#it is always ny downfall

[mobs-99]

Sorry but if I see any donatello fans call mob swagless again or insult him I might lose it.

[fibula-rasa]

Lost, but Not Forgotten: A Doll's House (1922)

Direction: Charles Bryant; assisted by Albert Kelley

Scenario: Peter M. Winters (pen name of Nazimova)

Original Play: Henrik Ibsen 

Camera: Charles Van Enger & Neal Jack (2nd camera); assisted by Paul Ivano & Lewis Wilson

Cutting: Lou Ostrow; assisted by Samuel Zimbalist

Wardrobe: Lilliam Turner

Studio: Nazimova Productions (production) & United Artists (distribution)

Performers: Nazimova, Alan Hale, Wedgewood Nowell, Nigel De Brulier, Florence Fisher, Clara Lee, Philippe de Lacy, Barbara Maier, Elinor Oliver

Premiere: Opening week: February 11-18, Strand Theatre, 1579 Broadway, Manhattan, NY and the Strand Brooklyn Theatre, 647 Brooklyn, NY.

Status: presumed entirely lost

Length: 7 reels or roughly 77 minutes

Synopsis (synthesized from magazine summaries of the plot)

In a comfortable flat, Nora Helmer (Nazimova) keeps house for her husband, Torvald (Hale), and their three children. Nora works hard to keep Torvald happy by playing the role of his “little squirrel.”

from Moving Picture World, 18 February 1922

Things were not always so comfortable for the Helmers, however. Three years prior, Torvald was gravely ill and the doctor ordered special treatment and a trip south to save his life. Nora secretly approached a money-lender, Krogstad (Nowell), to pay for Torvald’s treatment and forged her now-deceased father’s signature on a bond. In the intervening years, Nora has scrimped, saved, and taken in extra work to pay off the loan—still keeping the secret from her “principled” husband, who doesn’t approve of money-lenders.

Now, Torvald has fully recovered his health and Nora is one payment away from paying the loan in full. Torvald gets promoted to an official position at the bank and Krogstad now works under him. Upon learning that Krogstad has an unsavory past, Torvald decides to fire him—planning on offering his position to Nora’s childhood friend, Mrs. Linden (Fisher), who is now a single mother in need. 

from Exhibitors Herald, 28 January 1922

Krogstad reveals to Nora that he knows she forged her father’s signature and that he will expose her to her husband if she doesn’t get Torvald to reinstate him at the bank. 

Nora desperately tries to keep a cheerful, playful demeanor with Torvald. When Torvald sermonizes to her about moral turpitude due to bad mothers, she panics and feels her downfall is imminent. 

Nora determines that she may be able to pay Krogstad off, and asks a family friend, Dr. Rank (De Brulier), for a loan. Unexpectedly, Rank takes this moment to confess his feelings for Nora. Nora rebuffs him, but now feels as though she has nowhere to turn.

from Motion Picture Magazine, May 1922

On Christmas Eve, Nora knows that there is a letter from Krogstad in their post box, but only Torvald has a key. Nora frantically distracts him from opening the box before they leave for a holiday masquerade party. Torvald notices Nora’s frenetic energy in how she dances at the party, but doesn’t know the cause. 

When they return home, Torvald retrieves the mail. Before he can open the letter from Krogstad, Nora confesses that she deceived him to save his life. Torvald is furious that Nora has endangered his reputation and questions if she is fit to be a mother while in the same breath stating that he will pay Krogstad off.

However, when Torvald opens the letter, his mood turns on a dime. Krogstad has had a change of heart due to the influence of Mrs. Linden, who also happens to be an old sweetheart of Krogstad’s. The letter contains the cancelled note. Torvald grabs Nora and dances her around the room, overjoyed that his reputation is no longer in danger.

Nora realizes all of her acrobatics (literal and metaphorical) to keep Torvald happy have been pointless. She has sacrificed so much of her energy and independence to merely become “a toy of a selfish man.” The mask has fallen. While Torvald is ready to pretend that nothing has changed, Nora knows that she cannot go back to being his doll. Nora packs up her belongings and leaves the flat—intent on becoming her own person.

Final title card: “The End, or, Rather the Beginning.”

---

Points of Interest:

A Doll’s House (1922) was Nazimova’s first independently produced film after her contract with Metro ended. 

Some of Nazimova’s first roles on the American stage were Ibsen plays (“Hedda Gabler,” “A Doll’s House,” & “The Master Builder,” to be specific), so this film was an attempt to capture some of that work on film.

Only 8 out of Nazimova’s 18 silent films survive today and only 3 have been made available on home video or streaming. [I recently re-watched Salome (1922) on the Pioneers: First Women Filmmakers set and I can’t recommend picking up this set enough!]

All Nazimova Silents:

“War Brides” (1916, presumed lost)

“Revelation” (1918, extant at MGM)

“Toys of Fate” (1918, extant at Národní filmový archiv)

“A Woman of France” (1918, short, presumed lost)

“Eye for Eye” (1918, extant at Gosfilmofond)

“Out of the Fog” (1919, presumed lost)

“The Red Lantern” (1919, extant at Cinémathèque Royale de Belgique, Gosfilmofond)

“The Brat” (1919, presumed lost)

“Stronger than Death” (1920, extant at MGM & Eastman House)

“Heart of a Child” (1920, presumed lost*)

“Madame Peacock” (1920, extant at Cinémathèque Royale de Belgique)

“Billions” (1920, presumed lost)

“Camille” (1921, extant)

“A Doll’s House” (1922, presumed lost)

“Salome” (1922, extant)

“Madonna of the Streets” (1924, presumed lost)

“The Redeeming Sin” (1925, presumed lost)

“My Son” (1925, presumed lost)

*The Women Film Pioneers Project website has this film listed as extant at Cinémathèque Royale de Belgique, but LOC lists it having no known archival holdings.

[Survival status checked via LOC’s Silent Feature Film Database, and re-checked at relevant archives when available]

Transcribed Sources & Annotation over on the WMM Blog!

Buy me a coffee!

[katwritesshit]

important(?) life update

so for a little backstory...

i volunteer at the concession stand for my local soccer league with 2 other people, henceforth known as 🐺 and 🤢. 🐺 and i are really close friends since grade 3, we met 🤢 this year because hes one of our new friends ex boyfriends. we volunteer at the concession stand from 630 to 830 pm every thursday, for the last 4 weeks. i will admit to not exactly paying the most attention to how much we have float, which is supposed to be $150. the last 2 thursdays, its been closer to $115. cool? cool.

so last thursday, it was only me and 🐺 working the stand. i showed up a half hour early, and decided to open up early. i wanna say maybe 10? minutes after i opened up, so still early, 🤢 showed up and went to sit on the bleachers maybe 10 meters away from the stand. cool, its still early, whatev.

anyways, 630 comes and my bestie boo 🐺 gets there and we wait for 🤢 to come join us. but he doesnt? so we're like "okay maybe he didnt notice" but then 700 comes and goes and we're like "hes literally on his phone no way he doesn't know what time it is" but we also dont want him to join us so we leave it and at 730 he gets off his phone, hops on his bike and leaves.

bro what?

(i kinda assumed he had permission from our supervisor to skip so i, stupidly, did not text her which looking back may be my downfall)

so anyways, 🐺 and i do our stuff for the next 2 hours. i will admit we got a little silly with it and maybe said some cancellable stuff but nothing jail worthy. we close up and again theres on like $120 in the box.

so in a moment of sheer stupidity that may land me in jail, i did not text my supervisor and instead told 🐺 to give me a random number between 10-20 for me to mark as what we earned.

🐺 locks up, her mom gives me a ride, yippee we both go home and live laugh love.

BUT THEN

at 640 tonight, my supervisor calls me. she normally texts so thats a lil weird, but i figure she just wants to confirm my absence on thursday (i have plans w family) so i pick up.

she tells me "kat, all the money from the concession stand lock box was stolen."

UM. WHAT THE SIGMA?????? NOT COOL!!!!

she makes me tell her exactly what happened the last thursday i was there and i tell her, i admit to being a little dumbass and not counting, blah blah blah. the whole time im looking at my mom like 😦.

so anyways i tell her no i didnt do it and shes like "okay 😊 well ill call 🤢 and 🐺 and see what they have to say" and i hang up.

i IMMEDIATELY text 🐺

"hey wanst 🤢 acting weird thursday"

and shes like "yeah haha he may be the imposter"

and i send her the text ny supervisor sent me saying shes filing a police report and cehcking the security footage

and shes like SHITTT BRO IT WAS TOTES HIM

and im like I KNOWWW

and anyways i tried googling it but idk how long ill go to jail/juvie/whatev if im convicted of stealing approximately $150 soooooo yeah. moral of the story dont fool arohnd on the job and alway snitch on your sus coworkers.

[pascallatte]

I'm so sorry for all the hate messages you are getting, you absolutely don't deserve any of that.

Completely understand if you want to delete your account bc of it, but I would be very sorry to see you leave. Any notification I get from you having posted brightens ny day.

It's easier said that done but please try and not let a few hateful people ruin your day or make you feel shitty.

Ironic to say this, even though I'm posting via anon, but maybe even turning off anon asks, or even people being able to dm you, would stop any assholes being able to spread any hate.

I have always enjoyed all of your writing but please make whatever decisions you need to, to keep yourself in a good space

in the years that I've been on tumblr I've seen favourite blogs of mine deactivate all because of the hate people throw at them for creating content they don't like, and none of them deserves it, AT ALL. and I never would have thought it would happen to me this early, which makes it harder for me to accept.

I've also convinced myself to not pay attention to them however if it's the first thing you read and receive every once in a while it becomes impossible to ignore. I know that turning off anon asks would make my life easier but as a person who also often uses anons to show my appreciation to my faves I can't seem to turn it off because there are many of you who send in sweet messages in anon (which kind of became my downfall really)

I might move it to Ao3 (thank you to the person who advised me to🤍), so that you guys can still read it from time to time.

[mayasdeluca]

I'm here for the Maya and Carina but I do love me some tea so I'm getting sucked into this Ashlyn/Sophia hook up. I've never like Ashlyn, her vibe just annoyed me whenever you would post stuff but I have always liked Sophia and I know she played gay and as always people wished she would be in real life but with Ashlyn. Come on girl have some standards. Now I could understand if Sophia wanted to hook up with Ali instead, that's a pairing I could get behind.

Ashlyn has definitely had a different vibe to her over the past year/two years and it wasn't always the best. But she wasn't always like that. I really think retiring/moving to Gotham (NY/NJ) really changed her and she didn't want any part of it. And clearly it was just the start of their relationship's downfall.

Haha the idea of Sophia and Ali now just makes me feel ick knowing what has happened but I understand what you mean. If you take them out of context of everything...it would be hot.

[highnoteds]

*    𝐔𝐏 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓  ;      listen  to  the  latest  track  by   cai !

hold your f*** horses !   cai washington   has just been spotted walking into revolution headquarters. they are best known for being a   pop / r&b soul singer   and have been signed with the label for   seventeen years.   they share a lot of interesting things about life in the music industry on their social media, so make sure you don’t forget to follow them at   @callmecai.  fans know them for being attention seeking   but i swear they’ve got a   determined   side as well. maybe that explains why they’re always associated with   red being your signature color, the scent of vanilla lingering behind when you pass a crowd,  and popping open a bottle of champagne in the vip section.   stan twitter even voted them most likely to   not try to hide the fact that they’re lip-syncing.   we’ll see how they live up to that reputation.

*  𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙸𝙽𝙶 .           THE   BASICS

 birthname :   cai  washington  .

nickname(s) :   n/a   +   utp  .    

birthdate  +  age :    october   25th  ;   thirty4  .    

ethnicity :   vietnamese - black .    

gender  +  pronouns :   cis   female,   she   /   her   pronouns  .    

orientation :    biromantic,   bisexual  .    

birthplace :   new   orleans,  louisiana  .    

current   residency :   new   york   city,   ny .    

previous   employment :   previous  singer  for  girl  group  D4L.    

occupation :   pop  /  r&b  soul  singer  +  model.

astrology :   scorpio   sun,   aries   moon  .

language(s) :   vietnamese,  english  .

height :   five   foot   one  [  5′1  ]  .    

positive   traits :    sociable,   determined,   lighthearted  .     

negative   traits :   attention  seeking,  stubborn,  argumentative  .    

discography  inspiration :    ashanti,   victoria  monet,   ciara,   cassie,   kehlani.    

career  inspiration :    saweetie,   rihanna.

*  𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙸𝙽𝙶 .           THE   STORY  SO  FAR

originally,  back  in  march  2005,  cai  had  just  signed  a  five  year  contract  with  revolution  records  with  three  other  female(s) / nb  to  form  the  girl  group  that  became  known  as  D4L.  

the  group  had  a  sound  similar  to  danity  kane  and  the  pussycat  dolls  and  stayed  a  group  until  2010.  there  were  differences  between  the  members  that  consisted  mainly  over  line  distribution,  solo  promotions,  and  favorites  being  played  when  it  came  to  styling  and  much  more.  among  the  four,  two  of  them  (  cai  &&.  redacted  )  would  go  on  to  continue  as  solo  artists  while  the  others  did  their  own  thing.  

cai’s  solo  career  in  the  beginning  was  going  great!  by  2014,  she  had  released  3  successful  albums  and  featured  on  many  magazine  covers.  things  were  looking  up  for  her  until  2015  when  she  was  on  a  talk  show  and  basically  threw  shade  towards  her  ex  members  by  referring  to  herself  as  the  ���more  important  member.”

this  was  just  the  beginning  of  her  downfall.  people  would  call  her  immature  and  unprofessional  which  would  illicit  some  ...  not  so  nice  responses  in  the  form  of  an  instagram  paragraph.  whenever  she  felt  like  she  deserved  an  award  or  a  performer  slot  for  an  event,  she’d  rant  about  it  on  a  live  and  basically  called  out  the  “least  memorable”  artist  saying  they  lacked  stage  presence,  or  something  like  that.  she’s  ridiculous  LMAOO.

not  to  throw  in  a  headcanon  early  but  literally,  she  started  calling  people  industry  plants  first.

it  was  2020  :   cai  decided  to  release  a  comeback  album  after  her  hiatus  in  music  and  it  was  a  nice  commercial  hit!  it  charted  at  #9  on  charts  such  as  billboard  but  was  a  good  return.  then  came  her  live  performance  and  ...  it  was  not  great.

lip-syncing,  barely  dancing,  etc  etc.  the  entire  show  was  a  mess,  and  her  pr  manager  had  a  field  day  trying  to  clear  her  name  but  there  was  no  escaping  this.

since  then  her  music  career  has  taken  a  major  hit.  not  many  bookings,  and  she’s  constantly  trending  online  for  the  wrong  reasons.  however,  she  does  dress  impress  which  is  the  best  thing  going  for  her  right  now.

*  𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙸𝙽𝙶 .           HEADCANONS  +  FUN  FACTS

she’s  known  for  many  things  negative  but  the  biggest  positive  is  her  being  meme  worthy.  there’s  a  gif  of  her  rolling  up  her  window  after  leaving  a  concert  in  a  screaming  fan’s  face  as  she  was  just  deadpanned  that’s  used  everywhere.  

cai  is  a  drama  lover  but  hates  her  own  drama  !!  crazy !!  she’s  an  avid  watcher  of  gossip  blogs  and  daytime  television  programs  that  cover  celebrities  and  can  be  found  scrolling  through  the  latest  news  on  her  phone  or  laptop.

her  relationship  between  her  and  her  parents  are  strained  though  it’s  mainly  on  her  mother’s  side  because  she  warned  her  that  music  “wasn’t  going  to  get  her  anywhere”  and  is  tired  of  seeing  cai  look  like  a  fool  everywhere  she  looks.  her  dad  just  wants  his  little  girl  happy.

huge  party  person !!  loves  getting  dolled  up  and  wasted  to  the  point  where  she’s  still  tripping  over  her  own  feet  the  next  morning.  expect  to  her  see  her  anywhere  where  paparazzi  might  be!

you  can  call  her  anything  you  want  but  you  can  never  call  her  a  bad  dresser!  her  outfits  are  always  stunning,  never  misses  a  beat  with  it  comes  to  her  styling.

*  𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙸𝙽𝙶 .           WANTED  CONNECTIONS  +  PLOTS

definitely  her  old  group  members!  i  have  ideas  for  2  of  them  (  a  soloist  who’s  more  successful  than  cai,  an  employee  who  she’s  cordial  with  )  but  the  fourth  member  could  be  anything!

publicity  stunt  relationship.  she’s  fun,  i  promise!  just  a  handful.

her  pr  manager  who’s  slowly  thinking  about  quitting  but  has  been  in  her  life  since  2011  and  just  can’t  leave  her.

a  friend  who  hits  her  upside  the  head  with  a  magazine.  knock  some  sense  into  her,  helps  her  out  and  adores  girls  night  sipping  wine  in  her  penthouse.

i  can  see  some  artists  either  doubting  her  music  career,  or  some  of  them  who  feels  bad  considering  she’s  been  here  for  years.

maybe  somebody  who  pretends  to  be  a  fan  just  to  sabotage  her  a  bit  more!  or  who  uses  her  for  more  publicity  (  she  does  have  a  few  usages  trust  me  )  could  be  an  upcoming  artist  who  throws  shade  at  her  later  on!

i’m  open  to  anything!  please  im  me  on  discord  if  you  haven’t  already  if  you  wish  to  plot!

[zendyval]

Can’t believe it was only last month the WNBA had such a bad discourse. It was a new level of bad that it was starting to become annoying

Only last month? It's still bad, just bad in different ways. I've been watching this sport forever and I've never seen so much stat riding. I get when big things happen like okay, Caitlin broke a league record tonight (even thought they still lost), but that's a big deal. But it's like all the new rookie fans are sitting there preying on everyone elses downfall just so they can prove that so and so is the best to ever do it and it's so weird and disingenuous.

And honestly it's not even just Caitlin. I'm in NY so I've always been a Libs fan and I was watching the national broadcast last week when they played Chicago, and I swear the commentary was 2 hours of Carolyn Peck just talking about Angel. Not even in relation to the game. In the meantime she kept calling other people by wrong names, didn't call plays, etc. Chicago was losing, Angel wasn't even playing particularly well. Then people got mad at the end that NY players prevented her from getting another double double so she could keep up her streak. Streaks only count when they are legit. Not when you're calling for the ball with 15 seconds left and you're losing by 14 for no other reason than to try and get your double double.

[ireallydontunderstandpeopleatall]

New York

I woke up today and I was ok

Its sunday and I didnt want to get out of bed so i turned on the tv to put myself back to sleep

but then saw a movie, A rainy day in NY and thought of you and your NY

so i thought i'd watch it to see the scenes of NY that you see and maybe i will feel closer to you

forgetting that it also rained here today

somehow the movie is about a NY guy and a AZ girl, and I am an AZ girl and you and NY guy. why do things work this way.

that the morning i am thinking of you, to put on a movie about your city and the characters are from our regions, makes me want to believe its a sign for us but i know it's not.

no movie or coincidence can change how you see me.

2 weeks ago from tomorrow we started talking

i fell in love with you in about 3 days, yes I know it's a toxic attachment but I dont care, you are just so sweet

you stole my heart like D did and you broke it like D did but I dont want to forget you

you talked to me during a time that my world was so grey after richard.

it was such good company i did not know i missed.

and i guess i accepted it even if it hurts because it takes away the fact that richard is not the last person i had serious feelings for.

and lets me know i can still have these feelings and fall for someone so hard still even after I told myself i had sworn off relationships

you revived something in me i thought i no longer had

you flirted with me and got me to like you and when i started liking you then you told me you were already involved w someone else

at first it hurt and it was disppointing and i felt like i screwed it up for myself again by showing interest too easily and too quickly, and i might be right. maybe i ended the chase for you and i know some people need that for the passion

and i'm sorry but when you messaged me i had to fast reply bc i didnt want you to think i was not interested and i also did not want u to have to wait.

but maybe that is my downfall, caring too much as usual.

even after many heartbreaks i still have not learned my lesson and was so quick to give in to you but you made it feel so good and at my age i am shocked you could still make me feel this way. so in a sense you made me feel young again

but it doesnt matter bc you do not like me like you made me think you like me

but i still like you, we have history, I want to always be your friend and hopefully be some part of your life, even if small

when you told me about her i thought you would leave but you didnt, but then i tried to leave and you told me you didnt want me to disappear bc you didnt disappear on me and you're right

in a way you fought for me and idk why, i want to think theres a part of you that wants me, but if you do, you probably dont want me the same way i want you.

i write this bc i am ok now

before i was not

in the first week i was emotional and confused

over the first weekend i was disappointed by the low amount of contact

by the 2nd week i became accepting

now in the 2nd weekend i am almost back to the state i was before you took me.

except now i am calm and at peace and accepting but with fragments of you

i still crave you but i know very well what this is, it's out of my control and in your hands and i can only set boundaries and set limits and distance myself when i need balancing.

i dont think we will ever be anything

but in my coming down stages i asked myself if i really want to experience you and you experience me

all of my relationships have ended badly and with very bad words and criticisms exchanged, do i really want to learn to hate you like i hate them

we played trials together 8 years ago and were part of the same clan. if we ruin our friendship then it's like all those memories go to waste or disappear

you grew up to be such a smart and aware young man that even i couldnt even resist

my idea of you for many years was the young boy that was chasing the wrong girl that he talked to me about back then and years later was still hung up over her

when i thought of obssessive people for the wrong people, you were one of them that was used as an example

but when we reconnected and the stories you shared it was like we had seen the same struggles, heartbreak, realization and healing and i made myself believe that you were right for me, that you were who i have been looking for and who would finally come to sweep me and make me whole.

as much as you leave me wanting you, craving you and being curious about you, i know my wanting for you is about me and my need to attach. you just turned on that switch for me and it was exhilarating i have no regrets

like the song in the story of kunning palace,

"my heart is broken but i do not regret loving you"

and also

"traveled so far but i still can't forget you"

I just want to run to NY and stand in times square and hope to find your face among millions and dream that when you see me that something will awaken in you that will make you say "shes the one i want" but i know this is my dream

but i no longer expect anything from you, to expect from you would only be torture for me when they go unsatisfied like seeing you online but you dont invite me to play and i'm just waiting

but also richard waits for me to join him and i dont and he sees me online

so we all hurt and yearn for someone's attention in some way and this dating world is cruel.

but since you care about our friend ship it has made me feel better

i am happy you did not ghost me and have been honest with me

i can sleep again, i can be happy again in my world and it is no longer being pushed under the weight of passion, love, confusion, anticipation, longing and hoping.

i thank you for making the decision for us to not ruin our relationship

so today as i write this, i am ok.

[another-star-eyed-kid]

welcome to me realizing that i’ve legitimately never written any fics besides one shots and have no iDEA HOW TO WRITE A SERIOUS MULTI CHAPTER FIC SOMEONE HELP

[mmagnusbluu]

As the World Caves In

WARNING: ⚠️⚠️ MAJOR SPOILERS FOR SEASON FOUR VOL. 2 OF STRANGER THINGS, IF YOU HAVE NO YET GO WATCH IT BEFORE READING THIS!! ⚠️⚠️

Warning 2: Mentions of blood, fire, burning flesh, and guns. Lots of angst and violence, a little fluff before the fire but it's most all angst. Also mentions of death 💔 swearing

Pair: Eddie Munson x Male! Reader. Y/n is Dustin's cousin who was going to a college by hawkins, and stayed mainly with Dustin. Make of how Y/n looks like what you please 💗

A/N: I'm jumping straight in with no summary🫶

We all sat on the grass, forging weapons for the fight of.. whatever it was. This was fucked up, Hawkins was hell on earth at this point.

I looked up, staring over at Dustin and Eddie. I was sitting not too far away from them, I was making a torch. I massive torch because well.. we know those, demo-whatever the fuck they are.. they hate fire. So what not better than to have a big fire stick just in case.

I watched as Eddie and Dusty forged their weaponry, well their shields. I watched as they messed around, and talked and had fun. I just smiled, I realized I had to protect this at all cost.

Eddie yelled something to Lucas and Erica, I didn't hear. I just.. zoned out. Gripping the wood of my massive torch, and slowly wrapping the cloth around it. I had to protect everyone, this plan was.. it was a long shot, and I had to make sure that it worked and everyone is safe.

Eddie shook me from ny thoughts when he sat next to me. He had a smile on his face, he was soaking up whatever happiness he could. He never.. stopped being himself, not for anyone, not even for the end of the world. It made me smile, it was a sad smile but it was a smile nonetheless. I just looked at him.. I knew I loved him. We've been together for a couple months, but I know that he is everything to me and I don't want to lose him. I cannot lose him.

His smiled slightly faded, and he gently put his hand in the crook of my neck. "Y/n? Are you alright?"

I scoffed and tightly wrapped the cloth on the stick, finishing it up. "I'm.. fine.. As fine as anyone could be in this time" he watched me finish the torch and gently set it down, away from me.

He put his hand on my cheek and guided my face to look at him. Nobody else around me was in this vast moment.. It was just our world for a second. "We're gonna finish this" I said "I'm gonna make sure of it.. I promise, Eds.." I choked a little bit, feeling my airway tighten a little.

"I know.. We're gonna get through this together, I hope"

"Eddie." I said firmly, staring into his brown eyes. "I don't care what happens. You and Dustin are my main priority, I will not lose either of you"

"I know, Y/n.. I love you." he said "I'll always love you, maybe that's my downfall.." he sighed.

I leaned in and kissed him, gently tangling my hands in his hair. He hold onto the side of my face and tilted his head, deepening it. We sat there for a couple seconds, before pulling away.

"Get a room" Dustin yelled at us

I flipped him a bird and kissed Eddie again, smiling into it. There was a small moment of serendipity, everyone shouting in a joking tone 'get a room' 'not here.'

I pulled away and leaned my head against his shoulder. Robin gave me a thumbs up and I laughed, and Eddie wrapped an arm around my waist. "You all got your show go home!" he waved and rocked side to side with me. I love when he does this, the little rock he does when he's happy.

I look back to him, The love of my life.. Everything I need.

📍quite a bit of time later📍

We were starting to set up. "Are we ready for some.. real metal shit" Eddie looked to us.

I prepared my shit as I looked over to him, Dustin smiled. I smiled at Eddie. "Yeah.. Yeah let's get this shit over with.." I plugged in the amp and Eddie messed with it to make it right.

He leaned over and grabbed my face, giving me a quick kiss.

"Oh god- Not now, Not the time you two" Dustin said as he held onto his spear.

Eddie smiled "I love you.. We're gonna get through this-" he looked over at Dustin. "All of us"

I nodded and stood up "I love you too Eddie, now let's get this shit started" I stepped back, and he started it.

I could almost feel the presence of the bats moving as he played. He played Master of Puppets, by Metallica. Very fitting.. very.

I stepped back over to Dustin, staring at my cousin. "When this is over.. Never kiss in front of me again"

"No promises.." I said as I fidgeted with the lighter in my pocket.

----

Dustin yelled to Eddie as he played the guitar. "T MINUS 5!!" He yelled out.

I started getting prepared to get the hell out, holding my torch with the light fluid I had strapped to my thigh. Eddie gathered his shit as the bats started to fly in, we jumped away from the house. We ran through, shut the gate, and locked the door as we ran inside.

We started getting very happy "THAT WAS SO METAL!" Eddie yelled as we jumped around.

That was.. until we heard the noise. We ran into the kitchen to see the bats, seeping through the vents and trying to get in.

Eddie and Dustin went at it with the spears, I tried pushing then away with the end of my torch.

"Now would be a pretty good time to light that thing!" Dustin yelled at me.

"You know I would expect you to know more science than that-" I shoved the bats back angrily. "If I light it up, it'll blow up with us included!"

"He's right Henderson!" Eddie grabbed his shield "Watch out!" he yelled and we moved, he stuck it up to the ceiling and smiled at me. "That.. was badass"

I smiled at him, he's always so cute. God I can't wait to get out of here.

Dustin looked around "Are there any other vents here?" and Eddie's face dropped. We raced into his room where the bats started to come and pile in. We rushed forth, defending and blocking the exit.

Dustin said it was time to leave. So he quickly crawled up the tied sheets. After him, I went. And then.. Eddie started to climb up it, before he looked over at the resisted bats.

"Eddie.." I called out to him. "Eddie come on! We need to get out of here"

He looked over at me and smiled, before cutting the sheets and moving away the mattress and leaving.. I didn't know what to do in that moment. I yelled out loudly for him, watching as he ran away.

Dustin started speaking, sputtering nonsense. I grabbed a chair and did my best, jumping through the open gate, I could hear Dustin screaming for me but.. I couldn't let him go. Not without me. I was suppose to protect him.. like any good boyfriend would. I didn't care about anything else anymore, he needed me.

I fell through the gate, slamming my back harshly on the ground with a crack. I cried out and held onto my torch, slowly standing up. I felt a tear rush down my face as I painfully moved. I started moving quicker, running out of the door to see Eddie biking away.. he was being chased by all the bats, and yelling for him to chase him.

I ran after him, trying my best to keep up. He was moving to fast, it was getting extremely hard to keep up, but I kept moving. I wasn't going to stop until it was okay.

I ran and ran and ran, until i finally started to get closer. He was standing in the middle. He grabbed the canteen of light fluid and dumped it all over the torch, the cloth on the torch, and it also got all over me.. but I didn't care.

I grabbed the lighter from my pocket, lighting it up and letting the fire burn. It burned largely, and I chased into the bats that tore away the skin at his sides. I waved the fire around everywhere, it started to get bigger.. Eventually spreading down to all it could get on me.

I yelled out and dropped the torch, the bats swarmed around as I yelled in pain, my jacket immediately catching ablaze. I could feel the heat blister my skin. God it was painful but it was moving them away.

But then they all just.. collapsed, and so did I. I dropped in pain, rolling out the fire on me and ditching the jacket. I was shaking.. I could barely see.. but I knew the job wasn't finished. I couldn't move.. but I needed to. I needed to do it.

I could hear him, Dustin was screaming to us, and I took a deep breath. I crawled, desperately pulled myself over to Eddie and sat up.

"Y-Y/n.. Y/n is it you.." He whined. I looked over him, pulling the layers off him and then using all the strength I had to tear clot h away from his clothes, trying to wrap his wounds. I didn't try and waste my breath saying anything till I was done.

"Y/n.." he said again, and as soon I was done I held him. I held him close to me, I didn't even realize I was crying.. I just stared at him.

"Eddie.. Eddie- It's all gonna be okay, We're gonna get you to a doctor.. come on-" I trued to get him up, and Dustin finally got over. "Dustin.. D-Dustin help me please, we have to save him.." I cried.

"Y/n.. Y/n please-" Eddie whined, and I sat there with him. He smiled at me. "I didn't run.. I didn't run this time.." Tears welled in his eyes, he was covered in blood.

"No you didn't.." Dustin looked down to him.

I choked out "You didn't run.. I'm proud of you.. You're so strong Eddie, and we're gonna get you help.." I whimpered.

"This.. Is my year.." he breathed out. " '86.. The year of the freak.." he reached up and ran his hands through my hair. "Kiss me.. one more time, please.." he asked.

I felt my lips quiver, and I didn't care if I could get infected by his blood.. pooling away from his mouth. I didn't care. I leaned down and kissed him, feeling his blood stain my lips and any of my face. I tangled my hands into his hair and tilted my head. It was a long kiss.. and I knew there it would be my last.. so I tried to let it last.

I pulled away, looking down at him. I caressed his cheek. "Eddie please.. I love you so much.. please don't leave me.." I cried to him.

"I.. love you, my dove.." He choked out, looking at Dustin and reaching for him. Dustin took his hand and looked at him. "Take.. care of the sheeps.. the l-lost sheep.." he smiled before slowly sinking in my arms. I could feel his body let go, and his chest stopped moving.

I looked to Dustin who was crying and then back down at my former love.. and pulled him into my chest, feeling myself start to sob. I heard the thunder roll across the land.. but I just kept crying. He was my everything.. and now, there's nothing. I didn't know how I was suppose to move on.

There was silence beyond the storm. I sat there with his corpse in my arms.. I couldn't just leave him.

"Y/n.." Dustin said to me. "We have to go now.."

I sat up and kissed his forehead one last time. Dustin took his necklace and I took his bandana and jacket. We started to walk, Dustin held me up. I hissed as he touched the burned flesh. God it hurt. It all hit me how much it hurt.

I looked back to Eddie one last time, I couldn't help but be upset. I wanted to give him a proper burial, and I definitely was going to do some kind of burial.

Dustin reminded me that we needed to just find our way and get out. I nodded as we limped out way out of this.

----

When we finally got out, we waited for the rest. Steve, Robin, and Nancy finally came through. I was numb, like my mind was stuck.. on a vast loop.

"Where's Eddie?" Steve said, and finally looked up at them, and they saw my condition. I started to cry again.

"We need.. to get Y/n and Dustin to a hospital.. Now" Nancy said as she came over to me. I just leaned in her for a second and we got out of there, going back to the thing we call a ride.

----

Steve had been driving, I was sitting in the back with Robin. Nancy and Robin were trying to help patch up what they can while we went to a hospital, everyone was gonna go there because Max was.. also on the way to the hospital.

I looked at Robin and sniffled "He didn't run away this time.." she looked at me, tears in the corners of her eyes. "He fought them.. And I couldn't s-save him"

She looked up to who I assumed was Nancy and Dustin. There was silence.. the entire ride. Beside for the sniffling sounds from us, mostly me. He was gone.. and there was nothing else I can do.

📍some more time later, a day or so📍

I was laid on my stomach, I felt like Jonny Cade in this moment. Dustin was in another room, and the doctors said he was gonna be okay. They said I needed to stay here though, because I had third degree burns all down my back and arms.

I heard the door open and someone entered. I didn't look up, I was too numb to all the feeling.

"I heard what happened" a voice rang out through the quiet. A voice all too familiar.

He came and sat in a chair beside me. "It's.. Horrible to see this.. I'm-" he sniffed. "I'm sorry, for your loss.. Eddie was a great guy I heard, Mike.. Mike told me about him" I smiled. "Dustin said he was a hero, and you loved him.."

There was a little more silence, before I finally talked. "He was.. everything I ever wanted, and I.. I did love him" I looked over to Will. "I did love him"

He smiled at me. I knew. Will always trusted me, he knew he could come to me for anything. He says I was the first one he told, and I was glad about that.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do without him now, I have.. nothing else to work for.."

"But you have Us.. You have Dustin, and you have me.. We're back to stay, and.. A-And we'll always be here" he spoke to me. I just sat there, my glassy eyes staring at him.

"Yeah.. yeah.." I sighed and looked down. I heard the door open, and heard people all walk inside.

"Y/n?" Dustin said to me. "Are you okay?" He walked over and stood by Will. Everyone kind of stood around, I saw everyone there.

Steve, Robin, Nancy.. Then, Jonathan, Mike, El, and some random guy with long hair.. Then Dustin and Will. I looked up at them and took a deep breath, it caught in my throat and I started to cough. Dustin took attention to that and tried to make sure I was okay.

"What defines okay anymore.. I'm alive yes.. Doctor says I have a good chance of living.." I took a deep breath "But.. b-but I lost a chunk of me.. That i'm never going to get back" I looked up at him. "I lost my heart.. I lost my love, my sanity.. My everything.." I whined softly and everyone stared at me, almost guilty. "I lost Eddie"

"We all lost Eddie.. and I know it's hard but.. You know he would want you to keep going" Dustin nodded. "You know he would"

"I don't.." I took a deep breath "I know he would.. I know.." He handed me his bandana, hadn't been washed. I took it and held it close to me.

Robin and Steve told me what they were gonna do, how they were going to go down to the shelter. They were going to donate and do their best to help around. I just smiled and told him how that was a great thing.

I laughed softly and said "Tell my badass story.."

"You never quit y/l/n.. you never quit" Steve said.

They all started to leave, Dustin stayed behind for a second.. said he would catch up.

"We're gonna get through this, we're going to make sure of it" he grasped my hand, and I just nodded.

"I know.. I know we will. For Eddie.."

"For Eddie.." Dustin nodded, before he left. I heard him step away, and then the loud sound of the shutting door.

I sighed and held the bandana close to me. It's almost like I could feel him around. I felt the tears start to prick the corners of my eyes. I buried my face with the bandana into the hospital bed and felt myself start to cry again.

He was the love of my life, it was.. till death do us part. The world caved in on us, and he was with me the whole time.. but yet I still couldn't save him. At least he knew I loved him.. and that he loved me. I could die with those words.

I felt a pain burn in my chest and I whined, closing my eyes. I just laid there, until eventually my body caught up with me.. and my mind went black. I just smiled, and laid there in peace. It was you.. That I will lie with, as the World Caves In.

🌀🌀🌀🌀 oh lord 🌀🌀🌀🌀

Sweet mother of whatever the fuck shshssh i am so sorry, so sorry for all you reading this. Yeah I know it's cliche and weird and really.. Oh well Idc, Idgaf. I need angst somewhere in my life and am detailed in writing because i'm dramatic asf so i apologize for this dramatic piece😭💀💀💀

[artemiseamoon]

Let your heart bloom

Past! Dean Moriarty x Ofc (On the road)

***this is a preview***

Pulled from A03 to get revised 10/2024

An: I rewatched On The Road tonight and once again, wowed by Garrett, totally gives me slutty Benny ideas PLUS the ending breaks my heart all over again, even tho Dean was a walking red flag and had a downfall coming but man - just like the first time I saw it, the "i can fix him, i can save him" parts of me were aching. While my logical part is like , "well, you had that coming buddy" lol. Anyway, instead of reading before bed, I've been writing what is going to be one long ass oneshot. Here's a sneak peak. It will post to A03 when it's fully ready. Tba. This is a rough draft share!

Warnings: angst , being lost, homelessness

When she stopped at the foot of the stairs, Dean rose to his feet with some effort. He was only wearing a light jacket over his hoodie, and likely no thermals under his jeans.

The zipper of the jacket is broken, barely held closed by the latch in the center. Even his shoes were a poor choice for the city winter, but they were likely the only shoes he had from the look of him.

Dean was a shadow of the man she last saw all those years ago, still beautiful but in a tragic sort of way. A little thinner, a haunted look in his eyes, even as he smiled wide at the sight of her. On his right shoulder he had a messenger bag and nothing else.

“Beautiful Talia.” He smiled wider as his eyes moistened with tears. His voice is different, it’s shaky, like any moment he’s going to fall apart.

“Dean.”

He takes in her appearance. “You and Sal, all grown up. You should see him - so sharp. He looks happy.”

“You saw Sal?” She resists the urge to step closer. Though they live in the same city, she hasnt seen Sal since last year, or spoken to him.

“Before coming here, “ he sniffles, then uses the sleeve of his jacket to wipe his nose. “Took me 5 days and nights along the railroad to get here, “ he stares off, his expression saddens, “hell of an adventure.”

Talia rubs her hands together, even in her coat she's chilled, and Dean is clearly freezing. But she's trying hard not to offer help, not to invite him inside.

“How’d it go with Sal?”

“Sal, my boy,” he grins, “he found his destination.”

“And you?”

“You know me, “ he frowns, unable to keep the smile up, “always off to a new adventure.” His brows tense as his gaze lowered to the ground. “Appears you found yours too, “ he chuckles, “you should have seen him Sugarpie,” Talia takes a deep breath as he pauses, she hasn’t heard that nickname in years, “two of you - me.” He gestures to himself.

She swallows before speaking, “how long have you been out there?”

“About two hours, maybe more…lost track of time, went numb.” he wiggles his fingers, then slides them back into his pockets.

Her eyes tear up, she turned her head and wiped them away, “um, where are you staying? I can call you a cab.”

“A guy on the bus told me about some place on 14th and B, I’m headed there. J-just wanted to see you, and Sal before I - “ he trailed off.

She always suspected Sal was the only friend he had left here, he burned all his other bridges, or people just matured and left him in their past as they did.

Hearing these words now from his lips, is heartbreaking, Sal really was all he had left. In the years past, especially once he spent more time in NY, Dean could walk into a room and own it. Now, he’s just a shadow, no one turns a head.

“That place isnt safe, Dean.”

“I’ve stayed worst places my whole life.”

Talia digs in her purse and fishes out her keys. She walks up the stairs and stops one step away from him.

“I can’t in good conscience send you there, so, for tonight, and tonight only, you can sleep on my couch. Okay?”

Dean smiles, the tears lingering in his eyes finally fall down to his cheek. “That's kind of you, I appreciate it.”

She breaks eye contact and passes him on the stairs. “Follow me.”

Every step into the building, up the two flights of stairs, and to her door feels heavy. She was so nervous her hands shook as put the key in the door. Once inside, she flicked on the light and welcomed him in.

Dean instantly sighs with relief as a blast of warm air hits his cold skin, the radiator bangs as heat fills the space.

More Garrett

[canceramorem]

Syracuse NY, not exactly where Jeypizzle would have ever imagined he would be at this point in his life (2018). Many years ago I swore to myself and to God that I would not travel, live or even visit any state north of Virginia. Including VIRGINIA. It should be called an " uncommon wealth" state, it's uncommonly unfair, and people like @valeriejanegreen are happy in such a miserable , fake, not quite Florida, and will never be California- state, such as Virginia. I used to have a sticker in the hotel room I resided in for two years, and it was one of those " Virginia is for lovers" stickers with a heart on it. But instead of "Lovers" , I had scratched it to say " Losers" . Yeah Valerie, you and your homeboy Duane Kookey, love Virginia and New York , "Virginia is for losers". And so is New York, mainly St Lawrence County .losers and people that are sex offenders. That's the home county of Marie But as far as I'm concerned, I would have just forgotten Virginia and points north altogether. I go south and west - FUCK GOING NORTH, FUCK NEW YORK MASSACHUSETTS RHODE ISLAND, ( I lived and grew up in Newport, Rhode Island. Do you know how bad ass Newport RI is ?) I lived by the way of points south, and to continue southbound. Well thanks Marie. Uh- hum "$carlett" .

Here is a little insight into this woman named Marie Clara Camp, a woman that I was, and still am, in fact, deeply in love with. Marie was born in 1975, July 9 to be exact. She is a cancer in the zodiac signs , and I am a Capricorn. I'm not big on horoscopes, and only recently did I discover this, that we are unlikely, but highly compatible soul mates. Marie has a disorder, well, a few actually....

Marie has 8 personalities, and all 8 of them are compulsive liars. It's not something that she (them- all 8 personalities) can control. She lies in order to preserve her Self-righteous image. Although she has a master's degree, she works in a fast food restaurant. She is such a lovable woman, but she hasn't been married ever, she goes to church , but will lie about going.

She can't stand to admit when she is wrong. ( Which is more often than not). Even when she gets caught in the act of doing something wrong , she claims plausible deniability , especially when it comes to cheating on me or flirting. Trying to twist it back on the person that caught her red- handed (me) .She will use the "poor Marie" defense,asking complete strangers for help, as if I did something to her . I have even seen her flirt with whatever man comes to her aid - because she usually makes a scene , yelling and screaming when confronted with any accusations that you bring against her. She will all but forget who I am and team up against me, with a complete stranger. saying " Jason this" or " he" did this or that ( referring to me, Jey pizzle). This always involves her denying it, and then either physically attacking me or yelling as to cause unneeded attention.

Just trying to get an honest 100% truthful answer from her is a lesson in futility, trying to get a straight forward answer from her is literally like forcing a cat into water. It's will leave you scratched ( emotionally) , and with a crushed ego. ( She will try and make you feel stupid, like you should have known that's just how she is, and shes not gonna change it ever.) She would mumble things under her breath and think that she was being honest with me. Well, she was telling me the truth, but I couldn't hear nor understand, what she was saying. It would end up with me getting so mad and upset because she said that she told me. Well, I didn't hear , so can you repeat it? And she wouldn't. Which led to me just going in circles with her and her personalities. It really is impossible for her to just tell the truth. This proved to be so exhausting, so draining that it actually caused me psychosis. So , here we were, two people in love. In love , and in this state of psychosis, but madly in love with each other. It turned out to be mind boggling , the way she would do this mumbling, and talking under her breath (Phychobabble). She thought it was normal. It was not normal. But I looked past the madness. I looked past it, and pushed forward with a love vengeance . Hoping that someway , somehow, she would just be honest with me. Because, as the zodiac suggests, and how I felt, I loved this woman . And I wanted to and still want to, is spend my life with her. I even offered to go to the psych-ward with her. Just so she wouldn't be alone in there. I meant it, I really would! But I was just a pawn in her game of power, you see to her, image is everything. She's like that Magazine 'Marie Claire' Do you think they show the real stories behind the plastic 'fake' girls that are in that magazine? Fuck No! And The Marie I fell in love with reminds me of the fake -ass ' perfect ' girls in that magazine, she paints a picture of perfection , but is far from perfect. I was and still am good with that, but at some point, we all need to be accountable for our actions, and My Marie Bear is no different. Maybe it's because she needs men to crash and burn for her. It builds up her sense of being a goddess. She has even told me she is a " Goddess" . More like a "Succubus". A Succubus that has sex with men and then steals their souls. Like she did to me. She sucked all of the good out of my soul and left me a brokenhearted, love- crippled -crash test dummy. Hopping on buses and traveling to be with her, while the whole time she was messaging " Marco Givenspace ", telling him things like " Mo and Marie". I even discovered messages between her and her online African -American lover. I discovered this gem of infidelity, accidentally. Can you imagine what this did to my heart. Hurt is an understatement. Pain is relative. This is just, I don't even know how to describe it, I guess call it , just plain old "shitty", to do to someone. To hear her tell it, she doesn't know who he is or why I saw it. I guess it wasn't meant for my eyes.

But messages to other dudes didn't matter. Bad decisions have always been a big downfall for Jeypizzle. And being so in love that it blinds your decision making process , like looking directly into the sun for five minutes without blinking, that's what the blindness was like. But even Stevie Wonder could see what was going on. I just used love as an excuse not to see the truth.

Throw in a few months of missing your twin-flame (soulmate), her asking you to come to her sooner rather than later, and the police raiding your spot, and you have the perfect recipe for "Escape from Asheville " pt 1 -brokenheart pie. Comes with a side order of regret and a big glass of fuck you Jpizzle to wash down the pain and problems that follow. What I once considered absolutely insane , I was more than ready to do the unspeakable, which was go through that damn New York port authority bus station. Toting bags, wasting money- Fucking drinks for like 6 dollars. The people , the rudeness, the cops , the everything I cannot stand, I was ready to embrace it with a big hug and kiss. And not to mention the money spent on these ' love trips ' to New York . Sure, the church financed most of them. So I guess that means I owe God for wasting church money on me , traveling on God's money to see Marie. Well you can have my soul God, well, what's left of it after she got it first, and left me with hardly any soul left. I feel like a casualty of love. That's when you love someone so much and they take all your love and don't give you back what you deserve, or at times, none at all.

This part of my departure from Asheville is still a little bit grey. I know that at some point , our hill was just off the chain with visitors, theives , junkies Angelas (nasty redhead). Yeah , it was a matter of time before shit went down. And if I was not hallucinating , then one night or really early in the morning , this day it went down just the way it should have -with me not getting arrested , and getting to Syracuse NY.

I was just casually gacked out , watching the darkness , dancing with Shadow people, and not sleeping. Which after a few days , can make you see shit . I went to check on my charging block at the Target 🎯 sign, I charged anything I need charged there. This night as I crept down the muddy embankment . I couldn't help but notice , what appeared to be Asheville police cars going down the rode single file , all the way to Chuck E Cheese! So, I crept back up the hill like a fucking crab backstepping from a big lobster. Fuck the charging blocks , fuck the gear I left up on the other Gary cook spot . I had my binoculars, some good shit, and a strong will to not get arrested, and most importantly I had the love of my life telling me she wants me and she loves me. I gathered up all of my tweeking capabilities and formed an escape- type plan. Ever -so -carefully, I avoided flashlights chasing me - , and a bunch of cops and more cops, trying to get something or somebody on the hill that was like a fucking disposal site for anything illegal. Good ole dollar tree hill had been the hottest spot in Asheville , for over a year. Since day one when Gary and I first found it. I had lived on the hill with my Marie bear, real bears ( a family of them) , and Gary . As heart wrenching and dangerous as it was , I had to leave and get to her in NY.

A big thank you to the ABCCM in black mountain for helping me get to my wife in Syracuse in September 2018, I am forever grateful for everything you-all have done for me. God is great! And we owe you immensely.

So I got into Syracuse on a Sunday. Of course , " Clara - Bell" ( same girl, different name) wasn't there to meet me at the station. She did tell me the address and it was a few miles away still. So I hauled ass, and in about an hour or so , she came out to see me in the rite-aid parking lot, hung for an hour, then went to where she was staying at , - a fucking domestic violence woman's shelter. And she was supposedly, running from me! Imagine that! Who runs from someone , yet tells them to come exactly to where they are at?

WTF , so I camped out and the usual , um , being treated like a fun dummy- is really the only thing that comes to mind. Clara Bell did bring me some food though. It was good and the cheddar cheese she brought , well it was right from New York state and was delicious, considering I was famished and just about starving.

I don't regret anything I did in the name of love or for her. I took the chances, and there is no such thing as reward without taking risk. I just want you to realize that I did everything you wanted , I was trying to overcome the odds , and at the same time make sure you were safe. The day when you walked by me and then rushed to get away so you could be with Jose, or the guy from that big church that you met the day you punched me in the head. Or whoever else, the guy from the " Ox", how you told him you needed help, and you were hanging around the fucking " Ox" . That's not loyalty, that is so hurtful to do to someone that loved you so much , locked me out of 511 Bellevue , you just hurt me so bad, I have been so faithful and really never did so much as kiss another woman. I couldn't, I really was lovestruck, love blinded , and under your spell. Here you were, living with all guys , and all these guys trying to get me out of the picture so they could have you. Finally I left new York, and left so hurt, I'm still not right to this day from that.

Getting on the bus to go to Texas , I believe that was the beginning of the end of my life, the time when having a broken heart so bad can actually fuck a person up and start cancer. It's not scientifically proven, but I know it didn't help my aging -heartbroken -46 year old self.

I felt like the biggest dummy. I had came to this fucking horrible place all because she asked me to, and not just one time! I had left when Marie went into the psych ward at St Joe's hospital and refused to have visitors. So I did what every person that wants to leave New York state does,(go to social services) I went to the Onanandaga county DSS office and pleaded for a bus ticket back to NC. well, my case worker, Stacy Butterfield asked me why. "Didn't you just come here for this woman?" - I told everyone the real reason why I was there. Which was for Marie, and nothing else. I didn't come to New York state for any kind of opportunity or to make a life there. I came to New York for the sole reason of being with Marie Camp. So I told the Butterfield Case worker lady that it didn't work out and that Marie had left me, and that she was in the mental hospital psych ward, and she didn't want visitors. Which is the truth. When she went into that hospital and she specifically told those hospital people that she didn't want me in there to visit her, I was so fucking hurt. And the fucking asshole New York Hospital security guards , they told me , just go back to North Carolina, she doesn't want you here. Well, I was at DSS the next morning trying to get back to NC. I'll never forget what the Butterfield woman said - " We are not a travel agency " and then she gave me a voucher to get a bus ticket. And I left New York and went back to North Carolina , only to return to New York a few weeks later when Marie gets out of the hospital and in a sweet caring voice ask me- " Why did you leave?". So I returned to Syracuse , because the thought of her being alone was just too much for me to handle. And when I returned it was more of the same. Except this time she was actually at the bus station to meet me, but let's jump to me leaving Syracuse and being back in Asheville while Marie was in the psych ward.

In between time when I got back to North Carolina from Syracuse the first time. I was like a zombie. Wandering aimlessly around the streets of Asheville in a daze. "Looking for Marie with a flashlight in the daytime" that's what it was comparable too. All I could think of was her . Love sick is nothing compared to " love crippled" , yes , love can do that to a person. It has a crippling effect on them. I was so love crippled , that I had to do something. So remember the character named " Tim" , he's the one who I thought was my friend . He was another homeless guy that thinks he is the shit. He is the one named in the email that I received from Marie (soundofloveintime@gmail.com) that email that says Tim basically forced her to have sex with him. All over some fucking dope - when I went to the hospital , freezing and heartbroken in the winter 2017, when we were in our early stages of the relationship. Well Tim knew I loved Marie, when I asked him nonshalantly about Marie, he answered " oh yeah, 'Crazy Marie', I bought her a cheeseburger one time". ( This infuriated me even more, because she loves food, and that was his in- food and dope). Tim was in my sights and I wanted nothing more than to fuck him up for what he did or what she says he did in that heartbreaking email from way back in 2017.

So guess who I ran into. Yup you guessed it , fucking RAPE-O - Timothy Fitgerald Wright. That's his full government name, Google it and you will see. He really is a rapist. And this is how funny life is... Tim and I had an " association" I never let him know that I knew what he did to the love of my life. So when I ran into him, I was all buddy -buddy with him. Plotting for a way to get him back for what he did while I was in the hospital. So what better way than get him where it hurts- his money. Well this was going to be easy, Tim wanted someone to open a bank account so he could deposit like 250$ in it. "Tim, I got you" , is what I told him , we went to the bank at Walmart on Airport Rd and within 15 minutes , had a balance in a checking account that was in my name, a balance of 250$. So we had to wait for the debit card to come or something to that effect. So we grabbed a box or two of some medicine so we could go to Tim's place and actually make some real medicine, you know " go" . So we got everything needed and Tim and his girlfriend Kelly, and myself headed out the long and windy road to his place in Fairview. (Tim had gotten disability at this point, had a place to live and money) We had to wait till the next day for me to actually start the medicine making process, that night at Tim's, I even talked to Marie on the phone. She denies she sent the email. Even to this day , she swears up and down that it never happened, that she never sent it. There's all kinds of conspiracy theories about it according to Marie. The point is, I got an email from her account and this fucking rapists name was in it and what it said would tear any man's heart to pieces.

So , the next day . I'm at this fucking RAPE-O clown, Tim's place . I was cleaning out the shed and getting ready to make some shit. Well, that's when three Buncombe county sheriff's deputies startled me. They asked me if I had seen Tim. I told them no , but then at that very moment , Tim comes walking out. Needless to say, he was arrested, he was arrested for rape. You see , Tim was a rapist. He was charged with raping a different woman and robbing her ( Not Marie). He was a certified rapist, and he raped the woman I love, and had gotten away with it. Tim was arrested, and I took the money that he'd given me to open an account for him. I took it and bought a bus ticket to Syracuse NY , and two days later. I was with her. There really is such a thing as God. Because Tim got what he deserved, well not completely. And suddenly , all my worries ended, and all my love pains went away, and once again, I was the happiest man on earth. Because I was with her.

She was there, at the Greyhound station waiting for me, and I hugged her so hard as if it were the last hug given by man to another woman on earth. We walked and within five minutes , we were in some bushes in the parking lot of "Destination USA" - the mall near the Greyhound station in Syracuse. We were in those bushes making love like two people that are madly in love. Cars passing by and they probably could see us. We didn't care, because we were in love , so much in love. Love is such a beautiful thing . True love never dies, I really believe that. It never dies, but it does most certainly kill. Just like the old Ed Hardy Tattoos. " Love kills slowly"

So , this is the part when Marie gets a place and the place is like a boarding house for men. She had gotten the place on her own, with help from DSS. Her landlord would prove to be another one on the long list of men trying to fuck my chick. It's very disheartening when you have someone you love so dearly , and they think it's ok to flirt. To flirt and actually get caught in the act and still deny it. Yup, that's Marie. Deny it completely , even when you get caught red handed- Just deny it.

The place was just a raggedy old ass three or four level big house. Just old. The landlord said , " make sure that when you leave, set off a bug bomb , to kill the bed bugs" . WHAT,? BED BUGS? ARE YOU SERIOUS MARIE? So, Marie didn't really want me around. I could sense it. I was staying in the absolute worst place I had ever stayed in. The "Ox" as it was called. Was short for the " oxford " men's shelter in Syracuse. It was absolutely horrible . And just the fact that I stayed there is testament to how much I loved this woman. This place was scumbag central. And I met a guy there. This guy actually knew Marie. He claims he met her there and that she was flirting with him too. Well , I don't think she knew, but this guy was out on parole and staying at the "Ox" , he was on parole for killing someone. So , here you go Marie, great choice of friends you have.Fucking flirting with murderers, and trying to get him to buy her a phone, that's what he said. And I believe him. Because he doesn't have any reason to lie.

Anyhow, so Marie finally got a place. I was so excited, we finally get some time alone. Or did we? Marie's kind heart will get you fucked up EVERYTIME!

DeeDee was this black chick that Marie had become friends with. Deedee was homeless and looking for someone to use. Well, here comes Marie on the scene. And I was there , so, I watched the whole thing go down , we met DeeDee on the street. She was trying to get Marie to take off and leave me. And like so many other times, I begged Marie , I begged her to tell DeeDee to get the fuck gone. It's always other people that get in our relationship and fuck it up. I've been telling Marie this from the very beginning. But , she thinks it's "cool" to help people and put them before me, because that's what she does , and did with DeeDee , and many others, so , here we are stuck with Marie's new friend DeeDee. So we go back to Marie's place. Dee Dee is upstairs and Marie and I are in her downstairs bathroom. We got so high, and we fucked so good, any man that had Marie after that night could not compare to what I did to her, and the way I made her feel . I had pretty much ruined it for any man after that night. That night set the standard for having sex and having sex with Marie. At one point I had her on her head , upside down , and right side up. It was, most definitely, no doubt in my mind , the best sex humanly possible. To finish it off , we decided to go up to her room. And set up a little divider , you know a partition like , so we could continue our night of sex. That's what we liked doing, getting high and having sex, literally all night and into the next day . Sometimes , for days. Yes, I could perform like that, and Marie, well , she's a machine. This chick can fuck like no other. I guarantee it. That's another reason why we are so good together, not good , PERFECT! So with DeeDee on the other side of the room, I commenced to going down on Marie . I was eating her out for at least three hours , if not more. Time stands still when we are together. And this time it wouldn't be any different. I was and still am , a master at cunnilingus . Marie will tell you, my head game is serious. But this particular night, I was going to town , eating , sucking , licking , you name it- for at least three hours , I was. Until I started itching. Then I would stop and scratch. And scratch some more and itch some more. And then DeeDee said, are they biting you too? Well folks , it's a wrap. Fucking bed bug psychosis is real. And I had it . Those fucking bed bugs ruined it , and me . I'm scratching now. Just thinking about it. Well, the next few weeks turned from bad to worse. With Marie locking me out of her place and leaving me alone to stay in some fucking shit hole shelter in Syracuse, a place that I only went to , because she asked me to. I was so hurt , and actually ruined from that experience, I wanted to get as far away from her as possible. So I gathered up my courage, and went to the Catholic Charities , and asked for a ticket away from her and there.....

So I returned to a place that I would never in a million years go to. And she acted like I was just some dumbass . Some fucking fun dummy, which I was. And the fucking pain she caused was like no other. And I will never forget, the lady from the Catholic Charities in Syracuse , the woman who brought me to the bus station , her name was Mary Jane I remember because she told me as she helped me into the terminal. She said " you'll be back" well, she was with the church. So maybe it was God , communicating through her. But either way you look at it. She was fucking right. Because as you will see if you keep reading this story, I do come back to the state of New York, whick would make it a trifecta of stupidness. A three- dummy strikes -and your out- you big Dummy, Jpizzle!

And so, it was Thanksgiving day in 2018. I arrived in Corpus that night. I was in a place I loved , but without the only woman I loved. Actually , she is the only person I really love. I love God, but I love Marie even though she does what she does. She doesn't realize the pain she causes. God , help me. I feel like a dog that was just dropped off at an animal shelter. Not given any reason why, just abandoned. My heart is hurting me really bad right now. I think I'm going to cry, God , why does love hurt so bad?, See there it goes, that fucking good heart of mine. It's like my heart is addicted to the pain called Marie Camp. Even after all the bullshit, and her doing nothing to improve our getting back together. She is happy without me, she has her ' freedom' as she calls it. Free to help out other dudes , freedom to fuck whoever, and freedom to delete her numbers and or block me. Freedom from me, what she fails to realize , is I will leave her alone, FOREVER. Because , my days are numbered. Yes, they really are. They told me , I have stage four cancer that has metastasized to my bones, yes, all throughout my body, the cancer has spread. And is thriving on my brokenhearted soul...

Although , at times , I feel as though , she knows, I am the best man for her. And that there isn't and won't ever be, someone that loves her as much as I .

[silverplatters]

september 15, 1998. maxine brandt makes a very public announcement in front of brandt & goetsch. 

[SPEECH START]

I have called this press conference to make an important, long overdue announcement. ¶

I took over as CEO of Brandt & Goetsch in February of last year, after looking forward to and fearing the position for years. / Although I inherited the title of CEO from my late father, no one was more surprised than myself when that moment came so soon after his death—it had always been our plan for me to take over leadership at the firm but not under these circumstances. ¶

I accepted the role and all its associated responsibilities, knowing that taking on this position would mean shouldering some burdens. / I’ve always believed that this law firm—founded by my father—was a part of me in the same way that my heart is. / I had been groomed to learn how to protect and make it successful for generations, so carrying his legacy within me seemed natural. ¶

But there has been a lot of change in my life since then—as there tends to be when one is thrust into such a position—and I’m here to say finally, after a long delay: ¶

There is no cause to be proud of Brandt & Goetsch. / I have lost faith in the values that this firm once embodied; given everything that has happened over the last year and throughout history before today, I refuse to remain complicit with its mistreatment of mutants. / I do not wish to be associated with a legacy whose reputation is soiled by greed, corruption, and cruelty. ¶

I am renouncing any affiliation with Essex House, the Essex Corporation, and Nathaniel Essex himself. Brandt & Goetsch has dissolved its partnerships with the mentioned parties and will cooperate fully with the FBI’s investigation of Essex Corporation. ¶

As I stand here today, I am not seeking forgiveness for the atrocities Brandt & Goetsch, and the Essex Corporation committed. / Doing so will not reverse any of the damage caused by our cruelty—and doing so would only benefit me without helping those we’ve let down. ¶

But I must take this opportunity to apologize for the role Brandt & Goetsch played in Essex’s cruel and unethical practices. / We were a part of it—and we did nothing to stop him or put an end to his actions. ¶

So instead, I will stand here and take full responsibility for the actions of Brandt & Goetsch. / We have abandoned the unethical business practices that led to our company’s downfall—and will no longer be a part of Nathaniel Essex’s attempts to reap financial gain from people suffering emotional pain. ¶

To this end, I have decided to close Brandt & Goetsch, New York, on October 31st of this year. / My choice is not easy, but the current climate makes it imperative that I take this measure. ¶

In the meantime, I urge everyone to take their business elsewhere. / Many firms will provide the same services as Brandt & Goetsch without exploiting those who need them most. ¶

I will temporarily retire from law practice and take a hiatus from public life. / This decision is not a reflection on the firm or its partners but a recognition that they are caught up in a system I cannot support. / My commitment now is to protecting mutant rights and ensuring that mutants are treated fairly in our society; however, it will be on my own terms. ¶

Thank you, and good evening. ¶

[SPEECH END]

tldr:

not a televised event but this will definitely be in the papers and local news

b&g ny will officially close on halloween night

yes she used her powers to let the board go along with this

yes everyone is confused as to why everyone agreed for a company shutdown out of nowhere with the only reason being ‘miss brandt said so’

yes there are some people speculating that maxine is a mutant

no she did not disclose her mutant status to anyone

nor did she publicly announce it, either

and she probably never will

maxine is unemployed

and so are a lot of people

that’s all for now!

[holycrosssinners]

— 𝑯𝑬𝒀 , 𝒀𝑶𝑼 , 𝑴𝑬𝑫𝑰𝑪𝑰𝑵𝑬 𝑴𝑨𝑵 ; 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑲𝑵𝑶𝑾 𝑾𝑯𝑨𝑻 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑩𝑹𝑶𝑲𝑬𝑵 𝑵𝑬𝑬𝑫

FULL NAME: Gabriel Bevan Crowe

NICKNAME(S): Gabe (only by those closest to him) ; Doc (by everyone)

FACECLAIM: Daniel Day-Lewis

BIRTHDATE: 29th April 1966 (age 55)

BIRTHPLACE: Holy Cross, Kentucky, USA

GROUP: Cultist/Local

OCCUPATION: Doctor (specialising in psychiatry) ; Mortician

TALENTS & SKILLS: Ambidextrous ; playing the violin & piano ; knows a little too much about Shakespeare ; extensive knowledge of psychiatric disorders

HOBBIES: Reading ; amateur dramatics (runs a society that meets at least once a week) ; psychological research ; art history

GENDER ORIENTATION: Cis Male

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Heterosexual

HAIR COLOUR: Dark brown but now mostly gray

EYE COLOUR: Green-gray

HEIGHT: 6ft 1inch

BUILD: Tall ; lanky

FASHION: Smart ; practical ; old-fashioned

DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: Has two thin band tattoos on his left forearm

OTHER: Requires reading glasses ; is a stress smoker

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single ; divorced

FAMILY MEMBERS:

— FATHER: Jeremiah Crowe

— MOTHER: Sylvia Crowe (née Ashley)

— YOUNGER SISTER: Annabelle Crowe

— EX-WIFE: Jean Crowe (subject to change)

FAMILY DYNAMICS:

— FATHER: Jeremiah was Gabriel’s idol growing up. He wanted to be exactly like his father: a first-class doctor who was admired by everybody. Even before heading off to med school, Gabriel studied his father and his father’s textbooks to learn all he could about medicine and about being respectable. It was during this process he became interested in the human mind and how it functioned. Gabriel and Jeremiah see each other at least once a week to have lunch, catch up up, and play chess.

— MOTHER: Gabriel loved his mother and knew she loved him, but knew that she loved Annabelle more. He accepted this and found a mentor in his father, but he’d always be there for Sylvia whenever she needed him. He was quick to defend her feelings when Annabelle decided to stay in Connecticut and made sure to be the most perfect son to turn the tables on his sister. Like Jeremiah, Gabriel sees Sylvia at least once a week in which they go on walks, have tea and cakes, and when she pecks Gabriel’s head about finding a new wife.

— SISTER: Gabriel had a very close bond with Annabelle (who is two years younger than him) up until she decided to stay in Connecticut after finishing med school. It broke their mother’s heart and Gabriel couldn’t stand to see Sylvia so distraught and did everything he could to make her happy. He rarely speaks to her at all, but they call each other on their birthdays and on Christmas. Gabriel is far more traditional and set in his ways in comparison in Annabelle who, in his opinion, is far too much of a reckless free spirit.

— EX-WIFE: Once upon a time, she and Gabriel were madly in love. But as time went on they drifted apart; lethal secrets were revealed so a divorce was the only thing on the cards for them. They went about it in a civilised manner so things could be finalised as quickly as possible and once they were she left only to then return five years later, just after Pastor North’s disappearance investigation had been called off. She brought their secrets back with her and Gabriel had no choice but to play along or risk his almighty downfall.

EDUCATION: MD from Columbia University, NY (highest qualification)

ILLNESSES AND DISABILITIES: N/A

PERSONALITY STRENGTHS: Intelligent ; generous ; confident ; organised ; dutiful

PERSONALITY WEAKNESSES: Stubborn ; manipulative ; cunning ; meticulous ; reserved

SOCIAL STANDING IN TOWN/REPUTATION: With his position as the town’s doctor, Gabriel is an important pillar of the community. Even though his divorce was messy and caused the people of Holy Cross to take sides, people still respect and admire him for both his strong personality and his work. He was never a believer in religion of any kind, but still attended church to keep up appearances and then became more involved after his divorce.

GENERAL HISTORY: Gabriel was born into one of the more well-off families in Holy Cross with his father being a doctor and his mother a lawyer. He had a comfortable childhood, had plenty of friends, and excelled in his schoolwork. He had been a hard-worker his whole life, especially in med school where he strived to achieve top grades and an upstanding reputation.

He returned to Holy Cross after graduation and worked alongside his father until his retirement when Gabriel was 39. It was then that he singularly took over the practice and made it more efficient. He devoted the majority of his time to working and spent the rest researching and submitting papers to submit to medical journals and leading the local amateur dramatics society.

Gabriel saw his first spirit as a young boy and was convinced, despite his parents saying otherwise, that it wasn’t a dream or a fluke. He knew deep down in his own soul that what he’d seen was real. Only his parents knew of this incident and never told anyone else, out of fear of what people would do or say. It remained in the back of Gabriel’s head for the next four decades until he began to see more and more spirits…

[daybreaker123]

I’ve been told that writing down my feelings and thoughts is a good way of getting them out and helping clear some headspace and I figured this would be the best spot to do so since I’m not on this app enough anymore to warrant worrying people or have people feel like I’m trying to beg for attention, when I’m just trying to clear my head.

These last couple months have been the worst months that I’ve ever truthfully had. My family was and sometimes still is constantly at each other’s throat’s with fights that could honestly be stopped if people communicated instead of people trying to one up each other, cause I almost always have to intervene and it doesn’t do anything except make things worse.

Work has me running and doing 9-10 hour shifts a day jumping between departments because they don’t believe in staffing and everyday just gets tiresome just doing the same stuff. Get up, go to work, get bullied all day, leave, have dinner, sleep. Repeat.

I barely see my friends anymore and even when I do see them, it isn’t long enough to enjoy living in the moment cause i constantly ponder when I’ll actually see them next. I’ve lost every ambition that I’ve had. I barely enjoy gaming anymore, I barely see anyone, being around my family for so long feels like I’m pulling teeth, my social battery never goes up so I can actually enjoy being with my friends and worst of all is my love and want for drumming has diminished.

I’ve temporarily and amicably set myself as more of a regional drummer for my band rather than an official member so I can save money for a car and leave NY and it hasn’t worked. And every decision I made in regards to my positioning in the band was met with nothing but counter arguments from my family telling me I’m making mistakes and that I’m ruining what could be my future.

My relationship ended and I thought I was okay with it. I won’t give details to it cause I’m not putting personal info out there (especially without her consent) but it ended and things are amicable cause it wasn’t like it was out of ill intent. And I kept telling myself it was okay, that I was fine with it and I still am but it hurts a lot more than I lead to believe and I just don’t want her to worry about me or believe she’s to blame cause if anything, everything that spirals through my head is my own wrongdoing and downfall.

Things haven’t been going well and they keep getting worse. I keep getting worse and I just want some form of peace and I just wish I was happier again. I barely sleep, I either don’t eat or eat too much, I don’t exercise, playing music is becoming a chore. I just want to be happy again.