#it is a very specific form of hell i think. alas. also what the fuck is with my diction lol

[came0dust]

frankly i like the things i learned while making this more than the result itself and i wasnt really sure i even wanted to post it in part due to that but if i do keep iterating on the process i used during it, i feel this is valuable context

oh also before i forget: the sketch was done using this brush instead of the one i made earlier

[toon-topaz]

HIII so basically i am obsessed with your vampire if. I've never even had a specific fixation on vampires lol but i LOVE the idea of giving subaru even more reason to be paranoid of the people around him!!! :D ALSO ALSO the trauma of being killed by vampires?? beings he idolises?? Something else he'll probably have a breakdown about yay!!! ^^ ANYWAY if you don't mind me asking how do you think him being human would affect his relationships with others who know/don't know?? Like in canon he's already an incomprehensible weirdo but now that he's ACTIVELY trying to hide something do those not in the know suspect/distrust him even more?? For those that DO know how do they feel about it?? Do they have to like. Actively cover up for him when he slips up?? Does the shared secret bring them closer?? e.g., in Pristella haha what do you mean its suspicious that you've never seen Natsuki eat?? Now that i think about it since Emilia's been established as a subpar liar its probably Otto who has to save Subarus human ass lol assuming he's eventually told as a part of his camp. Sorry for the uncomfortably detailed ask lmao ur au just grabbed me by the throat and wouldn't let go!!

Oh please don't apologize, I am absolutely delighted to be getting interest in my silly little au :D

I’ll try my best to answer all your questions but feel free to ask more or just throw in some ideas of your own hehe, either in reblogs or DMs I don’t mind.

So yes absolutely he will be having many breakdowns about it on top of your usual “stuck in a timeloop of death” breakdowns lol. He learns very quick why being in a world full of vampires is absolutely not fun, and to be fair he did sort of assume he’d get turned at some point and get to live as one. Alas, he’s simply too fragile to withstand the process, if he even gets that far before just dying of blood loss. He’s very tasty.

His relationships with everyone are made even more complex than they already are by the fact that they could straight up kill him if they pick him up wrong. He has to walk on eggshells and he hates it, and so do they. He’s trying so hard to be a tough masculine man like his father, hell he likes being all rough and tumble and play fighting and all that, but he just can’t. Back home he was at least fairly fit and resilient but here, in comparison to everyone else (even the village children)? He feels utterly worthless, and it absolutely starts to skew his sense of self. Was he ever even that athletic? Has he always been so breakable, or is it just that everyone here is superhuman? It’s not even limited to just Reinhard or Garfiel anymore, it’s everyone, including random thugs. The malnutrition from a lack of a balanced diet in the first few months aren’t helping his physical state, nor is the insomnia.

It isn’t helped by the fact that after just a couple loops, he’s legitimately quite afraid of his friends and enemies alike. He doesn’t hold a candle to them, and if any of them were so inclined to harm him, if they suddenly became hostile (he’s carrying a LOT of miasma, AND his human blood is like ambrosia to pretty much every vampire), there would be quite literally nothing he could do to stop him. And the only failsafe he has is rewinding time a bit to try and stop whatever happened from happening this time.

His developing brain is pretty much fucked, because while he’s terrified of his friends he still loves them all so very much, even the ones who have actually killed, maimed, tortured and/or eaten him. The idea of love in his mind goes hand in hand with fear and pain, and there’s no separating it at this point, which leaves him at once incredibly wary and paranoid, and paradoxically very susceptible to manipulation. He can’t hold it against them, if they get a whiff of his blood they can’t help it, no matter how many nights he spends awake and trembling under his covers. The only one he doesn’t fear like this is Beatrice, because she isn’t a vampire. Once they form their contract he at least has someone to hold onto and keep an eye on the door for him. Beatrice swears she won’t let anything get him in his sleep, and she means it.

The one boon all this has given him, if you can call it that, is that it’s turned him into a VERY good liar. He’s much better at improvising a cover story than his canon counterpart, even able to keep track of multiple lies at once. He allows himself to be a bit more open with his own camp, who all are informed eventually, and with a little bit of help from resident fraud expert Otto, he’s able to have a fully crafted and rehearsed backstory, paperwork and all. He’s only this weak because he’s afflicted with a chronic sickness that stunts his vampiric powers. Yes, it’s permanent, it’s a family curse. Don’t worry about how there’s no records of such a disease existing outside of this one certificate that definitely wasn’t forged.

The constant lying is isolating, but at least this secret is one he keeps on purpose, for a very good reason. At least it’s not something he physically cannot talk about lest he and his loved ones be violently punished, like that other thing. Thanks Satella.

As for how everyone else feels about this, I’ve mostly detailed it in that other post (that I have a followup reblog to in the works I promise), I can link it in the replies if you haven’t seen it.

The whole Priestella thing would be VERY funny though, and by funny I mean horrifying, because these damned Archbishops are even scarier now. I haven’t yet thought about how Dragon’s Blood would affect him differently but man it sure is fun to think about.

Anyways yea that’s my brain dump for now uwu, hope you enjoyed and again, don’t be afraid to start a conversation I love to chat

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 304: The Council of OFA

Previously on BnHA: Hawks and Best Jeanist were all, “what up Todofam, we are here to apply for the positions of ‘son #4’ and ‘weird uncle’, respectively,” and then proceeded to insert themselves into the family drama without waiting for an answer. Hawks briefed Endeavor on the nation’s current status of “totally fucked”, promised to help him sort that out, and then asked him about OFA. Endeavor was all, “oh do you mean One For All, the mysterious thing that my intern Deku was apparently being targeted for?” and then we cut away, presumably before Endeavor could clarify that it never occurred to him to follow up on that, and Hawks was all “no of course not, why would it occur to anyone other than me to follow up on any of this super weird and ominously important shit.” Anyway so meanwhile Bakugou was all “LET ME SCREAM AT DEKU UNTIL HE WAKES UP” and the other kids were all “NO”, and then the chapter ended with All Might being all “I wonder what the vestige!me is currently chatting with Deku about.”

Today on BnHA: Deku drops in on the Vestiges, who are all “sup Deku, how do you like our fancy chairs.” OFA II and III are all “if you need us we’ll just be standing here silently in the corner pretending to be invisible and sparking endless discourse with our mere existence.” OFA IV is all “and now I will explain to you in a very convoluted way that you being quirkless was actually a good thing, since it means that you are probably not going to suddenly drop dead at the age of twenty. But also you’re probably going to be the last user of OFA for that very same reason.” Deku is all “that is wild. I’m just gonna stand here and stare at my hand.” Nana is all “so now that that’s settled could you please do me a small favor and kill my grandson for me”, because having just one topic to discourse about this week WASN’T ENOUGH, apparently. Thanks so much Horikoshi.

(ETA: okay so just a note before I start, this week’s RHA translation was a huge mess, so I followed up this chapter by reading a couple of other translations. the main one I’m using for reference is the one by @hanashimas​, whose weekly posts I highly recommend. anyway so you’ll see a couple of ETAs in this post in places where the initial translation was off.)

how many layers of bandages did they wrap this poor kid’s fucking hand in omg

jesus Deku. are you holding onto a bouquet of flowers under that thing?? or a tennis racket??

omg yes, finally

is he reading these names off a teleprompter lol. and if so, what has Jeanist ever done to slight you, Deku? “god bless Kacchan and Aizawa-sensei and Todoroki-kun and everyone else in the whole wide world... except for Best Jeanist. fuck that guy.” actually this joke would be funnier if half of tumblr didn’t legit feel that way lol but anyway

OH MY GOD

I NEED TO HAVE A TALK TOO. ABOUT, OH, EVERYTHING

I got immediate KHR vibes from ALL OF THIS. this is seriously such a Vongola aesthetic. “let’s use the luxuriously cushioned chairs with the seat backs that are ten feet high, and arrange all of the handsome ghost people in a big circle” like come on

that said there are also some slight LoTR vibes as well. “bring forth the ring, Deku”

I like how Six is sitting there with his feet drawn up all casual, but with his arms inexplicably sticking STRAIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF HIM and dangling over his knees like he’s doing some sort of zombie walk

apparently the Fourth wasn’t a big fan of shoes huh

interesting that All Might is the only one who’s still faint/indistinct, and and that Two and Three are fully visible

(ETA: the rest of my speculation about Two and Three has been moved into a separate post, the better to focus on the shit that’s actually happening in this chapter lol.)

and lastly, interesting that all of them are talking now, except for All Might (and I guess the Second and Third as well). to the best of my knowledge Deku hasn’t unlocked the Sixth’s quirk yet, so I guess the quirks don’t really have anything to do with it

oh and it looks like Deku’s mouth is still covered. I guess that’s convenient for the vestiges since we all know it’s hard to stop Deku once he gets going. but on the other hand it’s very inconvenient for people like me who wanted to see some interaction. alas

so First says that OFA’s power has grown a lot in the last four months (i.e. since Deku unlocked Blackwhip), and now the vestiges can communicate with each other as well as Deku

so even when Deku’s not around they can all just chill with each other. this is such a weird thing to me lol. like it’s cool, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also strange as hell to know that you’ve got eight other people hanging out in your head spying on everything you do and having conversations with each other about it. it would be like if Dark Shadow had someone to hang out with other than Tokoyami. good thing you weren’t triplets, Tokoyami

First says that it’s become easier for the vestiges to interact with Deku ever since TomurAFO barged into the OFA Domain back at Jakku. huh

(ETA: apparently this is because AFO forcibly pulled out OFA’s power when he was trying to steal the quirk, so I guess that makes sense.)

okay thank you Banjou for addressing this concern which I initially brought up as a joke, but which was apparently real enough for you to reassure Deku about

“don’t worry, even though we’re awake and hanging out inside of you at all times, we’re definitely not secretly watching and making fun of every single thing you do” hmmmmm

(ETA: “not that you could do anything about it even if we were, since you’re probably going to be the last OFA holder ever!” I don’t trust anything this asshole says lmao.)

OH SHIT??

YESSS DEKU now you can hold them accountable for all of their bullshit! because I do not doubt that there will be bullshit lol but let’s see how that goes

oh damn

well okay then. you didn’t have to stand up and walk over to him and loom all threateningly like that but okay sir

this guy has kind of a Kimimaro vibe to him. remember? that bone-growing guy from Naruto? except I’m pretty sure he had eyebrows. and wasn’t twenty feet tall. speaking of which, that explains the chairs

why are you wearing only 3/5ths of a shirt

lol what

someone’s gonna have to explain this to me. is he just redundant or something lol, or is he strangely poetical or what

(ETA: apparently HE’S MAKING A PUN omg. I immediately gained +10 love for him lol. also it flows a lot better in Japanese. this is one of the things Caleb is usually good at, so we’ll see what he does with the wordplay.)

omg the hermit theory is true!!

“I’M NOT WEIRD, IT’S SOCIETY WHICH IS WEIRD.” lol whatever you say buddy. also love how Banjou tried to give him a big hearty slap on the back but Hermit Boy was not having it lmao

IS HE TRYING TO CAPTURE HIM WITH BLACKWHIP

AND ACTUALLY, NO, SIR, AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE ARE NOT AWARE. SO SPILL!!

?!!?

okay my first response was LOL ARE YOU SERIOUS, THAT’S THE BIG SECRET!? -- and then it hit me what the significance of “died from old age... AT AGE FORTY” meant. at which point it was like “!!!!!” and then “OH, SHIT”

(ETA: there’s also an Iida joke here somewhere but I’m just too tired to make it.)

oh my god oh my god

did he somehow get a copy of the coroner’s report or something? like how does he even know that he died from “old age” as opposed to any number of other natural causes? ??

but anyway. so this is the quirk singularity coming into play then I guess. but then how come All Might is still alive and ticking?

(ETA: so this is one example of where this week’s translation is a mess lol. apparently the Fourth explains here that he didn’t know what the fuck he died from until All Might researched it. and it turns out there actually was an autopsy lol so there you go.)

so Fourth says he held OFA for eighteen years, and since he knew he would never be strong enough to defeat AFO on his own he basically just spent all his time punching rocks in the woods and training to power the quirk up

oh shit

is he implying that his body literally fell apart?? like that’s how he got the scars on his face? -- IS THAT WHAT KEEPS HAPPENING TO TOMURA, THEN. oh shit

DUDE

so you’re telling me that this quirk actively shortens the lifespan of anyone who uses it?? and my little boy here has had it now for a year already?? fuck me, I have immediately have a TON of thoughts about all this but let me save it until he’s done with his explanation

THANK YOU, DEKU

right?? how come All Might didn’t die then. even after he got injured. please don’t tell me he actually is dying still and is just being slow about it because I SWEAR TO GOD

what does this mean??

so what you’re trying to say is you all have NO FUCKING IDEA how long Deku’s gonna be able to hold this quirk before he SUDDENLY DROPS DEAD?! five generations ago this dude was able to hold it for eighteen years, and then four generations later All Might was able to hold it for thirty-odd years or so, and now Deku has it and you all have no clue which way it’s gonna go? actually this makes it sound like it really wasn’t OFA that killed the Fourth at all and you guys are just really bad at forming hypotheses. but since you’re making a big plot point out of it I guess it must be true

and don’t think I didn’t notice the part where you said you didn’t have OFA very long and then “died while fighting”, Firsto. I want to hear more about that. specifically who you passed the quirk onto before your death

and yes, if we are agreeing that OFA was the cause of the Fourth’s death, then the conclusion on this next page is the natural one to draw

so that’s a bit of a relief then, because Deku is quirkless too. so it means he won’t be able to hold OFA forever (and will probably have to find another quirkless person to pass it on to), but at least he won’t be randomly dying out of the blue next Tuesday or something

oh my god now he’s talking about OFA and AFO and user consciousnesses and all sorts of good theory stuff but it’s so much exposition. you’re really gonna make me read all this lol

wait what. why would All Might being quirkless have anything to do with the presence of his vestige in OFA Outer Space Party Land

but Deku is also quirkless and he’s clearly visible and chatting with you guys. so what gives. like how much of this is verified fact and how much of it is you guys just shrugging and making stuff up lol

SERIOUSLY, GUYS

BUT DEKU IS ALSO -- you know what, never mind sob. none of this shit makes any sense but whatever

(ETA: seriously, this all seems like an awful lot of speculation on their part. for Deku’s sake I sure hope they’re right.)

FSSKDJFLSKLKJLKJL ALL MIGHT IS FIFTY-FIVE?!

lol that’s a full ten years past my closest estimate, wow. but this pretty much confirms his age now at last! or at least confirms it within a couple of years, because we know All Might and Nana met when he was in middle school, and he presumably had the quirk by the time he took the U.A. entrance exam. so yeah. gonna go with fifty-five

so they think that because All Might was quirkless, OFA was better able to adapt to his body and became his true quirk, as opposed to being an extra quirk that stacked on top of the one he already had and overwhelmed him. ties in back to the whole “AFO used to bend people to his will by forcing quirks on them” thing, as well as the “Noumus are all mindless because of the strain of having multiple quirks”

Two and Three are really ruining the serious vibe of this scene here lol

they look like they’re doing the counting for hide and seek

and is this Deku talking now? I was about to get mad at First for implying that quirkless people are somehow freaks, as opposed to “normal” people jdslk

so in other words, don’t go giving it to your best friend all casually for shits and giggles, Deku. even if it would make a really cool climax for a movie. well shit. maybe that’s why they were so quick to nope back into Deku’s body afterward

so First says that because quirkless people are becoming rarer and rarer, the fact that All Might just happened to stumble upon Deku is “nothing short of a miracle.” which, yeah, that was definitely a stroke of luck there. being quirkless saved his life. but being quirkless is also part of why he was chosen in the first place, and we’ve always known that much

“in other words, kiddo...”

looks like there was some hurried clone stamp usage going on here lol. but props to RHA as always for putting this scan out so fast, especially given how exposition-heavy this week’s chapter has been

“anyways, that was the main topic” ARE YOU SERIOUS. there are like ten other topics imma need you all to get to here, people

(ETA: seems like this is a mistranslation; the line should actually read something more along the lines of “and now for the main topic.”)

FFFFFFFFF

“ENJOY YOUR CLIFFHANGER THIS WEEK.” dskfalkjlkjwlgkjl you really went and dumped this discourse on us yet again. fucking...

(ETA: forgot to mention, but as several people mentioned, this seems to be another mistranslation -- rather than asking Deku to kill Tomura as though it’s doing her a personal favor, Nana is asking “will you be able to do it.” in other words more of an “are you capable of doing it” type of thing. which is a very reasonable question to ask given that Deku is, well, Deku.)

anyways, and the answer is obviously going to be “no” of course. this isn’t going to end any differently than when the previous Avatars all told Aang to kill Ozai. but I guess it means we’re in for a fun conversation next week

so Nana looks pretty grim here though (nothing at all like the person who once taught All Might the importance of saving people with a smile), and I’m wondering if this means she believes that her grandson is already beyond saving. as in killing him would be a mercy, as opposed to him continuing to live with AFO bending his mind and body to his will. except if that is the case, I think she’s underestimating Tomura’s own will. and definitely underestimating Deku’s will to save

and also, just... I’m so fucking sick of AFO screwing the Shimura family over, honestly. this is exactly what he wanted. well fuck you, guy. you don’t get to have what you want. go out there and save Tomura, Deku. for his sake and for Nana’s. give them some hope. do your thing, boy. can’t wait for your big speech all about it next chapter lol

[legends-live-in-memories]

“How Did All This Happen?”- A Memoire by one Marinette Dupain-Cheng 1

Soooooo I decided to write this. much longer than the other things i posted, also very tonally different. I will definitely continue that other fic tho. I was just brainstorming and now this exists. Yeah.

 without further ado

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

People Fucked Up and Now It’s All Marinette’s Mess to Clean Up I

This was not how Marinette planned for her night to go. Granted, she also could not envision it going literally any other way. The woes of making a deal with the hell-raiser himself, John Constantine, she supposes. She truly hoped Adrien was having a much better time than her with his cousin in London. After the circus that was the past three years, he deserved some reprieve, even if it was with his bratty doppelganger. Regardless, Marinette. Was. Not. Pleased. No matter how many times she thinks over her plan, recalculates every step and decision, she could not fathom this night ending well for her, or anyone really, but mostly her. And no amount of old Ladybug or Guardian luck could help her. Now, if one were to wonder what kind of tragedy had befallen Marinette on this disgraceful night, a brief history of the last three months could enlighten such a person. Or better yet, let’s start at the beginning. The Real Beginning.

So, things existed. Obviously. First there was nothing, and then, something. And as more things began to exist, as new schools of knowledge and concepts and ideas began to, well, exist, Kwamis formed as well. Each Kwami was the physical manifestation of these ideas or abstracts. Creation was the first, coupled with Destruction. And as more things began to exist, more things began needing to be protected. Thus, the Kwami of Protection. This went on. For a while. Soon thereafter there were Kwamis of all types. Jubilation, Time, Strength, etc, etc, and etc. Now these Kwamis did not linger in one spot. They roamed across the far stretches of existence and interacted with the life they found.

Some Kwamis decided to form a magical pact which intergalactic historians would later dub the Emotional Electromagnetic Spectrum. Sounds familiar? The Kwamis themselves were completely blissfully unaware of this title, lest they would have explained to these beings, Maltusians they were called, that they were not in fact, electromagnetic but more so a part of the Powers that Be. Kind of. But this side-story involves the formation of a few universally known Lantern Corps, and that is a barrel of monkeys our exasperated narrator does not want to touch with a ten-foot pole. Or ever.

Other Kwamis, who stuck close to what would become known as the Milky Way, were discovered by a mage who granted them the ability to interact with humans. This mage— and Marinette was silently cursing his descendants, herself included, for if it weren’t for this absolute mad lad, none of the subsequent events of this night would have transcribed—had bound the Kwamis to magical jewelry called Miraculouses. An interesting side effect of these Kwamis being bound to the miraculouses was that the wearer could call upon the powers of the Kwamis for their own usage. The mage feared what could become of the world if this kind of power became so easily accessible, so he created the Order of the Guardians. The Order was dedicated to training young mages to protect, wield and harvest the powers of the miraculouses. The Order swore to true neutrality; wishing not to impose their will on one side or the other, to maintain balance and to not upset the natural order of the world. 

This went surprisingly well for a few millennia, that is, of course, if you ignore the sinking of Atlantis, the extinction of the dinosaurs, the Black Plague, the creation of the Lazarus Pits, Pompeii, to name a few completely egregious instances—not necessarily in order of course—and well, the point stands that it could have been astronomically worse. Until it was.�� 

One young mage and Guardian in training had caused the downfall of almost the entire Order of the Guardians. All the centuries of history, teachings, artifacts and even the people at the head temple, were lost to the calamity. Dozens of Miraculous Boxes were lost, destroyed in the fray. The Kwamis themselves were relatively unaffected, being immortal and all, but the magical jewelry binding them to the earth were broken, thus those Kwamis were lost to mankind once again. Only one singular box, and the young mage himself, survived. The new Guardian of one miraculous box was left to scour the earth in solitude. Well, about as much solitude one could have with 17 pocket gods as company. The fact that the only box that survived was missing two more miraculouses caused the already stressed guardian to grey further. But that tidbit of information would be a problem for later. And for someone else entirely too. Oh joy.

But before that sequence of events, aptly named “Marinette’s Trial by Fire,” however, the young guardian had a couple more life mistakes to make before he reached his internal quota apparently. Rather than travel to another sector of the Order on the other side of the earth, this young mage stumbled upon another organization, one similar in architecture and hierarchy but a pendulum swing in the total moral opposite. Yes, that’s right, the guardian found himself upon the League of Shadows, led by Ra’s Al Ghul in his endeavor of global cleansing; by acts of ecoterrorism, but who sweats the small stuff, right? There, the young guardian, who adopted the name of Wang Fu, met his first love Ming Hong and they had a son. The son had a daughter he named Mei. Now Mei was only a few weeks younger than Ra’s Al Ghul’s grandson, Damian. Now with an appropriate heir, and someone to procreate with said heir, Ra’s Al Ghul gained a special interest in the small Fu family that originally flew under the radar of the League. 

Now this is where things continue to go downhill, but not until much, much later in this story. Ra’s Al Ghul, despite his radical ambitions, was particularly good at playing the long game and understood when he couldn’t accomplish a task directly. This being said, he recognized that, due to prolonged exposure to the Lazarus Pits, his soul could not bear the strain of being a wielder of a miraculous and so he waited. Waited until a suitable heir was sired and could copulate with an heir to the guardian of the miraculous box, desiring to create a bloodline of genetically suitable successors and wielders who were loyal to him and his cause. 

Ra’s ordered for the Fu family to have a place on his court and ordered for Mei Fu to be trained in mastering the secrets of the miraculous. And master she did. By age 6 she was fluent in the coded language of the magical text, or as fluent a 6 year old can be in any language, and she had mastered 7 out the 17 miraculouses. By age 10 she was as skilled as the grandson of the Demon Head in combat and could handle simultaneous wear of 3 miraculouses. Her training, however, had to be put on hold as somebody thought usurping the Demon Head was of the utmost importance that glorious Tuesday and staged a coup. She wished Deathstroke had lost more than an eye that day, but a girl can dream she supposes. Mei and her grandfather were separated from the rest of the League and journeyed west. Somehow they ended up in Paris, France. After one too many run ins with the authorities, Mei was removed from her grandfather, who was deemed too unfit to support her. It was a miracle he wasn’t deported. 

Mei was put into protective custody where she resided until she was 13. Recently adopted, and thoroughly done with the plebeians of her daily encounters, Mei Fu became Marinette Dupain-Cheng, daughter of the best bakers in Paris. All was well and good for the new Dupain-Cheng until the start of the new school year. 

She met her grandfather again. And apparently he had a job for her and her soon to be new partner.

Hawkmoth, that bitch, had somehow acquired the two last surviving miraculouses and the only surviving grimoire and thought domestic terrorism was on the agenda for the next few years. Why? Because investing in a family therapist was too much of an inconvenience for local recluse, Gabriel McFucking Agreste, Marinette would shortly learn. 

After dealing with all of that and juggling between her reignited guardian training, and ‘normal’ girl life—because her parents don’t know that she’s a magical girl in the making—, Marinette was ready to sleep for a thousand years. Or commit murder. Whichever gave her enough serotonin to complete her current passion project. But, alas, no rest for the totally-over-it or however that saying goes. Because after declaring Paris safe once again, sending off her brother-in-arms, Adrien Agreste, to family in London (marginally decent but anything beats the abusive prick of a sperm donor), in waltz one drunken John Constantine.

Ah yes. Him. That absolute bastard who doesn’t deserve nice things in life. That guy.

This unpleasantry approached Master Fu and Marinette, who has been regulated to errand-girl in lieu of training, with a job that he proclaimed that only one blessed with magic, and specifically NOT connected to the Justice League could accomplish. Apparently, a group called the Cult of the Kobra resided on Santa Prisca and was in possession of a dangerous magical artifact that had been the backbone of their organization for years. Constantine came to them asking them for assistance in retrieving it as the Justice League could not interfere in the Caribbean due to new UN legislation. It was a mission of utmost urgency for he feared the cult leader, Kobra himself, was planning on enacting a ritual that could bring calamity to Earth. Which is just what the doctor ordered. Not. In exchange, he agreed to add to her magical training as while master Fu was good, he was still young when he ran away from his problems the first time and thus was limited in his magical knowledge.

That was three months ago. Three months of planning, training, and convincing her parents that letting her go on an extended retreat for an undetermined amount of time with her mostly absent biological grandfather was totally reasonable for the seventeen year old to do. Like, come on. She’s almost old enough to drink, almost ready for university and has been praised for her independence and self-sufficiency for years. She’ll be fine is what she told her parents and she was almost able to convince herself of that too. She would be perfectly fine. Right?

Wrong.

Marinette was anything but fine. She was stressed, she was tired and she was abso-fucking-lutely pissed at anything that even breathed in her direction. Why? Well that brings us back to the beginning of the story when everything on this mission did not go according to plan. So here she was along what was once upon a time the eastern coastline of Santa Prisca. Oh and look. The Junior Justice League has arrived.

Purrrrfect. 

Some one asked for a taglist. Ask and ye shall receive

@deathwishy @neakco  @ virtualreading  @f-rget-lt @your-resident-chicken-nugget

[zodiyack]

In Letters

Requested by @imaginesbymk​: Oh gosh hi! Could I request a imagine w/ Eugene Sledge falling in love with y/n and when he returns home he surprises them with flowers and asks y/n out on a date? Hope this was ok!

Pairing: Eugene Sledge x Female!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, mentions of war

Words: 1,795

Summary: (See Request)

Note: So I got a little carried away and I’m not too proud of the ending, but I tried my best and I hope you liked it :D

Taglist: @matth1w​, @redspaceace-writes​, @fandom-puff​, @darling-i-read-it​, @simonsbluee​, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow​

Masterlist | Joe Mazzello Masterlist

My dearest Gene,

The nights seem quiet, deafeningly so. The room feels lonesome without your presence. Although it pains me to admit it, it’s not just my chambers that are haunted with such sadness.

I feel goosebumps rise from my skin as I lie in bed, similar to the ones I’d get when you wrapped your arms around me. The hairs on my neck rise just as they did when you whispered in my ear each night, assuring me that nothing could hurt me, for you were there to fend off whatever creatures dwelled in the night. But alas, these are not from you this time. My body reacts in such ways to a frightening feeling, one I almost forgot having never felt it after the first night you snuck into my room, and the nights prior to your descent. With you away, I have no soldier to protect me whilst I rest.

My words, melancholy yet true, shan’t bring you down... I hope. Please do not assume wrongly of my intent; I am indeed very proud of you. So much so that I simply cannot help but worry.

What has my worries, you may ask?

Well, my soldier, it’s you. Whether this letter will actually find your soft hands at all, I know not, however, you told me to have hope, so I will. Before you set this parchment aside and go out to your tasks, I ask one last request.

Take your advice, and have hope. When the nights become too much, think not of the horrors, but of me, of this letter, of the nights back home wherein you protect me like you are now protecting us.

You’re so strong and brave. I find it mandatory that you know that and believe it, not just hear the words and brush it off as a compliment. Eugene Sledge, it is a fact. You hold others up as though you are Atlas and they are the world that you carry upon your shoulders. Even now, you carry a burden and you march forward nonetheless. It amazes me. Inspires me, truly.

To end this letter, I’m unsure. Do I make up some falsehood to fill you with delight? No, no, I cannot do such a thing to you, even if I wanted to. I can try all I want, but anytime a lie is formed on the tip of my tongue whenever I talk to you, it rolls backwards rather than out like I want it to.

What ever are you doing to me, Eugene Sledge?

Y/n

Darling Eugene,

You didn’t have to send me the necklace. You know that, right? Nonetheless... I have yet to take it off since I received it. It smells like you. Before the war. Your scent lulls me to sleep as though you are lying with me once more. I’m too overjoyed to remind myself of the reality. I hope you received my gift. And I hope it gives you the same affects yours does unto me.

I try to cling to the hope that you may return safe and unharmed. Any type of war is never easy, I know that, I really do, and I know you won’t be the same person you were when you left. However, you will always be my Gene. With that being said; I will never turn my back on you the way you wrote, the way you feared I would.

Lest you too lack of sleep more than before, I have included a gift of my own. See to it as...a gift to make things even. It’s only fair, seeing as you sent me an accessory you crafted. If you haven’t seen it yet- open it.

A locket can be seen as a feminine accessory, yes, but in truth, it’s attached to no sex. I do hope you like it. I’ve also debated on sending you one with a photo of us both, but settled on purchasing matching necklaces. One for you, which holds my photo, and one for me, which holds yours. Before you lecture me on spending money on you- I spent it for both my sake and yours.

I’ve read every book you gifted me throughout the years and still, you are not yet in my arms nor beside me in the study. I try to imagine, but it gets harder as time goes on. I miss you.

I hold strong aversion to the time it shall take for your return. Nothing pains me more than the suffering you must be going through, and the suffering I too am experiencing. Though my pain is less than yours, it is still great in its ability to affect me. Life without you is dull, meaningless, gut-wrenching and awfully depressing.

Have you made any friends? Other than “Peaches” and “Snafu”, whomever those men are. Perhaps you can introduce some of them to me when you’re home, I’d love to meet the men who kept you company. Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. (Peaches is quite an interesting name though. I mean no ill-will behind my curiosity, but...is “Peaches” his real name?)

In reference to my previous question; I myself haven’t made any new friends. To be completely honest, I rarely leave the house. Whenever I step foot outside...it feels...well...pardon my language, like I’m entering a shit show, stepping into hell itself. I’d rather be in hell than live in a world without you.

Think not of my prior comment. Merely bask in the positive parts of this letter. For me.

All my love,

Y/n

Eugene,

I heard you boys are coming home? I do hope the news is true. I fear I cannot face yet another disappointment, nor much longer without you. As time has gone by, nights spent without you beside me, days awfully bore...your face seems to fade as though it plots to abscond.

Funny. It’s seldom that I think of anything else, and it still rebuffs all my attempts to conjure your image into my brain. Whilst I have photographs to assist in my efforts, I can’t quite see your beauty in full, as though the photo is faceless. I miss your charming features and I loathe myself for having struggled to remember them now, even if it happened against my own wishes.

Albeit my words, which were truthful, I still see you in my dreams. Only, when I wake, your face abates until it’s lost in the nothingness, lightyears away from my grasp.

My sincerest apologies for the briefness of this letter and its majority of sorrowful content. I would write you a thousand joyous letters if only I had the strength to tell you falsities.

Awaiting your return,

Y/n

Each letter he received from her warmed his heart and never failed to put a smile on his face. Despite being in a literal warzone, joy never left his heart. The nights where he couldn’t sleep due to the things he had to see, the things his imagination conjured up, or just due to the lack of Y/n. It was the last one more often than not.

Snafu teased Sledge with each letter he managed to catch a glimpse of. Despite the man’s suggestive teasing, the two in question were only friends, inseparable since childhood. However, he wasn’t completely wrong with his jabs. Eugene felt his heart long for her like hers did him, but his longing wasn’t purely platonic. Since his teen years, he felt an almost magnetic-like pull towards her. Her letters only amplified the harshness of the tug on the invisible rope.

His hands shook as he wrote back to her, the first few lines seeming very unlike himself, but the rest so poetic and beautiful, even Snafu was speechless. The words were there, but they only really flowed onto the paper after he let go of control and wrote from the heart. Honest and sincere, he told her as much as he could.

The only thing he didn’t include ever, was a confession.

It took almost all of his strength to prevent himself from giving in to the urge of being lovesick-fool. But as her letters grew more desolate, as the war became more intense, as his time to write shortened...he couldn’t bring himself to confess. He couldn’t bring himself to push that onto her- a confession during the war, forcing her to live with his last letter being a question he could never fulfill.

...

He underestimated himself in so many ways.

The second he returned home, he bought flowers and rushed to find her, not even caring to make sure he looked his best. It was the first thing on his mind. Despite being ever so tired, his eyelids begging to drop for a little while longer, his feet sore beneath him- he powered through.

His fist rapped against the door, a quiet hiss leaving his mouth through his teeth at the feeling of his skin coming in contact with the hard wood. It creaked open, half of a face, an eye mostly, coming into view slowly before it widened and the door swung open.

“Gene!”

She surged forward, wrapping her arms around him as she leapt into his grasp. The two chuckled for a moment before her feet found the ground again and they stood in silence. Drinking each other in, all they could do was smile.

“Oh!” Eugene exclaimed once he’d returned to reality, holding out his hand to Y/n. “I uh- bought these for you.”

“Thank you.” She smiled sweetly, accepting the gift with teary eyes.

“But...not as a friend gift, really.”

“Well of course not, we’re best friends!”

“No, no... I mean it as a step above best friends. I mean them as a gift and a question.” Her brows furrowed and she tilted her head, visibly confused. “I know I just came home- I haven’t even changed my clothes for fucks sake, but I need to ask. I’ve wanted to ask for so long.”

Y/n’s eyes darted around, even more confused than before. “Ask what?”

Eugene cleared his throat, finally meeting her eyes; “Would you be interested in joining me for a meal...or, more specifically, a date? It doesn’t have to be today-”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.” Y/n bit her lower lip and giggled. “I would love to. Tonight, after you get some rest, I’ll meet you at your place.” Y/n placed a hand on Eugene’s cheek, smiling at him. Then, her lips replaced her hand. She turned and walked back inside, closing the door with a smile.

The soldier outside, who had faced and won two wars around the same time, stood outside, hand where Y/n’s lips were, and a matching smile upon his lips. He was undoubtedly glad he didn’t confess in letters.

[bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture]

Alright, chapter 8! And man is there a lot to talk about here. I don’t really have any pre-content things to say, so we’ll just hop right into it today!

[No. 8 - Rage, You Damned Nerd]

I swear, this first page has a LOT to talk about on it, so I’ll go from panel to panel and do some rambling thoughts on each segment. 

First off, UA doesn’t actually handle the costumes the kids get! It’s support companies affiliated with the school that does - which makes sense, since the school has to focus on teaching their support students before letting them get their hands on actual costumes that these kids might be fighting in.

I mean, they seem to be allowed to practice on like, minor support stuff (read: Mei making Izuku his new gloves post-Nighteye or somewhere around there) but not full costuming, which is… actually a bit reassuring? But also explains some of the lag time in getting costume repairs / upgrades since they’re probably busy companies. It also explains why there probably aren’t major alterations to any costumes besides between the summer and winter variants, since it would be time-consuming to remake these costumes so regularly.

(It still doesn’t excuse some of the costumes the kids got, but that’s more on the whole ‘eye candy’ thing for readers than actual practicality, so whatever.)

(Also, I can’t get over the fact that Snipe has a support company. Fucking Snipe. Guess we know another canon or likely-canon Support teacher.)

Next we get a preview of what the kids sent in for specifications for their costumes:

We get a bit of insight into a few of the characters - as background stuff, we get Shouji, Mineta, Aoyama, and Sato. Mineta got pretty dunked on for char design and costuming, and Aoyama’s costume almost looks like a magical girl outfit like this, which honest to god would have been fantastic to see him in. More interesting (at least to me) are the other three: Ochako, Tenya, and Katsuki.

Ochako first, because that pressure point thing is interesting, and I dunno how often those actually come up in fics besides a passing mention, like. What if her support bracelets / neck piece broke during training / a mission / whatever? Would she suddenly have to fight through the nausea? By the point of current canon (War Arc) she’s probably trained enough that she doesn’t need them as much, but man, it could be an interesting little thing to explore, like, post-Kamino.

Tenya is a bit surprising, since we know he comes from a well-off hero family. Logically, this was before the whole Hosu / Ingenium plotline was really developed, so Tenya didn’t have that to fall back on, or it could be argued that the support company that Ingenium is associated with also works with UA. Alternatively, it could be that either Tenya didn’t want to rely on his family (which seems silly when they’d know how to work with his quirk best) or UA is very firm on ALL costume stuff going through them…

But then again, Katsuki. Oh god, Katsuki. What fucking support company looked at this kid and went ‘yeah we should give him a way to store more explosives AND give him bombs’ and just. Did so. Why did UA not vet that. Maybe the support company didn’t realize how strong his explosions were without the gear, but UA, man, I just. I suppose they had no way of knowing how reckless he’d be with them, but honestly, after the battle trials, they should have been fucking yoinked from him so damned fast. 

Anyways, onto other parts of Katsuki’s costume, we see he’s a fucking dork. Possibly what lowered their guard. ‘Something scary’ and ‘Dynamighte all over’. What the hell, kid. At least your designer stuck close to your design… including the huge-ass clunky gauntlets. Man, the Musketeer Trio movie poster ones are so much better looking and so, so streamlined. Works of art, they are.

Moving on, we get a bit of a flashback to ~three weeks ago, which by the calendar would be around March 20th? So a few weeks after the Entrance Exam. And Izuku is only NOW getting around to updating the quirk registry? Izuku baby seriously, how the FUCK did none of the UA staff notice the ‘quirkless’ on your application form at any point before this?

But yeah, he’s worried about his registry, so he calls Toshinori, who explains the update process. It gives the example of someone who might alter their stuff with updated information, with one or two allowed - though major ones aren’t accepted. Toshinori then says it’ll probably be okay since he started with nothing, then tries to correct himself to ‘definitely’, only to get cut off because Izuku accidentally hangs up in a panic when Inko calls out that she’s home. Haha poor Toshinori, and poor Izuku, the two anxious dumbasses. 

Anyways, moving on from that is Inko showing off the jumpsuit she made, with Izuku surprised. She admits it’s not the coolest, but she based it off of the design in his notebook (the one we saw back in chapter 1). She tells him she regrets giving up on him back then, and how he never quit regardless of her faith. She apologizes and says from there on she’ll be cheering him on with all she’s got. 

Izuku’s narration notes that it’s a symbol of his mom’s love, and that he couldn’t wear anything else, even if it’s not ‘efficient’ or ‘cutting edge’. (Or even at all decent looking.) And it’s also hinted through the present thoughts on it that it’s meant to be an homage to All Might (the smile and the hair pieces) which is just such a dorky thing.

We get to the wide-spread of hero costumes, which- wait a second.

That’s Momo’s initial hero costume design???? Why did Hori not stay with that??? It’s a LOT better than the stuff we’ve seen her in later! Like, sure, it’d still be improved with the main opening being her stomach and not her chest, but this still looks like actual human clothing and not a sexy Halloween costume variant of her hero uniform. Fucking hell, now I’m even more mad.

Tsuyu’s costume meets the approval of the discord server as basically ‘no changes needed’ asides from maybe the goggles being a bit bulky.

Tenya’s costume, I’m sorry, I know it’s an homage to your brother / family, but were the additional pipes really needed? Also, the helmet isn’t a bad idea since he goes fast, and bugs in the mouth/teeth have to suck, but it just looks so damned Gundam-y I can’t help but laugh a little.

Shouto… nah, too easy a target.

Aoyama is Aoyama. I’m actually a bit disappointed now that it’s not a magical girl costume, but alas, I suppose even Hori couldn’t be that brave.

Kaminari… I forgot he had that headset thingy. 

Don’t really have much else to say about anyone else, so let’s move on.

Izuku bugs out a bit about Ochako’s costume/appearance, while she compliments his more practical looks and laments not being specific, saying it’s a bit too puffy and curvy for her. Which means it’s more the accessories which seem to be her issue with it over the main costume itself? Huh.

Anyways, after All Might confirms they’re all there, he notices Izuku’s headpieces, which are a match to his costume, and has to turn to muffle a laugh for how obvious a reference it is. Tenya steps up, asking whether they’ll be doing cityscape maneuvers again since it’s the same field used in the entrance exam. Izuku thinks to himself how cool Tenya’s costume is, while All Might explains that they’re moving onto step two - indoor anti-personnel battle training!

He explains what while villain battles are most commonly seen outdoors, statistically the worst crimes and villains are more likely to be found indoors. Confinement, house arrest, black market deals… the clever villains luck indoors to avoid heroes. Which is why the class will be split into teams of two and pit against each other, heroes versus villains style!

Ah, Tsuyu. Calling him right the heck out, as expected. All Might then notes that in this scenario, the fight won’t be against disposable robots. 

This entire page is just fucking hilarious. The class and all their questions while All Might is shaking with nerves. The fucking cheat sheet he uses to try to get back on track. Him being questioned on the lot drawing, and shaking while Izuku accidentally ends up covering for him. I just. All Might was not prepared for this mess and it shows. He was doing so much better when it was the one on one stuff with Izuku.

But yeah, Izuku notes the scenario is like from a western comic plot, and he’s also the one who ‘realizes’ the lots are like when heroes from different agencies have to team up for emergencies without prior warning. 

Lots are drawn, and we have our teams:

Izuku’s so stressed out because he still can’t really talk to her, while she’s excited to be teamed up and calls it ‘fate’ that it happened. All Might draws the first two teams to participate, and… team Izuku and Ochako (as the heroes) versus team Katsuki and Tenya (as the villains). Both Izuku and Katsuki are alert from this development…

Which makes this a good point to cut off, since it’s halfway through and we got a lot of information to chew on already. Second part should be out this weekend (hopefully). 

[florbelles]

any unanswered fic writer asks send tweet

we are no longer on speaking terms. 🌝,😈 & 🧠 answered here, 🌙 & 🌈  answered here xx

what do you like most about your own writing?

— i’m generally very happy with my use of narrative voice, particularly in terms of stylistic choices and structure to create atmosphere or convey emotion. i probably consider the latter my strongest suit. it’s also my favorite aspect of the writing process, which is probably why i feel it’s effective :’’)

what embarrasses you most about your own writing?

— the lack of it :/

i jest. you know what’s embarrassing? my organization/lack thereof.  it’s near-impossible for me to piece anything together after the fact so if i don’t have it all in one place immediately then girl bye good luck finding it ( there are legitimately passages i have had to look up from wip posts or excerpt memes because it’s the only place i know, without doubt, i can find them ).

what is one wip you think you may never pick back up?

— none, actually. even if there are projects i know i’ll never continue in their original form — the vast majority of my uncompleted original/non-fandom work qualifies — in all probability i’ll butcher them for parts or otherwise repurpose them. ( i realize this is probably asking about in-progress published works specifically, but since i don’t currently have any of those live on main, that’s n/a ).

do you have any wips that you would never let see the light of day? if yes, what are they about?

— not specifically, no. i have plenty of content that i won’t ultimately use just because it doesn’t serve a justifiable narrative purpose, is experimental, is an outtake that i don’t want to publish because it was cut due to changes or incompatibility with another characterization/narrative choice i ended up making ( which i don’t want to muddle, at least at this stage, but i suppose the what-ifs could have a place on main down the line, so not even those are necessarily hard nevers ). alas, no super secret fic, though. 

what is your fave fic to receive comments/messages on?

— since i’m not on ao3 and don’t have multiple fics posted, my comments/messages are generally tags or comments on my posts here, and i love & appreciate absolutely all of them :’’)

do you write every day?

— i do, actually! i’m not counting what i write for workshops or uni, obviously, since those are on a deadline, but i can’t think of a day in recent memory i haven’t written something for my self-indulgent projects, even if that’s just a few disjointed lines out of context that will inevitably be buried in the depths of my notes app.

are you a planner, plantser, or pantser? is it consistent?

— the only thing is that’s wholly consistent is i absolutely Do Not Outline, i Will Not Do It. otherwise i don’t think i’ve ever gone into a project without essentially knowing exactly where i want things to end up. that doesn’t mean that isn’t subject to change, obviously, i like to leave myself plenty of flexibility to keep things fresh, but generally by the time i get around to actually writing out fic scenes i have a thorough knowledge of my arc as a whole ( i obviously know all the details of lyra’s canon intimately, for example, but i still don’t have an outline in terms of fic pacing/writing schedule/scene presentation order ).

current number of wips?

— one major longfic and 130+ prompts 💕

do you tell people in real life that you write fic?

— again, not specifically, no. fic makes up a relatively small percentage of what i write, especially in the context of what i have finished ( as you all know ); that’s actually one of the reasons why i have comparatively little completed, i already write on deadlines outside of a fandom sphere, so i’m not willing to put them on myself or make time commitments that could lead to burnout. generally when i discuss my writing projects it’s not in a fandom context. it’s not a secret, though.

what is one growth area you have for your writing?

— proofreading & editing. i absolutely do not proofread. never not going in raw, baby. i do make cuts, but only in the form of culling entire passages if i’m not completely happy with them or feel they’re unnecessary weight/are fucking with the impact & pacing ( which is a habit related to my lack of editing, i would rather just axe it completely or rewrite it entirely ). this is unfortunately true of academic & workshop submissions as well as fandom writing. i’ve gotten by with it all my life, but that doesn’t mean i should, or couldn’t greatly improve my work by putting in the effort.

do you read your own fic?

— yes. after the fact. which is why i will notice an entire phrase that was formatted incorrectly and appeared twice in a row a month after the original positing.

what is the hardest part of writing fic?

— writing it. ( no, really, it’s 99% just a matter of finding time & energy for me ).

do you do research for your fics? what’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

— i’ll do cursory research as the need arises, yeah. most of the deep diving i do is related to canon lore, however. ( i have listened to literal hours of far cry 5 dialogue. i have read fps scripts. i have purchased & studied promotional and companion material. i have given myself motion sickness seeking out notes & confirming geographical details. i have a problem. i never wanted this for myself. i never — )

choose three adjectives to complement your own writing.

— i’m not trying to be a twat but i assume this means compliment because it doesn’t make sense to me otherwise :)) uhhhh visceral, poetic, immersive

what is a headcanon you have about your own work?

— kate’s already heard this one but my pet headcanon that will never be canonically addressed is isbaela watching the nukes from her window with her third glass of morning white wine in her hand making a noise of disgust like “i’m sure this is somehow lyra’s fault” and lawrence is like “oh my god, bels give it up what the fuck is wrong with you” but then ten minutes later in hell he’s like “oh lol no shit?”

( i jest. mostly. )

in all seriousness i like to think that since their world is based in mythology & the supernatural that john & lyra are truly reunited in hell where she has taken her rightful place as one marked by god for damnation as lucifer was before her 

name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave)?

— i’m just going to recommend my “other fic” tag instead :’’)

if one of your fics was going to get you arrested, which one and why?

— she wrote in blood and we all know damn well why

do you spend more time reading fic, writing fic, or do you do both equally?

— writing it! i generally don’t seek fic out, i don’t need to because my mutuals are good enough to put premium content on my dash regularly

[phoebehalliwell]

how would you rank the seasons from least to most favourite?

alright okay right off the bat worst season season 7. for starters i think this season has no staying power i mean like since i’ve been running this blog 4 so long now my knowledge of charmed is encyclopedic and insanely vast more than like it ever need be but for the longest time. i could not remember season 7. like wtf even happened there?? evidently leo became human??? cole returned? the avatars??? like all of it was just. it’s not even necessarily forgettable it’s just i straight up could not remember it for the longest time. and i’ve said it before the concept of utopia was way to advanced for a show like charmed to tackle i am not watching charmed for moral philosophy i am watching bc i love these girls ♥ hee hee hoo hoo magic adventure ✨ tho if i am to offer a single comment on utopia: it’s awfully rich for a show to go on about destiny and fate and then take a stand against utopia in the name of free will. but w/e. i don’t like leo in the avatars i don’t like his dynamic with piper in this season i don’t like whatever phoebe’s doing this season there’s like leslie?? maybe there’s someone else? boring & flavorless they should have been setting up her endgame instead of puttering around. and kyle. zoo wee mama. could have been a great antihero. morally gray. duplicitous. self serving. but no. they gave him all those traits and called him hero/love interest. s7 left a lot to be desired out of the characters and their relationships also gave us phat L’s such as the charmed ones are werewolves don’t worry about it and feminism peaked with naked women. shout out to zankou: demon, dilf, dub & the noir episode.

you know what? fuck it i’ll say it second worse season 5 genuinely fuck season five. this is probably a Very Specific beef 2 me But. i hate what they did to the charmed universe. this was the season that marked the transition of charmed from supernatural drama to campy soap which like. i love camp! i do! but fr. fuck this season and what it did to the worldbuilding. the early season have Such A Vibe to them man with warlocks and witches and just a couple niche monsters from assorted lore that the show took and made their own. season five opens with mermaids goes directly into fairytales then gives us superheros whatever the fuck was going on in that mummy episode the sandman leprechauns and nymphs. and i hate it for that. it takes away from this urban fantasy things that go bump in the night what lurks in the shadows of the back alleys of san francisco in favor of the ugliest cinderella dress ever put to television and an onslaught of horrible irish accents for a full episode. other issues with season five: cole’s still here? why? they don’t know and neither will you! we’re not redeeming him! phoebe’s not getting back together with him! yes he died we just refuse to let him go! the cherry on top of course being a cole-centric 100th episode. shout out to. hmm. lemme think about what i actually liked about this season. i like jason dean as a love interest i don’t remember what he did in s5 but i know he was there. the season finale i’ve talked about how stupid & shitty it was but idc i still love that episode and then shout out to bacarra the only original villain this season that was a proper serve. the crone gets second place.

next on this come on we all saw it coming season 8. it’s a bad season! and i get bts there was a whole lot happening budget cuts missing actor etc. but it goes beyond that. it was a bad season. billie and christie were bad. and i’ve said this before but billie in herself is not an inherently bad character. she was just the literal worst for the show. she was a dollar store buffy blonde confident cocky skilled and ready 2 fight evil But. we are not following her like we followed buffy we are following her mentors. it’s like if we had a show called giles that aired for seven seasons And Then buffy showed up. billie was insanely irritating to watch from our perspective and in general wasn’t like. well written. attempts to humanize her / give her more depth often fell flat. and then christy. oh nelly. oh my god. barely a character. not well acted but hey it would have been a miracle if she was. negatives include dumain who was a mess omg bringing back the triad bringing back the source billie & christy obvi and also involving homeland security. which is season 7′s fault which is why it’s the worst. dubs on the other hand include both coop and henry i really liked them the shoehorned love interests weren’t great but i like their characters i though the way the got rid of leo to save on the budget was really creative and gave us a great piper episode and of course the sugary sweet finale i love it i do what can i say.

yet another controversial choice aptly coming in fourth is season 4. i respect what season 4 set out to do. i think it was a good idea. long form narratives, keeping a darker tone, focusing on character-driven drama and growth. too bad it fucking failed miserably at all of this. cole as the source and phoebe as the queen of hell was just so so botched. they had a very unique opportunity following the death of prue to explore these characters and what it means to them to be charmed, to be witches. they saved the world but the cost is insanely high. they’ve lost an older sister. they’ve gained a new sister. how do you even begin to cope with all this? episodes such as hell hath no fury and brain drain fuck so hard because they work with exactly that. had the whole season been like those episode season four would sit at number one with flying colors absolutely no competition. but alas. we can’t have nice things. the show got so bogged down with phoebe & cole, in a way that was just so, so messy. for starters, whether you loved cole or hated him before, we can all agree source!cole sucked. he was such a strong 180 from what we had seen that the show had to make the source some type of possession to justify half the shit they were trying to pull. and then to pit phoebe and paige against one another over a man was just. disgusting. and the ending of course felt rushed because it was! they wrapped up that entire issue in a nice little bow much faster than they reasonably should have been able to. it could have been a great season. it was definitely not. shout out to the seer an iconic mastermind on barbas levels, as previously stated brain drain and hell hath no fury Specific shout out to piper’s scene at prue’s grave shout out to paige as a character i like what they did with her and um. yeah that’s it.

okay we’re exiting the shit tier in favorite of the good tier welcome to the upper half. kicking us off is season 6. season 6 did what season 4 could not in that it gave us a long form plot that still left plenty of room for like. normal demon of the week episodes. i love phoebe early in this season with her faboo haircut her brand new empathy power and her relationship with jason dean. obvious strikes against for whatever the fuck that baby crazy stint was and also the mata hari episode. yikes. i love paige’s hair color in this season nothing paige as a character necessarily stands out to me however i like how they seem to have hit the blend of work-magic with paige where she wants a life and career outside of magic however she still loves the craft and embraces is with an open heart and mind. season six also gives us chris who was a very fun male lead imo we really didn’t have many like him he’s bitchy. he whines and bitches a lot he’s got an agenda he’s a bit secretive but at the end of the day he just wants a family i like him. i like the character growth we see out of piper i like seeing her try to move on from leo i love seeing her get back together with leo i like her dynamic with chris and her fears about motherhood. i also liked richard but that one takes a lot of justification. L’s are witchstock hyde school reunion used karma off the top of my head also the paige/richard/addiction plotline was so tone deaf. also the girls were mean to darryl : ( he deserved so much better. dubs were chris as a character, tbh the episode little monsters, phoebe with empathy specifically saying i love you too to jason i could write a dissertation on that line alone also the courtship of wyatt’s father and i thought the reveals of evil wyatt and chris being piper and leo’s son were both fun and interesting plot twists.

coming in third is actually season 2 a season i really do love it’s just. it lacks structure. imo there is a lot to love about season 2 morality bites and pardon my past are both delightful time travel episodes we get jack sheridan and bane jessup two of my personal favorite prue love interests we get p3 h2o and a great prue plotline regarding the death of patty we get the super cute cupid episode it’s a great. collection of episodes. it’s not a great season. there’s just imo not a strong enough thread connecting the stories together it’s mainly held together by having the same characters in it over and over again i really liked dan personally but like. i knew we were wasting time there. he was just an obstacle. a super cute loving and caring obstacle who’s great with kids but lbr piper and leo were always endgame. wasting our time on dan was stupid. i do love the sister dynamics in season two “gotta hand it to those pesky little demons they sure have brought us closer together” but again. this season could have benefitted from a rex and hannah type or even like a cole or zankou. this season is less of a season and more of just like a handful of episodes, and while there are some fat dubs, there are also some definite swings & misses. shout out to the time travel episodes the prue centric episodes phoebe’s character growth and maturity throughout this season (e.g. her going back to college) and i also think the fashion got a lot more fun this season.

second place i’m saying season one season one was a really strong start and gave us these really compelling characters with interesting relationships between one another But. a lot of it just kinda falls flat. and credit where credit is due it was a brand new show getting its feet under it but the fourth sister feats of clay which prue is it anyway they just simply aren’t dubs imo. also i don’t like that 70′s episode bc again i am an asshole concerned about The Lore i can’t believe one bitch ass warlock caused the Charmed Ones to grow up without powers. it just really bugs me. all in all the plots as a whole like aren’t great imo they’re nothing to write home about (save for from fear to eternity) it’s really the characters that make this season so goddamn good.

first place congratulations to the one the only season three. this is just because it kinda hits all my requirements in that it has some banger one offs (e.g. all halliwell’s eve, the good, the bad, and the cursed) it has an overarching plot at the exact same time as the source becomes more prominent and obvi cole is also there with murderous intent i like the character growth we see especially from prue i like piper and leo finally get married overall i really like the aesthetic of this season that blends a darker urban fantasy tone with still some charmed fashion and whimsy. strikes against tbh phoebe and cole’s relationship i am insanely picky with my enemies to lovers and the do not come remotely close to cutting the mustard in fact they are almost immediately disqualified however from afar i can see and respect The Drama. shout out to recasting victor prue with pistols death as a character and shannen directing episodes

[fieryfafarfanfics]

(Bederia) Unplanned Confessions 1

 This was absolutely ridiculous.  Unheard of. Unbelievable. Utterly unthinkable.  And yet here he was.  Standing in the middle of Lake of Outrage. Watching in baffled daze as the women a few steps away worked and moved her way to the set up her—their—camp.  Well, to be precise, she was technically setting up her camp. His own tent was still tucked inside his backpack while hers had been neatly arranged and formed in one of the open fields. All 6 of her Pokémon were out from the moment he arrived, all either hopping or running or even sparring with one another like a bunch of baby Pokémon.  Dangerous baby Pokémon, he corrected as he spotted the fearsome Hydreigon spouting Dragon Rage at an enthusiastic Cinderace.  “Bede!”  Her name was a bell that cleared away the clouds in his mind. Violet eyes were lost in a sea of crimson that shined between a pair of glasses. Quickly he regained his senses. Though years of rivalry and friendship enabled them to get comfortable with each other, the Gym Leader still felt on guard when it comes to her and her specifically.  Well, both her and that unruly best friend of hers. But Bede knew Gloria’s case was a much more…delicate matters of the heart.

 Ugh. Slowly sucking in a breath, he walked towards her. At every step, he could feel the excitement of his Pokémon from inside their balls. It seems that he wasn’t the only one who formed such a friendship with the Champion.  “Gloria.” He stopped in front of her. His height hovered tall and proud before her, but not once did Gloria ever feel threatened by his presence.  What he found as offensive before, now he thought of it as sheer relief.  Crimson eyes looked up at the Fairy-specialist. “I’m so glad you could make it!” Excitement bubbled all too obviously, yet Gloria toned down her glee in fear that she might make a fool of herself. Merely flashing a smile next, the young woman continued to focus on her camp.  Why was he here?  Right, he grumbled inwardly, you know damn why, you stupid mind. ---  It was a few days back. They had their daily spars with the other gym leaders. Gloria as usual stomped each match despite using the exact same team she had been using since the first day she was crowned Champion. Many leaders thought they had the upper-hand for learning and studying her battle tactics and her Pokémon’s battle techniques. But no matter the research, the outcome would always vary with the only thing being the same is her victory.  But what he thought was a normal day immediately burned to the ground when he bumped into her in the prep room.  She was sweaty and hot—figuratively—when he saw her. The Champion outfit stuck close to her body, absolutely complimenting every curve and taut muscle a 20-year old would achieve from rigorous trainings. The dark hair was in slight disarray, still short as she liked it, and Gloria heaved a heavy sigh as she raked through the black strands backwards.  Bede felt pathetic to feel breathless on the spot.  Once their eyes met, he remembered flinching. He also remembered her asking how his day was. His answer was curt, simple. Though challenging, his eye contact was sorely focused on her mesmerizing irises rather than the supple curve of her breasts. How demeaning, he chastised himself, for ogling at her body like some sick freak.  It was then that remembered saying something that sounded like a dumfounded, “Yes?”  And this caused Gloria to chime in both nerves and excitement when she continued with, “Great! I’ll see you there!” ---  And now…here he was.  He was an idiot.  A fucking idiot. Opal would never forgive him for raising such a dumb, idiotic pervert. Stop! He shook his head. He was not dumb! He was not an idiot! And he definitely was not a pervert! Bede knew better than to treat humans like tools or trash. As bitter as he was when he was a teenager, at least the Gym Leader was thankful to have some morals embedded into him.  And yet…  The memory of her body sent shivers down his spine.  “Bede! Come on! I need help!”  “Arceus save me…” He really needed to make it up and apologized to Gloria somehow without offending her in the process. ---  He was here! He was here!  She couldn’t believe he accepted her invitation! Granted, it was a long shot. Gloria was more than ready to suck it up and wallow in Lake of Outrage if she ever got rejected. She was at lost on how to make it subtle and obvious about her feelings for him.  Tea time? They always had that twice every month. Sparring sessions? Had that nearly every week. Gym Battle season? Arceus forbids if she ever had time for herself at all.  Ever since he took the official status as Ballonlea’s gym leader 3 years back, Gloria was a bit…iffy that she couldn’t spend time with him other than battling or Pokémon context. The last time they ever had time alone together was when they celebrated his victory for holding the mantle as the 8th and final gym leader last year.  He was getting stronger. And prettier.  And it sucked that their raging popularity disabled them from having a normal outing whatsoever that involved them and only them. It was easy hanging out with Hop since the young man now studied and worked in Wedgehurst. Hell, it was even easier hanging out with Marnie since the woman lived in the growingly popular Spikemouth. Despite the fact that Bede lived in peaceful Ballonlea, only an idiot would just rush to his front door and blatantly go, “Hey! I like you! Wanna hang out and do nothing since I feel comfortable around you?”  She was a moron.  A lucky moron, though.  Building up all the courage she collected since last week, Gloria finally blurted out her camping plans this weekend and finally—with a rapid heartbeat—asked him if he would like to join her little camping trip. Alone. With her.  Now that she thought about it, anyone would take it as a joke, especially from the snarkiest person in Galar.  Never thought he would accept it, much to her pleasant surprise.  Now here she was, crouching in front of a bunch of stacked logs, staring at the wood like a dumb Wobbuffet. What do I do? What do I do? Clearly, she didn’t think this through. She may have had two days to prepare herself, physically and mentally, but overestimation clearly played her hard when the target of her affection actually showed up.  Bulk up, Gloria! She scolded herself, palms giving a few slaps before mouth huffing out air. “Okay.” She talked to herself. To the logs. “I can do this. Just…hang out. Talk to him. Have a nice camping trip with him and hopefully…hopefully…” A gulp slid down her throat. “I can get a chance to confess to him.” ---  Easier said than done.  Luckily, they were so used to each other’s silence that he managed to prop up his tent with ease. The noises from their Pokémon were quite helpful too. The moment Bede released his team, Gloria’s Pokémon greeted them with such loud—very loud—exuberance. Her Cinderace started hopping and bouncing in glee in front of his Hatterene, seconds before Gloria’s own Hatterene butted in and snarled in what he assumed was jealousy at his own surprised starter.  His Mawile could be seen playing tag with his Sylveon and Gloria’s Corviknight and Hydreigon. A Toxtricity—Gaara, he remembered her calling him—was seen talking to his Gardevoir who looked like she actually enjoyed his company. Violet eyes turned to the very Champion, now accompanied by her Runerigus who was stirring whatever was in the boiling pot.  A smile unwarily curled the corners of his mouth. If he didn’t know any better, it looked as if he was a husband fawning over his wife and lively child—  Stop.  Immediately and quickly he shook his head, which he then groaned in regret at the sudden dizziness that he conjured up by accident. ---  “Hey Gloria.”  She looked to his side, head tilted slightly to match his height. “Yeah?” Swallowing once, she took another bite of her apple curry. The two sat on the grassy field, observing the very wonderful view of Hammerlocke. The edge of Lake of Outrage was dangerously high. One wrong step and it could be the end for any human or Pokémon. While the two trainers knew there was a huge ocean that blanketed underneath the cliff, none wouldn’t dare to try out the theory on whether or not anyone could survive from such a scary impact.  Besides that, the view was spectacular, though.  “I’ve been meaning to ask.”  Gulp! Oh shoot, here comes her nervousness.  But alas, a sigh of relief silently peeped between pursed lips when he continued, “Why did you choose to camp out at Lake of Outrage?”  “Oh?” She swallowed again. Phew… “Well, for starters, I really like the view. Hammerlocke at night is so breath-taking at night.” She was thankful to have found out that little information by accident during one of her campouts.  He chuckled. “You said ‘at night’ twice.”  Pink dusted her cheeks. “Well, you know what I mean!” Lower lip jutted at the little tease. Pushing her glasses properly back to the bridge of her nose, Gloria harrumphed lightly and continued her meal.  Cute.  Unbeknownst to her, her actions right now was a strike to his heart.  Calm down, me! “True.” He shrugged once, then tore his gaze away—hesitantly—to bask on the view before them. “But isn’t this place crawling with powerful Pokémon? I’m not judging your team’s strength or anything. But it seems like hardly a place for any trainer to think, ‘Hey, what a great place to camp out and hopefully not get mauled by a wild Pokémon!’”  He peeked once he heard a grunt.  “I’m still alive, aren’t I?” She jutted her tongue—by Arceus, she was killing him—and brushed away the bangs that hovered across her forehead. “Besides—”  ‘Woohoo! I got another one!’  ‘No fair! Best two outta three!’  The Gym Leader jumped at the Pokémon’s exuberant cheer, while Gloria herself only giggled in amusement. Quickly they turned around, only to see a happy Cinderace hopping above a pile of fainted wild Pangoros and Skuntanks.  What the ever-loving hell? Bede remained in stupor when he saw the Champion’s Toxtricity crossing his arms in distaste—all the while standing in front of a pile of fainted wild Grimmsnarls and Pangoros himself.  Ah. Like an idiot he stared, merely gaped even as the two chaotic Pokémon spread out back in the field for their little game.  Looks like his question was answered. ---  “Thank you so much for bringing the desserts!” Cheeks warmed in pink at the succulent taste on her tongue. “Please tell Ms Opal that they’re divine!” She could still taste the cream in her mouth. It was a pity that there weren’t any left, but Gloria was more than happy to see her team enjoying the treats just the same.  Hell, she even had to break the fight between Starlight and Gaara for the last cupcake.  It was a shame that Ares beat them to it. Oh well, the Cinderace asked for it as he ended up being chased by both Hatterene and Toxtricity.  Pride swelled up to hear endless compliments from the woman. In truth, he actually baked all the cupcakes. While it was true that the desserts were Ms Opal’s recipe, he did most of the shopping and baking in order to impress her. How could he ever forget Ms Opal’s knowing smirk as he said he wanted to bake the treats for their campout.  Arceus, if the oven ran out of heat to burn the cupcakes at that time, Bede knew the blush in his face would be enough to suffice.  Would he tell her that he baked them? No. As much as he craved for her compliments to rain down upon him, Bede figured it would be nice to let Ms Opal get the spotlight.  He knew the old woman would spill the beans anyways when Gloria paid her next visit to Ballonlea.  “I’ll tell her that.” For now, the sight of her smile was sweet enough. ---  Night time finally blanketed the sky above. True to her word, Hammerlocke truly provided such a breath-taking view once the sun was out. Thankfully, it didn’t rain. The moon was a crescent gleam tonight, so this allowed the stars to shine and sparkle their magnificence for the world to see.  “Man…” When he was a teenager, Bede was never one to look up at the stars. He was so used to looking down. To looking at his own feet. And when he did look up, the poor boy only saw broken rooftops or monstrously tall buildings. He was never one to admire nature. It was only that he lived in Ballonlea that Bede sometimes cherished the peaceful moments under the soft, soothing glow of the mystical town.  “Beautiful, isn’t it?”  Violet eyes turned to the lady next to him.  The hair was in its usual disarray, despite having it combed backwards many times after her bath in the lake. The pyjama she wore was…cute and elegant to say the least. Red and black never strayed as her choice of fashion. A splash of red here and a swirl of black there made the attire to look somewhat…passionate.  If not for the fact that a cute Cinderace icon was stitched on its back, Bede would definitely find her alluring.  …  ………  Okay. He lied. She’s alluring still even in those damn Cinderace jammies.  Her eyes never strayed from the blanket of beauty. The glasses shined faintly under the lovely glow. It only intensified the colour of red iris. It only allowed him to be enraptured by such fiery elegance.  “Yeah…” he mumbled softly. “Beautiful…”  Before she could look at him and ask about anything else, Bede quickly brought his gaze back to the stars. ---  “Well,” She stretched, “it’s getting way dark. I think it’s high-time we call it a night.” Palms pressed together and placed under her chin, Gloria looked at the silent man. Bede talked a lot during their conversation—which was expected—but to obtain silence now was a bit…unnerving.  Was this how people felt every time she remained silent at a certain topic?  None said a word next, for eyes moved to the tents that were positioned side by side. The gap between the tents and the cliffs were many steps apart, but honestly, that wasn’t the distance that Gloria felt nervous about right now.  Violet met crimson. Pink and red dusted and swirled so adorably.  “Yeah…” He needed to be convincing. “Yeah!” That’s better. He thought.  Taking a sharp breath, he looked at the short Champion. “I’ll see you later in the morning.” A mask of indifference was worn nicely on his face. He saw the hesitance, the unknown emotion that flickered in her eyes. If he was selfish, just selfish enough, Bede would think that those eyes meant—  He shook his head. “Goodnight, Gloria.” His body felt warm. His fists clenched behind his face.  A weak smile pulled her lips. “Goodnight, Bede—”  ‘GLORIA, WATCH OUT!’  Just when they were lost in their melancholic moment, it burst just like a balloon when they heard the loud chirp. Before any of them could react, a raging ball of fire zipped right between them.  Right into Bede’s tent.  Right towards the edge of the cliff.  BOOM!!!  An explosion actually made both jump from shock. Pupils shot to tiny dots. Heartbeats formed a maniacal pace. Everything happened too fast. Very fast. Both adults remained in pure stupefaction in their place. One had their baffled gaze at the Cinderace who was now cowardly hiding behind Hilda. One had a face of sheer, utter, bewilderment at the lack of tent and sprinkles of ashes.  “M-My…” Jaw dropped so low he could attract Ninjasks. “M-My…My…”  Fury now fuelled within the Champion, along with shame and regret that were quickly switched as she looked at Bede and her starter. “ARES!” She wasn’t one to raise her voice. If anything, people could say Gloria was ‘The Divine Champion’ for radiating an air of passion and grace.  Not tonight, though.  Ares merely tugged his ears downwards and crouched behind the sighing Corviknight once he heard a very fuming, very piercing, “What. Did. You. DO!” ---  She wanted to jump off a cliff.  The cliff was there, so the option was really whether she was ready to throw herself without risking being saved and scolded by her entire team.  For something that had transpired in an hour, Gloria felt like it was a long, long, long, night. Finally, after constant apologies from her and her starter, Bede finally forgave Ares—Just Ares. He figured Gloria had no fault in this except maybe the damn Scorbunny as her starter. She felt absolutely guilty, and she would feel even worse if she knew Bede was sleeping outside in the cold.  So of course the next option was to offer him his tent while she slept outside. Which he of course rejected because what kind of bastard would he be to let a woman sleep outside?  Finally, after an emotional brainstorming, the both decided to sleep in her tent. Together. Alone. Together.  Alone.  Gulp!  It seems the heat in her stomach wouldn’t disappear anytime soon. Her back faced his the moment she lay down. And she knew his back was facing hers as well as he looked at the other side.  Was he asleep? She didn’t know. Was she asleep? Of course not! Her mind was a Tangela of messes. Both arms curled and pressed against her chest, between her breasts. Breathing was in and out, calmly, forcefully. Another gulp slid down for Arceus knows how many times tonight.  She felt nervous. She felt guilty. She felt…oh damn she did not want to admit the other thing she was feeling right now.  “Sorry…”  The word slipped out before she could stop himself. She felt him fidget, and she didn’t dare to turn around. ---  While she battled her emotions, he had a battle of his own.  Here he was, lying in the same tent as her. Lying down next to her. Although Bede firmly declined and rejected her very offer to sleep in the same tent together, he would only lie to himself if it wasn’t…absolutely thrilled to share the same room as her.  “Please!” She convinced, palm roughly pressed against each other as she pleaded. “I promise it won’t be weird! I promise I’ll payback the tent that Ares burned down!”  He was fine with the latter. He just wasn’t…entirely fine with the former.  He was sure she wouldn’t be the reason for them being weird in a tent together.  But alas, she managed to convince him. It wasn’t much of a discussion anyways. As much as Bede tried to be sane about the subject, he was anything but when it comes to her.  And now, here he was, wide awake at the thought of his rival and long-time target of affection sleeping right next to him.  So close. So quiet.  Should he say something? He’s supposed to be asleep. Should he wait for her to say something? She was already asleep—  “Sorry…”  Well, guessed not.  His head tilted slightly, body still remained on his left side. He peeked as Gloria moved in her place, showing signs of guilt and nervousness.  A sigh slipped out. “Don’t be.” He looked at the clothed wall of the tent. Arms crossed tightly against his chest. Uncomfortable as he may be, Bede was too afraid to unfold himself just in case he suddenly felt…twitchy.  Silence lulled inside the tent for a few minutes. “Still…” She was at lost. “And…thank you. A lot.” Air held back behind pursed lips, Gloria slowly turned around. “Not just for forgiving Ares and me. But for today.” Hands still cupped closely to her chest. Seeing that he wasn’t about to turn anytime soon—much to her dismay—Gloria finally faced him. “I’m happy that you decided to have camp with me. I’m happy that you brought desserts and talked to about so many things. Honestly I—” She stopped. Hesitant.  He merely listened in nervous anticipation.  Crimson eyes that were free from glasses now stared at the tall man lying before her. “Bede…”  Her voice sent shivers on his skin. Her warmth seeped right into his body.  She noticed.  Dup-dap, dup-dap! The beat of one’s heart echoed in the tent. Was it hers? Was it his?  “Bede…” She tried again, lips quivered as she let out a shaky sigh. “Why…Why did you agree to camp out here with me today?”  It was a silly question. A childish one. One needn’t a valid reason to agree to her campout. He simply wanted to hang out with her. He simply wanted to catch up and talk about random stuff with her. He simply wanted to unwind from the public and get some fresh air, and she was an excuse for it.  He wanted to say all of them. Any of them.  Instead, he opted for the truth.  “I…” Eyes squinted shut, Bede released a sigh he didn’t know he held back. Arms tightened across his chest, he finally flipped and turned to face her.  Only mistake here was: neither anticipated the close distance.  They were a short breath away. The tip of her nose almost his own. Crimson eyes met a pair of dazzling violets. Both were at lost for words. Both mirrored each other by the shade of red on their faces.  Their hands were close to each other’s respective chests. None moved a muscle. None said a word.  Her eyes then gleamed the emotion he wouldn’t dare to guess hours ago.  The unspeakable emotion was back in her eyes. Hotter. Clearer. Drawing him breathless.  “I care you,” was all he responded, mouth then gaped at the foolish sentence he had ever muttered.  Heat burned straight to the tips of his ears. Having almost a clear mind to just bolt out of the tent and never to see her again, Bede instead froze in his place once he felt her palm, so warm and loving, on his left cheek.  Her smile became the answer to his doubts.

[dragonnan]

Author Interview Tag

Tagged by @aelaer a week or two ago, thank you!

Name: Tanya (among family I'm Nan or Auntie Nanny)

Fandoms: Sherlock, MCU, Psych, Prodigal Son, and a goodly collection of others

Where you post: For a number of years I posted on FFN but between the really shitty reviews and extremely cumbersome posting process I finally quit.  I posed on Psychfic while still an active part of that fandom but that, too, has pretty much ended.  I put a few stories on Wattpad but found it to be pretty meh. I now post exclusively to AO3.

Most popular multi-chapter fic: It's a tossup between “Fury” on Psychfic and “All Nighter” on AO3 – one based on comments and the other on Kudos.  Frankly “popularity” is really subjective because there's also stuff like read count and with comments, at least nearly half are replies from me and read count also includes re-reads as well as every time I clicked on the damn thing to edit so....

You know I'm just really not sure how to properly answer this??

Favorite story you’ve written so far: Like others have stated you can ask me this on three different days and get three different answers and there will be more than 1 fic mentioned every time so.... Because I write in different fandoms I just absolutely can't list a single fic.  The best I can narrow it would a fic from my top 3 fandoms.

Psych: Paint it Black.  I had read a fic where Shawn was gradually going blind and had really been enjoying it and the challenges it presented.  Sadly it was never completed.  As has happened before I decided I would write my own damn fic if I couldn't get a completed story so that was the primary motivation to start this.  What I most love about this is writing from Shawn's perspective as he navigates being blind and not knowing whether or not his condition is permanent.  I did my best to honor the experience of blind and partially blind people and tried to look beyond the cliché.

MCU: I have so much fun writing these stories! In spite of the dumpster fire the film canon became I do so love this sandbox and employing various forms of unfucking it.  So I'm gonna cheat a little and pick two for my faves here since one is a WIP.  Sed Diabolus.  I don't need to have completed it yet to know this will be my all-time favorite.  This is the first fic that has been entirely plotted out and OMG I'm so excited for iiiit!!  The second is Simple Math which seems like an odd choice given there's zero action – mostly just one character – hell, not even any whump.  But there is something about that deep dive into Tony's mindset that keeps this as a fave even though it was the first thing I ever wrote for the MCU.  I learned about Tony as I wrote this and I also worked my way through those motivations that bothered me regarding Stane.  Even years later I still mentally go back to this fic whenever I write Tony because I feel encapsulates the essence of how I see him as a character.

Sherlock:  Compared to other fandoms I'm still quite new to this fandom so I don't have nearly as many fics.  But I still have a favorite!  And, like with the MCU, it's the first story I ever wrote for this fandom; The Tiger and the Shark. Returning to a plot device I've employed in other fics, this one is built around a sexual assault and taking the character on a journey from that terrible event to the point where they rediscover themselves.  PTSD ever being my favorite form of whump I employ that fairly a lot in this story and employ some kinda radical methods for coping with those memories.  

Fic you were nervous to post: I mean until I start getting comments I'm a world of anxiety with every story I post.  But grabbing a specific fic that hit my nerves – that Sherlock fic I'd said was my fave certainly qualified.  Not only was it my first Sherlock fic – it also was charging out of the gate with a very heavy topic so yeah – I wasn't sure if people would absolutely hate it or find my characterizations totally off or what.

How you choose your titles: It varies a bit.  In some stories, like Sed Diabolus, I actually consult friends on various ideas.  Other times I'll consider songs or lyrics and my favorite thing is if I can alter the known title just a bit to make it more relevant to the fic (I did that a LOT with Psych fics which was the method the show also employed for its episode titles).  One of my favorite Psych titles is “The Wizard Was the Wicked Witch and the Scarecrow Lost His Courage”.  

Do you outline: Almost never – not until “Sed Diabolus”.  That story, though, is so astoundingly complex that without an outline I'd be hopelessly lost.  I am, though, trying to make a practice of outlining more because it helps SO much!

Complete: If we count every one-shot collection and challenge collection it likely is over 200 stories. Of course a lot of those are one-shots.  My total completed chaptered fics number maybe around 34?

In progress: 16 – between Psychfic and AO3.  All Psych stories are on long-term hiatus for the foreseeable future (some, honestly, I will never finish as they are many many years old and I've lost the inspiration for the plot). Several MCU stories are also on the back-burner while I focus on “Sed Diabolus”.  I admit I get LOTS of story ideas and staying focused on a single fic is not something I've ever been greatly successful with.

Coming soon/not yet started: I meaaaan.... lots?? I have probably several hundred ideas and partially started fics across many fandoms.  As to “imminently coming soon...” I don't think I currently have an active story that I haven't already posted at least a first chapter.  Sadly I have zero patience for developing something for months before posting which is why I have so many WIPs.  That said I DO have a Sherlock au that has been poking at me now and then involving the witch trials that started in Denmark and, eventually, made their way to Salem.  The idea would be that Molly Hooper is accused of being a witch.  She, of course, is innocent but cause this unfortunate attention due to her “uncanny” ability to heal the sick and injured (not so much uncanny as opposed to employing methods that aren't so reliant on superstition and folklore).  

She is scheduled to be tortured and executed but is saved by Sherlock – a strange recluse primarily ignored and given a pass as he solves mysteries for people. He and his friend John save Molly from this awful fate. The twist is that Sherlock is a sorcerer (bit of marvel crossover-ish) and able to transport them to safety.  

Do you accept prompts: I wish I could cause I love ideas but I don't have the time/energy to always work on what I already have and I'm awful at follow thru.  Like I will never turn away an Ask wanting to share ideas but I can't promise that I can actually write anything.

Upcoming story you are most excited to write:  As was the reply to a previous query – I have lots that are ideas that will linger in partial stages for sometimes years.  If it's “upcoming” I've already posted the first chapter lol!  But, again, I have several story ideas that whenever I poke through my folders I get excited about someday actually writing them.  Here is a teaser for an MCU fic involving Tony Stark and Obie (I still feel this was never explored enough ��� certainly not in fic):

They were doing a retrospective, ten year anniversary kinda... whatever.  Unofficial, of course. Certainly nothing Pepper would have dreamed up even at her most drunk (which, honestly, was never her scene.  Tony had sorta owned that space well beyond the time it had started owning him).  Whose idea it ultimately had been?  Frankly Tony couldn't give a fuck.  That he was asked to be one of the speakers was slightly more... awkward. Awkward was the right word, yeah?  Nauseating was certainly another and possibly a bit more accurate.

Dead for a decade and Obadiah Stane still managed to fuck with his life.

But... it hadn't always been that way. At least, not as he'd believed back when the Walkman had been on every kid's Christmas list.  

He'd thought it was bonding; at the time.  His dad had never been one for just hanging out; shooting the shit; telling tales out of school.  No, Pops, when he bothered to interact, led with questions.  “You keeping your grades up?” “You still seeing that floozy?” “When are you going to pull your head out of your ass and grow the hell up?” “You do realize it's my name you're disgracing every time you go on a bender?”

With Obie it was just, easy.  Obie might ask about school but it was always with approval and pride.  He would discuss Tony's conquests as though Tony had climbed Kilimanjaro wearing nothing but underwear and a cape.    

Obie was there when his father wasn't. Which meant that Obie was always there.  The first time he got astoundingly drunk on his father's scotch, Obie was the one to help him hunch over the toilet and vomit expensive, aged booze into the toilet.  Obie was also the one to replace the depleted bottle to keep Howard in the dark.  For a fourteen year old kid still trying to gain his dad's favor, that had meant everything.

He saw his first porn with Obie; sex education ala Traci Lords, three months shy of his fifteenth birthday.  That was the same time he was introduced to weed.  Obie had cautioned him to use it sparingly; didn't want to fry that genius brain, he'd say, and ruffle his hair.  The porn had made him uncomfortable.  Obie had turned it off and told him they could watch whatever Tony wanted.  They'd ended up changing the station to Knight Rider; smoking and munching Cheetos and laughing over their orange fingers.

It was Obie who was there, arm around his shoulders, after his parents died.  He desperately didn't want to sob in front of the man.  Things were so complicated with his dad that all he felt was blinding guilt... as though some part of him had caused this.  But Obie had filled him with bourbon until the emotions got soft around the edges and he'd sat beside the older man, head tipping gradually to the right until he was held up by Obie's shoulder.  Obie had just slung an arm around him and let Tony pass out while he rubbed a broad hand up and down his bicep.

It was strange, now, looking back with adult perspective.  A perspective that included Afghanistan and his intended execution while Obie talked about legacy and responsibility while Tony's lungs slowly seized.  He'd taken the time to sit there – arm around Tony's shoulders while one broad hand traveled up and down Tony's bicep – just like when he was a kid and Obie was the whole world.

He'd tried to remember if it had felt so... tainted... at the time.  Or if he'd always believed it was love.

Obie had never quite crossed that line. Though hindsight offered a peek into that possibility with enough clarity Tony had fought with his cramping gut for nearly thirty minutes.  He'd staved off vomiting though he was fairly certain his dignity had still been in tatters what with Bruce wandering in on his misery.

Upcoming story you are most excited about (this is basically a repeat of the above question so I decided to change it.  Do you have a future story idea you'd like to write that is not yet beyond the vague idea stage?  I love stories that put Molly in some sort of jeporady and I have a barely formed idea to someday write a “stalker fic” of some sort and not I don't care that this trope had been done on  repeat – I still love it lol!  I have a smidge of writing for it:

“I need your help.”

As afternoons at Baker Street went, this was a mundane request heard so often that Sherlock's typical reply, “Obviously, or you wouldn't be here”, could have been printed on flash cards.  The detective had actually made the suggestion after a particularly full day at the flat and having heard the statement no less than twenty times.  

Today, however, Sherlock merely blinked for a moment.  Then, with an awkwardness rare to a man with a lethal sort of grace in his movements, Sherlock gestured to John's chair, JOHN'S CHAIR, before taking his usual seat.

Molly didn't exactly smile but her lips edged up a bit before she sat.

John cleared his throat before pointing a vague hand towards the kitchen.  “I'll just go make some tea, shall I?”

“No, please, I...”  The stammer in her speech was not uncommon; though John couldn't recall such obvious fear.  Forgoing the kitchen he, instead, took the hard wooden chair facing the other two.

“Molly, what's wrong?”

Tagging: @kitcat992 @mizjoely @sgam76 @ariaadagio @hanuko @ceruleanmindpalace 

[myentertainmentthoughts]

Evangelion: I’m so conflicted...

Cool mech show!

Much ass-kicking!

Very sick!

And then...WTF?????

I’ve been keeping Neon Genesis Evangelion on my ever-growing, never-ending anime backlog for YEARS. I’m aware of the legacy and impact it has had on anime fans and culture, and how highly regarded it is. I’ve been told that it has deeper meaning and deeper themes than the typical anime - which sounds right up my alley. A chance to explore unique and strong thematic content using anime (arguably the one media form that is most plagued by stereotypes and tropes). What isn’t there to love about that? So with all of that in mind, I was quite excited to catch up and finally get on board. Yet, I was SO not prepared.

I don’t think any one CAN be, when going through it. Because Evangelion’s world building is rife with insane layers. Layers that are not apparent at all with just watching the content. I feel that creating something that is so hard to understand is inevitably divisive in its very nature.

What is the complication here? What is this anime about? Well... to loosely recap: Evangelion circles around a pseudo post-apocalyptic world in which these monstrous creatures named Angels come down to earth to cause mass chaos and destruction ALA Godzilla.

And this agency, Nerv has created these giant mecha robots named Evas to combat them. They get teenagers to pilot them and kick the shit out of the Angels. 

There’s a shadowy higher agency behind Nerv named Seele that are super mysterious. And shadowy. And mysterious. And shadowy.

It’s (generally) standard fare for a giant robot anime in premise. The format is even episodic in the same way that other robot genre animes are. In every episode, a different Angel comes down. The Evas have to find a new creative way to deal with the challenge of each specific one. Cutesy moments happen between the main characters that build their relationships with one another. Vague political maneuvering seems to be happening in the background with Nerv and Seele at all times. It all reads...until BAM!

MASS CONFUSION.

It’s largely within the last 2 episodes that this all hits, but Evangelion transforms and flips from a standard robot anime show into...”art”? But in a  Duchamp’s “Fountain”-it’s-not-a-toilet-it’s-really-art-because-real-art-is-just-perception-and-I-tricked-you-all-into-loving-a-signed-toilet  way. So in my not so humble opinion - not the GOOD kind of art.

When I finished watching the series, I thought I understood it. (Despite the cluster fuck of its 2 part finale) But after reviewing the content with online sources, and with friends who are fans of the series - even some of the most MAJOR plot points and storytelling had gone right over my head. Fans have explained to me that they watched the series young and at the time, many of Evangelion’s themes were lost on them. But what the hell was my excuse? I’m a damn adult. I just watched 26 full episodes of content. This shit got me SO damn lost - am I just...dumb?

Well. Turns out that I’m not dumb. Or at least not always dumb. Evangelion has actually gained quite a bit of noteriety for this effect that it has on people. I can now say that I’m caught up since I’ve seen the original series, End of Evangelion, and Rebuild 1.0, 2.0, and 3.0. I fully get its larger overarching concepts and mythos. What is Adam? What is Lillith? What is the Human Instrumentality Project? All of what will sound like gibberish to the non-fan, I now understand. I get the religious references and the general messages that the property revolves around. And surprisingly - I like it all. I like the concepts a lot. It’s really HOW Evangelion gets there that is kind of......bullshit. There’s so much homework to do in order to get there. I had to have my friends sit me down and explain me through it. I watched YouTube videos that recap the series and its timelines. I’ve had to delve into all the character wiki bios. At what point is your story effective as a story anymore when you have to do so much extracurricular work in order for it to communicate?

And I’m not going to lie. Evangelion is kind of a chore - not a joy. Granted, much of the original anime series is entertaining, kick-ass, and thought provoking throughout. But even having to suffer the 46 minute finale and the 1 hour, 30 min run time of the follow up movie End of Evangelion (which is honestly - the worst thing ever) felt like an inescapable time loop that refused to die. 

I love this property! I’m pretty sure I also really hate it. And sometimes, I look back and still feel confused, even though I did everything in my power to grasp it all. All of these things are true. I’m just so conflicted...

But I think it’s exactly this polarizing effect that makes Evangelion one of the most interesting properties that I’ve come across. And I fully understand why it’s the quintessential anime for anime lovers. It pushes the storytelling in a way that I feel only anime fans would ever put up with. I would not encourage it as an anime entry point for any sane person. But I do feel that there is some merit in the emotional reaction it prompts from its viewers. Whether that’s “I love Evangelion so much!” or “I hate this stupid pretentious bullshit show so much!” - at least it can say it is wholly unique, and it provokes a strong reaction. Either way.

So........... What’s the take away? Do I recommend it? I guess. I strongly recommend it. To some people? To not watch it? Or to watch it? What’s the question again? What is life? What is existence? What is the human condition? What matters anymore? What is this review? (There’s Evangelion in a nutshell - LOL) PS) The Evangelion Rebuild Series is a totally different story in that it’s incredible throughout. Now please stick the landing...because if you don’t, I’m not sure that I have the willpower to do weird, incoherent endings. FOR THE THIRD GOD DAMN TIME.

[bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture]

So in looking at my last post, it seems that the image zoomed in enough that I can finally read this damn text here:

So the shop name is ACTUALLY Ninashito (ニナシト) Momiji (黄葉), a garment / clothes shop. Which makes WAY more sense. Still can’t read the lower sign enough, but it’s probably the specific name of the office that I mentioned… a shame, I wanted to find out the name just in case it was something interesting, but alas.

Also, I realized there were translations I didn’t touch from the beginning of the chapter, so if you want to skip ahead, just scroll down to the title card / text. 

Top sign: 英会話 (eikaiwa) [school for English conversation]

I should note, however, that one of the alternate translations for that first kanji is ‘hero’, so this could also mean ‘hero talk’ - an actual pun has been found! :D

Middle sign: フシャ(Fusha/Fushiya) 薬局 (yakkyoku) [Pharmacy]

Bottom sign: 渡辺 (Onabe/Tarinabe) 会計 (kaikei) [accounting/finances] 事務所 (jimusho) [office]

Used Nanori pronunciation for the first one, since that was the company/family name. I’m sure there’s a ‘more correct’ translation based on whichever one has alternative kanji that make a pun of some kind, but I can’t be bothered.

Bridge sign: 田 (den) [rice paddy, field] 等 (tou) [etc., and so forth, class (first), quality, equal, similar] 院 (in) [Inst., institution, temple, mansion, school] 駅 (eki) [station]

While I could fumble around for a rough translation, I remembered to look for Star Wars puns, and so this is the Dentouin / Dantooine station! Though the first kanji can also be read as ‘ta,’ so this could also be the Tatouin / Tatooine station. I’m going to assume this station is close to another school, perhaps a highly regarded university that goes by the name ‘Dentouin’ or ‘Tatouin’, which this is the main stop for.

Anyways, onto the next part, which is short but packed with what I know is a scene that has caused a LOT of division among the fandom. I’ve got my own thoughts on the matter, but that can go into a separate post where I can go into depth about not just All Might’s reasoning, but also Horikoshi’s. 

[No. 1 - Midoriya Izuku: Origin]

Where we left off, Izuku had hitched a ride on All Might’s brief ‘hop’ that covered at least a few blocks, maybe more. Now they come in for a crash landing, though we don’t see any actual damage to the roof - either SOLID construction or All Might was still able to mitigate the impact. I wonder if the people in the building noticed the shake from the impact… maybe not, because of earthquake proofing? 

(Imagine a timeline where the person who lived / worked below the roof came up to investigate this and overheard this mess. And fucking saw Small Might and heard about that injury. What a world. How the FUCK do you react to that?)

(Hell, imagine if he HADN’T dropped the bottles and the Sludge Villain overheard that. He wouldn’t even try to capture someone else, he’d try to get away and blackmail All Might with that info / sell it to other criminals for lots of money.)

His soul is gone, RIP Izuku. But yeah, while Izuku’s recovering from near-death (again), All Might’s frustrated and saying he’s got no time, planning on the people downstairs to help… both of them get down? I suppose he doesn’t just want to leap off from the roof, with it possibly already damaged from that landing? Or he’s just bad experiences with leaping off of roofs that can’t handle the opposing force for his leaps?

No, it looks like he’s about to hop down from the roof and leave Izuku to it, but Izuku panics and begs for All Might to wait. All Might snaps that he won’t, but Izuku pushes forward, asking if he can be a hero without a quirk, and then asking if someone quirkless can be a hero like All Might. He isn’t repeating himself - he’s asking first whether he can be a hero at all, and then whether he can be one that… I suppose inspires and reassures others just with his presence? Man, maybe I can find out if I scroll down, hmm?

All Might starts to say something about quirks, but gets cut off with some painful attack. Imagine if he was having a heart attack while Izuku was distracted with his rambling and mumbling. Anyways, All Might’s cursing internally as he starts to steam, but Izuku doesn’t notice when he’s slouched over and staring at his hands.

Babey… also, being quirkless wasn’t the only reason he was picked on, and it’s interesting that his being picked on is the reason (or so Izuku thinks) he considers saving people to be ‘the coolest thing someone can do’... possibly because no one has ever come to Izuku’s defense? Which, fucking ouch.

(Also let’s kindly ignore the spooky specter!Might there, even if we know it’s just the smoke obscuring his features.)

In the next panel, Izuku perks up and looks right to All Might, focused on how All Might saves people with a fearless smile, and how Izuku wants to be the strongest hero like him- before cutting himself off with a scream on seeing Toshinori’s thin, raggedy true form.

Alright, so I couldn’t just choose one part of this page, it’s all fucking flawless and deserves to be viewed in its natural, uncropped state. I have the executive right, I’ve been very restrained with my choices of panels up until now, I am allowed one (1) full page.

(...don’t mind that I probably will have others a bit later, most notably in the next post.)

But seriously, I fucking love how Izuku starts out by accusing him of being all shriveled up, and then calling him a fake or imposter because of being so thin. Meanwhile, Toshinori, so totally done with Izuku’s shit, just says nothing for a long moment before finally saying calmly and clearly that he is, in fact, All Might… with blood gushing from his mouth. Which, of course, makes Izuku freak out again and deny it.

(God, imagine making this into a Star Wars scene knockoff. Doing the dramatic ‘no, it’s not true, there’s no way’ and Toshinori playing into that unintentionally.)

Toshinori brings up the ‘holding in the gut’ thing for his big form, and Izuku says ‘no way’ again. Then Toshinori sits down and brings up the ‘fearless smile’ bit, and then tells Izuku not to bring up the ‘real him’ on the internet… to which Izuku gives another shaky ‘no way’. Methinks the boy was broken and not actually processing anything at the moment.

And then Izuku gets to see the reality of heroics firsthand:

Yeah, that’s fucking GRUESOME, how did he survive that?? And continue living for FIVE YEARS afterwards? Fucking hells. Izuku’s expression really says it all. And hell, his lungs nearly destroyed, his stomach gone… this man is the most stubborn human being on the planet, and we’re only going to see more of that going forward.

Izuku immediately brings up Toxic Chainsaw, but is still clearly freaking out over this entire revelation. Toshinori says no, that lowlife couldn’t leave an injury like that on him, and says that the fight that did it never went public, because he asked it not to. Still, I have to wonder how it was covered up, a fight of that magnitude should have been intense enough to bring down a mountain… 

All I can really assume is that, unlike the drawn out battles fanon assumes, this was actually a fast, dirty, and brutal underground battle that could have been passed off as an earthquake since there was no ‘visible’ fighting. It would also make it easier to cover up if there was no way for there to be footage or eyewitnesses… I think I might run with that interpretation for now.

horikoshi, end of ch 1: I don't feel like I can accurately convey All Might's intensity and dignity through Toshinori's eyes.

also horikoshi ch 1:

Damn sir, save some talent for the rest of us (not that I can draw particularly well anyways…)

Toshinori says that he smiles to stave off the pressure and fear inside himself, shocking Izuku again. While Izuku’s world slips from under him, Toshinori then says that ‘a pro should always be ready to risk his life’ and that without power, he doesn’t think it’s possible for someone to become a hero - crushing Izuku into speechlessness.

He says nothing as Toshinori suggests becoming a police officer if he wants to help people, and that villain custody officers do admirable work even if mocked (which, yeah, tell the kid who gets picked on to go into a profession where he’d get mocked… Toshi, I like you a lot, but sometimes you say dumb shit and I wanna groan.)

Toshinori ends the conversation with the ‘it’s not wrong to dream, but you need to be realistic, kid’ thing that I know a lot of people deride and tear him down for, and this is not the post I’m going to share my thoughts about it in. Plus, well, I’m sure there’s much better meta out there than I could come up with, and I can’t really change minds anyways, so. Yeah, Toshinori slams the door on the roof and on Izuku’s dreams, all at once.

As he goes down the stairs, he thinks about getting the guy to the police while checking his pockets, swatting several times at the empty pockets as the realization sets in, right before an explosion goes off in the distance and he panics. 

We then arrive at the source of the explosion, and get this page:

Main panel:

Sign 1: 罔 (mou/bou) [net] 青果 (seika) [vegetables, produce] 店 (mise) [shop]

(Technically this can be the second kanji of a pair that, when put together, mean ‘deception/swindling’ [欺罔] (kimou) or ‘slander’ [誣罔] (fumou). I have no idea if those are relevant.)

Sign 2: 田辺 (Okanabe) [name?] 商店 (shouten) [shop]

(First kanji can also be read as ‘inaka’ ‘tan’ ‘de’ tou’ or ‘ya’. I’m sure one of those is some kind of meaningful name or pun or reference I don’t know.)

生活 (seikatsu) [living, life (one's daily existence), livelihood] 

雑貨 (zakka) [miscellaneous goods, general goods, sundries]

Mt. Lady’s panel:

Hanging sign: チャーミークソーツ (Chaamiikisoutsu)

(Not sure how this breaks up or translates, and that last katakana could also be ‘n’, so.)

Wall sign: 喫茶 (tea house/coffee shop) ヤマダ (Yamada)

Death Arms panel:

古着 (furugi) [old clothes, secondhand clothing]

With that out of the way, there’s a LOT to take in from this two page spread. First off, the art is fucking INCREDIBLE, like, hot DAMN I am in awe and this is Hori at the START of the series. Just. Fucking hells. Where do I start?

Firstly, Katsuki is somehow not completely enveloped in the same way Izuku was, possibly because his quirk is acting somewhat as a deterrent? I mean, I understand the dramatic tension, but also like, how? And yikes, that unconscious guy there… I don’t think he’s dead, but like, considering how things look at the moment…

The bottom panels show that Katsuki is very firmly resisting letting the ‘mudman’ take his body, while the villain… somehow seems to think that body will be enough to let him win against All Might. Like, dude, seriously? What’s your plan going into this supposed confrontation? Hoping that All Might will go easy because the body looks like a teenager? And that he won’t gut-punch you and have you spewed right back out?

The crowd watches on, totally unconcerned, because as far as they’re concerned, the kid will be fine as soon as the heroes rescue him. Like, this is just entertainment, it’s not like a kid’s fighting for his damned life or anything.

Going to the top left, we see Mt. Lady can’t fit into the narrow street because her size is too large, though it seems like she technically can fit? I think it’s more an issue of mobility and being able to act without scraping against signs and whatnot. Or just a weird angle?

Kamui Woods is shown pulling Katsuki’s two followers and another civilian (possibly a kid?) out of harm’s way, saying that he’s weak to explosive fires and that someone else will have to handle it. 

Backdraft is shown handling the fires because the firefighters have yet to show up, and then checks in on the others.

Death Arms and that unnamed hero with the baseball catcher themed outfit are watching on, saying that the villain’s too slippery but that the hostage is resisting, and that they can’t do anything against him. 

Basically, several of them are doing something, others are not. 

Onto the next page. Katsuki continues to struggle, and the villain continues to use his quirk to fight off anyone who gets close, like this bird masked guy who I also think is unnamed. And so we get this infamous moment:

And while technically good reasons are given for them to not be able to get close, it’s also, like. You’re still watching a kid die while saying that there’s nothing to be done except wait and pray, which is like. Pretty sus, dudes. Death Arms privately wishes he had the power to blow the villain away, and then we see Toshinori at the back of the crowd, realizing the villain was dropped while he was dealing with Izuku. He clutches at his throbbing side, chastising himself for losing track of time and dealing with the fan, all while calling himself pathetic.

And that’s where I’m ending this off, because this is getting pretty long and there’s no other good breaking point before the very end, so. Next post is gonna be pretty damned long (16 pages of the manga!), so I’ll see how long it takes me to get that done!

[melodiouswhite]

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde rewritten - Ch. 32

32. Sympathy and tenderness

(A/N: Excessive mention of rape. Sorry.)

Hyde had no bloody clue, how he'd managed to drag himself all the way home, being in the agony he was. But somehow he had.

When he finally entered Jekyll's house, he slammed the back door shut after himself and fell to his knees from exhaustion and pain.

“Jekyll?”, he called out hoarsely, “Can you hear me?”

“I can hear you”, his creator’s voice answered.

His reflection in the mirror morphed into that of Jekyll, who stepped out of the mirror with a sombre expression.

Hyde smiled bitterly. “What's with that face, Doctor? You look as if you actually feel bad for me!”

“I do, Hyde”, the older whispered gently, “Believe it or not, I feel almost as horrible about it as you do.”

The brunette laughed: “It's kind of funny. I'm depraved to the core, but I've never felt so impure and defiled in my entire life.”

“Me neither”, Jekyll agreed sadly, “After all, we're in the same boat. I … I came out as a shadow, when I sensed that you weren't feeling well. I saw everything … oh, Edward, it was so awful!”

Hyde looked at him in surprise. “Why the hell are you crying?!”

“No, the real question is, why are you not?”

The smaller man ground his teeth. “Crying is for the weak.”

The blond shook his head. “Hyde, it's not like you to pretend. You don't have to be strong. Not now, not here, not in front of me. It's okay to hurt. It's okay to cry.”

Hyde tried not to, he really did.

But it was impossible.

He was hurting in every way, humiliated, angry, upset and just wanted it to stop.

He began to sob.

Jekyll took him in his arms and they both wept.

It was late afternoon, when their crying subsided and Hyde sat on the floor alone, desperate for shelter and comfort.

By this time Jekyll was no longer corporeal. He had kept that form up as long as he could, but it had taken too much energy and he'd been forced to return into Hyde's head.

“He-Henry”, he croaked, “E-everything hurts … what do I do?”

“You need medical attention”, Jekyll answered tiredly, “I can't help you. So you have only one option.”

Hyde's eyes widened in horror. “Are you serious?!”

“Yes.”

“But … Lanyon … he will …”

“He won't judge. Not you. It wasn't your fault.”

Jekyll sounded so confident, that he gave in.

Lanyon had just seen off the last patient, when his butler informed him, that a visitor was waiting in the parlour.

The hoary doctor frowned. “A visitor without notice?”

“The young man probably has a good reason for that”, the butler replied, “He looks absolutely awful.”

That got his attention. He went to the parlour hoping, that it wasn't who he feared it was.

Alas, he was disappointed, when he came in and found Edward Hyde waiting.

He wanted to make a snarky remark, but then he saw the brunette's state:

Hyde was even more pallid than usual, his eyes more sunken in, the rims around them darker, as if he hadn't slept in days. There was a nasty bruise on his forehead (probably at least a day old and provisionally nursed). His eyes were red and puffy, he must have been crying. He was supporting himself on his walking cane, but had visible trouble to keep himself upright.

He looked up, saw him and rasped: “I need medical attention.”

It sounded pathetic. Broken.

And Lanyon hated it.

If Hyde was suffering, Jekyll had to be as well.

But he didn't show what he was thinking.

“Very well”, he said calmly, “But perhaps you should sit down-”

“I can't”, Hyde interrupted him quietly. “I can't. It hurts way too much to sit.”

A sense of foreboding crept into the doctor's heart.

“… That answers the question of where the problem is, I suppose. Can you lay on your stomach?”, he asked, pointing to the cot in the corner. The younger one nodded.

“You're obviously tired”, Lanyon continued, “Perhaps you want to rest first. And you look dehydrated. Do you want some tea?”

The brunette smiled gratefully and nodded.

Lanyon helped him over, covered him with a blanket and went to give the orders and fetch his medical equipment. But first, he placed a bucket next to Hyde's head – he did look quite sick.

When he came back, the poor boy was hurling. Within a second, he was by his side with a pot of water and gently rubbing his back.

“Oh dear”, he mumbled, “Mr. Hyde, what's the matter? What happened to you?”

Hyde laughed hoarsely: “I can't answer that question without making it sound like a horror tale.”

Alright, now the sense of foreboding was festering.

Oh my god, please don't let it be what I think it is, please, please, please, he prayed desperately.

He handed the younger man the pot of water. “Some water, for your throat”, he told him and added uncomfortably, “Perhaps we should wait until your stomach has settled down-”

“No”, Hyde choked, “I want to get it over with as soon as possible.”

Lanyon sighed sadly. “As you wish. But you'll have to strip of your inexpressibles, I'm afraid.”

The brunette nodded hesitantly. Lanyon helped him to stand up and offered to help, but Hyde refused vehemently.

The white-haired doctor looked away out of decency and tried not to show his pity, as the other obviously struggled to do as asked of him.

Finally Hyde spoke up: “I'm ready. But Dr. Lanyon, before we get to it: I must ask, that you will remain professional and do your work and nothing more.”

Lanyon turned back to him and nodded solemnly. “Of course, Mr. Hyde. Now, lie back down and spread your legs, please*. I know it's a compromising position, but-”

“I know, I know!”, the brunette snapped. “Just get it over with!”

He spread his legs like a female patient. The young man was shaking like a leaf and his eyes were wide with fear. As if he was trying his best to have faith in the other, but was too frightened and upset to do so.

He only allows me to look at it, because Jekyll trusts me, Lanyon realised.

The doctor began to examine the other's lower body, but his mismatched eyes widened in horror, when he saw the injuries that caused the brunette so much pain.

“Oh my God …”, he breathed. “Jesus Christ!”

“Jesus Christ doesn't care”, Hyde commented coldly.

Lanyon ignored the blaspheme remark.

He had to focus on swallowing his rage.

Hyde wasn't Jekyll, but he was a part of him. Hurting him meant hurting Jekyll too.

And that made the hoary man's blood boil.

Someone had dared to lay hand on his best friend! Had touched and defiled him in the worst possible way! He would fucking kill him! He would find the bastard, who had done this and do the most gruesome things to him that he could think of!

Hyde's voice tore him back to the moment. “You're not going to make me explain what happened, are you?”

It was an anxious question, a plea.

Lanyon shook his head. “You don't need to, Mr. Hyde. It's obvious.”

He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down.

“You don't happen to know the guy who did this, do you?”

The patient shook his head. “No. The one I suspect is a complete stranger. I don't know who it was.”

“Dammit”, Lanyon grumbled. “Because I really want to kill him. Shove the barrel of my gun up his arse and pull the trigger.”

“I'd love to see that”, Hyde chuckled weakly, “And hear his screams of agony, as he dies a slow and painful death.”

Lanyon nodded grimly and took another deep breath.

“I'm going to tend to your injuries now”, he told the smaller man. “Sadly I've run out of chloroform, so this will hurt a lot.”

The other nodded. “I know. You'll have to fix me to the cot. I don't think I'll be able to hold still the entire time.”

Lanyon heeded the advice and then went to work.

The procedure was painful for both of them.

For Hyde obviously, for Lanyon, because he couldn't bear to see the other in so much pain.

Not only because this was Jekyll suffering (well, specifically his darker half, but it counted!), but also because Edward Hyde was young, slender and very small. The culprit probably had thought that the brunette was an underage Mary Ann**, which made this whole thing even sicker.

Finally the doctor was finished with his work, leaving the patient drained, but relieved. Lanyon untied him and handed him his pants.

“I'm afraid, this is all I can do”, Lanyon told him apologetically, “Also, you shouldn't eat any solid food for the next days. This needs to heal.”

“Great”, Hyde grumbled, “More soup.”

The older man continued: “Good news is, once the wounds have healed sufficiently, you will be fine. No permanent physical damage.”

“Lucky me”, the younger deadpanned.

“I know it's no comfort.”

“It's not.”

Lanyon hated how helpless he was in this situation.

He had been able to patch up the physical injuries, but never would he be able to mend the wounds left on Jekyll's and Hyde's soul. Even if the wounds healed, the scars would never fade.

Knowing that was unbearable.

“Don't make that face, Doctor”, Hyde said, “You've done all you could. And that was more than enough. I will be fine.”

“Will you?”, queried Lanyon. “Mr. Hyde, stop pretending that you're not hurting on the inside – the other inside”, he added poignantly, when the brunette lifted an eyebrow.

“You're forgetting, that I have known you – that is, Jekyll – for forty years. Your act doesn't fool me.”

He opened his arms. “Need a hug?”

Hyde bit his lip. His acid green eyes lost a bit of their brightness and specks of brown appeared. Jekyll was breaking through his defences, Lanyon realised.

Then the younger nodded silently.

Hyde didn't know how long they had been sitting in this weird position, but eventually he calmed down. Somehow he was able to think clearly now and his emotions were becoming less overwhelming.

For someone who was so easy to unnerve, Lanyon sure had a stabilising aura of reliability to himself.

But then again, this is why Jekyll clung to him for fifteen years, isn't it? Why he loved and needed him so much? Because he made him feel sane?

“Thank you, Lanyon”, he whispered finally.

The hoary doctor smiled. “You're welcome.”

“What time is it?”, he inquired.

Lanyon checked his watch. “It's half past nine.”

Huh. Was it really that late?

The older man handed him his walking cane. “Honestly, I think my work is done so far. Right now, you don't need me any longer.”

Hyde blinked in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Lanyon looked at him seriously. “I gave you medical attention, but you also need someone to help you get the justice you deserve. Mr. Hyde, what you need now is a lawyer.”

Oh.

Right.

A lawyer.

“Shall I call you a cab to Utterson's place?”

Hyde shook his head.

The other frowned. “It's pouring outside and you're still in pain. You shouldn't-”

“I know”, the brunette muttered, “But I walked all the way here from Jekyll's home. I'll manage.”

Lanyon shook his head and gave up. “Well, suit yourself. You two are goddamn stubborn, trying to dissuade you would be pointless.”

“Exactly”, Hyde agreed. “I'll be on my way, then. Thank you for the medical attention. Oh, and Dr. Lanyon?”

“Hm?”

Hyde regarded him with genuine gratitude and said: “You're a good fellow and a wonderful friend. Jekyll is lucky to have you.”

At first, Lanyon looked shocked. Then he smiled lopsidedly.

“You are lucky to have me.”

He laughed throatily. “Yes, I guess I am.”

Then he left.

Utterson was stacking away the last of his paper work, when he heard a knock from the door.

Looking through the spy hole, he couldn't see anything, so he opened the door to check.

To his surprise, it was none other than Edward Hyde standing in front of him. He was completely drenched, shaking like a leaf and supporting himself on his walking stick.

“H-hey”, the wet man stammered.

“Edward! My god, you're soaked! What were you doing outside in this weather?! Get out of these wet clothes, I'll find you a towel and something dry.”

The lawyer pushed him into the living room, near the fireplace and brought him some tea.

When he came back with a nightgown, morning coat and three towels in his arms, Hyde had peeled out of most of his clothes and was hiding behind the armchair like a frightened animal.

This was so very wrong … he felt his heart twist painfully.

But Utterson saved the questions for later and helped the young man dry up and put on the dry clothes. The poor man was still shivering, so he shooed him into his own bed.

“Good grief, out there in this weather at this hour! What happened? You're a mess!”

“Yes”, Hyde replied softly and lay down carefully. “A mess …”

His lip was quivering.

His voice was hoarse and shaking.

His eyes were slightly damp.

He was on the verge of tears, Utterson realised and his heart twisted even further.

“Wait a bit”, he told the brunette gently, “I'll get you some more tea-”

“No!”, the smaller cried suddenly, startling him. “Don't … don't go … I … I …”

The lawyer sat at the edge of the bed. “I'm not going anywhere. But Edward, please tell me what happened.”

“Don't worry”, Hyde muttered, “That's what I came for.”

Then he slowly sat back up. “Oh! I can sit again!”, he remarked, “I must thank Lanyon tomorrow, he did a good job.”

Utterson began to fret. Couldn't the other just tell him already what the matter was?!

But then Hyde began to do exactly that: “It won't be pretty, Gabriel, so brace yourself.

It was last Friday night, I was at the pub to get up the knocker – you know, the usual. Something was different this time, though. But this time there was this stranger, who asked to sit with me. That in itself was weird – no one ever wants to sit with me – so I got suspicious, but I didn't say anything about it. Then my first shot came and I must have been distracted for a moment, I don't remember. Anyway, I was already dizzy after half a glass, so it must have been spiked. So I didn't drink the rest, paid for it and left. But it was pretty difficult to get forward in the darkness and the rain – I don't even know, if I was walking into the right direction. At some point I had to lean against a wall, I think. Then, suddenly I heard a voice behind me and someone threw me against the wall several times. Of course that and the drug made me pass out.

The next thing I remember is waking up today morning, in the flat of one of the girls I frequent. My entire body was hurting like hell, especially my arse and back. She told me what had happened, but it wouldn't have been hard to guess anyway.

Jekyll said that he saw what happened, because he was out in his shadow form. He tried to keep the memories from me, but he isn't as good at it as I am. They came to me on the way here. Fun times. Seeing pictures in my head, of how that bastard defiled my entire body. Then he left me to die, unconscious and covered in blood and filth.”

He hugged himself and looked away, while the lawyer stared at him in horror and disbelief.

When it all sank in, Utterson felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.

“You don't believe me, do you?”, Hyde asked in a hushed, broken voice. “Or if you do … you're disgusted with us, aren't you? With me and Jekyll? Because we allowed someone to do this to-?”

“Shhhh”, the lawyer whispered. “Edward … please look at me.”

When the young man turned his head to look at him, his eyes were brimming with tears.

“Of course I believe you. Why would I not? And I'm not disgusted – not with you two anyway. Just the piece of filth, who did this to you.”

The thought was sickening.

Someone touching Hyde – and therefore Jekyll – like that.

And why the hell was Hyde chuckling?!

“I deserved it. It's not like I was any better. And at least something good came out of it”, he remarked.

The older man frowned. “What good could possibly come out of such a thing?!”

“It taught me to respect women and that a no is a no. Don't give me that look, Mr. Utterson”, he added coolly, when the lawyer frowned. “Did you really believe that I was respectful or even kind to the whores I screwed? Or that I cared, whether they wanted to serve me or not?”

The black-haired man sighed: “No. I'm just disappointed, that Henry Jekyll is a rapist.”

Hyde lifted an eyebrow. “You're surprisingly calm about it. We expected you to freak out.”

“There is nothing I can do about it now. Anything else I should know?”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, neither of us ever touched anyone younger than eighteen. That's the minimum age for Jekyll. My partners must be older than twenty.”

Utterson tilted his head. “To be honest, that does make me feel better. But back to the matter at hand; the culprit. Did you know him, or if not, do you remember what he looked like?”

“I didn't know him, but I do remember his appearance. A bit taller and bulkier than you. Two, three inches, maybe. Broad shoulders, wild red hair and freckles. Irish accent, a very deep voice-”

Suddenly Hyde broke off. His green eyes widened, as if in revelation.

“Edward?”, the lawyer asked carefully.

“That man”, the younger whispered. “It was the same as the one who shot me!”

His face twisted with anger and he jumped up.

“It was him! I knew he was familiar! How did I not recognise him?! That bastard! I should have killed him right on the-!”

Utterson pressed his hands onto the other's shoulders and pushed him back into a sitting position.

“Edward, I know that you're angry, but you need to calm down. Don't play into his hands by becoming his murderer. He will face justice, I give you my word. But you have to keep it together.”

“Keep it together!”, Hyde gasped out angrily, “I let him fucking drug and violate me and now I'm-”

“You didn't let him do anything”, Utterson grimly cut him off. “This wasn't your fault, Edward. It was his fault for being such a perverse individual. I bet he thought you were an underage rent boy or a Mary Ann. You do look a bit like it at first glance.”

“Gee, thanks a lot!”, the younger retorted sarcastically. “That totally wouldn't hurt my pride, if I had any to begin with!”

The lawyer cringed. “Forgive me. I didn't mean to add insult to injury.”

He stood up. “Lie back down, alright? I will get you more tea and something to eat.”

Hyde smiled lopsidedly. “Well, I haven't eaten in two days, so that would be appreciated.”

Utterson couldn't help but smile. “I'll see what I have. Oh, and one more question!”

“Hm?”

“The woman, who saved you. Did you repay her somehow?”

The brunette nodded. “Yes, actually. With 200 £ and a promise to never hurt her again. After all, she did save my life and patched me up as best as she could.”

Utterson nodded in approval.

Two hundred Pounds were a lot of money, but considering what had happened, Jekyll would surely forgive his other half.

He went down to the kitchen, cut a few pomegranates (Lady Summers had given him some from her own greenhouse) and went back up.

Hyde's mood brightened immediately, when he saw the bowl full of pomegranate seeds. His face looked adorable like that, but this was not a good time to think further on it.

“I'm afraid that's all I have right now, since it's Sunday night. Personally, I'm not a fan of them”, Utterson said and gave him the bowl. “But I thought just in case you come here, I might as well get something you like. My favourite food always cheers me u– aaand you inhaled them”, he ended lamely, when the brunette devoured the seeds within less than ten seconds.

“What? I told you I was hungry”, Hyde stated.

Well, at least he didn't get anything onto my nightgown, the lawyer thought drily and handed him a handkerchief.

“Obviously. How are you feeling now?”

Hyde's face fell again and he shook his head.

“It's ironic, really. I feel so tainted and worthless”, he croaked. “I, Edward Hyde, who is but the embodiment of everything that taints Henry Jekyll. I'm not even a real-”

Utterson shook his head and put his hands on the other's shoulders again.

“Hush”, he whispered. “Don't speak that way. None of this is true. Being Jekyll's darker half doesn't make you tainted. Neither does what that scum did to you. Was this the first time you were penetrated like that?”

The brunette lowered his head and nodded.

“Edward. It doesn't count.”

Hyde's head whipped back up, disbelief edged into his face. “What's that supposed to mean?!”

The black-haired man gently kneaded his shoulders and explained: “Your virginity is something you have to give willingly. Something taken without consent and by hurting someone is worth nothing. Your body may be wounded and bruised, but it won't become impure or dirty, because of something that wasn't your fault or even your choice. You haven't chosen to give yourself, Edward, and that's why what he did to you doesn't count. The only things that can tarnish you, are the choices you make and the things you do.”

Throughout his talk, the boy's eyes had filled with tears and now they were running down his face like torrents.

“That's … the biggest balderdash I ever heard! It makes … no sense whatsoever!”, he choked. “Goddammit, Gabriel! Quit making me so bloody sentimental all the time!”

“Sorry”, Utterson apologised, “I'll try. No guarantees, though.”

“I hate being like this!”, Hyde sobbed, “I hate being so fucking pathetic!”

“Edward …”

“I want to forget it! I want to forget, that this ever happened! I want to stop feeling these things and go back to being the unfeeling, cold-hearted creature that I was!”

“Edward …”

The brunette dug his fingernails so deeply into his arms that blood started to seep through the sleeves of the nightgown.

“I want it to stop!”, he cried in anguish. “I want it to stop, damn it! Make it stop! Help me forget it all! Make me forget who I am and not think about anything but that I'm here with you! You're so good at that, Gabriel. Calm my nerves and my mind! Make me feel like I'm more than just the personified sins and vices of someone else! Make me feel like I'm human!”

“Edward!”

The black-haired man pried the other's hands away from his arms, embraced him and let him cry into his chest. The smaller man clung to him like a lifeline, while Utterson stroked his back and his long, dark brown hair with the other.

“Edward. Look at me”, he pleaded.

Oh so hesitantly, the younger looked into his eyes. The older took a napkin out of his waistcoat and wiped the blood off Hyde's arms.

“You're not pathetic. You're hurt, angry and upset and there is nothing pathetic about that. I've told you many times before and I will tell you again. You're far more than just the personified darker half of Henry's soul. You're human. You're a man. Always were and always will be. You're not the lesser being you think you are.”

Hyde's acid green eyes were full of doubt.

“Prove it!”, he rasped, “Prove to me that I'm a person and not the monster everyone things I am!”

The lawyer acted out of instinct.

Hyde blinked in confusion, as the taller man cupped his face and bent down slightly.

“Gabriel …?”

He didn't get to finish the question.

Utterson had no idea, what prompted him to lay his lips upon Hyde's.

Or why he had thought that he could just give the other a gentle peck on the lips.

Because that had been his intention: a harmless, quick and chaste peck.

Stupid him.

As if Hyde ever wouldn't be Hyde enough to crave more than just that fleeting touch.

Next thing he knew was that the young man was kissing him back with passion and entangling his spidery fingers in his greying hair.

Utterson felt his face flush. He felt his heart beat higher and a strange fuzziness in his stomach.

Yet at the same time, he felt a sting in his heart.

What am I doing? My first kiss was supposed to be with Henry, yet here I am …

The thought was quickly banished, however. Hyde gently pushed him down onto the bed and crawled on top of him, not breaking the kiss for a split of a second.

Never would the black-haired man have imagined, that this would feel so … right. That he would ever willingly make out with Edward Hyde and like it.

But Hyde was so skilled and good at it, and his lips tasted like the pomegranate seeds he had eaten earlier.

It was wonderful. Addictive. It took his breath away.

It made him feel … desire. He had never felt desire before. It was so unfamiliar, yet it felt so good.

He moaned softly and clasped the other's thin waist.

But after a while, the need for air became too great and they parted, both wheezing for breath.

“Whoa …”, Utterson gasped. “Edward …”

With hooded eyes, he gazed at the smaller man, who was currently panting on top of him.

His eyes were glowing with emotion and a rosy blush had painted his pale cheeks.

In that moment, he looked stunningly beautiful.

“That was … unexpected”, he remarked breathlessly.

Then he giggled: “That really was your first kiss.”

It wasn't a question.

Utterson blushed harder and asked sheepishly: “Was it that obvious?”

Hyde nodded. “Quite so. Your lips quivered. And you were so awkward, clumsy and timid, there is no way you could've had any experience.”

The black-haired man was peeved by the smug grin on the brunette's face. But any snappy retort he could have made died in his throat, when he saw the softness in those green eyes.

“No one has ever given me their first kiss before”, Hyde confessed. Then, more seriously: “You saved your first kiss for Jekyll, didn't you? Why did you kiss me instead?”

That was a good question.

Why had he kissed him?

Because he had felt like he had to do it? Because the younger had needed it? Because he had wanted to? Because he'd had something to prove?

None of those … but he had no idea what the truth was.

“I … I do not know”, he finally admitted.

“Do you regret it?”

Utterson considered.

Eventually he smiled and said: “No. I don't regret kissing you.”

Hyde relaxed and smiled back.

And then, suddenly – a lion yawn.

Seemed like exhaustion was finally catching up to a certain someone.

The lawyer chuckled and pulled the covers over them.

“Sleep, Edward. I'll stay with you.”

Hyde snuggled into him and fell asleep soon after.

Utterson wrapped his arms around him and closed his eyes.

Never mind, that he was still fully dressed.

---

* I don’t know how anal injuries were treated back then (if at all), so I improvised.

** Mary Ann - Victorian slang for an effeminate man, sometimes (but not necessarily) a male prostitute.

In summer 1885 (before my story begins), the age of consent was raised from 13 to 16 years old (by the same Act that criminalised homosexuality).

My Hyde looks younger than 16 years old at first glance (being so small and slight), so a stranger would mistake him for a 12/13-year-old, just by looking at his face.

[gothsic]

☼ - and so... MARIE appears. - @citialiin​​, what will you choose?

perhaps some of you will be surprised to see her face, when she has not been given a chance to speak yet. but why should she, when the truth was that she was quite far away from the situation at hand? yes. she really did want to separate herself from him, but the more she tried, the more impossible it became. somehow, he found ways to sneak into her life - crawl into the spaces that were left behind, growing dusty from neglect.

allow ourselves an intermission from your regularly scheduled despair to get a look into the mind of one annette kaye, whose past as marie samson is one that you are all likely familiar with already. but the trouble is that annie was, quite unfortunately, never allowed to be given a chance away from the rather catastrophic existence that was jonathan vastielle. in a way, she was never going to escape the past - it was always there, ready and willing to catch up with her. and my, what fast feet it had! but perhaps the answer was not to run away, but to acknowledge that it happened, and simply move forward.

it was a shame then, that jonathan had approached her that fateful night - not the one you might all know, but one after a particular incident had happened. and yes, she had been watching from the sidelines; though she wanted nothing to do with him, there was something gratifying about watching him fall from grace. regardless, she maintained her distance; not answered a word he said, not bothered to acknowledge him wherever she might have seen him in the real world ( and yes, he had a troubling way of making his presence known ). but, in a disconcerting twist of events, he had made himself known to her with a crazed grab of her arm as she took the first step up her doorway and tried her best to evade him. she was not going to let him, no, not this time. he could sink back into the misery from whence he came! but, alas, those bloodshot eyes, that quivering lip, all of it begot the phrase he uttered next; shakily so:

“ help me, just... i can’t do this anymore! don’t let me fuck up again... please. “

how uncharacteristic of him. how out of character. that desperate plea, enough to rattle the mind of anyone who heard it, especially disturbed annie that night. was he out of his mind, approaching her there? so obvious? she could have easily called the cops on him, and yet he had still risked it. perhaps it was the alcohol on his breath ( he reeked that night, she recalled with a grimace and turn of her nose ) that gave away the extent of his recklessness. yes. that must have been it. something must have disturbed him enough to resort to this, the escape.

ziggy stardust. that was the key in this puzzle - and across from him she sat in the present. how did it come to be like this, in the middle of this fancy dining room with the candles set out in front of them and her face made-up, hair done, and little black dress that went to her ankles worn due to the restaurant’s dress code? the answer was both simple and complicated, and really did send her often self-conscious mind in a bit of a whirl.

that night, she had humored him, watched him break down in front of her. it truly was a pathetic sight, but also not quite unlike watching a puppy wander lost through the pouring rain, unable to find shelter. he truly did look as though he had no other recourse than to turn to her, the one whom he had treated as his personal therapist for so long. true, part of her fumed that she had even bothered to listen to his drunken ramblings of his monstrousness, his self-imposed isolation, and god knew what else. all she knew by the time he had wiped away at his tear-stained cheeks was the unusual amalgam of varying emotions filling her heart, making her chest hurt: anger, exhaustion, but above all else... sadness. sadness for him, really. he truly was a lost cause. it seemed as though that flamboyant musician really had gotten under his skin, just as she had. and yet... what had she said?

“ if you think you fucked up so badly, just go talk to him. “

however, she doubted that jonathan would even do such a thing in the first place. still, he had come to her, had he not? truthfully, the entire situation was so strange that she, too, found herself getting wrapped up in the entire farce that was being put on display before her very eyes. jonathan... liking someone enough and feeling desperately lonely enough to regret how terribly he treated them? surely, the sky was falling, she thought at the time. the devastation that was present in her eyes had made the situation all the more uncomfortable.

and perhaps that was why she tracked the musician down directly, making sure to grab his attention as best she could.

“ i don’t want an autograph. ...it’s about jonathan vastielle; the guy whose artwork you were supposed to use? just hear me out. “

what was she doing? did she not vow to leave jonathan behind in the quicksand in which he continued to sink? maybe so, and still, she was keeping true to that promise. who knew how many times jonathan was going to come to her home, keep pestering her, make it so that she would have to file a restraining order against him ( though that may not have stopped him in this state ). it was best, she had decided, to get things to a stable end - and perhaps she held some responsibility in the matter. after all, she was marie samson. he had involved her, and she had gotten entangled in his affairs all those years ago.

she really did pity him. that breakdown of his... was there a chance? truly a chance that he could improve? become something better than what he currently was? that sadness and hopelessness in his eyes were not the eyes of the monster who had toyed with her emotions and yet become so ravenous for her. no. it was something else. something... truer to the self that lay trapped behind the wall with its many bricks and foundations, not haphazardly maintained.

a little boy, crying for the chance he never had to truly be good.

“ um, look. “ she paused, brushing a strand of her away from her ear. “ i really did mean what i said earlier. i wanted to talk to you about this because, i think, anyway, that he’s... he’s a complicated case. i would know. i mean, i’ve said that already, but... “

nervously, her fingers toyed with the bridge of her glasses, adjusting them against her nose - pushing them up, though there was no need for adjustment. it was strange, surreal, actually, finally getting a chance to talk for the first time. really talk. sure, she had been honest with him before about the nature of jonathan’s disease ( not any specific, textbook disease, but his entire being ought to have been compared to a rotting corpse - the stench would fill up the lives of any who associated with him, but... ). and yet still, she was here, trying to convince him of something... well, maybe completely mad.

“ he hurt me. yeah. he did; i’ll never forgive him for that, and i’m sure all his past relationships, platonic and romantic won’t forgive him either, but... i don’t know. what he did that night was unlike anything he’d ever done before. it was just... “ a pause, as her gaze glossed over - becoming distant. she stared idly at the flame flickering from the candle, ziggy’s form becoming blurred against its warm light. “ i think he meant it. i don’t think he would’ve come to me so out of character if he didn’t, well... if he didn’t feel so hopeless. i’m just here as an emissary, or... i don’t fucking know, some missionary for the cause of repairing whatever your friendship was. he... i guess he misses you. it’s weird to you, maybe. to me too - he never really says he misses anyone. well... except for me, i guess. that’s why this is so weird. “

she let loose a soft sigh, and managed to glance at him again. he really was an unusual character - so made-up. why jonathan even liked the guy was beyond her ( well, she found him amusing and entertaining, even enjoyed - and owned - some of his music, but he definitely was not jonathan’s usual type ).

“ call this an olive branch. i’m not saying forgive him, but... i dunno. he’s trying. he’s... attempting. i guess that’s better than fucking feeling sorry for himself like he used to. i mean, he’s still there, whining about what a piece of shit he is and being complacent in that fact, but it could be much worse. trust me. it could. “

she scratched the back of the neck, allowing herself a moment to attune her senses the sounds of gentle, humming chatter from the los angeles elite and the equally muted classical piece being played live in the back of the room. clinking of forks, of spoons, of knives... nobody could know the stakes of the conversation at hand.

“ call me a bleeding heart. he’s a fucking mess, but he needs a translator to function, so... here i am. ask me whatever you want about him, and i’ll try to answer. lord knows he needs an actual friend - i mean, you seem willing to deal with him again. that’ll help his case. assuming you two get along again, hopefully that gets him the hell away from me too. “

“ ...so, basically what i’m saying is, if you choose to hear him out, assuming he does, then... just don’t tell him i’m around. i’d rather just fade into obscurity. this is probably the stupidest shit i could possibly do, but... i see the stupid repressed child in him wanting a release, i guess. it deserves to get some respite, even if he’s honestly satan incarnate to a degree. “

[dazais-guardian-angel]

A lot of thoughts about All Might, Izuku Midoriya, and My Hero Academia’s themes of empowerment and hope

So a few months ago I finally jumped on the infamous My Hero Academia bandwagon, and I’m finally getting around to talking about what it is about this series that has me so utterly captivated and emotional beyond belief, something I’ve wanted to discuss for a while now. MHA does a lot of things right, and at the same time, some things wrong, I can’t deny, (and man, I wish it didn’t do some of those things... alas), but there is one aspect of it in particular it (that expands into a few different things) that affects me more than anything else, that I wasn’t expecting at all when I first walked into it... something so special to me purely because of how so few other series focus on topics like these, and so beautifully and profoundly.

Below I’ll go into what I believe is MHA’s biggest strength, what makes it stand out from other shounen series, that resonates with me and so many others so deeply. This post is super long and rambling, with way too many pictures, and all of this has been said before by others, but hey, this is really damn important to me so I need to cry about it myself in-depth okay. Hopefully this all makes sense? lmao. Oh and lots of spoilers ahead.

It all has to do with our two main characters, and how they embody and exemplify more than anyone else the themes at the heart of the series:

First off, the main point: All Might is a disabled superhero.

I haven’t read/watched a ton, at least compared to many others, but I’m still confident in saying that, like other marginalized groups, finding disabled characters in media, main ones that are handled well, and don’t have their disabilities magically cured or made irrelevant somehow, is really fucking rare. And even in these cases, the disability is usually something such as blindness, deafness, muteness, an inability to walk, or lack of limbs. Which by no means am I saying that it isn’t important to represent those disabilities as well, far from it (I want more characters in wheelchairs, god dammit); I’m only saying that there’s even less chance of seeing more complicated disabilities, ones that might not be obvious from the outside, or on the flip side, ones that are very obvious on the outside (to the point that they might seem “unsightly”, disabilities that writers, especially in Hollywood, wouldn’t be eager to want to attempt properly, unfortunately), because of that.

All Might is arguably the secondary main character in the series, and he has a very specific set of issues due to the injury he received in the past: the blow to his torso meant they had to take out his stomach, much of his lungs were mangled and destroyed, and he had to have many successive surgeries just to get to a stable point, all of which left as emaciated as he is, and with a massive, ugly, bruised scar that caves inward like an impact crater, which looks like it hurts like hell. Losing his stomach means getting enough nutrition is virtually impossible for him (since he doesn’t have the time nor the discipline to eat as regularly as he needs to), making him even more dangerously skinny, and losing so much of his lungs wreaks havoc on his stamina and breathing, as well as causes him to cough blood on a regular basis.

...and All Might is the strongest superhero in the MHA universe, while still having all of these problems.

Now I won’t say that this is the absolute pinnacle of disability representation or anything, absolutely no way; All Might’s blood coughing is used for comedic effect, which I wish weren’t the case (though that happened the most near the beginning of the series; you don’t really see it anymore), and it would honestly be really nice if his disabilities were made more of a focus/point in the normal, mundane slice-of-life parts of the story, instead of just when the plot demands for it to be relevant, which so far has only been in the USJ arc, the Kamino Ward arc, and I suppose you could argue with the reveal of his death prophecy in chapter 131; it would be really amazing to see the other characters helping him when he needs it, and to see him using medical technology, even. Fanfiction is a blessing that I am eternally grateful for for doing this, but it’s not a replacement for canon. However, having said all that, it is incredible, something that I cannot even put into words how thankful I am, that Horikoshi has done even this much. All Might is not only the strongest of the strong, but he is simultaneously weak and sickly as well, he is both, and the best part of this is that when his “weak” side is revealed to Izuku, and later on everyone else, no one considers that part of him “lesser” or “inferior”: he is still strong, he is still “All Might”, to them, no matter what he looks like, and no matter what he can do.

In essence, having this in a Superman character is genius, because heroes are meant to be inspirations, beacons of hope, people who the characters, and the audience, watch, and are able to think “I can be strong and do good like them, too”, and one of MHA’s main themes is that heroes are heroes ultimately not because of what physical strength they possess, but because of their hearts... so how reassuring, how inspiring, how perfect is it for the top hero to actually be so ordinary, so human, underneath all the bravado and physical strength? Someone who is not some godlike entity on another level entirely, impossible to reach, but simply someone as normal as anyone else, filled with nothing but kindness and an entirely selfless earnestness to help the world, who worked as hard as he could to reach where he did, even despite all odds, despite everything he endured... someone that almost anyone can relate to, and feel like they can become. That is why everyone continues to love All Might no matter what he looks like and what he can or cannot do, and to have someone with so many physical disabilities be so beloved and considered so strong in the story?

That is powerful. That is the kind of character so many more stories need, who, again, people like myself can relate to, both in feelings of weakness and frailty and insecurity, but also in feelings of inner (and outer) strength and motivation and confidence, too. All Might is disabled: that’s just a fact of him, he is never going to ever recover any more, and no one faults him for his disabilities or treats him differently or delicately for it, except for Aizawa a couple times (out of concern). And I love him for it, because I can see my disabilities in him, I can easily picture him going through so many of the hells I’ve been through throughout my life, and god I’m just so emotional to have All Might. I was sobbing during the Kamino Ward All for One fight, seeing All Might be allowed to fight and WIN in his non-powered up, weak form, seeing everyone cheering him on because they held unwavering faith in him no matter what he looked like, to the very end. You never truly understand how important representation is until you are given some, finally. Could there be more to it? Yes, absolutely, and I wish there was. But it’s so wonderful to have a character like this at all, who is an endless sandbox of headcanons and art and fics, all of which are very likely based on what canon does tell us about All Might. It’s just... so nice to simply have a character like him there, shown positively. Thank you, Horikoshi.

However, it goes beyond just All Might; there is the other half of this representation (and relationship), as well:

In MHA’s universe, being quirkless is likened to having a disability; only 20% of the population do not have quirks, and being in that percent is considered strange, a tier below so-called “normal” people, and something to pity and sympathize, if the adults and kids around Izuku in his middle school years are any indication. It’s bad enough knowing that actual disabilities are often treated this way (All Might doesn’t want anyone to see his true body, out of shame, guilt, and fear that people will worry about his ability to continue helping them, even though he is the most beloved and strongest hero of all time, and proves for six entire years with these injuries that he can still work!), but the fact that this then happens to people without inhuman superpowers, something that no one had and wasn’t at all a part of society and everyday life generations ago, that not being cool (basically) will get you looked down upon too, is awful to think about. But that’s the situation Izuku is put in, and it’s because of this specifically that All Might has such an incredible impact on him: that is, not just because of what he does for him, and how he starts off admiring him from a young age, but also because of All Might himself (I’ll get to this).

Izuku admires and tries to emulate All Might as a child, dreams of becoming him when he gets older, just like any kid would; like many children probably did with All Might. But once he’s told that he won’t develop a quirk, clinging to that dream, clinging to All Might, becomes even more fervent and desperate and necessary and important, no matter how impossibly out of reach now All Might’s level may seem, no matter how foolish it is and how deep in denial he goes, because believing that he can become as great a hero as him, believing his heartfelt and motivational words and actions on TV, is all Izuku has to keep his spirits up, to still have any hope. Everyone around him loses faith in him ever becoming someone great, becoming as strong as others with powerful quirks will become, even someone with a pointless quirk means more in society’s eyes than someone like Izuku (ableist much??? ugh) but Izuku continues trying to shoot for his dream, though he has no idea how besides researching other quirks, refuses to give up on himself, despite the pitying, despite the constant, horrendous bullying (bullying that is, again, essentially the way a disabled person would be bullied for having a disability. Think about that. why is Bakugou painted as so forgivable in the narrative again), and I really do believe All Might’s existence for all those years before he met him was the only real reason for that. Izuku is stubborn, but it’s clear at the beginning of the series how badly everything has affected his confidence and self-esteem... if he had never met All Might, it haunts me to think about when Bakugou’s suicidal taunts might have finally pushed him over the edge, possibly literally.

But then, he does meet his hero. And who is it that he finds?

A depressed, broken, and unhealthy man, the complete opposite from the person he had known and looked up to and clung to all his life, who tells him that his heroic smile is no longer real, but rather a mask, and that Izuku should face reality: he can’t become a hero without a quirk.

Now, initially, of course, this utterly devastates Izuku, and one can’t blame him. He reacts exactly as All Might believes anyone would act if they saw his true form, true self, and then his hero rolls with the unpleasant mood and makes it worse, and deals the killing blow and shoots down his eternal dream, the scraps of hopes he’d been clinging to. And hearing it from the man himself, someone who is literally in the same situation Izuku is in, essentially, forces him to give up entirely, because if All Might says he can’t do it, then that’s the end of it, isn’t it? No more lying to himself, after this... not after his hero has basically just told him that everything he projects to everyone is a lie. All Might is the best of the best, and yet, still, he ended up like this, so how on Earth can Izuku think he can do even a FRACTION of what the number one hero has done, with no power at all, and come out of it alive??

All Might is depressed, and weak, and powerless (despite having so much power), just like Izuku is, but he has no inspiring words of comfort about pushing past boundaries or defying odds and expectations, because he doesn’t see himself as anything inspiring, anyone to shoot for, not like he is, doesn’t want anyone emulating him and getting themselves hurt like he is, and he’s not going to be cruel to someone and tell them that they can do things they won’t be able to just to make them feel better; he knows the harsh reality better than anyone. He doesn’t intend to hurt Izuku on purpose, he’s only trying to keep him from doing something reckless that will get him hurt (oh the irony, minutes later), and in his depression and self-loathing and guilt, he’s forgotten how he originally felt when he wanted to become a hero, way back when, the same way Izuku feels... he has lost all hope himself, so of course he has none to give to Izuku, someone sitting squarely in his similar, currently-hopeless position.

In short, all of Izuku’s insecurities and fears are confirmed by that first encounter, which is like looking into a mirror, (and, again, that is heartbreaking, for that to happen with All Might, of all people) and at that point, he’s ready to give up.

But then, the sludge attack happens soon after, and everything changes completely when they meet again.

My Hero Academia’s most beautiful and unique quality to me is how overwhelmingly hopeful and uplifting it is, the message it carries of realizing that you can achieve your dreams, in some way, in some form, no matter how out of reach they may seem and no matter how insignificant and lost you may feel; it is so positive and moving, heartfelt and sincere, wholesome, in everything that happens in it, even when “bad” things happen, compared to many animanga nowadays that steep themselves in darkness and depression (not to say they’re not good, of course I love many of them, but it’s still true), and that’s why it’s so incredibly refreshing and so beloved, I think, despite how very simple the story is. And all of that starts right here, in this scene where Izuku is first told that he can become a hero, that is probably one of the most iconic scenes in the entire series, if not the most iconic.

People like Izuku need to be given hope, encouragement, to know that they’re believed in, that there can be opportunities out there for them; on a most basic level, they need to be treated with normalcy and positivity, just like anyone else would be treated. Lying and giving false hope to unreasonable levels isn’t right, but neither is wallowing in and validating the utter misery, sorrow, and hopelessness the person is feeling, which is exactly what Izuku’s mother does; she doesn’t mean to hurt him, she’s still a good mother, but ultimately she does, unfortunately (especially when added to the school bullying that no one makes any attempt to stop, least of all Izuku himself, his self-esteem as low as it is). At the end of this scene, All Might offers to give Izuku his quirk, and the thing is that you can definitely say this is, in essence, Izuku’s disability being done away with, and I’m not going to say you’re wrong; I, too, was initially disappointed, because I had hoped that this was going to be a story of Izuku becoming a hero without a quirk, cliche as it might be (ideally with the support gear introduced later in the series that I didn’t yet know existed). What makes it more tolerable, though, is knowing that he doesn’t end up recieving One For All for a very long time after this, and even when he DOES get it, he has to work so, painstakingly hard to fine-tune it over the course of the series (reaching only All Might’s level will take him years, I imagine), harder than anyone else who had a quirk from an early age, to even reach a state where he can use it without breaking his body. But getting back to the point I’m trying to make: the focus of this scene is not on Izuku being offered a quirk (because, again, it hasn’t happened yet), but rather simply on the words All Might says to him. In this very moment, what impacts Izuku so strongly is being told that he can become a hero.

Simply those five words. That is all Izuku wants, what he needs more than any actual power itself. What he has been wanting someone to tell him for years upon years, to simply believe in him.

And this is where I’m extrapolating some, but I think that All Might’s condition/situation also has a hand in causing Izuku to react so emotionally to this: previously, All Might’s secret was devastating to him, coupled with his hero rejecting his hopes and exposing nothing but a bleak, harsh reality to him, with no hesitation at all, but here, when All Might completely turns around, inspired by Izuku’s actions and remembering that strength does not make the hero, but heart (”remembers his origins”, as it were), and finally tells him what he’s been craving from someone for so long, it is so much more powerful that it’s coming from All Might in his normal, human, sickly body, and not the heroic one everyone else sees. The “heroic” form of All Might might give off more confidence (especially in his own mind), but that is also the version of him that seems so much more impossible to reach, that seems so untouchable and as far away from the current Izuku as a hero can get, and not to mention is the version of All Might that is “fake”, that he doesn’t consider truly him, and able to convey his most genuine feelings; instead, All Might chooses to give Izuku his offer not as the beautiful hero the boy has idolized all his life (that, to him, is the only version of him he’d recognize, and like, especially since his normal form is the one that, just hours ago, told Izuku to give up), but as himself, as Toshinori, in all his weak, flawed, normal humanity, and it speaks volumes that Izuku is still so incredibly moved, so happy, to hear these words from this All Might that is so different from the one he’s always known. To other kids who have quirks already, powerful or not, they can easily look to the All Might that the world sees and be inspired by him (see: Bakugou), just like Izuku did all his life, be inspired by the power of that All Might, but this new All Might becomes infinitely more relatable to Izuku, just like a child in a hospital, who can look at Toshinori’s character (heart) and body instead, that is so strong despite being so frail at the same time, and can think “If he can do everything he does like he is, then maybe even I can, too.” And what makes it even more poignant to me is knowing that, ultimately, Toshinori essentially tells Izuku what he himself has been wanting someone to reassure him of for the past five years, too; he not only sees the younger, quirkless him in the boy, but also sees the him of now, who has been losing hope and confidence rapidly under crippling weakness for years, and hasn’t had anyone to convince him that he still matters and can do good for the world.

There’s a post I’ve seen that talks about the advice “never meet your heroes, because they’re sure to disappoint you” and how this ends up being subverted when Izuku meets All Might, and it’s absolutely true. What’s so beautiful is that meeting All Might, and seeing all of his many, many flaws, actually causes him to admire him more instead of less. Everything that Toshinori despises about himself, feels guilty over, are what leads to Izuku having an even greater amount of respect for him than ever before, knowing the human side of him, the person beneath the hero; his strength despite his physical ailments is already something Izuku is moved by, but then later finding out that All Might, too, started out quirkless, just like him, causes him to feel even closer to him, and more hopeful that he can become a great hero. He no longer remains simply a fanboy of All Might, but rather, someone who intimately cares about him as a human, as his savior, as his teacher, as his father figure, and finds so much in common with him. The “buff” All Might is everyone else’s All Might, but Toshinori is Izuku’s All Might, the person who told him he could become a hero, the person who shared his heroic spirit and dreams and lack of a quirk as a kid just like him, the person who is reckless just like him, and caring and strong (yet weak) and everything Izuku is and aspires to be. Izuku knows for the entire period All Might is still able to use One For All that his time is running out, that his era is rapidly coming to an end -- and he does cry when that end finally comes, mourns for the ending of the greatest hero he has ever known and the person he looks up to more than anyone else in the world, but even when that happens, his respect and admiration for All Might still does not waver one bit. Even when he can’t fight anymore, Izuku forever considers him All Might, and he’ll never stop doing so: from the moment he tells him he can become a hero, “All Might” and “Toshinori” blend together to him, and becomes someone he eternally loves and respects all the stronger, someone he wants to make proud, someone who he never wants to stop teaching him, and being there for him. All Might starts off as a vague, figurehead idol to Izuku, an image of someone that he loves from far away, and comes to him and becomes a person, and Izuku grows to love that normal, ordinary person more than he loves any other hero. It is the best and most touching version of a “meeting your hero” story that I can think of, where their flaws are embraced, and shown positively, and empowered, adding to their best qualities instead of taking anything away.

And Izuku’s love for Toshinori is, quite literally, saving his life.

As I alluded to, after sustaining his injuries, it’s clear that Toshinori falls into a deep depression, and changes vastly from the person he was when he first started out and for most of his career. After Nana is killed by All For One, he momentarily loses himself to anger and acts selfishly over the selfless duties of a hero, and tries to murder AFO out of revenge, and nearly dies as a result. Besides the obvious ensuing terrible trauma and ptsd he would have had to deal with, and an excruciatingly long recovery period (with probably many relapses), on top of his continued grief over losing his master, not being able to work nearly as much as he could before is absolutely devastating to Toshinori. Being All Might, helping people, saving people, being a hero is what he considers his only real value, which is why he desperately and recklessly continues pushing himself to keep working for however many hours he can, even if it hurts his body, even if his “All Might” smile and jovial personality turns fake and becomes a facade only for the peoples’ sake, not something he genuinely feels anymore, because to Toshinori, if he can’t be the number one hero anymore, he is nothing.

Toshinori has never been in it for the fame or glory; from day 1, from the moment he told Nana about his idea of becoming a “symbol” for people to rely on to keep their world safe for them, so they don’t let their fear lead them into crime, he has always been incredibly humble about everything he does, and extremely self-sacrificial. Of course, a hero needs to be selfless, at least to a degree (Ochako might be doing it for personal gain, but her desire to help people is still 100% genuine, for example), but after the major turning point is his life is when Toshinori begins to take it too far. When he goes after All For One is the sole time that he loses sight of how a hero is supposed to act, and he is punished severely for it, and continues to punish himself in order to make up for his mistake and do what he believes is his necessary duty, having completely forgotten how it felt to want to be a hero, for himself, for his own dream. Being the Symbol of Peace no longer is something Toshinori feels truly passionate about, like he did in the past, but now something he does on autopilot, something that he feels like he has to continue doing just because he’s already done it for so long, been so famous and so relied on for so long, even though it’s utterly exhausting for him, exhausting on his body and exhausting on his mental state, to keep up his normal upbeat personality that everyone knows and loves, but he continues on because not being able to continue serving the people is worse than literally anything else to Toshinori. He doesn’t have anyone there to prove to him that he has value as a person, not just as a hero, let alone to tell him that it’s okay for him to finally stop and rest. As far as we know, it seems like Gran Torino and Naomasa didn’t try to dissuade him much, and though Nighteye tries, rather violently, his approach isn’t the kind that’s convincing to him, and unfortunately his revelation that Toshinori will die in five or six years if he continues working as a hero seems to backfire, and instead makes him want to continue working more instead of less; he most likely believes that he won’t be around much longer, anyway, with the state of his health, so he’s convinced that he needs to do as much as possible before accepting the inevitable end. And then, Nighteye leaves him, so Naomasa is essentially the only person to support him Toshinori has left (seriously, Nighteye, I know you care; come on!).

But this is why meeting Izuku is so important for Toshinori, as much as it is for Izuku; everything changes for him when he does. At first, all he sees in Izuku is another fanboy, trying to chase a dream that Toshinori knows very well is completely unattainable for him without any power, because of how he can do nothing, is nothing, when he runs over his time limit and can’t use his quirk anymore, and he tries to shut him down as reasonably as possible, even admitting how unfair it is (because everything about himself is unfair now, to him); he knows how he must look to a fan of his, and hates it, and doesn’t have the energy to give him any small amount of hope or comfort, because he hasn’t known what it’s like to have hope in years, so he cannot give out any in return, when to him, now, being a hero is only something that will get you hurt, get you guilt-ridden, and, for someone like Izuku, get you killed. ...But it’s when he sees Izuku in action, sees his pure, unadulterated, selfless desire to help (however foolishly), it’s like a light turns on in his mind again, because actions always speak louder than words, and Toshinori is finally, truly reminded of that feeling, that innate, original, burning desire to be a hero that he had had when he was Izuku’s age, and also quirkless, and Izuku’s passion ignites his own passion once more, after so long, and lets him see the light and inspires him to act.

And because Izuku moves him, awakens something inside him again, like this, he chooses him to be the next One For All inheritor, partly because, as I said, he sees his younger self in him, but also I think because he understands exactly how hopeless Izuku feels, and wants to do something to change that, since he can (since he believes Izuku is worthy); his own dreams have been long since crushed out of helplessness, he doesn’t want this child’s to be too, when he himself got a chance from Nana when he was just like Izuku, back then. The thing is, at first, despite the spark that Izuku initially ignited in Toshinori, he still believes that he is going to be ready to die when the fated time comes, however it may happen; he starts teaching at UA, but knows that his time with One For All is running out, and believes that once it does, or once he dies, whichever comes first, that will be the end of things, and he won’t regret it. He knows he is not a good teacher, not knowing how to help Izuku train One For All so that he doesn’t hurt himself, and he initially believes that it is simply good enough that he managed to pass on his legendary quirk before he died, the one true urgent thing he’d been worried about since he became injured.

But then, over time, Izuku starts changing him.

Slowly, without even realizing it, Toshinori is affected by Izuku’s presence, his admiration for him, his care for him even when he’s in his normal, “inferior” state. He begins to be reminded again, truly, of what it means to be a hero, why he does what he does, why he loved it, and grows to again find value, importance, confidence, in the ideals he created for himself all those years ago, that his master encouraged him to stick to, again, and shows pride in them again, despite his “shameful” and “weak” appearance. The battle at Kamino Ward is truly the turning point for Toshinori, because he goes into it believing that his prophesied death will occur there, while taking down the person who took everything from him in the process, but it’s during that battle that he suddenly truly realizes not only what I said above, but also that it’s not enough anymore for him to simply win here, it’s not enough anymore for Izuku to solely have One For All on his own: now, All Might wants to live. He wants to live for Izuku’s sake, to be there for him and support him and care for him, and for his own sake as well, because Izuku has become more than just his successor to him. He wants to live, wants to defy his fate, he refuses to die, and tells his sworn enemy as much, multiple times, has a true will to live that Toshinori has not felt so strongly ever since his injury, and it’s thanks to his students, his fellow teachers, but more than anything else, Izuku. Because Izuku never takes advantage of him, never takes him for granted, never scorns him, never makes him feel as weak as Toshinori always felt; Izuku looks at him as if he’s the sun in the sky, he respects him, trusts and wants his guidance, he loves him, and in the same way that Toshinori empowered him on that day by telling him he could become a hero, Izuku gives strength to him right back, every single day, simply by being with him, and letting him know how much he needs him, how much he can do for him.

yeah I just wanted an excuse to put these panels cause they fucking kill me bye Just as much as Toshinori no longer wants to accept death, is determined to fight against it, Izuku is determined to stand by his side and make sure he succeeds in that, by helping him and protecting him however he can. No matter how many years pass, and how much stronger Izuku becomes, and how much weaker and more “unneeded” for his training and guidance Toshinori becomes, Izuku will never, ever, ever give up on him, or stop wanting him and believing in him. It is for Izuku’s sake that Toshinori has come as far as he has, not just mentally and emotionally, but even physically: he’s making a conscious effort to wear clothes that fit him now (obviously, now he can, without his quirk, but I think it says something that he’s made the change at all, since he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t wish to), and he’s trying to get in shape as much as is possible for him; anything he can do to extend his lifespan even a little bit more, for Izuku, something he didn’t care about at all before meeting him.

And of course he doesn’t want to simply live; he tries to make a conscious effort to become a better teacher, that Izuku desperately needs, even though Toshinori knows he’s not good at it. He realizes how important it is that Izuku stop injuring himself, stop being so recklessly heroic, lest he get himself into a deadly situation just like he did six years ago (something that Toshinori had to have thought about initially, when he first turned Izuku down that day, but since became ignorant of after giving him One For All and not knowing at all how to handle the teaching/mentoring side of things), and implores Izuku’s mother to let him continue teaching him and helping him become a hero, not only because of how deeply he’s come to care about the boy, but because of how much he genuinely believes he can achieve his dream, and how much he wants to make sure things go right with him, after everything in his own life went so horribly, depressingly wrong. Wants to make sure that he doesn’t lose his precious mentor, his source of guidance, the way Toshinori did, doesn’t want him to have to struggle alone, wants to make sure he can have someone to share his feelings with, someone to lean on, so he never has to hide anything, someone he can get everything he needs from, because Toshinori, as the number one hero, has been through it all. Toshinori wants to pour his all into Izuku, protect him, raise him, lift him up, as his successor and who is basically like a son to him, after everything Izuku has given him in return, after he has done nothing but save him the entire time they’ve known each other.

And that’s ultimately the core of their relationship, in the end: two people who saved each other, are still saving each other, in the most poignant and moving of ways. Both of them acknowledge somehow that the other being there is what kept them going. For Toshinori, I most certainly believe Izuku is why he is still alive today, and I honestly believe the same for Izuku as well. Without All Might, Izuku would not have made it through the bullying, and the pitying, and the loneliness and despair, and without Toshinori, he wouldn’t have been blessed with the gift he’s been given, wouldn’t be able to being living out his dream and trying to achieve it, wouldn’t have found friends, best friends, people to talk to, happiness, encouragement, support, strength, and above all, a father figure who he adores almost as much as his mother. Without Izuku, Toshinori wouldn’t have been given someone to guide, and nurture, and protect and want to see grow, wouldn’t, I believe, have had the same relationships with the teachers and students at UA, wouldn’t have been given a family, a son, a reason after he lost One For All to keep getting himself out of bed every day and keep living. Izuku and All Might parallel each other in so many beautiful ways: both of them begin quirkless, but hopeful, with strong ideals, a desire to do good, and kind and earnest hearts, and eventually they lose their way, Izuku gradually and hesitantly, and All Might drastically, devastatingly, and messily, agonizingly and bleakly, though both of them retain their kindness despite their internal despair, and then they meet each other and... save each other, become each other’s world, give each other so much. They both look past what they consider to be their weaknesses, and see the beauty and potential in each other, and bring out the best in each other, make each other happy.

More than anything else, All Might must live to the end of the series. He must. At the beginning, he started off depressed, dying, and ready to die, but now he is hopeful, still weak, still disabled, still dying, in a way, but trying so damn hard to live, and he deserves it so much. His arc is all about him doing everything he can to make sure that happens; he “should” have died at Kamino Ward, if this were any other series, he would have, but he didn’t, because he knew Izuku needed him, just like he needs Izuku. I want him to live, I want him to age, and become old and grey, and to need more help and need technology to help him (give him a cane, give him a wheelchair, give him oxygen, give him everything), but still be alive, alive to see Izuku become a great hero just like he always knew he would be, alive to see him graduate and get married and have children, and see that for all his other students too. I want him to live, for himself, for Izuku, and for everyone in the audience who he touches, just like he does to me. I see myself in Izuku, in his emotional state and his insecurities and his tears and his uncertainty about what he can accomplish, and I see myself in All Might, in his body (so much of his body) and his pain and his frustration and his shame and his insecurities. Both of them represent what it feels like to be disabled, in different ways, literally and figuratively, and being shown that you still matter, that you’re still important and can do so much greatness, and are given the opportunity to do so, to go beyond.

That is why All Might and Izuku matter, why My Hero Academia’s hopeful, uplifting, and inspirational outlook matters. The two of them are each other’s heroes, not because of any grand spectacle, but because they made each other feel needed, important, and strong when no one else was there to give that to them, at their lowest points. That’s why they are, to me, one of the absolute best mentor/mentee relationships in anime and manga, ever.

All Might will always be there for Izuku in some shape or form... but please, Horikoshi, from the bottom of my heart, let him live. He’s still important, always will be. Don’t let him fade into irrelevance. Don’t let him die.

Izuku needs him. I do, too.

(and let him wear this outfit in canon, it’s so badass; look at those oxygen tanks! SO MUCH POTENTIAL)

“Between my inferior self, and the world that surrounds me, I form an image and try to grasp it, but it feels so far away.

That endlessly expanding sky held no clear destination, so I started to feel scared. But no matter how many times I stumbled, you were right there, smiling.”

- “Heroes” by Brian The Sun

“And when it gets too hard, and nothing seems to work, I think about the reason why you kept pushing forward. I’m meant to be the savior but you saved me instead, I tried to hold your hand but you just held me in the end.

But then what’s left for me? With no one else around, I’m stuck here with the guilt that I can’t be left alone now. But keep looking ahead because you know that you should, and don’t be sad it changed, because I’m happy that it could!

And when I feel like giving up and doubting myself, I think of every letdown, the pain that I felt. But the things that I have lost are now the weapons I wield, each one of them a flower that is always concealed.”

- “Long Hope Philia” by Masaki Suda

[0poole]

Mulan and Pocahontas

So after rewatching Princess and the Frog (and I guess Ralph Breaks the Internet, technically), I realized I want to go back and watch every one of the Disney Princess’ movies just so I can actually see what’s up with them. Obviously I’ve seen bits and bobs about them, and I basically get the gist of who they are, but even if I did see their movies, I’ve probably forgotten the actual events of it because I honestly think child me didn’t really care to remember much. So, I started with Mulan and Pocahontas, really just because they’re the ones on Netflix...

Mulan did kind of start this spiral, since I wanted to watch this movie anyway. I could definitely sing along to a bit of Make a Man out of You, but I didn’t remember how the movie resolved exactly. I knew she shot a rocket at a mountain to kill some of the Huns with an avalanche, but I thought that was the very end of them. I didn’t know about the final bit, so that was fun. I also didn’t really know what was up with Mushu either, apart from him being a part of the comic relief animals. 

Honestly, I don’t know what to do with those types of characters in Disney movies, especially in these ones, but Mulan more specifically. They tend to just ruin tense moments for me. There was that one scene in Pocahontas where they remarked at the killing of one of the Natives, but that was about it. In Mulan, though, they really should’ve just been kept out of that scene where the troops look upon the thousands of dead soldiers near that attacked village. You already got a feel of dread and sadness from the village, and then panning over that bloodbath with all of the characters showing visible grim on their face, and one of them bringing up the helmet of the dead general, and then... cut to proto-Will Smith in dragon form with gigantic puppydog eyes. It just breaks the feeling. 

It’s also weird, though, because those three other soldiers who basically are comic relief also don’t feel as bad when reacting to such a scene. Maybe it’s just because they’re designs aren’t quite as exaggerated as the animals? I don’t know. It’s almost how upbeat they usually are that makes their somberness so much more impactful, especially when the scene cuts their joyful shanty short. 

Speaking of songs, Mulan’s Princess ballad actually struck a chord with me. I say “actually” because it was pretty much a generic “I want to be what other people don’t want to be” sort of deal, even with the “women are supposed to be seen not heard” tones of the film that are a little blown up nowadays. I mean, if you’re ever going to use that tone, it should be in ancient(?) China, but still. The song really got me.

I mean, that’s basically all that needs to be said. It was a great movie, obviously. There’s 0 chance in hell that I’d watch the sequels, though. I don’t think anyone would shame me for that.

Pocahontas was probably the weirder one for me, even apart from the obvious historical inaccuracies, including but not limited to ol’ Poca not being of legal age when meeting the dreamboat Smith. I mean, when it comes to the fictitious version, frankly, this might’ve been the most believable love-at-first-sight I’ve ever seen. They established that she (I’m not going to type her name out every time) wanted someone with a distinct personality and a wild side, so naturally she’d be into a strange man with strange trinkets from a faraway land. Not to mention, he was seriously charming. I was honestly charmed. I’m not even into that type, and I wanted them together. It was probably helped by the fact that they didn’t resolve it with the perfect happy ending too. If you don’t resolve it yourself, then the audience will be more likely to want it resolved, anyway. If you do it for them, it feels slightly cheaper.

With Poca herself, I got that same sort of vibe I got when watching Lilo and Stitch. I’ve always seen her in merchandise and whatnot, so she never felt entirely like a character, and more like an image. Her few bits in Ralph Breaks the Internet just sort of cemented my preconceived notion that she’s the more reverent and quiet princess, but seeing her in action broke that, which is a little bittersweet. Obviously the wild-type is super charming, always has and always will be, but that seems to be the case with basically every princess. Obviously again, she’s one of the earliest princesses, so you couldn’t really blame them for maintaining a trend, but having a more quiet princess would be nice. Maybe that’s what they’re going for nowadays. It’s hard to tell, since she’s in basically nothing, especially with Elsa taking the Disney Princess reins.

It was also weird sometimes with the discrepancy between the flawless, probably rotoscoped faces of Poca and her friend, mixed with the highly cartoonic (cartoony? apparently cartoonic isn’t even a real word?) animals. It really gave off that same feel when a live actor is (trying) to interact with a CGI character, but decades before CGI was even a thing. It’s kind of interesting in that regard, but still really jarring. Thank God animation isn’t doing that anymore. The normally animated humans, like Ratcliffe, looked great though. They seriously spared no expense in the animation, as is the case with early Disney works. I just thought this movie was going to be more reminiscent of Snow White or Sleeping Beauty, where it was good, but not quite as polished. It was definitely polished.

The climax of the movie genuinely got me going, though. Both clans interchanging the same beliefs but from different sides through this gigantic, angry song was actually fucking amazing. You do sort of side with the Natives though, since they’re the ones acting in self defense, pretty much. By the end of it all, you of course realize that Ratcliffe was the source of the altercation, and frankly I wish one of his men shot him just as he was about to shoot Poca’s father. That would’ve been amazing. But, alas, John had to take the bullet. If only it were that easy in real life... There are just one too many Ratcliffes in the world.

Again, the sequels might as well not exist, because I ain’t touchen em.

I’m going to hope that I’ll get the chance to watch Snow White and Sleeping Beauty next, because I really want that classic Disney dose. I’ll take Brave as a substitute, even though that movie was seriously a disappointment in concept at least. I wanted a badass warrior princess, dammit! I mean, the only time I’ve actually watched Brave was on a party bus during a school field trip, so maybe I’m missing something.