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What else are you gonna do with your stupid life? College football watch ‘em ups for week 2 (officially) of the 2018 season

I’m all in on the rebirth of the run & shoot and don’t know if I have enough caring in me to write about every game this week. FUCK IT WE’LL DO IT LIVE!

Disclaimers about time zones and other sites and what the fuck ever go here. It doesn’t matter, we rake in like zero ad dollars from these posts.

This week is an oddity due to a lack of off-day games. Just one Friday and no others. I kind of wish every week was like this but I think this is the only one for the year.

Saturday, September 8

Matchup Time (ET) TV/Mobile

Arizona at Houston 12:00pm ABC/ESPN2 (RM

Khalil Tate and Kevin Sumlin might just be a match made in hell. Ed Oliver has personally humiliated some great dual-threat QBs in the past but I don’t know if Tate is actually a threat through the air. Not sure what that means for the all-important stats.

Duke at Northwestern 12:00pm ESPNU

Northwestern sucks. I’ll still root for them but they’re not good.

Eastern Michigan at Purdue 12:00pm BTN

The nation’s leader in all-purpose yards at home against EMU? Hell yes.

Georgia Tech at USF 12:00pm ABC/ESPN2 (RM)

I almost made a national champions joke but USF and UCF are actually different schools. Not by much, mind you. Based on one week against stiffs I have the impression this is a good year for the Ramblin’ Wreck.

Liberty at Army 12:00pm CBSSN

Army doesn’t even play a cool version of the option. This game is a pox.

Mississippi State at Kansas State 12:00pm ESPN

A bunch of guys who will play in the NFL next year are playing against each other for teams that will combine to lose 10+ games this year. This is a headache in a bag. I think I’d take KState +8 and the over of 54.5.

Nevada at Vanderbilt 12:00pm SECN

Oddly enough, I’d be totally into this one if Vandy were flying West for a 10pm kickoff. This version looks terrible, though.

New Mexico at Wisconsin 12:00pm BTN

Can’t wait for Hornibrook to end up getting a Heisman invite. He’s Wisconsin’s answer to Gino Torretta.

Towson at Wake Forest 12:00pm ACCNExtra

I’ve always thought of it as “Nextra” but then I saw it written as ACCNE and now there’s no going back.

Western Michigan at Michigan 12:00pm FS1

I know I’m stupid and crazy but I haven’t sold all of my Harbaugh stock just yet. I’ve heard about how he’s not a college coach and he’ll be back in the NFL next year but I can’t shake the feeling that he can still get things to click with just a little more time.

Georgia State at NC State 12:30pm RSN

NC State lost a ton of talent to the pros this year and the next in line from QBU isn’t really as great as his offseason draft hype. Georgia State is absolutely going to beat the spread.

Holy Cross at Boston College 1:00pm ACCNExtra

Somehow this battle for Boston reminded me of somebody explaining in excruciating detail about how BC isn’t in Boston and it just makes me hate that place and its people all over again.

UCLA at Oklahoma 1:00pm FOX

UCLA generally doesn’t do very well in early games and Oklahoma’s talent level is very obviously higher than the Bruins at every position. I don’t know what point to make here. Hopefully Rodney Anderson gets more than 5 carries this week but he might not need to.

Air Force at Florida Atlantic 2:00pm CBSSN / Facebook

FAU got murdered by Oklahoma last week so I’m a little bit intrigued by how Lane bounces back. Vegas really likes the Owls but I’m not really sure why.

Portland State at Oregon 2:00pm Pac-12N

This is some high quality trash. I won’t watch it due to dumb circumstances but I’d enjoy it if I could.

William & Mary at Virginia Tech 2:00pm ACCNExtra

The Hokies looked pretty good against FSU. I forgot all about Josh Jackson since he missed the 2017 season but I think he’s a pretty good college QB.

Kansas at Central Michigan 3:00pm ESPN Plus

What can you say about Kansas football without laughing maniacally?

Arkansas State at Alabama 3:30pm ESPN2

Red Wolves vs. Crimson Tide should be some sort of rivalry. Bama looks every bit as good as expected so this will probably be a bloodbath. In red.

Ball State at Notre Dame 3:30pm NBC

Notre Dame gets to walk around like a top 10 team for now but a 7-point win over Michigan at home in a game that felt like a blowout doesn’t strike me as a springboard to a CFB Playoff berth. Brian Kelly is still a shitty murderer so fuck him.

Buffalo at Temple 3:30pm ESPN3

Tyree Jackson threw 6 TDs last week while Temple was losing to Villanova. The result? Temple is favored by 5. That seems wrong. Are there really people betting their hearts in what looks like a classic degenerate’s matchup?

Colorado at Nebraska 3:30pm ABC

Big 8 rivals square off in the first game (probably!) of the Scott Frost era. Smart money is probably on Colorado.

Georgia at South Carolina 3:30pm CBS

If Coach Boom is going to make the most of his great roster he needs to spring the upset here. That doesn’t seem crazy to me so look for UGA to win by 40.

Howard at Kent State 3:30pm ESPN Plus

A bunch of 1-AA teams are in the watch ‘em ups for a second time this week but Howard is closest to my heart. Love the Bison to trample the Gun Girls.

Memphis at Navy 3:30pm CBSSN

This is the only game most years where I cheer against Memphis. I don’t have a great feeling about this Navy team, though, so my advice for you who are wondering is to put the mansion on Memphis to win by more than 6 and for the over to hit some time in the third quarter.

Morgan State at Akron 3:30pm ESPN Plus

I’ll leave this one to Soused.

North Carolina at East Carolina 3:30pm ESPNU

This game was in the maybe watch column on SB Nation’s grid this week and I can’t comprehend why this is anything but AVOID!!!!! even if they don’t offer that designation.

Rutgers at Ohio State 3:30pm BTN

Ohio State is out here with a boatload of talent and a scheme that mostly runs itself in games like this. I wish all bad things on the Ohio State football program but they have some really great players that I don’t hate.

Wagner at Syracuse 3:30pm ACCNExtra

Eric Dungey’s quest for a rushing title continues.

ETSU at Tennessee 4:00pm SECN

Without looking I think Tennessee is probably favored. By too much.

Lamar at Texas Tech 4:00pm FSN / FSGo

I make jokes about Lamar being just some dude every year and it’s dumb but I can’t look at Lamar and not think it’s just some dude instead of a team.

Southern Illinois at University of Mississippi 4:00pm SECNA

What’s up with fixing the mascot name but not the other super racist allusion in your sports programs? Progress of some sort, I guess. This is a body bag game of the lowest caliber.

Iowa State at Iowa 5:00pm FOX

Potentially cool game at college football’s most heartwarming stadium. Nothing here not to love.

North Dakota at Washington 5:00pm Pac-12N

Is this the same school that Carson Wentz went to? I’m not looking it up. A lot of you were all in on Auburn trashing UDub last week but that didn’t actually happen. Washington could still win 12 straight and end up back in playoff contention, even without their star LT.

Appalachian State at Charlotte 6:00pm ESPN Plus

Wild to think this is 1-A on 1-A.

Maryland at Bowling Green 6:00pm ESPN Plus

It was funny to see Texas lose and all but let’s all remember to hate the fuck out of Maryland’s coaches and program from here to eternity.

Savannah State at Miami (FL) 6:00pm ACCNExtra

There is no reason for most people to give a shit about this game but I’m interested to see if the freshman QBs are really bad or if Mark Richt is just being way too conservative with his roster by starting Malik Rosier. My gut says nobody is worse for this team than Rosier. I know Ahmmon Richards, for one, agrees with me.

SC State at UCF 6:00pm ESPN3

Here’s the national champs. Not gonna lose the winning streak here.

UMass at Georgia Southern 6:00pm ESPN Plus

Now we’re getting into some good degeneracy. There are too many other games at this same time to really dive into this shitfest but it’s real as hell to me.

Youngstown State at West Virginia 6:00pm ATTSN

I was looking at games on CBS Sports and they didn’t have a channel listed for this game. ATTSN = AT&T Sports Network, guessing a DirecTV exclusive? I love Holgo even if I kinda hate the Air Raid.

Eastern Kentucky at Marshall 6:30pm ESPN Plus

Here’s another great backup game. I don’t know if anybody good is on either team this year.

Baylor at UTSA 7:00pm CBSSN / Facebook

Ugh. Fucking Baylor. Go the fuck away forever, Baylor.

Clemson at Texas A&M 7:00pm ESPN

Until about 5 years ago Clemson and aTm were actually the same program. Now Clemson is a legit 5-star program and I fucking hate it. Not enough to root for the Aggies, mind you. Talent watching is pretty good in this one but the idea of Jimbo Fisher falling flat on his face in Aggieland is too good not to dream about.

Florida A&M at Troy 7:00pm ESPN Plus

Let’s go Rattlers!

Indiana State at Louisville 7:00pm ACCNExtra

Petrino might be on the verge of sunsetting unless he flukes his way into another megastar. Louisville looks like the most ACC of ACC teams right now even though they have no business being in the conference. This should be an AAC team all the way.

Southeastern La. at LSU 7:00pm ESPN2

I want to whisper to all of you that LSU really isn’t all that good but I’m typing and you’re maybe reading it instead.

Southern at LA Tech 7:00pm ESPN Plus

Louisiana Tech is one of my pet stupid programs. I always think they’re one random star recruit away from becoming the next offense lab in college football. This probably isn’t the year, though.

Texas Southern at Texas State 7:00pm KNVA/ESPN3

If anybody has more than a gambling interest in this one I am dying to hear about it. Seriously. Explain yourself.

UAB at Coastal Carolina 7:00pm ESPN Plus

Last week I insulted UAB’s football program and they went out and won 52-0, their first shutout victory in 10 years. So let me continue my campaign for them to drop the program again.

ULM at Southern Miss 7:00pm ESPN3

I don’t think I realized until right now that CUSA is the surviving shell of the old Metro Conference. I thought the Metro just died. Anyway, CUSA football is MACtion for degenerates. Meaning that I like it. This game got a shoutout on the NFL’s season opener so maybe it will draw an audience in the hundreds.

UT Martin at Middle Tennessee 7:00pm ESPN Plus

The Tee Martins are back! How does it feel to play football your whole life and go to college for football and then realize that you’re playing for the team that’s being paid to lay down to Middle Tennessee State? Not even like Wake Forest or somebody like that - worse! It still sounds kind of fun but embarrassing at the same time.

Wyoming at Missouri 7:00pm ESPNU

Drew Lock has some similar physical traits to Wyoming’s QB from last year but I think he’s gotten better coaching. Similar arm talent(!!!) at least. I don’t know about the raw athleticism which, no shit, Josh Allen has tons of. Anyway, Missouri should stomp all over Wyoming.

Samford at Florida State 7:20pm ACCNExtra

The Bobby Bowden Bowl! The immediate reactions to Willie Taggert at FSU were loud and angry but he needs some time to sort through the weird mess that the team devolved into last year. I don’t think he can keep running the offense he had at USF with this roster, though, and he needs to figure that out quickly.

Alabama State at Auburn 7:30pm SECNA

The Littlest Iron Bowl! Auburn is another team that didn’t look great to me in week 1. And they don’t have any obvious path to the playoffs.

Arkansas at Colorado State 7:30pm CBSSN

This might be the farthest an SEC team has traveled for a regular season game this century.

FIU at Old Dominion 7:30pm beIN SPORTS

Keep the faith in Butch Davis. It’ll turn out pretty well in the end. I think.

Fresno State at Minnesota 7:30pm FS1

I think CSU-Fresno had the highest point total in the country in week 1 but it came against 1-AA Idaho State. Yeah, I just wanted to drop a mention to Idaho State as a (once again) 1-AA team. This game is probably trash but it has the decency to be a dumb night game that nobody will notice unless it gets wild.

Incarnate Word at North Texas 7:30pm ESPN Plus

This is truly bottom of the barrel stuff but UNT does have the nation’s leader in passing yards per game!

Kentucky at Florida 7:30pm SECN

UF is really heavily favored to win their 32nd straight against Kentucky but why? The line is only 14 but odds are weighted like 88% for the Gators to win. Kentucky sucks but doesn’t Florida?

Maine at WKU 7:30pm ESPN Plus

A lot of oddball evening games this week. I like it.

Utah at NIU 7:30pm ESPNews

Northern Illinois got blown out by Iowa last week. Utah looked like hell for the first 30 minutes against Weber State. I don’t have a point. Utah will probably win by 20.

Virginia at Indiana 7:30pm BTN

UVA and IU are more similar than dissimilar historically speaking. This game makes me annoyed just knowing that it’s going to happen and that it’s on Big Ten Network. Get your shit together, Hoos.

Western Illinois at Illinois 7:30pm BTN

It would be so Lovie Smith to lose this game.

Cincinnati at Miami (Ohio) 8:00pm Raycom / ESPN3

I agree with what Ohio State fans were saying a few years back: Luke Fickell sucks.

New Mexico State at Utah State 8:00pm Facebook

Facebook? For this one? Boo hiss. This is prime gambling athletics, nobody should be tracking you as you watch this one.

Nicholls at Tulane 8:00pm ESPN3

Nicholls! The Nicholls Nickels! Tulane doesn’t get a lot of easy wins but I think we can all agree with some bit of confidence that Tulane may suck loudly but they’re still better than Kansas.

Penn State at Pitt 8:00pm ABC

I have an unhealthy and unrealistic need for Pitt to win this game.

Sacramento State at San Diego State 8:00pm No TV (!!!)

What in the goddamn fucking hell is SDSU doing with no TV coverage in 2018? Christ almighty. This is hilarious.

South Alabama at Oklahoma State 8:00pm FSN

I wish South Alabama was good enough to at least put the fear of god in Okie State but they really aren’t. Expect a typical early season massacre from the Cowboys.

Southern Utah at Oregon State 8:00pm Pac-12N

What the hell is this?

Tulsa at Texas 8:00pm LHN

Tulsa only beat Central Arkansas by 11 last week but Texas lost to Maryland. 23 points might be too much to expect for the Longhorns at this juncture.

USC at Stanford 8:30pm FOX

The Pac-12 is known for two things: bad scheduling and bad referees. Also, bad defenses so that makes three things. This is bad scheduling. Why is the most marketable game of your whole conference year happening in week 2 at 8:30pm EST? This is absolutely moronic.

UTEP at UNLV 9:00pm ATTSN

Ever since it popped into my head last year or the year before I just can’t get over UNLV being confederate-themed. What the hell is that?

California at BYU 10:15pm ESPN2

This is actually beautiful scheduling which makes me think BYU came up with it themselves. Great uniform matchup even if both teams stink.

UConn at Boise State �� 10:15pm ESPN2/ESPNU

Haha, UConn. What are you doing? How did this program actually make it to major bowl game in the last 10 years? They’re 31-point underdogs playing past their bedtimes against an OK-at-best Boise State team. This somehow feels earned.

Michigan State at Arizona State 10:45pm ESPN

Really not sure how Sparty agreed to this one but if I have one strong conviction from week 1 it’s that Herm Edwards should have stayed a TV talking head and left the coaching game to everybody else.

San Jose State at Washington State 11:00pm Pac-12N

Very fine watchin’ ‘em up here. You have to catch them all.

Rice at Hawai’i 11:59pm Spectrum

Spectrum is a station? Spectrum is a cable company. Anyway, Rice played Ed Oliver last week and now they have to face early RTARLsman frontrunner Cole McDonald. I’m cautiously bandwagoning for Hawai’i.