#it is a good question tho! i hope i managed to explain myself well enough slfjdskj

[iwasntsupposedtogetinvestedhelp]

The misunderstanding I meant was related to the fact that his last name was Cervantes, which translates to servant in Spanish and doesn't sound that different in English. I guess I was overthinking.

OH yeah that makes a lot more sense! Though I don't think any misunderstandings would occur.

This translation spell isn't literally translating everything Alvaro says or hears. If that was the case, then names like Deuce Spade or Epel Felmier would be getting translated literally as "Two Spade" or "Apple Farmer". In turn, people would have thought Alvaro's name was actually "Guardian", since that's what Alvaro technically means.

I guess the best way to put it is intent? The translation spell may not be perfect, but it isn't so bad as to automatically attempt translating everything without attempting to distinguish what's a name and what's not.

[winryrockbellwannabe]

hey, first off all just wanna say your blog is so cool i love seeing you on my dash!

i was just wondering if you had any tips for first year students and how to manage time? i think that’s the aspect i have been struggling with the most is time management and getting enough sleep rn.

omg tysm!!! 💜💜💜 so glad you like my posts!! and hope your enjoying your 1st year so far <3

So, how to manage your time:

tbh I haven't understood it that well myself. Personally im a little time blind, so i coordinate my schedule based on tasks i have to do, instead of time.

So instead of: study physics for an hour, it could be something like: understand The Schrödinger equation or study 40 pages.

My only time blocks are: morning, afternoon (before snack time, before dinner) and before going to bed. Which i particularly like since it's more flexible, and if i didn't manage to accomplish everything, i can just move it a bit, instead of ruining the whole thing.

My planner usually looks like this: (it's a bit light, since i had classes all day both monday and today, but you get the idea)

But if you like to study in time blocks, my tip is to give them space to be flexible. So if you delay smth it doesn't ruin your entire schedule, and you won't be so stressed about the time as well.

For example, you think you'll take 1h to do this assignment? Save 1h30 for it, if you end up actually needing this extra time, then you're still in time. If you only needed 1h, you can take a break and move to your next task earlier than planned.

Alarms are a student's best friend for time tracking. And a bonus advantage is that it also forces me not to be on my phone, since i set the alarm in there, and it's a visual reminder that i should be working.

Another important thing to do is to ✨ prioritize✨ your tasks!! Your final exam is way more important than a report that's only 10% your grade. Sure, if you can do both it's perfect, but don't waste too much time perfecting smth that's not that important.

Oh, and if you feel like the way your professor explains isn't doing it for you, just forget about that class! It's a waste of time to be 2 hours in a classroom, not even understanding what the professor is saying and stressing about it. Just find some good notes, and study them in the library during that time instead.

Also, for the not enough sleep problem. I feel you. That was me in the second semester of 1st year. I would lose track of time, sometimes just procrastinating, and forget to sleep. My solution for that is ✨alarms✨. I usually wake up at 7:30, so everyday i have an alarm set for 23:00 to remind myself to go to sleep, and another for 24:00, just in case i ignored the first one lol. Really improved my sleep schedules.

(And a little extra (tho i intend to do a bigger post about this soon)

1st year tips in general: Find ways to be interested in your classes, so it's easier to study. Watch documentaries about it, discuss stuff with ppl that love that subject. Even if you are learning how to solve integrals so you can help your crush - totally not talking from experience. If it get's you motivated, then that's all that matters. DONT BE AFRAID TO ASK QUESTIONS!!! I promise your professors aren't judging you, and if your classmates are, well, they won't be judging anymore when you ace that test. And force yourself to take breaks. I would put on my t.do list to watch an episode of a series daily, bc i would be so stressed i would forget to do that. And taking breaks it's super important.)

(sorry for the huge post, I really hope at least one tip in here will be useful for you. Thank you for the ask, and best of luck for this uni year!!! Feel free to ask anymore questions💜)

[adhbabey]

Hello! I hope this is ok, I love your blog but I also wanted to ask you a question. You don’t have to respond if you don’t feel comfortable. I understand you can’t give a professional opinion but I’m just looking for different opinions to inform my own. I’m a 26 female with bipolar type 2. I’m being treated with mood stabilizers and it’s helped my hypomanic episodes immensely. But I still experience certain things that still make life incredibly difficult to deal with. I thought it was just heightened anxiety and depression but my sister suggested that it might be mild adhd. Even if I’m not feeling anxious I have moments where I find it very difficult to maintain focus most of the time. Even in conversations. Even if I really want to. It happens so rarely that I literally note it in my mood calendar when I do manage to maintain good focus. I always thought it was just lack of motivation. I get so attached to certain topics and subjects and frequently send whole essays about them to friends though I don’t think it’s obsessive. I don’t know if I have a short attention span but I do zone out even in normal conversations. I don’t think I have difficulties in listening but I definitely had to actively teach myself to stay focused and to actively listen and how to socialize. Poor organizational skills and poor study skills is a resounding YES for me. Especially the poor study skills. Because I always feel so confused about how exactly I’m supposed to study. I’m 26 and I still don’t know how I’m supposed to study. I used to have good grades but now in uni it’s all gone downhill. I used to describe my issue with focus like my brain was on constant static. I don’t literally HEAR static. But it’s like when you keep turning the radio toggle looking for a radio station but can’t find one and even when you do, it’s still jumbled with the static and you can’t actually comprehend anything being said. I fidget constantly. I can’t just sit, most of the time I NEED to be moving, rocking, fidget, shaking my leg/foot. I do have memory issues though I don’t know if it’s similar to ADHD memory issues. I find it difficult to finish tasks sometimes even if it’s something I like. I used to like reading but I’ll spend half an hour trying to read 2 pages before I give up because I can’t focus. Reading out loud helps but not always. My biggest issue with the idea of having adhd is that I’m not sure if I had it as a kid and adhd is something you have since childhood. It’s doesn’t suddenly develop in adults. But then again, it’s pretty common for women to be diagnosed in their late 20s during their uni years. I guess I’m just wondering if this sounds familiar to you. Thank you for listening!

Yeah, y e a h, thats definitely ADHD. I recommend you look at my adhd checklist on my pinned post if you haven't already. But lets see, here's the symptoms you pointed out,

Difficulties maintaining focus. This sounds like a big part of not being stimulated during conversation, so you feel very restless/distracted. It's not that things aren't interesting, it's that they're not engaging enough. I recommend doodling or playing with a stim toy if you want to listen better. The thing to note here is that even if you want to, you can't, not that you wont.

Getting attached to different topics, "obsessively". This is a hyperfixation, all us ND kids got one. Like mine is fantasy stuff, or divination or cats, or something. I could go on for hours about it. And doing so, is called infodumping. When you send your friends whole essays about it, it's called an infodump.

Poor organization/study skills. Yeah, I never really understood this sort of thing, and it's kind of vague. It's just something we struggle with. Like, I understand, but I can't explain this one very well, I am sorry. I just know it's a symptom tho.

Static Brain. I think this one is emotional hyperarousal. Like where your head is loud, buzzing and full of thought. Also, brain fog, where brain is blank and fuzzy. I think also linked with this is dissociation caused by understimulation(just zoning out). Head full also can be when you're thinking about your hyperfixation, all that dopamine go zoom.

Fidgeting constantly. Yeah, this is just a physical hyperactivity symptom. Fidgeting/stimming is just how it goes. I've been there,,, thats my whole existence.

Memory issues. We have issues with working memory specifically. It's best if you look this one up, I'm not very good at explaining and google may help you better than me. But an example just now is just, me struggling to remember to look up "working memory" just now, as I switched to another tab. Though, memory issues is a symptom of a lot of disorders in the neurodivergent space.

Difficulties finishing tasks. Yeah this is Executive Dysfunction. And having a hard time reading can be you being overwhelmed or stressed. So take a break, make sure you're stimulated, and then try reading again. Don't force yourself if you're not in the best headspace. Like try watching a video first.

And yeah, I wasn't diagnosed until 22, last year, but I figured it out that in university, I was failing really bad due to lack of structure in my environment, and knew that something was up.

I'm sure you've had symptoms in childhood, just didn't know what they were. All of these problems are lifelong in some aspects. Especially with comorbid disorders like anxiety and depression. Also if you have had sleep problems since you were a child, thats also common. So yeah, it sounds like ADHD to me.

[elfwoodfae]

“Nightcall” Harrison Eo Wells x reader

Chapter 3

Summary: As you taunt the devil another criminal may be ready to strike.

Gif credits go to the owner, I found this one on google.

Author’s note: let me know what you all think, if you have any suggestions, I hope you like it!

Once again, you were all brainstorming ideas about the man in yellow, nothing concrete, but the team had been stuck for a few days without making any progress.

“I just don’t believe that he doesn’t go somewhere after,” Barry commented.

You were sitting on Cisco’s desk and as you saw Wells roll into the cortex you decided to chip on your own ideas. Even tho he had specifically told you not to.

“You know I bet he has a day job too,” you said while noticing from the corner of your eye how Dr. Wells moved his head to look at you and rub two fingers over his lips, how he tended to do when he was thinking, probably how to get rid of you without attracting heat to himself.

“He seems smart, I bet he is some kind of doctor,” you spurred on. “I mean his suit seems pretty legit so he probably is very smart.” Now you were sassing him up. Oh boy were you sassing him up. You knew this risky comment had the potential to blow up on your face, but honestly it was a risk you were willing to take just by the look of Wells’ eyes.

“Very interesting idea y/n.” Wells said looking at you with that fake smile he gave people. God how you wanted to whip it off his face.

“Actually Dr. Wells I was wondering if I could talk to you about something” you asked him as you hopped off the desk.

He only nodded and signaled you to follow him. This plan could very much make you or break you. You were hoping for the first one.

“Those two seem to be talking a lot lately” Cisco commented once you were out of earshot.

Once in Wells’ office you reclined yourself against his desk and looked at him.

“So I have been thinking about your proposition.” You began to speak.

“My proposition? I don’t believe I have proposed anything to you” he said, the look on his face was unbelievable, you had some nerve to be sassing him up so much, and the worst part was that he couldn’t kill you or get rid of you just yet without making it obvious and drawing attention to himself.

“Yes, your proposition about me not speaking and you not killing me” you continued.

“I have thought about it, and I’m willing to accept with one condition.”

He couldn’t believe you. He just couldn’t believe that you were either stupid enough or brave enough to face him.

“I don’t believe I gave you a choice or that you have one, what part of dying was not clear to you?” He added.

“Trust me it was very clear to me since you literally stuck a hand in me, but killing aside, I will keep your secret on a condition, so please at least humor me, we both know you can’t kill me, for what reason is unclear to me but if you really wanted me dead I would be by now.”

You would be the fault in his plan if he didn’t do something about you fast. You were too smart and too fearless of him to be scare that easy. Or too stupid as he had previously thought.

“What is that condition?” He would humor you, play your game and let you think you had the upper hand until he could get rid of you.

“I will play along with you and keep your secret safe, going as far as making sure no one else suspects of you, only if you promise me that once this is all over, and you get whatever it is you are trying to achieve that you will leave a confession freeing Barry’s father of the murder of Nora.”

Now that wasn’t that hard, he would be gone, it wouldn’t affect him in any way, and if that’s what it took to keep you quite then he would oblige.

“Fine, I give you my word.” He said.

“And you won’t hurt Barry badly, or anyone else in the team” you added, feeling a wave of bravery.

“Don’t push your luck little one or you will find out what happens when you taunt me.” he said through gritted teeth, he was a very patient man, but you had a way of pushing his buttons like no one that he had encountered in a long time.

After your little conversation with Wells you felt more confident than ever, you had managed to at least get something out of it and the enjoyment of messing with him, it made you feel powerful.

“Well someone is in a good mood” Cisco said as you entered the cortex smiling and more relaxed than they had seen you in a long time.

“What happened back there?” Cisco insinuated as he looked at you suspiciously.

“Gross Cisco! Gross!” You screamed at him with a fake look of disgust.

“I’m just saying!” He added raising his hands in the air in an apologetic manner.

“Alright you guys,” you called everyone’s attention.

“I’m going to get some coffee, anyone wants anything?”Everyone made their orders and you left to Jitters.

It was getting dark by the time you were getting out of Jitters, walking to your car with your hands full, you struggled to get the key out of your pocket, and as you placed the coffees on the roof of your car and looked at your window to open the car you screamed in fear as a hand covered your mouth with some kind of clothe and the other one grabbed your neck beginning to drag you away.

Back at Star labs, the team had began to wonder what was taking you so long. It was normal to take some time since Jitters wasn’t exactly a street away, but you had been gone for almost two hours.

Just as Barry was about to tell Cisco to try and call you for the twentieth time, a message was being broadcasted on the tv.

“Cisco!”Caitlin urged him as she pointed to the monitor. “Put the volume up!”

“Flash!” The knowing voice of Captain Cold came through the speakers. “I have a friend of yours. If you don’t come and surrender yourself, she will die.” He added in his typical singsong way of speaking.

“Flash don’t come for me!” You could be heard screaming in the background, the focus changed to you as the image showed another man putting a gag in your mouth while you were tied to a chair.

“We need to do something fast” Barry said as he raised his hands to his hair in desperation. In that moment doctor Wells who had seen the whole ordeal from the entrance to the cortex spoke.

“We need to be careful Mister Allen, we don’t know where they are keeping her or if Captain Cold still have the cold gun.”

“Dr. Wells is right, we need to be careful, acting on impulse may not be the best call right now.” Caitlin added.

“I know but we can’t just stay and do nothing! He has y/n” he desperately added.

“I’m aware but I do caution restrain.” He added.

They planned a strategy, as Barry made it to the meeting point, Cisco and Joe would go to see the location where they suspected you were being kept.

As Barry struggled to defeat Cold and Heat Wave. Dr. Wells and Caitlin stayed behind guiding them through the operation. When Barry finally manage to neutralize Cold and Rory a bigger problem arose.

“Guys!” Came Cisco desperate voice through the comms. “She isn’t here, this was a decoy” he added.

Barry looked down on Cold, and as he grabbed him by his shirt collar he shook him.

“Where is she!?” Desperation could be heard in his voice.

“Flash, you really thought it would be that easy to find her? I hope you said your goodbyes earlier since in a matter of around two minutes your little friend will blow into the air.”

Dread came over Barry as he realized that no matter how fast he managed to search the city it wasn’t enough time to find you.

“I will give you a hint, why don’t you start in the East side?” Cold added as he smiled sarcastically at Barry.

Back the labs Wells excused himself from Caitlin and went to his time vault. He needed to find you fast. It was true that this was the perfect chance to finally get rid of you, but he just couldn’t bring himself to let you die by the hands of Cold.

You were seated in some kind of abandoned warehouse. In what part of town you had no idea, but you were painfully aware of the ticking bomb at the bottom of your chair. And as you heard the ticking get faster you were sure that was it, this is how you were going to die. If Barry hadn’t found you yet, you doubted he would on time.

As the seconds came to cero time seemed to stop all together, and in flash of red you were whisked away as the bomb went off and the explosion resonated all around you.

Your eyes watered as your mouth opened to let a sigh of relief come out. You squeezed Barry’s neck and placed your forehead on his shoulder as you breathed him in only for a second later to recognize this particular smell. This wasn’t Barry. As you opened your eyes you were met with a yellow suit and a pair of red glowing eyes. Still in his arms you hugged him again, adrenaline controlling your actions.

“I have never been happier to see you” you said, he only nodded and put you down on the floor.

As he speeded away you saw Barry coming to you fast. Relief could be read all over him the moment his eyes landed on you.

“She is safe” is all he said through the comms to the team.

“How, how did you managed to escape?” He questioned you once you were all back at Star labs as Caitlin checked you over.

“ I am not sure, I managed to free myself from the ropes but the bomb may have glitched as I had enough time to run as far as I could” you explained, trying to sound convincing.

“I mean but you don’t even have a scratch on you” Barry kept questioning you.

“I think I just had a lucky star tonight.” You said as you looked over at Harrison, who had just entered the med bay area.

“I think we should let Miss y/n rest for tonight Mister Allen.” Dr. Wells added.

“Yeah, I am just glad you are okay.”Barry added as they all walked out to let you rest for the night.

Wells was the last to leave and as he was about to roll out the door you stopped him. You had so many questions to ask him. He could have easily let you die and get rid of you without being suspicious, but he hadn’t.

“Why did you save me?” You asked when you were sure no one was close by. He only smiled at you and turned around, leaving as you sat there with now more questions about the man than ever before.

@mintchipcupcake

@nellethiel-aranel

@saltykidcreation

@twilightlover2007

[flymyhp]

Birds to Spell books Pairing: George Weasley x Hufflepuff!reader Summary: George spends all his time showing his affection in the wrong way, only to ask her to the Yule Ball 6 years later Words: 2,163 Warnings: Mostly angst, fluff at the end tho ;) and the timeline is a little bit wonky at some parts A/N: Hi! This is my first time writing pretty much anything. Give me feedback! Much love, stay safe x Sixth year was exceptionally ordinary for y/n. Nearing the end of November, the Hufflepuff was sat near the fire in the Gryffindor common room with her younger sister, Hermione and the youngest of the trio, Harry. The topic of discussion among everyone at Hogwarts had been the Triwizard tournament, along with the Yule Ball. Although, the trio had seemed to push the ball completely out of their minds, only focusing on Harry’s name being drawn from the goblet of fire. Panic had struck her underclassmen friends due to these events, while recently y/n had been struck with panic for a different reason. “Pipe down, Lee.” Y/n knew the voice coming from behind her, but she didn’t take notice of it until she felt a pair of eyes boring into the back of her head. Her eyebrows furrowed as she attempted to focus on the conversation carrying on between her own group. Nobody seemed to notice the discomfort on her face, being too enveloped with their own issues. This didn’t bother her, the only thing that did was the voice she couldn’t take her attention from. “You haven’t researched the dragons at all, have you, Harry?” Hermione lectured Harry. There was an all too familiar tone in her voice. One that y/n shared with her, and one that she flinched at. “You have no idea how dangerous this is, do you?” “I’m sure he’s figured that bit out himself,” She jumped at the voice, and turned around, only opening her eyes once she was fully facing its owner. “haven’t you, Harry?” George Weasley. Kneeling behind the couch, right next to y/n, grinning. George Weasley. The boy who’d once transfigured her spell books into birds during their third year. The boy who, on multiple occasions over the course of 6 years, used the amplifying charm to make her robes shout during exams. And last week, the boy who’d asked her to the Yule Ball. She was completely sure it was a joke. What she wasn’t sure of was what made him target her the most out of everybody he and his twin played pranks on. It seemed to usually be gullible, younger kids who they went for. Y/n was an exception for six years, especially with George. It also had seemed like a harmless joke that everyone could laugh at. The joke felt nonexistent when it was her turn, as she was the only one not laughing. “I’m only joking, of course, Harry. There’s nothing to fret about.” George let his teasing die down a bit as she decided to zone back in. Just then, y/n felt a tap on her shoulder. Her face turned to meet George’s own. “Mind steppin’ out for a bit?” Y/n’s face went red. She’d hoped her sister didn’t hear him, or she’d be getting a lecture as well. Although she doubted she would, considering Harry’s was likely to continue until he stepped into the arena with a dragon. She reluctantly stood to her feet, her legs shaking slightly as she did so. “Why not? It’s nearing twelve, I’d better head out, anyways. G’night, Mione.” Y/n excused herself. Hermione stopped talking long enough to tell her goodnight and to be careful heading back to the basement with a kind smile which y/n gladly returned. Y/n followed George out of the common room and into the halls. The moon shone bright through the windows and she shivered in the cold of the fall night. “Am I correct in assuming you’re walking me to bed?” She asked, teeth chattering. He chuckled. “Of course I am,” Then he sighed, insinuating that wasn’t all he was here for. “Bird,” George started. The nickname made y/n want to hide in her hoodie the rest of the way back, and possibly the rest of term. “You never gave me an answer about the Yule ball.” He wasn’t asking anything, just stating the fact that weighed on y/n’s shoulders since the minute the question left his mouth a week prior. The question she didn’t exactly have an answer to. This wasn’t a cliché, y/n didn’t like George. She didn’t like the embarrassment he’d put her through for six years. She didn’t want to say yes. She didn’t want to say yes out of fear that it would all be a joke when it came down to the dance. She didn’t want to get her hopes up. On the other hand, she didn’t want to say no and end up going alone, or not at all. “I don’t have one.” This simple sentence left George kicking his feet a little as he walked. He lowered his head, and lifted it up again, his hair flicking out of his eyes as if he’d lost all confidence and then gained it back again. “Not even no?” He was looking at her now. She kept her head straight. “I could take rejection without an explanation, but can you tell me why you just don’t have an answer? Just curious is all.” Y/n swallowed. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to explain it to him. Was she being ridiculous? Overdramatic? Overthinking? She didn’t know what to think anymore. They’d already gotten to the entrance to her common room before she could think of what to say to him, so she just let everything out at once. “I can’t give you an answer. My heart sank when you asked me because I know it’s just a big joke. You’ve embarrassed me enough the past 6 years.” She began. She couldn’t control what she was saying, she just spoke. “Y/n,” He started, but was immediately interrupted as she couldn’t stop speaking. “But I can’t say no either, because if I don’t show up, or if I show up alone what am I to say? It’ll be equally embarrassing. I can’t win with you around, George.” When she finished she was out of breath. What she said didn’t hit her until she saw the look on his face. “I didn’t realize you felt that way.” George looked absolutely crushed. She didn’t know until then that he was being completely serious when he’d asked her to go to the Yule Ball with him. She’d ran from him and ignored him for a week, just to break his heart the moment he questioned her again. But how was she to know he genuinely wanted to go with her? She opened her mouth to speak, and George was going to let her but she closed her mouth as soon as he looked up at her. His eyes were watery, and she didn’t know what to do to fix it. Her silence gave George his answer, it was a big no. The twenty-fourth of November was the next chance she saw to speak to George, the first task of the tournament. He hadn’t been as bubbly as he usually is since the night before when she poured her heart out to him. She couldn’t stand to look at him and see hurt in his eyes. All she could think to do was find him in the crowd and force herself to fix things, even if it meant she had to look at his face and see the pain she caused. She walked to the arena with Hermione and Ron. Ron still wasn’t happy about the situation with Harry. He’d caused a few scenes in the common room and the courtyard. Both Hermione and y/n had tried to convince him that Harry hadn’t put his name in, but he couldn’t be convinced. Ron was easy to find his brothers, they had been having students place bets on who they believed would win the task and were walking through the pathway to the arena counting their profit. “Ron, would you mind bringing Fred along with you to find us seats? I have to fix something.” Y/n knew Ron wouldn’t mind, even in his sour mood. “As long as you manage to stop them taking the piss out of me, no problem.” He had a foul look on his face as he glanced at his brothers. She knew that his brothers had been giving him a hard time about Harry, but her first priority was to fix what she messed up. Ron, Hermione and Fred started off toward the arena. George didn’t look at y/n as he began to follow them, so she grabbed the sleeve of his jumper gently telling him to wait. He turned with his head down, he didn’t want to look at her. He was afraid if he did he would cry. “I’m not very good at this, obviously. But I need you to hear me out.” She began. He finally looked at her. She took a breath and started again. “You’ve never shown any sort of fondness towards me, no kindness, no apologies, for six years I’ve been the brunt of all of your jokes. You never gave me any explanation for that. How can you go from tormenting me for years to asking me to the first dance Hogwarts has had since we’ve been here? I couldn’t be a last option, there’s tons of girls who’d gladly go with you if you asked. Why me?” He stared at her for a moment, his eyes searched hers for some type of strength to get him to respond, and he found it. “As I said the other night in the basement, I didn’t realize you’d felt the way you did until you told me. I’ve been beating myself up since you told me how you felt. I’m not upset with you, I’m upset with myself.” This time, y/n began to tear up. “Freddie knows I’ve liked you for ages and he tells me to go for it, but I never could. I singled you out because I thought by doing something funny I could see you smile in the process instead of having to outright tell you how I felt about you. Then we came back to school to find out that they’re holding a dance, and I knew that was my opportunity. That’s why I asked you to the Yule Ball, I went for it as Freddie always told me to. He’s a lot better at going for it than I am, obviously, as he asked Angela the first day.” George finished with a chuckle, his eyes still sad. She blinked, her mouth opened and closed, and opened again. She was speechless. It was hard for her to admit to herself now that even though she didn’t have any romantic feelings for him, it would be easy for them to develop. “I can’t say I feel the same about you, considering I’ve spent my entire time at Hogwarts either crying or avoiding you. My friends are my little sisters’ friends because I’m laughed at due to your pranks.” She told him the truth. Even Ron, their little brother, was nicer to her than he had been. “I understand the way you’ve treated me, and I forgive you even if you aren’t willing to apologize because of what I said the other night.” He gave her a small smile. “Bird, of course I’m apologizing. I never meant to make you cry, or avoid your own classmates, or me. All I’m hoping for now is that I get a proper answer now that we understand each other.” “I have an answer for you. But it’s not exactly a proper one.” He looked at her with curiosity. “I’ll go to the ball with you, even though for now I don’t have any sort of feelings for you.” His head fell slightly at her statement and nodded, still not fully content with her answer. “Don’t look so down, George. If you’re lucky, you can change that. I did say I didn’t have feelings for you for now, didn’t I?” It was her turn to give him a grin. This time, he smiled. The first genuine smile he’d ever gave her. It wasn’t caused by his pranks, it was hopeful and warm. “I do have a tendency to be quite lucky.” The smile still bright on his face, he took one of her hands in his. “I’m sorry, genuinely. I’m sorry for your robes, I’m sorry for transfiguring your spell books into birds in third year, and I’m sorry for making you believe I wasn’t serious with my asking you to the ball. By Christmas, the ball, you’ll be happy to be attending with me. No one will laugh at you anymore, and you won’t have to only have my git brother for a friend. I promise.” She laughed, the first time he’d ever heard her laugh, and it was him who caused it. “Once again, I forgive you.” She took his other hand in hers and looked from their hands to his eyes. “Besides, I prefer birds to spell books anyways.”

[equalseleventhirds]

i said i wouldn't write it but i did

vaguely a sequel to this, but far in the future and focused on jon (annabelle features briefly tho. she's fine. annabelle will always be fine in my fics.) with ofc the presupposition that they've failed in one world but kept trying, bcos i think that would be fun*!

*(by which i mean heartbreaking, i'm so sorry)

There are rules, to the traveling, or at least there seem to be. There are certainly questions to be asked and points to be made, about how many instances count as a definitive rule rather than simply a pattern. But Jon likes to think of them as rules. He's always preferred concrete answers, even if it turns out they're less the truth and more just a convenient way of conceptualizing things.

So he has rules.

First: the Fears always come through on the same day. October 18, 2018. Or, given the impact history has on calendars, the equivalent of it; he'd once spent months trying to correlate the forty-third moon of cycle 1852 with his calendar just to prove his point, but the math had all worked out.

(Which does indicate, at least to Jon, that yes, the Fears probably did originate in his home world, Georgie. He'll take his petty wins where he can get them. For as long as he can remember the discussion, and the people, he's proving wrong.)

Second, it is still his tapes that the Fears follow. For every apocalypse there has been a new catalyst, but none of these new rituals supersede his. Maybe it's a testament to the strength of the Web's original plan, or maybe it's just something about Jon himself. He knows what he thinks, but... well, there isn't enough proof just yet.

Third, in spite of endless attempts to trap them and stop them, Jon is always able to travel with the Fears. Perhaps they simply can't stop him, as the original antichrist he apparently is; dozens of apocalypses in dozens of different universes, and Jon can always feel his rightful place as ruler of that terrible fearscape calling to him. He hasn't taken it yet, but it's there, and the Eye cannot abandon its true pupil without his permission.

Or perhaps they simply don't care. Every attempt so far has led to the exact same result, after all: another world left behind, another death by starvation averted, another new feast for the Fears to sink their teeth into.

Fourth, he always passes out upon entering a new world.

It's kind of annoying.

---

It is slightly unusual for him to wake up warm, comfortable, and covered in a blanket, but Jon's not about to complain. It's nice. He doesn't get a lot of comfort, and he likes sleeping in a bed, especially since he's always eldritch-nightmare-free in a new world. For a limited time only, of course.

He's fairly certain he's inside; aside from the softness underneath and around him, the air is still and temperate, the light through his eyelids is artificial, and all he can hear is the faint whirring of appliances and the whispers of two muted voices.

"—complete stranger, definitely dangerous, looks like he's from hell—"

"Okay, fine, but I wasn't going to leave him, and anyway haven't you noticed he's a bit—"

"A bit what? Scarred? Bloodstained? Glowing eyes, because I don't think I need to remind you, Martin, his eyes were absolutely glowing when you found him—"

Martin. Now there's a name. Not an uncommon one, but... he thinks he knows that voice.

Or. Well. He might know both of those voices, actually, which is even more interesting than waking up in a bed.

Jon opens his eyes.

He's met himself before, is the thing. Not in every world, and not always particularly recognizable, but he's met himself. He's met versions of Martin, too, and eventually stopped going completely useless with heartbreak every time. The merest handful of times, he's found both of them in the same world, sometimes something almost like friends, but usually not.

The fact that they have their arms around each other, casual, comfortable, close, is both entirely unexpected and perfectly, wonderfully, terribly familiar. Jon briefly considers crying about it, but there are more important things to be doing. For example.

"The glowing eyes aren't actually that sinister. I mean, they are, but not for the reasons you're probably thinking."

Jon—the other Jon—jumps at the sound of his voice, then leans forward. Curiosity, of course; that hardly ever seems to change. "You—the glowing—who are you?"

"Jon," this new version of Martin scolds, and for just a moment he's back home, with his Martin, with that exasperated tone—but no, this isn't his Martin, and he's also leaning forward now, his voice turning gentle. Concerned. Coaxing, like he's a spooked animal, and Jon doesn't think his Martin has ever talked to him that way. "How are you feeling? We found you unconscious in the street."

He can feel Martin's curiosity too, pushing forward under his concern, just as questioning as Jon but too polite to outright say it yet. He has to cut this off, or he really will cry.

"Mm... no," he says. "Well, yes. But also." Good lord, he's confusing them. Par for the course, but he should probably try to be somewhat comprehensible.

He holds up a hand, extending one finger. "I am... fine. More or less. Trust me, I'm used to this, and this isn't even the worst way it's happened." Another finger joins the first. "My name, as I believe Martin has guessed but then dismissed, is Jonathan Sims. I am not you from the future, nor am I lying, nor am I crazy, because—" a third finger "—interdimensional travel is not only possible, it has happened, is happening, because of and along with terrible monstrosities I am determined to stop, and I have explained this too many times to too many people to have much patience for anyone being shocked and disbelieving, much less a version of myself doing so, so you can either get over it and move on or I can go elsewhere and do something useful."

"Excuse—"

"And," he continues, pushing himself up so he can sit and lean forward even more intensely than his counterpart, "I would actually rather not do that just yet, because I have an extremely pressing question for the two of you."

"Um," Martin says, and "What," says the other Jon.

"How," Jon asks, deepening his voice to exude solemn, ominous, and eldritchly important, "did you two start dating?"

---

It was so... normal. Apparently. Two people, mutual friends, a chance encounter. A prickly exterior ("He hated me," both of them had claimed), but without the insecurity of being Head Archivist and the fear of dread powers beyond his comprehension, their friends had helped him open up and—eventually—apologise. A budding friendship, and then a romance, and then...

It isn't a version of them Jon has seen anywhere else, in any of the worlds he's traveled to. Normal as it is, it's a highly improbably scenario, and certainly not the same as his relationship with his Martin had been. But it was, in an infinite number of worlds, still a possibility.

Jon isn't quite sure how he feels about that, knowing that some version of them could have fallen in love without the trauma, but that they hadn't managed it.

His hands aren't shaking, as he lights his cigarette. At least there's that.

"I quit, you know," his counterpart says from behind him. "Years ago. I'd forgotten about those until you asked."

"Well then, thank you for indulging me." He gestures, meaning the cigarette, meaning the bed, meaning his claims about reality, meaning his intrusive, gossipy questioning. Meaning everything. He's not sure it gets across.

The other Jon laughs, quietly, and moves to stand next to him. "I am my worst enabler."

"Oh, that's hardly true."

"Mm." They're silent together for a while, but Jon is restless (both of him), and eventually this reality's version opens his mouth to ask. "Do you—do you know why I—I don't want to say believed you, I'm still not sure I do, b-but, didn't throw you out immediately?"

"My myriad charms?" They both laugh at that.

"Jonathan Sims," he says, as if that explains anything.

Jon takes a drag of his cigarette, considering. He could probably Know, but... indulging himself. "What about me?"

"No, not you, or. You know. You. But your name. Jonathan Sims. I decided you weren't, weren't a deliberate lie to trick me, or a future version of myself, or a mind-reading monster—"

"Well—"

"—when you said your name, because none of those things would have said that." He smiles then and holds up a hand, and—oh—his ring glints. "I've been Jonathan Blackwood for a while now."

They'd told him married eventually, but he hadn't even thought about his name. He's certainly thinking about it now. "Jonathan Blackwood," he says, soft, to himself. And to himself. "That... that sounds good."

"It does, doesn't it."

Whatever they might have said next is lost as an incredibly loud engine roars nearby and a sleek black motorcycle pulls up in front of them. Jon sighs and takes one last drag of his cigarette as the rider removes her helmet.

"Been off finding yourself, then, Jon?" Annabelle asks.

"Oh, extremely funny, yes. Did you steal that?"

"It was a gift."

"Of course it was."

The other Jon is staring at them both, his eyes repeatedly drifting back to the web-covered hole in Annabelle's head. "Who—what is—is that a—"

"She's a spider monster," Jon supplies helpfully. "She came with me, although apparently she did not pass out in the street this time."

"Two streets over, I think. Pity, I would've loved a nice nap in a proper bed, but I did get this motorcycle out of it. Come on, Jon, you can mope on the way."

"I have not been moping—"

"Haven't you? You're not the one who deals with how maudlin you get every time you meet yourself—"

"Yes, fine, thank you, we can go." He stubs out the cigarette and pauses, looking at himself. "Uh. Tell Martin—well, goodbye, I guess. I'd say I hope we meet again, but if you're lucky we won't need to?"

"...sure."

"And I'm—I hope you—that is, I'll do my best—well." He sighs. "Things are about to get... dicey, for the world in general. But just, look out for each other, and we'll try to handle the rest."

"Jon, we should be going."

"Yes, all right, all right." He gives himself one last, probably not very reassuring smile, and climbs on behind Annabelle.

They do have work to do, after all.

[miyuwuki]

Also I'd like to participate in the matchup event (daiya) if that's alright! I'll try my best to provide you with enough info, it's my first time interacting with someone here 😅

mbti : intj 5w4

likes : hobbies include exploring/understanding anything that peaks my interest, whether it be analysing the shit out of an anime or an anime character, nosleep stories, open ended debates, a good manga, I also like to get to know about other people's hobbies listening to their take on anything and everything

dislikes : sweets... and people who don't try to "see the other side of the coin" Or are too controlling, strongly opinionated about anything in particular and aren't willing to change for, ignorance in general and liars.

what I look for in a guy :

stability comes first, it takes painfully long for me to trust someone because i prefer those who are more likely to stay rather than casual acquaintances. I'm a being of few words and I expect respect and someone who doesn't restrain me. Won't drift away even when I'm rather out of touch for a while. Optimistic, mature, energetic, straight forward, simple hearted people are really attractive to me. My love language is quality time and I don't like when people act like they know me, I like when they observe, or are thoughtful, kind, considering and someone who is patient and tries, genuinely, to get to know the person I am (not prying tho🤔) I tend to be harshly honest mostly. People who understand space and I can freely voice myself and doesn't have to live in a constant fear as if expecting them to leave are definitely a win for me, and I'll try my hardest to love and appreciate them anyhow I can!

(I hope it's alright and congratulations again! 🥳)

a/n: hello! enjoy! @neraiiuchii !

DIAMOND NO ACE

miyuki kazuya

first daiya boy is miyuki! miyuki also kind of thinks like an analyst, so i thought it would be so cute╴like you guys would have deep conversations, literally about anything. you get him into nonsleep stories and that is his newfound obsession! :D always asking you for recommendations and is honestly not too scared about it. after every game, he watches and analyzes the scorebook and gameplay with you; he really values your input on them and even encourages you to be a manager; but not like cooking for the team and things, like analyzing the games and coming up with strategies to make them even better. ah, that is so cute! you guys bond over how you both dislike sweets, and it makes it easier for him to cook foods you like because of your similar tastes. miyuki has grown up in a way where he does not express his feelings well, but he isn’t closed minded╴he will listen to you and give you the space he needs because in fairness, he needs that as well. in addition, this makes hime extremely observant and patient with you <3 your trope with him is definitely best friends to lovers╴i mean miyuki wouldn’t just choose anyone, right? he knows you like the back of his hand, of course he’ll choose you hehe. miyuki loves spending time with you on his off days, and these dates consist of you both at home or at his dorm, him cooking, then taking a little stroll talking about anything and everything in depth. he loves the little things you do that show that you love him, it’s just a gentle reminder that you’re by his side and he doesn’t have to go through anything alone. 

takigawa chris yuu

and ur second boy! chris! chris is a bit more on the optimistic side of the spectrum, and it comes along with kindness and pure, sweet love :> he loves hearing you talk about your interests because he feels like he learns so much from you. he constantly asks you questions to get you to explain it further, and sometimes he’ll do his own research so next time, he can converse back. he really admires you for your analytical skills. chris is anything bu controlling or close-minded, he is literally a good soul and we all need a chris. he’ll offer his own opinion but will ultimately reach a common ground because he knows everyone has different opinions╴he just wants to reach an understanding. again, i feel like this is a friends to lovers trope, but he was in love with you all this time. he knows how much you value getting to know someone, and he really respects that. but he couldn’t help but not fall for the way you articulated your thoughts into words, or how you smile when you’re listening to your friends talk. with that, he is extremely patient with you. chris is very observant about your feelings, so don’t bother hiding anything from him. although, he won’t sugar coat anything, and you’ll get hard, honest truth. like miyuki, he loves the little things you do for him╴it gives him so much happiness.

*＊✿❀reblogs and likes are appreciated❀✿＊*

[oh-for-fic-sake]

The Stand In Chapter Seven

Masterlist Summary: Your finally home! comfortable and confident in the familiar surrounding's at least you are until Henry helps scout the woods for shooting location's and manages to get you alone and you both find out that admitting feelings is tough, but misunderstandings are much worse. Warnings: Implied Smut?, Innuendos?,  Angst, Fluff, Swearing A/N: so here we go chapter Seven!! I'm super happy with how this has ended up but its very long...very long like 1300+ words so get ready!!  This is mostly fluff and angst!!  And a special Thanks to @ayme301​ for helping my with the idead of Joey!!! I hope you all enjoy it xx Taglist: @dark-night-sky-99 @thummbelina @sofiebstar @jellicorn05 @m3anwhil3misha @thefangirlsblog @al-wiisa @healojane @goodpeoplegotohellanyway @heybitchhhh @britty443 @ayamenimthiriel @crazyandanonymous4u @rebel4fandom @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo @angelofthorr @harrysthiccthighss @loserrlauraa @tumblnewby @singeramg @cheeseman​ @lundelorient @isitmine @tinabean37

"You ready?" You asked grabbing your phone checking the battery quickly. Eighty percent good enough. Freya smiled nodding it was time to get going! "Yeah lets go...This is a cool car its very you..Does it have aux? Bluetooth? Can I connect to it?" You chuckled nodding to her sitting in your baby. "Yeah go ahead! she has a killer sound system if I do say so myself~...Use the aux its better on your battery life its in the glove box" she clapped her hands excited as you moved tucking your phone in to the door pocket. She squeeled when she saw found the aux cable and gushed over how neat and cute your car was, you smirked, you thought your baby was cute to. "Oh my god! It's so so small but comfy! like its not cramped in here at all!" you shook your head. As she moved her seat back and streatched out. She was right looks were deceiving you had a black Peugeot 207cc, not to fancy but it was a convertible and all yours. You both fiddled about getting seat belts on and Freya popped her bag on the small bucket seat in the back letting her stretch out her feet in the foot well completely unhindered. You brought the car to life, a deeper growl than she should have thanks to your little customization's. Freya looked around it getting to grips with the stereo you moved your hand down to the roof controls pulling back and she flew, jumped about a foot nearly hitting the roof as it peeled away then began laughing loud. "Holy shit it's a convertible?!" You smiled nodding smugly to her as she leaned back already connecting her phone to the stereo. "I've so hit the jack pot today!" She called as suddenly her music came through the quality speakers you'd had put in.

You swore lightly as you crawled along the motorway in first gear. This was a shit day you should of known Mathew was a bad omen. Here you were nine nearly ten hours into what should have been a seven hour drive. Roof down in the blistering thirty four degree heat!!. The air con was on cooling your feet but that was little constellation to the burning on the back of your neck. "So here is the down side to a convertible no protection in the fucking heat!" You said trying to laugh off the brutal situation at least it was automatic and you wasn't shifting gear every few mineut's or so. Honestly your feet weren't even on the pedals the car did all the work crawling down the tarmac. Things had been great until an hour ago you'd been cruising,  blasting tunes,taking selfies with Freya even a video for her instagram story which over the course of filming you'd been involved with. Joey had also convinced you to make your own which was cool. But during this drive things had been just laid back and fun! Especially as you weaved in and out of the Witcher entourage singing along to the likes of queen, little mix and Rhianna as you went, having a proper girls road trip. Freya received a text from Joey who was in a car behind you at some point begging you to change the song when Freya decided to blare toss a coin once she spotted him waving in the window. Even Henry who was in the bus you were overtaking had popped his head up and called a few words out the window laughing as you passed him head bopping like pigeons to Joeys strumming. Naturally once you'd got those reactions the song was put on repeat and turned up. You'd even slowed down to be along side Henry's bus and trap Joey's car behind you for a few verse's or so the second time round before shooting off and pulling in infront of the bus. Then a lunch pit stop which included you and Freya following Joey singing toss a coin loud and off key to irritate him. But he laughed along with you, he found it quite flattering that you both knew all the words because you both had it on your phone..I mean what Witcher fan doesn't? After lunch the other trucks had caught up with you and you all set of again for the next few grueling hours of the drive. It was only one more hour of plain sailing until bang. Fucking traffic an accident by the looks of it, you were all trying to check the news but it had only just happened and nothing was being released about it. but by the amount of police and ambulances it was very bad. "Fuck me we will get there quicker reversing!" You groaned slumping Freya giggled finding the whole situation a laugh a mineut she moved opening a bag of crisps holding them out to you letting you take a few. "No no its fine besides I get to wear this fashionable hat~" she posing for anothet selfie in the large floppy sun hat that you kept in the car for this type of situation the hat covered the back of your neck. She scanned her phone and sat up from her slouched position seeing the traffic news. "Oh fuck they just put inline about the accident...We're on the M40 right?" You nodded to her and frowned what ever was online didn't seem good for her to frown like that "Says here tail backs are for a few hours...Accident was two lorries caused a ten car pile up at junction eight... looks nasty five fatalities." You squinted junction eight?! That was fucking miles away from where you were sitting. You moved to reply but was interupted by her phone going off. "Hold on its Lauren...Hi...You saw it to?...Hold on I'll ask her" she moved turning to you. "Are we close to the accident? Lauren said you'd know better than anyone" you shook our head at her letting the car crawl faster as someone pulled oof into the lay by getting out to have a piss. "Not really... About twenty minutes in normal traffic. I know a short cut the smaller cars and vans can take to avoid it busses can't tho just tell them to follow me" Freya recited that to Lauren who seemed to consult Tee the put the phone on loud speaker. "Really? You can get us there quicker around the traffic?" You heard the hope in Laurens tone as she asked you. "Yeah you just gotta trust me I know this area....Might cut through country roads near home okay? tell them to follow me off the motorway after the next junction A404 then down to the M4 the bigger trucks and busses will have to go on to A329 then to the M3 they should come off at towards blackwater and hawley...think its the A327or skmehing its an okay work around but the rest can fit in the smaller roads with me" you heard Tee speak up moving to the phone getting louder. "You thinking of going around ascot? The old back roads around the ferns and the old showground?" You smiled as she guessed correctly and nodded you could hear the smile in her voice. "Yeah then we can be in the woods from the back near the chocolatebox house just past the sand pitt" you explained knowing you and Tee were the only two who had a clue what you were talking about. In all honesty you wasn't that far from the woods it was just the motorway though a pain and longer in miles was usually faster. "But don't we need to be on the other side? We were setting up set on your side of Brian's woods...Better access" She questioned you huffed smiling she forgot it would all be cornered off for you. "Yeah but snake lane is gonna be clear with us booking the whole wood so can use that to cut through there" you grinned hearing a decisive hmpf and a chuckle fro Lauren before Tee spoke up again. "Alright smart ass" she said grumbling "I take that as a compliment~" You and Freya eyed one another giggling both knowing Tee was gonna pout. "Okay well it sounds like you have a plan could you text me the directions so we and text them to the others." Freya nodded and confirmed saying she'd text them over "Its better actually we still need to walk the woods and find exact locations...We panicked and had to book anywhere we could after the covid shenanigans.. But we trust you girls you seem to know where your going~" you quickly thanked Lauren and she hung up giving Freya the time to text over the directions so everyone could be informed of the new plans.

Thanks to your short cut you and a few others managed to be home within 45 mineuts as apposed to the trucks and busses that were still another hour and twenty mineuts away others had also figured out the new work around. Much to your surprise Henry and Kal were also here managing to wrangle themselves into one of the small people carriers with Joey to practice lines. Currently you were walking through the woods near camp with Tomasz and Lauren looking for locations to shoot. You didn't really need to accompany them but after sitting in traffic for so long you all needed to stretch your legs. Freya had stayed behind with kal and Tee finding themselves a spot on a blanket under a huge tree just relaxing enjoying the soft breeze. It was the calm before the storm, the few days of relaxing and slowly throwing your base camp together before jumping right back into the hectic filming schedule. You walked along the trails completely at ease eyes roaming the familiar woods you were home. Not that you live in the woods but..You lived across from them literally you parents house was just over the field, across from the main entrance and base that was currently being set up on the small worn dirt car park enough to just squeeze everything in to. Although this wood was close to Hawley wood it wasn't apart of it. This was a private working woodland with hacking paths and logging areas. You looked down scanning the area out of habit, you did it automatically drilled into you from exploring and playing in these woods. You saw it, your trained eyes locking on the slim body and quickly without hesitating yanked Joey towards you causing him to yelp as you pulled him off his footing. The others stopped looking at you as Joey began creating a fuss. You pointed down to wear he nearly placed his foot. Joey had nearly stood on a fucking snake an adder to be more precise. "There's a fucking snake Joey?!" Suddenly there were 'manly' screams as Joey bolted around you away from the snake coiled on the floor by his foot. He was hysterical freaking out with frantic twitches with every brush of twigs and grass. "Joey its okay see he hasn't moved..He isn't bothered he wont bite you...He would have had you stepped on him" You noticed everyone suddenly paying close attention Henry came closer looking in awe fascinated. He went to pick up a stick making to poke it but you stopped him. "No Henry! Fuck no! That’s an adder..." he looked at as if to say and?...Oh yeah most people don’t know. You sighed motioning to it. "Venemous Henry...Their Venemous you do not want to be bit by it...Fucking nasty Levi got bit once painful business" you moved ushering everyone on before the snake got to aggravated you knew how fast they can move you were all in striking distance. As you moved across the trail everyone now seemed to watch the ground carefully as you walked through the sparse area before reaching camp. "But seriously a fucking snake!? I didn't think we had them over here!?" Joey said clutching at your arm eyeing the floor still twitchy you linked arms with the panicked man who looking around warily eyeing the sticks treading carefully. "Yes we do, a couple actually some grass snakes, smooth snakes worst are the Adders...Its rare to see them in all honesty Adders especially they are the only venomous snake in this country not life threatening though" You almost laughed as the others stuck close to you each making sure you were still eyeing the track.

"How'd you spot it anyway?" You shrugged at him as you continued this particular path was a large c and you were close to the carpark by now. "I grew up here you learn to keep your eyes peeled...A little advice though they coil up in sun spots, so the clearer the canopy the more likely they are there, flat surfaces to he was just sunning himself...Just watch your feet and you'll be fine...They leave around October to, gets to cold" you tried easing the frightened man he nodded and relaxed his hold before trying to laugh it all off with some typical Joey-esque bravado and Jaskier worthy scoffing. "What else should I worry about Tinks? foxes? Wasps!" You shook your head laughing at him cutely patting his arm breaking away making him quickly clutch at you again. "Haha no foxes are skittish round here...But we do have a few vespa hornets...And badgers...Badgers are worse... Don't go poking around any borrows" you smiled smugly and slipped from Joey's hold properly he whined looking around still jumpy from the snake incident. "Fucking wait a minute what do i worry about more the hornets or badgers?" You hummed and weighed up the time. The vespa hornets are scary as fuck buzzing around you and they are few and far between you just brought them up to make him squirm...What can you say today you were just in that type of mood, besides your and Joeys whole friendship was annoying one another with banter. But you loved each other when it came down to it. You tapped your chin making the man wait with baited breath. Aw bless he looked so uncomfortable. "Badgers, I was pissing about with the hornets they haven't been spotted for a few years" you said finally putting Joey out of his misery. "Really...Badgers aren't they like tiny...The size of a house cat?" You smiled turning to face him shaking your head. "Wait a minuet you've never seen a badger? Like ever?" You asked completely struck with the fact he might never have seen an animal that to you is common, there is a burrow near your shed for christ sake!. "Nope...Never but really they can't be that bad" he said you gaped at him.Well I'll be damned. Never seen one, you were gonna fix that! "Joey hun they are bigger than a cat like neary a meter long and chubby big claws" he gulped looking around even more wary making you burst out laughing. "Joey, they are knocturnal you wont see a badger...Or a fox the most you'll see is squirrels, rabbits maybe some snakes or slow worms-which look like baby bronze snakes but are harmless nothing to deadly I assure you" he seemed to calm down at that.

Once back at set you watched Lauren and Tomasz frustrated talking with each other trying to pick out spots for filming, they were under strain trying to find the perfect locations. But they seemed underwhelmed with the area ,You heard the word ritual and magic. You could see they were getting frustrated. Trying to think you snapped your fingers the gate! "You wanted a magical type place for filming?" You asked incredulous they nodded to you hoping you could pull another win out of the bag today "Wish you'd just said! I thought you were looking for some trail for Geralt to walk or something!...Follow me! I know a spot it's one of those things if you don't know about it you wont find it" You marched off slipping off the trail leaving no room for thought. Henry was the first to shrug following followed by Lauren and Tomasz. Joey had stayed behind this time wandering over to Freya Tee and Kal not willing to risk another snake encounter. Henry eyed your back as you walked on through the scrub leading once again Knowing exactly where you were off to for the second time today. He followed behind the two directors calling out to you as you lead them seemingly deeper into the woods. "Tinks are you sure we should leave the trail!?" You waved Henry off making him heave a sigh.

"Trust me! I know my way around these part this is home turf!" Was what you called out over you shoulder as you marched on wards, you continued leading them deeper into the woods away from the main trails ten minuets later you stopped looking down a steep bank, the ground broke of suddenly into a six foot drop a small clear trickling stream as the base you smiled...It was still standing. "Here this is it!! I used to play here as a kid I almost forgot it was here! It was only when you said magic I remembered" You quickly launched yourself down the bank that had seemed much higher as a kid. It looked much older now the over hanging roots now thick and looping out and in the dirt towards the old structure below. It was a stone moon gate on a flat pebbled bank that peeked out of the tiny stream that bended around it making the structure have a small five to six inch deep moat. A few larger trees had fallen but it actually did a favour opening up the canopy of trees letting larger streams of light frame the scene. Tomasz and Lauren smiled quickly speaking amongst themselves about how they could make this work as 'Geralt’s camp' and the small ritual Yennefer was going to do.

You walked over to the lightly Aged stone smiling remembering all the times you played here as a kid. You were glad it was still standing. "You know I broke my wrist trying to climb this as a kid... Didn't even notice to much thought I sprained it...Mum went mental when I got home and she realized Id been playing on it for hours despite it being black and blue the size of a grapefruit...knocked me out of competition for a while to...I was always down here best place to find tadpoles!" You muttered as Henry crept up behind you smiling you turned eyeing him cautiously and quickly flicked your gaze to the stone again and pointed to one at the top. "That’s the bugger I slipped on! Everything seemed much taller then" he followed your gaze and sighed, it must have been something being raised around here. "Well I doubt there’s much difference now~" he smiled poking playfully at your height as he stood tall. Henry moved to the side eyeing the large stone circle. You whined at him giving a sweet pout before huffing stepping towards the small stream. Henry did a slow walk of the little make shift island in the stream taking in the tall aged trees, the canopy of leaves was high so the equipment would get in here fine without causing much damage...And the bank gives a good overview of the area. He turned one slow sweeping motion eyes landing on you who had tucked down letting your hands dip into the shallow water you sunk them to your wrists letting the cool water wash over them you sighed happily. It was good to be back home. To Henry you were a vision, the light hitting the water lighting up your face as you closed your eyes and smiled taking a deep breath just enjoying the moment. You were sexy and stunning, cute all in one you just seemed so? "Perfect" you looked back up to him shyly his soft eyes were glowing in the fractured light reflecting off the water. You swallowed unable to stop your staring the man was sunning his face was relaxed a small lopsided smile across the perfect jaw he licked his bottom lip and smiled wider, he was always happy to capture your attention. "I think its perfect here to!...The gate isn't that old though...Only like twenty odd years...Which does us a favor Brian had it put in when his daughter was at university studying photography and cinematography... She used it for her final project-" Henry shook his head with a chuckle You'd missed his point. He crouched down beside you angling himself to face you holding eye contact then slowly moved caressing your face lightly tucking the short lilac strands behind you ear in a sweet gesture. You gasped unable to hold eye contact for long looking down to you hands in the water trying not to squeak at him being so close. Yet so far? It was bittersweet. The object of your fantasies. Man of your dreams was right here. In touching distance constantly flirting and making almost romantic gestures. Yet he was still out of your reach. Out of your league. Your face dropped and you faltered.

There you go again. Something crossed your eyes making you pull back. Nerves? doubt? Unease? Henry couldn't tell but he really wished he could stop it. Wished you'd stop getting yourself down. Its like when you acted but instead of a mask it almost felt like a wall. You slammed up a guard between you and he wanted nothing more then to tear it down. To comfort and reassure you, but it was hard to try and reassure you when he didn't know what was wrong. 'Maybe now's the time?....Yes! That’s it right come on superman pull some courage out of your ass...Tinks go out with me....No no that's not-your not giving her a choice she'd say no just to be stubborn...Right...Tinks I'd be honored if you'd accompany me on a date....What the fuck? Honored,accompanied? What is this a fucking marriage proposal?...Well not yet-WHAT THE FUCK HENRY? YOUR NOT EVEN DATING HER YET!! Right okay okay new plane ,new plan ask her out or?...Or just tell her you like her bingo ask her out and if you fail tell her you like her!..I mean fuck sake. AcOmPaNy Me On A dAtE. It wasn't a question either...Come on henners...WHY THE FUCK IS THIS SO DIFFICULT!? its never been this difficult...So that means she's the one right?-So I cant afford to screw up!...No pressure then...Right just say Tink's would you like to go out with me?...Yes that’s it straight to the point....Would you go out with me? Would you go out with me? Right okay...Okay deep breath here we go' After Henry hyped himself up plans A and B all ready to go. Oh god. He moved his hands into the water it was a tactical move. His palms were sweaty. He took a deep breath watching his own hand dip into the cold stream sighing contentedly 'yes right now just ask....Ask her out...Move your lips say Tinks would you go out with me?...That's all you need to say! FUCK SAKE SAY IT! ASK HER?...Hold her hand first' He moved his hand through the water before stopping and wrapping his hand around yours, then brought the other to hold it to. Enveloping your hand with his own making your breath hitch you went to ask what he was doing but froze getting trapped in his eyes.

He was staring intently almost like when you first met him but there was something deeper like he wanted to get something out. It looked almost painful was he worried?

"H-henry? Are you okay? Do-don't you like this place? Do you think it wont work?" You asked panicking it was clear you were already trying to think of other places and little groves the wood has.

"No! No it's I....This place is perfect but...It's just that...That’s not quite what I meant~ I wasn't talking about ah... I was talking about...Well" you froze cheeks tinting pink as you cottoned on as he continued staring at you...That he had he been talking about you... He smirked feeling more confident watching as you became all shy realization crossing your face. You quickly looked down to the crystal clear water suddenly finding the colored stones that made up the stream bad interesting. You occupied yourself by curling your fingers in his hand gripping him as he squeezed it lightly reassuringly. It was more for him to reaffirm his resolve. You were here alone now. Time to do this go Henry go!

"You-your so beautiful do you know that?" You smiled and chuckled at him waving your free hand to him⁸ nervously voice getting caught in your throat. 'Oh my god? Is this really happening!? Shit girl he is looking right at you,lovingly? IS THIS CLASSED AS ROMANTIC!? OH MY GOD IT FUCKING FEELS LIKE IT....Fuck fuck okay don’t scream...Don't scream or panic...Not to be one to toot my own horn but he is lost in your gaze like one of those fucking mills and boom romances...Was he meaning to look at you like that? All sweet and endearing...But no! Stop it!...It will never happen your just letting the others get to you...But then why is he saying this? If he didn't mean it? He doesn't seem the type to say things for no reason...But oh fuck wouldn't that be something?...This gorgeous sweet man thinking you were beautiful....But no, you can't afford to fall for it no matter how tempting' you swallowed looking away from him trying to distance yourself. This was a fantasy! He will never be yours. He was... Entertaining himself is all. You took a breath looking at him trying to slowly pry your hand from his but he wouldn't allow it, he was frowning at you lightly. "H-henry you don't..Don't have to...Mathew isn't here you don't have to say stuff like that...Don’t have to protect me from him" you muttered the words quietly unsure if you really wanted to hear his reply. A part of you liked to pretend that he was interested, that he could like you and he wasn't just doing all this out of some strange misplaced feeling of responsibility. You held your breath waiting for him to confirm that that was all it was. He felt responsible for you. He shook his head releasing a deep breath before speaking and even serious tone. "Tinks would you...Fuck okay no...Right. Tink's. Would you like to..." Henry turned his head squeezing his eyes shut and cursed angrily. You frowned at him he looked annoyed and upset. You knew it! You fucking knew it! It was just him taking responsibility for you! He was just being kind...To kind to even let you down easy. Your chest clenched horribly tight and your wind wipe constricted pulling in the most awful of ways. You felt so stupid for ever building your hopes . Of course he didn't really like you....This was Henry Cavill the incredibly handsome actor who'd never have looked twice at you if you hadn't been working along side him. You felt crushed and looked away as tears gathering in your eyes. You were so pathetic a silly little virgin with big ambitions. Maybe Mathew was a safer bet. You tried to slip away from him but he wouldn't let you instead of releasing your hand he moved circling your wrist in a firm grip.

Henry swore under his breath.What the fuck just happened? One moment he had stammered out half of his admission, began to literally ask you out. Then the next you were all but falling to pieces in front of him trying to run off. How? Why?...No he'd fucked up along the way and he couldn't figure out how he'd shot himself in the foot this time. He held your wrist in on hand the other firmly interning  hi fingers with your despite you trying to wriggle away. "Whoa there-hey Tink's?....Whats the matter love?..Y/n could you look at me...Please love?" He asked softly tip toeing forward trying to inch closer but not fall ass first into the water, he settled knocking knees with you. Slowly you sniffled and put on a smile it was clear to see it was a forced one it didn't reach you eyes. He winced seeing the beautiful emeralds clouded by tears. His guts churned he had done that. He didn't like it. "Hey there gorgeous~ what's gotten you so upset?...Look love I was trying to say...That I-I know that I don't have to but I want to...I love complimenting you. You deserve to be told how incredibly beautiful you are" you frowned at him what? But that doesn't make any sense? You tilted your face slightly turning to him trying to conceal your unshed tears not wanting him to think your pathetic. It was a pointless endeavor he was looking right at you holding eye contact he could see them alright there was no denying that. But strangely it was his cheeks that were pink for once and with a lopsided uneasy smile on his face he looked like a little boy trying to dig himself out of a very big hole. He continued stuttering slightly stumbling over his words trying to find the right ones. "I...A-and I was trying to find the words..pfft still am...I-It's just that I'm finding this....Hard? harder then usual for some reason...I just really really wanted to tell you that I...I was serious the other day Tinks, about a possible relationship" His brow was twitching worriedly a he spoke and he still seemed completely out of his depth but he carried on clearing his throat. "I...Y/n I meant every word. I? I'm not just doing these things to protect you from that little prick...hehe That's just a bonus.. I just wish you knew what you did to me...I-Fuck me come on Henry!...I really like you Tinks..Like like" he finished with a small chuckle and sagged his shoulders in relief so glad to have that off his chest he didn't even notice you freezing holding your breath even.

You just gaped at him in that moment everything stopped. 'What? but how? Why? That was why he...It wasn't because he didn't like you? He was nervous and couldn't find the words because he did?...OOOHHH SHIIITT HE WAS FUCKING WHAT?? HE WAS-NO NO no calm...That’s it breath and think...he liked you, he liked you!. He was serious....babe he was MOTHER FUCKING SERIOUS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? WHERE AM I? WHO AM I?... He meant it, he meant it this is just...wow Henry has meant all these things holy fuck...Oh my god, now that really does change things.GET IN THERE GIRL YOU CLAIM YOUR HONEY BUN!! Hehe more like Claim your sexy bun's...No...No not yet fuck play it cool shit your freaking out and he can see it! Stop it...ouch why do my lungs hurt? Oh I'm holding my breath yep that'd do it now breath...Any time now one big gulp of air should do it....Oh for the love of god! Breath it's not that hard! Just-just calm down and fucking breath!!...Oh fuck he is serious you weren't going crazy!!...Henry Cavill...Want's you? Like holy shit mind blown...Now how do we go about it? How do you start The dating process? Shit this would be so much easier of he didn't still take your breath away!' Henry cleared his throat nodding to himself a reassuring smile on his face and stood taking you with him you were having a meltdown that was clear so there wasn't much you could do. You were to lost in your own thoughts to fight him as he stood with you pulling you closer. He seemed pleased to have gotten that off his chest. He moved holding your hand by your fingers curling them until your hand was held firmly in a princess hold your hand trembled ever so slightly, palm growing sweaty...You hope he didn't notice as he pulled your now cool hand to his face placing another sweet kiss to the back of it snapping you out of your little tizzy finally he pulled away with a wink and grin now seeing you were back from where ever you'd gone to. "I love it when you zone out and glow like that, face all cute and red it normally means I'm doing something right~" you stuttered at him as he spoke in a low easing tone. How he can go from nervous and stuttering to cheeky and confident in seconds always caught you off guard. The man was blessed in so many ways...To many if you were honest.

It was after that a silence fell over you both as you stole glances each other. You shivered meeting his increasingly nervous gaze. Shit this was getting awkward real quick. You shuffled around each other daring the other to ask. Willing for one another to ask the all important question. Do you want have dinner with me?. That's all a simple question. The air felt fragile, neither of you wanted to speak nervous and quivering. Your eyes roamed him questioning. Should you? Was he waiting for you to ask? Or was it to early?  Was he just letting you know?

Henry bit his lip. He was freaking out he had hoped his last comment had lightened the mood and it had, but you were still frozen blushing unsure where to put your face he began panicking. 'Shit. It was to much to soon. Was it? Were you not interested? Did he fuck this up...Fuck sake Henry you just had to be an eager beaver and now you've cocked up royally...Quick change the subject or-or ask...Ask her out dammit don't let this chance pass you by!!' He grunted and took a small step towards you grasping your hand again running his thumb over the back of it. But in the end it was fruitless just as you peeked up at him Lauren had called down to you both. You twisted your head nodding and moved walking over to the bank, but you didn't let got of Henry's hand, instead you interlocked your fingers squeezing trying to get across just how you felt in the tiny gesture. If you didn't have the courage to say anything you could at least try to show it? Lauren and Tomasz began speaking as you and Henry sauntered back to them looking up. Tomaz smiled knowingly at the interlocked hands but chose to say nothing. Instead he rose an eyebrow as you both had pink tinted cheeks. Henry was grinning like a Cheshire cat you were holding his hand! You held onto him and you wasn't letting go! So it meant you were interested, you were just to shy to ask him out. But what did he expect? He'd just sprung it on you- did he really think a shy inexperienced gorgeous young woman who was a self confessed fan was going to ask him out? What a dick!? Well at least he realized his mistake even if it was to late...There was always tomorrow. "Its time to head back it's six already!" Lauren said she was right the sun would be setting soon ,not that it was a problem but after today you all just wanted to sleep. Henry moved pulling you towards the bank releasing you holding out his arms out ready to catch you as you began climbing up the bank. Once you were up and away from the edge he moved hoisting himself up.

The trip back to the base camp was fairly quiet. Henry had fallen instep beside you capturing your hand in his again making you smile as he rubbed his thumb absentmindedly over it. You grinned and swooned inside 'HOLY SHIT TODAY HAS BEEN ONE HELL OF A DAY....And oh my fuck He is holding your hand!...Like fuck me! This is insane Henry cavill-superman, Geralt Is holding your mother fucking hand after confessing he likes you in the woods.....And its not a scene THIS WAS REAL FUCKING LIFE AAAAHHHH!!...He is just- Fucking hell! This is just to surreal! And his hand is so big and warm and strong...His fingers are so fucking thick and ugh! God I wonder what they'd feel like if he was to-NO! NO THE SNEK INCIDENT WAS ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY YOU RANDY LITTLE PRAT.... Y/N DON'T YOU FUCKING GO THERE!...But gurl two finger would be the sizze of your mini rabbit...Now there was a though~...Like you had no qualms of him getting a little freaky...Or a lot you'd fucking die on the spot! UGH SHIT YOU FUCKING WENT THERE!!' You tilted your head looking at him again he gave a shy smile as he followed the others in the direction of camp. You and Henry both walked side by side fidgiting both unable to say anything. There was many things to be said but you were both to nervous...And for the first time you both sort of clicked thatthe other was nervous Henry couldn't stand it much longer so spoke up clearing his throat. "H-ahem...How'd you know about the snakes and moon gate?" you smiled quickly jumping to answer his question thankfull he had broke the silence. "Well I grew up here...Once at the set if you look across the road theres the cottage just over the field, with the blue windows? Thats my parents house." You explained  Henry nodded he had seen it when they pulled into the carpark earlier he smiled brightly. And twisted his body useing his interlocked fingers to usher you before him through the slim pating in the younger thick trees. You smiled blushing as his hand skimmed your ass face flaming. 'Did he do that on purpose? Was he trying to feel your ass and mor importantly...Did he like it? Was it to small? To big?OH MY GOD DID IT WRIGGLE AS YOU WALKED!!??' It used to be a pert little ass with all your training and shit but since you'd stopped competing it had gotten a little chubby... Youwwre pulled from your thoughts "The chocolatebox house?" He asked moving his other hand pushing some of the lower branches out of the way as to walked up the hill to the trail that you'd been on earlier. "That’s the one! Born and raised in that house" you explained eyeing him casually he rose his eyebrows looking a little shocked then let out a chuckle under his  breath. "Wow I knew you said we were going to your home but is didn't think we'd be that close, so I suppose we will be meeting your parents then? I can imagine your mummwantingnto come and visit...shes missed you"  henry moved slower not wanting this to end he wanted to drag this out because as soon as you reached the trailers youd both part ways. "Uhuh...Probably at some point she's gonna sneak over. Not today though I texted Mum that we were here late because of traffic so she said to pop by tomorrow to see her, she can't wait for a proper catch up..But dad is on a fishing trip so wont be back for a few days still he has been itching to get out on the lakes again he had to give it up over lockdown he really found it hard" henry nodded he could understand that the lockdown had been tough on everyone. "I bet he is making up for lost time...I didnt understand why they stopped fishing? I mean arnet ou normally alone and far apart do you dont tangle lines or so,thing you looked down with a grim look. "He is trying to, poor sod hasnt cuahgt anyhing in this heat" you explained with a giggle it was just his luck that when he finally got out for a few days the fish wouldn't bite, you could only imagine how irritated the man must be. "But as I was saying these are pretty much my woods in all but name...my brothers and I grew up playing in it I can navigate it with my eyes closed!" You gloated twisting swinging your intwined hands lightly he tipped his head back looking to the trees "Oh really you'll have join me and Kal on a walk sometime? Give us a tour?" You faltered then smiled shyly nodding that sounded fun. "Alright then it'd be nice...There are some hour long walks I wouldn't let Kal off though at this time of year, not with the snakes around I'd hate to see him bit" you offered out casually as you both crept up on the set lights seemingly moving slower but once you were both out of the woods you smiled shyly. Before both releasing hands slowly like a couple of  crushing school children and went your own ways. You were both clear with one another...Weren't you? 'Oh fuck! I didn't reply!? Fuck fuck what if he thought you wasn't interested? That he took your silence as refusal!! OH MY GOD NO NO NO PLEASE GOD NO!' You turned suddenly to him taking a step towards him as he walked away, swallowing curseing yourself for being so shy. Once again you'd held yourself back from what you truley wanted.No! No more, you'd over come this shit for him. He was worth the risk, worth the fear. "Henry! Wait a moment can I just?" He stopped frowning and stood still you jogged the last few steps to him body shaking like a leaf as you aproached him, he stood frim shoulder trembling with his own nerves. You finally made stood befor him gulping watching him with panicked wide eyes. Was he expecting the worse? "I er...Its probably obvious but...I sort of...Kind of...Well fuck it...Ireallylikeyouto" you muttered out your admission and with a rush of forced adrenaline you quickly surged forward darted up onto your tip toes one hand placed on his bicep the other on his chest keeping your balance and just li,ethat your lips connected with his jaw leaving a quick chaste kiss his light scruff...You were aiming for his cheek but the man was huge and your short ass only managed to place a kiss to the side of his mouth. You stood back twisting your hands back into your own top nervously, already regretting kissing the man for many reaons. One of which being now you'd had his skin below your lips you knew no one and nothing will ever compare and second...He was just standing there shocked wide eyed and a flush crept up his face before splitting into a painfully wide grin his eyes despite shocked were twinkling with an almost childish glee. You placed your hands on your own burning cheeks and quickly spun on your heels and all but ran in the opposite direction not stopping to see his face. It wasn't until you'd shut yourself in the trailer you peeked out of the porthole window on the door he had moved, was walking to his own trailer with a spring in his step...He was almost skipping.

You sat down on the floor on the trailer feet down the entrance steps holding a hand to your chest feeling therabbit li,e heart beat leesa thumping morea hum from how frantic it was pumping...It'd be justyour luck the haveaheat attack now you gulped and began laughing smoothing your hands through your hair. 'Holyfuck...I just...I just kissed him!I JUST FUCKING KISSED HIM ALMOST ON THE MOUTH!! AND AND SHIT!...Fuck thatwas just so- his scuff was amazing and and hedidnt thrlwme off him?! He let me he was happy and and...OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE DIDNT EVEN FLINCH... AND AND I KISSED HIM!' you flopped back to lay on the cool lamented floor arms stretched wide laughing and squeeling kicking your legs on the steps you couldn't contain your fangirl! You were blown away. 'I kissed him...And he accepted it...He smiled and was fucking skipping! And he scruff on my nose and cheek UGH~ FUCK YES BEARD BURN? PLEASE DADDY!' You rolled from side to side squealing still far to excited to even think of getting up and moving. It wasn't long before yourveiw ofthe ceiling wasblurred by tiny tears. You sniffled still laughing whilst wiping away atthe tears that trickled free from your eyes, tears of relief and joy. A life time's worth of silly worries releasing when the reality settled in. You were enough for someone? Pretty enough to be liked? Good enough for someone and of all the people he liked you...Henry Cavill liked you back!...Just having someone admit that they liked you would have meant the world to you, let alone someone you looked upto and were crushing on. It was silly but you always felt there was something wrong with you to get this far in life without having a boyfreind or a lover. Fuck all your freinds were married with kids and you were just left on the shelf so to speak. You knew it was mostly due to your brothers but after they left for the armed servicees a girl couldnt help wonder why no one looked her way?...Start to question yourself, your worth. And for the first time thats what you felt worthy and dareyou say desired.

Later on Joey was in Henry's trailer watching the man pacing back and forth in a mess once again. It was deja vu. But this time Freya was here to witness the mental breakdown...Was it a break down sure the man looked worried but also ecstatic! It was a weird combination tosee. Henry was trying to explain bless him but he was cutting himself off with tonnes of mumbled what if's and maybe's. Basically the man was over thinking. "Soo...You want to tell us whats got you so frazzled or what??" He asked but Henry stopped facing the two sat at the table shook his head making one more legnth of the bus and finally stopped paceing and sliced his hands through the air. "I err ...Well...She kissed me...." Headmittd slapping his hips as he lowered his hands to his sides. Joey through his head back scoffing shaking hksheadin disbelief. "Bollocks" Henry sighed ans stopped before the smaller man arms out at his sides palms up shrugging trying to get across he was being deadly serious. "No no seriously Joey...Listen she fucking kissed me!" Henry explained ruffling his own hair as iffinding it hard to be.ive himself... "Fuck off you want me to belive our tiny shy little Tinkerbell just waltzed right up to you and snogged you?" Joey through out in to the trailer letting the words linger. Henry nodded to him then looked to Freya who had been quiet. "There must be more to it then that?" She added wanting to here the whole story behind this one. "When we were in the woods things were great! Then bad then catastrophically bad; Which I'm still confused by how that happened? But the then I clawed it back, climbed out of a hole in put myself in somehow? Still not sure how and once we got back here she kissed me! Likei waswalking back to my trailer and she just called me running uptomesaid he liked me and beforeIcould doanything she kissed me..." freya and Joeylookedateach other quietly beforesquealing and bouncing on the spot clapping each others hands a s they did so. "OH MY GOD! Henry thats great! Was it on the lips? Did you smooh back?....Oh no...No no no what's with that face? For god sake tell me you put some sugar on her and snogged her back!?" Henry sighedrubbing the backof his neck as Freyas excitement drained from her words. She slammed her hands on the tableas joey head butted it grkaning shaking his head. "Henry please pleeeaaasssee tel, me you didnt throwher off!?" He added whining pitifully tAnd rose to face the now twitching darkhaired man. Henry sucked threw his teeth and took the joy with it. "Okay right, she was fast and I wasn't expecting it and I just froze!" They both deflated groaning smoothing their hair out of their faces. "No! No no no Henry nooo you don't- you didn't do that?! Henry please tell me you didn't?!" Joey brust out throwing his hands up in theair as freya shook her head just as exasperated as Joey. Henry held up his hands as if calming a wild beast. "Hang on! Hang on I started the whole thing! Okay just bear with me okay its a long story...I tried to ask her out...It seemed perfect okay? We were there by the little stream...Just me and her okay? Lauren and Tomasz were on the six foot ledge eyeing the setting...and wewereat the moon gate shewas letting the water cool her hands and i just...It seemed perfect" Freya nodded to him it did sound perfect and romantic, she tried not to swoon.

"I...er choked , I couldnt ask her out it...My nerves got the best of me...And she got upset, she looked like she was going to cry...I didnt understand and i just- i quickly calmed her down and admitted my feelings...she didnt say anything back though...I thoughs i'd ballsed it up but then she held my hand and wouldnt let go as we came back.." they both listened carfully to henrys as he explained it took a few moments for them to really take in al, he'd said but once it clicked they looked to each other and grinned Joey spoke fisrt. "Soo? You took our dear little Tink's out into the woods with and admitted you loved her? And then walked back hand in hand?" "And then when you got back she kissed you, but you like a prat didnt kiss her back?....But seriously was it on the lips?" Freya asked leaning her face on her palm eyeing Henry with a sly grin trying to get the details to relay to Tee and Anya no doubt. "No..No it wasnt I think she was aiming for my lips but she's short...and missed but It counts! And i was there grinning like an idiot when she pulled back but what do you expect! Shes fucking gorgeous and she kissed me! I almost had a heart attack when she did it-OH MY GOD IN A GOOD WAY IN A GOOD WAY!!" Henry explained makingnthe both of them laugh. "Okay and what happened in the bad bit in the middle?" Joey pried wanting to kmow the ins and outs. "I just...I fucked up okay I fucking bottled it! I complimented her and she...She sort of freaked out...W-well not freaked o she was all like you dont need to say that Mathew's not here and then I was like I know but I really like you but I waited to long to say it...Couldnt get the right words and I think she was expecting the worst" Freya leaned forward and shook her head. Henry sat down with a huff petting Kal who'd come over to comfort him. "When I choked...I panicked and Instead of asking her out I just said I was serious the otherday" he explained to them Joey held a hand up. "Wait wait wait. What other day? what did you say the other day?" He asked confused. Ah yes, Henry hadn't mentioned what happened the otherday. Shit. "I asked about her and Mathew and sort of pointed out he liked her...Well long story short she tried laughing off the idea of me and her ever making a go of it and I sort of..Well I said why not? And she was...She was shocked when I said that I could see us getting together-that I thought we'd be a perfect couple"Henry said stuttering he yeyed Freya and Joey cautiously as they bpth gapped and him Joey dropped his hand slapping the table. "How the fuck did you miss that out!?" Joey exclaimed Freya nodded wonder just when Henry had managed to keep that quite?. The man was so excited about anythingnthat included Tink's he gushed like a schoolgirl. "Well yeah...I err it crossed my mind...It's just...She seemed open to the idea! But then today I-she seemed upset when i couldnt get my act together...do you think I fucked up not Kissing her back? Like she did see that I was happy! So everythings fine right? " Joey eyed Freya asking her to take this one she was the girl, Joey could only guess so much afterall he was a man. Freya hummed she  could see Henry was really out of it this time he was so flustered. Freya looked on as he ran a hand through his hair he was at a loss. "Well, from where I'm sitting you made it clear you liked her and she held your hand and had a wonderful walk through the forest...Which is pretty romantic~ and she kissed you admitting she liked you back so I'd call that a win Henry, so what if you didn't get an official date but a walk in the woods counts!" She said cheering him up Henry noodded slowly a bright smile creeping across his face. Freya smiled to Joey and winked. Oh yes she was good at this, her and Joey were the fucking dream team!! "I hadn't thought of it like that..It was romantic overall and we both spoke more on the way back and he nabbed another walk in the woods which could be classed as a date? If you squinted." Joey slapped henry on the back smileing like a maniac. "Thats the spirit! You go get her tiger~" he said all three chuckled for a few breaths henry bit his lip looking down then quickly turned to Freya as she began speaking. "Yeah and for the record Henry...Tink's and I were speaking in the car today and she well just...Shes worried of reading the signals wrong...The woman is in love with you we can all see it! She's just shy and doesnt know how to go about it...I'm sure she wanted to ask you out but just couldnt!" "Exatly just like Freya says you are both as bad as each other~but she must really really like you if sheovercome her own shyness to kiss you...Just try to kiss her back next time...Or even instigate it yourself girls like a man who take charge just walk up to her look her in the eyes and give her a big old smooch! "Oh in front of Mathew!" Freya spoke upand Joey hi fived her agreeing gasping to Henry who was laughing out loud already. "YES! Snog her infront of Mathew!...Or like make out! Go the whole hog" joey added making henry roar up slapping his knee imagineig Mathews face when he first kissed Tink's in frontnof him...With any luck he wont have to wait long.

After an almost full night of fangirling the next morning after breakfast you found yourself outside in the shade sat on a soft blankets. You'd all sprawled out under the large tree on the edge of the woods trying to escape the heat, it was nine in the morning and the temperature was already twenty eight degrees. You huffed waiting untill ten to coss over to see your mum. Anya ,Freya and Joey all laid around on the blankets relaxing on your phones or in your case reading the new scripts you were handed this morning.The silence was broken by a high whine and Joey flopped back and huffed. "Its so fucking muggy! I feel gross already!" He cried out you all nodded grumbling but then after a few moments you spoke up. "Its not to bad today" you added eyeing Joey who scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Well its alright for some! you can go home and have a proper shower!" Anya nodded groaning along with Freya muttering somthing along the lines of a decent shower with proper water pressure. You could relate washing hair in these fucking trailer showers were a pain you thought yourself lucky to have short hair, fuck rinsing the long locks the girls had. "Look I'm just gonna pop to mums now...If you want to borrow the shower I don't think she'll mind Joey" you offered up, Joey rolled over to his front eyeing you cautiously as you unlocked your phone checking the time nine thirty five, she wouldn't mind if you went over early would she? You didnt think so...Not if you brought Joey, she loves Jaskier! "Really? She'd let me do that?" He asked grabbing the attention of everyone. You shrugged to him standing brushing yourself off. "Well yeah can't think of a reason she wouldn't,between me and you when she watched the first season she had a little soft spot for you so I'm sure if you asked nicely she would do anything for you she thinks your super sweet and adorable...She may demand a hug though" Joey got up locking his phone. "Really what about me?" You jumped and did a ridiculous side step as Henry crept up behind you out of nowhere. You flushed a bright red and giggled nervously...He smiled waitin for his answer and you swallowed quickly scrabbling for words..Preferably english and somehing that makes sense. "I-i  Err well she erm..She feels the same as the rest of the witcher fandom does" whew! 'Good girl you pulled thag out of your ass...Were things gonna be akward between you?.. it didnt feel akward... did it? Maybe no-No it wanst you were just skittish is all!' Henry shifted on his feet crossingnhis arms overnhis chest raisingnhis brow. Damn his beautiful biceps drawingnyou in like a moth to a flame. Your mouth became dry despite wantjngnto drool over him. He was dressed in his costume going fpr an small shoot nothing much just some horse whispeing scenes. "Oh?~ And whats that then?" You could have cursed him, didnt he know how hot he looked? How was you supposed to fucking concentrate when he was out here like a fucking witcher sized lickable snack...Damn you were thirsty more so now that you'd gotten away with kissing him last night. The temptation was just to great.'Be cool be cool be fucking cool!!! Nothing has changed, he is still the amazingly handsome fuckable snack he has always been....and He is your friendly neighborhood crush?? WHO FUCKING LIKES YOU BACK OH MY GOD?!?! HE ISN'T AVOIDING YOU!! YES YES YES GO GIRL WOOO YOU DIDNT FUCK UP!! THINGS WERE OKAY...Right now tone it down and answer the man- calmly like normal be cooool don't think about the kiss...The kiss that you stole...That was definetly the hottest kiss of your life and he didn't even do anything, god his skin was so hot and rugged and NO!...Right right cool as a cucumber-NOPE no long cylindrical objects today thank you very much!!...Well...Maybe later...Never say never~' Henry's lip twitched he could see you were stuck in your own thoughts probably godsmacked he was acting so casually, if only you knew he was loosing his shit inside quivering with the fear of things being awkward....But they didnt seem to be ad for that he was thankful. "Well she thinks th-that Geralt...Needs a good slap for how you treated muggin's here..." you said finally managing a fw breaths to in what you hoped helped you manage an even tone nodding to Joey. He looked away biting the inside of his lip growling softly clenching his fists. "..Fuck." he growled looking mildly concerned, you wiped your sweaty palms on your shorts taking his distraction as a moment to calm yourself and even your breathing you quickly spoke to Joey. "Joey go get your stuff quick and we can go visit mum" he nodded and left in the direction of his trailer. You eye'd henry and he seemed worried? Like he it was important to him that your mum liked him. You placed a hand on his tense bicep squeezing quickly. He looked to you golden eyes lighting up and he place his palm over yours in an attempte to keep it there. You flushed when he stepped forward casually letting your bodies lightly graze one another. You looked to Freya and Anya who were no help watching from the sidelines giggling between themselves, the words cute and adorable being thrown around. "I-if it's any constilation...She loved you as Superman...And man from uncle, she didn't want to watch it with me at first because she didn't like the tv series but in the end she was over the moon and got it on dvd that day incase Netflix ever deleted it...So I'm sure if you wanted a shower she'd let you" He quickly perked up standing taller squeezing your fingers lightly and sighing relaxing the worry on his face melted away. "So she does like me?! Oh good god thats a relief!" you didn't really understand why he'd got upset...It was almost as if he wanted to have impressed her. He looked over your head seein Joey return a small wash bag, towel and a bundle of folded clothes to change into. Henry patted your hand and released you letting you take a step back. "Well I will let you go, tell your mother I'm sorry I couldn't meet her today but I look forward to it soon..I best get back before they send a search party" you smiled cheekily, the look caught him off guard but he tilted his head ready to listen to what ever little comment you were about to make. "Yes Geralt You mustn't keep your little pony waitng~" you stated giggling as he rolled his eyes sighing as everyone laughed. He pointed at you as he walked back wards. "I'm warning you~ one of these days girl~" you thighs clentched and you almost whined. 'Fuck why was that so sexy?...Oh god why is he still teasing you? Is it worse today? It felt worse already!...I wonder if he'd call me that again if I asked...Like Henry that made me wet say it again!...Dont think about girl in the bedroom...dont ou-ah fuck he would definitely call you Iittle girl...and fuck me if he does I'm gonna fucking drench through like omg daddy pu-lease~"  you swear sometimes his whole misson in life is to fucking ruin your undewear and make you squee! You squinted at him as he smirked oh her thought he was getting away with it? Not today! "Oh I'm so scared Big boy, what you gonna do ask your little pony to run me over?" The others oooed as you stepped up for the first time playfully snapping back as the man. Henry faltered tiltjn his head slowly  in what could only be seen as 'Oh?...what was this? Tink's is trying to play?' He grinned devilishy and spoke loud and clear hands on his hips. Your body ceased and you rubbed tyour thighs together subtly as Henry stood tall and  began making more of an anouncement then a bit of banter. "Boy?! why you little?-Just you wait Tinks one day I'll show how much of a big boy I truly am, then you'll be singing a different tune I guarantee it~" he called out you gapped at him shrinking and flushing your tummy clentched and body shuddered as his shouted words carried across the open space of the car park. So much so that even the passing crew had looked over and had a chuckle 'Oh fuck me!? He had to go there HE JUST HAD TO DO IT!! He fucking went there sexy kissable lickable mother fucker...And thats a record-knickers destroyed before brunch...He is getting more efficient WHAT A DICK!.....yes what a dick indded~ How do I even respond to that?...There is no response to I'm gonna fuck you up with my MASSIVE DONG and mad you Sing...It not much of a threat either~FUCK NO DONT THINK ABOUT IT-BUT FUCK YES YOUD LOVE THE CHANCE, RIDE OR DIE BABY! WOO!' You flushed and growled trying to contain your embarrassment but there was no where you could put you face you just had to let this one go you bit your lip and turned away from him as he winked and turned back around...He knew he had won.

Henry 1 Tinks 0 Once Henry was out of sight the others stopped laughing and Anya spoke up first thankfully letting the whole Henry threatening to fuck you silly blow over. unlike Joey who was nudging and winking at you as if you say 'Get in there girl! You go get yourself some lovin~' you slapped at Joey's stomach and pointed at him making him wriggle his brows as Anya spoke. "So what about me? Think I could wrangle a shower?" You opened your mouth to speak but Freya quicklly pitched in. "Yeah me too!" You smiled at Freya and Anya and nodded to them both who grinned wide thankfull that they could finally have a real shower. "Of course you can we have two so one of you might have to wait but I'm sure she'll feed you in the mean time...Go get your stuff..." you all jumped when Joey through his head back with a victory cry! "Feed me? I'm getting a shower and food!? Oh my god your mother sounds like a saint!" He said sounding genuinely excited to get to your house.

It was no longer then ten mineuts before you had all crossed the field and entered the back garden passing the well manicured garden and veggie patch to the kitchen door. You didn't bother to knock instead walked right into the medium sized cottage kitchen. You ushered the other three in through the door and called out for your mum. "Mum!? I'm home!" You heard some mpvement and claws scratchingnon the floor the excited yippjng of Nemi your jums dachsund you crouched and opened your ar,s catching her as she flung herself at you wriggling and crying "Hey there Nemi baby~ oh my love? Look at you you little chunky pudding? how ae you sweety? Such a good girl~" you cuddled her and then placed her back down "Go! go find mummy got get her baby~" true to form she raced off into the house barking he head off. You smoled to the others seeing they had been cooingmover the small dog. Then your mum came through the door and swallowed you up in a hug. "Oh gosh y/n sweety!! Come here let me look at you?!" You flushed as she held you at arms lenght before reaching forward again squishing you tightly to herself. You winced at how tight she held you and tried wrigglin free. "Mum whoa okay...wow I missed you to hey come here let me introduce you...This is Joey, Anya and Freya, Sadly Henry had to go over a few shots and couldnt make it, he feels bad and said he cant wait to meet you" you mum quickly gave them each a hug..Joeys lasting a little longer then the girls, she was biased and couldn't help it. She pulled back and crossed to the kettle ready to make some tea. "Henry?" She called over her shoulder you sighed, you'd tried bot to gush ablut him to much...but she should knlw who he is by now..Especially since youd been crushing on him since forever! "Oh fuck Geralt he plays Geralt mum...The white haired one" she smiled wide nodding finally placing the character. "Oh now I gotcha well im sure I will see him soon. Anyway Its nice to meet all of you~ y/n has told me all about you!" She said you could see she was excited about having these famous people in her house and you couldnt blame her, you were to when you first met them all. It was sweet seeing her all giddy. "Good things we hope mrs l/n" Freya spoke up politely and your mum waved her off rolling her eyes as the young woman. "Oh god none of that call me Terry...Gosh you must be famished! That long trip down here nothing but nasty greasy take away food, and I doubt you ate well last night here sit I will whip somthing up!" She said getting ready to race arou d the kitchen and make some snacks. You stopped her before she became to hurricane you knew and loved. "Actually mum they were hopeing for a shower" you said and all three nodded sheepidhly each adding ther own pleases and 'if its not to much trouble' you mum widened her eyes and nodded. "Oh of course of course, how silly of me! I dread to think what those trailers are like! But ladies first in this house I'm afraid young man" Joey held up his hands and smiled. "That's no problem Terry I can wait" your mum smiled and quickly ushered him to sit down at the table and then started rustling through the cupboards for some biscuits. "Right well he looks safley occupide so we should be safe to leave him you guys follow me we have a bathroom upstairs and down" you said leading them through the kitchen to the hall.

It was ten mineuts later you found your mum in the living room watching Joey munching on a toastie haveing the time of his life with three tiny dachsund puppies? "Oh my god! mum? you didn't tell me Nemi had pups?!" You admonished quickly kneeling down to the floor cooing at them Joey smiled rolling the ball to you and they dutifully chased it yipping the whole time pouncing at one another. "Yes well it wasn't really planned... Harriots boy got her...He was only nine months old so we didn't think nothing of it....Then she got fat and here we are five pups" you stopped looking to her seriously placing a hand to catch the lighter of the three as they climbed up making a rather loud noise begging for attention. "Five but theres only three...Did the others you know?" You quickly glanced down to the pup in your lap tickling its tummy placating them. "Oh goodness no they have gone to their forever homes! The black female is a surprize and we are holding her here untill the little girls birthday at the end of the week and the males family are organizing travel from devon neither can drive they should be collecting him next week if not Euan said he will drop him off they seem like a nice couple recently retired and want a little pup to love and spoil" you smiled feeling better as your mum explained things, atleast they were all going to loving homes. "Aww their so sweet I wish I'd been here to see them born I bet they were so tiny~ is that a dapple?" You were interrupted by a squeal and turned seeing Freya standing at the door fresh in set of clothes looking relaxed. "Holy fuck puppies! Come come! Gimme! Come to aunty Freya! Oh look at that little pudding~ yes awoo to you to baby!" You laughed as Freya moved faster then you'd ever seen her move batting Joey away. "I left it on for you Joey go go! And I will take that!" She said snatching the black and tan pup from Joey and sitting down on the floor cooing and playing with the tiny dog.Your mum got up quickly heading to the kitchen and returned with two plates. "Yes shes a beauty isn't she?" You looked to the dog and smiled agreeing with your mum as she nodded to the colorful dapple puppy in your hands, she definitely was a pale beige grey with a mix of bright coffee and dark grey splotches. You rolled her over to her back tickling her chin and she quickly arched up closing her eyes enjoying the pamper. She would be a spoiled little madam that much was certain~ "I had her throughly checked out at the vets, apparently dapple's are more prone to problems but she is perfectly healthy and called a black tan brindle dapple...Cute huh?...Here you go dear eat up!" You watched as your mum handed Freya a plate with a toastie on it. "Its sweet, cherry pie filling" Freya smiled thanking her and quickly began nibbling it whilst playing with the pups who now licked at the sugar on her fingers. You leaned over the tiny dapple giggleing blowing a little puff of air on her tummy making her jump tilting her face at you yipping playfully trying to bite and paw at your hair. "She really is beautiful and her eyes their so blue...So gorgeous and cute~ get a decent amount for her I suppose" you moved to put her down sighing wishing you'd been here a litter of puppies must have been fun right? Playing with puppies all day? Why couldn't she have had pups in lockdown? "I would but...No shes a gift" your mum sighed watching as the small pup tried to wrangle your attention again. "Oh Really? Like for the fathers family?" Your mother smiled softly and leaned down scopping up the tiny pup, and she was tiny smaller then the other two she was the size of your mums cupped hands, the tiny girl whined softly then was quickly placed back in your lap. You cooed at her again making her jump up trying to give you kisses wriggling her little butt wagging her tail. You giggled leaning down to her as she yipped again then began nipping your nose. Your mum moved in kissing your head. "Happy late birthday sweet heart" you froze looking at her you could hear Freya gasp watching from the other side of the rug. "What? You can't be serious? Mum you can't give me a puppy" you asked but cuddled the tiny pup to your chest wanting to keep her so bad. But you couldn't accept...Could you? I mean Henry had Kal on set so? Doesn't that mean you can have a puppy in your trailer? "Oh I am...You looked after your father and I during that whole lockdown shitshow, sheilding just as carefully as us so you could take him to chemotherapy and do all our shopping and prescriptions...We missed your birthday so we decided this is our thanks...We know she's in good hands and you'll take good care of her...Besides now that your a big time actress you'll need a companion for on the road. Like your friend's doggy cow was it?" You laughed wiping at your eyes tears welling just overwhelmed with the idea of getting to keep the tiny dog. You shook your head at her believing kal was called cow. "Kal mum k-a-l you know...Like superman?" You mum clapped her hands and laughed out loud. "My god that makes more sense! I thought it was cow...Like you know 'Moo'...Your father and I couldn't figure it out~ Any way your puppy is eleven weeks old and vaccinated chipped-all using your details... We got her a bed and collar lead food ect for you to take so once you set off for london you can take her with you! Shes why we didn't tell you about Nemi it was a surprize" you looked down at your new puppy who was howling her little head off throwing a fit over the fact you stopped paying her attention you grinned at her and moved down kissing her little head , she jumped up pawing at your hair pulling and mouthing on it. "Oh I must warn you shes a bit of a singer...Needs to be center of attention and if she isnt she'll let you know about it!" You giggled she reminded you of Joey you smiled holding her up. Freya snorted "Now who does that sound like?~" Freya snorted and you chuckled "Who does what sound like?" You all looked up seeing Anya enter the room and smiled Freya was quick to hold up a puppy "Anya look! Puppies!" Anya grinned and quickly sat down taking one off Freya petting it cooing softly. "Oh my look how cute they are!? They are so tiny~ I need one to snuggle daily!" Freya smiled and nodded to you who was still quite emotional trying to think of a name for your cradled pup. "Well your in luck Terry gave that one to Tinks so we're gonna have one onset! For real to steal and snuggle" Anya smiled so that was what had you choked up. They watched as you looked up a grin on your face and held up your yapping puppy. "Anya here you go a cherry pie toastie~" you mum called out handing the second plate to her, she smiled greatfully and bagen eating face lighting up at the taste. Both women watched as you held your new found baby coddling her and playing completely awe inspired by the size of her. "Joey...Shes my baby joey! My little Jojoba~ my very own bard yesh you are oh thats right! Mummys gonna spoil you rotten yes I am my baby little sausage!" Your mum lifted a small blanket as Freya and Anya laughed out loud moving to put the two dogs back into the playpen still eating their snacks.Poor Joey. He was going to love this.

"Go go show her off but remember she cant go on the floor yet...Not that I imagine your going to put her down" you smiled and turned facing the door and bumped into Joey you grinned at him and held her up to his face as she started 'singing' as she wasn't being snuggled correctly. "Joey meet Joey! The best little singer in town" Joey stuttered and moved to pet the small pup then tilted around her looking at you shocked only just relising what youd said. "What the-is that one yours?" You smiled at him nodding proudly and pulled he rto your chest letting her snuggle in you your boobs rubbing her chin. "Uhuh! Mum gave me one! My Joey!" He smirked watching you fawn over her and chuckled. "Aw he's so cute....Right thats it I accept Tinks we now have a son! Its official I shall teach him-" you snorted and interrupted his dramatic announcement. "Her" he faltered and frowned tilting his head. "What?" he asked not sure he heard you correctly. "She's a girl Joey" you giggled and he shook his head baffled looking between you and the dog. "Then you cant call it Joey...Its a boys name....Call her Josie or Joyce" he offered alternatives which made you cackle this was pay back for the whole tumblr thing...And every other time he's embarrassed you and Henry...Oh yes revenge was sweet~ "Her name is Joey and thats final, you should be happy listen she makes a lot of noise, she sings just like her uncle Joey~ don't you like her singing?" You teased holding he out to him again making him wince at how high pitch the sound was you could hear Anya and Freya laughing at him from behind. "Shes got a set of lungs on her I'll give her that much" he said still wincing and patter her head in a hopes of shutting her up. "Well I think she had a perfect singing voice~ See shes singing for her mummy...Arent you princess oh come here my baby~" you said cradling her again completely in love with her already. "Well she is cute...When she isn't making all that racket" Anya scoffed trying to bite back a laugh and Freya smirked saying outloud what you were all thinking. "pfft could say the same for you...Definitely Joey" you all walked past him making your way outside. Your mum had conveniently packed Joeys puppy pack in a small box for Anya to carry and a slamm princess bed was tucked under Freyas arm...she stopped by Joey and thrust it into his arms. "Come on then you time to earn your keep~" he stuttered but sighed as he soon found himself lugging the box Anya was carrying to. "Joey~" you called trying to get her used to her name as you walked across the field. "Yes Tinks" Anya and Freya shared a look then bellowed a laugh and so it begins. Joey sighed but smiled secretly excited to have a little pup about he was definitely gonna steal her for cuddles.

[lilolilyr]

Tagged by @ongreenergrasses, thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Way over 300! Tho it feels like it's been at 300sth so long by now, it'll be weird to look at once it hits 400 :D

Btw, funny how this tag meme asks for so much stuff that can be looked up by just... looking at my Ao3... without asking for any commentary by me? Lol

Anyhow, rest under the readmore bc this is 20 questions and Long!

Personal post - do not reblog

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

995596 - just a few more ficlets or 1 longer fic, and I've got a Million! Hey, maybe I should try to write one with... 4404? (I'd need to ask a calculator xD) words exactly... not rly a hardship with how many drabble exercises (exact wordcounts, 100 is the most used, I also do 200, 500, longest was 10000 exactly lol) I've already done... we'll see!

Over 400k for this year alone, and over half of that is my actual writing (not translations etc), I'm so proud! Last year I only barely hit 200k and that included a lot of translating work

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  

Again, one could look this up in my works filtered - sorted by kudos? But all three of my incubus!jaskier witcher series are in it, part 2 of the series is highest with 1091 kudos, then a Venom halloween oneshot, and 'Belonging', a fluffy snake-crowley piece from my ineffable spouses series (yes, sth with under 1k words - 666 to be exact - is in the top 5... my poor longfics lol)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

...I try to? But atm I have 202 unanswered (and I always click 'mark read' on replies so these are all comments on my own fic) even tho I told myself I'd not let it get past 200, and now I'm doing a tag meme instead of replying to anything so ummmm

Edit: 203 unread now

But I do love love love all the comments I get! And while atm it's still semi-manageable, if it ever gets to the point where I really can't manage to reply to everyone cause it's too much, i'd rly take that as a compliment lol :D I'd still try to reply to the longer and/or more thought through comments tho :)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

*thinks* I have an MCD fic? But not only is that very much a case of ~posting a draft version that's barely in complete sentences insgead of taking the time to turn it into a real longfic~, I also just killed off the mlm couple I only semi care about and left the wlw couple with a happy/hopeful (rly don't remember) ending, so... hm idk whether that counts for angsty ending

Apart from that... I dunno, I just prefer my babies to be happy and fluffy? *.* i remember a mirror milippa in the mirrorverse one where in the end Michael is worried about lying to Philippa about her identity... there are some angsty TOG and Gomens ones but I think they end happy-ish (my memory is. Bad. but looking through my 'angst' tag I just saw a lot of h/c and 'angst with a happy ending')

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

They're all happy???!?

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Ahahahahahhahahaahaha

Check this out

I need you to know that all the works in that collection take part in the same universe (or rather, multiverse), and are alltogether just scratching the surface of my gigantic headcanon multiverse that I've been building in my mind since I was like 10

Actual crossovers other than that I don't remember writing

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeh but I only remember clicking 'delete comment', as it should be

Recently I've just gotten a bunch of 'you Need to continue this' and 'omg why isn't there more' or 'this shouldn't end' type comments, not hate, probably not meant maliciously, but So Annoying (maybe espesh bc I don't want to just hit delete on these, but I also don't want to pretend it's fine, but I also don't have the energy for a fight, and trying to explain why that behaviour is entitled and annoying and that I write what I want to write and nice comments should praise what I actually have written, and hoping that they understand and don't get mad is... hard.)

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Check out my rated E and rated M in my works

Mostly femslash lately, but I did also write other smut in the past

Most is a bit dominant/submissive play, but I do also like good fluffy smut with feelings! Best in combo, really :D

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not in the sense of pretending someone else wrote it (that i know of), but posted to other sites without my permission - writing 'don't repost to other sites' etc did Not help, they even copied those tags lol, so I just let it be, choosing my battles wisely etcetc, I'd prefer for my fic not to be cross-posted by others bc then I can't edit or otherwise influence the fic anymore and don't see everyone's reactions to it, but as long as it's not someone pretending they wrote it, I only semi care, not enough to fight it tbh

PSA: I Only post fics to Ao3 (and WIPs/prompt fills to tumblr&discord at times), if you see them somewhere else that's Not Me and you'd do me a favour by checking them out on ao3 and kudosing&commenting there instead :)

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yup, one to Russian a while back, a floreleine (Gunpowder Milkshake) one to Korean just today actually, and I translated a bunch to German myself

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I made a TOG fic together with @cinnamonplums, well mostly I wrote and she made the art :D

Trying to remember whether I ever actually co-wrote anything... don't think so?

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Don't make me choose!!!

Atm Milippa is OTP bc I'm busy writing them for @discoveryfemslashfortnight (this is not a post to reblog for the fortnight), but I'm also still rly into Floreleine, Bering&Wells and Andromaquynh and Andronilynh, and I read a lot of Mirandy lately

All-time favs I'm not rly active in atm but will always be dear to me are the ineffable spouses, clintcoulson, heistwives, gosh so many more I'll stop here tho xD

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Heistwives Kinda Job immediately comes to mind

I also rly want to finish at least one cohesive original-ish storyline for the lverse that I already linked for the crossover question above, but I just have so much backstory (it's been over 10 years!!!) and it's... hard...

And everything else that's still WIP and untouched for more than a few months will probably have the same fate lol

Also have a few that haven't even seen the light of day at all, most recent a Mirandy ~what if Andy had been pregnant when Miranda hired her and how would it change the entire storyline~ bit - I wrote it in bulletpoints in one go as quickly as I could, I know I had the finished product in my mind, I don't remember anything now and don't feel like going through the bulletpoints painstakenly filling in the blanks

15. What are your writing strengths?

Writing one-shots quickly in one go

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Forgetting everything about a fic if I leave it in a draft for a second too long

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

There are many ways to go about it, and I think they all work (depending on the fic and the length and relevance of the dialogue)

I tend to leave single sentences as is, and for longer and important sequences use cursive and 'they said in xylanguage'.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Hobbit apparently? I remember thinking that fic was so long lol, it's 3k

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Kat/Ana from Reef Break, they have Such Shippable Chemistry, and it would totally fit Kat's player personality to bang both siblings (she's canonically friends with benefits with Ana's half-brother)... but the ship has one (1!) fic on Ao3 *cries*

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

TOG Andromaquynh longfic In Your Stead has had the title since last year and probably for a while to come! I loved the story idea so much I really worked with several drafts and only! worked on that fic until it was finished so I wouldn't get distracted & forget about it, and the result was wonderful.

Tagging, if you want to do it, @sarah-fiers @purlturtle @cookie-sheet-toboggan @ussjellyfish @onaperduamedee @startrekgeorgiouery @rosalie-starfall @lonely-night @banashee @xvnot15 and everyone else who sees this

Questions to copy:

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?  4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? 6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? 7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written? 8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? 9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? 10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? 12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 13. What’s your all time favorite ship? 14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? 15. What are your writing strengths? 16. What are your writing weaknesses? 17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? 18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? 19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? 20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

[the-finch-address]

Tag: Word Find

Tagged by @sharraus! Thank you!!

tHO isn’t at the stage where I can find half of these words in a comprehensible state since most of it is Draft 1 gibberish. So instead I’m using the opportunity to write something new for each prompt; some being canon from the book and others just standing as an excuse to write the characters interacting. Bc of this the length got a bit......Out Of Hand. Sorry about that. Putting it all under the read more so I don’t bombard anyone’s dashboard

> Prompt: Work [Note; This occurs years before the plot begins]

Vestiel ran his fingers through the grass and picked at early yellow blooms. The harsh clang of metal against wood echoed around him, the sounds of the forest easily lost behind it.

“Can we go home soon?” he whined, “I’m so hungry I could eat a bear.” His bottom lip is brought between his teeth, and he waits. Clang. Clang. Clang. “Please?”

The axe stills. Andi turns, wiping the sweat from his brow while fitting Vestiel with a look. Magpies trill in the wake of his silence, the flutter of fallen leaves following the breeze. Andi straightens his back. “Silas won’t have finished dinner yet, lad, the sun’s still well up the sky.” He answers, looking annoyed, “We’ve plenty of light to finish this up first. Fill the baskets if you’re so restless.”

He reaches for the axe again. The disappointment must have shown on Vestiel’s face, though, since the tool remains lodged, and Andi continues to look distracted. He knew the boy was too young to understand how important this work was, how it kept them warm and fed. He couldn’t blame a child for prioritizing an empty stomach over harsh and thankless labor. Still, that morning’s storm had downed too many trees to not take advantage of. It had to be done.

“Tell you what,” Andi resigns himself, a weary smile lifting his eyes, “I’ll let you do a few strokes, but Vestiel-”

The boy is already up and on his feet, dandelions forgotten in the sunken spots of grass where his legs had crossed, “You mean it?” He brightens, “I can do it all by myself?”

“Listen to me,” Andi lifts a hand, demanding attention, while the other remains on the hilt, “you’ll start with the axe wedged in and bring them down together-” he offers a stern look, “--and I don’t want to hear any complaints. This is your first time, I don’t want you lopping off a toe or, North forbid, a whole foot. You need a feel for the tool before you do anything else.”

Vestiel acknowledges this with a hasty nod, the muttered agreement of “Yeah, yeah, sure” crossing his lips, hand already reaching for the axe.

Andi comes between him with a harsher expression than before, eyebrows raised expectantly. Vestiel lets out a sigh.

“The axe will start in the wood. Got it.” The impatience hasn’t fully left his tone, but it’s an improvement, and Andi appears content by it.

The wood is already a narrowed size when the axe is driven through its flesh. The blade settles halfway down the block and wedges itself firmly along the grain with little resistance, just on the edge of splitting. He brings it to Vestiel, who takes the closer end of the block with his left hand and the hilt with his right.

“Now, you’ll want to bring it down towards the back of the splitting block,” Andi starts, “Make sure you do so with both hands together, or you’ll only-”

Clang. Vestiel opens his eyes, already knowing that Andi is going to ring his neck for having closed them in the first place. All is forgotten at the sight of the severed wood, though, and he can’t help but be excited with the results. It isn’t perfect by any means, but it’s his, and he’s no less proud of it despite his brother's hand-holding. He looks to Andi in hopes of praise.

“Mother’s grief, Vestiel, have some patience!” Is the chastised response he receives instead. “You couldn’t have at least waited for me to finish?”

Vestiel makes a sour face. “I did it fine, didn’t I?” He retorts, “Isn’t that good enough?”

Andi raises a hand, pinching the bridge of his nose, a long and tired breath escaping him. After a minute of patience himself he’s able to give Vestiel the reaction he was looking for. A smile, small but proud. “It’s not bad for your first time,” he says, “but you’re going to need more practice, and patience, than that if you want to hack apart whole trees in a few years.”

He extends a hand to bring Vestiel near, pulling him snug against his side. “You did well.” Andi continues, “but, lad,” his voice lowers to a stern whisper, and

Vestiel pales, “If I ever see your eyes closed with an axe in hand again, you’ll sweep the whole corridor. Twice.”

He swallows harshly and answers only with a nod. The pride blooming in his chest doesn't falter.

> Prompt: Weather

The evening sky flashes white, casting shadows across paintings framed in gold and goblets of silver. Across the room, Caprice of the North hunches over a desk painted in candlelight. He draws a finger across the map in study of its various routes and borders, frowning. Behind him, thunder crashes down. He flinches. Pitiful.

Shaking away the thought, the young deliverer refocuses. His back arches further towards the desk until braided locks of gold spill over onto the wood. Especially now, as he squints in the darkness of his shadow, does he wish this dreaded storm had chosen another night. It brought a miserable chill to his bones despite the grizzly pelt draping heavily over his shoulders and brought an ache to his bones.

Lightning comes again, its brilliant light cutting into the room with the swiftness of a sword’s blow. Capri anticipates it this time. When thunder claps against his window he’s decisively ready for it, his knuckles gone white against clenching fists. He can’t stop their trembling no matter how tightly he’s squeezing.

A knock at the door sends him out of his skin.

Like a sharp wound, the anticipation drives him into a panic. Young flesh grasps aimlessly for a new frame to stretch into, finding nothing but mortal bones. By the time the door swings open he is straightened, remembering a human form, begging the drum within his heart to settle.

Silence greets him. A form approaches from the doorway and draws towards the light, illuminating their features quick enough that Caprice’s hand stills where it rested on the hilt of his sword.

“Dove?” He relaxes and lets himself breathe, forcing air into his lungs with more effort than is needed. “I thought you were with Eivind."

“He was needed elsewhere,” Dove signs. His hands portrayed a sense of disappointment where one couldn’t be seen in his expression, brown eyes seeming indifferent.

Caprice looks away shamefully, “You didn’t have to come,” he says.

“I wanted to.”

His gaze again lifts to meet the other with only a grunt, reluctant to answer in words for fear that his voice might betray him.

Light consumes the room with blinding force and concurrently Caprice’s hand reaches blindly for the edge of the desk to ground himself. It’s silly, he thinks, ruined pride staining his cheeks red. Internally he’s counting the seconds as they go by, steeling himself.

Dove reaches for him--

Capri recoils just as thunder cracks and booms overhead. The approach was too quick, well-meaning as it may have been. Dove understands the reaction. He reads Caprice as well as the noble reads his sign.

The thrashing of rain fills the aching silence and neither of them dares interrupt it. Seconds pass by without distraction until Dove again extends his hand forward. He moves slower than he has to under the young emperor’s weary gaze as though addressing a wounded animal.

When Caprice notices it’s not without backlash. His eyes turn hard, looking fussed. His nails dig into the wood beneath them until angry lines form on the underside of the desk and pain shoots up his fingers.

Dove’s palm settles over his hand, squeezing.

He flinches but can’t bring himself to shake the man away. The silence between them stretches on unbearably after, broken only by the rain. He releases the desk and turns his palm face up, intertwining their fingers wearily. “Thank you.” He whispers.

When the thunder comes this time, he doesn’t flinch.

Prompt: Help

Vestiel’s heartbeat thuds like thunder roaring inside his ears. He stares with too much intent at the earth beneath his worn shoes, doing his best to concentrate on the hole boring over the space near his toes.

Much to his dismay, Fannar-Haise appears to notice.

She carries herself past the snow huts and politely cuts through the crowd, stepping lightly around the fire and between celebrants, their songs alight with a different kind of flame.

Vestiel can’t hear them past his own thoughts. Get out, get out, get out. He forces some semblance of greeting out as she approaches but can’t manage to look her in the eyes. It’s hard most days, but especially now.

“Enjoying the party?” She asks, making no mention of the answer being pretty obvious. The smile on her lips is pitying, judgemental at worst, he just knows it. He can’t bear to lift his chin and see. If Andi were here he could explain himself easily but, as it was, he was going into this situation alone. Completely, utterly alone.

“Yeah,” he lies, “just tired from all the traveling.”

It’s a witless excuse and she knows it. Instead of pointing it out, though, she only offers a shake of her head. There’s a lot to say about communication and Fannar-Haise considers herself an expert on the subject. She watches him fumble about; the trouble in getting his tongue to do its job sticking out to her as sorely as the restless, rhythmic tap of his hand against his hip and the blatant avoidance of eye contact. It answered her question more than his words could, and that was okay.

“You’re overwhelmed,” she nods to herself this time, having seemingly come to a conclusion all on her own, “Let me help. You don’t have to answer with words, a nod will do just fine. Can you walk?”

Vestiel squints at the sole of his shoes, looking confused, then apprehensive, “I’m-”

Silence. No matter how hard he pries, not a single word comes loose from his tongue. The thoughts are there and plentiful, excuses and apologies, maybe something more, fastened tightly like honey coating his throat and hidden away between his ribcage, leaving him breathless and useless.

His chin tilts upward, lips parting, but he can’t manage it. Instead, he allows himself the nod she had been looking for.

“Good. That’s good. We’re going to go somewhere quiet and after that you can tell me what you want to do. Can I touch your hand?”

She patiently waits for the resulting, albeit cautious nod, and takes his hand within her own.

She guides him past the bustling scene like this. As they reach a distance where the noise has muffled he finds it in himself to speak again. It’s slow, at first, allowing his mind time to find the right words. “How did you know?”

Calmly she turns her gaze from the sky, not looking directly at him but rather just past where he stands. There isn’t a soul there when Vestiel follows her gaze over his shoulder, but he’d only half expected one. Andi had learned with time not to stare too long; something told him Haise was just as quick of a learner.

“Call it a hunch,” she hums, “I’ve experienced my fair share of things, Vestiel. This isn’t new or strange, it’s just you.” She pauses to face him, eyes still averted. He returns the favor and looks at her nose like it’s his only salvation, seconded only by the sight of his snow hut in the distance and the soft murmur becoming of the crowd ever fading behind them.

“Besides,” she continues, “these celebrations aren’t a requirement by any standard. They’re here to bring happiness. If something causes you to be unhappy you have no obligation to stay. If you need to step away, I will understand. We will always understand.”

Vestiel doesn’t know what to say when they reach the entrance. Despite her words, he can’t help but feel a wave of guilt wash over him for having both left the celebration early-- a celebration of his arrival, no less--and now, leaving their leader at the door.

She picks up on this, too.

“I’m going to head back to the others for a while longer. You can join us if you’re feeling up to it, or you can stay here and get some rest. Don’t overthink it, okay?”

Her warmth is everything to him, more grounding than a hole in his shoe could ever be. He wants her to know, wants to find the right words to explain how much her actions mean to him, but there isn’t an easy way to go about it without making a greater fool of himself. He answers with a weak smile and a simple, “Okay”, the best he can offer in way of thanks.

She matches his smile and bids him goodnight.

Prompt: Hope

The scent of leather tanning above flame clings to his nostrils. It fills him with a sense of despair unlike any other, weighing different from the miserable few weeks he’d spent mourning Andi, even. Putrid, a nauseating sort of agony like snakes writhing and tearing at his stomach. Burning. Burning. Burning.

The forest was ablaze. That was all he could possibly know, here in the dark. Shadows drove past him in a stampede of bodies carving through the night, survived only by a name and footprints worn into the poaching grounds.

He scares awake. Stars wink faintly above him, hidden behind the morning sun.

“Bad dream?”

Tupelo’s voice startles him a second time from where he lay, their trek up the hill all but forgotten until that point.

Vestiel slowly drags himself into a sitting position with a grunt of effort. Sweat collects at his jaw, cold against his cheeks. He licks his lips and tastes salt.

“A fire, just to the north of here-- tonight maybe--the forest, the people-”

Tupelo tends to the campfire, looking drained. It was suddenly apparent neither of them had slept well. “The forest?” they ask with a shake of their head, “Not to the north, yet.”

“Yet?”

Vestiel draws his shirt away and uses the

bottom corner to dry his face. Goosebumps still clinging to his arms, the memory remaining like a fresh wound.

“You don’t have to believe me,” he says, “I can’t explain it to you and if I do, you’ll just think I’ve gone strange. I’m only asking that you take me north of here.”

He reaches for the map tucked inside his rucksack, spilling a few more items in the process, “It shouldn’t be too far off from where we’re going already. I’ll show you.”

Tupelo is quick to rest their hand against his wrist with a sympathetic, albeit calm look on their face. “We’ll go.” They assure him, pointing to the north. “If it’s important.”

_________________________________

It quickly becomes evident that Tupelo is just as ill-equipped for this kind of travel as Vestiel. For as nimble as they are the hill obviously called for a different kind of strength. The original path would have taken them up and around, but this new direction was a straight shot to the north, uphill for the better half of it.

Tupelo watches Vestiel out of the corner of their eye, checking up on him every now and then as though waiting for Vestiel to change his mind, or hoping he’ll get around to it if they climb for long enough.

However, Vestiel remains steadfast in the endeavor, eyes locked on the horizon. He’s certain of what he saw, having learned to trust the dreams long ago, and he had no plans to stop now. The smell of burning flesh still lingered undeniably.

“We’re almost there.” Tupelo breaks the silence.

“Finally,” he gasps, “I don’t think my legs can go on for much longer.”

He can feel it already. The weight of the earth shifting beneath his feet, a familiar pressure that seeps into his bones, pungent smoldering inside his nostrils once more. “It’s right over here,” he drags himself the last few feet to the summit, “It’s-”

Dead. Every tree, every blade of grass, the entire opposite face of the hill lie dusty and black, an empty expanse of burnt trunks where the forest should have been.

Tupelo comes up beside him.

“What happened here?” Vestiel gasps in disbelief, “I was sure-- my dreams have never lied, not once before. Were we too late?”

“Your soul tells stories, not prophecies.” Tupelo answers, “Father told me you can hear them.”

“Them?”

“The spirits,” they gesture to the barren woods, “they speak because they know you will listen. Come.”

Vestiel follows their lead. Dry grass crunches underfoot as they descend the hill. Patches of green pop up here and there, but aren't constant and don’t compare to the full weight of the forest that should have been in its stead. It’s a sight he feels the need to grieve over as though his own soul were tied to the scorched land. The thought scares him.

Tupelo steps ahead and crouches to their knees, hands smoothing over a ring of stones that would have gone unseen had they not brought attention to it. Wordlessly, they pull the canteen from its strap and let the remainder of its water drip out.

Vestiel inches closer now. He kneels beside the other, “What is it?”

Tupelo sits back on their heels, palms opening to show a young sapling, green and healthy, standing tall, small as it may be. It rests in a forgotten graveyard.

“A tree?” Vestiel reaches for it and thumbs carefully along the juvenile bark. “What is one tree to an empty field?”

Tupelo cradles the sapling fondly. “Hope.”

_________________________________

I'm tagging @faenova @squid-scribe @zmlorenz @ashen-crest @henrike-does-writing-sometimes and @sharraus (can I tag the tagger? I'm doing it anyway)

Your words are Drenched, Gather, Cradle, and Howl

[wintaejk]

What Do You Dream About? | jjk

When ___’s brother comes to her asking for help, she has no other choice than to take his place as a member of the biggest gang in the city, B.A.F. However, this is when BTS, another cartel, arrives in town that ___ has for mission to keep company to Jeon Jungkook, the leader of the gang. But BTS is only there for a few days, and ___ realizes soon enough that she only has a night to enjoy Jungkook’s company. Or that she thinks, at least.

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

Genre: Mafia au | Strangers to Lovers | Fluff | Smut

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 9.8k

Warnings: Smut, oral (f receiving), fingering, language, English is not my first language so if some sentences are weird it’s probably the reason (sorry about that lol)

A/N: I’ve already posted that OS but with another fanbase. However, I took it off from tumblr because I am not longer reading about the group (I still love you my babies tho), and I wanted to modify it a bit before posting it here. So this is my first ever English work, I hope you will enjoy it! 

“You must be kidding me!”

It was the first and only thing you could say at the very moment. But as you looked at Yohan, your younger brother, you could tell he wasn’t kidding. Not at all, actually. “How did that happen?” You weren’t sure you wanted to know, to be honest, but you still had to ask.

“I was just… bored, I guess.” You’ve never been a violent kind of person, but at that very moment, all you wanted to do was to slap him. Hard. “You were bored? Jesus, Yohan! When people are bored, they read a book or watch television. They do not get enrolled in a gang.”

And now he was in deep shit. Asking for your help. But how could you ever say no to him, your little brother, the apple of your eyes.

“What gang?” You finally asked. Just thinking about the possibility of dealing with all those criminals was making you shiver. But you had no other choice. “B.A.F.” Yohan muttered.

B.A.F. was an acronym for Brave and Free. It wasn’t the biggest gang in the country, but it was the most important one in your city, the one controlling it. You could understand Yohan didn’t know how to deal with the situation, because you had no clue yourself. “I’ll deal with it.” You yet told him. You didn’t know how, but you knew you would find a way out.

It appeared that it wasn’t hard to find the B.A.F’s headquarters. What was hard though, was to manage to talk to someone who could – who would accept to be more precise – to listen to your offer. It took you almost thirty minutes and a lot of flirting to convince the guard to let you in. Not to mention the good amount of money you had to provide. What he didn’t need to know was that it didn’t matter for you: you could have offered him way more since your father always made sure your bank account was full enough.

“The girl ‘ere wan’ed to talk to ya, boss.” The huge amount of muscles said to a middle-aged man who looked at you curiously. “And what’s the girl’s name?” If you didn’t know already that he was the leader of the gang, you would have immediately guessed. He wasn’t only dressed in fancy clothes. All in him yelled power and respect, from his demeanor to his perfectly styled hair.

“____.” Your voice wasn’t as confident as you would have wanted it to be, but you still managed to control it enough not to be shaky. You also took advantage of the silence to add quickly your last name after a few seconds.

That’s when you decided to take a look at what was around you. The room was simple, and you noticed the guard from the entrance had already left. But you immediately realized that you weren’t alone. Other gang members were attending this meeting, and you almost let a gasp of surprise when you recognized Kim Taehyung in the lot.

Taehyung was studying at the same university as you. He was a tall, beautiful, young man. He belonged to the kind of men that were almost impossible to ignore when passing them in the corridors. However, as much as you knew who he was, you were almost 100% sure he didn’t know you in return. And it was maybe better that way.

“Well, ___… Why such a pleasant surprise?” The leader got your attention back, a malicious smirk on the corner of his lips. You sighed lightly, mostly to gather your courage. “I’m Yohan’s sister. I- I would like to make a deal.” He didn’t ask anything. Or at least not verbally. Because the eyebrow he raised clearly showed you he wanted you to keep going.

“I would like you to let him go. To free him.” Bursts of laughter weren’t the reaction you were expecting. And it didn’t make you feel confident. Not a bit. “You must be very brave to come ask us such a thing, doll. Or very stupid.” At that moment, you started to think that you made a mistake by coming here. You started to think you were digging your own grave by trying to deal with these men.

“Fine. I’m all ears. What do you have to offer me?” You gulped. You knew with the look on his face, with the glint in his eyes that you’ll have to offer him more than what you had expected in the first place to manage to have what you wanted. “I can give you a lot of money. My father-” But he cut you before you could even finish your sentence.

“I don’t care about your money, doll. I am nothing like the pathetic guard you just bought with you daddy’s money. I have myself all the money I want. All the money I need. So I repeat my question: what do you have to offer me?” His tone was harsh and clear. If you wanted to stay alive, you would have to propose him more. Something that he would never be able to buy by himself.

I looked at Taehyung, the only person you knew here, as if he was going to help you. To save you. But it was obviously vain. So you said the first thing that came to your mind. The stupidest thing that crossed your mind, to be precise.

“I want to make an exchange.” You saw immediately his facial expression changing. He was interested. “My brother in exchange of me.”

You heard some more laughs in the room, but none of them came from the mouth of the man in front of you. “And what made you think we would want you instead of your brother, doll?” It wasn’t the leader who talked, but a man you had never seen before on your left.

Even though the question didn’t come from the most important man of the room, you still understood that an answer was required. Because yes, why you and not Yohan after all? “You have plenty of men under your orders. More than you probably even need. But women ready to sell their lives forever? Something tells me that you won’t receive that kind of proposition every other day.”

And just like that, with a few words, you sold your soul to the devil himself.

“I think we have a deal, ___.”

Fortunately, your role in the gang wasn’t important. It was always about distracting men while other members stole things from them or delivering some shit you didn’t know about. In other words, nobody ever asked you to complete important missions. Or at least, it had not happened yet.

“BTS are in town.” Taehyung told you one day. It was him who inherited the task of supervising you. And let’s say immediately that he wasn’t very keen about it when he learnt it.

“And I should be excited because…” You were walking next to each other through the dense crowd of the university. However, no matter how full the corridors were, Taehyung was doing a good job at cleaning the way, he always had. “Not excited, ___. But it’s a big deal for the gang. The boss has been wanting to collaborate with them for so long. It’s a huge opportunity.”

A huge opportunity that led you to get asked to accomplish a mission way more important than the one that had been attributed to you in the past. And little did you know that mission was going to change the rest of your life forever.

“So all you have to do is serve him and his closest members all night long.” Taehyung explained you for maybe the tenth time that day. “And what does ‘serve him’ mean, exactly?”

“You know, the usual shit. Taking his orders, bringing him drinks. Bending over so he has a full sight of your ass.”

The member that has slowly started to become your friend these past weeks left you alone after that explanation and walked through the people that were dancing and drinking in the party the leader of your gang organized. Taehyung turned around after realizing you were not following him, and that’s when you saw it in his eyes. Was it pity or sadness? No matter what it was, he was still waiting for you to lead you to your mission: play the waitress – a generic word that had a different meaning for your boss than it had for you – with the leader of BTS. You already knew it was going to be a long night.

“Mr. Jeon, let me introduce you to ___. She will be at your service for the rest of the night. You can ask her anything and everything you want, and she will make it her personal pleasure to satisfy your needs.” Taehyung said to a group of men sitting in a comfortable couch. Once again, it wasn’t difficult to determine who was the leader among all the members. What surprised you though was his age: he couldn’t be much older than you were.

But then you realized what Taehyung just stated. And especially what he was implying. “Not anything and everything, actually. I’m a waitress, not a prostitute.” You clarified loudly, earning a gaze from Taehyung next to you.

“___…” The tall man warned. But you didn’t care. If he thought you were going to have anything close to sex with the leader of BTS, he was wrong. Terribly wrong. You were not a slut.

You were going to protest once more, but the man in front of you interrupted your confrontation before you could even open your mouth. “You can leave now, Taehyung.” And so did he, without even looking twice at you.

You looked at the man with raven hair still sitting in the couch and gulped. Saying you were not intimidated would have been a lie, but you still managed to warn him. “I won’t have sex with you.” Which made him laugh. A warm and honest laugh. “I know, doll.”

What was with gang leaders and calling girls doll?

“If I can be honest, you’re a very pretty girl. Almost like a doll. Maybe that’s why you earned that name.” You almost slapped yourself in the face when you realized you spoke your thoughts out loud and he heard it. God was probably punishing you for something you couldn’t even remember.

He laughed when he noticed how your cheeks became a deep shade of red, even though there wasn’t much light for him to notice. And again this warm laugh that surprisingly made you want to trust him when you probably shouldn’t feel that way.

The night wasn’t as long as you had expected it to be. Jungkook – that’s how he asked you to call him – wasn’t very demanding. Only a drink now and then. And smiles, a lot of beautiful smiles that would have fooled you on the innocence of the owner if you didn’t know what was hidden behind this endearing behavior. Yet, the man knew he was handsome, and he was taking advantage of it.

But more than anything else, Jungkook surprised you when, halfway through the party, he got up and walked towards you. “This party is boring.” He stated, and you bit your lower lip to hide the smile that was menacing to spread on your face. He was right, but you couldn’t agree with him, in case indiscreet ears had been listening all along.

“Would you do me a favor?” He hiccupped right after saying this, and you had to prevent another smile. “Would you take me home? I drank way too much to drive by myself, and the other members are kinda busy.” They were indeed occupied with girls who were offering them lap dances. A usual for those parties. You glanced back at Jungkook who was now presenting his keys to you.

You bit your lips, trying to think about the best decision to take. You weren’t exactly naive. You knew it could be a way to attract you into his house. But on the other hand, he drank too much to be able to drive his car.

“How can I be sure it’s not a trap? Why would I trust you?” His eyes glinted for a second while looking at you. But he shook his head and answered you, the glint disappearing as quickly as it appeared. “Why wouldn’t you? Did I do anything that would make you doubt me?” He was bold and you were speechless. “I promise I won’t force you to do anything with me, ___.”

You knew that a promise from a leader of a gang didn’t mean shit. But you still grabbed his keys to take him home. At that moment, you didn’t think about how you were going to get home. You didn’t think about the fact you didn’t tell Taehyung you were leaving. You didn’t think about the fact he was a gang leader. You were only thinking about how he already got you under his spell. How dangerously appealing a man like him was. And it was terrifying you.

His house was fucking huge. And that was probably the first thing you said when you both entered his living room. “It’s not really my house. I’m just renting it.”

But it didn’t matter. It was still huge, and you were used to enormous spaces.

“Want something to drink?” Jungkook questioned while moving towards a cabinet where alcohol was probably waiting to be drunk. “Just water, please.” You didn’t want to lose any bit of your ability to make reflected decisions. Not with him around you. Not when you already felt inebriated just by being around him.

“Here, your just water.” He gave you a fancy glass that was probably made in some fancy material like crystal. One more thing that proved Jungkook was probably richer than the Queen of England herself.

“I’m very curious about how you ended up in that gang.” The leader told me after looking at you intently for a moment. “What make you think that I haven’t been a part of this world my whole life?”

Jungkook did not become the leader of the biggest gang by simple luck. It was position that required self-discipline, composure, responsibilities and also a big sense of observation. And analyzing the environment in which he was growing was a talent particularly developed by the leader. “Your manners. And the respect you have towards the others. Towards yourself.” It sounded like a compliment. At least, you decided it was one, especially when you considered how it sounded in his mouth. Like something honorable.

“Just had to make a deal to get my younger brother out of this.” He didn’t answer right away and just looked at you a little bit longer.” So you sacrificed yourself?” You just nodded because, honestly, you never thought about it that way until now. You just wanted Yohan to be happy and live the life he always dreamt about, no matter if you had to abandon your owns dreams in the meantime. “Loyalty is highly appreciated by people like me. What kind of leader would refuse such a deal? Especially when the deal look like that.”

“What do you mean?” You searched the man’s eyes in the mid-light, mid-darkness of the living room and you weren’t disappointed by what you found in them. A pure glint of mischief and amusement. “I meant, who would say no to have a literal walking goddess among their gang members?”

You would lie if you said you didn’t blush because of his comment. Jungkook was a handsome man after all. But you decided to play along, hoping he didn’t notice your actual, flustered state. “So this is it. Your best cheesy pick-up line?”

His next move took you by surprise. He walked towards you, like a predator. And you were clearly his prey. Once he stopped two inches away from you, he captured a strand of your hair between his forefinger and his thumb. You were completely at his mercy, caught in between the want of pressing your body to feel more, to have more of him and the need of taking a step back in fear of ending in a dangerous situation you wouldn’t have the strength to stop. But no matter the risks, he could have done anything to you and you wouldn’t have emitted a single protest. “I totally can do way better, but I’m not sure your heart could handle it.”

You were now as red as a tomato. Everything about him and the way he acted was flustering you. His proximity. His breath brushing against your skin. The way he pronounced every single word delicately. His scent – holy shit, if he didn’t smell like heaven... He was slightly driving you crazy.

But he suddenly took a step backwards and you breathed deeply, feeling free of your movements, of your thoughts once again. “I thought you said you wouldn’t try to seduce me, Jungkook.”

Your pitiful attempt to save what was left of your self-control faded away the moment your host answered you. “I never promised I wouldn’t try to seduce you, doll. I said that I wouldn’t force you to do anything you didn’t want to.”

And maybe you were naïve, maybe it was stupid to feel that way, but you trusted him. Because at this moment, you really wanted to be there with him. And you were prepared to continue this dance you had with him that was slowly inflaming all your organs, but Jungkook chose this moment to change his strategy.

“Tell me more about you, ___.” This man knew how to keep you on your toes. In all ways possible. “What do you wanna know?”

Jungkook now had made himself something that was probably a strong whisky and was sipping from his glass, not even bothered by the strong taste of it. He was looking like if he was thinking about what he really wanted to know about you. And finally, he seemed to be decided. He pushed his glass away from his mouth and smiled to you. He had a terribly nice smile.

“What do you dream about, pretty girl? I want to know everything about your craziest dreams.”

You weren’t even startled, this time. You were blown away. He was unpredictable. And you were speechless because you never really thought about what you really wanted in life. “I don’t know. I guess I just want to be happy.” You shrugged. It was probably the lamest answer you could have given him. But that was the only one you had in mind at that very moment. Yet you didn’t want to look at his face to discover how bored and disappointed he was by you. So you changed quickly the perspective of the conversation. “What about you, Jungkook?”

Plus, in all honesty, he was unreadable, and you wanted to know more than anything about him as well.

“I don’t know if I can trust you enough for that, love.” Again, one of his pet names. But it was his statement that got your attention the most and made you quirk an eyebrow. “For what I know, you could be gathering information about me for your gang leader. It wouldn’t be the first time a lovely, good-looking girl would try to seduce me in order to ruin me better later.”

Multiple emotions immediately overwhelmed you after his explanation. The first one was astonishment. You weren’t expecting that at all. But it didn’t last for a long time, because right after you felt genuinely upset. How could he even imagine you would play him like that?! But as he told you, he was the leader of BTS – one of the biggest cartels of the country – and he was used to and expected that kind of behavior. From everywhere and everyone. So you couldn’t blame him for being careful. You could even feel your anger slowly fading away to be replaced by something that looked terribly like a mix of empathy and pity. You wouldn’t want to live like that, analyzing every act of every person you hung out with.

You didn’t want Jungkook to know every thought that crossed your mind during this long minute, even though you were almost sure he could read you like an open book. So you just replied with the first thing that went through your head at that moment. “Am I doing a good job though? At seducing you?”

And then you realized. If you wanted him to trust you – and you didn’t even know why you had that want in the first place –, it was the last thing you should have said after his revelation.

You were afraid you already messed up every chance you had of him to open up to you. But you still tried a last thing and got closer to him. Almost as close as he was minutes ago.

“I promise the last thing I want is to ruin you, Jungkook.” It was just a whisper, but you knew the beautiful man had heard it. You were eye to eye, now. You couldn’t be more sincere. And once again, he lifted his hand towards your face, but to stroke your cheek this time. “You’re doing such a good job, love.”

You bit your lower lip, understanding he was referring to your previous question. His hand was still on your cheek, warming your skin. The sensation was beyond pleasant, but you were too close. You definitely were going to get burnt if you stayed there longer. So you pulled away, making sure to keep a safe distance between your bodies.

“Are you trusting me enough to answer my question, now?” You knew it was a bold move, considering your position. You knew he was a gang leader. And you knew you could get in trouble for being insolent like you were. But he made you feel so comfortable you couldn’t help yourself.

“I have everything I’ve ever desired, love. All my dreams became true a long time ago.” He broke the silence after some time of thinking. However, something in the way he said it weren’t right, making you frown. “I don’t believe you. Everybody has a dream.”

“I’m not everybody.” It was his turn to shrug, and you understood you just shouldn’t push it. So you let it go… for now.

You preferred asking him another questions. A lot of questions, in fact. And he asked you many questions in return. The more you talked, the more you felt comfortable around him. And you talked for a very long time. Until an advanced hour of the night – or the morning, you should say. And you secretly hoped he was as charmed by you as you were by him.

“I never thought it would be that pleasant to have a deep conversation with someone.” Jungkook suddenly affirmed. And you were going to comment his insignificant statement by saying something about all the girls he was used to hook up with, but something hit you hard at that moment. Because the thing was, it wasn’t an insignificant statement even if it looked like it in the first place.

“I almost believed you when you told me you didn’t have any dream.” You saw one of his eyebrows raising on his forehead, quietly asking you to go on with that thought.

“That’s actually very funny. Because it seemed like you have everything you’ve ever wanted. You actually do have everything poor people dream about. A huge house. An expensive car. More money than time to spend it. You even have dishes in crystal…” You lifted the glass now full of some random liquor, but the black-haired man interrupted you. “They are in diamonds, in fact.” You scoffed. He was so rich it was almost ridiculous.

Jungkook had to make a movement with his hand to invite you to continue, but not before you rolled your eyes extravagantly.

“You make it seem like you have everything.” You looked once more at the vastness of his living room before turning your head back towards him. “But in your enormous palace, you feel so lonely. And all you really wish is for some genuine soul to keep you company. Am I wrong?” You murmured the last part, but he had no problem to hear it. You weren’t that far away from each other, anyway. And that’s why it took him only half a second to close the distance between you. You were once again too close for your liking. Too close to allow your mind to think clearly.

“You’re a smart girl, ___.” Jungkook stated. Your heart was pounding in your chest. “Always feeling terribly lonely. And I never stay long enough in a place to find someone who could become my own home.” You immediately knew he hadn’t been that honest with someone in years. And it warmed your heart that he decided to choose you as a safe place to share his deepest secrets with.

“When do you leave?” You hesitated to ask. But you also needed to know. Your heart was still hammering, harder and stronger every minute passing. “Tomorrow.”

And after all the pounding it has been doing since the leader came closer, it suddenly stopped in your chest.

You couldn’t even hide your disappointment. And Jungkook didn’t miss the way your face fell. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” He sighed. It was his way to try to ease the feeling that was overwhelming you at that moment. And in a way, it worked. “I’m still not going to have sex with you, Kook.” You let out a small chuckle, but his laugh never came, in opposition of what you had expected. In reality, he was just stunned by the nickname you just used. It was stupid, but he hadn’t been called that way in years.

“What about a kiss?”

You didn’t even have to answer. Your lips were only inches apart. They were brushing against each other. And when you closed your eyes, he decided it was the only sign he had been waiting for before definitely closing the gap between you.

What was a simple kiss at the beginning became soon enough a stronger and deeper one. With your tongues dancing with each other. With your hands discovering each other’s face. With your bodies pressing and melting into the other one.

While you were moving your lips in synchronization with his, you wondered if he was used to kiss every other girl like he was kissing you. Slowly. Passionately. Deeply. You wondered if he was used to pass his hands in other girls’ hair the same way he was stroking yours. Gently. Tenderly. Lovingly. And you wondered if he was used to lay those girls down like he laid you on his couch. Kindly. Delicately. Cautiously.

And more than anything else, you were wondering how you were ever going to forget about the way Jeon Jungkook was kissing your lips. Like if he owned them. Like if they were made for him.

Getting back to your boring life was hard after that night. You couldn’t stop replaying the kisses you shared with Jungkook. You had to occupy your brain with complex tasks to prevent it from daydreaming about the sensations that overwhelmed you during your make-out session with the black-haired leader. And you would have bet it was a complete dream if there wasn’t the remnant of a small hickey adorning the place where your neck and your shoulder met, reminding you this moment of pure bliss when he sucked and bit on the sensitive skin.

That was exactly why you were at the very moment trying to study in a small café of the town. To avoid thinking about Jungkook. And to physically avoid Taehyung.

Unfortunately for you, the fellow member had noticed you leaving the party with your mission of the night. So it wasn’t a surprise he strongly believed something happened between the two of you. Even though you assured him at least twenty times nothing happened at all. Which was a lie, because you still ended up making out on his couch, but he didn’t need to know about that.

But no matter how hard you tried to push your unwanted thoughts away, every single thing around you reminded you of him. You closed your eyes and breathed deeply before sighing. You missed him so much that you even started smelling his cologne instead of the strong scent of coffee when you perfectly knew he was already far away from this town.

However, when you opened your eyes, you almost jumped from surprise. He was there. Jungkook was right in front of you.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” You heard yourself saying. You didn’t even process the words that left your mouth. “I don’t remember you being the swearing type. At least, as long as my mouth stay far away from your neck.”

You were speechless. It was all he had to say? You waited a little bit longer for a different answer than the one he just gave you, but he apparently decided to ignore your question. Which pissed you off even more.

So you ignored him back. It was even more impossible to be concentrated on your work now that Jungkook were looking at you from the other side of the table, but you still could fake it. And that’s what you did by typing on your laptop as if he wasn’t even there.

“What are you working on?” The leader asked you. Silence. You saw his fingers starting fidgeting with one of your pens that were lying on the table. You didn’t know if it was to get your attention or a habit of him, but you just ignored it as well, still typing incoherent words on your laptop. “You’re really pretty today.” He added after a few more minutes. You managed to hold back the scoff that was menacing to get out of your mouth, but no matter how hard you tried, your eyebrow still raised high on your forehead. Was he serious? You weren’t even wearing makeup.

Your technique seemed to work because after another long silence, Jungkook sighed loudly and caught one of your hands. “Fine! I just decided we could stay a little bit longer here.”

You looked up to dive your eyes in his and squeezed his hand back. You could pretend you were annoyed with him, but there was gesture even the sanest person couldn’t deny. Holding his hand and intertwining your fingers with his was one of them. “And what made you change your plan?” You questioned, hoping he would admit the reason was you. And because like you, he couldn’t forget about the night you spent together. “Some unexpected meeting, I would say.”

You didn’t have to ask for further explanations, his eyes were saying it all for him, making your heart miss a beat. You would lie if you said he didn’t get you all flustered. But he was used to it now. And so were you.

“I’m gonna let you pretend you’re working now. Yoongi’s waiting for me outside. We have a meeting with your gang.” You looked outside the café and identified the gang member the leader just mentioned. You had a vague memory of Yoongi being at the party your gang had organized the night before.

Jungkook finally got up but didn’t head towards the door of the café as you expected him to. On the contrary, he walked to you, caught your chin between his fingers and bended your head backwards so you were face to face. “You should be careful. That kind of behavior you had earlier could get you into trouble. You’re lucky I’m all wrapped around your finger.”

You didn’t even have the time to process what he just told you before he placed a feather-like kiss on your lips. And with that, he was gone. Leaving you a complete mess on your chair and no way to concentrate on your work.

You decided, at the end of the day (and only at that moment because you didn’t want to seem too eager either), to pass by the general headquarters, which you usually tried to avoid at all cost. But maybe Jungkook was still there, and you really wanted to see him again.

You’re so whipped, ___. You groaned, the reality hitting you. But you couldn’t fight the urge to see him again anymore. There was something about him, you didn’t know what and you didn’t know why but you didn’t want to fight this desire of knowing more and more and more about him anymore. Not after believing you would never see him again.

But the depot where the B.A.F.’s members were always meeting was almost empty. Except for some girls you usually preferred staying away from. You were going to simply ignore them and leave, but you heard your name being called behind you before you could even reach the exit. What the hell did she want?

“I heard about you and Jungkook.” She simply stated. For what you remembered, her name was Yoojin. However, you couldn’t care less at that moment who she was, all you could think about was her statement and the knot it created in your stomach. You didn’t want to get in trouble with her, because you knew that if she decided to start a fight, she would literally ruin you. But even if you were perfectly aware of it, you weren’t going to let her intimidate you. “What about Jungkook and I?”

“Well, it’s a tradition here to tell other girls what exactly happened with a member of another gang. In details.” Her smile was pure evil. It was no doubt she was dying from jealousy. But you honestly couldn’t care less. “Then it’s a shame that nothing happened. At all.”

Yoojin didn’t like you either. You could see it. And you also could see that she didn’t believe you. Once again, you didn’t give two fucks about what she was thinking. You just wanted to know where the rest of the gang were. However, it wasn’t going to be that easy to get answers from her. “What did you do then? Had a cup of tea?”

“You wouldn’t understand, Yoojin. People like you usually can’t.” Her eyes narrowed and her jaw tightened immediately. Let’s say you already were thinking about the shortest and fastest way to run away from this place. “And what exactly does people like me mean?”

You looked at her for a moment, trying to choose the right words. But it seemed like there wasn’t a right way to get out of this mess. Jungkook was right after all. Your behavior was really going to get you in trouble. “I’m just saying that you can keep acting like a prostitute all you want. But at the end of the day, you will still be remembered at the girl who just opens her legs easily and nothing more.”

You then walked slowly backwards. If there was something you’ve learned during your short life as a gang member, it was to never turn your back to your enemy. You only authorized yourself to do so when you reached the door and grabbed the handle to finally get out. But, once again, she spoke before you could exit the room.

“I hope you enjoyed your time with him, ___. Maybe the current mission is going to be the last one.” It was your turn to be lost. Did she want to scare you just for her own pleasure or was she saying the truth? “What do you mean?”

“They all left hours ago. Had some problems with another gang to solve. And you know how vendettas are… You never know who will return.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” It was a little bit after three in the morning, and you got woken up by loud thumps against the front door of your apartment. But you found yourself wide awake the moment you discovered Jungkook standing behind the door. And when you noticed he was incredibly pale you immediately forgot it was the middle of the night.

“I was worried sick.” You told him while opening your door largely to let him come inside. “You shouldn’t. You know I’m a rock, love.” His voice was weak and when he took a step forward, he stumbled and caught hold of you to prevent him from crashing completely on the ground. That’s when you knew you had all the reasons to be worried.

“What happened?” You helped him walk towards your bedroom that was the closest room from the door. You made him sit on your bed, but even there you could see it was hard for him to keep sitting straight. “Got stabbed by this fucker. Would have died if Taehyung wasn’t a fantastic shooter.”

He showed you the cut on his stomach. It was deep, and you could see that someone did a poor job at stitching it. “It’s infected.” You stated. It became very clear to you that you had to repair it yourself, and quickly.

You got out of the room to go get your stitches set, which was in your living room with your university stuff. You grabbed it and got back to your bedroom where Jungkook hasn’t moved an inch. “I’m going to take them off and do it myself.” You informed the black-haired leader who was watching your every move.

“How come you have that thing?” He was referring to your set. “Perks of being a medicine student.” Your simply answered, focused on your work. Jungkook was now lying on the bed and you could see him wincing from the corner of your eyes, but there wasn’t any other way of fixing the mess of the wound. And unfortunately, anesthetic wasn’t not supplied with the basic kit.

“I didn’t know that. You never told me.” It wasn’t a reproach, just a statement. “You didn’t ask me the other night.” You were now cleaning correctly the wound, hoping that there wasn’t anything inside of it.

You stayed silent for a moment, you working cautiously and him watching you. You would probably have blushed if you weren’t so concentrated on your task. After a few more minutes, the head of the cartel sitting on your bed spoke again, certainly to forget about the pain your needle was causing. “How come you live alone? I mean, your parents’ house wasn’t that far away from the university…”

“Too loud to study. My father has to invite a lot of businessmen because of his job and my brother always plays music loudly and his friends are always over.” What you didn’t tell him, though, was that you hated that house and all the memories that were linked to it.

“And your mother?” Your hand stopped in the air, the needle still between your thumb and your index, your eyes fixed on his stomach. You didn’t want to look at him at the moment. You didn’t want to show him how vulnerable his question made you. “Wasn’t it written in my file? Because I guess that’s where you found my address?”

Talking about your mother always made you bitter. Always reminded you the wound that was still here. Not a physical one, like the one you were stitching, but a mental lesion. An emotional grief that will always be there.

Jungkook didn’t deny he read your file. It was useless, you already knew it. And you weren’t stupid enough to believe one of his lies, anyway. “It wasn’t. And I want to hear from you anyways.” Was all he said. You couldn’t help it anymore, you had to look at his face. To know if it was just to torture you or if he was sincere. And what you saw on his face persuaded you to trust him. Made you fall for him even harder.

“She died. When I was twelve.” At that moment you had completely forgot that you had to finish stitching him. All you could think about was the moment you entered your house to find her lifeless body. “She was depressed. She just… hanged herself in the living room.”

Your father always had been a work freak, but after that you barely saw him at home.

The tension was thick between the two of you. Jungkook didn’t say a thing, which you were grateful for, and just caressed your face with his thumb. You’ve always hated people trying to comfort you with empty words when there was nothing more to say. And as you weren’t talking anymore, you just started to stitch the wound again.

When you finally finished your task, you cut the thread off and got up on your feet. That’s when Jungkook spoke again. “What the hell are you wearing?” You looked down at your outfit and realized you were only wearing a large t-shirt that once belonged to your brother and that arrived mid thighs and hid your panties. “Have I some competition I didn’t know about?” Your unexpected guest added, still on the bed.

He was literally staring at your legs with not a single ounce of shame. And you would have lied if you said you didn’t like it. “You don’t. At all. I just love sleeping with baggy clothes.” He was still lying on the bed, but sit up the moment you said it, the hair previously resting on his forehead coming in front of his eyes. You were craving to pass your hand in it.

“Great. Makes it easier for me.” You saw a cocky smile appearing on his face. The one that you hated as much as you loved. “Even if I know I wouldn’t have to worry too much.” What a presumptuous bastard. He was still smiling at you, as if he already won the battle. “And what make you so sure about it?”

You weren’t prepared for his next move. Even though the moment he grabbed your hand to pull you toward him you knew he was only waiting for you to provoke him. You were now straddling his legs and your face was only inches away from his. At least for now. “This.”

Jeon Jungkook was definitely the best kisser you’ve ever met in your life. Nobody had ever kissed you the way he did. Like if he was hungry. Like if he was thirsty. Like if you were the best meal and drink at the same time of the whole world.

His lips were surprisingly soft and tasted like cinnamon. He bit your lip and you opened immediately your mouth to allow his tongue to meet yours. You had been craving this sensation for almost one week now so you almost moan when you felt it entering your mouth and grazing your own tongue.

You made out for quite a long time. Exchanging your saliva. Stroking each other’s hair, as you wanted so much a few minutes ago. Sucking on the thin skin of your necks and leaving hickeys.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do that. Not with you being hur-” You remembered trying to say at a moment. But you forgot what crossed your mind the moment the man now hovering over you placed his lips on yours once again. And you couldn’t even care less when you felt his hands moving up and down on your thighs. But not once did he get higher than your thighs during your make-out session. Actually, not once did he slide his hands higher during the entire night.

You woke up with Jungkook the next morning. And the morning after that. And again the next morning. In fact, you woke up next to the leader the whole following week. You wanted to blame it on the fact that you had to take care of him, to watch his wound to be sure it was healing correctly. And it was true, in a way. But the very truth was that you couldn’t get enough of him. Especially after the first morning you spent together.

The problem was, Jungkook was very cuddly in the morning. Which would have never been a problem if he didn’t fuel your hormones. With his kisses. And his hands roaming your entire body. His morning boner against your lower back. But that was it. He was only a flirt. Only light touches. Only a tease. And you were sexually frustrated like you’ve never been before.

“Morning.” You heard his voice behind you, spooning being Kook’s favorite way to sleep.

At that point, everything was aggravating the state you were currently in. From his husky morning voice to his fingers grazing the soft skin of your stomach. One inch away from your panties.

The kisses he started to place on your shoulder didn’t help soothing your actual mood. Actually it even made him stop all his moves when he felt how tensed your body was. “What’s going on?”

A whole week of frustration, that’s what’s going on. But you weren’t going to tell him. Because as stupid as it was, you didn’t want to admit out loud he was driving you crazy. Or at least, you didn’t want to admit it before he did. And you also didn’t want to lie. So you stayed silent.

You felt his nose running along your skin, from the end of your shoulder to your earlobe, making your body immediately press harder against his. “You smell so damn good.” At that moment you wondered if he knew what he was doing to you. Was this all on purpose? Or was he just oblivious to the sexual tension between you?

“Tell me what’s going on, baby. I can feel how tensed your body is.” Baby. That was a new one. It was always doll or love. Never baby.

Jungkook groaned when he realized you weren’t going to answer his question. And then turned you around so you were facing each other. The only thing you could think about now was how tempting his lips were.

However, when you tried to capture his mouth with yours, he moved backwards, almost making you moan. As if you weren’t already frustrated enough. You finally thought he was going to kiss you when his face went forward, but it was to once more pull back the moment your lips were going to touch.

Jungkook played that game two or three more times until you finally groaned before speaking again. “Are you going to tell me now?” His lips brushed yours again. Your bodies were now so close you could feel every single mechanism of his anatomy. Every breath. Every muscle tensing. Every heartbeat. And if you could feel it, he could probably tell how uneven your heart was thumping in your chest.

His hand on your thigh was a pure torture and made you tighten your legs against each other, afraid that Jungkook would find out what was going on between them in your panties. And at the same time excited and impatient.

Yet Jungkook was still waiting for an answer and you were waiting for his lips to kiss yours. So you just said it. "You just... frustrate me." His eyebrows, that were previously raised in question, furrowed in an instant. "Frustrate?" He was genuinely lost. But after looking at you intently, from head to toe, it seemed that he had finally gather all the signs of your frustration and that realization hit him hard.

A smirk – it was a little one but you still could see it – appeared on his face. He was proud of the effect he had on you, you could sense it with every fiber of your body. “And to think that I was controlling myself because I know you’re still a virgin…”

You were a what? You were taken aback. Utterly speechless. But it lasted only a few seconds, because your first reaction was to genuinely laugh. “I’m not-” You started to say, trying to speak while still laughing. “I’m not a virgin.”

Jungkook was frowning so much his eyebrows were almost touching each other. When your laughter finally died, the black-haired man opened his mouth as if he was going to says something, but he closed it almost immediately. “What made you think I was still a virgin?” You broke the silence. He simply shrugged, or more accurately tried to shrug, because you were still laid on the bed and it wasn’t the easiest position to move shoulders. “I don’t know… You were so against having sex with me I just thought it was because of that.”

“Well… I didn’t know you enough to let you have your way with me, love.” You didn’t even know why, but this whole situation was making you feel confident. You wanted to tease him, to tempt him, to make him beg. But as always, Jungkook found a way to reverse the situation. “And now you would?”

The beautiful man lying in front of you were once again too close. You couldn’t even breathe, so even less think properly. To be accurate, the only thing that was in your mind was him. His lips, his touch, his morning hard-on. And you were almost sure you were finally going to have what you had been craving for days.

“Too bad I have business to deal with.” Jungkook whispered, his breath crashing on your skin. He finally kissed your lips, but it wasn’t enough. It was only a peck, only two seconds of your lips meeting for the first time this morning. And then he was gone, walking proudly towards the bathroom. Because he fucking knew he was driving you insane.

Jungkook got out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later. Fresh and ready for the day. You were still lying on the bed. Frustrated and upset.

He looked at you from his spot right in front of the door of the bathroom. He didn’t say a thing, and you didn’t want to break the silence. Your ego was already hurt enough. You also didn’t want to show him how bothered you were by his rejection, so you turned your head, avoiding his eyes. And that was what made him react. “Fuck it!”

Jungkook surprised you when he headed toward you instead of the door. He discarded the covers and grabbed your ankles to pull you closer to him. Your lower legs were now falling from the bed, and Jungkook was kneeling between them.

“I can’t fully satisfy your needs, but I can at least make you orgasm once before leaving.” You gulped at his words while he wasted no time to kiss your exposed thighs. You knew what he was up to and you had to prevent a moan to leave your mouth. He hadn’t even properly started, and you were already a mess underneath him.

Jungkook took off your shorts and panties at the same time and tossed them somewhere else in the room. He was going right for it, causing your arousal still there from all the teasing of the leader on you half an hour ago to increase even more every second passing. But that’s when his mouth met your core that you knew you weren’t going to last long.

He was licking you clean, sucking your bundle of nerves, fucking you with his fingers. You were a dessert and he was fucking starving. You were a glass of water and he was thirsty as hell.

You were gripping his hair, scratching his neck. And in response he would groan against your clit, which drove you crazy. It was so good you couldn’t remember your name. Only his. And you were moaning it. Screaming it.

His mouth was perfect. His tongue was heaven; and his fingers were the key of it. The combination of them made you come hard, harder than you’ve ever orgasmed. Your high lasted a long time, and you had to blink a few times to stop seeing stars.

Jungkook was watching you, his frame towering you. He closed the gap between you to kiss your lips, and this time it was a real kiss. A kiss that made your breath even more erratic. A kiss in which you felt your own slit on his tongue.

“See you later, babe.”

Later that day, you received a text from Taehyung saying that you had to go to the headquarters right now. And you knew that you’d better be there very soon if you didn’t want to be in trouble, even though it meant you had to miss some classes at university. The gang was more important. That was the very first rule the fellow member had taught you when you entered the gang.

You were still wondering if you were going to get a new mission when you passed the door of the main room of the building. You weren’t the last person to arrive, but the room was almost full, since Jungkook’s gang was here as well.

You tried to catch the black-haired leader’s eyes, but he seemed to be deep in his thoughts. “Perfect! I think everyone’s here now.” You turned your head towards your own leader, still not sure what was about to happen. “They’re about to make a deal. The big boss always asks the whole gang to be there when it happens.”

You turned around to look at Taehyung who just whispered those words in your ear. He still had a few cuts on his face from the last mission they did. But it wasn’t as bad as the one Jungkook had had.

You were all silent, waiting for someone to start speaking and break the silence. And it finally happened after a few more minutes. “I’m gonna get straight to the point, Daehyun.” Jungkook said, talking directly to the leader of your gang. He was imperious and only someone mad would want to disrespect Jungkook at the very moment. “I know you want to make a deal with our gang. And I’m willing to consent. But I have some conditions.”

The B.A.F.’s leader seemed rather pleased and didn’t even try to hide it. By the face Jungkook’s was doing, you knew immediately he was contemptuous of this kind of reaction. The man you were now seeing for a whole week would have never showed his emotions like that.

You also knew Jungkook didn’t exactly liked your leader, making you wonder why he was accepting such a deal. “Our gangs will be linked. Meaning helping each other in case of problems. Collaborating. Exchanging pieces of information.” Daehyun nodded, his smile still visible on his face. “But I want Taehyung. And ___.”

Not even a fly could have been heard in the room at that moment. The B.A.F.’s leader was apparently thinking about it, trying to take the right decision. “You surely can have ___. Don’t even know why you want her so badly. But Taehyung… You have to understand he’s one of my best members.”

You almost wanted to roll your eyes. What a stupid bastard. “The role of a leader – of a good leader – is to know the qualities and the flaws of each member of their gang. If you would have taken an interest in ___, you would have discovered she’s studying medicine at university. And we all know a good doctor is an advantage you can’t deny in a cartel.”

Your whole body reacted as if it was on fire because of Jungkook’s words. He literally stood up for you, in front of both gangs. In a way, it almost meant more than him declaring his love for you. And the look of humiliation that was painted on Daehyun’s face made you even more ecstatic.

“I want Taehyung, too. And we both know I will have him.” It wasn’t a threat. But everyone could understand and sense the danger in Jungkook’s voice, and maybe Daehyun wasn’t the smartest person you’ve ever met, but he wasn’t stupid either.

So he finally accepted the deal. And that’s how you and Taehyung became a part of BTS.

Naked was the look that suited the most Jeon Jungkook. He was confident and stunning. And he was lying in your bed, his fingers running along your arm after many rounds of rather rough sex.

You were sleepy but you couldn’t resolve yourself to close your eyes and stop staring at your new leader’s face. “You’re so beautiful.” You didn’t even mean to speak, but you couldn’t care less. You thought it with every fiber of your body. “You’re gorgeous. And mine. In any way possible.” Was his reply to your previous outburst.

You quirked an eyebrow, and a playful smile appeared on your lips. “Mmmh, I don’t remember you asking me to be your girlfriend.” He was quick to mimic your smile and get even closer to your body. His head was now in your neck, his lips brushing the many love bites he left earlier. “You know I made you mine the moment I marked you, love. And we both know you love that.”

Light kisses were spread on your light skin, and he sucked one more time. You were tired, but you weren’t going to stop him. “Be my girlfriend, ___.” He wasn’t asking, but he wasn’t demanding either.

“We both know I want it more than anything else.” You answered. He stopped to kiss your neck to smile at you, eyes in the eyes. His smile was intoxicating. He was intoxicating. But a good kind of intoxicating.

“You know you don’t have to stay in the gang if you don’t want to.” Jungkook was serious and sincere. You could see it in his eyes. “I don’t want to leave the gang if it means being a stranger to you.” That was actually your biggest fear at that moment. Jungkook giving up on you.

“You will never be a stranger to me, ___.” He only called you by your name when he was talking with his heart. You learnt it during the short amount of time you spent with him. “Remember the night we met?” You simply nodded, captivated by the way his lips were moving. “You asked me what my dream was. And you proved me for the first time that day how smart you were. How smart you are. I spent my whole trying to find the missing piece. The person who will make me feel like home. And you make me feel like home, ___.”

You couldn’t even describe how your heart was pounding in your chest. Or how you wanted to be one with his whole heart and soul.

“You realized my biggest dream, love. And I want to spend the rest of my life realizing yours.” It was only him and you. Right here and right now. The rest didn’t matter anymore. You were each other’s home. And you were beautiful and strong together.

“So tell me, love. What do you dream about?”

[flying-elliska]

Skam France Season 6 Review

It’s that time, I guess. My feelings are, like many, mixed. I think I enjoyed the season more than most people here, but the ending was a massive let down. Overall it boils down to this : Skam France is great at moments and very bad at structure. A lot of my issues with the season is what is not in it. I saw so much potential that never quite materialized, and it left me frustrated. At the same time, Lola is a really cool character, her arc is really interesting, her relationship with her sister is one of the best things they’ve ever done, and the actors killed it. Loved La Mif, discovering other sides of Eliott, the urbex backgrounds, and Maya. A lot of fascinating character moments. This is definitely my second favorite season after s3 - at times I even thought it would equal it. Sadly, though, Skam France will remain a bit of a one hit wonder for me. Because they are so good at bringing up problems in a nuanced layering way - be it addiction, grief, eating disorders, internalized ableism, racist microagressions - but when it comes to resolving what they brought up, they default towards a ‘let’s all be nice to each other, hug or kiss, love saves the day yay !’ story. Which is, when you claim to deal with real world issues, simplistic, immature, and at times quite offensive. It works for s3, which is at its core a tale of self-discovery, self-acceptance and romance. But niceness doesn’t solve racism, and family problems aren’t solved with a hug, and addiction recovery doesn’t hinge on having someone to kiss, and the series came dangerously close to implying that at times. 

All in all, this is a show that often manages to be both brilliant and terrible at the same time. At least it’s not dull. 

Positives/Negatives/Meh breakdown :

Positives :

- Sisterly love : My favorite thing without a doubt is the relationship between Lola and Daphné. Flavie and Lula killed it. Almost all the clips that made me cry were the ones with the both of them in it. At the beginning their rivalry is so relatable to me : the responsible sibling who takes on too much burdens and is too controlling and parentified vs. the problem sibling who acts out to express the issues the rest of the family are repressing - i have been in both of those spots. you can see how they slowly realize that the gap between them didn’t need to be there, that it wasn’t their fault, that it was the result of their parent’s bullshit and even shittier circumstances. seeing them make little gestures to recognize each other’s pain, to nurture each other, to give each other support, but also to tell each other some unpleasant truths, was so incredibly powerful. Relationships between sisters can be just so...complex, and loving, and petty, and jealous, and supportive, and feral, and annoying, and understanding, and ugh, they made me feel all of that and more. I have a sister, and I have a relationship like that with her, and this season gave me some very important perspectives. Really, relationships between women aren’t explored enough, and this season really did this one thing excellently and if only for that, it deserves to be watched. That moment where Lola talks to Daphné about her self destructive tendencies...so important. I am so happy that Daphné was the one finding Lola in her tower of solitude, and the moment where she says ‘you pay too much attention to what other people think, Lola’ was the emotional turning point of the season for me, because it was Daphné recognizing Lola really cared behind her mask of coldness, but also that she was hurt by that and that she needed to love herself regardless of the love her parents didn’t give her ; and also that she heard Lola saying it to her and that it inspired her too, so there is this amazing reciprocity. It was so powerful, I’m still reeling from it. And it was a beautiful full circle from the beginning of the season. 

- Family of outsiders : the urbex gang was such a wonderful new group this season. It was bound to be tricky getting us to like this new generation, and I think they did a pretty good job. Even tho I wish we got to know them a bit more, they were all intriguing and interesting on their own, and the vibes of Lamif as a whole were just so fun and lovely. Loved the neuroatypical vibes I got from Sekou and Jo. Love that they introduced a trans guy character. Loved Maya as group mom. And seeing them warm up to Lola was really sweet. The social media of them hanging out was more or less the only good social media we got this season lmao. The urbex thing was a great symbol for Lola finding a home with the outcasts, a bit on the fringe of society, and the start of acceptance, of bringing her in from the cold. Maya and Lola’s relationship fit in that really nicely, especially the bits about them talking about their shared experiences of grief, and my favorite scenes with them is showing Lola that her scars can be beautiful and that her rough experiences are part of who she is. The way she didn’t take Lola’s bullshit was great, and even tho I think their relationship was rushed, overall they really fit well together. Love Maya’s character as a concept in general, this funky purple haired lesbian environmentalist with amazing sense of style, and I really hope we see her again in upcoming seasons. And finally, I also really liked Eliott and Lola’s friendship (except for the ending) - the fact that they understand this darkness that they share, but that Eliott has succeded in climbing over it, and so he can give Lola support, understanding, guidance. I loved that we got to hear a bit more of his perspective on mental illness, the good and the bad times, that we saw his passion for movies become more real. I loved the fact that they bonded over creative things and photography, too, and that she found a safe space in the video store. And even tho it wasn’t resolved properly, the scene where he comes to get her and punches Aymeric really made me cry. Also, BASILE. Best bro in law ever. Their scenes together were so homey and warm and sweet. They will have such a good relationship in time. Overall, I really like how central friendship was in this season, shown as so powerful and important. They could have done more with it but I love a lot of what we got. I am just a sucker for found family, man.

- Lola herself : I know she was a controversial character right from the start. She’s been called manipulative, selfish, out of control, toxic. And honestly at times...maybe she was a bit. I still love her. She is just so interesting to me. The lack of compassion towards her in the fandom was seriously depressing at times, and often felt like a symptom of something I’ve seen in a lot of different fandoms, ie the capacity to only tolerate moral ambiguity when it’s attached to attractive white male characters - and to only tolerate mental illness symptoms when they can be romanticized. In the end, she’s a struggling teen from a deeply dysfunctional family who’s had a very rough life, of course she’s not going to be well adjusted. All in all, I think she’s so brave, and she is a fighter. I adored her feral energies in the trailer. I also really liked her blunt honesty at times, even if it was sometimes hurtful and excessive. I think because I have the opposite tendency to be afraid to speak my mind, I really dig a character who isn’t afraid to speak the ugly truth. Even though, again, ‘the truth’ isn’t always cut and clear, and what Lola is often doing instead is listening to ‘depression voice’ who tells her to believe the worst in people. I find that fascinating, because in my experience, yes, depression comes with this terrible lucidity that makes you see through a lot of bullshit but at the same time, is distorting your perspective because of fear and shame, and kicking that, and disentangling your perception from that fatalism, is very complicated. I loved how genuine she was, how mature too sometimes through the pain, more mature than she should have been. It was rough watching her relapse, but I think the portrayal of addiction was pretty very well done overall, not romanticized and explained in a very coherent way. I wish the show had given her a bit more of a clearer view of her inner thoughts towards the end and let her apologize a bit more. And a clearer realisation that her parent’s lack of well expressed love didn’t doom her. But...yeah Following her really made me question my own - more hidden - self destructive impulses, linked to family shit, that pushes me to sabotage and isolate myself. Like Eliott said to her - it’s really a lifelong struggle. I think overall her arc was pretty satisfying, learning to step away from the edge, letting people in, seeing that she isn’t alone, accepting she deserves better and that her failures don’t doom her. That it is about getting up and trying again. Love her using her mother’s camera and wanting to get a phoenix tattoo, a perfect symbol for her. Also Flavie was amazing, she’s got a bright future ahead.

Negatives :

- No follow up to the assault storyline : The thing that I am, without any single doubt, most mad about, is the fact they didn’t bring up the sexual assault again. Along with Charles’ rape apologism, this creates a very dubious pattern of trivializing the issue ‘as long as it’s not real rape’. The fact that the morning after immediately turns to Elu drama is what sort of started my disconnect from the season, and the fact that they don’t bring it up afterwards even once made me angry. I think Lola, before going back to the hospital, should have told someone about the abuse she endured there, and should have told someone about Aymeric, even if only to acknowledge she wants to be done with that part of her life. Aymeric is like...Lola’s biggest villain, in a sense, he is a horrible predator but he also somehow represents her worst impulses, that part of herself that tells her she doesn’t deserve better, and I think that as a character, he was interesting, and he should have been adressed/exorcised better. If Lola was a real person, of course, she would probably have to deal with this in therapy, down the line, later, but as a story, never adressing this again left it unfinished. And this is really the kind of event you NEED catharsis and resolution for. Otherwise, it’s irresponsible.

- A generally overstuffed and disjointed structure : My biggest problems with this season are about what isn’t and what isn’t it. I liked most of the clips, I don’t have an issue with them going dark, strangely enough, but the way they were put together was just...messy. Like many people have said, too much stuff not properly adressed. Palm of most annoyingly useless subplot, the whole Tiff thing. Yes, it was cool comparing her clique to Lamifex and Lola realizing she wants nothing to do with those shallow fake bitches. Sekou hacking her account to replace it with pigeons, amazing. After that though, it should have been DONE, and in general, it should have taken a lot less time and attention. Comparing Tiff’s social media addiction to Lola’s issues felt like some trivializing bullshit. The whole thing was just so annoying. It would have been good if it had led to some discussion of social inequality but like...not this shit. Char, equally useless (although, cool actress, cool style). Another MASSIVE problem is the lack of follow through on big clips. A great thing about SKAM, usually, is that it shows you the aftermath of big moments - characters lying in bed, cuddling, talk to their friends, crying in the shower, etc. It allows the viewer to breathe and really get into the character’s perspective, to be comforted and process drama, and for the emotions to resonate better, to have space to develop richly. Here...we had Lola brush off her assault, we saw nothing after Daphné got her back from the tower thinking she could have killed herself, we learned that they had money problems and the father didn’t go to work and then that was never adressed again and the light was turned back on by magic (????), we saw Eliott go on a major bender and didn’t really see how he got better, etc. Big lack of introspective clips in the latter part of the season took me out of Lola’s head. It was all stressful and breathless, all intensity and no pause like one grating high pitch note instead of music, it felt oppressive, with poor contrast, and very badly paced. It made everything blur together and feel less relevant. The problem with that is it really takes you out of the story ; it’s hard to care when you know whatever is happening might not have a resolution, and it doesn’t put you in the shoes of the character. This was compounded by how mediocre the social media was, when it is usually used to bridge in the gaps. And then to finish : the structure was so uneven, especially in the second part of the season. Towards the middle we had some very short episodes with very underwhelming endings, and Vendredis that felt like non events, and there wasn’t a lot happening - and then, bam, ep 9, drama overload, almost like misery p*rn, and then a super rushed resolution in ep 10. Like they cared more about twists and giving the opposite of what was expected instead of solid coherent narrative and rhythm. The romantic back and forth felt repetitive as hell too. All in all, it made for a very unsatisfying live watching experience, pretty sure anyone who didn’t watch live would like it a lot more. 

- The last two episodes : Really, I could have overlooked all the problems with the season if they had given us a good ending, but...they really really didn’t. And contrasted with last season, where my problems were focused on the middle, for me the ending is really the worst part of this season. I didn’t dislike the controversial club clips, I liked having the insight into Eliott’s insecurities, but they should never have brought those up if they weren’t going to let him adress them properly. Having everything go to shit in Lola’s life at once felt like overkill - they really should have solved those problems earlier, and then dealt with a few ones properly, showed us Lola freaking out on her own, and taken out the bullshit at the high school. Thierry slapping her was also too much, he could just have said these clumsy things. She could have distanced herself from Maya instead of pushing her away again. Also, they really should have had this happen in episode 8 again, and given us a proper resolution. While the tower sequence was incredibly powerful, I pretty much liked nothing after that. It was so annoying that Eliott brushed off Lola’s apology because while he wasn’t wrong that he decided to get drunk himself, she still needed to apologize and actually state that she wanted to get better so she didn’t hurt her friends, so as a resolution it was very mediocre. Thierry recognizing they should have given Lola the choice to go the hospital was a step but really not enough. And the moments with Maya were cute sure but mostly cheesy and unearned. Same for the ending clip. Mostly it’s such an unsatisfying farewell to the old generation, and it really feels like they wanted us to force to move on - didn’t want to properly recognize the end of an era, gave us almost nothing about their BAC or their future plans, etc etc. Also, letting Charles talk and having Arthur and Alexia kiss again ? SO BAD. UGH. I will be forever disappointed they didn’t give us a Multi POV or at least sth better on social media. And not having Eliott’s POV or at least a real Elu conversation (pretty much all season...) so frustrating I will never not be bitter about that. So yeah. The season started so powerfully but went out with a whimper instead of a bang. That whole ‘romantic love solves everything!!!’ shtick...very undercooked tbh. 

Meh : 

- Mayla’s development : I wanted to stan them SO BAD. Like, wlw in skam (that doesn’t turn into a panphobic mess?) YES, all the way yes. Maya and Lola had great chemistry, great dynamic. I loved their first few clips, the kind of confrontational flirting, the boldness, it was like...damn girls ! we love a non useless lesbian ! But...somewhere along the way, their relationship really suffered from the wacky plot structure. They should have shown us more bonding before we got to the angsting (esp during first urbex night). Also, their first kiss was sweet but I hated the ‘you’re my addiction’ line and that kind of put a damper on it. I liked the scenes where they open up about difficult things, the love Maya showed to Lola’s scars, the dandelion symbolism was lovely, but it wasn’t balanced enough with other stuff, and I felt Maya was way too stoic at times. And I really, really didn’t like the ending, honestly. They kept a good balance all season showing Lola wasn’t relying entirely on romantic love, that her family and friends were also important - but saying ‘i’m okay as long as you’re here’ at the end...honestly that sounds unhealthy and codependent as fuck. I really wish they’d done a more subtle, taking it slow ending for them.

- The financial issues : Again a storyline with much potential that wasn’t dealt with properly. It’s really good that we got a main that wasn’t from an economically priviledged background. Especially it felt very relevant to Daphné’s storyline, with the shame she felt at her friends seeing her place, the pressure to make it work, tying into her ED, etc etc. But cutting off the power, the father not working going nowhere...it’s like the plotline meandered and then vanished into thin air. Instead of that, they could have given us a scene of Daphné freaking out over the bills like in OG w Vilde, keeping the focus on her for that plot because she’s the most affected ; and then in the end of the season the father taking them over from her and telling her he’s found another job and that those things shouldn’t be her responsibility. That would have been relevant, instead of just...a loose end.

- Family issues : The Lecomte family dynamic seemed fascinating to me at the start. The mom being this shadowy complicated figure. The inability of the father to deal with anything. Daphné being parentified, Lola becoming the symptom child. They could have done a lot with this, but in the end, it felt like it was brushed aside too easily by saying the mom sent letters so she wasn’t too bad and Thierry is making breakfast so he’s trying. Not enough. I wanted them to let Lola acknowledge she deserved better and that their parent’s crap wasn’t on her. That her mom should have looked for help and the other two shouldn’t have pretended everything was okay. In general, there is way too much pressure to overlook toxic parent behavior and I wish they’d been clearer about this. 

- Mental health portrayal : Some parts of it were really good. Showing Daphné’s ED, letting Eliott talk about his episodes and relapses, showing some of the dark sides of depression and addiction. They just needed to show more of the recovery, because that is often the representation that they lacked the most. I don’t blame them for showing the bad sides of the mental healhcare system (which is terribly outdated and dysfunctional in France, I’m speaking from experience) but they should have shown the good too. Like do they find recovery boring or something ? Because as a person w MI, that’s actually what I’m dying to see, and they’ve been a real letdown in that department. I also think they should have acknowledged that the Lecomte family has mental issues as a whole, that the mother should have gotten help, and the father probably needs it too (still think they should have gone to therapy as a group lol).

- Elu and Eliott’s development : Honestly, not a big fan of how they wrote Lucas in s5&s6, in a lot of clips he was the angry guy with a temper, I miss s4 Lucas who was so compassionate and showed real growth and emotional intelligence. Here it just felt like they were fitting his character to plot needs, and it’s so sad for a character who had such an amazing story development. Now, I loved the glimpses of domestic Elu we got, how Axel and Maxence really showed the intimacy that had grown between them, they really felt married with all the nonverbal conversations and touches, that was sweet. But it’s so annoying that they hinted at Lucas’s insecurities and Eliott’s lack of communications and just brushed it away with ‘oh they love each other they will be okay’ sure bitch but then show us how ? that’s the interesting stuff ? it really feels sometimes like the writer(s) didn’t like how strongly the fans focused on the romance when they wanted to be talking about MATURE dark stuff not that frilly fluffy romance shit *eyeroll* male writers who think they’re above that stuff is so annoying as is the conflating of dark and mature - anyway. Again I liked seeing Eliott in his element this season, he is really thriving, with his movie and the video store, and that made me very happy. I don’t think it’s unrealistic he didn’t make a lot of friends in uni - French university can be so isolating, there isn’t a campus or a vibrant social life like in the US, it’s a very common experience to feel lost and isolated for newbies and it was also my case - but ? Sofiane ? Idriss ??? They could have found a better excuse to implicate Lamifex in the movie making tbh, like Jo egging him on about her passion for directing or whatever, and Sofiane could have been there chilling with them it would have been so cool. I just wish Eliott would have had more of an arc like Daphné did. It wouldn’t have taken much, and since he is my favorite character, I will never not be disappointed at all the wasted potential. 

Yeah so in the end i think this was a very good story they didn’t entirely give themselves the right storytelling tools to tell. Like there is something in the way they prioritize certain moments over others that...I just find very frustrating and weird. So...flawed, but still very interesting overall.

[bisexualhobi]

wait I think I agree not today is really bad but now rank all their title tracks from best to worst pls

lmaoohdksjjdjf i love this question so much anon but due to the fact that i’m me this would get way WAY too long. so i’m doing the top 5 best title tracks and then top 5 worst ones okay? i’m looking at google and apparently they have 26 korean singles so yeah that’s too much.

to rank them as objectively as possible I'm gonna try to take into account gp impact (which is not the same as chart impact since the fandom inflates those numbers), production, creative value (how innovative/different from other pop songs was it?) and the concept of the music video/aesthetic in general. 

BTS TITLE TRACKS: TOP 5

5. Black Swan (2020)

am I cheating by putting here a pre release single? maybe. but it would be a disservice to leave this one out so bear with me

⭐gp impact: this song made more noise as a pre release single than the title track. I saw it in at least 3 end of the year editorials for best kpop songs of 2020. and the thing is it could have been WAY bigger but a lot of stuff happened that sadly made it go away too soon. I don't think this one is as famous or recognizable as the others in this list which is why it's going last, but also I think this song is the most underrated gem in bts discography so it's still going here.

⭐production: this song beat out the front runners (I need u, save me, DNA) solely because of its production. there are not a lot of kpop songs out there that manage to pull off what this song does. it's powerful, it's nostalgic, it's a dark and sexy song without being too on the nose. the mixing is SUPERB I remember the first time I heard it I thought "this would blow the fuck up if it was a Travis Scott song" and I will DIE on that hill. this is an example of heavy autotune on a song done right, not like the rest of their super autotuned songs that sometimes come out unrecognizable and empty sounding.

⭐creative value: it's not truly a new concept in pop to make a song about the Death of the Artist. it’s also not something a rookie group can do, this song needed to be released at exactly the time in bts’ career that it was. there’s just no emotional impact if you just sing about how the music makes your hear beat and you’ve been in the industry for,,, 3 years. this is the type of Swan Song you release at the peak of your career, so that really contributes to the message. mixing a trap beat with a ballet motif is GALAXY BRAIN SHIT.

⭐️concept: the ballet influence is just beautifully executed, this song is a beautiful piece of craftsmanship on all fronts. i think they could literally build an entire ALBUM off this concept, so the fact that they jampacked it onto one single song is both amazing and a little sad for me. i wanna hear more of this. i want a literal Black Swan (the darren aranofsky movie) horror concept where the protagonist falls prey to his own madness because he strives for perfection. but yeah, the song itself and the orchestral version just make this a complete golden concept in my book.

4. IDOL (2018).

⭐️gp impact: i think a lot of people that didn’t know anything about kpop vaguely knew about this song when it was released. i know i wasn’t into kpop at all but in my pop culture circle there was a small bleep from this song bc of the concept and the dance. i think it’s a great “embassador of kpop” track, like if you wanna explain to someone with no previous knowledge what kpop is about you can show them a performance of this song.

⭐️production: the production is a little all over the place for me. the instrumentals are amazing and really creative tho, but like in terms of mixing vocals and the structure of it, it might be a little too grating. it’s not the best produced song in ly: answer by any means but it still makes it work

⭐️creative value: the whole hanbok thing is a 10/10. bts weren’t the first ones to do it, but they did it in such a tightly executed way that honestly that “classic korean roots meets the edgy western feel” concept belongs to them now. groups are still recreating it. it’s a really innovative concept in general.

⭐️concept: the music video is,,,, something. you might love it or hate it, but it’s memorable. i think the purposeful way in which they made it as loud and brilliant as possible can be taken either as a camp adjacent or just as the group going nuts with the budget, which props to them. the choreography is also a BIG plus. the south african influence is really well executed and they made sure to do it as cultural appreciation and not appropriation. definitely the most memorable thing from this song is the choreo

3. Run (2015).

⭐️gp impact: this was their second song to have a music show win. it was the lead single from hyyh pt2 and honestly it might be the best song off hyyh as a whole. it cemented bts as not just another kpop group, because it made non fans turn their heads too! from what i gather this really propelled them forward and made the fanbase grow a lot.

⭐️production: hyyh pt2 is super well produced. i feel like this song in particular makes a fine job of mixing the vocals but it’s not outstanding. the best part is the instrumentals. but overall it’s a really good song with amazing lyrics and a great melody.

⭐️creative value: this built off of what they did with pt1 so they were already in a comfortable place, when they found this sound they really explored it well and deep and it works! i’m glad they went this emo pop route because it was a good contrast to what was dominating the charts in kpop in 2015.

⭐️concept: the aesthetic is PERFECT. there’s not a single other thing that i could add or that i wanted gone. it’s the perfect mix of coming of age teen film and heartfelt, dreamy pop. the music video is by no surprises the favorite mv of a lot of the fandom. the cinematography is beautiful and the song and the video perfectly capture that fleeting moment in life when you’re in the brink of adulthood.

2. Mic Drop (2017).

⭐️gp impact: this song was the first bts song to chart on the billboard hot100. back when the fandom had no idea how to chart, mass buy etc. that’s enough said. (personally i think mic drop is the quintessential bts song and their best release so the fact that i’m not putting it first should count as something).

⭐️production: for the purposes of this ranking i’m using the original mic drop and not the steve aoki remix even tho it was the steve remix that was released as the single. the song has the BEST mastering i’ve heard in kpop. the transitions are flawless, the beat is pure fire, the entire first minute is literally the hardest hype rap i’ve heard in kpop. everything about it WORKS.

⭐️creative value: it’s kinda funny how this song got released the same year as kendrick lamar’s humble, because imho it’s the best hiphop song of that year after humble. 2017 was truly the year of the diss tracks. bonus points for including it right after the billboard acceptance speech skit in ly: answer. SUPER refreshing among the ed sheeran type of pop that dominated that year.

⭐️concept: it’s a great concept but not innovative by any means. still, it works and bts managed to exploit it to the max. the choreo, the mv, the styling, everything was amazing!

1. Blood, Sweat & Tears (2016).

⭐️gp impact: it's probably the first song to put bts on the map beyond the kpop sphere. it really set the tone for their 2017. it's one of their most famous and recognizable songs to date.

⭐️production: this song is STUNNINGLY arranged. the mix, the ambience, the progression,,, it's all brought together to make a very well crafted song. it has a distinctive electronic/pop sound to it that still manages to set itself apart from the trend that was going at the time. black swan is probably the closet single they have to this in terms of production.

⭐️creative value: the song itself is very in compliance with the 2015/2016 trend of hype songs with edm influence, (ie. closer, shape of you, cheap thrills, let me love you, something just like this, etc.) but it still packs that punch that makes it sound fresh even for 2021.

⭐️concept: it wasn't the first song to sound like this in kpop ofc but it was the first truly sexy concept for bts. the aesthetic is innovative and very well thought out, the mv is amazing and the choreography too. i read somewhere that j-hope had a lot of input for this choreo so that's amazing. also blond taehyung is literally the best thing to come out of big hit.

WORST BTS TITLE TRACKS

ok so here we go with the worst ones! this is in ascending order as i prepare myself to pick the worst of them all, but please remember this isn’t meant to be mean spirited, i am simply applying the same criteria to their most underwhelming songs but that doesn’t mean they don’t have their own merit! it’s just that out of 26 singles, SOME of them have got to come out at the bottom right?

5. Life Goes On (2020)

⭐gp impact: this song is not memorable with the general public, its #1 on the bb was the product of mass buying and even though it's a feel good song made to comfort fans in the times of pandemic it's still bland and boring. I think it had no music show appearances either, and as far as bts ballads go this is just bottom tier. it’s not that it’s terrible, it’s just very underwhelming 

⭐production: the autotune in this song is very poorly executed, it doesn't add to the song the way black swan does for example. it's just off putting and the melody is really forgettable. it's funny bc the chorus is directly pulled from the 2018 reggaeton super hit "La Canción" by J Balvin and Bad bunny lmaooo 💀 so I can't get that out of my head either. the structure is just fine and has nothing of substance 

⭐creative value: the song is attempts to be a heartfelt acoustic song but it really has nothing that sets it apart from other songs product of the pandemic like Justin and ariana's stuck with u. for a song in a self produced album it's the song with the least input from the group. the lyrics are good, but they're not as sincere or groundbreaking as for example Spring day. 

⭐concept: as a ballad ofc I'm not expecting it to have a grand choreography, and the mv being filmed in their personal dorms to reflect the lockdown is actually a nice touch but besides that there is nothing exciting, innovative or even sincerely comforting about the song and the concept. the greatest thing abt it is the fact that jk directed the video, which is actually pretty good.

4. We are bulletproof pt 2 (2013)

⭐gp impact: this song made no noise back in the day and to this day its just beloved by the fandom due to a sense of nostalgia and "remembering bts' roots". don't get me wrong it's amazing that bts still perform it in the year of our lord 2020 because you can't forget where you came from, but it's not a good or memorable song by any means. 

⭐production: I went back to listen to it for this and oh god. I can't remember the mixing being THIS bad. jimin, jin and taehyung sound exceptionally bad, they don't sound like themselves especially jin. it's just a really poorly mastered song, but then again the rest of their debut album isn't far better. 

⭐creative value: this is straight up ripping off early 2000s black culture from the US. not only the music, the styling for this era in general is unfortunately really bad and culturally appropriating and overall it's a mess. 

⭐concept: there is nothing of substance to be said about this song. it's just really a miss. the mv is terrible, the only thing that can be salvaged from this is the choreography, but besides that the whole thing feels sloppy, rushed and is also kinda cringey.

3. N.O. (2013)

⭐gp impact: no noise. this song was just a really weird pick for their first comeback when attack on bangtan or coffee was right there. not to be mean but no wonder they didn't have a music win this year. 

⭐production: it's an objectively bad song. it's just really underwhelming, the whole mixing feels amateur. it's not a good hiphop song and it's not a good vocal arrangement and the chorus is also a rip off of a late 90s American song I can't find right now 

⭐creative value: this song isn't innovative in any way, it's just..... there. very meh in general, I have nothing more to say about it 

⭐concept: the storyline kinda wants to go somewhere with the music video but it doesn't manage to make a connection. the styling is plain, simple and not flattering at all. it tries to make a protest of the Korean school system but it doesn't say anything beyond "school bad" which we already knew

2. Not Today (2017)

⭐gp impact: its a very middle of the list song for a lot of the fandom. I literally know of no one that claims this as their favorite mv/era/song. when you ask people about their least favorite bts songs they won't mention this one either, you know why? because it's that irrelevant. it had no music show wins either. it's precisely because of this why I put it so high up on the list. there's nothing worse than an unmemorable song, if it was widely hated then at least that would be a response. 

⭐production: it's a really mediocre song in terms of structure and melody. it tried to be hype but it falls short. the chorus feels half finished and the message of the song is just “the revolution has begun”? which okay? but it adds nothing to the You never walk alone album either.

⭐creative value: there is nothing exciting about this song, and the chorus is too grating. the rhythm is repetitive and nothing new either in kpop or pop in general. 

⭐concept: sadly there's not a lot to be said for the song. it says nothing of value and what it says falls flat. there's no innovation. you can actually see a lot of idol in this song, and also ON. those two songs are what this one tried to be but failed.

1. War of Hormone (2014)

⭐gp impact: thankfully none. this song got the treatment it deserved, if they had won a music show for this one it would feel tainted lol. now it's just a meme in the fandom but overall it made zero noise and contributed nothing to bts' evolution 

⭐production: the production is very lazy, which is odd because dark & wild has some pretty tight tracks. but this one is just meh, nothing outstanding and the melody is just annoying 

⭐creative value: this is a song that was probably born out of the desperation to have a gp friendly hit. it tries really hard to replicate an outdated idea of what boy bands should be, and it does it badly. simply put this song is very mediocre and misogynistic and the fact that it's a running gag in the fandom that "feminism isn't important when war of hormone comes on" isn't funny and it's actually cringe. please stop 

⭐concept: the styling is so ugly :( the mv is very low budget which isn't surprising but they managed to make more with less in past releases. it's just embarrassing and I wish this song didn't exist, there's a reason why they never play it anymore lol. overall a dark mistake in bts' career

[rigelmejo]

6/28 I DID A LOT

WOOH

WOOH

I talked in chinese today! For around a half hour!! AHHHHHHHH

ANYWAY

AHHHHHHH

IM SO HAPPY I WAS UNDERSTANDABLE AHHGGHGSIUSJAJEJDJEEJIE

So first of all I practiced with Google translate today beforehand (lol yes machine translate isn’t perfect). I clicked the app, clicked transcribe, spoke in chinese then saw if the English translation it was producing was close enough to what I was trying to mean to say. (Also I learned chinese transcribe will need to process for a few moments if you play Chinese audio like from a podcast because at first it will give you a sucky transcription lol and then correct itself). Anyway so I did that and quickly learned: Google translate WILL fucking think I am speaking sentences when I’ve only said a couple words of my sentence because I pause “too long” so when I tried thinking of tones or grammar I spoke too fucking slow for the app so BAM I had to speak faster for the app just to comprehend me. So I did not practice Thinking about how the fuck to say things right much, just how to recall words on a fucking speed time limit lol. So uh that was an experience. I’ll definitely say that my 学习普通话 app is way better for me actually practicing pronunciation with any success, because Google just will NOT tolerate me speaking slowly goddamn.

Anyway so then tonight I spoke with my language partner. Well

WELL

good news: I was understood, I was told I sound pretty standard and they can tell I maybe imitate some peoples phrases and words from shows I watch (which in this case is a compliment since they said weeks ago when I asked how they improved their standard mandarin accent for a speech competition that’s what They did and the kind of shadowing they suggested I try doing more for accent work).

My grammar and word choice was understandable (I KNOW I wasn’t perfect and there were fucking mistakes Especially just notable spots where I forgot common words and tried to talk Circles around those words to describe them since I know Enough words to kind of “explain around” and come up with a more word description of a simple word I forgot sometimes but fuck is it probably awkward to listen to. Like I forgot “back then/at that time” so I said “the time when I was in high school” or “in high school I..” just because I couldn’t say “that time” on the spot, also fucking I forgot how to say “also” and “or” in certain ways and just had to figure out a different way to make my point like “this is like that” or “not the same” ToT).

Anyway regardless it’s a real big accomplishment to me. Reasons being: 1. I’ve never talked in chinese that long straight or to someone else communicating, or telling stories about my life and asking questions and actually testing my fucking communication abilities past small talk. Even talking alone to myself it’s just phrases or small situations where if I forget a word I just stop, so this was huge for me. 2. I did not have time to think about tones period while talking today with my language partner so like being comprehensible is!!!! GREAT. Considering I tried speaking to a language partner simple common word tone pair examples or very simple small talk at 5 months into learning and remember being incomprehensible like 50% of the time. Versus me now a little under 2 years in so being able to simply not be constantly thinking about tones and still know I might be understood (and in this specific case was understood) is nice to know. 3. I did better at winging vocabulary and talking my way around words I didn’t know than i thought I could. 4. REALLY simply tone and grammar being comprehensible is blowing my mind on its own - I know there were many mistakes (I personally could hear my 3rd tone not always sounding right to my own ear, and know I heard a few grammar mistakes I heard after I’d made my point lol). But just being comprehensible enough for someone understand my points even if I made those mistakes was really cool. 5. I’m hoping this means all the things I’ve been doing lately: the Listening Reading, the watching shows with English subs this month while repeating some of the Chinese lines to myself, listening to audiobooks and repeating many of the lines to myself, and the weekly language exchange I’ve been doing, have all been helping to some degree. Improving production skills is not something I’ve tried studying before and so basically all that I’m doing is flailing around trying stuff and hoping something is useful. It’s nice to see something must be if I’ve managed this.

Anyway it was just very very cool to be understandable. ;-; At this time last year I was absolutely assuming it would take years to get even a little understandable. Also for now idk this proved to me to maybe just stick to shadowing for a while and Not specifically thinking of tones While actively speaking. For a while I thought of them actively which made me clearer and I think was important and helped, at this point currently I think sometimes i overthink and trying to speak from memory/more shadowing practice might help it become a bit more automatic? And then I can go back to some corrective work where I’m messing up specifically or haven’t internalized certain words/phrases tones maybe.

—

IN OTHER NEWS

today I ALSO played 4 hours of Kingdom Hearts II in Japanese WHICH WAS AN EXPERIENCE

AN EXPERIENCE IVE NEVER HAD BEFORE LIKE FUCKING THIS

So 1. EONS easier than last time I studied Japanese. For context at 2-2.5 years into studying Japanese I played the opening of KH2. I remember it was brutal, I used my phone constantly to look up words, but I got through like the opening portion to the first save point after the haunted mansion (so like is that day 2? Basically what’s usually .5-1 hour of play or less that took me a few hours back then). It was doable, kinda brutal, but also I have kh2 near to my heart so I could play it without reading when I felt drained. Now?? I had over a year break from Japanese study (maybe 2-3 years break idk). I reviewed Japanese in I think March-April 2021 this year. April/May to June (now) I’ve been studying some new material. The biggest new material being some more Nukemarine memrise decks, and Clozemaster as of this month. So like... this Eons of improvement is after a long ass gap of no study, a cram review, and some just beyond last-times-progress kind of new study. It is a HUGE difference to me in how it feels.

I did not use a dictionary at all this time. I did not play slow either, I read at a speed much more bearable, I comprehended most sentences totally (understanding words because of a mix of knowing most words, knowing the context for the words since I know KH2 WELL, knowing Hanzi from chinese, and thanks to Clozemaster of all things feeling a lot better/quicker with Japanese grammar comprehension), and a few sentences I knew the overall gist because of recognizing the Hanzi (tho they were being used in words that aren’t similar to Chinese), the grammar overall (the rough intention of the sentence), and knowing KH2 well enough to remember the main idea of th English sentence. So it was overall a much more pleasant, easygoing experience this time around playing! It was something where I COULD play 50 hours of Japanese KH2 now.

This kind of showed me some things: first that knowing a basis in chinese (for me) makes a huge difference. Kanji now make words easier for me to learn and guess. I can now recognize when some pronunciations are somewhat similar to Chinese words. I can recognize when some kanji are used to mean Different things from Chinese (since I know the English context too). I can also now actually Like and Appreciate that KH2 specifically uses kanji in some speech bubbles and scenes then hiragana for the same words at other times - it gives me a chance to use context to see both versions of the word and learn both the pronunciation and kanji a bit more. Now I have katakana English like words and kanji (in the sense of their similarities to Hanzi) and my basic grammar grasp to rely on to parse sentences which makes all of it much easier. For me chinese was just easier, and that’s now paying off also in making Japanese easier in some ways than it was before.

I also appreciate now why “prior context” and “comprehensible input” are encouraged so much. My effort level is comfortable and NOT draining, so I could’ve kept my playing for hours and I did not need a dictionary for new words because I had TONS of context. Part of this is KH2 being a game I know super well (so even back at year 2 it was doable if draining when no other video game probably would’ve been doable at all). So it makes sense now it would be the first comfortable feeling one. It is VERY comprehensible input for me, especially now with some of the Japanese improvements I’ve made.

Whereas I tried to play crisis core a month ago (doable but DRAINING in part because I knew the game so comprehensible but I didn’t HAVE the game remembered by heart like KH2 so I had to slow down to read everything slowly and figure out words much slower with no prior meaning in my head for many parts), and persona 3 (which was doable but DRAINING in part because I have little prior context compared to cc or KH2 and in part because it has so much reading). Also KH2 is easier to read than cc or persona 3 - kh2 is obviously meant for age 10+ and so the amount of text I’m required to read is shorter, a lot of conversational stuff and not layered (cc had a lot of technical paragraphs of directions for missions and persona is aimed at older teens and has much more like “think about it more long term” conversations which I struggle more to parse). Also just persona 3 has so much dialogue I started speed reading just to get to a save point which felt Draining. Whereas KH2 the reading is comfortable so I don’t read too slow, and so it doesn’t feel as draining since it’s not slow nor do I have to rush at lower comprehension to get through it - I can just read and comprehend everything as much as I can at a reasonably non draining pace.

Also I DO think Clozemaster (so kudos to u app) is actually helping noticeably. I’m doing Clozemaster Japanese by common word tracks (still in the 100 most common words sentences and almost done). I’ve been doing listening mode and then reading sentences after. I can TELL it’s helped me already with the following. I’m doing better at recognizing some grammar structure particles/words/conjugations in various forms and levels of politeness. I now have much less issue telling how to separate sentences into word/grammar functions - it makes everything just much easier to start being able to segment my sentences as I read so I can just pinpoint WHAT parts I know versus don’t know and what their rough function is (and since in KH2 I know the English lines usually it makes it way easier to guess what words mean roughly what English translation). I also read some manga during this past month that’s also helped with this skill. I noticed Clozemaster also is just helping with it a lot since in Clozemaster the politeness level varies and stuff so I’m forced to practice guessing and figuring it out more with Clozemaster sentences over and over. The listening mode has helped because I can tell that some of the most common words I can hear more instinctively now and read aloud at a more normal pace now. I still CLEARLY read over listening when the subtitles in KH2 are there if I don’t know a word, so my listening has HUNDREDS or likely thousands of hours to go (my Chinese is much much better). But I can already notice the sheer fact Clozemaster listening question mode is forcing me to 1 HEAR Japanese more (and I need like what 2000 hours listening) and 2 start recognizing more easily at least recognizing words I’ve learned when I hear them (whereas before I would struggle to hear certain words even if I’d studied just because I’d read-studied a lot but not actually heard much of those words much). Now this all isn’t a huge help with new words in KH2 since I’m learning to read them from the game but my listening isn’t picking them up or Parsing them well. But as far as IN Clozemaster: yes the constant audio word drilling is helping me recognize words by sound which is great since thanks to Chinese kanji recognition is now not intensely difficult, it’s the sound recognition and match up to spelling that’s now the major confusion for me. I mean grammar is also confusing.. and will take years... I do think Clozemaster forcing me to practice interpreting the grammar somewhat with nothing to help me is helping me at least feel less drained by the grammar. I used Clozemaster before for french and chinese at the stage between graded readers and actual native speaker material, and I think for Japanese it’s also Good for this purpose. Clozemaster is good for a lot of immersion-like sentence reading practice, with tools to make it easier like a translation and mostly words you know in each sentence. Making it a bit easier than just diving into the deep end into a random novel. I do think it helps with preparing you for less learner-tailored materials a bit while still being easier than native speaker materials so you can practice without feeling youre drowning.

anyway ahh. WOOH I PLAYED KH2 in japanese today!!! I HAD FUN

gonna do it some more.

kh2 is maybe THE original reason i started trying to learn japanese. its really fun playing it now.

—-

And finally, while I’m at it: I am ALMOST done with the Sundial arc in Guardian Listening Reading wise. I’m on chapter 17. I have like 2 days left so who knows maybe I can manage to finish the sundial arc we’ll see.

What I mostly did this month was Redo L-R chapter 1-12 with a second audiobook, read the novel print version up to chapter 12, read chapter 1-2 in the traditional print version, also read maybe 4 chapters of other random things, listened to audiobook files of stuff overall idk 20+ times while repeating after a lot of lines, did a small amount of Clozemaster chinese (mostly just Radio mode), did 30 min - 1 hour writing or speaking language exchange sessions once a week, and watch a bunch of Chinese shows with English subs this month while repeating after a lot of lines.

As you can tell my reading Amount lowered significantly since the past couple months. However, I think I’ve pushed up my listening amounts a little.

[jksmoongf]

Kissing Fire [pt. 12] *final*

Pairing: Jungkook x reader x girlfriend (oc) Genre: cheater!AU, angst, smut Wordcount: 16.7k Warning: smut, lies, heartbreak and more lies and maybe fluff if you squint

Summary: It always feels like there is only one person in the world to love. And then you find somebody else.

a/n: I don’t condone cheating on your s.o., so please don’t read if you have a problem with this! (also I’m not saying this is something Jungkook would actually do!) **a/n: It’s been a long time coming but it’s finally here and I really hope none of you are disappointed! As always, some feedback would be lovely! I wanna thank @struggleofarmy​ for always helping me, and encouraging me and sobbing with me through the long process of writing this chapter! Thank you D. - I love you!!! 💕💕💕 And I need to thank @jaxonah​ for her big brain and planning with me, literally, the entire fic ( y’all can thank her, bc Sammy inspired KF and without her, it would've never happened!) Thank you bby! I love you so much, you don't even understand!  💜💜💜

Warning chapter 12: crying (it’s an emotional rollercoaster or maybe just an angst-fest who knows), smut ( handjob (female/male receiving), minor tiddie play, grinding,  good ol’ vanilla sex with a surprise at the end, as always unprotected, but pls use protection ), profanities, fluff (you’ll need a magnifying glass to find it), Jk doing dumb irrational things (no spoilers on that tho) Song rec: Every Avenue - Between You and I (please listen to it, it’s beautiful and just reflects the entire fic so well. it really sets the tone for this last chapter.) 

Namjoon was hiding in his studio; hunched over, he cowered at his desk just tiredly scrolling through his favorite online clothing store. Distraction was his main priority at this point, he tried so hard to not overthink or go looking for more hateful comments that would send him into a downwards spiral. His face was hidden underneath the hood of his big comfy sweater, his eyes quickly scanned each item but ultimately deciding that he didn’t really like any of them enough to make a purchase. Whenever he stopped, his brain went into a frenzy the past few days, the exhaustion creeping up on him; he always thought he should have everything under control but the current situation proved him wrong. He felt powerless, not knowing how to handle all the negative articles that were being published in an abundance every hour. A weak knock made him flinch involuntarily, and when the door quietly opened bare feet waddling on the hardwood floor told him that he wasn’t alone anymore. “Hyung…” He knew the soft familiar voice all too well, but for reasons, he couldn’t explain goosebumps traveled down his back before he slowly spun around in his chair. The youngest was standing by the small wooden coffee table, dressed in all black as if he was mourning the death of a loved one and to a certain extent, Namjoon was sure, he was. He was mourning the loss of his relationship that had only just begun. “What’s up?” He had avoided being alone with the maknae; he didn’t quite know how to speak to him at this very moment in time. It was almost like an invisible barrier was separating them, making it awkward to even look him in the eyes. “I just wanted to talk to you…” “About what?” His heartbeat was quickening, Jungkook wasn’t a kid anymore but he still needed his older brothers, maybe now more than ever before. “You know…” He shuffled his feet, looking uncomfortable and out of place like he was about to change his mind and leave but he made his way around the table to sit down on the small couch. His eyes rested on him as he inhaled deeply to gain more time. “About everything that has been going on…I-I just want…” Without warning the younger boy bowed, averting his gaze to his knees. “I’m sorry, I really am.” “Jungkookie, don’t do that. You-“ The words got stuck in his throat, Namjoon knew how much it must have taken out of him to even come here and try to talk to him. Jungkook looked up to him, it wasn’t a secret that he had always had a big impact on the youngest member. But right now, the queasy feeling in Namjoon’s stomach made him feel like he failed not only as a role model but even worse, as a big brother. “No, I have to. I know, I disappointed you.” He wanted to object but couldn’t. As much as he blamed himself for what happened, he was disappointed in Jungkook and his reckless behavior. After all those years in the industry, he thought that all of them had a better understanding of how careful they had to be when it came to their privacy and personal lives. He wanted to chalk it up to Jungkook being young but he should’ve known better. 

“I hate to say it but you’re right.” A shaky breath left his lungs when he finally managed to speak, tearing down the wall that had kept all of his emotions and thoughts at bay. “I am disappointed in you. You know, I keep asking myself where it all went wrong…did we not teach you right from wrong? Did we, no - did I fail at teaching you that you need to be careful and that your personal life should never interfere with our job? Have you not learned anything from being in the industry for years? Why didn’t you think ahead? Why didn’t you delete those videos? Why did you even take them to begin with? Why didn’t you break up with your girlfriend before you started cheating on her? I have so many questions and I’m not even sure I want to know the answers because I’m afraid that it will hurt and cause more pain. You’re still my little brother but I’m questioning everything these days - I feel like I’ve failed you in so many ways.”

Jungkook swallowed the lump in his throat; he didn’t know how or where to start with explaining himself. Did Namjoon even want to hear what he had to say? Would he even believe him? 

The palms of his hands were clammy as he folded them together to keep them from shaking. “Hyung, you didn’t fail just because I make mistakes. Please don’t blame yourself for something that I did…” He didn’t want to cry but the tears were already prodding at the corners of his eyes. All of them were mad at him and disappointed, it wasn’t just his image that was ruined, he tarnished the group's image forever with his stupidity. The voice inside his head that had been fairly quiet was getting louder with every second that passed - his heart hurt that he didn’t think far enough ahead to know that what they had been doing was reckless and could cause so much trouble and harm but alas, he knew that you’re always smarter looking back on your previous actions. 

“I do think I am at least partially to blame. I know, I have been busy and I wasn’t always there for you when you needed me for guidance but a part of me was hoping that you would make the right decisions regardless…I don’t want to lecture you, I don’t want to act like I can tell you what to do, Jungkook but I do feel responsible for you and your actions.” He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees as his fingers intertwined with each other, his nails pressing into the delicate skin on his knuckles. “I don’t condone that you cheated on Yina and lied to all of us for so long but I do understand that you fell out of love and fell in love with someone else. It hurts that you didn’t think you could trust any of us enough to tell us or come to us for advice. We’re a family, yes, we will tell you the truth when you fuck up but we will always be here for you, we always have each other’s backs. I really thought you would have stopped for a moment to think of the consequences it could have when you took those videos but I guess, I expected too much from you. You’re only 22 years old and you are allowed to make mistakes but I just can’t help but think that somewhere along the way I messed up when you needed me.” Namjoon blinked when he saw a few stray tears rolling down Jungkook’s puffy cheeks; he didn’t want his words to hurt him but he needed to get them off his chest and if he didn’t do it now, he would probably never get a second chance. “You really didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t even know why I did most of those things. I know, I knew better even back then.” His hand automatically slid into the pocket of his hoodie to wrap around the white gold bangle, he had been carrying around ever since she gave it back to him two nights ago. “I know, I should’ve come to you, but at first I thought I just had a silly crush on y/n and it wasn’t even worth mentioning. I thought it would fade away over time but it didn’t, it only got stronger and I was too weak to fight my feelings and when we got into this web of sneaking around and lying, I just couldn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me because… I-I look up to you so much, what you think of me matters to me and seeing that look of disappointment on your face…I never wanted to see that…” He croaked, trying to dim the tears flowing down his face with his sleeve. “I just wanted all of you to be proud of me, especially you, hyung but I knew that once you found out about what I did, you would be ashamed so I kept it a secret.” It felt like someone was standing on his chest, making it harder to breathe with every word he spoke.

The countless times Namjoon had seen Jungkook cry before never hurt as much as it did now; he was breaking down in front of him. Tears spilling from the big brown eyes with no sign of stopping; he wanted to get up and comfort him but he couldn’t move, it was almost like he was glued to his chair; forced to endure the punishment of seeing the youngest falling apart. “Why did you take those videos and for goodness sake why didn’t you delete them right after?” “I don’t know, it was the only thing we had when we couldn’t be together. After y/n had taken the first video…it was exciting, I liked watching it back and I’m so stupid for not thinking that it could get me in trouble.” The pressure inside his head was building up rapidly as the tears just kept coming, making his vision blurry. “We were so caught up in our little bubble of lying that we thought we were safe. We had minor scares here and there but nobody ever caught us so it never crossed my mind that somebody might get a hold of those videos after we managed to keep us a secret for so many months.” 

The older one took the inside of his cheek between his teeth, index finger tapping on his lips. “When I think back to all the excuses you made to leave with her, or how many times I saw you two leaving rooms at the company, I never would’ve thought that you were capable of doing what you did…”

“I was selfish, I put myself first to get what I want. I couldn’t bear the thought of breaking Yina’s heart and I felt horrible but I hurt her in so many ways and I know she will never forgive me and now I’m paying the price for what I’ve put her through.” His quivering lips pressed together tightly as Jungkook tried to stay in control of his body that was flooding with all the things he didn’t want to feel. “Y/n broke up with me…” He finally pulled the bracelet from his pocket, closing his eyes as his fingers traced the metal, wishing he could melt it to fix the cracks in his heart. “I deserve it, I don’t get to be happy after what I did and if I could turn back time and do the right thing - I would but I can’t. I deserve all the mean comments people are making about me, and they would rip me to shreds if they knew the whole story.” “You’ll have to forgive yourself; every day you’re growing and learning more. Next time you won’t make the same mistake again.” “How am I supposed to forgive myself when everyone hates me? Especially you guys…I can see it when you look at me, how disappointed and disgusted you are. You’re trying to be nice because we’re family but I broke your trust and I don’t even know how to fix things with Tae. He won’t even look at me, it’s like I don’t exist. I feel so lost, I want to fix everything but how do I do that? How do I get all of you to trust me again? How do I get Taehyung to forgive me? How do I make all the mean things people are saying go away? How do I get y/n back? I miss her.” In order to suppress a sob, he sunk his teeth into the soft flesh of his bottom lip - replacing the painful contractions of his heart with a stinging feeling that would soon subside.   A sigh escaped Namjoon’s lips before he rubbed his face with both of his hands. “I honestly wish I had the answers to all your questions but I think you need to focus on yourself right now. Be open and honest, not only with yourself but with the other members and you’ll see they’ll learn to trust you again. As for Taehyung, he needs time and you’ll just have to wait it out until he is ready to talk to you.” “W-wouldn’t it be easier if I just left the group? I don’t want to drag you down with me more than I already have.” He chuckled at the ridiculousness of the youngest statement. “Jungkookie, no! It’s either sink or swim and right now is the time to swim to stay afloat. You’ll have to fight to make things right again but you can come back from this. Right now it seems like you won’t; like it is the end of the world but you can and you will come out of this stronger.” Jungkook looked up and for the first time in days, he locked eyes with the leader. “It’s a little too late now, I know, but what would you do if you were in my shoes, hyung?”  Namjoon took a deep breath; he wasn’t sure if Jungkook would like his answer or not but after thinking about the options, he came to the conclusion that there was only one thing that would calm down the raging fans and the rest of the public who seemed to care too much about celebrity gossip. “If I were in your shoes, I would make a public apology. Get in front of the camera and own your mistake. Promise them that you’ll do better in the future. It will be a lot easier than hiding and waiting it out until they find a new scandal to bad-mouth somebody else.” Jungkook nodded, Namjoon only had his best interest at heart but the thought of having to stand in front of the cameras and owning up to his mistake scared him to death. What if they attacked him like starving animals? What if he messed up again and he would have to flee the country so they wouldn’t be able to lapidate him?

* After buttoning up her jacket, she looked in the small mirror on the wall - shocked to see that the concealer she had put on before work, had lost its power, making her look like she was ready to star in a zombie movie in a just a matter of hours. Sleep wasn’t easy to find; her thoughts always circling in around Jungkook and how much she missed him, missed his voice and his touch. She knew, she would be feeling like this for a while, yet she didn’t know how draining it would be. Of all the boyfriends she had been with before, none of them had anchored themselves inside her heart, unlike Jungkook who seemed to have superglued himself in place and there was no way to rip him out like an unwanted parasite. But maybe she was the parasite who poisoned his life and ruined his career; maybe all those girls were right when they said that she was the one to blame - that she was standing in the way of his future as if she hadn’t done enough damage already. No matter how badly she wanted to believe that their love was real, maybe it wasn’t. He was too good for her and she began to feel like she should just go back home to get as much space between them as possible - just in case their paths would cross again and she would get another chance at ruining his life. Shaking her head to banish the bad thoughts, a small smile tugged at her lips. Ha-na had told her not to read what people were saying online but she was weak and some girls made excellent points, she wasn’t pretty enough for Jungkook and maybe she should be pushed down the stairs because nobody would miss her anyway, especially not Jungkook. “Y/n, don’t forget to take home your new blouses.” Byungchul called as he passed by the staff room, stopping in his tracks. “I won’t.” She bowed to her boss. “What are you still doing here anyway?” He cocked an eyebrow, eyeing her suspiciously. He had told her to go home a while ago but she couldn’t bring herself to leave because if she did, she would have to be alone in her head and work was the only distraction she had. “I-I…I’m leaving now.” “Good, go home and get some rest, you look tired.” “I will.” She smiled weakly as she shouldered her bag and grabbed the little bundle of neatly folded white blouses. When she stepped outside, the cold air immediately filled her lungs and clearing her head momentarily. It would take her a lot longer to walk home but it was better than being crammed into the metro with people and even worse, maybe hearing his name somewhere that would send her into a downwards spiral of hurt and guilt. Her legs felt heavy as she dragged them over the concrete, the other people around her seemed to not have a care in the world. Everyone looked so happy, especially the couple in front of her holding hands. It wasn’t that she didn’t want others to be happy but the simple fact that Jungkook and her had never got to do just that, brought tears to her eyes. It all ended too quickly - if only they could have had one more perfect day together. 

The hard sounding footsteps of someone running echoed loudly in the store lined street but when she turned around, she only saw people walking alongside her, some of them even turned their heads to make out where it was coming from. “You’re in the way.” A girl brushed past her, bumping into her arm. “I’m sorry.” She bowed her head slightly, deciding that she probably had just been in her head too much and it had just been a figment of her imagination when suddenly someone ripped the bundle from her hand and ran down the street. It took her a moment to wrap her head around what just happened before her instincts kicked in and she hurried after the person in the black jacket. “Hey! Stop!” Her voice was weak, but to her surprise, her legs moved a lot faster than she had anticipated and she never lost sight of them, even with all those strangers around who’s faces were just a blur.

The person made a right turn into a smaller street off the side and when she finally turned the corner, she stopped in her tracks. The bundle had been ripped apart and the crisp white blouses were lying on the dirty street. Dropping her bag on the floor, she scurried to pick them up, trying to prevent them from getting ruined when someone yanked her ponytail. * Ha-na was sitting on the comfy sofa in the living room, Taehyung was resting his head on her shoulder while he busied himself on his Nintendo Switch. She was glad that he tried to distract himself and finally came out of his room, at least for a few hours, although he wasn’t speaking much to anyone that wasn’t her or his best friend. Jimin was mindlessly scrolling on his phone, the hood of his sweater pulled down deep to cover most of his face while the youngest was sitting on the floor next to him staring blankly at the tv just like the rest of the members. The atmosphere felt dense, everyone was just waiting for Sejin to come back to the dorms - he had texted Namjoon earlier that they had finally gotten a lead on who had leaked the videos. Ha-na still felt bad about everything that had happened, she had only wanted for Jungkook to do the right thing and everything just got out of hand. Her eyes rested on the bracelet he was holding, his fingers clinging onto the metal so tightly that the blood flow was low and his hand was shaking ever so slightly. When Jin had jokingly tried to take it away from him earlier, Jungkook had almost started throwing a tantrum. Would things ever go back to normal again? Going against everything she had told the others, it had become part of her routine to check any social media and news outlets for articles. She hated seeing that everyone seemed to have an opinion on Jungkook and y/n and spreading false rumors and lies that made everything worse. She was glad though that neither her boyfriend nor the youngest went online to see what people were saying, it would only put more strain on their already broken friendship. For once there had been no new publications but twitter was chaotic as always when she stumbled upon a tweet from a fan that caught her attention, linking to a video. ‘The bitch got what she deserved!’ Hesitantly Ha-na clicked on it, the quality was shaky and someone was breathing heavily and running while filming the street when loud voices could be heard in the near distance. “Oh my god! No.” She covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes focused on the screen. She wanted to look away, yet she couldn’t despite being repulsed by what she saw. “What’s up?” Taehyung sat up, trying to get a glimpse of what she was watching. “Nothing…” Not managing to lock her screen in time before he had already snatched it from her hand. The pure expression of shock on his face sent shivers down her body - she didn’t want him to see it, it would hurt him so much. He mumbled something, the others’ attention now on him as his eyes grew wider by the second. “What is it?” Jimin scooted over to his best friend to see what he was looking at. “Y/n…” In the blink of an eye, everyone had gathered around them, watching how a group of girls was pulling her hair, slapping her and calling her names, while she was on the ground trying to cover her face, pleading with them to leave her alone. The video wasn’t long, and after watching it a second time, Taehyung quickly dropped the phone and got up, hurrying to the small bathroom. Carefully her eyes wandered to Jungkook, his whole body was shaking and tears were streaming down his cheeks. Ha-na wasn’t sure how he was feeling; was he hurt, angry, disappointed or sad? His face showed no emotion, simply staring into nothingness, yet she knew there was a storm brewing inside of him. Seeing faceless comments through a screen was bad but actually hearing the words ‘you ruined his career, kill yourself’ coming from someone made her feel sick to her stomach. “That was…wow…” Hoseok breathed out, before rubbing his eyes in disbelief. “We have to do something, we can’t just let this happen.” “I’m going to see if she’s okay!” Jungkook grabbed his hoodie, ready to head for the door when Jimin quickly hopped over the back of the couch to stand in his way. “You can’t do that, you’ll get in trouble. You know, y/n wouldn’t want that. I’m sure, she’s fine.” He grabbed Jungkook’s arm, stopping him from pushing past him. “How can you say that? Those girls hit her because of me! I know her better than any of you, I know she’s not okay, I can feel it.” He tried wrenching his arm from Jimin’s grasp. “Hyung, get out of the way.” It was a weak warning, his voice getting caught in his throat. “Jungkook-ah, sit down.” Namjoon finally spoke up. “We can text or call her but you’re not allowed to leave the apartment without supervision so calm down.” The youngest caved in under the stern look on their leader’s face and slumped down on the couch, burying his face in his hands. “They say, she ruined my career but do they not know how much it would hurt me when they hurt her?” The eldest gently wrapped his arm around his shoulder. “I don’t think they were thinking that far ahead, they wanted to protect you-” Jungkook scoffed. “Protect me? From what exactly? From the girl I love?” “Or protect your career? You worked so hard and they didn’t want it to be in vain?” “But that doesn’t justify their actions, they could’ve seriously hurt her.” Yoongi murmured while nibbling on his thumb. “They covered their faces like cowards.” Jungkook’s brows furrowed as Taehyung’s voice came from the bathroom. “We have to tell someone who can do something.” 

“Already sent the link to the managers.” Namjoon reassured the youngest members. “And I texted her, she says she’s okay and at home and doesn’t want you to worry, Kook.” Ha-na tried to cheer him up with a weak smile but he didn’t reciprocate it, he just gently pressed the white gold bangle to his lips. “She’s lying so I don’t worry about her…” With a drawn-out sigh, he let his head fall back; the pressure in his chest was almost too much for him to bear. He wanted to do something, he wanted all of this to stop so they could go back to being together. There had to be a way and he was determined to find it. * “I’m very sorry, I won’t disappoint you again.” Jungkook finished, looking up at Jimin in the mirror. “How was that?” “It was good. You’ll do just fine.” A forced smile spread on his face, trying to encourage the youngest while he was practicing his apology that was scheduled for this afternoon. “You think? I mean, management approved it but does it sound… sincere? I don’t want to sound like I rehearsed it.” The older boy nodded. “Jungkookie, don’t worry so much! It will be okay.” “Okay, I trust you. You’re right! I can do this.” He looked down on his script. Jimin carefully eyed him, he still looked miserable but maybe this would encourage people to finally back off and drop the story. Taking a deep breath, he plugged the power cord into the wall socket next to the table. “Are you sure, you still want me to do this? You know, you really don’t have to!” “Yes, just do it. Get it over with.”

With shaking hands Jimin picked up the small black machine, turning it on with his thumb. “Where do you want me to start? On the side, so you can hide it in case you change your mind?” “Do whatever you want, I’m not going to look until you’re done.” Jungkook closed his eyes, silently mouthing the words of the script that was resting on his knees. The buzzing noise seemed to amplify in Jimin’s ears; he had promised to support Jungkook and to help him but now that he was actually going through with it, his mind fogged up with doubts. This was a stupid idea, nobody had asked for this gesture from him but he wanted to do it anyway - he wanted the fans to know that he was sorry for his actions. So now they were hiding in the youngest bedroom, just two hours before he was supposed to stand outside the company building and deliver a heartfelt apology to the public. An apology that Jimin thought was uncalled for; neither Jungkook nor y/n had leaked those videos on purpose, they weren’t to blame but the public’s opinion was different - they demanded a statement, an apology for causing such an uproar and breaking people’s trust. But as much as he hated how everything went down, Jimin still wanted his baby brother to be happy; he deserved to be happy and perhaps this was this only way of getting a tiny piece of happiness back. His eyes looked so - lifeless, that he almost couldn’t bear to see Jungkook like this any longer. His eyes scanned the blades moving at a rapid pace when he slowly raised his arm and held it to Jungkook’s hairline. “Are you still sure you want me to do this?” He asked again, making sure Jungkook really wanted this. “Hyung, yes!” He said firmly, as Jimin carefully cut off the first lock of raven hair, watching as it fell to the floor, followed by many more. It pained him to cut Jungkook’s hair short, only a few millimeters of it still covering his scalp. “I’m all done.” He announced, turning off the razor and putting it back down. “You can look now.” Nervously, he watched Jungkook’s eyes flutter open, fixating on his reflection in the mirror. His expression was blank as he ran his hand through what was left of his hair. Jimin wasn’t sure but he could’ve sworn for a millisecond he saw tears glistening in his eyes. “It’s not too bad, right?” “Yeah, it really brings out your eyes and it will grow back in no time, you’ll see.” He patted Jungkook’s shoulders, letting his fingers dig into his shirt for a brief moment. “And there’s always wigs or hats if you hate it later.” The younger boy chuckled. “I should get cleaned up.” “I’ll help you pick out an outfit if you want.” Jimin offered as Jungkook headed for the bathroom. “Thank you.” Jimin sat on the edge of the bed, letting his eyes wander around the room - not much had changed, apart from the box by the closet door that had y/n’s things in them that Jungkook couldn’t get rid off; a few clothes, a bottle of perfume and a few letters tied together with a ribbon.  Only now he had noticed that over the past months, he had not really been in here spending time with his little brother like they used to, playing video games or watching movies on his projector but knowing what had happened in here - it left a feeling of uncertainty floating in his stomach. Of course, he knew now that Jungkook had been hiding y/n in here a lot, trying to keep the secret well hidden from the other members. But Jimin couldn’t help but think that he had started to slip through their fingers a long time ago. Back in the day, they would’ve known immediately if something was wrong but ever since Jungkook had gotten older, he had developed a tendency to lock himself in his room whenever he could and if there was no schedule then he wouldn’t leave it for days. Jimin made a pact with himself - when all of this was over, he was going to make sure Jungkook was okay, that he would force him to come out of his room and go outside with him; it just didn’t feel right to leave him be, he needed to know that they all still wanted to spend time with him and that they would always be by his side, no matter what. * Jungkook was nervously hopping from one foot to the other as he was standing behind a screen waiting his turn while someone from the PR team was outside the company building, dealing with the press. He was used to all the flashing lights of the cameras and microphones being shoved in his face but this felt different - he was alone, his brothers weren’t by his side for moral support. His fingers wrapped around the bangle in the pocket of his blazer; for some reason, it comforted him. Although she had given it back to him, it was the only thing that kept the tiny spark of hope ignited in his chest. “We have found out that our artist’s private account was hacked by a third party, we are taking legal action against the hacker who invaded his privacy and we ask you to respect everybody’s privacy regarding the issue.” Jungkook’s ears picked up a few things here and there but his mind was preoccupied with the task at hand as his stomach churned. He wanted to throw up and run away; far, far away from all the people eagerly awaiting his apology but his legs felt like jello. [Jimin - 1:42pm] You’ll be okay! Just take deep breaths, it will be over before you know it! A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth when he read his brother’s message. Sometimes he really needed the encouragement from them; without them, he was lost. Sejin stuffed his own phone back into his pocket and nodded his head. “Are you ready?” “As ready as I’ll ever be…” He mumbled, as two of the other managers and a few security guards surrounded him. “Just stick to the script and you’ll do just fine. You don’t have to answer any questions. Just apologize and we’ll head back home right after.” Sejin gently rested his hand on Jungkook’s back. “I’ll be by your side the whole time.” Jungkook sunk his teeth into his lip balm coated bottom lip, as his legs involuntarily started moving with people around him. The glass door opened and the sea of flashes drowned out the sheer amount of people in the street. His heart was pounding against his ribs, as he walked up to the microphone stand. As the whispers died down, he could feel his throat closing up and his mouth felt as dry as the Sahara Desert. Eyes wandering over the blurry faces, his breathing became labored. He couldn’t do it, he just couldn’t get a word out. Maybe he should have had a sip of alcohol to calm his nerves but it was too late. In a knee-jerk reaction to buy more time, he pulled his cap off, revealing his buzzed off hair and bowing down as deep as he could as gasps echoed in his ears, mixed with girls calling his name. “Jungkook..” His manager’s voice was very close to him. “Say something…” In slow-motion he lifted his upper body, carefully scanning the crowd when his eyes found her face - he knew she wasn’t there and that his mind was playing tricks on him but it was the small push he needed to find his voice. He was doing this for her, he wanted people to just leave her alone. She didn’t deserve any of this, she didn’t deserve to be attacked online and especially not getting beat up by fans in an alley at night. The stinging pain in his chest subsided when he finally cleared his throat and found his voice again. “Thank you for taking the time out of your day to be here.” He paused, bowing his head again, trying to remember his lines but the memory of them got blurry, they were escaping him too quickly as he tried to hold onto them. “I-I just want to say, I’m very sorry for my actions. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I let down so many people with my reckless and shameful behavior.” His shaking fingers gripped on to the wooden stand of the mic for some support; Sejin’s hand calmly rested on his shoulder while the pressure it was executing felt like a ton of bricks was coming down on him as if Jungkook was about to run away and needed a reminder to stay still. “I’m so sorry to everyone and especially the fans who had to see me like this. I know, I broke your trust and disappointed all of you. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me in the future and I promise to never let you down again. Army, you’re always on my mind and it really hurts me to have hurt so many of you with what I have done. Please forgive me.” After delivering his lines, he exhaled shakily; his face felt like it was on fire. “I won’t disappoint you again, I’m sorry.” The crowd was silently watching him, eagerly waiting for him to say something else as his mouth opened and closed without making a sound. “Let’s go, PR will do the rest.” His manager muttered, his hand scooting to Jungkook’s elbow to get him to turn around and go back inside. “One more thing…” Jungkook took a step forward again. “Please, leave her alone. We’re not seeing each other anymore. I-I… all I ask of you is to just leave her alone, please. She’s not in my life anymore…” He trailed off, his lips felt tense as he tried to hold it together. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled more to himself, slowly sinking to his knees on the pavement to bow one last time. The clicking of the cameras was overwhelming his senses, it almost felt like he wasn’t really inside his body anymore when he felt hands holding onto his arms and pulling him to his feet. Not needing much force, he wrenched his right arm free, hiding his tear-stained face in the crook of his elbow. “Come on…” Sejin’s voice was close to his ear as he let him guide him back inside, unsure of whether he did good or not but as soon as doors closed, the babel of alarmed voiced told him that he had gone too far. “What were you thinking going off script? Do you know how bad this could’ve been! We told you to stick to the script. Oh god…” The head of the PR team gestured wildly in front of his face. “I don’t know if we can fix this…Jungkook why do you always have to cause so much trouble?” She puffed up her cheeks before letting out a disappointed grunt. “I’m sorry.” He fixated his eyes on the ground. “It’s just…some fans attacked y/n and I-I just wanted to protect her. I wanted the fans to leave her alone. They should take their anger out on me and not on her.” He felt the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes again, immediately trying to dry them with a tissue. “He didn’t say anything bad. He just asked them to leave her alone, it’s not a big deal.” Sejin interrupted before Hyejin could scold him some more. “I’ll take him home now.” Gently he nudged the raven-haired boy towards the elevator that would take them to the car. “Do you think I did the wrong thing?” Jungkook mumbled as he sunk deeper into the passenger seat, avoiding his manager’s gaze at all costs. “I mean it’s not ideal but it’s okay. I understand why you did it…” He trailed off, averting his attention to the road until they stopped at a red light. “I saw what they did to her, so I understand that you want to do something to protect her. If you want, I’ll request security for her until it all blows over.” Jungkook shook his head, still not used to not feeling his bangs brush against his forehead whenever he moved or touched his head. “I don’t think she would like that but I’ll have Ha-na ask her.” * Jungkook was sitting cross-legged on his bed, his back resting against the headboard, emptily staring at his laptop where he had put on a let’s play to keep his brain and body from going stir-crazy. “Jungkookie?” Hoseok opened the door, sticking his head inside his room. “I thought, maybe you wanted something to eat? You haven’t had anything all day.” The older one came in, closing the door behind him before proceeding to sit on the foot of the bed. Carefully he placed the plate on the mattress between them, pulling a can of coke from the pocket of his hoodie. “Did you make that?” Jungkook eyed the sandwich from all angles, lifting the plate up to eye level. “Jin hyung helped me, he said I was stacking the ingredients in the wrong order.” The older one rolled his eyes before a smile spread on his face. “But I think there’s no wrong order, it’ll taste the same no matter what.” He winked, opening the can, and placing it on the nightstand. Jungkook chuckled. “You’re right.” He wasn’t particularly hungry but since his brother had been so kind as to make him something to eat, he eagerly took a bite. “Delicious.” He pressed out while chewing the bread. “Good, I’m glad you like it.” Hoseok reached out to pat his head but Jungkook pulled away immediately - he felt self-conscious, even more so after getting scolded by his hyungs for cutting his hair short. Not wanting to admit that he had lost some of his confidence with each strand that had been cut off - but maybe that was what he deserved, after putting everyone around him through so much. For a while they just sat on his bed, Hoseok watching him devour the food and sipping on the sugary beverage - neither of them saying a word but the silence didn’t feel as uncomfortable as it did just days ago, at least to the older one it didn’t. “Jungkookie, listen…” With wide eyes, he stared at Hobi when he finally spoke. “I didn’t just come here to bring you food, I actually wanted to say something.” “Okay?” Anxiety was making his chest feel tight; instantly regretting eating the sandwich as he was about to throw it back up. He didn’t need to get scolded again, he didn’t want to hear yet again what a terrible person he was and that he couldn’t do anything right these days. “I just wanted to, you know, tell you that we’re okay.” Almost choking on his own saliva, Jungkook cleared his throat. “We’re okay?” He repeated dumbfounded. “Yes, we are. I know, I wasn’t really supportive and judgmental at first but I just didn’t know what to think or how to handle the situation. I hope you understand where I’m coming from… I had to sort through my thoughts and came to the conclusion that I was just worried about you and our career. You are like family to me, JK; I want what’s best for you and I know, you’re probably mad at me too but I’m here for you now.”  “I was never mad at you.” He mumbled, averting his gaze to white bedding between them. “I know I disappointed all of you. I never wanted you to find out what I did, especially not like this.” “I know that but let’s just put in the past, okay?” Hoseok carefully placed his hand on Jungkook’s knee. “You’re going through so much right now and I just want to be here for you and help you. It really hurts to see you so sad all the time.” A weak smile tugged at his lips. “I’m going to be okay, you don’t have to worry.” “I worry about you all the time, we all do. So please, Jungkookie, if you need to talk to someone, we’re all here for you, you know that right?” “Hyung, I know that.” 

* Jimin knocked on the door, a short knock followed by two quick ones - their not so secret sign that it was either one of them before he entered the youngest room, who was busy pulling out clothes from his closet and throwing them on the floor. 

“Is that what you wanted help with? Sorting out your clothes?” Jimin mused, trying to find a free piece of flooring for him to step closer to Jungkook. “Hyung, no…I-” He gasped, practically ripping a hoodie from a hanger. “I have a plan, and I need your help.” “A plan? A plan that involves donating clothes to charity?” “No…” Jungkook held two identical-looking black hoodies up. “I’m going to see y/n.” “WHAT?” Jimin’s eyes grew wide, the sheer panic was straining his voice. “You’re not allowed to do that, you will get into trouble.” “I know but I don’t care. I just want to see her and I’m not going to wait any longer.” “And how do you plan on doing that, huh? We still have security around and last time I checked, the press is still waiting outside.” “That’s where you’ll come in…” There was a dangerous twinkle in Jungkook’s eyes that could only mean trouble but Jimin was more than intrigued and willing to help. “Do you want me to call you a taxi? Because I have my phone right here.” “No, you’ll help me sneak past security and the press, I’ll take care of the rest.” “I will need more details…” “Go get your black sweat pants and Vans, I’ll explain it to you when you get back here.” Jimin was confused, but he blindly followed the instructions as he quickly walked back to his room. For once happy that Hoseok was so adamant about his skincare routine that he had the room to himself for a bit. “What are you doing? I saw you sneaking into Jk’s room.” A deep voice made him spin around on his heels. Taehyung was walking towards him, his arms crossed in front of his chest. “I’m just helping him with something.” “With what?” “I can’t tell you.” Immediately he regretted saying those words to his best friend, who looked so hurt that his lips pursed trying to hide his dismay. “Okay, fine, I’ll tell you but you have to promise me that you won’t tell a soul what we’re doing.” “Promise.” He held up his pinky, so Jimin could wrap his own around it. “Stamp it.” They said in unison when they twisted their hands so the pads of their thumbs could meet. “We’re trying to sneak Jk out of here so he can go check on y/n.” “What?” Taehyung whisper yelled.  “Yeah, please don’t tell anyone.” “I won’t.” Taehyung locked eyes with him. “I will help you.” “What?” Jimin was confused, Taehyung was still mad at them, why was he now offering to help Jungkook? “Yes, I want to know if she’s okay too…” He muttered, his cheeks turning pink. “Ever since I saw what happened to her, I’ve been worried sick. I know she loves Jungkook and she probably wants to see him too…so I’m going to help him.” An overwhelming feeling spread in Jimin’s chest, although Taehyung was so deeply hurt by what they had done, he still loved them; putting aside his own hurt to help his friends. Jimin felt his eyes tearing up, quickly wiping them with his sleeve. “I’m sure, Jungkookie will appreciate your help, Taetae.” He ruffled the younger one's hair. “You’ll need black sweats and a matching hoodie, so go grab them.” Tae nodded, hurrying back to his room to grab his clothes. A small part of Jimin was unsure whether Jungkook would approve of this but for the time being, he was just glad that Taehyung was coming around; it was the first step to mending the broken friendships. They stood in front of the mirror, the three of them wearing matching black outfits, a black mask to cover half their faces and the hoods pulled deep down their foreheads. “I think this will work, it’s dark outside if we move fast, they won’t notice a difference.” Taehyung muttered, adjusting his mask once again. “Jungkook-ah, don’t do anything stupid. If it’s too risky, we will find another way, okay?” “Sure, yeah.” He lied, not an ounce of his body was going to give up on seeing her tonight. Every nerve inside of him was missing her, he couldn’t wait - each minute that passed felt like torture. He was losing her, she was getting further and further away from him and there was nothing he could do - it was like he was trying to catch smoke with his bare hands. “Then let’s go.” Jimin clapped his hands together and they quietly walked out into the hallway, trying not to make a sound. Jimin knew that this idea was stupid beyond belief and he didn’t quite understand why he was participating in it but helping Jungkook was more important, they could deal with the repercussions later, together.  “Where do you think you’re going?” Jin’s voice made the three boys flinch when he turned on the light. “Why are you dressed like that?” “We…uhm…” Jimin tried to come up with a white lie but his brain was slowing down.  “I’m going to see y/n!” Jungkook said bluntly. “And they’re helping me.” 

Jimin quickly rammed his elbow into the youngest ribs to shut him up but it was too late. They would now have to go back to their rooms without even the slightest chance of leaving the building. “I’m appalled.” The eldest clicked his tongue. “There’s no way for you to get past security, especially for you Jungkook.” “We’ll find a way. We have to.” He stuttered, not having an idea of how to even leave the apartment without having to face the guard outside. “You should’ve just come to me earlier.” “What?” “I’ll help you. Wait by the door, you’ll know when the time is right.” Jin winked at them, before grabbing his car keys from the sideboard and leaving the apartment. Taehyung quickly grabbed the door-handle, making sure it didn’t close and they could listen to what was going on. “I just need to grab something from my car, I’ll be right back.” “Alright, sir.” The stern security guard said, not moving an inch from his chair. “How is that supposed to help us get out?” Jungkook rolled his eyes, he was getting antsy waiting for something to happen. The others shrugged, pressing their ears to the door, focusing on any sign from the oldest member. Only a few minutes later, Jin’s panicked voice suddenly echoed through the hallway. “You need to go down to the parking garage. I saw some people down there sneaking around.” “What?” “Yes, I think they’re trying to get access to the building.” A lot of rustling was making it difficult for them to understand what was going on but soon Jin pulled the door open. “Go.” He whispered. “They should be distracted for a while.” “Thank you.” Jungkook mouthed, as he hurried towards the stairs, following the older boys as they sprinted down to the exit. For once, luck was on their side and they soon stood underneath the trees, hiding in complete darkness. “How are we going to do this now?” Taehyung was trying to catch his breath, his hand pressing into his side where he felt a sting. His heart was racing and his breathing was labored, the adrenaline rush was making him feel lightheaded. Jungkook exhaled. “You go out first, make sure they see you. You’ll have to move quickly and then Jimin will do the same and if the timing’s right, I’ll go.” “Do you think that will work?” Jimin questioned, still not convinced that the plan was well thought out. “I don’t know, we will see, I guess.” They quickly moved to the exit, where the press was still gathered at this hour. Quietly they hid behind a wall, giving them the perfect view of their playing field. Jungkook watched how Taehyung pulled the hood deep down his face, speed walking on the right side to sneak away behind the spectators but they easily spotted him, almost attacking him with microphones and cameras. “Jimin-ah, go.” He nodded, making sure the mask was covering his mouth before he ran out on the left side, making the paparazzi almost break their necks. “That’s him! That’s him!” A woman screeched and they collectively hurried after Jimin, who was running like the devil himself was chasing him down the street. Taehyung was leaning against the wall, waving his hand by his side of his body and that was all Jungkook needed to sprint past him as fast as he could. There was no time to thank his brothers, he would do that later, now he had to focus on running and getting enough distance between him and all those people. He didn’t care that the cold air was making his eyes water, he didn’t care that his legs were starting to feel weak; he had to keep going; repeating her name over and over in his head. A loud banging on the door made her sit up straight in her bed, her body involuntarily started shaking right away. Did they find out where she lived? Did they follow her home? She wasn’t quite sure if she really heard someone calling her name, or if she was imagining it as she slowly got up and quietly walked towards the door. “Y/n open the door, please.” She recognized his voice instantly, her fingers wrapping tightly around the handle before pressing it down; she had no strength left in her to fight the need to see his face. “Kookie, what are you…” Without a word, he stepped inside closing the door with his foot before wrapping his arms around her to hide his face in the crook of her neck. Hesitantly her nails dug into his hoodie, bunching up the fabric in her fists. He didn’t say anything, she just felt his tears on her skin burning like acid rain. When her grip loosened, he pulled away from her but keeping his gaze low. “We should go to my room.” “Okay.” He followed her with his heart hammering in his chest; he had noticed her hesitation and it made it harder for him to breathe. What if coming here was not a good idea?  Reluctantly they stood facing each other but her brows furrowed and her hand went up to his head, pulling the hood down - eyes widening when she saw it. Jungkook felt queasy, he didn’t want her to see his hair this short. “I-I…noona…” “I like it, you look manlier.” Biting down on her bottom lip, she forced her lips into a smile to suppress the tears that were about to spill from her eyes. Gently, she ran her hand over his head, making him lean into her touch. “I really do like it, you look handsome.” Jungkook let out a staggered breath; what she thought mattered most to him and if she liked it then he would be able to like it too, eventually, maybe. Only now he noticed the bruises on her cheeks, the little cuts on her forehead. “I’m sorry they did that to you.” He swallowed an invisible lump, his fingers gently reaching out to touch her cheek but she moved her head away from him. “It’s okay, I’m fine.” “Are you really?” She nodded but it wasn’t convincing enough, he pulled her in close, ever so lightly he cupped her face to press the lightest of kisses to her cheeks and forehead. Eyes swimming in tears, she looked up at him. “You still love me…?” Jungkook felt tears running down his cheeks. “Yes, I still love you.” He didn’t know why but he leaned in for a kiss - he just wanted to be with her and not think of anything that happened over the past couple of days. The moment their lips touched he felt a hiccup in his heartbeat like when he missed a step. Everything just felt for so right again like they belonged together and he was sure she must have been sensing it too. Deepening the kiss, his tongue was practically begging for access when out of the blue she pushed him away. “What’s wrong?” He asked, not able to wrap his head around what just happened. “Go! You need to leave. This isn’t good, okay?” “Wait! Why? I don’t want to leave, I want to be with you!” “Jungkook you have to go!” He didn’t understand; mere seconds ago she was kissing him back and now she was telling him to leave, but he didn’t want to, not yet at least. His eyes were focusing in on the bracelet that she was still wearing, and so did he. She never took it off, not even after she broke up with him, just like he promised her on that day at the beach… To Jungkook’s own surprise, lies were rolling off his tongue so easily these days - without batting an eye, he had told his hyungs that he was taking Yina out for the day. When in reality, it was y/n’s day off and he wanted to spend it with her, far away from people they knew to lower the risk of getting caught. In the early hours of the morning, he had picked her up to take her to Naksan beach which was four hours away from Seoul, on the opposite coastline. Contrary to road trips with Yina, who enjoyed just watching the scenery, the drive with y/n was different - they would sing together, she’d feed him snacks she packed and when they got quiet, she played with his hair while watching the sunrise. In Jungkook’s opinion, the drive itself was perfect - even if they would never arrive at their destination, he was truly happy that day. After exploring Yangyang and eating a ridiculously big lunch, they finally went to the beach, walking along the pier to the little red lighthouse to take some pictures. He recalled being here for a photo shoot not too long ago but back then they didn’t have time to wander around and enjoy the beautiful view of the ocean. The weather was dreary, clouds in all shades of gray forming a big cluster on the sky, making them the only two people who dared to visit the beach that day. “Can you put him in your pocket?” She held out the little plush bunny in swimming shorts that he had bought for her at a small souvenir shop in town. “I don’t want to get him wet.” “Of course.” He neatly tucked the bunny in the pocket of his jacket, making sure the button was secured, not wanting to risk losing it. She smiled up at him while rolling up her jeans and stuffing her socks into her sneakers before she ran towards the shoreline to dip her feet into crystal clear water. “It’s so cold.” She squealed, jumping from one foot to the other. “Come on, hurry up!” “I’m coming.” He called, slowly slipping off his own shoes but watching her run away from the waves that crashed on the sand was a lot more fun than doing it himself. The sand felt soft underneath his feet when he made his way over, making sure his eyes never left her. It dawned on him that he had never noticed, until now, how cute she actually was. Of course, he knew how beautiful she was but her little squeals whenever a wave caught up to her made his heart melt - he really was the luckiest guy on earth to have found his soulmate without even having to look for her. It was almost like he had never properly understood what real love felt like until he looked in her eyes; the thought often crossed his mind but a part of him thought it was ridiculous to even think that way. His heart, on the other hand, was sure that she was the girl he’d be spending the rest of his life with. “What are you doing?” Her voice caught him off guard, he hadn’t noticed that he was standing still, just looking at her. “I-I was just thinking…” He trailed off, ears turning a deep shade of pink underneath his cap while she was walking towards him, her hand stretched out for him to hold. “Kookie, don’t think about what happens when we get back to Seoul, please. I want to have a nice day, okay?” He nodded, lacing their fingers together - if only she knew what had been on his mind. She lifted their hands up to press a chaste kiss on the back of his hand before she started running, pulling him along with her. The water was cold but it felt unbelievably good, he couldn’t remember the last time he went to a beach just to have some fun and not for something work-related. For a while, they played catch with the waves and splashed each other with water until he felt exhaustion spreading to his limbs.  He sat down in the sand; just far enough so the water couldn’t reach him. Closing his eyes, he inhaled deeply, letting the fresh salty air fill his lungs and the gusts of wind caressed his skin and at that moment he felt complete, the missing puzzle pieces were all in place like nothing could go wrong. He felt her presence, his eyes fluttering open as she was about to sit down next to him but he quickly pulled her in between his legs so she could lean against his chest. Tightly he wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on top of her head. Neither of them said a word, just watching a few stray clouds letting hints of the hidden blue sky peek through the cracks; the calming sound of the waves crashing on the shore seemed to drown out the whole world around them. Her fingers gently played with his as she shifted a little to rest her head against his shoulder. “I wish every day could be like this.” She mumbled softly, making his heart ache. He wanted to give her everything she wanted, he really did and he would go to the end of the world for her if that meant she was happy. Jungkook leaned down, gingerly pressing his lips on top of her head. “Then I’ll take you to the beach every day and every day can be like this.” And although they both knew that it was just a fantasy and would never be possible, he heard the smile in her voice when she whispered “Okay.” Suddenly she untangled his arms from around her torso and kneeled down in front of him, still between his legs. “I wanted to give you something…” Her hand slid into the pocket of her jacket. “Close your eyes.” He did as he was told, her shaking fingers wrapped around his wrist. “Hold still.” He could hear she was concentrating when something cold touched his skin and he fought the urge to flinch. “Okay, you can open your eyes.” Looking down on his wrist, there was a black leather bracelet with a silver plate. “I- y/n, you didn’t have to..” “Yes I had to, you did all this for today.” She paused, pulling up her sleeve to reveal the same bracelet on her wrist but the delicate metal plate was rose-gold. “Thank you for making our 100th day anniversary so special.” She leaned in, her lips brushing against his and his heart stopped. He didn’t know, he had absolutely no idea it was their anniversary. Maybe because they were keeping their relationship a secret and they never had a real official first date, or maybe it was because she had mentioned that those things didn’t really matter to her anyway that he had paid no attention as to how many days they had been together. He felt like a jerk but he knew that if he told her the truth it would break her heart and that was the last thing he wanted. “I’m never taking it off, thank you.” He pulled her in closer, crashing his lips on hers; hoping that she could feel how much he loved her. “Can you at least look me in the eyes and tell me you want me to leave?” His voice was fragile; he was scared that she would do it and he could already feel the cracks in his heart getting bigger with every breath he took without her giving him an answer. “If you can’t say it when looking at me…” “Then what? You’re not going to leave?” He shook his head, ready to stand his ground; he wasn’t going to leave now, not after what he had been through to get here. “No, I won’t because I don’t really think you want me to…” Throwing her hands up in frustration, she let out a sigh. “What part of us being together is bad, don’t you understand?” “I don’t understand because you and I is the only good thing that has come from all of this.” “But there is no you and me anymore! I ruined everything.” “What do you mean you ruined everything?” “I ruined your friendships, as well as my own and your career. I shouldn’t be around you and that’s why there is no you and me anymore. Got it?” His mouth opened and closed without making a sound; did she really think she was the only one responsible for what happened - that she was the only one hurting all the time? “So can you please just leave?” She mumbled, looking down at her feet but he couldn’t get his own to move. “No, noona... I don’t want you to think that you ruined everything. You didn’t, you made everything better for me.” Carefully he moved in a little bit closer, wanting to wrap his arms around her and just hold her until she understood that he was all in and wouldn’t go anywhere, even if she didn’t want him to stay. She let out a sigh. “You say that now because you don’t want to see that I fucked everything up.” Slowly she sat down on her bed, fiddling with the hem of her pajama top to keep her busy from doing something she’d regret. “You really didn’t, I promise.” Sitting down next to her, he got a good look at the bruises on her legs; he wasn’t the only one who had been through hell and back these past days. He was desperately looking for something he could say - something that would make her change her mind and just take him back. It didn’t matter that to him that he would’ve lied to everyone again, he needed to be with her and if that meant the end of his career then so be it; he was willing to give up his dreams for her but he knew that if he voiced his thoughts, she would never let that happen. After a while, he cleared his throat that was threatening to close up. “So…do you really want me to leave?” His tongue had trouble forming the words; he had imagined that him showing up at her place would go differently. He had been sure that she would’ve been happy to finally see him again but he had never been so wrong in his life. She adjusted her position to face him; Jungkook was preparing himself to go home and hide in bed when her arms wrapped around his neck and her lips hungrily pressed on his. He was in shock; he didn’t see it coming so all he could do for a moment was stare at her face before his eyes fluttered shut and kissed her back. Licking into his mouth, her hands started pulling at his hoodie, wanting to remove the unwanted item of clothing. Firmly his hands wrapped around her wrists as he broke away from her. “Noona, what does this-“ 

Her index finger pressed to his open mouth while she placed soft kisses to his jawline. “Ssshhh just be with me now…” Jungkook nodded, despite being confused. His mind was racing but he still couldn’t bring himself to say no to her, although he had so many questions that were still unanswered. Deliberately she pulled the hoodie over his head before reconnecting their lips in a somewhat innocent kiss. Almost immediately he felt her fumbling with the drawstrings of his sweat pants, rushing to get rid of everything that separated them. “Noona…” He attempted to mumble into the kiss, this time she pulled away. “Kookie, please.” Her whiny voice was the last push he needed to gently push her down into the pillows on the bed. Kissing her again, his trembling fingers started unbuttoning her top; his nerves were getting the upper hand like they did the first time they slept together. Their tongues were shyly playing a game of catch as her nails gently scratched over his bare shoulders; he could still taste the all too familiar traces of her vanilla lip balm, maybe not everything had changed. Blindly his hand cupped her breast, rolling the bud between his index finger and thumb, instantly evoking a soft whimper from her as her hips bucked up, colliding with his.  Leaving a trail of butterfly kisses down her neck to the rosy mounds of flesh, sucking the hardening bud into his mouth. Jungkook groaned when a delicious moan reached his ears, making his member twitch excitedly in its soft fabric prison. Gingerly he let his hand followed the curve of her body when he licked his way back up to her mouth.  “Please touch me…” A whisper that held so much power over him.  Her skin was covered in goosebumps as he reached the waistband of her panties, letting his fingertips slip inside. “You’re so wet already, baby.” Jungkook mumbled against her neck as she held on tightly to his shoulder while his middle finger ventured down her core; gasping when it dipped inside just a bit to gather some of her juices. Lips glued to her neck, he let his fingertips trace her lips, wanting to remember how every inch of her body felt - he needed to engrave it into his memory just in case this was the last time he would get to touch her. “Baby…” She whined when he finally circled in around her clit, avoiding the spot that would soon make her squirm. Peppering soft kisses up to her ear, where he gently nibbled on her lobe. “I missed you so much, you don’t even know…” Jungkook’s voice was low and raspy when he spoke, eliciting a small cry from her when his fingers applied more pressure around the sensitive nub. “I missed kissing you…” Her nails dug deeper into his skin as she tried to keep quiet, only betrayed by her own hips who tried so desperately to get more friction than Jungkook was supplying. He exhaled, stopping the motion of his fingers, nervous anticipation filling the gap between them. “I missed touching you…” Arching her back off the mattress when he finally grazed the spot he’d been avoiding deliberately, her legs squirming against his at the newfound waves of pleasure coming down on her. “Stay still, baby.” He softly chuckled, managing to trap at least one of her legs underneath his right. Fondly he smiled down on her as he watched her blossom under his ministrations, pressing her arm to her mouth to muffle the repeated moans of his name. Until now Jungkook had never realized how amazing it was to watch her fall apart; he did enjoy using his tongue but being able to see how her face flushed and her lashes fluttered from the little circles his fingers were drawing was out of this world - making him fall in love with her all over again. 

“P-please stop.” She tried to wiggle away from him a little; normally he would keep going, knowing that she was getting close but he paused, giving her enough time to slip her hand down his sweats and wrap it around his length. “Noona…ahh.” His voice hitched and his head fell back when she slowly started rubbing her thumb over the tip, coating it with the beads of precum that just kept spilling. Her touch was very light but he was so desperate to feel her that his body reacted erratically, bucking his hips into her hand; never wanting her to stop. Trailing sweet kisses up his neck until she reached his lips, she delicately sucked on his bottom lip, making it throb in her mouth; her hand moving up and down his dick painfully slow, feeling him getting harder by the second. Jungkook whimpered, almost melting in his briefs. He was getting ready to distract himself from his own pleasure by touching her again when she broke the kiss. “Kookie…” There was no moaning, no outcry to get him to touch her and his heart sank for a second, fearing that they had gone too far. “Love me…” She whispered softly, looking up at him, her other hand cupping his cheek. He closed his eyes, leaning into her touch, relishing the warm feeling spreading in his chest before shifting his body weight to his knees, he placed a kiss to her lips, fully prepared to show her how much he loved her. Kneeling down between her legs, he gently lifted them to roll her panties up to discard them on the floor next to the bed, before spreading them again. “I’m so lucky, you’re so handsome.” She smiled lovingly, wanting to reach up to touch his face but he wouldn’t let her, making her pout in return. A little too eagerly, Jungkook pushed down his sweats and briefs - his heart hiccuping in anticipation of being one with her again. Holding and kissing her was amazing but sleeping with her always felt different to him; it was some form of a deeper connection he couldn’t even begin to explain. Lying down on top of her, supporting most of his weight on his arms next to her shoulders, he started peppering small kisses all over her cheeks to her lips, letting his tongue disappear in her mouth to taste her again. Slowly grinding against her core, just to make sure she was still wet enough for him when she whimpered into the kiss; the engorged tip of his member applying enough pressure to her clit to send her flying again.  Shoving his one hand between their bodies to line himself up, before he pushed the tip inside, the feeling of bliss washing over him as he felt the velveteen walls hugging his dick. “Is that okay?” He asked, brushing her hair from her face. “More than okay.” She smiled, puckering up her lips for yet another kiss.  Jungkook was moving slowly, taking his sweet time, enjoying every little noise he was eliciting from her with each stroke. Her nails were digging into his shoulder blades, clinging onto him for dear life, as if it was just a dream and he would disappear the moment she woke up. Their lips were glued together, only ever breaking apart to up their oxygen intake before diving back in for more. He adjusted his position, pushing her legs up to his sides so she could rest her calves on his lower back - his body was ready to chase his down his high but he had to shift his focus on hers first. When he bottomed out after a hard thrust, she pulled away, letting her head fall back. “Oh god, right there.” A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth; he loved that she always let him know when he was hitting the right spot. “’s that good, baby?” He asked, hips slamming into her much harder than before but she couldn’t answer him, too busy trying to muffle her moans against his skin. He wanted her to let herself fall and just bathe in the waves of pleasure washing over her body but he could tell she was holding back a little. Jungkook sucked on his fingers, letting his hand venture down to the swollen bundle of nerves to rub it again. Gasping for air, she locked eyes with him as she let out whiny moans of his name. “Jungkook-ah…” “It’s okay baby, you can cum. Don’t wait for me.” He encouraged her, sucking a small bruise on the column of her throat. Bottoming out with every thrust, he knew that she needed him to go faster to reach her high. Alternating between little figure-eights and flicking her clit, he knew she would soon reach the point of no return. Her moans were fogging up his brain - each one higher in pitch than the last, making it difficult for him to keep a steady pace. The knot in his stomach that was pulling itself tighter and tighter was about to snap but he had to keep going, they were both so unbelievably close that he wasn’t sure how much longer he could last, her hips now meeting his halfway. “You feel so good.” Jungkook panted, her convulsing walls trying to milk him dry; his scrotum contracting dangerously.  “Baby!” She whined a heads up, her left hand fisting the sheets while the other tightly squeezed his biceps, the stinging feeling of his skin completely subdued by the rush of her high. He was in a daze, watching her come undone, her loud moans ringing in his ears as his member suddenly erupted when he bottomed out, hot white streams of cum painting her walls as white as snow. Letting his body sink onto hers, he buried his face in the crook of her neck as his own orgasm washed over him. “I love you, baby…I love you so much…I love you” He let out a slurry of moans against her sweat glistening skin, thrusting sloppily to get every last drop as deep inside of her as he could, never wanting to come down from this high. Breathing heavily but staying still, he softly pressed little pecks to her shoulder when a sob shook him to his core. He lifted his head up to look at her but hers was turned the other way. “Noona, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” “No, I’m fine…j-just ignore me.” She blubbered, trying to wipe the tears away without him noticing. He pulled out to lie down beside her, wrapping his arms around her trembling body. “Tell me what’s wrong…let me fix it.” He whispered; the dopamine from his orgasm that had rushed through his veins, vanishing instantly. “No, no it’s okay…just give me a minute.” But he couldn’t, the world no longer made sense to him; he just couldn’t come up with a reason why she suddenly broke down in tears after he had just told her how much he loved her when she had wanted him to make love to her. “Noona, it’s not okay. You wouldn’t be crying if it was.” She turned around in his arms, burying her face against his chest, her tears feeling like a thousand needles poking and prodding at his skin. “I-I…” A choked sob riddled her body, his embrace tightening around her. He felt so lost, not knowing what to do or how to comfort her. Was he supposed to just hold her and let her cry? But that was easier said than done when he felt tears pricking at his own eyes. “I love you so much, Kookie and it just sucks that we can’t…be together anymore.” “Yes, we can be together, don’t say that.” Desperation was flaring up in his chest as the tears finally escaped their prison. “No, we can’t and you know it.” The sniffles were muffled against his quickly rising chest. “But why? I’m here now. I will always be here.” “Because I’m holding you back and…” He wanted to go deaf so that he wouldn’t have to hear her say any of that nonsense. “- and I’m just standing in your way and ruining your career and I don’t want that. I want you to be happy even if it’s without me.” “But how am I supposed to be happy without you?” His heart was slowly crumbling to pieces, not able to grasp the concept that he could ever be okay without her in his life.  “I don’t know but eventually you’ll move on with someone else…” Untangling his arms from her, he sat up, forcing her to do the same. She didn’t know one bit, how much he had suffered from being separated from her, his heart felt like it was incomplete, missing its other half.  “I won’t! After everything, we went through…I don’t want anyone else. I want you, don’t you get it?” Averting her eyes to the pillows, she tried to avoid looking at him - tears rapidly flowing down his cheeks. “I want you too but you know, sometimes things just don’t work out, no matter how badly you want them to.” “Bullshit! You just let those stupid comments get to you and now you’re pushing me away because those people made you believe you’re not good for me.” “But they are right…” She weakly protested. “If you truly believed that, you would’ve taken your bracelet off but you’re still wearing it…do not lie to me like that.” He inhaled shakily, feeling like someone was standing on his chest, infringing on his ability to breathe properly. As if she was reminiscing, her fingertips traced the metal plate on the bracelet. “I just want what’s best for you…and it’s not me.” “Y/n, you know that we are meant to be together. You have said it yourself that we are soulmates, how can you even say that we’re not supposed to be together?” “You have to grow up and learn that you can’t always get what you want. This isn’t a candy store…” “Are you even listening to yourself? You’re trying so hard to keep us apart with those stupid reasons…” He got up, pulling his pants up and reaching for his hoodie on the floor. He could tell that she wanted to say something but she kept quiet, fresh tears dripping down her cheeks and onto her bare chest. “I’m not going to give up so easily…you will see that we are meant to be together and I don’t care what anyone says and you shouldn’t either…maybe you can grow up and learn that we are a thing that’s worth fighting for.”  His hand slid into the pocket of his hoodie, holding tightly onto the white gold Love bracelet, before placing it on her nightstand.  “This is yours because I’m yours.” 

*

“Where is he?” Namjoon was pacing up and down the living room, checking his watch for the hundredth time in the past 20 minutes, after they had noticed that Jungkook wasn’t home or nowhere to be found anywhere in the apartment complex, or around on the premisses to clear his head. “I’d like to know that too…” Yoongi was unusually worried, eyeing the other members who were quietly sitting on the sofa, pretending they couldn’t hear a word they were saying. “You guys know something...” Hoseok contemplated, tapping on his chin with his index finger. “I’m sure of it, you all look really suspicious…” “Exactly! Spill it!” Yoongi agreed while Namjoon tried calling the youngest yet again. “What? We don’t know anything.” Jin shrugged his shoulders. “I think, we should just calm down, he’ll be home soon. I’m sure, he just needed to blow off some steam. Did anyone check the gym?” “He’s not picking up.” The leader informed the group when the heavy front door opened and closed and Jungkook dragged his feet into the living room. “Where have you been? We were worried about you!” Yoongi, Hoseok, and Namjoon scolded him in unison. “Out.” He mumbled, his eyes were puffy from crying and he wanted nothing more than to hide in his bedroom and don’t see or talk to anyone. “Out?” Namjoon repeated. “You do know that you are not allowed to go out without supervision? We were worried that something happened to you and all you say is ‘out’?” “But it didn’t. I’m fine, nobody saw me.” “Jungkook-ah…” Jimin said softly, he could tell by the look on his face that something wasn’t right. “What did she say?” “Who?” Hobi interrupted but Jimin indicated with his hand for him to stay quiet. “We’re not getting back together…” “You went to see y/n?” Usually, Namjoon always stayed calm but the tension on his face told everyone that he was getting upset at the youngest for breaking the rules when they all needed to be extra careful. “I’m sorry, Jk.” Jin smiled sadly. “It’s okay…if you don’t mind, I wanna be alone for a bit.” “Sure thing.” Jimin reached out and gave his hand a light squeeze. “If you want some company, we’re here for you, okay?” The youngest nodded and disappeared down the hallway to seek comfort in his bedroom. Namjoon scoffed. “I can’t believe, he actually did that…he’s trying really, really hard to get into trouble these days.” “Lay off him! He’s having a hard time right now!” Jin furrowed his eyebrows, letting out an elongated sigh. “Are you serious? He’s doing one reckless thing after the other.” “Maybe it was bound to happen that he acted out…” Yoongi pondered. “I mean, he always had to behave and stay in line…” “He’s not acting out, he just wanted to see her after what happened to her. It’s normal, he’s in love with her.” Jimin defended Jungkook, who wasn’t present to fight for himself. “We should be supportive now. You guys heard that they’re not getting back together. I think he needs us.” “You’re right…” Namjoon gave in, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “He really does need us right now.”  While the others were discussing how they could cheer their little brother up, Taehyung slipped out into the hallway unnoticed; quietly he walked towards Jungkook’s room. Stopping a few times, wanting to turn around but he couldn’t. A part of him was still hurt, his heart aching every time he thought about either one of them but the anger he felt had subsided slowly, at times he felt an overwhelming amount of disappointment flooding his mind but he kept telling himself that it was natural to feel that way after being lied to by two of your best friends. It struck him as odd to feel pity for Jungkook when he had caused all of this trouble in the first place, but he did - seeing his little brother heartbroken wasn’t something he could ignore and he knew that y/n was feeling the same, the urge to comfort her as well rearing its head in the pit of his stomach. Taehyung inhaled, as if to gather up all the courage he could muster and knocked on the door, faintly he heard the youngest mumble a ‘yes’ and he quickly opened and closed the door behind him. Jungkook was lying on his bed, trying to hide the tissue he had used to soak up the tears under his pillow, while Taehyung sat down next to him. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay..” “Oh yeah, I am…” Jungkook didn’t even have to fake a smile; he was genuinely happy that Tae was finally speaking to him again. “You didn’t have to check on me but thank you, hyung!” “I was worried about you…you said, she doesn’t want to get back together?” He shook his head, his eyes drooping in sadness. “She says, she loves me but we can’t be together.” “And why’s that?” Taehyung tilted his head, confused as to why his best friend didn’t want to be with his little brother anymore. “Stupid reasons like she’s holding me back and ruining my career. I think she let those people get into her head.” Jungkook’s eyes shot up when his older brother chuckled. “What’s so funny?” “Ah, Jungkookie…” Tae patted his head. “I don’t know if you know this yet but y/n can be very, very stubborn. She thinks she’s right about something but eventually, she will realize that she’s wrong and I’m pretty sure she will come around.” “How do you kn-?”  “I’ve known her my whole life, remember? It’s her thing, always been like that.”  Jungkook sighed, his lips jutting out into a pout.  “I wish she would hurry up and realize how wrong she is…”  “Don’t worry, it’ll happen sooner than you think.” They fell silent for a moment; it wasn’t uncomfortable this time around. It was like a weight was lifted off their shoulders and they both knew, that they would be able to overcome this hurdle in their friendship. 

“Hyung…” The younger one muttered, piddling at his comforter. “I’m sorry, I lied to you. I should’ve been honest with you from the start. I really hope, you can fully forgive me one day.” “I’m not saying it doesn’t still hurt but I’m not mad anymore…and I’d like that.” Tae smiled shyly when Jimin barged into the room without knocking, stopping in his tracks when his eyes fell on both boys sitting across from each other on the bed. “What is going on?” “We were just talking.” Taehyung assured him. “What’s up?” As soon as he asked, the other members squeezed through the door, piling up in the small space between the door and the bed. “It’s only 10pm, let’s go out to eat and maybe karaoke after!” All the members were nodding enthusiastically behind Jimin. “Do you think that’s a good idea?” Jungkook questioned, not wanting to get into any more trouble. “Yes, we talked to the managers and they said it’s okay if it’s just us. They’re sending a car, so go get dressed.” Jungkook couldn’t help but smile, welcoming the distraction with open arms. “Jungkookie you think of a restaurant where you want to go.” Jin called as he was walking away to his room to get dressed as well. It was almost like nothing ever happened between them, they were cooped up in a small private room at Jungkook’s favorite restaurant, eating and drinking while talking about anything that popped into their heads. Jungkook hated to admit it but he had missed his brothers very much; all the sneaking around and hiding away from them, had involuntarily built a barrier between them and with each laughter that filled the room, he could feel it breaking down. After Jimin had recovered from sliding off his chair from laughing so hard after Hoseok had spilled beer all over Yoongi’s new phone, Jungkook cleared his throat. “So…you’re all not mad at me anymore, right?” Carefully he looked at his older brothers, eyes swimming in tears as he waited for their reply. He knew, he was ruining the mood but the question was eating him up inside - he would’ve hated to find out later that they were all just pretending to make him feel alright for a couple of hours. To his surprise, Namjoon wrapped his arm around his shoulders. “We were never mad at you, just a little disappointed. You’re still a part of us, Jungkook.” Hiding his face in his hands, he let the tears fall freely but he didn’t want his hyungs to see how relieved he was that they still loved and cared about him. “Is he crying?” Jin asked astounded, looking at the others. “I think so…” Yoongi couldn’t tell until Jungkook let out a quiet sob. “Oh Jungkookie, don’t cry!” Hoseok got to his feet, hurrying around the table to give him a hug.  “When you cry, we all cry. Don’t do that!” He softly chuckled, letting his brothers hug him and wipe his tears away, thinking that maybe one day he would be okay as long as they were by his side.

                                          *~~EPILOGUE ~~*

It was a cloudy day, the sun was hiding behind a thick blanket of clouds while she was confined to the car, staring at a row of buildings that all looked the same to her. Deliberately she was pulling at her sweater to make it wider and comfier. “Not long, five more minutes or so.” She nodded, fiddling with the strap of her purse - her nerves getting the better of her. “Aren’t you excited?” “I am…” She replied, trailing off; unsure whether she was actually excited or scared. They had never talked about it, really but she was hoping it would all turn out just fine. Nervously she stepped out of the car, leaning against it to keep a close eye on the door, wishing she would have brought Taehyung or Ha-na for moral support but they were busy visiting locations for the party after the wedding reception. The unusual loud beep of her phone made her flinch when it snapped her out of her thoughts. [Jimin - 2:28pm] Don’t tell Jungkookie about his surprise party later! 🤫 And don’t worry y/n, I know he will be very excited when you tell him 😍 She let out a sigh, it was easier said than done - she had been on edge since last night, only tossing and turning all night. What if he wasn’t happy about it? The others had reassured her a million times by now that it was all going to be fine but now she was contemplating waiting a little longer, maybe even a few months, as ridiculous as it sounded in her head. She was checking her watch yet again, thinking that a minute could easily feel like hours when suddenly a door opened and a few people left the most official-looking building of them all. Her eyes found him, surrounded by the guys in his unit as they were walking towards their families after the ceremony, which she hadn’t been allowed to attend for privacy reasons, but that didn’t matter now. The tingling feeling in her legs, made her impatient and she just couldn’t stand still and wait for him to get to her, so she started running towards him. The moment he spotted her, Jungkook’s face lit up, his stomach was swarming with butterflies as he dropped his bag on the ground, ready to catch her in his arms. “Jungkook-ah, is that your girlfriend?” Minhyuk laughed next to him, nudging him with his elbow, watching as she came running, her skirt blowing in the wind. “Yes.” He said proudly, getting ready to wrap his arms around her for the first time in almost three months. “Looks like she’s really excited to see you, you really should’ve taken a shower this morning.” Junyoung teased him, making the other guys chuckle as they all seemingly waited to watch the reunion. “I saw Jungkookie using perfume before the ceremony, he’ll be fine.” Hyunwoo added, patting his shoulder. “Your teasing is definitely something I won’t miss.” Jungkook winked at them before shifting his focus back to her. He had become good friends with some of the guys in his unit after spending day and night with them - maybe it reminded him of the old days with the other members but it comforted him and made his military service not as bad as he had imagined it before enlisting. His heart was hammering against his ribcage when he picked her up right before she could crash into his chest. His arms securely wrapped around her thighs, he slowly spun around in circles with her. She gently cupped his face, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to his lips, only deepening it for a few seconds. Carefully he set her down, her fingers digging into the rough material of his uniform jacket. “Hey.” She smiled shyly, looking up at him. “Hey.” Jungkook gently brushed his fingertips over her cheek, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “I missed you.” “We missed you too…” “We?” He asked; confusion painted all over his face. He had been told that his members would stay at home and they wouldn’t get together until after his little meeting with the press and fans outside the company building. “Yes, we…”  Taking his hand, he could feel hers shaking when she placed it on her stomach. “We missed you a lot.” Jungkook froze; unsure of whether his ears were playing tricks on him or not. His heart was racing again, but this time it was different - a fuzzy feeling rushed through his body as he slowly started to move his hand over her stomach, feeling the small bump that was well hidden underneath the oversized sweater. “Are you serious?” He swallowed hard, trying to stop his eyes from watering. “I am, I went to the doctor a few weeks ago…” She trailed off, suddenly feeling guilty for not having told him sooner. “I’m sorry, I should’ve… I wanted to tell you in person.” “No, no..it’s okay!” He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he was going to be a father just yet. “I-I’m happy you told me like this, it was perfect.” He smiled, cupping her face to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Noona, I love you.” Ever so delicately he kissed her before he sunk to his knees to press his lips to her stomach, an overwhelming feeling of happiness spreading in his chest.

* “Kookie, she woke up again.” Y/n sighed, hearing the faint little cries coming from their bedroom as she put away the last few dishes. “I’ll go check on her.” He put his laptop down on the couch to get up. “No, it’s okay. You’ve had a long day, I’ll do it.” Quickly he crossed the room to stand in front of her. “No, you go sit down and rest. Dasom was asleep when I got home, so this is my chance to spend some time with her.” “Okay fine, but don’t start playing with her again or she will be up for hours.” “I won’t, I promise.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek and quietly made his way to their bedroom, only turning on the small light on the bedside table. “Hey, little one.” Gently he picked her up, sitting down with her on y/n’s side of the bed, drying her cheeks with his sleeve. “What’s wrong?” He could tell from the way she was crying that she wasn’t hungry, y/n had fed her before putting her down and it was too early for her dream feed. “You don’t need to be changed either.” He concluded after checking her diaper. “Wanna tell appa what’s bothering you?” Dasom made a few unidentifiable noises in between yawns, looking at her father with those big brown doe eyes that she could’ve only gotten from him. “Hmm….yeah…” Jungkook nodded his head. “I understand, I missed you too while I was at work…” He trailed off, reminding himself what he had promised y/n but he was so tempted to tickle her, simply to hear her laugh - he really needed to hear it sometimes, especially after a long tiring day of filming. “I promised mommy I wouldn’t keep you up so, how about I tell you a bedtime story instead?” He cradled her in his arm, making sure she was comfortable. “Where did we leave off last night before you fell asleep? Right, you know there was a time when the princess really didn’t want to be with the prince because of what the people in the town were saying; they were really mean to both of them and the princess wanted to protect the prince so she left him heartbroken and to fend for himself. But the prince loved the princess so much that he did everything in his power to show her his love - it took him months of slaying dragons and all the monsters in the far-away land but eventually, she realized that the universe had always wanted them to be together, they weren’t doomed to be star-crossed lovers…” Dasom’s little snores interrupted his recollection of his relationship with her mother, lovingly his index finger followed the perfect slope of her little nose. Without waking her, he put her back in her crib, making sure she was surrounded by all her favorite plushies, all gifts from her uncles; before he gently kissing her forehead. “I love you and mommy so much, I hope you know that, baby girl.” He whispered, slightly pulling on the string of the little moon above her bed that played the melody of Euphoria. 

[rosenmarille]

First of all: that One Day bit is quality content. Second of all I read "3.5 for Holly" and am Highly Interested

HI yes! i will explain, however i first have to correct myself. its actually a part 2.5, not 3.5. like i mentioned in the other post, the part is called “heart unbound”, this is about 25 years after battle tendency, when holly is in her early 20s!!

the rest of this im gonna put under the cut

so the setting. joseph (43), suzie, and holly (21) live in new york, smokey is in georgia, lisa lisa (75) is Somewhere in the states, erina and speedwagon have passed away (sad). its 1963! the speedwagon foundation has continued expanding, with joseph and lisa lisa closely involved after speedwagons death. they’ve mostly moved their attention into new territory, but still have all their old research kept. stands aren't a thing yeeet, but its been long enough that the pillarmen have faded into unpleasant memory.

until one night the power at the swf hq goes out for just a moment too long, and santana manages to escape.

joseph and lisa lisa are contacted asap, and they decide to travel down to texas and find him (preferably take him out for good this time). holly, who has grown up hearing about jojo’s wild escapades, really wants to come along. she knows some hamon! she can defend herself! come on!! (yes i said it, holly learned hamon, do you think having lisa lisa for a grandmother would result in anything less?) anyway, joseph and lisa lisa Really don't want her to come since it could be really dangerous and they'd rather not put her in harm’s way.

so holly (rich, unsupervised) books a plane and goes after them.

we skip to texas!! joseph and lisa lisa investigate at hq and the surrounding area and find practically no trace of santana or where he might have gone. when holly arrives, she decides that since she can't look into hq without getting caught, she’ll ask around with locals, and manages to hear rumours about a new sort of cryptid (only appears at night, weird anatomy etc), both cattle and people have been disappearing, but on a very small scale. she looks into similar stories and realizes that santana must be moving south, though what he's planning, she doesn't know. but she will follow!! (and leave breadcrumbs for her family to pick up on this pattern too, she guesses. not so helpless now, huh?)

so this goes for a while, taking her down into mexico, until she is pretty sure that she can triangulate the missing people reports accurately enough to actually Find him. holly isnt stupid, she doesnt think she can win in a battle against a pillarman. what she’s hoping to do is prove herself to joseph and lisa lisa by prepping and helping out enough for them to then take care of the problem. she's an adult now and she doesnt appreciate being treated like a child. (you may say this contradicts how she behaved towards joseph in part 3, but to that i counter: she's in her 40s in that one, and her being an adult is established enough that she knows she can act a lil silli without that being put in question)

but hey!! she does find him!! she decides to stalk him for a bit, see what he does. so she happens to be there when santana attacks a young woman (midnight snack), who pulls a KNIFE instead of running away, so Holly rushes in and deflects an attack with a quick hamon swipe. santana has learned from his previous hamon encounter and instead of sticking around, he decides it isn't worth it and absconds instead (smart). (at this point you might notice this is the first fight of the part. yeah it be like that in this one. call it battle untendency) 

holly and the woman (who later introduces herself as Maria (no last name yet; but named after Maria Maria by Santana (lol)) also get out of dodge and hide out in an alley, where maria decides that she needs to know what the fuck that Thing was, yesterday. magic?? sparkling?? hello??? and hollys like uhh hah yes so. that's an ancient semi immortal vampire creature? and this is sunlight breathing magic, which he's allergic to. yea. and maria is like ................yeah okay i buy it. teach me sunlight breathing magic, i wanna come.

maria side paragraph! she's our oc and we love her. remember that awful scene from the santana arc with all those prisoners and the one kid who doesn't get sacrificed? that's her older brother. he was “let go” but “let go” basically did just mean “free to wander the desert and find civilisation maybe”, so when he did eventually find his way back home, he'd been severely traumatized, plus on death's door. other prisoners had been turned into vampires to test on the pillarman discovery, so the word “vampire” is something he'd have heard and conveyed to his family, who didn’t. really believe him. he also hasn't really recovered from that experience :( then the war happened and maria's dad served in it, and afterwards decided that his other child needed to know how to defend herself, and maria learned how to handle a knife, as well as how to physically fight. their family managed to avoid post war financial problems for the most part, and maria was able to finish her studies! she's a pilot :)  she is, however, harbouring very deep anger and resentment for what happened to her brother, and has not really had a face to direct that anger towards, so it's been on a relatively low burner for the most part, but now there’s talk of vampires and a person she can blame for her family’s trauma.

they exchange notes and she realizes that yeahh, that is pretty much exactly what her brother had told them, so it was true. hah :) yes actually, i would like to learn vampire killing magic please holly. and holly, who didn't really want to bring someone with her, but kind of does believe in accidents not being a thing, decides that yeah, she probably should bring maria along. and sure!! if they have to deal with sanata again, why not teach her hamon!! they share stories and continue to follow the trail while they train together, and become really close friends! jobro time.

we've now reached the first third of the story.

we travel further south!! soon, holly begins to realize......... ohh..... the temple they found santana in.. that's south of here, isn't it? oh huh. what could he want there?? the masks have been destroyed as far as she knows?? she doesn't know enough first hand to know what significance there could be, but the girls prepare for anything. maybe a big weapon the researchers had not been able to identify?? MOre pillarmen, secretly living underneath the temple??? 

(there are gonna be some scenes that involve lisa lisa and joseph figuring out where they need to go, and maybe also realizing who set that trail, maybe they have smth else going on, who knows) 

holly and maria follow santana and eventually do find the temple, and prepare to stake it out, hopefully hopefully not alerting him to their presence, because that would be.........bad. (tho tbh marias kinda itching to try out vampire begone magic. wouldn't You want to if you suddenly learned how?) neither of them have ever been here so they're honestly pretty floored by the temple interior, the tunnel that leads into the main chamber dark and uninviting, with who knows what hidden dangers are lurking about. 

and then they see him. santana is investigating the place where the pillar had been cut out of the structure, the stone masks crushed and broken, strewn around the floor, running his hands over the broken stone. Then he walks to one of the murals carved into the wall, a large one, similar to the one speedwagon had been investigating, with the 4 faces representing the pillarmen, and he lingers there. dips his head, then walks back to the empty space of the pillar and sits down where it was, crosslegged, and closes his eyes. and then he stays still. what does That mean?? 

the girls decide this is enough, they should fall back and formulate a proper plan, maybe wait for joseph and lisa lisa to catch up. buuuut we can't have that be the end of it, and so something happens, maybe one of them trips? steps on rubble that falls loose? they make a noise. and get noticed. 

change of plans! fight now! except there isn't an attack? they stay still but “i know you're there.” damn it. battle formation, stances ready, they make their way into the chamber, where santana hasn't moved at all. he's still sitting there, but he's looking at them now. holly asks what he's doing here, he asks the same back. she says not to play dumb, hes been killing people this whole time, he has to answer for that! and to that, santana honestly looks a bit confused because. has he? in his defense, he's not human, his prey is humans. pillarboy has to eat.

marias like “well? aren't you going to attack us?” and he's like “not unless you bother me.” and closes his eyes again. the girls aren't sure what to make of this.

santana side paragraph: first of all, this is a santana stan account. name one (1) thing he's done wrong, canonically. woke up in a strange place. captured?? got his bearings, tried to Leave and was accosted! shot some nazis (go king), and finally only snapped when joseph got mad he didn't laugh at his clownery. anyone would get murderous as a result. tried to escape further, ultimately was stopped and detained Again! morally, he's above joseph. 

so they're just standing now. since their earlier encounter where holly used hamon, santana refuses to talk more at first, but holly has the bright idea to get his trust by having maria restrain her and then stand back with her weapon -- a show of putting herself in a helpless position and promise she wont attack. that’s enough for santana to agree to come closer and have a proper conversation.

holly asks again why he's here exactly? what's here? and he tells her that if she Must know, he's waiting. waiting for what, she asks. and maria looks back at the carvings and realizes “oh. there should be 4 of them.” now santana looks mildly uncomfortable, and holly rememebers that “oh fuck, dad killed all of them.” and then “wait they were evil tho??” and then again “wait fuuck, didn't the leader guy say they left this one behind in mexico on purpose? oh man does he Know?” holly finds herself in the position of “not only do i have to tell this guy his friends aren't coming because they're Dead, they also kinda abandoned him.” yikes.

meanwhile maria is kinda pissed that her one chance at revenge might have just been taken from her. she still blames santana for what happened to her brother, and she refuses to let that go. she’s too stubborn and proud for that. and now, especally since holly seems to be focused on creating a bond, it feels like a slap in the face. so she kinda… snaps, ruining their chance at resolving this peacefully and causing santana to run off again. she and holly have a fight. it sucks.

soon after that joseph does find holly and he Does send her home. maria, after explaining her intentions, stays with them. holly is heartbroken :( after shes gone, joseph and lisa lisa make a plan to trap santana, aimed to go off in a few days prep, and during this, maria is starting to realize that that... really isnt the right thing to do... shes now had some time to sit alone with her guilt and regret about how she handled the situation, ssso she gets an idea on how to make up for it...

meanwhile holly is sitting at home and is sad, until suzie drives her somewhere in guise of going to a fancy lunch with smokey (whos in town), but really she drives her to the joestars airpad where her friend marua(!!) is already waiting in front of joseph’s plane, which, turns out, she hijacked in the south and flew all the way up here, and suzie tosses holly a bag with clothes and stuff and tells her to hurry up and get going :3

and hollys all "but what about lunch with mr smokey? :o" and suzie winks at her and says "don't worry, he's waiting for me to tell him everything went well at the restaurant ;)" and then holly gives her a big hug, runs to her friend and hugs Her, and they are off to fly back south to save some lives. on the way, maria apologizes and explains -- how she had harboured this resentment for so long that the sudden target for her blame put in front of her, plus the immediate removal of it were so jarring that she acted impulsively... she knows santana isnt at fault for what happened with her brother... and now she just hopes they make it in time.

as luck would have it, they catch up with joseph and lisa lisa just in time to jump between them and santana (maria accidentally cuts off joseph’s prosthetic hand in the process and freaks the fuck out before realizing it’s fine) and try to talk it out. it’s a tense few minutes, but holly is determined and stubborn, and she manages to get her dad and grandma to see her side of things and santana is saved! they find something for him to eat, giving him the energy to heal his wounds. pillarmen absorbing shit never gets old.

And from there it’s mostly just everything getting settled down and smoothed out. they get back in touch with the swf and tell them the problem is handled. santana turns out to be a relatively peaceful dude when his life isn’t being threatened, and he becomes a good friend with all four of them, but especially holly and maria. they help teach him about the modern world and he decides that he’s going to do some travelling and learn about the history of his culture and other ancient mesoamerican cultures he interacted with in his youth, and he shares the things he learns with the swf so they can get the info about where theyre needed etc.  maria gets hooked up with one of the many therapists we decided work at the swf that has experience with the supernatural things she and her brother have gone through. holly, maria, and santana stay in touch and go on regular trips together. holly receives many post cards.

it’s all really good and happy :) thats heart unbound baybee!! <33