#it just means it's right at the bottom of my current priority list

[not-poignant]

wait okay so now that you're seriously thinking of publishing, will you be writing a new prequel to game theory with the new 'Canon'? like the story as it's meant to have happened between gwyn, augus, terho and the nightingale, or are we just starting from game theory?

ALSO I'm so glad that you might be publishing the ftv soon for wholly selfish reasons -- you're clearly done writing about these characters, but personally I am nowhere near done reading about them, and I'm definitely not creative enough to write fanfiction myself either, so I'm just stuck rotating the characters inside my head like a microwave😭😭 it's really tough out here!!!

imagine the massive wave of new readers and the new community that's gonna come in once the story's more accessible... IT'S SO EXCITING

Hi anon!

No prequel, I'll be starting with Game Theory (and Deeper into the Woods will be published afterwards as a prequel, just as it was chronologically in general!)

Quite a bit of Game Theory is being edited and new content being added (anyone on the Gary & Efnisien tier can already see about 2,000 words of new content in the first three chapters alone, including new scene/s with Crielle), and some content being removed where it's OOC. The events with Terho and the Nightingale will be explained in Game Theory, with Gwyn likely meeting with Terho (or learning about him) a few times within.

As for Fae Tales, you know, it's nice to think there will be some new readers, and there might be like a handful or two, but there will be no massive wave. It is the least popular thing I've written in proportion to the amount of time I've put into it. Even the AUs have all generally done better proportionately.

It's one of the reasons I've never rushed to publish, honestly. It's a lot of work to put into something that you know will never financially justify itself. To the point where I think other projects are far more viable financially (Underline the Rainbow as a series I actually think would be great, because new, meaty omegaverse has a very intense (though small) fanbase and I think that series would bring more people in).

There would be no massive wave of new readers. I think we'd be lucky to see at most about 10 or 20 new folks, and I'll cherish everyone, but I'm also pretty realistic. More people find all my other works these days than Fae Tales, The Ice Plague is still one of the worst performing things I've written in proportion to length + time + work investment (despite being one of my favourite series out of anything I've written).

I think I'm realistic, and I also think there's a chance that the Fae Tales Verse if published could draw some haters. Most people don't want that level of BDSM in their epic fantasy, unless it's much lighter 'romantasy,' which Fae Tales definitely isn't. There's even a chance I might get my KDP author account suspended because of breaching content TOS/violations.

So yeah, it's a risk, but I'll take it. It's just not a risk I'm prioritising right now, because I can't see a way that the Fae Tales Verse will ever really go that far. Hand on heart, way more people who come over from my fanfiction find Falling Falling Stars and Underline and almost no one (with maybe a few exceptions - I love y'all) goes into the canon these days unless they're older / long-time readers.

[tallerthantale]

Effective Boycotting is a Matter of Leverage

I'm not writing this to be critical of or police anyone's personal position on continuing involvement in Good Omens fandom or whatever their state is with Amazon. Some people may never want to engage in the fandom again, and that's ok. Some people want to keep working on their art, that's ok.

For people who are actively interested in strategizing around their relationship to the fandom and the work, I want to give you my thoughts on how that can be done.

Amazon appears to be considering reducing Neil Gaiman's roles from Season 3. As far as I have seen we don't know what any of the details are that are currently being considered. That means right now is the most impactful moment to consider the role of fandom.

When we look at this strategically, the first step is, what's the objective? For me, the long term goal is to have an incentive structure for Amazon and other such organizations to drop people from projects. I'll explain a bit what I mean by that.

Imagine a labor union that's contracted with a store owned by an evil corporation. It's too much of a monopoly to realistically take down the corporation, a lot of people are stuck buying from the store because they don't have decent transportation.

There is a labor dispute, the evil corporation is doing something extra evil and the union calls for a boycott until they stop. So the people who reasonably can stop shopping at the store honor the boycott, and buy from somewhere else. If it's a well run boycott they also help other people out with rides to shop elsewhere through community organizing.

Eventually the store gives in on the labor dispute and does what the union wants. At that point, the union drops the call for a boycott, as the parties have come to an agreement. The evil corporation is still evil. Here is the really important part: When the union drops the call for a boycott, you go back to shopping at the store. Yes, even if the store is still largely evil.

You do that, because that is what preserves the union's power. If no one who participated in the boycott went back to the store after the agreement, the store learns to not bother to reach agreements with the union to end their calls to boycott. Corporations are not acting off of moral principles, they are acting off of bottom line. If reaching an agreement with the union does not improve their bottom line, why bother to negotiate?

So my point is, for fandom to become a base of organized power that can have and maintain effective boycott leverage, there has to be a thing that we are taking away, and a thing we want Amazon to do, at which point those strategically inclined will put back the thing we took away.

The most obvious option is to go back to supporting the show if Neil Gaiman is removed from it to a reasonable degree. Doing that contributes to an incentive structure for Amazon and other corporations to remove people under similar circumstances in the future.

If Amazon can avoid the financial hit of the protest by giving the protestors what they want, they will do so. That helps break down the cultures of looking the other way in the entertainment industry. If shows that remove people get full on protested even after the person was removed, they have no incentive to remove people because it's all sunk cost.

Given how often shows are cancelled these days, I think it is a stronger message to have a show fire its showrunner and carry on successfully than to have a show nebulously not return. I like that outcome better even if it leaves Gaiman with some residuals, because for me the priority goal is incentivizing platforms to publicly dump people in these situations. Gaiman's bank balance is further down the list.

Other people will have other things they want their end goal to be and that's ok. Just remember you aren't appealing to Amazon's better nature, you are appealing to their spreadsheet. What is their incentive to care what you think?

Plan like you are in a negotiation with Amazon. What do you want them to do? What are you willing to stop doing that you will start doing again if they do what you want? And if you find what your position is on that, tell them. People who can drop prime and then offer to reinstate it probably have the most power, but pausing fan content is a meaningful thing to mention too.

[butterflydm]

wot rewatch (book spoilers edition) 2x8

So this post is gonna have some casting and location spoilers about s3, as well as book spoilers through book 14: a memory of light.

Thoughts about Egwene as the modern-age counterpart to Lanfear really get into spoiler territory because I think a large part of it is going to come out in Egwene's reaction to Rand moving on from their relationship vs Lanfear's reaction. Lanfear could never get over Lews Therin, but Egwene is going to move on and seek new paths and new relationships of her own. We will probably even (my guess) have Egwene be the one to initiate the 'final breakup' at the start of s3, just like she initiated the breakup in 1x1. I am definitely intrigued by the angle that they'll use for the breakup in s3. Maybe being able to protect Rand here in this episode is going to heal the part of Egwene that has been feeling so guilty over not being able/allowed to protect Rand in 1x8 and she might also then have some anger/frustration that Rand made choices that made it impossible for her to help him. And she wants a partner who isn't going to make choices like that on her behalf.

That they tied in Egwene's striving so hard at the White Tower in with her wanting to protect the people that she cares about also makes it easier for her not to go back to the White Tower next season (as I suspect that she will not; though we'll see - but I suspect that we'll get the arrival in the Waste in ep2 or maybe even the end of ep1). Egwene, Nynaeve, and Elayne have all seen that there is a bigger fight that needs them right now and going back to train at the White Tower might well be at the bottom of their priority list, even before they hear from Moiraine about what happened in Cairhien.

2. I also feel like the Ishamael-Mat comparison is kinda foreshadowing the Mat-All the Forsaken Who Are Jealous of LTT comparison that we get in a lot of the middle/late books, which we may still get when Sammael and potentially Demandred come into play. Unlike the Forsaken with LTT, Mat is not envious of Rand's high status and title. He doesn't mind being 'in Rand's shadow' and is baffled when Melindhra keeps trying to push him out of said shadow and into seizing the spotlight. He doesn't want it!

Hmm, Forsaken round-up/confirmations. Obviously, we have Lanfear and we had Ishamael. Lanfear will continue to be a presence in s2, I'm currently assuming.

Confirmed:

Moghedien - likely going to be involved in Nynaeve's plotlines, for the most part, I'm guessing. I think she may also take over at least part of Mesaana's plotline. Since all five of the ta'veren are acknowledged as important by the Shadow, she'll even be acting within orders to get obsessed with Nynaeve!

Sammael - Illian is in the picture; I'm guessing we'll get some strong Mat-Sammael compare/contrasts once he's 'on stage'. I'm wondering if Mat will actually be allowed to finish out the Illian plan in the show instead of being yanked away prematurely, and only going to Ebou Dar afterwards? I'm not sure how much we need Mat-in-Salidar in the show. Too soon to really speculate. If we have Sammael... I'm not sure if we get Demandred. They kinda fill the same 'niche' in the Forsaken ecosystem.

Graendal - she just needs to handle chaos somewhere; it doesn't have to be Arad Doman. I think @markantonys suggested the idea of her being the Forsaken who takes over Caemlyn, which is interesting! Both Rahvin and Graendal are big into Compulsion. Not having Rahvin does potentially mean that we don't get Rand balefiring him in order to bring back Aviendha & Mat (and briefly Asmodean, lol), which would be tough to lose. Though they could put that in somewhere else, against a different Forsaken. If they are keeping Rahvin, then Graendal might end up being the Forsaken that gets attached to bothering Perrin, narratively.

Almost certain:

Asmodean - training Rand. I'm hoping he lasts longer in the show than in the books, lol.

Semirhage - taking over Ishamael's place with influencing the Seanchan. But we won't get introduced to her until Tuon also arrives, I'm guessing.

Ishamael died here, so that does imply to me that we're going to get Moridin. I would guess in s5 or s6, to give the rest of the Forsaken time to play on the board for a long while.

Maybe:

The last spot is, for me, a competition between Demandred and Rahvin.

If Demandred - I'm hoping that the show does Taimandred. We haven't seen Taim on-screen, so there's plenty of time for Demandred to kill him and take his place. Taim essentially behaves obsessively jealous over Rand's status in the exact same way as Demandred, just with even worse vibes, lol. They can be combined.

otoh, they already have one of the 'incredibly jealous of LTT' Forsaken lined up for the show, so they might want to bring in another who doesn't really care much about LTT, and do Rahvin instead.

If Rahvin - then he'll go to Caemlyn, but I suspect he wouldn't go there until after Elaida & co have all left the city. Keeping Rahvin in would mean that we would probably be getting Rand balefiring him in order to bring back Mat, Aviendha, & Asmodean.

We do have a pretty healthy variety of motivations among the Forsaken that are lined up for the show, I think. In the books, Semirhage had an alliance with... Demandred and Mesaana, I think, but Mesaana is definitely out and Demandred might be as well, so she might be flying solo.

3. I really love the implication in this scene that Rand is going to potentially design the Asha'man uniforms based on what he was having the male Aes Sedai (including himself) wear during the War of Power.

4. Now that I'm rewatching, I wonder if we're gonna get Rand being treated as a political leader in Falme at the start of s3! Since it may be echoing how Tear was used in the books, as a fulfillment of prophecy.

I love my idea about Caemlyn subbing in for Tear, but Falme really does work for most of that. Maybe something more like... ep1: Falme; ep2: the first split, where Elayne and Nynaeve head off to try to hunt down... idk something, and the rest of the group heads east, ending up in Caemlyn where they meet Gawyn, Galad, & Elaida, ep3: the waste/rhuidean, ep4: tower coup, ep5: alcair dal & capturing asmodean; ep6: battle of two rivers; ep7: nynaeve vs moghedien; ep8: battle of cairhien & the door incident

5. The people of Falme getting saved by Rand in this way also leaves them open to the influence of Masema, who definitely looked like he was Finding Religion at the end of the episode. So Falme may end up being the headquarters of the Prophet of the Dragon. That storyline kinda dragged on in the books in a very annoying way but the bones of it are genuinely fascinating and I think there's a lot that the show could do with it. Because there are two main threads of people who are dangerous due to the Dragon arriving specifically -- there are the people who will hate and fear him but there are also the Dragonsworn who believe that his arrival has broken all previous ties and take it too far due to religious zealotry.

6. Lanfear's full plan, from what I can piece out and with some speculation:

a. Write out a prophecy in blood on the moondial and sell the shattered pieces to Doman, knowing that Moiraine is a likely buyer. She may have done other things to arrange said purchase as well. What I love about this is that it means that she was poking at Ishamael when she asked why he hadn't killed Moiraine, even as she was figuring out how to use Moiraine for her own purposes.

b. Set up an inn in Cairhien and arrange for Rand to stay there. Figure out a way into a relationship with him by taking advantage of his vulnerability. I'm even wondering if all of Rand's bad dreams this season have actually been Lanfear and not Ishamael. I'm pretty sure that the one in 2x6 featured a fake Ishy.

c. I think that Verin & Tomas have potentially been under Lanfear's orders for most/all of the season, given that Lanfear has been invested in Moiraine. And Lanfear being invested in Moiraine makes it... more likely that Selene being a Moiraine cosplay was 100% intentional on her part which is... fascinating. A fascinating look into Lanfear's psychology. I mean, she really did cultivate a very sugar mommy dynamic with Rand.

d. Get most of the pieces in motion... and then her plans get screwed when Barthanes's mom tells Moiraine where Rand went, and Lanfear gets stabbed and temporarily loses her boy. But it's okay! She can adjust her plans! (Theory: I think this is why she had Liandrin talk to Barthanes; she figured out what happened and wanted to punish the Damodred family for ruining her plans -- there really wasn't any actual way for Barthanes to even get to Moiraine to kill her, so that wasn't the real plan; I think it was petty revenge on Lanfear's part)

e. So, Rand goes to sleep and she's able to start working on him. She gets him to agree to go to Falme! Yes! She's so close to her Happy Ending with Lews Therin Telamon Rand al'Thor!

...and then Rand gets captured by the Amyrlin Seat of these new Aes Sedai and Lanfear needs to break her future devoted husband Rand out of jail, ugh, he asks so much of her. (secretly, she wishes he would ask more)

f. So, jailbreak time! With a brief pause to ship Mat Cauthon to Falme. With Lanfear maybe suspecting that Ishamael is wrong about Mat and that things aren't going to go how he expects. She uses Verin to make sure that Moiraine & co are going to go to the Waygate, because she's figured out exactly where she plans to dump Moiraine so that she can play her part of the plan.

There is also some speculation that Maksim may be a darkfriend as well. If he is, then he was also used as a pawn by Lanfear to get another Aes Sedai to help with the plan.

Lanfear also takes this opportunity to further poison the White Tower against Rand, by having his escape tied to a Forsaken rampage on the Foregate.

g. Lanfear has complete faith that Lews Therin Rand is going to successfully take care of Ishamael! That's her man! He can do anything! She just needs to clear the way for him and get him in the right place at the right time, and he'll do the rest. She even makes sure to deliver the Horn of Valere to some of his friends! He's got this in the bag!

h. ...then she makes the mistake of stopping in to say 'hi' to Ishamael and gloat about Rand being in Falme, tipping her hand and causing Ishamael's decision to release the rest of the Forsaken. Oops.

i. Well, Rand has been proclaimed the Dragon (yay!) but now the rest of the Forsaken are free and she's been told she needs to stay away from him (boo!).

j. ...time to come up with a new plan.

6. "I know who kills him. And what he uses to do it."

The wild thing here is that, iirc, it's his unhealable wound that kills Rand's body at the Last Battle, right? Which would mean Min's interpretation of her viewing was absolutely correct -- Mat DOES 'kill' Rand in this episode. It just takes a while before the death actually takes effect. So one of my theories -- that Mat was taking the place of Alivia in being the one who 'helps' Rand die -- that I dismissed because we're way too soon for that... is kinda true?

7. I have to admit, it confuses me when I still see people arguing that Mat is going to need to go to the White Tower to get healed from the dagger. The show made it very clear that he was Not Touching the dagger. His entire plan centered around using the dagger without touching it. And Mat has already spent a lot of time in the White Tower and worked his hardest to try to escape -- why would he go back? Plus, the people making these arguments already know that we're doing book 4 next season. Mat doesn't go anywhere near the White Tower in book 4. And his WT stuff hits some 'rule of cool' buttons but it's not... narratively important (especially if Rahvin didn't make the cut).

Going to Rhuidean and getting his medallion is key to Mat's future developments. And the show has put so much work into his relationship with Rand, so it just seems likely that they would want to build on that in s3 rather than abandoning it so that Mat can doink around the countryside with a variety of companions (it's so bizarre for me to see people prioritizing Mat's book 3 plotline over "Mat enters an alternate dimension to get a special medallion and special weapon that are key to his narrative" - but it's probably the same people who spend, like, ten books hating on the Wondergirls for not being grateful enough to Mat at the Stone of Tear).

8. I do think that we're going to skip Lan's bond having a stop-over at anyone else and have him go straight from Moiraine to Nynaeve. I feel like this stressful period here between the two of them in s2 was standing in for a lot of the tensions that they faced in the books (and that broke them apart in the books) but in the show they are now both on the same page -- they're both committed to "protecting Rand, guiding him" and we know that Moiraine approves of Nynaeve (and that LAN knows that she does) from the end of s1.

They may have some friction next season over the best way to help Rand, potentially, as Rand may be frustrated with Moiraine proclaiming him as the Dragon without his permission, but I don't think it'll get as bad as it does in the books (especially since I kinda feel like we might be 'losing' Moiraine at the end of the season).

9. The fact that we did not see Turak's room of curiosities makes me even MORE curious about whether or not a certain redstone doorway is there. That we ended the episode at the climax of the battle rather than getting any downtime after makes me feel like we are going to have at least one episode at the start of s3 where everyone is together so that we can establish the new group dynamics. That could take place in Caemlyn, like I've speculated, or it could take place here in Falme. They also might have left it open because they weren't sure if they could get this location back for s3 filming, so didn't want to commit to where the doorway might be located.

Given what Rafe & co have said about s3 being a 'closer adaptation' of bk4, I am leaning towards us getting a lot of those early 'book Tear' elements in whatever city we open with next season.

10. I suspect that we may get an Ingtar-ish storyline with a different character in the future. In the books, it is a cool moment, but it's cool because we had time to build up Ingtar's relationship with Rand and Rand was able to offer him a kind of absolution. If we hadn't needed to recast Mat and then restructure the entire s2 plotline, then maybe we would have had that kind of time, but that's the realities of working in television, especially in this, our time of Covid.

We've had a lot of complex Darkfriends on the show so far (while in the books, we only really get Ingtar and... Asmodean, I guess? Literally can't think of any others, lol) and so we might see this plotline pop up again once we have the time to spend with one of our mains bonding with a character who ends up being a Darkfriend.

Potential candidates: Lanfear ("Light help you, Rand al'Thor" - calls upon the Light to give him aid?), Asmodean, Liandrin (via her relationship with Nynaeve)

11. "Lanfear, Lews Therin, and Ishamael were inseparable before the War of Power" kinda implies to me that... Lews didn't meet Ilyena until after the War of Power had begun? I really am curious about what they're planning to do re: Ilyena. She was LTT's main focus in the books, but hasn't even been mentioned by name yet in the show. I mean, in the books, she was one of the classic Fridged Wives ever tbh, so I certainly don't mind some adjustments, but I am VERY curious. And with what the precise timeline of it was, in this version of the story.

12. I'm thrilled that Seta and Renna were killed off, tbh. I'm hoping it means that the second circus plotline is just as dead as they are. It was... genuinely one of the Worst Times that I ever had reading any PoVs in the entire series. But Egwene wanted to kill Renna in the books too! She only didn't because Nynaeve stopped her! And Nynaeve's not here. So all that felt pretty in-line with the book characterization.

And it gives Egwene a big moment here, which is good because... honestly, she doesn't do that much in TSR that I can think of? She... trains, mostly, lol. She doesn't get any huge moments like this, as far as I can recall. That is maybe the one reason that I can think of for sending the Wondergirls back to the White Tower, to give Egwene the Big Moment of her Accepted test. But Egwene's next big thing is really becoming Amyrlin, from what I remember. Am I forgetting some stuff from TSR or TFoH?

Rand has Rhuidean and becoming Car'a'carn

Nynaeve has Moghedien (and maybe Egeanin, if they do that plotline - they might have the Seanchan take next season or two off to 'regroup')

Mat has Rhuidean and visiting the foxes

Perrin has the battle of the Two Rivers

But Elayne is mostly Nynaeve's sidekick in Tanchico, from what I remember, and Egwene is mostly just tagging along with the Wise Ones and training. They can get some cool stuff out of her learning to be a Dreamer but there isn't really a 'climatic moment' in that in TSR or TFoH that I can think of.

(I wonder if the Birgitte bonding might happen next season? because they'll want to show Moghedien's threat level and what she does to Birgitte is a pretty good show of force)

13. Talking about how the Mat & Rand relationship is more complex than Mat & Perrin's -- this is very true to the books, of course, (until Perrin became Everyone's Closest Friend in ToM/AMoL) but it also feeds into Mat being a part of Rand's storylines next season (and probably all/most of s4) while Perrin goes back to the Two Rivers for most of s3. Mat and Rand's relationship is going to be more relevant, so it makes sense to load it up with more tension and more complexity. And given how close they've made Mat and Rand, I suspect that their storylines may dovetail even more in the show than they did in the books (and they already did a LOT in the books). And they might even continue to TALK about all the trauma that they have in common instead of being right next to each other and never having a conversation about it.

14. Mat being Rand's only hope being connected to the Horn and connected to the unhealing wound that will eventually kill him in Shayol Ghul... they really have twined Mat and Rand's narratives more tightly than the books did, which is delightful (especially with Mat being a Hero of the Horn in this version of the story, which means that Mat and Rand hang out together in TAR between incarnations).

It does make me very curious if Olver is going to exist in this version, since Mat is now not just tied to the Horn by ta'veren coincidence but by his own nature. Olver is kinda an easy character to cut, since he only ever does two things: a. gets Mat trapped in Ebou Dar so that he can get locked into his fate & b. blows the Horn in the Last Battle. If they're doing something different with Mat & Tuon, then Olver might not be needed for the first thing. And there's no reason for Mat not to blow the Horn himself in the Last Battle.

Narratively, because they HAVE been winding Mat and Rand's stories more tightly together, it would be pretty unsatisfying for Mat and Rand to separate in s4 (or s5?) and then literally never see each other again until they get a five-minute conversation in, like, ep 4 of season 8, so I suspect/hope that the show will find ways to let them reunite sooner than that. I mean, it was pretty damn unsatisfying in the books, let me tell you.

15. The show did such a good job setting up the Two Rivers storyline for next season, imo. I love that they put together Perrin's two "whitecloaks crimes" into the same issue and that Dain witnessed it first-hand instead of going after Perrin based on hearsay. I think we'll potentially see a real exploration of Perrin's guilt over Laila vs his inability to feel guilty about killing Bornhald next season. Plus adding Faile into the mix is likely going to make Perrin feel even guiltier (and I believe that Slayer is confirmed as well? It's gonna be busy in the Two Rivers for Perrin). I think we might get the 'trap' for Faile next season and it'll be what make Perrin realize that he has feelings for her but I don't think we're getting the quickie wedding. That feels WAY too fast.

16. It's hard to talk about Hopper's death without spoilers! Because this is very much not the end of Hopper's storyline. I'm expecting that Hopper is still going to be Perrin's teacher in the wolfdream, so we're probably going to see him just as much next season as we did this season, if not more. What a good actor in that dog, though, wow. Such a good start towards Perrin at the end. Hopper has been so delightful and I've loved what he's added to Perrin's storyline.

17. @markantonys did a really good post on the differences between why book!Mat thinks of himself 'not a hero' vs why show!Mat does, and I just want to link it here and co-sign. But that's really why this moment in the show, for Mat, works for me so well.

All of the characters, while they do have a core that comes from the books, are affected by the changes that the show has made. And Mat has been particular affected, because the realities of television impacted his character more than most due to the recasting, etc.

But even apart from that, Mat is different because he has gone through different experiences: he's known for over a year that one of them would be the Dragon so when he reunites with Rand, knowing that Rand's the Dragon, he's not going to have the same reaction that he did in the books because he has had time to adjust to the idea and it's not a nasty surprise.

Mat has a different relationship with heroism in the show because we lost our original Mat due to the shooting delays of Covid, and we had to leave Mat behind at the Waygate, meaning that he abandoned his friends out of fear. That profoundly changes his trajectory and means that a lot of work needed to be put into building his character back up again. Show!Mat NEEDS to be a Hero of the Horn in a way that book!Mat never did, because it provides external validation for him coming through the pain and loneliness and guilt and shame that he has been living in for the past few months.

18. After checking discussion on the subreddit, it is GENUINELY fascinating to me how many fans misremember book!Mat as getting his own past lives' memories rather than getting a mishmash of (mostly) war memories from the random people who visited the 'finn. I do think it's possible that this moment HAS been meant to replace that and Mat gets to use his own memories for all his general'ing needs, but it's also possible that these memories are going to fade after a while (and maybe that's the drive that makes Mat go to the 'finn, instead of asking for his memory-holes to be filled, he wants his past lives' memories back?). Mat does have some ancient memories that get triggered a couple of times in the early books (before Jordan was planning to send him to the 'finn, imo, and when Mat was going to be the one to go back to the Two Rivers) but those are not the same as the memories that the 'finn gave him.

19. We're also seeing a bit of LTT foreshadowing here, I think, in seeing how Mat remembering some of his past lives gives him access to fighting skills that he didn't have before. So when Rand starts pulling from LTT's memories, viewers can go back to this scene and connect the similarities.

20. Uno is Gaidal Cain! (from what Rafe has said in interviews) Good for him! I wonder if they're going to split up the 'dream conversations' next season and have Uno be the one who talks to Perrin and warns him about things, since they already have an emotional connection, while Brigitte is the one who runs across Egwene & the other Wondergirls (I absolutely do not remember the timeline of any of that, to be frank). I believe also, from what has been said, that this is not the final Birgitte actress, which is why they didn't focus on her much. Maybe we'll get Uno and Perrin hanging out in s3, and then Birgitte's storyline in s4?

21. I really am wondering how they plan to play out Rand's romantic situation in s3. There are still quite a few show-only viewers who are invested in Rand & Egwene as endgame, but also quite a few show-only viewers who clocked what a romantically-framed introduction that Rand and Elayne just had to each other. I don't want the show to rush Rand and Elayne's romance, so I'm still leaning towards them not starting anything next season, with the focus in the initial episode before they separate being on Rand and Egwene's breakup, and then Rand and Aviendha coming together over the course of s3 but... that really was a very disney-princess Romantic (TM) introduction shot, very "Eric meets Ariel" in The Little Mermaid (someone made the comparison using screenshots).

22. Did Suroth die? We don't actually see a body. This may be a situation where it was left ambiguous because they don't plan to have her in s3 and the actress might not be available when they do need their Seanchan antagonist again, so safest to leave her in a quantum state.

23. I am absolutely imagining the rest of the Forsaken watching Rand and Ishamael's encounter and then immediately fleeing once they see Rand take down Ishy, with Moghedien being voluntold to stay behind to talk to Lanfear.

24. Hmm, thinking about Masema. So Masema watches Ingtar get cut down by the Seanchan soldiers, he watches Perrin's friend Mat open the box to the Horn and then rush off to deliver it. And then he sees the dragon on the tower at the end. So he's seeing this huge difference between what a normal lord can do, and what was accomplished by the Dragon and his people. I'm not sure how in-depth we're going to be going with the Prophet of the Dragon storyline, but we definitely had seeds planted for it here.

25. We also seemed to have an interesting progression of who stands next to Rand, where, and when. Because first Rand is up alone on the ledge (while everyone has a group hug behind him), then we see Mat revealed to one side while Egwene steps up on the other. Then Nynaeve and Perrin join together, between Rand and Egwene. And in the final shot of them, we see that Elayne is standing between Mat and Rand.

I'm not going to put any particular meaning on any of that (at least at this time), just noting it.

It's a great shot.

26. I wonder if Ishy gave the others like, a short presentation on What This New Age Is Like.

That was such a good season of television! I'm really looking forward to what they're going to do with TSR, it's one of my very favorite of the books.

[redjayson]

Hi! Can we get an update on your WIPs? I just read almost all of your SVSSS fics (excluding the twin fic and the winter soldier fic, only because I haven't read them yet) and you wrote that there's a lot coming end of the year so now I'm unbearably curious!

(I especially like your baby's first svsss fic, I both want the reunion to happen soon and know everything that's happening in the interim. Which can't all fit into your next chapter, I'm aware. I'm just very very curious and that's the best way I could figure to phrase that)

oh sure! it's been a pretty long time since I posted a progress report isn't it? glad you've been enjoying my fics! 🥰

the winter shizun au (I just posted chapter 4) looks like it's going to clock in at just over 50k once completely edited. as rough drafts, chapter 5 is 7.3k and chapter 6 is 9.5k, but I typically add more than I take away when editing

ignis fatuus agelaius (AKA fall for your reflection) is complete but unedited while I focused on getting the winter shizun au edited/posted. "chapter 4" is 25k, but I'm splitting it in half and posting as two simultaneous chapter because that nearly doubles the fic's word count

shen twins au (second-hand alibis) is...stalled. I thought I could keep working on it in and amongst my other projects but I was wrong 😂 chapter 24 is currently only 1.2k long. I'm hoping to at least finish that chapter and post on the saturday nearest the one year-iversary for the fic!

since you asked about Baby's First SVSSS Fic (the pale morning sings)--oof. part of why it languished in my drafts for so long was a) I wasn't sure of my grasp on the characters bc first fic but also b) I did not come up with very much of a plan for it. I need to sit down and do at least a little plotting for it, or spin out some possibilities for what can/will happen before and/or during the reunion. that being said, I've got 4.1k of chapter 4 written! and I even wrote some of that in september, so it still is being worked on. just very, very slowly and from the bottom of the priority list.

murder cave 3 has about 4.3k, basic equations 2 has about 1.8k, Baby's First Omegaverse Fic has a second chapter and part of a third, I'm not talking about my FTH fic because it's somewhat secret, I'm also not talking about my SVSSS Big Bang fic bc that's definitely secret, and then I've got a few other bits and bobs that I've been poking at but which are nowhere near ready to be posted to AO3

right now iirc I have around 280k words of SVSSS fic (jesus christ when and how did that happen) posted to AO3, which means I've got around 130k of unpublished or in the works fic in my scrivener document(s). it's been an exceedingly productive year (and change)! thank you scum villain for making me go batshit insane <3

[skitterhop]

how i did the shadows in MAGIC SHOW

I thought it might be fun to write a little breakdown of how I made the shadows in my animation!

so a little bit of context about magic show: i made this animation very quickly! it was a gift for @xxacidnekoxx, and in total i worked on it for about 2 weeks.

there wasn't an animatic stage, and i drew all of the final frames as i went. i didn't even know it was going to have shadows at all until I finished coloring it and realized the whole thing looked a lot more flat than i had anticipated.

oops!

luckily, getting the animation from this to its shaded state only took a few hours.

so let's break it all down!

Part One: Some Basics

it's worth noting that the animation software I used for this is toon boom harmony. a lot of what i'll be talking about is harmony specific, although you could certainly apply similar techniques in other programs.

Masking

the idea is simple. you have three images. the first two images are the same image, but with different palettes. the third image, known as the mask, is grayscale, and defines which areas use which palette.

when combined, the black areas use the first palette, and the white areas use the second palette. grey areas mix between the two.

in harmony this is easily accomplished with just a few nodes.

the unlit background is layered on the bottom. the lit version is masked by the cutter, and layered on top of the unlit background.

this kind of setup will likely work for most cases. however...

by default, cutter nodes will only use the alpha channel of whatever is plugged into the matte to determine which areas to mask, ignoring the actual brightness values of our mask.

this causes some issues for us! our lighting has layers. we want our spotlight to make the background lighter, and we want our characters to cast shadows on top of the spotlight.

luckily, we can force harmony to use the matte input's brightness values to determine the mask instead by inserting a greyscale node before the cutter and ticking the "matte output" box.

(btw, if you need a layer or matte to become a solid color, you can plug it into a Matte Blur node and pick which color you want there. very handy in combination with the greyscale node's matte output!)

Color Overrides

the easiest way to make alternate palettes in toon boom is to right click on the palette in your palettes list, and click "Clone..."

this makes a copy of your palette where all of the colors are linked to their respective counterparts in the original palette.

with cloned palettes, harmony uses whatever palette is highest in the list (or whatever palette is currently selected) to determine which version of the palette it uses in the scene. you can override any layer's palette priorities by plugging it into a Colour Override node and adding the new palette you want as a whole palette override.

Apply Peg Transformations

the Apply Peg Transformation node is simple. normally peg transformations occur before the drawing node. this means every instance of the drawing will share the same transformations. but this node lets you apply them after the drawing node.

this allows you to insert multiple instances of your drawing, each with unique transformations!

perfect for our shadows!

that's the basic gist of it! combining these elements gets you most of the way there.

Part Two: Getting The Rest Of The Way There

unfortunately, our table looks like it is floating at the moment.

this technique is very efficient, but the results are far from perfect.

shadows are what happen when an object blocks light from hitting another object. generally these objects are "three dimensional" and have "volume", which, in combination with the position and angle of the light source, changes the shape of the shadows they project.

the truth is that reusing flattened 2d artwork of characters to create shadows can only get you so far. the effect looks better when the light source is coming from a similar position and angle to the camera, but looks worse when the difference is greater.

in our case, the light source is close enough to look convincing on the curtains, but the shadow doesn't line up with the table's feet on the floor, absolutely shattering the illusion.

so how do we fix this?

Color Overrides Again

the Colour Override node also lets you non-destructively remove specified colors from a layer.

here i've "deleted" the table's shadow by using a Colour Override node to replace all of the table's colors with 0 alpha colors.

this is a very efficient method of removing objects from a lot of frames at once!

cutter nodes can be used to further mask away any remaining parts of a shadow that you don't want. example:

Manually Adding The Shadow Back In

no node fuckery here. i simply made a new layer and drew the table's shadow by hand for each frame and included it in my shadow composite.

this little bit of manual shadow animation really ties everything together and sells the effect in my opinion.

Part Three: Finishing Touches

these aren't necessary, but they add a little bit of polish

Mesh Warping To Add Form

the shadows subtly wrap around the curtains as if they were a little bit round. just gotta run the shadows through an Apply Peg Transformation node connected to a Mesh Warp node. be warned that the bezier handles on this thing are a lot more finicky than the other bezier handles in harmony and sometimes they bite you.

Blurring Spotlight Edges

in the real world, shadows get blurrier the further away they are from the object that's casting them. it probably would've been a lil more realistic if i slightly blurred the shadows that the characters cast on the curtains as well, but i thought they looked better sharp here. realism doesn't actually matter just do whatever looks Good Enough.

Floor Reflection

i used an Apply Peg Transformation node along with a simple peg to layer a flipped instance of the curtain's Lit shading on top of the floor. blur it (more vertically than horizontally,) set the blending mode to add, and lower the opacity. done!

that's about all i can think of right now. thanks for reading if you got this far!

as a bonus here is what the whole node tree for this animation looks like. most of the shadow & background stuff is happening over in the upper right cluster.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Next Fest 2023, Pt 1.

I managed to try two of my shiny new demos before I crashed last night. I have Things To Say already.

My Dream Setup: Okay, this one’s little, silly, and really Zen. It’s basically just taking the room design aspect of the Sims, simplifying it a lot, and removing the “you must work to afford this or get really good at using the Motherlode cheat” aspect from it. Basically it’s a room design game. I can see myself futzing around with it as a wind-down exercise ... well, at least when all the main features aren’t locked out of the game.

Code Vein: Okay, this one wasn’t a “NEW AND COMING SOON” game. This was a game I’d heard a lot about from various sources and thought I’d give a try since there was a demo. It’s ... it’s another one of those very Japanese ones? Also it’s an ARG, and I’m not generally great at those. And its combat is heavily based on the Soulslike formula, which means “a lot of dodge and / or block, no easy mode, git gud scrub” etc etc. Then again, while “git gud” is a horrible way of phrasing it, I guess the only real way to learn how to play those sorts of things is to keep trying and not be too stressed about constantly dying. I mean, it’s entirely possible that changing the keybinds will help if I do get this one, because some of the keybinds they use for those of us who don’t use controllers are just awkward as fuck. So it’s basically Jedi: Fallen Order all over again as I try to work out a reasonable keybind set-up that’s intuitive for a keyboard user rather than one designed by someone who thinks that a controller is the sole proper conduit for the voice of the gods ... or whatever, I don’t know. I just know that being disabled really, really sucks.

So, yeah, all of the things I downloaded the demo for went onto the wishlist, but it’s only the ones that I like that are going to stay there. My Dream Setup and Code Vein both stayed there, and shifted up fairly high. I arrange my wishlist a little weird, I admit - mostly I keep it in priority order with “coming soon” games down at the bottom (also arranged by priority at that point), but “coming soon” games move up into proper priority order as soon as there’s a solid release date on them. So, like, Dredge finally got its release date (30 March) so it goes right up at the top where it belongs. My Dream Setup actually comes out in about two weeks so that went right into priority order near the top. Since Code Vein’s been out for awhile, it went into priority order too ... though I will admit that the only reason that Code Vein is so high up there is that it’s currently 85% off until next week and if I am going to buy it to try my hand at that particular genre, it might as well be when it’s significantly on sale. Maybe then I’d have some idea about where to set my keybinds and actually give Jedi: Fallen Order another try. Point being, it’s all a kind of weird organisational system but it works for me because it means I keep my priority order fairly up to date instead of just tacking stuff on at random. It also means I get to look through reviews of the things on my wish list and go, “Okay, given this is what’s being said, do I really want this?” A fair few times, the answer has been ‘no’, so it’s an interesting sort of way to be a mindful shopper, I guess.

...’Mindful shopper’ my entire ass; my wishlist is over 100 items long and I still haven’t played half the games I already own. Still, it’s like with books - one day, one of those games is going to be the only thing that speaks to me on any given day. Besides, if I can fuck up the Code Vein demo, maybe fucking up something like A Plague Tale: Innocence won’t be that bad. I mean, I’ve seen the final boss fight now and I kind of need to know how the fuck we got to that point...

[jennymay]

Okay so, I’m currently medicated and feeling good. Huge difference to my last entries I know. I’m aware that is mental illness or maybe lack of medication. But I have 3 tabs of my meds so I’ll be good for a while. I can’t get off them. I told myself withdrawals weren’t real but they were a fucking bitch. They made me MORE mentally ill.

I want to start living life selfishly. I want to do exactly what I want to. And I want to say no to whatever I don’t want to do. That sounds simple and easy. Most people put themselves first and just do whatever makes them happy. This is a strange concept to me that I’ve only just realised is normal. It sounds crazy but that’s how I thought everyone was. Everyone worries about others more than themselves.

My priority for myself has always been at the bottom of the list. As long as everyone else is sorted, I’ll be okay. But at the end of the day, I was feeling shit. Every single day. But enough of the bad talk, I wanna talk good. I’m so sick of being sad and unhappy. I’ve realised I’ve never felt happy for more than a day. And I mean that. Genuine happiness has not stayed with me and I haven’t experienced much of it. It’s not that my life is bad I just struggle to enjoy myself. It’s a task for some reason.

I want to quit smoking and I want to cut out sugar. I want to spend my weekends with Emily and demi. I want to take Bella and benji out more often, without being around mum and dad. I want space from them I realised. After ever conversation I am so anxious and I don’t realise it because I’m so used to it.

The other day me and Kayla were relaxing and mum called. I instantly got sick at first, assuming something bad happened, and was left in a bad mood after the call. The call was fine and normal, but just hearing my mums voice made me anxious. Same goes for my dad. So I realised, hey, they make me feel shit! Why do I go to them? Why do I talk to them? Why do I just go over to the house when they invite me? I don’t need to. I don’t HAVE to, as Bella would say. I don’t have to! So I’m not going to.

Same goes for Angela. I feel stressed and down when we talk. It feels like a chore and our conversations don’t make me feel good. So why am I continuing? I don’t need to. I’m 24, I don’t need to do anything I don’t want to. I’m supposed to do what I want. I told myself being there for people constantly is a beautiful thing. I thought it was a kind thing to make sure everyone around you knows, they can use you for talking if they need. The offer still stands. But I don’t want to be burdened anymore. And that’s the thing, I am heavily burdened. No more.

I want a new job with better money. I went a new car to buy for myself. I would love to buy Bella or benji a car one day. Right now that’s impossible so I want to save more. I want to exercise. I WANT to rather than “oh I have to”.

Doing things for myself and being nice to myself will take time but it’s better than before. Anything is better than before. I won’t get too low again. I’m stronger and getting stronger. That’s something I have that other people don’t. A strong mentality. Somewhat…

[luvluvnitrodynamite]

jealous jujutsu kaisen characters <3

ft. itadori yuuji, gojou satoru g/n!reader (sfw, with some suggestive themes in gojou)

itadori yuuji - watching itadori get jealous is a bit cute, if you're being honest. i mean, take what happened in the grocery store yesterday. ~ "yuuji, we're out of rice," you say to him, re-checking your list. "we're out of rice??? impossible. i just had some yesterday." you sigh. "be that as it may, that doesn't change the fact that we don't have it anymore. can you grab it really fast?" he pouts a bit. you're not sure if he genuinely doesn't want to leave your side or if he's just stalling to remember where the rice aisle is. regardless, you don't want to stand here all day. "yuuji, i'll give you a kiss as a reward if you get it for me." he perks up immediately, giving you a grin and a thumbs up before dashing in the opposite direction. you smile to yourself. itadori may have been an idiot, but he's your idiot. the thought warms your heart. you push your cart of the produce section and into a large selection of rows, choosing one closest to you. you seem to be in the tea aisle. oh good, you think. we've been out of tea for a couple of days now. you peruse the section, picking up some green tea. you get some chamomile as well, stacking the boxes carefully so they won't get crushed by fruits. mmm what about chai? you search the boxes, only to see it's at the very top self. you reach up, fingers just barely touching the platform it's on. you can't even brush up against the box. you try standing on tiptoes, looking a bit silly as you try to extend your body beyond its natural length. you're thinking maybe you should wait for itadori to get back when a different hand easily plucks the box off the shelf. you follow the hand to its owner, to see it belongs to a tall guy about your age. he's cute you suppose, but it's no itadori. still, you smile sweetly and charm him with a "thank you! there was no way I was going to reach that." He smiles broadly back at you. "No problem," he replies. "You like chai tea?" You want to be polite and he's nice enough, so you respond "definitely! I don't know if it's my favorite, but it's a staple in my pantry." He blushes a bit, and scratches his hand behind his neck. "Yeah, same," he says. "There's actually a really nice caf�� that opened up a few blocks away from here. They make a mean cup of chai, and they have these delicious little cinnamon rolls that go really well with them. If you're free any time soon, do you want to try one with me?" You open your mouth to politely turn him down when you feel a protective arm wrap around your waist. You turn your head to see a pink-cheeked itadori glaring at the stranger. he does look mad, but you also think he just looks so cute. ah, the duality of man. "oh, hi yuuji! did you get the rice?," you ask him. you have priorities, after all. "yeah," he says, not moving his arm or his gaze. "who's this, love?" oh, he's really jealous if he's pulling out the love. you try to defuse the situation. "oh, this guy just helped me get some tea from the top shelf. thanks again!" you say. the guy was not expecting a wild itadori to emerge from the tall grass, and is trying to figure a way out. "no problem," he repeats. "i'll see you around, yeah?" without waiting for a response, he puts the tea in your cart and walks away. "did you know that guy?" you ask, as itadori relaxes and puts the rice in the cart. "no, but it sure looks like you did," he says, a bit annoyed. "yuuji, are you jealous?" you tease. "no! of course not!" he retorts. his cheeks are still pink though, and now he's looking around like he expecting another guy to run through and sweep you up in their arms. you decide to take mercy on him, and tug one of his hands in your own. "hey, don't i owe you a reward for getting my rice?" he perks up, and flicks his gaze almost imperceptibly towards your mouth. you sweetly press his lips to his cheek, and smile innocently when he gives you an annoyed look. you turn around to go the cart, only to see that the tea guy has returned. itadori sees him too, and he looks mad again. however, instead of confronting him, he looks at you and says,

"c'mon, i meant a real kiss." he gently places his hands on your face and pulls you in. it's a light, yet passionate kiss. the rhythm is slow and soft, but there's a definite intensity behind it. his tongue has just swiped your bottom lip, entering your mouth when you remember that you're in public. you pull away and glance at the end of the aisle. the guy is gone. you glance at itadori. he is grinning triumphantly at you. you smile in spite of yourself, going back over to the cart. "yuuji?" he comes over, wrapping his arms around you and placing his head over your shoulder. "yes, my love?" "you got the wrong kind of rice." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ gojou satoru - a jealous gojou is not a good gojou. if you think he's annoying normally, it's about to get so, so, so much worse. ~ "satoru please!" you beg. you're feeling desperate now, there's no other way out. you two have gone to the park for a picnic to savor one of his rare days off. the spot you chose was warm and sunny with few people around; the day was supposed to be lovely. and it was, at least for a while. you had spent just the last hour cloud-watching, peacefully pointing out odd shapes in the sky. really though, you were just taking an excuse to lay on his stomach and talk. you two get so little time together like this that you try to savor every moment. however, in your analysis of a banana-shaped cloud far on the horizon, you noticed a familiar shape. the shape of your ex, to be precise. you stiffen, and gojou notices. "hey," he says. "what's wrong?" you don't respond immediately; your mind is swirling with schemes to avoid them. if you guys packed up now, could you go without being noticed? no, you were too close. could you hide? no, there wasn't anywhere to duck behind. you had to stop time somehow, but how? gojou waves his hand over your face. "hey? everything ok down there? have you gone into the void?" he asks. you start to glare at him, but then his words hit you in the face. the void. he can draw your ex into the void while you make a hasty getaway. you sit up, dropping your angry look and switching to a more saccharine one. "satoru," you start. "can you do a favor for me?" he gives you an easy smile. "of course, anything for you," he replies. "great, can you trap the person in the white shirt over there into the infinite void?" that certainly gets his attention. "i'm sorry, what?" he asks incredulously. "ok, so that's my ex over there. things ended kind of...awkwardly, and I just don't want to deal with this right now. could you trap them into the void before they notice me?" "i don't think the relationship was the thing that was awkward love. maybe you should just, you know, face the problem head on?" he suggests. "it can't be that bad. and even if it is, at least it'll be entertaining. actually, i'll give you two some privacy!" he says cheerfully, and promptly leaves. that brings you to your current predicament. you could be responsible and mature, but that would involve getting over your breakup. you may have slightly understated the awkwardness of the situation. truthfully, you got dumped and you pined over your ex for weeks afterward. you especially did not take it when when you were being broken up with. you begged them not to leave you while crying, making quite the scene in the restaurant they had chosen. now, with no lingering emotions, you just feel guilty and embarrassed for how you acted. but that was in the past, and you could move past that as long as it wasn't walking up to you. and now with gojou walking away, and them walking up...oh no. oh no oh no ohnonono. you take a deep breath in, and breathe out. i'm not the same person i was then, you think to yourself. this thought steadies your nerves; in fact, maybe gojou was right. you have been wondering what they’ve been up to, after all, and you might stop feeling guilty if you apologize. a bright and cheerful “hey!!” jolts you out of your thoughts; there they are. “hey,” you respond, a bit less cheerfully. you push yourself up off the ground to

greet them, and are a bit surprised when they pull you into a hug. it’s a more intimate hug than you would have guessed, with their hands snaking around your waist and gently cradling your head. they smell...nice, you think to yourself. as you pull away, you feel watched. you’re not sure from where, since you can’t see him, but you know gojou is watching you. well, good. he refused to help you out of this mess, so maybe you’ll make him suffer a bit. neither one of you say anything for a second.. “so….i guess how are you?” they ask you, smiling. “i’m great,” you reply. “how are you?” you ask. “good.” you stand there, neither one of you wanting to interrupt the delicate silence. “so,” you both say at the same time. you guys laugh, and just like that, the weird silence dissipates. “you go first,” they say to you. “well, i just want to say that i’m sorry. i know breaking up was probably hard for you, but i think i just made it harder by, you know, being unable to let us go. that was unfair to you and it definitely made things harder for me, so i’m really sorry about that.” “oh, wow,” your ex say, a bit surprised. “well, that sort of contrasts what i’m about to say. i was going to say that you were right.” huh? what? you furrow your eyebrows together, and stare back with a bemused expression. “i was right?” you venture. “about...what?” your ex sheepishly scratches the back of their head, giving you an embarrassed smile. “about us, i mean. you kept telling me that we were better together, and that we would only be unhappy apart. i know it’s been a while since we were together, but lately it’s all i can think about. i….still think i love you.” well, that was a bombshell. you just stare at them, stunned into silence. “sorry, i know that this is way too much for just meeting again; you just looked so beautiful and it reminded me of when we were together and i just miss being together and -- ah, i’m rambling like a crazy person now, aren’t i?” they wryly ask. you giggle. “just a bit,” you respond. they take your hands into theirs, tracing their thumb lightly over your skin. their eyes are honest, and their face is hopeful. “i know this is really sudden, but would you maybe want to get dinner with me soon? you don’t have to, of course, but…?” they pull one hand out, and drift it up to your face, caressing your jawline with such care that if you were not previously engaged, you might have melted into their arms right there. but you already had a boyfriend, even if he was an annoying one. you thought briefly about pretending to accept their offer, just to needle him, but decided against it. instead, you just kindly smiled at your ex, and pull their hand from your face. “this is really sweet,” you say. “but, unfortunately, i’m already taken.” their face falls, but they quickly mask it with a smile. “ah, i get it. someone as amazing as you would get snapped up fast. it was just my mistake to let you go,” they say, pulling back. “well, why don’t we start over with this. how about instead of a romantic dinner date, we just get coffee sometime. no love attached,” they add. “sure,” you respond. “i have been wanting to know what you’ve been up to.” “same here, how about tomorrow at 11?” they ask. “it’s a date!” you joke. “now, what’s a date?” you hear a familiar, slightly pouty voice from behind you. of course. why wouldn’t gojou appear at the worst possible time. you turn to your boyfriend, who has a shit-eating grin on his face. he’s planning something, but what? “hey ‘toru, this is my ex." you face your ex. "this is my boyfriend, gojou satoru." your ex smiles at him, blissfully unaware. "nice to meet you. we were just planning on getting some coffee soon." “oh, is that so? you’re not trying to steal my love away from me, are you?” there’s no threat in his voice, no hostility, but all the same your ex seems to pick up on his vexing energy and straightens up a little bit. “no, of course not,” they say. “hmmm, i believe you. but all the same, i could have sworn i heard talk of

a date. that reminds me love, weren’t we just finishing up on a date ourselves?” you sigh. “yes, we were.” turning to your ex, you turn back to say goodbye. that, however, is cut off by your lovely boyfriend picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder like a sack of flour. shocked, you pound your fists against his back. “gojou satoru, put me down right now.” gojou ignores you, instead sticking one hand out to shake your ex’s hand. “sorry to cut this short, but we simply must finish our date back at our place. wish i could invite you, but this is a more private activity.” he cheerfully states. mortified, you start kicking him and hitting him even harder. “ ‘toru! put me down so i can dump you right here and now!” “ahh, can’t have that now. we’d best get going so that someone learns a lesson, see you around!” with that and a quick sweep down to gather the picnic supplies, gojou carries you kicking and screaming out of the park. once outside, he puts you down. “satoru, what the absolute hell was that??? that was so embarrassing!” you cry out. “it was your idea to let me deal with that, and then you swoop in once it’s all taken care of? now they’re going to think i’m...i’m... i don’t even know what they’ll think of me, but i’m sure it won’t be positive!” “shhhh,” says gojou. “you might make a scene.” if you were mad before, well, now you’re apoplectic. “a scene???? i might make a scene?” you spit out seethingly. the entire way home, you tear into him for embarrassing you in front of your ex and an entire park full of people. finally, you get home and you drop the j-word. “and all this because you were just jealous??” now that you’ve dropped the threshold of your front door and pulled the trigger, gojou’s entire demeanor shifts. he drops the picnic supplies and picks you up again, but instead of going over his shoulder you’re now up against the wall. you instinctively wrap your arms and legs around him to keep from falling, skillfully intertwining your bodies together. his blindfold has slipped off, and now his piercing blue eyes are pouring into yours with a powerful intensity. your previous angry words slip off into the void, as you’re transfixed by the way he’s staring at you. he leans forward to rest his forehead against yours, the tips of your noses just barely touching. “yeah,” he breathes. “i got jealous. i let an ex come up to you and try to take you away, and i only sat there and watched. i knew you would never cheat on me, but i just got annoyed with myself for encouraging that. you mean too much to me to just let you be taken by someone else, so i really wanted to get you out of there as fast as possible. so, yeah, i’m sorry for embarrassing you. let me make it up to you?” it’s hard to say no in this position, but you try to hold your resolve. “satoru, you just can’t do that. promise me you’ll never do that again?” he’s still looking at you with that seriousness, so he replies “yes” with uncharacteristic sincerity. there’s nothing out of character though about the way he moves in to kiss you though, full of desire and need. you fall into a steady rhythm, a sweet push-and-pull of dominance flicking between you two. gojou suddenly takes over, and just as suddenly, he pulls away and starts carrying you to the nearest flat surface. “let me show you how much you mean to me, yeah?”

[quickspinner]

WIP Report 5/30/22

It’s been a while since I did an update on what I’m working on so even though this makes me cringe a little because it’s not super great news, here we go. 😂

Overall, the news is not so great, everything is moving slow. I haven’t been doing WIP Wednesdays and SSS as much because if I do you guys will literally be reading the chapters as their written, only choppy and out of order. I’m just not making enough big chunks of progress to have something to share every week. I’m still recovering from the issue I had in January (long story short, I had a pulmonary embolism that damaged my lungs, and while I should fully recover, it takes time to regenerate lungs and rebuild stamina, so even now months later I get tired out really easily, and the string of colds the kids have brought home haven’t really helped). Add to that summer vacation for the children and my daughter’s ongoing GI issues and all its related doctor’s appointments, I’m just short on time and both physical and emotional energy. I know, I don’t actually have to tell you all this and no one can get mad at me for real life coming first, but I like to keep you guys posted, especially when things slow down as drastically as they have of late.

Anyway, as summertime is beginning it means another set of schedule adjustments for my family, and it remains to be seen whether that will mean more time, less, or about the same. 

Indelible - This is still my first priority, and I feel like the end is in sight! At the same time, it’s grown hugely from my original concept so I could very well be wrong about that. I honestly thought it was mostly done when I started posting it but my original draft is probably only a quarter of what ended up being the final story. I hope that, after the chapter I’m currently working on, the next few bits will skip along a bit faster, but I have to look at what’s already written and see what adjustments need to be made based on how the story’s changed so far. But, we’re deep into this thing now and I’m gonna see it through one way or another.

Guard My Heart will be next up on the list because I seriously owe Mal big time for taking so long on it; I should know by now I can’t handle more than one big ongoing story at a time, so I should’ve waited to start Indelible until this one is finished (but again, I thought it was mostly done at the time, I didn’t realize I’d still be posting a year later 😅). I do have a pretty good chunk of the next chapter written, and the one after that, so I hope once I buckle down on it I can make it happen.

The Magic of You is also hanging out there taunting me, but I’m kind of letting it sit for now because I feel like I stopped it at a good place at the time, so I’m not as worried about it. I could have ended the story there and been fine, so the only reason it’s continuing is I still have ideas for it. I don’t mind if it sits for a bit.

Live With It part 2 can’t seem to make up its mind what it wants to be, and it should be so simple to finish, so I expect that one day I will get a random weekend burst of inspiration/motivation to finish it off, and who knows when it will happen. I expect to spend a lot of time in the car this summer so there should be plenty of thinky time.

Beautiful Dreams...sigh. Someday. I don’t know how it always ends up on the bottom of the list because I really love this story and want to finish it, and whenever I go read some of what I have for it I’m like *augh I love this I need to work on it some more* but we’ll get there eventually. This is the one story I would be truly heartbroken not to finish. 

So those are the major things I’m working on right now, and I usually don’t let myself get this far in the weeds on published works so I’ve really cut down on my one shots, prompt fics, sprint fics, and everything else in an attempt to dig myself out of this whole. I’m trying to ease up on that a bit; I think it’ll do me and my readers both good to break up these long efforts with some light hearted quick things. But, that’s where things stand for the moment. If you’re curious about a particular work that I didn’t mention here go ahead and drop me an ask!

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Fall of the Future Foundation: Part 2

Ok...so recap. What’ve we got so far?

*Makoto, Hajime, Kaede, Shuichi and Kuripa gather in Makoto’s office to discuss their next course of action.

Well, let’s put the public’s opinion of us aside for the moment. I don’t want to end up eating my words, but as low as their opinion of us is right now, I doubt any campaigns against us will be successful. At least for now.

Don’t go jinxing that Boss...

The biggest issue right now, and our number one priority, is finding out where Zetsubou have taken their captives.

In other words, their secret base.

Presumably.

Well, that’s easier said than done. The one device we could’ve used to track their headquarters is now at the bottom of the ocean along with the island it crashed into.

...

Shit...sorry...

No, you’re good...I wouldn’t have put it any different myself...I’m just still...trying to accept the fact that...you know...

Hajime...

It’s fine, don’t worry about me. We can sort ourselves out. Surprisingly, losing Jabberwock Island isn’t the toughest thing we’ve had to overcome.

In any case, Kuripa’s right. The satellite’s gone, and by the time we get it repaired or build a new one and launch it up, it’ll already be too late.

Which means we’re gonna have to find out another way.

There’s also the problem with the red sky. Right now, just taking a deep breath is challenging. And God forbid if it starts raining again...

What are the statistics on that?

According to the news networks and weather reports, the gas has covered every inch of Japan’s borders. Some of it’s spread to North Korea, South Korea, and Russia and China too.

And it’s still spreading. The Foundation Scientists are predicting that it will cover at least half of the Asian continent. But right now, they’re not sure if it’ll be enough to cover the whole world.

Of course not. There were several of these machines during the tragedy. Just one isn’t enough to take out the whole world.

But it’s a start, and that’s what’s most important. Zetsubou already have an advantage over us.

And how many people have been hospitalized as a result of Toxic Love?

Toxic Love?

That’s what Tsumugi called it. Operation: Toxic Love.

At least a third of the population, and that’s only in Japan. The good news is that neither the gas nor the rain seem to be lethal unless you have underlying health conditions. No one’s died from it so far.

But the chemicals in the toxins are damaging to the lungs. No one’s died from it yet, but that’s not to say they won’t.

Shuichi’s right. We need to find a way to stop the gas from spreading further, and we need to do it soon.

And...that’s not even drawing attention to the biggest issue on the plate right now.

Which is...what?

Which is making sure that Zetsubou don’t get any more successful over us.

That group of despair ridden gnats has ruined us. The public hates us, we lost our friends, the world is in turmoil, and they’re not even finished yet!

In fact, everyone in this room right now might as well be a target. They’re gunning for you three for their killing game, and no doubt Akamatsu and I are on some kind of hit list!

Yeah...No matter how you look at it, we can talk over and over again about what we’re going to do, but I don’t know if we even have the strength or manpower to do it.

And even if we did...whatever actions we take from this point on will either be interjected, or shut down entirely by the public...

You really think they’ll actively work against us like that?

The general public have always had the final say in the way the country is run in the modern era. If they wanted to cast the FF out, they could do it if enough people jumped on the bandwagon. The only reason they haven’t is because a lot of people still think the Organization is necessary.

It doesn’t help that half of the Foundation’s main staff are comprised of reformed terrorists.

Look, I don’t mean to give a reality check or anything, but right now, we need to change our current situation. Not only I are we in a tight spot, but we’re in a lot of danger.

We already probably have public figures banging on this facility’s gates, demanding to see us and expecting an apology. If Organization Zetsubou attack us now, or within the next few days, what the hell are we gonna do?

Our best men and women are injured and unable to fight well because of all three incidents and Operation: Toxic Love. Not only that, but the people hounding the doors will be in serious danger. If THEY get hurt?

The publics poor opinion of us will exponentially increase. We might even be forced to shut the FF down forever.

This is all our fault anyway. We made fools of ourselves. Have been ever since the UUV incident.

All in all, Zetsubou might be outnumbered, but they’re FAR from outmatched. Osone, Tsuchiya, Otonokoji, Komaeda, Gyalusetsu...If all of them attack us at once...With the state we’re currently in...I’m not sure we can win...

Really...?

Going back to their hideaway, the big advantage Zetsubou have over us is this: We don’t know where to find them...but they ALWAYS know where to find us.

As long as the Future Foundation stands, and with the current state of affairs ongoing, every action that the FF makes WILL be reported. All they’ve gotta do is read a fucking newspaper and they can know our every move!

But even so, what can we do!? We can’t just DISBAND the Future Foundation! The world might be against us, but I’d like to think it still needs us!

...!

...!!!?

*A lightbulb suddenly goes off in Makoto’s head.

Hajime! That’s it!

Huh!? What? Why are you shouting?

Because you’ve given me an idea! That’s EXACTLY what we’ll do!

We’ll DISBAND the Future Foundation!

WHAAAAAT!!!???

*Everyone exclaims this at the same time, jumping to their feet.

Uh...Boss? The rain isn’t making you delirious, is it?

Did...you get hit on the head when you fell off the truck?

What? No! I-!

Someone I knew had a pretty nasty head injury when they fell of their bike. They were in the hospital and gained a strange habit of randomly rotating their head around and going “WoaahhWOOAAHwoaah!”

Yikes...that sounds rough...

Sorry Makoto but...you lost me completely...

I told him to stop drinking that Red Bull shit.

Nononono I’m not high on Red Bull or anything, you’re not following me here!

Think about it this way. As long as the FF continues to stand, all our actions will be reported in newspapers, like Kuripa just said.

Furthermore, considering our failings, the public’s opinion of us is at an all time low right now. We’re one step away from getting...let’s say “cancelled” completely. The Government might even be forced to cut our funding.

And of course, we’re in a tough spot in terms of our physical and medical status too. Like mentioned, our best fighters are currently injured.

But...what if we made an announcement to the public and the officials, that we’re going to be cutting down on staff, and sending a whole chunk of people their separate ways?

You’re saying we should lay most of our staff off? That just weakens us further?

In the world’s eyes, yes, but in reality, no, it doesn’t! It gives us a multitude of opportunities!

Huh? How so?

If we announce that the Future Foundation is entering a state of temporary disbandment, it achieves the following.

First, it means that our actions from this point are as separate groups, and NOT associated with the Foundation, which means that if we’re careful, we can avoid news networks and social media, which means Zetsubou won’t be able to keep track of us as a consistent force.

Secondly, this action will appeal to the angry public. Many are vouching for members of the FF to be laid off, so if we give them what they want, that’ll get us on their side a little. Not only that, but if Zetsubou attack again, or make any further moves, and the FF isn’t around to stop them, it’ll hopefully make them realize just how important we are to them, and they’ll be calling out for our return.

Third and finally, it means we can split the remaining Killing Game Survivors, as well as a lot of our members, up into groups, which makes it harder for Zetsubou to track us all down as a collective. Like you guys said earlier, if Zetsubou attack us now while all their targets are in the same spot, it’d be over just like that...But if we split up without any information as to where each group is going, it not only makes it harder for them to find us, but it also gives us enough time to recover from the damages dealt on us today, and strike back.

You see? It’s all part of playing the waiting game.

You know...

That strategy...It might actually WORK!

That’s surprisingly devious of you Boss! Making the public realize what they have only after they lose it! I’m super proud of you!

But there’s a lot of risks involved in it. Presumably, when you mean we’ll be splitting apart and laying people off, you mean that the priority would be hiding away survivors of the Killing Games, like you, me and Hajime, right?

But the three of us are branch chief’s, as are Hina and Mrs Kyoko as the Chairwoman. If the Future Foundation relieves itself of people like them, the leaders of their individual branches, then this risks not being a temporary disbandment. The group risks collapse entirely.

Yeah...in addition, Fuyuhiko, Komaru and Seiko are already long gone. Plus, Kazuichi was the Acting Branch Chief of Sonia’s branch when she and Gundham were busy in Novoselic. Can we really manage to be this understaffed and still have a chance if Zetsubou attack?

Huh? Why would Zetsubou attack?

What? Because-

Because they’re after the Survivors of the Killing Games, none of whom would be HERE if we go through with this. They COULD launch an attack on the main building, but it achieves literally nothing towards their end goal. Right?

I get that they’re a bunch of Despair induced terrorists, and I wouldn’t put it past them to attack this place just for the hell of it...But Shirogane seems very particular and determined to host this Killing Game. She wants to get it done as efficiently as possible. She has no reason, nor TIME, to attack any Foundation facility’s that DON’T have any of the 12 remaining targets in it.

That is...a good point...

Then...will this actually work?

I’ll admit, this plan is far from perfect, and I’m sure there are other things that we could do, but right now, we need to make whatever desperate plays we can.

All in all, this is just an elaborate strategy to let Zetsubou’s targets easily go into hiding, away from the public and media, so they can keep a low profile until Zetsubou is dealt with.

Consider me sold. I don’t have any other ideas.

Yeah. I think going into hiding would be good. Even if there’s an elaborate method of doing so.

I do think you’re going to need to get the remaining Branch Chief’s approval on this though. As well as the Chairwoman’s. But...I guess I’m ok with it for now. If it works, this could be the break we need.

Funny you should mention that. I had intended to meet with the Chairwoman after we were done. I have a lot I need to say to her.

Then...good luck. I don’t know how I feel about this but...if it can keep us safe...

We don’t have an awful lot of choice left...

[fangirl-ramblings]

Pairing: Arthur x gn!reader

Characters: Reader, Simon Pearson, Mary Linton, Arthur Morgan

Word count: 3306

Summary: You and Arthur have recently made your relationship official by moving into his tent...but is he really into you...or is he still holding onto his past?

Notes: SFW, Angst leading to fluff

After requesting several wonderful stories from one of my favourite writers and people, I was super honoured to have the chance to be able to write something for the super talented and lovely @littlestarofthewest -  Merry Christmas from your secret santa 😘😘

Also a huge thank you to @horsegirl1h (who helped me plot this out) @verai-marcel (for wrangling in all my stupid grammatical mistakes) & @mileycyprus-hill who took a quick look over this and gave me a much better character note on how to improve Arthur's feelings in this story and give me a far better title I could ever think of myself. Thank you all 😘

~* Tumblr Masterlist | Stories on AO3 *~

The First Shall Be Forgotten

You slowly opened your eyes, only to find the cot next to you still empty. It was fairly late when you'd finally taken yourself off to bed last night, but you had found yourself unable to keep your eyes open as you'd sat around the scout fire. Your hope of Arthur riding back into camp and joining you in lying down for the night had turned into a wishful dream of waking up with his strong arms wrapped around you, but it turns out it was just that - merely a pleasant dream. 

It was only a few months since you'd started dating, with most of that time spent being inseparable, but lately you noticed that Arthur was staying away from camp longer and longer. Yes - the events of Blackwater had changed the gang's luck and the likes of Dutch and Strauss kept giving Arthur more and more tasks to do, but you'd felt like that most of these jobs could be done well before nightfall. Surely Arthur wasn't avoiding you because he was bored of you already….could he?

You sat upright, shaking your head free of any more of those nasty thoughts, quickly making the decision that you should get dressed and help out around camp before Miss Grimshaw marched over to berate you for wasting so much time idling about.

There was a chill floating in the air this morning in camp and so you found yourself shivering as you looked around for your light jacket. Opening your shared trunk, you proceeded to pile a mixture of both yours and Arthur's clothes on to the cot in your quest to find your missing coat. Though you soon found yourself distracted as you lifted one of Arthur's shirts up, tutting to yourself as you saw just how worn and dirt stained they all were. You swore that that man would wear these offending items until they fell apart on him...and some were close to doing so, judging by how often they'd been patched up.

   "Ah, there you are," Pearson's cheerful voice booming from behind you, making you jump out of your skin, "I need a helping hand gathering supplies in town and was wondering if you could come along with me for the ride"

   "Me? Surely there's someone more capable about?" Although Valentine was only a short ride away, the idea of being Mr. Pearson's captive audience for that short length of time was not high on your list of priorities for the day. 

   "Well, I don't know if you noticed but we are stretched a little thin on the ground right now," his hands gesturing to the almost empty camp area in front of you, "Mr. Smith & Mr. Escuella are yet to return from Blackwater with young Sean and, as you well know, Mr. Morgan is still yet to return from wherever he has took himself off to. As for the girls..." you tried to stifle a chuckle as he trailed off to glance nervously over at where Tilly, Mary-Beth and Karen were currently sitting at their wagon, making sure they couldn't hear this conversation, "...I'd rather not ask them. Uncle told me of the trouble they got up to on their last visit into Valentine."

You couldn't help but burst out laughing at Pearson's fear of trying to keep three excited young women from creating chaos. "Sorry, sorry," you apologised, wiping your eyes as he looked at you with confusion, "Well...since you have no other options, I'll join you. I've been wanting to pick Arthur up a new shirt anyways." Spotting your jacket at the bottom of the truck, you quickly threw it on, leaving all the other clothes heaped on the bed, "Shall we go now then?"

"Goddamit, why does there have to be a train in the station?" you grumbled as Pearson pulled the horses to a stop at the crossing, which was blocked by one of the carriages belonging to the offending train. After being waylaid by the shop boy slowly loading the wagon with all the goods Pearson had chosen for camp - not that any of these ingredients would do much to improve his cooking, you cruelly thought to yourself - your head was starting to ache from listening to Pearson's constant tall tales. All you had wanted to do was get back to camp and sleep off your headache, but that didn't seem to be happening anytime soon, thanks to this stupid train.

   "I know what you mean, I was hoping to get back and make a start on preparing supper," Pearson sighed before suddenly cheering up, "But, hey, at least it gives me more time to tell you about my time at sea. There was this other time..."

Internally, you found yourself groaning, trying to zone out the older man as he recounted yet another story, that this time seemed to involve him somehow, inexplicably fighting a walrus -  single-handedly -  to save his crew.

You glanced around, finding yourself admiring all the different horses hitched up around the station...until a familiar sight caught your eye.

   "Hey isn't that Brutus?" you interrupted Pearson mid-sentence, gesturing towards the big, black Shire horse that Hosea had gifted Arthur a few weeks ago. Arthur had rarely named his horses after losing his beloved Boudicca in Blackwater and was more than content to just refer to this one as "Boy", but after overhearing Hosea called this giant a brute, you'd jokingly suggested the name Brutus, a name that had tickled Arthur and agreed it was the perfect name for this beast.

Put out a little by the fact you had rudely interrupted him just as the story was getting good, Pearson grudgingly glanced over to the direction in which you were pointing.

   "Er, it does look like it. So anyway after I killed the Walrus with nothing but my bare hands…" 

   'So this is where you've gotten to Morgan,' you thought to yourself, once again not listening to Pearson's story. 'Here's hoping you're on your way home too.'

Smiling to yourself that your lover would hopefully be by your side once more, you absent-mindedly found yourself scanning the crowd of people that was starting to thin out as they slowly stepped onto the carriages...until you saw him standing with his back to you.

A smile started to creep over your face as you recognised Arthur's dirty blond hair, broad frame and filthy blue shirt. Just the fact you could see how dirty it was from this distance made you glad that you'd made the decision to buy him a new one now, as that one needed throwing out, never mind a good wash. Anybody would think that man spent most of his time rolling around in the mud than riding a horse around.

With his hands on his gun belt, he shifted his weight to one side and the smile on your face was replaced with a look of confusion as a young lady was revealed to be standing next to him, deep in an intimate conversation.

Unconsciously scowling at her, you were unable to shake the feeling that you've seen her somewhere before, but for the life of you, you couldn't quite place where.

You squinted your eyes to try and focus your vision on her delicate features before a feeling of rage bubbled up from your stomach as she kissed Arthur's cheek, in a way that suggested more than just friendship.

"And I'll tell you - I used that walrus meat to feed a crew of 50...and not one of them complained the way you and the rest of camp do about my cooking" Pearson waffled on down your ear, distracting you from your thoughts about this mysterious woman and how you wanted to jump down and throttle her. Instead you suddenly had the urge to wrap your hands around the cook's neck. 

Turning to face him, you barked, "Maybe being at sea for weeks at end with no food makes people more appreciative of the slop you always manage to serve up - no matter the ingredients." 

You instantly felt regret as the words left your mouth and you saw the hurt in the older man's eyes.

   "Christ, I'm sorry Mr. Pearson. I didn’t mean to take it out on you..." You paused, thinking about telling him about what you just saw, but you doubted this old sea dog would give a damn about your love life and so explained "I just have a real bad headache and it's put me in a bad mood."

He nodded softly and turned away so you wouldn't see him wipe the sting of the tears from his eyes.

Feeling guilty from the hurt you just caused, you looked away to the source of your own pain, only to find Arthur had disappeared from the platform and the train was now pulling out the station. Had he gotten on board with his mystery woman? Gone off to start a new life with her and left you and the outlaw life behind him? These thoughts rattled around your head as Pearson told the horses to giddy up and the pair of you headed back to camp in an awkward silence.

Jumping down from the wagon, you helped Pearson unload the wagon - still with an uneasy tension in the air, before you tried to broker the peace between you both by offering to help prepare the next meal as a peace offering.

   "No, it's quite okay," Pearson patted you shoulder to show there was no hard feelings, "You go sleep off that sore head of yours"

You nodded appreciatively, finding yourself thanking him and apologising once more as you picked up the wrapped parcel containing Arthur's new shirt, and headed back to your tent. 

As you walked over, you rolled your eyes in annoyance at yourself as you caught sight of the mess you'd left behind this morning. Picking the mountain of clothes up, you threw them in straight at the trunk at the end of the cot, surprising yourself as you heard a loud clatter of something hitting the side of the chest and then dropping onto the floor.

Peering over, you saw that a few shirts and a pair of trousers had missed their target and were now scattered over the floor... alongside a wooden photoframe, laying face down on the ground, that definitely wasn't there before.

Picking it up, you recognised the image of a younger, but still very handsome version of Arthur standing on the left.

'You've always been a good-looking bastard haven't you?' half smiling as you took in his handsome features, 'No wonder you have a long list of admirers to spend all your time instead of me.'

Well before you and Arthur had started dating, you had seen this photograph before. You recalled picking it up from his bedside table back then too, in order to get a closer look of how attractive Arthur's always been.

But sometime between then and making your relationship official, Arthur must have removed it and hidden it out of sight from you. Just as you were about to ask yourself why, you spotted who else was in the picture.

   'No…no it can't be,' you thought to yourself as you stared at the beautiful, dark haired woman standing next to him in the image. But, as much as you didn’t want it to be, it certainly was. Looking straight back at you was a younger version of the same woman from the train station…the same woman who had ripped Arthur's heart out and tore it into a million pieces all those years ago when she called off their engagement - Mary.

Time seemed to slow down as your mind went into overdrive. Did he simply remove the picture as a thoughtful gesture so you wouldn't wake up to a younger Arthur and his ex-fiancee looking at you…or did he hide it because he still loved her and her alone? Were you just a stopgap - something to fill the emptiness in his heart until she came back to him? Is that the real reason Arthur had hidden the picture and not gotten rid of it completely? So once he had managed to win her back, he could toss you aside and place it once more on his bedside to stare lovingly at while he held her in his arms?

You hadn’t realise you were crying or just how hard you were gripping the frame until you heard the sudden sound of glass cracking and a mix of your blood and tears began to streak all over her stupid, perfect face. Standing frozen to the spot, you stared and stared at her image, slowly disappearing under the physical manifestations of your hurt and betrayal, until you heard Arthur bellow out your name as he rode back into camp.

   "Hey you. Boy, did I sure miss you while I was gone," he cheerfully greeted you as he strode towards you, "I tell you, there's some strange sights out there that I've been dyin' to tell you all 'bout."

   "Tell me?" you snarled, acting the wounded animal you currently felt like, "Don't you have other people you'd rather spend your time with?"

   "What? What's got into you?" 

Your heart panged as you saw the hurt cross his face as he saw how upset you were. 

"Listen, if this 'bout me spendin' so much time from camp recently, then I am sorry - but I did miss you somethin' fierce y'know" he assured you, placing his arms around your waist.

   "Just like you've missed Mary for all these years?" Just saying her name out loud felt like you had tasted venom on your lips and needed to quickly spit it out.

"Mary? Where's all this comin' from?" He flustered, averting his eyes downwards as not to meet your steely gaze. Upon seeing you holding the photograph, he exclaimed, "Christ alive, you're bleedin'. Here lemme fix you up."

"I'm fine," you snapped at him, pulling your hand away from his gentle touch. Any other time, this small act of affection - the big mean outlaw gently cradling your hand in his - would have made you melt on the spot, but today your inner rage wasn't having any of it. Instead you blurted out, "I saw you. At the train station…with her."

Realising he had been caught out and couldn't bluff his way out of this sorry mess, he sat down on the cot and tried to explain.

   "Okay, yeah, I was at the train station with her, but it really ain't what you think…"

   "I saw her kiss you."

  "You mean when she kissed my cheek? That was her sayin' goodbye. Her and her brother are headin' back East to find their father."

You sat next to him, the photograph still in your hands.

   "Still doesn't explain why you were with her in the first place."

   "No it doesn't, does it." He sighed, running his hand down his face. "I was on my way back to camp, ridin' through Valentine when I thought I'd check and see if there was any post. Lo' and behold there was just the one - a letter from Mary askin' if I could help with a small problem of hers."

   "So you must have been in contact with her if she knew you were in town."

He shook his head. "No. No, she'd recognised the girls after their last trip into town and wrote to me on the off-chance I was also in the area."

   "Why?"

"Her kid brother, Jamie, he'd gone and got himself mixed up in this weird cult up in Cumberland Forest. Christ, you shoulda seen them all listenin' on as this lunatic spouted some nonsense about turtles or somethin'," laughing, he patted his leg until he saw your stony expression still waiting for the answer to your question.

   "Get to the point please, Arthur."

   "You're right, sorry," he said as he nodded, "Jamie was the only one in her family who stood up for me and I owed it to *him*, not Mary, him -  to help get him away from those crazy fools."

You fidgeted slightly next to him. You wanted to believe him, but he seemed to be avoiding the main topic of conversation.

   "So say I believe you about your reasonings for helping her…why did you keep a picture of her?"

Silence filled the air for a second before he simply answered. "I shoved it in there so you wouldn't have to keep lookin' at it when we lay together...and I guess I forgot all 'bout it."

You looked away as more tears fell down your cheeks. Gently placing his hand under your chin, Arthur turned your face to face his, looking deep into your eyes he told you, 

   "You’re overthinking – I’m yours. That’s all I want to be.”

   "Prove it." You pleaded.

   "Okay then...this should show you she's nothin' to me now." He took the broken frame from your grasp and carefully removed the picture from the frame, lingering for a moment before crumpling it up in his hand and walking towards the campfire.

Though his stride was purposeful, you couldn't help but feel he faltered once more as he looked at the flames, but those fears disappeared as he turned to look back at you with a warmth in his eyes and a smile stretching wide across his face. Looking straight at you, his hand opened and the picture fell into the flames, where it lay for a few moments as it slowly rendered into nothing but a pile of ashes.

Making his way back over to you, he picked you up and spun you around his arms.

   "I'm all yours...are you mine?"

Bonus scene: Arthur's POV

He slowly removed the picture from the frame, partly being careful not to cut himself on broken shards of glass and partly because he wanted to make sure he was making the right decision. He was convinced that after Mary called it all off between them, he'd never smile, let alone love again. But then you'd walked into his life and brought light back into the darkness he'd found himself in.

But maybe there was a reason he'd held on to this photograph for all this time - a reminder of the good times that existed between them. Heartbreak has a funny way of erasing those memories, but seeing the woman you once considered the love of your life in person has an equally funny way of making those feelings rush back.

But no, the heartache he'd felt for all these years outweighed the fleeting moments of happiness he'd felt with Mary. And that kiss on the cheek to say goodbye that she'd given him at the train station? It certainly didn't give him butterflies like it used too. Looking at her image one last time, he crumpled it up and walked over to the campfire.

Though he had confidently strode over to flames, he once more had doubts he was right to finally let Mary go. Turning to face you, everything suddenly became very clear in Arthur's mind. Everything he ever wanted: someone who loved the group of people he considered family, as well as loving him for the man he was - despite his faults, someone who was willing to stick with him through thick and thin, make him laugh when he was down, and never fail to make him smile, that special someone he wanted to grow old with with...he already had that with you.

Without thinking, he opened his hand and let the battered photograph waft downwards, enveloped by the flames and turning to nothingness as he made his way back over to you, picking you up and spinning you around his arms.

   "I'm all yours...are you mine?"

[gumnut-logic]

Callisto (Part 9 - Retreat)

Prologue 1. Incident - Bit 1 | Bit 2 2. Fallout - Bit 1 | Bit 2 | Bit 3 3. Voyage - Bit 1 | Bit 2 | Bit 3 4. Arrival - Bit 1 | Bit 2 5. Orientation 6. Rescue Site 7. Investigation 8. Recovery 9. Retreat

And I clocked over 5000 words on this chapter, too. Oops. Lots of John one-on-one with both Virgil and Scott. Including a bit of mild whump which I quite enjoyed :D

As always, many thanks to @janetm74​ @tsarinatorment​ @vegetacide​ @scribbles97​ and @onereyofstarlight​ for all their amazing help and support. you guys rock :D

And thank you to all of you who commented and liked last week’s chapter. It all means so much to me. Thank you sooo much for your support with this crazy endeavour ::hugs::

I hope you enjoy this chapter.

-o-o-o-

They dug the pod out of the ice, Lee and Alan tackling it while Virgil assessed Four.

Virgil was exhausted and worried. And shaky if he wanted to admit it, which he didn’t.

Ice echoed in the back of his mind where he refused to acknowledge it.

Eos kept them updated on the now quiescent water levels. There were no more reported seismic incidents. Everything was as quiet as it was before.

Except now the sparkle of crystal was far more sinister.

Virgil would be so much happier being not here.

He managed to activate the functional hoverjets on Four and with some heavy lifter muscles on the end of the appropriate toolset, he was able to relocate some of them to areas on Four’s hull that needed the support. He unwedged her roof from the rock wall, tipped her onto her belly, and, climbing inside, managed to get her moving in a stuttering echo of her usual smooth and darting operation.

The cockpit was partially crumpled on one side. Some hasty oxygen-assisted welding secured part of Gordon’s pilot’s chair back into place. Not perfect but it would do the job for now. It would not be the most comfortable ride.

“Virgil, what are you doing?” John’s voice was exasperated.

“What does it look like?” He had zero patience and just wanted to get his brother’s ‘bird back to Three so she could ultimately be taken home. There was no way he was leaving her here any more than he would have left her at the bottom of the ocean.

“Virgil, you shouldn’t be flying. I’ll take her.”

“I’m fine. Let’s just get this done.” Then he could check on his brothers.

The cave glittered at him through mangled viewports. It was still beautiful, but he no longer trusted it. He wanted out. “Have you recovered the pod yet?”

“Clearing the last of it now.” An indrawn breath. “Virgil-“

“Is it functional?”

An abrupt silence at the other end of his comms sketched out the thinned lips and frown John was no doubt sporting. “There appears to be minimal damage.”

“I’ll meet you in the Dry Cavern. I’ll need help to get Four out.”

Ignoring John’s protests, Virgil pushed the injured sub past the still partially iced in dragonfly and down the kilometre long tunnel to the exit cave.

Reaching the floor of the dry expanse ahead of his brother and uncle gave him a moment to himself. He sat back in the remains of Gordon’s pilot’s chair and closed his eyes.

It was so tempting to just let go, to give in to the phantoms teasing at the edge of his mind. But he couldn’t afford a breakdown right now. Scott was injured and their brothers were depending on him.

He had to keep control.

If only his head would stop hurting.

His eyes did not want to open again.

Consequently, it took John calling his name to ‘wake’ him.

Virgil startled to find both his astronaut brother and Uncle Lee glaring at him through the remains of the marine acrylic in Four’s viewports.

“Virgil?”

“What?”

“Are you okay?”

“I was just resting my eyes.”

John’s lips now appeared to be permanently thinned...and about to call him on his bullshit.

Virgil didn’t let him. “Hook up a tow line. We need to get Four above ground.”

His space brother did not stop glaring, but at least he decided that towing Virgil was better than arguing further.

They could meet half way.

Uncle Lee, sparing Virgil a worried glance or two, secured the line as Virgil sat and watched - an odd sensation since usually he would be the one out there doing what needed to be done. Perhaps it was a sign of exactly how gone he actually was.

Get Four to Three.

Get his brother and Uncle back to the Base.

Check on Scott and Gordon.

He was clinging to his list of goals and he knew it, but the alternative was very unproductive.

He startled again as John signalled his readiness. The dragonfly gently tugged on the line as it lifted smoothly off the ground.

Virgil shook himself and activated the hoverjets best to assist with the tow and then he was airborne. They coasted the long mole-made tunnel, took a sharp turn and climbing the vertical drop made by Three, shot into the open.

Jupiter glared balefully out of the darkness.

From there it was a blur of ‘Virgil, stay there’ and Four being hoisted into the huge, red spacecraft, the close of her hatch and the blessed familiarity of Alan’s ‘bird.

Virgil climbed slowly out of Four as John and Uncle Lee stowed the dragonfly, and clambered to the ladder that would take him to her cockpit. It was likely a further sign of his exhaustion that he had to think which way Three was currently situated. She was nose down, which meant he had to climb down.

The ladder looked like it stretched on forever and a rogue part of his mind pondered exactly how hard he would hit bottom if he just jumped.

He was ever so tired, but he couldn’t stay here, so he forced one foot after the other and began the descent.

Halfway down dizziness hit him again.

It was all he could do to cling to the ladder to prevent himself from falling.

And this time it didn’t go away.

“Virgil!” John’s voice was like a beacon in the darkness of a roiling stomach and a pounding head. Virgil had his eyes clenched shut.

The clatter of boots on rungs, hands caught him under his arms and he was being urged to continue down. “C’mon, not far to go.” John’s voice was ever so soft in his helmet. Gentle. Reassuring.

Virgil took that first crucial step and let himself drop another controlled step while mentally clinging to his stomach.

The dizziness disappeared.

Oh god.

The relief almost had him letting go of the ladder, but strong arms held him and continued to guide him down step by step. His stomach protested the entire way as if this bout of dizziness was the last straw.

John helped him through the main hatch and, from there, Virgil flung off his helmet and stumbled to the facilities.

Fortunately, there was very little in his stomach to expel, but that didn’t stop it from spasming repeatedly.

Low gravity environments sucked.

This would have been the perfect opportunity to curl up in a ball of misery on the bathroom floor, but space bathrooms sucked as much as space itself.

It became very clear that his head and body had had enough and if it wasn’t for John he probably would have fallen to that floor anyway.

“Virgil.” His brother caught him gently, drawing his head to his shoulder. Virgil didn’t have the energy to resist. “You are going to the infirmary.”

“John-“ But his head throbbed and he clenched his eyes shut in pain.

“No arguments.” In the light gravity, John lifted Virgil up and, leaving the bathroom, carried him down the corridor towards Three’s tiny infirmary.

“John-“ This was a first. Virgil usually did the carrying. The thought bounced through his aching head. But before he knew it, he was being strapped into a soft bed.

Opening his eyes would involve more than he had.

Yellow light flickered over his eyelids. Machinery beeped as John mumbled something, possibly into his comms, but Virgil had nothing left. The phantoms swooped in and the ice swallowed him whole.

-o-o-o-

John was used to worrying about his brothers. So often he was so far away when they were in peril. But as Virgil’s hand fell limp in his, John’s heart clenched.

Both of them had been running on adrenalin. He had watched as Virgil performed as he always did when needed despite being ill.

Many times John had listened to his brothers over comms, their voices strained by what they had seen and experienced. Hell, this wasn’t John’s first rodeo, he knew what it sometimes took on a rescue.

He’d done it himself.

That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt when it happened again.

The medscanner flickered over his brother casting his pale skin in an even sicklier shade.

Stress factors were flagged. Virgil’s heartrate was up and his blood pressure was far from happy. But there was no injury.

John frowned. Virgil had been unconscious at least part of the time he was buried in the ice. He was obviously unwell and was showing all the signs of a head injury.

But there was none.

He poked the scanner as if he could drag further information out of it.

But no, it reported Virgil as stressed, tired, possibly exhausted, but there was no explanation for the symptoms he was displaying apart from some tightening of the blood vessels in his brother’s brain. Classic sign of a headache.

“John, all vehicles are stowed. You wanna drive?” Uncle Lee’s voice over comms snapped him out of staring at his brother’s medical readouts.

Virgil was asleep, restless, but asleep. He was safe for the moment. Perhaps it was just exhaustion. His brothers were well known for pushing it too far.

Perhaps it was psychological. It would be fair considering his history with ice.

But it still didn’t quite add up and it gnawed at him. He had seen his big brother tackle this issue before. It still didn’t quite sit right.

But now the priority was to get Virgil back to his brothers, and reunite with Scott, Gordon, Alan and their father.

John double-checked the patient was secure and deployed the bed pivot that would support him when the ship flipped in flight.

“FAB, Uncle Lee.” He said the words at almost the same time he entered the cockpit.

It was strange to be here without Alan. It had been a long time since Three had been his ‘bird. Even then it hadn’t really been his. It had been Dad’s and then Alan’s. John had only been her pilot out of necessity.

Sliding into the pilot’s seat, all his reflexes shifted to the needs of the Thunderbird. Pre-flight was worked through at speed, Uncle Lee providing the input needed.

Eos chimed in with clearance for their flightpath.

Callisto Base acknowledged they would be arriving in minutes.

John fired her thrusters and launched Three into the thin atmosphere of Callisto, pivoting her mid-air and taking off in a southerly direction.

The trip was very short, barely worth igniting her engines, but honestly, John was grateful.

Three hovered in the massive airlock once again and it grated on John’s need for speed. The equations that listed the reasons why those doors were so ponderous gave him plenty of explanation, but he had no patience for physics at the moment.

Landing Three was like exhaling in relief.

Their father met them on the gantry. John towed Virgil out of Three on the bed he was still sleeping on, hoverjets keeping him level and secure. The fact he had not woken despite launch and landing was just a further sign of his brother’s exhaustion.

Uncle Lee followed them out without a word.

If John was irrationally grateful for his father’s hand landing on his shoulder, he wasn’t going to examine it too closely.

Concerned grey eyes stared down at Virgil...

“He’s sleeping, Dad. Exhaustion appears to be the culprit.” His father looked up at him and John swallowed. “That’s all I could find.”

A nod and they hurried Virgil off to the Base medical centre.

Grae had set aside a part of the small facility with enough beds to support the injured Tracy brothers. John, Virgil and their father entered in the middle of an argument.

“I’m not going up to Five! It’s a broken arm, Scott, that’s all.” Gordon’s expression was furious. He was sitting up in bed, his arm in a plastic cast. It was obvious Gordon wasn’t well. There was no spark about him. The impression was grey where there was usually sun.

Scott’s response was appropriate. “It’s enough! You are off rescues until it is healed. You know that is the rule. Health first!” Their eldest brother was sitting in a chair beside the Fish’s bed. A bed behind him had mussed covers and was obviously where he was supposed to be.

It was ever so typical that he wasn’t.

Either way, John took some comfort in finding both brothers conscious despite their injuries.

Of course, that meant yelling.

“We’re in space!”

“You’re not crucial to this mission!”

“It’s underwater! I call that crucial!”

“Gordon-“

“Scott-“

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!”

Their father’s voice cut across the yelling enough to disturb Virgil who groaned in his sleep and attempted to roll over. The groan turned into a whimper and his brow crumpled.

That shut everyone up.

Scott tried to stand and move to his prone brother’s side, but wavered. Alan who had been sitting wide-eyed next to him, hurried to steady his big brother.

John touched a finger to Virgil’s cheek and murmured soft words of reassurance. The unconscious engineer leant into his hand, eyes still closed, and settled back into his uneasy sleep.

Alan was trying to wrestle Scott back to bed with little success, until their father strode over and made some silent but very firm gestures in the direction of the empty bed.

Scott wilted in Alan’s grip and did as he was told.

But his eyes did not leave Virgil or Gordon alone, darting worriedly between them.

John docked the hover stretcher into place beside Gordon. His positioning was purposeful, giving Scott both brothers at one glance and no doubt allowing his eldest brother the chance to at least relax a little with both of them in sight.

Gordon’s eyes tracked Virgil as John draped a blanket over his sleeping brother.

“What happened?” Gordon’s voice was ever so quiet.

“Ice and exhaustion. He needs rest.” A pointed eyebrow. “You all do.”

John did, too, weariness suddenly hitting him. Such a mad scramble to get to his brothers, get them out of the ice.

“I think perhaps you should sit down, space bro.” Gordon never missed a thing. Those carnelian eyes saw everything. It was what he did with the information that mattered, though.

“John?” A worried pair of foggy blue eyes had targeted him now. Well, that sealed it.

Sure enough, their father turned around and wordlessly led him to a chair. “Sit down, son. They’re all safe now.”

There was a hitch in the man’s voice that had John questioning if he was saying it to reassure himself as much as others.

Regardless, the words had the tension in John’s muscles suddenly relaxing and he found himself shaking just a little.

The mechanics of mild shock sprang to mind and he was disgusted with himself.

A blanket wrapped around his shoulders and his father’s hands squeezed his arm gently.

There was silence in the room for a while. Dad found Uncle Lee a seat and John was ashamed to realise he had forgotten the man existed for a moment there. Perhaps he was as tired as Virgil. Sleep was a long time ago.

A Base doctor came in and confirmed John’s analysis of Virgil’s condition and quietly updated them on both Scott’s and Gordon’s status - all of which IR equipment had already revealed. Perhaps with the exception of Scott’s concussion that while still had him a little wobbly, seemed to have found some healing in whatever sleep his big brother had managed since being yanked out of the ice.

And there was the source of John’s heartrate. Pulling brothers out of the ice had been terrifying. Flashbacks to images sprouted by the news reports all those years ago regarding their mother. Scott’s desperate attempt to hide the reality from his younger siblings, but failing due to the determination of irresponsible media.

John closed his eyes.

-o-o-o-

“What do we do now?” Grae’s eyes were pleading and Jeff wished he had a good answer for him.

He had left the infirmary knowing his friend would be frantic.

Hell, Jeff was a little frantic himself. Berry and Ju were still missing. They only had readings on two out of five missing life signs. They didn’t even know who those life signs belonged to.

“We wait.”

“Jeff, they could be dying!”

“Both life signs are strong. I know it is not the best, but we don’t have a choice. We have to wait.”

“Why? You have the equipment. You, Lee, two of your boys are fine. Hell, I’ll come with you. This is Ju we are talking about!”

Jeff straightened. “I know who we are talking about, Graeme. But the first rule of a rescue is to make sure the rescuers are safe enough to do their jobs and for the moment, I am not willing to send anyone into that cave until we work out what the hell happened!”

“Seismic anomaly. You told me yourself.”

“John is not satisfied with that assessment.”

“Why not?”

“He needs further information.”

“Then let’s go down there and get it.”

“John is working on it.”

“John is sleeping!”

Jeff’s lips tightened and he took a step closer to his old friend. “My sons were nearly killed. I am aware that this is an urgent situation, Graeme. I know what is at stake. But there will be no gain in putting anyone in further danger until we know what we are dealing with.”

A silent hand wrapped around Jeff’s arm and tugged him backwards gently.

Lee.

Jeff had known he was there and old patterns were obviously still in place.

It was reassuring.

He understood Grae’s feelings. Hell, he shared them. But his boys were hurting and, if he was honest, they had terrified him. Seeing first Scott and then Virgil entombed in ice had ripped scabs off memories from so long ago as much as tempting new horrors.

But above and beyond it all, there was something very strange about this situation. Something was off. Everything that made him the astronaut he was, was screaming alarm bells. So, while he could gather Lee, John and Alan and go down there himself, he wasn’t.

Because he trusted his sons and John said no.

Jeff couldn’t help but agree with him.

They needed further information and Eos was working hard to deploy enough probes and up the sensory reach to delve underground and veto that interference. And while John had protested - all of them had protested, except Virgil who had already been asleep - this had been an opportunity to try and get some rest.

Grae sagged where he stood, all signs of the Base commander falling away. “She’s my wife, Jeff.”

Voice ever so quiet. “Believe me, I understand.” He caught his friend’s eyes with his own. “I do.”

Grae stared at him a moment before uttering a wounded sound and turning away. Jeff watched his back as he strode out of the infirmary.

Lee’s hand squeezed gently, but Jeff still stared at the door.

-o-o-o-

John wasn’t sleep. Honestly, he tried. Their father had corralled two more beds into the room with his injured brothers and both Alan and John had been sequestered there. He appreciated it, he did.

But he couldn’t sleep.

And it wasn’t Virgil’s snoring.

He kept running scenarios over in his head. Building and dismissing equations that could explain the liquid water in the cavern and coming up with nothing.

Liquid water demanded the existence of energy to keep it that way, likely with a heat source. Gordon had mentioned a temperature increase before the wave hit.

John’s fingers itched for his information sources on Five.

He was still wearing his suit. He had slept in it often enough not to care. But he had removed his helmet. The infirmary had its own air circulation system separate from the rest of the Base and, really, with his brother’s injuries, they hadn’t had a choice but to break the seals on their suits.

The upside was that he could squirrel under his covers and access his wrist comm and Eos.

His daughter was sending perplexed emojis at him because he had requested text only.

Her use of repeating gifs had the effect he had no doubt she desired, enough to curl up the corners of his lips at least.

His fingers darted across his virtual keyboard with a speed almost as fast as the voice he couldn’t use.

The probe net was in its final dispersal phase and the first of the reports were coming in. Eos had focussed the deployment in a spiralling pattern using the Crystal Cave as the central point and consequently, the information was more detailed in that area. In fact, Eos had doubled up the probe above Burr Crater and the cave beneath it.

His daughter highlighted three other craters, an attention icon flashing on the map. John zoomed in and frowned. There were more lakes.

His fingers darted over the map, repeatedly hitting attention icons flagged by the AI. Lake after lake showed up on sensors. A quick cross-correlation and his suspicions were confirmed. The lakes lay under the younger craters on the moon’s surface. The ones still shining from impacts of recent millennia.

John manipulated one of the probes pulling it from the net and drawing it closer to the surface. Eos threw up a warning that he was causing a brief blindspot, but he didn’t care, he needed confirmation.

Tornarsuk Crater was slightly smaller, but it was fairly equidistant from Callisto Base as Burr and almost as young. The lake registered as similar to the one in Crystal Cave and a network of tunnels branched off from it merging with the network.

Because it was a network. Initial readings tracked tunnels riddled beneath the entire Callistan surface. He couldn’t tell with these readings, but he would bet a lifetimes worth of savings that all the tunnels were made by water. Despite liquid water not being physically possible in these environs.

Not physically possible, but the lakes did exist.

Of course, that led to the question of why the water hadn’t stayed water once it left the cavern. It had behaved exactly how it should when it entered the tunnel. It froze.

Trapping his brothers.

He closed his eyes a moment as images he hadn’t fully processed yet flashed up in his mind.

He let out a sigh.

Focus.

Science was a saviour.

He returned to glaring at the holograms hidden under the blanket. It grew stuffy and he was reminded of many a late night when he was a child, shoving his tablet under the covers in order to read that little bit more despite being told to go to bed.

Memories.

He requested a planetary body analysis and the probe network boosted Five’s scan of the moon, giving him an indepth gravity and mass analysis. The readings confirmed what the Callisto Expedition had reported, that yes, there was an ocean deep under the Callistan crust, and that unlike most of the planetary bodies in the solar system, Callisto was undifferentiated. It had no core, no mantle, just a shallow ocean a couple hundred of kilometres below, sitting on a mix of rock and ice, sealed in by a crust of similar material.

So there was water in the moon. That was no surprise. Europa had proven something similar, but these subterranean oceans followed the laws of physics. They had the pressures required to stay liquid. The lakes did not.

There had to be another reason.

The next step was research. He knew what he knew, but that didn’t mean he knew everything. There must be something to explain the water.

Accessing Five’s library, he initiated a connection back to Tracy Island via the chain of buoys stretching back to Earth.

The covers over his head were suddenly ripped off, the waft of cooler air startling him even more than the sudden appearance of a tall shadow leaning over him.

John’s whisper was cutting. “Scott, what the hell!”

Because it was Scott. It was always Scott.

Well, except when it was Virgil, but this shadow was too tall, had the wrong hair and Virgil was still snoring.

“You’re supposed to be resting.” His brother’s voice had an echo of commander.

“You more than me!” John grabbed at the covers and pulled them back up to his chest. Why, he didn’t know, but there had to be a principle there somewhere.

The shadow of his big brother pulled up a chair and literally fell into it. Elbows dented the side of John’s bed and Scott’s head dipped out of silhouette as he dropped it into his hands.

John’s heart softened. A gentler whisper. “You really should rest. Get some sleep.”

“I did. Virgil is making a racket.” It was muffled as his brother was looking down at his feet, but John knew it was a load of bullshit. They had all been putting up with Virgil’s snoring since the man was born. If anything, it was a sound of comfort and was missed if it wasn’t there when they were together like this.

It was a running joke that their brother’s snoring was a great wildlife deterrent when camping.

John persisted. Scott was notorious for ignoring his health when focussed on an objective. “How’s your head?”

“Fine.”

“If you’ve come over here just to lie to me, I’m not sure I want to listen.”

“Whatever.” Scott ran his hands through his hair, messing up what was usually meticulously neat. “What happened, John?”

John sighed and pushed himself up on the bed until he was sitting upright, covers still on his legs. “You should be in bed.”

“Bed is a waste of time.” Blue eyes caught what little light was in the room and flashed it at John. “I need information.”

And John was the source of that information.

He held back another sigh and instead pulled up a virtual representation of the Crystal Cave and associated tunnel network. “The sensor readings are marred with static, but as far as we can tell water appeared to enter the lake from this tunnel.” John pointed at one of the entrances on the north-east side of the lake. “With the probe network we now have, the closest source of water I can find is under Tornarsuk Crater to the south-east.” He rotated the image until the star-rayed splash of brightness appeared. A flick of a finger and the hologram delved under the crater, bringing up another lake. John focussed the probe, switching to mineralogical detail and many spikes of crystal appeared in the cave. Eos threw up likely chemical formulae that could only be proven with samples, but had an accuracy somewhere near ninety-five percent.

He could not delve under that lake any more than he could under the lake in the Crystal Cavern.

“There’s another one?” Scott’s whisper spoke of widened eyes. “Are they connected?”

John answered by zooming out and tracing the connection via the maze of tunnels between them.

“How?”

This time John did let out the sigh. “I don’t know.”

“Is it a natural phenomenon?”

John stared at his brother. “Nothing about this is natural. That water shouldn’t exist in that state. If water came from the other lake, then how did it get to the Crystal Cavern so fast? Seismic readings epicentre the activity to the north-east of the Cavern, yet the closest source of water is to the south.”

“Can you get any further life sign readings?”

“No.” It was a defeated quiet. “And no further information on the two under the lake. All I can say is that they are there. Interference is almost complete otherwise. We cannot see below the surface, yet I can see all the way to the moon’s lack of a core.” He threw up his hands and the hologram flickered at the rough handling. “It doesn’t make sense.”

Scott was lit up by the light of the hologram. A ghostly echo of his brother’s usual vibrant self. “Is this humanly possible?”

John stared at him. “You think someone is orchestrating this?”

“Could they?”

He threw the concept back and forth in his head. “Possibly. At great expense and difficulty. There would have to be some serious science involved and I would want to know how that water is liquid in this environment. But the ultimate question would be ‘why?’”

Scott let his head drop into his hands again. “Hell if I know.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time something massively expensive and ridiculous had been deployed against us.” Gordon’s voice was sharp in the sudden silence.

And silence it was because John suddenly realised there was a serious lack of snoring in the room.

Sure enough, beside their fish brother the shape of Virgil was moving slowly to sit up. His throat cleared as he settled sitting on the edge of the bed. “So what is the plan?”

Scott straightened where he sat. “The plan is to get some rest.”

“Done that. Feeling better. There are some lives waiting to be saved.”

No pressure.

Gordon’s eyes were catching the light and aimed right at John. “You think this is planned?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you think it is a possibility.”

“At this point, everything is a possibility, Gordon. I don’t have enough explanation to make any conclusions.”

“I vote aliens.” And yes, Alan was awake as well, his tousled hair reflecting holographic light.

“You are all supposed to be asleep.” Commander Tracy glared at them.

“Speak for yourself, Scott. I bet you’re sporting a doozy of a headache.”

Scott didn’t answer, but John was pretty sure Gordon had hit a nail right on the aching head.

“John?” Eos’ voice cut through the glares and grumbles bouncing around the room.

“Yes, Eos.”

“Callisto Base is receiving a distress call from Kate Berrenger.”

“What? Relay!”

A terrified female voice cut the air in the room. “Base, do you read? I need help. Uh-“ The voice fell silent a moment, but every body in the room was already moving.

One of the life signs had changed position. It was now located on the same beach where Four had lain crumpled several hours earlier.

John switched to transmit. “Eos, relay! This is Thunderbird Five, Director Berrenger. Help is on the way.”

“Somebody, please help me.” It ended in a whimper.

He leapt off the bed as Scott dashed out the door. “Help is on the way.”

-o-o-o-

Next

[infinite-xerath]

Runeterra Retcons 9: Shaco

The time has come to discuss League’s resident killer clown… Or killer jester, I suppose. There is a difference, not that it really matters because even the lore doesn’t ACTUALLY know what Shaco is. To be frank, Shaco is a weird character because he’s NEVER had a proper place in the story, even from his conception.

Shaco’s original lore paints him as a complete and utter mystery. Nobody knows who or what he is, where he came from, or what he really wants. All anyone has ever known is that Shaco loves killing people because he thinks it’s funny. He could be a demon, a rogue weapon, or just a homicidal madman who’s really good at what he loves. That’s where his character begins and ends, so there’s really not much to actually analyze here. Shaco’s second lore attempts to give us a little more detail but all it really does is say the exact same thing with more words added in.

Of course, Shaco’s first two lores were written at a time with the Institute of War and Summoners were still canon, so after the retcon back in 2015 Riot opted to give him a new backstory to make him fit in with the new world of Runeterra. That backstory, as we can see, is ultimately little more than a placeholder. I mean, his extended bio doesn’t even match the blurb on his Champion page!

In summation: Shaco is a haunted doll who belonged to an unknown prince of an unknown kingdom and was transformed by unknown magics for unknown reasons. This backstory now feels especially redundant with the introduction of Gwen into the game, a living doll with a similar backstory albeit far less evil. To be frank: there’d be room to have some interest thematic parallels between Gwen and Shaco if Riot had written these two in such a way that they were creations of the same person or belonged to the same kid but wound up becoming wholly opposite of one-another.

For example: perhaps in an alternate version of the lore, Gwen comes to embody the childlike innocence and hope of her maker/owner and seeks to spread joy and cheer while Shaco is a corrupt and perverted manifestation of those desires who seeks only to amuse himself in the suffering of others. This, I think, would have been a fantastic way to go about it, but given that Gwen is already so heavily tied to the Shadow Isles plotline and Viego is set up to be her primary enemy, I feel like it would be kind of difficult to work Shaco into that dynamic at this point.

Besides, it’s clear that Riot DOES have plans for Shaco: namely, that they aim to retcon him into being a demon. This is somewhat evident by his champion title, the Demon Jester, as well as his relationships are listed as being Nocturne and Fiddlesticks, the demons of nightmares and fear, respectively. There’s also that branch on the demon family tree labeled “Delirium” which would fit a murderous jokester pretty well.

To be honest, I was initially hesitant to even bother doing an episode for Shaco given that Riot clearly has at least some vague idea of what to do with him, but since reworks are coming out a lot slower now and Shaco’s not even on Riot’s priority list as far as we’re aware, it’ll probably be a WHILE before we actually see them do anything with this particular concept.

So, given what we know about Riot’s current plans, the general direction of this rewrite is simple: make Shaco a demon. Admittedly, though, that’s a little easier said than done. Demons in League are creatures who feed on mortal pain and suffering, but each of them has a different way of going about it. Fiddlesticks mainly uses paranoia and trauma to drive his victims mad while Nocturne takes a more Freddy Krueger approach of just invading dreams and turning them into nightmares. Tahm Kench likes to make Faustian Bargains by giving you everything you want and then tearing it all away from you, while Evelynn lures you in with seduction and then proceeds to tear you apart piece by piece.

Every demon takes a different form and has different ways of going about things, but all of them share a core concept: they feed on suffering and misery, be it physical or emotional. That said, there’s a bit more to demons in Runeterra than just that. See, back when Fiddlesticks was released, Riot went and released what the community has dubbed the “Demon Family Tree,” which appears to be a chart displaying the hierarchy of demons and different emotions that different kinds of demons can prey on.

Now, admittedly, there’s a LOT about this chart that we don’t currently understand, and frankly I wouldn’t be surprised if Riot doesn’t either. There’s a key that resembles the one around Zoe’s neck in the top-left, a bunch of circles in the top right we don’t know the meaning of, and a whole bunch of text written in what I think is supposed to be Old Noxian that we can’t currently decipher. There have been theories and discussions about this already, so I’m not going to get too deep into it, but the main takeaway, I think, would be the words on the chart that we CAN read: Fear, Delirium, Nightmares, Secrets, Bliss, Frenzy, and Obsession. There’s also the term “Azakana” at the bottom, though we know thanks to Yone that this basically just refers to a demon that hasn’t fully matured yet.

Tying the chart back to the demonic Champions in the game, it’s easy to piece together the connections that they each have: Fiddlesticks is fear, Nocturne is Nightmares, Raum (the demon bound to Swain) is Secrets, Evelynn is commonly believed to be Bliss, and Tahm Kench is most likely Obsession. That leaves Delirium and Frenzy untouched, which leaves us with two spots to fit Shaco into.

Now comes the hard part: the decision. Delirium refers to a state of mind in which one’s awareness of their actions or environment is significantly reduced, whereas frenzy is a sudden burst of frantic, uncontrolled emotion, typically rage or aggression. Either one of these could work well for a killer jester, but I personally think that delirium would suit Shaco better in terms of how his personality is portrayed in game. So, with that said, let’s dive deep into the realm of demonic and see what can be done to turn this cursed puppet into a proper Demon of Delirium.

It is often said that misery and comedy are but two sides of the same coin. Laughter often comes at the expense of others, and one person’s despair may be another’s delight. Most entertainers would tell you that walking the line between humor and malice is key, but to Shaco, such distinctions are a joke for which he himself is the final punchline.

The demon known as Shaco has stalked Runeterra for ages, spreading his twisted influence far and wide. There’s nothing Shaco loves more than to bring joy to those who need it most, often appearing to mortals who have experienced great loss or tragedy. Those coping with grief or misfortune may find themselves unexpectedly visited by a grinning jester, who assures that his only desire is to take away their pain with the power of laughter.

At first, Shaco’s antics are innocent enough. Some cheesy jokes to lighten the mood, some harmless pranks to lift the spirits of the downtrodden, all with an unyielding smile that one cannot help but start to imitate. Soon, those enthralled with Shaco’s antics are invited to play games with the jester to help distract from their worldly worries. Those who accept are whisked away to partake in a day of fun and merriment, playing all manner of pranks on friends, family, and even innocent bystanders.

When the games end, Shaco leaves his playmates cackling insanely in the aftermath, often surrounded by bodies and covered in blood. None laugh louder than Shaco, however, who delights in watching his playmates slowly regain their sanity and come to realize all the atrocities committed at his side. Some cry out in despair, while others break down laughing or crying harder than before. Some go mad, others are executed for their crimes, and some even opt to take their own lives. All outcomes are equally hilarious to Shaco, who soon sets out in pursuit of his next playmate.

Stories of the Mad Trickster exist all across Runeterra, often told as children’s tales to teach valuable lessons: don’t trust strangers, never give in to sadness or despair, and always be mindful to never take a joke too far. Few truly believe in Shaco’s existence, but those who fail to heed such warnings may find themselves to be his next playmate, as well as the butt of his joke…

So, this one was a bit shorter than normal, but I think it serves to get the point across. As the embodiment of delirium, I wanted to give Shaco a set-up sort of similar to Tahm Kench: he appears to offer help to those in need, only to end up ruining their lives in the long run. The difference, of course, is that Shaco lures people in to help them forget their troubles with fun and games, only to escalate to full-blown murder and mayhem.

In essence, Shaco drives others to delirium, making them believe the carnage is all just fun and games until his spell is broken and reality sets in. I’d like to think he particularly likes preying on the downtrodden because those who are suffering mental anguish already are easier for him to cast his spell on.

This is just my take on Shaco, though. Who can really say what Riot will do with him in the future? Who knows, his rework might end up even better than what I have here, but of course, anything is bound to be better than his current, non-existent lore.

[commonwealthoccurences]

Companions React: Institute Offers Surgery To Intersex Sole

Note: Please let me know if I mishandled this or anything came across as insensitive so I can come back and fix it! I would hate to make anyone feel misrepresented or offended by the way this was written. Thank you and thank you for reading.

CW: Uh, a lot of anger and violence mentions. Lots of swearing.

The Scenario: Every time Sole sat the companion down for a serious conversation they lost about ten years off their life; no one ever did that to give good news. As soon as Sole announced they had something to tell the companion, they sat and looked up at Sole warily. After a moment, Sole took a deep breath and sat down across from them. “Do you know what intersex means?” They asked.

“Yeah.” The companion’s tone was more questioning than anything.

“I’m intersex. And I want… your opinion on something. The Institute offered, uhm, surgery. If you catch my drift.”

Cait:

Cait felt fury rise in her as soon as the words left Sole’s mouth. “And did ya ask for it first?” She stood, fists clenched.

Sole shook their head and looked down at their clasped hands, trying to push away their internal confliction to listen to Cait. “Then it’s none of their goddamn business, ya hear me? You’re perfect the way ya are, and unless taking up their offer is gonna make you happier, they can stick their offer where the sun don’t shine!” She was indignant, practically shouting by the end of her speech.

Sole laughed at Cait’s way with words, comforted by the fact that she was so furious on their behalf. “Thank you.” They replied quietly.

“Gods, they have nothin’ but audacity. Can you imagine?!” She was talking to herself at that point.

Cait paused and shook her head. “Now listen. I’m not gonna tell ya one way or another, ya know how I feel about them. If it would make ya happy it’s worth it. But never let anyone tell ya to change a goddamn thing. Especially not the Institute, of all people!”

Curie:

“I’m afraid I don’t understand. Why would they offer surgery if there’s nothing wrong?”

Sole laughed quietly. Curie was nowhere near naive, but she had yet to deal with the full spectrum of human ignorance. “It’s, uh. How do I put it? For some people, it makes them more comfortable since it’s what’s... expected.”

“And you? Would it make you more comfortable? That’s the only thing that matters.”

“I don’t know… I don’t think so. I think I’m just fine.”

“Then that’s it. You’re just fine. They should mind their own business.”

Curie stood, smoothing out the front of her shirt as she looked around thoughtfully. “Quite insulting that they were in your business like that.” She shook her head. “Disgraceful. They call themselves scientists, yet have no respect.”

Danse:

Danse had no hesitation when it came to getting angry at the Institute, but this was a whole different level. The absolute nerve astounded him. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, reigning in his anger at the fact that they would so blatantly disrespect Sole. “How do you feel about it?” He asked. After all, their opinion was the most important.

“Offended, to be honest.” They let out a short, wry laugh. “I don’t think I want it.”

“There’s no reason to change yourself to appease the absolute ignorance of an institution that helps no one. They don’t have your best interests at heart, so unless getting the surgery would make you happier, I’ll make sure you get to blow the first charge when we get rid of them.”

Sole laughed. “I’ll take you up on that offer.”

Deacon:

“What?”

“They offered surgery.”

“No, I think I must’ve heard you wrong. You’re not saying they offered you surgery because you’re intersex, right?”

Sole nodded, biting at their bottom lip in discomfort. Deacon simply began to laugh dryly, though his clenched fists and the twitching of his upper lip showed he was very obviously not impressed, nor humored. “Bold bastards. I’m sorry they’d insult you like that, Sole, you deserve better.” There was a beat of silence. “I should’ve asked first; do you want the surgery? Would that make you happier?”

Sole shook their head. “No. I’m good the way I am.”

Deacon smiled and nodded, lifting his arm for a fistbump. “Exactly.”

The two stood and returned to their tasks, silence reigning in the small room as they both got lost in thought. After a couple moments of Deacon tinkering with his weapon and Sole writing down their inventory list, they were startled by Deacon slamming his screwdriver down. “The absolute nerve of them, though! What the fuck?”

Sole simply laughed in response, shaking their head. They had no idea either.

Gage:

“And you shot them, right? Their brains are currently splattered across their grossly clean walls, right?” Gage’s gaze was intensely stern.

Sole shook their head, tempted to laugh at his protectiveness. “No. I didn’t, don’t think I would’ve made it back in one piece if I did.”

“You’re not gonna listen to them, right? They’re sick as fuck, Sole, I wouldn’t trust their standard for anything as far as I could throw one of their scientists.”

“No, I didn’t listen to them. They’re considered fucked up for a reason, Gage. I know better. It just… sucked. That they thought it was obvious or something.” Sole shook their head and played with the sleeve of their shirt. “I dunno.”

“I’ll kill them. Say the word. I swear to God.”

Sole laughed. “You can’t take on the entire Institute, Gage.”

“Watch me. Those pieces of shit need to learn their place.”

Hancock:

Hancock said nothing and simply opened up his arms. Being confronted with the fact that certain parts of society considered you different was nothing strange to him, and he knew how much it could sting. When they accepted his offer and rose from their seat to fold themself into his arms, he felt his anger surge to a new level. How dare they make them feel this way? Carefully, he rubbed their back. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” They replied, voice muffled in his coat. “Just insulted, y’know.”

“Yeah, I get it, sweetheart.” Hancock moved his hand to squeeze their shoulder. “We’ll get those bastards back, and then some, yeah?”

Sole nodded and pulled away with a resigned sigh. “Don’t worry your pretty head over it. Their opinion means nothing, y’know? God knows I’ll have to ruin them if they stress you out.”

MacCready:

“Fu-fri-no, y’know what? They deserve it! Fucking pieces of shit!” Mac cursed, voice raised.

Sole looked up at him, a bit stunned by the outburst. “Sorry.” He muttered, turning his head away. “What did you tell them? How do you feel about it?”

They shrugged. “I don’t want it, I’m pretty sure. Thought about it a lot. I just wanted your opinion, I guess.”

“What the hell does my opinion have to do with it? Whatever makes you happy is priority, Sole. Both the Institute and I can get screwed if we try to interfere with that.”

They gave him a small smile. “Thanks Mac.”

MacCready nodded and reached over to squeeze their shoulder in reassurance. He shook his head at the situation, but gave them a smile. “It’s gonna be alright, Sole. Don’t take anything they say seriously.”

Nick:

Nothing about this surprised him, and he had to roll his eyes at the Institute’s audacity. “Yeah, sounds like them. What did you say?”

“I said I wasn’t interested. I don’t know, I thought about it and it’s not something I care to get done.”

Nick nodded and fumbled with his cigarette, watching the smoke plume thoughtfully. “As long as you’re happy, yeah? I’ll walk back into that hellhole and hold your hand the entire way if you need me to.”

Sole grinned. The detective was short with words, but he always knew what needed to be said. “Thanks, Nick, but that’s not something you’ll need to worry about.”

He tapped the ash off his cigarette. “Good. They’re idiots anyway, you don’t need to change a thing.”

Piper:

Piper hadn’t felt rage overcome her that way in such a long time. Her hands shook as she placed her head in her hands and took a deep breath. “Bastards!” She cursed, then, “Sorry, Blue. What did you say?”

Sole shook their head. “I said no.”

Piper nodded and smiled bitterly. “Good.” She stood and stepped away, biting at the skin next to her nails. “Who even says something like that out of the blue? Like that’s a normal offer to make?” She threw her hands up, eyebrows narrowed in enraged confusion.

Preston:

Preston resisted the urge to clench his jaw. Maybe this was something Sole wanted, maybe it would make them feel more comfortable, despite the fact that the offer was coming from somewhere disgusting. “How do you feel about it?”

“Kind of insulted, actually. It’s not really any of their business, and I definitely didn’t ask.”

Preston nodded and pressed his lips together, cracking his knuckles absentmindedly. “We should check in with Sturges on how close to complete the plan is.” The look in his eyes conveyed all the anger Sole needed to see.

They sighed. “It’s not worth getting riled up over, Preston, really. I dunno. I suppose it might’ve been coming from a place of concern, albeit ignorant concern.”

“I won’t start something over it if you don’t want me too, but there’s a few choice words I’d love to get their way before we blow them into the sky.”

X6-88:

X6’s expression grew colder. “There was a mistake.” He stated simply.

“No, Six. They meant it.”

“Which scientist was this? What team?” He asked, calm despite the chill his expression was sending through Sole.

“Uhm, I’m not sure the specifics of her team. Doctor O’hara, with the medical staff. I was in there for vaccinations.”

X6 nodded and stood, movements stiffer than usual, which was saying something. “And this question. It was invasive and disrespectful, if I wasn’t mistaken by your tone?”

Sole nodded, not sure where he was going with this line of conversation. “I will be… speaking to her supervisor.” They had to raise an eyebrow at the inflection they gave to “speaking.” They watched him leave, wondering if they should say something, before blowing out a sigh. They’d hate to be part of that team right now.

[samayla]

The Morning Pages

I'm a couple of weeks into writing "The Morning Pages" - which is a couple of weeks longer than any other journaling stint I've ever attempted - and I thought I'd share a few of the things that I've learned, about myself and the practice.

For those of you who are unfamiliar, "The Morning Pages" is a journaling practice from the book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. It's supposed to be a creativity booster, a way to train your brain to get over roadblocks by committing to writing three pages of whatever is on your mind, every day, no matter what.

Now, a disclaimer - I have never read "The Artist's Way." There are, however, any number of excellent videos about it - and more specifically the Morning Pages themselves - on Youtube.

Onward!

★ No one will ever read my Morning Pages. Ever. I don't even reread my own writing. I flip through the pages sometimes, just to admire the pages and pages of handwritten text, but this style of journaling is not for reading, which brings me to my next point...

★ The Morning Pages are not for blow-by-blow, faithful accounts of my day. I approach my Morning Pages with one key question in mind:

Which thoughts are too heavy to carry around with me all day?

This is my brain, hauling around all kinds of junk and shoving it in my face all the time.

To be fair, I love my brain, and it's not all junk. A lot of it's pretty amazing stuff, but I don't need all of it all the time.

My life is hard enough without my brain dumping extra junk into the mix all the time. Also, I had nightmares about the Labyrinth Junk Lady as a kid. So I started writing the Morning Pages to give myself a place to put those things aside. There's a pretty little moth on the cover of my journal, and he can carry those thoughts instead. He's a tough little dude. He gets the ugly, messy, tangled thoughts I would never, ever share with anyone else. He gets those white-noise-tv-static kind of thoughts that try to eat my brain. He gets all the whining and crying and cussing and internal debates that stop me making decisions. He gets the meltdowns and the tantrums and the panic attacks, and he also gets those hyper-elated-bubblegum-in-my-hair kind of happy thoughts that are great, until they get in the way. He holds onto them for me, so I can let them go. They're not gone, just set aside in a safe place, in case I need them later, and that relieves so much anxiety for me.

★ Sometimes I don't have any thoughts like that to unload. I write my shopping list instead. I scribble down the song lyrics that are currently stuck on repeat. I ask dumb questions - like is the French Tuck named after Tan France, or does he just like it because it sounds like it could be? I draw stars or flowers or zigzag lines that mean nothing at all. I write in huge letters that take up three rows each. Flipping back through, those days make me smile.

★ Sometimes I just stop early, before hitting that magical three page mark. Despite all the videos saying it's basically three pages or die, I have not died yet. This shouldn't be a torture device, nor should it get in the way of real life. I didn't write at all the past two days, and guys? The world did not end. My migraines mean there are days when I have aphasia and can't make words happen, or my fine motor skills are trash and writing my own name feels like trying to dig out the Bread Basket in a high stakes game of Operation. I don't write much on those days because it frustrates me - but I could, because no one ever has to be able to read it, but I don't have to, and that makes me powerful. Sometimes my day launches before I'm even out of bed, and there's just no slowing down until my head hits the pillow that night. I don't write on those days either, because it would be just one more thing on a day that needs less things in it already.

★ I need a bit of a ritual to get my brain into Morning Pages mode because there are mornings when my brain just doesn't want to do it, for no very good reason at all. By having every session start with the same couple of steps, I don't have to think too hard to get started. Every entry starts with a little star at the top of the page. This started as a quick way to make sure my pen was working properly, but it makes me happy, so I've kept on, even though I have a really nice pen at the moment. Then I open the writing session with the date and "Good Morning!" - even if I've put off writing until later in the day. The greeting gets one whole line to itself, so I'm already making progress toward that three-page goal. Whenever I'm done, another little star goes at the bottom of the last page, just to close the session and help my brain switch gears again.

★★★So what has this done for me?★★★

I've caught myself thinking things like, "Oh, man. This would be a perfect topic for my Morning Pages. I should save it for that." But then, more often than not, just knowing I could write it in there is enough for me to let it go, right then and there, without any conscious effort. I get to my next set of Morning Pages, and I find myself writing about something completely different. My priorities are free to shift like that now. Instead of stewing over things, I can put them aside, and later on, with a little perspective, I discover that some of those things weren't all that important anyway.

I feel lighter and more in control. I think Intentional is the word. I feel like I'm here on purpose, doing things on purpose. I'm getting better at noticing which things are worth worrying about, and when I feel overwhelmed, I am better able to see my way clear of it.

I feel less pressure to be perfect in my other writings. "Just getting the words out" is easier in the Morning Pages, because I know no one will ever read them, and that's made me realize no one else will ever read the early drafts of my other writings either. I switch up my handwriting in my journal all the time. Some days it's chicken scratch. Others, it's perfect cursive. Or all caps. Whatever I feel like. And for someone who is embarrassingly concerned about the aesthetic of whatever I'm writing, that has been massively liberating. I started a writing journal for Magpie Grace recently as well, and a few pages in, I discovered that I preferred writing in it in all caps. In the past, I might have started over so the whole thing is in all caps, or given it up entirely as "ruined," but now, some is in caps, some is in cursive. No big deal.

[hlcreators]

AUTHOR REC:  jacaranda_bloom / @jacaranda-bloom 

Be sure to show some love by leaving kudos and comments! 

Seven Simple Words (15k)

It’s not like he and Louis were a couple. No, they might have been a lot of things—best mates and colleagues with a seemingly convenient friends-with-benefits arrangement—but never a couple. It wasn’t Louis’ fault he didn’t feel the same way and couldn’t reciprocate Harry’s feelings in the way he’d wanted, the way he’d needed. Harry had allowed himself to get in too deep, his entire being aching to be loved back by the object of his affections. But in love, as in life, you don’t always get what you want.

OR the one where you don’t always get what you want the first time around, but sometimes the universe decides to give you a second chance at getting it right.

Feels So Right (8.8k)

The emcee leans in between them, handing over his mic to the blue-eyed vision. “You know what? Someday… Someday you guys might thank me for this...”

OR the one where Louis is Troy, Harry is Gabriella, and we find out what really happened after karaoke at that ski resort...

Wonderland (4.3k)

Louis has always loved lazy mornings in bed with his mate, but now that his Omega is carrying their pup, they’ve reached a whole new level of wonderment.

OR the one where Louis loves to worship his Omega’s body and Harry loves to let him.

The Baby Whisperer (18k)

Harry’s newborn baby is having trouble sleeping and nothing he does seems to work. Tired and alone and at his wits end, Harry is at a loss until a new neighbour arrives to turn his world upside down.

OR the one where being neighbourly takes on a whole new meaning.

Fuck U Betta (11k)

There’s something about having Louis like this, exposed and desperate, that makes a primal urge bubble up from deep inside Harry’s chest. Desire mixed with something else, something unquantifiable. It’s the thing that makes them want this, need this. Nothing else will satisfy them or quench their thirst.

OR the one where Harry likes the thrill of the chase, Louis likes to be chased, and everyone gets what they need… in the end.

Caves End (39k)

When a recurring injury cuts short Harry’s time as the Captain of the English Football Team, he needs to rethink his career and his future. His best mate and manager, Niall, decides that what Harry really needs is a change of scenery, time to relax, and to get some perspective on his life. What Harry doesn’t expect is for them to end up in Australia, on a farm, with the most gorgeous man he’s ever laid eyes on.

OR the one where Harry has lost his future, Louis has lost his past, but maybe together, they can find a way through the dark.

When Tomorrow Comes (11k)

When Louis and Niall are partnered up to complete a project on Omega scents and how they effect the nesting behaviours of Alphas, little does Louis know that the course of his life is about to be forever altered.

OR the one where Louis is an Omega who has been keeping himself pure for his Alpha, Harry is a traditional Alpha focusing on his studies while he waits to find his bondmate, and Niall is a sneaky bastard who keeps borrowing Louis’ clothes and never returning them.

You Drive Me WIld (5k)

Most people would think that keeping a tube of lube hidden behind the driver’s side visor of their car is foolish and completely unnecessary, but then most people don’t have to chauffeur Louis Tomlinson around for a living.

OR the one where Harry has a brilliant idea to while away the time as he waits around for his boss but fate decides to rain on his parade... or maybe it’s the universe answering his prayers.

No Going Back (56k)

Sales reps Harry and Louis are bored with their jobs and their lives. After meeting at a conference in Cardiff they hook up, have a few too many drinks, and jokingly apply to become remote lighthouse keepers. Six months, just the two of them, looking after the southernmost lighthouse off the bottom of Australia. It’s not like their applications will be accepted. Right?

This is the story of how one choice - a left instead of a right, a go instead of a stop, a yes instead of a no - can change the future forever and that sometimes, taking that leap of faith, is worth the risk.

Strong Enough (20k)

“So…” Liam starts, and Louis instantly knows where this is going. He’s actually glad it’s Liam that's dragging the subject out from the shadows and into the light. Louis turns to face him, mirroring his position on the couch and nods, ready for him to continue. Liam takes a deep breath. “Have you spoken to Harry recently?”

Five years after Vertigo goes on hiatus, the band comes back together for a benefit concert. Can Louis and Harry work through their complicated past, or are some wounds too deep to be healed?

Shine (13k)

“How does it feel?” Harry asks, genuine curiosity evident in his voice.

Louis lets his eyes drift closed and focuses on the sensations. “It’s like… like I’ve got hands all over me, touching me, inside and out, and…” Louis tries to zone in but it’s so hard to describe. “It’s like I’m being stimulated everywhere all at once.” As if on cue, his nipples and earlobes start tingling and he arches his back. “Oh fuck, yeah.”

OR the one where Louis has a thing for the sun and Harry is more than happy to indulge his sunshine boy.

If You’re Out There (I’ll Find You Somehow) (55k)

Harry looks so intensely into Louis’ eyes it’s as though he’s reaching in and touching his very soul. “I never thought… I never… I’ve been searching for so long, Louis, but I never gave up. I couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop trying,” Harry says, bottom lip trembling as he strokes the backs of Louis’ knuckles. “I just knew that if you were out there, I’d find you somehow.”

OR the story of how one man’s love changed the world.

Everything I Do (16k)

Harry’s ready, has been for a while now, and he’s fairly certain Louis is too, it just hasn’t been on the top of their priority list. There have been offhand mentions, a comment here and there, more in jest than anything, no serious discussion or consideration. Harry stands up straighter, a stomach-churning thought forming in his mind. Has Louis been waiting for him to ask?

OR the one where Harry finds a book of Elizabethan courtship rituals which sets in motion a series of events that can lead to only one conclusion.

Playing To Win (36k)

Big Brother UK alumni Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are selected for the UK vs Australia All Stars series with a massive one million dollar prize in the offing. They’re both fit and smart and would make a great alliance... if only they can stop their feelings from getting in the way.

OR the one where Louis really doesn’t want to like Harry, Harry is struggling to quell his growing fondness for Louis, but sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t fight fate.

Exposed (666)

Louis should really stop agreeing to do favours for his friends while drunk, especially when they result in him becoming a live-art model…

Forever And Always (25k)

“Right,” Harry says and slaps his hands down on the kitchen benchtop. Now he just has to get home, find this poor Niall guy who is currently camped out in his body, and have them swapped back. What could possibly go wrong?

OR the one where Harry’s neighbour is a crotchety old witch who hates vampires, Niall is the unsuspecting human who ends up inhabiting Harry’s body, and Louis is the caseworker who is assigned to swap them back. How it ends up a love story is anyone’s guess.

Going My Way (20k)

"Hey Harry. Really sorry to do this to you but an emergency has come up with Vera’s mum and we’ve had to jump a flight home. My mate Louis is going to take over my LYFT clients while I’m away. He’s got my car and my phone and everything else. Hope that’s okay. He’s a good guy and I think you two are going to get along brilliantly. Catch you soon, Benny."

OR the one where Harry gets a replacement LYFT driver, Louis is just trying to earn some extra cash before the baby arrives, and they both end up with way more than they bargained for.

Up For It (18k)

Each year, the five friends take a lads holiday; it’s tradition, and this year is shaping up to be a jam-packed, fun-filled trip with their best mates just like all the rest... or is it?

OR the one where Liam is Mr Organised, Zayn is too perceptive for his own good, Niall is a compulsive matchmaker, and Harry and Louis might just have the surprise to shock them all.

With Words Unspoken (18k)

At forty-nine, Louis hadn’t envisioned being at a crossroads in his life; kids, grandkids, an ex-wife, and completely at a loss as to what direction his future will take. When he finds himself drawn back to a cabin in the Californian wilderness that’d he’d visited fifteen years earlier, an acquaintance from his past triggers an awakening deep inside and reveals a new path that he could never have imagined.

OR The one where Louis is lost, Harry is an excellent tour guide, and age is no barrier to finding the love of your life.

Henry and Lewis (4.3k)

PART 1 SUMMARY: Louis hangs out in his local coffee shop to work on his weekly WordPlay Prompt, speaks to his beloved muse aka Harry the gorgeous barista, embarrasses himself in front of said muse, and receives a comment on AO3 from his favourite reader.

SERIES SUMMARY: Every Tuesday, Louis spends his day off holed up in his favorite coffee-come-bookshop, writing his little stories as part of the WordPlay challenge while daydreaming about the resident barista, Harry. Each week a new word prompt is revealed and Louis adds to his series of short stories about Henry, the owner of a B&B in the Cotswolds who has curly hair and dimples, Lewis, his long term guest who just happens to be a writer, and Tigger, Henry’s cat.

As Louis and Harry’s friendship develops, could his fantasy world spill out into real life? And how does that reader who leaves the lovely comments with the teacup emoji seem to be able to read Louis’ mind?

Smuturdary (4.1k)

Louis struggles with this week's WordPlay prompt before finding inspiration, and a date, in an unexpected place, and could there be more going on with his favourite reader than he originally thought.

Tea For Two (4k)

Louis grapples with what to do about his new found suspicions over his favourite readers real-life identity.

Life Imitating Art (6.8k)

Louis is taken on a very real journey through his fic back catalogue - life has never imitated art so salaciously.

Entertain Me (5.3k)

All good things must come to an end, including the WordPlay challenge. But while Louis has mixed emotions about its end, and struggling to make sense of the final prompt, he is relishing every aspect of his newly revitalised personal life.

Play Me A Memory (26k)

Louis lives with his nine-year-old son Jake in a peaceful beachside community on the east coast of Australia, working as an entertainment coordinator at the local five-star resort. Harry is a recluse who lives on millionaires row and writes musical scores for blockbuster movies. When the roots of a wayward willow tree create havoc at his home, Harry is forced to stay at the resort while repairs are carried out.

Cue matchmaking storms, muffin preferences, laughter, love, and a whole lotta music.

The Cyber Sphere (17k)

As the author of The Cyber Sphere, a series of best-selling books which have spawned seemingly limitless spin-offs, Louis Tomlinson hides away from the world in his fortress-like London penthouse. But when he decides to interact with the host of The Cyber Times radio program, Dermot O’Leary, on Twitter, it causes a fandom meltdown and offers him hope for a future he’d never imagined.

OR the one where Liam likes to think he’s Batman, Dermot has terrible taste in sporting teams, and Louis should really get a cat.

Surprise Me, Space Boy (7.1k)

Louis is a solo officer on Space Station Zeta and the isolation can present many challenges, not least of which is that it’s really bloody hard to date. He’s pinning his hopes on that changing with a fellow solo officer, Harry, from a neigbouring station who gives great banter and has a gorgeous smile. Maybe online dating has its benefits after all?

OR The Space Wank Fic.

Harry Poppins (32k)

When Louis’ best friends pass away he finds himself with an instant family. Maddie and Thomas are wonderful children but take an immediate dislike to every nanny that sets foot inside their house. After nanny number six is summarily dismissed Louis is at his wit’s end, that is until an unusual man arrives on their doorstep. Harry Styles is like nothing any of them have ever encountered before, and perhaps, exactly what they’ve been looking for all along.

My One And Only (Desire) (500)

Harry is his, only his, and Louis belongs to Harry just as completely. They consume each other, in life, in love, in every way two people can.

Take Me Down Slow (Don’t Let Me Go) (26k)

Louis has always felt different. Not necessarily on the outer realm of societal norms, but pretty damn close to the edge. As an Omega, he’s supposed to want certain things; to want to raise a family, to want to build a life with a partner, and to want that partner to be an Alpha.

Well, two out of three ain’t bad.

OR the one where Louis wants to find the right kind of partner to love, Niall hates snowboarding, Liam wants to settle down, Harry is really good with his hands, and mother nature could be the thing that changes everything.

Soup Of The Day (19k)

It had been the single minded goal for them since college and seemed simple enough. 1. Study hard. 2. Open their dream restaurant. 3. Take the culinary world by storm.

What could possibly go wrong?

Or the Restaurant AU where Louis and Niall are chefs, Chicago is windy, and cracking the big time is harder than they ever imagined. But when a mysterious man starts grading Louis' soups by leaving little piles of rocks, could it be just the thing they need to get them on the road to success?

The Clock Strikes New Year (9.6k)

Louis senses people moving around behind him and cranes his neck left to right. The store is quiet, just staff and Louis and Harry, but all of the other salespeople appear to have gravitated to where they are to watch the little runway show Harry is putting on. He can’t blame them really, Harry is a sight to behold, but it makes him chuckle anyway.

“Okay, Lou, you ready for me?” Harry calls from the change room.

“As I’ll ever be, baby. Get out here!”

Harry comes into view and Louis’ breath catches in his throat.

OR Harry was homeless, but now he has Louis. Louis was lonely, but now he has Harry. And there’s more than one way to see fireworks on New Year’s Eve.

The Bet (2.4k)

Louis Tomlinson never reneges on a bet. Ever.

He may be many things - a joker, a sometimes-wayward student, a loyal friend, a Tony Award winner in the making, and a card-carrying member of the Chad Michael Murray fan club - but never, ever, a welcher. Louis makes good on his promises and does it with flare.

OR The one where Louis misjudges Harry's ability to do TLC's Waterfall rap and finds himself having to put on a one-man show for his viewing pleasure. If Louis decides to go all-in and dress the part, then that's just a bonus for his (very appreciative) one-man audience.

Heat (2.4k)

Louis was smitten from the moment Harry had arrived a month ago. Long, curly hair which he mostly keeps up in a bun, and a sinfully deep voice. Cheeky too. Louis likes that the best. He gives good banter and laughs at Louis’ dumb jokes, adding his own woeful puns. When Louis had asked him why he was in this godforsaken dust bowl, he’d said something about a ground crew traineeship and fulfilling his visa requirements while experiencing the real Australia. Louis had been momentarily distracted by Harry’s plush, red-bitten lips so the salient details may have washed over him.

OR Drinking beer in a blow-up pool, in a backyard, in stupidly hot temperatures, in outback Australia should be ridiculous, and it would be, if Louis didn't have a curly-haired workmate to keep him company.

Whisper The Wind (36k)

Louis’ father has political ambitions and decides it’s time for Louis to step up as the company’s Chief Financial Officer. Louis thinks this is a monumentally stupid idea. After storming off in a rage he has a chance meeting with a tall, dark, curly haired stranger. A technical glitch with their shared elevator finds Louis spending twenty minutes with the most intriguing man he’s ever met. Unfortunately the man is leaving London the very next day and moving to Australia to work at his mates surf school. Timing, as they say, can fuck right off.

Fast forward three years and Louis is miserable, a shadow of the man he once was, working in his father’s company, and hating every moment. At his thirtieth birthday party, surrounded by people he doesn’t know or doesn’t like, he decides to throw it all in and follow the impossible dream. Happiness, a fulfilling life, and someone to love. The question is, will that dream be found ten thousand miles away on a sandy beach, with a curly headed surfer dude?

Or the one where Louis rides an elevator that may change his life forever, Harry loves the ocean but is a terrible surfer, Liam proves not all heroes wear capes, and Niall might actually have all the answers.

The Clock Strikes Christmas (10k)

The clock ticks over to midnight and Niall strikes the match, lighting the candle and looking expectantly at Louis. “Time to make all your dreams come true. What’s your birthday wish Tommo?”

Louis stares into the flame and wonders. Closing his eyes, he thinks of cold winter nights curled up by the fire, driving along country roads holding hands across the console, laughter and warmth and a sense of belonging. An image creeps into his mind, blurry and shimmering. Curls, green eyes, milky white skin. Louis sucks in a deep breath, opens his eyes and blows.

The lights in the pub go out and the music stops, time seems to be teetering on the edge of something, like the crest of a roller coaster before the fall.

Then the pub surges back to life. “Sorry about that folks! Damn storm must be coming.” The bartender shouts out.

Niall is staring at him, mouth agape, before regaining his composure. “Must’ve been a helluva wish Tommo.”

Louis is a little stunned himself, but blinks out of it and laughs. “Yeah, must’ve been.”

OR the one where Louis needs someone to love, Harry needs a miracle, and sometimes, wishes really do come true

The Prince Of Light (35k)

Louis was found abandoned at a hospital at six months old and adopted by an older couple who raised him. Now twenty, he studies by night and by day works as a live-in au pair for a family with three little girls. One of the girls, Holly, swears there is a Garden Fairy coming and eating treats she leaves out in the cubby house each night.

When the family goes away for a two week holiday, Louis is secretly tasked with feeding the Fairy. While laying out the food one night he falls from the cubby house and is found by Harry. Harry is different and Louis is fascinated. But as Louis learns how different Harry really is, he discovers his own true home and a very surprising past he never knew.

Cue badgers, bananas and cookies, soulmates, a whole other world, and a future he’d never imagined.

Clouds On Curtis (9.6k)

A wave of comfort sweeps over Louis like a blanket as he allows himself a moment to imagine the possibilities. His past failures and disappointments feel like they are ebbing away, like shackles falling from his limbs. The burdens he's been bearing and the guilt he’s been carrying slipping away into the ground with each step he takes.

Harry reaches for the door and pauses, holding the handle he turns to face Louis.

“Are you ready for the adventure to begin?” Harry looks at him with hope in his eyes, dimple cratering in his left cheek.

“Absolutely, I’m all yours.” Louis says, wide smile breaking across his face, feeling the crinkles appear at the corners of his eyes.

In that moment he is sure of it. Surer than he's been about anything for years. This is exactly where he’s supposed to be. This is his second chance.

Or the one where Louis is a chef who is looking for a chance to start over, Harry’s restaurant needs the right chef to make his dream come to life, Niall is a cook who desperately wants to be a chef, and Liam just wants to be happy. Together, can they turn their dreams into reality?