Jim hopped up the steps of the shuttle and stowed his backpack over his seat. Buckling himself in, he tilted his head back against the seat and waited for the shuttle to take off.

Every day a ***** try to test me, ah

Every day a ***** try to end me, ah

Pull off in that Roadster SV, ah

Pockets overweight, gettin' hefty, ah

Coming for the king, that's a far cry, ah

I come alive in the fall time, I

No competition, I don't really listen

I’m in the blue Mulsanne bumping New Edition

His childhood home looked so small in the midst of the vast Iowan countryside. A tiny black car sat out front. The garage no longer stood next to the house. That meant that the last of George’s vehicles were gone.

Jim walked up the driveway with one hand in his pocket and one on the strap of his backpack. As he got closer he saw the curtains move in the living room window.

Taking a deep breath, Jim watched the front door burst open and Frank come barreling out onto the front stoop.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” Frank hollered, shaking with rage on the step.

Jim glanced back to the living room window and saw his mom’s eye appear through the crack in the curtains.

“I’m here to see my mom,” Jim called.

“You’re not welcome here, get the hell off my property,” Frank shouted, lowering himself down a stair.

“This is my mom’s property, too, last I checked,” Jim looked squarely at Frank, trying to keep his posture casual even though the bottom of his stomach tied itself in a knot, remembering the impact he received the last time he and Frank spoke.

“I call the goddamn shots around here,” Frank jumped down the last few stairs and hurtled towards Jim with his fists clenched, “and I said: ‘Get the hell of my property.’”

“I want to talk to my mother,” Jim reiterated, holding himself stiffly as Frank stuck his face inches from Jim’s. Jim could see the spit strings between Frank’s teeth as the man kept yelling.

“You think just because you’re a fancy Captain now you can just waltz right in here? This is trespassing, dumbass, I’m gonna have you arrested if you don’t get off my property right this goddamn second -”

“I’d like to see you try,” Jim made the mistake of saying.

Frank’s fist connected with his gut quicker than he could register it coming. Jim doubled over, lowering his hand from his pack and clutching at his stomach, trying to yank his hand from his pocket to defend himself from the next swing which landed straight on his temple. Jim fell to his knees, his backpack falling from his shoulder onto the dusty ground.

“Stop!” Jim heard his mother’s voice through the rushing of blood in his ears. He looked up through blurred eyes as his mother’s hands appeared around Frank’s body, pulling the large man back from Jim.

“Mom…” Jim croaked.

“Jim, get the hell out of here, for God’s sake!” Winona looked down at him with wide, scared eyes. “Go, just go.”

Jim opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it. He put his palms on the driveway and pushed himself up, collecting his bag as Winona pushed Frank back into the house.

As the door shut, Jim turned his back and walked back down the driveway, slinging his bag over his shoulder and stuffing his hand back in his pocket.

Let a ***** Brad Pitt

Legend of the fall took the year like a bandit

Bought mama a crib and a brand new wagon

Now she hit the grocery shop looking lavish

Star Trek roof in that Wrath of Khan

Girls get loose when they hear this song

100 on the dash get me close to God

We don't pray for love, we just pray for cars

Jim looked down at the phone in his hand. Hell if he was leaving Iowa without letting his mom know why he came in the first place.

He flipped the phone open and selected her private line, the one he knew Frank didn’t know about. It went straight to voicemail, as he expected.

“Mom, it’s me,” he started after the tone. “Look, I know it was a bad idea to come by the house, but I wanted to see you. I didn’t see you at the ceremony, and I wanted to make sure you were alright.

“Anyway, um, I’ve got something for you,” Jim went on, “Dad wasn’t Captain long enough for you to know, but our salary’s pretty good. I’ve got an account open for you. I want you to have what’s in it. It’s not what you deserve, I don’t think even an Admiral could make that much, but it’s enough for you to… well. If you want to get out of there, you can.

“I’ve got a place in San Francisco now. I won’t be there often, but it’s nice. It’s a penthouse, can you imagine that?” he asked with a sad laugh. “If you want it, it’s yours. I have a car, too, and a bike.”

Jim touched his stomach gingerly, checking to keep tabs on the pain.

“I’m flying out of Riverside in three hours. If you want to meet up, call me. I’d love to see you before I go. I love you,” Jim pulled the phone away from his ear and ended the call. He tossed the device into the dust at his hip and curled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and letting his head fall back against the brick.

His phone rang next to him and he hastily picked up, brushing dust from the device before putting it to his head.

“Hello?”

“Jim?” it was his mom’s quiet voice, thick with tears.

“Mom, Mom are you okay?” Jim let his knees fall to the ground, sitting up straight and away from the wall.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she said. “Jim, why did you come back?”

“I wanted to give you -”

“That’s not a good reason, Jim,” Winona’s voice cracked on the other side. “You know how he feels about you, especially after you left.”

“I know it was a bad idea,” Jim said, looking down. “Did he hurt you?”

“Not really.”

“‘Not really’ or ‘No?’”

“Just don’t come back, Jim, please,” she pleaded.

“Mom…” Jim choked up, and he wiped roughly at his eyes. “Did you get my message?”

“I did,” she said. “I can’t just leave. You remember what he’s like.”

“I can have someone come to protect you. Frank’s… he’s just a goon, I can get someone from security, someone trained, to come take care of you, to keep an eye out for him -”

“Jim,” Winona said with a poor approximation of a laugh.

“Mom, please,” Jim pleaded, standing and starting to pace through the alley. “Come meet me.”

“I can’t leave now, Jim, he’s on a warpath,” Winona said softly. “He’s out back right now throwing things around, if he came back in and I was gone -”

“Then grab a few things and come,” Jim said, “I can take you back with me right now. I’ve got a place and everything -”

“I can’t, Jim, I can’t,” she breathed into the phone. “Look, maybe when he’s calmed down some. He’s been really good lately. Maybe when he’s calmed down, I can grab some things and I can come. But not now. Not when he’s so upset.”

“I don’t want him to hurt you again,” Jim whispered into the phone.

“I know, sweetie,” Winona breathed. “I promise you I want to leave. I do, really. I just want to do it quietly.”

Jim looked at the ground, stopping in his tracks. He listened to his mom breathe heavily on the other side of the phone.

“You know where to find the account. Just show them your ID and you’ll have full access to all of it. I put more in every time I get paid. It’s all yours. My place, too. I… I’m hoping that my crew can get this five-year mission they’re talking about. I might be off-planet for a really long time. It’s all yours. Everything I have,” Jim took a deep, rattling breath, “I made a will -”

“Stop,” Winona snapped. “Stop… I don’t want to hear about that.”

“You’re sure you won’t come to see me, anyway?” Jim looked up at the darkening sky. “I’m just down the road by the store.”

“I can’t, Jim,” Winona said. “I’ll let you know when I’m on my way.”

“I really hope it’s soon,” Jim whispered. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too, Jim. So much.”

The line went dead and Jim let his hand fall to his side.

House so empty, need a centerpiece

Twenty racks a table cut from ebony

Cut that ivory into skinny pieces

Then she clean it with her face man I love my baby

You talking money, need a hearing aid

You talking 'bout me, I don't see a shade

Switch up my style, I take any lane

I switch up my cup, I kill any pain

Look what you've done

I'm a motherfuckin' starboy

The San Francisco night oozed possibility. Jim knew his crew would be out having a good time on their first night back, first day of shore leave, and he knew he ought to be having a good one, too.

He took two more shots in quick succession, letting the warmth hit him hard and numb his limbs for a split second before the burn set in.

He growled at the sensation but it brought a small smile to his face.

As he opened his eyes, he looked across the bar at the woman watching him. She shot him a small smile and tipped her head to the side suggestively. Jim watched as her eyes shifted to the side for a moment and an identical woman slid into the chair next to her. They had a soft cascade of gills going down the sides of their necks, terminating at the plunging necks of their dresses.

Jim raised an eyebrow and slid out of his bar stool, sidling carefully around the bar, checking his pace with each step. He was wobbly, but he could manage. After the half bottle of rye he polished off, he needed something to cool him down.

“Ladies, this seat taken?” he gestured at the stool next to them.

“By all means, Captain,” the woman closest to him crooned.

“Oh please, call me Jim,” he grinned, feeling the anxiety in his stomach start to unwind. As long as he could keep himself occupied, his worries could wait another night.

“Jim,” the other woman said with a sultry pursing of her lips as she left her chair and nestled herself in next to him. “You look lonely over there.”

“You have no idea,” he drawled as he let a hand explore around her waist.

“We were wondering,” she exchanged a look with her counterpart, “Our sister’s having a party at our apartment and now we have nowhere to go.”

“I think I might be able to find you some alternate arrangements,” he grinned. “Now tell me, I feel like I’ve seen you before…”

The women giggled.

“First year navigation,” the seated woman said. “We formally met at Cranston’s Halloween party.”

“Right,” Jim said, bouncing a finger off the hip of the woman in his arm.

“We’d be very grateful for some help tonight,” the woman leaned down and murmured in Jim’s ear. “Those kinds of parties don’t really do it for us anymore.”

“I know the feeling,” Jim eased himself out of his chair and looped his arms over the ladies’ shoulders. “Please, right this way.”

--

When Jim flipped the lights on in his apartment he was shocked to find everything exactly where he’d left it, save for a folded slip of paper on the coffee table.

“We’re just going to go freshen up,” one of the women giggled. “Where’s your bathroom?”

“Just down from the kitchen,” he grinned, pointing.

As the women bounced off together down the hall, Jim picked up the note.

Please call me when you get back from wherever the hell it is you went. I’m worried about you. - Bones

Jim pressed his lips together and folded the note tightly. Padding to the kitchen, he opened the fridge and found the untouched champagne bottle in the door. He grabbed it and pulled three flutes from a cabinet overhead. Slowly, he stepped through the quiet apartment turning the lights on and settling in the bedroom.

Placing the note on the dresser under his phone, he dropped his knapsack in the closet and closed the door around it. He picked up the remote for the sound system and put something innocuous on before settling back onto the bed as the women emerged from the bathroom in matching pink lingerie, their long, fine tails swaying behind them.