#it just keeps me busy and sane and makes my body keep working until i get some good brain chemical shipped in

[gideonisms]

ngl having bad brain times. Can you ever physically FEEL the lack of the get things done chemical

[mattsdolll]

𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 - 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐨 . . ୨୧

hockeyplayer!matt x quietgirl!reader

𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 . . their entire lives they've always had a strong disliking towards eachother, what happens when matt makes her cry? i've never wrote anything like this so feel free to critique ! this is soo cliché😭 ib: august by chase atlantic. enemies to lovers, somewhat forced proximity ??,kinda angst, smut, mention of panic attacks, no use of y/n, p in v, unprotected sex.

this is my first time writing semi-angst & smut so this is kinda basic and i lowkey hate this fic but i love the concept of it. more work coming soon since i'm finally out of my tumblr slump & will be more active, in honor of me back in my chase atlantic phase..

"how do we expect to be anything when we don't try to be anything?"

2.8k words

enjoy🤍

year eleven was tough on everyone, matt especially. he had always struggled with school but with hockey and midterms he was stressed. next year was graduation & everybody had to take school very seriously in the hopes they'd pass. he had a couple of friends aside from his brothers, most who he didn't speak to much. nick and chris were the few people that were keeping him sane during this period of his life, he hated it. hockey was his escape, it let him get his pent up frustration out in a healthy way. you and matt had never gotten along, as pathetic as it sounded you were "rivals".

your relationship with matt was agnostic, for no particular reason there was just a strong disliking towards you on his end - or so you thought. you were too busy doing better things in your life. you could never pinpoint why but he just couldn't tolerate you. your entire lives he just seemed stand-offish about you. about a year and a half ago, everything changed for the worse. you had gotten into a massive argument over something trivial, your memories of the fight were vague. ever since then you had ignored him and he returned the favor. he had taken a liking to one of your closest friend and you had an issue with it, believing she deserved better, she did. you could almost hear the anger coursing through his veins as he screamed at you that night

"you can't just fucking do that! i liked her and you..you messed up everything! i wish you would just-" the brunettes words echoed through your head, he was furious, frustrated and deeply hurt, you couldn't see that at the time. you wondered if you were wrong in trying to protect your friend. you wondered if he had good morals. you wondered if you made a mistake, did you make him hate you?

you were suddenly snapped out of your thoughts, your teacher calling on you to present your assignment to the class, the eyes of your classmates staring into the back of your head as you made your way to the front of the dull room. you began your presentation, a lame low effort articulation of your view on mental health until you met his gaze. the brunettes eyes pierced through your soul, that look of pure concentration was bothering you, it was somewhat troublesome, he wanted you to mess up, he knew the eye contact would make you lose focus, you pathetically stammered over your words. you forced the rest of your speech out of your mouth, returning to your seat, he smirked to himself, his eyes following your body as you walked. you wanted to crawl into a hole and die, you hated public speaking or expressing your feelings vocally, it was something you'd struggled with as a child, he knew that.

it was a cold night in august, fall dawning upon the small town. the leaves slowly dying, sweaters being worn, pumpkin spice becoming the not so new trend. one of your close friends had offered you tickets to the game tonight, held at the school's ice rink. you were hesitant. she gave her ticket to you because she had gotten sick and didn't want to put the ticket to waste. you had no plans tonight, never mind getting ready to actually leave your bed. you took a hot shower, the scorching water streaming down your body. you blow dried your hair, straightening it and tying a low ponytail, lacing a black bow around the brunette locks. you threw on baggy jeans along with a black tank top, small silver hoop earrings and white sneakers, along with a black jacket draped over your arm. you drove to the venue with heavy eyes. you touched up your mascara and lip gloss in the mirror, the remnants of your makeup from earlier still evident on your face. you made your way into the school stadium, the cool breeze of the ice hitting your skin.

the game was somewhat boring to you, you had no idea what it meant to shoot or what dribbling was, but you tried to make the most of it. there he was, only a few meters away from you. the boy skated around the ice flawlessly, the void-like pit in your stomach felt full, your insides fluttering. you couldn't help but be impressed, you had never seen him play before, you never realized he was so good. he scored a few goals, the score was 7-5. his team was ahead, until the opposing team knocked matt out of the way, causing him to tumble over, falling on the ice. the crowd gasped, the opposing team scoring three points for their goal. matt hit his mouth against his helmet, blood leaking from his lips, he skated to the bench, cleaning up. you felt suspense building in your stomach, his appearance disheveled, hair scruffy, face sweaty, you couldn't help but think he looked..different. were you enjoying this?

apparently you were, you didn't exactly like matt, you just enjoyed watching the games, the games where he was the most important player, over and over and over..seeing him get so frustrated, it was like some kind of amusing pastime. after one of the many games you'd attended. during one of the mid-season games, his team on a winning streak. he had "finally" spotted you in the crowd while on the ice, he nearly choked on his spit, seeing you watching him play, he felt a sense of cockiness rush through him, the urge to win now unbearable. he needed to prove how good he was, but why? he scored the winning point, his team cheering and celebrating, his friends lifted him up over their heads. on their way to the locker rooms. you took in the familiar sight of his disheveled, ruined appearance, drinking in the sight. he caught you staring, however, a cocky grin spreading across the boys lips. you attempted to mask your embarrassment but it was too late, he kicked off his gear in the locker room, changing everything but that hockey jersey. the short sleeved top hung off his body perfectly, the color contrasting his eyes.

"stalking me now?" he teased, sitting next to you on the bleachers, the way he sat so confidently all of a sudden, not like his usual self, his demeanor was alluring, you had never felt this way about him until now. well maybe since last month. "i wasn't stalking you, i had nothing better to do tonight" you tried to protest, he simply chuckled. "yeah? and last week, the week before..and before.." he drawled cockily, he had seen you, every game, gawking at him. how could you not have noticed? "you don't talk much, hm? didn't get taught how to communicate growing up?" you went quiet, you hated talking, you were never allowed to growing up. you had developed this "don't talk unless spoken to" mindset and it carried on into your school career, resulting in you having little to no friends. it was a very touchy subject to you and you hated how badly it got to you.

matt was only teasing, trying to make a conversation until the tears brimming your eyes almost instantly made matts cocky grin disappear, his expression now evident with worry. you felt the familiar feeling of your throat closing up, your heart began to throb harder. you couldn't even mutter out a word, you got up and headed out in fear of breaking down in front of him, the last person on earth you'd want to look weak in front of. you settled on the grass by a small garden on the school grounds outside a now locked and empty classroom.

the second you took off matt knew he had made a mistake, he rushed after you, somehow losing you in the process. he found you eventually, sitting down with your knees to your chest, calming yourself down. and in that moment, he saw himself in you. he knew how it felt, the horror washing over you as the air deflated from your lungs, your throat tightening, he hated that feeling. he knew it all too well. he needed to provide you some sense of comfort, solace from his touch. he made his way to you and sat next to you, gently putting a hand on your shoulder. "hey..breathe, you're okay." he whispered reassuring words into your ear. you weren't having a full blown panic attack like you usually would, but this was still bad. you felt the feeling slowly ease out of your body, you felt like you could breathe again. "thats it..doing so good.." he whispered into your ear, stroking your arm. his words went straight to your core, something about the tone or the resonance of his voice in that moment did something to you, you felt your inner thighs become drenched, your heat beginning to ache.

"i'm so sorry, yeah? i didn't mean to make you cry tonight, or that night last year, i liked her, a lot. she never spoke to me or even looked at me, i just wanted her. i was right there but she was busy doing other things, she was everything to me, her smile, her teeth when she smiled, her hair..that haircut, the way it shaped her face..i..i was in love, okay? and i couldn't have her." he rambled out. the things he had described were some kind of literary illusion. this "girl" he was describing was nothing like the girl he so called wanted. this "girl" he was describing didn't resemble her at all actually. this "girl" was you.

all along, he wanted you. you never wanted him back, but you wanted him now. was it too late? did you miss your chance? did he still have feelings for you? why did he ignore you for a year? your thoughts rushed through your brain scatteredly as you tried to form a single word. he tilted your face towards his, seeing that panicked expression written on your face. he wiped the tears that stained your cheeks, trying to make it up to you. you gazed up into his eyes, noticing the different shades of blue and slight haze of grey in them. you noticed the tiny freckles on his face, so slight you could only see them under the moonlight, you noticed the way his curls fell over his forehead so perfectly as if sculpted in God's vision precisely. he was so perfect. you held eye contact for a few seconds, you wished you could, taste him, savor him. you batted your eyelashes at him, and that was all it took to drive him insane; your eyes. the specks of color in them were so beautiful.

he noticed the pleading look in your eyes, as if you were begging for him to do it. it did him in. the last bit of his conscience telling him to stop fell away, and all that was left was his urge to kiss you. he got a bit closer, his hands still resting on your face as he inched his face closer to yours. he tilted your jaw and pressed his swollen lips into yours. your eyes fluttered shut, giving into his touch. the kiss lasted for what felt like hours. he prodded his tongue against you, silently begging you to let him kiss you deeper, his hands finding their way to your jaw, eliciting a soft gasp from your lips. he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue massaging yours. you felt yourself gravitating back toward the grass, him laying you down gently. his hand cupped the back of your head before you hit the ground.

it felt like sweet relief, pain and pleasure coursing through your body. you felt like you were on fire from how desperate you were for him in that moment. he hovered over you, gently kissing you. you tugged his jersey, pulling him further into you. your nails scratched down his back, almost hard enough to draw blood, drawing a guttural moan from him. he looked down at you desperately, your eyes flicked from his eyes to his lips

"i want this"

you whispered softly, finally vocalizing your wants. a new experience to you, yet it felt perfect with him. he looked down at you for reassurance. "yeah? you want this, pretty?" he cooed softly, your pussy ached. you gave a weak nod for him, giving him permission to touch you. "i want this, please." he sucked and nipped at your neck, pressing against you more, his touch gentle but eager. you writhed underneath him, the sensations throughout your nerves becoming unbearable. "matt..do you want this?" he paused briefly, staring at your face. "yeah pretty, i want this, i want you." his lips latched onto yours, trailing hot open mouthed kisses along your neck. his hips subconsciously rolled against yours rhythmically.

you felt his now hard cock pressing against your thigh, causing you to moan softly. you couldn't describe how badly you wanted him, he wanted you just as much, he was just hesitant to take you right then and there, in the middle of a garden. he wanted it to be special, but his need was overlapping his thoughts. he kissed you once more before pulling away. "need to feel you, fuck- pretty..please?" the boy begged, you nearly salivated at the sight. you gave a quick nod to which he quickly took his shirt off, hooking his fingers under the loops in your jeans, tugging them down. you quickly pulled your shirt off as well. he slowly stripped you of your clothes, leaving yourself in nothing but underwear. he groaned at the image, tugging his own pants down, his hard dick slapping against his stomach. it wasn't huge, but it was definitely big. his cock twitched in his hand as he pumped it a few times, pre-cum leaking furiously from the reddened tip.

you watched him in pleasure as he slowly approached you, lifting your hips a little. "lift your hips f'me" he mumbled, holding you in place. he pulled your panties down slowly and teasingly, you winced as the cold air hit your pussy. he rubbed his tip up and down your folds, admiring you. "such a pretty girl, hm? all f'me.." you crumbled, whimpering pathetically. a small smirk tugged on his lips as he eased into you, stretching your walls out. you groaned at the burn, it was uncomfortable but felt so good. he pulled out halfway before gently thrusting his hips into you again, letting you adjust a little. "fuck, angel youre so tight..have you never been fucked before?" he mewled, feeling you clench around him. you shaked your head weakly, pulling a desperate moan from him. he gradually picked up his pace, his cock going deeper with each thrust.

your pain faded into pleasure, small gasps leaving your swollen lips, he watched your tits bounce with each thrust, finding it incredibly endearing. he leaned his lips down to your nipple, sucking at the flesh gently. you laced your fingers through his loose locks, tugging the curls. he loved it, moaning against your breast. a string of saliva left his lips as he pulled his face up to look at you, your fucked out expression causing his cock to twitch harder. he buried his nose into your neck, speeding up more. the sound of skin slapping echoed through the halls, he panted softly. "shit, angel..'m so close..gonna cum, can i cum inside you, baby?" he whispered into your ear, how could you deny him when he begged so sweetly? you nodded, threading your fingers in his hair, the knot in your stomach beginning to unwind.

his thrusts grew sloppy, his cock twitching desperately. your walls enveloped him deeper and deeper. you gripped his shoulders, a pathetic whimper fell from his lips as his orgasm washed over him like a wave. cum spurted from his tip, painting your insides. your orgasm soon washed over you as well, both your liquids mixing at some point in the process. he slowly and carefully pulled out, looking down at you nervously. "was that okay? did i do good?" your jaw almost fell open, how could he ask that? "matt..that was fucking amazing" you mumbled softly, drawing a smile from his lips. he giggled softly, collapsing on you. he was like a whole new person, you barely recognized him. "yeah? i did good?" he giggled. you smiled sleepily. "mhm, so good."

he planted a gentle kiss to your lips, brushing a strand of messy hair out of your face. "pretty" he whispered admiringly. "can i take you home?" you nodded a little. you couldn't believe your life. you just had sex with the guy who you thought hated you for nearly two years, then again, how could you expect to be anything when you don't try to be anything?

. . .

tags !

@mattscoquette @blahbel668 @emely9274 @pearlzier @wompwomp-1

[queenie-avenue]

Take my hand, take my whole life too.

💌 ⤻ ft. THE CEO, THE CHEERLEADER, THE BASEBALL PLAYER, THE ACADEMIC RIVAL

—> Headcanons of an established relationship with the yanderes!

⤻ reader is gender neutral, reader for the cheerleader and the baseball player are the same, yandere, fluff (ignore the red flags), red flags (you actually can't ignore them), drugging, stalking, possessive behaviour, stealing of personal property, invasion of privacy, obsessive behaviour, photos without consent, slightly suggestive.

note: my first joint post with all the yanderes I have so far! this is honestly a celebratory post for me reaching a 100 followers. thank you so much for all your support <33 this post is very light on the yandere content, I'll probably make a post just inclusive of their more yandere tendencies. first post of 2024!

🦋 ⤻ archives

💌 ⤻ THE CEO, ADRIAN HOUDE

— Despite his professional exterior and PR-like smile, Adrian really melts for you. His love is passionate akin to a flame, and obsessive like a forest fire.

— Though he certainly has urges to tie you up and just never let you leave his luxury apartment, he is one of the most tolerant and sane one of all the other yandere characters.

— A gentleman. His grandma was a large part of his life, and he practically grew up with her teaching him how to treat a lady properly. He will never do anything untoward towards you and always asks whether it's okay to kiss you.

"May I kiss you?" He asked softly, his hands wrapped around your waist, his long pale fingers rubbing circles around your hip as he looked up at you expectantly. For such a ruthless man in the business world, he was like putty in your arms.

You smiled at him and nodded your head with a goofy grin as he leaned in.

Slowly, his lips claimed yours, suckling on your lower lip gently and sensually. His hands were bolder than usual, gripping you close to him on his couch. "You're such a gentleman." You whispered into his lips, making him smirk.

If only you knew the type of fantasies he had where he wasn't.

— His love language is physical touch. His hands always graze yours when no one is watching, his body pressed against yours in the elevator even when it's only the two of you. It's tamer at work, but at home, but the moment you get home, his hands are all over you.

— Prefers to keep the relationship private till engagement. His grandmother — sweet as she can be — is just like the rest of his family, judgemental when it comes to spouses. He wants to be in a place where no one can contest your love for each other. Even if they do, he's not going to change.

— Easily jealous. If you even breathe in the direction of another employee — regardless of gender because he sees anyone who interacts with you as a threat — he summons you into his office like it's time for an execution.

"Are you crazy?" He hissed at you, hands slamming you against the edge of his desk as he scooped you onto the glass table. "Doing that in front of me? Do you know how many documents I'm supposed to be looking through today?" He asked, not giving you the chance to answer by gripping your shoulders and hair, slightly tugging at it. It wasn't hard enough to be hurtful, but there was a slight sting.

His eyes were crazed as they darted between your lips and your eyes, glaring at them, as if trying to find a hint of interest in the person that had patted you on the back. What were seconds of staring felt like hours as his grip tightened.

"No, no. You're not leaving this office until I know you belong to me, and only me."

— Afterwards, though, he will be remorseful for snapping at you. He knows it's not your fault. You would never leave him, but he knows how naive you can be — even if you aren't — so he just wants to protect you! Everyone else is in the wrong, clearly.

Adrian's hand soothed down your back as he kissed your cheeks. "I'm sorry, mon chéri." He whispered as he ducked his head back into the curve of your neck. "I know I wasn't being a gentleman by getting mad at you... this isn't how my grandmother raised me to be." He sighed, disappointed in himself.

"It's fine." You promised, even if you were still a bit shaken up by his terrifying behaviour.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

How sorry could he actually be, though? He always did this and he always enjoyed the blush on your face afterwards.

— Although he buys you your favourite flowers, he does typically buy you roses as well. He is a traditional man, after all. (Unless you dislike roses, like me-)

— His nicknames for you are a mix between endearing English nicknames and romantic French Nicknames that make you shiver whenever he speaks: My love, my muse, little dressmaker, mon chéri, mon ange, chaton.

— If you can't tell, all his nicknames typically have 'my' in front. It's a subtle way of possessing you all for himself.

— Even if you both lived together, he would still steal your belongings like you had no idea he had a crush on you. Specifically, pens or your lotion or perfume if you use any. If you have journals, just know that it will be stolen to be read through once every week. Every thought belongs to him; all of you belong to him.

"Don't forget that, mon ange."

💌 ⤻ THE CHEERLEADER, KATIE WILLIAMS

— Always drags you to her games. However, she makes it very clear that you're there to watch her, not the team.

"Were your eyes on me the entire time, pom-pom?" She asked eagerly as she leaned against you, pressing a kiss to your sensitive neck.

"You weren't looking at Jesper, were you? You're only allowed to look at me, okay?" She insisted as you nodded, too tired from the cheering you did for the cheerleader to protest.

— Every weekend, she insists on a date. It doesn't need to be a fancy place but it can just simply be cuddling on the couch and watching a move. (Psst, her favourite movie is Jennifer's Body.)

— She can't cook very well, but she'll try, just for you! Most of the time, it's you who has to take over the cooking, though. Honestly, you're much better at cooking than she'll ever be. If you manage to burn water, she'll somehow catch it on fire.

— Very decent at baking, though! She likes making cookies for you. Which may or may not be laced with some sleeping pills. Or some other drug that will make you more... relaxed as she snoops through your belongings.

— Her nicknames for you are all very cutesy and girly, to the point some of her teammates cringe at them: pom-pom, kitten, cinnamon roll, sponge cake.

— Her love language is words of affirmation. She just loves praising you, okay? She just needs to praise you. I mean, you're literally perfect.

"Your hair is like- so pretty." She commented, playing with your locks of hair, running her fingers through it as her eyes focused on each strand; obsessed. "I can't believe I'm dating someone with such nice hair." She blurted out, which made you laugh.

"What?" You chuckled.

"You know what I mean, I just love you so much. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"I feel sorry for you if that's the case." You attempted to joke, but for the next hour, she made sure you knew you were the best with her actions and words.

— The easily jealous type. When she's jealous, she wraps her arms around your waist and pulls you in, making sure you can't escape.

— Likes to spray perfume over your clothes so everyone knows you belong to her and only her. She goes to crazy lengths to ensure no one has the same perfume as her so that it'll be clear who you are with.

"Oh? You think [y/n]'s copying my style?" She asked one of the cheerleaders, a giddy smile on her face. "Why?"

"I mean, I get that you're their girlfriend, but she's kind of smelling like you now too. Isn't that a bit creepy?" Katie simply smiled at the comment and told her to mind her own business. How dare someone insinuate that you're creepy? Even if you were creepy, she'd love you. Like a small thing like that could stop her.

💌 ⤻ THE BASEBALL PLAYER, JESPER HARGREAVES

— The definition of a golden retriever. He is always clingy to you, and wants your attention almost all the time.

— Of all the characters, he is possibly the one who will resort to violence the most when it comes to you.

— His love language is a mixture of quality time and physical touch.

"Where are you going?" Jesper whined as he tried to grab at your waist. "Don't leave... I only just came." That was a complete lie, Jesper had been here with you for hours, skipping practice just so he could hang out with his darling.

"I need to get to the library to study for this test." You tried to reason with him.

"The library? But you can just study here! I promise I'll be quiet, and I won't bother you!" He whimpered, gripping onto you tighter.

"Fine." You sighed as Jesper got his way again.

— Whenever you come to watch his practices, he makes sure to work extra hard just to impress you. He's the star athlete, so he's already the best on the team, but everyone can tell he works harder when your eyes are on him. If you're not there, he'll slack off a bit so his team has to make sure that you're always there when it comes to matches or they'll lose.

— After matches — despite the fact he's drenched in sweat — he will always come running up to you, irregardless of whether you like it when he hugs you when you're sweaty or not.

— Will and can beat up someone for you if they disrespect you. He's a sweet boy, but only for you, he can be quite brutal when you're not there.

Jesper looked down at the bruised guy beneath his foot. "Touch them again, and I'll make sure I'll give you a matching black eye, asshole." He hissed.

— Jesper likes to fold origami flowers for you. Of course, there's also variety in what he makes, but if you have a favourite flower or animal, he'll always make some and place it on your desk. The question that remained was how did he manage to do that before you guys got together and you gave him the extra key to your dorm?

— If you ever blame him for anything or you get antsy with him, he just assumes it's either he did something wrong or your friends said something about him to make you not like him.

💌 ⤻ THE ACADEMIC RIVAL, SEO MIN-JUN

— Will honestly be the most loving thing there is on the planet to make up for all the bullying he did to you.

— Probably manipulated you into dating him, to be honest.

— Despite how it may seem, Min-jun pays a lot of attention to you — it helps with the fact he stalks you a lot — and will often pick up on your wants and needs before you even know it. Sometimes, when you're hungry in class, he'll slide over your favourite protein bar or a piece of honey candy from a brand you like.

— Korea is huge on fashion trends and while Min-jun is rather neutral about it all, he insists heavily on wearing certain things that are typical 'couple-matching' with you.

"I got you something." He said, dumping the small gift bag on your desk, his eyes narrowing as you looked at the bag with curiosity.

"Can I open it?" You asked meekly, still a bit concerned with how sweet he was acting now that the both of you were... dating. He nodded his head, and you fished out a pair of matching rings. Knowing your boyfriend's pride, the diamonds on them were no doubt real.

"You'll wear them, won't you?" God, he was still scary, even after being tamed by being your boyfriend.

— Will introduce you to his parents fairly early on. He wants to make it clear that both of you are dating to get married. Nothing less.

— His love language is probably acts of service with a mix of gift giving.

He slid a pen over to you. "I heard your pen broke because you stupidly stepped on it. I got this made especially so it won't snap that easily.

"Unless you're that idiotic to be able to break even this material." He sighed as he rested his head on your shoulder, only quickly shooting up when he realised both of you were still in class. Darn it, you and you stupid face!

He had a reputation to uphold, you know!

— "Study sessions" almost everyday, uh-huh. Right. Sure, both of you study for maybe three hours but then the moment the clock his the three hour mark, it's time for him to bully you with his addictive kisses.

— His kisses are honestly a bit sloppy. Can you blame him? He's never had a partner before, he used to be so focused on studies before you stole his attention.

— No matter what, he is still competitive with you, and his mean side can slip out. Especially when you anger him.

"Are you making fun of me?" He hissed as he pinned you against his king sized bed, his legs over yours to ensure you do not escape him. "Answer me." Min-jun seethed as he used his free hand to grip your chin tightly.

"Look at me. Answer the question, yeo-bo."

— He knows that he's a catch, but he refuses to let you interact with anyone that you could possibly be attracted to. He goes crazy to the point of actually warning other students to not interact with you, isolating you so you'd only be with him.

— His nicknames for you are: yeo-bo (a term of endearment used between married couples in korea), my rival. He has the least nicknames for you.

[justplainwhump]

Re-Ac

The aftermath of Bea's capture.

[Pet Safety Masterlist]

Content / warning: BBU setting, double agent caretaker, (short) recapture, very vaguely implied noncon, nightmares, guilt issues, hint at body dysphoria.

"Why did you tell her to do that?" Adrian pulled down the scarf covering his face and swiveled to face Marta. "Why? They'll hurt her. They'll - shit, Marta, you know what they'll do. Do you really think they'll give her back? They're fucking Re-ac, if the bounty on a runaway isn't high enough they'll just -"

"It's on you," Marta cut him off icily. "Why did you do that? Why did you even talk to the kid? Why did you need to go and care for him for fuck's sake? What if someone saw you? What if Bea hadn't been there?" She raised a finger to his chest and pushed him back. "You risked everything we have. You jeopardized your cover, our connection, our entire fucking operation."

"That's not -"

"I like Bea, Adrian. I do. I don't want to lose her. But if it's her or you, if it's one escaped pet or an asset deep in WRU management, making that call is ridiculously easy. And it's a call you should've made in the first place. Not between her and you, but that pet and you."

Adrian shook his head. "What the fuck? What kind of a person are you, Marta? You're in this to save pets. Bea is-"

"A hero. She is. And I will pray for her safe return. But she did the sane thing, Adri. She saved you. Your cover. You're not just one random pet lib guy any longer. Not just my baby brother. You're more. You're hope for dozens, you're hope to topple this fucking system. You're a spy, Adri." She pulled his phone from his back pocket and shoved it against his chest. "Fucking act like one. Call it in."

"What?"

"Your pet ran away, remember? You gotta be looking for her. Be convincing, and she might stand a chance."

---

When he finally fell asleep that night, Adrian dreamt of Eric. 

He tried to reach him, tell him he was sorry, tell him he missed him, but his voice was gone. Eric cocked his head, in the way all WRU pets did, polite and inviting, and not understanding anything at all.

When Adrian tried to reach out, his hand ran through thin air, Eric dissolving right under his grasp. "You're late," Eric's voice lingered, softly shifting into another. "You're late, Adrian Delgado."

He woke up covered in sweat, entangled in Bea's bedsheets.

It was 4:30.

He got up anyway, splashed cold water on his face and took the bike to work through the still hot night air. 

There was no report of her at the office.

Not when he arrived, not when he refreshed his mail, not after the next ten refreshes, not five minutes later.

He started to work eventually, a restless tremble to his hands. Sorting through reports, pictures, descriptions. 

He skipped lunch. It didn't stop his boss from standing in his door without knocking. "Hear you're having trouble with your bonus pet?"

"She ran." Adrian covered his face with a hand. "'Having trouble' is one way to put it. She's been perfect before."

"I offered you an upper on her conditioning."

"You offered me an upper on her bedroom specifics, Kelly." He sighed. "I can assure you, that wasn't the issue."

"Huh. Well. You look like shit."

"Well, I spent half the night looking for her. It's not like she was cheap."

She looked him down with a frown, before she pursed her lips and nodded. "Yeah. I'll place a call to Re-Ac. See if they can priorize the search."

Search. He had to keep himself from laughing out at the term. He'd seen the re-ac van speed off, with Bea in it. There was no search going on anywhere. The only thing going on was - no. No. He wouldn't let his mind wander down that path. 

Instead, he forced a pained smile on his lips and nodded to her.

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

---

The call came in the late evening. Adrian hadn't left the office building, kept himself busy with all sorts of case documentation and paperwork, until the letters and words on the screen had started dancing in front of his eyes. 

"PSI Delgado? You're lucky. Your pet was picked up by a re-ac team." The voice was cheerful.

Adrian didn't think there was any reason to be. Should he feel relieved? Probably. Re-Ac's reputation wasn't for nothing. They were brutal. Not every pet they picked up made it into their records. And not every pet that made it into the records came back the same. 

Twenty-six hours since he'd seen the van speed off. A lot could happen in twenty-six hours.

"PSI Delgado? Are you still there?"

"Yes," he hurried to say. "Yes, I'm here. Where… where is she? Where can I get her?"

—

He couldn't even remember the drive to the WRU facility some miles into the outskirts of town, far from the pretty, polished office building where he and most of administration were based. The facility was plain, hostile and maze-like, with low ceilings and white tiles. And even in the night heat still radiating from the desert around them, it was freezing inside. 

Bea wasn't wearing anything more than a plain white tee and black shorts anyway. There was a white bandage fixed over her eye, instead of the black eyepatch she'd had before. She was kneeling on the white tiles of a training room, hands open on her knees, back straight, gaze forward. Perfect position two, if not for the tiny shiver of her shoulders in the cold. Then again, it wasn't like WRU didn't want them to shiver.

Adrian caught himself, before he could rest his hands on the control room's mirrored glass in front of him. She couldn't even see him. 

"What did you do to her?"

The handler sprawled on the desk in the room pushed a button, and the glass turned opaque. "I gotta ask you some questions, before I can let her go. Make sure her attitude doesn't become a liability for the company."

Liability. Marta's voice echoed in his head. You can't let her become a liability, Adri.

He felt his fingernails dig into his palms in his pockets, and carefully unclenched his fists. Fuck. If anyone here was becoming a liability, he wagered, it was himself.

He decided to ignore the handler's words, just as the other man had Adrian's question. Still, he turned around to face him. 

"Where are her clothes?" Adrian's voice came out pressed. He didn't care.

"Burned." The handler shrugged. "She was picked up in man's clothes, must've gotten them on the streets somewhere."

"She didn't," Adrian replied flatly.

"She didn't?" The handler paused and flipped the tablet in his hands for Adrian to see. A photo. Bea, in front of a white wall, a huge bruise on the side of her face, her eyepatch loose, yet her gaze boring straight into the camera. 

Proud, Adrian thought, biting back sudden bile rising in his throat. Bea looked proud. 

"That?" The handler asked, gesturing at the photo her baggy work pants, the oversized band shirt. The clothes barely covered the fresh bruises blooming on her skin. 

Adrian shoved his hands into his pockets, feeling his fingers curl into fists again.

The handler tossed a plastic bag on the table, a ripped black piece of garment in it. 

"She was wearing a fucking binder underneath." He huffed. "You want to tell me that's the clothes you yourself put your Romantic in? Wow, Delgado, you've really got some issues, don't you?"

"Careful," Adrian said sharply. "Don't forget that I outrank you, handler. What I do with my Romantic is none of your business."

"Unless your property runs away and behaves like a little bitch." He smirked. "Then it is my business, and I must say, PSI Delgado, your little whore has no respect in her at all. How long has she been gone? She must've been in bad company."

"She's been gone for less than a day, actually." Adrian lifted his chin. There was no choice but to counter the implications head-on. "Her attitude is not on me though. It's all in her files. She's had trouble adjusting. Refurb messed with her conditioning."

"Interesting, though," the handler murmured, looking up at Adrian with a condescending smirk. "Given that you certainly both have the training and the tools at hand to work with pets that have an attitude."

"I'll work with her." Adrian's jaw clenched. "Now. I don't have all day. Can I take her?"

"I recommend handing her in for retraining." The man folded his arms and leaned back. "Next time we pick her up on the streets, we'll have to book her for obedience training anyway, you know that. Company policy."

"She won't run again."

"Not anytime soon, indeed," the handler confirmed smugly. "Her ankle is broken."

"You broke her ankle?" Adrian's gaze flew back to the opaque window.

"Not personally."

"Fuck you."

"Careful yourself, Delgado. You seem to forget what she is." He paused, eyes squinted. "Or do you forget, what you are?"

Adrian's teeth clenched. Internally, he started counting his breaths. "Sorry," he said at four, giving a disgruntled smile. "It's been a stressful time. It's different, being an owner instead of a handler. I hadn't expected her to run."

"Huh."

"Thank you." The words tasted like ash in his mouth. "For getting her back."

"For disciplining her?"

Adrian knew the tone. The question. The intent behind it. The man was a handler. Getting people to thank him for horrendous things was his profession. 

Adrian was losing this battle, big time. He had to let it happen. There was more at stake than his integrity.

"Yeah." Adrian's hands curled into fists, fingernails digging deep into his palms. "Thank you for that, too, Handler." He smiled, sharp as a knife's edge. "But I dare you to speak to me like to a trainee again. Keep that for your actual job. After all, might always be your name is drawn for a safety inspection. And PS is thorough."

"Yeah." He mirrored Adrian's tone, cold and cautious. "Of course."

"Now. Do I get my property back?"

"Of course, PSI Delgado." The handler got up and gestured towards the door. "Be my guest."

Adrian kept his steps measured as he walked out toward the training cell, knowing the handler was right behind him. 

He lifted his keycard to the reader, waiting for the little beep to acknowledge it worked. It should. PS was supposed to have access to all low and medium security areas in any facility. 

The door slid open with a hydraulic hiss. Bea pressed her forehead against the floor. Respect position. "Master," she whispered. Her voice was hoarse. Why, he wondered, and then banned the thought. They'd deal with everything, once they were back home. 

From up close, he could see the fresh bruises taking shape on her tanned skin. There was an elastic bandage around her ankle. It looked professionally taken care of, at least.

He didn't think he could handle talking to her. He addressed the other man, instead. "What do you think I'm going to do with a lame pet, Handler? Get her a crutch or two. I'm certainly not going to carry her."

He wanted to. Close his arms around her, lift her up, kiss her, carry her out of this place, to safety, to the end of the world.

But he wouldn't.

She'd just risked her life - her entire existence - to keep his cover. He'd had the much easier part in this. And yet he'd jeopardized it a dozen times in this conversation alone. 

He'd treat her like trash. He owed it to her. What a cruel fucking mess.

"Forgive me, Master."

"Shut up," he said roughly. "We'll deal with your misbehavior at home. Make sure this never happens again. And get up."

A crutch was tossed to the ground next to her, and with its help, Bea struggled to get to her feet. Her usual elegance was tainted with pain and exhaustion.

The handler clicked his tongue in disapproval, thumb hovering over the little controller in his hand.

"Give me that," Adrian said. "I'll take it."

"I thought PS said, shock collars on pets are illegal outside of WRU facilities."

"We do make exceptions." Adrian turned to him and reached out. The handler dropped the controller into his palm, and Adrian smiled. "In important cases."

By his side, he heard the crutch clatter to the ground, a muffled yelp from Bea. "Sir." She was on the ground again in respect position, shivering violently. Adrian stared at the controller. Had he accidentally-? No, it couldn't-

"Well, well." A deep voice mused behind him, cowboy boots clicking on the tiles. "I guess I wasn't important enough for Inspector Delgado then."

"Mr Donnell," the handler said, his face suddenly pale. "I'm sorry, haven't you been notified? That alarm we've send you must've been based on deprecated data. It wasn't one of your current ones. We-"

"It's alright," Jack Donnell said with a wide smile that didn't even try to reach his eyes. "I believe fate has brought me to the right place anyway."

----

-

pet safety tag list (ask to be added or removed!): @gottawhump @flowersarefreetherapy @whumplr-reader @highwaywhump @tauntedoctopuses

@pigeonwhumps @whumppsychology @labgrowndemon @whumpinggrounds @somewhumpyguy

@whumpzone @tragedyinblue @theelvishcowgirl @light-me-on-pyre @whumps-and-bumps

[aghoststorycomic]

A GHOST STORY HAS (NOT) UPDATED!! THE AUTHOR IS DEAD....TIRED.

TODAY’S UPDATE: HERE START THIS CHAPTER: HERE START FROM THE TOP: HERE

first, because of how flighty i've been with updates, i would like to encourage you to use an RSS feed reader and add the "a ghost story" RSS feed to it by clicking "find feeds in page" or "add new feed" and entering www.aghoststorycomic.com/. or dragging and dropping it if you use a different RSS feed reader. rss feeds are how the ancients used to navigate the web and through it they knew when things updated immediately. using an RSS feed has 2 major benefits: 1. you can get updates without having to use any social media or following my social media. 2. you can keep up with the comic when updates get sporadic without having to hopefully remember to check it some day in the future.

second, i do not like to advertise the patreon when i am behind on rewards and have been unable to deliver anything of interest beyond comic pages for a while, but consider throwing a buck a month at me to see pages a month early. that's something.

i realize that webcomics really need reliability to survive, so i'm genuinely so annoyed and so unhappy that i'm in this situation. i toughed it out as long as i could, but this final leg has been the fucking pits. it sucks. effexor is a notorious nightmare of an antidepressant to get off of and boy were they not kidding. i'm down to a quarter pill doses, but my body is rampaging because i'm not dosing it with the norepinephrine treat its become accustomed to. its never so much that i'm like, in acute physical or mental distress, its just bad enough that it makes working consistently hard. i had a buffer up until this last month when it was completely used up because i was too busy thinking about how bad my entire face hurt. or how my eyes felt like they were vibrating out of my skull.

i started effexor two years ago and was on a pretty high dose. i got the most bizarre and unpleasant side effects on this drug and the reason i didn't do anything about it was because the drug's primary effect was to instill me with a sense of overwhelming apathy. this is a great effect (intentional? i'm not sure) to have when the symptom you were trying to treat was "unbearable anxiety". not joking, it worked incredibly well for at least getting me mentally back to a baseline level of sane. after that, though, with nothing irrational to be apathetic about, my brain decided that household chores, basic hygiene, and my job were pointless and stupid or unpleasant. food tasted bad. not bland, bad. showers felt annoying instead of relaxing. i would look at the dishes piling up in the sink, the barest minimum i should be doing around the house on a daily basis to maintain a comfortable living space and would think "well that is just impossible".

but i was also putting up with a lot of stupid shit from my body. it made my right hand fingers and lower back feel distractingly stiff. my lip was split for a year straight and would re-open every time i opened my mouth. my nose and gums had open sores. i got a rash on my face that lead me down a rabbit hole for months trying to figure out if i do or don't have lupus (i dont)(neat). i would get insomnia so bad i would be up for 36 hours regularly, but i was too tired to get anything done. and with the withdrawals i would get all of those and as an added bonus i got to enjoy body aches that felt like bruises all over my body. they hurt so bad that laying on the couch was uncomfortable as a consequence of newton's third law. and i'd have weird meltdowns about the cats hating me (?). i am only boring you with all of this whining to try to explain the amount of distractions i was fending off while still trying to be a productive member of a household, experiencing common adulthood problems galore (basement....), and trying to create comics for you and for me. i am telling you this because it sucked, and sucks, so bad.

on top of everything else, the impact the effexor has had on my creativity has been eye-opening. i realized there was a correlation between my dosages increasing and my ability to draw nosediving. the "impossible" feeling of the dishes carried over to my comic work which got lazier and worse and i knew it and it was frustrating. there is a special kind of shame and guilt you develop when you charge someone for something you know is not your best work, just the best you could do in the moment. or when you are just sitting in front of your computer staring at it blankly and thinking about how much you'd like to draw if only it wasn't the hardest thing in the world. you feel like a lazy sack of shit, knowing that there is nothing physically preventing you from working. your brain simply cannot make

i started the weaning process in i think november so am pretty much on track for this to actually be over soon. there's light at the end of the tunnel. its happening. and there are bright moments in between doses where i can actually do things. like right now! i drew this very easily instead of being in hell for hours. but these precious moments are short lived until the withdrawal symptoms start up and i have to take another pill that nerfs me.

anyway APRIL 6th! dont forget me or ill cry.

[echoes-lighthouse]

Freakiest Thing Each Of My Selfships Is Into <3

I was just scrolling through the tag and remembered how much I fucking love hearing about other people's niche kinks so I decided to make a post about the weirdest side of my selfships :D

My platonic selfships are of course excluded and my nostalgia selfships are also excluded because they're weird enough without adding extra kinks to them. Also, most of these are focused on my f/os rather than my s/is because I'm like 90% ace but still interested in kink and also fictional sex with my f/os.

Anyways they're under the readmore because I don't tend to post n$fw on this blog so I don't expect everyone to have the tags blocked! Please dni if under 18, etc

Jester- she likes being free-use on occasion so we'll have nice big parties with her on a table and everyone is well-trained on the rules and her safewords and she gets dicked down proper and I tell her she's doing a great job

Tate- absolutely rampant mommy kink, which wouldn't be quite so weird if his mother didn't live next door :I

Himiko- feral kitten play, baby! Especially if we're showing off for the other LoV members, we go full kitty mode and draw lots of blood and tumble around together and have fun

Tomura- age play in all of the most extremes: diapers and bottles and gloves that curl his fingers into a fist so he can't use his quirk or his hands, poor baby

Toshi- we're like 80% vanilla but we have done a couple of me-as-student, him-as-teacher roleplays that get us both going partially because of how absolutely taboo it is for both of us

Zero- uhhhh, it's Rick Sanchez I don't know what the craziest could possibly be? we have a lot of public sex at those kinds of parties, or on planets where that's the norm. I like to control him while he's having sex with someone else, tell him exactly what to do while he pleases them. OH, we do consensual non-consent scenes and somnophilia scenes, that's probably the wildest stuff maybe?

Val- the extremely vore-adjacent experience of having sex in someone else's body: the intimacy of making love in their bloodstream, nestled against a single red blood cell

Grell- blood play that is not safe or sane, but very much consensual: we got a little carried away one time and I almost bled out afterwards but I was okay: she's vicious with a scalpel, what can I say? My beloved half of Jack the Ripper.

Cecil- our relationship is 95% platonic but he's had a few phases where he's worked up enough to use me: it's kind of a sex doll situation where I'm not very active and I keep to a smaller form and let him do whatever he wants

Tumblr- we're still in the experimentation phase! nothing too wild in this relationship: she has a bit of a daddy kink (and a praise kink) but that's about it.

Monokuma- exhibitionism, baby, I'm out here doing a solo show for the cameras until I get some sweet bear loving. Technosexuality, I suppose? I would like to make him overheat ^-^

Death- hmmm, just some body worship: I could eat her out for hours and I think I do, when she lets me. Cock warming if she's got one for the day.

Gertrude- not very exciting: lots of cliche artsy lesbian things like oils and massages, waxplay and foodplay, painting each other nude and overflowing the bath by accident when we're cleaning up

Dirk- plushophilia, dubious consent, and forced orgasms: control over the other person's orgasm is one of the ultimate powers in our relationship and it swings both ways in turn

Jonah- *chanting* desk sex, desk sex, desk sex... cockwarming and powerplay. he takes out his frustration over bad business deals on me and I'm very ready for it, but sometimes I put up a fight just so he can wear himself out a bit more getting me where he wants me

Which do you think is the wildest?? I think I'm too close to really choose. You should do this with your selfships also if you'd like to!! I really do like hearing about characters and people's niche kink preferences and I think selfship/kink crossovers are something I don't see enough of.

[tantalizingtopi]

Entangled

Halsin x Dark Urge

Word Count: 1088

Disclaimer: all characters are owned by Larian Studios and Baldur’s Gate 3.

Post events of Baldur’s Gate 3. Dark Urge has settled into a more peaceful way of life, but is still troubled by her past.

Just a quick little something with a different character pairing.

The wilds have become home to me over the last few months, particularly as we continue to work to revitalize the lands surrounding moonrise towers. The shadows have lifted but there is still much to do and sunrise to sunset is spent toiling away most days. I enjoy it, as it keeps me busy and doesn’t allow for the intrusive thoughts to take root during the waking hours. And if I’ve had an especially exhausting day, I can slip into a blissful dreamless state free from what haunts me.

But many nights I’m jolted awake in a panic, heart racing and blood pounding in my ears. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe and I gasp and cough, clutching at my throat. Sometimes I’m screaming and I don’t even realize it. My poor love never leaves my side during these moments, instead holding me and comforting me with his presence. I often wonder why he stays with me, doesn’t at least rest elsewhere, with so many other burdens on his shoulders. I hadn’t thought I’d ever be yet another thing he has to carry.

Even though my father does not have his hold on me any longer, my mind still continues to try and make due with the fragments from my past, connecting pieces together that may or may not fit. How long have I lived, how many times have I been slain, how many methods of torture did I inflict and endure? How many times did I awake, even in the short time with Kressa, twisted and broken beyond recognition? I feel so very near madness all the time, standing on the precipice and looking over into the abyss, feeling the rock cracking beneath my feet.

Right now, however, those feet carry me further from the settlement, farther into the wilds. I long to train, to practice the very things that keep me safe, keep me sane, the movements and incantations that are as much a part of me as my flesh. Lately, the only magic I’ve been able to use are healing spells and little tricks to entertain the many children who we look after. While my sinister compulsions no longer drive me, the desire to utilize my more destructive abilities has only grown in the light of domestication.

I find a small clearing and begin to put myself through the paces, my body responding instinctively to the imagined stimuli, my spells ricocheting off the stones and absorbing into the ground harmlessly and my blades twist, slicing through the air in a fever pitch reserved for droves of opponents. I train until beads of sweat roll down my spine, until my breath comes in hard bursts. I train with every weapon in my arsenal, from daggers to quarterstaffs, shortbows to hand crossbows. I fight as hard against the imagined foes as I did the Githyanki warriors.

My hands on my knees as I try to steady my breathing and slow my heartbeat, I sense something watching me, the familiar tingle of alertness running through my person. I stay still, trying to figure out where the creature is without raising suspicion, casting a furtive glance around but unable to notice anything that stands out. I pick up the staff on the ground in front of my feet and slowly rise. While the shadow curse has been lifted, some of the creatures still remain, although there haven't been any recent reports.

I feel the ground shift beneath me and before I can react, vines spring up and grip me, holding me in place. Panic threatens to bubble up inside me as I rub my fingers together to create a flame. I speak the incantation and push it to the vines, “Ignis!”

The vines char, but continue to make quick work of me, rushing up my legs and back, coiling tightly around me. I fight to keep my arms free but this is no regular entanglement and soon I’m immobilized completely. I thrash against the plant, stilling only when I hear the chuckle behind me. “I am pleased, my heart.”

My lover stands before me, smiling down at me even as his spell holds me fast. I glare back at him, but feel my own smile dancing across my lips, try as I might to keep myself in check. He palms my cheek, brushing his thumb over the cut in my eyebrow. “Your battle hard edges have begun to soften, I see.”

“That’s not a good thing, what if we are needed again?” I nearly whine my frustration at him.

“Then we will cut down a few lesser foes first, of course. And it is a good thing, only a few short months ago and you would have driven a blade through my heart before you could even see who I was walking up on you like this.”

The vines begin to loosen and I twist out of them, moving away from their grasp. “I fail to see the upside of me not having done that, and also why you were unhinged enough to see how I would react.”

“It means you feel comfortable and safe, and able to let your guard down. I hoped I would be a familiar enough presence that I could get close enough without you noticing me. You are growing and changing, continuing to defy your birthright and find your true self.”

“Well, I was True Soul so it only makes sense I would find my True Self.”

Halsin’s booming laugh is a balm on my irritation. Standing next to him I feel like he could shield me from anything wicked that may come our way. He is a comfort to me even just within eyesight. I begin to pick up the various weapons and other items I had brought with me, and he frowns. “I hope I did not interrupt your training.”

“No, I was done for today anyway. I need to go hunting and find something before the day ends, I promised Okta,” I say, beginning to take my leather armor off.

I feel his gaze on me, the hunger and need wafting off of him as I strip, but I keep my eyes down, knowing if I were to look at him there would be nothing for me to present to the elderly tiefling.

“You know, I can think of more than one way to use that spell,” Halsin’s voice takes on a husky edge and I can’t help myself. I catch his gaze and smile in nothing but my underclothes.

[ramayantika]

Mathura Nagarpati

Inspired from Rukmini Vijayakumar's dance video on the same song from Raincoat. I had once posted a script kinda thingy about this to make a dance piece. Here, I will write a fic on the same. Also I apologize beforehand if this makes you cry by the end. :)

»»————> ✿ <————««

My dearest friend, Shyamala walks beside me to the Yamuna to fill our water pots for our household needs. We have been doing this from childhood, and even though I do have a daughter-in-law now, who is more fit to carry these pots from the river to back home, I always insist to do it everyday for old times sake. Also, she is already too busy to take care of my grand daughter and other household works.

For old times' sake....

SPLASH!

Shyamala and I raise our heads up to see who fell into the river, only to meet a fun sight of a couple of kids frolicking in the Yamuna. Two little girls were laughing, their hands clutching their tummies while three boys adorable pouted at them. The river had crowned a boy's head with a lotus leaf.

I look at Shyamala. Her now thin lips carry a small smile at the children. Her eyes instinctively turn towards mine, and she says, "Once, we were young like them too. Good times, wasn't it." She touched her lower back and continued, "Only if, I wouldn't suffer from this wretched back ache, I would definitely call the others and jump into the river just like we used to do it back then. I wish I could do it once again – for old times' sake."

Sitting down by the riverbank, wincing slightly at the pain in my knee joints, I reply, "You know, you can send Malati to bring water. This back pain takes a toll on you every time."

Chuckling, she moves a pot into the gracious river, saying "I am old. I need to exercise my body so that I still remain active and sane until my last breath. Also, I keep doing this just to revisit my memories."

Ah... looks like we all engaged ourselves in such activities to painfully remind ourselves of our bittersweet memories with him.

"It's all for old times' sake." I hear her mutter. Quietly, I decide to fill my pots when for a moment, I notice something unusual in my reflection.

Once I was young and pretty, and whenever he was around me, I always felt like the most beautiful girl in the world. And when he left, I no longer cared how beautiful I looked. Now that, my hair has gone grey, my pretty face, saggy and wrinkled, my limbs no longer agile, I don't find any reason to sit and admire my long lost beauty.

But, today, there was something different. It wasn't as if my face looking drastically young in the reflection, but a single lone peacock feathers on my head.

God, was he too undergoing the old times' sake feeling like all of us?

"Shyamala, is there something on my head?" I ask, pointing at my head.

"Except that yellow odhni on your head, and that pretty gorgeous white hair, you have nothing."

Amused, I retort, "My husband even doesn't compliment my hair, the way you do. 'Pretty gorgeous hair' They have lost their thickness!"

My friend ducks her pot in the water, which erupts with a pop sound and says, "You still have some volume left in them. Look at mine -- these are threads."

A high pitched scream from the opposite side of the river alerts us away from out hair thinning concerns.

"Munna, you evil brat. Wait, till I show you," shouted one of the girls who was pushed into the river.

Shyamala clears her throat and called the children. "Kids, you better not venture too far into the river. Stay near the banks and play. Also, stop pushing each other into the water. You never know, if a serpent monster is waiting down to snatch mischevious children away."

A little girl innocently asks Shyamala, "Like Kaliya naag?"

My hand stills. The memory's still fresh in my mind. The large black serpent had poisoned the waters, killed so many of our cattle, and was close to snatching him from us. For us, he was just a child of our age. We never thought he would so powerful to vanquish that demon, and when he danced on top of his head, it seemed as Lord Nataraja was dancing tandava on him.

That evening I had scolded him tremendously. And that charming yet mischevious boy had nothing but a bright smile on his face. Did he not what danger he had encountered?

"Where did you get lost now?" I feel Shyamala shake my arm. "Your pot had begun sailing on the river."

"Oh.." I shake my head and grab my pot when I see a peacock feather on my head again. I brush my fingers over my reflection, watching my image disperse in the gentle waves, the blue green feather still showing itself over my head.

The kids have begun playing with themselves in the water, forgetting their previous quarrel. I smile at them, as my mind drifts to my childhood memories with a young boy who always donned himself in yellow robes, and was dark as the night sky, but had a lustre rivalling the moon.

"Hai Mahadev, why don't you call me to your abode. I can't take this back ache any more." Shyama lifts her pots with a groan. Adjusting one of the pots on her hip, she looks at me, and says, "Listen, I have to head to the village market to buy some seeds for the garden. You go home alone today."

I nod at her, and turn back to the dark river when a gentle voice whispers in my ear, a voice I could recognize anywhere, even in deep sleep.

"Nayani"

I breathe slowly. My eyes close themselves shut, and I keep repeating to myself that all of this is in my head -- that he isn't Vrindavan's Kanha anymore but Mathura nagarpati and Dwarkadheesh.

"Nayani, it is me. Will you not welcome me? Open your eyes. I have come back." I hear him take a pause. "For now."

Ignoring the burning sensation in my throat and my laboured breathing, I turn around to face him. I gasp.

He had indeed come back! My Manohara, my Manmohan.

Tears flow freely out of my eyes. I hug him tightly. His arms still contain the same warmth like they did years ago, even on the day, he had parted ways to leave for Mathura.

I sob, not caring who was watching me. My friend, my first love was back after so many years. I wasn't going to hold back.

His fingers gently caress my back as I step out of his embrace. Even though, I am an old woman now, with him near me, I feel me teenage self come back.

Blushing hard, I look down at his beautiful feet. They are painted in red dye. His toe rings shine magnificently. Taking another step back, I look at him from head to toe.

There is a crown on his head with his signature feather on one side. His curly hair reaches his shoulders. Unlike me, they haven't lost their colour nor their thickness. And for heaven's sake, this man hasn't aged much. I felt bad for myself. He still looked ethereal while I an old maid.

"Tell me your beauty secret, Mohan." I look up at him and ask. My saggy cheeks feel warm. I pull my odhni closer to my face in case he sees my red face.

His eyes twinkle and a lovely smile curves on his lips. "And tell me since when did you start hiding yourself from me?"

I stare at him. "Why will I hide from you Kanha?"

He smiles some more and moves my odhni from my face, his fingers brush my cheek and I partly wince and partly melt. "There you go. This is the Nayani, I know."

His smile is infectious. Smiling ear to ear, I reply, "Well, this Nayani is not a young sixteen year old. She is married, a mother and now a grandmother. What will people say if they see me blushing in front of another man?"

He says nothing and walks to the river. I follow him. "Do you remember how I stole makhan from your pot here?"

Laughing at the memory, I look at him again and answer, "Of course, I do. I remember everything. I had chased you with a stick, remember?"

"I remember everything too, Nayani."

"Thank God, you do, Mathura nagarpati. A great man after all must remember his roots." I jokingly say. He chuckles and picks a leaf from the ground. He carefully twirls it with his fingers, his eyes examining the leaf in great detail.

"Where do you think will the leaf go if I blow it away?" He asks.

Taken aback by his question, I think for a while. Krishna has always been patient. He turns his body towards me, and I notice something different this time.

When he had arrived her, he looked youthful and radiant. He still looks godly handsome even now, but there is an unusual sadness gracing his features. I can sense something is heavy on his mind, which he is masking by a smile. His eyes look slightly tired. He needs rest, a long rest.

"The answer, Nayani?"

"Since it's the great mighty Krishna blowing the leaf, I am sure it will reach Vaikuntha dham."

He laughs again throwing his head back. His shoulders shake too. Surely, my humour wasn't great to receive such reaction from him.

He keeps on laughing until tears spring out of his eyes. There is a low snifle too. I touch his arm in concern. Was he okay?

Composing himself, he touches the peacock feathers on his crown and tugs at it. Holding my palm, he keeps the feather on it. "I will have to leave for my abode soon. There isn't much time left. So when I leave, blow this feather in air. Who knows this might reach Vaikuntha?"

My heartstrings tug again. He has to leave again? I wasn't going to keep him for long here. He has a lot of work in Dwaraka to do, but he could stay here for a day right?

"Why are you leaving so early? Stay tonight and leave tomorrow. You have to meet kaka kaki and other friends too."

He sighs deeply and closes those lotus petal like eyes. His hold on my palm tightens. "I wish I could do that sakhi. I wish, I could, but I can't. Time will make no exception for me. I will have to leave."

It feels like that unfateful day again. He had told me the same thing. 'I will have to leave. There is no choice. My duties call me.'

I purse my lips and look ahead. Silence settles deep between us. The only sound that I can hear is the gentle gurgling waves of the Yamuna.

Krishna speaks again. "Now now, there is no need to be angry. Let's make the best of our time now. You haven't told me about your family. How is your husband? Did you have a grandson or a grand daughter? Tell me what all did you do after I went away? Just keep talking until it's the time to go." I keep making a disappointed face, which causes the great lord of Dwarka to pout. "Please, just hear me out for one last time?"

And I fail to be mad over him. I narrate each and every incident that took place in his absence. I tell him all the village gossip. I tell him about my family. I tell him how I felt when he left the village, how I lived with this grief for a long time. And at last, when I felt satisfied, sharing every detail of my life with him, I sigh in tiredness and glance at him.

His eyes shine with tears, but there is still that damned smile on his lips. I feel he is hiding yet another news from me.

"You have aged quite well, do you know?"

"At last, I receive a well deserved compliment from the world's handsomest man. Indeed a pleasure, Kanha. Thank you."

There. He erupts into a cheerful laughter again. He stands up and dusts his uttariya. His eyes glance at the setting sun, now doused in shades of red and the sky, in orange and purple. Somewhere I spot some blues too.

He takes a step back, his hand outstretched. "It's time to go sakhi."

I stand up too, my fingers brush his fingertips. "Why so early? This is just like that day." My eyes burn with tears that I am sure will soon fall.

He moves back again, his hand still outstretched as if asking me to try and keep holding it as long as I am able to. "It is. I know. I am sorry. I have to. In a way I could fulfill my promise to you if not for the whole of Vrindavan."

"What do you mean?" I see his form lose its glimmer. His eyes look like fading stars on the onset of dawn.

"Send the feather high up in the air. It will reach me again. It carries all your love and affection for me."

"What's happening Mohan? I don't understand. You look like you are going to fade. Are you unwell?" I stifle a sob and blink those tears away. If this was the last of him, I had to see him until he goes away from my sight.

"Everything is going according to time. Do not worry, Nayani. Let me go. Until unless you leave my hand, I cannot go."

I feel my fingers lose their grip. "Don't go. Please..." I beg him, but I no it won't stop him. It didn't stop him then, it won't stop him now.

He smiles for the last time I think. I clutch the feather tightly. His looks at my fist and says, "Don't hold it so tightly in your fingers. It will crush."

"Krishna..." No other words come out. There is nothing much to say even.

"Nayani.." His voice is like a soft whisper now.

"Fine. Goodbye, Krishna.." I bid him farewell. Perhaps this is the last time I would see him here with me. I cannot tie him with me now, can I?

His smile has caused his face to look a little brighter now. He waves his fingers at me and repeats, "Goodbye, Nayani. Live well."

"You too."

"I have lived well and long. No more."

Huh?

"Sakhi, did you hear the terrible news from Dwaraka? Krishna is no more!"

*** *** **** *** ***** *** *** *** ***

"No, you hallucinated maybe. He is no more. He got shot by a hunter in the forest. Dwarka is submerged -- it now lies deep under the sea." I hear Shyamala, but I no longer respond. Krishna was here. I know it well. I know his touch, the warmth and softness they carry. I felt it. I am still a sane old woman.

"But he talked to me right here. I hugged him too. How can you say that?"

Shyamala starts crying. Her head is over my shoulder, her tears drench my blouse. She rubs my back. "The news has taken a toll on your mind, I think. He never came here!" Her tear stricken face stares at mine. "What do you think sakhi? If he was here, wouldn't the entirety of Vrindavan, go and meet him?"

My heart feels empty. I don't know what to think or what to say. Shyamala keeps consoling me. I don't even have tears in my eyes anymore.

Glancing at the waters of Yamuna again, I catch the peacock feather on my head and I remember what he had asked me to do.

"Let's go home, Shyamala. There's nothing we can do. At least now we know he would never come back to us." I say and get up.

My friend nods and gets up with great difficulty. She doesn't even groan at her aching joints now. The grief had surpassed the bodily pain too.

I see her walk ahead. She doesn't turn back, keeps wiping her eyes with one end of her odhni. I look at the sun. It's so small now and it's only a matter of time when it will depart from the sky. The red and orange hues have made way for the blues to take reign.

What a dark evening would it be today!

My right toe brushes over a soft feathery object. I look down and to my utter surprise, it's a peacock feather.

Picking it up, I stare at the feather. The blue and green colour draws me in. I see Krishna in them. He is playing by the river, stealing our pots and dancing with us. I see him watch the river with me. He is smiling so much and even I am happy too when I hear a voice.

"Let the feather fly."

And I follow his words. I caress it for one last time and kiss it. Looking up at the sky, I blow the feather and it moves up. High up. It doesn't even drift down once like most objects do. My eyes keep following its movement.

It's only a speck now. I can't keep looking at it. My eyes are burning. I can only hope that it somehow reaches him.

'Farewell Mathura nagarpati.'

I hear a splash. Did someone fall into the river?

********* ******** ******* ******** *******

Shaknsgsgshhsbavs I chose to attack today. . *hands over tissues in case you want to cry*

Tagging the sakhis: @swayamev @pothosinpots @ma-douce-souffrance @lil-stark @manwalaage @jessbeinme15 @arachneofthoughts @pokemon-master-elita @merapehlapyaarwaapasaagaya @just-another-godless-god @inexhaustible-sources-of-magic @reallythoughtfulwizard

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hello! I honestly don't remember if I requested here, but if I didn't, then would it be okay for me to get a matchup for demon slayer, haikyuu, and one piece? the options for famdoms were really hard! you have good taste :)

pronouns: she/her

sexuality: bisexual

zodiac: virgo

appearance: 4'11. pear body shape. dark brown hair that reaches up to my chest. brown eyes. brown skin (i'm hispanic).

personality: from what others tell me, i am honest, sarcastic, patient, and too kind (like being respectful to the ones who give me attitude, saying sorry to a chair, etc). i like to follow the rules and will only break them if necessary. i'm the one who makes sure everything and everyone is alright (sane). i easily get flustered, and you will not notice it until you see my very red ears. i'm also a VERY curious person. It has gotten me in trouble or hurt here and there. i'm quite prideful, but i've been slowly learning to apologize and accept that i am not always right. i'm not the most observant person in the world, like the many times i get stared at and don't notice until someone points it out to me. but i do get observant (or at least i think) with the people i love. i always want to make sure they're okay. i can also be quite mischievous. i'm not a very good liar. i always have an aloof face when i'm being honest or joking around, so people never know which is which.

hobbies: collecting (anything really). discovering/listening to music. playing (any kind of) games. reading. researching/learning. sketching. stargazing.

likes: art. chilly temperature/weather. cute things. fashion. games. learning. music. rainy days.

dislikes: bugs. being alone. coffee. hot temperature/weather. horrible fashion.

other facts: i work with dogs. i'm the oldest of four. i don't have many friends, mainly cause i want to live a peaceful life, but i do wish to have more friends. someday, i want to be able to start a family. if, for some reason, i'm not able to have kids, i want to adopt dogs, and cats, and ferrets (animals in general. i definitely want a goat!).

i'm so sorry if this was too long T-T if you accept my request then thank you for taking your time to read this! once again, thank you and have a great day :)

Hi! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took so long. Please note I am currently up to episode 574 (the end of Fishman Island Arc) of One Piece. I hope you like your matchups!

In Demon Slayer, I match you with...

I feel like you and Kanao would get along both as friends and as a couple. And that’s a good thing since she needs to be close to someone before she even begins thinking about them romantically.

Loves watching you make art. Whether it’s drawing, painting, sculpting, or something else and whether you’re amazing at it or not, she just enjoys seeing the creative process.

She really appreciates your honesty. Kanao struggles with understanding people sometimes through her lack of understanding of her own emotions. Having someone around who is open is really helpful for her.

Kanao is still learning to have her own interests but she likes fashion and is more than willing to follow you lead to expand her knowledge of the field.

In the same way, Kanao also really likes cute things. She would love it if you each bring back little nick nacks after you’ve been away. They’re cute little reminders of each other.

In Haikyuu, I match you with...

Mom friends! You and Suga are officially the parents of the Karasuno team. Are you going to be able to control them? No. But will you at least have each other? Yes.

Study dates are an absolute must. He enjoys studying as much as you do but he also enjoys having company while he’s studying, especially if it’s you keeping him company.

There’s no need to worry about being alone with Suga around. He loves spending time with you and if for any reason he’s busy, there are a bunch of friendly volleyball players more than willing to step in temporarily to take his place.

I see Suga as someone who isn’t afraid of a bit of teasing from time to time. Unless you feel uncomfortable being flustered, he’s not going to hold back so be prepared.

I think Suga would like cold weather as well, partially because he gets to wear comfy cozy clothes and drink warm drinks but also because he has an excuse to hold your hands. It’s just so neither of you get cold hands, he swears.

In One Piece, I match you with...

You and Usopp are an amazing match. You have your similarities but you’re also very much your own people and that helps your relationship flourish.

Both of you have your shortfallings and when you’re together, you help fill in those gaps in skill or knowledge. You and Usopp are a power couple in that you support each other in everything you do.

Will get rid of bugs for you. He doesn’t mind them but since he knows you’re not fond of them, he’ll do his best to remove them before you see them. It’s a small thing but it’s something he can confidently do for you.

Art buddies! Usopp loves that you like art as well. He’d love to do some creative dates where you each recreate the other in your favourite medium and they reveal the results at the end.

I feel like Usopp would also really like stargazing with you. He finds it relaxing and takes the opportunity to gaze at you as well while you’re too distracted to notice.

[fatummortem]

Hey everyone, I'm very sorry for going quiet for so long, I wasn't expecting it honestly & I'm sadly not back. Work, planning & adapting to family drama has kept me extremely busy over the last few months, unfortunately. Well to put it mildly. I am in my own apartment if I hadn't said, however the kiddo will be coming 6 months to a year ahead of schedule & arriving by the end of next month. \o/ That is the positive from everything going on.

If you want a more detailed thing about the gaslighting or bs that's been going on click the read more. If not. No harm. I do make jokes about my family trauma bullshit, to help myself deal with it. Fair warning.

So the least BS of everything is that I've currently turned into the only opener at work during the weekdays. If I'm not working I'm trying to plan things so everything is good for when Jynx, the kidddo, comes to live here. Except each time I rearrange my plan my mom finds some excuse to move the date up, while I'm getting reports my mom will not provide hair cuts, deoderant or medical attention. Well my mom said once they just gone to the docs but one times i just had to respond with 'You do realize I've been on the phone with her all morning right?'

Other than that I've felt I've been playing a chess game against a hacker, Where they transform a Pawn into a Queen in the middle of the board. Because whenever I get everything situated she just has to alter it and move up the bloody date while I keep my child's mental health up, figure out what i need to BUY and other sane things.

Then a few nights ago happened. My Mother, got into it over a day old dirty pan. Both sides from the sounds of it were way outta line arguing with each other. But once the pan was cleaned & dried, my child wanted ice cream. Because the pan was not put away, my mother in her infinite wisdom, thought it smart to reach around my child, try to wrestle it from her. So my child headbutted her and got a hit to the head for her trouble. To me the headbutt is self defense. Course i was at work, acting like an adult when this went down, got off with messages from both so I of course CALLED MY CHILD.

I ended up chatting with my kid calming her down, y'know because i'm a parent. At the same time I was helping a friend clean an area of his place, to help him with his mental health. we started at like 4:40pm and didn't finish until 10pm. So I was like "i ain't dealing with your shit.' I told her I'd try calling her after work. Because who wants that kind of conversation before work. Because y'know being calm is something I'd like to be so this doesn't blow up worse than it already is.

So I check my phone mid-day, when I'm finally able to take a break, apparently because I didn't respond and call her RIGHT THAT SECOND OR WHEN i AWOKE, my child would be put into jail if i didn't magically shit out a plan to move her (it's a thirty hour drive alright. I moved that fair away, yes i did). Course when i started getting things in order, the jail BS was put to the way side. But dear old mommy wanted an 'I'm sorry' because i didn't get her side of it from her panic attack inducing text messages while i was at work.

And I'm amazed & flabbergasted that I was informed my mom's arms are too short to reach around my child to wrestle her, that no the headbutt happened in a different time and MY CHILD TRIED TO BODY SLAM MY FATHER. See I still haven't gotten an answer on how the headbutt happened.

So once I was able to calm from my panic attack, the rage (i so raged and i so terribly hate raging), i sat here and tried to put my head around my 5 foot 86, POUNDS, XS wearing, 18 year old child trying to BODY SLAM my 5'9 broad shoulder, fuck if i know his poundage, slightly chunky 75 year old father I about died. She does have some Karate under her belt, when she WAS 14 YEARS OLD. She made it to yellow belt and got stuck there because she kept getting into it with my mom and they took the next belt from her and i was just 'DO THEY TEACH BODY SLAMMING FOR THAT?'

Needless to say I'm still working on getting things planned for Jynx to get here, EVEN THOUGH I WAS GOING TO BUY A BED TWO MONTHS FROM NOW. trying to figure out what the shit to buy & I have yet to respond to my mother's tale. mainly for the fact i'm so tempted to ask her if she appeared in the move 'Meet the Robinsons.'

[randomfoggytiger]

X-Files Collector's Edition: Valentine's Day, the Platonic Way

It's Valentine's Day-- let's see how that day evolves over the course of Mulder and Scully's lives, separate and together.

Loose chronological order below~

Maidenjedi's Discovery

""I've been having dreams. I think I'm remembering what happened to my sister that night. I think I'm remembering her abduction, Diana. And I think this room might have some answers for me."

Diana had worked with abductees in her graduate studies, and the occasional case in the Behavioral Science division brought with it the usual implant stories. But she didn't believe in that sort of thing....did she?

She wasn't sure, now. She knew her partner to be a stable person. He could get obsessed with his work, tuning out the rest of the world while he focused on the profile. It was what made him stand out in Violent Crimes and gave him a reputation in the Bureau as one of the best field agents available. Reggie thought the world of him, and privately, so did Diana.""

Mulder excitedly tells Diana about finding the basement; and she digs around with him until it strikes midnight.

@wtfmulder/@momdadimpoppunk's (Ao3)

are those space pants (Ao3)

""So someone has not only arrived to work ridiculously early (or ridiculously late, considering the time he left), but they put a bunch of effort into sticking it to good ol’ Spooky Mulder.

He opens up his little Valentine’s Day card quickly, snatching his hands away as if the thing could snap his fingers in two. ‘YOU’RE OUT OF THIS WORLD, VALENTINE,’ it reads.""

S1 Mulder assumes the Valentine's card on his desk is mocking him. He's surprised it was a joint effort between Scully and Melissa.

@mappingthexfiles/Apostrophic's

The Patron Saint of Doomed Stakeouts

""She tried stretching her legs. Even at her short height, the brake pedal left her no space. “Switch places with me. I’ll trade you my soda,” she said. That’s how desperate she was. The offer was cruel, Mulder a foot taller.

He had leaned his seat back, a 45-degree angle. “Just slide the seat back.”

“Then I can’t reach the pedals.”

“Isn’t that the whole point?”

“And that’s when this guy shows up, takes off down the street?”

The look Mulder gave her said that of all the things in their life, a UFO landing in front of them would be more possible.""

Mulder is chafing on a boring Valentine's stakeout. Scully is a trooper; and the two of them banter back and forth to keep sane.

@suitablyaggrieved/ScullyLovesQueequeg

Unnamed

""The anger doesn't come out of nowhere. It happens after he catches a glimpse of Scully sitting quietly with a cup of coffee and reading. She's absorbed in her own world. She wasn't expecting the company, despite the fact that it's a Saturday afternoon in February--Valentine's Day to be precise. Around her, couples make eyes at each other, whispering sweet nothings to each other, and Scully is oblivious to it all.

So, what am I doing here? Mulder thinks to himself. They don't celebrate Valentine's Day--Scully because she is single and Mulder because he doesn't believe in it. But the anger is slowly building, the longer he watches Scully sitting alone.""

Mulder's sense of right burns that Scully is alone on Valentine's Days. He shoves himself into awkwardly celebrating; and is relieved she understands and goes along with it good-naturedly.

Something's Gotta Give

""I don't know if I should go out at all tonight..." Scully mused idly.

"Then don't. --Actually I don't really care. Don't listen to me. Go out with Pendrell or something." Mulder said, though not in an unkind way. His tone suggested in difference, though his body language was akin to frustration, as he jabbed the keys on his keyboard. "It's none of my business what goes on in your personal life."

"I'm not going with him." Scully said, sinking in to her chair that she kept beside Mulder's desk. He glanced over quickly, but resumed his frustrated typing.""

S3-4 Scully is bombed with chocolates for Valentine's Day. Mulder descends into jealousy and eats her candy. Scully asks him on a not-date, teasing him with his words from earlier.

Stephanie Lutz The Gift

""And now it was Valentine's Day. The most romantic day of the year. And her last romantic conquest was on his way to the psych ward. Which was where, half the time, she felt her partner belonged as well. <You really know how to pick 'em, Dana Katherine,> she muttered, yanking open her closet door just a bit harder than necessary. She pulled out a black skirt, black blouse, and a black jacket for good measure. For just a moment, she considered dying her hair black as well, but a soreness on the skin of her lower back reminded her than perhaps she'd done enough impulsive redesigning to last her a while.""

Post Never Again Mulder surprises Scully with a new desk for Valentine's Day... and an Elvis tie for himself.

Lolabeegood's (mulderscreek) My Funny Autopsy

""Really, there's..." she started as she walked towards the man holding the box "maybe they're from my mother."

Dana Scully slid off her surgical gloves and threw them into a nearby trash bin. "Thank you," she said as she took the box.

"If those are from your mother, I'm setting you up with this great guy on the third floor." Agent Flores called over to her.

Dana Scully opened the box and saw inside, a dozen perfect burnt orange tulips. They looked exactly like the color of her hair. She knew tulips were not in season, and wondered why her mother spent so much money on her for Valentine's Day. She still smiled though; her mother remembered that tulips are her favourite flower. She reached for the card and, opening it, didn't see her mother's handwriting but Mulder's chicken scratch.""

Cancer Arc Scully spends her day slicing and dicing good-naturedly with other pathologists. Mulder fetches tulips and food for her meds.

Pattie's

The Cupcake

""I know. When I found out Patterson had become, well, what he had become, I was too wrapped up trying to put myself in the killer's shoes. Which brings me to another subject. What about you?"

"Me? I'm fine, Mulder. As long as we do our jobs and the sun still rises, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Maybe I'll be finished reading these messages before you get back." She smiled. That was a good thing.

"Ten minutes. Tops." He grabbed his coat and left Scully to her work.

Post Grotesque Mulder realizes that Scully feels left out for Valentine's Day. He gets her a little cupcake to celebrate.

(This fic is out of order chronologically; but the below story HAS to follow the cancer arc stories because that maxes the hilarity.)

Amore, Philadelphia Style

""Doesn't it bother you, Scully? This whole thing could start over again when we get closer to their agenda, unless someone comes up with a way to prevent that."

"We don't know that, Mulder. So, some day I will be able to remove it without developing cancer, and until then, there's still a lot of work to be done."

Mulder sat in resignation. He wasn't going to get them the day off to celebrate life as he had planned, but there was a pressing case that did need their attention. He grabbed pictures from a folder and passed them to Scully after she sat in the chair in front of his desk.

"Valentine's Day Cards, Mulder?""

Scully and Mulder celebrate her remission in the usual style: with a case. It takes a comedic turn when Mulder touches a pheromone tainted card and performs a nice little dance number for his partner. She whips out the cuffs for his own good.

Thalia D'Muse's I Lay a Rose Upon Your Grave

""Fox Mulder held the red rose in his hand, the thorns biting mercilessly into his skin. He ignored the pain, focusing all of his attention on the tombstone directly in front of him. He wiped a stray tear that had begun to make its descent down his cheek. He opened his mouth to speak, his voice low and thick with emotion.

"I...I'm sorry it's taken me so long to visit you. I should have been here sooner, but...well, you know how life has a tendency to overwhelm you. You more than anyone know what it's like to live a life against the odds, always wondering what's around the next corner. You had such courage in the face of adversity. I admire you for that.""

Mulder visits his first love's gravestone-- if his love were more tied to an icon than an actual person. Scully is not impressed to visit Elvis.

Enjoy!

[albedosarmpit]

waking albedo up

this is my first time using Tumblr, sorry if the formatting is weird i have no clue how to use this site but i hope you like it or something, this is pretty out of character and rushed so im sorry

warnings: sub-albedo, blowjobs, fingering, scent kink. consentual-somnophillia, GN reader

Albedo often falls asleep in his chair by his desk, there are times where he just passes out then and there just because of the lack of sleep, you sometimes try to get him to sleep at normal, sane hours but he never gives in "After this experiment" he always says no matter what hes taking notes, doing something, always busy.

You see him there, slouched on his desk murmuring something that you couldn't quite make out, as you approach you begin to see him there unconscious resting in his arm, drool slowly coming out of his mouth, finally he was at peace, you begin to look at the desk and make sure to move some empty vials away and where they belong until you saw a note on his desk that read

"IMPORTANT

I'm assuming you'll come in and see me passed out (if this experiment is correct, which it should be), i probably should have talked to you about this earlier but i assume you would take it as a welcomed surprise than an inconvenience (most probably would). point is, i want you to suck my dick while im asleep and keep note of how my body reacts okay?

have fun~

Albedo

you smile at the letter, finally. sure you came to dragonspire to work with Albedo and gain more knowledge but you knew deep down there was another reason, during experiments you couldn't stop looking at him to the point where you would almost mess up spilling different potions everywhere while looking at him.

Now, you sat at the bottom of the desk, inbetween his legs as you slowly noticed his bulge through his pants, you slowly pulled his pants down after playing with the hem debating if you should do this or not, as you pulled his pants down his cock instantly springing out, he was ready for this and didnt even bother putting underwear on, your face got red thinking about how much of a tease he was, you put your face closer to his cock looking at his slightly glowing diamond mark on his lower abdomen, the exact same design as the one on his neck, you wondered if he had gotten it there on purpose or if it was just some mark

You wrap your mouth around his cock, feeling it throb in your mouth as you became face to face with the mark, shrouded in light bush of pubic hair that matched his hair color almost exactly, you heard him moan as you took if further and further into your mouth, wrapping your tongue around it as you breathed in his scent, as much as you loved his cock you wanted more, you wanted to hear him moan even louder, to see how much he could take before waking up. You put a hand down by his hole, lightly pushing against it, feeling his body shiver as your cold finger went inside of his warm hole, his legs became heavy as you continued to push your finger deeper inside, as you fingerfucked him and took his cock even further you began to notice something, his mark, it was glowing.

You felt a hand reach the back of your head and lightly push you forward into him "y-you sh-shouldnt do s-so much a-at once" albedo moaned as the glowing continued as you tasted precum drip from his tip, tasting his seed "i-i'm close" Albedo moaned instantly cumming inside of your mouth, forcing you to swallow all of his seed, the glowing slowly stopping as he began to try and catch his breath, the cold air still painful'

ending this randomly you can request on my blog probably idk i might write it

[stellasaeculum]

Oof (the about me intro)

Been a long time since I was over here on Tumblr, but since the bird app has been taken over by a comic book villain and the ice age app is clunky, here I am. Granted I've kinda missed Tumblr and all the fandoms, lol.

I reckon I'll make an introduction for anyone that stumbles upon me and didn't find me from the bird app first.

The Mundane Stuff

As far as the mundane goes, I'm the mother of a 16-year-old, live in the rural United States, am 36, am pansexual, and use she/her pronouns. I speak English fluently, conversational Spanish (although I'm out of practice), and bits & pieces of several other languages.

My major in college was Business Admin/Marketing and my minor was Psychology with a focus on Abnormal Psychology. I'm a huge advocate for human & social rights, so I tend to land on the left of the political spectrum although I consider myself an Independent. Fighting for equity, justice, and equality are passions of mine.

I’m on the Autism spectrum & have Bipolar 1 and PTSD. I wasn’t diagnosed with ASD until I was in my 30s, developed PTSD in my 20s, and have been dealing with Bipolar since I was 14. As such, I’m also a huge advocate for mental health awareness, mental wellness, and neurodivergence acceptance. In addition, I also have three autoimmune diseases so my physical health is kind of a train wreck, lol.

I love animals of all kinds, music from many genres, fantasy/horror novels & movies, history (especially the 18th Century), and learning about different cultures. Cultural anthropology is of huge interest to me and what I initially intended to get a degree in, but life has a funny way of throwing curveballs.

Beliefs

I've been studying different belief systems and schools of thought for over 23 years, and I've been blessed to have had the chance to talk with religious leaders, teachers, and mentors of various cultures and beliefs.

Most of what I believe is based on quantum physics and my own intuition, along with many years of studying philosophy, psychology, the sciences, & world religions, both historical and modern. As far as my own theosophical beliefs go, I consider myself an Omnist. I can find truths in any path (or lack thereof), but I don’t think any of them are 100% correct.

Esoteric Stuff

Time for the weird shit.

The tl:dr is that I'm an alien stuck in a defective meat bag. Yeah, I know it sounds absolutely batshit, but I promise I’m very sane. 

I’m an interdimensional, or what the new agers like to call a “starseed.” Basically, my soul doesn’t originate here but I’m old af and incarnate down here on 3D Earth from time to time to help out & learn things. While down here, for all intents and purposes, I’m human. I deal with my crappy health, pay my bills, get stuck in traffic, waddle around looking for toilet paper, etc. Granted I’m one with some unique gifts.

I was born with the ability to read & manipulate energy, and have known since I was a small child that I'm an interdimensional. Back then, we didn't have words like "starseed," so I just told people I was an alien stuck on Earth in a human body. As you can imagine, that went over well, lmao.

I’m not necessarily a healer, although all of us that work with energy are healers in one way or another. I'm more of a steward if I have to be lumped into one of the stereotypical groups. I keep an eye on stuff, pass insights to people, and neutralize/balance energy. I can do quite a few other things that involve manipulating energy (what others usually call magick or alchemy), but I typically don't. After all, you never know when you could be interrupting someone's karma and everything comes with a price.

The biggest thing I do is keep an eye on other interdimensionals both incarnated and not, and try to stop the spread of misinformation from bad sources. Which is a massive pain in my ass when it comes to other “starseeds” that aren’t actually interdimensionals. Nobody is “chosen,” nobody is more “special” than anyone else, and nobody is part of this stupidass 144,000 thing I keep seeing. Those of us down here are here, as I said, to help and to learn, and most importantly, we volunteered for it. A lot of the crap I’ve seen people spewing is rooted in n*zism and eugenics, which is not effin cool.

Tarot Stuff

Tarot and astrology to me are tools that I like having in my arsenal but don’t necessarily need. It’s sorta like, if I was taking a road trip and had a traffic forecast, map, and GPS, then astrology would be the traffic forecast and tarot would be the GPS. I can get where I’m going with my energy reading “map” just fine, but they help speed up the process.

I throw tarot for donations in my downtime and have read for people around the world. With my extra kick of energy reading, it adds a significant “oomph” to what I can do. You can see my suggested donations and book a reading here if you’re interested.

[showmethesneer]

Funny how I was saving The Hunger Games books for when my semester was over, and then the standalone I chose to hold me over until after finals just so happens to be the perfect little appetizer: OG dystopia/sci fi classic, Brave New World.

Anyway, here are some of my favourite parts:

-"the principles of mass production at last applied to biology"

-"a T for the males, a circle for the females and for those who were destined to become freemartins a question mark, black on a white ground." ~enby feels~

-"in the vast majority of cases, fertility is merely a nuisance." ~quite literally about meee~

-"though the Epsilon mind was mature at ten, the Epsilon body was not fit to work till eighteen. Long years of superfluous and wasted immaturity."

-"Books and loud noises, flowers and electric shocks—already in the infant mind these couples were compromisingly linked; and after two hundred repetitions of the same or a similar lesson would be wedded indissolubly. What man has joined, nature is powerless to put asunder."

-"Reflexes unalterably conditioned. They’ll be safe from books and botany all their lives."

-"A love of nature keeps no factories busy."

-"“These,” he said gravely, “are unpleasant facts; I know it. But then most historical facts are unpleasant.”"

-"when you’re not accustomed to history, most facts about the past do sound incredible."

-"“And do you know what a ‘home’ was?”

They shook their heads." ~queer and abuse survivor and Latin American diaspora feels~

-"Family, monogamy, romance. Everywhere exclusiveness, a narrow channelling of impulse and energy."

-"Mother, monogamy, romance. High spurts the fountain; fierce and foamy the wild jet. The urge has but a single outlet. My love, my baby. No wonder these poor pre-moderns were mad and wicked and miserable. Their world didn’t allow them to take things easily, didn’t allow them to be sane, virtuous, happy."

-"Feeling lurks in that interval of time between desire and its consummation. Shorten that interval, break down all those old unnecessary barriers."

-"There was also a thing called God."

-"And what makes it worse, she thinks of herself as meat."

-"Slowly, majestically, with a faint humming of machinery, the Conveyors moved forward, thirty-three centimeters an hour. In the red darkness glinted innumerable rubies."

-"The mockery made him feel an outsider; and feeling an outsider he behaved like one, which increased the prejudice against him and intensified the contempt and hostility aroused by his physical defects. Which in turn increased his sense of being alien and alone."

- “Fine to think we can go on being socially useful even after we’re dead. Making plants grow.” ~ #afterlifegoals ~

-“But queer that Alphas and Betas won’t make any more plants grow than those nasty little Gammas and Deltas and Epsilons down there.”

-"The saxophones wailed like melodious cats under the moon, moaned in the alto and tenor registers as though the little death were upon them. Rich with a wealth of harmonics, their tremulous chorus mounted towards a climax, louder and ever louder—until at last, with a wave of his hand, the conductor let loose the final shattering note of ether-music and blew the sixteen merely human blowers clean out of existence. Thunder in A flat major."

-"to be excited is still to be unsatisfied."

-“I’d rather be myself,” he said. “Myself and nasty. Not somebody else, however jolly.”

-"'Even Epsilons are useful’! So am I. And I damned well wish I weren’t!”

-"He was a mine of irrelevant information and unasked-for good advice."

-"Suddenly it was as though the whole air had come alive and were pulsing, pulsing with the indefatigable movement of blood."

-"Lenina liked the drums. Shutting her eyes she abandoned herself to their soft repeated thunder, allowed it to invade her consciousness more and more completely, till at last there was nothing left in the world but that one deep pulse of sound."

-"Remorseless, treacherous, lecherous … Like drums, like the men singing for the corn, like magic, the words repeated and repeated themselves in his head."

-"He held out his right hand in the moonlight. From the cut on his wrist the blood was still oozing. Every few seconds a drop fell, dark, almost colourless in the dead light. Drop, drop, drop. To-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow … He had discovered Time and Death and God."

-"The scene in the orchard had delighted him with its poetry; but the sentiments expressed had made him smile. Getting into such a state about having a girl—it seemed rather ridiculous. But, taken detail by verbal detail, what a superb piece of emotional engineering!"

-"We've sacrificed high art. We have the Feelies and the scent organ instead." ~the gut punch of a scene that fucked me up the most~

-"We could synthesize every morsel of food, if we wanted to. But we don’t. We prefer to keep a third of the population on the land. For their own sakes- because it takes longer to get food out of the land than out of a factory." ~literally The Hunger Games~

-"Every discovery in pure science is potentially subversive; even science must sometimes be treated as a possible enemy. Yes, even science.”

-"God in the safe and Ford on the shelves."

-"what you need is something with tears for a change. Nothing costs enough here."

-“But I don’t want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.”

[thoughtslikeocean]

New Year 2023

The clock struck midnight and tears immediately welled in my eyes. I had no idea what I was feeling in the moment. It felt like my emotions were playing a game of pinball. I was joyful that I brought in the new year with my family. I was grateful that I was able to live to see another year. I was excited for what's to come. I was sad about having to go back to Phoenix tomorrow to an empty place. I was anxious about all the work that was yet to be done at my new apartment. It crossed my mind that I, this year, I wasn't in love with anyone. I was nearing the edge of frustration about that until I jolted into happiness of knowing that God always has my back in all things. It's currently 3:18 AM and I've settled into the contentment that everything is always going to be okay. I know this. I've always known this. It's amazing how slight fluctuations in neurotransmitters can make you forget those foundational truths in your life.

I got my period on New Year's Eve so I slightly anticipated the instability of my feelings today. I wanted to be included in everything and yet isolated all at the same time. It's been a push and pull all day.

I can't tell if I've gotten past B or if my family has just been a wonderful distraction. I'd imagine if I continue to keep myself busy I won't think about him as much. That shouldn't be hard given the lengthy todo list I've made for myself to keep the days ticking by. The thing about making yourself busy on purpose is that you create todo lists that can never actually be completed. It keeps you in constant state of knowing that something always needs to be done. So in the event that he does cross my mind, I'm able to protect myself with a task. I keep doing that over and over until you reminded less and less.

I'm slightly annoyed with the fact that my body has to endure a break up from someone who was never mine to begin with. Sickening that I would do something like that to myself. On another hand, I'm in sanely proud of myself for being so open to intimacy again, even after this. There are more careful ways to go about this I'm sure but this didn't leave me jaded. And Lord knows I have every right to be given these circumstances.

In any case this is a reminder to check on your strong friends. They might be ending a situationship, moving apartments, finding a job, finishing a doctorate program all while going through their Saturn return.

[sluttywonwoo]

take it off || k.mg x reader

Pairing: mob!mingyu x fem reader

Summary: as much as you hate to admit it, jealousy looks good on your fiancé 

Warnings: swearing, light smut (18+)

Word Count: 1.8k

a/n: reworked this old blurb originally posted on my tom holland fic account ( @wazzupmrstark )

Masterlist

“Mingyu, slow down,” you said with a sigh, trying not to roll your eyes.

“What was he thinking?” Mingyu spat, not acknowledging what you had just said. He gripped the steering wheel even harder.

You watched as his knuckles began to turn white and rubbed his arm soothingly. “Baby, take a deep breath. Relax.”

He just shrugged you off and cursed at the car in front of him.

“Don’t fucking tell me to relax.”

“It’s not a big deal, Gyu.”

He actually turned his head towards you and looked at you this time. “You’re joking.”

You shrugged sheepishly. “I’ve had worse.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

You winced, knowing you’d probably made it worse and that Mingyu was likely now picturing the grimy hands of ill-intentioned strangers all over your body.

“I should have him killed,” he snarled.

To most, that threat would sound completely ridiculous or utterly insane, but your fiancé was the head of the Seoul mob-the South West branch anyway- and he was no stranger to violence. Having someone killed would be as easy as snapping his fingers.

You scoffed to call his bluff.

“You think I won’t?” he challenged and you groaned.

“You promised you were done with that.”

It’s true, one of the conditions of your engagement had been that Mingyu agree to put the more sinister side of his business to rest, and although you trusted him, in all honesty, you weren’t sure how well he was upholding his end of the deal.

“I’d make an exception.”

“Well don’t. I don’t want some poor guy’s blood on my hands.”

At that, the car screeched to a stop right in the middle of the freeway. The cars behind you honked and flashed their lights at Mingyu as they maneuvered to avoid a collision.

You huffed in frustration, wanting to bang your head against the dashboard. This was exactly why you didn’t like for Mingyu to drive himself: he pulled dangerous shit all the time like this. Literally, all of his other men had drivers who took them places and you desperately wished Mingyu would hire someone, but he insisted that it was safest if he was the one driving (yet here you were in the middle of the highway).

“You could’ve fucking killed us!” you shouted, more annoyed than anything.

Mingyu took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. But y/n, he’s not just some poor guy.”

“He was trying to get a rise out of you, Gyu. He fucking hates you, of course, he’d go after me, and he was drunk.”

Mingyu narrowed his eyes at you, foot still pressed firmly on the brake. “That’s not a fucking excuse, you of all people should know that. Why are you trying to defend him?”

“I’m not trying to defend him, I’m just saying he doesn’t deserve to die. Can we please just get home?”

Mingyu relented and put the car back into motion making you breathe a sigh of relief.

Even though he didn’t say anything else you could tell his mind was still going a thousand miles a minute. You watched him chew at his lip in silence and wondered what was going on in that beautiful head of his. Nothing good, you could be sure of that.

Mingyu’s mind was darker than most. Occupational hazard. He carried so much pain that you hadn’t known about when you first met him. He’d let you in slowly, keeping you at arm’s length for months, until he almost lost you. And then he knew he couldn’t keep things from you anymore. It was still a challenge to understand his thought process sometimes, but you liked it that way. How could a ruthless, power-hungry mobster also be the most loving, family-oriented person you’d ever met in your life? How could someone who dropped a grand on a dinner like it was nothing secretly rather spend one more night picnicking with crappy Chinese food on the bedroom floor in your old apartment? You couldn’t think of an answer, and you didn’t want to.

The guy at the bar tonight had been some rival of Mingyu’s. You hadn’t seen him before, but you could tell because when Mingyu got up to get the two of you more drinks he swooped in and laid it on heavy. He looped one arm around your waist and placed his other hand on your knee and began attempting to seduce you. Sure, you were uncomfortable but more than anything you were angry. And tired. Tired of being used as bait, something to get to Mingyu.

You didn’t want to make a scene so you listened to the asshole talk about how much better he’d treat you than Mingyu until your fiancé eventually returned with your drinks in hand, face beet red, eyes dark with anger.

The man, you never caught his name, left the bar with a broken nose. Mingyu left with bruised knuckles. You’d thought it would end at that, but of course, once Mingyu got started it was hard for him to stop. It was a gift in the bedroom, but a curse in the rest of your life.

Then, so softly you almost didn’t hear it, Mingyu broke the silence in the car and said “I know what he said to you,” and it all clicked.

Normally, a hand on your shoulder, thigh, ass was enough to set Mingyu off, but combine that with the filthy words he’d undoubtedly overheard spilling from the man’s lips… no wonder all he could see was red.

“Mingyu, I-“

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to start something.”

“Start something? Is that true? Or do you think he’s right?”

“No, of course not.”

“Do you think he can satisfy you better than I can?”

“Mingyu!”

“Well do you?”

You shook your head and rubbed your thighs together, fighting a shiver. As irritating as Mingyu’s jealousy could be, the effect it had on you was even more infuriating. The man could already turn you on without doing anything and whenever he started acting a little jealous it was game over for you. It was pathetic, really.

“Why the fuck did he even think it was okay to look at you, let alone touch you?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged finally settling in to play the game. “These big dudes with huge muscles just think they can have whoever they want.”

Mingyu whipped his head back towards you. “What did you say?”

You ignored him. “I mean he definitely wouldn’t be as good as you, but he could do some damage.” Mingyu was full-on glaring at you now, and you wanted to tell him to keep his eyes on the road, but you couldn’t give up so fast. “I mean, just one of his hands could probably wrap around my whole neck. Like they were giant, and you know what they say about guys with big hands-“

“Do you think this is funny?”

Any sane person wouldn’t even think about taunting Mingyu like this, not with his reputation, but you couldn’t be sane to be with someone like Mingyu anyway, and besides, you knew he was a big softie at heart.

“A little,” you admitted. “You look really hot right now.”

He really did. His hair was tousled with silver highlights from the moonlight streaming in through the windshield, his tan skin was flushed with adrenaline, and his white button-up was unbuttoned just a few times to show off his collarbone. You bit your lip. You were so fucking weak.

“That’s not going to work.”

“No?” You quirked an eyebrow and leaned over the console to see that he was already more than half hard in his dress pants. “Because it looks like it’s working.” You reached over and began to palm him through his trousers, smirking when he cursed and rolled his neck at the contact.

“Y/n, if I have to pull over, you’re not going to be able to walk for the next week.”

Oh no, that’d be horrible you thought to yourself and rolled your eyes. He had to know that’s what you secretly wanted, right? Right? Why were men so stupid?

Either way, you took your hand back and moved it up under the hem of your dress to where you were feeling a little desperate for some friction. You sighed deeply when you rubbed yourself over your panties, not even surprised at how wet you were.

“Fuck,” you hissed out and hiked your legs up onto the seat so you could give Mingyu a better view.

“Stop that.”

He said it so forcefully that you froze, fingers hovering over your panties, about to pull them to the side. Then you smiled.

“No.” You went ahead and did it anyway, slipping two fingers inside of yourself easily.

You weren’t one to defy Mingyu often, especially when it came to what he asked of you in the bedroom, but you knew how crazy it drove him and just couldn’t resist.

Mingyu groaned, trying and failing to maintain an angry expression. His eyes betrayed an absolutely sinful lust that made you want to melt and you wished more than anything he’d just pull the fucking car over.

“Fuck, Gyu,” you gasped, “I wish these were your fingers, you’re so good with your fingers.”

“Yeah? You sure you wish they’re my fingers? Not someone else’s?”

You shook your head vigorously. “Never. You’re the only one who knows how to make me cum that hard.”

“Is that what you want? To cum hard?”

“God, yes,” you moaned, pumping your fingers in and out of you faster.

“Take off your dress.”

“What?” you weren’t sure if you’d heard him right, you were still driving down the highway after all.

“You heard me. Take. It. Off.”

Not wanting to push your luck any further you didn’t hesitate to listen this time and pulled the loose fabric up and over your head.

“Good girl,” he praised and you whined. You were still wearing your bra and underwear and as much as you’d love to flash oncoming traffic, you hoped Mingyu wouldn’t ask you to take them off.

“You can touch yourself,” he said and you complied, knowing it was more of an instruction than an allowance.

It felt good, really good, but you still wished it was him instead of you.

“Fuck, darling you look so beautiful like that, God, I can’t believe I get to marry you.”

“If, you stop, killing people,” you managed to get out through gritted teeth and Mingyu laughed.

“I’m not going to kill him, baby. I made a promise. You’re too important to risk losing, even if he is a fucking prick.”

You whimpered, the mixture of complete head-over-heels love you felt for Mingyu and pleasure making you crumble.

“Don’t worry, baby,” he said, reaching over and taking you by the wrist, stalling your movements just as you were about to fall over the edge. “I’m gonna fuck you so hard you’ll forget you ever met that asshole.”

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