#it just hurts more than the emotional pain bc i cant even try to pretend it isnt real

[ableedingpromise]

Seeing her go so far for her sister's son when he isn't even in danger or anything but wouldn't even let me go to the doctor or take pain meds when I was in a similar situation is actually making me feel rage I didn't know existed :D

[cassyapper]

bless you @bisexyofficial

i’ll put a cut so ppl who dont wanna see it dont have to wade through my ramblings but

jonathan joestar’s whole life was a tragedy nd im tired of pretending it’s not

tw suicide btw

i have been thinking abt this for so long and i only recently figured out how to word it so let’s go

first things first;;; he’s in a carriage accident as a child, in which his mother dies while protecting him from the brunt of impact. i have no doubt in my MIND george kinda blames jonathan for his wife’s death because of this (ill get back to why i think so in a minute). but even if george didn’t, it seems like it’s in jonathan’s nature to blame himself as well

i think that’s why he tries so hard to be the hero (for example, when he steps in to help erina even though he was no match at all for the bullies). he wants to pay it forward if you will; he thinks he’s living on borrowed time, and he doesn’t want to carry that debt longer than he must, which in this case would mean...dying for the good of someone else asap. not good!

so frankly already i think he was never in the best place mentally but he was like okay relative to how bad it would get.

but then dio ~the invader~

dio comes in with the life mission of making jonathan so miserable he kills himself so that he can have all the joestar inheritance. jonathan no doubt picked up on this, considering dio was never subtle about it lol

i think the only reason he didnt go along with it is because, especially in western christain culture at the time, suicide was seen as the easy way out/a sin/something selfish, which wasnt how jonathan wanted to go. he wanted to kill himself sure but he wanted the benefit of the doubt regarding it and he wanted it to be because he was saving someone else

my proof of this line of thinking is all very subtle but it is there and it’s all in the fact that jonathan does nothing to stop dio from tormenting HIM. when he lashes out a dio, it’s only when dio drags others into their feud, like erina and danny and later george and eventually windknights lot. but when it was just him? jonathan took it and swallowed it and did nothing in retaliation. because he though he deserved it

this lack of action is echoed in how he just takes his father’s abuse as well; george jumped on the opportunity to belittle jonathan (such as the dinner table manners bs/otherwise always comparing jonathan to dio in a way “why cant you be more like him” way) and always believed dio over jonathan when they squabbled bc, as mentioned earlier, he blames jonathan for his wife’s death and he loves having some reason to be mad at jonathan. jonathan just takes it and accepts the unfair punishments (such as when george literally STARVED HIM, A GROWING PRETEEN BOY) because again, he believes he deserves it. he believes he is inherently bad

this line of thinking would also explain why he never tries to reconnect with erina until theyre adults and erina initiates it; he doesnt want her to be targeted because of HIM again. he wont drag her back into his messes for the selfish reason of him wanting her company

so. jonathan doesnt like himself. he is perfectly fine with others using him as their emotional/physical punching bag but he will get upset if others get involved

jonathan is selfless to a fault and it really really hurts, u guys. it’s born out of love for others but also a disdain for himself and that hurts

but anyway

then george dies when jonathan is only 19 and even though george was abusive to jonathan, jonathan still mourns him because he felt like he deserved that abuse. and to add salt to the wound, george dies in jonathan’s place iirc so jonathan just feels. awful. fuck god fuck. especially bc he died cause dio got obsessed with a mask JONATHAN left where he could find. obviously it’s not jonathan’s fault for real but this man will perform mental gymnastics to make himself out to be the one to blame because it’s how he’s lived his whole life and it’s how he stomached pain his whole life. it’s easier to take things if u think u deserve them

anyway anyway then part 1 main events. zeppeli, the only real father figure in jonathan’s life, dies, also in place of jonathan. i have no doubt in my mind jonathan feels like he’s a curse onto his loved ones at this point, if he hadn’t thought so earlier; a bad luck charm. after all, the later generations of joestar gotta get it from somewhere-

anyway this death does fuel jonathan enough to kill dio rather than any notions he mightve had of just dying heroically in the fight. esp because dio was gonna continue hurting people if he wasn’t stopped. so jonathan kills him rather than falling into a self-destructive fate

we see, when jonathan weeps over dio’s “death”, that he is sad over this death. most of this is bc dio was a brother in some measure to him since dio changed tactics of how he’d swipe the joestar fortune and became a little more amicable toward jonathan for a handful of years, as well as the fact that he now had time to properly mourn zeppeli/his father now. but i feel like another death he was mourning in this instance was less dio/his father/zeppeli, and more the death of his self-blame line of thought

 killing dio, a man who had become a symbol for jonathan’s self-blame and self-disdain, was a big stepping stone in jonathan’s healing i feel like. he’s gotta work on it obviously but i think at this point, when he had the guts to kill dio while also being self-preservative, he was ready to start trying to live for himself in addition to his loved ones. he was ready to unshoulder the guilt he had felt his whole life. he was ready to heal, because erina, speedwagon, and zeppeli showed him he had something inside him that was worth loving. and he might not have gotten it then but with time...maybe he would

he finally starts piecing a life together, a real life. he marries erina, he’s besties with speedwagon, he gets a new home, it’s good, it’s good, he is starting to become happy in life and happy he’s alive for the first time since he can remember

but then it turns out dio is not actually dead and he infiltrated jonathan’s honeymoon ship specifically because it was jonathan’s and he kills almost everyone on board while he’s there. erina is in danger again. a child is in danger. and much like dio was never actually dead, neither was his tendency to shoulder blame and self-disdain

basically, as a result of this jarring situation on a day that was supposed to be one of the happiest of his life, jonathan is thrown back to his 12 year old mindset; it was fine if it was just him. he can die heroically via fighting someone as vile as dio (which in my opinion is why dio even got the jump on him via the laser eyes in the first place; jonathan shouldve been able to dodge that........but w/e). but he can’t let this happen to the world. he can’t let this happen to erina. he needs her to get away from him and thus, the danger

and well, we know how part one ends. jonathan gets his wish. he dies alone with the person he hates most, having relapsed all the healing he had done. he dies a heroic death rather than a “shameful” one of suicide. he dies blaming himself for this mess, just how he had lived most of his life

jonathan is a tragedy. he is shouldered blame unfairly given to him from his father, dio, and he himself his whole fucking life. when he finally, finally has the chance to start healing and making peace with himself, dio kills him, and in addition to that, jonathan’s last acts are the results of a mental rebound from a healthier mindset to a unhealthy one, that culminates in his death. he is alone with the person who is representative of all that made his life shit when he dies

and dawg...it hurts so bad. fucking jonathan joestar

anyway this is why comments abt how nice he is make me so sad sumtimes, especially when it’s re how forgiving/”gentlemanly” he is. it’s bc he felt he deserved that hurt in the first place so of course he wouldn’t hold it against them. he’s kinda shocked someone would feel guilty over it in the first place, but he’s happy to forgive because he doesnt think a slight occured because he thinks he deserved it, which we can see in speedwagon’s introduction

anyway jonathan is as much of a tragedy as the rest of the joestars i need people to acknowledge this. im in tears

[fukozawa]

I’m totally and completely at a loss. Had another meltdown/breakdown last night because it feels like i cant catch a break. This last week has been a whiplash. I cant emphasize how much the past 7 days have truly revealed the absolute worst in all the humans i held close to my heart, of which now i can no longer trust. Every other day the emotional pain is added on to, another family member decides to stab me in the back. I have no one else to turn to and no one in my family i can trust anymore. The whole reason i decided to stay in my grandmas house in tijuana is bc i cant handle living in my abusive mothers home anymore back in the states, but it was naive of me to think that the rest of my family would be any different. I need to get away so fucking bad but i have no where else to go and no one i can rely on and no one to help me. Ive never felt more trapped in my life with no way out. My whole chest physically aches with every second that passes. I’m having to grieve the loss of my entire family cuz i cant go on associating myself with them anymore, for my own safety and peace of mind.

Tw sh

I cant stop my brain from dissociating its so hard. I’m finding it impossible to be present as hard as I’m trying it feels useless. Every minute my thoughts drift in and out of fantasies of hurting myself. Starving myself. Depriving myself of sleep. Cutting open my skin. Ripping out my hair. Banging my head on the tile floor. Intrusive thoughts like “what if instead of pouring this boiling water into my coffee cup i just pour it all over my hands instead?” All in order to feel some kind of physical sensation because pain is the only thing that can bring me back to my body. Pain is the only thing that is enough to remind me that i am Real. That i Exist. The desire use a blade on my skin is ever present. The knowledge of where to find the blades are always ringing in the back of my mind. The memories of bliss after the first sight of blood that beads overtop a cut into my bodies largest organ. The aftercare required to make sure the bleeding stops and how much nothing else matters except taking care of that immediate wound. The knowledge that this wound will scar and be a forever reminder of the amount of pain i went through. I want it so bad. More than i have in a literal decade. I have the scars to remind me of how permanent the decision to hurt myself is, and yet at the moment i don’t give a single fuck because all i can think of is doing anything to pull me back to my own body. I feel so far away. As I’m typing this right now I’m not even sure whos saying the words and whos moving the fingers. I feel hollow, a shell of a person. Every smile is forced and every interaction is a painful lie because I’m pretending to be okay while having zero conscious choice in any small decision i make. No one understands and i cant tell anyone what i feel otherwise theyll look at me like I’m crazier than they already thought.

[justsomefluff]

hello!! i found your blog not so long ago and i already love it so much, i was wondering if (if your request are open) you could do an ateez reaction to their s/o crying/pouting because they(atz) got jealous and they were ignoring their s/o (almost like the hwa reaction to you dancing w/ another member) 🥺 i love your blog so much.. hope your staying safe!!! 🤍

Okay, my sweet anon, this ended up being shorter than I originally wrote it bc it got deleted last time but I think I hit all the important stuff anyway! Also, I appreciate the positivity and I hope you are staying safe as well! <3

Summary: Ateez gets jealous of your conversation with another member. During a group dinner. Since they are feeling neglected, they decide to give you a taste of your own medicine.

Hongjoong:

Okay so Hongjoong is totally calm about his bitterness

Like he’s definitely staring daggers at whichever member you’re talking to

But other than throwing a dirty glance in their direction every once in a while

No one will even be able to notice that he’s remotely upset about anything

I think that he’s probably used to covering his emotions well since he’s the leader and he feels like he needs to be the most mature and stuff

That can lead him to being kind of reserved about his emotions though and that might bug some people

And so when you finally start giving him some attention

He’s gonna turn away from you and just flat out pretend he cant hear you

But when you finally get home at the end of the night and you’re sulking because he hasn’t said a word to you since before dinner

He starts to feel hella guilty

Like he never wants to hurt you but his jealousy really just took control of him that night for some reason

And if you’re making big, sad eyes at him and following him like a puppy as he does his nightly routine…

He’s done for

But I feel like once you actually start having a conversation, he’s very good at keeping it from turning into an argument

Good at “I feel” statements you know?

But both of you recover from this rather quickly and just make it up to each other by snuggling for the rest of the night

Seonghwa:

So Seonghwa is the type to act normal enough that the guys won’t notice that anything is wrong

But you know him well enough to know that he’s being kind of cold to you for some reason

And if you notice he’s being super low-key rude to another member then you can kind of connect the dots and understand why he’s upset

He will never let any of the guys see his anger though

Mostly because he’s the oldest and he feels that responsibility to them to only show them his good side if he can help it

So he will talk to you, but only like one word at a time

And he’ll brush you off if you touch him

But he will disguise it by reaching for food or something

He’s good at this okay

But if you just keep staring at him and the guys notice enough to ask you what’s wrong, then he’ll tell you to fake it til you get home

And you do because you don’t want to upset him more yk

And when you get home though, you’re almost in tears bc hiding it like that was so exhausting and painful

When he sees you starting to break a little, then he’s hugging you

Like .5 seconds to cross the room to get to you okay

Drama Mama Hwa to Protective Boyfriend Hwa that quick

He’ll explain why he was upset and you’ll explain your side as well

And once you’re finished, you’re both calm and forgiving about it

Even if you don’t fully understand each others point of view, you get it enough to let it go

Then you both just pass out together bc emotions are tiring

But you definitely wake up with smiles on your faces the next morning

Yunho:

(this is how he sulks at you okay its adorable, i just wanna give him the world)

this jealous baby

Like did you guys see that video of him and Wooyoung eating cheese tteokbokki like San was just tryna help no need to get your boxers in a bunch sweetie

But anyways, I digress

If he’s jealous, he’s gonna let you know straight out the gate

Like he’ll literally tap you on the shoulder and then act like he did nothing

And at first you’re like aw cute he’s being playful

But really he just wants you to know he’s ignoring you on purpose

Like how dare you not notice that Im ignoring you purposefully… He’s not gonna put in all this effort just for you to not notice okay

And when your brain finally connects those dots its like ugh

But Yunho is easy to break okay

Like the second you pay him even a lick of attention he’s so happy

Its just really hard for him to stay upset

But dammit he’s gonna try his best to keep it up until he thinks you have both neglected each other for an equal amount of time

But both of you are kinda clingy

So even if you both know this won’t last for very long, you still get kinda sad about it

And the second your lip juts out and you’re pouting

He’s smooshing your cheeks and just going “aigooooooo” and babying you and stuff

All the other members are disgusted but they’re just jealous okay I said what I said

Yeosang:

(Kang Yeosang character summary: will ignore you for chicken)

Okay I don’t think Yeosang is the type to ignore you on purpose

He just gets really in his head when he’s jealous and gets quiet

And I feel like we see more of Yeosang’s quiet side rather than his expressive side

So maybe he’s shyer about emotions? Idk this is all speculation anyway

So if he’s in his head, he’s definitely not trying to hurt you or anything

He’s just thinking about everything and feeling neglected and insecure

Poor baby

Like he’s only gonna notice that you’re sad about him ignoring you once youre alone

Bc nothing else can distract him from you aw

And if you’re even the slightest bit teary, all of his insecurities fly out the window

Like all his focus will be on making you feel better

And when you say that you’re upset bc he was ignoring you

He’ll literally be like… you were ignoring me tho???

Also he strikes me as the type to laugh in serious situations so he will deadass burst out laughing 

Like full on cackling

You’re half crying and just staring at him like ??? Wtf???

And he’s like WE IGNORED EACH OTHER HAHAHA

What the hell’s so funny about that you absolute crackhead

But then youre laughing too bc you realize that this entire situation is kind of ridiculous anyway

And both of you get over just like that, and spend the rest of the night giving each other all the love and affection you have to spare

San:

Okay San’s type of jealousy is more aggressive I think

Like not that he’s aggressive towards anyone about, just it impacts him way more than anyone else

So it can really take a toll on your relationship sometimes

But I do feel like, if he’s gonna ignore you, it’s only gonna be while you’re in front of the members

But as soon as you get home, all the emotions are gonna come out at once

Like as soon as you step through the door, word vomit all over the place

And if you’re eyes are glossy too then both of you are gonna end up crying

And neither of you are really sure why you’re crying, you’re just soft babies okay

But I do think that San is more accusatory in these situations

Like a lot of “you did this” instead of “this is how I feel”

So it can start arguments sometimes

This time though, you’re both just emo and soft

Since you’re both a little bit weepy, you’re both just apologizing profusely 

but neither of you really know why you’re sorry

You just are

And no formal resolution is reached because you both fall asleep all cozied up to each other with tears drying on both of your faces

And you wake up in the morning, kind of giggling at each other

All the negativity got washed out of your systems anyway :)

Mingi:

this BABY

he’s jealous but if he ignores you omg

its so hard for him to do

god like he's not even good at it

like he’s ignoring you but still holding your hand??

like how does that work

but anyway, even if you're pouting at him and stuff

he will be the one who ends up crying

like “why did you ignore meee”

and you're like... I didn't even realize I was??

so you decide to tell him what you and the members were talking about

and then all of a sudden, he’s distracted

like “ooh that interesting”

tell me more

or if it was a debate he’ll pick a side and have a full discussion with you

or if he agrees with you, he will playfully diss the other members for being wrong lmao

basically, just distract him and everything will be all set

just don't make a habit of ignoring him bc then he will really feel unloved and no one is allowed to hurt my Minnie

Wooyoung: 

So, Wooyoung is more exaggerated with the way he expresses his emotions

And we all know that I mean we’ve seen it

So when he gets jealous, he feels it in his chest

Then those emotions bubble up and come out in the form of hysterics

So he goes extra crazy for a little bit

Like not showing anger or anything, just being excessively crackheadish

And obviously not giving any of that attention to you

You notice it immediately

Like if he’s super excited, he always gives you most of his attention bc he really wants to share that happiness with you

But if he’s ignoring you, its really obvious

And you really feel the hurt bc its like… he never acts like this normally

So once you get home you’ve pretty much had it

Like your eyes are welling up and he’s just kind of looks at you like “oh nooooooo, I done messed up”

And he’s holding you and apologizing and being sweet and explaining why he did it

Literally swears up and down he will never do it again

Bc when he feels guilty it’s overwhelming for him too

Especially when it comes to you

So you end up snuggling each other the whole night to make up for the time you lost ignoring each other

Jongho:

Jongho is definitely more reserved about his emotions and we see that a lot

I feel like its probably because he’s the youngest and he doesn’t want his hyungs to think he’s immature or incapable of handling his emotions

So he is gonna try to maintain that tough facade in front of his members at all costs

And they won’t really notice if you guys are having problems bc I feel like he tends to keep things about your relationship more private in front of them anyway

So if he’s ignoring you, the other guys will just assume that he’s trying to keep being tough

No one is allowed to see Jongho soft okay

But you will be seeing him turn soft the second he notices that you’re hurting

If he notices that you’re upset when you’re with the guys, he will take you home early

The second you’re alone, protective and soft Jongho combine to form that side of him the guys arent allowed to see

He hates that he’s the reason you’re feeling hurt

Will try literally anything to make you feel better

He is not gonna stop touching you and holding you and babying you all night

Has to be in contact with you in some way or he’ll cry

But either way he’s gonna be the best boyfriend to make up with

Bc he behaves this way after every conflict you have

Forever a sweetheart

[ketchup-monthly]

Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

So

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Or

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

[curious-menace]

Have I really ever requested one thing of you (the pegging telltale Riddler h/c)? Time to change that; let's see how the Eddies would respond to being told by their partner that they're a "bad boy" and "need to be punishment" (sexually, of course) - Pegging Anon.

I really enjoy these kinds of asks. honestly just give me a blank check for mayhem, unleash me upon the riddlers like a plague of locusts 

nsfw below the cut

Arkham! Riddler

please be careful with this riddler. He has problems reading peoples tone and if he thinks youre angry at him you're liable to send him into a panic.

he really doesn't like dirty talk. dont call him a slut or a whore or anything like that. Not only is it demeaning and humiliating( 2 things this riddler doesnt deal well with) its just a terrible way to get him to do what you want.

again, the idea of punishment in a sexy setting is a turn off for him. He’s afraid of being strangled or choked and he doesn't find being hit sexy.

to put it simply, this riddler reacts better to the carrot than the stick. if you want a good reaction out of him, praise and affection work better. call him a good boy, give him pets and rewards. 

IF you were to coax him into it, safeword, soft restraints and reassuring from you that everything will be ok, he’ll still probably cry. he might enjoy himself but the emotional stress will still leave him in an utter state.

i know some people use BDSM to cope with trauma but maybe dont try this on him. pitch the idea and let him mull it over. dont bring it up more than once or twice and let him decide

he always needs a lot of aftercare. he needs to be constantly reassured, not just after sex, that you love him , that he’s done well. lots of kisses and soft words and let him rest from the heavy stuff for a little while. 

Blacklight riddler

another riddler you need to tread carefully with. he’s a kinky shit but like...a soft kinky shit who bruises easily.

He wont need coaxing. its either a hell yes or a hell no and you shouldn't push that. He likes sex games but he’s got trauma, sometimes something that was fine yesterday is triggering today so please be gentle and respectful with him.

He doesnt mind being called a bad boy, just not too often. mix it up and don't patronise him all the time . you can tell him off without treating him like a kid. 

he likes edging and orgasm denial as a punishment. just dont ruin his orgasm or he wont let you do it again. 

please don't ever hit him during sex. a playful thump on the arm when he’s telling a bad joke is one thing but if you touch him roughly during the act, even if he knows its coming, he finds it triggering. 

He’s pretty exclusively a sub but don't think that means he’s into punishment all the time. mostly he just likes his dominant to take care of him.

BTAS Riddler

i feel like it would throw him for a loop. he’d be confused as all hell, even if you said it in a sexy voice he might not get the message.

 he’d probably scoff at the idea. the notion that he’s anything other than perfect is laughable. he’s certainly not some sort of bad boy. you should sit on his lap and get him on the same page as you. watch his mouth go dry and his eyes go wide as you explain all the things you're going to do to him for being bad. he’ll do his best to stay composed but we both know its you who’d be wearing the pants by the end of the conversation. 

he’d want to be tied up. he’ll be gibbering and rambling the entire time, desperately trying to stay in control of the situation.  He’ll try to do things for you but a gentle reminder that you’re in control and if he doesn't anything he’ll be punished more will have him biting his tongue. 

I think humiliation works best on this one. im imagining something with rope or his suits since he’s so fond of them. maybe try and make him cum while still clothed? maybe some shibari under his suit jacket? i’ll let you decide. 

he doesnt have a safeword bc he thinks its strictly a bdsm thing and refuses to admit he’s into that. he prefers to use the traffic light system. although you probably had to teach him that. before hand he was using some nonsense riddler made system involving humming different songs. ode to joy for fun/keep going and  vivaldi winter for slow down.  you will have to gently explain what a batshit insane idea that was. 

Original Riddler

I imagine he’d be into it, moreso initially than the others. He doesnt have so much emotional baggage and he’s game to try anything once. 

I dont know if he’d find the idea of punishment sexy but he’ll try it for you. he’d probably just prefer you to frame it as impact play or degradation or whatever “just because” you wanna try it. something about it being a meant as a punishment just seems weird to him 

he does like being called names but in a cute playful way. he’s not liable to take offence at anything you say, inside or outside the bedroom but digs at his appearance do sting a little. even if youre “in character” so to speak when you say them. just reassure him after that you dont really think those things.

He’s one of the tallest riddlers and also has zero shame so you’ll need to be inventive when thinking of punishments. tying him up could actually hurt him with his circulation, he runs around in glittery spandex all day anyway so good luck trying to humiliate him. 

Because he is so tall and strong, its hard to hurt him. you could try spanking him, ask him to count out the spanks and listen as his voice gets higher and more unsteady with each one. 

actually in that note and given his penchant for dress up maybe you could try sub/dom roleplay? pretend you're a doctor/nurse or something and you're punishing him for his bad diet? if the punishment thing doesn't work out at least you’ll both get a giggle out of it. 

Telltale Riddler

Oh he is absolutely going to fight you on this one “i think YOU'RE the one who needs punishing , love.” . if you want to punish him you’ll have to fight for that right

he’s never really subbed before he met you. He’s happy to show you how to punish a sub but he really needs practice letting someone else hold the reins.

he pretends he doesn't like dirty talk. if you get him riled up and start whispering filthy things in his ear he’s going to melt a little. 

I cant think of a specific he’d like or something he’d find egregiously offensive, so i think you've got a blank cheque for mayhem here. do what you like and he’ll tell you then and there if he’s into it or not.  

but no blinders or restraints though. he’s claustrophobic after being in that icebox. He IS an escapartist mind you. even if you put him in something he’ll have wiggled out of it before you can blink . he MIGHT tolerate something just there for aesthetics or because the fabric feels nice, like maybe his tie or your hair bow tied loosely around his arms.

in the same vein, he’s sensitive so maybe you could lightly torture him with some sensory stuff. ice cubes or wax play?

Zero year Riddler

i Cannot stress to you enough what a horny fuck this one is. at the mere MENTION of sexy punishment he’s like “oh yes punish me ive been bad “ wiggling his ass in the air like a target. will call you Daddy regardless of your gender because we all know he has  issues. 

He’s 100 percent going to lean into it, goad you and taunt you to punish him more, get angrier or hit him harder. he gets off on the pain, yes but he also just really enjoys being an insufferable shit. 

“EDWARD THIS IS PUNISHMENT YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO ENJOY IT” - you, probably. 

i dont think the traditional sexy punishment things will work on this one. youre going to have to get creative. like tell him you are in charge of his wardrobe and death traps for the week. 

something that MIGHT work would be forcing him to wear a toy or even just some lingerie under his suit. He’s going to be embarrassed as all hell because this riddler is a big buff cheeto puff who takes his appearance seriously. BUT he cant deny the thrill of maybe the lace poking out over his waist band when he bends or the outline of a bralette being seen under his shirt, isnt a little arousing.

please dont be surprised when he turns around a week later and pulls this exact same shit on you. 

there you go nonnie !  this one was quite a lot of fun! i have a rule of trying not to write more than 6 points for each but it was hard to compress down this time around. so much variety in personality and temperament in the one character there's a lot to write about 

got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm! im always game to talk about our favorite curious menace 💚💜

[kpopinesss]

Y U N H O ⇨ office au

THE ONE WHERE HE’S YOUR EX AND SAN’S A PAIN IN THE ASS

could also be considered ‘the break up’ but eh.

a/n(@atinybitofau): had to post this on my main bc tumblr was being a b i t c h. been having bad writers block so this may be some mediocre content sorry in advance guys 😭

• it’s hard as it is working with your ex

• but it’s harder when your ex?

• is your goddamn boss.

• “Y/n, have you signed off the P&L reports yet?”

• he’s been working you to the bone.

• you’re losing sleep out of work and you don’t get paid enough to be doing this shit.

• two years after the break up, you’d think he’d be over it.

• and he was doing relatively well.

• up until only a couple weeks ago.

• “I still have those budget requests to do, Yunho. I haven’t even—“

• “Gotten up your ass to finish the work I put on your desk?”

• you mentally shoot him brain dead.

• but smile instead.

• “I’m sorry.” you force it out knowing losing your job considering your financial complications as of late was in no option. “I’ll get to it. I promise.”

• “You’ve never been good in the promise department. So just do your job, y/n. Then we won’t have any problems, yeah?”

• there was a reason you decided to end things with Yunho.

• it wasn’t because you fell out of love with him.

• It’s just...

• things at work got bad with coworkers.

• thinking you were sucking his dick and shit to get your way.

• having too much privelage— even if you didn’t.

• jealous?

• yeah women were jealous.

• too jealous.

• you went through lengths to keep things stable.

• but you couldn’t anymore.

• your social stand was not near as strong as Yunho’s

• and you still loved him which kind of sucks.

• considering now that he hates your guts.

• “What do you mean you can’t make it tonight? Who does that asshole think he is?”

• you sighed, head spinning out of tire wanting nothing but to lay in San’s arms so he could make the pain go away.

• “My boss.” you rub at your temples. “And your best friend, San. You shouldn’t talk about him like that.”

• “For Christ’s sake, y/n, he’s killing you!”

• “I’m not losing my job, San.”

• “Then work for me.”

• No.

• you can’t..

• “I can’t.”

• and your body’s only saying so because—

• “Because you’re still in fucking love with Yunho.”

• San was angry.

• angry because you can’t move on

• you refuse to move on even if it kills you.

• “God, y/n, it’s been years. Get over it.”

• you roll your eyes. “San, why does it even matter to you?”

• “Because who else is going to come with me to hot pot if you’re stuck at work doing dumb and menial reports that he could finish in 5 minutes. Don’t forget that I do his job. Work his role and know when he’s abusing it. And he’s abusing you.”

• your heart hurts to hear it.

• yeah I mean,

• you already know that.

• but you still had hope for Yunho.

• even if you didn’t tell him why you broke up,

• you’d want him to figure out that you’re still bloody in love with him.

• “I’m tired of keeping your secret.” San whispers this time through the phone and your eyes scan the room. “Y/n, if you won’t tell him. I will.”

• “San, I love you and all but for the love of god, don’t do that.”

• “I KNEW IT!”

• you hide your phone into your lap, face cherry red when your fuming tall boss hits his head against the top of the door frame.

• you look in horror.

• hearing echoes of San’s voice before stumbling back in your rolly chair.

• “Yunho?”

• “I knew it.” He shakily points a finger at you. “I fucking knew it you lying snake of a bitch.”

• “Bitch excuse me?”

• your eyebrows cock up and your heart is either pounding from shock.

• or pounding cause of him in general.

• “BITCH?!”

• please San, shut up, you mentally curse while holding the speaker against your palm.

• “You think I wouldn’t have noticed? Your little affair with my best friend no less— you’ve been pining him since we were dating. I fucking knew it.”

• wait.

• wait just a second.

• “What the fuck are you talking about?”

• your tone was crude

• pure venom laced.

• and angry was the least of your emotions right now.

• “Oh my god, is this what the torture has been about Yunho? You’ve been stressing me day by day because you think I’m messing around with San?”

• in tiny font, you can hear San ask,

• aren’t you?

• “Don’t pin this shit on me!”

• you stand up.

• stand up because you can’t fucking believe it sitting down.

• “Yunho, you can’t be serious.” you throw papers at him. the papers he’d been throwing at you for the past weeks. “Be my ex out of work. Don’t act like it in it. God— how can I be so dense? And to think you were just fucking me over because you didn’t love me anymore.”

• Yunho was confused.

• angry nonetheless.

• but wondering why you sounded distraught.

• why you were making it his fault?

• why it sounded like you still loved him when he was sure you didn’t.

• “I’m your ex any place you go, honey. Think about that the next time you’re fucking San.”

• you were speechless.

• breathless when you watch him to try to leave after starting this up.

• “Yunho, don’t you dare walk out on me. We’re not done talking.”

• he stops, back facing you.

• and you swear you can even hear his heart beating over yours.

• “You have a call waiting.”

• “Yunho please.” Your voice breaks.

• tired.

• you were tired loving him.

• cause though you suffered being with him,

• you were starting to think you’re suffering more without him.

• “Please talk to me.”

• Yunho turns, whips around like a hunter ready to prey. “You can’t ask me that.”

• “Why? Cause you’re my boss or because you’re my ex?”

• “Y/n, don’t fucking— don’t make this me. Stop trying to make this me.”

• you feel nailed down.

• as if the devil were holding your head in place to stare at not just your boss, but your ex.

• “It’s always been you though.”

• your tummy churns and your eyes start to water.

• your heart hurts and so does your knees from holding you up.

• Yunho’s no different.

• staring at you.

• loving from far away.

• being your boss?

• he didn’t want it anymore.

• but he couldn’t fire you even if he wanted to.

• “Always been you. The LAST person I’ve fucked, the reason I’m overworked, the person I’m still in love with— yes, Yunho, it’s always you.”

• “Don’t. Y/n, don’t lie to me.”

• “I’m not lying. I’m tired of hiding the truth. And so be it if I have to file a fucking resignation letter tonight but I’m not going to hide this shit anymore.”

• his eyes wide in horror, places his hands on your waist when you force yourself on him.

• your lips targeted on his in perfect aim.

• landing the perfect kiss.

• and Yunho knows you’ve never lacked at a job.

• especially if it’s out of work.

• you frown against the lips feeling hesitation and you kiss him until he kisses back.

• but he doesn’t.

• now you’re a crying mess.

• “San was right. I waited too long. Waited too long to—“

• “Tell me that you still love me?”

• Yunho’s never been bad at being Yunho.

• always brass.

• always warm.

• so warm.

• “The people.. people that work for you abused me. Abused me for being with you. I couldn’t love you properly even though I wanted to. San told me. Told me to tell you but I didn’t want you to worry about me. Worry about us so I ended it. Ended up loving you from far away. How it should be.”

• you slowly retract looking up at him,

• realizing yes this may be your boss.

• but he was still your ex.

• “Why didn’t you tell me?”

• Yunho was pained.

• felt guilty for being a dick

• but felt even worse because he’s the real reason the relationship failed.

• because he was more your boss than he was your boyfriend.

• “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

• “Because by the time I realized I should’ve, you stopped loving me.”

• he sighs, momentarily numb in your eyes.

• before lightly brushing a thumb against your tears and pressing the kiss in return onto your lips.

• you start to forget he’s much less your boss than your ex.

• “Never stopped. You never talked to me enough to find out.” he mumbles. “Didn’t ask how I felt.”

• you inhale sharply before asking, “And how did you feel?”

• “Ready to keep you for the rest of your life was probably about right during the time, yeah, keep you working for me till you die. But now I’m going to sign a transfer to San’s company for you.”

• you tear back, eyes wide in horror.

• but Yunho holds you still.

• “Listen. Listen first. Don’t make the same mistake again and let’s talk before you run, baby.”

• alright.

• you’re gonna pretend you didn’t jump over the moon at that one.

• “I’m signing you there because it’s closer to home.”

• “But I live in—“

• “My home?” his eyebrow cocks up, lips curving and palms cupping. “Our home where you’re going to move back to in a couple of days. And you won’t have to worry about not making rent anymore.”

• though your lips are frowning,

• your heart is smiling.

• “Yunho, I cant just pack my bags and live with you again..”

• “Yes you can.” His soft chuckle gives you endless amounts of uwu. “And I’m assigning you to San because I don’t want to be your stupid and useless boss anymore. Too toxic for us. Want us to last this time. Don’t fuck this up for me, y/n. Just say yes.”

• oh.

• OH.

• OHHHHH.

• “Is this your way of asking me to be your girlfriend again?”

• “How about we skip that step?”

• Yunho’s soft.

• always been soft.

• but he’s learned a little bit since you two broke up considering...

• the new glare in his eyes.

• maybe he’s spending way too much time with San, you think.

• “That’s not a proper proposal.”

• “Proposal?” Yunho snickers, nose curved to yours. “I was thinking more of the lines of demand rather than a request, baby. You know, I’m still your boss till tomorrow.”

• “And my fiancé apparently starting today.”

• you giggle against his loving kiss.

• “Cause boss and ex were so overrated.”

@atinybitofau

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 12, 2019 // the kidnapping

okay yall heres this! see you in two weeks! 🥳

-ik george called everyone to help but i get such a thrill from people asking nancy for help bc they know she can do it. (its a real contest sometimes between nancy over-inserting herself into peoples business bc she thinks she knows better vs her actually being the one to call)

-maybe an interesting facet to nancys tendency to lack emotion comes from mystery solving- being able to stay calm and objective when people like george are frantic and anxious. think rationally. search for clues. follow logical footsteps. this is where her predicting human behavior scientifically and not socially prevails. you might think youre behaving rationally but it takes a cold clocked brain to really do it (the 'wall' that carson mentioned)**

-owen is so cute lmfaoooo

-once again bess's particular attention to detail wins the day

-they totally stole this sharpie + back of menu thing from victoria

-wonder what gomber asked for from simon

-chief has absolutely zero hesitation to sharing things with nancy now lmfaoooo

-"just dont slow me down" all im picturing is nancys face when carson says how bout a father juxtaposed with s2 ryan and carson stalking her and pretending to hide in their car when they got caught

-"commentary rescinded" lmfaoooo we all judge him for the weekend sweater vests but he is undoubtedly the most capable character on this show for taking care of a kid

-"your memory is relentlessly specific" would honestly hate to be raising that kid lmfaoooo no winning arguments here. thats probably why carson is the way he is though, soft, small, open and unguarded - no reason to start arguments. perfect calm happy family

-okay lbh. was karen a dick for snooping in nancys room y/n?

-nancys face when carson offers advice on the phone call lmaoooo

-**so now wonder if that "calm" carson mentions as a survival mechanism is manufactured. that would be an intereting parallel to s2 premiere when nancy confesses to the wraith that shes afraid. then with nancys constant conflict of wheter to engage with mysteries or not when they are such a part of her is brought to scintillating focus if we consider this cold clocked calm during panic is actually based in something painful and tragic, and the real truth is that nancy is too afraid to even solve mysteries anymore (afraid of what tho? herself? hurting others? her own mystery-solving ability?)

-carson still has his supernatural nope hat on

-her frustration with her "memory in pieces" become so much more interesting considering it as a control mechanism- nancy is obsessively in control of what shes thinking and feeling and executes that control firmly in pretext of solving mysteries - she controls and solves them, they dont control her. like cancer was "the mystery she couldnt solve" and she just spiraled from there. like in the first ep she says "it was more than just a hobby, it was part of who i was" past tense. shes trying to reclaim parts of her identity that she thought were unshakeable, like mysteries and who her parents are, yet these parts of her identity that she still picks up and engages with turn out to be destructive both to herself and those around her. does her ability to draw the line differ? like the mysteries are a comfort/lacking stillness to avoid dealing with emptiness: did mysteries always hurt her parents/friends/others when she was younger, and she just never noticed because their lives werent permanently damaged like nancys picking apart these secrets did?

-"superstitions and rituals are all part of human behavior, its not proof of something inhuman" -discuss 🧐

-this ep and that hug made me ship george/nick

-love this bess/owen bonding time 💙

-love the contrast between nancy rejecting nicks help to george with "my trucks outside" (THE TRUCK omg foreshdowinggggg)

-damn casting did a good job finding a creepy bitch to play moira (shes sooooo weak tho lmfaooo)

-wonder if mcginnis can sense anything when gombers arm starts to bleed

-"TED!" "...yeah?" 😰😴🤦🏼‍♀️😂

-wonder what a relief nicks help is to george when even her own mother cant help her

-love this branch swinging bit for nancy. one hit for every memory taken! reminds me of our good ole tazer ep. and loving these physical outbursts from nancy.

-carson saying "i'm here" just like he did on the bluffs 😭

-UNPOPULAR OPINION: "just out of curiosity..." and gomber indulges her! what an interesting weirdcreep nancy/gomber (+simon as an extension) for a what if scenario. "i can still smell him on you" 👀...something about the children who were chosen first as little girls that come back as grown women (like an addiction/cant stay away/been marked/curiosity)

-owen holding bess's coat for her 🥺

-"we can enter our homes justified tonight" nancy would love that.

-irony: asking where kate will be in heaven bc lucy never made it to heaven/stuck as a ghost in purgatory (and why nancy always feels so lost bc she cant find kate bc kate's not hers)

-nancys old notebook is the same blue just like her blue car 💙😚

-mcginnis reaches out to nancy physically during/after carsons handcuffing by karen but just barely makes contact- so physical after meeting with mcginnis/him saying "work together" and seance/ceremony - now that opposing forces of mcginnis' law and nancys ability to get results have mixed and "been resolved" - emotional conflict nullified which allows for more genuine emotion/"paternal" instinct of older man-younger woman dynamic to come through (ironic since her actual parent is getting carted away)

and lastly

-"tell them you didnt kill her!" karens look at carson when he doesnt/cant say anything speaks volumes.

[ajokeformur-ray]

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend. 

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go. 

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~  *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a 

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face 

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E  V  E  R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the  P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe. 

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~ 

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~ 

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

 ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the  s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant  m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~ 

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what” 

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too... 

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~ 

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink... 

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER 

ASDFGHJKL

J

O

K

E

R

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~ 

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much. 

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will. 

b l o o d    s m i l e

=

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel. 

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

 t h a t ‘s    l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~ 

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~ 

i   l o v e    y o u

[mousehole5000]

tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” -  i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 17

and we’re back!

phew I had to take a hiatus to work on other projects but now that those are done I'm baaaack

god I'm SO fucking excited for this arc, I fucking love it 

OH NO TAILGATE...I almost forgot...this poor little dude

REMAIN IN LIGHT BABEYYYYY!!! I fucking love that title, talking heads is probably my favorite band Ever, and that album is one of my favorites, so when I first saw it here I was super excited lol. it’s such a good title, both for the album and for this arc

tailgate goes right to cyclonus ;_; hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

also...I just love the way milne draws cyclonus, he’s the perfect mix of terrifying and handsome, and also goth

ohhhhh I forgot about the framing device used here, with rodimus in jail later on in this arc, narrating retrospectively 

cybercrosis, add that to this list of amusing robo-puns, as a play on (I'm assuming) necrosis, aka tissue death

oof, ratchet saying that tailgate ‘lived a full life,’ which is fucking brutal because we as the readers know that isn't true :( 

tg is right tho, it seems v uncommon for tfs to die of old age. that's some shit luck right there, espec bc tg is basically a baby who was asleep for 6 million years 

ratchet talking abt pharma and looking at his hands...I See That

ratchets bedside manner leaves a bit to be desired hvbhjdsubfjsd jesus dude

and then there's cyclonus, whos also pretty terrible at being tactful

AUGHHHH and then cyclonus, like the emotionally repressed icon he is, goes and claws his own face up in grief rather than express any emotion to tailgate :( I'm in physical pain thanks

rodimus is like, wait...informing my crew about my actions? lmao? uhh what quest...oh yeah we’re on a quest. yeaaaah whatever man

the portal helllllll yessssssss

poor tg drinking away his impending death

oh man, chromedomes weird fucked up skeleton arm

rodimus hhvbhjaudsfbjaskdf he’s like yeahhhh I'm not even gonna pretend to indulge in democracy, we are GOING thru that giant ass space portal whether you fools like it or not

AND THERES THE MFING MOON BABEYYYY!

luna 1!!!!!! they found the missing moon BY ACCIDENT, fucking iconic 

still cant believe rodimus’s office is HOT PINK with a FLAME DECAL around the door. unreal

awww I love percy 

rodimus, in a shocking show of maturity, admits that rung was correct to be harsh with him about the whole overlord thing 

the squad gettin together ayyyy

rodimus reminding us all that this ISNT just a party ship full of frat boys, people have DIED

when you see tg and realize that that was cyclonus’s request ;_; 

aughhh and cyc saying ‘never hope. hope is a lie.’ that kills me man aughhhh

like, cyclonus clearly doesn't want to deal with the emotions he’s feeling over tg dying so he’s trying to make sure that tg accepts death and doesn't hope for a cure, bc that would hurt cyclonus MORE, and he’s already unused to all these ‘emotions’ n shit

I'm sorry but the MARBs just look so fuckin dorky bvhjakbdfhsf beep beep here comes the dweeb squad!!! lmaoooo

cd being like ‘can’t we just drive’ and perceptor is right there like :| LMAOOOO 

also I love cd saying ‘sometimes I wonder why we even have alt modes’ bc I feel like that's such a witty dig at the fact that in this series about robots that transform into cars, we rarely get to seem them actually DO that

its especially interesting when you consider how important functionism is in this story - alt modes are super important in that context, but we still rarely get to see them. hell, we literally NEVER saw megatrons alt mode, which is still crazy to me

ohhhh man I love that panel where the whole moon lights up, that's just amazing

congratulations, rodimus! it’s....a shitton of babies!

also broooo I ufcking love the fact that you barely even notice that rung ALSO hopped down onto the moon at the same time as rodimus...brilliant

god now I need to go find that ‘am i pragnent?’ video lmaooo

why....why did you have to use the word ‘fertilized,’ jro. why....

cold construction lore time!

do I wanna do my big biology speech here? I'm trying to figure out where it would go best...I think ill save it for later in this arc

god I fucking love brainstorm. his entire little speech about how he ‘went to marches’ for cold construction rights and whatnot is so funny with the added context that he’s an MTO and wasn't even around for that

skids, don't just sit in the spooky oil reservoir, alone, after you just went thru a mysterious portal, you should be more genre savvy than that 

what am I saying, this is the guy who wants his memories back even though he’s been told multiple times that it’ll probably traumatize him to death

brainstorm with the 0.1%er spark [eyes emoji]

I love percy just being horrified at the lack of proper scientific conduct from brainstorm like, all the time

I see the cons have their own edgy, weaponed-up version of the MARBs

MINIMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love him aughhh I'm so excited for the stuff w/him this arc

also I totally forgot that you’re supposed to see him introduce himself as ‘ambus’ and be like whoa wait is that dominus????? or someone adjacent to him????

skids vs legislators: part 2!

P H A R M A

DR THOT HIMSELF.....back and immediately making a hand pun, with his chainsaw arm displayed in full glory....amazing

cant believe jro named this one ‘the fecund moon,’ which forced me to google what ‘fecund’ means, which led me to go ‘oh good lord jro WHY’ lmao 

I do love that we don't see the ‘part 1 of 5′ til the end - that's a great small reveal that hey, we’re in an arc now!

so there's the end of issue one of remain in light! aughh, I'm so fucking excited for this arc. my first two readthrus this was one of my favorite arcs (my other fav being the time travel arc), and I'm excited to see if its still at the top for me 

I feel like the first time I read thru I like this arc a lot cause I actually understood most of it hbvhadjkfbaksjf unlike all the previous stuff, where I was a bit more confused - at this point I at least had a decent grasp on the characters and relationships, so that helped a lot

also apparently one of the songs of this issue is ‘heaven’ by talking heads which AUghhH that song makes me wanna float in the ocean and look at the stars. idk. also I find it a little ironic that that song isn't off the album remain in light lol

either way I love this issue, strong start to the arc with lots of intrigue and worldbuilding, and clearly some incoming status quo changes...cant wait!!

[kimnjss]

You know what, after calming myself down. I think what hurts the most is the part where she lied to mijoo, to her supposed bestfriend. Yes, it wasnt her fault that jimin likes her, it wasnt her fault that jimin doesnt like mijoo, and yes, has every right too. Mijoo own him nothing. But y/n....she's her bestfriend. And to know that your bestfriend has been lying to your back for months....i think that what hurts the most, more than the fact that your crush doesnt like you back. The ultimate betrayal....i (self-inserted here) could never imagine doing that to my bestfriend, and if my bestfriend did that to me, well a part of me will die forever.

And the fact that y/n knew what kind of childhood her bestfriend were going through, and yet she choose to still do all that for a man she only meet...i just cant believe she threw away those years of friendship just for a dick. Yoongi was right. She's that kind of girl...

Doesnt matter when y/n say she's in pain too for hurting mijoo. She still did. She chose to do it. She chose to hurt her bestfriend and hurting herself. She should've walked away from mijoo the moment she knew she wants to be with jimin. It harsh, but at least she doesnt need to keep pretending to be nice or pretending that she doesnt want to hurt her while she's very much aware that she's doing the contrary.

sooo yn lying to her didn’t come out of her wanting to hide it from her ., she literally was trying to protect her feelings like she has done for the entireity of their friendship . she was trying to figure out a proper way of telling her abt what was going on that would hurt her the less . yes ., she should’ve spoke up faster before things w jimin even escalated - buut w the way miju is ., there’s no telling how she would react or how she would try and spin things . miju is not !! innocent . she was a toxic friend that used yns emotions for her own benefit . 

really doesn’t even deserve the title ‘best friend’ bc let’s be real yn was the only one that took their friendship seriously . yn spent their whole entire friendship w her childhood in mind ., making excuses for her bc of the way she was brought up - but at some point enough is enough . if she kept piggybacking miju through life then she would never be happy bc miju didn’t put in nearly as much effort as she did .

and she didn’t choose to hurt her ., yn is not the type of person to just choose to hurt someone that she’s close w . she chose to be w jimin ., someone that she had real deep feelings for ., nd the fact that miju had a crush on him was something that she took heavily bc she knew that would effect her . which was why she kept it quiet until she knew how to tell her properly - but let’s not forget how when yn went to talk to her ., like a mature adult - miju ignored all her attempts bc she wanted to catch her in the act . 

so she can turn around and flip it on yn , not taking any responsibility for the fact that yn felt like she couldn’t tell her . miju was manipulative and toxic from the start ., she wasn’t a good friend to yn . like at all . 

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Don’t Praise the Almighty (Part 1)

Also on AO3

hold on to your hats everyone - this is part one. i was going to put them together, then i realised part two is 6000 words and thats just too long 

TW for: implied abuse of all kinds, straight-up physical and emotional child abuse, gaslighting, all might if he was a terrible person.

TL;DR: 

Things you must sacrifice to make a hero: Humanity, Empathy.

Things you must sacrifice to be a hero: Everything.

izuku wants to be a hero, imagine the first ep happens etc. yagi doesnt so much say "you can be a hero" as "ill make you a hero"

an aside: inko is an absent parent, to make ends meet and a poor way of coping with a missing Hisashi. Izuku grows up without any positive adults figures in his life.

yagi makes izuku train and train and train, the kid’s hands bleed and his legs ache but allmight makes him keep going. allmight says he's useless and pathetic and a crybaby and izuku believes him, because he's allmight

they spar and yagi just holds back enough to not let izuku get hurt too badly to train. even katsuki is disturbed bc quirkless deku is coming to school with black eyes and swollen wrists

when katsuki calls him pathetic izuku just nods

"ill get better though"

and katsuki feels so gross he doesnt try to fuck with izuku for weeks

and so izuku is so convinced this is normal because katsuki does it, and mum does it, and now allmight? thats just how you treat kids he thinks. or quirkless ones at least

hes still a big fan of allmight because he doesnt see whats wrong. hes just pathetic and useless but then he'll get a quirk and he'll be worth something for the first time in his life

he barely sleeps, barely eats, just trains and studies and trains some more. he collapses. all might stands there until izuku gets back up and makes him keep running

reasons all mights like this

he is 1, suffering from internalised quirk discrimination

2, nana's dead bc she wasn't "strong enough"

3, he thinks he can shape izuku into the perfect selfless hero, and better person than he ever was.

hes convinced this is for the greater good. hes a dick but hes so sure hes in the right here

by the time of the entrance exam izuku is,,, kinda fucked up

he passes with flying colours because he used his quirk for the first time, broke his arm, and immediately moved on to snaping finger after finger. the teachers watched on, horrified as this child mutilated himself to get points

all might smiled. because this is what he wanted.

he saves ochacco too

he gets in and allmight is pleased with him, even more pleased than the time izuku admitted he hadn't slept for 72 hours and still got a perfect score on his test

and izuku thinks this was all worth it to see his hero smile at him

izuku is in 1A

izuku actually listed that he feels less pain due to his quirk, which aizawa believes but hes still not sold on the idea of a hero that destroys themselves. he doesnt know if izuku heals better or faster, but he's sure that may broken bones cant be good

aizawa is convinced he's going to expel izuku during the quirk test. the look he sees on izuku’s face when he says he's expelling the lowest scorer makes his stomach churn

because all of the other kids look worried, nervous

izuku looks like hes going to throw up.

the kid is trembling and pale and aizawa watches as he turns to ochako, smiles brightly and says "let's do our best" while he holds back full body tremors the other kids don't see

he breaks toes and fingers and he cries but he doesn't flinch at the pain

the only time he flinches is when someone looks him in the eyes, if someone speaks too loud, and at the firecracker pops of katsuki's quirk

and aizawa feels sick

the ball toss, he just can't watch this kid break anymore, and he stops his quirk

for a second he freezes, because this kids quirk manages pain, he'll be feeling all of those broken bones, he'll obviously notice

right?

but izuku doesnt notice his missing quirk until he throws the ball. he turns around, looking sick. aizawa feels so lost when he looks at him with pure relief

"oh, you're eraserhead"

izuku tears up for the first time in that class.

"please give me back my quirk"

aizawa feels so lost he blinks, and his quirk drops with it. there is something totally wrong about the utter relief the kid feels having this horrifically damaging quirk back, and there is something bothering aizawa about it, but he doesn't know what

"dont use your quirk for the rest of this test, kid. not unless you can use it without breaking something"

izuku nods but aizawa knows the kid will just try to hide it. he takes him by the shoulder when the others have moved on

"i mean it, midoriya. no quirk, or i'll expell you on the spot"

and izuku just looks so lost

"but, i have to? i'm-"

"you didn't flinch when i took your quirk. you can feel every broken bone, can't you?"

izuku just nods, like walking with broken toes is normal, like throwing a ball with broken fingers is easy. aizawa knows it's not

he just sighs.

"no quirk. we'll work on training it after. you're ahead enough not to fail the course, go to recovery girl now. you aren't expelled"

izuku just looks hurt

aizawa shoos him away and almost misses the thin form of all might slink out from behind the wall to follow izuku

he's worried, and confused. But he can't just, abandon a field of kids

he texts hizashi bc that's just who he texts when he's panicking, and he asks him to look out for smallmight and izuku, somewhere on the way to the infirmary. so present mic turns on the first movie he finds on his computer (an english language copy of rocky) yells "ENGLISH PRACTISE TIME" and runs out the door

1C is so lost

anyway, present mic can be quiet when he tries and when he hears the sound of allmight sternly talking to a student that's crying? he tries real fucking hard

he basically catches

"you're supposed to be stronger than this, why did he make you stop?"

"he saw my bones breaking-i couldnt-"

"and so you flinched? didn't we train?"

"i didnt flinch! he made me stop!"

allmight backhands him

"dont waste it. either get better at hiding it or learn to use your quirk without breaking bones quickly or ill find another successor. one that isn't useless."

present mic hears izuku agree and cry and he feels ill. he sneaks back a little further, then loudly walks down the hall. allmight smiles at him, and he wants to punch the man

izuku smiles at him too, tears in his eyes but like he's happy to see another hero. present mic cant understand why izuku is pressed so close to a man that hurt him, like he's more afraid of present mic than allmight

he walks with them to recovery girl, chatting like he was meant to be there. hes so grateful allmight is new, because he totally has a class he's meant to be teaching right now and that would be so suspicious if he knew his schedule 

he walks them all the way to the door, and he lingers. there is a touch of steel in his eyes when he tells allmight to take care because what he really means is "take care of yourself because i will not"

and hes halfway down the corridor before he freezes

why did izuku seem so comfortable with a man he shouldn't know

anyway present mic is having a quiet breakdown for 20 seconds before he sprints back to his class, pretends he never left, and panic texts aizawa

so aizawa, with a little great context, knows that that, particular, conversation wasn't as,,, unsavoury,,, as it could,,, be implied,,,

but like,,,,,, he's really lost on why izuku would know small might and he's very worried

bakugo is fuCKinG PisSed

izuku left?? and he wasn't expelled???

Any,,, unsavoury implications arent something I'm going to talk ab in this au bc it doesn't need to be worse,,, but it's very much intentional

so aizawa is having an actual moral crisis rn bc hizashi isn't a liar and he doesn't want to like, not believe when he saw. but really? the symbol of peace is terrible??? and hizashi doesn't want to believe it either. both of them as so sure they are just missing context or something

bakugo stalks up to recovery girls office after class bc wtf deku?? and he walks in to just see izuku blankly picking at new white scars

he actually perks up when katsuki enters

and there is this man standing over izuku. this man he's seen with izuku before, yelling at him, but someone izuku seems happy to be around. it's not deku’s dad, he knows that. and the guy is too blonde and tall to have literally any relation to him.

a lot of the fire in katsuki goes out when he sees how tired izuku looks, and the question he was going to yell becomes more of a mumble

"so, you have a quirk now? just like that?"

he looks up and he sees that man's hand on izuku's shoulder, curled like a claw, so tight it must hurt. but izuku doesn't flinch or shy away, he smiles softly

"i'm really lucky, huh kacchan?"

and as much as izuku looks like he believes it, katsuki has the strongest feeling that this is the worst possible thing that could have happened to his once-friend

he just leaves

and he almost runs straight into his new teacher. they lock eyes and even though katsuki doesn't know whats going on, aizawa doesn't know whats going on, they both just know something is happening

and its not good

but what can they do

hes the symbol of peace

recovery girl is 100% in denial bc she new baby toshi and he's a dork but he's a good boy

izuku gets knocked tf out by recovery girls heal and toshi carries him out of the school grounds and shes like "how cute"

honestly they get to they gate, he wakes izuku up and reminds him to run home to get in the extra cardio, and izuku does. all the way home.. not only bc yagi wanted him to, but that's a big bit but bc if he was late hed wouldn’t get dinner

so the battle trial

so aizawa is like,,, : | ab everything

so he attends the battle trial rather than take the nap he really fucking wanted

the kids come out in their costumes and something sits poorly about the way izuku positively preens at almighty compliments. so basically it goes like the show, but allmight doesnt try to stop Bakugo. aizawa doesn't have audio, but he sees what the kids see and rips the mic out of allmights hand to tell bakugo to stop

he doesnt have to, though

because izuku has already vanished from sight

bakugo looks lost, aizawa is worried, but allmight just looks smug because a second later, izuku drops from the ceiling where he swung up, and punches bakugo in the back of the head

allmight grins and it looks nasty

izuku gives bakugo a once-over to make sure hes ok, wraps his wrists, then puts him in the recovery position and scampers out of the room to ochako

aizawa is lost, because that is c l e a r l y combat training. from the back of the room, todoroki starts watching in earnest

with ochako, he grabs the bomb. they walk out of the exercise and all might congratulates them on winning and izuku looks so happy! but allmight isn't done

"young midoriya, why didn't you use your quirk?"

the only people that notice the way he pales are todoroki and aizawa

"sorry sir, i didn't want to disappoint mr aizawa"

allmight nods, and he smiles but aizawa doesnt like it

"thats ok my boy, we'll have to see about getting you some out of class quirk training, huh?"

izuku smiles. hes happy, but he looks panicked

he looks guilty about being afraid

aizawa silently tells his agency he needs the week off to investigate something personal, and they readily give him the time off

izuku mumbles happily to himself about the exercise, stilling when all might looks gazes with him. he stops, flushes, and apologises. allmight nods.

he begins again, but hes not mumbling anymore, hes speaking clearly and concisely with the other students, even though he doesnt want to talk to them, he just wants to think. but allmight says to talk clearly to everyone or to remain silent and he just wants so badly to talk about the exercise

todoroki looks between izuku and allmight and he wonders

USJ time baby

allmight uses up his time, like before

the difference is, when the nomu comes for aizawa? izuku doesnt hesitate to jump in. thats what allmight wanted. he wanted someone so selfless that "would i give my life for them" isn't even a question that would cross their mind, they would just move

izuku stalls. he's shivering and shaking, walking on broken toes but he stands between aizawa and the nomu and he smiles

shigiraki looks at izuku and doesn't see a hero in training. he sees someone like him, like his league. someone who has be stepped on and ruined and reborn

and he wants him

when he sees something he likes, he wants it. like his sensei and his quirks. shigiaki collects people like action figures to use how he likes

anyway, he sees this little 'hero' and for all his stubbornness he knows he won't get izuku today

so he does what his sensei did to him all those years ago

he shows kindness. just enough to break him

he looks izuku in the eyes and says

"hero society is so rotten they break children into weapons to fight other broken pieces. whats fair about that?"

and izuku looks stunned. he drops his smile.

"from one broken piece to another, i wont shatter you today."

kurogiri moves izuku and aizawa just outside of the usj

they cant get in, aizawa has no quirk to break through the walls and izuku is shell shocked

he takes a second to look at aizawa like his world is falling down and aizawa understands.

and then

allmight appears

and aizawa hates himself for how relieved he feels

allmight looks at izuku and izuku smiles so wide. and then he frowns

"they want to kill you"

"they aren't the first, my boy."

and izuku pauses

"they seem pretty sure they can, sir."

and allmights smile looks meaner

"what, you really think so little of this old man?"

and izuku shakes his head violently

"not at all! no, im sorry-"

allmight looks at his student and suddenly there isnt a wall anymore, blasted into tiny shards by allmight’s punch. izuku scrambles inside after him

aizawa tells him to stay outside, to stay safe. but allmight levels a glare at him that almost hurts to meet. aizawa cringes and rushes after them, cradling broken arms

the fight ends much the same, but upon seeing izuku in the way on his hand, shigiraki closes his fist

allmight doesn't miss that

and, with that the other teachers arrive. and again, present mic and aizawa wonder why izuku knows allmight small form

oh also just as a weird powerplay thing, allmight calls izuku by his first name in private while izuku calls him sir everywhere

aizawa has the worst of the injuries, but years of sleep deprivation mean he can pretty easily resist the call of sleep after recovery girls quirk. not that anyone knows that. so he hears the edges of a conversation between hero and student

he hears sobs and a slap and apologies from both parties. he hears a louder conversation on training after class to better use izuku’s quirk and aizawa decides he's going to force himself into this 'training' because he doesnt like the optics on any of this

allmights angry that the villains were fond of izuku, bc that means izuku was doing something wrong, right? and he's also angry izuku barely used his quirk, but he does kinda understand needing to be able to walk still

anyway in the training we get the joy of a creepy scene of yagi assessing the physique of a barely dressed izuku

aizawa isn't there yet and boy howdy does he feel ill when yagi walks out of the changing rooms a few minutes before izuku does

anyway so it doesn't take long for yagi and aizawa to get izuku using his quirk w/o achy breaky bones and izuku is proud, and so is aizawa

but yagi just kinda pipes in with "about time" and izukus face crumples

aizawa just says "better late than never" and izuku gives a watery smile

yagi scares enji but he just royally pisses off todoroki

bc todoroki just looks at the guy

"big strong me, what you gonna do, punch me? yeah right bastard and i'll go screaming to the press. I dont give a fuck what you think you dick of an old man!"

please izuku is totally convinced that this is just normal training, that yagi is doing his best and a teacher, is doing right by him. and shouto is just,,, he doesnt know the whole story. just knows that all might scares izuku and that all mights secretary has a connection to him

but he knows that yagi was creepy enough to make his old man have bad vibes and thats an achievement

Enji sat, reigning back a snarl as the green boy threw Shouto -his Shouto- from the ring, to land on his back in a graceless cloud of dust. Beside him, All Might’s secretary grinned. It wasn’t a nice grin, like the hero, but a nasty crawling one that made Enji feel cold even with his flames dancing around his face.

Enji had never liked the man, his instincts telling him there was something horrifically off about him. But the number one hero had resources he couldn’t dream of, so he kept his lips shut.

“Well done, my boy.”

There was no familial resemblance between the skeletal man beside him, and the boy who stood both victorious and broken where his son should have been. No resemblance to the hulking oaf of a hero either. But their quirks were markedly similar, as were their smiles, if the boy’s was a little kinder.

The man turned to him, all polite smiles and condolences for his son’s loss.

The smug aura around him so strong that Enji allowed himself, for just a second, to pity the boy in green.

Its just tenya and todoroki who know

and quickly bakugo too, bc he was there for shoutos tragic backstory reveal, which included izukus too

and like,,, mic and aizawa are in denial bc jesus christ its the number one hero and hes normally so nice

izuku v katsuki babey!

basically izuku starts to panic and bakugo stops the fight and grabs his hand

"pull yourself together deku. forget everyone else, this is just a fight between me and you, go it?"

and izuku gives a shakey smile, and nods. bakugo releases his hand

"lets start this again, huh izuku"

"sure thing kacc-. Katsuki"

and then fiGHT and its great and its a tie bc they are both so fucking exhausted. izuku and bakguo have to get hauled to their feet by midnight, but both of them are grinning

izuku has trouble w his hero name, like, a l o t bc everything he comes up with yagi says no

but yagi wont give him any ideas eventually izuku just ends up with his hero name being "nine" bc yagi liked that one

katsuki can just,,, tell izuku doesn't like it (bc it reduces him as a hero down to his quirk)

(he wants the name jackrabbit)

he has no supports in his costume bc "it makes you look weak" and no support gear either

ok so , his bones are less fucked than canon zuku but hes willing to break them fucking constantly

aizawa actually comes up to him before the sports festival and says "you break your bones, you get disqualified. no excuses"

yagi is p i s s e d but just nods politely to aizawa tells izuku hed better do as aizawa says, as stupid as a request it may be

also izuku really,, wants to paint his nails dumb glittery colours like ochako and mina do so they paint his nails for him! and then at lunch yagi scrubs the polish off with a dish scrubber

to make it worse, mina is sad izuku took it off, but she just

pauses

when she sees his fingers are almost bleeding

"midoriya, what happened?"

"oh haha funny thing, one of our teachers said i might get a uniform violation so i got a little enthusastic with scrubbing it off, sorry!"

aizawa just winces

one of the finals nails in the coffin is todoroki asking if "the tall thin blonde guy" is izukus dad

aizawa says no

todoroki says "good"

s t a i n a r c

so izuku finds iida and steps between iida and stain, starts fighting him, todoroki shows up, stain starts rambling about how allmight is the best hero and todoroki gives him a strange look

"i used to agree. but seeing allmight at school, i dont think hes the icon of morality everyone says"

izuku is spluttering, denying it, stain is just watching them. so stain isnt even fighting them, hes interested. bc this selfless kid is the one shigiraki wants

iida is lost too and he gets this,,, look in his eyes like he's starting to connect some dots

anyway, fight proceeds, they win the nomu tries to carry izuku off, stain stops the nomu and saves izuku and vaguely he realizes the way izuku just, sits in his arms, like he doesnt know how to react to being touched, and he pushes it aside

and he holds izuku close because all he knows is that this boy is kind and good and the world has hurt him and he says that this boy he is holding is the only hero hes ever worth met their salt

oh but after the hero killer thing, yagi storms into the office and hauls izuku out by his injured arm

and tenya and shouto just feel sick

"should, should we tell all might? about how his secretary treats midoriya?"

shouto just glares at the half-open door, quiet apologies drifting down the hall until they turn another corner

"i'm quite sure that man already knows."

[midnight-circus]

another bullshit meme

from sidebloggable

answered for logan and lucius bc i dont talk about my big dumb idiot enough

and im actually gonna answer for their original Fable timeline bc ive been feelin nostalgic recently

Their physical weak spots

Logan - depends on his age and/or stress-levels. He has a fair amount of upper body strength from swinging twin swords around all the fucking time, but it wouldn’t be ridiculously hard to overpower him if you could disarm and get hold of him - however, he’s fast, agile and extremely skilled, and it’s getting hold of him in the first place that’s the issue. In the middle of his reign, on the other hand, his body condition takes a dramatic dive - he’s pretty severely underweight and loses a lot of his muscle tone, and it really wouldn’t take much at all to best him. 

Lucius - Lucius is a big, heavy mercenary who fights with a broadsword, so it’s hard to get the best of him in a one-to-one melee fight. However, he’s missing his left eye and is deaf in his left ear - subsequently if you use a little bit of stealth and come at him hard and fast from the left, you’ve got a pretty good chance of getting the jump on him. He’s also into middle-age and despite having decent reactions, a younger man of the same build as him might just pip him to the post.

Their emotional/moral weak spots

Logan - oh god lmao. Logan’s a mess, but his primary emotional weak spot is his siblings - be they his original two (hey queenie and dorian) or Morgan. I think he feels a bond that’s closer to paternal than fraternal, and I think the only way he can really justify to himself the pain he puts them through is telling himself he’s doing it for them. ok honestly, he will do fucking anything for them. at the climax of the revolution, the primary thought running through his head is how fucking proud he is. be nice if he said it out loud every once a while - hell, itd be nice if he’d just asked for some fuckin help before causing the literal death of hundreds of people - but yknow. thats just going one step too far i guess

Lucius - he’s a bleeding heart. when Morgan and his little band of rebels rock up in the Dweller village, Lucius is already there running supplies up and down the mountain to them; he watches way too many kids starve to death, and joins up with the rebels in order to lead them through Mourningwood. then he gets a crush on morgan’s little bitch face and just like. never leaves lmao. He’s easily blinded by injustice and gets worked up really quickly when he sees wrong being done - it can lead him to act recklessly or thoughtlessly at times.

Scars or painful spots

Logan - asides from the obvious scars across his lips (fencing wounds when he was a boy), he took some nasty damage from the Crawler during the three days he was trapped in the Auroran cave - he’s got a network of scars on his back that look a little like lashmarks. they hurt when they’re touched and he Does Not talk about them. he’s also got a few other scars here and there on his arms and chest from miscellaneous scraps and scuffles, and he has a deep puncture scar on his abdomen from an assassination attempt, but the less said about those the better.

Lucius - lmao Lucius is literally missing half his face to scar-tissue. he was attacked by a dog as a boy and it left him heavily messed-up. he’s also a merc, as i said, so he’s got a lot of miscellaneous old wounds but nothing quite as obvious as the ones his face. 

Best places to kiss on their body

Logan - oh, the neck, bitch. he’s also kind of a slut for being kissed on the insides of his wrists; anywhere vulnerable, basically. if you could kill him there, kiss him there. freak-ass bitch.

Lucius - dude just likes a nice traditional french kiss man nothing crazy. but also definitely give him a blowjob. i know this question said kissing but lets be real thats kind of a kiss.

Guilty pleasures

Logan - he reads really terrible novels. like…really terrible. he pretends he’s reading something highbrow and intellectual but its actually a shitty romance recovered with something suitably acceptable and nobody can know

Lucius - he doesnt have any ‘guilty’ pleasures tbh, he just enjoys stuff unashamedly. he’s too thick to feel guilty

Their vices (physical or emotional)

Logan - lets be real, he’s probably done, like. an impressive amount of coke. i guess the terrible sleeping and eating habits are probably also a vice but like. it’s mainly the coke

Lucius - he smokes like a fuckin chimney

Their tickle spots

Logan - not only does he not have any, but you would also die for trying. Elrick disagrees.

Lucius - his ribs, but he is uncontrollably violent when he’s tickled so its a real good way to get a broken nose. he doesn’t mean to do it, he just spasms. 

Bad memories/experiences

Logan - lmao. I’ll skip the most obvious (the 3-Day Auroran Extravaganza) because i think that goes without saying - it left him with crippling PTSD and damaged his mind heavily and insidiously. he was already pretty traumatised by his childhood and i think being forced into so many responsibilities so young also messed him up a little. it’s more like….rather one one or two specific experiences, its more just a general feeling of Bad that has stuck with him throughout his life. It was worsened by his later experiences, and essentially primed him for failure.

Lucius - yknow i was thinking about how to word the answer to this question and i realised that i accidentally made Lucius into Batman. His family farm was attacked and burnt to the ground by bandits when he was about 12; his parents and siblings were killed, and he only escaped by hiding in the coal-cellar. Later, he joined up with the mercenaries to try and track down the group that targeted them. fuck hes batman. i didnt mean to batman

Humiliating memories

Logan - oh man his father was a pro at humiliation. mistakes or oversights werent just punished, they were fuckin learned from, and he figured the best way to do this was humiliation - generally through public displays of What You Did Wrong and repeated recitations of the mistake in front of the people whose opinions Logan valued. It was kind of the catalyst for his inferiority complex and intense desire to succeed without input from others. 

Lucius - again, Lucius doesn’t really experience embarrassment - he’s kind of too laid-back for it. yes, it was embarrassing the one time he fell over carrying two milk buckets and threw them all over himself in front of the handsome boy from the next farm over and the guy started laughing at him but like. you live and learn and the dude turned out to have a really ugly laugh anyway so who cares

Fears/phobias

Logan - he’s always had claustrophobia, but after the Auroran Experience this intensifies to a whole new level, and he also develops crippling nyctophobia. part of this is due to his hallucinatory psychosis - he sees things pretty much constantly, but it worsens in low lighting - but it’s also due to the fact that there may very well be actual Things in the dark and he struggles to tell reality from hallucination

Lucius - dogs. fuckin dogs. he hates dogs theyre literally so scary even the small ones bc the small ones move so quick and you never know when theyre gonna come at you

Bad or petty habits

Logan - oh, he’s just a petty bitch. he’s also outwardly arrogant, even if his internal feelings don’t match up to that. drily sarcastic, too, tho a person only really sees that when they get past the walls he throws up - Elrick is very familiar with it. 

Lucius - he’s constantly standing to the right-hand side of people and then he wonders why he cant hear them properly

Grudges and vendettas

Logan - he’d hold a grudge against his father if he wasnt dead. he also holds a pretty heavy grudge against Theresa for not just fucking telling him.

Lucius - at first, only against the bandits that killed his family, but once he deals with them hes kind of at a loss as to where to go next. fortunately Logan starts starving people shortly afterwards, so if nothing else it gives him a kickstart into the rest of his life. Subsequently, Lucius will hold a vendetta against Logan for the rest of his life, even after he has been in a relationship with Morgan for years - he will never forgive him for the shit he put the common people through, and he doesnt really give a shit about the ~pressures~ Logan was under at the time. fuckin excuses, man. 

Ingrained habits/forces of habit

Logan - his terrible sleeping/eating patterns. even before trauma and night-terrors made it almost impossible for him to sleep peacefully, he didn’t get more than 5 or 6 hours a night, if that.

Lucius - if something is smaller than him, he’ll protect it. he’ll also protect things bigger than him, if given half the chance. hes basically a golden retriever in human form, which is ironic considering his feelings about dogs.

What it takes to make them cry

Logan - would rather die than cry, quite literally.

Lucius - his heart is softer than butter, he’ll cry at anything. he’ll cry at an injured pigeon on the street. 

Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’

Logan - never, ever, ever talks about what happened in Aurora. The details die with him.

Lucius - he doesn’t really have any - he’s not ashamed of much in his life, and he’s never done anything terrible enough to render it a skeleton. 

People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them

Logan - L M A O. yes, it affected him terribly, but tbqh however much its affected him kind of plays second fiddle to how much his actions affected other people.

Lucius - has killed a lot of people who deserved it during his mercenary years, and justifies it to himself by being absolutely certain that they did deserve it. sometimes he doubts this, though, and that doubt plays a big part in his eventually getting out of the game entirely

People who’ve influenced them greatly

Logan - Walter, tho he’ll never admit it in a million years and he still definitely kneecapped him right at the start of the game so idk what that says about him

Lucius - Morgan. it’s real gay, i know, but there it is.

[dogstarblues]

so for my current project im writing a chapbook on the intersections of lesbianism and disability and theres so much there and im so new at identifying as a lesbian (i identified as gay[womasexual if you wanna be mogai abt it] before) and im worried that my experiences being lesbian adjacent for the past 3 years are not enough and that my possible asexuality is interfering with my understanding of myself but the possible asexuality is probably because of my fibromyalgia bc through my experiences with dating i came to only trust one woman to treat my body right but now i cannot even be fingered because of vaginismus derived of fibromyalgia so that narrows things down and i cant do anal play bc ibs has me hurting and my jaw gets tired from too much movement and my hands cramp up and my wrists hurt from repetitive motion so its like???? like i cant even enjoy lesbian sex and since i dont trust people im not physically attracted to anyone i dont think like i look at someone and my thought process is whether i want to share who i am and my time with that person rather than what i used to do which is use sex as a way to be close to people. so like asexuality? ???? like im not gonna stop hurting. so like is this permanent? sex being a nonfactor because of pain? the pain doesnt go away without morphine but like taking morphine just to have sex??? 🤨 😐 when the most sex i can do is probably making out and holding hands? do i even wanna bother?

like not to be all "is my asexuality valid" but is it real? this lack of physical/sexual attraction to anyone? this lack of sex drive at all? how permanent is this? like i feel like i should want sex, no? i was hypersexual before. i had a phase where i was fucking 5 times a day. but now im just....

so anyway, all this to say im insecure abt my expression of lesbianism (because queer sex is really important like people like to pretend it isnt but it fucking is) and im trying to shape my conceptualization of it in my manuscript through emotional suppositions and future scenarios. but i worry. i worry that its not cohesive. i worry that my experiences arent enough to write about. more insecurity. i just have to read more abt it probably. and also what abt gender? should my gender factor in? i wrote a whole book of poems on my gender but. maybe i should factor it in. the intersection of gender and lesbianism and asexuality and fibromyalgia derived of trauma. maybe that should be my penultimate poem.

my concerns with cohesion def stem from previous projects being tightly conceptual like my chapbook manuscript abt my anorexia and my book length manuscript abt my transness being inseparable from my blackness (still connecting to my indigeneity any way i can so i feel like i cant speak on it yet) like thats over 50 poems concentrated on one single subject. and this is a manuscript with different poetic forms. so like i feel like the lack of cohesion is partially because i do blank verse and various forms like is the subject good enough to hold it all together? will it flow? am i even good at poetry?

😑😑😑😑😑

[lizziebennet]

Hi Aurora okay first tysm for your blog It's so lovely to have another person so passionate about my fave things (i.e hp and period dramas) Anyway, i recently read the HP series (again) and found myself feeling SO MUCH. I genuinely teared up at so many different touching parts and I was just wondering what are your favorite most heart-wrenching/emotional parts from the books? I realize this is a lengthy quesition so feel free to never answer this or take a year.

ye S SS i love being passionate ab things and sharing that passion w my followers!!!!! i love yall esp when u ask me questions like this where i get to talk ab my fave things everrrrrrrrr (ps thank u so much for letting me take forever to answer this ur so cute to say that ilysm)

ok so literally i will cry my way thru the entire series when i reread bc harry potter has so much emotional weight for me and so many memories that go along with it. but i decided to limit myself to just 10 bc otherwise id be sitting here typing all day. so w/o further ado: 

AURORA’S TOP 10 MOST TEARFUL HARRY POTTER MOMENTS: 

((in no particular order)) 

HARRY READS LILY’S LETTER IN DH: listen harry doesnt actually spend a lot of the books angsting over the fact that he doesnt have parents but in moments like this u remember he IS AN ORPHAN AND IT GETS ME SO HARD. fuk like just picturing harry crouched on the floor of sirius’s bedroom reading that letter… rereading it… crying… wow.gif!!!!! the line that makes me cry eveRY TIME is “She had made her g’s the same way he did : he searched through the letter for every one of them, and each felt like a friendly little wave glimpsed from behind a veil.“ LIKE RIP RIP RIP ABORT ABORT ABORT ITS TOO SAD!!!!!

THE LOST PROPHECY IN OOTP: JESSESCREAMING.JPEG!!!!!!!!!!!! listen ,,, i talk ab this chapter so much on my blog. it is my #1 favorite moment in my #1 favorite harry potter book which is my #1 favorite series of all time. SO ITS A PRETTY BIG DEAL. harry’s reaction to sirius’s death… his anger at dumbledore… his grief… his discovery of his fate… its beautiful writing and its so painful but so amazing to read. LIKE!!!!! MY BABY!!! HE’S LOST SO MANY PEOPLE!!!!!!!! MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD!!!!!!!!!! “I DON’T CARE!“ Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH, I’VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!” “You do care,” said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.”” LIKE LITERALLY WHEN I GET TO THIS POINT I HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS!!!!!!!!!!!! also fun story: one time i was listening to ootp on audiobook while on vacation and we were in the car waiting to taxi on to a ferry boat and we were listening to this chapter when the ferry guy came by to take our tickets and i had like TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE and jim dale is yelling as harry in the background…. the guy was like ‘is this bitch ok??’ lmaOOOOo 

HARRY AND THE MIRROR OF ERISED IN SS:  this is another one of those moments where you remember that harry is an orphan and its /so/ painful. thinking about this teeny 11 year old baby harry sneaking out every night just to sit in front of this mirror so he can see his parents………my darling baby sweetheart i love him So Much. it just makes me so sad like hes /so young/ AND HE JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!! it also gives way to one of my all time favorite hp quotes: “It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” 

HARRY STOPS SIRIUS AND LUPIN FROM KILLING PETER IN POA: me reading this part is literally ISAYTHATSMYBABYANDIMREALLYPROUD.GIF!!!!!! like!! my boy!! he finds out this man literally caused the death of his parents and he MAKES THE GROWN ASS ADULTS SPARE HIS LIFE… LIKE… he literally acts twice his age and is so mature and is just…….so amazing. it shows such strength and wisdom and it makes me SO PROUD. the way he references james also makes me cry because you see the relationship harry has with james even though he’s literally never met him and its so beautiful. i love harry so much. 

HARRY AFTER SECTUMSEMPER-ING MALFOY IN HBP: this is literally the opposite of that last one where im so proud of harry this is def… not one of his best moments lol. he rly rly fucks up and his guilt is so raw and it makes me so emotional because i feel SO bad for him. its def an important harry moment in the books because it shows his flaws and the consequences of his rage, but it also shows how GOOD he is because he feels so bad about what happens and like willingly takes his punishment even though it means that he cant play in the quidditch match. he really like… atones and even tho its rough to read i def love that its a part of the series bc its a really like watershed moment for harry and i think it really reminds him of the wizard he wants to be. this part also leads to i think a more satisfying harry/ginny first kiss bc ginny defends harry and then him not going to the game leads to “several sunlit days” AKA ONE OF MY FAVE HP MOMENTS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

HARRY AND HERMIONE VISIT JAMES AND LILY’S GRAVE IN DH: “But they were not living, thought Harry: They were gone. The empty words could not disguise the fact that his parents’ moldering remains lay beneath snow and stone, indifferent, unknowing.And tears came before he could stop them, boiling hot then instantly freezing on his face, and what was the point in wiping them off or pretending? He let them fall, his lips pressed hard together, looking down at the thick snow hiding from his eyes the place where the last of Lily and James lay, bones now, surely, or dust, not knowing or caring that their living son stood so near, his heart still beating, alive because of their sacrifice and close to wishing, at this moment, that he was sleeping under the snow with them.”  THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS THAT I HAVE TO STOP READING BC IM CRYING SO MUCH I CANT MAKE OUT THE WORDS ANYMORE. I CRIED TYPING THIS. IM SO SAD. 

THE FOREST AGAIN IN DH: hoo boy. hoooooo boy this is a Big One. this one is really…. wow. just. wow. [deep breath]. there is So Much in this chapter that makes me cry where do i even START. harry realizing that he has to die and ACCEPTING IT BRAVELY LIKE THE HERO HE IS. “Why had he never appreciate what a miracle he was,  brain and nerve and bounding heart?” im crying….. hes so good. HARRY NEARLY STOPPING WHEN HE SEES GINNY and ginny’s crying and comforting some girl and im crying too. JAMES. SIRIUS. LILY. REMUS. WHEN HARRY ASKS IF IT HURTS TO DIE LIKE LITEARLLY I HAVE TO PUT THE BOOK DOWN AND GET UP  AND WLAK AROUND THE ROOM BECAUSE I GET SO EMOTIONAL LIKE. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! when harry sees harry and screams at him ……………… rip in pieces me!!!!!!!! ALSO ONE OF HIS LAST THOUGHTS BEFORE THE AVADA KEDAVRA IS OF GINNY AND KISSING HER……….. [GUNSHOTS] [SCREAMING]

BELLATRIX TORTURES HERMIONE IN DH: fuk this scene is no joke scary like it took harry potter to another level of real darkness. hermione being tortured was so chilling like beautiufl amazing smart snarky hermione it was so painful to read like my heart rate goes up when i read it bc im worried for my girl :/ and ron is sHAKING and like screaming and literally throwing himself at the walls to try to get to her and its SO upsetting like. they are still CHILDREN like theyre all so young and they dont deserve this like. hearing her plead and stuff … its just…. too much. these are my CHILDREN i have to PROTECT them. 

HARRY DIGS DOBBYS GRAVE IN DH: this is another one of those harry moments where i just want to give him a huge hug. like he insists on digging dobby’s grave by hand which is just ..... [gets choked up] its fine. and his thoughts while he dig make me so sad. he so /tired/. hes so frustrated with dumbledore and he the hallows and the horcruxes and he feels responsible for what happened. and ron coming out and helping him dig silently makes me so happy and its one of those times u really see how much rons friendship means to harry. and harry comes out of this like ... older and more mature? his wisdom and knowledge is rly apparent when he talks with griphook and olivander right after this like. he knows what hes going to do. hes made his choice. hes not going to race voldemort for the wand. i love him so much for that choice. hes such a grown man in this part like accepting responsibility, taking care of hermione and everyone like getting things in order. i love him. 

MRS WEALSEY HUGS HARRY IN THE HOSPITAL WING IN GOF: “’It wasn’t your fault, Harry,’ Mrs. Weasley whispered. ‘I told him to take the cup with me,’ said Harry. Now the burning feeling was in his throat too. He wished Ron would look away. Mrs. Weasley set the potion down on the bedside cabinet, bent down, and put her arms around Harry. He had no memory of ever being hugged like this, as though by a mother. The full weight of everything he had seen that night seemed to fall in upon him as Mrs. Weasley held him to her. His mothers face, his father’s voice, the sight of Cedric, dead on the ground all started spinning in his head until he could hardly bear it, until he was screwing up his face against the howl of misery fighting to get out of him.” HARRY POTTER DESERVES MORE HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he feels so guilty about cedric and god bless mrs weasley for telling him it wasnt his fault because it WASNT!!! he did so amazing in the graveyard like.. .he saw voldemort return and he fought him and he survived and he saw his paretns and hE TOOK CEDRICS BODY BACK SO IT COULD BE WITH HIS FAMILY!!!!!!!! HE TOOK IT BACK FOR THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  i would die a thousand deaths if it meant that harry didnt have to experience this pain!!!!

whew so there we go!!!!! the bottom line is obviously that i love the harry potter series more than anything and specifically i love the boy harry potter so so SO much and his suffering is agonizing to read and he didnt deserve any of it!!! i can litearlly think of SO many more heartbreaking moments in the series but here are just a handful. happy birthday to harry!!!