#it is currently macerating in my gym bag

[forsworned]

does any one have any sexy it girl perfume recs??? like i ordered tigerlily by viktor&rolf and i think that shit needs to macerate bc it never smells the fucking same!!

[prettydeadstuff]

Hello! I'm currently going through your 'sillies' tag and some of it is hilarious! It got me wondering, what is the strangest thing that's happened to you while picking up roadkill in front of people? And what's the funniest reaction your family has given you walking in with a dead animal?

Heya! VC humour is my favourite 👌 :’) My favourite tag on my blog.

Hmm… I can’t think of the strangest thing, so how about the story of my most recent roadkill, Smallball (Obligatory health and safety warning: Im a turnip… be better than a turnip)

My sister, brother and I took the dog for a walk one evening. On the way home, what do you know - dead fox on the path. He’s a bit dirty, but his skull feels intact and this is a busy road… I gotta bring him home! But I forgot my bagpack and used my only bag for dog poo. :(

So, I do what any sensible person would do, and strip to my bra.

Then I put my coat back on, put the shirt on the fox, and cradle him like a baby the entire way home. My family are now at the point where they just accept it and don’t ask questions for fear of the answers.

Usually I am pretty fast picking something up, so strangers don’t get enough time to give me more than a double take or stare. If I’m with my family they are just like ‘you certainly are A One aren’t you’ and sigh in despair as we stop the car and I drag a deer the same size as me away into the darkness, or walk into the house with various body parts sticking out my bag.

They’re just like ’oh my goodness what now’ because they have had to deal with driving me home with dead animals on my lap, neighbours leaving bloody carcasses on the doorstep and hand feeding me pancakes while I dump maceration buckets for years now. I think they are out of oomph to comment much.

My work colleagues, however… I’ve arrived at work in the morning and strolled into the kitchen holding a dead pigeon, been walked in on surrounded by bodies alone in the dark (related:locked myself in the walk in freezer while looking at bodies), and climbed into a body bag to pet a dead seal. They think I am strange but they laugh in a good way, call me a bodychaser and want me to mount a dead duck onto a toy car for them to chase with a net for practice. (they were joking…… maybe)

Some of my other fav personal roadkill pick-ups: Swinging half a badger over a wall, nearly splatter my aunt with intestines. Bump into cousin’s boyfriend while playing pokemon go, stop to shove a dead gull in my rucksack with a line of people in cars watching, he takes me with him to show his friend while we fight a gym. In the back of @bonemonger‘s car, we stop, @sittaeuropaea jumps out and runs for a dead crow, jumps back in and thrusts it at me as we drive off. Seconds later flatflies erupt from the body into the car and we have to pull over to fight them off.