#it is a way for him to atone but of course that isnt enough so his body essentially punishes him because he truly hasnt repented

[saltyowlets]

I fully realized I've never shared anything of my Inquisitor here so- uh-

Medea Lavellan

Info dump below aka an excuse to talk about my Cullavellan:

A former Circle apprentice stationed at Kirkwall who tried to escape 5 times before succeeding and surviving on her own in the Free Marches. Luckily, a certain Champion of Kirkwall found her and helped her find her Dalish Clan.

Made successor to the Lavellan Keeper for her magical abilities that rivaled even the existing elven mages in the Clan

A passionate individual who cares deeply about the meaning of her role as she always felt she is in between identities, a circle mage or a Dalish apostate. Medea understands responsibility even if it does not align with her beliefs. Medea is different from a few of her peers in that because her experiences of being in a Circle and an apostate, she sees value in the ideals of a Circle even if not in practice. Mages are dangerous, she knows, but so are non mages.

As much she is pro mage, she chose to side with the Templars in fear. Knowing the fact that they may face blood mages and TIME magic, Medea decided to seek aid from the Templars in hopes they could all get to Redcliffe in time to save the mages. Of course, they did not and this choice has haunted her ever since.

On her missions, she is commonly joined by The Iron Bull, Dorian, and Varric, the team informally deemed as the Renegades.

Considering you have essentially an elven apostate, a Qunari Mercenary, a Tevintar mage, and a dwarf who may or may not have been involved in the destruction of the Kirkwall Chantry, not the best group for optics but they know how to get shit done. They have quite the close-knit bond, to the point where Medea considers them her family. They even got to name her children in the future.

Cullen romance (begrudgingly). Think enemies to lovers, but actually enemies to lovers cause they have tried to kill each other a few times in Haven. You know, the typical blood mage vs zealot templar. Or at least that's what they see each other as.

Very much a tumultuous relationship with Cullen from misunderstanding, really. Medea was fed rumors of Cullen's hand in massacuring of mage apostates (alt ending for Cullen in DAO) while Cullen believed in false reports of Medea being a blood mage, spurred by her attempted escapes. Even after rumors were proven wrong, their own differing views on the Mage and Templar conflict and an odd mix of hatred and respect still kept them both at odds.

Medea was also there to hear Cullen's infamous speech about mages, so her opinion of him was quite sour. His remaining loyalties to the Order despite joining the Inquisition gain him no favors, but Medea is not one to bite the hand that helps so she does not reject his aid... sometimes.

Eventually, they become more amicable as they work to help the Inquisition. They are both good people who truly want to help with the crisis, even if they both have different methods. Luckily, they see that in each other and their similar attitudes and demeanor helped with their growing bond. Also Cullen going on an actual redemption narrative in my canon cause Bioware refused to let us give him one and to explore his lyrium addiction as a way to cope with his guilt and how his dreams are related to his guilt than rather just his trauma.

(But that's topic for another day)

ANYWAYS Medea saw the broken man that Cullen truly was and thought, fine, I'll drag him up the stairs by the leg after Cullen has fallen down so many flights. Medea helped in his redemption and recovery, but all of that had to be from Cullen's own volition. Even managed to help him deconstruct his views on the Order and truly see the crux of the Mage rebellion. Essentially turned a libertarian into an actual protestor.

This is enemies to LOVERS so they do become a couple after Adamant. Alot of it was Medea fearing that she might never admit feelings and losing the one person who saw her as just another person who just wants to do good. So yes, confession, though it was more inane as they were very stubborn about their feelings.

They still argue at the War Table, mind you. But it's more of a courtesy and respect for one another.

Yes, Medea does disband the Inquisition cause FUCK THE CHANTRY

Hope you enjoy the info dump. I have more coming in the future because I love Medea very much.

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[crowsent]

so consider philza actually having 3 canon lives but he lost 2 before the smp plot even started

so how about an AU where techno “sbi is not canon” blade got adopted by philza when techno was in his early teens. im talking 13 to 14 years old, the rebellious teenage phase, and this lil piglin motherfucker is already almost at phil’s shoulder level and he doesnt listen to ANYONE

techno “teenage piglin who thinks he’s hot shit” blade just believes he can tank EVERYTHING. he can kill zombies, he can kill skeletons, he can kill endermen, this bastard isnt afraid of ANYTHING so of course he wouldnt listen to philza when hes told not to wander the caves at night. why the fuck should he listen to philza????? hes technoblade! he never dies!

so this lil dumbshit goes and sneaks out the house when philza’s asleep. grabs the nearest sword to the door and nothing else. armour is clanky, philza’s gonna wake up and techno’s gonna get grounded. so he just sneaks out with just a sword into the middle of the night and goes down into the caves like the rebellious lil teenage shit he is

and he gets lost

the caves are huge, he lost his bearings, and he has no idea how to get back home. he wanders around for HOURS trying to get back but he cant and his feet are getting sore and hes trying not to panic and trying even harder not to call for philza. he didnt bring any torches. its pitch black. nothing but the sound of bats, the occasional bubbling of lava, and the constant sound of mobs EVERYWHERE. every corner he turns theres a creeper, a skeleton, an enderman. and zombies. so. many. fucking. zombies. no matter how many times he beats them back, more always seem to just come from the shadows

techno “rebellious teenager” blade gets stuck at the bottom of a cave with a zombie horde

but hes fine. hes good at fighting. he can kill these zombies no problem. who gives a shit? the big ones hit harder but theyre slow and he can easily kill them with a few hits. the smaller ones are a fucking nuisance though. he tries and tries but theyre small and theyre fast and the cave is too dark and he cant see anything and hes getting swarmed

and his sword breaks

so techno picks a direction and runs, chased by a horde of tiny lil baby zombies. some with armour, some with weapons, all taking swipes at techno when he takes too long climbing up the rocks

and maybe techno finds his way to a ravine. he can see the sky up above, still dark, stars not even shining, but even if he found his way to open air, he cant get out. techno cant even fly. hes not like phil. so he climbs as best he can, little piglin hooves scraping against the rocks, trying to escape the horde of baby zombies reaching out for him. no weapon. no armour. literally defenseless

when people ask why techno instantly kills any baby zombie he sees, or why he’s so protective over phil, he just tells them that baby zombies are tougher than they look and changes the subject. phil makes a light joke out of it if he’s within earshot, but he knows the real reason, they both do

philza died

philza woke up in the middle of the night to find techno missing and IMMEDIATELY looked for him, finding him just in time in the ravine, with the lil baby zombies trying to kill him. and without hesitation, philza jumps down to protect his son and it. was. messy.

techno got out without losing a life, but philza wasnt so lucky

and that moment kind of. imprinted on techno? in many ways 1) never underestimate an enemy, even if its a tiny lil pipsqueak looking thing 2) he isnt as invincible as he thought which drove him to be more cautious/overprepare for every fight 3) philza died for him

philza is someone who was willing to lose a life to keep techno from losing one of his. even though they arent related by blood, philza loved him enough to shield him from the horrific process of respawning

and this is kind of the moment techno went “ride or die” for philza minecraft. absolute reciprocity. philza protected techno with everything he had, now techno will do the same

starting by utterly mauling the FUCK out of any and every baby zombie even remotely close to philza

techno would never say it out, but its kind of his way of apologising for that cave incident all those years ago, and as atonement for indirectly causing philza to lose one of his lives. philza tried telling him that he didnt need to do it, but techno is still a stoneheaded lil piglin shit so he never listens. its not as if he feels guilty or anything

[chikkou]

okay i was scrolling through your blog, im not a follower or anything, but i see youre passionate about the lisa series. i want your opinion on something, dingaling said that the worst character in the series is lisa, and that his least favorite is buddy. fair enough for buddy, but i think its really cruel and unfair to say lisa is worse than her father, who literally made her commit suicide. even if she treated people bad, it was marty that made her act that way. thoughts?

oh anon, i am so fucking sorry but u just awakened the fucking beast and u dont even know it LMAO

i agree that calling lisa the worst character in the series is extremely unfair given all the terrible people we encounter, and of course that she only acted the way she did because of her OWN abuser, but this is the reasoning dingaling gave when people obviously commented on this: 

and i can actually understand what he was trying to say here. calling her the “worst” is a poor choice of words and that title definitely belongs to someone like marty or bolo, but in terms of impact, lisas death is absolutely the biggest driving force behind the entire olathe universe, and almost exclusively in bad ways. to wit:

- the most obvious example is the thread of the armstrong family (specifically marty, brad, lisa, and buddy. ill get into rando separately). because of lisas suicide, brad began abusing painkillers and alcohol and became an addict. his addiction made him a terrible father to buddy, and his constant regret over lisa meant that he never really saw buddy as an entity separate from lisa. buddy doesnt even know any of this, but she knows that brad doesnt see the real her, and is probably aware to a certain extent that she is living in the shadow of a ghost.

- lisas suicide is also what drives brad to keep buddy instead of giving her to rando as a baby, as he considers her his best chance at atonement. if lisa had not died, brad would likely not have been so obsessive, and wouldve seen the benefit of giving buddy to someone who had the resources to keep her well-protected. by extension, lisas suicide is what makes him so desperate to get buddy back before the unthinkable happens, and its why he doesnt really give a second thought to mowing down innocent people just because they happen to be in his path

- speaking of rando, theres a direct correlation between lisas death and most of what happened to him. while the timeline isnt exactly clear on when things happened, it seems the most likely that brad adopted him not long before her suicide, as buzzo mutilating his face seems to have been in response to it. if lisa had not died, buzzo would have had no reason to literally scar rando for life, and brad would not have disowned/estranged him (as this was implied to be due to extreme guilt after seeing what buzzo did to him) 

- and of course, the person who was impacted by lisa the most - bernard, aka “buzzo” - wouldnt even EXIST if lisa hadnt died. now, granted, the worst things lisa actively did herself all involve buzzo: she convinced him to mutilate animals to practice amputation, then did the same with herself even though buzzo told her he didnt want to, and may or may not have been manipulating him the whole time instead of genuinely caring for him (that last point is heavily debatable, and personally i think she DID really love and trust him, but its worth mentioning nonetheless). but in my personal opinion, given what she was experiencing every single day, its really hard for me to blame her for thinking that she had no other alternative.

all that said, having buzzo mutilate her was a clear last resort to get marty to stop abusing her, and theres a strong implication that lisas suicide came very shortly after that plan failed. even though buzzo was already pretty messed up from the previously mentioned mutilations, lisas death was absolutely the catalyst that flipped him into murder/revenge mode. he blamed brad wholeheartedly for not “saving” her, and punishes him repeatedly throughout the games (by cutting randos face off, by force-feeding him joy to ensure hed mutate, by forcing him to either kill his friends or be amputated, so on and so forth). you can argue that perhaps he wouldve still “become” buzzo if he still mutilated her and she didnt kill herself, but i absolutely think that he would not have harbored nearly as much ill will toward brad if lisa had lived. that leads me to my final point, pretty much the biggest reason why i see what austin is saying, but it still pales in comparison to this:

- olathe itself probably wouldnt even exist if lisa hadnt died. her suicide was one of the major driving forces behind buzzo deciding to work with yado, and it was only because of their joint cooperation that olathe became what it is. we still dont know the exact nature of the flash, but its strongly implied that the creation and distribution of joy was a key part of the process, and that wouldnt have happened without buzzo. if lisa hadnt died, buzzo wouldnt have had any reason to work with yado at all. this means that, as an indirect cause of lisas death, all of humanity was doomed to go extinct. 

and thats what i think austin really meant, especially with that comment that “she wont ever die.” lisa is in everything, every part of olathe and every person who exists there, and they dont even know it. because of lisas trauma, and all the horrible things she had to withstand at the hands of a man, her memory becomes something of a vengeful ghost. she sticks with brad and convinces him to adopt a child he has no means of caring for and repeating the cycle of abuse. she sticks with buzzo and convinces him to punish brad for her death because he has to blame somebody, anybody for what happened to her. she sticks with buddy, who doesnt even know her name, and convinces her to take back her autonomy and her life, even if that means killing everyone in her path. i also think thats why buzzo says that lisa would have loved olathe had she lived to see it; its basically a world made to punish the same kinds of people as the person who caused her untimely death in the first place.

now, again, it can easily be debated that MARTY is actually the one with the biggest (negative) impact, since it is because of his abuse that lisa dies and that brad is severely traumatized, violent, and dealing with concurrent addictions. but hes not the direct catalyst for anything that came after the flash. he didnt kill lisa. in fact, her death is probably the last thing he wanted, fucking monster that he is - lisas suicide was one of the few things lisa got to choose for herself. and i think the fact that marty is delegated to one fairly short conversation and battle in the game proper is what clinches it for me; even though he is definitely a disgusting monster and drove a good portion of the plot, its lisa herself that has the most direct impact. so i would never call lisa the worst at fucking all, but in terms of the most widespread impact on the world as a whole? yeah, thats gotta go to lisa. theres a reason the games still bear her name, after all.

i also have some thoughts about his opinions on buddy but this is already too fucking long so im just gonna stop it here LMAO

tl;dr lisa is not the worst character at all, but has the most widespread negative impact on the world out of every character in the game

[cerullos]

this isn't really in line with the meme but what would a Good series eleven have been like? or how can series twelve turn it around/be better?

hm…………………………re: eleven, the only aspect of eleven’s personality i would change is his needless misogyny, because i don’t think that’s necessarily a “component” of eleven, so much as it is…moffat. and really this would be mostly solved by just eliminating all of the creepy, unsettling scenes where rory and the doctor are mutually possessive over amy or collude somehow in treating her like an object (e.g. vampires of venice when rory thanks the doctor for being needlessly cruel to amy and patronizing her like a child, or when eleven is supposedly only allowed to hug amy for a certain amount of time with rory’s permission lmao and don’t even get me started on the girl who waited). i wouldn’t change some of eleven’s worst tendencies (like his constant, prolonged lies–keeping the ring and rory’s existence from amy in S5, the doppelganger and mystery pregnancy fiasco in S6, etc.) or eleven’s selfishness in valuing amy at least in part for how much she blindly adores him, or even “never let him see the damage. and never, ever let him see you age” and all the kind of hideous implications that come with it. i don’t think eleven is…a good man, and i find that interesting, especially in relation to ten (although the 50th imo horribly wasted that dynamic, which had so much more to give). i like the basic concept of ten in his endless compassion, burdening himself with so much pain that the doctor regenerates into a man who is as equally as selfish as he is loving, who does his best to forget and bury his mistakes instead of acknowledging and atoning for them. 

my issue is literally just that amy isn’t treated as an equal of eleven’s! even putting aside the obvious power imbalance of amy idolizing eleven from childhood, their basic, everyday interactions are weighed so heavily against amy it’s almost painful to watch at times. one way to solve this would be to emphasize and acknowledge the flaws (eleven’s) i mentioned earlier. eleven’s selfishness is alluded to in episodes like the god complex, but always in a way that empathizes with him and absolves him, rather than highlighting amy’s perspective and the ways in which his selfish actions negatively effect her. even when eleven feels pain it isn’t the same as when, say, ten does because eleven always has a loophole…he’s always a hundred steps of everyone else (amy included).

i mean, look at pandorica opens/big bang…rory is furious (rightfully so, obviously) when eleven basically implies amy’s life doesn’t “matter” in the grand scheme of things, but we later find out he’s only saying this because he’s traveling from a future point in time when amy is already alive again and fine. even when he “dies” at the end of big bang, we later learn he knew all along that amy would be able to remember him back into existence. there are no stakes for eleven, he’s too absurdly smart for any to exist. one of the only times he faces consequences is when he loses amy permanently in angels take manhattan, and that’s telling enough in itself. 

compare this w/ clara who’s constantly given teachable moments with twelve even opportunities to outthink twelve! an episode like, say, flatline could never exist with eleven and amy, the dynamic as it is couldn’t support it…eleven beholden to amy, amy acting as undisputed leader. and i’m not saying that amy isn’t smart because she is, and there’s tangible proof of that–but not smarter than eleven–never, not even for a second. that’s the conceit of eleven as a character, untouchable god “the doctor in the tardis, next stop everywhere.” eleven doesn’t defer to amy because it would literally break his character to do so and that imo is the greatest failing of their dynamic. 

the other, obviously, is that amy isn’t given the means to fight back when eleven disrespects or belittles her…and this is just another side of the same coin. amy’s anger is deliberately framed as kind of…impotent. moffat likes the idea of amy as a “spitfire,” but when push comes to shove it’s always expected that she’ll fall into line when the doctor demands it. it’s played for laughs that amy ignores him and does as she pleases (and she does, when the two of them are on friendly terms–like in vincent and the doctor when eleven orders her not to follow) but in life-or-death moments when amy’s life is at stake, she isn’t even allowed to question the doctor’s authority. it’s supposed to be funny when the doctor tells amy to shut up when she says she’s afraid she’s going to die. if rory were to pull that on her, can you imagine how she would react? but moffat deliberately declaws amy around the doctor, and the implications of that are…really unsettling, if you would rather not just attribute it to virulently misogynistic writing (which it also is, of course). clara and twelve have big blowout fights and yet this is pretty starkly absent from eleven and amy’s relationship…she may snipe at him from time to time, but overwhelmingly amy is expected to roll her eyes and huff and storm off and listen. eleven is barely given reason to feel guilty on these occasions, let alone confront or regret his actions. because, again: eleven cannot be wrong. and a doctor that cannot be wrong…inherently has no need of a companion. i mean, think of what donna says to ten: "i think sometimes you need somebody to stop you.” how many times has amy been empowered to successfully “stop” eleven from doing anything, ever. 

the tl;dr on this is that amy needs so much more agency in their relationship than she was given (but what else is new, she needs more agency throughout her run in almost ever aspect of it). i think…there are elements of something really beautiful in their relationship–and amy does love him without qualifications, which is more than can be said of rory, obviously, even if it’s largely because of what eleven represents for her. i think there are moments where eleven regards amy with a kind of reverence, which we see similarly with twelve and clara later, and it’s…touching. if they had expanded on that thread, it might have grown into something that equaled amy’s childhood adoration of eleven–maybe into something that would prompt eleven to value amy’s input a little bit more than he ever seemed to in canon. there’s a lot there that’s good (the basic template is peter and wendy, and i could not possibly love that more if i tried), but the execution is…really poor, really deeply tainted by moffat’s misogyny and it favors eleven to a ridiculous extent. there’s always that sense of discomfort, like the whole relationship is skewed by how imbalanced it is and how frequently amy’s suffering is exploited to fuel eleven’s rage and grief despite the fact that he can’t seem to bring himself to even respect her as a person half the time. 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

on FUCKING kissing. and other shit

i’m still just. as bowled over as i knew i’d be about getting to have the triumphant nice gay kiss of resolution. like, i dont think i’ve seen that in any movies ive watched. not that many of them like, have a gay mc in the first place. usually you maybe have a couple peripheral side cast gays w a lil subplot and they get to say “i love you” or something. idk. or for some reason whats up with dramas where like, the initial Gay Encounter w kissing is often also a sexual encounter which is fine but the point is its like “oh, wow drama” right. and then the bit where they maybe manage to actually come together is like, too solemn for kissing? its also fine to have other moments of physical intimacy besides kissing, thats fantastic tbh. and i can’t say “wow what a trend in Major Releases W Gay Love Stories At The Core” because there’s not enough fuckin data for any real trends. but anyways maybe the ol Finally They Kiss thing is more seen as a like, ~romance genre~ thing rather than serious movies. idk. anyways getting sidetracked

my point is i think thats the first movie Gay Kiss Of Resolution that i can remember seeing. and it gets me, man. it hits me hard. i’m like. electric. not just because its like “wow this is a new one for me” obvs but because i’m gay and i like things that are very gay and very sweet and cute and that was all of that. so much in that film was ferociously endearing. like, thank god for gay love getting to be charming and nice and lighthearted and even exuberant. yeah babye

and for the past couple months ive been thinking on twitter threads about ppl who were Gay Teens Coming Out years and years ago who went to see the film w a parent or other sort of relation and it prompted a discussion where the parent is like. when you came out, was it bad? was i very bad about it? and they said how the answer was well, kinda, yeah. and getting to have this whole talk about a decade or so after the fact, because the movie shows such earnest support, and the recognition of the failing of anything less than the fullest kind of support.

like honestly i liked a lot that like, the issue wasn’t that simon was particularly worried about rejection, or some terrible kind of abuse or violence like gay kids who had to keep it a secret because their parents might even have pulled shit like kicking out a gay kid, like implying they’d even kill them if they’re gay. and he wasn’t exactly worried about like, hate crimes or anything either. because its not like the Awful kind of homophobic reaction isnt a concern anymore, but it isnt to everyone, and it wasnt always to everyone. its not even accurate to say that noncishet people prior to like the late 20th century always were rejected, always were closeted, always were miserable. there’s all kinds of stories and it’s nice to hear all kinds of them. like, the Gay Tragedy was as we know the only way to get a gay story of any kind past the rigid catholic moral guide for Film back in the day, and not so shocking that thats the kind of gay story that tends to be most palatable to the heterosexuals. and they have, what, like atonement and shit or something? and yet also i’m not saying that tragic gay stories should be off limits, or dramas, or anything. just that of course movies are limited to Bury Your Gays, Kill The Trans Kid, Show The Tragedy Of Not Being Cishet Coz That’s What’s Gritty And Real And I’m Okay With Them If They Die. we deserve every genre and plot structure. it would improve all of them.

anyhow like i was sort of getting to. i really appreciate how simon like, isn’t ashamed of being gay, isn’t in denial about it, isn’t afraid of his parents or friends or community finding out, doesnt feel particularly endangered re the idea, but still feels like he can’t. i really liked the bit where he upsets his sister cuz he’s so fuckin stressed about having just been outed and his privacy invaded in front of his whole damn school but he’s like super conflicted about like, why would i be upset at being out, why would i be ashamed just because i didnt come out before, etc etc. and i liked that he felt his coming out to his parents went badly just b/c it was a bit awkward. because the small issues are just as big a deal, people wanna act like the defining part of being gay is a certain level of agony. and so you get ppl questioning if love, simon is “necessary,” like a gay protag has to be justified for the technical benefits it might afford, like if its not about suicide or self loathing or ostracization or violence or being disowned or etc etc, its not REALLY about being gay, and it can’t possibly help gay kids because its just unrealistic. because even if you have worse problems, seeing an overall happy gay love story where he gets the guy and has all the support of family and friends and community put out there will just be meaningless to you. and obviously its just as pointless to argue that this is the be all and end all of gay films, like we only needing ONE gay romcomdrom type film, we only need ONE gay y.a. movie, this is THE gay film for those categories now people, it’s over. like jesus we’re owed so many. give us the nondystopian y.a. movies back, and make em gay!!! GAY

anyways what is the point? i like that it was shown its difficult to come out even if you only expect “small” bad issues, because even having to have the smallest fear that the people in your life will think less of you, or love you less, or see you as any bit of a disappointment or flawed, is really fucked up and difficult. like i said, it was way too real when simon was just a bit uncomfortable when his dad made just a bit uncomfortable gay jokes. i like that he felt fucked up over being outed even though he wasn’t necessarily ashamed of being gay. and i mean i know part of it was that he was afraid that the other guy was gonna get scared off since that was being exposed too, but i liked that element also, because of the tension between the joy of getting to like...Be Gay with a guy you like and enjoy it, but also know that the whole thing is tenuous and uncertain and you’re both a bit afraid and the whole thing might crumble at any moment because it’s not easy to take “privately being gay” into it being everyones business and public knowledge. because even the little shit you have to deal with is a concern, and even in the most “it’s probably totally okay” situations, you don’t KNOW that its okay, because homophobia is still the default even amongst like. the libs who think they’re totally not homophobic.

and plus yknow the whole thinking you’ll be treated different thing. like coming out is going to HAVE to be some Big Deal and you’ll have to be imposing something on everyone who knows you when really you’re just being the fuck yourself. and the idea that suddenly everyone’s gonna be uncomfortable with you or think you’re someone else or just look at you different because they were cool with you when they thought you were straight. and anyways

also i seriously forget the dude’s real name but i love that it was the first guy simon thought might be blue. damn i know they said it like fifty times in that one scene lol...but anyways yknow i’m like “hmm walking in on him maybe messing around with a girl could just be Gay Crisis shit yknow” and it was and thats kinda fun lol. like, i’ve read some fics in my day!! that is not a nail in the coffin!!

anyways what i want to say is getting a sweet triumphant gay kiss scene is just. so fucking beautiful for the soul. i’m fuckin reveling in it. now that ive been writing about it for half an hour i should go ahead and try to get my rewatch in, right. yeah

[scuttleboat]

If you're still up for it, i'm curious if you have any thoughts on what Bellamy's overall journey will be this season? Aside from, y'know, his whole (imo, unnecessary) redemption arc.

note: written after 406 

I think we’re in the middle of it, and one of the things that has been somewhat frustrating is that it’s kind of muddy what either Clarke or Bellamy’s character arcs are going to be. We’re halfway through, but neither of them have developed much or changed much since 403.  Octavia’s loss seemed like it would be significant but we still don’t know what the fallout will be for Bellamy.

Redemption in The 100

The concept of redemption is something that I think we as viewers have been hashing over since the first truly terrible things began to happen in season 2. We ask: 

Do these characters need to be redeemed? 

Is a redemption happening on screen?  

Even if we (the fans) may not think a “redemption arc” is required to like a character’s storyline, does that character themselves feel that they need to be redeemed in order to sleep at night?

What are the benchmarks of a “redemption arc” anyway, since it’s a thing that everyone talks about, yet seems to mean radically different things to different viewers.

Do we measure it by the religious ideas of penitence, atonement, etc? Or is there a pop fiction criteria for redemption that is unique to media, such as ‘feeling bad and doing something good so that the viewers are okay rooting for you again’?

Is a “redemption” possible in the accelerated timeline of the show, since on other series such a thing spans seasons or even the run of a series?

Why is everyone so sure that redemption arcs are happening or necessary?

And the one that gets to me:

Does the show even care about redemption as a storytelling trope, or is it enough in this world just to change one’s behavior?

That’s the one i think about a lot, wrt to characters like Bellamy, Lexa, Clarke, Kane, Jaha… who I’ll draw on since they’re some of the people with the highest body counts who are POV characters. With Clarke, she was devastated after 216, and she disappeared into the woods for 3 months. I think it was a conversation I had with @reblogginhood (so informative! she knows things.) last year about whether this period of forced isolation (similar to her year in the skybox) was her atonement for the deaths she allowed or caused in season 2.  In that case, her guilt was such that she seemed to need to punish herself, and the timeline of the series allowed for it.  

Lexa is a different case altogether: she tried to slaughter the kids at the dropship, she betrayed her allies and left them to be cannibalized, including the person she was falling in love with.  And yet, Lexa never displayed any indicators that she was undergoing a redemption arc, or even that she felt obligated to undergo one. I don’t think betraying Skaikru was a light decision for her by any means, and I think when she decided to protect them in s3 that it was a genuine move. Yet she never wept for the loss of life she caused, she never broke down and screamed and cried over her guilt…it wasn’t even clear that she felt any guilt at all. Responsibility yes, guilt no. She was a divine king doing what she need to protect her realm.  

Kane is another character who seems to feel, like Clarke, that atonement is required for ill deeds. He tries to sacrifice himself at the end of season 1, but Jaha “beats him to it”.  So Kane submits himself to the enemy in a dangerous self-sacrificing gesture in season 2, as his way to atone. That can be read as his redemption… maybe. Or is his redemption not the sacrifices, but actually the acts of good works that followed later? Was Kane’s redemption (for being part of a tyrranical Ark government) actually the choice to become a leader who acts in good faith, wisdom, and honor? Maybe he’s living that redemption every day, doing his best.

So maybe a character either thinks they need to atone or they don’t, what does “the narrative” think?  HA. TRICK QUESTION.  No one knows but JR and it’s up to us to read it and think it over. Fuck JR, go with “death of the author” if you want. In fact, I want to throw 2 definitions out here before I continue. These are, of course, overly simplistic explanations for complex theological and philosophical concepts, but it might help:

atonment - noun

satisfaction or reparation for a wrong or injury; amends.

(sometimes initial capital letter) Theology. the doctrine concerning the reconciliation of God and humankind, especially as accomplished through the life, suffering, and death of Christ.

Archaic. reconciliation; agreement.

redemption - noun

an act of redeeming or atoning for a fault or mistake, or the state of being redeemed.

deliverance; rescue.

Theology. deliverance from sin; salvation.

atonement for guilt.

recovery by payment, as of something pledged.

For a lot of fans on a show this violent and this philosophical, there’s been discussion that a redemption comes “too soon” or isn’t “earned” if there isnt an act of atonement. Or sometimes people say the word “redemption” but they seem to be discussing atonement instead. paying for it, making amends, etc.  And often people talk as if the only way to “be redeemed” is by suffering.  There’s also, however, the concept that redemption comes through good works.  That we make amends for our misdeeds by choosing to do better. There are some acts that are too big to atone for, or there’s no one left to make amends to, and in that case one has to look instead to changing one’s behavior.  Making the choice to change.

And that’s brings me to Bellamy this season… [read more below the cut]

In 401 Kane told Bellamy to take it one day at a time (paraphrasing). Instead of obsessing about the past, make sure you do the right thing going forward, and this will ‘save’ you. While I know the Kane speech didn’t land well with everyone, in the abstract it’s a pretty well travelled philosophical idea. [[I don’t have the education to really get into it, but it’s a big part of some Christian dogma, for sure. I don’t have any education in Judaism but since JR is religious I’m sure that may factor in. And it’s part of American culture, which is where I (raging atheist) have absorbed it by osmosis.]]  When it comes to Bellamy’s character in season 4, especially with regards to a possible redemption… I think Bellamy wants very badly to atone. I think he has wanted that since 311-313 when he finally accepted that his actions were wrong according to his moral perspective. 

However, Bellamy is a very practical person. He doesn’t have time to run into the woods and atone in silent suffering. He doesn’t have time to go on a quest into the desert with 12 disciples looking for the promised land. Bellamy is cognizant of the immediate danger to his loved ones, so he’s going to act to protect them before he’s going to think about indulging in huge dramatic gestures of his sadness. Haters might want him to suffer but that’s just not realistic for this show. The most he can afford right now is to try to talk about his feelings (like to Riley and Echo in 405) or to put others before himself (like not wanting to be on the survivor list). There’s also the pressing matter that even if Bellamy were to do a big sacrificial gesture to atone and to earn redemption through suffering… that won’t help his sister live, and making sure Octavia survives matters a hell of a lot more to Bellamy than his self-image.

So is Bellamy going through a “redemption arc” right now?  Maybe. I don’t think he’s going through atonement, but I do think he’s trying to make wiser choices each day. I think he’s committing, as best he can, to save as many people he can each day (402), and he’s hoping that he’ll find some distant redemption by doing that. (if he’s even consciously thinking of it in those terms, which isn’t at all canon spoken, btw, so he might not be. He’s not trained in ethics or theology.)

What I think Bellamy is going through this season so far is a guilt arc.  He was in it for the back half of season 3, and he’s still in it. As things stand right now, I would like to think that his speech to Useless Riley in 405 was a wrap-up fo that. I felt guilt was pretty appropriate in 3B and starting season 4, since the writers have been trying to write their way back from their dumbfuck execution of his arc in 3a, but if he stays mired guilt for all season 4… that’s pretty one-note. I’m ready for that part of his character to move to the backburner. Not go away (lol this is The 100 after all), but no longer be the first bullet point on his character sheet every episode. I was with it up to a couple weeks ago, but this is mid season now!  I get it, Bellamy feels guilty.  Cool beans, BUT WHAT ELSE?  It’s definitely time for the writers to give him more to do emotionally.  As it is, though, I don’t think the show will let Bellamy move on until they let Octavia move on. That’s how it goes with the Blake siblings– when Octavia forgives Bellamy, he’ll be more able to forgive himself.  And that’s a totally fucked up thing to hinge one’s personal development on someone else…but these are the Blakes. They have a fucked up relationship. And before anyone asks, I’m not gonna get into whether it’s likely for Octavia to have or need a redemption arc because she’s is still in her emotional descent, and we don’t know what the other side is gonna be yet. Her collapse is in process.

To circle back around… I think one could make a really sound argument that  some characters see redemption as necessary (Clarke, Abby) and others don’t (Lexa, Murphy). So I don’t personally think that @the100writers feel it’s necessary every time. I think they’ve written a whole cast of people doing bad things, and some of those people are going to feel they have to make up for their mistakes, while others don’t. Whether or not that matches with what fans want to believe about their faves (Bellamy, Lexa, Murphy, Clarke) is always going to be up in the air.  IMO, it’s in-character for Bellamy to want to make amends, but it’s a fact of their world that he doesn’t have the opportunity. So he’s doing what he can one day at a time. Whether or not other fans think his actions require guilt or amends–and whether or not such things are being successfully shown on screen–is down to how we each interpret the show, and what unique circumstances we bring to our viewing experiences. In that vein, macro perspectives about whether giving a particular storyline to a particular character is an act of contributing to sex- or race-biased storytelling is also going to hugely depend on what what each viewer brings to the table, because not all of us see the same patterns at work.  And it runs into the storytelling reality that characters in spotlight roles means that they’re going to be faced with conflicts, negative circumstances, and ethical dilemmas. There’s supposedly no good guys on this show, so that means all of our faves are gonna do–and endure–terrible things.  Kill the idea that anyone here is a cupcake.*  People are going to die and people are going to kill, even people we think should be portrayed as noble or good. So it’s up to each viewer to look critically at a work of fiction, and talk about it, while at the same time understanding that at the end of the day no individual show or book or film is going to be everything we want, politically.  Whether or not we keep watching when a personal line is crossed is up to each of us to decide.

btw I think a lot of my opinions here about Bellamy’s s4 arc have been shaped by discussion I’ve had this season with other fans, so thanks for talking to me about Bellamy angst. Especially @mego42 and @storyskein and @velvet-tread, and more.  Talking to y’all is enlightening and makes me reconsider things all the time.