#it is nearly 2:30 I was supposed to do schoolwork today

[quibbs126]

Yesterday I saw someone on Twitter mentioning the babyfication of Bumblebee in the fandom, and that's been somewhat of a thought in my mind before, so I figured "eh, might as well write my own thoughts on the matter myself". Though in a tumblr post, since Twitter has a character limit and I don't feel like doing a thread

So yeah, that's what this is

Why does Bumblebee get babyfied so much in the Transformers fandom?

Disclaimer though: I'm only really touching on the shows and movies and how they might contribute to the issue, and only the ones I've seen, so no Unicron Trilogy or RID 2015. And probably not much on the live action movies either since I remember them very little, just design things. I've also not read any of the comics, so they aren't weighing in either

I'm also not claiming I have the definitive answers, just some guesses based on my own understandings. I'm very socially inept, so I could be completely wrong. It's also why I'm not touching on the fandom side much

My friend told me to put a "read more" tab on this after showing her what I was doing, and yeah I probably should. Take note that this is an absolute monster of a post, this took me hours to write. So be warned

But yeah anyways, let's start this

Oh right, I should probably start with what I mean by "babyfied", so we all are on the same page here. The biggest things I think are making Bumblebee a teenager or child, whether in interpretations of canon material, AUs of official series, or people's own versions of the Transformers (though note the most damning one here is the first one, seeing a canon Bee as a kid, specifically when it is not shown that he is one. The third one is completely fine, it just is a symptom I think), and then also basically just making Bumblebee Optimus' son, or Elita's, or Megatron's, or a combination of characters; basically, just making Bumblebee someone's kid

I'll be tackling it in a general order of the shows/movies and how they contribute to the issue, starting with:

G1 cartoon

So in g1, I will admit, I think I can see Bee and Optimus having some sort of father-son relationship, at least in moments; like Attack of the Autobots which is where Optimus and Bumblebee have that iconic little hug

But I mean also, Optimus just kind of generally has paternal vibes in g1, he feels like everyone's dad. I think it might just get magnified with Bumblebee because Bumblebee is small and probably has the "cutest" personality of the Minicars, so it's just him from that group. And also, he's got a cute little Beetle car as his alt, which factors into it

He also does seem to have been written with the idea of him being younger, at least that's how the toy description feels to me

He was also Spike's best Autobot friend, and as I'm pretty sure Spike was supposed to be the young teenage human for the kids to relate to more, that probably helps with his youth factor

Though he is still functionally an adult. But I don't think the problem is as bad here, since let's be real, people mostly remember g1 for the nostalgia, iconic moments, and being the origins of the franchise; people aren't really making g1 AUs outside of that one person with the Orion Pax and Megatron knowing each other AU

So from the start, he's always had this, but I don't think we can call it an issue at this point. But it does bring in some of the main factors in the babyfication of Bee, namely:

He's small, which can give the impression of younger

He generally is one of the younger bots, even if he's still an adult

He tends to be the main friend of a human protagonist, who generally tend to be kids or teenagers

These will show up again, so keep them in mind. Now, let's move onto our next show, 23 years later

Animated

So in Animated, Bumblebee is yet again, one of the youngest members of the main cast, though this is specifically told to us, like how Sentinel, one of Optimus' contemporaries (and TFA OP is meant to be on the younger side of his variations too), was Bee's drill sergeant, as well as just Bee's general behavior

He is also the smallest member of the main cast, which can contribute to the feeling of him being younger

He is also friends with the human protagonist Sari, who is an 8-year-old at the start of the show, and the two of them tend to go along with each other's crazy schemes, rather than Bee trying to be responsible with Sari; that's more Optimus' job.

What I didn't pick up until way later than I probably should have was that Bulkhead is around the same age as Bumblebee, thus making him also one of the youngest members of the cast. Which honestly in retrospect, makes a lot of sense with how he's written, and him also being one of Sari's closest friends. I think why I didn't pick up on it while watching however comes from two things: 1, he's like the biggest member of the main cast, which doesn't immediately make me think he's one of the younger members, even though younger people being big is something they can be (I mean my brother's like 6 feet tall and he's not even 15 yet), and then 2: Transformers Prime Bulkhead, aka the one from the show that might be more popular than TFA, is very much an adult, and that was the Bulkhead I knew. So I didn't know he was supposed to be younger

We'll swing back around to Prime later, I think it's one of the main contributors to the issue, but keep in mind that interpretations from popular series tend to stay in mind and bleed over into other shows and their versions, even if that's not how they are

But back to Bumblebee, things generally aren't super different between this and g1, other than the fact that he and Optimus don't have much of a parent-child dynamic, and that this Bee definitely is on the younger side in canon, though probably still an adult? I'm not sure, but he can't mentally be more than like, very early 20s. But it happening again does reinforce these ideas of Bumblebee as a younger bot

In fanon, I don't know if the TFA side has this much of an issue, at least nowadays? I see him get shipped with Blitzwing and Prowl plenty, and I don't see him as Optimus' kid, other than like one time with the "9 months in my womb" meme, and him being an oplita kid, which might have just been for the joke and also TFA Elita was yellow, so eh. But I'm also not too big on the TFA side of the fandom anyways, so I could be wrong

So before we get to Prime, I just want to sidestep into the movies that were also coming out at the time

Bayverse/live-action movies

Now I can't say much on the writing front with Bee, since I have not seen any of these movies in a hot minute, outside of the first hour and a half of the 2007 movie. I will say though, based on what I saw of Bee there (aka mostly his car shenanigans), that is not a child, that is a sassy little bastard man. Though that could be because Bay was trying to market more to like, teenage boys and trying to make him "cooler"

But anyways, what I wanted to talk about was his design, and how it contributes to the babyfication issue

The Bay movies gave Bumblebee a redesign, looking pretty different from his original design (though that goes for pretty much everyone except Optimus)

The thing I notice most with these movie designs is how round they make him, specifically with his eyes, being so big and round, especially later. While it was probably originally just a reference to bug eyes, it makes him cuter looking, more innocent. I think by Bumblebee, they were trying to capitalize on that in the movie, making him seem cute and non-threatening in certain scenes so Charlie knows he's not a danger. Which makes sense, but it does contribute to the problem here

And in general, he's a lot rounder I think in his design. And while I'm not expert on shape language, I think I can gather that more round shapes leads to him looking more friendly and less threatening and cuter in our minds, and "cuter" leads to "younger". That's why I keep bringing up "cute" by the way, forgot to say earlier. Cuteness tends to be associated with youthfulness and thus younger characters more

And in general with Bumblebee, him being yellow, a bright color more associated with joy and optimism, and thus youth, and generally having a more optimistic and extroverted personality (though not necessarily in the Bay movies, though I can't say for sure) again leads into him being younger. Now it probably came from the fact that bees are yellow, thus he's yellow (and also black), and his personality came from that bright color. Actually the name probably also comes from the yellow color scheme, but you get it. His color scheme and personality lends Bee to being a younger character

Back to Bayverse, it did change Bumblebee's alt mode from a Beetle to a Camaro (again probably to make him "cooler"), and I think since then, Bumblebee's basically always been a sports car, outside of explicitly g1 referencing things. So it does tend to take away the "smaller" aspect of what makes him seem so young, as he's more average sized now. But the youthful connotations don't necessarily go away

This is also (I think) what started the trend of Bumblebee losing his voice, being replaced with either radio/movie clips, or just beeps that the characters can understand. Now while I'm not too sure how this affects him in Bayverse, as I haven't seen much of Bee proper in the movies in a long time (the first half of the first movie is pretty much just car Bee), and since I know he can still talk in some way, it does mean you focus less on his dialogue and how that characterizes him, and more on his appearance and actions (at least in robot mode). Or he just doesn't talk, and you can have your own interpretations of what he's saying. And as mentioned prior, his design tends to make him look cuter, adding to the issue. I'll get more into this in Prime, since I am familiar with Prime, and he doesn't talk at all there

He's also again, I'm pretty sure one of the younger bots, despite probably being an adult. We'll go over that more in Prime

I don't think I have much else to say on these movies, so to go over the general points, this seemed to cause a bit of a shift in Bumblebee's portrayals. He got a bigger alt mode, so he's not tiny anymore, but he got big round eyes that make him seem cuter, rounder features, and he lost his voice, which means you can fill in the gaps in what he's saying in your head

Now, let's get to the real meat of this, and I think the biggest cause of this all:

Prime

I hope I didn't hype this section up too much. But I think this is where all the things conglomerate into the main factors of Bee's babyfication

Bumblebee is not the smallest bot, but the smallest is the female motorcycle bot, as opposed to his sports car, so. He is the youngest Autobot, and bot in general outside of I guess the Predacons, until Smokescreen comes in in Season 2, who is also considered young. He and Optimus have a close relationship, that given their age differences, could be read as paternal. He's got the big round eyes of Bayverse and a generally round design, which we've already discussed as to how it contributes to the problem. He also does not speak at all, only using beeps that we the audience cannot understand, until the finale. His designated human friend is the youngest human companion here, and the most child of them, being only 12. All these factors combine to create the most "baby" Bumblebee so far

(I just added a picture since I felt like I needed to. But there's not much to talk about design-wise that wasn't in the Bay section)

First up, the age thing. I keep saying that Bumblebee is one of the youngest bots in the casts, even though he's technically an adult. This is true, in part because as far as we can see in canon, Transformers don't really have "child" stages, they're just born adults. And they don't really age; or well, they do, it just takes millions and millions of years to do so, so they're functionally immortal. So, they don't really age like us humans, physically and probably mentally too, given they skip the young child years. So I mean like, technically speaking, Bee's an adult, it's not really clear where that translates into our perception, so maybe he's more mentally a child? I don't think I'm making sense here, maybe ignore this section

But he is younger, and particularly in Prime, he's in a team of bots all much older than him. If I were to put them in mental human years, I'd say he and Smokescreen are probably somewhere in their early 20s, while everyone else is probably like, 35+. Bee is notably younger than his peers, and we are made aware of this fact. And this makes him appear even younger than he is

If I were to make a comparison, and maybe this is a bit random, but take Mouthwashing for example. I may never have been super knowledgeable of the fandom, but I am aware that Daisuke is like, 22, while everyone else on the Tulpar is 35+, and that makes him feel so much younger by comparison. He's only just started his adult life, compared to the far more experienced adults around him. And while I didn't see it, I do think I remember seeing people talk about how people kept portraying Daisuke as younger and more innocent than he is when he's a 22-year-old man. I also remember someone comparing the portrayals of Daisuke in the fandom with another character from another series (I think it was Omori?), who was the same age as Daisuke, but because that character is the oldest of the protagonist group, everyone else being children or teenagers, he was portrayed super differently to Daisuke. The other character had to be responsible and make mature decisions, while Daisuke is allowed to be silly and reckless. The point I'm trying to make here is that age, and how a character is portrayed and interpreted, is relative to the characters surrounding them, with the characters on the extremes sometimes getting exacerbated because of it. This is true in real life too, but for the sake of analysis

Bumblebee is the youngest member of the Autobot team (at least until Smokescreen), and thus, he feels even younger as a result. This is probably also helped by the fact that there's no Decepticons around his age either, everyone around Bumblebee is a full-grown adult by comparison. And his close relationship with Optimus, who is meant to be one of the older bots in the group, feels very paternal, which serves to make Bee feel again younger, like he's Optimus' son. Which I like here, but it furthers the issue

And on the topic of him just feeling younger, let's bring up Raf. Bumblebee is again a friend of a human protagonist, but in Prime we have 3 main humans, ranging in ages but all in grade school, and each one has an Autobot they're paired with. And Bumblebee gets Raf, the youngest member at around 12. Due to Raf's youngest member status and technically not being a teenager, he is, as I said before, the most "child" of the group, even if they're all technically children still. I thought he was 10 until I double checked and saw he was 12, and honestly, I feel like he feels younger than Sari did, who was only 8 when we met her. Probably because unlike Sari who had no human friends, Raf does, both of whom are older than him and treat him as such. It's the relative age thing again

But back to Bee, unlike with the other humans and bots, Bee doesn't act as the responsible adult, but more of a friend for Raf, though not nearly as chaotic as TFA Bee and Sari. They aren't causing trouble; they're just having fun and cute moments. There's again, the cuteness factor that probably contributes to the young feeling he brings, but it also serves to make Bumblebee not feel as much as an adult. Arcee is definitely an adult with Jack, and Bulkhead particularly gives me responsible adult vibes with Miko, at least on some occasions where they aren't indulging in fun, reckless behavior and Bulkhead has to get serious with her. They're responsible with the kids, even if they slip up at times, and help them learn things. But Bee doesn't have that with Raf, probably because Bee can't talk and give him the lesson. Raf also doesn't cause much trouble on his own and has Ratchet for that

Which segues me nicely into Bumblebee's lack of voice in this show. This was a carryover from Bayverse, since Hasbro was still trying to have synergy with the movies at that point. But instead of radio clips, he just beeps, with the other bots and Raf just being able to understand him, even though we the audience don't. And because of this, we never know what he's saying, and he also just straight up doesn't have a voice for us to gauge his age with. Thus, it's up to us the audience to fill in the blanks in our imaginations. But with all of the discussed factors of him being cute and young, we can just end up interpreting him as younger because of it. It's also again, probably because he doesn't talk. It's like R2D2 and BB-8, who only speak in beeps, but because they're cute, we see them probably as much cuter than they would be if we knew what they were actually saying (R2 especially)

To maybe go off on a weird tangent, I think child characters tend to be seen more as objects than people, or I guess objectified more, since they don't have fully developed brains and personalities and are less likely to be able to hold their own in a fight. They're things to be protected and loved and angst over, while all they need to do is be there and be cute. I think the lack of voice ties into this in a way, I just don't know how to explain it, other than like, because they took away his voice, we can see him as even cuter and child-like instead of the grown adult he is. Infantalization, that's what I'm trying to say. I think that's term for all of this, but you get what I mean by "babyfication"

Especially because at least for me, when Bumblebee did get his voice back, I started seeing him more as an adult, because he could actually talk and had an adult voice. Yes, him learning to take more of a leadership role in Predacons Rising is also a factor, but him having a voice now is part of it too. But he only got it back in the finale and the movie, so you spend pretty much the entire show with voiceless Bumblebee, and what comes with that

I think that wraps up everything about Prime Bee's portrayal, but now let me get into why I think overall, it was what really caused this baby Bee thing to stick

Like I said prior in the Animated section, the more something's repeated, the more it sticks, and these traits of Bumblebee being the youngest have been consistent throughout the series we've covered. Not to mention, I just think personality wise, this Bee feels the youngest/child-like, though again, it probably has to do with his company and lack of voice. And also, the fact that he's well-behaved, like how people want children to be

So, by this point, this interpretation of Bumblebee is stuck in our minds as how he is, younger than the rest of the team

But I think another big thing is that Transfomers Prime is probably the biggest series in the fandom, at least show-wise. G1 was influential and Animated is still popular, but no show comes close to the amount of popularity I see for Prime stuff, particularly their brand of megop or for their Decepticons in general. The only thing I've seen come close is Transformers One, which is also the newest one and what brought new people in during this wave, so who knows if it'll stick forever. I'm not sure where IDW stands though, because I know that was big too

If I had to attribute Prime's success in the fandom to things, I'd say it's because plenty of people around my age (20s-ish?), who are definitely online and on social media, grew up with Prime (though I will note that Transformers tends to have an older fandom than I'm used to), the fact that for a long time, Prime was easily accessible in its entirety on Netflix, long before the streaming wars (and this is how I watched the show), it generally has good writing and animation, it feels like it had a complete story, unlike Animated which had Season 4 cancelled, and Frank Welker and Peter Cullen were back as Megatron and Optimus, making them feel more "definitive". Among probably other things I'm missing

But the point is, Prime is big, and it'll take a lot to dethrone it, outside of possibly some TF One sequels sticking the landing after the first movie. But that's not certain at the moment

And like I said before, popular interpretations tend to bleed into other series and interpretations, even when they don't entirely fit. There's a reason when people want Knock Out in another show, they basically want more TFP Knock Out, design and character wise, or why Breakdown was in Earthspark without the other Stunticons. Or why people basically try to recreate the g1 backstory when making Skyfire and skystar for their stories, even when I'm not really sure versions of Starscreams would ever be scientists. Why Functionism will show up in fanfics despite something like TF One not really having a place for it outside of the cogless thing. Why people will instinctively ship megop across continuities despite it not working as well in some (*cough cough TFA cough*). Why Megatron and Optimus have largely had the same backstories for ~15 years, with One being probably the most different, but still the same general beats. It happens both in canon and fanon, but it definitely happens

So when Prime Bumblebee is portrayed as young, and probably intentionally, it sticks in our minds that Bumblebee is very young and usually will be. He's like Optimus' son here, especially since he explicitly is younger than him. He's cute and friendly, even if he can get into trouble sometimes. He's just a little guy

And by this point, the franchise was like, 30 years old. There's been a number of series, and a lot of the general staples of the series had been set and remain today. I'd argue Prime is the last of the "foundational" series in this franchise, at least where we are now with it; we could end up going in another direction in the future. So it's gonna be hard to just change how we see the characters here

The shows after

I won't go into each one in detail after this, because let's be real, this is long enough already. And again, I don't think at this stage, anything other than One has left as much of an impact on the fandom/series

We're skipping over RID 2015 since I haven't watched it, but I do think it's one of the shows with the least of this problem. Probably because he is at least initially surrounded by characters his age or younger, so the age relativity isn't a factor

Cyberverse actually has Bumblebee around the same age as Optimus here, not being notably younger, but that holds true for everyone in that series; basically everyone here is the same age, outside of like, Cheetor. I don't interact with the Cyberverse fandom enough to know how it fares with Bee there, but given he's a main character, probably more than Optimus, he's probably doing fine?

Though I have to admit I personally find it weird when Bee gets shipped, because surprise, I too have some amount of the babybee influence on me too. I mention it here because there's genuinely nothing wrong with shipping Bumblebee and Windblade here, if anything it makes so much sense; it's just that I can't get out of my head that Bee is supposed to be younger, and thus, shouldn't be shipped

I know nothing about the War for Cybertron trilogy

Earthspark Bumblebee is another case of being hit with the baby beam the least, which I think is attributed to his role as the Terrans' mentor. Once again, he is put as an older character instead of younger, and even more so than RID because he's the main adult teaching our young child protagonists. The age relativity is working in his favor this time. Most you're gonna get is him being called megop's child of divorce, but those two are old anyways

So far, canon wise, it doesn't seem that bad

But then we get to One, which is where I think the problem is really rearing its ugly head. See, B-127 is never said to be younger than the rest of the quartet, he's assumed to be the same age as them. Heck, you could maybe even see him as a bit older, given his odd knowledge and having been in Sublevel 50 so long. But B is constantly portrayed as younger than the rest, being the child of divorce, but actually more "child" this time, him basically being Optimus and/or Elita's son (Megatron is another parent too), despite no indication of such a bond in the movie outside of just being friends (even less so with Elita, whom he has the least screen time with of the group), or just straight up being made into a child or baby for the rest of the group to parent, despite it taking out a member of the group, especially when again, he is not said to be younger

But it keeps happening to him because it's the new popular series and some are coming in with prior expectations and knowledge of B and his relationships, that Bee must always be baby, and probably because he's very energetic and hyper and probably neurodivergent, which has a history of getting characters infantalized. Not saying everyone who sees him as younger is problematic or ableist for doing so, just that this probably contributes on some level to why it's so widespread

I think I've covered all my points at this rate. Are we finally done? Can I go do my schoolwork? Sorry, just random, I've been here for a while

So, to summarize, why does Bumblebee get babyfied so much?

Because Bee has a long history as being young, he's put around older characters who make him feel younger by comparison, he's got a design that lends him to be seen as cute and young, especially in the most well-known depictions (I mostly mean g1, Bayverse and Prime here), the fact that the show were all of these traits are at their biggest is also the most popular show, and thus influencing people's minds going forward that this is how he should be, even when it doesn't fit so well

And I don't think this mentality around Bee is going away anytime soon, and it isn't necessarily wrong to make Bee a young bot, but I think we should acknowledge that sometimes it's trying to fit a square in a round hole, it just doesn't fit as well, and we need to be mindful of that

[nyxicnymph]

Horizon and Edge

#2: Cause-and-effect

Later, I’m in the gym. I joined the rifle team, but I’m the only one who showed up today. I’m just clicking away. Shooting all-standing. Killer on the feet.

I reach for a pellet and grab the last one in the pellet box.

“Last one,” I mutter to no one in particular. I’m not concerned. I’ve been shooting fairly well. A lot of nines, several tens, and only two eights. This shot will be great.

I bring the rifle up, breathe in, breathe out. I sight in, then check my Natural Point of Aim. Open my eyes. I’m on target. Pull the trigger....

**********************************************

Erik:

I walk down the gym hallway, looking for my sister. I hear a THWAP! Click-click come from the open gym doors. I peek in, and see Hailey standing sideways, wearing a thick outfit.

She’ll know where Kay is.

“Hey!” I shout, trying to get her attention.

There’s another loud THWAP! And she sets something down hard. She turns her head slightly sideways, and I see what she was holding: a lightweight air rifle.

She puts the rifle down in a rack, and sticks a length of orange weed string inside the chamber, and takes off her jacket. She brings a long black box close to an orange line on the floor, and then puts her rifle inside it. Only then does she turn around. She smiles very brightly at me.

Warning bells go off inside my head. What did I do?

“Can I help you?” she says through her teeth.

“Uh, uhm,” I stammer. I’d almost forgotten why I was here. I get my thoughts together and continue, “Have you seen my sister? She’s your best friend, so I figured....” I trail off.

She raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t know Beth had a brother.” She’s dropped the smile.

Ouch. That’s way below the belt. I wince and reply, “Actually, I’m Kaylee’s brother, Erik.”

**********************************************

Hailey:

I knew it. “Oh,” I say. “She’s with Beth.”

“Which is... Where?” he asks.

“I wouldn’t know,” I say, turning around, my braid whipping around behind me.

“’Kay, thanks!” He says waving. “I’m going to go now....”

I turn back towards him. “And WHERE do you think you’re going?”

“Um... home? I think...?”

I smile grimly. “Oh, no. No, you aren’t. I don’t think so.” I grab him by the ear and drag him over to where my coach is standing. “You are going to explain to my coach why my last shot is off!” I tell him.

He now stands in front of my coach, and, wincing in pain, explains.

While he’s doing that, I ignore him, and continue packing up my gear. I have to get home....

**********************************************

Erik:

I head on home. I called Kaylee on the phone, and I’ll see her when I get home.

My ear throbs, and I rub it. Hailey can grip harder than anyone else I’ve ever met. Ow.

I sigh. Am I just doomed to be hated by her forever? This runs through my head again. I really got on her bad side today. Way to ruin a first impression, Erik. On either side.

I reach the front door. Before I enter, I take a deep breath in, then blow it out. This is going to be difficult. Probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever done.

I enter my house. Kaylee somehow beat me here. She must have been shopping at the dollar store around the corner. Mom is just visible in the kitchen, and Dad is sitting in his easy chair, scrolling down his phone. Kaylee is just sitting on a footrest, reading a magazine.

Mom asks me how school went, and I answer with a generic, “Okay.” I don’t lie (most of the time, and only for very good reasons), but I’m not particularly interested in telling her that the new girl at school dragged me halfway across the gym. Mostly because I was a dum-dum.

I set my bag down. Then I nervously begin to speak. “Mom, Dad, Kaylee... I have something to tell you.”

“You have a crush?” Mom.

“You have a girlfriend?” Dad.

“You have a date this weekend?” Kaylee.

Why did they all just jump to what is essentially the same conclusion? “No.” I breathe in, then out. Then I jump in. “I’m Edge.”

There. It’s out. They might be in danger, but they need to know. Besides, I can easily protect them! Plus, it’s easier for me to save the city-slash-state-slash-country-slash-world if they know. Less lying involved.

“That’s nice, dear.” Mom.

“Oh, I already knew.” Dad.

Kaylee just releases a pterodactyl-like screech.

“Kaylee? Are you okay?” I ask.

She twitches. “I... I...” She regains her composure. Temporarily. What’s her problem? “I THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE!!!!!” She yells at me.

Oh.

“That’s not my fault!” I yell right back, while recovering from my semi-defensive pose. “Sheesh.”

“You two settle down!” Mom chides, stirring the mashed potatoes. “Erik, finish your schoolwork. Kaylee, clean your room.”

Sometimes I wonder if Mom has superpowers, too.

**********************************************

I stand on my rooftop. Mom and Dad have been informed of where I’m going (nowhere in particular; it’s a patrol), and when I’ll try to get back (11:30 by the latest).

As for why I’m standing; I don’t particularly like flying. It’s really unnerving. No, thank you.

As I begin to cross the City, I hear voices. I run a mental filter, trying to distinguish who has bad intents or not, but sometimes random thoughts still pop in.

Children laughing, the TV screen, running water, the street (Viewed from the front passenger’s seat), sizzling meat. Then something really stands out.

I probably shouldn’t have yelled. It’s a girl. She’s just thinking to herself. Why does this concern me? She continues: But maybe now he’ll pay attention. Ugh! I can’t sleep, I feel so bad.

Okay, pretty sure I know who this is.

“I need some fresh air.”

So, she’ll be coming up, huh? I wonder which roof she’ll be on. This is the business district, so there are a lot of flat roofs. Some people live above their shops, too. I’m guessing her family is one of those.

I see a figure across the street come up and sit down on the edge of the building.

I wonder what exactly she’s up to? I should go check. With that thought, I head that way.

“But when would I apologize?” She asks herself. Yep. It’s Hailey.

I crouch down behind her. “You could start now,” I whisper.

She totally freaks. Oops. She also nearly falls off the building. Double oops.

I catch her by the wrist. “Gotcha!”

She bangs into the building, lets out an “oof!” then looks up at me. “Let go of me, flea-brain!”

Um, is that supposed to be an insult?

“You sure about that?” I tease.

She looks down, then back up. “Please, pull me up.” In the back of my mind, I hear her think, Don’t antagonize the person who’s trying to help you!

I pull her up and set her safely on the building.

She says, “Thanks.” She’s standing with her back to me, but I’m pretty sure she’s as red as a tomato.

“No prob,” I remark. “It’s kind of my job.”

“Ha-ha.” She’s not really laughing. It’s a “That’s super cheesy” kind of laugh.

“Look, I’m sorry I was so mean to you,” she says. That’s mildly out of the blue.

“Are you now?” I wonder. She ignores me.

“I guess I’m still adjusting to the City, and then you scared me!”

“So, you’re new, then?” I ask.

She turns around and laughs. “New indeed! I’ve only been here for two weeks!”

I sit on the precipice of the building. “Two weeks?” I remark. “Well, you seem to have found good friends.” I’m just trying to not make her angry again. She’s actually pretty cool when she’s not yelling.

“Yeah, four of them!” She states, then lists them: “Kaylee, Beth, Grumpy... er... Cole, and Rick!”

“Four?” I ask. I guess Kaylee must have introduced her to my friends, Rick and Cole, but what about....

“Well, one of them has a... Well, she has brother named Erik, but I’m not sure I like him.”

Me....

It’s a good thing she’s turned away, or she would have seen my face, and probably realized that I’m totally Erik. I want to be her friend, too!

When she’s not yelling.

I compose myself. “If you don’t mind me asking,” I begin, “why?”

She stares out over the City. “He just didn’t make a good impression.”

All right, that’s fair. I stand up. “Look,” I say, “I should be going. Stay safe.”

“Okay.”

Before I leave, I turn back. “Um, good night,” I tell her.

“Same to you,” she replies.

I leave, feeling very mixed up on the inside.

[k-i-s-m-e-t]

Secret Santa

TianShan Xmas Event: Presents (Day 2) Fandom: 19 days Rating: Mature Status: 1/2 Warnings: None Pairing: TianShan Words: 4,102

Summary: Based on this freaking hilarious & amazing prompt!! I hope you don’t mind that I ran with it. I’m not sure this is what you expected but hey lol enjoy!

When Mo took the volunteer job at the mall, he had done so begrudgingly. It was punishment after all, brought about by boiled-over frustration that had fueled the language he’d used to respond to his teacher’s inquiries about his tardiness. It was the third time that week he’d been late. Put on the spot, he didn’t know how to explain that money was always tight around the holidays and he’d been walking to and from school each morning in lieu of the train.

He was monopolizing any place he could cut some corners to save a few dollars. The allowance he got wasn’t much, but he saved as much of it as possible. This year he’d told himself he’d get his mom something good for Christmas. He hated seeing that overjoyed look on her face when she opened his handmade or cheap gifts. Like the “Mom of the Year” plaque he’d made in shop class last year that she boasted about having on her desk at the hospital, or the cheap earrings he’d bought at a stand she still wore proudly several times a week. A person like her deserved better, she deserved the world, and it frustrated him that he was just a broke high school student.

Getting a job was, “Completely out of the question!” she’d barked when he had off-handedly mentioned it. It was her duty to provide for him, not the other way around. If they needed to make ends meet, she’d work double shifts, he couldn’t afford to slack off on his studies.

Seeing his taken-aback expression, she’d softened instantly. “I know you mean well honey,” she’d said a hand cupping his cheek, “but we’re doing fine.”

The command to, “See me after class!” had been given on the spot and when the bell rang Mo hung back, dread setting in. He waited until the room cleared before even considering approaching his teacher’s desk.

Taking a breath, he stood and gathered his belongings, packing them up slowly, stalling for time. Sweat from his palms smeared along the cover of his history textbook as he fumbled with it, slick fingers shoving it into his bag. He nearly yanked the zipper off his bag when his name is called.

The walk to the front from his back-row seat seemed infinite, blood pulsing in his ears, each step forward magnified in the now empty classroom. But then he was there, hanging back a few steps as if proximity could diminish his impending punishment. He figured this slip-up would earn him a few days minimum in detention.

“What?” Mo spat standing uncomfortably in front of the teacher’s desk. Agitation amounting from anticipation.

The man looked up with a raised eyebrow.

“Watch your tone with me, that little outburst you had this morning coupled with your tardiness has you looking at a week-long suspension right now.”

“What the fuck!” Mo exploded.

The man slammed his open palm down on the desk. “Language!”

Mo flinched.

He pointed a finger level with Mo’s chest. “One more offense like that and we can finish this conversation in the principal’s office.”

Mo clenched his fists, seething, he could feel his temper flaring but he nodded. A week long fucking suspension? His mom was going to kill him.

“As of today you have been tardy 13 times! 13! And you don’t just show up five minutes late, oh no! Sometimes you stroll in here 20 to 30 minutes late. I need an explanation for this, it’s completely unacceptable!”

When Mo remained silent the man rubbed at his temples, trying to ease the tension gathered there, then sighed.

“Look Guan Shan, I’ve seen a significant amount of improvement in your schoolwork and behavior this year. I’m proud of you. I don’t want to see you start backsliding, got it?”

“Got it,” Mo mumbled.

“Look, let’s make a deal: The Humanitarian Club, which I lead, needs a few more volunteers for our Santa’s Workshop at the mall. We desperately need a photographer as our current one recently got sick with the flu and I know one of your electives this year was photography. I’ve seen your work and I’m pretty confident in your ability. You’d just have to take photos of the kids sitting on Santa’s lap.”

“I..” Mo hesitated.

“Don’t feel pressured to do it but.. I’ll be frank with you, it’s either this or suspension. At least this won’t show up on your record. Also, I’d need you to be able to commit to doing it for two weeks, just until our photographer gets better.”

An image of his mother’s disappointed face flashed through his mind, he sighed… but two weeks?

“Ok, when do I start?”

His teacher smiled, glasses glinting. “Today.”

That afternoon Mo found himself at the local mall, and as the automatic doors slid open he was immediately engulfed in a retail wonderland, Christmas style. He wandered around for a bit, window shopping, eyes drinking in the season’s assortment of clothing and trainers in his favorite shop’s windows.

Truth be told, he wasn’t exactly sure where he was supposed to meet for this volunteer job, he hadn’t really paid attention to the details. He been too relieved that he wouldn’t have to explain to his mother his suspension and could instead spin the situation in his favor, as doing some community service out of the goodness of his own heart, having caught the holiday spirit. Yeah… she was going to see right through that lie.

In the food court he made his rounds, filling up on free samples to stave off his hunger until dinner. As he exited the half circle of vendors he could see a Santa’s Workshop display near the children’s play area. Tossing the toothpick the last sample had been on, he shouldered his backpack and headed over.

The site was bustling and he could recognize plenty of familiar faces from school. A few eyed him warily given his delinquent reputation, but most were absorbed in their duties.

Amid the group he spied Zhan and felt his body relax, not realizing how much tension had built up. This might not be so bad after all, he thought. Zhan barely talked but neither did he, at least he knew someone here.

“You too?” He inquired as he approached, bumping Zhan’s outstretched fist.

“In a way, my mom’s part of the PTA,” he stated as if that explained everything. “Apparently they never get enough volunteers.”

“Where’s Jian Yi?”

“Why do you assume he’d be here? We don’t do everything together.”

Mo waited.

Zhan sighed. “He had clean-up duty after school & caught a later train, he should be here in a few.”

“Alright everyone,” a bespectacled girl addressed the group. Movement halted as everyone paused giving her their full attention.

“Last week was great and we had an amazing turn out!” Many in the group clapped and whistled.

“Let’s try to do even better this week,” she laughed. “You know your positions, if you have any questions don’t hesitate to talk to me. Let’s go out there and spread some holiday cheer!” A few whooped in response, Mo rolled his eyes.

They all drifted to their respective roles, and as the crowd thinned the girl’s eyes fell on him.

“Oh, it’s you,” she sighed in annoyance. Mo recognized her as his class rep from middle school. The same one that had demanded he stop playing cards on school time.

“Pleasure to see you too,” he quipped.

“Save it, come on so we can get you set up and out of my hair.”

Off to the side there was a trolley parked with several suitcases stacked on top, she pulled off the topmost one, resting it gently on the floor and unzipped it. Nestled between foam cushioning laid the nicest camera Mo had ever seen, let alone touched. She removed it from its casing and held it out to him.

“You’ll be shooting with this.”

Taking it gingerly from her, he cradled it carefully in both hands. The DSLR was a larger model, a Nikon D series, he tested its weight, pleased that it was nice and solid, felt good in his hands. He ran his fingers along the textured gripping on the side. The lens he could tell came standard but the depth it could shoot was still considerable. He’d be able to get plenty of clear, close up shots. Damn he was in love, he would in a few words, totally fuck this camera. It was sexy as hell and sensitive to the touch. Bringing it up to his face, he aligned the eyepiece carefully along the curve of his cheek and brow, lightly pressed the shutter release. The smooth click of the shutter opening and closing was music to his ears, like the purr on a nice sports car. He thumbed at the playback button to review the photo. It was displayed on the screen in crisp quality; a Christmas tree in a store front effortlessly preserved in time.

“Nice,” Mo breathed.

“The photos you take will save automatically & transfer immediately to that computer station,” she pointed “where we display them to allow parents to pick their favorite. There’s a tripod in that bag too that you’ll shoot from, you just need to set up in front of Santa’s chair. All I ask is, that at the end of the night you box everything up just how you found it.”

“Sounds easy enough, so all I have to do is take the pictures.”

“Yea, try not to fuck it up. Oh, also ruin that camera and I’ll kill you.”

“Noted.”

“Oh, one more thing.” She unfolded an elf hat, and held it out to him. “I need you to wear this.”

“I’m not wearing that,” Mo said dismissively.

A hand clutched his forearm and she looked up into his face, light obscuring her eyes behind thick frames, “Yes, you are.”

“Okay, okay!” Mo exclaimed. What the hell was wrong with these people??

To their left a child bounded down the roped off line, dragging his mother behind him.

She patted his arm. “You’re on.”

Once Mo set up the camera and tripod, which he would admit he struggled with, just a tad, things ran smoothly.

The first few kids, though excited, followed his instructions to smile and say cheese. The student playing Santa he was sure helped facilitate the process, the guy was really good with kids. He greeted them in a cheery manner and made them feel comfortable. He even calmed a watery-eyed little girl, wiped her tear streaked cheeks and got her to smile wide for the camera.

Mo couldn’t help but find himself chuckling at some of the jokes he could hear exchanged or Santa’s reactions to their wish lists. It softened his mood and he found himself greeting the parents and kids in similar pleasant manner. He was almost disappointed when 7:30 rolls around and they close-up shop for the day. Almost. Gathering up the camera and tripod he carried them both back to the trolley; unzipped the travel bag and folded up the tripod stowing it neatly in its compartment. Before packing up the camera he pressed the playback button, cycling through the images he’d taken over the past few hours, mentally making notes of where he’d succeeded and how he could improve.

“Nice work today,” a voice said and he was ashamed of the brief scream he emitted.

“Could you announce yourself.”

The class rep leaned back, a smirk on her face. “Where’s the fun in that? Anyways, I saw the shots you took, good thing your stay is only temporary or our current photographer would be out of a job.”

“I…”

“You’re talented, glad to have you on the team. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she clasped his shoulder briefly before walking away.

Mo soaked in her words, a newfound vigor guiding his actions as he popped out the camera’s battery and stuck it into a portable charger to power-up overnight. I’m… talented.

The words carried him afloat as he left, waving an honest goodbye to the few stragglers. Zhan was still hanging around the set and Mo moved to see if wanted to walk home together but the other politely declined. Mo could see Jian Yi cleaning up the and he gets it. No explanation needed.

The high got him through the sliding doors of the mall exit only to be knocked flat on his ass.

He was blinded for a few seconds as the stupid elf hat he forgot to take off is knocked askew covering his eyes. Rage ensued.

“Who in the mother fuck is looking for death?!”

He ripped the hat off and was met with an outstretched hand in his face. Genuinely confused he looked up as the owner of the hand chuckled.

Fucking He Tian, of course.

“Don’t you have a graveyard to lurk in?” Mo bit out irritably, and smacked away the offered hand.

“Are you implying that I’m the grim reaper? I like that,” He Tian purred.

“That wasn’t a compliment.” Mo got gingerly to his feet, dusted his pants.

“Why are you even here? The mall’s closed.”

“I was doing some shopping,” he gestured to the small bag dangling from his wrist.

Mo could tell by the bag’s logo it was from some pricey jewelry store. He rolled his eyes. “Fancy gift for one of your admirers, I’m sure.”

“Not quite,” He Tian said but didn’t offer an explanation.

“Anyways, I gotta get going so are we done here?”

“I can’t lie you look pretty cute in that get-up,” He Tian said, looking him up and down. “Why don’t you come sit on my lap.”

“Yeah, you’re about the 5th guy to spit that line today,” Mo remarked pushing past him. “Try again.”

“Hmm okay, you know you’re pretty cute when you’re wrapped up in your own little world.”

“The hell kind of comment is that?”

“I saw you walking, you looked content with yourself. A nice change from your usual mad at the world persona.”

“And for this you chose to knock me on my ass.”

“You bumped into me, actually.”

“Right.”

“Why don’t you let me walk you home?”

“How ‘bout no?” Mo said stalking off. Body tensed in anticipation of the strong arm he knew would swing around his shoulders and drag him off anyways but nothing came.

He glanced over his shoulder but He Tian was gone. Weird.

The next day wasn’t as easy as the first. It was, in short, mild chaos.

Mo bounced a screaming baby on his hip as the mother and Santa tried to console its twin. He looked down into her ruddy face, eyes squeezed shut, tiny fists balled as she opened her mouth, silent for a few seconds catching her breath, little body vibrating with the subdued rage she planned to unleash. Mo sighed steeling himself for another round of screaming.

‘Why are you crying? You have no real problems, fuck I should be crying.’

“Say cheese,” he dead panned as the mother finally stepped out of the frame, the other child momentarily consoled.

The baby looked surprised in the picture but at least he wasn’t crying. Good enough. Handing over twin number two to Santa, he glanced at the endless line of parents and toddlers.

“Let’s get this over with.”

Click!

The daily 15-minute breaks were heaven sent and he executed his usual system of hitting up the food court, stopping at every food place offering free samples. By the time he had reached the end, his appetite was comfortably sated. There was still about ten minutes left before he was due for the second half of his shift so he sat on a bench nearby, pulled out his phone to review his finances. The amount he’d saved up so far gave him enough bandwidth to explore several options but he still had no clue what to buy his mom for Christmas. After making this much effort it had to be good, memorable, but what do you get the woman that claimed she had everything she’d ever wanted. He rested his chin in his hand in defeat. Ughh, this shouldn’t be so hard. The bench jostled and he glanced to his left, surprised to see Santa sitting next to him.

“Hey.” the guy offered, voice muffled by the giant white beard that obscured most of his face. One hand shifted his belly so he could sit comfortably.

“Hey..” Mo returned.

“Nice job out there today, I didn’t know you were so good with kids.”

“Likewise man, today was.. something else.”

Santa cracked open a bottle of water, taking a few gulps. “Yeah we have days like that but it’s generally smooth sailing.”

They sat in silence for a bit, the soft murmur of the bustling mall and crinkling of the water bottle drifted between them.

“You.. can’t take the costume of?” Mo asked, breaking the silence.

“Nah, can’t risk one of the kids seeing me and realizing Santa’s not a chubby jolly old white dude. Imagine if they found out he isn’t only not real but a high-schooler.

Mo laughed. “They’ll find out sooner or later.”

“That’s cold man,” Santa said but his grey eyes twinkled behind the spectacles.

Mo shrugged, checked his phone. “Crap, breaks up. I’ll see you back at the workshop.”

Santa raised an arm in farewell. “See you.”

Mo jogged the short distance back, but couldn’t shake the odd feeling that he knew Santa. He couldn’t place why exactly, but the costume restrictions made it difficult to see what he looked like and his voice didn’t sound familiar. Whatever, he would ask him his name next time he had a chance.

As soon as he stepped back on site the class rep ushered him back to the camera, scolding him about tardiness being why he was here in the first place.

Face breaking into a scowl, all previous thoughts vanished from his mind as he double-checked the camera battery supply and adjusted the lighting. He’d just finished tidying up around Santa’s chair when the guy returned from break. Mo resumed his place at the camera as the line reopened and mildly subdued chaos ensued.

Two days down. A week and a half to go.

“Who the fuck are you supposed to be? Rudolph?” Mo addressed Jian Yi as he unpacked the camera and tripod for his shift.

“No,” Jian Yi sniffled, wiping at his vividly red nose. “I’m sick. I think I caught something from one of these brats.” He sneezed, open mouthed of course, snot and drool dripping.

“Gross dude, cover your mouth, you aren’t five,” Mo muttered hastily gathering his supplies so he could vacate the area asap.

Every day that passed without coming to a decision on what to get his mom was making him more and more irritable. Walking out to the set, camera at the ready, the sounds of crying increased the closer he got, an opposing battle cry.

Please, just take me now.

When his break came around, he found himself anticipating the arrival of Santa. It’s not like Mo was looking for the guy or anything. Yet meeting up had become almost an unspoken ritual, in the same vein as Mo forgetting to ask for his name.

The question was always at the forefront of his mind but the guy was hilarious and Mo became easily swept up in the conversation, usually not realizing he had again forgotten to ask until he arrived home that night.

This time the guy showed up with dumplings that keep Mo’s mouth occupied the majority of the conversation, as pickings were light in the free sample area. A few of the vendors had caught on to his scheme and conveniently weren’t handing out samples when he came by.

“Can you believe that last kid spat up on me? I’m never having kids,” Santa declared shaking his head in disbelief.  

“Yeah sucks to be you,” Mo chewed thoughtfully. They were quiet for a bit.. “Hey,” Mo started “This is kind of random but what’s your name? I didn’t catch it the first time we talked.”

Santa paused, swallowed. “It’s uh Li Jie,” he said slowly.

“Oh.” Unfamiliar. “I guess I don’t know you after all, I know pretty much everyone at school.”

“I tend to blend with the crowd,” he shrugged, eyes focused on the waning dumplings.

“That’s cool,” Mo said, popping another piece into his mouth. “Me too.”

The week ended and casually spilled into the next. Mo had gotten used to the ebb and flow of the volunteer job, and could proudly say his photography skills had improved considerably. Li Jie and he were becoming good friends but there was something off about never actually having seen the guy out of costume, which Mo joked about. Actors like Li Jie, along with a few others who played Santa’s elves had to get dressed in the mall restroom or come already in garb. Li Jie had a habit of disappearing by the time Mo had finished packing up the camera equipment for the night. He had even invited the guy over for dinner one day but Li Jie had politely declined claiming he was behind on his schoolwork. Understandable, given the fact that they spent three hours after school at the workshop. He had promised to come by once the job ended, a week after Mo’s punishment. Mo had even vented to him about his struggles in finding his mother the perfect Christmas gift, asking him what he should get her.

“You know your mom best,” he had said. “I’m sure she’ll appreciate any gift you give her. Just remember it’s not about the price but the meaning behind it. If the effort comes from a good place, which I know it does, she’ll love it.”

It had brightened his mood at the time but he still wasn’t sure what to get her.

As much as Mo thought he understood life and might even be one step ahead, it had a way of knocking him back ten feet when he least expected it.

“10-4, we gotta brat,” Jian Yi muttered off to his left, pretending to be occupied with adjusting decorations on the set’s Christmas tree.

Mo twisted on his stool, turned his attention to the line, eyes widening as he watched a mother wrangle her screaming daughter into her arms and walk up to Santa’s chair. The girl had a handful of her Mother’s hair and was yelling for all she was worth, limbs flailing.

“Man,” Zhan whispered, “my sister was bad but never like this. “I hope this guy can handle her.”

Mo watched for a reaction from said Santa but it was hard to gauge anything given how much of his face the beard obscured.

The mother looked embarrassed and nervous as she handed the screaming child over to Santa. Mo had to give it to him, the guy was composed, bouncing the girl on his knee, cooing to her, easily calming the crocodile tears. The mother beamed at the turn of events, whipping out her phone to snap a few tear-streaked pictures.

Mo relaxed, relieved to see the situation easily diffused, his heart bloomed a bit in pride for his friend, which he quelled, brain cycling through the mental gymnastics of why he doesn’t actually really care.

Mo had to give it to the guy, he was really good, he watched as Santa leaned in, beard tickling the little girl in his lap, she giggled in response. At this point the lines were rehearsed and Mo could imagine him asking her what she wanted for Christmas. She pondered, tiny face scrunched up in clearly serious thought, then suddenly a tiny fist shot out and she yanked his bread down around his chin.

Mo was on his feet instantly, because no, no way, this couldn’t be happening.

“Ah shit,” he heard Zhan mutter off to his left.

Mo turned on him.

“You knew,” his voice cracked. Zhan looked pained.

“10-4 He Tian is fucking Santa!” Jian Yi whispered loudly behind them. “He’s fucking Santa, are you guys seeing this!”

“Who’s fucking Santa?” another student offered with a snicker.

“Guan Shan..” Zhan said, but Mo doesn’t want to hear it. He felt nauseous and too hot, his hands shaking, felt like couldn’t breathe as if all the air had been sucked out of the space. Mo bolted because fuck this, he would rather have suspension. He can’t believe how stupid he was, how oblivious he’d been, everyone must have known but him. What a fool.

Sorry not sorry to leave y’all on a cliff hanger but part two will come out on Day 5, so if you enjoyed this stay tuned, resolution come soon ;D

As always thanks for reading, your comments & tags give me life x