#it is so full of my bpd | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bunnymothmartyr · 8 months ago

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Meet Arsenic!

My third fursona, acting more like a second sona in command, canonically roommate with Leo and created by Martyr with some of Leo's characteristics as to keep them for him.

[this is our relationship] [arsenic is being so nice to me i hope there is no anti freeze in this green leafy]

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honeypleasejustkillme · 2 years ago

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i use dissociation more than anything i’ve ever learned in my 10yrs of therapy

#actually bpd #bpd problems #bpd vent #actually borderline #actually mentally ill #bpd fp #bpd #bpd shitposting #bpd favorite person #bpd mood #dissociation is my favorite coping mechanism #that and avoidance #i love avoiding my problems until i can’t take it anymore and have a full blown breakdown about it #it’s easier to go through life ignoring everything that’s bothering you until it all just explodes one day #idk maybe that’s just me tho #right after every breakdown i feel like shit tho cuz i usually freak out everyone around me but i don’t know how else to cope #even tho i’ve had 10yrs of therapy nothing else worked for me #so dissociation it is babyyyy

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cutszt · 10 days ago

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Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love Love

#🫀#my chest feels so full right now i think im high i feel so full and warm i feel so warm my heart its pumping so much #yan blog #yanblr #irl yan #irl yandere #bpd yandere #yandere boy #actually obsessive #obsessive love #lovesick #yancore #stalker bf #yandere bf #obsessive yandere #obsessive thoughts

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skrunksthatwunk · 5 months ago

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ok soooo im like 5 episodes into dear brother and i need you guys to know how much i love rei so far if only for her staggering around like a rain-soaked stray dog just haggard and unseeing all the time. like we know very little about her thus far except that every scene she's in she steals the show by flopping and wilting all over the frame

#just like me fr perhaps #dear brother #oniisama e #idk what it is but shes so intriguing. mysterious shit-untogether lady #also i love everyone's beef so far like im completely hooked on the drama as camp as it usually is #like went OHH SHIT the second i found out the big three were on bad terms like ouhhh theyre fightinggg #and minako is profoundly real. the video essay that convinced me to watch this mentioned her encapsulation of quote #'every bpd feeling ive ever had' and as an outsider that seems right #school full of girls to study under a magnifying glass like bugs. girlbugs #this is an era of shojo im not very familiar with (ok ig all eras are like that but my knowledge of 70s shojo is like.#ok rose of vsailles over here and that tennis thing's over there and uh. yeah thats it)#and yeah ik the anime's from the 90s but it appears. to me. pretty married to more 70s aesthetics at least #ANYWAY kaoru ily we need a butch failgirl to shout these girls into line and shes balling too btw no way #and minako ily you're extremely real and a scene stealer and i need you to beat more girls up #nanoko im leering over your shoulder like a little shoulder devil bc i want you to be worse and im suspecting you're getting there #oh i forgot to say this part but i keep comparing it to utena #no one ive seen brings up db in their utena analyses as an influence so i have to wonder if 1) this is just more obscure #(if only for the western video essayists im watching) or 2) they share other common ancestry im not familiar with #once again i gotta watch rose of vrsailles for brserk reasons but also now bc of this #she's important she's influential etc etc #anyway yeah excited to get back to the mentally ill girl variety hour ✌️✌️#asuka rei #<- I FORGOT TO TAG IT WITH HER 😫😫😫

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cconfusedkat · 2 months ago

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I wanted to mention i do in fact have NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) so whenever i make any hc regarding a character with npd it is all based on my own experiences regarding my disorder !!!

For kallamar hes been neglected his whole childhood as well as not getting enough praise as a child , thus forcing himself into academics at a faster pace than everyone else for recognition from his peers ,,, hir pmv will be the only colored one just to represent hir better sense of self compared to the other bishops :-3c

^ Shamura has avpd (avoidant personality disorder), Heket has bpd (borderline personality disorder) , and Leshy often derealizes && forgets about the reality of things (Narinder doesnt exactly struggle with a sense of self ,, hes also probably the only one out of the family to. Like. Not struggle with identity ? Hes 100% aware of reality , its mainly just the social aspect of life hes a lil bad at ,,, Autism™ )

I *wouldve* given one of them aspd (antisocial personality disorder) But. I do not have aspd! Even with enough research of this disorder i think its not my place to hc anyone with aspd just cuz ive zero experience with it 👍👍 the ring of cluster pd's are Broken </3 /sil

#sydneys thoughts #Why do i put so much effort into hcs of characters that arent My Own. Is that weird 😭?#I love a game so much i accidentally create full on hc stories for characters i love 🗿 listen LISTEN . IT CAN BE FUN #Btw i have avpd and bpd 👍👍 i am also clearing that up 👍👍 just what i mean by putting personal experiences!! I am diagnosed prof #Like oBVIOUSLY not everything has to be projectionism But. Tis the only way i feel is important for me #Other than that you BET your ass im spending months of research on a thing just to hc a character properly KDHSDJSDK

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gunkbaby · 8 months ago

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Being a shuu fan is so hard bc people automatically assume you also ship shuuneki

#i dont.#idgaf #like i find shipping as a concept so dull #Unless it’s the old man yaoi mirumo x yoshimura 🥵🥵🥵🥵get it on granddaddies!!!#But i look at shipping and i just. dont get it #Cool tho #like idc #i only ever repost shuuneki art bc shuu #Like kaneki is not very interesting to me.#Shuu is in love w kaneki but i just observe it. That love for ken only makes me more interested in shuu #Especially as someone with bpd #I can see shuu’s obsession. I know it is full of love and i know the pain he must be in in re #That’s as far as my interest in kaneki goes #It’s all shuu. It always had been.#I too have obsessed over people i cared for. Too much. I was creepy too. Clingy to the point of unsettling. and all it did was hurt everyon #I care for shuu #I want him to be happy #shuucore #tg gunk #tokyo ghoul #shuu tsukiyama #kaneki

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katyspersonal · 1 year ago

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#personal #internets #at this rate I've unfollowed both of the kinda.. 'controvercial' blogs I've been following #since there was a good chunk of actually good takes about how bad media is now and society and braindead internet 'activists' that-#-had it too good in their western countries and NEEDED to invent the reason to bully and excile people #could honestly resonate with it despite some other posts causing genuine pain. but mostly about terribly handled media #like you know that thing when corporations do terrible ass rep to pretend that they care for minorities #or artificially fabricate online backlash against their new actors to show investors that people show interest for their product because-#-of all the clicks on their article?#like discussion of this kind sorta keeps me sober #as a person with BPD I get contaminated by opinions VERY easily and as an autist I will believe everything if it is put together 'logically #that's why I HAVE to be exposed to every possible opinion so I am forced to make out my own rather than being swayed anywhere #but at this point those blog became kinda.. bad? like they don't just have 'opinions' but they hate just to hate #but now my dashboard and recs are full of exclusively things I can fully agree with and I am scared that it will rot my brain #like.. emotions are always the same. where is the 'wait WHAT' effect? where is anger? where is self-reflection?#but ALSO I realized that 'those' blogs are no better than those western 'warriors' I despise and they become narrow-minded too in the end #they advertise themselves as 'open to debate' only to always sway debate into trying to win and not into actually discovering the truth #I cannot trust any side because they're all narrow-minded and hostile but I cannot trust people without any side because-#-they're fence-sitters without morals that side with the winner #is there a secret third thing? like is there a way to not take a side but to still HAVE ideals and opinions?#my problem is that if I am not exposed to people that trash everything I value I forget why AM I valuing [a thing] to BEGIN with #and that won't do will it

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blue-banditt · 26 days ago

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My mom today asked me THREE times if I was okay. The emotional enmeshment my mother has with me makes me want to hide everything from her. I wish I could appreciate the fact that she's being a caring mother but ik if I said anything about how I'm feeling beyond surface stuff she would take on the burden and it would start to become her problem too. And I believe she's even worse at emotional regulation than I am. Fuck if I wanna set off another one of her ... Episodes for the rest of my family to deal with when I can't even be there to help her

#THIS IS FUCKING WHY I HAVE ISSUES WITH THINKING I HURT OTHER PEOPLE #literally used to draw myself as a demon/monster when I was asked to draw myself in psych hospitals #Anyway I just said I was suffering bc of my misophonia and left it at that #Truly I've been staving off a BPD episode bc it's been yet another full day of not hearing from FP #I've been dissociated all day (driving back home was so fucking weird & scary) and immediately started drinking when I got home

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unbearable-swagger · 11 months ago

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Hello! If this question is too intrusive, feel free to not respond. I'm just curious, what is it like to have both NPD and BPD?

I feel like this question is hard to answer because I don't really have a metric for what it's like to have neither, or just one, since I've never experienced that.

The lines between them are really blurry I think. A lot of symptoms come from both or are definitely not normal but can't be traced back to one specifically. I definitely have a weird experience with empathy because of them. I don't feel empathy for most people, but I do feel it for my FPs/chosen people to a certain degree. It's hard to pin down what is and isn't empathy though. I'm very protective of my FPs/chosen people, so when someone or something hurts them it can feel like empathy but really just be anger that the world would hurt them. Jealousy also overlaps between them a lot.

Definitely it doesn't feel like I'm having two distinct experiences but rather one big disorder, even though I fit the diagnostic criteria for both.

#also sorry if this has been sitting for awhile my notifs are always full from that one 80k note post i made #so i tend to miss stuff in my ask box #mecore #bpd #npd #asks

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daz4i · 1 year ago

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let me preface this by clarifying i am not anti therapy in any way whatsoever and in fact encourage people to get therapy if they can and even go the extra step to help friends find the right type of therapy that may help them

ok now that that's out of the way.

therapy is bullshit man you go to a therapist saying "hey. i wanna kill myself. can you help me stop wanting to kill myself somehow?" and they go "sure! first step, stop wanting to kill yourself" and you say "well i can't. that's why i came to you. bc i don't know. how to stop wanting to kill myself" and they'll say "that's a shame. i can't help you if you want to kill yourself. that'll be 125$ please"

#mad abt my old therapist again #even checked the cost of sessions in usd to make this accessible. came out to be 124$ and a bit. and i did that on a weekly basis for YEARS #and i'm extra mad bc trying to find a new therapist is already hard esp with bpd where your options are very limited as is #but when they ask abt my history with therapy and they ask why i stopped seeing him after years. what am i supposed to say #so that scares them off and they say they can't help me or they're like. scared to go deep with me ig. bc idk. they're scared I'll snap?#what am i supposed to do. hospitalizing myself isn't an option obvs. what is there left.#it feels like a cycle #like. 'i can't help you if you don't want to help yourself'. but i need help even figuring out how to want that #and it's not like ppl in my life know how to help. tbh they usually make it worse. so loved ones aren't an option and professionals aren't -#- an option. so what is there left. how am i supposed to do a thing that comes naturally to others but not to me #even with medication even being in a recovery program i want to kms more than i used to for years #I'm supposedly taking the right steps. but. to get metaphorical ig. the road is crumbling and there's nowhere to go #and that only makes me spiral more. despite taking the right steps i feel like i'm only getting worse. there's no hope for me. lol #vent #suicide //#negative //#ask to tag #i need a good cry like full-on sobbing and screaming but unfortunately. i became too emotionally constipated for that

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ducksbuttocks · 5 months ago

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the thing is. i didn't have a single day of rest this summer. like for me it hasn't been summer yet and it won't be until june 2025. and it's only been partially my choice the rest i was forced into. so maybe it's bitter and unfair and petty but i hope it rains on all their holidays and i hope they lightly sprain an ankle on the first day and also i hope they get stung by jellyfish <3

#and this is me holding in 98% of my rage btw #if i let my full bpd rage show i fear i'd be the last person on earth. so really i should get a medal #(...)

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babisawyer · 9 months ago

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licherally I've had people with bpd tell me girl I think you have bpd. and I'm like nah....maybe so, but nah. And it's so funny now because I'm reading up on it and uhhh...I'm thinking it's leaning more towards maybe so.

#🐇#and when I say so funny I mean if you listen closely enough you might hear me scream #my big thing was that I've never really done the favorite person thing persay #like I'm very much a solitary person aside from having a few friends like I keep my shit to myself and I feel like no one wants to #fuck around with me at any given time....but wouldn't you know it other people with bpd feel the same exact way #anyway....time to go eat strawberry shortcake. it's strawberry shortcake season again if you didn't know #they've got these big bowl things as big as your head full of strawberry shortcake at the food city. like....maybe god is real you know

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wildermouse · 2 years ago

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y’all i think i’m hypomanic

#now i’m questioning again if i actually do have bpd all along #i was certain for YEARS i did but my old therapist invalidated me #said i have traits but because QUIET bpd isn’t in the dsm5 he said no #but then i learned more about autism and how it’s often mistaken for bpd #and i thought that explained it #but i definitely experience these mood shifts and for seemingly no cause #some times i cannot get out of my bed for a full week and i’ll close my blinds and turn the lights off and wallow in the dark #but rn i’m like dancing in my room at 3am and not eating and hardly sleeping and i have this drive to like #be alive ?#i wanna go out and do things #but i have no friends!!!!#and nowhere to go!!!!#also i’ve been taking selfies recently and i haven’t in like a year so that’s saying something

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middleagedmanyaoi · 1 year ago

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hypomanic and railed some adderall to get my school work done and had my 2 daily energy drinks like an hour ago so apologies. about how annoying i will be.

#i will describe myself as hypomanic but am VERY hesitant to say i have bipolar disorder.#even though i have been told to go on mood stabilizers and have had it confirmed that i deal with hypomanic episodes.#everyone ik says i probably just have bpd and im inclined to believe that based on the way i like. am #but bpd euphoria doesn't last like 4 days - a week afaik. and i am like 99% sure ive had a full blown or like.#riding the line yk. manic episode. but my therapist just told me i need mood stabilizers and didnt confirm LOL #also i don't have a favorite person rn and feel weirdly stable outside of occasional getting ignored and going crazy #but like i have good friends now and shit. so. yeah. LMAO.

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krispiecake · 2 years ago

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currently thinking about how when i told my dad to tell my mother i would not be speaking to her until she apologised she just. straight up stopped even trying to contact me. like, not even a text. absolutely insane how much this woman refuses to admit that maybe she was wrong about how she handles some things. she cannot swallow her pride to even do this one really small basic show of respect. fucking mental.

#like…… i think she said ‘im sorry it came out rude’ right after it happened but. GIRL.#THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE APOLOGISING FOR AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT.#she knows full well that what she said was inappropriate invalidating triggering and insulting #AND that i have repeatedly asked her NOT to say it over the past few years.#and yet she just says ‘sorry it came out rude’???? like not ‘im sorry i said that’ not ‘i was wrong and insulting and disrespectful of ur #boundries that youve had in place for years now’#and like she keeps doing this again and again and again with so many fucking things #she just has no respect for my mental health issues or who i am or like just me as a person #its near constant. shes always subtly calling me dramatic and ridiculous and telling me that im stupid and that its all my fault #but the moment i try to bring up anything like this to her just just yells #and goes ‘oh i get it im a horrible mum well i tried my best and i put in so much work’ ect ect ect #like i was sharing with her biosocial theory and how i think that bcause we have never different ways of regulating out emotions #it meant i was never taught to do it properly/in a way that works for me and that combined with my autism and my trauma likely led to my bpd #and when i tried to explain that it wasnt anyones fault its just that we’re different ppl and there was no way she couldve knows #she was like ‘ohhhh so its MY fault? hm? I’M the reason youre like this!?’#and she looks down on me so fucking much for my ed and for sh and really just for any symptoms i show bc #why cant i deal with things properly like HER.#idk its so exhausting like i just want a proper apology from my own fucking mother but no.#shes doing the exact same thing that she berates and mocks and looks down on me for.#ugh i feel like screaming

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radiotorn · 2 years ago

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I’m glad the people understand :)

#noise went away and the world is now full of peace :)#still thinking of the time my friend (who has bpd) was like #owen imagine there’s three blankets on u #i take off the first and it’s autism under it…second one under there’s adhd. Third there’s bpd #and I was just like MAPBY! perhaps #its So funny he has a special interest in psychology and since we became friends he was like. Owen I think you have X #and I just sit there and shrug and go IT MAY BE A POSSIBILITY! I have no idea though #i don’t mind it at all tbh it’s interesting bc I am usually if not all the time lost on what’s going on with myself #And I’m open to Anything being the reason why I am This Way (awesome and cool)#anyways yeah just wanted to share sheugs. This is my blog you listen to my thoughts ok?#ow.txt

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