#it just gets on the nerves of me -> person who needs systems to have internal logical consistency

[runariya]

Beyond Probability JJK (m.)

summary: Matching with an idol? Unlikely. But with a 99% compatibility? Beyond probability. pairing: idol!Jungkook x f!reader genre: idolvers, S2L, fluff, smut rating: 18+, MDNI! warnings: fluff, fluff, a bit of self doubt, fluff, fluff, explicit sexual content, shower sex, unprotected sex, pls lmk if I forgot smth word count: ~ 4k

a/n: It’s a rly cute and short oneshot, light and mainly fluff, nothing too deep, no big words etc this time. Just had to get it out of my system since the idea’s been on my mind for months now (unedited bc I fell ill halfway through writing it 🤒)

a/n 2: This work is purely fictional. All characters and events are entirely imaginary and do not reflect reality. No translations are allowed without permission. Thank you for understanding! 💕

Your biological clock’s ticking—has been for some years now—and even though you’re only now nearing 30, you’re painfully aware that the life you pictured as a kid might never come true.

It’s not like you’re unstable in who you are or what you’re doing. You’re fairly successful at your job, you’ve got your own place, and you’re more social than most people these days. Still, you’re only what most would call average-looking, and even though you’ve got a good career, you’re too soft to keep it up forever. You picture yourself more as a loving wife and mother than a corporate boss bitch climbing the ladder of success.

That’s also why your dating life has been rocky all along. Men see what you put out there, but they don’t like who you really are or what you want from life, which has left you single for most of it.

So, when a new project starts—after the K-pop industry finally acknowledges that idols need partnerships and a life of their own, and fans finally understand that these people are human too, that they deserve to experience love and happiness like everyone else—you decide to take your chances too.

Funnily enough, all the labels have teamed up, hiring not only the best scientists and psychologists from Korea but from around the world to create a program that can find ideal matches for their idols. Sure, science shouldn’t determine who you fall in love with, but… what if it could?

After being pre-selected—just to confirm you’re not some crazed fan—you’ve spent over two weeks going through tests. Recorded interviews, personality assessments, even physical evaluations… now you’re staring at your company’s computer screen, listening to Dr. Song explain the results through the phone. 

“Ninety-nine percent?”

“Yes. The chances of such a high compatibility score are next to impossible. We see it as a perfect match and would like to introduce you to your match.”

“Sure, of course.” Even though your voice is steady, you can feel your nerves flaring up like never before.

“Is tomorrow at 8 p.m. alright for you?”

“Yes, that works for me.”

“Perfect, we’ll see you then.”

Well, joke’s on you, you didn’t expect this outcome. 

Meeting an idol feels surreal, and the closer you get to 8 p.m. the next day, the more you can feel the anxiety and doubts inside you rising. Every last detail in Dr. Song’s calm, clinical rundown replays in your mind, the ninety-nine percent match, the endless rounds of testing, the surreal realisation that, somehow, all those numbers and algorithms miraculously spat out a name next to yours. 

You want to trust that there’s a reason for this, that somehow science isn’t just working with chance, but the tension of actually meeting someone this special is so overwhelming you barely notice yourself entering the lab building until you’re standing outside Dr. Song’s office.

“Right on time,” she chirps, giving you an approving nod. She seems to sense your nerves, and as she leads you down a hallway you’ve never been before, she gives you a reassuring smile. “I know this is all a lot. But he’s likely feeling the same way. The tests told us that he’s, well, quite like you.”

Her words would make you laugh in any other situation, though disbelief and a strange kind of comfort floods through you still. Like you. An idol, standing here in a lab somewhere to meet some random stranger, feeling just as out of place as you. You’re not sure of that but still like to think it must be true. 

You don’t have time to process it fully before you’re led into a quiet room with yellowish walls so plain they almost blur in the corners of your vision, a low, comfortable couch and a couple of chairs standing there and none of the lab equipment that surrounded you in the testing rooms all those weeks ago. 

And then you spot him, sitting on the couch, alone. He stands the second you walk in, hands half in his pockets, a slight, almost unsure smile grazing his lips as he glances down at you. He’s got that casual look about him, the same dark eyes you’ve seen a hundred times on a screen that somehow feel warmer and more human here. 

He looks not quite better than he does on screen, but not worse either. Somehow, he’s realer, if that’s a word—close enough that you can see the little flecks of colour in his irises, the slight tension in his posture, the faintest trace of nerves hiding under his composure.

“Hi.” Jungkook’s voice is lower, softer than you expect from an idol. “Nice to meet you, I’m Jungkook.”

“Nice to meet you too. I’m ___.” There’s a pause, and you can tell he’s just as unsure what to do with the space between you two as you are. The click of the door makes you turn around briefly, only to realise Dr. Song has left you both alone. “This is, um, weird, right?”

He nods, a quick, breathy laugh breaking through. “Very. I mean, this isn’t exactly a ‘normal’ kind of meeting, right?”

His words are awkward but disarming, and suddenly, you’re aware of all the tiny, meticulous details of him that somehow make him feel more relatable than his polished, on-screen persona. The way his hand keeps moving to rub against his thigh or abs, his tongue playing with his lips and piercing ever so slightly—everything about him is familiar but also somehow close enough to feel completely new.

“I don’t think I was ready for this,” you admit. You aren’t really talking to him but more like letting your own thoughts slip out in the safest way possible, like saying it makes it feel less absurd.

“Honestly, same.” He laughs, and you think there’s a light flutter in your chest now. “I kept thinking about this whole ninety-nine percent thing. Like… how does that even work? Isn’t it supposed to feel, I don’t know, obvious? Like you know the moment you see someone?”

You nod, understanding exactly what he means, and somehow you move on autopilot, walking towards him and sitting down on that couch with him beside you. It feels like you should both somehow know, like there’s a sign or an instant connection, something that would make all of this feel simple, easy. But it’s just the two of you in a quiet room, barely knowing each other, held together by nothing but a number on a report.

“Yeah, that’s so wild. I didn’t think I’d have a match, this close to a hundred even less. Might be a glitch if our score is this high.”

Jungkook nods with sparkling eyes, seemingly relieved by your honesty and humour. “Yeah, I get that. I kept thinking about it too. Wondering if maybe the tests were wrong, or maybe I was just…thinking too much.” He lets out a sigh, his gaze meeting yours for a long, meaningful second. “But I think maybe this is about finding out, right? Not having it all make sense right away.”

“Hm, makes sense.” You giggle, because what else can you do in the presence of him.

The two of you sit there in a momentary silence, as if testing each other, feeling out the small boundaries that keep you both distant.

“So, what did the report tell you about me?” You ask the question half-jokingly, trying to break the quiet, but also curious. You want to know what he knows, how much of this supposed ninety-nine percent compatibility is actually something that either of you feel. 

He lets out a silent breath, looking down as if slightly embarrassed. “Honestly, not as much as you’d think. They told me you were kind of… soft-spoken but resilient? And that you have a job that’s, uh, stable and…” He trails off, the tips of his ears slightly pink, like he’s embarrassed to keep going.

“And?” You can’t help but push further—not maliciously, just way too curious and playful for your own good. Jungkook’s expression shifts from embarrassed to surprised, and then to a look that’s just as playful.

“And that we’re, apparently, very much sexually compatible.”

Really, you should be the one feeling embarrassed or shy now, but you can’t help the laugh that slips out. You know exactly what he’s hinting at—your report clearly showed the same.

“Well, it might be not wrong. And they told me…” You pause, realising that you barely remember the details in the face of the reality in front of you but alas. “They said you’d be a good match because, I think, there was something about humour?”

He chuckles, shaking his head. “Humour? Never heard of it.” And it makes you laugh all over again. “I feel like they just told us things we’d want to hear, to make it seem easier and normal.”

His words hit close to home, but they’re strangely comforting in the way he says them. You reckon, he’s just as bewildered by this as you are, maybe even more so. And somehow, in the middle of all the awkwardness, you find yourself genuinely smiling at him, naturally gravitating towards him, finding that there’s a softness and reassurance in his gaze, a gentleness that cuts through your nerves like a knife through melted butter in the sun. 

You start talking more freely after that, exchanging stories that are too mundane to make sense in any real context but feel right here. You tell him about your last trip to the beach, how you got sunburned and spent the whole evening sitting on your balcony, nursing it with iced water and aloe, wishing for a helping hand that you didn’t have. He laughs, nodding along as if he can picture it exactly and tells you about how he tried to make pasta he ate in Italy for the first time a few months back and ended up burning the whole batch, because no one was by his side, so badly his kitchen smelled like smoke for days.

The more you talk, the more you notice the little things about him that aren’t so polished, aren’t so perfect, and make him feel more human and real than anyone you ever met. He has a way of listening, eyes intent on yours, like he’s trying to pick apart every word to understand it better. When he laughs, it’s with his whole face, even body, not the careful, composed look of an idol but a natural, carefree laugh that makes you feel like maybe he’s as relieved as you are to be here, to have someone he doesn’t have to impress. 

At some point, you both lapse into a comfortable silence, each lost in your own thoughts but somehow still connected. The tension from earlier has faded away, replaced by a soothing aura you know you don’t want to miss for a day in your life.

Eventually, Jungkook glances over at you, his eyes sucking you in without much resistance. “I kept thinking this would feel forced, you know? Like we’d be sitting here, struggling to find anything in common.” He leans back, drapes his arm around the back of where you’re sitting, glancing up at the ceiling as if searching for the right words. “But… it doesn’t feel that way. You feel… I don’t know, right?”

The slight flutter in your chest has now swelled into a full-blown hurricane, and you’re not sure if it’s that ninety-nine percent compatibility causing it. But you don’t let yourself think too much—not when you’ve both been inching closer with each word, not when you take a chance and lean in, resting your head against his side. Especially not when his arm settles directly over your shoulder, pulling you a little closer, his other hand finding yours, fingers intertwining just to see how it feels.

“Yeah, it feels right. I really like this.”

As you absently play with his fingers, breathing in his scent for the first time and deciding it’s like heaven, you let yourself trust science. Because this feels like exactly where you’re meant to be.

While the first meeting with Jungkook went better than you’d ever hoped, you’re painfully aware of your overthinking nature. Overthinking in a way that makes it painfully clear there are countless women out there who, on the surface, would seem a better visual match for him than you.

Overthinking to the point where you wonder why Jungkook would even need matchmaking when he could so easily choose a partner on his own. It’s also why staying focused at work isn’t exactly easy today, knowing that soon his label will be sending a car to pick you up for your next meeting with him.

You understand the precautions they’ve taken and completely agree it’s better to meet in a private, safe space rather than making headlines this early on. That’s why, as the tinted car arrives, you feel a bit more at ease than you have all day.

Soon enough, you’re driving down the path to the label’s underground garage, and while you fix your makeup real quick, the car comes to a stop. The driver nods and guides you towards the lift, where the lights are dim and everything has this quiet, professional atmosphere you’ve only seen on screen.

You try to take it all in, letting your thoughts settle just a bit more as you follow through to the hallways upstairs, past doors labelled with room numbers and studios, and then finally, you’re outside the door to Jungkook’s studio, right where you’re supposed to meet.

Your heart beats a little faster as you hear Jungkook’s familiar voice call out, “Come in,” and when you open the door, you find him leaning casually against the chair before his equipment with an easy smile that somehow manages to be both happy and slightly flirty. 

Again, Jungkook’s dressed just like uniquely him, with a few silver rings glinting on his fingers. And while you didn’t think he’d even get up to greet you, he steps forward and embraces you in hug so tight, it leaves you drowning in him. 

“Hey,” he greets with that disarming grin, eyes boring into you, taking in your formal work attire, as he gestures to the coffee set up besides his laptop. “Hope you don’t mind the casual vibe.”

You laugh a little, settling onto the free chair beside him, feeling a bit strange but somehow not. “I think it’s perfect. And to be honest, I don’t think I’d cope well with the whole five-star dining treatment and whatnot.”

He laughs, nodding in agreement, taking your purse from your hands and draping it casually over the back of his chair. The fact that he’s still so attentive, even though he’s clearly in his element here but completely relaxed, is rather fascinating and pulls you in even more.

Like the day before, talking with him comes easy, and while there’s nothing groundbreaking in your conversations, every word feels meaningful in the bigger picture.

Eventually, you feel yourself relaxing like you were at home by your own, getting comfortable enough to let out the thoughts that have been swimming in your head since last night. “I’ve thought a lot about how all of this could play out,” you admit, taking a sip of your coffee, trying to find the right words, though knowing there won’t be any wrong words when talking with Jungkook. “And honestly, I’m not really interested in taking things public if they did work out. I know that’s probably strange to say, but I’m not cut out for the spotlight.”

He tilts his head, watching you thoughtfully. “No, it’s not strange at all. I get it.”

A small smile tugs at your lips as you go on, “I just want something real. A partner who’s loyal, someone who’s there because we get each other, not because we’re some public ‘it’ couple, parading around every chance we get. Does that sound crazy?”

He shakes his head, while he swings from one side to the other.  “Not at all. That actually sounds perfect to me.” There’s a sincerity in his tone that makes you feel, for the first time, like there’s some truth to your report. “The whole ‘idol’ thing is just a job. It’s not who I am, not at the core. And having someone who sees it that way, is what I want too.”

It elates you to know that you could have something like this, with him,  someone you could genuinely share your life with.

Then, in a thoughtful voice, he asks, “What do you want for the future? I mean, outside all of this.” 

You take a breath, feeling a little nervous but wanting to be honest. It’s not like it’s news to him, seeing that this information’s written in the report he was handed. “I want something traditional. A home, a family, maybe staying home with kids, having that steady, grounded life. It sounds simple, I know, but it’s what I’ve always pictured.” You look up at him, expecting maybe a hint of judgement, but instead, you find him nodding, his eyes lighting up like a candle in the night.

“I don’t think that sounds simple at all, but meaningful.”

A shy smile forms on your lips as you add, “Sometimes I feel like people don’t see that side of things anymore, you know? Like everyone’s so focused on careers and success and everything else… and I get that, I do, but I’ve always just wanted something steady. Something I can hold on to.”

His hand finds yours, his fingers like second nature intertwine with yours, and the gesture is so simple yet so heartwarming that you feel like squealing out of happiness. “That’s exactly what I want too.” It’s nothing new to you too, but him saying that, seeing the honesty in his eyes, is better than any data shown to you. “I want that sense of home.”

You feel yourself falling a little harder, a little faster, and maybe that scares you a bit. You’ve seen the kind of attention he gets, the kind of girls that throw themselves at him, and it’s hard not to let those doubts creep in. Especially now. “I know this probably sounds insecure,” you start awkwardly, glancing away, “I think, I don’t know, maybe I’m not the kind of person someone like you would go for. I mean, you could have anyone, and not just because you’re an idol.”

He gives your hand a gentle squeeze, his thumb tracing soothing circles against your skin. And while his mouth opens to say something, the pull against your hand surprises you as much as him settling you in his lab. “Hey, don’t think like that. I’m here because I want to be. And trust me, I’m not looking for ‘anyone’. I’m looking for someone who gets me. And that someone is you, no?”

The look in his eyes is so genuine, so unguarded, that it’s hard to keep your heart from doing all sorts of stunts. He’s not the polished idol right now; he’s just Jungkook, being flirty, being compassionate, being so him, sitting in a cosy studio with his tattoos, his piercings, his moles, his beautiful smile, his whole presence more comfortable and inviting than you could have imagined.

And as he sits there, looking at you like you’re the only person in the world, you realise that you definitely don’t have to doubt this. Maybe it’s okay to let yourself believe that he’s here because he wants to be, that he’s falling for you irrevocably just as you’re falling for him. 

“Sooo… that means?” You know you need to be brave now, because if this isn’t a dream, you’d never forgive yourself for not taking the leap.

“That means, if you want to, I’d love to have you as my girlfriend.”

“Isn’t it a bit rushed?” You don’t actually think so, but you still need to be sure.

“I’m all in if you are. I don’t want to waste any more time, and even though it’s just a report, I can feel there’s real truth behind it.”

Fast forward seven months, and you find yourself pressed against the shower wall like you do every night. But this time, it’s different—just hours ago, you made your first public appearance on a music show with Jungkook, just because you both felt ready, where he was not only nominated for Best Singer of the Year but won as well.

“Koo, right there, right there.”

It still amazes you how his cock seems to find your g-spot as soon as he enters you, though you wouldn’t want it any other way.

“Yeah? Right there, hm? Or is it…” he trails off, shifting his hips ever so slightly, making you realise he’s actually hit the centre point of your g-spot now, his hard, unrelenting thrusts pushing you over the edge without warning.

“Oh my goooddd,” your eyes roll back, mouth hanging open against the cool shower wall, as your cunt keeps gripping him even though it’s already creaming around his cock.

“Good girl, keep going, love. Show me how many you can take tonight.”

There’s nothing you can do, not that you’d want to do anything other than let him rearrange your insides. Especially not when his tattooed hand finds its way from the back of your hair to your jaw, tilting your head to the side, giving you the perfect view of his upper body—rivulets of water cascading down his chiselled form, lips parted, eyebrows furrowed. 

He’s the epitome of perfection. Not just a ninety-nine percent but a hundred. 

His eyes, though hooded, bore into your soul as his hips pick up the pace. It’s this connection you share with him make being with him feel so special.

“Koo…”

“I know, love, just a bit more. Can you be a good girl?”

“Yes,” you moan, because hell, you can. “Yes, for you��ah, winning the trophy.”

Even though you shouldn’t feel his cock twitch with the pace he’s set, you do, realising instantly what he needs tonight.

“Best singer, Koo…fuck…best boyfriend, only fucking me when, hmm, the whole world wants a piece of you.”

“Only you. Always you, ___, love.” You think you catch him licking a drop of saliva from his lips as he stares down at where your bodies connect, sending another wave of arousal from your stretched-out hole.

“You’re so big.”

“Just for you, fuck, squeeze a bit more.”

It’s not that you did it on purpose, but when his hand shoots down to your clit, circling it just right, your body responds as though it’s never felt this good, soaking him even more and gripping him tight as a vice.

“Like that, love, like that.” Jungkook grunts and pants, holding you harder, tighter as his cock seems to swell even more, pumping frantically in sync with your impending second orgasm.

When Jungkook can’t hold back any longer, it’s all you need to let go too, the rush flowing through your veins just as fiercely as the love you feel for this man.

After some time, Jungkook pulls out, helping you straighten up and lean against his chest under the stream. His veiny hands trail down your body, washing away his release dripping out of you, as he plants kisses along the side of your face.

When he’s had enough, he, like always, turns you, brushing the wet strands of hair from your face. And as you do the same to him, captivated by how content and in love he looks, you can’t help but feel like the luckiest girl in the world when, for the first time, Jungkook declares his feelings.

“I love you, till the day I die, ___.”

“I love you too, and beyond.”

Because this, because having Jungkook calling you his, is beyond probability.

a/n 3: lmk what you think in any way you like! ��� If you liked what you read, pls consider buying me a ☕️ Ko-fi.com/runariya 💕

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[mnemo-sick]

transformers fanon anatomy terms? yeah, sure. I don't use all of them, but most of them don't bother me

transformers fanon timekeeping terms? I am filled with unending rage

[steampunk-raven]

advil not kicking in :) not sure what I was expecting tbf but it’s not like I can tell my ob-gyn that I need stronger meds and have her *listen* to me

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[writingsonsaturn]

Tim's fiancee gets arrested when a cop (let's say Lucy or someone) (this is after they are rookies) arrests her because she looks like a suspect they already caught, his fiancee told them she was engaged to Tim but they didn't believe her and Tim gets mad at the officer - <3

wrong place, wrong time - tim bradford

{ masterlist }

🪐: very sorry about how long its taken me to write, had a lot of stuff to do this week lol! this ones a little short <333

word count: 850

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

Waking up with Tim being gone was normal, even after he had left the military his day continued to start at 6 am sharp. Although on weekends he would cut himself some slack to hold you until you were ready to get out of bed and begin with your various tasks you two needed to get done.

Today didn’t start off any different, waking up only a few hours after Tim had, at a ripe 8:30am.

Rubbing your eyes you flung your legs to your left, your warm feet chilling almost immediately at the cold wooden flooring of you and Tim’s shared bedroom. A shiver shot through your nerves and up your spine, you sighed lightly at the shift in temperature and made your departure to the bathroom.

The spring air seeped into the sunlit room, the fresh morning breeze filling your soul with flowers and bright colors. Music filled the house whilst you finished your morning routine making breakfast and feeding Kojo.

You started out your afternoon deciding to head to the local library, wanting to return a book you had borrowed before you were charged with a late fee. 

The library wasn’t full since it was the afternoon and school was still in session, “hello! i’m here to return a book” you said in a chipper but quiet tone. The librarian smiled and took the book, checking it back into the system and sending you on your way.

Your next stop was a supermarket, you had only a handful of items that were needed. Tim had run out of coffee filters this morning and you needed more shampoo, you also opted to get a new water bowl for Kojo, not that he needed one, you just thought it was cute.

As you walked out to your car you were stopped with a taser pointed directly at your torso, “get on your knees with your hands up!” a woman yelled.

Your confused manor caused your reaction to be delayed, causing the police officer to yell once again. “Get down on the ground with your hands up, now!” you immediately get down to your knees and put your shaking hands up. 

“You got the wrong person, I swear! Call Tim Bradford, he's my Fiancé!” you pleaded, the cop with the name ‘Chen’ on her shirt just scoffed and laughed you off while stuffing you in the back of her squad car.

The ride to the precinct was uncomfortable, the cuffs were digging into the skin of your wrists. “Officer please, I'm not whoever you think I am. All you have to do is call Bradford, he’ll tell you exactly what I'm telling you know” you tried to plead your case once again, but it fell on deaf ears.

“Tim doesn’t have a fiancé, he was my T.O, i think i would know a big detail like him having a girlfriend” she laughed, feeling as though it was ridiculous to even entertain your words.

As you were brought into the station to get your picture taken and be put into holding, Chen passed you onto another officer and went to tell Grey about her catch. 

To Lucy’s surprise everyone had already been packing up the evidence and started paperwork, “what’s going on?” Lucy questioned, “we caught the killer, she was at her parents place shooting up when we got there” Tim explained. Lucy was confused, “so if you caught the killer, who do i have in holding?” the question hung in the air, Tim looking at her with perplexed eyes.

Lucy walked Tim over to holding and that’s where Tim saw you, “oh thank god!” you exclaimed seeing Tim. He hurried over to you taking your cuffs off and waving off the other officers. “Chen, why is my fiancé sitting here in cuffs?” Tim sternly asks, Lucy looks down, stuttering and trying to explain herself.

“Tim it’s fine, she was just doing her job” you did your best to defend Lucy, “No y/n, this is not okay, if it had been anyone else this would be a lawsuit” he turned his body at you but his tone was directed at Lucy.

“Tim i’m sorry, I didn’t know we had already caught the suspect and she looked exactly like our suspect” Lucy tried to explain, stumbling over her words.

“You are going to go to Grey and explain everything, lucky for you, y/n isn’t going to file a report against you” Tim assigned Lucy, to which she scurried away. “Are you okay? oh christ your wrists,” his questions and concerns came at you with speed.

“Tim, baby, I'm okay,” you smiled trying to calm him down. Tim held your wrists in his hands, and kissed them. He hoped his love would be enough to soothe your angry red skin, “i’m sorry, this shouldn’t have happened” he persisted. 

You shut him up with a kiss, “drive me to go pick up my car” your smile made him relax. “Yes ma’am” he laughed, telling Grey where he was going, and walking out hand in hand with you, still profusely apologizing.

[writingoddess1125]

Ive Fallen

The moment they fell in love with you~

Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Buggy, Shanks, Mihawk x GN Reader

Please support me on Ko-Fi I'd like to pay rent 👍🏽

Luffy

It was the moment you had made him his favorite meal and said the magic words-

"Hey Luffy welcome back!" You say cheerfully as you set down a plate for a customer. Your regular Luffy coming in for his normal mountain of food-

"Hey (Y/N)!" He said cheerfully as he set himself on his normal bench. You already having his glass of milk poured as you set it before him and got his plate consisting of his favorite items you had already made ahead of time.

"I saw you were getting your boat ready to set sail"

"I got to get everything going for when im pirate king!" He said loudly, taking a hefty bite of his food. You smiled, always loving his optimistic ways.

"Well, I believe in you Luffy. If there is anyone who will become king of the pirates its you" You say cheerfully and give him a smile.

Luffy felt his heart beating like a drum and warmth developed his body. Like your words had kicked his heart into action-

"Oop let me go refill Mr. Yamos drinks" You say cheerfully as you go to continue your work, Luffys eyes following you.

Had you always looked this pretty?

Zoro

When he saw you training

Zoro was.. well lost- He had needed to use the restroom when the ship made port and it was like he made one turn and suddently his was in a deep forest.

Fuck-

So Zoro went to make his way back, unknowingly getting himself more and more lost.

Stumbling through a clearing he stopped when he saw you- standing there practicing formation and swings with your sword- So beautiful and powerful, he couldn't help but be mesmerized.

Standing there watching from the trees he couldn't help but feel some warmth come to his cheeks, finally working the will to approach.

"Need a sparing partner?" He offered as he stepped forward.

Sanji

When he saw you baking and trying the food some kids had made for you

They had made port to restock supplies, in his case get more groceries since Luffy ate enough for 5 men. Walking through the streets of the village he smelled the sweets before he saw you- in the window letting out trays of freshly baked treats with a smile on your lips.

Your smile drew him to stop midstep and watch. A few young children running past him to the shop as they held up their treats to you-

He saw the pastry even from here he could see it was burned and most likely raw in the center, the thick layer of flower on the bottom no better then cement. Any person with a pallet wouldn't be able to swallow it- not even Luffy. However you smiled and took a big bite of the pastry and swallowed.

Smiling at the child and praising them on doing so well- Sanji felt his chest tughten and warmth unlike his normal attraction bubble in his system, his feet moving faster then his mind as he approached your bakery.

Buggy

When he saw you perform for the first time

Buggy had stopped by a village during a festival, Normally he would have just raided the place but he had a soft spot for festivals like this- So for now the village was spared.

Especially since they had one hell of a hot dog stand which he gladly took part in. While standing there eating his treat he turned to see the grand bonfire that was being set up as music started to be played, everyone starting to gather and dance- And then he saw you.

Singing and dancing along to the music as you stole the show, twirling around the fire with others as your clothes seemed to highly glow next to the light of the bonfire making you look like a living star.

Buggy felt Hypnotized as he watched you, The way you sang, dance and your overall grace.

He had never wanted to see another person perform so badly in his life, a warmth Flooding his face and chest as he watched you laugh and walk away to get a drink. Standing up to follow and work up the nerve to speak with you.

Shanks

When he heard you singing while gardening

Ah to he back at his favorite bar

He stepped out to get some fresh air, the warmth of the sun hitting his skin and making him feel energized. His train of thought was broken however as he heard singjng?- this wasn't a area that had a choir or anything like that so it caught his interest following the song to behind the bar.

Turning around the corner he spotted you, on your knees in the herb garden thay grew next to the restaurant gathering things needed for drunks and food.

He couldn't tear his eyes away from you as your voice washed through him- you looked so damn cute, paired with your singing it just made his chest squeeze at the sight.

"You have a beautiful voice" He said softly before giving you a sly smile, seeing you turn back to him and blush at being caught.

Mihawk

When you were sitting by the fireplace reading

Mihawk had arrived in a sleepy village, going to the nearest inn for the night to rest. Typically he would have just camped outside but the flash flood pouring over the village said otherwise-

Entering he spotted you right away, seated infront of the fire with a book. Normally he wouldn't bother glancing at such a sight but in truth he couldn't turn away.

You just looked so elegant? Seated so perfectly infront of that grand fireplace in comforble warm clothes, a cup of tea next to you and eyes focused only on the written word.

"Sir would you like a room?" The old women snapping him from his thoughts as he quickly nodded and paid for the room. Deciding it was best to just approach.

"What are you reading?" He asked, watching your eyes travel up to meet his and giving him a gentle smile as you tell him about the book series you were reading and offering him to read the first edition since you'd already completed it.

He accepts and sits at the chair across from you- A comforble relaxes feeling washing through him at this and he couldn't help but let his eyes fall in you.

Lovely

[ponderingmoonlight]

For the surprise fic- Geto answers the door to see the reader covered in blood… that’s not their’s. “Help me”

Suguru sighs to himself, tired legs carrying him to answer the door. Who on earth is this? Did Satoru decide show up again? No, he's on a mission. But who...? He swallows. There's only one person apart from his best friend who visits him this late at night.

He opens the door.

Only to get greeted by you.

You, completely covered in blood.

Geto's eyes widen in sheer horror. This looks bad, absolutely horrible. If half of that blood is yours...

"What happened to you?", he cries out in disbelief, dragging you into his apartment before you're even able to reply.

"Hey, mind to help me out a little?"

He isn't sure what his feelings are trying to tell him. Does he love you, hate you? Oh, at the moment it's definitely both.

"Please tell me this doesn't belong to you-"

"Nah, most of it doesn't", you reply with a slight grin.

Until he grabs your injured arm and sends a wave of scorching pain down your nerve system.

"But some does", you press out.

"I told you over and over to watch out, (y/n)! You could have been killed, why do you have to act so reckless!? Why didn't you see Shoko?"

He grabs a clean towel, soaks it in water and starts cleaning you up like the countless times before.

"Maybe I just need an excuse to show up at your doorstep."

"Come on, you don't need an excuse for that...", he mumbles, brown eyes fixated on the wound covering your arm.

With skilled motions, he frees all visible parts of your skin from crusty blood and inspects your bruises.

"What was it this time?"

"Special grade, had to watch out for the kids."

"Nanami isn't a kid."

"But it annoys the hell out of him when I call him that."

He hates the way a gentle smile creeps up his features, that he isn't even able to stay mad at you for longer than a few minutes.

"Thank you for taking care of me, Suguru", you add so gently that he almost trips over you, heart banging violently against his ribcage.

"Okay, I'm gonna get naked now."

"Naked?"

"Yeah, I mean I have to wash myself."

"Wait, I'll leave WHY DID YOU JUST TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT-"

[prentissluvr]

campus library, 7:00 a.m. — sam winchester

cw : gn!reader, fluff, stanford!era, unedited, 658 words. requested ! for my 800 followers event [ closed ] .

summary : a nervous first year (sam) asks the cute libary worker (you) for help printing and accidentally develops a crush on the first day of classes.

MOVED BLOGS TO @sammyluvr !! no longer active on this blog! all fics can be found there!

it’s a good thing for the library patrons that you’re in a particularly pleasant mood, which is a rare occurrence at seven a.m., especially on the first day of a new semester. the poor first years are stressed. you’re leisurely as you walk behind the circulation desk, setting your bag down by the chair and settling there with your laptop. it only takes about a second for someone to approach, holding his own laptop in nervous hands.

he does a pretty good jop of hiding that he’s nervous, but it’s clear to you that he feels out of place and maybe even a little lost.

“hi,” you greet him with a smile, inviting him closer and encouraging him to ask for whatever help he needs when he hesitates.

“hi.” he gives a tight lipped smile back, relaxing just a touch. “could you maybe help me with printing something, or…?” he’s clearly unsure if you’re the right person to ask. that’s a classic question, and one that further confirms your suspicions that he’s a first year. (though once you helped a junior print for the first time as a first year yourself last spring semester).

“absolutely!” you confirm, keeping the friendly smile on your face to hopefully put him at ease. “have you been able to connect your computer to the printers at all yet?” you’re pretty sure you know the answer, but ask anyway.

the student, who’s taller than he looks, all folded in on himself, shakes his head sheepishly. “i’m stuck there,” he explains.

“that’s alright. here,” you nod your head towards the nearest printer, standing up and leading him over. he follows, laptop cradled in his big hands. “do you mind?” you ask, hands hovering over the touchpad when he sets it down on the table.

“no, no, of course not. go ahead.” he gives you quick permission to touch his computer, and you spend the next minute explaining and showing him how to connect to the printer. in the system settings, you catch his name. maybe you’re a little curious about him. sam winchester.

he makes the attempt to print out the syllabus for a political science class. and, as often happens, it doesn’t work.

“the printers here sort of suck,” you explain quickly, so that he doesn’t feel bad or more nervous. “sometimes it’s because you’re using a personal computer. unfortunately, i don’t know how to fix that issue, but the tech services desk opens at eight and should be able to help you! if you need to print now, you can head to the computer lab, sign in with your stanford email and password, then select the same printer that i showed you.”

“okay,” he sighs out. “thank you so much,” he says sincerely, looking relieved that there’s a second solution. 

“of course,” you smile, then walk off back to your seat as he heads for the computer lab. about a minute later, he returns, looking slightly embarrassed. it turns out that he still can’t quite get it to work. he’s very apologetic for bothering you, but you assure him quickly and easily that it’s no problem at all. he’s so kind and frankly, cute, so you have no qualms with helping him.

the syllabus prints, and he thanks you several times. each time, you assure him that it’s no problem, that you’re happy to help. something about him makes you want to ease his nerves. you hope that your adamant kindness makes a good impression for his first day.

it must have at least a little, because you see him in the library often. then, you see his name in the list of new hires for the library this semester. the next time you meet him is the day that your boss asks you to show him how to shelve books and take inventory. you work together once a week. he’s easily your favorite coworker, and you’re pretty sure that you’re his.

[gghostwriter]

I feel terrible for asking when your requests are closed bur Holy shit this is my real life and I need some loving.

I have a court case soon about putting a p*do in jail that I dobbed in, I'd live to have the team with me in court. I don't have to talk on the stand since he's already pled guilty but if we don't have a hang judge he'll most likely get home detention and on the Registry. My friends and I are hoping for jail bur yeah, I'd love to have the team soothing my anxieties as he doesn't know it was me that dobbed him in (I met him once) I need some loving and reassurance. Like I'm glad I got him done in but still seeing it go down I'm just messed up

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader Trope: Established Relationship; Fluff and comfort Word Count: 0.9k A/N: Anon, I hope this brings you comfort! I also want to personally say that you did the right thing and I know it took a lot of courage to report that sick sick man to the authorities and I’m so proud of you. Do let me know the outcome of the trial and I’m hoping the case was assigned to a hang judge for harsh punishment. Main masterlist

Sentencing. // Spencer Reid

You dreaded to be here. Here being standing outside the judiciary building as the reason why burdened your chest like a twenty tonne weight making it hard to breathe. The anxiety was wafting out of you in waves—you wanted to vomit or pass out or both from the idea that there’s a fifty percent chance of justice not being serve. The numbers were wrong, you knew, but you were not your genius boyfriend who can chatter off the correct statistics based on government reports. You were just you—a regular civilian who took the courage to report a crime and do stand up for the victim. Spencer was proud of you and the grit it took to stand up for another specially for the young but here, right now, you felt anything but brave. 

A hand slid into yours, making you jump in fright.

“Spence?” You questioned your sanity then. It was a weekend and although that meant no work for him, his phone had rang and the both of you parted ways at the subway, him going to Quantico and you going to the court trial. So the idea that he was here, standing beside you seemed too ludicrous. A figment of your strained imagination possibly before his cedar wood perfume registered in your mind. “Are you real—I mean, what are you doing here?” 

He squeezed your hand. “I called back Hotch and he convinced Strauss to give the case to the other team. You’ve been nervous for the past few days, picking on your nails—” bringing up your hand to see the nail beds dry and pink “—biting on your lips—” touching them as he observed the faint teeth marks “—and not being able to focus—” pushing away a stray lock of hair that escaped your haphazardly tied bun. “—I want to be here for you and remind you that you did the right thing.”

“I know that. It’s just—what if the judge assigned to the case doesn’t give a harsh sentence? What if he just gets registered as a sex offender and walks?” 

“According to the statistics, 87% of convicted rapists are incarcerated while 13% receive a probation sentence. Pedophilia is also widely considered as one of the most egregious crimes by the system and the fact that he has already pled guilty gives a higher chance of imprisonment,” he rattled off as his own way of comfort. 

For some, the daunting two digit number minority seemed big, and it is, but you trusted his insight especially knowing his own experiences in the field of protecting the weak and capturing the sick.

The numbers had it’s desired effect, lifting a bit off the weight dragging you down. You pressed your lips together and took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s go.” 

He squeezed your hand three more times—a silent communication between you two that meant I love you as he pulled you in the assigned court room. 

You occupied the last few rows, noting the family members of the victim also in attendance and although Spencer had calmed a bit of your nerves, each tick of the clock mixed with the palpable tension in the confined space had you shaking your knee in agitation. All of this combined made you unaware of the multiple presences that slid behind your bench. It took Spencer letting go of your hand and turning his head to bring you back to the present.

You swiveled, curious as to what had caught his attention, and breathed a sigh of relief.

It was the rest of the team.

Hotch reached out to squeeze your shoulder while Dave did the same on the other. Derek and Emily gave you a nod of encouragement and sweet smiles from JJ and Penelope.  It made you want to tear up to feel such love, support, and reassurance from Spencer’s chosen family. 

Unsure on how to put your gratitude into words, you gave a brief smile before turning back to the front as the judge entered the bench.

Bang.

Bang. 

The gavel echoed, effectively silencing any chatter of the audience.

Court was officially in session. 

———

The twenty tonne weight that sat on your chest lifted as the judge sentenced the accused to fourteen years in prison with no chance of parole. The scene of each family members of the victim crying and hugging each other in elation and relief made the steps you took worth it. Children deserved to hold on to their innocence for as long as they could and they warrant the protection from any concerned adult and the system.

Stray tears escaped the confines of your eyes as Spencer placed a kiss on your forehead before leading you out of the building, all decorated agents in tow.

“Hey Rossi, we should have dinner at your house to celebrate,” Emily cheekily suggested once everyone was out on the steps. The same steps you were hyperventilating on a few hours ago.

Dave scoffed. “Fist of all, it’s a mansion and second of all, what is it with this team inviting themselves over?” 

Derek laughed. “Aw c’mon man, we know you’d love to host us. JJ can bring Will and the kids and Hotch can bring Jack. It’ll be fun plus Y/N—” nodding in your direction “—deserves a good Italian dinner after all of this, don’t you think?”

Dave took note off all the members nodding their heads in agreement before sighing. “Fine, I’ll whip us up some Bolognese pasta, our Bambina’s favorite over here. Come by at 7pm sharp or else I’m locking the gates.” 

Everyone cheered and soon parted ways, promising to see each other later on, leaving you and Spencer leisurely walking to the subway station.

He squeezed your hand again three times and smiled. “You make me so proud of you. So so proud.” 

“Thank you for being there with me Spencer,” you squeeze in return. “I really appreciate it.”

“Anything for you, love. Anything at all.”

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

[covid-safer-hotties]

The next pandemic is inevitable. Australia isn’t ready - Published Sept 23, 2024

(Before you Americans yell at me, It's already the 23rd in Australia. This is very late-breaking)

I thought this was a really good breakdown of the current situation given the government-approved covid denial we live in. Long, but worth a read.

By Kate Aubusson and Mary Ward

Top infectious disease and public health veterans at the nerve centre of the state’s war against COVID-19 are sounding the alarm.

NSW is less prepared today to fend off a deadly pandemic despite the lessons of COVID-19, say top infectious disease and public health veterans at the nerve centre of the state’s war against the virus.

And we won’t have another hundred years to wait.

NSW’s gold standard Test-Trace-Isolate-Quarantine and vaccination strategies will be useless if a distrusting population rejects directives, refuses to give up its freedoms again, and the goodwill of shell-shocked public health workers dries up.

A panel of experts convened by The Sydney Morning Herald called for a pandemic combat agency akin to the armed forces or fire brigades to commit to greater transparency or risk being caught off guard by the next virulent pathogen and misinformation with the potential to spread faster than any virus.

“It’s inevitable,” says Professor Eddie Holmes of the next pandemic. A world-leading authority on the emergence of infectious diseases at the University of Sydney, Holmes predicts: “We’ll have less than 100 years [before the next pandemic].

“We’re seeing a lot of new coronaviruses that are spilling over into animals that humans are interacting with,” said Holmes, the first person to publish the coronavirus genome sequence for the world to see.

“People are exposed all the time, and each time we are rolling the dice.”

The independent review of NSW Health’s response to COVID-19 opened with the same warning: “No health system or community will have the luxury of 100 years of downtime.”

Pandemic preparedness needs to be a “permanent priority”, wrote the report’s author, Robyn Kruk, a former NSW Health secretary, “rather than following the path of those that have adopted a ‘panic and forget strategy,’ allowing system preparedness to wane”.

Why we don’t have 100 years to wait for the next pandemic The World Health Organisation has declared seven public health emergencies of international concern since 2014, including the current mpox outbreak.

Climate change is turbocharging the factors that coalesce to create the perfect breeding ground for a pandemic-causing virus, including population increases, bigger cities, and better-connected global markets and migration.

“Animals will be forced into more constrained environments, and humans that rely on those environments will be again constrained in the same environments. There will be more wet markets, more live animal trade that will just increase exposure,” Holmes said.

“It was clear that we weren’t ready [for COVID],” said Jennie Musto, who, after seven years working for the World Health Organisation overseas, became NSW Health’s operations manager for the Public Health Emergency Operations Centre, the team responsible for NSW’s COVID-19 contact tracing and containment.

“Everyone had preparedness plans gathering dust on a shelf, but no one was actually ready to respond, and so everyone was on the back foot,” Musto said. “Perhaps none of us really thought this was going to happen. We were waiting 500 years.”

Who would willingly become the next doomed whistleblower? Eddie Holmes, known for his repeated assertion that SARS-CoV-2 did not come from a lab, is deeply concerned that when the next pandemic-causing virus emerges, chances are it will be covered up.

“My worry is that if the virus appeared in a small population, say, somewhere in Southeast Asia, the people involved wouldn’t blow the whistle now, given the fact that you would get blamed,” he said.

Li Wenliang, the Wuhan doctor who tried to raise the alarm about a virulent new virus, was reportedly reprimanded by police for spreading rumours and later died of COVID-19.

The global blame game, culminating in a deep distrust of China and accusations that the virus was grown in a Wuhan lab, is why Holmes believes “we’re in no better place than we were before COVID started, if not worse”.

“I work with a lot of people in China trying to keep the lines of communication open, and they’re scared, I think, or nervous about saying things that are perceived to counter national interest.”

From a vaccine perspective, our defences look strong. There have been monumental advancements in vaccine development globally, driven by mRNA technology. In Sydney this month, construction began on an RNA vaccine research and manufacturing facility.

“But the way I see it is that nothing has been done in terms of animal surveillance of outbreaks or data sharing. The [global] politics has got much, much worse,” Holmes said.

Combat force Conjoint Associate Professor Craig Dalton, a leading public health physician and clinical epidemiologist, called for a dramatic expansion of the public health workforce and the establishment of a pandemic combat force that would routinely run real-time pandemic simulations during “peacetime”.

“No one is upset with fire brigades spending most of the time not fighting fires. They train. A lot. And that’s probably how we need to move,” he said.

“We need exercise training units so that every major player in pandemic response is involved in a real-time, three to four-day pandemic response every three to five years at national, state and local [levels].”

The federal Department of Health and Aged Care recently ran a health emergency exercise focused on governance arrangements involving chief health officers and senior health emergency management officials, a spokeswoman for Health Minister Mark Butler said. The outcomes of this exercise will be tested later this year.

Dalton said desktop simulations and high-level exercises involving a handful of chiefs didn’t cut it, considering the thousands of people working across regions and states. He instead suggested an intensive training program run in the Hunter New England region before the 2009 H1N1 pandemic provided a good model.

“We were ringing people, actors were getting injections, just like a real pandemic,” said Dalton, who once ordered a burrito in a last-ditch effort to contact a restaurant exposed to COVID-19.

Our heroes have had it The expert panel was emphatic that our pandemic response cannot once again rely on the goodwill of the public health and healthcare workforce.

According to the Kruk review, what began as an emergency response ultimately morphed from a sprint into an ultra marathon and “an admirable (yet unsustainable) ‘whatever it takes’ mindset”.

They were hailed as heroes, but the toll of COVID-19 on healthcare workers was brutal. Workloads were untenable, the risk of transmission was constant, and the risk of violence and aggression (for simply wearing their scrubs on public transport in some cases) was terrifying.

“We got through this pandemic through a lot of people working ridiculous hours,” Dalton said.

“You talk to a lot of people who did that and say they could not do it again.”

Tellingly, several expert personnel who worked at the front lines or in the control centre of NSW’s pandemic defences were invited to join the Herald’s forum but declined. Revisiting this period of intense public scrutiny, culminating in online attacks and physical threats, was just too painful.

So long, solidarity Arguably, the biggest threat to our pandemic defences will be the absence of our greatest strength during COVID: the population’s solidarity and willingness to follow public health orders even when it meant forfeiting fundamental freedoms.

The public largely complied with statewide public health orders, including the stay-at-home directive that became the 107-day Delta lockdown, and other severe restrictions prevented many from being at the bedside of their dying loved ones, visiting relatives in aged care homes and attending funerals.

“My worry is that next time around when those sorts of rules come out, people may say, ‘Well, don’t worry about it.’ They relax it in the future. Why don’t we just not stick to the rules?” said Professor Nicholas Wood, associate director of clinical research and services at the National Centre for Immunisation Research and Surveillance.

“I’m not sure we quite understand whether people [will be] happy with those rules again,” he said.

Dalton was more strident.

“I tend to agree with Michael Osterholm … an eminent US epidemiologist [who] recently said the US is probably less prepared for a pandemic now than it was in 2019, mostly because the learnings by health departments in the COVID pandemic may not make a material difference if faced with a community that distrusts its public health agencies,” he said.

“If H1N1 or something else were to spill over in the next couple of years, things like masks, social distancing and lockdowns would not be acceptable. Vaccination would be rejected by a huge part of the population, and politicians might be shy about putting mandates in.”

As for the total shutdown of major industries, people will struggle to accept it unless the next pandemic poses a greater threat than COVID, said UNSW applied mathematician Professor James Wood.

The risk of the virus to individuals and their families will be weighed against the negative effects of restrictions, which are much better understood today, said Wood, whose modelling of the impact of cases and vaccination rates was used by NSW Health.

“Something like school closure would be a much tougher argument with a similar pathogen,” he said.

A previous panel of education experts convened by the Herald to interrogate pandemic decision-making in that sector was highly critical of the decision to close schools for months during NSW’s Delta lockdown.

Greg Dore, professor of infectious diseases and epidemiology at the Kirby Institute, said the public’s reluctance to adhere to restrictions again may, in part, be appropriate.

“Some of the restrictions on people leaving the country were a bit feudal and too punitive,” he said. “Other restrictions were plain stupid, [for instance] limitations on time exercising outside.”

Meanwhile, the delays to publicly recognise the benefits of face masks and the threat of airborne transmission “ate away at trust”, Dalton said.

“We shouldn’t make those mistakes again,” he said.

Transparent transgressions Uncertainty is not something politicians are adept at communicating, but uncertainty is the only constant during a pandemic of a novel virus.

Vaccines that offered potent protection against early iterations of the COVID virus were less effective against Omicron variants.

“[The public], unfortunately, got hit by a rapid sequence of changes of what was ‘true’ in the pandemic,” James Wood said.

Political distrust can be deadly if governments give the public reason to suspect they are obfuscating.

The expert panel urged NSW’s political leaders to be far more transparent about the public health advice they were given before unilaterally enforcing restrictions.

There was a clear line between public health advice and political decision-making in Victoria. The Victorian chief health officer’s written advice was routinely published online.

In NSW, that line was blurred as Chief Health Officer Kerry Chant stood beside political leaders, most notably former premier Gladys Berejiklian, at the daily press conferences.

Public health experts said that they looked for subtle cues to determine the distinction between the expert advice and the political messaging during press conferences, paying attention to body language, who spoke when and who stayed silent.

“It is fine for public health personnel to have a different view to politicians. They have different jobs. What is not OK is to have politicians saying they are acting on public health advice [when they are not],” he said.

The ‘whys’ behind the decisions being made were missing from the daily press conferences, which created “a vacuum for misinformation”, said social scientist and public health expert Professor Julie Leask at the University of Sydney.

“The communication about what you need to do came out, and it was pretty good … but the ‘why we’re doing this’ and ‘what trade-offs we’ve considered’ and ‘what dilemmas we’ve faced in making this decision’; that was not shared,” Leask said.

The infodemic In the absence of transparency, misinformation and disinformation fill the vacuum.

“We had an ‘infodemic’ during the pandemic,” said Dr Jocelyne Basseal, who worked on the COVID-19 response for WHO in the Western Pacific and leads strategic development at the Sydney Infectious Diseases Institute, University of Sydney.

“The public has been so confused. Where do we go for trusted information [when] everyone can now write absolutely anything, whether on Twitter [now called X] or [elsewhere] on the web?” Basseal said.

A systematic review conducted by WHO found misinformation on social media accounted for up to 51 per cent of posts about vaccines, 29 per cent of posts about COVID-19 and 60 per cent of posts about pandemics.

Basseal’s teenage children recently asked whether they were going into lockdown after TikTok videos about the mpox outbreak.

“There is a lot of work to be done now, in ‘peacetime’ … to get ahead of misinformation,” Basseal said, including fortifying relationships with community groups and teaching scientists – trusted and credible sources of information – how to work with media.

In addition to the Kruk review’s six recommendations to improve its pandemic preparedness, NSW Health undertook a second inquiry into its public health response to COVID-19, which made 104 recommendations.

NSW Health Minister Ryan Park said: “We are working hard to ensure the findings and recommendations from those reports are being implemented as quickly as possible.”

The expert panellists spoke in their capacity as academics and not on behalf of NSW Health or WHO.

The ‘As One System’ review into NSW Health’s COVID-19 response made six recommendations 1. Make governance and decision-making structures clearer, inclusive, and more widely understood 2. Strengthen co-ordination, communication, engagement, and collaboration 3. Enhance the speed, transparency, accuracy, and practicality of data and information sharing 4. Prioritise the needs of vulnerable people and communities most at risk, impacted and in need from day one 5. Put communities at the centre of emergency governance, planning, preparedness, and response 6. Recognise, develop and sustain workforce health, wellbeing, capability and agility.

[pinkchrissysposts]

VOID CHALLENGE ᥫ᭡

(This challenge will take atleast 2 weeks don't walk away just because it's two week 2,I have got alot of asks from anons who want to enter void or manifest but have adhd let's start~~)

🧁The challenge>>

•. Regulating nervous system aka your vagus nerves.

So what is vagus nerves??? It is the parasympathetic nerves that is longest nerves in our body. It through our brain to large intestine,they carry out messages to our brain so to calm to thoughts that give us anxiety we have to regulate them.

My favorite way regulate to regulate is massaging my thorax point because my chest hurts alot when I get anxious and anxiety.

This video really helped me because I never really got this type of relief from chest pain when u used to get anxiety.

Another way to regulate is humming,or gargling,cold exposure like,ice bath,cold shower.

So guys when ever you get anxiety do once of these exercise atleast 4 times if possible or if you are a very anxious person.

•. Pink noises:

Ofc couldn't forget this one you have to use it after a proper nervous system regulation before bed before going to bed while affirming.

•. Self concept:

For this challenge I really REALLY RECCOMEND self concept,yes you don't need it but if you're getting anxiety even after seeing or manifested many things before I really recommend working on self concept.

•. Robotic Affirming:

I really recommend it for people with ADHD like me,the repetition really help chase away those unwanted negative thoughts,you can do it while doing anything basically but affirming while doing crochetingor qalking is my favvvv!!.

•. Saturating sessions:

Here you can use a counter app put a particular number like for example 500 or 600,it's all upto you.

If you want to affirm for an hour or two,set timer and affirm while tapping.

Or you can set a goal like for a day you'll affirm 1000 or 2000 times and while day when ever you get time you can use the counter app.

Or you can use affirmation tape whatever resonates with you.

🧸.WEEK ONE.

This week is all about your self concept.

•. Start your day with NO phone,if you read a lot of SATS guide uou probably read that we are in SATS right when we wake up,so yes use this hour to affirm in your favour SELF CONCEPT,every morning.

•. Now It's upto you you can do saturating sessions anytime of your day and robotically affirming.

Tip: if you lose focus while robotically affirming try doing repetitive activity like for me walking or crocheting or tapping on my thigh while watching movie.

•. Now if you catch yourself over thinking and feeling nervous and wavering do one of the vagus nerves exercises really quick and along with pink noises.

•. As for night before bed,I personally really prefer a cold shower and then listening to pink noises while robotically affirming but shower isn't necessary you can do what you like to regulate your nervous system.

So you have to do all this for a week remember it's self concept week whenever thought like "should I just into entering void/manifesting" a big fat NO, instead start telling yourself it's done if you feel like working on self concept is wasting your time,but don't get too lost on affirming "it's done" remember just regulate and affirm it's done few times before going back to how amazing you are in manifesting or entering void.

🧸. WEEK TWO~

•. Now this week you will do the same but not work on your self concept,you will start affirming that YOU ARE THE VESRION OF YOURSELF WHO CAN MANIFEST/ENTER VOID.

•. Also THIS WEEK you will use EFT tapping around 6 rounds not a specific time you can do EFT tapping while robotically affirming taht you can manifest /enter void.

•. On second week I want you guys to start practicing meditation before bed instead of putting pink noises and affirming like first week now I know it's hard to meditate for someone with ADHD but here is the thing,you will observe those thought which means you will no longer try to identify with those thoughts. Monitor those thoughts like you are in someone else's body,you'll realize the thought are coming in by itself,ok just assume you're a soul trapped in a vessel and this vessel is trying to fool you into thinking you're the vessel and slowly your thoughts will start to decrease it just need some practice.

And if you're just wanting to manifest something it's fine no need to do the meditation part.

🧁. This challenge DOES NOT hold the power but you does,don't get discourage if you had hard time with meditation or it took you longer then 2 weeks it DOES NOT MATTER,what matter is you KNOWING that you are MASTER AT ENTER VOID/ MANIFESTING!! You must realize that you hold the power to shape your reality, and just a negative thought can't ruin your day. Discipline is ALSO needed here babes I know ADHD can be pretty annoying when we get distracted or get too focus on useless things,that's why I recommend robotic affirming alot like ALOT.

[mozzaicynth]

one thought everyday and its just the amazing world of gumball especially these three freaks (doodles + some headcanons below :3)

mr small -

my interpretation of small becoming more mellowed out in the future seasons as opposed to season 1 is him managing his anger in a more healthier way (meditation, etc) (plus i think all those herbal infusions are incredibly effective on the nerves) . that being said i think he still has underlying anger issues and lashes out if prompted too much . another reason hes nicer and more of a pushover in the later seasons is because i like to think hes guilty of his plethora of outbursts earlier on, especially towards students (unwarranted shouting which as a school counsellor he should know is pretty harmful on younger kids) . the fact that he tries to offer his help when its absolutely not needed so many times later on in the show further makes me like to think he’s making up for it all

hes also so autistic to me hes on the spectrum you cant tell me otherwise and i think hes pretty awkward and considered strange by the whole town (which is saying a lot for elmore standards) . still super friendly and approachable but he also cant take hints and he definitely stims (and has special interests, alternative medicine are you kidding)

his music taste i love to think is all over the place … i get the general consensus is he listens to mystic chants and sitar music but he definitely listens to more, ranging from pop to indie to rock to metal (this may or may not have become an idea when i was listening to ‘darts by soad and associated it with him,) . also what with his stupid little self funded album that is such a jarring listen ‘cause of all the ridiculous genre changes

i think he crochets/macrames as a hobby along with other diy stuff (most of the decorative items in his home crafted by him) making him, surprisingly considering how incompetent he is sometimes, super crafty/handy .

larry -

larry is a great person: incredibly intelligent, he’s very knowledgable on a plethora of subjects and he has a big heart, holding little to no virtriol against the people of elmore (except the wattersons but that is SO warranted) . thus i like to imagine he did great in school, moved on to do so wonderfully in uni whilst juggling jobs and his studies but after graduation was left stuck (alike so many people nowadays) . neither small or larry came from well off families but i think for larry he didn’t have much of a support system anyway so currently he overworks and works and works just to catch up on the student debt whilst simultaneously paying his taxes (i still think about that episode all the time fuck the police . big pink son of a bitch), loans and not to mention the bare minimum to keep himself alive

he’s a very sweet and kind person but anyone under the immense stress that he’s under would be irritable and temperate (he deserves to be more angry imo) and i whilst he has so many jobs he always aims to excel at all of them, having an incredibly particular way that tasks must be done and having them organised . because of this, he can be a lot more temperate when interacting with coworkers, especially those who don’t do their job as well, having to take matters into his own hands . as he and karen (his girlfriend throughout the series) share some jobs it puts a strain on their relationship (which was built off of the mutual ‘having several jobs’) and they break up .

even so, though larry consistently tries to propose to her in the show, in “the laziest” he doesn’t seem to be happy nor comfortable at all with the prospects of marrying her . in fact, even when he’s achieved the ‘american dream’ (properties like a house and car and a family (his girlfriend soon to be wife)) he’s unhappy . personally i don’t think he knows what he wants to do with himself ; he works all day and night and has little to no time for himself to even think in peace that the only purpose he knows is work .

i like to think he used to be an artist; self taught, it was a hobby and an enjoyment but his studies and his work took over so his one form of self expression was squeezed out of his life .. (i like making their lives as bleak as possible soz ! 🙏) he still admires the arts and i think that’s another reason he likes steve so much; his handcrafts and mini projects .

steve and larry are two opposites that are similar in ways .. but i love their dynamic so much . my interpretation of them is that steve will help larry balance out his life slightly better to leave room for himself instead of working 24/7 . steve has his head in the clouds and larry grounds him, and larry is so stuck in his ways with work that steve pulls him out of it slightly, lifting him up a little higher (AUGHHHGHH I HATE THEM I HATE THEM

as for their relationship with rob, im very much a stevelmeyer adoption truther !! both larry and steve coming from dysfunctional families, they aim to help rob and take care of him to the best of their abilities . further, larry taking on taking care of rob gives him direction in his life again . 😁😁😁😁😁😁

this isnt gonna be the last post headcanon/idea wise i still think of them 24/7 but heres jus SOME things .. (im such a yapper sprry not sorry !) :3c

[pastel-peach-writes]

Caitvi x reader who just goes along with things and doesn't state their opinion or how they feel,but they do get quiet or tense when they're uncomfortable or pick their nails. But if your alright with angst maybe they get overwhelmed or hurt or both,but still refuse,so they force it out of them,and they're hurt like "why didn't you tell us?.." or something,it's comfort.if it's a little to dark I'll ask something else😭 sorry if it is

Hi! It's not too dark at all. To let it be known, I'm fine with writing angst! If you're curious about how much is too much, you can simply message me! I hope y'all enjoy the fic.

"You Can Tell Us." | CaitVi x Reader

╰┈➤ PLOT: In the household where you grew up, expressing your opinion wasn't tolerated. Hell, expressing your emotions wasn't tolerated either. To keep the peace, you learned to not say anything in stressful situations, even if that means sacrificing your well-being.

╰┈➤ WARNINGS: Yelling, Co-Workers Being Assholes, Name Calling, Hurt/Comfort(?), Pet Names, Cursing, Not Proofread

⍣ ೋ Enjoy!⍣ ೋ

A/N: I HOPE THIS IS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR. THIS KINDA GOT AWAY FROM ME LMAO

Your whole life you were the person who kept the peace. You were someone who bit their tongue to avoid getting yelled at or offered solutions to problems that had nothing to do with you. If there was a solution to a problem or a way to avoid conflict, you were the person who chose those options.

So, why did this have to happen to you?

At your place of work, you were minding your business. You finished some paperwork earlier than planned and decided to take an early break. Then, four of your team members rushed into the break room.

"Do you think you can sit here and have us do all the work?" "You have some nerve making us look like the bad guys." "You're a lazy piece of shit. I don't know how you even made it this far."

The words pierced your skin and heart like darts to a board. You didn't dare to say anything back. Stunned in the moment, you took a sip of your water. Your eyes focused on the plain wall behind your teammates.

"And look, now they're spacing out like we're not even here," a co-worker buzzed. He scoffed. He leaned down in front of you and waved his hand in your face. "Hello? Anyone home?"

When he didn't get a response, he knocked on your skull.

You gave them nothing. Tears stung in your eyes.

"Wow, shocker! No one's home," he laughed. The rest of the team followed. Fulfilled, the man hummed. "Guess that's what happens when you hire an airhead who's probably having relations with the boss." the man put his hand on the table, cornering you in.

Your eyes remained on the wall. You weren't having an affair with the boss, but you didn't feel the need to say anything.

He shifted himself into your eyesight. A sinister smirk tugged on the corner of his lips. He took the tip of his finger and tipped the bottom of your cup. The cup fell over, the clear liquid soaking through your shirt and lap.

The laughter roared.

"Oops!" he feigned a gasp. He pulled away from you, his hand on his chest. "Guess you should've been more careful. It's okay," the man gave a fake smile, "holding cups is hard."

A cackle ripped through him as he leaned his head back. He shoved his hands in his pockets then turned around and left. The others flocked after him like ducklings to a parent.

Hot tears ran down your cheeks when they were out of sight. You forced yourself out of your chair and dragged your feet towards the paper towels.

Sobs scratched your throat at your pathetic attempt to dry your shirt. You were drenched through and it was cold out. Only six more hours left.

-

Home and on the couch, you stared at the wall to calm yourself down. With your nervous system still on the rocks, chews on your lips and nails, and an unfocused gaze, the attempt was a failure.

"Vi, that was completely inappropriate and not needed!" Caitlyn scolded as the two of them walked into the house. In the right mindset, you would greet them and ask how their day was, but because of today's earlier events, you didn't hear them come in.

"Oh, come on, Cupcake," Vi spoke. A chuckle followed her sentence. "All I did was curse him out a little and threaten him." the pinkette threw off her boots. Caitlyn carefully slipped her feet out of her own. "Don't act like you didn't like it," her tone was sing-songy.

The bluenette's cheeks were dusted pink. She put her hands on her hips, watching Vi's smirk grow as they kept eye contact. "I-It... It was fine, but it wasn't needed."

"Come on!" Vi threw her hands up. She hopped and spun on the balls of her feet as she entered the living room. "Muffin," Vi gave you a playful pout. She sat beside you on the couch, her arm resting on your shoulder. She gave you her signature puppy eyes. "Am I the bad guy for telling one of Caitlyn's employees to get their shit together or else their job is on the line?"

"That is not what you said," Caitlyn rebutted. She found her place on your other side.

Vi hummed, shrugging. "So, maybe I paraphrased a lil'. What's the harm?"

"The harm is you're trying to sweeten up your side of the story to be more appealing," Caitlyn narrowed her eyes toward Vi. Vi only grinned in response.

Vi put her gaze back on you. "Is it workin', Muffin?"

You're far gone. You haven't moved and the chewing on your nails got worse. You haven't blinked in so long, your eyes were producing tears to regain moisture.

"Muffin?" Vi leaned closer to your face. The tears now slid down your cheeks and your chest heaved up and down. Vi glanced to Caitlyn who was already scanning you to see if there was something physically wrong.

When she couldn't find anything, Caitlyn shook her head to reassure Vi of your physical safety.

Nothing was wrong physically which meant something emotionally or mentally was bothering you. Vi frowned. She placed a hand on your shoulder. "Muffin. Hey." Her voice was clear and firm. She was sure her voice had no hint of sadness to not push you over the edge. However, if you looked into her eyes, you would find them glassy with dilated pupils.

Caitlyn's eyes were similar. Her blue irises darkened in concern, fear, and anxiety; all the words she could use to describe how disheveled she was feeling.

Not seeing you move, Vi shook your shoulder. "Muffin. Snap out of it. What's going on?"

Caitlyn brought a hand to your thigh. She gave your thigh a gentle squeeze.

With another squeeze to your thigh from Caitlyn and a squeeze on your shoulder from Vi, you finally blinked. The moisture in your eyes made a reappearance. You looked between the two of them, pulling your nail out of your mouth. "Huh?"

"You've been staring at the wall. Cait and I came home a while ago and you haven't said a word," Vi whispered. Her grip on your shoulder turned into comforting rubs.

"Oh, I'm fine," you force a smile. Caitlyn deadpanned. She pulled her gaze to Vi who wore the same unphased face.

"You're not fine. It's okay to not be fine, dear," Caitlyn stroked your thigh. Her eyes were filled with sadness, the same with Vi's grey eyes.

"I promise, I'm fine."

"Bullshit!" scoffed Vi.

"Violet."

"No, they're not fine. That's obvious!" Vi removed her hand from your shoulder. Instead, she got up from the couch to resume her sentence. "I should've known you weren't okay. You didn't do that cute greeting of yours when your face lights up and you squeeze us like you haven't seen us in years."

You shifted in your seat, a frog in your throat. Tears well up in your eyes again, but this time, these tears are from sadness. You scratched your palm with your nails.

Caitlyn sighed. "I, too, should've noticed the change in your behavior. I guess we were too wrapped up in our own drama to notice," Caitlyn took a glimpse of Vi's expression.

Her eyebrows were furrowed, the skin between them creased. She'd squeeze her hands into fists and then let go repeatedly as a fidget.

Caitlyn took Vi's anger as a sign she should resume speaking. "We're not trying to force you into telling us, but if you're not okay, you can. We're here to comfort you, be your rock when you can't be your own." Caitlyn shuffled to squat in front of you. She doesn't force you to look at her, but you can see her worried eyes in your peripheral vision.

"Being with the two of you taught me it's okay to depend on others," Caitlyn admitted. "I want to be the person who can have anything under control and can come off as collected, but keeping all my frustrations inside or innermost thoughts can be challenging."

Vi calmed herself down enough to sit on the floor. She rested her head on your knee and put a hand on Caitlyn's leg.

Gaining comfortability, you slid down the couch. You sat between them with your back resting on the couch's edge. Vi's head repositioned itself to your shoulder and Caitlyn's moved to your other knee.

With her sitting adjustment, Caitlyn continued. "I don't want you to feel like you have to be the strong one. I don't want you to feel like you can't be vulnerable with us or even disagree with us."

"Yeah, Muffin," Vi's voice broke as she spoke. "Disagree or angry, we're going to love you the same. Confrontation comes with life." Vi dragged her hand down her face. "It's shit sometimes, but you gotta work your way through it, yanno?"

A heavy sigh escaped your body. You threw your head back onto the cushions and covered your face. You sobbed behind your hands. Your heart sank; your chest tightened. That frog in your throat grew into a toad. You babbled about this morning's events and how helpless you felt.

Anyone who wasn't familiar with you wouldn't be able to decipher what you muttered behind your hands. Luckily for you, your girlfriends know you inside and out. Even if it takes them a bit to notice when something's off.

The two of them pulled you in a tight embrace. They didn't speak or make efforts to shush you as you spilled your guts to them. Vi made a conscious decision not to let her anger get the best of her.

Although, those guys had no clue what was in store for them tomorrow morning.

Caitlyn also thought about making a visit to the office, but to complain to HR about the events. Not to find the culprits and make them pay. She was sure Vi had that handled. (Caitlyn would also have to handle her later.)

When your sobs calmed and your breathing evened, Vi spoke first. "They're a couple of dicks."

Caitlyn didn't feel the need to scold her.

"They should know how to treat a human being. Guess you can't do that when you're a shitty human, huh?" Vi chuckled to lighten the mood, but there was no joy behind her laugh. Only pure rage. "I'll fuck them up for you, don't worry." Vi placed a tender kiss on the side of your head. "I'll run you a bath, mkay? You should wash the day off of you."

"What about you and Cait's argument or whatever?" You peeled your head off the cushion to look at them. Everything was blurry behind your tears, but you could make out their frames and silhouettes. "Don't you need help?"

"Taking care of you is much more important than some silly fight," Caitlyn whispered. She smoothed the area on top of your head. Her delicate fingers brushed against your ear lobe as she brought them down. Her polished fingernails carefully traced the outside of your lobe. "Vi and I are big girls. I'm sure we can figure it out."

Vi grinned. "Hey, what fight?" she winked at the both of you.

A sad chuckle left your body. For a moment, relief washed over you. Once your chuckle finished though, the heaviness came back.

"Hey," Caitlyn's hand ran down your cheek. She wiped your tears with her thumb, Vi copied. "How about we get food from your favorite restaurant? I can go pick it up while Vi prepares your bath."

"I think that's a great idea," Vi used the back of her hand to soothe the skin on your cheek. "What do you think? Does that sound good, Muffin?"

You gave them a meek shrug.

"That looks like a maybe." Caitlyn giggled. "What if I add in dessert? would it be a yes then?"

"Oh, Muffin, say yes! Say yes! She's offering dessert!" Vi grabbed onto your arm. She shook you like a kid begging their parent for ice cream.

A genuine laugh came from your throat. Finally, all the pain is released from you. You don't know what made it leave. Maybe the sound of dessert or Vi's childlike begging. Or maybe it was the fact that Caitlyn and Vi cared for you enough to sit down and work through whatever problem you were facing.

For the first time in your life, you felt safe. Truly safe. You felt as if you could freely speak your mind without the underlying fear of rejection. You could say what you want.

"Okay," you gave the both of them a slight smile. "I think that sounds nice."

"Oh, yes! I love you, I love you, I love you!" Vi wrapped her arms around your body and pulled you on top of her. She gave you a bone-crushing squeeze.

"Vi!" you laughed.

Caitlyn laughed as well. She stood up and went to put her shoes and coat on. "Don't hurt them, Vi."

"Could never, Cupcake," Vi said from under you. "Now, hurry on and fetch us our dinner, woman! Mama's hungry."

Caitlyn scoffed, smiling. "Mama? Woman? Who are you talking to right now?"

"Oop," you muttered, grinning at Vi. "You're in trouble," you taunted in a whisper.

Vi playfully narrowed her eyes at you. She glanced at Caitlyn with an innocent and playful grin. "The tallest, cutest Cupcake in the world?"

"Right," Caitlyn dragged out the word. She opened the door. "I'll be back soon. You two stay out of trouble." and with another laugh, Caitlyn left the house.

Vi hummed. "I think she secretly liked being called 'Mama'."

You perked a brow. "Sure, she did, babe... Can we go draw my bath now?"

"Can I join you?"

WC: 2,285

[inklore]

sending a little commander mills thot 💖 stopping for the night in a dark, deep cave. sharing a bed roll quickly turning into something more, as you end up on your hands and knees beneath him. there’s a rattle of stones near the entrance and his large hand is pressing over your mouth to keep you quiet - his senses on high alert for danger. but even then, mills can’t help the shallow rock of his hips - unable to resist how good you feel

warning signs

pairing: commander mills x (f)reader

word count: 1.1k+

contents: unprotected p in v, creampie, small amount of dirty talk, i didn't classify what planet they were on but threats are occurring, slight enemies to lovers, rough.

note: i'd let this man have his way with me in an open warzone and i have no shame about it because this idea has me insane.

You should have known. 

You should have known this planet would be nothing but a bad omen when you had to emergency land on it. When you lost contact, your ship deciding to stop working properly. When the only way of getting out a signal was to rig the system built within the interface of the hunk of metal. Ultimately destroying any chance of getting out of here on it but allowing you to get out a weakened signal, you hoped your home planet would come and swiftly send someone to you before this planet showed just why it was inhabitable by those who walked on two legs and didn’t prefer the taste of game. 

You should have known that Mills would be the worst person to crash land with.

Should have known he’d only raise your blood pressure and have a permanent scowl curve your brows until it gave you a headache. 

And you really should have known that he’d be this big. 

His stature alone suggesting that was more to him than broad deltoids beneath those clothes. More than just deadpan looks and side eyes of scolds and warnings behind those iris’s. Behind the moments and trips the two of you have taken together over the years. 

You should have known that his cock would stretch you like this. Making your insides burn when he thrusts inside of you. Your walls accommodating something that’s bringing you pleasure at the same time it has you mewling in pain—something big and hot and heady that’s making your fingers dig into the dirt. 

Your back arched at an angle that has your body scraping forward against the ground every time Mills snaps his hips against your ass. His cock going deeper and deeper—the tip hitting that spot inside of you that makes your body want to run from him, want to escape the pleasure and the sting of him going past what your bodies used to—his nails digging into your hips. Moonshaped marks embossed in your skin as he holds your ass in place. As he refuses to let you squirm away from him.

Because you wanted this, didn’t you?

“You’ve been begging for it.” He says with a heavy breath. A groan mixed somewhere in there, you’re sure of it but can’t decipher it fully with how you sound. How the back of your hand is covered in your own drool and bite marks from trying to muffle the moans and whines coming from your mouth. 

There’s a rock under your knee that has left an imprint into your bone, has cut the skin with how your body is moving. If you focus on it hard enough, you may even feel a trickle of blood. Or the indents of stone and caked on dirt on your elbows. 

But all you can feel—all you can hear, sense, smell—is Mills and what he’s doing to you. What he’s doing to your body and how you never want him to stop. Never want to go back to the time when the two of you pretended there was nothing there. 

The thrusting of his hips imprinted on your nerve endings, and you can’t imagine a time, a moment, or a place where you don’t want him to bend you over something and take you. Have you. 

“Who knew all you needed was my cock to have you so compliant.” Mills grabs the back of your neck. His grip just as rough and embossed as the fingers at your hips. The weight of his chest drapes over you in a way that has you pushed further into the ground and your ass higher in the air, shoving his cock to the hilt, a cry falling from your lips. His name coated in a pleading whimper. 

“Next time you’re not listening to me, all I’ll have to do is fuck you, huh? Bend you over and fuck you until you’re ready to admit who’s in charge here.” 

There’s some part of your psyche that wants to fight against this. That wants to throw his words back in his face with something snide and angry, but you’re fucking pudy between his fingers, and he’s molding you into a perfect compliant hole for him. 

Into someone who wants to follow his orders just as long as they get his cock in return. 

But you still open your mouth to try to tell him just as much. To ask him to fuck you harder or agree with him, you’re not sure because it dies in your throat.

The words fall to the pit of your stomach as the both of you stop in place as your body feels the soft rumble of something moving outside of the cave. The rustling of trees, rocks, and branches being stepped on. 

“Mills,” you murmur his name. Soft enough for him to hear but apparently too loud for his liking as he shushes you. His hot breath against your ear, his hands maneuvering your legs so they’re underneath him now as he lays on top of you. The massive width of his chest makes you feel engulfed in him. 

His hair against your cheek, his breath held in his lungs just like your own. 

You try to listen. Try to hear anything approaching, growing closer to your indisposed state. The two of you not in a position to move as quickly as you should to protect yourselves. Mills not seeming to be as on edge as you are, the faith he has in himself to grab his gun quickly enough if whatever is outside moves in closer, is almost aggravating. 

Your mouth parts to tell him this, to push him off of you so the both of you won’t die while he’s still hard inside of you. 

But instead of an argument, a gasp falls from your lips as you feel Mills rock his hips against you. The tip of his cock pulled back to your entrance only to be thrust back in slow, and agonizingly sharp all in one quick rock. 

“Mi-” his palm presses against your mouth, silencing you.

“Shhh,” he whispers against your ear. “Can’t tell you how long I’ve been needing this, to fuck you.” His heavy breath and the deep timber of his tone as he tries to keep quiet, as he speaks the words for only you to hear, to know, and to feel, wash over your spine and lay achinly between your thighs where the shallow rock of his hips against your ass has your nailbeds housing rockbed as you try not to become a sobbing mess behind his hand. “You feel s’fucking good.”

And if the two of you were to die like this; with Mills rutting against you, his cock stretching you, his deep breaths and praises against your ear, your slick coating his length as you come, and his come leaking from you—leaving your pussy a warm and sticky mess as he continues to thrust inside of you even after the fact, as if he’s trying to keep all he can inside of you—then so be it. 

You’d die happy.

[yoongiseesawmp3]

bla bla bla (m) - hongjoong

part of the idol series.

summary: idol!hongjoong x staff!reader. it’s the thrill of being with someone off limits that pulls you to hongjoong. hushed conversations, discreet kisses, rushed sex. you can’t let anyone else at the company know that this has been going on so long, but the more time you spend with him the more madly in love you fall for kim hongjoong, leader of ateez.

word count: 15.6k

warnings: there’s so much smut, i’m sorry. afab reader. unprotected sex, semi unrealistic cum play, oral (f&m), mutual masturbation, hand stuff, public sex, spanking, panty gag, gendered terms and terms like slut/whore

masterlist

hongjoong is always trying something.

a new beat pad, your nerves, an outfit that’s totally out there. but you’re embarrassingly endeared by it all, and you do your best to hide it every day. being his main stylist makes that hard, though. you spend countless hours with him in close proximity to you, being his charming, artistic self, and you have to pretend not to eat it up. at least while other people are around. 

when it’s just the two of you though? he’s usually got you wrapped around his cock, either on your knees with your cheeks hollowed out for him, or bent over the nearest surface begging for mercy. doesn’t matter where or who can hear. he can’t get enough of you, and you can’t get enough of him. that’s what makes your job challenging, and exciting as hell.

today is no different. the boys are coming in for fittings of their new stage outfits for the next leg of the tour, and you’ve got all of hongjoong’s outfits hung before you in an orderly manner. you had also set out yeosang and jongho’s, being in charge of their outfits usually as well, but there’s enough staff here today for you each to help the members individually. that makes the fittings go by quicker so the boys can get back to work, and you and your team have more time to make adjustments if the boys need anything changed.

like always, hongjoong struts in right on time, carrying that confident air with him everywhere he goes. it’s not cockiness, per se, but he knows he’s the coolest person in any room he walks into. that drew you to him initially, because you also have to be the coolest person anywhere you go. that made you and hongjoong click instantly, ooo-ing and ah-ing over each others’ accessories, sharing what interesting things you did over the weekend, or what exciting things you were working on. if you had to admit it though, hongjoong is way cooler than you are. he would say the same about you, and he does today as he walks up to you and blatantly checks you out. 

“where’d you get that sweater?” he asks, handing you one of the coffees he’s holding. “it’s really cool. i like the yellow.” 

“why, you trying to copy me?” you ask, playing into this half-hearted gatekeeping you try to do with each other. you pretend to refuse, and later, when hongjoong is free, you take him to your favorite spots and he takes you to his. this sweater was actually from a boutique he told you about, but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction just yet. 

“no?” he says easily, leaning in before he continues. “if i wanted to copy you i’d just steal this the next time i’m at your place.” he pulls back, a smirk on his lips, and as you stand there slightly stunned he smacks his lips and looks to the rack of clothes next to you. “so, just start with whatever?”

“uh, no,” you say, grabbing his hand to stop him from grabbing just anything. “you should know by now i have a system. put on the new world fit, robe and all. i made some alterations and i’m not sure they’re right for your proportions.”

“i’m sure it’s fine,” he says quietly as he takes the pieces off the hanger. then, looking at you with his eyebrow quirked, “alright if i just change here?”

“go ahead,” you motion, turning slightly to give him some privacy. you see the rest of the boys in various states of undress, san giving you an awkward little smile before he pulls his shirt off. you see a flash of jongho’s bare legs in one of the changing areas, and you’re pretty sure mingi accidentally pulled his boxers down as he took off his outside pants, but you won’t comment on it. hongjoong clearing his throat brings you back to your task, and you turn around to see he’s followed your directions, hood up and everything. you smile as he pretends to use the force, he must be spending too much time with seonghwa. ignoring him you ask, “how’s the length?”

“hm?” he asks, looking at you with a glint in his eye. you hold his gaze for a moment, challenging him to take it further. eventually you just motion to the end of the robe, asking “how’s the hem? i took it in a couple inches so you won’t trip over it anymore.”

“i wasn’t tripping over it,” he grumbles as he takes the hood down, looking at the hem anyway. “..but it is better, thank you.”

“good, now take it off.”

“cheeky.”

“just the robe,” you roll your eyes. “let me see the top.”

“it feels tighter,” he comments, flexing his arms slightly. “did you take this in too?”

“no,” you shake your head. “i might have to let it out, i heard you’ve been exercising a lot recently.” another shared look, both of you daring the other to crack. yes, hongjoong has been working out lately, but that’s just so he can get more creative with you in the sack. he’s been so insistent on trying a position that requires him to hold you up the whole time, so you told him you’d do it if he bulked up first. you’re both surely thinking of this promise currently, but wooyoung’s voice cuts through the moment.

“hey hyung, you are getting more muscle,” he says with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “it’s kinda sexy.”

“is it?” hongjoong asks, turning to you for confirmation. you make a face as you reply.

“eh, kinda. it’d be sexier if it didn’t create more work for me to do,” you sigh, and hongjoong rolls his eyes. as you move in closer to retake some of his measurements, just to check, he whispers low enough just for you to hear. 

“you know you like it,” he says. “what did you call them the other day? my big beefy arms?”

“and your tits,” you reply back, just as quiet, your measuring tape struggling to hold in your grasp as you measure the stretch over his chest. “your tits are nice and big now too.”

“if only there was a way for yours to get bigger,” he tsks, and you laugh as you push him back, instructing him to try on another outfit. there’s plenty that don’t need changes, or he can just look at the alterations (a new button here, a deeper pocket for the mic pack there) and give his okay to the changes. finally, you get to one of the last outfits, what you call his fireworks fit. 

“put these on,” you say, holding up a new pair of leather pants. “you wore the old ones out, but i couldn’t find the exact pair we had the first time. let me see if these look alright.”

“is this necessary?” he whines. “you know i hate getting into these.”

“yeah, but it’s so worth it when you are,” you tease, licking your lips dramatically, earning a laugh from jongho next to you. he finished a few minutes ago, not much of his wardrobe needing to be changed. he asks you a quick question about some shoes, and you make a note to get him a size up next time. when you’re done, hongjoong is dressed, eyeing himself in the mirror next to you. you walk up behind him, adjusting the shoulder seams of his top before you say quietly, “your little booty just looks so good in these.”

“little?!” he twirls around, eyes wide and offended. you can’t help the cackle you let out, surprised your comment would affect him so much. he tries to hush you, but the remaining members and stylists eye you both suspiciously. wooyoung looks like he’s about to say something when hongjoong cuts him off, “mind your business, jung.”

“you’re being loud, kim.”

“respect your elders!” hongjoong shouts back, and you can tell this session is gonna derail quickly. you place your hands on hongjoong’s shoulders, guiding him to the changing area so he’ll be out of wooyoung’s splash zone. once you’re both settled behind the curtain, hongjoong smiles down at you. “hey.”

“hey,” you say half hearted, eyes focusing on fixing the way the shirt lays on his chest. “i don’t like the way this looks, it falls like this and that’s sloppy to me-”

“y/n,” hongjoong whispers, and you stop to meet his eyes. he smiles at you again, brighter this time, and tries once more. “hi beautiful.”

“hey handsome,” you say, relaxing into him. you lay your head on his chest briefly, his hands coming up to cup yours. “i’m exhausted.”

“me too,” he sighs, bringing your hands to his lips. he presses soft kisses to your knuckles as he continues. “wish you could come over tonight, but i think some of the managers are catching on.”

“we wouldn’t do much sleeping if i came over anyway,” you say suggestively, and he chuckles, the low rumble warming your cheeks as your head nuzzles further into his chest. 

“yeah, but that’s the thing,” he starts. “can’t tell if i’m not sleeping well because i’m not fucking you till the sun comes up, or if it’s cause you’re not sleeping next to me.” he sighs, playing with your fingers as he goes on. “guess we’ll just have to wait for the weekend though. you still free saturday?”

“yep,” you nod. “i’m all yours.”

“that’s what i like to hear,” he smirks, pecking you quickly. “we better get back out there, i don’t want wooyoung on my ass too.”

“you gotta stop arguing with him when i’m around,” you say, and hongjoong stops to look at you questioningly. “because i’m not afraid of him and i’ll give him a nice little sucker punch if he gives you too much trouble.”

“don’t mind him, sugar,” he says before placing a kiss to the top of your head. “he just likes getting a reaction out of people, so if you punched him that’d just encourage him to do it again.”

“he’s a weird one.”

“yeah,” hongjoong sighs, his lips still planted in your hair. you can barely hear him breathe in, and then he asks, “are you using a new shampoo?”

“no?” you ask, pulling back. “why?”

“you smell different,” he scowls. 

“baby,” you smile, cupping his cheek. “i think it’s because i’ve been at my house so much recently. i’m just using my regular shampoo, not yours, or whatever the guys have in the showers.” 

“don’t like that,” he shakes his head. “i’ll see if i can sneak you in later tonight.”

“hongjoong, i-” 

“no, babe, i miss you,” he says sternly. “you’re coming over, no excuses.”

“ok,” you say, defeated. “just text me when the coast is clear.”

-

you get a text around 10pm that hongjoong is finally at the dorm (”sorry, my bad, i started a new song and-”) so you head over soon after that. you’re not sure if tomorrow’s one of those days you might have to sneak out before the crack of dawn, so you don’t want to waste a minute of your time with hongjoong. 

as you make the short trip to his, your mind wanders to this whole set up you have. sneaking around, having to worry about when you need to leave his house so no one sees you, it’s tiring. sometimes you’d like to go over to your boyfriend’s house just because. or whatever it is hongjoong is to you. because a boyfriend isn’t someone you hide away with to steal some kisses or creep around with in the wee hours of the night. you should bring this up to him, at least voice your concerns - what could you both really do about it though? no matter what you say to him your situation would be the same, so might as well keep things the way they are. because things are nice. hongjoong is sweeter than anyone you’ve been with before, and you’re afraid of maybe someday having to find someone else who makes you feel the way he makes you feel. 

you’re still pondering what you could possibly say to him as you walk into the familiar building, making your way up to his floor. as you get closer to the boys’ dorm, you’re met with a wonderful smell. wooyoung must have cooked dinner, and you hope they saved you some, you were starving. you barely have to knock on the door before hongjoong is tearing it open to cover you in kisses, starting at your forehead and spazzing his way down to your lips. when you finally meet in a soft kiss, you smile into his lips and he does the same, pulling back just long enough to look at you as he grabs you by the cheeks, and then he’s kissing you again gently. 

“i missed you,” he says into your mouth, making you chuckle.

“because it’s been so long,” you say with a roll of your eyes, wrapping your hands around the back of his neck to play with the hair on the back of his head. “how’s the song? better than the one you started yesterday?”

“baby,” he groans. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to keep you waiting that long, i just was-”

“inspired, i know,” you smile softly. “i’m glad you got to work on it. i just hope i can hear this one, unlike all the others you’ve been hiding from me lately.”

“they’re not good enough yet,” he sighs. “and you know i have to do everything in my power to impress you.”

“well don’t try so hard,” you whisper, kissing him sweetly. “it doesn’t take much.”

“i’ll start tomorrow,” he says with a cheeky smile, sliding his hands to your shoulders to spin you around, facing their living room. you were right, there was food, but hongjoong had set their living room up to look like a fancy restaurant, candles laid out and flowers on the coffee table amidst all the food. it takes your breath away, and hongjoong watches you proudly as he waits for a response.

“joongie,” you melt, turning back to him and wrapping him in a tight hug. “why’d you do this?”

“wanted you to have something nice,” he shrugs like it’s nothing. “you’ve been working a lot this week, thought it’d be nice for you to get pampered a little.”

“well i love it,” you say as he guides you to the couch. he hands you your favorite blanket from his room, and you quickly wrap yourself in it as he makes your plate. “wooyoung helped?”

“yes,” hongjoong groans. “god, he’s never teased me so much before. i almost made him stop and put me out of my misery, but seeing you happy like this made it worth it.”

“aw, how sweet,” you coo as you take the plate he’s holding out for you. “thank you, really. i don’t know how to tell you how much this means to me.”

“save it,” he smiles shyly. “it’ll just embarrass us both.”

“but you’re cute when you’re embarrassed,” you say through a mouthful of food. “fuck, this is good. wooyoung is a genius.”

“damn, do i need to learn how to cook now?”

“well you should learn anyway,” you say, pointing an accusing fork in his direction. “but it’s sweet that you’re jealous.”

“am not.”

“are too. now eat your food so we can make out some more.”

once the food is cleared (you and hongjoong are both very adamant about cleaning up after yourselves) you go back to the couch, but hongjoong pulls you to sit in his lap. his hands settle on your waist as your legs fall to the outside of his thighs, and you place your hands on his shoulders, pinching his cheek for good measure. he pinches your ass in retaliation, and that’s all the encouragement you need to dive back into his lips. you spend some time lost in each other like this, slowly making out, and you let your hips roll experimentally. hongjoong tightens his hold on you, keeping you in place, and you whine.

“sorry sugar,” he sighs. “all the boys are home, and seonghwa’s asleep already. i can’t kick him out tonight, so don’t make me hard.”

“i can’t stop you from popping a boner-”

“you can behave and not do anything to make it worse though,” he scolds, and you’re quiet long enough for him to dip back down to your lips, his tongue caressing yours. you moan into his mouth, and you feel his dick twitch beneath you.

“see? i didn’t even mean to get that reaction,” you pout, and hongjoong kisses it away. 

“maybe we should just watch a movie then,” he says, looking around for the remote. you stop him, grabbing his face by the chin. he looks at you challengingly as he waits for you to speak.

“it’s late,” you say, and he nods. “so everyone is probably asleep.”

“yeah babe, i said hwa was asleep in-”

“no no, forget him,” you say. “everyone’s asleep? so we have the living room to ourselves?” 

“oh,” hongjoong finally realizes, stammering as he continues. “uh, i mean, yeah, we could, but...”

“but what?”

“all my condoms are in my room,” he whispers, almost like if he says it quietly it won’t bother you. 

“oh,” you sigh. “well, just hand stuff then. take your pants off.”

“no, you!” you hop up easily, pulling your pants down and grabbing hongjoong’s blanket. you drape it over yourself as he pulls his pants and boxers down quickly, encasing you both in the fabric as you sit back in his lap. your clothed core just barely brushes his tip and he jerks, making you smile. 

“and you said we should just watch a movie,” you smirk, spitting in your hand before reaching for hongjoong’s cock. he watches your every move with an animalistic look in his eye, like he wants to devour you whole. both of you focus your gaze to hongjoong’s lap, your hand carefully wrapping around him and using your spit to get him slick. you have to spit again, partly because it’ll help and also because you know it drives hongjoong crazy when you make a mess, so you do it and your hand returns to its place around his cock. you stroke him a few times, trying to get him hard quickly. he thinks you’re just trying to get him off faster, so he tsks and pulls you further up his lap so his cock is almost laying on top of your cunt. it gives him a better angle to pull your panties aside, slowly pushing one finger into your slick to check how wet you are. 

“needy baby,” he sighs, feeling the way your cunt swallows his digit tightly. “always ready for me, huh?”

“always,” you whine, grinding up to get more friction. hongjoong removes his hand completely, but you keep stroking him steadily. his hand moves up to your clit, using your wetness to drag over it lazily. you buck up again and he uses his free hand to hold you down, but in this position he’s still the one trapped under you. you can’t help but arch up as hongjoong dips two fingers back to your core, fucking into you slowly and scissoring his fingers open deep inside you. 

“taking my fingers so good baby,” he breathes out, focusing hard on not fucking your hand wildly as he gets harder. “doing so good for me, make me feel so good.”

“want your cock, joong,” you pout, and he shakes his head. 

“you’ve got it, sugar,” he says, bucking up into your hand to mark his words. “what more do you need?”

“need you inside,” you whisper, and his cock twitches at the idea of taking you raw. “i felt that baby, i know you want it, please just a little bit, please-”

“y/n, you sure?” hongjoong asks, and you meet eyes. you nod, affirming with a hushed “yes” that this is okay, that this is something you’ve wanted for quite some time now but you didn’t know how to say. hongjoong holds your gaze a little longer before going back to your core, fucking into you relentlessly now with three fingers. “guess i gotta get you ready then. you gotta be quiet for me though, can you do that?”

“mhm,” you whisper, trying to prove how good you’ll be starting now. once hongjoong’s satisfied with how open you are, he slides his fingers out and replaces your hand over his cock. he strokes himself once, twice, before holding your panties farther away so he can slide into your weeping cunt. you cry out at the warm feeling of him, and he groans at the feeling of you clenching around him without any protection. he knows this should be off limits, but now that he’s had a taste he can’t have you any other way. he keeps pushing until he’s sheathed fully inside you, he gives you a second to adjust, your arms falling to his biceps. you squeeze his arms tightly, telling him it’s alright to keep going. he pulls you off of him almost completely, just the tip still nestled inside your walls, and then he pulls you back down on his lap, pulling a shriek from deep in your chest. your hands fly to your mouth, heart pounding at the thought of waking the boys and because of the dark look hongjoong’s giving you.

“i said be quiet,” he warns, and you start to defend yourself but he quiets you with his hand covered in your slick, he offers you his fingers, and you know to suck and clean them off. you can taste some of his precum too, and you moan softly at the taste. while you’re distracted by your new task, hongjoong pulls back again and thrusts shallowly into you, rocking you over his lap so his cock just buries into you deeper and deeper. you’re moaning around his fingers, grateful they’re muffling some of your sounds, otherwise hongjoong would stop and leave you to get yourself off. 

“mmf,” you mumble around his fingers, and he pulls them from your mouth, a line of saliva falling from their tips and coating your chin. hongjoong jolts at the sight, pulling another little cry from your lips. “my clit, play with my clit, please.”

“you’re that close?” hongjoong asks, and you nod frantically as you start bouncing on his cock, feeling him deep in your stomach. he places a hand at your hip, his thumb pointed down so he can capture your clit with every bounce of your hips. you try your best to keep your moans to a minimum, but when you collapse on hongjoong’s chest, too tired to keep riding him, he forgets why you were even trying to be quiet in the first place. his hands grab your hips firmly, his own high just around the corner, and he fucks you hard and fast, making you shake above him. you cry out one last time, your walls clenching around him so hard it’s impossible for him to move. when you start coming down, your hole spasming around his cock, he comes, trying his best to pull out before he gets too much inside you but you stop him.

“no, baby, please it’s okay,” you assure him, and he freely let’s go, your cunt pumping him for every last drop of come. when he pulls out, some of it dribbles onto your outer lips and hongjoong tries his best to file that image away for the nights you can’t see each other. you slump into his shoulder, breathing slowing down, and hongjoong can tell you’re about to go to sleep.

“nope,” he says, pushing you up. “let’s get you cleaned off.”

“leave it,” you mumble into his shoulder. “can’t move. sleep here.”

“you gonna form a full sentence any time soon?” hongjoong jokes, and you shake your head. 

“just pull my panties up,” you say, finally sitting up enough to assess the damage. your pussy is covered in his release, more dripping out of your hole, and you both watch as you clench to stop it from dripping further. the sight alone has you both ready to go again, but it’s late.

“keep this safe for me then, yeah?” he asks, covering your stained pussy with your panties, and you push his shoulder pathetically. 

“gross.”

“i mean it, i’m gonna check tomorrow and i expect to see every drop-”

“hongjoong!” you whine, a smile threatening to give you away. “stop talking. just lay down with me, yeah?”

-

you fell asleep on the couch, which, in hindsight, was a bad idea for a lot of reasons. the worst one is the situation you find yourself in right now, hongjoong asleep on top of you, wrapped up in each other’s arms, and the front door opening to reveal a manager. hongjoong has enough time to poke his head above the couch (thankfully it hides you, for the most part), and he rushes to cover the rest of you with his blanket. he plays it off like he’s straightening up, waving to the manager at the door checking his phone. the boys had to rehearse soon for the tour, so hongjoong goes to grab the other guys and you lay as still and quiet as possible on the couch. 

one by one, the members make their way out of their rooms, doing a good job of not noticing you. yeosang does though, face showing shock at the pair of eyeballs staring at him between the cushions. the manager asks if he’s alright and he plays it off, and you think you’ve made it through. it’s just joong and seonghwa left, and you see hongjoong leave next, doing his best to convey something to you with his eyes but you can’t pick up on it. seonghwa comes out last, pretending like he’s looking for something. 

“what’s wrong?” the manager asks, and seonghwa explains he’s missing his phone. 

“one of the guys might have taken it down to the cars, do you mind checking for me? i’ll look up here and come down if i find it,” he asks, and the manager reluctantly leaves. a few seconds after the door closes, seonghwa looks at you. “hey y/n.”

“hey seonghwa.”

“had a good night?” he asks, and you shrug. 

“it was alright,” you say nonchalantly, sitting up to stretch out. “so what’s the move?”

“we’re going to a rehearsal space for a couple hours,” he explains. “wait maybe thirty minutes and then you can head out, hongjoong will see you later when we get back to the company and i’m sure he’ll do or say something despicable to you.”

“can’t wait,” you yawn, falling back down on the couch to sleep a little longer before you can leave.

-

so, you fell asleep. like for a long time. you woke up to the sound of your phone ringing, and your heart drops to your ass when you see it’s someone from kq. you realize you’re about an hour late, which is so cool and so fun. you scramble off the couch, rushing into the bathroom to attempt to make yourself look like you’re not making a walk of shame into the office. then you notice your clothes, you’re in sweats and a hoodie, so not necessarily work appropriate. you internally scream and head to hongjoong’s room, hoping he has some clean clothes you can change into for work. you do your best to find clothes that are inconspicuous, like if someone with a keen eye looked at you they wouldn’t notice you’re wearing hongjoong’s clothes. you head out the door once you’re satisfied with the look (a sweater you’ve been wanting to “borrow” with a collared shirt underneath that still smells like joong and black slacks) and take out your phone to make an excuse for being late. you have to stop by a designer’s shop to pick up some sample pieces for their next comeback, so you assure your coworker you got caught up at the shop and you’re coming back to the offices soon. you just cross your fingers and toes that’ll satisfy them and save your ass.

-

hongjoong spent the morning worried, because he’s never had such a close call before. it was stupid of him to let you both fall asleep on the couch, and he’s been beating himself up about it since. but he makes himself feel even worse when the boys get back to the company and he can’t find you anywhere. you’re never late, so hopefully you’re just hidden away working hard somewhere. hongjoong hopes that’s it, and not that you overslept because he’s got a million reasons in his mind over how that could be his fault. he just goes to a rehearsal room with mingi to pass the time, going over their parts together to clean everything up for tour. 

about an hour later, hongjoong steps out to grab a water and his ears perk up at your voice. he hears you down the hall, your voice carrying from a slightly cracked door in the office area. he quietly walks closer, not eavesdropping exactly, just choosing intentionally to get water from the fountain next to that office rather than the one right outside the practice room. as he stands there he catches the faintest trace of a conversation. 

“so you understand why we can’t risk this happening anymore,” the other staff says sternly, and hongjoong thinks you must be getting reprimanded for being late. he starts berating himself again, thinking it’s all his fault, when he hears you speak. 

“i understand,” you respond, your voice shaking. weird, hongjoong thinks. you’re good at keeping your cool at work. what could make you this upset? 

he doesn’t have time to ponder that for long, because the conversation wraps up and he hears shuffling from the office. he scurries back to the hallway he came from so he won’t get caught snooping, but he turns back just in time to catch you walking away quickly, wiping at your face. were you crying? then he catches the eye of the staff standing to the side, and she gives him a pointed look, tight-lipped with a warning in her eyes. hongjoong almost feels a shiver run down his spine, but he shakes it off and goes back to practice, shooting you a quick text to make sure you’re okay.

the next break he gets, he leaps for his phone and sees that you haven’t replied. he tells mingi he’s stepping out again, and he nods, saying he might go grab food with the members before they continue. hongjoong waves him off, trying to figure out if he should text you again or just go find you. he opts for the second one, and he has to wander a little to figure out where you are. he checks your office, nothing. understandable, considering you’re having a bad day. then he looks at the balcony, because that’s your go to hideaway in the office. still nothing. he finally finds you in the last place he’d think to check, the wardrobe room. surrounded by years of stage outfits, donated pieces, and looks curated for each member, he sees you hidden in a rack of old kingdom outfits. you look up at the sound of his footsteps, giving him a half hearted smile as he gets closer. 

“hi sugar,” he says softly. “what’s going on?”

“bad day,” you shrug. “sorry i’ve been mia.”

“s’okay,” he tells you, hand coming up to rub your back. “have you eaten?”

“not yet,” you shake your head. “haven’t had time. i overslept, and uh, got into some trouble. so a lunch break isn’t really in my schedule today.” something about the way you said that makes hongjoong think there’s something you’re leaving out, but he doesn’t push it.

“i can go grab you something?” he offers. “i was probably gonna go to 7/11, do you want some snacks? that way you don’t have to stop and eat, you can just eat as you work.”

“okay,” you nod, and hongjoong smiles. he’s about to leave when he allows himself to sweep his eyes over you, and his smile grows as he notices you’re decked out in his clothes.

“you thief,” he says, and you chuckle. a small victory, considering hongjoong can tell you had been crying at some point. “went shopping in my closet, hm?”

“i didn’t have time to go home and change,” you explain. “so i had to pull some stuff out of the archive and prevent the world’s worst walk of shame.”

“well you look cute,” he says, coming closer. “sexy, actually. i love it when you wear my clothes.”

“really?” you ask, a glimmer in your eyes. “how sexy?”

“depends,” hongjoong replies, “let me see your panties.”

“joong!” 

“no, baby, remember what i said last night?”

“oh, when you were being nasty?”

“yeah,” he says, and you roll your eyes. “show me.”

“hongjoong-”

“y/n,” he warns, and you slowly pull your pants down, followed soon after by your stained panties. hongjoong knocks your legs further apart before he falls to his knees, and you gasp, trying to pull him back up.

“kim hongjoong, stop that right now,” you hiss. “someone could come in here.”

“no they can’t, i locked the door,” he says, his hands sliding around your waist to grab you by the ass. he looks at your pussy, still dirty from the night before, and he sighs. “you’re perfect for me, baby,” he whispers, admiring the way your pussy clenches at his words. he’s too focused on your cum stained lips to notice the way your eyes well up at the complicated things you’re feeling, but before you can get caught up in your thoughts hongjoong swipes his tongue between your lips to distract you. he groans at the taste of himself lingering on your cunt, and he dives back in to clean you up. his hands on your ass help him grind you onto his tongue, and you let out a shaky moan when he swipes over your clit. he stays there, alternating between light kitten licks that make your legs jolt or harsh sucks that send a strike of electricity straight through you. hongjoong is relentless, playing with your clit before kissing and sucking his way down to your entrance, admiring the way your slick has coated your lips for him. “you’re delicious,” he growls, tongue slurping obscenely at your entrance, and your legs buckle at the feeling. he holds onto you tighter, trying to keep you up while he fucks his tongue into you. 

“hongjoong, too much,” you whine. “‘m gonna come.”

“good,” he grumbles, detaching from you long enough to look up at you between your legs. “that’s kinda the point, sugar.”

“but-”

“stop talking,” he orders, kissing right on top of your clit. “just enjoy it baby.” he holds his thumb up to you, and you take it in your mouth, swirling your tongue around the warm digit. hongjoong brings it down to your clit, drawing lazy circles on your bundle of nerves as he goes back to making out with your cunt. it’s getting harder for you to stand on your own, so you grip your hands into his hair for some leverage. you’re grinding down into his face, your arousal coating his chin as he eats you like a man starved. you’re staring down at him, mesmerized, and when his eyes flick up to meet yours it sends you over the edge. you let out a choked moan, and hongjoong buries his tongue in your cunt to collect every drop of your release. when he’s satisfied that you’re done, he slowly pulls away from you, wiping his chin with the back of his hand. he stands and brings your pants back up for you, helping you get dressed again before he leaves.

“i thought you were getting our lunch,” you say breathlessly, and hongjoong smirks like the devil as he responds.

“i can’t get that at 7/11.”

-

you spend the rest of the day keeping your distance from hongjoong, which isn’t hard considering both of your schedules. you’ve got to start packing tour outfits, and he’s in back to back rehearsals until late tonight. you stay after everyone else on your team leaves just to make up for the time you lost this morning, and you’re running through the building trying to keep up with all your packing lists. there’s a pair of shoes missing, and if san left them in the rehearsal room again you’re gonna kill him. so you’re running from room to room trying to find these boots, and as you take a corner too fast you literally run into hongjoong. 

“whoa, where’s the fire sugar?” he asks with a smirk as he steadies you, admiring the way you’ve pulled your hair back to keep it out of your face. you were going to respond, but you see a manager poke his head out of a rehearsal room so you duck away, mumbling to hongjoong about the shoes. he’s left confused, but just writes it off as you being stressed. he figures he’ll have time to ask about it tonight.

except, he doesn’t get a chance to do that. you end up leaving shortly after your literal run-in with joong, and you shoot him a text that you’ll be going to sleep as soon as you get home which is basically code for bye, see you tomorrow, please don’t text me and wake me up. hongjoong’s feelings are a little hurt, but again, he knows how stressful work is right now, it’s just as bad (if not worse) for him, so he takes this as a night of rest and decides to bother you double time tomorrow.

when it’s finally time for the guys to leave, hongjoong finds seonghwa and waits with him for their car. hongjoong immediately opens your texts, wanting to tell you he’s on the way home, but then he remembers you’re already asleep and puts his phone up.

“y/n coming over tonight?” hwa asks through a yawn. 

“nope,” hongjoong replies curtly. “we both need our rest.”

“gross.”

“not like that. well, a little but that’s not the reason. y/n had a long day today so i’m sure this extra sleep is needed,” joong explains, and hwa nods.

“yeah, i heard one of the managers saying she got quite the talking to this morning,” seonghwa says, side-eying hongjoong. “any idea what that was about?”

“no,” hongjoong shakes his head. “we didn’t talk much today. busy, you know.”

“well, i just know i’d be shitting bricks if my girlfriend was over and a manager walked in on us cuddled up on the couch,” hwa mumbles, and hongjoong bucks up at his words.

“y/n isn’t my girlfriend,” he says, sounding unsure even as he says it. “we’re...friends. close friends-”

“who suck and fuck every chance they get?” hwa asks, eyebrows raised. “not to mention the sappy way you talk to her,  and the way you look at her like she makes all the flowers grow.” 

“what? i do not,” hongjoong scoffs.

“do too.”

“stop that,” joong grumbles. “i don’t know what..this..is, honestly. i just know i really care for y/n.”

“then maybe you should be more careful about being seen by other staff,” seonghwa warns. “i’m just saying, if they had to get rid of someone because they find out you two are canoodling, it wouldn’t be you.”

“yeah,” hongjoong says, lost in thought. was that why you were off today? had the manager this morning noticed something, and gone on to snitch about it? hongjoong’ll wring his neck if that’s the case, but he knows for sure he needs to talk to you asap. he needs to know what’s going on, right now. 

-

before your alarm even goes off the next day, you’re pulled out of your sleep by your phone constantly ringing. you thought you heard it in your dreams, going off once then going silent. then it went off again, pulling you out of your sleep, confused. then it rang again and that’s when you realized it was actually happening, so you reach for it and answer.

“hello?” you ask groggily.

“open the door,” hongjoong says on the other end.

“hongjoong?”

“yeah, it’s me, come let me in,” he says quickly, then adds, “pretty please.”

“hongjoong, i-”

“please, y/n,” he says again. “i need to know what’s going on.”

“ok, just a second.”

soon, hongjoong is sitting at your kitchen table, watching as you move around making your morning coffee. like always, you make his first even though he didn’t ask for one, and when you finally have your own cup you take a seat across from him. 

“so,” you start. “what’s up? why’d you come here so early?”

“what happened yesterday?” he asks. “like really happened. i heard you in a meeting, and when i found you in the storage room it looked like you had been crying. and then not wanting to see me last night...” he trails off, looking back up at you. “what’s going on?”

“um,” you clear your throat. “well, uh, so. apparently kq has been onto us for sometime. they’ve all had their suspicions, some managers said suddenly you were a lot happier and less mean-”

“whoa, i’m not mean!”

“their words not mine,” you clarify, and keep going. “they said they could tell a difference in you, after...uh, after i was assigned to be your main stylist. and then they just noticed us getting closer, i guess? so when the manager walked in on us yesterday, he saw, um, he saw my stuff by the door, and that’s when he went higher up and told them there might be something going on. when i was late on top of all that, i got called into a meeting as soon as i got to work and it was made very clear my job is on the line if i don’t stop..whatever this is.” 

“wow,” hongjoong sighs. “so, what is this?”

“hongjoong,” you whine, and his heart clenches. “i don’t want to define this right now. i just told you i could get fired if we keep this up and you’re worried about a label?”

“well, yeah,” he begins, “because if we’re just messing around then that’s harder for us to defend if we get in trouble again, but if you’re actually my girlfriend then-”

“you don’t get it joong,” you cut him off. “it was very clear that i was the only one in trouble. they never even mentioned you yesterday, the entire time it was just about what i’ve done wrong by getting involved with you. you’re safe, i’m the one they can kick out if they see me as a threat.”

“you’re not a threat though,” he says quietly. “you’re my y/n.”

you reach across your little kitchen table, squeezing his hand in yours. you hold his gaze, his eyes hopeful, and sadly he notices that your eyes tell a different story. 

“i’m sorry, hongjoong, but..i can’t do this,” you say shakily. “i need this job. i love this job. and i don’t want to do anything to risk that, not right now. i’m..i’m sorry.” hongjoong holds your gaze for a moment longer, but he can tell your mind is made up. he softly slips his hand out of yours, puts his dirty mug in the dishwasher, and then walks out the front door. 

-

you didn’t realize how hard it would be to watch hongjoong walk away like that, but you knew it would be hard facing him at work with the way things had to end. a couple days after he stomped out of your apartment, you find yourself doing the final fitting for their tour outfits, the adjustments made and needing one final look. you’ve got hongjoong to your left and yeosang to your right, but they’re the only two you have to take care of today. jongho with his perfect proportions didn’t need any changes save for a new pair of shoes, and he’s already tried those on. 

you don’t want to get too close to hongjoong (either from fear of attraction or the fear that you’ll internally combust) so you spend a lot of time helping yeosang and catching up with him, asking him about the tour and just being friendly, nothing more. but hongjoong watches on, stewing silently as he tries on piece after piece, just barely grunting out your name to get your approval before he moves on to the next. when he’s tried the last piece, you tell him he’s free to go, and he’s out of the room faster than you can give him the all clear. you turn back to yeosang, who shrugs, saying something about how hongjoong always gets bitchy under a lot of stress. you laugh with him, knowing that’s not the only reason for joong’s sour mood, but there’s not much you can do about it now.

not long after that, hongjoong is holed up in his studio when he hears a knock at the door. he doesn’t want company, but he tells them to come in anyway. it’s seonghwa, who shuffles in and sits on the couch behind hongjoong.

“is there any reason why y/n is looking at your tour outfits all sad?” he asks.

“no?” hongjoong replies. “not my business.”

“hm,” seonghwa huffs. “since when is y/n not your business.”

“since i got dumped last night,” hongjoong replies, turning around to face his friend. “listen dude, i don’t really want to talk about it right now, ok? kind of still in the pissed off phase.”

“i heard about the meeting yesterday,” hwa says, making hongjoong groan.

“great, so now all our business is just floating around the company, that’s mature of everyone.”

“so is sleeping with your stylist.”

“hey, i wasn’t just sleeping with her, ok?” hongjoong defends himself. “like i said last night..i really care about her.”

“then what are you gonna do?”

“nothing,” hongjoong shrugs. “i tried last night, she didn’t want my help. so i guess it ends here.”

“no it doesn’t,” hwa shakes his head. “you two won’t be able to stay away from each other long.”

“thanks for having faith in me man.”

“i give you till the end of the week, tops,” hwa says. “but at the latest, before we leave for tour. i know it would piss you off to leave before you’ve cleaned this up.”

“get out of my studio.”

“don’t get mad at me cause i’m right!” seonghwa shrieks, but he stands and walks to the door anyway. “i’m just saying, if it’s worth fighting for, you should. you deserve some love. and a good lay, but if you could start keeping that to yourself i’d appreciate it.”

-

turns out hongjoong doesn’t have to worry about fixing this before they leave for tour. he heard through one of the managers that you would be coming with them, taking the place of one of the more senior stylists. and of course, the news of you and hongjoong hooking up has spread throughout the company, so you’ve been assigned to seonghwa and yeosang for the tour. getting used to the new role, and the hectic life of being on tour, you haven’t had time to stop and think how much you really miss hongjoong. your job has kept you pretty busy the first few stops, and you don’t even have time to catch his eye in the dressing rooms because you feel like you’re so all over the place. it worries hongjoong, seeing you so stressed, but he knows there’s nothing he can do about it.

he also has to watch you be all buddy buddy with seonghwa and yeosang, getting close to do touch ups on make up or fix their outfits in between stages. while he knows that’s your job, you have to do those things, he also thinks about how you chose your job over him just about every minute of every day. it’s hard for hongjoong to admit, but he was down bad for you, and he’s having a hard time adjusting. 

one night, after an off day in london, a lot of the staff went out with the guys to a lowkey restaurant. hongjoong was exhausted, but he went anyway. not because wooyoung basically begged him, but because he wanted a chance to be around you like nothing had happened. if he just happened to sit with you at dinner, that wouldn’t turn heads, would it? 

except, hongjoong is so excited by this idea he gets to the restaurant way before you. he wonders where you are, what you’ve been doing all day, would you even come to dinner at all? if he could, he would save you a seat at his table, but he can’t do that. instead he joins seonghwa and some others, scanning the menu absentmindedly until he hears the bell ding above the door. he looks up instinctively, and does a double take when he sees you. you look like you’re glowing, a couple shopping bags in tow and a new bag slung over your shoulder that hongjoong recognizes as a piece from your favorite designer’s new collection. 

“oooh, y/n, you bought us presents?” wooyoung asks, sitting next to hongjoong. he doesn’t miss the way your eyes glance over him first before looking at wooyoung to respond.

“no?” you reply. “these are all for me, you wouldn’t fit.” you approach the two tables taken up by the boys and the staff, and your eyes linger on hongjoong’s table making sure there’s no seats there before another stylist calls you over to sit next to her. you shove your bags (carefully) under the table, telling everyone sitting there that you’re not against violence if they mess with them. you settle into your seat and look up, locking eyes with hongjoong. he’s directly across from you at the other table, a window right between the members to give hongjoong a perfect view of you. you give him a tightlipped smile, heart constricting the longer you look at him. 

“nice bag,” he mouths, pointing down to your purse. you smile genuinely then, because of course he would recognize it. you had talked about getting a matching set together, something subtle but cool to signify your...bond. you still don’t know how to define whatever it was you had with hongjoong, but you need to stop reminding yourself of it before your stomach turns at the thought. you look down at the menu, trying to ignore the feeling of hongjoong’s eyes on you all night. 

-

the next day, there’s a show. you’re doing your job like normal, adjusting things here and there on yeosang’s first stage outfit, laughing at some silly joke he made. you catch yourself laughing around him a lot, not aware that he’s doing it to cheer you up. you just assume it’s yeosang being yeosang, but he sees how torn up hongjoong is so he knows you must be going through it just as bad. 

after you get yeosang and seonghwa settled into their new world robes, you head to another dressing room in search of more safety pins. you didn’t think about whose dressing room it was, you just knew the more organized stylists worked in here and you could always pilfer supplies from them. you sneak in and hover over the table by the door, expecting the room to be full and that you can just slip in and back out. but you hear someone clear their throat, and your skin runs cold when you look up and see hongjoong watching you through the mirrors on the wall. 

“hey sugar,” he says, a sad smile on his face. you whip around to face him, heartbeat accelerating as he walks closer to you. 

“hongjoong, i’m sorry, i didn’t know you were in here,” you try not to stammer out. “i just needed. um. i got what i needed. so i’ll just..go.” you try to spin back around and out the door, but hongjoong grabs your wrist too quickly, pulling you dangerously close to his chest. 

“what’s the rush?” he whispers into your ear, brushing your hair to the side.

“th-the concert, joong, you need to-”

“i need to talk to you,” he says sternly, turning you around in his arms.

“what are you doing?” you ask stubbornly, backing up to the door, which is a bad move because hongjoong just follows you until you’re caged in, his chest pressed to yours. you register the faint sound of him locking the door behind you, and your intake of breath makes him smirk. 

“having fun?” he asks calmly, and you look at him confused. “on tour? it’s your first time, it looks like you’re enjoying yourself.”

“it’s...alright,” you say tentatively. “i’m exhausted, but i like it so far.”

“that’s good,” hongjoong nods, picking up a piece of your hair and twirling it between his fingers. “and your new...assignment?” 

“are you referring to my promotion?” you ask, and you’re just a little bit satisfied by the surprised look on hongjoong’s face. “yeah, you don’t know everything, mister. they promoted me, i’m one of the head stylists now. that’s why i went on a shopping spree yesterday.”

“wow, y/n, that’s..that’s incredible, congratulations,” hongjoong stutters, and you smile at him sweetly. “i’m really happy for you. you deserve this more than anyone. really.”

“well thank you,” you mumble, your head dropping to ignore his intense stare. “so i hope you understand...why i had to...why this was my only choice.”

hongjoong lifts your chin delicately, noticing with a gasp that you’re crying. he’s quick to wipe your tears, and he moves to wrap you up in his arms. you push him away, shaking your head as you wipe at your eyes more. he carefully reaches out for your hands, bringing them down and rubbing soothing patterns over your knuckles.

“i guess i understand,” he sighs. “you’re just so smart and sexy and good at your job.” you roll your eyes, trying to pull your hands back but he holds tighter, squeezing your hands in his. “i knew you’d get a chance like this someday. but, come on, did they have to place you with seonghwa and yeosang?” 

“hongjoong you’re insufferable,” you laugh, your head falling forward to land on his shoulder. the alarms start going off in your mind when you realize what you’ve done, but they start shrieking and howling when you feel hongjoong’s hands leaving yours in favor of curling around your waist. you lift your head up to look at him and say, “you haven’t changed at all, have you?”

“hm, no?” he considers for a moment, hands sliding down to squeeze your ass teasingly. “i’m still crazy about you, so no, i have not.”

“hongjoong, we shouldn’t,” you hiss, shifting enough in his hold that you can feel how wet you are just from being this close to him again.

“but we both want to,” he says, and when you don’t disagree, hongjoong smiles the most shit eating grin you’ve ever seen. “stop me now, sugar. if you really don’t want this as much as i do, say something and i’ll stop. promise. i can walk away right now-”

“we have to be quick,” you whisper out, and hongjoong feels himself harden at the thought of you being just as needy for him as he is for you. his hands squeeze your ass one more time, then he taps your cheeks to signal for you to jump. you wrap your legs around him easily, and he puts you down on the counter in front of one of the vanities. there’s a moment where you’re both staring, unsure of what to do now that you’ve gotten this far, so you wrap your arms around his neck and say, “kiss me.”

hongjoong’s hands cup your face, pulling you up to meet him as his lips crash into yours. it’s sloppy, and in seconds you’re breathing hard into each other’s mouths, hongjoong licking at your lips to let him in. his hands brush over your chest and you gasp, granting him the access he needs to finally taste you again. he groans into your mouth, your tongue meeting his for the first time in what felt like years. he keeps playing with your chest, but he eventually gets tired of the fabric in the way and moves to take your shirt off. you have to physically push him to make him stop, and with a gasp for air you manage to say, “we can’t get undressed. you have to be onstage soon.” 

“ugh, fine,” he groans, leaning in to kiss you one more time. then, into your mouth, he growls, “i need you to turn around for me. over the vanity.” he steps back, undoing his pants as you bend over for him and pull your pants and panties down. he groans at the sight of your pussy glistening for him, and he tugs on your hair to get your attention. “look back at me. don’t look in the mirror, i want you just looking at me, ok baby?” you nod, eyes locked on his as he pumps himself a few more times before lining up at your wet entrance. “i don’t have a condom, is that ok?”

“god, hongjoong, yes, just fuck me before i regret this-” and you choke on your words as he thrusts himself fully inside, the warmth almost driving him insane. he could never forget what it feels like to be inside you, but he sure missed it. the way you clench around him, the way your ass looks delectable as he pulls out and thrusts back in, and your moans. oh god, he could come at the sound of your voice alone. once you got your voice back, you started chanting his name, your hair falling down around your face as he rocks into you repeatedly. your eyes stay on his the entire time, and he’s so overwhelmed by the feeling of you wrapped around him again that he stops inside you to take some breaths. he lifts your right leg up, placing it on the vanity with your upper body so he can get deeper. your pants and panties fall off your leg, and you stumble out of them completely to find a comfortable position. when it looks like you’re settled again, hongjoong thrusts slowly, pulling a moan from deep within your chest.

“i missed this baby, i missed you,” he breathes out before he keeps going, pounding into you at a faster pace than before. in this position, he’s hitting as deep as he can, and you’re back to a blubbering mess. you’re babbling out his name, various cuss words, and repeating everyone once in a while how he has a perfect cock. watching you fall apart around him sends hongjoong into overdrive, and he grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back to make sure you keep your eyes on him. you clench around him at the sight of his animalistic gaze, and he groans out, “fuck, keep doing that and i’ll come.”

“give it to me, please,” you beg. “please, hongjoong, please, come for me baby, i need it, please!”

“you want me to come inside you baby?” and you nod. “uh uh, need to hear you say it.”

“fuck me, fuck,” you gasp, eyes rolling to the back of your head. hongjoong pulls on your hair again to bring your attention back to him. “please baby, come inside me, wanna feel your come dripping down my pussy, please, i need it-” and then he’s coming, coating your walls with so much come he’s afraid it’ll start dripping out before he even finishes. feeling hongjoong coming inside you sets off your own release with a choked moan, and hongjoong thrusts softly to guide you both through it. when you’re done spasming around him, he pulls out carefully, his cock covered in your releases. he bends down to grab your panties, wiping himself off with the fabric. you carefully get down from the counter, feeling hongjoong’s come leaking from you already. you look down for your pants, but when you can’t find your panties you look up to him quickly.

“where are they?” you ask accusingly, and he just smiles. 

“somewhere safe,” he says seriously, and you push his arm. 

“hongjoong, give them back, i can feel you dripping out of me already-”

“then you got what you wanted, right sugar?” he asks, and you blush profusely. “if memory serves, you asked for this.”

“i hate you,” you grumble, pulling your shorts up anyway. 

“yeah, about that,” hongjoong says, and the sound of someone jiggling the door handle makes you both freeze. you grip onto hongjoong tightly, complete fear in your eyes as whoever it is keeps trying to door. hongjoong steps closer and tries to calmly ask, “who is it? i’m, uh, changing.”

“it’s me,” seonghwa replies, and you both let out a sigh of relief. “i don’t care what you’re doing, but wrap it up. five minutes to mics, dude.”

“o-ok, thanks,” hongjoong replies, and you push him toward the door. in a hushed tone, he turns to you and says, “hold on sugar, i have something to tell you.”

“we don’t really have time to talk about this hongjoong, we’re close to getting caught again, and we can’t-”

“i think i’m in love with you,” hongjoong whispers, and if it hadn’t been just the two of you in the room you would’ve missed it. you stop cold, staring at him with your mouth slightly open. 

“you’re joking,” is the only thing you can think to say.

“i’m not yeosang,” hongjoong says coldly, and you scoff. 

“you can’t just say that, joong,” you tell him. “you have to mean it-”

“you think i don’t mean it?” he asks, hurt. he watches you to try and read your expression, but you’re not giving him any context clues, so he sighs, “whatever. i love you. take it or leave it.” 

you watch as he unlocks the door and slips out, not another word or glance your way. you give it a few seconds, listening intently for the sounds of anyone outside. when you think the coast is clear, you grab the things you came here for in the first place and slip back into the hallway unnoticed. 

-

after the concert, you’re busy getting the last of seonghwa and yeosang’s outfits packed up for the next stop. like always, seonghwa stops by and asks if you need any help, but you politely decline and he hangs around anyway, telling you little stories about the show so you have some company.

“hongjoong had a really great night too,” seonghwa points out, eyeing you carefully as he goes on. “he seemed very motivated, for some reason.” 

“hm, good for him,” you hum, and then you nod to the case seonghwa is leaning on. “can you open that for me?”

“sure,” he says, helping you while he watches hongjoong walk by behind you. he doesn’t think anything of seonghwa hanging around you, that’s really the only person he doesn’t mind you being close with aside from him. he just nods at hwa and he nods back, something unspoken between them that you don’t pick up on. “did you get to see any of the show tonight? i think you would’ve liked it.”

“ah, no,” you sigh. “i was a little tired so i just rested back here. i’m sure you guys did great though.”

“hongjoong especially,” seonghwa reiterates, and you look at him apprehensively. 

“yeah, you mentioned that. listen, i should get these to the truck-”

“i’m just saying, for whatever reason, tonight of all nights, hongjoong had his best show of the tour,” seonghwa says, looking directly at you. “he’s like a changed man.”

“what are you trying to imply, seonghwa?” you finally ask. “because i don’t think i’m getting it.”

“he’s better when you’re with him!” he whisper shouts. “now i don’t totally agree with you two risking your careers over this, but he cares about you enough that he’s willing to do it. he’s a better person when you’re in his life. really in it. i think i’m the only one that knows why, but everyone noticed how different he was tonight after he suspiciously came out of a locked dressing room,” a pointed look at you. “so just think about how you want this to end up. you have to be around each other a lot anyway, so why spend it pretending you hate each other when you clearly don’t?”

you’re quiet for a moment, focusing on the clasp of the case in front of you. “didn’t know you were hongjoong’s relationship doctor.”

“oh, you’re perfect for each other,” seonghwa groans. “he told me the same thing when i tried to talk to him. don’t believe me, fine, but don’t expect a clear sign like this again. hongjoong is gonna keep his distance if you don’t make a move.” he starts walking away then, but you calling his name softly brings him back. he smiles smugly and asks, “yes?”

“um,” you clear your throat, taking a few steps closer to him so no one will overhear. “uh, do you know if he’s got his own room tonight?”

“my stuff’s already in with yunho and san,” seonghwa replies. “because i am a good friend, not a relationship doctor. you two need to do the doctor part yourselves, i am simply the kind soul who doesn’t want to see two people he cares about be miserable for the rest of forever.”

“you’re so giving,” you tease, and then genuinely, “thank you. we’ll talk tonight.”

“good luck,” seonghwa smiles at you before he leaves.

-

back at the hotel, you spent quite some time cleaning yourself up. you weren’t stalling on purpose, but you kept finding things to do before you went to hongjoong’s room. you know he stays up late, so you have time, but you need to pull the band aid off and just go. you’d like to have an idea of what to say when you see him, but when you think about it your mind just becomes a tangled mess. as you get ready to leave, an idea pops into your head, and you take care of that quickly before heading a few floors up to hongjoong’s room. 

you took the elevator further down the hallway, so hopefully any other staff still heading to their rooms won’t see you on the main elevator. you have to walk a little farther to hongjoong’s room though, so you have plenty of time for your heart to start racing the closer you get. as you reach up to knock on his door, it feels like your heart will beat out of your chest at any moment, but seconds later when hongjoong opens the door, it completely calms. he smiles, unsure of what he’s seeing as he starts to speak, but you cut him off with a soft, “surprise?”

“it sure is,” he says, leaning against the doorframe. he looks you up and down, all cozy in the hotel robe but still with your battered keroppi slippers on your feet. “to what do i owe the pleasure?”

“i think we need to talk,” you tell him. “can i come in?”

“listen, y/n, i said everything i needed to say,” he replies. “if you have anything to add, you can tell me right here.”

“well,” you start, and he’s watching your face intently, not noticing your hands trailing down to the belt of the robe. “it’s kinda cold out here, i’m feeling a draft,” you say as you undo the belt, pulling one side of the robe back so hongjoong can see you don’t have anything on underneath. “can i come in now?”

“you’re gonna kill me,” he whispers, hand reaching out to grip your bare waist as he pulls you into the room with him. he closes the door quietly behind him, and you stay close by so you can grab his hand when he’s done. wordlessly, you take him to the bed you assume is his and stand before it. more of the robe has fallen open, and hongjoong blatantly checks you out. “alright. your turn to talk.”

“i...can’t,” you start, and hongjoong looks on with a hurt in his eyes that you wish you could fix. "i’m not good with words, so i’ve been wracking my brain for what to say and i can’t come up with anything good.”

“you could say you love me back,” hongjoong mutters, and you groan at his words, grabbing his hands. 

“hongjoong, please,” you whine. “i can’t put into words how i feel, so i wanted to show you.”

“show me?” he asks, intrigued. “show me how?”

“well,” you sigh, playing with his fingers. “what do you want to do with me?” 

“sugar, what i want to do with you would take me days,” he warns. 

“hm, we only have a couple of hours. what do you want to start with?” you ask teasingly, staring at him patiently. you can see him working through this in his head, and you desperately hope he doesn’t tell you to leave. 

“on your knees for me,” he finally says, and you obey instantly. you sink down in front of him, your robe falling off your shoulders and pooling around you. “good girl. hands in your lap, that’s it, and keep them there. want you to watch, no touching.”

“hongjoong, what-”

“ah ah,” he tsks, undoing his pants. “you’re gonna watch me get off, because this is what you wanted right? you didn’t want us to be together anymore, and we can’t touch if we’re not together.”

“baby, please,” you beg. “what happened in the dressing room then?” 

“what happened in the dressing room was a mistake,” he says, and you feel a pang in your chest as he pulls his boxers down just enough to free his half hard cock. he starts stroking himself as he goes on, “unless you want to talk about it?”

“i-i don’t know...”

“right,” he hums, picking up speed as he gets harder. “guess you just have to sit there then. thanks for the pretty view, sugar.” he punctuates his words with a step closer to you, his tip dangerously close to your lips. all you’d have to do is lean forward just a little to take him in you mouth and- “stop that,” he says from above you, watching intently. “look up at me, don’t be so cock hungry.”

you whimper at his words, looking up to his sharp eyes. he winks at you when your eyes meet, and when he starts meeting his pumping hand with little thrusts you watch as his face contorts into pleasure, a moan slipping past his lips. you even catch the slightest hint of a smirk after because he’s enjoying himself so much. while his eyes are locked on yours, an idea pops into your head, and you wriggle your hips just enough to spread your legs below you. to hongjoong it just looks like you’re getting comfortable. as he focuses on your chest and how your nipples are reacting to the cold air, he misses the way your hand trails down to your core to meet your dripping folds. you rub your middle finger through your slick and make a swipe at your clit, a quiet moan traveling up through your chest. hongjoong stops immediately, glaring down at you as he watches you play with yourself. he’s stopped fucking his hand and the only noise in the room is the sound of your quickened breath and the mess between your legs. 

“what are you doing?” he asks calmly.

“nothing,” you reply with a shaky breath, slipping a finger inside your entrance to stroke at your walls. “why’d you stop?”

“you’re not listening to me-” hongjoong starts, but you cut him off.

“ah ah,” you mock him. “i can’t touch you. doesn’t mean i can’t, fuck, doesn’t mean i can’t touch myself.”

“fine,” he decides, stepping away from you to lean against the bed. “i wanna see you get off with your fingers alone.”

“fine,” you agree, leaning back on one hand while bringing your other hand up to your lips. you suck on two of your fingers, holding hongjoong’s gaze while he strokes himself lazily. you bring your fingers back to your core, circling your entrance before you start fucking yourself on them, already knowing this won’t be enough. you try working yourself up by rolling your hips, stroking that soft spot inside you, but it’s not enough. you sit up so you can bring your other hand down to your clit, and hongjoong just watches on amused. he’s wondering how long this little show can last, but he’ll appreciate every second of it.

“feel good baby?” he asks mockingly, and you moan maybe too loud to try to convince him that it does. it’s not that it doesn’t feel good, it does, it’s just not as good as you know hongjoong could be. “how long will you keep this up?”

“keep what up?” you grit your teeth, grinding down into your own touch, legs jerking at the oversensitivity. the room is quiet for a moment as you feel yourself getting closer to a peak you know you can’t reach, but amidst the silence you hear hongjoong calling for you.

“baby,” he says softly, and you look up to a smirking hongjoong. “proposition for ya.”

“what?”

“make me come with that mouth of yours, and then i’ll help you out.”

“thought we couldn’t touch,” you bite back, gasping as you pull your fingers out of your cunt. “don’t want you to make another mistake, baby.”

“just shut up and come here,” hongjoong growls, staring down at you with a welcome challenge in his eyes. you shuffle the short distance forward to bring you closer to his waiting cock, and you swipe your fingers through your folds once more before wrapping the same hand around his dick. hongjoong moans lowly as he watches you work him in your hands, getting incredibly hard as he waits for you to wrap your lips around him.

“that’s enough playing around sugar,” he says sternly. “now swallow it.”

you obey quickly, using the hand that’s wrapped around him to guide him to your lips. you nip at the tip playfully, and he bucks up to make you hurry, his cock slapping against your lips obscenely. you open wide for him, doing your best to keep your lips securely around his shaft. you bob up and down quickly, encouraged by the promise of getting off if you can make him come. the only sounds in the room are hongjoong’s low pants and your mouth swallowing around him, but it’s music to his ears. he’s missed having you so intimately, but more than that he’s missed you. 

you can tell hongjoong is getting close, his chest rising and falling quickly and his dick twitching in your mouth, heavy on your tongue. you pull him out briefly, gathering a few breaths before you look up to him and tell him hoarsely, “i want you to fuck my throat, joongie.” you open your mouth up to him again, tongue hanging loosely, and he guides his cock to your waiting lips. 

“grab onto my thighs baby, you’ll need it,” he warns you, and you take his advice. as soon as you’ve got a hold of him, he starts fucking your throat, making you gag. you try to swallow around him with each thrust, driving him crazy enough until you know he can’t take it anymore. you think he’s about to come down your throat and you get excited at the promise of tasting him again, but he pulls away from you completely. 

“what the fuck,” you whine, precum and spit coating your chin. “was i not doing a good job?”

“no, you did well considering you can’t use your mouth to say what i want to hear,” he says meanly, and deflated, you fall back onto your calves.

“so that’s it?” you ask, and hongjoong laughs at you. 

“sugar, we’re just getting started,” he smiles. 

“but i don’t get to taste your come?” you whine, and he shakes his head. “where are you gonna come then?” and you watch as hongjoong reaches into his pocket, pulling out a crumbled piece of fabric. he shakes it out and you notice it’s your panties from earlier. you watch as he lays it over his hand before bringing it down to his cock, pumping himself a couple times before his body shudders and he comes into your panties. when he finishes, he looks at his hand, sighing as he holds it up to you.

“open,” he says simply, and you listen, your mouth falling open for him once again. he carefully shoves your panties into your mouth, his come coating your tongue as he says, “need you to be quiet for this next part, ok? unless you wanna give my manager a show. and then you’ll really get your way, huh? they’ll never let us within a mile of each other if they could hear how i’m about to make you feel. now over my lap, baby. time for your punishment.” you make a sound of protest, looking at him confused, and he answers, “you broke the rules sugar. you touched me.”

you try to complain, call him names, accuse him of playing games with you, but you can’t. instead you just do as he says, laying facedown into the mattress over his lap with your ass on display. his hand instantly cracks over your ass, making you jolt and squeak into your gag. 

“i’d tell you to count, but i wouldn’t be able to hear you,” he teases, running his hand over your ass cheeks. “so i’ll keep track for you. that’s one, you get nine more.” you squirm in his hold as his hand lands on your ass over and over again, whining at the pain yet grinding down into his thighs to relieve the growing pleasure between your legs. he notices this, and in between spanks he starts dipping two fingers into your core, groaning at the way your arousal drips down into his palm. you forget that you’re even being punished, enjoying the way he’s stroking your walls, when he pulls his hand from you completely and instead smacks your cunt. you scream into your gag, pushing your face into the mattress as your hips buck into his touch. “you liked that sugar? my baby’s so slutty for me. try to scream again, whore.” and he smacks your cunt again, the sharp shock to your core sending you closer to the edge. without warning, he plunges three fingers deep into your core, his free hand rubbing brutally over your clit as you writhe in his hold and start to come. your moans reach a pitch so high you can’t even hear yourself anymore, and hongjoong keeps fucking you through your release until he hears you whimper in overstimulation. he carefully removes his hands from your core, pulling your hair to make you look at him as he cleans your release off of his fingers. gently, he helps you lay completely on the bed, whispering, “i’ll be right back.”

you register hongjoong coming back to you to remove your panties from your mouth. then you feel his hands on your hips with a wet washcloth that he uses to clean you up. you start drifting off to sleep as you feel him place a kiss on each hip, whispering something up to you that you don’t catch. he lets you rest there, grabbing a change of clothes before he heads to the bathroom to wash off. you don’t know how long you were asleep for, but when you wake up again you hear the water running and you don’t see hongjoong anywhere. you get up, wincing at the pain in your lower half, looking for your robe and slippers so you can go back to your room. as you finish, the water shuts off, and you hastily make your way to the door. you’re halfway to the elevator when hongjoong comes back into the room, his face falling when he sees an empty bed. but really, what did he expect? you didn’t love him. you cared more about your job than you cared about him, so he should’ve known this would happen. as he moves around doing his nightly routine, trying to forget the day’s events that all involved you.

-

the tour stops that follow are exhausting. there’s shows, there’s fansigns, the boys have other commitments in between, and it’s impossible for you to get a moment alone with hongjoong. that doesn’t stop him from stealing glances at you every chance he gets, and you do your best to pretend that doesn’t affect you. you’re trying to set a plan into motion, because you’ve finally decided what you want this to be.

so when the tour makes its way to paris, you get to work. you’ve been making calls and setting up meetings to make sure this all happens the way you want, so you’ll be busy today. the boys have a rest day, and while you relish in the freedom of not being confined to their schedule, you start making things right. meanwhile, hongjoong finds himself bored in his room, wondering what you’re up to. 

he leaves his hotel room, wandering around trying to work up the nerve to find you. as he heads to the elevator, san pops his head out of his room and calls for hongjoong. some of the boys are watching a movie together and then they’re gonna go shopping, and san won’t let hongjoong leave without joining them for at least a couple hours. part one of the plan, done. 

while joong is being forced to enjoy his group’s company, seonghwa shoots you a cryptic text that you assume means the plan is going well. you check your phone happily knowing everything is working smoothly so far. the hard part comes next, and you psych yourself up as you head into the cafe you found just down the street. you smile as you see some of your coworkers waiting for you, and you take a deep breath before joining them for what’s sure to be a difficult conversation. 

-

that night, hongjoong comes back to his hotel room tired, arms laden with new designer pieces he can’t wait to wear. specifically he can’t wait for you to see what he found, because he knows you’ll appreciate everything as much as he does. he’s about to dump his bags and just text you, inviting you to his room, but he stops when he sees a note on his pillow. it’s an invitation to a paris fashion week event with one of his favorite designers. he’s not sure how this could have happened, but he knows you made it possible. it warms hongjoong’s heart to know you did something like this for him, and then his face warms at the thought of attending this with you. he’s worrying about what to wear to the event when he gets a text. he jumps to read it, smiling when he sees your name lighting his screen.

“meet me tomorrow before breakfast for a fitting?” 

-

to say you’re nervous is an understatement. you barely slept the night before because you wanted to make sure everything today runs smoothly. you’d hate to go to all this trouble just for a little mishap to ruin it all, so you’ve been worrying since you sent that text to hongjoong yesterday.

and hongjoong? he’s fine. he slept like a baby last night knowing he’d spend most of the day with you, and as he gets ready to see you he’s calm and collected. he thinks he’s got this whole thing figured out, and he’s ready to ease all your worries with the plan he’s laid out in his head. you asked him to come to your room for the fitting, so he heads up early, just eager to see you and tell you what he’s come up with. when he gets to your door and you open it at the first knock, the sight in front of him takes his breath away. 

first of all, you look beautiful. you look like a page out of a catalogue, dressed head to toe in this designer’s new collection. you look chic, confident, and sexy as hell. then there’s the room behind you. there’s two racks of clothes overflowing with stunning pieces, and hongjoong is standing at the door with stars in his eyes and a surprised look on his face. slowly, he turns to you, reaching for your hands. 

“how did this happen?” he asks, looking at you in awe.

“i made some calls,” you shrug. “come in, i have so much to show you.”

you go through the pieces quickly, explaining he needs to pick two outfits: one to keep and one to wear to the event. he looks on in admiration (for you or the clothes, we may never know) and carefully touches the fabric as you speak, appreciating the little details of the pieces before him. as you’re talking, there’s one suit he keeps playing with, and you smile as you ask, “that’s your favorite?”

“yeah,” he nods, looking over his shoulder at you. “i love the color, and the buttons, and the way it’s cut over here-”

“try it on then,” you encourage, and you take the suit off the rack before leading hongjoong to your bathroom. “take your time with it, but come show me when you’re dressed.”

hongjoong disappears briefly, and you can hear him rushing to get his clothes off. you’re sure you heard him bump something into the counter, but you don’t push him about it. you just sit down on your bed, kicking your feet, as you wait for him to come out. when he’s ready, he steps back into your room and clears his throat. now it’s your turn to be in shock, utterly stunned at how perfect hongjoong looks standing before you in this tan suit. 

“do you like it?” you ask excitedly, and hongjoong nods. “give us a spin then.” he turns around slowly, and you whistle teasingly so that when he turns back to you there’s a shy smile on his face. “how’s the fit?” 

“perfect,” he replies. “it’s like it was made for me.”

“well it was,” you tell him, stepping up to fix his cuffs. “i gave them your measurements last week, i’m just glad they were able to tailor it in time.” 

“you did this for me?” he asks in disbelief. “why?”

“because,” you start, adjusting his lapels now. you keep speaking, trying to hide the slight shake to your voice. “because i didn’t know how to tell you i loved you. so i had to show you.” 

hongjoong is quiet, and you’re scared for a moment that you crossed a line. you’re worried you said the wrong thing. afraid that this is too much, and hongjoong doesn’t want this anymore. but a gentle hand reaches out to tilt your chin so you’re staring into hongjoong’s eyes, and he’s looking at you like you’re the only person in the world. 

“can i kiss you?” he asks quietly, and you whisper a soft yes. he cups your cheeks, pulling you closer until your lips meet his. usually when you kiss hongjoong it’s sweet but fast, passionate but hurried. this is different. his lips move over yours slowly, his hands caressing you all the way down from your neck to your waist, holding you like he’s afraid to let you go. you’re both reluctant to pull away, but eventually you need to take a breath so you place your hands on his chest to push back. his grip around your waist tightens, and he kisses you harder, trying to put all of his love for you into this one touch. you have to push him off, laughing at how he chases you and pulls you even closer. 

“baby, stop,” you giggle. “need a breather.”

“too bad,” he says, kissing from your lips down to your chin and further down to your neck. “not letting you go ever again.”

“that’s gonna make our lives a little harder, don’t you think?” you joke, and he stops to look at you seriously. 

“no,” he tells you. “this is gonna work. we’ll make it work for us. it’ll be hard but worth it.” he holds your gaze a moment longer and you lean back in to kiss him.

“can i say something though?” you ask. “make sure we’re on the same page?” 

“please,” hongjoong nods. 

“do you wanna sit down at least?” you offer, and he shakes his head.

“nope,” squeezing you tighter, “this is fine with me.”

“fine,” you laugh. “i’m sorry i didn’t say anything earlier,” you begin. “but i can’t have you thinking this is all just fun and games. we could seriously get in trouble here, especially me. so i have to be careful.”

“i know that,” hongjoong tries, but you stop him. 

“i have to be careful,” you repeat, and he nods. “it’s a really serious thing. and if i don’t know what i am to you, it’s hard for me to risk the career i’ve built because of this incredibly charming guy i happen to work with.”

“for what it’s worth,” hongjoong says, “even if we weren’t together, if i was just some loser pining for the girl he works with, i would still love you.”

“hongjoong.” you whine. “you’re not making this easier for me.”

“okay,” he says, detaching his arms from around you and grabbing your hands tightly in his. “let me make it easier then. be my girlfriend. date me. stay over and come to work with me in the mornings. let me handle the shit, you just be my y/n again. because i miss you. i miss us. hell, i even miss your doofus dog. it might be silly, but when i would come to your apartment, it felt like we were a little family, like we had a furry little son. it was nice. it was normal. nothing in my life is normal, but you make me feel like a person. just like any other guy. you don’t treat me like kim hongjoong, leader of ateez. you treat me like hongjoong. you make me feel like myself. that’s why it was so easy for me to say i love you. you make all of this feel like it’s normal. like this is how life is supposed to be. so i’m tired of all this sneaking around shit. be my girlfriend. be in love with me.”

“i-i never knew you felt that way,” you say, a little choked up. hongjoong reaches up to cup your face, thumbs ready to catch any tears that might come. you lean forward, your forehead touching his. “but you’re my hongjoong, how could i treat you any differently?” he laughs softly, hands squeezing your cheeks. you look at him, so close, so beautiful, and you think how easy it will be going forward. “that’s why i quit.” 

hongjoong pulls back from you in shock, surprise written all over his face. he tries to speak, but he can’t even think of what to ask. after all of this, you picked him? 

“you..what?” 

“i quit,” you shrug. “well, stepped down. and when they asked why, i told them i couldn’t work with you directly anymore. i think they knew why, but they understood.”

“but you just got a promotion,” hongjoong says. “you’re so good at what you do. and the guys! you’re so good to us. what are we gonna do without you?” 

“baby,” you laugh, cupping his cheeks now. “they just put me in a different department. same pay, similar tasks, just not working directly with you. my job is more external now. that’s how i got us invited to fashion week. i’m basically the kq rep that goes out and bothers all these designers to get them to send us clothes, and then the stylist team gets to choose what pieces to use. i’m actually kind of the boss now, which is nice.” 

“i can’t believe you,” hongjoong smiles. “you’re sneaky.” 

“nah, i’m just a sap who’s in love,” you tease.

“wait,” hongjoong says, “i haven’t heard you say it yet.” 

“say what?” 

“i love you,” he explains. “you haven’t said i love you yet. i wanna hear you say it.”

“oh, that i love you?” you ask, and hongjoong blushes. “you want me to say i love you? because i do. i love you.”

“say it again,” he smiles, leaning in closer until your lips are just barely touching.

“i love you,” you whisper, lips grazing his. “i love you i love you i love you.”

[embrosegraves]

ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕖𝕕 𝕆𝕧𝕖𝕣

(request) Fernando Alonso x Fem!Reader Starting a committed relationship means telling all of your deepest secrets

Warnings: Mentions of negative mental health, mentions of abu$e, mentions of su!cide, talks of selfh4rm. I am begging you, don't read this if the topics discussed may trigger you

Note: I've never gone through anything like this myself so, with permission, I have based a little bit of the story on a very close friend of mine. It's not exact obviously, but there are elements of a real experience.

You hadn’t been dating Fernando for very long. Just barely 3 months. It still felt like a very new relationship, even if people said otherwise. It had been enough time to realise that you might genuinely love him. He never pressured you, he never made you feel less than, and he always made sure to tell you that you were enough. Sure it was the bare minimum, but it was always nice to know people could be like that. 

However, the fact was that you were scared to love him fully. You had almost sworn off dating completely because of your last partner. Your ex had made you feel so unworthy of everything. He had almost convinced you that he was the only person who would ever love you. Almost. Thankfully you had an amazing support system in your friends and most of your family. They had helped you get out of a horrible situation and they were with you the entire time, helping you recover from the trauma you had experienced. 

When Fernando had told you he was serious about dating you, you had said to him that it would be a long while before you went further than kissing and holding hands. Like a true gentleman, Fernando had told you that he completely understood that some things would take time, but he was willing to wait for however long it took for you to be comfortable. Which is why today was so important for you. 

“I’m nervous to show him, Y/f/n. What if he runs off after seeing it?” You had called your best friend, who was basically like your sister, trying to get rid of the rest of your nerves and anxiety. 

“Babe, I’ve seen how he treats and looks at you. He won’t run off and you’ll be okay.” She said, “You’re so brave and incredibly beautiful and he will see that regardless of your skin and scars. I promise if he hasn’t said ‘I love you’ before, he definitely will after this.” 

You scoffed. “Thank you but I doubt it. Once he sees he’s going to run for the hills.” 

“Who’s running for the hills?” 

You jerked your head around and saw Fernando walking through the door. You quickly said goodbye to your friend who wished you luck, and hung up the phone. You turned your body so that you were fully facing Fernando. Thankfully he could understand that this was going to be a serious conversation, so he gingerly sat next to you and took a hold of your hands. 

“I need to tell you something important.” You said, keeping your eyes firmly on the space of blanket between you. His thumbs started rubbing circles over your knuckles, bringing you some comfort. 

“I don’t need to know if you’re not ready to tell me.” He said softly. 

“No. You need to know this.” You took a deep breath before you launched into your explanation. It was now or never. 

“When I was in my early 20s, I was dating this guy. He was my first serious relationship that I’d ever had and for a time I thought he was going to be my future. I didn’t realise it at the time but he was very isolating, and controlling. There were times where he would scare me and laugh when I’d cry. He wouldn’t always, but he would often tell me that he was the only person who could ever love me, and for a time I believed him.” You didn’t want to count the amount of times your voice had already cracked. 

“It really took a toll on me. So much that in the last few months of that relationship, I started to hurt myself. Because part of me thought he was right. When he found out what I was doing, he started to- He started-” 

Fernando wiped a tear from your face. When had you started crying? 

Taking in another big breath, you continued. “He started to hurt me as well. He would press on them while they were fresh and he would bruise me to see the colours. If my brother hadn’t walked in, I probably would’ve taken my life.” You finally looked at Fernando’s face and saw that he had begun crying too. Lifting one of your hands you wiped his gathering tears. 

“I decided that if our relationship is going to go further, then you need to see what I did to myself.” 

You slowly stood up, taking your hands from his, and began to shimmy your trousers down until they were pooled at your feet. You kept undressing before you could chicken out. You took your cardigan off and your shirt followed soon after. Standing there, in front of Fernando in just your undergarments, your scars were on full display. The scars on your thighs and stomach had been healed over for many years now but they still looked just as angry as the day they appeared. You had to force your arms to stay at your sides instead of curling around your stomach like they wanted to. You tried your best not to flinch when Fernando brought his hands up to gently trace them with his fingers.

Fernando looked up at you from where he was still sitting. He looked at every inch of your face and he saw just how broken you were. His heart hurt just thinking about all the abuse you were put through. He took hold of your hands again and slowly dragged you closer to him, giving you plenty of time to back away if you wanted to. 

When you stood directly in front of him, he wrapped his arms gently around the back of your thighs and laid his head to rest on your stomach. Your hands were on his shoulders. 

“You don’t know how incredibly strong you are, Mi Vida. You are so, so strong and I’m so lucky to be with you now.” 

By now the both of you had tears streaming down your faces. Neither of you bothered enough to wipe them off. You were terrified of how your relationship was going to continue, if it was continuing at all. 

You felt Fernando leave soft kisses just over your scars, as if he was afraid to hurt you by pressing more firmly. Quiet sobs broke their way past your lips. Your grip on his shoulders tightened just a bit. 

“Please don’t leave.” You whispered, voice heavy with emotion. Fernando loosened his grip and stood up to cup your face in his hands. You brought your own hands to rest on his wrists as he held you. 

“There is not a single thing about you that would make me leave.” His thumb brushed a stray tear away. “I love you more than I can say.” 

Hearing his words, you closed your eyes and began sobbing harder. Your arms wrapped tightly around his waist as you buried your head into his chest. Fernando hugged you close to him and gently caressed the back of your head. 

“Thank you for being brave enough to tell me.”

I hope you enjoyed reading this! I tried my best to write this in a way that was both a little detailed but also very vague so let me know how I did!

as always, likes, replies and reblogs are always appreciated <3