#it is so cold here that i want to cry
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A Mandated Holiday Break - Chapter 1
Characters: Sylus x gn!mc (poly lads)
Warnings: None
Word Count: 779
Written: 21st December 2024
Notes: This is the first fanfic I've posted, it's not proofread, I don't know how many chapters there will be. Pray for me. Post-relationship Sylus/MC-centric but poly LADs, with my personal pov of the game and lil headcanons littered in.
Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
Masterlist AO3
It's one thing to take their government mandated holidays, as a hunter. It feels wrong, they know they need to take time off. People need breaks. If they don't rest, they fray. As a hunter, being sloppy means letting someone get hurt.
They know that.
Still... they've never been good at taking time off. It was easier with their family around, if Caleb hadn't dragged them home occasionally, they'd have burned themselves out frequently.
Now they just face the disapproving looks of their dear doctor... who is far less enthused, but far too professional to do any dragging.
It's another thing when their favourite captain tells them to go home because they look like shit. Alright, maybe not in that many words, but the sentiment was there. They try to imagine Jenna cursing and while it feels right, they also feel like they've seen something they really shouldn't.
She's right though, they muse. Dark circles, clothing tattering, ache in limbs.
If they'd been asked when they last took a holiday... well they couldn't answer.
Tara nudges them, warm smile on her face, "I'll text you. Go sleep." And with a warm hand on their back, she pushes them towards the door.
They're tempted to look for Xavier to say goodbye for the day, but it's late and he could be anywhere. (Though they're willing to bet he's stolen a break room for a nap.)
Instead they leave the Hunters Association, standing in the street below, staring up at the holiday decorations lining the street. It's cold enough that their teeth chatter...
And they come face to face with the loneliness of being stood here, an empty home and the knowledge that all their loved ones are still busy, working, wrapping everything up.
They could go visit Zayne, but he's got such an important job they don't want to intrude. (The voice in their head that sounds a bit like his tries to remind them they could never intrude.) They could message Xavier, but if he's finally resting they'd had to disturb him. (They never could, he's pleased whenever they spend time with him or join him for a nap.) They could go check in on Rafayel, but he's preparing for an exhibit and they don't want to break his creative flow. (How could they when they're his muse? The reason he found purpose in a paintbrush again.)
Instead they stand and stew and struggle. Internally debating how much they can exist in a space, before a caw snaps them out of their shuddering. Arms wrapped around them through the too thin coat, not at all built for the snow and chill.
Mephie perches on their shoulder, his red eyes gleaming. They're hit with the strange feeling that the robot bird knows and sees far more than he should, before the non metal feathers puff up, snuggling into the crook of their neck.
In seconds all the tense strain in their limbs ease up, and they breathe out a long exhale. "Hey." They manage, forcing their teeth to stop chattering and their smile comes gently.
They're unsure if it's for the birds benefit, or for his owner, but they realise it doesn't matter. Both bring unrivalled comfort.
Their new companion, caws again, tone deaf and glitchy, before clacking his beak at them. Extending his foot, a small message tied to it.
Why Sylus doesn't send them messages in any normal way, they'll never understand. He enjoys phone calls, texts them constantly, but whenever he wants to be dramatic, in flies Mephisto with a letter or a note, on a blaze of feathers and metal.
Gently, they untie it, patting the pretty bird's head as they do so with one hand.
He preens and coos at them happily, glitchy static and very real pleasure at their attention.
'You have time off. I'm booking it for the week.'
They'd question how he knows, but he always seems to know. They should find it creepy, but they've since learned if he doesn't watch their back constantly, people who want them hurt do.
Perhaps they've grown too soft on him, his attentions, his affection, his constantly presence, but they find it more soothing than unnerving.
Still. They would like to know how many ways he's keeping track of them.
If only for the curiousity lurking under their skin, one of the traits he teases them for.
"I guess you're my accompaniment then Mephie?" The bird puffs up, proud and preening, and he looks far too much like his prideful master for a moment for them to not chuckle. As their guide kicks up into the sky, flying off, they follow him a little lighter.
#wonder writes#love and deepspace#sylus#lads sylus#lads x reader#lads x mc#sylus x reader#reader x sylus#lads#love and deepspace sylus#a mandated Christmas break#please don't perceive me I feel sick just uploading this I don't write for fandoms and the idea truly makes me want to cry 🙈#but I also can't stop writing shit about this man so... this is where I got#anyway... ye...#this isn't specifically a Christmas thing but umm#it is based in winter because it's cold here#and I want to lie in front of a fire with sylus
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I thought maybe there was something we needed to know. But it doesn't matter. I told you not to come on the boat! You were crying, I thought something was wrong. Nothing was wrong. Either way, the sun's set and it's crazy cold out there.
#rayllum#rayllumedit#s6#6x03#my edits#graphics#arc 2#tag ramble#i love this lil moment for a lot of reasons. one being that we sit with it for a beat#bc things are wrong. their relationship is wrong. but neither is willing to rock the boat (pun intended)#in that way to start hashing more stuff out. the fact the last time they were on a Ship it was a disaster (5x08)#rayla crying bc of her own feelings and regret but of course she's. not going to unload that on him#trying to keep him away from the boat (from her / her pain / them) still for his own wellbeing in some ways#moving so he's in the light and warmth and she's in the dark and cold. which he'll do for her with the blanket#rayla not denying that was crying but that it's a concern#and callum's not willing to totally take that ('either way [if something Was wrong or not]')#even if he doesn't push the way he might've in the past (1x06 3x04) bc now 5x04 happened#and he has faith she'll tell him when she's ready#the fact by the end of this episode he's expressed the heaviness weighing on his heart (dark magic use) and#she has to a degree (wanting him back through the face touch) but. not to the same degree#makes me wonder if we'll get more call backs to the diary during the possession fight#'i don't know if you can hear me and if you're there. but if you are here - callum please'
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i fucking hate winter i want to [remembers threatening suicide just harms my loved ones] take down a deer with my bare hands and rip its throat out with my teeth
#when the cycle goes angry-depressed-angry-depressed and theyre two sides of the same coin#the deer is me and i would cry over its dead body the second the anger left me#i wanted to go to bed EARLY tonight#god it's so fucking over#i wish there was therapy where you could say you wanted to kill yourself without being admitted/prevented from going to study abroad#im just so ANGRY for no reason and then im so fucking sad.#and i cant actually talk to friends about it because idk i just cant#boohoo it;s cold out so now im considering killing myself after we graduate but i realize i could never do that to my family#so now im just kinda sitting here miserable with no way out
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How are we feeling today, people who read pokespe?
#pokemon#hardenshipping#pokemon special#I CANT#Theyre living in my brain rent free#sometimes i just remember that Archie really called him friend after everything#after we see him being so cold to everyone and after he killed Maxie#and it makes me want to break walls#and then i remember how theyre die together peacefully after everything#theyre so calm because theyre together and theyre know they did their best#and it makes me so sad so sick so emotional im going to cry someday#also#the fact archie ask maxie about if he want to work together again#first of all thats kind of ironic and emotional after we knoe archie killed maxie#second thing its that jts funny because in the beginning its maxie who asks for working together perhaps#i can't#i want to write essay about them im actuallt going to do it and then post it here#so every one of you will cry again
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#sorrrry pity party part 1323 incoming#i am finally feeling slightly better - still no appetite and not like myself but i want to get up and showered and dressed and stuff#and can actually walk around#and mr sportsthoughts has just come upstairs and looks like death and it sounds like he is now coming down with what i've had#we thought he already had it but it never progressed past a cold so i think it was something different & now he's caught the plague from me#i just want to cry. and go to sleep until 2025 so this year can be over#we have cancelled SO MUCH this week and are going to literally miss every single friends and family christmas occasion at this point#and hahahaahaa at least we'll be fine by jan when we have to go and fly and see his parents which is the one thing we both don't want to do#and its fine we are ok we're together we're fortunate to be in a dry warm house etc#i'm just really letting my feelings get the better of me because i have put so much emphasis on christmas this year - even more than usual#because it's been such a rotten year and christmas was just this wonderful few weeks where he'd be home and we had all these special plans#and it was the one thing keeping me going and now it's here and well. we aren't exactly on tip top festive form#womp womp. nothing can be done! at least i'm alive and on the mend
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i have said this again and again but i will say it one more time: fans of the terror watch the terror season 2 NOOOOOW. george takei is in it.
#i fear the second season is like one of my favorite seasons of television ever and it's gonna be lost to time bc no one has seen it.#hello. hello. it's so cold out here can anyone here me. the terror season 2: infamy. watch that!#i'll say imo it's 100000x better than s1#the end of it and the plot twist made me like want to throw up and cry and then stare at a wall for a while#but if youre a fan of the horror of the family and culture and relationships and war and white people. well!
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somehow i managed to speedrun every injury/situation which landed me in the emergency room this year last night👍 emergency room wrapped if you will
#burned my hand ✅ allergic reaction✅ mental breakdown✅ got a period✅#i may as wll just walk into the sea tbh#and yes; fc i managed to burn my hand the exact same place i did last time#it's not as severe as that first rime but the skin there is extremely thin and sensitive for heat so yeah. wanted to fucking die#had to hold a cold coke in my hand in order to fall asleep actually 🥲 and eat dubious amounts of painkillers🥲#and then my lip just fucking swelled again#and i thought ok. this might as well just happen. it'll go away if i just sleep#and then it didn't so yeah im just sitting here looking completely botched#i suspect that i reacted to the aspirin i took but there's no way to know so idk#and i have work later today so im just. going to cry or something#merry Christmas everyone
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Brb gotta just yell into the void
#GOD IM JUST#so both Q and I were under the impression we would be getting help fixing the place#almost a full week later#it’s basically just been me his elderly grandma and him when hes not working#which is very little time since he’s full time#I have been working on this place from basically sunrise to sunset#doing what I can to make it clean and repaint#but I can’t do most repairs#mainly what the bathroom needs#but today#ooooooo today#Q’s parents are getting on our nerves man#we’ve been trying to explain that the bathroom is not functional in it’s current state#and instead of Q’s father#the landlord of this place who decided keeping it while living two and a half hours away was a smart idea#helping to fix said bathroom#says he’d rather work on the living room floor which is the lowest priority#and when we expressed this to them#his mother goes#if you don’t like it you can go live somewhere else#EXCUSE ME#I have literally been spending all the time I can trying to fix up YOUR place for you two#to the point where I am now coming down with a cold and my lowing back is killing me#where Q is sacrificing every free moment he has trying to do what he can while working a full time job#and THIS is the thanks we get???????#what the hell#anyway they’re coming tomorrow but Q has work so I am going to cry#I am so exhausted and stressed if they pull some shit I might just do something I shouldn’t#I want this to be over#the second were able to afford a house we’re getting the hell out of here
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MacGyver (2016) s3e15 K9 + Smugglers + New Recruit | Cold Open
#macgyver#macgyver 2016#video#angus macgyver#desiree nguyen#desi#mac#cold opens#3x15#queue#EDIT: meant to queue this for tomorrow but I guess today it is. have a bonus cold open for today#ok I was so prepared to dislike her by default just bc I was so disappointed at jack being essentially replaced but#god this scene is so fun to me. I really. REALLY loved her right off the bat#cocky badass beautiful woman breaks into his home and berates him for 2 minutes straight? what's not to love#also they remembered the lake como scar. which is cool#esp because they didnt in the casino heist ep but whos counting#certainly not me#EDIT: stop reading the tags here if you want to avoid me ranting about the writers choices lmfao#if only they didn't go down the needless romance route. things could have been so fun *clenching my fists and crying* we couldve had it all#the romance wasnt EVEN WELL WRITTEN. dysfunctional ass relationship if ive ever seen one. which I have#sorry sorry. and no hate to those that ship macdesi obviously but. how they characterized her in the following seasons made me seethe#THEY DID HER SO DIRTY AND ILL NEVER FORGIVE THE WRITERS FOR IT. actually I don't think there's a single character in seasons 4-5 they didn'#just absolutely butcher at least once. it is so abysmal#OK SORRY HAD TO GET THAT OFF MY CHEST sorry folks. we're back to fun happy goodtimes now
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every time it's the end of the year i feel like i'm going insane like the entire year just culminates into me just mcfreaking losing it on new years eve
#first of all i am so tired. my cat is on this horrible schedule where she wakes up at like 11pm and so i end up staying up to play with#her until like 2am bc im like she slept all day she needs to play which is fine but i get up at 7 every morning and so ive been doing this#for like 2 weeks straight and im so tired. so last night at like 1am i was just playing with her just sobbing bc im so tired#but i feel so guilty just going to sleep when she wants to play so im like im not just going to not play so im sitting my bed#throwing her stupid little yarn for her just crying and she's like :) watching me throw it back and forth im like ok.#but that's whatever bc idc i'll do anything for her#then since saturday there has been this Smell in my hallway and i have looked everywhere for it and i dont even know what it is#but it's like a sour kind of just really irritating smell and it's not strong but it just lingers#and ive searched EVERYWHERE. and nothing is wrong so now i'm thinking maybe#something died on the roof in my bathroom vent fan thing bc i leave my bathroom window open all the time but#last night it was almost completely closed bc it was cold last night and i was like ok yeah it's stronger in here now#so i just taped a trash bag over it to see if it goes away and if that's it then i have to deal with that#also im getting my period so i know that's why im upset at all#then i have a lost package that ive been waiting for since a week before christmas and i was like hey can you guys like help me find my#package like it's not the company's fault but i wanted to know if they could like idk contact the shipper or something#and theyre like oh it's just tracking error :) it's on it's way#like ok. it's in a city an hour away from me and it's been in limbo between ups and usps since the 19th so no it's actually not coming at#all i think but they keep blowing me off#then i have to go to the store right now and i know it's going to be so crowded and anyway ok im done dumping and complaining#i just feel like im drowning rn but im going drink so much champagne tonight and forget it all
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Took my little brother to school with me and all he did was nibble my homework >:(
#howl's boring life#I'm not using twitter anymore but haven't bothered making a bsky bc i have smth wrong in my head where doing basic things is impossible#but i have so many things i want to share and I haven't made a personal post on tumblr in years#tags are the only place i feel comfortable#and my bestie is dealing w his fiance having a literal psychotic episode so I can't share my pointless shit w him#and even if no one reads a tweet or tags or whatever it feels helpful yknow?#anyway i just found out that I'll need to retake chem and bio to get into the vet tech program#and chem is already waitlisted for spring and wouldnt work w the other two classes and work#and the program only opens applications once a year so I'll have to wait until fall 2026 to start if i can't apply before this dec31#i had to miss work today bc of a cold w a fever and tomorrow is the holiday party :(#99% of my coworkers are great but there's a small little clique headed by a life sucking evil bitch#that makes me feel so stressed and bullied and awful#i mean the vitch has been outright hostile rude and unprofessional to me but like#im a pushover and also barely out of probationary period I can't just roll up with complaints about a three year employee#despite everyone else agreeing that she's fucking awful and they can't stand her and she's had a run in with every single one of them#man it's so hard when you get paid shit#i hope I can get promoted to assistant after my externship and stop being hamstrung like an idiot#I'm not allowed to draw up nemex??? hello??? it's harmless and i know how to read a syringe?#there's a lot going on in life and i want to cry all the time#but i do like my work at least. on days that vile woman isn't there#anyway here's mom's dog i took him to class w me a few weeks ago#and also yesterday he's a big hit#final's on thursday! certification exam is jan 10 so im this 🤏 close to being an approved veterinary assistant#I WANNA POKE SOME CRITTERS!!!!
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just because my day is so slam packed that I don’t have a chance to post about Maximus DOES NOT mean that I’m not (1) constantly thinking about him, (2) wishing I was on this blog posting about him, and (3) mentally writing the sweetest or wildest fantasies about him
#i hate it when Life™️ prevents me from obsessing over my beloved#i have to do it mentally#i haven’t written anything for him in like!! over a week!!!#i MISS my husband#tonight i finally have a freer evening so hopefully i can catch up#watch gladiator write something make some new posts cry myself to sleep over his injust death#just girly things#maximus beloved you are ever on my mind and in my heart#y’all i woke up this morning and literally i was SO WARM AND COXY#and i STILL had to get up and go to work in the freezing cold#all i wanted to do was snuggle up and think about max#but here i am#the night seems a lifetime away when i will have time to obsess about him more thoroughly#until then#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe#text posts
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me rn
#pom ponders#work woes#thinking about how my ex bestie is coming back to the store next week and i already want to cry#i know working with her is going to stress me out and it's going to affect my mood at work and at home#I'm going to have to put my guard up around people and be cold to them and i don't want to#but i can't trust anyone to not fall into her charms and i don’t have the energy to fight it#so i just have to accept that being at work is going to be hell and I'm going to be upset all the time#and i can't go anywhere else right now and i can't quir because i need the money to pay my bills and feed my cats#my mental health is gonna go down the toilet but who cares right#and I'm here screaming into the void because i can't rant to anyone else without sounding like a broken record#oh well i guess
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😭😭 feeling so fucking awful for the second day in a row now WHEN will this end...
#ive been nauseous and my head is spinning and i cant keep any food in my stomach#drank a cup of tea today and havent thrown up yet so thats... something#and i am in this reality for now... woke up being like who & when & where am i for a solid hour#trying to beat all the really bad thoughts away from my head but urgh#im also like... cold#even tho im wearing a sweater and it should Not be cold here ive been just feeling like that p consistently#i do Not want to google wtf is wrong with me bc that will freak me out even further but also... the fuck is wrong with me#is mixing alcohol w antidepressants really that fucking bad.#been fine on different meds before#this is just fucking awful im never drinking again#shouldve stayed home at least i could cry there lmao
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it's a great day to be in the most insane headspace
where i'm sick and thus loopy and whiplashing violently between: shocks of anger and despair and then vibrating with delight
my blood pressure is so far up i'm gonna take an aspirin this is ridiculous
the fucking slow tigers are gaining on me i swear
#on the music and entertainment front: everything i wanted and more i'm so happy#on the living in this country front: i am SO angry and feeling betrayed by the democratic party (yet again)#i am ALSO resigned because i'd literally vote for a baked potato over trump but MY GODS i'm pissed and SAD#and i also can't breathe or sleep or evidently emotionally regulate#which is why i'm on here posting like sn idiot#i just want to CRY but i can't i'm on so much cold medicine and now i have to probably cancel my dr appointment friday which#rescheduling is such a pain too#so it's so tempting to just switch over to fandom mode and wallow in good and pretty and fun things#because every time i see the political news i get like a jumpscare flinch and tightening in my chest i hate this#i can't even check my email
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Hiya! I love your writing and ive been following your blog for a couple of years now (2-3 I think) and I just wanted to say how much I appreciate and adore your writing! Thank you so much for all you’ve written! Ive not been on tumblr much the past few months, and I’ve found that many of my favourite writers are leaving and deactivating their accounts, which is such a pity although completely understandable! Tumblr can be a pretty sucky platform for writers unfortunately :/ anyways I just wanted to thank you for your writing, it’s absolutely gorgeous and your style inspirational! I hope you keep writing, on or off tumblr, as you truly have a gorgeous and unique style! Thank you so much for all your contributions and I hope you’re having a lovely day!!
NONNIEEEEE oh my god oh my god hi hello I am going to sob first and foremost so im gonna get all snotty all over this ask wozooqjzlaozo but thank you so much? genuinely genuinely this means more than u can imagine and I aaAAAAA (being off tumblr and on and off writing ((mostly off oop)) really shows via my decline of the eng language clearly HAHAHA I can’t even articulate properly)
THANK U FOR BEING HERE FOR SO LONG?? AND REMEMBERING ME?? AND JUST. IT FEELS LIKE COMING HOME AND THEN SEEING ALL MY OLD FRIENDS AND THE NOSTALGIA IS A LIL NUCLEAR AND IM JUST SO EMOTIONAAAAAAL AAAAAA
Thank YOUUU for being on here and reading and being so so so lovely to me AND ALSO. im gonna go hide in the tags actually but I owe u my life I am kissing all ur fingers nd toes and maybe lips I’m infinitely happy that ur still here after all this time on this platform, I hope u are having the best day (and the best past few years whilst I’ve been mia <333)
#urusai! baka#OH MYGUAIZIAOZOAKZPIAOAOAO#U DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS MADE MY DAY MADE MY WEEK MADE MY ??? MONTH#ILYSM GENUINELY SO SO#I CAME TO CRY ABOUT UR LOVELY COMPLIMENTS IN MY TAGS#BECAUSE I COULDNT DO IT OUT IN THE MAIN POST IM#KICKING MY FEET BLUSHING RUNNING LAPS IN MY BEDROOM AND TAKING COLD SHOWERS#thank u so much for just. ur#idek i never know what to say when someone compliments my writing because im simultaneously combusting at the praise and being seen and just#its so !!!!! thank u for recognizing (??? not the right woed for this but) it and im so happy u like it!!!!#I am working on a fic!! 3k in!! it was going strong and then i got distracted by irl axooaz but its a partner fic with rae rae and SHES#BASICALLY DONE HERS SO IM GONNA QORK HARD TO GET BACK INTO MINE#I love writing sm i just waterboard myself with wips a lil hehe#but hopefully i am praying i xan finish smth for once (again finally)#also re: writers leaving— its so sad and i get itttt and I MISS EVEDYONE ON HERE AND TOSAY I ACC JUAT GOT A TIKTOK FROM 2020 HQ AND IT MADE#ME WANT TO CLAW MY FLESH OFF MY BONES AND FEED IT TO A TIME MACHINE SO I CAN LIKE#PERMANENTLY LIVE IN THAT TIMEEEW AAAA ok ok anyways#i love u pls stay and this msg made my heart explode like a supernova#u r near nd dear to my heart everyone from that time is automatically i am latching onto u all#kissing u loving u hoping the past fww yeass have been amazing for u <33333
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