#it just feels too packed to be real but like.. you lived it.. it happend.. and yet still sounds made up

[a-s-levynn]

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[targwh0re]

Thoughts on Teen Wolf the Movie while watching it (SPOILERS) pt.1

Before I even start let me say that they should've just made it another 12 or 10 or hell even an 8 episode mini series

Should've opened with Isaac instead of Liam and Hikari in Japan smh. He was the last one to have the triskele box, how tf did Liam get it? (I do understand that Daniel Sharman couldn't be in the film but still...at least give me an explanation)

I don't care what they say, Hikari was supposed to be Kira and Hikari wasn't supposed to even exist. Liam and Hikari are clearly what Scott & Kira Should've been, minus the restaurant in Japan, if they'd done the right thing and brought Kira back in the last season. He said he'd wait for her😭. (Though I Stan the actress for not coming back when they were going to pay her white female castmates more than her. Honestly fuck them for that)

Why does Liam own a restaurant in Japan. How did we get here in our lives. Liam u supposed to be protecting Beacon Hills. Also idk what career I though Liam would get but it definitely wouldn't have been restaurant owner. I can see him as a coach maybe (at Devonford Prep in honor of Brett; huh maybe I did know what career I thought he'd have🤔)

Damn y'all really keeping Nogi with teas and spices. Ig hiding it in plain sight works idk 🤷‍♀️

Why Liam fall like that 😭

Damn Nogi really reminding me of the Witch from Narnia when she appeared in that ice wall thing in the second movie

also if Nogi can talk through that thing, why hasn't he manipulate someone into setting him free already

Though that Nogi was like a regular fly, not a firefly...

Scott being call "The Alpha" like they'll never know🤫 also like I thought Monroe went international w/ her hunting. Ain't no way Scott's just chillin all carefree enough to put his name on a business.

Yeah Scott save that doggie...oh and the little grl too. Also this would've been better plot wise if this was a flashback of Scott saving a little Hikari, it would explain how she's randomly apart of the pack now

Love how Scott's animal clinic looks like a mixture of Deaton's vet place and Derek's loft

Scott talking about having kids one day was how I knew they'd give him Eli at the end. Like wtf, he should be raised by his family, by other born wolves who know about the werewolf history that Derek did. Like hello we got great uncle Peter, auntie Cora, and hell even cousin Malia. Derek WOULD NOT want his SON raised by an ARGENT!

"I didn't see it. I took my eyes off the road for like two seconds to change the song on my ipod"

Wooo spooky 👻

I said ah oop jump scare Chris "I never use the front door" Argent

Poor Chris no parent ever deserves their child to die before them

Bardo! and who stayed up all night doing research about Bardo for you, huh, Mr. McTruealphaman. KIRA!

Yes papa Argent, say fuck

Well Jeff Davis said he wanted the timeline to work out so that Eli was born before Derek returned to Beacon Hills in an interview (idk where it is and I'm too lazy to find it) and after the series finale timeskip in the last season it was 2017, its now 2026 so technically it's been 11 years Scott my boy

Look at me out here fixing the timeline for everyone😁

"I got a feeling the real answers are in Beacon Hills" Yeah no shit Chris, everything's gotta do with Beacon Hills

Scott your the alpha. Be the alpha. Quit asking other people to to decisions for you, for the love of God

So Scott I understand why you left Beacon Hills but are we going to address what happend to Monroe and the internatipnal hunters Corp? No?...okay then

Chris why did you leave mama McCall. Jeff u really out here breaking everyone up. Should've got w/ Papa Stilinski so Scott and Stiles could be brothers fr "oh what could've been"

Why the pack break up? not gonna give me an explanation again...okay I'm sensing a pattern here

Yeassss!!! Business woman Lydia, we knew u could do it. And she looks very snazzy in that white outfit with her ponytail if I do say so myself. Funny how the banshee's business has to do with sound lmao it's perfect.

Lyd!😭 Thats Mrs. Martin-Stilinski to you! Shit at least call her Lyds so that you don't sound like your calling her a lid💀

Damn u think Lydia would've learned to look at stuff by now before handing it out. Nah but on a real note I feel like she should have a better understanding of her abilities by now, and have expanded on them, and had more control of them but that might be just me

I SAID ITS MRS. MARTIN-STILINSKI Ray or whatever ur name is!

Oooo the automatic writing again

Yayyy Eli Hale! In my head Eli is a nickname for Elijah, just like Derek is a nickname Frederick (if you known you know🤣)

Hale Auto?! Ain't no way. Derek ain't a mechanic. I refuse. Terrible career choice for the man. He's rich, he ain't even gotta work

Maybe Malia could be a mechanic but I doubt it, ooo a Park Ranger would be perfect.

Love how Eli just hotwired that jeep😂. Oh and just let me say this here and get it out of my system. Eli is similar to both Stiles and Scott when they were younger but he is NOT STILES. Yes he's sarcastic and a little delinquent but do you guys know how many teenagers are sarcastic little delinquents? Alot. It's a teen thing. I was the same way (minus the crimes😂) and still am sarcastic af. Love Eli as Eli, not a mini or replacement for Stiles. Love u guys to death but we went into this knowing there was no Stiles.

Jeff Davis: No Stiles.

Us: No Stiles?

Jeff Davis: No Stiles!

Boys gonna pop a damn wheelie in fucking Roscoe

Love how Parrish just calls Mason instead of tailing him

I'm fucking dead💀they was all too scared to tell Derek (me too thou bc sourwolf is scary😶)

Why is Mason a deputy? Feel like he should be working at Lydia's, like he's right under her is what I'd say he should be doing. I could see Corey, his husband, maybe being a deputy though. *gasp* or a cute little school teacher🥺

I stand by what I said earlier, Malia should be a park ranger and I add to that by saying that she should be the consultant and not Derek (though i understand they had to reintroduce his character) she spent a lot of time in those woods, and she's more intune with her animal side than anyone else

Derek still sexy af

serial arsonist...wolf pack also has a serial arsonist. I swear to God they should've just made it a spin off instead of its own thing

You definitely should call Stiles, he's head of his own supernatural devison in the FBI👍

Love how Derek was like a fugitive for most of the series and now he works w/ the police. Eli taking up that criminal mantel now😂

I mean...is it really grand theft auto if he took it from his own dads shop🤷‍♀️🤣

Derek's got ptsd from the jeep

Eli wanted to race that grl, I now headcanon that's how he flirts. Just like his daddy he's like haha look I'm better than you at something "you wanna see some real speed bitch" (flashbacks to when Derek flirted with Paige by being an ass with that basketball, like grl just wanted to play her cello in peace and quite)

Love how Derek just like slashed the tires. Really said "i don't think so. My names Derek hale. I go way back" (I'm so sorry to anyone reading this)

Part 1-5

[aprils-arcadia]

Denial

Members: Kihyun, Changkyun, Wonho Genre: Fluff with a good deal of angst Word Count: 4,9k Summary: After your last relationship with Changkyun ended badly you are reluctant to give in to your feelings for your fellow freshman  at college Kihyun. 

“You know denial isn't going to help you.” Hoseok said, stuffing a handful of fries into his mouth. Like every Thursday before you found yourself at the usual cafeteria table with Hoseok.

“But denial and ignorance have been working so well.” You sighed, mindlessly poking your food with a fork. 

Hoseok scoffed. “Ah, is that so?” He pointed at the fries in the middle of the round, run-down table. “That’s why you've been just staring at your food for the last ten minutes. You haven’t even noticed that I've been constantly stealing your fries.” He shook his head in disapproval. “Huh. Seems to work wonders.”

“Don't you sass me now. You know what’s awaiting me once I eat and get up from here.” You slumped back into your chair letting the fork clink against the plastic cafeteria tray. The food wasn't that bad. That much was clear by Hoseok wolfing it down without hesitation but right now you didn't feel like eating.

“Of course I do. That’s why I am trying my best to relentlessly bring up the topic so that you can finally suck it up and stop moping around.” 

“But I don't know how. It's not as easy a decision to make. This isn't pizza vs. burger or gym vs. jogging.” You lifted your hands unethusicastically gesturing to your left and to your right, your eyes still transfixed on a rather nasty greyish spot on the ceiling. “It's… it's so much more difficult.” 

“You'll have to face this sooner or later and by now you should know that sooner is the right way to go. You can't just hide out like this forever. And you can't try to deny that this is eating away at you, just like I am currently eating away all your fries, which for the record you still haven't stopped me from doing. If you aren't even possessive of your food anymore, who are you even?”

“Haha. Very funny." You leaned forward again, picking up a solitary fry that Hoseok had dropped onto the tray. "But seriously what should I do? Do you have any ideas?” 

“Do you really want my advice? Like straight up blunt me telling you what I'm thinking?” 

“Yeah, sure. Always.”

“You’ve told me quite a lot about that Changkyun guy by now and I can’t say I like him.” Hoseok’s tone of voice had turned serious and you could see that the casual mischievous air around him had vanished. “But apart from all that, if you would really still love him I don’t think you would have fallen for Kihyun.” 

Silence.

He might be right. But on the other hand it's not like you could erase all the history you had with Changkyun either. 

He had been your first real relationship, your first love. You had been so convinced that you two would live the happily-ever-after, the cliche “they meet in school and look at them still going strong”-movie stereotype, overcoming hardships together only to grow stronger as a couple. 

But reality wasn't like this. Instead your Romeo and Juliet story turned into the annoying “on/off”, “are they/aren't they” cliche. You hadn’t heard from him or seen him and after the last fight you had, it's not like you could blame him but all that logic and rationality didn’t stop you from still loving that asshole no matter how many times your heart had been broken courtesy of him. And you still couldn't fight the feeling that even remotely thinking about Kihyun was cheating. That you were betraying the trust and the man you loved. 

“When was the last time you spoke to that guy anyway?”

“6 months ago,” you admitted under your breath.

“6 months ago? I mean come on. You need to move on from this. That's just not healthy.” 

You knew that Hoseok was right. It wasn't like you expected that Changkyun would come back to you, to show up at your dorm and begged you to take him back. That wasn't his style. Him calling you up at night and you hopelessly agreeing to meet with him was a thousand times more likely. Pathetic, you knew. But still. 

"So why not see how things could go with Kihyun? He seems like a nice guy even though he might be a bit of a smartass at least from what I can tell.” Hoseok shrugged his shoulders. 

"Oh I don't know it's not like I haven't thought about trying my luck with him and seeing where things would go. But I'm just feeling so guilty,” you said, reluctantly dipping your fry into the nearly empty ketchup.

“Yeah otherwise we wouldn't have to have this conversation almost every two days right before your two most beloved courses.” 

This was both unbelievably true and painfully sarcastic. The two intro classes Hoseok talked about were indeed your favorite classes and finally gave you the feeling of having made the right choice in coming here. On the other hand they were also the ones where a certain someone was sitting next to you since the first week.

*

You had met Kihyun right after college started. You had just moved here a few days ago and the break up with Changkyun was still fresh, having happened only two weeks ago. But once you entered the college grounds you swore to leave that behind you. To leave it in the past and in the city you had left to come here. Which right at this moment did not seem to work out so well, you had to admit.

You were convinced, even if it was a bit naive, that this whole experience would change your life and that this is the perfect new start to get away from it all. Unfortunately this included your meticulous sleep schedule. Ever since the fallout with Changkyun you weren't able to really sleep. You spend the night scrolling through social media or God forbid your phone's gallery. 

This wasn't helpful and you knew it. 

The night before your first college day you had felt so utterly lonely that you couldn't help yourself. You deeply regretted having left and how things turned out with Changkyun. This wasn't how you wanted it to go but you also didn't know what would have been your ideal outcome. It was obvious that you and Changkyun had an expiration date. Hell, you have had so many of them in the past it was a wonder that you even made it this far. But somehow you always ended up with each other.

The topic of college had been looming over the two of you ever since your senior year of high school. He didn’t like the idea of you going to a different city and the thought of staying in the town you grew up in nauseated you. Your local community college had nothing to offer with all possible studies boring the hell out of you. You wanted change and a challenge and something that interested you. Changkyun never seemed to understand that. For him, you applying for other colleges felt like betrayal, that you were planning on leaving him, going somewhere where he didn’t know what you were up to, where he couldn't control who you hung out with. 

So once the acceptance letters started to roll in the two of you fought on an almost daily basis. Somehow you had found the courage to tell him that you wanted to go to your current college and that you applied for a dorm room. He had just scoffed at that and told you that you wouldn't have the balls to leave anyway. That your little pampered, desperate self would not turn on him and leave. Two weeks ago you had finally gotten the approval for the dorm room. When you talked to Changkyun about trying to make this work long distance he completely flipped. You’ve had fights in the past, countless ones and he had broken up with you multiple times as well, but this was different. 

This time it felt final. Irreversible.

He had left you a sobbing mess on the steps of your home, driving away way too fast in his car and skidding around the corner. You knew that he wouldn't come back. You knew that you wouldn't get the call. The call that he was sorry, the call that would make everything right again. You knew this wasn’t coming. But still you couldn’t comprehend that this was supposed to be the end. The real end.

You had sat on those steps for hours until your mother had finally come home and tried her best to get you inside. The rest of the day you spend asleep. Completely weak and dehydrated you fell into an uncomfortable sleep, only to wake up with tears still streaming down your face. You spend the week before leaving for college in a haze. 

This wasn’t your usual coping mechanism.

You had stopped listening to music. This time around you didn’t drown your tears in Death Cab songs and ice cream wanting to be comforted by your friend and family. Instead you completely isolated yourself. You only ate when you were forced to and sleep didn’t come easy. Most nights you’d stared up at your bedroom’s ceiling, your mind completely empty but your body not letting you rest. It had felt like a part of you was missing that he literally had ripped out your beating heart where he stood. After a week you were only a shadow of yourself. You had packed for college with the help of your friend and moved into your dorm room. Sleep was still a rare commodity but you tried your best to start being hopeful about the future. You couldn't mope around forever and you shouldn’t let him ruin your first week of college. 

But here you laid, not being able to sleep. The dorm room was dark and empty, the shadows from the trees outside dancing on the walls. Instead of trying to close your eyes you had grabbed your phone, the bright light of the screen hurting your eyes in the beginning. Looking at the pictures on your phone didn't make your feeling of crushing loneliness any better. On the contrary. It hurt. It hurt like hell. Knowing that the man you loved so much was done with you. Over you. Living life without you, like you never happend. 

Luckily your roommate hadn’t moved in yet so no one was able to hear you sniffle and ultimately cry yourself to sleep at 4 a.m. 

The next day you woke up to the loud noise from the hallway having ignored your alarm clock twice. Now you only had 15 minutes left to get dressed and rush to the lecture hall. One quick look in the mirror confirmed what you had dreaded all along. You looked like sh*t. You had wanted to start college bright-eyed and optimistic but those were not the kind of bright eyes you were looking for. You had no chance of wearing your contacts like this. Awesome. The cute first day of college outfit you had laid out the night before stared at you almost in disappointment and you grumpily grabbed your black-rimmed glasses out of the drawer and quickly put your hair up in a messy bun, brushing this bird’s nest of hair would have been a waste of time. 

You rushed out of your dorm and onto the quad. Fortunately you already checked the way yesterday so instead of being completely lost you were able to just sprint across campus at full speed. Even though you earned a few “heys” and even one “Run, Forrest, run” you were able to make it in time. You hurried inside and tried to catch your breath as good as possible. Most of the seats were taken, everyone shows up for the first one, you thought.

You had found an empty seat in the back of the lecture hall and sat down as unnoticeable as you could. The young man next to you gave you a quick smile and a nod and then focussed back onto his notebook again. You pulled out your own notebook and the lecture began with your professor introducing himself and outlining the following semester before diving straight into the basic concepts that will be needed for the rest of the course.

You tried your hardest to focus but your mind tended to wander back to what you gave up to be here, if giving up was even the right word, and how your finger had hovered over Changkyun’s number time and time again the night before. You choked back the uncomfortable feeling that was forming in the back of your throat. You needed to concentrate. You brushed your thoughts aside as best as you could and focused on the blackboard. 

Nothing. You couldn't make out a single word. Great. If you couldn’t even copy the blackboard you may as well just leave. You squinted at the blackboard in an attempt to decipher the words as your professor was writing them. What he's talking about should give you some clues but still the smudges remained. If you could have just worn your contacts then this wouldn't have happened but no, you petty excuse for a human being had to cry yourself to sleep and were now forced to run around like a mole with those humongous glasses of yours that let's be fair here, didn't do sh*t. 

You sighed heavily and rubbed the bridge of your nose. All the squinting has achieved was give you a mild headache and your notepad was still as blank as it could be apart from you writing the course name at the top. Just as you were starting to lean back in your chair and resigned to just listening, an unfamiliar notebook appeared at your side, nudging your arm. 

"You can copy mine, if you'd like. That prof’s handwriting is like trying to read hieroglyphs."

You looked to your left and saw the guy next to you slide his notebook across.

"Oh and I took the liberty of correcting all his typos. You can be lucky that you don't have to deal with those cringe-worthy mistakes." 

You chuckled slightly. It’s been days since you even smiled about anything, having forced all of them since the break-up. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.” 

"No worries," the young man whispered. “I’m Kihyun by the way”

“Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you Y/N,” he said and smiled brightly. 

His profile and jawline were sharp and he dressed unbelievably well. The sleeves of his button-down were rolled up to his elbows and his dark brown hair had a slight undercut. He was attractive to say the least. How could you not have noticed this when you first sat down. Ah yeah, you probably were feeling way too sorry for yourself at that time. 

You quickly copied the notes and gave it back to him. 

“Thanks again, I owe you one.”

"Nah. You're very welcome. But if you insist a coffee would be more than sufficient." 

The next week you had finally been able to wear your contacts again. Thursday evening you had met the lovable idiot that was Hoseok. He’d spend the majority of the weekend listening to you cry your eyes out in the dorm common room. It was so easy to open up to him and maybe just maybe this was exactly what you needed. Someone who didn’t know the whole story who was completely impartial to hear your side of things. Talking to him made your shoulders a little lighter and he had made it his mission to make you feel better, to make you feel welcome and comfortable. He tried his best to get some nutritious food in you and forced you to join his Sunday morning jog. 

The next day with your legs almost numb and a chipper, way too awake Hoseok by your side you arrived at the nearby coffee shop. It was a tiny cafe that was frequented mostly by the students and therefore it was usually packed at this time of day. Hoseok looked around the shop anxiously until his eyes met the ones of the guy sitting at the corner table. 

“I gotta go. I don’t wanna keep Hyungwon waiting.” 

“Hot date?” you said, eyeing the tall young man that was smiling sleepily at Hoseok and waved.  

“Hell yes,” he replied and hurried off towards the other corner of the cafe. You took your two coffees from the counter and headed towards the lecture hall. Once you arrived you let your gaze wander through the rows until you spotted the only familiar face in the room. 

“Good morning,” you said as you sat down and placed the cup of iced americano in front of Kihyun. “As promised.” 

“Oh hey, thank you. I was wondering if you might have forgotten about me since you ignored me on Thursday.”

“Thursday? Where?” You fidgeted in your brain to try and remember where you could have seen him, but last week you were running on autopilot most of the time, without ever really registering your surroundings. 

“Oh so you really didn’t even notice me. I was sitting like three people over in intro to media theory.”

“Oh no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I was spacing out a lot last week. I’m really sorry.” 

“Well at least I know you didn’t forget me,” he said, taking the cup and nudged it against your own. ”Thanks again. That should help us not fall asleep.” 

“I do hope so,” you said smiling as you started to sip your coffee. 

“It doesn’t seem like you’ll need my perfectly-taken notes this time around,” Kihyun added, gesturing towards your non-existent glasses. “I gotta admit though I kinda miss the glasses.” You laughed shyly. “They looked cute on you.” Kihyun turned towards the blackboard as your professor started to speak up. “But I’m glad you look a little healthier this week,” he said mostly to himself but you were just able to catch it. 

*

After unenthusiastically eating the remaining fries on your plate you got up, to make your way to your next course. 

“So have you made up your mind?” Hoseok said leaning against a nearby wall, waiting for you.

“Of course I haven’t,” you said as you let the wrappers slide off your tray and into the trash can. “And he probably isn’t that interested in me anyway.”

“Excuse me? Do you remember that one time he asked you out and you straight up invited me along?” Hoseok rolled his eyes at you. “Yeah sure, he isn’t interested in you. And also to get back to our earlier discussion if that wasn't denial I don't know what was.”

“That wasn't denial. I literally didn't get it." You tried to look and sound as convincing as you could but Hoseok probably already saw through that. "And seriously ‘hang out’ is just not the language I associate with asking out," you added defensively.

“Oh come on. You were just scared out of your wits and panicked. Don't you try and wiggle your way out of this now,” he said, putting a hand on your shoulder guiding your way out of the cafeteria and into the hallway. 

“Not fair and do you have any idea how long ago I went on a date last. Like a real asking out, whole shabang, first date?” You brushed off his hand from your shoulder and looked at him in all seriousness. 

"No idea, but I’m gonna presume it was AGES ago" Hoseok answered dramatically.

"Correct. I had like one first date in my life and that was Changkyun." You didn't like to admit this but it was the truth. He was your first, your first for basically everything.

“Are you sure you just didn't realize the other ones were dates"

“Stop it for God's sake. Shouldn't I know that?”

“Not if you were as dense then as you are now.” Hoseok winked at you and slid into the classroom to your right. “See you later.”

“Smartass,” you added quickly and stuck out your tongue. Unfazed by your childish action Hoseok blew you a kiss through the closing door. 

“He’s such an idiot.” He was a pain in the ass but you were thankful for Hoseok. He always found a way to cheer you up but was also by your side with advice and an open ear, everytime you needed him. You walked to your own lecture hall with timid steps, lost in thought. 

It’s been six months since you’ve last heard from Changkyun. 

No texts, no calls, no updates on social media. 

In fact you couldn’t even see his posts anymore, maybe he straight up blocked you. He probably was happy without you and better off. And you really had to face the fact that you yourself were happy here as well. That your life might not have turned out the picture perfect way you wanted it to be but you had found friends that supported and loved you and you were enjoying your studies tremendously. The only thing that was in the way was that damned guilty consciousness of yours and the nostalgia of a past albeit failed relationship.

 Changkyun wasn’t coming back and even if he was you shouldn’t fall for it because time and time again you should have been taught that this relationship was going nowhere. You were like oil and water, you could force them to be together for a while but slowly they would drift apart again. You guys weren’t made for each other and every other fight had proven that. He was overly jealous and you were too timid to really speak your mind. He was your first relationship, the one you wanted to treasure for the rest of your life but as Hoseok said it just wasn’t healthy. Not in the slightest. 

Going to college might have been the fallout you two needed to start living a life not dependent on each other, to be able to move on and to find your own happiness and a relationship where you were an equal and where you wouldn’t have to fear for your relationship every time you went out with friends. Changkyun was probably over you already anyway, it never took him long to prove to you that he didn't need you. 

So why, why on earth were you still limiting yourself. 

Why were you still in any way being considerate to this ass. The ass that made out with your friend in front of you just to prove a point. The ass that left you standing in the rain after a fight having to walk home for an hour. The ass that never treated you right. You lifted your head and straightened your back. He wasn’t worth it and more importantly you were worth so much more.  

Once you stepped out onto the quad and towards the lecture hall you felt a gentle touch on your back. 

“Hey, Y/N.” The soft voice unmistakably belonged to Kihyun. “Glad I caught up with you before the lecture began.” 

He couldn't have picked a better time. Right when all your thoughts were jumbled and you were trying to untie it even slightly, he shows up. Right on time to throw all your progress overboard. Right on time to make you question everything you thought you had figured out. 

“Hey Kihyun, ready for the lecture?” you replied as unfazed as you could muster.

“Please, when am I not.” 

You laughed. Hoseok was right, he could be quite the smartass. 

“But that’s not why I tried to catch up with you.” 

“Okay…” 

“Can we talk for a second?” He stopped walking and now stood before you. 

“Yeah sure, what’s up?” Now you were straight up scared. ‘Can we talk’ never was a good thing. Your stomach twisted and you felt the nervousness slowly rise inside of you.  

“I talked to Hoseok the other day and I think this might be the best idea.” So many questions rushed through your head. Kihyun talked to Hoseok? They were close? You had only seen them together like once apart from the times you forced those two together. Hoseok couldn’t have possibly snitched on you, right?  

“I just thought that he might help me out or give me some advice since you two seemed to be very close.”

“Okay…” This could only go wrong. Definitely only go wrong. “What did he tell you?” 

“To be honest he just told me to man up and suck it up.” Kihyun laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. His light brown hair refracted the light and some strands glowed golden in the early spring sun. 

“That does sound like him.” You smiled and noticed that Kihyun had started to avoid eye contact which was something he never seemed to have a problem with. Instead his eyes were all over the place, continuously wandering from your eyes downwards to then dart into a completely different direction. 

You had probably never seen him so flustered and it made you uneasy. Over time you had gotten so used to Kihyun’s normal overconfidence but now he seemed self-conscious and even a bit vulnerable.  

“It seems like nothing has really worked so far. So I feel like if I’m not gonna make it very simple you would brush over it again and just bring me coffee to class instead of going with me to the cafe I had in mind. Or bring Hoseok along with you to the mall.” He chuckled a bit and you were terrified of what he would say next. 

He took a deep breath. 

“I like you Y/N.”

There it was. Out in the open. Something you had tried to deny for longer than you should be comfortable with. There you had your answer. And now there was no way you could ignore it. He was able to muster the courage to tell you and you were always trying your best not wanting to face this possibility. 

Kihyun finally found your eyes again and you tried your best to not have your face be an open book, telling him every little detail that was going through your mind. The war inside your head, the shouting, the panic and the overall chaos of you trying to decide what to do. 

Again he averted his look but this time you finally realized where his eyes were trailing off to as yours started to do the same. His lips were parted slightly and ever so slowly you felt the distance between the two of you closing, right now you weren’t in control anymore as your body felt to be moving on it’s own until his face was only inches away from your own. 

Right before you closed yours you took one look into his stunning dark brown eyes, and the different shades of brown that were mixed in there, invisible unless you stared directly into them. 

He kissed you softly and finally, finally in forever your mind was quiet. 

No guilt, no anxiety, just the warm feeling of joy spreading through your body. 

He placed his hand tentatively on your cheek and your heart skipped more than just one beat. The soft touch of his lips and the warmth of his hand left you completely helpless. You wanted this moment to last forever, to not let go, but instead Kihyun pulled away from you. His face was slightly blushed and you could still feel his lips faintly on yours. His hand lingered on your cheek and his thumb continued to caress your cheek bone gently. He looked at you for a while, taking in what had just happened, before he spoke up again.

“Would you like to go on a date with me?”

“I think you already have your answer,” you said and grabbed his collar drawing him in into another kiss, this time less timid than the one before. 

Who you loved, you weren’t sure. But you didn’t have to be. Whatever part of your brain told you that you would have to decide right then and there if you loved Kihyun and if you really didn’t have any feelings left for Changkyun could just shut the hell up. You were so focussed on this question that you completely forgot how life really works. He didn’t say “I love you” simply because he couldn’t even know that yet. So why did you expect from yourself to be able to answer it already. Yes, part of you still loved Changkyun and would probably do so till the day that you die but that couldn’t stop you from liking Kihyun, from wanting to know more about him, from waiting to spend more time with him, from wanting to find out where this could lead you. 

So no, you didn’t know who you loved but you’d find out, in your own time, at your own pace.

[victorias16]

Authors note: Hi! At first I have to apologize for all mistakes. English is my second language but I wanna try to write something. Probably noone ever read this but I public this just for me and for fun!

Feyre pov

I wake up in the morning and run to the toilet becouse I felt sick. Something wasn't right. That was third day and I still was sick but high fea doesn' t get sick juat like that. Just in moment when I vomited to the toilet Rhys run into the bathroom and to hold my hair.

"It's gonna be okey, darling" he said trying to calm me down when I started to sob.

"I don't know what is wrong with me" I menadge to said before the next nusea spelt into me and I vomited again.

"I am gonna call to Madja. When she exeminate you We are going to now how help you". Rhys was telling me this since my sickness first came but I doesn't wanted that.

"We should wait. It is probably nothing." I also was telling that every day but when I looked at him I already known that this time I can't get out of it.

"No. Madja is going to be here at the morning. High Fea dosen't get sick just like that. I am worried about you, darling".

"Okay. But this is probably nothing." I gave up becouse I have no strong to continue this fight. "I am really tired. Can we go back to sleep, please?" I said when Rhys gave me a glass of water and I drinked it. "Of course darling". He helped me to get to the bed and when my head touch pillow I already was asleep.

------

I wake up and run to the bathroom again. I wa feeling awful and I started crying for no reason. Rhys was on my side holding my hair again.

" How are you feeling?"

"Awful."

He kissed my hair and said "Everything is gonna be okay. Madja is going to help you. You are going to be okey, darling".

"I am going to be okey even if you don' t call to Madja. I am fine." I lied becouse I don' t want Madja to said me that everything is okey and I am overreacting.

"You are not Okey. Let me and Madja to help you. Even if everything is okey Madja can help us understand what is going on with you." He said giving me a glass of water and helping me get up. " I am going to Madja right now. I will be right back."

"I don' t need this. I said you I am fine. See?" I said getting up from bed and I feel my head spinning. The last thing I felt was Rhys catching me. Than was only darkness.

----

When I wake up I was laying on my bed and heard Madja and Rhys talking but I can't understand anything. I try to sit but my head start spinning again.

"Careful, my love" said Rhys and help me sit on the bed. He was smiling.

" What is going on? Why are you smiling?" I asked him.

" You are pregnant my love."

" What? Are you sure?" I asked scared

"Yes I am sure"  Madja said "I examinate you and you are 11 weeks pregnant, congratulations my Lady"

When I heard that I don' t now what I felt. I was happy, worried, excited and terrifade at the same time. I don' t know when I start crying but I felt tears on my cheek and Rhys fingers when he wipe the tears away.

"Everything is going to be okay, darling. You and our child are okey. Don't cry" He said trying to calm me down.

"It's okay how you feel right now my lady. This is big news. You need so time and rest. When you will be ready to ask me questions just call me." Madja said when she was packing her things.

"Thank you Madja" I said with tears

"You are walcome my Lady'' she said when she left the room.

When she left Rhys kissed my tample and asked "Are you okey my love?"

"Yes I am just surprised. That's all" I menage to said. My thoughts was running and I couldn't said anything else. We where trying for this child for a very long time by now. We started trying right after a war. That was 50 years ago. I started thinking that I can't have children and something is wrong with me and now when this finally happend I didn't know what to do with myself.

"That finally happened" I said when I put my thoughts together.

"Yes. We are gonna to be parents darling" he said and I heard tears in his voice as well.

"Our live is going to change and nothing is going to be like it was" I said worried that we can't menage this.

" I know but this is a good change and I am overjoyed. I can't wait to meet this little one." He said woth calm voice when he saw what I am thinking about "We are going to be great parents. This child will be loved by everyone in inner circle. Our friends will help us like always. I love you and I love this child."

I didn't know what to said. I know that this is true. Cassian and Nesta had their child-a little girl named Ann almost 10 years ago but the fea child grow slower ang she was like 3 years old in human age. Azriel and Elain had already two children. August was 12 years old and their little girl Cecily  was 1 year old. I loved this child by my all heart and I spend almost all the time with them. Their was my only contact with children in my life but I known that I and Rhys will be a good parents for our child.

---

*Next day*

After morning which I spent vomiting to toilet I was really tired. I was lying in bed and trying to sleep when Rhys came back to home after He has to went to Illyrian Mountian to help Cassian.

"How are you doing?" He asked when he walk to me and sit on the edge of bed.

"Bad." I doesn't want to talk to anyone. I was to tired to do so.

"Do you ate anything today?" He asked worried

"No. And I don't want to" I said with anger. I was to tired for this talk and I was frustated by how I was feeling. "I am sorry. I didn't want to jump at you. I am just tired"

"It is okey Feyre darling" He said sighing "And I am just worried about you and baby. You should eat. Baby needs this. You need this."

"Eating is doing nothing when I vomiting everything after I ate."

"I know this is hard darling. I really want to help you but I can't" He said. I could feel worried in his voice. "Did you take madicanes from Madja in morning?"

"Yeah, but they aren't helping at all" I said with tears. Really morning sickness wasn't enough? I have to deal with hormones to?

"Shhh, darling everything will be okey. We just need to wait and this is going to end. " He tried to calm me down but I still was emoutional mess. " I will go for food for you. You need to eat, darling"

"I don't want to. I am gonna to feel nuseus all day when I eat anything" I said mad

"You already are nuseus all day. You have to eat for baby and for you. Just try eat anything." He said worried and when I heard this in his voise I stopped arguing. I know that he try best to help me but he can't and I doesn't want to worried him anymore.  He gone to get me food and I was trying to get my emotions under control. He came back with sandwitches and tea and He helped me sit on the bed. I ate and lie down in bed. I fall asleep in few seconds.

--

Rhysand Pov

I have never been so nervous before. I hate when Feyre is feeling bad and I can't do anything to help her. I forced myself to get up from her and I went to office to do some work. When I saw all documents to read and anserw to them I started thinking about getting assistant for that. That was always my work but when Feyre accepted mating bond she took some work for her and now I can't think how I ever could have done this alone.

After an hour I heard someone entering house and I left my office to see Cassian and Ann in my door.

"Hey what are you doing here?" I asked and started helping Ann with her clothes.

"Can't I just visit my friend and his wife?" Cassian asked coming into living room "Where is she?"

"She had hard morning and she is sleeping right now." I said without thinking. No one know about pregnancy yet and I could just said to much "She has been working all nigdt and morning" I add quickly but Cass look at me weird.

"Okey then." Cassian said but something was definitly wrong in his voice

"What is wrong Cass?" I asked carefully

"Ann why doesn't you go play toys?" Cassian asked his daughter. When she was gone with toys He said "I think that Illyrians are planing a rebellion"

"What?" I asked paniced. Why now? Why now when I am waiting dor my child and my wife is pregnant? Can't we have peace when we need this so much? "What make you thinked that" I asked trying to get my voice back.

"I heard talking Illyrians about this and I thinked you should know about that but maybe this is nothing. Just some rummors." He said but I known that he isn't telling me everything.

"This is not everything, is it?" I looked at him but he was looking at Ann worried. I knew what he is thinking about. He has to much to loose if rebellious is real. His mate and his child couldn't loose him.  "You don't wanna be general anymore, right?"

"What makes you thinked that?" He said

"I am not blind or stupid. You have your mate and child. You don't wanna risk that"

"Yeah but I still wanna be your general. You and Azriel have your family too. I just have to be more careful about what I am doing." He said " And I wanna beat the danger for my doughter safe world."  

"We all have things to fight for. We heve to get more information about what is going on. I will asked Azriel to spy for me again." I sighed "I need a drink and you probably too"

"I have to take care of Ann" He sighed

"Having child complicade everything?" I asked worried

"No. It makes everything diffrent but it is wonderful."

[janevx]

𝑝𝑠𝑦𝑐h𝑜| h𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑔 h𝑦𝑢𝑛𝑗𝑖𝑛

genre: 

wc: 2,7k

warnings: cursing, sex mentions, death mentions

mafia au, psycho au, hyunjinxreader

summary: you have never thught that you would became mafia member guy. someone who murder people for living. hyunjin never shows you that he loves you. he is always cold towards you, but for real? he loves you the most in the world.

author’s note: i’m planing to do headers soon, so it will be look more prettier! also, i was thinking about making reactions with kpop male groups? what do you think about it? also, i’m sorry for late uptade of yuta’s “maybe”, im sorry! btw, you should watch this fancam. hyunjin’s fancam made me write this.

hwang hyunjin was aways known as a cold person who usually doesn’t give a fuck about others. he has his member and sure, he likes them and care, but when it comes to someone else he was very cold. i mean really. also, he has no mercy for his victims. his gaze always do everyhting. people were afraid of his gaze, becasue it’s really scarry. always in black or black-red clothes with his long blonde hair (from god’s menu era) make people afraid of him. he totally loves this. love this that people were afraid of him and he has control. 

 you were just student who has happy life with no worries. you had everything - lovely family, cool and “true” friends also even a boyfriend who loves you and took care of you, but one day everything has changed. 

 you were at club with your friends who had time of theif lifes. you were a little bit tired, so you took a seat by bar. you didn’t even know when blonde guy approach you.

“why are you stting here alone?” he looked into your eyes and you could swear that he was the most handsome boy you have ever seen.”are you listen to me?”

“i’m little bit tired just it.” you smiled a little.

 hyunjin didn’t know why he approach you. he was watching you from the start of the party and he couldn’t stop. you looked amazing and really attract attention, especially from him.

“but you shouldn’t sit here. maybe in the living room? you don’t even know what a kind of people you are around with.”

“what do you mean?”

“nothing, just take it as warning honey.”

 when you were about to open your mouth someone interrupt you.

“ey yo, motherfucker. leave my girlfriend alone or i’m gonna kick your fuckin ass, you pussy.”

 you could hear your boyfriend. you were embarrassed because of y/b/n. he was really jealous sometimes with no reason and agressive towards strangers. 

“y/b/f chill out! we were just talking and you offenisve him! just stop.”

“y/n shut the fuck up for once. this guy flirts with you and you like it?”

 hyunjin couldn’t help smilling all the time. it was his devilish smile. he was fuckin pissed of because you had a boyfriend and also this piece of shit wasn’t afraid to yell at him. he promised himself that he will kill y/b/n.

“isn’t it very nice to talk your girlfriend like this asshole.so, y/n, you don’t have to be sorry because of your fuckin boyfriend. it was nice to meet you.” hyunjin turned around and face your boyfriend and whisper to his ear. “i hope you going to know with who you mess up with. you are already dead.” hyunjin smilled at your boyfriend and left.

 you were kind of person who doesn’t like when someone is treat like shouldn’t you were mad at y/b/f. you shook your head and leave just to go to boy who warned you to be careful. your firends couldn’t belive how you act.

“ey wait! i’m really sorry for this jerk. he is sometimes too agressive towards people.” you were smilling lightly “i hope you can understand.”

“why are you two dating?” he asked with smirk on his face “he is asshole towards you.”

“u-hm.. he loves me and i l-love him..”

“aish, love. okay. thanks and don’t be sorry.” he smiked “i hope we be able to see ourself once again.”

“yeah, totally.”

 he left and so you. you came back to your boyfriend with different feeling. who the hell is this guy?

🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀

since this accident it’s been month. your boyfriend apologized to you hundred times. you couldn’t be mad at him for too long. 

 today it’s your day off. you wanted to surprise your boyfriend for being sonner at home with some cookies. bc, who don’t like cookies? you opened the door and you hear some sounds. like.. moans? did your boyfriend was pleasuring himself? it wasn’t from, of course no! but at the same time you could hear woman’s moans. you were schock and mad as fuck.

 you walked in into your bedroom and you started crying. there were your boyfriend with your bestfriend having sex. when they saw you they were shock and embarrassed.

“what the actual fuck y/b/n?! y/f/n? really? you two fuckin bastrads! i’m leaving!”

“no, y/n wait!”

“fuck of!”

 they left your bedroom. you took suitcase and pack all your stuff. there’s no way to you that you stay any longer in this home. the two most trusted people cheat on you. you couldn’t belive how naive you were. but to your surprise you didn’t feel pain. you were just mad that they did this behind your back. did you really love y/b/f name?

 when you were done, they try to stop you, but you can’t. you left your place and with no idea, you were walking. you were walking until you saw black prestige car that followed you for pretty long. you started feel fear, so you moved faster.

“y/n!”

 is this possible to be this blonde guy from club? you turned around and saw this guy parked his car and walk towards you.

“it’s you.”

“i’m hyunjin.” he smilled “what are you doing when it’s raining and with suitcase?”

“uhm, it’s not important.”

“it is. what happend?”

“my boyfriend and best friend had sex in our bedroom, when I was there with cookies. now i’m betrayed, alone with cookies and with no idea what to do with myself.”

“c’mon, go with me.”

“what?”

he laughed at you.

“come to my place. you can stay.”

“but I don’t know you well and basicly you are stranger to me.”

“just come with me. i promise i’m not gong to hurt you y/n.”

 you didn’t know why did you agree to come with him. 

 his house was pretty big and expensive. you didn’t know what he is doing for living that he has so much money. he showed you all home and give you some food.

“woah, i din’t expect it from you.”

“what? my house?”

“yeah. it’s pretty big and you know. what are you doing daily?”

“you going to know one day, not today. you be sleep in my bedroom, ok? i will be sleep in living room.”

“no, no! it’s your home, i’m only geust.”

“y/n. don’t make me angry, please. just sleep in my bed.”

 you simply nodded. you two were talking a lot before it was bed time for you. you changed your clothes into something comortable (paJamAS) and goes to the bed. you lied down and slowly fall asleep.

“good night y/n”

 you fell asleep, but you have no clue what was happening in same room. hyunjin was watching your for few hours and touch your face. he was fascinated in you. for hyunjin you were just like goddess. he couldn’t help but stare at you. and your body in this pajama was hot as fuck. you have to be his no fuckin matter what.

  🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀

weeks passed and you still were at his place. hunjin asked you to move on with him. you weren’t sure but you agreed. your family and friends told you that you are crazy for doing this. but you didn’t care, becasue hwang hyunjin had something about him what makes you want him. you noticed that he is very, very cold person, but to you he can control this.

 one day you came to home an hour earlier than you should. you walked in, but seems that hyunjin didn’t noticed you. you were about to say something when you heard devilish laugh that stops you.

“and what? you fuck with wrong person.”

“i’m sorry! really, i can give you all my money,”

“take money and pour it into your asshole.”

“hyunjin, please! i’m sorry!”

“i have no mercy dumbass.”

 you could only hear a shot. you frooze. you couldn’t move, because of this what you heard. you couldn’t control how you were breathing. hyunjin could hear it too and only thing he could do was his curse.

“y/n? what are you doing here honey?”

“you killed someone?”

“babe, listen.”

“i’m not your girlfriend.”

“belive me, you will.” he smirked when he take his gun pointing at you “better take a seat.”

you did it with fear in your eyes.

“will you kill me?”

“of course no! you are to preacious to be dead.” he smirked “you asked me one day what am i doing for living. i’m in mafia. i bet you know who stray kids are, right?” you nodded “i’m basicaly member. but you don’t have to be afraid of me. i take good care of you, don’t i?”

“you do, but it’s ..it’s scarry.” you were about to stand up “i have to go and leave you. i can’t live like this.”

“don’t fuckin move.” he reloaded the magazine “i really donj’t want to kill you.”

“i’m sorry?” you were scared “but..it’s you who killed my ex?”

“who else honey? he messed up with wrong guy. i don’t fuck with them all. and also, you can’t leave me honey. you love me.”

“no, i don’t!” you lied

“okay, so leave now. i know that you would come back to me.”

 you took al of your thing and you leave his house. 

 it didn’t teak you so long to come back to him. you didn’t know what happend to you. after you left you was feeling kind of missing? you missed him so much and you couldn’t deny it. you didn’t care that he is in mafia. you loved him it was this what matter. you know him about half a year. you love him from 5 months. 

“oh look who is back.” hyunjin smirked “what should i do with you honey?”

“just let me fuckin in and talk.”

“how confident you are honey.”

to say that hyunjin was happy wasn’t enough. he was extra happy. he loved you from begginign and this time about week you were without him he was watching you. you both loving each other as psycho and you two couldn’t stop.

“i missed you. i don’t care about mafia.”

“oh, you changed your mind?” he smirked

“don’t tease me hyunjin. just tell me what to do. leave or stay. what are you feeling towards me?”

“you want to know what i feel towards you?”

“yeah, this is what i said.”

“this is how i feel towards you.”

 he pinned you into wall and kiss you. deep and with passion. you couldn’t help moans that escape yours mouth. both of you waiting really long to this happend.

“i love you y/n. but i have some rules.”

“i love you too.” you smiled “which rules?”

“i can be really jealous so don’t try me honey. you are only mine and i can use you as i want to. in bed you gonna call me daddy or sir, got it?”

“why?”

“because im in charge and you love mi too much to disagree.” he smirked “don’t be rude to me, because you gonna face consequences. you have to love me and only me.”

“all for you.”

 he smiled to himself and then you were at his lap. kissing so desperatly and deeply like you have never. your one hand in his blonde hair and one hand on his shoulder. when his one hand was at your booty and second hand on your breast. he gave you light squzees. it was really pleasure you and you try to be queit.

“i want to hear you. moan to me y/n.”

“m-my god..hyunjin!”

it didn’t take you two so long to undress each other. he was focused at your body sight. he was amazed by your curves and hell, he loves you even more.

“remember how to call me. i want to hear you kitten.”

“yes daddy.”

 with this he thrust you so rough. it was hard at the beggining but with time you feel pleasure. he fucks you so good and no one could disagree.

“i can feel your thight pussy cleanching around my cock kitten.” both of you could hear your wetness sound “you hear how wet you are for me?”

“i’m close!”

“you can’t cum until i agree.”

“please, daddy please. please, let me cum!”

“you wasn’t be a good girl to you daddy.”

“daddy please, i can do anything.”

“okay, you gonna suck me off.” he smiled “you can cum babygirl.”

 so you did with loud moan. you7 were shaking because how good he fucks you. when you done you have to take his cock. it was really big and you couldn’t take him all. you were sucked him off really good like pro.

“m-my god. i love you so much y/n, my little kitten!” he cum with groan “swallow this sperm babygirl.”

 so you did again. after this he left you to clean up yourself. he isn’t the guy who cares, you know it, but he come back to you to kiss your forhead and fall asleep with you.

🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 

life with hyunjin was quit hard to you. you really love him, and want to show him, but he doesn’t give a fuck about your love - it’s your thoughts. it’s been another half a year. you two been trough a lot and it makes you two special.

 hyunjin came to home from his work a little bit angry.

“i did dinner if you want to you ca-”

“y/n shut the fuck up! don’t even talk to me.”

“what? i din’t do anything.. why you scream?”

“can’y you see i’m stressed, you idiot? just fuck off from here and leave me.”

 it was casual to you, but it was first time that he was so angry.

“i have enough! stop reacting and exploding at me! i didn’t do anything wrong and here you are, screaming at me for nothing! i’m tired of it, understand?!”

“did you raise your voice at me?”

“yes, and what? you gonna punish me? i’m leaving. you can look for me when you calm the fuck down.”

“try me honey. you aren’t leaving. you are mine.”

“i can! you act coldly to me! can’t you see that it’s hurt me? i fuckin love you and you treat me like sex toy and doesn’t care about me. how can you love me when you fuck other girls? you only yell at me and test me for your sex things. i can’t live like this. you are always cold. always. don’t show me love, it hurts, because i want to show you, but you alwayds don’t care.”

 it hurt him. he doesn’t know that you see him as this. yeah, it was true that when he was really mad at you he fucked another, but then he killed them, because he loves only you. you are most important thing for him. he chuckled.

“i didn’t care about you? i care about you all the time! i’m stressed when i have to leave you for few days, so i call my men to be near to you. i always care what i did to you how you feel. i fuckin care! it’s hard to show this, but when we have sex i fuck you with love. y/n i fuckin think about to get married with you. i love you the most in the world. if you would asked me to leave my life in mafia i will! for you i will do everything. i’m sorry for being like this to you, but i love you.”

 your heart’s melt.

“show me how much you love me.”

 with this he kissed you with love. this night you two had sex slowly with full of love. you love him like a psycho, and he loves you back as a psycho.

“i really love you y/n, please don’t leave me.” lonly tear goes down his cheek “please, y/n i can think about my behaviuor but don’t leave me.”

“i won’t you know it. you know that i love you too much to leave.”

“will you marry me?” he take little box “i love you like psycho, like crazy man. make me happy and agree.”

“of course i will!”

[ellus986]

Don’t stop me now part 5

Roger Taylor x Reader

Warning: swearing, angst, secrets

Comment: I know Brian, and Roger had kids at this time, but in my storyline they are not just kidless, but singles too.

May 1982

It is the first concert of the year, and the last for two months in England. You have some hours before the show starts, when you just get there, and you are so excited to speak with Roger. You meet up with Brian in the hallway as you are about to open the changing room’s door.

You open it, and your heart stop. There is a girl kissing... Roger. Your brain stops funtioning for a second, than as Roger gets out of her arms, and start to run trowards you, you shot the door in his face. “Brian take me away from here please!” You mumble almost running out of the building. “Please I need to get away from here, Oh god I’m going to vomit!” You try to breath deep, but as you get to Brian’s car you just vomit in the grass.

“Are you alright?” He asks, with a worried face.

“Yeah, just get in the car and go away from here!” You say and sit in the car. He drives as you asked him, you try to keep your tears inside, but after five minutes they are just getting to the surface and you start sobbing. Sobbing what quickly turns into full on crying. Brian stops on the side of the road, and looks at you.

“Ssh, we don’t know what happend!” He smooths out some hair from your face.

“I saw it, you saw it what else you want to know?” You sob.

“I don’t know, but don’t jump to the conclusion too fast!” He tries to calm you, but it is like a kiss to the death. Helpless.

“Brian, I’m pregnant!” You cry out.

“What?” He looks at you in shock.

“I’m pregnant!” You answer.

“You are kidding!” His face tells everything.

“Now I wish!” You mumble. Your happy news get into something so other in a minute. “I came from the doctor!”

“Are you for real?” He asks, but without waiting for your answer he hugs you.

“Please take me home... I mean to Roger’s house!” You wipe off some tears.

“Don’t do anything hasty!” He says while he starts the car.

“Brian, please take me there!” You whin and stay silent for the rest of the drive. When he stop you kiss his cheek. “Thank you, please don’t tell him! Please!”

“You want to tell him?” He asks.

“Yeah...” you mumble as you close the door. “If I tell him.”

You run in the house and pack your most important stuffs. Your favorite clothes, your pillow you only brought from your old apartment, the pregnancy test you first toke a week ago and your money and papers. You put the shirt you first stole from him on the counter with a letter on it, that has the following on it:

“I loved you, believed in you beside everyones premonition, I stayed with you. It was my mistake, sorry for draging you into something you are not ready for. I should’ve known, I should’ve stay away from you, but I felt for you old man. It’s late to forget what I’ve seen. I know you need to fly away tomorrow, so I guess it is the best to keep a little bit of distance between us. Maybe if you got back we can speak, but right now, I’m heart broken, and can’t deal with it.

Forever your baby girl,

Y/N.”

You left, put your keys where you first find them, and walk away. You were walking hours with your big bag, crying your eyes out in the closest park, before you get into a diner and eat. You were hopeless, wasn’t sure about the next steps, but you had a reason to pick yourself up from the floor. You get to the public phone and you called.

“Hallo?” He picks it up.

“Fred, can you pick me up? Can I stay at your house?” You say between sobbing.

“Honey, you really left him?” He asks.

“I need time, I wrote to him!” You nod.

“I know! Where are you?” He asks.

After you gave him your adress it wasn’t even 15 minutes and he was there with his neightbor. Oh well yeah, you called your only friend who can’t drive.

When you finally get to his house you thank Greta for driving you here, and walk in with your best friend.

“Now, darling tell me what happend!” He sits you on his couch.

“Like you haven’t heard it!” You bury your face into your palms.

“I want to hear your version!” He slicks your back.

“Then I start with something earlier on the day. I just came out of the doctors office, still in shock, happy, excited, suprised, ride to the concert just to tell my boyfriend that I’m pregnant...” you say, but he cuts you off.

“You said what darling?” He looks at you in disbelief.

“I said, I wanted to tell my boyfriend I’m pregnant, but open the door on him kissing with an another girl!” You answer.

“Come here, come here!” Pulls Freddie in his arms, as you start to cry putting your hand on your stomach he continues. “You really are with child!” He mumbles in your hair.

You nod with tears in your eyes. “I don’t know what to do! I don’t want to speak with him not about this not about the girl, not about anything!” You hide your face again in your hands.

“You haven’t told him?”

“No, we did not spoke since than, and I’m not even sure I want him to know!” You answer.

“Don’t want to tell him?” He looks at you like you gone mad, maybe you did.

“No I don’t! I don’t want to see him now, and if a tell him it changes the situation. Until we don’t speak he can’t use it against me!” You feel the plan working out in your head. “You need to respecte my decision, if I want to raise this child alone, I will!”

“There is planty of time to decide that, but I understand you want to rule your life!” He says. “You can stay as long as you need, alone or even with your child, but I want you to be sure about your decision, and eventually you need to tell him!”

“Eventually!” You nod.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was already one month in touring when you pick up Freddie’s daily call. “Darling! Have you eaten enough?” He asks as always. As he knew about your eating disorder from the past he asked you everyday since he find out you were pregnant. You still couldn’t believe you are 13 weeks pregnant now. You had a little bump now, as you are eating more than usual, but it was alright, you wanted this baby to be healthy.

“Yes mamma I did!” You roll your eyes.

“How are my kids?” He asks, and you can’t keep the smile back.

“Clingy, all of them wants the bump!” You giggle.

“Believe me, if I would be there you couldn’t get me away from there too!” He says and you realise how he chooses his words.

“Roger is there am I right?” You ask.

“You are always right Darling!” Comes from Freddie.

“Then I think I should go, we speak tomorrow! Love you mom!” You giggle.

“Love you my sweet daugther!” He says before cutting the line.

You pet Miko in your lap, while you can’t stop looking at your belly. I baby, a child. You are going to be a mother. It was something you wanted, and even wanted more when you saw your sister becoming one, and now you have it, just most likely without a father.

Roger’s point of view:

He haven’t spoken with you in a month now and was eager to speak with you about that stupid kiss, but wanted to wait until you want to speak with him. He knew Fred spoke with you everyday, but you never asked for him, or messaged him even once. So he kept silent about it.

He hated himself for letting that young girl kiss him, you just get in the second she kissed him, and he had no chance to speak with you, before you packed your stuff and moved to Fred.

Yes, he knew he messed up, but realised he needs noone else, but you. Not like before that he didn’t knew this, but he was stupid enough to let it happen. He hated to be far away for so long from you, mostly because he couldn’t say good night to you everynight, like last year. He finally understood why John loved, and hated touring in the same time.

He didn’t felt like himself, he wanted to be with you, but in the other hand he wanted to give you some space. If he would’ve seen you kissing some random man, he would be upset too. He was thorn apart from his own feelings and decisions, he wanted the best for you two, but hated the feeling of it, but mostly was afraid you will be done with him after the tour, even you mentioned in your letter that later you want to speak.

Two months is a long time, even after almost two years of being together. Oh God, how much he hated himself for ruining it, for hurting you. He was reading your letter everynight before sleeping, and missed you from his arms, with tears in his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your point of view:

You would go for Fred, if you would have your license, but you liked your bike more and never learned to drive, beside when Roger tried to teach you, but that was totally illegal, so you still couldn’t pick him up, even you could drive there. And in the other hand you didn’t wanted to run into Roger. He did not called you once in the time he was gone, and you didn’t wanted him to spot your bump.

The front door opened and you see Freddie coming in with all of his stuff. As your eyes meet up he runs to you, and hugs you tight. You can see how suprised he is about the bump in his way. 18 weeks, still feels like a dream. “You look stunning!” He looks you up and down, and put his hand on your belly.

“You look stunning too, but tried more likely!” You laugh.

“You speak about me being tired? I’m not the one who grows a human inside her body, and yet I look more tired than you!” He laugh, and you pick up one of his bags. “Are you kidding me? Put that down!”

“Fred, I can walk with it in the house! Don’t make me mad!” You say and just simply run away from him.

“Woman! Put it down!” He yells after you. When he finally makes it to the living room you are already sitting on the couch. “That is what I want to see!” He nods.

“So I should look after a new home?” You giggle.

“Why, darling?” He sits next to you.

“I can’t sit on my ass for the next 22 weeks!” You giggle putting your head on his shoulder. “Oh God how much I missed you guys!” You mumble.

“We missed you too! All of us!” He smooths your hair.

“Yeah, I can guess!” You laugh bitter sweet.

“Hey, he is not even himself! He missed you the most I’m sure, love!” He holds your hand to comfort you.

“Just leave it, if he misses me he will show up, if not he won’t, or atleast not for me!” You start sobbing again.

“You still don’t want to tell him?” He asks.

“I won’t tell him on phone, and if he shows up he will see it, I’m huge!” You giggle.

“You are not huge, darling!” He chuckles.

“I’m defenetly bigger than when he left!” You answer with a smile on your face, fingers drumming on your stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Roger’s point of view:

He was home three days now, and still couldn’t step infront of you, even he missed you so much, he couldn’t put his thoughts together, and was deeply afraid you never want to see him again.

He just walked in John’s home as he took one of his bag home accidentally, now he was about to give it back. “Hi Roger!” Says Veronica, and as she sees his face she continues. “You did not speak with my sister, am I right?” She had her daugther on her side, and sent the boys into their room to play there. It was a little off, but Roger didn’t really cared about anything nowdays. “You should, you really should!”

“Hi, Buddy!” John laps his back as he walks behind him. “You should come with me, I’m just about to go to Fred!” He says. “Veronica is right, you really should speak with your girl!”

“I’m not sure she is my girl anymore!” Roger whins.

“Ooh she is!” Says Deacy almost giggling, and Veronica is smiling at him. What the hell is wrong with this family? “You want to go with my car, or yours?”

“Mine!” He shouts, and kisses Veronica on the cheek. “Than I see you later!”

“See you later big boy!” She giggles as the two of them walk out of the house and get to the car.

John sits in silence, until Roger breaks it with his question. “Did you see her?”

“Yes!” Nods Deac.

“And?” Roger asks impatiently.

“And what?” Comes the question back. “You want to know that she looks that miserable like you or not?” Roger does not deny, so he continues. “She looks great... Oh God don’t feel sorry for yourself, you will see her, and everything will fall into place!” Roger tries to understand the undertune of Deacy’s words, but he has no time as they arrive to Freddie.

John opens the door, and let Roger go first, he goes slowly like something is holding him back. As they are walking to the living room he can’t walk anymore when he hears your voice, it was so long ago, he missed it so much. “Tiger? Really? I mean it is better than yesterday’s Frederick, but still I’m glad he is not your son!” You giggle.

“You heard her little one, it is better, that means it will grow on her!” Roger hears Freddie, but his words... they are not making any sence.

“I have enough time to name this little drummer!” You giggle, and Roger just freezes more at this point.

“He is really like his father?” Chuckles Fred.

“If it means that his first kicks were during we listened to I’m in love with my car, than yeah like father like son!” Roger’s heart stops for a moment, as you end your sentence. John pushes him and there he stands in the door of the living room. You look up, as he almost falls on his face, and his eyes are wide open, gazing on you. “Hi!” You only can say this.

Your point of view:

You sit on the couch with your hand on your bump, casually joking around with Fred, who today decided to call your unborn child Tiger. “If it means that his first kicks were during we listened to I’m in love with my car, than yeah like father like son!” You answer his question with a smirk on your face. It was really something that felt like Roger, that really make you feel like this is your son with him. You turn your head up as you hear loud steps, and see Roger almost falling in the door steps. “Hi!” You mumble, not able to say something else.

“Hi!” His eyes are wide open, gazing between your face and your bump, what is covered with one of your hand. You have a tight dress on, so it is easy to spot the difference in your appearance.

“John, can you help me find Miko?” Asks Fred.

“He is there,next to her!” Answers Roger so blase, pointing to the cat.

“Than Goliath,please!” You can see his hands moving so much as he tries to make something up, as he walks away. Now it is just you and Roger in the room.

“You look great...” he mumbles hobbleing in your way.

“You look exhausted...” you stutter.

“I am... I missed you...” he rushes his shaking hand trought his dark blonde hair, before he falls on his knees just in front of you. You close your eyes, trying not to let the tears falling down. “Is he...?” He puts his hand on your stomach.

“Yes, defenetly a Taylor, drumming on my kidney just as his father!” You’re already sobbing, you can’t help it.

“Why did you not tell me?” He says, and you open your eyes to find his, full of tears.

“I wanted... I was just about to tell you at the concert...”

“Oh God...” he cuts in.

“Then I felt like it would be unfair with you to drag you into something, you visibly don’t want anymore...” you wishper, staring the nothing infornt of you.

“Hey, Hey I want it!” He pinches your jaw. “I was a dick for letting that girl kissing me even for a second, but I promise you nothing else happend!” He kisses your forhead.

“I know... John told me a million times by now!” You rush your fingers trought your hair. “But if you really would’ve wanted to clear it, you would’ve called me, or came here first...”

“I wanted to give you space as you asked, I thought you wanted this, and didn’t wanted to make you more angry at me... it was the worst two months of my life...baby girl I don’t want to loose you.” He sits next to you, his hand is on your bump. “Or my son!” You cry out on his last words. You knew it all along, you had no doubt about it, but to hear it from his mouth, to hear him speaking about your child. “And to be fair, I wasn’t aware of that I’m missing out on such important moments of our life!” You lean into his arms, and he holds you so close. “Oh how much I missed you little girl! Are you still mad about the kiss?”

“No, but I still don’t want to drag you into this, you can leave!” You sniff.

“Hey, I don’t want to go.” He smooths out some hair from your face, than pulls away and looks in your eyes suprised, as the thoughs are crossing his mind. “If I don’t come here when did you planed to tell me?”

“I didn’t, unless you want to speak with me, I wouldn’t told you!” You nod.

“Why?” He feels hurten.

“Because I didn’t wanted to be a dead weight on you. I’m able to raise a child alone, I’m able to live without you even if that hurts!” You sniff a little more.

“You never thought I would be happy about it?” He asks.

“At first, but after the kiss, I just felt it is something you wouldn’t want to have in your life!” You whisper.

“Oh Silly girl, you should’ve ask me first!” He really sounds like on old man speaking with a young girl. “I want you, if you can forgive me, I want you, and our child. Shit, our son...” he looks genuinely excited.

“You want to be part of our life?” You ask suprised, you had these thoughs in your mind, what were totally false.

“I’m sad I wasn’t in the last two months!” He mumbles, and you see how tears are about to fall.

“I’m sorry, I was stupid too...” you wishper. “I should’ve told you even if you don’t want us... I was selfish...” you bury your face in his neck, as reality hits you. You made everyone be quiet about it, just to be selfish, even Roger had the right to know about it.

“Maybe a little, but we can say it is because you are young...” he teases you, and it feels so fucking right.

“I’m 26... mother to be...” you give him an indignant look.

“You should grow up now!” He kisses you chuckling.

“I should!” You giggle into his mouth. “As you should too Daddy!”

“Fuck, I can’t believe it!” He mumbles. “I’m going to be a dad...”

“Yes, old man!” You giggle. “Bet you weren’t sure the boys are still working!”

“Hey, I’m not that old!” He hugs you so close, tickling your neck with his kisses. You screamingly laugh in his arms, again. You see the flashing again from the side, and you realise Fred and John came back.

“What? You were screaming!” Puts his hands up the one with the mustache as you turn with madish eyes.

“And you came to photograph my murder?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

“Hoped you two just doing what before!” He winks at you. “And Tiger needs pictures about you two where none of you are naked!”

“Tiger?” Roger looks at you almost laughing.

“Tiger!” You roll your eyes.

“Roger, could you drive me home?” Asks Deacy so shy you almost laugh.

“You weren’t about to come here!” Roger looks at him in disbelief. “You bastard!”

“You wouldn’t get your shit together!” he smiles at you two.

“You needed the shy, less pushing person to push you to come here?” Your jaw drops open.

“He was so blue, he couldn’t even think, even your sister could see it!” Comes John in to rescue.

“You always have a shield in him!” You poke Roger. “The first thing he told me, was it wasn’t your fault!”

“You can guess why he is one of my best friends!” He looks at Deacy like he wants to write a poem for him. “I owe him my life, I guess, if he is not around I loose you and my son too!”

“If he doesn’t find my sister you never know me!” You giggle.

“So if you owe me so much, could you take me home?” Says Deacy.

“Take this old dad home!” You push him off the couch.

“Do you want me to come back?” Wishpers Roger as he kisses you gentle, before you nod.

“Welcome to the club, man!” You hear as John pats his shoulder as they walk out.

You get ready for bed, shower and get on a t-shirt. You sit back next to Freddie as he sits there in his robe.

“Exciting day!” He says letting his head fall to the back of the sofa.

“Eventful would I say!” You curl up in this lap.

“Are you staying here, love?” He mumbles into your hair as he plays with it.

“I don’t know, we just spoke for the first time in two months, we forgiven eachother, but should I?” You stutter. “I mean, I have his child under my heart, but should I just run back to him?”

“You know you can stay here as long as you want to, but you know that he needs to be a part of Tiger’s life if he wants to!”

“I know, and I don’t want to close him out, I guess we are fine now...” you curl up more as he kisses the top of your head.

“Anyways when you move out I will miss you, maybe call you everynight like on the tour, darling!”

“We spendt only the last three days together!” You giggle.

“And I’m already used to cuddleing you!” He holds you closer.

“Me too, Fred! Me too!” You nod, and you already feel your dreams calling for you, and that he plays with your hair does not help. He starts to croon spread your wings still smoothing your hair, and you knew you lost this battle already.

You wake up in Roger’s arm as he takes you to your room. He looks nervous as you peek from behind your eyelashes. “I can fell you woke up little girl!” He quirks without looking down on you.

“You can put me down, I know I’m heavy!” You grimace.

“You are still not heavy enough!” He remarks a little mad.

“Hey! Mommy Fred made sure everyday I had been eating enough!” You speak back sleepisly.

“I heard that! Still will watch you eat, it is not a game anymore!” He puts you down on the bad, and you automaticly sit up.

“It was never a fucking game Roger! But believe me or not I want the best for my child so I had been trying my best to eat more and more!” You are angry now, even you just woke up. “But please tell me it was just a game in my life, and please tell me that I would risk my son’s life just to fill up that part of me that tells me always I’m too big, and I will walk you to the door without a doubt!” Your words are sharp, and even you say them they ate cutting too deep in you.

“I never said it was just a game!” He wishpers.

“But you think it was just that! No it wasn’t! Yes I still saw myself fat when we get together! Yes I needed time to get with it, and yes it could’ve been back, but I always wanted a family, and nothing could be more important than that!” You mumble madly.

“Love, calm down...”

“No!” You get out of his arms. “I can’t do this, if you look at me as a kid who plays a game with food!”

“I’m not, little girl!” He gets after you and grabs you into his arms. “I just want to make sure you eat enough! Nothing more! You were still light in my arms, I get afaird I admit it, sorry!” He mumbles into your hair. “I know how hard it was for you, never thought it was just a game!”

“Good!” You start to cry, from nowhere, or you had the right? You couldn’t say the hormones made you so moody.

“Hey, Hey baby girl What’s up? I made you cry?” He smooths your hair as you turn to him. He sits down with you in his lap and you immediately curl up in his arms.

“I don’t know! Now days I fucking don’t know!” You wishper into his shoulder.

“Ssshhh, ssshhh!” He slicks your hair more, and tries to comfort you. “It’s okay! It’s okay! You are growing a human inside you, the hormones are making your feelings extreme!”

“Did you really think I wouldn’t eat enough now risking our son’s life?” You cry out. It hurts more than anything.

“No! Babe, look at me!” He backs up a little bit, and pinches your jaw to make you look in his ocean eyes. “You are so fucking tiny, and light. I just don’t know... I don’t even know how far you are now, but I was away for two months and you almost weight the same... it just scared me!”

“18 weeks!” It just falls out of your mouth.

“What?”

“Yeah, I find it out later than most of the people...” you admit. “As unregular my period was I wasn’t concerned about being pregnant until I started to fell sick, to crave things, and to hate your cologne!”

“You do?”

“It makes me sick to my stomach!” You nod as you put your head back on his chest. “But the doctor said I weight normal, look healthy,and our son is doing great. He knows about my eating disorder, I told him!” You still have a little sharp in your words.

“I didn’t said you look unhealthy! Oh Babe, I’m sorry I didn’t wanted to make you cry, or feel like I don’t believe in you! I do!” He pulls you even closer and you try to calm down. It is hard, but you try your best. “I want to be with you, not against you!”

“I would like that too!” You wishper into his skin as his shirt is unbuttoned at the top as always. “I want it to work beside the fact both of us had mistakes.”

“Me too!” He smooths your hair as you start to fall asleep again. “Sleep little girl, sleep!”

~~~~~~~~~

Roger tried to spend most of his time at Fred’s, as you were not ready to move back in the first minute you two decided to not quit it. He gets there in the night today as he finishes in the studio working on his solo album.

He finds you in Freddie’s arms again, giggling, his hand on your stomach. “Trying to charme my son away?” He enters the room with a smirk on his face.

“He already loves me more, darling!” His laughter fulls the whole room.

“Let Tiger decide about it when he is out!” You get up to hug Roger who raises one eyebrow at you. “What?”

“Tiger?”

“It already grown on her, darling!” Chuckles Fred behind you, and you nod grimacing.

“Really?”

“Maybe...” You wishper, semi-amberessed. “Good night Fred!”

“Good night love birds!” He yells after you as you walk to your room.

“I have the day off tomorrow!” Says Roger as he sits down on the bed. “Don’t you want to come over to swim after two months not being in the pool?”

“To be fair, and to not have any secrets: just two weeks not being in your pool!” You don’t look in his eyes.

“What do you mean?” He looks confused.

“Well, the girls wanted to have a pool party, and the only pool that was available was yours. You left the keys where I put them back, so we let ourself in!” You can’t really look in his eyes. “Elena and Will really wanted revenge so maybe they drank all of your wishky on the four party we had...” you nictate at him, you are not sure he will be angry or will laugh it off.

“So you were at home four times, but when I ask you to come home you refuse?” He asks, but you can’t see anger in his eyes.

“First of all you were not home then and the pool was just calling us, second of all you know I can’t say no to my best friends, and third of all I just want this to work between us, so don’t rush things back in minutes...”

“We are going to be parents little girl, we have not much time before that!” He smooths your hair as you sit in his lap.

“I know, I know... I would love to swim with you tomorrow, maybe fall asleep on the sofa just like two years ago...” you wishper into his neck, while your fingers are playing on his nape with his hair.

“I would really like that!” He kisses your temple. “I really miss you from there baby girl!”

“Have you anything to cook? Or should I stop at Mira before I ride there?” You kiss his cheek.

“You want to ride your bike?” He looks at you in shock.

“I can, until it is not hard for me it is okay!” You say, but he still looks at you weird. “I did asked the doctor, by the way next time do you want to come with me?”

“Ofcourse I want to!” He kisses you pulling you closer.

My sweet perms:

@spacedustmazzello @simply-sams-things

Story tags:

@radio-hoo-ha @jennyggggrrr

[lawlerek]

Not good enough

Pairing: Sam Wilson x Reader, Steve Rogers x Ex!Reader, Steve Rogers x Sharon Carter

Word count: 8.4k

Summary: You were Steve's girlfriend for two years, but now he left you for Sharon. You found comfort in his best friend, Sam Wilson.

Warnings: angst. Steve is kind of a jerk, but it’s not his fault. xD

A/N: Gif’s not mine.

Ok, I just don’t like Sharon. Very much. And I’m still furious about Endgame ending, so in this AU it’ll never happend.

Also, it’s pretty late and I haven’t check this out yet. Sorry.

I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as me. ♥

An annoying bell sounded from the front door just as Sam was in the shower and the water drowned out everything. Fortunately for him and his neighbors, the visitor knew exactly where Wilson held the spare key, so intruder picked it up and opened the door. Steve Rogers didn’t care if his presence would please Sam. He was just so exhausted by this moment.

Honestly, Steve was fed up with everything. He almost wished he had been extracted from the ice. If he was still asleep, life would be simpler. In fact, his life was easier in the forties when he was still a skinny and weak guy from Brooklyn. At that time, no girl even wanted to look at him. The equation was simple: no girls = no problems in a love life.

Steve walked through the living room to the small kitchen, went to the fridge and pulled out two chilled beers, even though he knew that no amount of alcohol would help him. This was another huge minus of his situation — unconditional sobriety, anytime and anywhere.

The sound of the murmuring water broke off the moment Steve fell down on the couch with a groan. Then Steve heard the shower door sliding open, the rustling of clothes, the quiet humming of his best friend. After another five minutes Sam left the bathroom. Steve imagined all his actions — in sweatpants and a towel on his shoulder Sam was heading for his bedroom, but he noticed the light in the living room, so he stopped. Probably his shoulders tensed in anticipation. The man's heart instantly beat faster when he realized that a burglar was inside his house.

Steve preferred to suppress all violence in the bud.

"It's just me!” He called and took a sip of beer.

Sensible senses made Steve easily hear Sam breathe a sigh of relief. The soldier moved briskly toward the living room. He also wanted to throw some sarcastic remark, but at the sight of his friend, all words died in his mouth. Wilson cleared his throat and, with much less confidence, and with greater caution (as if approaching a wild dog) walked to the chair and sat on it. When he noticed the second bottle of beer on the table, he immediately reached for it and opened it without even bothering to look for the opener.

"So... did you do it?” He asked uncertainly. Steve nodded slowly, his empty eyes locked on the TV wall. "And how did she react?”

This time it was Steve who sighed so miserably that Sam felt sorry for him.

"At the beginning it was good... I guess. I think so?” Steve said quietly. "I don’t know. She was silent. I had no idea what to say and she just looked at me. ” Rogers paused as if to gather his thoughts together. He frowned thoughtfully. "Then she asked if I was joking and I almost answered her that yes. I almost begged to be forgiven!”

Sam settled himself more comfortably in the chair. He sensed that he would not go to sleep as early as he intended, but he didn’t blame his friend for it. He knew that this whole situation was hard for Steve. In the end, Rogers never really had a girlfriend, he never had to break up with anyone in his life. He had no idea that remorse was an indispensable part of saying goodbye, even if he was not guilty of anything. Well, maybe not quite.

"She wanted to cry," Steve continued. "I saw the tears in her eyes. But she refrained. I told her that it was not her fault. That it's all me…”

Sam moaned, despite the fact that he wanted to remain silence. Rogers looked surprised at his friend and blinked a few times with a big question mark on his face. Sam felt sorry for Steve even more. And a little bit angry.

"Dude, you never say such things. Now she definitly must be thinking that it was her fault!” Steve grimaced slightly and Sam felt remorse. He didn’t intend to be so dry in relation to a friend. "Sorry. You told her why you're breaking up with her?

Steve was even more confused, while Sam groaned louder.

"You didn’t tell her about Sharon? Are you kidding me?”

"I wanted to," Steve said defensively. "But I didn’t know how. [Y/N] was so broken... I didn’t want to kick her when she’s down.”

Sam didn’t know who to rage more. Steve, who screwed up everything in its entirety or you for not asking anything?

At Steve, he finally decided. It was not your fault. In fact, in all this situation you were the biggest victim.

You worked for Tony Stark and earlier for SHIELD under the command of Nick Fury. From the beginning you were in close cooperation with Captain America and his team, even though your participation in the missions was limited to office work and improvement of the equipment used by the team. You were beautiful and extremely clever and your technical skills made even Stark impressed. Your only guilt was that you fancied Captain America and agreed to go out with him for coffee.

Sam didn’t want to remind his friend, but he told him that everything would end badly. Of course, he was more concerned with affairs between employees. Wilson didn't think another woman could wrap Steve around her little finger, so he decided to leave [Y/N] after more than two years of relationship and your plans for the future.

Equally, Sam didn’t want to remind him that you will learn about Steve's new partner sooner than later, which is totally a kicking a lying one (after all, Steve complained to his friend many times that you were jealous every time when Sharon appeared in sight, what you didn’t know yet, but you had a real reason to feel insecure) and it would probably bounce back on Sam and his relationship with you.

And you two had meeting next week.

"Well," Sam began after a long silence. "I hope [Y/N] will not break down completely after discovering the truth.”

Steve put his beer on the table and hid his face in his hands, as if he could hide from the whole world in this way. The men were silent for a moment and the only audible sound was Sam's swallow of beer. At last Rogers spoke, but his voice was muffled.

"She deserves someone better than me.”

Sam didn’t say anything about it. In part because he just didn’t know what he could say in such a situation.

It was hard to tell if you were broken with the news, which with the speed of light spread through the Avengers Tower. Even if Sam knew that Steve wanted to be a little decent and to hide his fresh relationship with Sharon, one person in the headquarters who saw them together was enough. One person who heard one sentence too much and rumors began to spread faster than a forest fire.

It's the damned Captain America, Sam thought with anger, staring at your hands. Everyone wants to know everything about his private life.

The only thing Sam knew for sure was that you were brave as hell. It is true that it was obvious at first glance that you didn’t sleep well. Your face was pale and drawn and under the reddened eyes he could see purple bruises. You lost something of your vigor, all your movements were automatic and slow. You also got more clumsy and distracted, but he couldn’t denny your self-confidence. You've been walking all day through the corridors of the Avengers' headquarters with your head tucked up and your breast thrust forward and you didn’t hide like Sam expected you to do.

Your meeting was more than awkward. At least when it came to Sam. You tried to keep the face of a professional you were and you never even mentioned Stevie or Sharon. You explained Sam modifications to Sam and showed all improvements you made.

"You should test it," you said, putting a heavy pack of equipment on the metal table. "As soon as possible," you added, staring at Sam.

He was torn. He liked you and he got used to your relaxed side. To your laughter and the loose anecdotes you told him every time Wilson walked in your lab. Ever since you started dating Steve and becoming friends with him, Sam never left your lab earlier than after two hours and at least one cub of coffee. This time, however, Sam's visit lasted about ten minutes. You began to talk as soon as he crossed the threshold of the studio and never let him gave a word, even though he wanted to ask how you are doing.

Maybe that's better, Sam thought. In the end, you were evidently upset about Steve's behavior.

Scowled Sam picked up his equipment, signed the statement you gave him under his nose and headed for the exit. The man stopped just at the door and, ignoring the fact that it automatically opened, turned to say goodbye to you. He was surprised to find out that you were staring blankly at his back and your lips were trembling as if you were holding back to speak. But you didn’t have to say anything. Sam knew exactly what you meant and immediately got you through.

"He didn’t cheat on you or anything like that.” Wilson hated himself for how weak his voice sounded. "Everything just...” he broke off abruptly, not knowing what to say next. That everything all happened this way? That love doesn’t choose? It was a regrettable excuse. "It's really not your fault," he added and your eyes glazed. He wanted to throw himself under the train, stab himself or let himself be launched into space. Maybe then he would stop the folly that only hurt you more. "When you want to talk or just go outpop out for a drink, let me know. You look like you need it.”

And he left.

Although Sam really meant you to call him if necessary, he was extremely surprised when on saturday, about three weeks after your conversation, at nine in the evening his phone flashed and your face appeared on the screen. He thanked God or the gods (he couldn’t be sure of anything in this world anymore) that he was alone at home because he wouldn’t know how to react in the company of Steve.

He answered, feeling unpleasant sucking in his stomach. He was afraid that such a late conversation didn’t bring good news.

"[Y/N]?”

There was silence on the other side, which disturbed Sam.

"[Y/N], please speak. For God's sake," he mumbled, shifting from foot to foot.

"I'm sorry," you said in a weak voice. Sam relaxed, because he knew you had cried recently. "You're probably busy and I'm just bothering you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's nothing important, so...”

"You’re not bothering me," said Wilson, smiling slightly under his breath. "I'm glad you're calling," he added, even though he didn’t quite know why. He guess just to make you feel a little bit better.

You fell silent again, but this time Sam heard a dull clatter in the background. As if you were impatiently slapping your fingers on the back of the phone.

"What's up?” Man said mildly, switching off the television. He sat up more comfortably and put his legs on the table. He felt it would take a long time.

"I'm really sorry," you repeated mumbling. "I just don’t have anyone to talk to. Honestly, I shouldn’t call you either. God, I am such a burden to everyone! But lately I really cannot focus, because I still only see him with..." you broke off and Sam imagined that you were wrinkling your forehead.

Words left his lips faster than he could think about them:

"I'll be at your place in half an hour.”

As he promised, he was knocking on the door of your apartment half an hour later. Although Sam visited this place hundreds of times, this time every cell of his body and every brick house, shouted to him that everything is different. Not as it should be. Initially, Wilson couldn’t tell what the difference was. He simply climbed the stairs (the elevator, as usual, didn’t work), the bag with the logo of the 24-hour shop rustled in his hand and the bottles were buzzing inside. Your favorite wine and beer for him. And something stronger for both of you, just in case.

Standing in front of the door of your apartment, Sam wondered if it wasn’t strange that he knows what wine you like the most, but he reminded that it was normal when he sometimes accompanied Steve during shopping. Rogers very carefully selected all the products he bought for you, so it was obvious that all the details were stuck in his head. However, it illuminated him only when the wooden door opened and your silhouette appeared.

Sam never visited you without Steve. Never. Of course, it happened a lot of Times that he go to the apartment alone, but Steve was already waiting inside. And now you and Wilson were supposed to be alone in your home for the very first time.

Understanding fell on him and made for a great remorse that almost cut him off his feet. He immediately wondered if he was in any case putting his friendship with Steve to the test? Is he about to break some unwritten rule of buddies’ codex with comforting his friend’s ex? Even if the alleged friend behaved like a jerk?

Remember: tell Captain everything before he finds out.

You blinked in surprise. Sam thought that perhaps you didn’t take his words of immediate arrival to heart.

"Oh, Sam," you said in a broken voice. A man with heartache noticed the wet marks on your cheeks, the existence of which you probably didn’t quite realize.

"Sam Wilson's alcohol service comes to the rescue of a beautiful lady," the soldier replied in a false, cheerful tone, lifting the bag. "Can I come in?”

But you stared at Sam as if he was some kind of puzzle until your eyes lit up a little, the corners of your lips gently lifted. After a while you snorted a healthy laugh, from which you cried again. You didn’t really know if it was your mood's fault or the fact that Sam came to save you in his pajama pants. The man stood in the stairwell under your door in a thick sweatshirt, adidas and woolen gray checkered trousers.

Sam followed your gaze and realized too late of his fashion mistake (which explained the amused gazes of passers-by and shop assistants), but he thought that if his tomfoolery although slightly improved your mood, there is nothing to complain about. Unfortunately, remorse has only increased. In the end, what kind of guy is acting as stupid as he is?

Idiot, fool. You shouldn’t be here at all.

Rubbing your eyes with a fragment of a large T-shirt, you moved away from the door, letting the man come inside. In a separate passage of the room that served as the hallway, Sam took off his shoes and then followed you into the kitchen. Or rather to the kitchenette to the left of the front door. He put a plastic bag on the countertop and unpacked alcohol. He looked around the apartment while you were pulling out the glasses.

When it comes to furniture or the layout of the rooms, nothing has changed since Sam's last visit. Your flat consisted of one large room with separate zones: kitchen, dining and living room. Directly from the kitchen, there was a glazed door to the smallest balcony in the world. However, in the wall to the right of the entrance door, there were another two pairs of doors. One led to a small bathroom and the other to the bedroom.

Usually you were a very neat and orderly person, but Sam wasn’t surprised seeing this mess you made with pillows and blankets. An open album of your and Steve's pictures lay on the glass coffee table.

Sam looked away, pretended he didn’t notice.

"You didn’t have to come,” you finally said. Your cheeks were pink, lips bent and you avoided your friend's eyes. You took bottle of wine in your hands, as if you didn’t know what to do with it. "You probably think I'm pathetic, but you're too kind or you just feel sorry for myself to tell me to fuck of. Forgive me.”

"Stop this bullshit," Sam interrupted. He took wine and uncorked it yourself, seeing that your sluggishness. He poured alcohol into your glass. "You’re not pathetic and I know that you have to get used to this sudden change. I came because I wanted to. I will not leave a friend in need.”

You shuddered as if someone had hit you. Your cheeks became even more red.

"Well," you mumbled, taking the glass in your hand. You shyly raised your head and looked at Sams. "I'm very thankful. Really. You have no idea how much.”

Wilson nodded. He plugged the bottle back, then took out beer and put the rest of the alcohol in the fridge. He went around the table and sat on one of the three bar stools, so he was in front of you. Man opened the can and there was a small hiss of gas leaking.

"What happened, [Y/N]? At work you looked as if you were slowly going through it,” Sam added. He was uncertain whether he should say the last sentence, but the expression on your face didn’t change, which he took as a good sign.

For a long moment you remained silent, once slowly sipping wine, then again tapping your fingers against the glass with your eyes fixed on the balcony door. In the end, however, you sighed, stepped back a few steps and sat on the kitchen counter with unforced grace.

"Listening to rumors is one thing and seeing it with your own eyes…” You finally said, avoiding man's gaze. He could see perfectly well that you were trying to stay calm and not to burst into tears again. He appreciated it. "Just... It seemed so unreal, you know? I was thinking that Steve isn’t like that. That he would leave me for another woman. I thought people gossip because they have some sick satisfaction from this situation,” you began blinking quickly, trying to chase away the tears. You lifted a glass to your lips and drank its contents. You leaned your head against the wall and looked straight at Sam. You seemed to be smaller than usual. More helpless and lost. You looked miserable, man noticed, feeling shame for himself.

However, he admitted to you in the depths of his soul. He also personally believed that his friend would never be capable of such an act. He disappointed both of you.

"And yet I met him today,” you continued. "In the corridor. He flirted with her like it was nothing. He laughed. He touched her arm. He didn’t care that others could see. He behaved exactly like when he was with me. It hurts. The fact that I meant so little to him. Not much enough that he didn’t even bother to tell me about this bitch by himself,” you hissed in a poisonous tone. Wilson couldn’t get over the speed with which your mood changed.

There was heavy silence in the room. Sam raged at himself and that he couldn’t choose a side. That he put himself in a desperate situation when you cried to him, but at the same time loyalty to a friend wouldn’t let him say a single bad word about him. That is why he was silent, drinking only beer. When he finished the first can, he immediately got up, went to the fridge and pulled out another one. All this mess was over his nerves.

"I felt humiliated,” you added after some time. "Becouse he replaced me so quickly. ‘Couse she took my place. Of all the women in the world, it must have been her! After all...” Your voice broke down. "After all, she’s better than me. Prettier. Smarter. More resourceful. She has an amazing job. People respect her. She’s strong. And, of course, her name is Carter,” you said and Sam remembered your jealousy about everything that had anything to do with Steve's first love. Reasonable, it meant. Even if Steve didn’t always want to admit it. But even Wilson had to agree that Captain's attachment to Peggy, almost an obsession with her and her family's life, including Sharon's might have disturbed everyone.

Unfortunately, Sharon was not a saint either. He liked her for a while when he met her, but there was always something about her that made him feel uncomfortable. She treated Steve like a reward that she just deserves. Sharon was nice to you, but at first glance Sam could see that she does not treat you as a threat, but rather like a simple obstacle that can be easily avoided. As you can see, she did it.

"Sharon isn’t better than you," Sam said irritably. He came to you and grabbed you by your shoulders. He wanted to shake you, slap you, do anything it was necessary for you to see for yourself. For you to see how amazing you were. That Sharon couldn’t match you, not the other way. "She can easily manipulate people. She manipulated Steve. Do you think I'm not mad at how he acted? You said that he would never do it in a normal way! But what can we do about it? We should just let him burn by himself. Then he will realize what treasure he voluntarily released from his hands.”

"What if not?” You asked in a trembling voice in which were hidden huge layers of pain and longing.

"It will be a sign that you deserve someone better.”

You opened your eyes wide, staring at Sam. Thanks to the fact that you were sitting on the counter, so your eyes were on more or less one level and it made everything easier.

The silence was prolonged and you were still staring at each other. Wilson felt the tension that formed between the two of you, but he couldn’t let you go. He couldn’t look away. He just stood there and watched you hypnotized. He saw your worried face and evidence of lack of sleep.

"It's funny that it’s you who understand me. Or say that. After all, you're the closest person to him," you whispered. Your warm breath with a hint of alcohol touched man's face. "Nobody wants to talk to me about it. Nobody believes me. They say it's all my fault. >Steve Rogers?,< they say. >This Captain America? It’s impossible. You had to encourage him somehow. You must have been not good enough for him.<” Finally you couldn’t stand it. Tears of helplessness and sadness rolled down your cheeks, but Sam tried to rub his thumbs with it. You began to cry loudly and your body shudders. Wilson couldn’t tell how long he stood like that, embracing you and trying to provide you with emotional support. In the end, however, you calmed down a bit and began to continue in a broken voice, additionally muffled by thick material of his sweatshirt, in which you pressed your face. "My friends told me that. Damn it! My mother told me that! She raged at me because she lost such a wonderful potential son-in-law. >It is your fault! What did you do to him? How did you manage to scare him away? How badly did you treat him if he had to seek for comfort in another’s the arms?<”  You were sobbing again. Sam could feel your fists on his back, desperately clenching on his sweatshirt. You clung to it as if it were your last resort. "So finally I thought… I thought that since everyone is repeating this around, it's probably the truth. Isn’t it?”

Sam was shocked. He knew that the environment always put pressure on you. The whole society required a lot from the girl of the Golden Boy of America. First and foremost — they had to know that you were worth him, however horrible it would sound. In the end, more than one evening Sam listened to Steve's complaints about the media, which gave no peace to any of you. Meeting Steve was like arranging a world-class celebrity – Americans were expecting someone as great as Steve himself. And as they didn’t know you, they considered you as ballast. They didn’t know how wonderful you were and that Steve is the one who should deserve you.

Wilson supported you both because he loved you two. He saw how you look at each other, he knew that you were happy together, even despite the pressure of the media. After all, society finally calmed down. And now? Even if the public knew the whole truth, no one would believe it.

Because real Steve would never act like a jerk.

And since Captain America would never hurt his girlfriend (almost a fiancée!), It means that she did something wrong, right?

Only now it all came to Sam. How lonely you must have felt with the whole company against you. How helpless and hopeless you felt when even your own family tells you that you’re not good enough.

Man in one second felt so angry that he wanted to destroy something. Someone, something. And the best option was his own best friend. No. It would also be unfair. Sam wanted to get rid of Sharon. In the end, she messed up everything. At first by pretending to be a sweet nurse living next door to Steve in Washington. Then, unscrupulous, setting Steve against you and wrapping him around her finger.

Sam stroked you gently on your back and put his head on top of yours. At that moment he wanted to be your shield. He wanted to hide you somewhere where you wouldn’t suffer. Somewhere, where you'll find happiness again.

"This is not true," he said haughtily. "And don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. You’re the most wonderful person I've ever met. So don’t you dare tell yourself that it’s different," he repeated.

[thefictioness]

Alone: A Remus Lupin Fanfic

It had been a terrible, terrible night. Every fiber of his body was stiff, and moving around hurt. And the exhaustion, oh the exhaustion was the worst part. He was too tired and cold to fall asleep as the sun rose over the Scottish hills. It was morning. He tried to collect himself. limping, he went looking for the exit to the woods. Day ten, and no sign of unusual, werewolf-related activity. It did not matter that the day had just started. He desperately needed a drink. 

Being undercover in this small wizarding town wasn’t too bad, Remus mused. He could go about his magical mission without having to hide anything, while He knew where to be to gain information about the surrounding area. The only letdown was that the season allowed it to freeze at night and, unfortunately for Remus, that was when he had to be active. Apparently, the town had vallen victim to unruly werewolf activity - dissapearances, theft and rumours had made even the Order suspicious, and who better to investigate than a werewolf?  To Remus, it did not matter. A job was a job. In the end, he thought as he rubbed his hands together, it seemed to be indefinable rumours. He entered the local pub, called the Speckly Toad’s Inn, and was greeted by merry chattering. Remus came to an halt and blinked. He didn’t expect the pub to be this packed at this hour. Forgetting the cold, he slowly walked on, making his way over to the bar. What were all these people doing here? Had something happened? “Well hello there! If it isn’t Remus! Man, you look absolutely terrible!” Remus smiled at the burly, moustached man. “Hi there Boyd. I sure feel a bit down, but nothing a drink won’t help.” Boyd turned towards the bartender. “Oy! Give this man your best firewhiskey! We’re celebrating after all!” Remus frowned as he received his drink. “What are we celebrating exactly? I have never seen the Toad so crowded.” He took a sip as Boyd eyed him in disbelief.  “Blimey, haven’t you heard? The war is over! You-Know-Who is dead!” At the last statement, everyone in the pub cheered. Now it was Remus’ turn to look astonished.  “Pull the other one, Boyd. Surely you’re telling a joke?” “He’s not!” The bartender told Remus as he poured him another drink. “He was defeated last night!” Remus suddenly felt really warm and fuzzy, and it wasn’t the firewhiskey. “You mean we’re free?” “Of course we are! Cheers mate!” Remus was putting the glass to his mouth, when he suddenly changed his mind. Curious, he asked, “How was he actually defeated?” It seems more people had heard his question, as suddenly the pub went silent.  “Well,” Boyd began. “That’s still a piece of mystery.” “Rumour has it, he was after some toddler. The parents went in hiding, but in vein. He sorted them right out, he did,” the bartender continued The fuzzy feeling left Remus completely. His heart throbbed. “He found them?” “He sure did. Poor lads didn’t stand a chance. But the baby- the baby somehow survived,” Boyd could barely sit still on his stool. “Blew up half the house too. And then he was gone! Just like that!” Remus found it hard to breathe. his head was spinning. “Did you- Do you happen to know the toddler’s name?” Boyd laughed. “Of course! He’s right famous now!” He heaved his glass high. “To Harry Potter - the boy who lived!” Remus’ glass slipped out of his hand, and shattered on the ground. He had to hold himself up against the bar.  “A bit tipsy? Didn’t know you were such a lightweight. Hey! Where are you going?” Remus did not answer. He was already dashing out the door. Outside, it had started to rain, but Remus did not feel it, nor did he care. He ran. He ran until his eyesight was blurry. He ran until his knees gave out. He stumbled on, until he was out of earshot from the village, and howled. 

Remus could later barely remember the trip he made towards Godric’s Hollow. Apparently, it had been the secret hideout for James and Lily. Or rather, it was. Remus refused to believe what happened until he saw it with his own eyes. Walking down the church lane, he knew to follow the entourage of wizards and witches, until he could walk no more. A large group had gathered at what seemed to be a cottage. Remus’ heart got stuck in his throat as he made his way through the crowd. It was terrible. The eastern side of the house, as well as a big part of the roof, had completely collapsed. There was rubble all through the garden. Remus could look into what had been the living room. For a fleeting moment, he could imagine James and Lily sitting on the Sofa, their little son Harry in their lap. Remus was overtaken by emotion. As he wiped away his tears, he got noticed by another bystander. An old, wrinkled lady looked at him in symphaty. “Very sad, innit? And to think they were betrayed by their best friend, too.” “Betrayed...” Remus’ eyes widened.  “Sure. Their secret keeper tattled their address to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Otherwise he probably wouldn’t have known.” Remus clenched his fists. No, this could not be true. The lady sighed. “I sure would have loved to see it another way too. First betraying his friends, then blowing up a street of muggles in a chase. It took them hours to catch him and all he did was laugh. Strange and dangerous lad, that Sirius Black. 

His impatience was driving him crazy as he was pacing back and forth in front of the office door. Anger, sadness and confusion kept circling inside him,making him unable to stop pacing. It was making him sick. He tried his best to listen to the conversation Dumbledore was having in his office, hoping that they would hurry up. “Bartemuis, I deem it very unwise of you to go through with this.” “I have no choice. All the evidence points clearly towards him being the perpetrator. Having a trial after all what happend would cause a riot! He is as guilty as can be. Besides, I can’t allow such a dangerous criminal in my courtroom.” “But Bartemius-” “Besides, no one in their right mind would want to defend the criminal. They would be shunned by society, or even be sentenced a Death Eater themselves! No, I am sending him straight to Azkaban! Now if you will excuse me, I must get back to the ministry...” Remus stepped away from the door as footsteps approached. The door swung open, and Barty Crouch passed him, rushing down the spiral staircase. Remus stared.  “Ah, Remus. Come in.” Remus was shaken out of his thoughts when Dumbledore called him. He entered the office, closing the door behind him. He was greeted with the familiar sight of silver instruments on small tables, and Fawkes resting on the top of his cage. Without waiting for Dumbledore to speak, Remus began. “Is it true?” Dumbledore smiled sadly. “I am afraid that all of it is true.” Remus sank into the chair at the other side of the desk, burying his face in his hands. When he gained te strength to speak again, he asked: “How? How could this happen?” Dumbledore tapped his fingertops together. “I assume you’ve heard the rumours?” Remus nodded.  “It seems that... after the the events at Godric’s Hollow, Peter Pettigrew got air that Sirius had betrayed James and Lily. Without warning the ministry or the Order, he went after Sirius.” Remus did not react, so Dumbledore continued. “It came to a showdown in a muggle street.” Remus swallowed hard. Poor Peter. He would have never been a match for Sirius, who was an extremely skilled duelist.  “The explosion killed twelve muggle bystanders.” “And Peter? What about Peter?” Dumbledore looked at Remus through his half round spectacles. His eyes would normally twinkle, but it seemed as though all the lights had gone out. Remus felt the pressing sense of dread. Dumbledore did not speak. Instead, he reached for a small, black box on his desk, and pushed it towards Remus. “The investigators believe that this is all that there is left of Peter Pettigrew...” Remus made a horrid noise. He was shaking. “No...” “Seeing as there is nothing more to investigate, mister Crouch has asked me to return this to Peter’s mother. She will also be receiving his Order of Merlin. In the meantime, Sirius will be sentenced to Azkaban. For life.” “No!” Remus yelled, closing his eyes and putting his hands over his head. He wanted to shield himself from everything Dumbledore was telling him. He wanted to shield himself from the truth, wishing this was not real. But Remus knew that wishes, unlike spells, did not come true. He took a deep breath.  “And Harry? What is to become of him?” Dumbledore cleared his throat. “For his own protection, we have transferred Harry to live with his uncle and aunt, Lily’s only sister. He will be safe away from all the publicity until he’s ready to come to Hogwarts.” Remus clenched his jaw and grabbed his trousers tight.  “Remus... You must understand. It would be better if you let the boy be...” “But...” “Better for both you and him. What you need now, is time to heal.” “What I need right now is my friends. Peter, and Sirius, and James...” Remus faltered. He felt the tears burning behind his eyes. What did Dumbledore know. Their bond was special. Something like this happening between his friends was unthinkable, and now they were all gone.  “This must be a very heavy burden on you. Considering the support your friends gave you at Hogwarts, but even afterwards, a crushing loss like this is quite a feat. Still, there is a chance for one last goodbye. Mrs. Pettigrew is holding a special service for her son, and-” “NO!” Remus sprang from his chair, which toppled over. “I want NOTHING!” Fawkes cawed, disturbed by Remus’ shout. Remus sank to the floor.  “I have nothing... Everything... Is gone...” “Remus. It is unlike you to act this way. You, who had nothing but unfortunate events to begin with. In time, it will all come back to you, perhaps someday even in Harry. But not now. Right now, you need time to work through this. Only when whole can one mend things that are broken. Yes, you are alone now. But so was James when he died, and Peter. Sirius was alone when they caught him and put him in Azkaban. Don’t let this loneliness get the best of you too.” Remus got up and nodded. “Thank you for your time.” Then, he walked out of the office. Alone.

[iamfallinforeverything]

Talk

So, there's something I need to get off my chest and this is the only way I know without getting on my friends nerves. I probably messed up the timeline, but I just wrote from memory and what fitted best. 

Fandom: The Originals (Kol Mikaelson)

Summery: You and Kol need to Talk about something.

Warnings: it could be a little bit sad so angst? and swearing 😅

“We need to talk Kol.”

“I don’t have time for your bullshit right now, can’t you see? I’m working as opposed to you darling.”, he answered with so much contempt and sobriety in his voice.  

“Kol please. It’s important.”, I said pleadingly. 

“I can’t imagine one single thing that’s more important than this, my love. Can you leave now? I want to talk with my brother in private.”, and with that he shoved me out of the room and closed the door behind me. 

He looked at me with so much disgust. As if I was rancid blood. Maybe I was. Maybe I was already to old for him. 

Alone I went back to my room. I still had my own although I hadn't slept in this bed for weeks. I was sleeping in Kols bed and everyone here knew that. And still he treated me like shit, as if I was a nobody and not his lover. What have I done wrong to deserve this treatment? 

I sat down on the little balcony to read one of the many books Kol gifted me, but Elijah had different plans. 

“Y/N, I’m going to run some errands. Do you want to join me?”, he asked from the door. 

Elijah wouldn’t accepct a no, I knew that, so I said yes. Also I wanted to get out of that depressing room of mine.

“I’d love to Elijah.”, I answered him and got back up.

I put some shoes on and a light jacket. I threw my wallet and my phone into a purse and looked at Elijah. 

“Where are we going?”, I asked as we left my room. 

“You’ll see little mockingbird.” , Elijah answered and I followed him.

We went into the garage and he opened the passenger door of his car. Gladly I let myself slid into the seat and put the seatbell on. Meanwhile Elijah walked around the car and sat inside the car as well. He started the enginee and I looked out the window. I watched as he elegantly drove the car out of the garage and led it then safely through the streets of New Orlans. Slowly we left the busy streets behind us. I could recognized the way Elijah drove and knew that he would bring us into the Bayou where Hayley lived. I got excited because I knew I would see my good friend again. I haven’t seen her in such a long time. 

The car stopped after some time and I could already see Hayley coming out of the little hut.  

“Y/N!”, she smiled as I got out of the car. 

“Hayley.”, I smiled back and hugged her tight. 

“What are you two doing here?”, she asked and then looked at Elijah. 

“I thought our little mockingbird needed to talk to you.”, Elijah answered and put his hands inside of his suit pockets. 

I smiled at him. Of course he had heard what Kol said to me. 

“Also I thought the two of you could do a little sleepover.”, Elijah answered and opened the trunk of his car and took one of my bags out of it. When did he pack that?

Jackson came out of the hut and said: “I’ll take that.” 

Elijah just nodded and gave him my bag. Jackson nodded back and I smiled at him as he passed by us. 

“I’m going to pick you up tomorrow afternoon.”, Elijah said. 

“Okay. Thank you Elijah.”, I smiled. 

He just nodded and got back inside his car. 

“So firstly you have to tell me why the hell Elijah calls you mockingbird.”, Hayley laughed. 

I laughed as well and answered: “I don’t know. Maybe because I'm always humming some tv commercials.” 

“That’s going to be it mockingbird.”, Hayley smiled and I just rolled my eyes. 

We went to the footbridge that was by the little hut. We just sat there and talked about everything and nothing. Hayley told me about what it was like living in the Bayou and I told her about what it was like living with the Mikaelsons. 

We laughed alot and I was finally some kind of happy again. If there wouldn’t have been the stuff I wanted to talk about with Kol. 

After Dinner Hayley and I went back outside. We just laid on the floor and looked at the stars. In New Orlans it was almost impossible to see some stars because of all the lights, but here, in the Bayou, I could see every single one. 

“Y/N?”, Hayley asked after a while of silence. 

“Yes?”

“What happend?”, she asked without looking at me. 

“What do you mean?”, I asked back because I had really no idea what she meant. 

“Why are you here? Elijah wouldn’t bring you to me if nothing would have happend.”, she explained.

I took one deep breath and folded my hands over my belly. 

“It was nothing. I just wanted to talk to Kol about something and he said that he don’t have time for me. Nothing new.” I shrugged. 

“That’s not nothing.” 

I just shrugged again and looked at one of the brightest stars. 

“For me it is. There is so much other stuff between us. The only time he has for me is inside of his bed.”

“You need to stop doing that to yourself. You know that Kol won’t change for you and that he will forever treat you like shit.”, Hayley said and I could feel her eyes on me but I just kept on looking at the stars. 

“I know. But I don’t want to loose him. He can be different. He is different when it’s just us.” 

“Yeah, because he wants to fuck you. That’s all.” 

“I know. I know that but I don’t have the strength to change it. I'd rather have him like that than not at all.”, I said and I could feel how tears started to form in my eyes. 

“But it’ll destroy you.” 

“And if it does? It wouldn’t matter anyway.” 

“Don’t talk bullshit. It would matter! You’re my friend and I don’t want to see you so unhappy. He isn’t good for you Y/N.”, Hayley said obtrusively and sat up to look at me.  

“I know that he isn’t good for me. I know. All I can think about is him. I can’t even picture myself being with someone else. I just can’t.” 

“And no one says you have to. Now. You should just stop letting him play with you. You’re a human being with feelings and needs and if he’s just being a completly dickhead towards you, then you should let him go. He can be a dickhead to someone else.”

“You’re right Hayley. But it isn’t that easy for me.” 

“I know. But that’s what you have to do to feel good again. You’re never going to be happy like that.” 

I nodded and Hayley laid back down. 

“I can talk with him if you want.”, she said. 

“No. That’s something I need to do myself. I just have to be strong enough.” 

“You are. You just need to find that strength again. And I’ll help you with that.” 

“Thank you Hayley. You’re the best.”, I said and looked at her smiling. 

“I know. You don’t have to tell me.”, she smiled and I laughed. 

We laid there under the sky full of stars for a little bit longer and just looked at them. 

It was late when we went back inside the hut and fell asleep.

Jackson let us sleep in and made us a really nice breakfast. I haven't been as relaxed as this morning in a long time. In the Mikaelsons household I was always tensed and tried to be as invisible as possible. 

After our breakfast Hayley and I just sat outside and talked for a little bit longer. She showed me pictures of Hope, who was still living somewhere outside of all this bullshit with Rebekah. She missed her and I could understand that. If I had a little daughter who was living far away from me I would miss her as well. Hayley had so much going on in her life and she was still there for me and helped me with my Kol bullshit. 

Late in the afternoon came Elijah to pick me up. My heart got heavy and I just didn’t wanted to leave. Here I could be... myself. They accepted for who I am and I didn’t have to turn myself into a ghost. 

Hayley and I stood up and she immediately wrapped her arms around me. 

“I’m going to miss you little mockingbird.”, she laughed and I just rolled with my eyes. 

“I’m going to miss you too.”, I answered. 

“Come back soon, alright?”, Hayley said as she let go of me. 

“I will.”, I smiled. 

Hayles smiled back at me and I turned around to look at Elijah. 

He smiled at me kind of sadly. I was sure he knew that I didn’t wanted to go back. Kol would be pissed, I was sure about that. I left without saying something but in fact it was Elijahs fault. He kidnapped me and brought me into the bayou. 

“Elijah?”, I asked as we drove into the streets of New Orlans. 

“Yes?”, he asked back. 

“Can you like.. kill me? Before Kol does it, you know.” 

“He won’t Y/N. I’ll make sure of that. You’re not his property and you can do whatever you want. He is the last one to have a right to be angry. You are the one who should be angry. He dosen’t treat you the way you deserve it. Don’t let him make you feel like... well, shit.”, Elijah shrugged and I had to laugh. 

Hearing Elijah swear was something that happend rarely and when it happend it was hilarious. Elijah was the one who was most noticeable to have grown up in a completely different time. He was elegant, had class and behaved like a real gentleman. But sometimes the “new time” or whatever you want to call it, slipped through and it just sounded wrong. As if it shouldn’t come out of his mouth.

“It’s difficult Elijah. He has so much temper and then he’ll just shut down. And then it's more rewarding to talk to a wall than to him. It’s exhausting.”, I sighed. 

“I know, but you have to fight throught that. You’ll have to scream and you have to be persistent. He's stubborn and you’ll have to be more stubborn. You can do this, I know it. You’re strong. And even if he’s trying to kill you, I’ll have your back and kill him first. He’ll come back, you won’t and I will not let that happen, okay? Don’t worry mockingbird.”

Elijah parked the car infront of the Mikaelsons house. I was nervous and my heart was beating so fast I thought it would jump out of my chest. I took a deep breath and went inside the house next to Elijah. I wasn't even completely through the gate when Kol was already standing infront of me. His eyes were full of anger and I could see how much it took of his self-control to stay somewhere near calm. 

“Where the fuck were you?”, he said angry. 

I looked anxiously at Elijah, who just nodded at me. He briefly put his hand on my back and then left. But I knew that he was nearby and would listen to us, which gave me security. 

I took a deep breath, walked around him and said: “Somewhere.” 

Kol walked around me with his vampire speed and stopped right infront of me. I got scared and took a step back, which Kol took immediately back into my direction. I could feel his breath on my skin which scared me even more. 

“You’re going to tell me where the fuck you were.”, he hissed.

“No. I’m not your fucking toy. You can’t use me whenever it pleases you. I’m my on person and I can decide on my own where I go.”

Kol growled and looked deeply into my eyes. He always does that because he wanted to be the stronger one, the superior one, but this time I wouldn’t give up. Today I was the stronger one. I wouldn’t look down. 

Kol growled even more and turned around. He speeded to the other side of room and punched the wall. It immediately crumbled into small pieces. 

“Y/N, can you please tell me where the fuck you were and why Elijah, of all people, took you?”, Kol said and looked at me. 

“I told you.” 

“You said somewhere.” 

“Yeah, I told you Kol. I’m tired of your bullshit. I’m enough to keep you’re bed warm late at night and the rest of the time I’m like a fucking ghost. Because if I’m to loud or if I dare to talk to you, you’re just screaming at me. I’m done with your bullshit Kol. I’m done.”, I said and crossed my arms infront of my chest. 

“Are.. are you breaking up with me?”, Kol asked shocked. I never thought he would react that way. 

“How can I break up with you? We were never in a relationship.” 

“You know what I mean. Are you done? Are you really done?”

“If you keep treating me like that, then yes. I deserve more than that. I deserve more than screaming and a quickie.” 

He looked at me without understanding, like I was stupid. He came closer and looked me in the eyes again. 

“Fine. Then leave if you deserve more than me.” 

“Kol, I deserve more than you’re treatment. I know that you can be different, because I see that every single night. But I don’t want to be your foot pedal at day.”, I said softly.

Kol looked down and I took some steps in his direction. I put my right hand on his cheeks and pulled his head softly up. I looked into his beautiful eyes and saw all the pain from the last years. 

“Kol, I don’t want leave. I don’t want to leave you, but I can’t keep living like that. It hurts Kol. And I don’t want to be hurt anymore.” 

He nodded and put his hands on my waist. 

“Y/N, I don’t want to loose you. Don’t leave.”, he begged.

I pulled my eyebrows together and looked at him sadly. 

“Kol, you already have.” 

His walls crumbled down and tears formed in his eyes. I never thought Kol would cry. But I know it was the right thing. I needed to leave. I needed to heal and become myself again. I needed to do that. 

“Don’t leave me. Please Y/N.”

“I have to. I need to heal form the damage you made Kol. I’m not myself anymore. I realized that yesterday.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Y/N. Please, please don’t leave Y/N.” 

I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight. Kol wrapped his arms around my back and laid his head on top of mine. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to breath his individual scent in one more time. I slowly let go of him and looked at him. 

“Goodbye Kol.”, I said and my arms dropped to the side of my body. 

“I’m going to fight for you. I’m not going to give up.”, Kol said and his famous fire returned to his eyes. 

I smiled and stroked his cheek one last time. 

“I know.”, I answered. 

I turned around and went upstairs to pack my things. Elijah was already there and some bags laid across my bed. 

“You’re doing the right thing Y/N.”, he said and tears started to stream down my face. 

“Why does it feel so wrong then?”, I asked. 

“It’s going to be better.” 

I nodded and opened the first drawer of my dresser. I took some of my clothes out and put it into one of the bags. 

“I’ll do that mockingbird. Don’t worry.”, Elijah said and shoved me lovingly out of the way. 

I couldn’t see what he was doing because he was using his vampire speed. In only a couple of minutes all of my stuff was in the bags. It wasn’t much anyway. 

“I’ll bring that into my car. You’ll wait here.”, Elijah said and in each hand he had at least three bags. 

I just nodded and Elijah speeded away, just to come immediatly back. He took the last few bags and I just looked at him. I didn’t even know where I should go now. 

“Come on mockingbird. I’ll bring you out of here.”, he smiled and I started to follow him. 

Kol was still standing where I had left him. I could see the tears on his face. I’ve never thought he would care so much. 

I went the stairs back down. Elijah never left my side and waited patiently for me. 

“It was a pleasure to meet you Y/N.”, I was shocked when I heard Klaus speak from above. Of course he also had to say something, even if it was only a simple farewell.

“Me too Klaus. Thank you for letting me stay here for so long.”, I answered and looked at him. 

He nodded and put his hands on the railing. I smiled, looked one last time at Kol and then went outside. I left this house behind me, together with Kol. 

I need a new start. Without Kol and his crazy family, expect from Elijah. Surprisingly was he the normal one. 

“Where are we going?”, I asked as Elijah started to drive. 

“You’ll see little mockingbird.”, Elijah answered and smiled widely. 

I knew exactly where we were going and I couldn’t be happier.

I’m going to feel better. I’m going to heal. I’m going to be fine. With Hayley, Jackson and Elijah by my side.  

I’m going to get through this. 

[mcgrathandwives]

Someone To Lean On.

Request: 🏳️‍🌈HAPPY MONTH!🏳️‍🌈 I was wondering if it's possible for you to write a coming out piece? With the Avengers? Perhaps your family found out and it wasn't exactly the best so you had Nat or Wanda take you back to the compound and you tell everyone what happend? The Avengers being like your second family and they shower you in support? Include Carol, Nebula and Gamora too please?

A/n: reader's in their 20s. They don't live with their parents but visit every weekend or every month when they have time off. Low-key based on my coming out, but obviously it's changed up a little for the benefit of the fact my coming out was angsty af.

I DONT OWN MARVEL OR ANY OF THEIR CHARACTERS.

Word count: 3,399

Pairing: The Avengers x Reader.

--

The sun setting crept its way through the window, Natasha leaned against your doorframe as you finished packing your bag. "You ready kid?" She offered to drop you off before making her way out to meet Maria for drinks. Slinging your bag over your shoulder, you squeezed by the assassin. "Y'know I'm far from a kid, Romanoff!"

Quickly you bid the others goodbye, Carol pulled you into a quick hug, whispering "Good luck." She knew how tough your family can be after a mission. Luckily you weren't too banged up this week, but that didn't mean there wasn't fresh wounds.

The drive to your childhood home was mostly quiet, Natasha did sing along to a few songs on the radio just to cheer you up a little. She's always without a doubt brought a smile to your face, at first it started as a crush- only on your part of course, she is the Black Widow after all.

But still, she took you under her wing, she became your mentor and then watched you get flustered around Wanda. Nat's been your number one since you joined the team, she really treats you like family.

Pulling up outside the house, she offers you a small smile, reaching over to hug you. "If you need anything I'm just a call away, kid."

"Thanks Nat. Don't flirt with Hill too much now." You left the car giggling at her face. It's really not a secret to you that Natasha has a thing for Maria so to make up for her teasing you about Wanda you gotta give her a little taste of her own medicine.

You did learn from the best, after all.

---

Laughter echoed around the house the second you opened the door, the smile on your face never leaving. You made your way to greet everyone and let your mom scan over your injuries, it killed you know how upset they made her but she was proud of you for doing your job, even if she didn't agree with it. You retired to your bedroom an hour or so after getting home.

The next day you woke up to a few texts from Wanda, she was wondering if you'd be interested in attending the pride parade with her and the other Avengers. Naturally you said yes, with the parade being on Monday you didn't have to cancel any family plans and it would be the first time you attended the parade since coming out so it brought a new excitement to the event.

Later in the day you helped your mom with some grocery shopping and stopped for a few photos with different people and the drive back was full of laughter as you both sang along to whatever playlist your siblings made.

You helped your dad prep for dinner as your siblings did some chores around the house. "Any plans this week Y/n?"

You were hesitant to mention going to pride with the others, you weren't exactly out and proud around your family. That's not to say all of your family didn't know, after all, the Avengers knew and they've never been more supportive, Tony and Steve have spent many an hour trying to help you work out how to 'come out' to your family.

Wanda and Carol were there for every failed attempt. Bucky, Sam and Clint were more than happy to lend you a shoulder to cry on every time you freaked out about coming out.

Nebula and Gamora had also spent a good bit of time with you, Nebula understood where you were coming from the most, she knew disappointment better than anyone. Gamora however didn't understand why you didn't just tell them like you did with her.

Thor, however, he was always willing to pretend to be your boyfriend for as long as you needed, he joked about it a lot. He was there on one occasion listening to way your dad spoke about the LGBT+ community. He understood your apprehension and did try his hardest to help you, that even mean introducing you to Brunnhilde. She didn't quite grasp the difficulty of it since she wasn't fully up-to-date on Earth's prejudices. Nevertheless, she offered her best advice as well as her time- she's one of the few people you knew that was actually out and didn't care what anyone had to say.

Natasha though?

She's been there for every second of it, from being the first person you came out to, holding your hand through every other moment of coming out to the team. She's been there for every heartbreak and she's held your hand through it all, she knew how nervous you were about being judged based on your sexuality. She knew all the stories from your school days to actually hearing first hand your family's opinion on some members of the LGBT+ community.

The team is incredibly supportive and proud of you and they made sure you knew it.

Being partly out and in the closet at the same time brings enough challenges, you're a big believer in only coming out when you, and you alone, decide when it's time.

"Em, not much actually. We have a few missions here and there and the pride parade."

Your dad stopped for a second before shaking his head, "Well, we'll have to discuss that after dinner. I can't have you getting hurt out there." His comment wasn't exactly harsh nor was it comforting, you weren't sure if he was talking about your missions or the parade but you brushed it to the side, focusing on peeling the veggies.

---

After dinner you offered to do the washing up, seeing it as an opportunity to build yourself up. To give you that final push, to come out to your parents. Half way through your inner pep talk your dad walked in, your mom following. "So pride huh?" The conversation barely started and already it struck a hint of anxiety through you.

"Yup!" You could feel the confidence drain from you quickly, "You and the Avengers?"

"Uh huh. It was Tony's idea that we be there." Your stomach was knotted with every word, heat rushing all over you. "For protection?" Your mom was quick to jump in, "Y'know for the gays? Instead of cops?"

Your arm reached behind your head, scratching at your neck, "Well partly but mostly to just celebrate. Since some of us-" Before you could finish, your dad cut you off.

"What do you have to celebrate? I don't understand why you'd be there if it's not for protection? It's not like you're going to show support for any of your friends, they clearly aren't going for your support either. I just don't understand why you'd be there."

All you could hear was your heartbeat increasing, to the point you were convinced that they could hear it too before you could process what your dad was saying you just blurted it out.

"I'M GAY!"

At that moment you watched your dad lose all self-control he had, his nostrils flared as his face went red. "How could you even know that?", "You haven't even lived your life enough to know that!", "Is it a phase? Is one your little Avenger buddies gay too?", "You don't have enough life experience to even consider being gay!" He was firing questions and statements left and right, each one getting louder.

You weren't sure if you were hurt or angry but either way, tears threatened to fall. Your back straightened, you were in flight or fight mode now and you've never backed down from a fight. "How can you even ask me that? How can you even say that!"

Your mom inched herself closer to you. "It's not a fucking phase! I've known for years! And yeah actually I do have 'enough' life experience to know my own fucking self!" By now you’d both gotten in each other's faces, flashbacks of past arguments swirled through your head as tears brimmed your eyes, this was it. "You're not gay. You can't be."

Tears started to fall freely, that it seemed to only anger your dad more, "Why are you crying? What is this not what you wanted? Not what you expected? Did you think we weren't going to have an adult conversation about this? You're too fucking young to know Y/n!" The tears fell faster now as your chest started to burn.

‘How could he be like this?’

‘What happened to I'll always support you without judgment?'

"Welcome to the real world! Not everyone is just going to take what you have to say and not question it! I'm in my given right to ask this! Stop! Fucking! Crying!"

Anger bubbled its way through you, "FUCK YOU!" Your mom froze, she'd be in many arguments with you and your dad before but never once had you really spoke to him like this, no bratty attitude, not snide comments just a firm tone. "I WAS FUCKING SCARED TO COME OUT! BECAUSE I KNEW. I KNEW YOU'D REACT LIKE THIS!" Admittedly his scoff hurt more than his words. "You and your generation, you all think you're entitled to have the flags out, and everyone claps for every little achievement you've made! I knew! I already knew! But here you have to announce it like it's news! Grow the fuck up!" Your mom managed to make her way between the pair of you, creating enough distance, she knew neither of you would try anything now. She had created a gap for you to get out of the room.

You couldn't take anymore, the shouting mixed with your panic attack burned your throat. Your chest felt like it was on fire and no matter how hard you wiped your eyes the tears wouldn't stop. Making a break for your room, you grabbed your phone, dialing the first number you could.

----

"Hello? Y/n?" Wanda's voice was laced with worry, panic washed over the other Avenger as you choked on a sob. "I-I need you to come, get me." She knew you could hear the muffled movements just like she could hear your dad shouting, Wanda stayed on the call with you, hearing everything your dad was saying, she refused to hang up when your mom came in and everything had gone quiet.

Whilst listening to your conversation, she ran to Natasha's room, banging on the door. The redhead answered with messy hair and a glare that could kill. "This better be an emergency Wanda."

"It's, Y/n, they need us. Now." The minute Natasha heard your name she was grabbing sweatpants and her keys, "C’mon then!"

By the time they got to your house, they could hear more shouting, "IF YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR YOU'RE DONE!" The wooden door swung open, revealing you in a fit of tears, barely able to walk in a straight line due to your blurry vision. Wanda rushed to your side, whilst Natasha made her way in front of your dad. "Move an inch and see what happens!" Her tone, cold, she left once Wanda had you in the car.

The ride back was silent, apart from your sniffles and worried glances they'd thrown in your direction. You finally passed out in the back once you passed the old tower. When you arrived back at the compound, Wanda carried your bag, as Natasha pulled you into her arms, carrying you to her room.

After assuring Wanda that you'd be okay with her, Nat finally crawled in beside you. "I know you're awake Y/n." Rolling yourself into her, you let the sobs free. May spent the next two hours running her fingers through your hair, whispering little nothings to calm you down.

"I- I came out and they- he didn't like it." The assassins arms tightened around you. "We don't have to talk about it until tomorrow okay? Right now let's just try getting some sleep."

---

The next morning Natasha woke up with a numb arm, your body clung to her like your life depended on it. It killed her seeing you like this, tear tracks stained your face, your hair in a million knots, you never passed out until 3ish and Nat, well she was up and down for the next hour with you. Slowly she untangled you from her. Pulling the larger blanket over you, she decided to make you something for breakfast and call the others.

Shortly after Nat left, you woke up. Hoping last night was one horrible dream, the lack of photos on the wall however, only confirmed that you were definitely not at your parents. Your head was pounding, violently, the events still playing in your head. Tears blurred your vision again, and you tightly grabbed the blanket that was given. It smelled faintly like Natasha, calming you down a bit. You just needed a minute to collect yourself before explaining the colossal fuck up of events that took place last night.

Admittedly you weren't sure what you were more scared of, the reactions of the others to finding out what happened or the fact that your dad had finally managed to cut you deeper than any blade ever could, whilst your mom just stood there.

That sinking feeling you've felt all your life had grown, leaving you feeling heavier than ever.

---

As Y/n was still trying to build up the confidence to leave Natasha's room, the Avengers had all huddled around the island in the kitchen. All of them worried for you, "They finally did it and it went worse than they thought it would." Bucky and Peter were the first on their feet, making their way to the door. They were greeted by Nebula and Gamora, both of them wearing a threatening glare, with a flick of her finger Nebula had both of them turn back towards the group.

"So what do we do?" Steve wasn't all too familiar with this situation, but he cared for you deeply, he saw you as family and he only wanted to help. Everyone broke into conversation about a cheer up plan.

----

After an hour everyone had agreed the best way to help you was for you to tell them what you needed. Instead of them firing in all of these different ideas, it was a madhouse at the best of times but with grown adults shouting about movie days or theme parks, then of course Peter piping in with ice cream and Groot contributed beautifully by leaving because it was too loud for him- it took Natasha being picked up by Carol for everyone to shut up. So they all found themselves going about their own business waiting for you to come to them.

Another hour passed before you emerged from Natasha's room, wearing sweats and a borrowed sweater from Tony, your hair was still damp from the shower and everyone could see how exhausted you were but you knew if you didn't come out then they'd crowd you in the bedroom. You didn't need any more anxiety so you braved it.

Before you could greet anyone Gamora made her way over to you, pulling you into a hug. Nebula copied her sister's actions and soon so did everyone else, Brunnhilde snuck her way in closer to as Wanda's arms tightened around your waist. Tears fell freely from you, the group hug was admittedly a little claustrophobic but definitely needed.

Once everyone had untangled themselves from you, you found yourself being pulled into the strong arms of Thor. Each of the team, spent the next 10 minutes, pulling you into individual hugs, trying to remind you that they've got you- without overwhelming you with the same sentence. Peter held you a little longer than the others, once he pulled back he flashed you an awkward smile, the both of you were the youngest of the team and had a close sibling-like relationship. He held your wrists before saying, "Consider it from Aunt May too." He let out a small "Oof" when you pulled him back into you.

Carol dragged you over to the couch before throwing herself down beside Wanda, she pulled you down between them, cuddling into you. The room fell into a comfortable silence, the others retired to their rooms after a few movies and once you reassured them you'd be okay, you stayed between the heroes, barely paying attention to the movie.

Your thoughts were consumed with every interaction you've had in the last 24 hours. From the argument, you had with your parents to the comforting embrace of Carol Danvers. In the moment you realized that it didn't matter what you'd have to deal with in your life as long as you had the Avengers you'd be okay.

You'd have someone to lean on.

Someone to be there to pick you up when you're down.

You'd have someone in your corner. In this case, it turned out you had the world's and well technically the universe's strongest beings in your corner.

Wanda listened to your thoughts with a small smile on her face, she wasn't trying to invade your personal space- she was worried and rightfully so. She adored you, so much so, that she'd do anything to help you. She had a bit of a crush of course she did. How could she not? But you didn't need someone like that in your life right now. You need support, unconditional love and she was more than ready to throw every ounce of it she had at you.

---

Monday rolled around quicker than you thought, everyone was getting ready for the parade when you walked out sporting the rainbow design on your suit. Natasha offered to paint one on your face but you declined since your suit was basically a walking flag. Carol, Thor, Steve, and Bucky were all sporting their flags as their suits, Brunnhilde swapper her blue cape for her new cape designed to look like the Bi flag- Bruce finished it this morning, whilst everyone else wrapped flags over their shoulders or painted their faces. Hill walked in making a direct B-line to you, pulling you into her, it'd been a while since you'd seen each other. She apologized for not being here with you sooner and promised a proper catch up after the parade.

Everyone was ready to leave, you were just waiting on Tony, Pepper, and Wanda. Wanda walked out smiling sporting a rainbow jacket, instead of her red leather one, Tony and Pepper wore their suits which were covered in stickers.

The parade went spectacularly and the after party at the compound- courtesy of the Avengers LGBTQ+ charity, Pepper and Maria set up: 'to fund shelters, safe houses and more for all LGBTQ+ beings across the globe', was in full swing. Everyone was laughing, joking and enjoying themselves. There was all sorts going on, photobooths, photoshoots with the different Avengers, a dance party, food and drinks, face painting, etc. Everyone was just enjoying their day, celebrating everything they've fought for in their lives to be who they are, being out and proud about their story and their own history. It was inspiring.

It was beautiful.

It was hopeful.

It was loud too and you needed a second to yourself.

Excusing yourself from the group, making your way out to the balcony. Watching the sun setting in the distance, casting a golden-pinkish glow over the city. The birds chirped a little louder and the soft wind ghosted over the trees. You finally released your breath, the events of the weekend once again playing in your head. Your family should be here, they should be but they weren't and it hurt, your dad hadn't once reached out to you, your mom barely spoke to you when she did and your siblings, well they called and promised they'd visit after the parade- you're getting lunch with them tomorrow. It still stung that you couldn't share this experience with them.

But everyone in there, everyone that stood by you today, they made it all that bit easier. The fact that you have this whole other chosen family, people and beings that just want you around because you are, who you are.

Because you're being yourself. They're all the support you need. All the love you could ever want.

It'll all feel easier in time, you knew that. It'll hurt less in time.

[swinterr]

Valerie I

It all started last week, when Shawn dropped the teaser normally Valerie is a very supportive girlfriend but not on this one. He was filming his music video, Valerie is spending time with her family. Finally, the day when the music video drops, Valerie didn’t watched it even the teaser.

Social Media is Social Media some people can call it their safe place but she doesn’t for her, Social Media is a platform where you see what you don’t want to see. For her, Social Media is toxic everywhere you go it reeks negativity well some may had some positive energy with their post but not all, not all. She saw some pictures that she didn’t want to see.

Valerie remembers the day when Shawn told her that he and Camila are collaborating again, His eyes has this twinkling effect that only happened when he’s happy, well he is happy very happy indeed. Valerie congratulated Shawn on his new music video on how the editing looks so good even though she didn’t watched it how Shawn and Camila looked good together, everything she complemented. Days passed Shawn is back touring and Valerie is back at Massachusetts collecting some of her things on her dorm to take home.

Shawn is very busy touring, he enjoys singing, playing guitar, hanging out with his best friends Brian and Connor. Valerie is back home in Toronto with her family. She enjoys reading books, playing archery on their yard and boxing.

Finally it happened while Valerie is getting ready for their like family-reunion-party-for-4th-of-July a picture went viral on the internet.

Valerie is out with her family when she saw the pictures but on particular picture caught her eye, she is sitting on the couch next to her sister Viviane and his husband Seth. Vernon, his brother along with his wife Jess, Vernon talking about his son Milo and Laslo (who are playing with the table designs) with their cousin Andre and Viviane is holding is baby boy named Cupid. The Valentin’s are hosting a party in their hotel in Toronto. She is scrolling down her feed in Instagram, of course being a supportive girlfriend she follows #shawnmendes

Shawn and Camila are kissing, Valerie isn’t really the type of person who will just point out something wrong, she always gathers her information before speaking. Sometimes she will answer your question with a hum as, she hums she thinks about her words she will put in the sentences, she always makes sure she will use it in a good way she also try not to offend someone.

She has enough information with all the pictures she’s been tag in the video and clips of them, she had enough. She puts her phone down the marble table.

“Viv.” She spoked softly. Valerie has a sweet, soft, light and airy voice even if she’s mad or sad she never raises her voice.

Viviane noticed something in her voice she may have a soft voice but she sounds so fragile right now. “Yes Val, something wrong?”

Vernon and Andre stopped talking, all their attention is on Valerie. Even the kids.

Valerie looks so fragile her tired watery eyes glancing up at her sister as she tugs at her sleeves on her off shoulder long sleeved Dolce & Gabanna cotton blend dress, fighting back the tears, she tries to blink faster hoping it will dry but heavy tears started flowing down her rosy cheeks.

“Can I skip the party, I think my febrile response is kicking in again.”

Andre glances at Valerie’s phone. “Oh no.” he gasped. Valerie quickly took her phone back to her clutch.

“Please, I need some time alone.” Valerie didn’t wait for their answer as she walks towards her parent explaining her febrile response which literally just mean fever.

Little does she knows the group of five started talking about the said issue.

She also didn’t wait for her parents response she walked straight to the front door, not minding the paparazzi taking a picture of her crying. Her chauffeur is holding the car door for her.

She got into the car she closes her eyes, taking deep breaths in an effort to stop never ending flow of tears. She didn’t even wait to be home, she needs to talk to Shawn ASAP. She opened her Marc Jacob clutch and took her phone out.

“Hello?” Valerie’s hoarse voice spoke through the phone, she has been crying since the pictures had come out. Nonstop tears keeps on spilling in her $2,600 worth of dress she wore.

She keeps on calling him but no answer, Shawn wasted their 3 years together and she’s not gonna waste more again no answer so she just decided to text him a message.

To: my canada 💞

Hey shawn are you there? I’ve been calling you the last 15 minutes? Are you good? i’m not gonna kept this message long. What happened to us? Did I do something wrong? I though im forever? Were forever? You know what, why did you tell me that you don’t want me anymore, its much easier than you doing this? You said that you’re just friends but I had enough. I can’t be with someone who has allegedly been dating his best friend behind my back. You said this song could be a hit, I believed in you. I hope you’re happy this is the last time that I will tell you this I love you. I love you too much to let go but this is the right thing to do. Focus on things that will make you happy and successful. xoxo

That week has been really painful to Valerie she thought all the things she should have accomplished if she wasn’t with him. She could have graduate, Shawn recently finished his tour in Europe of couse they will go to Italy as one of the places they set and Valerie has an Italian blood loved that country so much that Shawn begged Andrew to take Valerie on tour with him. Sadly, Valerie has to take online classes but it’s okay as long as she is with Shawn.

People in the internet has been taging Valerie a lot, a picture of Shawn and Camila at a diner a 4 ‘o’clock in the morning, him picking her up on her acting lessons. Basically doing what couples are supposedly doing. Shawn isn’t that open and that sweet when they were together. They looks so good.

Valerie remebers that she send Shawn a messege last week, and clearly Shawn is so busy with his lifestyle he didn’t even read it! That week was horrible, Valerie and Shawn lived in the same condo in Toronto and she practically lived in their house in Pickering.

Too bad Shawn fucked the 3 years up. Maybe it’s time for a break. So she packed her bag and zoomed off to the airport on the way to her birth land, basically soul searching. Hoping that at least she will have a good time.

Valerie and Shawn has a bucket list together, they didn’t even finished it. Actually Valerie knew that they aren’t gonna last forever, its either she And Shawn will broke up because of long distance or Shawn being bored at Valerie or Shawn finding someone new in tour, well technically he didn’t find new he just reunited with her.

Shawn’s definition of love is love isn’t something you should chase because then it isn’t real you just kinda let it happend and that exactly what happened to them.

Maybe that’s the reason.

Valerie then made a new bucket list for her to complete.

1. Buy myself a new mansion in Los Angles and sell my old one and donate the money

2. Ride an helicopter

3. Buy an island

4. Study hard! Even if it’s summer

5. LOVE YOURSELF

She didn’t feel making a long one, she will just add something of she want.

Valerie should have graduated college but then she was too focused on Shawn, good thing she didn’t have bad grades. So she shall study and make up for the time she lost.

Turns out Valerie needs to be in LA with her family for a grand opening of their new hotel, maybe she will travel next time, she already contacted her friend Bella Hadid, Bella’s father and her father are friends. Bella knew what Valerie is feeling, I mean the pictures are all over internet, so Bella invited her girlfriends and hoped that Valerie will have a good time.

the real angst is on the next part. also sorry if i disappointed someone in my writing.

[voidselfshipp]

mafia, masquerade, and angel & demon au for either joel or lucas :00

In a little bitch who cant choose so deal with this

BOTH BABYS YAS

mafia AU: who is the ruthless leader? who is their loyal second in command? give one headcanon about you and your f/o’s relationship in this AU!

Okay so

Lucas:

I really want him as the ruthless leader BUT I CANT I MEAN LOOK AT HIM. I LOVE HIS ASS BUT LETS BE REAL HERE FOR A SECOND.

I'd be the ruthless leader , he'd be the second in command.

Our feelings would start in the moment he gets the second in command charge,he was very Smart, And creative in his ways, And for him I was just enough of a bitch.

We are completly oblivious tho

But really close.

And then it hits Us like a pack of wild trucks.

We both are just like OH FUCK THAT and instantly make our thing official

Anyone who opposes gets The Big Sleep ™️

JOEL

Oh Man, this dude, ruthless leader, I MEAN LOOK AT HIS CANNON.

And im his sarcastic second in command who is just too done like him

Feelings start a couple of months after I become second in command,its painfully obvious to EVERYONE but we are too prideful to confess.

Eventually we just kind of sit down and talk things out.

It ends with both of us not getting out of the bedroom

Do with that what you Will.

Eventually he just becomes a little soft for me, since we both are kind of,"I could kill you but I have a heart of gold" type of person.( coherence be damned)

If Joel gets mad at them they pray to me to calm him down so they dont end up like a turkey in thanksgiving.

masquerade AU: who is the generous host of the ball? who is the mysterious guest? give one headcanon about you and your f/o’s relationship in this AU!

In both of these im the host.

Lucas:

He is grumpy and secluded for most of the masquerade, his mask was really interesting and fun.

So I approach Him and try to talk with him,seeing as he was being shy and trying to hide away from all of it.

I offer to somewhere more calm,he accepts and spend the rest of the party there.

He said that a "hillbilly like him didnt belong in this fancy place"

I quickly changed his mind with a talk and causing some mischief around the ball room and the rest of the house.

We eventually have to part ways but not before I see his face.

*insert super cliche kiss here*

Needless to say he was invited for the Next masquerade.

Joel.

Misterious was one way to put it.

He was just..quiet? Ellie was having fun, she made some Friends but he seemed just too quiet?,not his place for sure(do you see the pattern here?)

Ellie accidently taints my dress with her drink*NO ALCOHOL HERE FOLKS, NOT FOR THE KIDS*

Joel freaks out and I just say thats okay, I was looking for an excuse to change into something more comfortable.

We spend the night talking *ELLIE THE WINGMAN*

He stays the night.

We leave it at that.

angel and demon AU: who is an angel? who is a demon? give one headcanon about you and your f/o’s relationship in this AU!

JOEL:

Demon

He wasnt that bad really, he just kind of did bad stuff before but its because of the context of what happened and shit.

So he is just a soft demon, but trying to look gruff and "I can and Will kill you when a chance is given".

Im the angel who is done with everyones shit.

Kind of good Omens stuff happends but without the whole hellspawn thing.

We just live our lifes,causing mischief from time to time and just trying to be as human as posible.

Lucas:

Demon

Straight up.

Wreaking havoc, pulling pranks left and right,being a mess overall, and done with life.

I am sent to stop him, yet we both are just so done with everything and I just tag along to make sure no-one is Killed.

Eventually he opens up, and I decide to take part in some of his mischief.

And he eventually tones his pranks a bit down for our sake.

We dont give a crap about what heaven and hell say,as If we gave a shit before that is.

Ty for the ask!!!

[kevkesblog]

Jannis Brandt Interview (spring 2018)

I’m sorry for misspelled words, but my laptop automatically changes english into german (or attempts to do that).

note: this interview was recorded before the World Cup 2018 in Russia.

N:     Who is your brother?

J:      My brother is Julian Brandt. He plays for Bayer Leverkusen and the national team.

N:     How does it feel if you say something like that?

J:      Hm, it’s big. Especially the national team, because we used to watch the games of the national team on TV in our childhood and youth. 

I have also followed everything around him during his youth – all the youth teams. That was already big. But now that he plays for the national team makes it even bigger.

N:     Did you - or Julian had posters of certain players in his room or so? Did he have role models or idols?

J:      Hm, I think Julian’s room was full of posters. Ronaldo, Messi the real big players – even back then. But his idol – which I think is already known – was Diego, from Werder Bremen.

N:     And your idol?

J:      Mine? I never really had any idols. No football player.

N:     But?

J:      Not really others as well.

N:     Singer? Actor? Comic figure?

J:      No. Not really.

N:     Sometimes people do have a certain indiviual. Even if it’s pikatchu.

J:      (laughs) No, Julian was more of an anime fan – I would say. Whether it was Dragonball Z or whatever… I usually never watched those shows. He was more that type of person. Hm, idol? I dont know. Sure, the big names Ronaldo and Messi where you were looking up and say „Ok, those were the players of our time“. But no, not really an idol.

N:     But since we are talking about the national team. Has there ever been a german national player who was admirable?

J:      Back in the day or today?

N:     Yes – but especially in the past. I mean you named the big international stars of football, but do you think there is at least one german name on that list or not?

J:      There wasn’t. (laughts)

N:     (laughts) OK, clear answer!

J:      Well of course there were big names. Players like Schweinsteiger who now reached an age were they played many years for the national team. Including world cups. Yeah and if you see how these players are still playing now. Or Lukas Podolski who played one final game with Julian – his last one. This it’s big sure. Especially since Julian used to have posters with Podolski in his room and then suddently they play together. I thinks it’s big – even for him, playing with so many experierenced players and that sometimes he tries to look what tricks of them he can copy – yes.

N:     When I looked at this from the outside, if somebody is very young and somebody who is older as player on the pitch. Sometimes it’s about body mass. Or your body develops over a certain while. Do you think there is a sense of inferiority as a young player?

J:      Ahm, physically as a player I wouldn’t say that you are inferior. I think you do have some edges. I know Jonathan Tah. I think its pretty difficult to get past him – even though he is young.  I think Julian is doing pretty good by now. He is not a player who looks for every one-on-one on the pitch. But I wouldn’t say he is inferior in those situations. Sure you have to watch your body as a young player and be carefully, in order to stay on the same level with the other guys - but no, not inferior.

N:     How did you view Julians development through his youth? Football was on your brothers mind all the time. Was he like „Hey Jannis, lets go and shoot some goals. Do some passing.“ Was it like this?

J:      It was really like this. It was still common throughout our childhood or youth– in a positiv way – to play outside from morning till sunset. We had a big public lawn in front of our house. And so there were like 40 something people on that lawn. Thats something that doesn’t exist anymore today – which is sad. So we used to play in front of our house until our mother was calling us.

N:     Dinner!

J:      Exactly – so everyone went back home. But no, we were out on the lawn many times. He played together with friends. I always wanted to join the older guys. That’s what often happend. (laughs)

N:     Did you and Julian tried out other sports as well? Or was it always clear that football is the main thing.

J:      I think Julian always stayed with football. I used to be a goalkeeper first – then I went for handball. Went back to football as a field player. I stayed there until U-17. I think I also did judo but that was just one course. No, Julian by contrast was much more focused on football and I was the one that tried out many different things.

N:     Nice. That’s not bad right?

J:      No. (laughs) The only thing I can add is: Julian just recently became interested in golfing. He seems to be motivated about golfing – but let’s see how long that will last. (smirks)

N:     Especially in terms of time right? I mean he does have a very tight schedule? Training, games…

J:      I wouldn‘t say that (laughs). I mean he does have practice - sometimes twice a day, but if you go golfing before or after training it could be a certain way of compensation for him. Or a certain peace you need. So I think its acutally good.

N:     Thats nice! Did you join?

J:      (laughs). I have only been with him on the golfing range once. I was just there observing and taking pictures. But I realized with him that golfing isn’t easy. Or at least thats what it looked like when he played (laughs).

N:     It’s practice.

J:      Yes it is. And I think he will continue to do that.

N:     But do you think its just because you are a different persona than Julian? Didn’t you want to dive into the football world as well since you played many years yourself?

J:      I would say about myself, I’m not fully talented in one area. Or there is no area where I want to focus completely. I’m a guy that likes to try out many things first. Whether its sports or something else. And I’m quite decent in many areas and so its different than with Julian. He is a talent in terms of football – but he drags his feet about other things in life. (laughs)

N:     School too?

J:      With him?

N:     Yup.

J:      He was really lazy! He claims he still could have gotten a high school diploma (Abitur). I thinks he only has a minor school diploma (after 10th grade). But I dont know if thats only big words from him or if he is serious about it.

N:     But does it really play a role anymore? If you are so clear about what do you want to do. Is it really worthwhile to get an Abitur?

J:      Thats difficult.

N:     Did you get an Abitur?

J:      I’m still working on my Abitur in media design. But I would say on one hand its important because you never know, how safe you really are being a football player. By that I mean, you have a sense of security with an Abitur. Only if you reach a certain point in your career it starts to become less important whether you have an Abitur or not. For me its just learning – Abitur. You really have to commit yourself doing it. You need to have a clear head, but other than that its not a world wonder getting it.

N:     In what areas do you do your Abitur?

J:      Design, media and art.

N:     Do you have an idea, what you want to do with your life? Lets say over the next five years?

J:      Hmmm, well… generally speaking: media. But thats a huge terrain. I had days were I was thinking about studying film after my Abitur. I was already looking around for schools. Photography is also something I like – but those are big areas and the best way for me would be to filter everything. But I dont know where I will end up persicely. I haven‘t made a decision yet. And thats fine.

N:     Nice. So without any jugdements. Because there are also people who exactly know where they want to go.

J:      No. No – I was never that type of person! I’m a guy who makes quick decisions and want to deliver quick. But I’m never that person who says „I am doing this now, this the next year and so on“. And I dont want to be stuck in a three-year apprenticeship program where I dont know if thats really something I want to do for the rest of my life.

N:     Well, you often dont know whether its the perfect job for you.

J:      Exactly. That why currently I’m trying out many things. Gather experience. I want to filter between things that dont match my interest and by that I will find out what matches mine. Thats my current situation.

N:     Sounds good! In your relationship, Julian was your big brother. You have a younger brother. The big brother than left the house since he got special training. How was that moment for you, when he left the house? Did you suddently become the „big brother“. How did you feel?

J:      I remember him being 15 years when he moved out. And everything went very quick. Suddently all his bags were packed and he went to Wolfsburg. And the beginning was especially difficult for our mother. But thats normal. But yeah, you could sense that something was missing - also in our daily lives. But I had a little brother and we spent alot of time together. (laughs) Generally speaking, our childhood was like this: usually Julian and Jascha bonded together more – whenever I was teasing Jascha, he needed support and he got it from Julian. But our bickering was nice – we never really argued alot.

N:     Does your father maybe had an influence? Since he was a football coach as well. Because I read that people say „Well I dont want my dad to give me special treatment – or give you a disadvantage“. Was that weird or okay?

J:      Well I never really got to know it any different. Dad was active in football since I was little – as a player for his hometown team. And he coached Julian and his best friends since they were little, I think it was good for him to have a certain person that he could relate to. But our father never gave him special disadvantages or better treatment. Whenever it was about football he was coach and not father – and once the game was over he was still our dad. So in my opinion they did everthing right in that regard. And it is strange that a father is coaching Julian since he was a little kid until he left for Wolfsburg.

        (13:05min)

N:     What’s interesting to know: how did you feel when he was on the pitch in a big stadium for the first time? What kind of feeling was that?

J:      That was – if I can remember correctly – in Hamburg. When he already was playing for Leverkusen. It was a special game for me since I never liked Hamburg, from my childhood on – as a guy from Bremen. I didn’t know before the game that he was supposed to be a subsitute player. At some point you see him warm up next to the pitch and you start to think „Ok, will he now be put into the game?“. Yeah but it is something special when you hear his name over the whole stadium for the first time. Now you heard it a hundred times and it became normal, but it was special the first time. And you suddently get a lot of text messages. But its normal.

N:     Did you get goosebumps?

J:      I rarely get goosebumps (laughs). For that matter I didnt have goosebumps. But yeah you are really into it and you dont think about other stuff in that moment.

N:     And you had the parents sitting left and right to you.

J:      Parents are sitting left and right to you – yes and they are nervous as well – the first game wasn’t against Hamburg, it was his first goal. I have to correct myself. (smirks)

N:     Maybe you can recall his very first goal.

J:      The first goal he scored when he was seventeen, which he did against Hamburg. I remember him having the ball and he was still far away from the goal. He shoots – and it wasn’t really his best shoot, but the goalkeeper seemed to have had a bad day and so he scored. Then everybody was happy because nobody expected this to happen.

N:     Nice! And how did you live together as brothers? Did you have a playstation at home and played together?

J:      Since we were little kids we had playstations – multiple ones everyone that was avaliable. Whether it was playstation, Wii – ok, we didnt have X-Box.

N:     But did you play FIFA?

J:      We did play FIFA – very often. He was always the guy that was better at video games than I was. And the one investing more time playing it.

N:     (laughs) So he really put a lot of time into it.

J:      (laughs) Yeah… and long hours. Me too. And even today we play together and yeah, thats what a boy does in his spare time.

N:     Maybe its a weird question, but: can you choose him as a player?

J:      Yes.

N:     Then, do you choose him whenever you play or do like you tackle him?

J:      (laughs) No, its not that extreme. I’m not playing that much FIFA but back in the day you took him, when he appeared on FIFA for the first time as a new player. Ok, he wasn’t the best and you would say „Ok, well leave it if you want to win.“ But now you can choose him more often playing FIFA if you want to win. Yeah, I didn’t tackle him in the game. I think he picked himself and played FIFA with himself once.

N:     Weird isn’t it? I mean you played FIFA over all these years – every year there’s a new edition and then suddently your own brother is part of a video game.

J:      Well yeah, but you don’t notice it as much as you think, since you already have to deal with other surroundings that come as a football player. And so it’s just a logical consequence. The one leads to the other.

N:     Did you brawl over food as kids?

J:      Brawl?

N:     Yeah… Was there yealousy about food? Did you eat alot?

J:      Hmm, I think he almost ate twice as much as I did. He was always good at eating. Even back in the day, between tourmaments he used to eat a Bratwurst instead of something else. That’s what he needed in order to play good. (smirks) Well we actually never really brawled about stuff back when we lived together in Bremen – well we did have arguments.

N:     Well I didn’t mean brawl in a physical sense. I mean like…

J:      ….Oh, I see… but we did that too (smirks).

N:     (laughs)

J:      But that‘s normal that you brawl as brothers. Or that you wrestle. Thats even fun a bit. Even now he sometimes does that with my little brother. To wrestle on the bed. Yeah… but it‘s all show (smirks).

N:     Like at WWE, right.

J:      Yeah exactly. We used to do the WWE entrances. Our little brother wanted to get a wrestling belt for his birthday a couple of days ago, so he can hang it in his room.

N:     Sounds professional…

J:      …well, we used to watch WWE on TV back in the day. Which was always in the evening – so we were sneaking down to the livingroom and watched it, even though we were supposed to be in bed…. that was when we were very young… (laughs) But yeah…

N:     Music? Is there a song which has a special meaning or a special bond with your brother?

J:      (laughs) Ahm, well there isn’t ONE special song. There is no singer or band. We listen to the same music. We listen to a lot actually, whether its German, Spanish, English, French sometimes Brazilian when it’s more quiet… and ehm - I mean Portugese (smirks).

N:     (laughs) How come? Did your parents listen to a lot of music?

J:      Hmm, no. With us its more like: if we listen to Spanish or French in the beginning we dont know what the lyrics are about…

N:     Execpt if you know the language…

J:      Yes, execpt you know the language or you’re reading the lyrics. But its the music itself – most of the time. Music that just lifts your mood. And we are pretty much the same in that regard. We have the same music taste.

N:     Your brother was very young when he started and then with his first Bundesliga match suddently his career accelarates. And then there a moments were you stagnate. How was that for you when this happend to him? Or have you noticed how he felt? Was it difficult? Or normal – because he still belived in himself?

J:      I think what he knows now, or maybe for a while now ist that, you get hyped if everything goes great and you get back to the ground if you play poorly. And he doesn’t have to like that – and I think he really doesn’t like that. Yeah but this hyping of players is something he absolutely doesn’t like. And he is just doing his thing. Yeah but if he has a low – he is not that person who…

N:     …wallows…

J:      Yeah, who remains low too.

N:     But do you think it’s a special challenge? Because he isn’t really that old. I mean you are even younger than him – but anyway, when you live through something like that. There are thousands of people chanting your name – and then the pressure. You have to be good and show skill...

J:      Sure. First, you have to find a way to deal with pressure…

N:     Does he have something to cope with that? Does he do something in his free time? Meditate or something?

J:      (smirks)

N:     I mean it could be!

J:      In the end, as stupid as it may sound: he just plays playstation to distract himself. In his free time football isn’t as much of a topic of discussion. It’s not like he talks with his friends alot about football. Maybe a bit, but as long as you catch him in his free time talking about something else other than football it’s positive for him. Just distraction. I mean he has to deal with football multiple times over the week or weekends. And he has to get his mind somewhere else in order to cope with pressure. But he has found a good way dealing with pressure…

N:     That how he seems to look like. I mean I watched a couple of interviews and he looked very solid and unimpressed…

J:      Yeah, he is kind of very open. And honest! And he tells you directly what he thinks if there is something he doesn’t like. He never pulls of a great show – or in front of somebody. So that makes it into style of football. He listens to his stomach. You have to put him on the pitch and say „Just go ahead!“. Maybe you need to tell him „here you have to do a bit of this and a bit of that“… then he knows „ok“ and he plays his style. And I think it’s what makes him a great player. Because he withstands pressure – always very relaxed. And thats why he can perform.

N:     Name one trait of him that really annoyes the hell out of you?

J:      (smiles)… well I have to think a bit.  

N:     Well thats good, if there’s nothing. Or is there something that you really appreciate about him? Something you really like?

J:      What I like…?

N:     Well, its good if there’s nothing annoying about him.

J:      What I admire is his honesty. He never tells – well he is my brother, but – that he always says his honest opinion. And that he’s very easygoing. Thats always good.

N:     Will you visit him in Russia?

J:      Well, first of all he has to be there. I think thats gonna happen – or I hope he will be there. And…

N:     But there was an announcement or not?

J:      (pauses)…. No I mean when he makes it into the final squad. Thats going to be announced on May 15. Then they travel to Russia – and as far as I’m concerned finally three players then will fly back home. And…yeah. If he makes it and he – let’s say make it into the quarterfinals or semifinals. I guess, me and my family will eventually fly over to see him.

N:     Do have a wish for him before he leaves?

J:      A wish? I always wish that he doesn’t get injured! Thats the most important thing. Because you can get „out“ of the game very quickly if you get injured. Health is everything. And that he get some expericence. No matter how often he plays, if he playes, how long. And that he has fun in what he is doing – and that he doesn’t force himself on doing stuff.

N:     Do you have a nickname for him?

J:      For him?

N:     Yes.

J:      I either call him „Julian“ or „Juli“. Many call him „Jule“. And he gives me a death stare whenever I call him „Jule“. (laughs). Nobody in our family calls him „Jule“, but I think that name originated in Wolfsburg. And the guys in Leverkusen continued to call him like that and since then. So he is sometimes refered to as „Jule“.

N:     Especially because of the fans?

J:      Even now because of the fans – yeah „Jule“. I think it’s a weird name. (laughs).

N:     Maybe other names?

J:      A nickname he actually has is „Skipper“ from penguins of madagascar. Dad is „Kowalski“ the little brother is „Private“ and I am „Rico“.

N:     (laughs)

J:      We adapted the characteristics of the cartoon. I think Julian had the initial idea. Because I think „Skipper“ is more the leader and the cool guy.

N:     So everyone got their roles then!?

J:      Yeah, sometimes we text over WhatsApp like „Hey Skipper how is it going?“ or „Kowalski when do you get back home?“ … so yeah those are our nicknames we carry for quite sometime now.

N:     Are you in regular contact with each other? Daily? Every second day?

J:      Actually we never write each other over the whole day constantly via WhatsApp. We facetime sometimes. But we dont talk about special topics if we do facetime, just to hear from each other. Mostly whenever somebody of us doesn’t have anthiny to do and goes online. Other than that, I always go to his home games. Away games - depending where it is. And if it fits into my schedule. I see him and spend some time in his apartement in Cologne. Whether its because I have school summer break and over the week we do stuff before or after the practice sessions. Which is good for him, so he has something to do and to get outside, since he lives on his own. And I think it benefits him as well as myself.

N:     Do you have a feeling that he misses things because of football? Because he has to set priorities? Or do you think he can live free?

J:      No, absolutely not. I mean you do have priorities in a sense that you dont have enough leg room – like I have – to go out with friends over the weekend. Thats time he rarely has, when officials tell him „You can go out and have a good time“. But even if he does go out with friends, he has boundaries. Because he is a person who is in the public eye. So yeah, that is one of the differences between us both. I’m more relaxed in that regard and he has to give it a pass since his youth basically. But I think thats something – given his position, he likes to sacrifice.

N:     Thats something he likes, isn’t it?

J:      Yeah, I guess so. I dont think thats something he is mourning about.

[chungha-supremacist]

No Borders - Chapter 5 (the ending)

word count: 2742

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS LESBIAN SEX AND STRAIGHT SEX! IF YOU GET TRIGGERED EASILY, DON’T READ THIS!

SUMMARY:

“It’s just us 5 right?”

“Forever.”

“No men allowed… ever. Let’s promise to eachother that we will never let any man come in between us!”

“Never!”

Naive promises told at a young age, just between 5 best friends. They promised their world to eachother, “best friends ‘till death breaks us apart”. 10 Years passed. The same 5 girls, but no longer blinded by those “stupid promises”. It will be broken. The promise of a lifetime. The lust of love is what makes us all see unclear. We lose our friends, or soulmates, we fall for the unknown, we fall for lies and for the feeling of being important to someone who will drag us far away from who truly matters.

“Forget about the world… forget about them… right now, it’s only me and you. They don’t need to know that I love you.”

CATEGORY: F/F; F/M

Fandom: RED VELVET (Band), NCT (Band)

Relationships: Park Sooyoung / Kim Yerim; Bae Joohyun / Kang Seulgi; Son Seungwan / Nakamoto Yuta

Characters: Park Sooyoung; Kim Yerim, Bae Joohyun, Kang Seulgi, Son Seungwan, Seo Youngho, Jung Jaehyun, Nakamoto Yuta, Dong Si Cheng, Wong Yuk Hei, Lee Taeyong, Chung Ha

Additional Tags: friendship,angst, mistrust, lies, cheating, lesbian interactions, smut, fluff, fashion, models, rich life, etc

RATED: SMUT, FLUFF, ANGST.

CHAPTER 5

Wendy slowly opens her eyes which seem glued together.

She takes some time to adjust her sight to the sun peeking right to her through the blinds that were covering only half of her window.

Something is off. She can’t feel the warmth of her loved one next to her. She feels lonely now. It’s not like its an unusual feeling for her, but she hates it. She hates loneliness more than anything in this world.

She finally opens her eyes fully and scans her bedroom, no sight of Yuta, his clothes or even her clothes.

‘Was it all a dream?’

‘Did he leave me?’

‘Was this all my imagination?’

Still, she is confirmed by the sticky, half-dry white semen on the sheets and sticking on her.

‘So it was real.’

She slowly gets up from the messy bed and she slowly trips on her way to the bathroom. She takes her silky bath-robe and goes to look for Yuta.

As she opens her bedroom door she can hear sounds in the kitchen. She feels relieved.

‘This must be him.’

She goes in the living room which was connected to the kitchen and her heart starts beating so fast when she sees the man of her life in her kitchen, cooking breakfast for them.

“Oh, Good Morning, princess.” He says and he comes to give her a small peck on the forehead while holding a pan with pancakes.

“It smells amazing.” Wendy says as she is sniffing the air that smelled like vanilla and cinnamon. And well, like him. His skin impregnated with the most godly scent in the world. Her new favourite aroma.

Yuta is soon done with the pancakes he was cooking and he places a plate with a 3 pancakes one on top of eachother, topped with honey, cinnamon and he made a heart from strawberries.

Wendy must’ve left out the dumbest smile in the whole world, as she was looking at the pancakes in such awe. She hugs his waist and he kisses her head before taking a seat in front of her.

“How did you sleep, baby? Did you take a shower yet?” he asks while munching on his pancakes.

“Not yet, wanna take one with me when we’re done?”

“That is a great idea.”

 Some minutes later, they are both in the bathroom, slowly stripping to get into the shower that was already opened for the water to be the perfect temperature when they will get in.

“I am so sticky goddamn.” Says Wendy looking at her chest which was covered in dry cum.

Yuta chuckles shyly and gets in the shower, giving a hand to Wendy to invite her in aswell.

“Turn around, I will start with washing your back, okay?” Yuta says as he grabs a showering sponge and pours some chocolate scented shower gel.

He parts Wendy’s hair to not get shower gel in it and starts to place slow rubs on her back.

“You are so gentle…” whispers Wendy while enjoying the hot water pouring on her.

Yuta places a kiss on her bare shoulder and his hands go around her waist.

“Let’s stay like this for a moment” and he rests his chin on her shoulder, making the whole scene insanely romantic and sweet.

Wendy turns around, searching for his lips.

She kisses him softly, their lips matching perfectly, like they were shaped to be together. She bites his top lip and he smiles in the kiss.

They are both giggling now. Yuta continues to wash Wendy’s body, now on her chest.

His eyes were running carefully on her body, analyzing every spot that needed to be cleaned. He looked like a sculptor carefully paying attention to every detail of his muse. Wendy felt slightly intimidated as he was rubbing her boobs and she was careful not to leave out any moan and make the whole scene erotic.

“Let me wash you too.” She says as she grabs now the sponge and starts rubbing it on Yuta’s toned chest. She wears she never laid eyes on a more perfect body.

She tries not to stare and admire him too much, but she couldn’t help. He was a God. The God of pleasure and romance, only for her.

Yuta puts his hands over hers and starts guiding them on his body, dragging them lower and lower.

Wendy’s face turns red as her hands were now on his V line, touching his proeminent veins.

Yuta starts breathing heavily as Wendy’s fingers start tracing lines at the base of his penis.

“Fuck…” he mumbles as Wendy’s fingers are now on the tip of his cock, slowly caressing it.

“Senpai, I feel like I haven’t pleased you enough last night, may I do it now?”

“Princess, there is no such thing as not pleasing me, you did so well last night. But now I want your mouth on my cock, please your Senpai.” Says Yuta as he slowly pushes Wendy on her knees and he seeks the wall of the shower with his back, for stability.

Wendy places her hands on his thighs and she starts giving kitten licks on the tip of his cock. The scene wouldn’t look so erotic if Wendy wouldn’t look into Yuta’s eyes the whole time. She was showing him how happy she is to be filled with him.

She inserts the tip in her mouth now, slowly circling it with her tongue inside. Now her mouth starts going up and down on his length. She can’t take it all in, it would be impossible, but she tries to take in as much as she can, without gaging.

“Holy shit Wendy, fuck you’re so good! You are so hungry for me baby!” Yuta says as he slowly thrusts into her mouth.

Wendy starts moving faster and faster, but Yuta pushing aswell made his cock reach her lungs which made her have an insane gag feeling, but she didn’t complain, she was a good cocksucker. She was used to gaging.

They go on like that until Yuta releases his load deep into Wendy’s throat which made her cough a little bit, but she thanked her man by kissing him passionately.

“I love you”

“I love you too, endless.” And they stay hugged in the shower for the next ten minutes.

---

Irene is at work, typing some emails lazily on her computer, when she gets a text.

‘I’m waiting you outside. I am with my car. Don’t make me wait ~ your one & only S’

Irene smiles incontrolably at the cuteness of her girlfriend. She packs her stuff and leaves.

There she was, Seulgi was standing besides her car, in a black dress and a leather jacket, making her look very badass and intimidating, but Irene knew what a soft teddy-bear she actually was.

She runs to her in a heartbeat and they both stay hugged for about a minute.

“I missed you, how was work?” Seulgi asks with big eyes as she opens the car door for Irene to go inside.

“As always, tiring, boring. No photoshoots today.” Replies Irene as she was putting on her seat-belt.

They talk all the way to Yeri’s place where they were supposed to go spend some time with her.

They knew what happends between her and Sooyoung, how Sooyoung hurt her. Yeri is not okay till this day. Sooyoung’s words keep replaying in her head and it hurts her the more and more she thinks about them: ‘I think you should find someone Yeri, and I think I will give a chance to Doyoung.’

She hasn’t contacted Sooyoung ever since. She keeps wondering if she already went out with Doyoung… What if Sooyoung is in a relationship with him now… What if Sooyoung forgot about her?

---

Yeri gets starled by the knocks on the door.

‘Who even knocks in the 21st century?’ she asks herself sassily.

She opens up and she is greeted by Seulgi and Irene…. Holding hands??

‘What the fuck is up with these two?’ she thinks.

“Ummm hello, come in.” says Yeri unsure.

Irene smirks seeing the younger one being so confused. She cant wait to see her shocked face when she will find out.

They all sit lazily on the couch and Yeri brings some cookies for the girls.

“I’m sorry, not much of them left. I ate all of them in the middle of my mental breakdowns…” says Yeri trying to make a funny thing out of her depressing situation.

“It’s ok, Yeri, how have you been?” asks Seulgi worriedly as she pats Yeri’s shoulder.

“No. Girls, do you know is Sooyoung has anyone?” she asks with big, almost teary eyes.

“No, Yeri. We don’t know but we are sure Sooyoung isn’t dating.”

“Yeah, you know her. She hardly finds someone she likes and even if she finds one, it takes her lots of time to get comfortable with that person and go out with him.” Reassures Irene.

“I guess…” Yeri says while pleading her head…

“Com on, Yeri! We’re not here to see you cry! We’re here to keep you company and shower you with love!” Seulgi says as she jumps on her like a small child.

Irene smiles and joins the hug.

“Thank you girls…”

 The girls spent the rest of the day cuddled all together and talking, laughing together. Irene and Seulgi made themselves official to Yeri and she almost choked on her cookie when she heard it, but she was happier than no one else for them. Even if things between her and Sooyoung didn’t work out, she is at least happy that her loved friends are now together since they loved eachother for God knows how long.

 9pm.

 The girls left and now Yeri is back at being alone, sitting on her sofa and looking blankly at the TV. She hates how sad her life is without her friends around… without Sooyoung around.

She almost falls asleep when she hers her doorbell.

She looks at her phone: 11pm.

‘What kind of psychopath is at my door…?’ thinks Yeri.

‘Should I grab my knife?’

‘Omg Yeri stop being so negative! It’s probably a neighbor asking for flour… at 11pm…’

She slowly, tip-toe approaches the door and looks on the eyehole. She gasps at the sight of Sooyoung being in front of her door. But… what was wrong? Why was she here so late…? Why at her?

She opens.

“S-Sooyoung..?”

Sooyoung looked devastated. Her rimmel was running on her face from tears. She was wearing a red, short, sequined dress and she looked as if she was coming from an important place… or perhaps… from a date…

“Why are you crying S-Sooyoung?” Yeri asks terrified as Sooyoung takes a step into her house.

“I’m lost. I’m nothing without you. I made a huge mistake.”

She said all these words so soulless. She was looking in a certain direction, but not at Yeri. She seemed dead.

“I’m coming from a date with Doyoung.”

“Oh…”

“He is amazing. But I am the problem… I can’t. I just can’t date anyone… your image would come into my mind. I told him Yeri at some point. The poor guy was so confused.” She says still looking blankly, not a Yeri.

“W-what…? You’re thinking at me?” asks Yeri stuttering and trembling.

“Yerim. What do you feel for me? I don’t wanna waste your youth… I just wanna know how you feel. And I will leave you alone to live your life.”

“SOOYOUNG! I don’t need you to leave me alone! I need you in my life!! And not as a friend!! I need you… to be mine.”

There she goes. She said it. Yeri was shocked by the words she just verbalized.

“Me too. I want you to be mine. I want to be yours.” Says Sooyoung, now looking straight into Yeri’s eyes.

They both stare at eachother for some seconds, before Sooyoung grabs Yeri’s head and kisses her.

Yeri had no time to react. She slowly closes her eyes for her to fully enjoy the taste of Sooyoung’s lips on hers. They were so soft, so velvety… she wants to kiss them forever.

Yeri puts her hands on Sooyoung’s shoulders, looking so small compared to the tall Unnie.

“Grab me in your arms.” Yeri mumbles into the passionate kiss and Sooyoung grabs Yeri’s waist close to her gently.

Sooyoung doesn’t realise but her back meets a wall and she whines at the sudden contact with it making Yerim smile on her lips.

“You are heavenly… My angel…” says Sooyoung as she was now looking at Yeri’s face while caressing her soft hair. “I don’t think I will ever get sick of looking at you, princess.”

Yeri kisses her Unnie again to thank her for the words and also show her how much she loves her back. Yeri was very bad with words, but her actions said it all.

 They were both upstairs, in Yeri’s bedroom and Sooyoung was not getting dressed in some comfy clothes from Yeri’s wardrobe.

“They look so small on you.” Chuckles Yerim.

“Yeah… your body is so small.” Laughs Sooyoung as she tries to stretch a tight shirt Yeri gave her.

Sooyoung was definitely bigger. Taller, longer legs, stronger arms, bigger chest.

Yerim was the mini version of her. This is what made them adorable for eachother, they were complete together.

Sooyoung jumps on Yeri who was lying on the bed.

“Can I call you my girlfriend?” asks Sooyoung straightforwardly.

“Y-yes. That’s what we are after all.” Giggles Yeri as she kisses Sooyoung’s cheek.

The two young lovers spend the rest of their night cuddled together and expressing their everlasting love.

 --- 1 year later, Yeri’s Birthday

 “Come on Irene! She’s going to be there any minute now!” screams Seulgi from the living room while inflating some balloons.

Irene was decorating a cake with candles, while Wendy and Yuta were decorating the rest of the house.

Sooyoung rushes into the apartment “She just entered the building!”

They all start panicking and find a place where to hide.

“Turn the lights off dumbass!” screams Wendy to Yuta while spanking his ass to go to the switch.

“Ouch!” he dramatizes as he closes the lights and joins Wendy to her hiding spot behind the sofa.

 The door is opened and Yeri opens the lights revealing her whole apartment decorated, decorations which she most certainly didn’t make. She sees Sooyoung standing on the couch, dressed in an insanely stunning long red dress, revealing one of her slender legs.

“Happy Birthday, love!” Sooyoung says as she approaches to kiss Yeri.

“What is all of this??” asks Yeri in shock but with a wide smile on her face.

“It’s how much me and your friends love you…” and with this, the rest of them pop from their hiding spots screaming the clicheic “Happy Birthday” and run to hug and congratulate Yeri.

 They are all sitting at the table, eating the delicious cake made by Irene and recalling memories from their past.

Who would’ve thought that they would all be sitting again at the table, but in a new formula. And with a new person in the “group”. 

Yuta was welcomed with open arms by the girls and he was getting along with all of them just like they were his sisters. Wendy was on cloud nine to see her friends getting along so well with her beloved fiancée, because yes, Yuta made the big step one month ago when he proposed to Wendy on their romantic trip to Japan, under the cherry blossoms.

 Irene and Seulgi were like a married couple. Always had small fights which they solved in bed, but at the end of the day, they were inseparable. Their love was beyond borders and they promised love to one another through the promise rings Irene bought for them.

 As for Yeri and Sooyoung, the two of them were the heart of the group. The cutest couples you could ever meet. Never afraid to show pda in public and they were so proud of one another. Yeri was quite the jealous type so everytime a guy would look at Sooyoung, she would grab her woman and kiss her while looking straight into the soul of the person who would dare to lay eyes on what’s hers.

 From now on, anyone who would dare to criticize their love, they would just answer “Love has No Borders.”.

 THE END.

[kris-trainer-blog]

Cabinet battle, chapter 2

Chapter 1, chapter 2

Fandom: Hamilton: The American Musical

Warning: swearing, angst and it starts with cheating

Pairing: Ex! Alexander Hamilton X reader, brother!Aaron Burr X reader, Thomas Jefferson X reader

Words: 1 124

Summary: You're sister of Aaron Burr and soon to be wife of Alexander Hamilton. But you found out that he was cheating on you. So you pack your things and move into a house, where your brother and Southern democratic republicans live. And it's Modern AU.

Author's note: It's chapter 2 of fanfiction that I had in my head a really long time. It's longer than first one. The big romance starts in the next chapter ;D.

You just sat on a couch and placed your evening Mac 'n cheese on your lap. Only food could made you feel better right now. You weren't sure if it was a nightmare or it really happened. The tears wanted to go out again. But a smooth voice interrupted you and you had to stop pitty yourself. "Mac 'n cheese, you have a good taste miss Burr." You turned around and saw a Virginian in a magenta shirt. He was holding his own mac 'n cheese bowl. Tears went away, you shouldn't cry in frot of someone who isn't you or your family. "Yeah, I know. Your taste isn't bad too." You looked into his eyes. "Mr. Jefferson, do you want to join me with your bowl? I really appreciate a company right now." More a distraction than a company. But at that moment the company and the distraction were synonyms. He just smiled and sat next to you. "I think we never had time to know ourselves personally. I'm Thomas." In your mind you added The tank engine, but on the outside you took a morsel of your food. "I'm y/n, y/n Burr." You introduced yourself James Bond style and waited if he gets the reference. "I didn't know that I'm sitting next to an agent of her majesty, the agent 007." You lought. He got it. "Okay, you know the reference, so I can talk with you."

He definitely worked as the distraction. Alexander left your mind, you were thinking only about your food and conversation with Thomas. "Good to know, that I passed the test. Shall we play the question?" "Only when I start. Where is James? I were excited to see him, but he isn't here." James was your friend, maybe the first friend you made at college. "I thought that it should be 'You and getting to know each other' but for you." he winked. "His cousin has a wedding and he is his best man. That wedding is next week, but he went there three days ago. That's my answer, you prepare for my question." he winked, again. Was he flirting with you? It was distraction for sure, but it felt weird. Literally a few hours ago you were an engaged woman, but now you're single. Whatever, you should enjoy your time and don't let Hamilton ruins it. "Which field of education are you studying?" You lifted your eyebrow. He formulated that question unusual way. "I wanted to study chemistry at first, but now I am here studying the history, you?" Easy questions, easy answers, that was good. You felt relaxed. You only wanted to know each other. "The law, I'm in the class with Aaron and James." and Alexander. Why the most people you ever met were lawyers or studying law. "I'm living with lawyers, this could be useful." You thought aloud. You didn't realize that Thomas was sitting nearer than before. "What happened? Why are you living with us now, Aaron don't want to tell me." There it went, you were thinking about him. Part of you wanted to run back to him and passionately kiss your ex spouse. The other part wanted to cause him so much pain, not a physical pain, but mental pain. The mental pain were the worst pain. "Are you okay y/n?" You blinked fast, while swinging your head in the agreement. "You don't have to answer if you don't know." He sounded worried, but he was scared, he didn't know what to do. "I'm gonna give the answer, I need to tell it. It will free my mind, little, but still..." You looked up at him and smiled. "I'm listening, I'm willow, you can say me anything." he assured you. You started, talking about it should satisfied you. "I have... had spouse. His name is Alexander Hamilton, you must know him, he studies law. We were engaged for six months." Inside your head was a voice saying don't cry, don't cry. "I broke up with him today, because he was cheating on me. The whole six months, maybe longer. When I met him, I knew he was mine, he said he was mine, I thought he was mine. But the whole time he was seeing other woman. My heart is in more than a million pieces. I cannot be with him, never again. He can't gain my trust again, I'm not stupid. He will never be the saint." You stopped and your eyes were in the tears. You loved him, you still loved that bastard. All of sudden Thomas hugged you like he was feeling your pain and trying convince pain to go away. "Thank you Thomas. Sorry, I'm a messy mess." "Shh... It's okay, you need to calm down. Remember, whatever you need, call me. After all, we are living in the same house and it makes us a weird kind of family." He made you laughed, but the tears of broken heart were still falling down your face. You stood up. "I need to sleep, I promised Angelica, that I'll go out with her on Saturday and it happend to tomorrow." _________________ "Men are arrogant idiots-." "Angelica, calm down. When Hamilton is a jerk, it doesn't mean all of them are like him." Your best friend, Angelica Schuyler, were the whole affair taking really bad, was it possible to be more mad then you were? Obviously yes. "You should be like me, date girls. We are not penis-thinking Neanderthals." You sighed. "You know that I am not into girls, I told you so many times." Angie smiled brightly and placed your hand in hers. "And if you change your mind you know where to find me." She winked, yesterday Thomas and now Angie. It helped you, in a weird way flirting helped you not thinking. You were convinced to avoid Alexander and to find a man, so he'll be mad. You sent Angelica an air kiss and winked back at her. "I think Ellie would appreciate your address more than me." You were playing the matchmaker. There was a horrified expression on Angie's face for a second. "Let's change the subject. Okay, it's good idea Anglica." She talked to herself. "Y/n, who are going to take to the Blue's charity ball, when Alex is out of the picture? I know it's soon, but you have to go there with someone." You smiled and sipped out of your black coffee. "If we were in the TV show, I would say something like, 'To be continued'. But we are in the real life, so I'm saying. It's going to be a surprise." There was Thomas saying call me whatever you need in your mind. And you were going to use his services.

[janevx]

maybe| Yuta Nakamoto IV

genre: mafia au, smut, angst

---------------------------------

 Two weeks passed really fast. Soyeon was living like regular person. Nothing bad happend to her or anything. Yuta was busy working. Taeyong needed him all the time, but Soyeon doesn’t care at all. He scared her for the sake of god, he kills people, has someting with drug and for sure bite a lot of people. This scared her, that if she does something wrong, he could hurt her. But for real, he propably not. She is too pure to him to hurt. She is someone who doesn’t deserve being his wife, she should be in her house with parents talk about stupid things, but nah.

 Soyeon works in the most popular cafe in Seoul. A lot of people regonized her at the street, becasue she is kind woman with warm heart, who is always talkative and can support anyone. But a lot of co-workes were in schock when she told them about her marriage. She weren’t dating anyone and always avoid men, but now? She is fuckin married.

— Soyeon, table number 12!

— I got it!

 She walked to the table number 12 and took order, then give it back to the barista and chief. Soyeon now has 10 mintues break in her works, so she goes to event and sit with Jisoo and Minsung. 

— Will you introduce him to us?  — Jisoo asked, when she look at her friend with smile

 Soyeon felt a big stomach ache. She never goona introduce her husband to her friends. She will avoid to meet this two as much as she can.

— I don’t think it’s good idea.

— Girl, you avoided him from us for few years! We should get to know him, for real, is he killer or policeman? 

— Hahah, is he mafia or something that you are so scared to meet us?

 Soyeon felt a bit panic. If only her friends know that what they said was true..

— No..I mean..Eh, he is too busy and I geuss he don’t like my friends. He is older about 3 years, so yeah..

— This ain’t that much difference, cmon!

— But he don’t like my friends, just this.

— He has to be asshole, if he donesn’t know us and don’t like us.

— Jerk.

— Exactly, so now, can we talk about something different?

 They end conversation few minutes later, when their break ends. She was so busy workin, but when she saw what time is it she was happy. Two hours and will be 1p.m, two hours and she will be at home.

 Soyeon grab her clothes and was about to change her clothes, but she heard someone calling her by her name. She turned around and saw her husband. She thought that this ain’t he. Yuta changed his hair. Now was white, brown under..[look at gif].. In her eyes, he looks more handsome than before. Also, he looks more dangerous. Her mouth was open, when he smiled to her.

— What are you doing here?

— I can’t came to my wife, honey?  — He hugged her  — Nice place. I’m gonna wait for you and drink good caffee, so you don’t have to speed up.

— Of course, thank you Yuta. I’m gonna be come back about few minutes.

 He nodded and did order. WTF?! She was changing her clothes and think about Yuta, she never expected to come back to home with him. He usually doesn’t care about her. Jisoo come back to her with smile.

— I thought your husband is uglier or something, but he is so damn hot. This hairstyle, face, posture.. God damn, you hit the lotto!

— Can you, please, stop talking about my husband as some fuck boy you want to fuck, Jisoo? I know he is hot, but he is my husband.

— Chill out. If you ever gonna break up, Im gonna wait.

 If this would be possible.. Soyeon stop talkin to her friend. Just packed her staff and come back to her husband, who ends drink coffee. 

— Can we go?

— Of course, darling.

 They left while they were holding hands. They look like happy couple, but this was only mask. They arrived to the car, and Soyeon felt that she has to ask about reason for his comming.

— Why did you come? I mean, you usually doesn’t give a damn about me, you are busy, so..I’m surprised.

— I care about you, silly.  — He shrugged.  —  I’m sorry if this looks like this. And today I had good day, so I thought that I can arrive you and spend some time.

— Yeah, are you sure? I mean..

— Are you still scared of me?

— I’m sorry, I’m not gonna lie..  — She looked into his eyes  — You are still scarring me in some type of way. Just things you do.. It’s really scary.

— Don’t think about it. 

— I can’t. About two weeks I think only about this. Did you kill someone? Did you do something wrong? It’s weird.

— So don’t look at my as gangsta, look at me as your husband, as a lover.

— But you aren’t my lover.. —  she whispers.

 He didin’t know how to respond. He just choosed to change the topic.

— Today you gonna meet with Johnny and Taeyong.

— Ex husband of my sister and boss of NCT?  — Her heart start pounding  — Did I do something wrong? Or I said something wrong? If yes, I’m sorr-

— NO!  — He shouted  — Just no, they want to talk about Jasmin, your sister. Also, tommorow we gonna fly to Japan.

— I don’t know Japanese.

— You don’t have to.

 At this point they end. Yuta was busy thinking and Soyeon was thinking about everything. Taeyong is really scarry guy, scarrier than Yuta? Yes! They look like they are at the same level. She was scared to meet guy who dated her sister. She was scared of truth.

When they arrived to their house, Yuta leave her. His mood change really fast, what Soyeon regonized a few days ago. He can’t control his feelings or something. Damn, Soyeon has hard time. She has to take care about what she talk, do, watch.. Everything. She was hungry so she did some pasta with tomatoes. She likes this.

 About 4 p.m someone knocked to the door. Yuta disallow her to open the door, because it could be enemy. She waited till Yuta take his Japanese ass from upstair and go back to downstair to open the freakin door. Few seconds passed, and he open the door with smile at his face.

Two weeks passed really fast. Soyeon was living like regular person. Nothing bad happend to her or anything. Yuta was busy working. Taeyong needed him all the time, but Soyeon doesn’t care at all. He scared her for the sake of god, he kills people, has someting with drug and for sure bite a lot of people. This scared her, that if she does something wrong, he could hurt her. But for real, he propably not. She is too pure to him to hurt. She is someone who doesn’t deserve being his wife, she should be in her house with parents talk about stupid things, but nah.

Soyeon works in the most popular cafe in Seoul. A lot of people regonized her at the street, becasue she is kind woman with warm heart, who is always talkative and can support anyone. But a lot of co-workes were in schock when she told them about her marriage. She weren’t dating anyone and always avoid men, but now? She is fuckin married.

— Soyeon, table number 12!

— I got it!

She walked to the table number 12 and took order, then give it back to the barista and chief. Soyeon now has 10 mintues break in her works, so she goes to event and sit with Jisoo and Minsung.

— Will you introduce him to us?  — Jisoo asked, when she look at her friend with smile

Soyeon felt a big stomach ache. She never goona introduce her husband to her friends. She will avoid to meet this two as much as she can.

— I don’t think it’s good idea.

— Girl, you avoided him from us for few years! We should get to know him, for real, is he killer or policeman?

— Hahah, is he mafia or something that you are so scared to meet us?

Soyeon felt a bit panic. If only her friends know that what they said was true..

— No..I mean..Eh, he is too busy and I geuss he don’t like my friends. He is older about 3 years, so yeah..

— This ain’t that much difference, cmon!

— But he don’t like my friends, just this.

— He has to be asshole, if he donesn’t know us and don’t like us.

— Jerk.

— Exactly, so now, can we talk about something different?

They end conversation few minutes later, when their break ends. She was so busy workin, but when she saw what time is it she was happy. Two hours and will be 1p.m, two hours and she will be at home.

Soyeon grab her clothes and was about to change her clothes, but she heard someone calling her by her name. She turned around and saw her husband. She thought that this ain’t he. Yuta changed his hair. Now was white, brown under..[look at gif].. In her eyes, he looks more handsome than before. Also, he looks more dangerous. Her mouth was open, when he smiled to her.

— What are you doing here?

— I can’t came to my wife, honey?  — He hugged her  — Nice place. I’m gonna wait for you and drink good caffee, so you don’t have to speed up.

— Of course, thank you Yuta. I’m gonna be come back about few minutes.

He nodded and did order. WTF?! She was changing her clothes and think about Yuta, she never expected to come back to home with him. He usually doesn’t care about her. Jisoo come back to her with smile.

— I thought your husband is uglier or something, but he is so damn hot. This hairstyle, face, posture.. God damn, you hit the lotto!

— Can you, please, stop talking about my husband as some fuck boy you want to fuck, Jisoo? I know he is hot, but he is my husband.

— Chill out. If you ever gonna break up, Im gonna wait.

If this would be possible.. Soyeon stop talkin to her friend. Just packed her staff and come back to her husband, who ends drink coffee.

— Can we go?

— Of course, darling.

They left while they were holding hands. They look like happy couple, but this was only mask. They arrived to the car, and Soyeon felt that she has to ask about reason for his comming.

— Why did you come? I mean, you usually doesn’t give a damn about me, you are busy, so..I’m surprised.

— I care about you, silly.  — He shrugged.  —  I’m sorry if this looks like this. And today I had good day, so I thought that I can arrive you and spend some time.

— Yeah, are you sure? I mean..

— Are you still scared of me?

— I’m sorry, I’m not gonna lie..  — She looked into his eyes  — You are still scarring me in some type of way. Just things you do.. It’s really scary.

— Don’t think about it.

— I can’t. About two weeks I think only about this. Did you kill someone? Did you do something wrong? It’s weird.

— So don’t look at my as gangsta, look at me as your husband, as a lover.

— But you aren’t my lover.. —  she whispers.

He didin’t know how to respond. He just choosed to change the topic.

— Today you gonna meet with Johnny and Taeyong.

— Ex husband of my sister and boss of NCT?  — Her heart start pounding  — Did I do something wrong? Or I said something wrong? If yes, I’m sorr-

— NO!  — He shouted  — Just no, they want to talk about Jasmin, your sister. Also, tommorow we gonna fly to Japan.

— I don’t know Japanese.

— You don’t have to.

At this point they end. Yuta was busy thinking and Soyeon was thinking about everything. Taeyong is really scarry guy, scarrier than Yuta? Yes! They look like they are at the same level. She was scared to meet guy who dated her sister. She was scared of truth. 

 Soyeon regonized that Yuta’s mood change really fast. She did it few days ago. They arrived and she left her to her own. She decided to do pasta and tomatoes, because she was hungry.

About 4 p.m someone knocked to the door. Yuta disallow her to open the door, because it could be enemy. So she waited till he take his Japanese ass and come here to open the door. Few seconds passed and he be back there infront of door. 

 He opened the door with smile, when he saw Johnny and Taeyong. Soyeon was sitting frozen on the couch, back to them. She heard that, Yuta be upstair in his office if they gonna need him. Will she be alone with two, technically strange, men? Breatch, breatch, breach..

Two weeks passed really fast. Soyeon was living like regular person. Nothing bad happend to her or anything. Yuta was busy working. Taeyong needed him all the time, but Soyeon doesn’t care at all. He scared her for the sake of god, he kills people, has someting with drug and for sure bite a lot of people. This scared her, that if she does something wrong, he could hurt her. But for real, he propably not. She is too pure to him to hurt. She is someone who doesn’t deserve being his wife, she should be in her house with parents talk about stupid things, but nah.

Soyeon works in the most popular cafe in Seoul. A lot of people regonized her at the street, becasue she is kind woman with warm heart, who is always talkative and can support anyone. But a lot of co-workes were in schock when she told them about her marriage. She weren’t dating anyone and always avoid men, but now? She is fuckin married.

— Soyeon, table number 12!

— I got it!

She walked to the table number 12 and took order, then give it back to the barista and chief. Soyeon now has 10 mintues break in her works, so she goes to event and sit with Jisoo and Minsung.

— Will you introduce him to us?  — Jisoo asked, when she look at her friend with smile

Soyeon felt a big stomach ache. She never goona introduce her husband to her friends. She will avoid to meet this two as much as she can.

— I don’t think it’s good idea.

— Girl, you avoided him from us for few years! We should get to know him, for real, is he killer or policeman?

— Hahah, is he mafia or something that you are so scared to meet us?

Soyeon felt a bit panic. If only her friends know that what they said was true..

— No..I mean..Eh, he is too busy and I geuss he don’t like my friends. He is older about 3 years, so yeah..

— This ain’t that much difference, cmon!

— But he don’t like my friends, just this.

— He has to be asshole, if he donesn’t know us and don’t like us.

— Jerk.

— Exactly, so now, can we talk about something different?

They end conversation few minutes later, when their break ends. She was so busy workin, but when she saw what time is it she was happy. Two hours and will be 1p.m, two hours and she will be at home.

Soyeon grab her clothes and was about to change her clothes, but she heard someone calling her by her name. She turned around and saw her husband. She thought that this ain’t he. Yuta changed his hair. Now was white, brown under..[look at gif].. In her eyes, he looks more handsome than before. Also, he looks more dangerous. Her mouth was open, when he smiled to her.

— What are you doing here?

— I can’t came to my wife, honey?  — He hugged her  — Nice place. I’m gonna wait for you and drink good caffee, so you don’t have to speed up.

— Of course, thank you Yuta. I’m gonna be come back about few minutes.

He nodded and did order. WTF?! She was changing her clothes and think about Yuta, she never expected to come back to home with him. He usually doesn’t care about her. Jisoo come back to her with smile.

— I thought your husband is uglier or something, but he is so damn hot. This hairstyle, face, posture.. God damn, you hit the lotto!

— Can you, please, stop talking about my husband as some fuck boy you want to fuck, Jisoo? I know he is hot, but he is my husband.

— Chill out. If you ever gonna break up, Im gonna wait.

If this would be possible.. Soyeon stop talkin to her friend. Just packed her staff and come back to her husband, who ends drink coffee.

— Can we go?

— Of course, darling.

They left while they were holding hands. They look like happy couple, but this was only mask. They arrived to the car, and Soyeon felt that she has to ask about reason for his comming.

— Why did you come? I mean, you usually doesn’t give a damn about me, you are busy, so..I’m surprised.

— I care about you, silly.  — He shrugged.  —  I’m sorry if this looks like this. And today I had good day, so I thought that I can arrive you and spend some time.

— Yeah, are you sure? I mean..

— Are you still scared of me?

— I’m sorry, I’m not gonna lie..  — She looked into his eyes  — You are still scarring me in some type of way. Just things you do.. It’s really scary.

— Don’t think about it.

— I can’t. About two weeks I think only about this. Did you kill someone? Did you do something wrong? It’s weird.

— So don’t look at my as gangsta, look at me as your husband, as a lover.

— But you aren’t my lover.. —  she whispers.

He didin’t know how to respond. He just choosed to change the topic.

— Today you gonna meet with Johnny and Taeyong.

— Ex husband of my sister and boss of NCT?  — Her heart start pounding  — Did I do something wrong? Or I said something wrong? If yes, I’m sorr-

— NO!  — He shouted  — Just no, they want to talk about Jasmin, your sister. Also, tommorow we gonna fly to Japan.

— I don’t know Japanese.

— You don’t have to.

At this point they end. Yuta was busy thinking and Soyeon was thinking about everything. Taeyong is really scarry guy, scarrier than Yuta? Yes! They look like they are at the same level. She was scared to meet guy who dated her sister. She was scared of truth Two weeks passed really fast. Soyeon was living like regular person. Nothing bad happend to her or anything. Yuta was busy working. Taeyong needed him all the time, but Soyeon doesn’t care at all. He scared her for the sake of god, he kills people, has someting with drug and for sure bite a lot of people. This scared her, that if she does something wrong, he could hurt her. But for real, he propably not. She is too pure to him to hurt. She is someone who doesn’t deserve being his wife, she should be in her house with parents talk about stupid things, but nah. Soyeon works in the most popular cafe in Seoul. A lot of people regonized her at the street, becasue she is kind woman with warm heart, who is always talkative and can support anyone. But a lot of co-workes were in schock when she told them about her marriage. She weren’t dating anyone and always avoid men, but now? She is fuckin married.— Soyeon, table number 12! — I got it! She walked to the table number 12 and took order, then give it back to the barista and chief. Soyeon now has 10 mintues break in her works, so she goes to event and sit with Jisoo and Minsung. — Will you introduce him to us?  — Jisoo asked, when she look at her friend with smile Soyeon felt a big stomach ache. She never goona introduce her husband to her friends. She will avoid to meet this two as much as she can.— I don’t think it’s good idea. — Girl, you avoided him from us for few years! We should get to know him, for real, is he killer or policeman? — Hahah, is he mafia or something that you are so scared to meet us? Soyeon felt a bit panic. If only her friends know that what they said was true..— No..I mean..Eh, he is too busy and I geuss he don’t like my friends. He is older about 3 years, so yeah.. — This ain’t that much difference, cmon! — But he don’t like my friends, just this. — He has to be asshole, if he donesn’t know us and don’t like us. — Jerk. — Exactly, so now, can we talk about something different? They end conversation few minutes later, when their break ends. She was so busy workin, but when she saw what time is it she was happy. Two hours and will be 1p.m, two hours and she will be at home. Soyeon grab her clothes and was about to change her clothes, but she heard someone calling her by her name. She turned around and saw her husband. She thought that this ain’t he. Yuta changed his hair. Now was white, brown under..[look at gif].. In her eyes, he looks more handsome than before. Also, he looks more dangerous. Her mouth was open, when he smiled to her.— What are you doing here? — I can’t came to my wife, honey?  — He hugged her  — Nice place. I’m gonna wait for you and drink good caffee, so you don’t have to speed up. — Of course, thank you Yuta. I’m gonna be come back about few minutes. He nodded and did order. WTF?! She was changing her clothes and think about Yuta, she never expected to come back to home with him. He usually doesn’t care about her. Jisoo come back to her with smile.— I thought your husband is uglier or something, but he is so damn hot. This hairstyle, face, posture.. God damn, you hit the lotto! — Can you, please, stop talking about my husband as some fuck boy you want to fuck, Jisoo? I know he is hot, but he is my husband. — Chill out. If you ever gonna break up, Im gonna wait. If this would be possible.. Soyeon stop talkin to her friend. Just packed her staff and come back to her husband, who ends drink coffee. — Can we go? — Of course, darling. They left while they were holding hands. They look like happy couple, but this was only mask. They arrived to the car, and Soyeon felt that she has to ask about reason for his comming.— Why did you come? I mean, you usually doesn’t give a damn about me, you are busy, so..I’m surprised. — I care about you, silly.  — He shrugged.  —  I’m sorry if this looks like this. And today I had good day, so I thought that I can arrive you and spend some time. — Yeah, are you sure? I mean.. — Are you still scared of me? — I’m sorry, I’m not gonna lie..  — She looked into his eyes  — You are still scarring me in some type of way. Just things you do.. It’s really scary. — Don’t think about it. — I can’t. About two weeks I think only about this. Did you kill someone? Did you do something wrong? It’s weird. — So don’t look at my as gangsta, look at me as your husband, as a lover. — But you aren’t my lover.. —  she whispers. He didin’t know how to respond. He just choosed to change the topic.— Today you gonna meet with Johnny and Taeyong. — Ex husband of my sister and boss of NCT?  — Her heart start pounding  — Did I do something wrong? Or I said something wrong? If yes, I’m sorr-— NO!  — He shouted  — Just no, they want to talk about Jasmin, your sister. Also, tommorow we gonna fly to Japan. — I don’t know Japanese. — You don’t have to. At this point they end. Yuta was busy thinking and Soyeon was thinking about everything. Taeyong is really scarry guy, scarrier than Yuta? Yes! They look like they are at the same level. She was scared to meet guy who dated her sister. She was scared of truth. 

 She regonized that Yuta’s mood change really fast. She did it few days ago. They arrived and Yuta left her on her own. She was hungry, so she decided to make some pasta with tomatoes. 

 About 4 p.m she heard koncking to the door. Yuta disallow her to open the door, because it could be enemy. She waited till Yuta take his Japanese ass and come here to open the freakin door. Few seconds passed and he opened the door.

 He smiled when he did this. It’’s Taeyong and Johnny. She sit frozen on the couch, back to them. She heard that if they need him, he gonna be upstair in his office. Will she be alone with, techincally strange, people? Damn! Breatch, breatch, breatch..

— Hello Soyeon. 

 They took their seats and look at her. Her face was pale. 

— I geuss you are not ready, to hear truth about your older, little, sister?  — Taeyong smirked, and she nodded  —But we don’t have much time. Whatever you like this or not, you gonna listen us.

— I understand.

— Johnny, go ahead.